#both disabled specifically due to missing a body part

[coma-collection]

ooouygshhshdhd I’m about to write a whole fucking essay on coma symbolizing grief as a driving force for the fury road characters

[stog-bozo]

Canceled Broadcast [GENLOSS AU]

yeah this is just a ‘RGB + carisal carosoul carousol [You see me search caresill on google]

This is an ‘RGB trio+ Carousel Crew survive’ AU again. I broke it down into parts

part1: The mall

part2: the town

part3: escaped

I probably wont do a fic or anything but still, for simplicity.

Part 1 is under the cut

So it takes place after Ranboo gets boxed. We start with Niki waking up in her “Dressing Room” with a note saying ‘Our dearest apologies, but the show in which you air apart of will no longer air due to cancellation. You will be dispatched shortly.’ She knows that means she’ll die so she manages to sneak out and runs into Vinny and Ethan, who both had the same idea. They find out the mall still has some supplies and find bag to carry stuff. However as they all looking for a way out they see TVs replaying Ranboo’s death for the crew to ‘watch’ their hard work come to fruition. Ethan convinces Niki and Vinny to go back and grab the other four. They were thankfully somehow “fixed” already before the founder announced there would be no more shows, so they grab them and dip. Some employees find them and Niki gets to hit one with a big ass wrench. They escape the mall and find that they are in a completely abandoned town that hasnt seen life since the 80s.

Important details: Vinny’s face and parts of his upper body have burn scars, his eyesight is impaired due to how close the burns were to them, he can see but specifically his peripheral vision is worse

Ethan got out of his death without any major or permanent physical stuff, he was stabbed to death while an employee played Beast Noises Stock Audio #8 (audio jungle). His cuts and wounds are still sore to touch however

Niki has chronic migraines and the bullet just missed her spine, but damage was still done. She would need at least a cain

(My headcannons for) Austin and Sneeg werent crushed to death, instead employees came and broke their bones badly so they didnt have to add the sound effect later in post. Sneeg managed to escape before his damage got as bad as Austins’, his left upper arm and entire right arm and hand are fucked up forever though.

Austin got his entire skeletal structure fucked up though. Even after being “fixed” he has chronic pain and would need forearm crutches and maybe even a wheelchair

Charlie, due to the force of being slammed to the ground by the wire monster, shattered his pelvis, tailbone, and lower spine. Showfall’s medical staff could only do so much, he can technically walk but needs to take painkillers to avoid the extreme pain. Niki and Austin do as well, but in all of Part1+2 they give them to Charlie. He also has internal organ issues due to the surgery scene.

Ranboo would have awful pain in their neck and jaw. Due to the spikes their face muscles experience difficulty and pain when they emote. The inside of his mouth would also be tender and he’d have to be careful eating sharper foods (chips, crackers, etc). His wrists would also have scarring due to the crucifixion.

While Charlie, Austin, and Niki would technically be ambulatory aid users during part1+2, by part3 due to injuries not healing right and not having aids when they still NEEDED them, they would become fully dependent on their aids

If I used any of the wrong language or anything while talking about physical disability please tell me (<- able bodied)

[sketchyschipperke]

(IDs under cut bc they're long)

Some sketches I did over the last year of visibly disabled characters/concept art for a novel I'm writing in which human-animal hybrids are often disabled (mentally too, but those aren't specifically depicted here) due to the animal parts and human parts not meshing well. I am open to constructive criticism only from disabled people about the portrayals of the disabilities.

[ID #1: A sketchy, uncolored digital art piece depicting 7 characters strewn about the page in no particular organization. Notes are written next to each character describing their features. When necessary, the notes will be transcribed, but most are self-explanitory.

Character 1 is a woman in a plain sleeveless top, pants, and shoes, with her hair in a ponytail, very small eyes, and large bat-like ears in the place where human ears would be, bat wings in place of arms, and shoes that are bending upward. The note to the left reads "malformed toes".

Character 2 is a woman with featherlike hair, microtia, and a wide-eyed stare wearing a plain shirt and shorts. She is holding her arms in a t-rex pose and leaning awkwardly to the side. She has small wings attached to her rib cage on the right and hip on the left, a thick and malformed left leg, and a right leg that looks like a bird's. Both legs are bending inward at awkward angles, especially the right.

Character 3 is a teenage boy with down's syndrome who is smiling. He is wearing a plain t-shirt and shorts and a collar on his neck, and his hair is short and straight. He has floppy dog ears in the location of where human ears would be and a tail reminiscent of a Pomeranian. His feet are severely pigeon-toed and his hands/fingers are malformed and vary in size.

Character 4 is a boy wearing a plain shirt and pants. His face is bent too far down to be seen, and his hair is straight and short. He has hooves instead of feet and his legs are so bent that his knees are almost touching the ground. On his head are large horns reminiscent of a Texas Longhorn cow, placed unevenly. The caption for this reads "crooked, oversized horns destroy neck muscles".

Character 5 is a small woman sitting on the ground with one knee pointing up and the other knee pointing forward in a "W" sit. She has short, wavy hair and is clutching one arm to her chest while staring intensely into the distance with heavy eyebags. The caption above her head reads "heavily dissociated due to trauma" and "rabbitish facial structure". She has rabbit-like ears in the location of human ones, which droop down, a rabbit-like tail, and elongated feet resembling a rabbit's. The caption to the right reads "poor posture from disability and abuse (difficulty standing/walking)".

Character 6 is a girl facing away from us while sitting criss-cross on the ground. She is wearing a plain shirt and shorts and has her hair in pigtails. We can see the stump of an amputated leg, but the rest of her limbs are hidden. Two growths that resemble insect legs are attached to her neck. Crooked on her back are a pair of fly-like wings, the left one partially ripped off.

Character 7 is a woman with curly/kinky hair that is tied partially up in pigtails. She sits in a wheelchair and is wearing a plain sleeveless shirt and a midi-length skirt. Her left arm is congenitally amputated at the elbow, and both of her feet are congenitally amputated. Her right arm is resting on the armrest of the wheelchair. She has patches of fish scales covering her body, especially her arm stump which is almost entirely scales. Her visible ear is missing the top half and she wears a hanging earring, and there is a close-up sketch next to it as her hair partially covers it. She also has vestigial gills on her face and neck and aniridia. The caption to the right reads "weak legs".

End ID #1.]

[ID #2: A traditional art sketch on lined paper that depicts a girl with a cane and a closeup of the cane.

The girl has her hair in a bob, and no facial features are drawn except a large birthmark on the left of her face. She has wolf-like ears on the sides of her head, slightly above where human ears would be. She wears a plain shirt with bows on the shoulders, a necklace, plain shorts, and socks, and has a wolf-like tail. Her knees are bending backward slightly and her feet are malformed and barely differentiable from her legs. She is leaning on a her cane.

The cane has three legs and a flat top, and is decorated with a simple outdoor scene. From the bottom to the top, it is a field of flowers, a sunrise, daytime sky with clouds, and nighttime sky with stars.

End ID #2.]

[ID #3: A traditional art sketch on lined paper that depicts a girl with plain forearm crutches.

She has curly/kinky hair that falls to her shoulders, sheep-like ears where human ears would be, and is wearing a plain shirt, cardigan, necklace, and shorts. Her left ear has a rip in it and there are two large scars on her face over her left eye and right jaw. No other facial features are defined. She is leaning on her forearm crutches. Her feet are malformed and barely differentiable from her legs.

End ID #3.]

[medical-group]

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[werevulvi]

You know how often I ask myself, why can't I just be normal? It's quite a lot. I wanna talk about something I've never told anyone before, aside from a few strangers online. I've suppressed this my whole life, since childhood. I've acted with anger towards others with the same thing as me, told them how it's offensive and awful. Refused to allow myself to even think about my own urges and desires. It worked for a long time, until I wrote my book this summer, a fiction story about a couple who end up disabled from their dangerous work as assassins. My intentions were just... to try to give good representation and explore something I knew very little about.

So I did a lot of research into my characters' disabilities, and even briefly pretended to have those specific disabilities at home alone, just to get an idea of what it's like to manage daily life with them. It was just a writer's thing, just being a dedicated writer, I told myself, as I researched those disabilities far more in-depth than I did about assassins...

At one point, I would cover my eye with a makeshift eye patch, as one of my main character's loses an eye, and I... it brought forth what I had suppressed my whole life, and I can't suppress it anymore as a result of that. The bottled feelings have escaped and I can't put them back in again.

I think I have Body Integrity Identity Disorder (BIID.) There, I said it.

It's a very rare mental illness that makes you want to become disabled, usually in some very specific way. Most are males, and most desire amputation, but it can pertain to wanting blindness, deafness, or I guess, any conceivable disability. There's only been a few thousand reported cases, but it's also said to be a very secret disorder, so numbers are probably not accurate. It's very poorly researched, poorly understood, and still not recognized as an actual disorder. So you can't be diagnosed with it currently, and there are no set criteria for it. However, it will be in the upcoming ICD-11 (the International Classification of Diseases.) It will then also be re-named to Body Integrity Dysphoria (BID) as it's being recognized as a form of dysphoria, and as a neurological condition.

And now for the obligatory life story:

I don't remember when it started, but as a child, I'd say roughly age 5 or 7, I was obsessed with fictional characters that had a distinct scar over one eye, and either blind in that eye or entirely missing it. I would on occasion play around with a hand covering one eye, and wished I could have that for real. For a long time, I didn't know why I was so obsessed with that. If I was just admiring that kinda physical feature, or wanted it myself, or both. Throughout my teens and adulthood thus far, I've made a lot of drawings of people with only one eye, and scarred faces. I wrote another book back in 2013 with one of the main characters being a woman with a large scar across half her face. I've always been a little too fascinated with facial deformities, having only one eye, and facial assymmetry. And I've tried to express it with assymmetrical makeup looks (not made to look like I'm injured) throughout my teens and 20's.

So it's been with me for a very long time, even though I've tried super hard to suppress it, and tried to tell myself that I should just be happy to have a mostly abled body. But that wish/urge/whatever it is, has never gone away.

When I first heard of BIID, back in 2016 or so, I was angry, and thought of people with it as despicable. I was in deep denial of how much I could relate to them. Didn't want to think of that. But since learning more about the condition, and listening to others who have it, and learning it is actually a real condition... I guess that has helped me eventually come to this point that, well fuck... it me.

Up until recently, I thought it was just a self-harm desire, as I used to be a cutter, but now I understand that the self-harm was not the intention behind what I want with that, but merely the means to achieve it. Kinda like how I wanted to cut my own tits off before I had my double mastectomy. It wasn't about specifically wanting to injure my chest, but to not have tits anymore, and I much preferred the much safer way of doing it, through proper surgery. However, wanting half my face re-arranged is a little bit harder to achieve through elective surgery, even if surgeons were allowed to treat BIID through surgery. So I do not think my desire to get rid of my left eye and surrounding tissues is about wanting to harm myself. It's about wanting to have and live with the result of such an injury. Although I get that might be very unimaginable.

So then, have I ever made any attempts?

Yeah... I have. Once, I think it was when I was 22, I took a blade to my face, but chickened out, and ended up only making a very superficial cut on my cheek, which I was then extremely ashamed of. I didn't want for people to find out I had made it myself. Since then, I've stopped self-harming and have no desire to make a second attempt. I'm scared I'd fuck it up and cause damage I don't want, or... not enough damage. And I'm worried I'd be beyond myself with shame if I would take out my own eye and then other people would show sympathy for my injury, knowing I'd have caused it myself. I just kinda wish it would happen accidentally somehow.

So, to clarify, my BIID targets my left eye and left side of my face. Why left? Honestly because I'm deaf since birth on my left ear, so it would be extremely inconvenient to be deaf on one side and blind on the other. Much more manageable to have one side be blind-deaf and the other fully seeing and hearing. But at first it didn't matter to me so much which side of my face would be affected. I have no desire to become an amputee or fully blind. I also don't have a fetish for disabled people.

Would I date a disabled person?

Yes, but that's because some attractive people just so happen to be disabled, and I wouldn't think I'm particularly judgemental, not that I find their disabilities in and of themselves attractive.

I try to quell this desire, to lose an eye and half my face, by on occasion wearing an eye patch in secrecy. I know it can worsen my vision, but why on Earth would I mind that? It's kinda what I want. But my mom almost caught me wearing it today as she came by for a quick visit, and I have worn it at the grocery store, and out and about in my village. It feels so damn right, yet so fucking wrong...

Let's tackle this question as well: Do I feel like an ass towards disabled people?

Yes and no. Thing is, I'm already disabled myself. I'm not an abled person to begin with. I live on permanent sickness compensation, classified unable to work, for life, with little to no chance at improvement, due to my autism and adhd. I have the energy levels of an old cellphone that drops to 2% battery ten minutes after being fully charged every time. And I hate it. I hate that there's so much in life that I'll probably never be able to do. So disability, is already part of my life, and always has been. So why then would I want to become more disabled, instead of less? Well, yeah that is what I want...

I've faced a shit ton of ableism since childhood, and I actually think that's why I got BIID. Because my actual disability is invisible and not taken seriously in society. And I think that's what I deep down want: to just have my disability be visible and taken seriously. Physical disabilities are taken more seriously. I've even heard that straight from the mouths of people who have both mental and physical disabilities. How often have I not been called lazy for something I've been literally unable to do, just because I "look" capable? How often do I get to hear I "don't seem autistic?" How often do I get told that autism is not even a disability, but merely a personality trait and being socially awkward? How often do I get told I would be able to work if I just tried harder? All. The. Fucking. Time.

I think that's why, ever since I was a child, I've wanted to have a physical disability, which is fully visible, and cannot be ignored. And what's more visible than the face? We interact with it the most. Because I don't really want to be less capable or lose a lot of movement, I just want for my already disabled existence to be visibly disabled.

So that's a big reason for why I think I have BIID. Which is to say, I don't feel like I'm being an ass towards disabled people, because I'm already disabled to begin with, merely wishing I was more disabled and in a more visible way. Had I been abled to begin with, I think that would have been different, but even abled people with BIID don't choose to have this condition. I read a quote from a person with BIID, who got the amputation he wanted, and he said basically that he didn't know what's worse, having BIID or being disabled. I can relate to that. And I think that is the irony here, that simply having BIID is like being disabled in and of itself already.

That said, however, I do understand why disabled people would be greatly offended, angry, or otherwise insulted, by people with BIID. Honestly I cannot understand why they would not be. I'm greatly offended by people who say they wish they were autistic! And I'm offended at myself for wishing I had a facial deformity and only one eye. Why do I want this!? I keep trying to shake sense into myself. It's what's causing my shame and wishing I could just be normal. No disabilities, and no wish for disabilities I don't have. That'd be great.

There is one more aspect I also feel the need to tackle: Transabled.

BIID has recently been rather often labeled as "transabled" in the same vein as "transracial" (wanting to be another race) and transgender. As a transsexual, this comparison is of course something that I have not missed. I'm painfully aware. This is how I see it, alright: Although I do feel like my body integrity dysphoria is incredibly similar to my sex dysphoria, I feel like it would be extremely rude and tone deaf to identify as for example vision impaired, deaf or an amputee, without actually having those disabilities. And I do not know if anyone actually does this. As far as I've seen, some people with BIID may pretend to have the disability they want (like with me walking around with an eye patch despite having no medical need for it) but they don't lie about it, or they try hard to avoid ending up in a situation where they'd feel pressured to lie. So I dunno how much validity there even is in anyone with BIID genuinely identifying as transabled. But regardless of that, I think it's absolutely abhorrent to identify as disabled in ways you are not. And I'd never tell anyone that I'm missing an eye when I do not.

So, I really do not like the term "transabled" and much prefer the BIID and BID terms. I do not like BIID being conflated with being transgender, although I want to very carefully say that the two conditions are so incredibly similar, that... I think that's another big reason I ended up with both. That I've always felt a strong disconnect from my body, which has merely expressed itself in a wide array of ways, ranging from sex dysphoria to body integrity dysphoria, dissociation and even having previously identified as otherkin. I don't think that's a coincidence at all. But then what caused all of that? I don't think there is a simple answer, but a multitude of reasons, and it may even connect with my autism as well as my trauma.

So, I'd say most likely it's caused by a cocktail of neurological and social issues. I was just clearly meant to be a broken person, making the most of my life with the sucky cards I was dealt, and on good days... I guess I'm kinda okay with that. At least it's not boring. Let's end on that not super tragic note. Feel free to ask me anything, if you’ve got any questions.

[crossoversfics]

Boy Genius (Chapter 3)

(Spencer Reid x Malcolm Bright)

He had seen them arrive and when JT went over to greet the FBI agents Malcolm stayed put. Making nice with the agency just wasn’t on his to do list today. That did not, however, mean he hadn’t begun to profile their new coworkers the moment they showed up. It was less than a minute before JT was calling him over, but it was enough.

Malcolm turned and walked over to them, making sure to keep his micro expressions in check. In a matter of seconds he would learn whether these agents knew about him or not, and he wasn’t looking forward to it.

JT introduced him, “Agents this is Malcolm Bright, NYPD profiler. Bright this is-.”

“Agent Morgan,” Malcolm stuck out his hand, and Morgan shook it firmly, “And Dr. Reid”. He did not extend his hand to the doctor, but nodded instead, to which the doctor replied with a small smile.

A sideways glance told him JT was confused, he sighed, “Detective, I’m not deaf, I heard your conversation when they arrived.” 

The response was a massive eye roll from JT and a chuckle from Agent Morgan. So far so good. Neither of the agents had seem startled by his presence. 

“All right, smart ass,” JT grunted, “Let’s get to work then.”

He led both agents over to the dump site with Malcolm following just behind. 

“Both bodies were found lying in this hallway. It had been closed due to construction so that’s why the bodies hadn’t been found before we were called.” JT explained.

“Did the Unsub leave anything behind? Footprints, fingerprints, DNA?” Agent Morgan crouched looking up and down the hallway.

“Nothing that we have identified yet. What did you mean by Unsub?” JT inquired folding his arms.

“It means Unidentified Subject of the Investigation.” Dr. Reid said absently as he walked down the hall a bit, “Have we gotten anything from the CCTV footage?”

JT shook his head ruefully, “There was no footage. The techs said that the cameras had been disabled just before the phone call came into the station.”

Agent Morgan stood, “Surprise surprise, but all the same we should have it sent to our tech analyst Garcia. She might be able to make something of it.” He put his hands on his hips, “This hallway is a dead end, so the only way he could have dumped the bodies here was through the entrance we just came through. There would have been too many people.” He stopped and called out to Dr. Reid who had wandered down the hallway, “Hey, kid what’s going on in that big brain of yours?”

“Just a hunch.” The doctor replied.

“If you’re looking for the trapdoor it’s not above you,” Malcolm spoke after watching them for awhile. He made his way down the hall and gestured to the large tile squares beneath them, “Its below.” 

He knelt down and ran his finger above the cracked sealant around one of the squares, “I haven’t pulled it up yet because the forensic team needs to go over it but I’m sure this is how he got in.”

“He most likely made the phone call from here too and then he could reconnect the cameras and watch us find the bodies.” Reid surmised looking down at him.

Malcolm nodded, “That was my thought as well.” He turned to JT and Morgan, “He spent a long time planning this.”

Neither of them replied. Malcolm swiveled back to Dr. Reid who was looking at him intently.

“Do I know you from somewhere?” 

Malcolm felt his temperature rising, but the very next second he willed himself to remain completely calm, “I can’t say I’ve had the pleasure, doctor.”

Reid nodded slowly, his mouth slightly agape, “Yeah, sorry must just be my brain mixing you up with someone else.”

Malcolm forced himself to smile, “Not a problem.” He brought himself to a standing position and shoved his right hand in his pocket, “Is there anything else either of you would like to see?”

Agent Morgan shook his head, “I think we’re good for now, how about you, kid?”

“Yeah, all good here.” The doctor replied still glancing at Malcolm.

“All right then we’ll meet you guys back at the station.” JT said to Agent Morgan.

“Sounds good.” He replied.

                                                                  ~

Reid finished rereading the last of the case files they had on Dr. Arthur, and glanced at his watch. It had taken him thirty minutes and forty-six seconds which was a lot longer than it normally took him. His gaze drifted to the same thing it had been ever since they had arrived at the station. Or rather the same person. 

“This is Malcolm Bright, NYPD profiler.” 

Bright was sitting across from him going through his own stack of case files, seemingly absorbed in his work. Reid wasn’t sure what it was that bothered him about the man, but there was something, off. At first, he’d thought it was some sort of vanity on his part. It was overtly apparent that Bright was the NYPD’s darker, more worldly version of Reid. The way he read a crime scene without much more than a glance spoke of immense talent and he was clearly intelligent, probably more than he let on. 

The more he thought about it, however, the more he didn’t think it could be all excused away by something as petty as jealousy. The one thing he was sure of, Bright did not care for the FBI. Reid had watched Bright bristle in a conversation with Rossi over why he hadn’t applied at the BAU. It was the smallest clench of his right fist that gave it away. There was something there...

“Dr. Reid?” 

A voice floated past him and then echoed in his head as he realized someone was talking to him.

“Yes, sorry.” Reid blinked and his eyes focused in on Bright’s questioning expression.

“No problem. I just wasn’t sure you heard Dani say they got ID’s on the two victims.” Bright handed him another file.

“I did not, thank you.” Reid took the folder and opened it. Time to focus, he chastised himself. After he finished, he looked up to see see Bright eyeing him with a raised eyebrow.

“I’ve never actually met someone with an eidetic memory before. I’d imagine it would be very useful.” 

Reid smiled slightly, “Yes, along with its fair share of drawbacks, and the statistics for an adult having an eidetic memory are-”

“Less than one percent,” Bright finished for him. 

Reid pressed his lips together and nodded. He didn’t try to contain his surprise that Bright knew the statistics, instead he moved back to the case.

“Speaking of memory, all of the victims have a lot of background in research or the study of memories. All of them were highly educated, successful, and popular.” A thought struck him, “You know, early on in this case we theorized that Dr. Arthur wasn’t his actual name and that he was most likely not from the same pedigree as his victims.”

Bright nodded while he massaged his right hand, “That could lead to a couple of possibilities. He could have been undereducated or poor and he resents those of a higher social, educational, or economic status than him. The problem with that theory is all of these victims seem, specific. They don’t read like targets of opportunity.”

Reid agreed, “So he must stalk them then. In all cases, the victims weren’t missed for several days and that takes extensive planning.”

“Yes, but why?” Bright stood up and inspected the board, “There’s no criminal history, no dirty laundry in the families, and none of them are involved in any type of ground-breaking research or controversial studies. The last two, Tate Medford and Juan Santos, were still working on their PhD’s.”

Reid tapped his finger on the table as he thought, “The torture clearly makes him a sadist, and we established that he is a pyromaniac just based on his obsession with fire and explosions.”

“So its safe to say he was probably abused, probably by a male figure, a father maybe. I’d say an intelligent one too.” Bright mused.

“What makes you say that?” 

Reid glanced over his shoulder and saw that Hotch, Lieutenant Gil, Detective Powell, and JJ had come in. It was JJ that had asked the question.

Bright was now facing them too, “Well, just based on the victims he chooses. They all scored in the thirty’s on the ACT or over 1100 on the SAT, they all went to Ivy league schools or were enrolled in one, salutatorians, valedictorians, debate team champs, editors of the school papers, top athletes, they had scholarships, and I could go on and on and on. It looks like he is obsessed with what society deems intelligent or smart.”  

Reid licked his lips, “I agree. It all points to him being angry or at the very least needing a substitute for someone in his life that was very smart.”

“Well why does he need two of them then?” Detective Powell asked with a frown, “and then why does he just go bomb random buildings?”

“That’s the part that just doesn’t make any sense.” JJ replied, “You would think that if it was intelligence he was targeting then he would be bombing schools and museums, but its just old warehouses or apartments.”

The Lieutenant sighed, “I’d say there is a whole lot more that doesn’t make sense besides all that.”

A phone went off and everyone turned to look for the source of the sound. It seemed to be coming from Bright.

He pulled out his device, glanced at the screen, and frowned, “Sorry, I have to take this.” 

Reid noted a look that passed between Lieutenant Arroyo and Bright before he left the room but it was gone as quick as it appeared. 

Hotch sat down in a chair next to Reid, “A bomb will be going off without warning any time now. If we want a chance at stopping it we need to complete this profile so the police know what they are looking for.”

Everyone nodded and got to work. As he started reading the file on the two new victims again he realized that the uncomfortable feeling he had about Bright had temporarily disappeared but that phone call had brought it back. He needed to know why.    

[seaswalllow]

okay, so. incoming observations about the inaccessibility of healthcare, how it affects providers, and how it affects clients.

i'll put the rest below the cut because it got long. please keep in mind there are warnings for brief discussion of patient neglect.

this is not meant to be much more than a series of observations. this was spurred by a comment i read from twitter abt the inaccessibility of the healthcare field from the provider side encouraging rampant ableism; which i vehemently agree with.

so basically: healthcare? nightmare field to be involved with. the programs themselves are incredibly grueling, and even programs with good graduation rates see incredibly low rates; for a personal example, i knew a class that had started out with ~40 people. about five people graduated. now granted: this was an accelerated, two-year nursing program, and this does not consider people who wound up simply graduating a semester or two later. but: 5/40 people made it to the two year mark and graduated.

and like. this speaks to how fucking breakneck the speed is. all-nighters are common; even bragged about. college students with part time jobs are barely hanging on; if you've got a family? nd? disabled? working full-time with other concerns? you are Fucked, plainly speaking. so already you've got a disadvantage at who has the time and resources to even compete in these incredibly ruthless fields.

you're cutting down on the potential pool of candidates and nursing + the medical industry is already a field that Needs to hire more. and like: if you argue with me that "oh it's to weed out those not fit for the field" i will get to that issue. i will get to it. because holy god no i swear to god you can be competent it's just we have very unhealthy standards and the work environment is unnecessarily hostile which actually makes it WORSE for the patients

because the patients. dear gods the patients. holy god do they get the short end of the stick.

they face bias from their providers on every front: both the providers being hella overworked and the providers still lacking sensitivity to identify cultural like. differences. (yes, most nursing colleges probably have diversity training. there's something to be said about the rn makeup being so uniform that the training still doesn't catch the nuances. if you are white, oftentimes middleclass- which 80% of the nursing base is- you will still miss the more nuanced results of cultural upbringing. eg. pain tolerance, patient to provider communication, etc)

and even without the bias of being mostly treated by able-bodied, nt white ppl; the nurses are ridiculously overworked. 14 hour shifts, i've seen more happen. very high patient to provider load. i have seen patients that go without being bathed or cared for for days. i have seen (and heard of) overworked nurses attempting to help fill the roles of their peers, at the cost of the safety of their patients, or mismanaging medication completely on accident. i have seen patients miss meals because their presiding nurse or cna has been helping elsewhere.

this isn't to roast them for that, although i do recognize their culpability here and that nothing excuses patient neglect. this is to point out that the unnecessary "hustle culture" weeds out people who would've been a wonderful, wonderful asset to the field and damages not just the nurses but the patients!! because now there are less nurses to provide their input and assistance to the field, there are more patients, and everybody suffers in the end; especially the patients whom this entire healthcare model should be based around in the first place.

it's so weird. this healthcare model should be based around ensuring that patients get the best, individualized healthcare and yet they suffer the most because of this.

tldr the medical field is wholly inaccessible except to a very specific subsection and altho it's slowly slowly getting better it's not getting better quick enough and both providers and patients but especially patients suffer for it due to RAMPANT understaffing as a result of this

(yes, i know that it's so much more complicated than "hustle culture" but i was speaking towards a specific aspect that worsened patient care)

[beetlemancy]

Anon again: Thank you!! I appreciate you taking the time to answer me because I am kind of active in the community but very very new. I did know your opinions but being new I just wanted to know whether those recent posts held any weight. I want to be socially responsible with my media consumption and I was worried there was something I was missing, given I have seen specific call outs for certain cast members (Travis, Laura, Sam, and Liam) recently. Thanks again!!

Anon pt2: you don’t have to post this but for context the call out posts were as follows: Travis actively supports the military, Laura voiced a black character?, Sam did brown face??, and Liam is fake woke/virtual signaling (or something along those lines). Obviously I can find out information about this for myself but I have seen more anti-CR stuff lately which prompted my ask.

As with everything, I suggest you do your own reading on those topics, and any topic that comes up in regards to the media you watch. Below is simply my opinion. Note: this gets long.

Travis does support the military - but not as an institution. He has family in the military. He supports the soldiers. He works with Operation Supply Drop and I’d encourage you to look into OSD specifically. Whether you agree with the idea that we should even have a military or not, you cannot deny that our veterans and soldiers are given the short end of the stick. We cannot just abandon them because helping them might be viewed as giving money to the military. I have so many military vets in my disability groups. The VA is awful because it has no funding (I know good people who work at the VA too, but they just cannot help everyone like they’d want to). Programs like OSD are genuinely helpful to a lot of hurting folk and the people who shit on Travis and CR for promoting and helping them out have clearly never actually sat down and talked to a vet or a soldier before. 

Laura and many many other voice actors have voiced people of color in various shows. Yes, this is a legit problem. However, obviously as with most things, the problem is nuanced. The fault mainly lies with the VO industry as a whole, in that actors actually have very little control over what they do. There was a whole strike about this very topic (though the strike covered other issues in the industry as well). In the case of Laura, for instance, she was never told what her character would look like until after the fact. And that is super common in the industry. One of the things they tried to get in the strike was more transparency so that actors could make the decisions themselves whether to voice characters or not - not just based on race or culture but also based on type of work (stressful screaming vs chill dialogue) and whether the content of the game itself was something they wanted their name attached to. 

Sam’s blackface scandal is extremely old news. That’s not to say it isn’t important to note, and in fact Sam made a point to note it again back in 2018. I know people who can’t watch CR because of it, even after his apology, and that’s fine because its not my place to judge others for how they react to that kind of thing. However I know a lot of people who read his apology and the circumstances surrounding it and decided to forgive. To some people, the fact that he was asked to do so by will.i.am changes the situation. To others, it doesn’t. To some the fact that he apologized and has clearly worked to improve his behavior matters, to others it doesn’t. You have to decide that for yourself. You can read Sam’s letter HERE. 

Now. Regarding Liam. * sigh * I think, and again this is my opinion, that you cannot proclaim someone you do not know as ‘fake woke.’ I think there are parts of this fandom that have it out for Liam because of a whole bunch of gross reasons, many of which I’ve spoken about before. He is sensitive and a man - that makes people uncomfy. He plays a lot of women characters and tends to embody them in both personality and body language - that makes people uncomfy. He fully embraces the bi energy (this is not to say whether he himself is or not) - that makes a lot of people uncomfy (and angry). He loves theatre and loves to explore the human condition, warts and all - that makes people super uncomfy. Now. There are people who thinks he’s homophobic. Do you know why? Its because his bi character ended up with a woman instead of a man. That is biphobia, no matter how they twist it. Bi people being “allowed” to be bi and not ‘pick the right side’ in the LG (not BT, lets be real) community IS revolutionary because its so very hated. 

Another reason they say he’s homophobic is because of the jokes he is often involved in - some gay men in the fandom believe that joking about sex is him ‘making fun’ of gay relationships. As a bi enby, I disagree, and I read many of the jokes he himself makes as the kind of humor I use among my own friends. I think there is a definite disconnect between bi vs LG humor and I’m not entirely sure who would be considered in the ‘right’ on that. However, when LG people in the fandom claim that he cannot talk about gay relationships because he is cishet? They cannot know that. That is an assumption they are making. When LG fans say that he alone is responsible for this issue and not -literally every single member of CR- ? I have to question whether its really the issue and not just that they still hate Liam for deigning to make a bi character bi instead of gay.

Another thing re: Liam. Aside from Marisha, he is the one I see the most hate about. People on Twitter and Tumblr both have legit uttered death threats about him if he doesn’t do exactly what they want his characters to do in the game. Usually this is about shipping. I have seen people claim that they WISH he was ‘like vic mignogna’ so they’d have a reason to hate him more. I’ve seen a certain group of people and one in particular say they have ‘dirt’ on him but refuse to say what the dirt is - and yet continually bring up that it exists, but that they just cannot say. Why would you incessantly bring up information you possess just to say that you cannot divulge such information? 

Legit issues about CR that is attached to Liam is the whitewashing issue. Some say that only Liam is responsible here because he controls all the art. I would say that we actually don’t know that for sure. He is ‘Art Dad’ and clearly has some pull. I do think that CR should address this issue, but I’m not sure they can legally do what the fandom wants them to do, which is “call-out” artists by name and denounce them. Now, this too is more nuanced than the fandom makes out because its often way more about colorism vs whitewashing. Many people do not draw Beau as white, but they do draw her as much lighter skin tones than her original art. Colorism is a real problem, but white allies tend to go about talking about it wrong or making smaller things a bigger deal when POC would really rather talk about something more important to them. It was these same white allies that tore Mica Burton apart on Twitter because she liked and enjoyed a drawing of Reani, her own character, that was a few shades lighter than the drawing she herself had brought in, even after she had said that she appreciated the variety of skin tones due to seeing herself in each of them. On the topic of whitewashing/colorism in the fandom, I personally tend to wait to hear from POC over the masses of white allies.

The CR fandom is very big for a niche thing like DnD. As such, there are many many corners of the fandom that can get really jaded, really dark, and really up their own ass in regards to the discourse. There are legitimate issues in the fandom and with CR as a whole. Nothing is perfect, nothing ever will be perfect, and people should absolutely do what they can to do better and to ask their media to do better. That being said, there are also people who think that if you don’t do something exactly like they want, then you’re Problematic by default. There are also members of this fandom who have an active vendetta against certain cast members and will use any opportunity to co-opt legit issues in order to shore up their false arguments. These people are only using the real issues and it becomes clear pretty quickly that they don’t actually give a shit about the people they say they are trying to speak up for. 

There is also some fandom drama that has occurred ONLY in fandom and has absolutely nothing to do with CR other than the fact that the people involved happen to be CR fans. Certain people in the fandom think that CR should arbitrate this issue and involve themselves, call out the individuals responsible, etc. This is, I believe, a GROSS misconception of what CR’s role is and asking way too much of a source of entertainment. The fact that CR has not involved themselves in this issue has led certain members of this fandom to claim that CR is homophobic. I would caution that most callouts of CR as homophobic are directly linked to this first issue, and also a callback to the Vaxleth drama from campaign one, and is incontrovertibly tied to bi and enby-phobia and a seriously sick misunderstanding of the responsibilities a show has versus the responsibility individuals have as viewers of said show. 

That’s it for now. I could go way more in depth on this problems, but I’m tired of typing. Suffice it to say, its easy to make a list of things Problematic with CR, but once you actually delve into each topic hopefully you’ll realize how complicated and filled with nuance and Different Opinions going on back from the first episode of Campaign One... Listing problems without actually addressing them head-on isn’t a good way to deal with the problems that are true anyway, let alone tell them from the false ones. 

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

I have seen many, MANY discussions/debates about ca:cw and I have never seen anyone mentioning that Rhodey's injury was a metaphor. How did you get that idea?

Short answer: I’ve actually read a lot on the subject.  I’m teaching a media studies class right now called “What Can Superheroes Tell Us About Psychology?” (because that’s the kind of shit you can get away with at giant universities) and hoo boy are superhero narratives More Ableist Than Average.  Anywhoo, a few of those readings:

I’m quoting hard from the chapter “Hyper-Normative Heroes, Othered Villains: Differential Treatment of Disability in Marvel” in a book on disability studies because it’s free.  A relevant passage:

“These metaphorical portrayals all fail to engage with disability as a social category and as an individual identity, thereby ignoring its context… Nick Fury’s missing eye does not change his aim with distance weapons (e.g. Captain Marvel) or piloting software. Instead, it recurs in the films largely in metaphorical lines such as Fury’s commenting on the death of a friend with ‘I just lost my one good eye’… One character in Avengers even questions the lack of accessibility in Fury’s multi-monitor computer console, and Fury’s assistant simply answers that he must turn his head more often to compensate. The franchise thereby emphasizes that Fury’s missing eye is only a metaphor for his discernment and ability to see details that others have missed, rather than a truly integrated part of his character or even an accurate portrayal of that disability.

“8. This treatment of disability as metaphor persists throughout the MCU. In Captain America: Civil War, superhero War Machine incurs a permanent spinal injury while fighting on behalf of his best friend Iron Man. Later on, rival superhero Hawkeye… ‘You gotta watch your back with this guy. There’s a chance he’s gonna break it.’ The film then equips War Machine with a fantastical prosthesis that essentially nullifies his disabled experience through giving him the same range of motion as his non-disabled [abled] teammates, entirely without side effects or need for maintenance. The MCU films thus present disability as a metaphor for inner morality and characterization. War Machine has few experiences of being a disabled man through his spinal injury, but is instead emotionally ‘disabled’ by the damage to his social standing he has incurred through his friendship with Iron Man… The MCU thereby offers no critique of ableism or inaccessibility, instead continuing to localize disability as a problem with the body and the individual.”

Death, Disability, and the Superhero: The Silver Age and Beyond by José Alaniz is also a fantastic resource, and you can buy it for money here or hopefully find it at a library if you have no money.  A few of the relevant points from his book:

Superhero stories often treat disability as a “problem” that must be “solved” through in essence nullifying the disabled experience of the character(s) through superpowers that run directly counter to the disabilities and/or fantasy “cures,” e.g.

Daredevil is blind BUT navigates the world in a way similar to sighted people due to his “radar sense,” meaning that he doesn’t get to have a lot of the lived experiences of blind individuals

Don Blake is mobility impaired and uses a cane BUT his cane transforms into mjolnir and imbues him with the power of Thor, meaning that he spends most of the story moving like a nondisabled person

Hawkeye is hard of hearing sometimes in some of the comics, BUT he often gets magical cochlear implants from Tony Stark that cause him to stop being hard of hearing

Characters that are disabled and remain disabled tend to be villains whose villainy is either implied or stated to come directly from their bitterness over being disabled, e.g.

Doctor Doom hates that he’s scarred by an explosion so much that he wants to take over the world to get revenge on the Fantastic Four

The Lizard only transforms himself because he ignores all scientific and ethical boundaries in his desperation to stop being disabled

Doctor Poison is described by herself and other characters as a “monster” for failing to (unlike Wonder Woman) conform to White Western conceptualizations of female beauty 

Characters like The Thing, She-Hulk, and Bizarro have the potential for some really interesting disability narratives.  However, the same publication pressures that prevent permanent injury or death to the characters also prevent the inclusion of “serious” “real-world” issues like discrimination unless it’s metaphorical (e.g. anti-mutant fearmongering as a metaphor for anti-AIDS prejudice).

The Big Damn Foundational Text on the intersection of disability studies and media studies is Narrative Prosthesis: Disability and the Dependencies of Discourse by David T. Mitchell and Sharon L. Snyder, and you can pay money for it here but it’s also available at a lot of libraries.  Anyway, a couple of relevant points from that book include: 

Disability portrayals abound in literature going back to pretty much the dawn of history, but most of those portrayals suck ass because:

Most disabilities are treated as metaphors rather than demographic characteristics, which means that the disabled character doesn’t get connected to other people with disabilities (including those in the real world) and offers no commentary on ableism — if Richard III’s spinal misalignment is just a metaphor for him being “twisted” inside, it doesn’t allow readers with spinal misalignment to identify with him

Disabled characters tend to exist to teach lessons to nondisabled characters rather than having their own journeys — Tiny Tim isn’t a person in A Christmas Carol, he’s an object lesson for Scrooge

Many disabled characters either get “fixed” so that they look outwardly “normal,” or their “ugliness” is used to make concrete the abstract “ugliness” of their personalities

Disability is treated as a “problem” that demands an explanation – Captain Ahab’s prosthetic leg and Joker’s facial scarring are treated as automatically demanding the question “why are you like this?,” even though no one would ever ask the same thing of their nondisabled co-characters

Authors’ implicit ableism tends to come out in their horror of disability, such as when they portray disabled characters preferring death to disability, going to extreme lengths to avoid or nullify disability, and/or declaring themselves “worthless” or “burdensome” in light of disability

Discomfort with disability — another form of implicit ableism – also comes out when disabled characters are overwhelmingly “killed or cured,” meaning that they don’t get to end their stories as living individuals who are still, in practice, disabled

ANYWAY, that’s a long-winded way of saying that I also haven’t seen any critics specifically talk about Rhodey’s disability as a metaphor first and a part of the character second, but that that doesn’t mean the shoe don’t fit.  When someone asks about the Accords in Infinity War, Rhodey also says he supported them but then “I’m pretty sure I paid for that,” and gestures at his own paralyzed legs.  He also also says in Endgame “I wasn’t always like this… but we work with what we’ve got” when talking to Nebula, BOTH about the fact that he’s disabled and about the fact that half the universe is dead and they’re all struggling to cope with that fact.  It keeps getting used as a metaphor and keeps NOT getting used as a part of his identity.  LET THE MAN TALK TO SOME OTHER DISABLED VETERANS FOR TWO SECONDS, FOR FUCK’S SAKE.

A couple of other (free!) readings that talk about that general problem of “we love superheroes and we hate ableism, now what?” even if they don’t mention Rhodey specifically: 

“Reevaluating the Supercrip” by Sami Schalk connects media portrayals of the paralympics to media portrayals of Captain America and the Doom Patrol.  (I swear to god it makes sense in context.)

“Seven Roads to Justice for Superheroes and Humans” by Mikhail Lyubansky gets into the glaring (for me, anyway) question of “why the fuck are sci fi psychologists all so evil and useless?” by explaining why Harley Quinn must be evil for Batman to be a vigilante.

“Superhero Comics as Moral Pornography” by David A. Pizarro and Roy Baumeister (again, I swear it makes sense if you read it) discusses the evolutionary tendency to judge people based on disabilities and why it’s so popular in superhero stories specifically.

Anyway, you probably weren’t looking for an entire annotated bibliography in response to that question, but I’ve never been one to use five words when 500 would suffice.

[graffitibible]

How do you think people in the zones deal with disabilities??

it’ll really really vary imo. “disabilities” covers a huuuuuuge umbrella so i dont wanna generalize too hard. however i think as a whole theres a lot more acceptance of that kinda thing than there would be in battery city.

cw: discussion of in-universe ableism

--------

the zones have had war living in them for god knows how long. the analog wars were definitely fought in or around the zones in canon, and we dont know how long ago that was. and war is a pretty grisly thing. war vets from the analogs are gonna be carrying around serious injuries like missing limbs or bad hearing or chronic pain. nerve damage from burn wounds. blind from too many blitzes going off in their faces. so i think its not really out of the ordinary to see people who lived through the wars to have missing hands or needing prosthetics, etc. and since living in the zones is a pretty rough life, i dont think itd be too far out of left field to think that killjoys and zonerunners who live out there post-war might have to deal with that kinda thing too.

we do have a little basis for what the attitude for this might be in canon. canonically dr death defying (who imo is criminally underrated) is in a wheelchair and has a leg brace and a big deals never really made out of it. he mentions losing his legs in the wars in the comics and then hurting his leg in the listening party, but thats about it. no one else comments on it. while being physically fit and able-bodied might be a boon in the zones, i dont think it is a necessity the way that, say, battery city would consider it to be.

battery city’s general take on disabilities, as far as i can perceive it, has more to do with appearances. they dont really give a fuck about whether youre actually doing better and recovering and improving. they want you to function in society. they want you to look “normal” and fit into their preconceived notions of what is acceptable. hence why their medications, i think, are such a bad tactic - theyre not trying to treat anyones illnesses. theyre just trying to eliminate the symptoms that they deem to be unpleasant, uncomfortable, or not Useful to the better living machine. their priority isnt making you happy/healthy, its making you more objectively useful to their capitalist dystopian hell.

now ofc theres gonna be jerks in the zones and outliers but by and large the feeling of “community” and “accommodation” is gonna be better than what youd get in the city imo. like for example if you get your leg blown off at the knee, there are a probably few junkpunks in the zones you can find who can piece together a prosthetic out of droid parts and scrap metal. i like to think the zones have their own sign language dialect - ive touched on that before in some of my works, though i havent ever really elaborated on what that is. its not straight up ASL though, it is very much its own zone-specific variant of sign language. i imagine that it’s commonplace enough for it not to be too weird - especially among older generations of killjoys who might have had war buddies who were deaf or hard of hearing, or are themselves.

in my read on the universe i have a lot of zone-rats who are wandering around with prosthetic legs and stuff and that’s not really out of the ordinary so much. also a ton of zonerunners who gotta deal with the long-term effects of living in such an irradiated part of the world (nine-volt rocket and haywire from jet’s backstory both had to deal with the terminal repercussions of this, and this was seen as pretty much standard as far as jet was concerned). poison’s a little surprised to see prosthetics but they’ve got a more limited exposure to the zones compared to almost everyone else in the fab four except kobra. a few canon characters have prosthetics and such too, though i haven’t gotten into that just yet so i’m not gonna say which ones. yall might be able to figure that out though lol

now when we get into psychological disabilities, thats a lot more of a gray area. i suspect a lot of zone mentality settles into “just fukcin cope with it bud” cause i imagine there are a lot of anti-medication mindsets and people Paranoid about pharmacological solutions due to better living industries being What They Are. which kinda sucks tbh cause medication can be a great thing for navigating bad brain stuff and also for handling chronic/terminal conditions. thats a hard line for me to walk personally, cause i do not wanna demonize medication out of universe but i recognize that, in universe, that mentality is probably gonna be pretty common, which sucks.

so my general take on it is that the attitudes in the zones are generally more accommodating of disabilities of all kinds, but low resources might make it hard to actually find suitable accommodations. depending on the era/part of the desert that youre in, youll either see a lot of community in the zones and people who dont mind helping you out, or youll just have to....Handle it on your own or pay someone to give a shit for you (i.e., i suspect the desert was way more unified when the fabulous four were at their peak and way more fractured after the analog wars happened, and so on).

i know im probably overlooking a lot wrt diversity in disabilities here. if other people with more knowledge in this area wanna chip in, please do!!

[gay-salt-amber]

Human Warrior Cats headcanons

Same as the last text post, this will be added onto whenever I wanna add on (most of these will be of the same characters so I’m sorry, I think) Some of these I may also turn into fics so, be ready for that.

Ship warning, dont like them, leave, I am not dealing with that shit today :D

-Fallen Leaves loves plushies, but due to the fact he lives in tunnels that constantly flood, he knows he cant keep one cause it will get damaged. 

-Jay Feather, being a medicine cat, makes a lot of money. Want to eat at the best restaurant in existence? He’s got chu, want a pricey dress? Say no more.

-Jay Feather, Fallen Leaves and Breeze Pelt are in a poly relationship

-Ivy Pool, Ant Pelt and Hawk Frost are also in a poly relationship

-Since Jay Feather has money like I said above, he paid Dust Pelt to build Fallen Leaves a nice cave house. One that wont break when even the worst of floods happen, Fallen Leaves cried when he saw it.

-When Ash Fur and Scourge started dating and Ash Fur left to live in Bloodclan Cloud Tail and Fern cloud almost cried, they missed their brother.

-Barley and Bone often video chat when Raven Paw is out hunting, Barley misses him but wont admit it to anyone.

-Bolder once tried to convince Snipe (another Bloodclan cat) to leave and join him in Shadow clan, Snipe denied.

-Sol may be short but oh boy, can they beat your ass if they wanted to.

-Jay Feather and Sol are non binary and Brick is gender fluid

-  Jay Feather can rock a dress and they know it. Don’t get them wrong they aren’t a femboy (they ain’t a boy in this au anyway-) They just like how it feels and Breezepelt and Fallen leaves sure don't complain when they see it.

-Snake (of Blood Clan) loves animals. He owns multiple birds, snakes, geckos, lizards, and more. And he loves them like they’re his children, which they might as well be at this point

-Sabbath (A bloodclan oc) was experimented on to see how much pain someone could take without dying or leaving lasting disabilities on the body. He was the only one who lived through that specific test.

-The cats who endured experiments like Sabbath, such as Viper (another oc) have an ability that gives them black tentacles that can morph into anything

-While Sabbaths can only come out of the wounds that he has on him and don't tire him at all, Viper can do it from any part of his body and nearly faints if he uses it for to long. 

- Jay Feather, Fallen Leaves, Night Cloud and Ivy Pool all train in the Dark forest. Mainly because of their s/o’s

Nsfw headcanons for a moment----

-Whenever they’re in the dark forest and have free time, Jay Feather, Fallen Leaves and Breeze Pelt can fuck till the morning, sometimes they even forget to turn to the normal world because they fuck for too long

-Despite being blind, Jay Feather can top Fallen Leaves and even Breeze Pelt if they want to

-Ash Fur and Scourge are both switches, but Ash Fur likes it when Scourge is on the bottom, such a powerful and feared cat begging for him to go faster or to go harder is amazing to him

-Bone is a bottom, no questions asked.

-Once when Ivy Pool and mom (Maple Shade) Where going to lunch, they heard Dark Stripe moaning from Tiger Star’s place and they knew that was some good blackmail

-Lion Blaze and Toad Step rail each other till the sun comes up whenever Cinder Heart is out of town

Nsfw headcanons done----

-Since Maple Shade and Night Cloud are together, she doesn’t wear he and Crow  Feathers wedding ring, he only noticed after about a week and she played it off like she forgot it in the bathroom after a shower. He hasn’t noticed since

-Thunder Clan has a bunch of goods hidden in a secret room that only some cats have the keys to enter, this room includes gems, artifacts and weapons, upon other things. Ash Fur once broke into that room and got a big heap of loot and also got Scourge’s collar back after the battle *and other blood clan cats collars* back since it was hidden in there as well.

 - Tall Star baby sat Scourge and Firestar when they were young, More Scourge then Fire Star.

-Once Jake was almost the one to kill Sparrow because he made fun of his children and also decided to talk about Tall Star behind his back

-When the battle against Blood Clan happened Ash Fur did nothing since he knew if he did that would blow his cover as a spy

- Cinder Heart debates if Lion Blaze was the right choice or if she should have went with Holly Leaf instead

-Since in this AU Star clan cats can age, if they want to, Swift Paw did grow up and sometimes Cloud Tail does visit him and they even have had a few secret make out sessions here and there

-Breeze Pelt is adopted

[myherorp]

THE QUIRK DATABASE HAS BEEN UPDATED !

incoming information on villain, null.

get to know them !

faceclaim: Lu Han 

villain name: Null

gender & pronouns: Male. He/him

age: 26

association: Salvation Order

occupation: Bartender and waiter at The Dancing Skeleton

reputation: Weili is not a typical villain in the sense that he doesn’t share the typical motivations that other villains have of ‘purifying’ or ‘recreating’ the world. Weili has done well to separate his villain and normal personas. He worked hard to separate his real life from his villain life by utilising a form of disguise while operating as Null. Weili’s unique glasses remain active and he wears a hooded cloak that covers his body. As Null, Weili has one motivation: revenge. It was what set him on this path initially. As a villain, Null is quiet and tends to keep to himself. He is mysterious and doesn’t like to linger for too long. Once he gets the job done then he moves on. However, his quirk is enough to strike fear in some people at the sheer thought.

the quirk !

quirk name: Erasure

quirk description: Basically, Weili is able to cancel out other abilities simply by looking at them

abilities:

When activated, Weili is able to disable a person’s quirk or quirk factor for as long as he concentrates on his target, rendering the quirk unusable.

Weili only needs one part of the target’s body to be within his sights for erasure to take effect.

His ability lasts for however long Weili maintains visual contact on them and it can be used from a distance as long as he can still see the target or part of them.

In addition to his erasure quirk, Weili also wields a capture weapon (in the shape of a glove) on his right arm that he uses mostly as a precaution for mutation-type quirks that are immune to his nullification. The weapon essentially immobilises the target and he’ll only use this weapon in addition to his quirk but never instead of.

To combat his vulnerability while using his quirk, Weili has heightened senses. Basically, this means that while erasure is active, his other senses are slightly heightened so he’s able to hear and sense danger or anything amiss but once erasure is deactivated, his senses return to normal.

He also has enhanced agility which stems from his martial arts training as a child.

Weili has special glasses that change appearance. At the push of a small button on the frames, his glasses turn into thick, black glasses that make it impossible to see his eyes (much like these).

When his mutation is active, Weili’s eyes turn red and his hair darkens in colour.

weaknesses:

His quirk is only useful as long as he maintains visual contact. If he loses contact or concentration, then the target is able to use their quirk once again. Closing his eyes also deactivates his quirk, this includes blinking.

His power doesn’t fully work on mutations. Essentially, if a target has a physical mutation (such as added limbs) he can’t null their power, but he can impair their function.

The more he uses his quirk, the shorter the duration length. Repeated use of his quirk within a short period of time weakens his body and can damage his eyes if he’s not careful.

Weili suffers from dry eyes syndrome as a result of his quirk and as such he always carries eye drops.

His vision is also affected. His eyesight is slightly blurry when erasure is inactive and as such he wears glasses. However, his eyesight is crystal clear as long as erasure is active.

Erasure is naturally impractical against groups of surrounding enemies, because it’s impossible for him to keep watching every potential target within a 360º radius. Staying fully outside his eyesight is necessary to avoid erasure’s effects, which can be done, for example, by covering oneself entirely with clothing or hiding behind an opaque structure.

Weili is particularly vulnerable to blinding light attacks, as those are meant to target his eyes specifically. Smoke is also a massive deterrent to his work since it irritates his eyes (if he’s near) and blocks his line of sight (if he’s far away).

It is easy to tell when erasure is active as his eyes turn red and his hair darkens in colour which gives others an advantage.

the history !

triggers: death

Zhou Weili was born in China on April 20th 1994. He was a normal child who had a fairly happy childhood. He was born the middle of three and the family had always been quite close. Both parents possessed unique quirks and the Zhou children would always watch in awe whenever they were used, often discussing with each other and imagining what kind of quirks they would manifest. The thought of being quirkless always lingered within the three children but they had always remained hopeful.

The quirks of the three Zhou children manifested at different ages. For Weili it was when he was he was four. It had started with sore eyes that didn’t seem to ever go away. No matter how hard he or his parents tried the soreness and irritation still remained. Soon his vision worsened, and he was taken to an optometrist who wasn’t sure how to fix his eyes. He was given eye drops and glasses to help with his eyes and sent on his way. The true nature of his quirk wasn’t revealed until later. One day at childcare, Weili was zoned out, not thinking about anything in particular, and just happened to be looking in the direction of a slightly older child who was showing off his quirk when suddenly it disappeared. The kid and the group around him were confused and wondering what happened. Suddenly, Weili’s name was called and he was snapped out of his little ‘daydream’ and the quirk resurfaced in the kid. It took a few more of these incidents before he finally realised that he was the one making the erasure happen. Of course, having others question the sudden changes of his eye and hair colour helped with this. Once all three children had shown signs of their quirks they were taken to the doctor to find out the extent of each of them.

The family moved to Korea when the children were still young due to the family’s business. They seemed to settle in well and the Zhou children were quick to make friends. Weili befriended a young boy around his age and was quick to settle into his new life. His parents were working with all three children to help train them and test and strengthen their abilities. His father organised a special weapon for Weili to wear and use when needed that was easily disguisable. His siblings were also given items from their parents to help them with their quirks.

Everything was essentially sunshine and rainbows with the family for years.

Or so he thought.

Weili was a preteen when it all changed. His whole world turned upside down and his life changed. Weili had been on the right path, had been a happy and upbeat kid, he was making his parents proud. Until one day when he’d heard the news of the accident. His parents were among the few who couldn’t be saved by the hero who had been called to help. In Weili’s eyes, the hero had plenty of time to help but didn’t. That was more than enough for him to change. He no longer saw the world as bright and sunny. Instead it was dark and black. Weili would be forever scared by the loss of his parents and would be set on the path of revenge.

That was when Null was born.

Weili worked hard on fooling the world. Even through school he made sure he separated Weili from Null while working hard on finding the hero he blamed for the death of his parents. From the time of his parents’ death to when he surfaced at the academy, Weili had essentially been a missing person. Even his siblings hadn’t known where he was. That period of his life had been the darkest and something he refuses to talk about.

Weili still has yet to find the hero he resents but he won’t give up until he does and when that happens he will make them pay.

the personality !

When he’s not Null, Weili is upbeat and energetic. He is friendly and smiles often. He laughs frequently and goes out of his way to help others. He is loyal to those he cares about and he values his relationships. He is fiercely protective of those he still holds dear and will go out of his way to protect them. As Null, however, his personality is the complete opposite. He is a mysterious person who barely speaks and when he does it’s only when necessary. He works for an organisation but he follows his own rules. As Null his sole purpose and goal is to take revenge on the person he sees as the one who let his parents die.

[thechildoflightning]

Tectonic Plates- Ch3

Title: Tectonic Plates [Masterpost]

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Pairings: None

~~~

Chapter Title: Transform

Summary: 

Everything over the past few weeks comes together

Warnings: Memory Loss, Borderline Passive Suicidal Thoughts, Tics, Chronic Pain, Gender Dysphoria, Deadnaming, Fatphobia, Ableism

<strong> TW: Memory Loss, Borderline Passive Suicidal Thoughts, Tics, Chronic Pain, Gender Dysphoria, Deadnaming, Fatphobia, Ableism </strong>

I don’t currently have the spoons for in depth tws at the end of the chapter rn, so message me if you have any questions about tws

[ao3 link]

~~~

Chapter Three: Transform

Patton wakes to searing pain that courses through his entire body, pain strong enough that it makes his breathing hitch and stomach curl with nausea. He squeezes his eyes tight as if that would do anything to help. Maybe this is all a bad dream he’ll wake up from. He’s not hopeful. He doesn’t dare risk moving, the fire in his body so unbearable that Patton doesn’t risk doing anything. He takes small shallow breaths and wishes for it to be over.

He fades in and out of consciousness. He’s not sure if thats due to pain or exhaustion. He remembers glancing over at his clock at one point and finding it significantly early, though Patton can’t remember what time it read. He doesn’t know if he forgot from pain, or if it’s just his memory failing him once more.

He wants to cry, but he doesn’t risk it because heavy loud crying will make his body shake and that will just make everything worse.

He briefly wishes he had no bones, just a puddle of human goop that doesn’t ache, before realizing that would only help so much. A lot of the pain is in his joints, but it’s also in his nerves and getting rid of bones wouldn’t help that any.

So maybe he gets rid of his bones and nerves.

He wouldn’t feel anything that way.

He could go back to sleep forever without pain.

He almost wishes for it.

Almost.

He’s not quite sure what stops him.

He floats in a haze, not quite awake, not quite asleep. Tiredness seeps into his body, dragging him to sleep, and the pain fights it, demanding Patton’s awake to feel the torture it performs on him.

His alarm goes off at some point, and he barely pays any notice to it. He’s in too much pain to think of anything but the pain, and thinking of the pain makes it worse. It’s a vicious terrible cycle, so terrible, that Patton doesn’t even notice that his door has been pushed open until his ma is settling at his side.

“Hi honey,” she whispers soothingly.

“Hi,” he croaks out, the single word taking more energy than expected.

His ma looks at him and she radiates love so strongly that Patton just wants to curl up in her arms and break down crying. But both of those actions will cause him to hurt more, so he settles for lying on his bed, head facing his mother, pushing back tears.

“I… I don’t think I can go to school today,” he says.

“That’s okay,” his ma dismisses immediately and Patton breathes a small sigh of relief. He never thinks that his parents would make him go- knows they understand, knows they wouldn’t push it. But well- he gets worried sometimes. He misses a lot of school, he takes a lot of energy to care. He knows his moms love him but he can’t help worry about his place in their lives occasionally.

“Do you need anything?”

“Heat,” Patton replies immediately, “And meds too please. And… and can I get some water? Is that okay?”

“Of course hon,” she soothes, “You are going to have to eat something with the pain meds though.”

Patton knows that. He knows that he doesn’t want to because eating takes so much effort and his stomach is already swirling in displeasure.

“Okay,” he says.

“Can you rate the pain? And tell me where it hurts?”

“9,” he says, “and everywhere. It hurts everywhere.”

“Okay. If you can’t, that’s okay, but can you try to be a bit more specific?”

My legs, hips, back, neck, shoulders,” he says, “Back especially. All along it.”

“Do we need to go to the ER?” is her next question.

Patton’s in enough pain that he considers it for a minute. It’s always a challenge debating on what he does and doesn’t need, when the pain is enough to warrant medicine, hospital admittance, and anything else.

“No. Not yet,” he settles on, but keeps it as an option. His meds don’t take away the pain entirely, but they do work decently well. Hopefully with the assistance his body will stop torturing him.

“Okay. Do you want me to stay? I can ask your Mom to get everything.”

“Can you?” he asks hopefully, not wanting to let her go.

“Of course,” she says, pulling out her phone to call his Mom and explain what’s going. She finishes quickly and turns her attention back to Patton.

“Can I hold your hand?” she asks.

“Yes. DOn’t touch my shoulder.”

She nods easily and carefully takes his hand in hers, smoothing over the back of his palm with her thumb. He gets heat, meds, water, and chokes down a little bit of food. It’s a slow, painful process. But the heat and meds help enough that Patton slowly drifts off once more.

-

He wakes to an empty room. He takes observance of his body, feeling out where it does and doesn’t hurt. It’s still flaring brightly with pain, so hot it burns. But it has subsided somewhat from a torturous pain to a heavy, burning violence. 

His back aches and he reaches for his phone at his bedside table, shooting off a quick text to his moms.

A moment later his door opens, and Blythe is slipping into his room, TENS unit in hand.

“Ma is picking Liam and- tehch- Dani up from school, Mom’s at work,” she explains their absence as she approaches Patton’s bed, “Do you know- hu- the intensity, frequency, and- hu hu HU- and the duration and all that? Because I don’t but I’m sure Moms have it. I can ask them.”

“It’s in my notebook,” Patton says, “but it can also really vary.”

“Okay,” Blythe agrees, walking over to his desk to grab the blue notebook and flipping to the pages about pain treatment- specifically for the electrical nerve stimulation the TENS unit will provide.

“Let’s just start with what it says in there and then I can adjust it,” Patton tells her.

“ACK- sounds good,” she agrees, finding the page. She picks up the notebook, before immediately throwing it with a tic.

“Yeet,” Patton mutters as she picks it up, rolling her eyes at Patton’s commentary.

She comes back over to Patton’s bed.

“Okay,” she says finally, “You’re going to have to turn- tehch- over.”

“I know,” Patton says miserably, not moving.

He breathes a few times.

“Help me?” he requests.

Blythe nods and sets down the notebook and TENS unit.

“What do you want me to do?” she says.

“Help shift my hips when I turn,” he instructs.

Blythe nods and begins the painful process of flipping to his stomach. He wants to go fast to get this over with, but he also wants to move slowly and carefully. It’s a balancing act- and Patton’s balance is notoriously awful.

They get there eventually, Patton gritting through the pain.

Blythe helps with attaching the electrodes to his back and then the TENS is switched on, providing welcome relief.

“Hey, wanna watch a show with me?” Blythe asks, once Patton’s settled for a minute.

“Sure,” Patto agrees, welcoming an easy distraction.

“Okay, I’ll go- ACK hu-  grab my computer,” she tells him, “Don’t move.”

Patton snorts, “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

She gives him a look and races out of his room.

-

The next day is better, but that isn’t saying too much. It’s a glass half full, half empty sort of situation. Patton can get out of bed, can even get to school, but his body still thrums in pain. But he gets through, and it’s not too bad even though it hurts and Patton- well he doesn’t quite count it as a win but it’s certainly not a loss. 

He isn’t binding because there’s no way he’d put his binder on right now with his current back issues, but it does mean he gets misgendered more which sucks. The dysphoria creeps back in and more people deadname him and Patton wants to transition so bad, but right now he’s just stuck.

He’s ready to go home.

Luckily enough, his last class of the day rolls around.

Unluckily enough, the teacher announces they will continue working on their group project.

Shit, Patton forgot about that.

His group shuffles together, and Patton sighs in grits his teeth as he joins them. Part of it is from pain, part is from annoyance with the project in general.

“Okay,” one of the girls said, “Can everyone get their stuff out? To see where we all are?”

Patton forgets her name, but does remember she’s been consistently rude to him and unwilling to listen when he’s explained his accommodations.

The group starts pulling out computers and papers. Patton himself only pulls out one measly paper of a short outline. It’s all he has done so far. The girl’s gaze turns angrily towards him when she realizes that all he has, and Patton sinks in his seat. His other two teammates look at him in pity, but don’t jump in to help.

“That’s all you have?” she asks.

“Yes,” Patton mumbles.

“Eileen! This project is due next week.”

“M’ name is Patton.”

“Okay- Patton, whatever. This project is due in a week and you’ve barely started! We’re being graded as a group here. And I need an A in this class. I get that you don’t care about school or are trying to sabotage the group because you don’t like me or- or whatever, but it doesn’t matter. You need to do your work. Stop slacking off and get it together. By the due date.”

It’s been a long day, a long week, a long year.

Patton’s so goddamn tired and his spoons are running low and he doesn’t want to deal with this stupid project or this stupid partner of his who’s name he doesn’t even remember. Patton’s trying okay? He’s been trying so damn hard, so damn hard for everyone. Being disabled isn’t easy, and people act as if it makes it so hard for their lives, but how do they think Patton feels?

He’s the one with the memory that doesn’t work, with the body that acts constantly, with being scorned for being overweight, who’s judged for using a mobility aid, and who everyone thinks is faking. Patton’s the one dealing with this, not them. It’s not fair. It’s not fair.

Tears prick in the corner of his eyes.

He can’t cry. He can’t. There’s no way they’ll take him seriously then and they’ll probably call him a girl and-

“I told you at the beginning,” he says, voice shaky but loud, “That we got three extra weeks.”

“Yeah!” she says, “If we need it. And we’re probably going to need it now because you can’t do one stupid assignment. But taking extra time is failing.”

“I do need it,” Patton snaps, and he’s loud enough that he gains the attention of some of the groups near them. “I’ve always needed it. That’s why it’s given to me. Maybe you don’t, that’s fine. But I do.”

“I don’t get why you can’t just do it?” she argues back, “Are you just fine with failure?”

“Yeah,” Patton says, “Yeah I am fine with failure. I fail all the fucking time. Life is a series of failures when you’re disabled and it sucks. Do you think I want to be in pain? Do you think I like forgetting almost everything? Do you think I enjoy struggling to keep up in a project with some annoying ableist teammate who’s not listening to me? No. I don’t. It sucks. But this time- this time I’m not failing. I’m demanding the time I need, and that’s not failure, that’s success.”

“You shouldn’t need to push for extra time,” she says.

Patton laughs, effectively gaining the rest of the class’s attention as they all tune in on their argument.

“You know what” he says, “You know what, for once you’re right. I shouldn’t have to push for extra time. I should be able to just tell you I need three extra weeks and you should accept that. I shouldn’t have to push for accommodations, that shouldn’t be my responsibility. The world is ableist and it sucks, so it’s either push for accommodations or let myself suffer. It just depends on how much energy I have.”

“Look I get that you’re disabled or whatever,” she snaps, “But it’s pretty hard to work with you when you demand extra time without even telling us why. You should at least share with us about how you’re disabled.”

“Share with you?” Patton asks incredulously, “Share with you? It’s my disability, I can share whatever I damn well please. It’s up to me and only me what I disclose and you-”

Patton forgets the rest of the argument, coming back with a rush as he takes a bite of his chicken, and stares across the table at his family at dinner.

Once he realizes what happened, he springs up from his chair. His hips and back shriek in protesting and he almost falls over. He catches himself on the table, hand clutching the wood, before racing off to his room, tears streaming down his face. He ignores the worried calls from behind him.

He crashes onto his bed and dives under the covers, wrapping them firmly around him even as he continues to sob. Seconds later and his moms enter the room. His ma crouches by his bed and his mom sets his cane against the bed stand table before joining him.

“Darling,” his mom whispers, “What’s wrong?”

Patton shudders through the tears and wonders how to respond.

“We have a group project in school,” he starts.

“Okay,” his ma says, taking his hand to rub soothingly.

“And- and there’s this girl and she won’t listen to me about my accommodations and it sucks because I can’t meet the normal time but I also don’t have the energy to push for my accommodations and it’s- I don’t want to push for extra time I just want her to be okay with it. And she’s been really rude and I yelled at her today and the whole class was paying attention and I don’t even remember what the end result was because I forgot and I-” he sighs, tears slowing, “I just hate it,” he sighs, “Like I’m disabled. For life. Some things might get better, some might get worse. Okay. I can deal with that. I’ve been dealing with it all my life. It can suck at times and be hard, but I mean- I don’t remember when I wasn’t disabled, I was a baby. It’s part of my life. But it’s just-”

Patton breaks out in a fresh wave of tears, pausing for a minute while he sobs.

“It’s just that I have- I have to prove it everywhere I go. I have to push to get my minimum needs met and nobody understands and nobody listens and it sucks and I don’t know if that’s ever going to improve and I hate it. And it- I even worry about you guys. Cause like- I know you love me. I know that, okay? But when I see how everyone else refuses to even meet the bare minimum of my needs and the two of you being the best moms I could have ever asked for, I start to wonder if it’s too much, y’know? Like if I’m too much.”

“Patton-”

“And it’s like, I know that's stupuid. I know that’s the internalized ableism talking, that I do deserve you and I deserve my needs being met. I know that. It’s just hard to remember when there’s so much external ableism pressing down hard on me. Y’know? And that- that sucks. And it’s- it’s been a rough few weeks and I do not have the spoons to deal with this.”

“We love you,” his mom says.

“Yes, we love you very much,” his ma says.

“I know,” Patton says, “I know. I love you too.”

He sniffles and wipes at his nose.

“Can we do anything to support you?” his ma asks.

Patton shrugs, and it pulls at his back painfully. He relaxes his shoulders.

“I don't know,” he admits, “I do feel a bit better now.”

“Sometimes we just need to get it all out,” his ma agrees.

Pat nods.

“I’m tired,” he admits after awhile. “I think I’m gonna go to bed. Worry about the project tomorrow. Thank you. Love you.”

“We love you too,” his moms say together, his mom setting a kiss on his forehead and his ma with a kiss on his hand and Patton feels so intensely, purely, loved.

He turns in his part of the project four weeks later, on the extended date he was given. The girl who’s been on his case scowls at him as he turns it in, and he ignores her. The teacher accepts the project without complaint, only stopping Patton briefly to ask if the time was enough.

“Yes,” Patton says, “Yes it was.”

The girl’s still mad at him. Patton’s going to continue to face endless ableism. It sucks. It’s going to suck. But he has his family, and he has their support and he’s just going to keep stumbling forward because really, what other choice does he have?

And maybe along the way, the world will slowly change into a place Patton no longer has to demand to be accommodated.

~~~

taglist below

-ask to be added or removed-

@mewithanie @eddies-spaghetti @lemonyellowlogic @savioursailor @goldteethandacurseforthistown @you-betcha-weirdo @gattonero17

[realityhelixcreates]

Lasabrjotr Chapter 43: Blár Ljóss Dreyma gnimaerD thgiL eulB

Chapters: 43/? Fandom: Thor (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe Rating: Teen And Up Warnings: None Relationships: Loki x Reader (Someday) Characters: Loki (Marvel),  Additional Tags: Post-Endgame: Best Possible Ending (Canon-Divergent), Loki Wants To Be Fancy, I Wonder What All This Blue Light Is About,  Summary:   Loki acts very soft towards you, and you discuss your shared dreams.

Loki wheeled you through the halls of the palace complex, Andsvarr on one side, another young guard on the other, keeping everyone at more than arms length from you. The concept of a wheelchair seemed very new to everyone around you, raising serious concern about disability accessibility in New Asgard.

You chatted back and forth with him about it as he pushed you towards your room. If humans were eventually going to be allowed in the city, then it would have to be accessible, and it was best to build that accessibility in from the very beginning, so extra money didn't have to be spent fixing it later. Since the city had barely been built, there was still time to include accessibility plans into the blueprints.

“And you'd better do it pretty quick, because I'll be old and frail in what seems like no time to you guys.” You joked. “I mean, I know you could probably just lift up the chair with me in it, and carry it everywhere, but it's way less awkward to just have a ramp.”

Loki seemed withdrawn for the rest of your trip. Probably thinking about accessibility, you figured. He parked you in front of your desk, which held a few new books.

“The Complete Icelandic Sagas.” You read. “And the Nibelungenlied?”

“Classics, apparently.” Loki said. “Though I must warn you; there are some very unpleasant things in these stories. They are rather like your modern day action movies. Full of violence, revenge, and adrenaline. I have helpfully marked each one with warnings, so that you can know what they hold before you start reading.”

You flipped the book of sagas open to find little notes tucked in between the pages.

“This one contains many bodies, but the hero is a decent fellow after all.”

“A horse is harmed in this story.”

“The protagonist is a horrible person, and does many unforgivable things. Perhaps skip this one. It leaves a bad taste.”

A smile crept across your face. “That's very thoughtful of you, Loki. I'm glad you remembered to think of me.”

Loki preened at the praise. “Of course! You are the most important!” He declared. “Of my entourage, that is. As my seidkona.”

“Your entourage...Which consists of whom? Just me? Andsvarr?”

“There is you, and Andsvarr, yes.” He'd had the flowers brought from the healing wing to your room, and began arranging them idly. You were pleased to see that someone had been tending your houseplants in your absence. “Technically, since Thor and I rule together, we share some people between us. Several guards, since there is a shortage of them, and all the palace servants for example. Brunnhilde is an advisor to us both, and Heimdall as well, though he is far closer to my brother. Well,” Loki said a touch sheepishly. “That is probably my fault.”

“Probably?” You said sarcastically.

“Cheeky woman. Give you an inch, and you take a mile.”

“Isn't that my job?” You leaned back in your chair, gazing out the window. The sun was dipping down in the sky, and you realized with a little relief that night would soon return.

“And you just love your job, don't you?”

“Well, there are some parts I could do without.”

The light triple rap of Andsvarr's signature knock sounded on the door. Dinner had arrived, and he gave you a thumbs up as Loki took it from him. Now where had he learned that?

“Good to be home?” He asked. “Feeling all right?”

“I'll be fine. But yeah, it's better to be in my room, than cooped up in the healing wing”

His smile was so fake. Loki had said he was stressed, now he was probably trying to put forth a cheerful front for you. Poor kid. He should have never gotten caught up in all this, but sometimes parents left troubling legacies for their children, whether they meant to or not. You just hoped he wasn't facing too much trouble at home.

Loki shooed him back to his post, and set dinner down in front of you. It was a good, thick chowder, with soft bread, easy for a convalescing patient to eat.

“Do you need any help?” Loki asked, pulling up your desk chair and sitting next to you, very close.

“Pretty sure I can manage soup.” You said.

Eventually, you did need him to help you lean forward to eat, because doing so on your own made you dizzy. He held you effortlessly with one arm, eating his own dinner with the other.

“Hey Loki...I had another one of those dreams.” You mentioned.

“Ah. You remember. I wasn't sure you would, since you were so deep in your unconsciousness.”

“So it did happen. Are they real?”

“I honestly don't know. I know that we have shared dreams that are not real, because they pertained to things that never happened. But Titan and Jotunheim...I simply do not know. The Titans are extinct, but we brought dust out with us. I do not know the state of the Frost Giants now, but there was snow in our hair when I awoke. I do not know if our magic is creating the things we see in the dreams, or if we are truly there on some level, and bring things back with us when we return.”

“Do you think it means something? Should we be trying to interpret this as some kind of prophesy?”

“I certainly hope not.” Loki said with a sour expression. “The less I have to deal with either Titans or Frost Giants, the better. We have quite enough on our plates with rebuilding, frankly.”

After dinner, he carried you to your bed, and massaged your arms and legs again, this time with a nice, vanilla scented oil that warmed and smoothed your skin. When you realized you would need help bathing, he looked oddly hopeful, right up until you requested Saldis's help. He tucked you in tenderly, and made to leave before you stopped him.

“What if I need help?” You asked. “Can you hear me from your room?”

Loki had a hard time hiding his excitement as he bid you wait, leaving the room and returning minutes later with a folding cot, and his blankets. He set this up happily beside your bed, humming to himself.

It looked to you like Loki really, really liked feeling needed. Maybe due to many years of being overshadowed by his brother, the feeling of someone wanting him specifically was novel to him. If that was the case, you should probably ask him for help more often. He seemed so happy about it.

Loki turned off the lights and drew the heavy curtains to darken the room, then snuggled into his cot, thick blanket up to his neck, black hair spread out over his pillow, smiling at you like a kid at a sleepover. He sneaked his hand under your blanket, and took your hand.

“Just squeeze if you need anything.” He said at your questioning vocalization. “I'll awaken at once.”

This all felt so nice. Someone sleeping next to you, holding your hand, knowing that any needs you had would be fulfilled. Knowing that there would be food tomorrow, that this room would be here to live in. Knowing that your medical needs would be seen to, that your mental needs were being taken seriously, that your government took your well-being seriously.

As much as you sometimes missed Iowa, you had to admit that none of those things were guaranteed back home.

His hand felt so large and warm, enveloping your own. You drifted off, feeling full and as comfortable as your head would allow.

                                                                       *****

You held Loki's hand, runes of light trailing up your arms and filling your eye, the both of you walking slowly towards a pulsing blue light. There was something important there, the answers to everything, you just knew it, but you could only approach a few steps at a time. It had completely filled and banished the void that had once threatened to harm you, replacing one mystery with another, but this one you didn't want to run from.

Till death do you part. A voice that was almost not even a voice repeated over and over again, a background for the pulsing light that filled your mind and poured out through your runes. Loki looked down at you, the lines of hardship gone from his face, blue light glowing from one eye. You noticed with a little fascination that his other eye had gone black, only the iris showing bright blue. No doubt yours were the same.

“Forever?” He seemed to ask, though no words were voiced.

“Forever.” You agreed.

“Gods among gods. Legends. The whole of all things. Galaxies at your fingertips. Till death do you part.”

Squeezing his hand, you both walked into the light.

                                                                                                                                                    *****

You awoke to a soft shaking of your shoulder. No need to ask: you had squeezed his hand in the dream.

“What does it mean?” You asked groggily.

“I do not know, not for sure.” He whispered. “I wonder...but maybe it has something to do with the nature of our magic together. Your teleportation, my enhancement. You may be taking us to these distant places, in a sort of half-solid form, without even meaning to. I do not know that for sure though. You have yet to physically teleport a whole person. It might not be that at all. But I wonder.”

“Should I go back to sleep?”

“Yes, my darling.” He said fondly. “Go back to sleep.”

                                                                        *****

You barely remembered the dream the next day, just a strong impression of blue light that you had seen in dreams before. Your head hurt, but Loki got you your medicine, and some breakfast, then called for Saldis to come help bathe and dress you. Saldis surprised you by lifting you up as effortlessly as Loki could; for a moment you had forgotten that she was Asgardian, and fully as strong as any of the rest of them.

She carried you off to the bath as if you were a new bride, and scrubbed you thoroughly, but carefully. Dressing was a bit more of a challenge; trying to get clothes on over your head without hurting.

“Oh dear, I do not think this is going to work.” She fretted. “However shall we get you dressed? Must I send out for another healing gown?”

“I might be able to help.” Loki said through the door, startling both of you. “I use magic to change clothes very often. It is much easier.”

“Might be our best bet.” You muttered.

“With your leave.” Saldis said, draping a towel over you. “He may be my Prince, but he does not get to cheat.” She said with a wink.

“All right, come in you eavesdropper!” You called, and he entered instantly, a cheeky grin stretching his face.

“Let's see...” He said gleefully lacing and stretching his fingers. “What shall you wear today? How shall we enhance that natural beauty of yours?”

“Oh, cut it out.” You said. Of course he would embarrass you in front of Saldis. It was perfect payback for the time you had done it.

“How do you feel about green, my darling?”

Saldis giggled, clearly enjoying herself. You rolled your eyes.

“As long as it doesn't clash with my bruises.”

“Oh no, never. I have a much better fashion sense than that! Besides, they are almost gone. You won't need my help much longer, so let me enjoy this, will you?”

“Oh, okay, get as fancy as you want.” You conceded.

“Just remember, you gave me permission!” He said swiftly, the emerald glitter of magic sparking from his hands.

“Okay...” You said, staring at all the flowing, green gauze and shining jewels in the mirror. “That's...a bit much.”

“You said as fancy as I wanted!” Loki pouted. “You said-”

“I know!” You cut him off. He certainly was the youngest child, wasn't he?

“I think you look lovely.” Saldis said, but the giggle was still there, behind her words. “Like a high-born lady.”

“But I'm not!” You protested. You weren't sure why you were so uncomfortable with being dressed like a princess, but it made you feel dangerously fake. Like an undeserving impostor that would insult all the real noblewomen.

Why did that matter? You were well aware that, having grown up poor, you had been bombarded with covert propaganda to make you believe that you didn't deserve better. But here, you had been shown just how dangerous an offended noble could be. Loki might be trying to impress you, but you weren't impressing his subjects.

“You are just as important as any Lady in our court.” Loki said firmly. “You must believe it, and own it. You are just as good as they are. You hold a place of supreme importance. In my entourage.”

“And besides, with his new reputation as Tyr's-bane, people will think twice about raising their precious hands to you.” Saldis interjected. “They are such a limited resource.”

“All right you impudent little thing.” Loki said. “You have other duties to attend to, do you not?”

“I can think of a few things, your Highness.” Saldis said, graciously taking her leave.

You still stared into the mirror, trying to recognize yourself. Your face, your clothes, all the jewels, all so different than the usual you. He'd even given you a tiara, for goodness sake, made of golden flowers, crusted with colorful jewels. Was this what Asgardian women wore in the prime of the realm's power and success?

It felt almost obscene.

Loki stood behind you, hands on your shoulders. “Does it really make you that uncomfortable? Do you not find these things beautiful?”

“I do, but...you know, all my jewelry was cheap plastic, all my clothes were clearance, almost everything I owned was just...” You trailed off.

“Prosperity...troubles you?” He asked, brow wrinkled in confusion.

“No, no, I'm just not used to it, that's all. Shouldn't these things go towards funding the rebuilding?”

“Oh, my darling. You are such a caring and generous soul. But we cannot sell every cultural artifact, now can we? Would we not lose some important part of ourselves in the process of commodifying our culture?”

“Oh. Well...”

“Besides, most of this is illusory anyway. I just thought you might feel better being stuck in that chair if you were also sparkling with riches at the same time.” A wave of his hand, and most of the gold was gone, tiara included. The green gauze remained, flowing over your figure like a wave.

“I could really get used to seeing you like this.” Loki said softly. “Could you?”

“Are you really the same guy who pulled me out of a bog half a year ago?” You asked  jokingly.

Loki smiled brightly, with a slight shake of his head.

“No.” He said.

[butterflyinthewell]

Godzilla’s brain! (Headcanon infodump)

If you want to get technical about it, Godzilla has an ABI (acquired brain injury) caused by hypoxia.

In humans ABIs are brain injuries that happen after birth. A TBI(traumatic brain injury) is considered an ABI too, but not all ABIs are TBIs. If you hit your head and it damaged your brain, that’s a TBI, which is an ABI. If you didn’t breathe properly after you were born and it damaged your brain, that’s just an ABI. Cerebral palsy is an ABI. A blow to the head that causes bleeding in the brain is an ABI that’s also a TBI. See how it works?

For Godzilla, “birth” is a muddy subject. He hatched from an egg, so the rules are a tiny bit different. Godzilla (as a typical pre-mutation godzillasaur) formed normally in the yolk of his egg with the exception of the ventricular septal defect in his heart. 

If you managed to get a drone into Godzilla’s body and passed it into his heart, you would find the septum stops about 2/3 of the way down. The hole looks almost like a nostril, and right smack in the middle are the two nerves of his heart’s conduction system-- much like the bundle of His in humans. The same genetic quirk gave him a quadricuspid aortic valve (he has 2 aortas and a foramen of panizza like a croc), but that doesn’t affect him at all, it just looks cool. 

The VSD didn’t pose much problem in the beginning when he was just a little blob. Issues arose as body finished developing and the fine tuning began. He needed more and more oxygen, which his heart couldn’t supply properly, and both his cranial and spinal brains were damaged as a result.

The motor areas in his spinal brain took the hit first, which affected his legs and tail. Then it happened in his cranial brain, which affected his upper body. Someone “candling” his egg would’ve noticed he moved less and less as his muscles tightened up.

Certain areas in his cranial brain failed to mature and migrate properly. The areas responsible for cognition got hit the hardest by that, which would lead to him having an unnatural fear response cycle (not enough emotional area connections to his tiny amygdala-equivalent), trouble with perception / spacial awareness and difficulty processing information. The areas of his brain that didn’t form properly linked up in a new way, and that led to his unusual hyperthymestic memory. It literally looks like a bridge of neurons across the bottom of his brain and functions like a human hippocampus. 

Guess what’s parked on top of that? His dinky bundle of amygdala-equivalent neurons. There’s only 1 bundle, whereas humans have 2. Those neurons aren’t connected with the rest of his brain, but they do connect to his brain stem, so they work a bit like 2 cords side by side that plug into the same wall outlet. The outlet is his brain stem. It’s why stimuli trigger physiological changes associated with fear, but not the emotion itself. So young Godzilla lacked the instinct to flee any danger, but felt his heart speed up, felt his breathing get faster and became more alert. Then he got angry because he was annoyed by the sudden bump of alertness.

Godzillasaurs don’t have a cerebral cortex as we know it. Still, their brains are arranged with bundles of neurons that function with similar complexity to more evolved animals. Maybe, if they had survived to evolve like the apes did, they might have come close to or matched humans in terms of intelligence. 

Post-mutation, Godzilla’s cranial brain seems small and simple at a glance (It’s about the size of a classic Volkswagen van), but someone weighing it would be surprised by its mass. He developed a neocortex with shallow gyri and sulci that function similarly to human frontal, temporal, occipital and parietal lobes. It’s because of this that he’s capable of “higher thought” beyond what he could do as an unmutated godzillasaur, such as thinking about the future and being able to "question” things. (His equivalent of going “wait, is it a good idea to do that?” Usually he does whatever *that* is anyway...but the ability to wonder if he should is one he didn't have before! So when he looks back in his memory he asks himself questions he would’ve asked at those times if he could.) 

Now, remember his dinky bundle of amygdala-equivalent neurons? They branched out to connect with his hippocampus-equivalent and it’s why trauma triggers an emotional fear response instead of just the physiological part, but other stimuli only set off the physiological response. 

Godzilla grew a very primitive limbic system. It’s because of this that he connects more deeply to an emotional range he wasn’t wholly capable of pre-mutation. Part of that was his ABI, so the mutation helped connect areas in his brain that weren’t connected before.

These brain changes happened rapidly over a span of days, hence the temporary deafness and blindness Godzilla struggled through as his body changed. The tonic-clonic and myoclonic seizures he endured came from the already-damaged areas of his brain migrating (which irritated surrounding tissues) and new neurons growing so fast they sheared themselves apart. 

The seizures both intensified his hyperthymestic memory and exacerbated the ABI-related cognitive issues he already has. His “hippocampus” bridge was encoded with all this trauma between seizures, which allowed it to connect with the emotional areas of his brain to create the circuit where trauma leads to a proper fear response. He hasn’t had a seizure since his mutation completed, but his bouts of clonus (shaking / twitching) and full body spasms (random tensing up) can look like one. He has more all-over spasms when he’s fatigued, the clonus just happens randomly.

Godzilla’s intelligence is average for his species, but the issues caused by his ABI post-mutation mask it. He would have a pretty serious case of dyscalculia, no sense of direction and a complete inability to read maps or numbers if he was human. The only reason he has any sense of direction is because he uses his hyperthymestic memory, the horizons and Earth’s magnetic fields to navigate his old migration routes by feel. A strong magnetic pull can throw him way off course. He can recall sequences of actions perfectly because his autobiographical memory is always recording things, and the right stimuli make him recall it.

And those weird extraordinary abilities mask his struggles. If he was human he would get misdiagnosed as intellectually disabled due to presenting in such an unusual way. He’s cognitively disabled. 

Kaijuologists miss the cognitive issues because Godzilla doesn’t live in a world where his cognitive struggles interfere as much. He doesn’t speak our words or think like us, so it’s hard to tell a species thing, apart from his personality, instincts and a cognition issue. Testing him and Shezilla together would make his issues and their personalities glaringly obvious. (Godzilla tends to be abrupt and brusque, Shezilla is inquisitive and analytical.)

Godzilla gets stuck mentally, but to an observing human it looks like he is suddenly angry for no reason because he gets a specific expression on his face when it happens. It’s a sneer coupled with a frowning, wide-eyed thousand yard stare that could peel the paint right off a car.

This “stuck” condition has to do with how he processes information, his spacial awareness, the environment not matching up to what he thinks should be there and his inability to suss out what’s different or why it’s different. 

Example 1: (With family)

There’s a boulder formation on the island he, Shezilla and Filia call home. He looks at it a lot. One day he leaves to feed on something radioactive.

Filia starts playing around on the boulders and accidentally knocks one of them behind a bigger one, so it’s no longer visible. She runs off to do something else.

Godzilla comes back, looks at the boulder formation and sees something is different. But he can’t figure out what that difference is, even as he stares at the gap where the missing boulder should be. He remembers it was there, but his mind doesn’t click in with what happened. That’s a spacial awareness issue tangling up with his memory.

He gets really mad because I know something is wrong and I can’t figure out what it is! 

Shezilla goes up to Godzilla and tells him what’s wrong because she knows that frown with wide open eyes means the gears in his head are stuck. Telling him what’s wrong gets him unstuck before he flies into a rage. The temper tantrum is disarmed. 

Nobody has to put the rock back because that’s not the problem. Godzilla’s brain is a bit like HTML text page where the missing boulder is somebody forgot to close a <b> tag in the title, so the whole page ends up with bold text. All Shezilla does by telling him it was moved is give him the </b> tag. Now he can understand what’s different and why. 

Putting the boulder back will also get him unstuck since it “fixes” the “broken picture” he’s stuck trying to process. It doesn’t matter if it’s upside down or facing a different directly entirely, it just has to be there.

He wouldn’t have had the problem if all the boulders got moved, because then the whole picture is changed instead of just a small part. Big changes make him go “wow, wtf?”, but smaller ones cause him to get stuck. 

-

Example 2: (Alone)

Being hyperthymestic causes Godzilla to get lost in his memory a lot. It’s not quite maladaptive daydreaming because he’s mentally going over another part of his life.

He goes foraging in Tokyo, but his mind is traveling millions of years ago to when he walked among trees many times taller than him. He loses track of what’s real and what’s recollection. His mind’s eye sees trees, not buildings.

Then a maser cannon zaps him in the chest, abruptly yanking him to the present. He sees the buildings instead of the trees. He doesn’t know where the trees went, so he knocks a building down thinking the forest is right behind it. And it isn’t.

Now there’s a bunch of maser tanks, missiles, artillery, etc slamming into Godzilla. It’s a bombardment of bright lights, smoke / gunpowder smells and loud noise while he’s already confused about where he is in time, so on top of being confused he’s now in sensory overload too.

He gets pissed off because he can’t find the forest he remembers and he can’t think his way through what is past and what is now with all the chaos being thrown at him. The tantrum* kicks in. He smashes everything in sight, screams at the JSDF that he’s lost and destroys more of the city out of spite because nobody is there to tell him the forest he’s looking for is long gone. He thinks it’s hidden in or behind the big buildings, and no it doesn’t occur to him that a whole forest can’t fit inside / behind a building that’s as tall as he is. That’s a hint of the spacial awareness issue.

So he smashes buildings and there is no forest. It takes a lot of smashing and stomping for him to realize there isn’t a forest hidden in the city.

The tantrum cools his rage enough to think clearly again, but it’s mentally and emotionally exhausting. Giving up isn’t something Godzilla likes to do. In this case, he has to, because all the activity has his heartrate up and his chest hurts. That’s always his warning sign to chill out.

Godzilla takes out a nuclear reactor, feeds and leaves. He’s irritable and sore as he swims away. He gets home to his island, which has a beautiful forest. The environment matches his memory again, so he calms down and goes to sleep.

* It’s not like an autistic meltdown at all. Godzilla doesn’t have control of whether or not he has a tantrum once his temper explodes, but he can choose how he responds to it. He chooses to yell, smash stuff and make a mess. Sensory overload is painful, confusing and annoying to him, but sensory overload alone won’t make him lose control of himself. He just smashes everything around him until he stops whatever’s causing it. 

If Shezilla is in the city with Godzilla, she can calm him down and lead him away without as much destruction. No matter how mad he gets Godzilla will never purposely try to injure his own family members, and Shezilla knows this. She knows how to talk to him and help him get in line with the present. (And by ‘talk’ I mean communicating in Old Tongue. :P)

-

Example 3: (Alone) 

I’m gonna borrow from my Shrinking Project fanfic to say it’s possible to make Godzilla shut down mentally and emotionally by taking him through a lot of rapid changes in a short period of time. This is the worst way he gets stuck mentally and it’s the hardest for him to deal with.

So tiny!Godzilla is plucked up out of the ocean after being hit by the shrink ray. He wakes up on a lab table to giant humans staring down at him. Goro, the aggressive one, throws his arms up in an attempt to intimidate. Godzilla reacts to that by getting pissed off and asking the guy what he thinks he’s doing.

Goro keeps escalating Godzilla, and then Reiko suddenly comes over with a tank of gas that knocks him out. Godzilla wakes up in an enclosure that’s all plain surfaces. It’s unfamiliar and strange.

A lot of things happen between that enclosure and the main laboratory. Then Reiko smuggles Godzilla out, so he ends up in a dark shoebox. Dark is scary to him, so he scrapes holes in the box to get some light. He goes from the shoebox to Reiko’s bathtub.

The environment never stays stable. He’s always finding himself somewhere completely new with new information to process. It’s stressful. He gets exhausted.

So Godzilla lays down wherever he is and turns inward. No matter where he is, he will slip into a deep sleep because he no longer has the capacity to deal with what’s going on.

If he’s allowed to sleep it off, he’ll be fine when he wakes up because sleep is how he rests his brain. If he’s awakened and disturbed, he is sluggish and depressed due to his ability to think / process information being greatly diminished.

Now, Godzilla won’t be processing much if he’s chasing an enemy through various environments or seeking sustenance. Giving him a goal gives him something concrete to focus on. But if there’s no goal and several rapid changes happen quickly, it’s like ripping apart a puzzle he’s trying to finish and making him start over. Eventually, he’ll flip the table and refuse to start over again, and that is his brain shutting down.

The best thing anyone can do, whether it’s humans or Shezilla, is to leave him alone when he curls up on the ground. He needs that shutdown sleep. If something like that happened around Shezilla in an inopportune place, she would tell Godzilla this isn’t the best place to sleep and take him somewhere better. If it’s humans handling a tiny!Godzilla, putting him somewhere quiet and dark and not disturbing him at all is the best way to help him recover. 

This situation is the kind of stuck where only time will get him unstuck.

-

Godzilla can eventually solve most problems on his own. If it’s not a life or death situation he’ll let it go once he’s done being pissed off about being stuck on it.

In Godzilla vs MechaGodzilla II he gets mad because he can’t find Baby. He throws a tantrum and trashes part of the city before he leaves. Later, he decides that if he smashes MechaGodzilla, he’ll be able to get to Baby. And that’s what happened. Humans would say that’s not correct, that MechaGodzilla wasn’t holding Baby prisoner, but Godzilla saw MechaGodzilla as a metal abomination getting between him and another of his kind. He removed the obstacle and Miki Saegusa led him to Baby.

SpaceGodzilla imprisoned LittleGodzilla, so Godzilla smashes through a city in a rage to reach SpaceGodzilla. He figured out that SpaceGodzilla was using a tower as an energy source like he uses radiation, so he destroyed the tower. Killing SpaceGodzilla nullified his crystals, which set LittleGodzilla free.

Godzilla’s problem solving is slow and depends on the situation, but 99% of the time he eventually gets his brain unstuck. Sometimes he thinks fast and comes up with a solution right away, sometimes he doesn’t. 

That doesn’t mean he’s totally unable to get himself unstuck or solve a problem, it’s just easier if someone is there to help him get unstuck. It saves him the grief of being confused for however long it takes before he figures the issue out or lets a minor thing go.

[fatebeastbirthorder]

True Name: Shiva

Vessel Name: Emiya Shirou

Also Known As: Supreme Being; Lord of Divine Energy, Meditation, Arts, Yoga, Time, Destruction, Dance; Supreme Destroyer of Evil; Lord of The Devas

Class: Archer, Lancer, Rider, Berserker

The supreme god of Hindu Mythology manifested as a servant in the form of a certain master from a certain war. Despite the ultimate similarities between their powers, namely that of creation, the main reason for Shiva’s choice of vessel was ultimately the choice of Parvati’s own, the divine romance surpassing most of the process of vessel choice

Shiva can be summoned into four classes based on aspects of himself. His Archer Class was born based on the episode where he faced off against Arjuna, defeating the Demi-God eight times over through eight different forms and the guise of a hunter, his Lancer Class based on his Trishula, Rider Class based on the divine bull Nandi and Berserker class based on the episode where Shiva became Bhairava, the form in which he is closest to his destructive capabilities.

Stats

General

Strength: - Endurance: B Agility: A+ Luck: E Mana: A Noble Phantasm: EX

Class Skills

Magic Resistance: Rank A

Being a God, his Magic Resistance is very high

Clairvoyance (Yogi): Rank EX

Depicted as an omniscient Yogi, he possesses an equivalent skill to EX Clairvoyance, granting him the power to see at the present and past while meditating as well as the current future. He is unable to see into all futures and only into the current one, incapable of divination to what his actions will do to the future 

Personal Skills

Divinity: Rank A++

Denoting him as not only a God but a Supreme God of Hinduism and Shivaism, even in his reduced form he is of a very high rank of Divinity 

Rudra-Śiva: Rank A

The paradoxical being of Shiva that has the contrary sets of attributes for both malignant or terrifying (rudra) and benign or auspicious (śiva). As a paradox, he cannot embody both, but he can switch between them, notably being called the Mahākāla “which ultimately destroys all things” and Śaṇkara “conferring happiness”. As Mahākāla his destructive capabilities increase to a point where he can bring about the end of all things, manifested in increasing his Strength rank to EX as a show that nothing can withstand his fury; while as Śaṇkara and because of it, his Strength ranking is missing as he is able to create all things but is ultimately unable to destroy

Ashes of Passing: Rank A+

Shiva iconography shows his body covered with ashes. The ashes represent a reminder that all of material existence is impermanent, comes to an end becoming ash. It increases the damage of his attacks and his Endurance the more damage is done around him and by him, though he can sacrifice the ashes for various means such as restoring his magical energy or a temporary greater power boost

Mahāyogi: Rank B

As a great and sacrificial Yogi, Shiva is able to preform feats simply by meditating and doing yoga, including but not limited to restoring his Mana Supply, restoring his Master’s mana supply, healing wounds, undoing Mental Interference effects and more  

Noble Phantasms:

Tryambakam: Rank EX

Type: Anti-Universe Range: ???

Shiva’s third eye, denoting him as the one who would burn the universe. It has the power to set the entire universe aflame and all who are burnt by it are destroyed on a conceptual level. Actually opening the eye however is difficult and rare, something around which legends would be formed and as such it is a rarely used Noble Phantasm. Due to a number of seals by Shiva himself as well as Alaya, it cannot be used in the first place unless in very specific circumstances. It can only be used at the order of a Command Seal when Shiva is close enough to death there is no other option and only when about to face the release of an opposing EX Rank Noble Phantasm or within a Reality Marble if not both 

Tāṇḍavam: Rank EX

Type: Anti-Unit Range: ???

Shiva's Tandava is described as a vigorous dance that is the source of the cycle of creation, preservation and dissolution. It has two forms and is tied to his [Rudra-Śiva] skill. The Rudra Tandava, preformed in Anger, has the power to destroy anything in his path, including death itself, conceptually destroying everything he wants to within the range of the weapon he uses; while the Ananda Tandava, preformed in Joy, has the power to heal anything on a conceptual level which not even death itself can go against nor can Alaya deny Even when not used to it’s full strength, it carries the five principle manifestations of eternal energy: Srishti - creation, evolution, Sthiti - preservation, support, Samhara - destruction, evolution, Tirodhana - illusion and Anugraha - release, emancipation, grace and as such opens itself up to more possibilities  Due to his current vessel, Tandava is manifested as a dance with weapons, activating itself in a passive form that equals his Strength Ranking to the level of projected Noble Phantasm or Weapon

Unlimited Preserver, Ātman of the Body: Rank EX

Type: Anti-World Range: ???

A non-standard Noble Phantasm and one born solely from Shiva’s current vessel. Originally known as Unlimited Blade Works, it surpasses it’s usual capabilities as the weapons created gain the Blessing of Shiva, increasing their power up by a rank and thus putting them on equal Rank as the original weapons. Otherwise, it’s functions remain the same as those of Unlimited Blade Works. Ātman is the first principle, the true self of an individual beyond identification with phenomena, the essence of an individual

Pashupata: A++ Rank

Type: Anti-Unit Range: 1~100

As the one who granted it to Arjuna, Shiva is also able to utilize the same Noble Phantasm as Arjuna. It’s rank slightly increased due to Shiva being it’s maker and original user

Class Specific

Archer

Class Skills

Independent Action: C~EX Rank

Not likely to go off on his own and as such his actual Rank in the skill is only of C rank; however with Mahayogi he is capable of endlessly sustaining himself and as such the other part of the skill can reach up to EX Rank

Noble Phantasms

Shiva Dhanush - The Faller of Cities: A+ Rank

Type: Anti-Fortress Range: ???

A divine construct and weapon of immense power which destroyed the nigh-everlasting fortress of Tripura. It is capable of shooting down it’s target no matter where it is as long as it is within line of the shot, marked by the destruction of the three cities on the Earth, Sky and Heaven. The bow itself carries the property of “one-arrow-one-shot and cities should be destroyed“ as a result, denoting it as powerful enough to destroy entire cities just by being fired after it’s name is declared and power activated 

Pashupatastra - The Most Superior Arm: EX Rank

Type: Anti-Life Range: ???

The full and true manifestation of Pashupata.

“Superior to the Brahma, the Indra, the Agneya, and the Varuna weapons, it is capable of neutralizing every other weapon in the universe. It was with that weapon that the illustrious Mahadeva had in days of yore, burnt and consumed in a moment the triple city of the Asuras. With the greatest ease, Mahadeva, using that single arrow, achieved that feat. That weapon, shot by Mahadeva's arms, can, without doubt consume in half the time taken up by a twinkling of the eyes the entire universe with all its mobile and immobile creatures. In the universe there is no being including even the deities, that are incapable of being slain by that weapon.”

Next to Shiva’s third eye, it is the most powerful weapon at his disposal. It inflicts instant death to any and all struck by it with it’s range exceeding and engulfing the entirety of the universe  It is capable of destroying creation and vanquishing all beings as it is one of the most destructive, powerful, irresistible weapons of all the weapons mentioned in the Hindu mythology and it can be discharged by the mind, the eyes, words, or a bow

Like his Third Eye, it is limited in when it can be released however as it is never to be used against lesser enemies, meaning the stats of the opponent it is used against have to be equal to or greater than Shiva’s own and it can only be used against an opponent Shiva had lost to before 

Lancer

Class Skills

None

Noble Phantasm

Trishula Mahadeva: Rank EX

Type: Anti-Unit, Anti-Army Range: 1~1000 Units

When looked upon as a weapon of Shiva, the trishula is said to destroy the three worlds: the physical world, the world of the forefathers and the world of the mind. The three worlds are supposed to be destroyed by Shiva into a single non-dual plane of existence, that is bliss alone

It’s main use is to channel his powers, regardless of if destructive or creating, into a more focused form, releasing them in the form of an attack that can destroy armies and more with a single strike It can however also be used as a single target weapon, doing immense damage on it’s own while simultaneously disabling the target’s Skills and Noble Phantasms while in contact with them and further doing mental damage  On top of that, it is infallible, cannot be stopped by anyone, except Lord Shiva himself and Goddess Shakti

Rider

Class Skills

Riding: A+ Rank

Capable of Mounting and riding Divine Beast level mounts 

Noble Phantasm 

Nandi - The Gatekeeper Bull: Rank C

 A non-offensive bull and mount. It is a guardian deity who’s main focus is on defense rather than offense, possessing blessings of Shiva, immortality and clad in armor of diamond  It also possesses divine knowledge 

Berserker

Class Skills

Mad Enhancement: EX Rank

He is still within reason and capable of preforming most forms of thought as well as capable of having conversations; but ultimately he loses the Śaṇkara and Śiva aspects of himself, unable to change into them and staying in a destructive form driven by slaughter

Noble Phantasm

None Unique