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dontforgetoctober3rd · 2 years ago

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Life Eternal

This is an HOTD fanfic based off *another* fanfic, Second Sons by @avengingangelfanfic

The order I highly recommend reading in is Second Sons first (might take you a while, as it clocks in at well over 500K words!) and then reading my drabble prologue here:

Lastly, you can proceed with the story in THIS post!

Disclaimer: The events in this fic are NOT canon to the canon events of AvengingAngel's story! It was just an idea bouncing around and I asked for permission, which was graciously given, to put it in words. Gif credits are in the gifs themselves, except for the still image of King Edward, which is a screengrab from TLK.

Summary: Set 44 years after the initial events of Second Sons, Daemon Targaryen, son of Aemond and Lyanna, struggles to find his way due to his parents' fame. Who will he go to first in order to solve this problem?

Faceclaims: Daemon (Aemond as portrayed by Ewan Mitchell, except without the missing eye and his hair in a single ponytail)

Royce Baratheon (King Edward from The Last Kingdom, as portrayed by Timothy Innes)

Alphonse Baratheon (Osferth from The Last Kingdom, as portrayed by Ewan Mitchell)

King Jacaerys (Aragorn as portrayed by Viggo Mortensen)

Aegon II and Helaena (Tom Glynn-Carney and Phia Saban, but just imagine them way older!)

Word Count: 4400

Rating: T (mentions of death, mentions of violence)

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In the first 25 years of the reign of Rhaenyra, the People’s Queen, Westeros enjoyed unprecedented peace and prosperity. Save for the usual disputes between great houses over old wounds, the staving off of pirates who got too bold every couple of years, and the hard winter of 140 AC,those first 25 years were considered the Golden Age of the Seven Kingdoms.

It seemed once the new queen made short work of the extremist Faith Militant and the Flameborn in House Targaryen were revealed, no other major enemy desired a dance with the dragons who sat the Iron Throne.

Such a difference to the tragic years shortly following the birth of Prince Aemond and Princess Lyanna’s 7th child, Daemon. Before the terrible times of turmoil, let us tell of this last instance of happiness for The Dragon Blade and his Princess of Hearts.

The much beloved son came after 6 equally loved daughters: Catelyn, the eldest and born in the midst of the Crown’s battle against the Faith Militant, Laena, second and named for her grandsire’s second wife and Queen Baela’s mother, Alicent,their third, named for her father’s mother and who grew to share Prince Aemond’s love of books, Alyssa came fourth, named for her great-grandmother, followed by a fifth daughter, Daenys, who together with Alyssa stuck to her elder sister Alicent like a shadow. A sixth child, seemingly the last (for it was 7 years after the birth of Daenys that this occurred and following this birth, it would be ten years before Princess Lyanna’s womb would quicken again, everyone of the mind that she was going through her change of no longer being fertile) turned out to be another daughter, whose name was decided upon to be Rhaenys.

“By your leave, we have decided to name her Rhaenys.” Prince Aemond had famously told The Queen Who Never Was, upon his arrival at Driftmark. He had taken up the habit of flying upon Vhagar to announce the births of his children to the lords and ladies of various houses.

So it was when Princess Lyanna brought forth a son. While she stayed in King’s Landing with the King Consort and Queen positively preening with pride over their latest grandson, Prince Aemond flew to the great houses his daughters had married into: Caswell (for Laena), Umber (Daenys), and lastly Baratheon (his eldest, Catelyn, had married Lord Royce). Two of his daughters, Alicent and Alyssa, had married Aegon II’s sons, Maelor and Valerion, respectively. They resided in the red keep with the rest of the family, seeing to the celebrations. King’s Landing was full of joy, its citizens celebrating yet another dragon born.

No one could predict the absolute horror that was to come, the calamity that would begin with the murder of her grace Queen Rhaenyra and her Lord Hand and husband, King Consort Daemon, in the city of Braavos.

No ravens came but a messenger on a ship arrived with a barebones crew to deliver the horrible news. Braavos would have been burned to the ground by command of the newly made King Jacaerys, had his fury not been assuaged by the Dragon Blade.

Prince Aemond, having been made Hand of The King in the war council immediately following the news, felt the matter stank of outside forces plotting against Braavos. The city and its holdings had always been friendly with the crown, had sent much needed aid during the hard winter, always paid tariffs when in Westeros’ ports instead of covertly trying to weasel out of them and all the sea lords had immediately condemned the murder. What’s more, Caraxes and Syrax had not attacked the city. The two dragons instead flew to Mereen and began setting that city aflame before being fended off by canons, spears and all manner of debris being flung at them with catapults. They did not immediately return to Dragonstone or King’s Landing, only appearing later at the deciding battle of the upcoming conflict. It was not long after the war council that the White Worm came to King Jacaery’s court with the information she had been tasked to uncover the moment messenger’s had informed House Targaryen of the killings.

So the ravens flew from the Red Keep all over Westeros: Rhaenyra, Queen of The Seven Kingdoms, and her husband Daemon, King Consort, were dead by orders of Khal Drogo, self-styled king of Slaver’s Bay. Khal Drogo was determined to be the Stallion Who Mounts The World, and only House Targaryen had any hope of standing against his mighty army of giants, wizards and slaves.

It seemed that King Jacaerys, who history would come to know as Jacaerys the Defender, would have his mettle as a ruler first tested by this tyrant. A funeral was held for his late mother and stepfather, the much loved Queen and King, their bodies having been delivered personally by a council of sealords from Braavos.

The funeral procession was a most heart wrenching sight. Flowers were tossed as the bodies passed by. The smallfolk wept and wailed. Even the guards had visible streams of tears flowing from their faces.

Saddest of all was the procession of the new King and Queen’s family. King Jacaerys and Queen Baela steadily walked by, their bodies rigid and faces like stone. Crown Prince Aemon followed, tear tracks clear on his face, his eyes full of fire and looking determined for revenge. The Lord and Lady of Driftmark, Lucerys and Rhaena Velaryon, came after, followed by Aegon II holding steady Princess Helaena, all their children following.

Prince Aemond and Princess Lyanna had fallen behind with Lord Rick Tully, they struggled with him to comfort and raise up Lady Alicent Tully, who had collapsed on the path and was screaming with intense sorrow. The people of King’s Landing could only watch in sadness as Aemond, Lyanna and Rick took to kneeling on the ground, attempting to get a hysterical Alicent to stand and walk. Her words were heard by all nearby.

“Don’t make me do it! Please, gods, don’t make me do it!! I cannot I cannot do it please do not make me-”

—-------

Daemon Targaryen closed the history book. It was looking to be yet another disappointment in what he was searching for, as was every book and scroll that talked of his late parents. He had read so many that by now he could predict how the maesters, septas and scholars would choose to portray his mother and father: in every way except as people. Rubbing his temples and standing to search for another book in the library, he contemplated his next move.

It was always the same. They were devoted to each other, moved and operated almost as one unit, songs were written of them, their words and actions immortalized on paper and stone, and yet…they felt like strangers to him. He had lost them in the last battle of the war against Khal Drogo, when he was but a year old and King Jacaerys had afterwards issued a rather strange decree: no one was to talk to him of his parents until he came of age.

When he was a small boy, he did not see the reasoning for such a thing, but soon learned. Prince Aemond and Princess Lyanna were akin to mythical deities for the people of King’s Landing and all throughout the seven kingdoms, second in popularity only to the People’s Queen herself, Rhaenyra. King Jacaerys did not want Daemon to grow up under the pressure of living up to them. Though they were all aware of the decree, it didn’t stop little comments constantly peppered into Daemon’s interactions with the smallfolk.

In his growing years, he didn't understand them. As a teenager, it got infuriating. Daily, as he walked about the city, he was always told he was his father reborn. Many would add that he may be his father in looks but his heart was all his mother’s. His own wants, his own ambitions, his own words even, were continually dismissed as people would try to prod him into acting like his parents, people he never knew. His cousin, the King, suddenly did not seem so unwise with his decree. Had it been obeyed fully, Daemon guessed he could have grown up not feeling so inadequate. He used to hate it at first, resent it, this constant shadow of his parents ever looming over him everywhere he went.

Now, a couple of weeks past his 19th nameday, he finally felt a desire to know them as a son should. His sisters, far older than he, were not much help. Daenys and Laena lived away from the Red Keep, their own holds to rule along with their husbands and own families to look after. Alicent was always busy either with her namesake library or their grandsire Daemon’s university, Alyssa ever at her side. Rhaenys had married into House Stark some years ago, far too remote to regularly converse with even by raven.

Catelyn Baratheon and her husband Lord Royce were the ones he was closest to, despite them having approximately 30 some years on him, their eldest son Alphonse his dearest friend. Ravens to and from Storm’s End were common, visits on dragonback frequent. Daemon’s brilliant white dragon, Parthurnaax, enjoyed flying to Storm’s End to cavort with Caraxes, his grandsire’s old mount, who had been claimed by Alphonse.

Daemon shared a special bond with his slightly older nephew: save for the signature Baratheon brown hair, Alphonse had Aemond Targeryen’s face as well.

He understood the impossible comparisons to some degree but his parents insisted he shared only a face with his grandsire yet even they could not help but admit the truth when he had asked: though Alphonse had a softer version of the late Dragon Blade’s face, it was his son Daemon who had grown to be the very mirror of him (save for not having a missing eye himself).

Alphonse and his uncle were quite close, as close as brothers would be, the result of having been fostered in King’s Landing until he came of age himself. Alphonse had often found himself reassuring his uncle after a particularly bad day.

“Let them talk. Saying a thing does not make it so. You are Daemon Targaryen, not Aemond the Dragon Blade.” Alphonse would say.

Catelyn, while never having an in depth discussion with Daemon about her own father and mother, as per King Jacaery’s decree, insisted that the stories told by the people and the histories written by maesters and septas would never come close to doing justice to the memory of Aemond and Lyanna. Royce, who had also known them well, agreed. Three years past, on Daemon’s 16th nameday, they both offered to sit and talk of them with him.

Still in the throes of his frustrations of not being considered his own person, he had angrily refused with all the vehemence of a 16 year old determined they were the only one in the world feeling such anger. Daemon had even refused to answer Catelyn’s ravens for a few months after. Alphonse had tried to make peace with them but was unsuccessful until communications were initiated by Daemon himself again.

Now, at 19, it was Daemon who broached the subject once more. One week since he had sent a raven and still no answer. No matter. There were periods of time when Catelyn took up to two weeks to respond, duties as Lady of Storm’s End keeping her busy. Daemon was happy to wait, now that he was sure of what he wanted.

—-------

Daemon did not have to wait long. 2 weeks after sending a raven, he was summoned by his cousin.

“His Grace, King Jacaerys, invites you to break your fast with him and Prince Aegon the Elder, my prince.” Ser Arryk informed him one morning, as he was just leaving his chambers. Daemon knew it was not an invitation. His presence was required. Ever since his spat with Catelyn, despite having reconciled, he felt that the King remained short with him and it was best not to antagonize him by refusing an order.

He made his way to the vast family common balcony on a far end of the keep. It offered the most expansive, amazing view of the city. When he got there, Helaena was also present, she and Aegon milling about the smaller table full of food and transferring morsels to their own plates before seating themselves at the bigger table. King Jacaerys, already seated at the head of it, laughed at something Aegon said. Servants stood by the door but the atmosphere was relaxed. So it was to be an informal meal…

“Cousin. Uncle. Aunt. A lovely morning, is it not?” he called out as he entered. They all turned and he saw it, the look everyone always gave. Like they thought for a moment that Aemond Targaryen stood before them until reality set in. It was hard not to think that way for them, he supposed. Daemon had grown his hair long as Targaryen men traditionally did but still snuck in a bit of defiance: instead of the half ponytail favored by his father in all paintings he saw of him, he kept his tresses tied back in a single, low ponytail.

“Daemon.” Jacaerys said. “Come, I have a task for you.” He motioned for him to sit in the chair across from Aegon and Helaena, who both smiled and nodded at his presence.

Daemon sat, taking a glass of wine offered by Helaena. He faced the King. “What is it?”

“Alphonse tells me Storm’s End has need of a dragon. Him and your sister Catelyn are due in Braavos for a diplomatic trip on behalf of the Crown. Lord Baratheon would appreciate your presence until they return.” Jacaerys bit a piece of lamb off his fork as he finished speaking.

Daemon was confused for a moment. “Did a raven come? I wrote to Catelyn weeks ago and have not received a response.”

Aegon chuckled a bit. “That is because Alphonse wrote to us on her behalf, since Catelyn was momentarily away with Royce, dealing with some border dispute. Apparently they gave him leave to read their correspondence and when they got back they didn’t feel sending another raven was necessary…”

“It was the right decision, in the end.” Jacaerys put in. “Catelyn hasn’t the time right now to really give you the discussion of your parents that you deserve. This trip is important.” At this, Daemon snapped to attention.

“I’m sorry, nephew. “ Helaena apologized. “ We visited them on dragonback the other day. Everyone is aware now, that you are ready to know the truth.” she said simply, as was often her way. Daemon felt his cheeks burn. Everyone? Everyone knew his business?! Catelyn would pay for this. Alphonse too!

“You should leave as soon as possible. Catelyn and Alphonse will take flight as soon as they see Parthurnaax in the skies.” Jacaerys continued. “The groups causing trouble in their lands have been quelled and Lord Baratheon has more than enough men to keep it that way, but the presence of a dragon will ensure things remain peaceful.”

Daemon said nothing, staring at his plate. Helaena began talking, attempting to snuff out the tension brewing. “Lord Baratheon loved your parents well, Daemon. I’m sure he would be happy to talk about them with you until Catelyn returns.” Still, Daemon said nothing. Jacaerys took notice and put his fork and cup of wine down, looking to him.

“Nephew-”Aegon began, trying to diffuse the situation but Daemon cut in.

“All this blustering is unnecessary, Your Grace.” he said, the last two words laced with venom. “Be direct with me: you are not sending me to assist Storm’s End. Lord Baratheon needs help fending off raiders like my dragon needs help killing the sheep for his meals.”

The servants tensed, Aegon and Helaena remained silent. Jacaerys was now fuming but his voice remained calm. “Cousin...what reason would I have to not be direct with you?” he asked in a silky, irritated voice. He stared unflinchingly at Daemon, who stared back but seemed to second guess his decision to lash out. He may be family, but Jacaerys was still King of all Westeros. If Daemon were anyone else, he would surely be sleeping in the dungeons tonight for daring to speak in such a way in the King’s presence.

“I am not a child anymore.” Daemon said.

“The fact has not escaped my notice, despite you currently having the attitude of one.” Jacaerys said. “Come now, there's no need to be angry. I am not using any pretext to send you off. Your long awaited talk of your parents is merely a pleasant addition to your mission. Think of this as more a favor to me” his voice softening, Jacaerys continued. “I may be King but Vermax and I cannot be everywhere at once. It would soothe my mind to know my coast remains under protection of a dragon.”

Quick as it had come, Daemon’s anger dissipated at the caring tone in his cousin’s voice. Helaena reached out to hold his hand as Aegon spoke up.

“We will certainly be happy to talk of your parents further with you when you come back.” Aegon said with a smile. “No more sidestepping the subject, nephew. You deserve to know them fully as we did and to love them as we all still do.”

Feeling he would cry if he spoke, Daemon merely nodded stiffly at them all and started to eat. Jacaerys began to speak of the weather with Aegon and Helaena as if it were the most riveting topic, all of them pointedly ignoring Daemon’s silence. He would speak to them again when he felt ready.

—-------

Of all days for Storm’s End to have clear skies and a shining sun, Lord Royce Baratheon thought it auspicious that it would be today. His brother-in-law, Daemon, had arrived a few hours ago. Royce happily greeted him in the courtyard despite the reserved demeanor that initially met him.

“Brother, it is good to see you.” Daemon seemed jittery and restless. Royce tactfully led him to his library and had refreshments brought. It was best to just get on with it, Daemon had waited long enough.

“How are Catelyn and Alphonse?” Daemon asked, hands clasped behind his back as he paced the library, ignoring the lemon cakes and tea brought.

Royce smiled, his hands clasped to his stomach. “They are the same.” He took a lemon cake and nibbled at it. “Catelyn infuriating with her winning of bets against me, her own lord husband. Alphonse insists we arrange his marriage because talking to any maiden causes him to break out in a cold sweat and so making a match himself would be impossible, according to him.”

“He had gotten better at that, last I saw him.” Daemon chuckled.

“Has he? I have yet to see such a thing.”

“Perhaps it is just the fact that he cannot do it under your eye? He says you scare him. Not in a way that you would mean him harm, but just the way you carry yourself. As if you could achieve the greatest things in history.”

“I would hardly say talking to a maiden is one of the greatest things in history but your sister might become cross with me if she heard me giving voice to such an opinion.” Royce joked.

Daemon laughed and the older man looked on fondly. He was so like his father in appearance, but he laughed like his mother…

“Well…I think everyone in all of Westeros by now knows why I am here…” Daemon began. “I don't even know how to begin to…I just…I know nothing of them, really. All those histories, their great achievements, they tell me nothing. Of mother and father. I don’t even know what to ask!”

Royce sighed.

“You do not have to confine yourself to only ask of pivotal moments, you know. You can ask me anything of them, however mundane you may think it to be.”

“Truly? You would not think me wasting your time?”

“Not at all. I've been waiting for us to have this conversation with much anticipation, actually.”

“Anything?” Daemon asked again, still not quite believing he would finally get to know what his mother and father were truly like.

“Anything, brother. If you wish to know what jokes would cause your mother to roll her eyes, I will tell you. If you desire to know what the most frequent source of your father’s irritations was, I will spare no detail. Ask away.”

“Well…” Daemon began, looking out a window. “...I actually wish to start with knowing what you thought of them? When you met them. How they make you feel? How did they treat you? You were just a boy, after all.”

Royce examined the painted ceiling as he began talking. “I was so… terrified when my mother, gods rest her soul, brought my sisters and I to King’s Landing.”

Daemon sat on a chair, arms on the sides of it, listening intently. Royce stayed standing, slowly walking around the library, idly brushing the spines of books as he talked.

“All each of us had ever known was the cruelty of my father. He had the power, so he had the right to treat us as lesser, as he so insisted upon telling us at every opportunity. As soon as he was not in the vicinity, mother would contradict his word, try to build us up after father would tear us down. ‘Cruelty is not the way. None of you deserve this wretched treatment, you deserve kindness and love and happiness.’”

Daemon’s eyes began to mist over but he said nothing and let Royce continue.

“You can imagine my fear when mother dragged us to the Red Keep. Words mean very little when what you actually witness is something different. Save for our mother, kindness and love did not exist to us, especially not from those with power. Our father was a mere lord and he treated us as if we were scum so in my mind, the Targaryens, the rulers of the seven kingdoms and higher up in authority than him, would far outstrip his cruelty to my sisters and I. I had heard stories of this new Princess of Hearts, but I thought them the same as fairy tales: made up fantasies. For no Targaryen could possibly be so kind! Oh, and your father, the Dragon Blade. Well, I was in awe of tales about him but if I ever met him in person I would never have expected him to be anything other than deadly and vicious. He was like Balerion The Black Dread to me. ”

Daemon did not look away as Royce turned to face him.

“I did not believe it when Rhaenys, She Who Might Have Been Queen, vowed we would not be imprisoned. Daeron and Joffrey, despite their friendship with me when my family arrived, insisted we would be treated fairly and still I did not believe. They were not the ones in power, our very fate in their hands. The Dragon Blade had my father thrown to the dungeons for being rude with his words, so I prepared myself to be screamed at and possibly beaten when we were brought before the Queen…when your grandsire ordered everyone out, Rhaenys pulling us back so mother could talk to him alone…I thought it was over for us.”

Royce smiled sadly, continuing his story.

“I wanted to cry when everything turned out for the better, when the Hand promised we would not suffer for my father’s sins. I wanted to crawl up into mother’s arms, to praise her for being the bravest woman in the whole world for facing King Consort Daemon Targaryen himself… but we were in court and it would not have been proper, of course.” He laughed lightly, brightening the mood and Daemon smiled, keeping his silence so Royce could keep talking.

“It just…as soon as I saw there was nothing to fear from Daemon or the Queen, I felt like I wanted to know everything about them, these silver-haired dragonriders! Quite sure father would have beaten me to within an inch of my life if I had dared to ask him if he had magic. Lyanna must have had patience to spare, with all the impertinent questions my sisters asked of her family and bloodline. Her not simply boxing their ears and sending them off to their chambers as my father would often do was a miracle, to be honest.”

Daemon laughed at this along with Royce. Hearing him speak of these things, it was as if he were there himself, watching it all unfold.

“Oh gods, if your over protective mother had known how clumsy Cassandra was, holding Catelyn would have been out of the question. It's a good thing babies and pottery bear no resemblance to each other or my wife would have ended up on the ground as soon as Lyanna had handed her off.” Daemon was crying with laughter now, Royce smiled with glee, allowing him to catch his breath before going on with his recollection of things.

“And when your father appeared! It was very jarring to see what, to me, seemed like a deadly creature sidle up to your beautiful mother and gently give her a kiss. She did not fear him whatsoever! I was in shock, I think. I expected him to ignore me since ,compared to everyone else present, I thought myself of no consequence. He actually squatted down to talk to me. Me! A lad of a mere 5 years. This man who even the guards at home spoke of in fear, who had my father imprisoned just for talking!”

Daemon leaned back in the chair, listening intently. Hearing all this, he felt as if he were meeting his father and mother for the first time. He felt Royce’s joy and enthusiasm.

“Being around them, your parents… it just felt safe. I didn't sense any hooks later to be reeled in for favors from their kindness, like with other lords and ladies…there was no barrier of formality. I didn't feel like my nerves would snap if I made a mistake with court decorum. I did not feel stupid and worthless. They did not paint us with the same brush the rest did due to my father’s actions. I felt I could be myself. It was quite freeing, let me tell you.”

As Royce continued to talk, servants replenished the food and drink. Daemon continued to listen well into the night, happy to finally get to know his mother and father.

CHAPTER 2

#WARNING: MY WRITING IS SHIT COMPARED TO AVENGING ANGEL PLZ JUDGE ME KINDLY I AM TRYING #🙏🏽😫#hotd fanfic #fanfic based on fanfic #house of the dragon fanfiction #house of the dragon fanfic #second sons by avengingangel #avengingangelfanfic #I really went and wrote 4K words just so one person would read it and give me their opinion of it...💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀#doors without hinges got NOTHING on me lmao #bonus points to you if you caught the Skyrim reference with Daemon’s dragon 👉👈😬

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the-desolated-quill · 27 days ago

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Wow OP. You were so close and then you fell flat on your face at the end by dismissing the whitewashing. You could have just let the comment sit, but no. You HAD to be the one that was always right. You HAD to have the final word. And by doing so, you completely undermined your otherwise excellent argument. You pillock 🤦🏻‍♂️

That’s It.

I’m tired of seeing everyone repeat the same four points: “1) Nani gives Lilo to the state! 2) Hawaii has a better marine biology program than San Fransisco! 3) Jumba doesn’t get redeemed! 4) Pleakley’s not wearing a dress!”

Those are not the only things that were bad about this remake. You could easily tell it was going to be all that and more beforehand, but most people’s reaction to the trailer was “it’s surprisingly good!” and now they’re acting all surprised. If you didn’t see this coming, enough to purchase a ticket, you’re part of the problem and you don’t get the original movie any more than the people who made this remake did.

So I’m done being quiet, this is the Lilo & Stitch 2025 Takedown Post.

And as usual the only good thing about an attempted-remake is that it gives people a reason to think about what made the original so good.

Let’s go in order. But just scroll down to the Heading you Care About if you don’t want to read all this.

1. Cobra Bubbles

In this movie, Cobra Bubbles is a secret agent hunting for aliens and they have a new character take his place as the state social worker.

The Problem They Were Trying to Solve With this Change: “We shouldn’t have a black man or a government worker feel like an insensitive antagonist to Lilo’s family.”

That’s a stupid surface-level one-dimensional misread of the character from the original…and it wouldn’t have been hard, at all, for a child to explain to the 2025 filmmakers that Cobra is not an insensitive antagonist in the original.

Cobra Bubbles is not insensitive and he is not in any way portrayed as a bad guy in the original. Nani sees him that way, Nani sees him as antagonistic, because he’s the representation of Lilo being taken away.

But Nani is wrong about him and learns that she is wrong about him by the end of the movie.

Can we please make a list?

Cobra’s first interaction with the caretaker of the child he was being sent to protect was that she ran out into the road, yelled at a complete stranger, and dented his car.

Then he found her locked out of the home and threatening the child inside with a hammer in her hand.

Then he found out the stove was on while she was out, and she’d left a 7 year-old alone.

The 7 year-old made comments about being disciplined with bricks and a pillow case.

The 7 year-old looks like she might be more than a little emotionally unbalanced because she’s figuring out how to put voodoo spells on her friends to punish them.

He still gave that pair of sisters three days to straighten the ship. When in actuality, in 2002, under HRS §587-73, (don’t play with me) the social worker would’ve been well within his rights to remove the child from the home right then. But instead he gives her three days to fix it. THEN

The 18 year-old loses her job.

The family gets a “dog” who he is implied to know is an alien, right off the bat.

The alien is violent and wreaks havoc across town.

The 7 year-old almost drowns while they surf instead of find a job.

He lets the child and caretaker have one more night together to say goodbye, but when he’s on the way to get her he gets a call that she’s being attacked by aliens, hears a chainsaw, and finds the house on fire.

Do you understand what I’m saying.

Cobra Bubbles had NO BUSINESS being as BIG A SOFTIE AS HE WAS for all of the original movie. He was not only well within his legal rights to take Lilo away from Nani immediately, but he was actually required by law, it was his DUTY, to remove her immediately. But he didn’t do that. Why?

Now listen to me very carefully.

Lilo and Stitch is a movie about how “Family chooses to love and commit to one another selflessly, no matter what the other person can do for them or how hard they make it.” The fancy way they say it is just “Ohana means family: family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.”

Did you catch that? “No matter how hard they make it.”

Cobra Bubbles was a CIA agent before this. A CIA agent who saved the planet, by doing what? Convincing an alien race to leave them alone. Oh, he didn’t fight them off? No. How? He “convinced” them? He talked it out? Sounds like a pretty compassionate guy, for all his tough exterior. How did he do that?

He could’ve picked any animal that’s actually endangered. The filmmakers chose to make him the guy who convinced aliens to value mosquitos.

MOSQUITOS. Creatures that give nothing, only take. Ugly little bloodsucking monsters. That’s the creature he convinced them to care about enough to save the planet.

NOW do you have any trouble understanding why this is the specific social worker who would give an alien-infested dumpster fire of a dangerous home a chance when two sisters are about to be torn apart?

Do you see that Cobra is just another example of the grace that the movie is always talking about? The love that transforms someone from bad to good simply because it refuses to give up even when it gets nothing out of it? I’m repeating myself because I want you to see why he was a well-done character who NEEDED NO CHANGE.

Cobra Bubbles’ character is not an insensitive monster who doesn’t care who his actions hurt as long as he gets the job done. But you know who that does sound like?

2. Gantu

Gantu is not in the remake at all.

The Problem They Were Trying to Solve With This Change: “It’s going to cost us upwards of 1.5 millions of dollars to design, sculpt, rig, animate, and render a character this big in addition to finding a suitable voice actor to play the part.”

This is a really dumb choice for several reasons. A. Without Gantu, there is no “stakes-raiser” to Lilo and Nani’s story. The movie has no climax without him. For the first and second acts of the movie, it’s about a grieving pair of girls trying to prove themselves to a social worker while the story-equivalent of Beethoven the Destructive St. Bernard wacky Jumba & Pleakley antics get in their way. But when a 40-foot tall alien stomps into their lives and abducts Lilo & Stitch in a spaceship that careens around the island during an explosive sky-chase scene, now you have a high-octane, somebody-could-die climax.

B. Without Gantu, Stitch looks weaker. The climax gave Stitch a reason to come out of the wackadoo puppy he’s been posing as and suddenly remind everybody that he’s a lethal weapon who can survive thousand-foot drops, lava, and astronomic explosions—and a giant alien’s Thanos-dwarfing fist. Take him out and who do we have as a match for Stitch to go up against, even for a moment, and prove how much he’s changed to be willing to risk his freedom and fight?

C. Without Gantu you have no villain to reflect that STITCH is no longer a villain. (So they substituted Jumba.)

But the reason this character is really worth millions is, again, the theme.

I told you Cobra Bubbles was a character who did not put “duty” or even “convenience” or “position” over the real lives of Lilo and Nani. He saw that there was love there, and in his own way, he gave it a chance. And even when he chose to take Lilo away, he did it carefully; he gave them time to say goodbye.

GANTU IS THE OPPOSITE OF COBRA BUBBLES.

Gantu is the insensitive, uncaring, unyielding Captain whose commitment to duty turns into rage and cruelty. Not Cobra.

Nani thinks Cobra is walking in a threatening to tear apart their family in a display of government judgement. But that’s what Gantu literally does.

His first reaction to Stitch is to call for his destruction. Without even waiting to see if “it can be reasoned with” like the Grand Councilwoman suggests. He’s merciless. He mocks Stitch when Stitch is captive. And he knows that he caught Lilo, a human, along with him. He doesn’t care. He even suggests that Stitch eat her as a snack.

There are only two other characters who laugh at others’ misfortune in the movie. One is Stitch, the original villain. Then love changes him. The other is Jumba, who made Stitch. Then love changes him. But Gantu never gets changed. He’s only concerned with his job, and with personally annihilating the flaws he sees in Stitch.

Gantu is unyielding, ungracious, and cruel. And he’s big and powerful enough to be a test for Stitch to prove he’s changed. For the benefits he brings to the story, he’s worth 1.5 million and more. But they cut him anyway.

3. Jumba

In the new movie, Jumba is a villain through-and-through with designs on overthrowing the Galactic Council using Stitch, and instead of being redeemed, he’s sentenced to prison.

The Problem They Were Trying to Solve With This Change: “We can’t spend money on our real villain so we’ll just keep Jumba evil.”

The reason this is dumb is obvious. They created their own problem, and the ‘fix’ makes the movie weaker, not stronger. But here’s how.

In the original, Jumba is introduced as trying to self-protect. He’s on trial, and he lies. But when Stitch is revealed, he’s genuinely passionate about the thing he’s created. And he cares about image. He prefers to be called “evil genius,” and he hates the headlines labelling him “idiot scientist.”

You have to remember he’s part of “Galaxy Defense Industries.” They had him making weapons of destruction anyway. He just got too into it with his genetic Experiments, went a little insane.

I’m not downplaying the fact that Jumba is evil at the start of the movie. He is. It is evil to be outcasted from society and then respond to that with, “well, if they’re going to treat me like an idiot, I’LL SHOW THEM, I won’t care about anything except my passion for mad science!” That’s evil.

But it also explains a lot.

I said it in another post. Jumba’s whole utility as a character is that he knows who and what Stitch really is, better than anyone. He made him to be a monster who can’t belong and wreaks havoc on everybody else’s ‘place of belonging.’ Jumba is the audience’s insider’s perspective on what is going on in Stitch’s head, at first.

But when he’s redeemed, it happens fast. And why? Because that’s how plain and simple Stitch is, as a character. Jumba knows Stitch is a disgusting little monster with nothing inherently loveable about him, and no “greater purpose.” So when his disgusting monster is loved by someone? When his disgusting monster is willing to ask him, Jumba, for help? Something totally outside his programming, totally not what Jumba thought he’d ever be capable of?

That proves to Jumba, in an instant, that there’s love out there that transforms. And creates a place of belonging.

There were already germs of that, a desire to belong, a compassion, in Jumba after he reached earth.

He doesn’t try to get Nani fired, he offers an explanation for Pleakley’s swollen head.

He claims he won’t hit Lilo (why would he care about collateral damage?)

He sounds sorry for Nani when she’s upset about losing Lilo, and tries to keep Stitch from bothering her.

My point is, Jumba’s redemption isn’t important because it’s cute or because we need to set up the big happy found-family trope everybody loves.

Jumba’s redemption is important because it is just one more PROOF that what’s happened to Stitch is so incredible. The love Jumba finds transforming his monster is enough to transform Jumba, too.

But sure, fine, whatever, make him a soulless one-dimensional talking head. Whatever.

4. Stitch’s Design

In this movie, Stitch is cuter than he is ugly, and he’s half Lilo’s size.

The Problem They Were Trying to Solve With This Change: “Ugly-cute doesn’t come across as well in ‘live action’ animation. And all the Wal-Mart moms remember Stitch as ‘cute.’ Plus we’ll save about 15% in rendering the animation.”

This is crippling to the characterization of Stitch.

Stitch is supposed to be an echo of who Lilo could become now that she’s lost her parents and may be losing Nani. This scene:

Where Jumba points out that Stitch has nothing, and destruction is his only purpose, is the evidence for that. But Chris Sanders, who made this whole story, also point-blank said it. Stitch is a future Lilo, if she loses her family.

So that’s reason number 1 that he should be her same height. But also, practically, no iconic pair of best friends, yin and yang, have visuals where one is smaller than the other. Especially not if one of them is supposed to be disguised as a pet.

The point is, Stitch is not LILO’s pet. He is her best friend, her other half. But between the muzzle-muscles they worked into his upper lip and the darkened dog nose and the butt-scooting across the floor, the remake is trying to make him more pet-like in relation to Lilo.

That’s not what he is.

I said this in another post. But Stitch is supposed to throw food to the back of his head like a gator—his lips are not designed for forming words. His gums and teeth are supposed to look like a shark’s. His nose is supposed to be too big, stamped into his face. His ears are supposed to be like bat ears, not bunny ears. He hunches forward, instead of bending at the waist like a toddler. His eyes can narrow to lizard slits.

He has to look like he can believably be a disgusting monster. Yes, he can also be cute. But he has to first look like a monster. Because that’s what he really is, in the story. If he isn’t, then LILO’s love for him doesn’t look as powerful.

It is easy to love a cat even if it scratches you, because it’s cute. It’s harder to love a life-sized spider that keeps knocking you down and eating your prized possessions and laughing when you get hurt. Stitch is supposed to be closer to the second one, so that Lilo’s love shines brighter.

But also, practically:

She can’t look him in the eye for emotional shots when he’s that short. He’ll always have to awkwardly be standing on a box or a chair or a bed.

How is he going to scoop her up, hero-style, and leap off of an exploding spaceship with her in his arms, when he’s half her size? He could do it: it’ll look stupid, though. So they just don’t have that part in the movie.

She can pick him up. That alone is demeaning and again, the visuals are silly. Not what we’re going for.

5. Lilo’s Personality

In this movie, Lilo doesn’t like weird stuff, and she screams when she first meets Stitch. There’s no problem that this solves. It’s just laziness and a lack of care about the characters.

I would like to remind you that the original Lilo:

Made her own doll that looks like a shrunken head and pretended a bug laid eggs in her ears.

Makes up stories about a fish that controls the weather and actively deep-sea dives to bring it peanut butter sandwiches.

Has a knee-jerk reaction of using practical voodoo spells on friends who wrong her.

Listens exclusively to Elvis Presley.

Fills baby bottles with coffee.

Believes Nani’s manager is a vampire.

Has fishing nets and seashells in her room for decoration.

takes safari pictures of overweight bleached tourists.

meets a social worker and her first impulse is to ask if he’s killed someone.

Nails the door shut when she’s mad at her big sister.

She’s not friends with pound dogs in that original movie; when they first get there she acts like she’s never been in the kennel before, and originally wants a pet lobster.

I know that we all love that little girl they got to play Lilo, but if you were really being objective, you’d acknowledge that she’s a little girl. She’s not Lilo. She’s a cute little girl.

They did not write Lilo into the 2025 movie. They wrote any old little girl.

You should have known, from the moment she first sees Stitch and her reaction is to scream in the trailer, that THAT IS NOT LILO.

Lilo had a very specific set of characterizations. She was a character with a personality that exploded out of the screen. Every other character in the movie meets Stitch and reacts with disgust.

But not. LILO. She’s the only one to react to him like THIS:

She is literally not like anyone else. She’s doesn’t care that he’s ugly. Or weird. Or blue. Or even bat an eye when he can talk with all those shark teeth.

From Moment One, Lilo chooses Stitch. She chooses to love him. Regardless of what he can do for her. Regardless of how many times he pushes her over or rips up her house or makes her relationship with Nani harder. That is the number one thing about Lilo.

She is desperate for people to stay, but she chooses to love Stitch even though he’s a monster. And she tries to make him better. And her love succeeds in transforming him when nothing else could.

Lilo’s personality traits all mean something in the story. (I.e. she likes Elvis because she’s clinging to the past, she snaps pictures of tourists like they’re safari animals because they’re inherently people who LEAVE and she has issues with LEAVING, etc.) But the thing I think that was so obvious that the moviemakers missed for 2025 is she has to be weird. If she’s not weird, there’s no reason for her not to have friends. And if she has friends, what does she need Stitch for?

But also, Lilo’s personality in the new movie is just boring. Cute. But boring. Cute’s not that great of an accomplishment; any 7 year-old is cute.

6. Nani

I don’t think you guys need to know this. It’s not just that Nani leaves. It’s that “take care of yourself” is the exact opposite of the selfless message of the movie.

In the beginning, Lilo literally argues with Nani after being told she’s “such a pain,” and goes, “why don’t you SELL ME and buy a RABBIT INSTEAD?”

And then breaks down and cries at the thought of Nani wishing she had a rabbit instead of Lilo, later.

Because Lilo is afraid of people leaving. But Nani won’t leave her. Nani loses her job, her own life, because of Lilo. But she’s desperate to keep Lilo anyway, because she loves her. Don’t you understand? The message of the movie was about self-sacrificial love. A love that doesn't care what I get out of the relationship.

Nani starts it. But you know what, David loves her like that, too. And then Lilo transfers it to Stitch, who shows it off to Jumba. It’s a chain reaction, but Nani is spearheading it.

You realize that when their parents died, Nani already would’ve been in high school? With a whole life of her own? Her own friends, her own potential boyfriend, a job she went to, surf competitions (the trophies are in her room.) Lilo would’ve been well aware that that was the status-quo: Nani has her own life. And even a seven year-old can see that that life is being put on hold, but maybe the big sister wants to go back to it, at every turn.

The fact that Nani never does that, never expresses a desire for that, only ever expresses a desire to keep Lilo with her, is huge. It’s the core of the movie.

I don’t think that needs any more explaining.

We could talk more. Like about how Lilo needs to see that Stitch is an alien, because that’s the ultimate test: he’s one of the monsters who destroyed her house, he’s been lying to her and using her as a human shield, he’s a criminal—but she still winds up giving everything up to protect him.

Anyway. My neck hurts and I don’t want to type anymore. But we could talk about the music, the social worker, the grand councilwoman—it just doesn’t matter.

Ya’ll had more than enough details in the trailer to be able to not go see this movie because it was obviously going to ruin everything. But instead you chose to make this twisted corpse “the highest-grossing movie of any Memorial Day.” You bought tickets because they ruined a perfect movie and slapped together an uglier package for you.

Whatever. It was my favorite movie today, it’ll be your Treasure Planet or Tangled tomorrow. Keep riiiight on giving them your money, and keep letting influencers regurgitate the same four obvious facts to you over and over, because they paid Disney to make a talking-point for their content benefit. Whatever.

#lilo and stitch #anti disney #there are a multitude of reasons why this remake is garbage and the whitewashing is definitely one of them #if you think the whitewashing isn’t a big deal then you DEFINITELY don’t understand lilo and stitch #you’re not just wrong #you’re stupid #and you’re ugly just like your mum #(bonus points if you got that reference lol)#but seriously you really are a dumbass

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dc-comics-enjoyer · 8 months ago

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Whenever the Bats would complain about any of their tech malfunctioning, Bruce would definitely be the type of dad to go "Back in the days, I didn't even have that" (and of course he overdoes it) :

Dick : This grappling gun's jammed again !

Bruce : Be grateful. I used to scale buildings by hand with a hook and rope.

Dick : Yeah, yeah.

---

Tim : The encryption program is too slow to crack this file.

Bruce : I cracked codes with a pencil, paper, and a lot of staring.

Tim : [rolls his eyes]

---

Jason : The comms in my helmet cut out mid-fight. How am I supposed to fucking coordinate with the other dickwads ?!

Bruce : When I started, I had no comms. Hand signals and pigeons were my options.

Jason : ... Pigeons ?

Bruce : Yeah, now quit whining.

---

Damian : Father ! My sword tracker isn’t syncing properly !

Bruce : Know what I used to do when I lost track of my gear on the field ? I used this thing called "my eyes" to find it. Maybe try that.

---

Barbara : The Batcomputer is practically prehistoric at this point. Maybe it’s time to invest in an upgrade.

Bruce : Prehistoric ? I started with a notebook and an encyclopedia. Plus, I had to cross-reference everything manually. How’s that for prehistoric ?

Barbara : Sure, Grandpa.

---

Cass : My night vision is acting up. Can you fix it ?

Bruce : When I first started, I had to rely on the moonlight. You’ve got infrared, thermal imaging, and sonar. Don’t take it for granted.

Cass : ...

Bruce : ... Fine, I’ll fix it.

---

In the group chat.

Tim : Just survived another sermon about the olden days and gratitude. I swear, I’ve got a migraine.

Steph : Yikes. What was it about this time ?

Jason : Let me guess. How he had to hack into systems using a pocket calculator and sheer willpower ?

Tim : Close. It was how he used to decode encrypted files by hand and climb five stories to cut the power while it rained.

Steph : Classic. Did he end with the “you don’t know how easy you have it” speech ?

Tim : Oh, absolutely. With a bonus lecture about how he built the Batcomputer.

Jason : Next time, just tell him you don’t care.

Tim : And risk another hour ? No thanks.

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solxamber · 3 months ago

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Going to get my driver's licence and now I'm curious. How bad do you think the twst characters would be behind a car?? Cause idk if they have cars in that world or some magic equivalent, but I'm 90% sure almost none of them now how. Like imagine Lillia behind the wheel. He would either crash the car or get you yo your destination with mild injuries. And I KNOW leona sucks at driving that sonnova gun probs doesn't even have his permit.

good luck soldier, hope you pass first try 🫡

leona is canonically good at driving! his liongarb vignette part 2 has him driving everyone and they say it's a surprisingly smooth ride, he's had his license since before he enrolled in nrc!

ooo let's see (these are my hcs)

How I think the twst boys drive:

Riddle

“If you don’t use your blinker, you deserve a revoked license and public humiliation.”

has a laminated printout of the dmv manual in his glove compartment. refers to it. frequently.

stress-mumbles the rules of the road like it’s a ritual to keep the car from crashing

WILL tailgate someone going under the speed limit while also ranting about how dangerous tailgating is

6/10 driving skills. you’ll get there. your spine might not survive the journey, but you’ll get there.

Trey

drives like a dad and acts like one too. snacks in the glovebox. tunes to an “easy listening” radio station no one asked for

makes full eye contact with you while backing into a parking space like it’s nothing. terrifying.

won’t yell at other drivers but will mutter very passive-aggressive things like “oh, nice turn signal, champ”

actually a good driver, but if you’re in a rush he suddenly forgets where the gas pedal is

9/10. safe, boring, you will arrive calmly unless you say something that triggers “dad lecture mode”

Cater

treats every red light like a selfie opportunity. traffic jam? story time.

“oops lol i forgot i was driving”—said as he casually swerves back into the lane with one hand and no shame

will absolutely blast hyperpop or sad girl music at full volume and sing along

uses gps and still misses every turn. rerouting? he’s rerouting his soul

4/10. looks good while driving but he’s taking you straight to the afterlife

Ace

somehow thinks he’s in mario kart. will try to drift. is bad at drifting.

screams “WE’RE FINEEEE” after hitting the curb for the third time

brakes too late, accelerates too fast, thinks honking is just “assertive communication”

if there’s a speed bump he’s treating it like a ramp. bonus points if he makes you hit your head on the ceiling

2/10. he’s the reason riddle has ulcers. do NOT get in the car if you value your life or bones.

Deuce

follows every rule with military precision. 10 and 2. full stops. checks mirrors like he’s solving a crime

“Yes ma’am, no ma’am, I mean—uh, officer! No officer! I wasn’t speeding I swear—” (he wasn’t. he was 5 under.)

will cry if you scream while he’s merging. please don’t scare the boy.

starts off driving like your grandma, then randomly hits you with a tokyo drift moment and doesn’t explain

7/10. either safest driver alive or full menace. depends on how much sleep he got.

Leona

the infuriatingly competent kind of driver who looks like he’s not paying attention, but then parallel parks in one smooth move without even checking the mirrors

arm out the window, seat leaned back, one hand on the wheel, vibes immaculate

doesn’t drive fast, but drives scarily efficient. like you blink and you’re at the destination

will not turn down the music. you are listening to the same remix loop for 45 minutes and you WILL like it.

9/10 driver. good under pressure, hates driving in the rain, will refuse to pick you up unless you bribe him with snacks or flattery.

Ruggie

terrifyingly resourceful behind the wheel. the kind of guy who’ll be like “oh yeah there’s a shortcut” and you end up on a goat trail with no guardrails

speed demon. not by choice. he just doesn’t believe in arriving late. or braking.

eats while driving. talks while driving. does parkour with the car while driving. you pray while riding.

every time he drives you somewhere, you owe him one. including emotional damage fees.

5/10. you will survive. but spiritually? you left your body three potholes ago.

Jack

rule follower. actual golden retriever on the road. if you litter out the window he will make a U-turn to go back and make you pick it up

will not speed, will not honk unless someone is literally on fire, will not change the radio station unless everyone agrees

but if someone cuts him off? feral instincts engaged.

quietly competitive. if someone passes him, he WILL accelerate. you may hear growling. don’t question it.

8.5/10. safe, solid, dependable. would drive you home from a party and make sure you drank water first.

Azul

thinks driving is a power move. like. he paid extra for that quiet engine start just to flex

fully uses driving time to monologue about business deals, plans, or subtle threats. you’re not sure if you’re carpooling or in a hostage negotiation

signals three miles ahead. checks mirrors like he’s being tailed by the fbi. he might be

very good at navigating. if gps reroutes, he reroutes it back. he wins against the algorithm.

9/10, but unnerving. you’re safe, but at what cost.

Jade

why does he have a license. who allowed this.

drives like he’s setting up a prank for someone ten miles ahead

never speeds, but takes the creepiest, emptiest backroads imaginable. says it’s “more scenic”

always smiling while driving. concerningly calm if something explodes. probably listening to classical music or nature documentaries

6/10. legally fine. emotionally? you’re not coming back the same.

Floyd

no one is shocked he passed the test. everyone is shocked he was legally allowed to take it

drives according to mood. if he’s bored, the car drifts. if he’s happy, he’s swerving in rhythm to the beat. if he’s angry? start writing your will.

makes driving sounds while driving. “vroom vroom~ screeeee~” for no reason

WILL throw fries at other cars. WILL try to high-five a biker at a stoplight. WILL unbuckle his seatbelt to “stretch” mid-drive

3/10. you either have the best day of your life or a near-death experience. possibly both.

Kalim

loudest driver alive. music blaring, windows down, shouting "WHEEEE~!" every time he accelerates

constantly turns around to talk to people in the backseat. like fully turns around. while driving.

forgets he’s not in a flying carpet. every stop sign is an opportunity to launch forward like it’s a joyride

someone told him roundabouts are fun so he goes around twice. just for the vibes.

4/10. he loves driving. driving does not love him back. you’re clutching the oh-shit handle the whole time.

Jamil

the only reason scarabia hasn’t been sued for vehicular crimes

drives like a tired single parent with 4 kids in the back screaming about McDonald's

SPEEDS when no one’s watching. you blink, he’s five miles ahead. shadow clone jutsu behind the wheel.

has memorized every traffic light timer in the city. never hits red. it’s… weird.

9/10. efficient, smooth, and will absolutely sigh dramatically the whole time you’re in the car.

Vil

drives a clean car. spotless. smells like luxury perfume and judgment

interior is curated. no trash. no crumbs. one water bottle and it’s aesthetically pleasing.

signals aggressively. like he flips that blinker with intent

will slow down to give you a Look if you’re in the wrong outfit to be seen with him

8/10. elegant and competent, but if you scuff his interior with your shoes, you’re walking.

Rook

who gave him a license. seriously. who looked at this man and went “yes. let him command a machine.”

sings full operas while driving. makes direct eye contact through the rearview mirror. unsettling.

has taken you on backroads even you didn’t know existed. somehow it was scenic.

talks like he’s narrating a wildlife documentary about the local traffic patterns

???/10. is he a good driver? no one knows. he’s just... driving.

Epel

lives for off-roading. doesn’t matter if he’s in a prius, he’s driving that baby like it’s a monster truck

drives like a 90-year-old when vil’s in the car. drives like he’s in a nascar trial when vil’s not

says “it’s fine, I’ve done this before” and proceeds to take a left turn at 70 mph

threatens to do donuts in the parking lot and then does them.

5/10. he’s trying his best. unfortunately, his best involves sick tricks and zero concern for tire life.

Idia

doesn’t.

has a license “for legal reasons,” but he treats driving like going outside is the final boss battle

owns a tricked-out car he never drives. it has led lights, anime decals, and a built-in gaming console. he uses it as a portable man cave

the one (1) time he did drive, he wore fingerless gloves, anime osts were blasting, and he whispered “initial D style” before forgetting which pedal was the brake

2/10. technically can drive. emotionally should not. you’re safer ubering with floyd.

Ortho

doesn't technically need a license but downloaded the entire dmv handbook into his memory for fun

his “car” is less “vehicle” and more “sentient ai-controlled hovercraft with wifi and snacks”

offers in-flight entertainment. like you’re not even on a plane. he just projects movies on the dashboard

drives at optimal efficiency.

11/10. the future of driving. terrifying and amazing. please stop letting him hack traffic lights though.

Malleus

he has a license. he studied for it. memorized the entire rulebook. aced the written.

the problem is: he drives like he's never seen another car before

goes 25 in a 60 because “it is the safest way to protect my precious cargo” (YOU)

stares at traffic lights like they personally offended him

car is some luxury vintage thing that makes no sense. you have to open the door with a key made of bone or something

3/10. you are deeply loved. and deeply late.

Lilia

drives like he’s lived through every era of vehicular invention. he owned a horse-drawn carriage and a tank

owns a beat-up, pink minivan with a custom wrap and dice in the mirror

speeds. aggressively. will swerve into the drive-thru and order fifty mcnuggets “for the road”

talks with both hands while driving. both. hands.

4/10. unpredictable. fun. chaos incarnate. your insurance company hates him.

Silver

good driver. responsible driver.

...except for the part where he falls asleep at stop signs

you’ll be halfway through a deep conversation and he’ll just nod off with his foot on the brake

car is clean, smells like lavender, and has one (1) emergency granola bar in every compartment

very gentle driver. almost too gentle. like “you didn’t feel the turn because he was spiritually aligned with the wheel” kind of gentle

6.5/10. smooth ride, but someone needs to keep him awake with snacks and playlist bangers.

Sebek

shouldn’t be allowed behind the wheel.

drives like he’s been assigned to escort the royal heir through enemy territory

yells at everyone on the road. pedestrians, squirrels, YOU—no one is safe from his critiques of your seatbelt position

insists on narrating everything. “SIGNALING LEFT. NOW SWITCHING LANES. REMAIN ALERT!”

the gps is set to his own voice. and you can’t turn it off

2/10. the only thing louder than the engine is his righteous fury.

Grim

that’s a cat.

(he tries to drive. he sits on the wheel. honks the horn with his butt. chews the seatbelt. it's a warzone in there.)

this was so fun to do lmao

#sol answers #twst #twisted wonderland #twst headcanons #sol hcs

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nevereclipse · 7 days ago

Text

Still An Innocent

Pairing: fatws!Bucky Barnes x oblivious!fem!reader (pre relationship)

Word count: 1.9k

Summary: You're the barista at Bucky's local coffee shop. You become fast friends, and Bucky cherishes that you don't care about his past. Until he's assaulted for his crimes in front of you and he quickly realises that you don't know what he's done.

Warnings: innocent/ditzy/oblivious reader, discussions of bucky's time as the Winter Soldier, trauma, bucky hating himself, me pretending alpine exists, coffee shop au kinda, some asshat pours hot coffee on bucky for existing :(

Requested: yes, here by my love @fluentmoviequoter. i don't think i got the ditzyness quiet there but hope you like it <33

A/N: bonus points to anyone who figures out the taylor swift song this is based on and gets the references (its very obvious). also my first bucky fic so BE NICE.

---

“For the last time, ma’am, we don’t serve frappucinos here. If you want one of those, you’ll have to go to the Starbucks across the street.” You repressed the urge to roll your eyes as the woman across the counter from you started a tirade about how you really should be selling ‘basic drinks’ like Frappucinos and Strawberry Cobblers – whatever the hell that was. She ended her speech by storming out of the store and declaring you’d lost a costumer, to which you mouthed ‘good’ to yourself.

You took a moment, pinched the bridge of your nose, before plastering a smile across your face and looking up to the new costumer in front of you.

“Hi, sir,” you started, “I’m sorry about her.” Your eyes flicked over the man’s face, taking in his dark hair, shorn short, and icy blue eyes. He was… wow. And in a leather jacket too? It seemed like God was making up for your shitty previous customer.

“It’s fine,” the man said, a dull smile tugging at his lips. “You probably weren’t mad to see her go, huh?”

You bit back a smile, trying to maintain some professionalism. “It wasn’t the worst part of my day, no,” you admitted. The man in front of you hummed, shifting slightly to pull down the sleeve of his jacket. You caught a glimpse of something dark and shiny beneath the leather but didn’t pay it much attention. “What can I get started for you?”

“A medium flat white, please,” He answered, and you almost sighed in relief at his normal order. You had too many bizarre, impossible ones already and you might’ve thrown him out if he’d tried to order something too crazy.

“No problem. What sort of milk?”

The customer frowned. “Are there… different types?”

“Of course,” you chuckled gently, “We can do full cream, skim, lactose free, oat, almond, s-.”

“Just milk from a cow, please.” He cut you off, but it wasn’t aggressive, more… confused. Not that you minded, of course. Though you could’ve sworn you heard him mutter to himself about there only being one type of milk in the forties.

“Perfect!” You smiled, “That’ll be $5.40. Can I grab a name for that one?” You looked up at the man in front of you, meeting his eyes over the till. God, they really were the most startling, icy blue.

“Uh, Bucky,” replied the costumer. Where had you heard that name before? Bucky… holy shit. You glanced back down and realised that the black shiny thing you’d seen was a hand. A metal hand.

Your jaw dropped. “As in Bucky Barnes?”

Bucky’s shoulders tensed, if metal could really tense, and his jaw set into a hard line like he was expecting confrontation. “Yes, that Bucky,” he said dully, waiting for the fight. What he wasn’t expecting you to say was:

“Holy shit, you’re a hero!”

“I, uh,…” Bucky floundered, thrown off by your words. When was the last time someone, let alone a beautiful woman, had called him a hero? Never, surely. But the tension slowly released from his shoulders and, slightly unsure what to say in response, he stuttered out, “Um. Where- where do I pay?”

“Oh, no, please,” You waved away his hand, clicking a button to push through his order, “It’s on the house.”

The frown was back, a perfect crease between two blue eyes, “I can pay, miss, it’s-.”

“I insist.” You cut him off. “Your coffee will be out soon.”

“I-.” Bucky paused, nodded, swallowed. “Thank you.”

As he walked away, coffee in hand, Bucky couldn’t help but let his mind wander back to you. The way your eyes had sparkled as you handed him his coffee, the way your smile lit up your whole face. The awe in your eyes when you realised who he was. Awe, not fear. Admiration, even.

He started going to the café every day, just for the chance to talk to you. To feel like- like something other than a monster. You started having actual conversations with him. You learnt that he had a tiny white kitten one day when you accidentally saw his phone lockscreen. He learnt that you were the eldest of three children, and that you grew up in Chicago before you moved out to Brooklyn. He quickly became your favourite costumer, though your hero worship of him dissolved quickly as he became less Avenger and more human to you. Once, you asked him if he’d ever met Frank Sinatra.

He laughed and rolled his eyes.

“Is it heavy?” You asked once, nodding at Bucky’s arm. You were sitting with him on your break, drinking a coffee of your own across the table from him. “It looks heavy.”

Bucky always got awkward when you talked about the arm. You didn’t get it, really. The black vibranium was, frankly, gorgeous, and he’d only ever used it to help people. This one, anyway.

“Um… not really. I’m used to it, and vibranium’s a pretty light metal, so…” Bucky looked down, focusing intently on the sandwich you’d dropped in front of him.

“Hmm,” you hummed in consideration, “Does it make fighting easier? Saving people? Surely, right? Cause you can do all this extra stuff.”

Bucky shifted uncomfortably as you rattled off questions, and when you looked back at him, your smile dropped instantly.

“I- I’m sorry, I’m pushing. You don’t have to tell me-.” You scrambled for an apology, hating the way tension sat in Bucky’s whole frame at your questions.

“No, it’s fine, doll. It’s, uh, not the easiest thing to talk about.” It wasn’t a lie, per se. But the real, full truth was that Bucky simply couldn’t comprehend you talking about the arm like it was- it was a power of something. Something he used for good. Not all the things he didn’t that he could barely speak about but revisited him every night in his dreams.

You didn’t ask Bucky about the arm again after that. But you didn’t understand his shame around it. Not really, anyway. Sure, he’d done bad things with the one Hydra had given him, but that wasn’t him, not in any way that mattered. And it wasn’t the arm he wore – wore? – anymore. Still, you dropped it. In fact, you dropped anything even related to Bucky-the-soldier, instead focusing on Bucky-the-person that you were quickly falling for.

That was, until, someone else brought it up for you.

It was September 27th when it happened. Bucky had been visiting you for months, and you’d started spending nearly all your breaks with him. If he didn’t hurry up and ask you out soon, you’d do it for him.

Anyway. It was the middle of a rush, and Bucky was waiting patiently for you to be free in the table he always sat in. He’d pulled off his glove to better turn the pages of his newspaper (he’s such an old man, you thought to yourself whenever you saw him flicking through the pages), and his metal hand sat visible on the edge of the table. His dog tags had slipped out from under his shirt.

You hadn’t even noticed it happen, not until you heard him curse. Someone had walked straight over to him and poured their freshly ordered espresso onto his chest while giving him a dirty look. You didn’t hear what he said, too busy trying to drown out the ringing in your ears that had suddenly started, but from the way Bucky’s face flickered then shut down, you could guess.

You excused yourself from serving your customer, called over a coworker and raced to Bucky, grabbing a handful of napkins on your way. In an instant, you were seated beside him and patting at his chest.

“Hi,” you said, concern lacing your words, “Are you okay? What the fuck was that about?” You pat Bucky’s chest gently, sopping up the remaining coffee.

Bucky shook his head, “’S nothing, doll. Don’t worry about it.”

You pulled back, “The fuck do you mean ‘it’s nothing?’ He just assaulted you!”

“It’s okay. Nothing I didn’t deserve,” Bucky murmured.

“Bucky.” You deadpanned, “Are you kidding? What could you possibly have done to deserve that? What did he say to you?”

A dull shrug, “The usual. Called me ‘Soldier,’ said I should’ve been, uh, ‘put down.’”

Called him Soldier? If you weren’t focused on comforting Bucky – though he seemed insistent on denying you – you would’ve chased down his attacker and punched him. Instead, you focused on “’The usual?’ What do you mean – Buck, does this happen often?”

He nodded slowly, unable to meet your eyes. “There’s a lotta people angry at me, doll.”

You frowned, confused, “What on Earth for?”

Bucky looked at you then, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “I am- was the Winter Soldier.” He forced the name out like it was glass in his throat, like he deserved every bit of coffee spilt on him and anything else anyone wanted to give him.

It didn’t help.

“So what? You’re not the Winter Soldier anymore, right? Right. So why does it matter?”

Bucky continued to stare. “I’m a murderer.”

You chuckled, “Bucky, don’t be ridiculous.” You swiped at his chest again before setting down the napkin.

And then he frowned. And a fear overwhelmed him as he realised that you didn’t know. You didn’t know what he’d done, that’s why you’d never been scared of him. He considered lying – of course he considered it. But, God, he was falling for you, and he couldn’t be with someone who didn’t… who didn’t know. So he took your hand, with his flesh hand and held it. “What do you think I did, as the Winter Soldier?” He asked slowly.

You shrugged, “I didn’t really think about it. Spy shit, I assumed.”

Something shattered in Bucky. God, he was really going to have to do this, huh? He said your name gently. “I was an assassin. I killed- God, I killed hundreds of people. That’s why that man – why so many people – hate me. Why I deserve their hatred. It wasn’t me who did it, Hydra brainwashed me, but I still did it. I was the Winter Soldier, even if I’m… not now.”

You paused, digesting the information. What did you say to that? Eventually, you settled on, “So?”

Bucky did a visible double take. “What do you mean ‘so?’ I killed people, doll.”

You shook your head. “No, the Winter Soldier killed people. Bucky, you aren’t… who you are is not what you did back then. What they made you do.” You frowned, “People shouldn’t hate you for something you couldn’t control. That’s dumb.”

Bucky just stared at you like you were something holy. “You don’t care?” He asked softly, reverently.

“Why would I care? I care about you, Buck. The real you. No one should hate you; you don’t deserve it. Anyone who does is an idiot.” With a soft smile on his face, Bucky squeezed your hand. He opened his mouth to thank you, but nothing came out. He couldn’t find the words to express the relief he felt at your forgiveness, if he could even call it that. You smiled back, squeezed his hand in return, and despite his coffee-stained shirt and his attacker’s words still ringing in his ears, on that Wednesday afternoon in a softly lit coffee shop, he felt safe. And more to than safe, he felt like maybe, just maybe, he was good.

fin

feedback is fuel my loves!! hope you enjoyed

#never rambles #never writes #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x reader fluff #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes x you #mcu #marvel #marvelposting #requests #fluentmoviequoter

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homestead-akatsuka · 3 months ago

Text

𓆣 picnicking 𓆣

bit the bullet and put my friend ava and i's ososan ocs in; bug motifed mullet guy is joro, greasy-haired bearded guy is akira :-)c !

anyways (lies in an open field and waits to get shot)

transparents of joro and akira under the cut ;-9

the kanpai! designs from the 2019 ensky hobby calendar will always be one of my favorite osmt merch lines so i wanted to draw something with kuroba based on it.

now, he can cheers with kara ( or anyone else if ya'll wanna draw your ocs hanging out with kuroba. 🤭 )

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crheativity · 11 months ago

Note

Mc/Yuu that when given genuine affection from their friends such as a small gift or just being told that they enjoy being around them, they just get really quiet and look at their friend with shock and disbelief, tearing up a little bit and just going "...oh..." in a real small voice.

Bonus points if they're not usually emotional like this.

It would be fun if it was the overblot gang since they just got some gifts themselves, or maybe ADeuce duo...idk man, I just want some wholesome friendship, I feel like there aren't enough fics like that in this fandom-

WARNINGS: Can be read as platonic or romantic, some of these might be longer/shorter than others, all of them care about you but (almost) all of them are bad with Emotions. also there are slight references to book 6 in Idia’s section if you squint

COMMENTS: AWH this is such a cute idea! And yes, there should definitely be more wholesome, platonic fics! Also, sorry these are short D:

Wait, crap, you’re tearing up? He just got you a present- are you okay?? He’s low key worried about you, unsure if this is just you being extremely excited about his (amazing) gift or if there’s something else going on. Either way, he’s quick to figure it out and reassure you as best he can. He’s torn between feeling bad about making you cry and being happy you liked his present so much. Either way, he pulls you into a hug and rubs patterns into your back until you feel better.

You’re crying?! Ohhhh crap oh crap oh crap- he doesn’t know what to do! Was his present that bad-? Once you reassure him and tell him you love it, he relaxes a little bit but is still clearly distressed. He isn’t very good at figuring out why you’re reacting this way, but his genuine care for you shines through and helps you feel a little more comfortable in his own way.

Wh-what?? Did he do something wrong-? He did a bunch of research, so he had assumed that this gift would be something you’d appreciate, not tear up over! Riddle is. Confused. And scared. He’s new to this whole “having friends” thing, and he thinks very highly of you, so the thought of messing up is pretty scary. He’s at quite a loss of what to do. When you reassure him and tell him you’re okay, he’s very relieved. He makes a note of how much you appreciated the gift and is determined to do more for you. If he has to get used to having friends, he wants you to get used to receiving the affection you deserve, too.

Awh, come on. You’re seriously tearing up over this? He ruffles your hair affectionately, giving you space to process your emotions while staying nearby. He doesn’t quite get what all the fuss is about - all he knows is he got you something and then you “exploded into tears” (you did not, he’s exaggerating). He sits with you until you feel better and tries to think of ways he could give you stuff without you “freaking out” like this. Maybe some money left in your pockets would be a good idea…

As soon as you tear up, he wants to go hide in his octo-pot. He knew it, it was a stupid idea. He should’ve gone with the other present idea, maybe then you’d be less disappointed. If you even still want to be friends with him after this. The moment you explain that you’re really happy, however, his mood does a complete 180, attempting to both comfort you and gloat a little at the same time. He would pat you a little awkwardly on the shoulder, wanting to express he appreciated your vulnerability. He’s definitely making notes on things he could spoil you with.

He freezes. Dang, he thought it was something you’d like. If not, that’s okay, he did keep the receipt. You can take it back to the store and get a refund if you’d- oh? You liked it? He’s another one that would try to comfort you and feel smug at the same time. The thought of making anyone but particularly you so happy is a little jarring to him, and your way of expressing emotions is definitely unexpected, but he’s glad he got you this. Maybe he’ll get you something better next time.

For once, Vil is speechless. For a moment he just kinda stands there in surprise, before sweeping you into his arms for a hug - completely ignoring how his clothes might crinkle. He didn’t think you would react that way, and - although he’s pretty sure you’re happy - he wants to comfort you anyway. Once you confirm you’re actually happy, he thinks your reaction is sweet and endearing and pure. He’s definitely buying you more things if this is your reaction to it,

The moment you say “oh” and start to tear up he’s internally going say sike rn. Bro was not prepared for Emotions. He can hardly handle his own feelings, why’d fate dump him with someone else’s?! Especially since they belong to someone he cares about. He’s not real good with other people, let alone taking care of them. He wishes Ortho was here - he could google Top 10 Ways To Comfort A Friend Who Randomly Starts Crying. Idia kinda just ends up patting your entire head awkwardly and saying “there there” through his tablet. He knows it’s pathetic, okay?

He’s utterly confused. He followed the Human Customs of buying a gift for someone you care about, why are you displaying a negative reaction? Was the gift not satisfactory? Lilia said this would be enough, although perhaps he should’ve gone with his original plan and bought you significantly more. Were you perhaps disappointed? Once you reassure him, he almost laughs. He thinks your reaction was very cute, he will be buying you significantly more things. Prepare yourself.

♥Thank you for reading!! I hope you enjoyed it!!♥

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