#bi polar 2

[canipetthatdeaddove]

Don't wait 11 years to hang the Wolverine art you commissioned.

Don't wait 11 years to use the Hobbit fan art stickers you bought.

Part of me feels childish. The part of me that's concerned with attracting another mature adult for lifelong mating reasons. I'm trying to ignore it because let's be honest; the stickers and posters aren't really what's keeping me from that lol.

I also hung the NCT posters and used the NCT stickers, mostly as stickers to stick the older stickers down lol. (Can one retroactively intend a pun?)

A lot of people in 12 Step say you'll never get clean if you go back to the place you used - I know I heard it 4 years ago during my first and only detox stint. It was so discouraging. The only place I had to go when I got out was back to the place I was drinking myself to death. And for the next four years I didn't bother to do shit about my alcoholic-room because I thought, what's the point?

Perfectionism hinders much progress, and thoughts like, "I really need a coat of paint on these walls before I hang the posters" held me up for years.

I need a new mattress, a new window screen, new trim, some mudding and sanding, the list goes on and fucking on.

The situation, the timing, the alignment - none of it will ever be perfect. But things feel a hell of a lot closer to perfect 219 days sober, life still fucked and walls still ugly, with my posters up and my stickers used.

[trailerparktombombadil]

June 18

Sprayed the vinegar/soap/Epsom salt weed/grass killer.

I damaged some good plants in the process. Feeling like I can't do anything right.

It's just that - a feeling. Mistakes will be made, and what a waste if I don't learn from them. Won't do this on a windy day again, and I'm not sure I like the sprayer. I need something more precise.

Tots and pears for The Mystery, the Green Eggplant, and the sweat pea vines I have busted my ass to get thriving again. :(

Going through a low swing, but still remaining productive. My application for the university I'm looking at was submitted and I did the lovely FAFSA dance. We'll see.

Here's my flower pots for pretties. I've got most of that grass up now thanks to the vinegar solution but this photo was from yesterday. My mouth tastes like pickle-flavored lays thanks to that stuff now.

[slighttemptation]

*sigh*

Who else has Bi-polar 2 and in their depression phase?

Any of you struggle with self harm addiction? I've been sitting in silence for two hours and crying every so often to stop myself from relapsing.

I'm a recovering self harmer for 12 years now, and my last relapse was March 2022.

Tell me what you do to help when you're in these depressive episodes after experiencing hypomania.

Also, I'm six months sober. Never thought I'd see this day.

[ihavenoideahowtodream]

So bipolar ADHD comorbidity sucks for all the reasons bipolar ADHD comorbidity sucks right?

However, the hypomania just deep cleaned my entire kitchen.

I didn't eat and I was in my underwear (and pearls too apparently) and after I zoned back in I realized how much pain I was in. But the appliances are white again.

And the pasta sauce ambiguously labeled "opened 3/21" is no longer in the back of my fridge (I've been in this apartment since 2020).

Update 9 hours later:

I have bought my neice's birthday present.

Sorted my laundry and excavated my couch

Made dinner

Found my bedroom floor

Guys if I keep this up I may be able to kill God before my knees give out. (They are making Sounds and hurt so bad but I keep forgetting they are there)

[nanogono]

generally I do agree with listening to your friends and caring for one another- but then you get those people who think all friendship is, is venting and y'all aren't even close- like i still want to help, but there's a limit. plus, frankly i've gone through so much worse i have a hard time empathizing especially bc she exaggerates to try to elicit sympathy- i don't know how to tell her she'll find more friends if she can just be chill the first few times she meets someone. anyway, personal rant. also, therapists aren't actually for venting at. all y'all whining about your 'stressful' days are why people with actual disabling mental health conditions can't get therapist. thanks y'all've flooded the market and it's much easier to help someone feel better about being nervous about speaking up more than it is someone who is a skitzo or manic and dealing with unmanaged hallucinations. Plus, the pay's the same so who do you think gets the boot? gets the seek help somewhere else? gets the have you tried [mentions the first two obvious resources out of the 40 i've looked into] therapist don't even treat people with "serious" mental health conditions anymore, smh. And it's all thanks to people like you probably.

? where am i

[dorianmathay]

Home | Similes

Hey mom..happy Mothers'Day!

[madraynesims]

Merry Christmas! Early 25th Anniversary Gift from The Sims for The Sims 2, Sims 3 and The Sims 4

Merry Christmas everyone! I thought we could celebrate The Sims 25th anniversary early with some Sims 1 decorations. I hope you enjoy these, let me know if there's any problems! Info below the cut.

The Sims collection file for The Sims 2 and The Sims 3 can be found on my collection files page: Found Here!

Downloads:

The Sims 25th Anniversary Gift - Decor - Merry Christmas! For The Sims 2 - SFS For The Sims 3 - SFS For The Sims 4 - SFS

Alt Download - Patreon Enjoy my work? Consider becoming a Patreon or buying me a coffee!

"Bi-Polar" by Conner I.N. Information: Recreated by BrandonSJ. Extracted and converted by me. The Sims 3: Create-A-Style disabled. Price - §240 Category  - ‘Decorative > Wall Hangings’ Polycount - 44 Texture Size - 512x512 "Blind Date" by I. Roney Information: Model recreated by BrandonSJ. Edited and converted by me. The Sims 3: Create-A-Style disabled. Price - §1,020 Category  - ‘Decorative > Wall Hangings’ Polycount - 64 Texture Size - 1024x1024 Snails With Icicles in Nose Information: Recreated by BrandonSJ. Extracted and converted by me. The Sims 3: Create-A-Style disabled. Price - §2,140 Category  - ‘Decorative > Wall Hangings’ Polycount - 30 Texture Size - 512x512 "Hazard The Guess" by Connor Tiist Information: Recreated by BrandonSJ. Extracted and converted by me. The Sims 3: Create-A-Style disabled. Price - §950 Category  - ‘Decorative > Wall Hangings’ Polycount - 30 Texture Size - 512x512 Empty Circles Again (Serigraph) - by N.I. Strane Information: Recreated by BrandonSJ. Extracted and converted by me. The Sims 3: Create-A-Style disabled. Price - §1,100 Category  - ‘Decorative > Wall Hangings’ Polycount - 30 Texture Size - 512x512 Ferby Soda Sign Information: Recreated by BrandonSJ. Extracted and converted by me. The Sims 3: Create-A-Style disabled. Price - §66 Category  - ‘Decorative > Wall Hangings’ Polycount - 30 Texture Size - 512x512

[tf2heritageposts]

wait i need to share some trivia

so for our abnormal psychology class we had to do research into a particular disorder of our choice, and we chose bi polar (mosrly focusing on bi polar 1), and apparently the ancient greeks would have manic people take baths in lithium in order to calm them down. the first documented case of bi polar disorder was by french psychiatrist Jean-Pierre Falret where he names it (translated from french) “circular insanity”. which yeah that’s what it feels like man

Just curious and genuine question, but do you ever know you’re about to have a manic episode or do certain things trigger it? and which mental illness causes it because i know you have a few. Or is it just all of them?

Trying to write a character with multiple mental illnesses and looking for people with lived experiences if they are comfortable with sharing. I saw your very colorful art you came up with during a manic episode and found it interesting. i also noticed you’re coming out with a LOT of headcanons right now (but don’t stop, they’re great XD)

Sorry if this comes off as rude though.

nah you’re not rude i’m fine with indulging

i’m a psych major as well as just absurdly mentally ill, mania is an extremely interesting symptom to me because it’s caused by an overloading of dopamine in the brain, which means mania can often transition into full on psychotic/delusional episodes as overloading of dopamine is also the cause of schizophrenia. this is why bi polar patients (especially bi polar 1) taking ssris ends so badly

but anyways to answer your questions in order

1. for us personally, our manic episodes are often triggered by us getting embarrassed or overly excited, but today it just randomly happened

2. there is a shockingly large amount of disorders that have mania as a symptom. classically it’s associated with bi polar the most (hence its old name of manic-depressive disorder), BUT its also associated with NPD and BPD!

3. there is no subset of symptoms that will happen in every mental disorder. there are however categories of disorders that share similar symptoms or traits, which is your cluster a-c

4. yeahhhh we are severely mentally ill like i said. we have every cluster b disorder as well as numerous other trauma based disorders so we are a bit insane in the membrane

5. yeahhhh ,:] i’ve taken up to writing to deal with manic episodes lately. in the recent past they really quickly developed into psychotic episodes and past that suicidal episodes, which i’ve unfortunately tormented this blog with in the past. we’re still unmedicated at the moment but i’ve gotten better with knowing when a manic eosifoe starts and if it’s transitioning to a psychotic one so i can get off tumblr and go sort it out ourselves. i am gonna be talking to insurance again so we can get on medication management

[pazzispizookies]

~~~~~~Dangerous Question~~~~~~

Chapter 4; no thoughts.

Hey y’all, I’m back already, seriously guys, y’all are crazy, I went from 0 followers yesterday to now, well I don’t know the exact number but it’s not zero. I love the feedback, you don’t understand y’all make me feel so happy even with anon messages, as always, my DMs and Inbox are wide freaking open, idc you can just tell me your eating a banana and id still love that you reached out. I’m recovering from surgery right now, so writing is my little escape and i hope it brings you some happiness along the way!! Thanks for da love.

September 14th 2023,

Azzis POV;

I woke up before Paige, as usual, whenever we sleep together,

But as I push myself up to look at her, I feel an arm tighten around my waist.

“where are you going?” Paige says, sleepily

“I’m just getting up, we have practice yknow, I can’t stay here forever.”

Paige rolls her eyes,

Her eyes, They grab my attention,

Now that I’m looking at her more clearly, her eyes are bloodshot, she must’ve been up crying.

She told me last night that an Ex of hers or whatever, said something that made her upset…. But I know Paige.

She would never be this upset over something being said online about her, especially if it wasn’t true.

But last night when she was crying in my arms, I let her lie, because whatever it is she’s holding back from telling me, has to be something that’s turning her world upside down. And I don’t want to push her to talk. At least, not yet.

Thinking of last night my memories come back, amongst it all, I told that waiter, whatever his name is, Marc? Mack? That id go to dinner with him.

Why? I have no clue.

“Az, You good?” Paige says,

“Yeah just thinking” I reply,

Paiges arm around my waist feels like it’s burning into me, But a good burning?

I don’t know, but Paige has always been touchy, we’ve always been touchy.

But for some reason her touch feels different today, more loaded.

Before I can think more my phone flashes,

-Caroline; call incoming.

Before Incan start to move Paige grabs my phone and connects the call,

“azzi, you okay? You never came home last night?” I can hear Caroline say,

“Yeah shes good, right Az?” Paige says into the phone while looking down at me.

her answering the phone for me should be annoying, and that’s how Page probably wants me to feel about it.

But for some reason, I don’t hate it,

“Oh uh, hey Paige? Can you hand the phone to Azzi real quick?” Caroline fumbles out, clearly taken back by being met with Paige’s voice.

Without saying anything, Paige releases her grasp on my waist and hands me the phone,

She starts to sit up and sends me a wink, “It’s for you,” she says while standing up and walking off,

all I can do it watch her walk away, because for some reason, I feel a heat creeping in my stomach.

“Az, Are you there?” Caroline says over the phone making me remember shes there.

Putting up the phone to my ear I speak “Yeah hey sorry, what’s up.”

“Okay first off, I don’t want to know what just happened with Paige, Because One, you told me you weren’t going over there, and 2. You definitely didn’t tell me you were sleeping over hers. I thought you died!” Caroline says with a stern tone.

“Sorry mom, yeah I just feel asleep here, but something’s going on with Paige, she’s acting literally bi-polar.” I say back,

“Whatever’s going on with her, you don’t need to worry about, we have practice then a hangout with the team again tonight.” Caroline huffs out, clearly annoyed at me,

“Jeez, what is it with this team and never being apart. Can’t we like not drink for a night?”

“I don’t know, But they said we might go to ted anyways, just get your ass back here.” Caroline says before hanging up the phone.

I place down my phone and start to sit up, finding the strength to stand when Nika comes in the room.

she closes the door behind her and has a knowing expression on her face,

I don’t know Nika very well, but I know that’s shes scary as shit. And I definitely don’t want to be trapped in this room with her.

“hey Azzi, I see you slept over.” Nika slides out, while leaning back on the wall,

Thrown off by her tone, I fumble out “Uh yeah I did?”

Before Nika can retort Paige comes waking in,

“and what’s happening in here?” She says directed at Nika,

It’s almost like her and Paige can communicate just by looking at each other, because at soon as Paige says that and glances at her, Nika backs down,

“Just saying Goodmorning to our guest is all, I’m gonna go get ready for practice, I suggest you both do too.” Nika says while exiting the room.

Once shes out Paige shakes her head and takes a breath,

“sorry about her, shes assuming things,” Paige says, walking to her closet.

what does that even mean? assuming what?

I just decide not to question it, and to get up.

“Um well, I’ve gotta get going before Caro send out a search team, I’ll see you at practice P,” I say to her back while shes in the closet.

Paige turns around and meets my eyes,

“Okay, don’t miss me too much.” she says with a wink,

I roll my eyes and get up, waking out of the room.

I exit the suite and start heading down the stairs to my floor, but as I’m walking I hear my name being called.

“Hey Azzi!” a man behind me shouts.

who would be up at this time, and in my dorm building?

I turn around and see AJ, waking towards me,

I’ve only ever seen him in person a few times, but the other times we’ve texted he’s been nice, Caroline even implied maybe he was interested in me,

“Hey AJ, what are you doing up so early?”

before he answers, he glances down taking in my outfit,

shit,

I totally forgot what I was wearing,

Last night I didn’t have time to change or take off my make up, or undo my hair.

It totally looks like im doing the walk of shame.

“Uhh, I could ask you the same thing, heading to practice like that?” AJ replies while blushing slightly,

“Oh uh yeah, this isn’t what it looks like, I was out at dinner last night and crashed in my friends room.” I ramble, looking down at the floor avoiding eye contact,

Why am I so fucking awkward?

“Oh, yeah well I mean, you look good. But I gotta run, coach might make me sleep on the bench if im not there early, but uh, Ill text you?”

“Yeah, yeah. Talk to you later.” I reply with a smile.

He smiles back before heading the opposite direction.

well maybe this outfit should be my go to.

I walk into the suite and am met by Carolines eye staring intensely at me.

“Uh hey?” I say while moving towards the kitchen counter.

“Hey Azzi, you sleep well?” Caroline says in a unnaturally sweet tone,

“Yeah, I did, and I promise I won’t leave you without texting again.” I say while rolling my eyes and heading to the fridge.

“Good you shouldn’t, the suite was too quiet without your aggressive typing all night. I mean what are you even studying? Classes started a week ago” Caroline says while taking a bit of a banana.

I scoff and grab a power bar, heading to my room,

Caroline calls after me,

“Hey! And tell Marcos I said hi!”

Right.

His name was Marcos.

11 am

Me and Caroline both walk into practice,

and it’s like a movie the way everyone on the team turns and looks at me.

Well not everyone, but the group Nika is hushly talking too.

Aubrey, Nika, and KK with ice all stare at me. Stopping their conversation.

Caroline gives me a nod, asking if I know what’s happening.

I just shrug back because truthfully, I have no clue whats going on,

The rest of practice is a blur, It’s tiring and feels like 2 and a half hours of just straight running.

But I notice all throughout practice, Paige is taking glances at me.

It seems like wherever ever I go her eyes follow, and with that, Nika’s whispering continues.

I don’t know what I did, But this is strange,

I just know I want to get out of this practice.

1:34 pm.

Soon enough practice wraps up, and Paige comes up next to me.

I cant help but notice her toned abs flexing, shining in a layers of sweat, she discarded her shirt earlier, so now there’s nothing on her top half expect for a navy blue Nike sports bra.

I mean this girl must live in the weight room, Because her arms and abs look like something you would find in the military.

“Hey, Az, you checking me out there?” Paige says looking down, following my line of sight,

Well, I kinda was?

I look up at her trying to hide my embarrassment, though I’m meet with her signature smirk.

“You wish, what do you want from me? You tortured me enough this morning,” I say looking up at her.

“Just wondering if you were coming to teds with us tonight, they don’t ID the team so it’ll probably be a ton of drinking, which is know might not be your thing since the whole ‘dying on the bathroom floor’ happened” Paige says while nudging me,

“Uh yeah, Caroline will probably force me to go anyways.” I say,

A voice cuts through,

“Paige cmon, we gotta go! Or else I’m leaving you here!!” Nika shouts out, a few feet away near the door.

Paige turns around, and giving Nika a thumbs up while starting to walk backwards towards her.

“Well ill see you later,” Paige says picking up her bag,

I stand there for a second collecting my thoughts,

My thoughts that consist of very confusing emotions about my best friends muscles. But these are pushed away quickly.

Me and Caroline start walking towards the door and she swings an arm around my shoulder,

“Yknow Azzi, you are soooo pretty, and funny, and may I add, a great basketball player-“ I cut her off quickly, seeing what shes getting at.

“I’ll come to teds tonight, no need for all that.”

Caroline quickly starts bouncing around and obnoxiously skipping towards our car, clearly happy with my choice.

9:45 Pm

Coming out of the shower I start walking towards my bedroom to get ready for the bar, but it seems someone’s already beat me to it.

standing in the middle of my room, with an all too happy smile on her face is Caroline.

“Now what are you doing” I say adjusting my towel.

“wellll, I just thought, maybe you’d like some help getting ready again?” Caroline says while batting her eyelashes at me,

I’m secretly happy shes offering, because the truth is, I was gonna ask her anyways.

“Finneee,” I say while sitting down in my chair,

Caroline sqeels and claps her hands like a little kid, heading towards my closet.

she comes back a minute later holding clothes behind her back,

“Okay, Okay, I know you didnt feel that great about the whole ‘waving your boobs around’ so here’s this” Caroline says pleading

I sigh and prepare myself for whatever she hands me.

Caroline walks towards my bed and lays out a short sleeve, black, open back shirt, and a mini denim skirt.

“Cmon this outfit with your boots, it’s perrrfecttt!” Caroline says awaiting my answer.

I sigh and realize that I’m not gonna win the battle of saying no to that, so I stand up and walk towards my bed taking the clothes and disappearing into the closet to change.

I walk out and Caroline starts making dramatic noises, including wolf whistles and explicit comments.

“Shut up, just help me do my mess of hair.” I say back rolling my eyes but feeling slightly confident from her reaction.

I sit down in my chair and start doing the same makeup that I had on the other night, while Caroline does my hair.

Once were both done I head towards my boots on the floor and grab my bag.

Just as were starting to walk out, I hear a knock coming at the door,

Caroline shrugs and gestures for me to get it,

I open the door to an unexpected guest, Paige.

As soon as I open the door, her eyes scan me.

She’s…checking me out?

Like without hiding it.

I have so many thoughts right now,

and I’m just so confused.

But also, kind of….liking it?

“Hey Az, just dropping off your charger you left it last night.” Paige says, while a slight blush tints her cheeks.

“Paige.” I say, ignoring the charger in her out stretched hand.

“Hm?” Paige says, finally making eye contact.

“Did you just check me out”

“Uh yeah, I did.” Paige says nonchalantly

“And why did you just check me out?” I ask, slightly taken back by her honesty,

“Because, you look….good as fuck. I gotta go, see you in a second.” Paige says with a smirk and a wink while she starts walking off.

what. the. fuck

What just happened.

And

Why am I slightly, turned on?

My brain is fried.

No thoughts,

“Um. What.” Caroline says causing me to turn around.

I don’t even know how to explain her expression, it’s a mix between complete confusion and… more confusion.

“I don’t know. Did that just happen?”

“Mhm.” Caroline answers back, still stuck in place

“and you just heard all that, she just said all those words. out loud.”

“Mhm.” Caroline replies again.

“I need to get drunk.”

“Mhm.” Caroline says, finally moving out of her spot and heading towards the door.

I just follow her out without saying anything, because I’m at a loss of words.

10:18 Pm

Me and Caroline walk into he bar, We quickly spot the table of our teammates in the packed bar.

“Heyyyy y’all!” KK says to me and Caro, already on her 2nd drink, or 8th, it’s hard to tell.

I slide in next to Paige, feeling slightly tense from our conversation,

But clearly I’m the only one feeling this way, because Paige has no issue striking up a conversation.

“Hey you.” She says nudging my shoulder,

“Hey, you wanna go get a drink?” I ask, desperately needing the converatstion to not be awkward.

“Uh yeah sure, you sure you can handle it?” Paige asks teasingly,

“I can handle a lot more than you’d expect.”

Why did I say that,

And why did it come out so sexual sounding.

And why is Paige looking at me like that,

And why does she smell so good?

“Oh yea? You might get me excited there Az.” Paige says, a little taken back by my comment.

“Do you have an off switch?” I say dramatically at her comment,

“No, but you certainly found my on switch,” Paige says with a wink while getting up and walking towards the bar.

I scoff and follow her “That was lame.” I say, because it was. And a little hot.

We walk up to the bar and Paige starts ordering while im standing next to her.

Just as shes ordering, I hear someone behind me shout.

“Hey Azzi!”

I turn around at the call of my name,

Marcos is standing right next to me.

[canipetthatdeaddove]

Today was boo-boo cakes. I'm tired of having bipolar meltdowns on my birthday but I guess I'll just try again next year.

[hyperfixiation-station]

🥺 hi. I get so anxious asking for requests. So I’m sorry if it’s weird. But could I please please Pleaseee get a ghost x fem reader. Hurt to comfort. They were on a mission and she’s there for medic help. Not even to fight. But she got taken by the bad guys. And she gets tortured for information that she doesn’t have. And they play mind games with her. Making her think that they will never come rescue her. They really fully break her body and break her mind by the end of it. But before she thinks she’s about to finally die, Ghost and the others come and save her. And it’s about how the only person she feels safe with after all that is ghost and just him helping her heal and get back to the woman she was before all this. I want it to hurt my soul. 😭 but then there’s hope at the end of it bc they have each other.

My Heart Will Go On

Don't be, I love when people ask me things, and I looooved this request so much!!! I too like to torturehave fun with my OC's :)

TW: Blood, torture, manipulation

Pairing: GhostxReader

Part 2

It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. It wasn’t supposed to happen at all, actually. It was just another mission, another day on the job. You went out with the boys as usual, their assigned medic as theyghost refused to work with anybody else. You weren’t sure why. Maybe it was your soft demeanor, your gentle touch, the way you never judged himthem for anything hethey did. But whatever it was, they liked you, and so with them you went.

You hung back at the evac point, also as usual. Sitting in the truck, first aid kit on your lap, a comm in your ear as you listened to your boys and made sure they were all okay. It was a tense fight, gunshots and pained grunting filling your headset. You were on edge, rocking back and forth as you listened for your que to come in. In fact, you were so focused on the comms that you didn’t even notice the danger you were in until it was too late.

Your first cue something was wrong was when the comms went silent. The sounds of battle filled your ears for hours before getting cut off abruptly. Your hand shot to the comm link, fiddling with it as you frantically tried to reconnect, worried something was wrong.

“Ghost, do you copy?”

“Ghost?”

“Price?”

“Gaz?”

“Can you hear me??” Your voice got more and more panicked as you got no response. You yanked the headset off and shrugged your vest on, kit in hand as you slid out of the truck.

Your second clue something was wrong was when you looked up to see the barrel of a gun pointed directly at your face. You didn't even have time to ask ‘what’ before everything went dark.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hello, princesa.” You blink hard as the blindfold is removed from your eyes. The light is blinding, the splitting headache you got from being pistol whipped only intensifying under the harsh lights.

“Who are you?” You manage after a moment, eyes slowly focusing on the man in front of you. He is large, easily over six foot, and built like an absolute unit. His face is covered by a black balaclava, though his scarred, tattooed forearms are on display.

“Don’t play stupid with me.” His voice is deep and smooth, and if you weren’t in the situation you are in you would have asked him to keep talking.

“‘M not! I don't-"

“Don’t lie to me Princesa. I don’t like liars.” A shiver runs down your spine as his tone darkens.

“But I’m-”

“Ah ah lovie, I am one asking questions here.”

“I wasn’t ask-”

“SHUT UP!” You flinch back at the drastic change in tone, the sound sending bolts of pain through your skull.

“Oh sorry Princesa, did that hurt?” Seriously, you are going to get whiplash from his bi-polar personality, “Forgot you have concussion. Let's get you Advil for that and then we see if you talk, yeah?"

You watch with blurry vision as he leaves the room, slamming the door shut behind him. The sound sends waves of agony through your pounding head, and by the time you can focus again he's back.

All it takes is one well placed blow to the head, an attempt to get you to pay attention, and you're out like a light.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I don’t know anything I swear! Please! I don't know anything!” The sobs tear raggedly out of your throat, already raw from screaming. Your voice is scratchy and broken, but still you can't stop begging.

“I don’t know anything” You sob. Those words, I don’t know, had become your motto over the past few daysweeks(?)

“Oh Princesa. I know.” He croons, running a finger down your bruised face.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Time was meaningless. Has it been 2 days since you were captured? Two weeks? Months? You don’t know. Your meals come at staggered times, and your captors never come at a routine time. The lights turn on and off at staggered times, nothing in a set pattern, a system created to mess with your mind.

Not that you know that. This wasn’t the kind of life you lived. You were a medic for heaven's sake. Your hands had been built to mend, to fix, to heal. Not to clutch at broken bones, to scratch against cement, to be chained and broken. You arewere a gentle creature, not designed for this world of torture and terror.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"They no come for you." You moan as the words pound through your skull, nearly unintelligible.

"Wh'...y'say?" You mumble, voice scratchy and broken.

"You're friends, Princesa. They are no coming for you." He sighs and moves next you, prodding your side with his steel-toed boot, "You are replaceable, your skills are easily replicated, they no spend time and resources to find a simple medic."

"They…'ll c'me." You wheeze, refusing to belive that Price, that Gaz, that Soap, that Ghost, would just...leave you.

He laughs in response, digging his toe into your side until your gasping in pain.

"We shall see, Princesa. We shall see."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You weren’t built for this. Weren’t built to recognize the manipulation, the mind games. Weren’t built to survive the two-face man who was reshaping your brain. The man who was your greatest source of pain, but also your only friend. The man that flayed your flesh open, but soothed and bandaged you when it was all over. This man, who was slowly becoming the only thing you could trust in your unstable world. He may bring you unbearable pain, but he brought you comfort too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"That looks bad, Princesa." The man lightly touches the bones sticking out of your forearm. You whine in pain, clutching it to your chest. He chuckles, wiping your blood off on the cell floor.

"Let's get that fixed up, yeah?" His voice is soft, and gentle, and the nicest thing you've heard in a loooong time. His touch is the same, gentle caresses of bruised and broken skin, revolting and appealing at the same time.

Oh, it's utter agony as he sets and stitches your arm with no pain killers. You scream, back arching, lungs heaving, body seizing.

But after? Oh it's heaven. He holds you, cradling you against his warm body, making sure you don't go into shock, telling you you're a good girl, and that you've made him proud. You hate yourself for it, but you can't help but preen at the praise.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He brings you a calendar. One month. It’s been one month since you got taken.

“It’s been over a month.” He says, a deep voice tinged with pity, “and no sign of your…friends. I’d give up being rescued if I were you, because they clearly have.” You can barely hear him as you stare at the paper in his hands, 31 days marked off with big, bright X’s. 31 days that you have been trapped here. 31 days that your squad…hadn’t come for you. Is he right? Are they really not coming? Did Ghost really give up on you? Are you-

“Ay Princesa, I even did what you asked. I sent your squad pictures and videos that even the greenest tech member could pull some coordinates from, but nothing. It’s like I said. Your ‘friends’ don’t care for you. They are not coming for you. I am your only friend in this place. Tell me, who bandages your wounds, who feeds you, who makes sure your living space is comfortable?”

“Y-you do.” You whisper uncertainty, “But…you also hurt me, don’t you?”

“Oh Princesa, I wouldn’t hurt ya if y’ would just listen. It not torture if you're disobedient. It's just…punishment.” His voice is sickeningly sweet, “And you just back-talked me. Do you remember what happens when you try to give me sass?”

"I get…punished." You mumble, cheeks flushing with shame.

"Obviously, you fucking idiot. I mean how."

"I…you…I have to do affirmations."

"Look at that, y'r gettin' it!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Say it again." He snarls. You sit in front of a mirror, face bruised, bleeding, and swollen.

"I 'm r'pl'c'able, my friends…'re n-no'...c'min'...I 'm no' l'v'ble…I 'm r'pl'c'…able." You whisper for the hundredth time.

"Again."

"I 'm r'pl'c'able, my friends 're no'...c'min'...I 'm no' l'vable, I 'm r'pl'c'…able."

"Again!"

"I 'm r'pl'c'able, my friends 're no'...c'min'...I 'm no' l'vable, I 'm r'pl'c'…able."

He makes you keep going, repeating those 4 sentences until you literally can't make sound anymore, a fact he tests by seeing how much it takes to get you to scream. You pass out before he gets anywhere.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Ghost?"

"Simon?"

"Please."

"Why are you not coming for me?"

just FYI if the timing seems disjointed and the speech is wierd, that is intentiweird,

anyways I hope you liked it!!!!

[slighttemptation]

I'm literally losing my mind.

I've been having a mental breakdown every single day for the past five days. I can't even keep it together at work.

I'm taking next week off and working from home... I'm trying so fuckikg hard to not relapse with my self harm....

What's does one do? I can't believe how debilitating this is.

[yingdu-lover]

gay gay homosexual gay : link click Yingdu episode 4, Yaoi cocaine and shoujo agenda and why it matters

Part-1/?

I will not talk about anything serious, it's pure crack (and my horny thoughts) and at this point I don't even care about the plot rn rn. Let the plot flow I'll catch up with it later.

Highlights of this episode

1. Xia Fei and Vein being spouses for 15 minutes straight (on screen and off screen)

2. Cheng xiaoshi's bi awakening era strengthening

3. Lu Guang being a cat for the entirety of the episode

4. Vein's Chinese and Lu Guang's English are making me question my sexuality (vein and lg are transmasc and gender queer to me so technically it's not a problem but I've never ogled at apparent amab bodied people so)

5. Holy fuc, fucing fuc, Lu Guang, that body of yours is absurd!

6. And...they pushed two beds to make one!

7. Another ao3 trope coming to reality : sickfic and hurt/comfort

8. Comedy runs all through the episode

9. Lu Guang and Cheng Xiaoshi being comic spouses (may ramble a bit seriously on this)

10. Xia Fei doesn't like Liu Xiao and that's NEWS!

11. Xia Fei's attitude changing at the mention of Vein

12. Liu Xiao's 'friend' agenda and his (palpable) connection with Lu Guang intensifies

13. "You look tasty" 😍

I am rewatching right now, so that I can create a master-crack-post on episode 4.

Let's begin!

I have been mimicking Xia Fei's 'laoban!' for 5 minutes straight lmao. The way Vein looked back and we see a teared up Xia Fei... Ugh that's so nyaka of him tbh. Like a spoiled little wife, precious damsel in distress crying in relief when his husband/saviour arrives (btw when I refer Xia Fei as 'wife' and Vein as 'husband', I do not imply any kind of comphet homophobic standards, some classic/popular culture tropes just fits very well)

Lu Guang is behind Cheng Xiaoshi cause he is scared as fuck and his cat eyes are posing a threat "come near me and I'll scratch your face!" Myriad of emotions, though completely polar opposite to each other, are painted on lg and xf's faces while Cheng Xiaoshi is standing there with his signature : head emptu no thot style.

But the first shot of Vein made him look much younger actually. My red hot pookie 🎀. I need his eyeliner tutorial tho.

Am I wrong for saying his aesthetics scream transmasc lesbian 😭

Honesty speaking when your wife is just standing there, you should not approach a random stranger and pass the remark : you look tasty 😏😋 like sirrrr 🤨

Xia Fei, knowing his husband's antics, is still a bit frustrated here.

Lu Guang's 'don't dare you touch my bitch!' attitude was so spot on! 🤣 it's a shoujo romcom , ain't no way that's just the scene of a traumatized man defending his partner (in life and death) from his murderer. That's more like : he is my maal, back off!

The vile in lu guang's voice when he said, " He said... ni hao" was so delicious!

Cheng Xiaoshi used all of his english knowledge in one sentence and Vein is smiling. Lu Guang and Xia Fei, nerd bitches are judging him so hard but too polite to point it out. Lu Guang is disappointed that Cheng Xiaoshi is again shaking hands with a man (his murderer even!) like " Ik i am done with this shit! " and Xia Fei... probably doesn't like some other man shaking hands with his husband (moreover when your husband says something like "you look tasty" to a random man he just met, when he should have approached you first and patted your head). Both of those nerd bitches are jealous and irritated the way they should be. People! collect your own maals and move. Don't be greedy, that's the sin they talk about in the bible. (Also imagine if veifei switch, it will be SO GOOD)

But Vein looks very cutie pootie happy fruity when he shakes hands with Cheng Xiaoshi tho. Vein, your fashion sense is top notch, your make up 10/10, your braid, I will put pearl hair ornaments on it. He is so perfect, so perfect, I just can't 😭. Xia Fei, keep your man safe or I'll just pounce on your husband. His voice so deep you can hear lesbians drowning.

You know those specific type of people who support their spouse's rights and wrongs no matter how weird and undefendable they are? Xia Fei actually wanted to have a talk with Cheng Xiaoshi patiently explaining "he didn't want to say that, I hope you don't mind, his intentions are not bad, (my husband) is like that sometimes, even if I have pointed it out to him countless times but he doesn't listen. I hope you don't mind, want to go for a walk together tomorrow? "

No, I mean...that is the LEVEL of emotional intimacy you could yearn for. They are very very explicitly spouse-coded that my head hurts.

Oh. My. God. Vein's formidable glare when someone attempts to hurt his wifey~ hot! hot! hot!

It's giving 'omae wa mou shindeiru'

It's so refreshing to get those shoujo tropes back. You can't deny that THIS is the focus of this scene. The interpersonal dynamics and not the main plot. Why would you need that rock to hit Xia Fei specifically? And those close up shots. It's very recognisably shoujo you can't convince me otherwise.

YES, KING 👑, HOW DARE THEY HURT YOUR QUEEN?! You are standing in Vein's vicinity and daring to hurt his Xia Fei's pretty face? you are damned, you are damned, dude.

I can't help attaching this video clip because I simply can't resist

This is simply...peak!

the way he saves xia fei

"the youth these days don't seem to know their manners" (the youth these days don't know how dangerous it is to mess with boudi when dada is around)

THE SONG STARTS PLAYING, BANGER! ABSOLUTE BANGER!

compulsory danmei flashbacks where those chinese fans are lethal spiritual weapons

I love every inch of his being, I understand you, xia fei, I understand you so much i can't-

and here LMAO 🤣 kitty reclaims his own maal too. I mean it's so funny how this scene is pure comedy. "come here you little bitch!"

It's funny how in these first few minutes, people (xia fei and lu guang) are very frustrated and want their partners' attention back. Lu Guang has his own reason but STILL it's so shoujo. sorry.

it's the first part of my episode 4 rambles and it will continue until I am satisfied. the agenda is gay, it has no relevance to the main plot of link click whatsoever (or... really? 👀)

but before ending the first part, I wanna say something

Personally, I don't think the relationship between Xia Fei and Vein is toxic. Vein's profile released today

his dislike includes : Lying

his character pv bloody storm continually asserts that whatever he does, he does with dignity. He may be evil but not machiavellian, that's Liu Xiao's department. And idk my *heart* says to me, he is not cruel, abusive and manipulative towards Xia Fei. He genuinely cares about him. There may be other reasons Xia Fei is important to the plot but Vein has a soft corner for him. It's a very irrational but strong innate voice that's telling me to have faith in my veifei and I will.

Actually, I have very few ships I am actually invested in. and crazy like this. I love reading different permutations and combinations of ships but I never emotionally invest. Johnlock, Wangxian, Shiguang...these are the only ships I am devoted to. But their own interpersonal relationships come from a...what should I say, 'clean' and 'innocent' and 'pure' background. It's the society and fate that brings chaos to their relationship. But Veifei is different. But I ship them with no less passion.

[shaylogic]

Wishlist for DBDA Season 2:

A proper noir episode that plays off Edwin's fondness for traditional detective stories

Significantly more focus on Niko's character now that the traditional comic trio had season 1 to establish. Exploring her father's afterlife situation, meeting up with her Mom, discovering her own strength and skills (especially if she has supernatural powers after the polar bear figurine)

More of Charles' living backstory and family mystery possibly reflecting the comics

Edwin's living backstory and family, whom we know next to nothing about even in comics

Crystal picking up more tech/hacking skills

Cryland Crystal x Charles relationship dynamics: conflict around her bully side, trauma-bonding and conflict around the different kinds of shitty parents they have (which so far has been something Crystal's been better about with Charles than Edwin has been)

Monty, Jenny, and Cat King all move to London with the squad. Idc how or why. I'll accept any reasoning.

Happy lesbians or other wlws!!! Didn't quite get that in season 1.

More Kashi! What is going on with him? He seems important

An episode where one of the main characters is stuck floating upside down like in the Topsy-Turvey comic, and the others take turns holding their hand like they're a balloon

Squooshing and the Ghost Roads

More worldbuilding of realms (Neitherlands?) and ghost rules/abilities

Crystal resolving buried David of course

Desire of the Endless interaction with the rest of our queer characters (which is basically all of them)

Flashback montage of the silly early cases Edwin & Charles did together in the past that they referenced in season 1

Flashback on how the boys began their Detective Agency: their very first case.

Expand their first meeting in the attic scene to include if they actually spoke to Death, what happened to their bodies, and showing them realizing the school is covering them both up

Return to St. Hilarion's. Put bodies to rest. Burn it to the ground.

Edwin new outfit. Once done with the school visit and flashbacks, he should pick something mature and individual to separate the new him from the death trauma time

Jenny's new role in the agency group now that she's aware and sees ghosts. Bonus points for goth knowledge

Charles crop top for the fans

Charles figuring out his 🤞 bisexuality 🤞 this season much like Edwin worked through his internalized homophobia in season 1. We desperately need meaningfully in depth, genuine, quality bi rep in media and I trust this show with it. (Shout out to Nick Heartstopper though)

Payneland dynamics: still slow-burn figuring out their relationship as friends or more now that the confession is known. By the end of season 2 and Charles bi journey?, relationships start to shift a bit from Cryland to Payneland perhaps... [I love them both honestly]. Just when Edwin is making up his mind to put his crush on Charles aside and start looking for his "adventure of the heart" elsewhere, that's right when Charles starts to get more interested. And we may expect him to get all flirty but he actually gets more nervous and genuine with Edwin.

Monty becomes humanoid again and is learning who he is out on his own. Maybe he gets a job and apartment. Trying to figure out his purpose as an individual instead of familiar.

Cat King has a name, an animated backstory, and a new love interest that sees through his bullshit and keeps him humble

Feel free to add your own wishlist in the reblogs/comments! <3

[sugar-petals]

I screamed when I saw Tim on your feed yes we love a pretty guitar man

finally a fellow Tim Henson enthusiast!! 🎉

guess we have a type (= overqualified youtube twink w/ a futuristic fashion sense aka the best young guitarist out there 🗣).

risky post incoming cuz he's HOT & i love hands

[for those who don't know who this pretty boy is: tim's yt | tim's ig | tim's twt | about his band polyphia]

i agree he's gorgeous: jealousy magnet, mr henson has it all!!

- the delicious ink 😍 (neck tattoo: the sign of a masochist)

- 0% gravity hair (those fluffy waves! looking so soft tim, geez 🤒)

- the sexy 8 string guitar, cause he can, how does he do that??

- the alt beauty (tim radiates haughty expensive power bottom who talks back to get punished ngl, he's prog rock's #1 it boy)

-the sweater game, all day, every day (unmatched)

-the best technique. ice cold (easily most proficient hands in the music biz as of lately 😏 people either 1. hate him to the death or 2. need him carnally for this lmao, love me a polarizing guitar prodigy)

-A WHOLE FEMBOY BODY (even his ass is huge as of recently!! and the waist keeps getting smaller helpp)

I'm going feral over his body linee don't @ me!! how smokin' could anyone be??

-the actual live skills, not just yt editing (needless to say! any straight or bi man should be able to move his fingers like that hhh there I said it 😂 tim keeps the standards as high as he is lmao)

-the studio (oh the things that should be happening on that chair! ...anyways: it's so modern but not boring, i like it)

-the stylish guitars with the floral fretboards (guitar fuckers assemble!!! finally nylon strings are back thanks to him 💕)

-even more gorge guitars YES model it for us legend!!

-plus he's got an all-round good taste in everything. quality is key! composition and character is always a matter of taste. but timmy never dropped a bad video, bad promo, bad album covers, bad vlogs, bad cinematography, bad advert, bad ig post, bad anything. he's always the sassiest gnc slayer short king golden boy in the room doing the most 👑

...and seriously tho tim being texan youth i respect him defying the status quo!! that's real rock'n'roll☝️ he dressed for women and tops on the internet just to serve and confound some boomers along the way! prince would be proud 😎

homophobes leaving him anti-androgynous/misogynist/bodyshaming comments just can't cope with the sexiness, which he never compromised🤘 i truly pronounce tim bi ppls' favorite. since apparently nobody except the guitar community wants him we now own this man 🔥

-BONUS: last but not least look at this silver ibanez. look at it! tim is a design and aesthetics icon i rest my case... that many people still don't know about him is beyond me. he deserves all the clout!

i mean even personally... he's the kinda guy where you don't know if you came for the looks/fit or the skills and you stay for both! his playing style never disappoints. i always look forward to him dropping new material. tell me what your fave tim piece to listen to is ❤️

[fanaticsnail]

Tobiuo 飛魚 (トビウオ)

Snail's One Piece OC.

Overview

Extended

Name: Tobiuo “Flying Fish” (Pronunciation: “To-bi-yo”)

Race: Fishman Class: Fighter Crew: Heart-Pirates

Pronouns: She/Her Age: 28 Height: 7’2

Appearance: Skin is a cool blue palette, accents of teal and pastel pink in sunlight. Her hair is a dark navy colour, almost like squid ink. Under unnatural UV, raised spots and diamond-shaped scales glow like bioluminescent coral.

Peculiarities: Has gills on her face and neck, her eyes have no pupils, her tongue is barbed, and her teeth are pointed. Has webbed hands and feet, has webbed ears that triangulate out like fins of a flying fish. She cannot speak above water, her voice was not made to carry in air (her kin are of greater depths: Down Under). She uses sign language (Auslan), and will whistle to bring attention to her so she can communicate. Her voice can be heard under water, but it is far easier to communicate through sign. She is also amphibious.

Love interest: Heat (Kid-Pirate Crew Member)

Heart-Pirate History: Was found by Trafalgar Law, Bepo, Shachi and Penguin entangled in barbed nets close to Sabaody Archipelago in a state of panic, frantically attempting to claw herself free. She was heavily injured as she fought her way off a courier vessel bound for the auction house, but has no memory of how it occurred. A slash mark of a blade on her outer thigh was the only remaining injury that healed over in a raised welt of silver. The courier vessel was destroyed, Tobiuo was the sole survivor of both manned crew and slaves for auction. Most of the Heart-Pirates understand her sign after a few months, and use it to their advantage to communicate at greater distance, or in silence while attempting to remain stealthy in covert operations.

Role: She is Law’s security officer, hand to hand and tridents are her specialties. Considering Law is a Devil-Fruit user, she is on retrieve duty if he falls overboard.

Fighting: Fishmen are stronger, faster, and tougher than humans: Tobiuo is no different. She much faster under water, more deadly and lethal. May become worked up into a battle-like frenzy and overcome with rage (Berserker) in the heat of fight. This numbs her to pain until after the battle is over.

Personality: Physically quiet due to her mutism above water, but has a bright sense of humor and is highly expressive with her body language and sign. Is very much akin to a older sister to the crew, and will scold with an arched brow and purse of her lips if she witnesses them behaving recklessly. Loves to laugh, dance and tease with the crew. However, if the crew tease and prod too much, she will pick them up as if they weigh nothing and confine them to quarters until they apologise - or simply hover them over the side of the Polar Tang and threaten to drop them in the ocean while they flail wildly.

Notes: I love Auslan (Australian Sign Language). I learnt Auslan "key sign" for work, and have used it since with my family. Tobiuo is a reflection of my love and respect for sign, and I adore her.

Art, Fics & Chats:

Lost in Translation

First Meeting

Heat and Feet

Height with the Heart Pirates

Tobiuo's colour palette

Between the Tang and the Victoria

In a bit of a pickle

Dialogue about Tobiuo

Searching (part 2: writing one-piece spoilers)

Ten questions

Four more questions

Don't be shy

Attraction

Pool Day

Please

Dance Night

Digital Art

Perfection (fic)

Beach Day

Wano

Security Drill

Grinning

Wanted poster

Retractable shoulder wings

Wings expanded

Shower

Heat's Beer

"Kid Pirate" Tobiuo

Tobiuo's Glare: semi-realism

Tobiuo gets a present

Teat: Tobiuo x Heat ship dynamic

Kisses

Meme

Reunited (fic)

It was an accident

He's never going to let her go

The moment they knew they were in love

I'm with you

Romantic kiss

When someone knows your language (Tobiuo x Wire, platonic)

Tobiuo in casualwear

Squeeze

Tobiuo By Others

Modern Au: The Death Doula and The Undertaker

The Sound of Silence: Heat x Tobiuo

Moodboard: Art by @/skullfacedlady (centre image), @/thenotsofantasticlifestory (Kiki [OC] x Tobiuo x Heat). The other images are stock photos or found on Pinterest. Drawn art here is by me.