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nuttysaladpaper · 1 month

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My Redemption

DISCLAIMER: I do not think Sammy Sundog is a bad person in any way Shape or Form. I just want to compare things they said in chat to what I said in chat and see if we can all find an understanding. This is not me canceling them. I just want them to see that this isn't fair, I want to redeem myself and prove my worth!

I was banned from Sammy Sundog's community in April of 2023, but I feel like I was wrongly banned, people in Sam's chat have said FAR worse things than I have said, including the borderline bigoted things they have said.

In May of 2023, I had a Meltdown due to the heartbreak from the ban, the pain of my dog passing away, and stress from work caused an involuntary response to these overwhelming sensory and emotional stimuli from everything that was going on (That meltdown caused me to blackout, threaten suicide and go on a huge rampage which is a very intense meltdown, and meltdowns are common in autistic people, even adults.)

The reason Sam banned me was that I was Inappropriate in Chat, and made everyone uncomfortable, (But months after I was banned they revealed it was only because I talked about my job too much) I also cannot read social cues (which is another autistic trait) Someone in Sams chat told me (in DM's) to "learn to read social cues" which is an extremely ableist thing to say. You can't just make symptoms disappear, and you can't just "learn to read social cues" that is not how it works.

Child Abuse:

They make jokes about toddler sims sleeping outside, playing with feces, sleeping on dog beds, eating dog food (and have made/let the toddlers do this.) This is abusive behavior, but then claim "Oh it's just a game, it's a JOKE, it's a queer game from 2004" and no one finds this problematic, yet find Realistic Birth Mod for The Sims 4 to be weird, or think the incest mod for the sims 2 is "gross" and harmful to people... what happened to it being "just a game?" If having incest in the game is gross then having child abuse in the game should be gross too right? Where do we draw the line?

Racism:

Recently someone in chat said something Racist, but it didn't cause an uproar in chat, and Sam didn't ban them on the spot (which would be an appropriate response to blatant racism) Here is the message:

Misogyny:

Not to mention the borderline misogyny from Sam and the community, I explained that another cause for my behavior is hormonal imbalance, and someone said "They get periods too but they don't freak out on people" Thinking all periods are the same is something men do, and is extremely Misogynistic and gaslighting behavior, not to mention the fact that they won't let me explain myself or have my own opinions (also misogynistic behavior)

Homo/Bi/Transphobia:

There are people in Sams community who think I'm not Bi because I am Anti-LGBT (I am not Anti-LGBT) I sent hateful messages because I was mad at Sam, and I'm insecure about myself, I was in emotional pain, and I lashed out, I know It wasn't right, but to say I'm not Bi-sexual is gaslighting and very Biphobic. Not to mention the things Sam said on their Deviantart:

Sam says that They/Them pronouns are "Tumblrina pronouns" that Bisexual and Pansexual are the same thing, and that there are 2 genders and 3 sexualities.

Not to mention a slur that someone said in chat that Sam allowed:

Ableism:

Sam has made fun my of mental disorders and disabilities for almost as long as I have been banned. Here is a list of Ableist things said and done by Sam and the community:

Compared my autism to theirs. After my meltdown, Sam came to yell at me and say "I'm on the spectrum as well but I'm not threatening violence, get some help and move on" (I did not threaten violence or anyone's life, I was depressed, and wanted to kill myself because I couldn't handle the heartbreak.

Sam claims I'm using my autism as an excuse to be a jerk. I'm not being a jerk, I have meltdowns, and I struggle to read social cues, which is common in autistic people.

Sam called me inappropriate, Clare (Daydreamer) Called me Cringe, and Crystul-Beth laughed at me for having depression and suicidal thoughts and made fun of me for crying as a result of severe depression, and would tell me to "get a hobby" even though I'm severely depressed (which was worsened by the ban) and I can't even enjoy the stuff I used to do.

They think Happy Hands, Hyperfixations on the Sims, and Brainrot behavior are the only symptoms of Autism, which is very stigmatizing.

Jules told me that banning me for having severe symptoms and refusing to seek help is not ableist. I am not refusing to seek help, I literally do not have the resources to GET help! Therapy costs a lot of money here in the U.S.

Someone in Sam's Chat told me that "I should learn to read social cues" That is not how it works, we can't just make our symptoms go away, and "Not being able to read social cues" is a VERY common symptom of Autism. Telling an autistic person to read social cues is extremely ableist behavior.

They made fun of Blind people (my dad is blind and I found the jokes very disturbing) Here are the screenshots:

8. Sam laughed at Machinima when someone mentioned they almost committed suicide and claimed that Suicidal people are manipulative, the kid was heartbroken, The body responds to heartbreak the way it responds to physical pain, it's not something to joke about, and to say people who commit suicide after a heartbreak are manipulative is disgusting!

9. They also make fun of Cindy (Pleasant Sims) for having BPD (which is one of the most painful and most difficult mental disorders to deal with.) Cindy lost her baby in the late summer of 2022 and has also been struggling with her mental health and PCOS. Sam claims she is using her breakdowns for content even though she is going through a lot and tries to cope in her own ways. (It's good that Cindy's husband got away from all that but still, it's hard to deal with Mental disorders, they don't just "Go Away")

10. Someone in the community also said I'm "Dangerous and Vile" even though I'm suicidal and I have meltdowns and psychotic episodes, I don't mean for them to happen, they just happen.

11. Sam also says that I'm causing trouble for attention, that is not true! I am going through a hard time, and I also have a hard time letting things go, I only wanted to fix what I have done, but Sam has been hateful towards ME, I never hated Sam for a second! I didn't mean for things to get this far, I just want to return to the community!

Samantha if you're reading this, I'm sorry for all the trouble I caused, but this is ridiculous! You guys have said terrible things in chat as well, you also stalked and harassed me by taking screenshots of my social media posts and taking them out of context, I only took screenshots of your messages to call you out on your hypocrisy and your own bigotry! I know I did wrong, and I tried to listen to what you guys said about me, I tried to educate myself and change my hateful ways, but you still think I'm a bad person! I tried doing better but you won't let me redeem myself, so I come onto social media to call you out! I only wanted to work things out, YOU ARE 30 YEARS OLD! Let's work this out like adults! PLEASE!

All I did in chat was talk about my job, that's it.

@sammysundog @herobrilne @bethisims @motherpsyduck @julescant @nonsensical-pixels @diwasims @gaypleasantview @annachibisims @annachibi @gnomethievery @cursyve @tobigrimsbabyfaces

DISCLAIMER: I am not trying to cause trouble, I just want to tell you guys that I'm not the bad person you think I am, and I want this to end! I'm sorry I made you all uncomfortable, but please don't hate me. I love and miss you guys. I wish I did better. I think you guys are good people, despite all of this that I mentioned in the post. Let's not fight or hold grudges anymore.

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religion-is-a-mental-illness · 3 months

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By: Kimi Katiti

Published: Jul 3, 2024

The eruption of fireworks made me want to crawl out of my skin. I fully believed that the night of July 4, 2017 was a celebration of white supremacy, and I couldn't understand why anyone would participate in a festival of hatred. The power was also conveniently out in my apartment for the entirety of the evening, which made the jarring pyrotechnics all the more inescapable and amplified—as garish as a performance of sirens and headlights in my living room, unrepentant in their hours-long parade. Red, white and blue—over and over again.

The people on the outside celebrated a country that was not only founded on slavery, but used the 13th amendment to preserve it. A country that also maintained the lynching of black men like Michael Brown and Philando Castile through the shield of law enforcement. And even though it elected its first black president, it slipped on the familiar when it elected Trump as its leader—a President who had no qualms with using xenophobic dog-whistles to rally his base.

And these were just the visible warts on the face of the nation. What about the abscesses that oozed beneath its stripy, starred garb? The invisible system of racial discrimination and microaggressive harm? The walls built into every industry to keep the marginalized away from the American Dream? The emotional labor required by black women like myself to educate anyone on all the above?

From my 2017 perspective, those who celebrated the 4th of July reveled in the murder of the innocent, and clapped in the defense of the assailant. Anyone who waved a flag, might as well brandish a whip. Anyone who took the day off to corral friends and family around a grill and under an umbrella of explosives or worse—under the presidency of Trump—might have as well donned a swastika pin and raised an arm into the sparkly skyline.

This was my lens for a good number of years, and one that I look back on with grief. Why did I let a holiday wreck me so well? In hindsight, I have a few theories as to why, and it boils down to a worldview I unintentionally adopted—one that only lent to the fragility of the observer.

For the race-essentialist, the 4th of July is a semiotic nightmare. Oftentimes, interpersonal gestures and words take the spotlight when discussing microaggressions, but in the emoji-age, we ought to consider the role symbolism plays in drilling in groupthink, deteriorating meaning and expanding the modern idea of harm. What made the celebration of American independence an abyss of grief for me was the meaning I placed on every sign that marked the day.

Swiss linguist Ferdinand de Saussure defined a sign as any motion, gesture, event, or pattern that conveys meaning. The green light at a traffic stop means 'go', and blue on a faucet indicates 'cold' water. Meaning has been given to these shapes to form signs, and through repetitive use and education of the meaning behind the signs, we can add it to our symbolic lexicon.

After two-dozen revisions, our current Star-Spangled Banner is meant to represent the nation of the United States of America. But how did it go from a mere symbol of a nation, to a symbol conveying conspired hate—at least in the minds of a radicalized few, my former self included?

I'd suggest it has something to do with concept creep—a term Jacob L. Mackey referred to during a previous conversation I had with him on microaggressions. Concept creep, coined by Nick Haslam, and popularized by The Coddling of the American Mind, refers to the ever-expanding meaning of harm-related language, such as trauma, or even the word 'harm' itself. In my case, harm came to include the symbol of the American flag. And in a reciprocal sense, the flag didn't just represent a nation, the concept behind it crept to represent a bad nation. Sure, one can look at a flag and think critically about the flaws of its country's government or systems. In my case, however, I felt like I was under attack at the sight of it. So what energized that progression of meaning—what taught me to reinterpret the meaning behind a symbol to the point of physical distress?

I'd like to nominate the mainstream media narrative for that progression of definition. Everything from social media to sports told me exactly what kind of meaning I should ascribe to the American flag, and its companions. One of fear, not fondness.

With the rise of the Black Lives Matter movement, followed by the catastrophe-confirming appointment of Trump, the media streets in the mid twenty-tens were saturated with posts on police brutality, the national anthem and white America. This came with a flood of symbols to aid the viewers' dissection of events. Images of symbols such as the MAGA hat, The Thin Blue Line flag, the Trump posters, and The BLM fist—to name a few—often accompanied stories detailing the brewing cultural tension.

Law Enforcement and the Thin Blue Line flag existed in opposition to the BLM movement. So if one was only familiar with the pro-BLM argument, and was as disheartened with grief as I was to hear any opposing cases, the meaning assigned to the Thin Blue Line flag no longer communicated the courage and bravery of law enforcement, but rather that the bearer of that symbol sided with police officers who murder innocent, unarmed black men.

If you supported athletes' choice to stand during the singing of the national anthem, rather than kneeling in protest, in over-simplified reasoning, you supported the killing of black men. The further this meaning-to-symbol relationship was exacerbated through fear-mongering media—especially social media, where news travels best when laced with negativity—the further the meaning ascribed to certain symbols waxed sour.

Therefore, the progression of meaning in my mind, energized by the media, devolved this way:

Wearing or waving the American flag is associated with patriotism.

If you're patriotic, you're most likely a conservative.

Only conservatives oppose BLM.

Opposing BLM means that you support the killing of black people.

Therefore, waving the American flag means you support the killing of black people.

We also see this same re-education of benign signs into something indicative of harm in the recent lawsuit filed against Penn State at Abington, where the boss of plaintiff Zack K. DePiero, Liliana Naydan, allegedly told writing faculty that “white supremacy exists in language itself, and therefore, that the English language itself is ‘racist’ and, furthermore, that white supremacy exists in the teaching of writing of English, and therefore writing teachers are themselves racist white supremacists…”

Now imagine that it's not just the American flag that warrants this ungracious interpretation of meaning, but other icons of American culture: an eagle, American football, a pair of cowboy boots. For those steeped in critical social justice ideology, interfacing with these objects (and I'll speak for my former self) is aggravating on an average day. But seeing these concept-crept-visual-ideas all in one weekend, over and over again, paired with loud explosives and laughter, distorts the character of loved ones opting to celebrate the 4th of July, and as a black individual, lends to a sense of distrust because once more, bearing the American flag with pride means you support the killing of black people—with pride.

All of this—the concept creep, the concentration of offensive symbolism, the narrative—contributed to a sense of catastrophization on the 4th. Catastrophization is a cognitive distortion that leads you to assume the worst case scenario out of a relatively generic circumstance. In my case, I was brought to tears under a burden of anxiety because I allowed my brain to interpret every sign of America, including a date dedicated to the celebration of its independence, as something just left of a lynch mob dancing on my lawn.

What Changed My Mind

If you aren't familiar with how I broke the grip of cultish indoctrination as a whole, forgiveness played a key role in setting me free. But my attitude shift towards the 4th of July began amid the insanity of 2020.

I was hit with the sting of cognitive dissonance after COVID-minded public health officials failed to call George Floyd protesters back indoors. The protesters were instead given the green light to do what we had been warned against repeatedly out of love for others. I couldn't quite tell—did these people who declared support for BLM, actually care about black lives?

They allowed good people to go outside and do the thing we had been warned would kill us all. That transcends inconsiderate. The people that were supposed to be the 'good guys' were no better than Derek Chauvin. And that forced me to think more critically about who the 'good guys' were, and what exactly caring for the marginalized really looks like.

I started to question what was in it for them to maintain such dangerously contradictory positions. Somehow, somewhere, someone was lying. But why lie? Why distort the compassion of well-meaning individuals? This line of questioning led me to the obvious-–money and power.

Around this time, I turned to a refreshing pair of news anchors, Krystal Ball and Saagar Enjeti, who at the time had a segment on The Hill's YouTube channel called Rising, and I was impressed by their similarly aligned remarks concerning the contradiction of stay-at-home orders—especially since Krystal and Saagar's observations were from both the right and left—and felt some peace and validation in questioning the powers that be.

I questioned the fear that fueled media, and the censorship machine that went to work to squash varied opinions on COVID and quarantine measures. I questioned the power that tech corporations had to minimize voices at will. I questioned every one from Don Lemon to Patrisse Cullors, to the celebrity cohort that marched in lockstep with the 'right' idea. I had always questioned Donald Trump, but I allowed myself to question Joe Biden—why was a white old guy all of a sudden the arbiter of blackness?

I questioned so much that I began to question questions—specifically why people were paying dearly for merely voicing them? That led me to revisit a little American idea called Free Speech—once a textual sign for intolerant rednecks, and now, my last hope towards freedom from a form of slavery that I had no idea was slowly choking out my mental health.

I realized that it was this freedom to think, to express new paths of reasoning, to outwardly question those in authority, to protest injustice, or to express oneself uniquely, that many Americans remembered and honored when they beheld the symbol of the flag.

Over many months, I meditated on the reality that the United States is ultimately structured to protect the smallest minority—the individual. There is something to be said about how even the collective identity of blackness turns on its own once certain questions threaten sacred cows like the Black Lives Matter movement or the status of oppression. Anywhere that groupthink can be formed, totalitarianism has a chance to consume the participants of said group.

Being told what to think by conforming to group ideals made me a slave to fear, and allowing myself to reorganize how I thought set me—the individual—free. Learning how to think has afforded me the freedom to reinterpret symbols with more grace. It's also placed the control to assign meaning to symbols, signs, gestures and words back into my own hands. I don't need to depend on cash-hungry newscasters to tell me who to love or hate. And I won't leave it to billion-dollar corporations to manipulate me into surrendering my ability to reason—they won't get me to roll-over on command. This freedom to question popular ideas, re-evaluate their truth and efficacy, and communicate my findings without jail time—as I am doing now—is partly why those annoying fireworks pop-off as fiercely as they do.

For those who have grown up here in the United States in struggle, I'm not diminishing your experience by declaring my old beliefs completely moot. The economic disparity grieves me. The American Dream slowly fading away from my generation and the one to come, frightens me. Wrongful sentencing in this country's brutal penal system breaks my heart. The glaring disparities that rip through various demographic lines infuriate me. No, rather, my new position is founded on the reality that without American ideals—voting rights, freedom of speech, checks and balances—those issues will be so much harder to address, let alone fix. (Trust me, I'm ethnically Ugandan)

While the United States has a lot to work on, given its checkered past, maintaining the freedom to progress towards a better future, or preserve what has worked for us in the past, is worth celebrating. This year I celebrate freedom from the lens that was my own imprisonment.

#July 4th #independence day #patriotism #patriotic #american flag #BLM #black lives matter #catastrophizing #paranoia #concept creep #mental health #mental health issues #antiracism #antiracism as religion #religion is a mental illness

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