#better 2023

[rabid-transcendentalist]

when I have to take 5x as long to spam the moots with evil boops:

[twilight-zoned-out]

Some things about Allan:

He’s the only one who reacts to the narrator

He’s the only doll (besides the Weird House) who isn’t swayed in some way by Ken’s takeover

He also declares himself as “Ken's buddy" (making canon his official box description) which makes his inability to be swayed more interesting

He has bendable legs (probably the only reason he tries to jump the fence instead of going around like everyone else)

He easily decked a half-dozen construction Kens and could probably singlehandedly win the Ken fight

He seems to know more about the real world than most Barbies

He knows what NSYNC is 

He knows about other Allan copies living in the real world (I’m trying to figure out if he made this up to convince the humans he can live in the real world, but even if he did, how does he know what NSYNC is???)

There are no other Allan models

[countingstars-17]

charles driving at sunset in austin vs max driving into the storm in brazil

[kyojuuros]

[felixcatton]

VAMPIRE APPRECIATION WEEK → Favourite Vampire: Claudia de Pointe du Lac

I am done enduring.

[choochooboss]

Someone's looking well dressed tonight! What could they be up to at this late hour..? Who knows if they're after your precious life source... or perhaps to kindly escort you safely to your destination.

[gaytor-golf]

A sleepy afternoon on the Sunny :)

I'm churning out art so fucking fast rn jeez anyway Mother Robin and the two teenagers that she accidentally adopted peep the panda ref

[spacenintendogs]

barbie (2023) moodboard

[andysandfordcomedy]

2022 I bid you adieu

(badass album cover by Ben Ziskind)

(me after first surgery. August 2020)

I’ll be honest with you, trusting reader: it feels pretty good to do one of these end of the year posts without the all too familiar “good riddance, this stupid ass year and hello, arbitrarily numbered upcoming year: Imma make you my BITCH!” At a certain point, the disingenuous core of that fake attitude shines through and it’s just a bit cringy. I can’t help but fall into the trap of assigning meaning to this year because it just so happens to be proof in a 3 year cup of pudding for me. 2020 was so fucking rough for me, and I was not in the mood to overcome all that bullshit (Crohn’s flare up, addiction issues, 2 surgeries, 3 months with a colostomy bag, intensely alone and depressed the whole time) just to get to a starting point of 0 for what I needed to do: build, workout, and eventually tape my best hour. I built and worked it out after moving to Atlanta in March of 2021, recorded in February 2022, and after some bullshit, finally released in November of 2022. It feels so goddam good to be able to say that. And not only that, but with all the tracks in rotation on 3 different channels on XM and an amazing jump off with 6 full album spins (meaning whole album played straight through 6 times) in week one. That’s the way to start the day right there(woo!).

I’m not one for heavy spiritual overtones, but if I hadn’t already had experience in setting goals that were just beyond the horizon and with no road map to guide me toward accomplishing those goals, I don’t know if I could have followed through with how far past the horizon and how vague the path was to get to where I hoped to get on this particular trial and tribulation. I really felt on the cusp of letting myself wither away in my room in bedstuy OR following the pull of the intuitive compass inside my chest pulling me towards Atlanta, towards the Earl, towards the people I needed to work with, and toward a very specific career path that I would be the first person I know to prove to myself it’s a viable one. I know that sounds crazy, or maybe dramatic, but I don’t know anyone that made the same plans as me, much less someone to watch pave the away ahead of me, reassuring me that it’s doable. Now I know that it’s more doable than I had initially hoped, which never fucking happens to me. 

Ok, I will try not to be vague here for the sake of others wondering what career paths are viable in stand up comedy. Of course, I think everyone should know that there truly is no set path to “making it” and I don’t even know what you have in your head as what “making it” is, but everyone should come to terms with the good and bad sides of how true that is, that there is no set path to a comedy career. On one end, you need not be discouraged if you don’t seem to fit what is often portrayed to be the path to comedy success. If you are like me and mysteriously unbookable for all supposed comedy stepping stone up & coming comedians on the rise/look out for these new faces of comedy’s future showcase festivals as decided by industry gate keepers with the power to “make” whoever they think they’ve discovered...don’t worry. Not only is it possible to have a career without being tapped by a future outted sex offender type, that whole model is completely hollow. That is all pomp and pageantry that doesn’t predict the future of comedy at all. On occasion, they happen to see the talent in a talented person that would’ve gone onto to do big things with their talent regardless, and then people reverse engineer what was causation and correlation or whatever. My point is, don’t fucking shed one tear over not getting New Faces, or wonder if you should quit because Comedy Central told you in a meeting that they just don’t know what to do with you, but hey you are funny. And yes, that’s me I am referencing there. My intuition told me to let my stubbornness take the wheel and laugh at those execs when they said that to me, because at the time Comedy Central was everything and to accept reality at that moment would mean I was just informed for sure that I had no chance at a career in comedy. Luckily, I have to do this anyway, and as it turned out, Comedy Central ain’t shit now and is only going to be less relevant to anyone in the world of stand up going forward. That’s the good part about there being no set path: you can’t know for a fact that you’re screwed. The downside is of course that you can’t be sure what is a viable approach until you know where that approach leads. And now I will stop gumflappin and explain my personal path I’ve decided to thwack through the comedy woods.

One aspect of comedy that you can bet your bottom dollar on is that you can’t really rely on shit. Everything is so precarious and quick-sandy. So many big things almost happen before the bottom falls out. Even live shows that you have already done make you nervous until that check clears. One of the only dependable sources of income in comedy for me personally has been residuals through the world of comedy audio. Over the years, my monthly sound exchange deposit has only become more and more crucial to my survival, and it’s at the heart of any possibly viable shot at making the kind of passive income where I could do more than just get by, but could actually see myself having real money to retire on and continue to grow. It took a couple albums that I worked very hard on and years of experience learning how XM and Pandora and the world of comedy audio itself works to not just be able to pay my rent and bills with my monthly deposit, but to see a path and timeline that could be very lucrative and actually doable, though not easy at all. In 2018, I released my second album and first special, Shameful Information, and my first album, Me The Whole Time, was still getting played on XM quite a bit, so for 2018/19 I was averaging an all time high for me on my monthly deposits. Well life kept happening to me as it does, and I had never had to think along the lines of any timeline beyond check to check my whole life, so yada yada, by the time pandemic hit and my deposits started to dip down some and I had no other income, and no plan or real possible way to be ready to record a next album that would be anywhere up to snuff, much less better than my last one (always my goal), I had to think about how to start gettin busy working toward my next best hour, and I knew that best case scenario, I wouldn’t have a whole grip of new tracks being added to rotation for at least a couple years. And as things tend to go, I was thrown into much worse than the best case scenario, so it’s really a miracle that I only had to suffer a more or less 5 year gap. The longest gap I will ever allow moving forward, I assure you. However, even with that damn near 5 year gap, I am still covering rent and bills with my deposit having no tracks newer than 2018. That goes to show the staying power of comedy audio if you put in the effort to make a good album. That showed me that if I can bust my ass to record a quality album every 2 to 2 and a half years, I won’t just be playing catch up, I will be stacking paper more and more with each album. 

Basket Case came out in November, and I will start getting money from those tracks in February and March, and my hope to get back to where I was in 2018/19 and then work on the next album to put me over that mark turned out to be wrong in the best way. The good news is, I will be making the money I hoped to be making in 2024/25 by February 2023. That is wonderful news, but no reason to think I added time to the clock. It’s all about keeping the quality up anyway, but that happens to be an obsession of mine that I can’t not shoot for. I’m just putting all this down on record here to let whoever needs to know that a career in comedy without fame or celebrity or the average person even knowing who you are is very possible. I am that comedian. Only comedy nerds know me, and I really don’t mind that at all. I want everyone who would love my shit to be able to find my shit and see me in person. Beyond that, everyone else can kick rocks. I don’t need em. I’ve been poor as shit most of my life, and I am about to be richer than I ever thought I would be. I feel lucky as hell that I can’t help myself from doing what some would consider an insane amount of work, but it isn’t work to me. It never will be. That’s dumb luck, ya know?

Do me a favor: Don’t follow your fucking dreams. Dreams are nonsense: follow your obsession, and figure out some way to satisfy that obsession so that it pays you well enough to not have to actually work just so that you can do that thing. If that isn’t possible in the end, turn to non-violent crime. That’s what I’d do. Anything but soul draining jobs that make other people money. Do whatever you can to have money and not let money have you. Don’t be afraid to lean toward the less safe route. Having a financial safety net won’t save you from being miserable. Do whatever ya gotta do, just don’t do what you wanna do any less. That’s all you’ll regret in the end, believe me. You heard it here: 2023 is gonna be great. Imma start dispensing rhyming wisdom, for real. 

Follow your obsession, fight off your depression.

toodles 2022!

-Andy

[oliviawhen]

Doggust Days 12 & 13: Greyhound (Kona) & Mutt

Bree Lundberg's greyhound who just turned 8 & a random mystery dog I saw while sketching yesterday.

[slippy-socks]

yeehawgust day 16: prairie fire

[madefrom-stardust]

does she know i'm tattooed onto your heart

[3cosmicfrogs]

more from the AU where just about everything goes wrong for @zukkaweek Day 6: Royalty. ID in ALT.

Sokka: *exists*

Zuko: *grab*

[mysteriousmissme]

everyone knows where they were when aidairo dropped these a year ago

ITS BEEN A YEAR.

[matches-art]

Needed to draw something for the last day of Rosemary month

[danandfuckingjonlmao]

ok everybody block dnp on all socials they have eyes everywhere. they know way too much. those omniscient fuckers are always watching. no one is safe.

like what do you MEAN you know about those stupid “real voice” compilations and people absolutely clowning about jumpcuts and smudged whiskers and what do you MEAN you’re aware of those 2009 phan theories people still debate to this day? what happened to “i don’t check my indirects” “i don’t go on the tags”?? i bet you’re lurking RIGHT NOW reading this very post. all men do is lie. can’t trust anyone 😤😪