#i also need to start working on my portfolio like yesterday

[bas-rouge]

I don't know I probably should not be freaking out lmao but this is literally all I've wanted for 10+ years,

[lovsome]

i think im gonna ask my therapist to get me an appointment with the private psychiatrist she suggested

[ih3artkitty]

girl do i have a story to tell you

so as we know q is highkey for the streets. like she be talking to multiple girls at the same time like she gets paid to do so. so anyways she was talking to this one stud named mariah (her tiktok has everything if u rlly want the mess). mind you, mariah wasn't rlly cool with her but q kept like nagging her for facetimes and stuff like that right. so obviously mariah is like trying to back off before it gets too crazy vc obviously something is wrong with q, so she blocks her. that got q upset and i think she started finding mariah on other platforms (crazy work). MIND YOU during all this mariah had a girl that q knew about and q was still trying to get with mariah.

so i think at that point mariah started using the opportunity God gave her and started basically keeping a log of everything going on. building a portfolio of evidence if u will. and yesterday at like...11AM (my time), mariah posted a screenshot/collage of a bunch of things q said to her in private and basically how she acts behind closed doors.

so after mariah posted that pic, a BUNCH of other girls (mainly poc) who talked with q started coming forward about her weird ways basically. it got to the point where mariah went on live so people could air out what they experienced with q. i wouldn't be surprised if it was recorded, but idk where you would find it. during that live, a bunch of girls came forward (a good bit of them being minors) mainly talking about how q would block them for the weirdest of things. like i remember one girl saying she commented on kk harvey and q's little thing (the person said they were cute together) or wtv on live and she got blocked for it shortly after. you know weird shit.

but then it got sooo much worse. more people were coming forward saying q was basically a creep and a freak who always made conversations sexual asf. like in the collage mariah posted, there's a pic of q asking for phone s3x like huh?? and that's bad already but mariah is over 18 so yeah. but MINORS were coming out saying q was doing that to them too. apparently q told a minor that she's gonna "talk her through it" like im sorry what???

another girl came on the live and said q was racist against asian people in particular because she had snapped her earlier this year and q said "you're pretty for an asian girl" (aka the most used microaggression poc women have to deal with).

there's other shit like fatphobia, transphobia, q saying the r word..like this really exploded.

and what's even worse is the thing that got this whole mess started in the first place was bc q was airing out her teammates business to mariah (a total stranger mind you). at this point im pretty sure it's almost confirmed that at least two people being talked about were paige and azzi

there's alot of other weird shit q has done. honorable mention goes to q saying she flirts with her stud friends. which is bad in itself, but then someone said that q and ayanna are roommates so...take with that what you will.

all i know is that q needs to get off the team because she has no place being on the team when she's acting like this behind closed doors.

̩͙꒰ঌ✞໒꒱· ﾟ

when I tell you my jaw was in the fucking floor. That hoe has to be the weirdest person I have ever heard about in my life. I looked up the whole situation last night and to say her ass needs to get kicked off that team is an understatement. Her telling a minor that she would “talk her through it” bitch how fucking sick are you ☠️. I also find it crazy she was talking about Asians when a LITERAL Asian girl is on her team….

I don’t see how some people are so comfortable with telling their “friends” secrets, I put quotations around friends cause I know them girl don’t like her fr, if I was any of them I would beat her ass because I bet you she won’t do that shit again

but thank you for telling me all this shit because I was already looking at her funny because of all the people coming forward and just saying she was a rude person but I know for a fact that hoe is weird. So thank you again 😭

[lonesome-witching]

Secret Admirer

This is a storyline I have explored before a while back but I was delighted to do it again and slightly different, so thank you for the prompt @ronance4life42. I hope you guys like this one. If you want a similar work you can check out Be My Valentine all the way back from June.

You can read my previous prompts or send me some new ones.

Dear Nancy,

I’m not sure where to start. It appears I never know where to start, and especially not with you. It’s stupid really, how easily I care about your judgement. You see, I want you to like me, I really do. And well, I don’t think you do. It is not something I blame you for. I wouldn’t like me either. I don’t like me actually. But yet, I want you to like me.

I want you to like me because I like you. It is the most logical reason. And perhaps also the silliest. Because it seems impossible that you could ever like me. Or at least that you could ever like me in the way I like you.

Maybe that is the point of this silly letter. Maybe the point is that I like you too much. That I see you across the hallway and I’ll want to approach. That I hear your voice and can’t refrain myself from smiling.

It is not your beauty that enchants me, although it most definitely does, but it is your intellect, your passion, your drive. Perhaps it is everything about you, everything that makes you you.

It is silly, I suppose, that I’m willing to write poetry about a girl that doesn’t even like me. But Nancy, you are the type of girl that people write poetry about. It is while looking at you that I realize what overcomes the poets and artists in this world. Because suddenly I want to write, and I want to paint and draw and sculpt. I want to become a photographer and keep a portfolio of only you. And while others admire your beauty, I will think back to the person behind it.

Perhaps that would be enough. Although I doubt it. Because even more than that, I want you to like me. And that is even so much sillier.

Nancy turned the page in her hand. It had dropped out of her locker the second she had pulled it open. There was no name on the bottom of the page, not on the back either. No signature, no locker number, no indication of who it was from. Nothing. It just stopped at the end of that last sentence. Almost as if the writer had wanted to continue.

She sighed, folded the paper and placed it in one of textbooks. She hoped to forget it by the time first period started. She knew she wouldn’t. How could she forget such a letter? She needed to know who had written it.

Robin was already sitting in her usual seat when Nancy entered the classroom. Simply tapping her pencil on her desk and staring out the window. For a moment she did forget about the letter. It was the moment Robin looked up at her.

But the letter returned to her mind when she sat down next to her friend.

“Nancy, hi. Good morning!” Robin greeted, sitting up straighter.

“Good morning, Robin.” She was hesitating. Unsure of whether she should tell Robin about the letter. It felt nice that it was just for her. It felt nice to keep it a secret. “Robin?”

“Yeah?”

“I need your help with something. I got this letter and I need to know who it’s from.” Nancy carefully placed the letter on Robin’s desk. She wanted to pull it back, regretted handing it over already.

“Oh?” Robin slowly unfolded the letter.

“Can you help me?”

-

Dear Nancy,

Yesterday I sat in the school library and when I looked up from my copy of Dante’s Inferno, or well the school’s copy, you were there. You were sighing as you skimmed through books and I was reminded of wanting to paint you. Those are the moments I want to keep forever. The ones that aren’t mine and yet they are. Everyone could have watched you, but no one did. No one but me. It felt all too intimate, looking at you work.

I’m beginning to worry that I’ll come off as a creep. I promise I’m not a stalker. I just

You are just too extraordinary for me not to pay attention.

“I’m not sure who it could be, Nance. It’s certainly not Steve, that much is clear.” Robin took a bit out of her sandwich. Nancy noticed she did that sometimes. She’d start eating in the middle of a sentence to keep herself from saying to much. Nancy hated that she did that.

“I hadn’t expected it to be Steve.”

“I don’t think it’s Jonathan either.”

Nancy laughed at that. If Jonathan had felt that way about her, the way this secret admirer felt, he could have just said so. He had her in the palms of his hands, and he pushed her away. It wasn’t Jonathan.

“Could it be Tommy Hagan?” Robin asked seriously, before bursting into bright laughter. Nancy joined her. The idea of Tommy Hagan writing anything, especially something like this, was preposterous.

“Are you not taking this serious, Robin?” Nancy asked, still laughing. There was a warm feeling blooming in her chest. It only ever seemed to be there when she was around Robin.

“I’m just considering all the options.”

“Of course.” Nancy looked at the table, Robin’s gaze too bright to take in for too long. It was like staring at the sun.

“Talking about options, what if it’s Keith? He’d pay off someone to drop it in your locker.”

“Robin, stop!” Nancy laughed. She didn’t want Robin to stop. She never wanted Robin to stop doing anything.

-

Dear secret admirer,

It seems to me it is a bit unfair that you are allowed to know my name while I have no idea who you are. I will admit that since I have received your first letter, I have been searching for you. But it would be so much easier if you simply told me your name. Perhaps then I can stare at you the say you stare at me. Maybe then I’ll feel like picking up a pencil or a camera.

It is unfair that you refuse me the opportunity to do so. And yet, I look forward to receiving your letters. Somehow, they make me feel seen, make me feel known and appreciated. Maybe I’m the one being silly now, but I feel like I know you too. I know you without knowing you. It feels weird. You make me feel. That is just it. You, anonymous letter writer, you make me feel. I’m forever grateful for that.

Nancy

Robin’s hands were shaking. How could they not? How could they ever stop? The letter had been hidden in the school’s copy of Dante’s Inferno. Robin should have suspected it. She gave Nancy one detail and the girl jumped on it.

She had to write back. She had to write something back. But her hands wouldn’t stop shaking. And she wasn’t sure what she could possibly write.

-

Dear Nancy,

You are right. It is completely unfair. But I can’t tell you who I am. If you want to know why, I’m afraid it’s an awfully simple answer. I am a coward.

What would you do if you knew my name? I could see it go badly. I do see it go badly, every night when I lay myself down to sleep. People often talk about dreaming about their true love. But when I dream of you it is never pleasant. I don’t like dreaming of you, Nancy. I prefer to watch you while I’m awake. It is only then I can imagine something good. Not that I know for sure what it is that I’m imagining. Maybe I don’t imagine at all. Maybe I just watch.

I’m sorry if this is a disappointment. But maybe not every question needs an answer. Maybe not every mystery needs to be solved. Maybe I can continue to hide in the shadows just this once.

Because I can’t see this ending well for me. And perhaps I should have never written you any letters in the first place. I’m not even sure why I did. I shouldn’t have done it.

“Typical me. I get something good and I need to scare it away.” Nancy fell down in front of Robin, throwing the latest letter on the table.

“Oh, what happened?”

“I wrote back and now they are saying it was a mistake.”

“Have you figured out who it might be? Because I was thinking—"

“It doesn’t matter anymore,” Nancy sighed. Maybe it really didn’t matter anymore. She looked at Robin’s fingers gripping the piece of paper.

“Okay,” Robin replied.

“Robin? Can I come over tonight?” Nancy slightly leaned forward.

-

“So, what are we doing tonight?” Robin fell on her bed. She looked much more at ease in her own room than she ever did in Nancy’s.

“Anything. I just wanted to be away from home for a bit. It gets too loud.”

Robin laughed. “It’s not like I can offer peace and quiet. I can never shut up.”

“I don’t want you to.” Nancy sat down on the bed, next to Robin.

“Be careful, Nance, you might start making me blush.”

“I’d love to see it.”

Robin turned away, fully turning into her pillow. Nancy wanted to grab her shoulders and pull her back. She didn’t need a secret admirer when she had Robin. Robin who gave up her free time to research anything and everything whenever Nancy asked. Robin who joined her to the library even when she had already finished her work. Robin who talked too much, Robin who listened.

Robin who was turning back toward her with a smile and a soft blush on her cheeks. Nancy leaned down, closer. She wasn’t sure what she was doing, but she knew she had to do it. Her lips brushed against Robin’s. Softly. Gently. She pressed slightly harder, truly kissing Robin for the first time. Robin’s body froze under Nancy.

“I’m sorry,” Nancy said when she pulled away.

“No, it’s okay. You’re good. I don’t mind. I liked it. I just— I have to— I’m gonna go to the bathroom for a second. I’ll be right back.” Robin jumped up, running out of the room as soon as possible and nearly tripping over her own feet multiple times.

Nancy groaned. She kept screwing things up. She turned her head toward the nightstand. A piece of paper lay there, lined and filled with words. She wasn’t going to look. Robin was entitled to her privacy. But Nancy saw her own name and she couldn’t resist.

Dear Nancy,

I know I have said that your beauty is not what drew me in, that it is your intellect and your curiosity, but that wasn’t entirely the truth. God, you’re so beautiful, Nancy. So incredibly beautiful. I want to

That’s all it said, stopping in the middle of the sentence. Nancy reread the paragraph. A second time and a third.

“I— I can explain,” Robin said, her voice disturbing Nancy from the many thoughts floating in her head.

“You wrote the letters. Of course, it was you.” She smiled as she closed the distance between them. This time when she kissed Robin, Robin kissed back. This time everything fell into place. Nancy slid her hands into Robin’s hair, holding her close. She never wanted to part from Robin again.

[squashwurmz]

ent. 2

today is saturday, aug 31, 2024.

i am home alone right now. i havent been keeping track on here much since i attempted to collect my thoughts writing actual pencil on paper, but today i found out my mom went through my room and found them! so.. we're back to tumblr <3

i think she went through my room cause she suspected i was smoking, and she might've found my stash, lol. i just wish she'd stay out of my business. i don't get why it's so hard to understand. 2 more years until i can get as far away as possible.

we had a fight a night or two ago and ive been kinda giving her the cold shoulder since. she tried to talk to me about it yesterday picking me up from school, but i reallyyy don't want to talk to her. i dont want to talk to any actual people about it. i dont like being home very much. i know im very priviledged, especially with having both parents. those were my private thoughts.

i miss my friends. the weekends are getting harder and harder to deal with. i honestly dont have much going on at school right now anyways. to me, its just time to spend with people who i can actually get along with.

i finally wrote my inquiry for my portfolio! it still needs some touching up, so i wont share it here yet :P fun news is that we're gonna start actually working on stuff soon so yay!!!

i also decided i dont really want to go to homecoming, so i might just spend the night with one of my other friends. we'll see, since tickets are sooooo expensive!! $120!! i hate here lollolooll

anyways, thats it for now. bye bye!!

[alisheaburgess]

Dev Diaries: Day 9- Setting a good base!

Dev Diaries, Masterlist

June 5, 2023

Okie dokie!

Today, my goal is to finish up the UX Prototyping course. It's a bit boring because I'm not planning on using these programs myself. I want a good understanding of the basics of most programs though. It's probably a ✨sparkle worry ✨ issue, but hey. I did see a lot of posts and content by UX designers saying that they wish they knew more programs. It makes sense to me, but I love learning. 😋

I'll probably get in a HMTL and/or CSS course today. I did the math...it's about 40+ hours of video time between the two courses. That's a lot. I want to make sure I really absorb it so I'm gonna take a bit longer. I don't plan on finishing them this week, that is for sure. I'm going for balance this month, no cramming! 😅😂

I am going to start my first portfolio project today!!! I don't know which one I'm gonna do yet, but I'm gonna do it! I'll probably find a challenge somewhere first, maybe. Even if it doesn't make it to my portfolio, it will be good practice. I have a project of sorts that I was working on, but I'm not sure it would work for this. It will take awhile to get done though, so I'll be doing it along with the other projects.

The AI got to me!

So, you know how I said I was gonna get seduced by the AI dev classes... They found me, and I think I'm a goner. 😋😁 I wanna take courses that discuss it but don't cover any coding yet. Like I said yesterday, I need to know what it's gonna do before I learn how.

I'm also looking at Learning Experience Design. This is something I've always been interested. Might as well take a course on it while it's available. Try it on for size, if you will...

P.S. I'm not sure I like having a list of things I'm "supposed" to do each day. I have tried it a couple times and it feels like a demand (no bueno) and I have more fun when it's just written about instead...😊

I have a list of things I wanna get done eventually and that tend to work better. Making a daily list just adds too much to do. Little lists tend to turn into big lists no matter what I do. If I make something bite size, I just take bigger bites...

Here's to code snacking! 😂🥰

[kabillieu]

I don't have a lot to say. I miss my cat. He was like (loud) furniture, just there for 17 years, and now he's gone. I'll get used to it, I guess.

I took my kid to therapy this morning. I'm wearing my black jumpsuit. I ordered a pair of brown penny loafers because my brain is sad. I have all the work of Monday before me, and I haven't started yet.

Last night I made coconut-braised chicken thighs with potatoes and green peas, which we had over rice with steamed broccoli. Everyone liked it, and I'm looking forward to leftovers for lunch.

I'll make shrimp-fried rice tonight with the rice leftover from yesterday's dinner. I'll make some frozen panko shrimp and yum yum sauce to go with it. My house is moderately clean. There was less cat hair everywhere when I vacuumed yesterday, which was sad but also good.

I need to take a walk today and do some reading and start the essay for my first comps portfolio. I'm taking a 1:1 poetry tutorial class this semester because in addition to everything else I'm doing I really need to complete the manuscript I've been working on for the past 3-4 years. I snatch 10-30 minutes out of every day to write absolute drivel and gibberish, but at least I'm writing something.

R is walking-walking now, tottering around everywhere. It's very cute. He pooped six times yesterday, which seems insane. And they were normal poops, so he's not sick.

I feel awful, like who's going to do this Monday for me and take care of my family and do all this PhD work? I think probably I just need to eat an early lunch and just be okay with a slow start to the workweek, because that's what's happening anyway.

[doingbettereveryday]

Productive Sunday

Before starting:

Alright, I got a few things knocked off the list yesterday, and I plan on using the same system today. Before I get started, I’ve got to get ready, walk my dog, and find some form of caffeine (might convince a friend to go to the dining hall with me). I want to at least get 1) my epic poem, 2) my comic script, and 3) my poet presentation done today.

The list:

Wash face/Brush teeth/Get Dressed

Walk and feed the child

Get food/Caffine

Work on script for 3 hours

Read 20 pages of volsungs

4 pages of epic poem

Weekly Fiction journal 12

Organize Poet Presentation

Weekly Screenwriting journal 13

Work on Imitation for 3 hours

Finish comic script in 3 hours

20 pages of volsungs

Weekly Fiction journal 13

Outline essay on fiction

Chapter 4 part 2 Spanish notes

Fine arts homework sheet

Key:

Personal

Screenwriting 1

Fiction 1

Epic poetry

Poetry 2

Spanish 1010

Fine Arts

After:

I didn’t get my comic script finished today, but honestly, I’m okay with that. Screenwriting isn’t until Tuesday so I have I little more time. But Epic Poetry and Poetry 2 are tomorrow so I really needed to get to my 20 page mark on my epic and get my presentation set up with links and some semblance of order. I also just realized that I only have like 2 weeks to get my final portfolio together for Poetry 2 and it needs to be 10-12 poems showing their first and final drafts. I have a solid 5? that are ready. On top of that, I really need to have my Fiction imitation done by the end of the week and start on my craft essay. Did I mention I need to have my comic script done by Tuesday??? Anyway, enough freaking out. Time for bed. (Also, saw a big snake outside of my dorm today. Pretty cool.)

[cdevroe]

Making Tuff improvements

My approach to building Tuff, my static site generator that I began working on last November, was to jump in as quickly as possible by publishing my personal website publicly very early in the development process. Doing so forced me to make rapid improvements and to focus on the most important features.

By spending 5am to 7am most weekday mornings I was able to publish my entire website publicly within 14 days of starting to code and I wrote a short blurb on how Tuff works within 30. Considering that my personal site has a portfolio, podcast, and thousands of blog posts I was surprised by that timeline.

As a quick aside, this 5am to 7am time slot for coding personal projects did not appear on my typical day post from January 2021 because I wasn't doing it then. As I get older I find myself waking earlier and earlier. Rather than blow all of that time on YouTube (I love my YouTube) I decided, just a few weeks after that post, to begin working on personal projects instead. I've done a lot of programming, photography, and side hustle business during these early morning sessions over the last two years and I hope to continue. Waking early and being productive feels like a super power.

Development on Tuff has not stopped. I've been chipping away at improvements to this website, the efficiency of the build process, and adding the capability to build multiple websites. As you can see in the changelog, each release brings a few small improvements but they begin to add up over time.

One feature that I've missed the most since switching to Tuff for my personal website has been search, which I finished a first version of yesterday.

In very early January, just a month or so into development, I added a local command line search command to Tuff to help me find posts in my archive. It works pretty well and I continue to use this to help me find older posts. But I knew I needed to add on site search so that visitors to my site could do some basic searching. I wasn't sure how I was going to go about it statically. Should I build a client side search forcing the visitor of the site to download some large index? Should I use a third party tool? Should I do what many have done and push people to a search engine?

I thought, don't be dogmatic about building static. Most modern content management systems are full of bloat, load too much unnecessary junk on the page, and have far more features than most people need for a personal site. It is why I decided to build Tuff to begin with. But that doesn't mean I have to get all self righteous about server-side code and only publish HTML, CSS, and JavaScript. I can sprinkle in some server-side code where it makes sense.

That is why I'm now calling Tuff a Static+ Site Generator. S+SG. Is this a thing? I don't know. Don't forget, in my original building Tuff post I mentioned that I never looked at other static site generators. And I still haven't. I'm oblivious to best practices.

As of today, I use Tuff to build three sites; this site you're reading now, a private local network website that showcases over 100,000 of our family photos by date, and a new static site for The Watercolor Gallery that I hope to finish before the end of the year. In addition to that I'd like to begin working on publishing Stripe Transfer, Stupid, and at least three other websites that I've yet to debut with it.

Tuff is now a tool I plan to use for the rest of my computing life (see also). I love it.

[rindevlog]

Erm... hellor gerys... it's rin here... BACK WITH ANOTHER DEVLOG RAHHHHHHHHHHHHH although this time I don't have screenshots because it's mostly coding work. I'm following this one tutorial that is easy enough (I think) and I'm starting to understand godot much easier. After all, my most efficient learning environment is essentially throwing myself into the ocean ;3

So... the place I interviewed in said they're probably gonna call me today or yesterday... but nothin........ I'm scared chat... PLEASE GIVE ME A JOB AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I saw somewhere that applying for jobs in itself is also a full-time job, and it can't be any more truthful bro... I do wanna do some art commissions and stuff but I don't have a portfolio/showcase yet, and I don't wanna start just yet because I want to do it in my free time when things are more stable. Such an annoying paradox man.

Anyways, for today, Sept 23. 2024, like I said in the first part, it's mostly coding work. I also updated the dialogue UI so that the npc icon isn't there anymore; something very miniscule but I didn't find it necessary so I just removed it. I added buttons for the dialogue options, I also added another npc called catman with his own dialogue and stuff. Honestly there's not too much work left (I think) for the dialogue, since I already have a document outlining pretty much everything. Although I need to figure out so that I don't need mouse button, keyboard is enough. I also need to implement some sort of inventory system, but something as simple as just an array is fine I think.

Tomorrow, more job-hunting, more resume editing, and more gamedev work. With 2 days left on my self-imposed deadline, I need to have lots done tomorrow. I'm planning on finishing the dialoge/quest tutorial (both in the same video) and then do my own iterations based on them. Like I said, the inventory can just be an array/dictionary of like "apple" : "true" or something. I'm hoping it doesn't take too long, and the rest of the work is just putting in the resources for the quest outline such as dialogue and stuff.

Today was quite fulfilling! I did some chores, applied to jobs, did a lot of gamedev work, and even played league! ALL IN THE SAME DAY!!! AND YET... I STILL FEEL LIKE I WAS LAZY THROUGHOUT THE DAY... I can never escape the cycle... Anyways, that's it for me for now, see ya!

[mirrorballwhoistrying]

Hot Summer Nights, End of July (27.07.24)

Hold up! I should have started writing this in the morning to dump my thoughts. It's the middle of the day now and my thoughts got fuzzy. I'd try to get it done!

July is done in a few days and I think I should have written down something because it's been what a month.

So let me recall what happened in this one month. At the end of June, I went to shoot a video for Ud for Marugame. I also invited Samphors too. It was a cute little reunion.

The surprise that got me the most was receiving the email that I've been shortlisted for an AAS interview! I knew that was going to change the trajectory of my July.

The first week of July, I dedicated the time to preparing for an interview with WeduShare about my experience during YSEALI. I did okay I guess, there were some parts I should have listed down to talk about during that time but it was my first time! They were very caring as well.

That weekend I also prepared for additional video shooting for 606 as well. I did the props and set up and shot the video. I also met up with Knk and Ps to start the preparation for AAS. It was an exhausting week.

the 2nd week, I got to meet with Roger for the 2nd time for his visit this time! I also met with STHDA and LOR. It was a cute and fun reunion.

I spent the 2nd week editing the videos for the program. It was really time-consuming I supposed. I also got the go on a 3rd date with someone. He was really great but I just wonder does he looks only for fun or something serious.

The panic kicked back in on the 3rd week. I only started drafting answers for the interview this week! I did a mock interview with my coach. It was fine, but I knew I didn't do my best. Then there was also another training with 606, and I got to meet up again with PS and KNK. That was the start of real preparation, we met 3-4 times and I could feel my answers for the interview got better every time. It was also a different experience of course. It was polishing every answer.

There came the interview yesterday morning. I never had an interview this early at 8:30 AM. I also glammed up at 5:30 for the interview. It was okay, but I feel like I didn't answer with the energy and charisma I knew I could! Was it because of the lack of sleep?

I slept at 1 the night before and I could feel that I really lacked some energy. There's nothing I can do about it now but it's still going through my head.

I was quite anxious about my preparation for the interview day, but then one mindset set me up so much better. It was about being authentic. I've lived my life battling with the concept. If I was being genuine about my intention and still wasn't chosen, then maybe it wasn't meant to be? The panelists were also elder people who just wanted to know about my stories and my motivation and really wanted me to win.

The most important of all, life goes on, if I've been chosen or not, I still need to work on my goals and projects. They're not going do itself.

So what's my plan now? I'm going to start building my portfolio to lead up to my establishing my agency, at the same time building up PPUB as well.

This time, I don't care about other people's opinions, I'm going to try my best, even if I don't succeed, I still won't regret.

[sesmantelar]

yesterday was a really, really good ice day. the ice with silky smooth, and I did a full hour of properly warming up. my ice dances were really, really strong and I feel that if I continue at this rate and keep warming up/doing off ice, I will be able to start testing my dances next week! I can't wait to advance in ice dance because it truly is so fun. like yesterday while doing canasta tango, it literally felt like I was on a fun rollercoaster. I have unlocked a new level of joy through ice dance. I find it much more fun than freestyle. I can't wait to skate tonight. I want to go to my home rink as "warm up" and finish up for another hour or so at the next rink. as much ice time as possible, as little time online as possible>>> I'm working, and going to look at some schoolwork. I have to see a gallerist tomorrow. and lastly, I need to start dedicating more time to the harp. this weekend: creating art, exercising, deep stretches and mobility, hours of ice time, some ballet technique work, at least two hours of harp practice, completing or getting near to completing my art pieces, creating art content again! this weekend I must start posting artwork once again! and in fact, I might delete my old art account and start a new one, so when I post to tiktok I also post reels. last but definitely not least, I must read and also update my art portfolio. time to move my life forward. oh and I found a travel assignment in NYC! I submitted today, and I'm praying I get the offer and then if I do get my condition (no thursdays), I hope to earn enough to fly in and out every week but if not, every other week. 2024 - weightloss, rhinoplasty and brows, orthodontic work, getting my condo, significant hair growth (and thickness), professional skincare treatments, fixed toe (yikes), professional artist/jobs, webtoon artist, harpist, gold level figure skater and higher level ice dancer, therapy/journaling/reprogramming my entire mind/deep shadow work, living and working in NYC with my best friend, travel just as regularly, making big girl money, private artistry and choreo coach, private spins and jumps coach, ice dance technique coach, lots of in person and online off ice training.

december 1st 2023

[marmorenshud]

kept being pulled away from studio for parties and lectures and whatever. and like I don't regret it I loved going to those parties and lectures etc but I'm just so fucking behind on my work schedule. at this point idek if I'll get 2 works done, and my schedule was already packed/ambitious before I got behind. and I should probably just accept that I will be doing a gap year so that I don't have to have a portfolio for march but like. I haven't made that decision fully yet and also i still have exams and bachelor project to hand in so like. I'm screaming. Hope I can make up time in the following weeks but idk

yesterday I was finally done with lectures and all that, and thought I really need to start on multiple projects, not just one at a time, so I can pull ahead and then. 6 am today I fucking threw up. so now I'm staying home because it hurts so bad that I can't lie on my side. 🙃

[100dayproductivity]

81/100.

Uggh. Tumblrrr!! I haven't posted in days!

It's not that I haven't been productive. I have. I've been very busy with work and I don't need this 100 dop challenge for paid work. It's the at-home chores and being productive on days off that I struggle with. I have nothing pressing scheduled for today, which means I've got all kinds of time today for things like laundry, yardwork, dishes, decluttering, deep cleaning, one of my many "projects", etc, etc, etc... But do I feel any motivation at all to do any of it? Nope, none at all.

I don't even feel like making a to-do list today.

I have been continuing with my foray into text-to-image AI. I am using Night Café now and they have daily "challenges", which I have been entering daily. Here's my entry for the day-before-yesterday's challenge. The theme was "wizards and warlocks".

I really feel like being productive in some capacity right now, but not doing boring chores. I want to make some sort of progress wrt my financial situation right now, I think.

The situation is that I don't quite earn enough money with my current gig and I will need to earn just a bit more in the near future to meet all my expenses. I just need another gig, another piece that will dovetail into my current schedule. I'm just not sure what that piece is.

I really would like something I can do from home, on my laptop, on a flexible schedule. I have some skills that are marketable, I think. And other skills that are not marketable but potentially could be if I hone them a bit.

I was thinking that I'd really like to tap into my hyper-local market. I can leverage my personal and professional neighbourhood network.

And so then I was thinking that probably in order to do that it would probably be a good idea to have my own website. I don't mean like a Tumblr blog, I mean my very own website.

I had already started down the path of learning how to use WordPress some time ago, and I even got my own domain and got my first very own blog up and running! It was supposed to be my hobby blog, a means to explore my hobby whilst simultaneously learning to use WordPress. However, I sort of got sidetracked with Tumblr as my hobby blog place and my very-own blog has been sorely neglected. I think it no longer has a raison d'être.

I also seem to have fallen off the wagon for trying to learn to use WordPress.

I'm thinking I want my own website in order to be like a portfolio of sorts, to showcase what I am learning. Like, I have the basics of WordPress down, building my own site with WordPress would show that I do. And this AI stuff I'm learning, I could have a blog section to post about what I'm learning and how my knowledge of prompt writing is progressing. I also have eons of experience with MS Office Suite, though I need to brush up on the newest features. It's changed a lot over the years.

Idk, I'm thinking I want my own, non-anonymous, semi-professional, personal online hub that I can refer people to and that can evolve with me.

My WordPress hobby-blog was initially a way for me to learn how it all works, buying a domain and publishing a site and all that. I kept the cost super cheap. I was hesitant to spring for a "proper" site until I "knew what I was doing". I think I need to graduate myself from newb status and accept that I now have enough knowledge to publish my own professional-looking site!

Also, I think I'm starting to see all the obstacles I'm putting in front of myself. For example, I think one fear I have is that if I have my own site and share it with my network, I'll suddenly be fielding all kinds of requests for jobs I don't want to do or don't know how to do or don't have time in my schedule to do. Another fear is that I'll have to come up with regular blog posts or updates about what professional skills I can offer or am learning. Also, I get all twisted up when I begin to think about how I would potentially offer services. Like, do I need to figure out how to set up forms or what-not to receive payment??

Omg, stahhhp!! I'm making this far more complicated than it has to be! It doesn't need to be a fancy site with all the bells and whistles. It can literally be a static one-page resume-style site with a link to my LinkedIn profile. That's it! That's all it has to be! And then I can add to it as I go along. I could add a link to my pet-sitting profile (on a third-party website) and be like, "to hire me for this, go here". Then I could do the same for other specific jobs. Like, set up a Fiverr profile for specific tasks and then link to it. Or Upwork or whatever. Something like that. But I'd only turn on my availability for these other tasks during slow season for petcare. That way I won't be fielding requests when I don't have time for them.

Yep, that's the direction I think I want to take. I think I was just getting way ahead of myself. First I need a hub that's my own, then figure out what kinds of services I want to offer, then I can promote my services to my network and send them to my hub. Eventually I'd love to be able to work remotely, anytime anywhere, and my hub will come with me.

So what's the first step?

I think first I need to revisit my WordPress hobby-blog and decide what I want to do with it.

Thanks Tumblr. Good talk. 🤜🤛

[sesmantelar]

staying late at work today - it unintentionally happened but I have four ish weeks until my next vacation. I just sold my sectional yesterday because it was way too big/wide for my dollhouse, and I used the cash to order a new couch (more like a loveseat, but I think it's perfect and the perfect size for my dollhouse). My apartment feels like it has way more space in it now so hopefully I will not feel inclined to stash hella stuff on the couch. It feels like I can now move around and breathe for the first time in forever, and I'm kind of excited to redecorate a little bit. Considering adding another large faux plant to the living area, as well as my harp once it arrives/a little music section. Good thing about my pedal harp is that it won't be an eyesore and it serves the energy of my dollhouse: angelic, feminine, grand, elegant, quiet, melodious, harmonious.

either way, I have no choice but to detach from my wants and prioritize my needs - I need to take two weeks off to travel, take gorgeous photos, make amazing connections and also relax/recuperate when I return before my summer contract - and when I start the summer contract I want to be in a much better place. I need to hit my savings goal for the year (a large chunk of the money I want to be sat on prior to leaving for switzerland next summer/fall). I need to have the majority of my debt paid off - meaning continuing to snowball (which I have been very consistent with lately) and continue chipping away at the larger amounts. I need to start my degree on july 1st, and when I do I need the majority of the tuition to be handled so I don't have to worry about budgeting all over again. I need to. I need to be able to allocate ALL of my spare funds towards self improvement - learning my pedal harp very well, advancing my figure skating, saving and depositing money for my grad school in europe next fall, getting my procedures finally done, building my travel portfolio.

I have sooo much to get in order but I genuinely do feel as though I'm taking the steps in the right direction - especially as it pertains to snowballing my debt. Now, regardless of how I feel, I never touch the credit cards. I will use them again once they are all paid in full (including the bigger card), but only to continue rebuilding my credit. Hopefully I can have a really good travel credit card by next year. I think the little over a year I have remaining is plenty of time to reach all the goals I previously set for myself.

Tomorrow I likely will wake up early to stretch, get ready, go to the rink closest to my job, skate four an hour, break my fast and then go to work for 14 ish hours. I need to be in the "montage" mode again so I can get to the point where I want to be. Amazing things are coming my way if I just maintain my discipline.

I will be paying off the hold for my previous college this coming week so I put off my filler touchup appointment - I just feel like if I get my priorities in order, I will be able to really enjoy indulging and treating myself once my cash isn't so tied up. Sigh because it's all in the name of improving myself and situation for future me.

Lastly, I FINALLY finished my carrd for my social media and started posting art again. I plan on posting art on here too once I have some more pieces completed, framesand my apartment together. I want my whole aesthetic and personal brand to finally flourish this summer. This feels like a new beginning.

I feel like I haven't touched on everything I could touch on in this entry but I'm here late so I will be updating as the night goes on :)

[madamevirgo]

The Start Of Us

Pairing: Scarlett Johansson x reader

Summary: You’re a marketing intern for The Outset and you catch the eye of one Scarlett Johansson.

Warnings: none?

Words: 2051

A/N: The Outset inspired story you didn’t know you needed. Welcome to my first published series! I sat down yesterday feeling inspired and wrote about 5 chapters - nevermind the 4 assignments I have due this Friday, lol. The goal is to have 10-12 parts to this story and publish a chapter weekly. This will allow me to have at least two chapters sitting in my drafts in case I get too busy or lack inspiration. All the parts are around 2-3k words. I will also be posting this on my wattpad, so follow me there to get notified when I post (@Bellice15), or you can follow my personal hashtag ‘#MadameVirgoWrites’ to keep up with my updates on here. I don’t think it’s necessary for me to have a taglist at this point of my writing journey, and still need to make a masterlist. As always, feedback is great motivation and if you have any ideas of things you’d like to see in this story, comment them so I can be inspired. Happy reading! 

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist 

As a college student, it was hard to decide when the worst time of the year was; but right now, if I had to pick one, it would have to be the period between spring and summer break. That moment where you spend your time either looking for internships or student jobs and struggling to keep up with your assignments and exams; the countless hours spent on LinkedIn and with your nose in the books, questioning if you made the right career choice. I had lost count of how many cover letters I had written and how many organizations I had sent my resume to. Eventually, I had stopped being picky and simply started applying to things I was remotely qualified for. 

Beggars can’t be choosers, the saying goes. Job searching was a very humbling experience. It was a Friday night, around 11 pm. The rest of my friends would be several vodka shots deep by now, but here I was, sitting in front of my computer. A headache was starting to form itself, either from the stress, exhaustion or the blue light of my computer screen to which I had been exposed for 12 consecutive hours today. If I had to guess, I would say all three. I was close to giving up, resigning myself to the fact that I’d probably have to work an unsavoury retail job this summer - if I even got that lucky - when suddenly my laptop chimed with an incoming email.

Dear Y/n L/n,

After reviewing multiple applicants over the last few weeks, we are pleased to inform you that your portfolio has stood out to us the most. We would like to invite you to an in-person interview and further discuss the position of ‘paid marketing intern’ with you in the following week. Please reply to this email with your availability. 

We look forward to meeting you,

Kate Foster Lengyel

Co-Founder & CEO of ‘The Outset’

I re-read the email a few times to make sure it wasn’t a fragment of my imagination. To be fair, I didn’t remember applying for this position or company. But reading the onboarding kit, it seemed like the internship of my dreams, although the website explained that it was a new company which left me a bit hesitant. This wouldn’t be the first time I fell for a scam like that. Sending a silent prayer to the universe, I emailed back. 

                                     --------------------------------

A week later, the uber dropped me off in front of a large three-storey modern warehouse in the business district. Taking a deep breath, I stepped into the building. Although the outside was beautiful, the inside was magical. The glass windows allowed the light to flow beautifully inside the building. The decor allowed minimalism and comfort to blend comfortably, and the soft music playing in the background seemed to harmonize perfectly with the sound of people talking and walking around. I was so in awe that I didn’t see a blond woman with a friendly smile approaching me. 

“Hi! You seem a bit lost. Can I help you, dear?” I looked in the direction where the voice had come from, and I felt heat rushing to my face. 

“Oh, uh yeah. Sorry. I have a meeting with Kate Foster Lengyel? It’s about the marketing intern position.” her eyes seemed to light up at that and her smile brightened if that was even possible. I breathed a sigh of relief. 

“Y/n L/n?” I nodded at that. “I’m Kate Foster! I’m so glad you could make it, please follow me, dear.” I nodded and followed her up to the third level into an office that seemed to overlook the entire warehouse. Once I was seated, she offered me a drink which I refused. I was too nervous to accept and didn’t want to risk emptying the content of my stomach in front of my potential employer. 

“You seem nervous dear. There’s no need to be. Scarlett and I both went over your application and you stood out to us. The job is already yours, to be frank, we simply wanted to have you over as a formality and to make things official by signing some papers.” she explained while she sipped on her coffee. I nodded before something she said stood out to me.

“Scarlett?” I said in confusion. 

“What do you know about our company, Y/n?” she asked after a moment of hesitation. I didn’t know much to be honest. When I received the email asking for a meeting I briefly looked over the website and what the requirements of my role were. I told her as such. “Well, to explain quickly, the idea of The Outset came to Scarlett and me during the pandemic and we pretty much created it during that time, through FedEx and lots of Zoom calls. We, as in, me and Scarlett Johansson,” she said this and looked carefully for a reaction on my part. 

Of course, I knew who Scarlett Johansson was. I wasn’t much of a Marvel fan myself but I’ve seen all of the movies and some of her other projects. I was admirative of her work but I wouldn’t go as far as calling myself a fan. 

“If you're worried about me being a crazy fan, let me put you at ease right now, Ms. Foster. I will be nothing but professional during my time here.” I was quick to reassure her. Satisfied with my answer, we proceeded with the meeting. She guided me through some contracts that I signed and explained or clarified some things. 

“So that concludes the boring part. You’ll be working with the marketing team, under the supervision of our Marketing Coordinator - Lily, and reporting directly to her. I can introduce you since we’re done here. We launched yesterday, so we’re pretty busy - which means lots of work for you. Things have been crazy and we only expect it to get worse, which is a good thing. Of course, if you need anything, we’re all a big family and anyone will be able to help you. And here is the marketing department!” She pushes a glass sliding door and I am met with a vast space with lots of desktops placed in different corners of the office space that was easily 8 times the size of my one-bedroom apartment. In the center of the office was a room which was surrounded by glass doors - it appeared to be the meeting room as I could see people sitting in there while a woman was presenting something. She seemed to be done however as they all got up and left. Kate caught her eyes and she made her way towards us with a smile. 

“Hi Kate, who’s your friend?” she asked, looking at me curiously. 

“This is your new marketing intern, Y/n L/n. Y/n this is Lily, our marketing coordinator and your supervisor. I’ll leave you in her capable hands so she can show you around. I’ll see you Monday morning, yeah?” she waved and then she was gone. As today was Friday, we had agreed that I would start Monday morning, this would give me enough time to go over anything Lily would need me to know. 

“I’m really happy to have you with us Y/n. Come on, I’ll get you acquainted with our side of the office before we get into the boring stuff. You can tell me about yourself while I show you around.” 

                                -------------------------------------------

Lily showed me around the warehouse just so I could get familiarized with the different departments in case I needed to interact with them. She mostly focused on our side of things, though. She showed me the company’s cafeteria which was located on the first floor of the building while our department was on the second. The entire building was very modern and vast. I also got to know Lily well and it seemed like we would get along fabulously. She had graduated from my college with the same degree I was pursuing. She is also only a few years older than me - 25 to my 21 years old. 

I left the office with lots of paperwork to prepare me for the upcoming week and felt incredibly grateful. I spent the weekend working over said paperwork and getting familiar with the projects we were working on and events for the coming weeks. I would be shadowing Lily while doing tasks for anyone from the marketing team who needed it. By the time Monday came, I felt prepared, albeit a bit nervous. Although this was an internship and not much was expected from me other than to learn fast and execute tasks even faster, I wanted to prove my worth. I was doing some market research when I heard a knock on my door, I looked up to see Lily. 

“Hey! The car is here to take us to the photoshoot. Once you wrap up here, we can leave.” I told her I’d only be second and she nodded before leaving. I quickly packed the company-issued iPad and grabbed my bag before making my way to the car. 

“So everything was in the folder I sent you, but basically, we’re meeting Scarlett on site and making sure the photoshoot and interview follow the vision we have for the brand. We’ll also be taking some content, so there's that. Any questions?”

“How can I be as effective as possible during and after?” 

“Just have the project folder on hand so you can make sure we’re on track and take notes on what’s happening. You’ll be making a report for the end of the week. Try to be as detailed as possible and don’t be afraid to voice any concerns or ideas you may have.” she hesitated for a second before looking at me. “Have you met Scarlett before?” She asked, making me giggle.

“If you’re worried about me freaking out, I won’t. What is she like?” I wanted to know just so I could be prepared if she were an airhead and blur of designer and arrogance.

“She’s cool and laid back. Not at all a diva since I know you’re wondering. But I guess you’ll see for yourself. You’re a better person than me, it took some time for me to get over the fact that I was working with THE Black Widow. Come on, we’re here.” We quickly got out of the vehicle. We were early so we could go over some things with the videographer and other people on the project. Once Scarlett was ready we began the real work. 

Watching her in action was a different kind of experience. It was even better than seeing her on the big screen, and I finally understood why she was so loved and admired by so many across the world. I didn’t interact with her directly, but I could see how she behaved with the technicians and people around her. Always with a smile on her face, quick to laugh and make others laugh. She was easy to work with and in turn, that made everyone’s job easier and more enjoyable. I did my work and would alert Lily of any issues or points that were missing or not done correctly. By the time 3 pm rolled around, we were wrapping up and getting ready to leave. 

“Great work today Y/n, I’m impressed,” said Lily, before squeezing my shoulder. 

“Lily!” we both turned at that to see the woman of the hour (when wasn’t she) approaching us.

“Scar! Hey! You were fantastic.” she said, pulling her into a hug. 

“Thanks, honey. Who’s this?” she directed her attention at me and I felt heat rush up to my face. 

“This is Y/n L/n our new marketing intern. Y/n you know our co-founder and CEO, Scarlett.” Scarlett and I shook hands, but we quickly broke contact when we felt static shock.

“What an electric meeting. Glad to have you join the family Y/n. Your application stood out to Kate and me.” She said kindly, making me smile shyly before thanking her. I was pulled away by a technician and quickly excused myself. Although I was happy that people were already relying on me, I couldn’t help but feel saddened by being pulled away from Scarlett.

Part 2

Join this series’ Taglist