#big exam this wednesday
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I don't know I probably should not be freaking out lmao but this is literally all I've wanted for 10+ years,
#😓#i also need to start working on my portfolio like yesterday#so i should probably start on that#big weeks coming up ahead. its the end of the semester so it is to be expected#i think i have dog events for the next 3 weekends#big exam this wednesday#homework tonight + tomorrow#presentation tuesday#finals are in ONE month#road trip in less than two months#graduation in ONE YEAR!!!!#a lot is happening#i also need to start advertising my art WAY more aggressively#because i need a second source of income#especially since i cannot work the fall semester#i guess i could work 1530 to 1730 two days a week and 900 to 1400 one day#but like. if were not shortstaffed then whats the point of that lmao#im getting myself all wound up i think but theres a lot to be worried about atm#and i need to think about moving 🥲#a year is not a long time.
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i'm going to get a stomach ulcer until they post the results on wednesday
#big exam today (residency)#i so desperately want a spot for laboratory analysis in the city i went to uni#i know my result but i won't know if it's a good result until wednesday#and the spots are chosen on sunday#I WILL COLLAPSE#there's like 20 spots i'm interested in and there were 2000 candidates i want to cry
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how to email professor about them being disrespectful of ur time and to please post assignments not 24 hrs before they’re due
#posted two assignments this (sunday) morning due tomorrow (monday) night despite us only having#lecture once a week on tuesday nights#bitch u should have assigned this LAST WEDNESDAY!!!!#i have already planned everything i need to do for the next 48 hrs and ur stupid fucking policy research paper proposal#cannot suddenly take top priority bc u assigned it last minute without any mention in class#meanwhile i have actual big girl classes to worry abt like this fuckass biochem exam. do u want me to kill myself BE HONEST#i’m so pissed i’ve had this prof before and she’s so fucking disorganized and incapable of explaining herself it makes me want#to tear out my hair#lucky me she is also one of my advisors now 😁☝️ according to the email i got yesterday#not for long tho i’m requesting a new one asap i CANNOT give her any morsel of responsibility for my career#I NEED A GUN#the gun is for myself fbi i am not making a threat. obama voice let me be clear
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this week is gonna be absolute hell i need it to be over already
#have a presentation and an exam i didn't even know about until now on Wednesday#<- the presentation ins't done and i don't even know what's on the exam#and I have an oral exam for Spanish I JUST found out about today with a partner that i have to meet with#plus i'm still sick#after a week#that's honestly enough to make me want to kill myself#and i need to write for big bang#i am overwhelmed#but it's fine i'm spending my break now on tumblr and not doing the stuff i should be doing#so it's going great
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oscillating rapidly and producing a low tone in the note of c
#on the one hand i am dying because i am not catching on in this new internship placement#all whilst my professors are already asking me to have my ducks in a row and send them like.#a detailed plan of what i'll be doing for my big final exam#when i don't even know what the schedule is around here or what's already been done and what still needs to be done#on the other hand my brain is so so desperate for goofing around time after spending basically the whole break working#(i took like a week off to be sick in december and then another 5 days to be sick in january)#(and then i Meaningfully took three or so days off to just. relax. in between stages of this other project)#but now i really just want to like. slack off entirely for a whole week.#(i can't do this)#(i need to start writing planning documents and making progress towards my big final exam thing)#so essentially i am weeping and dying#but at the very least a cool thing should be coming around either tomorrow or wednesday so#be on the lookout for that w#a a a a a a a a i hope it goes over well#a friend and i have been working really hard on this since last june . . . . .#(with a huge break in the middle on account of the internship hell)#but wauuughghgh save me from the hell i reside in (burn out from last semester is now following me into this one waughgh)
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I will feel so tired that it's like my atoms are coming undone and I'm being made unreal...and then I will have a little chocolate treat and for 15 minutes I am whole and present again. Then the horrors
#ramblings of a lunatic#i remember feeling like this at the peak of my burnout and fatigue before#(also the same burnout and fatigue that took my interests and creativity and ground them into dust)#so I've concluded that i will just try and make it through the next two days as best i can (I GET FANCY RESTAURANT FOOD ON WEDNESDAY)#and then I'll just try to let my mental and physical health recuperate while finding excuses to hang w/ friends#cause that'll stave off thr madness of isolation#i wanna watch my shows and movies too and I'll finally be able to w/o guilt after the last exam :cries:#anyway. if you've noticed an uptick in me just sayin shit recently (in a way that may or may not be cause for concern)#it's bc I'm so close to getting out of the mines that having to wait any longer is driving me clinically insane#i wanna downplay the problem bc it's truly not that big a deal in some ways#but then i remembered that this is a) the longest I've gone w/o seeing my pals in like. nearly a month#and I've been at home doing the same stuff everyday for nearly a month too#and also IT'S THE FINAL EXAM I'M EVER GONNA DO BEFORE COLLEGE. IT'S A BIG DEAL MAN#so actually. yes I'm a bit of a drama queen but my slice of life problems have a place for mediation and bemoaning#but it's fine. bc we're gonna kill it#I'm gonna do sooooooo good on this test (<- manifesting)#it's. a little high pressure bc the last time i did a test for this subject (that I'm generally very good at) i majorly beefed it#but I've learned since then and I'm hoping. praying. also working hard but mostly hoping and praying#anyway. I gotta sleep soon bc i got so little sleep last night bc of the heat that i almost started crying at breakfast#LET'S GO LESBIANS (the lesbians are me. it's just me talking into a hall of mirrors)
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I officially got the artist block!! If there’s anything you guys have in mind, headcanons, requests, ideas or even ships, send them in! I’d love to hear them, and maybe that’ll help me through this shitty thing <3
#art block is the worst#I shouldnt have drawn for an entire week straight during exams#even my bf warned me about it#he told me to take breaks for all the reqs but fuck it yk#at least i know what i have to watch out for now#I also recently watched wednesday and it was rlly nice!!#i thought tim burton was dead but#im just a dumbass#always been a big fan of tim burton so seeing him being one of the producers made me rlly happy#anyways!!!!!#south park#sp#stan marsh#kyle broflovski#kenny mccormick#eric cartman#craig tucker#tolkien black#clyde donovan#tweek tweak#jimmy valmer#butters stotch#goth kids#and so on#fanart
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DID YOU MISS THE EXAM... Either way I can believe in that superstition for a sec I'm so sorry 😭😭😭
NONO I TOOK IT. BARELY. I BARELY TOOK IT. I JUST THOUGHT CLASS WAS GOING TO BE NORMAL BUT NOPE <3<3<3
#snap chats#ngl cried a lil in classs... mightve scribbled a bit on the page.. which has happened before when taking spanish tests LMAO#the rage and anger i felt... oh to punch a wall like i literally just wanted to leave and scream#and i havent felt that kind of anger in a hot minute it was so ugly LMAOOOO so stupid nothing even majorly bad happened#it just the build up ig.... anyways...#I THOUGHT IT WAS WEDNESDAY CAUS EI HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT TOMORROW#AND ASSIGNMENTS ARE USUALLY DUE THE DAY BEFORE THE EXAM BUT. OK. FUCK ME IG#when i finally stopped being a big ol baby i focused on the questions and they weren't actually too hard so im p sure i did fine#it was just... The Emotional Damage of walking in thinking it was gonna be a chill day after Everythin and its like :) No Exams Today :)#the funnier bit is that i literally asked my professor and then she forgot to give me the exam so i had to ask her for it 🧍♂️#right after asking about the exam 🧍♂️like i know im unremarkable but you JUST spoke to me....#my reputation of being the most invisible man continues..... an ironic title to have but ill take it....#call my ass kellam the way i have to remind people im here <3 fe homies will know what that means and they'll know im right </3#anyway to end the horrible night. Hopefully. i was gonna get milk from the milk dispenser Because We Have Those#and the milk i usually get was empty so i got the second one and the spout was tilted weirdly so the milk just went backwards#so that was fun. to get. and then a guy tried getting chocolate milk after me and Something happened cause he just yelled the f slur LOL#what a day... it's no one's day today apparently.....#anyway Lesson Learned don't fuck with three's. i don't like the number three it always gives me bad vibes...#did i disclose my Unhealthy relationship with numbres.. i prob did lol.. ima wrap this post up now...
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SO fucked up that when u study languages they also make u study architecture history and ant biology and economy and european politics hierarchy so by the end of the semester i still cant tie a proper sentence in any language but sure i can differentiate the neo gothic style from rococo or tell you what a bull market is
#shut up dave#im tired im tired im tired i dont care abt any of this#i mean i do enjoy architecture and art periods. i dont want to be required to know all of them#i have an exam tomorrow and one on sunday and one on wednesday and one on next saturday#then on monday and tuesday and the following saturday and monday too#and frankly. im only confident i can pass 3 maybe 4 of them#for the rest??? idk ill need to study and im very bad at that#but hey we got the grades back from the first exam!! the one i took last week and i got a 9 yippeee#that is out of 10#it was in german interpreting n like. genuinely. im good enough at consecutive interpreting that i dont think theres a way 4 me to fail#like even if i mess it up i cant do THAT bad#i had to do it 4 english today and i think i fucked up sooo big it was so embarrassing. but then we got to the critique of my performance#and. it was all the usual nitpicks? like few word choices#the occasional discordance with adjectival conjugation. few points that 'havent clearly come across'#in my mind i had missed like a whole half of the speech but apparently it was p good still#now the problem is. same prof who teaches that subject also teaches specialized languages#and im. very bad at that one for simple reason that i have not processed any information all year#um maybe next time dont make your class about the stock market? idk just a suggestion. i dont care for wallstreet or whatever.#tho to b fair i didnt care for the european parliament last year either so ig u just cant win me on those terms#but if we get to specializing on the judiciary field i think i wouldnt be able to keep ignoring it. because of the circumstances#i have two more shirt designs to finish before the month ends but as u can see school wants me dead at the same time#one of said designs is a full 7 character thing :/#and the other. well ive already made 3 thumbnails for it and nothing rly clicks the way i want it to
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Props to people who can use study methods like pomodoro. I have come to the conclusion that I just simply cannot. I do not have the self control for short, regular breaks; I will study 6 hours uninterrupted or not at all.
#I can't put a task down if it's not finished#so I can't take my break on time#and then I can't just put down whatever I was doing during my break#studyblr#studying#this week has been ROUGH and it's only wednesday wish me luck#first exam today!! And first big project due tonight!!
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#WHY ARE ALL MY ASSIGNMENTS BOTTLENECKING ON TUESDAY#the day I have the LEAST FREE TIME#AAAAAAA#I have to go to bed God help me#exam. four one-page papers. ANOTHER paper. application for Honors capstone project. and I have like four hours of free time total#WHYYYYY#it's going to be fine I just... probably need to log out until Wednesday#big yikes
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tomorrow and the weekend is gonna be a nightmare, since i technically will have totk BUT I can't play until tuesday
#big exam on tuesday guyyys#also i think when the weather is good the teacher wants to make a BBQ#and drink our self brewed beer#might have to think about taking train then...#so totk probably on wednesday:^)#just rambling at this point#also bc i dont wanna study for the exam tomorrow#everything will be over on wednesday 🤯#absolutly insane
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i feel like I'm gonna cry. not for any particular reason other than *gestures vaguely*
#and i don't really cry that often other than sometimes at movies/tv#i think if a normal person experienced the thoughts and feelings i have constantly they would cry a lot#that's why i've always hated ppl calling me sensitive if i were to cry#anyways#i'm just super stressed about school#have a huge programminh assignment due wednesday where the only instruction we were given was to learn at least 1 new language or framework#on our own. so i've had to like teach myself all this shit and i have no idea what i'm doing#i have astrophysics hw due last night i need to submit by tuesday and i have no idea what's going on in that class#i have a huge exam on wednesday where we aren't allowed a notecard or anything and i can't remember things#and i have another exam on thursday that i need to do super well on because i did badly on the last one#and i don't really know what's going on in that class either#i feel like i just don't have enough time to do all the things i need to do even though i've been working nonstop#on friday i was literally working on my code for that big assignment until 2 am#as of rn you can register and login to my shopping site#if youre logged in you can then view items and add items and log out#you can click to just view 1 item and delete items (even if they're not yours oops)#currently trying to get update item to work (and failing miserably)#said on my rubric (which i made before i knew anything about the frameworks i chose to learn)#that you would be able to leave comments on items and view and add money to your account#oh and i also got to make it so you can actually buy an item#i also allocated 20 points towards a creative portion which is just doing a lot of additional stuff i didnt specify#i have so much to do and so little time#i'm using React (a js framework) for the frontend and Laravel (a php framework) for the backend and like none of the TAs know laravel rip#the TAs are practically useless anyway and the prof doesn't have any office hours#panicking#so much to do#i haven't started studying for either of my exams this week#and i don't even go to lectures for one of the classes and we're still learning new stuff on tuesday#i need to not sleep but i get so sleepy#im so bad at focusing in my apt but the library closes at midnight and is only open 24hrs during reading and finals week
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i’m finally working on the enderman again btw
#it’s so big that working on it is unexpectedly physical cause i’ve either gotta move around it or have it in my lap#so when i got hurt right before spring break i had to take a pretty considerable hiatus from working on it#and then i just got insanely busy w classwork#so now that i’m done with classwork and had a few days where all i had to do was pack and take like#one total exam#i had time and energy to work on it again#(plus i wanted to get it done before i leave wednesday)#so uhhhhh yeah longathan jonathan pictures tomorrrowwwew i hope
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handsewing button holes through 6 layers of fabric is an unfortunately huge pain in the ass and tragically i have to do 18 of them
#ive done 3 so far so 6th of the way thru 😔 its ok im being so brave about this#i dont mind THAT much bc i enjoy sewing button holes tbh its just a little Meh bc it takes so long & like#i dont want to waste so much time while other project remain so unfinished#plus theres one layer of fabric which is already a bitch to sew thru one or two layers which like. i chose this fabric knowingly#i just forgot that id have to do the button holes by hand#& its for a corset too so theres boning on both sides which means there isnt all that much manoeuvreability#but ! i finished the top edge w bias tape (which i made myself without a little tool and went way better than ive done before with tool)#& it looks decently sick so ! i am positive about this thing overall its just that i shouldnt have made 7 holes on both sides at the back#i was originally only gonna do 5/side but then i was just measuring a hole/3cm & didnt think about my original reasoning for doing 5#& by the time i recalled how much work it'd be id already actually used a seam ripper to make the holes so i cant back out now#+ something rly rly bothersome is that my iron left a pretty big stain on the fabric (im still not sure how this stuff works#but i think my boning had some rust on it and thats what made the stain rather than the iron itself#i could be wrong tho) so i think im either gonna try to wash it out obv but if that doesnt work#i might do some embroidery which im not looking forward to#but unfortunately needs must and ive already cut a few corners & have some imperfections that i need leeway on#AND i dont want EVERY single project to be noticably halfassed at my jury so#i'll be fine btw im complaining but more so im just sorting thru my thoughts bc im quite pleased w how it looks#despite the imperfections#& ive overall just had a good day#tomorrow is reserved for studying art history bc i have that exam on wednesday & wednesday i wanna use whats left of the day#to work on my drape (possible some of that will happen tomorrow too) so i can get it mostly finished#& then i still have the option of showing my teacher on thursday if i feel the need to do so#& also i just need to get that done so i dont have to worry about it too much anymore#then we'll be taking pics on sunday probably#& then i have 2 more days to finish my portfolios and sort all of that out (and fuck i keep forgetting i have to upload everything online)#& then !! jury time !! & the day after we're gonna go to a theme park & then we just have until the 2nd week of feb#to relax and do sort of whatever we want#excited !!!
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I have my first analysis exam in 2 days we'll see how that goes !!
ok wait, reblog if you’ve cried at least once because of math, doesn’t matter which grade i’m trying to prove something
#it's not even for real points#not really at least#and i had a big exam today so i was working on that all week#and i am NOT prepared for wednesday#and i also have a physics test on thursday#i wanna focus on that more tbh bc my chances of passing are higher#but ill do my best in both i guess#so i probs wont be crying#but we'll see how my exams in january go lol
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