#beware your friend palpatine

[phoenixyfriend]

Holiday Rec List

Alright, got a couple requests on this post, and I'll toss in some holiday-ish fics as well. I'm going to keep this list to Star Wars.

Time Travel - Got its own post

Friends to lovers

The most unique concepts you’ve come across

Leaning more into the prequel tragedy vibes, even through AUs

Holiday Fics

In my cultural background, presents are given on New Year's Day due to changes that were enacted a few decades back to marry the several religions and different calendars that were in use throughout Yugoslavia. Christmas is Jan. 7th for me and mine, but Dec. 25th for the Croats, and the Bosniaks were majority Muslim, so the the gift giving was moved to the secular holiday instead, and a lot of people never switched back.

The clock just hit midnight. Happy New Year! Here's the gift!

(I've tagged what authors I could.)

Friends to Lovers

I find this prompt a bit broad, but here's a few good ones.

Rivers and Roads by PhenomenalWoman This is an Anakin Skywalker/Kitster Banai fic, with an overarching plot of Saving Tatooine.

you, or your memory by cinnamonsalt Obikin, Amnesia AU. Obi-Wan, not remembering how he half-raised Anakin, no longer has any compunctions against flirting with his best friend.

In Your Dreams! by @exonerin Mermaid Anakin! Dream invasions! Also Obikin.

To Our Halcyon Days by @krispyscreams, @lothcatthree QuinObi, and IDK if I'd call it Friends to Lovers so much as Friends to Lovers to Friends to Married to Co-Parents to Friends to--

A Smile Full of Sunshine by @jayofolympus Anidala falling for Rex, who is already dreadfully in love with them both.

24 Seconds by @c-m-li-s-fanfic-corner QuinObi, though it's mostly in hindsight? IDK I just wanted an excuse to recommend this one, it's really good.

The Creche by @blue-sunshine-mauve-morning Obikin, but they don't meet until Anakin's an adult and already considering Ahsoka for an apprentice... and Ahsoka's crechemaster is Obi-Wan! They become friends, get a little side-tracked by a bunch of drama that often takes the shape of Qui-Gon Jinn, and then resolve things to kiss.

falling up by @obiwanobi, @shatouto More of a... Enemies to Friends to Lovers then just the last two. Obikin, unsurprisingly (y'all have the best fics for some reason, I swear), in a RaisedSith!Ani universe.

He Said Yes by @threebea QuinObi, omegaverse, very qpp. Are they even lovers? Unclear. They're married, though.

Concord Dawn Bed & Breakfast by @ironhoshi Modern AU, QuinObi. Obi-Wan's family inn is haunted. Like, so haunted.

Out in the Corner of the Dark with You by @kazmirone Another Obikin! This one's omegaverse.

within and without by @maderilien Rexwalker go on a date!

Supplemental Equipment Maintenance by subtropicalStenella Time to get some Rexsoka in here! It's very, very horny, and very, very explicit. Fun!

Most Unique Concepts

Post Order 66 Exile AU by @livsy Partial O66 AU, lots of dead Jedi but not all. Everyone wants Anakin to be locked up or even executed for the Vader Stuff, but instead he's taken away by Obi-Wan for In The Field Rehabilitation. I'm not describing it well, but it's a very easy fic to get invested in.

The Dutiful Wife by Dirtymindtrick (Dancinglightsabers) X-rated, noncon bodymod, noncon sex. But damn is it unique. (Palpatine/Obi-Wan, beware the tags)

stubborn in the bones by @tideswept Anakin is a magical panther cub. Then he grows up and turns into a catboy, and it becomes Obikin.

The Care and Feeding of Our Jedi by @bitter-chocolate-stars I love a good epistolary fic, and this one is real solid. Clones POV.

Palpatine is Arrested for Fashion Crimes by @jedi-order-apologist Exactly what it says on the tin.

ForTheRepublic.mp4 by @padmestrilogy You don't need to know the YouTuber being referenced to find this funny, but it sure does help. Also, nothing can sell this one better than the official summary:

Popular HoloTuber Spacebomberguy uploads an exposé on Chancellor Palpatine, resulting in destructive results.

Skywalker Family Values by Ariel_Sojourner Did you ever want canonverse Parent Trap AU where Luke and Leia decide to sabotage an imperial propaganda event and it helps topple Sidious? It's the best.

The Warrior and the Pacifist by @threebea I'm biased but everyone should read this. Duke Kryze/Jaster Mereel.

Some Assembly Required by beasfics Seemingly on hiatus? But the premise is very fun, that Myles the Mandalorian and Obi-Wan have a bond for years before they ever met, and it has... consequences? Results. Effects. Things happen, basically.

sometimes, the feeling is right by @ossidae-passeridae Obi-Wan is intersex, in a way that's reflective of real-world forms of intersexuality. The fic is from the POV of his rather frustrated medic.

Lion Jinn by @esamastation After the events of TPM, Anakin breaks into a zoo in Theed, and steals a lion cub that is apparently Qui-Gon Jinn reincarnated.

every planet, every star, every single grain of sand by @loosingmoreletters Just gonna use the author's summary:

In which Darth Vader finds 9-year-old Luke on Tatooine, proceeds to have a breakdown, kills Palpatine and makes his preteen son Emperor, as you do. Otherwise known as the Adventures of Teeny Tiny Emperor Luke and his Royal Dad Guard Darth Vader.

Rulebreaker/Wildheart by chapstickaddict IDK if I'd call it unique as a concept (raised a Sith!Anakin, after Padme's death, falls in love with Obi-Wan), but it's uniquely good in its execution, so I'm counting it. I think about it often, and some of it has definitely influenced my own writing and AUs.

Fishhooks by @yellowocaballero Boba was quick-aged to about eight years old and then decanted to age normally, so he's about eighteen at the time of the war, and doing a Mandalorian rumspringa. Unfortunately, little sister Omega, ten years old, stows away with him, and Kamino is pissed about it.

My Dad the Purge Trooper by @nutella531 Purge Trooper Cody takes his job, "protect Luke" very seriously. So seriously that he abducts the kid to protect him from Vader.

R2-D2 Saves the Galaxy (Okay, so Obi-Wan helps a little) by @feybarn Exactly what it says on the tin. Takes place in AotC. R2 causes Obi-Wan to become an unwilling emperor, among other things. The entire fic is just comedic escalation after comedic escalation, purely accidental on Obi-Wan's part, and very much intentional on R2's.

A Star to Steer By by @dogmatix, @norcumii Okay so yes it's a crossover and thus by default much more unique. But also. It's so good, guys. I read this before I watched Stargate, and it was just as amazing then. It's like 115k so far and not yet done. Go read it, shoo.

Pitter Patter by IronCannon There are tiny versions of the Jedi that live parallel to the Jedi themselves. Sometimes multiple versions of a given Jedi!

Unmake Me (Not For Long) by Utter_Immolation Winter Soldier Ahsoka.

forge the iron in your veins by @afearsomecritter To quote the summary: "The Jedi are warships, and the clones were made for them."

Legally Blonde Jedi AU by @trixree After Melida/Daan, Obi-Wan didn't rejoin the Jedi. He went to law school. Then became a lawyer, married Maul, and adopted Anakin Skywalker. Not in that order. Also most of it is Fox POV. And it's amazing.

The Corteous Art of Correspondence During A Galactic War as Performed Aptly by Certain Sith and Jedi by @je-suis-deux Epistolary fic. Rael sends letters to Count Dooku. They're not very pleasant letters.

Be Careful What You Sith For by @11paruline44 Sithly magic reveals 'cause of death' for every individual in the galaxy! Things happen quickly after that.

Untitled Soulmate Game by @twilightofthe ObiAnidala are being harassed by magic geese into soulmate-hood. This is one of the first Star Wars fics I ever read. I still come back to it sometimes.

Prequel Tragedy Fics

in the fractions of our lives lost to peace by @loosingmoreletters Force Dyad but make it horror.

Twilight on Owl Creek Bridge by @yellowocaballero I'm also reccing this in the time travel list, but it is SUCH a good tragedy. Leans heavily into how the march of a whole government towards fascism isn't something that can be avoided with just one small change. There is no one big shift.

at the edge of the cliff by @loosingmoreletters Anakin doesn't fall during RotS, and neither does the Republic... but Padme's still dead, and Anakin's teetering at the edge of a cliff.

Well It Goes Like This by orphan_account Anakin doesn't fall during RotS, but it doesn't fix much. He saves a single creche clan on his way out of the Temple. After that, it's just a matter of surviving.

No Choir by @adiduck Obi-Wan and Cody on Tatooine after O66 (platonic). Also heavily intertwined with Owen and Beru and Luke.

between pole and tropic by Anonymous Anakin/Rex/Maul. Even without Anakin succumbing to the dark in RotS, someone must. Anakin's also very untrusted by the Jedi at large because they found out about the Tuskens right after AotC.

[lurkingleighbee]

now picturing sheev as a fat cat sitting snuggly on a pillow, glaring down at us all. :) fan artists - to your drawing boards!!!

Hi! I hope you get this ask because I can't stop thinking about THIS:

so we know that ultimately falling/becoming a sith is eventually gonna be a miserable experience full of suffering. We can see this in many sith/fallen BUT uh,,, sheev seems to be as comfy in the dark as a cat who just stole your pillow? Like, where is HIS suffering, his agony? (Because if someone truly deserves it its him lmao).

I admit im not really deep into the lore surrounding his past before ep1, but from what i can tell not much is actually canonically known?

Hi! I've thought about this as well and I don't think I've ever seen George Lucas comment on this, so it's not like I have quotes to pull out to back things up, but here's what I think: The way the dark side works is: "What happens when you go to the dark side is it goes out of balance and you get really selfish and you forget about everybody … because when you get selfish you get stuff, or you want stuff, and when you want stuff and you get stuff then you are afraid somebody is going to take it away from you, whether it’s a person or a thing or a particular pleasure or experience." --George Lucas, The Clone Wars writers' meeting In a lot of ways, I think Palpatine is more an avatar of the dark side than an actual character, so he doesn't really have feelings or an arc per se, he's just there to be the devil that lures people over to the dark side or torments them or sets up the plot to trap the good guys. But I also think you can look at the character as someone who is never going to be satisfied, that on the surface he cackles gleefully or smirks like he's enjoying himself, but I think underneath all that, there's just an empty, bottomless hole that will never have enough stuff or power to satisfy him. He could have been satisfied being the Chancellor of the Republic, but that wasn't enough. He could have been satisfied being the Emperor of his Empire, but that wasn't enough. He could have been satisfied being an incredibly strong Force user, but he had to undercut and torture Anakin Skywalker, and it wasn't enough. He always wanted more. More power, more strength, more control over others, more people to manipulate, more immortality. And some part of him always was afraid that someone was going to come take it away from him, that's why he was so focused on Anakin Skywalker, someone powerful enough to do that. That's why he was so focused on the Jedi, people powerful enough that they could have stopped him without the political trap he set for them. I think Palpatine wanted more and more and more, none of it was ever enough, and no amount of cackling glee, no amount of tiny moments of pleasure, endless moments of pleasure, was ever going to be enough. "Where joy, by giving to other people you can’t think about yourself, and therefore there’s no pain. But the pleasure factor of greed and of selfishness is a short-lived experience, therefore you’re constantly trying to replenish it, but of course the more you replenish it, the harder it is to, so you have to keep upping the ante. You’re actually afraid of the pain of not having the joy." --George Lucas, The Clone Wars writers' meeting I think that Sheev Palpatine is the embodiment of that quote. That he was constantly upping the ante because he was so afraid of not having it, because each one was a little less satisfying than the one before it, because it was never enough of what he wanted.

[ooops-i-arted]

Palpatine memes

or, as I call them,

PALPAMEMES

[dalekofchaos]

What if Mace Windu trained Anakin Skywalker

In an au where Mace is chosen to train Anakin, The council decides to honor Qui-Gon's wishes and train Anakin, but recognizes his emotion and age would make a poor combination as a first student for a fresh Jedi Knight. Mace Windu is given the task of guiding Anakin's force potential and emotional tendencies. How does Vapaad's capacity to harness emotion harm/help Anakin?

First off we know that Anakin is controlled by his emotions, and the Jedi Council senses his emotions such as fear for his mother that could lead him down to the path to the Dark Side. Mace Windu knows how to control the dark side, he uses his dark and volatile emotions and channels them into his lightsaber fighting form. He walks a fine line and knows how to control both sides. This is exactly what Anakin needed. Where Obi-Wan was inexperienced (and barely being a Knight) and believed in always remaining calm, not using his emotions at all, he didn’t help Anakin. Anakin couldn’t ignore his emotions, it is who he is, he’s a very emotional person and ignoring his emotions isn’t going to help him. Mace could’ve straightened him out and taught him how to channel his emotions into his fighting, that is what he needed. Not ignoring his emotions but learning to control them. Had he done that, he wouldn’t be the same Anakin in AOTC.

Few scenarios

During the Republic and Clone Wars

Windu's and Anakin's personalities mesh really well. Windu sees Anakin as like himself when he was younger so he gives him plenty of attention and helps him to avoid pitfalls that he otherwise would have fallen prey to. Anakin seeing Windu as a mentor that gets him. 

Anakin’s Lightsaber is just like that in canon, only this time his hilt is made of Electrum and has a purple Crystal.

Depa Billaba is like Anakin’s big sister. Always being there for Anakin to confide in before he gets close to Master Windu. And when Anakin was still in training she promised to kick anyone’s ass who dared bullied Anakin or calling him slave(followed by Mace yelling NO YOU FUCKING WON’T) needless to say, Anakin would never confide in Palpatine while Mace and Depa are around.

Despite Anakin and Obi-Wan not being master and apprentice, they form a close friendship

Mace would encourage Anakin to make friends with his fellow Padawans. 

Mace eventually instructs Anakin in the philosophy and use of Vapaad. During their first training session Anakin instinctively grasps the binary concept of the style and gives himself to the intense, synergistic heat of the battle, fueling his moves with both the light and dark side of the Force. Mace, realizing he's sparring with someone who truly gets the style, lowers his mental defenses and fully commits to the passion and intricacies of Vapaad. The duality of the style creates a closed feedback loop where the energy of the Force flows freely between the two in a way that has never happened before.  

With visions of his mother troubling Anakin, perhaps Mace would send a Jedi to Tatooine to make sure Shmi is alright. Maybe make it in time to stop the Tusken Raiders.

With Mace captured, Anakin would want to save Mace as much as Padme.

Anakin might never have lost his arm to Dooku. Logically, he wouldn't even have been there since he'd be with his master, Windu. Even if he had been sent to help Kenobi, he would have acted less brashly, being better disciplined by Windu. So there's significant difference just through ep2.

With their closer relationship, I can see Anakin confiding in Mace about his relationship with Padme. Anakin is afraid. Mace first instinct would be to tell the Council, but perhaps Mace Windu can tell Anakin the legend of Jolee Bindo. Basically telling him. "Love doesn't lead to the dark side. Passion can lead to rage and fear, and can be controlled, but passion is not the same thing as love. Controlling your passions while being in love.” “The lesson is that you need to beware of your passions and control them, but love itself will save you, not condemn you." this way Mace can keep Anakin with the Jedi, while also helping Anakin controlling his emotions. Jolee is Legends, but fuck it, this is my AU and it really would’ve helped Anakin.

Obi-Wan will train Ahsoka.  By the time the Clone Wars rages on, Obi-Wan has become a master of Ahsoka Tano. I do believe Anakin and Ahsoka would’ve been friends at least.

Anakin must guide Ahsoka into not giving into her anger as Obi-Wan fakes his own death to get closer to Cad Bane

Anakin and Obi-Wan work together to bring the truth of Ahsoka’s innocence and exposing Barriss.

As the war nears to the end, Depa introduces Anakin to her Padawan, Caleb Dume. During his time as a youngling, Caleb was in awe with Anakin and looked up to him, shy at first but eventually they become close. Anakin becomes an older brother to Caleb and Anakin tells Caleb the same thing Depa told him. Depa then tells Anakin “Oh Anakin.....that’s my job” followed by Mace saying “NO IT FUCKING ISN’T”

As the incident with Fives happens, Anakin and Mace decide to investigate Fives’ claims. Nearly everyone in the 501st and 187th Legions remove their chips.  

Anakin would not be so easily convinced into killing Dooku. Anakin starts questioning the Chancellor. “I cannot kill an unarmed prisoner. This man is a Sith Lord and the leader of the Separatists, he is too valuable, why would I kill him?” Palpatine is shaking in his boots, he must play along without looking suspicious. Once Mace regains consciousness, he congrats his apprentice in defeating Dooku and taking him alive. 

For Anakin’s valor in The Clone Wars and for successfully bringing in Count Dooku alive, Anakin is granted the Rank of Jedi Master and joins the Council.

Dooku is brought before the senate and put on trial. Before Dooku can reveal anything about Palpatine’s true nature, Cad Bane assassinates Dooku on Palpatine’s orders.

Now there is a man hunt for both Cad Bane and General Grievous.

Obi-Wan is tasked with finding Grievous, Mace is tasked with finding Cad Bane. Anakin is tasked with spying on Palpatine.

Because of Palpatine’s suspicious actions and Count Dooku’s sudden assassination, Anakin is given more incentive to spy on the Chancellor. 

Anakin confides in Mace about his visions about Padme’s death. Mace tells him “these could be falsely implanted visions by the Sith, the dark side clouds our ability to perceive the future. Do not trust in these visions Anakin, until we can uncover the true Sith Lord behind everything, trust your feelings and the force” Anakin is assured that these dreams are not real.

When Padme tells Anakin “What if the democracy we thought we were serving no longer exists, and the Republic has become the very evil we have been fighting to destroy?” this time, Anakin agrees, he starts to believe that something isn’t right with the Chancellor. This will have Padme bring Anakin in on the meeting with Bail, Mon Mothma and the other senators. They say what they say in those deleted scenes, but when Anakin speaks, he will say “when I was on the rescue mission with Master Windu, Chancellor Palpatine wanted me to execute Count Dooku....when he was brought on trial he was assassinated. Something isn’t right.” This affirms that everyone must rebel if the Republic is to survive, even Anakin must join them. “I will report to the Jedi Council, the Jedi serve the Republic not one single politician.”

When Palpatine tells Anakin the “tragedy of Darth Plagueis the wise” Anakin immediately stops him, “if the Jedi do not tell this story, how do you know this?” Once again, Palpatine must act quickly. Plays it off as “an old tale I heard from Chancellor Valorum to warn us of the Sith.” Anakin still remains suspicious but hears the tale. Anakin does not ask the question of “if it’s possible to learn that power?” Anakin knows the visions are false. There is a complete divide between Anakin and Palpatine. He knows he cannot be turned, so all Palpatine needs is an excuse to execute Order 66.

Mace Windu tracks Cad Bane to the moon of Concord Dawn

Cad Bane killed Dooku because Palpatine payed him, but also so Bane can draw out Mace Windu, so Boba Fett can finally have his revenge. I know what you must be thinking, “Cad Bane was killed by Boba Fett in the cut CW storyline” yes, but since it did not happen and as it looks like the new TCW will not feature that storyline, this is what I am going with.

Mace Windu started out as the hunter, but he is now the hunted. He is being hunted by Cad Bane, Boba Fett, Aurra Sing, Bossk and Dengar. Mace uses his wits and Vaapad to guide him out of his ordeal.

One by one, Mace cuts the Bounty hunters down. They are either dead or severely injured. All that is left standing is Mace, Bane and Fett. Bane and Fett barrage Mace with blasters, rockets, flamethrowers, thermal detonators and he’s still standing motherfuckers. Boba gets one good shot in Mace, severely injuring the Jedi Master, but deflects his last shot to hit Boba Fett in the head giving him his iconic dented helmet. Finally Mace and Bane are alone. Mace disarms Bane and demands to know who ordered Dooku’s assassination. Bane mocks Windu “isn’t it obvious Jedi? Darth Sidious. One who controls the Senate..now who do you think that i-” Boba Fett shoots  Cad Bane dead before losing consciousness.

Anakin and Palpatine talking about the scene where Palpatine tells him of the dark side. Anakin puts two and two together. And reports him to the council. Without the Chancellor twisting his mind against the Jedi and decency in general, Anakin maintains his place and respect for the Jedi.  

Mace just arrives. back. “Anakin, Cad Bane is dead, he was hired by Darth Sidious to silence Dooku.” “Master, Chancellor Palpatine is Darth Sidious” The scene plays out as usual, but because Anakin is his apprentice, Anakin goes with Mace, Kit Fisto, Agen Kolar, and Saesee Tiin.

The confrontation will happen. Sidious kills the Jedi masters, only Mace and Anakin remain. Palpatine knows Anakin cannot be turned, so he fights serious and uses both of his Lightsabers. The fight is on even footing, but both Anakin and Mace are able to disarm Palpatine. “You have lost, my lord” “no, no YOU HAVE LOST!” Palpatine fires force lightning upon Mace but he blocks it. Palpatine pleas to Anakin “you must choose” Anakin stands with Mace and declares “I am a Jedi” “So be it, JEDI! EXECUTE ORDER 66! Clone Troopers storm in and starts firing upon Anakin and Mace and Palpatine force pushes them out the window. 

Anakin and Windu rush to the Jedi Temple to warn the Jedi of Sidious' treachery, only to discover that Clone Troopers have already begun an Operation Knightfall. They manage to locate and rescue Masters Shaak Ti and Cin Drallig. Anakin contacts Padmé and tells her to meet him and the other Jedi on Sentor Bail Organa's starship.

Because the 501st and 187th Legions all removed their chips, Rex and Lieutenant Law are still loyal to Anakin and Mace. 

Ahsoka would do the same to Cody as she did to Rex. When returning rendezvous point with Obi-Wan, Cody makes peace with Obi-Wan

The Jedi later meet up with Obi-Wan, Ahsoka, Yoda, Plo Koon, Padmé, C-3PO, R2-D2, and Senator Organa and agree to put a stop to Darth Sidious.

Sensing a disturbance in the force, Anakin and Obi-Wan head to Mustafar while the others decide to head back to Coruscant.

Yoda, Plo Koon, Shaak Ti and Cin Dralling attack Sidious, who has reformed the Republic into the first Galactic Empire. Despite their best efforts, the Jedi are unable to destroy the Sith Lord, who kills everyone but Yoda

Anakin and Obi-Wan  have discovered that the Republic Commandos have slaughtered the Separatist leaders. After killing the Clones, the Jedi prepare to head back prepare to return to Coruscant, only to find Darth Sidious waiting for them.

Padme suddenly goes into labor, so Mace and Ahsoka takes her to the remote asteroid Polis Massa.

After Anakin again rejects an offer to join the Dark Side, Sidious engages the two Jedi in a fierce lightsaber duel that spans across several levels of the volcanic world. Ultimately, the Jedi win and Sidious is buried under rubble, allowing them to escape into space with R2-D2 before Sidious can dig himself out. Anakin and Obi-Wan head to Polis Massa, where Padmé has given birth to twins that she has named Luke and Leia. It is decided that the twins must be separated in order to protect them from Sidious. Anakin will give Luke to his step-brother Owen and asks him to keep Luke safe. Bail Organa agrees to keep Padme and Leia safe on Alderaan.

The Jedi then scatter across the galaxy until the time is right to challenge the newly established Empire, with Yoda heading to Dagobah and Obi-Wan heading to Tatooine to watch over Luke as a request to Anakin.

Padme made the hard decision to separate the twins. Padme chose to keep Leia, while she gave Luke to Owen and Beru to keep him safe. Padme is not only the mother of Luke and Leia, Padme is the mother of the Rebellion. Padme fakes her death, and goes on to lead the Rebellion to fight Palpatine in the shadows. Known across the Empire as a mysterious and unknown but powerful political figure under the code name Tython, she is among the Empire’s Most Wanted and Public Enemy No 1. 

Mace has left to gather surviving Jedi and lead his own Rebel cell. Think of Mace as the Jedi Saw Gerrera

Anakin, meanwhile, disappears into space in order to secretly combat the Empire. Fighting for the Republic, for freedom and for his family   

Sidious launches a manhunt for Anakin, Obi-Wan, Yoda, and Mace Windu, vowing to "terminate the Jedi once and for all."

The Dark days of the Empire

Palpatine brought Maul back into his good graces. As Maul attempts to kill him, Palpatine simply tortures him until he knows his place. Once again he is Darth Maul. Apprentice to Darth Sidious and the new enforcer for the Empire.

Palpatine has gained a secret apprentice. Mara Jade The Emperor’s Hand and powerful within the dark side. Groomed from childhood to adulthood She holds authority over the Grand Inquisitor, but The Emperor’s Hand isn’t the only title she holds, known by The Inquisitors as The Last Sister. Her goal is to hunt down the Jedi and exterminate the Skywalker family and bring order to the galaxy

In place of Vader’s Mustafar castle, Darth Maul has a castle on Dathomir

Mace alongside his Jedi squadron and 187th Legion has brought the hurt to the Empire. He has gone to numerous lengths to stop the Empire at every turn.

Anakin has become a shadow like figure to the Empire. The one Jedi they all fear. He’s assassinating Moffs and high ranking members of the Imperial military. Freeing aliens enslaved to the Empire. Anakin leads the 501st Legion to bring justice to the galaxy. Whenever Anakin is ever cornered by Stormtroopers, the 501st is there, especially his ever faithful Captain Rex. Whenever Inquisitors are sent Anakin is always victorious. He saves apprentices, younglings and Jedi who are all struggling to survive the Empire’s Might. Anakin directs all survivors to Ach-To. They will be safe there. At some point Anakin reunites with Ahsoka and Kanan.

Anakin, Mace and Kanan all reunite. All of them grieve for Depa. They know this will probably be the last time they will ever see each other again. Anakin hugs Kanan goodbye  and says “until we meet again little brother” and all 3 of them says “may the force be with you” all going their separate ways. Before Mace leaves, all Anakin can do is hug him

Anakin instructs Ahsoka on where to find the Jedi he saved and tells her to guide them. Ahsoka will take them to Mortis.

Mace launches a suicide mission against The Emperor. An entire squadron of Jedi Knights and the 187th Legion makes one last stand against The Empire and The Emperor. The 187th Legion and Mace’s strike team have all been destroyed by Palpatine. The fight between Mace and Palpatine is even and is laying destruction within the Imperial palace. Mace feels as though this is a trick, the last time he had Palpatine where he wanted him, Order 66 was executed. Why is he still alive? He could’ve destroyed him along with his Legion and fellow Jedi...something from the shadows is clouding his vision. The lightning stops and Palpatine simply sits back on his throne. “Attack me master Windu, I am unarmed. You want to kill me and end the Empire do you not��� Mace understands he wants to unbalance him and Mace refuses. “I will not play by your games, my lord.” “Oh my old friend, you’ve already lost” Suddenly a piercing crimson blade pierces Mace’s chest. Mace looks behind to see Darth Maul. And then as Mace clutches his chest, Palpatine unleashes a torrent of force lightning, killing the Jedi master once and for all.

Anakin feels Mace’s death and falls to the floor. His mentor and his brother died. All he can do now is continue his attack on the Empire and restore the Jedi.

After the destruction of Jedha, Scarif and the reveal of the Death Star. the time for Rebellion is now. Padme contacts Anakin that the time to unite the family is now.

Darth Maul boards the Tantive IV. He kills everyone but Leia, she is the only prisoner worth taking. 

Anakin goes to Luke and Owen. When Anakin arrives, Luke immediately knows who Anakin is and embraces Anakin in a hug. Anakin thanks Owen and Beru for keeping Luke safe. It isn’t just Luke Anakin is reunited with, it’s R2-D2 and C-3PO. R2 is all happy beeps. 3PO was memory wiped but Anakin understands. They bid Owen and Beru farewell.

Anakin and Luke goes to bring back Obi-Wan. As old friends reunite, Anakin informs Obi-Wan about the situation and of Mace’s death. Obi-Wan tells him he felt it as well but Mace trained him well. But Luke tells them both that R2 has a message for Obi-Wan. Leia’s message plays and Anakin is in tears and reaches his hand for his daughter. As Anakin left Captain Rex with Phoenix Squadron and the rest of the 501st must remain with the Rebellion, they seek out a pilot. So they find Han Solo. When they are talking payment, to Obi-Wan’s surprise and to Han’s joy, Anakin dumps a shit ton of credits. “Is that enough to pay for our passage?” Han who cannot stop smiling “More than enough, ten times over.” Obi-Wan just stares at Anakin “and just WHERE DID YOU GET ALL THAT???” Anakin says “you’d be surprised as to how much credits the Moffs are all carrying.”

Thanks to Anakin’s generous donation, Han is able to pay off his debt to Jabba the moment he comes to him. Oh he still shoots Greedo first, but he just needed to do that to get Jabba’s attention

Anakin admires the Falcon while Luke calls it a piece of junk. After hearing Anakin’s compliments of the Falcon and seeing Han in all smiles, Obi-Wan has a horrible thought “Oh no.....there’s two of them”

Anakin and Han fight over who flies the Falcon and Obi-Wan is regretting his life choices

Anakin and Obi-Wan teach Luke the ways of the Jedi

During their flight to Alderaan, Anakin tells Luke the truth of Leia and his mother. How beautiful, kind and strong Padme is and how both him and Leia were separated. The time is now to join and train his children and end the Emperor together.

Unlike Vader, Maul takes sadistic glee in The Death Star. He still chokes those who dare question Tarkin’s rule as he finds kinship in Tarkin’s brutality

Obi-Wan knows Maul is on board and must face him and disables the tractor beam. Anakin must save his daughter.

Maul senses Obi-Wan and Anakin, but his main focus is “KENOBI”

Han asks why he cares so much about one blasted princess. Anakin simply says, she’s his daughter and Luke’s sister and she is more important than he could possibly realize....also she’s rich and will reward him just as much and that’s all Han needed to hear. 

Anakin sees what Luke’s trying to do with Chewie  and points out, no need and ignites his lightsaber

Everyone in the detention center lies dead.  and Anakin and Luke go to find Leia. 

Leia recognizes Anakin almost immediately. Leia was shown holo recordings of her father by Padme since she was a child and embraces her father. Anakin tells  Leia who Luke is and the siblings embrace in a hug

Darth Maul and Obi-Wan duel to the death. “You can’t win Maul. If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.” Maul isn’t having any of it and fully intends to kill Kenobi 

As the Skywalkers, Han, Chewie and the droids prepare to escape, they see Obi-Wan and Obi-Wan makes the sacrifice. Anakin is in tears and Luke shouts “NO!” Darth Maul prepares to do the same to Anakin, but they shoot the blast doors in time and escape.

Anakin and Luke reunite with Padme. Finally, after 20 years The Skywalkers are reunited. 

The 501st assist the Rebels in the Death Star assault. It is going well. Anakin must stay behind on Yavin with Padme and Leia. He has faith Luke and The Rebels can destroy the Death Star

As he senses Maul destroying the X-Wings one by one, Anakin feels helpless as he has Luke in his crosshairs

Maul feels a pity, as Luke would’ve been the perfect apprentice to help him kill the Emperor

Han makes the save and Luke destroys the Death Star

Han and Luke are given their medals

Throughout the years between ANH and ESB, Anakin would train his children. By now they have both achieved the rank of Jedi Knight. As Maul and the Empire finds them, they must go. Anakin directs them to Dagobah where Yoda will complete their training. 

However Anakin tells them he will meet them there. He intends to face Maul on Hoth. The fight is what you expect. Anakin uses Vaapad against Maul and Maul’s arrogance gets the better of him. Maul dies in Anakin’s arms. “Are....are you the chosen one? Are your children the chosen ones?” “We are.” “You will all avenge us”

Han does not like the thought of going to Dagobah, especially with the Empire on their trail. With Leia assuring him all will go well, Han is a little assured. When the Falcon crashes in the water. Han and Chewie looses it

Luke and Leia are very patient when it comes to Yoda but as soon as Chewie comes over, Chewie confirms he is Yoda. Han goes “and how would you know that???” “I fought in the Clone Wars, Han” “Well, what do you want, a medal???”

Luke and Leia are put through Yoda’s training and during that time, Han makes his move on Leia and embraces her in a kiss. 

Luke and Leia together lift the Falcon out of the swamp and Han gets to work fast to clean the Falcon.

Luke and Leia sense their father on Bespin and in great danger. They want to leave, but Yoda strongly advises against it.  Han talks them into it. He owes Anakin for getting him out of debt to Jabba, so it’s the least he can do. 

Han and Lando reunite like old friends and treats Luke and Leia with hospitality. But they feel something’s off

Mara Jade reveals herself and holds Anakin hostage. “Draw your lightsabers and your father dies. Fortunately for you, The Emperor wants you all alive.” 

Before Anakin could be put into carbonite freezing, Anakin gives one last moment with his children and Han.  He hugs Luke and Leia goodbye and tells Han to keep them both safe. As Anakin is frozen into carbonite, all Leia can do is hug Han and her brother and all Luke can do is cry with his sister.

Mara Jade tells the Twins “If you wish to see your father ever again, come before the Emperor. This is your only hope.” 

Lando signals to Han of his plan via wink and both Han and Lando starts blasting Imperials and hands the twins their lightsabers. 

Leia is absolutely furious with Lando. He explains himself that Bespin was held hostage. Luke understands, but Leia almost loses herself. “We can bring him back.”

As both Luke and Leia explain everything to their mother, they all plan to bring Anakin home

Palpatine has Anakin where he wants him as a decoration aboard his throne room in the Death Star II and his lightsaber right by his side. Palpatine would monologue to the frozen Anakin. “Anakin my old friend, I know you can hear me. This is what loyalty to the Jedi got you. Servitude, loss and imprisonment. You were nothing but a slave when you were found and a slave you shall remain. The perfect punishment for denying me 20 years ago. And when you’re children arrive, they will be made into what you should have been. Mine. They will embrace the dark side of the force and only then will you be free. You will watch your precious Padme and her Rebellion die, your children will die and then my old friend, you will die.” A single tear leaves Anakin’s face

Mara Jade heard everything. She’s beginning to question everything Palpatine ever taught her was lie. 

Luke and Leia surrenders themselves while Han leads the ground assault on Endor

Luke and Leia feel the conflict within Mara, but Mara puts on a front. She has to. 

Luke and Leia are brought before the Emperor and he makes them both feel the hatred and rage at seeing their friends die one by one.  They both draw their lightsabers and aim to kill the Emperor

Mara Jade intervenes....for the plan to work, Mara must play her part

Mara and the twins are evenly matched. 

Luke and Mara duel, while Leia attempts to save her father

As they duel, Luke attempts to get through to her. “You are not what he made you. you have a choice” “What? the be a Rebel? a Jedi?” “A choice to be better.” “You sound just like your father. He thought I could be saved, I was the Emperor’s since childhood” There’s nothing for me.” “You have me. I am offering you a chance, you only have to take it” Luke extends a hand to Mara Jade and she takes it. 

Mara fills Luke and Leia telepathically about the plan. After Maul fell on Hoth, she hunted Anakin down. He waited for her to come. She told him she had every intention of killing him, the Jedi and the Skywalker family. Anakin would not allow that to happen. But Anakin sensed something within her. That she knows that this isn’t right, some part of her knew that this isn’t right. The Emperor raised her to be his hand and weapon. Anakin tells her there is a better way. “Living as a Jedi is not worth it. No, not as a Jedi, the choice to choose and live free. A better way of life. Help me stop the Emperor and you will be free.” So they devised a plan, something The Emperor could not resist. The Emperor could keep Anakin as a trophy to punish him and turn his children against him. At the right moment when he is free, Anakin will strike. It will weaken him momentarily and together his family will kill The Emperor and destroy the Sith once and for all.  

Luke, Mara and Leia stand before the emperor and bow

The Emperor is pleased. His arrogance clouds his judgement “Good. Good. Soon your father will be free and he will watch helplessly as his Rebellion ends. As the Rebellion ends, the Jedi will be no more and your mother and his precious Pad-” Anakin’s Lightsaber pierces Palpatine. To his horror, Anakin is free. “You do not dare say her name ever again.”

Anakin, Luke and Leia stand united. Father and his children. Jedi Masters. The Skywalkers. The Chosen ones. 

Palpatine has had enough defiance from the Jedi and unleashes storm after storm of force lightning. 

Palpatine asks Mara Jade to kill them and to fulfill her destiny. Anakin asks Mara to help them. “You FOOL Anakin, she is my weapon and slave, she is mine, she knows nothing else, something you should have learned LONG AGO”

As Palpatine is focused on destroying the Skywalkers. Mara Jade stabs him in the back. “et tu, Mara?” and the Skywalkers pierce thee Emperor and tosses him down the reactor shaft. Vanquishing him forever. 

Anakin hugs his children and Luke tells Mara “you are finally free.”

They all escape the Death Star as it explodes

As they all reunite, Anakin and Padme embrace, while Han and Leia kiss and hug. 

Mara tells Luke “I am free, Farmboy and I choose you” Mara kisses Luke

The Endor celebration happens only with the inclusion of Mara and we see the force ghosts of Mace, Obi-Wan, and Yoda looking on to see that all is well

[hamfistedmorals]

Rise of Skywalker: Initial Thoughts and Feelings

As a movie, it was engaging. As a Star Wars story, it hooked me. But as a conclusion to this particular trilogy? As a final chapter to the entire saga? Oh boy, was it a hot mess.

BEWARE OF SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT

(Disclaimer - I’m one of the 5% of Star Wars fans that loved The Last Jedi, so that might influence my opinion, but I’ll try to keep things unbiased.) 

It was all over the place, and I mean that quite literally. 

We got to see so many new locations, and most of them seemed interesting. Unfortunately, because of the breakneck pace and the ticking clock, the film doesn’t spend any time developing these places apart from Exegol - and that’s only planet who’s name I can remember. Adding on to the map of a Galaxy Far, Far Away is always a good thing. But so many new locations in one movie, with our heroes jumping back and forth every ten minutes...doesn’t make this universe feel larger. Actually, it makes it feel smaller. In past Star Wars movies, it would take time to go from one planet or star system to another. But that really doesn’t seem to be the case here. If there’s one problem that’s been semi-consistent throughout this trilogy, it’s the confusion of timing. (What’s the point of the title crawl if Episode 8 is going to pick up immediately after Episode 7? But I digress.)

The Dyad in the Force is easily the most fascinating concept of the entire trilogy.

I braced myself for the movie to ignore the connection previously established between Rey and Kylo Ren, as it ignores so much of Episode 8. But no, Rise of Skywalker actually build on the bond between these two characters and gives us more amazing scenes of them interacting entirely through their connection in the Force. We learn that they are essentially a one-of-a-kind anomaly, that Palpatine can use to restore his life energy. Rey and Ben even learn how to use their bond by the end of the film. It’s a new idea that Star Wars hasn’t done before and I kinda love it - I just really wish they had explored it more, and better outlined what it is, where it came from, and how it works. Then again, after how much people hated the Midichlorians, I expect the writers are hesitant to give any answers about how The Force works. 

I also appreciated the official introduction of Healing, as a Force Power. 

Say what you will about some of the Force-Abilities introduced in TLJ, but this one makes perfect sense. So much so that I’m pretty sure it’s already a thing in Star Wars video games? It was well foreshadowed and it played a role in Rey and Ben’s final fight, as well as that heartbreaking climax. Honestly, I truly thought Rey was dead in that moment. I teared up, thinking that her parents’ sacrifice was for nothing. Wondering if Finn could sense that she was gone. Wondering what Ben would do without her, since he had no one else. To be honest, I almost wish Rey had stayed dead, since as it stands...we have a redeemed villain sacrificing himself to save the hero that redeemed him...sound familiar? If Ben had lived, and Rey had died, it could have been a tragic inversion of Return of the Jedi, instead of just a retread. But oh well. I had a feeling they were going to kill off Kylo Ren anyway. 

It feels like they did have plans for Finn, but never properly carried them out. 

Rise of Skywalker very clearly implies that Finn has discovered that he’s Force-Sensitive. Which is a good idea, it just comes out of nowhere. Apparently, that’s what he was going to tell Rey - JJ has clarified it. One problem...that’s not a detail that should be confirmed in an interview. It should be answered within the movie. There were two separate conversations about Finn wanting to tell Rey...something, but the film never comes back to that or gives it any conclusion. Likewise, the idea of Finn being force-sensitive is only ever foreshadowed, never brought to light. Overall, Finn got some great moments, like when he met Jannah and got to connect with another former Storm-trooper...but his overall character arc in this film never got off the ground. 

Was it just me...or was Poe constantly angry throughout the movie? 

I don’t know if this was just Oscar Isaac’s frustration slipping through, or if it was meant to be the stress of the war, or something...but Poe was in a bad mood in just about every scene. But just like with Finn, this never gets resolved or even really acknowledged. Didn’t Poe go through an entire arc in the last film about learning to be less of a hot-head? For some reason, he and Rey are at each other’s throats...even though the end of the last film hinted that they found each other attractive? He does get some backstory as a Spice Runner (though they don’t explain what that is. Maybe it’s answered in one of the books, I dunno.) and we get to meet Zori, who is truly a charming and compelling character. Even if she was only written in as a final “no-homo” to Finn and Poe, I wanted to learn more about her. 

They did Rose dirty. They did her so dirty.

She should have been an official member of the squad in this film, not relegated to cameos. There was no reason she couldn't have been more involved. Her romance with Finn should have been addressed. Even if it was just him gently letting her down, they ought to have mentioned it. Regardless of how you feel about Rose and that particular pairing (Personally, I adored her) it's downright strange that she's so absent from the story when she was a main character last time. Gee, I wonder why this was done? Could it be because the character was eviscerated online by a group of hardcore “fans” who compared her to Jar Jar Binks? Who not only made racist, sexist, and body-shaming comments about the character - they drove Kelly Marie Tran off social media? It really seems like downplaying Rose in this film was a direct response to how unpopular she was, and that isn’t fair to the character or the actress. It just seems...cowardly.

The CGI on Leia...could have been better. 

Not gonna lie, it might have been safer to simply reveal Leia’s death in the title crawl and open the movie with her funeral. Don’t get me wrong, I was initially quite impressed with how they managed to re-create Carrie Fisher. It was nice to see her training Rey, and we even get an answer to the age-old mystery of why she never became a Jedi. But as Leia’s scenes went on, the cracks started to show. It became very noticeable after a while that she would never adjust her standing position or really move at all. So many of her lines were shot to avoid showing her face while she spoke. Don’t get me wrong, I understand why it looked this way. I’m just saying that as a viewer, I noticed. Leia’s death scene was the worst offender of this. By the way...what exactly killed her? She apparently gave the “last of her energy” to call out to Ben, but...nothing beforehand indicated that her health was failing, so why would a simple telepathic message consume all her life energy? She’s done it before. Either way, the death scene was kinda lame...but other characters reactions to it? Hit me right in the feels. Chewie’s breakdown tore me to pieces. I wanted to hug him. And as for Ben...

 That Han Solo Cameo

I’m impressed, first of all. We all though Han could never come back since he wasn’t force-sensitive, so he wouldn’t get a spirit form. But the great thing is, Han didn’t come back - not really. It was all in Ben’s head, hence the lines echoing his father’s death. I love how Leia’s death, compounded with Rey healing Ben and all but telling him that she would be with him if he wasn’t on the dark side, is what ultimately swayed him to turn back. When he called Han “Dad...” In that broken voice, and Han just said “I know...” Honestly, that was the best scene in the movie. Ben previously said to Rey that the Dark Side was in her blood, so she couldn’t escape it. It was so clear that he felt that way about himself too, which may have been part of why he turned. Seeing Han was a perfect reminder that he had more than just Vader in his ancestry. 

Chewie’s “death” was the other scene in the movie that took my breath away. 

Echoing the Force-Battle over Anakin’s lightsaber, Rey and Kylo Ren have a tug-of-war for the ship Chewie is on, and in her rage, Rey accidentally conjures Force-Lightning and blows up the ship, shocking everyone. It demonstrates Rey’s power, as well as her natural leaning toward the Dark Side (through anger.) It also foreshadows her lineage. Plus, the whole concept of accidentally killing your beloved friend..It’s got so much tension, so much emotion - it’s fantastic. Only one problem...Chewie survived, and we find that out not even five minutes later. Honestly, it’s the last movie. Anything goes, you can kill off main characters, even beloved main characters. All of the emotional drama that this scene brings to the table stops mattering once you find out Chewie’s alive. I would love to see Rey actually have to deal with the consequences of what happened, for the movie to explore how it makes the other characters feel about her. On the other hand, one of my first thoughts after it happened was “Geez, if the fandom hated her before...” All the fans who complain Rey is a Mary Sue (She’s not) Yeah, they’d never, ever forgive her if she was responsible for Chewie’’s death.

I can’t decide how I feel about Kylo Ren repairing his mask. 

When I first realized it was happening, I was disappointed. In a way, it undoes his character growth in Last Jedi when he rejected his hero worship of Darth Vader - and even did what Vader could not, slaying his master and living to succeed him. Kylo Ren surpassed Vader once he stopped trying to be him, and that was awesome. But between bringing back the mask (with the painfully on-the-nose line about the “cracks in your mask”) and the reveal that “Snoke” is still alive, all of Ben Solo’s coolest moments from TLJ have been reversed. On the other hand... the Kylo Ren mask is, and always was, a symbol. In TFA, it reflected a pretentious attempt to be more like Darth Vader. But in this movie, it seemed to reflect Kylo Ren embracing the image of being the “Big Bad.” much like how Luke embraced his status as a legend, just before he died. And I’m not gonna lie, seeing the words “Supreme Leader Kylo Ren” in the title crawl was quite satisfying. Not to mention, at the end of the day...it’s all an act. Kylo Ren has always tried very hard to be “evil” but his heart just isn’t in it. He’s trying to be something he’s not - so maybe it’s okay if the mask comes back. 

Let’s rip this band-aid off: Bringing Palpatine back was a mistake.

If they needed a greater-scope villain for the climax after Ben was redeemed...why not use Snoke? Apparently, they’re the same person anyway, and people were mad that Snoke died without having a greater story to tell. Palpatine’s return goes entirely unexplained. He just hand-waves the issue by quoting Episode 3. As a viewer, why should I feel triumphant when Rey kills him at the end, when as far as I know, nothing is stopping him from returning again? After all, he survived certain death before, and we don’t know how he did it. (This is what I mean when I say the film is good by itself, but highly flawed as a continuation of existing Star Wars.) Palpatine’s return devalues Anakin’s sacrifice. It weakens both Vader and Kylo as villains because it removes their agency - we now know they only turned because Palpatine manipulated and groomed them. They’ve made him the greater-scope villain of every single trilogy, which just feels weird. I always thought the overarching villainous force of Star Wars was supposed to be, y’know, the Dark Side and it’s tempting call. That anyone could potentially succumb. But speaking of this film rejecting the idea of “anyone” being special...

Rey...did not need to have a bloodline. 

You need Palpatine to have a reason that he’s so intrigued by her? You’ve already got that - she’s part of an anomaly in The Force that no one’s ever seen before. Need a life-changing shock that pushes her closer to the Dark Side? All you have to do is let Chewie stay dead, and have it be her fault. As much as I have genuinely loved Rey’s character growth and I always enjoy watching her, I can’t help but feel like giving her a bloodline at this point was at least partially done to mitigate the claims that she’s “too powerful.” Not to mention, it ruins the reveal at the end of The Last Jedi, and it’s one more thing that makes the Star Wars universe feel smaller. Coming from a powerful bloodline shouldn’t be a requirement for changing the fate of the Galaxy. Sure, Force-Sensitivity is often hereditary, but not exclusively. Besides, there are more people out there attuned to the Force that just the Skywalkers, Palpatines, and Kenobis. Why couldn’t Rey just be one of them? If Star Wars really is going to go on forever, it can’t simply be the continuing sage of two or three families screwing up the Galaxy. 

What’s up with the super-rushed tone of the ending? 

So, Rey and Ben share a kiss - whether or not you ship them, this moment is wholesome, heartwarming, and so earned -  But then Ben immediately, and I mean immediately falls down dead. He doesn’t get any last words or even a last moment. (Come to think of it...does Ben have any lines at all after his scene with Han? I...don’t think he does. That’s just weird.) Nope, he just fades into the Force so quickly that I didn’t even realize what happened at first. Rey makes it back to the Resistance base and reunites with her friends, but they don’t share any dialogue either. No final moments, not even Finn telling Rey that he’s Force-Sensitive. Disney gets to check off their diversity clipboard by having two nameless women kiss in the background, and Rey then visits...Tatooine, of all places, to bury The Skywalker twins lightsabers. Because you see, a Jedi’s Weapon deserves respect. Burning them? Shameful. But burying them, A-Okay.

Rey is never shown mourning Ben Solo.

Whether or not you think he “deserved” redemption, the film clearly sided with the idea that he did. It based a lot of it’s conflict on Rey and Ben being a hero and a villain who also cared about each other. Going so far as to include the Dyad, and give them a kiss scene. So it’s bizarre that Ben’s death doesn’t seem to affect Rey. She doesn’t even have any sort of reaction to it, but she does have a gold lightsaber now. Which is so incredibly cool that it baffles me that they didn’t let her have it sooner. She never gets to really use it. A random local shows up, for no other purpose than to ask Rey who she is. Rey looks on to see Luke and Leia’s Force-Spirits give their blessing (No Ben, for some reason.) And she then introduces herself as Rey Skywalker. Because they had to justify that title somehow, right? Then the scavenger-turned-jedi, who started out all alone on a desert planet but found a family through her travels...ends her story all alone on desert planet. Hey, wait a minute-

The problems of this trilogy boil down to the fact that it had two writers, with two different visions for the characters.

Perhaps the death of Snoke, the introduction of Rose, and Rey’s lack of lineage directly conflicted with J.J.'s plans for the new trilogy...but The Last Jedi happened. It's canon now. Trying to pretend otherwise doesn't "fix" that. Having moments that directly contradict the previous film, even taking intentional jabs at it (looking at you, Force-Spirit Luke) is a waste of time and honestly feels...kind of immature? As a writer, I’m sure it isn’t easy, but you've got to work with what you have, follow the ideas and plot threads introduced, or else none of it will feel organic. So many moments like repairing Kylo Ren's mask, bringing back Anakin's destroyed saber, giving Rey a bloodline...they just cause whiplash.The only arcs that really continue through each movie are Kylo Ren's redemption, and Rey's identity issues. The writing of Episode 9 does everything it can to erase the ideas of Episode 8, and as a result, the entire trilogy feels directionless. The story feels like its at war with itself. I understand if Rian left J.J. in a compromising position, but sometimes you have to let go of ideas if they can no longer work in your story, however much you want them to. And, not to pick on J.J. too much, but...if he really had a major plan for the trilogy, then why didn't he stay to write Episode Eight? He left the second chapter of the trilogy to an entirely different writer, so...what did he think was going to happen? 

It’s a good movie. It really is. I was on the edge of my seat. If you’ve never seen the first two films, you’ll likely enjoy the hell out of it. But if you’re hoping to get a satisfying conclusion for the characters you’ve grown to care about...well, I’ll just say that I didn’t find that here. 

[lordsofmedrengard]

Feelings on the SW movie below cut. Beware of spoilers, consider saving this and reading it later if you’re interested in a failry salty take but don’t want your movie going experience ruined.

This is all written in a single stretch, and I apologise for how rambly it is.

 I give this movie a shaky 3,5 stars out of 10, or a rock solid 3/10.

Weak characterisation, drama for the sake of drama, Desperate Housewives of the Resistance and unearned moments of triumph coupled with a sort of smugness makes this movie alternatingly boring and irritating to watch (in the same vein as S8 of GoT, come to think of it). It’s bullshit storytelling.

Poe is still angry except now he’s also a former criminal who spends his time bickering with his friends and a former love interest who comes out of fucking NOWHERE, he’s still insecure from his part in SW8. What the fuck happened to the guy from SW7 and the comics released after it?

Rose barely even exists and Finn could be interpreted as having interest in two (2) other female characters, all of whom have a greater role in the film. Going by her grimaces she’s at least giving up on saving what she loves and is fully committed to destroying what she hates.

For the past two films I’ve been a staunch fan of Rey’s. I didn’t think she was OP, I didn’t think she never earned her skills, yada yada yada. Not so in this film. She uses a barely sea-worthy… thing to navigate 10-20 meter tall waves, and it’s NEVER indicated that she has the know-how to do this. She didn’t grow up on fucking Waterworld, she grew up in a fucking DESERT.

Leia is a Jedi now. What?

Snoke was a puppet ALL ALOOONG.

Palpatine has a fleet of 10 000 ships, each of which is capable of destroying a planet by itself. Not destroy the biosphere, not destroy the mantle, but blast it apart like the Planet Killer in Spore. When the Good Guys show up to fight the fleet, we barely see any of  what should have been the largest and most impressive space battle of cinematic history. It’s the final film of the final trilogy of the “main” Star Wars saga, why the FUCK is the space battle less impressive than SW3’s opening fight or SW6’s assault of the 2nd Death Star????

Maz looks worse than in SW7 for some reason? The Knights of Ren are shown, but they’re so fucking worthless they make 40K Eldar look intimidating and cool when they try to tackle Primaris.

 So why isn’t this shitflick rated lower? Because it has some really cool moments, and, in spite of itself, some cool foreshadowing. Rey growing stronger in the Dark Side is foreshadowed by her healing a Space Animal, which could of course be read as a strong Jedi move – avoid senseless violence. Only, that’s sort of a Dark Side power – Darth Sidious’ master, Darth Plagueis is known to have had that ability, and some ancient Sith did as well. It makes her use of Force Lightning a short bit later that much cooler.

Similarly, everything we see at Exegol Dromund Kaas is very cool, except for the very final confrontation which is… just pathetic. The worst I’ve seen in Star Wars. Rey dual-wields Leia’s and Luke’s lightsabers to block Palpatine’s lightning and though he’s empowered by every Sith who has ever lived, Rey is empowered by every Jedi who has ever lived. She doesn’t even go out of her way to kill him because that would make her the Sith Empress, or so we’re told, so it sure as fuck is convenient that Palpatine kills himself via backblast and can’t/won’t manipulate a rock to hit Rey in the head. Cool how killing the evilest guy in the cosmos for millennia will turn her to darkness, but wiping out his goons is holly-jolly.

The opening is very strong, we see Kylo Ren and the First Order go out and oppress/slaughter some presumably innocent aliens, and they’re built up as a threat since they wipe them out with very few losses of their own.

A problem is that the First Order is superfluous, another that the Dark Side conflict within Rey hasn’t been explored earlier, but…

Fuck, I don’t have the patience to write it all down right now. Sorry again for the rambly nature of this. I’m gonna call it quits here and work on my Lernaeans.

[onceuponmystory]

I Have Finally Found Peace With The Rise of Skywalker

And it's all thanks to my crazy, wonderful, just-as-obsessed-with-Star-Wars-as-I-am best friends.

But before I tell you how we did it, I have to give you guys two rather important warnings concerning this post. 

First and foremost, please beware that there will be MAJOR SPOILERS for The Rise of Skywalker in this post. If you haven't seen the movie, proceed at your own risk, and don't say I didn't warn you.

Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, this post is quite critical of the movie. I examine in detail everything I thought was bad about The Rise of Skywalker, and give my opinion on how it could have been done better.

But that doesn't mean this is a negative post - in fact, I hope to achieve quite the opposite. With the help of my friends, I realised that the best way to make your peace with The Rise of Skywalker is to talk through it and play Teacher With A Red Pen on the parts you didn't like.

I have to warn you that I tend to get a little carried away playing Teacher With A Red Pen. There's just so much to say about this movie... But if you're up to reading an insanely long post, I really think it'll be worth your while. 

Now, since this is a free era, we are all entitled to our own opinions, and this is mine. You are perfectly welcome to disagree with me, just please do it politely. And with that out of the way, let's jump right in, shall we? 

First Things First: Ben Solo's Death

I think one of the biggest WHY??? moments in the entire movie was Ben Solo's sacrifice and death. I'll say it now - I hated that twist, absolutely hated it. And not just because I'm a huge fan of Reylo, either. 

To start, it's predictable, the exact mirror of the Darth Vader sacrifice/death scene from Return of the Jedi. And while it worked for Darth Vader, doing it again with Ben was not only cliché and repetitive, but also a slap in the face to the character.

Because Ben Solo deserved better. He really, really did.

Kylo Ren/Ben Solo was from the start a very conflicted character - the son of two of the galaxy's greatest heroes, and the nephew of the last Jedi, manipulated from birth by Emperor Palpatine. Yes, he did terrible things, but he also had terrible things done to him. At the very least, he deserved the chance to atone for some of those terrible things.

While we're talking about slaps in the face, Ben dying made the deaths of Han, Luke and Leia mean so much less. All three of those people gave their lives so that their son (nephew, in Luke's case) would turn back to the light. Especially Leia - she literally used the last of her energy to reach out to her son and turn him back. Killing Ben off makes her sacrifice almost meaningless - didn't she die so he would be able to live a better life? 

And my last point about the Massive Unfairness of Ben's Death has to do with Rey. She and Ben love each other, don't they? They are literally described as "two of us who are one" - which is about as close as we're going to get to soulmates in Star Wars. With Ben's death, Rey lost half of who she is - not to mention the man she loved.

George Lucas once said, and I quote, that "I have always hated that in movies, when you go along and one of the main characters gets killed. This is a fairytale. You want everybody to live happily ever after and nothing bad happens to anybody."

So yes, maybe it's not the most perfect of arguments, but this is Star Wars. And after all these years of love and admiration, we all deserve that happy ending. 

And While We're At It: Ben Deserved A Proper Redemption Arc

I know I've just spent a long time ranting about why Ben deserved better, but I'm not quite done yet. Because yes, Ben absolutely deserved better - and most of all, he deserved a proper redemption.

Now, I don't know how many of you have seen Avatar The Last Airbender, but that show contains a prime example of a really good redemption arc. It's not simple, and it's not at all easy, but it's worth it.

In ATLA, Fire Prince Zuko starts off as the villain of the series, but ends up seeing that the way he was raised was wrong. He decides to make amends by joining his former enemy, Avatar Aang, and helping him save the world.

But what makes it really good is that it's not easy for Zuko. He struggles, he genuinely does, and he has to really work to earn the trust of the people who used to be his enemies. And time-consuming and difficult as it was, it ultimately ended up being worth it a thousand times over.

That, my friends, is a redemption arc. It takes time, and work, and real atonement. More than anything, I wanted to see that for Ben. I wanted him to struggle, and be distrusted, and hate himself, because that is the only way he can really redeem himself - by rising above all that and saying, "I was wrong, I'm sorry, and I'll take whatever punishment you want to give me, because I really want to change."

Death is taking the easy way out - in fact, it's lazy writing. Ben didn't have to die - his whole story, which is already so defined by struggle and conflict, would have been far more meaningful if he had had a final struggle, this time to prove that he really had changed. 

Unfortunately, the writers chose to take the cliché easy way out, killing off the character instead of giving him a much deeper, more meaningful ending.

If there was one thing - just one thing - I could change about The Rise of Skywalker, it would be that. I would give Ben the chance to properly redeem himself, because he really, truly deserves it.

Moving On: Rose Tico

With the Ben arc out of the way, I can move on to the next biggest issue I had with The Rise of Skywalker - and that's the horrible sidelining of one of my favourite characters from The Last Jedi, Rose Tico.

Now, I get that not everyone liked Rose's character - and that's fine. But there was no reason - none at all - for basically removing Rose, who played quite a significant role in The Last Jedi, from the new movie. Additionally, given all the racist and sexist harassment that Kelly Marie Tran suffered at the hands of malcontent fans, cutting Rose from the film almost seems like caving to those trolls.

And that is not acceptable. If you let a bully have his way, stopping him becomes near impossible. So even if it was just to show the trolls that bullying will not get you what you want, Rose Tico deserved a bigger role.

What bigger role, you may ask? Many people have said, and I grudgingly agree, that there wasn't really space for Rose to go along on the whole wayfinder quest. All right, fine. But sidelining her completely is not the right course of action. If you can't take her along on the main quest, then give her a significant sub-plot, for example joining Lando to call for aid for the Resistance.

Remember, Rose Tico was the person who turned Finn from an ex-stormtrooper more than ready to desert the Resistance into a loyal fighter for the cause he believes in - to such an extent that he was willing to sacrifice his own life for the survival of the Resistance. If there's anyone who could give the galaxy enough hope again to send help to the Resistance, it's Rose Tico.

Oh, and some more Finnrose would have been nice. You don't have to agree with me - I know many of you don't - but you have to admit that Finn and Rose definitely had some sort of a bond forged in The Last Jedi, even if it was just a platonic one. Basically ignoring that like they did in The Rise of Skywalker is just bad writing.

So I'm not saying that Rose needed to be the main star of the show - that would have been unrealistic, after all. But I do think, and I will stand by this opinion no matter what, that Rose deserved a lot better than what she got.

And On That Track: Jannah Was An Unnecessary Character

Don't get me wrong, I love Naomi Ackie, and I appreciate that Star Wars is trying to incorporate a more diverse cast. But despite it all, I just couldn't bring myself to like Jannah's character, or see why she was actually necessary.

See, if you take out Jannah, nothing much changes. Yes, it was nice for Finn to have someone to talk and relate to, but it wasn't necessary. We already know that Finn was a stormtrooper, just like we already know he left it behind him.

Also, Finn already had a female character he had a significant bond to - none other than Rose Tico from my previous rant. Why force in an all-new potential love interest at the last minute when you already have one with far more development? Not only could Rose have conceivably replaced Jannah in pretty much every scene, she also has a lot more development and history with Finn than Jannah does, which would have made their interactions that much more meaningful. 

And as for the attack on Pryde's Destroyer with the Orbaks (and no, I didn't know that's what those cow things were called, either, until I Googled it a few seconds ago) - that was a nice touch, but there's a simple way it could have been much better. Instead of introducing an all-new character and cow things with a name no-one knew unless they looked it up on Wookieepedia, bring back the fathiers from Canto Bight and that little Force-sensitive kid with the broom from The Last Jedi.

At this point, some of you may be wondering why I'm not attacking Zorii Bliss as well - isn't she also a brand-new character with very little real development? The answer to that is yes, she is, but she gives Poe Dameron some much-needed backstory. If you cut Zorii, Poe has no significant backstory, which means that she was actually important to the plot. (Also, Keri Russell is awesome, and has stunning eyes. Enough said.) 

So I'm sorry, Naomi Ackie, but I really wish that Jannah <i>wasn't</i> in The Rise of Skywalker. She's just there for too short to have any real development, and I'd rather use the time I gain from cutting her to focus on Rose and the actual plot.

While I'm Talking About The Plot: What On Earth Happened? Is Star Wars A Video Game, Now?

Ah, yes. Another big issue with The Rise of Skywalker is its rather disappointing lack of actual plot.

I'm sure some of you are frowning quite heavily at me right now, so let me backtrack a little and explain.

Upon first watching, The Rise of Skywalker seems like quite a good movie, really. (Except the ending, of course - but We Do Not Talk About The Ending.) It's only when you re-watch the movie that you realise that there is, in fact, very little really significant plot there.

To put it simply, a large part of the movie is a group of characters going to a Place to find a Thing that will help them find another Thing that will take them to another Place where they will save the world. Does this sound like a video game to anyone?

The thing with this kind of plot is that it works well the first time, when you don't know what's going to happen, and when the lack of plot can be hidden by dramatic explosions and cool fight scenes. Oh, and flying stormtroopers.

This is Star Wars, so there just has to be some explosions, as well as a quest of some kind. I don't deny that. But when said quest and explosions fill the story to such a degree that they become the plot, you're in cinematic trouble.

This is pretty much proven when you re-watch The Rise of Skywalker. Where the heroic quest and explosions and jetpack-sporting stormtroopers had you at the edge of your seat last time, now that you know what's coming, you start to see that very little actually happens in these scenes. Sure, they look cool, but they don't really affect the overall movement of the story in a significant way.

And that's a problem, given that most of the movie consists of scenes like these, or exposition. There are precious few scenes in which two or more characters have meaningful development in a way that will continue to affect them and the plot. This, unfortunately, means that the movie falls flat a bit when you watch it for the second time.

How would I change this?

Well, for starters, I would focus less on the actual hunt for the dagger and the wayfinder and whatever and more on the characters. How do they feel? Why do they feel it? And most importantly, how does this affect what happens to the rest of the characters and the plot?

Also, like I said before, more attention has to be given to a) Ben's redemption and b) an interesting sub-plot for Rose. And you know what? The lightsaber fight scenes could have been a lot cooler, as well.

Some More Complaining About The Plot: This Time, It's Plot Holes

Where to start, where to start. All movies have a plot hole of some kind, it's only natural, but The Rise of Skywalker is simply riddled with them.

Of course, this can be attributed to the lack of plot as explained in the previous rant. Since there is so little time spent actually developing the plot, it just stands to reason that said plot isn't the most watertight.

It's sort of spectacular, though, how quickly the first plot hole pops up. It must be just five minutes into the script - you guessed it, on Exegol.

Not only was the Emperor's resurrection never properly explained, but we also have about a thousand creepy Sith guys who are just suddenly there when needed for plot purposes. Who are they? Where did they come from? How did we not know about them before?

The Rise of Skywalker doesn't even try to answer any of these questions. It just gets glossed over in a classic example of How To Write A Glaring Plot Hole.

And while we're talking about Palpatine, let's take a look at his lackey-in-chief, Allegiant General Pryde, who oh-so-dramatically declares that he serves Palpatine "as I served you in the old wars."

Wait a minute. The old wars? As in the Return of the Jedi wars? Well then why on earth haven't we heard of Pryde before?

Sure, maybe he wasn't a major enough character to show in the original trilogy. But if he was such a faithful servant of Palpatine's, shouldn't he at least have made some kind of cameo in The Last Jedi or The Force Awakens? That would also have been some nice foreshadowing for the Emperor's return. 

Also, when and how did Rey fix Anakin's lightsaber? As I recall, at the end of The Last Jedi, it snapped in half. But when we skip to Rey in The Rise of Skywalker, it's perfectly whole again, with not a hint of explanation on the horizon.

Yes, maybe this isn't the biggest plot hole, but it's annoying. At least just have someone mention in passing "Oh well done Rey, you finished fixing the lightsaber" so it's not quite so out of the blue. 

And there's more. When Rey and Kylo have their big fight on Kef Bir, Rey quite clearly takes Kylo's TIE fighter. Since the Falcon most definitely did not stop by for him, how did Ben get off Kef Bir? 

This is never explained. He just pitches up on Exegol, and immediately starts fighting the Knights of Ren so you forget about wondering how he got there in the first place.

Can I just say the Knights of Ren were a disappointment? I was hoping for a lot more... anything, actually. They did pretty much nothing except look menacing for the entirety of the movie, unless you count getting thoroughly beaten by Ben on Exegol. 

I've probably missed another plot hole or seven, but I think I've had enough for the moment. You can only pull faces for so long, after all. I'm moving on.

  Last Thing: Too Much Fan Service

Picking up from where I left off - bad plot - I'll start by breaking a few hearts and saying that I thought Chewie should have died.

Wait, wait, don't run away screaming "Traitor!" like that! Dead Chewie would have been absolutely heart-breaking, I know, but it would have made for a really good plot point.

Rey thought she killed Chewie, and that quite understandably broke her heart. But then she finds out, oh no, wait, he's actually alive, there was another transport in the desert, ha ha, don't worry, fans. 

While that satisfies fans, looking at it critically, it would have been better to really kill Chewie. Very sad, yes, but better.

Let me explain. If Rey killed Chewie, really killed him, she would have been devastated. Being Rey, she probably would have isolated herself so she wouldn't accidentally hurt anyone else. She would have grieved, and her friends would have had to really work to comfort her and get her to trust herself again. This experience would have left Rey that much sadder and wiser, but stronger because of it.

This can be summed up quite simply: sad moments make the happy moments mean that much more.

But unfortunately for Rey's character development, Chewie is not really dead. The fans might be happy that they didn't lose a beloved character, but what they don't realise is that they lost a significant character progression instead.

And, sadly, this is not the only spot where the movie indulges its fans rather than a deeper plot.

For example, Rey buries Luke and Leia's lightsabers on Tattooine, and we fans get a warm tingly feeling in our stomachs because yay, we've come full circle.

But have we?

Tattooine holds nothing but bad memories for the Skywalker twins - Luke spent his entire life trying to get off the planet, and that homestead holds only bad memories for him. Easy as it is to forget, the last time Luke saw that homestead was when his aunt and uncle had been brutally murdered there. I somehow can't imagine that's where he would want his lightsaber buried - that's the equivalent of burying Harry Potter's wand at Number Four Privet Drive, for crying out loud. 

The same can be said for Leia. Her one experience of Tattooine was the infamous gold bikini scene with Jabba the Hutt - totally the place where she'd want to have her lightsaber, her legacy, buried, hmm?

My conclusion is that the "hopeful and uplifting" Tattooine ending scene is really only that way if you don't think too hard about it. Pure fan service, in other words.

Which is sad, if you consider the ending we could have had. We could have had Rey burying the lightsabers on Naboo, because that's where her grandfather came from, to symbolise that she really was leaving the past behind.

And if you have to be fan service-y, at least do it in the right way. Give Rey and Ben their happy ending, because as George Lucas puts it, having the boy and the girl walk into the sunset hand-in-hand adds ten million to the box office. (And a sunset across Naboo's seas would look very pretty, wouldn't it?)

In Conclusion: TROS Being So Bad Is Actually A Good Thing, Because Now We Get To Fix It The Way We Want

Take a moment to consider that. If The Rise of Skywalker was so bad that we no longer consider it canon, well, that means we can invent our own canon, doesn't it?

This is how I made my peace with The Rise of Skywalker - by accepting that the movie Disney gave us needed some severe changes, and applying them in my head. You won't believe how much better I feel now that I have "my" version of The Rise of Skywalker accepted as canon in my head.

That's my message to you all: if TROS has upset you as much as it did me, don't try to deny it to yourself. Gather a group of good friends around you and have a The Rise of Skywalker fix-it session, and talk it out until you've made the movie into what you want to see.

We are the fans, my friends, and we deserve the movie that we want to see. So get out there and make it for yourselves!

[tarantula-hawk-wasp]

All I could think about in the shower today was the post that’s like “beware of your friend Palpatine and your pal friendpatine”

[kennethherrerablog]

Manage Your Money, You Must: 10 Money Lessons We Learned from ‘Star Wars’

The Force will be with us — always.

Because “Star Wars” has embedded itself so deeply into our cultural DNA, it continues to shape the way we think about life.

Over numerous movies and assorted iterations, “Star Wars” has taught us about overcoming obstacles, about dealing with family drama, about friendship, about patience, about beating the odds — and even about money.

Because this is The Penny Hoarder, we’re especially interested in the part about money.

Even though the epic saga of Luke Skywalker & Co. played out a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, the financial wisdom we gleaned from it applies to the here and now.

Now, prepare to make the jump into hyperspace! Here’s what we’ve learned:

1. Always Pay Your Debts — Or Else

Bingo. This is always the first one everyone thinks of.

Han Solo owes money to the giant slug-like crime boss, Jabba the Hutt. When he doesn’t pay up, Jabba sends bounty hunter Boba Fett after him — basically a debt collector with blaster pistols and green Mandalorian armor.

Instead of declaring Chapter 7 bankruptcy, Han ends up frozen in carbonite. Then Princess Leia, Luke, Lando and the iconic droids have to infiltrate Jabba’s lair to save him in a sequel.

Just like with Solo, the longer you don’t pay off your debts, the bigger the problem gets. The interest piles up.

Pro Tip

Credit cards companies charge compound interest. If you don’t pay off your bill each month, the company charges interest that is added to the amount you owe. Then that new total is charged interest.

Your first step should be to figure out what you’re dealing with. Map out exactly what kind of debt you have. For example, which companies do you owe money to? Are any of your debts in collections? What are your minimum monthly payments on each credit card or loan?

An easy way to start doing this is to sign up with a free service like Credit Sesame. This tool shows your balance on any unpaid bills, credit cards or loans. It also offers tips on reducing your debt and raising your credit score.

2. Used Vehicles Offer the Best Value

The Millennium Falcon takes its share of verbal abuse in multiple “Star Wars” films.

“You came in that thing? You’re braver than I thought,” Princess Leia says upon first seeing the starship. And in “The Force Awakens,” Rey calls the ship “garbage.”

But the Millennium Falcon gets the job done. (Did we mention that it made the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs?) Turns out you don’t always need a shiny new vehicle.

Used cars are often a better deal than new ones. Consumer Reports recommends buying a car that’s two or three years old. For tips on buying a used car, go here or here or here.

You’ll need to take care of your ride, though. (The Falcon’s hyperdrive keeps breaking down despite Chewbacca’s best efforts in “The Empire Strikes Back.”)

According to a AAA survey, 1 in 3 U.S. drivers can’t pay for an unexpected auto repair. Consider creating an emergency fund with a high-yield bank account.

3. Negotiate the Best Deal You Can

Early in “A New Hope,” Luke and Uncle Owen are bargaining with some creepy little jawas over the price of some used droids.

When an R2 unit they’d just bought immediately breaks down, Uncle Owen aggressively questions the quality of what the jawas are selling: “Hey, what are you trying to push on us?”

The result: Luke’s family gets the best droid ever, R2-D2.

Negotiating isn’t just for markets and cars, any variable expense can be negotiated to a lower price — you just have to know what to look for.

4. “Do or Do Not. There is No Try.”

Yoda’s admonition to Luke in “The Empire Strikes Back” is probably the biggest zen moment in any of these movies.

As always, Yoda is right on target. You’re either going to do it, or you’re not. Don’t just try.

If you’re going to make financial changes, commit to them and be consistent. Don’t just try once or twice and then forget about it. Sticking to it is the key to success.

Pro Tip

Help yourself by making it harder to spend. Deleting your credit card number from your internet browser can create just enough of a hurdle to force you to pause before giving in to that impulse buy.

For instance, saving money is hard. Consider trying an auto-savings app like Acorns.

Once you connect it to a debit or credit card, it rounds your purchases up to the nearest dollar and funnels your digital change into a savings or investment account.

Because the money comes out in increments of less than $1, you’re less likely to feel an impact in your bank account.

5. Don’t Let the Little Details Blow Up On You

The Empire spared no expense on the Death Star, don’t you think?

You’ve got to figure that moon-sized battle stations capable of blowing up planets don’t come cheap (especially two of them).

But they overlooked that pesky little design flaw that allowed the Rebel Alliance to destroy the whole thing. Whoops!

Don’t neglect the details like that, because they’ll burn you. Don’t skimp on maintenance and repairs for big-ticket items like your home and car. If you blow that stuff off, you’ll just end up paying more in the end.

Another lesson from the Death Star: Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. The Empire sure had a lot riding on its supercool Death Star, didn’t it?

Don’t depend on just one thing. Diversify your investments. Here’s how one woman used an app to make sure her 401(k) was in balance.

6. Get Rid of Your Old Stuff

The “Star Wars” universe looks different than Star Trek and other sci-fi settings. “Star Wars” has that “lived-in” look — there’s junk everywhere. You know, just like your house.

And in the “Star Wars” movies, people make money selling that junk — just like you should.

In “The Force Awakens,” Rey is a scavenger on the planet Jakku, feeding herself by salvaging parts from ships.

On Luke’s home planet of Tatooine, those jawas we mentioned earlier appear to be scavengers, too.

Pro Tip

Letgo is an app that lets you connect with people who want your old stuff. It’s free to use — just snap a photo, upload your item and add a description and price.

In “The Phantom Menace” — hey, here’s our first and only mention of the prequels! — Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi meet young Anakin Skywalker in a junk shop where he fixes things.

Meanwhile, here on our planet, a number of apps are making it easier than ever to sell your old stuff online.

To free up space and earn some extra cash, use apps to sell your stuff. Listing the right stuff in the right marketplaces means you’re more likely to sell it for the right price.

7. Beware of Scams. Know What Things Are Worth.

Toward the beginning of “The Force Awakens,” a hungry Rey nearly pawns the droid BB-8 in exchange for 60 portions of inflatable food. She’s sorely tempted, but senses something is wrong and backs off.

That’s the surest way to spot a scam: If a deal looks too good to be true, it probably is.

Whether you’re selling a droid or shopping for shoes online, you’ve got to watch out for rip-offs. Here’s how to protect yourself from imposter scams, credit repair scams, identity theft and senior scams.

As long as identity theft remains a huge problem you need to keep an eye on your credit and transactions.

8. Embrace the Gig Economy

When Luke and Obi-Wan need transportation to Alderaan, they basically catch an Uber. A space Uber. They pay for the Millennium Falcon to take them there.

Here on Earth, you can make like Han and Chewie in your Honda or Chevy by driving with Uber or Lyft and make extra money each week on your own schedule.

Pro Tip

In addition to age requirements for drivers, Uber and Lyft both have age restriction for your vehicle that are based on regulations in your city.

There are other entry-level ways to make money nowadays that you can do on your own time – and from your phone – thanks to the growing gig economy.

Craigslist is an easy place to sell your services under the “Gigs” section. Pay and tasks will vary, of course. And if you don’t trust Craigslist, check out TaskRabbit or Fiverr – to name just a few.

9. If the Deal Turns to the Dark Side, Cut Your Losses

Here at The Penny Hoarder, we’re always looking for good deals.

We’re always asking, Is this a good deal or not a good deal? And when we hear the words “deal” and “”Star Wars”,” we can’t help but think of Lando Calrissian in “The Empire Strikes Back.”

Lando … Lando did not get a good deal.

When Han, Leia and Chewie first turn up in Cloud City, Lando tells them, “I’ve just made a deal that’ll keep the Empire out of here forever.”

Of course, the deal involves betraying his friends. Later, Darth Vader menacingly informs Lando, “I am altering the deal. Pray I don’t alter it any further.”

Still later, when Vader threatens Lando further and mistreats his friends, Lando fumes, “This deal is getting worse all the time!”

That’s when he switches sides.

If you make a deal and the reality doesn’t match what you were promised, be prepared to walk away. Cut your losses and move on.

10. Sand People Always Walk in Single File to Hide Their Numbers

You see, from this we can learn that … no, no, wait. That’s not a good example at all. We learn no financial truths from that.

We’ve got nothing for you here.

Let’s try this instead. One of the most important lessons we learned from “Star Wars” is:

10. Make Sure You Have a Long-Term Plan

The heroes and villains of the “Star Wars” universe are seriously into some long-term planning.

Emperor Palpatine’s master plan takes several movies to unfold. After he reveals himself to be Darth Sidious and strikes, Yoda and Obi-Wan lay low for a couple of decades after the prequels, waiting for their chance to return the favor.

Of course, when we first meet Obi-Wan and Yoda, they’re chilling in a cave and a swamp, respectively. Apparently the Jedi Council didn’t have much of a 401(k) match.

The sooner you start saving, investing and paying down your debt, the better off you’ll be.

All told, that’s everything that “Star Wars” has taught us about money so far. Take it as you will.

Do, or do not.

There is no try.

Mike Brassfield (mike@thepennyhoarder.com) is a senior writer at The Penny Hoarder. His “Star Wars”-loving co-workers helped out with this post.

This was originally published on The Penny Hoarder, which helps millions of readers worldwide earn and save money by sharing unique job opportunities, personal stories, freebies and more. The Inc. 5000 ranked The Penny Hoarder as the fastest-growing private media company in the U.S. in 2017.

Manage Your Money, You Must: 10 Money Lessons We Learned from ‘Star Wars’ published first on https://justinbetreviews.tumblr.com/

[firelordderpy]

And Now Episode 3, Revenge of the Sith!

This is probably the coolest intro into a Star Wars movie we’ve gotten, heck probably like the best scene of the movie!

Anakin’s hair looks better

The Droids decimated those Clone Pilots, mechanized pilots have distinct advantages, as Obi-Wan says “Flying is for droids”

Don’t see why you’d use buzz droids instead of Bomb droids.

General Grievous, the coolest looking character in this film.

Obi-Wan isn’t having any luck with elevators

I wonder where Dooku was hiding? In a closet with his droids just waiting for the Jedi to pass? Well nothing beats a dramatic entry

Way to shoot yourself in the foot by telling Anakin how to beat you Dooku! (True in the extra novels you learn that he was wanting ani to use his anger so that he would fall to the Darkside and that his master had told him he wouldn’t tell Ani to kill him)

Basically, the Entire Invisible Hand is awesome fun.

“Wait a minute how did this happen we’re smarter than this!” “Apparently not”

The super kicking R2 actually made me laugh out loud

“You're welcome” Battle Droids can use Sarcasm

Killing defenseless pilot droids that are keeping the ship from crashing, good work guys

One of them even had his hands up!

“we lost something”

You know if they weren’t piloting that ship, it could really take out a lot of the city

I wonder how many people were obliterated in that tower...

Any landing you can walk away from.......

Ani and Padma’s scene was very well acted I thought, especially the facial emotions.

I mean the dialog in the romance is kinda cheesy, but it’s really not as bad as people say, I think they are believable. 

Anakin goes to Yoda for help, and all he gets is a “Beware the Dark side” and “If people die, totally it’s cool, and your only option is to not be attached.” Gee, that’s helpful advice YODA! 

“Be careful of Palpatine, but I’m not going to actually tell you why.”

Surprising it took this long to get an envoy from the Republic government on the Council. 

“We’re putting you on the Council, but not making you master, nor are we going to tell you why or anything like that, just blindly trust us.”

“Oh and then we want you to spy on your friend and commit treason against the Republic, covertly. And essentially choose us or him, oh and yeah we know you believe its against the Jedi code as well, but the entire council really wants you to do it.” 

“Do you ever think we might be on the wrong side?” Loving this political stuff, also one more person who Anakin trusts, pushing him towards not trusting the Republic/Jedi, albeit unintentionally. 

The Opera scene, quiet yet, very, very well done. Palpatine, the only one stroking Ani’s Ego. 

Really, this is a good scene, Palpatine tells Ani all the reasons to trust him instead of the council, using the Jedi’s attempt to make Anakin choose them over Palpatine against them.

Putting the idea in Anakin’s head that the Jedi will break the code and try to take over, like how they asked him to break code and spy.

“All who gain power are afraid to lose it, even the Jedi” All the people who think Anakin’s turn to the Dark Side was too quick weren’t paying attention, this entire scene is when the turn began, and when the Tale of the Sith who can prevent those he loves from dying, the hook is baited. 

And then what happens next? Anakin is battle blocked by the Jedi in favor of Obi-Wan, he gets the information and then the Jedi are like “We don’t think you can handle this because you’re not a master.” They’re just setting themselves up for failure, and they can’t even see it.

The start of the battle for Kashyyyk! A nice piece of action to keep your blood pumping for the next set of talking, but really not enough 

Wait, why are you leaving your trenches you hairy fools!

Anakin turns to his father figure, and he gives good advice, unfortunately keeping them apart means that Anakin doesn’t have that calming support for the big decision coming.

Anakin has doubts, his repressed feelings are bubbling up and he has very few options to get help, and especially with his wife who he can’t tell anyone about.

Sneaky Obi with the least covert mount in history

“hello there”

Grievous, coolest lightsaber fighter in the movies, even though he doesn’t win. 

And the Cavalry has arrived, running in without bothering to use cover,

And now the Jedi are planning exactly what Palpatine said they would.

Palpatine once again plays Anakin’s Ego and fears that the Jedi don’t trust him, as well as justifying his dark side knowledge with the reasonable statement that you have to study more than just one side.

Even when Anakin is saying he’s going to turn him in, Palpatine agrees and says it’s a wise move, always soothing his ego and playing up his insecurities. 

Kenobi vs Greivious, no lightsabers just a brawl, 

That moment you kick someone’s leg and they’re made of something harder than you....

RiP Grievous. :(

Anakin arrives and the Jedi are immediately mobilizing to force Palpatine to give up power, from his perspective based on what he’s been told, you got to admit that looks sketchy like they’re using it as an excuse to launch a coup.

Then when Anakin is a good little spy and does it, they leave him behind. They refuse to let him come along, refuse to trust him. Trust is a two-way street and of the people in this movie, who has Trusted Anakin? The Council? No, Windu flat out says he will trust Anakin if this is true, but implies he didn’t trust before. Obi-Wan? yes, but he’s far away. Palpatine? Yes but he’s a Sith.

There’s little dialog, but in this moment Anakin decides he needs Palpatine, and that his only loyalty is to Padme, she’s the only one he can truly trust, and the one he will protect. And for her, he needs Palpatine alive. 

And then the Jedi just barge in and try to arrest the democratically elected leader of the Republic, being rash seems to be a trait in all Jedi apparently.

Choose those who don’t trust you, or save your wife. A hard choice, but then Mace Windu does something, he breaks the code, he says he’s going to kill Palpatine, a man who is currently unarmed, weak, defenseless, and a prisoner. The same dilemma that Anakin had in the Invisible hand. 

“He’s too dangerous to be left alive.” The words that Palpatine, a Sith, told Anakin as reason to kill Dooku, one of the most respected Jedi is now quoting a Sith, about to break the Jedi code that is supposed to be so sacred and is the reason Anakin can’t be with Padme, and about to kill Anakin’s way of saving his wife. Despite both the begging of Palpatine and Anakin telling Windu the very code they both swore to uphold, Windu pulls back to strike. If you take a moment to think about it, what Anakin does next is not very surprising. 

POOOOOOOOWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAA

And with the path of the Jedi closed, Anakin has only one thing left, Padme, and will do anything to save her, anything.

“When the Jedi learn what has happened here, they will kill us, along with all the senators” Palpatine has sold Anakin on the idea of a Jedi plot to take over the Republic, now he adds that Senators will be targeted, so Anakin thinks that exterminating the Jedi will protect his Senator. 

This whole part of the movie makes sense, though sometimes the dialog is a little hammy

Order 66, The Clones marching on the Temple is dang epic.

“Obi-Wan here’s your lightsaber back!” “Execute order 66″ “Well wish you told me that sooner!”

Just noticed that the AT-TE blast had a drop, meaning that it was a projectile weapon. 

Palpy, you should have sent the order for Yoda’s death first.

Who could have known that trusting an army of Clones you got from a Mysterious source and didn’t order, conveniently right when a war was brewing, was a Bad idea....

“No one could have survived that fall!” They said as Obi-Wan is ten feet away.

They didn’t even pick up Grievous's body?  How disrespectful! 

Anakin and Padme scene, once again actually pretty good again, don’t see why so many complained about it.

“he will take care of you” That's a tricky wording. 

And unfortunately, the Separatist leaders learn not to Trust the Sith the hard way.

“So this is how liberty dies, with thunderous applause” Best political statement in the movies. 

You guys should have teamed up to take them out one by one. Palpatine first.

Gee Obi-Wan, you should have listened to Dooku when he told you this last movie.

“I’ll be alright captain” No you won’t Padme...

Good timing Obi-Wan.... Not.

Yoda time for those guards he has not

Go for the Knees Yoda! They’re what you can easily reach...

Not much to say about the lightsaber battles but that they’re really cool.

Yoda really should have brought back up....

Brave Yoda ran away, bravely ran away, away......

Oooooh, High Ground > Anakin’s Power

Always confirm your kills Obi-Wan....

“For reasons we can’t explain we’re losing her” Bet ya a credit it’s Palpatine sucking the life out of her to save Anakin. 

And it turns out the way to Immortality was in the light side all along! 

Nice to see Alderaan, I hope nothing bad happens to it.... 

Twin suns, a nice bookend

So, all in all, I enjoyed the movie, was it perfect? No. Was some of the dialog cheesy? yes. But was there anything that stopped me from enjoying it? No, I enjoyed it a lot. Good movie I think. Definitely the strongest prequel movie. 

[gffa]

Something I’ve been trying to figure out for awhile that maybe someone can help me with:  Is there a specific in-canon mention of the Jedi being practitioners of the Light Side only?  Like, not merchandise or anything and not that the Sith are Dark Side users, because I know a lot of tie-in stuff associates them with the Light Side and pits them against the Dark Side, but I’m having trouble recalling specific instances of the Jedi being Of The Light. They definitely use Light Side powers!  But do they only use the Light Side? So much of what I’m finding seems to be “don’t turn to the Dark Side” in the sense of “don’t be overrun by the Dark Side”.  So much of it seems to lend itself to the idea of me wanting to assume that they only use one or the other, but then why is the prophecy “to bring balance to the Force”, not “to destroy the Dark Side”?  As far as I can find, the Jedi never mention wanting to destroy the Dark Side, I think they want to destroy the Sith. It’s clear that the Jedi are wary of the Dark Side, it seems like they’re stronger in the light, but “the Light Side” is never mentioned in the movies, as far as I can tell?  It’s never mentioned that they want to destroy the Dark Side.  It’s mentioned that they want to bring balance to the Force, but what does that mean?  Have I gotten stuck on the idea that the Jedi were Light Side Only, when maybe that’s not true?  Have I gotten stuck on how I define Light vs Dark?  What does “balance” entail, not what I think it means, but what does Star Wars think it means?  What do the Jedi think it means?  (And this is why I’m using as many citations as I can, because it’s easy to speculate, but what I think might be true might not actually be evidenced in canon.) Am I forgetting something that nails all this down and says, yes, the Jedi were of the Light Side?  (I’m hesitant to use anything outside of top-tier canon because, you know, while there is a Storygroup, different authors are going to make different assumptions and bring different things to the table, rather than the more unified top-tiear canon sources that are the movies and probably TCW+Rebels.)

WHAT I REMEMBER::  

(Scripts were used from IMDb, which may include extra lines from the novelizations, I think?  But I tried to stick to what I remember without looking each one up individually.) ON THE DARK SIDE: - Yoda says in TPM that fear and anger are the paths to the dark side, which is a warning, that you have to be strong against these things (which Anakin is not). - Yoda says the Dark Side is hard to see in TPM, referencing that the Sith might have returned without them knowing, but that’s still not saying the Jedi don’t touch the dark side at times. - Yoda says the Dark Side clouds everything in AOTC. - In AOTC, Mace says:  “The propecy is coming true, the Dark Side is growing.”   Yoda:  “And only those who have turned to the Dark Side can sense the possibilities of the future. Only going through the Dark Side can we see.” - Obi-Wan:  “Has Master Yoda gained any insight into whether or not this war will come about?”   Mace:  “Probing the Dark Side is a dangerous process. He could be in seclusion for days... May the force be with you.” - Dooku:  “I have spent the last ten years learning to use the power of the Dark Side. It gives me infinitely greater power.” - in ROTS, Yoda says, “Careful you must be when sensing the future, Anakin. The fear of loss is a path to the dark side.” - Palpatine says, “The difference between the two is the Sith are not afraid of the dark side of the Force.”, but I’d be real hesitant about taking Palpatine’s word as reliable. - Palpatine: “My mentor taught me everything about the Force . . . even the nature of the dark side.”   Anakin: “You know the dark side?!?”   Palpatine:  “Anakin, if one is to understand the great mystery, one must study all its aspects, not just the dogmatic, narrow view of the Jedi. If you wish to become a complete and wise leader, you must embrace a larger view of the Force. [....] Only through me can you achieve a power greater than any Jedi. Learn to know the dark side of the Force, Anakin, [....]” - Anakin:  “I see through the lies of the Jedi. I do not fear the dark side as you do.” - Anakin:  “Don't make me destroy you, Master. You're no match for the dark side.” - in ANH, all that’s mentioned is that Vader was “seduced to the Dark Side of the Force”. - In ESB, Yoda says, “Run! Yes. A Jedi's strength flows from the Force. But beware of the dark side. Anger... fear... aggression. The dark side of the Force are they. Easily they flow, quick to join you in a fight. If once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will, as it did Obi-Wan's apprentice.”   Luke:  “Vader.  Is the dark side stronger?”   Yoda:  “No... no... no.  Quicker, easier, more seductive.”   Luke:  “But how am I to know the good side from the bad?”   Yoda:  “You will know.  When you are calm, at peace.  Passive.  A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defense, never for attack.” - Obi-Wan:  “Luke, don't give in to hate - that leads to the dark side.” - in ROTJ, Palpatine says:  “Patience, my friend. In time he will seek you out. And when he does, you must bring him before me. He has grown strong. Only together can we turn him to the dark side of the Force.” - Yoda:  “Remember, a Jedi's strength flows from the Force.  But beware.  Anger, fear, aggression. The dark side are they.  Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny.” - Obi-Wan:  “You father was seduced by the dark side of the Force. He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became Darth Vader.” - Obi-Wan:  “To be a Jedi, Luke, you must confront and then go beyond the dark side - the side your father couldn't get past. Impatience is the easiest door - for you, like your father. Only, your father was seduced by what he found on the other side of the door, and you have held firm.” - Luke:  “Never! I'll never turn to the dark side. You've failed, Your Highness. I am a Jedi, like my father before me.” - Palpatine:  “Your feeble skills are no match for the power of the dark side. You have paid the price for your lack of vision.” - In Rebels “Steps into Shadow”, Bendu says:  “Jedi and Sith wield the Ashla and Bogan, the light and the dark.  I'm the one in the middle, the Bendu.” but this is way out past the GL era and I’m not sure what to make of Bendu.  But still it does mention light/dark and Jedi/Sith.

ON BALANCE: - In ROTS, Obi-Wan says:  “With all due respect, Master, is he not the Chosen One? Is he not to destroy the Sith and bring balance to the Force?” - Obi-Wan:  “You were the Chosen One! It was said that you would, destroy the Sith, not join them. It was you who would bring balance to the Force, not leave it in Darkness.” - In AOTC, Mace says:  “Do you think Obi-Wan's apprentice will be able to bring balance to the Force?” - Mace:  “He has exceptional skills. The Council is confident in its decision, Obi-Wan. If the prophecy is true, he weill be the one to bring balance to the Force.” - In TPM, Mace says:  “You're referring to the prophesy of the one who will bring balance to the Force...you believe it's this boy??” - Qui-Gon:  “He is the chosen one...he will...bring balance...train him!”

ON THE LIGHT SIDE: - I can’t find any specific mentions of the light side?

eta: This 2010 interview has George Lucas explicitly saying “you have the Light SIde and the Dark Side, one is selfless, one is selfish, and you want to keep them in balance.” and talks about what it means to fall to the Dark Side and what that selfishness means.

[lankoshine]

I have not tried to read, although I would have done it with great pleasure. But you don't need to read to understand that Jedi behave like pigs and hypocrites. What would you call a teacher who, in response to your merits for some 10 years of study, top marks, participation in school circles and competitions, excellent performance, responsibility and discipline equality, will refuse you a good characterization and give you a bad grade? Only because you are on good terms with the school caretaker, whom all teachers accuse of alcoholism and child abuse. At the same time, these same teachers allowed you to communicate with him and even make you follow him and report to them about his behavior. For Anakin, especially in his early years, there was no difference between Palpatine and Yoda. Both were like kind, wise grandfathers to him. And what does this bright child care about their personal dislike for each other? But the council behaves like a hysterical bitch who doesn't know what she wants. It seems like they don't trust Palpatine, but Anakin is allowed to get close to him. At the same time, "beware of him, put your instinct and the like" and immediately "spy on him, council asks you." Which three minutes ago gave you a kick in the ass and a blow in the face "you won't be a master!" Of course, anyone with a great desire will want to fulfill the requests of these bastards. And about how Obi-Wan behaves with Anakin, I have a firm conviction that "light and all such white and fluffy" charming Obi-Wan somewhere in the depths of his soul envied Anakin, despised and hated him. Very deep in his soul that sometimes rose to the surface like champagne bubbles and sparkled in his eyes. He had no love - neither "brotherly", let alone "fatherly". He had a bastard imposed by a dying master, who very quickly became more capable and stronger by a trillion times, more stately, handsome and daring. He allowed himself to enter into a secret relationship contrary to the dogma of the Jedi, allowed himself to contradict the advice and the teacher. Saved the that teacher's ass dozens of times. Of course envy and self-interest are ahead of love... Can only the desire to surpass? And the zeal for battle on Utapau is nothing more than this very desire. And no worries about the apprentice during attacks on the temple, I certainly exaggerate, maybe somewhere on the periphery and in the beautiful novels on SW he expressed his concern, but judging by the films about Anakin, he only remembered when he looked at the recordings. And in a pretentious top-down position, growl at the apprentice like a dog "let her go", instead of throwing him away by force until he broke the neck of his beloved wife. Oh yeah! And "Anakin, I stand above you!" this is such a sooooo secretive allusion to all of the above. Should quit dying  young guy with fourth degree burns? Without the limbs that you cut off him. Although if he wanted to kill, he would have chopped off head or pierced Anakin with a sword. And if he didn't want to kill or maim, he easily jumped back or dodged to the side! But it feels like he did it on purpose. I will not accept any argument here. No explanation or excuse from Obi-Wan. He's a cruel fucking bastard and an asshole! Even the most cruel enemies finish off each other out of pity and out of respect for each other. Obi-Wan lacks combat honor and respect for anyone. Only blind faith in the dogmas of the council, which makes him yell, showered with claims the disciple writhing in agony. And then calmly turn around and leave. And then with a grin, remember what Anakin was a "good friend, pilot and fighter"! I would not wish such a teacher and savior of the galaxy to anyone. I think from the outside I seem like a wild hater of Obi-Wan. But I will not say that I hate him as a character (as a fake character, I hate Skyguy, as specific characters - Starkiller and the "cardboard boxes" from the Sequels). Obi-Wan's character is great, deep, detailed, original and cool. But from the point of view of his actions and behavior, I have, to put it mildly, "burning claims"!

Not tired of saying the same things in every post you reblog? Also, ever heard of the 'keep reading' tool? might be useful...

You mean how like so many hardcore Kenobi stans and anti-Anakin/Vader stans go on these long rants on tumblr absolving Yoda, Obi Wan, and the Jedi Council before Luke of every shitty thing they’ve ever done, such as brainwashing, child abuse, conscription of child soldiers, condoning of slavery on the outer rims, mind tricks, using the clones as slaves, committing war crimes, and leaving a man out to burn alive, rather than just putting him out of his misery, while victim blaming Anakin for being “a ungrateful brat” for not daring to love and accept Yoda, Obi Wan, and the Jedi Council when they pretty much abused him, isolated him from his family and friends, gaslit him, oppressed his individual rights as a person, emotionally neglected him, and allowed for him to speak with the Chancellor for “the greater good” alone, starting from the age of 9, only to tell him not to trust him when it was no longer a convenience for them anymore?