#blender is killing me I hate it here

[darie-vox]

What to do at the end of the world

[fuzzbuns]

When nageki found the little king in the light house and pointed out that he was alone 😂😂😂 Moa cant keep getting away with this

[suguann]

There comes a point where Simon finally admits that he hates your new boyfriend—not that he’s liked any of your past relationships over the years, but this one he’s more vocal about—with a name not worth remembering. Matt? Martin?

He’d stopped trying after his first week back from work.

“I don’t fucking trust him,” he says one night while at the pub right under your apartment; it’s become a weekly ritual of sorts when he’s on leave ever since meeting you there on Soap’s birthday several years back. 

“You say that about every guy I have you meet,” you tell him in that know-it-all voice that you always use with him. “You hardly even know him, and his name’s Marcus, by the way. It wouldn’t kill you to use it.”

He snorts. “Love, the bloke would put his cock in anyone with tits and a warm cunt.”

“He wouldn’t,” your voice is soft because maybe you already know.

He would.

You’re so fucking oblivious that you don’t even realize this, but there’s nothing except stars in your eyes whenever you look at (or even talk about) the Naval officer who thinks he’s some bigshot because he can fly a plane. 

Even now, at your boyfriend’s promotion after-party in some back alley nightclub, he’s hardly talked to you or offered to get you a drink. You’re always too nervous to order one by yourself, and only Simon—tall and imposing standing beside you—could have the grumpiest bartender reach for the blender to make a blended cocktail. 

When he comes back with your drink—too big fingers unfolding the tiny umbrella for you—he watches your boyfriend (Marcus) flirt with a girl in a tight leather dress on the other side of the room. It’s that moment that he decides he’s tired of you giving your attention to someone who doesn’t deserve it, tired of you lying belly up for men who only want to sink their teeth into you and leave once they’ve had their fill. 

He likes to think he’s a pretty good friend—opening your eyes to something better is a job he takes rather seriously.

“It’s just a bit of fun,” he says after coming back with your third margarita, a small amount of frothy liquid sloshing over the side when he sets it down in front of you. “It’s okay to want it.”

You bite your lip, eyes dropping down to where he’s patting his thigh. “Just fun?”

“Yes, love.” He smiles. “Just fun.”

Let me.

Whether you’re tipsier than he thought or he’s just really persuasive, it’s easy to get you crawling into his lap in the corner of the cracked leather booth. His hands wander the span of your smooth thighs where your short skirt doesn’t reach, and he muffles a groan in your shoulder when you start squirming against the tent in his jeans.

You say his name like a warning when his hands find their way under your skirt, yet you’re biting back a moan and don’t tell him to stop.

Simon undoes his jeans and shifts them down before pushing up the back of your skirt and adjusting your hips to watch the tip of his dick slide between the covered cleft of your ass. Nobody in the room can see what the both of you are doing with your skirt fanning around his lap, but someone could if they were truly looking, and that has him tugging your panties to the side so he can feel you.

"Your boyfriend is too stupid to realize you're sitting here riding my lap. What do you think he'd say if he saw you like this?"

 “W-wait, Simon!” you squeak. “What if he sees—”

He’s almost tempted to roll his eyes at your blind devotion—I’ll deal with it—dealing with it would be him making sure the prick never tries talking to you again.

Then, his fingers, like iron at your hips, jerk you back to impale you on his cock. "Fuck," he says, voice trembling around the edges.

“O-oh! It’s too—ah—too big!”

He wraps a hand around the slender slope of your throat, fingers digging into vulnerable flesh as he pulls you back until his lips are at your ear, nose pressing into the soft skin of your cheek. “Come on, love. I know you can take the whole thing. Right inside this tight cunt.”

Simon thrusts into you shallowly, just the tip going in and out, and you whine, little fingers scrabbling at his wrist—gasping and shivering and bucking in the trap of his arms.

A smirk curls at the edges of his mouth when he finally bottoms out in your hot-wet cunt for your boyfriend to see from the other side of the room. He'd laugh at how his jaw drops, but he can only manage little choked intakes of air at the feel of you wrapped so tightly around him.

“Squeeze my cock for me—fuck, there you go.” He presses a kiss below your ear and reaches down to pet your soaked clit with his thumb. Feels the moment you realize that your boyfriend is watching when you tense up.

“I’ll deal with it,” he says again and again until you’re melting into him, thighs trembling around his. “Promise. I promise…”

I apologize if you see this again! I was trying to edit it, and it wouldn't format right with the gif. You can find part two here.

masterlist

[sweetimpurity]

a/n: dis is dirty (◠﹏◠✿) also new header! and theme! I’ll see if I hate it or not but let me know what you think!

cw: yandere toxic controlling, breathplay afab!reader

Thinking about Miguel, your husband who’s also a mob boss. He’s rough and demanding and at the beginning of your marriage it scared you. Made you hate him most of the time. But now it’s… different. Now you sort of crave it.

He doesn’t like for you to leave the estate very often, and not without one of his men by your side. But his offices are across the city. When you whine softly about not getting out very often, wanting to go out into the city, he drills it into your head that the outside world is dangerous and the only safe place is in the house where no one can get in and you can’t get out.

He tells you this as he’s pounding you into the sofa, your head hanging off the armrest, moaning his name like a song and your legs sprawled out so wide it’s almost painful. “You can’t leave because I need you here bunny… hah… can’t let you go can’t- can’t- oh fuck-“ He hitches, his face dipping into your hair, thumb rubbing circles in your pulse point, fingers wrapping around your throat and applying just the slightest of delicious pressure pushing you over the edge. Perfectly polished fingernails digging down his triceps, a gush of your essence down his cock and a gasping cry when you climax for the 4th time. And he comes with a low growl, his angular nose nudging into your cheek and squeezing your jugular as he buries inside; making sure to stick his load deep in you and trying to make you forget ever bringing it up in the first place.

And it’s like an addiction. Some nights you’re just giddy, watching the window for him to get home. Your clit ticklish thinking about him. Maybe your mind’s in the blender but who cares…

His car pulls up and he comes out. A scowl on his face and brow furrowed, walking by the security at the door and into the house. Ignoring the staff that welcomes him home and going straight to the bedroom. A rare sight, a smile coming to his lips when he sees you already there. Sitting on the bed like the good girl you are.

“Hey bunnygirl…” A wolfish grin accompanies his deep rough voice. Watching you with greedy eyes as he slowly removes his suit jacked, unbuttoning his shirt.

“Hi…” You hum, butterflies fluttering when he looks at you like that. Like he just wants to snap you in half, fuck you like a slut and pump you full of his cum.

“You look so pretty in that…” He says. Pulling his shirt off, his bare torso and chest on display. Scars and tattoos spanning across his deep skin, his chest, up and over his shoulders, down his arms. His dark eyes flick down over the light pink lingerie you’re wearing. A set he bought you. He buys you a lot of lingerie. More than anything else. He prefers you to wear that around the house. And the staff keeps their eyes to the floor.

He prowls over to you, to the edge of the bed and nudges your legs to open. Standing between them. His hands slipping into his pants pockets. Bending down to be at eye level, his gaze piercing and terrifying. A stare that could kill, and hands that have killed many times before.

Without a word, his nose brushes against yours, encouraging you to tilt your head for him. Your lashes flutter, eyes closing. This is what you’ve been waiting for all day isn’t it? His eyes stay open, smiling devilishly when he sees that expression. “Open your mouth, bunny…”

His voice is a deep rumble. Your lips hesitantly parting for him, debating opening your eyes but before you can he’s licking a stripe up your open lips. Coming in for the kill after a moment, after the rush sends full course.

Capturing your lips with his and pushing you down on the blankets. You don’t get a wink of sleep that night.

“Ohh bunny… baby!” He groans, a fistful of your hair and his hips slapping into your ass. Prone bone with your face in the pillows. His throbbing tip abusing your drooling heat with every push into your honey velvet.

It takes everything in you not to scream, gasping against the pillowcase and gripping on for dear life. “Ah… ngh! M-“ His pace is relentless. Pounding and pounding, the headboard knocking against the wall. Probably making a dent.

———

One day he calls you into his office. An especially stressful day and everyone is just pissing him the fuck off. He needs you. He can’t wait until later and he can’t go home now. There’s too much shit he has to deal with. His dark eyes are trained on the pictures of you on his desk as he waits for his driver to retrieve you.

And when you’re finally here, game over. He’s up and out from his desk, enveloping you in his arms as he kicks the door shut hard. “There’s my girl…” He whispers.

“Did you go shopping like I said?” He asks, turning you around and walking you back towards the desk, kissing your cheeks and unable to keep his hands off you. He’s already hard, been waiting for you all this time. “Mhm I got some new shoes… and-“ he silences you with a kiss. His tongue dipping into your mouth, swirling with yours and tasting you.

“Mm new shoes that’s good bunny…” he hums after pecking your lips a few times. Trying so hard to act like he cares but he’s already undressing you in his mind. “I hope you spent more than a thousand dollars this time…” he says. Now that he actually cares about. He tenderly pushes some whisps behind your ear. You nod softly, innocently.

“How much?” He grins.

“… I spent… ten thousand dollars…”

“In three hours?” He smiles, laughter threatening to bubble up in his chest. “Good girl…”

His words melt your mind in the exact way he intends them to. His desk a mess of work and your slick dripping down the expensive wood. But he wouldn’t have it any other way. Knocking into your sweet pussy and getting his relief. Lacing his fingers with yours and pulling them to his chest, his strokes are rough and unforgiving.

“Come for me baby… give it to me ohhh I wanna feel it…” he groans, leaning over you kissing up your chest, the valley between your breasts. Just feeding your ravenous cunt his inches, rolling his hips into you, watching your face contort.

brrrrrrrr brrrrrr

The phone rings on his desk. Tearing his eyes away from his favorite sight and pounding his fingers against the buttons to make it stop. But it rings against just after. Is it his fucking assistant trying to reach him? Can’t everyone tell he’s busy?

“Everybody fuck off!!” He shouts towards his office door, ripping the phone cord out of the wall, whipping it in the same direction. Smashing it to pieces, making you flinch, making you clench and squeeze around his thick dick inside you.

“Miguel!” You gasp, reaching for him, his chest, trying to reach your end, needing him, his attention. “I know I know-” he coos, reaching a hand to your face and gripping your jaw gently, teasing a finger along your lips and dipping it in. Letting you suck on his fingertips. “There you go… that’s a good girl…”

“You’re my girl, yeah? Yeah baby?”

“Mmm…”

“I know you need me… I know this pussy needs me huh bunny?” His fingers slip out of your mouth, grasping around your throat gently. For such a strong and violent man, he’s very aware of how much pressure is too much. “Need it so bad…”

“Come on…” he whispers. Lifting you into his arms, across the office and against the wall by the door. Pressing your back against it and pinning your hands over your head. His cock reaching even deeper like this. Alllll the way in.

“Ah-ngh! Mig!” You gasp, your squeaky voice exactly what he wants to hear. The sound of it surely penetrating these walls.

Sheathing inside you and the sound of him prodding through your slick sounds through the room. A satisfied grin on his face, watching the exact moment the band snaps and you rise into climax.

“Oh Miguel! Ah! Hahnghh!” You just burst, head throwing back and crying out for him. Your voice hoarse on screams. And he’s sure everyone on this floor will finally get the message. He’s busy fucking his wife.

[mad-maximoff]

We Met Again

Part 2 of When We Met since y’all asked so damn much! I just hope this one doesn't get censored too😅

Summary: You were on a 6-month-long mission with Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes only to come back to the compound and face Wanda.

Warnings: G!P reader, angst, making out, unprotected sex, ejaculation , soft sex turned rough, hair-pulling, breaking the bed (literally😂),

Word Count: 3,702

Prt 1 Here

"Welcome back Y/n, how was your little adventure with the boys?" Kate Bishop stood behind the bar making herself a pink alcoholic slush of some sort. You were covered in dirt and soot from head to toe. You just got off a mission with Sam and Bucky. You were in Egypt going about looking for a highly classified terrorist ring. Thankfully you got to them before they started their reign. 

"Adventure my ass. I slept on the dirt while the boys slept in cozy beds like princesses. I tell you what I need is a shower and to take a well-deserved dirt nap in a real bed." You threw your weapons on the table halting at a chair and flinging off your boots. "I'll clean this shit up later Kat, I've been waiting for this." You turned to see Kate pouring herself a tall misshapen glass full of pink slush. "Sure thing Y/n, you and I are the only ones here I think. You want the rest?" She licked the side of her glass where she spilt. "Why not, might help me crash harder." You reached around Kate grabbing the whole blender. There was more than a mouthful left. You thought maybe it was strawberry daiquiri, so you thought nothing of it and chugged it. The first sip made you gag.

"Jesus Christ Bishop! Paloma? Really? What are you 40? You've been around Potts too long. Good lord.." You hated tequila, especially grapefruit. You polished it off not backing down leaving it on a table in the middle of the hallway. You knew there were empty beds not touched by any of the other Avengers. Basically new. It was funny really. Everything to you looked new but it was just the same as the last time you were down this hallway. Maybe it looked new because the last time you were here you were drunk with your pants around your ankles. Come to think of it. That table was new. You pivoted around noticing the table on further inspection. You saw a crack along the wall. Oh yeah, you remember. That was the spot. The spot where you and Wanda...

Yeah...Wanda...

You remember where her room was. You remember you crashed there after you both finished your fun in the hall. Curiosity killed the cat. You noticed the door was slightly cracked allowing light to shine through. But it was almost midnight, it wasn't natural light. It was from a light. Is she there? Did she forget to turn off the lights? Maybe. You pondered. Kate did say after all you two were the two here so it was bound she forgot. It's a common mistake. 

You tip-toed over to her room letting your fingers creep through the part between the door and the wall slightly allowing the length of your fingers to pry the door a bit more. Your strength got the hold of you as it flung open. Wanda was sitting at the edge of her bed in her room, with her leg raised to lean her elbow on her knee, underneath her chin. 

"Kate honey I told you for the third time today. We can drink and watch Sex and The City tomorrow. I don't feel up to it." She huffed watching the news. Her brows were furrowed, her eyes darting back and forth watching the live footage of whatever catastrophe happened. "So you're the one drinking Palomas huh?" You leaned in the door frame crossing your arms. You had to laugh. You never thought she was a cocktail girl. Though..you never thought she was the kind to give blowjobs either but you were surprised by both.

"Oh..it's you...no I don't drink that shit. She found Tony's recipe book for Pepper and his date nights and she's drinking like a fish...When did you come back to the States?" She was genuinely surprised to see me. Her leg fell from where it was prompted. Wanda stood up walking the length of her bedframe around to meet you.

You were shocked also. Maybe she wasn't showing yet? You swore you thought you'd come home and find her pregnant but unless she's super athletic or has it hidden she doesn't look like she's expecting.

"Ah 30 minutes ago. Um..stupid question.." You scratched your head looking down at Wanda then back up at her eyes. She laughed standing in front of you. Her hand reached to your cheek whipping the loose dirt from your undereye. 

"Haha no! Unfortunately, I'm not pregnant. I don't know how. I always thought that first tries always work. I even helped you out a bit." 

"Unfortunately? You wanted me to get you pregnant? Are you insane? You don't even know me and you want kids from me! I'm too young to have a family! Even with my powers...let alone, what gives you the right to choose for me!" You broke her hand away backing away. You had to leave or else there'll be bigger cracks in the wall. 

"Y/n please, I never meant to hurt you. I just got confused that's all. You were so nice to me and after I lost Vis 2 times and lost my boys I just felt you comforted me. That's all." Wanda reached again grasping your bicep. You pulled away again this time hitting the wood casing around the frame with your elbow. The wood casing flew off behind you hitting the hallway floor.

"No! Don’t you dare touch me! All you cared about was yourself! Just because someone showed you comfort doesn't mean you let them cum inside you, Wanda! That's really fucked up! I'm sorry you lost your family but you can't just use me to play house!" You growled noticing your rage was becoming the better of you. Wanda through your eyes was becoming tiny. Her body language was making her small. Curling her fingers into the sleeves of her black cardigan, crossing her arm over to her elbow. She looked down at her bare feet letting out a shakey breath.

"I'm really sorry Y/n...I don't know what I was thinking. I've been so used to having people around me. That it feels weird to be by myself." Wanda's head was bowed letting her newly brown hair almost cover her head. A tiny tear ran down her blushed cheek wiping it away quickly.

All you saw was red. Not by Wanda's magic. But for some reason, you were enraged. How could you be this angry over something you fully did with Wanda 6 months ago? Maybe you do have a tiny bit of an anger problem. Little? In this case, that's an understatement. 

You huffed feeling the hot pressure on your chest cool down to your stomach. You think seeing Wanda so visibly upset may have broken your cross attitude. 

"Get used to it, Wanda." You had to storm off. If the conversation got any more heated; one of you was going to end up in a wall. And it was most likely going to be you. Maybe I'm just tired. Maybe if I get some sleep and a good shower I can speak to her more clearly. 

You thought gliding to one of the newly furnished rooms. 

Each room had its own bathroom. Tony is a playboy so obviously the bathroom was soundproof. The entire compound was all technology so a press of a button and the bedroom could be soundproof. You didn't need that tonight. You wished there was a switch to soundproof your head. 

How could I snap like that? I haven't done that in years! What the hell was I thinking to begin with?! You felt like you could stand under the hot water for hours. It took two layers of body wash just to scrub away the dirt from your body and finally feel human. Maybe you were scrubbing off your anger with it in a sense. You had your little outbursts but this one almost made you black out. Your lofa scraped at your skin furiously, leaving little imprints everywhere. Your back flexed in the mirror examining your clean body. Your hips were women but your shoulders and torso were the shape of a man. You had average-sized breasts. They were nothing special, they were nice to look at but nothing that could turn any heads. Perhaps you could say they were bigger than average but you never noticed.

You got out of the bathroom with the towel wrapped around your waistbone, as you inhaled walking to the foot of your bed your v-line showed every breath you took. You thought if someone was to walk in it would be less surprising seeing you topless instead of bottomless. 

"Fuck...you got buff little one.." You gasped in fright hearing Wanda's quiet voice coming from the chair hidden next to the wall. Wanda's makeup was smeared all over her under her eyes. She was sniffling back what little tears she produced. She was crying heavily, using the sleeves of her cardigan. "What the fuck do you want now? Can't you see I'm busy? I'm not giving in to your mind games." You turned to face your back to her loosening the towel from your waist to dry your legs. You reached around putting on a pair of boxer briefs. You heard a creek come from the corner of your room knowing Wanda got up. Her bare feet were quiet on the hardwood but not quiet enough for you to hear. 

"No mind games Y/n. I-I...wanted to apologize...you were right. I need to start learning how to be on my own. I deserve to be alone. I shouldn't have let you do those things to me." She held back a cry making her eyes gloss over. 

"Hey, I didn't mean it like that. I was actually going to apologize to you. I don't know what came over me. I lost my temper too quickly. I haven't done that in years. I shouldn't have taken it out on you." Your hands lifted Wanda's chin to look at you, letting all of her hair fall back behind her shoulders. She looked like a baby raccoon. It was cute but you felt awful that she was crying because of you. "I'm so sorry Wanda." Wanda's hands placed around your hips, sliding herself closer to your body. You pulled her in deeper holding her close. Her head rested on your shoulder letting her finish her cries. Your hands caressed her skull, intertwining with her locs. 

"It's okay..please, please stop crying. You're making me feel worse." You sat her down on the foot of the bed still massaging Wanda's head. She buried her face in your chest noticing her sobs being muffled into silent sniffles. One of your hands dropped placing it on her chest, directly on top of her heart. Her beats were rapid on the first touch, but once you dragged your fingertips along her skin she settled. Your other hand finally dropped rubbing her spine. She was frail in comparison to your body. Every muscle you flexed made it seem more apparent. 

"Thank you," she sniffled, using her sleeve to wipe away her stained makeup. "Thank you very much Y/n. I feel like sometimes I can just go off the handle." Wanda wiped another tear with her sleeve again, the tears glossed in her eyes and made her pupils sparkle as she looked so passionately into your eyes. 

"It's fine Wanda. We all go off the handle some days. I did it on you earlier. We just need to relax a little. The both of us." 

                             ╳°»｡ ∾･⁙･ ღ ➵ ⁘ ➵ ღ ･⁙･∾ ｡«°╳

You and Wanda laid down together in silence. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence however, it felt somehow to you a healing silence. You two didn’t need to talk, that’s what got you two into shit before. Just cuddling together. Wanda laid her head on your bare chest. You threw on a random stupid movie on TV, it was one of those goofy movies that two dudes probably smoked a joint and started filming. You didn’t like it; Wanda found it comical. She’d laugh at the slightest action or joke. 15 minutes later however she was silent. You peered down checking up on her. Her eyes fluttered, she was falling asleep. You twitched which made her jump. 

“Jesus…what’s happened?” She whispered. I knew she fell asleep for a moment. You could hear it in her tone. Groggy and low. 

“Nothing sorry. My leg just spasmed. It’s okay, you can go back to sleep.” Your hand ran down Wanda's thigh. Her skin was soft just like you remembered. 

“Shut up, I wasn't sleeping.” She giggled rolling her head the other way. 

“Oh I'm sorry, I just saw the stucco on the ceiling coming apart so I thought you were snoring.” You joked.

“Fuck off!” She laughed sitting up on your lap. “I do not snore!” Her hands grasped a fist full of your bare breasts in either hand. It felt good to be handled again. As soon as her hands touched you that way, you instantly felt you were getting hard. It wasn't an embarrassment any longer. You had another one-night encounter after Wanda that made feel 10x better about your appearance. 

“No, that's just loudly humming in your sleep isn't it?” Your hands tightened around her hips slowly moving them back and forth. Wanda sucked air through her teeth letting a little gasp. "Ohh-stop!" She laughed biting her lower lip. "You want something else don't you detka?" Her dress grazed the front of your boxers, just to tease you. 

"Perhaps. This time, it's on my terms. This time." Your hands pushed down on Wanda's thighs rubbing your forming bludge on the fabric of her panties. Her brows raised, turning her cheeks into a rose colour. "Really? Would you still want to? Even after everything I did?..."  

“Of course.” You freed your hands from her thighs, swishing a strand of her hair away from her face looking into her emerald eyes. She giggled again looking down at your chest. “You’re tits are huge Y/n.” Wanda’s hands clutched my full chest. "I don't think I saw them last time." She squeezed each handful. You whinced with her nails digging into your skin. 

"Ha! Well, I hope you remember something else's size." You joked lightly tugging at your boxers. “Hmm..I think I definitely need a refresher.” Wanda tugged the hem of her dress; pulling it over her head as her arms whisked it to the floor. Wanda’s hands jerked at the elastic band around your hips. Your fairly large erection greeted both of you with a fair shock as it bounced its way to freedom. “Oh yes, I remember now.” Her tongue folded against the tops of her teeth. Your hands held a firm grip on either side of Wanda’s panties ripping them off. “Seems you don’t need this huh?” She giggled letting out a small whimper. “Fuck-…can we stop all this talking Y/n? I really need you.” Your fingers trailed along her mound going further in her slit. Her inner core was silk. Your finger slipped inside effortlessly. Her little sounds became more low. “Oh…g-god.” Her head dropped down making her lips lay on mine. "Stop fucking teasing me..." She groaned as her teeth bit the bottom of my lip. "Okay, you asked for it." You flipped Wanda onto her back. The bed's feet raised as the bed made a thump. "Did you want condoms?" 

"N-no. No, Wanda, I can pull out." You bent down locking your lips with hers again. "Haha..sure, sure you can Y/n." Wanda's eyes glowed red again briefly. "Fuck no more games. Just let me fuck you by myself." Your fingers slid between Wanda's folds before slipping your cock inside. She gasped curling her fingers into the sheets. Your hands planted on the mattress on either side of Wanda's head. She uncurled her fingers from the bedsheets, moving them around your wrists. Her breaths were choppy trying to get ahold. You thought she looked so beautiful underneath you, the way her skin naturally glowed, her pearly white smile chewing her bottom lip, the way she looked at you. Not in a loving way just yet, in an adoring way? A needing way. 

"Go on. Keep making those pretty sounds for me, sweetheart." Your hips dove in feeling her walls coating you effortlessly. Wanda’s whines grew deafening, her eyes did not stop turning shades of red. 

“Oh shit…y/n…uh-…” Wanda's head rolled back on the mattress. Dropping her jaw open. You began to thrust with a heavy pace. Becoming quick with every moan that escaped Wanda’s lips. The bed frame formed a squeaking noise with each pump into the brunette. Wanda’s leg had a hard time trying to stay afloat around your hips, slipping every movement you two shared. You stopped pulling out briefly. 

“What-..Y/n? Why did stop?! Continuă…” Wanda cried out allowing her hands to fall scratching your biceps. “I will, don't worry. Go flip on your stomach, on your knees and bend over.” Wanda sighed a sly smile flipping onto her knees, arching her back letting her chest lay on the mattress. She glanced over her shoulder with her hair covering her face. Your hand traced her temple softly, leading your fingers into the brunette's long strands. Grasping a fistful of Wanda’s hair. You peered down watching your cock twitch in anticipation with Wanda’s ass sway in the same feeling of suspense. Your other hand grasped Wanda’s thigh sliding your shaft back into her slick folds. 

“Oh…fuck-” Wanda sucked air through her teeth tilting her head down with your hand still tight on her hair. You did begin to thrust slowly as you once did, you began to ram yourself deeply inside the witch as though you were pushing through air. Wanda's hand gave out mid-pump landing on her chest. Her hands gripped the bedsheets as she tried to move her head to a more comfortable spot. "Fuck...you have such a nice ass." You twisted Wanda's hair around your knuckles applying a forceful tug. Her head raised leaving a spot of drool on the sheets. "Uh-huh!" Wanda's head cocked further to watch you. Your hand jerked the fistful of Wanda's hair pulling her hair as hard as you could muster without ripping all of her hair out entirely. Her body lifted off the mattress onto her knees. Her back pressed on your chest laying her head on your shoulder. "Oh god!...Shit!" Your wrist could not take it anymore, you let go of Wanda's hair allowing it to fall behind your shoulder. Your hand relaxed on Wanda's thigh attaching every finger around the softest part of her leg. Wanda's arm flung around your throat holding herself up. "Shit...I'm going to cum..." Wanda's moans were silent as she took a small breath. "Huh? Good baby...me too." You sighed out feeling yourself climbing higher and higher up to your point of no return. "Do it Y/n." Wanda used her knees bouncing her body against you. 

"Do what Wand?" You groaned in her ear smelling her sweet perfume sweat off onto you. "Cum in me...please..." Her cheek heated on yours as you felt her jaw lock open not letting another sound out. "Y-you sure? I don't know." You did not want to take that chance again, you had some rendezvous with a certain green bulky woman in Egypt, knowing you mastered your craft of pulling out. If you did not get her pregnant 6 months ago, hell, you couldn't do it again right? 

"F-fine...you want me to cum inside you huh?" You huffed tightening your grip on Wanda's thighs, the wooden bedframe continued to rattle. The frame began to bell out with your knees ready to cave. "Yes! Yes!" 

"Yes, what?" 

"Cum inside me Y/n! Fill me!" Wanda's voice shrieked out letting go of a low-toned moan. "Oh god! I'm cumming!" Wanda grasped firmly on your neck vibrating her entire body. Her eyes glow red tracing red mists around both of your bodies. "Fuck!" The pressure within you exploded, you could not think if it was you that came or if Wanda had some help to speed it up. You felt your cock throb spewing out your cum in the witch. She tried her best to make her body stay still, her thighs would not stop fidgeting. You bucked your knees forward to have Wanda fall on her stomach as you fell with her. The bedframe finally gave way as the mattress hit the floor. You both hit a thump, Wanda chuckled under your body softly as she took a quick breath. "Well, shit. How do you expect to explain this to Tony?" 

"We'll blame Kate," You sighed wiping a bead of sweat from your brow. "She got too drunk and we found her jumping on the bed. Agreed?" 

"Agreed detka. Let's get out of here. We can go to my room." You arose to see the bedposts still standing but the wood beams holding the bed just fell. "Well, this was a great welcome back." You stretched out your arms above your head hearing the cracks of your shoulder blades. "I'd say so." You stood up from the mattress whisking your boxers off the floor. 

"Y/n? You don't need those." Wanda sat up on her knees running her hands through her hair. You bent over as you picked Wanda up by her thighs and wrapped them around your waist. "Haha! I sure do. I don't want to scare Kate if we run into her." You took hefty strides over to the bedroom door, making your way down the hall to Wanda's room. Wanda draped her hands around your neck giving a sly little smile as she looked over her shoulder. Her wrist flicked a red mist, you witnessed the red mist run down the staircase doing nothing after it left the stairs. "There. She won't bug us. I put her to sleep for the night. Now, we can have more fun." 

"Good. Let's hope I don't break your bed this time." 

"Well, don't promise that. I'd love you to ruin me." Her finger traced along your jaw down your throat. "Ask, and you shall receive." 

[luciaintheskyainthi]

just gotta say i love your ECM story so much- I'm never going to not ship Spiderman with Redhood again and happily resign myself to be further entrenched in the rare-pair universe. (if you ever want to hear why Kermit the Frog is in love with Grover from Sesame st, I have a notebook)

But I come to you with a funny that i just thought of upon a reminder of the spideypool ship.

(I honestly was always meh about their ship, but their dynamic in the crossover comic is objectively fun. That comic is also my reference point for the characters in this context)

Anyway

Wade: Spidey! You two-timed me with my lesser emo knockoff!

Peter: Are you implying that you have multiple emo knockoffs?

Jason: Knockoff? Of that guy! He looks like someone tossed Deathstroke in a blender.

Wade: Rude. I'm Deathstroke tossed in a blender if he was 40% less road sign and 100% more Canadian. And yeah, I saw that skimpy little number of yours in Gotham Knights. Warner Brothers isn't fooling anyone.

Jason *mildly confused blank stare*

Peter: I have no idea what this conversation is about.

Wade: This quote-un-quote relationship you have with buckethead here. Webs, please, tell me what he has that I don't! I can tape a bat to my chest and whine about daddy. What am I missing?

Peter: An off switch.

Wade: Wow. You know what, fine! Continuity be damned! Go for the reboot Robin folks hated so much that they overwhelmingly voted in a call-in audience poll to let the Joker kill him. I made more than a billion at the box office last year. I am basically the immortal version of Ryan Renolds. I know my worth, Spidey, and in the words of Celine Dion, my heart will go on!

Peter: ...

Jason: ...

Jason: ... you mind repeating that first part, pal.

Oh my friend, welcome to rarepair hell. The pairing on AO3 hasn't even hit triple digits yet 🥲🥲 (98!!! We're sooooo close lmao)

I do love the idea of Deadpool gesturing between himself and Jason, all WHAT DOES HE HAVE THAT I DOONN'TTTT

(aLSO?! 'Skimpy little number' you hath slain me whaaat that's so funny to me 😹😹😹 )

Also I'll never recover from the fact that fans voted to kill Jason (although there's plenty of evidence that DC had intentions of doing it to Jason anyway. The main writer at the time hated the idea of child sidekicks, but especially Jason. They were gunning for Jason for a while). The angst potential involved in Jason learning that his death was planned in such a way 😩😩😩 augh it hurts so good.

[athenamikaelson]

Complaints and Harriet Styles Pt. 2

Klaus Mikaelson x reader

Warnings- strong language, innuendos, mentions of blood and death.

Word count- 2.5k 

 “Would it make me a bad person if I said he was hot?’ I asked Caroline as I sat in front of her vanity mirror as she curled my hair.  

“Y/n,” Caroline frowned at me as she looked at me through the mirror, “he either killed or is trying to kill our friends. He’s a bad guy, so don’t even think about it.” 

“I’m not saying I want to bang the guy or anything,” As I say that the the thought crosses my mind and it’s clear Caroline knows that as well as her frown deepens, “Care don’t get your Barbie hair in a twist. Even though his accent is dreamy and his blue eyes make my knees shake. I’m not going to try anything, obviously.” I say mockingly as Caroline watches me as if she’s somehow aged 100 years since our conversation began. Which you know isn’t possible because she’s literally immortal. 

“Sometimes I don’t know what to do with you. You’re either arguing with someone or hitting on them. Or even both!” She says as she throws her hands up in emphasis, the curler unplugging itself during her action. 

We both sit there in silence for a moment looking at the curler’s wire. I look up at her with a sly smile, “Does this mean we’re finally done? My ass hurts from sitting here and being your personal doll.” Caroline puts her hand on her hip with a displeased look on her face. 

“I haven’t finished curling the other half of your head, so turn around and shut it. And didn’t you just say I was the Barbie doll?” She says matter-of-factly as she replugs in the curler and waits for it to heat back up. 

“Ok well you are a Barbie doll, I’m more like that doll that Angelica had in Rugrats, y’know the one with fucked up hair and looks like she just got thrown into a blender.” I laugh at my own joke as Caroline rolls her eyes, a smile trying to make its way onto her face. 

I glance at my dark eyeshadow that makes my y/e/c eyes bright. 

“Why do I even have to go to this stupid dance, our school has like 14 a year. How does our town even have the budget for that? And why do we have to do weird decade dances?” 

“Y/N you’re going to homecoming, end of story. It’s our senior year. This past year has been so crazy that we deserve a little normalcy.” She says as she finishes my last section of hair. 

“Normalcy? You do realize that every dance we’ve had since last year has ended with someone dead or impaled right? It isn’t a Mystic Falls high school dance if it doesn’t end in blood!” Caroline just watches me in annoyance as she sprays my hair with hairspray, “accidentally” spraying some into my face.

“Bitch!” I cough out.

“Go get dressed!” She uses her strength to lift me up and push me over to her closet where my y/f/c dress is hanging.

I look over my shoulder, “I hate you.” 

Caroline smiles, “Love you too brat.”

-------------

I listen to the live band as I sip on the disgusting drink in my hand. Caroline who was supposed to chaperone tonight left me to go yell at Tyler for his wolfy crush or whatever on Klaus. I’m seriously debating on just walking myself home, since Caroline was my ride, as I watch on in disgust as teenagers grind against each other to the fast song the band is playing in the backyard of Tyler’s house. Somehow Tyler was able to put together a huge party since the gym was flooded last minute. Caroline didn’t seem suspicious but I on the other hand always think the worst is going to happen at any time, and with my friend group's history with dances I wouldn’t be surprised if something was going to go down tonight. I'm about to grab my bag and leave before shit goes down when I hear a British accent come from behind me. 

“Welcome everyone tonight,” I turn around, and low and behold that British fuck from Senior prank night is standing up on the stage in front of all of us, yapping about something. 

“This is a long time coming,” He says as he watches someone from the crowd with a smirk on his face. I follow his eye line to see Stefan staring back at him. Yikes. I look back to the Brit but find his eyes staring in my direction. I don’t think he’s looking at me until I send a look of disgust at him which makes the smirk on his face deepen. Fuck me. Wait. No. I quickly turn around and start to make my way to the edge of the party hoping to make my escape before I get sucked into whatever bullshit the Scooby gang is going to try to drag me into. I smile to myself as I’m about to be successful in my escape as my vision is blocked by something. Said something bumps me backwards throwing me off balance and I wait to hit the ground as I start falling, but nothing comes. I look up to see Klaus grabbing ahold of the top of my arm, keeping me from falling down.  

“What a fucking cliche,” I say to myself angrily. Klaus looks at me inquisitively. 

“What’s a cliche?” He asks me with that stupidly hot accent as I rip my arm away from his hold and put another foot's distance between us.

“You catching me,” I tell him but he only looks confused, “Y’know in romcoms when the girl trips and falls but doesn’t actually fall because the random hot main guy catches her. It’s a big fucking cliche.” I say huffing as Klaus watches me with that stupid fucking smirk on his face.

“And I’m the main hot guy?” He asks, clearly trying to get me to go along with his current ego trip.

“No, you’re not. Ryan Gosling is the hot main guy or Paul Rudd,” I let out a satisfactory sigh at Paul Rudd, “You’re more of the evil boos villain in video games.” 

“And what’s so wrong with being the villain?” He asks me as he takes a step towards me. 

I look at him with what I can only guess looks like a “are you fucking kidding me” look. 

“Literally everything. That’s literally the whole point of being the villain.” I put my hand out stopping him from stepping closer. Klaus watches me closely for a second too long. His gaze makes me quite uncomfortable because I can’t tell if he wants to kill me for speaking to him like I just did or applaud me for having the balls to. God, sometimes I just need to learn to shut the fuck up. 

“Dance with me.” He states as he puts his hand out waiting for me to give him my hand in return. My gaze goes from his face to his hand multiple times before I shake my head in annoyance. 

“No way dude,” I say as I start to book it back towards the house away from him. I don’t get far though because he’s in front of me again with a determined look on his stupidly hot face. God why does it always have to be the bad guys that are hot? 

“Either you dance with me, or I start killing your friends off one by one. I wonder where that blond friend of yours is, Tyler’s little girlfriend.” He says with a dark glint in his eyes. 

“Why?” I try to hold my ground even though I’m pretty sure I’m about to start pissing myself any second now. 

“Why what?” he asks me as he watches me.

“Why do you want to dance with me? Theirs like 200 other girls here that I’m sure would just jump at the chance to dance with some British guy.”

Klaus just shrugs his shoulder as if he himself doesn’t even have an answer to the question. 

“Because none of them have had the displeasure of catching my eye.” 

“And let me guess, I have?” I ask him. He doesn’t give me an answer though, only reaches out his hand once again waiting for me to take it. Annoyed I slap my hand in his and drag him to the dance floor. Once I push us into the middle of a big group, I turn to him.

“Don’t be pissy if I step on your toes.” Klaus just lets out a huff of a laugh as he drags my body closer to him so my chest is touching his. A shudder goes through my body at the contact and I mentally curse myself for the reaction. Fuck he smells good. Jesus Y/N get a grip, he’s just a guy. A thousand-year-old hot guy, but still just a guy. I look up to find Klaus already staring at me, with a knowing smirk on his face. I just roll my eyes as I try to play it off cool as he sways me to the now slow song.

“So tell me, how did you become friends with my doppelganger and her little group of followers?” A weird feeling of sadness flows through me at his question as I realize he only asked me to dance for information on my friends. 

“We grew up together. Small town like this everyone knows each other, sadly.” I say looking off to the distance and watching the other couples converse lovingly with one another. 

“Why sadly?” He asks me, and for a second I could’ve sworn I heard actual curiosity. I glance back at him and shrug. 

“I just hate this town. I never liked people knowing my business, and everyone here is so complacent with their normal lives. They never question anything or want to know more about anything other than what happens in our weird ass town.” I blush as I realize I just rambled on to a complete psycho about my feelings. But, the look on Klaus’s face isn’t one of annoyance or humor like the other people I’ve vented to usually have on their faces. His face turns from contemplation to understanding. 

“I know what you mean,” He says as he expertly twirls me around, “when I was a boy I grew up in a small village where the wasn’t much chance for prospering. I loved the arts and knew I would never be able to do anything with it. It made me angry. So I can understand your resentment.” He tells me and for a second I forget that he’s the blood-thirsty monster ruining my friend’s lives. 

“You like art?” He looks down at me with a soft smile as if the subject brings out a different side of him. 

“I’ve loved it for over a thousand years. The way emotions can be shown through a canvas and bring out emotion so foreign is unlike anything else I found over a millennium of living,” His eyes trail down to mine, “What do you think?” 

I nod softly in agreement, “I love art. Not really painting because I’m kind of shit at it, but sketching and just looking at art. Although I’m not a fan of this new-age art where someone can splash a canvas with a line of color and sell it for a million dollars. I like art that means something to someone. Art that when you look at it you can feel the emotions that the artist was feeling, every move of the brush stroke made with heart and emotion.” Klaus nods along to my rambling again with a soft look on his face. A look that I can’t quite decipher since it’s on the face of one of the scariest men in the world. 

As the song comes to an end I reluctantly let go of Klaus’s hands. He stares at me for a moment and I think he’s just going to turn around and walk off realizing he didn’t get the information he wanted but then a small laugh escapes his lips and he shakes his head. I watch on in slight confusion wondering if he’s having some kind of stroke or something. 

“You’re not like them you know,” he must notice my confusion because he continues, “like your friends. You’re nothing like them.” I pang of hurt pierces my chest as I turn away and start to walk off, “Well screw you too.” 

“I didn’t mean that as an insult,” He says hastily as he grabs my arm turning me back towards him, “You’re friends they’re small-minded. They think of only themselves and not the world around them, or how amazing it can be.” I go to interrupt him and tell him not to insult my friends but he cuts me off. 

“You need something bigger than this little town. Something that brings you life. When I originally saw you that night in the gym I thought you were just going to be like the rest of them. But you surprised me Y/n, and not many people can say that.” 

I just stare at him in amazement for what seems like forever as I try to piece together everything he just told me. In my stupor though a woman approaches Klaus and whispers something to him which makes his originally light demeanor change to something dark. The woman walks away as Klaus looks at me once more.

“Whenever you decide you want to be a part of something bigger, see something other than this little town I’d be happy to show you. All you need to do is ask.” He tells me as he grabs my hand and places a chaste kiss upon it. I still can't get the balls to say anything as he gives me one last glance before he follows behind the woman. 

What the actual fuck.

-------------

I walked up to my front porch after getting dropped off by Matt because I guess Tyler drugged Caroline with vervain to save her from a pack of mind-controlled hybrids so that’s why she couldn’t bring me home. Sometimes I really hate my friend group. Why can’t for once we deal with normal people's problems like pop quizzes or acne? Like why does not one person in that entire group have a pimple on their skin? That’s the most supernatural thing going on here.

I’m about to open my front door when a small envelope catches my eye at the bottom of my feet. I look over my shoulder and only see Matt as he waits for me to enter my house. I wave to him with the envelope in hand and walk inside my house. I hastily open the envelope and pull out a piece of thick canvas paper. The paper is covered with a beautiful sketch of what appears to be an open field covered in flowers with grazing horses in the distance. Being so engrossed in the sketch I didn't notice the small note on the back. 

“There’s a whole world out there just waiting for you to experience, love. When you’re ready to experience it, I’ll be waiting.” – Klaus

Taglist-

@grac3aph3lion @megmcc2003 @kollover24 @nameunknownsthings

[zepskies]

OMG I KEED A PART 2 TO SAM HAVING A CRUSH ON DEANS GF

Like idk maybe say Sam didn't listen to Dean and tried making a move on reader? Like ofc he wouldn't ever do that *I don't think* but in this hypothetical scenerio it happens

Hey hun!

Oooof, that's hard. You guys really like this angsty love triangle stuff, huh? 😂 I genuinely think Sam would rather saw off his own hand than hurt Dean that way. But this is like, the only thing I could think of on this one. 😅

See this imagine for context: You are Dean's one exception.

Pairing: Dean W. x Reader, one-sided Sam W. x Reader Word Count: 1,100

Imagine: Sam crosses the line.

Goddamn witches.

That's the last coherent thought Sam has, before his mind is no longer completely his to control.

Well, it's still his mind. His body. But the careful door in his mind and in his heart, reinforced with steel and chained shut with titanium, combo-coded, locked and loaded, now has broken hinges.

Thoughts he hasn't allowed himself to think for months are pried open, with a sick kind of enjoyment in pain.

You're his brother's girl. Sam can't help but love you. He wants you. And now, he might be able to have you.

The witch is dead, but the spell she just hit Sam with remains. He's not dead, so that's a plus.

"Are you okay?" you ask him, slightly breathless. You're the closest to where he's sprawled on the ground, so you go to him. You touch his arm, and he can't help but clamp down on your hand. He looks at you with the thinly veiled eyes of a hunter as he smiles. Because your concern reaches the deepest parts of him.

"I'm fine," he says.

But Dean reads the hunger in his brother's eyes. He's subtle in the way he grasps your shoulder and Sam's (noticeably tighter).

"But what happened? How do you feel?" you ask, trying to take stock of what you're all dealing with here.

"I uh...feel fine, actually," Sam says. He rolls his shoulders. His gaze focuses on you. Dean holds him back from getting off the ground.

"Get the book. See if there's a way to fix this," Dean tells you without taking his eyes off Sam.

Sam tilts his head at Dean, the beginning of an angry frown on his lip as you rush away to find the witch's spell book.

"What's the matter, Dean?" Sam asks. He doesn't bother to lower his voice. (He literally doesn't have a filter anymore.) "Afraid of what might happen when she actually has the chance to choose?"

Dean's lips purse as his eyes darken. "This isn't you. And when you wake up from this, you're either gonna hate yourself for even thinkin' what you're thinkin', or you're gonna have one hell of a headache."

Sam stares back incredulously. He scoffs. "What're you gonna do, kill me?" They both know that's not happening.

But that's also when Dean knocks him the hell out.

When Sam wakes, it's to you stuffing tissues in his bloody nose. He groans a bit. He looks at you and still wants. But when he looks down at himself, he's in the bunker, handcuffed to the war room table.

You look worried for him as you go back to your side of the table with the book. Dean is oddly nowhere in sight. Sam thought he'd be watching you (and Sam) like a hawk.

"Dean'll be back in a sec. He's trying to get ahold of Rowena," you supply. "But how're you feeling? What's the spell doing to you exactly?"

Sam rolls the kinks out of his neck and removes the tissues, even though his entire face radiates with pain. His brother once promised to break his nose, and he did just that.

"Basically? I think it took away my inhibitions," he replies. More like threw them in a blender and put his deepest, headiest desires into overdrive.

You frown. "Like a really bad bender, or a truth serum kind of thing? But why would he punch you out for that?"

Your gears are turning rapidly, weighing out all the options. You always were smart. Sam leans forward slowly. Noting your thread of wariness, his face softens. He doesn't want to scare you...

He sighs. "Listen...there's something I've been wanting to tell you for a while now."

He reaches out a hand. You're looking at him in frozen surprise. His curled fingers brush your cheek. He leans in toward your face.

But you flinch and pull away.

"What the hell are you doing?" you ask.

Sam should've known, but it still hurts him. His jaw clenches. The spell takes away his self-preservation, however.

Just as he might've tried with words to finally confess the depths of his heart, the door creaks open.

The sound of Dean's heavy boots approaching makes him flinch. But Sam looks over with an unrepentant stare.

Dean glances at Rowena, nostrils flaring. "Fix him." He gestures at Sam before he joins you on your side of the table, resting a protective hand on your back.

Rowena shoots him a droll look. "Only because you asked so nicely."

"I don't need fixing!" Sam argues, glaring at Dean. His voice echoes on the bunker's walls. "You're just afraid of what happens if she knows the truth!"

Your eyes widen further. You look from Sam, to your boyfriend. Dean's jaw is clenched tight.

"Okay, what the fuck is going on?!" you ask in earnest. Dean meets your gaze for a moment, his face tense. His reluctant eyes communicate to you things you never knew. Things that clog emotion in your throat. Dean turns back to Sam.

"Don't do this, Sammy. It don't end well for you," Dean says.

"Like hell," Sam retorts.

"Okay, sleep now, dear," Rowena says. And with a wave of her hand and a haze of violet, Sam's world once again blackens.

When he next wakes, he's in his own bed. Not restrained. He indeed has a massive headache, and it's hard to breathe through his still broken nose. He groans and turns, and his brother is there.

When the overwhelming guilt sets in, Sam knows he's himself again, with all the careful walls around his heart put back in place. Rowena must've broken the spell when he was unconscious. Dean can see the truth in Sam's eyes.

"There he is," Dean remarks dryly. "Our giant Jekyll and Hyde."

Sam inhales deeply. "Dean..." I'm sorry doesn't quite cut it.

"She knows," Dean says, after a moment. "Obviously."

Sam nods, swallowing past a lump in his throat. He hesitates to ask the next burning question, because part of him knows the answer.

"It doesn't change anything."

Sam's head turns at the sound of your voice. You stand in the doorway, with your arms crossed despite the disheartened look on your face. Your eyes meet his, steady and sad, but firm.

"I know," Sam says, with a small, self-deprecating smile. "I'm sorry...for all this."

"It's not your fault," you reply. Spell or no spell, the way he feels is not his fault.

You step into the bedroom and go to Sam's bedside, laying a hand on Dean's shoulder. That hand smoothes up his neck, and your fingers briefly thread into his hair. Another silent conversation passes between you and Dean, the way only lovers that close can accomplish.

After a beat, Dean nods and gets up out of his chair. He thumbs at your cheek; it's both an answer to your unspoken request and an endearment. Then he pats Sam's shoulder before he leaves you and Sam alone in the room.

Trust. That's what that is. Dean trusts you, and now that the spell has worn off, he trusts Sam again.

Sam meets your gaze. As awful as he feels, he still loves you. He knows you know by the way your gaze meets his.

All he wants to do is touch you.

To apologize, and to touch you.

He hates himself.

You shake your head. "I love you, Sam. As my friend. My brother."

"I know," he nods. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry," you reply. "You just have to respect that."

"'Course, I do," Sam nods again. You would've never known, if not for the damn spell.

You surprise him by taking his hand. Yours is soft and warm and kind.

Always kind...

But never truly his to hold.

AN: GAH! The Angst. You could bottle it. 😩

Want to know what that conversation was like between Dean and the reader after she "found out?"

Read It Here: You and Dean talk about Sam's feelings.

Dean Winchester Imagines

Dean Winchester Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Dean W. Tag List:

@hobby27 @kazsrm67 @letheatheodore @agothwithheavysetmakeup @jacklesbrainworms @foxyjwls007 @wincastifer @iamsapphine @simpforbuckyb @vanillawhiskeyflavoredkisses @roseblue373 @this-is-me19 @emily-winchester @spnexploration @deans-spinster-witch @deans-baby-momma @iprobablyshipit91

@melancholictearz @nic-kolas @sleepyqueerenergy @wayward-lost-and-never-found @thewritersaddictions @just-levyy @samanddeaninatrenchcoat @deanwanddamons @antisocialcorrupt @lacilou @adoringanakin @theonlymaninthesky @teehxk @midnightmadwoman @brianochka @branj19

@agalliasi @venicesem @chriszgirl92 @lyarr24 @ladysparkles78 @solariklees @xsophianicolex @deansbbyx @candy-coated-misery0731 @curlycarley @sarahgracej @bagpussjocken @ultrahviolentart @chernayawidow @beskarfilms @mimaria420

[iamumbra195]

Random One Piece incorrect quotes cause I'm bored

Some of these are modern au though

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

*Sanji's not there*

Usopp: HELP! I TOLD LUFFY I’D COOK DINNER TONIGHT BUT I CAN’T COOK!

Zoro, pouring alcohol directly into a cereal bowl:

Zoro: And you thought I could help?

...

Luffy: In my defense, I was left unsupervised.

Nami : Wasn't Zoro with you?

Zoro: In my defense, I was also left unsupervised

...

Law: I trust Mugiwara-ya.

Penguin: You think he knows what he's doing?

Law: I wouldn't go that far.

...

Sabo: Dandelions symbolize everything I want to be in life

Ace, confused: Fluffy and dead with a gust of wind?

Sabo: Unapologetic. Hard to kill. Feral, filled with sunlight, bright, beautiful in a way that the conventional and controlling hate but cannot ever fully destroy. Stubborn. Happy. Bastardous. Friends with bees. Highly disapproving of lawns. Full of wishes that will be carried far after I die.

Luffy: edible

...

Nami: We need to get through this locked door. Usopp, give me your credit card.

Usopp: Here.

Nami, pocketing it: Thanks. Luffy, kick down the door.

...

Chopper: You know those things will kill you, right?

Zoro, pouring another glass of whiskey: That’s the point.

Sanji, smoking a cigarette: We’re trying to speed up the process.

Luffy: *Nods while eating raw cookie dough*

...

Robin: Why is Luffy so sad?

Nami: He took one of those “Which Character Are You?” quizzes

Robin: And...?

Nami: He got Buggy

*Zoro cackling in the background

...

Zoro: Self care is actually getting into fights with randos in dark alleys.

Nami: No, self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath, or putting on a lot of makeup if you like it, or taking a nice warm nap!

Kin'emon, trying to be poetic: Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you!! Self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists!! Self care is the fear in your enemies’ eyes!!!

Usopp: Lmao self care is taking Luffy's birthday meat cake just so I can eat the frosting.

Luffy: If you touch my meat cake I’ll make you eat your hands.

Sanji, losing his mind: WHY IS THERE FROSTING ON MEAT?

...

Franky, about Jinbe: Apparently we’re getting someone new in the group.

Robin: Are we stealing them?

Brook: New or used?

Franky, cackling: Wonderful responses, both of you.

...

Smoker: You’re receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle.

Sanji: Shit.

Usopp: Wait, three?

Smoker: Yeah?

Nami: OH MY GOD ZORO FELL OFF!!!

...

Kin'emon: Tonight, one of you has betrayed us.

Ashura: Is it me?

Kin'emon: No, it’s not you.

Denjiro: Is it me, Kin?

Kin'emon: It’s not you either.

Kanjuro: Is it me, Kin'emon?

Kin'emon, bleeding from several debilitating injuries:

Kin'emon, mockingly: Is IT mE kiN'eMOn?

...

Usopp: Can I be frank with you guys?

Luffy, confused: Sure, but I don’t see how changing your name is gonna help.

Chopper: Can I still be Chopper?

Franky, snickering: Shh, let Frank speak.

...

Sabo: You lying, cheating, piece of shit!

Koala: Oh yeah? You’re the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD

Sabo: I’m leaving you, and I’M TAKING ROBIN-CHAN WITH ME

Hack, picking up the monopoly board: I think we’re gonna stop playing now.

...

Law, walking into his submarine: Hello, people who do not belong here.

Zoro: Hey.

Sanji: Hi.

Robin: Hello.

Chopper: Hey!

Law: I gave you my vivre card for emergencies only!

Luffy, grinning: We were out of meat.

...

Sanji: You know, I'm starting to regret showing you how that blender works.

Luffy, drinking meat: Why do you say that?

...

Zoro: Do you take constructive criticism?

Nami: I only take cash or credit.

...

Koala: Why are you on the floor?

Sabo: I'm depressed.

Sabo: Also I was stabbed, can you get Ivankov, please.

...

Robin: If I accidentally sat on a voodoo doll of myself, would I be trapped forever in that position, doomed to starve to death?

*everyone looks ay Karasu

Karasu: What? How am I supposed to know?

Lindbergh: You say, as if we don’t use you as a source of knowledge of the occult.

Karasu: *sighs*

Karasu: You wouldn't be trapped

...

Vivi: I love you guys, you're the best thing that's happened to me.

Nami: We're the best thing that's ever happened to you?

Vivi: Yes!

Usopp: ... I'm starting to feel a little sorry for you.

...

Usopp: WHY. why did you give Luffy a KNIFE?!

Zoro, shrugging: He said he felt unsafe.

Usopp: Now I feel unsafe!

Zoro: ... would you like a knife?

...

Dragon: What did you do with the target's body?

Sabo : What didn’t I do with the body?

Dragon:

Sabo: Okay, that sounded more sexual than I intended. I disposed of the corpse respectfully.

...

Luffy, texting Ace: Ace! Help I’m being kidnapped

Ace: Where are you?

Luffy: I’m with some strange person. In a car. Help.

Ace: I’ll call Gramps.

Garp, answering their cell: Y’ello?

Ace: Where’s Luffy? He texted me that he was being kidnapped.

Garp: Luffy? Whaddya mean, he's right next to me-

Garp, who shaved his head:

Garp: I’ll call you back. *hangs up*

Garp: THE NEW HAIRCUT ISN’T THAT BAD!

Luffy: WHO ARE YOU?!

...

*Ace, Sabo and Luffy sitting in jail together*

Sabo: So who should we call?

Ace: I’d call Gramps, but I feel safer in jail

...

Roger: Garp, my old arch enemy.

Garp: ... I thought I was your only arch enemy?

Roger: I have a life outside of you, Garp

...

Zoro: Sometimes I drink milk straight out of the container.

Luffy: The cow???

Zoro: What?

Sanji: *disgusted shudder* LUFFY, W H Y?

...

Usopp: Would you stab your best friend in the leg for 10 billion berry?

Zoro: Nami can stab me, and then when my leg gets better, we buy a big-ass house and erase my debt

Luffy: You can stab me too, then we'll have 20 billion.

Zoro: Good thinking.

...

Kin'emon: Come on, I wasn’t that drunk last night.

Denjiro: You were flirting with O'Tsuru.

Kin'emon: So what? She's my wife.

Denjiro: You asked her if she were single.

Kin'emon:

Denjiro: And then you cried when she said she wasn't

...

Marco: What time is it?

Ace: I don’t know; pass me that saxophone and we’ll find out

Ace: *Plays sax loudly and extremely out of tune*

Izou: WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE SAXOPHONE AT TWO IN THE MORNING

Ace, proudly: It’s 2 am

...

Luffy: I can’t believe you live nearby, and you won’t let anyone crash at your place.

Law: You people already know too much about me.

Kidd: I know exactly three facts about you, and one of them is that you won’t let any of us crash at your place.

...

Sabo, an enabler: Tell Ace about the birds and the bees.

Luffy: They're disappearing at an alarming rate.

...

Brook: Schrödinger’s cat is overrated. If you wanna see something that’s both dead and alive you can talk to me any time of the day.

...

Zoro: With great power comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later.

...

Law: When someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, having a look around the room and saying 'Haven’t decided yet' is typically a good response.

Bepo: Captain, no.

...

Law: Nothing in life is free.

Chopper: Love is free!

Luffy: Adventure is free!

Robin: Knowledge is free.

Nami: Everything is free if you take it without paying.

...

Usopp: We’ve been conducting an ongoing study to see what Luffy will and will not eat.

Franky: Grass? Yes!

Usopp: Moss? Yes!!

Franky: Leaves? Ohh, yes!

Usopp: Shoelaces? Strange but true!

Franky: Worms? Sometimes!

Usopp: Rocks? Usually nah.

Franky: Twigs? Usually!

Usopp: Zoro's cooking? Inconclusive!

Chopper: How did you… test this?

Usopp: You just hand him stuff and say ‘eat this’ and if he eats it, he eats it.

Chopper: ... I don’t know how to feel about this.

Nami: IS THAT WHERE ALL MY SHOELACES WENT?

Robin: What about humans? He tried to eat Crocodile once

Everyone: ...

Usopp: I think I might be too afraid to ask

(Someone pls draw this one XD)

...

Betty: In your opinion, what’s the height of stupidity?

Koala: *turning to Sabo* How tall are you?

...

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

That's it, this took forever to write lol

[mad-hatter-memes]

BDylanHollis Starters

A collection of dialogue prompts from the videos of BDylanHollis. Feel free to edit quotes if needed.

TW: Suggestive references and drug references,

"This recipe is making me cry, not the onions..."

"Are we sure this recipe wasn't written by a cat?"

"Buy me dinner first."

"It's ten PM and I'm boiling prunes in my kitchen..."

"You know, it's not bad...It just vaguely tastes like a felony."

"Tastes like a boot! Like a size ten boot!"

"I didn't know tuberculosis had a color scheme."

"I think I summoned something..."

"Are you still here?...Dammit!"

"You could just use canned pineapple...if you're a communist."

"It doesn't tell you how to eat it...So I don't know if I need a knife and fork or if I need to tie my hair back."

"Do I call the police or a priest?"

"Can we at least have coffee first?"

"I bet this recipe is just all the wrong answers on a baking test."

"Well I don't have sorghum, cause I don't have a life expectancy of twelve!"

"Sweetie, none of this is my liking."

"Are you just making things up? Who are you?!"

"You know I've never been particularly religious, but today might be the day..."

"This ain't food, honey. This is a bioweapon!"

"I am in utter fear..."

"Hello, you are very green sir."

"Did you just kill my blender?"

"This is personal now, you swung first!"

"Welcome to the world; it's awful!"

"Were you really worried that I was gonna mix a fully constructed pie shell into this?!"

"I'm a fool, not a idiot!"

"Thought this was a joke, turns out I'M the joke...'

"Or what? I'm gonna ruin your disaster?"

"This is from 1938, it's only electrocuted me twice!"

"If I cut off my feet do we still have to do this?"

"Celery's just like your parents; dirtier than you think!"

"What have you perfected?! Garbage?!"

"Now in my personal experience, depression and ice cream are a match made in heaven."

"If there's one thing I've learned, it's that Jell-O is inevitable!"

"Sweetie, this needs a lot of things but water isn't one of them..."

"It doesn't need salt, it needs help!"

"Normally I'm quite comfortable handling meat, but this is physically disturbing me..."

"This is giving me emotions previously unknown to man..."

"Are you supposed to eat this on crackers or on drugs?"

"What are you trying to do, live longer?"

"What do you take me for? Grown?"

"He looks like if you get a tattoo, you'll be written out of the will."

"Precisely what realm of mathematics do you inhabit?"

"Did you just throw a grenade down aisle 6?!"

"I'm not concerned about your precious Grind-o-Mat!"

"The only thing this is going to rise up from is the dead."

"You know they invented a tool for that, it's called a whisk."

"Bacon is always a good idea!"

"What exactly are we trying to raise up, hope?"

"What is it with dead people and their obsession with this?!"

"Yes I know it's hot you git, it's an oven!"

"No I have never had these, you must remember I'm not an American."

"I am a [Nationality] and we grew up with things like party rings and custard creams."

"Is the pudding related or did you just want a snack?"

"Were you subject to a fall from a great height?"

"I'm serious, don't disrespect the Irish. They can be mean..."

"Don't worry, my hands are the only touch I know."

"This is sacrilegious! Preposterous! Daft!"

"Yeah it's alright, but it's all wrong!"

"I'm not sure if you know, but beef is a COW. You know, the mooing?!"

"Smells like a Palm Springs retirement home..."

"It could be because I like illicit substances, or like psychiatric disturbances, being held at gunpoint, these types of things..."

"Ow! Ow! It's got ranged attacks!"

"What you've never put cereal in a blender before?"

"I don't like boxes, people get buried in them..."

"If it looks like oil, it must be good!"

"Thank you, I'd hate to have an uneven disaster. That would be terrible..."

"It's hot! I'm sunburnt! There's bugs!"

"I'm feeling like a rotisserie chicken out here!"

"Are you supposed to eat this for Christmas or for punishment?"

"It's so good, it's in danger of becoming my dinner!"

"Who's fingers they are we'll never know...They might even be Charlotte's!"

"Where do bugs go in the winter? And why are birds?"

"But [Name}, what if I'm allergic to peanuts?"

"You and your ancestors have obviously done something to deserve such a malady."

"It looks like I microwaved a squirrel...again."

"What part of Italy are you from? Kentucky?!"

[nekropsii]

Atomic Ask Bomb... 2!!

Hello, all! We are back in the mines immediately, because you all love me and my inbox so much. I still have 200+ more asks to sort through after this and that is not hyperbole!! Oops!!

Content Warning: Long, and Cronus is There.

You can be both. I am both. I think Terezi's easily in the Top 3 of Best Written Homestuck Characters, no competition. AND she compels me.

Mituna Fans and Terezi Fans flocking together like how Gays and Lesbians are supposed to.

------

He doesn't have a Recuperacoon. He doesn't NEED a Recuperacoon. Who needs a Recuperacoon when you have a bathtub? You pile a bunch of slime in there, and then you can pop the drain open in the morning and take a shower right there where you just got up. It's convenient. And not at all sad. It's not sad guys.

Let's pretend for a moment that either Vantas would have regular bathing habits for the sake of this joke.

------

Even if that's the case, it really doesn't change anything. Insecurity doesn't justify literal actual sexual harassment and sexual assault. What?

People will do anything to excuse random shitty men for being shitty. Sympathy is the favorite weapon in Fandom Misogyny's arsenal. So often will fans pull some random bullshit out of their ass just to say that it's fine that a male character is abusive, especially if it's to women, because "He's Sad", so he should never face criticism or punishment for his actions.

We should all start putting people in blenders. We've let these arguments go on long enough. People are far too bold in their abuse apologia. We need to kill them.

------

Yeah. Like, he interests me a lot, he's one of the characters I take the most interest in out of all of the Alpha Trolls. I literally write sov!Cronus. I hate his guts, though. It really is just that easy to be a fan of a character and also fucking hate them. Not once have I ever made an excuse for him. The goal Hussie set out for when writing him was making him inexcusable and irredeemable, down to Cronus literally knowing what he's doing is bad and hurts people, and simply just not caring.

Cronus is genuinely fucking evil. That's the whole point. If you make him misunderstood, if you make him mean well, if you make him lack self awareness, if you make him sympathetic, if you give him any redeeming qualities at all... You are missing the point completely. If you want a sympathetic asshole character, you want Vriska. The point of Cronus is that he's The Worst Character In Homestuck, and that he has zero redeeming qualities and trying to fix him or redeem him is a Hopeless venture. He is beyond saving. Don't you dare even think about trying - to try to make him palatable is to erase Violent Bigotry, Incest, and Child Sexual Abuse. Just don't. Enjoy him as he is, do NOT defang him.

------

He truly is the worst! I think we should explode all depictions of fanon!Cronus. Forever.

------

Yeah, there's a huge reason why I do not say I'm a fan of Cronus or call him a favorite character of mine or anything. It projects a certain... Image. The wrong one. There's just such a strong precedent for anyone saying they're a Cronus Fan or calling him their Favorite Character being a person who just completely fucking ignores everything about him, or even pardons it, saying it's fine, actually, because He's Sad, or that it's Not That Bad, actually. I can't stand it.

I'm aware there are Cronus Fans who are totally normal, but I cannot help but immediately be wary of them, or flinch for a moment even when they offer the reassurance that they know better. It's a natural response, having been here for around a decade and having been a Mituna Fan the whole time.

Liking characters who are terrible people is fine. Based, even, in some cases. But... It's truly difficult with Cronus, because so much of that fanbase relies on excusing/minimizing/condoning abuse and bigotry. I don't have any qualms with people liking characters that suck, but when a fanbase for a character is so heavily focused on pretending that character isn't a horrible, terrible, awful person who abuses people - even children, even people they're related to, even children that they're related to - for nothing but their own sexual gain... I start having issues. That sets a pretty dangerous precedent, to me.

------

It's crazy to me how so much of the apologism is because he's hot. Because he literally isn't. You all have terrible taste.

Let's all appreciate for a moment just how fucking ugly he is. The fan art is lying so bad. He needs a haircut. His shirt doesn't fit him, and honestly looks like women's clothes - you know those women's shirts that have the sleeves that stop halfway down the damn shoulder? He looks like a 16 year old. He's so skinny, and his shoulders are so... rounded and small - which are fine traits to have, but literally every piece of fanart portrays him as broad-shouldered and ripped when the literal opposite is true. You just know he has too much product in his hair. His actual sprite is even worse.

The way his fly doesn't even go all the way up. The way his hair clips into his face. The way he's slightly yellow for literally no reason. The shitty belt. This fucking sucks. He's so ugly. He isn't even hot.

------

------

Mituna having Memory Loss as a result of his TBI is literally a myth invented by Cronus to emotionally manipulate Mituna and perpetuated by Cronus Fans. I think if they were friends in the past, Cronus's actions would be worse, actually.

Could you imagine getting sad that your friend doesn't remember you because of a Traumatic Brain Injury, and your response to this sadness is to abuse and sexually assault them on the regular? What, is that Just Bro Things now? Cronus literally says he targets Mituna because he thinks he can get away with it due to his struggles with communication. The thing about them being buddies in the past was one of his trademark Lies. Because he is known to do that, specifically to manipulate people. Because he is known to manipulate people. Emotionally. Because he is abusive. And terrible. And not redeemable. This isn't rocket science! It isn't rocket science to say that pushing the fault of Mituna's abuse onto Mituna is Victim-Blaming!

------

Positively fucking ridiculous that so many people did not recognize their romance within the comic. If they were boys, there'd be no god damn question about it. It'd be up there in everyone's OTP list alongside DaveKat.

I think they're adorable. They're one of my favorite pairings.

------

It's great in the source comic, especially during earlier phases of its existence, but the quality deprecates drastically the further you get from that point. I hate it in Fanon and in Dub/Post-Canon.

It's a great off-screen pairing for a lot of lore reasons - namely it being great to let Dave slowly allow himself to love and be loved in private, with no fear of eyes on him. He's never really been able to have privacy before, with all the cameras and eyes on him all the time, and he's never been able to really let his guard down and be vulnerable. He's never been able to love and be loved, safely. I ultimately think they should've kept their relationship mostly private, even after Dave's recovered quite a bit, because sometimes having something just for yourself without that need to perform it is healing in itself. Mental health maintenance.

In Fanon, it seems like pretty standard yaoi, though. Boring. Tired. Literally everywhere. Voyeuristic as always.

------

Thank you! My Inbox generally really isn't that bad at all, honestly! Most people are pretty cordial! Anon Hate for me is pretty rare. Thankfully, the Delete Ask button exists, so I don't have to worry about those Anons for very long, lol.

------

I hate to say this, but back in my day, plenty of people actually did do that. In fact, people only knowing Homestuck through fan material and then still calling themselves a fan is a big reason why old Homestuck fanon was so bad and so far off the mark!

I have a name for those kinds of fans, because it was such a frequent occurrence it begged for a title. I call them Secondaries. Like "Secondary Source"!

------

World's most based triad, I think. Should be real. It's real to me.

7H15 15 MY 91RLFR13NF, L47UL4. 4DN 7H51 15 7UL45 9R1LFR13ND, P0RR1M.

------

I think everyone should start watching actual horror movies. I think these people should watch Re-Animator and Bride of Re-Animator. I think this would fix the fandom, because a lot of people are just posting about horror movies without realizing they're posting about horror movies. Go watch a horror movie. They even have more and, frankly, more interesting gay representation than... Whatever Dirk and Jake have going on. Sorry.

If you're a gay man, get some hair on your chest and watch a bunch of horror movies. There's more in this life than anime twinks and skinny white pixel men. There's BlackRom Old Man Pet Play (The Lighthouse, 2019), there's Tormented Huge Dirty Bear (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning, 2006), there's The Bisexual Psychological Torture + Betrayal Chamber (Saw, 2004), there's Dysfunctional Gay Marriage Disputes (Re-Animator, 1985, Bride of Re-Animator, 1990). And way more other ones than I can really list. Expand your horizons.

------

Not much. It's a bit mysterious. Here's what Aranea had to say about Mituna in general, which gives us most of the crumbs we have:

The Heir of Doom was once a powerful psionic. He had much to say when it came to warning us a8out the path of doom and destruction we were all headed for, 8ut no one took him very seriously. 8ut one day he lost all those abilities when he 8adly overexerted himself. It's hard to get any specifics from him, 8ut indications are that he applied every last 8it of energy he had toward some great act of heroism, saving us all from some looming threat. Not only did his exertion permanently 8urn out his psychic a8ilities, 8ut it left him somewhat... er. Incoherent. The entire incident is shrouded in mystery. From his limited and scattered accounts of what happened, it seems very likely that Kurloz was with him at the time, as the only eye witness. And of course it's impossi8le to get any relia8le information out of him. I guess we may never know, sadly.

This does say quite a lot, but not really anything specific. We've got some stuff about how he's the session's Cassandra, the fact that the GAoH was NOT an accident (this is the misconception that pisses me off the most, I think - I hate when people call it an accident), the fact that he was protecting everyone from something... The fact that he DOES remember it, the fact that Kurloz was there, as the only eye witness, and refuses to talk about it.

It leaves plenty of room for speculation. A little too much room for me, honestly, but that's fine, I'm not really pressed about it.

------

[starberry-cupcake]

I have made the most 2008 goth forum-like banner I could create to put my liveblogging posts of tlt under because those are the vibes I find appropriate and it gives me nostalgia. If this was 2008 blogspot, you'd be hearing something like HIM's Wings of a Butterfly, or something like that, please picture that.

previously, in gideon the ninth:

this happened

were we are now:

I forced myself to stop reading for the day so I could update a sensible amount and not a thesis length post nobody will read

it wasn't easy to force myself to stop reading

you know how it is

so, turns out that protozoa was dead all along (ish)

people here die and live and kinda live-die and die-live, you know

dulcinea del toboso soraya montenegro septimus was hiding that fact

she has also not mentioned exactly how he died (she said an accident??? harrow said he was stabbed?? what, he fell on a sword heart first????)

I am still not done with her

I still don't trust her

she's gonna die and I'm gonna still think she's scheming

ANYWAY

gideon DID suspect harrow

she had a bit of a crisis over it in front of palmolive's salad

palmolive reacts by taking off and putting on his glasses 25 times

and harrow had my exact thought process of "she's gonna go to dulcinea instead of me if she finds out"

I am very unnerved at how much my thought process and harrow's have aligned so far

very concerned for my mental state

ANYWAY (vol. 2)

palmolive says what I said, that it's not harrowcita's style to kill so sloppily

gideon tells palmolive her past trauma and how all the kids in the ninth except her and harrowbeth died and how she blames herself because harrow kinda had the childhood of asuka langley soryuu in evangelion but worse

palmolive does this

camilla, the moon to my stars, the woman of the year, my qp wife, brings in harrow with a handcuff

so, let me set the scene

there's a guy's head in a box, gideon has told palmolive her life story, and in comes camilla with harrow on a kid harness like she's a scary parent at disneyland

this is a sitcom

anyway, they all go to dulcinea's lair and have a talk with the group

I still kinda stan yandere twin ianthe (sp??), I'm not gonna lie you folks

she's ooky kooky spooky in a fun way

like, deranged (affectionate)

so, as usual, nobody agrees on anything and everyone fights and dulcinea coughs up a hairball

now, harrow and gideon go to the pool

which is salty now, much like gideon

my first thought was "gideon can't swim, she's gonna drown like sonic!!"

but they could stand in the pool apparently so it's fine

I mean, physically it's fine, EMOTIONALLY not so much

it's time to come clean, share trauma and also maybe flirt in the pool, if that's what's going on here

I think it's what's going on

it's hard to tell with them, but there's tension, proximity and hugs and stuff

basically, if I understand correctly, the ninth put all the kids in an infomercial blender and harrowbean was powered into life

but gideon is baby hercules and survived

which explains why she was turned into a blood sprinkler and the next day she was doing push ups like a maniac

I mean, it explains why she could physically do that, not why she thought that's the safe thing to do

so the ninth was like ?????? and feared gideon

and proceded to treat her like konoha treated naruto uzumaki

no adult person in the ninth was making sound decisions, it's what I'm getting at

case in point: ortus and his mom were blown to bits

also, very important

if I understood right, there's a frozen girl in the ninth's fridge tomb

a frozen girl like dr victor fries's wife nora in batman, or hyoga's mom in saint seiya, or han solo

ice cube frozen girl with a sword and chains and the vibe of this specific barbie doll from the haunted beauty collection

it's like if snow white was the apocalypse

you're gonna hate all my references by the end of this

I'm so sorry

there's a threat in a girl, in the ice, in the tomb, in the ninth house, that's the gist of it

and harrow has existential trauma because pretty much every person below the age of 18 died for her to live, so she wants to make it count

and gideon is hercules who comes from elsewhere and has the genes of a demigod or a kryptonian

but all of that doesn't matter, what matters is that harrow says the most metal phrase ever and goes: "I am a war crime"

?????? HELLO?????

and here's the thing (I have told you this @lady-harrowhark ), this is the book @ me every time I discover some truth and I look at my ebook's progress bar

if you're not completely annoyed, I'll be back tomorrow with more reactions to reveals

[ohbo-ohno]

reader somehow manages to escape the cabin in the woods where serial killer ghoap is keeping them, and stumbles across two park rangers on patrol. ranger price is so, so kind, wrapping you up in a blanket and giving you water and assuring you that everything will be fine, it'll be ok. ranger garrick listens to your sobbing, almost incoherent story of what happened to you with sympathetic eyes. they load you into the back of their jeep, garrick sitting in the back with you gently holding your hands in his to soothe you and calm you down. the gentle touch gets hard and solid when you realize they've brought you right back to soap and ghost's cabin.

FUCK yeah dude. Hell yeah. This is the only idea ever actually. I want to crush it up into a blender and drink it for breakfast everyday. This fucks so hard

They’re so nice :( And Price has that paternal thing going on - you showed up naked and he took the shirt right off his back for you to wear, he just immediately makes you feel so comfortable. And Gaz is such a good empathizer, he makes you feel like he’s really feeling your horror, and he’s so familiar in a way you can’t really describe, it feels natural to relax with him

And dear fucking God the BETRAYAL!!!! You’d see the cabin and just start screaming, looking at them through the mirror with wide eyes. Gaz would maybe laugh a little, maybe coo to you and reassure you it’ll all be ok. Price is rolling his eyes, telling you not to be so dramatic, they’re just taking you back where you belong. And the worst part is you fight to stay with them when they drop you off - you cling to the interior of the car, then to Gaz, then to Price, desperate for anything but Ghost and Soap.

Maybe a few weeks later Gaz and Price come over for dinner. And you’re not nearly broken enough to have no spirit, so you spend the entire evening just fucking glaring at them like they killed your dog, refuse to talk to them, refuse to do anything but stew in your anger.

Gaz is a little condescending, a little pouty maybe. Does that C’mon, you still angry? We took you home, you don’t like us for that? Were we supposed to just leave a stray on the side of the road? And you fucking hate his tone, it takes everything in you to bite your tongue and not just shout in his face.

But Price is a lot condescending. He rubs a hand over your hair, smirks down at you with a mean little glint in his eyes. Says Don’t like your men, girl? You mad at us for putting you back where you belong? What, did they punish you real rough? Don’t take that shit out on me. Chin up, with a little chuck to your chin that has your growling like an animal You’re better off here than anywhere else. Your men take nice care of you, could at the very least treat their guests with some respect.

Johnny and Simon don’t push you to be nice. You sit in Simon’s lap for the meal and the most he does is smirk a little when you get particularly grouchy, but he doesn’t make you talk to them. He does make you kneel between his knees in the living room when Gaz and Price linger to chat. Runs a hand through your hair until you very unwillingly fall asleep with your face on his knee.

[ladyluscinia]

I'm already so sick of how the fallout of ofmd season 2 has snowballed into people on here going "fandom these days just can't handle Bad Things happening in media-- newsflash, characters have to get hurt and die, grow up!" all condescending like. First of all, in the context of Izzy, most people I've seen discuss his death agree that they would've accepted and enjoyed his death if it had just been handled appropriately, and also. "You just can't handle bad things happening to your fave!" Bruh. We were all partying it up when Izzy lost his fucking leg and was suffering physically and mentally. It can be FUN to see your blorbo suffer!

And that is just one example of a larger trend on this site-- people are really gonna come onto the "we love putting our blorbos in the blender and watching them struggle and suffer" site and say "kids these days can't handle Bad Things happening to their blorbos." Sorry, but that's just nonsense. Fandom loves their fix-its, but they also love shattering their faves. The problem has never been Bad Things happening in general, but HOW those things are framed within the narrative and how that narrative is told. The problem is when something is out of place in its genre, or when it goes against a promise the show has made, or when suffering is used flippantly and uncaringly, or when a character suffers and suffers and then just when they've finally caught a break, they're kicked down again, just for a cheap tug at your heartstrings.

Both within the context of ofmd AND in a wider fandom context, fandoms LOVE when our blorbos are hurt, as long as our blorbos are hurt RIGHT.

... And I think it sure is Something that a fandom can have a rampant issue with fans of a character being harassed and sent death threats and that's just "normal fandom being fandom" but god forbid people feel Emotions. About a Character and a Show. And dare to react by... just Offering Criticism! No, death threats are "fandom culture that comes with the territory," but if you vent post or criticize a writing decision in media, THAT'S being "hysterical" and "overly emotional" and "truly frightening behavior!" I just LOVE (big sarcasm) how back when people were getting doxxed and threatened for liking a guy, the fandom was all *cricket noises,* but NOW suddenly everyone is "terrified and exhausted by fandom's volatility" and "concerned about the fragile mental health of fans" when you simply say "damn that episode sucked and I sure am sad about it."

The OFMD fandom was toxic as fuck for a year and a half and continued to be toxic as fuck for all the airing of S2, so hardly surprising that the aftermath of S2 appears to be... toxic as fuck.

Least surprising thing in the world is that the people who hated Izzy and passively or actively supported driving his fans out of the fandom for "ruining it for everyone else" now think his fans should leave the fandom if they are so upset and stop leveraging "baseless criticism" at the show that is "ruining it for everyone else." They have normal not-at-all-parasocial relationships leading them to directly @ David Jenkins and thank him for a season that somehow managed to be both flawless and have all its flaws blamed on MAX, but those wretched Izzy stans have horrible-evil-parasocial relationships making them harass the crew by *footage not found*

If Mr. Jenkins decides to go scroll the #ofmd s2 tag on tumblr and stumbles across me - a random blog and icon - outlining how I think he fucked his show up, that's pretty clearly on him? This is tumblr. I have no relationship with this man or obligation to tailor every word I say as if he's bound to see it and going to take it personally???

I'm actually a big proponent of "Don't @ the cast and crew about pretty much anything" because the same fandom mentality that makes you think you can randomly ask him about your headcanon like you're chatting is what all these people are melting down about if someone directly goes "hey you killed my favorite character and that makes me mad!" - same fucking people, same fucking parasocial relationship. The standard of "only @ them for good things" is the flimsiest fucking line, as any ao3 writer who has received unsolicited "constructive criticism" or "advice" can tell you.

If we want to snidely get into "what this is really about" well it's the same fucking thing it was before:

People substituting subjective opinion as objective fact with zero self-awareness of doing so. "I liked this so it's good." "I didn't like this so it's bad." "I got bad vibes from that character so he was clearly written to be horrendous and unlikable." "I sympathized with this character so anyone suggesting he has flaws is demonizing him."

Or the deepest circle of fandom hell: "I think [insert identity] rep is so important and this piece of media fits into however I personally define 'good rep', therefore it is flawless and/or morally significant enough to be above criticism."

...which, yeah, leads to temper tantrum levels of fandom infighting, especially since people online express, fairly frequently, "I didn't like it because it was bad" and then present evidence for their point. And also a lot of fandom likes bad TV. Or even just mediocre TV that's entertaining.

I personally was not going to be happy about any person beyond one-offs, blatant villains, and background randoms dying because "they had to" (for their own arc or someone else's) because I fundamentally think if you believe you've written yourself into that corner in a workplace comedy that's built around a main romance arc... you're kinda stupid. Yes, even if it's pirate themed. Enough injuries have been walked off and lampshaded to confirm that part is aesthetic.

The fandom wiki for The Office lists 11 deceased characters. Three of them are fictional characters who die in an action-movie episode. Two are one-offs that get named dropped seasons later as having died offscreen. One of them is an offscreen cat, who appears to have had a more significant death plotwise and emotionally than any of the humans, and another is a woman who literally exists as a picture someone makes up a personality for and then discovers the real woman died. The most significant character on the list is a temp boss that got a four episode story arc about being a useless idiot who died in the hospital after a basketball dunking accident.

That is a show that ran for 9 seasons and over 200 episodes. It's pretty universally regarded as good, and the cringe asshole boss getting genuinely moving emotional beats is a big part of that. I think we can maybe pretty confidently say that reflecting the random realities of death is not essential to every story.

If OFMD wants to be evaluated as a hard-hitting drama or a queer story about the struggle of piracy against the Evil Empire, I will compare it to Black Sails instead of The Office. I just don't think David Jenkins is going to enjoy that comparison.

I'm not going to lower my standards because [insert rep reason the show must absolutely be a wild success here].

[queen-of-deans-booty]

The Bad Seed: Part Two

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2.1k

Warnings: canon angst and violence, extra angst, feeling broken and utterly helpless to the point of depression, wanting to die

Summary: You're on the hunt for Rowena for her to fix whatever she did to Castiel. The kids are back home where they belong, but you're not sure if you're fully home yet. If you're going to start to fully heal, you're going to need outside help.

Season Eleven Masterlist

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. I love seeing any and all comments <3

x

"Come on, Crowley, pick up," Dean growls. He calls him again and shakes his head. "I've left him a dozen messages. Why isn't he answering the phone?"

"Because he's a dick, and that's not breaking news."

"He's gotta have Rowena in his sights, right? I mean, she did try to take him out."

"He's not gonna deliver Rowena to us just so she can lift the spell. He'd rather let it do whatever it's gonna do to me," Castiel sighs.

Again, another pang of guilt hits your chest.

"He's gotta be up to something."

"Again, that's not breaking news. Metatron is also off the grid. He stole your car in Blaine, Missouri, right?" Sam asks.

"Yeah."

"There haven't been reports of any accidents, incidents, violations, or anything remotely interesting involving a shitty '78 Continental Mark V."

"You think it's shitty?" Castiel sighs. Sam and Dean shrug and Castiel looks away. "He's been a shut-in for centuries. You wouldn't think he would be a good driver."

"You know what? I'll look for unusual occurrences at places he might hang out. Know of anywhere that might be?"

"I mean, he loves waffles. You could try places that have those."

"Okay, so, every restaurant in the entire country." Castiel groans and falls off the chair onto the ground. "Cas?"

The angel grunts out in pain like an animal but you stay seated where you are. There is no way you can go over to Castiel knowing you can't help him. You want to help him but you don't know how. The other you... dark you... knew how to do it. You're afraid of using magic like hers because you might turn into her again and there is no way in Hell you'll ever do that again.

"Cas? Hey. Are you okay?" Sam asks and helps him back into the chair.

"Relative to what?"

"Do you know where you are? What's the date?"

"Earth. Several billion years from the beginning. It's like I was inside a blender that was set to purée for a tomato salsa."

"Let me guess, you're the tomato?"

"In this analogy, yes."

Castiel takes several deep breaths and leans back in his chair.

"Cas, what was that? You scared the shit out of us," Sam sighs.

"I blacked out for a lot of it, but I don't know. It overwhelmed me. I couldn't control it."

"Damn. We gotta find that witch."

You can't help but let a single tear fall because of how much you're hurting. You hate that you can't help your friend.

"What can I do to help?" Castiel asks.

"No, you just sit there and take a breather. You know, try and put yourself back together."

"Okay. I'll do my best. It's difficult with these voices."

"Now there are voices?"

"Are these voices telling you to hurt someone?" Dean asks.

"No, I'm hearing angel radio. It's a lot of chatter. They've been looking for me ever since I escaped, as well as scouring the Earth for the perp. It's slang for 'perpetrator'." Sam and Dean chuckle at his joke but you stay silent. "They're doubling the effort to find Metatron so if we need to get hold of him, better do it soon."

"Yeah, before the God Squad does. Alright, well, first things first. We gotta fix you."

Sam takes out his phone when it pings a notification, and he immediately scrolls through the police chatter he set up.

"Check this out. There might be something here. In Denver, three women were at Café Elta when their waiter, for no apparent reason, stabbed and killed one of them. One survived and the third vanished after furniture seemed to slide around by itself. Who do you think that could be?"

"Let's go."

Three dots appear next to Molly's name which means she is responding to your private message. They disappear only to return seconds later.

Molly: Yes! I am free tomorrow if you'd like to meet.

You: Great. I appreciate it. I'll be home all day tomorrow so just let me know when you're on your way.

You give her the address to the Bunker along with your phone number before logging out of the chat. You look at Castiel whose eyes seem to be getting darker in color. He's more agitated and you don't trust the kids to stay here with him.

"We're bringing the kids." You get up and approach Castiel. "If you hurt my dogs, I will hurt you."

"I won't," he promises.

After getting the kids ready, you all take the nearly six-hour drive to Denver. Noah is happy to come along but you don't tell them that you didn't want them staying with Castiel when he's in that state. The only survivor of the terrible incident is sitting in the interrogation room when you get to the police station, and Sam and Dean take the lead while you stay back with your kids. You keep them in the room with Sam and Dean but keep them in the corner so they don't interfere. Noah is watching with wide eyes, eager to know the ins and outs of interrogating someone.

"So, ladies lunch goes south when a waiter who reeks of sulfur attacks with a blade, killing one of you, while the redhead who invited you yells something in Latin, disappears, and the furniture forms a pile. That about right?" Dean explains.

"Yup."

"Any idea why a demon would wanna attack three witches?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," she stutters.

"Right. The waiter was possessed by a demon assassin who was gunning for Rowena since she tried to kill her son Crowley, who just so happens to be the King of Hell."

"Why do I think you're not FBI like the police said?"

"Okay, let's cut to it. The cops say that you're so scared that you don't wanna leave here. Well, you should be because Crowley is not only going after Rowena, he's going after every witch that she hangs with."

"I'm not a witch," she shakes her head.

"Sure you are. Your pal, Rowena, is recruiting a new coven, right?"

She gets up to leave but Sam and Dean are quicker than she is. She clutches her bag which Dean yanks from her and tosses it to Sam. She immediately sits back down just as Sam dumps the contents of her purse onto the table.

"You can't do this. I have rights!"

"I have a fake badge," Dean rolls his eyes.

"Look at this. Chicken bones. Hex bags. A pentagram. Still sticking with not a witch, huh?" Sam chuckles.

The witch starts to chant something and Dean walks over to her and grips her throat not tight enough to hurt her but enough to cut off her chanting.

"Listen, before you finish what you're about to say, know that we are the only thing between you and Crowley's ninjas."

"I didn't try to hurt him," she gasps. He lets go of her and she rubs her throat. "I'm nobody. I'm worse than nobody. I'm nobody's third cousin who doesn't even get invited to dinner."

"We don't care. We just need to know where Rowena is."

"I have no idea."

"You do know how to scry, though, right?"

"Scry? What is that?" she asks.

"Exactly what you know it is. A locating spell. You witches use crystals, prisms, and mirrors to divine images of who you're trying to find. We're trying to get our hands on Rowena. Think about it. With her out of the picture, Crowley has no reason to go after you."

"I don't have my crystals," she sighs.

Dean grabs a small cosmetic mirror from her purse and hands it to her.

"This ought to work, yeah?" She takes it and confirms his accusations. "I'll get the light."

Dean turns the light off and she uses the mirror for her spell. The mirror is enough to give her what she's looking for.

"I see her," the witch says. "She's packing a bag."

"Where?" Sam asks.

"The Sunlit Motel. The one down the street. Room 115."

Now that you know where Rowena is, you don't waste time in getting to her. Sam offered to stay in the car with the kids so you and Dean could grab her. Dean paid a taxi driver to allow him to use his car for ten minutes which allowed him to go on a smoke break. He disguises himself in a straw hat, a Hawaiian shirt, and sunglasses so that Rowena doesn't recognize him immediately. She steps out of her room wearing a blonde wig and grabs her only two bags before rushing to the taxi.

"Airport. Be careful with the bags. They're antiquities." She opens the back door of the taxi and looks at Dean. She immediately recognizes him and flings him back with her magic. "Abi!" He goes flying into the wall behind him with a grunt of pain. "This is just my way of giving you the finger, Mr. Winchester. I don't suppose you're here to thank me for removing the Mark of Cain, which, by the way, you're welcome! Let's just take things up a notch. What do you say?"

Before she has a chance to do any more magic on him, you come up behind her and slap iron handcuffs to her wrist. She gasps and you grab the back of her throat in warning.

"I don't think you want to do that," you whisper in her ear. "I might not be the Scarlet Witch anymore but piss me off and I might tap into that magic again. Do not test me."

"I think you'd know by now, Y/N, that these things don't hold me long," she growls.

"It just needs to hold you long enough. Come on."

You yank her by her neck and force her to come with you.

"Well, they do say blondes have more fun."

You bring Rowena back to the Bunker in a separate car since there is no way you'd have her in the same car as your kids. Castiel seems glued to Sam's computer when you get in, and he doesn't even notice when you drag Rowena down to the basement.

"Why don't you go play in your rooms, okay? I'll be right there."

The kids run off to their rooms with both dogs following them. Good boys. Go protect them. Better than I can. You follow the brothers down to the dungeon where Dean is strapping a red-haired Rowena to the chair and Sam is going through her bags.

"Mind the undergarments, Samuel. Imported, of course."

"Where is it?"

"Where is what, dear?"

"The book! The Book of the Damned." He grabs a smaller book from one of her bags. "The codex is in here, but the book is not. Where the hell is it?"

"Do you take me for a fool? Like I'd run around with those two spectacularly powerful items anywhere in proximity."

"Now that we've got the codex and Charlie's code-breaking, the book isn't as useful to you as it was."

You look down in shame when Sam mentions Charlie's name. If you concentrate really hard, you can still hear her screams when you forced her to knife herself.

"Or so you hope," she smirks. "That's what I admire in you, Samuel. That plucky optimism. That plucky, stupid optimism."

"Sam, why don't you go grab Cas so Florence Nightingale here can do her stuff?"

Sam leaves you and Dean alone in the dungeon with Rowena, and Dean sits at the table where her bags are. He plops his feet up on the desk, kicking her bag completely off the table. You stand by the doorway just watching her, and she seems particularly interested in you.

"You do recall our deal, eh? First I de-spell the angel, then I go free," she says to Dean without taking her eyes off you.

"Except for one thing."

"There were no exceptions in our arrangement," she glares at Dean.

"The book. I'm gonna need that baby back."

"The book was never mentioned in our negotiations."

"Now it is."

"Our deal says--"

"Our deal says whatever the fuck we want it to say," you growl and step forward. "You're gonna play by our rules."

"Or what? You'll use your magic on me? Come on, I'm not an idiot. You would have blasted me into next week if you could handle using magic again. The Scarlet Witch must have taken a lot out of you. Going down that dark road has got you scared, doesn't it?"

That shut you right up. You can't say anything to that because it's true. You're terrified to use magic again, and it doesn't help that she knows it. Dean looks at you and sees the ghostly look in your eyes.

"We'll call your son. We've got him on speed dial," Dean says.

"Call him. If I'm dead, you've got a big fat pile of nothing. No book ever, and your friend with the bent halo? He goes foaming-at-the-mouth mad and dies. Your turn!" She grins but Dean stares at her with a deadly glare. "Your eyes... so burdened. What happened precisely when I removed the Mark? The book wasn't specific. Yes, I read quite a bit of it. What new hell has Dean Winchester unleashed upon the world?"

"Shut up," you bite out.

"Dean! Y/N!" Sam rushes back into the dungeon with wide eyes. "I can't find Cas. He's not there. He broke free. He's gone."

"Shit," you curse and rub your arms. "We have to find him but I can't bring the kids with us. They're not safe with Rowena and Castiel."

"I'll stay here and watch them. You two go," Sam offers.

"Are you sure?"

"Let me do this for you. Go. It's okay."

"Let's go," Dean says to the witch.

x

Want to be tagged? Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[isaac-blooms]

So I think I need to confess to something. You may see me different from this post but there is more to why I left my YouTube and the internet all together. So, please keep an open mind. I left because I can't deal with something I've worked on for over 5 years on getting barely to no attention, while people who are objectively more entertaining, funnier, and generally cooler then I got popular from the same form of media as I. Sinful Pies comic on Cupcakes is brilliant, and I can't complete with it. Rainbot and WildCard did better videos on Muffins and Cupcakes while Rainbot made a whole ass AU that people still to this day want me to draw and audio book to. I never did because I was so jealous and never talked to Rainbot again. (btw, Rainbot was/is (idk really) a fan of mine too. I've also been seeing a lot of old Grimdarks of MLP get better animation, better re-writes, better stories as of late and I just couldn't compete. So I gave up. In doing so I've made an entirely new fandom for myself and only myself and have no interest in others participating. I deliberately looked for something that holds so much fucked up shit in it, no one but Vlad and I (and very close people we know) get to hear and see about. It's why I'm not posting art. It's why I'm not posting videos. It's why I left. It's why I don't talk to people on Discord or link my new channel in DM's anymore. It's why I've closed myself off entirely. It's why I refuse to call or interact with anyone anymore. You guys just would not get it. I got so upset over one thing that threw my whole Muffins Continuation into a blender and gave up entirely on it. and that was Bubbles, a story Rei didn't even write but had to add into this stupid story. Derpy's dad is Gray... Gray. Okay. So if you guys don't know, Heart Beat is Purple. :) How I missed this one causal detail is beyond me- but it made me so mad when I heard it I completely gave up on any MLP stories I had. I ripped Heart Beat away from Muffins and refuse to put him back in there. Vlad and I now have it set that Derpy with a Human turned pony named Shawn and they kill together and Heart Beat will continue to live and suffer at the claws of Heart Breaker. Fuck Pinkie and her sisters. I don't need Muffins it's a garbage story anyway and I can't stand to look at it or even talk about it without getting irrationally angry. I'm sure there's more here I could unpack, to understand why this got me so upset, but if I had to be honest... This has been building for years. I get why Rei hates talking/bringup up Muffins. I completely get it now. But Muffins isn't my weight to bear anymore and I refuse to acknowledge it, just like with Hazbin Hotel/Hellava Boss... ... I don't think people quiet get that how other's act towards shows like HH and HB are why fans who like these shows grow to just hate being in the space of negative narcs to begin with. You guys make enjoying anything a hassle. Anyway that's all. Bye.