#blue android dog

[letoshepard]

Not usually one to cross-post from my pet sites to tumblr, but why not?

Hosting an art competition on Chickensmoothie with multiple UR and List prizes! Includes UR Pastel Dog, Bee, Marionette & more. Each contestant will also receive a complimentary Rare+ pet from the gift pool upon posting their entry. I hope to see you enter ❤️

CS username is Sarcastic Hawke.

[sourmagic]

Juniper

cinnamon tangerine's nsfw alt, juniper!

[kachowden]

Darling making Jessie watch while they change after he spilled coffee on them for the nth time. No touching allowed

“Quit twitching. I can hear your circuits running from over here.”

“I-I’m not twitching..” The blue haired android whimpered back, mechanical eyes locked unnervingly onto your figure.

This had happened six times now, and you were “beginning” to think it was on purpose. Originally, Jessie, your “Manager”, would spill a cup of jo on you every once in a while, usually when you’d startle him or get too close when he wasn’t paying attention. The bot had always been pretty buggy, so you tried to ignore it.

But after the time you had to change on the spot, having already packed a spare shirt, Jessie’s “accidents” became a little too frequent.

Every week, without fail, a cup of surprisingly lukewarm coffee would find its way onto your lap, and everytime, without fail, your perverted android would stutter out an apology, and offer to take your shirt for you, and then help you re-dress.

You weren’t stupid. You noticed that those shirts he took away to “clean” never actually made it down to the uniform department.

So this time, after having been accosted by a stuttery bot, and a chest soaked with coffee and cream, you figured that some kind of a punishment was in order. At the very least so you could maintain some form of balance in this god forsaken office.

“Stop inching closer, I said no touching.”

The pathetic droid whined in a glitchy way, his synthetic eyes welling a little bit with equally synthetic tears, made to cool down his burning blue cheeks. You knew this was a special type of torture for Jessie, the bot who always seemed to have a finger or receptor in contact with you at all times.

“I- I can still take it to the wash when you’re done right?” He tried to bargain, giving you such sad puppy dog eyes that you almost considered it.

But you didn’t. And when the last button to your new shirt popped on, you tossed your old one into the trash shoot, and watched in strange fascination as your shameless boss nearly lunged from his chair, if not for your order to stay still binding him down.

“Lesson learned?”

“…yes, B-75..”

“Good. Now get me some Coffee, need something to cure this stress headache.”

“I can-“

“No.”

[webdollzz]

a/n: me n my best baby @earth222abi were talking about this on tiktok and I js had to form a post 🧘🏻‍♀️

warnings: none, headcanons rly

this man can and will come home with random strays at any given moment. dogs, cats, you name it, hes brought it back to his canal boat. including a "hamster" (it was a fucking mouse)

cat distribution system LOVES him. "don' mind these, they jus' a couple o' squatters" and its 4 cats sleeping on his floor, table, bed and worktop living their best lives. if he doesn't see a "regular" as he calls them, on a boring patrol night he'll search for them in usual places because he's so worried.

I think he permanently adopted a stray blue staffy & he just annoys TF outta that poor dawg cuz he loves it. (like this)

can, will & does send you those tiktoks he gets on his fyp with 2 likes of some old tosser on their 2014 android and says "litch me". also sends those tiktoks where its like "you belong to me😈😈" and he fully is just an absolute dickhead with annoying you. (abi damn near killed me for sending those tiktoks)

BUT if you do it back n call this man kitten or sum fucking shit he WILL stare at you sooooo fed up. "only funny when I do it." alr double standards.

carves your initials into his guitar.

fully steals feminine hygiene products for you if you're afab, binders & chest tape if ur ftm, what u want, this man gets. fuck big businesses and that.

loves when you two wander around town at xmas time when theres all those little stalls up.

he pokes ur waist. everytime he sees an opportunity, done. snorts to himself when you yelp.

....he loves a good bubble bath I'm sorry. being spiderman means having achey muscles all the live long day so if you run him a nice bubble bath this man will love you for the rest of his damn life. (even though he would either way.)

on that subject, he too gangly for a shower, the shower doesn't go high enough so he either hunches or uses his webs to put it higher (and that pisses u off if ur shorter) and his knobbly ahh knees poke out the bath sometimes but he too busy in his world to gaf. (you're sat on the toilet watching him and just giggling ur ass off)

he loves sewing. his "nanny" definitely taught him when he was just a lil geezer which is how he has all his patches and badges on his clothes, he put them on himself! only sews in the way his grandmother showed him to honour her, and refuses point blank to do it any other way, even if they're easier/sturdier. trust in great mrs brown.

loves picking you literal weeds out the ground with some daisies and presenting them like they're a 10/10 bouquet with a FAT lopsided grin on his face.

if you yawn infront of him I feel like sometimes he'll just blow air into your mouth briefly before carrying on with his business. idk. he's just got such annoying older brother energy and I feel like that's js what he'd do.

thanks for coming to my ted talk!

© WEBDOLLZZ 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒.

[bump1nthen1ght]

Between the Neon (Male!Android x AFAB!Reader)

Pairing: AFAB!Reader x Male!Robot

Genre: Sci-fi, CyberPunk, Prostitute!Reader, Fluffy Smut

Word Count: 1714 words

Warning: Explicit Content Ahead (18+ ONLY)

Summary: After leaving his last appointment completely satisfied, Axel wasted no time in coming back to request more of your services.

Request: Anything with Axel please! (From kinktober)

A/N: Soooo I totally forgot that the original drabble with Axel (Which you can find here) was gender neutral, and didn’t realize until I had fully written out the fic 🤦‍♀️. Soo I decided to write two versions, one with an AFAB!Reader and one with an AMAB!Reader, with the reader still using they/them pronouns. Hope y’all enjoy!

Link to AMAB!Reader is Here!

After many years of working, you’ve grown a good sense for customers; Who will tip well, who’s going to cause problems, and the special few who will become your favorites.

You knew immediately that Axel was going to go in the latter category. But what you hadn’t expected was for him to jump to your #1 patron within a month of your first rendezvous. Man was eager and had some money to spend, that was for sure.

“Hmm, good bot.” Your thumb rubs across his smooth skull-plating, moaning as his synthetic tongue fucks against your g-spot. His vents exhale hot steam, like a heating pad between your legs. He had gotten that body mod after three sessions together, something to prevent him  from overheating amidst the countless orgasms. The nodes of textured tongue send shivers down your spine, making you sink into your plush work bed. “Fuck, your getting good at this, Axel.”

Axel had learned on his second visit that your pussy was his favorite flavor, always begging for a taste at the beginning of every session. He had been slightly clumsy at first, but once he learned your biology, he took it up like a dedicated scholar. You had even caught him looking at extensive diagrams of the human vulva after one session, making notes on what made you specifically shiver and cum.

“I’m close, baby.” Axel moans into your mound, face lit in bright blue blush. Machinery whirrs as your thighs press into the sides of his head, his own personal heaven. Your toes curl behind his neck, orgasm striking quick and hard “Fuck~” You pant, hips jerking and humping into Axel’s jaw, your juices running down his chin. He laps them up like a dog, always desperate for another taste.

You have to pull him away from your cunt, slightly overstimulated and eager for the next part of your session. Axel has a stupid wide grin on his face, his digital pupils turned into glitchy hearts.

What a cutie.

You kiss Axel’s cheek as he crawls up your body, letting him snuggle into your neck and hug you with sticky hands.

“I wanna try something new today.” You whisper in his audial port. Axel whimpers.

“Yes p-please.” He lets you pull away from the embrace, obediently following orders to sit on the edge of the bed. Axel is always quick to try new things, desperately excited to explore your body and all its new sensations.

You remember the first time you rode him, how his glitchy voice echoed across your apartment. 

“O-o-oh stars!”

His hands had struggled choosing between gripping your hips and fondling your tits, watching all of you bounce in his dick. That dilemma was solved when you flipped into reverse cowgirl and he was able to palm your jiggling ass cheeks.

“You’re incredible! Incredible!” He had yelped as he overloaded inside you, licking your thighs clean of cum right after. He then spent the next 20 minutes caressing your butt, watching the way it wiggled with every hip movement.

That's what inspired you tonight.

You flip around to your stomach, holding your weight on your elbows and shimmying your hips. Your fingers come down to your pussy lips and spread them wide open. 

“Come here, baby.”

Axel scrambles up the bed, aching cock in his grip, lemon-lime coolant dripping down the shaft. He’s quick to line up with your hole, but doesn’t sink in just yet. He never does without permission.

Good boy.

“Now put your hands on my hips.” Your voice guides him along, shaky digits glancing across your pelvis. His leaking tip pressed against your entrance, so close to just slipping inside you. Another burst of air comes from his vents.

“Now's the fun part.” Settling into your knees, you throw your ass back onto Axel, cock sliding in like a hot knife through butter. His digits leave indents on your love handles, his voice glitching.

“Fu-uck!” He pants, his eyes going cross from the sudden grip on his dick. Your velvety walls hold him tight, his nodes rubbing as he his hips jump a little. You smirk, swiveling your hips.

“You gotta good grip back there?” Your voice purrs, and you take Axel’s lusty moans as a definite ‘yes’. 

Axel’s voice melts into whines as you slide him out till the tip, only to shriek and glitch when you throw your ass back on to him. You give him little time to recover, using his hands for stability to throw it back and over and over onto his cock. Streams of coolant run down his cock and between your pussy lips, sloshing together with skin and wiring.

“Oh, stars and galaxies~” Axel moans, leaning his torso forward to help his balance. “You feel so go-od.” Axel's tongue lolls out in a pant, more steam pumping from his vents. “That ass.” His voice teeters off, hands wandering down to your jiggling backside.

“You wanna slap it, Axel?” You swivel your hips again, core clenching as you put an extra shimmy in your hips.

“Y-yes. Will that h-hurt you-ungh!” 

Your pussy walls clench onto Axel’s cock, bottom lip bitten between your teeth at the idea.

“No, baby. I want it.”

A mixture between a delighted giggle and a ravenous moan squeal from Axel’s audial ports. One hand moves from your hips to your ass, never leaving the skin. He gives a tentative squeeze, mindful of his robotic strength, before giving you a soft tap. It’s sweet, but you crave more. 

“You can do it harder, Axel. In fact….”

You pause your bouncing, craving to see Axel’s expression. His cheeks grow bright with his coolant, his pupils flickering back and forth between the arch of your back and your face.

“Why’d you stop?”

“Patience, sweet thing.” You grip onto the bedspread below, adjusting your knees upward into proper doggy style. “Here, grab onto my hips again.” Axel follows your instructions dutifully, finding his palace on your pelvis. His plating shudders as you rock forward, pulling his cock out to the tip. Axel rushes to follow, hands still in place, but resists. “Okay, now pull me back. Like I was doing before.”

There’s an audible click as Axel turns his head, slightly confused. But as always he’s an obedient boy, and does as he’s told.

He goes slow, still timid and unsure. But a crackling groan from his chest tells you he’s catching on quickly as pulls you back onto his cock.

“Ok, now pull out a bit.”

Big globs of coolant drop down your pussy and onto Axel’s shaft as he does, another shudder. His digits shale against your skin.

“Now, pull me back and push your hips up.”

Axel increases his pace a bit, impatience finally getting to him, chasing your warmth. A texture head bumps against your g-spot, and you make sure to emphasize your moan.

“Again.” 

Axel, ever the fast learner, humps into you again, nodes scraping along your inner walls with a little more force. You bite your lip.

“Again, faster.”

Your right hand spreads forward, knuckles clenching into the fabric. Axel, ever the quick learner, thrusts again with more gusto. Another crackling moan from behind you. He doesn’t wait for your instruction, following the unspoken and humping into you.

“Yes, just like that.”

Axel is quick in finding his rhythm, engines whirring as his hips speed up. Your cheap mattress squeaks, bed frame now hitting the wall as Axel throws his weight into you.

“Oh, yes.” Axel moans, eyes transfixed by you jiggling ass, jiggling because of him.

“Ungh, right there!” Your neck arches backward, mouth open wide with your tongue sticking out. Axel’s head easily find your g-spot with every hit, even as Axel himself grows more frantic. Mechanical parts that you’ve never heard from him before kick into gear, helping him move with more and more force.

“Ooo-oh!” Axel digits grow slick on your sweat, struggling to find a grip. But he doesn’t care, clawing into the fat and chasing the high of your cunt on his cock. Cum and fluids spatter onto your ass cheeks, even reach your lower back as Axel fucks you hard and fast.

“Slap my ass!”

This time the mix of adrenaline and lust are too much, overloading Axel’s more gentler sensibilities, and he gives you a proper spank. The noise echoes across the room.

“Fuck!” Your pussy milks him for all his worth. Axels digits rub across the handprint do doubt on your skin, right before slapping the other side just as hard. “Yes! Yes!”

Your headboard crashes into your wall now, shaking the very foundations of your shitty apartment. The gears in Axel’s legs work overtime, and you're sure the only thing that could stop him now would be his own orgasm, not any kind of exhaustion.

Speaking of which-

“Fuck, I’m gonna cum. W-where do you want-”

“Inside, creampie me!”

It’s like a password, sending Axel into a whole new mode of fucking. His cockhead pounds the very end of your pussy, hands knotting into your ass. You feel a buzzing running up your stomach and down your legs. Your skin feels like it's on fire.

“So good, so good, so good.” Axel’s voice babbles, no amount of steam for  his vents preventing the rising heat in his wiring. “Oh, stars”

An explosion of cum bursts in your cunt, filling you up like a sex toy, spurting out of the sides. You reach your high at that moment, toes curling and pussy flexing onto Axel’s cock.

The poor bot nearly collapses after he pulls out, his modesty plate shuddering to close as his temperature warning beep goes off. He falls onto his side, arm thrown over his face. 

It takes you a while to catch your breath, trying to remember the last time a client left you this cock-drunk. Once you do, you sidle up to Axel, enjoying the excess warmth of his body, like a giant heating pad.

“That was….awesome.”

Axel pants, arm slipping under your hips to pull you closer. His system beeps again, no doubt sending him advisories to push your hot, warm-blooded body away. But those are quickly deflected, Axel nuzzling his face into your hair.

Yup, definitely one of your favorites.

[yanderecrazysie]

Rhododendron (Yandere Android! Oikawa and Iwaizumi)

Part 2 of the Flower Language Series

I got these meanings from the internet, so some may be wrong. Sorry if that is the case, but please ignore my mistakes.

Please do not request the Flower Language Series.

Title: Rhododendron

Pairings: Oikawa Tooru x Reader; Iwaizumi Hajime x Reader

WARNINGS: Yandere themes, murder

Flower meaning: Danger, beware

Summary: There’s something off about your husband’s new androids.

“I know you don’t like me bringing home work, but this is going to blow your mind,” your husband said, one hand on your shoulders as he led you through the apartment to the living room, one hand over your eyes. 

You had a half-smile on your lips, “This has to do with your ‘top secret new project’, doesn’t it?” 

You came to a stop and he removed his hand from your eyes, saying, “You tell me.”

A gasp left your lips. In your doorway stood two tall, rather attractive men with their eyes closed. After a moment, something struck you as off about them, though you couldn’t put your finger on what it was. Maybe it was the way their skin shone under the fluorescent lights. Or maybe, the fact that their skin had no flaws whatsoever and their faces had perfect symmetry.

You spotted your husband’s company’s logo on their matching blue shirts and realization hit you.

“They’re- they’re robots, aren’t they?”

“Androids,” your husband was practically glowing, “I designed them myself. What do you think?”

“They look so real…” you left out the part where you found that to be very creepy.

“Just wait until they open their eyes,” your husband replied eagerly, misreading your hesitation, “The one on the left is called ‘Oikawa’. His model is designed for housekeeping and basic chores. The one on the right is ‘Iwaizumi’, and he’s kind of like an android guard dog.”

“And they’ll be… staying here?” you murmured, unsure of how you felt about their presence.

Your husband finally noticed that you were less than enthusiastic and began to squirm a little, “Well, yeah, just for a little while. They need to be tested so we can work out any bugs. They aren’t dangerous or anything, I promise.”

“And no one else can take them?” you asked in a small voice. You couldn’t help but shiver when you looked at them- something about them frightened you. Some part of you needed them gone.

The pained look on your husband’s face told you all you needed to know, and your heart sank. His voice was quiet when he spoke next, “I’m the lead designer on this project, so it’s required that I test them in a natural environment… I’m really sorry, honey.” 

You squared your shoulders and forced a smile to your face, “It’s fine. It’s totally fine.”

“It doesn’t sound fine.”

“Well, like you said, we don’t really have a choice,” you said, unable to keep the sourness out of your voice this time.

“I’ll turn them on,” your husband said softly, “Maybe you’ll warm up to them.”

“I hope so,” you sighed. You didn’t mean to be so unsupportive, but you had both agreed to keep your work at the office and, sometimes, it felt like only you held up your side of the promise. Not to mention, his “work” this time around was very unsettling.

“Oikawa, Iwaizumi, turn on,” your husband commanded.

Their eyes opened at the same time- one pair brown and playful, one pair green and serious. Both androids turned their attention to your husband instantly, but you couldn’t shake the feeling that they were somehow watching you at the same time.

“I’m adding another authorized user,” he continued. He pointed at you and the androids’ eyes snapped to look at you, making your stomach twist in displeasure, “This is my wife, (Y/n).”

Iwaizumi nodded and said, “Understood.” 

Oikawa, on the other hand, crossed the distance between you and held out his hand, a charming smile spreading across his face. You reluctantly let him take your hand in his and he lifted it to his lips. You shuddered at the coolness of his lips against the back of your hand. There was no warmth in his hands and lips. His “skin” was soft, but it lacked life.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, sweetie” he said, his voice as sweet as honey.

You took your hand out of his and drew it against your chest. You couldn’t bring yourself to answer, so you merely nodded, a shiver crawling up your spine at his pleased smile.

You noticed the eager smile on your husband’s face and felt bad that you couldn’t match his enthusiasm. However, you couldn’t tear your eyes away from the androids standing before you. Oikawa’s smile was unsettlingly perfect and Iwaizumi’s green eyes seemed to pierce through you. 

“Why don’t I show you what they can do?” your husband suggested excitedly, “Oikawa, clean please. Iwaizumi, check all the doors and windows please.”

“Yes, sir,” the androids said in unison. You watched as Oikawa began tidying up the kitchen, his movements as fluid as a human’s. Iwaizumi, on the other hand, began to check the house, locking the windows that you had forgotten about.

Your husband placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder, “See? They’re very helpful and you’ll barely notice they’re around.”

You highly doubted that you wouldn’t notice them, but you forced a smile, “I’m sure I’ll get used to it.”

—---------------------------------------------------------------

As the days passed, the androids seamlessly became a part of your household routine. Oikawa kept the house spotless, prepared meals, and engaged in small talk that was so eerily human-like that it unnerved you. Iwaizumi, on the other hand, rarely talked and guarded the front door and kept things locked up with military-like precision.

But the feeling of unease never stopped. Oikawa’s gaze always lingered on you for too long, and Iwaizumi seemed more interested in protecting you than your husband. You did your best to avoid being home when your husband was out.

One evening, you returned home from work to find the house unusually quiet. You were surprised that Oikawa was the one to let you in the house and lock the door behind you. It had always been Iwaizumi who did that.

“Good evening,” Oikawa said with a blindingly white-toothed smile, “How was your day, (Y/n)?”

“Good,” you replied, “Where’s Iwaizumi?”

“He’s outside, making sure everything is safe,” Oikawa said pleasantly, “What would you like for dinner?”

“I’m just going to rest, actually,” you said, “Is my husband home yet?”

“No, he is staying late at the office,” Oikawa replied.

That was odd, considering his big project was at the house and he was usually home early, working on the androids.

Oikawa’s head tilted, “You seem tense. Would you like a massage?”

You swallowed uneasily, “No thanks. I just want to rest. Alone.”

Oikawa nodded, but his intense gaze didn’t leave you as you hurried up the stairs and into your bedroom. You locked the door behind you, heart pounding. Something felt off, but you couldn’t figure out what it was.

Moments later, a knock sounded on the door. You froze, praying it wasn’t Oikawa. “Yes?” you called.

“It’s Iwaizumi,” the reply was muffled through the door, but his voice was steady, “I just wanted to let you know that you are safe now.”

“Thank you,” you said, feeling as though the words meant something deeper, “Good night.”

“Good night,” Iwaizumi replied. You listened for the sound of retreating footsteps down the stairs but the sound never came. He was still standing outside your door.

You pulled your phone out of your pocket and sent a text to your husband, asking when he’d be home. The wait for a response was excruciatingly long, but a reply finally came.

I’m still at the office, sweetie. Is everything okay?

You stared at the message for a full minute before you realized what it was that seemed off. He had never called you sweetie before. Suddenly, a memory resurfaced in your mind of Oikawa.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, sweetie.”

As you stood there, trying to make sense of it all, the door handle turned slightly, as if someone was testing it to see if it was locked. You stopped breathing for a moment before shakily calling out, “Iwaizumi, what are you doing?”

There was a long pause before he answered, “Please do not be alarmed, (Y/n). I must ensure your safety.”

Gathering your courage, desperate for answers and plagued by unease, you opened the door. Iwazumi’s eyes widened at the sight of you as you demanded, “Where is my husband?”

Iwaizumi’s gaze didn’t leave you, “Your husband is at work, overseeing additional development.”

You frowned, “Iwaizumi has anything… changed in your programming recently?”

A flicker of something crossed Iwaizumi’s face, “Our job has always been to ensure your safety and happiness.”

“And what about my husband’s safety and happiness?”

Iwaizumi’s eyes narrowed, “His safety is secondary to yours.”

A shiver shot down your spine and you quickly pushed past him, hurrying down the stairs. There was something you needed to know.

Oikawa was standing in the kitchen. Not cleaning or cooking, just standing there as though he were waiting for you to come down the stairs, a smile plastered on his face.

You headed for the door, ready to get in your car and get the hell out of your house and away from the androids, but Oikawa blocked your path.

“Out of my way!” you snapped.

“Where are you going?” Oikawa asked sweetly, “You aren’t safe out there, you know.”

“I need to talk to my husband, in person.”

Oikawa’s smile twisted into a victorious grin, “Why don’t you video call him right now?”

You shakily pulled out your phone, “Why a video call?”

“Then you’ll know we aren’t changing our voices to pretend to be him!” Oikawa said with a small chuckle. 

You weren’t even aware they could do something like that. At least he’s being honest. You reassured yourself.

You pressed the video call option on your husband’s contact page and waited. It took a moment for you to comprehend what was on the other side of the screen.

When you did, you screamed, mind branded forever with the sight of the remains of your husband.

Behind you, Oikawa began to laugh.

[ceilidho]

Ok if this doesn't sound like an idea you'd be interested in then disregard, i don't want to bother you 🙂 BuT! It's been itching the back of my brain since forced throuple au and creepy-apartment!ghost has compounded it so:

Forced throuple but a sort of android verse with some body snatching horror thrown in for flavor. Reader's husband (Soapy boy) dies suddenly and in their grief a lot of stuff has gone into disrepair, so they mail order an android to help around the house and with crippling loneliness. The company sends Ghost, a refurbished security model now named Simon, and he ends up being pretty helpful despite the silent brooding. Hell, sometimes that even helps as scary dog privilege so you let it slide (big mistake dumby, that android is falling for you in the process of taking care of you ohhh no-).

But maybe Ghosts old security features make him super observant (obsessive) paired with his new "fix it" code make him come to the conclusion that, actually, reader could still use her husband and mail orders a Soap-bot-3000 without letting them know :O. Watch the horror unfold as Reader wakes up one morning to her VERY NOT dead husband in bed and both Ghost and Soap acting like nothing is wrong :)))), maybe some "Simon reverts fo Ghost" too as the story progresses

this is from awhile ago (apologies, anon) and so wickedly weird and cool :)))

androids that are so realistic and bodies so malleable that they almost feel lifelike, like they're flesh and blood. you never wanted to actually give in and purchase one because you have personal qualms with the idea of something so human-looking being programmable and subservient to you; it's just always felt wrong and borderline cruel, and johnny used to concur with you when you spoke about it. that was then though. years and months and weeks before the accident.

now it's midday on a tuesday and you can't even get out of bed. there are two weeks of dishes in the sink and the lawn is overgrown and the feral cats haven't stopped by in days because you haven't had the strength to get up and feed them. your voicemail's been full for days. your sister stopped by and insisted when she saw the state of your house. "at least for a few weeks," she pleaded with you. you can always return it when you're back on your feet. she's already ordered you one from 141 Labs before she's even out the door, making you promise to give it a shot.

when you open the box, you worry that you might've ordered the wrong model. the size of the android they sent you feels out of place, like he's meant for private military companies or as a bodyguard for celebrities. not depressed accountants who can't get out of bed because their husband died two weeks ago. but it's your name on the receipt, your address. so when his blue eyes flare neon when he's first activated and all six feet and four inches of him sit up in the crate (that had to be wheeled in by two delivery men, you recall with a small amount of horror), you wait patiently to introduce yourself.

maybe this one was sent to you because of the defect. he wears a mask because the only layer of skin on his face starts from the bottom of his face down. at first you roll the mask up only to shudder at the exposed wiring and metal where cheekbones should be. you roll it back down.

he comes with a name. Ghost. that's his model, you surmise from the lengthy instruction booklet you're provided. the whole situation feels weird at first; his presence in your house always catches you off guard, even though, you suppose, it's his house now too. you jump whenever you walk into a room and he's just there, silent, so large that you nearly always think Threat first before you recognize him. maybe it's not fully your fault. he makes no effort to signal his presence, moving silently from room to room when he helps carry out the garbage or swifter the living room. sometimes you catch him staring at the photos of you and johnny that still line the top of the fireplace.

you try to be equitable, insisting that he take the guest room as his own. Ghost won't hear of it, following you into your room when night falls; ominous. you have to lock yourself in the en suite to change, heart beating away because you know he's standing just outside the door, like a cat waiting to be let in. shaking hands drag your clothes down. you stare blankly at the door while you shower, fingers twitching when you pass a washcloth over your nipples.

you think there's something wrong with you. you're sick or something. you're sick or something worse because your husband died two weeks ago and the thing in your house isn't even a human and still your stomach clenches when you think of him waiting for you in your room, knowing that you're naked behind the door. it's taboo; it's not something that's done, at least not something that's spoken about. people don't sleep with their androids. recent widows especially should not be thinking about fucking their androids.

two weeks go by. you can't even think about johnny without wincing these days.

"he was your husband."

you look up. Ghost says it like a fact, not a question. you're in the living room sorting through insurance papers while Ghost vacuums under the sofa (he lifts the corner up with just a single hand; you swallow, throat already dry). neon blue eyes zip across your face when you look over at him. you wonder sometimes what he sees there, etched into the plains of your face.

"yeah." your smile is tight, pained. "johnny."

he looks back down to the framed photo in his hand, studying it. you wish you could ask him what he's thinking about, but you worry that would be just another privacy stripped. you can't ask more of him.

"what happened to him?" he finally asks, looking up again.

you feel it catch in your throat. "he, um - he." it doesn't come out. your nose stings before you can even try to get more out. you grimace, shrug instead. you try to smile again, but it's warped, unpleasant to form much less look at. don't ask, it says, whatever you do, please, please don't ask.

"you miss him?"

you blink at him, misty eyed. "ye - of course."

his eyes are so, so blue when he stares across the room at you. it's unnerving to look at; terrifying to find yourself under his scrutinizing gaze. what do androids even think about?

"I understand." he puts the photo back on the bookshelf and walks out of the room.

sometimes you catch him watching you too intensely; rare moments when he doesn't seem entirely mechanical. you wonder if one day you'll roll the mask up and there'll be skin there suddenly, a real flesh and blood person. it feels entirely possible some days. he moves too fluidly, has his own quirks and intricacies that seem newer each day.

you don't try it. the minuscule amount of professional space between the two of you is an absolute. you worry sometimes what you'll let happen if you ever let that distance collapse. already he sleeps motionlessly in the chair beside your bed, refusing his own room. he powers down with his eyes still open, the blue flickering away to a dark grey. it's only mildly reassuring.

when you open your eyes in the middle of the night though, he stares back at you, eyes dark and sightless.

you worry sometimes that you might have made a mistake, letting your sister talk you in to this.

it's the arm tucked around your waist when you're doing the shopping, freezing for a second before the hand on your hip squeezes and he pulls you towards the fruit and veg. it's the menacing stare from over your shoulder when a man approaches you in the checkout lane, offering his condolences (an old colleague of your husband's, he says) and an invitation to dinner. you open your mouth only for Ghost to answer for you.

"No." it thrums out of him, a different modulation. you stare helplessly as the man's face goes white and he makes an excuse to leave, offering you another lame apology.

it's the hand that tugs you out of the store by the back of your shirt, Ghost's voice rumbling like he doesn't know you can hear him. saying something about how you don't need another man in your house. that you had johnny and now you have him.

[hoedamn-eron]

bluey!

Nathan discovers your son’s favourite show.

Warnings: As always, Nathan is a warning. No offence to Miss Rachel or anyone who uses Miss Rachel (I’ve personally never watched her, just needed Nathan to be a dick). Hints of infertility (from this episode of Bluey). Teeny tiny mention of parental anxiety of meeting milestones (from this episode of Bluey). Not proofread this time. Word count: 1,238 F!Reader, no use of Y/N.

Yet another self indulgent fic about dad!Nathan. Set in the same universe as Shut Up, Kid, but can be read as a stand-alone. This also was only meant to be a quick one shot but it turned out to be over 1k 😂.

Nathan Bateman was a fucking genius.

He built the code for Blue Book when he was thirteen years old.

He used to think himself a God. He could build realistic androids, for Christ's sake (not anymore, not since ‘The Incident’).

And because of this, he finds it hard to ‘switch off’. His brain was always moving a million miles a minute, constantly filled with thoughts of how to improve the company, and now that he’s a dad, it just added another thing to think about. And he isn’t complaining about having to think about Silas – he loves the kid, would do anything for him – but at the same time...it is just another thing to keep his brain busy.

Like today.

You come walking into his office (the door is open most days now), holding Silas on your hip, his favourite pacifier in his mouth, and carrying as many toys as you could in your other hand.

“Can you watch him for an hour, please?”

You see Nathan’s shoulders slump before you’ve even finished asking, and you ignore the spark of irritation that sits uncomfortably in your chest as Nathan turns his chair to look at you. You know he’s busy, but you’re busy too; you’ve been called in for a virtual meeting, on your maternity leave, no less, with the department heads – you know they wouldn’t appreciate a noisy baby in the background (despite the fact you want to make a point that they requested you...on your maternity leave).

Besides, Nathan doesn’t have any tight deadlines right now. He’s the CEO, he can push anything back whenever he damn well pleases anyway.

“Nathan, he’ll just sit and watch his TV show for a bit, it’s only an hour.”

Nathan sighs, and you tense at it.

He makes a mental note to make up for it later.

“Okay,” he says, and without looking at him, you walk over to the rug in his office, sitting Silas down on it before placing the toys around him, in easy reach for him.

You turn on the TV and place Bluey on, before walking over to Nathan’s desk and placing the remote on it. You give a swift, “See you in an hour,” before hurrying out to make your meeting.

Nathan gives a quick look to Silas, who – in your defence – was still, watching the TV, sucking away on his pacifier. Satisfied, Nathan turns back to his computer, his eyes drifting over to Silas every now and then before turning back to his screens. The noise from the TV fades into the background, until one particular line jumps out at Nathan.

“Magic Claw has no children. His days are free and easy.”

Nathan huffed a laugh through his nose. He couldn’t agree more. He glanced at the TV then back at Silas before turning back to his computer.

After a while, another line came through, causing him to chuckle again.

“Can I help you?”

“I wish you could, mate.”

Eventually, when he hears the characters talking about – what he thinks is – wanting kids and being unable to have them, he turns his full attention to the TV.

“What the fuck are you watchin’?” Nathan asks before standing and slipping his hands in his pockets as he saunters over to stand behind Silas.

Nathan stands and watches the family of cartoon dogs; Bluey and her sister, Bingo, and their parents, Chilli and Bandit. He watches with a furrowed brow for a moment, wondering how this was his son’s favourite show (it was probably all the colours). And he guesses the theme tune was a little catchy. And sure, Silas didn’t quite understand it, but the dialogue was funny.

“This is better than some of the other shit you watch,” Nathan said, bending down and picking Silas up, without taking his eyes off the TV. “That whiney black bunny you watch? Hate him. The Teletubbies? Also awful. I don’t understand why your mom thinks it’s a classic.”

Silas made a small noise around his pacifier and pointed to the TV.

“Yeah, she your favourite?” Nathan asks, looking at Silas. “What’s her name again? Bingo?”

Silas makes another noise, almost as if confirming with Nathan, still pointing at the TV.

Nathan nodded anyway. “Okay, okay, gotcha.”

After a moment, Nathan stood holding Silas, the two of them watching Bluey together.

Your meeting overran.

By nearly 45 minutes.

Nathan was going to be pissed.

You speed-walk to his office, ready to blurt out an apology (even though it wasn’t your fault the meeting went over), but you stop mid step when you hear Nathan say to Silas, “I think she’s sleeping with the neighbour.”

Your brow furrows in confusion as you hear him, then Silas babble back.

“Oh yeah, you agree? They’re too friendly, right?”

You slowly walk into the Nathan’s office, seeing him standing with his bank to you on the rug, holding Silas in his arms as they watched Bluey together. Nathan was lightly swaying, almost as if he didn’t realise he was doing it.

You sucked in your lips, holding back a laugh. You didn’t want to ruin the moment.

“You better not turn out like Muffin, she’s insane,” Nathan said. “I’ll love you regardless, but still.”

Your heart skipped a beat, like it did every time you heard those words come out of his mouth. It wasn’t as if Nathan had never said ‘I love you’, but he…struggles…to express his emotions that aren’t irritability or exasperation. But with Silas, it came naturally to him. He never failed to say ‘I love you’ to his son (of course, Nathan does say it to you, but he understands you’re a ‘full-grown adult who can identify acts of love’; his words).

You’re brought out of your reverie as a new episode of Bluey started, the theme music kicking in. Your eyes widen and you laugh quietly as Nathan starts lightly jumping around to the music, Silas laughing and kicking his legs excitedly.

“I’m watching the footage back to this,” you say.

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ,” Nathan says, jumping as he whirls around to look at you. “Announce yourself, would you?”

“You, uh…” you say, still grinning. “You watching Bluey?” you look at Silas, who smiles at you and kicks his legs in excitement. “You watching Bluey with dada? Does dada like Bluey?”

“This is fuckin’ great,” he says, giving you a pointed look. “So much better than that Miss Rachel, or whatever her name is. She’s fuckin’ annoying.”

“Excuse me, she’s very educational!”

“She’s overdoing it. The kid will learn to talk fine with just us.”

“His first word will probably be something inappropriate,” you say. “Like fuck. Or asshole.”

Nathan doesn’t reply as he turns back to the TV. You come and stand next to him, watching the episode with him. It’s the one where Chilli was telling Bluey about how she was worried that Bluey wasn’t going to meet her milestones, but Coco’s mom had told her she was doing an amazing job. It was one of your favourite episodes.

“I’ve been stood here for an hour watching these,” Nathan said quietly. “It’s nice.”

“Just standing and swaying with him?” you ask gently.

“Yeah,” Nathan said simply, not expanding.

You nod, before leaning against him a little. You feel him push back at you.

You stand together and watch a few more seconds of Bluey before you ask, “So you think Chilli and Lucky’s dad are going at it?”

“Oh they definitely are.”

[witchpassing]

The technician’s workstation washes the windowless room in sleep-deprived blue. On one monitor, an editing program grinds through the encoding process; on the other, a gaming stream, the volume turned down low. A bright cartoon figure undulates in the corner of the screen, jellyfish-like. 

In the center of the basement is a plastic sheet. A camcorder here, two-thirds of a lighting setup there, a set of tools laid out on tarp. Pliers, drill, nailgun. Hammer, sledgehammer, bat. A clothing rack is pushed against the wall, mass-produced bodies hung in vacuum sacs, pale toes grazing the concrete. Somewhere in the dark, a server tower blinks and hums. 

“Did good today,” the technician says. The back of her beat-up swivel chair creaks as she puts her weight on it. “The begging. I mean. People like that stuff. Could, y’know. Get you something? For playing nice?” 

Something moves between the body rack and the servers, a silhouette folded into a dog crate, contours of a body traced through the bars in barcode-pattern light. A trailing mess of cables twists between the slats of the crate and into the back of a human-enough neck, shifting, dragging as the head rises. Two glass eyes catch the square highlight of the technician’s workstation. 

The android opens its mouth. No sound comes out.

“Oh. Right.” The tech digs an universal remote from among the cans on her desk, a wedge of cheap grey plastic with the buttons taped over, and angles it into the cage. The doll’s vocal speaker flicks on with a muted little vbt. 

“Don’t understand,” it says.  

“Y’know,” the encoding process throws an error. The woman hisses to herself, fuck, and the doll presses itself into the back wall of its cage, as if the fetal curve of its spine can possibly get smaller, more placatory. Clicks. Keystrokes. The jellyfish pulses, swishing physics-simulated tendrils of ribbon and hair, diaphanous about a fuckable bell. 

“A reward,” the technician says, once she’s coaxed the process back into line.

“Oh.” The android is silent for a moment. “Could I have. A pillow? Please. Or, or. A blanket.”  

“But you’re not cold. That body doesn’t even, like. Have temperature sensors.”

“Sorry. S-sorry. It’s fine, I don’t want anything, I’m sorry–”

“Fuckin’, sure, whatever. I’ll find you some bedding.” The technician shunts her chair back, yawns, rubs at salt-crusted eyes. Her glasses settle crooked. “Be a really good girl for the next shoot, and I’ll… I don’t know. I’ll get you a stuffie or something.” 

“You mean it?”

The technician glances over, finds the android staring back at her, lawn-deer eyes big and wide. 

“Sure. I mean it.” 

[abardnamedreginald]

im a wolf-demon-salamander-grey treefrog-katydid-cricket-luna moth-klingon-trad vampire-cat-romulan-harry potter wizard-gnome-drow-orc-wood elf-high elf-werewolf-twilight vampire-chihuahua-android-bard-druid-sorcerer-d&d wizard-lotr wizard-mind flayer-kraken-owlbear-genetically modified human-andes mint-harry potter merperson-h20 mermaid-great white shark-raven named nevermore-amontillado-sewer clown-animatronic-ink person-reality bender-ringwraith-chicken-fairy-telescreen-multibear-manic pixie dream girl-d class-horcrux-dragon-unicorn-pegasus-among us crewmate-among us imposter-game master-sharpie king size marker-dwarf-dragonborn-toothbrush-rock-paper-scissors-lizard-vulcan-politician-god-phone guy-icebreakers ice cubes pineapple-a doctor not a miracle worker-troll-ent-poodle-rabbit-Bear.-orange zombie-purple zombie-green zombie-professor plum-col. mustard-in the library-with a knife-hoola dancer-fish-villager-pelecan-defense against the dark arts professer-mafia boss-peep rabbit-peep chicken-gymnast-hairbrush-philosopher-music freak-school teacher-kidnapper-police lieutenant-farmer-trash can-dumpster out back-turtle-tribble-my little pony-kratt brother-high diver-pearl diver, dive, dive, deeper-chef-fire-earth-water-wind-wasp-bee-hornet-yellowjacket-mud dabber-grasshopper-rattlesnake-armadillo-cowboy-flashlight-starfleet science officer-harlet-elephant-gater-muppet-emo-goth-preppy-teabag-loser-sucker-mouse-rat-a puppet-a pauper-a pirate-a poet-a pawn-and a king-father albert-the pope-a nun-pastor jeff-gambler-metalhead-death rocker-the grim reaper-angel-lighthouse-paw patrol dog-hobbit-starfish-sponge-crab-squid-shrimp-jellyfish-chipmunk-hammerhead shark-nurse shark-humpback whale-blue whale-orca-sexual harrassment panda-south park character-jakoffasaurus-scrabble board-ouija board-pillow-toilet paper-period pad-tampon-baby diaper-elderly diaper-martian-touch tone telephone-starfleet operations-starfleet command-kirk-spock-bones-sulu-chekov-uhura-scotty-yeoman rand-KHAN!!!-mudd-the uss enterprise-the uss reliant-botany bay-v'ger-valeris-saavik-sybok-surak-sarek-the abbreviation 'idk'-sheldon-leonard-penny-howard-raj-amy-bernadette-mary cooper-george sr-george jr-missy cooper-meemaw-tam-dr sturgis-dr linkletter-dr jack bright-dr clef-dr gears-dr kondraki-dr mann-dr iceberg-dr crow-dr rights-dr sherman-scp 049-scp 3008-scp 4231-scp 166-scp 682-scp 2521-scp 590-O5 6-bill cipher-stanley pines-stanford pines-dipper-mabel-wendy-soos-schmebulok-gideon-mcgucket-dipper goes to taco bell-sheriff blubs-deputy durland-tad strange-andy taylor-william afton-michael afton-elizabeth afton-crying child-henry emily-charlotte emily-dave miller-jack kennedy-dee kennedy-peter kennedy-steven stevenson-aragorn-sam-frodo-merry-pippin-boromir-legolas-gimli-gandalf-faramir-denethor-sauron-elrond-thranduil-harry-hermione-ron-voldemort-pettigrew.-moony-padfoot-prongs-snape-edward-bella-alice!!-carlisle-charlie-cthulhu-greg heffley-pennywise-bendy-sammy-norman-jack-alice (susie)-allison-henry stien-joey drew-bruenor battlehammer-raskolnikov-heather-heather-heather-veronica-jd-kurt-ram-martha-kurt cobain-david bowie-freddie mercury-hozier-mitski-lemon demon-jack stauber-tally hall-hamilton-burr-jefferson-madison-washington-phillip-angelica-eliza-peggy-king george iii-king henry viii-ben franklin-catherine of aragon-anne boleyn-jane seymour-anne of cleves-katherine howard-catherine parr-dracula-𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂-evan hansen-conner murphey-john adams-raymond barron-fred randall-jane doe-ocean-noel-mischa-constance-ricky-karnak-vergil-alternate-thatcher davis-ruth-dave-cesar-mark-adam-sarah-jonah-evelyn-gabriel-trump-biden-sunny-basil-kel-aubrey-hero-mari-vanessa (the mean girl that kinda likes u)-tux the linux penguin-perry the platypus hybrid princess...dont fw me

[falling-star-cygnus]

If you're still looking for billy angst ideas I got something what if he got heavily injured got close to powering off and muttered something like "I don't wanna die." Or something like that

Or he actually did die/power off but by some miracle powered on again and then insert everyone's reactions

I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE -> the way i shot up out of my bed and ran to my computer to write this is genuinely insane considering my athleticism abilities [which is to say none]

i don't get a lot of asks, so when i do it always makes me kick my lil feetsies

TRIGGER WARNINGS: robot dismemberment, murder [implied], brief suicide idealization [doesn't finish the thought], kidnapping [i don't write it but he's clearly not there willingly], dehumanization [referring to Billy as an 'it' in a derogatory sense]

"Nicole."

She chokes on nothing but air and nearly drops her phone in the process. What the hell, why did Anby feel the need to do this her. Appearing from the shadows like some sort of cheesy apparition was only funny when other people got spooked! She'd been texting the Proxy!

Anby, at least, waits for her older sister to settle down again before continuing:

"Where's Billy?"

Why would I know!? Nicole narrows her eyes at the smaller girl, pursing her lips in thinly veiled indignance. It wasn't her job to track her teammate's whereabouts off of missions. Or even on missions. They were capable people.

"Huh? I don't know. Why?"

Something about Anby's appearance throws her off.

Her white bangs are looser, tickling her chin and shoulder and out of that itty bitty braid that kept it out of her face. Come to think of it, Nicole hadn't seen her with that braid since yesterday morning...

Weird.

"I wanted him to redo my hair," she answers, placid as ever as she rolls the little green cap between her fingers, "Nekomata hasn't seen him either."

"Oh- Well, I can redo it for you, Anb-" "No thanks, I know how to do it."

Nicole can feel a vein twitching somewhere in her forehead. She loved her sister, she loved her sister, she loved her sister, she loved-

"Then why ask."

There's a sort of tentative silence that follows as the smaller girl fidgets, almost suffocating and sticky and wrong- Anby was uneasy about something... and that never boded well.

"...he's been sad lately. Like a dog that can't go outside when it rains."

Odd comparison, but I suppose it's fitting.

Nicole hadn't noticed anything particularly different about the android. He had been a little less energetic, maybe, more content to just... sit quietly in the company of the other Hares..

Oh god, he'd totally been acting like a sad dog.

"I thought doing my hair again might cheer him up," Anby continues, like she hadn't just made the older Demara feel slightly guilty for not noticing sooner. They all lived together.

"When was the last time you saw him?" Nicole decides to ask, despite the cloying sense of dread settling in her stomach like cement. "Did he go somewhere recently?"

A voice throws in her two cents in her other ear, "I saw him heading out yesterday, around 12!"

"Ack- Nekomata!"

Why was everyone trying to give her a heart attack today!?

"Oops.. Sorry, Nicole! But Billy promised he'd bring me back mackerel! And then he never came back."

"Billy wouldn't break a promise."

The sword wielder says it matter-of-factly, in the same tone she would use to insist that a boss theme was about to play. Or like how someone would say the sky is blue.

She wasn't wrong, though, Billy didn't break promises. Not the ones he makes to them.

An awful feeling of impending doom washes over the three.

Nicole clears her throat. Time to be the boss:

"Let's think about this, did he mention where he was going at all? Or when he'd be back?"

They all check their messages. Nothing.

Call history. Blank.

…emails? All spam.

Of course.

Don't panic, Nicole reminds herself, He could just be... hanging with Wise! Or that wolf guy.. uh.. Von something?

Anby was getting antsier with each failed clue, her fingers twitching and curling into intermittent fists by her sides. Nekomata was trying to act unaffected, but her ears were tilted back just slightly too far.

"Urgh... OK!" the two smallest members of the Hares jolt at the sudden exclamation, but the boss is too busy dialing Billy's cell number to care, "if he won't come to us, we'll go to him!"

The number rings, and rings, and rings- the android always answered on the fifth- and rings, and rings, and-

Click.

"Well, well~ You sure called faster than I expected. Has it even been 24 hours yet?"

That... was not Billy.

-><-. . .-><-

He didn't know how this happened.

Or- scratch that, he did, but... why? He thought-

"I thought we were friends," the android shouts to the retreating figure, his arms captured by two giant mechanical palms "Really? I mean- seriously? Oh, that's hilarious. And sad." Billy can feel his energy draining, but he doesn't go quick enough to miss the final parting words. "You're the least missed Hare, man, and the cat's only been there a week."

Was that.. true?

No. Nekomata had- Nicole cared- Anby would miss..

him.

Would they? He was still trying to formally befriend the Thiren girl, Anby could do her own hair now, and the Boss- would she even notice?

If he wasn't so sure coming online would cause a spike of pain to ram through his throat, he'd shake the thought away. Nicole would notice! At mission time... probably. Or when she needed him.

How long would that be, though?

Unfortunately, Billy's not allowed to spiral any further when an insistent tap-tap-tap scratches at his face plate. He fizzles into painful consciousness with a groan-

With a groan.

With-

...why wasn't he making any noise?

Any attempts made to speak- to vocalize this awful sparking in his throat- end in silence. Billy 's eyes widen, and from his peripheral he can catch the odd glimpse of wiring sticking out under his chin.

...No- no, no, no- no no.

Raucous laughter breaches his sensors, and suddenly his face is pulled up to see the same man that had betrayed him- grinning and amused.

"What's the matter, android," he jeers, releasing his face to drop something on the ground, "Cat got your tongue?"

That 'something' bounces once before landing in a sizzling, unassuming lump right before Billy's glitching eyes.

...his voice box.

-><- . . . -><-

Anby snatches the phone out of Nicole's hand.

"Where's Billy," she demands, shocking the other two Hares silent

She can't bring herself to care at the moment, the way rage is boiling under her skin. Her voice has never been particularly emotive, neither has her face, this she knew intrinsically. A fact of her life that she didn't care to fix.

But Billy was her friend.

Billy understood her. He did her hair whenever she asked, tried to protect her when she didn't need it- not because he didn't think Anby was capable but because he wanted to. Billy explained things she didn't want to, gave her an in to conversations-

"You really care about this thing?" "Billy's not a thing. Where is he." Anby would not ask a third time.

The voice on the other end snickers, amused for some unfathomable reason. And it's like Nicole can sense her impending neurosis, because she pries her phone out of the smaller girl's hand.

"We won't ask again," she emphasizes, fully in Boss mode now, "Why do you have Billy's phone?"

"Calm your tits, ladies."

Nekomata hastily pries the phone out Nicole's hand before it can be crushed.

"What I mean is- relax! Look.. if it'll make you feel better, I'll return it to you. Er- it's parts anyway. Hah!"

It. He was calling Billy... an it.

Something dark poisons the room.

"Just kidding! Anyway- Keep better track of your things, Hares! Finders keepers, you know?"

Click.

...

"Anby. Nekomata."

The girls stand at attention, awaiting the instructions sure to follow their stormy faced Boss.

"We're going to Random Play."

-><- . . . -><-

...everything hurt.

His throat, what was left of his right arm, what was left of his left leg, his torso where red wire hung out like streamers.. The traitor- because it brought some sort of vindicative relief to call his tormentor that- hadn't been joking about selling him for parts. At all.

Pieces of prior 'conversations' looped themselves over and over again like a broken record- a snake eating it's own tail- and at this point Billy couldn't tell if it was his own busted thoughts or if the man had taken his mind too.

"Wow~ an android with a pain threshold.. that's rare. You can feel all of this then?" Billy, of course, couldn't answer with any more than a twitch as pliers hacked away at his wiring. "Bet we'll get a pretty penny off you then."

"I don't really get the point of androids, you know? This tech could be so much better utilized for prosthetics."

"Called your buddies earlier." That had sparked the most reaction out of him so far, that got him to raise his head with worried eyes. "Oh-ho! What'd you get excited for? They're not looking for you."

His voice box still sat on the ground in front of him, mocking as it hissed out sparks from time to time. At least that could still make a sound.

Were the Hares... really not coming for him? Would there be anything left to find if they did?

Billy could hardly open his eyes as it was, even if the Hares could find him in this Hollow- would they even want him around if he couldn't do anything?

Maybe... it would be better if he just-

The metal doors screech open again.

-><- . . . -><-

The tacky feeling of blood, whether caked under her nails or smeared over her cheek, would normally bother her.

This she wears as a badge of honor.

They had been lucky, all things considered, to have connections to the former Phaethon siblings. It still took too long, in Anby's opinion, but Belle and Wise had found the seller that had listed- for a lack of better phrasing- Billy's parts.

"'Ethically sourced' my fine ass!" Nicole had shouted at the monitor, barely restraining herself from grabbing it and shaking.

Anby flicks her blade to the side, watching disinterestedly as blood splatters against the scorched pavement.

"Alright, you guys," Belle- in Eous' body- piped up, "Billy should be behind this door."

What's left of him, goes painfully unsaid.

None of them want to open the door, not when it could confirm a truth they've blatantly ignored the possibility of. Billy could be nothing but wires and lost data behind these doors.

Schrödinger's Android.

Anby takes the plunge and shoulders the creaky metal open.

At first, she's worried that they had the wrong warehouse. The inside is dark- quiet- and she can't immediately see anything with the rubble blocking the way further inside.

That was fine, Nekomata was the only Hare that could marginally compete with her in speed anyway. Sooner than she could really blink- or think about it- the smaller Demara finds herself atop the rubble pile.

There he is.

Billy is in the center of the warehouse, powered off and forced to his remaining knee by robot palms clamped around what's left of his limbs. The wires in his torso hang out like entrails, frayed and stripped at the ends and wrong.

Anby trips over herself to get to him, uncharacteristically uncoordinated as she finally- finally reunites with the android.

"Billy," she breathes out, watery and insistent as she presses her bloodied hands to his cold face, "Billy, wake up. We're here."

Please wake up, please don't let this be for nothing-

Familiar, warm, yellow eyes finally flicker open. It's a struggle, both to watch and to experience probably, as the Hares' big brother reluctantly comes back online.

Reluctantly. Billy shouldn't be reluctant.

There's no talking, no glitchy recall of her name, not even a whisper of pain- or any sound- as his eyes widen disbelievingly at her. Billy shouldn't be quiet.

This was wrong.

Something sparks in the corner of Anby's eye, and the realization that comes with it makes her wish she had done more than dull her blade. Billy's voice box, crudely ripped out and left in plain sight...

"Anby, did you find him?"

The android's warm yellow eyes somehow widen even further at the sound of Nicole's voice and Nekomata's footsteps. When the two come into view, the faceplate under the smaller Demara's hands trembles.

Anby recounts what she learned, making sure to keep her hands on Billy at all times as the reunited Hares' get their metal teammate free. Obviously, he can't walk- he can barely support himself- and they should really wait to celebrate until they're out of the Hollow, but...

"Billlly," Nicole all but sobs as she pulls the android into a hug he can't reciprocate, "you idiot. We were worried sick about you! You're never leaving the base without telling one of us ever again!"

Nekomata joins in from behind, wrapping her thin arms with exceeding amounts of care around Billy's torn neck. She doesn't say anything, but the way the Thiren girl buries her face into his synthetic hair says enough.

Anby hadn't re-braided her fringe since noting his disappearance and the loose hair sticks uncomfortably to the blood on her cheek as she bullies her way under his remaining arm. Belle stands off just slightly to the side, touched by the family reunion but unwilling to interfere with the tender moment.

The Cunning Hares' had missed their resident big brother deeply; now that he was back, they weren't ever letting him go again.

AND THERE SHE IS!! FINITO, EL FIN, FINIE! sorry if the ending was kinda rushed, but i hope you enjoyed! lmk what you thought and, of course, if there's anything else you want to see me write or elaborate on!

[mollyrocker]

HI HIIII i love ur inanimate insanity kitties sm they made my DAY AHH!!!! I'm so curious abut ur lore ideas for them :) Particularly id love to hear about meeple!!! << definitely not a meeple fan. As well as ur take on 4s maybe? No pressure, I'm just very curious!!! :D ur little ii x wc combo is just so cool 2 me

Heres 4s! Aka Ruby-Red

This name was assigned by the scientists in relation to Lapis-Blue his assigned sibling

I feel like his warrior name wouldve been like Redwood or smth

Below is more talk on lore stuff i kinda have figured out sorry its not alot

wanna keep this short and sweet since honestly i dont have very much to go off abt the whole lore in general, im also kinda just allowing the new episodes to come along and play itself out for me so ill probably start lore building to make it more wc adjacent when S2 of ii is over just so im not all over the place

For now, i base Meeple kinda on a made up factory/hospital to run 'scientific' tests by... real 'scientists', with cobs being kinda like their mascot + main cat in charge

Meanwhile cats like Lapis-Blue and Ruby-Red (Mephone4 and 4s) are the lab rats they turn into android feline monsters to make money off of from billionares secretly! Very illegal and dangerous! Cobs meanwhile has the cats scoping out and scavenging the city for metals and other scraps, while also trying to stay hidden in the shadows as best as possible, cobs kinda has his own personal thing going on ill probably talk about another day if ppl are interested enough but he uses these cats to an advantage since they see him as a god basically

Since Meeple is kiiinda hard to like make more warrior cat related given its LITERALLY Apple, I also went A LOT off inspirations such as Felidae and 'Putting the Dog to sleep' pmv which means a lottttt of surgery, yes sory mephones gets surgery and probably lobotomized daily

[zestoflemon]

okay! heres more drawtectives star trek au thoughts bc i have a lot of thoughts :)

so all of this would take place in the lower decks era (2381), with jancy as the captain of officers rose, grendan, and york, and science expert eugene! also rosé, grendan, and york went to starfleet academy together bc thats fun

rosé is still a human, she's from tycho city bc its always funny to me when a star trek character is from the moon. she's a pilot and she learned to fly shuttles and runabouts at a young age. karina's hinted at there being some Dramatic Things in rosé's past so i briefly thought maybe she'd been recruited to section 31,, but then i thought maybe thats too much? so instead her Dramatic Thing could be that she had a conflict with a previous commanding officer that led to her being transferred off the ship. her off duty style would be very christine chapel or erica ortegas in snw vibes, she has so many chelsea boots its crazy

grendan is bajoran bc that just makes sense to me <3 their parents were in the bajoran militia so they lived on ds9 for a while and got interested in starfleet there! shes a science officer and specializes in exobiology (the star trek equivalent of walking dogs) his style is mostly earth tones plus science blues and soo many crochet vests and sweaters

york! klingon lore works really well with orc lore imo but he had to be green so! his dad is a klingon warrior and his mom is an orion starfleet officer, and york grew up with his dad on qo'nos before coming to earth to live with his mom and eventually join starfleet :) oh also since klingons mature faster than humans but i wanted him to be around the same age as grendan i just subtracted 8 years from what his human age would be, so he's technically the youngest of the star trek drawtectives but not by klingon standards?

eugene <3 i just think all the vulcan spirituality and katra and telepathy makes soo much sense for him! and i think he was with the vulcan science academy but then got really into studying the afterlife with holograms & androids so he left the academy to do his own research

i dont have a lot thought out for jancy yet but she's a betazoid bc i think telepathic jancy is neat :) and she was a diplomat before entering starfleet where she studied anthropology (and mystery solving)

also feel free to send me asks about this! drawfee and star trek are my two favorite things so i have a lot of thoughts about them but idk if im explaining them well,,

[coming-lieutenant]

Hello!

Got another idea about younger detective and how Hank can't believe she likes him, so he thinks she spends time with them for Connor, until she's fed up with all of this and kisses him. Maybe in front of DPD 👀.

Thanks Queen/King/any other royality you might identifies with 💖😌

Get a Fucking Clue

A/N: Sorry for the delay 😭 my life literally imploded over the last week and a half and I finally got the ship back on course. I hope you enjoy it!! I’m so sorry it took me so long!

~

Cool, refreshing air envelopes your body, a comforting contrast to the summer heat outside as you walk step into the Detroit Police Precinct. Today marks the beginning of a new journey for you as a criminal investigator. Over are the days of sitting on the side of the road, in alleys, waiting for someone to break into a building, mug some unsuspecting passerby, or any of the other unsavory activities that occur under the moonlight of this restless city. Now, you get to work among some of DPD’s finest on the scenes of the crimes, solving crimes with much higher stakes.

You take a breath, trying to keep yourself cool and collected as you walk into the Bull Pen. You’ve been in here before, but typically you didn’t spend much time here. You walk through, looking at the desks, looking for the lieutenant and his partner you’ve been assigned to train under. You see a man, or android, rather, as you can tell by the bright blue LED on his temple, sitting at a desk. You recall being told the partner in question was an android detective sent by Cyberlife, and though you don’t see anyone sitting with him, you approach anyway.

“Hello. You must be Connor,” you say, greeting the android as you walk up to the desk. He looks up from his computer at you. “Hello,” he says, giving you a warm smile, “I am in fact. Can I help you with something?” You look at the empty desk across from him. “Have you seen Lieutenant Anderson this morning?” You ask, puzzled by his absence. Connor smiles again. “It would be surprising if I had. I’ll call him and let him know you’re here.” He picks up his phone, calling Lieutenant Anderson. He looks mildly surprised as his call is answered. “Lieutenant? Our trainee is here. She wishes to meet you.” He’s quiet for a moment, seemingly listening to the response. “Alright. I’ll let her know.” Connor hangs up the phone, looking to you, “He wanted me to inform you he’ll be here in fifteen minutes. He said you may sit at his desk until he arrives if you want.” You smile, nodding. “I think I will.”

You sit at his desk, taking in the various items he has scattered around. He’s got a little plant, which makes you smile, and a picture of a saint bernard dog. He’s also got stickers all over his computer screen, almost completely covering the screen itself. You scan your eyes over the snarky and sarcastic stickers, referencing his disdain for his ex-wife, happy people, and complaints.

Just as you finish reading them, you catch the motion of someone approaching out of the corner of your eye. You look up to see a particularly tall man, taller than Connor, with shaggy, silver hair and a brown leather jacket approaching. You smile, standing up. “You must be Lieutenant Anderson,” you greet, holding your hand out for him to shake. He stands in front of you, an apathetic yet curious look on his face as he shakes your hand. The contact nearly sends a shiver down your spine, heat blossoming in your hand and running all the way up your arm, settling in your cheeks. “Unfortunately.” He responds, looking down at you. “Are you the new kid Fowler wants me to train?” Your smile falters a little bit, taken aback, but you’re not one to back down at the first sign of trouble. You stand up a little straighter, smiling at him confidently. “I actually have several years of patrol under my belt.” This makes him chuckle. “I consider ‘several’ five or more years. How many you got?” He retorts. You cross your arms, still smiling. “Four. But regardless, I’m not fresh meat, Lieutenant, and I’m sure someone as experienced as yourself will have no problem training me up in no time,” you quip. This finally gets you a smirk from the detective. He sits down in his chair, “I’ll see what I can do.”

-

Your training under Hank went like that for months. Sarcastic comments from Hank, witty replies thrown right back in his face from you, Connor being an unfortunate bystander, day in and day out. As the days went by, you found yourself growing… Particularly fond of Hank. It was nearing the end of your training, meaning working so closely alongside Hank and Connor was about to come to and end, and you would be assigned to cases on your own and eventually be issued your own partner. As exhilarating as it was, finally having the world in your hands, it was bittersweet. You found yourself waking up in the morning eager to go to work, and though you were in some degree of denial about it, deep down you knew you weren’t eager to work. You were eager to see Hank.

Hank was grumpy, cynical, and spiteful, yes. Absolutely he was. Concurrently, though, you knew that, much like Connor, he had grown a soft spot for you. In fact, much to Connor’s chagrin, he seemed to have more of a soft spot for you than he did for even his android partner. Of the three of you, you were the most likely to make mistakes. To get things wrong. Regardless, he always met your self criticisms with defensiveness. Defense of you. He never let you feel like you weren’t a good enough detective, or like you would never be able to make it on your own. And, though you would never let him know it, the banter between the two of you, when it happened, never failed to light a fire deep inside you. It was exhilarating to go back and forth with him, and you basked in the attention of it.

Nearing the end of your training with Hank, only weeks out from it, you found yourself standing outside of Chicken Feed with Hank. Connor sat in the car, as usual, seemingly wanting to give the two of you space as he slowly caught onto your feelings for Hank. You smile at Hank. “Only a couple more weeks of this, huh?” you quip. Hank chuckles. “Yep. You’re lucky, you only have to deal with two more weeks of this ugly mug. Connor over there has to put up with it until further notice,” he responds, motioning to Connor in the car with the sandwich in his hands. “You’re going to miss him, aren’t ya?” he says, laughing. A look of confusion spreads across your face, and you look at him with furrowed brows. “Miss who?” Hank gives you a knowing look. “Connor.” He says, as though it’s the most obvious statement in the world. You are thoroughly perplexed by this. “Oh, uh… Yeah? I guess so.” You’re not sure what the point of the question is, but you finish your lunch anyway, not much of a word from either of you as you finish eating.

Back at the station, Hank’s words repeat like a broken record in your head. You sit with him, once again in Connor’s absence, as the two of you quietly work on filing through cases. Suddenly, Hank speaks. “You know, I think you should tell him how you feel.” You sit up, crossing your arms and leaning back in your chair. “Hank, what in god’s name are you talking about?” you demand, looking incredulously at him. He looks back up at him. “Connor. You should tell him how you feel. I mean, even when there’s no case, you’re always hanging around. You always seem to laugh when you’re with him, and you blush all the time. I think before your training is done, you should tell him how you feel.” You stand up, running your hand through your hair and sighing, pacing slightly away from your chair as you are struck with disbelief, not knowing how to respond. You’ve never in all your years seen someone be so dense. He starts to talk again. “Listen, I didn’t mean to stress you out, I just think-“ Suddenly, you know exactly what you should do. You spin on your heel, cutting him off as he speaks by grabbing him by the collar and slamming your lips onto his. Hank’s hands are suspended in mid-air where they had been while he spoke, and they slowly move to your arms, gently touching you as he begins to kiss back. After a moment, you pull away, smiling. “Still think it’s Connor I’ve taken an interest in?” Hank stares at you, a smile slowly creeping onto his lips as seemingly the whole bull pen stares at the two of you in disbelief. Hank chuckles, speechless. And you smirk, returning to your chair, satisfied with yourself as you return to your work. Finally, the man has gotten a fucking clue.

[serialkilluh1996]

✮𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐑✮

Android-König x Detective-Female-reader

Detroit Become Human x Call Of Duty

Themes: drabble, oneshot, kinda platonic, meet cute

Author's note at the end.

୨୧How you and König meet୨୧

☣Content warning☣

➛ Mentions of bombs, terrorists, hijacking, Kidnapping.

➛ König uses "die"(pronounced, dee) instead of "the".

➛ use of "☆☆☆" in place of reader's name.

contact me if I need to add more.

It wasn't easy being a detective in detroit with the whole "androids going crazy" bullshit running a muck in the local headlines. Stacks on stacks of painful paperwork revolving around someone's artificial housepet going haywire.

You could feel a migraine coming on just looking at the file in your hand. "Android terrorists, huh?" You shrug, scanning over the case. Who new robots were capable of making complex bombs?

Cyberlife, probably. It's one of the reasons they're trying so hard to keep this under wraps. They knew from the very jump how dangerous these things could be, knowing lives would be in danger the second an android was sold, but sells were booming, and morality doesn't interfere with money in this economy. The crime scene photos were awfully graphic. It made you sick to the stomach knowing that a robot did this. Then again, it is a machine made in human image, and humans certainly weren't the best people. Millenias of track records proved that.

"☆☆☆!" You wince as you hear the grouchy old voice of your least favorite lieutenant. Hank. Fucking. Anderson. That sleazy old bitch and his shaggy dog beard. You could smell the beer from across the room, too frustrated to even turn around and face him. You were NOT in the mood.

"Hey, Ms. ☆☆☆. It'd be real courteous of you to, I dunno, turn the fuck around when I'm talking to ya." Hank teases, clearly too nonchalant for your byllshit today. "Lieutenant, WHAT do you want–" you turn in your spinning office chair, going silent as you notice the massive monstrous man that he was leaned against. He was tall, nearly 7'0", all decked out in a military combat uniform, large gun held firmly in his left hand that you could only assume was locked and loaded.

He had on some sort of dark hood with red streaks around the eyes, his irises glowing a vicious shade of bold red that illuminated like lasers. "What the fuck..." your voice trailed off, a reluctant fear in your voice as you tried to stand your ground. This guy clearly wasn't hunan, but he wasn't your usual android either.

Androids were designed to look friendly and appealing to the eye. Not to strike fear into the heart of whoever dares to look. Cyberlife's usual color scheme was a gentle teal blue, one that seemed electric and hyper. He was red-themed, not as friendly nor appealing considering that the color red is confirmed to cause anxiety and unease if in large quantities, especially bright red.

And that gun. This fucker had a gun. Cyberlife had lost their damn minds. There's no way these people actually thought that they should give an android, recently discovered to have a high possibility of going rogue and causing fatal damage to the human race, a gun, especially a murder weapon like that. That gun didn't even look legal to own. And then there's Hank, without an inch of a fuck to give, leaning against him like it was nothing.

"Cyberlife wanted me to, eh, bring you this little gift." "Why are they giving it to me???" You fuss. "Well, I'm off duty, kid. The case is yours, so the fuckin' android is too." He stuffs his hands in his large coat pockets, turning to leave.

"Hank?" You call out, a subtle whine in your voice caused by the fear of being left alone with it. "Whatever questions you have, ask the big guy. Or, just...Google it like the old days." He chuckles, knowing he sounded like an ass. You grunt at his lack of concern, trying to suppress a whimper as the metal monster progressed toward you, clenching the gun tightly.

"Greetings. I'm König, Die android sent by Cyberlife." He speaks, the tone in his voice making it obvious his words were scripted. "...you don't look like a usual robot " you stagger out, remaining calm with an unbothered, cocky facade. "I'm a prototype sent from Germany. I'm die only one with my model." He responded, voice clearly created with the idea of a German accent in mind. "Why are you so..." "Big? Red? Scary? Different from die others? It's simple, really. I'm especially designed for missions involving heavy crimes such as Kidnapping, bombing, hijacking, and trafficking. Missions like yours." He raises his right hand, index finger pointed directly at your file. Twelve dead. Nine injured. A shopping center blown to bits at the hands of AI.

"My bright shades of red are meant to exert power, instill fear and imply threat. Like a big X when you do something incorrect in a game." He places his AR on the ground, letting the loud metal cling as it hit your desk. His eyes examine your face, scanning cautiously, he squints as his inner computers calculate your current anxiety.

"You are...confused. Scared. Do not fret, detective. I was sent to protect you. I will terminate any and all threats to this mission and your safety, even if that includes me." He puts a shockingly soft gloved hand to your cheek. He really was an advanced model.

They're programming them with charisma as well? What will they think of next? You roll your eyes. Pushing the hand away, you reach for your car keys, snatching the file up off the table.

"Where are you going, Detective?" "Home. I've got a case to work on." Before you know it, you feel a firm grip around your waist before your lifted in the air by König. "What are you doing?" You hit his back, wincing at how firm it was.

"Taking you home. You're car needs to stay here incase they're stalking you. They'll see it and assume you're still at die precinct." He responds, opening the door with a single hand before ducking to exit. "So, you're just- you're gonna carry me back? All the way?" "Yes, Detective."

"Don't you think that would bring more attention to me than just...driving?" And suddenly, he stops walking. You can literally hear the gears turning in his head. "So, I was lying." The admission shocks you. "What?! What the hell kinda lie is that?"

"I just wanted to carry you back. Perhaps, show off what I can do. But,...dont worry. I assure you, you'll make it home safely. Then I can show you what else i can do." König's tone is flat as he resumes his journey. Lying, charismatic robot. What. A. Day.

You can support me by liking, commenting, reblogging, and/or cashapping me @fundsbrownie. Donations are optional, but much appreciated. Have fun! And remember, take care of yourself.

Okay, so this was something that's been on my mind for a while and I'm thinking about doing more oneshots with this scenario because robot König is just MWAH🫶🏾😚😚😚 and I absolutely must have more of him.

And to everyone that has recently submitted requests, please read my pinned and rules before sending one, because a lot of these asks were.... heavily against my boundaries. Have a great day/night!

[hannahbarberra162]

Not My Monkey, Chapter 2

on Ao3

Link to Chapter 1

Dining with the Strawhats is just as you would expect.

The song the Reader hums and sings with Sanji is this ad: https://youtu.be/FbQt8pYUY6Q?si=qtAVuaC_wUggmSQd

~~~

You tore your gaze from Blue Maui to glance at the rest of the crew. Luffy was sitting and pounding his fists on the table, chanting for meat. Robin was sitting next to the android and chatting, with her hand on his oversized forearm. The green swordsman was slouching with his arms crossed next to a tiny…deer. Who was talking to a giant skeleton with an afro. Alright. Nami sat next to you and Usopp, with Sanji coming from the kitchen with a serving platter. A strange group of people, but hey, you were dead so it’s not like you could talk. 

Sanji served you first, even before the Captain, which surprised you. “A vegetarian meal for our dearest Reader,” Sanji said. He looked anxious and he was hovering over you. He clearly wanted you to try the food in front of him and give him a review. He gave you glazed carrots, a spring style salad, and a bean and mushroom stew served over rice. 

He didn’t need to be nervous, it all looked incredible. You weren’t the main cook in your previous relationship, that had been mostly done by your partner. You were satisfied eating the same boring things over and over daily, which you’d done for the past few years. You picked up your fork and sampled the glazed carrots. It was unbelievable, the carrots practically melting on your tongue. Your taste buds were singing, you didn’t think carrots could be so rich. You sampled each item he’d prepared while he flitted back and forth, serving the rest of the crew, starting with the women. 

“Sanji, this is outstanding! I’ve never eaten anything like this before, you’re such a talented chef.” The carrots, the stew, the salad, everything tasted like it had been made by a French chef. Sanji beamed at you.

“I apologize, we are running low on supplies right now. At the next island, I’ll buy more vegetables. Most of the crew prefers a more meat heavy diet.” This was him running low on supplies? You couldn’t wait to see what he whipped up with a fully stocked kitchen.

“MEAT! MEAT! MEAT! MEAT!…” Luffy continued to chant over Sanji speaking to you.

“LUFFY, SHUT UP! I’m speaking to our lovely Reader,” Sanji sighed and went to fetch food for Luffy. Once the food was placed in front of him, Luffy was like a vacuum. You made a mental note to keep your hands and feet away from his mouth during meal time. He reminded you of that game, Kirby, where the little pink guy would literally inhale food. Or a dog with food aggression. Luffy was using both hands, double fisting the meat and eating as rapidly as humanly possible. 

“Would you like to introduce our new Reader, Luffy?” Robin asked politely.

“Oh yeah, this is Misty,” Luffy said while chewing, gesturing to you with one meat skewer. It took everything in you not to chide him for speaking with his mouth full. Who raised this kid? 

“Actually, her name is also Robin, but we are calling her Misty to avoid confusion,” Robin clarified. “She is our new Reader, but she does not know any information about our world, including who we are. It's a fresh start for all of us, so let’s go around and introduce ourselves. Appropriately. ” Robin gave a look to the android and skeleton, emphasizing the last word.

“She’s obviously lying,” interjected the green haired swordsman.

“No, I’m not, I really -” you started to argue with him but were interrupted by Sanji, who already had his foot on the swordsman's shoulder. 

“How dare you accuse our newest, sweetest Mellorine of lying?!” He was in the green guy’s face on your behalf, it looked like they might fight again. 

“Thank you, Sanji, but I understand his hesitation. But I promise, I really don’t know anything about this world. I haven’t even been to the sea before. I guess that’s one thing off my bucket list.” Well, you’d already kicked the bucket so you weren’t sure that it counted. 

“Whaddya mean? Never been to the sea?” asked Luffy, still chewing with his mouth open. You shrugged.

“I mean, I’ve been in lakes and rivers and pools and things like that. I always wanted to visit the ocean before I died. Where I lived, the ocean was really far away. It was always a little too expensive to go so I never did.” It made you sad to think you'd spend nearly your whole life working and for what? You didn't get to the Pacific, you didn't travel to Fiji, you didn't get to do a lot of things you'd wanted before you apparently died.

“We’ve heard about their world before, others have shared similar sentiments. To Zoro’s point, I do not believe she is lying. I’ve been monitoring her interactions and she does not seem to know any prior information.” Robin had been watching you? You hadn’t seen her following you around. But at least she was corroborating that you weren’t lying. So the green haired guy was Zoro. He still hadn’t introduced himself.

“I’m Franky, the shipwright. It’s SUUUUUPER nice to meet you.” He had exquisite blue hair shaped like a sailing ship. Maybe wild hair colors were natural in this world. You hoped so, you absolutely loved it.

“I like your hairstyle,” you complimented. 

“Thanks, sis,” Franky responded, making a finger gun and running his hand along the side of his hair. It was clearly a source of pride for him, as was only right for such a good style. Next, the skeleton put down his cup of tea.

“I’m Brook, the Soul King. I'm the musician on the crew and I’d love to see -” Nami bonked him over the head before he could finish his sentence. Hard.

“Don’t you dare! Robin just asked everyone to behave!” She was quick, that was for sure. And based on his reaction, fairly strong.

“-your panties,” he finished despite the bonk. 

“No. Don’t ask again,” you replied. Ew. But also he was a nine foot tall skeleton, so his sense of decorum might have been off. He had kind of a Hendrix / Slash vibe going on, complete with afro. You really should commend whoever made this world, the hair here was fantastic.

The little deer put down his milk and said in a serious tone, “I’m Chopper, the ship’s doctor.” It would have been more impressive if he didn’t have a milk mustache when he told you this. Talking skeleton, talking deer, rubber people, dead people, this ship was like a haunted house mixed with Disneyland. At least your life was ending with a bang. “I can help you if you have a headache from the timespace travel, it’s happened to a few of our readers.” 

After thanking Chopper, the last of the group, Blue Maui, introduced himself as well. “I am Jinbe, the ship’s helmsman. It is a pleasure to meet you,” he said, giving you a bow. Your heart and face warmed. You knew it didn’t mean anything - it was basically the same introduction everyone else had given you as well. But coming from someone as good looking as Jinbe, you couldn’t help it. What, were you 12 again?

“Pleased to meet you as well,” you replied smiling. Luffy interrupted your very brief conversation with his mouth full.

“So if you’re shipwrecked on an island, and there were only animals there,” Luffy began as you inwardly groaned, already knowing where this was going, “would you eat one to survive?”

You laughed. “You know what’s funny? I die and come to this world only to be asked the same questions as the last one. I would. But it’s not something I worry about.”

“So who’s your favorite?” Luffy continued, beaming at you.

You weren’t sure exactly what he was asking. “My favorite what?”

“Your favorite Strawhat!” Luffy smiled, but you saw Sanji and Usopp tense slightly.

“Luffy, she doesn’t know us. She doesn't have a favorite like our previous readers,” Robin interrupted her Captain. “I do not know if she is even aware we are the Strawhat Pirates.”

Luffy shoved more meat into his mouth before replying, “oh, right. Well, we’re the Strawhats. Cus of my hat. And your favorites probably gonna be me. Or Zoro. Or Nami. That’s who everyone says.” Luffy grinned widely. You didn’t reply but it seemed kind of rude to pick favorites in front of the other crew members. 

“You’re not always everyone’s favorite!” interjected Usopp, the conversation hitting a nerve.

“I am! It’s my show! I’m the antagonist-” Luffy yelled back.

“Protagonist,” corrected Robin, now sipping on some tea.

“This isn’t a show, it's just life!” continued Usopp. “You’re not the main character, that’s not how it works.” Luffy pouted but kept eating.

“Let’s get a round going for the new reader!” exclaimed Nami, trying to change the subject. 

“Brilliant idea Nami-swan! Dearest Misty, what would you prefer to drink? We have some sake, wine, and ale. You are our guest, you choose first. ” Sanji came to your side immediately, like a waiter on demand.

“Oh, I don’t drink,” you replied, “but it doesn’t bother me if anyone else does.” Zoro (who still hadn’t introduced himself) snorted.

“What kinda life is that? No meat, no booze. What’s the fuckin’ point?” he scoffed. 

You laughed lightly. “I would have said the same when I was 20. Just not my style anymore.” 

“So go get the booze shitcook, she said we can drink,” Zoro turned to Sanji, already ignoring you. You could see Sanji puffing up for a fight already.

“If she’s not drinking, you’re not drinking either, you stupid mossbrain! You don’t get shit anyway for insulting her!” They were already in each other’s faces. No one else had paused their side conversations to listen or watch. You wondered how many times a day this happened. Zoro and Sanji went back and forth, though you noticed Zoro didn’t stop eating his food and Sanji didn’t put down his tray. Everyone else had returned to their side conversations, ignoring the two men completely. The crew seemed cohesive, like everyone was on good terms with each other. Even Zoro and Sanji's fighting wasn't disturbing the overall vibe of the dinner. It was loud, animated, chaotic, and reminded you of Sunday night dinners with your own family. You enjoyed it for a few minutes, eating your meal and watching the dynamics of the crew. 

Everyone was wrapping up their meals and finishing their food. Usopp and Nami got up to leave, but left their dirty plates on the table. “ Excuse me, take your plates to the sink. No one’s coming behind to pick up after you,” you snapped at them. The room went silent as they stared at you. Oops. Having several bad roommates and coworkers over many years had left a few ingrained habits. “Uh, sorry, didn’t mean that. Just tell me where I can put my plate.”

“Leave it on the table, Twirlybrow cleans up,” replied Zoro.

“Why? Didn’t he cook the food?” you asked, confused. It was basically a sin where you grew up to leave your plate on the table, much less for the cook. Didn’t they rotate the cleaning?

“So? He likes it,” Zoro was being petulant, probably because of whatever he had going on with the cook. 

“Again, sorry, I didn't mean to overstep. It’s just that where I’m from, if you cook, you don’t clean. That’s always how it is. But, not my circus,” you said, putting your hands up in apology. You didn’t mean to offend, but the man had just cooked a multi course meal for eleven, plated and served it. Surely he didn’t have to clean up everything by himself too. It felt unfair, but it wasn’t your place to change the way things were.

“Whassat mean? Not my circus?” Luffy asked, finally full of food. His belly was stretched comically large, seemed like being made of rubber had its benefits.

“Oh, it’s a common saying. ‘Not my circus, not my monkeys.’ Meaning, it isn’t my place to say anything. You know like, not my problem, not my business.” Luffy smiled at you.

“I am your monkey! Monkey D. Luffy! Thanks Sanji!” With that, Luffy got up and took his plate, putting it into the sink. Usopp and Nami did the same, bringing their plates with them after watching their Captain. One by one, the crew thanked Sanji and brought their plates to the sink until it was just you and Sanji left. You still had a lot of food on your plate and you weren’t done eating yet. 

“Sorry, I’ve always been a slow eater, especially when I’m in a group or talking with other people. I can finish this later.” You felt bad stopping him from beginning on the overwhelming amount of dishes he was going to have to do. 

“No, no. Please. Enjoy at your leisure mon cherie. It’s nice to see someone who doesn’t just shove everything down their throat.” Sanji was a little off, he wasn’t saying anything cringy or chivalrous in your honor, just clearing off the table.

“Sorry that I butted in. I didn’t mean to disrupt the way things are here,” you offered. 

“No, I - I appreciate the sentiment.” Sanji said, back turned to you.

“I can help you clear the table if you wish, or wash some dishes. I can’t fight and don’t have super-powers like everyone else but I definitely know my way around dish soap,” you tried for a light hearted approach. “My mom really drilled into us that whoever cooks doesn’t clean. It’s hard for me to watch you and not help, especially after you just cooked such an incredible meal.” Sanji smiled at you, but it didn’t reach his eyes. 

“It is no burden on me, mon coeur. Please, eat. You are a guest on the ship, and a lady besides.” You dropped it as the chef began cleaning again, clearing the table of serving platters and pitchers, bringing them to be washed. You watched him as you ate, asking him about the preparation of the dishes you were eating. Once you got him talking about food, he dropped a lot of the chivalrous talk and spoke passionately about his love of food and drink. He was calm and patient, answering all your questions. It was obvious he excelled in his field, both from your empty plate and the amount of knowledge he had. Once you were done, you stacked your silverware, cup and plate and brought them to the sink. Sanji was elbow deep in dishes, and he would be for a while. 

“C’mon, let me help you. This is gonna take you hours to do alone.” 

“Ladies shouldn’t have to life a finger -” Sanji began.

You cut him off. “I don’t have to, I want to. It would…make me happy?” You ended the sentence on a higher register. You figured that if he was really a chivalrous guy, he would take your wants and desires into consideration. 

Sanji blinked up at you with his one visible eye, surprise registering before it was hidden. “It would make you happy? But you only have precious little time left, you want to spend it washing dishes?” What was this guy’s deal? Did no one ever help him before? You’d never fought so hard to wash dishes in your life.

“Well, I want to spend every day eating more of your scrumptious food. Which means that the utensils, pots, pans, bowls, everything has to be washed and cleaned, right? Kind of goes hand in hand.” 

“Alright, just this once mon mie. If it would make you happy.”

“It would,” you replied firmly. With that, he moved over, giving you some space at the sink. You’d had a dishwasher at your house for years, but growing up everything was washed by hand. You had countless hours of experience doing the dishes, and there weren’t any differences between your world and this one on how to scrub a dirty fork. You and the chef fell into an amicable silence, working side by side.

Something you hadn’t anticipated was that there was no background noise on the ship. Sure, there were the sounds of the waves, of some sea birds, of the crew on board. But for the past few years you’d gotten used to always having something on to provide white noise - the television or YouTube mostly. You were used to passively listening to music or long form videos while you cooked, cleaned, did laundry, any basic repetitive task. So standing quietly next to the cook made your mind wander to music. 

Obviously, you didn’t have access to your music from home. You tried to think of songs to sing in your head to keep yourself busy. But, as it turned out, you didn’t know the complete lyrics to all that many songs, even though you listened to music constantly. You could remember bits and pieces, or remember the tune, but there weren’t that many songs you could sing from beginning to end. It seemed like the only songs you could remember the lyrics to were either Top 40s hit ending in 2012, songs from your childhood, or songs from the Disney movies your nieces liked. You were deep in your mind, trying to conjure up some songs to sing to, when the cook asked you what you were humming.

“Beg your pardon?” you hadn’t realized you were humming out loud.

“Oh, I was just wondering what song you were humming. I haven’t heard that one before. It’s always entertaining to learn new songs from Readers.”

“Ah. Sorry. Um, it’s nothing, just a commercial jingle, I’m sorry. I’ll stop,” you turned a little red. 

“No, no. I liked it a lot. Does it have lyrics?”

And so you taught Sanji the words to 877-CASHNOW. By the time the two of you were finishing the dishes, you were calling and responding to one another with gusto. It was quite fun, and you were glad the young chef was humoring you. When the last dish was dry, you patted him on the arm. 

“Thanks for indulging me, Sanji. You have quite a pleasant singing voice. We’ll do it again soon.” He didn’t know you’d be helping him a lot on dish duty. You’d tell him later, you had a feeling he was going to fight you on it. But you wanted to be useful, and it had actually been a fun way to pass the time. 

“The pleasure is all mine,  mon cherie. I’m done much earlier than I usually am, for which I have you to thank.” Sanji lit up a cigarette. You’d seen him smoking earlier, but not during dinner service. But you didn’t know any chefs who didn’t smoke, so you weren’t going to give him grief over it.

“Thank you for dinner, Sanji.” You patted his head like a little boy and left the galley. Outside the crew was relaxing and enjoying the cool evening air together.

“What’s a structured settlement?” Luffy yelled across the deck. You laughed.

“Oh, sorry. I didn’t know you could hear us. I’ll keep it down next time.” You hoped your singing wasn’t too off key.

“Why do you do that?” Luffy asked, walking towards you while picking his nose.

“Sing? I’ve always liked it. I’m not good by any means, but it’s fun -”

“No, apologize all the time. You’re always saying sorry but you don’t do anything you need to apologize for.” 

You fidgeted, rubbing the tips of your fingers together. “Oh, sorry, bad habit, I guess. I’ll try to stop.” Luffy flicked a booger onto the deck and sat down cross legged without washing his hands. Gross.

“You don’t need to be sorry for being here. We want you here.” Luffy said, his hands resting on his feet. For being a gross teenager, he was perceptive. You did worry a little about being a burden on the crew, even if it was only for a short while. You had always been a people pleaser, even when you were a child. It had gotten better for a little while in adulthood, but recently you’d fallen back into old habits. You didn’t like relying on other people without providing anything in exchange. Maybe that’s why you fought Sanji so hard on washing the dishes. It wasn’t like it was a chore you loved doing, it was something you knew you could do. You’d think about what Luffy said more.

“Thank you, Luffy. That’s kind of you to say.” You almost patted his head too, but you remembered the boogers. Maybe after he bathed. You noticed Nami had come up, waiting for you to finish your conversation with Luffy.

“Come on, I’ll give you a tour of the ship,” she said. “We can pop by the living quarters too, Robin’s set something up for you.” You agreed, following the orange haired woman. 

“So, the ship’s called the ‘Going Sunny,’ it’s like the ‘Going Merry’ and ‘1,000 Sunny’ mixed together. I don’t know how Franky did it, but he took the Merry and combined it with the Sunny and this is what we ended up with. A Reader once gave us a good drawing of the 1,000 Sunny and Franky used the best parts of both ships." You didn’t know what she was talking about but you nodded anyway. She took you around the ship, starting with the top deck and working your way down to the bottom. It was an incredible ship - there was a tangerine grove, the head of a ram on the keel, a huge fish tank, a spa level bathing area, even a library. You had never seen anything like it. Finishing with the crew quarters, Nami showed you where you would be sleeping. It was a small cot between her bed and Robin’s. Nothing fancy, but you hoped you wouldn’t need to use it too much. You only had three weeks left to live, and you wanted to make the most of it.