#birthdays are only for people in my immediate circle. other than that its nobodys business

[eldritchqueerture]

birthdays were fun when you were a kid but now in the age of cellphone and facebook (yes poland still uses it) its just a day where everyone constantly wants something from me and bothers me and im supposed to be grateful

[sayonarasanity]

Chance With You

Summary: It is hard to see beauty in everything. Especially after a life as a soldier who had witnessed so many of his fellow comrades’ and thousands of people’s death. But Hanji wears that word as an outfit every day. It is drawn aesthetically in the way her eye lights up despite everything, in the way she examines each living being she finds in the garden, in the way her curiosity never leaving her mind. She is neither a tree nor a bird. She is a forest; she has a universe and a variety of colours in her land. Beauty is a butterfly that has perched upon her shoulder and it never leaves her side. 

Link to AO3

notes: for the first part of this story I was kind of inspired by this ask. I highly recommend you to check that out as well also for Hanji's short hair see this post

A house, surrounded by some young, some old trees and green grass, with a little garden outside colourful with flowers, herbs and vegetables of different species. In the morning, the birds chirp just beyond his window, they welcome the new coming day with a melody in their tongue. The sun illuminates the sky brighter as if it had a mind of its own and it thought that a world after a gruesome war, painful sacrifices and unreasonable hatred deserves to shine more. 

The familiar touch of warm fingers traces the line of scars on his face while he is still half-asleep, lying one side of his face buried on the pillow. The fingers move upwards to comb his hair back, then they slide downwards to his bare shoulders, to the space between his shoulder blades where old, pale wounds are inked permanently. Then a pair of lips are pressed on his temple, they are warm, and the touch is undeniably real. If it wasn’t, he would pray for it to go away, to disappear. Because if it wasn’t, ripping his heart out of its place would be less painful to open his eyes to the empty side of a twin bed.

“Morning, handsome.” 

“Hmm,” he murmurs. Insomnia post-war still has its fair share of control over him. It is like a friend that he never intended to be close to, yet he is stuck with it inside the same cell in the same prison. 

But Levi post-war had something else against it. Someone else, a third one in the cell to be accurate. 

She presses her lips on his shoulder, and he half opens his right eye then shifts his head a little so that he can see her properly with his only functional, left one. Her dispersed, brown hair is the first thing that comes into his view. Then her eyes, one wounded like him and the other glittering with the daylight and her smile when she rests her head on her pillow. 

“Hey,” he says with a rusty, morning voice. 

Hanji reaches out with her hand to cup his cheek, her thumb caresses the scars again, goes over his blind eye then fixes his brow. “How romantic,” she sighs. “We match like broken glass.” Then her hand moves down to his undercut, her fingers warm on his rough, shaved skin. “Maybe I should get an undercut too.”

He touches the old scar on her left eye, and then her hair with his three remaining fingers. It is shorter than before, now it ends a little below her ear, curling on her nape. “It would suit you.”

“You think so?” she asks a mischievous smile shapes on the corner of her lips. 

“Yeah,” he tries to suppress the smile, but his lips move slightly, nonetheless.

“Armin and Onyankopon will come for a visit today,” Hanji says.

“For what?”

“They said they had something to show us,” she shrugs one shoulder. “And that it was a surprise.”

Levi cannot think of anything. Nor his or Hanji’s birthday are close, or any holiday is on sight. Levi wonders if it is Gabi and Falco’s doing. Though as far as he knew they were away, travelling. 

He raises himself on one elbow and gets his face closer to her neck to press his lips on her skin. “How much time do we have?” he murmurs as he puts his right arm next to her head to balance himself and intertwines their fingers with his other hand while leaving another kiss to her jaw.

“I don’t know,” she sighs as he kisses the sensitive skin under her ear. “An hour or so, I guess.”

“Good enough,” he whispers and finally catches her lips with his own. 

-

“Good morning, Captain,” Armin greets him when he steps inside the kitchen. He wears a black suit; his hair is combed neatly, and he carries himself with a maturity the war he had to face so early in his life and his age has brought about. There are no traces of the insecure, irresolute boy upon him any more. But his smile and the shiny blue eyes are still the same. 

“Morning,” he responds as Onyankopon and Hanji follows Armin into the kitchen. They all gather around the kitchen table. He is not a captain or anything anymore, but he lets it slide whenever Armin or one of the other kids call him that. It feels nostalgic and works well as a reminder that everything that had happened wasn’t a daydream or a shitty nightmare but an unfortunate reality. 

“How do you feel, Levi-san?” Onyankopon asks, sitting across from him. He too wears a suit, a light grey one and has a matching bowler hat on his head. 

“Not bad,” he says sipping from his tea. 

Hanji serves their visitors two cups of tea then sits down next to him. “He actually means, I feel very good and I’m glad to be fucking alive, Onyankopon. Thanks for asking, what about you?”

Armin hides a silent chuckle behind his fist, pretending to be coughing while Onyankopon smiles and even laughs quietly. “I’m great, thank you.”

“Good,” Hanji beams.

“Stop translating me,” Levi says, glaring at her. “We speak the same fucking language.”

“Yes, we do,” she approves then adds, raising her brows with a knowing look. “But they don’t.”

“Tch,” he grunts and then sees the two younger men watching them with a weird expression on their faces. Half smiling, half questioning. His body tenses without control, and he grips the arm of the wheelchair. “Armin,” he decides to ask, just to be sure. “Do you see Hanji here?”

The blond boy blinks in confusion and stares at Hanji for a few seconds. “Yes, of course, Captain. She sits next to you.” 

“Right,” he sighs. 

A hand slides slowly on his back, drawing circles on top of his shirt. It immediately does its magic. His strained body relaxes under her touch. “No need to be confused,” Hanji explains, and Levi doesn’t look at her, but he just knows that she is smiling. “He is just making sure that I’m not a ghost and he hasn’t gone batshit crazy.”

Levi nor approves or rejects this accusation as he quietly proceeds to drink his tea. No one plans a murder out loud. 

“Well,” Onyankopon starts, he sounds a little nervous and when Levi looks at him, he sees that his expression is also the same. “Don’t worry, Levi-san. She is as real as the greys in your hair.”

The hand on his back stops its movements, Armin freezes with the teacup half lifted to his mouth, his eyes are wide and terrified and for several seconds nobody even dares to fucking breathe.

Levi feels Hanji’s body shaking. He knows she is trying to suppress her laughter. Onkankopon opens his mouth, ready to explain himself. “I didn’t—” 

“It’s okay,” Levi cuts in. “They both mean that I’m still fucking alive.”

-

They go outside after breakfast to see what Armin and Onyankopon came here today for. Levi had only been getting used to the midday sun dazzling his vision when he heard Hanji shrieking with joy and excitement.

“Is it what I think it is?” She exclaims bending over a black thing that he had likened to a wheelchair. He doesn’t understand the reason why she is so thrilled over it. 

Onyankopon joins Hanji to explain the gadget while Armin stays next to him. “The hell is that?”

“It is a special wheelchair, Captain,” Armin explains. “Hanji-san had told us that you were sick of being pushed everywhere and we had been thinking about a solution. It took a while though,” he says sheepishly. “We’ve been kind of busy. But it’s finally completed and ready to be used.”

“This was her idea?” Levi asks, watching the excitement radiating through her body. Especially her eyes are shining even brighter than the sun hanging on top of their heads. 

“Well, kind of.” Hanji sits on the wheelchair, curious idiot, and presses upon some things on the arm of the chair then screams when the thing suddenly moves forward on its own. Levi blinks his eyes, surprised. “I think she didn’t want you to feel like you were being a burden to her, so she didn’t directly ask for this, and to be honest I already had an idea in my mind when she had talked to me. So, yeah, this happened.”

Levi continues to watch Hanji who is moving forwards, backwards and to the left and right. Laughing and smirking like a child in an amusement park. “It’s amazing!” she yells. “Armin, you are a genius!”

The boy laughs and clears his throat seemingly embarrassed. “I’m glad you liked it, Hanji-san.”

“Levi!” she jumps up, and walking to where he is, she catches his hands. “Come on, you have to try it!”

She helps him get up from his wheelchair. “You know I can still walk on my own, right, four-eyes?” It takes quite an effort though, but he can. 

“Don’t ruin my only excuse to touch you in public, shorty,” Hanji replies as they take slow steps towards the other, more technological wheelchair.

“You don’t need an excuse to touch me,” he says.

“Oww,” she coos. “How sweet of you—”

“Because I don’t want to be touched,” he goes on as he sits down. “In public.”

“Cruel, old man,” Hanji mutters, shaking her head. 

“I’m not old, I’m only in my forties,” he objects, glaring at her. “Stop acting as if I’m a walking funeral.”

“Yes, of course, grandpa,” Hanji pats his head and Levi slaps it away. 

Hanji and Armin quickly show him how the thing works and apparently it doesn’t require much of a genius to understand. He pushes upon the buttons hesitantly at first, moving only inches here and there as the three of them watch him expectantly and with an annoying curiosity. It is actually quite useful, at least he won’t need Hanji to push him whenever he wants to go out for some fresh air or he won’t need to overuse his arms. It is also more comfortable, and there is even a place on the arm to put his teacup. 

“Did you like it?”

Levi looks up to see them expecting his answer. Hanji was the one to ask the question, yet it is obvious that the other two are also waiting to hear what he has to say. “Yeah,” he says causing them to take a huge sigh of relief. “Thanks.”

“I’m so happy to hear that you liked it.” Onyankopon smiles and Armin nods.

“Come on now, take a stroll.” Hanji claps her hands excitedly. “Let’s see what this baby is capable of.”

Levi had been planning to just do that. There is enough space in the yard to test the machine properly. However, before he sets on to do what Hanji has offered, he looks into her eye, intensely enough for her to frown and her expression to change into confusion. Armin and Onyankopon had already started to talk with each other and are too much preoccupied to realise what is going on. So, with that bringing him more courage, he brings one hand down and pats his knee.

She is quite surprised and a little embarrassed as a cute flush colour her cheeks and she laughs nervously, combing her hair behind her ear with one hand. “Okay.”

“Have you put on weight?” Levi questions when Hanji sits down between his knees and curls her knees to her stomach. She secures herself by putting her feet next to his leg.

“Shut up,” she chides him and wraps an arm around his neck.

He holds her by the waist with his left arm, just in case. “Ready?”

She nods and sends him a toothy grin. “Always.”

Levi presses upon the button and they move forward. There is no hesitation in his control as the machine goes faster this time, stumbling when the wheels go over some rocks or little bumps on the lawn. Hanji is ecstatic. The wind ruffles her short hair, eyes wide and lips parted slightly. It is hard to see beauty in everything. Especially after a life as a soldier who had witnessed so many of his fellow comrades’ and thousands of people’s death. But Hanji wears that word as an outfit every day. It is drawn aesthetically in the way her eye lights up despite everything, in the way she examines each living being she finds in the garden, in the way her curiosity never leaving her mind. She is neither a tree nor a bird. She is a forest; she has a universe and a variety of colours in her land. Beauty is a butterfly that has perched upon her shoulder and it never leaves her side. 

“Why have you stopped?” Hanji asks, and only then does he realize that they aren’t moving anymore and that he had been staring at her thinking how fucking lucky he is to have this, this thing which is called love.

Rather than answering, he holds her nape and brings her face closer, resting her forehead against his. Then closes his eyes and inhales the smell of the soap they share together, and the odour of the tea leaves still fresh on her breath. 

He feels the moment her body melts, as her fingers touch his neck, and her thumb caresses his cheek. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” he says. “Just checking.”

She laughs quietly, then leans in for a brief, soft kiss on his lips ignoring the fact that they are being watched by two of their former subordinates. Levi uses that moment to press on one of the buttons which quickly swirls the wheelchair to the right with a sudden movement. The kiss is over in a second as Hanji yelps then laughs heartily tilting her head backwards. The sun shines on her skin, and a butterfly flies around her head, fluttering its wings.  

And despite all those years that had passed, and despite the places, they had seen during the last few years Levi is still positive that it is the best fucking sound this crocked world has to offer. 

   That was just a dream.

Levi stirs and blinks his eyes open, then almost immediately winces at his stiff neck. Curses at himself as he lifts up a hand to massage the skin. He had fallen asleep on the couch again with the TV open. His mother would’ve killed him if she were here. Good thing he had moved away for his job. He is still too young for this shit.

Accepting the fact that he has to deal with a stiff neck for the rest of the day he sits up reaching for the remote control. 

That was just a dream, says Michael Stipe on the TV. The clip is almost over and the song fades. Just a dream.

He turns it off.

It is almost five in the morning and there is not even a drop of sleep left in his system. He walks to the bathroom yawning and stretching his body. His neck and shoulders crackle and he wrinkles his face. “Goddamn.”

He washes his hands on the sink and then his face, getting rid of the crust around his eyes. After that, he uses a towel to dry his face, and when the towel covers the right side of his face and his right eye, and he stares before him to the mirror he stops.

Bits and pieces of strange images slide inside of his head, a man around his forties who is sitting on a wheelchair, a blind eye, a scar running up and down one side of his face, a woman with short hair and bright eyes, a house with a garden, the sound of genuine laughter, the feeling of—

He drops the towel to the side of the sink and breathes heavily. His fingers touch the smooth skin on his face absentmindedly and he stares at his reflection. And his, thankfully still functioning blue eyes stare at him back, like they have no idea what the hell is going on. He checks his right hand to see all of his fingers are in place. Then he bends a little and slaps his leg, taps his foot on the ground for good measure. 

“Huh,” he murmurs then. “Weird.”

Shaking his head, he settles on the idea that whatever he had seen was just a bizarre albeit a little too much realistic dream and sends it away to the back of his mind. Although he realizes that after remembering it, he feels somehow lighter. It is similar to the feeling one gets when the winter quietly recedes, and the trees start to give life to little flowers. That feeling of being lightweight and carefree even if it is just for a little while.

He takes a shower.

When he sits back down on the couch after the shower with a cup of tea in his hand, he opens his laptop to deal with some unread emails piled up in his inbox. He leaves the tea on the coffee table, next to his phone and puts away the towel he had been using to dry his hair. 

Minutes later, when he reaches for the cup, he catches the moment his phone lighting up with a new notification.

 Are you awake? The text says.

Taking the phone in his hands he taps, what do you think?  

It takes only a second for his phone to start ringing. “Hey,” he opens the call. “Couldn’t sleep?”

“I’ve only just woken up,” she says but her voice sounds clear, dispersed of the sleepy roughness like she had been awake for a while. “Had a dream.”

“Bad one?” he asks as he takes a sip from his tea, his eyes scanning his laptop screen.

“Well, not really but kind of.” A pause, like she is lost in thought, then she adds. “I saw you.”

Levi hums, approvingly. “Naked?”

She lets out a loud, heartfelt laugh. “Oh my God, Levi. No,” she giggles breathlessly. “It wouldn’t be a bad dream if you were naked, you know.”

“Right,” he chuckles. “What was it then?”

“It was weird.” She stops again for a few seconds. “Like really weird.”

“You should tell me first if you want me to believe you, Hanji,” he says, not quite seriously. 

She sighs. Then there is another pause which is relatively longer. Levi knits his brows and sits a little more upright. Something is wrong.

“What is it—”

“You were sitting on a wheelchair,” Hanji spills eventually, and the words die on his tongue. “And there were scars on your face. They were like war scars like you were once a soldier, a veteran. And—and you looked peaceful but also a little sad too. I don’t know. You were also older. Then there were two young people with you and a tall man. I don’t really remember their faces. I think you were travelling, you looked like tourists though I am not so sure but I-" she breaths fast, she hasn’t stopped talking for a while. “I wasn’t there.”

“Hanji,” he manages to say, despite the fact that he feels like he is choking in his own breath.

“It felt so wrong,” she goes on with a thin, frail voice. “I remember how I felt in the dream. I wanted to reach you, but I couldn’t, I tried to call out to you, but you didn’t hear. It was almost like… like I was a ghost. I was invisible. I was so desperate to just be with you and it felt so damn wrong that I wasn’t.”

“It was just a dream,” he whispers when he finds his voice. His body is frozen like he was paralyzed by something he had no control over. 

“It felt so real.” He hears the tremble in her breath, and he notices how tight he had been holding the teacup. It is almost a miracle that it hadn’t been shattered to pieces yet. 

“I had a dream too,” he decides to tell her.

“Oh?” She sounds interested and he is relieved to hear that her voice is back to its natural tone. “What did you see?”

So, he tells her the dream, not leaving much out except for the things he remembers himself feeling. She listens without almost a sound. He only occasionally hears her gasps and thoughtful hums and the quiet rhythm of her breaths. Only when he tells her that one of the men's in his dream was looking suspiciously similar to Armin, she adds thoughtfully that now that she thinks about it, the man in her dream was very much like Onyankopon. He flicks his fingers, of course, the other man was Onyanokpon. Though the identities of the two younger people remains a mystery.

When he finishes she is silent for a while. Possibly thinking. 

“Hey, Levi,” she says, at last, drawing him out of his own deep thoughts. “Do you think we might’ve lived another life together?”

He examines the keyboard of the laptop for a handful of thoughtful seconds. “I don’t know,” he replies, honestly. Frankly, it is not that much of a long shot. “Maybe.”

“I don’t remember anything, though,” she continues. Levi imagines her lying on her back, watching the ceiling, her dark hair scattered on the pillow. “Do you?”

He almost says no, but then he recalls the dream again, and the way her skin reflected the morning sun, how her laughter touched the forgotten, drought lands in his heart and how lucky he felt to have her right beside. “I remember loving you,” he blurts, surprised even himself.

For an uncomfortably, and terrifyingly long second, she doesn’t respond. He chuckles, somewhat nervously. “Too much?”

“No,” she breathes. “No, it’s not. I just didn't expect you to say something like that.”

“Yeah,” he says dryly. “Tell me about it.”

“So, what do you think?” She asks, shifting the matter masterfully. “Which one was real?”

“How would I know?” 

“Might be both,” she reasons. “Alternate realities and all that.”

“Yeah,” he mutters and shrugs although she can’t see it. “Why not?”

“Weird.” Levi holds the handle of the teacup and taps the table absently. “I wonder what happened. In my version, you know. Did I die before you? Maybe I was a soldier as well.”

Levi doesn’t like that possibility. It leaves a sour taste in his mouth but considering the two obscure dreams, it is likely. “You had a scar on your eye,” he says remembering his dream. “You most probably were.” 

“Oh,” she sighs woefully. “Sorry for leaving you alone, then.”

“Yeah. Sorry for letting you die.”

She laughs. “Well, you probably had no other choice.”

He runs a hand over his face. What the actual fuck they are talking about in the goddamn wee hours? “Hanji, this doesn’t make any sense. Seriously, go back to sleep.”

“I don’t want to go back to sleep. I keep remembering the dream. I wish I had seen your version.”

He wishes the same too, to be honest. “Forget about it. Just sleep.”

“I can’t forget about it,” her voice comes muffled, like a part of her mouth is pressed upon her pillow. “You looked so fine with that scar.”

He pinches his nose but cannot stop himself from grinning like a lovesick fool for the life of him. “Idiot.”

“Would you like to hear something disgustingly cheesy and cliché?” She asks, drowsily.

“No.”

She goes on as if he had never talked. “I’m your idiot.”

“Dear, fucking Lord,” Levi struggles very hard to keep his laughter inside. “Just sleep already.”

“Hmm,” she murmurs, she is most probably about to fall asleep. “Will I see you tomorrow?”

“No, you will see me today.”

“Right, good, good,” she sighs, sleepily. “Later, then my handsome, my shorty, my one and only.”

“Dumbass,” he says affectionately but she is already snorting on the other side of the line. 

[aweirdkindofyellow]

The Royal Invitation, Pt.15

Aerowyn Matilde George Rothchester might seem like a very long name, but it definitely is not for a royal in the Kingdom of Dalewin.

After her grandfather, the beloved king, passed away, Aerowyn (also known as Winny) is called back from her art school in New York. She’s thrown back into her royal duties, expected to know what to do.

But with the Royal advisor on tour with the new king, Winny is left to figure things out with his stepson. The only problem, he has no idea what he’s doing, after all he’s only the lead singer in a band.

Co-written story with @scream-tears.

Chapter 15

Winny’s POV:

I stared at Alex for a while. His eyes were shut and he looked asleep, I just needed to be sure that he actually was. When he didn’t even twitch after a few more minutes, I carefully slipped out of my bunk. As soon as I was standing on the floor, I checked up on Alex again, gladly seeing that he still hadn’t moved. I tiptoed over and gently closed the curtain so he could no longer be distrubed by anything that happened in the corridor.

I turned around and went to the next bottom bunk, squatting down so I was face to face with its curtain. As I learned to do, I softly knocked on the plastic board to get the attention of whoever was on the other side. However, I got no response. I rolled my eyes a little and knocked again, a bit louder, but still trying my best not to wake up anybody else around.

When I still didn’t get a response, I sighed and just yanked open the curtain a little. Jack stared back at me like a deer caught in headlights. The only light illuminating his face was coming from his laptop and he was wearing huge headphones. I raised an eyebrow at him, still waiting to get some kind of reaction. When his initial shock wore off, he moved his headphones to free one ear to listen to me.

“Everybody’s asleep!” I whispered.

He didn’t make a sound when he put away his laptop and headphones, only to poke his head out of the bunk and look left and right to see if I was correct. When he saw that I was indeed not lying, he pulled me into his bunk. I was immediately straddling him and I quickly closed the curtain before anybody would wake up and walk past.

“Come here,” he groaned and pulled me down to start a fiery kiss, immediately already tugging at my shirt.

We did our best to be as silent as possible. However, it was inevitable that occasionally a limb or another body part smacked into a wall. That bunk was barely big enough for two people to squish in, let alone to people to get it on. We managed to make it work. And it seemed like nobody had noticed anything. Or at least nobody said anything or gave us any weird looks. Not even Alex seemed to suspect a thing. He just showed up excitedly for our morning walks every day, always expecting me in my bunk.

I couldn’t believe I was saying it, but it was quite a difficult and tiring secret to keep up. Staying up late with Jack just to have to leave before I fell asleep only to have to wake up early-ish in the morning for Alex? Exhausting.

But I was having fun. I was still forever grateful that Alex had made the decision to let me come with him. Even if I was alone for a little while. There were no pressures on me here. I got to do anything I wanted. Rather than jobs being piled on jobs, I now had to actively seek if I could help out anywhere. It was absolutely magnificent.

I was wandering around the backstage area of the arena for the night while world famous rock stars All Time Low were busy doing a whole list of different interviews. You’d be surprised how many interesting things you can find in the deep dark crevices of arenas. Or they were just plain boring. There really wasn’t much of an in between.

I was walking through a hallway and past one of the dressing rooms when my name was called out. “Aerowyn!”

Without thinking twice, I turned around and entered the room, looking up to see Mark Hoppus staring right back at me. It seemed like I had just randomly and rudely walked in. “I’m sorry, I thought I heard my name.”

“Aerowyn,” he repeated.

I shook my head, realising just how big my mistake had been. I tried to act oblivious, like he was saying a word that I didn’t know. “I’m sorry, what?

“You might have been able to fool the others, but you can’t fool me,” he laughed lightly and warmly.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I continued to try and play it off.

If my identity came out, things could go horribly wrong. Maybe not necessarily in the circle of the bands on tour. But it was bound to get out. And if my behaviour or drinking and casually sleeping with Jack came out, it would be a scandal. They were pretty chill in Dalewin, but that didn’t mean everything was suddenly acceptable.

“Oh, come on, I’m not an idiot!” Mark rebutted. “A quick google search into Dalewin was all I needed. I hear about a country I never knew existed, I take time to learn about it.”

He pulled out his phone from his back pocket and tapped a few times on the screen before handing it to me. I looked down at it in my hands and saw a photo of ‘The Royal Family of The Kingdom of Dalewin’. It was a relatively old picture. I was about 16 and looked a lot younger. It was taken for my grandfather’s birthday that year. There was also a picture of the entire family, but this one was just my grandpa, my parents, Gus-Gus, and me. I was wearing some light pink dress that I could still remember to this day. My mom had refused to let me wear it, but my grandpa somehow managed to change her mind. Everybody else was wearing much more sophisticated colours.

I shrugged and went to give the phone back. “I look a bit like her, but that isn’t me.”

“Swipe to the next photo.”

I did as instructed and went to the next photo he had prepared for me. It was one of the photos taken for my dad’s coronation. Specifically one that consisted of just me and Augustus. I couldn’t even try to hide behind the fact that it just looked like me. This was a close up of us. Even the birthmark on my neck was visible.

“Okay…” I nodded. I couldn’t deny it anymore. “That is me.”

“Pretty foolproof cover,” he chuckled as I defeatedly handed his phone back.

“Well, usually it works better when I’m just Matilde George from New York with a funny accent, not Matilde from Dalewin.”

“So hiding your identity is a common occurrence, then?”

“Only when I’m in New York,” I explained and looked behind me when I heard footsteps, but it was just somebody walking past. “It makes studying there just a little easier. Nobody constantly reporting on my every move, or hoping to blackmail me.”

“You seem pretty serious about keeping it a secret.” He frowned, also briefly glancing at the door.

“If Alex were to know that you knew, he’d start forcing me to act normal again.” I sighed and tugged on my hair. “I was hoping to get away from that.”

“Normal?” He raised an eyebrow at me in amusement. “You mean to tell me you don’t usually chug beer after beer?”

“Art student Matilde does, Princess Aerowyn does not.”

“I’m assuming Aerowyn also can’t have that thing going on with Jack and Alex.”

“Thing going on?” I questioned with confusion.

“Don’t act oblivious again.”

“I honestly don’t know what you’re talking about,” I laughed awkwardly.

I didn’t consider whatever I was doing with Jack a ‘thing’. A ‘thing’ sounded way more serious. Jack and I were only having sex when it suited us, nothing else. And Alex? There definitely wasn’t anything going on there. He was one of the only good friends I had made as Aerowyn in ages. All my friends back in New York loved fun Matilde, not responsible Aerowyn.

“Alright… if you say so.” Mark gave me a very suspicious look.

Before I could assure him there was really nothing going on, Alex came rushing into the room.

“There you are! I’ve been looking all over the place for you!!” He exclaimed in relief, coming up behind me.

I looked at Mark with a hint of fear. He had the power in his hands. With just a word, he could ruin it all. Usually, my fate didn’t depend on one person so much. I was very used to having at least a little control. People did help me make choices, and I often did follow them, but I did always have the last word. Unless it was towards my parents or higher ranking royals, of course.

“Matilde and I were just discussing gardening tips with each other,” Mark quickly made up.

“Gardening tips?” Alex looked as puzzled as I tried to be earlier.

“Yep, you know, since she works with horses and stuff…”

“Ah! Right, yes.” He nodded in understanding before directing his next part to me. “I was going to go out for coffee and you’re coming with me!”

“I’m coming with you?” I challenged.

“Yeah, live a little,” he scoffed and pulled on my arm to drag me out of the room.

I made eye contact with Mark one more time and mouthed a ‘thank you’ to him. He responded with a wink and a smile as Alex continued to force me to join him.

[theamberwriter]

Levi’s Secret [Mod!Levi Ackerman||Fem!Reader]

Pairing: Levi Ackerman x Fem!Reader [Mod!AU]

Word Count: 2012

Warning: Cursing, pregnancy

A/N: I posted this a while ago on Quotev, DeviantArt, and Wattpad (I think). I updated it for you all!

Levi Ackerman, co-vice president for one of the most powerful companies in the world, Titan Industries, has a secret. Nothing dangerous - well, maybe it will be if anyone finds out, but it'll only be dangerous to their health. He plans on keeping it that way as long as he can. The shitheads he works with don't need to know about his personal life.

But what is that secret?

If one were to go into the upper left-hand drawer, supposing they got the key, and found the insert in the bottom of it. One could find a mysterious paper object lying flat in the bottom of it.

But what is this object?

Well the other VP Hanji Zoe is determined to find out. She's continuously caught the short man looking at – something – in the drawer. But even the security cameras can't reveal what it is. She only knows where the mysterious object is located. News spread quietly around the office when Hanji blabbed, and some people began to take bets; a porn magazine, nudes of his wife and just regular ole important papers were among the guesses.

Almost everyone wants to know what is in that drawer.

Even the president, Erwin Smith, who is an old friend of the co-VP, is curious about Levi's mysterious drawer.

Hanji knows better, though, than to ask the stoic short man about his secret. She knows he’d blow her off, or threaten her, or move the thing – whatever it is. Hanji also knows better than to ask his wife, [Name], who will only give her a mysterious smile and tap the side of her nose to tease her.

No amount of begging will force [Name] to give out any of her husband’s secrets. And not in fear of Levi getting angry, but because she loves to mock the nosey woman. [Name] knows a side of Levi nobody does, knows things that no one else knows – and that drives Hanji crazy, she wants to know everything. Mostly just so she can pester and tease her short friend about it.

Currently, it is a Friday morning – about 10:54 AM. In the main HQ of Titan Industries, in front of a large set of double doors up on the 34th floor, can be found a certain brunette Hanji Zoe and a young office worker from the floor below. Eren Jeager is the long-time friend Levi’s younger cousin, Mikasa, who also worked in the office.

         “Hanji,” says Eren, looking nervously about him. “Are you sure this is a good idea?”

         “Of course, it is,” reassures the woman as she slowly opens the door. “Shorty’s in a meeting, and shouldn’t be back for a while. Besides, I know exactly where to look. I’ve seen him do it a million times on the cameras. – look, just signal me if something goes amiss, alright?”

         Eren sighs, his shoulders slumping. “Right.”

         The woman creeps into the room, after ruffling Eren’s hair, and slowly makes her way over to the pristine desk. She is going to try not to mess it up – it’s so tempting! But she is also trying not to get caught, so she resists the urge.

         Ever so gently, Hanji removes the pen she always sees Levi use from its place in the mug on his desk. It’s one [Name] gave him Hanji notices (even after having seen it a million times, she never took note of what was on it), it’s pictures of their wedding and honeymoon a few years before. But, to Hanji’s dismay, there is no picture of the man smiling or being anything but his usual self! [Name] must have made this specifically for his desk.

         With a sigh, Hanji shakes her head and kneels to retrieve the key from under the desk. If one didn’t look closely, they would miss the small key held in brackets screwed to the top of the desk. The brunette carefully slides the gold key out, glancing it over once, before shoving it in the lock and turning it. She flinches as it makes a soft click sound.

Sliding out the drawer, Hanji then looks for the spot where the tip of the pen would fit. It’s hard to spot, even with the sunlight streaming in the wall of windows behind her. But she does find it. She grins to herself as she lifts up the insert. Standing, Hanji puts her hands under the panel and feels for the edge of the object. When she finds it, she fishes it out and drops the insert.

Placing the pen on the desk, the woman looks at what’s in her hand. At first, it appears to be a white folder but as she flips it over, she finds it’s something else. Hanji’s eyes widen, a squeal escaping her throat. So it was none of the dirty things the office workers conjured up.

She completely ignores the loud, ‘Hello, Mr. Ackerman!’ that Eren just about yells from outside the door. Nor does she hear the growl from the short man as he snaps at the boy to ‘quit fucking shouting’ and ‘get the hell away from his door if he’s just going to stand there like a dumbass.’ Hanji also completely ignores the short man as she runs out of the office to tell Eren of her discovery, even though she tosses him a ‘hey, shorty.’

“Eren, you will never believe –” starts Hanji, but then stops as she realizes that the short man is seething behind her.

         “Oi! Shitty Glasses!” grits Levi, his fists clenched as he glares her down. “Who in the hell gave you permission to go in my office when I’m not there?! And how the fuck did you get that – give it to me!”

         But Hanji simply turns and runs, ditching her heels and knee-highs as she does so that she doesn’t trip or slip. Levi immediately takes off after her, but not before glaring at young Eren and snapping at him to get back to work; Eren shakily does as he’s told.

         Hanji, meanwhile, sprints down the stairs and runs to one of the desk lined floors. Waving the thing in the air, she yells, “I’ve got it!”

         When people look up, all they see is her running with Mr. Ackerman hot on her heels. She only stops when Erwin enters the floor, having seen the commotion on the cameras. Levi stops as well, and then he and Hanji begin to sprint and jump in circles around the president. But this stops as Erwin takes the thing from Hanji, who’s now behind him, while Levi glares down his friend from in front.

         “Erwin. Give. Me. That!” spits Levi, but Erwin sighs and shakes his head as he holds the object high above his head – knowing that his tiny friend can’t reach that without assaulting him.

         “Sorry, Levi,” mutters the blonde. “Everybody’s just curious.”

         “It’s none of their damn business! – and why do those shitheads know that I keep that in my – four eyes, what the fuck?!” Levi’s glare shifted over the broad shoulders of his boss, to where Hanji’s eyes were just popping over them.

         “Well I couldn’t keep to myself that you had a secret, now could I?! – and anybody who said it was porn or nudes has lost their bet, I hope you know!” calls Hanji, at this Levi whips around the glare down everybody in the room. Especially those forking over money, or claiming they had to go to the bank.

         “S-So, what is it?” stutters poor little Armin Arlert from his desk nearest the trio.

         “It’s none –” starts Levi, but he is cut off by Erwin.

         “You might as well tell us, or else Hanji will,” states the blonde. From behind him, Hanji agreed and began to bounce excitedly.

The raven-haired man glares but then sighs in defeat. “Fucking fine! Give it.”

Erwin carefully lowers the object into his friend’s expectant hand. Turning, Levi faces the floor with the white side showing. But then, he turns it around and looks grumpily away.

Slowly, people gather to get a better look – it’s a thin paper picture frame.

DADDY’S LITTLE BABY is hand done in pale orange block letters across the top of the paper frame. Around the outside is decorated in swirls and dots, it even has a mint green bow tied in two holes punched in the corner. In the frame, lies a black and white ultrasound picture.

“Levi’s gonna be a daddy!” shouts Hanji, running around to throw her arms around the man. Levi growls at her but says nothing.

Erwin puts a hand on Levi’s shoulder, smiling lightly down at him. “Congratulations, Levi.”

“Yeah, thanks,” is all he mutters.

Hanji chuckles, “you could be a bit happier!”

“How the fuck can I?! You damn bunch of shit minded assholes weren’t supposed to fucking know! You shouldn’t even know I’m fucking married, but somebody had to go running her damn big shitty mouth!” Levi spits, glaring around the group gathered.

Hanji and Erwin roll their eyes, Hanji ruffling Levi’s hair. “How could I not?! It was exciting! Also, how were you going to explain the fact that [Name]’s in here all the time?! She probably would have told us herself!”

“What would I have told you?” [Name]’s voice cuts through the chatter. People move to the side as the woman pushes her way through with a box in hand. She smiles sweetly lightly as she sees Levi seemingly presenting the picture frame she made him three months ago for his birthday. “Aww, Levi, you’re showing off our babies!”

The plural catches Levi’s attention, any thought of a blush disappearing. Levi raises an eyebrow slightly. “Babies?”

[Name] giggles, nodding and holds out the box to him. Slowly, he takes it while handing her the frame. He eyes her warily as he opens the box. Inside is a new ribbon and an ultrasound picture clearly showing two circles – twins?! Levi about drops the box at this, but only [Name] notices.

“Twins?!” yells Hanji, causing the man to flinch away from the loud sound.

“Yes, Hanji,” [Name] chuckles loudly. “Levi and I are having twins. Can I have a small hole punch someone?”

More chatter flutters through the room, and then Armin shuffles up with a punch. He mutters a ‘congratulations’ to which the woman smiles. Punching through two more holes in the frame, [Name] hands the punch back and walks up to Levi. He just stares intently at her.

[Name] ties the new ribbon through the holes, and then slips in the new ultrasound. Also paper clipping on a matching ‘S’ that was hidden beneath it onto the end of ‘baby.’ The misspelling makes Levi cringe, but he knew it was his wife’s attempt to be funny.

“How long have you known? When the hell did you get that done?!” utters Levi, watching [Name]’s face intently.

[Name] kisses his cheek with a smile. “I went about two weeks ago, when you were out of town.”

“And you’re just now telling me?! We have to go get more shit for the nursery!” hisses Levi, causing Hanji to laugh loudly.

“Don’t worry shorty! We’ll throw you a baby shower!” she says, as though it’s simple. Levi goes to glare, but [Name] cuts in.

“I’d appreciate that Hanji,” she says, “Levi wasn’t going to let me invite any friends.”

“Forget just friends! We’ll have the whole damn building doing in on it! All 35 floors!” announces the insane brunette, bouncing up and down again.

Before Levi could stop her, Hanji began to ramble on and on about all that could be done. As well as going around and assigning things to each employee, who was still in shock that their grumpy boss was going to be a father.

And, though he despises the brunette sticking her nose in his business, Levi knew it made [Name] happy to have everyone finally know.

Suddenly, Levi doesn’t mind sharing his secret.

[eyelas]

muse 54, jeon somi, 17, she/her. ☼ * ⋆ : hey, check it out, it’s IYLA JANG! everyone calls ‘em IYLA, though. aren’t they a HIGH SCHOOL SENIOR now? man, time flies. isn’t their birthday coming up soon? it’s MARCH 7TH, 2002, right? i gotta get them a present – i heard they like SIMULATION VIDEO GAMES, HOLOGRAPHIC NAIL POLISH, AND TACO BELL FREEZES. and, like, don’t tell anyone, but i think they ARE BEGINNING TO HAVE SEIZURES AGAIN AFTER A DECADE OF DORMANCY. ( c, 18, pst. )

guess who’s back .... back again ... it’s me, c, with my 2nd muse (-”: this is my baby iyla, the youngest in the jang family! she is ,,, a massive Dork with a capital D. pls click that read more for some more info about her! 

iyla was born march 7th, 2002, making her a pisces! and she rly is a pisces tbh she will cry on sight

was a really sensitive kid?? she was the kid who would have to stand outside the school with her parents bawling for a solid 12 minutes because she didn’t want them to leave her sksksks

has always been a hypochondriac; things that stress her out are like, completely normal to other people ??? especially when it comes to school & her career and stuff

she has no clue what she wants to do with her life ! she loves art & has been in theater pretty much her whole life, but she doesn’t think she’s good enough to actually become an actor ! is also super interested in psychology, so maybe she’ll do that ! she has no idea and it’s really starting to freak her out tbh !! 

is goldstone high’s number 1 fan. is at all the sports games, running for student body president, etc etc. its mostly because it looks good on college applications, but her parent being the principal is also part of the reason why as well sksksk 

super determined ! total workaholic ! like, stubbornly so ! she’s the kind of person to completely overflow her plate and then wonder why the hell she’s so busy all the time, and purposely only get .2 hours of sleep at night and then complain about being tired

Massive Dork Hours with this one i s2g,,,, is cripplingly awkward when it comes to mass socialization and prefers to just stick to her lil circle of friends

what ????? is love ???? she’s never had any sort of significant other before simply because she’s convinced that nobody would ever .... want to date her sksksksks

imposter syndrome ! perfectionist complex ! crippling self-doubt !

she was diagnosed with epilepsy as a baby and had frequent seizures pretty much all the way up until third grade as doctors tried to nail the right balance of medication for her; they finally did when she was about eight, and her seizures subsided for pretty much the rest of her life up until now

now that she’s starting to have to make a lot of really stressful decisions as she finishes high school, the stress is starting to take a toll and recently triggered another seizure. it wasn’t a huge one; in fact, it was just a few moments of her feeling out of it, but she had them so much as a kid that she recognized immediately what was happening. but, she’s determined to keep it under wraps and try to stop them from continuing simply bc she thinks she & her family are too busy for her health to be a priority rn !

is also ??? v v annoyed by what’s going on at home rn ??? all she’s ever known is her parent & her two siblings so it’s suddenly Very Strange for the house to be so big and full of people all the time,,, will 100% be passive aggressive towards her step siblings 

basically she’s just .... the softest ... big geek hours .... video games galore .... Baby, but will fight u if necessary 

wanted connections:

friends !!!!! she’s v soft and just ??? wants to be liked by everybody

a ?? crush ???? someone who she thinks is Real Cute ??? bonus points for the “muse a thinks muse b is cute but muse b is oblivious” trope sksksksks

she crazy smart, so maybe someone she’s tutoring ??

a Parental Figure other than her parents !!! she’s v irritated by the state of her household rn so perhaps somebody she can confide in for advice ???

a Soft Squad (TM) because i’m a heaux for that trope

childhood friends !!! somebody who can make fun of her for crying when her parents dropped her off at school every day !

[apotatomashedbybts]

A Summer Like This

[GENRE: pure fluff 

Pairing: Seokjin×OC 

Word Count: 2.9k+] 

A/n: I really don't have a summary for this sweet Oneshot because, well you see, I am dumb! And the main purpose for writing this is because today is my sweetheart best friend @jinnie116 's birthday. And I love her to the black hole and beyond! But I really do hope that all of you will like this 🤗💜. 

Throwing the car keys on the end table by the door after entering her apartment Neha heaved a heavy sigh and ran her left hand through her untied hair out of frustration. She let her body fall on the bed with a thud, not caring to change the suffocating dress she had been dying to step out of all evening. "I am tired of this." She said mentally and a drop of tear trickled down the side of her eyes making its way through the top of her ear and finally disappearing in her black wave like hair. 

These family dinners every weekend had always been something she had looked forward to since she had moved to a new apartment near her office six years ago because of her job. But for the past year she had been afraid of it and even avoided them a few times. "Two years..." She sighed and smiled as she reminded herself how lucky she was; she did that everyday. She got up and turned the air conditioning system on, letting the room cool down- the winters passed away in a blink this year, she thought. She went to the washroom to take a quick shower and change into something comfortable before hitting the bed. The shower helped her mood lighten up and she began humming a little tune that had been stuck in her head since the day before. She lied on her bed and noticed the time - midnight. It was time for him to call. She stared at her phone screen, eagerness clear in her eyes. Her phone beeped notifying that she had received a message. 

She kept staring at the message that she had received with a faint smile on her lips. Even after all these days she held the same feelings that she had at the beginning of their relationship and she still felt the butterflies in her stomach every time she received his texts, no matter how long or short, how objective or loving they were. She knew that he was busy, more than an average person. He was not like average people. Life of an idol was never easy and she knew it. People went crazy over them - mesmerized by their looks, stunned by their sex appeal, mind-blown by their performances, awestruck by their personalities. But they seldom knew that these were just the front - which they decided to show the world. The hardwork, the frustration and the draining moments remained unseen behind those bright smiles. Their personal lives were constantly in check by the agencies they worked under. And a dating news was almost on par with a scandal. Earlier Neha could care less about all these idols and their dating lives but now the situation was different. She never thought that she would be dating one herself. A fond smile was the only expression that her face held whenever it's anything about Seokjin - be it his quirks, or the cheesy things he did for her or his dad jokes. With the mention of dad jokes in her line of thoughts she laughed at the memory of their first meeting. It was almost three years ago when she and a colleague who happened to be her best friend too had to go to Park Hyatt Seoul for a confidential company meeting. They were in the elevator- going to the 11th floor from the third floor. There were not much but only three people in the elevator- her, her best friend Jaehee and another boy with a pollution mask and a hat covering almost all of his face. At first it was quite silent, nobody was saying anything then suddenly a dad joke popped up in Neha's head. And believe it or not, when something like that happened it's hard to stop her from getting it out of her bubbling stomach. She pursed her lips in an attempt to control her smile and turned to Jaehee," What did one elevator said to the other?" Knowing her antics, Jaehee just rolled her eyes and asked, "What?" Neha broke into a fit of giggles and replied, "I think I'm coming down with something." and her laughter intensified making her forget that there was another person in there too.

"Now, listen to this one!" Neha said. It was hard to control her when she got into the flow, so Jaehee just decided to endure it. "What it is called when you put a cow in an elevator?" Neha looked at her best friend with big eyes. But before Jaehee could ask "what", the boy replied, "Raising the steaks!" The unexpected invasion made them turn their heads towards the source. The boy immediately pulled off his mask and hat and apologized saying, "Oh! I am really sorry. I didn't mean to do so but I really love dad jokes! I am sorry!" Neha didn't expect this. She never expected to see such a beautiful man standing in front of her, bowing, and also who loved dad jokes. She was spellbound, and she didn't want this spell to break. Not wanting to let this chance slip away she replied quickly, "Hi Sorry, I am Neha!" and stretched out her right hand for a handshake. As soon as this came out of her mouth Jaehee snapped her head at Neha, completely shocked at what she just did. Jaehee had been Neha's best friend since they were in college and that made her an expert in Neha's habits and preferences. Neha was never so straightforward, rather she preferred her close circle of friends. So when this happened she could totally sense that something was off; it was so not her. Neha knew that she wasn't being her usual self. But that didn't matter right at that moment because she had found the guy that she could gladly spend hours with without getting bored or may be just by looking at his face and hearing to him talk. It was her queue to not let this opportunity slip away and she did what she did. The boy, still shocked at her comeback, shook hands with her and then they both burst out laughing. Without wasting another second the boy replied, "Wanna grab some coffee later? When are you free?" "Oh sure! Does 7pm sound good? On the fifth floor café?" Neha responded. "It's perfect!" was his reply.

Neha found herself humming more than frequently and there were constant clouds under her feet. And she knew the reason behind all these "weird" things she was doing - Seokjin Kim. Jaehee often found Neha smiling to herself that she liked to call was "stupid". But that only made Neha smile more and blush a little bit more red. She was falling in love and it was the weirdest yet the most wonderful feeling for her. She cherished every moment she got to spend with Seokjin, which was very little taking into account his busy, very busy schedule. But nonetheless Seokjin managed to steal time from his choking routines.

On a fine October morning that year Neha received a small parcel with two concert tickets and a small note from Seokjin which said: Expecting you to see at our concert tomorrow. I'll be waiting eagerly for you. I hope to give you one of the best nights of your life. Neha spent almost a hour just by looking at the small note and by thinking about the "best night" she was going to get. Then she spent the rest of her day choosing what to wear along with Jaehee as she decided to take her with herself. Among all these mess, Neha decided to tell Seokjin about her feelings for him. She thought she was just wasting her time imagining all the weird things she wanted to do with him after being her girlfriend. Now was the time to turn them into reality or at least get a clarification from his side. ... Neha couldn't believe with her entire being what just happened or happening. Her mind was in a state of spirals and shock. She pinched herself real hard, "Is this really happening?" It took her almost half a minute to come back to reality. With her still shaky legs she started walking towards the stage. Just before their ending ment Seokjin had cleared his throat and talked addressing his fans,"You have always nagged me on my v lives and Twitter that when am I going to get a girlfriend whereas all the members had already found their loves. So, I guess all of you will be happy tonight to know that I have found someone who I love with my every cell. She was the only one who appreciated and put up with my crazy self. I am grateful for that. And I want to say to her that I have fallen head over heels for her. I just hope that she loves me too the same way I do. I am going to ask her to be my girlfriend tonight and I am hoping to not get rejected ha ha. That'd be so embarrassing. I request the securities to bring Neha here on the stage please." When Neha went up on the stage and kept her hand on the outstretched hand of Seokjin. He took her to the middle of the stage and told her to look at the front gallery. All the fans had lit up their ARMY bombs in particular colours forming the words "Will you let me be your boyfriend?" according to the little plan note given to them by the bighit staffs during Seokjin's speech. She covered her mouth out of surprise and the overwhelming feeling made her eyes moist. A short series of taps on her right shoulder made her wipe the tears and look back only to find Seokjin on one knee, expectation clear in his eyes, with a platinum bracelet with little artificial bellflowers, red carnations hanging from it. He took the mic near his mouth and spoke out, "Will you let me be?" "I will never not!" Neha replied and stretched out her left hand towards Seokjin.

Neha brushed her fingers along the lines of the bracelet that she never for once took off. It held so much meaning to her that she never even dreamt of taking it off. The sudden ring of the phone tore her out of her thoughts. Seokjin: Hey love! How are you? How did the dinner go tonight? Neha: Just the usual, you know... Let's not talk about it. Seokjin: I can understand.. How about I go with you next time? Neha: Well.. that can give them the wrong idea. Seokjin: We'll see about that. Don't worry. Everything's going to be alright. Neha: You don't understand. It's not that easy. It's a lot more complicated than you think! Indian families are not as open minded as yours are. [Neha let out a frustrated sigh. She didn't mean to take out her frustration on Jin but it just came out instinctively. She immediately regretted doing it ] Neha: S-sorry.. I didn't mean to take it out on you. It's just that I am fed up with them trying to get me married... Seokjin: When I said that I can understand you I literally meant that sweetheart.. and believe me, we can figure things out together. [A soothing feeling was permanent in his voice which always worked on Neha no matter how hard the situation was.] Neha: Yeah... You are right. So, how was your day?

And like that their conversation continued. It always lasted for at least an hour before Neha nagged Seokjin to go to sleep. She always had to almost force Seokjin to take rest specially at night as that was the only time of their day when they get some free time for each other. So Seokjin always stayed reluctant to leave. And that made Neha more careful about her responsibilities as a person who loved him.

Neha's parents had been pestering her for the past year to get married. They didn't give heed to her constant sayings that she didn't want to get married, not so early. But her every reasons were thrown into trash by her parents. They would say, "We have given you enough time! We never got into your way when you wanted to get settled in your career! Now, why are you not listening to us! All the relatives are talking about us, not in a good way needless to say. You are 26 already!" And for that every family dinner either ended in quarrels or in disappointments. She felt like she was in a shoreless water from where she couldn't see any way to escape. If she told them about Seokjin now then they would force her to let them meet him and his family and talk about their marriage. But she didn't know whether Seokjin wanted to marry her or not, and she never wanted to burden him with her problems. He was dealing with enough things, it'd be cruel to add mine too, she thought. She already regretted slipping out these things in front Seokjin one night because of frustration but after that she had tried to avoid it or talk about it ever so lightly. The last thing she wanted was Seokjin to leave her. She never imagined how life would be without him, neither she wanted to think about it. She wanted to stay happy as long as she could; a basic survival instinct, one might say.

Two weeks later, on a fine summer morning Seokjin called Neha only to gain a frown from her because she knew that they had photoshoot today. But nonetheless she was happy to receive a call from him. She could say that he was really excited from the way he sounded, "Nehaaa~~ pack your bags and stay ready! I am going to pick you up at 7pm tonight! We are going to Jeju city for a week!!! Okay I have to go now. Stay ready.. love you!" He came and went like a wind leaving Neha agape with wonder. "Did I just hear it right? We are going to spend a week together? Without interruption?" She was going crazy with the idea. Her summer break started a week ago and it'd continue upto the next two weeks. She was quite sad thinking that she would have to spend it with anyone else other than Seokjin. But now all those thoughts had just evaporated into thin air leaving only happiness as residue. ...

Neha could tell that something was off or on, whatever, with the way Seokjin acted almost the whole week at Jeju. He acted super nice – it wasn't like he was not sweet but it was like the sweetest version of Seokjin. And he got nervous now and then, reason totally unknown to her. On the last day, Neha couldn't take it anymore and she asked, "Jin, is something wrong? You seem nervous more often than not.. is there anything that's bothering you?" Seokjin stared at Neha's worried face for a long time with a calmed expression and then placing a quick kiss on her forehead he said, "Let's go to the beach. I'll tell you there what's bothering me. Okay?" Nodding reluctantly at Seokjin's words Neha got ready for going to the beach.

Walking hand in hand along the Hyeopjae beach, listening to the endless waves and soaking in the cool sea breeze Neha almost forgot what they talked about before coming to the beach. She got reminded of it when Seokjin started to talk. "These two years with you have been the most wonderful time of my life, you know? I feel like I am the happiest man in this world to have someone like you in my life. And it would hurt me to let go of you ever. You made me more understanding of things and I am beyond grateful for that. You asked me today what's bothering me... Your tension is bothering me. You might think that I don't care or I have forgotten about the tension about marriage going on in your family but I haven't. If they get you married somewhere else then I don't what I would do. You are too precious to me to let go. Life without would never be the same again, rather it'll be worthless..." Neha's heart started beating at an insane speed at the possibility of the course of Seokjin's words. And it felt like it was going to burst out of her chest when she saw him taking out the ring box out of his pocket and taking out the ring, "You told me that you didn't feel comfortable with the extravagant proposal I did because you are my shy little hun. That's why I am keeping it simple. I hope you'd..." Seokjin's words got cut away in the middle as Neha kept her hand on his mouth to hush him and said softly, "This is perfect." and took away her hand. Seokjin smiled at her and asked,"So will you marry me and promote me from being your boyfriend to being your husband?" Neha smiled and hugged him, mainly to hide the tears of happiness, and said, "What type of stupid question is that?" Seokjin wrapped his hands around her in embrace and said, "I am sorry..." Neha smiled in his loving embrace and whispered, "Hi Sorry, I am your would-be-wife."

Neha never thought she could ever be happier but here she was in the embrace of the person she had loved the most, proven completely wrong. She never expected that ever in her life would exist a summer like this. 

••The End••

[shadow-emerald-gold]

My Heart (Michael Langdon x Reader)

I’m just going to slip right in and leave this here. Nothing like some good Antichrist in the morning to go with your coffee- especially a dramatic icon like Michael. 

This takes place during the early weeks of the apocalypse where Michael is feeling less than fulfilled about his achievement. So, he decides to talk to his father in an attempt to gain answers about how he feels.

Being the child of Satan sounds like a vague plot device that horror movies and books have no issue exploiting. 

However, it was reality for a young man named Michael Langdon who had successfully brought about the destruction of the world without an instruction manual. Everything had so perfectly fallen into place that it felt too much like a daydream to the son of Satan. It was a wonderful feeling to have single-handedly destroy the very empire of man. People either bowed before him, begged before him or died before him and it was all at the flick of his hands. Michael Langdon was the master of his own destiny and that played on repeat in his head for weeks until it began to wear off…

The Sanctuary was a terribly boring place in Michael’s opinion. He watched his father’s followers shuffle about the halls, preparing for the new world governed by the Antichrist’s plans, all without acknowledging that he was there. The young man had received no new commands from his father nor was there really a need to rush. The world had ended. Big whoop. What now? Michael had to wait for the dust to settle so he could start toying with humanity again, but it was torture to be patient. At times, he would sit in his room and watch the fire as his slender fingers weaved through his longer hair. Ms Mead had suggested reading a book, so he read every one in the small library. He even read over the business files that had been kept for future reference. The Antichrist practiced his power, often exerting it over the servant staff, but that soon grew tiresome when he realised that there was no rival to challenge him. It also frightened away the maids from cleaning his quarters.

It was his birthday when the deafening silence that was hollowing out his bones finally broke him. Michael snapped as easily as a twig as a voice in the back of his mind simply whispered,‘I’m lonely.’

How pitiful, he thought immediately after, the destroyer of man is lonely.

He did not argue however, his heart aching as if it were being clenched between two hands. What was the point of denying it? Only the fire will ever know his true feelings that were locked away in some childish prison tucked nicely behind all of his memories.

“You look more miserable each and every day,�� Mead chuckled from the threshold of the door, “what ever happened to that perky son of Satan?”

He waved her comment off, mumbling something under his breath before turning to her. She held a black box that was tied up professionally with red ribbon. It was as if she had managed to find a retail store after the whole apocalypse that was still open. Michael smiled slightly as she came closer and placed it down on the coffee table before him.

“Happy Birthday, Michael.”

The box was opened in seconds and in it was a striking, deep red coat that was weaved with the embers of Hell. Soft to the touch and so richly designed, the Antichrist held it up before slipping it on.

“Perfect,” Mead beamed, adjusting the shoulders, “do you like it?”

“I love it,” he replied keenly.

“Hopefully this perk you up a bit. The others are getting a tad worried that you might be conspiring against them.”

Michael laughed quietly, “always.”

She left him after that, declaring that they will have a bountiful feast prepared in celebration, but he only slumped back into his seat- now feeling marginally more beautiful than he did before. It sure would be nice to have someone else compliment him for once. He tried forcing that onto one of the maids, only asking for her opinion on a new shirt, but it ended up with her broken body at the bottom of the stairs. Before you assume anything, it was not his fault this time. She panicked after thinking that she had offended that Antichrist and tried to run away before slipping and falling down the stairs in the most horrifying yet entertaining way he had ever witnessed. It was borderline comical until she did not move.

He felt the velvet of the coat and grumbled at the memory. Everyone was scared of him. Nobody wanted to talk to him unless they absolutely had to. It was always like that since day fucking one. He could feel his blood boil and before he could think otherwise, he was stomping down the hallway, fists clenching and teeth grating. He was going to speak to his father whether the parent wanted that or not. Passing by people, almost like a shadow, Michael instructed one of the servants to alert Ms Mead that he will be in the Ritual Room and no one is to enter until he comes out.  

He undressed rapidly, throwing his clothes onto the ground in frustration as the candles came to life around him. They dwindled in his presence for they knew who he was as flickering shadows creeped up the unnaturally smooth walls. He was cursing in Latin now, stepping into the circle as he drew the blade across his flesh and drawing blood. His emotions, the overwhelming hollowness in his mind, dulled the pain to the point where it was merely a faint throbbing- a distant thought to the profanities in his head. His voice died into a whisper, words begging for his father descending into Hell as Michael began to lose himself, giving himself entirely to the moment- his power oozing with the blood that he smeared into a pentagram. Strangely, it was a beautiful sight to see a devil crafted as an angel draw himself into the darker dreams of forbidden knowledge. The humming yellow light of the candles, a choir of tiny demons, singing to his rule over the mortal world. It was something he had felt many times in this past but this time it didn’t matter. Nothing did but only the attention of his father. He received it.

Shuddering, Michael opened his eyes in the world of eternal punishment, the candles becoming an inferno that blazed upwards towards the Heavens. Panting, his eyes traced the outline of his father amongst the smoke, grinning and standing; taking no note of his nude vulnerability. Despite being painted in blood and endorphins running high, he was proud of himself for keeping a calm composure.

“Long time no see, father.”

There was no reply as he felt the heat run across his skin, a warning perhaps for his cocky attitude.

“I have done what you asked of me. Humanity is on the brink extinction and the world itself has ended. Are you pleased?”

“You have not come here seeking my praise,” a low rumble echoed through what Michael could only describe as a cave, one that shook the walls, “you come seeking release…”

The son swallowed, his marble smile cracking and stepped back.

“Is that too much to ask from you? I have done everything you have asked of me and yet you leave me with nothing. It was I who destroyed the world! It was I who brought about the Apocalypse and yet I feel as empty as Heaven is. Nothing but a wonderful idea that is never reached. Is it not my right to be as fulfilled as you are?” Michael screamed, his voice breaking as tears rolled down his cheeks.

There was nothing but the roaring flames and his laboured breath- sweat dripping.

“You do not even know what you want.”

The Antichrist dropped to his knees, not caring for how the rocky ground scraped his skin.

“I know exactly what I want. I want… I want… I want to…”

How he wanted to say it so badly. How he needed to say it. Release all of those sentiments he had locked away so long ago. He combatted with his memories of the past, them wanting nothing more than to keep those emotions caged and yet another part of him was desperately pulling at the bars to free them. His tongue was twisting in his mouth as he shuddered; Michael was tearing himself apart at the seams, undoing all of Satan’s handiwork in a matter of seconds. His pride disintegrated as his mind shattered into ruins.

“You do not wish to admit what your body and mind craves. Oddly selfless coming from the spawn of my own being. However, you have done well.”

Then there was only the grey smoke as the fires screamed into nothing, their embers were all that was left. The man was still shuddering, crying into his hands as his voice gave up trying to speak his pain. All that he could do was choke on pent up rage, remorse, regret and melancholy. Once more, Satan had vanished without an answer. He whimpered, never wanting to return to the Sanctuary as he was perfectly happy here in limbo. 

Something grew from the ashes and smoke, appearing like a ghost with silent footsteps. He felt warmth graze over his cheek, skin so soft that it made him moan and he looked up- blue eyes red and puffy. His breath caught in his throat as a woman, no an angel, stared down at him with a tender gaze. Her fingers trailed down his neck, over his right shoulder and down his arm, feeling the violent heartbeat that lied underneath. A hot track was left behind where ever she touched. Her eyes mesmerised him, like a priest to a bible or a mosquito to a bug zapper. Amongst the vast darkness that had become the cave, her eyes shone like the moon- beautiful, radiant and pure. Could such a woman come from the depths of Hell?

“I-I want to love.”

It was like someone else had said it for him, his mouth moving on its own accord. More tears raced down his face and she smiled lovingly, wiping them away without a thought. The Antichrist sighed in bliss before reaching out to touch her waist. He prayed that she wasn’t some illusion sent to torture him but when his own fingers made contact with her skin, there was only sheer relief that flooded his system. Ice had cooled the pools of boiling lava.

“Love can be painful,” she cautioned.

“I know.”

The Antichrist pulled her onto his lap as she kissed him with the force of all the layers of Hell covered in all the sweetness that Spring and Summer could bring. A raging storm concocted of a gentle breeze that soothed his aches and filled his bones. A hunger, a calling, a demand was met and was sealed with his blood coating and smearing against her chest and stomach. A lover sent from Satan.

When Michael opened his eyes, he found himself staring up at the ceiling of the Ritual Room. It was dark as the choir of candles had been snuffed when they drowned in their own wax. His whole body felt as if it was Hell itself- endless burning and evil. It was a feeling he used to have. With a low groan that rattled his throat, a sneer appeared over his lips and he turned to face the woman that was bare next to him. She clung to Michael like he was her lifeline- her own heartbeat. The man rolled over to look at her properly, a hand coming to stroke her blushing cheeks. Her eyes fluttered open and met his. Without hesitation, she returned the gesture, running her hand through his long, strawberry blonde hair- something that would become a habit.

“What is your name, my heart?” he purred.

“(Y/N).”

“A beautiful name,” he hesitated for a moment, “do you know who I am?”

The Antichrist, he anticipated to hear, that’s all I am.

She felt the mark of the beast behind his ear, but her face never faltered from the smile. She traced over the fresh scars that had healed from the beginning of the ritual. She analysed the blood that was covering the both of them.

“You are Michael Langdon.”

From that moment on, Michael knew he would never get his heart back.

[taeddybearkim]

The Hidden World // Part One [Updated!]

cr.

Genre: Hogwarts!AU, occasional angst & comedy

Pairing: Jongdae x Female Reader, ft. EXO

Series Masterlist

My world was not typical.

Sure, it had some similarities to yours perhaps, but nothing could be entirely identical to mine.

I was doomed from the moment I was born.

I had parents, or at least I hoped so, but they hadn’t been around for such a long time that everyone had reckoned that they had died. Including me.

I wasn’t waiting for anyone. I knew I was all alone.

I knew it. The kids at the orphanage knew it. The head of the orphanage knew it.

Maybe that was why none of them were nice to me. 

Nobody knew who I was, who my parents were, or where I had come from.

It only made sense that I was abandoned immediately after I was born and my parents had died right then and there as well.

To this day, nobody at the orphanage told me the story of how I ended up there.

No matter how I had ended up there, I really wish that I hadn’t.

Every single day was a pain. Pain as I woke up between the thin cover that lay between me and the cold ground, pain as I walked around the other kids, pain as I ate with all of them stealing glances at me, pain as I was scolded for the smallest things.

That’s why I liked to run away from the pain sometimes.

I would run away to the attic, I would run away to the back fence, I would run away into the bathroom if it was empty.

Since they knew nothing about me and they needed some way to label me, the headmistress of the orphanage called me in one day, when I was presumed to be 7 years old, to settle some things about me.

Even though I was 7, I had learned how to read, and spent some of my time between meals on reading.

That was how I came to choose the name Y/N for myself, when the headmistress told me to decide on a name. I had read it in a book, where Y/N was a lonely, but strong girl who lived in the forest with her companion, a wolf named Chen, and was looking for her family.

The day I came in, September 22, 1992, the nurses at the orphanage had told the headmistress that I might as well have been born on that same day because of the state they had found me in.

That’s why I told her that my birthday should be the 22nd of September when she asked me so.

Now you know some things about me. Y/N, born on September 22, 1992. That is all you know. And that is all I know as well. 

If you would ask me when my world became even more atypical, I would say September 22, 2003; without doubt.

It was a somewhat typical day, though: I had run away into the attic again, softly crying as I pulled my knees closer to myself, wondering what sin I had committed to receive such harsh treatment from the older boys of the orphanage.

For a moment, I think, I had forgotten that it was my 11th birthday. 

And it was at that moment that a beautiful white owl flew through the open attic window, circled around, dropped the letter it was holding inside its claws, and left with the same speed it had entered.

The letter was sealed with an emblem that was divided into 4 pieces. Hesitantly, I reached out to it and began to read the cover.

Y/N L/N

The Attic

Madam Rosemary’s Orphanage

Y/Ci, Y/Co (Your city, Your country)

Surprised was one word I could use to describe what I felt at that moment. This was a letter. Specifically addressed for me, in the exact place I was in.

A thought ran through my head. Did this mean that there was someone looking for me?

Quickly, I opened up the letter and began to read.

Dear Miss Y/N,

We are pleased to inform you that you have a place at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment.

Term begins on 1 September. We await your owl by no later than 31 July.

Yours sincerely,

Minerva McGonagall

Deputy Headmistress

Another headmistress, I thought. I had already had enough of one. Yet this one was offering something that Madam Rosemary could never offer.

An invitation to a school of magic.

That was what it was, right?

Witchcraft and wizardry had to mean magic.

I took out the second piece of paper and read through the list of equipment. Some of them were things I had never heard before.

I looked at the first paper again. 1 September. That was practically a year away.

Even so, I now had something to look forward to.

Because I sincerely believed that whoever these people at Hogwarts were, they were looking for me.

I could finally belong somewhere.

And I didn’t have to be alone anymore.

I decided that I was going to take action in July since there was nothing I could do and nowhere I could stay if I left right away.

So I counted the days until July. I counted every single day.

And when it finally came, I looked for an opportunity to sneak out and run away from the orphanage.

My whole summer, up until that point, consisted of memorizing the intervals in which they checked on us while also looking for an easy way to get across the fence. Since I had no belongings except the letter, getting across would be easy. All I needed was a proper spot to do so.

I found a gap in the fence on July 15. It was hidden behind a lot of bushes, but I reckoned I could get through.

I made my attempt that evening.

And that was how I ended up at Hogwarts.

Three years later

“Now, who could tell me what happened in the Battle of Hogwarts?”

History of Magic was the saddest class I had. Mainly because everyone fell asleep in that class and I felt really sorry for Professor Binns, so I always made sure to answer his questions.

“Voldemort and his followers attacked Hogwarts, sir, but they were faced with the students and the teachers of Hogwarts. Both sides gave lots of casualties, but in the end, Voldemort was defeated and Hogwarts was restored back to how it was.”

“Wonderful as always, Miss Y/N. Now, all of you wake up!”

Professor Binns amplified his voice in the last sentence, and that was enough to wake everybody up.

“Listen up, you sleepy fools. I want a summary of the last chapter by two days’ time. Everyone except for Miss Y/N is obligated to do this homework.”

“Why is she an exception?” A Slytherin girl named Cressida Cassia spoke up in between the collective whining of the students, making sure to tone her speech in the most annoying way possible. I reckoned she hated me because she was a pureblood, yet nobody knew what I was. I guess that made it inevitable for me to be considered equal to a Muggle-born.

“Because, Miss Cassia, Miss Y/N pays attention unlike the groggy lot you are. Ah, the bell should ring any minute now. Off you go, out of my classroom!”

I placed my textbook in my bag and got up at a fairly fast pace as the bell rang, and slowly walked out of the classroom.

It was Thanksgiving today, so the main hall was prepared for a feast. I made my way to the Gryffindor table and sat wherever was unoccupied, since I lacked proper friends. I had no idea why I had been placed in Gryffindor in the first place. I had legitimately expected the Sorting Hat to say, “You have no origins and no significance whatsoever, so I cannot place you into a house.” Yet that patched-up piece of cloth had screamed “Gryffindor” almost immediately after it was placed on my head, and I could swear that I heard a small chuckle from it that day.

As I began reaching out to the various foods that had been waiting to be eaten, a group of boys sat next to and across me. They were too busy talking among themselves that they couldn’t even bother to look at who they were sitting next to, but I could swear that I had felt one of them gazing at me for at least five minutes, even before they had come to sit down.

Once the boys settled down, they began to reach for the foods on the table. The boys and I sat in silence as we ate for a while, until one of them broke it.

“Um, hello, what is your name?”

I looked around for a few seconds, since I thought that they were talking to someone else. But they weren’t.

“It was Y/N, right?” another voice sounded, and I actually turned to look at who they were.

They were a total group of seven. The one who asked the question was a boy with a soft face and soft eyes, his eyes crinkled as he smiled, he had dark hair and his lips folded in perfect symmetry. I recalled the one who knew my name to be Oh Sehun, whom I shared Herbology with.

For a second, I thought I recognized some of them, but that was impossible.

We couldn’t possibly be acquainted... right?

Right.

I looked at the rest of them with a blank face for a few seconds, before remembering that they had asked me a question.

“Y-Yeah. My name is Y/N, as in ‘Y/N and Chen.’ Nice to meet you. It was Oh Sehun, right?” I turned to him as I finished my sentence. “Y/N as in ‘Y/N and Chen’” was how I introduced myself every time, because it made it easier for people to recognize. That kids’ story had surely influenced my life a lot.

“Yeah, but you can call me Sehun if you want,” Sehun winked, while the one who had asked the question in the first place was speechless for a moment as his eyes locked onto mine. It felt like I had seen him somewhere. But no. That was not possible.

“Nice to meet you, Y/N, my name is Jongdae,” he finally spoke. Jongdae? Why did that name sound so familiar? His smile was back on his face again. "'Y/N and Chen'? I love that story!" another one exclaimed. "Oh, I'm Baekhyun, by the way." I smiled and nodded my head down in a slight bow before I proceeded to finish up my raspberry juice.

“I have Herbology with her,” Sehun said suddenly, which made me turn to look at him again, and I reckoned that he had only spoken right now because he had just finished chewing on his chicken. “Oh, now that I think about it, I think I had Flying class with her on our first year. This must mean that you are a 4th year student too, right?” The boy that sat straight across me spoke, he had a soft and small face, and I reckoned he might as well make a living as an actor because he certainly looked the part.

“Yeah, I am a 4th year student, though I don’t remember you from class. I’m sorry.”

“That’s alright, it’s probably because we were too busy flying around,” he said with a cute smile. “Well, since we haven’t been properly introduced, I’m Junmyeon.” Junmyeon extended his hand across the table, and I shook it shortly in order to be as polite as he had been. For some reason, this name sounded familiar as well.

For a second, I thought I saw Jongdae cringe as we shook hands with Junmyeon. I didn’t understand why. He later smiled so brightly that his eyes crinkled again, and looked at me. “We’re all 4th years, too!” he exclaimed, before turning to the boy next to him and giving him a small punch on his shoulder, “Except Nini of course, he’s only a 2nd year.”

“I told you not to call me that,” the boy muttered, before turning to greet me. “My real name is Jongin. You seem kind of familiar, by the way,” he added with a smile, as a few other boys joined in on his remark.

“Oh, is that so?” I didn’t understand why this group of boys, quite attractive for a fact, had suddenly taken interest in me. I didn’t flash with attractiveness like other girls did, and my only significance was that I did good in my classes, I had picked up on flying quite quickly too. That was all there was about me. I didn’t know what family I came from, and had certainly made no friends in the three years I had spent here.

Their smiles told me otherwise, though.

Or maybe I was just that desperate.

So desperate that I thought that maybe, just maybe, these seven boys wanted to be friends with me.

Or maybe they wanted to use me. 

“It was really nice meeting you all,” I said as I got up and looked at their faces, “I should really get going. Have a nice evening.”

The anticipation was eating me from the inside out, so I thought that leaving them altogether would take my mind off them and what their intentions were. Even though that meant leaving all the delicious Thanksgiving food and walking up to the dorms earlier than anyone else.

And even though my mind attempted to recognize them.

Their names sounded extremely familiar, though.

No, that couldn’t be.

That definitely couldn’t be.

After I arrived in the empty Common Room, I placed my bag on a window sill and climbed up to sit there. The night, or at least the part of it that was visible through the window, was beautiful. A few torches glowed on the grounds below, while the stars glowed on the skies above. They were so visible that I made out some of the constellations that we had learned in Astronomy class. I really liked that class, because we would go up to the tower sometimes, on nights like this where the stars seemed touchable. The Whomping Willow shook gloomily on the corner of my vision, but I soon closed my eyes because the crackling of the fire in the common room sounded so relaxing for a moment.

And in that moment, I realized that I was truly alone.

Jongdae’s Point of View

She didn’t recognize me.

Throughout the entire feast, that was all I could think about.

She didn’t recognize me.

She forgot about me.

I was only shaken out of my trans as my brother Junmyeon made a remark.

“Dae, she seemed kind of familiar, didn’t she? Have we met her before?”

Yes, I replied internally, but didn’t voice anything as we proceeded to eat.

“Dae hyung, doesn’t she seem kind of similar to the noona that visited us before you and Myeon hyung started school?” Jongin broke in this time. He too, was right. But I didn’t say anything in response again.

Because she had forgotten about us.

My older brother, Minseok, and his friend, Yixing, joined us later into the dinner since they had been studying in the library. They were older than us after all, and had harder exams to prepare for.

We had just started walking back toward the dorms when I slipped away from the group.

“Guys, I’ll be right back, alright?” I started walking in the opposite direction, but was immediately bombarded with questions.

“Where are you going?”

“Did you forget something?”

“Are you going to see someone?”

Dismissing all of them for the task in mind, I proceeded to walk. “Never mind that, I’ll be right back.” I stopped in my tracks as I realized something I would need. “Jongin, can I borrow a pencil real quick?”

As soon as Jongin handed me a pencil, I walked to the end of the hallway and into the owlery. Could it be? I wondered to myself, on the way there. Had I really found the one I was looking for after three years?

Yes, I had. It had to be her. She was the only person in the world who would introduce herself using that book’s name. 

That was also how she had introduced herself when I first met her, three years ago.

She hadn’t changed much, either. Her figure was the same, she was still her usual shy self, and her gentle heart hadn’t faltered the slightest bit.

I couldn’t believe we hadn’t run into each other after being separated three years ago. That’s why I was beyond surprised when I saw her sitting there, all alone.

Yet, she didn’t recognize me. 

Perhaps she had completely erased me after we were forcefully separated.

How lonely she must have been...

Breathing back a few tears, I ripped out a piece of paper from my notebook and using the pencil Jongin gave me, I scribbled a note on top of a window sill in the owlery. After I was done, I called out to a specific brown owl with black stripes.

“Take this home,” I told him as he proceeded to fly out of the owlery.

My note consisted of four words.

“Mother, I’ve found her.”

A/N: Damn they got raspberry juice, they rich

Anyway, this is a new series obviously and I hope you’ll enjoy it!

Updated A/N: My stupid self forgot to add major story points hahaha isn’t that fun

Ask and request here

-  ~.~

-- Masterlist --

[minniethemoocherda]

A Night to Remember

A/N A birthday gift for @roninreverie. A sequel to her amazing fic Eyeliner

“Now remember if anyone asks why we’re linking arms, it’s because you blinded yourself putting on that eyeliner and didn’t want to accidently walk of a balcony, ok?” Eli reminded Thrawn sternly, trying to hide his nerves as the elevator took them to the gala.

“I understand Cadet Vanto.” Thrawn said calmly, his red eyeliner shining proudly under his luminous eyes. His appearance contrasted entirely to Eli who was fairly certain that the Chiss could feel his nerves vibrating through them from where their arms were linked. He wondered if it was physically possible for the Chiss, Thrawn or his species, to even feel nervous.

The elevator pinged to announce that it had reached its destination which did nothing to help Eli’s nerves.

“Breathe.” Thrawn reminded him, his voice sounding softer than usual to Eli’s ears.

Taking his friend’s advice he took a deep breathe. His speeding heart calmed slightly as the doors slid open to reveal a lavish ballroom. It was situated on the highest level of one of Coruscant’s many skyscrapers with balconies that looked over the entire city and was entirely decorated with noteworthy artefacts. Eli fondly noticed how Thrawn’s gaze assessed them all. It was beautiful.

The same however could not be said for the people in the room. Sure physically a lot of them were admittedly very stunning with gorgeous outfits but Eli had been forced to identify core world snobs early in his life and nearly everyone in this room made alarm bells ring inside his head.

Swallowing his nerves, Eli’s grip tightened on Thrawn’s arm as they entered the ballroom. Nobody paid them much attention at first, too busy wrapped up in their own snobbish egos. But it didn’t take long for people to notice the only blue skinned being in a room of varying shades of white and brown.

As they walked deeper into the room soon everyone in their vacancy had stopped to stare. Eli felt like an animal on parade at a zoo as they pointed and jeered. Every direction he turned his head people were whispering loudly into each other’s ears, not bothering to hide their gossiping. Eli wasn't sure of it was because of Thrawn's species or his make up or both.

However despite their intrigue no one seemed willing to talk to the pair directive. They even either concisely or subconsciously left at least two metres of space between them until Eli and Thrawn were trapped in the middle of an empty circle. That was until one man stepped forwards

By his perfectly chiselled face and ice-blue eyes Eli able to immediately recognise the man from the numerous propaganda holovids he had been forced to watch as Lieutenant Colonel Senjax.

Everyone, including Eli waited with bated breath as he strolled towards them, a pretty young blonde not far behind him as she held onto his arm in a similar fashion to how Eli had hold of Thrawn’s.

"So you must by the Emperor’s new pet.” Senjax stated with a cruel smile that was very different from the million credit beam he wore in his holovids. Around them people chuckled and the blonde woman even giggled. Eli found himself once again asking the maker why he hadn’t given humans the ability to turn invisible.

"Pet?" Thrawn blinked, apparently not having come across the term in basic before.

"An animal someone keeps for companionship." Eli told him automatically. He wished he hadn't opened his mouth however when Senjax along with everyone else’s eyes swerved to him at the sound of his wild space accent.

"And you must be his handler." Senjax drawled.

Eli bristled at the comment but tried to hide it with a forced smile although he doubted it was very effective. He was wondering how to answer when Thrawn spoke for him.

"Apologies, but I am not a pet nor he my handler. We are cadets at The Imperial Academy."

Eli was a mixture of relieved and worried when Senjax once again turned his attention back to the non-human. Somehow the man’s smile had gotten even crueller.

"Is that where you learned to do this?" He said gesturing to the line of red under Thrawn's eyes. “Do they teach you how to paint your nails whilst gossiping about boys there too?”

Eli felt an unexpected surge of anger inside him at the man's words. He might agree with the man that the make-up was a bit ridiculous but wearing it made Thrawn happy which was all that mattered in Eli's mind.

He wasn't sure what words would have come out of his mouth if Thrawn hadn't spoken first once again.

"I do not understand." He said, the slight turn of his head that most people would miss but after being around him for so long Eli had come to recognise as a sign of the Chiss' confusion.

"Well there’s a surprise. Dumb aliens." Senjax muttered to the blonde under his breath. Eli had never considered himself a violent person but he was seriously considering punching the smug smile of the man's face.

"No, what I do not understand is why you are mocking me for wearing make-up when you are wearing make-up yourself."

Turns out punching the man wasn't necessary as those words made his smile disappear in an instant.

"I...what...I am not!" Senjax stuttered. But now Thrawn had pointed it out, it was impossible for him not to notice the dusting of foundation across the man's face. And Eli wasn't the only one. All around them, the people that had once been staring at Thrawn now turned their gaze to Senjax. Eli didn't feel any sympathy as they started whispering as the vile man instead. The blonde woman even snorted a laugh.

Senjax growled, sounding just like the animal he’d claimed Thrawn to be.

"You filthy-"

Whatever he had been about to say was cut off as a new man joined their conversation.

"Leitenanut Cololonel Senjax”

Eli’s mouth nearly dropped open. Standing proudly next to them was Colonel Yularen. He'd looked up to the man ever since he'd driven the Separatists from his home planet of Lysatra. And his admiration had only grown with his rallying speeches on the holonet.

"Colonel Yularen sir." Senjax stumbled, immediately standing to attention. The crowd that had gathered around them instantaneously dispersed, not wanting to get reprimanded by the Colonel. Although it was clear that some of them wished they could stay to eavesdrop. Senjax's date was amongst them leaving the man defenceless.

"I hear Admiral Konstantine has been looking for you." Yularen said in a commanding voice. Eli thought about the idea that Yularen had only said that to protect them from the lieutenant’s jeers but despite how much he admired him, he still doubted that a respected Coruscanti man like Yularen would actually try to save people like him and Thrawn.

"I...yes...I'll go find him." Senjax stammered. Not a moment later he fled the scene, like one of the criminals in his holovids.

Once the man was gone Yularen diverted his attention to Eli and Thrawn.

"Ah Cadet Thrawn and Cadet Vanto. I am Colonel Yularen, it's a please to finally meet you." He said in a kinder tone than the one he’d used on Senjax. He held out his hand and Eli was a little star struck as he shook it. The shake was firm but the twinkle in his grey eyes was kind. It was then that was when Eli knew that he was just as strong yet warm hearted as he'd imagined.

"I’ve heard great things about the pair of you. I know you're going to make the Empire proud." He said heartily.

"Thank you sir." Eli blushed.

"Yes thank you," Thrawn echoed in a slightly colder tone as his arm tightened his grip around Eli's elbow. Eli thought it was a little odd but eventually decided that Thrawn must still be upset over senjax's words.

Fortunately Yularen didn't seem to notice as he was too busy glanced at their intertwined arms with a subtle smile.

“Come,” The man told them kindly. “Let me introduce you to some folks who would love to meet you.”

Eli glanced up at Thrawn to find those large red eyes already looking down at him. Eli easily read Thrawn’s small change of expression as those blue arches rose higher on his head as he silently asked Eli if this man was trustworthy. Eli nodded in response.

“We would greatly appreciate that Colonel.” Thrawn responded. The old man smiled.

Eli still clung to Thrawn’s arm as Yularen waltzed them around the ballroom. The Colonel introduced them to a lot of influential people, making sure to state how they were the best in their classes and that the Emperor himself had insisted Thrawn join the Academy here on Coruscant. The people who Yularen introduced them too were mostly other colonels and generals although some were senators and politicians. Surprisingly most of them didn’t seem bothered by Thrawn’s species or Eli’s accent, instead finding the pair genuinely interesting. Eli quickly guessed that this the reason Yularen had decided to introduce them to these people in particular. However some of them seemed a little bit too interested for Eli’s liking.

One woman in particular appeared especially interested in Thrawn. She was a senator of some kind with long raven hair and honey brown eyes that roamed all over the Chiss’ body. Eli subconsciously held Thrawn’s arm even tighter and moved closer so that he was almost pressed against the other man’s side.

Suddenly the host of the gala stood up on a large pedestal in the middle of the ballroom, immediately silencing any conversations. Eli’s attention drifted as she droned on about how great the Empire was and how happy she was to see everyone here showing their support. Although by the ways her eyes lingered on him and Thrawn, he guessed that she was more happy to see some people here than others. Eventually her speech came to an end as everyone raised their glasses to toast to the long reign of the Emperor. Eli savoured the taste of alcohol down his throat. He knew that he was probably going to end up drinking a lot more before the night was over.

Once she left the pedestal the band that up until this point had been completely silent started playing a slow moving melody that reminded Eli of the life day hymns the used to sign back on his home world.

“It has been a pleasure meeting you both however I have a dance reserved with the senator of Mykapo and I’d hate to keep her waiting. I hope you have a splendid night.” Yularen said tom them with a knowing look in his eye before heading off to find his senator. His words caused Eli to realise how all round them people sorted themselves into pairs as they made their way into the centre of the ballroom to dance. He stood awkwardly next to Thrawn unsure of what to do. He doubted many people wanted to dance with the wild space yokel.

He was about to suggest to Thrawn that maybe they would go sit by the bar when the raven haired governor interrupted him.

“How about a dance red eyes?” She suggested in a sultry voice, stroking her hand up and down Thrawn’s free arm. Eli felt bad for feeling satisfied as Thrawn moved away from the woman and into his side.

“I am grateful for your offer however Cadet Vanto is already my dance partner.” Thrawn stated, walking away from the woman.

Eli knew it was childish but couldn’t help sending a smug smile over his shoulder as she glared at their retreating forms.

“Nice save.” Eli whispered into Thrawn’s ear, assuming that the Chiss had just created an excuse so that he didn’t have to dance with that woman. But when Thrawn turned to face him, he had a surprisingly disappointed expression on his face.

“I do not understand why ‘nice save’ is a suitable term for this context. As we arrived together I assumed that this would also make us dance partners.”

“Oh.” Eli said, unsure for a moment what to think. He contemplated explaining to Thrawn that just because they came together didn’t necessary make them dance partner. Especially since they weren’t a couple. But after a few moments he decided against it as Thrawn looked so genuinely dejected at the prospect of not experiencing another fascinating aspect of human culture and it wasn’t as though Eli’s night could get any more embarrassing.

“Then sure, I would love to dance with you.”

Thrawn’s face brightened with the largest smile Eli had ever seen him wear.

“Likewise, Cadet Vanto.” Thrawn said as he led him on the dancefloor.

“Call me Eli.” The human blushed as blue arms wrapped in white silk circled his waist.

“Eli.” Thrawn said, tasting the name on his thin tongue, making Eli blush even harder.

Embarrassed he tried to avoid Thrawn’s gaze as he placed his hands that were broader than a man who had spent the last few years in exile ought to be. Not that Eli was complaining. But he found that trying to avoid looking into those glowing red eyes were impossible, especially with the way the eyeliner made them ‘pop’.

Eli was surprised to find that Thrawn’s eyes mirrored his. Gazing into his large brown orbs as though they held the key to the universe. Their eyes stayed locked in each other’s eyes for the rest of the night.

[kamandzak]

Excerpt - Letters From Ernest

I started a new book, y’ll

Here’s chapter 5

Synopsis: Aoife Walsh's parents have raised her and her brother through means that are not the best; convinced that everything can be chalked up to teenage laziness, the two parents run their successful business and hound their children to an unhealthy degree. But when Aoife's brother commits suicide, everything changes and it's up to her to unpack the demons her brother kept inside.

“Aoife what do you mean? We’ve been over this before; it wasn’t your fault. It was nobody’s fault.”

“Stop saying that!” I shouted at Phil and he closed his mouth, sliding his chair away from me. Never before had he seemed so taken aback.

Mr. and Mrs. Cameron had met in college, when they were friends with my parents. After school, they got married just a few months apart and when Phil’s mom got pregnant with his older sister, Penelope, they bought a house and moved a few cities away to Hamish. A house down the street went up for sale a year later and mom and dad bought it. Two years later, Ernest was born, and then within months of each other, Phil and I were brought into the world. We were as close to one another as siblings.

This was the first time in all seventeen years of our lives that I had dared to yell at him.

“I didn’t mean to-.”

“Remember my actual birthday two weeks ago? We couldn’t go out because I had a tournament the next day.”

“Right.”

“Before I left that Saturday, Ernest said he had a birthday present for me that he hadn’t wanted to give me in front of our parents. It was a big box, and he told me to take in on the bus and open it then and I did. Remember what was in it?”

“Of course. It was all of his Clansmen stuff.”

“Right. His signed set list from the one time mom and dad actually let him go and do something, his shirts, his CD’s and their EP record that was the reason for him to buy a record player. He gave me this ring too, remember?” I took the circle of metal off my finger and slammed it on the table. “He gave me something that meant something to him; something that he wanted to go to a good home. He knew then, Phil! He knew that he was going to do something and he wanted to make sure things he cared about ended up in the right hands!”

“What makes you say this?”

“Because he did the same thing with Coach! He gave him back the CD from freshman year with all the music on it. And you know what he told Coach? Ernest said that he realized he ‘shouldn’t need music to feel motivated’. It sounds so much like mom it makes me want to throw up. Coach told me today… he said that he thinks Ernest knew what he was going to do and that he wanted to make sure the CD ended back with its owner. Ernest told him that maybe he could give the CD to another athlete who was worth helping. Why didn’t I see it?” I cried out, attracting the attention of other students. “Why did I open that box and think that my brother - the biggest Clansmen fan I know - giving away all his Clansmen gear was a perfectly natural thing?”

All the while, Phil was throwing our half-eaten lunches into their boxes. As I panted against the panic, he grabbed my arm and my backpack and pulled me out of the lunchroom and into an abandoned classroom.

“What other stuff has he given away to people? What if he left things for mom and dad and they never realized either? Why didn’t I say something to him?” The same explosion of emotion I had seen in Eva in the early hours of the morning finally escaped from my chest days after losing Ernest. “What if I could have saved him?”

Phil said nothing. Instead he stood next to me, hand on my hunched shoulders, backpacks and lunchboxes hanging from his hand, slumped against the floor.

Eventually he dropped them and held his left hand towards me, sticking his pinky in front of my face, the Clansmen ring wrapped around it snuggly. I tugged it off and placed it in my pocket.

“We shouldn’t be here,” he said quietly.

“But there’s no one in the room s-.”

“I meant here. At school. We shouldn’t be here. We need time. Or at least, you need time.”

“Mom’ll never buy it. Can you imagine what she’d say?” A little worry and panic was beginning to fill me up. “And I definitely can’t miss practice. There’s another tournament and-.”

“Aoife, Ernest is dead,” Phil said bluntly. “Not even Superman himself would be able to deal with it without taking some time.”

“Should I call home?”

“I think so, yes.”

Dad answered the phone, which surprised me. I figured after hitting the voicemail, I’d be forced to all one of them at work.

“Hello?”

“Dad?”

“Aoife? Is everything okay?”

“I think I need to come home?”

“Okay. I’ll come pick you up.”

The line went dead and I stared at Phil with surprise.

“Dad’s coming to pick me up. He didn’t make a big deal out of it.”

“I’ll go tell your teachers,” Phil said, turning without a comment on dad’s weird behavior. I wandered down the hallway near the nurses office and the guidance department, reading the postings on the wall to distract myself.

I glanced in one of the rooms and saw Nurse Ellie sitting in front of her computer, filling out a form. My first period had been in sixth grade, when Nurse Ellie was at the middle school. She had helped me.

“Hello?” I knocked on the doorframe. She looked up and immediately her face read of sadness. She rose and pulled me into the office and into her arms.

“I’m so sorry, Aoife,” she said into my hair. “Coach came and told me.”

“He did?”

“He did. We were both a little worried about your brother at one point and talked about it a little.”

“What did he do? Why were you worried?”

“I’m not sure I should tell you,” she hesitated.

“Is there anything you can tell me? I’m trying to figure out what happened.”

Nurse Ellie looked nervously around her room before her eyes seemed to land on something behind me. I turned and came face-to-face with a closet.

“I supposed there’s really no reason for me to have this anymore, is there?” she asked, though it seemed she was talking to the air around us. She reached in the closet and pulled out a piece of clothing. My heart stopped.

Ernest’s jacket.

“Why do you have that?” I choked out as she handed it to me. It still smelled like him.

“He came to give it to me last week. He said he was feeling better and didn’t need it anymore.”

“When was he not feeling good? What did he mean?”

Nurse Ellie smiled at me sadly and pulled a tissue from the box, poking at the corners of her eyes under her glasses.

“I can’t talk about it. Why are you here, Aoife?”

“I’m waiting for dad. He’s coming to take me home.”

“It’s all a little overwhelming, isn’t it?”

From down the hallway I could hear dad’s voice asking for me. Times like these made me thankful that we only lived a few blocks from the high school.

“Yeah.”

The short drive home was silent. I wanted to know why dad was at home. I wanted to know why he hadn’t objected to my request to come home. I wanted to know so many things but as I held Ernest’s jacket in my lap, all I could do was breathe.

We pulled into the garage and I saw the empty space where dad’s ladder lived. As far as I knew, it was still in Ernest’s room. The frayed end of the rope spool hung against the shelf, blown around by the air vent directly to the right. As we walked up the stairs and into the living room, I saw the gray mark across the wall where the ladder had scraped the paint.

The house was silent. Dad’s laptop and work cell phone were on the dining room table. On the large television was a paused image of a tall man in glasses. He was reading from a book.

“What’s that?” I asked at last.

“Just listening to a sermon.”

We hadn’t gone to church in years. Mom and dad wanted one day a week, they had told Ernest and I, of no obligations. They overworked, spending weekdays visiting clients and weekends reviewing floor plans and contracts and colors for their construction and interior design business.

“Why?”

“It’s nice to remember that something is bigger than you. Where did you find that jacket?” dad asked, voice cracking as he sat down.

“School,” I said, avoiding the real location. Until I knew exactly why Nurse Ellie had Ernest’s jacket in her closet, I couldn’t subject dad to the knowledge that Ernest was much more screwed up than any of us thought.

“Do your teachers know that you left?”

“Phil told them.”

“Mom’s at a site and she’ll be out late.”

“Is that why you’re home?”

Dad looked at me with flat, dead eyes.

“I couldn’t work in the office. Have Phil come over here and we’ll have chicken.”

“We have chicken?”

“Pastor Nolan brought some over. He brought three meals and some DVD’s,” he gestured to the television.

“That was nice of him.”

“I know. Make sure Phil comes over. I don’t like the idea of you having to be by yourself. Go listen to some of that band you love so much.” I burst into tears and dad looked up, alarmed. “What?”

“Ernest loved them?” I quasi-asked before leaving the room. I wasn’t sure if I wanted dad to follow me down the hallway or not but when he didn’t, I wasn’t disappointed.

Aoife:

dad says come over after school

moms working late and pastor nolan

brought us dinner

dad says he doesn’t want me to be alone 

Phil:

will do

but i legit have homework that i don’t

know how to do

so will you help me?

Aoife:

of course, nerd

I had hours before Phil would be at our doorstep with our customary once-a-week slurpees and a backpack full of homework so I opened my computer, pulled up the playlist Ernest and I had aptly named clansmen, but slow and sad. It was just that. I wasn’t sure what to listen to while combing through Ernest’s birthday present to me, but it certainly couldn’t be anything happy.

The bands unique cover of Yesterday by The Beatles was sad enough. I stared at the signed set list, all five of the band members names scrawled in various handwriting. There was Sam, the trumpeter who Phil adored, and Martin the saxophonist, Travis and Dillon and Fred, the older of the five, who played guitar and drums and bass. All the big hits and a few new releases. Mom and dad had let him go for his sixteenth birthday, despite knowing the language at their shows. His birthday was February 24th. He had died a week before he was supposed to turn nineteen.

I didn’t want to stain the list with my sadness so I put it away, pulling out the shirts Ernest had bought over the years, or that had been bought for him. Then there were the CD’s and the records. All of it was here. If there was anything else it was in his room and I didn’t dare to enter. Maybe when I was ready, it would be a sign that I was starting to feel better.

A light knock interrupted my dig and it opened a second later. Phil’s face appeared in the crack.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

He entered and sat down next to me,

“I’m sorry about earlier.”

“What do you mean?”

“I didn’t mean to make you upset. It’s just a lot and I don't know how to handle it? Is this the stuff Ernest gave you?”

“It’s okay,” I leaned into him. “What did my teachers say?”

“They all got it. They said that it’s good for you to take some time to be with your family.”

“Dad worked from home today.”

“I know. I saw he took over the dinner table. Is he watching a church service?”

“Pastor Nolan brought some DVD’s over when he brought over the dinners. I think it makes him feel better.”

Dad appeared in the doorway where Phil was moments before and knocked quietly.

“Want some dinner, you two?”

“Sure.”

The dinner was good; chicken with potatoes and green beans. I barely had the energy to chew.

“Aoife?”

“Yes, dad?”

“Do you want to stay home from school for a few days?”

I choked on my food.

“Do I want to do what?”

“Stay home. Your mom and I talked this morning. She wants you to continue your practices and assignments but I can’t help but think it might be best if you stay home for a little while. I went to work today and couldn’t sit still. I needed to be here. I thought maybe we could hang out. You could do your homework while I do my work and then we could just spend some time together.”

“I… yeah,” I breathed out, at least over the shock of my fathers suggestion. “Yeah, that sounds great.”

“You can come over whenever, as long as it’s not during school,” dad said to Phil. “To be honest you’re as much of a child to me as my children are and were. It’s nice to have you around.”

“That’s very nice of you to offer. I know nothing about the math I’m supposed to be learning so I’ll probably come over and beg Aoife to teach me.”

We dissolved into a little forced laughter and continued to eat, the food tasting more like food than bland mush. My phone beeped and I jumped a bit before continuing to eat.

“Aren’t you going to get that?” dad asked.

“But it’s the dinner table.”

“You can read it if you want.”

Phil:

i have THOUGHTS about what is happening rn

“Anything interesting?” dad asked as I looked up.

“Just a spam email,” I mumbled as Phil put his phone back in his pocket and patted my leg.

“Do you all have homework tonight?”

“Yeah. We’ll go do that in a little bit.”

“What were you doing in your room beforehand?”

It was such a weird thing, watching and listening to this new dad in front of me. He had the same curiosity as he and mom always had about what Ernest and I would do, but he was letting me check my phone at the table and encouraging me to take a break and telling me that he loved me. I wasn’t going to complain but still… it was like I had an imposter dad.

“Just listening to Clansmen.”

He nodded and ate, our faces still illuminated by the tall, bespeckled man.

I heard the door open and mom come in right as Phil and I were settling into the basement. Before we got to today’s assignments, we had to talk about dad. Phil was practically bouncing up and down in his seat as I cracked the door so we could snoop on them when the time was right.

“So what are your thoughts?”

“I think he’s realizing that something him and your mom did messed with Ernest.”

“What makes you say that?”

“He’s changing, isn’t he? He’s easing up on you, he’s telling you he loves you… he’s becoming a new dad because he’s afraid if he doesn’t, you might end up like your brother. He’s terrified.”

“You really think so?”

“I do,” Phil flopped around in the old gray bean bag on the floor so he was staring at me upside down. “I don’t think he has any idea of what he’s doing, but I think he’s trying and that’s admirable.”

“What should I do? Is there anything I can do to help him?”

“The next few days, when it’s just the two of you, try and talk to him about life. Talk about things you wouldn’t normally and see what happens. And then report everything back to me.”

“Obviously. The only thing I’m a little worried about is not going around and finding out more from everyone at school.”

“It’s only a few days. You can come back to school next week and resume your detective work. The way you cried after lunch isn’t something that you should keep in. If your mom is going to make it hard for you to grieve, do it when you’re with your dad. Something tells me he won’t make you feel bad for feeling bad.”

“You did what??” we heard from the upstairs and Phil and I immediately clammed up, inching towards the door.

“I told her she could stay home with me for the rest of the week. I’ll make sure all of her work gets done, trust me. She can work while I’m working.”

“I thought we agreed that it’s best if she keeps a normal routine; if we keep a normal routine. I didn’t even know you were home today! What were you doing? Did you cook?”

“Pastor Nolan brought some food by.”

“And tried to make you go back to services, right?”

“No. He brought some DVD’s that I put on as I was finishing my work. Aoife called halfway through the day and asked to be picked up.”

“And you actually did it? What were you thinking?”

“I was thinking that she hasn’t been given the time to feel sad yet, Mandy! None of us have. It’s just a few days before the weekend and then she’ll go back and see her teachers again. She needs time. This isn’t something that we just put behind us. This is huge.”

“So why is it that I can go back to work but she can’t go back to school?”

“Because she’s seventeen. She’s still learning how to handle things! Hell, I’m fifty and I’m not even sure how to handle this.”

“Well-.”

“Please don’t make this all about you. Please. People process grief in different ways and I don’t think we should force our daughter to go to school when there’s still so much going on and so much to figure out. Are we going to cremate him? Are we having a funeral? Does your family even know? Or are you so ashamed that your son killed himself that you are keeping it all inside. That’s not healthy, Mandy.”

“How dare you assume I’m ashamed of him.”

“How dare I? Really? You’re asking me this after you talked about his future like he was some sort of idiot? You sat around, talking about how you were expecting him to not do well; you sat around talking about how he was a poor representation of your parenting abilities. It’s like I said when we got back from the hospital… this kind of thing doesn’t just happen. There are reasons Ernest felt like he couldn’t go on living. Maybe we need to accept the fact that we didn’t do the best we could. Maybe we need to consider that we didn’t parent him right.”

“And what about Aoife? She’s doing just fine!”

“When has she ever said anything other than she’s fine? Maybe we conditioned her to say that even when she’s not! I’m not going to lose her too!”

The sounds of my mothers heels on the hardwood floor echoed in the basement as I listened to her cross the kitchen and open the fridge.

“I’m not going to deal with this anymore,” she said in that tone that sent chills down my spine every time. “I’m going to shower and go to bed. What you do this week is your own business, I guess. But don’t go thinking that we did a bad job.”

“But we did.”

“We did not. Remember when we first met and we realized that we agreed on parenting style down to a tee? I loved that about us. What’s happened to change you?”

“I no longer have a son. That’s what happened. I just thought maybe you’d change a little too. I thought his life meant more to you than proof you could raise acceptable children. Ernest wasn’t a project; he wasn’t an experiment. He was a human being and we don’t have him anymore.”

I screwed my eyes shut at the sound of my dad’s voice fracturing and my mom’s work shoes ascending the stairs to their room, tears leaking from my eyelids.

“What’s happening?” I whispered.

“Grief,” Phil whispered back.

[5hfanfiction]

I Needed You (5H/Camren/Laucy)

We’re both sitting on a couch in this room, empty coffee table in front of us. Across the room is a middle aged male sitting in a plush leather chair, his name is James. James is a marriage counselor, for a few months now we’ve been seeing James on a bi weekly basis. For the first couple of weeks it was just us staring at him, him waiting patiently for either one of us to speak. Neither of us would say a word, at one point I started to think what’s the point in all this? We’re making zero progress and frankly it’s becoming a waste of my time, I’m starting to come to grips with the fact that my marriage was no longer something that could be mended and then one day she finally spoke.

“We fight” “We don’t fight, you yell and then you leave” “I leave because…We don’t communicate” “We try to communicate you’re just on a completely different page” “Oh because I don’t do what you want?” “No, because you cheated..again.”

“That was a long time ago. We’re fine now.” She says to James I look her way, I scoff “We’re fine.”

•

“There has to be a deeper reason” I say as I’m standing up now pacing the room a bit “There isn’t I already told you. You know why” “What am I suppose to do with that?” “Trust me?” “I trusted you last time and look where it’s gotten us” I point to James “In three years, five years what if you change your mind again? You’ll regret it, because I’m not gonna be here waiting forever.” “I’m not going to change my mind-” “You’ve said all this before! How do you expect me to believe you?” “People make mistakes, I’m not perfect. I made a mistake!” “Why. Tell me why?”

•

“You’re with her all the time, do you really expect me to believe it’s only happened twice in all the years we’ve been together” “You’re just being ridiculous now. I don’t do everything with her plus she’s my best friend, she’s my person-” “I should be your person!” “Be my person. Be my person Lucy! Be my freakin’ person!” “Be MY person.” I whisper

•

James had us try this exercise where we just look at each other, we’re siting face to face and just concentrate on looking at each other. It works for about five minutes before I blink and direct my eyes towards anywhere but hers. I hear her sigh.

“You have to try” she says sounding defeated “I am trying” “We’re suppose to be concentrating on each other and breath. You’re not, your mind is somewhere else other than here.” “Oh so now you know my every thought and intention?” I snap “Don’t do that! Don’t act like you’re the sun and everything revolves around you cause it doesn't” She turns her body away from mine, then sighs deeply “We use to be able to look at each other and we just knew that everything would be ok. ” “I’m here, I’m right here Lauren. I’m trying. Please just look at me.” She turns to face me again “Ok, I’m looking at you” she says to me but in that moment I realize, I’m looking at her but I don’t see her. And it’s jabs like that that are slowly chipping away at my heart.

•

Lauren disengages eye contact this time and turns back around to face forward. “She has to stop holding a grudge, she’s never gonna let this go” she says to James “She has to see me for who I am and that I made a mistake that I’m trying to fix or else-” “Or else what?” “I don’t know!” “Would it kill you to just see things from my side? Maybe what I need is to have my feelings worthy of consideration, my feelings are worth something too that I’m worth more than how I’ve been treated” “It always comes back to this doesn’t it? That I cheated-” “No. It’s who you cheated with” I couldn’t help the sob that escaped “I’m just…I'm…I…” “Lucy, I’m so sorry” “You’re breaking my heart.”

•

Silence, all that is heard is the ticking of the clock on the wall in the big open office. We are both sitting on each side of the couch when suddenly I see James lean forward in his chair and close his notebook.

“I’m afraid our time is up.”

Lauren’s POV

I’ve been calling her for hours and she hasn’t answered any of my calls or texts. I’m really starting to get worried, what if she’s hurt? I’m getting ready to dial her number again when I hear the front door open.

“Luc, where have you been? I’ve been trying to get ahold of you for hours!”

“Relax, my phone died. Where’s Ava?”

“It’s 11, she’s in bed after crying all night wondering where you were! She thought she was gonna spend the day with you.”

She rubs at her temple and sighs as she sits across from me at the table “I know, I’m sorry. I got out of the shoot late and my phones been dead since this afternoon.”

“You look exhausted, where have you been Lucy?” I ask

“I was in a meeting with…Allison” she says

“Allison? Our lawyer Allison?”

“Yeah, she’s gonna draw up some papers for us to look over.”

“No, Lucy. No please, we said we were going to work through this and…and we have been. We’ve been going to counseling and we’ve been communicating better. Luc, please don’t do this.” I’m basically begging her, this isn’t how I thought this day would end

“Lauren you’re unhappy. I’m unhappy, we’ve been walking around in circles tip toeing around each other so Ava doesn’t notice anything is wrong but she notices Lauren. She’s asked me if we’re ok. That’s not something a child should be worried about. We need to do what’s in the best interest of our daughter.”

“We’re the best for our daughter. We’re her parents, her mothers. We need to stay together.”

“That’s the problem Lauren, we’re acting like everything is the same but it’s not. We’re acting like we’re still a happily married couple but we’re not, we're…..it’s like…we're…just friends.”

Camila’s POV

“Lauren hasn’t contacted me in a few weeks, do you think she’s really done?”

“Isn’t that what you wanted Mila?” Mani asks

“Yeah sure I got what I wanted, I don’t know I guess maybe …I just thought she’d fight for me.”

"Think of it this way Walz now you aren’t tied down by anyone you can go to the Met Gala with an amazing date and have the best night of your life!” Dinah says from the kitchen and as she walks into the living room with the pizza we ordered and beer

“Well…yeah..”Mani says as she stuffs a slice of pizza in her mouth

“What?” I ask

“Huh?…. What?.. Nothing?” Mani says

I look towards Ally who is trying to chug a beer in order to not be asked anything “Ally?”

“Camila…it’s really not that big of a deal…it’s a huge event…tons of people…you may not even see her.”

"She’s going? And nobody thought to tell me till now?”

“Again, tons of people you may not even see them.” Mani reiterates

“Them? She’s still with her?”

“Mila, they’re married. She’s trying to fix her marriage.” Ally says as she makes her way towards me and rubs soothing circles on my back as I’m letting her words sink in

“She chose her again….but I don’t think I’m ready to let her go.”

——-later that week at the Met Gala——-

The both of us got here just in time for the carpet to roll out. My date was non other than the beautiful actress Maia Mitchell. We walk the carpet together and head over to the interview side of the carpet separately.

“Camila, you look gorgeous how excited are you for tonight?” “Thank you! I’m very excited it’s a great event and we’re glad we were invited” “Can you tell me any secret inside scoop on the new song Lauren’s preforming tonight? We know you guys have collaborated in the studio not too long ago.” “Um” What? I think to myself, I knew Lauren was going to be here I didn’t know she was preforming. “Anything that comes from Lauren Jauregui is going to be amazing, so just be prepared!” I say which was more than satisfying for the interviewer.

I leave that section of the carpet and see some fans asking for pictures and autographs that I gladly make my way to.

“Hey sweetie” I see she has a ‘Camren’ phone case. These harmonizers never quit I laugh a little to myself “Camila do you think we could get a picture with you and Lauren?!” She asks and others hear and immediately agree “yeah please, can we get a Camren selfie!”

“That one might be up to Lauren guys” I giggle as I sign some posters and phone cases “What might be up to me?!” Her husky voice leaves me at a standstill, the crowd of fans go crazy with screams and hands and phone flying her way to get just a tiny glimpse of the Cuban goddess in front of them. It’s like this is all happening in slow motion for me, she turns to look at me and I decide to check her out shamelessly from top to bottom. She’s wearing a black skin tight dress with her hair in soft waves flowing down to her elbows, she’s let her hair grow again, I’ve always loved her long locks. “Um…uh, they…uh, they want a…” I stutter, I haven’t seen her in months and now here she is right in front of me. And she’s stunning.

“Can we get a group picture with the both of you Lauren pleaseeee” a fan asks bringing me back to reality

“Yeah of course babe, let’s do it!”

We both squeeze in with the group of fans and take a couple pictures. Paparazzi snapped a couple shots of us as well with the fans and some fans handed us their phones to get a different angle of the group as well. Overall I think it turned out great, when we were done security lead us to the end of the carpet and into backstage where we finally had a minute to ourselves.

“Thanks for that back there, the fans really enjoyed it.” I motioned behind us “Absolutely, it was fun.” She’s just looking at me now, ugh why is she so stunning “How have you been Camila?” She asks Camila? She hardly ever calls me that. “I’ve been good, ya know just writing a lot getting plenty of hours in the studio. You, how’s Ava?” “Great, I can’t wait to hear some of it, and she’s great thanks Ava and Lucy are keeping me pretty busy now a days with school, mommy daughter activities and also we’re getting ready to start planning her birthday” “Right! That’s in a few weeks right?” “Yes, June 7th. She wants to formally send out invitations so look out for yours” she says to me “Oh Lauren, its fine you don’t have to really with everything we’ve been through I wouldn’t want to impose.” “What do you mean? Of course you’re coming, your one of her favorite aunts. Listen no matter what happens between…us..I wouldn’t dream of keeping her away from you” “Thank you, that means a lot. And I don’t mean to pry and you definitely don’t have to tell me but…how are you and ..” I didn’t even have to finish she already knew what I was asking “We're….getting there again…we’re working on mending our relationship. It’s hard but…” I see her begin to struggle with her words so I cut her off “I’m sorry seriously don’t worry about it, I don’t need to know. I heard that you guys are trying to work it out and…I think it’s great, Lauren I really do. I’m happy for you, you know all I ever wanted was for you to be happy and …I just…” I started to get a little upset and I’m not sure why, we’re over. I initiated it for us to be over, so why am I feeling this way. She picked Lucy, she picked her wife again over me, shouldn’t that tell me something shouldn’t that deter me away from her. No, it doesn’t at all. It makes me want to point out to her how much we are meant to be together.But I don’t, I couldn’t do that to her, or her family. “I’m just happy that you are happy.” I end with “Thank you, that means a lot coming from you! I want the same things for you too, and we’re friends right?! We’re still gonna be around each other and our families and friends. I want you to experience everything that life has to offer with someone who is willing to put you first Camila.” She reaches out and we hug, no we don’t hug, we embrace each other almost as if it will be our last. Which in my mind it will be, things are going to change and honestly I’m not sure if I’m ready for that, but at the same time I have to be.

After we end our embrace and just take a second to look at each other, we get blindsided by flashing lights of the cameras and then not a second later Dinah,Ally, and Mani pull us into a group hug while we make our way deeper into backstage where the five of us are together in Lauren’s dressing room. “Are we all good?” Dinah asks looking at both Lauren and I “Yes” I say smiling as I’m looking at Laur and then around the rest of our circle of friends “We’re all good, we’re all healthy, and happy,and we’ve got nothing but good vibes.” I turn to Lauren “We’re really excited about your performance tonight thanks for even telling us” I playfully nudge her arm as do the other girls “but we’re really proud of you and can’t wait to hear it!” “It was meant to be a surprise but thank you guys!” She says bashfully

We all finish up our little pep talk with her and then as we are leaving her I notice Lucy walk in and I felt compelled to speak to her even if for a little bit. We haven’t had any contact what so ever since the barbecue and that’s when Lauren and I started…whatever. So hopefully she sees my attempt at talking to her as a way to make amends and not to cause anymore damage than I’ve already have.

“Lucy” I say “Yeah?” She responds “Listen I just want to say how sorry I am for everything that I’ve caused between you and Lauren and…everything. I want you to know we’ve stopped everything we’re just friends I don’t have any intentions and those were never my intentions to hurt you. I’m so sorry Lucy.” “You did cause a lot of issues in my marriage, but I appreciate you apologizing I really do.” She pauses for a second and just looks at Lauren, with nothing but adoration, passion, and mostly love. Love is all I see when she looks at her. I know because….because I look at her the same way. “Lauren wants you to be apart of her life, a part of our lives. Mine and Ava’s as a friend, aunt. I’m going to trust her because she means the world to me and she’s my family, she’s my everything.” She turns back to look at me “please don’t make me regret this Camila.”

She looks at me as if she’s begging me, begging me to not take the love of her life away. We both are in love with the same woman but the truth is Lauren’s only in love with one of us and it’s clear to me which one of us that is.

“No, I won’t it’s clear that she’s happy. You make her happy, and that’s all I ever really wanted for Lauren.” I say back to Lucy trying to give her all the reassurance I can.

“Thank you Camila.” She sends a smile my way. As I’m getting ready to leave I notice Dinah and Lauren are having a similar intimate conversation.

Lauren’s POV

“Lo, I’m so proud of you for this. For stepping up in your relationship. For being a great mother. For being an amazing person. I’m so proud of you.” Dinah says as she embraces me in a tight squeeze

“D, thank you. I’m happy” I say with a genuine smile and only one girl on my mind “I’m really happy and I’m glad we’re all here and that everyone is on board”

"Honestly I have no idea what song you’re preforming in a bit but if it’s anything like what you’ve been writing lately, it’ll be amazing!” She gushed “Sooo which one is it?!?”

"Dinah! It’s suppose to be a surprise!” I giggle as she’s still egging on for a song title. I look around to make sure nobody else is listening and then that’s when I catch Lucy looking at me and we share a loving stare and I feel I fall every time I see her. “How Would You Feel” I say as I turn back to Dinah

“Ahhhhh” she starts jumping up and down “That’s such a dope song!!! She’s gonna love it girl! Good luck out there!” Dinah gives me one last hug before she makes her exit from my dressing room.

As I watch Dinah leave I notice Lucy and Camila are talking. Those two girls were my world for as long as I can remember, but for as long as I can remember there’s always been one that’s made my heart beat a bit quicker and the butterflies in my stomach flutter for a bit longer. She’s the person who I’ve spent years confiding in, venting to, and loving. She’s been my rock for this crazy journey I call my life. She’s seen me through the highs and lows, when I’ve felt like I’m on top of the world and when I’ve felt like it’s all crumbling down. She’s been by my side through all of it.

– “Ladies and gentlemen please put your hands together for Lauren Jauregui!”

The stage opens and the solo spotlight slowly brightens up for myself and the black piano to come into view of the audience.

You are the one, girl And you know that it’s true I’m feeling younger every time that I’m alone with you We were sitting in a parked car Stealing kisses in the front yard We got questions we should not ask

But how would you feel If I told you loved you? It’s just something I want to do I’d be taking my time Spending my life falling deeper in love with you So tell me that you love me too

In the summer As the lilacs bloom Blood flows deeper than a river Every moment that I spend with you We were sat upon our best friends roof I had both of my arms ‘round you Watching the sunrise replace the moon

How would you feel If I told you I loved you? It’s just something that I want to do I’d be taking my time Spending my life falling deeper in love with you So tell me that you love me too

We were sitting in a parked car Stealing kisses in the front yard We got questions we should not ask

How would you feel If I told you loved you? It’s just something I want to do I’d be taking my time Spending my life falling deeper in love with you So tell me that you love me too Tell me that you love me too Tell me that you love me too

I take my earpiece out and blink to adjust to the spotlight on me and I see the full arena on their feet. I’m amazed and overjoyed, and the first persons eyes that I connect with are Camila’s, I smile at her then direct my vision to my wife who has tears glowing in her brown orbs. I wrote the song for her, in a time where I wasn’t sure if our relationship was something that could be fixed but I was sure of my feelings for her. I still am sure of my feelings for her, for my wife. I love her. I quickly wave to the crowd and then exit the stage to head to the dressing room and then enjoy the rest of the event. Leaving the stage and entering backstage I’m welcomed with applause and ‘congratulations ‘ which I gladly accept and thank, once inside my dressing room I’m waiting on my girl to come in and congratulate me personally-

“Lauren that was amazing!” I hear coming from the girl who just entered my room, though it’s not the voice I was expecting. “Camila? Thank you, um..sorry I wasn’t expecting you.” I say and she can hear the surprise evident in my voice. “I’m sorry I know, but…I just have to ask…um…that song…it was is beautiful.” She says and I’m about to answer because I know exactly what she’s trying to ask until my dressing room door opens again.

“Lauren, Lucy is being held up by some interviewers but she’s asking for you.” Jen my manager comes in and tells me. “I’ll be right out, thanks.” I say and then look back to Camila I’m about to answer her when she seemingly wants to take everything she said back “You know what, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have. You did amazing, great job. I’ll see you out there ok?” She says as she try’s to leave “ Camila, wait what are you trying to say?” She’s making no sense right now. “ Nothing, really I just wanted to congratulate you….it’s an amazing song…Lucy is really lucky to have you” is the last thing she says before she leaves. Once again when I feel like everything is going well and we’re on the same page, she comes and says things like that then just leaves. I don’t have much of a chance to think about it too much, knowing that Lucy is waiting for me I quickly change and make my way out to the event and find my wife.

I’ve made my way back to our table to enjoy the rest of the Met Gala evening, I’m at our table but don’t see Lucy and just end up catching up and thanking the other guests that are sat at our table, I pick up my champagne flute and take a sip of the strawberry champagne when I suddenly feel arms wrap around me from behind and someone whisper in my ear.

“I love you” I know that voice and a smile instantly graces my face. I get up and instantly wrap the women in my arms, almost as if we’re the only ones in the room and this moment is just ours. I tell her I love her too and she captures my lips in a searing kiss. We get a little lost until we hear a couple whistles and applause which makes Lucy giggle disconnecting our lips and ducking to hide her blush in my neck.

“Are you ready to go home?” I say to her after a little while into the event, she leans into me and just nods. We say our goodbyes to friends and guest on our way out. Once in our car we naturally cuddle each other in the backseat. “Luc, what did you think of the song?” I ask “It was amazing babe, really it was! I know you’ve been writing a lot but this song was absolutely beautiful!” She leans up and pecks my lips. “Well, I have a surprise for you once we get home” I say while playing with her fingers that are interlocked with mine and also absentmindedly playing with her wedding ring “You do!?!” She asks surprised knowing that we’re very close to home like literally less than five minutes. “Yes, really” I giggle “So I’m going to blindfold you ok” I say as I bring out a red blindfold and she nods happily and turns around so I can cover her eyes which she’s already closed. I secure the blindfold and then turn her around and see she has a dopey grin on her face and she starts giggling unable to hold in her excitement.

I love this girl, I think to myself. I kiss her lips “So you remember awhile ago…when you mentioned…when you mentioned that we were acting like just friends” I say as I lead her out of the car and through our house into our backyard. Lucy is blindfolded but I see her face falter at the less than happy memory of when we were in a bad place in our relationship. “Laur-” I gently pull off the blindfold and kiss her again “I’m not trying to bring up any bad memories but I’m trying to make a point, you remember that right?” I say “yes” she whispers. “Well, we’re not. We’re not friends.” My wife’s beautiful face shows confusion, I smile and just kiss her again and silently lead her to the chair in the backyard and sit her down. Directly across from her I had set up another chair with my guitar next to it. I take my place across from her and and pick up my guitar.

We’re not, no we’re not friends Nor have we ever been We just try to keep those secrets in a lie If they find out, will it all go wrong And heaven knows, no one wants it to So I could take the back road But your eyes will lead me straight back home And if you know me Like I know you You should love me You should know

Friends just sleep in another bed And friends don’t treat me like you do Well I know that there’s a limit to everything But my friends won’t love me like you No, my friends won’t love me like you

We’re not friends We could be anything if we tried To keep those secrets safe No one will find out If it all went wrong They’ll never know What we’ve been through So I can take the back road But your eyes will lead me straight back home And if you know me Like I know you You should love me You should know

Friends just sleep in another bed And friends don’t treat me like you do And I know that there’s a limit to everything But my friends won’t love me like you No, my friends won’t love me like you

But then again If we’re not friends Someone else might love you too Then again, if we’re not friends There’d be nothing I could do And that’s why friends should sleep in other beds And friends shouldn’t kiss me like you do And I know that there’s a limit to everything But my friends won’t love me like you No, my friends won’t love me like you do No, my friends will never love me like you

Once I finish the song I noticed that Lucy is kneeled down in front of me and wipes at my tears and I do the same for her. I put my guitar down and Lucy makes herself comfortable on my lap straddling me and just hugs me. We stay like that for awhile before she pulls away to just lock her hands at the back of my neck and mine around her waist and we kiss with such passion, I can see myself being this happy for the rest of my life her Lucy, my person, my best friend, my partner in crime, my wife, my everything.

“We’re not just friends” Lucy says and then giggles as she leans in again “I love you.”

A/N: I’m a fan of Greys Anatomy if y'all couldn’t tell 🙊. Ok so how are we feeling? One more part which I’m thinking will me a time hop so maybe a few years or so later on….just a thought, let me know what y'all think. Yeah?

[nemesis-nexus]

Full Blue Blood Super Moon 2018 AVÈ NINGIZHEDA! AVÈ MARDUK! AVÈ SATANÌ! Tonight is the night of the Blue Blood Moon as well as Lunar Eclipse, a rare event which has not happened for at least a hundred and fifty years! The energy that will be emitted all throughout the night is going to be very intense, those who are more experienced will find that their ritual work is more potent than usual, those who are not as experienced may want to do only a basic ritual as if you are not used to dealing with this kind of energy you don't want it to get away from you! Don't try to be a badass and don't think that you're being cool if you try to do a more complex ritual with energy you're not familiar with because the only thing you will do is hurt yourself and possibly everyone around you! Tonight is also a bittersweet event for me as I laid a friend to rest this past Sunday and tonight is my niece's 11th birthday. It is a stark reminder of the delicate balance between Death and Life and that both flow into each other in the beginning and in the transitional period at the end. It is a reminder to always appreciate everyone in your life no matter how much of a pain in the ass they can be because you never know when that transitional period is going to come about. As we've discussed several times before Death is NOT just a physical thing, it is however one of the more difficult things to deal with because we know that physical death is not the end, however the person who has crossed the Great Divide is no longer with us physically and that does take its toll. Everyone mourns differently, some are loud and some are quiet, some work through it relatively quickly and some take longer. Whatever the case time to grieve is necessary for everyone, it is what connects the spirits of living and the deceased and lets them know how much their presence meant to all those whose lives were touched by the individual. It also lets the departed know that they are being let go so that they are able to continue their journey across The Great Divide. It may sound harsh to say but the passing of anyone whether it's a loved one or a social acquaintance should not be viewed as a time to be somber but as a time to rejoice! The reason why I say this is because Life is meant to be celebrated and the one who passed should have their Life remembered accordingly! It should be raised to the rafters why this person was able to touch so many instead of having their memory diminished because they are no longer physically with us! It does sound harsh because people are in a state of devastation, disbelief and mental anguish so saying something like that could be taken the wrong way and makes the one that said it look like a callous jerk but the truth is that the one crossing over would want us not to wallow in misery but to remember the good times and be grateful for having them! Glorious NINGIZHEDA we thank you for the opportunity that we have to meet all kinds of people throughout the duration of our lives, we understand that nobody enters our life for no reason, some people are here to stay and offer ports in the storm and others simply remind us that we need to stay alert because no matter how decent they may appear that the second our backs are turned they won't think twice about inserting a knife into it! Some people are a blessin and some people are a lesson! This especially holds true in business situations which is why we need to be especially careful with whom we choose to conduct business with because there are those who are very manipulative and they know how to play the game to their advantage and as good as we may be we are not always exempt! If something or someone seems too good to be true chances are it and they probably is/are and we should never assume anything! When it comes to matters of spirituality and divinity we must always take care of who is in our Circle because it does not take a whole lot for one weak link to do a whole lot of damage whether intentional or not! There are those out there who will infiltrate a group regardless of the nature of said group for the specific purpose of creating chaos, sometimes these people are paid and sometimes they do it because they lack anything better to do! At the end of the day it is our express responsibility to make sure that we know who is in our Circle especially in a ritual setting because not only do we hold our physical well-being in our hands, we also hold our metaphysical well-being as well and there are those who will not tolerate negative or compromised energy and they will respond to it! Not only will they respond in the immediate setting but they will let you know in all future interactions whether or not they will have anything to do with you! Nobody is going to waste their time dealing with someone who was unable to keep control of themselves and the situation on their end! When it comes to a rare occurrence such as a Blue Blood Supermoon and Lunar Eclipse, we definitely want to have a controlled environment, only working with those who are experienced because the energies are such that it might be overwhelming for those who don't have a whole lot of experience. This is not true in every situation because there are those who may have younger initiates who are learning the ropes so these people actively choose to do work that is not as intricate so that it does not become a situation where anyone's life is in danger. Everyone learns at their own pace however throwing someone into the snake pit so to speak doesn't help anyone especially the rest of the coven! This Blue Blood Moon is not ordinary by any stretch, in fact it is a TRIFECTA of natural phenomenon including a Blood Moon, a Blue Moon as well as a Lunar Eclipse that will occur early in the morning on the 31st. The energies that are going to be present are going to be incredibly potent which in turn will intensify all magickal workings, this is a good thing but it's also a double-edged sword which means people need to be aware of their surroundings not just physically but metaphysically as well. I personally am prepared for whatever is coming because after the last week and especially the last few years I believe everything's been building up and is now manifesting. I for one will never back down from Defense and Protection not only of my Family and Friends but of the Earth as well regardless of who the aggressor is because this Life - and I don't mean just my own I mean ALL forms of Life across the board from human to animal to plant and beyond - was entrusted to US to Guard! Given everything that's happened in the last few years I cannot believe for a second that it all occurred for nothing, everything happens for a reason and no matter how low I got or how bad it was you were by my side as you always have been NINGIZHEDA, my sense of Justice is heightened because of your presence and MARDUK my sense of Righteous Fury is unwavering because of your ability to make the tough calls even if it means standing up to a family member! Because of my Father Satani I am prepared to take on whatever is coming down the pike! So long as we have the Deity by our side we can take on anything! "Falling too fast to prepare for this Tripping in the world could be dangerous Everybody circling, it's vulturous Negative, nepotist Everybody waiting for the fall of man Everybody praying for the end of times Everybody hoping they could be the one I was born to run, I was born for this Whip, whip Run me like a racehorse Pull me like a ripcord Break me down and build me up I wanna be the slip, slip Word upon your lip, lip Letter that you rip, rip Break me down and build me up Whatever it takes 'Cause I love the adrenaline in my veins I do whatever it takes 'Cause I love how it feels when I break the chains Whatever it takes You take me to the top I'm ready for Whatever it takes 'Cause I love the adrenaline in my veins I do what it takes Always had a fear of being typical Looking at my body feeling miserable Always hanging on to the visual I wanna be invisible Looking at my years like a martyrdom Everybody needs to be a part of 'em Never be enough, I'm the prodigal son I was born to run, I was born for this Whip, whip Run me like a racehorse Pull me like a ripcord Break me down and build me up I wanna be the slip, slip Word upon your lip, lip Letter that you rip, rip Break me down and build me up Whatever it takes 'Cause I love the adrenaline in my veins I do whatever it takes 'Cause I love how it feels when I break the chains Whatever it takes You take me to the top, I'm ready for Whatever it takes 'Cause I love the adrenaline in my veins I do what it takes Hypocritical, egotistical Don't wanna be the parenthetical, hypothetical Working onto something that I'm proud of, out of the box An epoxy to the world and the vision we've lost I'm an apostrophe I'm just a symbol to remind you that there's more to see I'm just a product of the system, a catastrophe And yet a masterpiece, and yet I'm half-diseased And when I am deceased At least I go down to the grave and die happily Leave the body of my soul to be a part of me I do what it takes Whatever it takes 'Cause I love the adrenaline in my veins I do whatever it takes 'Cause I love how it feels when I break the chains Whatever it takes You take me to the top, I'm ready for Whatever it takes 'Cause I love the adrenaline in my veins I do what it takes" Imagine Dragons ("Whatever It Takes") ZI ANA KANPA! ZI KIA KANPA! MAY THE DEAD RISE AND SMELL THE INCENSE! Etiamsi MULTA Et Nos UNUM Sumus Nos Sto Validus Ut Nos Sto Una! Semper Veritas, Semper Fideles, In Diabolus Nomen Nos Fides! AVE SATANÍ! (We Are ONE Even Though We Are MANY And We Stand STRONGEST When We Stand TOGETHER! Always TRUTHFUL, Always FAITHFUL, In Satan's Name We Trust! HAIL SATAN!) Ave URURU! Ave ENKI/EA! Ave NINGIZHEDA! Ave AZIMUA! Ave DIMUZI! Ave ININNI! Ave GILGAMESH! Ave ENKIDU! Ave TIAMAT! Ave ABSU! Ave MARDUK! Ave SARPANITUM! Ave SATANÍ! HAIL SATAN! HPS Meg "Nemesis Nexus" Prentiss