#bill is honestly so cat coded

[giulliadella]

Headcanon: Bill turned Ford into a backscratcher during Weirdmageddon because Ford used to hold his muse like a fucked up cat and give him scratches like this:

This Inktober’s gonna be interesting!

[strawberry-cowmilk]

dinner date with the brothers (realistic)

-> brothers x mc

mc's gender is not mentioned, not proof read

content warnings: this is lowkey a shitpost, bad attempts at flirting

a/n: I don't know basic physics so forgive me if not every star can emit light ?? idk also I have no idea if I did something like this before at this point I don't even know what I did and did not already write

-----

Lucifer

your date was probably rescheduled at least 7 times because this man either forgot or arrived way too late the fancy restaurant couldn't give you a table after you missed your reservation (because of work)

hopefully your 30 grimm soup is perfect because he'd get mad at the waiter if the food is 'too cold', he's basically a karen

when he's done eating a meal but you're not he'd just stare at you with no expression on his face and when you're done or notice him he starts a conversation

Mammon

oh he has it all planned out, he's gonna take you to the best restaurant in the devildom and make you madly in love with him

but mammon ends up knocking over a glass of water, falling off of his chair and knocking three waiters down with him like dominoes when trying to flirt with you, it's like he just says your name and chaos unfolds (it's kind of cute)

also mammon wants to pay the bill but he forgot he bought a huge motorcycle the day before so hopefully you brought your card

Leviathan

listen to me, never let this guy plan date night because it will be akuber pizza at 3am in his room (unless you like that I guess) also levi is probably a picky eater so imagine you take him to a fancy place and all he orders is fries

if he likes you enough he will talk about tsl lore the whole time despite mentally swearing not to before the date

sometimes he reads romantic stuff from his phone under the table to you and then proceeds to be embarrassed

Satan

honestly nothing could really go wrong, he arrives on time, he's nice and direct with the waiters, the place has a very nice vibe and his attempts at flirting with you aren't horrible

he's just not the best at starting and keeping conversations alive so maybe there's an awkward silence here and there

the worst thing that could happen is a cat somehow making it into the restaurant and satan climbing over tables to get to it as fast as possible

Asmodeus

he can probably get you into exclusive places, since he's kind of famous

downside to being kind of famous: you might encounter an overly happy fan who isn't rude but just eats your time

asmo doesn't want to be mean and completely ignore his fan but cmon he's literally on a date

he looks at you with the biggest 'help me' eyes so you have to make up some fake emergency so you two can leave

Beelzebub

you know what happens

please book your dinner date 5 weeks in advance and tell them you're bringing beel so the staff can mentally, physically and culinary prepare

but beel is an actual sweetheart to you he lets you eat his curliest curly fries (meanwhile there are waiters crying in the background trying to bring the 100 steaks to your table)

if you tell him you like something he will order 20 more of said dish for you (please give the waiters a huge tip)

Belphegor

he was nervous honestly so he asked to burrow a fancy suit from one of his brothers (even if the date is at akudonald's)

but this man can say the most unhinged stuff with a straight face, followed by a cute compliment

'hey mc you know I wonder if the devildom would notice if I took away the stars one by one until nothing but darkness is left also your eyes look pretty :))'

you know that one song about blinking in morse code to get the waiter's attention? that

[aviculor]

Next up is courage, not that I'm going in any order

Fladramon is easy in that you can fold in any number of Agumon or Agumon-adjacent evolutions. I went with Vritramon because it builds on the armor while also being explicitly fire-based. KaiserGreymon follows suit, though again, any number of Gogglehead partners would have their merits. I heavily considered Dorbickmon too, but it's just a bit too menacing. At that point I might as well have said Megidramon, right?

Hawkmon/Allomon didn't take too much intensive thought, I made the Allosaurus with red markings become the Tyrannosaurus with red markings. Then MasterTyranomon becomes Gaioumon, a natural evolution of it that also circles around to Hawkmon being samurai-coded.

Armadimon/Boarmon got a little railroaded into being Vikaralamon and SkullMammon because they're all big tusked mammals. Mammon was an option, but I didn't really want to use something with ice powers.

I didn't want to reuse digimon, but I ran out of insects. Shadramon becoming Dinobeemon and Grankuwagamon is good enough. I didn't want to use TyrantKabuterimon or AncientBeatmon just for the sake of originality when GranKuwagamon does fit the bill better.

Tailmon/Lynxmon becoming Coronamon and Apollomon isn't without flaw, since Tailmon presents fem and Apollomon is very masc, but fire cats. It's actually the best fit I've had so far and that counts giving Wormmon its canonical evolutions.

Patamon/Baromon is lucky in that there is another flame-based masked demon man in Asuramon. I recall KarnEX also did this and made the ultimate stage Gankoomon, but I had a different idea. Barbamon is another masked demon wizard guy, and it brings back Baromon's robes while also having bat wings like Patamon's ears.

FlaWizarmon becoming Mistymon is a no-brainer because fire magic, and I could not find a better option than MedievalDukemon for the ultimate.

Salamandamon into Volcdramon and AncientGreymon as they're all flaming herpetiles on all fours. I again considered Dorbickmon because Salamandamon were seen as its minions in Xros Wars.

Looking at KarnEX's video:

Apollomon for Fladramon which I feel is too steep a departure in addition to me using it for Tailmon

Lavogaritamon and Volcanicdramon for Allomon which I don't love as much

Marsmon for Lynxmon which is honestly tomato/tomahto

Jesmon for FlaWizarmon...I can see it, but I think I'll stick with MedievalDukemon

Imperialdramon Black for Shadramon...I mean, I guess?

Bryweludramon for Salamandamon, which is also a great idea.

[symphonic-scream]

You told me a little bit cough up the au info 🔫

Oh of course

So instead of having Joker as the main character, or the Fool Arcana, I've put in Yusuke, weird art boy. He interacts with everything the same way he normally would. Strangely. He stares at people and sketches things and makes little finger frames, but now he has a criminal record ooh. Honestly he got the codename Jester just because I was making a joke about he'd be funnier than Joker

Okay so. Morgana is the not-cat and he's pretty much the only non human, so you might be wondering who took his place as the Magician Arcana. And. It's Akechi Goro. I was thinking about who'd do best with putting up with Yusuke's oddities while also being hilariously done with everything and yeah I felt that would work best. In the real world he looks like a little Robin, and in the metaverse he's just. Goro. His codename being Crow still is just because I couldn't think of anything better sorry

And then it's our Chariot, taking Ryuji's place. This was an easy one for me. I am incredibly biased about this one, but will I care? No. It's Makoto. So-called delinquent student Makoto Niijima, trying to stay true to herself, while handling the feelings of being so totally alone. I chose Knight for her codename here cause. It fits. Trust me

Lovers! Now, how could I ever replace Ann as the Lovers? Easily. Like, it was quick. I chose Haru to be the Lovers here, stuck in an awful situation where she feels so trapped. Was this an excuse to push more Okujima into the world? Yes. Clearly. The codename Eros comes from Cupid, as Eros is like the Roman version I think?? Idk but yeah. Eros

Taking Yusuke's original place as the Emperor is Futaba. And before anyone asks I made Madarame lamer Bill Gates. Anyways Python comes from the coding language and because her original mask is like a frog and. Frogs make me think of snakes

Next up is the Priestess Arcana! Filling Makoto's role as group babysitter in this swap is Hifumi. "Scream she was supposed to be a phantom thief this isn't that cool" I knew that shut up. Anyways. Rook is a Shogi piece that's. Literally why I chose it

Okay and moving on to the Hermit! Originally it's Futaba but since she's busy not being socially anxious anymore I've put Ryuji in that spot. I also made him a twitch streamer. Compass? Why Compass you ask? Well first thought was Captain but then. Cap said Compass and I agreed cause then the other Thieves get to jokingly call him "Ass"

Moving right along with the Empress! It's Ann I just. Completely swapped her and Haru. Cause it works quite well actually, not gonna lie. And. Yeah Puma is just another cat you got me

Finally, it's Justice. Gama. It's Mishima I just put him there cause I hate him and I get to make him kick the bucket in this role. Also cause I thought it would be funny if the Phantom Thieves' greatest enemy was a video essay YouTuber

Anyways. I have many thoughts so do ask me for more I won't shut up about this (ask Cap I can't help it)

[marisoft-paint-adventures]

Pgs. 614 - 759

fuck you Rose.

this item has far reaching consequences that affects all of time and space as well as giving me depression.

I like Andrew Hussie’s weird fucking gag of making Harry Anderson out to be this damn hardass magician man who just fucking cuts fingers and pokes holes into playing cards for no good reason. I also enjoy this narrator who’s some crack ace detective detailing his life in this book because why not.

SCREECHING CHILD DEMANDS ATTENTION.

YES.

POGO HAMMER.

HELL FUCKING YES.

FUCKING GET EM.

bed.

it is here where John sleeps in the page titled John: Sleep that John sleeps.

it is also here where TOBY FUCKING FOX IS IN THE COMIC BABYYYYY!!!! YEEAAAAAHH TOBYYYYY!!!! TOBIAS RADIATOR!!!! THE FUNNY GUY!!!!

I have to say that this page being Toby’s debut is incredibly funny because it didn’t even have his music when it first came out, because this was also the 1st flash for the muscial debut of fucking BILL BOLIN.

the tale of Bill Bolin is like a legend of ancient times, imagine getting so pissed off at Andrew Hussington of the Republic of Homestuckia that you post a giant fucking rant and this shitty compressed JPG of yourself giving the finger and that’s all people remember you for.

your entire legacy is this image, and you get replaced by THE DUDE WHO MADE UNDERTALE.

I still think of this photo to this day, it’s so damn good.

fuckin idiot.

POV: Jade Harley descends from the heavens.

speaking of Jade, the constant foreshadowing with her character is honestly so fun. she’s just so mysterious in every damn way, she knows shit in the future, she seems to be directing the kids into the game, for some reason she switches from well put together and collected to fuckin head empty happiness, she’s very cool and ominous at the same time.

This is what weaker adversaries do whenever things get too hot to handle, which is frequently.

even the imps are scared of the ogres.

you get that fucker.

oh yeah here’s where the early act style really comes into its own.

fuck yeah, look at this shit.

AND THEN DAVE ASCENDS TO THE HIGHEST POINT OF THE FUCKIN BUILDING YEAH YEAAAH YEAAHHHHHH.

THIS SHIT’S SO FUCKING COOL OH MY GODDDDDDDD.

I love Dave’s fucking trek up the stairs, he’s literally walking up the stairs he’s just WALKING but it’s shot in such way where it’s just fucking HYPE. the SUN the fuckin SUN, I love how it’s drawn as this violent red inferno eye that just stares down the city. Upward Movement is the perfect track for this whole thing, there’s no song that better communicates that shit is about to get real.

oh yeah and I guess Bro doesn’t really care everyone around him is dying, he’s too busy initiating the world’s most insane sibling wrestling session to ever exist.

what’s this??? girl????

no.

welcome to Problem Sleuth but also it’s the apocalypse.

Your teeth are useless for the task! They are blunt like that of livestock, presumably suitable for mashing up plant matter, and not for puncturing metal.

>lower carapacian ranks like pawns have dull teeth that would be built for plants.

>the high agents have sharp teeth perfect for puncturing flesh and Chess Flesh.

has Jack Noir mauled a bitch.

Your WEAK PATHETIC DIGITS are not strong enough to penetrate the can!!! Your fingers are certainly pointy enough, and your black carapace is suitably rigid, but you just don't have enough muscle for the task.

I want to headcanon that along with sharp teeth, the agents all have fuckin can-opener fingers, straight up claws, they could slash you dead. they could live out a Warrior Cats RP.

It is a sort of specialized BAR CODE PATTERN.

This brings back unpleasant memories and you would prefer not to dwell on it.

I am going to follow WV’s advice and not dwell on what sort of uncomfortable analogues you could make between this and real life.

YES.

IT BEGINS.

HIS WONDEROUS LEADERSHIP STARTS HERE.

You love the idea of being a mayor. You love everything about mayors, and the concept of an orderly, civil democracy. It all seems so mannerly and reasonable to you. Everyone is friendly and happy, and the city runs like clockwork. The foundation of the government is based on mutual respect between the leader and its people. It is also built on having a really great mayor that everyone loves who is totally amazing and heroic and brave.

see this is the perfect example of how WV’s whole mayor obsession becomes horribly mischaracterized and Flanderized by comic and fandom. at the heart of it, the quirk is a joke and is played for laughs most of the time, however...

Mayors are so much better than kings. You hate kings and you think kings are really stupid. They are petty, bossy tyrants and are really full of themselves and are basically awful in every way. God do you hate kings.

despite it being painted as silly and goofy, it has an actual place in his backstory and the general plot. he doesn’t just like the thought mayoral duty, he fantasizes about democracy because he has a real personal vendetta against monarchs.

meanwhile later portions of the comic and a lot of fanworks just reduce it to “OH HE LOVE THE CANS!!! THE CITY OF CANS!!! HE LOVE LEADING THEM!!!! HE LOVE HIS SASH OF MAYOR!!!! HE LOVES MAYOR!!!!” and nothing else.

His Fate Has Now Been Sealed.

hi Serenity.

You cannot urinate because you have not had anything to drink in quite some time. You are very thirsty.

THIS IMPLIES CARAPACIANS CAN PISS.

>THIS IMPLIES CARAPACIANS CAN PISS.

THIS IMPLIES CARAPACIANS CAN PISS.

>THIS IMPLIES CARAPACIANS CAN PISS.

what could these planets be???? hmmmm????

the tab key dispenses the Tab soda, genius wordplay Hussianiel.

You free the heavenly brown elixir from the jewels of pink carapace and imbibe like the wind. It is so sweet and sugary. You wonder how so much sugar can fit in one can. Whatever mighty wizard concocted this potion is truly deserving of your fear and respect.

ok I know the joke is about how Tab is literally sugar free but has anyone actually ever drank Tab ever in their entire fucking life??? Homestuck is literally the thing that made me realize it existed. it’s a fucking Coca-Cola product, you’d think they’d be like, somewhere, but no.

The TABS are naturalized as loyal new citizens of CAN TOWN. All cans are welcome and equal in your city, regardless of can content, and whether empty or full.

don’t be racist, be like WV.

such foreshadowing, wizard??? crow??? what could it mean????

a beacon of hope for all of the country of...

chess.

I have no actual idea how chess works so I’m just gonna assume “WV: Lead your men to victory!” is just how an average game goes.

MAIL LADY!!!

MAIL LADY!!!!!!

I think the most impressive part of Homestuck’s wildly ahead of the game foreshadowing is the coordinates, because Hussie chose actual real life places for every kid to live in right down to the address, even Jade’s fictional island is located at a weird visual artifact in the middle of the ocean on Google maps.

Does this machine look like a DEAPPEARIFIER to you?? Honestly, the idea that an APPEARIFIER could both APPEARIFY and DEAPPEARIFY things is so laughably ridiculous, you would wish someone would DEAPPEARIFY your brain and REAPPEARIFY it with a brain that is more smart and less dumb.

I don’t know why but I particularly like how Homestuck’s paradox system creates fuckin weird slime clone things.

OH AND HERE’S WV: ASCEND.

this flash is so fucking underrated, like, oh yeah sure, we have Enter, Descend, Cascade, Collide, Act 7, whatever, but what about this fucking baby? it’s not the insane or intense flash out there, but this shit just lands for me so well. this is pretty much the point where you are hooked, it’s so dense, so much shit happens at once, and all it’s actually important, it’s so fucking good. I love the little things, like the exile stations matching up with each kids’ entry item, the defined locations for where they all live, the history of Jade’s island, it’s just so fucking GOOD.

it also just has really good art.

Explore is such a banger track as well, a fine fucking work by Buzinkai, godspeed.

if there’s 3 people associate with Homestuck music, it’s Michael Bowman, Toby Fox, and Buzinkai, they made all the good shit.

oh yeah and here’s Nanna with suspiciously vast knowledge of future events some dudes who have fancy hero titles, wonder what this means something something foreshadowing something.

y’know, I’ve seen Act 2 and Act 3 kinda blend together when it comes to fan perception, and that’s understandable, they’re pretty similar in their content. I do think Act 2 has enough to stand out on its own though. there’s a lot more absurdity with the guardians, Bro Strider is a man who is fuckin insane and ridiculous in every way that is both horrific and amusing, Dave losing his mind, the man WV himself and his Problem Sleuth styled adventure, fun smaller flashes, and just ENDLESS FORESHADOWING.

I have to say that the biggest change in feelings I got was over all the puppet shit. I used to think it was funny, and, well, it’s still funny, it’s really damn funny how these puppets are just all over the place and exist with their perfectly shaped asses. but also, I think the horror has finally set in for me in regards to just how terrifying these things are, just

the puppets,

everywhere,

all the time,

ass wherever you go.

turn the corner and another technicolor rump is there to greet you.

it’s a house of fucking horrors.

in conclusion, Act 2 is pretty fuckin cool and shit.

[agent-scotch]

Rate all the Kingsman using a scale of Fuck, Marry Kill ..... then do statesman....

BISEXUAL QUEEN RISES from the ASHES- Let's goooo!

KINGSMAN

Merlin: Fuck - Marry - Kill " That man's accent, those sweaters, his hands, and how nice his c-........code, clean and precise, and loves what I've done to the engines....-blushes-" Arthur (Harry): Fuck - Marry - Kill "Love the man, but he so by the book sometimes...." Galahad: Fuck - Marry - Kill "I'd say fuck if you were older, but he's a kid and I ain't no cougar" Lancelot: Fuck - Marry - Kill "A girl after my own heart." Tristan: Fuck - Marry - Kill ".........................................................................." Cador: Fuck - Marry - Kill "He better get himself tested though, I swear to fuck" {Sora also had her hoeing days -wink- } Aludyne: Fuck - Marry - Kill "I dont think things could get boring with her ever." Kilgharrah: Fuck - Marry - Kill "I would wife her so hard with the meals she brings."

STATESMEN

Champ: Fuck - Marry - Kill "He is too old, I don't think he can even get hard anymore" Whisky: Fuck - Marry - Kill "Ignoring how he's pretty sus, I've seen thet guy ride an electric bull" Tequila: Fuck - Marry - Kill "If I had enough to drink I'm sure he'd be fun if not weird" Gin: N/A "AAuuggh eewww gross asjkdhfa;ls" HE'S MY BROTHER" Ginger: Fuck - Marry - Kill "She's so dependable and works hard. she needs someone to treat her right." Rum: Fuck - Marry - Kill "We go back, he.....a bit rough around the edges, dependable for sure. But always feels like he's holding something back."

Bonus! MI6

007: Fuck - Marry - Kill "Lemon on the street means lemon in the sheets, reckless". {Sora, you hypocrite, ur just as reckless just not with cars} 003: Fuck - Marry - Kill "The way he talks, I bet he's a one pump chump." M: Fuck - Marry - Kill "He dislikes dogs. What kind of person DISLIKES DOGS." Q: Fuck - Marry - Kill "Cats!" George Finley: Fuck - Marry - Kill "I'd do it as a favour to spice up his life.......and to do my taxes". Bill Tanner: Fuck - Marry - Kill "Bit stiff that one." Maria Bloomsco: Fuck - Marry - Kill "I mean how could you not. A crime honestly."

[wonijinjin]

hii ♡♡ I'd like a match with enhypen pls ^^

so my pronouns are she/her, my mbti is intp-t,, I'm quite an introvert according to my friends but I think I can talk a lot to people I'm closer with. Although I am extremely shy while getting to know someone 😭 I also am a lil moody and can get v v dramatic lmao

Fashion wise, I think im more of a coquette/cottage core girlie,, I love love love girly, feminine clothes and i LOVE makeup toooooo

I am a cat person, I have a cat that I adore so dearly. I also love sleeping and I sleep a ton. I like horror movies as well as crime ones too. I love the rain and thunder, it brings me peace. My favorite color is pink. OH AND I've been dancing since I was 4 so like 13 years now.

My favorite Enhypen songs would be:

Chaconne, Bills, Criminal Love, Fate and I also love their intros!

Thank you in advance lovely :))

hi lovely anon! thank you for requesting, i hope you will like your match partner who is none other than…

Sunoo!

When i read your request i couldn’t help but immediately think of sunoo, because i think you two would be so cute!

sunoo is honestly a king of sassiness and drama, so you two would have very funny moments every day, moreover he has an outgoing personality and he can be very talkative (especially with people whom he knows) so if you would feel a bit shy in new environments he would definitely love to help and encourage you to talk lots!

you mentioned pink as your favourite color, and sunoo is so pink coded aswell, you two would be just so adorable, with your aesthetic and style and his casual shirt/streetwear looks! honestly, everyone would be amazed by your outfits, we know he loves to dress so you could expect being styled by him many times!

he would love the fact that you have a passion for makeup, he would totally let you do whatever you want to him, also skincare!!!! you guys would have spa nights when you do skincare together.

watching horror movies would be very funny with him, he would be whining a lot, but if i remember correctly he doesn’t mind this genre so he would gladly join you! and he is a smart little bean, so criminal themed mysteries would keep him entertained every time, like i could see you and him watching one on a rainy day while cuddling.

he loves to sing, you love to dance, you already know he would be singing his heart out while you dance to it, you would have your own duo of many talents.

i truly believe you would have a great dynamic, like soulmates.

[billythesimp]

Road Trip Plans

⋘ 𝑙𝑜𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑑𝑎𝑡𝑎...

These where a couple of shower thoughts I had. 

Thinking of visiting friends sometime in the future and considered what it would be like to have the Gentle House + The Proxies go on a road trip. 

𝑃𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑤𝑎𝑖𝑡...⋙

tw: none

⋈ Wise is the designated driver during the trip, probably rented the car for the group as Nicole didn’t really plan it out other then convincing him and his sister to join them. Their little get-away vehicle wouldn’t fit them all so it was a good choice on their part. 

⋈ The entire trip, he’s chugging energy drink after energy drink. Responsibility but still, he doesn’t rest until they stop for gas and ends up needing to take the longest piss. Gross but still, he needed it to stay away. Hopefully his bladder will forgive him after this. 

⋈ Is happy that his friends are happy, though he can do with their whining and fighting sometimes. It’s not fun being the dad on the trip, consistently yelling over them to shut up or yelling at Nicole for not giving him the correct instructions when they need it. At this point, they’ve missed 12 exits, been pulled over twice, and almost three people have gotten motion sickness and had to pull over to throw up. 

⋈ Maybe he should have had Belle in the passenger seat with him. He can’t wait to reach the motel to lay the fuck down and do a system reset with some water and a clean private bathroom.

⋈ Belle is the backseat driver, constantly pointing out the exits and warning her brother of oncoming traffic. Honestly, she should have been in the passenger seat but got stuck in the middle row behind Nicole. But she also doesn’t mind, it’s fun watching her brother miss stops and swerve between cars to pass the traffic faster. 

⋈ Hands down bought the best snacks, is living the high life in the backseat while taking photos of all cool scenery. She shares her snacks with Nekomiya and Nicole, though hordes her best treats for herself. Gaming and munching is what she mainly did in the backseat. 

⋈ Has plans on taking as many photos of the group during this trip. She wants to remember this for ages as it’s not often she is invited to go out with friends and not work everyday. Although she keeps tabs on the store and responds to emails from potential customers, she does leave the rest of their work to their custom-coded bangboos because she was down to make memories. Most likely plans on printing her favorite images for her desk and room. 

⋈ Likes to buy something at every rest stop/gas station. Mostly foods for the others or just trying to find trinkets to mess with whenever her phone dies from playing games the entire road.

⋈ Nicole is in the passenger seat, designated DJ and also is supposed to be giving Wise the directions. I say supposed to because half the time she's on twitter or instagram looking at memes and goggling at cute outfits she wants. Her music taste is very much a girlboss, gaslight vibes. Like Doja Cat, Megan De Stallion, CupCake, really she likes songs she can twerk to. 

⋈ Has fought Wise about the trip the entire ride, from putting her feet up on the dashboard to giving him the exit directions last minute. She wins most of the time, thinking it’s cuz she’s beautiful and sexy with those tits of hers. Really it’s cuz Wise was using her money to pay for gas and his energy drinks, but don’t tell her that. This is part of her bill for not totally planning out this trip. 

⋈ Likes sitting in the front seat cuz she gets to mess with the driver. She likes Wise and probably does this to get closer to him while everyone is sleeping in the backseats. She likes the times when he’s just brain dead and puts his hand on her thigh instead of the shift-stick or when he scolds her with those charming eyes of his. Honestly, she enjoys the attention that she doesn’t notice her wallet being used for Wise’s needs and car gas. 

⋈ I bet the moment they get to where she wanted to go in the first place, she’ll probably be whining about how hot it is or how she wants to go back to the hotel and nap. Only drag her out when you go shopping for clothes or look at food stands for dinner/lunch.

⋈ BILLY THE BACK SEAT KING~ He’s the tallest of the group and since he was rejected the front seat, it was settled that he’d have the backseat all to himself. It was the only way they could convince him to come with them. In the backseat, he made it like his nest, a body pillow to lay one with blankets and the AC blasting all the way. He is relaxed and cozy.

⋈ He is asleep for the majority of the ride, he made his home in the backseat and for once he is so quiet that everyone forgets he’s even there. Belle has to constantly remind them that Billy hasn’t spoken at all or get a group count to make sure no one was left behind at a gas station. But since Billy is asleep it’s easy to know he’s still with them. 

⋈ There was at some point where he left the car to go pee once and buy himself lunch at a pit stop and when he came back to the parking lot, they were all gone. Cue Nicole getting called by Billy who is yelling that he was out taking a piss and Wise panic driving to the nearest exit to reverse and pick up Billy. They find him acting like a hobo asking for spare change until he spots them. 

⋈ Either way, he gets to be babied by Belle and Anby who are in the middle seat. They force him to eat and whatnot. When they get there, he’s running around with Nekomiya like little kids and pointing at all the fun attractions there are. The long drive was worth it.

⋈ She originally didn’t want to go, but since Nicole was going she had no other choice. Anby spent most of the car ride watching videos and informing the group of any dangers like overheating or reminding them to eat their snacks/lunch. She doesn’t really do much other than keep an eye on the crew and watching movies. 

⋈ She believes anything Belle and Nekomiya tell her, sometimes too seriously as Nicole scolds the two to stop it as they are scaring her. Plus, with Anby having a little bit of motion sickness, teasing her and giving her anxiety adds up and they all have pulled over to help her. They apologize by giving her water and letting her sit behind the driver’s seat where the good AC is. With her big headset, she dozes off relaxed and without fear as the sound of her mixed playlist of feel-good lofi songs fill her mind.

⋈ When she falls asleep in the ride, everyone shuts up just to hear the soft snores and take photos of her. Nekomiya tries stacking her fruit and crackers on her forehead, Billy braids her hair while Belle is taking a video of their shenanigans. If Anby every got a hold of Belle’s camera roll, she’d ban them from ever going on group road trips again. But watching her wake up and be confused as to why there are food items on her lap is the best thing ever. 

⋈ the entire trip, she’s the babysitter for Nekomiya and Billy. Following them around and making sure they aren’t causing trouble among the crowds. She buys them tickets to booths and makes sure they eat their proper meals, scaring them by saying that if they pass out she won’t stick around.

⋈ Since Nekomiya is a lot younger then most of the other members of the Gentle House, she is placed in the middle seat. There, she gets to see everything, the road with all the cars, Belle playing her video games and Anby’s movies. She also gets a little bit of everyone’s foods since she’s in the middle and passes it between people. 

⋈ She gets really fussy with sitting in the car all the time, so she gets out at every stop to do a full cat-like stretch and run around. Someone is usually watching her to make sure no one kidnaps her since she’s pretty cute. She gets out her energy before getting tired and ready to snuggle up to one of billy’s pillows that she steals. Better to have a sleepy Nekomiya than a fussy one.

⋈ She always is complaining about being hungry or needing to go pee, pranking Anby with Belle and letting everyone forget that Billy was left behind. Yeah, she knew he left but let it sink in until he called them. Little rascal, she laughs so hard when Wise serves and breaks a couple of highway laws to get their robotic friend back. Nicole gives her a warning look now and then, but she  still causes trouble during the entire trip.

⋈ She has so much fun when they finally get there. After a long cat nap, she’s ready to hit the stops and is dragging everyone with her. An excited ball of energy walking around and taking in all the fun sights.

[09/07/2022]

Zenless Zone Zero Belongs to Hoyoverse*

[terorou]

Taz Vet Fund!

Hi all! I know long posts aren’t great so I’ll try to be quick. If you could please take a few minutes to read this post, I would really appreciate it!

My cat, Taz, is sick. His eyes are going bad, his behaviour has changed and a few other issues. What’s most alerting is he now has a large lump. We know this isn’t from an injury, so we are concerned about what has caused it along with his behaviour.

We haven’t been able to pay bills and rent and buy enough food for the house, so a vet bill is..difficult. If anyone has any money they can spare that we can use to take my baby to the vet, I would honestly be so grateful. Any amount would help! If you can’t spare money, I’ve been there, please reblog this post so it can reach more people! My two cats are very therapeutic for me and my mother, we both have disabilities and illnesses and can’t go out often because of them. I really don’t want to lose him.

Thank you for reading this far! I hope you have a good day/night!

c*sh*pp: £chloepg

p*yp*l: paypal.me/chloepg22

I am also willing to take on certain coding work, feel free to dm me for more information on anything in this post!

[hotwings0203]

This is so utterly stupid but I have a few HC’s about Muslim Dabi(again obv this isn’t canon I just think it’s funny)

-Dabi would def be the type of Muslim dude who claims to be super religious cuz he never eats pork and “goes to the mosque to pray”(which is actually just code for hitting a blunt in the back of the parking lot w Hawks and Shigaraki💀), but yet smokes^^ and still has hella sex with like every other girl who bats her lashes at him from across the dining hall

-he also is a big cat lover, he claims since the Prophet Muhammad had cats of his own it’s sunnah to keep one

-on Eid namaz he’s the most dripped out one at the session, I’m talking black kurta dress, nice ass watch, slicked back hair...but funny enough, no one has actually seen him in line for the prayers themselves

-if he were back at home with the rest of the Todoroki’s, he’d most definitely be THE MOST spoiled one. Fuyumi would get on his ass for not cleaning the dishes, but he’d wave her off and tell her it’s training for her to be a better housewife for her future husband(cue a soapy sponge thrown at his head)

-Snitches.Constantly. Bro like this dude catches Shoto on his phone when he’s supposed to be doing a dua? Boom, instant callout followed by a long ass lecture about how he’s straying away from his religion and how he’s going to hell just because he spent one measly moment on his device instead of praising da lord

-Hes also always telling fuyumi to cover up her sleeves that come just a bittt before her wrists, claiming that she’s showing too much skin(especially when Hawks is over, that fucker’s got his eyes on every single one of his family members). But she’s quick to point out his secret tattoos, piercings, and hair dyes. He just scoffs and pulls the “women were created lesser than men so it’s okay for me to act a fool but not for you” card🙄stg I can’t stand him

-Since he’s the closest to Natsu, he’s always giving Eid money to him the most. The dude will slouch against his favorite brothers’ door, watching him play 2K. “What do you want?” Natsu asks with no real malice, not taking his eyes off the changing screen, furiously clicking away on his controller. “Mom says you gotta iron your clothes, Fuyumi’s doing her own so she can’t do yours as well. Oh, and Eid Mubarak by the way.” Natsu pauses him game and stands to stretch his arms above his head, groaning at the tendons popping in place on his back. “Yeah man, you too-what’s that?” He points to a fat parcel in Touya’s hand. The white-haired boy grins and chucks the bulging package at him, which Natsu catches easily. His eyes widen when he tears open the cream-colored paper envelope and reveals dozens of bills exceeding the usual 5-10$ family limit. “Yo, what-how-thanks Touya!” He sputters, throwing the package on his bed and throwing an arm around his brothers’ back in a man-hug. Touya rolls his eyes and barely suppresses a smile at Natsu’s excitement,(something he’s always wanting to be the source of) pounding his back to let go before he asphyxiates. He lets go and Touya smirks before heading towards the door, calling out over his shoulder, “Oh, and I’d thank Sho-turd as well while you’re singing my praise.” Natsu stops in his tracks and looks suspiciously at the withdrawing slender figure. “Why?”. Touya’s voice is distant as he moves to close and lock his door. “‘Cuz it’s his money after all.”

-The two brothers are always waking up at Sehri the earliest in Ramadhan, just so they can scarf down a majority of the food in the fridge and go to sleep without having to interact with the rest of their family at sunrise. And in the case that their family DOES wake up in time to see them chomping down food made for a WHOLE FAMILY and not just two boys, Touya is quick to grab his keys and jacket and cackle that him and Natsu are going to iHop to eat some more. Natsu ofc is quick to follow pursuit, throwing an apologetic grin towards his parents and other siblings.

-When they’re at the mosque and Enji has somehow bullied him enough to sit the hell down and actually ATTEND the lectures for once, Touya still has one up his sleeve. Planned out strategically, he always simpers to Rei that he wants to donate to the mosque, causing her eyes to water and a handful of cash thrown his way, her voice wobbly as she praises her son for actually taking the foundations of his religion seriously. Unbeknownst to her however, this just means that he’ll take a little bit more than he gives. Hawks will be standing at the front of the hall, bowing his head and using his silver tongue to graciously thank the many men and women who come forth to drop their allowance into the money basket. When he sees his best man approaching, he has to stop the smug grin from reaching his ears, instead slanting his brows and holding the basket out to the now black-haired thief. “Glad to see you’re taking eternal damnation seriously, for once,” Keigo flashes his perky whites and Dabi drops Rei’s money into the donation basket, dipping his hand a little lower for a second. “Glad to see you’re still standing here like some busboy peasant, as usual,” he fires back, the two boys catching each other’s eyes and stifling their cackles as the patched hand withdraws, a copious amount of bills in his hand, more than what he put in.

-100% steals shoes. Usually you hear about older men doing this, but age aint nothin’ but a number to Dabi, baby. “Nice kicks,” he nods to a boy Natsu’s age, noting the blue and black minimalist patterns adorning the shoes. The boy recognizes Dabi as one of the most revered figures at the mosque (and the most featured by adults. Who’d want their kid hanging out with the eldest Todoroki as an influence?) and bobs his head excitedly, spewing out the manufacture and release dates of the shoes. Dabi looks at the fanboy amusedly, continuing to lean against the shoe rack as more people crowd around and start to push the boy inside. “See you later Dabi!” The eccentric kid calls out as he’s pushed into the hall by grumbling uncles. The ravenette snickers fo himself, “Yeah, but you won’t be seeing these shoes anytime soon.”

-A notorious playboy in the community. Uncles glare at him, unable to scold him outright for his shenanigans due to his father’s close presence, and aunties steer their children away from him at dinner parties. Speaking of, Dabi’s at a dinner right now. He’s lighting up a joint in amongst 3 mesmerized girls sitting on the floor in front of him and 2 jealous dudes his age in a locked room, away from all the screaming little kids. “Wow Dabi, doesn’t it burn?” The youngest of the three girls asks him with imploring eyes. He smiles a charming smile down at her and he thinks he sees the other two swoon. “Nah, sweetheart, you get used to it after a little while. Don’t be like me though, keep yourself pure and clean,” he shoots a wink at them and they giggle, faces turning red. The other two boys sitting at the far end of the bed scowl at his successful flirting, but Dabi doesn’t care for any of them, honestly, they’re just target practice. Right as he inhaled the fumes of another puff, a little body throws itself at the door, banging its fists on the wood. “It’s time for food!” They all jump at the intrusion and chuckle as the intruder runs away, containing to scream about food being served. The group gets up to leave and exits through the door, but Dabi takes his time. He wasn’t done with his joint, and he has to waft the smell away anyways when he leaves. He’s opening a window to let out some air when he heads a soft shuffle from behind him. “Shows over guys, go eat-“ but when he turns around, the oldest girl of the three stands before him, fiddling with her hands and looking at the floor. “Um, Dabi? I know you said not to try it out by ourselves so...I was wondering if you could-if you could teach me how...?” She looks at the half-used roll in his hand, and he looks from the blunt to her face. He looks behind her. A closed door. Perfect. Taking a step forwards, he relishes in how she takes a hesitant step back, the breath in her throat catching but she still doesn’t back down. She looks to him like he’s a god, and he feels like one right now. And so he steps closer until she’s backed against the wall, his lids lowered to her wide ones, and he placed a hand next to her head. “Didnt your mom ever tell you not to take things from strangers?” He ghosts by the shell of her ear, and she shivers. “She never told me the strangers would be this hot,” and he has to laugh a bit at her tenacity. He pulls away and flops back on the bed, signaling for her to join him. “Well come one then, I’m hungry, better hurry up before I change my mind.” And 5 shotguns later, Dabi barely wipes off her bright pink lipstick from his face and straightens his kurta along with his hair before bounding down the steps, eager for food. At his command, she comes down a minute after him as to not cause any suspicion, but it doesn’t stop Rei from shooting him a knowing glare from the living room as he piles his plate with food. He shoves a veggie roll in his mouth as he turns to join the boys in the dining area, but his path is blocked by a large woman. “I know you’re up to no good. The children told me what funny smell was coming from the room upstairs, and I know you’re to blame, Touya Todoroki. I respect your mother a lot so I won’t make a scene here-“ he interrupts her, mouth half full with a roll, “-I mean, you already kinda are,-“ but she continues her tirade. “-I don’t think you’re a good influence on these kids, especially your siblings. What self respecting family would be okay with their son acting like a hooligan, having piercings, smelling like weed?” He smirks and swallows before swerving around her. “I don’t know Aunty, why don’t you ask your daughter? She didn’t seem to mind my, ah, influence.”

-When they were all younger, there was a time where End*avor wanted the boys the toughen up a bit and stop messing around so much. He brought the family up to the mountains in a nice cabin, purposefully choosing an area with farms nearby. It was around the time of Eid-e-Adha, so naturally goats and sheep’s were going to be sacrificed for the family feast. Touya already knew what was going on, so Enji left it up to him, a scrawny preteen boy to take over the initiation. Fuyumi wanted to come to the farm too, but Touya glared at her and told her to stay home because “girls are too emotional for this.”(he really did think that, but above all he held a secret soft spot for his only younger sister). Natsu and Touya both started heading down to the field to pick out a goat, and ofc little Shoto wanted to come along to. He begged and begged for his older brothers to bring him along and to not leave him at home for once, and with a sly glance to Natsu, Touya relented. He leaned down to Shoto’s eye-level and asked with serious eyes, “You sure?”. Shoto nodded eagerly, standing straight up as to look more solemn and mature. Natsu held back a snicker and grabbed Shoto by the collar as they dragged him out to the pasture. Oh, the little boy was in heaven among the bleating sheep and fluffy coats. “Go ahead, pick one out!” Touya said eagerly, nodding to the clueless toddler to choose a sacrificial sheep. And so the heterochromatic child pointed to one, looking to his big brothers for assurance, to which they gave an excited nod. Shoto yelped with glee and spent the rest of the afternoon frolicking with the soon-to-be-mutton chops, completely oblivious to its grim fate and creating a bond with the animal. So when it was finally sunset and the time came to start preparing for the feast, Touya walked over leisurely to Shoto, pushed the grubby hand away from the animal’s collar, and started pulling the creature towards the chopping block. “W-what’re you doing?” Shoto asked uncertainty. “Well, we gotta eat, right? Thanks for picking out such a fat sheep, ‘wonder how it’s gonna taste,”. The eldest grinned with malice at his youngest brother, who started to sniffle and ball his fists. “You’re lying! Leave it alone!” He cried out. “Nope, m’not lying, ask Natsu.” Natsu turns to Shoto and shrugs his shoulders without any real regret. “You’re the one who wanted to come along, right? Think of how proud dad will be of his favorite-he finally sacrificed his first sheep!”

-the first time he was ever asked to lead the namaz, Keigo and Tomura kept kicking the back of his legs so he would fall over while trying to recite the prayers, and in turn he’d immediately whip around in the middle of the whole damn hall and shoot fire at the two howling boys. Needless to say, he was never asked to read again

(one would think since Dabi knows sooo much about being a gOoD mUsLim and how to follow the rules he’d take some of that advice HIMSELF)

[lightpossession]

my annual digital cleanup attempt ❤️

back at it again at trying to not let tech corporations control my life... my challenge for all of you is to pick at least 2 or 3 of these things and do them now, if you’re on tumblr right now you have the time and probably the ability to do some of these. I love you!!

things I’ve done this past year or earlier and recommend for everyone else:

✅ web browsers: stop using Chrome!! I’ve been using Brave for a couple years and I love it; it’s incredibly easy to switch from Chrome and copy over your history and favourites, and all Chrome extensions will work on Brave. I recently also downloaded the mobile app. I know real ones use Firefox though ✅ search engines: stop using Google!! I use Duckduckgo on my laptop and on my phone and I’m happy with it. I still use Google Maps so if someone has a good alternative do tell! ✅ buy a VPN: I went with Surfshark with a discount code from Reddit. NordVPN is also very highly recommended. here’s Reddit’s breakdown if you want to see more options and discount codes ✅ email accounts: make a non-gmail account. I have a protonmail account but I think tutanota might actually be a better choice. ✅ mailing lists: unsubscribe from mailing lists you don’t want to be on. this doesn’t need to be a big project, but can be a consistent commitment to hit “unsubscribe” when you receive an email you didn’t want. it literally takes one or two clicks, you can do it ❤️ ✅ social media: set some limits. I’ve set limits on my phone for 20 minutes of Twitter, 10 of Instagram, and 10 of Tumblr, which is more than I usually spend per day anyway, but I want to avoid those days when I spend... 40 minutes... on Instagram 😬I don’t even enjoy Instagram unless it’s cat pictures.

things I still need to do:

✅ VPN: set up my VPN on my phone and on my family’s devices ✅ email accounts: switch over some of my gmail account’s functions (probably starting with online banking, my phone bill and such, listservs, social media accounts, and accounts with my medical practitioners; I might make a new separate account for promotional emails). I have my protonmail account but I don’t use it as of yet lol. ⬜️ t******ing: relearn how to t*rr*** 😇it’s been a long time!! I have qB*t******* downloaded 🥰 ✅ old emails: as usual, put some effort into deleting old emails, especially promo emails. remember this isn’t just for like, your own wellness, all those emails have a carbon footprint too! my strategy is to just search for a sender (e.g. “sephora” or “goodreads”) and delete everything that isn’t a recent receipt. ⬜️ delete Facebook: this is my big goal for 2022. my account is from 2008 and is the only place where a lot of my old photos are stored, so I’m starting by backing all of those up (learn how here). I think my intention will be to delete my account by my birthday in July. ⬜️ social media: I’m honestly committing to “Tweetless Tuesday 2022” (yes I coined this myself.) which means I’m logging off of Twitter every Tuesday, all year! Might take this a step further and also not use Instagram or Tumblr on Tuesdays either. #detox #cleanse

this is a decent amount of stuff for me to do this year but I will also heed any recommendations if you think I’m missing something important or useful!!

[astromechs]

keep whatever it is (that's compelling you on)

HERE IT IS, my matrix resurrections spec fic, completed and in under the wire before the trailer! i think i'm ready to quit fussing over this, and i'm really excited to get it out into the world!

also here on ao3!

01.

Every single morning, Thomas A. Anderson is jolted awake at approximately 8:15 AM by the shrill of the same alarm, shovels in the same shitty cereal before stumbling into one of the same five shitty suits that he has to remember to get dry-cleaned, takes the same seat on the subway on the way to work — where he sits in the same chair for eight hours straight with minimal breaks, staring at his computer screen (or, more often, out into nothing) until it’s time to take the same subway back to his shitty apartment, order from the same rotation of shitty takeout, and find some mindless, banal distraction while he ignores texts that don’t even matter anyway before he falls asleep to eventually wake up and do it all over again.

It’s nothing special — just the average life of an average mid-grade programmer at the average tech conglomerate. Comfortable, sure, and a dream many would kill to achieve; he knows this, knows this every time he passes the poor old woman who’s feeding pigeons in her ratty coat from the battered metal bench on the sidewalk in front of his apartment building. He slips her whatever spare change he has on him — a $20 bill, on the days he’s lucky, but often less than that — and, without fail, she always accepts, with a warm smile and kind eyes that seem to stare right into his soul, seeing the deepest parts of it.

Like she knows him. And that’s what’s weird.

He tries not to put too much thought into it, because, honestly, he tries not to put too much thought into anything at all; he’s found that to be the most effective way to navigate the machine that systematically runs his rhythmic, mundane life.

But even so, there are things that he knows he can’t shake.

One afternoon in late February, when the cut of the wind had not remotely suggested that spring would just be a month away, he’d passed the woman on the bench as always, but he could’ve sworn that the whole flock of pigeons scattered on the sidewalk at her feet had frozen for a split second. Like they’d been… glitching. In a blink, everything had returned to normal, and he’d spent about three days (and three sleepless nights) trying to convince himself he’d been seeing things, that he’d just been spending too much time actually working on his assigned program for once and that maybe he should take some of his accumulated vacation days? And the following week, he had, but….

No time off to try to clear his head would ever change the fact that this hadn’t been an isolated incident.

Because sometimes — he swears he sees pieces of code fall through his field of vision; a blink and then they’re gone, but it happens too often not to be a pattern, and no matter how much he might want to for the sake of his own sanity, he can’t just brush that aside. Sometimes, flashes come to his mind like barely-remembered dreams, in idle moments and just on the edge of the line that separates sleep from waking consciousness, so real that he knows they’re memories. Dark tunnels that haven’t seen the sun for centuries. Cold, so cold that no amount of warmth, human or otherwise, can really combat. Running, desperately bounding up the fire escape to the third floor of a rundown motel, three men in sunglasses and perfectly-tailored suits in close pursuit, his heart pounding in his ears so loudly he can barely hear the phone ring from Room 303, the place he has to get to, because everything depends on it. A barrage of bullets in his chest, one right after the other, back slumping against the wall as his heart gives out, vision fading to grey and then to black, but a voice, reaching through it all to call him, tether him….

Neo.

There are things that he knows he can’t shake, and sometimes, he thinks he had another life. Another name.

Another purpose.

He’s haunted by the ghost of it.

It’s the second of April — at least, that’s what the screen of his phone tells him, because otherwise he wouldn’t know, or care to know. A Friday, and all the faceless commuters are packed like sardines into this subway car, headed home for weekends that are sure to be as inconsequential as his own. Today, he has to stand holding the rail for the ride home; a woman trying to juggle both a baby and two bags of groceries had just barely managed to stumble onto the train before the doors had closed, and he’d sprung up, more than glad to give up his seat to someone in greater need.

She tries to thank him, profusely and repeatedly, but with where he’s standing, he would have to twist to keep facing her, so, with a nod and the barest hint of a smile, he turns away to spend the trip the way he always does: in solitude.

The route back to the station just down the block from his apartment building is never smooth, by any stretch of the imagination, but today, it’s bumpier than usual; the train car jerks and jostles, until, eventually, it sends him colliding into back of the passenger standing next to him.

He’s just about to stammer out some automatic, awkward apology, but then —

Blue eyes meet his, clear, crisp blue, and a jolt strikes him right to the core.

He thinks — no, he knows, he knows — he’s seen these eyes.

Neo. In the darkest corners of his mind, the voice whispers again.

Time freezes, glitches, around him, around him and this stranger with familiar blue eyes. He sees the light leave them, and then come right back. He sees warmth, what something is telling him had once been the only thing able to keep the cold of the real away; that warmth spreads through now, to the tips of him, and he has a sense, one he doesn’t entirely understand, that something has just clicked into place.

Behind sunglasses, another pair of eyes watches them from across the car.

“You all right?” Neo.

He sees brows knit in concern, and for the first time, he pays attention to the face that the eyes belong to. Probably the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen in… more than one life, he’d have to guess, is now in front of him; he isn’t so detached and disconnected that he doesn’t notice that. Her short dark hair is cut into a severe bob, and she’s dressed in black from head to toe — from her coat and gloves, to her boots. It suits her, somehow.

After a beat, he finally remembers to speak. “Yeah. I — sorry.” The subway jerks to a halt; he glances up, and adds quickly, after clearing his throat, “This is… my stop. Excuse me. Sorry.”

Pushing past her, pushing past everyone in his way, he disembarks to the station, and when his feet touch solid pavement, he takes off at a sprint. Up the stairs (third floor… Room 303….), down the sidewalk (agents, just behind… he can beat them, if he just runs faster than he ever has…), not stopping until the mundane certainty of his shitty apartment building is within his sights.

Just before he makes it safely inside, he catches a glimpse of the old woman on the bench watching him, her smile wider than he’s ever seen it. Maybe, even, almost inhumanly wide.

10.

Her name is Natalie.

That’s what he learns about a week later, when he bumps into her again in front of the grocery store on the corner down from the subway station, the one he always chooses out of convenience. Quite literally; he’s distracted, disconnected, and before he even knows what’s happening, he’s collided with another body, contents of the two bags under his arms spilling out onto the sidewalk. His apologies are hurried and stammered, but her hands are gentle as she moves to help, brushing his more than once. Her smile is soft when their eyes meet.

Over the next several months, he learns a lot of other things, too.

He learns that she takes her coffee with cream and no sugar, and that she always leaves the barista a generous tip. He learns that she’s a genius with tech, better than him and his two computer science degrees and half-cushy corporate job could ever hope to be, and has his whole apartment practically rewired in an hour one day. He learns that if he’s quiet and still, her black cat has no qualms with being his friend. He learns that her lips curve up in just a certain way and her eyes crinkle when she��s just about to laugh.

And he learns that kissing her feels like coming home, as familiar and peaceful as it is new and strange. He learns that with her, coming together, becoming one with another person, is like nothing else.

For the first time in what he can remember, he knows what it feels like to be alive.

(Only it isn’t… is it? The first time. Somehow, just like he knows that he sees the same person walk past him twice, like he knows that those glitches start happening on a near-daily basis, like he knows that the old woman on the bench is smiling at him more broadly than ever….

Their lives have collided, and given each other meaning, purpose, before.)

11.

In his dreams, he sees a city entirely built from light. Spires touch the sky like fireworks, blindingly bright, and with every step, flames ripple out from his feet, making the next one all too clear.

Inevitable.

This is where his path had always led.

In his dreams, he can’t see her face. He can only hear struggling gasps for breath, and a voice that only grows shakier. He can only feel the metal that pierces her stomach, the blood that pools on her shirt. The faint heartbeat he can do nothing to restart.

Inevitable.

(You were right, Smith. You are always right.)

He wakes with a start, drenched in a cold sweat (as cold as their last kiss), gasping for breath. Next to him on the bed, Natalie stirs and shifts closer; when he reaches out a tentative hand, lets his fingers graze over her stomach, she’s warm.

His eyes scrunch tightly shut. Code falls behind his lids like the rain that patters against the windows outside.

100.

There’s nothing out of the ordinary on this day in early fall. A breeze rustles the trees as they walk hand in hand through the park, and provides the first hint that cooler weather is on the way. Children’s laughter from the nearby playground fills the air. Dogs chase each other on the grass. Natalie sips her coffee, cream with no sugar; they enjoy the contented silence that falls between them, only punctuated by her soft smile.

There’s nothing out of the ordinary — except for everything that is.

They meet each other’s eyes, her blue to his brown, and in an instant, everything changes.

It’s hard to tell who sees it first, but — the flash of recognition envelops both of them. Vague memories, the ones that have floated over him like a constant cloud, just out of reach, are in his hands, in his brain, in his heart. He’d had another life once, another name. And it’d been —

“Neo.”

She whispers it on an awed breath, tears forming in her eyes. The coffee cup slips from her grasp, long since forgotten; she lifts that hand to his face, fingers tracing the rise of his cheekbone.

Tears swim in his vision, too, tears and strands of code, falling. Falling. Nothing makes sense and yet everything makes sense, no more so than when the name falls out of his mouth, the last piece of a particularly jumbled puzzle: “Trinity.”

But a thousand words he doesn’t know how to say don’t even begin to get a chance to form. He feels the eyes watching them more than he sees them; both hands drop to his sides, and he tenses, ready to fight.

He’s barely aware that the old woman who’s usually on the bench near his apartment building approaches on the sidewalk. She looks between them, nods, and:

“They’re coming, kiddo,” she tells him, voice severe, with none of her usual warmth, as she grips his arm. “You need to run.”

101.

At sunset, a man in a white suit, tall and imposing, joins the old woman on a park bench near the playground, but says nothing; from all appearances, it looks as though he barely acknowledges her at all. They remain, just like this, as people filter out one by one under the steadily darkening sky, returning to their lives.

They always remain through every iteration, the Mother and Father of the Matrix.

Preoccupied with purpose and the inefficiency of wasting time, as is his programming, the Father is the first to break the silence.

"I informed you it was a dangerous game.”

The Oracle says nothing in response.

She merely smiles.

[just-call-me-the-intrusive-thot]

Soulmate September - Day 6

Day 6 - When your soulmate is injured you will experience pain in that area

Pairing(s): Analoceitmus [ambiguous, can be read romantic or platonic, or a mix], QPR Royality 

TWs: Injury mention, swearing, Remus being Remus near the end 

–

“I’m going to sue him.”, Logan hissed, attempting to sit up in his hospital bed, “Soulmate or not, how can one man possibly be so irresponsible?! I’m definitely going to sue him.”

He winced as he tried to get comfy, but the tough mattress and uncomfortable bunching of the sheets said suffer. 

And boy, was he. 

Logan Sanders was an immaculate, careful man. Had been since he was a child. A neat and tidy lad who - upon learning of the rules of fate - made it his utmost mission to spare his soulmate any pain or anguish for as long as he could manage. 

His soulmate, however, didn’t seem to share that sentiment.

From childhood, Logan found himself with sudden knee pains from scrapes he never fell for, abrasions he had caused no friction to gain, and the occasional shoulder or back pain as if he’d been pushed over when he was standing perfectly upright. At least the universe had decided to spare humanity the anguish of leaving soulmates with the physical injuries that came with the pain, but it was only a minor comfort.

Logan couldn’t say he hadn’t expected a lot of rough and tumble from his soulmate after his elementary school years, but really; a broken leg, facial burns, and a splintered forearm? “This is absolute bullshit.”, he bitterly muttered, “Barely hours apart! How is that even possible?!”

His ranting went ignored by the nurse who came to administer his medication; thankfully science had worked out a wonderful little clear pill that could banish the pain from particularly debilitating soulmate pains. The little bastards were expensive - the true pain is always capitalism within the medical world -  but Logan’s job paid handsomely. Say what you will about computer nerds and whatnot, but programming for the right people lets you make some seriously high end bread. None of that homemade farmer’s market shit.

Unfortunately, he’d have to wait about a week for his pains to ebb gently into nothingness until the klutz of a man fate paired him with got into MORE trouble. Thus Logan couldn’t get back to his work. His leg was, for all intents and purposes, broken so the staff couldn’t let him go home. He couldn’t simply drive home himself either, his splintered forearm saw to that. And Logan couldn’t even ask his roommate Emile to bring him his work laptop to try and keep his workload at bay, his left eye was too cloudy and painful to concentrate on a screen. 

Yes; his soulmate BETTER be paying his hospital bills.

Realisation struck Logan; his soulmate is obviously just as injured, ergo it’s a high probability that he could be somewhere within the hospital too. Using his good hand to reach for a pen, and absolutely dreading adding to his pain, Logan poked the tip into his good arm, wincing as he first attempted to contact them with simple morse code, “My/ Name/ Is/ Logan. Who/ Are/ You?”

He waited for a response, fearing he would have to start scratching his name onto his arm when he felt the little jabs in response,  “Janus.” Great. He FINALLY had a name to put on the lawsuit. Logan, already wincing at the bee-sting pain from the pen, he jabbed out another message,

“Are/ You/ Currently/ Staying/ At/ Stokes/ General/ Hospital?”

The reply came cryptically,

“Yes / I / -”

Logan wasn’t sure why his soulmate had suddenly stopped replying. Had a nurse confiscated whatever his soulmate was using to poke himself? Either way, Logan would have to be content with the knowledge his soulmate was at least close by. He truly had no idea how close until two very disgruntled voices were within earshot of his room door,

“Brilliant, I just adore being ousted from my comfortable bed so I could spend even longer looking at your delightful face.”

“Oh, like you’re the victim here, asshole! You’re the one stabbing yourself and fucking up my unbroken arm!”

Logan watched them both argue outside of his room door. Both men were sporting similar injuries to his own; the first one that had spoken, refined looking gentleman with sharp features and neat blonde hair, had the left side of his face bandaged heavily. Meanwhile the other man, sporting raven hair and eye bags that could carry a month’s worth of groceries, was fitted with a cast on his left forearm. Both of them were on crutches, though Logan couldn’t see if either had a genuine cast.

“Ahem. Gentlemen?”

Logan called to them, watching as both turned to meet his gaze. He lifted the pen in his hand and asked, “I take it one of you is Janus?”

The man with the bandages over his eye, Janus, nodded, “That would be me.”

The man with the broken arm looked confused, “Wait, so, you’re the one who was ramming a pen into their arm? Damn.”, he turned, begrudgingly to the first man, “I guess I owe you an apology then.”

“Really you needn’t-”

“Then I shan’t.”

Janus glared at the other man’s snark, but Logan found it rather delightful. Clearing his throat once more, he breached the topic, “I take it that means we three are soulmates?”

“Four.”

Logan and Janus looked to the third man as he explained, “Your leg doesn’t have a proper cast on it, this asshole doesn’t have one either,”, Janus gifted the man a half glare and a middle finger before he continued, “And since I don’t have one, it’s pretty obvious there’s a fourth musketeer.”

Fair to say, Logan was impressed, even Janus was hiding the tiniest hint of admiration as he retorted, “And are we to call you Sherlock or D’artagnan?”

The man rolled his eyes, “Ha ha, fuck you. My name’s-”

“VIRGIL!!”

The man, Virgil, nearly lept out of his skin, jerking his arm and giving the three of them a jolt of pain. Logan felt relieved he’d only have to put up with it for a few more days once the medicine took effect. 

In the doorway stood a man who could only be described as unnecessarily handsome, clad in a burgundy bomber jacket and a Nightmare Before Christmas shirt that seemed out of place on someone who stood poised like the protagonist of a romance anime. Logan noted he and Janus both checked to see if his leg was broken; good to know they had similar tastes even if the man’s lack of a cast dashed their hopes. Said handsome man made a beeline for Virgil, only to receive a swat and a motion to back off, 

“Jesus fucking Christ, Princey, you nearly gave me a heart attack!!!”, Virgil hissed and took a deep breath. ‘Princey’ let out a fond huff, “You should be so lucky, Bring Me The Depression, do you know how worried Pat and I were when we couldn’t find you!? This, dearest Emo Nightmare, is karma at its finest-!”

“Yeah, yeah, shut up, Roman. Where’s Pat? He’s gonna wanna meet my soulmates.”

Roman blinked, finally registering Logan and Janus just watching the two of them reunite. Clearing his throat, Logan made the introductions, “I’m Logan Sanders, this gentleman is-”

“Janus Delgado. Charmed I’m sure.”, Janus butt in, “Really, Logan, I can introduce myself. Unlike some people.”

Virgil flipped him off just in time for Roman to frown in confusion, “And…. you’re all sure you’re soulmates? I mean, no offense but you don’t...”, he picked his words carefully, his face contorting at the effort, “....act like soulmates?”

The three of them looked between one another and shrugged, “To be perfectly fair - Roman, yes? - we have all literally just met today under…. Less than optimal circumstances. I doubt you and your soulmate, assuming you’ve found them, hit it off instantly.”

Roman blinked, “Kind of, we didn’t have any problems like this, quite honestly...”, he almost sounded guilty at that notion, “The worst we have to deal with is his cat allergies-”

Out in the hallway, a couple of nurses hurriedly walked past and allowed another man into the room who immediately lit up at the sight of Roman and Virgil, “There you both are!!! I got held up at the vending machine, but when I came back you were both gone!”

“Patton! How glad I am to see you once more!”, Roman beamed, pulling the taller man into a hug and planting a dramatic kiss upon his cheek, to which Logan, Janus, and Virgil simultaneously met with an ‘ugh’. Perhaps they were more alike than they first assumed. 

Patton turned to meet Janus and Logan’s gaze, looking back to Virgil who explained, “They’re two of my soulmates, Pat.”

For a moment, the tall excitable ball of sunshine looked like he was about to pop with joy when Roman held up a hand to interject, “Pardon me, but ‘two of’?”, and cast his confusion towards Virgil who explained, “Our last soulmate has a broken leg, it’s the only injury we can’t account for.”

Patton and Roman shared a momentary look, drawing Logan’s attention, “Roman? Patton? Are you both alright?”. The two seemed to play eye contact rock-paper-scissors to decide who would answer, with Roman losing apparently.

“When exactly did you feel the pain in your leg?”

“Couple hours ago” “Around three?” “Precisely 3:27 pm.”

Came the chorus of answers. Janus and Virgil both shot Logan a look, to which he quietly murmured, “It never hurts to provide a little extra clarity.”

“Apparently so,”, Janus began, before shifting his partial gaze to the couple, “So, are you lovebirds-”

“Qpp’s.”, Patton corrected quietly, to which, Janus did apologise, “Pardon me. So, are you queer platonic saps going to clue us in to why exactly you asked us such a specific question?”

Roman sighed, “I ask because my brother, Remus, broke his leg at that exact same time today. Pat and I were going to visit him right after we’d checked in with Virgil.”

The three soulmates shared a collective look, but the first one to pipe up was Virgil, “You have a brother?! Why am I only finding this out now, I’ve known you for 12 fucking years, Roman! What the fuck!?”

Logan exasperatedly ran a hand down his face as he tried to maneuver himself out of his bed and into one of the hospital’s wheelchairs, Janus offering a hand to him, “Virgil, as much as I would love to listen to you and Roman bicker back and forth, could we possibly save such trivialities for after we meet our fourth soulmate?”

This time Patton piped up, “Oh, um, you may not want to do that just yet-”

As if on cue, roughly six or seven medical staff rushed by, causing Patton and Roman to quickly look around the doorway, only to turn back to the others, “Well, no time like the present. Patton, if you help Virgil, I’ll help Janus once Logan can shimmy into that wheelchair.”, Roman assigned as he offered an arm for Logan to hold onto while he got himself in the chair. Noting the context clues, Logan was rightfully worried, especially as he felt a new pain in his hand, only to note that while Roman and Patton helped them move, Virgil and Janus seemed to be experiencing more pain in their legs than before. In the moment, Logan did feel a little bad that the pill he’d taken hours earlier was saving him from too much additional pain. Approaching the hospital room the medical staff had gathered within, the group were greeted with a wild scene.

A scruffy man strikingly similar in looks to Roman - albeit sporting a thin moustache and silver hair streak - wearing a leg cast was holding a crutch in one hand and an honest to god butterfly knife in the other, standing atop his hospital bed, raving like a lunatic and gesturing frantically to an empty space in the room,

“NOW WILL SOMEBODY FINALLY LET ME OUT OF HERE?! ME AND THIS BEAR WANNA GO CATCH HORNY FISH AND SHIT IN THE WOODS!!” 

Charming. 

Logan glanced over at Patton and Roman, the question clear on his face just like their answer. That was Remus alright. He watched Roman talk with a nurse trying to calm Remus, “We gave him some painkillers to ease his leg pains, but it shouldn’t be affecting him this much!”

“Oh, Remus has always been like this with medication, I should’ve warned the nursing staff.”, he groaned, “But that doesn’t explain-”

“He must’ve pushed the blue button behind his bed,”, Logan sighed, already anticipating Roman’s question, “The medical staff likely assumed Remus was coding and thus went into action. That’s why they’re here right now.”

Roman’s expression confirmed that was indeed going to be his question. As Roman went to help the nurses tranquilise Remus’ wild flailing, and while his other two soulmates stood by to watch the chaos - in varying degrees of worry and strange admiration bordering on attraction for his disregard for social norms - Logan tried to come to terms with the facts.

He had three very different soulmates, and by the looks of it? He’d have to get used to frequent hospital stays….

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This one’s probably on the weirder side, but uh, yeah, I hope it’s still a good read! [Also sorry these have been a little late lately TTvTT] @tsshipmonth2020 Taglist: @somehow-i-got-an-account @cateye-glasses

[shattered-catalyst]

OCD Subtypes for the RPC

Part 1 is here

Well well well, we are back for Part 2 of the Roleplayer’s Guide to OCD.

Fellow Ocd Folks, I see you in those tags and I'm going to do my best to ensure those obsessions are represented here- BUT understand that physically it is not going to be possible to list every single one because I am one person.  Regardless its incredibly brave of you all to rb and add things in the tags, I know its hard to talk about this shit and I see you. I see you.

Resultantly I typed this out and posted it in formatting to assist with accessibility in mind; if you cannot read it still ( I tried Im sorry!) i recommend the copy and paste method or getting the chrome extension bee-line reader.

 There will be grammatical and spelling mistakes. Im sure spacing is odd some places, but you have to understand doing this is extremely anxiety provoking for me so Im just getting it done when I can.

Remember to use your critical thinking; not everyone has the same symptoms/compulsions/triggers and all that.

OCD is fluid. Its like liquid mercury. One day its a handful of subtypes another day its another different serving.

If you are in general squicked about certain topics even by mention read ahead with your own judgement. Remember us folks that have OCD have many disturbing and distressing experiences so if you are writing a character who has OCD and you can’t read about it just don’t give them that obsessive thought/ compulsion. Make sure writing is still a safe and enjoyable hobby for yourself first and foremost.

But ethically and morally I cannot and will not leave out the more disturbing bits. You have the ability to scroll by, I and many others do not get the chance to escape triggering content that our own mind creates.

So read ahead with your best judgement or at least skip around the squicky parts and educate yourself on what OCD is so people quite using it as a Obsessive Christmas/Corgi/Cat Disorder thing. Alright? Cool beans.

Okay so you made it passed post 1 and got under the read more. Give yourself a gold star for diving into this monster of a document.

Below is a crash course it is not meant to replace actual psychoeducation, personal research, or google. Honestly most of us do our research extensively but because OCD is treated so horribly by social media, media, and society in general.

I wasn’t sure where to throw these together because the education tools to learn fully about OCD are very specialized and thus very restricted. I found that many people DO have these experiences with OCD though so I will represent them throughout. I’ll also sprinkle some of my own experiences so you can get a good reference of a person who has the disorder and not just a randomly generated person.

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So OCD is made up of Obsessions, Trigger, Intrusive thought, Misinterpretation/feared consequence,Somatic and Psychological Anxiety, and Compulsions/Rituals.

Your character may not be able to list all of these. In fact if they aren't in ERP therapy they may not be able to puzzle these things out. But YOU as the writer should know them. Your character won’t be walking around talking to just ANYONE that they have OCD. Remember a huge aspect of OCD is it’s Shame.  The disorder makes us feel intense shame regarding our intrusive thoughts, as a result OCD goes undiagnosed for years especially if it has pediatric onset.

  We won’t tell anyone what we are experiencing or why we are doing x y or z. We act like nothing is wrong because to emotionally react is to admit to yourself- and therefore the world- that you have had this intrusive thought and are therefore by virtue a horrible person.[For further information I would suggest also researching PANDAS].

It may be noticeable if your character has an intrusive thought. They may wince or grimace or roll their eyes certainly, but they won’t open up to Joe at the cafe about how their brain is constantly torturing them. I apparently have a very noticeable eye twitch.

 Depending on the nature of the intrusive thought it will get more or less of a reaction out of me. Its usually dependent on how distressing the intrusive thought is and/or if its a new one.

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You see OCD doesn’t sit still. It never looks the same. You’ll have your long haul intrusive thoughts that are with you for years but then you’ll have weird ass ones that just appear and demand their voice be heard yelling about cars hitting people or squirrels getting eaten.

Some people have similar ones! So while everyone is different there will always be someone out there with an intrusive thought similar to yours.

 For instance; I bonded emotionally with a lady on reddit because we both have intrusive thoughts during storms that animals and the homeless are dying. We were both horribly relieved to find another person and also distressed that every snow or rain storm brings horrible images and whispers to your mind that while you are warm and snug in bed someone is freezing to death. And its all your fault.

Some days are better than others. As with all mental illnesses it isn’t CONSTANT ALARM BELLS. Some days it will be all alarms and other days it will be like a gentle whisper on the breeze. You can almost not notice it. Almost.

Obsessive thoughts run the gauntlet from ‘i will/could have/may/may accidentally harm etc’ something that you hold of value. This is any obsessive thought that you have: you think about repeatedly and not by choice, it is very anxiety provoking, it is unwanted, and unwelcome.

 Mine run the scale from ‘squirrel will be murdered’ to ‘being responsible for harm’.

Compulsions or ‘rituals’ are any behavior done to alleviate the anxiety from the intrusive thought and trigger object. In short, compulsions and rituals are not fun. they are absolutely not logical, and we know they are not logical but we are forced to do them. Thats why its a disorder. 

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To emphasize from post 1: magical thinking and the faulty link between thoughts and actions are hallmarks of OCD.  Magical thinking can be anything from contamination to if I turn around three times or stare really hard at something the bad thing wont happen. Sounds weird and is weird and we know it is thats why its a disorder and not a delusion.

The faulty belief that thought=action is the biggest hurdle it is incredibly difficult to grasp, at least for me maybe some of you that have done further ERP can attest, that the mere concept of a thought not being the same as an action is completely and totally mind blowing.

Free will? Yeah thats terrifying. IDK about anyone else but free will is absolutely terrifying; what do you mean i could do anything i wanted?

Thats how you face OCD(WITH A TRAINED THERAPIST). You give in to ambiguity and the unknown. Its breaking that link between thought and action. Its incredibly difficult and draining. A five minute exposure leaves me in shatters for a week and two five minute ones had me ripping my nails past the nail beds with anxiety.

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Just a reminder: Do not have your character expose themself or expose folks with OCD to a trigger to “ help us get over with”. That is literally forcing someone with a mental illness into a break down and is not helpful. In fact its worse because a person knows about this intrusive thought and they tried to make it real. More shame and some trauma. 

If you have OCD, more likely than not a family member or significant other has tried this with the purest of intentions. But it never works like that. Theres a reason that therapists get special training for this. If people want a post on ERP I can make one at some point. 

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Actually let’s drag me with the squirrel thing as the example- fellow OCD Folks get out a pen and paper and try breaking down one of yours;

Obsession:Squirrel will be murdered

Trigger: seeing a squirrel

 Intrusive thought: Graphic images of a squirrel being murdered by a hawk/ impaling depending on the day

Misinterpretation/feared consequence: Squirrel will be killed and its all my fault

Somatic and Psychological Anxiety:intense anxiety, palms sweating, heart racing,

Compulsions/Rituals: Must stare at the squirrel to prevent bad things from happening, 

Now imagine if that is every time you see a fucking squirrel. You have somehow become completely and totally transfixed on a squirrel and nothing is going to pull your attention away or the squirrel dies- which your mind is giving you lovely images of btw.

Cute right?

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Below are the subtypes with general information/example thoughts/ and how some of these have impacted me socially because apparently some people dont understand that mental illnesses impact their social lives?? yall...

Social: This can range from ‘ i am constantly thinking i did something wrong so i have to ask for reassurance that we are still friends’ to completely unrealistic worries. Maybe its an intrusive thought that ‘ your voice is annoying them’ . There’s reassurance seeking, internal and external checking.

 It makes friendships extremely difficult and exhausting. You’re not trying to get to know someone with an annoying frat boy egging on anxiety in your brain. This can also manifest as having strict rules for yourself and ethical codes. 

My therapist likes to say she could give us (folks with OCD) a pile of hundred dollar bills and come back and they’d all be returned. Because OCD makes you so strict and morally confined. Which ISNT fun. Like I dont get pleasure over having to memorize the entire Code of Conduct!

Social Media: Its the bane of human existence some days and a lifeline the next. But what if everytime your follower count was an odd/even number it sent you into a panic attack. What if you spent all your time with intrusive thoughts that somehow someone misinterpreted a post or that someone is going to be harmed by a post you made about tapirs. 

You may be forced to block people to get your number down or keep pornbots on your blog to keep your number what you like (see there is a use for them! We sacrifice those before actual users!) You may be refreshing your page every second because ‘what if you miss a message’. It's going to look a lot like ‘check check check check reassure yourself double check your posts check check check reassure check check FALSE MEMORY check your post etc’

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Clothing/Body Image: When its not Body Dysmorphia it can be OCD. Sometimes this looks like I obsess about a body part and therefore I choose my clothes/hairstyles to hide those.  Some personal examples: as a kid I was sure that mind readers exist ( THIS IS AN OCD THING TOO I was so relieved to find that out) and that if i didnt wear  a particular hat they would see all these horrible thoughts and it would be revealed what an awful person I was. So I wore the same dumb ass bucket hat for a year (or more I cannot remember but it was a long ass time).

I was once so fixated on being given a compliment on my eye color that I wore sunglasses (even at night) to a summer camp. And if any of those teen girls in that cabin that stood up and mocked me in a crowded lunch hall by singing ‘i wear my sunglasses at night’ you all owe me 40$.

Even younger still I had intrusive thoughts. Like say, if anyone noticed I was female that i would be kidnapped so I chopped my hair very short. I altered my appearance to be very androgynous and even switched to walking more masculine. Because omg if your hips move someones going to kill you thats just how it works. ( It doesnt help I later figured out I was a lesbian)

Your wardrobe may be impacted by OCD and yes so can your body image.

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Also yes the fear of mind readers is also a thing; i always thought I was somehow faking OCD because yes that is also a…..

Faking: Do you value telling the truth? Do you detest lying ? Boy Howdy do I have some news for you. OCD is going to try and convince you that YOU LIED. Whether it was on a chastity pledge to get a free sandwich or in a conversation you just HAD. This links a lot with false memory OCD.

Another aspect is OCD makes us doubt we have OCD and tries to convince us we have any other diagnosis under the sun and we are obviously faking our OCD.

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Sexual Orientation OCD; It is as it is called. Sexual Orientation OCD is what happens when your brain goes ‘hold on what if you’re not this orientation what if you are THAT’. It doesn’t matter where on the LGBT umbrella you fall you will have OCD trying to convince you otherwise. From compulsive staring at members of the same/opposite gender to compulsively reassuring or checking with yourself to ensure that ‘ no no you are in fact THIS orientation.’ 

This can range in behavior from binge watching porn, staring compulsively to check that there is OR is NOT attraction,self checking past experiences and memories, analyzing your clothing and your lifestyle in painful and intricate methods.

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False Memory OCD; False memory OCD is basically your brain sitting you in a noir interrogation room, handcuffing you to a chair grilling you. It demands that you did *insert bad thing here*. This can range from anything from something Harm based to pretty much *anything* from other OCD subtypes. Which is quite delightful really.

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Sensorimotor OCD; Sensorimotor OCD is obsessive body responses. These can be ‘ I have to cough really hard and really feel it right in my chest and if I can’t get it right I have to cough until I do’. This can be counting your heartbeats. Trying to check yourself that you in fact have a heart and checking and reassuring that it is still beating. It can be hyper-awareness of swallowing or even swallowing repeatedly. It is anything with selective attention; ie its an automated process but your OCD is forcing you to be aware of it.

Your OCD makes you aware of the sensation of, say, breathing, and then it convinces you that if you stop paying attention to it you will stop breathing. So now you’re horribly aware and focused solely on breathing and breathing alone. It keeps me up most nights with the pounding anxiety fueled by the pressure of ‘if you stop focusing on breathing you will stop breathing completely’ or waiting to feel that last heartbeat in your chest. 

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Existential OCD; You ever feel existential ? Existential OCD is like having a very aggressive existential crisis that turns you into NEEDING answers IMMEDIATELY. This can look anything from hours panic scrolling the net to panic inducing anxiety because you don't know what happens after death. The thoughts are like foghorns on a misty sea.

This sounds basic and the only example i can give is as a teeny tiny 7 year old I had a panic attack in bed screaming that ‘ what if im a dinosaur and im asleep and i wake up and my whole family is GONE’.

To be fair I did like dinosaurs a lot.

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Harm OCD; This is pretty self explanatory but I will give more details. Harm OCD is OCD demanding that you will/could/can/may have/might harmed yourself/others/any living creature and that you alone are responsible. 

This means anything from getting anxious driving over crosswalks because ‘what if you dont see one and hit someone and its all your fault and you hit someone go back and make sure you havent hit anyone’ to ‘im holding a knife so im going to accidentally stab someone’ to ‘ i didnt see my cat this morning and now im at work and think she must be dead and i am responsible for her demise.’

 It can be as simple as ‘if i use a pencil i will stab myself in the eye’ or as complex as ‘ i may accidentally say a slur’/ ‘ i am going to say this horrible thing out loud if i cannot control myself.’ It can also be images of terror or racist/sexist/ableist jokes in your mind that repeat like a broken record.

(Please note from section 1 that this is extremely anxiety provoking and not something you would do. OCD preys on what we respect the most.)

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pOCD; Tumblr listen the fuck up because I am tired of seeing people get called shit on this website for having this mental illness. People who experience pOCD are not pedophiles, they do not get any pleasure or benefit. The thoughts and images are meant to induce harm to the person experiencing them. Children are normally the trigger for this and the resulting images can be very graphic. Again you aren’t attracted to children- thoughts of them getting harmed hurt you so your OCD makes you see them.

Know this so you can advocate for folks with pOCD in real life. Remember we are here. We are suffering and we are terrified of your children.

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Poisoning others/or in your food; Life isn’t medieval anymore but sometimes OCD demands we have a food taster or that we obsessively worry that we may kill someone with our cooking. Personally I struggle with colorblindness so I am constantly fretful over cooking any sort of meat so it’s difficult for me to cook it.

 However this also comes as; obsessive horrible thoughts of your cooking kill someone or that you have somehow/accidentally poisoned someone’s food (even if you haven’t touched it or been within a foot of it ) or that someone has poisoned YOUR food even if no one has touched it except you. You’re going to be picking apart your food or unable to eat out at all.

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Emotional Contamination: It’s similar to magical thinking and this terrifying prospect of mind readers. Emotional contamination can manifest as anything from intense worry over somehow gaining someone else’s negative personality traits.

 Or that somehow by interacting with any role of someone horrible will make YOU somehow also responsible for the horribleness.  There is usually a person or a type of person that is a trigger, but it can also be location based.

 This is one subtype where magical thinking and superstition are apparent.  

For instance; as a teen if a male was in my space or had physical contact;like shaking hands,giving a high five, being in my room etc. I would have to go around and physically touch all the objects that I perceive they may have also touched as a way to cancel out their presence. 

This includes wiping off myself to negate even the touch of family members. It really hurts peoples feelings, my father was especially hurt by this.

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Physical Contamination: This goes beyond physical dirt and grime. Most of us dont have spotless homes because if you’re having a fist fight with your brain everyday cleaning falls by the wayside just like it would for anyone else. Physical contamination holds 2 things: physical contamination obsessions AND compulsive cleaning behaviors/rituals. We believe that a small amount of a contaminate can cover large surfaces.

 Oh, and did I mention its not JUST dirt/germs/viruses. The list is expansive but heres a mixed bag of what they can be: sticky substances,dead animals,glitter (FUCKING GLITTER),negative words or language,colors, numbers, surfaces in general, food, people, and activities.  There is also a hyper responsibility to protect yourself and others from ‘contamination’.

Strangely there is a magical separation between the contaminated world and the ‘clean’ one. Spaces designated as clean would be a bedroom/bathroom/workspace where you are most active. That space is where the compulsions and intrusive thoughts occur. Its not I MUST CLEAN EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME. Otherwise I would be working cleaning houses because why the hell not amiright?

A real world example from a colleague would be a young man with physical contamination OCD is struck with such intrusive thoughts about cleaning that they refuse to allow anyone in their room or any animals in their home. But they are not able to even flush the toilet, take out the trash, wash dishes, or do garbage because of their intrusive thoughts.

The most famous would be compulsive hand washing but I feel it is important to also note OTHER aspects of physical contamination because everyone sees the hand scrubbing stereotype. 

Other compulsions include intricate rituals, not touching the floor (i played X-treme the floor is lava during college. I couldnt let my feet touch the floor because it was ‘dirty’),excessive showering (2-8+ hour showers guys, 8 hour showers. Thats what we’re talking about.)

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Relationship OCD: This comes as no surprise that yes you will have intrusive thoughts that you are somehow harming/ will harm/ may accidentally harm your significant other. Whether that be by physical or emotional means. It can look like ‘ I may have lied to her about how much I love her’, ‘ i may not actually love her and I may be leading her on’, and ‘ I must be corrupting her’. These can extend to certain physical activities with false memory OCD as a cherry on top. A great finishing garnish to leave you feeling absolutely dismayed and unable to trust your own perception.

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Scrupulosity: Religion! Whatever that may be! Its a thing with OCD.  With Scrupulosity obsessive thoughts run all over the board from; you committed a sin and forgot about it you monster to having to pray continuously/ a certain time/ until its right. What is right?Ask OCD that’s the only person who knows. 

We are fairly certain my grandfather had OCD because he went to church for every single Catholic Mass. Every single day. Every. Single. Day.  That’s not a healthy amount of attendance(I'm calling you out posthumously because I care Robert!). This can also look like: praying a certain amount of times. Praying until you do it ‘right’. Confessing every single potential sin. Cataloguing and dwelling over ‘sinful’ things. 

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Symmetry or Just Right OCD: Symmetry OCD is the runner up for ‘most likely recognized on tv shows’ award.

Symmetry OCD convinces you that if *insert thing here* isnt symmetrical or ‘just right’ (a magical position or number of objects that makes 0 logical sense) that something bad will happen.

This can range from the known; rearranging things. But it also looks like buying more objects until you reach the right amount and even throwing out objects if theres ‘too many’.

It can range from ‘the walls are percievably not straight so now i avoid that room at all costs otherwise i will be trapped traveling the edges of the wall with my eyes otherwise it will fall in and murder us ALL.’ to ‘ this historical bust is one inch off to the left and now all i see is visions of it breaking against the ground.’

So that is what I have time for. 9 pages on subtypes and basic information. If you find yourself wanting me information all of this is easily accessible online. So go, be free and dont ever compare people to Monk again. Write Batman and Scott Summers with OCD. Give us ACTUAL representation and not throw away joke lines. We are here. Our suffering isnt funny. We deserve representation too.

[dausy]

this is my half of the Lilymud Secret Santa this year. I didn't paint anything else Christmassy.

I hope everybody had a Merry Christmas.

Gonna flag my ranting and raving so nobody has to read it if they dont want.

mainly just for historical laugh at purposes really

My holidays have been full of stress! to even out the fun we were having I guess.

So it started back in November where we'd planned to visit the husbands parents for thanksgiving. Ofcourse we had already paid for the airplane and whatnot but then BAM! cat gets sick. 1200$ vet bill plus have to board him at an animal hospital literally last minute because I don't feel safe leaving him home alone. This is on top of already having to board the dog.

Airplanes also are a huge ass stressor for me. I do not enjoy them. They are no longer sending me into the panic attacks I used to have but I would honestly rather run crosscountry than be on an airplane. The whole trip stressed me out.

Then we get home and earlier this year Cruise tickets were so cheap because of Corona..like who can pass up 160$ per person tickets for a cruise? Well it sounded like a good idea then but now I kinda regret it. So we came home from thanksgiving and turned around and got on a boat for mid December. Husband gets a call while we are leaving the dock! saying his father died and we need to make arrangements. The two are estranged. Do you know how stressful it is to try and make end of life arrangements on a cruise ship leaving the country? kinda ruined the mood of the trip. Not to mention the quoted costs of cremating somebody you didn't know you'd have to, let alone be the one to pay for it! we had planned for the extra cruise costs and pet boarding but we hadn't planned for extra funerary costs on top of it.

then we come home and my husband has a tire blow on his truck so we went ahead and replace all 4 (nother 1200$ down) so that we'd be good so we can turn around and go to my moms for Christmas. Christmas btw was lovely until about 30 minutes after we left and my brother calls me saying "I know you just left but moms having a stroke and we're at the hospital"

like wtf bro and mom. Stooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooop.

Mom seems to be doing fine and even though they called a code stroke at the hospital her imagine and tests came back fine and they're not sure why she was having stroke symptoms and she's back home now. But I was panicking all night long that she'd be at home alone and nobody was watching her.

Anywho. I don't need money, I don't need help. Just ranting. I literally took a muscle relaxer and slept all night and all day. I am just so tired.

I'm so mad with how fast time is flying by but lord I hope 2022 is better.

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers #236: “I Want to Be an Avenger!”

October, 1983

Spider-Man -- An Avenger -- ?

Y’know, march of time and all that but this doesn’t seem as surprising as it once did.

Not much to say about this cover. It doesn’t have a lot to say about the issue other than ‘SPIDER-MAN INSIDE’ but boy does it say it.

But, oh, the logo changed and its snazzy! I quite like it!

So recent going-onses for the Avengers. Thor and Iron Man quit the team for personal business. Hawkeye broke his leg and is on medical forced-to-leave. Scarlet Witch and Vision were called in as reservists and Vision immediately got damaged by a crossover and has been in a robot-coma ever since. Starfox joined the team.

But in more positive news, they totally kicked the Wizard’s ass last issue and it cheered everyone up.

So the issue starts on a lazy summer day.

Scarlet Witch is on monitor duty, scanning for any ‘this looks like a job for the Avengers’ type calls. And multi-tasking by also thinking of her tubed husband.

Captain America takes his turn standing watch over the comatose synthezoid.

And for some reason, Cap leaning on the tube like that cracks me up.

Starfox spends his downtime trying to hit on Wasp.

His pickup line is so bad.

Wasp finds it charming in its misapprehension although it could also be the sexy beams Starfox emits from his brain.

And She-Hulk is taking a bath in a large barrel in the Avengers’ rec center, which they have. Maybe its the super hot bath?

She(-Hulk)’s also multi-tasking by looking up apartment listings while she soaks but finds that everything on the NY listings is either too small or too ritzy.

It be like that sometimes.

Jarvis comes into the rec center barrel bath area with iced tea for She-Hulk, trying to politely avert his eyes. But the intruder alarm goes off and she(-Hulk) tells Jarvis to hand her a towel and runs off to his flusterment.

Between Tigra and She-Hulk, I think poor Jarvis is getting overwhelmed with rad ladies on the Avengers.

The Avengers assemble in the main foyer and found that someone just barged in the front door and disabled the security tentacles with some sort of odd, artificial webbing.

Who could it be?

Who could possibly break into Avengers Mansion under the mistaken impression that its actually a cool way to impress them while asking for a job, showing that he’s learned nothing in years?

Could it be the person who expressed interest in joining in the previous issue? And who is also on the cover of this issue??

Yes.

Honestly, though, what an amazing splash page!

Also, spectacular and no-adjective.

Spider-Man knows how to make an impression.

Not a good one, certainly. But the Avengers aren’t going to forget the time he was casually chilling above the dining table.

And Pete isn’t going to forget it either. He’s going to wake up in a cold sweat years later still mortified at himself.

I also love it when the title of the issue is something someone said but since it has to be emphasized to make it clear its the title, they suddenly start yelling in the middle of a conversation.

She-Hulk has no patience for Spider-Man’s nonsense and grabs him off his web hammock to yell at him for barging in.

Spider-Man: “Well, I’m not exactly uninvited! Your buddy Thor asked me to join the club just a few months ago. Sure, I’m a little slow in replying, but I’ve had a busy season!”

And then he snarks about She-Hulk just wearing a towel because Spider-Man loves low hanging fruit.

SURELY, Spidey knows that offers usually expire, right? A few months ago is forever in comic time and Thor himself isn’t even on the Avengers right now.

I guess, in fairness, he has his reasons.

Besides his usual perpetual poverty liking the sound of a thousand bucks a week.

As he later muses to himself, Black Cat has been hospitalized because she tried to help him and he feels obligated to pay for her not-cheap medical bills. And he’s already quit grad school to spend more time earning but his freelance paychecks are nothing compared to an Avengers salary.

He’s being an incredibly presumptuous dick... but for a good cause.

And its just like Spidey that he has a good reason for being a jerk that he’d never mention leaving everyone to think he’s just a rude goofus.

What a shame.

Anyway, back at the present, Spider-Man asks where he enlists but Cap tells them that unfortunately their roster is full up. The sixth spot is being held open for Hawkeye when his leg stops being broken (and you think he was moany about being sidelined while his leg was broken, imagine him learning that he was replaced, eesh).

Cap does suggest that Spider-Man could join Starfox in the trainee program but Spidey throws a fit.

Spider-Man: “Trainee program?!? Hey, I’m Spider-Man, remember? I was sticking to walls when you guys were still looking for a clubhouse. I’m no green rookie!”

Starfox: “Green -- ? I take offense at your tone, Spider-Man!”

She-Hulk: “There’s nothing wrong with being green.”

Pffft.

As an actual rookie who is physically green, She-Hulk doesn’t care for that phrase, maybe.

She-Hulk and Starfox possibly beating up or more likely being embarrassed by Spider “will punk the entire X-Men in the not too distant future” Man is interrupted by a priority alert that goes ARROOOOOOOO

... Is it the Nixon alarm?

Why haven’t the Avengers fought Nixon’s head on a war mech yet??

Spider-Man offers to give them a hand if their priorities are being alerted but with this particular alarm, Wasp decides its best if they stick to the rules.

And then She-Hulk chases Spidey out by throwing a chair at him.

Spider-Man: Well, that was certainly a wash-out! Maybe I shouldn’t have come on as such a wise guy... Maybe I should have come to the door all humble and contrite. Nah, they wouldn’t have believed it was me!

.... Hah.

But he sees the third-floor of Avenger’s mansion opening up to launch the Quinjet and fount of good decision making that he is, he decides to jump onto the Quinjet as it launches.

Spider-Man: Whew! This baby is really starting to pick up speed! I feel like I’m in a wind tunnel. My sticky fingers can hold onto just about anything under normal circumstances... boy, I wish these were normal circumstances! I wonder if this was such a good idea.

No, Pete, it wasn’t.

But your inner monologues do add a bit more joy to this issue so I forgive you.

Inside the Quinjet, She-Hulk notes that the controls handled a bit sluggish right after take-off but eh whatever the problem disappeared after they went supersonic.

Huh. I wonder if Pete is ok.

Anyway, Captain America, She-Hulk, and Starfox are headed towards Project Pegasus.

Since it hasn’t come up in Avengers yet, Project Pegasus is a government research facility that seeks out new types and sources of energy. And Cap helped organize their security force back in Marvel Two-in-One #42.

The priority alert wasn’t the highest priority. Just a code-five, indicating a low-grade emergency. But it didn’t come with any details so Cap is vexed.

Three Avengers should be enough for a code-five but problems at Project Pegasus tend to balloon into worse problems.

You wouldn’t think a research facility would attract so much negative attention but as Cap points out, there’s a lot of people who have a vested interested in making sure energy stays scarce, expensive, and presumably non-renewable.

And considering that the oil companies like Roxxon are EVEN MORE BLATANTLY EVIL in the Marvel U, yeah, uh, bad shit is going to occur.

Also, Project Pegasus doubles as a place to jail supervillains so their powers can be studied.

So, yeah, Pegasus having a priority alert probably means a headache.

So these three Avengers are going in but Wasp and Scarlet Witch are on stand-by just in case.

The visit to the super secure research station goes off to a bad start when guards rush the Quinjet when it lands because a foreign object was detected on the undercarriage.

Of course it’s Spider-Man.

But before he can be arrested for breaking into a secure facility, his spider-sense buzzed.

It’d be a bit confusing if it wasn’t buzzing before though. He has a bunch of rattled guards pointing guns at him right after some unexplained emergency has happened.

That doesn’t set off the Peter Tingle at all??

Anyway, since the buzz is pretty intense, he figures that its warning him of something “a lot more dangerous than the lecture Cap’s going to give me!”

Hah!

He doesn’t manage to warn anyone before a tremor knocks (almost) everyone off their feet with a THROOM

Spider-Man is still standing because he loves Elton John forewarned is forewarned and he can stick to things. And to his surprise, Cap manages to stay on his feet.

Cap: “It’s just a matter of knowing how to react and how to brace yourself, Spider-Man.”

Hah!

That’s So Cap.

Spider-Man asks if he realio trulio can’t give Cap a hand with this situation. Y’know, since his spider-sense probably will come in handy. Cap isn’t sure because of the question of security but Spider-Man has an idea there.

See, he’s been here before!

In Marvel Team-Up Annual #5 he helped save the dang place! They can ask chief of security Wendell Vaughn (who is also known as Quasar but probably not to all the people in this scene?).

Unfortunately, Vaughn quit a couple months back. Oops.

But since Cap vouches for him the guard driving them to the lower levels is like ‘eh whatever.’

The power of a Cap vouch is not to be underestimate and never to be used for evil.

They’re headed to the thermal research dome because its the last known location of new security chief O’Brien. And where he sent the alert from. AND where the recent quake came from.

That’s good multitasking.

They reach the blast doors sealing off the entire level.

Because yes, not only did O’Brien send an alert, he also sealed off the entire level and now something’s jammed the lock.

They have no idea what could be locked behind there but they do have a Spider-Man and Starfox asks him if he’s getting a bad feeling about anything.

Spider-Man isn’t getting any bad vibes, deeming it safe to go inside.

Y’know, this is an amazing way to use Spider-Sense that they could do more with. I always love it when Spidey basically exploits the sense for things other than combat dodging.

Like when trying to figure out how to turn off a device he didn’t understand in Avengers EMH, he just went around almost yanking wires until he found one that didn’t set off the ‘OH MY GOD YOU’LL DEFINITELY EXPLODE IF YOU DO THAT’ buzz.

Anyway, it being probably safe, Cap tells She-Hulk and Starfox to open the door.

Which they do, with gusto.

And a GRU-U-UNNG

Inside the ruins of the thermal research dome, a bunch of semi-conscious technicians lie about in heaps.

Some Project Pegasus security personnel fan out to do administer first aid while the Avengers look for O’Brien.

Makes sense. The nameless extras help the nameless extras so we don’t go ‘hey are the Avengers dicks for only talking to people with names?’

O’Brien is pinned under an arc of steaming rock which Cap starts chipping in half with his shield while She-Hulk, Spider-Man, and Starfox - all people who could lift that rock - just stand and watch.

Or heck, maybe its not supposed to be a random rock arc. Maybe its attached to the floor. Still though, She-Hulk, Spider-Man, and Starfox could probably break it more easily than Cap does.

Teamwork makes the dream work, guys and She-Hulk.

Spider-Man recognizes O’Brien’s green and also green Not-Iron Man armor from newspapers and realizes that he’s the Guardsman.

That just makes O’Brien sad.

Guardsman: “Aye, I am... or I was. The state this armor’s in, no one’ll ever be callin’ himself the Guardsman again! As of now, I’m just plain Michael O’Brien.”

The Michael Formerly Known as Guardsman starts to Explain It All.

He had come down to the thermal dome to watch the thermal dome researchers sink a new magma tap.

But molten rock came shooting up from the tap hole, which is a thing that’s definitely not supposed to happen.

Oh, and some molten men (but not Molten Man) climbed out of the hole and started trashing the joint.

Plain Michael O’Brien realized pretty quickly that he was the only one who could stand up to these hot men so he signaled for help, hit the evacuation alarm, and sealed off the level from the rest of the project so the problem was contained.

And then he got mobbed by the hot men and got his ass kicked. Turns out that his armor was pretty useless against lava men.

Oh, yeah, Cap recognizes them as lava men from his description.

Spider-Man: “Lava men? You have to be kidding, Cap! Lava men? I don’t believe in lava men!”

Cap: “Belay that, mister! I’ve been up against lava men -- and they’re nothing to joke about! You’d better thank your stars that they left -- !”

You might also remember that Cap has been up against lava men allllllll the way back in Avengers #5. Technically the first adventure he had with the Avengers after officially joining them.

It was also the issue where Thor stoically sank into lava without changing his expression from his default vaguely annoyed one.

Anyway, O’Brien tells the Avengers that the lava men battered their way into the maintenance section since they couldn’t escape to the rest of the facility.

It’s a real good news bad news situation because there’s no one for them to hurt in there and also its a straight shot into the nuclear research dome.

And we don’t want any kind of meltdown there.

Cap decides that this looks like a job for AVENGERS to ASSEMBLE towards. And more than the three plus special guest star they already have.

MEANWHILE, over in New Orleans at an important meeting that definitely would be bad to interrupt, Monica Rambeau (secretly the Avenger known as Captain Marvel but not the dead guy version, true believers) is applying for a small business loan.

And then she gets a bzzt on her radio watch for an Avengers emergency.

Oh no, what of her small business loan!

And also: what small business is she starting? I think I heard at one point that she ran a fishing business with her father?

But what of her small business loan!

Well, Monica agrees with her bank guy Mr. Hillbee that its an alarm watch and that its reminding her of another pressing engagement so hey is there a lot more that they have to do here?

Luckily, all that’s left is for her to sign the documents.

Phew, I’m very used to superhero stuff interrupting a superhero’s civilian life and then them angsting about it. It’s actually a relief that Monica was able to finish up at the bank before dashing off to a phone booth to take a radio watch call with Scarlet Witch.

Wanda tells Monica that they just received a call from Cap(tain America) telling them to get to Project Pegasus. Wanda tells Monica that they’re in transit now and asks if she can join them.

And then the line goes dead before Wanda can give coordinates.

Because Monica just followed the radio signal back to the Quinjet.

She apologizes that it took her so long (!!) because she had to stop at home first to pick up her costume.

Wanda marvels captainly “And I thought my brother, Pietro, was fast!”

Ha ha amazing.

I love Captain Monica Marvel’s ridiculous powerset.

She’s even talking right into their radio so she can communicate from outside the Quinjet.

Wasp, Scarlet Witch, and Captain Marvel arrive at Project Pegasus where they’re briefed of the lava men situation by some of the security staff.

Captain Marvel nyooms ahead lightspeed dash style while Wasp and Scarlet Witch lag behind by taking a high-speed railcar.

Dang, Project Pegasus is big.

I just flipped ahead pages to see how long it takes Captain Marvel to join Cap(tain America)’s group and its a bit.

I guess maybe there’s some overlapped time going on though.

Meanwhile, two technicians in research dome D-2 (called the Compound for some dang reason) ignore all the various alarms and such that have been happening because they’re super into their project. And are possibly mad scientists.

They have the intensity.

But they’re working on... Dr. Croit’s stabilizer? And apparently its vibratory pitch was changed by the tremor that happened? Unbeknowst to them, Captain Marvel just nyoomed by outside and the proximity of her energy form activates the device and the silhouette of some guy leaps out proclaiming FREE!!

Back at the Avengers side of the plot, Cap(tain America)’s group has encountered some lava men.

Spider-Man: “Hey, Cap... I take it all back! I do believe in lava men! I really do!”

Hah.

The lava men are between the Avengers and the nuclear dome so Cap starts thinking of ways to flank them so they can keep them away from it.

She-Hulk starts trying to plow a hole through their forces and... uh.... ok. Cap has Starfox just fly around and annoy the lava men because they’ve never seen a flying man before and its just freaking them out.

Really.

Cap asks Spider-Man to use his webbing to throw up some barriers in the lava men’s path.

Spider-Man: “Heck, I can do better than that, Cappy! Just a couple spritzes of webbing, and these little hotheads won’t be going anywhere for hours!”

Cap: “No, you young fool! Don’t you see what you’ve done!”

Throwing web on the lava men makes them panic because it seems like there’s a lot of stuff that they’re not familiar with and all of it alarms them. When they’re alarmed, their body temperature raises and can get up thousands of degrees.

So they just melt loose of the webbing and now they’ve learned not to be afraid of the webbing at all and they can’t use it to corral them.

Spider-Man: “Would it help if I said I’m sorry?”

Cap: “It would help if you’d follow orders! The Avengers is a team! If you want to be part of the team, act like it! Otherwise, stay out of our way!”

Yeahhhhh. I mean, most of the time. You have your fair share of idiots doing their own thing in the Avengers because all of these guys have egos you wouldn’t believe. But generally they can agree to work as a team.

And Spider-Man, of this era, isn’t much of a team player. Not like Wolverine or Batman ‘i work best alone, bub’ type of not a team player where they’re lying about not being good at teamwork because they like being surly and dour because they think it makes them more interesting. But Spider-Man mostly works alone and is used to just doing whatever he thinks the best idea is. And he has the proportionate speed and reflexes of a spider so he can do whatever he thinks the best idea is way before you can tell him its a bad idea.

That’s why Spider-Man makes so many bad decisions, because he can make them faster than good sense can catch up [citation needed].

Anyway, as he is NOW, he’s not a good fit for the Avengers.

Then again, neither was Hawkeye and they let him join. Makes ya think.

Back over at surprise man out of a box lab, the surprise man was Blackout.

He looks like he’d be an electricity themed villain but apparently his element is darkness. Annd he debuted in Nova annnd this is his second appearance?

At the end of his debut story Nova #19, Blackout was apparently sucked into the Darkforce dimension, a fate that Dr. Croit’s stabilizer had been invented to prevent.

So I guesss.... the stabilizer’s settings were altered by an earthquake and then it was powered by ambient energy from Captain Marvel zipping past and it managed to stabilize Blackout, yanking him free of the Darkforce dimension?

I guess??

As far as villain returns go, its not the most ridiculous but it is a bit contrived.

Blackout has no idea where he is and rants about how he’ll level the place if that’s what it takes to find his way out and in a more acceptable contrivance, he happens to be passing Moonstone’s cell when he says this out loud to nobody in particular and she likes the cut of his jib.

Moonstone: “Sounds like you’re a man after my own heart!”

Moonstone tells Blackout that she’s been locked up here so Project Pegasus could study her powers and that they want to use her the way they would have used Blackout but hey what if they join forces and get some comeuppance.

Blackout: I don’t know if I should trust her... But something about her voice is so reassuring.

Yeah, that’s what we call a red flag, you dingus.

Are we back to the days where some dudes will just villain because a lady bats her eyes?

Anyway, the locking mechanism is too complicated to figure out so Blackout just squeezes it until it explodes.

Um. Okay.

-checks wiki-

The wiki says he’s only supposed to have normal human strength but Blackout himself claims that his body is a living generator of black star energies.

Which apparently means he can squeeze an electronic lock to death. I dunno.

Freed from her cell, Moonstone leads Blackout to what they can do next.

Meanwhile, the Avengers are still struggling with the lava men two levels below. And the fracas has reached the corridor to the nuclear dome. Its now or never but the numbers are too overwhelming even for She-Hulk.

Spider-Man manages to leap above the fray and get forgotten in the confusion but doesn’t find that he can do much. He tries webbing the door to the nuclear dome shut but the lava men don’t even bother opening it when they can melt through.

Hmmmmm not a good showing for a guest starring so far...

When the lava men succeed in melting through the door, a blinding light shines through and the lava men kneel down and start bowing to it.

Ohhhhhh, I get it! They’re not trying to cause a meltdown! They just want to worship nuclear light!

... No? I don’t got it? Okay.

The bright light is actually Captain Marvel who took a shortcut to the nuclear dome to reach the Avengers.

And the lava men are really enamored with her, proclaiming her the lady of light foretold in legends.

Captain Marvel just kinda rolls with this and asks them whats the deal with all the rampaging and destroying.

Lava man: “We did but strike back, radiant one! Our village, deep beneath the Earth, knew peace -- until the surface men bored into our midst with their machines. We could not allow this attack to go unanswered. We only used our powers to stop the invasion!”

Wait, isn’t this the plot of the Jetsons movie?

Cap(tain America) smoothly slides in, diplomatically, to announce that then the surface people beg forgiveness and that this has all been an unfortunate misunderstanding that he pledges shall be put right.

And like how Cap’s clout got Spider-Man into this story, Cap borrows Captain Marvel’s clout to back up his diplomacy roll, saying “The Lady-of-Light will tell you that I speak the truth!”

It’s a good thing that Monica wouldn’t go mad with power.

Also, Scarlet Witch and Wasp show up, while Spider-Man snarks that they “missed the end of the movie.”

But since we can’t have pat resolutions given the subplot that was happening while the Avengers were distracted elsewhere, in the Compound, it turns out that Blackout and Moonstone have freed Electro and Rhino. And Moonstone has a Big Evil Plan.

Blackout: “Pay them back? Yes... yes, we must. But how?”

Moonstone: “In the best way possible! We’re going to bring this place to its knees -- by seizing the nuclear research dome!”

But that’s where the Avengers are! Silly villains, you’ve double booked!

Also, I wonder if the universe cosmically influenced Moonstone to get two Spider-villains involved on the one day that Spider-Man was tagging along.

I also wonder what Moonstone is thinking. She’s the ‘know when to fold ‘em’ villain.

Hmmm... Putting Electro and Blackout side by side makes Blackout look like Electro’s grumpy younger brother.

All kinds of good decisions have been made!

Follow @essential-avengers​ for more thoughts on villain couture. Also like and reblog so I can feel like I did a good job.