#big bro emmett cullen

[theasgardianmexican]

“Shitshitshitshit” Bella muttered. This is just great, fucking perfect timing. She heard a soft knock on the door

“You okay?” Edward called out “Not to be weird, but you’ve been in there longer than usual.”

“Uh, it’s fine.” Bella stared at her blood stain on her panties. Brand new fuckin’ panties. She leaned over, praying to whatever God was out there and checked the bathroom drawers. Of course, they were empty. Vampires can’t have periods, idiot.

Bella was usually pretty good about keeping track of her period, keeping a box of pads in her car or one in her bag. She ran out last month and just kept forgetting to restock; it was on her to-do list and she thought she had enough time. Especially since her period app told her she wasn’t due until next week. She could hear some commotion outside the door, it sounded like the Cullen siblings hushed fighting.

“Can one of you just check Carlisle’s office or something?” Edward asked, coming back from the hallway “I don’t need Jasper’s ability to tell how embarrassed she is right now.”

“Ah yes, let me just raid our father’s office for some menstrual products that I’m definitely sure he has” Rosalie rolled her eyes “Your her partner! Not to mention her vampiric partner! You couldn’t tell she was due?”

Jasper snorted “For having the worst case of vampire blue balls, you’d think you’d notice any change in her scent. Hell, I smelled it the moment y’all pulled into the driveway. It’s hard to ignore. Old blood is still blood.”

“Maybe don’t let Bella know you could smell that, I guess it’s a sensitive topic for women.” Alice murmured. Edward looked over to her, silently asking for her help “Don’t look at me, I don’t even remember having a period!”

Emmett sighed as he stood up “Y’all are ridiculous, we could’ve already helped Bella with the amount of time we’ve spent bickering about it.” He took off upstairs towards his and Rosalie’s bedroom.

The rest of the Cullen siblings looked at each other in confusion “I didn’t think he would get that upset about this.” Rosalie commented.

Jasper cocked his head to the side. Emmett wasn’t upset, he would’ve known. There was an aura of annoyance and concern, but tinged with another emotion he couldn’t place. It felt familiar somehow, he knew he had sensed it before.

Out of all the Cullen siblings, Emmett was the one who experienced and embraced the full scale of, what was once human, emotions. Carlisle was always cool and collected, Esme radiated contentment, Edward was always slightly panicked, Rosalie was ever annoyed, and Alice...well Alice could be unpredictable sometimes.

Edward’s ears perked up as he heard Emmett come back down the stairs towards the hallway bathroom. Bella heard another soft knock on the door “Edward, I’m almost out, I swear!” She called out, not breaking her focus of creating a pad out of toilet paper. It was rudimentary, but desperate times and whatever.

“Hey, Baby B?”

“Emmett?” There was rustling and then she saw something sliding out from the door. “Oh thank fuck” Bella breathed out. She leaned over and picked up the pad from the floor, the plastic wrapper crinkling in her hands.

“I didn’t know if you used pads, but I got some tampons too if you used those instead?” Emmett asked. She felt her eyes water up slightly at the concern in his voice. “No, Em, this is great. You’re a lifesaver, thank you!”

Emmett smiled, pride swelling in his chest “I got you, sis. We’re in the living room when you’re all done. Also I know you, don’t start on that I’m an embarrassed human who gets embarrassed about normal human things” He mimicked her, putting on a high pitched voice.

He walked back to his siblings after hearing Bella laugh. He looked up to find 4 pairs of eyes staring at him. He looked around confused. “What?”

“Dude what was that?” Edward asked.

“What was what?” “Where did you get those?” Rosalie looked up at him “Wait, how long have you been keeping pads and tampons in our bathroom?”

Emmett thought back for a moment “After a month of having Bells around. Mainly after I was sure that Ed-boy wouldn’t drain her dry.” That earned him a punch in the shoulder from Edward. “I mean, why would you have them anyway?”

“Once I realized that Eddie was gonna be preoccupied on how to bone Bella without killing her” smack “OW! I got some just in case she forgot, she’s pretty good about keeping track, so I never thought she would have to use them until now, I guess.” He was still met with skepticism and confusion.

Emmett sighed and rubbed the back of his neck “I had little sisters and I always made sure they had their monthly supplies.”

Rosalie smiled softly and took his hand into hers. She knew how much it still hurt Emmett to talk about the family he had to leave behind. “Ma and Pa had them working on the farm and keeping focus on their studies, this was something I could help them with. I would even make sure to save a little extra at the end of the month to buy them a little piece of chocolate, I overheard Ma talking about how it would make them feel better once.” A fond smile tugged at the corner of Emmett’s mouth.

Fondness, Jasper realized. He was sensing fondness coming from his brother. Emmett was the only one of them that had sisters when he was turned. Well, Alice wasn’t sure if she had siblings at all. “Bella’s family now, so I wanna make sure she’s comfortable with us. And you” He jabbed a finger playfully at Edward “need to start paying attention to that shit if you really wanna keep Baby B human. Just because you’ve been alive longer doesn’t mean you aren’t still younger than me. At least my frontal lobe was more developed before I got turned.” Jasper snorted at that little dig.

Edward closed his eyes and sighed in resignation “Yeah, yeah you’re right.” Hearing the bathroom door creak open, they whipped their heads over to Bella. She wiped her hands on her jeans and looked up, startled, noticing the attention on her “You know I don’t think I’ll ever get used to you guys staring at me like that.” She grinned “Thanks again, Em.”

He matched her grin “No worries, sis.”

[panlight]

What do you think Peter’s (and Charlotte) initial reaction was to meeting Alice vs the meeting both Alice and Jasper with The Cullens?

Peter and Charlotte seem, for the most part, to just sort of roll with Jasper's strange associates. Like, sure. This might as well be a thing. At least he's not spiraling in depression.

Alice was probably A Lot at first. I always think about how vampires are "socialized" or not. Jasper, Peter and Charlotte all came from the background of newborn armies, they were raised initially to believe that the world was just constant vampire war and the smartest thing to do was ally yourself with someone powerful. They eventually learned that was a lie, but it's going to shape them. They also all 'grew up' among a bunch of other newborns, most of whom didn't survive their first year. Charlotte nearly didn't survive hers.

Then there's Alice, who awoke alone, and was 'raised' by visions of Jasper, sure, but also visions of the Cullens and her future family life there.

When Peter and Charlotte meet her she's probably already got golden eyes and is dressed in nice clothes that she bought with money she earned some way or another and it's probably Very Weird but hey they're happy for Jasper even if the idea of going without human blood sounds impossible. I think the guide says that Charlotte enjoyed Jasper's company a lot more after he found Alice and wasn't so depressed, so there's that.

In Midnight Sun they seem to like the Cullens well enough even if they think their diet might slowly drive them insane, especially Edward, who was "so normal and pleasant last time" and is flailing around like one of those inflatable tube man things in Twilight/MS trying to keep Bella from getting bitten by spiders or hit by a meteor. But the first meeting was probably also Very Weird. I think of Jane's comment in Eclipse of like "it's nice to meet you Carlisle, I thought Aro was exaggerating," and it was probably similar with Peter and Charlotte. I mean here was Alice explaining this BIG coven of vampires who all get along like family and don't drink human blood and live in a house and go to school and the leader is a doctor who treats humans and, no, really, he is and doesn't even steal blood from the hospital! And they're like, sure Alice. And then they're standing in the foyer of whatever Cullen house while Carlisle sets down his doctor bag to shake their hands and Edward plays something on the piano in the next room and Esme gestures for them to have a seat on the sofa and Emmett's all "WANNA PLAY VAMPIRE BASEBALL, BRO?!" and it's like "huh, nice to meet you, thought Alice was making it all up."

The hippie vegan diet stuff is still weird, though. And Jasper begged everyone not to tell them that he, also, goes to high school now.

[flippinpancakes64]

Jasper with a Cervitaur Mate

A Cervitaur is a deer Centaur, something like:

(this is also my art, feel free to use it)

Jasper with a Cervitaur! Reader

Tbh going into this I had no clue what a cervitaur even was. I feel like the premise is self-explanatory though so I'm rolling with it

Also I am making another attempt at a narrative story so hopefully this is good. I just figured that headcanons wouldn't be able to do this topic justice

And yes as always I got carried away sue me

Thank you for requesting and I hope you enjoy!

"I bet that I'll get a bigger catch than you today," Emmett said as he leapt over a rock.

"You're on," Jasper replied smugly, running through the trees.

Emmett and Jasper were currently running far away from the Cullen house, deep into the woods. It was nice to be in a new place far away from the wolves. They didn't have to watch where they went anymore.

It was currently the middle of the day, the sunlight beaming through the breaks in the leaves above, catching on their skin as they drifted through.

"What are you thinking today? A bear, a jaguar, a mountain lion, a hyena" Emmett asked.

"... I'm not sure... maybe a deer," Jasper answered, coming to a halt as the pair reached the edge of a cliff.

"A deer? Those things are so weak though!" Emmett replied incredulously.

"But they taste good," Jasper deadpanned. "Those bears that you insist on catching all of the time are way too gamey."

"Whatever. You just don't have good taste."

Jasper rolled his eyes and darted off to the left, intending on finding himself a nice, big deer for dinner. In the distance he heard Emmett veer off to the right, heading towards one of the mountains. Presumably looking for a cave that a bear might be hiding in.

As he ran, he came across a wide, open field filled with flowers. He could hear birds chirping in the trees above, the wind whistling through the blades of grass. In the center of the field laid a deer, its hind legs folded underneath it as it lazed in the field.

He could hear its strong heart beating in its chest, its blood pumping through its veins, its lungs expanding as it breathed deep, even breaths.

He licked his lips, his pitch black eyes widening and then narrowing as he readied to pounce.

But then the deer moved.

Where its head was supposed to be sat a very human torso, large antlers protruded from the creature's head, catching in the sunlight of the field. Jasper stood there stunned, his mouth slightly agape as he took in the mythical being, something that he had never seen before.

"Where's your puny little deer at, bro?" a deep voice boomed from somewhere behind him, he didn't even need to look to know that it was Emmett. And judging from the faint scent of blood running through his veins, he already found his bear.

The deer creature in the field whipped its head around, their human face etched with shock and fear. They quickly raised onto their hooves and began running away as fast as they could.

"Wait!" Jasper called out, already beginning to run after it.

He knew this was a bad idea. He had no reason to be chasing the poor thing anyway. But he just felt so drawn, so enamored. He NEEDED to know what this beautiful creature was.

You were fast, that much was obvious. But no thing with a beating heart and pumping veins would ever be faster than a vampire.

He descended upon you, your galloping hooves beating into the dirt with the fervor of a thousand men in your attempt to escape your pursuer. But it was for nothing. He caught up to you and sprang into the path in front of you, cutting off your exit.

"Don't hurt me, please!" You cried, your breaths heavy and your eyes frantic as they looked into the beautiful, undead face of the man in front of you.

"What are you?" he asked, voice level and calm. He pushed his ability forward, doing his best to wrap you with a blanket of calm and comfort. Trust.

"I... what? You chased me just for that? Aren't you supposed to kill me and then suck all of my blood out?" You asked incredulously.

"How did you know I was a vampire?"

"Well are you a human?"

"...no..."

"Then you're a vampire. If someone looks human but can outrun me then they're a vampire." You explain, weirdly calm now despite being terrified moments ago. Whether that was due to his ability actually working or your nerves having calmed down due to seeing he wasn't going to outright kill you is up for debate.

"Okay, well, still you didn't answer my question, what are you?"

You just look at him strangely for a second.

"You're not gonna hurt me?"

"No, I won't. I promise," he says. You can see the sincerity in his eyes.

"And what about the big guy you left behind?"

"Emmett. I'll make sure he doesn't hurt you either." From far away Jasper can faintly hear Emmett hum in agreement. He guesses the two of you are close enough for him to hear.

"Alright. Sit back and relax while I blow your mind," you say, beginning to tell your story.

And he does. He stands there listening intently.

[shelbgrey]

Next to me(Emmett Cullen)

Chapter 16: 20 questions

Table of contents

Requested by: @bestsuspect005

~~~~~~~~(later that night)~~~~~~~~

“c-come on, you gotta know something?” Bella stuttered out from her bed. I sighed snapped my book closed and turned to her. I was setting at her desk helping her with a project, or I was supposed to. I'm actually doing most of it and being interrogated about the Cullens and now the pack.

“seriously I don't know” I said. “I just now started hanging out with Emmett” l stated. Bella looked at me confused. “What now?”

“I figured you and Emmett were dating” I shrugged sadly. I guess we kinda are but we hadn't put a label on it yet. The world wanted us to be together but we never talked about what we actually wanted.

“there's really no labe on it right now” I mumbled.

After a few debits with Bella she ended up falling asleep before she could finish a conversation with me. I sighed deciding to use the quiet to my advantage. It didn't want to move so I sat at Bella's desk with my blanket wrapped around me and worked on my Labtop as Elvis Presley softly played in my earbuds.

The window slowly opened and turned around as my heart pounded. I raised an eyebrow confused as Edward slipped in. He stopped dead in his traks and we both staired at each other for a bit.

“hi....” he said dragging out the word looking like a dear cought in the headlights.

“hi?” I repeated.

There was complet silence except for Bella's soft snoring. Edward stood there in silence fiddling with his thumbs. I smirked and tilted my head. “so... You come here often?”

He nervously chuckled and looked everywhere except me and Bella's sleeping body. I rolled my eyes with a smile as I closed my labtop.

“kinda creepy bro” I said as I left Bella's bedroom to go get some sleep.

The next morning Emmett came over before school. I cooked Bella and Owen's breakfast as he sat at the dinning room table flipping through a horror magazine I felt on the table a couple days ago. I heard a pair of feet hit the first two steps than obviously fake cough.

Owen came into the kitchen with his hand on his stomach. “sis, I don't feel good” he said planly. He didn't trying to fake groans of pain just stood there emotionless. Emmett looked at him from the table concerned.

“what's up?” I asked feeling his forehead. He shrugged and said. “I just don't feel good... Can I stay home?”

I looked at him with a questioning look. You could see the plea in his eyes. The worry as he stood before me. I cleared his throat and his fluffy hair fell over his eyes and he looked down.

“yeah, you can stay home” I mumbled hugging him. He went of stairs and I shared a concerned look with Emmett.

~~~~~~~~(.......)~~~~~~~~

“you wanna play 20 questions? I feel like we don't know much about each other expect our supernatural aspects” Emmett asked as he grabed a tree and spung around it.

We were out in the woods a couple of miles away from the school. We decided to ditch the rest of the school day plus a history field trip.

“okay, I'm an open book” I said as he grabed my hand to help me climb up a rock.

“okay...” he chuckled. “Who's your favorite singer or band? Edward Isn't the only one in the family who loves music”

I nodded as I sat down in the grass next to him. “staring off mild, huh?” he shrugged waiting for his awnser.

“Elvis presley... He's my favorite” I responded proudly trying not to go into one of my Elvis rants.

He gave me a big smile that showed his dimples. “I love Elvis... I went to the 68 comeback Special, ya know”

My eyes widened with amazement he told the story of him, Carlisle, and Damon when to see the special and how they had to keep Damon from eating Colonel Tom Parker. And aprently Rosalie dated Elvis for a bit, that was before he met Priscilla of course.

“I've never been more jealous of a group of vampires” Emmett laghed. “okay, next question”

“what's your favorite Elvis song?” he asked. I raised an eyebrow. “as much as I love talking about the King of Rock, your gonna waist question #19 on that?”

“as long as I'm learning about you and talking about you there's not waist” he responded with God's honest truth. His gold eyes held nothing but love and admiration.

“Can't help falling in love and Suspicious minds” I responded. He nodded like he was mentally taking notes.

“favorite movie?” he asked. “I'm guessing your a movie lover with you talking about film school and all”

“I love horror, but my favorite movie is either Once upon a time in Hollywood or The Shining”

Emmett nodded. “I love Quentin Tarantino's movies” I nodded. “me too, he kinda inspired the who movie direct career”

“if could go anywhere in the world where would you go?” Emmett asked.

“Memphis Tennessee” I awnsered. Emmett smirked like already knew why. “I bet you could take a wild guess why” I laughed.

“there's only one reason to go to Memphis Tennessee” Emmett laughed. “Graceland?” I nodded with a smile.

The rest of the questions would seem useless to anyone else but it was important to him. It seemed to matter that he knew my favorite book or what food I like or dislike. He acted like he was holding one to everything like it was valuable information.

“now last question” he said. I perked up waiting for it.

“will you be my Girlfriend?” he smiled softly. I looked at him shocked. I closed the gap between us and placed a loving kiss on his lips. “Yes”

He smiled and placed his hand on my cheek pulling me in for another kiss. I placed my hand on his Broad chest and gently pulled away. “my turn to ask the questions”

“okay” he asked like there was nothing that could phase him.

“what's your favorite book?” I asked.

Emmett shrugged and thought for a bit. “I don't read much but I guess I would go with The Great Gastby”

I smiled. “I love that book”

The questions remained innocent like he did with me. Like him I listened intently and held on to every word. I thought about asking but then again it might have been to personal. I only had one question left and the one I wanted to ask I was still debating on whether or not I should. Emmett could tell I was think and he tilted his head.

“what's up?”

“How long have you been a vampire Emmett?” I asked, resting my head on his shoulder. He stayed silent for a second. Thinking I over stepped I quickly raised my head in a panic. “you don't have to awnser... I'm sorry if I over stepped.”

He stopped my rambling with a gentle kiss. “calm down, it's okay” he pulled me back closer to him so my head to go back on his shoulder.

“Since 1935” he replied. I chuckled. “Wow you're old” he let out a laugh and playfully shoved me. I looked down with a more serious face. “H-how did you become one…you don't have to tell me”

“I was born in Gatlinburg, Tennessee. My family was big on hunting and me and my brothers were pretty good at it too.” Emmett sighed then looked at me. “I was stupid growing up, ran with the wrong crowed and got into gambling and drinking…it wasnt my gretest molments” he let out a scarcastic chuclke.

“One day I went on a hunt by myself for the first time… i found a bear and i wasn't quick enough to shoot it”

“The bear molled you, didn't it?” I asked softly and carefully. He looked down and laced his freezing cold fingers with mine. “Yep” he simply said.

“I was losing too much blood and was ready to die..I expected it but then Damon and Rose found me. The only way I can describe it was an Angel and Devil arguing over whether to save or ditch me.” he said as i pitchered the saniro play out in my head.

“At the time damon was really battling the urges to drink human blood that’s why he wanted to leave but in the end he help rose bring me to carlisle and changed me”  I rested my head on his shoulder and wrapped my arms around his muscular one.

He lost a lot back then, But that was an understatement. I looked down and cleared my throat thinking of the outcomes if I opened up about my parents death. It probably took a lot for him to tell me about him so it was only far.

“I-I lost my parents about 7 months ago” I started. Emmett looked at me with hurt in his eyes. He gently laced his fingers with mine as I spoke.

“I was at this slumber party thing with my marching band from my old school. Things like drinking and other stuff started happening and I got scared so I called my parents.”

“it was also raining really bad and they both got out in the middle of the night to come and get me. I think part of them were convinced that I was part of all the drinking so we started to argue” I felt the tears prick my eyes as felt the guilt flood me.

“We slid off a bridge and me and Owen were the only survivors” I rest my head on his shoulder a cried softly. “I blame myself and it so hard sometimes”

Emmett placed his ice cold hand on my chin and lifted it up gently. “it's not your fault no one blames you” he said softly. I looked into his gold eyes thank full I had him in my life.

“as long as your with me you'll never get hurt” he said truthfully.

“you promise?” I asked. He smiled and nodded. “I promise... And after we graduated I promis to take you to Graceland” he said softly kissing my forehead. I softly chuckled at the last part as he smiled at me.

I made me feel safe. Since mom and dad died I felt his unnerving pain through out my body. I was lost and Emmett saved me. God what's happening to me.

[goldeneyedgirl]

I love your writing so much, thank you for everything Jalice you created with your brilliant mind😭

I have heard mcu would be updated? And stl too? Omg. Lexie, I swear you uploads treated as a freaking Holiday miracle in my life. I legit to this day remember the absolute mind-altering evening I had, when I found STL and have read it for the first time. I re-read it yesterday, and its makes me e.m.o.t.i.o.n.a.l every time, fuck. Especially Jasper’s parts.

Also, I do realise its might seem like I am stalking your blog, but I am just obsessed with your view on Twilight and Jalice, I swear, I am not a psycho😂. Its also that, yours is the only tumblr blog I have a notification mode turned on.

Also, I would love to see the Dark & the Unknown, because what the fuck is with Alice? She IS alive, right? Like, I have a whole movie in my head, where opens her eyes and the Cullens are like, what the fuck is going on? And Jasper is just shocked, horrified but also relieved. And then the Cullens hear them fucking in Jasper’s study, and they are traumatised.😐😂 and Emmett is just: “bro, she is terrifying 😈 “ or something like that😀

Anyway, thank you for everything you have written so far, I ADORE your brain❤️

You are so damn sweet <3 Thank you so much for your support, you've left so many comments and tags and likes, it means so much to me. I'm just the weirdo with too many ideas and not enough time to get them all written.

Jar of Hearts and STL are the next two updates I have planned. Variable Stars is currently in pieces undergoing a complete rewrite of the next three chapters. The one-shots this month are my fantastically late Valentine's one-shot from Space-verse, and the February prompt for the 2023 Prompt List.

Shadow to Light being so popular is wild to me, and I am so grateful people are still following it. It was supposed to be a one-shot, then a two-shot, then a fic that was wrapped up in 6 chapters (I still remember exactly where it was when it changed for me to a Big Project), and now is one of the longest fics I've ever managed and one of the things I'm most proud of. Thank you so much for putting up with my slow updates.

I do have some amazing asks from you in my inbox, I just need the time to sit down and give them a good response that doesn't make me sound like a babbling fool (and there was one that I needed to hunt down a specific image that has become really hard to find, but I think I found it!)

2023 is The Dark And the Unknown's year, I can feel it. We're going to get our cryptid romance on. I don't want to spoil it, but Alice does freak out the entire family at one point, and Jasper is smitten. However, the pacing is messed up at the moment - which just means I have to add a bunch of scenes and make it longer - so I'm crossing my fingers that it will be this year's Halloween fic.

And again, thank you. Before I wrote for Jalice, I wrote for fandoms/pairings that didn't have a lot of interaction, so I never got to talk to people or have anyone read my stuff so it always amazing and exciting to see likes and reblogs and reviews and asks (that might be why I get overwhelmed - I'm absolutely not used it!)

[the104yearoldvirgin]

Emmett after the Cullen Family Meeting in Midnight Sun:

[strongestcullen-archived]

borrowed from Titus Makin's instastory

[emmettsleftnut]

Emmet and Jasper in: Food Shopping for Bella

Jasper: Ok Emmett, we're here, we have a goal, did you ask Bella what she needed?

Emmett: Was I... supposed to?

Jasper: Emmett, that was your one s i n g l e job, asking the human what she needed to eat

---

Emmett: Ok so... like meat, right? I used to eat that shit a ton as a human. They dont sell deer, thats stupid, guess we'll go with chicken.

Jasper: Em, she doesnt need 8 packs of chicken.

Emmett: Bro have you seen chickens, theyre so small, I could put an entire chicken in my mouth. Y'know what, I've seen a chicken near home. When we get home im showing you that I can put an entire chicken in my mouth-

Jasper: Emmett please god stop, I don't doubt you can fit a chicken in your mouth, people are staring.

---

Jasper: Ok, Edward said Bella likes salad. Do you know anything about salad.

Emmett: Do I LOOK like I have ever eaten a salad Jaz.

Jasper: Yeah fair honestly I dont even know why I asked.

---

Emmett: Ok, we have a bunch of leaves, we have... vegetables of some description. What else did Eddie say she liked?

Jasper: Something about mushrooms, like a pasta, he said they had it in a resteraunt in Port Angeles. Lets go to the pasta section then.

Emmett: I am not entirely positive what a pasta is but when I find out, hooooo boy.

---

Jasper: Ok so I'm not seeing any mushroom flavoured pasta, Em what do we do thats like... the only thing I can think of that it could be.

Emmett: *looking at a box with a triumphant look* Well, queue the hoooo boy because Jaz, I have found what we have been searching for.

Jasper: Wait, you did? What is it?

Emmett: *holding up box for Jasper to see* It says right here "mushroom shaped pasta" thats like, the same thing right?

Jasper: You are an absolute genuis.

---

Emmett: OK, chicken?

Jasper: Check.

Emmett: Mushroom shapes?

Jasper: Check.

Emmett: Leaves?

Jasper: Check.

Emmett: Thats all I can think of, humans just need water and sun then they'll get big and strong, right?

Jasper: Em, thats a plant, youre thinking of photosynthesis. Humans need food and sleep and warmth and happiness and stuff.

Emmett: Ok, I vote that I just improvise a bit and see what happens. Whats the biggest potential issue?

Jasper: Fair honestly, go wild I'll meet you at the register.

---

---

BONUS:

Emmett: Cullens, we have been hunting and we have RETURNED

Jasper: We did great, obviously

Alice, to Edward: Spoiler Alert; they didn't do great

Emmett: Hush Alice, let me show our bounty. Mortal, come to us.

Bella: *wearily walking over* uh.. sure

Alice, mouthing to Bella: Be nice, they did their best.

Jasper: Firstly, we have, drumroll please... chicken.

Bella: Mmm

Jasper: And chicken

Bella: Oh

Jasper: And chicken

Bella: ..

Jasper: And chicken, and some more chicken, and finally, a bit more chicken.

Bella: Ok, awesome, thanks.

Emmett: Please Bella, save your praise for when we're finished.

Bella: Y'know what, sure Emmett, please show me what else you have there, I would personally love to see it.

Emmet: Of course you would. Next up we have... salad!

Bella: Em, that just lea-

Emmett: Bella please, I know youre insanely greatful but as I said, save the praise for once we're finished. I will only accept drumrolling at appropriate intervals. Jasper, next item please.

Jasper: We have mushroom pasta

Edward: Oh, thats actually a good one. Wait, Jasper, what is this?

Jasper: Its mushroom pasta..? Duh

Edward: Did you hear me talking about the thing from Port Angeles?

Jasper: Mhm, we thought we'd suprise her with her favourite.

Edward: Jasper, it's called mushroom ravioli, and she's only ever eaten it once, and I'm like 90% sure it was sub-par at best. Also, this is just mushroom SHAPED, it doesnt have any mushroom in it what-so-ever. I don't even thi-

Alice, smacking edward over the head: Jasper its great, lets just move on to the next thing.

Emmett: Ok, speedround, you ready?

Bella: Absolutely not

Emmett: Cool, 1. Frozen corn 2. thin potatoes in a very large bag 3. An entire bag of B+ blood, no you may not ask where I found it 4. Tiny edible pillow things. 5. Finally... Tampons, idk it felt like a good idea.

Bella: Honestly thank you

Emmett: Also I need to show you something with a chicken I found, wanna see

Bella: Absolutely

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

For each member of the Cullens, what do you think it would take for them to realize the extent of how unhinged Edward is and what do you think they would do about it, if anything?

Well, we’re going dark places today, aren’t we?

Alice

Alice is already fully aware of what Edward is, she simply doesn’t care.

There are visions that Alice misses, Edward thinks Alice misses the vast majority of Biology due to being hyper focused on Jasper (and likely missed the school massacre that Edward was seriously planning) but there is a lot she doesn’t miss.

Every time Edward thinks about how great it’d be to smash Mike Newton’s head like a watermelon, every time he considers devouring Bella, every time he enters her room unannounced to stare at her while she sleeps unawares, the time Edward considers genocide of the Quileute Tribe because of Jake’s telling Bella a story he doesn’t even believe, Alice knows.

It changes nothing for her.

She roots for Edward and Bella’s relationship, not because she knows for a certainty it will work out, but because it might. And that slim might, where Bella Swan might survive and become Edward’s lover as well as her own Barbie is worth everything they put Bella through to get there.

Also damningly, Alice cares very little for how good Edward is for Bella just as she cares very little for Bella period. Bella is Alice’s excuse to party and a dress up toy, but Alice will cut contact with her to a) please Edward b) prove a point to Edward.

Worse, Alice will take Bella to Italy, a city where she knows Bella will be killed with a 90% chance upon entry, on the slim chance that they might prevent Edward’s suicide. Yes, she vaguely explains the risk Bella’s taking, but she doesn’t say it in clear terms nor does she waste much time arguing.

Edward is far more important to Alice than Bella.

What I’m getting at is, thanks to her gift, Alice is intimately aware of just what Edward is capable of. She doesn’t care. And yes, there’s something to be said that Edward, more often than not, does not act upon these futures and he shouldn’t be condemned for choices he does not make. However, he does make some of them, and Alice knows.

There’s nothing I think Edward could do to either inform her that she was gravely wrong in how she perceived him or drive her away. Alice would be disappointed he’s thrown the family into such disarray but most likely would try to steer him away from whatever choice would cause such a rift.

She would aid, abet, and enable him because that is what will keep the Cullens together. Which is something Alice very much wants.

Carlisle

Carlisle lives in a river in Egypt, the water is made of double think. There are strong hints that Carlisle’s family is not quite as gung ho or altruistic about the diet as he is. Instead of being appalled, Carlisle quietly lowers his standards, and gives enthusiastic applause when Edward does things like choose not to brutally murder the serial rapist who nearly raped Bella. This is big growth for Edward! He also takes measures like sending family members who have accidents to their victims funeral, in the hopes that something, maybe, might make them see humans as people worthy of life.

If you asked him though, he’d talk about how amazing his family and the Denali are for the diet, and how he’s so proud to be a part of this community that values human life. LOOK HOW MUCH THEY VALUE IT.

When it comes to Edward, I think Edward holds a special place in Carlisle’s heart. He was not only the first person he turned, but Edward left and came back, to Carlisle this signaled that he’d found meaning and purpose in preserving human life. More, Edward... is very good at hiding what he is and is desperate that Carlisle above all others never see it.

Rather than have a conscience, most of the time, what stops Edward from “you name horrific action” of the day is the thought of “What would Carlisle say?” 

My point being, from the outside, especially to Carlisle, Edward truly does look like a noble soul. There are... flags, but they’re easily ignored or written off as issues with Edward’s emotional maturity.

Where Carlisle starts getting concerned is with Bella. Edward leaves for Alaska, great, Carlisle’s proud he was able to make that decision and know his limits. ThEn EdWArd CoMeS BaCK.

Edward comes back, in a week, nothing has changed, and he refuses to leave. Carlisle talks to him, Edward’s thinking he’s better than Hamburger and he can’t let her win, what he actually says to Carlisle is something along the lines of “I can’t run from my fears” Carlisle does an upside down smiley face then says, “Yes, you can, please do” And Edward doesn’t.

Things with Edward and this girl get progressively weird, but Carlisle is very proud that Edward sees the value of human life and not murdering a girl for being nearly hit by a van (this is how low Carlisle’s standards have become), and then Alice goes, “Oh, by the way, Edward is in love with this girl!”

Carlisle just sits there, “Alright then” and quietly puts aside his dreams of moving to a town where Edward doesn’t eat Bella Swan.

But I’m getting off track, this isn’t about canon where Carlisle can explain Edward’s actions away as noble but extreme, emotionally immature, and misguided.

Eating Bella’s not enough. Carlisle will see this as a tragic accident, something he foresaw, but something he assumes will haunt Edward for eternity. And, as it will haunt Edward for eternity (though not for the reasons Carlisle assumes) there will be nothing to make Carlisle question Edward’s character. He was young and foolish to think his limits were endless, but this was a tragic accident.

And it’s something, that in canon, Carlisle is hoping won’t happen but expects with helplessness.

I think there are a number of things that could do it. Had Edward eaten Biology, had he decided to defy Volturi law by eating Saint Marcus’ Square, but staying closer to the realm of possibility...

Had Edward forcibly aborted Bella, murdering her and her child in the process, or else if Renesmee didn’t have her gift, and Edward murdered her after her birth (assuming Jake didn’t get to it first).

Those actions cannot be excused away nor cannot be seen as tragic accidents. They are premeditated and evil, and yes evil is a strong word, yet here we are. This is Carlisle staring in the face of madness.

And that’s what it will take.

If Edward cheats on Bella, then while Carlisle is sad and disappointed, affairs happen and passion fades. More, Edward and Bella married awfully young and barely knew each other, this perhaps isn’t surprising.

If Edward eats a human Bella on the day she’s supposed to be turned, in very suspicious circumstances right at the last minute. Carlisle will know, deep down, but never allow himself to believe it. He’ll think Edward is utterly devestated and had let his guard down on that last day in anticipation of Bella’s turning.

This though, there’s no denying this.

I don’t believe Carlisle can kill Edward. Murder is not in his nature, and more, Edward is so dear to him. And now that this has happened, Carlisle would blame himself in part because surely, the human Edward Masen would never have become this. 

He’d likely reach out to Aro. Eclipse has happened, but not Breaking Dawn, and more everything is in question. He has to know the truth from a man who has seen Edward’s very soul. He goes in person, likely tells Edward his plans, and Edward rages but that doesn’t stop Carlisle.

Rosalie (more on her below) would never forgive Edward, ever, she is done. She and Emmett likely go with Carlisle to Volterra to hear the truth of what Edward is. Esme stays behind with Edward, torn in half, but unable to leave his side in this time of crisis. With that, her and Carlisle’s marriage completely dissolves on the spot. Alice stays with Edward as well, which means Jasper does to, though this likely starts the gears in head and he begins to contemplate leaving his wife. Though I imagine he won’t act for some time.

By the time Emmett, Rosalie, and Carlisle reach Volterra the coven is broken.

If Bella survived, if Edward murdered Renesmee while she was out of commission for three days, then I imagine she too goes to Volterra. Not for truth, but so that Aro can murder her, because there’s no point in living anymore.

Emmett

It would have to be beyond the pale extreme because Emmett gets more hints than most of the family (i.e. Carlisle and Rosalie).

Edward doesn’t really confide in Emmett, per se, but he does say some pretty damning things on their hunting trip in New Moon and give off varying vibes of crazy. Rather than realize that Edward, perhaps, is dangerous, Emmett only gets the feeling that Edward might not be alright in the head. Mostly, Emmett doesn’t want to think about it.

So he gets to listen to Edward raving about how Bella could be crushed by a meteor, wondering why Edward even cares when two days ago he didn’t give a flying fuck about this rando tasty human.

To Emmett, Edward has been laughing madly to himself for days, is now a  paranoid wreck, and is starting to creep him out but... Maybe if he ignores it, Edward will go back to normal?

Not helping is that Emmett doesn’t care about human life. He’s constantly telling Edward to treat himself and eat Bella, in a manner that suggests he vicariously wants to live through the delicious experience (as well as get Edward to calm down). 

If Edward eats Bella, Emmett will slap him on the back and say “Good job, bro!” If Edward eats Bella after the whole “love” thing, well, that’s weird, but, uh, “Sorry, bro?” If Edward murders all of Biology...

Then Emmet might do a double take and think, you know, maybe something’s not right with Edward.

I think he’d suggest he and Rose take a very long vacation and wait for things to calm down. Hoping that, if he ignores this, it will go away and Edward will return to a... saneish person.

What Rose thinks is a different story.

Esme

There is nothing on this planet that could tear Esme away from Edward. Esme’s purpose in life, the thing that gives her joy each morning and each night, is her family which you can condense down to Edward: the best and brightest of all of us.

We see it in canon.

The day after Edward decides he’s in love he acts like a lunatic. The car smells like Bella, as he kidnapped her for a ride home (Bella did not realize she had, in fact, been abducted. Edward does for two seconds then says to himself, “No, no, this is--completely necessary. I’M A MONSTER”

Jasper, Alice, Rosalie, and Emmett get to ride home in this Bella smelling car. Edward keeps laughing, like he’s in an opium den, it’s fucking weird. Edward offers no explanation, the car always smells like Bella, what are you talking about?

Edward then skips to the piano, giggling to himself, and sits down to compose. An action he hasn’t done in years. He’s still grinning and giggling to himself, by the way. Alice joins him at the piano, being equally cryptic and weird as usual. For some reason, Rosalie leaves the room in complete humiliation and shame. This is never explained to anyone watching.

Esme is sitting in the room, taking this all in, and thinks nothing. Instead she smiles, at beautiful Edward, and asks him to play the song he composed for her. She’s so glad to see him filled with joy again. She tells him that he is the best and brightest of all of them.

Esme later gives Edward her pretty much express permission to eat Bella if the girl is causing him such pain and misery. Luckily for Bella, Edward’s in love. So he passes on that and assures Esme the most wonderful thing has happened, he is in love.

My point being, Edward could drop the corpses of the students he murdered in Biology so he could more efficiently eat Bella at Esme’s feet and she wouldn’t blink. It wouldn’t even process for her. Esme would continue carrying on as Esme, nothing changing, while the rest of the family stares agog at the city Edward just murdered.

There is nothing Edward could do or say that would ever change Esme’s mind and she will always treat him as her favorite child.

Jasper

With his gift, I imagine Jasper suspects. Edward loathes Rosalie, despises him, and his feelings for others are... strange. He holds indifference and contempt for mankind and when it comes to Bella. Woof, what a cocktail.

He has no proof though, but I imagine if the smallest thing comes into his lap, that suspicion would become a certainty.

As for what he’d do, it’s hard to say.

I think, in most scenarios, he’d look the other way. Yes, Edward is a monater, but Jasper to is a monster if for different reasons, he has no room to judge. More, Edward is in many respects the heart of the Cullens, far more than Japser himself is. If Jasper goes causing strife, making accusations the others may or may not believe, then the coven could collapse.

This place, these people, are what Jasper thinks he’s been searching for all his life. For the first time, he knows peace, and is trying to live a life where he doesn’t persist in agony every time he succumbs to eating. Jasper is not going to risk that falling apart, even if he finds Edward unpleasant.

And if Edward keeps it to himself, or if the occasional human is the victim, then that’s a price Jasper is willing to pay.

Jasper might actually get concerned when it comes to Bella. For all Bella’s not very close with him, he holds her in very high regard. He nearly devoured Bella, and she forgave him, she forgave him his monstrously brutal past and has never flinched from him. She is a reminder of what humanity can be and why it’s important.

If he realized the threat Edward is to Bella, not just in eating her, but on a level much darker than that, then he might start to act and would probably try to get Bella to leave while she could. However, he also likely knows Bella would never listen, because she doesn’t see what Edward is and nothing would convince her otherwise. Not to mention, as soon as Jasper knows, Edward will plot against him so that no one in the family will ever listen to a word he says.

Not to mention that Alice, of course, must know and doesn’t care. That will be quite the blow to Jasper taking any action.

Barring extreme circumstances, Jasper does nothing, he just watches and waits to see what the others do.

Rosalie

For all that Edward doesn’t bother to be nice to Rosalie, and is ready to lay into her at a moment’s notice, he’s very dear to her. He is, in all regards, her brother and she cares for him deeply as she does the family as a whole.

Rosalie has no idea what he truly is and it would take a lot for her to accept it. More, unlike Carlisle, although she prizes human values and tries to hold herself to human standards her morals have slipped enough that she genuinely advocates murdering Bella Swan in her sleep so that Rosalie won’t have to move.

Murdering Bella won’t be enough, Rosalie will see it as the accident that could have been avoided if Edward hadn’t insisted on being a fool. 

I think, for Rosalie, the best way to drive it home would be a sexual crime. Had Edward forced Bella’s abortion in Breaking Dawn, that would have done it. First, it’d be such a messy, bloody, affair at that point and would look like a horror show (which means Edward’s more than likely to eat Bella in the process). Second, this would be Edward taking the child that Bella wanted, tearing it from her and murdering it, and performing the most vile action that Rosalie can likely even contemplate.

I don’t know what she’d do, I don’t think Rosalie’s capable of killing Edward, she cares for him too much, even after something like this. However, I think she would make an ultimatum to Carlisle “either he goes or I go” and then would never speak of Edward again, he’s dead to her.

[barbecuebabybackribs]

Emmett Cullen Having a Male Mate would include:

(I haven’t Slept in 72 hours so if this is bad I’ll rewrite it as soon as I’m able to get some proper sleep :) just let me know. This is also a long one and I hope y’all enjoy. Stay safe y’all)

Requested by: @shamelessloverhairdopainter​ (If this isn’t to your liking feel free to dm me and let me know)

He was not expecting you to walk in the door

Not because you’re a man, because he thought Alice would have given him a heads up

Doesn’t approach you at first, he’s to starstruck.

You notice his stare and offer him a small smile

He would normally feel slightly embarrassed for being caught gawking at you but he’s to busy being an extremely excited goofball

“Edward! What’s the new kid thinking!”

Edward had been shifting his eyes in between the two of you since the moment Emmett saw you

“He think’s your ‘kinda cute’ but is mainly confused about where he’s supposed to be going.”

“I know how to solve that!” He exclaims, slamming his hand on the table as he gets up

The man is nervous as hell walking up to you but the overwhelming urge to be near you over-rides the nerves

He forget’s about personal space for a second and walks up right behind you

“Uhm, excuse me.” He’d say tapping your shoulder

Not expecting you to flinch so hard you drop all the papers your were carrying

“Oh god I’m so sorry.” Suddenly those pesky nerves flood back

You’re still having a small heart attack as he starts to gather up your papers

“I-It’s okay, you just surprised me is all.” 

Your heartbeat quickens slightly when you realize your jump scare mystery man was the cute guy who was staring at you- this does not go unnoticed by Emmett

“I’m Emmett, you just looked sort of lost so I was going to ask if you needed help.” He smirks handing your papers back.

“Oh? Was it that obvious?”

“Well the fact that you had your head stuck in a map was a dead giveaway.”

He ends up showing you around for the rest of the lunch break, talking and joking around as he does.

You didn’t know why he had decided to help you- considering everyone else just ignored you- but you were glad he did

He was glad he did too

You end up meeting everyday at lunch to hang out

Meeting up with him becomes on of the highlights of your day.

He is constantly bugging Edward and Jasper to know what you’re thinking and feeling

“Emmett If you want to know what he’s thinking just go and ask him!” Edward snaps after Emmett had caught him in a bad mood.

You overhear the conversation and although are a little confused at the context, you can’t help but get a little pissed off he was talking to Emmett like that.

Emmett awkwardly walk over to you and ask’s what your doing

“Nothing much, Hey can I ask you something?”

“Shoot.”

“Why’s your brother being such a dick?”

Emmett nearly chokes he laughed so hard

Edward sulks in the corner

After a few weeks you both get a bit restless only seeing each other during lunch but are to nervous to ask the other to hang out another time

You work up the courage to ask him to hang out outside of school tomorrow- randomly ambushing him the parking lot

“Yes!” He answers a tad to quickly, “Er, I mean that would be cool.”

Dude is absolutely pumped

Both of you realize you forgot one main part- planning what you wanted to do.

He clears his throat awkwardly “Well, If you want, you could come over to my house.”

You curse internally as you feel an unwanted blush spread across your face “Yeah, sure.”

Drives you to his house, showing you his favorite music on the way.

Has to fight back a laugh when you point out he didn’t buckle up

“Uh, can you wait here for a second?” He asks when you pull up to the house.

“Sure..”

He rushes inside and warns everyone you were here

Alice already saw it coming, everyone is on there best behavior making food for you

“Just play it cool.” He warns everyone before rushing back out to you.

“Everything alright?”

“Yup.” He answers smirking

You’re surprised when you walk in and everyone is staring at you.

“Uh... I hope it’s okay I came over.”

“Of course it is! A friend of Emmett’s is a friend of ours!” Esme beams, finally getting a look at this boy that had her son practically giddy

Emmett tugs you further into the house almost immediately, partially because he didn’t want you to feel ganged up on and also because he finally got to have some alone time with you

You end up playing a lot of video games- you lose your mind when Emmett plays Guitar Hero’s hardest level perfectly- Super speed really came in handy during gaming.

Esme and Carlisle show up in the middle of your gaming sesh with a snack for you

You gratefully accept it but insist they really didn’t have to

They insist it was there pleasure 

They leave the two of you alone, they both are already consider you family

You eat while commenting on Emmett’s game play, nearly choking when he dies and throws the remotes across the room.

That day forward the awkwardness is basically gone

Bro Emmett

Protective Emmett

Playful Emmett

Emmett that throws you over his shoulder and run books it down the halls

Emmett that challenges you to fights despite the fact he towers over you and is all muscle

You can tell he let’s you win- although he does absolutely “pummel” you

He never actually hurts you- although you have hurt yourself a few time attempting to sneak attack him

He didn’t even flinch and you fell flat on your face

You still to this day have yet to live that down

You’re basically already dating without it being official

You go out constantly- you take a small chance and joke it’s almost like your dating

You keep your eyes  straight forward expecting some “Ew gross no homo” response

When it comes you spare a single glance and see him with a big grin spread across his face

That was when it clicked your feelings might be mutual

He already knew how you felt due to bugging Jasper

but that was when he knew it was time to ask you out

“Hey, Y/N?”

“Ya?”

“Do you want to go out?”

“Like..... a date?”

“Yup.”

Remain calm- remain caLM

“Yes!”

You both quietly sit there for a moment absolutely loosing your minds

“Awesome.” He smiles wrapping an arm around you and pulling you closer

“Hey Emmett?”

“What’s up Y/N?”

“I didn’t know you were into men.”

“Neither did I until you came along.”

Once you two started dating it was like a damn burst and all he wanted to do was be near you.

The feeling was mutual

Movie and Arcade dates are some of your favorites

You’ve made out in school, at your house, in the forest, in movies, almost everywhere

Almost always has a hand somewhere on you- mainly your thigh

He also adores taking you hiking, If you get tired he just picks you up and keeps on going

He’s a lovable bro

and a lovable teddy bear

If your parents were homophobic Emmett is alright with pretending to just be one of ‘the boys’ until your ready

When you are ready, he’s on his absolute best behavior. He knows he won’t be able to suddenly make them no homophobic but god damn he’s not going to give them a reason to hate him

If they treat you badly at home because of it you suddenly are spending most of your nights at the Cullen residence

Even Rosalie starts to live you

Emmett has no quarrel with revealing there secret to you

You’re doing your homework in Emmett’s room when he suddenly emerges, giving you a pat on the back and straight up telling you.

“It’s about time you know. Y/N my family and I are vampires.”

“....?”

Convinced it’s some weird joke

“Halloweens not for months... and April first was months ago... I don’t get it.”

He just laughs, sitting on the small futon couch next to you and tells you he’s telling the truth

You just let out a nervous laugh when you realize he’s serious

“Emmett are you feeling okay?”

“Yes? Why- I’m not crazy Y/N. Here let me show you.”

Takes you by the hand and leads you outside, past his nervous looking family who you cast confused looks at

He takes you out back, lets go of your hand, and then jump nearly 30 feet in the air and lands on a tree

“what the fuck” you whisper, watching your apparently not human boyfriend look down and laugh at you.

When he jumps down and lands next to you, your almost the one jumping 30 feet in the air

“You all right.”

“UHM!” You motion to the tree and back to him a few times, pure shock clouding your mind

“HOW?! WHEN?! WHY?!” You nearly yell

“I was attacked by a bear and Rosalie saved me in 1935.”

“A BEAR?!?- wait your almost a hundred?”

Big smile and a nod is the only response you get

This goes on for almost 20 minutes before you sigh and mumble “well ok then?” and head back inside

The rest of the cullens got a front row seat to the whole thing and considering the circumstance you’re handling it well

You’re relationship ends up being pretty much the same except you force him to watch Dracula and interview with the vampire, along with other vampire movies a lot.

You buy a vampire romance novel for “Research”

With the big secret out Emmett finally feels ready to talk about going a bit further in your physical relationship

You wait until your parents are away on a trip so you’re away from certain immortal with heightened hearing

Edward and Jasper give him side eyes as he leaves the house

Your heart is beating almost a mile a minute when you hear a knock at the door

You invite him in and in a matter of minutes things are picking up speed

You have both been repressed for so long it’s no surprise

You fall asleep on his chest afterwards- of course after the two out you chatted a bit

He spends the night breathing in your scent, stroking your hair, caressing your cheek- such soft touches for someone so inhumanly strong

When you wake up and the memories all come flooding back and your cheeks burn hot and your heartbeat steadily increases, you shine and bury your head in his chest when he starts laughing at how easily flustered you are

Flustered or not you both agree it will become a more regular activity

Emmett is so damn proud when you graduate, if he could cry he probably would’ve

Carries you out on his shoulders chanting some ridiculous rhyme he made up

You guys party all night

Will deny it to Carlisle but he definitely got you a little tipsy

Months later some nomad vampires start wreaking havoc for the cullens

When they threaten you Emmett goes major protection mode

Only leaves your side to eat when absolutely necessary 

He can tell it’s taking a toll on you and everything else

That’s when he suggest’s turning you for your protection

Besides Rosalie everyone agrees 

Carlisle tries his best to make it a pain less process

although nothing could truly stop the mind numbing burning sensation that consumed you for days until it suddenly all went black

When you woke up, everything was heightened, you’re hearing, your smell, your taste, you’re sight, everything was so intense.

You went to stand but got thrown off by your force and speed

Two strong arms held you steady

“Emmett?”

“ehm, yes.”

“That sucked.”

Earned you a small chuckle from him

He insists on teaching you everything, hunting, fighting, acting, how to go crazy but not to crazy

He show’s you how intense everything is now

And by everything I mean everything

You two became a force to be reckoned with

Those Nomad’s stood no chance

No matter where you guys were you were a power couple

The Strongest and gayest power couple to ever walk the earth

And it was going to stay that way for a long time

[cullen-collective]

hi will you please indulge me with some emmett hcs?? ily 💕

Ahhhh my boy! Yay!

Emmett McCarty Cullen can and WILL sing Old Town Road in his head all day just to spite Edward.

He owns a ranch in Montana that he likes to visit as often as he can, but he always gets a little bummed out that the horses are scared of him.

Uses vampire recall to avoid having to read anything more than once, except for The Crimson Petal and The White and The Kingkiller Chronicle, both of which he has forced Rosalie to read with him and will let play in his head during particularly boring lectures.

Has degrees in really obscure shit. Like 1400s British history. Which he argues with Carlisle about.

"Emmett, son, I was there."

"Like barely. You were born partway through and then spent a ton of time in a cave eating rats."

While Rosie works on cars, he hands her tools and clean rags. He sits on the work table with his knitting and only gets up when she needs something.

He allows Alice to test all her latest inventions on him, as long as he can keep his hands free to knit.

One day he just gets a wild hair and starts jarring up moonshine in the basement. No one even knows what he's going to do with it. Emmett doesn't even know. It's driving Alice crazy.

That's how Bella ended up puking in the bushes outside the Cullen house after the graduation party. She found an errant jar and took a sip.

Emmett apologized but he isn't even really that sorry, he's just excited that it ended up so strong.

His favorite artist is Shania Twain and no he will not apologize. He's seen her live 18 times. It would be more but she has a habit of performing in the day.

He really wants to join the high school sports teams. He knows why he isn't allowed to but "Come on! I can be fake weak!! I'll go for second! Like Dash Parr!"

Being a sibling is his job as far as he's concerned. He hip checks Jasper across the room. He gives the best hugs. He dispenses advice, even if it sucks. He calls everyone buddy and pal and sport and sis and bro and stubby and scruffy and loser. He is a professional big brother.

Helps Esme in the garden without having to be asked. Make fun of his petunias and he'll rip off your arms.

Whenever the energy builds up too much in him he gets what Rosalie calls "the zoomies" (which she stole from a classmate who was describing her dog).

He runs all over and forces everyone to play baseball or basketball or Monopoly or football or literally just challenges people to races and he cannot physically stop himself from moving.

Goliath Barbarian of the Daybreak Guild. His character is named Emmfist. Fisty for short. Will smash a skull or two if you come for Rosie's tiefling warlock.

Loves Halloween so much.

Forces everyone to dress up even if they aren't going anywhere. (Alice would have done this anyway but she lets Emmett because he gets so excited.)

First member of the family to have lost all ten fingers at one time or another.

Always ready to fight, more ready to hug.

[bisexualemmettcullen]

your blog is:

1. insightful. not only do you provide me with wonderful questions I never knew i needed to answer, but you also show me a lil thing called The Line which is great, never heard of it before, but people seem to love when i dont cross it

2. Emmett Cullen but specifically that vibe where he's a friendly and loving big bro - just a very lovely moot <3

3. hilarious - i dont need to say anything else all ur shitposts are golden

Si thank you so much 😭 Good to know im not as big an enabler as i thought i was when it comes to Questions Which Should Not Be Answered Nor Discussed Ever 😅 although i figured vampire cum was crossing the line? idk

and yes emmett deserves so much love !! he didnt have enough lines in the books or screen time in the movies!! we were utterly robbed!!!

[panlight]

Would the Cullen,s ever renew their wedding vows?

Rosalie and Emmett obviously would; they basically do this every few years with their various weddings.

Edward and Bella . . . . might? I could see them jokingly going to Vegas to have the wedding that Bella originally 'wanted' (rather than Alice's elaborate party planning) or Bella joking that she's kind of sad Emmett DIDN'T get ordained on the internet and officiate and so for one anniversary Edward surprised her with just that.

Rev. Emmett: Dearly Bro-loved we have swaggered here today to join--

Bella: *sniff* It's everything I dreamed!

I don't think Alice/Jasper and Esme/Carlisle are as into the spectacle. Maaaaaybe C/Es could be convinced to 'renew their vows' for their 100th anniversary (which would have been last year or this year depending on just HOW fast you think they got married) but I think Carlisle thinks the idea is lowkey silly because the POINT of vows is that you make them one time and stick to them. He might really Believe in marriage as a spiritual/human institution and might think the renewal thing is kind of tacky or cheapens it. But well, maybe it would be nice to celebrate their love with the whole family they've created; the first time it was just them and Edward.

Likewise Jasper miiiiight be able to be talked into it for a big anniversary, but Alice herself has to want it and I'm not sure that she does. She likes PARTIES for sure, but they seem to have gotten married mostly because Carlisle suggested it, not because either of them have any great emotional or spiritual connection to the human idea of marriage, so renewing their vows is probably not something either of them would be super into. Plus for all Alice's exuberance and extroversion, she's pretty private about her relationship with Jasper. I feel like she enjoys celebrating other people instead of putting herself in the spotlight. I mean she was designed that way on purpose as the Perfect Sister-Friend, but.

[captainsophiestark]

Thoughts from my first time watching New Moon (this time with a read more, because I have A LOT of thoughts):

- I like this vibe of starting with a flash forward out of context before jumping into the beginning of the story

- Ohhhhh lmao I was so confused what was happening at the beginning until I saw the mirror!! I really like that scene now that I know what was happening 😂

- I LOVE CHARLIE SO MUCHHHHHH

- Awwww the group photo is so cute

- If I were Bella I would literally remind Edward that I was technically older than him all the time. Like “listen to me, I’m older than you” “I’m 109” “You’re 17. You’re not even legally an adult, so zip it”

- Awww omg New Moon Taylor Lautner is 😍😍

- I LOVE Alice

- Omg “Happy… nevermind” and “Can’t trust vampires” this is high key already like my favorite movie ( @lady-salvatore you called it early-)

- Holy shit Eddie you talk WAY too much about murder. He would def be into all the true crime murder podcasts we have now

- Oooo yay, I finally get info about the Volturi!

- Lol perk of going to high school 7 million times is you already know all the answers to questions the teachers ask you

- Based on exactly two minutes of Volturi content, I am convinced they would be instant enemies with the Mikaelsons

- “It’s my job to protect you, from everyone… except my sister” I LOVE THIS MOVIE

- EMMETT MADE MY JOKE ABOUT BELLA BEING OLDER I LOVE HIMMMM

- I love the Cullens so much omg I can’t take it

- Oh shit she just cut her finger

- Edward, PUNTING BELLA INTO A WALL IS NOT GOING TO HELP

- Oh fuck

- Thank God for Carlisle. This just became a very tough bday for Bella

- Dude omg I love Carlisle so much

- He’s got a crazy heavy dose of that Catholic guilt shadowing him tho, poor guy

- Burn bloody bandages to make a blood-scented candle for your vampire family. Life hack, pro tip, and A+ recycling from Carlisle

- I’m a big fan of the scrapbooking going on in this movie. Like, taking pictures and making them into scrapbooks/mini movies is totally my jam

- Oh dude DICK MOVE dumping her like that!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOO

- Whenever these breakups “for [protagonist]’s safety” happen I can’t help thinking of New Girl. When Schmidt tried to break up with Cece? The whole “White. Fang. Schmidt.” conversation? I always want the protagonists to call the love interests out on their bs just like that

- EDWARD YOU’RE BEING A DUMBASS AND A DICK NOOOOOOOO

- You left her alone in the woods??? BRO

- Holy shit she just collapsed. That cannot be good.

- (Also, why tf is the rest of his family going along with this??? Carlisle, it’s tough love time. Teach him a lesson about not running away from his problems!)

- WEREWOLF!!!! YAY!!!! I wonder if it was Jacob?

- Not Jacob! Sam, apparently, with no shirt on, which I do not mind. Boy is RIPPED

- Awwww omg she misses Alice!! Dammit, her whole friend group and boyfriend left in one fell swoop!!

- Dude, seeing Charlie worrying about Bella BREAKS my heartttttt. He loves her so much and he doesn’t get enough credit or screen time or support and it kills me I just want to give him a HUG

- Jess and Erica should’ve done an intervention by now. Failure of close girl friends when Bella’s in literal mourning over a dumb boy

- “Go. Buy some… stuff.” CHARLIE

- LEPROCY. CONSUMERISM. SELF-REVERENCIALISM CLEVERNESS. JESSICA.

- EDWARD’S A GHOST

- I would’ve flipped my shit if I saw that 😂 like kudos to Bella for not screaming and hitting the ground in the middle of the street

- Ohmygod WHY ARE YOU WALKING TOWARDS THEM BELLA NO OH MY GODDDDDD

- Jess this is also the moment you fucking tackle your friend to keep her from going down that alley or getting on the motorcycle. Like, WHATEVER IT TAKES

- Oh Bella’s totally using Jacobbbbb

- Yo also great distinction between Jacob and Edward with how they handle Bella wanting to do fun, reckless stuff. Points to Jacob for that one from me

- “your general paleness and lack of know-how” I LOVE HIMMMM 😂😂😂

- Yay omg Jacob’s friends!!!! I love it omg, fantastic dynamic

- Oh dude, I know they’re werewolves and this is fake, but if you actually threw somebody off a cliff like that and they fell wrong into the water, it could literally kill them. Like, people have died that way. Please be safe!!!

- ALSO ALWAYS WEAR A HELMET AND BOOTS WHEN YOU RIDE A MOTORCYCLE, AT MINIMUM! YOU SHOULD HAVE A JACKET AND PANTS TOO, *ESPECIALLY* WHEN YOU’RE LEARNING!!! My dad rode bikes for a LONG time and WOULD be dead if he rode around like these fools with no padding or protection

- (The mom friend in me is hella jumping out for these past few scenes, huh?)

- OH MY GOD JACOB TOOK OFF HIS SHIRT

- That was so unnecessary, but I’m also not complaining

- Is Sam the bear that’s killing people? (Or werewolf, technically)

- Mike WHAT THE FUCK WHY ARE YOU BEING SO WEIRDDDDDD

- FACE PUNCH. GUNS. ADRENALINE.

- Mike and Jake are peak awkwardness waiting out here omg. OH NO OH MY GOD IT’S JUST THE THREE OF THEM THAT’S SO BAD I LOVE ITTTT

- I’m laughing out loud alone in my house watching the three of them in the movie theater 😂😂😂

- Bella and Jacob are having a heart to heart, meanwhile Mike is puking up his guts in a public restroom

- Poor Mike 😔

- “What happened to Jake” “Uh… he has mono!” Lmao

- OH MY GOD JAKE HAS SHORT HAIR AND NO SHIRT, RED ALERT!!!

- WHITE. FANG. SCHMIDT. (*Please* tell me somebody gets this reference)

- Oh boy!! Jake’s werewolf side is here and he knows the truth!!!

- Oh my God, if I were Bella getting the “I’m not a good guy” speech for the second time in as many years, I’d probably slap the guy

- Let this ridiculous drama be a lesson to you all: NO ONE who loves you/that you love is better off without you in their life

- OMG LAURENT! I’m so glad he’s back, I liked him in the first one

- “Lie better” lmao. You’re one to talk Edward!!!

- Also I get the feeling I’m about to like Laurent a LOT less

- Ok yeah, I don’t like Laurent anymore. Also, see Eddie boy, this is why WE DON’T DIP ON PEOPLE BECAUSE WE THINK IT’S SAFER FOR THEM

- OH FUCK YEAH THE WEREWOLVES ARE HERE

- Legit thought that first one was a bear for a second

- YEAH BITCH YOU BETTER RUN

- Awwww good work Sam and Jacob and crew!!! NO OH MY GOD SOMEONE WENT DOWN

- Bella ran, making her first good choice in a long long long time

- Uh oh, poor Harry 😂 he’s like “fuck, Bella, THOSE WERE MY FAMILY OF WEREWOLVES WHY WOULD YOU TELL CHARLIE ABOUT THEM AND CAUSE SUCH A BIG PROBLEM FOR MEEEEE”

- Jacob why aren’t you wearing a shirt dude omg for the love of God!!!

- I say this with nothing but love for Robert Pattinson, but dude Jacob is so much hotter than Edward. I know this is probably gonna start a fight or whatever but I straight up don’t care

- Poor Jake! He’s trying to tell her the truth but she’s not getting it 😣

- Oh my gosh they’re talking about running away togetherrrrrr 😫 I absolutely DID NOT understand why people thought they had any chemistry in the first one, but I get it now (also @lady-salvatore I haven’t even met the rest of the Wolf boys yet and I already LOVE themmmmm)

- Oh nice! It didn’t take her very long to figure out! Nice detective work Bells!

- OMG THE WOLF BOYS!!!! SHE SLAPPED ONE OF THEM KICK THEIR ASSES BELLA I’M SO PROUD OF YOU OMG!!!!

- Fucking Sam’s like “not my problem” lmao

- @lady-salvatore the wolf boys have been on screen for like 3 minutes and I already love them

- Oh my goodness I already love Emily!!! She’s so pretty holy shit 😍😍 God bless her for managing this whole pack of ridiculous werewolf boys

- Omg I love Sam and Emily ❤️❤️❤️

- I also absolutely love Paul, even though he’s pretty much just come on screen and been a dick 😂😂

- I love Jake and the wolf boys, but I have to say, it would be sick if Bella did a training montage to get some Alaric-level vampire hunter abilities and then just surprised the shit out of the next vampire who tried to step to her

- Lol Harry’s out in the woods covering everybody’s tracks

- OH MY GOD NOOOOOOOO HARRY!!!!!!!! PLEASE tell me he’s not dead!!!!!

- Ok hot take that might get some hate, Bella could’ve had such a good, chill time if she just ditched Edward and moved on with Jake

- Holy shit bro, this movie’s a little darker than I thought it was going to get. Bella’s trying to fucking kill herself. Somebody get her into therapy holy shit!

- Oh good, Victoria the scuba vampire is on her way 🙄

- Dude this is so fucking dark. Bella needed some serious help but no one in her life seemed to recognize it. This is one of the many reasons why getting rid of the stigma around mental health is such a big deal

- NOOOOOO HARRY’S DEAD!!!!! I THOUGHT PEOPLE YELLED AT STEPHANIE MEYER FOR NOT KILLING HER CHARACTERSSSSSSSSS

- Ok yo, I take back EVERYTHING I said about Sam and Emily. He snapped and clawed her face because he got pissed??? BOOOOOO, THAT SUCKS!!!! Never okay, werewolf or not!!!

- Omg Cullens yay!!! Oof, very tense for a lot of other reasons, but I’m happy to see Alice again!!!

- Oh no, she came because she thought Bella died!! And Bella is lying right to her face. SEE THROUGH HER LIES AND CONVINCE HER TO GO TO THERAPY ALICEEEEEE

- GOD AWFUL WET DOG SMELL LMAOOOOOO

- I love Alice so much

- “As soon as you put the dog out” ALICE I THOUGHT YOU DIDN’T MURDER PEOPLE

- Jacob WHAT THE FUCK EDWARD’S GONNA THINK BELLA’S DEAD DUDE YOU’RE FUCKING KILLING ME RIGHT NOW AGHHHHHHHHHHH

- On the whole frustrated by the drama, but as an aspiring storyteller, BIG fan of the Romeo and Juliet reading at the beginning of the movie turning into a parallel with how the plot of the movie progresses

- Jacob, how can you ask her to just let Edward die? Like, the fuck? You can have a relationship talk later, but part of not killing includes preventing death whenever possible?

- Also, poor Charlie holy shit

- YEAH ALICE, PASS THAT FUCKING TRACTOR

- The Volturi look like some unparalleled dramatic bitches

- YOOOOOO Alice’s outfit is rocking!!! Let’s go girl!!!

- Watching this massive festival in a post-COVID world is absolutely wild

- Edward looks like he’s about to streak through the festival like people do at sports matches

- Awwwww omg!!!! I don’t really think their relationship is very healthy, but it’s a story, so it’s cute to see them reunited!!!

- Also Edward is pretty hot, so I guess I take back what I said about Jacob being hotter. They’re tied

- Awwww they’re kissing!!!! Reunited at last 😊

- Jane is super pretty

- Why do they all have red eyes?

- More fantasy stories with supernatural beings should have elevators. Like, the vampires never have massive terrifying lairs with elevators and secretaries

- Omg Michael Sheen!!! I knew I recognized him!!!

- Oh yeah bitch, he can’t read her thoughts either!!! Square up!!!

- Nooooooo Jane back off leave Eddie alone!!!!

- Jane’s brother is also very good looking

- YOOOOO IS SHE IMMUNE TO JANE’S POWER TOO??? Let’s go Bella!!!! But wait, doesn’t Jasper’s power work on her?

- Jeeze, this is a very traumatic last stretch of the movie! The Volturi are power tripping, the Mikaelsons need to roll into town and kick some ass to show them what’s up

- (Speaking of, who do you think would win in a fight between the Mikaelsons and the Volturi? If you read through this much of my post then kudos, and I’d love to hear some discourse about it.)

- Oh my God there’s a KID in that group the Volturi killed!!! Somebody fucking get those bastards!!!

- Cute that Eddie and Bella are back together

- Oh my God, I know I’ve said this like three times already, but POOR CHARLIE. HE HAS TO DEAL WITH SO MUCH SHIT AND STRESS

- Ok, maybe this is me showing my age, but I fully support Charlie trying to keep Edward as far away from Bella as possible. Like, TWICE (at least) she’s had full-on mental breaks because of that dude. I wouldn’t let him near my kid either, if I had one

- Democracy. Clearly the best way to make the vampire decision

- Lmao “it’d be nice to not want to kill you all the time” Jasper I love it

- Awww Rosalie I love you so muchhhhhhh 🥺

- Emmett 😂

- Awww Carlisle!!!! I’m a big fan of the family standing with Bella, and all their reasons

- Jacob what a dramatic way to tell someone you want to talk to them 😂 You could’ve been hit!!

- Awww look at Eddie being the bigger man!

- BOOOOOOO Jacob, let her make her own choices!!

- Based on the vague spoilers I have from being on the internet and knowing what comes next in the plot, I have absolutely no idea what the fuck is supposed to happen in Eclipse. Like how do they get a whole book’s worth of stuff between that and her turning? Cuz her turning is in the last one, right? (No spoilers please, I’m just asking rhetorical questions 😝)

- The fact that Jacob stopped short of hurting Bella even when he was in full wolf-anger mode is all the evidence I need to FULLY disapprove of Sam 😒

- “Just give me five years” you really want Emmett to be able to make even WORSE age jokes about you and Bella??

- “And then forever” AHHHHHH OMG THAT’S SO FUCKING CUTE I CANNNTTTTTTT

- YOU’RE 18 YOU SHOULDN’T BE GETTING MARRIED AT 18 BUT IT’S FICTION SO AHHHHHHH IT’S SO FUCKING CUTEEEEEEE

Omg I loved New Moon!!!! Honestly wasn’t sure what to expect, but I really really enjoyed this movie!!! I’m psyched to watch the next one, although like I said I have NO idea what it’s gonna be about 😂 Maybe their wedding is in Eclipse? Lol I guess we’ll see.

Unfortunately, that’s gonna have to wait a little bit. I’m not going to have time to watch the next movie tomorrow, and I’d stay up, by my dog keeps staring at me with half-asleep looks to guilt me into going to bed with her. The “Sophie Watching The Twilight Saga Saga” will continue on Sunday!

[gaybeauswan]

as wonderful as jake is, imagine a new moon au where instead of bella hanging with jake when the cullens leave she hangs with emmett, the only cullen who Refused to leave

bella wouldn’t get so so so depressed. just very depressed

emmett’s like a big brother to her and whenever she starts a sad little monologue about edward he’s just like “what a PUNK if i ever FIND that MOTHERFUCKER i’m gonna BEAT his ASS”

the scene where mike goes to the movies with them........So Good with emmett in there

bella: i want to do some crazy shit to see edward’s guilt-ghost.

emmett, already on the phone with edward: bro it’s not working just come back so i can kick your ass already

[wallwriterstuff]

The Writings On The Wall

The most up to date masterlist for all the things I’ve written on this blog of mine. We’ll add more as we go! 

Italics = Headcanons

*If it’s in stars* = Preferences

Regular text = written fics 

Please watch for Trigger Warnings and NSFW tags as they may not be appropriate for everyone, view at your own discretion!

Batman:

Damian Wayne: 

When Silence is Deafening (Damian x Batmom)

Dick Grayson: 

What You Need (Dick x Reader) 

Super Stomachs (Dick x Reader)

Jason Todd:

My Weakness (Jason x Female Reader) NSFW

Only You (Jason x Female Reader) NSFW

There’s No Place Like Home (Jason x Female Reader) NSFW

Obey Me:

Only For A Night (Asmodeus)

The Necessity of Love (All Demon Bros)

Supernatural:

Dean Winchester: 

Dating Dean Would Include 

Untitled Pain (Dean x Female Reader)  - TW, this is about undiagnosed illness and has reader has moments of really low self-esteem, please read with caution!

Sam Winchester: 

Dating Sam Would Include

Castiel: 

Dating Castiel Would Include

Important Duties (Cas x Child!Reader)

Miscellaneous SPN: 

*Team Freewill and Holding Hands*

My Ghost (Adam x Female Reader) 

Sweet Things (Child!Dean x Reader x Child!Sam)

*Team Freewill and First Kisses*

*Team Freewill and First Dates*

Twilight: 

Emmett Cullen:

Dream A Little Dream (Emmett x Rosalie with a dash of reader)

Jasper Hale:

Thunderstorms (Jasper x Reader) TW, there is implied PTSD in this one

Alec Volturi: 

They Want Us To Burn 

Chalk Lines (Alec x Reader) Platonic!Mates

S’Language Lessons (Alec x Reader)

Forever Yours (Alec X Female Reader) TW, descriptions of injury and general themese of distress for the first half

Dating Alec Volturi Would Include 

A Little Trouble (Alec x Reader)

Dear Sister Part 1 (Alec x Female reader) 

Dear Sister Part 2 

Obsession (Alec x Female Reader) TW, Yandere Alec, emotional abuse, obsessive/possessive behaviour, implied non-con in the third part, gaslighting in part 2, and graphic descriptions of violence and injury in part 3

When You’re Lost I’ll Leave My Gaslight On - Part 2 to Obsession 

These Violent Delights - Part 3 to Obsession 

My Evil Twin.(Alec vs Jane)

Our Dearest Moments ||Alec Volturi x Reader|| 

All The Colours of The Rainbow ||Alec Volturi x Reader||

A First Time For Everything ||Alec Volturi x Hybrid Reader||

Demetri Volturi: 

The Little Ways You Say I Love You (Demetri x Reader)

Dating Demetri Would Include

 Part 2 to Dating Demetri 

Demetri Reacting to a Stimming Reader TW for anxiety and sensory overload 

Teeth (Demetri x Reader) TW for anxiety and biting

Control (Demetri x Reader) TW for panic attacks, anxiety and sensory overload

Found Family (Demetri x Female Reader) TW for mentions of anxiety and child endangerment 

Baby’s First Christmas (Demetri x Reader)

Little Rabbit (Demetri x Female Reader)

Still Learning (Part 2 to Little Rabbit)  

This Thing You Call Christmas (Demetri x Female Reader) TW for graphic descriptions of injury and torture

Venom Is Thicker Than Blood ||Demetri x Child!Reader|| TW for bad language, descriptions of death, violence and sexual abuse, the reader is a homeless youth

Little Red Riding Hood ||Demetri x SwanSister!Reader|| 

The Big Bad Wolf (Part 2 to Little Red Riding Hood) 

Felix Volturi:

Dating Felix Volturi Would Include 

Get it? ‘Cause You’re Old? (Felix x reader) 

Miscellaneous Twilight: 

From The Doorstep (Demetri x Child!OC)

        Anything You Can Do (Part 2 of From The Doorstep) 

It’s A Chore (Whole Guard)

Alec, Demetri and Felix With A Hybrid Mate

A Stitch In Time (Alec, Jane and Reader) TW, lots of angst, you will need tissues for this one

Sleepy Guards Headcanons

Heidi Volturi:

Ignorance Without Bliss NSFW