#bit of a vent post I apologize
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cw: unedited
Loser!Reader who can’t quite get socializing down. Can’t quite figure out how to make a joke land, doesn’t know what qualifies as small talk or what is too much detail. Who fidgets in your seat because you doesn’t know what to do with your hands and always looks a little panicked because you don’t know what the right amount of laughter is or now much eye contact is supposed to be used
Toxic!Kyle is the complete opposite. He loves bringing you out. Being a social butterfly he is, why wouldn’t he bring out his sweet little thing? Like a prized horse you stand there and smile as he drags you around. Only to end up on someone's couch sitting there kind of looking like you’re a part of the conversation that’s happening next to you when you haven’t said a word yet.
He knows how others look at the pair of you. So different. You’re something to be met with pinched brows and polite smiles, darting eyes and never quite sitting alone with. Its like everyone can tell theres something just a little bit off about you. Setting off their radars as something odd. Something he is so kind to put up with.
Its like they’re all in on some form of secret language that you aren’t privy to. You say something and you see how Kyle looks over the rim of his glass to one of his buddies. Inside jokes clipping you enough that you know there's something you don’t understand but it’s never enough to actually understand.
You’re his pet project. Someone he’s improved, upped in quality by simply daing you. Yes he loves you, god he does, he loves your niche little references and the way you move your hands when you’re passionate. He loves how you ramble till you’re out of breath and how embarrassed you get when he has to redirect you in a conversation. He loves bringing you out to see you flounder and get so worked up, coming to him with desperate eyes and too shallow of breaths.
You’re tugging at his sleeve trying to prompt him into leaving, trying to whisper about feeling overwhelmed, head on a swivel for every noise, feeling eyes burnt into your skin.. He just brushes you off if you’re lucky. Other times saying “You can’t handle one night out for me? We do everything on your terms, can’t you just do this for me?”
It’s only when you’re holding back tears, panting into your hands outside that he finally joins you. Ushering you into the car, cooing bout how “you should’ve just told him that you were feeling this bad.”
Gets you home and into bed. Cradling your face in his hands while peppering nicotine stained kisses into your skin. “You did so good tonight.” “Wasn’t it fun?” “I’m so glad you came with me.” Stuffed knuckle deep with his fingers as he coaxes an orgasm out of you as a reward.
He doesn’t let you sleep until you’re agreeing with him, nodding your head that you enjoyed yourself. Nerves tugged raw yet he just keeps playing till he gets what he wants. You all mushy and sensitive from the rollercoaster of emotions of the last few hours. Like a puppet with its joints unhinged but still jerking to its strings. Doing anything for his reassurance after you embarrassed him in front of his buddies.
#bit of a vent post I apologize#back to ranting about my ex in the tags;#the shit this boy be saying has be understanding why girls date older guys#loser!reader#kyle gaz garrick#gaz x reader#gaz x you#unedited
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please don’t be sad little sprout, you are loved 🌱 🖤
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#🌱Thank you<33🌱#I guess my latest vent art post made some of you guys worried. I'm sorry ;;n;; )#but I'm alright. well.. kind of? Like I haven't done anything to myself kind of alright?#maybe I should explain bit about my situation but at the same time I don't feel comfortable to open up too much#but simply said it's about doing art as a job and mental health#Things haven't been going well but I am getting help for my mental health#This is all what I will say for now about my situation#I apologize again that I made you guys worried#but I do warn that I might post more vent art if I get enough energy to draw#this is just one way how I deal with my emotions#but if you don't like vent art I suggest to block the words vent and vent art#I remember tumblr has this option somewhere??#and uhh.. I don't really know how to end this post but thank you everyone who has been sending support<33#I might not know how to reply to them but I have read them all and I'm very thankful for all the support what you guys have given me🌱#Thank you🌱#ask#anon#me talking
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#meme#homemade memes#cw dysphoria#trans#bones are stupid#cw dysphoria venting#waiting out current phase of transition changes to happen#(cause I got my dose raised again in april & am waiting for my next two surgeries & continuing tryna build muscle 😔)#hoping it'll get to a point eventually where the affirming bits are overpowering enough to ppl's perception#that I can dress the bits I can't change (like hips) in things that suit them#and do the whole embracing looking trans thing without worrying abt the misgendering#but alas I won't believe in my body's ability to do that until I see it#seeing as I still get lady-ed & unquestioningly she/her-ed 5 years into HRT + post two highly visible surgeries#+ fully dressed in men's clothes + sporting the shortest hair I've ever had -.-#cis ppl learn what transmascs look like & what that means for words you use on them challenge 2024- difficulty level: impossible apparently#I've had several ppl in the last few months that I literally TOLD I am trans/'it's he/him'/was clocked as trans by#who then STILL proceeded to misgender me anyway???#like what more can I do than literally straight up tell you????#I told a clinician who was looking at my knee the other month that I was trans (cause they always ask abt all meds n diagnoses)#and he misgendered me as a trans woman on his report like-#sir I am 5'4" and have a flat chest baby face and facial hair#and I was telling you abt how I've been on HRT for years and have had several Transgender Surgeries#you're a bone doctor you know how bones work and what their limitations are and you have functionning eyes#you should be able to put 2 and 2 together abt how this works even if you've never met a trans person holy fuck#(I wrote a complaint and they amended the report and sent me an apology meanwhile but still like- buddy wtf)
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veep dad comfort art
#veep dad :]#i have Not been well mentally tbh the second im with friends i DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE anyways ill be VENTING A TINY BIT HERE#i need excitement in my life but im like#has no social life#oopsies...!#so i thought yknow what would make me happy rn. My Veep Dad#yea thats it#also ive been struggling with motivations to play ttcc and draw so....#apologies for being in the game less. especially as im in the post game with almost everything done#im usually kinda really goal oriented in games and yeah having no tasks or close friends to play with#im just kinda THERE and getting that initial push to do stuff is very hard#my motivation has just been at an all time zero (again) and it upsets me bc i do wanna do stuff...not bc ohh productivity but bc#i just wanna HAVE FUNNNN#anyways erm.... thanks for listening to my little rant here again. i dont know where else to express this sort of stuff. feels wrong to dum#it on strangers who i know are there for my art but. whatever. yknow#just wish i was more motivated in general but my life is Just Kinda Sad and im an Antisocial Anxious Wreck Dear Cog#senior vice president#sr vp#veep dad#personal tag if i dont wanna main tag....#doodles#traditional art#guz art#toontown
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im ok
tw: death/loss
#I don’t really know how or where else to post this#but#I haven’t really been able to pick up a pen lately#I apologize for all the messages; commissions; and orders I hadn’t had the chance to get to#I lost my grandma and have been fighting a lot of emotions on top of starting at my new job#It’s been heavy but it feels a bit better to vent about it somewhere so here’s better than any haha#but I’m okay though no need to worry or send messages or anything#I’m getting back into the groove a bit. hopefully I’ll be able to post again soon <3#Thank you all for the silly notes I’ve read up on since I logged off tumblr#they made me laugh :)
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Today felt way more relaxing than yesterday. I still didn't enjoy dealing with company today, but at least I didn't have my schedule ruined. I didn't love dealing with everything, but I mean...after tomorrow, they'll be almost gone. And as much as I love my grandfather, I can't say i'm not looking to having the home just become me and my dad again. I wanted to make a post about this a while ago, but I didn't. So i'm sorry about all of that, and i'm going to partially blame it on being distracted by company. Plus, i head up to bed soon. But either way, i'm sorry if i didn't make many posts. I don't know if i'll rectify that tomorrow, but i'll try to just relax and get through dealing with company.
#it's been better today#but i'm still a bit stressed#and i'm sorry if i didn't post much#sigh...#christmas#christmas stress#company#autism#neurodivergent#my thoughts#asd#autistic#adhd#actually autistic#audhd#vent#venting#vents#stressed#overwhelmed#tired#apologies#stress
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Realizing now that I think the reason I don’t like to be in group chats is bcs a while back I was already not big on large servers, but I got invited to a small rp server by two friends. I didn’t know everyone there tho, and I felt from the start like one of the people I didn’t know didn’t like me bcs I felt like she’d ignore me and after I mentioned me and my OC are Korean, she made a comment about how much her character would be destroyed if someone else at Korean food when that came up in a rp (this was the first time she acknowledged me or anything I said). Anyway later she admitted that she did ignore me on purpose bcs she didn’t want me there so now whenever I don’t hear anything from people in discord servers I take that as people not wanting me there bcs that has actually happened
#my posts#vent#kinda? idk#the korean food bit was also crazy#bcs i ended up working up the courage to say that it felt like a microaggression#and when she apologized it felt like. very insincere#and i later found out it was bcs the apology was basically ghostwritten by another person in the server#bcs she refused to actually apologize#this woman was genuinely evil btw#she legit wanted to hire a hitman to kill one of the other people in that server#thank god she was gone. but also fuck her
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ANON FJSAOFJDKFJLAKJFDAF
i don't even dislike bucky as a character i'm just! so very uninterested in the romantic dynamic ppl paint between him & steve it truly inspires nothing within me.
(and! if you're looking to scratch that friends-to-lovers itch 616!stevetony is right! there! or if you're looking to scratch the friends-to-unwilling enemies-to-tentative allies-to-friends-to-lovers itch, again!!! 616!stevetony is serving it at the all-you-can-eat ship dynamic buffet!)
the thing that really soured me on the ship was the fans and i hate to say that bc everyone should get to enjoy what they enjoy! but yeah there's nothing groundbreaking or progressive about a story with two men sharing a meaningful friendship that can be read as having homoerotic subtext.
#obligatory not all fans!! but yeah it can be a bit grating lol#for your safety and mine i will not be posting your asks but i am happy to let you vent in my askbox for a bit <3#i find myself way more drawn to 616!bucky and steve's relationship because can you imagine how fucked up it would be to see#the kid that used to look up to you and fight beside you and whom you took under your wing and tried to protect and FAILED to protect#during the war coming back into your life as a hardened haunted man. how do you forgive yourself for letting him down like that??#how can he ever bring himself to forgive you?? even though you both know that you aren't responsible for all the hurt#you're also the only one willing to bear the burden of apology for any of it#also buckynat in any universe slaps they go hard in mcu 616 1872 ETC (except ults but bucky's got his own thing going on there)#james barnes#anon#signed sealed delivered
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i am So Tired
#certified wally post#vent post#anyway im. so drained emotionally#i feel guilt falling asleep and anxiety waking up because there's always something bad to wake up to#not always from the same person. not always about the same thing. always something though#today i woke up to three different ones#the ocd urge to stay awake until i know for certain everyone else is sleeping so nothing bad can happen overnight#grrrr if this is worded like. not the best or confusing its bc i just woke up LOL#and if any of The Three see this: pls dont apologize or anything im not upset at you ! just. a little bit At My Limit thats a me issue
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the reason so many bad takes are resulting from that ship wars poll, in my opinion, is the same reason a good deal of tumblr discourse just goes bad immediately - because people just cannot let go of their idea what shows they watch or books they read make them somehow morally or intellectually superior to others
people can't just say they want destiel to win because they watched supernatural as a kid and it was really important to them, or they want sulemio to win because the characters really resonated with them, they have to say their vote is a sign that they, as people, are better in some way
No, liking G-Witch does not make you more socially progressive, and no, liking supernatural doesn't make you more intelligent. I don't understand why this is even a premise people are considering?
some people are really eager to find a way to claim superiority or feel like they are improving without actually like. doing anything. I don't think it's a very healthy attitude to have. there isn't any TV show so good that watching it counts as praxis
#i think its cool that a tumblr poll went viral internationally and im happy for gwitch. but as often happens when something gets this big#the discussion became just unbearably toxic immediately and that does kind of ruin my enjoyment#apologies for devolving into mean venting. especially since i've been on a bit of a break from my normal posts recently#regular posting will hopefully resume shortly#discourse#ship wars#step.blogger
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i know ive been super quiet here since my seizure bc life is Difficult. but uh, probs gonna even more quiet bc work is hell rn AND our ball python Atlas passed away two nights ago so my mental is Pretty Fucking Low
#mild vent#animal death ment tw#i literally do not have the spoons to go into any of it rn so apologies to anyone not in my personal server#and thus not getting the actual in depth talks i can sometimes manage#expecting that for the foreseeable future im just gonna hop on here occasionally to put posts in the queue#was gonna try to keep up w my artblogs queue more#but looks like im probs just gonna let it go silent again for a bit when that queue runs out#im tired. im so fucking tired#any one thing happening could be manageable but life just wont stop kicking me while im down#i went from doing the best ive ever done mentally#to at minimum two intense crying sessions a day
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Hey hey so, just a friendly plea that when you're a guest at hotels/resorts - please give the workers providing you service due consideration, if nothing else.
Yes, we understand you pay a lot to stay at our resort for your vacation. Yes, we get paid to make your stay as comfortable as we can. But also understand that we're humans as well? We aren't the roombas in your house you can turn on at your command. You aren't the only guest we service; some days are busier than others and often times we're required to prioritize certain rooms over others.
It's frustrating for us too when we can't get to everything as fast as we like! - but we're required by brand standards to smile and be polite no matter how stressed or overwhelmed we are. We're trained on how important it is to conduct ourselves properly to appear friendly and accommodating. It'd be nice to receive the same decency in return sometime.
Also, I'm not sure if this is common across most hotels, but for the one I work at, if you call the front desk and request housekeeping service for your room, they will put a ticket in, and the housekeeper it's assigned to will make it their priority to complete at their earliest opportunity. If it was really that much of an issue that you get service, that you have to get entitled and passive-aggressive to the housekeeper - there were ways for you to communicate that to us beforehand! Hell, you could have even just approached me in the hall earlier and asked outright, instead of waiting to make an excuse to get pissed off! I had 15+ turnovers that take priority over the stayover I didn't know you so desperately fucking needed, thank you very much.
#I'm sorry I don't usually talk personal but#Today was undeniably the worst day I've had at this job of multiple years#I'm still reeling a bit tbh#This one person couldn't even fucking give me the simplest courtesies!#“Once again I apologize for the delay” “Okay”#“You folks have a good night!” “Okay” Not even a “Oh you too!”#“We've been waiting all day!” So are the countless other people waiting in the lobby with their belongings?! Unlike you already in a room?!#hotel housekeeper#hospitality industry#hospitality worker#housekeeping struggles#housekeeping#vent post#personal
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they should make a world where you dont have to talk when it takes too much energy
#i mean. technically i could Just Not Talk#but even if i explain that im tired talking is hard rn etc#my mom will decide im ‘giving her the silent treatment’ and a fight will ensue#which would b worse than gritting my teeth and forcing myself to talk a bit#whatever. year and a half ill move out be able to be quiet when i want#just gotta power through it#vent in tags#rambling#sorry for all the like depressed posts lately btw.#idk if thats sth i should apologize for actually bc like#its not like i can control my mental state#but. ykwim#i dont want to be a downer
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me knowing i shouldnt post vent art publicly but also going "but what if it looks REALLY good????"
#lmao#v tempted with like 2 i think they genuinely look nice in the sea of kinda meh art ive made recently but like. one is very intense in the-#-feelings department and i feel like it'd be like. really fucking irresponsible of me to show that kinda stuff#im not bottling up emotions i just dont want this shit to be easily publicly available#i say as a vent i made and posted without telling anyone it was a vent became like. my most popular post LMAOOOOOO#yes it was the cabby “do i have a choice” one i was frustrated at the time bcus of the bot apology to cabby#that was also why it wasnt maintagged for a bit until it blew up a little#now you know the backstory behind the making of that yippee
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I said I’m sorry, you said it’s ok. But you’re staying away from me and now nobody wants to be near me and everyone can sense the tension that something is up. Hit me, scream at me, ignore me whatever makes you feel better, just please just don’t be mad at me anymore and act like I’m a ghost in the wind. You know what screw you, I don’t need you anymore. I’m going to enjoy my trip to Europe. I hate you. I feel disgusted looking at you and everyone else’s faces. I wish you were gone and left me alone.
3:30 British time zone: I know you probably been talking about me behind my back. I can feel the tension in the atmosphere. Everyone can.
-how I’m feeling right now.
#personal post#vent post#rant post#ramblings#I just really don’t feel ok and feel like I’m really alone#I wanna run away with a handsome stranger and live my life away from everyone#I wanna go to an island an relax#I never want to see their faces again#I just really really hate most people around me right now#I want to scratch their eyes out#sorry if I seem a bit emotionally unstable sometimes#though I don’t know why I’m apologizing#I guess I just can’t take it when people wanna leave me and I don’t understand what I did wrong#especially when I’ve apologized(and I don’t do fake I’m apologizing because so and so said so apologies)#like what did I do wrong#i don’t understand#emotionally unstable
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Where has Nyah been all this time?? || PLEASE LOOK AT TAGS
(This post will talk about where I've been, what I've been doing, and also about a few stressful things that have been happening for me lately. This post is a bit of a vent so if you are not comfortable with venting, please feel free to ignore this. I'm alright now. I promise! There may be typos here and some sentences may sound silly or run on. I do apologize. If you do read this whole post and see a Trigger Warning tag I missed, PLEASE let me know and I will update it right away.)
Its been a while, hasn't it? I took a break, came back for a small bit, then disappeared again. I apologize for that. It made it seem like something bad could have happened.. But not counting the negative things that have happened, except for getting into VRChat, I've also gotten into Devil May Cry and let me tell you, DMC5 made me cry on multiple occasions. I could probably talk about it for hours but this isn't the post for that! (I may have even gotten an F/O from the game?? Mmmm?? Thats something I've been taking my time with.)
Life's been a bit hard but I've been pushing through. This post may be a bit long which is why I'll be putting a Read More in it after the TLDR! Please always know to take care of yourself. You may not see worth in you but others do. I do. There is a reason you are still alive. Theres a reason you're still breathing. You may not know why yet but I promise you, one day you will know. I promise.
For the TLDR (To Long Didn't Read): I fell out of the F/O Community because I was uncomfortable to talk about it to my friends at the time since I knew they would be weirded out. I still took a risk and talked about it to my closest friend and in the end, they did say some hurtful things about it. I also delt with issues of someone having feelings for me but me not knowing how to deal with it which caused anger from all my friends and even harassment towards me. This even happened again after the first situation was taken care of. But I got out of both situations and I'm better now. I'm happy and content with where I am!
On May 6th of last year (2022) I got an Oculus Quest 2 for my birthday. Of course, the first thing I did was hop right on VRChat with a friend and explore the fun world of Virtual Reality. After somehow getting over my fear of being in public worlds alone, I started to explore them and game across to nice people who became my friends. That led into gaining even more friends and having a nice friend circle. At this time, I was still strongly in the F/O Community until I realized these people were people that would make fun of something like that. So I ended up never speaking about it. This caused issues to occur when one of my friends gained feelings for me. Yet I was too afraid to confront them head on about it and tell them that I didn't share feelings back since I was afraid of hurting them. Not telling them ended up hurting them even more once I started to distance myself.
This started a train though of them getting angry at me and telling everyone how I was manipulating them and messing with their feelings on purpose. Which everyone believed right away and no one came and talked to me about it. Eventually, since everyone (the friend group had about 7 people in it) was angry, they all confronted me one day about it so randomly. I was asked why I was doing what I did and if I knew how wrong it was. I finally explained to everyone how I was confused on my feelings and didn't understand them. Thankfully, after a good two or so hour talk, no one was upset anymore and I was able to be friends with the person who had feelings for me.
Thats until one of the friends wasn't happy with the outcome and still felt there were issues that weren't solved which started everything back up again. Even the person who had feelings for me got upset again because they started taking my friendliness (which had no hints of romantic interest) as me wanting to be with them. So once again, everyone got angry, and I distanced myself until I left the group with my best friend. I tried my hardest to explain myself but no one would listen. At first, everyone was just angry but then I was being called a wh*re and a manipulator. But I got away from the situation and I was happy for a good while. This issue lasted about two months.
Skip ahead, I have a new friend group and everyone is so kind. My best friend has stayed with me through all of the past issue and still has stayed with me. Until last week. Once again, someone gained feelings for me, but this time I wasn't afraid to talk about my interest in fictional characters ONLY. Everyone in this friend group knew about it. My best friend did make comments about how it was only because I was lonely but that never bothered me. I knew he was just teasing.
But this new friend didn't take well to me not sharing feelings with them. I think the worst thing I ever did was share what happened with the past friend group because this person got in contact with the old friend who had feelings for me and sided with them. I was called horrible names, once again a manipulator, and even accused of gr00ming an 11 year old because I seen him as an internet son who I always hung around. Everyone in this new friend group was always around the 11 year old because we never wanted anything bad to happen, such as someone saying something inappropriate or rude to him. Yet I was called the gr00mer because I treated him like a son. All of this led to very negative thoughts. I never hurt myself but thoughts occurred with wanting to. I lost my best friend who through all this time was on my side with everything but then turned to theirs, I was called horrible things, and even fully made fun of by my best friend because of interest in fictional characters. I never knew that something that was over with in the past (over with four a good two months), would come back in the end. But once again, I left the friend group.
All of this caused me to become very self-conscious of my words now. I always feel like I'm going to say something that an actual manipulator would say or that I may somehow lead someone on by accident. My friendliness has come off on some people as romantic interest when it was never intended. So now I've been afraid of my words and if I somehow may accidentally say something to someone that has the wrong intentions from what I really mean.
In the end, this may sound silly, but in the end, I'm happy with the outcome because I came to understand myself better and become better at speaking up right away. Even getting all these people out of my life was good because I've realized I was pushing away my true interests such as my own F/Os and even the F/O Community. The Community has a deep place within my heart and soul because of all the kind people I met. I even was able to understand myself better through this Community. I still do play VRChat. I've just been keeping to myself mainly but its been nice. I'm away from the negative people and learned that in the end, you need to tell people things right out: such as not having interest in real life people. It may be scary but if someone can't accept you for you then don't be somewhere you are not comfortable. Do not become someone else for people. Always be you. Be true to yourself.
If you read to here, thank you. And even the people who won't see this part of the message, thank you for just being here and being alive. Hard things will come everyone's way but I know you can all always push through it. You always can, no matter what is happening.
I apologize if this post is very messy with words. So much happened in the span of four to five months and its not a fun topic to talk about. I even left out some small things such as the first person contacting my Mom and trying to make himself look good so she would tell me to get into a relationship with him. But like I said in the beginning: I'm doing better now. I'm happy and content with where I am in life. I'm back in the F/O Community, which feels like home, and I even have gotten closer with some F/Os. I even gained a new one I think. I'm still working on that heh. But thank you again for everyone's support. The support of commenting on posts, liking them reblogging, sending asks, all of that. Thank you. Thank you so much for being reasons to smile. Thank you for being you. (After rereading this, I realized I would like everyone to see my thanks so I'll be reposting this last part of this post!)
#Nyah Speaks#tw vent#tw venting#tw mental abuse#tw grooming#tw verbal abuse#tw cursing#This post is a bit messy since I was talking about a highly stressful situation. My apologies#All words that could be triggering have been censored for anyone does read this book of a post#Remember that you have worth#You have a reason to live
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