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vegetalass · 4 years ago

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RDR2 Boys Cooking + Eating Habits

Arthur

Somebody else on here wrote some headcanons about Arthur not being able to cook and just eating microwave food all the time and I just have to say…. That’s canon

Lowkey though he’s trying his best to get better at cooking

Probably the only thing he knows how to make is pasta

He adds a bunch of random frozen veggies to water as the noodles are cooking

And then smothers the whole thing in butter and calls it a meal

Or he puts marinara sauce on it straight from the jar

And yes, that means it’s cold

He’s also getting better at friend rice, too

But he’s really bad at actually making rice

If he doesn’t add too much water… He burns the bottom

Charles makes a mental note to buy him a rice cooker for his birthday

Makes his own popsicles out of random fruit juices and eats them 24/7

Thinks this qualifies him as a chef

Eats pickles and olives straight out of the jar with a fork

And sauerkraut too probably

Just goes over to john’s house on his pizza nights

Puts ketchup on eggs

John

Pizza dad

Probably orders pizza, salad, and a 64oz soda twice a week

Everything else is just Dino chicken nuggets, Eggos, hot dogs, quesadillas, and frozen peas and corn

Food you feed to little kids, basically

Mostly because he does have a little kid

But also because it’s easy and takes minimal effort and he doesn’t mind eating it, too

Abigail would be mad but she has no room to talk

The most you’ll see him actually make is buttered pasta (like Arthur) or sometimes beans and rice

Abigail bought them a rice cooker a while ago so that’s one thing he doesn’t have to worry about

Probably always has some type of dessert laying around

Doesn’t mean it’s good, but it’s there

Abigail buys a bunch of those gross, low calorie ice creams and John ends up having to finishing them

Family lunches consist of a bologna sandwich on wheat bread with American cheese and mayo, a piece of fruit, a bag of chips or crackers, a go-gurt, and some gummies

And yes he makes them for himself and Abigail too

They’re all eating good at the Marston household

(Not really)

Charles

Everything he cooks are things that can’t be made in single batches

Lots of healthy soups, chilis, stew, etc…

Most of the time, he makes too much of whatever it is so he always has leftovers

Everyone is jealous when he brings them for lunch

Probably finds all of his recipes in the newspaper or random magazines he reads while at the grocery store checkout line

Everyone is like, “Charles… Why are you reading Women’s Fitness?”

And he’s like, “Check out this salad recipe, though”

Puts hot sauce on everything

Salad, macaroni and cheese, hamburgers... You name it

And he’s the king of snacking

All of his snacks are healthy, though

Raw veggies and fruit and quinoa chips from Whole Foods or something like that

Nobody likes this

He’s one of those people who brings hard boiled eggs everywhere as a “snack,” too

And yea, he puts hot sauce on those, also

He really likes those weird protein bars that are hard to bite into and taste like chalk

The flavors are either normal stuff like white chocolate macadamia or Protein Power Punch with whey, chia and seaweed

There’s no in between

He’s also a charcuterie board legend

Hosea is jealous of this talent

Micah

Spends all his money on take out

He’s totally one of those weird people who’s entire trash can is just filled with take out boxes and cans of coke or beer

Constantly eating fast food

You ask him what he bought at the supermarket and he’s like “Pub mix and bud light”

SIR

Everything that he does manage to cook only involve one step of preparation

Unseasoned, fried meats and boiled veggies

Sometimes scrambled eggs and bacon

If he’s feeling fancy, he will make plain sandwiches

This is very rare, though

Can and will complain about anyone’s cooking

Even if it’s good and he he likes it

There are certain people he can’t do this to, though, or they won’t let him eat

The only person’s cooking he doesn’t complain about is Dutch’s

Constantly snacking from an entire party sized bag of chips

And yes, he eats straight out of the bag and wipes his fingers on his jeans

His oven is dirty

Hosea

A meal for him is probably a handful of almonds and an applesauce or yogurt cup

He is constantly making a bunch of those Tik Tok recipes where you just put a bunch of random stuff into your crock pot and add ranch seasoning and cream cheese

*insert all of those memes about mom pulling out the crock pot*

If you complain, he says “Well, you’re always welcome to cook, too”

Wears an apron when he cooks

Constantly eating plain toast with butter

And bananas

And cheese sticks

Thinks that this makes him “healthy”

Definitely likes to snack on those cocktail fruit cups and canned mandarin oranges

His entire freezer is just full of ice cream

It’s all weird flavors like Cherry Garcia, chocolate banana, and pistachio though

Everyone hates him for this

Raisins are his late night treat

Has a secret stash of candy no one can find

That’s okay though because it’s mostly Werthers Originals

And Chiclets gum

He picks out all the orange ones, though

Dutch

Tries to re-plate takeout so he can call it his own

Everybody sees through this but they stopped commenting on it like four Thanksgivings ago

Buys a bunch of those meals from Costco that all you need to do is heat up in the oven

He does like fast food but only from the less popular places

Carl’s Jr., Wendy’s, BK, Arby’s, etc.

A&W, too, because he’s old and weird

He can totally cook, he just never does

It’s just normal stuff like spaghetti and meatballs or chicken and rice, though

Tuna fish casserole

He over-seasons everything, though

Mostly because he’s trying to prove that he’s a good cook

Eats dessert twice, every night

Once right after dinner, and then later when he’s feeling like a treat

Will eat in bed

Uses a little bib and tray and everything

Likes pumpkin and sunflower seeds

Would eat hot wings with gloves on

He’s the one who taught Arthur to put ketchup on eggs

Kieran

The second I realized that Kieran would probably be white trash, my life changed

Hamburger Helper meals for LIFE

That one cheeseburger pasta? Kieran probably eats that three times a week

He 100% makes the ketchup-butter sketti from Honey Boo Boo

“It’s been a while since I done had roadkill in my belly”

His favorite dessert is ambrosia salad or that weird yogurt/Cool Whip covered jello that was popular in the 2000s

Probably has a TV dinner every once in a while, too

Instant mashed potatoes and minute rice type of guy

Also gives me big microwave cheddar broccoli vibes

I’ve said this before, but his house is probably stocked with all kinds of on-brand goodies

Probably always has some kind of chip and cookie around

Eats dinner in front of the TV

Dips french fries in mayonnaise

All of this said though, he isn’t a picky eater and will eat whatever is put on his plate

That’s why he’s great to take to restaurants, because he never complains

Honestly it’s just so sweet to think of him making big crockpot meals to share with ppl even if his cooking is a lil.... strange

Javier

Thinks that the hot dog combo from Costco is a suitable dinner

Also gets hot food from the grocery store for dinner a lot

Literally will just heat up a can of something and eat it plain

Beans, chili, soup…

Doesn’t doctor it up or change it at all

He’s happy to share but no one wants any

Chips and dip, 24/7

And it’s just Tostitos Hint of Lime chips and hummus

Probably puts hummus on everything, too

Corn chips, tortilla chips, tortillas, vegetables, sandwiches, etc.

Will put anything in a tortilla and call it a sandwich

Eats leftovers cold

The rest of the gang thinks this is a sin

Makes stir fry with whatever is laying around the house

It’s a little gross because he will try to add leftover beans

Refuses to eat fast food

The only exception he’ll make is for french fries and ice cream

Walks around and eats at the same time

Isn’t above asking the other boys to share with him

Despite the fact that this only happens if what they’re eating is good

Which is almost never

Sean

Sean can’t cook. That’s the end of it

The most he can make is that weird microwave Mac and cheese where the pasta is boiled in the mug??

He never does it tho and just sticks with the normal, frozen Mac and Cheese you can microwave instead

Uses his microwaving ability to make mug cakes

And microwave scrambled eggs

Burns his popcorn every single time

He’s probably set of the smoke detector or fire alarm multiple times

He’s Irish though so of course he’s addicted to potatoes and cabbage

And since he’s from the UK, he likes stuff like beans on toast and marmite

He’s a little nasty too so catch him eating bologna sandwiches on wonder bread

Not even the Marstons are that bad

When he does get takeout, he overspends trying to use a delivery app

He’s like, “And do I need the extra side of special sauce for $5…? Yes.”

Cooks like this

#rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #red dead redemption 2 headcanons #rdr2 headcanons #arthur morgan #i finally wrote the cooking one LOL #hope you enjoy!!#excited to work on some requests now!

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undercoverwizardfanfiction · 4 years ago

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A ROTTMNT FanFiction: Support System Part 1

This is a gift (Part 1 of a few chapters) for a special friend of mine @jadethest0ne who i hope never forgets what a wonderful person and friend she is.

Also I”m warning you now, this story is going to have a lot of medical incidences, which will include blood, stitches, and many other things. Including allergic reactions. If this makes you uncomfortable do not read. But its no more intense then what you’d see in a Med Drama (I think so?I don’t actually watch those. Except Scrubs, does that count? I love Scrubs)

Summary: Leo always understood his role in the family. Ever since he was a child, he was going to be the one who helped his brothers and heal them after their worst pains. But what if that wasn’t enough anymore?

Pairings: OH sure you can come look! * picks up flaming tree branch* If you dare

Characters: Leonardo, Donatello, Splinter, Raphael, Michelangelo

Genre: Hurt Comfort, friends family With a smidgen of angst

“Donnie catch!!!”

Even though he was seven years old, Donnie had had enough natural instinct at this point to grab the book he had been reading (twice as thick as Raphies head) and summersault over the back of his beanbag chair in time for a large brick to land where he had been with a painful ‘thud’. Donnie peered at the thrown object before frowning at the perpetrator in a large red jersey, “Raphie what did we talk about the reading bean bag?”

“To, uh.” Raphie’s eyes crossed as they usually did when he was asked a question. Leo said it was because Raph didn’t like to t hint. But Donnie knew it was just because Raphie knew if he played dumb people would stop asking him things he didn’t want to answer, “throw things at you when you’re sitting on it? Look at my jersey!” He spun around to show the back, where Raphie marked out players name (with what looked like green jello) and wrote ‘Ghost Bear’ in its place (written in pudding) “See?! Isn’t this great?!!”

“Not great enough to throw a brick at me.”

“You’re right! I should of thrown more!!”

Don puffed up his cheeks so hard that his glasses misaligned, he wanted to say something to deter the possibility of having to dodge a downpour of bricks (again) when a crashing sound came from the living room followed by loud crying. A moment later Splinter was running out of the bathroom with only a shower curtain for a towel and head full of soap, “Whose hurt whose bleeding?!” He called sliding past the living room for a moment in a streak of soap before running in. Donnie was already hurrying after him with Raphie on his heels.

The source of the crying came from Mikey who was siting on the ground with a large cut on his scalp, probably the result of the broken lamp by his side, and the source of the louder crying came from Leo knelt by his side, “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m so sorry-“ before looking to their father with a unnatural amount of tears pouring out of his eyes, “dad I think his skulls broken and now hh-his brain is leaking out!!!

“Blue its ok it’s just a cut.” Splinter hoisted Mikey up into his arms, looking his head over, “Mikey is it more hurty or scary?”

Mikey let out a small hiccup, wiping at his streaming eyes “S-scary.”

“Alright, lets Go get this fixed up my brave orange.” Splinter held Mikey to his chest, before reaching out and cupping Leo’s face in his free hand, “Blue it was a accident. He’ll be ok.” Giving the still weeping child a peck on scalp, before looking back at Leo who looked like he was going to be sick with concern, but Donnie was already out of the room and dragging a chair over to the fridge and using it to climb up, pulling open the freezer to the sight of several dark blue teddy bears lined up in the corner. He didn’t particularly like the texture of the ‘cool bears’ so he put his hands and his sleeved and made sure to grab the one with one ear and a green Jupiter Jim shirt that nearly froze his fingertips through his long hoodie sleeves and hurried back to the living room knowing Dad wouldn’t leave Leo’s side if he was this distressed, “Its ok Dad.” Donnie said, sitting by Leo, “I got him.” The minute Leo saw the teddy he stopped his loud weeping and grabbed it, hugging the icy cold bear to his chest and burying his face in it. Splinter let out a sigh of relief, “Thank you Purple.” He said rubbing his scalp, “Red can you brush up the broken pieces? I’ll clean them up later. I’m going to take care of Mikey.” He said standing up, carrying the youngest child out of the room. Raph, puffed up his chest, “Ok you two heard, I’m in charge so that –“

“Raphie go do what Dad said.” Don wasn’t in the mood to have Raphie power trip on him, before you can ask yes a child can power trip if they’re left in charge for longer then two minutes, the oldest brother puffed up his cheeks. But when Donnie gave a pointed look to Leo, who was still rocking softly with his face buried in the cold teddy bear, he seemed to understand what he was saying and went to go get a broom. Donnie stood up, brushing the dirt off his hoodie, “come on Leo, “ he said, taking up his brothers hand. The blue turtle stood up, trailing after Don with his face still pressed into his bear as though is the was the last life preserve to his sanity. Donnie pulled Leo into the kitchen, so he could grab another cool bear if the one his brother had defrosted too much. Leo he climbed up miserably onto the round diner couch and curled up into a little ball, “Leo you didn’t mean to hurt Mikey-“ There was some muttering but Don couldn’t understand, “Leo I cant hear you through LL Cool Bear-“ He tilted his head hoping to get a better read on what Leo was saying. Don climbed up onto chair to sit next to him, he barely had time to open his arms before Leo was curled up against him. With one hand still pressing Cool Bear against his face, Leo’s free arm hugged Donnie tightly to him. Though Donnie was usually the one who didn’t like physical contact, he also knew when his brothers needed him. So he took a deep breath and wrapped his arms around his still trembling brother.

There was a shuffle as Splinter came into the living room, his shower curtain now wrapped like a toga (he was probably sick of holding it up) with hair clips to hold it in place “Alright alright Oranges boo boo’s have been bandaged and kiss glass cleaned up where’s-“ before seeing the two curled up int eh boooth. With some effort he managed to squeeze in on the other side, “Blue it is alright no one is in trouble. Orange said he just tripped over the lamp cord-“ But like last time, the only response Leo was able to give was another muffled shout into the teddy bear.Splinter looked to Don, “how long has he been hiding his face?” Don shrugged in response “Alright time to pull out the big guns.” Splinter shuffled out of his seat and went to the fridge, “Oh Bbblllueeee, I have three red hots/ raisin cookies with your name on it.”

Leo gave out a loud sniff, raising his eyes from Cool Bear but refusing to pull it completely from his face or leave Don’s arms, “With hot sauce milk?”

Don could see Splinter struggle not to cringe , “of course my Blueberry! What a lovely,” the rat shivered, “Lovely combination.” He said pulling out a bottle of hot sauce and a gallon of milk, pouring out a glass. He visibly gulped before twisting open the hot sauce lid and pouring half its contents into he small class of milk. If he hadn’t been focused on being Leos’ support he would of laughed at Splinters struggle to maintain a straight face. But he managed to stir up a light pink glass of contaminated milk, “Purple would you like some?”

“Not hungry.” Purple shook his head, “Dad when are you going to get dressed? You’ve been eating a shower curtain for forever.”

“Oh this is nothing Purple. I spent the first four years in a shower curtain.” When Splinter set down the plate and glass Leo finally pulled his face away from his bear long enough to uncover his mouth, taking one of the abomination cookies (as donnie liked to call them) and dipping them into his hot sauce milk, pressing the bear to the other side of his face. “Blue, do you understand no ones in trouble? It was a accident-“

“B-but Mikey got hurt.” Leo’s eyes filled with tears again “He was bleeding, I don’t want my brothers to be in pain ever.”

Splinter gave a sigh that Don recognized a mile away, scooting closer and letting Leo snuggle into his fathers side, “Blue, you understand that you can not prevent your brothers from getting hurt? They are their own people, who happen to love playing rough.”

Don could see the tears reforming in Leo’s eyes as his breathing quickened, “No, I love them I don’t want them to get hurt ever.” Donnie scooted closer to rub at his shell, “how can I help them if I can’t keep them from getting hurt?”

“Well,” Splinter thought for a moment, “ as your father I don’t like seeing you boys get hurt either, when you have four boys running around in four directions it’s nearly impossible to do, but I instead make sure that I’m prepared for when you do get hurt. I have a first aid kit”

Leo sniffed, “You mean the booboo box?”

“I-yes. The booboo box. It has bandages, bandaids, and what ever I need incase one of my favorite boys gets hurt.”

Leo pugged up his cheeks, squeezing Don’s hand for all it was worth. Donnie could tell he was thinking something through-“Can I have one?”

“I.” Splinter paused, “I’m not sure Blue first aid kits aren’t really toys.” But the moment Leos eyes swelled with tears again their father sighed. While Their dad was easy going when it came to small things he rarely gave in to request like this. But later on Don would wonder if it was Leo’s sincerity that caused Splinter to smile “How about this, i’m not going to give you a full first aid kit now. But how about I give you a couple of bandaids to carry with you if you weld them responsibly. And you must tell me when your brothers are hurt as well, Ok?” Splinter he dug through eh med kit and pulled out a few Lou Jitsu bandaids, “If you prove you can be responsible with these, then we can talk about you getting a first aid kid later, is that a deal?”

Leo’s eyes widen to the size of monster truck tires, holding his free hand out taking the bandaids as though they were a treasure, “I-I’ll do it! I’ll be re’ponsible! I-I’ll keep my brothers safe!” He puffed up his chest. He pulled from donnie and stood up on i the chair, hugging his father rightly around his neck, causing their father to chuckle and hold him back , “I believe in you my little Blueberry.” Stroking the back of his head.

Of course Leo would hold his word, using his powerful bandaids only when needed, and going to get Splinter when he needed him. So next Christmas, when he received a first aid kit (albeit one that was been modified for a child to mess with safely) he smiled for days to come.

But on that day, donnie watched Splinter hold his brother who, just a hour ago, had been in the midst of a intense panic attack. Wouldn’t forget how he felt watching his brother. Unlike Leo, Donnie already had a understanding of the world that a child shouldn’t have. Wheel his brothers dreamt of what it would be like to go to the surface, Donnie knew what dangers would await them.

If they got hurt

If they got discovered

If they-

So the next time he earned enough ‘good stars’ to go to the library he not only got the books he knew wouldn’t arouse suspicion, he also picked up one he hoped he would never have to use.But one he would read over and over again till he ad the entire thing dedicated to memory.

He would be ready

He would protect Mikey

He would protect Raph

He would protect Splinter

He would protect Leo

(#)(#)\/(#)(#)

(Seven years later)

Mikey looked around in panic, searching for a escape route. But before he could do anything Leo gave a mighty shriek of unknown animal origin (he had been going for something between a kitten and bat) and lunging forward. Mikey gave a yelp of surprise before falling back on the armchair. With his quarry trapped, Leo brought up his fingers in a claw form and attacked. His six fingers becoming weapons of death as he dug them into Mikeys sides, his brother burst out laughing, squirming In a desperate attempt to escape this assault, but Leo danced around the arm chair, both keeping Mikey trapped and attacking his most sensitive spots, “Submit to Leo the Nardo!!!! Submit to your older brother!”

“OK OK!!!’ Mikey kicked at his brother “You win!!!! You can pick the movie tonight!!!!!”

Leo drew his hands back allowing Mickey to finally breath, in between his barely kept remaining giggles. With a dramatic twist he turned to Donatello who was leaning against the wall watching this whole spectacle with one eyebrow raised, “And now, “Leo said in his best intimidating voice (as threatening as a fourteen year old whose voice still cracked once in a while), ‘“Two down, one to go. The boss battle.”

“Uh, shouldn’t Raph be the boss battle? He is the oldest”

“Puh-lease. Watch this.” Leo took a step back to look into the main room of the lair where Raph was lifting weights on the half pipe , Leo raised a eyebrow at him and immediately the largest brother burst into laughing again, rolling off his weight bench and onto the floor with enough force to send a soft tremble through the lair, “See? You jus look at him weird and he burst out laughing. That is why you are my last challenge.” Leo said with a dramatic point, “if I can conquer you, then we have no choice but to watch a movie of my choosing tonight!”

“It’s Little Women again isn’t it?” Donnie pulled out his phone with disinterest, “You posted twenty five quotes from little Woman on Fumlbr in the last hour, and I saw you taking a nap with your copy of the book on your face.”

“YES ITS LITTLE WOMEN!!!!!” Leo brought up his fingers up again, “make it easy on yourself brother, submit now.” Donatello let out a soft if maniacal chuckle, before Leo could ask what was going on something on the back of his cross-body belt shot up towards the ceiling as he shrieked in surprise hanging from some unknown inventions thatDonatello must of attached to his belt when he was tickle tackling Mikey. Leo crowed his arms with a pout, “well played Donatello.”

“Yes I know. And i’’ll let you down if you listen to my conditions.” Donnie gave him a small nudge on the forehead, making him start spinning in a slow circle, “One we watch a series of movies everyone likes, and in return I will not only buy you a carton of any ice cream you want, even if the name of it alone makes me physically sick, and I will let you try out your new jokes on me for, “ Don looked at his phone, “Five minutes.”

Ok, even Leo thought that was a good deal. But the loss of watching his favorite non Lou Jitsu / Jupiter Jim movie was still a blow to his still spinning heart. It must have been obvious because he heard Don sigh, and move over to be in his line of vision with his head tilted to keep eye contact with him at a somewhat up right level, “AND I promise to watch Little Women with you at a later time. The only reason I don’t want our brothers watching it is because they’re sensitive. I showed Mikey a drawing of a frowny face once and he cried for three days.”

Its one of the rare times the memory of one of his brothers crying makes Leo chuckle. But he can acknowledge Donnie is making an effort. Donnie wasn’t always the most open turtle when it comes to others, but the fact he was trying to make him happy sorta made him happy. While still hanging from the ceiling (How long was this rope?) He reached his hand out, “deal first favorite Donnie!”

Donnie shook his hand back, “No problem second favorite Leo.” He brought up his gauntlet and tapped the screen. Leo could hear whirring on his back as he was set on his feet, frowning with a large wrinkled pout on his face, “I’m going to get you to admit I’m your first favorite Leo someday I swear it Donnie.”

“Uh huh.” Don gives him a smug look that’s obviously mean to make him pout more (which it succeeds in doing). “Now if you heathens excuse me, I have a package coming in and I want to get to it before the rabid rabbits next door eat it.”without looking up, Donnie gave a half attempted peace sign before heading out of the living room. Leo crossed his arms and looked over to Mikey “I am his favorite Leo he just doesn’t want to admit it.’

Mikey wiped his finally dry eyes as one last laugh escaped him before looking up at Leo from his upside down spot on the arm chair , “whose his supposed first favorite Leonardo? Da’Vinci? “

“No, cause hes not alive anymore apparently he likes Leonardo DiCaprio more then me!” He crosses his arms,

Mikey giggled before sitting up, ‘“Actually, you know what? Donnies got a point, Leonardo DiCaprio might be my favorite Leo too.”

Leo Let’s out a loud offended gasp, “FOR MY HONOR!!!!” This time Mikey had the common sense to roll over the back of the arm chair when Leo came at him. Laughing as Leo chased him around the living room, throwing random pillows and bean bags to block his path. Mikey had ducked to run out of the living room when Raph appeared in the door way probably investigating the noise, Mikey let out a squeak of surprise bringing his hands up to bounce off Raph’s chest and roll behind him, “Raphie I need help!”

“Wh-“ poor Raph looked more confused then usual, “what Leo-“

“I’ve gotta punish Mikey!” Leo explained, ducking around him. But Mikey kept to the opposite site of Raph with a loud laugh, “Not if you can’t catch me!!!!!” Raph raised his arms over his head, probably to keep one of them from accidentally scratching themselves on his spikes , “Whoa! No playing ring around the raphie you two-“ eh said before letting out a small cough

Leo reached up and caught a hold of Raph’s arms like a parallel bar before tucking his legs up enough that Mikey didn’t have Tim to notice where he was and dropped down on him, “GOTCHA!!!!!’ Mikey shrieked in terror before laughing again, bringing up his elbows to protect his sensitive sides. Of course this time Leo hadn’t been planning on showing any mercy unless Mikey promised to cook him a batch of his famous jello filled cupcakes with mozzarella frosting, and if he just happened to get hot sauce it’d be even better-

That was before he heard a slight wheeze behind him, he was about to tell raph he had forgotten to take out his retainer again when that wheeze became a full on cough. Leo looked to his brother to see Raph with both hands pressed over his mouth, smothering the loud coughs that were now escaping his sweating face, “Raph?!” He climbed off Mikey and ent over to Raph’s side, “Raph do you need water?” Before noticing that his face, though normally squishy, had began to swell up in a way that made his heart stop, “He’s having a allergic reaction!” He said to Mikey now at his side with an equally anxious look on his face, ‘“How did he get peanut butter?! We keep it locked up!”

“I-“Mikeys eyes began to swim with tears, “I-I have a peanut butter sandwich earlier but I cleaned up after myself I swear!”

Oh frick, he must of still had peanut residue on his hands after he ran into Raph. Leos’ heart was already racing a mile a minute, Raph hadn’t had a allergic reaction to this volume since he first discovered his allergy. They were so careful with peanut-butter, “dad?!” He called loudly, digging around his satchel and pulling out his first aid kit. Epi pen, did he have one? He never thought o put one in, where did they keep them? Did they have any? How long before Raph’s throat swelled up completely?! Another loud cough escaped Raph causing Leo’s eyes to fill with tears-

He was so wrapped up in digging through his med kit that he barely noticed the sound of a box being dropped at the entrance to the lair. Not until Donnie was running past him, holding a beanbag at had been close to the entrance and swinging it around, “Raph sit.” He ordered, his free hand pushing down hard on Raph’s shoulder giving him little choice, In a fluid motion, he pulled out a epi-pen from his battle shell, pulled off the blue cap and slammed the point on the outside of Raph’s thigh. The effect was almost instantaneous as Raph took a loud deep breath, his airway finally giving him much needed oxygen, cleansing his lung with a few loud coughs before he sighed in relief. Raph’s face was still slightly swollen as he massaged his throat.

Don pulled out the pen and began to massage the injection point for a few seconds. His free hand rubbing Raph’s shoulder, “Nod if your airway is opening up.” Raph did as he was told, tears streaming down his face, Don looked to Mikey, “Micheal go get Raph’s blanket from his room and go get Dad.”

“I-I” Mikey looked at their biggest brother with his own tear filled eyes, “I-I’m so sorry Raphie-“

“Micheal.” Don added a edge to his voice that demanded Mikeys attention, “It was a accident, if you want to make up for it then go do as I say.” The youngest nodded and hurried out of the room.

Leo blinked, for a moment he had forgotten he even existed. His hand was still stuck in his med kit as though still hoping to find a epi pen he knew he didn’t have. He watched Don pull out a second epi pen from his battle shell and coach a trembling crying Raph through breathing. When Mikey returned with Splinter, Splinter wrapped the blanket around Raph’s shoulders and helped him up. Donnie made the recommendation that they keep an eye on Raph and consider going to the hospital if the symptoms returned and that Mikey go scrub down in the shower to make sure he didn’t have anymore peanut butter on him. The only acknowledgement he got was Donnie calling to him over his shoulder to go to the kitchen and check that it was clean of any more nuts. After all that, he stood at the kitchen counter with a sponge in his hand and asked himself one thing

What the hell just happened?

#rottmnt #rottmnt fanfiction #support #undercoverwizardninjaturtle #hurt/comfort #brotherly love #leo #donnie #mikey #raph #warning #allergic reaction #blood #ll cool bear

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babbushka · 5 years ago

Note

My dear friend, hello and happy Sinday to you and your flip. Im really excited about this one. Holiday season is my favorite time of year. Can I please get my fave country boy, cheering up his girl who’s being a complete Ebenezer Scrooge about christmas? Just pure tooth rotting fluff. But only if the muse takes you there. I’ll be happy to ready anything you write. Love you boo!

You ain’t usually one to sulk. Usually you’re the one pullin’ everybody out of their shit moods, the one with smiles and good cheer. Usually you’re the one pushin’ everybody out of their beds, bright eyed to go face the holiday season with some tradition or other. So to see you curled up on the couch scrollin’ through your phone in the middle of the night, sighin’ next to a cracklin’ fire, is a strange image for Clyde to try and process.

But you’re his wife, and he’ll be damned if he’s gonna let his woman feel alone and upset on Christmas Eve. He makes his way over to where you are, your mis-matched socks peekin’ out from the quilt Clyde’s Mama had made him a lifetime ago, and he settles next to ya on the couch, pulls ya close.

“Alright, what’s goin’ on in your head darlin’?” He asks, kissin’ the side of your face, makin’ you chew at your cheek.

“I don’t know what you mean.” You mumble, already turnin’ towards him, moving into his embrace with happy sighs now that he’s back from an early shift at Duck Tape.

Clyde does his best to gather you up in his arms, holds ya real tight, hums out low in his chest the way that you like, the way you always call purrin’, like he’s some great big cat content to be near you. And he is, but he’s worried too, he ain’t used to seein’ you like this, all scowly.

“C’mon, we both know I got all the poutin’ and glarin’ covered for the both of us. And we both know you don’t like to go keepin’ your feelin’s all to yourself so why don’t ya just tell me all about it like I know ya want to.” Clyde tugs on the hem of your sleep-shirt, and you smile a little at how much you love him, before that smile falls and you shrug.

“I’m just…I don’t know Clyde, I’m not feeling very festive this time around. With everything going on in the world, all the pain and suffering and mind-numbing stupidity, it’s hard to care about something so commercial like Christmas.” You look down at your hands, fingers pickin’ at nonexistent dirt under your nails, and Clyde gets it.

He looks deep into the fireplace for a moment or two, the flickerin’ glowin’ embers no doubt havin’ brought you some peace while he was out pourin’ drinks for the folks that don’t got nowhere else to go for the holidays.

“You know, the true meanin’ of Christmas ain’t about parties or presents or nativity scenes or carolin’ or decoratin’ a damn good tree.” Clyde prompts. It ain’t quite a question, but his voice tips up like it is one. You give in to his game, raisin’ and eyebrow at him and fighting a small smile at his tactics.

“What is it then?” You ask, because you know he wants you to.

“It’s here.” Clyde replies softly, covering your heart with his hand. He can feel the steady beat of it underneath his flesh and blood palm, and he can feel the warmth of your own as you cover his hand with yours. “It’s love. Love for your friends and family and folks you don’t even know. Sure shit’s rough right now, but hell, when ain’t it? Year after year the world feels like it’s endin’, I used to get that way. But it ain’t over yet, and if nothin’ else, we’ve got these next few nights filled with light, ‘n love. And as long as we’ve got that, well then we’re winnin’ the fight against pain and sufferin’ and mind-numbin’ stupidity, wouldn’t ya say?”

You’re quiet for a few seconds, trying not to blink too much on account’a if you do you’re gonna get tears all over your face. You lean your head back on his shoulder and look up at the ceiling, willin’ the little droplets to absorb back into your eyes.

“That’s quite the speech Clyde Logan.” You say, your throat tight as some of the tears spill over anyway.

“Someone real smart told me all that once, good couple years ago. I never forgot it, not even through rough times of my own when I was overseas.” He wipes the away with his thumb, brushes them off your cheeks and tilts your head to face him.

“Oh yeah? Who’s that?” You whisper, lookin’ right at his lips in just about as obvious a way as he was being with you.

“I’m lookin’ at her.” He quirks up a smile, and leans in to press the most gentle of kisses to your lips, a kiss which you happily sigh into, already feelin’ better, better now that he’s home with you. “Now c’mon, whaddaya say the two of us get on goin’ up to bed? I hear Santy Claus don’t visit houses when folks are awake.”

“You expecting a big gift this year?” You tease, and Clyde pretends to not know about the new lawn mower he’d been hintin’ at for damn near six months that’s waitin’ out in the shed.

“I hope so, I’ve been good.” Clyde nods, and you huff out a little laugh then, smiling for him.

“Yeah, you have.” Your eyes are real soft when you say it, giving his hand a squeeze. “Thanks Clyde, I love you.”

“I love you too darlin’.” He stands up, takin’ you with him and leadin’ you through the trailer, where he stops suddenly to point at the doorway with a little, “Oh shit, would ya look at that? Mistletoe.”

And as the two of you lean in to smile and chuckle against each other’s lips, Clyde can feel the tension slippin’ and slidin’ away from your shoulders, and he feels like your words an age ago have never felt more real and present than right now.

#clyde logan #clyde logan x reader #clyde logan/reader #clyde logan x you #clyde logan/you #clyde logan imagine #clyde logan fluff #logan lucky #danceyreagan #cowboy answers

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if-the-crown-fits-translate-it · 4 years ago

Text

Discord pt 64

[Date: 08/03, 6.01 AM - 08/03, 6.32 AM GMT]

[Direct continuation from pt 63]

[CW: Manipulation, stalking]

C R O W N: “are you all happier without me?”

Maxwell: “yes”

C R O W N: “...”

fetch: “we might be, yeah.”

C R O W N: “...”

Marcus: “...guys”

fetch: “just get out of here, dammit”

C R O W N: “i see”

Maxwell: “leave”

Marcus: “Baron and prince and lizzy are still with him”

jayyyyyyyy: “yeah, but theyre not in the court”

Marcus: “They are jay”

jayyyyyyyy: “crowns lost so much power. rescuing the others will be childsplay”

Marcus: “They’re still there”

Little-K1ng: “this is a weird vibe, just 3 dudes in my living room. i hope you guys know i have like, a bed and then a couch and also a floor”

Maxwell: “i call the floor”

Marcus: “That just makes him stronger”

Marcus: “Less people to control”

Little-K1ng: “floor is now called for, fetch can have the bed, and marcus gets couch i guess!”

Maxwell: “i can sleep anywhere man i used to sleep on the floor for fun as a kid!”

Little-K1ng: “zero porch sleepers, PLEASE,”

C R O W N: “I'm sorry. I just wanted to give Ranboo a happy family.”

Maxwell: “no you didnt bitch”

fetch: “just get OUT”

Maxwell: “that aint how a family works”

fetch: “get these squirrels out of my fuckin yard”

C R O W N: “...fine”

Marcus: “Do you remember what I said when this family asked about my thoughts on Dream?”

C R O W N: “yes”

Maxwell: “....i forgot how much of a dogboy you were fetch, heh...nice to see ya again man”

Little-K1ng: “[calling out of my front door to the street] ay fuck off pal not tonight”

fetch: “Pff, you too ya little rat”

Marcus: “I would like to change my answer.”

Marcus: “You are no better than Dream. You are no different than the man who you described as a horrible person. You are no savior.”

C R O W N: “...”

Marcus: “You are a coward.”

Maxwell: “ey i may be little but i can bite your kneecaps”

C R O W N: “...

:(”

Little-K1ng: “okay so i cant believe how not surprised i am but.... at the moment maxwell... theres orange juice in the fridge and cookies in the pantry (they're oatmeal raisin for your Health), if "someone" (you) starts bleeding again just sit and chill”

Little-K1ng: “but definitely get at those snacks”

Maxwell: “thanks man, sorry for barging in”

Marcus: “...what the hell are we wearing?”

Little-K1ng: “nah its all good ill be in a better mood once these bad boys! [holds out 2 excedrin] actually kick in”

Marcus: “WHAT HAPPENED TO MY HAIR”

Maxwell: “THATS WHAT I WANNA KNOW”

fetch: “I dunno man but hey max, you look good in a skirt”

Little-K1ng: “i mean you do suit the skirt”

Maxwell: “IM IN A SKIRT AND WHILE I DONT MIND SKIRTS ITS BEEN A WHILE MAN”

Maxwell: “.........hUh”

Marcus: “How the hell did I run in demonias what the fuck”

Maxwell: “i mean ive got combat boots so thats good but seriously man how the fuck did you run in those”

Marcus: “My hair isn’t supposed to be short”

fetch: “Okay you rock the demonias but are your ankles okay”

Little-K1ng: “yall are so fashionable i am almost not going to offer better clothes”

fetch: “...

ow ow ow

gys

watchdogs”

Little-K1ng: “wh?”

fetch: “gdox”

Maxwell: “i know ive got a button up on but not having a cloak or sweater of somesort feels horrid”

Marcus: “Fetch?”

fetch: “ow

gdoc”

[Crown edited onto the google doc: "I'm sorry i'll be good just please come back i don't want to lose anyone else it hurts i already lost tommy and now you all left me please come back please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please"]

Maxwell: “AW SHIT HERE WE GO AGAIN”

Marcus: “Fuck”

fetch: “hes tampering”

dreaming: “fetch you okay?”

Little-K1ng: “woah dude hey hey sit its okay just sit”

Little-K1ng: “the doc...”

Maxwell: “uh oh”

fetch: “ow ow wh at the fu c k”

Maxwell: “the fuck happened to tommy what is he on about”

Little-K1ng: “WOAH okay so fetch just hit the floor”

Maxwell: “shit fetch you okay”

Marcus: “Fuck, do you have tissues? His nose is bleeding”

Little-K1ng: “AH AH HEY UH HELP ME uh hes bleeding flip him over”

Little-K1ng: “hes bleeding a lot dont let him drown”

Maxwell: “oh god okay”

Little-K1ng: “cmon recovery position dont you know that?? ok”

Marcus: “Yeah of course”

Maxwell: “dont lay him down yeah he'll choke on the blood if we do”

Little-K1ng: “okay hes good just. drooling blood onto the floor okay, thats, ew, but not the first time”

Little-K1ng: “oh yeah the doc huh? okay that alteration must have really hurt”

A random Spark: “It was a big one, a whole page”

Little-K1ng: “oh ouch”

Maxwell: “so should we try to leave it for now for fetch to fix when he wakes up to not hurt him more?”

Little-K1ng: “okay, note to self, buy more excedrin

this weeks trauma is sponsored by excedrin”

Maxwell: “what the shit happened to tommy?”

jayyyyyyyy: “tommy died??”

Maxwell: “HE WHAT”

jayyyyyyyy: “I DONT KNOW??”

Maxwell: “I WAS GONE FOR LIKE A DAY”

Little-K1ng: “yeah uh, he kinda, look ok yall can explain that and ill just. try to clean this up”

Mothbo: “Max, it's been much longer than a day.”

Maxwell: “what”

Little-K1ng: “a... a day ??”

Marcus: “...max”

Maxwell: “how...long has it been”

boo: “a month or so”

Maxwell: “god my head hurts this is too much to process”

Little-K1ng: “hahaa,, yeah no you've never met me, its been an awful lot longer than that, look, we've had a long night, the sprinklers are staying on overnight, just sit and we can get some sleep, yeah? ill stay with fetch and make sure he doesnt choke”

Little-K1ng: “ill get you the snacks and you can recover from the blood loss, sound good?”

Marcus: “I can um”

Maxwell: “thanks so much man...”

Marcus: “I can stay up and help these two, I basically took care of them back at the-

You know”

Maxwell: “okay...tomorrow....yall havge a lto og explaining to fo”

Marcus: “You don’t look well, Mona you should rest”

Maxwell: “im going to slepw nihgt fucekrs ha....its good to be back”

Little-K1ng: “i appreciate the concern, good night marcus. nice to meet you :)”

Marcus: “It’s uh, nice to meet you too

Goodnight”

Mothbo: “rest well, Max. Please stay safe okay? We missed ya”

Maxwell: “course....”

[jayyyyyyyy: “have a nice first night free marcus! :]”]

Marcus: “...thank you”

Chat: “...”

katichu (derogatory): “Chat?”

jayyyyyyyy: “hi, chat. you maybe wanna take off your crown, mate?”

Chat: “You know what? I really don't care anymore. I should've known who you all really were when you first showed your true colors by being so hateful to crown and the family. You're all nothing to me :) And guess what? I'm completely fine with that!!”

A random Spark: “We made our choice”

Chat: “Yep! And I've made mine, and I'm completely fine with knowing that I've done nothing but right by Crown, and that none of this is my fault and I'm not to blame for anything and I haven't done anything wrong and it's perfectly fine and I'm okay!!”

Chat: “I know you never cared about me anyway. You don't need to keep saying it. I have my family and I'm h a p p y n o w”

[jayyyyyyyy: “We do care about you. We're also all tired as fuck.”]

Chat: “Right.”

Chat: “I'll be leaving now. Thank you for nothing.”

#on:discord #by:chat #by:crown #by:marcus #by:maxwell #by:fetch #if the crown fits

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thadelightfulone · 5 years ago

Text

Apollo Night

So, my good friend @shaekingshitup placed this idea in my head. It is an already planned series of one- or two-shots of College Erik shenanigans. I hope you all enjoy. Those who want to be tagged just let me know. As always, my OCs are always black!

Summary: Melanie just wanted to get more involved on campus.

It is Melanie’s first year at Cal State, and she has been looking for a way to make new friends, get more involved on campus, and experience all college life has to offer. Some of the girls in her Sunday School class at church were students on campus and BSU board members. They advertised their annual Apollo Night on Sunday before class began since it was open to the community as well. She decided that this might be an excellent way to meet some of her goals as she finishes her freshman year in college.

The following Saturday morning, she goes to campus for auditions for the show. While waiting, she sees a few groups from various fraternities and sororities preparing song and dance numbers for their auditions. She moves off to a corner of the building and practices vocal exercises until they call her name. She follows her friend, Marie, from church, to where she will be auditioning. Along the way, they pass a group of rowdy guys leaving their audition, clearly excited because their act was chosen to perform.

She looks up, making eye contact with one of the guys as he passes her while waving to Marie. Shining dark brown eyes meet her timid hazel ones. He smiles down at her since her 5'2 frame is much shorter than his own 6 ft. Dimples and gold canines in full view, she internally swoons while meeting his smile. Melanie didn’t realize that she picked up her pace, and stops short right before running into Marie. He chuckles and continues behind his boys. She drops her head and follows her to the audition room.

The audition goes well, and Melanie is informed right there on the spot that she will be performing in the show. The board explains to her how the show will go – following closely to how A Night at the Apollo does their Amateur Night. They have someone who will be Sandman and remove folks who are booed for longer than 15 secs off the stage. They let her know that it is not like singing at church; no one will coddle her. And if Melanie wants to make sure she stays in the competition, then she should make sure she has some friends who can make serious noise in the audience – just in case. Melanie sighs but nods her head in understanding.

She is given the date and location of the show. The board lets her know about the optional walk-through rehearsal two hours before the show. Also, the latest time that she can check-in for the show because she will need a soundcheck if she doesn’t attend the rehearsal. Melanie thanks the board for their time, and quietly exits the building. Mentally running through a checklist of things she will need to do before the show in two weeks. She frowns when she remembers what the board said about having support, most of her friends were across the country at HBCUs or the Ivy League schools of their choice. Not paying attention to what she was doing, Melanie pushes on the door leading out of the building hard enough to hit some people standing on the other side.

“Aye, watch it!” One guy jumps out of the way as the door swings wide.

“Damn, girl!” Another voice calls out, and when Melanie looks over, he is rubbing his upper arm after taking most of the impact.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry.” She looks down away from the group of guys who all turned to face her. “I wasn’t paying attention. My bad.” Melanie looks up and realizes it is the group she saw on her way into the audition. The guy she hit was the one who smiled at her earlier, now frowning in her direction.

“I take it the audition didn’t go well.” Melanie barely hears his words over, watching his muscular arms flex and stretch in response to her attack with the door. She shakes her head, “No?” He stops moving and looks directly at her.

“Oh no, I mean, it was fine. I got through.” A small smile appears on her face. “It’s just a lot to think about, I have never performed in front of a group I don’t know before.” All the guys nod their heads in understanding. “Well, I guess I will see you guys at the show. I should go.” Melanie looks back up at him. “Again, I’m sorry about that.”

He waves her off, “You’re good. We all celebrate differently. Just be careful next time.”

“Will do,” she waves at the guys, “Bye.” They all watch her leave before breaking out into laughter.

“Oh no, nope.” Luke, who was the other guy who almost got hit, says, “Too easy.” He stands in front of Erik, who Melanie hit with the door, and looks at him, “Not her.”

Darrin, another member of their group, speaks up, “Why not? She would be perfect.”

“I agree, I don’t see why we can’t make her it,” Erik spoke.

“You saw her first. You are never supposed to encounter the mark. We choose them the night of the show.” Marcus, the last member of the group, lowers his voice as he walks closer to them, so no one will hear what they are discussing.

“Ok, so we do it differently this year. My vote is for her.” Erik responds. The guys all look at him.

“Are you sure about this?” Luke asks warily.

Darrin slaps Luke on the back, “You heard the man. She’s the one.” He shrugs when Luke moves out of his grasp and closer to Marcus. “Besides, it’s his choice this year anyway. Who cares when it was decided?”

“Fine. Don’t make us regret this.” Luke says before walking away.

— Two Weeks Later —

Melanie walks into the Student Union Pavilions, where the show was going to be. She sees Marie and some of the other board members finishing up the final touches to the stage. She decided to skip the rehearsal and just come in for a soundcheck. Marie takes her music to the sound guy who plays it while Melanie hums along, he makes sure to mark the levels on both the music and mic so she can be heard clearly on the mic.

Once that is done, she heads to the bathroom to change into her outfit for the night. Melanie chose a navy blue shift dress that has a deep shawl collar with some black velvet booties. The dress wasn’t too form-fitting, but anyone could see the curves she was rocking. Her natural curls were already pinned up in a chignon bun with loose tendrils framing her face. She wasn’t one for much make up but decided to put on some black mascara with a matte raisin lipstick. She pouted her lips, took a couple selfies in the mirror for her snap before calling herself ready.

Walking into the waiting room, she sees all the acts gathering around while waiting for the lineup announcement. She goes to a corner and decides to run a few vocal exercises to warm up since she didn’t sing full out at her soundcheck. She starts at her normal chest voice, “Ma Me Mi Mo Mu – oooh,” going up half a step, she gets through 3 repetitions before she hears a throat clearing behind her.

Looking up from her seat, she sees the guy she hit with the door the day of her audition. “Ahhh, so she sings.” She smiles at him as he sits next to her. Holding out his hand, "I’m Erik.”

She takes his hand, “Melanie.”

“Nice to meet you, Melanie.” He lets go of her hand, “I haven’t seen you around campus before. You go here?”

“Yeah. It’s my first year here.” Erik nods at her. “Trying to get more involved on campus.”

“That’s kool. You a member of the BSU?” He takes a sip of some water.

"Not yet, but I know a few of the board members from my church.” He nearly chokes on his water.

“You go to church with Marie and her friends?” She nods at him. Coughing a bit more to clear his airways, “That’s what’s up. I bet she wants you to pledge S G Rho, too?”

“Actually, the girls from Zeta are already trying to recruit me.” She looks down at his outfit, noticing he is in a blue jersey with white writing on it. The Greek letters of Phi Beta Sigma big and bold, going down the right side. Erik smiles at her, nodding his head.

“Well, I’ll let you get back to practicing. Break a leg tonight, Melanie.” Erik stands to leave.

“Thanks. You, too Erik.” She returns to finishing her vocal warmups, as Erik makes a hasty retreat from Melanie over to his group members, and frat brothers.

“Yo, we gotta pick someone else.“ Marcus, Luke, and Darrin look at him, shaking their heads.

"No, can do. Word is out about the chosen act of the night. It’s a done deal.” Marcus looks at Erik.

“What happened to change your mind?” Luke asks.

“Doesn’t matter, she doesn’t deserve it. So, pick someone else.” He hisses out, keeping his voice low.

“No one does, Erik. That’s what makes it so great.” Darrin laughs while looking around. “Do we know when she goes on?”

“Second half. Speedy just read off her name.” Marcus answers, “Gives us enough time to spread the word during the intermission.”

“Fuck all that and listen to me! Pick. Someone. Else.” Erik keeps looking over at Melanie, who moved outside the door to sing a little louder without bothering anyone.

“Nah, we got our one. We’re good.” Luke walks outside, “Let’s get that last part together before we go onstage.” Passing Melanie, who is coming back inside, “Aye, break a leg tonight, young lady.”

She smiles at all of them, “Thanks fellas, you too.” She continues out to the Pavilion, deciding to watch the first part of the show since she didn’t perform until the second half.

—

The host of the evening was a local SoCal comedian by the name of Speedy. He welcomed everyone to the BSU’s Annual Apollo Night, explaining how the show would go. Speedy completed a short comedic set and introduced Ace Money, the special guest performer for the evening. Ace Money opened the show and brought out the first performer of the competition.

About 5 acts into the show, Speedy came out asking the audience about their love of the Divine Nine. The crowd went wild as they knew this means the next few acts represented the black fraternity and sorority chapters on campus. First up was a guy from the school’s shared chapter of Alpha Phi Alpha, reciting some poetry earning plenty of snaps and praise for his prose. Followed by a quartet of girls from the campus chapter of Delta Sigma Theta singing Giving Something He Can Feel as En Vogue in their long red gowns.

Before Speedy even returned to the stage, the crowd was loud already knowing who was next up to perform. “Well, I guess these brothers really don’t need this introduction, but ya’ll gonna get it anyway.” He walked across the stage to the side where Darrin and Luke were standing, “Keep making some noise for the Men of Fire and Brimstone, PHI BETA SIGMA!!!”

The music starts, and the audience goes nuts as Erik, Darrin, Marcus, and Luke all stroll out from both sides of the stage to 112’s Dance with Me. They stood in a straight line across the stage before breaking out into their choreography for the song. As the song progressed, they made their way off the stage and down into the audience.

Erik was on Melanie’s side, and he spotted her immediately on the aisle not far from the stage. So when he made his way down, he went directly to her and started dancing in front of her. Much to the delight of her classmates who she sat with during the show. He takes her hands and lifts her from the seat right as the call and response part of the song came on –

If you sexy and you know it clap your hands (claps)

Erik dances behind Melanie, holding her by her hips, waiting for her to clap along. When she doesn’t, he takes her hands and claps them for her in tune with the song.

If you sexy and you know it clap your hands (claps) If you sexy and you know it and you really wanna show it, If you sexy and you know it clap your hands (claps)

Yeah!

Before Erik heads back up to the stage, he pulls Melanie in and whispers in her ear, “Thank you.“ He makes his way back to finish the performance on stage, and Melanie drops back into her seat, as her friends laugh and snicker around her. The song ends, and the guys bow before leaving the stage.

Speedy comes out and starts fanning girls he sees in the front row, "Yeah, I think now is a good time to call for an intermission. Some of you need to cool off. See ya in 20 minutes.”

Melanie had a big old grin on her face as she faced the people around her. “Who was that?” Alicia, a girl in her math class, asked.

“Just a guy I met before the show began. It’s nothing.“ The other two girls look at her and laugh, "Whatever, I’m gonna get some water and head backstage. I’ll see you all after the show.” They all gave her hugs and well wishes before watching her disappear behind the stage.

—

Speedy came back out on stage after the intermission and told a few jokes before starting the second half of the show.

“Alright, ya’ll ready for your next act?” He holds his mic out to the crowd.

“YEAH,” variations of it overlapped as he got everyone hyped for the next performance.

“I said, are you ready for your next act?”

“YEAH!” the crowd returns much louder than before.

“Please welcome to the stage, Miss Melanie Alonzo.” Melanie walks out, smiling to Speedy and then the crowd. He brushes past her and wishes her luck.

She takes a moment to breathe and looks to the back, cueing the sound guy. Melanie has an accompanying track for her song, but she starts off acapella. Following her favorite version of the song, she starts singing –

Birds flyin’ high, you know how I feel Sun in the sky, you know how I feel Breeze driftin’ on by, you know how I feel

Some cheers come from the audience as they recognize the song she is doing. She exhales as she continues feeling herself relax more as she adjusts to her sound on the stage.

It’s a new dawn It’s a new day It’s a new life for me Ooooooooh And I’m feelin’ good

She looks over the audience as she continues to sing and get more comfortable at the mic. The friends who were able to make the show smiling at her as the music starts.

Fish in the sea, you know how I feel River runnin’ free, you know how I feel Blossom on the tree, you know how I feel

As she pulls the mic from the stand to move around the stage, she starts hearing ‘boos’ coming from opposite corners of the room. She looks out at the audience and recognizes one of the guys booing her as one of Erik’s groupmates. She slows her pace on the stage as she continues singing while the ‘boos’ get increasingly louder.

It’s a new dawn It’s a new day It’s a new life for me And I’m feelin’ good

Eyes roaming the audience, she can see make out that each one of Erik’s group members is spaced out and booing at her from their spots in the crowd. She was the Boo Boo Act for the night.

Dragonfly out in the sun, you know what I mean Don’t you know Butterflies all havin’ fun, you know what I mean

She can see her friends trying to cheer louder for her along with others in the audience who are enjoying her performance. Even their Sandman is holding back from running her off the stage.

Sleep in peace when day is done, that’s what I mean And this old world is a new world and a bold world for me She continues singing, hoping that the mixed reaction is enough to keep her in the competition when she spots someone dead center in the audience, Erik. He isn’t booing or cheering, just looking directly at her with a confused expression. Melanie is ready to bolt from the stage in embarrassment, but she won’t let him and his childish group of friends win. She puts the mic back on the stand, stares straight into the spotlight, and continues singing.

Stars when you shine, you know how I feel Scent of the pine, you know how I feel Oh, freedom is mine, and I know how I feel It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life for me

Melanie’s voice increases in strength, and she belts out the last part, along with her own variation of Nina Simone’s scat before ending the song.

And I’m feelin’ – good

She holds that last note loud, long, and proud as the music ends, and she immediately exits the stage. Melanie had no idea that she earned a standing ovation or saw that Erik was cheering the loudest as she finished the song.

Speedy returns to the stage and looks back at Melanie, who went back to the waiting room. “I don’t know what that girl did to ya, but she handled that very well.” He shakes his head, looking down at his list of upcoming acts. “That couldn’t have been me, no sir.” There are a few scattered laughs and claps as the audience agrees with him.

—

Speedy calls out all the acts that made it through to the end. There was another act that the audience successfully managed to boo off the stage. He was still in the backstage waiting room. Melanie didn’t even want to be bothered with it anymore. She stayed in the back and listened from the open door. When a girl who sang Ex-Factor by Lauryn Hill, was announced as the winner, Melanie moved away from the door.

Everyone came back in and was congratulating one another for a job well done and an incredible show. Erik and his group were the loudest, cheering on their friend who won the competition. Melanie stayed out of the way towards the back. Gathering her things together when someone tapped her on the shoulder. She turns around to find the guest artist, Money Ace, a new rapper gaining traction around the SoCal rap scene, standing there.

“Hey, I just wanted to let you know I thought you did a great job out there.” She looks him up and down, not saying anything. “I get it. Sometimes, it’s just not your night, and your voice just doesn’t match the song.“

Melanie rolls her eyes at him, “Yeah, thanks. I appreciate it.” She grabs her bag and moves to leave. He grabs her arm, stopping her in front of him.

“Wait, I am always looking for people to sing hooks on my songs.” He pulls out a business card, “Maybe we can find something for you to sing for me.” Ace takes Melanie’s hand and slides the card into it. “Just think about it.” She nods, and he walks away right as Erik makes his way over to her. Melanie puts on her jacket, double checks that she has all her stuff before heading for the back door leading out of the TSU.

Erik had been watching her since he got back to the waiting room, he noticed she never came out on the stage with everyone else. When he finally got a moment away from everyone, he saw that she was talking to Money Ace. He tried patiently to wait for them to finish before approaching her. When he shook her hand, Erik moved towards her, but Ace caught him and wanted to chat.

Melanie was walking over to her friends when she heard her name being called from behind her. She turned and saw Erik standing there. She turned back around and continued walking.

“MELANIE! Melanie, wait up!”

She stopped in front of her friends and turned around to face him. "What do you want, Erik? There’s no crowd here to embarrass me in front of, so I don’t know what’s in it for you.”

He scoffed at her, “It wasn’t even like that. I promise you.” She sucks her teeth at him. He looks at the card in her hand. “What did he want?”

“Oh, Ace?” She twirls the card between her fingers. “He likes my sound and wanted to see if I was interested in singing hooks on some of his tracks.” She knew she had no intention of doing anything with it, but it serves Erik right for acting bothered by it after what he just did.

Erik frowns at her, then reaches out and grabs the card, “Nah, you don’t need friends like that.” He tosses it in the nearest trashcan.

“But I need friends like you?”

“He only wants to fuck, Mel. You don’t mind if I call you that, do you?” She shrugs at him. "And as I said, it wasn’t even like that.”

“Then what was it like? Because I was just starting and then I get booed. I look out in the audience and notice your friends are the ones egging people on.” Erik lowers his head. “Oh, and let’s not forget the not-so-secretly hushed rumor that one act was chosen to be the Boo Boo Act. I guess it was just a good thing that I had enough people on my side to make sure I wasn’t booed off like-” she takes a minute to remember the name, “like Vanessa was last year.” Erik is wringing his hands in front of him. “I take it that was you and your frat buddies at work again, right?” Erik looks at Melanie, who has begun tearing up in front of him. “What did I ever do to you and your friends? Did you really think I deserved that?”

“I told them to call it off.” He responds lowly.

“Clearly, they didn’t hear you, or they didn’t care.” Melanie inhales deeply, “Doesn’t matter, I don’t need that kind of friend either.” She wipes her eyes of the tears that started to fall. “Please just leave me alone.” Turning around to her friends who witnessed their whole interaction, they leave Erik standing by himself in the fresh night air.

“I tried to warn you, E.” A clap on the back brings him face-to-face with his frat brothers. Luke has a smirk on his face. “You think she’ll participate in Apollo Night next year? She did pass with flying colors.”

“Why did you do it? I told you I wanted it stopped.” Erik looks at all three, Luke, Marcus, and Darrin.

“Now, E, you know we couldn’t do that. It goes against the rules.” Darrin replies.

“Once the act is picked, it is final.” Marcus recites in a precise manner.

“Besides, you stupidly chose her two weeks ago. And we knew it was a bad idea, but you never backed down until tonight when it was too late to pick another.” Luke chimed in.

“This is why we wait until the night of the show. When we have the chance to meet the performers and speak with them during the rehearsal or soundcheck.” Marcus throws his hands up. “You were warned.” Erik walks away from them.

“So, how bad did you fuck this one up, Erik?” Darrin catches up to walk beside him as they head back inside the TSU.

“She told me to leave her alone.” Erik stops short of the entrance.

“Serves you right, nigga. Picking on lonely girls like that.” Luke utters as he passes Erik, who trips him at the door. They all watch Luke try to catch his balance before he hits the ground, “Damn, man. It’s not my fault that you fucked up.”

“That’s not gonna stop him,” Marcus says as he helps Luke up. They all look over at Erik and can just see the wheels turning in his head. He grins at them while scratching his beard. “Ahhh, here it goes.”

#erik killmonger #erik killmonger x oc #college erik #black panther fanfiction #college shenanigans #thadelightfulone

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cupofteaguk · 4 years ago

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Hi hey helloooo~ I’ve recovered and am now here to SCREAM at you about Battle of the Brains. First of all, I love HP so the whole reputation series has been a RIDE. Park Jimin as a whole ass nerd is sending me!!! Hahaha I love this characterization of him- confident, cerebral, hard working, and so so sexy!! And I really love mc, she matches Jimin perfectly with her wit and intelligence. I love that she isn’t afraid to put him in his place throughout the whole fic! The whole confrontation

(i decided to put the rest of ur wonderful wonderful truly incredible review underneath the cut bECAUSE IT IS SO LONG AND I AM SO ABSOLUTELY IN LOVE ? WITH YOU ? AND I DON’T DESERVE THIS?)

between the two at the very beginning really set the tone for the tension between them. “’I’ll see you around, Park Jimin.’ His gaze trails down your backside as you leave.” I’m SCREAMING, the sexual tension is so thick, so delicious. I really enjoyed the way you spent all this time building up their frustrations. Their dynamics remind me of James Potter and Lily Evans a bit?? The rivalry, the competition, the TENSION. I loved the Hogwarts references, especially with McGonagall haha “I just happened to open the door because it’s the time both of you should be here for your meetings anyways. Regardless of who is offering to bend over for whom.” HAHAHAHA I’M ROLLINGGGG!!! I’m 10000% here for sassy McGonagall!!! The library scene where Jimin can’t help but look between her parted thighs?! Phewww that boy is confusing the physiologic feelings of anger and arousal if you ask me and the twitching in his pants. I love how she doesn’t take jimin’s crap and dishes it right back to him while they’re bantering in the library. Ok, now the smut. Are YOU KIDDING ME. The first time they fuck in the head boy study?? The way he actually cares about foreplay to make sure it’s good for her too? Yeah, ok he TOTALLY hates her 😉 and the way he pockets her panties had me raisin my eyebrows okkkk I see you Park Jimin… I see. “Gonna prove to me that you’re a one dump pump or something, Park?” HAHAHAH I love that they keep up their banter, even while fucking. Multiple sex scenes?? There was sex on a table, tie sex, prefect bathroom sex. My soul has ascended, catch me in the 9th dimension after this. “Meeting in Yoongi’s office” HAHAH I love that that’s their code for: wanna fuck? Damn I hope Yoongi never finds out about how much they got it onnnn in his private study room haha and as pussy quivering as the sex is, my fave part is actually the scene where OT7 throws a pre-holidays party in the room of requirements and Jimin attempts to convince her to come and he proceeds to get drunk and refuses to leave until he sees his girlfriend. “At once, his eyes turn into half moons with how brightly he is smiling at you… his eyes and his cheeks rounding out… ‘Baby, you showed up!’ He cries, managing to untangle himself from Taehyung and latch immediately onto you… ‘I thought you weren’t coming!’” Omgggg my HEART!! The way it… straight up melted?? I love love love the way you incorporated the way Jimin hugs people, just throwing himself into it!! The scene where Jaehyun helps her get Jimin back to their common room and he confesses uwu my poor heart. The dialogue in this scene is pure gold. “Wait, you’re not my girlfriend? But… I really like you, so I thought that something was going on.” And when they have intimate sex in the prefect bathroom? And when jimin is sucking on her nipple and making eye contact?? I AM THE BIGGEST HOE FOR NIPPLE PLAY JUST FLING ME INTO THE SUN IT’D BE COOLER THERE. I love how she rides him, how they take their time with each other, how softly they kiss for the first time, how he back hugs her in the tub. “Sweetheart, I’ve been chasing you around for a month and a half- emotionally and physically. Do you really think I’d be able to keep my feelings a secret in front of other people?” and “Plus when I kick your ass in our classes, I think that it's more satisfying to hear that I beat my girlfriend instead of that transfer student from Ilvermorny.” HAHAHAH I love this couple!! They are the perfect balance of sweet and spicy- the nerd power couple of Hogwarts!! Battle of the Brains is the perfect dish to serve up for romantics and hoes alike. You really killed it with the sweet ending while they were DTR'ing and cuddling in the tub... and then interrupted by Yoongi. Poor Yoongi who's gonna have to scrub down his whole private study now that their secret is out! Well done boo!! I know I’ll return to re-read this again 😊 Sending you all my love!! Ps can’t believe “girth” didn’t show up even once in 3 sex scenes HAHAHA

HOLY FUCKING COW WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO DESERVE SUCH A THOROUGH COLLECTION OF ASKS THAT SPELL OUT SUCH A WONDERFUL SWEET THING YOU’VE SENT TO ME WTFFFFFFFF. WOW OKAY. thank you so much for this !!!!! i am really really so happy that you enjoyed the read and honestly let me kiss u because you inCORPORATED QUOTES FROM THE FIC IN THESE ANSWERS ?? i swear to god i have read this at least 5 times and it makes me grin every single time i finish reading through. i seriously need a special tag for this specific ask so i can continue to scream over you screaming. i’m so happy you enjoyed the smut!!! and am even happier you liked the ot7 pre-holiday party! that part was originally meant to be really short, so i’m glad me extending that scene was worth it! thank you again sososo much for taking the time to write this and send this to me omfg i can perish happily now.

#replied #lcksndkys #f: battle of brains

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blindrapture · 5 years ago

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Under the Read More, I will put a single-sentence question, followed by its answer. This is from Finnegans Wake. For the record, the question is asking “who was the person who matched this description.”

What secondtonone myther rector and maximost bridgesmaker was the first to rise taller through his beanstale than the bluegum buaboababbaun or the giganteous Wellingtonia Sequoia; went nudiboots with trouters into a liffeyette when she was barely in her tricklies; was well known to claud a conciliation cap onto the esker of his hooth; sports a chainganger’s albert solemenly over his hullender’s epulence; thought he weighed a new ton when there felled his first lapapple; gave the heinousness of choice to everyknight betwixt yesterdicks and twomaries; had sevenal successivecoloured serebanmaids on the same big white drawringroam horthrug; is a Willbeforce to this hour at house as he was in heather; pumped the catholick wartrey and shocked the prodestung boyne; killed his own hungery self in anger as a young man; found fodder for five when allmarken rose goflooded; with Hirish tutores Cornish made easy; voucher of rotables, toll of the road; bred manyheaded stepsons for one leapyourown taughter; is too funny for a fish and has too much outside for an insect; like a heptagon crystal emprisoms trues and fauss for us; is infinite swell in unfitting induments; once was he shovelled and once was he arsoned and once was he inundered and she hung him out billbailey; has a quadrant in his tile to tell Toler cad a’clog it is; offers chances to Long on but stands up to Legge before; found coal at the end of his harrow and mossroses behind the seams; made a fort out of his postern and wrote F.E.R.T. on his buckler; is escapemaster-in-chief from all sorts of houdingplaces; if he outharrods against barkers, to the shoolbred he acts whiteley; was evacuated at the mere appearance of three germhuns and twice besieged by a sweep; from zoomorphology to omnianimalism he is brooched by the spin of a coin; towers, an eddistoon amid the lampless, casting swannbeams on the deep; threatens thunder upon malefactors and sends whispers up fraufrau’s froufrous; when Dook Hookbackcrook upsits his ass booseworthies jeer and junket but they boos him oos and baas his aas when he lukes like Hunkett Plunkett; by sosannsos and search a party on a lady of this city; business, reading newspaper, smoking cigar, arranging tumblers on table, eating meals, pleasure, etcetera, etcetera, pleasure, eating meals, arranging tum-blers on table, smoking cigar, reading newspaper, business; minerals, wash and brush up, local views, juju toffee, comic and birthdays cards; those were the days and he was their hero; pink sunset shower, red clay cloud, sorrow of Sahara, oxhide on Iren; arraigned and attainted, listed and lited, pleaded and proved; catches his check at banck of Indgangd and endurses his doom at chapel exit; brain of the franks, hand of the christian, tongue of the north; commands to dinner and calls the bluff; has a block at Morgen’s and a hatache all the afternunch; plays gehamerat when he’s ernst but misses mausey when he’s lustyg; walked as far as the Head where he sat in state as the Rump; shows Early English tracemarks and a marigold window with manigilt lights, a myrioscope, two remarkable piscines and three wellworthseeing ambries; arches all portcullised and his nave dates from dots; is a horologe unstoppable and the Benn of all bells; fuit, isst and herit and though he’s mildewstaned he’s mouldystoned; is a quercuss in the forest but plane member for Megalopolis; mountunmighty, faunonfleetfoot; plank in our platform, blank in our scouturn; hidal, in carucates he is enumerated, hold as an earl, he counts; shipshaped phrase of buglooking words with a form like the easing moments of a graminivorous; to our dooms brought he law, our manoirs he made his vill of; was an overgrind to the underground and acqueduced for fierythroats; sends boys in socks acoughawhooping when he lets farth his carbonoxside and silk stockings show her shapings when he looses hose on hers; stocks dry puder for the Ill people and pinkun’s pellets for all the Pale; gave his mundyfoot to Miserius, her pinch to Anna Livia, that superfine pigtail to Cerisia Cerosia and quid rides to Titius, Caius and Sempronius; made the man who had no notion of shopkeepers feel he’d rather play the duke than play the gentleman; shot two queans and shook three caskles when he won his game of dwarfs; fumes inwards like a strombolist till he smokes at both ends; manmote, befier of him, womankind, pietad!; shows one white drift of snow among the gorsegrowth of his crown and a chaperon of repentance on that which shed gore; pause and quies, triple bill; went by metro for the polis and then hoved by; to the finders, hail! woa, you that seek!; whom fillth had plenished, dearth devoured; hock is leading, cocoa comes next, emery tries for the flag; can dance the O’Bruin’s polerpasse at Noolahn to his own orchistruss accompaniment; took place before the internatural convention of catholic midwives and found stead before the congress for the study of endonational calamities; makes a delictuous entrée and finishes off the course between sweets and savouries; flouts for forecasts, flairs for finds and the fun of the fray on the fairground; cleared out three hundred sixty five idles to set up one all khalassal for henwives hoping to have males; the flawhoolagh, the grasping one, the kindler of paschal fire; forbids us our trespassers as we forgate him; the phoenix be his pyre, the cineres his sire!; piles big pelium on little ossas like the pilluls of hirculeads; has an eatupus complex and a drinkthedregs kink; wurstmeats for chumps and cowcarlows for scullions; when he plies for our favour is very trolly ours; two psychic espousals and three desertions; may be matter of fact now but was futter of magd then; Cattermole Hill, exmountain of flesh was reared up by stress and sank under strain; tank it up, dank it up, tells the tailor to his tout; entoutcas for a man, but bit a thimble for a maid; blimp, blump; a dud letter, a sing a song a sylble; a byword, a sentence with surcease; while stands his canyouseehim frails shall fall; was hatched at Cellbridge but ejoculated abrood; as it gan in the biguinnengs so wound up in a battle of Boss; Roderick, Roderick, Roderick, O, you’ve gone the way of the Danes; variously catalogued, regularly regrouped; a bushboys holoday, a quacker’s mating, a wenches’ sandbath; the same homoheatherous checkinlossegg as when sollyeye airly blew ye; real detonation but false report; spa mad but inn sane; half emillian via bogus census but a no street hausmann when allphannd; is the handiest of all andies and a most alleghant spot to dump your hump; hands his secession to the new patricius but plumps plebmatically for the bloody old centuries; eats with doors open and ruts with gates closed; some dub him Rotshield and more limn him Rockyfellow; shows he’s fly to both demisfairs but thries to cover up his tracers; seven dovecotes cooclaim to have been pigeonheim to this homer, Smerrnion, Rhoebok, Kolonsreagh, Seapoint, Quayhowth, Ashtown, Ratheny; independent of the lordship of chamberlain, acknowledging the rule of Rome; we saw thy farm at Useful Prine, Domhnall, Domhnall; reeks like Illbelpaese and looks like Iceland’s ear; lodged at quot places, lived through tot reigns; takes a szumbath for his weekend and a wassarnap for his refreskment; after a good bout at stoolball enjoys Giroflee Giroflaa; what Nevermore missed and Colombo found; believes in everyman his own goaldkeeper and in Africa for the fullblacks; the arc of his drive was forty full and his stumps were pulled at eighty; boasts him to the thick-in-thews the oldest creater in Aryania and looks down on the Suiss family Collesons whom he calls les nouvelles roches; though his heart, soul and spirit turn to pharaoph times, his love, faith and hope stick to futuerism; light leglifters cense him souriantes from afore while boor browbenders curse him grommelants to his hindmost; between youlasses and yeladst glimse of Even; the Lug his peak has, the Luk his pile; drinks tharr and wodhar for his asama and eats the unparishable sow to styve off reglar rack; the beggars cloak them reclined about his paddystool, the whores winken him as they walk their side; on Christienmas at Advent Lodge, New Yealand, after a lenty illness the roeverand Mr Easterling of pentecostitis, no followers by bequest, fanfare all private; Gone Where Glory Waits Him (Ball, bulletist) but Not Here Yet (Maxwell, clark); comminxed under articles but phoenished a borgiess; from the vat on the bier through the burre in the dark to the buttle of the bawn; is A1 an the highest but Roh re his root; filled fanned of hackleberries whenas all was tuck and toss up for him as a yangster to fall fou of hockinbechers wherein he had gauged the use of raisin; ads aliments, das doles, raps rustics, tams turmoil; sas seed enough for a semination but sues skivvies on the sly; learned to speak from hand to mouth till he could talk earish with his eyes shut; hacked his way through hickheckhocks but hanged hishelp from there hereafters; rialtos, annesleyg, binn and balls to say nothing atolk of New Comyn; the gleam of the glow of the shine of the sun through the dearth of the dirth on the blush of the brick of the viled ville of Barnehulme has dust turned to brown; these dyed to tartan him, rueroot, dulse, bracken, teasel, fuller’s ash, sundew and cress; long gunn but not for cotton; stood his sharp assault of famine but grew girther, girther and girther; he has twenty four or so cousins germinating in the United States of America and a namesake with an initial difference in the once kingdom of Poland; his first’s a young rose and his second’s French-Egyptian and his whole means a slump at Christie’s; forth of his pierced part came the woman of his dreams, blood thicker then water last trade overseas; buyshop of Glintylook, eorl of Hoed; you and I are in him surrented by brwn bldns; Elin’s flee polt pelhaps but Hwang Chang evelytime; he one was your of highbigpipey boys but fancy him as smoking fags his at time of life; Mount of Mish, Mell of Moy; had two cardinal ventures and three capitol sinks; has a peep in his pocketbook and a packetboat in his keep; B.V.H., B.L.G., P.P.M., T.D.S., V.B.D., T.C.H., L.O.N.; is Breakfates, Lunger, Diener and Souper; as the streets were paved with cold he felt his topperairy; taught himself skating and learned how to fall; distinctly dirty but rather a dear; hoveth chieftains evrywehr, with morder; Ostman Effendi, Serge Paddishaw; baases two mmany, outpriams al’ his parisites; first of the fenians, roi des fainéants; his Tiara of scones was held unfillable till one Liam Fail felled him in Westmunster; was struck out of his sittem when he rowed saulely to demask us and to our appauling predicament brought as plagues from Buddapest; put a matchhead on an aspenstalk and set the living a fire; speared the rod and spoiled the lightning; married with cakes and repunked with pleasure; till he was buried howhappy was he and he made the welkins ring with Up Micawber!; god at the top of the staircase, carrion on the mat of straw; the false hood of a spindler web chokes the cavemouth of his unsightliness but the nestlings that liven his leafscreen sing him a lover of arbuties; we strike hands over his bloodied warsheet but we are pledged entirely to his green mantle; our friend vikelegal, our swaran foi; under the four stones by his streams who vanished the wassailbowl at the joy of shells; Mora and Lora had a hill of a high time looking down on his confusion till firm look in readiness, forward spear and the windfoot of curach strewed the lakemist of Lego over the last of his fields; we darkened for you, faulterer, in the year of mourning but we’ll fidhil to the dimtwinklers when the streamy morvenlight calls up the sunbeam; his striped pantaloons, his rather strange walk; hereditatis columna erecta, hagion chiton eraphon; nods a nap for the nonce but crows cheerio when they get ecunemical; is a simultaneous equator of elimbinated integras when three upon one is by inspection improper; has the most conical hodpiece of confusianist heronim and that chuchuffuous chinchin of his is like a footsey kungoloo around Taishantyland; he’s as globeful as a gasometer of lithium and luridity and he was thrice ten anular years before he wallowed round Raggiant Circos; the cabalstone at the coping of his cavin is a canine constant but only an amirican could apparoxemete the apeupresiosity of his atlast’s alongement; sticklered rights and lefts at Baddersdown in his hunt for the boar trwth but made his end with the modareds that came at him in Camlenstrete; a hunnibal in exhaustive conflict, an otho to return; burning body to aiger air on melting mountain in wooing wave; we go into him sleepy children, we come out of him strucklers for life; he divested to save from the Mrs Drownings their rival queens while Grimshaw, Bragshaw and Renshaw made off with his storen clothes; taxed and rated, licensed and ranted; his threefaced stonehead was found on a whitehorse hill and the print of his costellous feet is seen in the goat’s grasscircle; pull the blind, toll the deaf and call dumb, lame and halty; Miraculone, Monstrucceleen; led the upplaws at the Creation and hissed a snake charmer off her stays; hounded become haunter, hunter become fox; harrier, marrier, terrier, tav; Olaph the Oxman, Thorker the Tourable; you feel he is Vespasian yet you think of him as Aurelius; whugamore, tradertory, socianist, commoniser; made a summer assault on our shores and begiddy got his sands full; first he shot down Raglan Road and then he tore up Marlborough Place; Cromlechheight and Crommalhill were his farfamed feetrests when our lurch as lout let free into the Lubar heloved; mareschalled his wardmotes and delimited the main; netted before nibbling, can scarce turn a scale but, grossed after meals, weighs a town in himself; Banba prayed for his conversion, Beurla missed that grand old voice; a Colossus among cabbages, the Melarancitrone of fruits; larger than life, doughtier than death; Gran Turco, orege forment; lachsembulger, leperlean; the sparkle of his genial fancy, the depth of his calm sagacity, the clearness of his spotless honour, the flow of his boundless benevolence; our family furbear, our tribal tarnpike; quary was he invincibled and cur was he burked; partitioned Irskaholm, united Irishmen; he took a svig at his own methyr but she tested a bit gorky and as for the salmon he was coming up in him all life long; comm, eilerdich hecklebury and sawyer thee, warden; silent as the bee in honey, stark as the breath on hauwck, Costello, Kinsella, Mahony, Moran, though you rope Amrique your home ruler is Dan; figure right, he is hoisted by the scurve of his shaggy neck, figure left, he is rationed in isobaric patties among the crew; one asks was he poisoned, one thinks how much did he leave; ex-gardener (Riesengebirger), fitted up with planturous existencies would make Roseoogreedy (mite’s) little hose; taut sheets and scuppers awash but the oil silk mack Liebsterpet micks his aquascutum; the enjoyment he took in kay women, the employment he gave to gee men; sponsor to a squad of piercers, ally to a host of rawlies; against lightning, explosion, fire, earthquake, flood, whirlwind, burglary, third party, rot, loss of cash, loss of credit, impact of vehicles; can rant as grave as oxtail soup and chat as gay as a porto flippant; is unhesitent in his unionism and yet a pigotted nationalist; Sylviacola is shy of him, Matrosenhosens nose the joke; shows the sinews of peace in his chest-o-wars; fiefeofhome, ninehundred and thirtunine years of copyhold; is aldays open for polemypolity’s sake when he’s not suntimes closed for the love of Janus; sucks life’s eleaxir from the pettipickles of the Jewess and ruoulls in sulks if any popeling runs down the Huguenots; Boomaport, Walleslee, Ubermeerschall Blowcher and Supercharger, Monsieur Ducrow, Mister Mudson, master gardiner; to one he’s just paunch and judex, to another full of beans and brehons; hallucination, cauchman, ectoplasm; passed for baabaa blacksheep till he grew white woo woo woolly; was drummatoysed by Mac Milligan’s daughter and put to music by one shoebard; all fitzpatricks in his emirate remember him, the boys of wetford hail him babu; indanified himself with boro tribute and was schenkt publicly to brigstoll; was given the light in drey orchafts and entumuled in threeplexes; his likeness is in Terrecuite and he giveth rest to the rainbowed; lebriety, frothearnity and quality; his reverse makes a virtue of necessity while his obverse mars a mother by invention; beskilk his gunwale and he’s the second imperial, untie points, unhook tenters and he’s lath and plaster; calls upon Allthing when he fails to appeal to Eachovos; basidens, ardree, kongsemma, rexregulorum; stood into Dee mouth, then backed broadside on Baulacleeva; either eldorado or ultimate thole; a kraal of fou feud fires, a crawl of five pubs; laid out lashings of laveries to hunt down his family ancestors and then pled double trouble or quick quits to hush the buckers up; threw pebblets for luck over one sodden shoulder and dragooned peoplades armed to their teeth; pept as Gaudio Gambrinus, grim as Potter the Grave; ace of arts, deuce of damimonds, trouble of clubs, fear of spates; cumbrum, cumbrum, twiniceynurseys fore a drum but tre to uno tips the scale; reeled the titleroll opposite a brace of girdles in Silver on the Screen but was sequenced from the set as Crookback by the even more titulars, Rick, Dave and Barry; he can get on as early as the twentysecond of Mars but occasionally he doesn’t come offbefore Virgintiquinque Germinal; his Indian name is Hapapoosiesobjibway and his number in arithmosophy is the stars of the plough; took weapon in the province of the pike and let fling his line on Eelwick; moves in vicous cicles yet remews the same; the drain rats bless his offals while the park birds curse his floodlights; Portobello, Equadocta, Therecocta, Percorello; he pours into the softclad shellborn the hard cash earned in Watling Street; his birth proved accidental shows his death its grave mistake; brought us giant ivy from the land of younkers and bewitthered Apostolopolos with the gale of his gall; while satisfied that soft youthful bright matchless girls should bosom into fine silkclad joyous blooming young women is not so pleased that heavy swearsome strongsmelling irregularshaped men should blottout active handsome wellformed frankeyed boys; herald hairyfair, alloaf the wheat; husband your aunt and endow your nepos; hearken but hush it, screen him and see; time is, an archbishopric, time was, a tradesmen’s entrance; beckburn brooked with wath, scale scarred by scow; his rainfall is a couple of kneehighs while his meanst grass temperature marked three in the shade; is the meltingpoint of snow and the bubblingplace of alcohol; has a tussle with the trulls and then does himself justice; hinted at in the eschatological chapters of Humphrey’s Justesse of the Jaypees and hunted for by Theban recensors who sniff there’s something behind the Bug of the Deaf; the king was in his cornerwall melking mark so murry, the queen was steep in armbour feeling fain and furry, the mayds was midst the hawthorns shoeing up their hose, out pimps the back guards (pomp!) and pump gun they goes; to all his foretellers he reared a stone and for all his comethers he planted a tree; forty acres, sixty miles, white stripe, red stripe, washes his fleet in annacrwatter; whou missed a porter so whot shall he do for he wanted to sit for Pimploco but they’ve caught him to stand for Sue?; Dutchlord, Dutchlord, overawes us; Headmound, king and martyr, dunstung in the Yeast, Pitre-le-Pore-in Petrin, Barth-the-Grete-by-the-Exchange; he hestens towards dames troth and wedding hand like the prince of Orange and Nassau while he has trinity left behind him like Bowlbeggar Bill-the-Bustonly; brow of a hazelwood, pool in the dark; changes blowicks into bullocks and a well of Artesia into a bird of Arabia; the handwriting on his facewall, the cryptoconchoidsiphonostomata in his exprussians; his birthspot lies beyond the herospont and his burialplot in the pleasant little field; is the yldist kiosk on the pleninsula and the unguest hostel in Saint Scholarland; walked many hundreds and many score miles of streets and lit thousands in one nightlights in hectares of windows; his great wide cloak lies on fifteen acres and his little white horse decks by dozens our doors; O sorrow the sail and woe the rudder that were set for Mairie Quai!; his suns the huns, his dartars the tartars, are plenty here today; who repulsed from his burst the bombolts of Ostenton and falchioned each flash downsaduck in the deep; apersonal problem, a locative enigma; upright one, vehicule of arcanisation in the field, lying chap, floodsupplier of celiculation through ebblanes; a part of the whole as a port for a whale; Dear Hewitt Castello, Equerry, were daylighted with our outing and are looking backwards to unearly summers, from Rhoda Dundrums; is above the seedfruit level and outside the leguminiferous zone; when older links lock older hearts then he’ll resemble she; can be built with glue and clippings, scrawled or voided on a buttress; the night express sings his story, the song of sparrownotes on his stave of wires; he crawls with lice, he swarms with saggarts; is as quiet as a mursque but can be as noisy as a sonogog; was Dilmun when his date was palmy and Mudlin when his nut was cracked; suck up the sease, lep laud at ease, one lip on his lap and one cushlin his crease; his porter has a mighty grasp and his baxters the boon of broadwhite; as far as wind dries and rain eats and sun turns and water bounds he is exalted and depressed, assembled and asundered; go away, we are deluded, come back, we are disghosted; bored the Ostrov, leapt the Inferus, swam the Mabbul and flure the Moyle; like fat, like fatlike tallow, of greasefulness, yea of dripping greasefulness; did not say to the old, old, did not say to the scorbutic, scorbutic; he has founded a house, Uru, a house he has founded to which he has assigned its fate; bears a raaven geulant on a fjeld duiv; ruz the halo offhis varlet when he appeared to his shecook as Haycock, Emmet, Boaro, Toaro, Osterich, Mangy and Skunk; pressed the beer of aled age out of the nettles of rashness; put a roof on the lodge for Hymn and a coq in his pot pro homo; was dapifer then pancircensor then hortifex magnus; the topes that tippled on him, the types that toppled off him; still starts our hares yet gates our goat; pocketbook packetboat, gapman gunrun; the light of other days, dire dreary darkness; our awful dad, Timour of Tortur; puzzling, startling, shocking, nay, perturbing; went puffing from king’s brugh to new customs, doffing the gibbous off him to every breach of all size; with Pa’s new heft and Papa’s new helve he’s Papapa’s old cutlass Papapapa left us; when youngheaded oldshouldered and middlishneck aged about; caller herring everydaily, turgid tarpon overnight; see Loryon the comaleon that changed endocrine history by loeven his loaf with forty bannucks; she drove him dafe till he driv her blind up; the pigeons doves be perchin all over him one day on Baslesbridge and the ravens duv be pitchin their dark nets after him the next night behind Koenigstein’s Arbour; tronf of the rep, comf of the priv, prosp of the pub; his headwood it’s ideal if his feet are bally clay; he crashed in the hollow of the park, trees down, as he soared in the vaguum of the phoenix, stones up; looks like a moultain boultter and sounds like a rude word; the mountain view, some lumin pale round a lamp of succar in boinyn water; three shots a puddy at up blup saddle; made up to Miss MacCormack Ni Lacarthy who made off with Darly Dermod, swank and swarthy; once diamond cut garnet now dammat cuts groany; you might find him at the Florence but watch our for him in Wynn’s Hotel; theer’s his bow and wheer’s his leaker and heer lays his bequiet hearse, deep; Swed Albiony, likeliest villain of the place; Hennery Canterel—Cockran, eggotisters, limitated; we take our tays and frees our fleas round sadurn’s mounted foot; built the Lund’s kirk and destroyed the church’s land; who guesse his title grabs his deeds; fletch and prities, fash and chaps; artful Juke of Wilysly; Hugglebelly’s Funniral; Kukkuk Kallikak; heard in camera and excruciated; boon when with benches billeted, bann if buckshotbackshattered; heavengendered, chaosfoedted, earthborn; his father presumptively ploughed it deep on overtime and his mother as all evince must have travailled her fair share; a footprinse on the Megacene, hetman unwhorsed by Searingsand; honorary captain of the extemporised fire brigade, reported to be friendly with the police; the door is still open; the old stock collar is coming back; not forgetting the time you laughed at Elder Charterhouse’s duckwhite pants and the way you said the whole township can see his hairy legs; by stealth of a kersse her aulburntress abaft his nape she hung; when his kettle became a hearthsculdus our thorstyites set their lymphyamphyre; his yearletter concocted by masterhands of assays, his hallmark imposed by the standard of wrought plate; a pair of pectorals and a triplescreen to get a wind up; lights his pipe with a rosin tree and hires a towhorse to haul his shoes; cures slavey’s scurvy, breaks barons boils; called to sell polosh and was found later in a bedroom; has his seat of justice, his house of mercy, his com o’copious and his stacks a’rye; prospector, he had a rooksacht, retrospector, he holds the holpenstake; won the freedom of new yoke for the minds of jugoslaves; acts active, peddles in passivism and is a gorgon of selfridgeousness; pours a laughsworth of his illformation over a larmsworth of salt; half heard the single maiden speech La Belle spun to her Grand Mount and wholed a lifetime by his ain fireside, wondering was it hebrew set to himmeltones or the quicksilversong of qwaternions; his troubles may be over but his doubles have still to come; the lobster pot that crabbed our keel, the garden pet that spoiled our squeezed peas; he stands in a lovely park, sea is not far, importunate towns of X, Y and Z are easily over reached; is an excrescence to civilised humanity and but a wart on Europe; wanamade singsigns to soundsense an yit he wanna git all his flesch nuemaid motts truly prural and plusible; has excisively large rings and is uncustomarily perfumed; lusteth ath he listeth the cleah whithpeh of a themise; is a prince of the fingallian in a hiberniad of hoolies; has a hodge to wherry him and a frenchy to curry him and a brabanson for his beeter and a fritz at his switch; was waylaid of a parker and beschotten by a buckeley; kicks lintils when he’s cuppy and casts Jacob’s arroroots, dime after dime, to poor waifstrays on the perish; reads the charms of H. C. Endersen all the weaks of his evenin and the crimes of Ivaun the Taurrible every strongday morn; soaps you soft to your face and slaps himself when he’s badend; owns the bulgiest bungbarrel that ever was tiptapped in the privace of the Mullingar Inn; was bom with a nuasilver tongue in his mouth and went round the coast of Iron with his lift hand to the scene; raised but two fingers and yet smelt it would day; for whom it is easier to found a see in Ebblannah than for I or you to find a dubbeltye in Dampsterdamp; to live with whom is a lifemayor and to know whom a liberal education; was dipped in Hoily Olives and chrysmed in Scent Otooles; hears cricket on the earth but annoys the life out of predikants; still turns the durc’s ear of Darius to the now thoroughly infurioted one of God; made Man with juts that jerk and minted money mong maney; likes a six acup pudding when he’s come whome sweetwhome; has come through all the eras of livsadventure from moonshine and shampaying down to clouts and pottled porter; woollem the farsed, hahnreich the althe, charge the sackend, writchad the thord; if a mandrake shricked to convultures at last surviving his birth the weibduck will wail bitternly over the rotter’s resurrection; loses weight in the moon night but gird girder by the sundawn; with one touch of nature set a veiled world agrin and went within a sheet of tissuepaper of the option of three gaols; who could see at one blick a saumon taken with a lance, hunters pursuing a doe, a swallowship in full sail, a whyterobe lifting a host; faced flappery like old King Cnut and turned his back like Cincinnatus; is a farfar and morefar and a hoar father Nakedbucker in villas old as new; squats aquart and cracks aquaint when it’s flaggin in town and on haven; blows whiskery around his summit but stehts stout upon his footles; stutters fore he falls and goes mad entirely when he’s waked; is Timb to the pearly mom and Tomb to the mourning night; and an he had the best bunbaked bricks in bould Babylon for his pitching plays he’d be lost for the want of his wan wubblin wall?

Answer: Finn MacCool!

#i was sorely tempted to not put this under a read more and just make this a straight-up post #also there may be typos in there. i spotted one and fixed it but that was by chance.#i love james joyce #and i love very dry absurd humour

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