#both individually and together. so I knew what they looked like long before ever starting cos

[gguk-n]

What? How? (Max Verstappen x Reader)

Based off this request. I had put up a poll to decide the driver with a part 1 and thought this would be part 2 but I think that's like the preview/introduction and this is the main part!

Everyone grew up hearing about soulmate; from their family or friends or relatives. Most people looked forward to meeting their soulmate, some people wanted to defy fate and some people never got to meet their soulmate.

Max grew up believing that he wasn't deserving of love and thought he'd never meet his soulmate. But a small part of him hoped that, someone would come along and fall for him and be his person. He found himself dreaming of her. The mark on his wrist was a reminder of the soulmate he was yet to find. His sister had found her's and spoke in detail about what it was like to meet your soulmate. He would always end up talking to Victoria about the time she met her's and what it was like, something Max was embarrassed to admit.

In the time that Max had been at RedBull, he had never had issues with anyone. He did his best and gave the team the result he could. Him and his race engineer meshed well, bringing a lot of synergy to their collaboration until he got a new team mate, which some how also meant a new race engineer for said team mate. He saw Y/N for the first time at the start of his fourth year in Formula One. She was cheerful and bubbly and always wore a smile on her face. She spoke kindly to everyone and a part of Max would always gravitate towards her. He had silently hoped they would be friends since they were both perfectionist but it never happened. Y/N always kept to her work; she was assigned his team mate's garage.

It was in 2021, when Y/N got the bump up and became a race engineer for Sergio Perez, his new teammate. Max never knew he could argue with someone as much as he argued with Y/N. They were always at odds because somehow whatever she did was against him, it felt. The team could see daggers flying from across the hospitality at each race but let it go since they never did anything. Until those fights started escalating, from bickering to arguing to full on screaming matches in the hospitality, audible to anyone who could hear. Horner and Marko had tried to get them to resolve their issues but to no avail, it only made things worse.

Y/N thought she was a part of the soulmate less crew, "I'll register you with soulmatch" her mother told her. Soulmatch was an agency, a app or a website, which ever one you chose to help two soulmate less individuals get together and find companionship in each other. Her mother wanted her to start looking, Y/N couldn't careless since her job kept her busy and she was barely at home anyways. Y/N was a race engineer in Formula One; a job she worked tirelessly to achieve. It barely gave her any time to wonder where her soulmate was. She got to work with some of the most talented and smart people to make machinery that made the car go really fast. But now she was working with her driver, Sergio Perez to make sure the race went as smoothly as possible with the best result as possible; sometimes at the cost of the other driver. "Are you listening to me?" her mother's voice broke through her thoughts. "Yeah" she replied. "I'll let you know once you match with people" her mother stated before cutting the call.

Her parents were late bloomers themselves; having met each other in their late 20's and early 30's so she didn't understand the fuss her mother was making. She was in her prime and a soulmate would come along when he wanted to. Y/N travelled the world; if a soulmate existed, she would run into him eventually.

There were a lot of times you would wish someone was your soulmate and there were a lot of times you wished someone wasn't. For Y/N, it was Max Verstappen. She hated his guts; ever since she had become a race engineer, he had been a pain in the ass for as long as she could remember. He would start fights with her if she prioritised her driver, and honestly, who else would she prioritise. She had good strategies that would work in her driver's favour sometimes and he couldn't tolerate it. Starting fights and unnecessary arguments. The team was done with them, the paddock was done with them and the DTS crew always had so much fun.

At the start of 2022 season, the whole paddock and the world knew about Y/N and Max. The fans would laugh and joke about them being soulmates and the other drivers took the piss out of Max for having an engineer as an enemy. But, everyone knew about them. Everyone knew how much the pair hated each other and wouldn't even look at each other, if not to fight.

It was the Monaco weekend, the two of them had been at odds since FP1. Y/N tried to be calm and mature about it; she didn't want to cause issues for the team. Hence, she ignored any thing and everything he said. It was getting on his nerve; she was ignoring him and behaving extremely rudely to him. It all came to a head when the team finished P1 and P3 with Y/N's driver winning the race, street circuits were his thing and Y/N played to his advantage. You can already see the resentment and anger brewing as Max got out of the car. "Who does she think she is?" Max almost screamed at GP. "Calm down Max" GP tried to reason. But Max wasn't hearing anything.

During the post race interview, there were jabs being thrown but it was during On The Sofa; when Max said something, which he later realised he shouldn't have. But it was too late; Y/N was already there and a fight broke out. A lot of commotion, the media having a field day, Sergio and Carlos driver trying to get them to stop, their team trying to stop them and PR having a crisis. The crowd went silent as Y/N pulled her sleeve up to reveal her soulmate mark which matched Max's soulmate mark exactly; now visible due to the scuffle. A loud whisper broke out in the crowd, Y/N looking at him and then his mark as the pair tried to process what was happening. Over whelmed with emotions, Y/N stormed off, leaving the crowd but most of all her soulmate stunned.

Max walked out off the stage, shocked from the revelation. He found him self in his driver's room with no recollection of what had happened. He kept playing back to the moment when he saw Y/N's mark and wondered if things would be different. He wondered if she hated him because he was her soulmate. He wondered what it would be like to liked by his soulmate since the one he got hated his guts.

Y/N was reeling from the revelation; the man who was supposed to be her soulmate was also the man she hated the most, or did she dislike him? All of these thoughts and emotions swirled inside her as she wondered what just happened and how she had gone this long before finding out. Did he know? Did he hate her because he knew? What was going on and what was she supposed to do? She felt her world crash and her phone wouldn't stop ringing. She looked at the caller and it was her mum. "Congratulations darling" she bellowed. Y/N was confused, "I saw you found your soulmate" her mum said when she got no reply. "How did you find out?" she asked. "It's on the news, sweetheart" her mother stated. While Y/N was still reeling from the revelation, F1's social media accounts had already posted about the two sworn enemies actually being soulmates and how it was straight out of a fairytale. Y/N wanted to disappear. Why was this happening now? she wondered, exhausted from the events of the day.

Max was informed by his father that F1 had posted about the moment when Max and Y/N realised they were soulmates. Max was exasperated. He ran a hand through his hair, ready to rip a new one into the admin. As soon as he opened the door he found Y/N standing there. "Did you see?" she asked. Max just nodded shocked to see her. Y/N made her way into the room, trying to find a place to sit when Max gestured towards the sofa. Y/N sat down, "It's an invasion of privacy" she stated. Before Max could say anything, Horner burst into the room. "So happy to find the lovely pair" he bellowed and hugged Max. "You two will make the best couple" he smiled, clapping his hands. Y/N tried to get up to protest, "I've already asked the PR team to start on the media day and social media stuff. You two have to post and we'll start making new content" he stated. "No" Y/N objected. "I'm the one who pays your bills" Horner said before he turned around. "The PR team will email you two the schedule soon" he said exiting the room. Y/N's shoulder's slumped as she walked towards the door. "See you around" Max's voice came out, weakly.

The PR team had decided to make the two appear in pictures and tiktok challenges together, to show them being lovey dovey. The two of them treated it like a task, they would show up, film it and leave. Max could feel his heart ache, hoping Y/N would look at him with anything but disdain.

Y/N found herself questioning herself, if she even hated Max. She found herself staring at him during debriefs and interviews. She found herself learning his driving style. Max was going to win his second championship too and RedBull had planned for a huge spectacle. When Max won Suzuka; he got out of the car, happy even elated and ran to his team and GP. Y/N was stood there by RedBull's plan. Max hugged her first, he wrapped his arms around her and buried his head in her neck. Max felt tears prickle his eyes, he hadn't hugged her ever; her arms wrapped around him. When he pulled away, he saw tears in her eyes. "I like you Max. I'm so proud of you" she said. Max was shocked, this wasn't in the plan. "What?" he asked. "I like you Max Emilian Verstappen" she stated with tears streaming down her cheeks. "I...I like you too" he stated. "Let's talk after" he said pecking her cheek before being whisked away by their team.

After all the celebration, Max and Y/N were finally able to sit down and talk about the other day. "When?" Max asked. "I guess watching you" she muttered. "You?" she asked. "I don't think I ever didn't like you" Max stated. "I thought you hated me?" Y/N asked. "I didn't. I just thought you hated me" he replied, sheepishly. Y/N broke into a laugh. "We're so dumb" she continued laughing.

As time went on, the two of them grew closer with time. Max was able to stop RedBull from capitalising on their relationship. Y/N was still his team mate's Engineer and they still fought but Max would always kiss her to make everything better.

After the dominance in 2023, 2024 was tough on Max and Y/N too. They found them selves at an odd with the team, never themselves. Y/N would always reassure Max that he could do it, a fourth title was in his cards. "Schat, you are too optimistic" Max mumbled while cuddling her. "I'm realistic. I know Max Verstappen" she said. "Do you?" he smirked. She hummed tracing her fingers across his bare torso up to his chest, cupping his cheeks. "I'll marry you the day you win your fourth title" she said pressing their lips together. "No take backs" Max proposed pulling her on top of him. "Aren't you supposed to propose?" she giggled. "You wear the pants in this relationship" he said kissing her again.

As if Max got all the motivation he needed, he won his fourth title in Vegas. After the emotional team radio, "Y/N I hope you bought your dress because I'm marrying you in the next 2 hours" Y/N found herself smiling; there was chaos in the garage, their families were staring at her. "I told him I'd marry him the day he won his fourth title" she shrugged. Horner and Marko were trying to process the situation. But as soon as Max was done with all the formalities, Max staggered towards Y/N. "Never thought I'd marry you drunk" she laughed. "I'd marry you any way" he giggled.

They said their vows at a chapel in Las Vegas in front of their families and the other drivers. Y/N's parents were crying watching their daughter. Some how Max had planned it all, he had their family present, he flew her friends out; it was madness but in the best way possible.

At the end of the night, the two of them lay next to each other in their honeymoon suite. "I can't believe we got married in Vegas" Y/N said looking at Max. "I can't believe I married my enemy" he laughed. Y/N hit his chest playfully. "I love you Y/N" Max said now facing her. "I love you too Maxie" she replied. "You're stuck with me" he stated. "I've been stuck with you since I joined the team" she laughed.

Maybe the fact that your soulmate used to be your enemy doesn't seem so bad. Maybe enemies to lovers wasn't just reserved for YA novels. Maybe Y/N was happy, Max was her soulmate.

[luna-the-cretar]

I’m sorry, I really don’t like that Clayton canonically looks like this

No hate to the artist. Their art is absolutely stunning. It’s just that my mind refuses to acknowledge that Clayton isn’t meant to be pudgy or anything. Not fat by any means, but, yknow, round.

I just want this man to be built like the conductor from the original Thomas the Train Engine show, is that so much to ask?

[rafesslxt]

please please please do some hardcore fluff! i just want to see Theo really showing his love language (physical touch) like randomly touching y/n and doing anything to be close to her! kind of “i wish i could be in your skin” kind of thing, if you can!

touch starved | Theodore Nott

note: hi, thank u so much for my first request! I wrote a little bit with my ideas too, hope you still like it <3

warnings: some cursing, angst, arguing, hufflepuff!reader, me trying to write hardcore fluff, lmk if there are more

note: request are OPEN! English is not my first language

Theo was always interested in being as close to you as he could. He would love to just crawl under your skin if that was somehow possible. He loves to touch you, no matter where you are or who’s around you two.

But there were moments when this also brought its difficulties.

"Now, everything you need for the potion is at the front, take the ingredients you think would be suitable and get started." Professor Slughorn said.

Theo stood up like the good boyfriend he is and got all the Ingredients that he and y/n needed. "Here principessa, got everything we need." "Thanks Theo.“ You gave him a small kiss on his left cheek and started with the potion right in front of you.

Your boyfriend stood as close to you as possible, sometimes even right behind you. He wrapped his arms around you and stirred the kettle. He knew that other students gave him looks sometimes, but he didn't care. He just had to be near you and touch you in some way. He couldn't help it, you're like a drug to him that he can't get enough of.

Whether it was your soft skin, which smelled of vanilla from your bodylotion or your long shiny hair that smelled of peaches and was so easy to wrap around his fingers.

Your own scent drove him crazy the most. When you came fresh out of the shower, with nothing on you. Sometimes it took hours before you could finally get dressed and Theo would take his hands off you.

But he especially loves it when you play with his hair while you're both lying on the sofa in the Slytherin common room. The light tugging on individual strands made him moan softly and drove him crazy. Again, doesn‘t matter If you‘re alone or with your friends beside you. They all knew that Theo was completly smitten for you.

He also liked it when you gave him a massage after training Quidditch. "Yeah, right there baby, that‘s it.“ He groaned. He needed this. Your touch, your skin on his skin, your hands on his muscles. 

" Theo? You there ? I think it is ready, you can stop stirring." He woke up from his daydreams and looked down at himself. You were already looking up at him, chin resting on his chest. " Yeah, sorry." He put the trowel aside to stir and put both hands on your hips now. His lips just touching yours slighty as he whispered " You're beautiful." " Thank you." She smiled at him and placed both her hands on his abs above his shirt now.

His head lowered next to your ear " I need to feel you amore. Need to feel your skin on mine." He whined.

You giggled and looked around embarrassed. " Teddy, we're in the middle of class, you'll have to be patient." " Ugh... I fucking hate school."

That was a week ago now.

It had been a week since he had been able to touch you. To say Theo was on the edge was an understatement.

" Where's your other half Nott?" Blaise, who took every chance to gossip, asked. " What do you care?" Theo bit back, knowing that he didn't ask because he cared. "Oh just so, I'm just surprised as you were inseparable before and now you're hardly ever seen together. Trouble in paradise?" He provoked.

Mattheo had to hold Theo back so that the situation didn't escalate completely, but truth be told, Theo was just as worried. For different reasons to Blaise, but he wasn't entirely wrong. It was as if you were slipping out of his hands like sand. It was the weekend now and just like every other weekend before, you and the boys were always out together as a group in Hogsmeade.

What Theo didn't know, however, was that you weren't ignoring him on purpose, let alone ignoring him at all. You just had a lot on your plate, helping other students with their lessons, being a assistant for some teachers with extra work, doing your own homework and being Head Girl of your house. You had so much on your plate that you didn't even realize Theo was feeling like this.

"Where's y/n?" Mattheo asked his best friend a little more quietly so that the conversation remained private. " She's helping some first years with their studies and finding their way around Hogwarts now that the new year has started. "

Just as your boyfriend was about to hit his head down on the table, a soft voice sounded next to him " Hey baby, why are you hanging your head like that?" " Principessa?" His head shot up and his face began to beam with joy. " Come here sit with me." He scooted a little closer to Mattheo to give you more room. A few Slytherins gave you looks because you were sitting with them as a Hufflepuff, but you were already used to that.

You grabbed something small to eat and chatted with the rest of the table. You immediately feel Theo scoot close to you and put his hand on your leg. You smile a little and look at him. " What's wrong?" " I missed you." He whispered against your head, smelling your hair for the first time in a week. " When are you free again?" He asked and reached for your hand, but you stood up again at the same moment.

" I have to go, but I'll see you later, yes? " You quickly gave him a kiss and grabbed some more fruit. " What? But you haven't even eaten properly? Where are you going?" " Helping first graders, you know that." You smile and disappear from the Great Hall just as quickly as you came.

" Ugh…" Now he dropped his head on the table.

The day passed and it was time to go to Hogsmeade. "Hey man, maybe she's already there or she'll be coming after, don't worry." Mattheo tried to reassure his friend.

" It pisses me off. I'm her boyfriend! I should be more important than some stupid first years." Theo paced up and down the common room. " Yo, can we go?" Draco asked, coming out of his room. " Go ahead, I'll catch up with you." Determined, Theo got up and walked in the direction of the Great Hall first. Maybe you were hungry and came back. As he searched half the school for you, all sorts of thoughts and worries ran through his head.

What if you deliberately seek out so many tasks to keep your distance from him? What if your relationship is coming to an end? No, that couldn't be. He's the perfect boyfriend. He always listens to you, is always there for you, supports you in all your decisions, is attentive, loves spending time with you, even if it wasn't that important to you, but he also showered you with gifts.

Where could you be? He thought until a light bulb came on above his head. The library, of course. He ran up the many stairs until he stood in front of the library. Nervously, he looked for you. What happens if he asks you about it? What should he do if she says that she no longer wants to be in a relationship with him?

Although all the girls in Hogwarts were after him and he's extremely self-confident, he only had eyes for you and you were probably the only person in the world who could make him feel that way.

His heart skipped a beat when he discovered you with three first years. He cleared his throat quietly so as not to startle you. "Teddy? What are you doing here?" y/n whispered. You're the only one who's ever been allowed to call him that. The boys sometimes made fun of him, but were very quiet as soon as he threatened them.

" Can we talk for a moment? It's important." He urged, looking between her and the students. "You keep working on the task I gave you, okay? I'll be right back." The little ones nodded obediently and continued to work diligently.

You walked with Theo a few shelves to the back where you could talk undisturbed. "Is everything all right? Did something happened?" You asked worriedly. "Don't you want to be with me anymore?" He asked directly. " What? What are you talking about?" Confused and a little disappointed, she looked at her boyfriend. " You're not here all week y/n, no matter when we see each other, I have the feeling that you're taking every opportunity not to be with me. I - I'm scared for us. I miss you, damn I can't be without you around." He confessed.

"Teddy, that's absurd. I just want to help! You know I need good grades for my degree and it's easier to get them that way. I would never want to hurt you." She took a few steps towards him. "But you do! We are a couple! Shouldn't we be together more? I miss you so much, it's like my air is gone to breathe. I - I love you, y/n. Fuck I love you so much!"

Although they were together, neither of you had ever said the L word before. " You- You do?" " Of course! Why else would I be with you? Why else am I looking for you all over the school? Why don't you understand me?" Frustrated, he ran his fingers through his hair, completely enraged. " Theo I l - " " No you know what ? Forget it. It was stupid to come here, don't let me bother you. " " But - " but he was already out the door. " - I love you too." You whispered as he disappeared from the library.

On the way out, he realized what he had said. Fuck, wasn't he wrong after all? He knows how important your future and grades are to you. The more steps he took towards Hogsmeade, the more nauseous he felt. For the first time he told you that he loves you and then left you like that? Merlin, he has to straighten that out.

When he arrived in Hogsmeade, he bought a large quantity of your favorite flowers and lots of roses, chocolate and a present.

He was walking through the alleyways when the boys came towards him, Mattheo at the front. "Hey man, we've already seen you - what's wrong with you? Didn't go so well huh?" Theo shook his head. " No, not a bit, to be honest, I completely messed it up."

" Good luck then, don't mess it up again. She's pretty cool for a Hufflepuff," Mattheo grinned.

Back at Hogwarts, Theo already had a plan but he needed help. "Jane! Hey, I need your help, please." He looked at your best friend, who only returned his look in confusion. "What do you want, Nott?" She wasn't the biggest fan of his, but respected y/n's decision and trust in him. " I know it sounds crazy, but you have to let me into your common room." Jane started to laugh out loud " What? Have you gone crazy? In case you haven't noticed, you're a Slytherin."

" Jane please, I messed up and I need to apologize to her. I have something planned for her ." He pointed to the flowers and presents in his hand. "And you have to do this in her room?" She asked with a sigh. "Please." He swallowed all his pride and tried to be as convincing as possible.

Annoyed, your best friend exhaled and shook her head. "Okay, but let's keep this between us and for the record, I'm only doing this for y/n!" If Theo wasn't himself, he would have loved to squeeze her for joy. "Thank you! Can you give this to y/n? It says that she should meet me in her room." She took the note and pocketed it.

"Then come on, I don't have all day." She led him to the entrance of the Hufflepuff. " You never tell anyone about this, understand?" He nodded and continued to follow her. They walked through the same corridor as the school kitchen was. Suddenly, Theo stood in front of huge barrels, looking questioningly at them

Jane tapped on a barrel that was stacked between two others. She did it in a certain rhythm. Suddenly, the path to the common room opened up. Theo had never seen it before, let alone heard of it. " Through there, up and you're inside. Her room is the tunnel on the far left." " Thanks again. " He walked through the middle barrel and then up a short steep path through an earthy corridor, which brought him to the common room. The room was empty, probably everyone was out in Hogsmeade or somewhere in the castle for the weekend. As Jane had told him, he went through the small underground tunnel on the far left. The doors were round and looked like the lids of barrels.

Not quite his taste, but it all looked very cozy and sunny. (JKR had probably once described it that way.)

Inside y/n's room, Theo started putting up his favorite flowers and scattering rose petals around the room. He placed chocolate on the bed and kept the present in his pocket. It wasn't long before he heard the door open.

"Theo? What are you doing here?" You spoke a little more quietly, afraid that someone would notice that he was here. "Y/n please listen, I'm incredibly sorry. I shouldn't have hit on you like that, I know how important your grades are to you and I should have known that you wouldn't ignore me on porpose. And I'm also sorry that I just left like that after I said I love you. "

" Oh Teddy… " You walked up to him and hugged him tightly. He threw his arms around her and hugged her as tight as he could. " Is it true what you said?" " What do you mean?" " That you love me? " He looked down and took her face in both hands. " Of course, I love you amore. You're all that matters to me. That's why I reacted the way I did. I was… desperate and so… fucking touch starved. " I love you too, Teddy. " you told him with a smile on her face, looking into his eyes.

" Really?" He couldn't have been happier. " And all this wasn't even necessary." She pointed to the rose petals and chocolate. "Because I'm sorry too, I really should have thought more about us. Jane's going to help me tutor the children from now on. That way I have more time for us."

" I'm so glad everything is okay." He whispered against your forehead. " Me too." He took your chin between his fingers and lifted your head. " You're driving me crazy, dolcezza."

His lips brushed yours just softly at first, until you couldn't wait any longer and filled the gap between you two. The kiss was gentle but passionate. Theo grabbed both of your thighs and lifted you up, whereupon you wrapped both legs around him.

He sat down on the bed behind him, with you on his lap. You started giggling as he began kissing your neck. " Teddy… I don't know when Jane is coming back." " I want you so so so so bad… " " I know, but now is not the right time. I'm sorry… " He brushed a strand of hair behind your ear and smiled gently. " It's okay, don't worry about it. Besides, I have something for you. " He reached into his pocket and pulled out a cute little package with a bow. " Here baby, open it. " " Theo… you didn't have to do that, really. "

"Open it, trust me you'll love it." You carefully open the bow and flip open the small box. You accelerate quickly. " Oh Merlin, it's beautiful Theo. " With tears in your eyes, you took the golden necklace out of the box. On it hung the letter T which was set with small individual diamonds. "Will you put it on me?"

He took the necklace from your hand and pulled your hair to one side. He carefully put it around your neck and then put your hair back over your shoulders. "Thank you Teddy, I love it." Full of love, you kissed him, causing him to fall backwards onto the mattress. He briefly parted from your lips and looked down at your decollete, where his letter T now lays. " Fuck, now I want you even more than before. " You had to start giggling again. " Trust me Teddy, the right moment will come. " you said and sealed your words with a kiss.

Hope u enjoyed! Part 2 ?? Let me know ;)

my master list

xoxo Sarah

[ohsc]

₊˚⊹♡ in a week | sam winchester x reader

based on the song in a week by hozier

a/n - i’ve been wanting to write this fic for SO long and i know it’s kinda short but i’m happy with how it turned out!! in a week is my favourite hozier song and honestly one of my favourite songs of all time and aaagh i just had to write something for it, i hope you like it!!

cws - fem!reader, 1.4k, character death, fatal injuries, blood, process of dying, hurt/comfort, mentions of heaven

other fics can be found on my masterlist

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

Sam knew as soon as he hit the floor that he wouldn’t be getting up again.

It was strange, how the cold of the air made his blood seem almost hot against his skin, staining his rapidly paling flesh with a deep red he’d seen far too many times it was a wonder it hadn’t become his favourite colour. His favourite colour was actually green, natural and calming, far from the monsters and grime of his day to day life, closer to the comfort of his brother’s eyes and his own whenever he looked in the mirror and knew that he was okay. The damp grass beneath him was green, and though he wasn’t okay, having her at his side somehow made it all alright.

There was blood on her too, not too dissimilar to his own injuries. They’d both been in the clutches of death far too many times for the feeling of the tiredness that had started to cling to their bones not to be similar, but it was the first time Sam had ever felt comfortable over the whole thing.

With her laid at his side, it felt almost peaceful.

“Come here, sweetheart,” his arm lifted to tuck around her and that was enough for him to wince at the movement through he just grit his teeth through it until her body was pressed up against his, slotted together amongst the damp grass and the flowers of the early spring nature. “That’s it, there we go.”

It had been a while since they’d both gotten to the floor. There had been a silent understanding in the fact that neither of them would return to their feet, that they would spend their final moments by each others side with the bugs and the dirt. Sam could list numerous times that he had been fearful of her life, had done everything he could to save her, because he simply couldn’t live without her, couldn’t let her die alone.

Bodies held against each other, blood mixed and soaked into the earth, they weren’t alone.

“Stars are out,” her voice trembled, far too breathy, but she still sounded so pretty. The same voice that whispered in his ear to wake him up and the last thing he heard before he fell asleep. Sam had always admired foreshadowing and the beauty behind it. “Look, it’s—” her breath stuttered on her next inhale and his hand easily found hers, cold skin pressed to cold skin, clinging with what little strength they both had, a silent comfort, encouragement. “—it’s Orion’s Belt.” She finished, and though Sam couldn’t quite make out the individual constellations through his blurred vision, he was happy to enlighten her regardless.

“It’s pretty,” he murmured, blinking up at the beads of light that blurred and warped in his vision, before his head tilted to look at her instead. Even as his vision broke down slightly, he could picture her features. The shape of her nose, her lips, the colour of her eyes, eyelashes that tickled her cheeks as she blinked or laughed or smiled at him. It was enough to bring a smile to his face and he leaned in to kiss her temple. “You’re so beautiful.”

Her breathing hitched, a wet catch in her chest, and he didn’t need to see the tears in her eyes to know that she’d started crying. Sam had known her for so long that she had become a part of him, her soul intertwined with his in golden string, so he knew all of her mannerisms and sounds. The tears weren’t for panic or pain, something closer along the lines of contempt, tears that settled with acceptance.

“I love you,” the words practically heaved out of her chest and her fingers trembled in his as she struggled to tighten her grip much. He had felt in real time as the strength in her body bled out along with the crimson that stained her clothed and skin. It would have been frightening if not for the way his own strength had left him, evaporating with every heavy exhale. “Sam, I—” another struggled breath, another significantly weakened squeeze to her hand. “—you’re my home.”

Sam didn’t realise that his fingers had started going numb until he lifted his free hand up to cup the side of her face, a cheek usually flushed with colour now just paled hidden beneath his palm as he held her. And despite the way his vision blurred, with tears that time, he smiled at her. It took a lot more effort than he liked though he leaned in and pressed his mouth to hers, lips soft and shaky breaths as he kissed her, pouring all of his affection and feelings into her mouth along with their last kiss. “I love you.”

When Sam laid back against the grass again, he knew he wouldn’t sit up again.

There was so much he could have said, so many words and kisses he could have given her in that moment, but as he glanced down at her once more, felt the heaving of her chest with each breath, it all felt unspoken. He was comfortable to lay at her side, he felt loved. Sam had often wondered over the years how he would finally be taken out, but in the arms of his lover in a field of grass under a pretty sky was better than anything he could have imagined. He couldn’t have pictured a calmer or more secure way than sealing his last breaths in the touch of his lover.

Their flesh was colder, paler, and if he had the energy in him he supposed he would have started shivering. The night was cold, a remainder of the biting winter freeze that was slowly being melted by the spring. Whenever the sun came up everything would warm, though Sam wasn’t sure if he’d see the next sunrise. His heartbeat was slowing, he knew hers was too.

“I’ll find you,” he promised softly, words more breath than voice, blinking through tears that felt hot on his cold cheeks as he struggled to squeeze her fingers. “If we don’t get there together I’ll find you, honey.”

A soft sniffle at his side. “You’d better, Winchester.”

Sam smiled, wet and shaking, tears fell when he couldn’t squeeze her hand anymore.

He supposed that it would take some time for them to be found, in a week or so. The field wasn’t really near anywhere populated. They’d be accustomed to the local wildlife and the bugs in the ground before their bodies were discovered, but there was a comfort in knowing she’d be at his side through it all.

Hours, they must have laid there in each others arms for, or years, Sam couldn’t really tell. Her hand was still tucked away in his by the time the sky started to glow orange and it made him smile softly, a final sunrise. They’d spent countless mornings on the road or on cases together, stole small moments away to appreciate the sight.

“Look, sweetheart,” he breathed, a struggle in itself to tilt his head towards hers. “Look at that.”

Only once he’d blinked through the film of tears the sight of her eyelids instead of her irises was unmistakable. Curled into his side, her hand tucked into his, she looked like she had done every morning at his side for the better part of his life. Only she was cold and pale, and her chest wasn’t moving anymore.

“Honey?”

She stayed still, a perfect imitation of beauty at his side, tucked amongst flowers and green grass, she looked so pretty.

The sound that left him was wet and shuddery, though somewhere in his mind he was thankful that she had left first, she could hold the door open for him.

With what little strength he had left Sam curled on his side, her body completely pressed up against his as his head dropped, forehead pressed to hers, hand still and discreet in hers. A deep breath left his lungs, and they didn’t expand again.

Their bodies were found in a week, at home with each other amongst the flowers.

[multific]

Veils of Rivalry

Mattheo Riddle x Reader

Summary: You hated him, but you also didn't. It was complicated, but it also wasn't.

Once upon a time, in a Hogwarts, there were two individuals who were known far and wide as the fiercest enemies. 

Their names were Y/N Y/L/N and Mattheo Riddle, and their rivalry was the stuff of legends. 

They clashed at every turn, their sharp tongues and quick wits always ready to spar.

And it all started during your first year. 

Mattheo was as confident as ever getting into Slytherin. And you? Just a very lost Ravenclaw who was looking for their next class.

He ran into you, and didn't even apologise or help you collect your books.

"Rude." you said as he continued his walk.

It was only the first time but then words were exchanged and soon, the entire school knew, you and Riddle mustn't be left in the same room.

Despite your mutual hatred, there was an undeniable tension between you that neither of you could ignore. 

You denied your feelings, determined to maintain the facade of hatred that had defined your relationship for so long. 

But as fate would have it, circumstances plotted to bring you together in a way neither could have predicted.

One fateful night, a masquerade ball was held in the school, and both of you found themselves in the big hall. It was during your sixth year.

You didn't even notice that you were dancing around him.

In a moment of pure bliss and fun, you found yourself drawn to Mattheo, your hand reaching out to touch his arm. 

He looked at you, surprise and something else flickering in his eyes before he pulled you into his arms and led you onto the middle of the dance floor. 

You moved together in perfect unity, your bodies pressed close as the music played loud in your ears. You smelled tobacco on him, he smelled your sweet perfume.

As the night went on, it was as if all those arguments never even happened, as if you both forgot who the other was. 

And then, in a moment of pure impulse, you leaned in and pressed your lips to his.

A spark igniting that neither could deny. You weren't sure why you kissed him.

When you pulled back, your eyes went wide with shock and something else, something that felt dangerously like lust.

For a moment, you stood there, caught in a whirlwind of conflicting emotions. 

But then, this time, he leaned in and kissed you again, your passion igniting like wildfire as you finally allowed yourself to acknowledge the feelings that had been simmering beneath the surface for so long.

"Riddle," you said with a desperate tone, you hated to sound like that.

"Come with me." he said with such a soft tone of voice. 

You followed him to a silent corridor as you leaned against the wall, he trapped you in with his arms next to your head.

"I don't know what you are playing at, but I'm serious."

"I'm not playing." your reply was immediate, his eyes never left your eyes, you reached out and pulled him closer by his shirt. "Kiss me please."

And he didn't need to be told twice. 

His lips melted with yours, his arms moving to hold you closer. 

Taglist: 

@castellandiangelo @imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl @manduse @jacalineiscomingforyou

@mandoloriancookie @deliciousfestsalad @lilliumrorum @asgards-princess-of-mischief @fallout-girl219 

@dracaryxzs @snowtargaryen

~Masterlist~

ˇAO3ˇ

/YOU DO NOT HAVE PERMISSION TO TRANSLATE, OR TO STEAL ANY OF MY WORKS TO THIS OR OTHER PLATFORMS/

[astarionenjoyer69420]

reader x astarion - "i want an heir"

hi! this is my first fanfiction ever!

summary: ascended astarion has some...desires that only you can provide for him.

warnings: dubcon/noncon, smut, breeding kink, cnc, bondage

(not my gif)

You were his. Forever. Aetherna amantis, he had claimed. Lovers forever. It almost sounded too good to be true. 

You should have known it was too good to be true. 

Being one of Astarion’s spawn, albeit the prized one, was not all it was cracked up to be. Sure, you had a certain degree of protection. And yes, you got to live in this fancy mansion, existing by your lover’s side both day and night. And the bite marks he had gifted you on your neck; well, they were just more reminders that you were his, entirely his, and no one could take you away from him. 

But Astarion had been ascended for a few months now. You had gone from being his only one, his only prized spawn, as he had promised you, to brothers and sisters galore, traipsing up and down the halls of the palace he promised was solely for the two of you. As much as you wanted to complain, you knew your now master would never hear of it. And he would get in one of his moods.  

And when Astarion got in one of his moods…you knew trouble was headed your way. 

And that’s how you came to be completely helpless, arms bound to posts of his velvety bed, stark naked with the nip of chilled air the only thing covering your body, rag shoved in your mouth so you couldn’t even talk to yourself, couldn’t even make any noises besides mere vocalizations. 

At least you still got some individual attention compared to the other spawn. 

He had tied you up…crap, how long could it have been? Hours ago now, most certainly, or maybe that was just you getting in your own head. “Be good, darling,” he had purred, tugging your restraints so hard they dug into your flesh, after he had physically picked you up and forced you onto his bed. “I’ll be back when I’m done for the day.” But he had not said exactly when, and there were no clocks in this ancient room. So you had sat, tears welling in your eyes at the utter humiliation of it all, for what felt like an eternity. And the bastard knew you couldn’t fall asleep, either. 

But there was something else. The longer you waited, the longer the pool of warmth grew between your legs, aching with anticipation for what would come next. Your thighs smushed together, desperate to indulge in any sort of stimulation, imagination running wild as to what your master had planned for you. He had never…done this before. Forced you to submit to him. You were always a good girl. But defying, you realized, had its advantages. And with every bit you wiggled and the leather dug into your wrists, the more slick you felt fountaining from between your legs. 

Low noises from the hall…footsteps. Quick, light footsteps. Your heart thrummed at a breakneck pace in your chest. You would know that stride anywhere. He was back. Your cheeks grew hot, remembering how completely exposed you were, stripped of any choice in him seeing you entirely nude. And you were starting to begrudge that fire in your belly that picked up when you thought about your forced indecency. 

Your lover’s footsteps grew nearer, then stopped as you discerned the sounds of a key turning in a lock. You were practically vibrating with adrenaline when he stepped in the room, swiftly sealing his door behind him, red eyes shifting to your helpless form on his bed.

You couldn’t help it; in the face of such perfection you felt almost dizzy. Power radiated through him, jagged and dark and untamable. Under his cloak, bulging muscles tugged at the fabric, and his white curls boasted perfection, as always. You were so overcome with lust you could barely speak…even if you hadn’t had a gag in your mouth. He was always the most beautiful creature you had ever laid eyes on, but the commanding swagger he exuded after he became master to you and the other spawn was, admittedly, a great look for him. 

He approached your body, wisps of a smirk tugging at his perfectly plump lips. “Darling. Tsk. Look at you, still here where I put you all those hours ago.” His smirk widened, becoming overt. “Not that you had much of a choice…I mean, look at you.”

“Mmph,” you tried to respond, your inaudible reply sending a flood of humiliation to your head, and you became aware of a soft thrumming in your nether regions. God, you had no idea you were so into this, being completely and utterly helpless and so degraded, but you supposed you were just along for the ride at this point. 

A pause. Thirsty eyes gazed into yours, never breaking eye contact as his overclothes were shed, and you tried (in vain) not to ogle his perfectly defined body; he had to be handcrafted by the gods themselves. You were grateful for even this tiny moment to soak him in; he was so busy nowadays.

“Darling, I have a proposition for you.” 

Your eyes darted to his face, which had abruptly transformed into something more serious, more pensive. You really hoped this proposition had something to do with his mouth and a few choice body parts, although it had been mostly you servicing him like that since the ascension. “Mmph?”

He stepped closer to the bed, and he was so close you could almost (metaphorically) taste him; every inch of his flesh was perfect, and you longed to be able to touch him, to reach out and trail your fingers down his abs, caressing his marble figure, lowering your hand down to his happy trail and lower…lower…

He inhaled sharply, taking time to fully release his breath from his lungs. “Darling, it can’t be any surprise you’re my favorite of the bunch of these…creatures. You know, we genuinely had something before…all of this. It was cute, yes, cute, the way you stared at me, the flawed…thing I was before I became unstoppable. Unkillable.”

Okay, not off to the best start by calling you and the rest of the spawn creatures, but you would take it for now. Especially because he was really hot. Like, really hot. And missing him all day helped matters as well.

“And so, now to my point. I have been…thinking recently. About the future. About expanding my network, so to speak.” His brow crinkled, and he began to pace, back and forth by the foot of the bed. “And how, since you’re usually so terribly obedient, how I could honor you in some way, perhaps by making you a part of that future.”

He stopped pacing, averting his gaze to rest on you, his eye contact almost too intense to bear. “After today, I realized you couldn’t be trusted anymore to serve me. Struggling, resisting your master simply will not do. Which is why this is going to happen now, regardless of any of those pesky opinions you might have about it.” He spat the word opinions out like it was poison on his tongue, and unfortunately the growl in his voice made the heartbeat between your thighs thrum more intensely.

“I want an heir. And you’re going to carry him for me.”

Silence. Your pulse skyrocketed, feeling like a hummingbird in your chest, but your brain had not been able to process his words yet. An heir? As in, like, a child? A…pregnancy? No, no, that wasn’t possible between two vampires. Unless… “Mmph…”

“I know, darling, aren’t you just so thrilled to hear the news,” he cooed, reaching out, cool fingers cascading slowly down your cheek, every nerve in your body alight at the simple touch. “It can happen, you know. Between vampire and spawn.”

And he was by your ear, you flashing back to nights in camp right before he would bite down on you, excitement zinging through your body like a rogue boomerang. His whisper surrounded you, tickled your neck, had you crying between your thighs. “And you would look just so pretty all swollen with my child. Body completely belonging to me. That’s what you want, isn’t it?”

Logistically, you were panicking. Even if what he was saying was true, who knew if it was, that he could…get you pregnant in the first place, you had never been the maternal type. Your life as an adventurer had prohibited any thought of parenthood to ever cross your mind, and you figured you had officially forfeited that path once your heart had shuddered to a stop after your master’s ascension.

Logistically, sure, yes, bad idea. But an ever-growing part of you; one bellowing as it invaded you, sent waves of bliss through your body, moistened your inner thighs; wanted this. Wanted it bad, wanted it more than anything. You would be his, all his, a display of submission so great it physically took hold of you. None of the other spawn would have that privilege. And moment by moment, this was all looking more and more alluring. “Mmph…”

You felt yourself flush again as the vampire hopped into the bed, positioning himself so he was completely on top of you, using his two arms to balance himself, making you look at him directly in his glowing, almost ravenous eyes. Up close, it was even more unfair that he oozed perfection; unmarked skin, smelling of bergamot, rosemary and fine brandy, so tantalizing it made your head spin. Though you wanted to resist, wanted to protest, wanted to try and kick him off of you, Astarion was using the full extent of his vampiric charisma on you.

You couldn’t do anything but stare as he lowered himself to your neck, brushing gently against your collarbone at first, an involuntary moan escaping from your lips, only slightly resenting yourself for how much you would inevitably show you enjoyed this a little too much. With a low chuckle, he nipped lightly at your neck, not yet drawing blood, pain intermingling with pleasure as you knew he was marking you. He loved to do this, especially when he was in one of his moods, teasing you and working you up until you were begging him to give you pain, give you anything.

“Mmm…” you murmured as his teeth scraped your flesh, puncturing you, penetrating you, all over, as if your entire neck was his to maim. Your neck was throbbing, no doubt blooming now with marks all over, and you loved every second of it. You wanted the other spawn to know you were his, that you had the honor of being marked by him. 

Your hips bucked into him, once again desperate for any kind of touch, even just one lone finger. Your wrists yanked at the restraints as your body made itself known, shame of being completely nude gone, just wanting some release. 

Astarion pulled back, breathing hard, something gleaming in his eye. It wasn’t hunger, but it was close. Hunger for…something else. Something more than blood could give him. “Wear your hair back tomorrow,” he growled. “I want everyone to see what you let me do to you.” 

You nodded meekly, pulsing between your legs nearly painful, being fairly certain you had soaked the sheets. Although you knew you might be punished for it, you continued to try and grind on your master, though the angle wasn’t quite right. And he knew damn well what he was preventing you from doing, splayed completely on top of you, deadening any hope of movement in your legs for the time being. 

Astarion grinned. “I love it when you’re so good for me. See, it isn’t that hard, now is it?”

You shook your head, widening his smile, being only able to watch as he grabbed your breast, massaging it slowly with his hands, earning another choked moan from you as he pinched your nipple hard between two of his slender fingers. “Maybe if you were a bit more obedient this morning, you would get something of a choice in this matter.” 

His other hand made its way to your other breast, squeezing tightly. “But now…cute little sluts that like getting tied up need to get taught a lesson.” Your body was on fire, the shape of his large erection now prominently pressing on your thighs, and you dripped with want- no, need. “You want to get knocked up by me so badly, hm? You fought against me so hard this morning, but you want me to own your body for nine whole months more than anything, is that right?”

Any logical thoughts you harbored had sailed away long ago. “Mmm…” you replied in affirmation, drunk on him, his scent, his scarlet eyes, the low intonation of his voice, the way you were helpless, you had no defense, he could fuck a baby inside of you with no resistance. 

“Good girl,” he replied, and to your humiliation his hand trailed downward, dancing on your skin ever so slightly, goosebumps raising on your arm as he made his way between your legs, nearly casually dragging his index finger up the side of your folds. You gasped, the stimulation almost too much to bear, the bed quaking as your whole body seized with pleasure.

“Tsk, tsk,” he intoned, drawing his hand away as quickly as it had come, your clit thrumming with disappointment. “You have such a pretty little pussy, positively, delightfully soaked by me.” A low growl. A pause. Then: “Too bad I’m going to fucking ruin you for anyone else.” 

Before you could think, before you could react, his hand was back on you, aggrandizing slow circles being drawn around your clit, your heartbeat so loud you could barely hear his whispering. “Have to prepare you to be bred, darling. Have to give you so much pleasure your body knows me, and only me.”

Your legs shook, warm, radiant pulses emanating through every limb in your body, every neuron welcoming his touch, his filthy words, your complete and utter submission. You were already close- fuck, how were you already close? You pressed your pussy against him, trying to ride this high, to feel his beautiful hands while they were there. You began to tremble.

As if he could read your mind, his pace quickened, stroking you with renewed firmness, pressing down on your clit directly with his thumb, making you see stars. “Greedy,” he chided, his reproach only making you want him more, climbing higher and higher toward your release, flames licking at your core. “How does it feel to be defenseless? Totally at my mercy? Subject to the whims of your master, totally and utterly mine?”

You practically yelled as your body prepared you to cum, muscles tensing, his velvet voice so close to tipping you over the edge.

Then, he stopped.

Stopped point-blank, withdrawing his hands, sitting up, your body humming with broken promises, with betrayal. With wide eyes, you stared at his godly figure, silently beseeching him for an answer, for him to keep touching you, for…anything. You were a sopping mess, a puddle, your clitoris swollen with need. Tears sprung forward, much to your embarrassment. This wasn’t fair. You needed him.

You had apparently become upset presumptuously, because your lover had taken you to the edge and then ceased because he wanted to give you the proper treatment. This became obvious as the clothes on the lower half of his body were shed, you unabashedly reveling in the show, a huge, thick pale cock springing forward from his pants as they crumpled to the floor.

You always wondered how you could take him. Conservatively, he must have been eight inches, and you could barely wrap a hand around his girth. It had taken your breath away the first time you had seen it, one of your sweeter sexual meetups, a drunken encounter after a party, what seemed like ages ago now. It was sweet, him taking the lead, servicing you over and over again being the main event, him whimpering with carnal lust every time you so much as brushed against his length. But sweetness had been gone from your bedroom for a while now. Not that you minded so much. This…was also nice. Your mouth began to salivate staring at his perfect cock, wanting in equal measure for him to be inside of you and to taste him. 

Unfortunately, your master knew you too well, unabashed smarminess plain as day across his face after catching you ogling. He threw his head back to laugh; something you had never heard addressed to you before a few months ago, sadistic and mocking. “My little pet is so terribly desperate for this cock, isn’t that right, darling?” As you moaned your confirmation, he pushed your legs apart, the chill of the castle room whispering on your wet pussy, him smiling as he did so. In fact, he almost looked positively giddy to have you here, with no one to aid you. “Be a good little fuckdoll and take it, hm?”

You weren’t thinking about logistics anymore. You weren’t thinking about whether what he wanted was possible in the first place. All you knew, all you could register, all you could feel, was your body being folded in half, your legs nearly touching your shoulders, and your lover’s strikingly beautiful form above you, like a siren, like original sin himself. 

“Let’s cut the pretense, darling,” he purred, and you could feel him line himself up with your core, your body reading yourself for him, the tip of his cock dancing among your slick folds, your body writhing and spasming with need. “I’m not going to be gentle, nor must I be to give you my most precious gift, my son. You’re going to be stuffed full of my seed by the time I’m done with you, and you’re going to absolutely adore it. Understood?”

Astarion thrust forward, snapping into you, giving you no time to respond, no time to  adjust to his length. A cry escaped your lips, muffled by your makeshift gag; it felt like you were being torn in two, your pussy burning with the stretch of his width inside you, hitting your cervix, the pinch making your recoil. He began ravaging you, hips snapping back and forth, tears now streaming down your face and onto the silk pillows. He had never fucked you this brutally before, pain quickly ebbing into ecstasy as you clenched around his girth, so perfectly full of him.

Your master groaned, low and deep in his throat, eyes fluttering closed. His tough facade was crumbling, desire unmasked at last. “Always…always so fucking tight for me,” he panted, grabbing your chin, ruby eyes captivating yours as he pummeled you. He was a sight to behold, mouth ajar as he drew in breath, fangs glistening in the candlelight, smoldering gaze on your face. “G-gods above.”

The sound of your lover pumping inside of you permeated the stone room as if it were a heartbeat. Your mind spun, unable to focus on anything but the sensation of his cock impaling you, whimpering as he shifted his angle oh-so-slightly and hit your most sensitive spot. He knew how bad you wanted to be put in your place, the way his length dripped with your moisture revealing it, no perception checks necessary. 

“That’s right, darling,” Astarion cooed, recovered from the dominant edge slipping during his entrance, hips bucking faster within you, hammering your sweet spot. Dark spots danced at the edges of your vision. “Tell me, who’s my good little slut?”

Moaning through your gag, your walls eagerly clenched hard around him, feeling as if you were floating through the small pinches in your cervix as he thrust. It was you, you knew it was you, he knew it was you. You were his, mind, body, and soul. You couldn’t put any coherent thoughts together, and all you knew is that you wanted him as deep as he could go. 

He took you like that for a while, until you could feel your release approaching once again, the rhythm of Astarion inside of you so intense now you could barely breathe. Your fingernails dug into his back, earning a sharp hiss from the vampire, who in turn finally tore his eyes away from you to sink his fangs into your neck. Gasping at the sudden ache blossoming through your throat, you lost control. A wave of bliss tumbled through your body as you screamed, your orgasm ripping through you like a trail of fire. Astarion fucked you through it, every thrust to your overstimulated core making you see stars as you felt your blood slip further through his porcelain lips. 

As your climax receded, your vampire drew back, mouth and chin smeared bright crimson. You recalled the first time you had let him feed on you, the night you found out he was a vampire; he was careful, and he knew not to take so much. His face was softer then, a blush of gratitude touching his dialogue. Memories of that first night seemed so far now as you examined the beast before you, all sharp angles and lust.

“Well, isn’t this just perfect,” he sighed. “Thank god you’re so enamored with me. Conceiving is so much easier this way.”

And he began again, thrusting even harder than before. 

You could barely take it, the sensation of his cock burrowing even deeper inside of you, and you became conscious of embarrassingly inhuman noises you were eking out. Astarion gripped your chin, forcing eye contact as he continued to ravage you, minute beads of sweat trailing down his ivory face. Fingers dug into your face as you gazed into the vampire’s eyes, their shade of scarlet deeper than ever, unable to think about anything but his steely regard, futilely attempting to choke out his name. Smirking at your failed attempt, of course he was. He always made you feel so good, and unfortunately, he knew it. 

“Fantastic,” he cooed. “That’s my good fucking girl. You like this, don’t you? To be nothing but a toy for me. To be completely and totally vulnerable…” He hammered into you harder, your entire body nothing but a vessel centered around him, your sex practically chanting his name. His words sent pure shock to your core; resistance was futile and the new gush of wetness between your thighs proved it. Liking it was certainly inside the realm of possibility. Adoring it was far more likely. 

The bed groaned beneath your entangled forms, and your lover leaned in toward you, teeth grazing the top of your ear. “I’m close, my sweet.” And you felt yourself clenching around him much more, body thrumming with the promise of your shared release. 

With a grunt, Astarion dropped his face to ensnare you in a kiss as his warmth flooded into you, thrusting sporadically as he filled you to the brim. “Fuck,” he breathed as he forced himself deeper into you, taking care that none of his seed leaked from your eager hole. “Good girl, take all of it.” 

He grabbed your thighs, forcing your bottom half upwards, cum dripping further down into you, the angle change hammering you right in your most sensitive spot. You cried out as your release hit you like a freight train, muscles melting and becoming liquid, Astarion’s slow deep thrusts prolonging your nirvana. Ripples of adrenaline rushed through you as you felt his release pool in you, knowing undoubtedly that his rough breeding had worked. He decreased his speed until he was at a stop, your legs feeling awfully similar to jelly, as you basked in a combination of afterglow and shock at what had transpired. 

You stayed interlocked and still for a few minutes, your master’s breathing even and heavy, explaining in a whisper that he had to make sure the process was successful. You felt each beat of your heart in your chest, and if you had the privilege of language at the moment, you would have reassured him that your body was most certainly going to house his child. Eventually, he unsheathed himself, letting your hips back down to the four-poster bed, and you watched his statuesque form stand and begin to clean himself. After he had finished, with a smirk he made his way over to you and gently wiped your thighs of his release. 

You could do nothing but watch as he began to dress himself back into the armor he had previously worn, silently wondering if you were going to be let free.

Astarion didn’t even turn around as he spoke to you. “My pet, I think it only fair you remain in this bedroom for as long as it takes to successfully knock you up. I want you nice and helpless against me until I know for certain you’re too dependent on me to go anywhere. Shall we repeat this process…I don’t know…twice a day?”

Twice a day. For as long as it took until he could tell you were pregnant. Verbalizations strained against your gag, but you were completely ignored as Astarion walked out of the room, sealing and locking the door shut behind him.

Pregnancy symptoms could take a hell of a long time to show up. And maybe, even when they did…you could conceal them for a while. 

If it meant being used like this again, you would have done nearly anything. 

[myfairstarlight]

An Ode to Friends to Lovers - Colin and Penelope's story

Fine, I give in.

As someone who considers themself more of a casual viewer (as in, I've never engaged in the fandom before), I went into this new season with mild interest. And then I fell down the rabbit hole. I should have suspected it though, Friends to Lovers is a trope I affectionate particularly when it comes to romance, unfortunately one I very rarely think is done well. So I was still skeptical going in.

But by God, did they deliver on that front and I need to break it down and talk about it. So I guess this is my review of Bridgerton s3, part 1.

Under the cut though, because this is gonna be a long one (seriously, this is a warning).

I don't particularly think Bridgerton is a complex show, and one can argue all day about whether it is even good (in my eyes, as long as it's entertaining, I don't care if a show is "good"), however, the number of takes I've seen online not understanding basic story-telling worries me a bit.

Don't get me wrong, I agree this first half has pacing issues but I do not think Penelope's and Colin's love story suffered that much, it did not feel rushed to me since we already knew these characters for two whole seasons (and I maintain Colin has always had more depths than what people pretend he does, it seems like, just like the ton, viewers like to overlook him and just characterise him as naive).

And I guess this long ass post was born in the process. So:

Part One: Penelope's glow up

Yes I'm starting by looking at them individually first. I think this post on reddit sums it up so perfectly. I get we're all joking about how unrealistic it is that no man was ever interested in Penelope despite how she looks like an absolute goddess (and I maintain she was the cutest in both previous seasons as well!) - unfortunately it is realistic. That's the reality of bullying, it doesn't get solved by a glow up. Even her association with the Bridgertons through Eloise and Colin did not lessen the bullying, so without them? Even the prettiest dresses would not have changed the ton's perception of her, and she's still the awkward, anxious girl she's always been, and unfortunately, most of these men are not attracted to that. It's not satisfying, she doesn't get her triumphant revenge on a society that always ostracised her - and I think it's important that she does not. That she accepts it. She should not have to change for a ton that will not change for the better either. And it's a lesson she learns quickly - someone will love her for who she is, pretending will only lead to misery. And, it is when she's being herself that she successfully gets the interest of some gentlemen (shout out to Lord Remington! I was so hoping we would be seeing more of him on top of Debling. He's such a Whistledown fan I thought that even after the whole lesson reveal scandal he would have stuck to call on Penelope the next day to gossip together, it would have been cute but I guess he too wanted to avoid being written about) (also I'm just saying in fics he should be the one considered as a proper other suitor for Pen since they seemed to have a genuine connection, meanwhile Debling was really searching for practicality).

The thing I wanna add to that post is this: despite all that, she decided to change her looks for herself. When I first learned of the plot of this season, Colin helping her find a husband, I was scared it would mean Colin would be the one to tell her to have a makeover. It doesn't happen. Sure, Penelope subconsciously requests for a more Parisian style for her new dresses because it is the last place Colin went to, but by that point she has already given up on him. She wants something new, and to feel good in herself. That's how she blooms, by finding a style that she feels comfortable in, finally free from her mother's horrendous tastes. That's what allows her to be more confident as well, the new looks and her motivation to move on from her "unrequited fantasy". As for Colin? He never comments on her change, he compliments her dress (and mind you, that is when he's trying to play up the charm because he knows she's upset with him and he gets humbled, hard) but he never says it looks better on her than what she wore before, he never has a "I never realised how beautiful you were" moment we see a bit too often in friends to lovers stories, because to him she's still his Pen, new dresses, new hairstyles, but the same Pen he's always loved, even if he didn't realise to what extent yet.

But Penelope's confidence... is not quite there yet. Difficult to be, when she's grown up in a loveless home, with horrible sisters, a father who barely cared and a mother who constantly puts her down. Whenever she gets a compliment, her first reaction is "ah, it must be a joke" - that isn't even exclusive to Colin, in the brief interaction between Edwina and Penelope, when Edwina compliments her dress, Penelope also dismisses it. And then, there's Colin, who is always oh so honest with her and does not shy away from praising her. But I'll touch more on that later.

Part Two: Colin's new self.

And then we have the opposite: Colin showing up with a new attitude, and succeeding at it (well, on the surface). Something I haven't seen people bring up a lot though is that he's already tried a new look in s2, and he got mocked for it. The only one who didn't? Penelope. Why didn't he try to emulate being a rake back then? Because Penelope's letters grounded him, he admits it himself. It's seeing himself through Penelope's letters that gave him confidence. But that kind of confidence was not enough in the ton's eyes, and on top of that, between s2 and s3, this time Penelope doesn't write back, and neither do his family. He grows insecure, he's lost the one person who kept him grounded, he thinks his family is annoyed with him, and he still is in search of a purpose, so what does he do? He clings to Anthony's words in s1 after the disaster that was his engagement with Marina: he's too green, time to "fix" that and be more like his big brothers. They got it together, they know their purpose (well, Benedict lost his again but that's a story for another day), so surely, if he acts more like them, and not like the sensitive and naive boy he was, then surely everything will be alright! Right? Note that as opposed to s2, where he kept talking about his travels and it annoyed everyone, in s3 he doesn't go into details about them anymore, even when he's asked. They're only interested in the company he kept during the travels rather than the sights he saw. And honestly, it was heartbreaking to see right away how much of himself he was holding back, even with his own family. Penelope, however, gets the details without even asking because he already knows she likes hearing him talk about them and she makes him comfortable, and he's fully aware of that when he apologises in s3e1.

(I also want to note that, even if this new persona is fake, his new style genuinely fits him better. Just like Penelope, this season Colin found the style that makes him feel good and confident.)

And here's where I need to praise Luke's acting for a bit, because he absolutely nailed the subtle way Colin behaves differently with Penelope vs everyone else. His voice is softer, he is effortlessly charming (I was kicking my feet when he recalled how they met), his smile is bigger, even his whole face looks more relaxed whenever Penelope is around, meanwhile he always appears stiff and like he's calculating his every move when around his "friends". In fact, it is in the carriage scene we finally truly see s1&2's Colin back. When he has that look on his face, as he decides right there and then he's gonna marry her, and then a second later when he asks the question, his face. By God, his eyes are sparkling, he's so happy, and he looks as youthful and carefree as he did in previous seasons, far are the thoughts of trying to fit in a society that he hates.

Because above all, these two know and understand each other in a way no one else in their lives does. And that is a fact that remains despite the outward changes. So yes, I liked that their dynamic did not shift to romance because of their "glow ups", but because they are spending even more time together now. Speaking of which:

Part Three: Authenticity and Vulnerability

One big theme this season is being true to oneself. It's no coincidence mirrors are such a big part of it (even outside of the yet to be seen spicy scene), because looking at a mirror means looking at oneself, and be vulnerable. If s2 was about duty vs heart, eldest siblings trying to do right by their family to the point of self-sabotage, s3 is a battle between the head and the heart. It is not even exclusive to Polin - Eloise is learning and growing by trying to take genuine part in society but struggling to fit in. Cressida wants to become a better person, torn between the pressure put on her shoulders by her parents and this new friendship with Eloise. Benedict is looking for his purpose after learning Anthony paid his way to art school, and feeling like a fraud as an artist. Anthony and Kate are unashamedly in love, as they deserve to be after the struggles they went through last season. Francesca has no care for the suitors the Queen and her mother parade in front of her as the "sparkler" of the season (sidenote but I hated that, stupid name, should have stuck to diamond or select another gem) as her heart seeks out the handsome and quiet John Sterling instead. And this will continue in part 2, as Penelope will have to be honest about Lady Whistledown (because she's always her most authentic self around Colin, there is still this big secret she is so determined to keep to herself, when she should not).

The beauty about friends to lovers stories to me is the small declarations of love sprinkled throughout the relationship. It's about the trust already built in with no expectations and the vulnerability we'd never allow anyone but our closest friends to see, something even our family can be ignorant to. I mentioned earlier that Colin never shies away from praising Penelope, way before their dynamic shifts to lovers. He tells her she's good, constant, loyal, special, warm. All of these are declarations of love, even if not with romantic intent, it's about showing his appreciation for her, for the role she holds in his life. And Penelope responds in kind as well. That is why I believe people who think the romance was rushed in s3 either did not watch the past two seasons or see friendship and romantic love as two distinct things rather than a cohesive continuation of each other. In s1, people focus so much on the Marina stuff, as if that cancels out Colin's friendship with Penelope. We still do see Colin actively seek out Penelope at balls, and defending her against Cressida, he compliments her and tells her she's the one who inspired him to travel. Then s2 rolls in, and they're exchanging letters, which will become the cataclysm for their dynamic changing later on. And then there's one of my favourite scenes with them: them talking about their purpose. They both open up here, Colin about his insecurity, Penelope about her dream, it is so intimate. And then, there's of course Colin protecting the Featheringtons from ruins. I'm mostly emphasising Colin's actions, because Penelope's crush on him was always in your face, and while Colin may not have realised it yet, he's always cared about Penelope in a special way, as manifested by his actions and how vulnerable he allows himself to be around her, when even his own family has no idea about what's going on inside his head.

There's a misconception that Colin calling her his friend was him rejecting her, and yet we see in s3 he had no idea whatsoever that she has a crush on him, so he could not lead her on (unlike his book counterpart, who was aware of Penelope's infatuation and was careful never to toe the line until he realised his feelings. Show Colin though? Completely oblivious. And it makes sense, he's still young.) He asks Violet "how do you know it was reciprocated" and not "how do you know you're in love with your best friend". As of right now at the end of part 1, he genuinely thinks he's the one who fell in love first, or at least realised it first. His "You're Pen, you do not count, you're my friend" in s2, was not a rejection in his eyes, but a declaration of love; he's forsaken love and women but not his Penelope, never her, she's his exception And it's not like Penelope resented him for that friendship he so readily gave her, yes she had a crush, but she was proud to call him her friend! He was, with Eloise, her solace away from her family. At the end of the day, this is a friends to lovers story, it is silly to get upset that they considered themselves friends first before there is a click as they realise they are now on the same page to shift their relationship.

Side note but I've never liked the term "friendzoned" because it makes it sound like being friends is a bad thing. I've had unrequited feelings before but I've always felt grateful that being friends with them allowed me to stay close to them even if I knew nothing else could happen. I was still very much happy and content. But maybe I'm projecting on Penelope and that's another debate.

See, what I ended up loving about the lesson plot, which I was so wary of at first, is that Colin barely teaches Penelope anything. At first, he goes for the "do what society expects women to do" (since it worked for him) but then she acts awkwardly, she can't fake it, and it surprises him for a moment. That's when it clicks for him, she just needs to be comfortable because with him, she's always smart, witty and charming, she's herself. He's always seen her that way, and he did not quite realise he had that privilege in the first place. And I love how we see him slowly realise it is no longer a privilege thanks to his help. We see it in e2. When she talks to the guy with the dead horse (forgot his name, oops), Penelope forces the flirt and Colin is amused by it. Fast forward Penelope approaching Lord Remington by herself, without Colin's initiative, and she's being more authentic, and suddenly Jealous by Nick Jonas plays in the background and Colin doesn't look proud, but apprehensive, or dare I say jealous. The shift in Colin's head happens long before Debling is in the picture. I'd argue it already shifted earlier in that episode, in his study, which he flashbacks to in e4.

His journals detail how unfulfilled he feels when he lays with random women in his travels. He longs for emotional intimacy. And guess with who he finally finds that, when a certain red-head asks the one question that allows them to break the physical barrier they had to keep between them for the sake of propriety?

Ah yes, that first kiss. To Colin, everything has been building up to this, this is his true Oh moment. A favour turned into a revelation. For Penelope, this is quite literally the end of her fantasies. This is Penelope's most vulnerable moment. She bares her heart, she's sad, she's desperate. And some people have been calling that moment pathetic, interpreting it as her being weak and giving in to her crush again, saying that she should not have to beg for that man's affection. I concur that she is brave, and bold. I also concur that some of you all are a bit too attached to the girlboss archetype forgetting that allowing oneself to be vulnerable is also a strength. She's never had to beg for Colin's attention anyway because he readily gives it to her, but in this one instance, for once in her life, she is truly being honest. In her head, she has nothing else to lose, and she wants to experience the one thing she thinks she can never have so of course she's gonna turn to the one person she's always trusted and feels the most comfortable with, because before her crush, Colin is her friend. She's asking a favour from a friend. And then she can move on, whatever "moving on" will turn out to be. In this instance, she has the power in her hands.

And it is her bravery that is the true cataclysm for things to change properly. Of course, things have already started to change the moment she stopped replying to the letters, but that moment really expedited their relationship.

Part Four: Lovers, but in a best friends way

The thing with Bridgerton, in the books or in the show, is that each couple has their trope. This is not news to anyone, I think. We've had fake dating, and enemies to lovers, and one characteristic that these two tropes share is a growing tension between the characters before it snaps. There is a reason the early marketing for s3 focused on Penelope being cold towards Colin, tension and conflict are more appealing on the surface. And then the first half of the season comes out and that conflict between our main couple? Solved after one episode because they did one thing that is severely missing in most romance dramas: communicated healthily. Penelope laid out why she was upset (although she does not stay to let Colin explain and then vents out her feelings in Whistledown... she still has some learning to do), Colin immediately went to apologise and make up for it. All of this by talking. And yet I'd argue friends to lovers still has its own tension, just not to the same intensity as the other two, and more difficult to market. The tension comes from the brewing feelings, the way you start seeing every touch, every interaction, in a whole new light, and wondering if it's only in your head or if it's reciprocated. But now combine that with Colin who's always been so earnest about his feelings with Penelope? And Penelope who's always quietly wanted their relationship to evolve that way? Of course they figured it out quickly and got together in half a season. And I'm delighted that we will see them handle the whole Whistledown mess as a couple, as two people aware they love each other deeply, which gives a whole new meaning to the conflict compared to the book where I felt like it was brushed over a bit too quickly (because they got distracted in that carriage). It is the last secret between them, their last obstacle.

I also do not like the "Colin should have grovelled and pined more" argument, when he is the one who insisted on the lessons to help her find a husband in the first place, and then has to face the fact that actually, he doesn't like the idea of another man taking Penelope away, and oh, isn't that the consequences of his own actions? He is grovelling, you just don't see Penelope holding it over his head, because that's not the person she is, this is not a revenge fantasy story, in fact she does not realise the power she has on him because she is used to Colin seeking her out. I like that he didn't stew on his feelings and decided to act on them right away. I also don't like how this whole grovelling thing makes it sound like love is a competition, that just because Penelope has known she's been in love for longer and "suffered" longer, that means Colin needs to do the same to even the planes. Because in my eyes love isn't exactly something to be earned — it is given. Now, are you worthy to keep it? To nurture it and make it bloom and last? That is the real question.

Admittedly, since this is only the first half of the season, we do not see them in a romantic setting a lot. That first half is focused on them rekindling their friendship lost during the summer when Penelope stopped responding to the letters, and Colin having the realisation he cannot live without his best friend, not just because she is his best friend, but also because he loves her. But we do have two important, and obvious instances.

So let's talk about that first kiss again. It is, in my opinion, one of the most gentle and romantic moments in the show so far and also showcased their friendship really well. Colin trying to joke to lighten the mood as Penelope spirals down (peak best friend behaviour actually), the gentle, swelling music, the light of the moon, Colin's deep exhale of realisation as he holds her face when he goes back in for the second kiss, with the furrowed brows of a man on a mission. This is Penelope's most vulnerable moment and Colin's big realisation. And I felt like I was intruding.

And same goes for that carriage scene, but even before they go at it; now this is Colin's most vulnerable moment, and Penelope's realisation that they can be more. He chases the carriage by foot, then goes on his knees to confess his feelings to his best friend in the softest and most determined voice we've ever heard him use this whole season, eyes wide, tears threatening to fall as it is his turn to bare his heart and ask for a chance. Meanwhile Penelope takes it all in, running her hand through his hair because she can finally touch him, melting under him. Things get steamy. And then... and then... The carriage stops, they get startled, Colin jokes that the driver should have kept on driving and then... they laugh. They just made out, and went to second base together, and yet here they are now, laughing. It is such a genuine and lovely moment. And it's then that Colin has that look in his eyes, that "I'm gonna marry her" look. That is when he realises he cannot live his life without her. That his purpose is now right in front of him: making Penelope Featherington, soon to be Bridgerton, laugh until the end of their lives.

Conclusion

There's no conclusion, I just love them so dearly. Yes, there still is the whole Whistledown mess to deal with and sure, the argument with Eloise may make you think great angst is ahead but if there is one big difference between Colin and Eloise, it is this: Colin has always listened to Penelope, and this is not a diss on Eloise. Eloise, bless her heart, can be pretty self-centred, she's loud and a bit immature, something she is growing from in s3, and you cannot ignore that she did not really listen to Penelope (she has no idea Penelope wishes to marry when Penelope tells her she does in s1, we can blame the writing, but I do think it fits with Eloise's journey to realising how privileged and dismissive she is. Penelope was too polite to call her out until their falling out. Meanwhile Cressida is exactly the type of honesty she needs for a wake up call). Colin, on the other hand, is very sensitive and a good listener. Furthermore, this season, Penelope is learning to be more confident, to voice what she wants, and I like to think it is leading to her finding her own voice and not needing Whistledown to hide behind anymore. If there's someone with whom she has no filters, it is Colin, so I have faith that when the reveal happens and an argument breaks out, this new Penelope will not back down and will lay out all her reasons and all her regrets, and Colin may be stubborn, but he loves that woman and he always listens.

A part of me also wishes they keep the jealousy he felt about her writing in the book, and that they don't focus just on the whole "you lied to me" aspect (we've already had that with Eloise). How he, himself, is insecure about his writing, and here Penelope is, less fortunate than he is, and yet who did have the courage to get her writing out there, even if publishing under another name. Because that is also a reality in relationships, when your partner is at a different stage in their career, and how they can communicate to support one another.

Anyway, I'm just rambling now (as if that isn't what I've been doing this whole time). I like them. A little. Just a bit. I'm very normal about them <3

[ayno-magi]

𝕋𝕒𝕝𝕜 𝕋𝕠 𝕄𝕖!

𝘗𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘖𝘯𝘦

𝑶𝒖𝒓𝒂𝒏 𝑯𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒔𝒄𝒉𝒐𝒐𝒍 𝑯𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝑪𝒍𝒖𝒃 [𝑹𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓 𝑰𝒏𝒔𝒆𝒓𝒕]

❀ ✿ ❀ ✿ ❀ ✿ ❀ ✿ ❀ ✿ ❀ ✿ ❀ ✿ ❀ ✿ ❀ ✿ ❀ ✿ ❀ ✿ ❀

“Mama! Mama! Please, don’t go!" Your voice trembled with desperation as you clung onto your mother's shirt, tears streaming down your face. But her expression remained cold and unmoving, her feet dragging forward, disregarding your pleas. "Please, Mama, don't leave! I'm sorry! Don't go, Mama! I love you!" It was as if she couldn't hear your words, and your throat ached from the strain of trying to convince her to stay.

Her hand forcefully pushed you away, causing you to fall onto the ground. As you looked up, her eyes met yours, the same eyes that mirrored your own. You were about to reach out and cling onto her again, but then she uttered those words that shattered your heart. "You have ruined everything. Why did I give birth to a monster like you?" A monster. She believed you were a monster. A lump formed in your throat, paralyzing you in place as your mother turned her back on you, never once looking back.

You knew deep down that you were to blame, that it was your fault for saying anything. You hurt her. Your small hands instinctively covered your mouth, muffling the choked sobs and whimpers that escaped. In that moment, you promised to yourself - you would never speak again, so as to never hurt anyone ever again.

──────────────────

You opened your eyes seeing your feet putting one foot in front of the other, “It’s a bit surprising getting a transfer student this late into the term. But as long as you’re comfortable with it I guess the headmaster doesn’t mind.” Your eyes shifted up to see the back of your new teacher, his hands stuffed into his pants carrying the roll call book under one of his arm.

The sound of his monotone voice and both of your footsteps echoed in the halls of the Ouran Academy.

“I do hope you’ll find yourself to like it here. The students here are as you know from prestigious and wealthy families. You’re living with your grandparents, right? What do they do for a living?” Not hearing a response from you, which he didn’t seem to care for or press you on about.

You turned you head to the rows of windows that let in the glowing light of the sun you had to squint in order not to blind yourself, seeing the gardens and fountains decorating the massive courtyard. You couldn’t even see the front entrance gate from how big this school is. You looked over to the clock tower, it was as high as the white birds were flying, was everything at this school an aesthetic?

The footsteps in front of you stopped, “We’re here.” Your teacher said, you had to arch your neck to get an overlook of the grand double doors your teacher must’ve senses your uneasiness continuing to say, “Don’t worry about anything, just enjoy yourself.” Trying to keep his advice in mind, he reaches out to pull on the golden handles when the doors cracked open, you could hear the chatter of the students.

You felt your chest tightened placing a hand over your heart to prevent it from beating out of your rib cage. You looked back down at your polished shoes watching them move on their own again and your body followed, “Alright everyone, take your seats,” you could hear the shuffling of footsteps and chairs scraping against the marble floor, “Starting today we have a new student joining Class 1-A, she just moved from America so please be kind and help her out. Go head and introduce yourself,” the low whispers filled your ears even though it was quite than before, you felt their voices were next to your ear hearing each individual distinctly.

Taking a deep breath you tilted your head up to see the bright yellow frilly dress of daisies and the blue sea of suits with the each one having a face. You scanned around the classroom so fast everything felt like a blur. You swallowed your spit clasping your sweaty palms together you felt like yours hands were going to slip off each other’s grip. Your beating heart ran and thumped overtaking the whispers that were yelling, you felt like they were going to hear it from how loud it was.

Feeling you face going hot and red, your nails digging the back of your palms you couldn't help but feel embraced at the multiple eyes staring at you, waiting.

You were afraid if you looked down you’ll see your heart trying to escape from your chest. It wasn’t until your eyes landed on a pair; with their size and the warm hues of honey and chocolate, the eyes were impossible to ignore. It seemed to sparkle in the light creating a memorizing effect, holding so much depth and warmth, it drew you in. You had to blink to snap back into reality, taking another deep breath and looking into their awaiting eyes caused a relaxant that kept your heart contained.

Oh right! Introduce yourself! You opened your mouth only to quickly close them again you turned around, grabbing a piece of chalk you raised your hand, as soon as you placed the tip of chalk onto the board you saw the access fall, like light pieces of snow falling. Shakily, you dragged your hand down:

‘𝐻𝑒𝓁𝓁𝑜, 𝓂𝓎 𝓃𝒶𝓂𝑒 𝒾𝓈 (𝒴/𝒩) (𝐿/𝒩). 𝒫𝓁𝑒𝒶𝓈𝑒 𝓉𝒶𝓀𝑒 𝒸𝒶𝓇𝑒 𝑜𝒻 𝓂𝑒’

┌─────────────────❀*̥˚┐

𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙂𝙞𝙧𝙡 𝙒𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙖 𝙎𝙞𝙡𝙚𝙣𝙩 𝙑𝙤𝙞𝙘𝙚!

└❀*̥˚─────────────────┘

You shuffled back around, bowing your head low still too embraced to look up. Once again facing your shoes, you could see your reflection of your face from how polished the floor is, you looked as though you had ran a marathon, flushed cheeks and sweat falling down the sides of your temple. You can hear the delayed claps of the students in the classroom, you stood straight back up almost giving yourself whiplash, although your eyes still stayed glued to the floor.

A hum came from your teacher, he sounded as though we was amused, “Please take the empty in the back, Miss. (L/N),” his voice was flat, but still clapped his hands almost trying to congratulate you giving yourself some pride.

Shifting your eyes quickly, you caught an empty desk in the back scrambling your way past the many student ignoring the staring looks that you could feel burning on your back. You almost bumped into your desk trying to a take a seat, you looked at your hands that were tightly gripped together in your lap, relaxing them you saw the reminisce of the chalk on your fingers you felt some of the pressure lifted off your shoulders as they lax still keeping your head down.

You closed your eyes, darkness filled your vision.

You really hope... that you didn't leave a terrible impression? You gave it your all, and that's all that counts, isn't it?

──────────────────

As the bell ring, you slowly spend your eyes and lifted your head, was class over already? You didn’t fall asleep, did you? You saw students raising from their desk, going over to their friends as the chatter filled the room.

You blinked multiple times to realize that you literally just missed your first lesson, “Hey! You’re (Y/N), right?” The call of your name made you jump in your seat, that was your name, were they talking to you? Who was? Why did they call your name? You looked around frantically, seeing a bunch of girls in their fluffy dress frolicking over to you, you gasped. They’re heading over to you!? Excited smiles plastered on their faces, “You’re from America right!”

“What’s it like!”

“Which state are you from!”

“Have you been to New York!”

“Or Paris! Europe! Oh my!”

“What do your parents do!”

“Do you want to have tea with us?”

“How about lunch?”

.

.

You stayed silent as the bombard you with questions, you look at each of their faces, looking at you with a waiting response.

You felt a wave of discomfort and silence settled in as you struggled to find your words overwhelmed by the sudden attention, breathing through your nose finally summoning all your courage your fingers scrunched up your own clothes, your gaze intensified, you opened your mouth, “Y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y..” you trembled in your seat as you tried to flick your tongue to say what you wanted.

The girls were taken back by your response, stepping back with surprise, “U-uh, you know what! Maybe next time? Sorry for bothering you!” One of the girls awkwardly chuckled, the others nodded in agreement giving you a wave, they hurriedly distanced themselves. You jumped at their sudden reaction to stray from you, reaching a hand out to stop them but all have left the classroom.

The sound of one of them calling you scary under their breath lingered in the air, leaving you feeling a mix of confusion and disappointment you let your outstretched hand fall back to your side.

Your lips stretched out in a thin line, and as you sat back down a heavy feeling weighed down on your chest. So much for giving a first good impression.

"Oh my, did you see that Kaoru?"

"I sure did Hikaru."

"Seems like this little bird couldn't get along with the others in the nest."

"She must feel like the little runt."

"What a shame," hearing both voices overlap made you look up, facing a pair of twins standing in front of you, one of them was laying their elbow on the other shoulder whose hand was on his own hip, both looking down at you.

What disturbed you was their devilish smirk that you know had no good intentions, which didn't mean that they didn't have bad intentions (it doesn't mean it was good either).

You blinked owlishly at them, did they essentially call you a loser. Your lips turned down giving them a furrowed expression they seemed to smile more.

"Uh-oh did we touch a nerve, Little Dove?" The one on the right commented.

"Should we touch have touched something else?" The one on the left added.

You winced at that, partially disturbed.

"Oh, I'm sorry, we forget to introduce ourselves. We're the Hitachiin Twins."

"Hikaru," you looked at the boy to the right.

"And Kaoru," then to the boy on the left.

Moving and talking in sync they leaned in closer to your desk making you reclined back into your chair. You were just honestly shocked that not one, but two people walked up and chose to talk to you of their own free will.

"We're sorry, Little Dove,"

"We didn't mean to tease you,"

"You just looked so cute, we couldn't help ourselves." They spoke in a sultry voice:

"Can you.."

"Forgive me.."

It was as if they could read each other's minds, completing each other's sentences effortlessly. Growing up together from birth, they had developed an uncanny ability to understand each other's thoughts, almost word for word.

They stared at you with far off looks and parted lips, this felt... a bit intimate. You gave each of them long stares then looked down at your lap, deep breaths. In..and out..

.

.

"...I..under..st..st..and.." You breathed out, like you were confessing something, their looks wasn't just for show, this was a test.

A test to see if you can you understand that you are talking to Hiakru and Kaoru, not just one person, not interchangeable or indistinguishable from each other. But two individuals with their own personalities, thoughts, feelings, and motivations just cause they’re twins doesn't mean they are the exact same person, they're also brothers.

They said 'Forgive me' not 'us'. They wanted you to acknowledge that each one is apologizing for their own actions. They are not deflecting blame or trying to shift responsibility onto each other. Instead, they are demonstrating their sincerity and commitment to making amends for any harm they may have caused.

By recognizing and respecting the distinct identities of Hikaru and Kaoru, it's a reminder that each person is a complex and multifaceted individual, deserving of understanding and empathy in their own right.

They wanted you to know, Hikaru is apologizing and Kaoru is apologizing.

You nodded at your own conclusion before looking up at them.

Their eyes were blown wide, your cheeks started to burn, did you say the wrong thing? Was this not actually not a test! You definitely were overthinking about this their words had no meaning, right?

You stood up from your chair the wooden legs scraped against the floor, causing a few students to glance in your direction. To avoid the mounting pressure, you took the same page as the girls who approached you earlier and you made your way out of the classroom. The sound of your shoes clicking in the hallway echoed, feeling the steam coming off your head you covered your face.

Why did you have to say that to them, you understand what? You literally just met them, they probably gave you those looks cause they were confused. You don't know them and you don't understand anything about them; is absolutely what they were thinking.

Maybe it's best if you don't talk to those brothers again.

──────────────────

You managed to calm down, feeling that your face wasn't burning your palms anymore.

But, you felt very conflicted to go back to the classroom not ready to face any one else.

Placing a hand on your chest, you looked down at your feet.

"You’re living with your grandparents, right? What do they do for a living?"

Living with your retired grandparents has been a refuge for you, a sanctuary from the chaos of your family life (mentally and physically) back at home.

Their opulent lifestyle and grand mansion provide more than you could’ve ever asked for. When your grandmother suggested that you live with them for the rest of your high school years, you eagerly accepted. Not to mention, your grandfather was oh so ever very estatic about it.

But deep down, you couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by the expectations that came with attending such a prestigious academy.

Grateful for the opportunities it presented, you doubted your own abilities and wondered if you were truly deserving of this chance. However, you managed to pass the entrance exam with flying colors, proving to yourself and others that you were capable.

Despite the challenges you have faced and the lingering fear that still resides within you, living with your grandparents has allowed you to finally breathe, even if just for a moment.

"Ne! Are you okay?❀"

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.

.

You popped your eyes open to be face to face with...a stuffed bunny?

The bunny was lowered, and the person who held the stuffed animal was prominently shorter than you, "Usa-chan noticed that you looked sad and wanted to know if you were okay! Maybe something sweet will help!❀" The blonde boy said with innocent eyes and a warm smile.

You then noticed his acquaintance, a taller boy with striking dark grey eyes.

"❀Actually, I never see you here before? Are you new? Are you a first-year? Second? What's your name? Do you like cake? What's your favorite type of cake? Oh! I know! You should have some cake with us! Cake can solve anybody's problem!❀" You can see the flowers that bounced around him. You felt steam coming from your head from the over load of questions, his smile was very bright and cheery especially towards you, a random student who he never met before.

His chattering stopped when you pointed a finger at him, curious eyes stared before he pointed at himself, "Me? Who am I? You can call my Honey! I'm a third year!❀" The boy, Honey--Honey-senpai saunters over to the taller male and clung onto his leg, "This is Takashi! But you can call him Mori, we're in the same class ❀," Honey giggles jovially.

Oh wow, you're meeting some of your Senpais on your first day, you looked down at the bunny in Honey's hand and pointed, "Oh? Heh!❀ This is Usa-chan! Do you like bunnies, he really likes you!❀” The exaggerated flower gesture was overwhelming, as Honey's positivity radiated.

He tugged on your dress, “Ne ne! Guess what, I really like you too! Let’s be friends! Okay!❀” The rapid transition from strangers to friends in under 5 minutes left you stunned.

You didn’t realize how you looked until Honey started to frown big bubbly tears forming in the corners of his eyes, “Do-Do you not wanna be friends with us?” His lips quivered, from his perspective, you seemed utterly devastated, your eyes vacant and wide, giving off an unintentional glare. Huh?! Your eyes widen like saucers, you shook your head, tears fell down his face, “No? Whaa!!” A throaty gasp escaped from you when Honey jumped onto Mori, “She doesn’t wanna be friends with us! Whaa!!” You tried shaking your head even more! That’s not it!! Where did he even come up with that assumption!!

From Mori’s point of view, he absolutely understood what you were trying to say, he was about to intervene when you got to it before him, “N…no!..” Honey’s cries stopped, looking at your form from Mori’s shoulder, while you were facing the ground, your face flushed from your sudden courage of your small outburst.

.

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Okay, deep breath in, clasping your hands over your chest, you took a breath out:

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“I..I…do...”

‘I do want to be friends’ Is what you wanted to say.

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.

You could hear your own heart beating in your chest, the silence in the air could be cut with a knife. Did you say too much?! Or was it the wrong thing to say!?

Your thoughts were cut off by arms wrapping around you, Honey’s laughter echoed in the halls “Yayy!! Takashi, did you hear that! She said she’ll be our friend!❀” Once again, flowers surrounded him.

He gave you a tight squeeze before spinning himself around, throwing Usa-Chan in the air whil laughing gleefully. His infectious laughter prompted a small smile from you, and you glanced at Mori who had a tender expression in his eyes as he watched Homey. It was evident that these two shared a deep bond, apparent to anyone who observed them. Mori's gaze shifted to you, surprised that you had been caught, and you quickly bowed your body while maintaining eye contact, afraid that you had upset him and avoiding his gaze would imply running away. Mori simply nodded at you, without a glare or any facial expression. It was a gentle nod, his own way of expressing gratitude: thank you.

"Mitsukuni," he uttered softly, his voice resonating in your chest and sending a chill down your spine. It seemed like he called out just as lunch was ending, aware that Honey could chat endlessly. The sound of his voice was so gentle and soothing.

“Oh! Class is about to start! Ne ne! Come visit us at the Host Club so we can have cake together, okay! ❀” Honey once again looked up at you with his own name colored eyes, you nodded.

Satisfied with your answer, they made their way down the hall as Honey waved back at you with Usa-chan in his waving hand, the bunny being frolicked in the air, “Bye-bye! Haha! ❀” you bowed once more before waving back.

Well, that was eventful. You turned a different way to head back to your class.

──────────────────

If you could find it that is! You thought you were going the right way, but you might just have gone further from where you had the conversation with Honey.

Your body trembled, it’s like being lost from your mom at the supermarket. Students passed by you in the halls and none of them looked familiar, not that it would help you since you were looking at your feet the whole time while trying to introduce yourself in your classroom.

“Excuse me, are you new. I’ve never seen someone like you around here.” A savior!? You turned you had at the sound of the voice. Behind you stood a guy with black hair and glasses, a book in his hand staring at you with his very dark colored eyes. He seemed studious, “Are you first year perhaps?” He adjusted his glasses, you nodded. He was quiet after that. Clasping your hand together, you stood straight looking right back at him.

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.

.

Was this a staring contest? You’re not sure who even lost since the light reflected off his glass constricting your views from his eyes, “I see,” he startled you from your daze. Although, his voice was very tranquil and nice to hear.

“This is the second-year building. It seems like you haven’t gotten used to halls yet?” He looks around, well this is your first day, “Is this your first day?” A small breathy gasp came from you, shocked at his possible mind-reading abilities. You nodded despite him possibly knowing the question, “What class are you in? 1-A?” Your eyes shined as you bobbed your head vigorously.

You thought he was your savior until he gave your directions that you could not follow, “..then to your right should be your class. Well then, goodluck,” he turned around, you let out a sharp gasp reaching a hand out for, feeling tears prick the corners of your eyes.

Kyoya felt a small tug on the hem of his shirt, turning his head to see your big eyes filled with tears as you sniffled. He let out a low breathy ‘heh’, pushing up his classes he turned his body towards you, “Very well then, I guess I can guide you towards your classroom,” yours eyes shinned, he went pass you, “Come on or else we’ll both be late,” you trailed after him like a lost puppy.

Walking side by side, you looked at him in the corner of your eye, he acted very mature maybe he’s a second or third year? Or maybe it’s the glasses that made him mature.

You better get his name before you start calling your possible Senpai, four-eyes in your head. You smacked your lips together, your chest raises from the breath you took before deflating.

.

.

“…w-”

“My name’s Kyoya Otori, I’m a second year,” he gave you a dazzling smile.

“!!” You jumped that he answered before you could question him. Although, that smile doesn’t reach Kyoya’s eyes, you pursed your lips.

Passing by a couple of girls, you heard them whisper under their breath:

“Is that Kyoya-senpai! He’s so handsome and cool!”

“Right! He’s soooo charming!”

The girls giggled:

“Who’s that next to him?”

“I never seen her before,”

“Ooo, I wish I was walking next to him, I’m so jealous!”

You sweat dropped, if those girl rather be the lost ones with a creepy mind reading Senpai and go right ahead.

It was quiet for the rest of the way towards your class while you looked down. You hope he didn’t feel force taking you to your class? Did he only have to cause he’s your Senpai?! What if he was busy before you started bothering him!! Now he won’t have time! Cause you interrupted him!

“We’re here,” you looked up, Kyoya was staring right ahead towards the doors that had “1-A” hanging off the top of the doorframe, your anxiety has gone down seeing your homeroom doors open.

Kyoya looked over to see you bowing repeatedly, a thank you and sorry.

“Oh it was no problem at all, I learned a lot of interesting things about you,” he gave you another smile that you didn’t believe.

You titled your head, you two didn’t converse at all that allowed him to learn much about you. So what did he mean by interesting? You had a feeling that he wasn’t going to spill

“Kyoya-senpai?” Someone approached you two, you looked over only to be pulled in. It was as if the captivating power of those brown eyes from before had the ability to see into the depths of your soul, leaving you vulnerable and unable to look away. Like liquid gold and rich cocoa, the eyes radiated a warmth that was both comforting and enticing.

You had to blink to stop the spellbound placed over you, “Oh, Haruhi, I just came here to drop someone off, I won’t be here for long,” he gestured over to you, “The new girl got herself lost it seems,”

“Wow, Kyoya-senpai you’re actually willing to help someone with out wanting a favor to return,”

“Oh, I just haven’t decided what I wanted to ask for return. Don’t over-estimate me.”

A deflated sigh, “Oh of course,” they sounded defeated.

“Well, I’ll be on my way then,” Just as Kyoya was walking off, he paused turning his chin over his shoulder, “It was nice meeting you, see you later,” a sly smirked that reached his eyes which were drilling holes into you. You didn’t have enough time to comprehend that look and he was already waving his hand while walking away. As you stood there, trying to decipher the enigmatic expression on his face, you couldn't shake the feeling that there was a hidden message behind his farewell. It was a moment that would stay with you, haunting your thoughts and sparking curiosity about the mysterious Kyoya and the secrets he may be hiding.

‘…see you later,’

You hoped you don’t run into him again.

Side eyeing the person, their brown eyes match their short hair. “That couldn’t feel anymore dubious,” the person next to you sweat-dropped. They released a sigh, straightening their shoulder that were slumped, “I hope he didn’t say anything that would make feel bad,” they gave you a worried look which you missed as you were busy staring at your shoes before you could stare into their eyes again. You shook your head, “You’re name was (L/N)-san, right?”.

.

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You nodded.

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“Mine’s Haruhi Fujioka, I saw that the twins were talking to you earlier. I was afraid that they said something bad cause you ran out,”

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You twiddle your thumbs together, shifting your feet.

“…they didn’t say anything bad did they? I tried get them confess but they kept pleading not guilty.” Haruhi said dead-tone, sounding like they’ve been more than involved with the bothers shenanigans. (Which is couldn’t be said more)

The only bad thing they did was hurting your pride. Other than that they have yet done anything more, yet. You shook you head nimbly, crossing their arms Haruhi let out a relieved sigh, “That’s good, don’t be afraid to put your foot down when it comes to them, or let me know if they bother you too much. It may be just those two, but it’s more than anyone could handle, even for me.”

That’s awful kind of Haruhi, you guess that Haruhi is the nanny for those two or at least tries to get them under control enough that they don’t set something on fire.

You nodded once again, still facing down at your shoes.

Haruhi rubbed their head, feeling a mix of curiosity and concern, maybe the twins did say something and you were afraid that someone will find out and snitch on you. It made Haruhi wonder if there was more to your silence during the introduction on the chalkboard than just shyness.

Or…maybe you were really just that shy, Haruhi met multiple girls that were shy customers and it took a bit to for them to break out of their shells. Understanding that everyone had their own pace when it came to opening up, and they respected that.

.

.

.

“I’ll see you inside, it was nice meeting you (L/N)-san,” Haruhi moved their feet.

Wha! Wait! You wanted to-! Ugh!

Take a deep breath, inhaling and exhaling to find your center.

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“Y..”

The footsteps stopped, you didn’t know why, but your felt like you had to thank Haruhi for some reason. Putting your hand over your chest, you felt you heart beating at a fast pace.

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“Y..You..”

Haruhi blinked, ‘Me?’

They turned their body fully towards you, giving you their full attention.

.

.

.

.

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“…You…You…”

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“Ah..s…”

‘Ah?’ Haruhi titled their head, trying make sense of your stuttering words.

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Grabbing a fist full of your dress, feeling your hands started clam, your eyes traveled up but only stopped at the center of Haruhi’s tie.

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“Yu-yu-yu-yu-yu-yu-yu-yu-yu,”

Haruhi was taken back, and you could feel the heat radiating from your face as you were embarrassed by your unsuccessful attempt to express yourself. Overwhelmed with shame, you hid your face in your face and hurriedly made your way past Haruhi, running towards your seat in the corner of the classroom.

Unable to articulate your thoughts, you covered your mouth while a sense of frustration and disappointment weighed heavily on your chest.

The frustration of not being able to articulate your thoughts gnawed at you, like a constant reminder of your own limitations.

Something that you wanted share with Haruhi but the words seemed to elude you, slipping through your fingers like sand.

It was as if your mind and mouth were engaged in a battle, with your thoughts racing ahead while your tongue stumbled and tripped over itself.

Small tears contained the disappointment and shame that threatened to spill out. You wished you could disappear, to fade into the background and become invisible. But the weight of your own self-doubt kept you rooted in your seat, unable to escape the suffocating atmosphere of your own thoughts.

The bell for class rang, a small relief knowing that no one will approach for the remainder of the day.

Trying to regain your composure, you glanced out the window, watching the elegant white doves soaring effortlessly through the sky. As the sense of frustration and disappointment remained, a heavy burden settled on your chest. It was a burden of your own perceived weakness, a constant reminder that once again, you had failed to express yourself in the way you had hoped.

❀ ✿ ❀ ✿ ❀ ✿ ❀ ✿ ❀ ✿ ❀ ✿ ❀ ✿ ❀ ✿ ❀ ✿ ❀ ✿ ❀ ✿ ❀

[procyonloser]

Serial killer au pt 6 (warnings so many warnings, I'm putting up read more early. This dove is dead)

Before he was Lucifer, he was Sam. Sam had been born into a large family, his parents were closer related than most knew, loveless in their relationship, but the idea of divorce was tantamount to murder. They were well off, but insular, devout, but they spoke little of their faith, only their hate. There was no music, no art, no singing, no dancing, only silence. His parents both believed in not sparing the rod from the child, making sure all of the children stayed in line. They were beaten, starved, and treated as labor.

Sam had younger siblings that didn't make it to see double digits, and he remembered the wedding of his 14 year old sister to a man in the church was a solemn and quiet affair. She didn't survive long either. His parents spoke of her death as preferable to what happened to one of his siblings, who'd fallen to drink and earthly desires. One of his younger sisters grew pregnant, and no one said a thing about it, apart from the fury he would see on his mother's face. He never knew what happened to the infant, or who the father was, but he had his suspicions.

Sam began to realize he wanted to get away from them, the town, the state, what he knew. He wanted more than this, more than people contemplating his grave silently, so glad he'd done so little with his existence.

Sam left, left them all behind. He decided to go into medicine, because the human body always fascinated him. There were times when he watched porn, that he was more focused on how the body moved, reacted, how it functioned. It'd been fascinating to him, when he started studying cadavers in school, it was his first taste of true artistry. It was the first time he felt truly inspired, to physically and literally peel back the layers of what made people tick. The realization he could make them take whatever form he wished for.

His teacher was the first time notice that he was maybe more intrigued by the bodies than other students in the class.

"Perfect, you're doing very well." Lucifer said softly, running his hand through Adam's hair. It was soft, with gentle waves. Without gel in it, like the night he'd first met Adam, the hair fell down into his eyes and gave Adam a far more gentle imagery than he would have thought.

Sam had never gotten praise, so Lucifer knew he had to be the one to encourage Adam.

Adam breathed out onto his face mask, looking down at the body in deep concentration as he used a needle and fishing line to sew pieces of the musculature together. Lucifer had asked him what art Adam wanted to create, if he was to be helping him. He knew Adam had seen him initially as just a killer, he'd not understand Lucifer's purpose. He understood, of course, he had been about to kill Adam - a man he'd initially seen as a nuisance, a loud pock mark on society that could have served a better uses dead than alive.

Lucifer was glad he'd been wrong about Adam now, he'd never had anyone he could talk to before. Not like this.

Adam let out a shaky breath as he finished up stitching that piece, before looking up at Lucifer with a crooked smile. He needed Lucifer's praise as much as Lucifer enjoyed giving it to him, feeding him.

"Does it look okay?" Adam asked, and Lucifer kissed him.

"Art is individual, it's personal, and it's never perfect, except that imperfection makes it perfect. You're learning, and I can tell you and I will do great things." Lucifer said, and Adam leaned into the kiss, deepening it. He knew that at first Adam had been having sex with him with the idea it would buy him freedom, or the chance at it; but now, there was honest affection in it.

Of course, Lucifer was still not intending to let him move about freely yet. Maybe ever. There was no need to, he'd take care of Adam himself. He was cuter like this anyway, reliant on him.

Lucifer's phone rang, and he made a face, breaking away from Adam to go take the call.

"Sam?" Lilith's voice came over the speaker. "Charlie wants to see you, honey, will you be home late again tonight?"

"I'll be home to put her to bed and read her a story," Lucifer smiled to himself, leaning against the wall in the hallway. "I have to be at work early tomorrow though, you know how busy it's been."

"I know," Lilith said, sounding a bit put out by his response. "I just miss seeing you."

"I miss you too," Lucifer said without missing a beat. He did, to some degree. He missed Charlie more, he did honestly love his daughter, he hoped she'd eventually see his art the way he did. "But, such is the life of a coroner when there's a serial killer on the loose."

[trans-luis-serra-navarro]

okay i'm asking this because you're the friendliest ever, but I wanted to ask: what do you think the scene was like between Leon and Luis when Leon got off the elevator (after almost collapsing/passing out/whatever the hell was going on with him and Las Plagas) and from the point in which Leon was sitting there at the start of the next chapter squeezing is hand and saying he felt better???? Because it must have been a little while (both because of the seemingly time cut between chapters, but also later when Leon gives Ashley the suppressant and he clearly settles down to wait which implies it took Leon a while to respond and he is anticipating the same thing with Ashley) and surely they talked? Luis I'm-not-that-kind-of-doctor-but-wow-you-look-bad Serra and Leon I'll-rest-when-I'm-dead Kennedy must have talked, right???? I just wanna talk about themmmmmmmmm

Okokok I left this ask unanswered for SO LONG cuz the SECOND I started reading it I just KNEW I was gonna be lead down a rabbit hole that I wanted to do justice because like,,,, what WOULD they have talked about?!?!

Edit: this got a L O T longer than I intended I’m so sorry HDNEHENDJ so everything’s gonna be under the cut!!!! Give me the opportunity and I’ll talk about Luis for hours (also obligatory This Is All My Personal Opinion/Reading You Don’t Have To Agree If You Dont Wanna please don’t kill me HCHDNEDJ)

Like you said there seems to be a fair bit of time inbetween chapter breaks we just don’t see for the sake of pacing that REALLY fascinates me, ESPECIALLY because we’re at a pretty interesting point in Leon (and subsequently the player) and Luis’ relationship. It’s right after Luis has fluked us twice on call, and it’s right before the massive mine section you fight together in- it’s a pretty pivotal point in their relationship where Luis needs to up his game and prove to Leon that he CAN trust him. Yet he’s still gotta maintain some sort of mysterious and/or suave persona that I think throws a lot of people off when talking about how his and Leon’s relationship develop

Now of course this is all just MYYYYYY personal opinion/reading of his character cuz I am very very very invested in it BCNENEJD and you’re free to disagree!!! But I think that scene is a pretty perfect example of just how DESPERATE Luis is for companionship and trust. I think a lot of people are of the assumption that Luis only started ‘changing for the better’ AFTER he met Ashley and Leon- which personally I don’t think is the case!! We meet Luis after he’s clearly hit a moral rock-bottom. He’s been trapped under Los Illuminados’ reign for however long for whatever reason and has been COMPLETELY isolated from any human contact aside from his own coworkers for at the VERY LEAST five years. And in those five years, he’s watched the people who were most likely once individuals he grew up with become infected and loose all sense of humanity. RIGHT AFTER he escaped Umbrella too, most likely cuz he found out that all the hard work he poured into that company was being used for malicious reasons. One horrible thing on top of the other.

His life is a cycle of trying and failing over and over again- he watches his Grandfather pass away from something entirely out of his control as a young boy, and takes that trauma and grief and pours it into his research with Umbrella possibly in the hopes of preventing something like that to ever happen again- only for that to backfire. Whether it’s because he had no idea or because he purposefully let that anger consume him and let apathy fester and grow to the point where he just didn’t care, either way, he’s lost everything he loved once again. And when he returns to the only place he knows he can find solace in companionship, his childhood home, it all comes crumbling down on him too. Every attempt he’s made at righting his last wrongs, proving himself to the people he loves- it fails every single time. Obviously we don’t know WHY exactly Luis joined Los Illuminados, but if you were asking ME PERSONALLY based off of the beginning of Seperate Ways I think he didn’t have a choice but I DIGRESS!!!! Luis is at a point where he’s hit a rock-bottom he’s unsure he can come back from. Every attempt at doing good has been squashed, and no matter how hard he tries, the cycle just keeps on repeating. He’s desperate not just to escape Valdelobos, but to prove to SOMEBODY, ANYBODY, that he CAN do good. That he CAN right his wrongs. And I think the first place we physically SEE that need and desperation is in his relationship with Ada during Seperate Ways

(But I’m gonna save that for another post cuz this one’s already getting too long and rambly BCNEJSNJX but the tl;dr is that Ada and Luis are two sides of the same coin. Ada is in a similar situation as Luis where her hands are tied and she has no other option BUT to do what she’s told, despite not wanting to, and I think Luis can tell that. He trusts her and puts so much faith in her cuz he KNOWS that when the time comes, she’ll do the right thing)

But getting back on track- at the point where we first meet Luis he’s hit a rock-bottom. All attempts to help people, to prove that he can do good things- ie joining Umbrella under the guise of medical research, creating the Plagas removal machine etc- have been squashed. Every. Single. Time. He’s living a cycle of trying to do good, trying to live up to the people he’s lost and is desperate to prove that to ANYONE. The guilt of his actions is consuming and in my humble opinion it’s genuinely so admirable that he STILL KEPT GOING despite it all!!!! but anyways!!!!!!! When Leon and Ashley roll into his life, two people who are completely innocent in everything happening around him, it’s the perfect chance for Luis to genuinely help somebody and prove that he can do good. They don’t know about his past! They don’t know about all the blood on his hands!!! He can FINALLY prove to somebody that he’s a good person!!!! They’re probably some of the first people he’s been able to have a proper conversation with aside from Ada in YEARS- he’s been beaten to the ground so many times that he’s willing to do ANYTHING to gain not just their trust, but their friendship and appreciation too.

I think a pretty subtly overlooked fact about Luis is that deep down, no matter how much bad he does, no matter how much he throws himself into his work, he craves companionship and human company. He keeps the photo of the Umbrella Dream Team and his lighter with him, the first place he runs to when things turn south is his childhood home- no matter how badly he tries to resist it, he craves human contact and a sense of familiarity over anything. He wants friends, people who see him as more than just his mistakes, as more than all the wrong he’s caused- he wants people to see him for who he is in the now, in the moment. Even when he feels as though he doesn’t deserve forgiveness or friendship. And yet Leon and Ashley and Ada give that to him before they even know his full story, before they even know what his motives are and why he cares so much. The last time Ashley met him, she put her faith in his work- the last time Ada saw him before his death, she equally put her faith into his work, too. And he gives that faith back tenfold, which I think is what makes his friendship with them all so compelling among other things.

But then there’s Leon. Leon, who by all means from Luis’ point of view, is the complete opposite of him. No matter how much life throws his way, no matter how much danger he’s in- Leon is seemingly incapable of doing the wrong thing. He’s EFFORTLESSLY a hero, his actions never backfire on him… something Luis craves so, so badly. He’s everything Luis wishes he could be, even when he has to uphold that uncaring suave persona, which going back to the original point of this ask (this got extremely rambly very quickly im so sorry GDNEHENCUDN) I think that cutscene where Luis gives Leon the medicine is where we can see that trust between characters fully cementing. Leon already KNOWS Luis worked with Umbrella, and I think at that point he’s already hazarded a guess at his involvement with Los Illuminados- by all means, he’s got zero reason to trust Luis. Yet he still does. He’s the person Luis has been craving for so long; somebody who can see straight past all his flaws and his past self and see Luis for LUIS (And once again, that blind trust is S O COMPELLING in my humble opinion) But obviously, Luis doesn’t know this at this point. He’s still trying to hesitantly form a friendship with Leon and prove to him that he’s a decent person whose deserving of love, even when he doesn’t feel that way about himself, and I think that’s probably what their conversation inbetween cutscenes would’ve been about.

Like you said, I think Luis probably would’ve been pretty concerned to say the least about the state Leon’s in HXNSHENDI we can see that he prioritises the safety of his friends (ie refusing to leave when Ada was showing symptoms, dropping his persona to comfort Ashley when she started coughing etc etc) so there definitely would’ve been some level of, ‘oh my god you dunce how tf did you get so bad here lemme did you up’, but also,,, I think Luis probably would’ve tried to make conversation with Leon. About literally anything- his love for Don Quixote, what he was getting up to while sexily waiting for Leon to get off the elevator etc etc- anything to strengthen that fragile yet ever growing bond between them. Again, just looking for companionship and somebody to see past the skeletons in his closet. And I’m SURE Leon probably would’ve done the most Leon thing ever and just respond with a bunch of ‘yeah’s or ‘ok’s WHENDHDNJXJX but whatever it was they talked about, if they talked at all, it clearly strengthened their bond. Or at the very least, if they didn’t say anything to each other, the pretty intimate act of administering medicine to another person probably would’ve been enough to more or less solidify Leon’s growing trust. I think also it would’ve given Luis an insight into how Leon works- ESPECIALLY with the way Leon’s insistent on prioritising Ashley immediately after. Then of course right after that cutscene is the first time we see Luis’ love for Don Quixote be said OUT LOUD but again I’ll save that for another post BCNSHENDJXNXN

Again I really really really really hope you don’t mind how LONG this turned out to be!!!!!!! I just LOVE talking about Luis’ character and his effect on the story and motivations etc and I love to ramble BCNEHENDJDJ there’s SO MANY OTHER fade to black cutscenes with Luis I’d love to dig my teeth into (cough cough THE HAND HOLD) so!!!!!!! Maybe someday soon idk!!!!!!!!!

[chevelleneech]

If Buddie happens, Buck being Eddie’s first and last is the only real outcome.

This is long, but if you read it, hopefully it makes sense.

Was reading a fic that made me think about the angst sure to come from Buck not wanting to date Eddie right away, because he’ll be afraid of what Tommy said, regarding someone’s first queer partner typically not being their last.

That has to come back around and mess with Buck, otherwise it was a cheap way to break them up given all the other reasons that would have made more sense. As such, if Buddie is the plan, that has to be part of the initial conflict keeping them apart.

However, I would also hope the story between them is resolved in a way that doesn’t paint Buck and Eddie’s individual queer discoveries with the same sort of brush strokes. Thus far, Buck kissed and man and was like, “Yeah, that makes sense. I’m a boy, girl, and everybody in between kisser.” Whereas Eddie is seemingly going to go through an experience where he either rediscovers his sexuality once he starts letting himself remember what it’s like to not be repressed, or he’ll be hit in the face with it and realize why he’s been so unhappy for so long. Either one is good.

What I’m looking for in terms of them getting together, if it happens, is Eddie getting to decide if Buck is his first and/or last. Because we know Buck will not want to ruin their friendship and be caught up in letting Eddie be happy and explore this new side of himself even though Buck never got to explore. (Unless they finally let him in 8x07 and 8x08). But, I’m getting g long winded. What I’m trying to say is, I would like to see Eddie decide exploration isn’t what he wants, instead of having it sort of pushed on him due to Buck’s insecurities.

I’d like to see Eddie understand his new sexuality, discuss it with Hen or Bobby or whomever he trusts, I’d even like to see him talk to someone in his family and ask them if they knew or had any inclination at all, because we didn’t get that with Buck. They kind of just took what we as a fandom theorized and made it canon. “Buck is bi and it’s been obvious to everyone.” So Hen jokes about it and no one is even slightly curious as to when he made this discovery of self, except Maddie because… because. She joked about him liking men, but sure, she’s the one who didn’t except it.

Anyway, point is, I’d like to see Eddie be proactive about it. Try to figure out if he was the only one who didn’t know that he liked men. And I would like to see that lead to him deciding he doesn’t need a first queer experience partner to guide him, because Eddie has been through serious relationship before, and also grew up much faster than Buck had to in that regard.

Eddie had to become a father and a husband (at least emotionally, because he wasn’t exactly present as either for very long early on) at 18 years old. So he knows what it’s like to settle down and move in and work to pay bills and compromise (sort of) with someone and see their flaws and all that. He super sped through that part of adulthood before he was old enough to really understand it. Then he experienced the death of his wife, and the fallout that took years. He also got into two serious relationships after Shannon, one of which led him to a panic attack and breakup at the thought of marriage, while the other almost saw him moving in with a woman, only for him to panic again and do a thing that cost him his son’s trust.

So Eddie has only ever had pretty serious relationships throughout his adulthood, while Buck has only really had one. Two if we count Abby, because she was a huge stepping stone to him growing up and changing himself for the better, but to me, their relationship was also not a relationship. He and Abby were on two completely different wavelengths, in the sense that Abby was seeking comfort and companionship as her mother died, while Buck was trying to prove he could be a one-woman man. So it was serious in the sense that it helped them both find new paths, but it wasn’t leading anywhere, making it an extended fling essentially.

Ally could sort of be a serious relationship, but I personally tend to forget Buck dated her because she was brought in to replace Abby, and that’s it. They wanted the heartthrob of the show to be dating someone, so they gave him a random girlfriend who they sent packing as soon as they cast someone who could stick around for a while, leading us to Taylor. Buck’s actual first serious girlfriend, who was also his longest relationship to date. They went through many ups and downs and learned things from each other, and helped Buck move into a more mature place as an adult. A place where Eddie already exists.

Where Tommy is concerned, he helped Buck through the discovery of his sexuality, but they had nothing in common and weren’t really compatible. So while I do standby my dislike of how their breakup was written, because there was no potential heartbreak to be had since they barely liked each other beyond physical and Buck wanting to make a new thing work… Tommy wasn’t wrong, I guess. There was nothing between them to keep them together long term, because they’d made it six months and were basically still strangers. Meaning Buck was going to settle in and realize he hadn’t explored and researched and did all the things that make Buck, Buck as he figured himself out. Therefore, them breaking up had to happen.

With Buddie, if they go there and Eddie is Buck’s second queer relationship, it’ll work because they have an established relationship already. He knows who Eddie is to him emotionally. He knows Eddie’s likes and dislikes, and they connect. They even work well in raising a child together. On the other hand, if Buck is Eddie’s first queer relationship, it’ll work because Eddie (at least in my mind) isn’t looking for a man to show him the ropes. He’s experienced all the relationship ups and downs he could ever need, and is likely looking for ease. Something and someone that makes sense and clicks, and doesn’t give him any anxiety or bring with them any uncertainty.

This was a really long round about way of saying: Buck dated Tommy because he is constantly afraid of being left alone with his thoughts. He needs people to see the good in him and stay with him to believe he’s loved/liked. Whereas Eddie is able to sit with his thoughts, because he doesn’t like letting people in. He needs people to see him from an outside perspective to believe he’s okay and isn’t burdening anyone. If they date, Buck will finally have found a partner who stuck around for years, simply because he likes Buck as a person. He is genuinely interested in who Buck is. While at the same time, Eddie will have finally found someone who doesn’t allow him to bury himself beneath his own lies. Someone willing to do the work to pull him out of his own head.

So Buck’s One has to be someone who has always been there, and whom he knows won’t leave because they had more than enough opportunity to do so, yet haven’t. Whereas Eddie’s One has to be someone who sort of forcibly stays, despite all the chances he gives them to leave. He doesn’t need a first boyfriend to breeze in and out, because that will send him spiraling into believing his sexuality is an issue. Buck won’t spiral for that reason, because he kind of doesn’t give a fuck what his sexuality is. He wants to be loved, while Eddie wants to be accepted, and they offer that to each other.

[vibratingskull]

I as so excited you open your request.

Can I ask a ThurfianxF!reader based on your Thrawn mate story? I would love if reader was sent to the Chiss Ascendancy by Thrawn (like he knew reader would match with Thurfian by her smell or something)

This will challenge our xenophobic boy, and I'm sure the fact that out of all he gets to meet his "mate" thank to Thrawn, will piss him off more than the fact that the reader is human.

g:xkf;glghogfuhfd THURFIAN MY BELOVED ❤️❤️ My old man ❤️❤️❤️ He would have a heart attack in all honesty 🤣

Beautiful drawing by the talented @thrawns-backrest

Tags : Thurfian is an ass, xenophobia, mate system and culture, attempted assault, Thurfian saves the day (Go King!)

Thurfian lays his head on his hand, scrolling on his comm. He likes to get an idea of the current climate through comms during his rare break times throughout the day to compare the info he receives on his official feed on his computer. It helps him get new points of view and perspectives. 

That also means going through an impressive amount of tabloids. He really should look into how to block these sites on his comm, they are a nuisance and a disgrace to true journalism. He is scrolling through one of them rapidly when the title of an article stops him. 

“Truly cut for the role? Why the Mitth Patriarch’s lack of mate highlights a worrying trend.” 

He remains fixated on that one for a solid minute, completely flabbergasted. His first instinct is to call his lawyer to have that tabloid closed for the affront, but it passes quickly. Instead, he puts his comm down sighing, feeling tiredness washing over him. He passes a hand through his long braided hair, laying his head back against his chair. 

The most painful thing is that that rag is true. All Patriarchs of every family recorded in history with a big H had a mate, no exception ever. Some found them sooner or later in life but none reached his age without a partner sitting with them on the throne. He is quite the exception. 

The shameful exception. 

He feels Thivick disapproving gaze on him during diplomatic dinners with other Patriarch and their mates, the seat next to Thurfian being desperately empty. 

His hand comes to loosen his collar to allow him to breathe better. He closes his eyes, feeling defeated.  

It was not always like that in his life.  

He used to collect lovers back in his youth, potential mates or not, none were safe from his charm. A large collection of Chiss visited his bed when he was a young adult. He shamefully admits that he played potential mates to get access to their intimacy before leaving them when they were no longer fun. Non-potential mates were less difficult, they both knew what they were here for. And then he started his career as a syndic and left dating and playing around in the past to dedicate himself to his career. He, naively he will admit, thought he would meet a new potential mate at work, getting to know each other day by day, falling in love over time, and deciding to mate and unify himself with her, finishing his life at her side. Something simple and uncomplicated. 

Boring to some, sufficient for him. 

But all the women he met were taken, non-compatible, or rejected him. Mates tend to get together young when they can, way younger than he was already back then. He made peace with his situation, choosing to focus on his career and what he could do for the Mitth, becoming a “mateless”, one of those people who failed at settling down with a compatible person in time. Not the most glorious, but he could do with it. 

And all was well. 

Until he became a Patriarch. 

And his situation was brutally rubbed into his face again. 

A Patriarch without a Mate is a failure.  

No matter their results.  

Having a mate is the first step toward respectability in Chiss society, and a Patriarch failing at that task is the subject of gossip and mockery and always on the verge of being overthrown in favor of a more stable individual. It is such an easy insult to throw at him. And he fully deserves it. If he didn’t play so much with potential mates in the past he wouldn’t have his sulfurous reputation of player and heart stabber. Not so many potential mates would have rejected him since then.  

He recalls how he used to modify his smell with perfume, something highly prohibited in Chiss society. Misguiding the potential mate of someone else by modifying one’s scent markers is highly illegal. 

But he was young, hot-headed, and an idiot. 

And today he pays the price of his entire life choices. He grew and matured decades ago but the harm had been done. 

Sometimes he envies mateless species. Simply living and falling in love or living free of the marital and mating duties... Sounds comforting and liberating. 

When was the last time he felt the presence of a potential mate? 

Several years, easily. 

More than ten years since he last smelled that delicious scent of honey,  liquor, and tea leaves on someone. The one scent signaling him that this person is compatible with him. The same as his. 

He greets his teeth. 

“The Mateless”  

His unofficial title when his back is turned.  

His shame, his dishonor. The stain in his life. 

But what can he do now? He is fated to finish his life alone, the question is more about how he will meet his end. Back in time, non-mated Patriarchs could get executed for failing their family, for being too unstable, and for not providing an heir to the family. 

It was millennia and millennia ago, of course. Chiss evolved past those barbaric laws, but the prejudice remained, remembering Thurfian that ages ago his life choices would have guided him to the pillory. 

Thurfian suddenly freezes and opens his eyes wide, almost trembling in shock. 

That smell... 

No. 

It’s impossible. He must hallucinate, that’s the most logical explanation. 

Thurfian suppresses a laugh at his own idiocy. Of course, it is impossible. Crossing paths with a potential partner at his age is simply improbable. He shakes his head with a light chuckle, what a stupid thought just crossed his mind! 

He turns back to his files, waiting for the hallucination to settle. 

But five minutes later, the scent he stopped hoping for is still here. Well present.  

Heady. 

Overporwering. 

Making his head turn and his heart pumps harder. He almost starts feeling vertigo.  

He gulps, passing his hand through his long hair. 

He needs to calm down and be rational. 

This is impossible. 

But the delicious scent of tea leaves titillates his nostrils, like a dare, like a temptation. 

He needs to be sure! 

He almost jumps on his feet, before remembering who he is and calmly exiting his office. He is the Patriarch and a Mitth for the Warrior’s sake! He slowly, almost lazily walks in the corridors of the Manor.nHe really needs to keep his expectations low. They surely already know about his scandalous reputation. But maybe... 

Just maybe... 

They could come from a far enough away world to have never heard about it! 

Highly unlikely! 

But he cannot help but hope. 

The further he walks into the Manor, the more significant the smell of tea leaves gets, the notes of honey and liquor mixing deliciously, enhancing that superior scent. Thurfian chides himself. By all accounts that mysterious person will already be taken and mated to someone else. But nothing prevents him from coming to meet and befriending them. 

Yes.  

A friend is also appreciable, he has so little left since he accessed the throne. He nods to himself. A friend would be perfect.  

His comm rings, prompting him to stop to check it.  

It is a Syndic of the family signaling that a stranger with the highest priority code message wishes to meet Thurfian, waiting for him in the Manor’s salon. The message is short and leaves no guessing about the urgency of the demand.  

But not even a family name? Thurfian frowns, dubious. 

And the salon is exactly where the delicious scent is leading him right now.  

When he reaches the large and heavy old-style wooden doors of the salon the delectable smell invades his lungs and nose, he can breathe it in at each inhalation. That’s definitely them! 

He opens the door to meet the Syndic who sent him the text. 

“Patriarch?” They ask surprised, “What are you-” 

“I am here to meet them.” He cuts them short, walking past them. 

“Ah! Patriarch! Wait! Plea-” 

Thurfian keeps going and passes the arches with palpitations. 

He turns his head and...! 

Stops dead in his tracks as the stranger turns their head to his arrival. 

An alien! 

A... Human!  

-------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

“I need your help for a delicate mission, Commander.” Grand Admiral Thrawn said to you, skirting his desk to sit. 

“Of course, Grand Admiral.” You stend to attention, “What can I do to serve you?” 

Thrawn smiled tightly. Always energetic and willing to serve, obeying every one of his orders and missions with brio and excellence. You were one of his most trusted officers with Karyn Faro. Nothing he could ask you would throw you off your rhythm or deter you. 

You crossed paths pretty early in your respective careers. You were one of the first to recognize Thrawn genius and merit in warfare and followed him ever since, asking the chain of command to affect you with him on every ship he received the commandment of. 

Your loyalty towards the Empire slowly melted into loyalty towards the Chiss. He never said anything, that he, himself, could fail and precipitate your end. That he could become your very death if your true colors were revealed.  

But you were just so good at your job! He trusted you with his life and he worked to keep you both out of the blast radius. He needed your competencies and skills at his side. 

But... 

Maybe the Ascendancy needed you more. 

He remembers. 

The man, looking straight at him with cold detachment during his trial before disappearing in silence. 

His Patriarch. 

Single and alone. 

Unstable, they would say. 

How could he command the Mitth family in those conditions? 

Thrawn somehow sympathises. He knew he could only rise so high in Chiss ranks as a mateless, that at some point his genius would stop carrying him and his mateless character would stop any further ascension.  

They needed someone with something to lose in command.  

Not an unstable like him. 

And as freeing as it was for him to come into a system where mates were not the norm, he also realized long ago that he couldn’t change his home in any meaningful manner. That the mate order was here to stay.  

But maybe he was also not the only one suffering in this system. Now that he has risen to the top he understands the pure loneliness and isolation that come with power, but if it is here to stay for him, he can maybe still lend a hand to that man. 

It is not uninterested, far from that. It is purely strategic. Chiss politicians seemed to care a lot about the mating order, to the point that mateless individuals could get fired at any given moment in favor of a mated. And Thrawn remembers his History books, the fate reserved to mateless Patriarchs. 

To those men and women who failed to conform to Chiss values and therefore weakened their families. And although he has no real good grasp of politics, he has no difficulties imagining that a weakened family of the nine could greatly destabilize the current system and the Chiss Ascendancy as a whole. 

So if he sends you, his little miracle back home, maybe he could help stabilize the powers in place. That was risky, but beating the odds is his trademark after all. 

 Admiral Ar’alani discussed it with him lately, confirming that the Patriarch that sent him away was still in place, still mateless, still unstable, and therefore dangerous to the Ascendancy. 

Thrawn could very well wait for him to fall and get replaced, but Ar’alani told him that he remained a very powerful blood Mitth. A powerful blood Mitth that would owe him a very, very huge debt if his plan worked. And he knows he will need all the allies possible when he gets back from exile to the Ascendancy. 

So maybe 

Just maybe 

If he sends you to that man... 

You may just be his ticket to more power and freedom to protect his people.  

Honestly, he didn’t believe it at first when he met you. How could you, an individual from a mateless species, be compatible with a Chiss?  

But his smell didn’t misguide him. Your scent and pheromones are highly specific and match his Patriarch’s profile. 

By all means it was a crazy plan, but he already agreed with Ar’alani that she would take you on the Steadfast and guide you into the Ascendancy. As an Admiral without ties to any family, she will be able to give you access to the Mitth Manor by playing her cards right and he will give you his message, his “peace treaty” as Ar’alani called it. 

That’s very much not his style and usual strategies but how could he survive in the long run if his tactics don’t evolve with the times? 

“At ease, Commander. It is a very peculiar mission, that will need fineness, dexterity, and tact, but I trust you. I know you will rise to the challenge!” 

“For you, I will!” You assured him. 

‘For you’ 

If you were any of his other officers he would have chastised and corrected you in an exemplary manner! You were here to serve the Empire and not just a single Grand Admiral.  

But your relationship evolved past that point long ago and he came to appreciate your devotion to his person. 

And right now he hopes this devotion is as deep as he imagined it for you to accept this mission. Because this is not just a diplomatic mission. It is a life-changing mission. 

Mating with someone isn’t a laughing matter to the Chiss and he knows full well you will go without knowing your true purpose. 

He cannot reveal it to you.  

You would say no. 

Understandably. 

And he does feel guilty to trap you in such a way, but he knows his time is limited in the Empire and he must prepare his return to the Ascendancy. And a willing Mitth Patriarch could ease a lot of difficult situations. 

 He remembers his discussion with Ar’alani a decade ago, about how he saw people as tools. He needs to see you that way to send you there, no matter the friendship that came to form between you two. He eases his guilt thinking this is not such a horrible fate for you, to become the Mitth Patriarch mate is to live free of worries and wants, in a comfortable home with sophisticated and cultured persons. 

You will have it easy. 

At least money-wise...  

Ar’alani warned him of Commander Eli Vanto’s tepid welcome among his people and chances are you’ll get the same. He knows you can take it, he is more worried about the Patriarch’s behavior. 

Will he ever accept a human as a mate? Will the Chiss accept a human as a Patriarch mate? 

Your status as a diplomatic agent will protect you but as soon as you will set foot in the Manor, the Patriarch will understand and his reaction is unplannable. 

But those who don’t try and take action get nothing! 

“I need you for a diplomatic mission. A very, very long diplomatic mission...” 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

"State to me again. Why are you here?" The Chiss asks you. 

You straighten your back and readjust your position on your chair. What doesn’t he understand ? 

“I am here on behalf of one of your good friends. I bring you a message and an offering of peace and appeasement, he also asked for me to offer my service to you.” You repeat, controlling your tone to not sound condescending. 

It is simple really. 

The chiss, the ‘Patriarch’ looks at you intently, his hands clasped before his lower face, his burning red eyes fixing you like he was trying to disintegrate you. What’s annoying you is his manner of bringing a perfumed handkerchief to his nose every five minutes, like he was keeping a gag at bay. You took a shower and dressed in a freshly washed uniform, why does he act like you reek? 

Does Chiss have more sensitive olfactive receptors? Does humans smell is that unnerving to other species? Thrawn never specified any such info to you. 

“Because you think he is one of my… ‘Good friend’?” The Patriarch asks with a sneer. 

“He is your fellow Chiss, and a Grand Admiral of a close power nation with sensitive information about the immediate survival of your Ascendancy. He considers it sufficient to demand you listen to his propositions." 

The Chiss eyes fall back on their equivalent of a datapad, reading again what Thrawn proposed. You’re only the messenger with Admiral Ar’alani, Thrawn didn’t specify to you the intricacies of his proposition and wrote everything In Cheuhn, his mother tongue. 

As the man reads again the terms of the treaty you take time to observe him in more detail. Tall, with deep blue skin, and burgundy red shiny eyes, despite being older than Thrawn he is dignified and haughty, clearly still having long decades before him as Chiss live longer than humans according to your Grand Admiral. His clothes are expensive with very intricate embroideries and multiple layers of pricey fabrics, the prominent red color seems specific to this family. Braided long hair in a sophisticated fashion, makeup enhancing the sharp Chiss features, now you know why Thrawn had the habit of underlining his eyes with red eyeliner… A single intricate ring, probably a family heirloom, proof of his role as head of the family.  

So this is the man... 

The one you promised Thrawn to serve, for ‘the good of both species and future diplomatic relationships’ as he put it. You silently sigh. You are doing it for him. For the genius that he is and his mission… You had all the time to question your sanity and why you accepted. 

But you know why… 

Because Thrawn’s gaze was clear and assured, and this could only mean one thing 

Victory. 

Thrawn warned you this mission could take as long as a year, if not more… way more. But you accepted nonetheless… 

Well at least this ‘Patriarch’ isn’t displeasing to look at, it is your only consolation considering his bad temper. He never once was impolite but made absolutely no effort to make you feel welcomed and comfortable. 

As a soldier, you don’t mind. As a diplomatic agent, his lack of concern is a red flag for the mission. 

“Why you?" He asks out of the blue, eyes lazily raising back to meet yours, or rather to make you lower your head. 

You don’t. You look straight into his burning gaze, unflinching. Is he asking why Thrawn sent a woman? His contracting throat muscles indicate his real mood, the little patience he has, and his true desire to have you walk away from there. 

"Grand Admiral Thrawn trusts me.” 

That’s litteraly the only reason he gave you. You could tell he had another reason, but what Thrawn wants to keep hidden, will remain hidden. 

The Patriarch raises an eyebrow, unimpressed. 

"I already conducted several diplomatic missions, I am…was his go-to officer for them and speak several wild space languages, like the one we are using now. I was the most suited for the job." 

He sneers, your answer far from satisfying him. 

“I am afraid that isn’t sufficient to be worth my time." 

“I know your secret.” 

Again, he raises an eyebrow. 

“And what secret do you think you know exactly?” He inquires with a sadistic smile stretching his lips. 

"How you travel through space. Without any Navigation computers. This secret.” 

His smile vanishes instantly, an incredulous expression flashing on his face before melting in a controlled, but very much real, anger. 

“You are lying.” He modulated his voice carefully, the tone is almost sweet with a note of poison. 

You very sternly shake your head. 

“Grand Admiral Thrawn took care to teach me. He wanted to make sure you would not send me back, not with my knowledge.” You plainly state. 

His expression closes back in a detached, cold, and aloof expression. You cannot read him anymore. 

“You are bluffing. He is an indiscreet and a fool, but he would not betray the secrets of our navy like that.” 

You sigh, reaching the end of your patience. 

“You use little girls with very rare capacities.” You let him know without a shadow of a doubt. 

He closes his eyes slowly, taking in the information that yes, Thrawn did actually spilled the secret to you. 

“You realize I could very simply have you executed and get done with all of this?” 

“I am under the protection of Admiral Ar’alani and Supreme Admiral Ba’kif.”  

You hear a faint growl emanating from him. Whatever happened between them, the Patriarch and the Supreme Admiral aren’t on good terms. 

You try to smile politely. 

“Come on Patriarch, are the mighty Chiss so terrified of one woman? I am but a messenger from one of your compatriots, only wishing to do good for our two nations. Take it as the opportunity to build privileged ties and bounds with a future powerful neighbor. Your family would be on the forefront of the scene and the negotiations.” 

“Do not teach me how to do my job.” 

“Far from me that idea.” You temper, “I am merely pointing out the benefices you could get by listening to the Grand Admiral.” 

“You spoke so highly of your dear Grand Admiral. Learn that he left us with a terrible reputation and was sentenced to be exiled for treason. We do not give credit to his words or any of his peace offerings.” Once again, he takes his scented handkerchief to his nose and deeply inhales it. 

“I am aware. He also contests those accusations but counts on your common sense to see the bigger picture.” 

“I think we are finished here.” He stands haughtily, “I will ask Admiral Ar’alani to conduct you back to your Empire and your dear Grand Admiral.” 

“I am going nowhere, Patriarch. He bestowed me this mission and his trust and I intend to honor both.” You stop him firmly. 

He contemplates you with lassitude. 

“Why going so far for him?” 

“I trust him.” 

“That cannot be the only reason.” 

“To you, it may not be sufficient. To me it is. I learned to know him and I saw the grandeur of Great men in him.” 

“How touching. Someone will escort you to the do-” 

“I invoke the Protocol 39 of Chiss laws for diplomats.” You cut him. 

This time you thought his head would really explode. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 

Thurfian lets the fresh water roll on his skin. 

He is absolutely fuming. 

Where did you learn about that stupid protocol 39?! That damn law should get repealed urgently! A law offering asylum to alien diplomats who know about that particular protocol has no place in their books. It is a useless remnant of a past era of the Chiss Ascendancy when they were weaker. 

But you knew about this protocol and invoked it out loud, and now he has to offer you protection... 

He sighs. 

Of course... 

Ba’kif told you. It is the only possibility. 

Whatever Thrawn planned, Ar’alani and Ba’kif are in leagues with him, leaving him all the mess to deal with. 

What in tarnation Thrawn had in mind? Revealing one of the most dire secrets of the Ascendancy to a human? That Vento one wasn’t enough, he had to send another lost puppy to the Chiss. But this time he sent it to Thurfian. 

He almost wants to laugh thinking back at that ‘peace treaty’ as you called it. Gibberish, unenforceable, naive. Thrawn learned absolutely nothing about politics during this decade. His true goal is so apparent and frankly Thurfian feels like he spat in his face. 

Who does he think he is? And who does he think you are to even think this could work? 

Him? Mitth’urf’ianico? Mating with an alien? Thrawn lost the last remnants of his foolish mind. 

How would that even work? You humans have no mates, what did he hope would happen? 

He gulps, his throat dry. 

His own body hoped for something... 

To his horror. 

His dignity revulses at that thought, but his body awakened quite... brutally at the proximity of a compatible individual. 

A young 

Unmatched and single 

Potential compatible individual. 

He hates to admit it, but you are the prime example of a perfect Mate. A shame you are an alien, that spoils everything.  

But his body, again, disagrees with his morals. 

It only sees a potential, fruitful, and willing potential mate, ripe and ready for the harvest. His own body betrays him, desperate to get to know you better and pushing things to their climax. 

It his demanding you, craving you, your scent, your voice, your touch... 

It has been almost 6 months. 

6 months of pure torture for him. Of his body feeling the presence of an available mate and entering fight mode to deter any potential rivals. 6 long, long months he tried to put the most distance between you two, keeping you as far away as possible, hoping it would ease his urges and cravings, only for his organisms to demand you harder, resorting to pain to force him to get closer. 

6 months of him being hunted by lustful, disgusting dreams of you two together, waking him in a cold sweat, hard and shameful. 

And you had to keep harassing him! In the name of your Warriordamn devotion to Thrawn you kept testing him every day. He has to hand it to you, you are dedicated. 

He sees himself in you, back in his youth when he pursued lovers, the relentless chase, and the thrill of the hunt. But you have no idea of the true reason why Thrawn sent you here, to him. Would you have been a Chiss, he would have reveled in your insistence. 

He tried everything to make you leave of your own will, to the subtle passive-aggressive ways to downright discrimination and hate. Anything to keep you far away. But you took it all, unflinching, dignified, keeping your head high in front of everything the Chiss threw at you. 

He lowkey respects your attitude. He understands better what Thrawn saw in you and how you earned his respect and friendship. Not everyone would have held on before such treatments, he has met plenty of Chiss that would have chickened out long ago. 

But you didn’t. 

You remained, with your insufferable smugness and attitude, as infuriatingly spruce as ever. 

And now he really has no ideas left to escape you and the temptation that you are for him. 

He dreamed so much of dropping to his knees before you, kissing your hand reverently if you promised to be his and his alone, to devote yourself to him like you do with Thrawn, if you let him do what it pleased him to you... 

He woke up horrified each time. 

What other reaction was he supposed to have in front of such dreams? 

Give in? Not a chance. 

He remembers how he tried to push you out of his office the first day, your delicious smell was so overpowering he honestly thought he would pass out from his awakening urges. The last time he felt so... Alive was decades ago. He had to inhale his perfume handkerchief to limit the vertigos and baseless pulsions he felt pushing in his veins. He slammed the door once you exited his office, taking support on the wall to not fall to the ground with how he was trembling. He needed a long, icy cold shower after that. 

You are no Chiss! How could you have such an effect on him?! 

Did Thrawn knew? 

Did he deduce that it was possible? Oh he really thinks he did Thurfian a favor, that he will be indebted to him. 

But he just sent him a tormentor. 

When Thrawn comes back 

If 

He comes back... 

He will find Thurfian in the forefront of his detractors, ready to guide him to the pillory. He will find the exact opposite of what he tried to create. 

Did he really think he would be able to come back untouched just because he sent him an alien to fuck? Thurfian remembers Thrawn having difficulties with relationships and socialisation but this is a real new low... 

And to think he expects him to lower himself to you?! Him, the Patriarch of the Grand Mitth? Does he think he is desperate to find a mate? That he will accept anyone thrown his way? Even an alien? 

He knew Thrawn had weird views but this one is an insult plain and simple.  

He exits the shower to go down and eat breakfast with his family. Another long day ahead of him. Another load of pain waiting for him. He needs to get rid of you... 

He needs to find a way. Any way. 

He passes the large arches and his senses are immediately assaulted by your... obsessive scent. He swiftly takes support on the wall to not fall before the sheer power of your presence. 

He REALLY needs to get rid of you, murder is still an option. It can still happen. 

You are speaking with a member of the Mitth about something he does not care about. His first instance is to leave and climb back up in his suite, but that would be an admission of weakness on his part. That would be admitting you do have an effect on him, and he doesn’t intend on revealing that. 

He already has enough problems like that. If Thrawn and his socially impaired character were able to deduce that you are compatible with him, then that means everyone in the Mitth Manor picked it up by now. He needs not to be a genius to know they all speak behind his back. And that’s also why he forbade you from leaving the Manor despite him trying to avoid you. He will not let the rest of the Ascendancy know one of his possible mates is a human. 

Leaving the room right now would give them prove them right. 

And that is not happening. 

He takes his seat and takes out his questis to read today’s meeting and missions, ignoring you blatantly. He almost manages to focus and forget about everyone’s presence when he hears you laugh.  

Cristallyne and melodious. 

Delectable to hear. 

So pleasing to his ears... 

He deeply inhales to take back the upper hand but cannot help a guilty side glance in your direction.  

You are radiant, smiling with a gleaming shine. You smile at another male, giving him your attention. 

And that... 

Infuriates him! 

He mentally shakes his head, he needs to stop being so foolish but he cannot help the rising ire in his veins.  

You are speaking an accentuated Cheuhn now. You made very great progress, proof of your brilliant intellect and willingness to serve him. And that accent is just soooo... Exotic and musical, just so pleasant to listen to. 

He wants to listen to it for hours, he wan- 

He chastises himself. He wants none of that. He is not jealous of that man. He does not dream about you every night. 

This is not him. 

This is his baseless urges and instincts speaking. Not his personhood. 

He is way better than that. Way above that.  

Way above you... 

He would rather remain ‘the Mateless’ than associate with you. And prove Thrawn’s point. 

This trial is far from over... 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

You silently walk in the corridors of the Manor. You don’t want to get spotted, Patriarch Thurfian would be heavily displeased if one of his guests spotted you. You just want to grab a snack anyway, you will not take long. 

You listen to the music emanating behind the closed doors of the ballroom of the Mitth Manor, a very large party is taking place. You received explicit interdiction to appear, not that you wanted it anyway. You can hear the lively discussions and waves of laughter, this is a lively party. You reach the kitchens and start picking up in the dishes destined for the banquets. 

A bit of this, a bit of that... You grab a fruit and head towards your room. 

As you walk past one of the doors opens, letting you have a glance at the party. You have a sneaky look, only to cross gaze with Thurfian inside, looking straight back at you, frowning, ordering you to get the fuck out of here pronto. You scurry away, not wanting to get him on his nerves. 

You’re not especially in the correct attire to be seen by all those guests. You are in your nightdress, ready to go to bed after your little snack, and you will really look out of place among those high-standard guests for sure. 

You sigh, after a whole year here, Thrawn didn’t show up as promised. You knew it could take longer than what he told you, but you are almost a prisoner here, forbidden from leaving the manor altogether, your weapons and uniforms confiscated. They limited your contacts with Ar’alani and Ba’kif to a minimum. You had to fight tooth and nail to just have the right to own a questis. 

Thurfian cannot bear to see you. He forbade you from approaching him entirely, but in every room you enter he seems to follow, only to look at you with disdain and horror and leave without a single word. You don’t know what his problem is but if he could have banished you to the other side of the Ascendancy, he would have done it. 

Thank the Maker Admiral Ar’alani explained Thrawn’s plan to Supreme Admiral Ba’kif and he gave you that nice little trick with the protocols. Or it would have been a nice little trick if you could have accomplished your mission given by Thrawn, but in those conditions it is impossible. 

‘Sorry my friend, I failed you for the first time’ you think bitterly.  

“I told you they hide an alien!” A male voice raises behind your back. 

You stop and spin on your feet to meet the disturbance of your peace. You met a group of four tall Chiss, looking at you up and down. Something in their demeanor displeases you immensely. 

“And quite a looker! Look at that skin color, it looks so soft!.”  

A fifth man appears behind your back, blocking the only other exit of the area.  

“Where are you going like that, little one? You will need an escort, a lot of bad people roam around that kind of party.” One of them speaks casually as they all circle you. 

“I thank you for your concern, good sirs. No need to bother with me, I am going away immediately.” You inform calmly, discreetly looking for an opening. 

The situation is not yet dramatic, but with five men against you, you will be in severe difficulty. 

“Mmmmh listen to that accent, it is absolutely lovely. Can you sing well too?” The one behind walked so close that he could grab a strand of your hair to wrap it around his finger. 

You immediately slap his hand away. 

“Careful man. She is feisty.” One snigger. 

“I love them feisty.” He responds licking his lips, “Tell me girly, are you the pet of the house?” 

“I am no one’s pet.” You growl. 

The next one approaching will receive your fist in his teeth. 

“A hottie like you, hidden away from the rest of the world like a secret... Someone wishes to keep you all for themself.” 

You fight the desire to sigh loudly to their face. 

“You are imagining things. Slow down the wine and let me pass, I need to sleep.” 

“You can sleep with us if you want. We have the whole night ahead of us.” One of them grabs your hand and attempts to pull you away towards a darker room. 

You throw your fist in his face, feeling something broke under your knuckles and hearing a growl of pain. The man is projected against the wall violently, under his comrades round eyes. 

“You BITCH! Seize her!” He growls, his hand pressed on his bleeding nose. 

They suddenly jump on you, grabbing your arms and clothes to tear them apart. You bite, claw, punch, and kick them back, giving them a hell of a hard time. But it is clear very soon that you will not win against five pissed-off opponents, not without a blade. And slowly fear settles in. 

No one will hear you. 

No one will save you. 

No one wi- 

A gunshot blasts in the air, stopping the commotion entirely.  

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 

He just had a bad feeling. 

When he first smelled tea leaves, liquor, and honey he just felt ire in his veins, what the fuck were you doing around here? When he caught a glimpse of you between the two cracked open doors in your nightdress he felt his stomach tie itself in knots and his heart pumping faster. 

He shot you with his gaze to make you get out! Away from him you devious temptress! 

But when he saw this group of men leaving the ballroom right after you, he felt the ground opening under him. 

He knows very well this kind of gaze they had. How many times him and his friends had to fight off creeps like them to protect their girlfriends back in the day? A lot. Too much. 

Way too much. 

He could not fight off the cold sweat rolling in the back of his neck when they walked past him with that deranged smile.  

His hand unconsciously slid inside his inner tunic, feeling the cross of his personal Charric solidly attached in its straps. His head told him to stay in the ballroom, that aliens’ problems weren’t his. 

But his heart told him that he couldn’t let such a horrifying act happen to any woman he knew, not under his own roof, not even to a pain in the neck sent by Thrawn, alien or not. His own morals couldn’t tolerate it! 

And his instinct screamed at him to protect you specifically, his organism growing territorial and protective over you. You seem very well trained, and a part of him knows you are deadly with a weapon. 

But he confiscated each and everyone of your weapons and sealed them away. 

He even confiscated what you called a comlink. You will have no means to call for help. No one will hear your screams. 

He put you in this situation! 

And as that thought strikes his brain he realizes that he is furtively following the group of young men, his charric in hand. He doesn't see or hear them. He only has to follow your delicious scent.. 

He reaches a door and hears a moan of pain. A woman’s voice. 

Your voice. 

He sees red, all rational thoughts leaving his head. He kicks the door open and shoot a random mirror, dangerous glass shards exploding across the room. 

They all stop. 

You’re on the ground, nightdress torn apart, face bloody, limbs pinned to the ground with one of the creeps lying on top of you. 

Your abusers turn toward him, their ears still ringing from the loud sound.  

“Get off her.” He orders coldly. 

“Patriarch Thurfian, what are yo-” Thurfian doesn’t let him finish and fires at the foot of the one speaking up, making him scream a pitiful wail of pain. 

“Get.Off.Her. Or I shoot you down like dogs.” Thufian very calmly, very slowly, but very menacingly repeats. 

He is dead serious he realizes. He has no idea who they are, they very well might be sons of important syndics or magnates, but he knows that if they don’t obey he will shoot them dead without any second thoughts about any of the consequences. 

His gaze falls on you. You are in terrible shape and visibly terrified. His heart bleeds at such a sight... 

He treated you terribly for an entire year to push you to the door and you took it with grace and determination, unsinkable. He never thought he would see such an expression on your face ever. 

This fear in your human eyes is absolutely odious. He wants to get rid of it immediately. 

Your attackers let you go reluctantly while the fifth is crying on the floor, holding his wounded foot. The one laying his disgusting body on top of you groans as he gets up, displeased that his fun is now ruined. 

Do those types of men know no decency? No sympathy? No respect? 

“Protecting your candy, heh?” The one on top of you chuckles, looking at him.  

“What?” Thurfian snarls, heading the canon of his charric towards the chest of the impertinent. 

“I smelled it on her.” He licks his teeth. Absolutely revolting, “What would the other Patriarchs say if they knew about her, I wonder?” 

And suddenly, Thurfian’s anger subsides. His boiling blood turns into icy cold water in his veins and his mind gets clearer. His trembling hand shaking with fury steadies perfectly and he simply presses the trigger. The revolting man gets thrown back, hit in the chest. His friends jump and shout in surprise, incredulous that he dared fire his fellow Chiss over an alien. 

Thurfian takes his comm out to ring his bodyguards as they look at their unconscious friend lying on the ground in a pathetic position.  

In an instant, Chiss in uniforms enter the little salon, handcuff your attackers, and call an ambulance for the trash that got shot. Thurfian walks to the table. During the commotion you crawled in a corner of the room to put as much distance as possible between you and your assaulters. 

You are trembling, knees pressed against your chest, your human skin soiled by your blood, almost naked in the cold room. He gets on one knee and detaches his Patriarch coat to pass it around your shoulder. 

You shudder as his hand inadvertently brushes your shoulder. Look at you, terrified and lost. 

And that is his fault. Only his fault. 

Without a single word, he seizes your body and lifts you up bridal style. You yelp in surprise, looking at him with questions in your... gorgeous eyes. He carries you out of that room, without a single word for Thivick that just arrived.  

Your scent reaches Thurfian nose again, and for the first time since you arrived in his manor, he indulges. He deeply inhales those delicate and harmonious notes. 

His heart jumps in his chest as he feels you pressing yourself against him, huddling your wounded body against his, laying your head on his shoulder. 

He should feel indignant. Revolted. Absolutely revulsed! 

But the proximity feels comforting, it feels right. Like it was meant to be all along. 

Did the Warrior himself placed you on his way? Did he remained mateless all of this time because he was waiting for you? 

He doesn’t know. And frankly, he doesn’t care. Having you in his arms feels like the only good thing that happened to him in a long, long time. 

He has a lot of explaining to do. But first, dressing your wounds. 

He enters the infirmary and lays you in one of the beds. The medic stands up to start the treatment but Thurfian simply pulls the curtain, isolating both of you from the rest of the world. He washes his hands and washes your face delicately with a wet cloth. 

You wince in pain, you received several blows that tore the skin apart in several places, and bruises of a variety of colors are already flourishing on your human skin. 

“I am terribly sorry, (Y/n).” He simply says.  

What else can he say after such an aggression? What words could comfort a victim? 

“They will be brought on trial. They would not go unpunished.” He assures you. 

You sniff with disdain, not believing his promise for a second. 

“You all say that each time that it happens, but nothing gets done.” 

“You have my word. With the testimony of a Patriarch, they will not be able to escape justice.” He tries. 

You huff again, pushing his hand away. 

“Why would you even do that? You made it very clear I was not welcomed anywhere in the Chiss Ascendancy, especially in your presence. Why shoot one of you for a ‘mere human’?” 

He can feel the pain in your voice, how it twitches your features, how you gulp with difficulties. 

‘Because I am physically incapable of seeing you suffer.’ are the first words popping into his mind and he almost says them out loud before biting his tongue. 

But this is the truth. The fear he felt when he saw you in danger, the urge to tear those men’s eyes out of their sockets for just breathing weirdly in your direction, the absolute desperation when he saw your eyes widen in horror and fear. 

He had to fight his attraction and desires towards you the entire year for him to shoot a man down at your first trouble. He hid behind the pretension that it was only his instinct getting desperate to not find a proper mate that they were desperate to settle with anyone, even a lowly alien. 

But seeing you in this state makes him feel so guilty. He could have made your stay pleasant, welcomed you properly, and shown you the wonders of Chiss culture. But he locked you inside the Manor and limited your contacts with the outside world out of fear. 

That they would know that you were made for him. 

He could have made it easy for everyone and even facilitated future diplomatic relationships with humans like you proposed when you arrived.  

But no. He had to act like a child and now look at the results... 

“Because it is my job to protect guests under the Mitth roof.” He answers, muzzling the truth. “I will make sure it will not happen again.” 

“I do not believe you.” 

“I shot a man for you tonight.” 

You turn your head away from his red gaze. He feels the urge to dive in the crook of your neck and kiss it, his body wants to hug you close and make sure you are safe. 

But maybe... 

This isn’t just his body speaking. 

Maybe it is simply him too... 

He wants to kiss your lips and swallow your pain and fear for you to only know peace and serenity in his arms. 

He won’t, obviously. You are in shock, now is not the time for romantic advances. 

“You could have just sent me back to Thrawn... You did not want me here anyway, why not allow me to go back to him?” You ask, fighting back sobs. 

Now that things are settling down your body needs to evacuate the tension and stress of the aggression.  

So you start crying. 

Stabbing his heart deep. 

‘Because I couldn’t let you go...’ He thinks with a sigh, realizing it as the thought crosses his mind. 

He disinfects and dresses your wounds in silence, letting you cry to your heart’s content before sitting down and taking your hand in his, squeezing it gently. 

“Things will change from now on. I will give you back your weapons and uniforms, I will let you explore Csilla as you wish, and I will arrange a rendezvous with Ba’kif and Ar’alani. If you wish to go back to Thrawn, I will set you free...” 

His hearts bleed at those words because he knows he wants the exact opposite as he is proposing it to you. 

“But if you wish to remain and finish your mission, I would appreciate sharing a cup of tea with you, one day at your convenience. I want to know you better...” 

And a little more he hopes. 

Maybe one day you’ll forgive him. 

Maybe one day you will hold his hands and call him yours.  

He will wait, as long as it takes... 

@bluechiss @thrawnalani @justanothersadperson93 @al-astakbar@thrawnspetgoose @readinglistfics @elise2174 @debonaire-princess @twilekchiss @pencil-urchin @ineedazeezee @mssbridgerton @dance-like-russia-isnt-watching @Cortisolcosplay @obbicrystaleo @germie2037

[esprei]

I just recently got into the submas Fandom and people kept telling me about Emmet x Volo being bad and toxic.

But when I looked into it, all I saw was your art of them and some. And it's not toxic at all??? What are people talking about?

You show them so nice and healthy wholesome together. It actually makes me interested in that ship.

Is that wrong of me? I just think your art of them is pretty neat.

Maybe more people should see how you show their relationship and stop not letting people have nice things.

hey there! first of all, welcome to the fandom! :D hopefully you'll have a great time! and I can do my best to explain this from my perspective at least. or... at least from what I've experienced/seen. (sorry, this will probably end up being long ;;) so to preface, it's not wrong of you at all to be interested in the ship! Emmet and Volo themselves have had zero interactions with each other in canon up to this point, so their interactions/relationship/etc are a blank slate, free real estate sandbox that's up to one's imagination and fanon interpretation. there's nothing inherently wrong about putting them together because they have no dialogue between them or anything that can be referenced as "this is how they would go together, this is how they would interact because it's been established that way in this game or piece of media". all we've got is their dialogue and individual personalities that we can glean from official sources (i.e. Pokemon Masters EX, the Pokemon Special manga and BW/BW2 for Emmet and Legends Arceus for Volo). really the only thing that "connects" Emmet and Volo is Ingo ending up in Hisui. and the reason I say this "connects" them is because a popular theory is that Ingo being sent to Hisui was a direct result of Volo having Giratina open the rift to try and drive Arceus out. but none of this is actually ever stated in canon, I believe. (also when I've seen some people talk before about this theory, there's basically this implication that Volo did it out of malicious intent, as if he knew he was going to bring Ingo specifically to Hisui by doing it and...? I'm so sorry, but no, I just cannot get behind this at all. Volo's sole purpose of getting Giratina to open up the rift was to drive Dialga and Palkia mad in order to bring Arceus from out of hiding - that's literally what he says in the game's dialogue.

I highly doubt that he had any idea as to who Ingo was at all before he met him at some point in Hisui for the first time). but yeah. i only bring this up because it's kinda what I think started the idea of Emmet and Volo interacting at all? maybe not exactly, I can't remember because it's been too long and I both don't remember and wasn't too directly involved when all of this started. but essentially Emmet and Volo even being considered interacting kinda revolved around this idea that Emmet is looking for Ingo, finds out that Volo was the reason for the rift that caused Ingo's disappearance, and that now leads me into the part of why I think the ship is seen as toxic. so. the main reason I'm pretty sure that people say that the ship is toxic is because of how much a lot of early art/works portrayed it (based on what I just explained above). and it's totally fair. because admittedly it did start out with some violent aspects and really just Emmet doing things I personally don't think he would ever do. for example, beating the crap out of Volo for being the reason Ingo disappeared. Emmet being violent in order to demand answers for the sake of getting his brother back. etc, etc. and this really put a bad taste in people's mouths because it really just cast Emmet in a bad light. that, and it was a toxic, unhealthy portrayal of an enemies to lovers trope. and Volo was kinda portrayed as conniving/sneaky/manipulative/etc, and yeah. just things like that I think made popular for it ended up giving the pair a bad rep early on when Legends Arceus was still a popular topic (we're talking like... I dunno. late March into April and on of 2022? ...2022 was when PLA came out right?) honestly though? the beauty about a ship like this is that, as i said before, it's a completely blank slate. it's free real estate. you can portray it however you see fit because there's absolutely zero canon to base it off of (as far as the two characters themselves interacting with each other goes). it can be as wholesome as you want it to be. or it can be enemies to lovers. it can be rivals to lovers. it can be just two guys who happen to meet on the Battle Subway or in Gear Station and connect through a shared love of Pokemon/battling and develop a relationship that way. just because the ship itself maybe had the majority of its portrayal in the beginning as unhealthy doesn't mean it's forever bad, toxic and all around unsalvageable at this point. and while I certainly don't expect anyone who's perhaps uncomfortable or otherwise turned off from the ship because of its roots to suddenly turn around one day and warm up to it because it has potential to be portrayed in a wholesome or positive way, I also don't think it's very fair to blanket label the whole ship bad and toxic just for the fact alone that a lot of the early works for it were depicting a not-so-healthy relationship between the two. i mean that was like... two years ago at this point. things can change. anyway, this is getting long like I knew it would so I'll stop there XD I hope this at least maybe gives some context as to why the ship is seen that way by some? but at the end of the day there's no canon official way to portray it. it has potential to be healthy! and there's nothing wrong about being interested in it. that's just my two cents on it :D

and lastly, thank you so much! it really warms my heart to hear that you think my art of them is pretty neat! I really do want to draw more for them, just... you know. time and motivation 😅 but hopefully I can do something again for them soon!

[oneshotnewbie]

Can you do a little blurb about Reader coming back from the hospital because she got injured on outside duty and Olivia takes care I'd her wound, getting cream on it etc. Because she knows that Reader won't think about it. You can decide what happened to Reader but please make it fluffy and kinda.. like they're together or best friends or whatever?

"Stop playing with your stitches, Y/n! They are already red." demanded Olivia and walked around you, placing the coffee she brought for you as a treat next to you. You sat at your working place and watched her move around while your fingers frantically played and fumbled with the five stitches on your neck. "But they are so annoying!"

She pushed the mug away from you and sat down on the edge of your desk, one of her arms crossed under her chest while the other slapped your hand away from the slightly purple tinted flesh of yours. "Did you put cream on it like the doctor ordered you to?"

Hesitantly, you looked at your drawer, in which you have stowed the cream but had not taken it out yet. It was still wrapped and you forgot about it as soon as you threw it in there. "Nh-uh. I forgot."

Her eye roll was answer enough to your clumsiness. Letting out a big sigh, the brunette took a long sip of her coffee and jerked to her feet. Bending down, she pulled open the drawer vigorously and took the cream before moving away again. "You come to my office every two hours from now on so I can take care of it." she ordered, raising the turquoise tube in her hand; waved it back and forth to indicate she was referring to your wound. "What are you waiting for?"

You stood up and walked after her like a puppy.

Olivia was already sitting on the couch in her office, her big black glasses sitting on her nose as she quickly scanned the leaflet when you trotted in and your hands found your wound again. The brunette did not have to look up at you to realize you were messing with it again; she knew you all too well. "Stop it."

You let out a loud and heavy sigh and slammed the door shut behind you before you threw yourself down on the leather next to her and started to flip your hair to the other side. "It´s going to sting a bit now because your skin is affected."

And indeed it did.

Her soft fingertips slid between the individual exit wounds of the sutures and you noticed how an ever warmer trail followed them. You hissed and gritted your teeth, a faint shiver running through your body while the hairs on the back of your neck stood up. "It´s almost over, honey. Hold still."

"I hate it."

A few more dabs and she turned away from you to cap the cream and put it in her jacket pocket. Her fingers groped her glasses and simply took them off before her eyes met yours and she started to grin. "You really are outrageously."

"It´s my middle name." you both started to laugh and she gave you a rough slap on the shoulder before pecking your lips and getting up; walking behind her desk. "If I see you one more time playing with your wound, no cuddles for you today."

Arrived just before the door, the doorknob already in your hand and down, your head turned in her direction and your mouth opened wide in disbelief. "You won´t do that. I know how much your life depends on our cuddles."

"Your playing with fire, love. Don´t get burned."

[steddieos]

NEVER GONNA LET YOU (GO) II || E || 1,987 || CW: public(ish) blowjob

find part 1 here

"i love you," eddie said and then paused. steve felt his heart drop into his stomach at the phrase.

it wasn’t that he didn’t love eddie, but the fact that he was saying i love you right now threw steve for a loop. nobody had ever said it first to him, nobody had even said it back to him in relationships before. to have eddie proclaim his love for him felt weird, but in a good way.

steve realized he’d been silent for too long, so he moved to put his dick away before turning around to face eddie completely, still somewhat between his legs. he took the other man’s hands and smiled at him.

“say it again,” he said, looking at eddie with the best set of puppy dog eyes that he could.

“i.. i love you?” eddie replied, a puzzled look on his face.

that's when steve leaned in and planted a deep kiss to eddie’s mouth. “i love you too,” he said against eddie’s lips before sliding his tongue over eddie's bottom lip.

when eddie granted him access, steve tangled their tongues together. he tangled a hand in eddie’s hair and tugged at it gently, eliciting a moan from the other’s lips.

“i thought you’d like that,” he teased, pressing a kiss to eddie’s cheek and then down his jawline.

steve pulled away much to eddie’s dismay and chuckled a bit, “you said you had food. we need to eat soon, don’t we?”

steve reached for the bottle of wine, refilling both of their glasses before reaching for the picnic basket. eddie handed it to him with an amused grin, knowing full well steve knew about his own boner. steve was being a little shit, but eddie wouldn’t have it any other way honestly. carefully, steve pulled the individually packaged tupperware containers of his mom’s homemade chicken piccata out of the picnic basket, handing one over to eddie. he reached in for utensils and handed a fork over as well.

steve watched eddie out of the corner of his eye, watching that smirk turn up when eddie caught on to steve drawing the night out. “i’m not hungry,” eddie complained, watching as steve set his tupperware aside.

“you aren’t? it's late,” steve said, looking at his watch. “did you eat at all today?”

there was steve, being the mom friend to his own boyfriend. eddie found it endearing the way steve would want to take care of everyone in his life, but he wanted steve to know that he didn’t need to worry about taking care of himself. that was eddie’s job now and he treasured the opportunity to give steve the world.

“yeah, yeah,” eddie said and squirmed uncomfortably, trying to ignore his growing boner. “i ate a big lunch.”

steve’s eyes wandered down to eddie’s crotch where he could see the beginning of a bulge in his jeans. “what's wrong? get a little too excited?” steve had a condescending tone to his voice which only drove eddie crazier for some fucked up reason.

he nodded and looked at steve, trying to return those damn puppy dog eyes steve always flashed his way. “i’m struggling here,” he admitted, hand going to his crotch where he started to rub at his cock through his jeans.

steve sat back and watched eddie for a moment, the eye contact between them intense. steve hadn’t been around while eddie got off before, usually taking care of steve and then ignoring his own boner which steve never understood. steve moved to crawl back between eddie’s legs, this time facing him. he got comfortable on his stomach, a hand reaching up to push eddie’s hand out of the way and replace it with his own.

“i can’t believe you were just going to let me eat instead of blowing you.” steve scoffed and made quick work of undoing eddie’s pants and pulling his dick out of his underwear.

“fuck,” eddie groaned, he was watching steve’s every movement under a microscope. why wouldn’t he? the prettiest boy in hawkins was about to go down on him.

steve swirled his tongue around the tip of eddie’s dick slowly, making eye contact with the other man as he did so. when eddie tangled his fingers in steve’s hair, he let out a little gasp and let out a little gasp when he tugged. 

when he had decided eddie had been through enough teasing, steve leaned down and took as much of eddie’s cock into his mouth as he could. he sucked and bobbed his head, grateful for the hand in his hair guiding him up and down. he dug his fingers into eddie’s thigh to ground himself as he focused on working his throat to be able to take eddie’s entire cock down his throat.

“that’s my baby girl,” eddie said, the smirk clear in his voice. he tugged at steve’s hair, making him moan around his cock which caused eddie to let out a soft groan at the vibrations. “fuck. your mouth is so..” he trailed off, another moan leaving his lips.

steve continued to bob his head, varying his pace and the pressure applied with his mouth to keep eddie on his toes. he didn’t like to be predictable.

when eddie lost his patience for steve’s games, he grabbed steve by the hair with both hands and forced him down on his cock until he heard steve gagging. he held the younger man there for a moment before letting him come up for air. steve looked so hot like this, tears brimming his eyes and spit trailing from his mouth to the tip of eddie’s cock.

steve only made eye contact and smirked before taking his dick into his mouth again, working up and down his shaft once more until eddie forced him down. this time he kept steve down longer, whimpers leaving his lips. he was nearing the brink of his own orgasm, the semi-public element adding another arousal factor.

he let steve come back up for air before once again grabbing the hair at the side of his head and doing his best to fuck steve’s throat from his angle while he sat. “just like that,” he moaned, head tipping back as the familiar feeling crept up on him. “fuck,” he gasped, holding steve down as he came into his mouth, pulling harder at his hair which made steve moan on his cock again.

once he was finished riding the high of his orgasm, eddie let steve up from his dick and smirked down at him. he laid his head on eddie’s thigh and looked up with him, post-throat fucking tears threatening to spill on to his cheeks.

“you look so pretty right now,” eddie hummed, brushing hair out of steve’s face before wiping away the tears that had fallen on to his cheeks.

steve took a moment to soak in this feeling. they may have just semi-fucked in a field, but he understood what it was like to have somebody who cared deeply for him in that moment.

“hey, i love you too, by the way,” he finally said, grinning at eddie as he sat up while eddie adjusted his jeans back to normal. “i do. i didn’t want to say it too soon, though. so i haven’t.” the butterflies were flying around in his stomach, feeling nervous for telling eddie how he felt even if eddie had told him first.

“what a time to say it back,” eddie laughed, pushing his bangs out of his face. “but i mean it. i love you, steve. i’m in love with you,” he admitted, a bright smile spreading across his flushed face.

steve blushed and looked at eddie, shaking his head. “nobody’s in love with steve harrington,” he argued, thinking of all the times he’d told his significant other that he loved them to only hear that they didn’t feel the same.

“i guess i’m nobody, then,” eddie said with a proud grin.

steve shook his head with an endeared laugh leaving his mouth. he resituated himself and reached for the bottle of wine, taking a long sip since his glass had been emptied. he held the bottle out for eddie with a smile, watching his lips wrap around the bottle after he took it. he watched eddie’s adams’ apple bob as he swallowed and made a mental note to leave a hickey there one day.

“how did i land you?” steve asked, truly perplexed by the idea that eddie would even give him the time of day when he looked like that. eddie could have anybody in town that he wanted and he settled on steve.

he took the bottle back from eddie and took a few sips before setting it down. the wine was steve’s favorite, just sweet enough to taste like juice, but effective in getting him buzzed. eddie always told him he was a lightweight for getting buzzed on half a bottle of wine, steve argued that it was cheaper for him to get drunk that way. he wasn’t going to get drunk in this field, however.

“what do you mean how did you land me?” eddie looked at steve with a confused look on his face. he moved so he was sitting straight up crossing his legs out in front of him now that steve was sitting beside him.

steve still couldn’t believe his ears, but eddie’s words alongside the genuine smile on his lips made it easier to listen to him. looking at eddie was putting butterflies in his stomach, similar to the ones he felt the first time he’d met eddie.

“i love you,” steve reassured, squeezing eddie’s hand three times to solidify his point.

eddie brought the back of his hand up to to his lips and kissed it three times. doing things in threes had been their thing for a while. steve had started the habit when he realized he was in love with eddie, when he was refusing to let himself acknowledge that he was in love. when he was convincing himself that eddie could never love him.

eddie moved away from steve just enough to get into the picnic basket where he had returned the tupperwares of piccata. he grabbed them both out again and handed steve his serving. “please eat, it’s probably cold by now but still.” eddie took the lid off of the tupperware and took a bite to prove his point about steve needing to eat.

as they ate their dinner, steve couldn’t help but watch the sky. he loved the stars and the night was particularly clear. paired with the lack of light pollution, it was a perfect place to go stargazing. “how often do you come out here?” steve asked, his mouth full of food. he wasn’t one for manners normally.

“before you? i’d come out here almost every night. nobody’s ever here, it’s quiet and i mean, just look at it,” he gestured around to the empty lot. the weeds were a little overgrown and steve was sure there were plenty of wildflowers hidden in the grass waiting to be seen in the daytime.

steve nodded, still shoveling the food into his mouth. he hadn’t even realized he was hungry until he took his first bite. “it’s beautiful out here,” he agreed. “and secluded, which is nice for a spot like this. means it’s quiet and makes it a good spot to come and think.”

“i’d come out here and play acoustic guitar,” eddie said with a little nod as if to agree with what steve had been saying.

the two ate the rest of their meal in silence, enjoying each other’s company. neither said another word as they ate, listening to the sounds of the nature around them. there were frogs croaking and an owl hooting off in the distance. steve couldn’t believe he’d been so lucky as to land eddie.

[cruelsummer-ficfest]

Hey Kids—Reading is Fun!

Dear Readers,

Your mods (@femme--de--lettres and @greyeyedmonster-18) are beside themselves with how many of you have participated in Cruel Summer Fic Fest: The Eras Tour this year.

From full novel-length fics to poetry, from microfics to multi-chaptered works and everything in between, we've been blown away—enchanted, even—by this year's submissions. This fest started as a labor of love for both of us as avid Swifties and HP fic authors and we couldn't have imagined in our wildest dreams the way you've embraced it with open arms.

With that said, we're pleased to offer the below list of this year's love stories. Due to tumblr restrictions on tagging, we weren't able to tag all of the individual author tumblr accounts (something something look what you made us do something something) so we've tried to link to ao3 as much as possible, but if you like a fic—check out that author's ao3! We've tried to connect you as directly to the mainstream of what each author writes in that respect, so if you happen to find a new fave, you can show them more love on the rest of their works!

To make a long story short, the majority of these works can be found in the Cruel Summer Fic Fest: The Eras Tour collection on ao3—with a catalogue of over 100 works, there's something for everybody, and we hope you'll take a peek at this year's truly incredible works.

We've had the time of our life fighting dragons with you, but sometimes, you know in your soul when it's time to go.

Thanks for making this cruel summer another one for the books.

Until Next Time,

Your Mods (Grey and Andie)

Cruel Summer Fic Fest: The Eras Tour

(all fics are followed by the character, relationship, or pairing that each work focused on. for the purposes of our list, both "x" and "/" indicate some level of romantic relationship, while "&" entails a platonic or otherwise friendly one)

Era One (Debut/Midnights)

Stay Beautiful (Regulus x James)

Sweet Nothing (Ted Tonks x Andromeda Black)

Midnight Rain (Sirius x Remus)

A Perfectly Good Heart (Harry/Fred/George)

Bigger Than the Whole Sky (Lavender x Pansy)

Anti-Hero (Sirius x Remus)

Tim McGraw (James x Lily)

Invisible  (Harry x Ginny)

Should've Said No (Ron x Hermione)

Dear Reader (Draco x Astoria, Part 1 of 6)

Glitch (Bellatrix Black x Voldemort)

The Outside (Ron x Hermione)

Bejeweled (Ron x Hermione)

Maroon  (Ron x Hermione)

Teardrops on My Guitar (Ron x Hermione)

Mastermind (Ron x Hermione)

Era Two (1989/Evermore)

Wonderland (Snape x Trelawney)

Dorothea (Sirius x Remus)

New Romantics (Regulus x Lily)

You Are In Love (James x Lily)

Wildest Dreams (Sirius x James)

Long Story Short (Draco x Harry)

This Love  (Pandora x Lily)

All You Had to Do Was Stay (Hermione x Pansy)

Shake It Off (Draco x Harry)

I Wish You Would (James x Lily)

Blank Space   (Ron x Hermione)

I Know Places (Draco x Hermione)

Gold Rush (Ron x Hermione)

Welcome to New York  (Sirius x Remus)

Style (Bellatrix x Voldemort)

Happiness (Narcissa Black x Emmeline Vance)

Tis the Damn Season (Harry x Bill Weasley)

It's Time to Go (Teddy x Victoire)

Cowboy Like Me (Astoria x Hermione)

Champagne Problems (Draco x Astoria, Part 2 of 6)

Era Three (Red/Lover)

The Moment I Knew (Ron x Hermione)

You Need to Calm Down  (Draco x Harry)

Sad Beautiful Tragic  (Draco x Astoria)

Nothing New (ft. Phoebe Bridgers) (Ron x Hermione)

All of the Girls You Loved Before (Sirius x Remus)

State of Grace (James x Lily)

Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince Draco x Astoria, Part 3 of 6)

We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together (Harry x Tom Riddle) 

The Last Time (ft. Gary Lightbody) (Ron x Hermione)

All Too Well (Ron x Hermione)

The Archer  (Pandora Lovegood x Lily Evans)

Babe  (Ron x Hermione)

Run (ft. Ed Sheeran) (Narcissa x Lily)

Cornelia Street (Percy Weasley x Oliver Wood)

Everything Has Changed (ft. Ed Sheeran) (Sirius x Remus)

The Very First Night (Ron x Hermione)

Girl at Home (Alecto Carrow x Narcissa Black)

Forever Winter (Draco x Astoria)

Afterglow (Ron x Hermione)

Holy Ground (Romione)

Stay Stay Stay (Blaise Zabini x Daphne Greengrass)

False God (Bellatrix x Voldemort)

Era Four (Fearless/Reputation)

Come in With the Rain (Ginny & Hermione)

Look What You Made Me Do (Ron x Hermione)

That's When (ft. Keith Urban) (James x Lily)

Fifteen (James x Lily)

Tell Me Why (Harry x Charlie Weasley)

The Best Day (Percy x Oliver Wood)

Call It What You Want (Ron x Hermione)

You Belong With Me (Ron x Hermione)

Untouchable (Narcissa x Lily)

Change (Ron x Hermione)

Superstar (Draco x Hermione)

Forever and Always (Piano Version) (Draco x Astoria)

King of My Heart (Ron x Hermione)

This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things (James x Lily)

Fearless (Ron x Hermione)

The Way I Loved You (James x Lily)

Gorgeous (Ron x Hermione)

Bye Bye Baby (Ron x Hermione)

White Horse  (James x Lily) 

…Ready for It? (Blaise Zabini x Daphne Greengrass)

Don’t You (Ron x Hermione)

I Did Something Bad (Draco x Astoria, Part 4 of 6)

The Other Side of the Door (Sirius x Remus)

Era Five (Speak Now/Folklore)

Haunted (Bellatrix x Lily)

Enchanted (Ron x Hermione)

Innocent (Draco & Narcissa Malfoy) 

Back to December (Ron x Hermione)

The 1 (Ron x Hermione)

Exile (ft Bon Iver) (Ron x Hermione)

Mad Woman (Draco x Harry)

Invisible String (Sirius x Remus)

Cardigan (Ron x Hermione)

Epiphany (Padma Patil x Theodore Nott)

Mirrorball (Draco x Harry)

Mine (Harry/Fred/George)

Mean (Ron x Hermione)

This Is Me Trying (Marcus Flint x Percy Weasley)

Timeless (Ron x Hermione)

My Tears Ricochet (Ron x Hermione)

Seven (Sirius x Remus)

I Can See You (Sirius x Remus)

Foolish One (Angelina Johnson x George Weasley)