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lil-dragon-rawr · 6 days ago

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Hear Me Out: TOH x DC

(or: this crossover needs more attention and sometimes you gotta be the snake oil you want to see in the world)

Part Two, Part Three, Part Four

Masterlist

(Luz, Amity, Cass, and Steph are stuck in Riddler's latest Escape Room Of Death (Or At Least Very Threatening Special Effects))

Steph: *starts whisper-arguing with Cass about whether or not to get involved as civilians*

Amity, unaware and moving towards the door with Intent To Slime: want me to-

Luz: don't worry I got this!

Luz, pulling a snake (???) out of her shirt: go, little power noodle, go!

Stringbean: *snakeshifts their tail into a key and unlocks the door*

Cass, slowly putting her lockpicks away: 0_o

Steph, to Cass: was that a snake? That was a snake, right?

(Luz, being Luz, ends up face-to-face with Black Mask in the absolute worst part of town)

Black Mask, one vaguely sarcastic comment away from murdering the random teen that just wandered into his high-profile drug deal: you have one chance to explain who you work for and how you got here, or I carve the answer out of you with a knife.

Luz, squinting at him:

Luz "Belos Was Turning Me To Stone And My First Instinct Was To Sass His Terrible Fashion Choices" Noceda: well aren't you just a ball of sunshine

Red Hood, interrupting the deal with Black Mask and coming face-to-face with a teen who was alarmingly unfazed by the whole event: do you have a death wish?

Luz: no, but it loses its edge after the first time

Luz: I mean, been there done that amirite?

Red Hood, processing:

Red Hood, hoping he wildly misread the context clues: you've died before?

Luz: well yeah

Luz, seeing an opportunity to cause chaos: but I came back thanks to the power of god and anime

Red Hood: ???

Poison Ivy: *minding her own business on the balcony of her suite*

Willow, thorn vaulting her way into the balcony: hi there! Huge fan :D

Ivy, trying to have a peaceful afternoon: wHOMST-

Willow: wanna compare notes on carnivorous plants?

Ivy:

Ivy: ...yes, do you have live examples by chance?

Willow, knowing she can essentially spawn plants at will: :D

(Robin, incredibly suspicious of the group that just moved into one of the worst (but cheap) apartment complexes in Gotham, has a stakeout at their apartments)

Hunter, moving around his apartment with Waffle on his shoulder: ^w^

Robin, immediately switching gears: I wonder if I could liberate the bird and convince Father to keep it since it's rescued from potential rogues.

Oracle, who heard him over comms: you're not allowed to steal pets anymore and you know it

Amity: *gets a job at Barbara's library*

Barbara, trying to keep an eye on her since she's kinda sus: hey, you're new here right? Want to grab coffee sometime?

Amity, just trying to do a good job: sure! :)

Barbara, suddenly acquiring a new sister: [task failed successfully]

King "Technically A Teenager But Really Short So Everyone Thinks He's A Child" Clawthorne: *gets kidnapped*

Kidnapper, calling the number King gave him to ask for ransom: we have your child-

Eda, unamused: oh yeah, which one?

Kidnapper: uhh short, yellow eyes, keeps asking if we have any ice cream?

Eda, annoyed: you have King???

Kidnapper, thinking they're getting somewhere: yes, and if you ever want to see him again, you'll bring $100k to the warehouse on the corner of 5th

Eda, knowing full well King could escape if he decided to use 2% of his power: *pinching the bridge of her nose* I'll be right over

Signal, about to rescue the small child some guy kidnapped: *waiting for an opening*

Eda, strutting into the warehouse on a mission: so you're the guy who kidnapped my son?

Signal, doing a double take because this lady with a hook for an arm has an aura that's oozing black and gray (and it looks like she has two auras for the price of one???): uhh Oracle?

Kidnapper, pointing a gun at Eda: slide the money over or I shoot!

Eda, still unamused: oh I'm sure you will, you spineless snaggleback.

Eda, letting the Owl Beast take over completely: *screeching, swallowing the kidnapper whole*

Eda, reverting back to normal: *burps*

Signal, panicking: Oracle? Hello?

Eda, moving on: so, King, did you have fun?

King, dropping the ropes he burned through with a glyph an hour ago: I had a blast!

Signal, finally getting a good look at the kid and realizing his aura is stronger than the demon lady's: Oracle, please respond

Signal, about to finish patrol: *sees the kidnapper from earlier passed out in a pile of nasty goo (Eda pelleted him up lol)*

Signal, incredibly concerned: ???

Oracle, tracking down all the information she can find on the Clawthornes: so it looks like that lady Signal saw got married in Vegas, stole her husband's car six hours later, and paid for a latte in Connecticut with a live racoon

Spoiler: what a legend. Move over Florida Man, there's a new queen in town

Red Robin: she turned into a monster and literally ate a guy yesterday

Spoiler: exactly, she's iconic

Red Robin:

Spoiler, rolling her eyes: god forbid women do anything

Red Robin, staking out the Clawthorne apartments after The Incident™: *listening in on conversations via the bugs he planted*

Gus, appearing next to him out of nowhere: hi there! Got a minute?

Red Robin: *screeching*

Gus, taking this as a yes: can I bug you with a few questions?

Red Robin, realizing a civilian snuck up on him and his siblings will never let him live this down: ...uhh

Gus, fangirling on the inside because this is a real human hero right in front of him: so what's it like being a human hero?

Red Robin, desperately trying to figure out what on earth these people are: you're not human?

Gus: *bursts out laughing and never answers the question*

(Luz, Vee, Hunter, and King, hopelessly lost in Black Mask's territory while trying to find their way to a restaurant)

Red Hood, recognizing Luz "I Have The Power Of God And Anime On My Side" Noceda: hey are you actively trying to get killed by Black Mask, or are you just lost?

Luz: oh hi again! Guys, this is the vigilante I was talking about!

Vee: *leans forward and sniffs Red Hood before freezing and remembering that's not something humans do* uhh. Ehe.

Red Hood: did you just sniff me?

Vee: uhhhh

Luz, squinting at Red Hood because Vee obviously smelled magic on him: haha, so silly, you wouldn't happen to be magic, would you?

Red Hood:

Red Hood: okay, back up. You can smell magic?

Vee, understanding there's no way out of this conversation: ...yes?

Red Hood, to Luz: and you died?

Luz: that's been established. The real question is how are you magic?

Red Hood: probably cause I died and got dunked in a necromancer's key lime smoothie extravaganza

Luz: cool

(the Batfamily sets up a meeting with Clawthornes & Co, C&C agrees cause they wanna see how the most paranoid member of the JL reacts to Demon Realm shenanigans)

Batman, seeing C&C and immediately clocking them as a bunch of child soldiers trauma bonded for life: .....

Eda, seeing the Batfam and also immediately clocking them as a bunch of child soldiers: ........

Eda, about Robin: why is there a twelve-year-old fighting crime?

Batman, about King: why is there an eight-year-old with more power than most high-level magicians?

Robin and King, at the same time: I'm fourteen!!

Robin and King: *squinting at each other*

Signal, off to the side, seeing the auras of the rest of C&C for the first time: oh my God. Oh my God

Spoiler: come on it can't be that bad

Signal: oh my God if B picks a fight we're all going to actually die

Batman, about Luz: why has your kid died?

Eda, about Red Hood: why has your kid died?

Red Hood, a self-proclaimed unbiased participant: oooooOOOOOOO she got you there *high fives Luz*

Batman, dragging Signal into the conversation because he's the only one who can see their auras: Signal. Ask your questions.

Signal, desperately trying to not get obliterated in a magic mushroom of energy: I plead the fifth

Eda: [Eda was amused]

Signal: so, you have two auras. Is there an explanation for that or...?

Eda: eh, I guess I have my sister to thank for that

Signal: ...can you elaborate?

Eda, sighing: it's a chronic condition. But at least my inner demon is paying rent now.

Signal, wildly confused:

Signal: so, um. You're the kid who got kidnapped a little bit ago, how are you holding up?

King: you call that a kidnapping? At best that was a half-baked attempt at a babysitting extortion scheme

Signal: ...do you know what kidnapping is?

King: yeah?

Signal: and you were unfazed by the whole ordeal?

King: I mean yeah, this was nothing compared to the time I was almost sacrificed by that cult

Batfam, collectively: ?????

Batman: [Batman will remember that]

Signal, to Luz: okay. So, you're the one who died - your aura also has this demon thing protecting it?

Luz and King: !!!!

Eda: hot dang, kid! The Titan's still hanging around!

Red Robin, thinking it's Greek myths coming into play: I'm sorry did you say titan?

Luz, making an attempt at explanation: yeah the Titan gave me the last bit of his power when I died

Luz, with jazz hands: and voila! Not dead anymore!

Spoiler, whispering to Red Robin: so is she...technically a god now?

Signal, increasingly desensitized to the power level of C&C: *pointing to Willow* you're basically Poison Ivy on crack

Willow, who just had her weekly meeting with Ivy: aww, thank you!

Signal, turning to Amity: I don't even know what happened to you.

Amity: oh is my aura all goopy?

Signal, slowly: that's...one way of putting it

Amity: okay it's all good! Probably just abomination slime :)

Batman: ...abomination slime?

Amity: yeah, like this!

Amity: *conjures abominations on the ground beneath the vigilantes*

Batkids: *screaming, cursing*

Luz, kissing Amity on the cheek: ooh another one for vigilante bingo! Nice job, sweet potato!

Signal, squinting at Hunter: uhh you're like, made out of bark and oozing a vaguely concerning substance? Also there's a bird imprinted on your chest

Hunter, tearing up: oh. What kind of bird

Signal: small and red, idk maybe a cardinal?

Hunter, full-on sobbing: I'm fine I just have some dirt in my eye. Stupid dirt

Batfam, putting two and two together about the group's matching bird tattoos: ohhh. Oh. Oh.

Spoiler: kay but why is your aura wood?

Hunter: oh I'm part palistrom wood

Hunter, counting off ingredients on his fingers: and part Titan blood, which probably explains the oozing

Hunter: I have a Galdorstone,

Spoiler, horrified whispering: is that like a kidney stone?

Hunter, still listing ingredients: Stonesleeper lungs, Selkidomus scales, a bone from my former uncle's deceased brother-

Red Robin: is there a reason you treat body parts like they're customizable options in the menu of an RPG?

Hunter, missing the joke completely: I'm a Grimwalker. This is what I'm made out of

Red Robin: ...you lost me.

Robin: but what about the blue jay you had on your shoulder?

Hunter: oh you mean Waffle! :D

Hunter: *pulls Waffle out of his shirt* say hi, Waffle!

Waffle: *un-petrifies himself and chirps*

Robin: 🤯

Spoiler, to Blackbat: it was a snake!

(hard cut to Robin being swarmed by palisman)

Robin, thinking: on one hand, it is foolish to show such obvious weakness in front of potential enemies. On the other hand, their familiars are all very cute.

Robin:

Robin, making a decision: *continues playing with the palisman*

Signal, pointing to Gus and Vee: I don't understand you.

Gus, comfortingly: don't worry, greatness is difficult to comprehend :)

Vee, actually trying to help Signal: ohh it's because he's all smoke and mirrors and I'm not even a witch!

Spoiler, who thought these were all just metas after Eda "It's A Chronic Condition" Clawthorne: you're not even a what now

(Clawthorne & Co, trying to start from the beginning)

Amity: so we're all witches-

Luz: well,

Vee: *laughs*

Hunter, raising his hand: I'm only half a witch on a good day

Batman:

Amity, amending: only three of us are biological witches who use traditional witch spells,

Luz: there you go!

Amity: those three witches are Willow, Gus, and myself

Amity: and Luz is the first human witch!

Spoiler, whispering to Blackbat: witches and humans are different species??

Blackbat: *shrugs*

Eda: and I used to be the most powerful witch on the Isles, but my curse corrupted my magic. Now I'm a harpy because I convinced the demon in my head to pay rent

Batman: curse?

Eda, waving her hand: yeah, long story

Luz: and like we established earlier, Hunter's a Grimwalker that used a human template, so he's not biologically a witch either. But Flapjack gives him magic!

Hunter, nodding solemnly: the power of friendship

Spoiler, whispering to Blackbat: oh my god friendship is magic My Little Pony was right-

Blackbat: *snickers*

Red Hood: and the weird kid who smells magic isn't magic?

Vee, defensively: magic is yummy!

Red Hood:

Vee "My First Instinct Upon Entering The Human World Was To Tell A Human 'Skin's Sure Weird' To Their Face" Noceda: ...yum yum!

Batfam:

Vee:

Batfam:

Vee: okay okay I'm a basilisk, basilisks eat magic!

Batfam: ...