#bigfoot junior

[victory-cookies]

this is for all of the taz amnesty ballad of bigfoot enjoyers out there

fantasy high junior year ep 9 / the adventure zone the ballad of bigfoot: an amnesty story

[lasudio]

VeronaHills, Round Ten: Mann

The Mann family's country home was perfectly appointed for a wedding, with enough space to seat the entire Capp contingent.

Juliette and Junior married at dusk. She'd always considered it to be a romantic time - perhaps a holdover from awaiting Romeo after dark in her teens - though Junior didn't need to know about that. He liked the nighttime setting too; moonlight afforded a more appropriate setting for cracking open the bubbly and dancing on tables as soon as the vows were done. There were a few Capps who pursed their lips at the perceived impropriety, and Rich did take his son aside for a word after an attempted cartwheel, but all in all, society spread word of the heiress' beautiful wedding the next day.

On the flight to Three Lakes for their honeymoon, the newlyweds wondered if they might've single-handedly popularised sundown ceremonies in the village. They laughed and toasted to Riverblossom Hills, seeing just how quaint it was from their private jet above (a gift from Juliette's mother, who would've simply passed away if they'd flown with everyone else). Suddenly, Junior halted his laughter and stuffed his hand into his pocket. He breathed a sigh of relief when he heard the crumple of paper.

"What's that?" Juliette asked.

Junior unfolded a squashed scroll that was just barely hanging on to its pulp. It looked like someone had spilled tea on it and left it on the floor to be trodden on thereafter, yet Junior danced it across his fingertips like spun gold.

"Dad's gift," he replied. When Juliette's face bent into confusion, he elaborated with much anticipation: "A map to find Bigfoot!"

Lana's gift was based in reality, at least. The massage artists found and unwound knots in the body Juliette didn't even know existed. She was extremely impressed with how fluid her body felt afterwards - until her father-in-law's map actually led to a sighting of a hulking, hairy figure who could only be that creature of legend. Just as well - they'd hiked quite a distance uphill, with Junior giddy all the way.

It was nice of Rich to give his son a childhood dream that money couldn't buy. Odd for a tycoon, Juliette thought, but still nice.

[wfodicks]

#623: HARRISON SCOTT KEY AND PODFASTING

mike and travis discuss the following topics…. the pga invasion…… the massage gun story….. bath tub desk….. after the break, we talk to author harrison scott key about writing, baths, bigfoots going to college, trains and more. check out his website where you can get more info on his book and follow him on social media here. here’s a link to buy it on amazon if you want to just buy it on…

[wonderjanga]

Frenemies

Black Adam and Captain Marvel hate each other. It’s a well-known fact, or at least Black Adam hates Captain Marvel. To be honest, Marvel doesn’t really show much hatred towards him. So… yeah. Though, to be honest they’re more arch frenemies than enemies. But don’t worry, they’re still plenty enemies. This post is connected to the post about Marvel beating the shit out of Adam for not paying him back his five dollars. (I Want My Money post)

Mary: *in Marvel form* “Captain! Captain, you jerk, where are you?!” *looking for Billy*

Marvel and Adam: *drinking smoothies together on a rooftop*

Mary: “There you are- Why are you drinking smoothies with Adam?”

Marvel: “Why not?”

Mary: “Just yesterday, he slammed you through a bus.”

Black Adam: “It's in the past.” *sips smoothie*

Mary: “Is it though?”

Marvel: “Yeah.” *sips his smoothie*

She ended up joining them and got a smoothie of her own in the end. Surprisingly, when Adam isn’t trying to kill either of them, she’ll begrudgingly admit he’s okay to talk to. She doesn’t know how Billy’s so chill around him. (It’s because Billy is Billy “no danger awareness” Batson. I’ve seen the comic panels of him barely blinking at a murderer or something trying to kill him)

Marvel: “I gotta go early guys.” *stands up to leave*

GL(John Stewart): “Gotta date?”

Marvel: “Nope. Dinner with a friend”

Aquaman: “Ooooooh who? Bigfoot?”

Marvel: “I already told you, she prefers to be called Rhonda. And no. It’s Teth.” (Marvel and the Supernatural post)

GL: “Teth? Is that another hero?”

Marvel: “No. You guys know him as Black Adam.”

*silence*

Aquaman: “Is this a Batman-Catwoman situation?”

GL: “You’re never letting Bruce live that down are you?”

Marvel: “No? We’re just friends?”

GL: Wait but I thought he was your arch enemy?

Marvel: “…Yes.” *has never once thought of Adam as an arch enemy* (He once admitted this to Adam and uh… the guy wasn’t really happy. His hurt was like the equivalent of thinking someone’s your best friend, but they don’t think the same)

Aquaman: “Yet you can call him your friend and go out to dinner?”

Marvel: “Yes. But only sometimes. Right now we’re friends. Tomorrow, probably not.”

GL and Aquaman: *share looks* “Okay…?”

The JL thinks their frenemiship is strange. So does everyone else.

Marvel: “Are we still on for lunch tomorrow?” *punches him*

Black Adam: “Yes.” *kicks him*

Marvel: “Are you still bringing that Khandaq dish you mentioned?” *grabs and throws him*

Black Adam: *rushes over to tackle him* “If you even live to see tomorrow, yes!”

Junior: “DUDE ARE YOH SERIOUSLY TALKING ABOUT DINNER PLANS MID FIGHT??” *nearby nearly knocked out because earlier Adam delivered a foul punch to his stomach and sent him flying*

By the way, this isn’t some Uncle Adam type nonsense. Adam genuinely thinks Billy is just a hyperactive man child. As for why Teth chooses to spend his time with him every now and then? He’ll never know. (He doesn’t have any other friends. There’s also the fact the man child makes decent conversation. (Billy’s carrying most of the conversation))

[talesfrommedinastation]

My redneck neighbor Doug on 'Tribe'

When not turning his home into a giant light hazard for Jesus's Birthday or getting into yelling fights in the alley with Bobby Lee (another redneck neighbor who is a DIE HARD 'Bama fan) about SEC football, Doug's been randomly texting me things about the Jedi.

I'll update y'all on that soon enough. (Plo Koon = Sexy Shrimp Daddy?!)

Meanwhile, here is his review of his favorite episode of Season 2 of The Bad Batch...TRIBE, or as Doug calls it 'Chewbacca Junior and the Weed Business'.

Yes, a random fetch quest one in which Clone Force 99 helps out a random Wookiee kid. His favorite. Don't ask.

Need a Doug refresher? Check it out under Doug Talks Star Wars here.

TW: Doug Doug's as is his Doug-like wont. Hold onto your butts. A little calmer since Daddy Warcrimes is MIA in this one.

-----------------------------------------------------------

So we got Daddy Rambo and the gang making counterfeit licenses for underage drinkers or whatever. You gotta do what you gotta do, I guess, and Daddy Rambo will do a lot of things, but obtaining gainful employment ain’t one of them. 

Ryan-from-Accounting is smug as hell about his counterfeiting operation. You’re so smart, Ryan-from-Accounting, why don’t you go to law school and start practicing corporate licensing? At least you can get equity there, ya dingaling.

And Little Orphan Blondie runs away because she’s embarrassed to be seen around them. I get it, kid.

Woah, it’s Chewbacca Junior! Are the lizard and robot people trying to sell him to the circus or something? Oh, he’s a Jedi?! When did this happen, this is awesome! I loved Chewbacca! I love Wookiees! AWESOME!!!

And Little Orphan Blondie is protecting him, go Little Orphan Blondie, go! 

I hope they adopt Chewbacca Junior and get him a collar and a nice bed on the floor of the HMS Search Warrant. They need a pet. Little Orphan Blondie can brush him and put bows in his hair! Do you think he uses a litter box?

They’re taking him home, and look! Little Orphan Blondie is giving him her Lunchables. I’m proud of the Dad Batch, they’re teaching Little Orphan Blondie good morals. Oh, poor wee Chewbacca Junior, he has no family and when he talks it sounds like Jimmers when he’s treed a squirrel*.

But Ryan-from-Accounting can understand him! Ya know, I wonder if his helmet can translate Bitch and that’s how Ryan-from-Accounting talks to his Bitch Wife Laura. 

It would be awesome if they adopt Chewbacca Junior and he attacks people with his lightsaber. He’s like a pet version of an MR-15! Imagine the DAMAGE his furry ass would do on the battlefield! 

Ooh, they made it to Wookieeland! Ya know, it always reminded me of where Jenny and I used to camp in northern California. I wonder if there’s a brewery nearby? I bet Toaster Strudel needs to throw back, that man needs a beer and a restraining order from Daddy Rambo. 

Oh SHIT, looks like the bugs from Klendathu made their way down to Wookieeland. Somebody call the Starship Troopers! Oh, wait, they can talk to those things like Dougie Houser did? Woah. Neat. 

Looks like the Empire found the Wookiee weed farm and torched it. Poor Wookiees, they’re just trying to make an honest living growing herb. Leave ‘em alone!

Which planet makes meth, my money’s on Tatooine, it looks like New Mexico and that place is meth Disneyland, there was a whole TV show about it. 

(Above is...Tatooine?! - Dr Meat Muffin)

Oh man it’s Houma-BBQ-Bitch’s shitty brothers and they’re burning the whole weed operation to the ground. Guess they work for the DEA.

Kick their asses, Wookiees! Now they want Chewbacca Junior, but the Dad Batch is saying FUCK YOU! 

Go Dad Batch go! Fire ‘em up! Destroy the tanks! GO JULIO GO! It’s like Apocalypse Now with Bigfoot!

More Wookiees! And they’re riding giant monkey-cats! AWESOME. Man, I feel stoned just watching this episode. Why can't I stop giggling.

Granny Wookiee says come on in and have some weed! Oh, shit, are they doing ayahuasca? Toaster Strudel ain’t having it, but Julio’s down. Julio’s down for anything, he’s probably gonna stick around, use his pipe laying skills, and get some free ganga out of the deal. Man, we all need a Julio in our life. Love him. 

Oh, poor Chewbacca Junior can’t find a home. Come on, Granny Wookiee, just let him crash with you guys! He can clip weed on the side, he’s got that lightsaber, let ‘em have it. But first, let’s talk to the trees! Did they take mushrooms before this scene, Jesus Christ this really does take place in Humboldt County, doesn’t it.

Ah, nevermind, the gators that run the DEA are here. With Stormtroopers. Oh shit, are the gators wearing Wookiee pelts while fighting Wookiees? That’s some Silence of the Lambs shit right there.

Welp, time for fire fights, Smokey the Bear does not approve of this episode, especially as one of the lizard men chases Chewbacca Junior and Little Orphan Blondie into the woods with a flamethrower. 

Oh shit, there are the bugs! Shit, am I actually cheering on the bugs from Starship Troopers? What is going on here, I’m so confused. Whelp, they’re eating Houma-BBQ-Bitch’s brother, good for them.

Back to Granny Wookiee’s Pot Palace, where Toaster Strudel and Julio throw back her questionable moonshine and smile at each other. If they end up with Wookiee girlfriends, it will be weird, but I will be happy for them. 

And Little Orphan Blondie and Chewbacca Junior are talking to the trees, again. Just watching this episode makes me wanna go back to Electric Forest. Except I don’t think Oceana County has wookiees, but it does have crazy people in the woods I guess. 

*=Jimmers is Doug’s extremely handsome poodle mix dog. His full name is Jimmers Jimothy Jimerson III and they found him as a stray when he was eating trash behind a bowling alley in Nacogdoches. 

Where my Doug fans at? @amalthiaph @eyecandyeoz @merkitty49 @sued134 are the biggest, but let me know if ya wanna be tagged in the next installment!

[hussyknee]

I'm so fucking mad.

Yesterday I took 50mg of Atomoxetine (Strattera) out of sheer frustration instead of my prescribed 30mg which was doing nothing.

And then...I was like "get up" and I would get up. "Go find the electricity bill" and went and found the electricity bill. "Sort through all the mail and organise it" and just. Fucking. Did it. No getting stuck for half an hour and spiralling in anxiety because my executive commands weren't going through.

I went to the hospital and begged those fuckers to increase my dosage and spent half an hour trying to convince them that this is clearly my ADHD symptoms being exacerbated by anxiety that's fucking me up. They refused, said "Oh, but anyone would find it difficult to function in your situation", and increased my Venlafaxine (Effexor) instead, although that fuckin plateaus any further than the dosage I already take. My primary doc knows this, but I have better luck catching Bigfoot than her at NHSL anymore so I keep having to tussle with the junior dipshits.

Granted I seem to have overshot a bit, because I spent a while vibrating into the fifth dimension. Felt like I'd had six cups of coffee and needed to do three things at once. Perhaps I should have attempted 40mg first. But 50mg very much did catapult me out of this neverending rut.

WEEKS OF BEING TRAPPED BY THE STATIC IN MY BRAIN LIKE A ROOMBA ON A RUG. I couldn't get out of bed, eat on time, shower, make my bed, do my laundry, go to bed. The simplest fucking tasks like pushing a boulder uphill with a stick. Sitting on the bed doomscrolling and tearing the soles of my feet into strips so bloody that it hurt to walk. I don't pick at my feet anymore! Didn't even realize I hadn't until the end of yesterday. This is the first time I've stopped in months. I stock up on band-aids and keep them next to my bed because I usually bleed in about three places within a day. And I pick the scabs off the still-healing wounds. All stopped by 20mg more of Strattera!!!

In other medication fuckery, I stopped the anti-inflammatory meds I was taking for my back because 1) the total cost of my meds was getting insane and 2) I haven't been in pain the last two months. I looked up whether there were side effects for long-term use of NSAIDs and found that using any of them with Venlafaxine increases the chance of gastrointestinal bleeding?? The way I've been having all this time?? Was my rheumatologist ever gonna tell me?? I'm just so used to flares, so fogged in my head and so relatively pain-free that I didn't especially note it. Turns out– the only reason I haven't been in pain is because I was taking the fucking anti-inflammatories. Imagine that! So I can either take Venlafaxine (which I cherish like a child regardless of the wrath-of-God withdrawal any time I miss a single dose) or I can take NSAIDs??

*googles anti-inflammatory meds other than NSAIDs*

Internet: "eat pineapple idk. have you tried tumeric?"

I hate my life.

[yourpalmickeymouse]

Howdy Mickey!

How'd you come across Donald and Goofy?

Y'know, your two best friends, I mean you have a lotta best friends but they're the best of the best!

Howdy hatred-n-hav0c,

You're definitely right that Donald and Goofy are my best of best friends. Whenever we're together, I feel like I'm part of an unstoppable team. I couldn't have asked for better pals.

I actually met Donald when I was a part of the Junior Woodchucks when I was much younger. There was a regional summer camp-off where Junior Woodchucks from all around Calisota would meet. They had us split into groups of two, as sort of a buddy system, and guess who I was paired up with... Not Donald. It was another kid actually. But he ended up getting sick and had to go home early. So I was then paired with the only kid without a buddy, Donald.

We initially didn't get along as we butted heads and pulled some pretty nasty pranks on each other. We were both kinda troublemakers 😈 if you could believe it ha ha. But when the Official Junior Woodchuck End of Camp Competition rolled up as well as some potential sightings of Bigfoot, we learned to put aside our differences and work together... We didn't win or even see Bigfoot. But I think we got something even more valuable 😉. After that, we found that we actually had a lot of similar interests, like cameras and fishing. And we've been friends ever since, writin' letters to each other or even visitin' each other's hometowns.

I know some people like to give Donald flak for his temper or his bad luck. But he's one of the bravest most hardworkin' people I know. I believe a lot of his rage comes from the fact that he cares so much and wants life to be fair not just for him, but for everyone.

As for Goofy, I actually met him a little bit later. Or at least I think I did. Goofy is a little bit older than us, so while we were teens, he was a young adult just startin' in life. He actually worked as a janitor at the high school and college I went to. To be honest, a lot of people saw Goofy as well... goofy and didn't give him the time of day. But that never really discouraged him as he was always confident in who he was and was friendly with everyone he met.

Unfortunately, I hate to admit I was kinda in that crowd who didn't really see much in him😓. What could I say, I was a teen just followin' the crowd. But one day I was down in the dumps at school and you wanna know who came to comfort me. It was Goofy. It was at that moment that I found how truly wise, kind, and dependable he was. He just knew exactly what to say and was even willin' to drop everything and help me out with the problem. After that, I started to treat him differently and we quickly became close friends. I even help him babysit Max when he came into the picture 😊.

Honestly Goofy is a friend I really need at times. Whenever an issue seems too complex to handle, he somehow can find the simplest solution where you wouldn't even think to look. He also has such a huge heart and is willin' to do anything to support anyone in need.

[blackbloodedisabel]

can we have lisa fun facts

HMM. fun fact lisa is the niece of alistair flagg from the library story that ya'll know nothing about. fun fact she dyes her own eyebrows. fun fact she's a geology nerd. fun fact she's almost fluent in german. fun fact she has weak knees and big feet (like her mother) and her dad calls her bigfoot junior. fun fact she goes through wellies faster than she goes through tampon boxes. fun fact she is a mosquito magnet.

[industrial-horror]

“How are people still falling for this?”

You’d expect reasonable adults to move past their beliefs in ridiculous things like bigfoot, flat Earth, and the AMPTP negotiating in good faith. But the easiest person to fool is yourself, and plenty of us have been taken in by our own ever so slightly twitchy muscles.

This Week's Moment of Science… Ouija Boards & The Ideomotor Effect

Centuries before Hasbro marketed it as a toy, spirit boards of all sorts were used to commune with the dead. The versions most of us have seen this century typically display all the letters of the Latin alphabet and the numbers 0-9 along with the words ‘yes,’ ‘no,’ and an irreverent little ‘goodbye’ to let you know the afterlife is fed up with your shit. The spirit-board-pointer-thingy is called a planchette, French for ‘little plank.’

There are a few rumors about how it came by the modern name ‘Ouija.’ It seems the most likely story is that the group looking to patent and sell the toy in the late 1800s decided to ask the board to breathe life into its name. With hands upon the planchette, it spelled out, “ouija.” Well they just had to know what that meant. Cheeky board that it was, Ouija answered “good luck.”

It was marketed as an Egyptian spirit board with a name meaning ‘good luck.’ Eventually, that story changed to it being a combination of the French and German words for “yes.”

The cool thing about asking a Ouija board which boy in school likes you? Those tricksy spirits from the next realm are gonna tell you it’s the boy you’re thinking of. Which might be the scientific explanation for how this mundane board at the center of so many junior high sleepovers got its name.

So the legend goes, the person who suggested compelling the board to talk was wearing a locket with a picture of someone named ‘Ouida’ in it. Accounts vary on if the name was written in the locket as Ouida, Ouija, or even written at all. But it calls into question the idea that the name was perfectly random when it was already on the mind and, curiously, the fingertips.

(Allegedly or whatever, because everyone’s got a story to sell and maybe it was the French and German thing).

So, the ideomotor effect.

Humans are giant fuck-up machines and even when we’re not scheming up some shit on purpose, our minds and bodies are getting into shenanigans without us. Somewhat literally meaning 'a motion from an idea,' we make these minuscule movements unconsciously. Even if it’s not on purpose, this kind of motion can be motivated by our thoughts, for better or worse. Tell yourself not to move all you want, but put that ‘little plank’ underneath your hands? The back of your mind may have secrets to spill.

Everyone at the table thinks they’re definitely the only one not moving it, and everyone is almost certainly moving it. Scientists and modern skeptics alike have gone to great lengths to show that this isn’t the work of ghosts or humans who play coy with their handiwork when the board comes to life; it’s just our minds doing the talking- er, spelling for us.

This effect on a Ouija board if someone is taking the results for what they are– a reflection of their own desires– is perfectly harmless entertainment. But if you have a tendency to get spooked into believing in these things and subsequently paying money to a psychic based on some bullshit a planchette spelled out on a toy made by the same company that produces Lite Brite, Jenga, and My Little fucking Pony? Maybe board game based communication with dearly departed Uncle Greg isn’t for you.

That said, there are other fields in which the ideomotor effect is employed that harm practically everyone involved. But we’ll talk about facilitated communication another day.

This has been your Moment of Science, just saying… I didn’t move it. No, I didn’t. I seriously didn’t you guys.

[princessamyrose87]

Sonic movie 2

Space jam a new legacy

Son of bigfoot movie

Disney Lab rats s1

The little vampire 2017

100_percent_wolf movie

Lego movie 2

Owen Wilson's secret headquarters

Luma animation's Headspace 2023 movie

Floogals s1

Dog with a blog s1

Silly seasons 2015

Transformers earthspark

Disney shake it up s2

Friendship between

Sonic, knuckles, tails, lola bunny, bugs bunny, porky pig, Wilbur the bear, Adam Harrison, trapper the raccoon, bree davenport, leo dooley, Rudolph sackville-bagg, tony Thompson, Anna sackville-bagg, freddy lupin and his friend batty, benny the astronaut, sweet mayhem, unikitty, Charlie Kincaid, Maya Monroe, flo floogal, boomer floogal junior, special officer Sophie, specialist tech gus, avery Jennings, chloe James, Stan the talking dog, snowflake, daisy, cam the chameleon, twitch malto, thrash malto, cece Jones, and flynn Jones are sister and brother

The characters in a crossover posters and lots of frames even a animation of them @brenni-murasaki I hope you see my post Brenni

[barclaysangel]

Junior after finding out about Chucky

Junior: This all seems so unreal. Like Bigfoot or those mythical black and white striped horses.

Jake: You mean zebras? Those are real.

Junior: Sure they are.

[kivaember]

man i love thinking of all the little inside jokes and rituals and the daily life of the jedi order that developed from padawanship duties or something. like before when i rambled about them having an internal newspaper that padawans are rotated onto to teach them how to objectively observe situations, etc, and anakin's turn transformed it into a "TEMPLE BIGFOOT IS REAL" cryptid magazine.

thinking some more of it... obstacle courses to help padawans and initiates connect to the Force to move fluidly through environments - and initially it was just some training exercise... but gradually it turned into this big thing, and now like, every quarterly you have the JEDI PARKOUR TRIALS and its separated into initiate, junior padawans, senior padawans, knights and masters, and the obstacle course is scaled accordingly.

everyone turns up for it - those away on missions always ask for someone to record it. something crazy always happens - especially in the knight and masters one. it's not just "finish first" it's "finish first as STYLISHLY AS POSSIBLE". they have even have reigning champions.

yoda's been the jedi master parkour champion for centuries and no one has toppled his reign yet. it's become the ambition of every jedi master to succeed him...

another idea is how padawans as well have to pass a "keeping a plant alive" trial. they get given a plant. they have to keep it alive. the plant is always something that has a specific level of care required, and it's to teach them to be mindful of how everyone has different needs and requirements. if the plant lives, it's then planted into the hall of a thousand fountains, and every padawan still remains a little attached to their plant, even after becoming knights or masters.

anakin would've been so protective over his plant for obvious reasons...

UGH i just like thinking of these things!!! does anyone else have cute little headcanons for the daily life of the jedi order? it's so much fun to think about...

[1moreoffkeyanthem]

my wife my life, i have ojv brainrot -- will you please go into crazy amount of detail about what the style boys look like to you in the ojv? what kind of outfits they like to wear? comfort sweaters/shirts? <3 also i love you i am waving $50s and shouting louder than everyone else to be noticed i'm the ride or die bi disaster ojc kenny of the irl

ASHFVGKKVHLJK MY DARLING WIFE HI AND FUCK YEAH!!!!! Helllll yes!!! Ok ok I’m bouta go *rm Jersey voice* AWF!! (This is gonna be so long im sorry)

So OrangeJuiceVerse style my BELOVEDS!!! Ohhhhh my god these two own my entire goddamn soul! And smh they’re so pretty in their own right!!!

OJV Stan… he is a fucking stereotypical DREAM MAN! Kyle is down astronomically bad. Like I’m talkin tall dark and handsome, total sweetheart, inherently boyish charm that just makes everyone adore him! His heart of gold and that deep melancholy he sometimes gets behind those sapphire eyes make him all the more alluring! So this is what our affable Everyman looks like to me:

He is TALL (hit his last growth spurt between sophomore and junior year), like tops off at a lil over 6’2 and is the second tallest of the ojverse Star Seven also he’s BUILT AS HELL?!? In high school his physique could be attributed to the myriad of physically demanding hobbies he cycled through (football in particular when he started dreaming of going pro rip to that) and work on Randy’s Fuckass Farm (fuck u randy). But when he’s older he gets softer, sure (best pillow ever) but keeps working out JUST so he can hold every animal ever like a BABY!!! If you want an approximate art reference of young adult OJV Stan, @bunytime ’s drawings on here for SURE! Like he is tall and strong and BUILT FOR HUGS!!!

Blue blue BLUE eyes like not scary stare into your soul but this soft deep shade that reminds you of calm waters and gemstones peeking from the depths of the shadows of his brows. Just gentle waves and clear dusk light.

Ojv Stan didn’t go through the ever popular bleached hair headcanon, most of my Stans didn’t, but this one bc on the brink of a SadSack episode he mentioned getting Kenny to pierce his ears and dye his hair and (this was before they were dating) Kyle was like NO!!! Bc he always loved Stan’s classic all american look and knows him well enough to know that he would’ve hated it a few days later.

DIMPLES!! TWO OF EM!! And his smile is SO sweet his whole face splits omg my sweet boy!!! And he has tiny, almost imperceptible random scars in various places from childhood tomfoolery, especially on his hands bc he sometimes rivals Kenny in recklessness, and those hands are so rough but so TENDER when they touch you and he’s so aware of his own size and inherent ruggedness that completely juxtaposes his personality and it’s so!!! (God forgive me I’m thinking about nsfw ojv style hcs now)

Aight so OJV Stan IS greasy to some extent, c’mon he’s very Boy, but (this is important) only when he’s having a rough time mentally. Like he’s one of those people where while his horrendous lack of style doesn’t change much, you can tell by the stubble and the gross hair when he’s not doing well. Uhhh later down the timeline he has a beard tho. The bear jokes definitely emerge.

And for his style choices ohhhhh my god this man CANNOT fuckin dress!!! I’m constantly putting ojverse Stan in my clothes bc WHAT is this guy doing wearing the “Bigfoot is real I made s’mores with him” shirt and he is GENUINELY confused when he can’t wear jeans to something formal. His socks are STUPID and GIMMICKY and never match, and his wallet has a million keychains HIS BACKPACK omg like every stereotypical veggie boy he has alll the vegan loser pins and patches. Animal activist Stan forever.

A very casual dresser tbh, t shirts and jeans, sweatpants, hoodies (that have mostly been confiscated by Kyle) like he truly sucks at clothes unless he’s going stupid abt a Halloween costume. He kinda relies on Ky to know what looks good on him irl, bc Kyle is VERY reactive when he’s dressed a certain way and Kyle climbing him= ah yes I look Not Disheveled right to jail for both of them.

Oh KYLE!!! From Stan’s pov??? OJV Stan is a huge fucking fantasy loser and he only knows the word “ethereal” bc he’s a nerd and it describes Kyle. On GOD OJV Kyle is so pretty!!! Like Stanley Down Bad Marsh is ENTHRALLED!!! Always, like since he knew what beauty was, beauty was Kyle.

Ojverse Kyle keeps his hair a little past his shoulders since like freshman year of high school, his HAIRRRRR lord those gorgeous red curls, Stan simply cannot get enough of them, that ponytail, the half bun, the little braids Marj used to do when she and Ky would hang solo… dear god Stan will not shut up about his beautiful elf kings hair. Like hair wise if u want a reference picture the homie @grimsbane ‘s long hair Kyle EXEPT

My guy, OJV Kyle is TINY. Not as short as Kenny and Tweek, but close and definitely skinny to the point where if he misses a meal EVERYONE is on his bony ass bc 1) diabetes and 2) they all know his past with eds and no one’s gonna let that shit get its claws on him again! Unfortunately, OJV Kyle has a really hard time gaining weight, but as an adult he’s fully recovered, just kinda slim and at risk of health problems from the damage he did, but he’s mostly ok.

Ky topped off at 5’7 and was the tallest of the m5 in 7th grade and then EVERYONE but Kenny surpassed him WHICH he was pissed abt for a while. But he kinda stopped caring once he and Stan got together bc Stan wasn’t thattt much taller at first (and then this mf got huge) but Kyle was… VERY INTO THAT! It’s so unserious bc when they’re older Kyle’s like dude just fuckin toss me around and Stan WILL NOT because he’s NERVOUS and also traumatized from the ONE time he reinjured Kyle’s bad knee during Super Best Spicy Time (yes that’s what his loser ass named the sex playlist) but when Ky gets in the mood he wants to be manhandled frfr (I will do a nsfw headcanon post prolly) like the SIZE DIFFERENCE kyle is so spicy 100% calls the shots out here climbin Staniel like a tree.

He’s pale as fuck, cannot tan at allll this dude will not go outside without sunscreen bc he IS Sheila’s son and had it drilled into him that they are pale redheads and uv rays are not their friend, BUT his freckles are faint and so prettttttyyyyy he doesn’t even hate them bc Stan loves them and Kyle loves Stan (losers) he’s got a little group of them on his left cheekbone that Stan INSISTS looks like a heart aaaaaaaaaa

Good lord those eyes. Like you look into them and you are LOST in the most beautiful woods you have ever SEEN!!! I’m serious his eyes look like a forest, green and threaded with occasional brown like tree trunks and they are MAGNETIC!!! He is POINTY too like his features are sharp but his eyes are comfortable and it’s just a beautiful balance.

I’m fully of the belief that this lil redhead is a CHRONIC CLOTHES STEALER!!! Sneaky lil fox like if he’s comfy at home he’s 100% wearing Stan’s lame ass “earth day 2013” hoodie or some shit BUT!!!

His actual clothing is VERY much hot professional dark academia vibes the sweaters, the reading glasses, that hair, like he’s so cute in his button ups and when he stops wearing cargo pants so much in college (man likes pockets change my mind) Stan is SALIVATING bc he can see the sbf’s lithe legs better and he wants to SNAG him smh down horrendous. Kyle wears a lotta green, bc we ginger losers know that’s our COLOR and he looks GORGEOUS in jewel tones what a PRETTY BOY!!! Favorite item of clothing is DEFINITELY Stan’s Peace Love Pine Trees hoodie!!!

They do have friendship (lovers) bracelets that Kenny made them btw

Ok I THINK that’s what I got for now on what they look like but lord knows I’ll probably be more insane later NINA MY BELOVED WIFE THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS

[zerogate]

The saddest people on Earth are junior faculty hoping to get tenure at a university, because they’re forbidden to smile in public, crack jokes, or make eye contact, and they absolutely can’t be seen as being even mildly interested in tabloid stories. It’s the kiss of death to put one’s twenty-plus years of education and training in jeopardy by being perceived as too sympathetic about controversial topics.

You may think I’m exaggerating, but I’m not. I once attended a small meeting with the head of an important funding organization, a prominent academic neuroscientist, a junior professor from an Ivy League university, and several others. We were discussing psi research. At one point the eminent neuroscientist suddenly realized that he had no idea what we were talking about, so he asked, “What is parapsychology?” Before I could respond, the junior professor brightened up and proclaimed, “Oh, it’s like the search for Bigfoot.”

I knew this fellow had attended lectures on psi research and had even conducted his own psi experiments, so he was well aware that what he had just said was ridiculous. But he said it anyway to let the famous neuroscientist know that he certainly wasn’t part of that silly crowd.

The upshot of the social taboo is that most academic scientists avoid parapsychology as though it’s a virulent strain of a zombie plague. If they’re secretly interested in psi—and many are—they first swear everyone to secrecy, and then they approach it slowly while wearing a full hazmat suit, with multiple alibis set up in advance to provide plausible deniability.

This is a pity, because parapsychology involves the application of orthodox scientific and scholarly methods to a class of commonly reported but as yet poorly understood human experiences. That’s all it is. The topics studied might give some people allergic fits, but the methods used are transparent and completely orthodox.

-- Dean Radin, Real Magic

[fakecmpire]

smoke tricks. eating leftover takeout directly out of the fridge. dancing around in your underpants. making up constellations. giving your clothes the sniff test. the alleged car. never accomplishing anything because you’re too scared to try. socks with holes in the toes. stealing every sweater you’ve ever been lent. art for art’s sake. lazy summer afternoons. a collage of posters and concert tickets. staying up all night talking. saturday morning cartoons. pizza with all the toppings.

statistics.

full name:  daniel dixon-daubney nickname(s):  3D, danny name meaning:  god is my judge age:  twenty-five date of birth:  june 29th star sign:  cancer place of birth: winona, minnesota current location: grimrose, new hampshire gender:  trans-male pronouns:  he/him sexual orientation:  pansexual religion:  agnostic occupation:  employee at the clearing family:  david dixon-daubney (father, nick offerman), shawna dixon-daubney (mother, katheryn hahn), older sister (tbd) education level: high school living arrangements:  a terrible apartment in edgewater oasis, which he shares with koda financial status:  uhhhh well it could be a lot worse, all things considered spoken languages:  english

inspirations.

shaggy rogers (scooby doo) pete “the plug” conlan (dimension 20: the unsleeping city) fred frederickson (big hero six) lip gallagher (shameless) todd chavez (bojack horseman) jason mendoza (the good place) jake peralta (brooklyn nine-nine)

biography.

Born in Minnesota, 3D and his family moved to Grimrose when he was five years old, just in time for him to start at a local kindergarten and get really integrated with the community.

The town had a reputation in certain circles, one that was of great interest to 3D’s parents, Shawna and David. The pair have been fascinated by cryptids and other supernatural phenomena their whole lives, and have dedicated a lot of time to the pursuit and study of said phenomena - they actually met in college, each on separate trips to Oregon hoping to catch sight of Bigfoot.

Shawna and David perhaps aren’t the sort of people you’d immediately associate with a place like The Clearing. They’re both bermuda-shorts-wearing, fanny-pack-owning, glasses-on-a-string-around-the-neck types, aggressively midwestern and unfailingly mild-mannered and kind. Still, they built their little haven from the ground up, and it’s become a must-see on the local tourist trail. 3D loves them and is proud of them, even though they’re extremely cringe.

3D has worked at The Clearing for most of his life, in the way children of a family business tend to do. It’s not as if he’s ever worked particularly hard, mind - he’s just part of the furniture, at this point, and doesn’t have much drive to change that. He did personally design some of the weird merch they sell, though.

His older sister is kind of a go-getter, and even though there’s love there, their opposite personalities sometimes cause tension. 3D has never really aspired to do anything, and has never even really left town - he’s got a lot of ideas, but no drive to see them through.

Mostly, 3D’s got a reputation for being kind of a burnout, and he’s decided he’s okay with that. If he was supposed to be doing something else with his life, surely there’d’ve been a sign by now?

other things. (drugs tw)

3D was daniel’s nickname before he transitioned - he had to pick himself a new first name beginning with ‘d’ to maintain his branding.

he really likes to paint, and has done a pretty bitchin’ mural on his bedroom wall (sorry to his landlord)

in theory, he has a car - in reality, he has a pile of scrap metal that vaguely resembles a car. it’s an old mustang that he bought with the half-baked idea of taking a road trip someday.

he's a pretty good bass player, but he could probably be a great bass player if he actually bothered to practice.

he’s been supplementing his income by selling weed since junior year of high school. somehow he still never has any money (it might be to do with the fact that he smokes as much as he sells).

he has the high score on the ms. pacman machine at the local arcade. initials ddd.

this is his favourite hat.

[unhingedwomandiaries]

Right. So today I went down an internet rabbit hole so deep it'd make Alice look like she was taking a casual stroll to the corner shop. There I was, decimating a quiche Lorraine with psychotic precision, doom-scrolling like it's my actual job description, David Kushner whimpering in the background like an abandoned puppy soundtrack to my unravelling.

Some absolute bonkers story about a woman getting six years for... well. WEIRD. Not "I spotted Bigfoot doing a TED talk" weird. More "what in the actual fuck were you thinking" weird. The kind of weird that makes you wonder if we're all just NPCs in some teenager's particularly sadistic version of The Sims.

Consent. Jesus.

Suddenly I'm remembering being 11, drowning in my Republican mom's performative activism. Green Party? Check. LGBTQ+ rights? Checkmate. Global warming? Christ, she'd save a polar bear before feeding me dinner. I was a closet Democrat in a sea of red, watching her play political Mother Teresa to every bleeding-heart cause known to humanity.

By 12, I knew more about reproductive biology than most gynecologists. Birth control since basically conception? Check. Sexually envious of my peers? Absolutely. Some magical pheromone lottery I'd spectacularly missed? You bet.

And then there was x.

The Voldemort of my middle school years. Guitar-playing psychopath who looked at me like I was something she'd scrape off her shoe. There I was, 12 and suicidal, blubbering on the school bus like I was auditioning for the world's most depressing emo music video. And x? Staring. That look. The kind of hatred usually reserved for war criminals and people who don't use their indicators.

"I hope with all my heart that you're successful in ending your life."

Not tough love. Not a moment of brutal honesty. Pure. Concentrated. Wish. For. My. Death.

Why? Because we both played guitar and this shithole town wasn't big enough for two pubescent Slash wannabes. "Mean Girls" meets "This Is Spinal Tap", directed by Ingmar Bergman on his most monumentally shit day.

The teachers knew. They. Absolutely. Knew.

Their response? A bureaucratic shrug. "Bullies are everywhere. Grow up." As if sociopathic death wishes were just another module between algebra and crushing teenage souls.

Now x is married. Two kids. Working in finance with a music PhD from some pretentious Ivy League hellscape. The universe's sick joke: the pint-sized psychopath who wished me dead? Killing. It. In. Life.

And somehow THIS bizarre journey is supposed to explain consent?

I don't know where this is going, but it's definitely not somewhere good. Maybe we're all just characters in some deranged simulation, waiting for the programmer to pull the plug on this existential shit show.

I wonder if x's kids know their mom once moonlighted as a junior league Angel of Death.

Probably not.

Typical.