#big looooong post again...

[sigelfire]

Diego Luna presenting "Chavez" at the UC Berkeley campus, 2014

All photos © UC Regents

x 

[anna1306]

The Gone Prince

Daemon Targaryen x brother!Targaryen Reader

I know it has been a long, long, looooong time. I am so sorry for keeping you waiting on that. I am going to return to writing, more or less. can't promise to return to posting every single day, as I did before, but I am going to return to writing and posting. It has been a long time of depressed time, disorganised time and simple no strength time. This part I wrote and rewrote two or three times and I hope you will like what I come up with in the end. Love you all)

Part 1 here

Princess' chambers were big and full of light. It reminded you of quarters of your grandmother, always warm and welcoming to her family. You were sitting there on the sofa, speaking with your niece for the last ten minutes or so. You didn't want anyone to eavesdrop on your conversation, so you approached her later, not during the feast. After that same feast Viserys insisted that Rhaenyra and her family stay in the Red Keep for at least a week or maybe even longer, not wishing for his pregnant daughter to endure two big travels in a row. Also... You had to wait for Daemon to leave her alone. He wouldn't let you talk calmly to each other, not after all these years, you just knew it.

"If the King asked for you, I am glad to have you here." Rhaenyra said, as you noticed hint of coldness in her eyes, probably brought by Daemon's opinion, which he, no doubt, generously shared with his wife. You only smiled in response. You could understand why she didn't trust you fully. And it definitely didn't hurt that much. At least not like it did with your brother.

"You sound just like her, it is crazy." You said quietly. She looked at you confusedly, not understanding your words fully. "Like Aemma." Her expression softened at your words, as her hand came to rest on her rounded belly. "I am sure she is proud of you, watching you from the other side."

"I can only hope so... She never mentioned you, now that I think of it." Princess said. You shrugged, trying to stay calm and nonchalant about it.

"Not many people here did." You tried to hide your feelings behind a smile, something you learned to do long time ago. "I remember her mostly from our childhood. How Viserys was madly in love with her. He often made a fool out of himself and was so scared she would reject him. And Aemma only laughed and smiled at him with so much kindness in her eyes... One time he tried to graciously ride in front of her on the horse to show her that he is a good rider. Poor animal got scared of something and sent him flying face flat on the ground. He was so red in the face, but didn't say a word, I thought he would burst with embarrassment." Rhaenyra laughed, imagining her father at the scene, as you watched her attentively with a little smile on your face.

"I can imagine how amusing that was." She agreed. You nodded, looking away from her, knowing that she was still watching you closely. "Did the King say why he called you back after all those years?"

"To help him. Viserys is... Full of many feelings and guilt is one of them. Guilt for a lot of things, which I am finding out only now. That is one of the reasons I wanted to speak with you." You looked back at her, meeting her gaze. "He wants me to mend the rift in his family." Her smile faded a bit, as she lowered her eyes on her belly. Rhaenyra understood perfectly well what were you talking about without you having to pronounce it. "I was told you were friends with the Queen Consort once, weren't you?"

"It was years ago. I feel like it was the other life." She answered with a sad smile. Rhaenyra looked at you again, her expression once again calm and stoic, almost rid of all emotions. "I once knew a girl, my friend, who was kind, honest, supportive and who looked at bright side of things, who was romantic and hopeful. Now Alicent is different, full of..."

"Spite?" You suggested. The woman nodded slowly, almost unsurely. You sighed, having a strong feeling your emotions about losing someone that close to oneself could be similar in some way. "Tell me, do you think there can be a slight possibility of you getting back to being friends? Or at least... Not at each other's throats?"

"I don't think so. There were many things between us, to lead me to Dragonstone and out of any possibility of mending this. You probably heard about what had happened in Driftmark. She... The Queen showed everyone her true colours. Her true thoughts and intentions behind this righteous facade."

"Lucerys severely wounded her son, I can understand her rage and wish for justice to some extent. Not 'eye for the eye', but still." You argued with her.

"Her son is spewing lies. Both of them. She placed traitorous lies in their minds, spreading rumours about me, about my sons! All of them are just..." She hissed suddenly, grasping her belly and closing her eyes, almost wincing in pain. You shot up from your place immediately, ready to go for help, but Rhaenyra stopped you with a motion of a hand. "I'm fine... Just... Daemon's child is really active." She smiled tiredly, as you clutched your goblet with wine in your hand, distracting yourself from your thoughts with a drink. "Nonetheless... I am not sure there is a way to get through to her." Princess said calmer now.

"If there was a way... A possibility of bringing back this peace, if not friendship. Would you be willing to put the bitter past to rest?" You asked, sitting back on the sofa. Rhaenyra didn't say anything for some time, your words hanging in the air. She diverted her attention from you, watching her maids serving breakfast on the table, long silence surrounding both of you.

"In ideal world... I guess I would want that." She admitted quietly. You smiled to her a bit, nursing wine in the goblet. "She was my friend once, the closest person in this Keep. But what she and her father did..."

"Yes, men like Otto, can influence even the dust to hate the wind." You scoffed, agreeing with her. After seeing what was going on in the Keep, you understood that one of the main roots of problems was the King's Hand. Yes, he helped the King to rule the realms, almost ruling them himself from time to time instead of sick Viserys, but he pursued his own goals first and foremost. You could understand ambitions, it was explainable, but your priorities in this matter were different.

"Alicent isn't innocent. She willingly ate those lies and now she is a spitting image of Otto..." Rhaenyra made a pause, sighing, as she looked at you. "Alicent has that thought that my children aren't... Trueborn. She spreads this rumours everywhere, you know it." You nodded, hearing these rumours already. You had your doubts about it too, but didn't care much, they were children of your niece, that was all you needed to know about their parentage. "Every time I gave birth, she demanded I present my child to her immediately after. She isn't such an innocent girl she claims to be." Your gaze hardened at the realisation. You put away your goblet and looked at Rhaenyra seriously.

"If she orders that you should present your child like this again, don't even move from the bed. I will be near and I will deal with it myself." You promised her. "She can come to you herself if she wishes to see the child so much. And if she doesn't understand why her request is wrong, I will explain it to her personally." You answered her with determination. Princess smiled at you slightly and moved to stand. You helped her up and stepped away from her. "I better give you some space. If I can do anything for you, tell me. And just... Think about possibility of it. Just try..."

"I probably will... Thank you. I appreciate the talk." She nodded, looking at her. While you could see that she still didn't trust you completely, at least you two talked calmly and discussed matters at hand. Just as you were about to leave, the door opened. Daemon walked in, and the air left your lungs at the sight of his figure lightened in the sunlight coming from the windows. His eyes met yours and what little softness he had, instantly turned to coldness and distaste in a second.

"You?" He only said in disgust.

"Me.” You nodded with a sigh. “I am leaving already. Have a good day." You smiled softly at your niece before heading out, not wishing for your brother to get angry at your presence near his wife. He could hate you from the distance, you thought. You could handle it… Even though you were too sober for his hate not to hurt.

***

"It was great!" Jacaerys was almost jumping in his steps excitedly, as he walked a little bit ahead of you. You smiled, taking off your gloves still hearing three loud growls of your dragonbehind you both.

"I am glad you like the ride. They liked you too, little prince." How could you say no to those eyes, when he asked if he could fly with you on your dragon. You understood him, as they were rarity, the first three-headed dragon known to Targaryen House, at least according to the known records.

"Is controlling him different? Different from ours, I mean." He turned to you with a curious look. You shrugged, contemplating your answer.

"You tell me, I only flew on them." His excitement about the new dragon was big. So of course he was curious as to whether or not it was similar to the flight on the one-headed dragon. Vermax wasn't big enough yet, but he flew with his mother already. And you flew on Vhagar with your father or on Caraxes with Daemon too long ago to remember it correctly, so you couldn't really draw the comparison.

"You sure they wouldn't drop me?" Daemon was hesitant, standing several steps behind you, as you petted one of the long necks of your dragon. You turned to him, raising your brow.

"Don't tell me you are afraid." You smirked at your brother teasingly, watching his expression hardening.

"I am never afraid. Not of the dragons, I am a dragon myself!" He exclaimed, earning growl from one of the heads in response. "I just don't know how it would be." Daemon said quieter, glancing between them and you. You smiled, offering him your hand.

"Nuhys zaldrīzes(my dragon), do not fret. You said it yourself, you are a dragon, as they are." He smirked more relaxed, giving you his hand. You pulled him closer, placing his palm near yours. "See?"

"I know what dragons are to the touch, dummy." He scoffed, petting your dragon. You glanced around, making sure noone was there to witness it and kissed him on the cheek. "Hey!"

"Let's go, I want to kiss you in the sky." You smiled at him, grabbing his hand and tugging him to the side of your dragon, to the saddle, hearing his chuckle, as he didn't struggle against your grip one bit.

"I will be next!" Baela’s voice distracted you from your memories. You looked at the excited girl with a little smile. She was eager to fly with you too, but let Jace go first. You nodded to her, knowing that your dragon didn't mind flying several times in a row.

"You sure?" She eagerly nodded at your question. You glanced at her sister, standing beside her, her expression more serious though. "And you, Rhaena?"

"No." She snapped back, almost aggressively. You were a bit taken aback, and even if you didn't want to press her into saying anything else, you still looked at her, contemplating your next words. She glanced at you, noticing your stare and seemingly understanding that she was rude. Under your attentive, but soft eyes she shifted on her spot unsurely and pursed her lips in a thin line. "You cursed us." Rhaena finally said quietly.

"Sorry, what? I cursed you?" You chuckled, not expecting this answer at all. You crouched on the ground to be even with her height and look in her eyes. "What makes you say that, ñuhys bykus embōñys dārilaros(my little sea princess)?" You asked her. She wasn't confident anymore, glancing at her sister, who remained silent, as you talked. You patiently waited.

"Father said you cursed us. Your dragon has three heads which you stole from other dragons. That's why I don't have a dragon." She answered finally, as your heart tingled with pain once again. Strange... And you thought this pain was constant and couldn’t be that prominent anymore. You scoffed in disbelief. Daemon said you cursed their family? His silver tongue and sarcastic side definitely grew over the years. He was more like your father than you thought. You sighed, lowering your head, gathering thoughts of what to say to her.

"Maybe I did. But only because I want to strengthen you. They hatched in my cradle. I never tried to tame anyone and work for success." You carefully said, looking at wary Rhaena again. "I never tried hard to find a dragon and bond with him, make him respect me and listen to me. But you are going to be stronger than me. Like your mother and father one day you are going to tame the strong, mighty dragon. You are going to be more powerful than me, the one who cursed you."

"You are only telling me this, so I won't be mad." She mumbled, but you could tell that she was more at ease with you now.

"Maybe yes. Maybe no. Who knows." You shrugged with a smile, standing up. You gave her your hand. "Come on. They can fit us three. Maybe one of them is the one I stole from you, and he would like you more than me." Rhaena hesitated, looking at you with her eyes, so familiar to you. You could almost see shy Daemon in his childhood… She took your hand nonetheless, still wary, but more trusting you now, as Baela took your other hand with a smile, herself, brave like Daemon. For some reason you felt in peace with yourself at this moment.

***

"You got your mother worried, you know?" You sighed, noticing the boy with an eyepatch sitting under the tree in the Godswood with barely any light around, night dark sky looming over the city already. Aemond looked up at you and turned away from you instantly. You sighed, walking closer to him. While you didn't trust his grandsire and mother fully, the children weren't at fault. They were your nephews and niece, no matter the other blood. "What are you doing here? It is dark already."

"And? I am not a little kid, I can defend myself." He snapped at you, glaring angrily with his one eye at something in the dark. You sat near him, not really caring for his discomfort in the matter. From what you had seen, he was just not used to physical affection, but you didn't reach out for him, you just... Were there.

"I know that. But running away from the castle just because your nephews are there, isn't very brave." You answered almost in a thoughtful voice. He grumbled something in return that you couldn't quite understand. You glanced at him with soft smile. "You can't hide forever."

"They weren't punished! That dick... Sorry." He mumbled, losing his fight after one swear word, apparently being scolded for it beforehand. You only shrugged at this.

"Lucerys did a bad thing. I guess you can say he was kind of a dick that day." Aemond scoffed at this, his shoulders relaxing a bit. "But he's just a child. Like you are. And he tried to protect his family."

"I was maimed!" Aemond exclaimed, tones of Alicent's intonation and voice coming through his childish one. "He cut out my eye, and they were entitled enough to not carry any punishment!"

"Let me tell you something, and I want you to listen to me and hear me out, alright?" You asked him, as Aemond nodded gloomily and almost hesitantly, still being very angry. "If you held a stone over my brother's head, threatening to hit him in the head with it, threatening to kill him, calling him names and telling him that he was going to die screaming, I wouldn't cut your eye out. I would cut your throat."

"That..."

"Would you not protect... Helaena? Or your mother?” You continued with your point. “If someone would have tried to hit them with a stone, insulting and threatening them. If you had a weapon, what would you have done?" You looked at him, as the boy lowered his head, seemingly contemplating your words. He wasn't presented with the other point of view, it seemed.

"I... I would kill those who dared to hurt my family." He sighed defeatedly. You smiled sympathetically

"Aemond, I am not glad that Lucerys went unpunished. He should have gotten at least some kind of retaliation for what he did. Like serving some other House for some time as a ward, or I don't know, limitation of his dragon’s lessons, this is a bad punishment enough for his age. But not carving his eye or killing him. That wouldn't return yours." You pretended you didn't notice Aemond moving closer to you. You just let him be comfortable and at peace with himself.

"But that would bring me satisfaction. That would be fair." He still mumbled. You sighed and smiled slightly, looking at your nephew.

"You would become a great warrior one day, Aemond. Yes, even with one eye, believe me. You have one of the greatest dragons, you have dragon blood and very fiery heart. But one thing that a warrior should know – is when and where to stop. Not becoming unhinged monster to scare little children. But to be a good fighter, a hero they will write songs about."

"Like your father? Prince Baelon The Brave?" You shivered and stopped at this question. Looking at a child beside you, you didn't see him. You almost fell into your memory, where violet eyes were enraged. Brave was the prince who exiled his own son, not accepting anything about him. Brave was the prince who threatened to kill innocent people who just helped his son in his attempts to reach out to his own family. Brave was the prince who called his own son a leech and a taint on their reputation.

"Yes. Like him." You forced a smile and a calm tone. Looking away, you tried to calm yourself. Your father was long gone, but your heart and fear of him showing up behind any corner, was very much present. Irrational and illogical, almost childish. But it still lived inside your soul. "What do you say, should we go inside?" You offered.

"They are still there." He scowled at the thought of going back to his nephews.

"Why don't you try and... Befriend them again? I know you were close with Lucerys before." You noticed, as Aemond scoffed and looked to the side, seemingly angry again in mere second.

"He maimed me. I don't want to be his friend!" He said sternly, but you heard more behind child’s anger.

"Do you miss him?" He looked at you angrily, but sighed, his eye more pained than enraged.

"No!" Boy exclaimed, looking away and almost pouting. He sighed heavily, lowering his head and mumbling under his nose. "He was closer to being my friend though. Even if he teased me for being dragonless, he wasn’t like Aegon or Jace. But he cut out my eye! I hate him!" He added louder. You sighed, taking his hand into yours, choosing your words carefully.

"I miss one person too, you know... A lot. I would give anything to return to that person. And I know they are missing me as well to some extent. But they hate me. It is a strange balance." You started. "I hated them too once. I did horrible things because of them. I lied in their name. I even killed some people in their name. I framed people, I broke laws and all just because of their wish. I made everything they wanted of me." You told the boy quietly, holding his hand, but looking into the darkness of the garden thoughtfully. "My life was destroyed because of them. I was gone because of them. I lost everything because of them." You chose your words carefully, remembering everything that was happening so long ago, it felt as another life altogether.

The commotion from the Throne Room was heard well even in the hallways. You carefully stepped to the door, watching at the events inside quietly and silently. The Lord before the Iron Throne pleaded his innocence, but your father, Prince Baelon appointed to lead this trial, wasn’t going to listen. You stepped aside, when guards were dragging the lord out of the Throne Room through the door you were standing at. When they walked out of the Throne Room, you looked at them.

“What is going on here?” You asked them, feigning innocence. Guards bowed their head slightly to you.

“This Lord was accused of stealing a dragon egg. Prince Baelon sentenced the thief to thelife on the Wall.” One of the guards said. You nodded looking at the panicking and horrified lord, who looked down, seemingly not noticing you.

“That is a fair sentence. That would teach him to keep his mouth shut and not jump over his head, trying to take what is not his.” You said coldly. Lord suddenly shivered and looked up at you, as if suddenly realizing something.

“You… It was you… Let me go!” Lord screamed, trying to get out of guards hands and get to you. You just stepped to the side, letting knights drag the screaming lord away. Familiar footsteps coming from behind, you met with a slight smile.

“Was it the Lord, who saw us and tried to…” Daemon started.

“To threaten you, yes.” You nodded and glanced at your brother. “He is going to the Wall. And don’t ask what I did. Because the answer is nothing.” You walked beside him, slightly touching his shoulder. It was hard to convince servants to place a dragon egg in his rooms, but in the end it was all worth it.

"Do you hate them, uncle?" Aemond asked curiously, looking at you. You glanced at him, almost flinching, as if remembering he was still there. You smiled slightly and put a hand on his hair, caressing his white hair.

"I do to some extent. But I would die for them in an instant. I would kill and do everything I had done for them all over again." You answered him with a sad smile. "I hate them, as they hate me. But I love them at the same time. And I would get destroyed and crushed again for that person. It is... A weird balance."

"Can you... Teach me how to find this... Hate and love?" Prince asked quietly. You nodded.

"Yes, but not here. And definitely not in one day. It's getting cold and you can get sick. You wouldn't want to fall sick and miss our flight tomorrow?" You winked at him, as Aemond nodded with a smile.

"Let's go! I want to hear about that person!" He stood up, waited for you to stand as well and only after that he went to the castle with fast pace. Even being close and quiet child, he was still a kid. You looked at his back, missing the fact that a dark shadow from behind the bushes watched and heard your talk.

***

The flames of candles danced around the dark room. Skull of Balerion brought back memories to you, both of pleasant times and not much. Your life had changed, everything changed. And the family you were supposed to change with, wasn't the one you remembered anymore. Yet you still sought out comfort in this place.

You sighed, turning away from the skull as you heard steps behind you. As you assumed, that was Daemon. Over the years his footsteps became quieter, but still he was too familiar for you not to recognize him. His look was wary, he was tensed up as his hand rested on the hilt of the dagger on his belt.

"You chose a good place for a murder, almost poetic." You noted. Daemon scoffed.

"Don't tempt me." You could argue with him that temptation was more of his job in many ways, but you chose to stay silent on the matter.

"If you don't wish to kill me, I am at a loss of why are you here." You said to him, being pretty honest.

"I wanted to talk to you." He said, stepping to you. You smiled, shaking your head and refusing to admit even to yourself how much this single step made your heart shiver.

"Talk to me? It isn't your usual way. I think you better prefer not to speak with me at all or kill me. Or at least avoid me." You admitted, turning to the skull and igniting the candles, just to get yourself busy with something. "What do you want?"

"Where does the lie end and the truth starts?" He asked in response. You hummed in surprise, definitely not expecting such a question first.

"Such deep thoughts. Why so suddenly?" You heard another step, but you only raised your eyes to look at the skull of mighty beast. You wouldn't dare to fight your own death after all this time if it came to this. You wouldn't dare to fight him ever.

"We are surrounded by half-truths, lies and intrigues. You can fully trust noone and nothing. Tell me, nuha lēkia(my elder brother), how much did you lie?" You glanced across the shoulder at your brother. He was serious, his eyes were fixated on you, but there was something deeper inside him. You shrugged, looking at the fire on the end of a splinter with which you lighted the candles.

"Like many people, nuhor valonqar(my younger brother). A lot." You answered, not understanding why he was talking with you like that. He couldn't possibly know the truth, could he? You didn't tell anyone and made sure to be careful about it. And your father was too… Careful to not leave any trace of what had happened that day.

"I know that. You lied that you love me." He accused you, making you glance at him. "You lied that you will never leave me. You lied that you will protect me." His jaw tensed, and you were sure that this would be the end. Him accusing you of everything and you just accepting it. He probably just wanted to accuse you and be done with it. Suddenly, Daemon raised his head, narrowing his eyes, but not taking them away from your figure. "But I'm not here to tell you about those lies. I want to hear another one."

"You want me... To lie to you?" You laughed quietly, looking at Daemon in surprise. He was silent for a moment, before nodding, strangely serious about it.

"Let's play a game. Lie to me.” He repeated firmer, his hard eyes not changing, as he glared at you. “What did you say to my daughters?" Daemon asked. You raised your brows, not understanding what he was doing.

"What?"

"Lie to me about the things you said to Rhaena." He repeated, stepping closer. You sighed, mirroring this step to the side, keeping the same distance between you two, pretending you were just igniting the candles. Daemon was playing some game of which you knew nothing and wanted you to participate in it as well. And yet you let him have this moment.

"Let's see... I told her about how I cursed our family and how I'm going to make sure that she would stay dragonless." You spoke slowly, unsure smile creeping on your face. At the very least you could have some kind of fun.

"What did you say to Rhaenyra, when I interrupted you that morning?" He insisted, his step echoing through the high arches of the ceiling again.

"That she needs to end Alicent and her children once and for all, no matter the consequences." You simply breathed out, not even turning to him.

"What did you do when Rhaenys was promised to Corlys?" You giggled, remembering what happened such a long time ago. Honestly you were surprised that he remembered that.

"Nothing, I stayed at the Red Keep, not going anywhere." You answered, once again lying, remembering how you sneaked upon their ship, to say goodbye to your favourite cousin of all. Baelon scolded you, when you were returned back to the Red Keep, and Daemon didn't let you go for a week, afraid you would disappear from him again.

"What were you talking about with Aemond?" Another step along with the words. You scoffed, igniting another candle, looking at the flames.

"How he should hate Lucerys and wish him nothing but death." The game was weirdly funny, it almost made you forgot about everything that was brewing between you. Lies flew from your tongue before you could even process it.

"Why did you leave for Braavos?"

"Because I wanted to." You blurted out a lie before realising it. For a moment you froze, slowly turning around. There you saw Daemon barely a step away from you. His eyes became tense, dark violet, as he watched your face after you repeated a lie known to everyone in this game, where you should have lied. "I hate you."

"I didn't ask you to lie about your feelings." He retorted coldly, stepping to you, as you stepped away, your throat dry all of a sudden. "Enough lies. What happened?"

"Nothing." You shook your head and sighed. You wanted him know the truth, yet you also knew that it didn't matter anymore. Not with his family, not after all those years. It would only complicate things. "Daemon, you better go. Just continue hating me, this would be… Right."

"I said, enough lies." He crossed what little distance you had between you, backing you to the candles. Daemon grabbed you by the clothes, watching closely your face. Your heart beat like mad at the mere presence of your brother near you. "What happened?"

"Daemon..."

"What had happened that morning you left? Tell me the truth!" He demanded, his eyes boring into your soul. "I won't let you go before you say. I deserve the truth after your betrayal, after your lies and all the harm and pain you caused me..."

"He saw us!" You exclaimed, having had enough. Your feelings were overwhelming you to the point of just not caring about the consequences. "Our father saw us. He saw you on your knees, saw me in your bed, he saw everything."

"What?" His grip on you lessened, his face frozen with shock and still that angry expression. Yet you made no move to free yourself from his grip.

"He saw us. He learned the truth. And he was so mad at me for... How did he say? Right... "Corrupting you". So enraged hat he just threw me out of the Keep." You blurted out in one breath.

"You lie. If he... He would have punished me as well. Why didn't he punish me, why didn't you write anything to explain anything?" His voice was raising as well, mirroring yours.

"You still don't understand? You were his favourite. Not Viserys even if he was the eldest. Not me even if I listened to him always. You. Mother loved you the most, father adored you. He couldn't comprehend that you could lay with a man willingly. If I was some common whore or even a sister of yours, he wouldn't have batted an eye, but I am a man. And I can't want you, as it's a sin. As I am corrupting and tainting you with mere thought of it, let alone a touch. Putting a disgrace on your name. It was easier for him to believe I made you do this. Easier to hate one son and threaten to kill every person that brought my letters to the Keep. Easier to send dead ravens and tell his own son that he would be burned alive if he even dared to show his face again at his home." You couldn't stop words pouring from your mouth, you were silent for far too long and that pain had never left.

"No..." Daemon shook his head, seemingly not wanting to listen to you anymore, but at this point you had little to no care about his wish.

"And I knew he would be furious if I admit that you were the one to come to me. It would have killed him. And if not... He would have destroyed your life as well. And I lied, yes, I lied, I took it upon myself. I destroyed my life for you. I destroyed my life because of you, Daemon!" You raised your voice at him. He looked enraged and shocked, almost feral in the light of candles.

"Shut up!" He pushed you harshly back. You stumbled to the skull, the impact making you fall onto some candles and hitting your head against an old bone in your fall. You cursed quietly, feeling something sticky on your face. For several moments you layed on the floor, not moving, fighting with the headache and shock. Slowly you sat, grunting, warm wax sliding from under your hands. Your lip was split, as you could feel, and according to some stickiness on your temple, there was at least a gash on your forehead.

You looked up at him, his face not cold anymore, but full of many different emotions. Anger, sadness, fear. You groaned, trying to move. Leaning onto the skull, you carefully stood up, giving yourself a second of rest.

"Y/N, listen, I..."

"You are the Rogue Prince, future King or Prince Consort, King of the Narrow Sea, previous commander of the Gold Cloaks, husband to the heir of the throne and father of her future children." You stated in resignated tone, glancing at his frozen form. "I am the Gone Prince, who spent most of his life in Braavos. I am noone and nothing, with no lands or wealth. I am a leech, who taints the house reputation just by thinking of you. I am father's disgrace." You tried to straighten your back, but sudden nausea hit you, and you bent over, leaning onto the skull once again. "And I am here to help Viserys. Don't dwell on the past, as it can't be returned." You forced yourself to smile and look at him. "Go back to hating me. It would be easier... For both of us." You breathed out, slowly walking away from the basement, Daemon not making a move to follow you.

***

The evening was busy. It seemed that every person in the Red Keep decided to visit you. Firstly, there were Rhaenyra, who was alerted that you asked for maesters. Next was Alicent, who decided to visit you, the atmosphere becoming tense between two women for a hot minute, but they kept their temporary peace. Next was the King. Viserys got really nervous about hearing the news of your wound. He demanded to know what happened and who did this. The answer was simple.

"I fell." You lied again, as the maester cleaned your wound and gave you advices on treatment. After all those people visited you, you were exhausted and confined to your chambers. Following maesters' orders, Viserys forbade you to go out at least for two days. You tried to tell him that it was just a scratch, and you just need a good sleep, but he was too worried. Too afraid to lose another family member, as it seemed. So you relented and just read through some of King's journals he gave you to better understand the situation in the court, occasionally writing something in your notes.

You heard the door opening and closing and some quiet steps. Sighing, you turned the page, not wanting to face the person who entered your room.

"I don't need anything, Jenny, you may go for the night." You said, not wishing to see anyone right now after all of the commotion and noise. Not after the conversation down at the skull...

"I must consider adding that name to the list of my titles." That wasn't your servant. You turned to look at the man, who entered your room. Daemon. Of course. Without his weapon, without his dark attire, in white simple shirt, almost looking like he was fresh out of bath. Boy, did it bring back memories.

"What are you doing here?" You asked, obviously confused. Daemon shrugged.

"Can't I visit my brother, who clumsily fell and hit his head?" He said, making you shake your head with a quiet sigh. "Y/N, we need to talk."

"We already talked. I don't have anything else to say to you, so you are wasting your time here." You turned back to the journal again. There was silence and for a second you thought Daemon would leave you alone. You should have known better. Suddenly there were haste steps, after which the journal was ripped from your hands. You looked up at him, his determined look pointed right back at you. "Dae..." He put a hand on your mouth, shutting you up and making you freeze at the sudden physical contact.

"No! You said you don't have anything to say, so I will be the one who does the talking." He stated sternly, looking in your eyes. You slapped away his hand, but said nothing in response. Daemon sighed, still standing in front of you. "If what you have told me is truth, I didn't know it. Let me finish!" He interrupted you, as you tried to say something. "All these years I blamed you for leaving me without a word. Without a letter or explanation. I... I thought you did something for me again, that was noticed and made you guilty. I thought father found out of what you did to protect me. Then I thought you found someone else, some young pretty boy who adored you more than I did. It was easier for me to hate you." He admitted, and your heart broke a bit at his words ad his expression. You wanted to forget about what had happened and just take him into your embrace and not let go of him. But you both were too far gone for that. And revelation of the truth did provoke this conversation, but it couldn't change everything else.

"It is still easier for both of us to stay away from each other." Daemon scoffed in response to those words, leaning on the table, looking down at you.

"You can't be serious, Y/N. I know the truth now, that it wasn't your wish to leave me. And you expect the hate from me?"

"What do you expect? Us going back to where we left things? You aren't ten and six anymore, Daemon. I am not ten and nine. You are a different person, that I know nothing about. Hell, you have a family and duties." You breathed out, trying to stay calm.

"But I don't have you. And I haven't had you all those years. I have changed, yes. You have changed as well, hell, maybe even more than I have. But the fact that I need my elder brother never changed, no matter how much I hated and despised this thought." Prince looked at you stubbornly. You shook your head, looking at the notes on your table, just not to look at him.

"We can't go back to what we had, Daemon. It is impossible. I can't be your lover. And I doubt I can be your friend after all these years. You are a different person, completely unknown to me."

"Then I don't see a problem with anything. We just start anew." He reached out to you, grabbing your chin, making you look at him, his eyes burning with fire and passion. You pursed your lips, trying to calm your heart that was beating out of your chest just from a single touch of his. You had to learn to control yourself near him all over again.

"What we had was a sin. We are brothers. Even if our blood doesn't stop us as our House has queer customs, we are men. It is viewed as a sin. I won't put your reputation under a hit. The ending will be the same, Daemon. Us parting ways. It was hurtful the first time, there is no need to return to that." You tried to sound convincing enough for both him and you, but his grip on your chin only tightened, as your words sparked him with anger.

"There is no sin in this. This is us. We are both dragons, our blood belong together. There is nothing more true in this world than us. And if it is a part of us, if it is the most real part of us, it can't be sin." Daemon said stubbornly, as you put your hand on his, gripping his wrist in attempt either to bring him back to his feelings or pull it away from you.

"It is. We are brothers and we can't do that. If I was a princess or you were one, everything could be different. But we are what we are and this is wrong.” You lowered your head, leaning back into the armchair. “Father might have been right. If the gods punished me and not helped me all this time, then I am a sinner and a leech."

"Where the fuck did you take all of this, you have never been religious!" Daemon spitted out, looking at you, as his brows furrowed. You just tried to push him away, with your words, with your actions, but he never budged, on the contrary becoming more and more persistent. "Or someone is telling you this? Who is this cunt that spread this nonsense to your head?" He demanded of you.

"Noone, Daemon. This is my thoughts." You breathed out, as the prince sat on your lap suddenly. He had become heavier with years for certain, trainings and battles made him stronger, and you couldn't help but feel the stomach-curling feeling of familiarity of his body against yours.

"You were never like this. You loved me. You loved my body. You didn't think of me as of something wrong." He stubbornly said, as you pressed yourself into the chair, trying to distance yourself from him, even if it wasn't physically possible. "And I know you still feel the same, I can see this in your eyes."

"You are not wrong. I am. I made you like this." You breathed out, putting hands on his shoulders, looking at his hard face. Your repeated your father's words just to get him to see the reason and step back. "Daemon, this is wrong. Please, I beg you, go back to your wife, to your family."

"You are my family. You are my blood. I want to be here with you now, not with them." Daemon stood his ground stubbornly. He didn't want to leave you apparently, but you couldn't have him risk it all again because of you, no matter how much you longed to hold him again in your embrace.

"I can't be the reason to hold you back. You loved them this morning more than anything. You hated me this morning. One conversation can't change that. You love Rhaenyra, you bled for her, you suffered for her, you long for her, you love her, not me and I can't..."

"All this time I was suffering for you. I wanted to forget you, believe me. I tried it all… Whores, wine, blood, killing, everything!" He cupped your face with his hands, looking intensely in your eyes. "I tried. Rhaenyra... She is good, she deserves love. And I love her. But she isn't you. It is different with you, and you know it. And if I had to choose, I would choose you every time."

Your heart clenched at the thought that he tried to forget you. His eyes were honest, and even after all those years away from him, you could always tell when he was telling the truth. He was sincere in his words at this moment. But you couldn't let him do that again. You didn't want pain for you, nor for him.

"Daemon, you are talking on emotions. You miss what we had once, but... Fuck, don't make this harder than it is." You pleaded with him, every reason to leave everything as it was fading in the face of his confidence and determination. You were losing this fight and couldn’t come up with any more reasons or words to convince him. To convince yourself.

"You are the one making it harder. Lēkia, you told me yourself once, we were born from one flame and blood. We were supposed to be together. I cried only for you, not one person saw my tears, because you are the only reason for them. I didn't mourn father, grandsire, Aemma, Laena, noone. I cried for noone but you. I need you in a way no word in Westerosi or Valyrian can describe. Now more than ever." He whispered, inching closer to your face, as something inside you was slowly breaking.

"Daemon..."

"Start with me anew. There is no reason for worry, I promise. All the time you stayed away, you protected me. You lied, you..." He scoffed, remembering your words he heard in the garden. "You destroyed your life for me. Let me now rebuild it."

"Daemon..." You touched his cheek, shuddering at the long forgotten feeling of his skin under your touch.

"Let me think for the both of us this time, Y/N." He squeezed your cheeks in his palms, looking in your eyes. "Let us sing dragon's song together again. Like we never stopped."

You breathed out, looking in his eyes. You saw anger, flames of indomitable passion dancing in his eyes, violet irises determined and fiery. He wouldn't step back. Even if he still felt some hate for you, even if he loved his family he had, you were something different for him. You were his centre, around which his world was turning. As he was your centre in return.

And you gravitated to your dragon, like always, leaning into him.

The Gone Prince Taglist: @wai-who @midnightprincess18 @fan-goddess @weird-addiction @rawinia @cannibalcoyote @cherry1a @darlinqvi @caelumwingstar @louventcavaliersx @parca0charos @azrealbanerstark @britany1997

[batsrambles]

just finished reading the raven boys, so while i wait for dream thieves to arrive at my door, here's the innacurate way my brain imagined the gang:

spoilers. if that's needed. plus warning, this is hella long

BLUE:

• sorry ok i could not imagine her with anything but blue hair. like a dark almost purply blue, the kind you could get away with by pretending it's black. i am 100% sure everyone and their mom imagined her with blue hair but shhhh my tumblr post my rules.

• big ol eyes. starin into your soul. idk why. felt right. my brain was like hmm magnet for energy = big ol starin eyes? window to soul? i think yes.

• back to the hair i could only imagine it like. spiky. like goth girl's first time cutting her own bangs. or like the animal crossing bed head hair when you don't log in for a couple of days and pop back up. half way through i reminded myself she has at least a tiny ponytail and can't have hair THAT short but oh well

• the clothes i kept imagining her with flopped from scene to like cottagecore but bright ass colours. so not cottagecore at all but like. the dresses skirts cardigans all that. but bright. honestly she's fashion goals in my head

• also unrelated but she'd def choose rosalina in any game she's an option. queen

GANSEY:

• play that funky muuusic whiiite boouuuyyy. except that mf has been like around the world in 80 days and does nawt stop running around after the ley lines so he is definitely not paper pale unlike someone

• i knowww he doesn't have glasses on for the majority of the book but i could NOT imagine him without them at all. like it was a shock any time it was mentioned he did have them on my brain had to buffer like "did he not. always have. them.??.????". the round metal frame kind, with nose pads, and rose-gold in colour

• brown eyes feel right for him. sad ol deer baby eyes

• also i kept. reading his lines. in an australian accent? i read a lot in public & i live in australia so thats probably why. i mixed it in with irish sometimes and i think that's because halfway through a page i'd start reading in my own voice in my head rather than making character voices. idk what was happening in my head

• i imagine he walked into a store once, looked at the shelves with all the polo shirts, took one of every colour, hasn't grown since so hasn't needed any other clothes, and has one specific colour for every day of the week + special occassions. also like seven pairs of the exact same shorts and wears his school shoes everywhere

ADAM:

• green eyes. but the browny kind. green-brown. hazel? idk. yk what i mean

• i also imagine he's Had the baby's first home-haircut thing goin on, then it grew out because imagine having time to go get a haircut with all he's got going on. he's the guy that's always holding his own fringe back with a hand to fucking see. he's definitely been forced to tie it up like a unicorn horn more than once. also don't think the back is safe. it's not long enough for an actual ponytail but it's thick enough for another unicorn horn

• freckles. drops mic. walks away. idc. he's the kinda guy to be freckly everywhere. won't elaborate. i don't think this is an uncommon opinion like blue and her blue hair

• also a mole like on his jaw. idk why. sitting here tryna imagine the characters n that's what i see so.

• also also i know his hair is "dusty" but my brain interpreted that as dirty blond when i think it's blond blond so oops

• also also also braces. idk why. he's a dork

• i read his lines in like a vaguely texan accent. Vaguely. idk why again. it's not like he's ever said anything to warrant that. i think i did a british accent at the start too 😭 sorry adam you didn't deserve that

can you tell i really like adam parrish

NOAH:

• looooong hair. worse than i imagined adam. like noah's is straight as fuck too. i also imagined he hunches just a lil bit, so his hair would be like half covering his face

• and i knowwww it's hella innacurate but fsr my brain saw him with pitch-black hair.

• so yes as you can tell i was imagining that one girl out of the tv yk the one whenever noah just appeared out of thin air. which was before i found out he was dead dead and not depressed-mentally-dead dead, so you can imagine the face i pulled like "oh fuck i was kidding when i imagined him ghostly"

• and after that point he got like rlly prominent cheekbones in my brain, like skeletal

• i also actually imagined him as rlly tall. idk why. it just felt right. like an ominous shadow in the distance

• also also how could he not have like THE 2000s emo fringe. HOW COULD HE NOT

• also also also tooth gap idk why feels right felt right will always be in my head

my favourite little freak. fav character. was so distraught when they found his license

RONAN:

• i am incapable of tanning like at all i just get sun burnt or more freckly so i can only imagine ronan as the same

• also i could only imagine him as lanky as fuck for 90% of the book. i know he's nooooot i just. i couldn't imagine anything but tall and lanky. it was only after the chapter with adam's dad that i gave in and stopped imagining him with twig arms

• like adam, i also imagined him with freckles but like, not everywhere like adam, just in very specific spots. he's got more moles than he does freckles. so i wouldn't really describe it as freckly the way i imagined adam freckly. confused? good.

• also my brain associated him with a dark purple. idk why again. it just. it feels right.

• i feeeel like he'd have too many piercings but can't get away with half of them because damn private schools

• fuzzy head. like a kiwi. icr if he's meant to be skin tight shaved but my brain went to kiwi straight away regardless

• i just stuck to my own accent for him once i figured out he was irish. which if you must know,,, is a sometimes subtle and sometimes really unsubtle kildare accent. i doubt it's right but it works in my head

can you imagine the shock i felt shaving my head two or three days before my book came in the mail and found out ronan lynch exists. and he's irish too. bro. like mind blown. ok. i see. we are one ig maybe. idk let me read more books and report back.

i am aware there is the graphic novel (!!!) designs and stuff so i'm. waaaaaaaaay off but. let me have this i'm autistic abt these freaks

[suzukiblu]

Ko-fi thank-you sentences for @this-was-a-terrible-idea behind the cut; mirrorverse!Clark and Kon's daddy issues both get some. Full disclosure, I was trying to wrap up the fic with these sentences so I stopped counting and took a looooong time getting them done, and then I realized I had gone WELL over and there was notably more fic left to write than I'd previously realized, so yeah, haha, never mind that, apparently, I'm just posting what I was supposed to and I'll have to finish it later. I TRIED, I SWEAR. ( chrono || non-chrono )

“You mean it?” Kon asks, trying not to hate himself for it. 

“Of course I do,” Superman says, then kisses down his neck again; pets up the line of his hip again. Kon kind of wants to cry some more, but honestly doesn’t think he could if he tried. “You did so well for me. You were everything I could’ve asked for and more.” 

Never mind. Kon apparently can cry some more. 

“Thank you,” he chokes, lifting a hand to help him hide his face even as he turns it towards the mattress. Superman keeps petting him. Keeps kissing him, little scattered presses of his mouth dropped here and there against Kon’s skin. 

And keeps talking, too. 

“Oh, you’ve thanked me plenty, Kon-El,” he hums contentedly into the corner of his jaw, tracing the “S” on the shoulder of the jacket that Kon’s somehow managed not to lose, and all Kon wants is to give him everything he wants. He’s not stupid enough to do that, obviously, in the sense of if Superman asked him to kill or betray somebody for him he wouldn’t, but he is stupid enough to be in this bed with layered bruises shaped like the other's hands and mouth. Kon doesn’t bruise often, for obvious reasons. Even when someone can hit him hard enough to affect his Kryptonian biology, there’s still the TTK to get through. 

The only thing his TTK’s done since this Superman first touched him is fucking collapse, though. 

Superman traces the El crest again. Kon is very, very aware that the actual reason he never lost his jacket through the whole process of getting his brains fucked out and very literally breaking the bed is because Superman wanted him to wear that crest through that whole process. 

Wants him wearing it even now. 

Kon wants to cry about that too, and maybe does a little. Superman presses a kiss in behind his ear and slides a hand down over his stomach. Or–under it, a little more like. 

Kon’s stomach is flat, obviously. The six-pack version of “flat”, but flat. 

Superman’s hand is positioned like he’s cradling it, though. Positioned like . . . 

"You'll take care of your daddy's baby, won't you, sweetheart?” Superman murmurs, pressing another kiss to the back of Kon’s neck as he splays his big broad hand across his stomach. “Raise them to be good like you? Proud to wear my crest?” 

"Y-yes, Daddy,” Kon stutters, digging his fingers into the mattress as something painful stabs him straight through the heart. 

"That's my boy,” Superman praises with obvious satisfaction, and tugs his face to turn so he can kiss him again as he slides a hand down to hook his fingers inside his cunt. Kon whimpers into his mouth, and feels Superman smile against his own. 

It’s a long time before Superman’s done with him, again. Kon gets fucked, and kissed, and then Superman takes him to the little adjoining bathroom and fucks him again in the shower, and then he . . . then he cleans him up, to the point he even washes his fucking hair for him. Kon feels like a thing, feels like a whore, feels weak and defenseless and like–like–

Superman kisses him again as he presses their bodies back together and coaxes him into both riding his fingers and fucking his fist, into begging for more despite how sore and exhausted he is, and Kon doesn't know how he feels at all. 

He comes for it, though. 

And he kisses him back, obviously. 

Kon almost cries again when Superman dries his hair for him after they’re done. 

“Such a treasure,” Superman murmurs admiringly as he sweeps Kon's hair back off his face, sounding exactly like Clark does when he talks to Jon, and Kon does, in fact, cry a little more. Just a couple more tears, but . . . 

Superman kisses those tears off his face with a soothing hum, and Kon shudders. 

“Daddy,” he rasps hoarsely, his voice still a little too tight, and Superman kisses him again. Kisses him slow and sweet and tender, and holds him like he's something worth holding on to. Something . . . precious. 

Kon fucking hates himself. 

His TTK field still won't come back up, and he doesn't know if any part of him has even tried to compartmentalize any of this. Not even a little bit. 

Superman strokes his fingers down his stomach, lingering and possessive, and Kon shudders again. 

[babyjakes]

safe smiles. [blurb.]

〈 disclaimer: this blog posts content not suitable for individuals under the age of 18. minors are strictly prohibited from viewing, sharing, or interacting with this blog. for more information on this blog's commitment to protecting minors, read our full statement here. 〉

event | august '23 general requests blurb night

summary | your daddy helps you face your fear of dentists.

pairing | soft!dentist!daddy!steve rogers x little!reader

warnings | sfw regression. reader is afraid of dentists. soooo much comfort from daddy!steve (who is a dentist hehe <3). depictions of dental/medical setting and procedures.

word count | 453

requested by @super-soldier-sandwich | This is my formal request for a dentist!daddy blurb!

an | this has been a looooong time coming sweet friend, thankyou for sending in your request and hope you enjoy the sweetest softest safest daddy!stevie!!! (i think i might make a longer dentist comfort fic at some point, maybe with a reader who has a more severe phobia, but for right now i thought this would be a good little introduction to the idea hehe <333

"Deep breaths, sweetheart. You're doing so well for me. Daddy's just getting everything set up, okay?" You try to blink back your tears as you watch your daddy preparing the little tray of tools next to his stool. "Look baby, nothing scary," Steve tries to reassure you, letting you get a good look at each of the instruments.

"Pokey, Daddy," you whimper, pointing to one of the sharper-looking tools.

Steve nods sympathetically as he picks it up, explaining to you, "I know it looks a little sharp, doll, but I promise it won't hurt. Daddy will just use it to scrape gently against one of your teeth to make sure it's nice and healthy. Remember how Daddy told you that teeth are kind of like bones? Your teeth are super strong, so you won't even feel the pokey part."

Steve pulls on a pair of gloves before pausing, giving you a comforting smile. "Are you ready, sweetheart?" he asks softly. "Can I tilt the chair back so we can get started?"

You try not to whimper as the strange mechanical chair moves beneath you. Your daddy helps you fit your head into its place, bringing the adjustable light down a bit to shine over your face. "Keep taking big breaths for me, princess. Daddy's so proud of you; you're being so brave," Steve praises as he sees your nerves heightening again.

"The first part is easy; we're just gonna brush your teeth, okay little one?" he explains as he prepares the small electric polisher with some toothpaste. "The brush is gonna make a funny noise, but that's just because it's working hard to clean better. Can you open wide for me, baby?" Steve prompts gently.

You look at the brush with big eyes, feeling more tears well up as you try not to shrink away from the dentist sitting beside you. "Oh sweetie," he frowns, setting down the instrument as he senses you're not quite ready. "It's okay, we can take our time. Daddy's right here," he promises, reaching over to hold your hand soothingly as he lets you calm down. "Daddy's not gonna make you do anything until you're ready, okay honey? Just breathe, you're okay. You're safe."

Though the thought of your daddy performing a dental check-up on you is frightening, you know he's being truthful. He would never force you to do anything before you were ready and willing, which is comforting to know as you do your best to face your fears. "Good, there you go, doll. See?" Steve smiles as he sees your fears settling again. "You're doing so good, y/n. Are you ready to start? Just stop Daddy at any time if you need to, okay?"

[jessaerys]

your fav mello/near fics??? thank yeww (also love your drawings!)

oohh this reminds me i should pick up my ff.net archival reclist project up again...

it is of note that it's been a looooong while since i've combed the archives and there's a couple of common tropes i don't usually read due to personal taste, so i'm sure there's a lot of good fic i'm unaware of and/or forgetting about! this has totally renewed my interest in making a comprehensive personal reclist >:) perhaps i'll come back and edit this post every now and then.

i owe comments to nearly everyone mentioned here i am SO sorry. it's a lost skill that i am working on developing again. at the very least i've got everyone in one place so i can go down the list this year. i encourage everyone reading from this reclist to leave a comment too!

i wrote "off the top of my head" but this got VERY long so under the readmore it goes

obligatory classics

• the famous @tierfal 's sidetracked (2010) and full of surprises (2009). rated e and m respectively. these are like the allegorical little black dress in the wardrobe of the platonic ideal of the mellonear oneshot. seem to be pretty well known across the ship fandom • stripped (2009) by blueberryash/@tka-trashfire on tumblr. explicit. i haven't read this in a while but i remember it capturing the delicate gossamer tension of the ship in a way that was sooo bittersweet and nostalgic. • to speak of rules and privilege (2008) also by blueberryash/@tka-trashfire, gen, a manifesto on tenderness, soooooooooo soft, changed the game, near being afraid of thunderstorms was immediately adopted into personal canon. big time influence for the way i write near and mello's pre-canon relationship re: big brother, little brother. • an understanding (2008) by blueberryash/@tka-trashfire, rated T, short and sweet, razor sharp prose, the aesthetics of the little piece live rent free in my head. • dual(2011) by ramasi, @ramasi here i believe. rated m. historians say this might be one of the first examples of mellonear choking kink ever recorded,

•scarification (2012) by gacrux11 on fanfiction.net, rated m, big time dead dove do not eat. sorry this one leans early 2010s era grimdark melodrama but i love it sjkdfkjfd. not enough dead dove fics about the boys if u ask me. • salt in the wound (2007) •tempus fugit (2007), and • white out (2006) by vaudevillain king on fanfiction. net. a beloved rare find. all of them are rather grimdark edgy products of their era, but some of the best the era had to offer. they make me so nostalgic for my teenagehood on fanfiction.net. i get the impression these might've been written even before death note was finished? • birthday smut (2009) by kleine_aster on livejournal. explicit. this one is SO funny to me because it is both really, really good, very in character, but unfortunately it suffers from almost satirical misogyny that afflicted fujoshis back in the day. near literally is like oh that bitch... like. he would not fucking think that but i can edit quickly in my brain as i read. bisexual mello rights! otherwise really sexy imo. i might be writing something that's kind of in conversation with this fic.

RARE finds

(please tell me if you enjoy any of these, i want to feel like an explorer that's brought back treasures from far away lands)

contemporary favorites:

• you've heard about it before and you will hear about it again: the archer ensnared (2023) by jabbernatty, rated e. a jessaerys obligatory syllabus read, the fic that made me go fulltime yaoi disease. i owe so much to jabbernatty they are my white whale my friend my enemy the writer i've psychically imprinted on from the beginning. honestly too scared to even leave a comment given the jessarys archer ensnared lore. may one day may contact and pray i don't come across as insane • postmortem (2023) by the_hemlock true gen, a favorite of ALL time. it's only tangentially mn really, it is 99% about near trying to piece together the mystery of lawlight post-canon, but the characterization and prose are some of if not the best i've ever come across. reads like it could be a piece of canon material. if you only read one fic on this list i'd pick postmortem. • it's friday i'm in love by neallo/@neallo rated m. possibly my all time fave in the neallo cinematic universe. something about the after-hours longing and the standing in the kitchen by the refrigerator lights, as the poets say. i love when stories feel like you're cutting out a window to peer into a larger universe that is just out of reach. perfectly captures what it is like to have a maddening crush • i want to hold you (hostage)(2023) by neallo/@neallo rated e. thee defining fic of this current modern mellonear era. manages to walk the line of kinky/sexy/sweet/fluffy all at once. plot twist of the century in the last chapter. near is properly as bananas insane as mello is in this fic, which is the marker of a good mellonear dynamic. really everything by morgan neallo is a safe bet for a great read • there's nothing i want but you (2023) by neallo/@neallo rated t. wammy's era mellonear obsessiveness that is soooo teenagery and yet a portent of just how codependent they might one day get. cute and ominous. • armageddon/kill game (2024) by bolide/@bolide-archive came out of nowhere a couple of months ago and ascended to the top of the game like a dark horse. rated m, chess au. one of my favorite interior mello narrations and one of the most similar to my own interpretation. such naturally talented prose. i rotate lines from this in my head all the time. still in progress but i have faith that it will be completed :') • how to burn down the sacred loom (2023) by dornishviper/@vriskarlmarx a contemporary CLASSIC. the less you know going in the better. beautiful prose, beautiful structure. they don't make fic like this anymore • the house always wins (2023) by mer_curia/@vivi-scera. screaming with my mouth closed. holds a special place in my heart given that it is my posting that convinced vi to give the ship a try, and i was rewarded with a fic that is so catered to my tastes i honestly had to read it through my fingers. SO good, the manifesto on wammyscest, so rather controversial. heed the warnings. • moonlight (2023) by tsukinousagi/@quicktimeeventfull rated t. an austere, cold little glimpse into a vampire au. it's giving let the right one in. so melancholic. one of the saddest near examinations out there. •proximity tells (2018) by abysmallypresent, rated m. truly lives up to death note's second-by-second minutia while managing to keep up the tension the entire time. great characterization. •silhouettes (2015) by bad blood/eroticcodependence, @wxmmyshouse on tumblr. unrated, post-canon compliant. made me CRY! elegantly short and simple, bittersweet and so so wistful. •arsonist's lullabye (2023) by tzviaariella/@tzviaariella. rated t. this one has a heart-wrenching air of realism to it that exists outside the chaotic universe of death note, one of those examinations of picking up the pieces after the titans have all gone away. very bittersweet.

honorary mentions

• let's die somewhere prettier (2020) by firesafinething also one of my absolute favorites, unfortunately it is discontinued and it is likely it will never be completed. sad! the premise seemed SO promising. in my mind i file it right next to postmortem mentioned above. the exploration of the tragedy of 27 year old near we could have had in a better timeline. one day i will leave a comment so good maybe it will bring back the fic from the land of the dead • august underground by me & @firebuggg rated e, in progress. >:) (shamless self promo)

[directivexero]

don't give up on fighting games, fighting games won't give up on you

I wanted to make a follow up post to my big spiel from the other night, because tonight really put things into perspective for me. strap in everyone, this is a long one

I played in the PRIDEFGC Strive bracket today, and I got absolutely rinsed. but it didn't feel bad, I lost and it didn't feel bad for the first time in a *looooong* time. In fact, I felt incredible about how i played today. round 2 in losers was against another Sol, and i lost because they were very patient and taking advantage of space and whiff punishing me for everything. but also, my pressure on offense was really good and I managed to take a round off of them! and round 1 was special, and something so important to me and to fighting games as a whole

my round 1 was a bit of a mess, online brackets are never perfect. start.gg in particular is a real stickler for checking in on time and DQ'ing people bc they didnt get an email or a discord notification immediately. it happens, and it gets worse the bigger the bracket, and it was a massive bracket. something like 2 40ish player pools? that's huge for an online *charity* event, its bigger than some locals.

I was really upset about this at first. i was feeling myself today. taking yesterday off to just vibe, eat a decent bento box from my local japanese restaurant and play a bunch of DBD was a really good break for me. and i woke up this morning, nearly forgetting that i had signed up. i was signed up for a bracket last night, my online local Dust Up, but i had been timed out from the server for being a real shithead to myself and generally being unhappy with fighting games, because i had mentally tied my self worth to them without realizing it. but today was different.

I got some work done, got my stream schedule up for the week, played some more DBD (with friends this time) and just enjoyed a nice day. and then I got the email for the bracket and was like "oh shit right, i should probably show up for that". so i booted up Strive and hopped into training mode to warm up. and you know what? that combo that i had been struggling with? the one that took me almost 200 times to get right just the once? i got it on my first try, with the Clean Hit Tyrant Rave even! and while i couldnt replicate the clean hit again, i got the combo 20 more times in a row without a single drop

and this was a real shock to me. i didnt play at all yesterday, and i felt like i wasnt getting anywhere with the game. i was considering even swapping characters again to see if there was something that i was missing, to see if there was some fun i could have somewhere else. but in the end, i dont think i need it anymore. what I really needed, and what everyone was telling me and what i refused to hear, was that i just needed to give myself some room to breathe. taking a *single* day off made me more consistent with this combo, it just gave it time to rest and settle into my brain and hands. it's all i needed, and it was right in front of me the entire time. i just couldnt get it through my head

after this revelation, and was FUCKING *STOKED* to get into bracket. I saw who my first opponent was, Hazel. i recognized the name, they had taken second in the Granblue bracket last night. they were so exciting to watch, i was rooting for them the whole time! how could i not? they were playing my wife Narmaya, i wanted them to win so badly. and after an INCREDIBLE grand finals, they ended up in second. i was a little sad to see them not make it all the way, but I was so thrilled to see such good gameplay last night, and I knew I was gonna get some good games from them today

so we got the whole bracket situated, i messaged her on discord to make sure we were still able to play, got it sorted with a TO and met up in the park. they pulled up with a level 800 Bedman? and i was so excited. it was, a strange feeling, being in bracket, seeing a player i knew was a monster pull up with a character 700 levels above mine, and to be *this* ecstatic to be squaring up. and I have no idea how to play against the bed. nobody plays this guy. and i went in expecting to get rinsed. which i did! but it wasn't actually all that bad on the surface. I managed to block the overhead jump-in for the first time *ever* tonight, and I did it 5 more times over the course of the set. i still got blown up for not blocking the slow overhead and bedman's lows are deceptively far-reaching, and i just wasn't sure how to adapt to those. but that's okay! i did some very good things today, and my pressure was clean enough to take a round off of this very high level player. im so proud of what ive done, and im happy that ive finally escaped the fog that was clouding my mind for so long

and after bracket, i got up, refilled my drink, and hopped into the tower. i was *hungry* for more games. and I got smoked by a Slayer. just absolutely rinsed. but! i caught on to their tricks pretty early, and started to 6S more often than i ever had, and got a lot of counterhits! slowly getting a feel for that matchup, even reading how they follow up after Dandy step and punishing it accordingly. i also got a ping in BAN from RKP, one of the TOs there, looking for games. i responded almost immediately, i wanted to scrap more. they asked for a ft5 at first, but wanted to know if i wanted a ft10. i declined, because i could tell that i was reaching my limit. another step towards progress!

he met me in the park, asking to take player 2 bc he wanted to work on player 2 side inputs. we both pulled up looking to work on stuff, as i wanted to try to implement some of the whiff punishing i was just subjected to by that Sol player. and I got rinsed *again*. but! I landed my corner combo!!! (almost, dropped the HVV at the end, but its still progress) and I also did the correct follow-up after the counter-hit meaty Fafnir setup for the first time! i was so happy, RKP is so fucking good at this game and an incredibly nice person as well. grappler players play like sickos, but they're so sweet in reality.

and this is what its all about. i love fighting games so much. no other community, no other hobby, no other sport will you get camaraderie like this. you won't get this anywhere else. the passion, the love, the friendships. you won't get it anywhere else. everyone's gonna have their bad days, their bad weeks, sometimes even their bad months. but if you just take a breath, take a few steps back, make sure you've taken care of yourself, it will all be okay.

don't give up on fighting games, because no matter what, they won't give up on you

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

Finally finished the outline of Daughter of the Rain and Snow and I know exactly how the ending is going down almost pretty much (details are blurry, but plot and character arcs are completely outlined and ready to write instead of just bullet points or vague ideas) so out of interest (won’t necessarily stick to it 100% but would still like to know) what would anyone like to see next if you would like to continue reading my stuff?

Explanations below cut

Sequel

I have every intention to write this one, I have characters but thus far not a main plot more of just the premise. Would follow Ahra, Evan, Yara, maybe Vix, and maybe Lilia as our young Dregs and start around when Kaz and Inej left for Ravka since the Dregs was kinda on the verge of collapse whoops. Can’t go into too much detail or they’ll be spoilers for the current fic but there’d be the opportunity for some Aimee and Kiada, and Kanej would still be present but they might not be in focus (again, can’t explain too much or they’ll be spoilers). There might even be some Fiona or some Maya stuff who knows

I really want to write this bc I really want to write Ahra’s story so it’ll probably end up coming around at some point but I realise it might not be the most interesting to y’all when it’s mostly ocs so yeah

Feliks had been more than lenient with Ahra. He’d been the only person who ever gave her a real job - playing her violin in the reception of the White Rose - and when things had predictably gone haywire he’d been good enough to only turn her away, not Evan too. Ahra hadn’t much cared for the job, she loved her violin but she did not enjoy watching the Rose’s clients come and go and she certainly hadn’t cared for having her skin paled and her hair Tailored white for such purposes, but it was easy money and enough to keep them ticking over as all of Evan’s funds petered away on overpriced little medicine bottles. She studied the thin stack of kruge in her hand, thinking of Kaz standing opposite her in the alley by the Slat.

“I don’t need your charity, Brekker,”

“And far be it from me to offer you any,”

Not charity, but she didn’t doubt Dirtyhands had his own purposes in paying her for a job she failed to finish. Still, cash was cash. And medicine was medicine. She tucked it back into her breast pocket and tapped it lightly, slipping round the corner and pulling a bone light from her jacket.

What Evan didn’t know couldn’t hurt him.

Helnik

This was an idea I had a looooong time ago and I shared a little snippet scene on here, but then I started writing Daughter of the Rain and Snow and never looked back. I really want to write this one I think it could be pretty cool, it would be relatively short set in between Crooked Kingdom and King of Scars and take place in Ravka; based on a headcanon I have about Nina learning how to use her new power and as a result of it experiencing hallucinations of Matthias being with her that she is fully convinced are real. Following Nina, Zoya, and Genya as they try to navigate this and worry that they shouldn’t let Nina got to Fjerda in this state.

“What time is it?” she mumbled into the cushions.

“A little after seven bells,”

“Saints, how disgusting,”

Nina sighed, in a mixture of content and tiredness. The luxury of the Little Palace was a mostly welcome change from crawling in next to Matthias in the tomb at Black Veil - or even of the hotel room at the Geldrenner. They’d shared a sofa, so close to each other; limbs entangled, chest against her back so she could feel his heart beating. A steady rhythm, no matter what he was feeling. The big bed here was more comfortable, but the closeness felt like an aching absence, as though the few feet between them spanned for miles. She reached out behind her and found something soft that she decided was his arm.

“Come closer,” she whispered, and she imagined the way he’d smile.

He would press her fingers to his lips and she would roll over to face him. She’d reach out and touch his cheek, and he would catch her hands in his.

“Witch,”

“Barbarian,”

“Little Red Bird,” he would say, just before his lips met hers

The sunlight would be warm and soft on their skin as they moved closer, as she felt his heart beating beneath her fingers.

But he hadn’t moved. He hadn’t come closer, or kissed her fingers, or brushed his lips against hers. He had not gently pushed her hand down towards his wrist so their fingers could intertwine.

“Matthias?”

Nina made the mistake of rolling over, and began to scream.

Wesper

There’s a line in Crooked Kingdom where Jesper says if Van Eck really couldn’t cope with Wylan not being able to read he could have told people he was blind, the point being that still would’ve been wrong but that everything he’d resorted to was unnecessary and Wylan shouldn’t feel like it was his fault. So this would be an au where Van Eck did exactly that and Wesper attend Ketterdam university together; Wylan grapples with his father being the worst and falling for Jesper as he fears telling him the truth, Jesper grapples with addiction and wanting to stay at university partly for the sake of falling for Wylan.

Jesper leaned in, pushing one of Wylan’s curls back off his face.

“It’s pity you can’t see how beautiful your eyes are,”

Wylan blushed, letting Jesper run his hand over his cheek and tilt his face up towards his own. Jesper leaned forward but then Wylan squirmed, just slightly, and Jesper tensed as he pulled his hand away.

“And me, of course,” he added, letting his voice take on a teasing lilt to brush past the moment, “It’s a shame you don’t know how gorgeous I am,”

Wylan almost smiled, but he had stepped away.

“I- erm,” he brushed his fingers through the lock of hair Jesper had moved and cleared his throat, “Excuse me,”

And then he was gone.

[quiet-nocturne]

some updates:

- I finished my big bang fic at like 9pm last night. I'm pretty happy with it, but it's also crazy long, so I had to rush some of the editing at the end. After it's posted on Oct. 3rd I may go back and re-edit it at some point, but not for a looooong time because I've literally looked at that thing for nine straight months lmao. �� that fic was literally my magnum opus.

me, before I started writing: *calculates the minimum word count of each chapter, worried I won't be able to reach 100k, excessively plans out all the outlines for each chapter*

me, now:

like... it's a monstrosity. 💀 I wrote ~400 pages in nine months. what the actual fuck. super crazy, but it's doneeee! ✨️😌

- I started a new job today (very conveniently, the day after the due date of the big bang). It's actually related to my degree, full time, and I get to SIT all day - it's amazing (and it's better pay than my previous, shitty retail job). The people there are really nice and I'm really excited, and I feel like stuff is clicking into place now, kind of??? Writing overcome honestly got me through a pretty shitty time in my life, and it's weird that I submitted it the day before I started the new job. spooky. anyway.

- I was really busy in July, and then August was me writing/editing like a mad woman, so I wasn't on here much. However, I'm going to start promoting my big bang fic for October 3rd, and thus posting snippets for wip wednesdays again (especially now that I have a more normally work schedule and will actually know when wednesday is! 🎉)

- really excited to write other stuff now that my other massive fic is done! I definitely have some new stuff cooking in my brain that I'll start working on soon. 🍳

[7thingsnbeings]

Full Moon episode - takes and feelings

Hello everyone.

Last post I announced that I will be making a post about Helluva Boss' new episode 'Full Moon' where I'll state my own feelings, takes and probably add some of my own theories as to what comes next afterwards. And of course that I will be spoiling the WHOLE thing. So for those who haven't seen an episode, please go watch it before reading this whole text.

CW: Spoilers ahead

... and a very looooong text

First things first, HOLY SHIT! WASN'T THAT THE BIGGEST TRIP OF EVERYTHING I HAVE SEEN AND FELT IN JUST ONE ENTIRE EPISODE?! I mean, it wasn't extremely bad as I had thought it would be, but it still left me speechless and shocked throughout some of the scenes which I'll get to later. And the ending, oh boy I can't wait to get to that.

I haven't honestly expected for Stolitz duet to come so soon in the first few minutes. I mean I was already aware of it, but still. It was great though, and kind of funny, especially Blitz's lines and the transition where they kind of censor (but also not) the...intimacy that they usually do once a month. Not to mention how both of them are kind of nervous during the duet. Dammit, they're nervous wrecks made for each other XD.

Then we have the unexpected guests of the party. Agents D.H.O.R.K.S. and CHERUBS. I have not expected them to appear this early in the show. I mean, I have heard a theory on Twitter that the CHERUBS would appear, managing to steal the grimoire and such. I honestly thought they would show up in 'Mastermind', which makes me wonder...whats going to happen there now that those characters have already appeared? Would they appear again? Next time, actually managing to open a big enough portal to Hell, creating further conflicts in the future?

CHERUBS were interesting to me. The way they redeem mortals at the beginning, spread 'goodness' but also pickpocketing them unnoticed. And the way they differentiate, especially Keenie and Cletus, who had definitely gone south when they had gotten banished from Heaven, while Collin possibly remained the same, still hanging onto his morals, questioning his peers' actions. Based on the interrogation scene, I believe that he'll be the only one to return to Heaven, while the others will likely die or serve their punishment in Hell.

I jumped when Cletus mentioned they were the 'Exorcists' sent from above, because it made me think of the Exterminators from Hazbin Hotel, since both of these shows are from the same Universe. He probably meant something else, but I digress.

And then there are the agents D.H.O.R.K.S. I knew these guys would show up later on, especially since the ending of 'Truth Seekers'. They managed to catch the main cast on video, which would explain why they got such a massive upgrade with their weaponry. The Pope army, the portal to Hell and robotic suits which if you look closely, look close similar to IMP gang, along with Loona furry costume XD. I bet Agent 1 is a furry...

Before I close a part of this ep's main villains, I just wanna point out how innocent CHERUBS are when they spend their time following Blitz in the Lust ring. They think Blitz is buying some kind of weapons to kill mortals on Earth, when in actuality he was just buying some sex stuff for tonight XD. And when they assume Ozzie's is the armoury for demons to go to. Well I mean it could be, but for something else...

It's worth mentioning the rest of the IMP gang. It's good to hear Loona's VA again, I kind of missed it. Along with M&M whom we haven't seen for two episodes.

It was also surprising, but in my take out of nowhere, for them to have a 'deus ex machina' moment with Cherubs in order to protect Blitz. I'm probably looking at this wrongly, since they live in Hell (the place you as a mortal DO NOT want to visit) and safety to them is number 1 priority, especially when Blitz had grimoire with him at that moment. The destroyed buildings and street in Lust might come to awareness to the higher ups, but probably not as much as the ones in 'Mastermind' as I theorised before.

Before I get into big meat of the plater, I cannot forgot to mention the cashiers. Like, WHAT are they supposed to be??? Are they hellborn hybrids, the Goetia, Sinners or something else? Either way, they look cool.

Also Fizz. Not much about him, I like his new outfit and how he helps Blitz with the stuff. Now, I BET that he uses that giant vibrator with Ozzie. Boys like it rough sometimes, don't they?

Finally, the moment we'll all been waiting for. The night of the full moon.

I knew that their last transaction would end painfully. And yet, it was by far the hardest to watch. Blitz's yell was marvellously done and it truly beat to the core. And so did Stolas' last line.

'You folks think you can do this EVERY time that you can just play with our feelings because we're smaller and not as important!!'

'Blitz, I think so highly of you, I didn't realise you think so low of me.'

Words cannot express how I felt when I heard those lines. It's easy to say that I was shocked, mind blown, sad, but honestly it would feel cheap as a result.

I mean...

It's obvious FROM A FAR that the only thing standing in the way between them is lack of communication and misunderstandings. There is NO ONE who can convince me that these two FUCK EACH OTHER for the sake of PLEASURE AND GOD FORSAKEN TRANSACTION.

They LOVE EACH OTHER!

But Blitz is too scared to get hurt again, it ACTUALLY happened to him and Stolas now believes that Blitz doesn't LOVE him, let alone never cared for his feelings!

I may be exaggerating, however this is how I see it now.

Based on the scenes from trailer, I believe Blitz and Stolas would begin their relationship on bad terms after FM, then Stolas would stand up for Blitz in 'Apology Tour' where seems Verosica is hosting 'Blitz Sucks' concert and Blitz, covered in stained fabric all heartbroken, looks up at Stolas and realises his true feelings for him.

That's just a theory, we'll see what an 'Apology Tour' has for us this June.

Ooof, I wrote so much here. Might be my longest post I have ever written. I probably went into whole summary of the ep I didn't focus enough on takes, critical thinking etc. I nearly have none, because I enjoyed FM at most, so I have no prejudice whatsoever. I'm also tired of writing as you can see.

So in conclusion, 'Full Moon' was worth the wait. The outcome might have been predictable, but it still hurt. It did surprise us with few things, and for now, we can only contemplate as to what's to come next for Helluva Boss story.

Thank you for reading my long ass post.

And also thanks to Vivzie and Spindle Horse crew for FINALLY giving us 'Full Moon'.

I, as always, am sending kudos and look forward for their newer work in future. <3

[vintagelacerosette]

Art Tag 🖼🎨💕

I was tagged by these talented magnificent artist thanksss 💕

Molly @deathclassic Julissa @heymrspatel Deanna @deedala Ice @spookygingerr Ling @lingy910y

Have you always been interested in creating art? Yes, I was that kid in high school doodling anime girls throughout class lol

What's your favourite medium to use? I really like digital for the infinite undo button with my perfectionist ass lmao & I'm using Clip Studio. Paper art has been quite therapeutic for me too

Do you create outside of fandom? Yes

Share something you haven't finished and/or never got around to posting

I made a tribute to our Gallacrafts zine, but at the time, the mods had changed, so I was gonna create a companion piece. I didn't get around to it & then the mods had changed again 😅

Some OG crafting overlords Rhys @smokey-mickey Leah @whatwouldmickeydo Donna @sleepyfacetoughguy

I also have gallacrafts I haven't completed for really old themes, but I do still wanna post lol

Favourite piece you've made? Toss up between my gallacrafts Pride 2 piece (see piece that has most notes question) or my 2024 gallavich valentines/my icon

Draw your icon in a minute or less

You get the gist lmao

An underrated piece you've made in your opinion

A little bit to thus This collection of missing posters with the mixed media.

Do you do art in a professional setting? No, but I wanted to. I studied Visual Arts with a major in screen arts in university tho. Uni wasn't what I wanted my plan was to do animation, but, plans fell through

A piece you don't like but did really well on social media

This. The portions are wack basic background, Ian's face feels off & I rushed this

Post an old piece and compare it to your most recent, what are the similarites?

Wow pretty good that I get to compare these two lol. Still got the star motif & the way I'm drawing bodies is has improved yay! Look at that looooong squiggly pointing arm

Have you ever collaborated with another artist/s? Yes, with the lovely & super talented Ling @lingy910y I couldn't have as for a better first time collab partner 🫶🏼 Would love to collab more 🥰

What piece has the most notes? Are you surprised?

This one has the most notes for hand drawn art & the other is my most notes for art/crafts in general. I'm pretty proud these are top dogs & pleasantly surprised with the Deleted scenes one 😄

Who/What is your favourite subject matter? Our boys but also when I'm acrylic painting I'm loving painting clouds & sunset/sunrise skies hues

Show us something not from fandom you've made

I've been experimenting with acrylic paints after getting inspired by a sparkling water painting I saw on tumblr & here are some cute cows I drew for Leah

Where do you like to create? There's a table in the lounge room that's very spacious, has good light & a cart with a stash of my art supplies. But I wanna migrate back to my room bc I got a new big desk there to keep my mess away lol

Do you have a tag that you use to group your creations? Tell us so people can follow it. It's under Myn's art

Give yourself a shoutout, where can we commission/buy/follow you for more pieces? I don't sell my art or do commissions, but I kinda have some drawings I do love & toy with the idea of making postcards or have it on a mug

I'll tag sensational & inspiring artist if they wanna play 💖

@suzy-queued @tsuga-of-mars @samantitheos @burninface @darthvaders-wife @psychicskulldamage @michellemisfit @sgtmickeyslaughter @mickittotheman @y0itsbri @friend-bear @matt404b @takeyourpillsbitchh @michellemisfit @mikhailoisbaby @mikcrymilkovich

[blu-ish]

IS THAT YOUR AMAZING DIGITAL CIRCUS SONA??? THATS SO CRINGE/j

LOOONG POST 💀 Lore below!!

Fen is based on one of my favorite childhood toys I got at a carnival, it was a fox plushy with a looooong tail for some reason lol. I would bring it to school with me for "story time" and wrap myself in its tail shjshsj.

Her tail is limp, so it just kinda drags behind her when she walks lmao. Uno is actually one of my irl hens, I wanted Fen to look like a farmer, (Since I live on a farm irl) so the idea of her carrying around a NPC Hen was born.

I wear glasses irl, I tend to misplace them when Im switching glasses to contacts some days, so my mom always jokes that I "lost my eyes". So when Fen "loses her eyes" SHE RLLY DOES...

Fens bag is like a mini pocket dimension, she keeps almost everything and anything in there. (like Mary Poppins lmao)

Fens zipper is on her stomach underneath her overalls, first thing she tried to do when she was inspecting her new body was to unzip it, she practically deflated hsjhsjs, (everyone helped her gather her stuffing lol) she's careful NOT to do that again.

Uno was a "joke" gift from Caine, who within noticing she looked like a farmer?? Gave her a chicken, and she kept it. She actually really likes the hen, so Caine named her FEN for Fox + Hen. (very creative I knoeeee) Uno is named Uno for obvious reasons, being the only chicken in the circus.

She cant open her mouth, all she has is a straw of wheat sticking out, its unremovable and moves when she speaks, she just got used to it after a while. The tag on her ear is just an empty price tag, why? Idk lol.

Shes basically chill with everyone tbh, Fen doesnt like to bother anyone so she sometimes hangs outside the tent. She was very distant when she first arrived, but warmed up to everyone eventually and is actually very sociable with the people shes comfortable with. (just like me lmaooo/oh wait she is me xd)

She loves arts and crafts, she has millions of sketch books/scrap books in her messy room. Which she claims is an "organized mess."

She has a mild purely platonic crush on Ragatha lmao. She admires her optimism and responsible nature, and her hugs are the BEST.

Jax makes her laugh and she enjoys his company, as long as he doesnt REALLY hurt anyone with his "humor", while she's watching anyways. Fen gets really worried about other peoples wellbeing and will go out of her way to help them feel better (whether caused by Jax or not lmao), she ends up just ignoring Jax afterwards for a few days, confusing him big time lmao.

Fen thinks Kinger is silly, and helps him build his pillow forts. She likes Gangle and loves to share her interests with them both, she could talk with them for hours.

She likes to hang out and chat with Zooble as well. Fen thinks their design is neat and will sit and draw next to them in comfortable silence.

As for Pomni, well... shes still trying to win her over. But she likes her outfit and will offer if Pomni wants to sit next to her and relax on her tail, they dont have to have a conversation if Pomni just wants to sit and think hsjshsj. Uno doesnt really like anyone but Ragatha tbh.

As for how Fen even got trapped in the digital circus, well... Im still not sure how the VR headsets work or how they are going to work within the digital circus universe or lore, who made them, why, ect.

Buuuut for the sake of it, lol. I'm not even joking when I say me and my fam just bought my brother a new VR headset a few weeks ago, and I put it on to "act like I was playing a game" to surprise him when he walked into his room. So...

Welcome to the Digital Circus Fen! :)

[pttucker]

Aaaand we're done! \o/

Well... "done" in one sense of the word since I just did a very quick search and apparently there's like another 140 chapters of side stories and counting. Possibly post-epilogue stuff??? Didn't look too closely since I don't want too many spoilers if I can avoid it. I already saw one vague spoiler relating to 49% Dokja's side story. 😢😢😢

Though at least now with the main novel+epilogues finished all of the mysteries have been wrapped up (as far as I can remember).

I guess I'm still curious about the Library, but even if that's never touched upon in any side story chapters, I think I kinda get it with my theories and how he broke up into many, many different Dokjas and/or was two different Oldest Dreams?

Oh, and the stuff with Dokja & 1863's Sooyoung's blurry faces, I would have liked to have seen that resolved. There were mentions of Dokja slowly getting less blurry that were kinda glossed over but nothing concrete ever popped up for why his face was blurry or if/when it fully stopped being blurry? Unless I just missed some subtle thing?? Like I guess the epilogue did mention that Sooyoung had fun writing in stuff about him being the Ugly King but I don't think she made him ugly, that was just her memories of him?? Either way, poor Dokja. 😭

idk maybe I'm the only one obsessed with things like that. (I literally eventually started a separate section in my ORV Scrivener notes just for all the times Dokja's looks are mentioned in any way.) So maybe it just wasn't deemed important to "resolve"? Or, again, it was but I totally missed it.

Or maybe there's still something about the Library and his looks (and other mysteries I may not be currently remembering) in the additional 140+ chapters out there?

Unfortunately, English translations of Chapters 552+ don't all seem to be in one place, or at least I wasn't able to quickly find them in my first search. I'll keep looking, though. Might just have to cobble together the chapters one by one from various sources. If anyone happens to know where I could possibly find them...

Though I'm honestly not certain if I want to immediately jump into them or if I want to give it a moment to breathe. I actually am a little bit disappointed that I jumped right into the 40+ chapter epilogues right after finishing the main story since I feel like it stole some of the impact from him finding his two separate ■■.

Even if I was really happy to see how they continued living on in the system-less world and how Dokja felt after losing all of his companions to be Oldest Dream. Seriously you never get to see those sort of things after the "happy" ending.

And I did love seeing how it all tied back together with Sooyoung being the author and ORV itself being Dokja's story (which Sooyoung also wrote!) which in turn is our story and getting to see Secretive Plotter and the 999ths again and poor Joonghyuk just not knowing what to do with himself after losing his purpose as a protagonist and him and Sooyoung wanting to save their precious Dokja more than anything and both of them coming to understand Dokja better and so on and so forth.

But if nothing else, I do really want to finally read some fanfiction and otherwise engage with fandom now that the big mysteries are solved. And if I can make one final prediction it's going to be that the top fanfic is some kind of modern, no powers gamer AU or something. Because that's just how these fandoms seem to go. 😂

Anyway, I think it should be obvious from my many, many ORV posts but I really enjoyed the novel! I am very happy that so many things were so well foreshadowed, so much was so carefully planned, so many loose ends were tied up in a very satisfying manner, etc. It's very impressive for such a long, looooong story. I mean, just the fact that you could get inklings that something was up with Secretive Plotter before we even hit Chapter 100 yet not have the reveal come until much later is impressive just on its own.

I guess if I had one complaint it'd be that I didn't quite vibe with the whole "multiple walls to open the Final Wall" thing. Like, I totally was into the idea of Dokja's Fourth Wall being the largest fragment, and I actually thought that Jang Hayoung's wall was pretty clever since it's all about commenting/texting others when Jan Hayoung was created due to Dokja's comments.

But I'm not quite so into the Wall of Samsara and Wall That Divides Good and Evil. Like, I do get how they relate to the story, what with Dokja literally reincarnating into multiple worlds himself and the fact that a lot of Dokja's main theme was that he didn't nicely fit into a box of good or evil. I mean, his literal Modifiers are Demon King of Salvation and Watcher of Light and Darkness. Not to mention, Dokja went through a ton of the novel saying that just because they were evil in one turn doesn't mean they're evil in the next and vice versa, as well as the fact that the had companions on both sides of the spectrum.

So I'm not saying that they just came out of nowhere, but personally I find something to be a little off with them when compared to the other two walls? idk these are just my initial thoughts and I might feel completely different once I re-read the novel and can better appreciate things.

Which, speaking of, I'm debating with myself if I want to do the truly ridiculous thing and start this entire novel over right from the beginning in true Dokja fashion or if I want to be good and maybe give some other universe some love. I was looking at The World After The Fall but...uh...

Not to say that things with tiny fandoms aren't also good!!!

But it does make me kinda side-eye it a little and wonder if I shouldn't just read Solo Leveling...

...or read whatever side stories I can find, aaaaaalllllll the fanfic, and then read ORV all over again. 😂

We'll see.

FYI when I do start reacting to the side stories I think I'll use the tag "orv side story" if anyone wants to block it preemptively to avoid spoilers.

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

https://www.tumblr.com/caramel-ribbons/720001793861533696/i-just-watched-avatar-for-the-first-time-all-the?source=share

what do you think of this post? i found it kind of.. weird, in the way it talked about her relationship with team avatar compared to her relationship with zuko

It started out okay, turned into a train-wreck REAL fast.

I can understand being annoyed at how people will make fun of something like Katara bringing up her mom a lot, especially if these people don't do that for any other character when they ALL bring up their traumas a lot, but the way it quickly escalated into "Actually, Katara was right in telling her brother he didn't love their mom like she did" was honestly one of the most disgusting things I've read by anyone in this fandom - which is saying a lot.

Also, once again the complete bullshit claims of "The Gaang and Aang in particular never try to be there for Katara, emotionally, like she was for them."

Considering this person mentioned disliking videos that frame the entire show as just Katara being a bitch towards poor, friendzoned nice guy Aang, I would not be surprised if they let this dumb edits drastically affect how they see completely innocent Kataang moments as being something they weren't OR that they had already read Zutara "metas" (aka wildly out of character fanfic) and formed their opinion on these dynamics looooong before they actually watched the show.

People really gotta stop focusing on what the FANDOM does when they are talking about how CHARACTERS behave towards each other. Yes, some fans are sexist and hate Katara for the "crime" of being a female character - that does not mean the Gaang forced her into the role of being their mom/caretaker/therapist.

Sokka is CONSTANTLY trying to be useful the group. Toph learned to open up and clearly enjoyed spending time with Katara, even if it was to do things she did not want to do at first (you TRY dragging Toph to a spa and have people touch her feet after she explicitly said that was the one thing they were not allowed to do. See how fast you get crushed by a rock).

And Aang - oh my God, AANG. That boy was all about trying to make Katara happy from day one. They played together, he offered to go with her to the Northern Water Tribe so she could become a pro-waterbender, would always apologize to her whenever he did something wrong, explicitly told her she gave him hope (mirroring how she had hope the Avatar would save the world), was in complete awe after she literally brought him back to life, fucking blew up a factory with her, and tried to stop her from making a big mistake and sacrificing what was left of her innocence by killing a (admitedly AWFUL) man - yes, Zutarians, NOT letting your friend do something they'll regret IS being a good friend and thinking of what's best for them, sorry not sorry.

THE WHOLE REASON Katara is so emotionally attached to Aang and wants to be there for him whenever he needs anything is because HE ALLOWED HER TO BE A KID AND HAVE FUN AGAIN.

You'd think so called "Katara fans" would be able to understand such a simple concept that she verbally explains to us IN THE FIRST DAMN EPISODE!

Anyone that claims Aang didn't love and support Katara just as much as she did him is either misremembering the show, in deep denial, or just flat out lying to you.

[meimi-haneoka]

Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card Chapter 74: Comments + JP-ENG translation differences

Here we are, welcome back everyone!! End of the month, time for another chapter leading us into this exciting finale for Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card!! I want to start this post with a little foreword before diving into the chapter itself and the eventual translation differences ✨ I just wanted to say that I write this post with a sense of pride but also with even more sense of responsability compared to the previous months. You've probably stumbled upon my recent report of the latest CLAMP Space, where the authors have talked about CCS Clear Card, and their support/blessing to "people addressing the translation differences in their monthly posts on their blog, because they felt uncomfortable about them". Although they never straight up gave names, I certainly feel like they were talking about blogs like mine. And so I'm humbled (and even a little nervous) to be able to keep doing this, since I've wondered multiple times if it was even proper for me to write these posts every month, as if I was leading a crusade against the official English translation. In fact, I'm not. And I hope that's clear enough. When the ENG translation respects the vibe and original intention coming out from sensei's words in the manga panels, like this time around, I always make sure to say positive things about it. But try to understand me, the irritation runs deep because these are years of translation differences accumulating and at times even changing the perception of the story. And then, you stumble upon English speaking fans on the internet who got the gist of the story wrong or disrespecting/failing to appreciate it because of such translation mistakes (we go from Sakura calling Syaoran "Li-kun" in one of the earliest volumes, to Kaito saying that he wanted to give magic to Akiho, wtf??). And I think it's such a pity. It's not fair. The fandom deserves to know what the script is trying to say with a meaning as closer as possible to the original one. I hope I'll be able to help in that regard, for what's in my possibility and with my limited skills, till Clear Card will be over. ✨

OKAY, now let's cut the chatter and see what happened in this chapter!! I'm happy to say that this time around, translation-wise, we don't have anything impairing the correct understanding of the plot, just nuances! As usual, before starting, we can't skip the gif of the month!!

The Color Page

Oh my gosh! Sakura! You look amazing here!!! Such a fierce stare!! She looks just like a powerful and respected magician and OMG THEY GAVE HER A BLACK OUTFIT!! JUST LIKE I'VE BEEN ASKING EVER SINCE THE BEGINNING! I don't know, maybe the veteran followers of this blog can remember, but I've always wished to see Sakura in a black costume/dress in Clear Card 😊 She looks stunning...and what's more, she's once again with the gears and clocks decorations, just like in the period of the Clockland play. But, heheh, this time the clock looks different. The big clocks that were featured during the Clockland chapters (with Sakura + Syaoran, Akiho and lastly Kaito) were often "strange". They all had the same design, the one with SyaoSaku was "regular", but the ones next to Akiho and Kaito had their numbers either in messed up order, or straight up wrong (what kind of clock got '0' as the only number?). I had already assumed by then that they had a significance we had to decode along the development of the finale. This one in this color page, however, really looks like the most classical clock with roman numerals. The order of the numbers and their position seems correct. So could this be a sign that Sakura is about to restore order into this mess that Kaito's desperate wish created? The text on the JP version is the classic incantation to release the Dream staff from the key (we haven't heard it in a looooong time because she manifests her staff immediately, by now!) I also want to point out that we *still* don't have any announcement of "Clear Card ending in next chapter" or "Clear Card ends in 2 chapters!" like it's custom in these serializations, so I can say with confidence that Sakura won't surely be over in chapter 75 (at the beginning of July) but probably not even in chapter 76 (at the beginning of August). Are they aiming at chapter 77 (beginning of September)? Double 7, it's a lucky number for CLAMP ✨ For those worried about "3 chapters aren't enough to finish this!!", please consider that it's not so much about the number of chapters, but the amount of pages. This chapter for example is already longer than usual, 35 pages. That's what really matters, and we could get even an epilogue or some additional pages in the volume version! And now onto to the actual chapter!

An Important Discussion

Yukito, Nakuru and Touya are leisurely spending time at Yukito's home, with a funny scene of Yukito feeding some mikan to Nakuru (and she seems delighted by the cozyness of Japanese kotatsu!). Suddenly, Touya announces that Sakura is coming over. Yukito worries about how it's getting dark and that maybe it'd be better to go pick her up along the way, but a grumpy Touya says there's no need for that: along with Sakura are also coming Syaoran, Akiho and even Tomoyo. Yukito and Nakuru can't help but being surprised, and Nakuru wonders "The all-stars are coming? What's going on?" 😂 I found so hilarious the use of the term "all-stars", which in Japanese usually indicates a whole cast of a performance composed of famous actors, and sometimes it's applied to sports team too. But the room temperature drops immediately when Yukito looks at Touya, with a very pensive face, and it's immediately clear that something serious happened and Sakura is coming to discuss that. Touya might not know exactly what, but as we can see, he's already got a feeling.

Sakura and the kids arrive, apologizing for coming so suddenly, and they sit down, all with very serious faces (save for Tomoyo. Tomoyo never loses her calm composure 😆). Sakura starts dropping the bomb immediately: "I want to talk to you about something very weird" and "I want everyone who knows about the Cards and magic to hear this". Sakura is dead serious, and she informs Syaoran (sitting at her left side) that she's just told everything to Akiho shortly ago. She also tells Kero and Suppy to come out of her purse, for the second time (since the first was halted by the rewriting of the forbidden magic) putting an end to the farce of Kero constantly needing to act like a plushie in front of Touya!! Remember when the fandom used to point out that it was weird that Kero kept hiding from Touya, despite saying himself at the end of the Sakura Card Arc (after Touya gave his powers to Yue/Yukito) that he was perfectly aware that Touya knew everything about them? That really felt like a "plot hole" (maybe at this point the only REAL plot hole) for the longest time, and I am honest when I say that I had already given up hoping to see an explanation for it, wanting to treat it like a "glitch" in the narrative and using suspension of disbelief to overcome it! Well well well, CLAMP surprised me again! Cause in this chapter they actually tried to give an explanation to that "discrepancy"! And of course, being this about Kero, the explanation is rather silly (confession - I didn't understand Kero's reasoning very well, but I'll give my interpretation of what he said): Kero saw that even after that event, Touya didn't try to interact with him and thought that maybe he didn't consider him a cute and gorgeous magical creature, but rather something else....(was he butt-hurt?) Suppy of course is spitting fire cause why the heck did we need to keep pretending to be plushies?? and Kero's reply is "Because I thought it'd be fun pretending to be plushies together when you came over!". Now, if you remember how difficult and taxing it was for Suppy to force himself to stay still, you can understand why he's so mad! 😂 Touya says, quite annoyed, that he simply didn't try to interact with him because he thought that Kero was getting a kick out of acting like a plushie! I feel like sensei have quite reached and almost broke the 4th wall with this scene, because Sakura here says something that I'm pretty sure many of us have thought in regard to this "discrepancy": "I did wonder at some point why you kept that up despite I was telling you multiple times that I had the feeling my brother was onto you". And it's true, we've seen that in volume 4! Well, to me it felt like a stretch, but eventually we got an explanation for that situation so I guess it's better to leave it behind us! 😂

Cause we have more important matters at hand. Sakura places her phone on the table, showing Eriol & Kaho in videocall!! NOW all the "stars" of this show are present! 😂 So Sakura starts her recount of the most recent events, saying "It's really weird...but I swear it happened". After everyone listened to Sakura, of course they're all surprised. Nakuru wonders if there's any magician who can really have the power to "rewrite" a world...Eriol says that as far as he's heard, there isn't any magician among the living ones who has that degree of power. However, if said magician had access to a "medium" able to use the "forbidden magic", then it's another story. And that's the Book Sakura told them about. Sakura confirms that the one who told her all of this is the Guardian of the book herself. And then, to Akiho: "The plushie shaped like a bunny that you cherished so much was the temporary form of that Guardian. You named her 'Momo' ". Here I have to point out that the way the ENG translated it infers that Akiho remembers about Momo ("You know that stuffed bunny you loved so much?"), but actually in the JP version it's mostly Sakura informing Akiho that she used to cherish a bunny-shaped plushie, cause Akiho has no recollection of it. In fact, right after, she answers "But that's the title of a book I really love so much!". THERE IT IS! I've mentioned this many times in my social media accounts, and even lately in my "literary references" post here on Tumblr, but it turns out this simple answer by Akiho kinda confirms that she might really have named Momo after that book. And it's not only a beloved book because of its story, but also the one she was reading when she met Kaito for the first time. I've always thought that having her most beloved plushie named that way, and having precisely that book when they met for the first time couldn't have been unrelated. So I'm really happy for this scene here and I hope it'll get eventually confirmed better later.

Sakura takes Akiho's hands (she'll do that a lot this chapter and I simply love it) and reassures her about something that I was SURE she was going to say:

JP: "The fact that we became twins is an effect of the rewritten (world), but the fact that you are an important person to me didn't change at all, Akiho-chan"

I've preferred putting the JP version here because once again we have the usual stuff that I complain about lately: Sakura in JP used 大切なひと (important person) to describe her relationship with Akiho, and this is absolutely coherent with all the previous times. In ENG they used "you're special to me", but the adjective "special" in Japanese (特別な) in relation to a person has been consistently used in the latest chapters to describe the person Sakura is in love with (and not only Sakura). So they shouldn't have used that adjective in particular. They should stick to the literal translation. Especially cause that "special person" will come up in a few pages. I know I sound pedantic with this separation between "important person" and "special person", but I mean, CLAMP sensei are consistently keeping that distinction so I'm convinced the translation should do its best to keep it, because it's a guide to lead the readers among the relationships of CCS. Which sometimes can be quite complex.

Touya teases Sakura again with the sis-con joke, and Yukito teases him back by saying "Are you talking about yourself now?" (I love how Yukito always teases the big and grumpy Touya 😂they're really made for eachother). Tomoyo comments that it's been "a sight for sore eyes" (the term used in JP is 眼福, ganpu, and it's used when you see something precious) to see Sakura in the role of the big sister and Akiho in the one of the little sister. Akiho is moved by the fact that, despite everyone knowing the truth now, nobody shunned her or rejected her presence, and exactly like I imagined, I'm 100% sure Sakura will keep thinking about her as a sister (not a blood-related sister maybe, but surely with the same importance of one) even after everything will be solved later. Cause the bond between her and Akiho was never a fabricated thing, but always been genuine from day 1. Even if they got close in such a short period of time, it's just what happens normally in real life too. Sometimes you bond very tightly with people over a short period of time, cause you feel you're so compatible.

So Sakura continues. She says that for this reason, she wants to bring (someone) back. She's convinced that what the Record Card showed to her is not everything. She feels like there is someone who is missing from both what the Record Card had shown to her and from this rewritten world as well. Syaoran is confused, "they're missing, and yet you're sure they're there?". Sakura understands that confusion and says "It's weird, right? I can't really explain how I know it, but I just do." And then, towards Akiho: "That person....is your special person, Akiho-chan". There it is, the infamous "special person" again. It's clear what Sakura is meaning here. "This is the person you're in love with, Akiho-chan". Of course Akiho's face cannot be any other than a dismayed one at hearing that. And then the pain comes, all at once, piercing her heart and leaving her speechless. Sakura says that the Record Card wasn't showing anyone with Akiho in one of the scenes, and yet she saw her extremely happy. That was enough for Sakura to know that someone was indeed there with Akiho.

I'm Always Searching For Someone

We're shown one of the most important scenes for anyone liking Akiho and Kaito (and their bond), the night that Akiho was so brave to confess her feelings to him through a covert (and very local) way, claiming that "the moon is really beautiful". And in the same occasion he accepted to spend some time strolling and talking to her. It was clear from the moment that scene happened that it would've become important later. And the readers who know what happened and what we lost are feeling probably the same pain Akiho is feeling right now, only that she's unaware of what is causing it. Akiho says "I'm really happy to live with you, Sakura, and everyone in the Kinomoto household, but...I've been in pain. Because I'm always looking for someone who's not there...". So Akiho did feel the effects of that void. The void that only your most important person can leave when they're gone. It's just that, we've seen her being so happy with her "new" family, and yet exactly like most of the fandom imagined, that didn't really work to fill the void Kaito left. It's impossible to fill that void because that person is just irreplaceable. This scene of course stabbed my heart but I had imagined that we would've seen it sooner or later. Sakura gets more confident with the confession of what Akiho's been feeling, and tells her that she thinks the one she didn't want to lose and the one who rewrote their world are the same person. "So I'm going to bring them back". Sakura announces with a smile, but Kero just wonders in dismay how she's going to do that. Sakura believes that the pocket watch in Akiho's possession will show her how. As if on cue, Akiho takes it out of her purse and places it on the table in front of Sakura's phone, where Eriol and Kaho can see it. They recognize it's a magical artifact specialized in time magic, but they also recognize that in order for a magician to be able to use it, they would need to have a tremendous amount of magical powers. Akiho suddenly panics. It dawns on her. I think the mental connection she's made is "if Sakura wants to use this to bring my special person back, she would need to achieve an amount of magical powers that could put her in harm's way". Aside, of course, from all the other dangers that a "mission" like that could pose to our heroine. And of course she'd never be okay with that. But Sakura reassures her. "You aren't making me. I want to." Sakura explains that both when she was dealing with the Clow Cards (and we see a scene of the Final Judgement, the one where Kaho gives her the Moon Bell) and when she was transforming them into her own Cards (they show us a scene from the last battle with Eriol), she was able to overcome her troubles thanks to all of the people who loved her and cared about her.

Sakura, JP: "Therefore I want to do what I can for my important person, too"

Again the use of 大切なひと (important person) in relation to Akiho. I think this panel in particular is pretty important (and the big font indeed suggests so). I feel like it's the core, the heart of Clear Card Arc. Sakura, whom until now was accustomed to be cherished and pampered in a protected environment by her loved ones, is starting to take the first steps towards self-assertiveness and maturity. Sometimes those loved ones would overdo it with the loving, and ended up depriving her of her own agency. Sakura is finding herself, she's starting to trust her instincts and capabilities more and more, and that leads inevitably to a question: "what do I want to do with these gifts life gave me and blessed me with? What can I do to give back to the Universe all this love I'm receiving?" Searching for her self-identity will inevitably make her step out of her comfort zone. She'll take risks. Even on herself. She'll need to assess situations, make decisions. And here she decided that she wants to use her natural gift (her magical powers) to help someone in need. Someone important to her. Someone dear who lost someone irreplaceable and lacks the means to bring him back. Sakura decides to step in, help her "sister", doing exactly what she herself told her during last chapter: if I happen to be good at something that you can't do, I'll help you out. That's the beauty of being all unique and different.

I've seen people often wondering what's the purpose of Clear Card Arc, if we really needed to this arc and such. Well, to me the answer was made manifest in this chapter. 🙂

But back to our story, Tomoyo understands that moment has finally come, so she says that maybe she can't use magic, but she felt it was best to bring along with her a certain big bag (that we all know what contains, right??). She also says that she had the feeling she had made an asymmetrical costume before, but when she went to check, she realized she hadn't made it yet...

Listen to me well, because this is the solution to the mystery of the cryptical thing Ohkawa sensei said in relation to one of Sakura's costumes, during the latest CLAMP Space! Basically, she hinted that there was a reason why we hadn't seen Sakura wearing officially (for a Card battle) this costume yet, and that we would find out why soon. I know the ENG translation here talks about "complementary outfits" (referring probably to how Tomoyo will later reveal complementary outfits for both Sakura and Syaoran), but that only shows that they misunderstood the word アシンメトリー (lit. Asymmetry). Tomoyo here was literally talking about asymmetry because the "costume she thought she had made, but didn't find in the end" was precisely the one Ohkawa was hinting at during the latest Space, the one Sakura was trying on in chapter 36 and 37! Tomoyo had a sense of deja vu, about having made an asymmetrical outfit before, but actually couldn't find it because...well, the forbidden magic had removed any reference to the Clear Cards! (including, apparently, the costumes!) So that goes to show that Tomoyo, despite not having a crumble of magic, was also subjected to the deja vu and weird feelings of "discrepancy" that such rewriting of the world would cause. But hold on tight, cause another reference is on the way!

Tomoyo continues saying that while she was sewing the sleeve of the outfit, she had the strong feeling that this costume would turn into a very special one. And what do we have here? OH YES, it's THAT sleeve, the one we've been waiting for so eagerly! The one that Sakura saw in a dream with MCF once! Sakura back then asked to MCF if they would meet outside the dream when she'd be wearing that outfit, and MCF only cryptically said that it would be "the beginning of the end". Considering now we know that MCF has been mostly a byproduct of Lilie trying to communicate with Sakura and inadvertently messing things up, I do wonder about that MCF. Was Sakura, by any chance, actually was supposed to see Kaito and she saw the robe instead, because of Lilie? Or is that an actual member of Akiho's clan? Only this finale can tell us the truth. Sakura will certainly meet someone, with that costume.

Sakura thanks Tomoyo, always so ready to show her support, and she does something very sweet, as a result of regaining all of her rewritten memories: she tells Tomoyo that she'll do her best to come back without getting the costume dirty, but if it eventually starts fraying, she knows that Tomoyo will be there to repair it.....yeah....doesn't it remind you of something?? Of course I bet any Tomoyo fan knows very well what scene Sakura is referencing with this line....

When Sakura told Tomoyo she repaired her torn costume with the Repair Card in chapter 40, Tomoyo expressed the wish to be her the one repairing those costumes, with her own hands. Because she had created them specifically for Sakura, so she would also want to be the one to repair them in case they'd get damaged. Basically telling her "I made these with all my love for you, and I'd prefer that a Card didn't take my place even when needing to repair them. I want the costumes that you wear to be made completely by my own hands". Always reminding us that making something with your own hands for your loved one is the greatest proof of love for any character in CCS (which is something I find truly wholesome and beautiful). Sakura here shows to have understood and accepted that wish fully, therefore acknowledging Tomoyo and her feelings. Tomoyo is uncharacteristically surprised for a second, and then with the happiest smile she confirms that of course she'll be there to repair it!

Sakura looks at her brother Touya, who only grumpily tells her to respect the curfew. Sakura is confused because they never had a curfew time at home, but her brother replies "Come back before dad gets worried. That's our curfew". (in ENG there's an additional part here, I guess to fill in a bubble that would be left empty) Sakura confidently replies "Got it".

Nakuru is all giddy, excitedly announcing that they decided to go to war and they need to decide the formation!! Suppy mocks her, telling her she's talking as if she were playing one of her warring states games (in JP the term used here is 戦国ゲーム - sengoku game - and I've found there's a specific game called indeed Sengoku, but it seems the same term extended to indicate all the war games set in the Sengoku era), but that doesn't deter Nakuru, who says that if she gets chosen, she will certainly participate actively (here the ENG uses game language from what I can see - not an expert - but good job!)!!

Sakura's plan is different, though. She says that tonight she'll be going only with Syaoran. She knows that if everyone could go with her, she'd feel more confident and reassured, but...

Sakura, JP: "If I want to find Akiho-chan's most important person, I have the feeling that it'd be better for me to go with my most important person"

Here we go. We temporarily leave aside the "special person" terminology to go back to the more famous and loved "my most important person" term, to indicate THE ONE person someone loves the most. 一番大切なひと (ichiban taisetsuna hito). The term we all learned because it's been so crucial to indicate the person someone was in love with during the old arcs of the story. The term Sakura eventually used for Syaoran at the end of CCS volume 12 to finally give a "definition" to the love she felt for him. Now she uses it to define Akiho's feelings for Kaito. This is "the" term that takes precedence over all the other terminology used, and also goes to show how important and solemn the moment is. Sakura's intuition tells her that in order to find Kaito, Akiho's most important person, she should go with Syaoran, her own most important person. This is probably because her magical intuition (let's remember that Sakura got the power to see the future) grasped that her bond with Syaoran will be absolutely pivotal in order to have a positive outcome for the mission they're about to embark on. They will probably have to put that bond at work....maybe to explain, show, help someone understanding something that he still doesn't seem to grasp perfectly? Or rather, a stubborn refusal to understand it, which caused them all to be in this situation they're in right now? What's for sure is that if Sakura and Syaoran manage to find Kaito, and if they'll also manage to free him from the Seal of D. + the artifact with all the magical books that Akiho had engraved in herself, their job won't certainly be over like that. Kaito needs to talk to someone. He needs to understand many, many things. Some of those things, Sakura and Syaoran can at least try to introduce them to him. Because while it's true that Sakura wants to bring him back for Akiho, she also needs to make sure that coming back is also Kaito's wish. Because they can't force him if he isn't 100% convinced himself. I'm sure this is a very important thematic for CLAMP, respecting someone's self-determination. And since his state of mind, last time we saw him, was that he was perfectly expendable and that he was absolutely not necessary in Akiho's life, they need to change that perception. And there's also the fact that, despite being so different, Kaito and Syaoran are pretty similar in several aspects too. So maybe the role Syaoran can have in "communicating" with Kaito could be very important and impactful. Maybe that's what Sakura's intuition was trying to tell her.

Here, the ENG translation decided to translate that "most important person" with "favorite person". I have definitely turned up my nose at seeing that (why not leaving the iconic term?) but in the end I decided to relax because, at the end of the day, the result is similar. It indicates a person for whom your preference and importance is above everyone else. What really *mattered* in this scene - and lo and behold, it seems ONLY the English and Portuguese versions got it right (let me know about the Chinese one, cause I can't read that one) - is that Sakura used the same term to describe what Akiho feels for Kaito, and what SHE feels for Syaoran. "I am aware that this missing person is for Akiho an existence of the same importance Syaoran-kun has for me. Therefore, I will do everything in my power to bring them back, because I fully understand that kind of bond and I understand the void they leave in your life when they're not there" She knows, to some degree, what it feels like to miss your most beloved person, due to the period she had to spend apart from Syaoran. And they could still have phone calls and writing letters. Akiho's situation can only be worse. Sakura's understanding of that bond is also what causes her intuition to suggest her to go only with Syaoran. It's all connected. So it's of utmost importance that the translations use the same term when both talking about Akiho and Sakura. Then, about this scene, we could also say that it was a beautiful demonstration of how much Sakura (but also Syaoran) has grown up, now fully confident to declare in front of everyone that Syaoran is THE most important person in her life. Without blushing and without any drama. It's just a fact. After all they've been through, I think Sakura can feel confident enough in her relatinship with Syaoran, and there's no shame nor embarrassment in stating that aloud.

The people present here can only accept and show their support, and Eriol encourages Sakura to follow her intuition (remember the whole discussion about listening to the stirring of your heart, the so-called intuition? Yeah, a great lesson from Mama Yelan which will also be applied to another character soon). Sakura tells Kero that if she needs him, she will certainly call, and the guardian beast reassures her that he'll certainly hear his master's voice, same for Yue.

Then, lastly, Sakura takes Akiho's hands and holds them tightly. They share another sweet forehead touch (seriously, I love them so much ❤️). Akiho is worried, so worried, but also very resolute. She wants this as much as Sakura does. Sakura tells her that there'll surely be a moment when she'll request Akiho to do something only she can do, and asks her to please wait here with everyone till that time comes.

I'll admit it, I was really disappointed when I've read this scene the first time around. Not only because I had imagined all kinds of scenes in my head (included Akiho wearing one of Tomoyo's costumes) and they shattered that possibility (but oh well, I am prepared to that), but also because I feel like this isn't a good choice from a character development POV. I understand it, I really understand it, this is Sakura's story. She's the one who gets to shine in the finale. And we've talked about it before, there's no doubt that Sakura in this story goes through a journey to find her identity and what she wants to do. So now it's time to let her do that. But Akiho has been slandered for the whole manga, accused of all kind of things because of prejudice, and one of those was "she's weak and passive, she does nothing". Seeing her "on the sidelines" once again, when we're talking about rescuing her most important person, feels extremely off. Letting someone else do "the job for her" doesn't even feel like Akiho.

Then, as hours passed by, I thought...

Maybe Sakura wants to take care of the first part of the mission, because it'll certainly be the one where it's most likely to encounter some magical danger (dragon-chan???). And Akiho wouldn't be able to defend herself from that, devoid of magical powers as she is. She could potentially end up risking her own life. And then all of this would've been for nothing. And then I thought, wait, maybe Akiho knows that. She knows it very well, since she's a girl with a pretty good understanding of herself and her own limits. And this is certainly a limit she does have. So what she can do is to wait safely at home, as hard and painful as it can be, for the REAL, big moment when her presence will be absolutely necessary. Sakura said it with great confidence so it's 100% sure it will come. Therefore, as an Akiho fan, I will swallow this pill and wait together with her. 🫤

But the chapter isn't over yet, as Touya and Yukito go outside in the garden while Sakura and Syaoran get dressed for their departure! Yukito teases once again Touya, telling him that his face is scary and that Sakura's earlier statement ("most important person") must have caused him "damage" (still seemingly talking in game language). Touya of course doesn't reply, so Yukito continues, giving finally confirmation to the suspicion I've been having ever since this "rewritten world" started: Touya did notice something was off. He didn't know precisely what, but he knew it had something to do with Sakura. Yukito also gives us the opportunity to see just how kind and generous Touya is: he purposely didn't go back home often because he wanted to reduce his presence around Akiho as much as possible. Not because of negative feelings, quite the contrary: he was worried she'd get even more hurt if she established a bond with him, only to end up finding out that they weren't really brother and sister. (Meanwhile, we see a very cute panel of Akiho talking to Kero, Suppy and still in videocall with Eriol and Kaho!) And then, to follow the leit-motiv of this chapter, very centered on calling back stuff that had already happened in the original world, Touya says that he won't allow anyone to hurt his close ones (they used "family" in ENG, but the word 身内 can indicate also friends and such, the common characteristic is that they're very close). Got the feeling you've already heard these words, especially with the use of the word 身内 ? Yes, of course, it's vaguely the same threat he made to Kaito back in chapter 54, during the double date! 😂 Hmmmm, I have the feeling that if they manage to bring Kaito back (of course they will!), someone will want to have a word or two with him....let's hope he'll just stick to words! 😂 Jokes aside, it's very heartwarming to see how even Touya warmed up to Akiho, and took her under his protective big brother's wing! In fact, Yukito can't just miss the new opportunity to tease him (stop flirting so shamelessly in front of us, Yuki! 😂), telling him he's so overprotective for his sisters!!

The two lovebirds have finished changing their clothes, and we're all left staring at them agape, together with Nakuru: they look stunning, in their complementary outfits!! Sakura even got heels ❤️ And yes, dear readers, as already hinted when Tomoyo was speaking, this is IT, THE costume with THAT sleeve that appeared in Sakura's dream! It is the biggest indication that it's finally time for the last confrontation. Both Sakura and Syaoran look so resolute and ready to make a mess of space and time to bring Kaito back!! 😂 As many have noticed, Sakura got her Dream Staff with her, despite the Clear Cards have disappeared: my theory is that the Key was never removed by the forbidden magic, only the Cards, or maybe that the key came out now that Sakura got her memories back.

And this is where the chapter ends, with another huge cliffhanger!! Will we see Kaito, next time? Being a chapter number ending in -5, and being in the very last volume, I expect big things from it! Chapter 75 will be published on CLAMP's Youtube channel on July 1st, while the relative Nakayoshi magazine will be released on July 3rd (by the way, we'll have Sakura ONCE AGAIN on the cover and ANOTHER Sakura furoku!!). As usual, when I have less translation mistakes to talk about and more space for my feelings towards the chapter, I go overboard! Another freaking long post 😂😂 So I'll just leave you here, as usual I'll wait for your asks in my inbox! Bye Bye!!

[tdvotes]

Counting the Votes, s1e21

Welcome back to... Total! Drama! Counting... the Votes! Today you will undergo a Trial by Tri-Armed Triathlon! This episode was chock full of inconsistencies and general weirdness when compared to the rest of the season, so let's try to wade through it all together.

Invincibility: None

Received a marshmallow: Leshawna, Duncan, Heather, Owen

Final marshmallow: Gwen

Eliminated: Geoff

Who voted for who and why? This was one of those votes that was based on the assumption that the final episode would come down to a vote. We're going to go through each camper and figure out how they voted.

Leshawna: "I ain't gonna front. I knew that if it came down to a popularity contest, I was gonna lose big time. I had to vote off Heather." That makes absolutely zero sense. First of all, in the very next episode, it did come down to a popularity contest and Leshawna lost big time... by winning big time. And second, if she did think it was going to come down to a popularity contest, why would she vote off the least popular camper on the island? How this confessional slipped through the cracks is beyond me. My best guess is that the writers reviewed it when they were still making Camp TV (the original name for the show) and Gwen was still going to be called Heather. But even that doesn't make sense because a) they are best friends on the island and b) we find out later that nobody was worried about Gwen winning a popularity contest.

As I was writing this post, I came up with an alternate theory: if Leshawna actually thought she was that unpopular, then maybe she thought "If I vote off the person everybody hates, then that might make me slightly more popular." Or maybe she thought "I'm gonna lose a vote anyway, so I might as well vote off the person who's causing me the most grief." Again, both of these hinge on the assumption that she was, in fact, as unpopular as she said.

Duncan: "You made a big mistake a few weeks ago, and I have a looooong memory." Unclear whether he's talking about the Brunch of Disgustingness (when Geoff made Bridgette feel better about eating the "meatballs") or Hide and Be Sneaky (when Geoff failed to help the guys vote off Bridgette). Probably the latter. In either case, he voted for Geoff.

Heather: "I'd have to be an idiot to vote off anyone else at this point. No hard feelings. It's just strategy." Obviously she is referring to Geoff because he is the nicest and most well-liked person on the island.

Owen: After Geoff was eliminated he said, "As if Heather could defeat nice" so he obviously voted Geoff as well.

Gwen: Probably voted for Heather for no other reason than their rivalry.

Geoff: No idea. He spent the episode bonding with Gwen, so obviously not her. He already liked the other guys, so probably not them. Not Heather since that would create a tie. But that only leaves Leshawna, and I seriously doubt he would vote for her.

Maybe I'll go back to the previous episode to explain this: Geoff had stated in the beginning of that one that he didn't like Gwen and Duncan as much because they were serious all the time. So maybe he voted for Duncan just because of that. I don't know, I'm spitballing here.

My final guess: 3 votes for Geoff, 2 for Heather, 1 for Duncan

But as always, these are just my thoughts and I want to hear yours! Could you make heads or tails out of what Leshawna said? What was Geoff's "big mistake"? Who did Leshawna and Geoff vote for? Leave your theories in the comments below.