#both immune to being embarrassed till they’re NOT IMMUNE

[lunarcrown]

When grian wants to be carried around like a Princess by skizz but he has the attitude of a ornery cat SMH

[bukojuiice]

— genshin boys and how you take care of them when they’re sick.

ೃ ft. childe, diluc, kaeya, zhongli, and xiao x gn! reader

ೃ tags: modern au, headcanons, and tooth-rotting fluff.

ೃ 200 to 300 words per character.

ೃ genshin masterlist  ♡ mha masterlist  ♡ aot masterlist

ೃ note: if you enjoyed this, please do reblog! and if you want to be a part of my taglist, answer this form! ♡

CHILDE:

Childe has a very strong immunity system. No lame flu could ever get him. Mayhaps it's the below 0-degree temperature in Snezhnaya that helped his body grow accustomed to certain climates and temperatures? Because according to him, he "takes colds and kicks ass." However, after having too much fun and getting too competitive with Scaramouche at the Dragonspine Ski Resort, he's struck down with a terrible fever. From Sneznaya's Greatest Love Machine to sick babie in (y/n)'s care. He's not necessarily the whiny type but Childe is very helpless. Whether it was intentional or not, he couldn’t help himself at all. He forgets about the cough drops he has to drink and you have to remind him about it, when he refuses to eat Goulash fresh from Dragonspine and demands for alphabet soup, or when you're doing work in the living room and he comes up to you wrapped in a burrito blanket, asking for cuddles because "hugs are the best medicine." to which, you would reply with a hard "no." because you couldn't risk the both of you getting sick. (Even though you were craving hugs from him too.) Due to your boyfriend's stubbornness, it took a week before he could fully recover. And when he did, you bet he rushes to you, screaming, "I'm cured!" peppering you with kisses on your cheek and enveloping you in hugs that you've longed so much from him.

DILUC:

Colds are Diluc's worst enemy. Whenever he got remotely sick when he was a kid, whether it be a runny nose or a small allergy, his immune system literally betrays him. So, when he gets sick, he literally gets sick. Since then, He vowed to maintain a healthy body. You've never even seen him get a headache! It's always been Diluc taking care of you whenever you’re down with a cold. You had always wished for a moment where the tables would turn and it would be you taking care of him for once. That would soon happen on a particularly normal day. Diluc approaches you and asks if you could check his temperature. You bring out a thermometer to check if he has a fever, and it read 38 degrees. Diluc suddenly panics. His face red as a tomato and feeling woozy and lightheaded, your boyfriend wraps his arm around you for support as you bring him to your bedroom. Then, he suddenly sneezes. An adorable sniffle you did not expect to hear from your boyfriend or from anyone as handsome as him at all. It was the cutest "achoo." you've ever heard. You giggle, reaching for his neatly folded pajamas in the closet and handing it to him. "Pretend you didn't hear that." He says coldly, trying to not act embarrassed. Since that night and until he became well, you barely left Diluc’s side. He's wrapped in a blanket, his usual well-dressed get up is replaced with a dark gray hoodie and joggers, your stuffed plushies are cuddled up beside Diluc to keep him company whilst he's bed-ridden, and you're bringing him healthy and delicious meals to help him get better soon. When he had finally recovered, Diluc thought that maybe getting sick wasn't all that bad. Especially if the the one most dearest to him could love and care for him so well while he’s at his weakest.

KAEYA:

Kaeya tries to hide his cold at first. He doesn't want to make you worry too much. After all, he's not the type to get so sick easily anyway. T'was the cursed downpour of rain on that particular Wednesday night after his evening classes to blame for all of this. When you're around him, he clears his throat every time he has the urge to cough, He tries to sneeze as quietly as possible so you wouldn't hear, and he takes his daily medicine for colds behind your back. It wasn't til you accidentally hear his loud coughs whilst he was on his phone when you realized that he had a cold for the past few days now. You were a bit sad at first because Kaeya shouldn't have hid this from you, and yet, you quickly understood when he told you why. Since then, you've been taking care of him. He would lie on your lap as you apply a fever patch on his forehead, massaging his temples, as he coos adoringly at your gestures of affection. In fact, he loved the special treatment that he was getting from you  so much, that even if he was getting better, he still asked if you could rub his temples to ease the pain he's been feeling from his common colds. Although it is very clear that he's already free of his illness, you chose to play along with him. and so from then on, giving Kaeya a loving massage became a part of your daily routine, and he was loving every minute of it.

ZHONGLI:

As a herb and tea enthusiast, Zhongli is able to keep a healthy mind and body. Chamomile tea before the two of you go to bed and a scented humidifier wafting around your house to rid of the germs. However, after eating something he had ordered for the both of you on Postmates and not knowing there was seafood in it, his mild allergies suddenly strike him with a severe cold. Zhongli hates this feeling. He hates not being able to get up, water the plants, read his books, or stroll around the city with you. He had no physical energy to do anything. He kept your house as clean and as influenza-free as possible. Yet here was, on your shared bed, speaking in a nasally but cute voice, a glass of orange juice on the bedside table, and tuned in to the Discovery Channel because it was the closest he could get to the wonderful world around him whilst he was sick. "I miss hearing your soothing voice." You say jokingly, drying a hot towel so you can pat and place it on Zhongli's forehead. "I'm afraid I can't do anything right now, my love. I'm sorry. A-Actually... my body feels hot. I think I need to take a  shower." Wearing a bathrobe or else he'd shiver and have his condition worsen, you help your boyfriend take a hot bath by washing his hair and help dry it right after. Zhongli wasn't the type of boyfriend to ask for these kinds of things, but it was such a sweet gesture. You gingerly wash his hair, spread shampoo around his auburn streaks and small upward curls, and massaging his head in the process. He hums in delight whilst you giggle at his utters of praise, leaving him once you're done with your deed. After a relaxing bath that had probably defeated the colds that was plaguing him, Zhongli is back on his feet the next day. Unfortunately, you were the next victim of this stupid flu and now, it was Zhongli's turn to take care of you and making sure you would get the love and treatment that you had given him.

XIAO:

Calling your boyfriend stubborn when he's sick is quite an understatement. As a very productive person, Xiao always sets a certain amount of things to do as his goal for the day. Going to the skate park, hanging out with you, playing sports, or playing video games were just many of the activities he would do in a span of a day. But, when he catches a cold after staying up too late (sleep is for the weak! According to the Vigilant Yaksha as the mad lad had stayed up till 7 AM) after getting too invested in playing Resident Evil Village, he comes down with a flu that same afternoon. And so, his usual routine of going to the skate park, hanging out with you, and playing video games were soon to be replaced with lounging in the bed, taking medicine, being reprimanded by (Y/N) for moving too much, and feeling like shit because he can't do anything at all. You will literally shoot daggers when you see your boyfriend dashing around because he's supposed to be in bed, getting all the rest he can get. You were very strict with him, simply because you had to. Xiao was very careless after all. You were cooking dinner that same night when Xiao comes up to you, resting his chin on your shoulder, wrapping his arms around your waist and whispering, "I can go to school with you tomorrow." "Xiao... no you won't. Go to back to bed. I'll bring you the Veggie Radish Soup there." You reply harshly, paying no attention to him at all. His tsundere tendencies were showing when you deliver the soup to him and he grumbles, "Y-you don't have to take care of me like this. It was my fault as to why I got sick in the first place. I can take care of myself, you know." You raise an eyebrow, giving him a knowing yet loving look. "I know that. But, I'm doing this because I love you. You're my freaking boyfriend for petesake! Why would I not care for you like this!?"

ೃ taglist: @mignonextte @inlovewithadeptusxiao @duhsies @qimiie @kozu-zumi @volleybloop​

[mizunetzu]

I just skipped school and binge read all of your fanfics- They’re really good gRRRRrrr 🥺🥺 Keep up the good work!! That being said- Can I request a fluffy Hawks x male reader where the reader has a cold and is stuck in bed and Hawks takes care of him? Thank you vv much!!!

HAHHAHA WHY IS ALL MY HAWKS REQUESTS ALWAYS FLUFF (I mean ur like my second one but it’s still flufF) (and not that this wasn’t fun to write cuz it was HAAHA I’m lowkey proud)

(Also gRRRRur so nice but GO TO SCHOOL >:( BARK BARKK BAEKR)

——————

Hawks x reader - The Sick Fic

⚠️warnings - it’s as the title says. It’s the sick fic.

Pronouns - male, he/him

——————

(Y/n) coughed up sticky red blood.

“Y-yeah, no. I don’t think I can patrol today, Yusha-san. The villain from yesterday activated their quirk on me-and I’m feeling a bit sick.”

Yusha, the secretary to the (L/n) hero agency, typed something down on his computer. “Is it something we should be concerned about?”

“No.” (Y/n) croaked out with a chuckle. “Their quirk isn’t really dangerous, but it did make me a bit sick. It’ll pass, don’t worry.”

“Ok. I’ll send in one of your sidekicks to patrol with Hawks-san today.” More typing from across the phone. (Y/n) pursed his lips.

“U-uh,”

“Don’t worry. I’m sending a male sidekick.” Yusha practically read his mind. (Y/n) didn’t want any stupid girls hitting on his stupid, popular, pro-hero patrol buddy boyfriend.

“Thank you, Yusha-san.”

“It’s nothing. Get some rest, (H/n). We expect you to show up tomorrow.” Yusha ended up before (Y/n) could even say goodbye. He lazily dropped his phone onto his bedside table, burying himself under his bedsheets as best as he could. Just as he was getting comfy, the urge to cough up more blood kicked him in the stomach.

He flung himself over his bed, practically shoving his head into the small waste bin under his bedside table. He wiped his mouth with his forearm after hacking up more blood, his head suddenly feeling hazy and jumbled.

He groaned, and got under the bedsheets once more. The world seemed to be against him today, as another distraction forced him out from his beauty sleep.

His phone buzzed once. Twice. Then the annoying, overlapping ring of multiple messages being spammed buzzed out his phone, making (Y/n) cover his ears with his pillow.

Annoyed, he patted around the side table til’ his hand landed on his phone, pulling it towards him and under the sheets.

‘Keigo 🍗 - where r u :(‘

‘Keigo 🍗 - who’s this...rando dude patrolling wit me :(((‘

‘Keigo 🍗 - r u asleep or smth’

‘Keigo 🍗 - wake up ur late to patrol and I need my yakitori addiction funded today’

‘Keigo 🍗 - DUDE’

‘Keigo 🍗 - BBBBBBBBBB’

‘Keigo 🍗 - IM NOT GONNA STOP SPAMMING U TILL U ANSWER ME OR SHOW UP AN PATROL WITH ME >:(((‘

(Y/n) sighed. He opened the messages, meaning that Keigo would get the ‘message read’ notification, but he couldn’t care less. Tossing the phone lazily on the table, he muted the messages app.

———

(Y/n) stirred in his sleep when he heard tapping on his bedroom window. (Y/n) opened his sticky eyes, barely open enough to see a blurry red object tapping against the glass frame. Eventually, the object halted, gave up, and swooped down and out of sight. He shrugged.

Just as he closed his eyes, more pelting came from the window, this time louder and heavier. (Y/n) snapped his eyes open, flinging himself out of bed, and getting ready to activate his quirk.

He visibly relaxed when he saw the huge red wings tapping outside the window, with a certain hero crouching down, looking at him sheepishly and trying to pick open the window lock. The man waved with an embarrassed smile, his feathers following suit.

“Keigo Takami. What the fuck are you doing in my house.”

The man, Keigo Takami, chuckled awkwardly while (y/n) undid the clasps on his window. He stepped back, allowing him to worm his way in through the small window.

Keigo paused, half way squeezed in with his wings stuck in the cramped window frame. He was stuck. “Y...you need to buy a bigger window-“

“Are you dumb?” (Y/n) chuckled, the sight of Pro Hero Hawks, man who could pull absolute pussy, bent over his bedroom window, stuck with his wings awkwardly fluttering in place. “Just, I don’t know, send your feathers off until they’re small enough to fit you in.”

Keigo had a wave of realization. This man had no braincells whatsoever. “...oh, haha, you’re so smart~”

One by one, feathers jutted out from his back, each floating either inside (Y/n’s) room or outside the window. Once all of them were off, and his back were relatively empty, he tumbled ever-so-gracefully inside the room. He stood up, his wings rebuilding themselves in seconds, and did an awful curtsy.

“Thank you, thank you, I’ll be here all day to take care of my sick patrol partner who do happens to be my boyfriend,”

“Speaking of patrol -what happened to patrol? A-and the dude you should be patrolling with? You should be out by n-“

A sharp, piercing pain shot through (Y/n’s) head. Now that the adrenaline from Hawks pounding on his window was subsiding, he seemed to remember how much his head was hurting.

He fumbled down, catching himself on the foot of his bed while Keigo lurched forward. “You good?” He mumbled, taking off his black wool glove.

He rested the back of his palm on (Y/n’s) forehead, before signing uncontently and replacing his hand with his lips. Even if he was burning up, (Y/n) froze.

After a while, Keigo drew his head back. “You’re burning up...”

Silence. Hawks awkwardly chuckled and played it off by running his hand through his hair.

“Lips are more sensitive than hands are-so I was just...you need to get to bed!” Keigo quickly stood up, gently ushering the sick hero to his bed. Pulling up the thick-set covers, Keigo hazily tosses his jacket to the corner and discarded his other glove.

“Try and get some rest. Did that dude’s quirk from yesterday do this?” He got a nod in response. “Alright. I’m gonna go change and get you some shit.”

With that and a warm smile, Keigo disappeared through the bedroom door. (Y/n) followed him with his eyes, right before he was out of sight, then let his eyes droop close.

———

“Pssst.”

A finger poked at (Y/n’s) cheek. He grumbled, furrowing his brows and keeping his eyes screwed shut. He heard a sigh from somewhere above him.

Something feathery tickled him from underneath his nose. He scrunched his nose up, expecting the odd feeling to go away, before feeling a sneeze build up. The watery feeling course through his nose before his head shot up every-so-slightly to let out a weak “Achoo!”

Keigo snickered. (Y/n) finally opened his eyes. Keigo was sitting beside him, now in casual clothes, holding a convince store bag and a red feather. The feather flew out of his hand and stuck itself on his back.

“Sorry I was out for so long. You didn’t have jack shit in your house, so I bought some medicine and takeout since I know you won’t eat soup and I can’t cook.”

It was true. The only thing Pro Hero Hawks is allowed to do is heat up a hotdog, and even then he might break the microwave. And (Y/n) won’t eat soup he made if his life depended on it. If he can’t even turn on the stove, what makes you think that he’d drink a whole bowl of soup made by him and not die?

“Whad’ja get?” (Y/n’s) voice came out more gravely and deep than he expected. Under different circumstances, that would’ve been kinda hot. Keigo pulled out things one by one from the bag.

“Ok so, I got painkillers, a cooling pack, a heating pad just in case your stomach starts hurting, a thermometer, and I found these cool matching red bird keychains and I bought them on impulse. One for you and one for me~ I also bought 2 beef bowls”

Keigo layed all the items down either on the bed or on the table beside it, holding up the keychains last. Shaking them around a bit, turns out there was a small bell inside both of them. (Y/n) tried, and failed, to hide his growing smile.

Keigo placed the cooling pack on (Y/n’s) previously burning forehead. The sudden coldness forced an involuntary groan from the bed sick male. He chuckled.

“Sorry. Deal with that for awhile and I’ll feed you~” Hawks saddled up in the spot next to him, holding the two plastic bowls and worming his way underneath the covers. He placed the food down on his lap and switched on the tv.

They sat in silence, the only thing being the sounds of the tv filling the room with the occasional reaction or snicker from the two. Keigo alternated between shoveling a forkful of rice and beef into his mouth, then feeding his boyfriend and carefully making sure none spilled onto his bed. The news reporter droned on onscreen, their voice being tuned out by the two hero’s.

“By the way, Keigo,” (Y/n) started, once he swallowed his food. Keigo gave a hum of acknowledgment, holding up a finger to (y/n), then to his mouth until he finished chewing. Thickly swallowing, Keigo hummed again.

“You were supposed to patrol today. With one of my sidekicks. What happened to that?”

Keigo looked at (Y/n), before looking back at the tv so causally. For a while he said nothing, until he opened his mouth.

“I ditched.”

(Y/n) made a sputtering noise. His shock turned into a long string of hacks and coughs, which Keigo waited ever-so-patiently for him to calm down from. “You ditched?! Keigo, you’re the no. 2 hero! You can’t be caught ditching!”

“Relaaaaax,” Keigo leaned farther into the bed cushions. “I told my agency and your stupid sidekick man that I was gonna check on you. It was a valid excuse.”

“Still!” (Y/n) rubbed at his temples. Hawks shoveled another forkful of food into his mouth. “You’re sitting here watching tv with me instead of working!”

“I needed a break. Plus,” Keigo held up his unfinished bowl of food defensively.

“I can’t believe you.”

“I love you too~”

(Y/n) sighed.

“I hope you get sick.” Hawks chuckled, saying something about being immune to all sicknesses.

Needless to say, (y/n) was patrolling with one of Keigos sidekicks the next day.

——————

[masonscig]

i like it when you sleep

pairing | mason x sofía

word count | 2.2k

warnings | mention of anxiety, and general murphy nightmares. shameless smut. minors dni

author’s note | had an idea last night and was possessed by some kinda writing gods so here u go! my prompt fill for day five of hot in wayhaven, temperature. this is set sometime in the future where they’re not official and not living together, but they’re a lot more comfortable w each other – idk what book they’re gonna get together so have this vague scene mwah (i have not proofread this so enjoy the mess) also THIS TITLE IS SO LAST MINUTE SJDFJKKDFJ bc of that one song by the 1975 with a full sentence title that is v them 

•─────────────────•

She hasn’t had vivid dreams in a long time, and she’s not sure if she likes it that way or not.

Her dreams are just vague sensations with colors and shapes that never fully form, sometimes comforting ones that guide her through the night till she naturally wakes.

Other times, the creeping anxiety’s broken her into a cold sweat till she jumps awake, left with the distant feeling of Murphy’s fangs deep in her throat, her scar throbbing, the skin there hot.

Tonight’s one of those nights where she’s already woken up panting after outrunning something without a face or distinct features.

The room’s stifling already, but the air conditioning is on full blast. The old system isn’t nearly strong enough to cool down the apartment to her liking.

She shifts under the sheets again, trying to find a cool patch on the bed.

Can’t get comfortable. Can’t cool down. Can’t sleep.

She rolls onto her back, tracing lines from bump to bump on the popcorn ceiling. Her eyes are dried and each blink is scratchier than the last. Her lids are heavy, but her brain’s fighting sleep.

Mason’s next to her, arms folded behind his head, face gentle – his snores are soft and followed by sighs. He’s at his most peaceful like this.

Grabbing the cup of ice water from her nightstand, she takes a few refreshing gulps, tracing her fingers through the condensation on the outside of it, before tapping her cold fingertips to her cheeks.

There’s not much she can do besides lie there until her brain stops working overtime. Maybe then she’ll slip into the dreamless sleep she so desperately wants.

“Sofía?” He rasps groggily, his voice crackling.

It still gets her when he uses her name so casually.

“I can’t sleep,” she smiles weakly, making no move to curl up to his side.

“Didn’t you take some of that sleep shit before you laid down?” He asks, peering at her through a squinted eye, the other one squeezed shut.

It’s true she’s relied on sleep aids for a long time – but something about this summer’s made her immune to them. The drops she puts in the glass of water she chugs before bed are completely ineffective.

“I guess they just stopped working.”

Mason frowns, kicking the sheets off his legs. He’s wearing the soft shorts she bought him, the ones she picked because she knew the fabric wouldn’t make him want to claw his skin off.

“Did I wake you up?” She asks, rolling onto her side. She shakes her bangs away, brows furrowed.

He shrugs. “Not your fault. It doesn’t take much to get me up anyway.”

“It was the fucking water… I was drinking too loudly,” she murmurs, propping her head up with one hand. “I’m sorry.”

“Nah, I’ve got my fill. I’m rested.” A soft smile tugs at one side of his mouth. “Thanks for letting me crash here.”

“You’re always welcome here. You know that.”

He rolls his eyes. “I don’t say thanks often, and when I do it goes unnoticed.” He stretches, the taut muscle rolling beneath his freckled skin.

Her eyes widen. “Oh wow, you really did. Four leaf clover moment.”

He shifts so that he’s on his side, too, inches away from her. “Nothin’ lucky about me.”

“Now’s the part where you say ‘I’m lucky to know you, Sofía’,” she jokes, squishing his cheeks together with her free hand, his brow quirked while she’s tugging his jaw open and closed.

“That’s a given, sweetheart.”

Closing the gap between them with a grin, she presses a kiss to his parted lips, giggling when he darts his tongue out to lick her.

“You’re so annoying,” she laughs, trying to roll away from him, but he just wraps his arms around her, nuzzling his nose into her neck.

“Don’t I know it.”

They spoon for a little while (she’s not sure how long), the ceiling fan whirring above them, the grasshoppers chirping relentlessly outside of her window.

The sweat’s still coming, even more so now that she’s cuddled up to him.

She tries and fails to reach her phone that’s on the other side of the nightstand, so Mason leans forward to tap her dark screen. The time is in big bold letters at the top of the screen, and despite her reading it four or five times just to be sure, it doesn’t change.

“I’ve gotta be up in a couple hours anyways,” she sighs, fully planning on brewing a pot of coffee and inhaling it throughout the entire day. “Might as well get up and finish the book I was reading.”

“How many hours?” He asks against her neck, kissing the scar there to punctuate his question.

“Three, I think.”

“You can fit a good nap in right after,” he chuckles, still buried in the dark sea of her hair between them.

“After what?” She asks, but it comes out more of a sigh when he suckles and nips her shoulder.

“After I fuck you senseless.” Her stomach flutters, her thighs clenching. He doesn’t beat around the bush, that’s for sure.

“Mason, you don’t have to, really. I’m a big girl – I can handle being tired for a day.”

“You’ve gotta patrol tomorrow, right?” His lips are pressed against her ear now, and his hands are splaying across her stomach.

He’s right. Tina’s cousin is visiting from out of town, so she jumped at the chance to relieve her for the night. Should be a huge regret, honestly, but she can’t bring herself to feel that way.

She sucks in a breath when his fingers inch past the waistband of her shorts, past the elastic of her underwear, past the trimmed hair above her folds, settling there with a slow swirl of his middle finger.

“Yeah, I do,” she’s already panting like a fucking fool – she can’t help what he does to her, though.

No one’s touch has ever made her feel this way.

“Gotta be well rested to protect the town.”

“Mhmm,” she agrees, groaning low when he adds two more fingers and picks up speed, rubbing her off at a furious pace.

She should be embarrassed by how fast he makes her come, but considering orgasms with Bobby were few and far between, she’s greedy with them now.

Once she got a taste of being thoroughly fucked and pleasured, she became shameless in collecting them from Mason.

Sucking her earlobe into his mouth, he nibbles the soft skin with a soft pant of his own. Her hand’s on his cock already, palming him through the thin fabric.

He slows his hand, setting an agonizing pace this time, and she’s rolling her hips to try and climax, but it isn’t working.

“Mason, please –”

“Begging already? We haven’t even gotten to the good part yet,” he breathes into her ear, pulling his hand from her shorts and bringing it to his mouth, sucking his glistening fingers over her shoulder.

She whines, barely able to see his tongue dart in between his fingers from her peripheral. “I wanted to come –”

“Impatient ass. You will soon enough,” he smiles into her shoulder, kissing the freckled skin there this time.

She feels the warmth of his hand between her legs, and she’s expecting them to sink into her, but instead he’s hastily tugging her shorts and underwear to the side, hiking her leg in the air.

The fabric rips, and he’s got the audacity to chuckle like he didn’t just ruin her favorite pajama bottoms.

“Hey, those are my favorite –” she barely finishes her sentence when he teases her with his tip, running it up and down her heat.

His hand’s holding up her leg from the knee when he pushes into her.

The sweat rolls down the small of her back – the heat had become an afterthought the second he touched her cunt.

He circles his free arm around her waist, tugging her back till they’re skin to skin.

His hips begin to roll, stroking in and out rhythmically, and all she can do is lie there slack-jawed.

“Oh fuck, that’s so good.” She’s praising him in his favorite way – complimenting him through the pleasure – and that always excites and motivates him.

“Yeah? You like when I fuck you like this? Tell me,” he huffs shakily while he tries to keep his voice even.

She knows she’s got just as equal of a grip on him as he has on her. He’s begrudgingly admitted in the afterglow that he’s never fucked like this before, with both lust and affection intermingling.

“Yes, yes, please, just like that,” she chants, eyelids fluttering shut when his hips snap harder and harder, his arm tightening around her waist.

She digs her fingernails into his arm to anchor herself while he fucks her relentlessly, and he grunts into her ear when she starts bucking her hips, fucking him back.

Her sleeping shirt’s almost completely damp on the back, and it’s gross. Thankfully, they’re in sync, so he helps her slip it over her head, immediately cupping her tits and toying with her nipples.

He’s still fucking her like their lives depend on it, and he’s pressing hot, wet kisses to her back, shoulders, neck… and tweaking her nipples with an expert hand… 

It’s too much, and she’s overstimulated, clenching around him. “Shit, oh my god –”

With a quick maneuver, he’s tugged her underneath him, flat on her stomach, and rolls his hips into her steadily.

She’s open mouthed moaning into the pillow and he’s hitting all the right spots with the new angle and she’s clenching her legs so she feels tighter –

He’s singing his praises above her, shifting till he’s on his elbows on top of her, not a breath of space between them. The cool surface of his crystal necklace skims her back, raising goosebumps on her arms. 

He’s pressing the weight of his chest onto her back, sinking her further into the pillows.

He’s everywhere.

He’s all she can hear. All she can feel.

Any coherent thought of the long patrol and her uneasy dreams are long gone, and there’s him. Only him.

“You’re so good for me, sweetheart. Get your face out of that pillow. Let me hear you.” She’s already putty in his hands, nodding along to whatever he gravels in her ear, so she obliges.

The noises she’s making aren’t flattering in the slightest. They’re an awful mixture of whines and groans, the cadence of them matching the slap of his hips against her ass.

“Fuck,” he huffs as she raises her hips to meet him, lifting them barely an inch or two off the bed.

If her sounds are getting him off, then his are sending her into another realm.

There’s something practically indescribable about getting another person off without trying to. Mason’s probably felt this high a million times in his existence, but it’s new to her.

With a few swivels of her hips, she’s got him just as worked up as her, and he lets her know.

“God, you’re fuckin’ gorgeous – so fuckin’ tight around me. Your cunt’s perfect for me, Sofía, oh my god,” he pants into her hair, gathering it in one hand at the nape of her neck.

He gently tugs her head to the side so he can kiss her, her eyes are already fluttering shut, her mouth parted as she’s nearing her high.

“What do you need, sweetheart? Tell me,” he murmurs, still watching her profile while she concentrates on the orgasm on the horizon.

“Just – fuck me like that – a little harder – and talk to me –” she manages a few broken demands.

“You’re doing so well taking my cock like that – can’t wait to feel you squeeze around me when you come,” he pants, curling his hips so he’s deeper in her, and she all but cries out, slapping a hand over her mouth.

“No, no, let me hear you – wanna see your pretty lips when you say my name –” his hips are stuttering. He’s close.

Thankfully, she gets there first, calling out his name, clenching her thighs to ride it out while he still pumps in and out of her erratically. He’s not far behind her.

When he comes in her, he groans this whiny groan like he’s the one being fucked into oblivion.

He slides out of her gently before plopping onto the bed next to her, tugging her to his side.

“I don’t know if I’ll wake up in 2 hours like I’m supposed to,” she murmurs, eyes heavy and half lidded from getting her back blown out in the dead of night.

“So I did a good job then?” He smirks, pressing a kiss to her sweaty bangs.

“A perfect job. You should just recreate this every time,” she sighs, pressing a kiss to the skin nearest to her, right on his outer chest.

“You’re asking me to fuck you like that every night? Don’t know if I can recreate it perfectly, but I’m up for the challenge,” he laughs, running a palm down her side.

She can’t remember what she says after that, as she’s fallen asleep topless, sweaty, and in ripped pants almost instantly.

He stays – watches her as she sleeps this time. And he thinks that she’s the most peaceful he’s ever seen her.

[girls-are-very-pretty]

I just read a thing that reminded me that I went on a trip to the galapagos last year which reminded me of my terrible no good very bad morning which was legit crazy so I have to tell you about it because I can’t believe it happened. 

So, it was the night/morning of my flight back to America, my flight was going to leave at 1am and we got to the airport at like 7pm, we ate, hung out, I felt very nauseous but it was also kinda whatever, it was the day of the very first covid case in ecuador it had been at the Guayaquil airport which we had been at earlier that week which was a little worrying. I had been wearing a mask on airplanes/airports the entire trip because my immune system is literal garbage and my mom was opposed to the recycled air thing (this’ll be important later). But basically we had to go through customs, tsa, etc then we got to kinda sit and hang out, I filled up my water bottle, I went hunting for a makeup store I had seen at the same airport earlier that week, couldn’t find it which kinda sucked, stole Maya’s french fries and avoided other people because I have terrible anxiety. 

About 10 minutes before the plane was supposed to leave me and my teacher were called up for an extra security check, this was incredibly stressful, we were also like the last people out of like the 15 of us who were pulled aside I assume randomly, to do this so we barely made it on the plane in time, it was about 1am I was very tired, I sat down, realized I did not have my mask, subsequently freaked out, my groupmates were like “ask if the flight attendant has seen it” and I freaked for a minute before going up to the flight attendant guy, he looked down at me as I was like “have you seen a little black face mask?” and he was like so thinly veiled pissed it seemed like he was in his head going “ugh, this brat, overreacting about this freaking virus like everyone else” and so I pretty much shame/awkward slunk back to my seat accepting it was probably gone at this point. I fell asleep, and woke up like 3 hours later, I really had to go to the bathroom, but the only flight attendant in sight was the one who I had already embarrassed myself to and the seat light was still on so I just sat there suffering for 20 minutes till another one came by and I could ask if I could use the bathroom. When I came back out, they were serving breakfast or whatever I was hungry, and then! it was like sausage....and I’m a vegetarian....so I was stuck, and decided to go back to sleep. 

We landed in the miami airport, I picked up my carry on from under the seat, found my mask right there so like so much stressing for no reason, which sucks, we go through customs, and we have to go through TSA again which is weird but also okay I guess. At this point all I want is to make it through, and get dunkin doughnuts. My morning has already been a bit of a wreck and I am very hungry and still tired so I just want dunkin, I just want a doughnut. I’m like 10 feet from the TSA when I realize I filled my water bottle and did not drink any of it, so I have a minute or less to drink 20 oz of water, I am the kind of person who drinks that much water over the course of like,,,a day,,, so I’m suffering but I do it. I go through the metal detector, so far so good, then my bag gets pulled aside, everyone else in my group has already gone ahead, I’m reeling thinking of anything in there that might have caused it to get pulled aside. My teacher notices that I’m kinda hanging out in distress and comes over and hangs with me while we wait for them to check my bag. The lady goes through it, finds an orange juice box. Now heres the thing, this orange juice has been in my bag half the week since I was on the island and they gave it to me for breakfast but I hate orange juice and I was too nice to say no. This orange juice has been on 2 planes, four boats, 5 busses, and nobody cared until now, but they pulled me aside for this juice box. I wanna cry but I console myself with dunkin. 

We get all the way through and start looking at a map, someone tells me there is no dunkin, I seriously wanna cry at this point, there is no god, it is just me and 20 minutes before the next flight leaves. I try to make myself feel better with 2 croissants and some hot chocolate from an organic stand thing I found 2 minutes away from the terminal. I sit down with 5 minutes until we have to leave, I write a yearny little post here on good ol tumblr (the one about being in an airport and how it’s magical because there's so many different kinds of pretty girls, u probably don’t remember it, but I do), and then 3 boys in my group come from the opposite direction, and they’re holding dunkin. Now, it’s pretty well known in the group that the only thing holding me together was the promise of dunkin, so one of them sits down next to me and holds out his cup of doughnut holes to me so I can take some, He was godsent and I will never be able to appreciate him enough. I did cry, but also still got on the plane. 

I later got starbucks for the very first time because my throat hurt and it was very good, and Maya braided my hair for me on the last plane to montreal which was fantastic (ever had your hair played with by a girl? 10/10 recommend). At customs I had to keep one of the younger kids from being held (On the way into canada 9 days earlier he had told the customs officer that he had a gun, it was not a great way to start the trip), he was doing so much stupid stuff, Gomez, one of the teachers, was like ‘christi, just...don’t let him do anything stupid” so I held both of our tickets and gave simple succinct answers, smiling and being nice, we made it through by some miracle and safely made it home, but like that whole first part was such a nightmare, and my ear/head had hurt half the week to the point that I ended up crying and the tour guide gave me chamomile tea (he was a fantastic person), and I found out at the doctor 2 days later that I had a double ear infection aka, I had debris in my ear that got infected and like my ear fluid had also gotten infected, so like my head and ear had hurt the entire plane ride and I could have lost my hearing from the 3 plane rides in a row, so it was a train wreck. 

Moral of the story, life is crazy, dunkin doughnuts holds my life in their hands, even if this happened, it was still an awesome trip but also crazy. 

[juliandev0rak]

Lapine

Dinner at the Lonan manor doesn’t go to plan.

a side fic to the Hallmark Yule Series by @leila-of-ravens

characters: Lysander Lonan, Leila Lonan, Leith Lonan, Lachlan Lonan (of @leila-of-ravens), Ella Sagen (of @leechobsessed), Beatrice Viano, Bramble the rabbit, also sort of Julian Devorak

words: ~1800

notes: takes place somewhere between chapters 4 and 5 of the Hallmark Yule Series

Beatrice has been running on nothing but excitement and lots of tea for the last few days.

She’s been busy being introduced to the city of Umbra and to her home for the duration of her stay. It’s hard to rest when there's so much she wants to see and do while she’s here, there are museums and an opera house and most exciting of all- a university. She wants to see it all, wants to soak up every moment of being in this place.

She finally has a break in her busy itinerary, an hour to herself before dinner which is usually served at eight. She finds it difficult to stay awake now that she’s not on the move, and she decides a nap is in order. But as Beatrice lays down on the still unfamiliar bed, she finds it impossible to fall asleep. 

As she tosses and turns fitfully, her mind wanders back to the house tour Lysander had given her after she’d arrived a few days ago. Beatrice had probably looked like a fool, all wide-eyed and curious about everything. She’s never been in a house this grand, except for the palace in Vesuvia which is well, a palace.

The Lonan manor is large, beautiful, and filled with all sorts of wonderful things. She’d noticed a grand piano on her way in, and books, books everywhere. If someone had asked her to describe her dream house, this would be it. 

Even the guest rooms are nice, tasteful if a bit impersonal. And Lysander is just down the hall, the second to last room he’d told her. She feels slightly strange at the thought of him sleeping so close to her, just a few walls away. Beatrice can hardly believe she's here, seeing where he lives and works and spends his free time. She's in his home.

Trying to sleep seems useless, so she gives up on her nap and decides to read. But she’s restless and even her novel can’t hold her attention for long. Hiding away in her room has less of an appeal when she has so many more interesting things, and people, she could be seeing. 

When it’s time to get dressed for dinner Beatrice stands in front of the wardrobe for far too long, trying to decide on an appropriate outfit. She wants to be casual, this is simply a family dinner after all, but she wants to look nice too. Beatrice finally picks a dress and tries to fix her hair, which is beyond repair after a day spent out in the cold and wind. She pins it back from her face and fluffs her bangs- good enough.

This is just a dinner with Leila’s family, but her family happens to include Lysander. If she’s making a little more effort on his behalf, who could blame her?

Beatrice shakes off her sudden bout of nerves and checks the clock on the wall, it’s five minute till eight so she heads downstairs to the dining room. Bramble hops along beside her, sticking close to her side. Her familiar has been uneasy since their arrival, on guard around the other animals who inhabit the house. There’s a dog, a fox, and multiple birds of prey- it’s not the safest environment for a rabbit, and Beatrice has been careful to keep an eye on her.

When she enters the dining room she finds nearly everyone seated already. She takes the seat between Leila and Ella, and notices that the only person missing is Lysander and the only vacant seat is directly across from her. She wonders if someone had arranged the seating like that on purpose. 

Bramble settles into her lap and Beatrice reaches for the full wine glass in front of her, taking a polite sip as she listens to the others talking around the table. She’s a bit overwhelmed by all of the chatter and is content to observe rather than interact for the moment. She notices that Ella is avoiding any and all eye contact with Lachlan, who is similarly avoiding her by conversing with Julian. Beatrice looks away, unsure how to offer Ella support in this moment, and watches as Leila jokes with Leith.

Lysander enters the room then and her eyes immediately go to him. 

She stares at him, dressed in his usual white shirt and blazer combination, and he stands in the doorway looking back at her. The eye contact stretches on, neither looking away until Leila laughs loudly at something Julian says and breaks the moment. Lysander clears his throat and crosses the room to take his seat across from her. He nods at her in greeting and she dips her head in response, wondering if she should say something.

Bramble stirs in her lap and Beatrice suddenly wonders whether it’s rude to have a rabbit at the dinner table. She’s pretty certain that the laws of etiquette don’t dictate what to do with your familiar, but she isn’t about to let Bramble roam the house alone.

“Dinner is served!” Leith announces from the head of the table. They’re served some sort of stew, the meals in Umbra are always warm and hearty. It smells good but Beatrice decides to try the bread first. She’s learned over the course of her stay that Leith is a very competent cook and usually makes every meal himself. As she spreads butter on a piece of warm bread she notices Leila turned to face her.

“So, Beatrice, did you manage to nap?” Leila asks, and her friendly smile puts Beatrice at ease as it always does.

“No, I think I’m quite immune to sleep at the moment.” Beatrice takes a bite of the bread, savoring the soft texture. “I read instead.”

Leila laughs, “I’m not surprised to hear that. Is the book any good?” 

“Yes! Lyse recommended it to me. It’s got so many characters that it was a bit difficult to keep up at first, but I’m enjoying it.” Beatrice turns to look at Lysander across the table and finds him already looking at her. She smiles briefly and quickly averts her eyes, staring down at her plate instead.

“Lyse, is it?” Leila laughs at the casual slip of the nickname and Beatrice blushes, wishing her hair was down to hide behind. She picks up her spoon to cover for her embarrassment and is just about to eat a spoonful of the flavorful looking stew when Ella’s voice rings out over the other’s conversations.

“Beatrice, don't eat the stew!” 

“I beg your pardon?” Beatrice lets the spoon fall back into the bowl, careful not to make a splash. Her eyebrows draw together in confusion as she stares into the bowl, it looks like a perfectly normal meat stew to her.

“It’s rabbit.” 

“Oh.” She stares down into the bowl, unsure how to react. She doesn’t eat rabbit, how could she when she’s got an adorable one sleeping in her lap right now. Beatrice looks up from her bowl to find everyone’s eyes trained on her and she blushes again, embarrassed to be making a fuss.

“Leith! How could you serve us rabbit with Beatrice here?” Leila asks, shaking her head in disapproval.

Leith looks horrified as he stands up from his chair to make his way over to Beatrice. He bends down towards her as he talks. “I’m so sorry Beatrice, I forgot entirely! Rabbit is a very common meat here and… well that probably doesn’t make this apology any better. I am sincerely sorry for having served you this meal, can I get you something else to eat?” 

“Oh it’s fine, please don’t worry about it!” Beatrice is trying to sound reassuring but her voice raises to a slightly squeaky pitch as it does when she’s uncomfortable.

The chunks of meat in the stew seem to stare at her accusingly and she tears her eyes away. She looks up to see Lysander still watching her with a peculiar expression on his face, he looks a bit upset but it’s always so hard to tell what he’s thinking. Beatrice hides her discomfort by taking another sip of wine.

“It most certainly isn’t fine, I’ve greatly offended you and your familiar.” Leith’s voice pulls her attention back to him. “Please accept my most sincere apologies, I’m sorry to have caused you any discomfort.” 

Beatrice frowns as he talks, but she’d made up her mind to forgive him before he’d even apologized. It was a simple mistake after all, and one he clearly hadn’t intended. “Your apology is accepted of course, but I’d appreciate if you didn’t serve rabbit again while I’m here.”

Leith puts his hand over his heart as if he’s swearing an oath, “Of course, it won’t happen again I promise. Now would you like something different? I could make a vegetable soup if you’d like?” 

“Oh, that’s alright! I’m not very hungry, I think I’ll stick to bread, thank you.” Beatrice reaches for her piece of bread and takes a bite for show. Any appetite she’d had has pretty much disappeared. 

Leith doesn’t return to his seat, still intent on making amends. “I’ll have to make something special for dessert sometime to make it up to you, any requests?” Beatrice drops her piece of bread and nearly knocks over her glass in the process. She hates being an imposition, especially as a guest. “That’s very kind of you to offer, but you don’t have to go to any trouble on my behalf!”

“Beatrice loves cake,” Leila interjects before Beatrice can demure too much.

“Well perhaps I’ll make a carrot cake then, to apologize to both of you.” Leith smiles warmly at her, and Beatrice returns the gesture.

“May I help you bake it?” She asks, surprising herself with her boldness. Beatrice has only just met the oldest Lonan brother, but she can already tell that he is a very kind person. She’ll willingly accept his apologies, and his baked goods.

“Sure, if you’d like. I’d be happy for the help.” Leith gives Bramble a scratch between her ears and then returns to his seat. 

The dinner continues on, though everyone seems to enjoy their meal a bit less than before. She notices that Lysander hasn’t touched his stew at all.

As the rest of the group continues to talk and drink, Beatrice sits back to observe again. She had worried that she’d feel out of place here- in a fancy house, in a city so far away from home. But the Lonans have tried their best to make her feel welcomed and included, and she appreciates the effort.

Though she’s still trying to get her bearings in this unfamiliar place, Beatrice realizes that she wants this. She wants to believe she could belong here, in a fancy house with a family like this. With this family. As long as they don’t serve rabbit again.

[misha-moose-dean-burger-lover]

Going on Sixty

Dean’s fifty eight. 

He’s pushing sixty, and that’s exactly what he’s doing. He’s pushing as hard as his back allows - but it doesn’t seem to be working, and if he’d had a stick - though he doesn’t need one, thankyouverymuch - he would’ve been using it too.  

And it’s not just the number. 

He’s old. 

Bobby Singer’s words have never rung truer, and that man has said plenty of wise things in his life. “Old age is both - forgetting things like a drunk, and hurting all over like you’re sober.” It’s ridiculous. Dean won’t vouch for having had a brilliant brain before, but he didn’t used to forget why he went into the next room, he’s quite sure.

And, oh lord, his bones. His joints creak when he sits, and he wishes he’d given older hunters less shit for it when they’d all been whining in chorus about their goddamn hips. He gets sick easy too - Sam, the ever smart-ass says his immunity is as trash as the meals he’d have when he was thirty. He might be right. When it’s flu season, he wheezes like he might cough his heart out; and he’s sure anyone who hears him is positively scared about it too.

So, there. He’s old, and he’s grey, and he’s slow, and he’s grumpy. 

But hell, is he happy. 

Everyday, he wakes up on a mattress that’s known him for just the perfect span of time, under a white, fleecy comforter; all seasons of the year because they’re settled in Key West - who set their bets on Florida, ‘twasn’t him - and he wakes up next to the man he loves. 

Cas is either curled around him, hands tucked around his middle, or he’s cuddled up, pressed to Dean’s front, and Dean gets to wake up hugging him close, leg slot between his, and his nose in Cas’s hair - which frankly, he’s gotten so used to, that it doesn’t even make him sneeze anymore. 

And then they wake up - Dean mostly second; and breakfasts are cooked and coffees are made, newspapers are fetched and kisses are shared, until dressed in fresh clothes to go mostly nowhere in particular, he finds himself seated across Cas on their little table for two - they’d reasoned family meals are more fun on the patio anyway, and ninety percent of the time, it’s really only just them.

And every day, Dean thinks about how lucky he is, and it mostly happens while he’s staring at Cas unabashedly as the beautiful, wrinkled man solves the crosswords, and writes his lists on less printed pages to conserve paper.

Days pass slow, but years are always in a hurry - they’ve been married sixteen years, already. It had all Sam’s doing, that one, he’d never meant to have a grand big day out, with white linen tablecloths and calla lilies and a goddamn wedding photographer.

But he doesn’t need those pictures to remember. Cas, in his cobalt tuxedo, and Dean in his black blazer - both walked up the aisle because either one of them doing it had sounded unfair. He remembers the vows, the dances, and the kiss. It had been everything he hadn’t known he wished for, and he’d cried that into Sam’s shoulder a week after, when Sam brought homethe gigantic album from the studio. That day, he’d gotten to bring Cas home, and make honest men of themselves, he remembered saying - and then, they’d moved into their house together, husband and husband.

The house is close to where Sam teaches, close enough to the shelters they volunteer at twice a week, and at walkable distance from the diners, movies and parks. They have a library debossed in a wall, a garden at the back, and a study for where Dean and Cas alternate taking calls, pretending to be the FBI. 

It’s perfect.

And Dean Winchester’s happier than he’d ever been - and it sucks, because it doesn’t really seem to count. Because now, he’s old.

*

The troubles started slow, as you’d expect them to do.

Dean misplaced the keys to the Impala one fine evening when they’d planned in advance to go play pool and darts at Wren’s. He’d found them at Sam’s, the next day. And if he hadn’t been as busy as he was, correcting Cas whenever he called it ‘losing’ the keys, because he’d ‘known they were at Sammy’s, dammit’ - he would’ve given more thought to how that had been the very start of a long line of similar mishaps.

A particularly embarrassing once, he’d forgotten the other side of the grocery list when he’d gone out - Cas had justifiably nagged him about the lack of oranges, post-it pads, and condoms for the rest of the day.

Once, he got so utterly exhausted performing Baby’s monthly maintenance routine, he fell asleep - and Cas just assumed he was staying over at a friend’s and had forgotten to inform him, so Dean spent the entire night and then some, in the garage.

Yeah, because he slept ten frigging hours a day now.

Dean occasionally complains how it’s happening all wrong for him, because this stuff’s supposed to start at eighty! And Sam and Cas both shine their intellectual scowls at him, and he’s told that he’s been mislead. Cas goes on to add, with a smirk, that since Dean hadn’t exactly allowed himself to age till forty two - when they finally took down Chuck and bowed out of the game - it might be a way for his body to compensate for the delay then. Dean tells Cas then that he’ll make him sleep on the couch, and Sam points out that it’s not Cas who develops a crick in his back from that, and Dean declares that he hates them both.

If someone had told him - and honestly drilled it into his head too, that exercise at thirty would mean surviving at sixty, he would’ve fucking joined his brother on his smug-faced morning runs. He still wouldn’t have yoga’d, to be completely truthful, but he could’ve fucking ran. (Though, he wasn’t sixty yet. That was far, far away.)

But the point stood as it did. Dean felt multiple times the old Cas seemed to be, and especially on the times he messed up and Cas turned even more thoughtful and nice - he has to seriously resist the urge to pull a Crowley and tell his ridiculously understanding husband that he has no idea what old feels like.

Except he isn’t a hypocrite, and theoretically, Castiel is older than mankind, and Jimmy’s older than Dean.

*

A day just so, when Dean’s home and Cas is gone visiting Claire at her new place - she’d moved in with Kaia only last month, after dating for more than a decade, with a quiet, beautiful wedding in the backyard, so Cas had taken with him a waffle maker to keep up the tradition of wedding gifts in their family - and Dean’s sat by himself on the porch contemplating the nature of being old as crap and acting like it, he’s struck with a horrifying thought. 

He hadn’t realized it yet, but all the things he’d been doing wrong, have been affecting his relationship with Cas, somehow. 

The keys? They’d had to postpone a date, that Dean couldn’t even remember them going on later. It wasn’t his fault, but Cas had had a busy week. The condoms? Well, go figure that one. The sleeping in the garage? He’d smelled so much of motor oil that even he couldn’t be disgusting enough to lean in for a kiss the next morning. 

Perfect. So, it hasn’t been enough to ruin Dean’s dignity and his sense of normalcy. The ghost of two-years-to-sixty had to mess with the best thing in his life, too. 

Though, he reasons, Cas has been nothing but accommodating all those times - well, except for when he’s a smartass about it.

Mostly, he just tries to convince Dean that it doesn’t matter, really, and that he understands - but it just irks Dean further. It isn’t fair that Cas can still walk at the same ex-angelic-pace from before, or that he doesn’t have colds and acid refluxes. He’s happy that Cas doesn’t suffer, of course he is - but it doesn’t seem fair. 

Cas might be aging with him, but he isn’t growing old. 

Instead, while Dean developed body aches and lines on his face, he’d just developed more pronounced crowfeet from the ever increasing smiles, and it just made him more beautiful. And he’d widened some, but Dean just likes that more. 

Cas doesn’t forget keys, or sexy items on the Walmart list, or any of the shit Dean pulls. He doesn’t do things which might compromise their time together, or date nights. 

Dean’s the one who does that. 

He can’t believe he hasn’t noticed it before. He shudders at the thought of becoming like one of those old married guys who stop putting a goddamn effort - because he knows he’s grateful for the life he lives, everyday. Getting married to Cas is one of the best things that have ever happened to him. But does Cas know? Does Cas remember? Dean loves him, but he’s hardly able to show it anymore. He can hardly plan elaborate and adventurous dates, and he certainly can’t orgasm thrice in a night. He’s old, and he knows Cas gets it, but does Cas get it?

Suddenly very troubled, Dean takes another sip from his beer. 

As the years passed by, his tolerance for alcohol has gone lower. It even tastes bitter, going down his throat. 

Old age just became exponentially worse. 

*

The last straw is something as inconsequential as a backache is at this age, and as horrid as one too.

Watching Netflix’s Queer Eye in the living room, they’d fallen asleep on the couch, in the middle of the day. Their white settee isn’t large enough for them both to lie down, but they’ve managed to settle pretty comfortably, and it doesn’t even feel like they’ve had to squeeze in, because Dean gets to have his hand around Cas, who has his head rested on Dean’s left shoulder.

The episode is long over, and owing to autoplay, Dean wakes up to the Fab Five spending the week with a completely different person altogether; and Cas stirs too, and lifts his head from Dean’s chest, having migrated downwards to hug his hips, and -

“Fuck.” Dean winces. The loss of weight had allowed his spine to straighten mostly, and a sharp pain shot through his back. He has to fight his tongue to not swear again, because Cas is looking at him concerned - albeit, still drowsy.

“Is everything alright?” He asks, in a sleep-roughened pitch, and Dean tries to focus on that instead on his back. How wonderful Cas sounds, and sure he does, but - holyshit, his back.

“It’s - I’m good, Cas.” Dean placates, trying not to speak through his teeth, still trying to ignore the pain.

“Did we really fall asleep at three in the afternoon?” Cas smiles at him, and his eyes are bright and eyebrows are up. “I’m surprised at us, Dean.” He adds, in a not very surprised tone, and scoots upwards to Dean’s level.

The pressure helps a little bit, only enough for Dean to screw his eyes shut and kiss back.

Cas is slow, soft and warm. He is half draped over Dean’s front, and cupping Dean’s face with both his hands like he wants to take his sweet time kissing today - like he has nowhere else to be, and Dean knows he doesn’t, and he wishes to dedicate all his time to Dean’s lips and Dean goddamn wants him to, too.

It’s been some time since they made out like this. It’s leading to no where - of course it isn’t, they aren’t monkeys who do it on the couch anyone; it’s just what it is, it’s very in the moment, and it’s one of Dean’s favorite things to do. Except right now, he’s not in the moment. 

He tries to return the best he can, letting an arm fall over Cas, and move his lips in sync with his. Cas is adequately pleased to be the one leading, and makes a happy, contented sound as his tongue enters Dean’s mouth.

And it feels wonderful, but Dean’s back still hurts, in spite of the weight now, which means there’s really no easy way out of this.

Cas chooses that moment to let go of Dean’s face, and his left hand trails under Dean, while the right one moves up into his hair. “Dean.” He sighs, and it’s so perfectly gorgeous, that Dean begs for it to stop hurting, so he can start enjoying too, because they haven’t kissed like this in a while, and he’s missed it.

There hasn’t been a reason to not do it - they’ve obviously kissed good morning and good night, but this is still the fortnight Dean forgot the lube and condoms so they haven’t had sex, and now that Dean thinks about it, his back has been showing signs of impending doom, as well as -

“I love you,” Cas breathes out, still nice and tender on him, and his mouth still engrossed in kissing him. 

“I -” Dean looks at Cas, sleepy blue eyes and soft, shaven cheeks, engrossed so completely in Dean - and feels an overwhelming wave of lucky again. “I love you.”

Shit, the least he can do is give Cas what he’s asking for - his back could be tended to, some other time. He’s been a hunter all his life. If he can’t even kiss his husband back without thinking about his aching back, what has he even been doing?

He stops thinking entirely, and gives himself up to making Cas feel good - he hums under his breath like he knows Cas likes to feel on his lips, and tugs Cas closer, and he almost feels better himself, until Cas’s wandering hand somehow snakes to the exact spot Dean’s pain is focused on, and as Cas groans, he presses, and -

“Fuck!” He cries out, almost yells, leaping a good inch off the couch. Cas is on his feet almost instantly, kiss swollen lips now frowning in earnest, studying Dean.

“Was that -” Cas pauses. “Is that an erogenous zone you’ve newly developed, and not told me about?” He asks, and he’s frank is all that matters. “Did you -” His eyes track lower along Dean’s body, where his member is definitely perking to attention, newly so under Cas’s curious stare.

“What? No.” Dean flushes, at the idea of coming in his pants like a horny teenager, from perhaps the most innocent drawn-out kiss he’s ever shared with Cas. Only because he’s been thinking about his back, that is. 

“It’s -” He almost tells Cas. Then he remembers the way Cas had looked at Dean, how much he’d wanted this, and how long it’d been. “It’s nothing. Just got reminded of something, or…whatever. Come back.”

Cas squints at him.

“Don’t look at me like that.” Dean swats He still doesn’t dare to move his spine though, because after he’d sprung up in pain from Cas’s hand brushing the area, he’d managed to find a spot where he wasn’t quite feeling the pain.

Cas continues to squint.

“C'mere.” Dean motions, and makes the mistake of turning towards him to persuade Cas with full-blown puppy eyes, which usually work - because another bout of pain shoots through him, and he visibly squirms.

“Backache.” Cas declares, crossing his arms on his chest. “You have a backache.”

“S'no big deal.” Dean shakes his head.

“Okay.” Cas agrees, and sits down on the couch next to Dean, but not touching him anymore. Dammit. Cas had wanted to kiss him, wanted to keep kissing him, and Dean hadn’t even been able to get kissed. He was a complete moron, and now he knew he wouldn’t be able to get Cas to return to the kissing, till he’d dealt with the situation. 

“Tell me where.” Cas demands.

“I said it’s not a -”

“Falling asleep on the couch must’ve triggered it. You’ve been stiff since Thursday.” Cas notes, ignoring him. “I’m going to shift the TV to the bedroom tonight. You’ll help me with the plugs and the chords, you always know how to get the wires right. Now, can you walk?” Dean opens his mouth to protest that he doesn’t want to, because all he wants to do is sit on that couch, and have Cas on top, kissing him. “Because if you can’t, I’ll have to pick you up and put you on the couch which can be pulled into a bed, and you can stretch out.”

“Cas.” Dean whines.

“Dean.” Cas replies, matter-of-factly. Dean can’t tell if he’s pissed because Dean’s killed the mood by getting a stupid backache, or because Dean didn’t tell about it before.

Who’s he kidding, though? This is Cas. It’s the latter.

“Well, I haven’t tried to walk yet.” Dean finally gives in. Cas smiles, and it’s not a triumphant smile, Dean must have imagined it. But the fond twinkle in his eyes, he couldn’t have imagined.

Cas gives him a hand in getting up, and hooks Dean’s arm around his own shoulder to mostly drag him into bed. He plants Dean on his side, almost with a nonexistent grunt, and rewards him with another smile.

“Lie down. On your front, if you can.” He instructs. “I’ll come back with some ointment. Do you need help flipping to your front?”

“Y'know, you may wear a coat all the time, but you’re not a doctor.” Dean’s only trying to be annoying because Cas is a goddamn dream, and it is a miracle he loves Dean, so Dean must test his patience to make up for it. 

“I used to be able to heal - I think I’m close enough to one.” Cas replies, if a bit sad. “And if nothing else, I’ll kneel next to you, and rub the ointment into your back.”

Dean involuntarily sighs at the thought of that, because while the change in setting is helping, it still hurts like a bitch. And a massage sounds like heaven, right now.

But he realizes instantly after, how he just sighed at that thought like an nineteenth century actress, and grumbles. “Never thought I’d be this happy about a massage. And it’s not even a sexy massage.”

“I’ll have to take your shirt off. I could take my shirt off too,” Cas offers, from the other room, and now he’s moved on to the part where he’s snarky about it instead of kind. “We’ll bag the sexy, don’t you worry.”

“Shuddup. I’ll be lying on my front, anyways. Won’t even get to see ya.” Dean’s cranky, but Cas’s laugh comes across the hallway to him and makes him smile. Cas walks back into the room, sporting a smirk, as he unbuttons his shirt and gestures at Dean to flip over. Dean steals a proper glance. He gets to look at Cas everyday, naked if he wants to, but Cas never stops looking good to him. He’s got the toned abdomen, though you can’t see the formerly well-defined abs. Plus, he’s got chest hair, and there’s his pecs, and the shoulders, and his collarbones - and Dean has a flashback of the time he drunkenly confessed that he’d totally sleep with him, even if he hadn’t been around to see the coverboy model looks he’d had before, or even if he wasn’t the best man Dean had ever known, just because of those arms. 

So, sulking, but without his heart in it, Dean adds. “Sixty six’s not your fucking prime, you massive show-off.”

“Ouch.” Cas deadpans, and it’s not even funny, but Dean just loves his wisecracking idiot so much, so he laughs.

*

But this episode just reaffirms his fears. This newly-old thing is really trying to fuck up his marriage. That stupid backache - which subsided the next day, because Cas’s fingers are magic, and not just when they’re around Dean’s dick or up his ass - had cut into his quality time with Cas. He doesn’t want to let another old-person problem interrupt his time with Cas. He can’t possibly keep this up. 

Even if he has to put in more of an effort, he’s going to make it through this. 

*

“Say, Cas.” 

Cas raises his eyebrows as means of asking Dean to go on. 

“Wanna go out with me friday?” Dean proposed, putting on his most charming smile. Cas looks at him properly, as if analysing his face. Dean reruns his own words through his head, and suddenly realizes how much he sounds like they’re both in highschool. That’s what you say to the cute guy you have a crush on in the boy’s locker room. Or, in the case of Dean’s very heterosexual adolescence, the chick you share fries with in the lunch hall. In any case, it’s not what you say to your husband, suddenly and without preamble, when you’re both in the same bed, having ice cream for dessert while you watch Bohemian Rhapsody.

But Cas’s smile lights up his entire face, when he answers Dean. “Of course, Dean.” And he proceeds to slip a little closer to the middle, so that Dean can have his arm around him while they watch the movie. Dean feels a warmth blooming in his insides as well. Maybe the old thing won’t ruin this for him, after all. He can still make it right. 

“It’s a date.” He mumbles, squeezing his hand. 

“I thought so too.” Cas replies, and Dean can hear his amused smile in his voice. It’s wonderful. 

“Good.” Dean beams. “I’ll meet you in the living room at seven.” After changing clothes beside you in the bedroom at six thirty, he doesn’t add, because it sounds cheesier this way, and one thing Dean’s always loved about Cas, is that the guy really does dig the textbook chick-flick moments. Almost enough that he converts Dean into it. 

*

It’s a goddamn wonder that he doesn’t look as old as he feels, Dean thinks, adjusting his tie in the bathroom mirror. He can’t remember the last time he had to wear one.

He may have wrinkles now, but when he smiles, they look just like the smile lines he’s had since forty. Got to smile more then, he notes, grinning at the mirror, and feeling satisfied with the results. 

He’s wearing a blue shirt, which is a much lighter color than Cas’s eyes are - he’s not even trying to be cheesy, but when you spend all your time looking at your husband’s spectacular eyes, you develop tendencies to compare it to everything else blue you see. And he’s trying out a new-ish fad, and wearing a tie without a blazer. It’s too hot for a blazer. But Cas likes him in ties, so he’s wearing the one Cas got him for his fifty sixth birthday.

It’s indigo, with grey stripes. Cas is wearing grey, he knows. He caught a peak when Cas picked it out of their closet. He likes that shirt.

Dean looks at himself one last time.

For all his whining, he can still clean up nice. He marches out of the bathroom, feeling a little proud of himself, and excited to find Cas. Sure, blame him for wanting to see Cas’s reaction when he checks him out.

He reaches the living room, and is stunned, momentarily. "Cas.“ He just says, without meaning to. The word rolls off his tongue, like it does a thousand times each day, and Cas turns towards him. 

He is in the grey shirt Dean anticipated, but he hadn’t been prepared for how it looked on him, and he’s rolled it up to his elbows in just the way Dean’s told him multiple times he likes - and he’s wearing jeans instead of trousers, and he’s done something to his hair that Dean has no time to process, because Cas is soon walking up to him, and Dean’s definitely losing his peripheral vision too now, fucking presbyopia - or maybe all his eyes want to do is focus on the eyes, and tune all else out.

He has no time thinking about Cas’s reaction on seeing him, not when Cas looks like this, does he?

“Good eve - Okay, hi.” Dean abruptly ends, eyes widened, as Cas reaches him, stopping unbelievably close. It’s stupid how he’s literally done everything there is to do, with this man - and his proximity still gets Dean flustered sometimes. 

“Good evening. You look breathtaking.” Cas tells him, having to look just the little bit up to meet his eyes. 

“Well, I - uh, we still got it.” Dean corrects, leaning downwards to close the gap. Cas hadn’t been expecting it - why not, Dean has no idea; but it’s fun to take him by surprise as Cas slowly melts into the sensations, and Dean only pulls away for air. 

He’s never going to get tired of kissing this man. He’s never going to have had enough. Even if it had been all he did in all of his life, till the day he breathes his last, it’s not going to be enough. Dean’s gonna get old and Cas is not, because he might not be immortal anymore, but he never learnt to start aging - and Dean’s gonna wither and fucking die someday, and all things in the world are gonna get old, but kissing Castiel? That’s never going to get old. 

Cas inhales slowly, deeply, and looks at Dean in that particular way which he reserves for Dean. Dean really fucking loves it.

“I thought we were going to go out.” He says, and the teasing is loud and clear. Dean almost gives in too. As if he’d turn down an offer to stay back in bed with him. 

“Yeah, but we aren’t roleplaying a first date.” Dean says, instead, his upstairs brain getting the better of his downstairs one. “We’re still going to be married. We still get to kiss.”

“Then why was I looking up icebreakers, earlier?” Cas grins back. 

“Because you’re a weird, dorky little guy.” Dean offers, but pulls back too. The further away he stands from Cas, the lesser is the risk of them not being able to make it to the date.

“I’m hardly little.” Cas looks satisfied enough by pointing that out, to not respond to more, and instead goes to pick up his trenchcoat. “Are we leaving now?”

“Sure, big guy.” Dean rolls his eyes. He puts on his own coat, having to stretch his back to get in it. It’s a pleasant surprise, but none of his body parts are aching presently. He’s hoping it stays this way. “I’ll drive the car out to the front. Wait outside for me?”

Cas nods, and Dean goes. He settles in the driving seat, and slides his hands down the cover of the steering wheel. “You ready to charm my date for me, Baby?” He mutters, affectionately, as the engine roars to life and soon subsides to a purr as he drives it out of the garage.

Cas gets in next to him.

“That’s fresh air.” He points out.

“I know.” Dean grins at him, sideways.

“You used an air freshener.” Cas adds. “In your car.” He pauses, as if to process. “This doesn’t smell like the house either. You used a car freshener.”

“I know.”

“You must really love me very much,” Cas jokes, and Dean’s stomach almost drops because hell, that was quick. And of course he does, kind of why he orchestrated the entire thing. He doesn’t know what to say, so he does the one-shoulder-shrug - the universal sign for, I guess.

Cas ducks his head at that, and it’s all sorts of adorable. “So.” He starts, as Dean starts to drive. “Will you tell me where we’re going?”

“You’ve had plenty of time to ask me before,” Dean remarks. “I know you like being surprised. Are you sure you want me to tell you, or is this just one of the icebreakers Buzzfeed taught you?”

Cas chuckles. “Both? And I’m not an amateur. I used Bustle.”

“Well,” Dean grins back. “It’s this newish continental place, near the bowling alley we went to on my last birthday. I looked it up on the internet after hearing of it from various sources, and they have pretty good reviews. We’ll have to try the thukpa.”

“Then we shall do so.” Cas answers.

“Yeah, place is real busy too.”

“Oh.” Cas bobs his head. “What time did you book for us?”

“Yeah, funny thing, I had a problem getting - oh, son of a bitch!” Dean suddenly pauses, horrified. The car swerves as he realizes, and stops thinking entirely. Then he’s pulling over, taking an acute turn from the middle of the road, and Cas is staring at him, trying to figure out the cause for the strange behavior. Nothing had happened on the road.

“Fuck!” He swears, still gripping the wheel. Cas is beginning to panic, asking Dean what’s wrong, on repeat. Dean doesn’t know where to begin. Horrified at himself, absolutely whitening rage - he turns to glare at Cas, though he’s only furious at himself.

“Fuck.” He repeats, for emphasis. “I forgot to make the fucking reservations.”

*

Dean storms into their house, having parked the Impala on the road, trusting Cas to follow. He keeps up, indeed, constantly asking Dean what was up with him. Dean unlocks their door frustratedly, and prances inside.

“Please sit.” He motions, waving his arm in the direction of the couch.

“We could just have driven around!” Cas protests. “Dean, I get that you’re irritated at yourself, but -”

“No.” Dean states, flatly. He sits gingerly down on the armrest of a couch, as Cas takes the other sofa. “I need to do this. We need to talk.”

For a fraction of a second, Cas’s eyes widen, and they’re a little bit worried. Frightened. It must be the pop culture affiliations that phrase has.

Dean leaps to correct himself. “No! Not like that - Never like that. You’re perfect, Cas.” He sighs. “You’re everything I could ask for.”

“And you’re upset about that.” Cas points out, blinking.

“No, idiot. I’m fucking thrilled. But I’m not.”

“So, you’re thrilled, and you’re also not thrilled.” Cas repeats, squinting at him now. Cas is leaning towards him, and Dean gets up from the armrest, and begins to walk around, to avoid Cas’s eyes.

“No. I am thrilled. I’m just not everything you could ask for.” Dean admits, with resignation. He’s tried to fight it, he’s tried to be better, he’s tried everything, but he’s old and pathetic and cannot even keep Cas assured that he loves him - as was just exhibited. He’s been doing everything wrong, for everything right that Cas does.

Cas opens his mouth to say something, but Dean goes on. “I don’t remember stuff, and I can’t do things anymore - and I creak, Cas - and you’re always so fucking okay with all of it, but you shouldn’t have to be with someone who can’t even remember to book a table for a date!”

“I told you we could’ve driven around the town, and then microwaved leftovers for dinner.” Cas throws back. “I liked that car smell.”

“You shouldn’t have to compromise!” Dean argues. “You give me everything I want. You should get everything you want too, Cas! That time, we had to cancel a date cause I lost my keys -”

“You didn’t lose them.” Cas tells him, cutting him off. Dean can’t tell exactly what mood Cas is in right now, but he sure sounds annoyed. Wow, so now Dean’s managed to do that too. Kudos to him. “And I don’t even want to go there now. Claire told me the owners were loud Republicans.”

“That’s not the point.” Dean complains, trying to remember what the point was, himself. “That afternoon! You wanted to make out, and my back was killing me, and we couldn’t -”

“I could always just kiss you now.” Cas declares, standing up, as if to prove his point.

“Not the point.” Dean hurriedly passes the opening to postpone this conversation. “Cas, I just want you to know that I wish I could be more. Like before. Or better yet. I was never enough -”

“Stop.” Cas positively yells, at this point. “I don’t care about the 'point’ you’ve conjured up, Dean. I get a say in this.” Dean’s silenced by the glare he receives. “I love you.” He begins, softening.

“I know.” Dean sighs.

“And I could not have asked for anything more than you are, Dean Winchester.” Cas takes a step towards him. Dean - okay well, he doesn’t move away, as much as he shuffles his weight to the other hip. He wants Cas to get there. “Because you’re everything.”

Dean blushes, though it’s a stupidly common line, because Cas isn’t just saying it. He’s practically emanating it. “Cas, no -”

“And you talk about not putting in an effort?” Cas rolls his eyes, and his neck goes with it. “Well, what have I been doing, then? I’ve been so comfortable with what we have, that I haven’t been initiating newer things, or asking you out, or -”

“That’s not your fault.” Dean says, shortly. “We’re not a week into dating. We’re settled, and domestic, and those are good things. If you were on your toes about us doing new things all the time, what’s the meaning of all the time we’ve spent together?”

Cas looks appalled, though Dean thinks he’s done a good job explaining it. “Awesome. You can whip out thoughtful lines like those when I talk about not putting in an effort anymore, but when it comes to you, I suddenly seem to want more?”

“Don’t you try to Dr Phil your way outta my fuck-up, Cas.” Dean warns, knowing exactly where Cas would take this.

“I don’t have to.” Cas replies. “Because it’s not your fuck-up. It’s mine. Somehow, I’ve failed to make you realize how much I -”

“You’ve not failed at anything!” Dean frowns. “I know you’re going to say you love me, and I -”

“What, you think I just say it?” Cas retorts. “There are millions of words out there, Dean. I have an exquisite vocabulary. I adore you, and I’m bewitched by you, and I cherish you, and I’m devoted to you, and I’m enchanted by you. But at the end of it all, I love you, for nothing could say it better.”

Dean doesn’t know what to say to that.

“Now, you’re going to let me apologize for allowing you to let such insecurities fester.” Cas tells him, having caught Dean in a daze. “You’ve always made me feel loved, Dean. And in these last sixteen years, you’ve made me happier than I could ever have known. You’ve smiled my bad days into better ones, and cooked meals for us to share on that little table, and you’ve let me kiss you, and make love to you, and be wedded to you, and you’ve never once let me feel alone. And since that’s what I’ve most felt, before you, I am more grateful for you than you could ever imagine.”

Dean feels his throat clog up.

“And every day, Dean, I’ve woken up knowing I love you, but gone to bed at night, next to you, somehow even more deeply in love.” Cas emphasizes. He’s standing much closer to Dean now.

“And I cannot believe I’ve never said this aloud, for I think about it all the time.” Cas swears, his tone delicate. “But you’ve grown and changed so much, that it’s that much easier to love you now. It was always too simple, but little by little, you’ve molded into all my nooks, and filled every strange-shaped crevice of everything I ever wanted.”

Dean’s lips tremble, as he buries his face in Cas’s neck, and lets Cas hug him close. He feels a tear slip down his face, but it doesn’t matter, because Cas’s arms are around him, pulling him close, and he can just pause, and listen, and breathe Cas in.

“I don’t know how long it took, the first go-around, as you call it. Maybe I fell in love with you when I rebuilt you, or when I fought with you against Heaven, or by that river in Purgatory.” Cas whispers, words a little garbled as they’re spoken into the fabric of Dean’s shirt. “But if I had met you today, I would’ve fallen in love with you in a day.”

Dean lets out a choked sound, he wants to believe is a scoff. “You only had to ask if you wanted me to have a dad-bod, buddy. Back then, I mean.”

“You’re nicer to hug.” Cas justifies, and on cue, holds on tighter. “But it’s all the other things too. Now, you -”

“Please. Stop, Cas.” Dean begs, and it’s only a little bit of a joke. “If you go on anymore, I’m going to have to sit down, and then I’m not going to be able to get up, without being vastly unattractive about it.”

“You’re ridiculous.” Cas informs him, pulling away to look at him better. “But fine. We can finish this conversation later.”

“And I can tell you more of my side,” Dean looks down at the floor, embarrassed. “Without you rambling off poetry about our relationship, and making it all sappy like you love to do.”

“Only if you aren’t determined to fault yourself.” Cas conditions, smiling now. He’s so beautiful.

“But I -”

“Dean.” Cas scowls, and Dean shrugs, quieting down. “Only if you swear to skip to the part where we talk about how to help you overcome this. Because, I’m sorry, but it’s not me who feels what you think I feel, at all.”

“Shuddup.” Dean mutters.

There’s a silence, a warm and comfortable one. Cas smiles, again, little but pleasant - and Dean mirrors it. He loves Cas so much. And Cas loves him.

“Date nights.” He blurts. “We could do date nights.”

“Of course.” Cas looks amused, but in a good way. “I think we could pull those off.”

“Let’s have them thursdays.” Dean smirks, and Cas grins.

“Good choice.”

“And let’s go on a vacation.” Dean suggests, suddenly. The pressure is gone, but the adrenaline hasn’t worn off. Their entire future seems to be a sky of possibilities. To make each other feel loved, and to be happy. To put in efforts, without making it a big deal. They can do this. “Let’s go to a beach. Out of the country. We could go on a cruise.”

Cas beams. “I would like that, yes.”

“And -” Dean stops himself, blushing.

“Yes?” Cas urges.

Dean squirms.

“- would you like for me to choose more panties for you?” Cas says, tentatively, at the same time that Dean says, “I want to dye my hair.”

Dean lets out a nervous chuckle, as Cas’s eyebrows go up. “Both?”

“Both.” Cas nods, stepping closer again, but this time it’s not a hug, as his hands go around Dean’s middle, but his head doesn’t go on his shoulder. Dean’s the one who closes the gap, exhilarated.

They’ve got this.

*

And as they eventually fall back on one of the couches, Cas straddling Dean because he’s the only one of them who can still do that - Dean remembers that they never pulled the curtains down, and moves to stop Cas.

“Curtain.” He pants. “Could you -” Cas doesn’t seem to get it, and continues to lavish kisses on his clavicle. “Cas.” Dean groans. “The window, please. No one wants to see two old geezers getting sweet on each other through the window.”

“Maybe exhibitionism would rekindle the spark you claim is dead for me.” Cas mocks. “And I prefer lovely, married couple. Less old, less geezer.”

“Sure you do.” Dean laughs back, burying his face in Cas’s chest. “You’re a billion years ancient ex-wave, and I’m definitely a geezer, but sure you prefer lovely, married couple.” Cas’s laughter rumbles through him, and Dean can feel it too.

And just like that, it’s pretty frigging perfect - the sixty 'round the corner be damned.

[nerianasims]

Billboard #1s 1976

Under the cut.

Bay City Rollers – “Saturday Night” -- January 3, 1976

They prove they can spell Saturday a lot. Anyway, he's going out to dance with his girl on Saturday night. The song is bouncy to a fault -- I feel like the repetitive, samey beat is following one of those balls the mind-controlled kids bounced in A Wrinkle in Time. It sounds like a cheerleading chant. Something to do aerobics to, not to dance to.

C.W. McCall – “Convoy” -- January 10, 1976

So, besides the cb radio fad, 1976 was also the year of the OPEC oil crisis and basically, it seems the reason truckers became folk heroes evading The Man in popular consciousness had its roots in international relations. Anyway, it's a baritone story song, but about truckers instead of cowboys. I like the verse, "Well, we shot the line and we went for broke/ With a thousand screamin' trucks/ An' eleven long-haired Friends o' Jesus/ In a chartreuse micro-bus." It's a silly song with a lot of trucker lingo (or fake trucker lingo, idk), and I don't exactly dislike it, but I'm not gonna listen to it again either.

Barry Manilow – “I Write The Songs” -- January 17, 1976

It's obvious from the first lines "I've been alive forever/ And I wrote the very first songs" that Barry's not singing about himself. It turns out "music" wrote the all the songs. Except that's obnoxious too. People wrote the songs. Also possibly birds, but definitely people. And it's musical goo.

Diana Ross – “Theme From Mahogany (Do You Know Where You’re Going To)” -- January 24, 1976

It's a song about regretting letting an ex go, and probably more. There's a ton of orchestration that sounds like it belongs in a lightweight movie, and Diana Ross doesn't put much emotion into it. It is a thoughtful song, rather than one calling for melodrama, but I would like to hear some emotion here, and I am not getting it. A trifle light as air.

Ohio Players – “Love Rollercoaster” -- January 31, 1976

It's a funk/disco thing. I've listened to it three times trying to get anything from it at all. The lyrics are dumb, asserting love is like this or that amusement park experience. I'd think "love rollercoaster" would be about how there are huge highs and terrifying lows, but it's not. It's horribly repetitive. I guess it's danceable. But I find it dull.

Paul Simon – “50 Ways To Leave Your Lover” -- February 7, 1976

I love how pared down this song is. It's sort of funky, without all the funk orchestration. The simple drums are the main focus. The melody's also simple, without being dull. And the lyrics aren't complex; a woman is encouraging the narrator to leave his official lover for her. "Just get yourself free." But she's doing it so very nicely -- "I wish there were something I could do to make you smile again." Not that the song expects us to believe she or the narrator actually are nice. Or that it's really all that easy to leave your lover. But it doesn't tell you what to think about the situation either. An excellent song.

Rhythm Heritage – “Theme From S.W.A.T.“ -- February 28, 1976

Apparently, there was a TV show about S.W.A.T., and this was its instrumental theme song. Which is exactly what it sounds like. Not a good TV theme either. I looked up 1976 shows, and here are some shows with better TV themes from that year: Charlie's Angels, Alice, M*A*S*H, Happy Days (which surprisingly only hit #5), All in the Family, Barney Miller, Welcome Back Kotter (which hit #1 later), The Jeffersons (that Movin' On Up doesn't seem to have been a hit is shocking), The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Sanford and Son, The Bob Newhart Show... look, all of them. All shows in 1976 that I can find had better theme songs than S.W.A.T., often to a staggering degree. But songs don't reach #1 for being good. Still, usually I can hazard a reason for them. I can't for this one.

The Four Seasons – “December, 1963 (Oh, What A Night)” -- March 13, 1976

It's about the narrator getting laid for the first time. He didn't even know the name of the woman, which completely undercuts anything happy or fun about this song for me, and makes it icky. At least it's not falsetto. I wasn't born when it came out, yet it was overplayed on the oldies stations in the 90s so much that I developed a deep and abiding hatred for it.

Johnnie Taylor – “Disco Lady” -- April 3, 1976

This is a song about disco that isn't a disco song. As such, it confuses me. It's kind of a mild funk/soul song, and it's about how turned on this guy is watching a woman disco. Johnnie Taylor can definitely sing, and I'd like to hear some more traditional soul/jazz stuff from him. This isn't doing it for me.

The Bellamy Brothers – “Let Your Love Flow” -- May 1, 1976

I saw the title and immediately the song shoved itself into my head. It's such a mellow song, but the hook is still monstrous. The song is about how it's the season for love, so grab your lover and "let your love flow." It's one of many 70s songs about sex that sounds like it could be a song about how pretty trees are. It kind of is about how pretty trees are too. I rather like it.

John Sebastian – “Welcome Back” -- May 8, 1976

Welcome Back, Kotter was not on Nick at Nite or WGN or anything else that ran old TV shows when I was watching TV (rather than the internet), so I've never seen it. The theme song lays it all out -- someone moves back to his old neighborhood, where they need him. As TV theme songs go, it's fine. Just fine, though. When "Movin' On Up" and "Love Is All Around" were also theme songs for TV shows in 1976, why this one? The rewards of mediocrity I guess.

The Sylvers – “Boogie Fever” -- May 15, 1976

It's literal. You come in contact with someone who can't stop boogie-ing, and you will catch the Boogie Fever yourself. Listening to the song will certainly make you want to boogie, unless you are immune. A fun dance song, and I wouldn't be surprised if Tik-Tok made it a hit again in the next year.

Wings – “Silly Love Songs” -- May 22, 1976

"Some people want to fill the world with silly love songs / What’s wrong with that?" Nothing.  Paul even emphasizes something important in it: "Love isn't silly at all." Still, I can't say it's one of my favorites. I get tired of it about halfway through, and it's a long song. A silly love song shouldn't be nearly 6 minutes long.

Diana Ross – “Love Hangover” -- May 29, 1976

It starts with Diana Ross making sex sounds that I find embarrassing. Then she goes into singing about how she doesn't want to get over "the sweetest love hangover", and a minute and a half in it becomes a disco song. I find the entire thing irritating.

Starland Vocal Band – “Afternoon Delight” -- July 10, 1976

"Afternoon delight" is sex, but these doofuses may as well be singing about tea and scones for all the excitement this song has. It still doesn't deserve the hatred it's gotten. But it's not good either. The number of sexless sex songs in the 70s is just... ugh.

The Manhattans – “Kiss And Say Goodbye” -- July 24, 1976

He has to break up with the person he's been cheating with. It's an achingly sad Philly soul song. It also manages to be way sexier than the vast majority of 70s sex songs. Real emotion (or the ability to fake real emotion) does a lot, as does being able to sing like this. And beautiful backing music. It's so sad, and so good.

Elton John & Kiki Dee – “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart” -- August 7, 1976

This song isn't mutual. Elton John's the one who sings "don't go breaking my heart," and Kiki Dee's the one singing "I won't go breaking your heart." It is all and entirely and completely about the male character's feelings. Of course it's an Elton John song so I wouldn't like it anyway, but I really don't like this one, especially because it still gets airplay.

Bee Gees – “You Should Be Dancing” -- September 4, 1976

I hate the Bee Gees. Not on a personal level -- as far as I know they're perfectly decent people -- but their music. And I have a particular hatred for Barry Gibb's voice. His horrible falsetto has caused me immense pain in my life. If I should be dancing, then they need to shut up and sit down and let a band that I can dance to take the stage. As it is, I feel like a dog during the 4th of July; I just want to hide under a bed.

KC & The Sunshine Band – “(Shake, Shake, Shake) Shake Your Booty” -- September 11, 1976

Here's a command to dance that I can get behind. Or that my behind can get behind. Again, a great song for dancing but not for listening to from KC & The Sunshine Band.

Wild Cherry – “Play That Funky Music” -- September 18, 1976

Good for both dancing and listening. How you can listen and not get into that funk groove even when sitting, though, I don't know. Play that funky music till you die.

Walter Murphy & The Big Apple Band – “A Fifth Of Beethoven” -- October 9, 1976

This was the #1 hit the week I was born. It's a good one for me; it's by a guy who loved classical music enough to write contemporary music based on it. Whenever I'm faced with questions about what kind of music is my favorite, my answer is "the good kind." Anyway, this is a fun song.

Rick Dees And His Cast Of Idiots – “Disco Duck (Part 1)” -- October 16, 1976

Billboard used to base their hit songs on calling record stores and asking what was selling. I think that's how this stupid, stupid song reached number one. I think it was a prank by a bunch of stoned college kids who co-ordinated it over cb radio or something. It's about a duck. Who discos. With an obnoxious voice and obnoxious music. It's by a radio dj, and is as painfully unfunny as radio djs usually are.

Chicago – “If You Leave Me Now” -- October 23, 1976

This song makes me have a weird reaction. It gives me the warm, comfortable fuzzies, and makes me want to sleep. That last part might not be too surprising, as it is a soft song, but to me it is very much more than that. I have always had trouble sleeping at night, since birth. My parents hit on putting me into the car and driving around with soft music playing to get me to go lights out. I need to ask them if they played Chicago during that. I can't think of any other reason for my hindbrain association with this szzzzzzz....

Steve Miller Band – “Rock’n Me” -- November 6, 1976

Good bar rock, since it's the Steve Miller Band. Lyrically, it's also more complex than most of its genre. At first, he sings "I got to please my sweet baby, yeah." Then he starts singing about all the places he's been, including "Northern California where the girls are warm." And then "Babe, you know you are a friend of mine/ And you know that it's true/ That all the things that I do/ Are gonna come back to you in your sweet time." Well then. I can totally see @katatty's Duncan Huckleberry singing this song. And getting away with everything. It's a fun song, though (because?) the narrator is likely a dirtbag.

Rod Stewart – “Tonight’s The Night (Gonna Be Alright)” -- November 13, 1976

It's a sex song, and it is hugely skeevy. "Don't deny your man's desire/ You’d be a fool to stop this tide / Spread your wings and let me come inside." No, asshole, cover it up if you want to come near. And how about if you want her, you care something about her desire? This was a huge hit from a huge star, but I have never heard it until now. Ugh. I need to shower, this is gross. Also I hope whoever he's singing to is packing mace.

BEST OF 1976 -- "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover." I don't even think it's an amazing song, just a very good one, but the 1976 #1s don't leave me much to work with. Fleetwood Mac released some singles, but people wanted "Disco Duck" rather than "Over My Head." Tons of great music has survived from 1976, but most of it is not on this list. WORST OF 1976 -- "Tonight's the Night (Gonna Be Alright)". "Disco Duck" is stupid, but it doesn't make my skin crawl.

[meetevieinthehallway]

cus y’laugh is pretty.

in which harry gets his wisdom teeth removed.

-

harry isn’t a fan of drugs.

not like that— the medicinal drugs that they put you under for surgeries, or even the ones that take away headaches.

specifically— the ones that alter the mind and consciousness.

first of all, he doesn’t like needles and he doesn’t understand people who don’t get bothered by them; he thinks it’s absurd someone is okay with a large, sharp object impaling at their skin and altering their immune system.

and the effects they have!

it’s a freaky fucking way to put something helpful into someone’s body.

second of all, he doesn’t like pain. nobody does— but harry fears pain and has crazy anxiety about its intensity, its severity. he’s never had a cavity in his fucking life so he has never really experienced a toothache, what if this is the worst pain i’ve ever felt? it worries him sick and he hasn’t been sleeping well for the past couple days, waking from dreams where he was in the dentist chair and there’s needles and tools and they pinched at his flesh but they didn’t truly numb his nerves and he could feel everything going on—

third of all, he doesn’t like the idea of not having control over his own being, his mind loose and free and with no filter. harry is a man of calculated speech; he chooses his words with care and makes sure they are impactful before they are released. his tediousness and careful words only intensified as he grew in fame— he can’t slip up in the media when he possesses the spotlight.

drugs like these ones—the ones being injected with a tiny needle into his fucking arm—are just keys able to access the locked depths of harry’s mind.

forget the control aspect— the fact that harry won’t even remember how he acts under drugs freaks him out; he won’t know what he said, how he said it.

what if i say something completely inappropriate?!

well fuck, he’s always thinking raunchy or romantically about his fiancée—

what if i embarrass myself? or even her! oh god—

it was these thoughts and nerves that cause harry’s knee to bounce up and down in the waiting room chair, his fingers twitching at the material at his thighs. his eyes have been downcast since they checked in, eyebrows furrowed as he dazes off at the tile floor, worries and concerns and nerves swirling in the pit of his stomach.

he doesn’t want to do it.

he really doesn’t.

i can’t do it.

but another hand rests on top of his, causing his leg to halt and for his eyes to break over next to him.

his lovie is looking at him with soft eyes, her lips pouting. harry gazes at her, his eyes blinking as she thread her fingers through his, pulling their hands into her lap. she’s fiddling with his fingers, twirling his rings and rubbing his knuckles.

“you shouldn’t be so scared, bub.”

he bites his lip.

“you’re gonna be fine, okay?”

he shakes his head, putting his eyes back on the ground, his leg beginning to bounce again.

“harry.”

he looks at her again. her eyes are pleading for him to go through with it—and god, he doesn’t want to disappoint her in any way—but he is so fucking terrified that he might just have to get up and leave.

“please don’t make me.”

his voice is cracking and breaking so sadly and although his brain is moving too wildly to produce any tears, his eyes are glossed over and her hand is squeezed extremely tightly in his,

she’s never seen him this way.

her fiancé is a strong and confident man—for the love of god, he’s worn pink and floral suits and has pranced around like a lunatic—who doesn’t typically let something like this bother him.

he’s been a mess for days— she had to physically pull him out of bed this morning because he refused to get up, mumbling that he wanted to take a rain check. she coaxed him with the promise of starbucks on the way, and he was dumb enough to only notice her trickery when she drove straight to the dentist office, murmuring in a fake-sad voice that oh, i forgot, you can’t eat or drink before this, h!

he hasn’t looked at her since. not until now— with sad eyes that purely begged to just take me home.

she sighs. “bubby.” she turns her body to face him completely. “it’s starting to impact your other teeth and jaw. if they aren’t removed, it’s gonna be detrimental.” her hand cards through his hair.

“b-but… can’t i do it without anesthesia?” he murmurs, his other hand joining in holding hers. “’s scary. people...— people die from anesthesia! i don’t wanna die i—”

“it’s best for you to be put to sleep.” she whispers gently, a hand coming to his cheek to hold his eyes to hers. “with how anxious they know you are… with the pain and everything, h.” she touches his face. “you also have six wisdom teeth, baby, so it’s a bit more complicated.”

he exhales loudly, turning his face. his hands loosen around her palm, breath sighing and hands moving to ruffle his hair.

“harry.” she says sadly.

he doesn’t look at her.

“i love you, and i promise,” she whispers. “you’re going to do absolutely amazing. and ‘m gonna spoil the fuck out of you with cuddles, ice cream and your favorite films.”

he mumbles, dejected, “don’t want ice cream.”

“popsicles then.”

“hmph.”

“even the orange ones...” she coos, and he looks at hers.

“t-the... the orange ones i like?”

“mhm.”

“from th’shop across town?”

she looks a him with gentle eyes, nodding.

harry’s lips pull into a small, lip-trembling, hesitating smile. “okay.”

“okay.” she smiles.

it’s quiet, the only sound the waiting room elevator style music, and he cringes. the room is such a stark white that it’s hurting his eyes, stinging his head and he sighs through his nose.

then his mind drifts.

it drifts off into more pessimism, the excitement for his favorite treat vanishing away as he thinks and thinks.

he remembers back on those loopy videos that he had rewatched incessantly, eyes wide as he bit his lip as the man throws a literal fit in the car, swollen cheeks and a muffled screaming voice.

his love had told him to stop watching them but he didn’t listen, and now he’s sitting here in a stupid waiting room and his brain is rambling because he doesn’t know what he will say when he has no control over his body—

“do you promise to forgive me if i say something inappropriate?” he bites his lip.

she breaks into soft giggles, nodding furiously and squeezing his hand. “absolutely.”

“y’sure?”

“course i am.”

“even if—”

“harry styles?”

the world goes a bit fuzzy as they’re pulled out of their conversation.

they both look and turn towards the soft voice, a dental hygienist in blue scrubs smiling at them brightly. her eyes and smile are warm, welcoming even, and it did nothing to aid harry’s pain and worry.

harry looks at his love and stares at her eyes. they are confident and strong, and at least if he isn’t okay, she is.

he hopes he will be.

he leans over the arm of the chair and kisses her cheek softly, slowly, pulling back and wetting his lips with his tongue. “hold my hand till i fall asleep?” his voice is pleading and quiet.

her eyes flicker to his, head nodding slowly. “of course.”

and that’s all he needed.

so he stands slowly, smiling small at the woman.

he takes his lovie’s hand and pulls her close to his side.

and together, they walk down the hallway after her.

—

“lovie!”

her head snaps up, her coloring book app on her phone forgotten the moment that her eyes land on her fiancé.

oh, boy.

here he is—the man she can proudly call hers—smiling greatly and stumbling with his long limbs despite the dentist holding up eighty percent of his body weight. his arm is strewn in an open gesture, silently requesting a hug from his favorite person, his other arm around the struggling dentist’s shoulders. she stands quickly, hurrying over, biting back a smile at his giggling and his coos. she brings his other arm over her shoulders, helping the dentist hold and walk him. his face immediately bends down and nuzzles into her neck, his voice cooing and humming.

“my lovie.”

he picks his head up and stares at her intently, a dopey smile stretching his swollen cheeks.

she turns to look at him briefly, doing a double take when she realizes how he dreamingly he’s staring at her. “hi” he drawles, moving his head again, this time to nuzzle his face into the top of her hair.

“hi, bub.” she laughs. “gotta help us get you to the car, alright?”

“okie dokie.” he murmurs, picking up his feet only a slight bit more, lazily feigning a march as they left through the door of the dentist’s office.

maintaining to get a six-foot-something groggy and giggly man—arguably child—into the passenger seat is more of a challenge than she originally thought. it’s a mess of unmoving limbs and a stubborn whiny voice and knocking-together-knees, and his love and the dentist both are out of breath by the time his butt hits the leather seat. when he is finally in and situated, he pouts, telling his girl that he doesn’t wanna sit, through a muffled whiny voice from the gauze filling his cheeks.

“’s my car!” he whines, stomping his feet on the floor of the vehicle. “can i drive?”

“no.”

another whine.

“why not?”

“because i wanna be home in one piece.”

she closes the door gently, turning to face his dentist with humored eyes as the man chokes back a breathy laugh. “thought you guys reversed the drugs towards the end?”

the dentist laughs. “poor kid was freaking out so bad, i thought we should just... let him be blissful for as long as possible.”

she smiles, giggling, “you left me with a handful.”

she turns, looking over her shoulder, and she snorts and holds back more laughs when she sees her love staring at her through the tinted window, pouting, his hand pressed to the glass. the tip of his nose is smushed there as well, gently rubbed against the surface as he whines.

the doctor holds back a laugh. “he should be okay, he’ll most likely fall asleep and wake up fine.”

she grins, shaking her head.

after she is done discussing final details with him, she slides herself in the car, sighing lightly and turning to her fiancé.

she furrows her eyebrows.

his arms are crossed in front of his chest, puffy lips pouting and his knees pulled toward one another.

“what is it, bubby?”

he mumbles quietly, voice slurring and lisping.

“what was that?”

“th’dentist took ’m’tongue.” he mumbles softly, words jumbling together. “’s gone.” he frowns.

she snorts.

“your tongue isn’t gone, h.” she leans over the car, grabbing his seatbelt and crossing it over his frame. “’s right in there, sweet.”

he pouts at her, fingers reaching to touch his cheek and mouth. “can’t feel it, feels funny.”

she giggles. “it’s supposed to.” she pries his hand away, putting it in her own palm.

“feels like a balloon.”

she shifts the car in drive and pulls out onto the road, shaking her head with an endeared smile. he simply was adorable like this, widened eyes of wonder and a childish voice that questions every sense around him. he’s pointing at trees and dogs on the roads and gasping and giggling at everyone and everything.

then he quiets, and she is driving a while before feeling harry’s gaze on her cheek. she turns, smiling when he gives her a big dopey smile, giggling and babbling at nothing, bouncing his head to some imaginary music.

“you okay, harry?” she glances at him again.

his lips instantly turn down. the hand that has been clasped in her fingers is immediately pulled away, a wounded and offended look casting over his face. his eyes stare at her, wide, as they water quickly and he sniffles. she’s instantly alarmed, her own eyes going wide at him as she pulls up to a red light and looks over.

“what’s wrong, hm?” she coos at him. “are you hurtin?”

“no.” he sniffles, shaking his head and blinking rapidly.

“what is it?” she murmurs softly, her hand failing in its attempts to grasp his.

“harry.” he whimpers, gauze slipping up to the corner of his lips and muffling his voice.

“what?”

he tucks his hands into his chest, shielding them away from her grasp. “’m not harry.”

“you’re not harry?” she’s so confused.

his eyes stare at her, wide, upset and astonished at how obvious the answer was. “m’name’s not harry!”

her eyebrows furrow. “what’s your name, then?”

he scoffs, mumbling how utterly unbelievable this is. “bubby!”

silence.

she erupts into giggles. she can’t help it, because he looked so devastated over something so ridiculous.

“you call me bubby. buh-bee.” he pouts, voice whining and eyes spilling out tears. “that’s m’name.”

“you’re right, bub. you’re right. i’m sorry.” she says through a fit of giggles.

his eyes narrow at her, and he looks genuinely offended. “why are you laughin’ at me?” he slurs, frowning at her profile.

“nothing, nothing. all is okay.” she grins. “’m not laughing at you.”

“’m your husband. y’can’t laugh at me.”

“oh?” she giggles.

“m-hm. ’s in the rules.”

she glances at him. “the rules?”

“mhm. the marriage rules.”

“yeah? what else is in the rules?”

he huffs, looking out the window as he thinks. his drugged mind makes him feel really floaty, so he is drunkenly pulling all of his energy in to think as his body is swaying as he genuinely ponders through his altered mind.

“y’have to make me brownies.” he says seriously.

she quirks an eyebrow and shoots another glance his way, a smile gracing her lips. “i hafta bake brownies for you?”

“mhm. every day.” he looks at her. “with the— the big chocolate chips i like.”

he’s speaking absolute nonsense and she doesn’t know how to contain her laughs.

“anything else in the marriage rules?”

silence.

“i get t’eat you out every day.”

silence.

she cackles.

her body jolts forward violently and her laughs transform to heavy breaths, and she’s giggling so intensely that her abdomen throbs, arm crossing her stomach as she tries to slow her breathing.

“y’laughing again!!”

he yells at her with a childlike voice, and she holds back another round of laughter as he sounds upset.

“i’m not i’m not... just— saw something funny outside.”

his green eyes are swimming with a drunkeness she’s never seen.

“that’s a lie!”

“i’m not laughing.” she grins at him. “promise.”

he huffs at her, arms folding back over his chest. “sounds like y’are.”

“’m not, bubby.”

harry’s eyes light at the name, and he fails to hide it, his emotions conflicted between happiness and detestment as he looks at his girl. on one hand, she’s laughing at him and that’s just... mean. and on the other—

his hand slowly slides back into her palm, a small smile on his lips starting to hum as he looks out the window.

she smiles, rolling her eyes at his antics and continuing to drive.

it’s quiet for a couple miles, besides the humming from his throat and the raspberries he’s blowing into the air.

then he gasps loudly, causing her to jump.

“lovie!”

she breathes, “yes?”

“i-i—” he stammers, unsure of how to word his sentence. “do— do you realize what just happened?”

“uh... what d’you mean, love?”

“l-like… that guy just… stole m’teeth!”

here we go again.

“didn’t steal them, bub.”

“well then—” he challenges, “where did they go?”

“on... on a vacation.” she says quickly, hoping it would settle his questions.

“...how come m’teeth get a vacation and i don’t?”

“not a good vacation, love. they were bothering you, so they had to go.” her voice is soft, gently suggesting so she wouldn’t have to tell his drunken mind that they ripped his teeth from his skull.

well, harry has to think about that.

he sits back in his seat, eyebrows furrowed as he mumbles to himself. he touches his lip before she mumbles a stern “hey.” and bats his hand away, his eyes going wide in realization.

“he’s like superman.” he mumbles, awed.

“who is?”

“m’dentist. superdentist.”

his fiancée starts laughing at his seriousness, giggles spilling from her lips. harry looks to her and starts chuckling as well, their laughs blending in the air of the car. she pauses, her giggles dying down slowly.

“why are you laughing?”

“cus y’laugh is pretty.” he grins cheesily, his feet swinging in the space of the car floor. “makes m’smile.” his voice is like a child’s— giggly and adorable and sheepish, his cheeks flushing with pink.

she grins at him, shaking her head gently.

“can i sleep?” he slurs, eyes fluttering and body starting to lean backwards into his seat.

“yeah, baby. y’need help reclining?”

“nuh uh.”

“are you sure?—”

she’s cut off by a snore.

a loud snore that she quickly looks towards, snorting when she sees her love’s face pressed against the glass of the window, body slumped. his heavy breathing increases the deeper he falls asleep, her lips letting out soft laughs at his behavior.

she shakes her head, turning to face the road.

oh, just wait until he hears everything he missed.

[smhtaehyung]

when all daisies disappear🌼|| chapter 16

• masterlist

• Pairing: taehyung x OC (mental hospital au)

• Genre: angst, fluff, smut, romance

• Word count: 4.7k

• Warning: swearing, will contain themes such as suicidal thoughts,depression and mentions of physical violence. Some of the backstory for Taehyung’s character is taken from the BTS concepts during the hyyh era. If you feel uncomfortable with the topic of mental illness, I advise you not to read further.

•••

chapter 16 ➸ 12🌼

It was day 2 after our passionately driven and heated night. Today, Tehyung pleaded me to go tonight. I agreed, feeling quite scared and unprepared. The truth was, no confidence could ever prepare me to leave this hospital. I was scared, lost, confused, but saw future in Taehyung's persuasions. Taehyung also barely slept those previous two nights, cuddling me up as he thought about our plan all those hours. No daisies were added to his side of the room, that I so oftenly spent time at and he surely forgot about all the pain as he cuddled me up to his chest. I've been looking at Jiyu for the entire day, hating the fact she doesn't know what's about to happen. Even looking at Minjee's smiles brings out a pained sting inside of my chest.

But the plan was definitely thought through, as much as it could be. First, and most important step was to not take any medication today. Taehyung wasn't supervised when he was taking the pills, so he easily hid them under his tongue. Jiyu's eyes kept staring me as I would take my medication, so Taehyung distracted her by his charming personality. She looked at him directly and that helped me spit out the pills onto my palm and put them inside my pocket. When her attention was turned to me, I opened my mouth as she looked inside of it, making me swirl my tongue so that she could make sure. I felt really bad as soon as I walked away with a relieved Taehyung next to me. Second step was to wait for the nurses to do their last check of rooms before going home. Till they do that, we would slowly start to pack, taking things that were only completely necessary for us to bring along. The third step would include waiting for the night guard to completely fall asleep, a maximum of an hour at the beginning of his shift. And the last, fourth step, was to kiss Taehyung and hope our plan would work out as we would quietly sneak out of the hospital.

"Mouse? You all packed up?" I questioned him as I observed his focused face on the objects and clothing next to him. I glanced at the clock, showing 11:51 PM. "Yeah, I'm trying to take things with me that are most important." He spoke, his focus on a light brown gym bag in front of him. "White shirts and pants?" I questioned. "Check." He quickly spoke, putting them inside the gym bag. "Underwear?" I curiously questioned. "Check." He giggled and put a few pairs inside. "Your sanitizing stuff?" I spoke, making him immediately nod. "Of course." He spoke and waited for me to continue. "Some money?" I asked. "Check." He spoke distantly, checking the money inside his pockets. "Food?" I questioned. "Some of it. You got some too inside you bag, right?" He spoke as he pointed to my black gym back. "Yeah." I immediately nodded. He stood quiet again, waiting for my question. I looked down and softly smiled. "Daisies?" I whispered, making his lips curl into a smile. "Only 12 of them. The ones you added a few days ago. They're the freshest ones. And the ones in your envelopes, but I think they're all withered by now." He quietly spoke, sounding a bit discouraged. I walked over to him and softly placed my hand on his cheek. I pecked his upper lip. "It's okay, Mouse. We'll pick out some daisies if we find a field when we're out." I smiled and detached my fingers from his soft cheek, barely being able to move my hand away.

He nodded and sent a smile my way. “Did you bring your letters?” He asked me, deeply staring into m eyes. “Yeah. To make more space, I had to move them out of the boxes and tie them up with ribbons. Thankfully, I managed to fit it all inside with my clothes and other stuff.” I explained and earned an acknowledgement nod from Taehyung. “You have some money too?” He questioned as I focused on zipping my bag up. “Yeah.” I slightly hesitated and answered, not wanting to tell him how I got more money. “You didn’t steal it, right?” He questioned, slight timidness showing in his voice. I slightly gulped and pretended I had to check something in my bag. “No.” I lied, trying to seem confident. “You wouldn’t lie to me, right?” He spoke in such a soft tone, it made my chest clench in pain over my lies. I shut my eyes tightly for a second, feeling pain and guilt slowly wash over me. “I wouldn’t.” I spoke and gathered some weak boldness as I faked a smile as soon as I spoke. “Okay.” He spoke in a unreadable tone, making me feel slightly scared and nervous. I tried to switch the topic fast. “Are we going to leave like-now?” I asked, making him slightly raise his eyebrows. “You can’t go outside wearing that t-shirt only. You’ll get cold. Take my sweater you so fondly took hold of.” He teased me, making my face slightly heat up. “Don’t be like that!” I exclaimed in slight embarrassment. I pulled out his sweater from my bag and put it onto myself, immediately feeling warmth come to me. Taehyung pulled me closer to him by holding my hips, his palm clenching for only a brief second. “Do you remember that?” He asked with a smirk, his eyes smiling at me too. I nodded and felt him kiss my cheek, making me giggle at his sudden action. “I mean, we had some nice moments in here.” He whispered as I held him by his neck. “Yeah. Definitely.” I spoke, both of us reminiscing about our days and nights in this place. “What’s your favourite moment?” I asked, focused on his perky ears that slightly twitched upon hearing my gentle voice. “Well, we’re standing on it.” He explained in a not understandable way, making me furrow my eyebrows in confusion. “We kissed the first time, right on this spot - only crunched down on the floor.” He spoke and looked down, giggling to himself. 

“And look at us now.” I slightly teased, making him show his signature boxy smile. I observed his lips for a few seconds before a wondering thought invaded my brain. “Would you consider yourself cured from your phobia?” I questioned him, stroking his cheek with my thumb. He looked up and started thinking about it. He hummed in a wondering tone, before moving his eyes down to mine and opening his mouth to speak. “I’m almost completely immune when I’m touching you, but if it were somebody else I don’t think I’d be able to handle that.” He spoke truthfully as I kissed the top of his nose. “You’re doing well, Mouse.” I praised him, making him feel all shy and flustered. “But, when you think about it-” He randomly spoke, making me snap my attention completely to his words. “We were supposed to have our touch therapy tomorrow, but isn’t that a bit ironic now?” Taehyung giggled in a dirty way, his hand sneaking down to gently grope my ass. I cover my face with my hands. “You little-” i tried to insult him but he cut off my words with a kiss planted onto my lips. “Let’s go.” He softly spoke, letting go of me. A sudden nervousness washed over me as he picked his bag up so carelessly. He already stood by the door, waiting for me. “You okay?” He asked in a worried tone once he saw my facial expression. “Uh? Y-yeah.” I mumbled and zipped my bag up completely, carrying it on my shoulder. I adjusted my backpack so it wouldn’t be a bother to my back too much. I walked over to the door and grabbed the doorknob. “Don’t be scared. You have me.” He spoke in a bright tone, making me feel somewhat at ease. I nodded a forced a comforting smile out. I quietly opened the door, peaking my head out. The guard was sound asleep, his back even turned to us. I took one last look inside the room on my bed where my letter to Jiyu was at. More of a note actually. A note that somehow tried to express tremendous gratitude and an apology, that just wasn’t enough and it never would be enough for running away like this.

“He’s deep asleep. Let’s go.“ I whispered and turned off the lights of the room. I opened the door fully, so Taehyung wouldn’t need to touch it. He entered the hallway as I quietly closed the door. Thankfully, the alarm of the ward was turned off, like many times, making all of us confused when realising such a thoughtlessness of it. Mouse walked in front of me, grabbing my hand as he guided us close to the wall. We slightly squatted and walked like that, making sure no light would hit us where we would appear visible in this dark hallway. We walked to the reception desk where his feet rested up on the counter, showing off his black polished shoes that desperately tried to look not worn off like they already were. Taehyung made eye contact with me immediately as he noticed the guard sightly shifting in his sleep. His eyes widened and the grip on my hand got stronger, both of our hearts stopping for a brief second in complete panic. We waited for a few more seconds until it was safe and quietly sneaked our way around the reception desk. “Let’s go.“ I sighed out and motioned for him to move. We slowly started to straighten our backs as we walked, getting to the end of the hallway. We walked to the ward exit, the light from the main hallway outside being our only source of light. We stood by the door, glancing at each other. I grabbed the heavy doorknob, getting ready to open it before both of us flinched upon hearing light steps walking to us. Mouse and I immediately caught eye contact with each other, busted written all over our faces.

"Guys?" We heard a familiarly soft voice speak. "Where are you going?" The same voice broke off  the heavy silence. I turned my head, nervousness washing all over me. “Minjee? What are you doing here, kiddo?” I softly whispered, hoping she wouldn’t make much noise. She was rubbing her tired out eyes trying to get a clear view of us. “Taehyung? What are you guys doing?” She softly spoke, making him nervously peek over to the reception if the guard woke up or not. “Minjee. Please whisper.” I whispered to her, getting closer. “We’re...uhm...we’re leaving.” I spoke, feeling my heart drop at the loss of words and explanations. Taehyung stared at the both of us, hating the fact she caught us like this because he knew it would break her heart in two.

"W-what? What do you mean?" She spoke, almost not whispering which made both Taehyung and I flinch in slight worry. "You guys can't leave." She spoke, her eyes starting to water. "Minjee, please. It's already hard for us to leave, don't make it harder." I spoke, furrowing my eyebrows in worry. "But why do you guys have to leave?" She spoke, her big doll eyes staring right through me. "We can't be here anymore, Minjee. The medication and everything, It's ruining us...it doesn't help at all. None of it." Taehyung tried to explain, looking at her with a look of hope that she would understand. "Why would you leave now, Jia? You've been here for so long-" She started speaking, making my chest feel heavy. "I can't deal with it anymore, Minjee. I want to go away with Taehyung." I spoke, stroking her hair. "But why?" She asked, a tear rolling down her cheek. "I love him. I can't let him go by himself." I explained and felt Taehyung stroke my hand. Minjee looked down and felt bad all of this was happening in front of her.

"Minjee-" Taehyung spoke, catching her attention. "Let us leave. Please. We are off to a new start. We'll be happy that way, and one day I'll make sure we visit you. Especially after you get out of here." He said in a bright tone, making Minjee nod in a slightly more relaxed way. "Promise?" She asked, her doll eyes appearing big even more. "I promise." He softly whispered, making her nod again. "Thank you kiddo. If they see you on the cameras after they realise we're gone, say you couldn't stop us or something, okay? Just don't get yourself too involved in it." I spoke and pulled her into my embrace, hugging her tightly. "I hope I'll see you soon." She spoke as she nuzzled her nose into my shoulder. "You too." I whispered and managed to move away, still staring at her. Taehyung leaned in and hugged Minjee, catching her off guard. He slightly stiffened and shut his eyes but managed to hold her like that for a few seconds. "Bye, Taehyung." She spoke in a sad tone, observing his taller figure. He pulled out a daisy from his pocket and offered it to her. "Here. You can compress it and tape it inside one of your journals. I'll make sure to give you a full bouquet once I see you again." He spoke and managed to curl his lips into a smile, a comforting smile appearing on her face too.

"See you, Minjee. Love you kiddo." I spoke as I quietly opened the door of the ward, letting Taehyung exit first. She started walking backwards as she waved at us, a slightly hurt and a discouraging look on her face. I turned around and walked to Taehyung, who hid behind the wall. I closed the heavy door after us and still observed Minjee's short figure through the blurry glass. At that moment, I couldn't decide if the glass seemed blurry because of its unique material, or if my tears made everything seem blurry and not visible.

Both of us decided to hold back our emotions until we got out, so we observed if the reception of the main hallway was clear. We sneaked by the reception desk, noticing that no guards were there. The only safe way out was the staircase. We knew we couldn't leave on the main exit because of the guards there, that unlike our ward's, were very awake and professional. Taehyung wanted to instantly go for the staircase, but I quickly pulled him back. “Wait.” I panically whispered. “We need the key of the back exit. It must be somewhere here behind the reception desk” I quickly whispered, making Taehyung immediately focus on my lips and quiet words. Before he could offer to find them, I spoke up. ”Let me find them.“ I whispered and slowly straightened my back. “Wait by the staircase doors. There, in that shadow.” I spoke and pointed to the shadow that would make him appear less visible than standing in the bright light, just in case someone sees us. He nodded and quickly walked over there, nervously observing my actions. I began looking around for the keys, checking every drawer as quietly as I could. 

I heard some steps in the far distance of the long hallway, making me search faster. The steps stopped, making me less panicked. I took a final look through the guards jacket, and stuck my hands in the pockets of it. I finally heard the rattling sound of the keys, feeling the hard metal in my hands. I smiled in relief and held the keys tightly in my hand. I immediately recognized the shape of those keys, the entrance doors always having weirdly shaped and quite heavy keys. Taehyung sighed in relief as he stared at me. “C’mon, let’s go.” He whispered, his deep toned voice slightly breaking through. I accidentally glanced to the computer screen to my right, making me immediately freeze. I took a closer look, stepping towards it to make sure it was what I in fact saw. Taehyung observed me in confusion, light nervousness washing over him as we both started hearing those steps from the end of the hallway, this time not stopping, and this time becoming louder and louder. My eyes weren’t tricking me. It really was what I saw. I was a list. A list of names of visitations today. Under our ward’s column it was my mother’s name. Today. She wanted to visit me today. Immediate pain washed over me. My own mother wanted to see me today but thought I was still in my stubborn faze of hatred towards her and the others. My own mother wanted to visit me today, but all she probably got were a few words from Jiyu, telling her I was doing okay. Or maybe Jiyu told her I wasn’t doing so okay. Maybe Jiyu even mentioned I had fallen in love. Or told my mother I resolved things with the little earmuff girl I held a grudge against. Did she tell her I’ve been smiling a lot more? Did she tell her a lovely boy surprised me with her own letters, wanting to make sure I read them all? 

“Jia. We need to go.” Taehyung whispered, begging me with his own voice. “Wait. I need t-to see.” I stuttered in a whisper, clicking on her name to check the history of visitations. I ignored the steps that seem to become louder, focusing on all the dates my mother wanted to visit. There were hundreds and hundreds of documented visitations that I never got. As my eyes painfully observed the bright screen that brought nothing but pain. I knew for a fact one thing. I needed to visit my mother. As soon as we get out. I need to see her. As we get out. Getting out. Are we really getting out? “Jia, what the fuck are you doing? Let’s go.” Taehyung’s agitated and scared tone broke of my loud thoughts, making me move in sudden nervousness. He grabbed my hand as I tightly held onto him, both of us running to the door of the stairway. I opened the metal green door and let Taehyung enter first. I gently closed the door after us and without a though started going down the staircase to the back exit. I felt myself become dizzy, all these thoughts controlling my body and that fragile sanity spot of my mind. I held my tears away, trying to not focus at him, as I knew it would only make me cry. “Ji, wait. Are you okay? What stopped you up there?” He softly spoke, trying to make sure if I was feeling bad or not. “Let’s just get out of here. Quickly.” I spoke as I ignored his figure that followed me to my side. He desperately tried to look to my face that I managed to hide so successfully. Taehyung started to worry a lot, seeing me act up all scared and upset. With quiet steps, we managed to silently pass another floor down.  I reached the ground floor first and stood in front of the back exit door. I fiddled with the keys for a few seconds, but managed to unlock the door. I stepped outside and felt emotion wash over me like it would before of a bad episode. The sudden feeling of freedom did not feel as freeing as I would have expected it to be. It all felt rather scary and unknown, something that violently broke through the bubble of the things I knew. That air felt different from the one on the roof. When we were on the roof, we knew that we could get back to our warm room and let the kisses warm each other’s stomach up. This felt too real, and I felt like that scared 12 year old that desperately wanted to seek safety that a world couldn’t offer. 

The sound of the doors closing behind me, made me turn towards him. My eyes couldn’t hold my tears back anymore, making them roll of my cheeks so easily. “Ji-” Taehyung spoke, immediately wrapping me in for a hug. He held me tightly, making it not readable if he was stiffening under my touch or if he genuinely wanted to hold me tightly. “What did you see, baby? What’s wrong?” His soft voice spoke to me as he gently stroked my hair. Through the sobs, I managed to let a few words out, feeling so vulnerable and weak in front of him. “My mother visited me. She’s been visiting me through all these years, b-but I’m such a selfish asshole, too self-centred to think about her or anyone.” I cried into his chest, immediately telling him everything that was on my mind. “You’re not like that Ji. At least not anymore.” He softly spoke back. “It’s going to be okay. It all surprised you a bit, now it’s okay. We can visit her if you want once we find somewhere to stay.” He whispered, his palms not being able to detach from my soft hair. “R-really?” I spoke, looking into his eyes. He wiped the tear the was sliding down my cheek, making sure it wouldn’t roll down to my neck. “Of course.” He spoke as he slowly blinked, still having me close to him. I looked down and after a few long seconds broke the silence off by speaking. “How can you even handle my outbursts like these so well?” I asked, not wanting to look into his eyes. “I’m handling them well? I had no idea.” He spoke in a bright manner, wanting to make me smile. I slightly managed to smile, looking down to his pretty hands. “Some of them are not really understandable, but ones like these - I get them. It’s hard to run away from a place you grew to know as home. All because of a stupid daisy boy.” He spoke, making me giggle at his foolish insult to himself. 

“See, at least me insulting myself will always make you laugh.“ He giggled, making me move away and softly smile. “You can call me Rat again if that makes you feel better.“ He spoke and I widened my eyebrows with a smile as I began walking out of the alley with Taehyung hurriedly following my steps. “I hated calling you Rat, even when it sounded endearing.“ I confessed, adjusting the bag so it wouldn’t feel too heavy on my shoulder. “What? I loved when you called me Rat! It was so ironic it became adorable.“ He enthusiastically said, the light from the street softly reflecting onto his face once we reached the exit of the dark alley. Calling it adorable made my cheeks slightly blush like a little child’s, my thoughts turning from bad ones to good ones in just a matter of seconds. I started feeling positive energy pass from Taehyung onto me, making me believe this really wasn’t a bad idea after all. Maybe life with Taehyung was all I ever needed. A boy like that, away from thoughts and that hospital that would only keep killing him. As foolish and dangerous as this was, I found safety in Taehyung’s words, even if his jokes tried to make him more brave too. I took my hand in his and as soon as I felt my fingers wrap around his, I felt safe.

“But you definitely prefer me calling you Mouse.“ I spoke, making him smile upon feeling my small hand barely wrap around half of his palm. “Of course I do. I told you to call me Mouse when you were pretending to hate me and all that act.“ He spoke, playfully rolling his eyes. “Why that tone?! You genuinely frustrated me.“ I loudly whispered, looking around the open streets once we started walking on them. “I only frustrated you because you were falling for my charms.” He confidently said, no joking tone to be found in his voice whatsoever. “Oh, shut up.” I annoyingly spoke, making him giggle at my facial expression. After a few seconds of walking and a few seconds of my fingers brushing against his, I broke off the silence by speaking. “Thanks for making me laugh, Mouse. It makes me feel so much better.” I spoke and shyly looked down to my feet. “Of course.” He spoke in a reassuring tone and kissed my cheek as we continued to walk. I broke the silence off, this time in a comedic manner. “Now can you tell me where the fuck are we going?” I spoke, immediately hearing him chuckling because of my direct tone. He softly sighed and opened his mouth to speak, trying to find the right words. “To a place that used to be my home. Maybe we’ll find someone there too.“ He spoke, his fingers holding tightly onto mine. “Where you and your friends used to live?” I timidly asked. “Yeah.” He spoke in a slight nervous manner. “I know that one of them is there definitely. Our oldest hyung.” He spoke and looked down to his feet. “Had a bad last encounter with him?” I asked, aware of the situation. He nodded and softly sighed. I stopped him for a second, turning his body towards me. 

I slightly tiptoed and pressed my lips onto his to comfort him. He responded with a kiss back as his tongue playfully licked my bottom lip. I smiled and pulled away, taking a hold of his hand again. We continued walking next to each other. Taehyung immediately spoke after taking a first step. “I knew you were going to kiss me.” He softly spoke, giggling to himself. I glanced at him and smiled. “Well you don’t have to be a prophet to foresee such a thing.” I said and sent him a convincing look. “Touché.” He honestly spoke, shrugging the situation off.

•••

We walked for a long time, through many dark and bright streets that each carried some style and types of people walking on them. When I used to walk on the streets as I kid, I was never allowed to walk on them past 10 PM. It was always too dangerous, and my mother wanted to protect me as much as she could. And because I was a quite paranoid child, I wouldn’t even walk on them past 9. Being here with Taehyung on these streets, after midnight, made me enter a completely new side of the city. I forgot how the streets looked, how the convenience stores looked, even the parks, that at this hour seemed so scary and unsafe. But to not remember the streets of a city you live in was already a scary thought.

“We’re here.“ He nervously spoke, walking out of the dark street that had a creative graffiti drawn onto it. He stared at some kind of a abandoned school complex, resembling a hideout for hobos. I timidly followed his steps, desperately hoping he was not serious. He softly stroked my hand, reassuring me it was okay. We entered through the old wooden door, some lights from the a distance helping us see. Someone really was there as Taehyung predicted. “Were you guys homeless?“ I asked, observing at confused Taehyung who looked to that same light. I immediately caught a reaction from him after he heard me speak. “We just had nowhere to go.“ He truthfully spoke, guiding my hand to walk with him. Suddenly, a sound of an old piano echoed through the room, making both of us shiver at the mellow sound of a beautiful melody. Taehyung’s eyes burst out emotion that I couldn’t really grasp upon. 

I walked with him, who nervously yet quickly walked towards the melody. He stood in silence once he reached close enough to a man that played the piano so wonderfully. Another voice from their improvised bathroom to the left came, making Taehyung’s eyes shot in that direction. “Hyung?“ Mouse nervously spoke, clearly not expecting to see this piano friend of his. The man stopped playing the piano as soon as he heard Taehyung’s voice. “What are you doing here?“ Taehyung asked, holding my hand tightly.

part 17

[thegrayship]

i have had a couple of antis pop up on posts saying that shipping reylo was endorsing abuse... or something. i’m not immune to feeling bad whenever people harrass me about the fictional characters i ship.

but whenever it happens, i just remind myself something i learned in acting school:

i trained for two years in a private conservatory and something that came up a lot was when students were given violent, villainous, or otherwise unsavory roles. they (or i) would get uncomfortable at the moment of violence and it would be so hesitant as to be out of character or unbelievable.

my coach inevitably had to drill it into us (paraphrased): “the hesitation is because you think this is really happening or that it reflects on you as a person. it is not real because once the scene is over, your partner will get up and go about the rest of their day just fine. it does not reflect on you as a person, because you are not portraying yourself.”

it took me a while to really understand this, but one thing that helped the most was remembering the games i played as a kid.

CONTENT WARNING: I TELL AN EMBARRASSING STORY ABOUT MY CHILDHOOD. IT CONCERNS A POOP MONSTER. IT’S UNDER THE READMORE BUT IF YOU’RE ON MOBILE SCROLL DOWN TO THE SECOND LINE OF ASTERISKS.

*******************************************************************************************

being a pretty imaginative kid, i would play out stories with my sister. and since we were only two people, we would inevitably switch off to play different roles in conversations.

we were both girls growing up in 90s america so sometimes it would be stories about lisa frank style unicorns and fairies. other times, it would be about poop monsters in swamps.

the poop monster was a recurring character for an embarrassingly long time. this is where i rely mostly on 20 year old memories because i am not currently strong enough to ask my sister, ‘hey, remember that poop monster we told stories about when we were kids?’

i do remember that for about an entire week in a row after we got home from school, we would excitedly stand in the living room and shout, “LETS TELL A STORY ABOUT THE POOP MONSTER!!”

we got grossly detailed. “PEOPLE COULD SMELL THE HORRIBLE POOP MONSTER FROM A MILE AWAY BECAUSE HE WAS SO STINKY AND THEY RAN AWAY SCREAMING AND THROWING UP.” and to our eight year old selves, it was so funny we’d laugh till our sides hurt.

we got violent. “AND THE HERO OF THE DAY STOMPED HIM INTO A MILLION BAJILLION PIECES AND SPRAYED AIR FRESHENER OVER THE PIECES AND HE DISAPPEARED FOREVER.” (but we’re going to tell another story about him tomorrow.) it was a pretty even tradeoff between who mimed the killing and who died dramatically on the floor. sometimes one of us would mime the killing AND the dying in rapid succession and then the other would go, “OKAY MY TURN!!” and act out a different way.

does this mean that two eight year old girls had no sense of hygiene because their favorite story was about a poop monster? did our constant reenactments of murder and death scenes mean we harbored actual homicidal or suicidal thoughts?

NO.

*******************************************************************************************

as children, we could laugh about literal toilet humor while still taking baths and still thinking it was gross when actual classmates said they didn’t brush their teeth. we apologized when we accidentally hurt someone. sometimes we would fight and pulled each other’s hair or slap each other, and apologizing might take a little longer depending on how angry we were. BUT EVENTUALLY we still said we were sorry and tried not to do it again.

when our pets were asleep we would shriek, “HEY, THEY’RE DEAD!!!”, poke them, and laugh about zombie pets when they woke up--but when they actually died, we cried. i gleefully mimed death scenes while playing but in real life, i’d still cry when i skinned my knee on the playground.

so if you come across an anti who says you’re endorsing Bad Stuff™ for liking kylo ren or reylo, remember this post. maybe even remember the stuff you liked to imagine as a kid.

if professional writers and actors who get paid to depict violence and problematic relationships are told that they are not endorsing the stuff they reenact because it’s fake and no one ACTUALLY gets hurt, an unpaid fan is not guilty of encouraging those same things when they enjoy watching, reading, or making fanfiction/fanart of that material.

so chill, reylos (and other ships who get lots of hate). you’re not endorsing bad stuff just because you ship fictional characters.

[notintheipswichboyband]

Character Building Questions

What is your characters name? Chase Collins

Does your character have any nicknames? No

How old is your character? 18

When was your character born? 1988

What species is your character? Human/Warlock

What gender does your character identify as? Male

What sex was your character born as? Male

What shape are your character’s pupils? Round

What color are your character’s irises? Green

What color are your character’s sclera? White

How long are your character’s eyelashes? Average

Does your characters have clear skin? Yes

What color is your character’s hair? Light Brown

How tall is your character? 5′ 10″

What is your character’s body type? Athletic, Lean

Does your character have any scars? Yes, Burn scars mostly.

Does your character have any injuries that caused permanent damage? Burn scars.

How does your character keep their nails? Spectacular.

How often does your character bathe? Regularly.

How often does your character change clothes? Every day, sometimes twice a day. 

How does your character dress? Sometimes like a dorky grunge kid. Other times like an awkward emo goth hybrid.

Does your character wear clothes? Yes...lol

Does your character do their own laundry? Yes.

Does your character know how to do their own laundry? Yes

Does your character have good fashion sense? Sort of kind of.

Does your character dress for practicality or fashion? For himself.. Probably practicality.

Are practicality and fashion similar or vastly different in your character’s world? He really couldn’t give a single fuck about either.

Can your character fight? Yeah.

Does your character fight? Yes.

Does your character have any training? (ie: military, martial arts, self defense, etc.): None at all.

What is your character’s fighting style? (ie: textbook, brawler, their own style, etc.): Using his powers, mostly, but does try to fight hand to hand.

What is your character’s favorite weapon? His powers.

What is your character’s least favorite weapon? N/A

What are your character’s limits? He basically wont stop till he’s dead, or knocked out.

Does your character know their limits? Hell no.

What are your character’s weaknesses? His powers, underestimating.

What are your character’s strengths? His powers, determination.

What is your character’s favorite food? Soup

What is your character’s least favorite food? Tortellini

Does your character have any allergies? Caleb

What is your character’s favorite color? Dark Blue

What is your character’s least favorite color? Orange

Can your character draw? No

Can your character paint? No

Does your character draw? No

Does your character paint? No

Is your character artistically inclined? Not really, he’s not really tried to be.

Does your character have any tattoos? No

Does your character want any tattoos? Unknown

What is your character’s favorite musical instrument? Piano

What is your character’s least favorite musical instrument? Harmonica

Can your character play music? Yes

Does your character play music? No

What instrument do they play? Piano

Can your character sing? No

Does your character sing? Not really

Can your character dance? No

Does your character dance? No

What is your character’s favorite animal? Crows

What is your character’s least favorite animal? Robins

Does your character have any pets? No

What is your character’s favorite topic/subject to discuss? Books

What is your character’s least favorite topic/subject to discuss? Himself

What is your character’s favorite memory? He has none.

What is your character’s least favorite memory? He also has none for this.

What is your character’s earliest memory? Smearing black and red finger paint together on a sheet of paper in pre-school.

What is your character’s greatest accomplishment in their own eyes? The Power

What is your character’s greatest accomplishment in the eyes of others? Nothing.

What is your character’s biggest failure in their own eyes? N/A

What is your character’s biggest failure in the eyes of others? Power Hungry/ Addiction? Probably nothing.

What is your character’s most treasured possession? Nothing

What is your character’s least treasured possession? Nothing

What is your character’s favorite possession? Books

Who is your character’s favorite person? Himself

Who is your character’s least favorite person? Himself

Who are your character’s friends? No one.

Who are your character’s enemies? Caleb Danvers, Tyler Simms, Pogue Perry, Reid Garwin, Sarah Wenham, Kate Tunney

Who are your character’s acquaintances? Sarah Wenham, Kate Tunney

Who are your character’s family? His adoptive parents, who are dead, And his mother and father, who are also dead.

How loyal is your character? Not at all.

What would your character betray someone for? The Power

What does your character’s room/home/living space look like? A mess, too busy with plans to be bothered to pick up anything or keep the place tidy.

What are your character’s hobbies? Reading, playing video games, putting puzzles together, solving puzzles, playing chess by himself. Stalking people. Roleplaying (poorly).

What skills does your character posses? Expert plan making, hacking, deception, manipulation.

What powers does your character posses? The Power ( Witchcraft/magic)

What is your character’s occupation? Ruining Caleb’s life (also attempting to kill him).

Does your character have any political power or standing? No.

Does your character give orders or take orders? He’s more prone to give orders. But doesn’t go out of his way in most situations to do so.

How strong is your character physically? Fairly strong

How strong is your character mentally? Very strong ( except for the small crack of ineptitude when he gets really pissed off.)

What is your character’s constitution like? (ie: do they have a weak immune system, are they prone to getting sick or fainting): He is extremely healthy.

How often does your character fall ill? Almost never

What is your character’s preferred climate? He doesn’t give a shit.

Can your character handle heat? Weeelll....

Can your character handle the cold? Yes.

Is your character a tactile person? Yes.

How is your character with children? N/A

Can your character have children? Yes

How well does your character take care of others? He doesn’t.

How well does your character take care of themselves? Very well, except for when he’s ready to die to get something he wants.

Is your character lazy? No.

How much does your character procrastinate? Often enough that he spends an entire movie basically lurking and then the last half taunting some guy (Caleb) into giving him their power. You know, typical teenager stuff.

What does your character put on their toast? Butter, Jam

Does your character drink coffee? Yes

What does your character put in their coffee? Nothing

Does your character drink tea? Yes

What does your character put in their tea? Sugar

What sort of place would your character vacation at? Massachusetts.

Can your character swim? Yes

Does your character swim? Yes

Does your character prefer nature or the city? He doesn’t care.

What does your character fear? Aging, becoming weak.

Does your character have any phobias? No

Does your character have any triggers? Caleb/Fire

Is your character book smart or street smart? Both

How well can your character tie knots? Good enough.

Would your character survive if they got stranded in the wilderness somewhere? Probably not.

Does your character know how to tie people up? Why bother, he doesn’t need to.

Is your character any good at tying people up? Probably.

Can your character braid hair? Probably

Can your character cut hair? Yes

Does your character cut their own hair? Yes

Can your character read/write? Yes

Does your character keep a journal/diary? Yes

Does your character keep a day planner/calendar? Maybe

Can your character speak more than one language? Probably not.

Can your character read more than one language? Probably not.

Does your character prefer light or dark? Well you mostly see him at night! ahah. Let’s say Dark.

Is your character afraid of the dark? No

Does your character live above or below ground? Above

What year does your character live in? 2017

Is your character clumsy or accident prone? Not really.

Can your character drive a car? Probably

Can your character drive a motor bike? Maybe.

What is your character’s preferred mode of transportation? Teleportation

Is your character technologically adept? Yes

Is your character good with machines? Maybe

Is your character good at fixing things? Probably not

Does your character have a catch phrase? “Ooooo Witchy”

What are your character’s nervous ticks? Tearing up when he’s trying to be #Bad, picking at things, knocking stuff over.

Does your character worry a lot? No

Is your character misunderstood? Bitch, he fucking might be.

Does your character have any chronic illnesses or conditions? No

Is your character likely to inherit any chronic illnesses or conditions? Probably

Does/will your character have any genetic “fuck you"s to deal with? Probably.

What position does your character sleep in?  On his side

How many pillows do they sleep with? The only one he has.

Is your character a cuddler while they’re sleeping? No.

How well can your character see in the dark? Fairly well.

Does your character like vegetables? Yes

Does your character eat healthy foods? Yes

Is your character capable of sleeping alone? Yes

Is your character close with their family? No, they are all dead.

Can your character ask for help with ease? No, not at all.

What embarrasses your character? His past and being an orphan.

How does your character act in front of the people they like? Like an asshole. Unless he’s pretending to be nice, then he’s just pretending to be nice.

Would your character ever enter into a poly-amorous relationship? No.

What kind of music does your character listen to? N/A

What kind of television shows does your character watch? History

What kind of material does your character read?  Fiction

Is/was your character a good student? Yes

Is your character a creature of habit? Maybe

Does your character need to run through a specific routine in order to get to sleep? No

Does your character frequently have nightmares? No

Does your character have strange dreams? Yes

Does your character dream at all? Rarely

Does your character snore? Not really

Does your character drool? Perhaps.

What does your character wear to bed? N/A

Does your character find being seen naked embarrassing? Not really

Does your character find seeing other people naked embarrassing? No

Does your character wear make up? No

Does your character have any piercings? No

Does your character want any piercings? No

How high is your character’s pain tolerance? Pretty freaking high.

What is your character’s reaction to things they find cute? Gets excited.

What is your character’s sense of humor like? Silly, childish.

Is your character quick to laugh? Yes

Is your character quick to smile?  Sometimes

Is your character most frequently seen with a frown? No.

Does your character hide their emotions? Often.

Does your character sometimes have trouble understanding what they’re feeling? Often

Is your character socially adept, or awkward? Somewhat Awkward

Has your character ever received a trophy for anything? Yes

Is your character a good person? Not particularly

Is your character a nice person? Not usually.

Does your character like or hate the rain? He doesn't fucking care

What annoys your character? The Sons of Ipswich and their girl friends.

Is it easy to befriend your character? Yes, if he can put aside the fact that he might want to kill you. If he doesn’t want to kill you, then definitely yes.

If you did not know your character, would you trust them? Yes.

Does your character eat meat? Yes

How quickly can your character type? Fast

What is your character’s opinion on mirrors? They are fun to throw people at.

[archergabriella]

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[ahmiyahstanton97]

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[survivormuxloe]

Episode 13: "so things went from Guatemala to Guatepeor” - Ahrre

david REALLY GOT BRAVE TRYNA COME FOR ME WHEN HIS ASS AINT IMMUNE HUH. aint it so.. vote me and ur ass gonna go... ijs!! rip my perf game but at least i was the last person to recieve votes so thats kinda cute.. it doesnt change the fact that im winning tho ALMFNBG like. just 3/4 more tribals to survive bitch.. give those immunity wins to me pls x :)))

LOWKEY MY ASS WAS NERVOUSSSS LIKE I DONT WANNA READ MY NAME ON THOSE PIECES OF PAPER AGAIN THO!!! altho my name is cute written out by anna highkey ngl.. maybe she'll write them in cursive for my winner reveal? x

my mind tho. rhys/tobi/ryan r all under my spell. missus mo and ahrre got brave and are gunna get a taste of hell when im not dying under exams lol x ALMFJHBFG

lvoe u gusys. xoxo ur winner scooty toots

Well fuck. David is gone. I’m in the minority. So now it’s just me and Ahrre. But I don’t want to settle for 6th or 5th place. I’ve made it this far I wanna make it to the end. So I’m going to try to wiggle my way through.

http://images6.fanpop.com/image/photos/41700000/Avengers-Endgame-2019-avengers-infinity-war-1-and-2-41740034-540-225.gif

So the situation is looking pretty grim, Rhys stuck with the majority, David the absolute unit is dead and I wouldn't be surprised if I'm the next one to go.

So right know things change as it's no longer about getting majority but rather get that group of 4 to cannibalize itself. Now the thing is that each of those 4 seem so confident in their position but only 3 make it to the end so that means at least one will end up being left out and that's just with a minimum level of snaking, but we know they are capable of way more shafty shit.

But their overconfidence in their position is not the only problem. It's also kinda hard when I've tried to blindside 3 of them. But hey at least you can't say I didn't try. Tobi is not willing to even tell me anything until tomorrow after we do the challenge. But he also says he's rooting for me as an underdog even if we're in oposite sides... Cheky fecker trying to get my jury vote...

As for the rest well I'll try to talk to them tomorrow, if I can commend Mo for something is that at least they might be more willing to work with him than me, which is clearly not a good thing for my game but eh wadda you do. I know for a fact by now everyone is gonna be saying that the plan is me going home probably 5-1 but if that's gonna end up being true or just a bluff for one of the 4 to get blindsided is still to see.

Either way I'm gonna try to stir some shit up and not be a voulnerable pleb waiting to be taken out or saved. Better dead than a goat.

These fattys are going down one by one... i love it... like highkey david going means that me and scott have to step up our physical games if we wanna take out ryan... someone else has to win immunity and then we can start pinning moves on ryan... I'm slowly repairing my relationship with ahrre by having a frank talk with him about our relationship in the game, which was both awkward but i think it helped??? im trynna work him pretty hard because he's a tough nut to crack but i think i can do it hehe... scott is working on mo but lets be real mo is easier to crack than ahrre, and honestly rhys' performance last tribal was good.. too good imo like.. i previously pinned him as an inactive goat but if he's able to connect with the other side that well and have them believe what he was saying, i have to give him props because that's some good plays in terms of benefiting our alliance for knowledge, bad jury management sure, but good for the alliance... at this point tbh,,, who the fuck cares about jury management... but then again it's important if you wanna win so maybe im just a dumbass

Well right now it’s final 6 and the question of a final 2 or 3 is up for debate because it could be either or.

After that tribal and David left, he tried to expose me when I had exposed myself already to the people he exposed me too. So sis there was no new tea.

Honestly now one of our 4 needs to go. The only one I would feel confident about going to the end with would be Ryan. Just as I feel he has done less. I’m super close with Scott, so I think right now I need to try and convince some people to vote out Ryan.

The only problem is I will probably need to convince Ryan and Scott or mo and ahrre. Mo and ahrre may not that me after lying to them two rounds in a row. And Scott seems to be strong for our alliance sticking to the end. So I’m going for this immunity as if I win it should all the confidence I need to make a move against my own.

I’m not feeling great. I don’t like a conversation I just had. It made me wanna quit. I’m not going to because I wanna do my best.

i really found an idol day 1 and made it to final 6 with it safe and sound.... ctfu how did this even happen, and Scott too we rly did that. the only thing about that is.... at least until we surpass final 5, there's always that worry that im gonna make a fool of myself with it and hnnnng. i feel like our 4 is solid af and yet, i'm still making myself paranoid that Tobi or even Rhys would perk up and randomly try to blindside me or Scott... but anyway yeah thats where my head at rn. i still don't talk to ahrre at all so he's a complete mystery and no idea if anyone else talks to him so that's great. Mo is an oddball still idk what to do w him kfsdfa

So I want to flip on my alliance this round. But 2 people outside my alliance are throwing me hardcore under the bus. Ok. So like how am I gonna make a move now.

pls god... lett this immunity challenge be in my favour alkfjnhfg i just want a win pls pls pls let me be guaranteed f4 lol

I just had a really good conversation with Tobi and it’s making me like really happy because this entire game I’ve gotten the short end of the stick. With people not thinking I don’t deserve to be here, that I’m a goat and people sending me condescending messages about my mistakes. It feels really nice to get praised for the good things. Don’t get me wrong I own up to my mistakes and I do my best to improve and change moving forwardss so I don’t make the same mistakes again. But usually the conversations that happen before that aren’t very happy, they’re needed and they end on a peaceful note but they don’t start out happy. But Tobi just praised me on my gameplay complimenting me and it’s such a good feeling. I think I might end up in fifth or sixth place but I’m still proud of myself and I’m going to keep fighting till the end.

so like... I'm really happy i won immunity but im kinda more annoyed with scott right now like... we had this big plan to take out ryan at 6 which is literally a perfect time now since 1) we can access numbers for it 2) he wont suspect it so the chance of an idol popping up is low 3) we can gain trust with ahrre and mo this way... but NOOOOOOOOO lets play with our emotions instead of our BRAINS and take out someone who has played a bad game and would be EASY to beat in the end like JESUS and i thought ahrre had his head up his ass... also scott is SO fucking confident know like he acts like he will 100% win against anybody in ftc and like sis... that's not the case... not if you're constantly confronting and arguing with mo and ahrre... use. ur. BRAIN.

Cemetery....

Anywho, this vote. Mo & Ahrre are voting me probably. So It seems to be a 4-2 vote. However an Idol may be played now more than ever, as I think this is the first time someone from the bottom hasnt had any hope of staying. (Dani, Felix & Jones were all blindsided , and Michael & David had some chance of staying). So one could easily be played. So ima try to push a 2-2-2 vote to save my ass.

so. (: I lost spelling bee. (: LAMDLFNFG

lowkey feel as if the words are suitable to the player tho. embarrass for ahrre as in that game is embarrassing. accommodate for Mo as in we have to accommodate for the fact that he’s a goat. Cemetary for rhys bc he makes us all wanna die @ tribals. handkerchief for me bc my ass gotta clean up ryan and tobi wanting to target each other.. and rhythm for tobi bc while hes in time rn that time is gonna run out soon :flushed:

i just dont want 6th ):

So I know it’s me and Ahrre on the chopping block. I just kinda wanted to make a quick plea. I really really wanna stay. I want to go as far as I can even if that’s just fifth. Not only to prove people wrong thinking I don’t deserve to be here, but also to prove to myself. Whatever decision you make tonight I respect wholeheartedly. But I’d love to go further.

I CACKLED @ THIS COPY PASTED PLEA.. MO BABY WYD

I’m currently making my plea to the others on why I deserve to stay. I’m proud of myself no matter the outcome but I’d love to go as far as I can.

So ahrre and mo are both kindve pleading for themselves. Mo just wants him to be saved where as ahrre is trying to flip people. He is trying to flip me again which is funny. Lowkey am a little worried just Incase it’s a ploy to get people to vote me or something. But he needs me and tobi to flip. So I think he won’t vote me which is great, incase a surprise idol is played.

soooo final 6 tribal. I definitely want Ahrre to leave finally, so how to make that happen. Scott informed me that mo/ahrre lowkey suspect i have an idol so wig. i would prefer if we went 4 strong on Ahrre bc I really don't think he has any powers, but the thing about that is i don't want to campaign for that to happen and make it look like i feel safe about idols... i don't want tobi or rhys to get suspicious and get the urge to flip on me/scott.. so kinda tricky. we'll see what happens

so recently scott and ryan have really been pounding on mo for his goatness and like... I took advantage of that hehe... I talked to mo and had a real heart to heart with him and like... I told him that he deserves more credit than he's getting and then more wholesome stuff and then BAM we got past the barrier we previously had and now we're totally cool!!... where ryan and scott burn bridges, im gonna build new ones!! so like that wasnt TOTALLY just for strategy like im not that big of an asshole... but its a mix of both. mo is a good kid and he gets too much backlash for his game.. and im gonna take advantage of that by showing up as his guardian angel hehe.. and who knows like this might pay off hugely when i need his vote at f5 to take out a bigger player but for now i'll stick to tending to his wounds that scott and ryan left.. and they really did come for him pretty hard... like REALLY hard so there is no harm in coming to him and helping him with his confidence and who knows, that might be a jury vote right there

Right so things went from Guatemala to guatepeor, I didn't win immunity I actually flopped at it in wonderful fashion it was quite beautiful really. But anyhow Tobi ended up winning it.

So I tried to talk to people and get them to do ANYTHING but to no avail really. Ryan and Scott seem set on stone. I did get Tobi to tell me that if it ties 3-3 he would flip on the revote but that's just playing it safe. Rhys told me he doesn't want to go to rocks so I'm like hey Tobi supposedly flips on the revote so maybe there's no need for that go talk to Tobi.

But they all seem to be giving me the silence threatment right before tribal even Mo has accepted what seems to be me going home.

It's a shame really cause if I do end up going home one of the majority of 4 is gonna regret it the very next week and two more later when the 4th beats them at the end. But hey congrats to that 4th guy whoever it is.

I've tought about doing an idol bluff but it wouldn't make sense for me to tell anyone I have it. Even Mo since if I hipotetically had it he wouldn't help me with it because he would be the one going home probably. Also because I would've definitely played it in a previous round for someone else if I had it and the rest probably knoes that.

Either way rn I'm currently trying to get home in time for tribal since I had to walk a chunk because I almost didn't had enough for the bus fare lel. Who knows maybe I'll survive somehow like the cockroach I am but I don't rate my chances or luck very highly. Either way at the end of the day I'm happy and you can't say I didn't try!

Ahrre is voted out 5-1.

[adambstingus]

30 Children of Anti-Vaxxers Tell Their Stories

At this point, it’s common knowledge that vaccines haven’t been linked with autism. Doctors have checked and checked again, but nothing credible has ever come up.

Still, there are people who identify as ‘anti-vaxxers’ and decline to vaccinate their children. Now, in a packed Reddit thread, those peoples’ children have a few things to say about it.

Check out stories from 30 children of anti-vaxxers, who each feel quite different from their parents!

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One redditor always thought they had been vaccinated—until their employer discovered otherwise.

I had an idea they were anti-vaxxers, but it was never confirmed.

They mentioned my younger brother wasn’t [vaccinated] but it was “justified” because we were living in the mountains of Montana and it was too far a drive to the Doctor.

I assumed I had been as I was born in civilization and we didn’t move to the hills until I was 3.

We were homeschooled, my older brother had trouble at college with his immunizations and Mom said all the paperwork was lost when they moved.

I was 30 years old and I was offered a job at a university helping train doctors, started getting paperwork asking for proof of vaccinations, I just said test me and give me whatever I need.

But I know I’ve had Chicken Pox.

Turns out I had nothing, no antibodies and I’d never had Chicken Pox either (Mom said I had). Lit up both arms with a run of shots over the next 3 months.

Never forgot telling my boyfriend and he yelled “You’ve been to Mexico, TWICE, and Europe. Oh my god.”

Called my mom and said “Hey I’m getting a job and they say I’ve never been vaccinated. Was I?”

She got very defensive and said no, she hated making us cry as babies and they’re bad for little kids.

Also, did I really need them? She then tried to talk me out of them.

Since I know how they work I felt very okay letting her know I’d already started the process.

I’m so thankful for all of you protecting me until I found out. –sirenssong

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This redditor, unfortunately, suffered the consequences of a disease for which a vaccine exists.

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Mom got rubella when pregnant with me. As a result, I was born severely deaf so there ya go.

Life’s not the best. –strangeunluckyfetus

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This person’s parent had to see them with measles to understand the importance of vaccination.

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I got measles, as a 22-year-old, in my first week of moving to London.

I’d previously lived up north, and on my first day of working immediately after finishing uni, I began feeling lethargic. By the second day, I felt pretty bad but soldiered on.

Third day, I began taking (fairly effective) painkillers for the remainder of the week. Saturday, attended a local fair, after taking my morning painkiller.

Had a bottle of beer with my dad and felt very strange afterward, almost floaty but in a kinda bad way.

Decided to stop taking the painkillers, woke up with a raging fever and intense coughing on Sunday.

Hobbled out of bed, feeling dizzy and horrible and noticed in the mirror of the bathroom that I looked like an Oompa Loompa (red splotchy rash all over).

My step mum had been feeling similar symptoms that week, she decided to call an ambulance, who checked both of our conditions and turned out I had a raging (41c) fever and low oxygen.

They took me to A&E and I was given fluids via a drip.

Later, my step mum came in and was given the same treatment; the doctor on call said it’d probably be a general viral infection.

At home, took the week off work and recovered. Step mum took off two weeks. She went back to A&E a couple of days after; the doctor on duty immediately spotted that it was measles.

Thing is, in England if you get it, an organization called Public Health England has to be legally informed by your doctor, which informs your workplace about your illness.

Cue an embarrassing email being sent by your new boss to everyone in your company before you’ve even met most of your colleagues.

Took a while to recover. In a week I felt well enough to be out and about. You’re only infectious when you have the rash (and a little before and after).

I still felt out of whack for several weeks. This happened in July, and I didn’t feel quite fully recovered until October or so.

Obviously, neither myself or my step mum had been vaccinated with the MMR. My dad and sisters had had it as children. We immediately got both jabs, after we were told how painful mumps could be.

Strongly recommend everyone gets the MMR vaccine. It’s straightforward and time-honored.

Measles is unpleasant and can cause complications in adults. My intense coughing almost certainly caused some lung damage, and my hair just kind of… fell out in the months following.

Save yourselves!

My graduation ceremony was a couple of weeks after this. My actual mum saw how ill measles had left me and changed her mind on vaccinations.

Shame it had to be that way, though. –AdamJay26

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It’s a good thing medical professionals are often ready to help kids of anti-vaxxers, even later in life than usual.

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My parents chose not to vaccinate my sister and me. They have some… unique ideas about science and medicine.

We were also homeschooled if that clarifies anything.

We both wound up volunteering at hospitals at different points in our lives, so we had to get caught up anyway. For me, it was at age 20, for an internship at a mental health facility.

It was a little awkward explaining to the nurse why I had nothing on my record, but she was understanding overall.

My big concern now is what will happen when I get around to having children of my own in a few years.

I think they’ll see me as a bad mother if I get them vaccinated, so I’m anticipating some fireworks. –Arihagne

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This redditor’s struggle wasn’t for their own vaccination, but their parents’.

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I was vaccinated when I was a baby as part of a mandatory vaccination program in the Soviet Union, but my parents wouldn’t vaccinate/get boosters after we moved to the States.

My family is pathologically distrustful of doctors and medication of any kind and prefers homeopathy and alternative medicines.

I didn’t realize I wasn’t fully vaccinated until I went in for a physical in college.

Up till then, I’d just assumed I’d been fully vaccinated in Russia (Because that’s what my parents told me).

I got all my shots up to date and I just never mentioned it to my parents.

Their anti-medicine stance has softened as they age, but I generally avoid the topic because I can’t handle their bullshit and it never goes anywhere anyway.

That said, I had a baby this past December in the middle of a really bad flu season and I told my parents that they weren’t allowed to see the baby until they could produce proof of a flu shot (this is absolutely something they’d lie about, so yes, I demanded written proof).

They both got one as soon as they realized I was serious. –Kookalka

Next up, another redditor gave their parent the same choice…and the answer wasn’t so peaceful.

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This person’s mother had a different answer to the ‘get vaccinated for my baby’ ultimatum.

I said the same thing, and my mum opted not to see the baby for 3 months. Bizarre life choices.

Ultimately she hasn’t had a lot to do with raising her grandson, which might be for the best.

To her credit, she is honest. –actuallyarobot2

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When in doubt, go with science.

I was not vaccinated as a child because my mother thought vaccines were evil, unchristian, and other ridiculous things.

This was in the early ’80s before all the autism BS, but she had her own unique theories. I got myself vaccinated when I went to university.

My mother was disappointed and wanted to write a letter to the school explaining her religious views on vaccines (as she had done for years to keep me exempt), but I decided to go with science. –squeezymarmite

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Even a medical degree didn’t change this redditor’s anti-vaxxer parents.

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I didn’t receive any vaccinations through childhood due to my parents’ beliefs.

Once I got to college, I did my own research on them, learned the actual science behind them, and got all vaccinations.

I then went to medical school, and yet they still don’t believe me and my medical degree regarding vaccinations.

Holidays can get awkward. –guardian528

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Starting college without your vaccines adds an extra few hurdles.

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When I was 19, I had to get some vaccines in order to start college, and my mom was NOT helpful.

First, she tried to get me exempt from the vaccines, and when that didn’t work, she sent me into the clinic (alone) with completely false/outdated info.

I was super embarrassed when the nurses looked at my notes and told me that none of it was correct.

But luckily they helped me figure out what I needed and didn’t shame me too much for not having a previous vaccination record. A couple years later I went back in to get the rest of the recommended vaccines.

My sister had her first kid (and the first grandbaby) last year, and our mom has been pushing her not to vaccinate. Fortunately, my sister has chosen to vaccinate.

She still is trying to get us to watch a documentary about it to change our minds.

Now all us kids just don’t talk to our mom about vaccines because it always turns into an argument. –itsshamefulreally

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And the process of applying to college is hard enough without parents interfering.

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[My mom] sabotaged me getting into the college I wanted simply because they did not accept religious exemptions and she couldn’t trick any doctors into signing a health exemption.

I wanted to go do it myself, but they were through accepting applications by then, and I was desperate to go to some college, so I found a different one. –eXpialidocious_

On the next page, one child of the anti-vaxxers has a response to an anti-vaccination “documentary” that made the rounds a few years ago.

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There’s an anti-vaccination film called ‘Vaxxed’ (made by an ex-doctor whose license was revoked), and these redditors are NOT about it.

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We had our first child at the very beginning of the year and had to tell my father that since he won’t get vaccinated, he won’t be able to see his grandbaby until the baby gets their shots.

The baby had their first round of shots a few months ago, and my father can now visit. It pained me to do that, and I know it pained him, but I was not putting my child at risk for his choice.

This last weekend we visited my father. At the end of the visit, he handed me Vaxxed.

He knows our feelings on the matter – preventable diseases should be prevented, herd immunity protects those most at risk, autism is not caused by vaccines.

It’s just… disrespectful.

I know he thinks he’s trying to protect his grandson from harm, but it’s coming from the completely wrong direction, and no one can seem to change his opinion on the matter. –humplick

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More often than not, anti-vaxxer parents are trying to protect their kids—until they realize where the real danger is.

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My mum didn’t get the measles vaccination because at the time she thought it caused autism; she was kinda one of the first anti-vaxxers, wrote to papers about it everything.

Anyway, a girl in our social group caught meningitis and died, basically freakishly uncommon.

After that, mum was really scared the same thing could happen to me with any disease and basically begged me to get up to date with my shots.

I guess the main takeaway is that when my mum was younger and inexperienced, she thought everything was a danger; she honestly thought she was doing best by me, I guess. –bellend_bellend

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This redditor’s mother eventually turned it around herself!

My parents didn’t give us the whooping cough vaccine under the advisement of our pediatrician.

I actually didn’t know this until last year, so I went and got vaccinated on my mom’s recommendation. She wrote my siblings and me the following email to bring it up:

As a parent, you are bound to make many mistakes.

For me, not having the advantage of younger siblings, the internet, or (initially) many friends with babies, I think I learned to parent on the fly.

At the time, there seemed to be a compelling reason not to include the pertussis (whooping cough) vaccine along with whatever else was the recommended protocol for infants under the age of one year.

I think we had read that it was one vaccine too many to be included in the series, and our first pediatrician felt strongly that it might have harmful side effects.

Gramps had told me that he remembered having whooping cough as a child, and although it was harrowing, he survived.

Draw your own conclusions here!

However, I would now hope that you all might consider following up with your doctors to see if you should be vaccinated now as adults.

Out of guilt, I’d be willing to sweeten the deal by paying for whatever isn’t covered by your healthcare. (Tetanus shots, flu shots, etc. aren’t a bad idea either, although you’re on your own there!)

Also, I want to apologize to [Sister], [Sister] and [Brother] for the time we went to the geneticist who took punch core samples of your skin for testing.

We had no idea–and there’s no excuse for our ignorance–that it would be a process painfully administered without anesthesia. I feel traumatized to this day, so I can’t imagine how awful it was for you.

I was reminded of those procedures recently when I heard Nobel Prize-winning geneticist, George Church tell his story on The Moth: My Life as a Guinea Pig.

I love you all dearly!

So, I didn’t get them on my own in contradiction to my parents’ decisions, but at their request, after they realized they had made a mistake. –affixqc

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Don’t be afraid to ask your doctor about concerns—they’ve done this many times before.

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When my daughter was born, we were terrified of the mercury. We asked a doctor, who explained everything to us clearly.

The poor doc had that look though— “Oh shit, not this again”… –cat_of_danzig

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In fact, this redditor got an idea of how much doctors have to explain the necessity of vaccinations.

When we had our first kid, we were shopping around for a pediatrician, and I was astounded how many doctors specifically told us they would only be our general doc if the children were vaccinated.

I had no idea how often they must have that conversation.

Apparently, in some places, the percent of anti-vaxxer parents is as high as 10%.

The number of parents who are reluctant to give their kids vaccines can be as high as 25%. –dsf900

Keep reading for a crazy story of how far one parent went to prevent their child from receiving certain types of medical attention.

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Sometimes understanding takes a while, and now this redditor needs all their shots together.

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My parents were very against it.

Never particularly vocal about it, but growing up, my schools would organize mass vaccinations for all the kids (MMR, etc.) and I was always mysteriously off sick those days.

My school never noticed, and I was always pretty happy as I have a terrible phobia of needles and never really understood the health implications.

I’ve never had any health problems, but I’ve had partners weirded out by it. I was dating one guy who didn’t want to go near me once he found out I hadn’t had any vaccinations. That felt odd.

Last year there was a measles outbreak at my university, and I was very nervous about it.

Called my parents for advice and their response? “Go get the vaccine.”

Classic.

I’m guessing their opinions have changed over the years, but they’re too proud to say outright that maybe they were wrong and their children’s health could now be at risk.

About time I got the rest of them done! –1742587

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This redditor’s mother was not only anti-vaccination, but anti-doctor altogether. It resulted in a medical emergency.

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My mother is just plain crazy when it comes to medical topics, and thinks that hospitals and doctors only want your money.

So I was never vaccinated. For a little insight into the craziness, when I was 14, I was a breath away from dying from a burst appendix.

My mother refused to take me to the hospital despite the pain.

It was only when I started urinating blood that my father said he was taking me to the hospital. I was in and out of consciousness while he carried me to the car.

My mom physically fought him as he carried me.

I was medevaced to a larger hospital and had emergency surgery. The doctor told me in recovery that the infection was spreading to other organs, and my body was starting to shut down.

If it had been a couple of hours or more, it would have been too late.

Fast forward four years later when I joined the Army…the gauntlet of shots I received to get all the vaccinations was something else.

I literally walked almost naked down a row with multiple medical staff on each side poking me with needles everywhere as I was told to keep walking forward and not stop.

I am 35 now and feel just as healthy now as I did as a kid.

Never had any other issues except for a hernia from strenuous exercise. Vaccinations do more good than harm. –Kukulcan83

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Lack of vaccination lead to a terrible bout of whooping cough for this redditor—and four siblings!

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My parents used to not vaccinate me or any of my four siblings, but when I was like three years old me, and my siblings all came down with whooping cough.

It scarred my lungs, and I have yellow stains on my teeth because the high fevers cooked my adult teeth inside my head. My parents vaccinated us after that.

I am not and have never been mad or spiteful toward my parents for not vaccinating me.

They were just naive, and doing what they thought was best for my siblings and me. –Volcano_gurl

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Herd immunity is the key to ridding ourselves of dangerous contagious diseases.

What people don’t understand about vaccination is it isn’t just there to protect the vaccinated.

It protects the “herd” (herd immunity); the people who can’t be vaccinated for whatever reason.

This is part of the reason being vaccinated if you’re able to be is so important. You’re not only protecting yourself.

You’re protecting those around you whose immune systems aren’t up to it and could be hugely negatively impacted by their fellow neighbors refusing for their own uneducated reasons. –hihelloneighboroonie

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This child of anti-vaxxers has plenty of reason to discontinue tradition.

My dad was the anti-vaxxer, my mom was mostly ambivalent. Neither my brother or I were vaccinated at birth, and I didn’t get my shots until I turned 19.

My brother had to get a tetanus shot once when he was six, due to an injury. It burned my dad up for a while.

His reasoning was typical: he believed that the mercury in the vaccines would cause us to somehow develop autism.

My parents were also pretty hippy-dippy compared to most baby boomers, so they were concerned about chemicals and all that as well.

Jokes on them, though, because both my brother and I have [Aspergers] regardless of being unvaccinated.

It was always a pain in the ass whenever we had to do school-related paperwork or field trip stuff because my parents would have to produce a letter stating that it was their “religious right” to keep us “untainted” by vaccination (we were never a religious family).

I wasn’t a super sickly child (with a few exceptions), but my younger brother suffered a lot.

He got pneumonia when he was little, like 3-4. They had to keep him in the hospital and I remember my dad taking care of me at home while my mom stayed in the room with my brother.

About a year or two after that he got walking pneumonia and again was hospitalized.

He’s also allergic to damn near everything and has bad asthma now. He has epilepsy, and we both have chronic migraines.

I never had anything seriously life-threatening in terms of illness, but there was a nearly yearlong period where I had strep throat almost every other week.

I should have had my tonsils out (they wanted to intubate me at one point but for whatever reason changed their minds?), but my dad threw a fit about having any surgeries performed.

I also developed shingles when I was 13, which my father initially treated as poison ivy and left mostly untreated until my mother intervened.

I still have little to no feeling on swatches of the left side of my body from the blister scars. That sucked.

I did, however, have to get my vaccinations when I turned 18 and enrolled in college. He was not pleased about that, and actually, we didn’t talk for almost a year because of my decision to get vaccinated.

Eventually, we worked things out, but it took a while. I’ll be vaccinating any children I may have in the future, though.

Tl;dr: wasn’t vaccinated until I chose to do so myself as a legal adult bc parents were afraid of autism.

My brother and I were sick a lot as a kid, with some really preventable and stupid illnesses. I plan on vaccinating any children I have. –Larktoothe

Keep reading to see how one member of Reddit shut down their family’s objections like a boss!

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Here’s how one redditor put it to their anti-vaxxer grandpa:

My grandpa is convinced on the whole vaccines cause autism thing.

When I was pregnant with my first kid, he harped on it so much until I finally said, “it doesn’t cause autism, but even if it did I would still do it. I’d rather have an autistic kid than a dead one.”

Shut him up fairly well. –HCGB

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This child of anti-vaxxers changed their mind about it after seeing the effects first-hand.

My mom is against vaccines, and I grew up in a very anti-vaccine school and was treated by homeopathic and holistic doctors.

I used to believe all that. Then I started med school and changed my mind to “vaccines aren’t bad, but they aren’t necessary.”

Then I did a rotation at a pediatric hospital in the neurological area. That was a huge eye opener!! Meningitis is an awful disease, and anti-vaxxers never talk about it.

The children I saw were the ones that survived and had brain damage afterward.

It was awful to see kids that could have had a perfectly normal life to end up like that. –anesthesiagirl

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This redditor got their MMR vaccine in the nick of time.

My parents were against the MMR vaccination as my older brother was diagnosed with Aspergers shortly after he received it.

I’m the youngest child and so never got the jab, even though mumps actually caused my mum to go half deaf as a teenager.

It always made me uncomfortable knowing I wasn’t protected and I was of a strong mind to do it eventually, but of course it’s hard going against your parents’ beliefs when they felt so strongly at what had happened to them.

To me it felt like a form of denial of the autism in the family, which they see as much worse than it is—my brother is an amazing guy, and they should give him more credit.

Before you go to Uni you have to get a meningitis jab; while I was at the doctor’s, the doctor suggested giving me the MMR.

I told her my parents were against it and she said she’d give it to me now and then in a few months I could tell them and prove that I was absolutely fine. So I did that.

A few months after receiving the full vaccination, my flatmate and close friend got diagnosed with rubella.

It spread all over her body causing glandular and scarlet fever, she spent over a month in the hospital and was in a fatal position.

If I hadn’t done it at that moment, I could’ve been in serious trouble. And rubella isn’t common here at all.

So if in doubt about going behind their backs, do it for yourself and your own safety, and that’s the only excuse you need. –lazyswayz

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Pro tip: protect yourself from cancer wherever you can.

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When the HPV vaccine came out, there was a bunch of stories on the news about girls having poor reactions to it, getting seizures, comas.

Most of it nonsense, but my mother saw the news stories and chose not to get me vaccinated. But then, right after college I had a brief bout of thyroid cancer and decided I would take every precaution I could to not get more cancer.

So I got the shots. I think at the time I didn’t tell my mom, but afterward, it came up.

She was more huffy than anything else, and defended her thoughts at the time, but accepted my decision and reasoning. –xrf_rcc

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This redditor caught three diseases that could have been prevented with one shot.

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My parents never explicitly said they were anti-vaccine to me, but I was never vaccinated as a child.

I actually caught Measles, Mumps, and Rubella on separate occasions, luckily diagnosed quickly enough to not cause any major health implications long term, but still a pretty miserable experience each time.

So yeah, thanks for that. –otto82

Finally, read up on the next page about one redditor’s reliance on ‘herd immunity’ (and family troubles because of it), plus an Autistic person’s response to anti-vaxxer concerns.

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One redditor can’t even visit the in-laws.

I am immunosuppressed due to transplant, and my husband’s side of the family are anti-vaxxers.

I don’t think they believe I’m serious about not attending family gatherings ever again.

I know I can bump into a nonvaccinated person by just being out in public, but if I can avoid a known risk, I’m going to do it.

Thank you, everyone, who’s had their shots for helping keep me alive and healthy!! –auntiepink

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Tragedy turned this redditor’s mom into an anti-vaxxer.

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My story is a bit complex. My mother is an avid anti-vaxxer, but didn’t become that way until after my late sister died.

She blamed the vaccines she got a few weeks before her death (she was 3 months old) for it, instead of the SIDS tragedy it was.

My next youngest sibling was ‘allergic’ to eggs, and so didn’t get any vaccines until she was 8, after my parents were divorced and we had to move to a new state with new laws.

My two youngest siblings have never been vaccinated against anything. –MomentoMoriBenn

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Even if vaccinations and autism were linked (they aren’t), autistic people are here to tell us it’s not the worst thing that could happen.

As an autistic person here as well it hurts to know that so many parents think it’s the worst possible thing that could happen to their child.

I would think dying of measles ranks a bit higher on that scale. –el1414

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This redditor had a scare after a childhood of anti-vaccination rhetoric.

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My mom had a child who became brain damaged during birth due to a hole in the umbilical cord.

She became convinced that there was some malpractice cover-up and gradually that all of medicine is one big conspiracy.

I stopped getting vaccines around 10 due to a mysterious ailment I had that turned out to be recurrent benign positional paroxysmal vertigo.

For some reason, doctors couldn’t figure it out and thought I had brain cancer.

My mom became convinced it was vaccine-related, and claimed she “traced my vaccine” and it was a “bad batch” that had killed a boy who got it.

I stopped getting vaccines and turned in forms to school every year claiming “personal objection” exemption from all vaccines from that point on.

I ended up deciding to become a biomedical scientist and enrolled in a Ph.D. program.

The Hep B vaccine was recommended for all students, and I received the first course of the vaccine…and then mentioned it to my mom.

She FLIPPED OUT.

She told me she couldn’t believe I would do something so stupid, and that there were so many bad reactions I could have and they didn’t all happen immediately.

I started reading horror stories online about bad Hep B shot reactions. And I panicked.

I really thought I may have done something really stupid.

This was pretty ironic since I was in a science Ph.D. program, but I was still making sense of what part of my childhood brainwashing was true and still coming to my own belief system.

In my hesitation/uncertainty, I failed to get the next dose of the Hep B shot in the required time window. I did intend to get it, but I forgot about it in the craziness of grad school.

Fast forward to my 3rd year; I was studying liver cancer and working with a liver cancer cell line called Hep3B.

I was reading the literature and stumbled on a paper that said that scientists had found that Hep3B cells are infected…with LIVE HEPATITIS B VIRUS.

That was really terrifying because I had been working with them for months and definitely had not taken the precautions you are supposed would take if you are working with active human pathogens.

The fact that I passed up a free HepB shot and could have stupidly contracted HepB really crystallized the importance of vaccines for me that day.

I didn’t ever have obvious symptoms of HepB, but nonetheless, I worried that I might have it up until I got pregnant with my daughter and tested negative during the prenatal tests.

Needless to say, my daughter has gotten 100% of her vaccines and will continue to. I chose for her a pediatrician who refuses to see patients who don’t get all of their vaccines on schedule.

I don’t even want to share a waiting room with unvaxxed kids. –the_real_dairy_queen

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Some parents have selective hearing when it comes to vaccines.

My mum was completely against vaccinations.

I only got the MMR by mistake because they didn’t ask the parents – just lined us up outside the library and we went in one by one.

She was furious when I told her what had happened.

I caught whooping cough at age 34, and it was hell.

My partner hates her for putting me through that. I’ve since had a few vaccinations for travel, as has my younger sister.

Neither of us would ever tell our mother that we have had them though.

There was a slight hint a few years back, and she was already through the roof before my sister corrected herself and lied to cover the mention.

We will never tell her. –realbasilisk

Like this story? Share and spread the word of these redditors’ firsthand accounts of the dangers associated with a lack of vaccinations.

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from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/30-children-of-anti-vaxxers-tell-their-stories/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/176965626227