#bless tumblr for letting me make gifs this fucking big

[harellan]

𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐲 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭? 𝐇𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐰𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞?

[roturo]

Written All Over Your Face dick grayson x reader

→ summary: “Well, you know what they say, Love and Hate are two sides of a very, very thin line. For what I can see, you have a pent up sexual frustration written all over your face Dick.”

→ warnings: SMUT. p in v, unprotected sex (don't be dumb and wrap it), enemies to lovers, heroe!reader, breeding kink, bulge kink ¿?, not proof-read, possessive behavior, begging...

words: 2k

TUMBLR IS BASED ON A REBLOG SYSTEM. PLEASE REBLOG MY WORK. THANK YOU. ENJOY. SMUT BELOW THE CUT.

Being a heroe wasn't easy. Neither being considered a competition for Nightwing. The Ex-Robin. The Dick Grayson.

Both being ¨super-heroes¨ with no powers brought many controversial articles between you two, not only at the Gotham-Batman times, but also now at the new Titans times.

You never thought seeing him again and his boyish smile and attitude. No wonder why he has many girls falling for him, not only as Nightwing, but also as his real identity. But this rough times between the heroes, made the destiny bringing you together again.

Both of you had mutual friends, and when Dawn invited you to meet the new Titans, and asked you for help to train them, you never thought of seeing him again, neither of both of you training teenage kids how to become high quality-trained super heroes.

¨Sorry.¨ Were the last words you heard from Dawn, when she left you with bird boy at the training room, giving you an apologetic smile.

God bless her natural charm and being the trusting friend she is because you couldn't hit her face right now with the rage you're feeling.

¨Hi!¨ A green-haired boy said to you, he had the same, maybe not as pretty, boyish smile like Grayson. ¨Hello...?¨

¨Gar.¨ He told you, not putting down the smile.

With just a nod and a not so happy smile, your eyes moved into a purple-haired girl, who just smiled at you and said her name. ¨Rachel.¨ She hit the boy next to her with her elbow, murmuring his name.

¨Jason.¨ He said, ¨Is this your girlfriend Dick? Because she's pretty good looking for a guy like you. But yeah, what she's doing here anyways?¨

Oh. Yeah. Bird boy. He's here.

¨Yeah Grayson, what’s going on?¨ Completely ignoring the fact Dick was about to answer Jason’s question with furrowed brows and you obviously knowing why you're here since Dawn explained you. ¨And no, i'm not his girlfriend.¨ You looked at Jason with a smile which changed into a fake smile when your eyes returned to Dick. ¨He wishes.¨ You said, your head turning to the side, obviously trying to make him angry. At which he only scoffed, knowing you well enough to know what you were trying. ¨Yeah number two, maybe we can just pass at me explaining you why you´re here.¨

Number two? He WISHES.

¨I know why am I here. I don´t know if your little brain remembers you made Dawn bring me here to help you train this kids.¨ You got closer to him, not breaking eye contact. ¨And number two? pfft, If you were number one, maybe you wouldn't have been replaced by new Robin here.¨

That got him exactly where you wanted him. He might seem like a strong and rough guy, but behind all that image of big boy, there’s nothing else but trauma.

You couldn’t help but notice how his jaw clenched at the small giggle Jason let when you mentioned Dick being replaced. Side-eyeing him, Jason stopped. Dick sighed trying to calm himself down.

“First. I didn’t know Dawn brought you here, she just told me about bringing the perfect person to help me train them, I was not expecting you.” You could tell he was still angry at the remark, so he wanted to correct you. “Second. I didn’t got replaced. I left Wayne by choice of mine.”

“And third. I’m not longer Robin.”

It got into a really tense vibe between you and Dick trying to kill each-other with just your eyes, everyone in silence, clearly uncomfortable at this new encounter.

“Can both of you stop eye-fucking eachother and can we finally start the training?” Jason said, trying to bring both of you back to earth.

That clearly caught both of your attention to what Jason said, clearly annoyed at the wrong remark of how both of you were looking at each-other. “We’re not “eye-fucking” each-other Jason, stop getting into other’s people conversations.” With that, Dick started grabbing everything for the training of today, moving on. Jason just raised his arms at the air, (like when they’re showing they’re not armed), with a small smirk on his face.

“Well, you know what they say, Love and Hate are two sides of a very, very thin line. For what I can see, you have a pent up sexual frustration written all over your face Dick.”

That brought a hard, and big laugh to your face, how could Jason say that? This kids don’t even respect their “leader” This was going to be a funny training.

After what seemed like 1 hour of training, and getting to know the kids, you could get which were the flaws and weaknesses. Maybe you couldn’t understand quite well Rachel’s powers, but some time will do it.

You asked Gar where you could sleep the night, since it was already getting late and your most likely staying some days here, you'll also need some extra clothes at least for today.

Gar told you to stay in the spare room next's to Dick's, great, what a nice neighbor you have. He also gave you some clothes you could use tonight, tomorrow you could go back to your place and get some clothes, your skincare.... and I guess your super-hero suit.

When going out of the bathroom after a long shower (which you deserved), Dick was standing there, shirtless, all sweaty, and just with some grey sweatpants on... he looks.... nice, yeah. Obviously annoyed but when he saw you, his face turned into... panic?

He doesn't know what's happening to him right now, might be stress he needs to get relieved, yeah, sure, that's the reason he feels his pants getting tighter every-second he keeps looking at you right now.

¨Are you okay bird-boy why´re you just static over here, I know you have problems, but this a new one.¨ You looked up and down at Dick's figure, obviously checking him out, not like he needs to find out, noticing he´s quite handsome, not like you would tell him also, he's hot, and he knows it.

¨That´s... That´s my shirt¨ Was all that Dick could say, well, shit.

You knew the t-shirt had a distinct laundry soap scent which remind you of someone, and maybe a pint of perfume, but who could blame you?! Might be Gar's or Jason's!

¨And those... are my boxers.¨ double shit.

You could see he was obviously blushed and you're sure you are too, but what a coincide. It's like you could hear Rachel, Gar and Jason's laughing at the both of you.

¨Well... do want me to give them back at you?¨ You broke the tense silence, trying to take your, his, shirt-off, completely forgetting you're in front of him, you needed to find a way out of here.

¨No, no, no, stop! Leave it there, then you give it back to me.¨ He assured you, grabbing your hands and pulling them down with your, his? t-shirt. ¨And it looks better on you anyways.¨ That's all he said before speed entering to the bath-room.

¨Hey Dick!, Wait.¨ To say you couldn't feel the wetness of your pussy going out and asking for some relief, would be considered a crime. ¨What do you ne-¨ You cut him off by entering the bath-room closing the door in the process, both of your lips connecting in a perfect symphony like they were made for each-other. He left a sudden whine at the loss of the soft touch of your lips.

¨Oh.¨ Was all he could say, you don't understand what happened to you, it wasn't definitely a normal behavior between you two. ¨Oh my god. I'm so sorry Dick, I don't know what happened to me, i'm-¨ You couldn't finish the last sentence when you felt his lips in yous again. A little hesitant this time, he stops, unsure of his actions, but he lose it all. ¨Do it again.¨

That's all he needed to continue kissing you, hands caressing you neck, positioning them as a chocking posture, later going to trace your jaw as he continues kissing you.

He started giving you kisses trailing down your chin, making you moan at the specific spot that made your legs shake, he started leaving love bites between your chest, later going down on you, pulling your t-shirt upwards, getting between your breasts and marking them as his.

¨Please Dick... Please make me feel good.¨ It´s like something got into him when his hands started roaming your body like crazy, pulling your shirt off, your hand reaching his sweatpants, and later his cock, noticing he has no underwear under neat it. ¨It's like you were ready for this bird-boy, ah!-¨ Even when you try to tease him, he finds a way to tease you back even in a better way, his fingers playing with your nipple had you giddy and trembling. ¨Be a good girl if you want me to fuck you.¨

All you could do is nod and start stroking his hard cock, already leaking pre-cum which made the stroking easier, playing with the head had him as a moaning mess.

“Fuck, wait — shit. Mm— fuck. Wh-where did you learn to do that?” He left a whiny moan at the lose of your touch.

“Well, the noises you make are a pretty good indication of how you like it.” He man-handled you, turning you around, making you see yourself at the mirror.

“…God you sound so fucking cocky right now and it’s turning me on even more.”  He ripped apart the boxers you were wearing. ¨Don't worry, I have plenty more.¨ Fuck him and his fucking pretty smile.

With no more waiting, he positioned himself, and started thrusting into you. He fits just right, and could touch all the places you couldn't reach.

“Let me know if I’m doing anything wrong, okay? I want to make you feel as good as possible.” Even when he's fucking your brains out, he finds a way to be that kind and nice guy he is.

“O-Okay.”  Was all you could tell him, before & after some moans and whines from both of you, one specific thrust had you seeing stars.

His hand lingered down your tummy and he moaned at the bump he could feel, when he was going in and out with his thrusts. ¨Oh baby, I'm going to make you mine, fill you up.¨

He started playing with your clit, it had you crazy all the feelings of his body, his thrusts, him.

¨´You´re so good for me, all for me... 'm gonna' fill you up with my babies, 'm gonna make you a mommy, full of my cum every-day just to make sure.¨

That was all you needed to cum, with just some last thrusts he came inside you too, fulfilling his promise of keeping you full of his cum. He waited for you to calm down, before he inserted two of his fingers, recollecting the cum that was falling out your hole, inserting it inside you again, making you moan at the sudden intrusion.

He got the tub ready, and got you inside it, in front of him while he cleaned your sore body while kissing it.

¨I can't believe it took me all this years to realize how I feel about you.¨ Your heart was anxious at how your confession would be received.

¨Doesn't take an idiot to figure out. You couldn't tell I was and I am in love with you because you were too busy trying to beat all that rivalry. I was in love the moment you kicked my ass for the first time.¨

You chuckled at the confession, and laid your head on his shoulder where you could see his dumb smirk. ¨You have that stupid smirk on your face again, can't you have a serious conversation with me?, can we fight again?¨

He laughed at your comment ¨Not a possible thing for me when you look this cute all marked by me and confessing your feelings for me.¨ The small pecks he started leaving on your neck and back had you giggling.

¨I love you.¨

¨I love you too, bird-boy.¨

[pastafossa]

Charlie Cox experience at Philly Fan Expo 2023

So LET”S TALK ABOUT ME MEETING CHARLIE. I’m actually going to make two posts - this one just about my experiences with Charlie, because they were incredibly meaningful and deserve their own post, and then another one about the rest of the con!

I’m going to talk about Charlie first, because of how amazing the experience was, one of the best I’ve had, especially at the autograph table. I’ve done photos, gotten autographs and such before from other celebs - from niche voice actors I loved to people like David Tennant - but this felt Really Really Big. Obviously, I was nervous as all hell because holy shit Charlie Cox, my favorite actor whose work altered the course of my life. I won’t lie - I’d been practicing what to say to him in case I freaked out, but I’m happy to say that everyone who reassured me it would go great, because he was so, so genuine and kind, were right.

The photo op happened first (and thank you to everyone on tumblr guiding me where to go, cause I was LOST about where that was happening), and that went fast. By that point in the con hall, I’d already ditched my Jessica Jones jacket and gloves cause holy shit it’s hot and I am a creature of snow and ice, and my hair was a mess, but honestly I didn’t care, cause there he is. You don’t get long, but he made the most of it and he was SO sweet. Ya’ll, he asked my name, said my name as he shook my hand, and called me ‘my dear’ in that beautiful voice.

I was literally on the moon, but it was time for the big question:

Will he hold the red thread from TRT?

So in a quiet, nervous, soft author voice, I asked, ‘would you be ok with holding this end of the thread?’

HE FUCKING DID.

HE HELD IT.

HE HELD. THE. RED. THREAD.

I’m fairly certain he doesn’t know about the fic at this point - he wasn’t sure where to hold it until I told him, but he loved that it lit up! AND THEN HE PUT HIS ARM AROUND ME AND I GOT TO PUT MY ARM AROUND HIM BACK.

I’m fairly certain I’m dead in the photo. My soul had left my body. I had ascended. I saw Jesus and he looked like Charlie. I had achieved fic author heights never imagined. My brain filled with enough serotonin and dopamine to sink a ship. I didn’t care that I was hot and sweaty or that my hair was messy or that my cosplay didn’t work out like I’d planned. I had been blessed.

also look at that forearm holy shit

I floated outta that gd room ya’ll. I’m pretty sure @wonderlandmind4​ did the same. WE FROLICKED OUT OF THAT HALL LIKE

But things got even better at the autograph table, and I had one of the most touching experiences ever.

not me tearing up thinking about it.

That line was long, but I kept getting glimpses of him and I could already tell he was enjoying interacting with people, and he was making sure everyone got their bit of time with him instead of letting anyone rush people through. He was so happy looking, laughing and grinning, high fives and fist bumps for kids, chatting with fans. Which made me feel a little more confident.

I know some people wondered if I’d tell him about TRT, and I’d already decided I wasn’t going to. Instead, I really, really wanted just a second to tell him what his work as Daredevil had meant for me, as someone who became disabled around the same time Matt did as a kid, and who related to... a lot of what Matt went through in the show. I’d practiced it over and over again, and there was only a fifty percent chance I wouldn’t start crying while telling him, and I wasn’t even sure I’d have time to tell him depending on how much time we had.

He made time.

I got up to him with my art print holy shit he’s even more beautiful in person and his eyes are STUNNING. He said hi, and asked my name so he could personalize the autograph if I wanted (DUH, YES PLEASE), and he apologized about the line after we shook hands. I jokingly told him it was fine since I’d driven hours to get here. A little time in line wasn’t a bother. He even loved one of the buttons on my lanyard - the button of Matt wearing a heart crown specifically! And as he was writing, I knew this was my chance to tell him. He was still signing, so I just decided to go for it in case I ran out of time.

“I just wanted to tell you,” I said quietly, “as someone who became disabled as a kid around the same age as Matt did—”

And then he did something I didn’t expect, something I’d rarely seen anyone do, famous or not, and something I’d never had an actor or artist do for me.

He immediately set down the pen, leaned in close over the table, and made direct eye contact, while giving me the most genuine, gentle, encouraging smile I’d ever seen.

In that moment, I knew everything in him was listening, that he cared about what I was about to say and recognized that this was important to me, and that he’d closed the distance to make this conversation just... us. It felt personal in a way I’ve never experienced at a con or signing.  

Just like that, I wasn’t afraid to tell him what I’d wanted to.

“And as someone who related to... a lot of what Matt went through, his struggles in the show, and especially the dark parts of season 3,” I said, more confidently now, “I wanted you to know that all the work you put in, the way you played it, the way you played Matt and treated it seriously, seeing that helped me process and heal from a lot of my own trauma and pain over what I’ve gone through with my illnesses. What you did was important and it really helped me. So I wanted you to know that, how much that meant to me, and to say thank you.”

The whole time I spoke to him, he kept direct eye contact, and didn’t look away once. He didn’t get antsy, or look like he wanted me to hurry up (which I’d have understood, cause damn, these are long days for him). He listened, fully engaged and leaning in, his eyes warm and soft and kind but incredibly serious. I’m not sure how often he’s been told something like this—a lot, I expect; his portrayal was just that good, and I know it was important to a lot of fans—but what I was trying to tell him clearly meant something to him. I felt heard, seen, and understood.

Charlie really does care about his fans. It isn’t an act. I’m sure of it now.

“Thank you, truly,” he said, just as quietly but with that honest smile, eye crinkles and all, and seeing it in person, that close up, I swear the room felt ten times brighter. “Thank you for coming to tell me that. It means a lot, the idea that something I did meant so much and that it could help you. I’m so grateful that you were able to come visit and tell me.”

We shook hands after that. He wished me a good day and I told him thank you again, and that was that. The interaction only lasted maybe a minute, but it meant the absolute world to me, as did what he’s done as Daredevil. And now he knows that.

[lucysarah-c]

I posted 927 times in 2022

That's 405 more posts than 2021!

555 posts created (60%)

372 posts reblogged (40%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@jayteacups

@hauntedhousecat

@levisbrat25

@postwarlevi

@happybird16

I tagged 455 of my posts in 2022

#levi ackerman - 246 posts

#aot - 232 posts

#levi - 231 posts

#attack on titan - 226 posts

#snk - 222 posts

#shingeki no kyojin - 220 posts

#captain levi - 216 posts

#levi aot - 216 posts

#snk levi - 213 posts

#attack on titans - 208 posts

Longest Tag: 128 characters

#sorry it's just that i do think that levi would be a good boyfriend but noone is perfect no one and everybody has stuff to learn

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Heard me out!

Levi has dimples and almost nobody knows this because he doesn't smile frequently and he inherited them from his mother. It makes him look so cute when he smiles.

357 notes - Posted February 6, 2022

#4

Levi as a father of a teen: tch, the fucking audacity of that kid. I wonder where the fuck did he get the attitude.

Levi as a 20s something joining the scouts: FUCK THE POLICE, THE KING CAN SUCK MY DICK. what did you call me, dickhead??? Why don't you say it to my face? Yeah that's what I thought, pussy.

366 notes - Posted October 4, 2022

#3

Levi: Years of dating a drama queen had taught me invaluable tactics. Like the whole deal of "let's go out to eat" and then it's a well-known scene of "Ok, what are we getting?" "What do you want?" "Anything" "Italian food" "no" "seafood" "no" "then what?" "Anything". Instead of that, I've been doing this technique for the last 2 years and it's working amazingly so far.

Levi walks to Y/N that's laying on her bed

Levi: let's eat out tonight.

Y/N: Oh what are we getting?

Levi: take a guess.

Y/N: *thinking and smiling brightly excited* Are we getting sushi?!

Levi: Yes, go get dressed.

Y/N: *kisses him on the cheek* Yay! I'm going to wear that new dress.

*Y/N leaves the room*

Levi:... Sushi will be then

385 notes - Posted September 18, 2022

#2

Levi before dating Y/N.

Erwin: Do you know Jennie?

Levi: No.

Erwin: Yeah, Jennie from the garrison. Long blond hair?

Levi: No.

Erwin: gosh Levi we talk to her about some papers yesterday!

Levi: Ahhhh ... I didn't even know her name was Jennie.

Levi dating Y/N:

Erwin: Do you remember John? From the MPs? He's been acting weird.

Levi: Yeah, the asshole was sleeping with Grace from the bar that's at the intersection of the streets "the kings pride and Sant Michel" at the third district of Stohess. She works there from 8am to 3pm as a waitress and apparently they saw her talking to his wife, because some nurses from the orthodox church of Mitras said that she went with a 3 weeks old pregnancy. Now his boss, Robert, is asking him to solve the issue because he's damaging the image of the team. His wife has papers and prof for divorce but that's a big fucking no no for the MPs.

Erwin:....

Levi: Y/N's friends have tea time at my office.

Erwin: That explains a lot.

459 notes - Posted November 21, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Levi: You know what disturbs me? Y/N: What? Levi: When people are in the middle of a business meeting or a huge family gathering, with the fucking grandparents there and all. Then, a couple says "we are trying for a baby" as the most innocent and pure shit to say. Everybody is like "aww so cute, lots of blessings, yadda yadda". It may be the only chance you can say out loud in public "yeah, he's pounding me so hard every night as if I'm a kitchen drawer that doesn't close. At this rate, I may be holding an entire milk factory inside me," as if its the sweetest thing ever. Y/N:...Thank you, now that'll be the only thing I think about the next time someone says that. Levi: Great, so now I'm not the only one who finds it fucking awkward.

465 notes - Posted November 21, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[sophie-i-guess13]

I posted 5,587 times in 2022

That's 5,587 more posts than 2021!

2,767 posts created (50%)

2,820 posts reblogged (50%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@outsiders-lesbian-xvi

@rumble-aint-a-rumble-without-me

@collieflower215

@the-kneesbees

@cleverclove

I tagged 3,376 of my posts in 2022

Only 40% of my posts had no tags

#soapie’s stuff - 2,782 posts

#asks! - 1,881 posts

#lee! - 936 posts

#lee this is a blessing - 765 posts

#the outsiders - 384 posts

#the outsiders fanfiction - 183 posts

#james! - 130 posts

#dillo’s replies - 110 posts

#sophie i guess13 - 109 posts

#tim shepard - 102 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#i actually have a walkman from ‘92 but it broke (and i don’t have the materials to fix it just yet so i might as well keep an eye out for

I sent 1 gift in 2022

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Haha.

Nice.

45 notes - Posted November 18, 2022

#4

Buck : this is the fourth time I’ve had to bail you out this month. Keep this up, and I’ll have to start stripping to keep the lights on.

46 notes - Posted October 17, 2022

#3

Hello hope you doing well :) #8 With Steve? Sorry it's late

8. hugging while walking

Hi! Hope you’re doing well too! I’m gonna assume you wanted an x reader for this one :)

Elongated shadows paint the sidewalk as they move down the street, hand in hand. It’s a warm afternoon in October, the perfect time to slip away during the lunch hour and walk the six blocks over to the DX. Now that lunch was almost over, Steve was walking Y/N back.

“Y’know what, Steve?” Y/N asks suddenly, “I think I’m gonna try and get a job this month.”

They freeze in the middle of the sidewalk, Steve’s large hand still fully incapsulating Y/N’s. “You don’t want a job,” he chuckles. “They’re so much work-“

“That’s the point, Steve. I don’t see what the big deal is, you have a job-“

“I have a job because I have nothing else goin’ for me, Y/N. If my old man wasn’t all over me, I woulda dropped out by now.” His voice is much lower now; quieter as his arm slides around Y/N’s waist and holds them close, willing their steps to synchronize as they walk. “Just focus on school, yeah? You’re plenty smart. I’m saving up to take care of you already.”

53 notes - Posted July 30, 2022

#2

Curly Shepard loves photography. Specifically, candid shots of his siblings. He keeps a secret album beneath his bed, all with a little blurb on the back.

He kind of uses them as a diary - things he’ll never say to them out loud.

There's one of Tim asleep on the couch, it's obvious he fell asleep waiting for Curly to get home. So, on the back, Curly’s written “I know you worry about us. I'm sorry.”

There's one of Angela doing her makeup, getting ready for a date. “Bryon Douglas is a douchebag who doesn't deserve you- I dunno why you're getting all dressed up for him. You look pretty without all that make up anyway.”

His favourite ones are when they're both smiling, he has a specific page dedicated to those ones.

74 notes - Posted September 11, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

12 year old Dallas, fresh outta NYC: you’re a hillbilly. I don’t have to listen to you.

A 17 year old Buck, wondering why he just let this kid in his car: I prefer the term redneck, you fucking orphan.

285 notes - Posted August 2, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[call-sign-shark]

Reb, my mind is buzzing right now! I have been looking for this update on your blog every day, by fear Tumblr didn't tag me. That is the extent of my obsession. My apologies if my comment is a. long as fuck b. completely incoherent but I am excited and I have so many things to say!

The first thing that I want to say is how the relationship between Nina and her mother makes me thrive. Taking her rebellious nature into account, it is clever so damn clever to add this feeling of unease each time she takes a longer look at her mom, fearing to become resilient like her. Coming from action-driven media fandoms, it's completely new for me to read long works so focused on small details but you can't imagine how I am enjoying it. You are discussing the misogyny of that time in such an intelligent way that, to some extent, it also echoes our time. Maybe that is one of the many things that make Nina so... Real and endearing. "To some extent, in her family, Nina was already her mother." This is a line I particularly enjoyed, put with simple words but in a oh-so-efficient way that I couldn't help but feel all the injustice of Nina coursing through me. Despite her father's sweet love, she is indeed already a mother to them: she is expected to take care of others and be obedient to prepare her for motherhood. With that being said, I wonder what is Nina's take on children... If she likes them or not, if she wishes to have kids in the future, with the right man, or if she is reluctant to the idea.

The juxtaposition of this scene along with Tommy in his bedroom, musing while looking at the ring was powerful. And what I absolutely adore in your portrayal of Tommy is how human you make him because, all in all, he's just a simple mortal man. This leads me to this "Because he was not afraid to die" // And she had learned he was not a Devil, like everybody called him" rdjgeiszjfozrko ok? Perfect. I don't have word strong enough for this.

The slow realization that he is falling for Nina but that the threat of a damn war is still hanging above his head is poignant. This part: "The big diamond ring seemed to stare back at him, and his stomach clenched at the thought that it was time to do what he was expected to do." feels almost eerie, as if the diamond, all shiny and beautiful, was the very object that would seal his fate. And not in a positive way. Once again you create a stark and poetic opposition between the diamond and the memory of Nina's warm skin against his palm, like the line about how he thinks her cheek has been made to fit into his rough hand was just magnificent... It's a little detail, a little gesture but it is definitely the pivotal moment in their relationship.

Then you blessed me with another deep insight of Nina's psyche along with a conversation with her mom and God, this is the highest peak of this chapter (with the kiss, of course). Your mastering of details and body language is truly impressive, and I am still baffled at the thought that English isn't your native language. "She placed a plate with some figs cut in half in front of her. “Eat.” The warm feeling I got in my heart at this moment is indescribable. Nevertheless, I reckon this is purely subjective since it reminds me of my own family (like my mom picking up figs from my nonno's trees and then cutting them for me). Thank you for the "Madeleine de Proust"!! But but but, let's go back to what matters: my little Nina. The whole argument with her mother was wonderfully written: whether it is the dialogue, the unsaid or the silent battle within her mother I am in love. "A strange glimpse crossed her mother’s eyes at her words, but it didn’t last more than an instant" This. Nina's a clever girl and I love how it's also her mom's case. What makes this scene even more breathtaking is how Nina's own fire manages to briefly ignite her mother's. This was a short but intense connection between mother and daughter, even if it was soon cut short by Maria's adamant resignation. The whole speech about the feeling of hunger had me in bits because this is the moment you can see that Maria is not just "the mom" despite restricting herself to this role. “It feels like bites. Hunger, I mean.” This was utterly devastating. In truth, I can't help but understand her point of view: it's true that, through her eyes, Nina has everything and that it's logical she feels so grateful for their dad's work. Yet, at the same time, it must have been painful for Nina and only fueled her guilt... And this cutie pie doesn't deserve this, especially not now with her inner turmoil concerning Tommy.

And finally, finally THE KISSING SCENE. I am not joking when I say I was literally giggling and clapping in front of my laptop, almost spilling my cup of tea on my bed. I know I often say this when I comment on your story but Reb, babe, what the fuck? How the hell do you create such powerful, vivid, and immersive scenes with your words as your sole weapon? I am dying at your description of the touch between Nina and Tommy. I adored the part his hand traveled on her body and they kissed so much that I've reread it again and again. The mix of softness and roughness due to his anticipation was just so... Tommy. You've got a knack to write him. And the tension! Can we talk about the tension of their conversation, with Nina trying to shove her emotions back from where they came to focus on the well-being of her family? And they dare say that this girl is trouble... Oh! Wake up! She is able to literally destroy herself because she understands the business and she wants to protect her family.

“This thing,” he emphasized, as if pondering her words. The way his deep voice echoed in the silence of the room awakened something inside her, and heat crept up her cheeks. “Tell me,” he squinted his eyes, starting to walk in her direction with slow, measured steps. “What is it that we’re doing?” I had to quote the whole passage here because, fuck, fuck, I could see it just like a movie scene. The squinting eyes, the hoarse voice, and then the way he traps her between his body and the table... My heart can't get over it. And with this wonderful chapter came the best quote, probably my favorite for this post: "And despite everything, it felt right." You're recurring use of the wrong/write opposition has given so much power to these two words.

It was a fantastic new installment of your series. Moreover, things are getting real now! They have KISSED and now I'm not sure they are going to back up (please, we DON'T want them to stop now). This is a masterpiece, your series is a fucking masterpiece. I can't wait to see what will happen with Agnese, how they will face the truth, how their love will grow... Please please Reb, I need more! 🖤

On a less intellectual note:

"Tommy allowed himself a moment to admire the way the white cotton of her nightgown brought out her tan skin and dark hair." = What a freaking hottie, with her lavender and honey scents. Bro I get you, I would have fucked her a hundredth time in my mind already.

Heart, Body and Soul || Tommy Shelby x OC

PART VI

Summary: After the events of the previous day, Tommy and Nina are forced to come to terms with a truth they have refused to acknowledge for far too long.

Warnings: mentions of arranged marriage, slow-burn, small age-gap (Tommy’s 30, Nina is in her early 20s), time-typical misogyny, mentions of attempted assault, no proofreading, English is not my first language. This is set between season 1 and 2.

A/N: like in the last chapter, there are some dialogues which are supposed to be in Italian, which I chose to write in English for the sake of the readers (and mine, ‘cause otherwise I should’ve translated lots of stuff). In this case, it is the second dialogue between Nina and her mother. I’m sorry for the long wait, and thank you for bearing with me!

PREVIOUS PART

SERIES MASTERLIST

Gif credit

Dividers credit

The first light of the morning filtered through the lace curtains of the kitchen window, bathing the room in a warm glow. Holding a cup of coffee in her hands, Nina stared into space, the events of the night before repeatedly playing in her mind. Tommy’s touch still lingered against her cheek, hesitant and tender as he touched her with a gentleness she had never known before. A gentleness that made her lean even closer, eager to feel more of the bare brushing of their lips, that made her wonder what it would feel like if she allowed herself to melt into him. His strong body seemed like a safe space, like something steady and reliable. But that warm, unfamiliar feeling was soon replaced by the blast of cold that suddenly hit her when he moved away.

How could she have been so stupid?

She had let her emotions get the best of her, and humiliated herself for nothing. It wasn’t him that she wanted. What she wanted was to get rid of the skin-crawling feeling that Stefano’s hands had left on her, so she had clung to the first person who had offered her a hint of safety and comfort. What a fool she had been, for forgetting that the only person who could ever bring her safety and comfort was herself. For letting Stefano mess her up once again. It was all a game of power to him, he had played her like a pawn, and she had fell for it. Because Stefano did what he did to let her know that he could do everything he wanted to her, if he just decided to. With the blood boiling in her veins, she promised to herself she wouldn’t let him hold that much power over her, she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of making her cave. She’d go on as if nothing happened, but without forgetting what he did. And when the right time came, she’d make him regret ever daring to lay his filthy hands on her. He had tormented her for years, tried to force her into a marriage, scared and threatened her in her own home, a place where she was supposed to be safe. He would pay for that.

“Sei già sveglia?” (You’re up already?)

Her mother’s voice pulled Nina out of her thoughts, and only then did she realise how tight her hold around the cup’s handle had become. She loosened her grip, a sigh escaping her lips as the pain of her own nails digging in her palm eased. Sinking lower in her seat, she fixed her gaze upon a crack in the wooden table, well aware that she couldn’t escape Maria Ferrante’s ever-observant eye. “Sono andata a letto presto, ieri.” (I went to bed early, yesterday.)

The older woman walked further into the kitchen, squinting her eyes as if she had spotted something. Still carefully avoiding her gaze, Nina watched her get closer from under her lashes, until she stopped right in front of her. She let out a groan as her mother took ahold of her chin to get a better look at her face. “Che hai in faccia?” (What’s that?)

Nina gulped, her mind trying to find an excuse for the scratch that Stefano had left when he had dug his fingernails in her cheek. “È stato Winston,” she professed, turning her head to free herself from her mother’s grip. (It was Winston.)

The woman mumbled some curses towards the poor animal that, for once, was actually innocent.

“È stata colpa mia,” Nina quickly added. “L’ho fatto arrabbiare.” (It was my fault, I made him angry.)

Maria Ferrante pursed her lips in disapproval, and a frown appeared on those once beautiful features, which had started to wither way too soon under the weight of the years and of a life devoted to caring for others and never herself.

Nina had to restrain herself from breathing a sigh of relief when her mother walked over to the cupboard, letting the matter drop. But as she watched her bustling about to make breakfast for everyone, she was overwhelmed by a mounting sense of unease. It was a familiar feeling, one that had been accompanying her for as long as she could remember, yet she had never been able to figure it out. It usually rose without warning, making her head spin, sending her into a state of distress that made her feel physically sick, and she got the impression there was something deeply wrong with her life. After years of dealing with it, she had found a pattern, and she had realised that most of the times - although not always - it was connected to her mother.

All her life, Nina had feared to become like her. Always silent, always compliant as she let her husband and sons treat her like a slave, pretending not to notice the way they unconsciously looked down on her - because she was not clever, she was ignorant, she wasn’t even able to read or write. She was a wife and a mother before being a person. They loved her, but they loved her like something that belonged to them. And deep down, Nina knew she was loved the same way.

She knew the opinion they had of her was not that distant from the one they had of her mother. It didn’t matter that she had finished school, it didn’t matter how much she kept on studying and learning on her own, it didn’t matter how much she tried to prove that she was capable. She was always a woman. That limitation was the wall the stood between her and the world, and the more she tried to climb over it or walk around it, the taller and wider it grew.

To some extent, in her family, Nina was already her mother.

Standing in front of the mirror in the room that had become his in the last couple of weeks, Tommy straightened his tie, his gaze scanning his whole figure to make sure nothing was out of place. His face was freshly shaved, his suit neatly pressed, his shoes polished. The only jarring note were the purple shadows under his eyes, proof of a sleepless night. Ever since he had left Nina’s room, he had been tormented by a strange feeling of restlessness. He had hardly closed his eyes, his mind relentlessly circling around everything that had been happening in the last month, and everything that was to come. But in that endless vortex, one thought emerged above all others. How was she?

The question nagged at him, making it impossible for him to shift his attention on any other subject. From the moment he had met her, Nina had seemed to him an unbreakable force. She was fierce, and untamable, with a fire in her eyes mighty enough to burn whole cities to the ground. That was why, when he witnessed her vulnerability, he was almost surprised to see that she, too, could be fragile. But with that fragility came a whole different wilfulness, a stubborn refusal to bend that made her even more ardent. More beautiful. And he wondered how many more sides of herself she kept hidden.

Almost a month had passed since his arrival in Sicily, and during time, she had slowly made her way into his head, clouding his judgment. Because he knew he shouldn’t be thinking about her, not when he was courting her cousin. Not when the decision had been made. But the events of that day had put him in front of a truth he had refused to acknowledge, a truth that made him feel something too close to fear.

Last last night more than ever, he couldn’t take his mind off her, off her scent, off the feeling of her soft hair brushing against his skin. Did she have any idea how hard it had been for him to pull away? That he had only left her room because otherwise he wouldn’t have been able to restrain himself any longer? That, had she been in a less vulnerable position, he wouldn’t have hesitated to do what every cell in his body was begging him to do?

Tommy pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to compose himself. There was no need to make things more difficult than they already were. He opened the drawer of his bedside table, revealing the velvety box that had been closed there for far too long. He reached for it and opened it to take a look at the ring he had bought along the necklace he had gifted Agnese a few weeks earlier, when he had declared his intention to marry her. The big diamond ring seemed to stare back at him, and his stomach clenched at the thought that it was time to do what he was expected to do. He snapped the box shut and placed it in the inside pocket of his jacket, telling himself there was no point in dwelling on things that had no chance to exist.

As he headed downstairs, the sound of Nina’s voice came to his ears, and his nerves started tingling with anticipation. How would she act, now? How was he supposed to act? Should he ask her how she was, or should he pretend nothing had happened, just like she told him?

He could tell there was a whole story behind what had happened with Stefano the previous day, one that he wasn’t aware of, and part of him wanted to ask her. The other part, however, feared that she might close off again, and that all the steps forward that they had taken would be erased, taking them back where they started.

Before Tommy could cross the living room, Nina came out of the kitchen, too lost in thought to notice him, at first. But once she did, she stopped in her tracks, and an unreadable expression spread over her features. For the next few seconds, they just looked at each other in complete silence, waiting for the other to say something. The small scratch on her face caught his eye, suddenly taking him back to last night, when he had ran his knuckle over it with a softness he didn’t know he possessed, when he had got the impression that her cheek had been made just to fit perfectly in the palm of his rough hand. How close she had been…

“Good morning.” Nina’s voice harshly brought him back to reality, and it was like a bucked of cold water had been poured over him.

Tommy cleared his voice, struck by an odd feeling of guilt for indulging further in those thoughts. “Morning,” he murmured, recollecting himself. He had to remember where he was, and where his priorities stood. But it was so hard when the warmth of her body so close to his was imprinted on him, and when he could still feel the way her lips had barely brushed against his.

“I’m having lunch at Agnese’s house today,” he blurted out before he could think about what he was saying. And maybe his words had some kind of effect on her, but she was so quick to hide it that he figured he had probably imagined it.

Nina nodded, hoping that whatever she was feeling in that moment wasn’t written all over her face. She wasn’t even sure what it was that she was feeling, she just knew that she didn’t like it. And that it wasn’t right.

Tommy was going to propose.

That awareness knocked the air out of her lungs, and she cursed herself for feeling like that. It was wrong. And she had no right. She had to get a grip and take control of those emotions, before they irreversibly took control of her. Tommy’s icy stare seemed to be piercing right through her, making it impossible for her to focus and formulate some coherent sentence. Fucking blue eyes.

“Good,” it was all she could manage to utter.

Another heavy silence fell down upon them, and the words they really wanted to say - the words they didn’t even have the courage to tell themselves - were left hanging in the air, where they would vanish, sooner or later. Because the things left unsaid would never be real.

In the late afternoon, sitting at the kitchen table, Nina tried to keep herself busy by reading a book, but the words seemed to vanish right in front of her eyes one by one. She was too agitated to read. According to what her brothers had told her before leaving the house earlier that day, the men of the family were currently holding a meeting Tommy Shelby at Agnese’s house. They had mentioned something about Sabini and the next moves, but she had only half-listened to them, her mind occupied by something else entirely. Looking out the window, she glanced at the house on the opposite side of the shared garden, the urge to know what was happening inside it growing with each moment that passed.

“He hasn’t proposed.” Maria Ferrante stormed into the kitchen, carrying a basket full of freshly-picked figs.

Nina blinked, her train of thoughts interrupted by her mother for the second time that day. “What?”

“Mr Shelby hasn’t proposed to Agnese,” she clarified, placing the basket on the table with a thud. Under her daughter’s disconcerted stare, she took some of the figs and walked over to the sink to wash them with hasty, agitated movements. “The poor girl’s desperate, she thinks she has done something wrong.”

It took Nina more than a moment to process her mother’s words, but once she did, it took her way less to realise what that might mean. For her, for Agnese, for the future of her family. As her mind began to race in an all too familiar way, her eyes quickly scanned the room in search for something to focus on in order not to slip into the whirlpool of scattered thoughts, but the clatter caused by the older woman’s fumbling with the cutlery only added to the frenzied state of her brain. Her heart pounded in her chest, drumming in her ears, and she found herself jiggling her leg up and down to ease the tension. Finally, her attention was grabbed by the clock hanging on the wall, and in the second hand her restless gaze found something to hold on to. With each second that passed, her heart decreased its speed and the noise in her mind quietened, bringing her some relief. Closing her eyes, she exhaled a breath, glad to be back in control of herself. “This whole thing was a mistake,” she mumbled, shaking her head.

Even though she was facing away from her mother, Nina could tell she had halted, because the fuss suddenly stopped. “What do you mean?” She asked, but before her daughter had the chance to answer, she placed a plate with some figs cut in half in front of her. “Eat.”

At first, Nina scrunched her nose, sure that the mere sight of food would be enough make her stomach turn. Ever since the events of the previous day, it had been too knotted up for her to feel hungry. However, as soon as the delicious smell of the fruits filled her nostrils her appetite awoke, and she was quick to take a bite. The sweet pulp melted on her tongue, and the sensation almost made her forget what she was about to say. “I mean,” she spoke again after eating the first piece. “That it isn’t the Shelbys we should’ve tried to form an alliance with.”

Her mother’s eyebrows shot upwards, and a disapproving expression made its way on her face. “These things are not our concern,” she reproachfully pointed a finger at her daughter, sitting on a chair in front of her. “Your father and your uncles are doing-”

“They’re doing all the wrong things.” Nina interrupted her, slightly raising her voice. “And it is our concern. It’s our life, we should have a say in it.”

“Your father knows what’s best for this family.”

“Does he?”

Maria Ferrante crossed her arms over her chest, averting her eyes from her daughter’s, and the silence that followed gave Nina the chance to go on. “This was a mistake, you know it too,” she added, lowering her voice again. “You might fool dad by pretending you know nothing about this business, but you can’t fool me.”

A strange glimpse crossed her mother’s eyes at her words, but it didn’t last more than an instant. Her features hardened again, and it was like that subtle, ephemeral emotion had never been there. “What I think is not important.”

This time, it was Nina who chose not to reply. It was useless, after all. Her mother had spent her whole life convinced that all she was born to do was to take care of someone else, without ever being able to make a single decision for herself, or voice her thoughts, and that conviction was too deeply rooted inside her to be eradicated.

“You’re a lucky girl, Nina. You shouldn’t forget that.” Maria leaned over the table, looking her daughter right in the eyes. “Take a look around you. You have a big, nice house with a big, nice garden, and a room you can call your own. You have never known misery, nor hunger,” she paused, her gaze becoming absent, as if getting lost in some old memory. She then leaned back in her chair, staring at a point in front of her. “It feels like bites. Hunger, I mean.”

Nina shifted uncomfortably in her seat, letting those words sink in. Although her mother’s stark expression gave nothing away, she sensed that some old, unforgotten pain was begging to be acknowledged, and she could almost feel that pain as if it were her own.

Coming back to her senses, Maria fixed her eyes on her daughter again, her gaze displaying a fierceness that appeared almost odd on her face. “You don’t know it. You haven’t even known it during the war. That’s all thanks to your father, and what he does.”

Nina watched quietly as mother got up from her chair, starting to busy herself with what needed tidying up. “He does what he does for us. Be grateful, and don’t question his decisions.” Her voice took on a stern tone, one that brooked no arguments, indicating that the discussion was over. “And eat,” she ordered, nodding toward the plate.

Pouring the tea she had just made in a cup, Nina glanced at the clock. Midnight had passed a long time ago, but once again her brain was keeping her up, preventing her from getting some much needed sleep. She’d had lots of time to think, though, and the long, relaxing bath she had taken had helped her free her mind for a while. She could see things more clearly, now.

Her first fear had been that Tommy might decide to go on with the war, but after pondering the subject, she had come to the conclusion that it wasn’t an option. He had proposed an alliance because he knew he had no chance of winning that war, the attacks to his pubs and his men were the proof. Not to mention that if he were to decide to call everything off he would be killed on the spot. The Peaky Blinder Devil was surrounded by potential enemies, with not a single man by his side, and he had willingly put himself in that position.

Because he was not afraid to die.

That was the answer to all of her questions, the missing piece that had prevented her from fully understanding why her family feared him so much, to the point of not even considering to form an alliance with Sabini instead. Tommy Shelby was not afraid to die, therefore, he had no limitations.

But the more she seemed to be close to figuring him out, the more questions rose, and Nina couldn’t explain why - despite all her efforts not to think about him - her mind was so adamant on trying to unravel the mystery that was Tommy Shelby. She had started because she didn’t trust him, because she wanted to know what his true intentions were, because she wanted to try and anticipate his moves - something that the men of her family seemed to fail at. Now she just couldn’t stop, for what she had found was so far from what she had expected.

She couldn’t explain the deep connection she felt to him, a connection that perhaps had always been there, since the very beginning, when all she seemed to feel for him was spite. Even then, there was something drawing them towards one another, forcing them to keep on bickering and bantering, to look for those apparently insignificant quarrels and challenges. Then there were their secret meetings, those nights where time seemed to stand still, where he wasn’t Tommy Shelby, and she wasn’t Nina Ferrante, and they were almost normal people, and they were allowed to let their masks fall. She remembered every laugh he had drawn from of her with the stories of his childhood, every smile she had managed to coax out of him with her witty retorts. And she had learned he was not a Devil, like everybody called him. Behind his steely glare and the layers of ice that protected him like an armour, he was very much human.

There must’ve been a reason why every night since the first casual encounter they had left their rooms in the hope of just enjoying each other’s company. There must’ve been a reason why their eyes begged to meet every time they were in the same room, and their hands longed for the slightest touch. There must’ve been a reason why she was standing there, hoping he would walk through that door.

But that reason didn’t matter. Because in the light of the day, he was Tommy Shelby, she was Nina Ferrante, and he would marry her cousin. Soon he would go back to Birmingham, and she would stay there, going back to the life she had grown to despise. The seas between them would erase the invisible string that seemed to bind them together, and she would forget how he had made her laugh, how she had made him smile. And it would be as if her soul had never met his.

Nina’s heart increased its speed when she heard the footsteps that had become now familiar to her, and she had to remind herself that night wouldn’t be like the others. She had to push him away, restore the distance between them before it was too late. If they crossed that line, there would be no going back.

Silently, Tommy entered the kitchen. All the spontaneity their relationship had acquired over the weeks was gone, and he was unsure how to behave. He didn’t even know what had brought him there again, after he had told himself he had to stop thinking about her. Maybe the same thing that had kept him from proposing to Agnese.

Nina was standing near the table, pouring her usual awful amount of honey in her steaming cup of tea. Leaning against the doorframe, Tommy allowed himself a moment to admire the way the white cotton of her nightgown brought out her tan skin and dark hair. She seemed off guard, but he knew she was aware of his presence. Once she was done, she gazed at him, and her fiery eyes shone in the dim light, pinning him right where he stood.

“I was thirsty,” he explained after a moment of hesitation, walking further into the room.

Without saying a word, Nina took a glass from one of the cabinets and poured water in it. When she handed it to him, her fingers brushed against his, and shivers of electricity raced across his skin. With the proximity, he was engulfed by the scent of lavender and honey that had been plaguing him in his sleep, making him long for something he could never have.

He would never feel anything like that with Agnese.

Nina took a few steps back, breaking the bubble that formed every time they were close to each other. Tommy tightened his grip around the glass for a second, then placed it on the table. He didn’t need to pretend it hadn’t been just an excuse to see her. He searched for something to say, but Nina beat him to it, and what she said next felt like a stab through his chest.

“You should propose to Agnese.”

She wasn’t even looking at him. She was cold, distant, almost like the day they had met. Taken aback by her sudden statement, Tommy blinked, hoping he had misheard. “What?”

“You’ve been courting her long enough,” she said bitterly.

Nina’s words aroused a certain anger in Tommy, the same anger he felt every time he sensed that his hand was being forced. But it wasn’t just anger, there was something else with that. “It’s not your place to decide-”

“It is my fucking place,” she snapped, finally turning to look at him. “This is my family. And the more we wait, the more we give Sabini the time to act against us.”

Tommy’s expression changed, and all the annoyance she had read moments before on his face gave way to something else. He raised his eyebrows in a mocking way, taking a look around before shifting his gaze on her again. “So you’ve finally admitted it,” he he said, and the shadow of a smug smirk appeared on his face.

“Admitted what?” She seethed.

“That your family needs my family.”

Nina snorted, fighting the urge to slap the smugness out of his face. Even in a serious situation, he couldn’t resist looking for a way to get under her skin.

“That’s not the point,” she argued, averting her eyes from his. “The point is - it’s time to get this over with.” The more she spoke, the harder it became to keep her voice steady, but she did it nonetheless, attempting to sound as convincing as she could. Maybe she’d end up convincing herself as well. “And this…thing that we’re doing,” she paused, the words burning in her throat as she uttered them. “It has to stop.”

Something flashed across Tommy’s features, and Nina instantly regretted addressing the topic. A strange tension fell into the room as his face became serious again.

“This thing,” he emphasised, as if pondering her words. The way his deep voice echoed in the silence of the room awakened something inside her, and heat crept up cheeks. “Tell me,” he squinted his eyes, starting to walk in her direction with slow, measured steps. “What is it that we’re doing?”

The breath hitched in her throat, but Nina stood still in her place, forcing herself to bear his gaze. “Nothing.”

“Nothing,” he repeated, nodding to himself. He took another step forward, looking down at her with a hint of challenge in his eyes, almost daring her to deny what was right in front of them one more time. She was now trapped between his body and the table, and the closeness alone was enough to make his nerves tingle.

“Tommy, please,” she whispered.

God, had she ever called him by his name before? The way it rolled off her lips, along with her intoxicating scent and the feeling of her warm body - too close to ignore it but still too far away to feel it completely - threatened to destroy the last shred of his self-control. It was hanging by a thread, a thread that was about to snap at any given moment.

He tucked an unruly strand of hair that had fallen in front of her face behind her ear, then his large hand travelled down the side of her neck, his thumb gently rubbing against the delicate skin of her throat. She quivered almost imperceptibly, and her eyes lit up in a way that ignited his whole being. And the thread did snap. His hand went to grab the nape of her neck, and he crashed his lips against hers in a desperate, almost harsh kiss.

But it didn’t take Tommy more than a few seconds to regain control of his instincts. He pulled away, sucking in a sharp breath as he was hit by the realisation of what he had just done. His jaw twitched when his gaze met Nina’s wide eyes, and an overwhelming sense of guilt - way more powerful than the one he had felt that morning - started to weigh on his conscience. Then, as if the contact of their skin had burned him, he let his hand fall and took a step back. He tried to utter an apology, but no sound came out of his mouth. For an amount of time that seemed to stretch into eternity, neither of them did anything, and the possibility of having scared her only added to Tommy’s feeling of guilt. But a second glance was enough to realise it wasn’t fear that was painted on Nina’s face. Before he had the chance to say something, she closed the distance between them, grabbing his face to pull him in for another kiss. After the initial surprise, he was quick to wrap his arms around her, bringing her closer, eager to feel every inch of her body pressing against him. Her soft mouth moved against his tenderly, with a bit of hesitation that made his head spin. Their tongues danced together as he took control of the kiss, and he felt like he could melt right there in her arms. And as much as he wanted to restrain himself, to handle her more delicately, he couldn’t. He had waited far too long.

Tommy’s scent invaded Nina’s nostrils, clouding her senses, and she feared her knees might give out as he kissed her like a man starved. It was passionate, sensual, and lit a fire inside her she had never felt before. And despite everything, it felt right. Nothing had ever felt so right like the feeling of his strong frame against her.

But it wasn’t right. In a moment of clarity, Nina reluctantly broke their kiss, her lips still brushing against Tommy’s. Catching her breath, she closed her eyes for a moment, trying to quieten the turmoil inside for her. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

With great gentleness, Tommy grabbed her chin, raising her face so that she would look at him. “I’m not.”

Heart, Body and Soul tag list: @zablife @queenofshinigamis @raincoffeeandfandoms @call-sign-shark @kmc1989 @babayaga67 @kmhappybunny240 @diorrfairy @mariaelizabeth21-blog1 @gaslysainz @brummiereader @loverhymeswith @fairypitou @prettywhenicry4 @mysticalbouquetwolf-posts @woofgocows @girlwith-thepearlearring

Tag list: @iamngoclinh08 @lilywinchesterlove @fandom-puff @capitanostella @caelys @lucillethings @peakyxtommy @queenofkings1212 @lyarr24 @kmc1989 @call-sign-shark @jomarch-wannabe @ce1iat @areyenotfondofmelobster

Tommy Shelby tag list: @50svibes

[infinitefreak]

Freak Contest

Eddie Munson x Female Reader

⚠️ swearing, drugs, unprotected/rough sex, 18+

Summary: You, the newest "freak" to join Hawkins High, accidentally end up in a tense battle with Eddie Munson to find out who truly wears the crown of biggest freak in town.

Note: I've been writing fics on various platforms for years, but never Tumblr. Please let me know if there's anything I should add/change/adjust! Enjoy 🤍

...

It started during a Monday lunch period.

You walked in to the cafeteria, music on and minding your own business as usual, which was apparently too much for some people to handle. As you made your way down an aisle between rows of tables you were startled by a piece of food hitting the left side of your head, stopping you in your tracks. Mouth agape, you turned to see some jocks in varsity jackets almost falling out of their chairs in laughter. Your open mouth expression quickly turned into a scowl, and not before pulling your headphones down to rest around your neck did you raise your leg and use all your force to kick the dining table, shoving it into the stomach of their apparent ring-leader. You noticed the thick heel from your platform boots had left a big, black scuff on the side of the table as you bent down to pick up the food that had been used as a weapon on you, an apple. You paused for a moment, looking around to make sure all eyes in the cafeteria were on you before hurdling the apple at the center of the table hard enough for it to explode. Apple shrapnel doused the jock-minions and you smiled and bowed while raising two big middle fingers at the group.

The room was quiet aside from some hushed mumbling and gasps, but after a few seconds slow clapping from just a single person broke the silence. You didn't even look towards the noise, you just turned to continue on your way, but right before you could rest your headphones back over your ears a chair squeaked against the ground and a voice called out in a loud, demanding tone.

"CRUE!"

You were once again stopped in your tracks and looked towards the voice, annoyed, assuming whoever it was, was calling out to you. Not only because of the spectacle you just made, but because you were sure the nickname they so kindly blessed you with was due to the Motley Crue t-shirt you wore today.

You locked eyes with curly-haired guy standing at the far end of the table to your right. He smirked as he stepped up on to the table, stomping along the center of it without care for the food or belongings of those surrounding him. The cutlery clanked as he stepped, making an awful sound, but you stood tall, refusing to be intimidated by his performance. Neither of you broke eye contact as he made his way to the very end of the table in front of you. He took a few seconds to look you up and down and you used the opportunity to check him out as well, coming face to face with a red demon on his shirt, his handcuff belt, and a chain hanging from his hips. You looked back up at him before he could look back at you, as if your eyes never wandered. Rather alarmingly the mystery man dropped on to one knee and started fiddling with one of the many large, silver rings adorning his fingers. You were almost face to face now.

He finally pulled a ring off, dramatically separating it from himself with a grunt before pinching it between his thumb and index finger and holding it in front of your face.

"I am begging you, in the name of everything that is unholy, wicked, and wrong... to marry me."

He spoke so theatrically. More confused chatter filled the room but it was still mostly quiet.

You smiled at him just a little bit, causing his own smile to grow... then you grabbed the ring from between his fingers and popped it into your mouth.

His eyes widened and his jaw fell into a wide smile, clearly entertained by your wild response. You finally stepped away, satisfied in having the last laugh, not caring about the comments like "freaks, psychos, fucking weirdos" erupting from the crowd as you walked toward the lunch line. What you didn't see, was your unknown fiancé standing up on the table after you turned your back and doing an excited dance as he high-fived some of his friends before jumping down. You made a point to sit somewhere he could see you after you grabbed your food and waited until he made eye contact- which wasn't long- to take a big first bite, with him not knowing you had already sneakily removed the ring from your mouth. He smiled a tight-lipped smile as he shook his head at you, arms crossed, before his attention returned back to his friends.

Later that day you made your way to a wooded area near the school to smoke without being seen. You found a lone picnic table and brought your foot up onto the bench to pull a small plastic bag from your boot. Inside was your joint, which was now a smashed mess, likely from when you kicked the table.

"Fuck." You swore to yourself, throwing it on the table.

"Crue!" A voice called out gently but optimistically.

"Fiancé." You replied as you turned to face the leather and denim clad mystery man, leaning yourself on the table. "So this is where all the freaks come to play."

"She speaks!" He said more excitedly than he actually meant it. "Now I gotta ask... did you actually swallow the ring? Cause if so, that is... commitment."

You bit your lip with a smile as you pushed yourself away from the table, stepping towards him until the toe of your shoes almost touched and you raised your right middle finger directly in front of his face. "Sorry to disappoint." You teased as you waved the jewelry at him.

"I am anything but disappointed." He said in a much more serious tone than anything else you had heard him say today. You almost shivered at his words but you were determined not to show any sign of weakness. You started pulling the ring off of your finger but he quickly put his hands over yours to stop you. "No, keep it. Looks good on you."

You slid the ring back down and your gaze followed as he walked past you to the picnic table, picking up and examining your dismembered joint.

"Ouch." He said, his eyebrows furrowed into a concerned look. "Here..."

He dropped the plastic bag and pulled his own joint out of a hidden pocket in his jacket. You watched intently as his lips gently wrapped around it and he shielded his lighter to ignite it. He took just one quick drag before passing it to you.

"Thanks." You said while raising the smoke as if to say cheers. He just flicked his head up a bit in acknowledgement before looking at the ground, aimlessly kicking at things.

"That was pretty fucking wild what you did back there, at lunch." His smile was genuine and enough to make you melt a little. "But..."

"But?"

"I have some pointers, if you don't mind."

You gestured outwards as if to tell him the floor was his.

"Now the apple, that was perfection. But the kick, you can get a lot more power behind it if you plant yourself and do more of a push than an actual kick. If you straight up kick it, you could potentially hurt yourself... less likely in those monster killers," he said pointing to your boots. "but..."

He began to demonstrate by kicking the picnic table, it barely moved and he dramatically dropped backwards onto the ground, pretending to cradle a hurt knee as he rolled in the grass and you couldn't help but laugh. He laughed as well as he stood up, shaking debris from his hair. "Now watch this."

He planted his left foot firmly in the ground, propped his right one up on the edge of the table, and shoved with the full force of his body, moving the table much farther than before.

"Now imagine THAT on a smooth cafeteria floor with the head of the basketball team sitting on the other side of it."

"You're right, much more effective." You praised him as you handed him the joint. He inhaled deeply as you began to pick leftover twigs and leaves out of his curls.

"You're not gonna stick those in your mouth too, are you?" He joked.

"I don't know. I don't need to prove anything to you, do I?"

He blew smoke from the corner of his mouth to avoid it getting in your face. "Not a damn thing."

You smiled, heart racing because of this absolute stranger.

"I don't know your name."

"Eddie. Eddie Munson." His voice was so gentle and soft now as he introduced himself. "What's yours?"

"(Y/N). (Y/N) (L/N)."

"Not for long." Eddie smirked as he lifted your hand and tapped on the silver ring.

You laughed again at his antics.

"Oh did you think I was joking?" He said with a goofy wide-eyed expression. "Uh-uh, that proposal was binding, baby. You're stuck with me now."

Now your heart really felt like it was going to climb right out of your fucking throat.

"That doesn't sound so bad." You admitted, surprised you were even able to get the words out.

Now Eddie was biting his lip, and his leg bounced a bit as he shook a finger at you. "Oh, you are going to be a problem for me, aren't you?"

You just raised an eyebrow as you shrugged your shoulders, causing Eddie to let out a small, breathy laugh.

"Look, I gotta level with you... as hot as you are, and you are hot as hell, I am a 3rd year senior crawling my way to graduation, and I'll be damned if some sexy siren walks in here and out-freaks me during my last few months in this shit hole."

"Oh no." You pouted excessively. "What a shame it would be if someone... overthrew the king." You drew a line down your cheek with your finger to mimic tears. "You see... I am a second year senior crawling MY way to graduation half way through the school year in a new, shit hole town... gotta make it entertaining, right?"

"Or... you could just lay low, y'know? Get by without causing a..." Eddie waved his hands frantically. "commotion."

He was smiling, but serious. You grabbed him by the bottom of his chin, pulling so close that your noses almost grazed eachother as you stared him dead in the eyes. For a brief moment, you think you saw panic wash over him before regaining his composure.

"Not in my nature, Munson." You practically whispered into his mouth, eyes closed, before removing your hand from his face to gently push him away by his chest. After that you just turned and walked away.

The next few weeks were a pissing contest, both of you trying to one-up the other, mostly by causing disturbances in classes, the halls, or school events, sometimes even attempting to embarrass eachother. A day came where Eddie finally thought he came up with the perfect plan to hold his title of Hawkins High resident Freak. In the cafeteria once again, as soon as you entered Eddie stepped up onto his table like in the weeks prior, and called everyone's attention.

"Excuse me, fine students of Hawkins High, I have a very, very important announcement to make, if I could have all of your eyes, please."

As usual you could hear people within the crowd throwing insults and some people even left. You only looked away from Eddie for a moment to see his fellow Hellfires shaking their heads instead of laughing along like usual and you immediately knew that he did something particularly fucked up this time.

"Let the show begin." He said only loud enough for those in close proximity to hear before he grabbed at the bottom hem of his shirt, never breaking eye contact with you as he pulled it up further and further, eventually right over his head.

The insults from the crowd turned to gasps and you immediately threw your hand over your mouth when you saw it...

In bold, black letters on Eddie's chest was a tattoo of your name. Still red and swollen, it was fresh.

"C'mon, Crue, come get a closer look." He said with a mischievous smile as he waved you over.

You obliged, hand still over your mouth as you stepped onto a chair to get higher. Your boots wobbled on the uneven surface and Eddie quickly held on to your arm to stabilize you. You used the hand that had been covering your face in shock to poke the tattoo, verifying its existence. You looked up at Eddie who gave you a smirk that said "I win." ...but it didn't last long.

"It's spelled wrong." You said in his face, loud enough for the whole room to hear.

Laughter immediately erupted in the room and Eddie's face was plagued by pure shock. You reached up and patted his cheek twice before stepping down and leaving the room, not even bothering with food.

Eddie quickly jumped down and rushed to put his shirt back on before catching up with you just outside of the cafeteria.

"Hey! HEY!" He called out as you ignored him. He had to run ahead of you and stop you in your tracks. "That wasn't funny."

"I disagree." You teased, lightly hitting the spot where you knew his fresh tattoo was. In one quick motion he grabbed your wrist with one hand and cradled the back of your head with the other as he stepped forward into you, guiding you until your back was up against the wall, head protected by his large hand.

"I know it's spelled correctly because it's the only damn thing I've been thinking about for the past month."

His words and his closeness made your heart skip a beat and for the first time since you met you allowed yourself to be a little vulnerable with him.

"Are you gonna kiss me or what, Muns-"

You didn't even have time to finish your sentence before his lips crashed into yours. His hand moved from your wrist to your waist, pulling you in close and giving you the ability to tangle your fingers in his dark curls as you both violently worked to taste eachother. Weeks of build up finally exploded from all of the teasing and flirting.

"Fuck, I should have done this sooner." He growled before locking on to you again.

Cafeteria doors swung open and a large group of people emerged, quickly taking notice of your heated make-out session in the hall. A few nasty comments were hurled in your direction but you and Eddie simultaneously threw up middle fingers at them without breaking stride.

Eventually you had to break for air and you couldn't help but giggle as you stood there pressed against the wall, arms strung around Eddie.

"What?" He asked, "I'm not that bad, am I?"

"No!" You laughed more, "It's not that, I was just thinking that if anything, I helped you out in there. If they already thought you were nuts for getting some girl's name tattooed on your chest, they're gonna think you're more nuts for having it misspelled."

"Sooo?"

"So I think you're in the lead."

He smiled his devilish, charming smile which just absolutely ruined you. You couldn't decide if you wanted to keep staring at it or stick your tongue back in his mouth where it so comfortably made its home moments earlier.

"Well in that case, why don't we just call it now? I mean there's only a week until graduation, there's no way you could one-up me now, Crue."

"You underestimate me, Munson."

He raised an eyebrow at you but you interrupted his reaction with one last forceful kiss, pressing your whole body into him before walking away.

"Uh, come over tonight?" He called after you, sounding a bit confused.

"Nope!" You yelled back, "I gotta prepare!"

"Prepare for what?"

"You'll see!"

By nothing short of a miracle, both you and Eddie were set to graduate. At this point you thought maybe they were just mercy-passing the two of you to get you the hell out of the school, especially after the past few weeks, but you'll take it.

The day of graduation came and Eddie kept trying to talk to you but you managed to keep escaping him until the ceremony. It was outside on the field, and they called each graduate up alphabetically by homeroom and Eddie's room went first. You made as much noise as fucking possible as he crossed that stage, flipping the bird to the principal before running back to his seat. When your homeroom was called up you were set to walk past Eddie, and as you did you quickly bent over to whisper "Get ready to run." to him. He looked so confused and you offered him nothing more than an ominous wink.

Your name was called and you behaved yourself... up until they handed you your diploma. You turned and gave a quick nod to one of Eddie's hellfire groupies who was at the side of the stage before standing tall in front of all of Hawkins High- and most of the fucking town- as the large "Graduation of '86" banner behind you was pulled from its place. Behind it, was your own DIY'd banner that read "Eddie Munson, fuck me!"

Audible gasps filled the air and some people even covered their children's eyes, while Eddie, who moments ago was about the only person cheering you on, stood shocked in the sea of graduates. The two of you started laughing while some teachers rushed to pull the banner down and others started making their way over to you and Eddie as well.

"Young lady!" Someone berated you as they stomped over from across the stage. You just looked at Eddie and yelled "RUN!" before taking off yourself, diploma tight in-hand. Other students and townspeople yelled some bullshit as the two of you escaped, as if you weren't used to ignoring them by now. Instinctively, you both knew to run to the picnic table you had accidentally met at over a month ago.

You made it there just a moment before he did and as he rushed over he quickly enveloped you in his arms.

"You are a fucking freak, aren't you?" He asked before kissing you, clearly not expecting an actual answer. The kiss didn't last long as you both fought to catch your breath.

"I'm so proud of you, Eddie."

He almost looked like he was blushing, but maybe it was just from the run.

"Yeah? Well I couldn't be more fucking glad I fucked up the first two times. You are..."

He held your face in his rough palms and you leaned in to one of them.

"Phenomenal."

He kissed you again.

"Let's get the hell out of here." He said excitedly, grabbing your hand. The two of you managed to make your way to his van without being noticed and quickly sped off, music blaring.

"Where are we going?!" You yelled over the heavy guitar and drums.

"Somewhere quiet!" He yelled back, placing his hand on your thigh. You bit your lip and peaked into the back of his van where there was a mattress and some pillows thrown about. Eddie didn't even have to look at you, a smile crept across his face and your heart beat excitedly.

You made it somewhere near the edge of town, you weren't even on a road anymore, just by a wooded area in a field. You didn't hesitate to climb into the back of the van, already revved up from the way Eddie's pinky kept sliding farther up your thigh on the drive here. You kneeled on the mattress, facing the front as Eddie turned from his seat to look at you and you began shaking off the grad gown.

"Uh-uh," Eddie started as he joined you in the back, "the robe stays on."

"Shut the fuck up, Munson." You laughed as you tossed the regalia at his chest. He caught it and bunched it up into a ball, bringing it towards his nose and inhaling whatever cheap perfume you sprayed on this morning. You were thankful you weren't standing in that moment as your legs absolutely would have buckled from underneath you.

He took off his own grad gown and cap and tossed them aside with yours as he intently watched you strip down to just your underwear. He stopped you just before you could reach for the clasp of your bra.

"Wait... you don't get to do all the work." He said, curling his finger to beckon you towards him. You crawled over and he directed you to turn around so your back was facing him. Suddenly he pushed your legs apart and pulled you onto his lap as he sat kneeled so you were straddling him backwards. His hands snaked around your torso, one of them moving upwards towards your breasts, the other moving down towards your cunt. He kissed your back as his fingers played gently over the cotton of your panties and you knew he was teasing you. Without warning he sat up, forcing you onto your hands and knees as he pressed against your ass, stabilizing you with his hands firmly gripping your hips. The quick change caused you to accidentally let out a small moan.

"Mm, I can't wait to hear more of that." He said lowly as he finally moved to undo your bra. He leaned over you as he guided the straps over your shoulders and down your arms. He was doing everything so damn slowly and you were aching to have him inside you already, you could feel him through his jeans, hard, pressing up against you.

"Wait," He said again.

"What now?!" You whimpered, slumping over further.

"You're impatient now, aren't you?" He said as he smacked your ass before going back to the front of the van. "Don't worry, you're gonna like this."

You rolled onto your back, propped up on your elbows and knees bent as you listened to Eddie rustle through what sounded like tapes.

"Here we go."

He popped one in to the stereo and adjusted the volume and a familiar song began to play, making you giggle a bit.

"Motley Crue?"

"Just for you, babe."

'Piece of Your Action' played as Eddie finally undressed himself more, removing his shirt while he sang along with the lyrics.

"I want you, I need you, I want you to be mine tonight!"

He started head banging to the beat and you laughed, but he caught you off guard by spreading your knees. Finally, FINALLY, he pulled at the waistband of your panties, too slowly pulling them off of your legs, but eventually you were completely exposed in front of him.

"Fuck, you're more beautiful than I could ever imagine... and I have a great imagination." He winked before slinking down to his stomach, putting both of your legs over his shoulders. He wasted no time meeting his tongue to your already wet folds and your thighs clenched around his head as you let out a crude moan and grasped at his hair. You got a quick look at him as he devoured you and you swore that motherfucker was smiling as he made you squirm underneath him.

"Mm, God, you taste good." He growled into you before very, very gently nipping at your clit with his teeth.

"Oh, fuck Eddie, I'm gonna come!" You cried out, holding tighter onto his hair.

"Come in my mouth, baby." He ordered before continuing to suck on your clit, keeping his pace steady as the pleasure rised inside of you until your back arched and you screamed out his name. He moved his tongue over your hole as you pulsated, his nose still applying some pressure to your sweet spot as tears began to stream down the sides of your face. Not until the pulsating stopped did Eddie bring his face up, first wiping some wetness from his nose, then wiping a tear from your face before praising you.

"That's my girl."

He may have made you come quickly, but you were in no way done. "Eddie Munson, fuck me." You demanded between deep breaths.

"You don't want a break?" He asked, pushing some of your hair aside.

"Did I stutter?" You basically spat at him. He grinned as he pulled down his fly, removing his jeans and underwear just enough to expose himself.

"You asked for it, baby girl."

He stroked himself with one hand as he guided your feet over his shoulders once again before sliding his tip over the length of your slit, holding eye contact with you as he finally slammed himself inside, taking pleasure in the way your jaw dropped and head flew back as he did so.

"Oh, fuck..." He whispered under his breath as he pushed into you, his movements were slow but forceful. "You feel even better than you taste, pretty girl."

Your soft moans turned into whimpers at his words and you brought your arm up so you could bite down on the fleshy part of your palm.

"Uh uh." He scolded before repositioning himself to get closer to you. He used one hand to hold your wrists together above your head and the other one gently clamped on to your neck and jaw. "I like things loud..." He panted. "and I wanna see your pretty face when your soul leaves your body."

His pace quickened and you didn't hold back. If he wanted it loud, you'd give it to him, and it wasn't hard to oblige as he repeatedly hit something sweet deep inside you. Your second orgasm built quickly, still sensitive from the first, and you knew you were at the point of no return when Eddie breathed out "I'm gonna come."

You moaned and squirmed underneath him as his words made your walls tighten around him.

"Where do you want it, beautiful?"

"Fuck- in- inside me, p-please..." You barely managed to beg.

Eddie let out a groan that almost sounded demonic as his grip on your wrists and neck tightened, his rhythm speeding up even more before relaxing into a few last slow, hard, deep pushes inside you.

"Fuck." He whispered, taking his time to lie down next to you. You both breathed heavily, sweating, feeling satisfied after a month of tension.

"Come over here." Eddie pulled at you. You slid closer and he put an arm around you. Your head rested on his shoulder, you laid your arm on his torso, and you pulled your knee up to rest near his hip.

"Hey, I didn't, uh- I didn't hurt you just now, did I?" Eddie asked concerned, running his fingers up and down your arm.

"What, with the wrists and the choking? Eddie Munson, you are going to have to try a hell of a lot harder if you want to hurt me."

"The last thing I want to do is hurt you, Crue."

You tilted your chin up to look at him. "Well, you can still try... just a little bit." You winked, placing a tired kiss on his lips. You both laughed and then Eddie used his free hand to dig in a side compartment in the back of the van.

"Got something. You're gonna like this, too."

He pulled out a joint and a lighter.

"Mm, dessert." You joked to him.

"No, babe. You were dessert." He laughed. "Can you hold this?"

You pinched the joint between your middle and index finger as Eddie used his free hand to light it then tossed the lighter aside.

"Thanks, beautiful." He whispered, taking it from you. Before having a puff himself, he brought it to your lips for you to try first.

"Lots of pet name suddenly." You said while blowing out smoke.

"I was uh, too afraid to try using them before." He admitted.

"Afraid?"

"Yeah... thought it might scare you away."

You couldn't help but laugh. "Again, you're gonna have to try a lot harder."

"Not a chance!" He said with more energy. "I'm not letting you go anywhere."

You both talked, giggled and passed the joint back and forth until it was done, happier than you've both probably ever been before.

"I uh, I think I love you, Eddie Munson." You confessed. You thought you'd be more nervous to say it, but you weren't. You couldn't feel more comfortable and safe.

"I fucking hope so. I have your name tattoed on my chest."

You both laughed uncontrollably at the realization of how crazy that really was. You placed your hand on his chest stretched upwards, and kissed him long and hard.

"What a couple of freaks."

[candlecat624]

I posted 10,181 times in 2021

35 posts created (0%)

10146 posts reblogged (100%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 289.9 posts.

I added 159 tags in 2021

#candle speaks - 80 posts

#candle is gay - 29 posts

#ruththe reckless - 10 posts

#ask - 8 posts

#anon - 7 posts

#candle tried stuff - 7 posts

#fnaf - 6 posts

#the candle melts - 5 posts

#art - 4 posts

#candle gets an ask - 3 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#i’m not sure i just know that i’m not feeling too good and i’m too ashamed to say anything so i’m just resorting to staying quiet and this

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Reasons why tumblr not letting you send images in group chats in both a blessing and a curse

1.

11 notes • Posted 2021-06-24 00:51:01 GMT

#4

Litwick, (Yes I am using that nickname now) I get that you are running on energy drinks but I am running on a single coffee I had over 9 hours ago I'm so tired why the questions/lh /j /nm

Because I was having a depressive episode and when I started asking Mal the questions and saw they were enjoying answering, I spread to Kuru and now you to spread a little bit of fun! If you want I can stop tho, I know you’re not in FNAF anymore :))

13 notes • Posted 2021-06-27 19:57:05 GMT

#3

So tempted to make a blog for one of my coping mechanisms but I’m scared I’ll get hate for it :((

13 notes • Posted 2021-07-23 15:23:46 GMT

#2

HATE DISCORD GROUP CHATS GOT ME REFRESHING EVERY 2 SECONDS JUST TO SEE IF THERES A NEW MESSAGE SO I DONT ACCIDENTALLY GO ‘KABDHSAJDBSJABSB’ AT A SMALL CHILD WALKING INTO CHAT SCARING THE SHIT OUT OF THE 20 YEAR OLD LIKE- PLEASE-

26 notes • Posted 2021-06-23 23:53:50 GMT

#1

Hello.

Here at Fazbear Entertainment we value our employees and our owners. That being said, we'd like to extend a very big: Fuck you. This is courtesy of Mr. Afton.

awww how sweet i wont accept it if it doesnt come packaged in a pretty RED with WHITE box not the other way around it makes me feel like a dead child in a robotic suit

30 notes • Posted 2021-06-27 19:26:09 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[meetmeatthecoda]

If you let me invade your inbox with some softness, then how about Red accidentally falling asleep while reading Agnes a bedtime story (because it's hard and exhausting to lead his criminal lifestyle as it is, let alone combine it with the full-time job of a father of a little hyperactive girl... and still find time to fit in the first-class courting of the love of his life aka Lizzy who's known to shake her head at his antics because "Ray, baby, you don't need to court me, we are literally married!" but she secretly loves it... but Red would rather have it this way than not have these two lovely ladies in his life at all) and Liz coming in after finishing some chores like washing the dishes or loading the laundry to check on the progress of the story (and, maybe, find out when she'll finally be able to have Red all to herself 😏😇) only to find her two angels sleeping peacefully snuggled together in Agnes' bed and it's not as big as her and Red's bed is but it's still enough to fit the three of them and Liz doesn't have the heart to wake her tired lover, let alone separate him from their little girl he's currently protectively holding to himself (nor does she have the heart to separate Agnes from him, who's hugging her daddy just as tightly in her sleep), so she carefully picks the book up from Red's lap, bookmarks the page it's been open on, puts it on the nightstand and makes herself comfortable on the opposite from Red side of Agnes, pulls the blankets (the blankets, plural, but never a comforter, that's how picky the loves of her life are about how warm they get at night... Liz wouldn't have it any other way) a little higher to cover the three of them and, careful not to disturb Red or Agnes, snuggles up to them?

The Reddington family sleeps like that, in the cocoon of love and warmth, till dawn... and no nightmares come to haunt either of them.

Welp, anon, let me just start with...

This ask is indeed a most welcome invasion of Peak Softness 👌👌👌 I mean, Red reading to Agnes WITH LIZ PADDING AROUND THE HOUSE DOING HER NIGHTLY CHORES OR ROUTINE is literally all I've ever wanted since seeing those promo pics (& thank god no one has put the actual scene on twitter or tumblr that I've seen, cause I wouldn't have enough self-control not to watch it, but I also know it would fucking d e s t r o y me to not have Liz in the frame too 😩) & this ask is 👏 delivering 👏cause omg. Red being a first class dad while still actively wooing his wife every second of every day??? Yes 🙌 And Liz anticipating some ✨alone time✨ with her hubby, only to find him asleep with their daughter instead & just smiling & climbing in bed to snuggle up with them??? I am emotionally compromised 🙃🙃🙃 And excuse me, anon, but:

The Reddington family sleeps like that, in the cocoon of love and warmth, till dawn... and no nightmares come to haunt either of them.

*muffled screaming* Are you TRYING to kill me with feels??? 😭😭😭 I can't even 🥺🥺 Anywayyy, this is a precious & blessed ask, anon, thank you so much for sharing, & much love to you, of course, my friend!! ❤️

[whyqueerbaitingisbad]

movies & shows

cracks knuckles* alright this is going to be more of a rant than an analysis because i’m basing this on both my research, but also how it felt to personally be baited by these shows. there are obviously more pieces of bad (almost every horror movie) and good ones but these are the ones i’ve watched.

please keep in mind that i am but one queer and everyone has different opinions.

Supernatural (CW) 2005

This show is 15 years old and just ended. From season 5 till 15, there has been tension between two of the lead characters. They were constantly shipped together and not only did the entire fandom know about this ship but so did almost all of Tumblr. On top of that, the actors and show runners knew about it as well. Which is why it makes it ridiculous that it was constantly pushed aside while the romantic coding  kept happening, even after show runners dismissed it as being intentional. The Destiel (Dean x Cas) case has been going on for years, and as the show came to its end, many fans had hope. But N O P E. Instead, we got a love confession from Cas where Dean looked like he was near constipated and the Cas was killed and sent into a fiery place that was not hell but s u p e r  h e l l.

… w hy.

Sherlock (BBC) 2010

Just like Supernatural, this show was renown on Tumblr for not only how good it was, but its hinting at a potential relationship between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson. But again, like Supernatural, the intentional tension between the two characters was denied by producers. This caused an uproar within the fandom, and even left some people believing that, after the last season aired, it had been a joke and the producers were hiding a “secret, unaired season” because they had felt so robbed by this show that had implied something and denied it.

The 100 (CW) 2014

We got lesbians. We got background gays. We were happy. Then, all of a sudden, one of them is killed for no reason. Did it advance the plot? No. Was she fighting and died in battle? lol no. She was doing literally nothing and got shot and died. And then the producers kept bringing her back once a season in the form of a ghost or illusion because why? Because she was a fan favourite queer character. ✨bury your gays and sparingly bring them back for profit anyone?✨

Voltron: Legendary Defender (Netflix) 2016

*deep breathe* This one is a special disaster. Not only was there romantic tension and romantically coded scenes for 7 seasons, but producers, voice actors and artists working on the show repeatedly said “don’t worry klance (Keith x Lance) shippers, you’ll be happy”

. … w h e r e??? You code one of their scenes with a sunset in the background while they talk about love and then one of them goes on a date with someone who has declined his advances for 7 seasons but now in season 8 decides to do a full 180. Not only that, but you announce at a Comic Con (a convention) that a character is gay and has a fiancé, only to kill off the fiancé and never make it explicit in the show except at the last second of the last episode where he marries a no name character. 

Personally, i’d like to say a big fuck you to the show that strung me along for 2 years and never stopped saying we’d be happy to then pull the rug out from under us and call us crazy for thinking anything from the past 8 seasons was intentional.

Scooby-Doo (2002) 

While not being outwardly queerbaiting, this movie’s filmmaker has just revealed some shocking news, which wasn’t at all shocking to the gays who had watched this movie over the years. In July of 2020, James Gunn, the filmmaker of Scooby-Doo, revealed in a podcast that, initially, Velma was explicitly gay in his script, but then the studio watered it down until it became nothing. This isn’t an example of baiting as much as it is changing a character’s initial design to “better fit an audience”. The worst part of all this is that with Velma’s character having been written with a l i t t l e queer subtext, people had been theorizing about if since the movie came out, but were always yelled at by the internet for “imagining something that isn’t there”. But now, even with it being said that the initial point was for her to be gay, people have no objections to still refusing to accept it. Why?? So we can’t get the subtext gays OR the confirmed gays?? Make it make sense.

Brooklyn 99 (NBC) 2013

To have the queer characters firstly introduced without mentioning their sexualities and have it brought up naturally was so goddamn nice to see, because no one does a big deal about it unless they ask for that. This show is amazing in general but the way they show their queer characters is *chefs kiss*.

She-ra and the Princesses of Power (Netflix) 2018

This. Show. My heart SOARS. It's just a remake of an old show so absolutely nothing was ever expected, but then it was sprinkled in and ENDED WITH A BANG. And it was so beautiful and real to see the struggle of two friends who care for each other and want to be together but have different visions of the world fall in love. And they also had characters with disabilities, a non-binary character and jUST SUCH A GOOD SHOW.

Kipo and The Age of Wonderbeasts (Netflix) 2020

This is a case where you go into it not expecting anything and are BLOWN AWAY by the bare minimum. And not because it’s bad!! It's mind blowing because this is the simple representation we need!! Not something over the top, but an every day relationship. It’s just two boys falling in love and going on dates and being nervous around each other, yet i was so stunned. Because it’s not shown enough. I should not be this excited over something that should be this normal. 10/10 though this show is so good for all kinds of representation.

Steven Universe (Cartoon Network) 2013

This show did so much for queer representation with its general message of loving everyone and loving who you want. Especially since it was aired on Cartoon Network, a channel for kids, it was able to help normalize something so looked down upon in some circles. It made it easy to watch for s o m e people because it's a cartoon but it's so beautiful to see these ladies so in love with each other, both platonically and romantically and we see them have a family dynamic that isn’t a “nuclear family”. Rebecca Sugar (creator) really said “lemme just break all stereotypes real quick”.

Adventure Time (Cartoon Network) 2010

It's the “knowing a fanbase shipped something so hard that the creators made it canon” for me. This relationship had been theorized by fans for years, but it had never been explicit in the show. When the finale episode came out and the two shared a kiss, it was a moment of celebration. The producer of the show said that it had not really been planned but when the episode was being made, the choice of what happened was given to one of the artists (bless your soul Hanna K. Nyströmthe). And as the show releases little bonus episodes, its latest was centered around Marceline and Bubblegum and their relationship. AND WE LOVE TO SEE OUR DOMESTIC LESBIANS BEING HAPPY AND IN LOVE.

Yuri on Ice!!! (anime) 2016

The fact that an A N I M E gave us a love story between two men is mind boggling and it makes me so happy!! Especially because it's a Japanese show and they’re very conservative about these things just makes it more emotional. The creators said they wanted to make the anime take place in a world where gay/straight isn’t a thing, it’s just love (ladies, you’re going to make me cry). So as the weekly episodes came out and fans start speculating, THEY GAVE US THE LAST FEW EPISODES FULL OF ROMANCE AND EMOTIONAL SCENES BETWEEN THE TWO AND THEN THEY GET R I N GS?!???!! You watch for the figure skating, you stay for the figure skaters that are in love.

Shadowhunters (Freeform) 2016

*insert me being frustrated that the actors are straight so we can move on from that disappointment*

This show really said “let’s name a whole episode after this couple because they deserve it”. But seriously, they gave us two characters whose entire plot does not center around their sexualities while still showing us the differences in a relationship between someone experienced and someone new at this. They were both powerful and amazing characters apart from each other, with their own story lines and goals but they loved each other so much omgs. SO MUCH. 

It was so great to watch.

Love, Simon (2018) 

There’s a lot of disagreement on whether this movie is good representation or not. However, we need to take into consideration that this was Hollywood’s first movie with a main character that was gay, where the story’s focus was on Simon’s love story. The biggest problem, for me at least, was that the actor playing Simon is a straight man and not queer. My problem is not with him, but the fact that there are other actors that are gay and that could have played Simon just as well. (the love interested was however played by a queer actor so ✨progress✨)

All in all, this movie does represent what a lot of queer kids have to go through: being outed at school, how they then come out, the bullying and doubt they go through.

The book is also really good.

Call Me By Your Name (2018)

This movie is so aesthetically pleasing and was able to capture the confusion and heartbreak felt by a boy who’s struggling with his own feelings towards a man. His inner conflict and joy and l o v e he feels but doesn’t know how to deal with is so well communicated through the screen and just breaks your heart because it feels so real.

But again, they could’ve gotten gay actors to play gay characters…

through having this list here, i want to show you that it’s not hard for creators to give good queer representation. the LGBTQ+ community isn’t asking for much, we just want to be well represented on screen as just a regular character, not some token queer kid there for the diversity points. having been exposed to so much queerbaiting and just not seeing any representation on screen, i always get over-excited when i see a queer character, and that’s not how it should be. it should be a normal thing, something you can find in most pieces of media, just like there’s a straight white cisgender person in everything.

and they seriously need to start casting queer actors for queer characters...

[cellsshapedlikestars]

Bachie thoughts please!!!!! My country is in a bachie drought right now so I need my fix. Also your tinder fic is cute af and a really fun read!

first of all anon, thank you! I will have you know that the next chapter is 100% written in my head :)

As for Bachelor...

(under the cut. I've come back to add it because I'm only at Ivan/Aaron/Chelsea and I've already typed too much)

This episode mostly sucked, I won't lie. It was three hours and around the two hour mark, the Bach bff and I called it quits because one, we are too old for this drama, and two, it was awful. We watched the last hour this morning.

Let's get the worst of it out of the way: Aaron/Ivan/Chelsea. Oooh boy do I probably have *too much* to say about this. Aaron is too aggressive. his reaction was too aggressive, he acts like he owns the women he is with and if they go off with someone else, he throws a tantrum like a baby. (We'll get to what he does at the end of the ep later, but spoilers: he's a fucking hypocrite). He makes this whole deal about Chelsea and Ivan, despite the fact that the only thing he has to say about Chelsea is "she's sweet".

As for Ivan in this, he lied. Super shitty move, he was absolutely trying to cover his ass. He was also clearly trying to get a rose from Chelsea because he wanted to stay to see if Alexa came on. I get it. That's sort of how Paradise works. Shitty, but like... again, we need to add the perspective of "this is a reality show with a competitive aspect".

Now, the part I absolutely hated and left a bad taste in my mouth is what happened with the stuff from the hotel. (Side bar, when you guys ask for my thoughts, are you watching the episodes? Or do you just enjoy me screaming into the abyss about people and situations you have never heard of??)

The way they pulled Ivan off to the side, the way they edited that, I was expecting something so much worse. Because let's be real, the amount of men on this show that have some secret history of sexual assault - there was even a season of Paradise that was almost cancelled because of sexual assault ON THE SHOW. They 100% had me thinking Ivan assaulted someone or something equally as bad with the way they handled that and I did not like it. And as for what he did? This fuckin show treats people "circumventing the system" like a war crime. All he did was go talk to a girl who was supposed to be a future contestant for a few hours while they had to hide in a hotel for a night because of a storm. And they make him go stand at the front of the class and apologize??? Ridiculous.

But Ivan did sort of suck this episode. I felt like Tyra Banks. Where's that gif.

And now for the payoff: after that HUGE FIT Aaron threw, after Ivan leaves, after Chelsea gives Aaron her rose, Aaron then immediately goes and kisses Tia at the prom. What a hypocrite. My theory is that kissing Tia was the closest he'll ever get to kissing James, which is what he really wants.

(OMG. what is with this fucking app. I just lost like 3 paragraphs of typing. OOOOOOH boY TUMBLR. I guess let me try to recreate it??)

Noah & Abigail: I feel like Noah spent the whole of Paradise waiting for Abigail to not be... well, Abigail. He tells her over and over she needs to open up. Then he says he’s falling in love with her and she has zero reaction and I think that was it for him. He gave up. I get why she was hurt & felt like he did a 180 on her, but I also completely understand him realizing that they were not going to work.

I like most of the rest of the couples, nothing too major to report. I’m even trying to like Anna because I want good things for James, but she was such a bitch on Matt’s season that I can’t quite get there.

There are previews of Kendall coming back next week, which just infuriates me. It might just be that she’s back to give some sort of sage advice or give Joe her blessing (like remember when they edited Andi coming on Nick’s season like it was gonna be this big drama but she was just there to give him advice?). But if she’s there to try and win him back again, I will scream.

I feel like I’ve missed something, especially since half this post got erased, but oh well. I’m tired now lmao

[imclumsy]

Livestream

(peter parker x actress!reader)

Summary: the reader is an actress starring in stranger things. she starts a livestream as she chills with her best friend, peter. they get flustered when her fans point out their flirting. the fans go crazy once something happens.

Warning: idk, language maybe? if that counts??

A/N: i found this in my drafts on wattpad lmao. thought it was cute and decided to continue writing it for my first tumblr imagine post. oh and ‘Y/c/n’ means ‘your character’s name’.

“Hey, guys.” You smiled at your phone screen, holding up a peace sign as you started a live stream on Instagram. Comments started to flood in.

avengersfan01 - OMG UR LIVESTREAMING FOR THE FIRST TIME IN AGES

y/niswifey - WHERE HAVE U BEEN,, LAST TIME U POSTED WAS A MONTH AGO

msmarvel19832 - notice me senpaiiiii 😭

strangertingzz4life - hiiiiii ❤️❤️💖

"So, I'm kinda bored, my parents aren't home and I thought 'Why not do a Q&A?' since I haven't been so active on Instagram lately because I’ve been busy filming." You shuffled, trying to find a comfortable position to sit in.

"Stop moving, Y/n. I’ve almost got a 10 streak kill." Peter nudged you, keeping his attention on his video game as he ran someone over with a car.

Who knew Spider-Man would enjoy running over pedestrians.

"I'm trying to get comfortable, dickhead, let me be." You smiled, moving the camera so it was away from you and Peter. You finally decided to lay your head on his stomach as he let you lay between his legs.

"Ok, sorry about that, technical- well, physical difficulties." You laughed at the camera, making Peter chuckle, "Anyways, questions anyone? I'll answer as many as I can."

You waited for the comments to load and read out the first one you saw, "From captainamericaswhore, love the username by the way, 'Who's legs are those?'" You giggled as soon as you finished reading.

Everyone in the comments started to freak out.

y/n.y/ln.is.my.queen - YO I BET IT'S PETER SKSJAK

dontreadmyusername - who tf is peter-

peterxy/n.otp - ALJSSJAK IT'S MY SHIP OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M WITNESSING THIS

madmax751300 - [dontreadmyusername] get outta here u uncultured swine

elevenseggos - those r some thicc legs wInK wOnK

suziep00 - [elevenseggos] and i fucking oop-

“Are you livestreaming?” Peter asked, pausing his game and taking his headset off, reaching away to place it on the table.

“Yep,” You replied, popping the ‘p’. Your fans already knew who Peter was since he made a regular appearance in all your social media, especially your stories. “It’s Peter’s legs by the way. Say ‘hi’ to everyone, Pete.” You turned your camera to him.

“Hey.” He waved, sending the fans a charming smile.

“Alright, next question-“ You said, sitting up before hitting your head on Peter’s nose.

“Fuck.” He held the bridge of his nose. You laughed, letting your head fall forward as you clutched your stomach. “That fucking hurt, you idiot!” He shoved your shoulder, laughing to lighten up the mood instead of making it serious.

You turned around, looking at the tears welling up in his eyes, “Aww, alright. I’m sorry.” You reached behind him to grab a tissue from the tissue box on the small table and wiped his tears, “You good?”

"Yeah, kinda hurts, but I'm fine." He laughed, giving you a smile to reassure you that he's okay.

“You’re such a baby.” You playfully rolled your eyes before quickly kissing his nose. “You know, my lips kinda hurt too.” He smirked.

“Nice one, Parker.”

“I try my best.”

“Well, it might just be working.” You flirted back, making Peter blush profusely.

You completely forgot that you were still livestreaming as you felt your phone violently vibrate in your hand. Everyone was going crazy; crazier than normal.

noahpotatoes - WTF WTF WTF WTAF I’M SCREAMING

lucasisunderrated - Y'ALL SHE SAID 'WELL IT MIGHT JUST BE WORKING' OMFG ALL THAT FLIRTING IS GONNA PAY OFF I’M GONEEE

finnwolfhardofficial - real smooth peter,, real smooth

dustybun4life - i wonder what’s gonna happen after this livestream ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

steve_the_mom - [dustybun4life] SOME OF Y'ALL ARE NASTY OML-

Your face heated up after reading some of the comments. “What can I say, Finn? Practice makes perfect." He managed to say one last bold comment before his face turned completely red after reading all the comments shipping you two.

ironlad01762 - PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT-

elizabethz04 - SO I WASN’T HALLUCINATING LAST LIVESTREAM WHEN Y’ALL WERE FLIRTING OML I’M GONNA PASS OUT

sadiesink_ - you guys better get together by the end of this live otherwise we’re no longer gonna have movie nights in my trailer

therealcalebmclaughlin - your flirting is so cute it makes me want to puke

gatenm123 - just saying.. i better be in the front seat for your wedding

elevenseggos - I'M LOVING THIS INTERACTION AND ALL BUT PLS CONTINUE THE Q&A, I WANT THE TEA SPILT ALL OVER THE TABLE CLOTH

You felt really flustered now, feeling Peter’s body heat radiate as he wore his headsets to continue his game in order to avoid showing his flushed face. You cleared your throat, “Alright, guys, come on. Elevenseggos is right, let’s continue the Q&A.”

elevenseggos - OH MY GOD I'VE BEEN NOTICED, WHAT A BLESSED DAY

gayforrobin - [elevenseggos] CONGRATS

milliebobbybrown - [elevenseggos] "I WANT THE TEA SPILT ALL OVER THE TABLE CLOTH" I'M USING THAT FROM NOW ON

flayedforbilly - [milliebobbybrown] MILLIE OMG @elevenseggos IS HAPPY-CRYING ALL OVER ME RN, WHAT DID U DO

You waited until some questions pop up and read the first one I see, "From stony4life, 'What's it like playing a fan-favourite character in Stranger Things?'" I bite my lip as I think of an answer, "I mean - obviously - it's really cool. I actually originally auditioned for a smaller role since this was my first big thing but ended up getting the role of Y/c/n. It’s really fun to be able to play this character; she’s strange but in a mysterious yet cool way, she clicks with everyone in the group and she just straight up vibes.”

You waited for another comment, “Ooh, from peterxy/n- oh, hah, okay.” You blushed because of the username, “Have you met your celebrity crush? See, I actually ran into him 3 years ago but that crush has worn off now.” You shrugged, “But! But this guy,” You turned the camera around to face a deeply concentrated Peter, “does have a celebrity crush and he won’t tell me who it is.”

He immediately paused the game again and took off his headsets, “Because it’s embarrassing.”

“I’m sure it’s not, don’t be so dramatic.”

“Trust me, it is.”

“You know I can probably get my agent to get you to meet them.” You pointed out.

“Yeah, but what if I already met them?”

milevenisrealmfs - OH MY GOD GUYS BRACE YOURSELVES IT’S GONNA HAPPEN

eggosaresuperior - SHIT SHIT WAIT LEMME GET MY SCREENRECORDER ON

milevenisrealmfs - omg y/n better get what he’s saying otherwise i’m gonna cry

“Oh my God, when? Why didn’t you tell me?” You asked. He looked at you like you were joking, “Seriously?”

“What?” You furrowed your brows in confusion.

“You’re actually so dumb.” He said before softly grabbing your jaw and kissing you. You almost dropped your phone from the sudden action but he pulled away just before you could.

You were left with a dumbfounded gaze, you glanced at your phone and saw all the comments flooding in again, “Alright, gotta go guys, bye.” You quickly ended the live.

You sighed then looked at Peter, “You like me?” You asked.

“Well, yeah. I thought it was pretty obvious.” He shrugged, nervously avoiding your eye contact.

You studied his features before gently placing your lips against his. He kissed back, leaning into your touch as you held his cheek. You pulled away, both of you smiling, “Then it’s a good thing I like you too.”

-

-

-

[redemptioninterlude]

earthsplita / skysplita

send urls, get positivity meme! + @skysplita / @earthsplita ( care of @pyrrhicmessiah )

ohohohoho. what’s this? people didn’t think our first love fest was enough steph. do you know what that means? it’s time to pour on the SAP!

but okay. what more can i say about steph? i mean i was just fucking blessed to honestly be half of the iconic choni of the rp world with her. she can take any character and i swear to god she just wears their skin. but... i think that’s what’s so funny too. when i first started writing on tumblr, steph was also one of the first few people to write with me. before my muse was even introduced on the show, when we barely even had a handful of anything to go on, i told her my wild predictions of the coming pairing and if she was willing to kind of creep through that to see how it’d feel and just.....

            literally it was the most phenomenal slow burn of all time.

like i’m talking about the slow burn of your dreams, the slow burn y’all think you’re doing when your muses are already straight fuckin after a week, i mean like, we took months building up the base, really letting it all come together and have them fall in love. it was fucking art. and... and honestly a big part of that was how giving, game, and fucking friendly steph is. for someone who write as she does and just commands them uses that she does, despite them all being mad intimidating, steph is anything but. she’s unpretentious, she’s always up to talk, she’s so so so kind it hurts and just. i love the absolute fucking shit out of her and like i said before, we’re in this for life now.

i can’t wait for paris, and i can’t waaaait to literally crawl through a bone tunnel and make you listen to me laugh like a fucking nutter, and just overall, again, i’m bloody so thankful to have met you because this is definitely something that was meant to be. and if you ever forget it, i’ll be here to remind you!

[ueno2yama]

Plan B [ ETHAN DOLAN X OC ]

A/N: this is my first tumblr post so go a little easy on me!

WARNINGS: light swearing.

PART ONE OF PLAN B SERIES.

-

venus’ feet were placed flat on the skateboard, that continuously shifted under the heels of her dirty airforces. she kept her hand tightly locked around her best friend’s wrist, as he did his best to try and guide her through the basics of skateboarding.

“got it?” grayson asked after explaining what she had to do, but she didn’t even collect half of what he said. she was to busy trying to to not fall off.

she gave him a worried glance when she felt his grip on her waist loosen, “no no! gray i’m gonna fucking fall to my death.”

the pair had been at the park for almost an hour trying to get venus to just kick off with her foot. but nothing was working because each time he let go she would say the same thing, about falling to her death.

“no you’re not.” he gripped her cheeks making her focus on him, “i’m right here and it’s just a skateboard. you practically split yourself in half at times.”

it was true.

she’s broken parts of her body that she didn’t even know could be broken. sometimes she didn’t even notice they were broken, until a sharp pain shot her like a cold bullet entering warm skin.

“or are you to much of a pussy to do it?” grayson taunted, knowing he got to her. venus hated being doubted; the thought of someone thinking that she’s less of what she actually is made her shake with anger. and since it was coming from her best friend she was even more pissed

“let go.” she could feel his smirk, when those words slipped from her mouth.

the second his grip loosened, her left foot scraped the ground and she kicked off. she flew with surprising speed, faster then she wanted to go but it didn’t matter much to her as long as she was riding a skateboard probably she was happy.

but that happiness soon faded into worry as she heard grayson’s voice calling her name. it didn’t matter though because what he was warning her for already hit her hard.

she crashed into a metal gate, causing her to slide out from under her board and her whole body to fall forward against the cement ground. before her head could hit the ground though, she had her hands placed out in front of her which were now marked with small red bruises from the impact.

“are you okay?” grayson’s voice was laced with worry, he quickly wrapped his arms around his bruised best-friend. she simply nodded and he pressed his hand to his chest in relief, “i-i’m so sorry i didn’t think that would happen and i just thought you could handle it..is there anything i can do?”

“gray, it’s okay!” she smiled at his worried state, blessing her poor friend’s heart. she pushed herself off the ground wincing, and almost collapsing again as she simply hopped on her left foot cause her right ankle was possibly sprained. “you can help me walk to the car though.”

-

“hey honey,” grayson’s mother lisa greeted when venus limped into the dolan’s kitchen. her eyes shifted to the foot she was limping on before back at her, “what happened?”

“skateboard,” she huffed, lisa hummed nodding understandably. lisa had two teenage boys, one who eat, sleeped, and breathed skateboarding so theyve had a fair share of injuries. “grayson is going out to get ice.”

“his food is gonna get cold,” lisa pouted at the plate of pizza she had ordered while they were out. she took once slice from grayson’s plate and passed it to venus with a small smile, “don’t tell him, you know how much that boy loves food.”

venus shook her head at the older lady, and took a big bite of the pepperoni slice.

her attention was now shifted away from the pizza slice and to the boy who trudged into the kitchen. that made the girl roll her eyes, almost forgetting that he even existed.

“hey mom,” the voice that was laced with kindness, soon was filled with venom and poison as if he shifted from mice to snake when his eyes fell upon the girl, “foster.”

she looked him up and down, her honey-brown eyes studying ethan, the twin-brother of her best friend. ethan and grayson were very similar at times, but just because they’re twins doesn’t mean they don’t have a few differences here and there.

and one of their differences is their relationship with venus foster, a family friend that’s been around since birth. grayson dolan and venus foster were inseparable from a young age, which made the older twin feel left out at times. grayson and venus’ personalities mixed well, even if they were almost the exact same. but then ethan and venus were the exact opposite from each other, which is why they butted heads so much.

so what turned into little arguments and small glares, formed into pure hatred once they grew older. it didn’t help that they had to be around each other almost every day of their life, due to the connection of their families and that they practically share grayson.

everyone caught on. grayson, who no matter what always tried to make sure they got along but failed miserably. lylah, grayson’s girlfriend and syd venus’ cousin/motional support ‘animal’. sarah, venus’ mother. even lisa, which was sick of the two bickering.

which is why she had a plan.

-

“are you serious?”

that was the reaction to lisa’s plan. ethan didn’t like it nor did venus. the first time the two actually had something in common.

the plan was forcing venus to practically handcuff and babysit, who might she add was older than her. but lisa explained it as, ‘spending all of their free time together until they’re forced to like each other’

“mom you understand that this is probably gonna make us hate each other more right?” ethan questioned, trying to convince his mom to lift the punishment.

venus simply just sat on the couch listening to ethan’s pleas. and praying that lisa had short-term memory loss and forgot about this.

“well i’m willing to take that risk.” lisa replied, which ethan groaned at sitting back down on the couch done with arguing and just to pissed to form words.

lisa then shrugged, “besides,”

“i have a plan b.”

-

A/N: OK SO I PROMISE THIS WILL GET MORE EXCITING. THIS WAS A BIT OF AN INTRO! but i like where this is going. also i might be doing small blurbs or imagines so stay tuned tehe.

[twoidiotwriters1]

Starcrossed Losers XIV (Josh Wheeler xReader)

A/N: This is officially the largest thing I’ve ever written on tumblr and I’m proud of it. Pardon my use of PUBLIC, the playlist demanded it (not really but I make the rules) I hope you like this chapter!

Words: 8,639

Warnings: Fights, cursing and blood.

Previous chapter // Next chapter

So now that I embrace my new title, things seem easier. Fuck it, I save lives (not really but you know what I mean), I’m creative, people come to me when they have problems normal solutions can’t fix. I’m awesome.

After I help to clean the store, I look for KJ since I’m already running late. I find her... talking with Josh. I analyze the scene, my friend is holding a book and he goes frantically through the pages as he talks to her. Next to me, I hear some ruffling and I see a small figure peaking through the garbage.

“Hello,” I lean over the pile of trash, I hear a yelp, “what are you doing dressed like a piñata?”

“Watching their interaction,” Replies Angelica, “since you’re going with Alex at least Josh seems to finally make up his mind”

“And that’s a victory cause..?”

“He needs the rebound sex!” I can picture her rolling her eyes, “I get it if you’re virgin and don’t want to lose it with Josh-”

“Hey, my thing has nothing to do-”

“He needs a distraction, if KJ can do that for him then I have to kindly ask you to not get involved!”

“What is he holding?” I cross my arms, now just as invested as my friend on the scene unfolding before us.

“A Chinese-English dictionary, he’s trying to speak in her language”

“That’s so dedicated,” I'm touched by his actions, “he doesn’t need to...”

“Let him be a gentleman!”

“That’s not why I said it!” I poke her head, “Anyway, I think you’re wrong. He’s not asking her out.”

“Why do you think that?”

“A hunch,” I shrug.

“Or jealousy?” She says in a suggestive tone.

“You’ll see I’m right,” I start to walk over to where they are, ignoring Angelica’s hurried whispers.

“Hey!” I put one arm around his shoulders, it’s hard since I can barely reach them, “What’s up?”

I see KJ’s eyes widened for a moment, maybe thinking that I’m about to uncover her secret. I wink at her in complicity.

“Hey,” Josh smiles at me, lifting the book so I can see it, “I was asking KJ about her headphones, I think we could use something like that for the noise problem”

“You don’t say,” I pretend to be surprised, KJ snorts but she manages to change it into a sneeze, “Bless you! So uh, tell you what then, you bring as many headphones as you find and I’ll tell KJ about what we’re trying to do. Give me...”

I gently take the book from him and start rummaging through the pages, pretending to look for some words.

“You sure?” He asks, starting to walk away, “You’re the best Y/N! See you in a minute!”

He runs off excitedly, KJ and I start laughing.

“I have to admit, his effort is kind of endearing,” She smiles.

“Just when I think he can’t get cuter, he does this,” I point to the book and leave it on top of the beauty stand.

Ah, fuck. Why I never think before I talk?

“Cuter?” She smirks, “Are you crushing on Josh Wheeler?”

“Are you?” I ask out of pure panic.

“Hmmm, not really,” KJ shrugs, “but... I can’t say that I haven’t thought about it”

“Hah,” Her words sting in my chest, I try to play it off as casual as possible, “the headphones, then. Let’s go over to the stage and see if we can make it work”

“Cool”

Josh comes back with a bag full of headphones and wireless earphones, looking different than the first time we were standing here today.

“You told her?” He asks, carefully leaving the bag on the DJ’s table.

“She’s in,” I smile innocently, “should we start?”

“Yeah,” He nods excitedly, grabbing three sets and handing us one to KJ and me.

“What’s your plan for this super-amazing-legendary Homecoming do-over?” I ask while breaking the package of my earphones.

“Well, now that you mention it...”

Alex passes by and calls out my name, I look up to see what he wants.

“Should I wear a tie or a bow-tie?” He inquires.

“Whatever you prefer Al,” I grin.

“Alright, don’t say I didn’t ask!” He walks away, raising his hands in defeat.

“He’s taking the dance too seriously”

“I think he’s just making sure everything goes according to plan, maybe he’s worried about our matching outfits not really matching or something...”

“Match?” He frowns, “Why would he... oh”

“Oh?” I frown, “What?”

“You’re going with Alex?”

I really wish this question didn’t make me feel so awkward.

“Uh, yes. He asked me today after I went to the pharmacy... it’s his way of fixing things”

“No, I understand,” He scratches the back of his neck, “you... you wanted that, right?”

“I don’t know if I wanted... it feels nice, getting my best friend back like old times”

“Old times...” He nods, now somehow quieter, “I’m happy for you, Y/N”

“Thanks?” I abandon my earphones on the table, “Is everything okay?”

“Huh?” He looks back at me, “I... I was thinking about the last dance I ever assisted to back in Canada”

“Was it fun?”

“Fuck no,” He chuckles, “I never asked any girl so I always went alone. I had this coach that made us dance with a mop to get the extra credits”

“You went with a mop to your last normal dance?” I ask in disbelief.

“Don’t laugh.”

“I wasn’t going to,” I reply, laughing.

“Stop!” He whines, focusing on his headphones, “I’m aware of how shitty that sounds, no need to rub it on my face. I bet you have this really cutesy story of your last dance”

“I went with my group of friends. We refused to ask someone so we all just went together. It was fun.”

“You always did that?”

“I never thought it was a big deal”

“I did,” He shrugs, “I had a plan for this Homecoming... I asked Sam”

“She said yes?”

“She did,” Josh puts the headphones away, “can we not talk about that right now?”

“Totally,” I reply, picking up my earphones.

KJ speaks up (in Chinese) and points to the DJ’s dashboard, then to our headphones.

“I think she’s saying it’s ready for testing,” Josh says.

“Put them on...” I put on mine and Josh follows my lead.

KJ gets closer to me and whispers.

“Connect your phone to the dashboard and pick a song, it should work.”

“Thanks,” I do what she says.

Since I’m still in the mood for PUBLIC, I grab the phone from my back pocket and open the music app, searching.

“Ready?” I ask, both give me a nod of approval.

“Sweet,” I mumble, pressing play.

And the music starts playing, but this time, only for us to hear.

I’m thinking about what Josh said to me. He asked Sam to the Homecoming dance, How tragic could things get before they stop? I’m starting to rethink my decisions, maybe getting too close is too dangerous. Staying is going to get me killed in more than one way. 

Although how could I leave, when that means abandoning a newfound family.

“I’m a playin' it safe? I've been here for too long Haven't made a mistake There's a reason to stay - 'Cause I feel so alone”

Josh’s face lights up when he starts hearing the music, nudging KJ’s arm and nodding. The girl smiles and waves, her way of saying “Welp, my work here is done!” As she takes off the headphones and gets off the stage.

However, Josh and I stay to listen to the music, I see him mouth a “Well done!” and I answer with a “Same to you!”

“Make up reasons to wait Run so nothing goes wrong But everything that she said, I'm overthinkin' while I'm drivin' back home”

I start to follow the rhythm with my foot, sort of awkwardly dancing to it. 

I won’t overthink what Josh said, there’s no point. Like I said to Angelica, he’s here and he’s staying and so am I. 

Why would I be afraid? He’s told me before he’s not leaving me behind. I’ve said the same thing, I got his back.

“'Cause she said, 

"Call me up when you're all alone 'cause I'm down for hangin' out

We'll stay up all night and I'll just crash on your couch.”

Josh starts dancing as well, we’re goofing around and not really showing our best moves, kinda like the hand-holding thing a few hours ago.

I’ve noticed how I do silly things with him often just for the sake of it, ever since he told me about his fight with Sam we have that sort of dynamic, we can act stupid and the other won’t judge.

“...Maybe that's her, that's the girl I'm just terrified And maybe that's her...”

Does this count as the soundtrack of my life? I mean we attached this song to a memory permanently. Who cares if it’s another PUBLIC song? Their songs are good, don’t underestimate them!

“How will I know if I never try? Maybe that's her, that's the girl, that's the girl I've been waitin' for”

He extends his hand and I take it, dancing in unison. I gotta say, we look pretty stupid. But it’s that spark in his eyes that makes me throw all the embarrassment out the window so I can get an extra minute with this side of him. 

We’re laughing, loud. I know it even if I can’t hear us. I know it for the way his shoulders move and how it gets harder to breathe.

We have our own party going on, I accidentally trip on some wires so of course, I fall forward and Josh catches me.

Am I clumsy or is my body just sabotaging my plan to not flirt with Josh until I think the time is right? 

Or is this just happening for the reader’s entertainment? We will never know.

The thing is that it happened and now Josh’s arms are on my waist and he’s chuckling and saying something that I can’t hear, he lifts me up so I’m standing on my own again. The music has gotten to the part where it’s a bit slower, and suddenly the choir seems to be ten times clearer than before.

“Am I playin' it safe? I don't know anymore Do I keep pushin' away 'Cause I'm just too afraid that someone's gonna get hurt”

Oh, fuck off, PUBLIC. I don’t need you spreading my thoughts out there like I’m desperate to send a message. 

Though I did pick the song myself, maybe I did do it expecting Josh would understand that I’m scared of what I’m feeling. Maybe I’m hoping he’ll understand without me having to say anything and then he can kindly reject me and I can move on with my life.

Please, please just listen to the song, Josh.

For a moment I think he does, his stare suddenly gets all serious and he opens his mouth like he’s about to say something. He steps back so he’s no longer holding my waist and takes off his headphones, I take off one of my earphones and look at him, my hands are shaking.

“What’s wrong?” I ask, trying to sound calm and mildly confused.

“I...” He looks down at his headphones and lets out a short laugh, “I didn’t know you like this band”

“They’re not bad!” I complain.

“Yeah, I know. I like them,” He smiles, “I mean I’m not a huge fan or anything but... you know how I said I had this song in mind apart from Mastermind?”

“I do,” I give him a small smile, “you refused to tell me which song was...”

“It was a PUBLIC song” He grins, “a recent one. I can’t remember the name, that’s the reason why I didn’t choose it but the music video had this cool story where they’re in like a movie set? The singer has a crush on the actress..?”

“I know which song it is! It’s-”

“You guys fixed the problem?” Angelica climbs over to the stage, “wireless headphones? Nice!”

“Thanks,” I reply, “it was Josh’s idea. He asked KJ how did she set up hers so we could do the same with these”

I give her a pointed look and she just scoffs, then she looks to a side and nudges my ribs.

“Look at that...”

I look at the main entrance of the mall and I see Maya heading out.

“Where is she going?” Josh asks.

“Y/N kicked her out”

“You- What?” He says with wide eyes.

“It’s a long story,” I shrug it off.

“It was really badass,” Angelica adds.

“Later,” I insist, “we have a decoration to finish”

“C'mon Y/N, I wanna hear!” Josh insists.

“Basically Maya was throwing a tantrum cause she couldn’t find her knife-”

“Actually it was because I discovered the real reason why she isn’t with the Cheeramazons. It’s cause they kicked her out, but go on...”

“No way!” The boy exclaims, mouth agape.

“Let me finish!” Replies Angelica, “So anyway, she was running around Y/N’s pharmacy and when she walked in I hear Maya screaming at her and I was ready to set her on fire when I heard she was looking for her stupid knife. I took it cause I was helping with some decorations and we needed to cut papers and stuff”

“Maya lost her shit when she saw An holding it and then started to scream louder, then took the knife and cut her”

“My finger,” Angelica proudly shows her bandaid, “and then Y/N lost it.”

“What do you mean?” 

“She told Maya that she needed to leave, cause her job as Healer was to make sure everyone was alright and since she hurt me she couldn’t stay”

“We need to surround ourselves with people that have some limits,” I try to explain so I sound less like an asshole, “Maya had none, she always expects to be the leader or the star of the group, this is how she reacts when she can’t have it. Besides, no one gets to touch Angelica on my watch. No one.”

“I’m not judging you,” He raises his hands, “if anything, I’m proud.”

“You... What? Why?”

“You found your thing,” He adds in a teasing voice, “Healer.”

“Ah,” I roll my eyes, smiling, “I figured that since you keep calling me that against my will might as well own it, right? I got an assistant and all! Alex is great on his job and calls me boss,” I grin.

“You do a pretty decent job,” Angelica shrugs, “just don’t fuck up”

“It’s getting late,” I see Angelica’s watch and realize the night is getting closer, “we get ready for the dance”

“Right!” Angelica perks up, “Eli is looking for you. He said he wanted to talk and that you could meet him back in the salon”

“Okay?” I frown, “I better go then...”

“Have fun!” She smiles, walking off the stage.

“I should go get dressed too,” Josh mumbles, leaving the headphones on the table next to him.

“I should do that after I talk to Eli as well”

“See you... Y/N?”

“Hmmm?”

“Bow-tie or tie?” He asks with a smile.

I let out a laugh, thinking about it for a second.

“Bow-tie. I think it suits you.”

“Bow-tie it is,” He gets off the stage as well.

The store is crowded, I’m starting to think maybe Eli is no longer here when I hear him calling my name from the back.

“Your campaign failed? Are you going to kill me with scissors?”

“What? Nah. I decided to not run for the crown.”

“Why?” I frown, getting closer to where he is, “Wasn’t that your goal?”

“I have a bigger goal now, which is not die,” I’m about to ask what the hell is he talking about when he speaks up again, “I’m giving you a makeover”

“How about no?” I backtrack, trying to be as far as possible from his grasp.

“Don’t be shitty, you know I used to work with my aunt!”

“I don’t need or want a makeover”

“You don’t wanna feel pretty for one night? Do a Cinderella entrance when they see you come down the stairs and all that shit? Do you even know what you’re gonna wear?”

“I was thinking black jeans..?”

“Good fucking- Sit on the chair, Y/N.”

“But-”

“You need a break. You’ve been curing all the kids since you came back and you have a sprained wrist. When was the last time you slept properly like, on a bed?”

“Not that much,” I huff, “like... a week?”

“It shows,” He gets closer and pushes me towards one of the chairs, “sit and relax, princess. I got this shit. When I’m done with you, you’ll look like real-life Barbie”

“How exciting,” I snort, “including the outfit?”

“That’s all on you. I trust you’ll pick something better than jeans. Ask Wesley, he’ll know how to capture your vibe”

“I think I can do it alone”

“Uh...”

“I used to dress up on my own before this whole thing happened,” I say, “the reason why I didn’t want to be all fancy this time it’s cause I just don’t see the point, it’s a made-up dance.”

“So were the ones back at school,” He retorts, already putting some sort of oil in my hair “the difference is that you didn’t plan those. This thing is to help us forget the bullshit, just play along”

I never thought I’d say this but maybe I should follow Eli’s advice. We’ve been through a lot of shit and this thing helps us cope, mend our inner wounds as a true healer would say.

He doesn’t let me look at my reflection until it’s done. He turns around my chair and sets me in front of the mirror. I don’t know how to react to what I’m seeing.

“So?” He inquires, raising a brow, “Will you let me handle those curls without doubting my abilities next time?”

“I...” How did he do that? My hair looks so soft and... clean. Hydrated as well, I have no split ends and it’s just so... in place, I look amazing. 

And my makeup? Yes, he did that too. And I don’t know how did he manage but I don’t regret it at all.

“Eli,” I gasp, “you’re my favorite boy right now”

“I tend to have that effect on the ladies,” He smirks.

“I love you,” I say mesmerized, softly passing a hand through my hair, “don’t take it the wrong way, I don’t wanna date you”

“You don’t need to specify,” Eli scoffs, “I know that you only have puppy eyes for dumbass Josh”

“Oh, come on,” I groan, “you too?”

“Princess if you wanna keep it casual then don’t drool all over the floor,” He replies, “even Crumble can notice”

“Shut up,” I complain, standing up and brushing little hairs from my overall, “I’m gonna go get changed. You better start to get ready as well.”

“Bold of you to assume I don’t have my suit ready. I might have quitted the throne, but I’m still ruling hearts”

“Sure,” I stifle a laugh, “get them all, tiger”

I spend the next two hours searching for something my size and not claimed by the other kids. One hour trying to find them in a color that could match in a killer outfit. In the end, my look is not devastatingly perfect but it’s enough and it makes me feel good, I can’t complain.

Alex finds me when I’m walking out of the store, fully dressed and ready to dance.

“Holy shit, I feel like a proud father right now!” Alex takes my hands and makes do a quick twirl so he can see the result, “I wish I had a camera with me”

“Wait! I have a phone”

“Didn’t you lose your phone when... you know”

“I got one after I left the jocks,” I pull the phone out of my pocket and open the camera app, “you take it, I’m terrible taking selfies”

“Happy Homecoming do-over!” Alex presses the icon on the screen until he feels satisfied, we check to see if we like the pictures and then he gives me the phone back so I put it back in my pocket, “Ready to dance all night?”

“As long as my wrist allows” I lift my hand, still covered in bandages, “I’m ready to have fun”

We walk in and I freeze, amazed by the final result of all our efforts these past days. It looks great, I even start to consider that maybe this wasn’t a waste of time.

“Neat, right?” Wesley walks up to me, giving Alex and I two sets of earphones so we can listen to the music, “I made it work, which means you lost.”

“Not now,” I whisper once that Alex puts on the earphones, “let’s wait until tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow? Na-ah,” He frowns, not even in a playful way, he looks genuinely upset “tonight’s the perfect romantic setting and you’re thinking about wasting it? You’re thinking about wasting your shot when you’re looking like that? Not on my watch, sister.”

“Wesley...” Alex looks at us slightly confused and I shake my head, “listen, I’m here to have a fun night with Alex and it’d be rude to leave him only to go and flirt with some other dude”

“I’ll only say this once, but you’re losing precious time Y/N,” Wesley warns me, I get the feeling that he’s hidding something from me but I can’t think of anything in particular, “just like you lost your chance to add a song to the soundtrack of our lives. You never told me your choice!”

Shit, after what happened with Maya I totally forgot I was supposed to tell Wesley which song I wanted. Still, I don’t worry too much about it, my mind lands immediately on a song.

“Am I still allowed to tell you?”

“Depends. Which one is it?” I lean closer and whisper the title to him, along with the name of the artist, “I don’t know who that is.”

“Just type it like that, it should appear right away,” I insist.

“Is it good?”

“Hey! You told me I could pick any song, so just add it to the list!” I push him towards the stage, all the way Wesley curses under his breath.

“You need to calm down!” He backs up, “Don’t ruin the suit!”

“You gonna play the song?”

“Yes, now leave the DJ alone.”

“Fine,” I go to find Alex again, he’s waiting for me next to the food and quickly takes off one of the earphones so he can talk to me.

“You want a drink?”

“Does the punch have alcohol?” I say as I put on only one of the earphones, keeping the other in my pocket.

“I don’t know?” He frowns, leaning closer to the bowl.

“I don’t wanna get wasted,” I shake my head, “can’t risk another injury so soon”

“I’ll get you coke”

“I’ll go with you”

We move around the mass of bodies until we reach the other table. There, we see Josh dancing with... a mop?

“Josh?” He’s wearing earpods, so I have to poke his arms to get his attention, when he turns and sees me, he immediately takes one off, “What are you doing with that mop?”

“Hi-woah! You look... so...” Josh looks at me and then at Alex, maybe hoping to get some help from my friend but Al stays silent, waiting for him to end the sentence himself, “you... Hi.”

“Hello,” I chuckle, “I see you’re wearing a bow-tie”

“I see you kept the aesthetic and just changed the overall for a... more fancy overall”

“It’s called a romper,” I clarify, “yes, it’s a fancier version but just as comfortable as the original. I’m also wearing heeled boots so you can’t say I’m not trying.”

“No, I wasn’t going to,” He corrects, “I think you look great. Both of you. Hi, Alex.”

Crap, I forgot I was with Alex. I’m a terrible friend.

“Hi Josh, your date seems pretty shy... Are you going to introduce us?”

“Yeah,” Josh smiles, “Y/N, Alex. Meet Mop-Sam. She’s here to represent real Sam now that she can’t be here”

“Hi Mop-Sam,” I tilt my head, “is this some kind of regression? Are you going back to when you were thirteen and your coach made you dance with a mop as a coping mechanism?”

“No. I just want Sam to have one last good night”

“Fair, but you could’ve used a mannequin,” I agree, “Why a mop?”

I stay quiet as I see the realization hit Josh, he stares at the mop with a new found resentment for his lack of brain.

“I didn’t think of that,” He whispers.

I pat his back.

“You should’ve asked me first, buddy,” I shake my head, “enjoy your night with mop-Sam though, she looks nice.”

He glares at me as I giggle, walking away with Alex beside me, casually holding me by the waist.

“Josh is really weird,” He says while handing me a soda, “yet, he’s got good intentions. I get why you like him.”

I choke with my drink. I don’t even try to deny it, apparently there’s no use to it since everyone has a radar to identify my crush from miles away.

“I just think he’s really fun to be around,” I shrug, “it’s thanks to him that I found you so I’m thankful that he found me”

“I can tell he’s glad that you found him,” Alex raises a brow, “why didn’t you come to the dance with him?”

“Because you asked me first.”

“You could’ve said no. If you wanted to come with Josh I would’ve understood. Don’t use me as an excuse you had all the time in the world to ask him and you didn’t, you don’t want to admit that you chickened out on the last second.”

“What if I did?” I reply sternly, “Is not like he wants to be with me, I’ll get hurt if I try”

“Dude, didn’t you see the way his brain short-circuited when he saw you? I could practically see the hearts floating around his head”

“But Sam-”

“Sam’s gone. If he can accept that, Why can’t you?”

That’s a good question. Why can’t I? 

Josh and I could be everything I always wanted, why am I so against it? It isn’t Alex. Josh wasn’t dating one of my friends, he’d broken up with Sam way before I had even returned to his life and we’re both so fitting for each other, why can’t I let myself enjoy life in the apocalypse? Why do I always have to feel sorry for myself?

“I think I’m still not over it,” I say, voice hoarse, “part of me doesn’t think I deserve something good happening to me after what I did to Katie.”

“That’s bullshit,” He frowns, “you spent most of your life looking after me whenever my parents weren’t home, made sure I always had food and slept well. You make sure all these kids are safe and clean their wounds when they need it, even with a sprained wrist. Shit, Y/N you’ve grown to be strong and you’ll be bigger than what you expect but please cut you some slack, let yourself be happy.”

“I think...” 

The music is loud on my left ear, barely leaving me room to think. What Alex wants me to do is to follow my heart, that I can hear loud and clear even with all the noise surrounding us tonight.

“I want a break. I wanna have all the little, ridiculous nice things that used to make me go all giggly inside”

“That means?”

“How about we dance until I can’t feel my feet?”

“And after that?”

“I’ll think about it.”

“Seems appropiate”

Time flies when you’re having fun, specially when it’s during the night. I only realize it’s been three hours when Eli walks up to us and asks if we voted for a homecoming gender-neutral royalty since it’s about to close so they can start to count the votes and tell us who won before midnight.

Alex and I step to the voting box and when we’re done he lets me know that he has to go to the restroom so I’m left alone. 

I decide to use my free time wisely. I walk towards the stage and after a mute conversation Wesley agrees to put the song I asked for, I make my way towards Josh, who’s still cheerfully dancing around the mop.

I poke his back again and he turns around, smiling brightly when he sees me. He’s about to take off the earpods but I stop him, signaling him to listen to the next song.

I promise, dear reader, that this is the last time I’ll use PUBLIC as the soundtrack of my life. You can agree with me when I say this one demanded a place on the list. After all, it was Josh’s song but it also means something to me, the lyrics now more than ever, say everything I can’t dare to say directly at his face.

So now I’m asking you and Josh, to dance along to the beat of my love declaration.

“Oh, here we go again, on this ride Incapable of just being friends Always on my mind...”

He lifts his head up as soon as he hears the first few seconds of the song, smiling. I can read his lips saying “You found it!” and I nod, just as happy as him. I extend my hand and ask him quietly if he wants to dance this one with me and he takes my hand with no hesitation.

I know I’ve only known Josh for like, eight days. Without counting the time in highschool cause we didn’t know each other that well. 

I know that’s not enough time to say I love him, or that he’s the love of my life. Yet, is enough to know I like him and that I would love to know him better. I want to be with Josh as close as possible, all the time. Maybe the feeling will fade away, maybe he’s not the love of my life. 

I rather be with him until it fades away than letting the feeling die without trying.

“Waiting for something A message late at night Are you gonna say what you wanna say? Are we gonna do this right?”

At first, we dance awkwardly, slowly from one side to the other cause we don’t know how to dance like this: So officially. This is not a random day when we’re fooling around and dancing like stupid people. This is the homecoming do-over and we’re supposed to do it right.

Then we share one look of panic where both of us are like “oh my god, what the hell are we supposed to do with our arms?” and instantly relax cause we remember: “Hey, this is us, why are we trying so hard?”

“But I'm hesitating when I'm around you I can't escape that look in your eyes It's getting late and we're just talkin' My feels locked inside”

He takes my hands and makes me twirl and slide, we get stuck in some movements but none of us gets stressed about it. Meh, whatever, we’re having fun.

We aren’t talking, yet I feel like I’m having a whole conversation with just our eyes, he laughs when I accidentally step on his foot and I do it when he trips on his own feet. I’m not capable to look away, it’s just us here.

You know, maybe I’m imagining this, maybe I’m exaggerating what’s going on between us during this song. Does it matter? Life would be so dull if we saw our reality only in one way. Isn’t it better to think you’re the only person left in the world and witness as time stops for you to remember every single little, ridiculous detail that makes your life worth it?

This right here, is what makes my new life worth it: The people in it, the feelings I have whenever I’m around them.

Josh.

How everything is possible when I’m with him.

“'Cause you're the one that I want 'Cause you're the one that I need I just wanna fall in your arms So I'm begging down here on my knees”

He pulls me closer and I put my arms around his neck. I’m nervous at first, I’ve never been this close to him, besides the times when I crashed into him or that time back at the factory where I lost my cool and hugged him in front of everyone... okay fair, I’ve fallen into his arms plenty of times before.

This hits different because of the pretty lightning, the music that we both like, we’re wearing fancy clothing which is always a nice plus, the ambient feels so... normal. Finally, I got to have a little piece of my old life back.

I imagine that this is the actual Homecoming, Alex is somewhere with Stuart and somehow Josh and I kept talking after our school project, one thing led to another, then we came to the school dance together.

Think of all that could’ve been, if only I had decided to let go of my feelings for Alex sooner, to give this a chance. I could tell Josh was something special even if I didn’t like him that way, he always caught my eye one way or another.

Maybe if I’d talked to him one day back in Highschool to say more than just ‘Hi’, if I had invited him over to the movies with the rest of my friends, things would be different. I don’t know exactly how different, but perhaps, better.

The solo comes in and Josh uses the opportunity to take off one of his earpods and asks me to do the same. 

“This is the song you chose for the soundtrack?”

“You like it?” I grin.

“I can’t believe you used your only chance on a song that I wanted, that’s not cool!”

“Hey, who said I did it for you?” I tease, “I love that song, it’s a banger”

“You don’t think it was too much?”

“Why would it be too much?” I frown, “it’s good, not as corny as you make it sound”

“It wasn’t the song what I thought it was too corny,” He rolls his eyes, “I was planning on dedicating the song to someone”

“Oh,” I feel my blood run cold, and burn my chest at the same time, “to who?”

“Not important,” He shrugs it off, “she’s not available”

That’s it. That’s how the spell wears off. Josh has a crush on someone else.

Wait.

How can Josh be crushing on one of the other girls? For all I know, he barely knows like five people out of everyone here. The only girls he talks to are Angelica, KJ, Crumble and I. Angelica is a child, KJ has no dance partner, Crumble is like ten years older...

Is he talking about me?

“I wanna know, wanna go to the deep end Tired of all this actin' shy I wanna know, wanna go to the deep end”

He puts his earpod back on and I do the same. My mind is running wild to search for the next step after the song ends.

Should I tell him everything? How crazy will I sound if I tell him, ‘Hey, guess what? This was supposed to be my love declaration and it’s my way of saying I’m crushing on you, my friend.’

No, this is nuts. I can’t do it.

Oh my god, I can’t tell Josh.

I’m a coward. I’m such a gigantic coward but fuck, I can’t.

I feel his hand pressing lightly on my waist and I look up, his eyes are blue but they’re so clear that they reflect all the lights in the room, two little kaleidoscopes. I can’t stop looking, I’ve never been able to look away.

He asks me if I’m okay and I silently reply that he has nothing to worry about.

It’s true, he doesn’t have to worry, I will keep my mouth shut forever.

‘Y/N, what if he does have feelings for you?’ You're back with the nosy questions. Well, if he does, it’ll pass. Love isn’t constant.

It’s better this way, right? No strings attached means no one gets hurt and we stay together as a whole tribe.

Right?

“'Cause you're the one that I need That I need”

The song ends and we stay close to each other. Josh has this cute, tiny smile while he stares at me, I probably look like I’m worried sick. 

Shit, I need some time to think.

I take off both my earphones and step back.

“Thank you for allowing me one song with you,” I mumble, too nervous to speak like a normal human being.

“That’s cool, Mop-Sam was getting tired of me kicking her bucket anyway” I laugh, it’s a tense grin, barely cheerful. Josh notices right away, “It’s something wrong?”

“Alex must be looking for me,” I change the subject, playing with the straps of my romper, “I should go find him” 

“Alex,” Josh’s demeanor changes, now acting distant, “he’s probably worried.”

“It was nice,” I add, slowly backing up, “we should make this more often”

“Sure...”

I find Alex in no time and I decide to tell him everything, he’s completely understanding and I’m so relieved to have him back.

It’s like I’m so much lighter ever since... Ever since Josh found me.

“You need space to think,” Alex agrees, walking me towards a set of stairs, “go to the second floor, no one’s there right now. Clear your head, make a decisión, come back when you know what you’ll do and then we’ll enjoy the rest of the night without you overthinking every little detail” 

“Okay...”

“Promise?”

“Don’t get so pushy, Alex,” I complain, “I’ll try, okay? I can’t promise I’ll fix it tonight.”

“Fair,” He huffs, “now get your shit together, I’ll dance with Angelica in the meantime, I like her”

“Have fun...”

I do as Alex told me to, leaning over the rail so I can watch my former classmates dancing to a song I only hear on one ear, keeping the other earpod inside my pocket so I can listen if someone looks for me.

Should I accept my stupid fate? Give in and be like, ‘welp whatever God wants for me I’ll have it’ cause I’m honestly getting tired.

I’m an orphan with a bunch of kids I have to look after and a crush that is not over his dead girlfriend. I’m dumb. I need a good night of sleep and something besides pre-packaged food or I’ll die before I turn twenty of heart disease.

“There you are,” I turn around to see Josh, he already fucked his bow-tie, “I was starting to worry”

“Why?”

“I saw Alex dancing with Angelica, don’t take me wrong, that’s cute and all but... did you guys fight?”

“No?” I frown, “I needed a moment to clear my head. I’ve been stressed lately.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Josh stands beside me, “do you remember Sam’s video here?”

“The compliments video?” I smile, “It was sweet”

“You’re in it,” He grins.

“No, I’m not?”

“You are,” He pulls out his phone out of his pocket and unlocks it, “I was watching it this afternoon while I was getting Mop-Sam ready and I saw you... There!”

He gives me his phone, the video is paused where Sam is holding the camera and Josh is the one facing it. Behind him, a bit far but still able to recognize our faces I see Alex and me, walking out of a shop.

“That’s me!” I exclaim, “I’d never noticed before...”

“Sam and I never saw you there,” He adds, “where were you?”

“Oh, we left early that day,” I reply, nervously avoiding any further explanation, “We had an argument, sort of, so I left”

“That’s too bad,” Josh frowns, “I’m sure Sam would’ve chosen you guys for the compliments”

“Maybe,” I sigh, “I wasn’t hunting for compliments that day”

“Or ever,” He jokes, “always running from compliments...”

“Hey! I can take a compliment,” I lightly slap his shoulder.

“Really?” My friend smirks, “okay then, let’s see...”

He takes the phone and steps back, pointing the camera to my face.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m about to make a compliment video”

“Please don’t.”

“You said you can take a compliment, I’m only checking if that’s true”

“Josh...” I whine, turning away from the phone.

“Y/N,” He speaks up, grinning, “Y/N! I wanna let you know that I think you’re cool and that your weapon is actually more badass than my katana. You looked really scary the first time I saw you hit a Ghoulie with that thing. Also, you have a terrible taste in colors but you’re clothes are always fun and you’re not afraid to wear them. You are fucking impressive, I’m impressed. All the time.”

“What?” I look over at him, still a bit camera-shy, “Josh, stop!”

“And your healer abilities rule. I think you should learn to use a skateboard, just cause it would look badass on your resume,” He laughs, “you make the best instant chicken noodle soup I’ve ever eaten and that’s important, I usually hate fast food.”

“I think that’s enough,” I chuckle, walking over to him and trying to put down the phone. Josh is taller so he easily avoids my hand, “c’mon!”

“You’re hilarious most of the time, the best sense of humor I’ve seen in years,” He continues, holding his phone above me and smiling like an idiot, “By the way, I was too blown away a few hours ago when I first saw you to say it, but you look beautiful tonight. You look good all the time. I like how you look all the time but I mean-”

“You’re rambling!”

“I... yeah I am,” Josh grins, “sorry. What I’m trying to say is... you’re so, so nice.”

I laugh loud enough to feel like I need to cover my mouth since everyone is silent downstairs, Josh and laughs with me, finally putting the phone away.

“You’re better now?”

“After that whole pro speech?” I joke, “Obviously, I’m ready to keep on dancing”

“Great,” He throws a fist in the air, guiding me towards the stairs, “It’s almost time to know the gender-neutral royalty”

“Where’s Mop-Sam?” I ask while we go downstairs.

“She got a bit jealous after we danced, I’m giving her space,” He whispers like is serious business.

“Oh, damn,” I put a hand in my mouth, faking surprise, “should I go over to apologize?”

“Nah, she’ll be fine,” Josh shrugs, “how about we get drinks instead?”

“I’d like that,” I nod, “before I go back and steal Alex from Angelica”

“Ha, yeah,” Josh passes a hand through his hair, “Oh! Do you mind if I put back both airpods? This is the song I asked for the soundtrack of our lives!”

“Not at all,” I smile, “How about you enjoy the song and I bring the drinks?”

“Thanks,” He says, putting the airpods back on.

I walk towards the table and see Wesley making his way over to Josh, I glance at them for a second and I notice how nervous Wesley looks. I stay still, listening. 

“I need to tell you... everything”

I put the cups downs and I listen as Wesley rambles about him and Turbo, I want to stop him cause I know Josh isn’t listening but I’m not sure Josh needs to listen to all this tonight. Why is he telling him this tonight?

“...You’re going to die because my ex-boyfriend can’t stand that you and I are friends”

Oh. Okay, that’s why.

Josh takes off one of the airpods.

“You put my song on the soundtrack of our lives,” He says, deeply touched, “Deltron 3030? Thanks for making me feel so cool, man”

“Did you hear what I said?” Wesley asks in disbelief.

“I thought you were just singing along,” Josh shrugs.

“I heard,” I get to Josh’s side, “all of it”

Now I understand why he insisted so much on me making a move tonight. he didn’t want to kill Josh before I could confess.

Wesley’s eyes widened and he starts to speak, the buzzer sets off and cuts his speech. It’s time for the gender-neutral royalty. Everyone applauds and cheers, I step closer to him and I whisper.

“What the fuck did you do?”

He gives me one desperate look before his name is mentioned and he has to go over to the stage, along with Mop-Sam. I look around and I lock eyes with Eli, who has a panicky expression, I immediately know he’s also in this. I walk over to him and I give him a pointed look.

“You’re planning on killing Josh?!”

“How the fuck did you find out?” 

“How the-? Oh my god, you were going to do it. I can’t believe it,” I hiss, “Was... was the whole makeover a distraction? It was, wasn’t it? Eli I... I trusted you”

“That’s exactly why I’m doing this,” He shakes his head, “I’m trying to protect all these kids, that’s what you want, right?”

“I want us to be a good tribe, a loyal one! Not a fucking Game of Thrones rip-off!” I exclaim.

“Is not important anyway!” Eli exclaims, “He was supposed to die with the crown but Wesley won, he’s gonna die instead!”

“He what?” I turn to see Wesley walking up the stairs, deadly silent, “Oh, you fucking stupid martyr”

I run over to the stage, the kids don’t let me get any closer. I scream his name, but so are the rest of the children. 

I’m not gonna make it, Wesley will die. 

They get closer to put the crown on top of his head and...

“STOP!” He slaps the hand away, the crown flying to the floor, “No one touch that crown!”

“Thank god,” I clean my forehead from the sweat and whisper: “man, you are stressful!”

“Turbo told me that he’s gonna come and kill you all. But I have a plan.”

“Oh, so you did have a better plan?” I frown, speaking loudly this time.

“I know how we can fight back,” He replies, then looks back a Josh, “you have to trust me”

Josh shakes his head clearly pissed, then looks down at where I’m standing.

“We don’t have time,” I cross my arms, “let him talk”

Wesley talks and we set up the mannequins, we wait.

Turbo gets here in no time, breaks the door’s chains and throws punches in the dark like a madman, he stops until every mannequin is on the ground, realizing his mistake. We walk out of our hiding spots, I had to go over to the pharmacy to get my hammer, I feel more than ready to break some bones if I have to.

“You’re not supposed to fight,” Josh whispers beside me, “your wrist is not okay”

“I’ll manage,” I reply dryly.

The fight begins. I don’t break any skulls or knees but I do manage to break bows and swords, I feel like I’m kicking serious ass when someone throws me on the ground, I fall on my face.

“Are you protecting all your children, Y/N?” Maya sneers above me, putting a foot on top of my head, “I bet you’re having fun-”

I hear her grunt and suddenly her body falls next to mine, someone grabs me by the arms and lifts me up. 

It’s Alex.

“You can eat shit, Maya,” Alex replies, handing me my hammer, “your wrist is swelling again, you have to stop”

“I’ll stop with the hammer,” I kick a Jock in the crotch, “I’ll start with my legs”

“Good enough,” Alex nods.

Suddenly a loud scream echoes in the room.

“Turbo’s hurt! Retreat!”

It’s almost like the room is on fire, the Jocks run away picking up their weapons and lifting up their friends from the ground. I don’t see Maya, yet I know she’s with them. I don’t see Turbo either.

We’re left a mess, all our things are on the ground and the floor is slippery, mixed with blood and soda. Alex was right, my wrist feels awful as well.

Josh waits until everything is deadly quiet and looks over to Wesley.

“I have to lock you up”

As soon as he says it, a bunch of kids surround Wes and drag him to the nearest store, I see Eli quietly chuckling and I speak up.

“Eli helped him,” I point over to him, “he has to go too”

“I was only trying to help!”

“You hid important information to the group, we can’t trust you as long as you keep playing to your convenience,” I reply.

Another group of kids take him, pulling the heavy metal curtain so they stay in their place.

“Y/N?” Angelica speaks next to me, “you need something for your wrist”

“I’ll ask you this one time,” I say, ignoring her comment, “Did you know what they were doing?”

“No!” She responds in honest outrage, I believe her.

“Then you’ll keep an eye on them while I go and take something for my wrist”

“I already have it here,” Alex throws a small container with pills that I catch with my good hand.

“Thanks,” I look over to Angelica, “you think you can do it?”

“I’ll be more than happy,” She replies, already sitting on the ground, facing the store.

“I’ll stay with her,” Alex says, “I think you should check on Josh... he just got a death threat and immediately after had to fight for his life. He might need to talk to someone”

“I’ll be right back,” My mind is a bit too fuzzy after the fight, but I think I can have a small conversation with Josh, “I’ll do that...”

I walk around asking if anyone has seen Josh, one tells me they saw him walk out to lock the mall’s doors again.

I find Josh in the middle of the parking lot, he’s standing there quietly.

“Josh?” I inch closer.

I get no answer, I can only see his back.

“How are you feeling?” I’m merely five feet away from him.

“Did you know?” He inquires coldly.

“What?”

“What Wesley and Eli were planning,” Josh explains, “Did you know?” 

“No,” I say, “I had no idea. I heard though, when Wesley was talking to you moments before the crowning”

Josh turns around, tearing up.

“You didn’t help them?” He steps closer to me, his breathing faltering, “You swear you’re not lying?”

“No!” I repeat, this time exasperated, “Josh, I would never hurt you. I promised, remember? I’m with you.”

He looks at me with the same odd expression he makes every time I say something he’s not expecting to hear. 

My wrist is hurting but there’s also a warmth that spreads through it thanks to the ointment and the pills. I stand there, with nothing else to say. 

I don’t know what to ask. Josh doesn’t want to talk, I can see it on the way he keeps his mouth tightly shut.

Instead, he kisses me.

“And they all fall down...”

Taglist.

@letsbloodmagic @slythermyg  

[babaleshy]

This is a TMI post. Read at your own risk.

It has been a long while since I last talked about my sexuality and libido and stuff on this site. In fact, I believe it was long before the big migration in 2018 from this site. And since you've clicked on "keep reading," I just want you to know you may know a little more about me and what I'm into than what you'd like to know (especially if you know me irl). I say this because sex stuff isn't something I always post on tumblr.

So let's get started..

First off: my libido... I haven't had it this bad in a few years ever since my health took a massive tank. It didn't help that after surgery, nobody instructed me on how to gain weight. I wanted to see a dietitian who knew about endometriosis and what foods would be best to avoid. But that was a horrible, waste-of-time dead-end, and I've had to do shit on my own. So far, it's working, but my high metabolism isn't making it easy.

I finally tried that Ensure drink and it's definitely helped. But that was a couple days ago. Without that, it has taken me from June to now to get close to gaining ten pounds. That's discouraging when you have two "professionals" judge you based on someone with a normal metabolism and not a high one. I was being treated as if I wasn't eating anything and told me to go with smoothies before "getting me started on solids." To them, everything I said was a lie. That caused a mental health spiral for a few months.

I'm doing better now, and now that I have a more carbs and fats-based diet plus that drink, my libido has roared back. I've worn my husband out, but his job and stresses have affected his health after several years, so that's understandable.

The only blips of libido I had between when my health took a shit and finally gaining some weight was discovering a fetish/kink: monster fucking.

Of course, I have ethics: the monster(s) must be intelligent, self-aware, etc. Also: definitely capable of talking. But being greysexual, I'm "picky" about my monsters, too. For example: werewolves of the wolf-man variety are what do it for me. And of course, I like it when they talk. (Particular kinds of dirty-talk do it for me, though I'm not sure I'll get into that in this post as of writing). Some demon designs can hit the appeal-spot just right while others are just "meh" to look at. I do have a "type" which tend to be brutes, but even then, I'm picky on designs that I find.

This brings me to a dilemma: I'm an artist, so I should be fully capable of drawing my ideal monsters. The issue is that I suck at drawing people; I'm shit with proportions and faces. Humans and humanoids are incredibly hard for me, yet I can draw animals and fungi like nobody's business. (Of course, it's been a long while since I last tried, so I might try again.)

Another thing I'd like to bring up is during my little "solo sessions," I like to immerse myself a little bit. The best way to do this is to figure out what kind of scene/setting I'm into, and find ambiance videos on YouTube regarding that. From thunderstorms to ancient libraries to haunted castles and caves and haunted forests to a large chunk of hour-or-so-long videos regarding sounds for scenes specially designed for D&D. I've even dabbled in pseudo-exhibitionism by having searched "public ambiance" a few times, as it is the safest way to explore that while not actually being around other people (and that's as far as I'm willing to take it, too). Seriously, ambiance videos on YouTube are a fucking blessing for me. The only shit part is that I don't always get the privacy for it.

I also like layering the videos in different tabs. Maybe I want to faintly hear the crowd of a busy place as if they're right outside of an old library, or make it sound like there's a crowd in a dungeon. I also have found a few monster noise sounds that are about an hour long that I layer with other settings to get creative. This is why I like doing this on my desktop computer and not on a console or something, since apps don't allow you to open different tabs.

I share those little tips in case anybody else is looking for better immersion, of course. you also don't necessarily have to do it for sex reasons. If you're wanting better, more tailored immersion audio for your D&D campaign, and you have access to a computer, use the browser and open different tabs of different videos and see what works for you and your group!

Embracing (after finally finding the term) the fact that I'm a monster fucker kind of person helps me feel a little bit better about my fantasies, largely because the majority of them are usually fictional characters and they tend to be not fully human or not fully human-looking. There are a few monster fucker pride flags floating about, but the one I like tend to have what I call the "horror punk colors" (black, purple, orange, and green and sometimes red or pink), so I haven't really found any singular flags that I fully like (and might just make my own). I figured if there are some kink pride flags, I'm allowed to like the idea of a monster fucker pride flag.

That doesn't mean I'm gonna parade it around, of course. It would be more of an online signifier, or some way of indicating "that's what we're about" if I'm having trouble with some ideas of my own and need some inspiration.

According to my husband, I am very good at writing smut, including monster fucker ones. One day, I might write a smut anthology. If such a project ends up existing and is a WIP sort of thing, I may contribute to it. If I try to write a full-on novel, it might not ever see the light of day because I've tried for years to write a novel/story and I just simply run out of steam.

Outside of kinks and fetishes that I'm into, I need to invest in a good vibrator. I've broken several cheap ones, and the last one I bought was a few years ago (which is also broken and didn't last long). So I've resorted to, when desperate on days that I don't shower (so I could use the showerhead), nitrile gloves. This is largely because of a sensory thing where if I finger myself, my brain focuses more on what my fingers are feeling rather than my genitalia. This sucks because I have always taken FOREVER; quickies are not a thing my body can do. It doesn't matter how turned on I am. This means my hand or my wrist (or both!) hurt like hell afterwards. But this has caused me to get desperate enough to finally start internally finger myself instead of sticking with just the clit. It's taken me a long time in my life to comfortably due this thanks to having vaginismus.

For now, I just want a decent vibrator, and will get one ordered a few weeks from now. However, the second toy I'll eventually get is my very first dildo. And, of course, it'll be monster-based. I've found one that is quite small for my first one, so I'm looking forward to getting it!

All of this means that I'm getting my health back on track, but there's one little issue: I haven't had a period all October, and was supposed to start one around the time of NOW and it still hasn't happened. I have no symptoms of any sort, so I got no idea what's up with this other than climate change REALLY fucking with the seasons, especially transitional ones like spring and autumn. My periods since my surgery have been marginally better; I don't need my husband to carry me to the bathroom. I rarely have him cook for me, too! But now? I don't know why I haven't had my period yet. I'm 33 as of this writing, and being down one ovary and two fallopian tubes, I'd imagine I'm "getting to be that age." If I don't have one by December, I may have to see a gyno about this. I've never had irregular periods before. I've missed a few in my life, but that's due to other factors such as far too much caffeine, stress, and the change of seasons (not always on that last part!).

I should've looked up monster porn on tumblr years ago and saved up a nice little spank-bank for myself. I'm mad that I didn't. So I'm likely gonna look around on the internet for some.

Now that I think of it, I should find some damn way to draw images of monsters watching the viewer, perhaps even doing stuff to themselves could even help with the immersion. Can't exactly do much with my husband due to a lack of privacy living with my parents and all. It sucks. :/

I think I'm done rambling about explicit, adult stuff too weird for normal adults, now.