#bitch bitch bitch anyway happy disability pride

[the-moogle-of-your-nightmares]

happy first day of disability pride month let's hear it for my fucking spine

[greyvvardenfell]

nosy bitch hours!! 10, 12, 16, 41, B, F for verian <3

nosy! bitch! hours!

10. What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them?

Unfortunately this is slightly too nosy for our current campaign progress :). Suffice it to say that it haunts them every waking moment and most sleeping ones.

12. How do they deal with an itch found in a place they can’t quite reach?

Oh you mean like if the skin over your shoulder blades bursts open on the reg and has to re-heal every time? haha just hypothetically. He either ignores it with his ridiculous stoicism skills or scratches up against a tree/rock/building like a bear, I think.

16. What makes their stomach turn?

Injustice, cruelty, sense memories from [redacted], and turns out they're not too fond of demons and/or aberrations sure hope we don't run into more of those

41. How do they feel about children?

They're too loud and touch-happy but they see more than adults think they do, so they make good resources if you're tracking something.

B. What inspired you to create them?

Back when we were planning on doing Curse of Strahd instead of Netherdeep, I saw that wereraven was an option and immediately, predictably, fell in love with that concept. Finding out about the Raven Queen added another layer of icing on the already-tasty raven-themed cake. Otherwise, I knew I wanted to explore a character with a degenerative disability (I cannot escape my self-insert roots lmao) and play an archer of some kind. Thus, Verian!

F. What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?

There's some sadness, some annoyance, some empathy, some fear. See above re: degenerative disability that slowly takes away your ability to do the things you want to be doing. And he is so rigidly set in his ways (although not without some progress!) that I think he would genuinely drive me fucking insane if I had to travel with him like this. But I love my weird bird guy (gender neutral) anyway.

[matchbet-allofthetime]

HAPPY MOTHERFUCKING PRIDE

I'm omw to throw bricks at cops, punch nazis, and love myself no matter what.

Hope you all have a very enjoyable and safe pride month and remember- this shit started as a riot. It worked then, it'll sure as fuck work now.

Fuck shit up. If someone talks shit? Bite back.

Don't be kind for the sake of some asshole's feelings. You are not your body and you are fucking gorgeous, handsome, beautiful, whatever words you prefer.

To all my boy girls and girl boys, my he/him lesbians and nblws, my she/her men and nblms. To all my disabled friends, even if it's invisible disability. To all of my drag queens and kings and royalties, to all my eldritch and cryptid forest walkers. To those who prefer using older terminology, to the dykes and faggots and trannies and twinks and bears and leather lovers, to all the bitches and femmes and studs and soft boys and rose boys and everyone else, too. To all of my BIPOC siblings of all kinds, no matter your history or culture. To all of us confused and lost, without home or family or even labels. Because they don't matter as much as simply existing. To all of the shorter people, the taller people, the chubby men and women and enbies, to those that encompass the stereotypes bc that's simply who they are, to those with mental illnesses and lisps and eyes that wander. To all of those who can't get surgery because of money or physical issues that make it dangerous or those that simply don't want to. To men with cunts and women with cocks and men with tits and women with top surgery. To everyone and every one of us, no matter who we are, our stories, or wherever we may lead. To all of us, even as our labels and identities change over months or years or decades because we are fluid beings and are meant to change because that is what growth is. We will never truly know in full and that is okay.

To the world. To us. To every fucking one of us. Fuck em up, my loves. 💙

Anyways, happy pride from your local boygirl-girlboy aroace queer polyam agender menace who doesn't date! I am a triple A battery :))

I love you all very much and please be safe.

[lapetitechatonne]

in honor of disability pride month

hello, i don’t talk about my disability a lot because first of all, it can be really frustrating trying to explain it, and secondly i’ve dealt with a lot of invalidation/micro-aggressions surrounding it.

but i’m trying to be more open about it, not just for my sake, but because i know what it feels like to think you’re alone. to not understand why you can’t do things like normal people, and to be upset about it.

i was diagnosed with ADD when i was in elementary school, and they just put me on some meds and called it a day. i still take adderal to this day, and truthfully i can’t function without it. i don’t know how because no one here taught me. my disability was boiled down to “not being able to pay attention” and i suffered for it. i thought there was something wrong with me. that i was broken. i still feel that way sometimes.

then came the anxiety. then the depression. and my family can’t, or won’t, understand. every time we talk about my disability they say “you can’t use that as an excuse” like if i try hard enough my brain will magically change how it functions.

but that’s not how it works. yeah, i can usually find a way to do things, but sometimes doing that is so frustrating and harmful to myself that it’s better if i don’t. and i’m not using my disability as an excuse, i’m telling you how it effects me and why it’s hard for me to do things. to have people brush that off because i technically can do it is infuriating. heartbreaking.

some days are good, and i like how my brain works, because it’s fast and the connections are good, and i’m happy. other days i lose my phone ten times and am crying about it because object permanence is a bitch.

i think the worst thing is people just expect you to be strong. they expect you to power through and be an inspiration and still get things done. it makes you feel worst on the days that you feel like everything is falling apart.

so, this disability pride month, if you have a disabled friend, try some of these things:

don’t make fun of them for losing things

be patient when they ask you to repeat yourself

remind them that even if you don’t understand, you’ll always listen

reaffirm that you care about them

ask them about their current hyperfixation/special interest

make sure they’re eating enough protein

make sure they’re remembering to eat in general

tell them their feeling are valid

if they’re having a big emotion/panic attack breath with them

recognize they may be over stimulated in large group settings

when making plans, remember that caffeine and alcohol can work odd with meds, so maybe do lunch instead of drinks/coffee

believe them when they say something is difficult and validate those feelings

anyways, that’s just a few things that might make your disabled friends feel a bit more loved. obviously this list is based on my own experience, so that’s why it’s focused on the nerodivergentcy. overall, ask your friends how best to support them. they probably know, but are too afraid to say anything.

anyways, if you have any questions about my experiences with adhd/add, anxiety, or depression don’t hesitate to reach out. i’m no therapist, and i won’t claim to be, but i want to remind people that being disabled isn’t something to be ashamed of.

[mrsalwayswrite]

To Call Forth Love (Modern!Ivar x OC) Chapter 2

Well I meant to only write a one-shot but oops, I just kept going. 

This is Chapter 1 but from Ivar’s POV. We also get to see some family dynamics there and why he was acting towards Kari like he did. 

A huge thanks again to @saritanotserena​ for help with the moodboard. 

Words:4200

Warnings: swearing, mild sexual content

If you need to catch up, Chapter 1. 

Series Masterlist

"Fuck." The word dropped from his mouth with all the impact of a grenade. Somehow even just uttering the word solidified what he had just been told. 

 Running his tongue along his teeth, he huffed then slipped his phone into his back pocket. His brothers were not going to be happy. He glanced up at the moon as if hoping it would give him answers, but she was a fickle bitch and just shone down on him, surrounding him in shadows. Somewhere he had spent most of his life anyway, where he felt most comfortable now. Not forever though. He promised himself that. He would not spend forever in the shadows. 

 Turning around, he yanked the 'employee only' door open and slipped back into the raucous club. His thoughts tore relentlessly through his mind as he walked down the darkened corridor. It was easy to dismiss the blasting music, the bright lights, the drunken cheers from inside the club. It was all superficial, all irrelevant. His mind focused on the important things. At least what he deemed important for his intellectual mind. Tomorrow, he was leaving for a business trip to the Mediterranean and with the way things were playing out….it would certainly not be boring. He could already taste the blood on his tongue. A venomous smile hinted at the corners of his lips at the thought. 

 Walking down the crowded hallway, leading to the main floor of the club, people instantly jumped out of his way. If it was due to the scowl on his face or the knowledge of who he was, he did not care. They were all beneath him. A couple of the women tried to make eye contact, to slither closer in hopes of gaining his attention. He ignored them. They had better luck gaining favors from one of his brothers. He wondered if that was part of their draw to him, for how few women he allowed to entertain him. It mattered not. 

 A twinge in his leg caused him to step to the side of the hallway for a second and pause. The pain was mild, something he constantly endured. Pain- his ever-constant companion. Closer to him than his own family. This twinge told him he had spent far too long on his feet today, especially without his cane. He snarled at himself, at his own disability, his inadequacy. Before self-loathing could sink in, he pushed the feeling away. No more. He would rise above this, as he always did. There was no other choice. The gods bestowed this curse upon him, he would make sure they regretted it. 

 For once though, he wished the gods would bless him. 

 Just as he started to move forward, a blonde woman crashed into another woman that had been walking in his direct path but seemed not to notice due to her facing the ground. The blonde ran into the smaller brunette then continued onward without notice or care after righting herself. Unconsciously, his hand darted out to grab the arm of the brunette woman before she fell ungraciously at his feet. Normally, he was not so selfless. His typical response would be to taunt and laugh at the woman at his feet. Make some comment about how he had no need for her to worship at his feet. But as soon as he grabbed her, kept her upright, he wondered why she was different. Why his usually barbed words were silenced.

 Her hands fisted the front of his Armani shirt as if clinging to a sinking ship and hoping for salvation. He would have laughed at any other time for he was the furthest from salvation; but her head tipped up and he felt himself freeze. Her eyes widened meeting his and for a fleeting moment he wondered what she saw when looking at him. He peered down at her, the top of her head just under his chin. Her chocolate hair hung loosely behind her, reaching a couple inches past her shoulders. Pale, pink lips glistened under the lights, distracting him for a moment with the way they glistened. Dark eyeliner and a smoky color highlighted her blue-green eyes that reminded him of the sea, swirling and enchanting.  What surprised him most was the seemingly innocent look in those ocean eyes. Even her features seemed so girl-next-door and innocent that he wondered what someone like her was doing in a place like this. 

 His hand still held onto her. He needed to let go but found himself reluctant to. She was a mystery that he found himself wanting to unravel. He placed the words on his tongue to make a quip, to return to his comfortable aloof manner but not fast enough…

 For she rose up on her toes and pressed her lips to his. 

 A myriad of emotions flooded him at the sensation of her gentle kiss. So profound were the conflicting feelings, he stood as a statue, unmoved for concern of what his actions would tell. Though he had been kissed before, those were always alcohol or lust fueled, and even then only minimal for they represented a precursor to what he actually wanted. This felt like nothing he had ever experienced before, it was soft and gentle, like the touch of a butterfly's wing. Yet it also unleashed something in him desiring more. More of the softness she unwittingly offered, something his life was void of. Lastly though, it burned his soul because no one like her ever came to him willingly or because they wanted him. There was always a catch, always something they wanted. He was never good enough. He was never enough. 

 "Are you drunk?" He blurted out without caution or remorse. The lingering taint of tequila on her breath alerted him that she was not entirely sober. 

 "What?...no, I've had like two drinks but that's it...wait. Oh gods! Was my kiss that bad? Shit. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'll just...sorry." She began blabbering, cheeks turning a lovely pink even through her sun-kissed skin. 

 He stared at her a long time, unsure what to do next. He prided himself on his ability to make decisions, to plan and see corners when others only saw a straight line. It was also not unknown his ability to predict how others would think and react, and he used that to his own advantage often. But with her, he was unsure. He knew it would be wisest to push her away, to return to his brothers and tell them the news that had him in a foul mood. Yet he found himself leaning towards the alternative, curious to see what she would do next, what her sweet kiss meant, to stare into her beguiling eyes more and taste those pretty, pink lips again. 

 "Come." He commanded, releasing her arm and taking a step to the side. 

 "Wha…. what?"

 He cocked his head to the side, eyes narrowing. "Come. I am not through with you." Here was the test. Here would decide how they both reacted. Mentally, he prepared himself for rejection and prepared a sharp barb on his tongue only for it to be silenced with her quiet, stuttered acceptance. 

 "Ohhh….um, ok."

 Glancing over her quickly, he turned on his heel and started towards the VIP section before she could see the surprise and shock on his face. He hated how her acceptance momentarily warmed his heart. He promised himself he would continue to test her, to make sure she was not feigning desire. For if she was, he had no problem giving her a taste of his anger and retribution for being played. His brothers had learned long ago to forgo what they thought was helpful by throwing women at him. Those same women usually returned to his brothers in tears and cursing his name due to the intimidation and demeaning he showered them in. 

 He led her to an unoccupied section, grateful that the space his brothers sat at was further away and they seemed preoccupied with their own revelry. Without a word, he dropped onto the couch, his legs thanking him for the reprieve. He turned to her and could not help but slide his heated gaze over her body. Standing there in her short, tight, black dress and wicked heels, he found his mouth suddenly dry. What she wore was pure temptation, flattering her delicious curves and elongating her legs to a point where he wondered what she would do if he dragged his tongue from her toes all the way up to her hip. It was the way that she lightly bit her lower lip, looking both excited and shy that caused his member to harden beneath him. 

 Silently, he held out his hand, beckoning her closer. A thrill raced down his spine as she took her hand and let him guide her to straddle his lap. 

 "Good girl." He murmured, pleased by her actions. 

 As her lips descended once more upon his, where last time he was unmoved, this time he took control. His hands gripped her ass, holding her against him as his mouth dominated. His tongue greedily worshiped her mouth, drawing her tongue into a sensual dance that earned a moan from her. Unable to stop, he found himself powerless to tear his mouth from hers. It was like the sweetest ambrosia he ever tasted. Her mouth was both sweet and filthy and he wanted to drown in the taste. 

 When her lips retreated, he almost snarled at losing their touch. Instead he dropped his mouth to her chest, lavishing the line of her cleavage with his mouth and tongue. 

 "Fuck, you taste amazing." He whispered. He could get drunk just off the taste of her. His tongue traced the tops of her breasts once more before moving up her chest and neck to suckle just below her earlobe, wanting to leave his mark. In more than one place. When a soft purr escaped her due to his touch, he could not help the possessive way he held her tighter, needing her closer, needing to hear that sound again. 

 Her hands grasped his face, forcing their lips to meet again and it was all he could do to suppress the pleased growl in his throat. Her hips began grinding fervently above him and he knew she was lost to the throes of pleasure. 

 "Fuck, kitten, keep going. Ride my cock." He growled into her mouth. He watched as she threw her head back, mouth open. Continuing to grind under her, he decorated her skin with hot, open-mouth kisses and sucking occasionally, wanting to leave evidence of his touch on her. So she could not forget him easily. To mark her as his. For after this, she would surely be his. He watched her unashamedly as her orgasm hit her. Her lips parted, eyes closed and head thrown back, she was the most beautiful creature in this moment he had ever laid eyes on. 

 "What…." He watched as she licked her lips, seeming to struggle with forming a coherent statement once the blinding pleasure dissipated. "What, um, was that?"

 "What are you talking about?" He asked smugly, as he continued to place open mouth kisses along her chest and neck, never stopping his ministrations. His member was rock-hard under him and demanding attention. Soon enough, he would have her on her knees before him. He wanted to see those pretty, pink lips he enjoyed so much wrapped around his cock. 

 "Um, that feeling… I just...wow…." She stuttered out, voice wavering. 

 He stopped his ministrations, a realization dawning upon him. He tilted his head slightly to hold her gaze. "Have you never had an orgasm before?"

 He could see the panic that filled her eyes before she even moved. As soon as she tried to dart away like a skittish animal, he pinned her to him, wrapping a hand around the back of her neck and kept a firm grip on her hip with the other. 

 "You never have…." He murmured aloud. Truthfully, virgins were an elusive breed due to his social circle and work. Especially virgins coming to him. This information also drew forth a caveman feeling that inflamed his blood and made his member strain with even more painful pressure. He was the first to touch, the first to give her pleasure. It made him want to lay her down and have her right there on the couch, uncaring of anyone who walked by. He wanted to hear her purr under him, to drag her nails down his back. He wanted to claim her, to never let another man touch her. That only he would bring her pleasure. He wanted to corrupt and taint her, but also worship her as his goddess. 

 "Are you a virgin, my pretty kitten? Mmm?" He knew the answer but wanted to hear her say it. Needed her to confirm it. 

 "Please," she whined. He was unsure if her plea was to save her from speaking out loud her innocence or to continue lavishing her with pleasure. Either way, he could tell she was at his mercy and he loved it. 

 Deliberately slow, he leaned closer to her, hovering his mouth over hers. The way her breath hitched, her eyelashes fluttered, her hands tightening on his shoulders, he knew she wanted him. 

 "Kari!'

 His pretty kitten jerked at the call, drawing her gaze to two women standing at the entrance of the VIP section with the bouncer.  

 "It's time to go!" One of them yelled over the music. 

 He narrowed his eyes at them, angry that they were stealing her attention. The one who called out ignored him, keeping her eyes on the brunette in his lap while the other practically bounced on her toes, nervousness evident. Clearly, they knew who he was. He smirked, a dark and devious look that caused both to stiffen even from far away. He licked his bottom lip as if tasting their fear in the air. 

 "I have to leave." She quietly said when she turned back to him. Any other person he would have assumed she would be pleased to abandon him, that this whole thing was a set up and now her friends were coming to 'rescue' her. Staring up at her, he could see the guilt in her eyes, the lust still dancing there. 

 There was still his question he wanted answered before he even considered letting her go, which he was becoming more and more reluctant to. He dropped his head, nuzzling her neck after brushing her hair away before whispering into her ear. "Answer my question first." 

 "I... I need to go. I'm sorry. Please. I just…"

 He forced her gaze to meet his, lips ghosting over hers. "Answer. Me." He snapped, not pleased with her trying to get out of answering. 

 Finally, her answer came out in a barely heard whisper. "Yes."

 He paused, both surprised and elated by her confession. Immediately, he slammed his lips to her with abandon, forcing her into a needy kiss, coaxing her tongue to dance with his again. A lusty moan from her filled the nonexistent space between them and he answered with a growl. He desired her. More than just a lustful want. No, he found himself enthralled by her innocence but also the way she clung to him as he alone kept her tied to this world, instead of floating away on waves of pleasure. 

 "Stay." He whispered against her lips. 

 "I can't …."

 "I'll bring you home. We aren't finished yet." He stated, rolling his hips under her, his hard cock rubbing against her hot core. Gods, he wanted to keep touching her. Never before had a woman enthralled him as much as she did. He could not, would not, relinquish her. She was his. 

 "Please, I'm sorry. I want to stay, I promise. I've never…. I…. I just need to go. I'm sorry."

 The hint of panic in her voice dulled his lust. It was her words, confirming her want of him that placated him for now; but he would let her go on his terms, not on hers' and especially not on her meddlesome friends' that continued to stare at them. 

 Slowly, as if to prove he still controlled the situation, his grip loosened on her. His thumb caressed her pulse point, loving the erratic beat due to his presence and touch. His other hand trailed up her body as if to memorize it once more before taking her hand. In an uncharacteristic show of affection, he entwined their fingers. His blue eyes beheld her own, the blue-green color swirling and making him feel adrift at sea. Everything in him screamed to keep her in his lap, to not let her go. But there was something different about her, something that demanded care and tenderness, which confused him. She was the first woman besides his mother to show him such soft affection, to make him feel strangely safe. As he sat there staring at her, he felt that he was watching the sun set, beauty radiating enough to take his breath, but he feared the sun would never rise again on them. 

 "KARI!"

 She jolted at the frantic call of her name, tearing her eyes away. If he had no longer been tethered to her, her hand in his, he would have pulled out the knife hidden on his body and thrown it at her friend who kept interrupting them. It would bring him satisfaction to see the knife protruding from her thigh…. he had no intentions of killing her…. unless she interrupted him and his kitten once more. 

 He turned back to her, hoping to draw out a few more moments. "Can I see you again?" He quietly asked, running his thumb along the back of her hand.

 "I hope so." She smiled tenderly at him, then stepped away and walked towards her friends. 

 His gaze traced over her curves as she walked away, watching her hips sway and those tantalizing legs he wanted to caress. He leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees. His gaze flickered back up to her friends. When he saw the one who kept calling her was watching him, a menacing smile grew and his gaze hardened. He was pleased to see her visibly stiffen and scurry away. 

 To his surprise, before fully descending the stairs, the pretty brunette looked over her shoulder to meet his gaze once more. In his mind, he begged her to come back, to return to him. Though the words would never cross his lips. He never begged. His pride and ego would never allow it. Nor would it allow him to chase after her to get her full name or phone number. 

 Then she disappeared amongst the crowd just as quickly as she appeared in his life. 

 His head and shoulders dropped as if an invisible weight had been placed on him. He sat there for a long moment, his mind reviewing everything that just occurred. He also needed his enraged cock to settle before he even attempted to get up. The sounds of her moans in his ear, the soft feel of her skin, how she fit perfectly in his lap as if made by the gods especially for him, that damn purring noise she made as he licked her almost made him blow his load. All of it he never wanted to forget. Though, remembering was not helping him to calm down. There was something different about her, a mysterious quality he wanted to discover and explore, just as much as her body. It was the way she held him unafraid that beguiled him the most. From the way her friends reacted, he knew they understood who he was. But her…. he had the impression she did not know him or what he was. Normally he would be offended, but not with her. She was special. His kitten. 

 With a grunt, he heaved himself off the couch to return to his brothers. At this point they probably figured he had abruptly left or been abducted. Depending on the brother, abduction might be preferable.  

 *****

 "Ivar! There you are!" Ubbe exclaimed, lifting his glass up as Ivar rounded the corner to enter their secluded area. "We were beginning to think you had somewhere more important to be."

 The youngest Ragnarson rolled his eyes as he dropped down onto the couch near Hvitserk. 

 "Who called?" Hvitserk asked, looking at Ivar over his glass. 

 Before answering or meeting the questioning looks of his three brothers, Ivar reached forward and grabbed his beer he had left behind and quickly drained it. Once done, he rolled the cup momentarily between his hands before speaking. "Mother."

 "And what could she possibly want now?" Sigurd drawled, an arm slung over his latest girlfriend. Ivar no longer even tried to remember their names, they were exchanged so often. 

 "Sigurd…." Ubbe reprimanded, giving him a side-glance before looking back at Ivar. His harlot girlfriend, Margrethe, leaned against his side, hand tracing patterns on his thigh. 

 The raven-haired brother sighed before straightening.  "She said she's coming to visit next week."

 Sigurd dropped his head back dramatically onto the back of the couch with a groan while Ubbe solemnly nodded and took a sip of his drink. Margrethe grimaced and muttered something under her breath that caused Ubbe to look sharply down at her. Only Hvitserk seemed unphased by the news, eyes meeting Ivar's for a brief moment before looking back over to watch those on the dance floor. 

 Ivar himself had mixed emotions when it came to his mother. He undoubtedly loved her the most out of anyone in the world. Her presence could also feel strangling at times.  

 "So," Hvitserk started with a smirk on his face, his gaze shifting to Ivar once again, "you going to tell us what took you so damn long to get back? I doubt the phone call took that long."

 Ivar narrowed his eyes at his brother. He knew his brother was playing a game with him and if the smirk said anything, Hvitserk knew why he had taken so long to return to their couches. "Fuck off, Hvitty."

 His brother chuckled while the others around the table looked on in confusion. 

 "Someone care to explain…." Ubbe said. 

 "No." For some reason Ivar found himself not wanting to talk about her. He had heard on more than one occasion how his brothers talked and compared their conquests. Ivar never joined those conversations, not because he was ashamed but he liked his privacy. 

 "Ah, come on, Ivar. She was beautiful, even if I could only really see the tight grip you had on her ass while she straddled you…. hell of an ass." Hvitserk teased. 

 Ivar slammed his glass down on the table, making the table and other glasses rattle precariously. "You say another damn word and I'll break your fucking jaw."

 His second eldest brother raised his hands in a show of surrender but the mischief in his eyes let Ivar know their conversation was not over yet. 

 "What? Ivy found himself a girl?" Sigurd scoffed. "Probably had to pay her to suck his cock."

 "Shut the fuck up." Ivar snarled. 

 "Enough, you two." Ubbe rubbed a hand down his face in exasperation. He glanced over at his youngest brother. "Care to explain?"

 Ivar was not stupid; he could see the intrigue in his eldest brother's face but it did nothing to move him. Instead he leaned back, and turned his gaze to look over the dance floor below. Soon a new conversation started up amongst his brothers but he paid no mind. His attention was on thoughts of her once again.

 "You get her number?" Hvitserk asked quietly after a while. Sigurd had disappeared with his girlfriend while Ubbe and Margarthe were talking and fondling one another. 

 "Does it matter?" Ivar retorted with a devious smirk. That answer made Hvitserk laugh out loud. The youngest Ragnarson had the uncanny ability to find someone when he put his mind to it. On more than one occasion their father had used that talent to find someone that had crossed him. 

 "Hey, ignore Siggy and Ubbe. She seemed into you. Try and get in touch with her, but for fuck's sake, don't stalk her." The two chuckled at that before Hvitserk turned serious again. "What was her name? Or were you too busy getting her off to ask?"

 He mock-glared before looking away. Out of all his brothers, he was definitely closest to Hvitserk. He was the most cool-headed out of all of the Lothbroks and quiet. He was slow to anger but did not shy away from unleashing his fury and bloodlust when the time called for it. Ever since they were children, somehow the two of them clicked compared to any of the other brothers. The second eldest also seemed able to pick up Ivar's moods with ease and knew when to leave the volatile Lothbrok alone. 

 After several silent seconds, Ivar finally whispered. "Kari." Even her name tasted sweet on his tongue. Surveying the club, he promised himself that he would find her. By the gods, he would see her once again and have her. For even if he did not want to admit it fully to himself, he was already addicted to her taste and touch and the mystery about her. And he had never been known to give up on something that fascinated him….and she was no exception.

[blxckdamask]

Trashcan’s Fic Rec: July ‘19

i know this is really late but i was busy so i couldnt really get this done. an yway,,, yall know the drill by now,, this has a bunch of bnha (mostly bkdk) and some rairpairs aswell as some drarry, odaat and b99.

BNHA Fics:

{bakudeku}

Roadmap of Our Lives by erza_mikazuki | 4k | 1/1| nsfw | emotional sex | body worship | scars | fluffy smut is my shit ngl

When Izuku's insecurities about his scarred body hit him full throttle, Katsuki is there to show Izuku just how beautiful scars can be.

4 AM Inquiry by SecretKiwi | 3k | 1/1 | established relationship | marriage proposal | fluff | this fic is how im tryna be 

Katsuki's reflection above the sink stared back. Eyes still drowsy with a hint of a shadow beneath them. Hair more of a mess than he would prefer, but he was plenty awake now.

All because of Deku.

~

Katsuki reflects at 4 am.

Happy Pride by PrinceTriscuit | 2k | 1/1 | getting together | gay fluff | coming out | wholesome 

Pride has always had a special place in Midoriya Izuku's heart.

Love For a Friend by Jessica14 | 2k | 1/1 | magic au | ghost izuku | protective bakugou | angst with a happy ending | idk how to summarize the tags just read it its so fucking good

"I trusted you and you had me murdered!” Midoriya wailed, anguished. Bakugou twitched focusing on the spell that made him capture Midoriya's soul.

“Shut up! You got yourself killed!”

“I didn't! You said you had my back and I thought you had it! But you didn't! Kacchan! My body!” Midoriya cried as he watched Bakugou lug his limp body through the forest.

This is what happens when Bakugou tries to become best friends with Midoriya again.

Say It Again by bkdkwritingsdump | 2k | 1/1 | angst | quirk mishap | angry izuku | established relationship | guilty bakugou 

Katsuki doesn't know what's wrong with Izuku. Is he mad? What is he mad about? What did Katsuki do!? All he knows is that he can't let Izuku break up with him. Not while they're still keeping their relationship a secret.

Or

Izuku forces Katsuki to apologize for everything he's ever done to hurt him.

Best Friends by artindistress | 13k | 2/2 | fem!deku | best friends au | getting together | minor izuchako | fluff | friends to lovers | this shit is so fluffy im in love

Bakugou and Midoriya have been best friends since... well, since either of them could remember. But both harbor unspoken feelings for the other, will this be an end to their friendship?

Foster-Mates by bkdkwritingsdump | 32k | 15/15 | hybrids au | cat!katsuki & dog!izuku | getting together | tw past abuse | tw self harm | angst | angst with a happy ending | eventual nsfw 

Izuku, a dog hybrid, has lived with his owner Toshinori, a retired hybrid psychologist, his whole life. He takes on some of the shelter’s most difficult cases as fosters, and so Izuku has learned to be the best foster-mate possible for scared and abused hybrids. At first, Katsuki, a cat hybrid who’s been kept in a tiny apartment nearly his whole life, seems just like any of the other awful cases they’ve seen, but somehow, Izuku and him grow a lot closer than usual over the course of his stay. Eventually, the question becomes: could he stay forever?

bellflowers by vannral | 15k | 4/4 | hanahaki disease au | getting together angst | angst with a happy ending | unrequited love (kinda) | eventual fluff

“Izuku knows what the Hanahaki does. He knows what his options are, and sure, they aren’t great. In fact, they’re pretty horrible. The list is short and daunting. There are still flower petals on his pillow."

In which Izuku has Hanahaki Disease, and Katsuki's furious.

TFW Your Roommate Brings a Baby Home by Hotshott (Artemystic) | 5k | 1/1 | friends to lovers | fluffy fluff | baby used as a plot device | this is just pure fluff guys its great 

And you're crushing on him, and he's just so cute, and the baby's cute, and what's a guy to do, anyway?

family dinners by luciimariiellii | 1k | 1/1 | family fluff | friends to lovers | pining for days | this is so cute i love 

Ever since they were little, Izuku and Katsuki’s families have had family dinners. It’s just them and their parents, and that’s fine. Until more people get dragged in. (And try to set Izuku and Katsuki up.)

for twinstars week day four - family

{todobaku}

cold, hot and so damn soft by orphan_account | 7k | 1/1 | established relationship | light angst | fluff | romance 

It started from a normal evening to a small argument that made them go on vacation that made Katsuki realize that he wanted something more from Shouto.

The Shitty Parents Squad (series) by YinYangZodiac | 8 works | 15k | tw child abuse | tw domestic abuse | caring characters | ooc kinda | this is very soft but very sad and im so in love with this series 

Bakugou, Denki, Midoriya, Momo and Todoroki all end up in a McDonald's one early morning. A suggestion of a movie and a credit card reveal later and the teens are off to spend the day together.

They all know that it's Todoroki's father's credit card, but none of them care.

Eyes Aren't Always Windows To The Soul by Alienqueen42, TheLibrarian9 | 1k | 1/1 | deaf!bakugou & blind!todoroki | emotional hurt/comfort | heavy angst | light fluff | getting together 

Bakugo and Todoroki both find themselves living together with disabilities, helping each other get by. In doing so, they fall in love.

{rairpairs & other ships} 

staring into our bright future by wonduhhwoman | kacchako | 9k | 1/1 | quirk mishap | future and present uraraka swap bodies | established relationship | developing relationship | fluff 

“You haven’t changed at all, have ya?” he observed, pinching her cheek affectionately.

Ochako batted his hand away from her cheeks for the second time that morning, wondering if he had a thing for them. “That doesn’t even make any sense, Bakugou. I’m from the past. Of course I haven’t changed.”

“Makes perfect sense,” Bakugou countered, closing his teeth around a bite of eggs. “You were doing this same shit yesterday morning.”

-

My entry for the day 2 prompt of Kacchako week: otherworldly.

Five Times his Service Dog helps Shinsou and One Time Bakugou does by SupaKawaiiDesu | bakushin | 7k |1/1 | tw panic attacks and disorders | hoh!bakugou | fluff | college au | strangers to friends to lovers | fluff | light angst | fluffy shit we fuckin stan this rairpair

Bakugou watches with something akin to affection when Shinsou starts playing with his dog until she jumps all around him and is barking excitedly. He has never seen the both of them so content before. The Sergeant is always so concentrated at College grounds, either that or she’s calm but still looking out for him. Bakugou has seen them during lectures, at lunch at their usual table, during their ways to Bakugou’s dorm and to Shinsou’s apartment off campus, he has seen them through their late-night-skyping sessions and in countless pictures on Sergeant Barkowitz’ Instagram. He has seen their best but not their worst, and that makes Bakugou wonder if he’ll ever be such a great companion to Shinsou like the Sergeant is.

A Hero's Goodbye by Gentle_Love_9 | erasermic | 1k | 1/1 | death fic | major angst | somehow fluffy as well?? | bitches i cried so fuckin hard when i read this omf

"Shouta could have never imagined reaching this point in his life. He honestly expected to die at some point when he was younger, alone somewhere in an alleyway, killed in action during his hero work maybe."

Instead he's in a warm hospital bed and surrounded by some of the people he cares most about.

On These Unsteady Legs by Spider_Lilly | erasermic | 4k | 1/1 | shinsou and eri centric | hurt/comfort | angst with a happy ending

Shinsou Hitoshi had never had a family before, and he refuses to screw it up. But when a villain attacks him and his new little sister, he may have lost the only family he's ever had.

We love and respect Bakugou in this house (series)  by Bakudont_be_weird | bakudabi | 5 works | 54k | tw rape/non-con | abo | alpha!dabi & omega!bakugou | very nsfw | stockholm syndrome | mpreg | fucked up fluff | angst with somewhat of a happy ending ig | ngl this ship is suppose to be fucked up and problematic but this series is really fucking good if you're into fucked up fics

Bakugou never wanted to be mated. Especially not to a villain but it didn't look like he had any choice in the matter. The only question now was: will he ever escape?

OR,

The author loves Bakugou and loves to make him suffer so Dabi kidnaps him and forces our favourite blasty boy to become his mate. It goes from bad to good to bad and back to good.

Days in a Crucible by doop_doop | bakuiida | 40k | 9/9 | kidnapping | emotional hurt/comfort | getting together | developing relationship | acquaintances to lovers | mentions of past todobaku | ptsd

While working together as pro heroes, Iida, Bakugou and Todoroki are taken captive. The situation is strange: none of their Quirks work, and they aren’t tortured or killed – in fact, they never see their captors. There is nothing to do but wait.

Things are tense between the three of them, but Iida finds the situation bringing him closer to Bakugou than he thought possible. But who knows how this will change things between when they get out…

Pet Names by BluePlanetTrash | bakuiida | 4k | 2/? | quirk mishap | ooc | flufffffffff | overuse of petnames | #LetBakugouBeSweet2k19 | iida calls bakugou sugar and thats all that matters

Quirk: Infatuation - The user of this quirk affects two people by touching them at the same time, they then fall into a state of infatuation with each other; they could be affected by this for up to a week.

Iida and Bakugou get affected by an infatuation quirk that makes them be sweet to each other. So sweet, that it could give you cavities. Warning: This story will contain an excessive amount of pet names, hence the title.

Other Fandoms Fics: 

Portrait of a Young Girl by trishjames | drarry | 8k | 1/1 | established relationship | trans!teddy | internalised homophobia | family feels | light angst with a happy ending

Recently married, Harry and Draco are tasked with raising a four-year old Teddy, whose emerging gender identity brings up an array of questions, fears, and revelations for them when they realise that Teddy might be transgender.

Over the Moon and Up the Duff by hdmpregmod | drarry | 4k | 1/1 | established relationship | mpreg | fluff | harry is a little shit

When Draco learns he's pregnant again, he blames his husband. Harry, however, couldn't be happier.

Boyfriends From College by Impossibly_Izzy | peraltiago | 1k | 1/1 | bi!jake | established peraltiago | jake dated schneider and john mulaney | self discovery 

Jake dated two guys in college, but doesn't realise until he introduces one of them to Amy.

broken compass, still moving forward by confessionofaking | odaat (no pairing) | 1k | 1/1 | trans!schneider | coming out | misunderstandings | trans schneider stans come get yalls juice

The family learns a secret about Schneider

lemongrass and sleep, apple juice and peach by riverblujay | odaat (no pairings) | transgirl!alex | self discovery | coming out | syd is a great friend 

alex said the far scarier sentence that at the same time was more comforting than anything the teenager had ever heard before. “she,” alex mumbled under his- no, her- breath, voice beginning to choke up, “was sitting on her bed, in her room. her,” he- she, she- sighed and spoke just a little louder, just a little surer. “her name is alex, and she’s a girl.” alex smiled to herself, so small it was probably barely considered one. she didn’t care; she finally felt whole.

or: in another world, elena isn't the only alvarez daughter (but it takes alex some time to figure that out)

[kariachi]

Okay, so, since I said we needed more stuff with Kevin being his golddigger self, figured I should lead the charge. Just a bit on the topic.

~~

The Tennysons weren’t coming to the wedding, which wasn’t surprising given they hadn’t come to the last three either on a range of moral grounds from ‘how could you use them like this’ to ‘how could you break Gwen’s heart getting married so soon after you broke up’.

Kevin still didn’t understand that last one- she’d broken up with him. They’d had a fight, he’d failed to bend to accommodate her, and she’d left him for it. It’d been heartbreaking at first, but he’d picked himself up by his bootstraps, reminded himself that really, between her shit and her family’s he hadn’t been seeing the sort’ve returns he would’ve wanted, and moved the fuck on with his life. Not a healthy way of viewing things, he’d been informed, but he had bills coming out his ass. Mortgages to pay, heaps medical bills to pay on both sides of the family, projects to fund, Sid to support (because fuck his pride, he was not starving to death in a cardboard box on the side of the road), family companies to back, loved ones to spoil, and a whole host of charities who deserved more than the few dollars a year he was able to throw their way at the time. People could bitch all they wanted, this was simple financial good sense.

He didn’t know how they’d thought they could throw accusations at him anyway for the first one. Jen’d been over forty at the wedding and he’d been only days into twenty, but yeah, he was the shitbag in the room. Had been a complete disaster of a woman, that one. Not a heart in her damn chest, but thankfully also not a brain in her fucking skull. What sort’ve moron agreed to no pre-nup? What sort’ve moron agreed to no pre-nup, let their husband set up a security system with video and audio, then proceeded to be a right piece of shit? Kevin’d put up with her for two years and waved off offers of murder thrice before gathering up all those tapes, picking a lawyer, and divorcing her on grounds of abuse.

When he was done she was back to the nothing she’d had before that lottery ticket, his mother’s house was paid off, and everyone in the family who needed a home had one.

The Tennysons hadn’t known exactly how to feel about the whole mess and settled on being glad he was out of that relationship and disapproving of everything else.

Jeff had also been a mess of a person, though thankfully a more condescending one than an aggressive one. Again, family and friends had offered to put him in his place and again Kevin had waved them off. He wasn’t a stupid man, he thought through these things, and by the third date he’d known that with the way the man behaved there was no way he was going to be alive more than four years. And he’d been right. After four years three months and twenty-two days of putting up with his bullshit an officer had shown up at one of Kevin’s garages with the sad news that one of Jeff’s employees had walked into his office and put fourteen bullets into his skull.

Kevin’d upped everyone’s wages and benefits, made some quality-of-life changes to company policy, and with the still-sizable profits from the business set up the sort’ve trust funds that made sure his kin and pack would never have to worry about medical expenses again.

This time the poor, naïve Tennysons had assumed he was done. A net value of a couple million dollars- or ‘too much money for one person’ as Ben had once put it, apparently not getting the hint that Kevin wasn’t just hoarding it like a fucking dragon, or noticing that he himself was worth like three times what Kevin was and looking to build a fucking Plumber base as personal home- as a result of two godawful relationships that honestly probably hadn’t done his mental health any good. They hadn’t. That hadn’t stopped him already having another man lined up by the time the ink was dry on the death certificate. A couple million would mostly take care of his family, mostly, for a decent while, but he intended to never have to worry about money again. Or at least not for the next generation or two of cousins.

As it was, there’d been maybe four months between Jeff’s death and his marriage to Daniel and he was still wearing that one’s ring. He hadn’t been perfect, he was seventy-two and marrying a twenty-seven-year-old, but he also had been the only one to go into the marriage with not only a perfect understanding of why Kevin was there, but also a perfect and honestly happy understanding of it. He was old, literally dying, and watching his loved ones circle like vultures, if a handsome young man wanted to be his spouse for the rest of his life he was cool with that. And actually cordial, and affectionate, and respectful. This was the sort’ve man you looked for as a golddigger and Kevin had spent those four years with Jeff looking. His grandchildren had been uncomfortable with the whole thing- which Kevin completely understood- and his children had been a nightmare- honestly, he was glad to be rid of them- but he’d been worth nearly every minute they’d had together before he died, peacefully in bed.

Despite his stepchildren’s attempts (which, really, they’d already been getting the majority of Danny’s money and property, it wasn’t like he was stealing their birthrights out from under them) his niblings and younger cousins had gotten the assurance of affording whatever schooling they wanted and a handful of charities for mutants, the homeless, and the disabled had all gotten sizeable donations, and still there was enough to work with.

And still the Tennysons were huffing, even though by that point pretty much everyone else had accepted the way things were or walked away. They did come to the funeral though, which was appreciated- Kevin had actually liked him enough to need the support.

So now here they were, with Kevin scheduling future fittings for this, his fourth wedding in twelve years. He was making good time and good profits. This one seemed like it’d be a long one though. There didn’t seem to be any imminent death, or clear grounds for divorce, and with a baby on the way he was wanting to kick back for a while. The pre-nup had already been drawn up with this in mind, with a ten-year span before getting anything worth while in a divorce was an option. Kevin figured it wasn’t something to worry too much about, after all he hadn’t needed to have Jeff killed himself but if worst came to worst murder was still an option on the table. The Tennysons would be pissed, but they already were. Just hoped anything like that would come out in the next few years, so he didn’t have to worry about traumatizing the baby.

Other than that, well, he was ready to see what sort’ve returns he got out of this.

[prettylittlelyres]

She Has No Name (update)

I’m going to sleep now, but I’ve just passed 1,600 words for the day, bringing my Camp NaNoWriMo total to 23,680, and my full wordcount for She Has No Name up to 37,684. And I’m extra-happy because my friend’s coming to stay with me for the next few days, and it’s been two years since we’ve seen each other. I’m very excited!

Here’s a celebratory excerpt! (continued below the cut with a Tiffany-esque show of massive patronising foolery, based on my own experience of being reduced to an “inspirational!!!” disabled person (fibromyalgia and lax joints among other things, hooray))

Tiffany hammers on Rosie’s door. “Rosie? Rosie! Open the door; I need to talk to you!” When there’s no answer—because of course there isn’t—she thumps her fist against the wooden panelling. “Rosie!”

“She’s not in her room,” I say, smiling and folding my arms, and knowing exactly how smug I must look, and not caring at all. “She’s in my room, with Suzette. We were going to have tea together.”

“Who’s Suzette?”

I roll my eyes. “You know who Suzette is. Come on. Follow me, if you’re so keen to get yourself proven embarrassingly wrong.” I knock on my bedroom door, and push it open as Tiffany stamps along in my wake.

“Hey, guys, it’s me,” I sign, poking my head in, “Rosie, Tiffany wants a little word with you.”

“Ooh, a little word,” Rosie signs, bugging her eyes as if that’s something very scandalous indeed. She leans forward on the bed, craning her neck to see Tiffany standing behind me in the corridor. “What’s up?” she asks (in English).

“Celeste’s being a massive bitch,” Tiffany says, as if I’m not there, with my CIs switched on. I turn my head just enough to read her lips, without her noticing that’s what I’m doing, as she continues, “She says I’m making it up about my ankle hurting, and that I should go back to the doctor, even though they treated me like crap at the hospital. And you know they did, and you know what it’s like to be disabled, so can you? Can you back me up? Because you’re the only one who understands…”

Rosie narrows her eyes. “I understand what it’s like to be disabled from a condition I’ll have my whole life,” she replies slowly, “And know it’s never going to go away. I don’t know what it’s like to be an otherwise-healthy person with a twisted ankle. But if it’s still hurting, I agree with Celeste: you really should go back to the doctor.”

Yes, Rosie! Yes! I am going to buy your ice cream next time we go out, you absolute delight! Yes!

Tiffany gasps. “But, Rosie, you of all people should know what I’m dealing with, here! You how hard it is to get to the doctor when you can’t walk,” she says, “And I know you get out and about anyway—and, honestly, you’re such an inspiration, doing that even when you’re broken—but it’s hard, isn’t it?”

“It’s not that hard to get on the bus,” Rosie replies, “Especially on days when I have my walking sticks, not my wheelchair. It means I don’t have to put up with a snitty bus driver. I get on the bus, and I go places, just like everyone else. I don’t see how that’s “inspirational”.”

“No, but it is!” Tiffany gushes, “How you do everything that everyone else does, even though you’re in so much pain, and you go through so much, just to get out of bed in the morning. It’s incredible!”

Rosie grinds her teeth. “No, what’s incredible is how patronising you’re being. If you want to call me inspirational, point out something I’m actually proud of every time I do it. Getting A-stars across the board at A’ level? Five of them? I’m proud of that. Coming in with top grades every time I submit an assignment here? I’m proud of that. Learning enough BSL since I came to uni that I can have conversations with Celeste and Suzette? I’m proud of that! Getting out of bed in the morning? Yeah, OK, it’s nice when I can; it’s a relief, sure. But, some days, I can’t. And I know that. So why would I set myself up to feel like a failure by making it a point of pride to get up and dressed every morning? Don’t call me an inspiration for doing what I feel is the bare minimum, not when you won’t even mention my actual achievements.”

[alyjojo]

20 memories & isms I love about you.

1. He sent me flowers at work. Twice 🥰

2. He left work to help me fix my tire, outside my ex’s house. Never drove on a highway before that day. (no I shouldn’t have dated the guy, but that particular Gemini is the asc degree of our composite chart, he’s the reason we ever met at all, and hubby is the reason we broke up so...lesson learned)

3. He made me eat his mom’s food. Not only that but excitedly. He’d be like “mom is making hot spaghetti and you’re gonna come over and have some”...I’d say no thx 20 times but he wasn’t hearing it. Hot spaghetti day. I felt weird having someone’s mom cook for me. She probably felt weird too tbh, but he was so over the top happy about mom, food, and me, that it didn’t seem to matter and worked out fine 😆

4. He’s so forward, and bold as hell. I’m irritatingly shy and very guarded. Literally the only way he got me was because he’d act before I could really even think about it or think myself out of it. Winners mind.

5. He moved me into his moms house. I was not ok. Not not not. My pride is...well it exists, and burns like fire whenever help is given. I will never ask in all my life and idc, feels better that way. Will gladly die first. My rotors were broken though (I could write a book just about car problems fr), I needed two and it was gonna take awhile. I’d be in the city and he’d be way out there. He’s like nah. You stay. He insisted...and I stayed. Staying was not a me thing, he changed that.

6. He gave me a baby. After all of the years I didn’t have periods, needed pills to have a normal body, all of the times I talked myself out of that sort of life altogether because I clearly didn’t have the guy (ex was not a kid guy) or the working body parts to even do that, must not be for me. First time in our new apartment, boom baby.

7. First time in our slightly bigger and nicer apartment, boom baby 2. We started actually using protection after she was born. Clearly we can.

8. He worked stupidly long hours and put up with so many people that just had no fn clue, it put a strain on everything, most of all him. When he got the offer for Indy, I pushed it. And pushed it. And pushed. May as well have pushed him right out the door, we were going, because those people suck and you’ll never get the chance to be seen while you’re doing that glorified delivery guy’s job for him. We’re going. So, we did, and he got me out of this damn state. At least once.

9. He loved getting lost with me, and it was my favorite thing. Indiana is a beautiful state and I encourage anyone to get lost there, on purpose.

10. I forgot work. He caused some serious change. Everyone else lost their job, including hubby’s favorite person ever, Jonathan. Today he’s the sole survivor of a mom and pop shop, and I’m so unbelievably proud of him. The best part though, is two of the guys from work used to come see me at my new work all the time, with all their bar bitches 😆 They were my favorite people, I was always so excited to see them. Hubby tried to get them back on, and did for one of them. And when the bigger boss needed a new smaller boss bc hubby was leaving the state, hubby fought like hell for Jonathan. Like Highlander, there can only be one *sksksksksksk* They looked at a couple and hubs was like no only Jon knows the ways of the force. They hired him back, Jon has sent him some of the sweetest thank you messages...it changed his life, and hubs still loves him very much. It’s adorable.

11. Screamy baby Shmoo, she was a screamy baby, and so very beautiful. Baby Bam was like a dream, she was the perfect baby in every way. My screamy baby Shmoo was also a perfect baby, with a pitch that could break glass and sometimes she just wanted to practice for hours. Usually I got her to bed with mama snuggles & milk, singing Alison Krauss and rocking. Sometimes though, on the roughest nights, it’d be over an hour before I’d open the door with screamy baby still in a fit, and he’d take her. He’s so warm and calm, he’d win every single time, and I’d be like...zzzzz tysm ily tyty zzzz....

12. His jokes. He’s not funny (yes he is don’t tell him). He thinks he’s funny. He jokes all day every day about everything always. The girls know when dad says something to be skeptical bc he said they gotta go outside and till the land with tiny shovels, and when I roll my eyes they know he’s full of it. What’s funnier, his mom was the kind of person that took things literally always. Every time him and his goofy dad were being sarcastic, I’d have to tell her that because they’d have her believing crazy stuff. My kids share a lot of her isms, that’s one. My son absolutely does not joke, he is quite literal (so far), and I always have to scold hubby or tell lil guy nooooo he’s kidding. I don’t talk about his silliness nearly enough and I should, that’s him ❤️

13. His relationship with his mom. His mom was always on the...I wouldn’t say weaker side, but older, regular pain, on disability. He was her BABY. Her eyes lit up like Christmas when he entered the room. She loves him so so much. His sister... You know the kind, or...just imagine, probably close. He hated it. He got his job pretty young and just kept it. Always had money, always offered to help his mom, always was like IM FINE MOM. She just wanted to do for him, and he’s always been the kind of guy that wants to do for himself. And she was so funny, she’d slip $20 into the diaper bag and tell me “don’t tell him”, putting it on me. So we’d get in the car. And I’d be like there’s $20 in the diaper bag, knowing he’s gonna be pissed if he finds it (she needs it). And he’d get it, run into the house, set it on her table, and run out the door while she ran after him hollering protests 😆 Lots of other stories too. I miss her so much, I can’t even imagine how much he must.

14. His relationship with his sister, and other whirlwind people. He’s like a rock. I’ve spent lots of time with his sister, but not at once. The one day I did, I came home and my brain was so full of her bazillion ideas and impulsive let’s do this and just one thing, opposite thing, different subject, back to the subject, hey let’s do this, omg I have an idea. I love her to death but I had to sit and just...dump my brain. Ask myself for my own input bc I’d lost wtf...what were we doing again?!? Him though? Doesn’t miss a beat. No...no...no...I’ll think about it...no...no..change subject. No issue saying no. Back then I was like thank god, girl would have me on a cruise to Aruba tomorrow with costume jewelry and black face before I could even think to protest. Not him.

15. Making up. The difference between Taurus moon and Sag moon is that Taurus moon stays mad for the rest of their lives (hello...) and Sag moon wakes up in the morning like nothing happened in the history of ever. This was something that irritated me THE MOST. Don’t make me laugh, I’m pissed at you. Over the years, it became the only way we’d talk at all sometimes. Is certainly the only reason we made up, countless times. He never stopped trying to make me smile, even if I wanted nothing to do with it.

16. Acts of Service. Is not mine, which is either words time or touch and I really can’t decide which. All. He speaks a whole other language. He will let me nap, or take the kids somewhere, he will spontaneously clean or go grocery shopping, walk the dog, mow the lawn, hang out at the birthday party. It didn’t start right away, more and more as he learned my isms. He’ll make me coffee as I’m coming down the stairs. I rarely have to ever ask for any practical thing. He knows my orders for anything, recently there’s been twice that he literally read my mind before I spoke. I try to do the same for him as much as I can, because I know that’s his language and I really appreciate him.

17. Bedroom games. The man knows my body like a map, no, an Excel spreadsheet 😭, and how to get every reaction he’s looking for. He is the only man to ever satisfy my insatiable ass. He made me a whole new person in that regard. He says the same about me. Never an issue there. It’s this far down the list cuz it’s not the most important, but it’s pretty important too so there that is.

18. We share the same goals. We judge the same way, like why did they wrap this like that it looks sketchy. We parent the same. We decide the same. We critically think and weigh ideas the same. We walk the same line in the same direction. If anything he’s too negative sometimes, but that’s his own personal thing. Can’t be full of Capricorn and not lean more toward pessimism (not “realism”) sometimes I think. If it’s worth it, I’ll try to coax him to middle ground. Sometimes it’s a battle, but only if I’m really sure. Usually, he’s right, so I just let him lead.

19. When I was pregnant with my son. Initially. It was hell. His car was trashed, mine was broken and thousands of dollars to fix (this particular car in this particular year has this and what a coincidence it was particularly my problem...cars, I’m telling ya). I was two feet out the door with his shit, but his sister’s issues led to my heart. Because her kids. I love them very much, of course they can stay here and not with some strange person hell no. I cannot describe how angry I was at him. HE strapped backpacks onto his back and walked to the nearest store. Hauled so much crap in a huge backpack and just his arms. Over the course of two months. He quit drinking. He went above and beyond to do get offer or provide anything I could even imagine. More romantic then I think I’d ever seen him before. At least...it had been some time anyway. Of course...he was lying to me. The whole time. To what extent idk. Regarding the work shit, idk. Thus the question and the dream and the crazy and the...crazy 😞 Wanted to piss me off boy he got that tenfold. His actions during this time period are 💯 why I stayed. He was clearly trying like hell to prove to me he could try, and it’s more than anyone I’ve ever known has even bothered to “bother” with. I was impressed, and proud. Respect counts for a lot more than love sometimes, and at the time I respected him.

20. He’s an amazing father. There are so many stories I couldn’t possibly write them all. Our son though, he chose daddy, right from the start. Nothing like our daughters, nor any kid I’d known. He’d scream, FOR his dad. He’d only sleep on his shoulder. Hubby held this baby for hours on end. If he didn’t baby would demand it, but it was very natural to them both. Baby wanted a bottle, and hubby to give it to him. It blew my mind. Hubby got his little teammate and together they’ve changed my life and perspective in ways I couldn’t have ever imagined.

I’ve spent so long sporadically venting on here that I don’t think I’ve ever posted the sweet things. So many great memories and daily...everything...are missing, so many years and little moments. That would take forever. Its always been my frustrations, which was the purpose. This is my heart. No matter what happens, all of these things will always be true.

[obaewankenope]

Yesterday I was talking with my mother about things in the car (namely her relationship) and we ended up, somehow, talking about the fact that people in relationships aren’t ‘meant’ to be interested in other people; ie not meant to look at someone who might be aesthetically pleasing/sexy/pretty-in-general.

Now, as a mostly aromantic asexual, I of course have a mild issue with this.

I like to look at people (not in a sexual way but in a general “ooh, human being, nice outfit, I like those colours, they match so well omg” kinda way). I also appreciate people for their bodies, as I’m sure pretty much everyone on the planet does in some way, shape, or form. For me it’s more aesthetics; nice hair, lovely proportions, a nice smile, that sort of thing.

(FYI, this applies to all people, abled or disabled, etc etc)

Anyway, I ended up trying to point out to my mother that, no there’s not really anything wrong with looking so long as you’re respectful about it (and by ‘respectful’ I mean, don’t frickin drool or start with lewd comments to someone who really isn’t interested; basic decency, people, it’s really neat to employ in all situations). I mean, I mentioned the fact that I think our farrier is pretty cute (“cute butt” is actual phrase I used jokingly because, well, if any of you have horses, ya’ll know; it’s usually the butt of the farrier you see most of the time haha) as well as the fact that one of the girls on the yard is pretty cute too. Her response is probably going to stick with me for a long time because, not even five minutes beforehand, she’d essentially casually dismissed my very understanding and experience with relationships (which, granted, is not a lot haha…ha). Anyway, what she said in response to both those observations of cuteness by myself was:

“Well you would”                                                

Which… really? I mean, I get that she doesn’t really understand anything other than straight and gay. I know she’s like “oh I know gay people” which comprises of me, my now bi friend, my darling polyspouses on here and like… two other people her own age. So she doesn’t really know gay people, she knows the conception and her very limited experiences of lgbt individuals. I mean, she’s not a fan of lesbians because one tried to hit on her once, like thirty years ago, (and even though she emphasises that the woman apologised a lot and everything, she still avoids anyone who’s openly lesbian). She doesn’t like me having male friends (which sucks for her bc that’s essentially all I had for like five years ahahaha) unless they’re gay, but she also doesn’t like the idea that I might want to date anyone female because, in her words “women are bitches and way worse than any guy you could date”.

So, the day I told her, “oh I’m asexual” and explained that it meant I’m essentially not big on the sex, she was fucking ecstatic. You’d think she’d won the lottery or sth.

Of course, now that I’m in a poly relationship with my beautiful spouses, and have had some experiences in relationships (I mean, I really have dated in the past, I just… don’t find it a necessity for existence which is weird apparently idk), both romantic and physical, the fact that she’s constantly coming to me asking for relationship advice (which she doesn’t heed at all btw; sorry mother, lying to your partner tends to bite you in the ass one day, jsyk), the tables have turned.

I’ve had her dismiss my advice because “well you’ve never been in a relationship before” and also “I’m not just talking about sex” when discussing her relationship. It’s like she has this fundamental lack of understanding that relationships aren’t about sex and, even if they were, if I loved someone enough to have sex with them, it’d be because I appreciate them that fucking much I’d be willing to engage in something I’m not personally fond of for them.

I mean, I’m ranting now about this (or venting, venting is probably a better word for this), but my original point that I’ve been trying to make in my long-winded, confusing way is this;

I am mostly aromantic asexual.

But mostly doesn’t mean completely.

Biromantic is a good term because gods but I’m absolutely blown away by both men and women.

Panromantic might be better because it’s not the gender/sex that appeals to me.

Sapioromantic is probably best because if you’re a smart cookie (or just generally a witty one) I’m likely adoring you.

Asexual is the best term I’ve found so far because I’m honestly not interested in sex. It’s not something I need. I just need… intimacy.

(And jsyk, if you think sex is the way you get intimacy in a relationship then 1) you’re wrong, 2) a relationship is more than just sex, 3) you can have intimacy in talking, cuddling, holding hands, so many other things as well so sods to you)

Okay, I’m sorry, I’m done. I was planning on making this a big, happy thing with jokes and humour and stuff because it’s pride month but… well, apparently I cannot do that with this. What a surprise.

[the-astral-clocktower]

do all the questions !!

All the questions? Sure, why not? Insomnia is making me its bitch anyway1: How did you choose your name?- originally I was gonna go with Lilith from Borderlands 2 because yes please to her entire aesthetic, but I decided to go with the more "normal person" name Maria. Partly because of the lead singer of In This Moment, Maria Brink (absolutely gorgeous, phenomenal singer, and the Black Widow album helped inspire me to live true to myself), and Lady Maria from Bloodborne (she's got a Tragic Backstory, feel disconnected from family due to traditions/ environment, and has regrets about who sent was). All in all, one is a person I admire to be like and the other feels like I'm looking in a mirror. Both are also women with blonde hair and I think I look damn good as a blonde2: What gives you the most dysphoria? -Facial/ body hair3: Do you have more physical dysphoria or more social dysphoria?- Most of the time, physical dysphoria. Social dysphoria still gets to me because I'm not out to my family and everyone in that group refer to me with childhood nicknames/ my "(grand) son/ nephew." 4: What do you do to perform self-care when you’re feeling dysphoric?- Shower, shave, lie in bed and dissociate while playing mindless games on my phone 5: What was the first time you suspected you were transgender?- this is actually a hard one for me to answer. I was (in a weird/ sad reality) really sheltered as a kid, in the sense that I didn't even know transgender people were a thing until High School. I think part of it started when I began playing runescape in middle school; I chose a female avatar and went with a generic female name whenever someone in game asked for it. For some reason, I really enjoyed being addressed like that but chocked it up to being like 12. Similar thoughts came up again in HS when I was told on several occasions and by several people that I'd make a pretty girl; again, I took it as a compliment and it made me feel really good about myself. Other times were also when I was asked "what would you do if you suddenly woke up as a girl?" my answer was usually "go back to sleep and go try on cute clothes" and also being super jealous of girls at school dances (wanting to wear the gorgeous dresses/ heels/ makeup)6:When did you realize you were transgender?- January of 2014, when I had read on Tumblr about Leelah Alcorn. It was extremely depressing to read her letter and diary entries about her personal life; while reading everything, I kept realizing that I felt almost exactly the same way she did, and by extension that I was also trans7: What is your favorite part of being transgender?- just being able to feel comfortable in my own skin, and also getting to wear all the cute shit I wanted to in HS8: How would you explain your gender identity to others?- the people I have come out to, I simply as them not to use he/him pronouns because I outright don't identify as such. It's pretty simple9: How did you come out? If you didn’t come out, why do you stay in the closet? Or what happened when you were outed?- at first, I only told people when we were able to talk 1 on 1. As I've gotten more comfortable with my identity, I gladly come out to people that I'm comfortable around. I still need to come out at work which I'm avoiding for 2 reasons. The first is that I don't know how open-minded/ accepting my coworkers/ boss are; the second being that I want to get on hormones so that there's no turning back on what I say and how I feel10: What have your experiences with packing or wearing breast forms been?- haven't done anything with breast forms yet, probably gonna be uncomfortable though 11: What are your experiences with binding or tucking?- tucking is a hassle in general. It either falls apart quickly, or I ended up sitting down or walking wrong and hurting myself. 12: Do you pass?- I highly doubt it atm13: What (if any) steps do you want to take to medically transition?- optimally I want the full 9 yards. Hrt, permanent hair removal, SRS, and possibly feminizing facial surgery 14: How long have you been out?- I'd say close to 3 years15: What labels have you used before you’ve settled on your current set?- only he/him and that's due to being oblivious for so long16: Have you ever experienced transphobia?- yes. A lot of internalized transphobia; but there have been a few times where someone will show me something they find funny, and it turns out to be in extremely poor taste17: What do you do when you have to go to the bathroom in public?- I prefer gender neutral bathrooms, so I ended up holding it in for longer than I should18: How does your family feel about your trans identity?- don't know for sure, but probably gonna get disowned to some degree19: Would you ever go stealth, and if you are stealth, why do you choose to be stealth?- I don't plan on being 100% stealth, but I'm also not going to hide anything out of fear. Kinda like Don't Ask Don't Tell, I'll answer truthfully, but I won't go out of my way to explain it all20: What do you wish you could have shared with your younger self about being trans?- "you know those weird thoughts to get from being addressed as a girl and the happy butterflies in your gut? Roll with it, tell someone that you want to see a Dr about it. Be prepared for a ton of BS, it'll be worth it in the end. Stay strong, kid"21: Why do you use the pronouns you use?- mix of "why should I be addressed by something that makes me feel like shit?" and "fuck off with this binary shit"22: Do your neurodivergencies affect your gender?- maybe, I think my gender compounded the divergences that were already there 23: What’s your biggest trans-related fear?- safety. So many trans people are attacked and killed that it makes me hesitant to even bother. But I'm known for being stubborn and having a devil may care attitude 24: What medical, social, or personal steps have you already taken to start your transition?- I've come out to 90% of my friends and I've got a therapist that's willing to write me a letter of recommendation to get me started on HRT. I'm currently looking for a DR in the North Tx area anyone knows one25: What do you wish cis people understood?- gender identity =/ sexual orientation 26: What impact has being trans affected your life?- it's made me rethink how I view issues in the world, but also more cynical 27: What do you do to validate yourself?- look at my ugly mug and the mirror after a hot shower and say "you're a boss and bitch, don't let up now"28: How do you feel about trans representation in media?- we need significantly more accurate portrayals29: Who is your favorite trans celebrity?- off the top of my head, I only know of Laverne Cox, so she's #1 by default 30: Who is the transgender person who has influenced you the most?- Leelah Acorn, the tragedy of her death allowed me to realize why I was so miserable for so long 31: How are you involved with the trans community, IRL or online?- not much, if at all. I'm not super big on communities but that's only due to trust and self image issues 32: How do you see yourself identifying and presenting in 5 years?- hopefully full femme made and keeping NB/ trans femme33: What trans issue are you most passionate about?- my mind is 100% here ATM because it's 4am, so I can't think of anything other than wanting HRT to be more accessible to people instead of having to jump through hoops 34: What advice would you give to other trans people, or what message would you like to share with them?- safety first, pride in oneself second35: How do you feel your gender interacts with your race, disability, class, weight, etc. from the perspective of intersectionality?- I personally don't think it does but that's only because I'm a white person in the 20s36: What, if any, is the difference between your gender identity and your gender expression?- none at all37: Do you feel more masculine, feminine, or neither?- fem/ neither 38: What is your sexual and romantic orientation, and what are your thoughts on it?- only interested in women and NB people. In my head, I like the theory of being with a guy, but feel no sexual attraction to them39: Is your ideal partner also trans, or do you not have a preference?- no preference40: How did/do you manage waiting to transition?- think to myself "next paycheck, I'm gonna find a Dr and get this train moving"41: What is the place (blog, website, forum, IRL space) you get most of your info on being trans or on trans related things?- google, tumblr and reddit42f Do you interact with other trans people IRL?- got a friend that I used to work with at pizza hit who's a trans guy. You know who you are ^.^43: Are you involved in any trans-related activism?- not really, but I do want to get involved