#bleach meta?

[littleeyesofpallas]

Been meaning to go back and take stock of my "score" on the ongoing @bleach-smashorpass, I've grayed out anything where my personal pick didn't match the popular outcome, and left the ones where I fall into the majority vote in color.

Look, I'll be real, I'm not above monsterfuckery, even if I don't consider it ""my thing"" but I'd have voted smash on Ayon if he didn't have his weird secret muppet face. Also Aaroniero was an extremely light smash, i really had to flip flop on that one a few times before making a choice. I'll be honest, I liked original Chapter25 epilogue Aisslinger way more than what we got in the Arrancar Arc, and if I could split the vote I'd smash original and pass on final design for him.

Bambi is just such a boring design, and honestly Batsuunsai isn't much better, but the glasses are cute. She was really close to being a pass.

I was actually surprised that I had to stop and think about Choe but his giant chin and tiny bowl cut were not doing him any favors. Also as much as I like Cyan as a character, there is just something about hime cuts that are an automatic off switch for me. the rest of these felt fairly obvious.

not gonna lie, little hurt by the lack of D-Roy and Dordonii love

Confused that people were so lukewarm on Findor, although it was a close split. Also oddly I could have sworn I passed on Furofushi... I'm not really a fan of pigtails, with very few exceptions, but when I went to check the poll results it said I voted smash. Maybe I was thinking she was feeling Hiyori adjacent enough to count it at the time? I.... I don't remember voting smash on Entetsu...

i feel very scandalized by having voted unpopularly on all these old men... I'll be honest, Gremmy is a very lukewarm smash, and the potential of the Visionary power as a sex thing was very much the deciding factor.

boy bleach fans really don't like moustaches, huh? So funny enough it wasn't until the anime that I realized Hidetomo has his multiple earrings and somehow that changed his whole vibe for me, but prior to that it would have been an easy pass. I absolutely cannot abide characters whose whole thing is being someones dead wife/girlfriend, even if she otherwise looks exactly like Rukia, who'll be a smash for sure once we get to the Rs.

i figured i'd be on the wrong side of the fence with the kurosaki men but it's a real hard no on all the above. I'll be real, I'm kinda surprised Ikkaku was so popular. The rest of these felt obvious. Oh wait no there was like no love for Izumi Ishida. Boo to that.

okay so hear me out... Jugram is too blond. I know that sounds like nonsense, but like, he's too fundementally blond. Like most of Bleach's blond characters could have other generally light hair colors, and it wouldn't super change their image or aesthetic, but Jugram has to be blonde because the alternatives don'teel the same, and that's too much blond for me.

i know i voted pass on ichigo, which might make smash on kaien seem weird, but it's between the personality difference and the eyelashes. People not smashing on Kiyone is a catastrophe

and with that i'm all caught up with the letters where all the polls that have already closed. i'll be back to update these as the rest keep rolling along. I dunno why I really did this apart from the compulsion

[aoflameandco]

BONK

[cywscross]

I love that Shunsui noticed something was off even here. He couldn't break the hypnosis and couldn't tell that this wasn't Aizen, but it couldn't completely fool him either despite probably never having interacted with the real Aizen much, if at all. Which-

1) Don't be so dramatic Aizen, but also 2) I like the idea that Complete Hypnosis isn't really that complete if the target is powerful enough and observant enough for something about that ability to set off alarm bells in their senses. I wonder if the fact that Shunsui had already picked up on it here allowed him to recognize it again more easily during the SS Invasion arc. Although even another hundred years of experience with his Hypnosis didn't prevent Unohana from noticing something wrong too lol.

[my-my-my]

I've rewatched these few episodes this weekend and I'm really enjoying the subtle differences they've made to Aizen's character/personality from the manga.

The biggest one was the distinct lack of smugness that was present in the manga. In the manga, it was almost as if Aizen was taunting Shunsui to undo his seals, but in the anime, he looks exhausted. I also thought in "The Dark Arm" he physically looked tired with a bag under his eye (but again, might be the animation).

It could be argued it's just the lighting and such, but even in "Against the Judgment" Aizen was still cold, but not smug. I think it's a great way/tool to "humanize" Aizen by showing that his 2 years in Muken, have affected him to some degree.

Yet, he still remains cold to the Gotei 13. He's not gloating his power, it's just very "matter-of-fact" for Aizen at this point in time. It makes me curious to what further changes we'll see with his character as TYBW goes on!

[zabiume]

it's 2025 and orihime is still my favorite bleach character ever because of just. everything she is, all of it. from the very first peek we get into her life, we learn that she's so fundamentally unlikeable that even her parents despise her (a literal baby), and this pattern repeats yet again into middle school, where she falls victim to bullying. her own brother turns into a monster and resents her for trying to bounce back from grief. everything she does is wrong. even from a meta standpoint, orihime has never been widely liked, and even when she has, it's sometimes followed by a disclaimer or an 'i like her, BUT-" which is soooo congruent to how she is in canon as well? in a way, perhaps, no other bleach character is? what she is and goes through in-universe is exactly what she is and goes through out in the real world as well. of course, in canon as well as outside of it, there has always been a small group of people who fiercely love her too (in-universe, it's her friends, and outside it's...well. it's us, those of us who love her). but the point is. i've never seen a character who is so meta in her existence, who is always going through things on a double-layer - how other characters respond to her in the story vs how fans respond to her in their discourse. there's no separation from Orihime The Character (as she exists in text) and Orihime The Topic (the discussions we have about her as a character). there is a certain type of bleach fan who is a loly and menoly equivalent in the real world, there is a certain type of bleach fan who is a shishigawara/kon equivalent in the real world, there is a certain type of bleach fan who is an ulquiorra, challenging her worldviews, pushing her into corners to prove herself, and of course, there is a tatsuki or an ichigo, fighting for our lives defending her and it's just. so interesting. it makes orihime more real, more grounded to me than any other bleach character. how characters respond to her in the story is often EXACTLY how people respond to her in real life. plenty of times, we've gotten to see characters' inner thoughts and their POVs, but we haven't gotten much insight into the ways other characters see them, how they're perceived by several other characters, but orihime is. she is so discussed (BOTH by the other bleach characters, AND the fans), and the diversity of these discussions is so present too. her powers, her love life, her flaws, her personality,,,,,all of it is a major part of the storyline, as WELL as the discourse. it's inescapable. SHE is inescapable.

[chaoticreivingu]

I like how instead of berating Orihime for getting it wrong like he does with most people Ichigo just corrects her even if he was surprised by it.

[recurring-polynya]

never change, hinamori

[gulava]

Shunukis when the Ise sword curse only effects people in the Ise family but Shunsui’s brother married into the family and Ukitake dies while Shunsui has the sword in his possession

[cheshiresense]

Your latest time-travel verse made me rewatch Kyoraku vs Starrk battle over Fake Katakura.

I have to say, over the years, I have forgotten how sad that battle is. The way Starrk mourns even Barragan's death and loses his (already small to begin with) desire to fight after it... The only reason the guy followed Aizen was because Aizen gave him... friends😭 A pack. The only reason he fought was to protect that pack. Doesn't matter if that pack consisted of some shady individuals. It was his. The first and only one he got in all his 1000+ years of existence. He had no desire to strike down his enemies - didn't kill Ukitake, proposed Love and Rose to retreat with their lives... In a way, he and Ichigo are very much alike in that sense.

Starrk was too honorable and naive and paid for that.

And Shunsui killed Lilynette😭 It is so heartrending when Starrk calls out to her with no answer...

Shunsui's philosophy, on the contrary, allows him "to be evil" in order to win. Yes, he does not like war, just like Starrk, but IMHO, "as soon as the war starts both sides are at fault" does not mean Shunsui is saying that both sides are wrong in the war and to not fight till you completely disable / kill your opponent. I think, to paraphrase, it means: "As soon as the war start, to win, both sides *will* have to be evil / There are no good people in a war because winning a war requires one to do evil things, so someone who were maybe a good person will have to become evil to win". This philosophy, basically, is "to unbound his hands" (as we say in our language, meaning when something is used to make a person free to act), a workaround that allows him to be ruthless to his opponents, despite his pacifistic nature.

Anyway, emotional rant over. I guess I just wanted to share my pain🥲 I just hope Shunsui killing a part of Starrk's soul and the only family he had will somehow be addressed between them in the future in your fic's universe. I think it's just too huge to leave out. And the only way I can see Starrk never saying anything at all to his Shunsui in TYBW timeline - is because he is THAT much of a sucker for pain and/or THAT much desperate for a genuine connection with somebody.

Starrk is just a really tragic character with a really tragic arc, canonically he was never meant to be saved or have a chance at something better.

I don't know if I'd call him particularly honourable, if only because that doesn't seem like the sort of thing he'd really think about and adhere to as a Hollow who'd spent his whole life in a place like Hueco Mundo, not in the same way a Shinigami would. I think it was more that he just didn't want to kill anyone when he'd already killed so many without ever having a choice in the matter, and now that he did, he didn't want to keep doing that if he didn't absolutely have to. He was definitely a bit naive about it because it was war, and he was up against one of the most powerful and ruthless Shinigami in existence. The moment he decided to hold back, he was destined to lose.

For Shunsui, I agree, he believes that to win a war, people have to get their hands dirty, and you can't do that and still remain "good". I also think he thinks that it's disrespectful to not do everything in his power to win, because even if that means throwing away his honour, to do anything less means risking the lives of those he's fighting that war for.

Which ties into why I personally think Starrk doesn't really blame Shunsui for Lilynette's death. I think Starrk is smart enough and similar enough to Shunsui to understand him. And why blame Shunsui when he can blame himself? He's the one who held back from the start, he didn't fight as hard as he could, he even had the chance to kill Shunsui if he'd just gone down to finish the job after shooting him instead of just backing off after disabling him, or he could've even shot him somewhere more leathal like the back of the head instead of the shoulder/chest, because at their level, which Shinigami or Hollow wouldn't survive a simple injury like that? He would've also been able to sense full well that Shunsui's reiatsu signature hadn't disappeared. So that choice is on him, and he paid for it with Lilynette's life.

I also think Starrk didn't have much conviction or resolve, I mean I don't think most of the Espada really believed in Aizen's cause, they just followed him for more power or because Aizen tricked them or forced them, and prob with a side of hypnosis to pave the way. So Starrk didn't even have anything concrete to believe in and fight for aside from a debt he felt he had to repay, and that was quickly wearing away when he saw how Aizen didn't give a shit about them.

So overall, he went into battle against Shunsui without any desire to fight or kill because he thought he didn't really have anything he wanted enough to fight for, right up until he lost Lilynette and realized that yeah he did have something precious to lose after all. In contrast, Shunsui was fighting for Soul Society and to protect his fellow Shinigami, and at the time, he definitely understood that far better than Starrk did.

If Starrk had survived, I think he would've understood that too, plus he just doesn't have the kind of temper that lashes out and casts blame on others due to excess emotion; rather, he has the sort of analytical mind to comprehend the cause and effect of things pretty instantly. That would all play a big part in why he wouldn't blame Shunsui for doing what he had to do to take Starrk out. He and Lilynette were one, Shunsui would've had to kill both of them sooner or later, otherwise he might as well lie down and give up, Starrk wasn't exactly an opponent he could take it easy with.

In the time travel verse here, Idk if I'd make it a particularly huge thing, because for Starrk it's been like 10+ years, I imagine he's laid that ghost to rest a long time ago even if the loss still hurts sometimes, plus it's not TBTP!Shunsui who killed her, and i think he would've hashed out the issue with TYBW!Shunsui already at the beginning. Of course, TBTP!Shunsui is bound to find out about it eventually, which could be interesting to poke at.

But in Take What's Broken (Make It Whole), it'll definitely come up sooner or later. Even if Starrk doesn't bring it up first, Shunsui will, and even if there's no blame, I imagine they would at least have to talk about it going forward.

[evilkitten3]

i have a theory about shinji, gin, and aizen, but i'm not really sure how to word it.

we never really see shinji and gin interact all that much, which makes sense bc both of them have significantly more important relationships with aizen, but at the same time it's a little odd how much there isn't.

like. gin cut hiyori in half. shinji is understandably pissed about that, but he aims that anger at aizen - and this seems to be one of the very few things in the bleach world that honestly isn't on him bc he never told gin to do that, he never even implied it. hiyori was never a threat to him. hell, we don't even know if she was charging in the right direction; if anything, attacking her implies that she was which is a really stupid thing to do when you're surrounded by a bunch of people who super want you dead and would kill you if they could be sure you weren't tricking them into stabbing each other (ofc it could also be a fakeout but still)

but i don't remember shinji's beef ever really being with gin, even tho he didn't seem to anticipate that gin was working with aizen the whole time during tbtp. so like does he feel responsibility there? cuz gin went straight from academy to 3rd seat and shinji could plausibly feel like that sent him right to aizen bc he doesn't know that gin was always aiming for that. did he blame himself? does he feel like he should've seen it coming? does he still see him as some weird genius kid? does he just view gin as an extension of aizen, which is both dehumanizing to an extent but also entirely fair bc gin did that to himself?

the thing is, since we never really see them interact much, it's kind of only interesting on shinji's side of things, bc gin doesn't really care about much outside of whatever the fuck he thought he was doing and the version of rangiku that he has in his head who needs back something that the real one doesn't ever seem to have realized she lost to begin with. gin's so disconnected with basically everybody that most of the time you can usually assume his thoughts are just "lol. lmao" and there's no reason to think that doesn't extend to shinji as well (gin has deep thoughts on: aizen, ichigo, and matsumoto (massive asterisk on that one ofc) and i think everyone else is kinda set dressing to him lmao the guy is Fucked Up)

anyway i think it's interesting to toy around with that relationship as it was in reality as well as how it might've been perceived, but also in the sense of both of them being sort of opposite ends of the manchild spectrum - shinji leans into his childish side but still has a fairly adult worldview, and gin is able to pull off maturity to an extent but was never able to escape a deeply childish mindset

[littleeyesofpallas]

Ya know, I never thought about it too hard, but it is kinda funny that Kubo said Mayuri's theme song is Marilyn Manson' Dopeshow --which, you know, isn't like that doesn't make sense-- but not, like, a Mudvayne song from the same era, like Dig or something??

Other than just looking like 2000s Chad Gray, Kurotsuchi's name is already sort of evocative of literal mud, and he can turn himself into slime, he's got mud... in his veins...

[cywscross]

Isn't it funny that Starrk's very existence is defined by death and destruction because of his reiatsu, but one of the main aspects of his abilities - the essence of his true form - is the exact opposite, it's creation, the ability to make new life, with his wolf pack, with Lilynette, all pieces of his soul, but all with their own sentience because his loneliness and desperation drove him to want something, anything, beyond what fate dictated for him, even if he had to defy that fate all on his own.

And by funny I mean fucking tragic because gods forbid letting this man be anything else.

[my-my-my]

Aizen, Calligraphy and Poems (?)

In addition to getting into fountain pens, I have also started to read waka poems, which are Japanese poems. While I’m personally not interested in calligraphy as a hobby, reading about the historical aspects of Japanese calligraphy and waka poems made me curious about Aizen’s relationship with calligraphy, and by extension - poetry. We don’t know much about him in relation to those two things other than:

Aizen enjoyed Japanese calligraphy/considered it a hobby

He was so good at calligraphy that he was teaching it at the academy

Hinamori began to practice calligraphy during his captaincy and he held monthly calligraphy sessions for his squad

Aizen had a column in the Sereitei Communication called “The Yin of the Pine Needle”

Japanese calligraphy is a subject often taught to children in elementary school, but it has even older historical roots tied to professional warriors of the bushi rank (samurais are a part of this ranking system). These warriors were trained in bujutsu – were bu means war, and jutsu means technique, and budo. Budo doesn’t quite have a direct translation, but some describe it as the “martial ways to peace.” Even within budo, there were two “emphasis” students needed to focus on: 1) bu which were war and combat strategies, and; 2) bun which were Japanese literature and fine arts. Warriors of the highest ranking were expected to learn all of this, and some students were even expected to learn the flute (shakuhachi), Noh dancing (shimai) and flower arrangement (kado – which was one of Unohana’s hobbies!).

Japanese calligraphy, known as shodo was considered a vital part of a warrior’s training – so it is of no surprise that the Soul Academy, would incorporate it in their curriculum as a class, in addition to kido and sword fighting training.

But why is shodo so important to a warrior’s learning?

Well to many warriors, if sword fighting was considered a reflection of one’s mind (see my post here about Aizen and Kyoka suitgetsu), then shodo is the physical representation of the artist’s spiritual force. Shodo is more than just writing – it is a visible way to sense a warrior’s mental and physical condition. For centuries, leaders in Japan were expected to be strong calligraphers, and some of the best sword fighting masters in history, such as Miyamoto Musashi, were also regarded as some of the best calligraphers of their time.

Each brush stroke must be precise and unwavering – there isn’t room for corrections. An artist must be decisive once the brush hits the paper. The same can be said for sword fighting. You do not swing your sword “hoping” you will get a strike; you swing your sword because you are certain you will strike. Just like in any of the combat arts Shinigami must learn, mistakes are ultimately final in shodo.

Just like handling a sword, holding a brush is also a particular skill. Some teachers in shodo will grab brushes out of their students hand to check their grip. But the trick is that you can’t have too tight of a grip, as your brushstroke becomes rigid and your writing becomes static. Thus, you must be concentrated, but also relaxed. Shodo has an emphasis on balance and flowing, dynamic characters, just like with sword fighting. It’s why there’s often difficulty in painting a straight line, because your mind and body must work together as a unit. Once your brush hits the paper, your hand must paint without hesitation – your thoughts are free as they are focused on the “here” and “now” of painting. Aizen, who had a strongly concentrated mind, was also relaxed – his fight with the Gotei 13 in Fake Karakura Town is an example of this.

I already talked about this in a previous post, but Kyoka suigetsu acts as a metaphor for visualizing before striking. Shodo has a similar concept as well. Skilled artists should be able to visualize the kanji they’ll paint, and then make the decision for the first brush stroke. It would not surprise me if the Soul Academy then made calligraphy an elective because for students to be relatively decent at calligraphy, it would be a safe assumption that they would be good with a katana. Both require accuracy and skills to be effective.

Aizen was already a master sword fighter, so it is then, of no surprise, that his calligraphy skills were also unparalleled. While it’s a shame we don’t see any of Aizen’s calligraphy work, he was recognized in his skill in it that he became a teacher. I also wouldn’t be surprised if this was his way to “vibe check” students as potential conspirators with him, because of the underlying assumption that brush, katana and mind are one.

Calligraphy is just one aspect though; some calligraphers were also talented poets! One specifically that comes to mind is Sugawara no Michizane. To be honest, Aizen kind of reminded me of an evil version of him lol. Sugawara no Michizane was a poet, scholar and politician employed to the Emperor of Japan. Long story short, a political conflict arose, where two other clans working for the emperor made comments that suggested Sugawara was trying to usurp power from the Emperor. As such, Sugawara was exiled from the imperial court.

Another fun fact about Sugawara no Michizane, he had a favourite plum tree in the imperial garden! So much so that on the day of his exile, he wrote a poem for it: When the east wind blows/ let it send your fragrance/ oh plum blossoms. / Although your master is gone/ do not forget the spring. The legend goes that Sugawara missed this tree so much that it flew to him during his exile. This gave the plum tree the name: tobiume.  

Sugawara died not long after his exile, but the imperial palace, and those who wronged Sugawara, experienced dreadful things. Specifically the Emperor’s palace was destroyed through a fire… which was triggered by lightning. Such as the fall of the Sereitei during the first invasion of the Quincy after Aizen’s defeat (Sasikibe dying and Yamamoto burning Squad 1). While Aizen is indeed alive, the imperial court were incredibly superstitious and made temples in honor of Sugawara. And we have Shunsui (temporarily) releasing Aizen for the war (I admit, this connection is a bit of a reach!)

As for poetry, I again, wish we had an example of some of the things Aizen wrote, but the Yin of the Pine Needle is an interesting title for a reoccurring column! He wrote 50 volumes for it. (For context, Unohana’s column had 1041 volumes.)

In Japanese flower language, pine needles (matsuba) symbolize harmony. The “yin” in Aizen’s column’s title, is a bit more ambiguous, because yin can mean different things in this context. Yin can represent assimilation, quietness, sluggishness, psychological or spiritual work, it can also be interpreted as suppression when yin is associated with emotions. Regardless of what exact meaning Aizen’s column was meant to be, it would be a safe assumption that Aizen was publishing something that was could have been a critique, commentary or something where he’s pointing out the “harmony” either within Soul Society or something more ambiguous lol, is not what it seems.

Here are my rambles, thanks for reading! Would love for Kubo to write more Aizen, but alas! I'm always going to overthink the crumbs we get of Aizen's character lol.

[battlefrankies]

i feel the same way about how women are drawn in op as how the trans characters are drawn. is it really exaggerated and would it be better if they were more realistically proportioned? yeah. but compared to even a lot of contemporary shonen out there, OP is the only one giving women and girls this level of development and narrative importance.

they're involved and impactful in the plot. their communities, their relationships, their pasts and their emotional arcs are given just as much attention and weight as any of the men. the women of OP are written by a person who actually sees women as people and who has deep, important, and strong relationships with real life women. oda has said from the beginning that agency and autonomy for the women are deeply important to him and it actually shows in his writing.

honestly, with how often the men of OP have their tits out (and in at least one notable case, their balls out), i don't even mind the women being dressed Like That. there's room for improvement, i'll sigh and roll my eyes at some stuff, but ultimately the writing and framing around these characters is incredible. i prefer that to literally any other series that makes the women look normal but also gives them absolutely nothing important plotwise. naruto, jjk, kny, it's just so fucking bleak out there. i'm actually not even gonna call out bleach this time, because bleach wasted every character and not just the women lol

[umbraria]

An analysis on Rukia's captain outfit

Beside growing her hair + ponytail. Rukia's design gained 2 elements when she became a Captain:

🔴Ukitake left his Captain haori to Rukia in WDKALY 🔵She has a navy blue ribbon in her hair

🔵Just like her white sleeves when she became a Lt were given by Byakuya, we can see his new Oneshot design also has navy blue to match with his sister, coincidence or another gift? 🔴We know Captains have freedom in customizing their haori and yet Rukia chose to keep Ukitake's

🔵Just like her role as Lt, Kaien was set to become the Capt position. He is associated with blue, a nod to Rukia's role as the succesor of both

🔴Zangetsu's first design is based in SnS design due Rukia passing her powers to him. Ichigo has always been associated with red…

And yet now Rukia is associated with it too.

Mangakas give characters a specific color to make them stand out and create a narrative. I see Rukia's new design as a homage to her 'mentors', all of them taught her something valuable and believed in her potential.

[recurring-polynya]

In the years since I've been running this blog, I've made a lot of jokes about Renji's seemingly ill-thought-out plan of:

Beat Captain Kuchiki

???

Profit Be with Rukia again

but I was looking at his volume poem the other day, and I think that I am an idiot, and beating Byakuya has never been connected to seeing Rukia again. It's a smokescreen. He does have an actual, actionable plan of training and working hard enough to become a vice-captain (specifically Byakuya's vice-captain), and then approaching Rukia again as her social equal. We know that beating Byakuya wasn't a key component of that, because he was planning to do it as soon as she got back from her mission.

The thing about defeating Byakuya is that Renji is purposely setting his sights a few degrees to the left of the truth to keep from falling into depression and despair. Trying to get Rukia back is a thing that he can try to do and fail, and in fact, he very well may. Beating Byakuya is impossible. No one believes he can really do it, least of all himself, which means, paradoxically, he can't lose. When you fail to do the impossible, you can shrug and say, "well, it was impossible, what did you expect?

I mean, it's right there in the poem: "I am going to focus on reaching the unreachable because if I think about Rukia, I am going to kill myself." And I don't think Renji is a guy who has a suicidal bent--the fact that he pursues this line of thinking is proof of that. But what is the difference between a person who thinks about killing themself and someone actively works to not to...? I don't know. It's complicated.

One of the most fundamental themes of Bleach is the idea that Hollows are fallen souls who lose their hearts and eat other souls in order to ease their pain, but they only end up creating more Hollows in the process except that we see examples again and again of shinigami pulling this exact shit (Byakuya, I am looking at you). I cannot figure out if Renji's drive to distract himself from the pain of losing Rukia is a play to avoid falling into monstrosity, or if it's pretty much a direct route. I mean, this is basically exactly the path that Gin and Tousen take--which makes it all the more interesting to me that Aizen rejects Renji as unsuitable for his conspiracy.

I can't put my finger on any particular thing that separates Renji from other characters in this respect, aside from maybe his fundamental Renji-ness-- the fact that he has other friends and connections? That he has hope, no matter how dim, that he may actually reunite with Rukia some day? That he's just a guy who reaches for life instead of death? (Mildly off-topic, but if there is one other character that this is also true of, I think it might be...Matsumoto???)

Anyway, another thing I like about setting himself against an impossible goalpost is that this would be a terrible idea for a human with a finite lifespan, but shinigami have all the time in the world. Go ahead, pal, pursue your impossible tasks, live your truth! I read a lot of stories about semi-immortal beings, and I love love love it when they seem very human and then they do some batshit insane thing that makes you realize, oh, they very much are not.

My favorite way to break my own heart is re-reading the "Fate is a Millstone" chapter, where we learn that Renji was a hair's-breadth away achieving his real goal of talking to Rukia again, only to have Fate throw him a face-full of pocket sand. I think it's extra salt in the wound, to be honest, if he's been pursuing the impossible goal of beating Byakuya as a distraction for all these years, only to arrive at a place where Rukia's life literally hinges on him beating Byakuya, a thing which is not just theoretically impossible, but something Renji has spent 40 years becoming intimately familiar with just how impossible it is.