#best Solar Quotes
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Eclipse: He doesn't deserve you. If he doesn't treat you right by now, you're gone.
Solar: I'm gone.
Eclipse: Now go chop his di-
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#tsams lwyd au#lwyd incorrect quotes#lwyd nice eclipse#lwyd eclipse#if eclipse was alive i feel like he'd get along with Solar#they'd be gay best friends#queued
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SOLAR RETURN OBSERVATIONS: PT.III
SOLAR RETURN OBSERVATIONS PT. I
SOLAR RETURN OBSERVATIONS PT. II
✰ my masterlist
✺ Sun in the 12th House ✺ You might feel especially drained during this year. It's going to be hard to wake up everyday, your body and soul need rest. Maintaining a positive attitude is going to be difficult, life may feel overwhelming and you’ll feel as though you don’t have the strength to take it all on. But, trust that you do. This SR placement makes me think of a specific quote, “In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.” (Albert Camus)
✺ Venus Opposite Saturn ✺ All of your insecurities are going to be heightened. This might be a lonely year for you, there won’t be many social events. Do everything you can to avoid financial debt, and if you have any, put all of your best effort into paying it off.
✺ Jupiter in 7th House ✺ The partners in your life will serve as a great source of joy, and you’ll have luck in companionship. These relationships will make you feel safe, and it would be a good year to get married. If single, you might begin a relationship with a foreigner or could meet a future spouse while traveling! The dating scene won’t be difficult to navigate, you’ll have many options to choose from. Business negotiations and legal matters will run smoothly. Have fun with this time and don’t be afraid to chase after opportunities.
✺ Moon in 1st House ✺ Your personal needs are going to become a priority. You’ll feel sensitive and your self-esteem might take a hit. Whatever emotional experience you’re going through will be apparent to other people, and this will make you feel vulnerable. These uncomfortable experiences will help you work on your insecurities and you’ll grow to become more comfortable with yourself. The SR Moon sign will highlight specific emotional encounters you’ll face this year. If it’s an earth sign, you’ll be focused on practical needs. If it's a fire sign, you’ll deal with feelings of anger and might have a chaotic emotional landscape. An air sign might make you feel disconnected from your emotions, and you might spend the entire year crying with a water sign.
✺ Saturn Trine Ascendant ✺ You will mature greatly over the course of this year. Heavy responsibilities will be placed upon you, but you will rise to the occasion. Your commitments and goals take priority and become central to your personality.
✺ Mars in 8th House ✺ If you’ve encountered violent trauma within the past, you’ll begin to heal and transform these wounds. You might encounter people or situations that remind you of these past events, and it can be jarring. However, you’ll feel stronger than ever and will take back your personal power. You will put a lot of energy into transforming your own psyche and are ready to go to war. This type of healing is not a quiet, peaceful process. A lot of rage and anger will become unleashed, but these emotions must be embraced and fully felt. You’ll find emotional release through physical movement, such as sex or high intensity exercise.
✺ Jupiter Square Saturn ✺ If you’ve been battling addictions, they may come to an end during this year. This will be a difficult transition and a very painful process. Long held beliefs and ideas are being restructured for your benefit. You might not have enough money to buy all the luxuries that you desire, facing financial hardship is another possibility.
✺ Taurus 7th House ✺ Down-to-earth people will be attracted to you this year and they will offer you a sense of stability. You will experience many romantic moments with your partner, these situations will feel effortless. Your natural beauty will be heightened.
✺ Mercury in the 1st House ✺ The downside to this SR placement is a heightened sense of anxiety and restlessness. Your thoughts will be moving faster than ever. However, you might find yourself more comfortable with communicating your thoughts and social exchanges will run smoothly. You might find yourself posting a lot more on social media and interacting with people you normally wouldn’t. You’ll learn a lot throughout this year, but these lessons will be humorous and light-hearted.
✺ Saturn Square MC ✺ You will have to take on extra responsibilities and burdens. All of your focus will be directed towards career progress. You might be under a lot of pressure and obstacles will stand in the way of success. Your sense of dedication is being tested.
✺ Pluto in 3rd House ✺ Watch out for gossip during this year! You’ll learn about the true power of words. Confidential information may come forward, or you might have to deal with information that's been manipulated. Power struggles will showcase themselves through conversation and psychological games will be played. You could find yourself obsessively thinking over a particular issue and it might begin to rule over your life. Your relationships with your siblings will undergo a transformation. There might be a lot of construction within your surrounding neighborhood, it will be loud and disruptive and might force you to change your route to work/school.
✺ Venus Square Jupiter ✺ Having different values and beliefs can serve as a source of conflict within relationships. You might have a generous partner, but they don't quite understand what you want or need.
✺ Venus in the 12th House ✺ You may be faced with financial insecurity. If you're looking for a job, it will be a struggle to find one, especially one that will pay the wages you deserve. However, the emotional strain that occurs due to this will not be all-consuming. This uncertainty will force you to focus on the spiritual aspects of life, and you’ll feel somewhat detached. Protecting your sense of peace will be a priority. This year will be somewhat isolating and you won’t be attending too many social gatherings. You might find it difficult to show other people affection.
✺ Neptune in 4th House ✺ You may want to move residences, but confusion and delays will follow suit. A friend or family member in need might crash at your house for an unknown amount of time. An elderly family member might move in, and you’ll have to take care of them or figure out other living arrangements.
✺ Venus in 10th House ✺ You’ll find a lot of success within your career this year. You’ll be a favorite amongst authority figures and will build up a good social network within the professional world. You might start dating a colleague, or you could befriend one. You might fall in love with your job.
✺ Saturn in the 6th House ✺ Responsibilities are going to be hitting you hard this year, they’ll be unavoidable. You may feel incredibly limited within your day to day life and this will leave you feeling frustrated. Superiors at work might become a domineering presence within your life. All work, no play. Your rewards for these efforts will be delayed, and you might not receive proper compensation. Bad health habits will catch up with you, make sure to take care of yourself.
✺ Neptune in the 7th House ✺ You’ll feel very unsure about where a particular partnership is headed. The boundaries are unclear, and you’ll find yourself giving into wishful thinking. Oftentimes if something is too good to be true, it usually is. You might be willing to sacrifice certain aspects of your life so you can be with this person. Try to let go and let things play out naturally. Don’t get too emotionally invested if you’re dealing with a casual relationship. These connections feel spiritual and a certain amount of glamor will be present. Even if negative experiences occur, you can use these lessons to heal.
✺ Gemini 10th House ✺ If you're looking for a job, going into sales might be your best bet. You’ll find yourself socializing a lot at work, and might even have fun. Answering phone calls and responding to emails becomes important within your career. You could be the youngest person in your field, or you might gain a reputation for being immature. Internships or taking part in some sort of mentorship is a big possibility here.
✺ Pluto in the 5th House ✺ If you’ve been wanting to undergo a creative project, now would be the best time. You’ll feel an intense drive to master your craft and will feel dedicated and focused. There is also the possibility of encountering someone who you’re deeply attracted to. These love feelings will be all-consuming and you might feel obsessed. Your sex life will be fun, intense, and emotionally fulfilling. Take precaution, and watch out for pregnancy if that's something you’re trying to avoid. Romantic encounters could also serve as a major source of creative inspiration.
✺ Vesta in the 10th House ✺ You’ll have to nurture and tend to your career if you want to see success in this area. And this includes taking care of yourself. You’ll learn how to strike a balance between work and rest. Thinking about long term success will be a major theme for the year. Instead of chasing after risks and big moves, you’ll focus on small actions that have the ability to take you far. It's time to dedicate yourself fully to your professional life, but you don’t want to lose sight of who you are in the process.
✺ Scorpio Ascendant ✺ You’ll undergo an emotional + psychological transformation and this will become especially apparent in your personality and appearance. People who have known you your entire life might not recognize you by the end of the year. This can be disruptive, and you might find that certain relationships that were once deep, don’t serve you anymore.
✺ Aries 6th House ✺ Your day to day life will be filled with energy. You might have to pick up a busier schedule at work, but you’ll take it on with an aggressive attitude. Accepting defeat is not an option this year, your habits and routines will reflect this. This will be a healthy year for you, but if you get sick you might run the risk of running a high fever.
✺ Aquarius 6th House ✺ Your daily routines are going to look very different in comparison to last year. Your intellect will serve as a source of strength, and you might have to deal with new computer programs at work. Buying a new phone or computer is another possibility, some form of technology that is used within daily life. You could feel different or might even become outcasted at work due to a rebellious attitude.
✺ Libra 2nd House ✺ This will be a good year for money and income. Your sense of self-worth will increase. However, the risk of tying up your self worth within another person is another possibility. If you’re in a relationship, or begin one, this person will have many material gifts to give you.
#astrology#astro community#astrology placements#astro observations#astrology observations#astro notes#astrology tumblr#solar return chart#solar return observations#solar return#solar revolution#solar revolution chart#astro predictions#astro tumblr#astro placements#natal chart#natal astrology#birth chart#birth chart placements#birth chart observations#birth chart reading#birth chart analysis#astrology notes#astroblr#predictive astrology#astrology community#astrology predictions#libra 2nd house#libra second house#Aquarius
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Cost Of Solar Panels In Sydney
Solar panels are a great way to cut costs on your power bills. They also reduce your carbon footprint and help you do your part for the environment. Buying a solar power system is also a way to increase the value of your home.
Prices can vary depending on the size of the system you choose. In Sydney, a five-kilowatt solar system costs from $3,000 to $6,000, while a ten-kilowatt system costs around $10,000. The price you pay for a solar system will be based on a number of factors, including the size, quality and type of equipment, the location of your property, and any applicable rebates and incentives.
The largest manufacturer of solar panels is Trina Solar. It has over two decades of experience in the industry and is known for its research and development. They focus on innovation and low cost of ownership. Their products are designed to last for decades.
The price of installing a solar power system can be reduced by innovative financing options. You can even install a solar system without a council approval. If you are a business, you may be able to access a grant of $6000.
A good quality solar panel should have a payback time of around four to seven years. Some systems have a longer payback time because of the cost of installing a battery. Depending on the size and quality of your home, you could expect a 10KW solar panel to generate around 40 kWh of electricity a day.
There are a lot of different companies that offer solar power systems in Australia. Choosing a company is a very important decision. Not only should the solar company provide top-of-the-line components, but they should offer premium packages with longer warranties and higher energy output.
Other features to look for include online monitoring and back-to-base status alerts. For instance, a smart solar system will use data from your meter to display the most efficient way to power your household. This will help you to make better choices and save money on your power bill.
There are many rebates and incentives available to help you lower your bill. For example, the Clean Energy Council administers the Small-scale Technology Certificate program, which provides a rebate on the cost of solar panels Sydney. The rebate depends on the state in which you live, the type of solar panel you buy, and the number of installers who are certified to work with the technology.
Finally, you should look into rebates for solar batteries. These are a great way to lower your power bills, but the costs are higher up front. Luckily, the NSW government has introduced an interest free battery loan scheme. However, it is only available in select postcodes.
Ultimately, the best solar system for you will depend on the type of system you choose, your location, and the amount of sunlight that your area receives. The best months for solar production in Sydney are in October and December.
Solar Safari are Sydney based Clean Energy Council Approved Solar Retailer, focused on tailoring solutions to meet your residential or commercial requirements. Our team of dedicated and experienced professionals have in-depth knowledge about Sydney’s Solar conditions and will design a system to suit your specific needs.
#best solar panels solar quotes#how much is the government rebate on solar panels#install solar panels sydney#cost of solar panels sydney#bird proofing solar panels sydney#solar panels sydney reviews#solar panel maintenance sydney
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𝐔𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐃𝐚𝐲 𝐈 𝐃𝐢𝐞
───────────────────⊹⊱✫⊰⊹────────────────────
𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠: 18+, mni DNI!
𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: 365 days since the incident, in which Heeseung's life turned upside down, is today. Will he be able to save her this time?
𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: smut, hard angst, veryyy emotional, trauma bonding/coping, cop!Hee (injured reader, guns, shooting, kidnapping, violence, death) kissing, biting, marking, handjob, oral (f. receiving) , fingering, vanilla, very intimiate and loving unprotected s3x, missionary, spooning, lotus.
!!!TW: ED, suicidal thoughts, mentioned attempts, s3lf harm (both characters)
𝐖𝐂: 21k+ (ehm..., yea)
𝐀/𝐍: Finally. It is here. this one is for ♡ anon. ily. I want to say I loved writing this whole fic even though it was emotionally difficult. I wrote about heavy topics, so please be aware before reading as this might not be everyone's cup of tea! Both characters are in pretty messed up mental states, but their love to each other is what keeps them going. I hope you guys enjoy this fic as I never put this much effort into any fic before.
Please leave any sort of feedback: reblogging and commenting is the best for me, so let me know!! ───────────────────⊹⊱✫⊰⊹────────────────────
As Heeseung approached the town, he immediately recognized the steep, rocky road that led to the street of his most ominous memories. Despite the passing of a year, everything remained the same. The familiar layout felt like coming home after years of being abroad. In a way, he had been.
He found it amusing how visiting his past brought such mixed feelings. Given how messed up things were before his departure, he was afraid to face all the negative emotions. Merely thinking about the events crawled an uncanny sensation.
Yet, here he was, letting the comforting sentimentality alight on his heart and beam at the faint breeze entering through his window as he soaked up the evocative atmosphere. It had a hint of gloom as the rain amplified with his reappearance, making the ominous night colder than usual. Goosebumps took over his body, observing the surroundings while the car shifted its gear to neutral.
The park was abandoned at this time, reminiscing on the children's laughter in the evenings, playing for hours without a care. He liked to come there after work, sit for a few minutes, and listen to them. They still had the monkey bars and pirate-themed wooden ship in the middle of the playground, which he helped paint.
He examined the residences next to his old one, all appearing the same. Looking at the colorful houses with picturesque gardens pierced an arduous nostalgia. A few had undergone reconstructions as the previous owners seemed to have parted.
Some even had new furniture or repainting, their garages containing bigger and more luxurious vehicles. New additions like swings or slides for children were also notable. A small number of areas were also seemingly building new homes for the future, expanding the population in the tainted town.
With a glance beside, he examined the house he spent his student years in.
"Would you look at that," he scoffed, studying the untouched exterior, still covered in that sensational buttermilk paint.
Even the pecan concrete tiles on the roof were there, with additional solar panels. The current owners also installed a masonry chimney to the side - something he had always wished for but couldn't afford.
They were definitely more knowledgeable in Botanics than he was. The garden looked completely different. The condition Heeseung left it in was atrocious, with dead flowers and dried weeds scattering the place. Zora Neale Hurston once quoted: "Trees and plants always look like the people they live with." He didn't know if this disclosure was comical or tragic, heavily soughing instead.
Currently, the place had more of a Japanese style: a little lake in the middle underneath beautiful white lotuses. Oak and cherry trees surrounded the layout, whereas perfectly cut bonsai trees greeted passers-by in the front. The family likely had their roots there because it was uncommon to opt for this type in this area. Yet again, he was inexperienced in this topic, so who was he to say anything?
He sighed, lowering his head to take a deep breath to process all the garnering memories reaching the surface from the seabed. It was bound to happen, and he still didn't manage to prepare for it.
Back then, there was too much weight on his shoulders. From college to his family, there was only so much a teenager could handle. 90% of his memories were the ones he sincerely wished to omit evermore. He didn't want to rub salt into his wounds by reliving them, aiming to concentrate on the better side.
After all, it was this place he achieved and lost everything at once. The city that welcomed the lost pup with open arms after the death of his parents, soothing with empty promises and fraudulent head pats.
Back then, he was too naive to differentiate malicious intentions, foolishly jumping onto every proposition. He thought people wanted to help and not take advantage of his incapacity, that they would aid the broken one with the loving words he needed.
Fundamentally, he was an emotional wreck, emptiness and numbness following him all day.
There wasn't anyone left in his life, just miscellaneous pictures gathered in a photo album and recollections of happy moments in carton boxes. Going through their belongings hurt more than anything, smudging their smiles with tears and repeated callouts to which no one could respond anymore.
In other words, it was the worst period of his life.
His nights were established on puffy eyes, a terrible headache, and a stuffy nose, suffering in silence for months. The money he was supposed to spend on food went to tissues, trashing the whole place. Getting up in the mornings was incredibly demanding, failing often at convincing himself. Staying in and laying in his PJs permanently tolled more promising.
No one seemed to care about his late arrival to classes anyway. The teachers were the exclusive individuals, questioning his defect of attendance and interest. They often came to various false conclusions. They didn't consider asking for the real reason behind his struggles at handing in assignments and essays on time without lying to dodge admonitions.
In the same way, no one doubted the sunglasses he wore every day. They assumed it was part of a fashion trend when, in reality, it was an excuse to hide the redness and semicircle exhaustion.
The clothes that fit him weeks ago began loosening, appearing enormous on his underweight body. When his friends pointed out his lack of appetite during lunch, he put it behind him and led the conversation in another direction. That way, he felt he had control over reality.
In reality, he knew it was avoidance. He wasn't ready to concede he was struggling. Something wasn't alright, and he deteriorated with each passing day.
Reminiscing on the past, optimistic Heeseung wearing a warming smile mirrored the numb motionlessness, not containing enough confidence to face the drastic and tragic change.
The only courageous people were the Choi family.
He turned his head to the left, catching a glimpse of the elderly couple sitting at the table inside their closed terrace. They were laughing and enjoying dinner, accompanied by two other people, handing out the freshly grilled food on their plates. A little boy was attending the meal as well, gesturing widely. He leaned forward to examine the guests, scanning their faces. For some reason, they were so familiar...
"No way," a gasp forsake, realizing that turn of events.
The handsome, tall young man with an athletic build was no other than Choi Hyun-woo, the son of the married pair. Heeseung facepalmed himself for taking so long to figure out his identity, doubting his dexterities.
His parents had introduced the two after a few weeks of Heeseung visiting. Around that time, he was in a custody battle with his dangerous wife. That adjective was an understatement when considering her malicious threats. They were predominantly about hurting their son if he didn't leave her alone or running away with him.
That wasn't the only crazy part. The more unsettling information he learned, the more he feared for the safety of the small boy. Besides being mentally unstable, she also struggled with psychosis. The doctors warned her countless times, but she didn't reflect on any of their words when entering a new relationship. If anyone was the victim in this situation, it was Hyun-woo.
Seeing them reunited was all he could have ever wished for them, smiling at the cheerful sight.
"Thank you for being here for us, Heeseung. We just want you to know we're also here for you," he could hear the oldster sighing while patting his back, sensing the weariness from the mere flicker.
"We're all humans in the end. Even the strongest ones cannot lift the weight the world pushes on us." The stogie burned further whenever he would take a whiff, passing it on for a moment of peace.
"Life hasn't been easy on you, has it?" the bearded man turned to face the youngster, quietly sitting and observing the night sky.
"No, sir, it hasn't," he took the long roll of tobacco to try it out, analyzing its shape and thickness.
"Pretending to be happy when you're in pain is an example of how strong you are as a person, Lee."
"Never doubt your strength, you hear me?" he repeatedly swung his index finger to reprimand him.
"Yessir," Heeseung nodded before inhaling the cigar, not foreseeing its power. On the other hand, the veteran couldn't help but enjoy the outcome, laughing as he expectorated.
"How can you smoke this?" he punched his chest numerous times to get the bubble of smoke out of his system.
"Times were different back in my days. We had nothing else."
"Still..."
"Do one thing for me," the senior flipped the page, taking another load and slowly exhaling a white cloud into the cold fall night. Heeseung faced him after successfully getting rid of the awful irritation in his throat. He sat there, waiting for another round of sagacious words from the wise man.
"Don't give up. Whatever it takes, don't give up, son. Even when you feel like there's no purpose, don't because nothing lasts forever. It will get better."
It was those words that made Heeseung push through the days. It was almost unbelievable how much of an impact it had on him. Never in a million years would he have thought a motivational speech could get him back on his feet. Then again, he never gave anyone a chance to see behind his facade.
Although they were the ones who required assistance, Heeseung ended up receiving all of the help.
"Have you eaten? No? That's unacceptable! Come over as soon as you're done with school!"
Mrs. Choi's disappointment still rang through his ears, envisioning her in her French kitchen with a spatula in her hand. It was a vista he missed, alongside the delectable smell of her exceptional cooking.
She constantly checked on him, calling once his school was over and asking if he needed anything. Cooking him meals became a habit whenever he stopped by to help in the garden, practically shoving packets of food into his chest. She knew it wasn't much, but for Heeseung, it meant the world. Knowing that someone actually appreciated his company and cared about his well-being without solely thinking about theirs was unknown.
So unknown that in the beginning, he assumed the lunch boxes in his backpack ended up by accident and that Mrs. Choi had mixed it up.
That's how messed up people have been to him that his mind found it unbelievable. Every bit of aid had to have a twisted meaning behind it because why would anyone care about him? No one was there when he was bereaved. No one came to say their condolences or ask if he was alright. It was just him in the columbarium as he placed the ceramic pot with the last remains of his loved ones into the repository. The sole visitor on his free days, leaving the deceased ones' favorite snacks underneath their memorial. He was the boy the guard always had to wake up and send home.
"It's just thee, thy, and thou, huh?"
"Yes, Mr. Choi."
It is how he achieved his dream and became a successful officer and the person he is now.
All the hardships and woes he underwent in his early adulthood built up the future he worked for without resting. The mornings and nights would meld into one, struggling to distinguish AM from PM. Around that time, his coffee intake started slipping out, and he tried out every possibility to stay awake and finish everything.
So much he had to do in such little time. Heeseung didn't understand how he finished it, but his body did. It was giving up, slowly but gradually, because he wouldn't stop pushing the limits. He thought he could do more each time, twisting the meaning of "just a bit more."
One day, the strings finally tore off, and his body had enough.
Without looking back, it gave in. It handed in the shattered pieces of his soul to the unknown, streaming down like a feather. Nothing had left within, no recollections to reflect on his actions. All his hopes had dashed, molding his fears into a vase of entrapment. The more he tried to climb out of the well, the deeper he fell back, the walls elevating. He screamed into the darkness, the exclamations reflecting due to the scarcity of allowance.
The next thing you know, he woke up in an unfamiliar and cold environment, with doctors coming in and out. They kept asking various questions and filling out some forms before leaving. The
He expected the nurses checking up on him now and then to answer the question marks in his head, watching them flush the tube in his nostrils.
It was when he opened his mouth to ask about it that one of the nurses responded, explaining its essential purpose.
She called it "Nasogastric tube feeding". A line delivering nutrients directly into his stomach through his nose. Heeseung kept listening while the woman cleaned the skin around his nose with a warm washcloth, describing his situation.
Apparently, he had been in the ICU for a few days, and the doctors ran various tests to unravel his deficiencies. The stats showed the deceleration of cardiac activity, leading to low heart rate and blood pressure. They also mentioned low body temperature, which Heeseung had been battling for centuries. It exemplified why he felt faint and weak all the time. Maybe it even answered his apathy toward life.
The results of his BMI indicated severe underweight, whereas the blood test showcased micronutrient imbalances. Heeseung couldn't fathom all of the details his doctor kept streaming, closing his eyes in a vain attempt to ignore the consequences of his stubbornness and lack of eating.
Not only did he have to wear a plastic tube, but he also had to talk with dietologists and healthcare professionals to make changes in his life.
Heeseung loathed it and didn't listen to anything they had to offer because, in his mind, he had already decided what was best for him. Suggestions like attending occupational therapy gave him a laugh, not comprehending the reason for such an absurd and useless alternative. There was still a belief that everything was alright, and the situation was being blown out of proportion.
Even after all that information, he refused to accept reality. If he did, he would have to reconcile with his aggravating condition and shape. He would have to acknowledge how bad the situation was. That if he didn't take action now, it could end terribly.
And Heeseung wasn't prepared to admit it aloud. Admit he had been suffering for so long that he lost track of days because they began blending into one endless loop where he couldn't live in peace. Confess the terrible feelings of hopelessness, loneliness, and emptiness. The feeling that he woke up to bypass that motivating bright sun hiding behind those dark, self-destructive clouds. The ones which slowly perished his soul.
Disclose the deep yearning for love, tenderness, and affection lingering in his sore throat. Reveal the hope to knit his tattered heart, wrapping around his neck so delicately that he didn't want it to stop. Divulge the need to end everything trussing in the back of his head, increasing whenever an obstacle occurred, doubting everything about himself. Concede the crossing between life and death, questioning the meaning of existence.
Relent that the word suicide kept repeating in his mind like an old cassette player, seeing the curse inscribed over everything. Allow the guilt to take over and condemn him for leaning towards the balcony whenever it whispered the word "jump". It conveyed it so alluringly that it made him go crazy, holding onto the railings in pure despair.
Describe how sharp blades appeared veracious. Explain why he deleted the Google search history to hide the questions on overdoes.
He wasn't ready, but he had to be. Otherwise, he would ultimately lose himself in the hollowness and disperse forever.
So, he decided to bite the bullet and push through by turning the page.
Thanks to his determination, he could now sit in a police car and help those in need. Do a job where he could be the person he needed others to be at his lowest.
There had been one. However, Heeseung was forbidden from ever thinking about that person.
Why? Because he made the biggest mistake of his life, which he atoned for till today.
A beautiful mistake that he deeply missed every hour, every minute, every second.
"Dispatch to Patrol One," the sudden statistic transmitted through the two-way radio, pulling back the officer from daydreaming.
"10-04," he quickly responded, grabbing the transmitter and acknowledging the callsign.
"Are you alright, sir?" the worry conveyed, belonging to none other than Seo-Jun.
"Yes," He sighed, resting his head on the steering wheel.
"Sir, pardon me, but you don't sound like it," the young officer evoked, tentative about probing her senior.
She could hear him repeat the proverb: "Curiosity killed the cat." It wasn't her best trait, and she knew it. It was always these times she couldn't help but push it forward and let concern get the better of her.
After all, it was Lee Heeseung, the guy who managed to turn her life over.
If he hadn't helped her escape from her toxic ex-boyfriend last summer, she wouldn't be sitting in the obsolete office now. She was lucky to dial 112 in time and come out alive. If he had been a few minutes late, she could have suffered to death from the undying abuse. The memory was deeply engraved in the depth of her heart, recalling him standing by her side during the hospital procedures. He never wanted to admit it, but he was the town's hero for saving the mayor's daughter.
Therefore, her gratitude towards him was prodigious. And for the same reason, she wanted to be there for him during tough times. No matter how hard she tried, her approach would emerge unsuited and unfit each time. People told her to get ahold of her steps countless times, and she still made the same slips every time. Nevertheless, she didn't give up and reached out to dial the official.
"Seo-Jun, I-"
"My apologies, sir. I've crossed my line," she hastily tried to cover up her actions, slapping her forehead for being nosy and pushy.
"I'm not okay," the voice on the other side emitted into the discomfiting silence, a heavy sigh following the statement. Seo-Jun opened her eyes to perceive the sentence, staring at the floor beneath her as the declaration reiterated in her brain. She widened her pupils when she finally realized what he had uttered, almost falling off her chair after swiftly turning and grabbing back the radio.
"Sir, is this about the note you've received?"
"What note?" he frowned, backing up.
"Well, you've got a message on your account, and you know it goes through me first, so I might have accidentally read what was on it-"
"What note are you talking about?" The stern change in speech startled her, contemplating if it was due to her admitting her horrible demeanor or the want of information.
"The one that states: Broadway 123, 11:30 PM," she reread the email, stuffing her mouth with another strawberry-flavored lollipop. At this point, it was a miracle her teeth hadn't fallen out yet.
"Any signatures?"
"Just two initials: K.J."
Heeseung's stomach dropped at the revelation, which only confirmed his prior thoughts. It was the 13th of March, after all. What was he thinking?
He looked at the time on the display, typing in the coordinates to the navigation. It showed an estimated arrival in 15 minutes. His jaw clenched, attempting to pulverize the inexhaustible alarm ringing in his skull.
"Fuck, why didn't you tell me earlier?" his panic disseminated into anger, hastily starting up the car. He grabbed the gearstick, his leg pressing the accelerator.
"I'm sorry, sir. I thought you knew about it."
"You know goddamn well I never check my email," he shifted to 3rd gear already, turning on the emergency lights on the car. They switched from one color to the other, the sound of sirens following right after every blick.
"I'm really sorry, sir, but what does it even tell? It sounds dangerous."
"Cause it is," Heeseung cut her off, "and that's why you should have told me earlier."
Seo-jun's voice went quiet, the time on the call prolonging without either side speaking.
She had nothing to say, as she realized the severity of her actions.
Frankly, she had difficulty understanding the whole situation and why it aggravated Heeseung this much. She stared at the email, trying to find a hidden clue or something that would cure her curiosity.
Despite her attempts, she ended with disappointment, leaning back on the chair with a loud sigh.
She turned her head to the side while Heeseung turned his back on the road, which was moderately clean, with no traffic jams preventing him from reaching his destination. Most cars quickly reacted to the situation and pulled to the side of the road.
He looked in the rear mirror, seeing a silhouette sitting in the backseat with blood all over her face, a faded smile visible.
"Help her, I beg you," The voice echoed in his ears as he made a left, entering the mentioned street.
He fought the unwanted shakiness in his body, the sentence replaying like a broken cassette, causing him to break down the walls he had built in the past months.
He had to be more collected. His duty was to stay calm under pressure and not to invoke panic, but here he was, gripping the wheel too much. His nails began to hurt from the prolonged force, eyes ungluing from the road for a split second. He looked at his image in the mirror, sensing a faint taste of blood. There, he could see the deep cut on his lip, his teeth responsible for choosing the wrong coping mechanism.
He could also see the same hopeless look as the one on that day, anger building up from within to curse him for being a wreck in such a crucial situation again. The consequences of it taunted him, internally punching him for his incompetence. An officer who couldn't control his emotions was the same one trying to rescue someone. He couldn't even stop himself from deteriorating, and here he was, seeking to thwart others.
It was all foolish, just like he was at this moment.
What a fool he was for wanting a chance to right the wrongs.
Without a second thought, Heeseung immediately parked near the reported location, practically jumping out of the car. He checked if his gun was locked and loaded again before heading out.
He looked around, eyes looking for potential gang associates in the surroundings. He expected at least some bodyguards or watchdogs near the building, but no one was around. Grabbing his flashlight, he took an overhand grip, shortening the distance to the building with each cautious but fast step.
The residence was outdated, definitely abandoned by the looks of its upkeep. What seemed like a factory was now an empty, deserted residence. No one had visited this place for a long time.
He approached the door, reaching the porch to see if anything was happening inside.
The front door was locked from the other side, the darkness concealing the image inside. Heeseung had to go through the back to enter, listening for any noise on his way. It was too quiet for his liking, not a single peep emanating from the residence. He climbed over the wire fence, sucking up the pain the metal left after puncturing his skin.
Nothing was more important than reaching inside.
He did suspect the message, wondering if it was another prank pulled by the bored teenagers. Sadly, it happened quite too often, with them lining up the emergency number and creating false stories to bring out the hirelings for their entertainment.
Still, none of them knew about his past, so the chances were nearly impossible. Not even his colleagues knew why he decided to take a day off today. They had zero keen on why this day was so important for him. They had no idea it was this day that turned his life around.
He took a position behind the wall as he glanced for the back door, peeking out carefully. To his surprise, it was wide open, bestowing him an entrance.
He approached it slowly, looking out for a possible intruder since the unusual stillness wasn't preventing the tension in his muscles from stiffening. When he met no obstacles, he determined it was clear to proceed, stepping inside.
The uneven concrete underneath welcomed him back, permitting a path towards the middle. Just like last time, he thought to himself, before approaching the cursed center.
Here.
It all happened here.
It was where he found Seo-Jun. Right here.
He could see the silhouette in the wooden chair, bound by duct tape. He could still feel the hopelessness and helplessness.
A supposed rescue mission turned into a shootout, in which he had zero back-ups to overcome the opponents. 6v1, and Heeseung barely came out alive, with one bullet shot in his right arm. The female he was supposed to save bled out on the spot because of fatal injuries, and there was nothing he could do to help her. He tried so hard to stop the bleeding and apply as much pressure as he could in his injured condition. All just to witness her slowly part away in his arms with a painful "thank you".
Heeseung blamed himself for her death till today. After all, he was the one to blame for it. That's what her parents kept repeating.
"Murderer! It was your job to protect her!"
"She's dead because of you!"
"It should have been you who died, not her!"
They were right.
He agreed with everything they said. It was the truth. He had failed, and there was nothing he could do to bring her back.
Nightmares of the terror night practically became the fairytale of his sleep. He would wake up drenched in sweat, pushing himself to successfully save her in his dreams. He was so close but so far away at the same time.
It was all humorous. How returning to this unfortunate place stirred the wrong memories. How it managed to discern the familiar gut-wrenching feeling in his system. The one he had to take medication for every day to keep his head clear. To stop seeing the silhouettes of her everywhere.
"Seo-Jun, don't do this to me," his head dropped to his feet, refusing to reexperience his trauma.
"You're not here anymore," he bit down on his lip, gulping down the ascending guilt.
"But it's not me, Heeseung."
His eyes rose, staring at the silhouette. They struggled to decipher the person in front of them, barely having the energy to stay open.
He stepped closer, his heavy steps echoing through the enormous vacant room. He was expecting it to disappear as it was a part of his imagination. However, it stayed there, clear as a day.
It was her.
Not her her, but her.
The voice that haunted him every night in his nightmares. The one that begged him to save her sister from those psychopaths, putting the last bits of hope into him. The screams replayed in his nightmares when he had come out with her sister in his arms, barely holding the victim as he was close to passing out himself. They soon turned into weeps, coughing up the pain in her system, unable to stop her body from shaking at the sight of her sibling in agonizing pain.
He remembered the way she looked up at him while the paramedics carried her inside the ambulance, face covered in shock and desperation.
It was as if both knew the outcome awaiting them in the hospital, not prepared to admit the painful reality. They wanted to pretend like they didn't know, even if it was only for a minute.
He recalled her running after the car, legs giving out in the middle, getting up over and over again without thinking twice about the damage on her knees.
The same pain he felt back then kicked in right now, pounding into his stomach because despite disappointing her, she was the one who checked up on him in the ER. She was the only person who turned up. The only one worried about his condition, holding in the tears.
"I know my sister was glad someone tried. That someone cared and wanted to save her."
"I'm happy to know that the last face she saw was yours and not those bastards'."
"Mr. Lee, thank you. Thank you for everything."
Despite everything, she said those words to him, managing to smile at him before leaving. He felt her release the painful ache through the door, mourning for the lost one as the hospital tiles created a path stained with sorrow.
"It's your chance, Heeseung."
"To do what you couldn't with me."
He looked around to glimpse a ghost of Seo-Jun, to believe it was all real and not a part of his disturbed imagination.
But she was nowhere to be found.
It was Y/N instead, encircled by the cause of her sister's death.
The same person he stopped visiting every day after the incident, too thoughtless to leave her all alone in that big city while the perpetrators roamed around freely.
He thought it would have been for the better to give her space to grieve properly, without him appearing at the door to remind her of the incident.
She never complained, though, but rather showed her gratitude for the concern, not managing to function alone with her parents passing on their sadness to her.
It was a difficult time for her to be in, especially alone. That's why Heeseung's presence brought her the peace and comfort she needed. He helped her move out her sister's furniture, going as far as to seclude a deal to sell the apartment so the family could have a proper funeral, which he ended up attending himself.
Her parents weren't exactly hiding their anger at his presence at such a personal event, holding him accountable for the happening of the ceremony.
However, she was the one who had invited him. She chewed their disapproval and asked him to stay beside her. She needed someone to hold on during the event, both mentally and physically, thankful for his hand lingering on hers as she watched her other half disappear into the ground.
He stayed with her for a long time after that, coming every morning to help her get out of bed and get ready for the day, becoming her caregiver for the following weeks.
She was suffering inside, and he could tell by her blankly staring into the walls, movements so slow it looked like it hurt. It was difficult to convince her to eat, noticing the loss in appetite she kept ignoring, blaming it on her stomach troubles.
Nonetheless, she never protested when he wanted to feed her, always cooking or ordering something from outside. She felt like a baby in those moments, with him practically begging her to open her mouth, putting a smile on her face instead.
They talked a lot over those weeks, with Heeseung opening up about his past and traumatic childhood, sharing the fragments of his parent's death and how it has affected him. He talked about the car accident, the one he was also in. He was the sole survivor, the sole person to exit the hospital and not be transferred into the morgue.
He had never told anyone before, and conveying the lingering heartache was such a relief that he couldn't stop talking, gathering up every detail he had in his memories.
In a way, it connected the two more, having gone through the tragedy of losing a loved one. Y/N couldn't help but notice the feeling of safety in his company. The more he transmitted, the closer she felt, like she could trust him with her whole life.
While she was fully aware of the effects he was having on her, Heeseung was too busy focusing on her condition to catch the sparkles of joy.
Whenever she opened the door to him, he couldn't help but beam. His heart would fill up with contentment, dopamine levels increasing at the brief touches they shared, hiding the butterflies amassing inside. It was wrong for him to catch feelings after everything he caused her, and the guilt expanded in his chest at the realization.
Unfortunately, he wasn't the only one who had caught up on the situation. Soon enough, her parents personally contacted him and asked to meet without their daughter's knowledge. They were the real reason for his departure, the why for abandoning her when she needed him the most.
He never had the opportunity to tell her the truth, to tell her he didn't go on his will but was forced into that decision. He wished he could have told her he was threatened with being sued and losing his career forever due to their belief about his negligence on the mission. Either that or he had to leave her alone and go as far away as possible if he didn't want his life to be over.
That is what he meant when he said he was a coward: a coward who couldn't even tell the truth. It followed him wherever he went, the mere image of her constantly transmitting in his thoughts.
And now, the image was trapped in another nightmare with little time, falling into his hands yet again.
This wasn't how he wanted to meet up, but fate had its way of managing things. The only thing Heeseung knew was that he couldn't let her down again.
She had to come out of here alive.
No matter what it would take.
"You came," a raspy voice loomed from the darkness, causing Heeseung to hastily stand up and point his gun at its origin.
His stomach dropped when he locked gazes with the criminal.
"Kang Joon-Woo."
"It is I indeed," he fixed his tie covered in a fleur de lis pattern, showing off his wealth in the black tuxedo. His auburn slick hair drew attention to his green eyes, which turned stone cold once his gaze landed on the officer in front. They were empty, vacant, without any emotion. It was like staring into a deep well at night, manifesting fright and unpleasantness.
"It's a pleasure to meet you again, Mr. Lee." his silver crown shone as the moonlight sheathed his face, lowering his head before looking back at him again. He exuded the same stare that day, slicing through deeply and threatening with its lethal power.
Kang Joon-Woo, one of the lead rings of the cooperation of Kang Holding, was the chairman and the mastermind of the whole operation a year ago. Kang Jun-Seo was his right hand, more like a lap dog.
They were both known criminals in the district he used to work in, successful businessmen who led one of the most influential companies in the city. They ran many hotels scattered over the country, using them as a front to conceal their actual intents by managing and commencing new deals.
Beneath the surface, they hid several classified secrets, ordering various exchanges between dangerous parties. Some reports revealed drug usage and distribution, contacts with the black market, and even active participation on the deep web.
However, their main focus was on sex trafficking, exploiting young women for their income. It has been going on for many years, with the two predators selling out females to different countries, motivated by the big numbers on the cheque. They were both aware of how these girls would end up, forced to become objects for whoever had bought them. That was the twisted part in itself. The fact that the two went off to doing this.
He found out himself when he got ordered to take over one of these cases since the department had a lead and had a high chance of uncovering the trafficker's location, hopeful about the retrieval. So was Heeseung, especially after the Chief of Police had picked him out personally for the case along with two other ambitious corporals as the sergeant was sick that week, unable to operate. It was his biggest chance to prove himself and stand out amongst his coworkers.
"Months of searching, and now I have you both at my feet," the snarky laugh punctured through.
"What have you done to her?" Heeseung looked back at Y/N from the corner of his eye, unable to bypass her drugged state. He knew he had to act before it was too late, struggling to piece a plan together at the revelation.
"I just gave her some candy. You know the ones that bring you to another dimension?" he pulled out a pack of Arrirangs from his pockets, finding the whole situation hilarious. It was uproarious to watch the terror in Heeseung's eyes, darting from the girl back to him.
"You fucker," Heeseung quickly hovered over her, checking her pulse and breathing.
"Calm down," he scoffed in amusement, taking a whiff of the toxic elements his body lacked. "I need her to be alive as well."
"What do you want?"
"Come on, Heeseung. You're smart enough to know," a sigh parted in the heavy ambiance, playing with the cigar between his fingers.
"You know goddamn well someone has to pay for the losses you caused on that day."
"Leave her out of it. She has done nothing."
"Who called you on us?"
"She did the right thing. They just chose the wrong officer."
"Fucking pathetic indeed. You couldn't even save her in the end, could you?" the man burst into laughter, brushing back his hair. He was loving every second of this.
"Since you failed to save her. Now, we need someone to replace her place."
"Jun-Seo was thinking about this beauty right here, but I told him it was too dangerous. Didn't I, brother?"
Heeseung froze at the callout, feeling the mentioned one's presence behind him. He also felt the weapon pointed at his head, threatening to be blasted at a slight movement. Every possible curse flashed in his mind, all pointing towards him.
He was screwed.
"Drop it," the baritone ordered.
Before he could even look at the famous criminal, the man punched him in his back, amplifying his directive. Heeseung had no other option but to comply, slowly placing his gun on the floor. The guy immediately kicked away the weapon, far away from their reach. He stood there with his hands aloft, looking back at the man ahead.
"And what did I also say?" his tongue clicked, putting on a pair of black leather gloves.
"To have her, we must get rid of the cop."
"That's right." He snickered, approaching the injured girl.
"Poor girl, she has no idea what's happening," his fingers wrapped around her neck, snickering at the beauty. He turned her face to the side, his filthy eyes scanning her features.
"Don't touch her!" Heeseung shouted, attempting to step closer.
"You better calm down."
"Or do you want my brother to pull the trigger already?" her hair twirled around his finger, "I want her to see it first." He quickly pulled onto it, causing her head to fall with the snatch.
"No, she has nothing to do with this. I killed your men, not her. Let her go, now!"
"I'm afraid I cannot do that, Heeseung. My client wants a replacement for his previous loss."
"And we decided to give him the other sister," the twin snickered, licking his lips.
"You're fucking sick." Heeseung looked at the man above Y/N, passing on a distrustful smile.
"I think we have waited far too long for this one," The snarky laugh punctured through, running his hands on her exposed thighs.
"I said don't fucking touch her!"
The delinquent just laughed and took a knife, putting it under her neck. He played with her hair, leaning closer to her ear, whispering something, and smirking right after. Whatever it was, Heeseung was sure it was appalling and lewd.
"So," the edge of the weapon traveled down her T-shirt, "I'm going to have my fun." He sneered as its sharpness cut the clothing in two, exposing her body to the filthy losers.
"And you're going to watch."
"You fucking piece of shit!" he jumped the guy, not thinking twice about it. They both rolled down the floor, one trying to keep the weapon, whereas the other risked to grab it.
"I'll kill you. Right here, right now," Heeseung hissed, head-bumping him as soon as he had the opportunity.
"You fucker," Joon-woo immediately covered his nose, staining his hand with his very own blood. He was sure it was broken, but it wasn't enough to stop him from returning the favor.
Heeseung looked back at the other brother, who attempted to shoot the man in black, raising his arm to carry out the movement.
However, Heeseung was quicker, avoiding the fatal hit by rolling over in time. He still had Joon-woo on his back, getting on his hands to perform a leg sweep. With that, he fell on his back, pushing all the air out of his lungs with a curse.
"You are dead meat, Mr. Lee," the man coughed out, barely having the energy to properly look him in the eye.
Heeseung knew he was minutes away from another blast from Jun-Seo's gun. Without wasting time, he quickly stood up and ran into the other perpetrator with full force. He successfully knocked both of them over, the firearm vanishing in the far distance. The stunt in the movement allowed him to yank and throw the firearm into the far distance.
"Get him!" the other twin ordered, quickly taking out his Glock 19 to point it at Heeseung. Jun-Seo got on his feet again, shooting a death glare. Despite not having anything to defend himself with, he relied on his strength, rushing to him. His arm extended toward Heeseung's direction, and a sudden hand appeared in front of his face.
"I should have killed both of you when I had the chance," Heeseung panted, evading each punch like a pro. It was too easy to fight with such an incompetent loser like him, managing to switch positions in the meantime.
"We should have gotten rid of you two sooner," Joon-woo yelled, shooting into the brawl. He only didn't predict Heeseung doing the unthinkable by pushing the brother in front of him. The bullet entered the wrong body, disappearing in Jun-Seo's chest with a loud gasp.
"No!" The shooter yelled at the turn of events, watching his twin fall to the ground right next to his feet. He panted in pain and brought his hands to the wound his sibling unintentionally caused, his eyelids losing their tension as his pupils dilated.
"You piece of shit!" The scourge unleashed from between his lips, a pair of heartless eyes darting back. He looked back to see the cop with his gun right back where it belonged, pointed at him, the main suspect.
"You did all of this just for this stupid bitch!" He raised his arm, turning in the direction of the abducted innocence.
"Step away from her," Heeseung yelled, blood rushing through his veins.
It was a relief to have taken down one of the obstacles in his way without getting his hands dirty. Nevertheless, there was still the main problem standing in front of him, aiming to assassinate his victim.
He knew the sicko could pull off a dangerous stunt since his actions were unpredictable, scanning the expressions on his face. He was expecting furrowed brows, hands clenched into fists, or a death glare at least.
All he got was a loud sigh, followed by a prolongated laughter. The kind of laughter you would hear The Joker do in a quarrel with Batman whenever the two would argue. It was almost as if he was amused or pleased with the outcome, even though his brother was lying inches away in a puddle of blood, practically minutes away from dying.
"You really are a jokester, Mr. Lee," he lowered his gun, ignoring the confusion on the cop's face.
He just passed on a stare and a scowl, fidgeting with the weapon in his hand like it was a toy with no bullets in it. His behavior was so bizarre that Heeseung couldn't help but stare at him in confusion.
The thing was, the stare he carried didn't belong to someone who had just given up. It wasn't of someone who just surrendered and accepted his fucked-up fate.
It was the complete opposite of what it was supposed to be -malicious, daring to some degree as if he was taunting him with his capability. He challenged him with a gradually growing smirk.
At that moment, Heeseung realized it wasn't a renunciation but a part of the plan. The plan that had been constructed from the beginning. Composed to every little point to lure out the enemy. She was his weakness, and they damn well knew about it. They were cruel enough to use it against him.
With another look, he noticed the turnabout in Joon-Woo's glare, the shade of wrath igniting.
"For thinking I would let her off so easily," the loud bang emitted through the silence, a sharp "pop" following right after. The noise yielded Heeseung to register the situation, his eyes widening as they quickly scanned for the landing. His gaze landed on the girl in the chair, uncovering a bullet point of entrance on her chest.
Heeseung's heart dropped as he looked over to the side.
His eyes widened in horror, staring blankly at the injured girl.
His body went numb, but he still tried to remain as stoic as possible.
All he could do was stare, frozen in fear, as the girl's white shirt slowly turned red.
Heeseung knew he couldn't repeat the same mistake, not hesitating to respond as he pointed his gun directly at the shooter. It was what had to be done. Jun-Seo was going to die today, next to his brother.
His heart skipped a beat as the adrenaline rush towards his veins intensified. He pressed the trigger, watching the evil twin staring back at him in shock, falling back.
The loud thud confirmed the man was no longer alive, the bullet in his head adding to reason.
Heeseung slowly approached the corpse, looking at him one last time to ensure himself.
At that moment, he indeed felt the unbearable weight on his shoulders falling off, all of it evaporating in the air.
Heeseung finally exhales, dropping his gun to the floor. His heart rate slows down, but the poundage in his body becomes heavier, almost as if the world was collapsing in on him.
"Where-" he quickly turned around at the origin of the sound, his eyes meeting the girl's.
Heeseung instantly rushed to her side, trying to assess the damage.
Her blood flowed onto his hand as he pressed it on the entrance wound, attempting to stop the bleeding.
"I'm going to save you, just hang on..." he whispered, applying pressure after dialing his collegaue.
As she struggled to remain conscious, her eyes locked into his.
She was unable to express her gratitude with words, so she gave his hand a light squeeze, letting him know that she understood his intentions.
She trusted the man for some reason, even though she couldn't see his face. Everything was pitch dark.
She hoped for the misery to end soon, letting her eyelids rest.
She only waited for the moment to end, for the afterlife to welcome her.
Heeseung was overwhelmed with worry and fear. He knew how close she was to dying, watching her breath grow shallower and more shallow after each passing moment.
He saw her eyes flickering in and out of consciousness, but all he could do was gently stroke her hair away from her face, hoping and wishing for a miracule.
His hand rested on her chest, feeling her heartbeat. He desperately implored it to keep going, pleading with the higher powers, begging them not to let her slip through his fingers.
"Don't leave me, please," he whispered, kissing her hand.
Heeseung noticed her breathing pattern becoming erratic, her pulse slowly becoming weak, indicating that she was losing the battle for her life.
"Don't go," he whispered, placing his face closer to hers, willing her not to leave. The tears rolled down his cheeks, shaking his head in denial. He desperately tried to keep them from falling again.
"Please stay with me," he beged, unable to handle the thought of her dying in his arms. He continued to caress her cheeks, his voice muffled as his face grew redder and redder.
"Please..."
He recalled all the memories they encountered, the bad and the good, and burst into tears again. He didn't even try to stop them, unable to hold it in any longer.
"I don't know what I'm going to do without you..."
Heeseung's voice filled with anguish, and ha piece of his heart ripped out of his chest.
His desperation grew as her heartbeat grew weaker and weaker. Her chest rose and fell, labored.
Each breath was battle for her life, and her body was not winning the fight. It started to grow cold, and her heartbeat became even fainter, as if it was trying to slip through his grasp.
"I'm so sorry."
"I should have protected you," he cried, pressing into her chest.
"I love you, Y/N."
Her hand rested on his, a faint smile spreading across her face.
---------------------------------------------
"Y/N,"
"You-"
"It's you?" her brain refused to believe the alternative, pacing back and forth, forth and back, like a spectator at a tennis match.
Lee Heeseung?
Her Lee Heeseung?
No, that's impossible.
She foolishly wanted to hold onto the strand of hope even though it was perilous. She knew it would relish on painting her walls within in qualm, scribbling various disquietude lines, and doodling frightening visions.
It appeared so compulsive, eyelids concealing the water amassing beside. The droplets traced her rubicund cold cheeks, reaching the corners of her quivering mouth. She tasted the woeful hopelessness accumulated over the past months.
How hopelessly she wished for it to be real.
For him to be with her.
If there was one thing she had been yearning for, it was his return.
Somewhere deep down in her shattered soul, she dreamed of a reunion. A reconvene in which she could hold onto him without fear. Without having to worry about him letting go once she would look away. Without being afraid of falling asleep because he wouldn't be there in the morning.
It was the only thing she had been longing for.
"No. You're not here. I'm seeing things again, right?" She looked around, laughing while groping the mattress. Doing so, she failed to detect the unknown material, repeating the same motion. It wasn't the same at home. It wasn't the latex filling she was used to.
She swiftly looked around, eyes darting around the unknown layout. They glanced over its walls sheathed in snow without a single trace of a painting, the dim lamp gleaming in the corner. It smothered the gloominess in a soothing tint of beige, strangely comforting.
It was so familiar, yet so unknown.
Was it because this wasn't her first time being in this room?
"Why am I here?" Her rapid breathing complicated the question's delivery, hands clutching onto the duvet to prevent them from shaking even more.
You fool.
She looked down, studying the IV line inserted in her vein. Her eyes popped out of their sockets, desperately trying to recall what had happened to put her in this situation in the first place.
"Calm down," the man beside appeased, holding her hand.
Compared to her ice skin, he was a burning flame.
He wanted to believe it was because of his anticipation and not because of her declining health.
He didn't want to be attentive to her paper skin or her bones visibly sticking out. Oh, how much he wanted to believe her knuckles weren't poking out next to his hand.
However, he couldn't. He couldn't bring himself to denial when these were all the signs he harbored before.
The last time he saw her, his thumb couldn't reach his pinky finger. When he wrapped them around her tender wrist now, they managed to join.
All of these signals were so familiar that he couldn't ignore them. They weren't normal and he knew from experience what effects it could have if not properly treated. Consulting with the doctor during her sleep was a necessary procedure, but he couldn't tell her everything now.
For God's sake, she couldn't even acknowledge it was him caressing her hand.
He felt like a stranger sitting there, with a worried expression and no response. He didn't know what to do. The only thing he wanted was to hold her and tell her everything was over. That he had finally accomplished what he should have done a year ago. Something he owed her from the day they met.
Where was the feeling of joy he was supposed to encounter? First and foremost, he executed an outstanding performance on the job tonight. Thanks to him, the case that was open for years had finally come to an end. It was due to his commission the two criminals now lingered behind bars.
"Is this one of those dreams again?" she suddenly grasped his shirt, unable to distinguish fantasy from reality. She held on to the cotton fabric with dear life, knuckles beginning to hurt as the grip amplified. The oaky fragrance disbanded into the air, entering through her nostrils to allow a segment of remembrance.
Her fingers slid against the black clothing, studying the outlines of it, tracing down and up again. His chest rose with each unanticipated touch, brows sliding upwards to inscribe a few lines. Worry was written all over them when she gaped at him in confusion, refusing to accept his existence.
"Where I hopelessly look for you and never manage to find you?"
The headache was overlapping her brain in confusion, and she struggled to fathom her surroundings. She didn't comprehend the quick change of emotions on his face, looking at her as if she had announced the death of a close relative. In the end, she went through these nightmares almost every night. So, it wasn't abnormal to her. Yet, his stare was intense and frightened, screaming in concern, the complete opposite of her disclosure.
It wasn't.
It couldn't be after all.
He left a long time ago.
"I'm tired of those dreams," her voice broke down, replacing it with a weep, "because I never manage to find you." She broke down, releasing the suppressed pain gathered in her system.
The mere thought of them ran shivers down her spine, completely despising the state they left her in. The number of times she woke up crying, desperately trying to hold onto the comfort beside was too much to count. The way she would open her eyelids only to realize there was nothing but a cold and untouched bedside.
She would always look at the empty spot with hope.
Hope he would come into the room with that dazzling look and hop back in the bed to hold her tight in his embrace. She wanted him to say everything would be okay, just like he used to. She wanted to hear his smile again, see his laughter, and feel his love in her hands.
Was it that selfish to ask for the undoable?
It was.
After all, he had always been a far stretch - an unreachable beauty, like a star in the sky she could only admire from afar. Too unreal to be authentic. Too perfect to exist. Too good to be true. Just like their relationship.
Even stars die eventually and gradually start fading away. It was simply natural for them to end as well.
So why was it so hard to say goodbye?
Over 365 days have passed since the day, and Y/N still stood at the beginning of the road. It was as if her feet were glued to the floor, trapping her in the moment she desperately tried to eradicate.
If a samurai's katana could slice through her stomach now, it wouldn't manage to do more damage. Nor his bow stricken to embed in her lungs. It would simply sting for a second before disappearing into the mist, just like everything else in her life. It would form a pool of blood beneath, assembling a shattered reflection. A reflection she would reach for and fall into its never-ending well of hatred and pangs of conscience.
"I did something wrong, right? That's why you left. I was so annoying with my constant mood swings, wasn't I?"
Heeseung closed his eyelids to prevent the accumulated sadness from firing, trying to stay collected so as not to evoke more sorrow.
His hands turned into fists, aching to swing on the coward's head.
What a selfish idiot he was.
He was going to cry? Him? When he was the reason they were both in this room right now?
It was his decision that caused all of this. He wouldn't be right back at the start if he hadn't given her up for his stupid career. If only he had just listened to his inner heart, things could have been different, better.
It was like someone was ripping him open, cutting and slicing with the sharpest blade, puncturing endless rebukes. Not only was he screaming from the pain, but also from witnessing Y/N uncontrollably crying in front of him.
Her petite hands held onto her hospital gown, slanting over to let out all the misery he had caused her. She couldn't stop herself from wailing in agony and torment, feeling so hopeless and confused with him reappearing in her life. It was a hard pill to swallow. The kind that gets stuck in your throat, and water cannot drown it.
"I'm so sorry I couldn't control it," she sniveled, clutching her hair tightly and pulling it to inflict more pain on herself.
"I'm so sorry," she screamed into the duvet, countlessly snuffling. Her cries were muffled, the airways between her lungs and nose becoming tighter with each one. She was practically yelping for air, hyperventilating.
"I love you, Lee Heeseung. I love you so much that it hurts," her trembling index pointed towards her heart, repeatedly tapping her chest.
At this point, she was out of breath, wailing and gripping her clothes as if they could release the painful embrace around her chest. She lifted her gaze to meet the apples of his eyes. They were glutted with sorrow and guilt, heartbreak and commiseration. They were merely reflecting his feelings - complete hopelessness.
"I can't live without you, Heeseung. I can't-" Her sob got cut off by his sudden maneuver, palms gently cupping her cheeks before drawing her face closer to him. Now, he stared into her chocolate eyes, gazing at his hickory ones with surprise.
"I love you more, Y/N." His nose rubbed against hers, foreheads aligning with one another to create an intimate moment between the lovers. They used to do this often, almost every morning, just holding each other and laughing in joy. It was like a routine, something mandatory before getting out of bed.
"More than anything else in this world," his tears caressed hers, tracing them upwards with his lips. He replaced the traces of sorrow with caring pecks, making sure to collect every drop.
"Heeseung," her hand clutched his shirt, trying to stay sane even though, deep down, she was melting in his touch.
He lightly tilted her head back, gaining access to her quivering mouth. She had it slightly ajar, huffing the compressed air through the small gap. Waves of electricity were dashing down her cells, causing an upheaval of homeostasis. The more he looked at her, the harder it got to breathe without a strain on her lungs. She had no choice but to say, "Please, just kiss me."
There was no time for that request to have been adequately thought through, as the circumstances deemed the opposite effect. For once, Y/N didn't want to think over her decisions. She wanted them to happen and worry about the consequences later.
"Can I really?" his hand slid back, holding her head to grant her maximum relaxation.
"You fool, I just told you to do it."
"I only want to make sure," he murmured, his lips automatically attracting with hers, like two magnets of opposite poles.
Perhaps it was a lofty comparison, but the way neither side hesitated before carrying out the deed proved otherwise. They have been yearning for this moment ever since they have parted ways.
Hell, they spent all of their time convincing themselves they weren't a match made to last for centuries when they were. Their love was so powerful that the glue in their bond never dried out.
Even though they were two completely different people, it was their love that brought them together. No one could change that.
"No one."
"Not ever," he whispered while he damped her lips with his wet and warm tongue, panting with each smacking sound.
It was like entering heaven.
He could almost feel the bright rays of happiness encircling them with its mighty power, not to mention Y/N's whimpers, which were like music to his ears.
Or maybe it was his poetic description of this incredible ecstasy that made it appear so illusory.
He felt like a teenage boy again. His hormones were all over the place, and his heartbeat was agitated with an uncomfortable tension in his boxers.
God was cruel for putting his body into this state, especially in this situation. However, he couldn't control it. A whole year without Y/N meant a year full of bottled-up pain and tension. He never went out and slept with someone else because he knew too well no one could compare to her.
Fuck, no one could be her, so there was no point in doing anything reckless. Plus, his heart wouldn't be able to do something so dishonest. It was loyal, unlike him, and it never erased nor forgot the name of his soulmate.
"I missed you so much," she cried, her grip around him tightening, so afraid he would let go and the feeling of safety would disappear with him.
"I know, Y/N. I missed you, too." Heeseung's hand slid up her arm, then her neck, until his hands rested on her cheeks, and he gently pulled her closer.
"But I'm here now," he continued, his voice filled with tenderness and affection. "And I don't plan on leaving your side ever again."
She looked up with red eyes, swollen and aching from the pang inside her heart. "You promise?" she asked innocently, not ready to receive a no for an answer.
"I promise." His voice was firm, his words soothing.
He kissed the top of her head, feeling her grip tightening around him while tears still ran down her wet, rosy cheeks. He wrapped his arms tightly around her, refusing to let go.
"I'm not going anywhere. Not this time."
As if by instinct, she buried her face in his chest yet again, breathing in his scent and feeling his warmth as he enveloped her petite body in his warm embrace.
Y/N felt her heart beating faster, the rush of emotions overwhelming and confusing her in the process. God, how much she has missed this. Being held, taken care of, and loved. For the first time, she allowed herself to feel vulnerable and let out a pained sob. She had held it for so long.
"Breathe," he whispered in her ear, noticing her shallow breath in a poor attempt at composure.
Her body couldn't stop shaking in his arms, the waves of emotions and shock deluging her.
"I'm here." The man of her dreams whispered, his words soothing out the bump of worries in her head. He stroked her lusciously dark hair once again, caressing her cheek as she leaned her head on the crook of his neck.
"I've got you."
That was all she needed to hear.
They both remained in each other's arms, the silence broken only by their heavy breathing. At the same time, Y/N leaned in for his hands, holding them in hers. They were big and mighty next to her small and delicate ones, swallowing them in his palms. She played with his fingers, wrapping her digits around each one like an adorable baby.
She has done this so many times before. It felt so natural each time as if their hands were sculpted to fit between the gaps of their fingers. Every insertion and removal was smooth like butter. She repeated it over and over because she couldn't get enough of it.
It was his hand she was holding and her hand he was kissing.
"Is this alright?" he asked foolishly.
She replied with a passionate kiss instead, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling the strong man as close as possible. Her body pressed against his, so gentle with each movement that it made him shiver. He leaned into the squeeze, letting go of his worries once and for all, only focusing on her warmth blending with his. His eyes rolled to the back of his head, the heat of her against his own sparking lascivious ideas.
Her lips pressed softly against his skin, enticingly murmuring her name as a result.
"Y/N..."
"I missed hearing you saying my name," she whispered into his ear before gently biting onto its helix.
Heeseung closed his eyes and exhaled a deep and long breath. He leaned closer and caressed her chin, tilting it upwards so he could meet her eyes again.
"I want to be with you forever," he said softly, hand gently caressing her hip.
"I want to wake up next to you every morning and sleep with you by my side."
"I want to hold your face and feel your lips on mine every chance. To feel our love growing more and more each day."
"I want to spend my life with you. To know you're my home, my heart."
She gaped at him in shock, not expecting to hear such a meaningful trail of confession after everything. It contradicted his ambiguously lengthy absence in which Y/N went through hell thinking about what she had done wrong.
Now, he sat before her, eyes full of ardor and sincerity, brushing his devotion on her like a naked canvas.
"I've made the mistake of letting you go once," he held her hand, placing it on his chest. She felt his rhythmic heartbeat gradually increasing with each prolonged second of his speech.
"I won't make the same mistake twice, Y/N."
Heeseung's voice is filled with sincerity and truth, determined to finally carry through his feelings to her like he should have done.
"I can't promise I will always be perfect," he expressed, his hand intertwining with hers. "But I promise, I won't let anyone tear us apart again."
He squeezed her even tighter as if she was the only thing holding him together.
"What do you mean? Who tore us apart?" her face changed instantly, confusedly staring into his apprehensive eyes. The cat was out of the bag, and Heeseung finally had to face the harsh side of reality.
Instead of answering, however, his gaze drifted away.
His expression became darker, pupils dilating from the rise of anger within. It wasn't directed towards the reason, but himself. He was furious for preserving this crucial information from her for so long.
He looked away, his hand still over hers as he tried to find the words. He took it and brought it to his lips, gently kissing it as he spoke.
"Your parents..." Heeseung said quietly.
"They never approved of us, and I knew."
Heeseung paused, unsure of how to proceed or what to say next. He didn't want to ruin her relationship with her parents or affect their reunion. Telling the truth was the best choice, but he wondered if she would forgive either side.
"They threatened to sue me and ruin my career. They said I was negligent on the mission. That I wasn't a good enough person to be with you."
He stared at her, doubtful of how much information to share.
"They didn't want me to talk to you ever again," he disclosed, his tone guarded. "They told me either I stayed away from you or they would ruin my life."
He sighed and looked down at the ground, a slight sense of shame on his face.
"It was their disapproval, combined with the threat of losing everything, that forced me to leave."
"So you chose your career over our love?" she scoffed, pushing his arms away.
"Your career was more important than our relationship?"
She shook her head in disappointment.
"No..." Heeseung quickly replied, stunned and hurt by her sudden change of attitude. "You know I'm not like that."
The truth was that he completely understood her reaction. He responded to his terrible decision the same way, turning against himself for being such a selfish prick.
Nevertheless, so much was at stake that he couldn't have done it differently. That's what he wanted to explain. To make her see his point of view and hopefully make her understand.
"You're the only person who knows what I had to go through to become an officer, Y/N. You know what kind of future I envisioned for myself, for us."
He wavered, rethinking his wording so as not to make it sound wrong. His voice slightly trembled, incredibly scared of what might come after all of this. "It would have been my entire future they would have destroyed."
She shook her head in denial, not wanting to believe her bloodline would stand in the way of her happiness. She couldn't believe her mother and father put her into that misery and pretended to be clueless.
They blamed him for everything, constantly pointing out how right they were about him from the beginning of their relationship. They kept telling her that he would eventually leave and never look back when, in reality, they were the ones who would cause it to happen. They were pulling the strings behind her back.
This whole time, while she deteriorated from the uncontrollable pain all alone, they were the culprits of her suffering.
"I," she covered her mouth, the urge to vomit intensifying at the repulsive revelation.
"Why," she looked up at him, anger and resentment burning in her eyes.
"Why didn't you tell me right away?" she whispered, her voice hingeing from the lack of power.
Heeseung shut his eyelids, unable to speak at first due to the words choking him up. He couldn't even look his love in the eyes as he lowered his face in remorse.
"I thought you wouldn't believe me," he replied calmly, his voice full of emotion. "They are your parents, after all."
Heeseung searched for the correct words to express what he felt in those moments right before he took the decision to leave her for good.
"I thought me leaving would be the least painful, the least harmful choice. I didn't want to ruin your family for one incompetent coward like me."
"Bullshit!" she yelled, throwing all of his attempts away. She was so angry at him and her parents all at once that it molded into one tangled wool of wrath that gushed obstreperous amounts of ire.
"I would have believed you, Heeseung. These are all just excuses-"
"How can you say these are just excuses," Heeseung oppugned, his voice breaking at the end of the sentence.
"You think I liked being forced to make that decision? You think I liked seeing you in pain because of me?"
He sharply inhaled, almost hissing when exhaling. The words were pouring out of him as fast as a waterfall, and no one could stop him from speaking his mind now.
"Don't you think I regret all of it? Don't you think that I wished every single day that I had just told you the damn truth?" he snapped back, his tone rising at each word.
"Do you have any idea what I went through this last year?" she shut him down, firmly pushing him away.
Do you have any idea what I was thinking this entire time?" she panted, the wrath inside her escalating through the roof.
"I thought I wasn't good enough for you, that I couldn't even make you happy, that you left because I only rubbed off my bad mental state, and you couldn't handle it anymore. This entire time, I thought it was MY fault you were gone, and I wanted to die." The curses escaped her chapped lips, fists hitting the mattress out of frustration and lack of control over her emotions. Her eyes burned with ire and disarray, quivering from undergoing sudden shock.
"Every day, I dreamt about dying. Every night, I hoped I wouldn't wake up the next day and that I would just die." She shouted into his face, her yells soon enough turning into painful sobs.
"After you left, Hee, there was no point for me to live anymore."
Heeseung stared at her, totally awed and stunned by her words. He was blind this whole time, ignorant about what was happening behind the curtains.
He couldn't form a sentence, experiencing such strong and intense emotions that he couldn't even find the words to describe them.
"I tried to end my life so many times," she cried, covering her face with trembling hands, entirely losing control of her body.
Chills ran down his spine at the weight of the last sentence, which unraveled the extent of her suffering.
His worst fear became true: she was hurting because of him.
From the start, he tried to do what was best for her future. Yet, he only made it all worse. He ruined her and became the cause of her nightmares, of every second of her affliction.
His heart broke into a million pieces. The amount of guilt he had never experienced before struck him intensely, leaving him breathless.
Tears slowly rolled down his cheeks as he realized he had worsened her depression.
First, he took away the person who loved her the most and then disposed of the one she loved the most. All at the same time, because of him.
He wanted to shout, to kick himself for being so oblivious. He wanted to hug her and hold her, cry with her, and beg for forgiveness.
But all he could do at that moment was stand like a deer caught in the headlights, completely speechless.
"I'm so sorry," he murmured.
"I never wanted to cause you... pain." His voice broke as he said those words, the guilt eating him alive.
"I-I should have been there for you, I-" Another sigh parted away.
"I failed to protect you."
"Yea, you fucked up. Now, go," her tone drastically changed, sitting up as she crossed her arms, head turning towards the window.
The world outside seemed so much calmer than the one in the room, the tension sticking on the walls.
Heeseung didn't know what to say. He tried to protest, to say something, to do anything to fix things, but after your dismissal, he knew he had to accept the fact that he had messed up beyond all reasoning.
He walked towards the door, waiting for her to change her mind and ask him to stay.
However, his wish was replaced by a soft "go."
No other words were necessary for this goodbye.
He turned to face her one final time, his eyes full of regret and misery. They couldn't even match hers for more than two seconds before a tear rolled down his cheek.
He had to look away, refusing to see the pain in her eyes and her trembling face.
"No," he said, turning around.
Heeseung was frustrated and felt misunderstood, lost in the words of frustration and anger thrown his way.
It broke his heart to hear her say these things. Although he expected the worst possible scenario, he couldn't come to terms with this alternative. There was no way he would let her go again.
He paused, taking a deep breath to process what he was hearing.
"I failed you as a lover and a friend," he whispered, the tone in his voice filled with sorrow and disappointment.
"I should have been there for you, I should have stayed and fought."
Her stare was still focused outside, refusing to communicate with him further. There was a lot of bitterness and pain inside her to pursue a polite conversation. Any minute, she would go off like a bomb. He was pushing the time until detonation.
Heeseung took a deep breath yet again, looking around the room in disbelief.
He had never seen her so angry before — not even when she was angry with her parents. This was a whole new level of anger.
He couldn't bear the thought of leaving in such a condition while being furious and hurt. Even if he thought she no longer wanted him around, he needed to prove that was not true. He wanted to prove to her his love was real and was not as shallow as she thought.
"Don't make me call the staff and get you kicked out," the threat set a foot on the floor, directly aiming at him.
She finally made eye contact, handing a cold glare, her brows furrowed and her nostrils flared.
For a few seconds, Heeseung was utterly stunned by her sudden threat and the intensity of the stare. Once she made eye contact, he saw deep down the pain and hurt that she was frantically trying to mask.
"I just want to say one more thing before I leave," he whispered, his tone gentle and apologetic. He looked away, unsure if he was doing the right thing.
"I don't want to hear anything from you," she sat up and got her slippers, aiming to stand up and walk him out.
However, a sharp groan escaped instead, her hand automatically positioning on the ache in her chest. His heart sank once again as he noticed the sudden wince in her facial expression.
"Are you okay?" he asked, his voice full of worry and concern.
He wanted to reach out but knew he did not deserve to comfort you in such a critical moment. It was all his fault.
Therefore, he remained standing, but only a meter away, as his worries grew over.
"I just need you to leave me alone." her expression changed nattily, practically hissing out the sentence.
He remained silent, not saying a word.He could hear her breathing and the slight wheezing with each inhale. Other than that, there was only the silence of the room.He couldn't find any words to say in such a situation, not when her voice bore hatred and disdain.
Slowly, he backed away from her, his feet making light sounds on the floor, almost unable to hear them. She winced when attempting to slightly move, each muscle in her body tensing at the unexpected action.
Tears summon in her eyes, crawling back from the overlapping ache and sorrow combined into a deadly mixture. Heeseung noticed how her body reacted, recalling the doctor's orders. He couldn't hold back anymore. He couldn't stand idle.
"Wait," he said quickly, his tone filled with worry and panic. He rushed to her side, putting a hand on her shoulder to prevent her from getting up.
"God, you're such a-" Her whine swallows the curse word, shutting her eyelids due to the ascending pain.
"You can hate me as much as you want, but you must lay down this instance," Heeseung sighed, noticing her effort at resisting his actions even if it was all for her safety. He tried to lay her down slowly but firmly, making sure he didn't hurt her any further.
He gently pushed her backward on the bed, hoping the pain from the movement didn't worsen.
"You're a pain in the ass," she coughed, eyes still closed to avoid any form of direct eye contact. His presence beside was enough to rile her up and clench her fists.
He had to hide his smile as her attempts to push him away and the occasional bursts of insults were adorable. She might have been furious at the moment, but her actions gave away the small hint of weakness underneath.
It made him want to apologize for coming back at the wrong time, but he remained silent and waited by her side for the pain to subside.
He sat on the edge of the bed, looking out of the window with a heavy pang in his heart. He stayed silent for a while, content with sitting in silence, even if she was still furious at him.
He occasionally glanced at her with a sorrowful look, as if he was sorry for causing you so much pain and distress.
Slowly, he turned his head back towards the window and exhaled, the only noise he made for the following minutes.
"I should be furious and mad at you for everything," she whispered, "Yet, I can't because it hurts even more."
Heeseung's eyes widened once she spoke up. She might have not looked at him, but he heard her perfectly.
She still sounded angry, but it sounded more like regret than anything else. It was the first time he saw her defenses crack, and he was starting to wonder how long until she completely broke down.
"I prayed every night to see you again, to be held in your arms," she paused, suppressing the wave of tears from flushing down her face.
"I-" she put her arm over her face, fighting herself from speaking up further.
He remained silent, watching her struggle with her emotions. He couldn't help but feel a pang in his heart seeing her trying so hard not to break down in front of him.
With a light, tender gesture, he wiped the tears away from her cheeks and put his hand over her fist, trying to hold her fingers while remaining careful about the injuries.
"I hate you," she whimpered.
"I hate how much I love you after everything."
Those words hit him like a knife to the heart.
Hearing her confess her love and hatred towards him was a bittersweet feeling. Although her words still harbored anger, there was no denying his heart was aching for her.
He looked at her, not saying anything, just staring, his eyebrows furrowing, waiting to hear what else she had to say.
"You broke me, and somehow-" she lingered on her words, snuffling, "you're the only thing I think about."
Heeseung's heart ached with each word she spoke, hearing the emotional confession.
He didn't quite know what to say. Her love for him seemed just as conflicting as her rage and hatred as if both were trying to take the throne as the primary emotion in her heart.
Her tearful, trembling voice made him feel vulnerable too, his entire being consumed by the emotions that made him want to hug her so tightly, wanting so desperately to make everything better.
"You turned me into a mess," she covered her face with her palms, refusing to be seen this vulnerable and weak again.
He couldn't even argue with that statement because, at that moment, he knew she was right. He had turned her into a mess. He had left her without a single thought about if she would be alright, what it would do to her given her psychological condition.
He had forgotten how much she loved and needed him and how his sudden disappearance would affect her. He was unable to stand her vulnerable state any longer.
He grabbed both her wrists, pulling them away from her face, letting his eyes meet hers.
"Look at me," he said in the softest way possible.
He was doing exactly what she didn't want him to do.
She was concealing her reckless emotions from him, forbidding him to see her like this any longer.
At his words, she reluctantly let go of and slowly lifted her face. She didn't want him here, but she did. She craved, no, needed him.
She looked directly into his eyes, feeling her heart ache, not wanting this moment to end but also wanting to escape it. His orbs had the most solemn expression, looking at her with sorrow and empathy.
He couldn't help but feel how her emotions were constantly switching between rage and sadness, and although she didn't say the words, his heart was still willing to believe that she still loved him.
Because she truly did.
And that's why she hated herself so much.
Heeseung's heart couldn't take it anymore.
When she looked away from his eyes, he saw how much she was still struggling to keep her emotions from breaking down completely. He wanted to help her, he wanted to make everything better, but he didn't know how.
With a light tug, he pulled her close and tightly hugged her. The warmth from his body spread to her, the smell of his cologne filling her nostrils.
As if the whole world had turned upside down, she had officially reached her limits. There were no barriers in her way anymore and she let her emotions burst out.
At last, she allowed herself to cry in front of someone again. In front of him. In his arms, in his embrace, in his chest.
With the sound of her trembling breaths, Heeseung could feel how real this moment was. Every tear falling from her cheeks, every sniffle, and every sob.
He didn't mind one bit. He didn't care how vulnerable she was right now or how weak this moment made her look. To him, her hugging hugging him back and feeling her body pressed against his was all that mattered right now.
She was finally home.
She was finally safe again.
She was where she was supposed to be all along.
With her lover, her soulmate, her other part.
She could finally smile again.
Heeseung tightened the grip on her body, wanting to bring her as close as possible to fill the space of loneliness in her heart.
The feeling of her warm body against his was all he needed to feel complete again. It was like he found the last missing piece of the puzzle. With it, the picture was complete. His heart was finally beating again.
He kept his arms around her, not letting go of her for a single second. He hoped that this was just the beginning of their second chance.
Her hands rested on his chest as she lifted her head, inches away from his lips.
He brought her closer, making the space between their faces even shorter. He slowly lowered his head to meet her lips, his breath slightly trembling as his heart pumped rapidly in his chest.
She moaned into the kiss, closing her eyes and letting him take control. She was so tired, both mentally and physically, but craved him intensely.
Their tongues collided against each other leisurely and intensely at the same time, desperate to have one another as close as possible.
The kiss was hungry, both despairing for each other that they were practically devouring each other rather than just simply enjoying the moment.
Heeseung's arms tightly wrapped around her, holding her firmly against his body, his lips moving with a steady pace alongside hers. There was no need for any words, as their entire bodies had already expressed everything they needed to.
His hands ran under her hospital gown, sliding upwards on her back. She arched her back at the contact, moaning and lightly biting onto his lip.
Heeseung couldn't help but moan at her reaction. The feeling of his hands on her skin sent shivers down her spine, his fingers feeling like little sparks of joy spreading through.
He moaned against her lips again, wanting this moment to last even longer.
She was all his, and he was all hers.
There was nothing that could stop them from being so intimate and together right now. All the anger and hatred that lingered inside was washed away by the sheer joy of being reunited.
He began tracing her spine with delicate, light touches, sending a chill down her back despite the warm sensations that the gesture caused.
When his hands moved further up, her back began to arch involuntarily, breathing becoming heavier.
His fingers found themselves tangled in her hair, pulling back as the kisses became even more passionate.
"Someone could come in any moment," she panted as he pulled away for a minute, gripping his shirt for stability since she was in a daze. Any hospital staff could barge in, and she certainly didn't want anyone to catch her engaging in lewd activities...
Heeseung let out a chuckle at her reminder, still feeling his heart pump and his lips vibrating with a warm, fuzzy feeling.
"I don't mind," he whispered, his lips hovering near hers again, teasing.
At that moment, the kiss felt so perfect for him, so right that he didn't care if anyone saw them in such a vulnerable state. He looked around the room and back at her, a small, mischievous grin appearing on his face.
"You're crazy!" she wanted to protest, but he kissed her again, sliding his hand behind her neck so she could fully transfer her weight onto his hand.
"Don't worry," he said, getting up and heading towards the door, getting a "do not disturb" sign out of the shelf and putting it on the door's front handle before locking themselves in.
He was glad he had decided to take her to a private hospital, not only because the surgery was done quickly, but he could also stay the night with her.
She couldn't help but feel a little bit of relief wash over, knowing that they wouldn't be interrupted by anybody walking by. The two of you could finally have some privacy to let the passion and desire run free.
With the heat between both of them building up, Heeseung returned to the bed, this time straddling on top of her.
"Oh," she gaped at him from below, her hands holding onto his arms next to her.
Her gaze landed underneath his shirt as he hovered over her, allowing her to fully see his abs. They were still as sculpted and defined as she remembered, perhaps even more visible now. Her mouth slightly hung loose, biting her lip to conceal her arousal.
He looked down at her, seeing the intent stare at his abs as her finger lightly trailed towards the edge of his shirt.
With a soft smirk, he lifted his arms, letting her expose his entire upper body, the abs, and pecs flexing slightly as he moved. He let her admire and touch every inch of his muscle, even letting her trace the veins on his arms.
For some reason, seeing him suddenly topless caused a couple of fireworks to set off in her stomach, immediately looking away to hide the wave of heat mantling her cheeks.
Heeseung couldn't help but giggle softly at her shyness, finding it utterly appealing. He still got butterflies each time she blushed like this, finding it to be one of her most endearing characteristics.
He leaned closer, lifting her hands off her face and caressing it with his own hands.
"So beautiful," he whispered, pressing his forehead against hers.
"Don't be shy. You can touch any part of me you want."
"Hee," she panted, feeling breathless from the lewdness of his words.
He chuckled, noticing how overwhelmed she got.
"I can't believe how easily flustered you get."
He paused for a few seconds before placing one of his hands on her pink cheek.
"It's okay to be touched like this, you know," he whispered into her ear.
"You've touched my heart so many times already, you can touch me as much as you like."
"If you keep talking like that, I'll melt," she sighed, placing her hand on his face as his gaze only evoked more attraction.
Heeseung laughed, finding her response to his comments sweet. He could see her already trying not to blush and feeling quite embarrassed, which made him want to tease her even further.
"Is that so?" he inquired, looking at her with a teasing smile on his lips.
"Well, maybe it would be better to see you in liquid form. Then I could at least drink in your beauty all at once."
"What are you even saying!" She widened her eyes, slapping his arm and covering her mouth out of embarrassment.
Heeseung smiled and played with a strand of her hair.
"Am I making you upset?" he teased, "and there I was, planning on making you melt all over me so I could lick it all up." With a smirk, he brought his face closer to hers, letting her feel his breath against her lips.
"You're such a pervert," her head turned to the side on the pillow, closing her eyes as the tip of her ears began to redden.
"You like it, though," his voice was tinged with a teasing undertone, almost daring her to deny it.
"Is this making you nervous?" he asked lusciously, "maybe I should keep kissing your neck until you can't take it anymore."
She moaned and grabbed his back the moment his lips brushed against her neck, breathing heavier than before.
He knew damn well how sensitive her neck was, and he always used that against her. He smirked at her reaction to his kiss, noticing how her body tensed up.
As he continued kissing her neck and leaving hickeys all across it, he could hear how she was trying to repress her moans.He didn't plan on going too far with this, but he was incredibly tempted to make you her out with his touch.
She pushed him away for a minute, her whole body practically shaking from the stimulation.
Heeseung smirked, knowing he had pushed her limits with the kiss.
Still, he didn't hesitate one second to get close to her again and place light kisses across her face.
"Is that too much?" he asked, his voice still maintaining that teasing tone, "I could do even more you know. We have a whole night ahead of us."
"I hate you so much," she grunted, letting him peck her face with smooches.
"Such harsh words coming from such a cute mouth." Heeseung laughed as she kept resisting his kisses, only making him want to tease her more.
"You can hate me all you want, but you can't escape my charm," he grinned at her, kissing her forehead and letting his fingers trail downwards.
"You could have gotten me naked instead of blabbering on."
Heeseung raised his eyebrows and smirked at the straightforwardness of her comment.
"Is that an invitation?" he inquired, "cause if it is, then I accept it completely." He brought her close to his body again, still keeping a firm grasp around her waist.
"Let me make your desire come true."
"Be careful, it hurts," she sat up, holding onto him.
Heeseung smiled softly at her actions, letting her sit up and gently lifting her onto his lap. He saw how tired she was, the exhaustion of the surgery still weighing in on her.
"Are you sure you want to do this right now?" he inquired in a concerned tone, "we don't have to do anything, and still…"
He wavered for a moment, leaning her body against him.
"I still want to be near you."
She nodded, running her hands on his bare chest before giving it soft and tender pecks.
He let out a soft groan as his chest was bombarded with so many kisses, his body feeling warm at the spot her lips placed on. He let her body lean on him, enjoying the softness of her skin on his own. He couldn't stop but smile at how soft and gentle her every gesture was, making him feel the need to protect her.
She traced upwards, bringing her lips to his neck. She soaked up the smell of his scent, letting her lips slowly brush against his honey skin, licking and biting occasionally.
After kissing his cheek, she let her face rest on his shoulder, sighing at the warmth they were passing onto each other.
Heeseung cuddled her, running his hands through her silky hair as he enjoyed the closeness of her presence. They were both lying in silence for a couple of minutes, letting the quietness of the moment envelope them both. He felt content, and so did she. She floundered to explain it, but being in his arms made her feel safe and protected as if she was in a cocoon away from the outside world.
"Help me take this off, please," she pointed at her gown, slowly kissing him one more time.
"You don't have to say it twice."
He paused for a moment, feeling her tongue gently slide across his lips. It was as if she couldn't wait to feel his warmth all over her body. The thought made him eager to get rid of the clothing, so he began pulling the strings to the side, slowly untying them before she could slip the dress over her shoulders.
She looked down to see her chest wrapped with bandages from the surgery, sighing at the sight. Her eyes darted away, slanting a bit.
Heeseung's eyes followed her gaze, realizing how uncomfortable and self-conscious she must have felt about it. Wanting to ease her tension, he smiled and placed his hands on her shoulders before whispering next to her ear.
"You don't have to feel embarrassed or uncomfortable. I am your lover, and nothing you show me will make me love you any less."
With those words, Heeseung's voice was tinged with kindness, as he wanted to make her feel at ease and wanted.
"I'm sorry for looking like this," she lowered your head, trying to hide her chest.
Heeseung gently caressed her face, lifting it so he could stare directly into her eyes.
"Never be sorry for something you have zero control over." He lifted his hand and placed it on top of her chest, his thumb running across the bandages.
"I was here to support you during the surgery, and I'm still here now to support you through your recovery, and no matter what, I will always love you."
She felt her eyes watering, sobbing as his kind words caressed her soul with love.
He didn't hesitate to pull her in a tight hug, soothing her as he cradled her in his arms.
The comfort of his touch was evident, not only from how her body quivered from the sudden embrace but also from her sobbing. It was clear as a day that she was going through a lot, but the thought of being in his arms was enough to calm her nerves and soothe her soul.
"I love you," she whispered, looking for his lips with hers.
"I love you more, Y/N."
Heeseung brought their bodies closer. It was a tender moment, full of affection and love, as they shared a deep kiss full of care and adoration.
"So you still want me? Even though I look like this," she foolishly asked, worried he could be less attracted to her after the surgery. Not only that, but she had lost a lot of weight, and she wasn't comfortable in her skin.
Heeseung was instantly alarmed at the comment, well aware of her insecurities. The way she was concerned was the last thing he needed to see right now.
"Don't ever think like that again," he placed his forehead against hers, wanting her to understand how he felt.
"Nothing will ever make me love you less. You've been through this surgery and lost some weight, but have I ever told you how beautiful you still look? How much I still want you?"
"Please tell me," she hiccuped, getting goosebumps when he cupped her cheeks and softly caressed them in his big hands.
Heeseung smirked softly before leaning down to kiss her forehead.
"You are incredible to me. Nothing has changed how I feel about you. In fact, I feel that my love for you has multiplied, and I want you more than ever."
He waited for a minute, letting his words sink into her heart.
"You've gone through so much today, and all I want to do is take care of you and help you recover fully..."
She wrapped her arms around his neck, sobbing from receiving so much care and affection. She had gotten used to being alone and not having anyone for so long that she forgot how it felt to be loved.
Heeseung saw how his behavior was having a huge impact on her, and although he was touched by seeing her reaction, he also felt a certain joy in it, since it meant she was letting him into her life. The more she let him in, the more he felt satisfied, seeing how she accepted his protection.
"Let me cuddle you again," he smiled, caressing her hair as he pulled her closer to his body.
"No, make love to me, please," she leaned back, letting him gently hold her close.
"I want you so badly."
Heeseung was a bit taken aback by the suddenness of her demand, but the tone of her voice was tempting and irresistible.
He let his hands crawl down her body until they ended up resting on her hips and butt.
"Are you sure you're feeling good enough to do something like this?" he whispered into her ear, not wanting to do anything that could potentially hurt her.
"As long as you're gentle," she smiled, caressing his face in her palm.
Heeseung let out a low growl as she touched his face, delicate yet sensual, enough to make him harder. The more she touched him, the more he felt his heart racing and his breath speeding up.
He moved in closer, their bodies touching from head to toe as her breath hitched.
"I'm all yours," she whispered.
Heeseung was speechless the moment he heard those words leave her mouth.
It was the most beautiful thing he could ever imagine.
Someone who truly loves him and wants to be with him.
He looked down at her, letting his orbs get lost in hers.
"Do you mean those words?"
She nodded, pressing herself onto his erection.
"My heart only beats for you and you only," she smiled, intertwining her hands with his.
He let out a low gasp upon seeing her take control, feeling some blood hastily flowing to his lower regions.
Her words were like music to his ears, and he kept grinning like an idiot. He was so happy she felt this way about him. He lowered his head, kissing the small space between her shoulder and neck.
"Take off your pants, Hee," she grabbed his belt, trying to take it off.
Her command had him on edge. He was so eager to obey that he didn't waste a second and quickly complied, undoing his leather belt and taking off his trousers as he sat on the edge of the bed.
Seeing him completely naked in front of her made her nervous, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear while looking over to the side.
Why did he have to look so ethereal and luscious?
The moment she averted her gaze to another direction and started playing with her hair, urging him to be even closer. He let out a slow breath and took in her appearance from head to toe.
She always had a way of looking vulnerable yet seductive that made his heart flutter with every heartbeat.
He leaned over, gently laying her back on the bed, getting on top.
She gasped quietly, having him this close making her feel some type of way. Her hand wandered on his neck, pulling him lower to get a taste of his luscious lips one more time.
Heeseung moaned as she tugged him downwards and let her explore his body. It was a feeling that left him with no words.
He let his body rest on hers, making sure she was in a comfortable position as his hands roamed around her flawless body, trailing upwards until they ended up on her breasts.
She hitched once his warm palms held them, cautiously caressing them. Her hands rested upon his, guiding them to cup her breasts a bit more.
His touch was tender and careful, making sure not to hurt her while molding his hands to fit her curves. Her hands encouraged and guided him more, immediately tightening. Nevertheless, he made sure to keep the pressure at a minimum.
The feeling of the heat between their bodies, the sensation of their fingers running over each others' bodies, and the delicate kissing was enough to make his breath pick up pace as he groaned softly.
"You're so beautiful," she breathed out, every bit of oxygen getting cut off in her system whenever he looked at her with that dazzling gaze.
He sensed a deep level of contentment, letting his lips brush against hers. They were warm, and the feeling of her soft body under him left him feeling so excited that his heart would burst.
The fact she even wanted to be with him in that moment made the experience more fulfilling to him, the love only growing with each passing second.
He guided his mouth lower, from her neck to her collarbones, until he had reached her petite breasts, rubbing his face against them. He couldn't get enough of her scent and warmth, kissing and licking her nipples.
The tingling sensation of his tongue made her body shiver, bringing a rush of excitement. Her hands moved upwards to his hair, letting her fingers run through it. She failed to hide her moans, a few escaping, causing a surge of ecstasy to run to her toes, which curled in response. It was quite difficult to maintain her composure.
Her whimpers drove him crazy, glazing her teats tenderly like they were his favorite type of ice cream he couldn't get enough of.
She looked down at Heeseung's erection, grabbing it in her hand. Her fingers wrapped around it gradually, her heart rate racing, mind all over the place. She was lost in passion and had a hard time believing this was happening.
He leaned to her ear, his breath brushing over her after whispering her name. Her touch sent shivers down his spine, but he was also excited at the same time. It's been a while since the last time he had felt the sensation of a woman's touch on him, and he liked it.
She kept guiding her hand, traveling up and down his shaft. He continued twitching in her hand, overstimulated by her touch and existence. She struggled to properly inhale, the intensity of their activities sucking in all the clear oxygen roaming around the room.
Heeseung was going crazy. He was shivering and jolting, all his sensations heightening, and his body was becoming a little sensitive. She didn't have to touch his sensitive area to make him squirm. The way she used her hand to stroke him made any self-control he had left fly out of the window. The pleasure of her touch was overbearing.
"I missed you so much," she confessed, her thumb pressing on the head of his member, causing him to hiss in pleasure.
"I missed you too, Y/N," he whispered, letting a low moan slip out of his lips. She had his full attention. Not even his breath would slip away.
The way she took pride in making him squirm and moan, the way she traced him like a paintbrush across a canvas, made his heart skip a beat, wanting more of her.
He slowly thrust his member into her hand, practically using her to ease his arousal. She guided her palm gently down his shaft, letting him pleasure himself using her body. She kissed his neck, gently biting it. It was fun to care for the dominant one in the relationship.
Heeseung groaned as her lips kissed and nibbled on his neck. The feeling of the kisses left the blood running hot through his veins, sending a rush of heat through, slightly spasming below.
His hands moved down her body, one of them grasping her hips. She groaned as he felt his fingers circling her sacred part, spitting down for easy access inside.
"You shouldn't be doing this," he panted, his index playing with her clit.
"I should be the one pleasuring you," he stopped her from doing anything more, not wanting her to feel as though she needed to compensate him in any way.
His hand moved down to her body, skimming over her skin and body before settling down between her legs. His fingers caressed her folds, sending shivers.
"But I want to," she pouted, attempting to close her legs when his face was inches away from her exposed lower part.
"I know you do, but it's time that I got to return the favor to you," he cupped her thighs, squeezing them gently as he lifted her legs over his shoulders.
She covered her mouth, closing her eyes the minute his tongue brushed over her woman parts, causing her to throw her head back from euphoria.
Heeseung's touch was gentle but firm. He wasn't being forceful, he wasn't being rough, he was merely enjoying the moment of watching her body shake and tremble.
His hand moved lower and lower, his finger tracing your entrance.
His spit slipped inside, alongside his fingers, moving them in and out with ease while licking her clit. He pushed his fingers in more, curling them upwards to hit that sweet spot that would make her moan and groan in pleasure.
"Hee," she panted, drooling over how good she was feeling, tugging his hair since she needed to hold onto something. After all, she was going through cloud nine.
His touch left her gasping for air like a dying woman. She had no choice but to squirm and moan, letting a wave of ecstasy take over. It felt like she was in another world, the feeling extremely intense.
Heeseung's fingers circled and moved inside her, causing her to dissolve. She gritted her teeth, hands forming into fists as the pleasure overstimulated her.
His were moving slowly and methodically, focused on her that the world around him almost didn’t exist anymore.
It was as if the both of them were in their little worlds, enjoying the feeling of being together, their breathings syncing, bodies blending into one blossom. His hands slowly picked up the pace, going slightly quicker while remaining gentle.
"Hee," she called out softly, fighting to contain her lewd sounds, legs shaking slightly as the stimulations were overlapping. She felt like she was going to explode any second.
He knew what you were going through because he could see her expressions rapidly changing with each lick and curl. She was reaching that point where she couldn't hold it in anymore. It made him happy since this was proof that he was capable of pleasuring her to such an extent.
"I love you," she cried from the pleasure, arms crossing over her face to hold it all in. His fingers were quickly moving deeper and faster. He wanted her to experience as much as she could right now.
The words of affection got Heeseung feeling all mushy inside. He wanted to please her, to make her experience everything he could give.
"I-" her mind went blank, turning your head from one side to the other, feeling her climax building up inside. She was so close, and she couldn't hold on anymore. Her hand immediately grabbed his free one, tightly gripping it.
Heeseung didn't stop, speeding up to drive her over that edge.
"Hee-" she called desperately, legs shaking as he kept licking and moving his fingers quicker.
"Relax… Just relax, Y/N… Let go, let go for me," he said, his voice soft but commanding.
Without another minute, her nails dug deeper, her body shaking and tugging rapidly as she reached her climax, completely covering his fingers in her arousal. Heeseung smiled, licking all of her cum from his fingers and entrance, edging her with his kitten licks.
"Fuck," she cursed, overstimulated by everything.
She felt like all the tension had left her body - as if gravity had let go, and she was floating in the air. Her mind was blank, body trembling, breath quick and shaky as the feeling of pleasure was running all through your system.
"Heeseung," she whispered, pulling him closer.
He smiled a little as he moved his hand up to her cheek.
She wrapped her arms and legs around his body, kissing his neck over and over again.
"Please, put it in," she begged, resting in his embrace.
The moment she spoke was almost like music to his ears, and Heeseung knew exactly what you were asking for.
He gently pushed her down onto her back, leaning over with his hand trailing down her shoulder and chest to her neck. He let his other hand move lower slowly to touch her properly.
"Are you ready?", he whispered.
She kissed him, letting her actions speak. Her tongue immediately slid inside, breathing and moaning into his mouth.
He matched her energy, his tongue fighting with hers. He wasn't being gentle, neither was he being a beast. He was allowing the moment to unfold, not rushing it. The wet kisses were leaving them yearning for more.
"I don't want to wait anymore, Hee," she conveyed, wholly resting her body on the bed. Her legs were still wrapped around his waist, putting her arms above her head.
It was her way of letting him know that she was ready. That she needed him, now.
Those words sent his blood boiling, causing his member to twitch and jolt from the feeling of wanting her so badly.
He looked down at her marvelous body, noticing the position she had placed herself in for him - the invitation he saw in her eyes made him go wild.
He leaned down to her, his breath handling her with every word that came out of his mouth.
"Are you sure you can handle me?" he whispered, his voice a little low and husky from the intense moment.
"Stop talking and just do it already," her patience was getting thin, rubbing her lower part against his.
He grinned, unable to hold back the smile on his face after she snapped at him. With his body resting over hers, his hands went to the back of her legs, squeezing them slightly.
He looked into her eyes once more before pushing his body forward, aligning his shaft at her entrance. It wouldn't have been Heeseung if he hadn't teased first, rubbing his member against her slickness. He enjoyed watching her whimper in agony and frustration.
Her mind went blank the more he teased, swept away from his touch. There wasn't one single thought in her mind, merely focusing on this moment.
Her hands gripped his muscular arms, moans getting louder with each moment he rubbed against her beautiful body.
Heeseung's mind was on nothing but giving her satisfaction. Her legs gripped his back, voice becoming more breathy and soft as she wanted him to ease her arousal.
He smiled, and without a warning, he put himself in, his dick sliding inside her smoothly, causing both of them to moan loudly.
Her slippery and hot walls trapped him inside, trying to soothe his tugging and jerking shaft. He groaned, his abdomen drawing in at every push, shaking his head from the vigor of pleasure. She was unreal, her beauty, her body, just all of her.
Heeseung opened his eyes after calming down, his breathing deepening. His lips agonized for hers, huffing his compressed desire and longing into a powerful and passionate kiss. It was the longest one of today, sucking her lips in his mouth, his tongue grazing over, between, or under them continuously. He couldn't get enough, cursing at how unbelievable this was.
Her heart was beating so fast she could feel it in her ears, not believing that this was happening to her right now.
"H-Hees…" she could barely say his name as her voice quivered. He was using one hand to hold her against him, his other moving down to her hand.
"Y/N…" He breathed out, his voice husky and shaky. His thumb rubbed her hand, squeezing it gently to the point she could feel his touch.
The feeling of him being inside was a mix of many things, but the main factor was that it felt right. His body fit like a puzzle inside, like two pieces finally joining together.
She had used this expression before, but there was no better way of describing this bliss. It was too perfect to be true.
She was losing her mind, forgetting to breathe.
“Take a deep breath,” he whispered, the words barely audible from being so lost in the moment.
His hips slowly moved alongside her, their bodies now both thrusting together, absolutely lost in the moment.
All of his thoughts disappeared, the rush for pleasure consuming him. His lips met her shoulder between kisses, his tongue licking along it.
She did as he said, inhaling and exhaling filthy noises, turning him on even more. Her eyes were teary, not because it hurt, but because it felt too good.
“Good girl,” he whispered, caressing her hair.
His hips kept moving, taking longer, his back arching as he did. It took everything in him not to lose himself in the pleasure, to hold back and make sure that this was a long and enjoyable experience for both sides.
"Don't ever leave me again, please," she pleaded, realizing how emotional she was getting with each thrust. The fear inside was climbing over her walls, ready to ambush.
"Never," he vowed, kissing her with such desperation that he couldn't control himself any longer. It was like he was craving more of her.
Her hands held onto his hips, nails digging into his skin for support. Her legs were starting to give up, shaking from the intensity and ecstasy of their lovemaking.
Heeseung noticed her legs, moving his hand down to grip her thigh and hold it up slightly. He knew that he had to make adjustments to take it slower and not wear her out so quickly.
“Heeseung,” she breathed out, watching their bodies moving together with every single thrust. How he slid inside her and pulled away, completely disappearing inside her while hitting her hallowed spot. She threw her back, the image sending goosebumps all over.
He watched her body twitch and shiver, nails digging into his back. His breath was growing shaky, incapable of thinking about anything but being inside of her, enjoying the moment when the two of them were connected completely.
She looked at him through her droopy eyelids, toiling to look straight as he kept pushing himself deeper. Her mouth was drooling slightly, a light string of saliva tracing down her neck. This had to be what they meant by being fucked until your brain was empty.
"I love you," he moaned, his voice shaking and his breath increasing in speed. He could barely keep himself from falling in that moment; he was trying his best to keep a steady rhythm.
Her eyes rolled back, completely deteriorating in his thrusts. The deeper he fucked her, the more her insides quivered.
Heeseung pushed even deeper, his mouth open and his breaths coming out in small puffs of white air.
Her nails left long scratches on his back, losing control over herself.
"I'm here," he whispered against her neck. "I'm not going anywhere." Every word he said had a sense of urgency and determination to it. He was there, in her arms and he wasn't leaving her.
"I love you so much, Hee," she sobbed, hiding her face in the crook of his neck. Her moans occasionally slipped out due to his magical thrusts, becoming one with him.
"I love you too," he said quietly as he raised his other hand to her forehead and gently ran his fingers through her bangs. His hand came down to caress her cheek and he looked directly into her eyes. The passion he felt for her was overwhelming, and he couldn't think of anything at this moment but her and the wonderful moment they were sharing.
Heeseung moved his mouth back to her neck, kissing and nibbling softly. This feeling of belonging and unity between the two of them was just incredible.
His thrusts were longer but at the same time slower, his hand moving down her thigh and moving her legs down to his, he needed more grip for the both of their pleasure.
She bit her lips, eyes shutting at the phenomenal experience, throwing her head back and slightly arching. Her chest started hurting a bit, as their intercourse was getting a bit intense.
"Hey," he breathed, pulling himself out for a moment from your body. "Are you okay?"
It seemed that he caught on to the fact that she was beginning to feel some pain. He moved to the side and looked down at her, his face concerned.
"Sorry, it just," she pointed to the wound, exhaling loudly.
He realized that he made her discomforted. He couldn't stop himself from frowning, his face looking concerned.
"Don't apologize," he said, his voice a little low. "Just tell me what I can do to help relieve the pain, alright?"
"Maybe if we lay on our sides," she proposed, struggling to make herself turn
"That's a good idea," he helped her turn, leaning behind her and putting his arms around to help her stay in that position. His body eased into that position, laying his head behind her, arms holding her, and his chest touching her back.
"That's better," she smiled, breathing a bit easier now.
"I'm sorry for hurting you. I was enjoying the moment so much that I got a little carried away…"
"No, it's ok, I was enjoying it as much as you," she turned her head back a bit, grabbing his hands and putting it on her stomach.
Heeseung's body relaxed after her reassurance, leaning in more to wrap himself around her, the top half of his body covering her while the lower half pushed deeper into her.
She whimpered when he slid back in, squeezing his hands with a resonant sigh. This time, he was slower and more gentle, kissing from her nape all down her spine, leaving a lengthy trace of ardor. His mouth traced slowly down her back, turning his adoration into a sensational experience.
It was different this time because his concerns about her comfort were clambering. He never wanted to hurt her, only aiming to give her pleasure. Hence, he grabbed her leg, putting it over his so he had more space to enter deeper, to hit that spot that sent her through the roof.
As expected, she let out a deep gasp, the sound escaping from her almost involuntarily. Heeseung's tongue traced another slow line down her spine and back up again, savoring her taste.
He caressed her inner thigh, moving his hand back to her chest to play with her teats. His thumb and index grabbed them, twisting them around. He loved her appearance, but her breasts were the real treasure he never got enough of.
Words weren't able to describe how incredible this moment was, how their bodies connected and merged into one blossom of fervor.
His hands trailed up and down, drafting her marvelous curves. His touch felt light and gentle, yet there was still a sense of urgency and power behind it.
"You're so fucking beautiful, it's driving me crazy," he cursed, squeezing her breast.
"You're… you're so perfect," he spat out in between kisses, his body getting comfortable and used to this position. He bit down more forcefully on her neck, his kisses leaving more and more red marks.
"Hold me close, please," she whimpered, looking for his hands on her body.
"I got you," he said, body shifting to fully align with hers, arms gripping her from behind to tighten. He brought his face into her neck, his breathing speeding up with each kiss he gave her.
"Never let go," she sobbed, squeezing his hands with her trembling ones.
"Never, I promise," he pledged, holding her close to his chest.
She could feel his heart beating in time with hers, both sounding like they were about to explode.
"Never," she repeated, praying it was going to become true.
Heeseung kissed her deeply and passionately, pressing his body up against hers.
He was aware of her intonation, the worries raking in her head. Every kiss was stronger, more intense, and hotter than the last as he had to destroy all of them, one by one. His lips moved along her neck, tongue encircling on her neck, licking along it as he left no spot untouched.
She sat up, pushing him back on the bed. Heeseung's eyes widened, his reflexes quickly grabbing her wrists to prevent her from falling back.
She slightly groaned, lowering her head a little to catch her breath.
"Can you also sit up?" she proposed, wanting the two of you to make love while hugging each other.
He did as she asked, lifting himself a bit, leaning his back against the bed as he sat up with his legs spread. His hands held her back, one of his hands moving down to hold her leg as the other rested back on his. His mouth met hers, giving her a long kiss, not letting go of her in any way.
"I wanted to look at you," she voiced as she guided his shaft back inside her, scrunching her face.
"That's fine," he breathed out, his voice hoarse from being in her again, the constant switching driving his member to aggravate.
His eyes looked at her while her body trembled and twitched, his body feeling incredible. It was almost like being high, heavenly, and divine.
"I can feel your heart beating against mine," she smiled, her chest brushing against his, her perky nipples stimulating themselves.
Heeseung's heart beat faster every time she did that, her soft hands tenderly caressing his body, as if it would break in her delicate touch. She went over the muscles of his leg, his stomach, his chest, and eventually his arms. Her touch sent shivers down his spine and made him moan and sigh, realizing just how much she was driving him crazy.
"I missed you so much," she chuckled, masking the pain in her voice by cupping his cheeks.
"I missed you too," he breathed out, his lips locking with yours, making sure to kiss her deeply to show how much she meant to him.
Every kiss and bite seemed to drive a feeling of euphoria through his body, like every time he kissed her, a wave of happiness and satisfaction coursed through.
She closed her eyes when he caressed her back, circling it with a tender push. He made her feel so comfortable and safe, all with just one look, one touch, one kiss.
His kiss was the sweetest thing, his hands and lips exploring every inch of her. He wanted to feel all of her curves and touch every inch of her skin.
Her fingers wandered into his hair as the kiss deepened, huffing into his mouth while gently moving up and down, making both of them feel the most wonderful fractions inside.
He pulled her closer, their bodies wrapped around each other, unable to let go of one another. Their hands rested along each other's sides and their legs slightly entwined underneath.
Heeseung's tongue slid in and out of her mouth, exploring all of the areas he had already tasted before. He licked her upper lip after moving his hands down her hips.
He firmly gripped them, guiding her up and down his cock while he sucked on her neck, leaving trails of hickeys.
His breath warmed her icy skin and his lips kissed and nibbled along. Her body was starting to tremble and shake, his tongue returning to her lips. His kisses were extremely passionate, the ones where she forgot to breathe or think.
She pulled away, staring into his eyes through her lax gaze, mouth slightly agape, lips covered in their saliva. Her brain was empty, not thinking about anything but his presence and being inside her.
It felt like a deer caught in the headlights, clueless and innocent.
Heeseung smirked, watching her stare back but not knowing what to say. She appeared so pure it made him want to kiss her over and over again, fully swallow her in smooches and happiness.
He ran his fingers through her hair and pulled her face towards him again, this time gently kissing her neck.
Her wet lips brushed against his neck, quietly puffing and huffing. Her saliva was pooling on his shoulder since she rested her face on it, unintentionally drooling from the sensation.
Neither of them had any intention of stopping, wanting this moment to be eternal. When he saw how much she was enjoying herself, when he felt how aroused she was and how much he was giving her pleasure his lips curled into a satisfied smile.
His hands moved back from her cheeks to her hips again, squeezing her waist. His kisses still moved along her neck, his tongue occasionally nibbling at her collarbone and leaving it slightly red from the small love bites.
She was drunk-dazed from his love and affection, from his kisses and touch, from his presence. One man was enough to wreck your entire world over and gather it up back, and that was Lee Heeseung.
"I love you," he muttered.
Nothing else was on his mind other than how gorgeous she looked, how incredible she felt, and how good it was to see every expression on her face from pleasure to satisfaction.
"Say it again," she murmured into his ear, wrapping her arms around his neck.
"You want me to.. say it again?" he asked, his voice a bit playful, yet his smile warm and genuine.
He moved his tongue to the side of her neck, running it from her ear to her collarbone, kissing it softly.
"I love you."
"Again," she smiled, closing her eyes from the exhaustion.
Heeseung chuckled, caressing her cheeks and running his fingers through her hair.
"Hmm, should I?" He teased, his voice mischievous.
"Should I say it again?" His breath and hand fondled her neck with marks.
"Mhm," she nodded, lazily dragging her lips on his neck.
"I love you..." he breathed out, moving his lips down until they reached hers.
"How many times do you want me to say it?"
"Until the day I die," she mumbled, eyelids shut and mouth still drooling, body completely relaxed and leaning against his.
"I love you," he repeated, giving you a light kiss.
"I love you." Another kiss
"I love you." Another one.
"I love you." The last one, slightly rougher than the rest.
"How much, though?" her eyelids open a little, giving him a tired, but extremely seductive look, the one he lost himself in each time.
"Hmm.. let me think," he chuckled, feeling the hotness mounting in himself from her look alone.
"If I could, I would take all of your pain away and replace it with the happiness you deserve. I would give you the whole world just to see you smile in my arms every day. I would give my life to make yours wonderful. I would sacrifice anything just so you can feel safe and loved. "
She whimpered at his words, eyes watering and insides rolling over. Her nails dug into his back again, hiding her flushed, red face in his shoulder.
"I would fight for you and protect you with my life, not allow anyone to hurt you ever again. I would fondle you in love and affection, from the moment you open your eyes till you close them," Heeseung breathed out, her scent intoxicating him.
"S-stop," she whinced in pleasure, eyes rolling back. The more he spoke, the closer she was to cumming, his words messing up her insides.
"You're my world, my life, my home, my reason to breathe every day. I want to take care of you and protect you, make you happy, and keep you warm every single time you feel cold or sad," his breathing shallowed as he spoke, feeling incredibly turned on by her reaction.
"E-enough," she pulled back, throwing her head back. He grabbed her wrists, not allowing her to escape his love.
"Never," he responded, pulling her back into his arms.
"I want to be with you all the time, I want to feel your body against mine, I want to make you feel loved, I want you to be mine and me to be yours until we die."
"S-shut u-up," she stuttered out, knowing she was minutes away from her orgasm.
"Why would I stop? " he asked, moving his thumb over her shoulder, circling and brushing her skin with the slight graze of a nail, leaving little marks on her skin.
He was also close to his climax, so he was more determined to finish the job than ever. His body tightened around her and his kissing became more profound and stronger.
"You need to hear the truth," he hissed in her ear, clasping her buttocks in his hands, pushing her onto his dick.
"H-Heseung, I'm gonna-" she trembled, biting onto his shoulder to keep her loud moans in.
"Don't hold it in," his mouth ran along her shoulder and her arm, the marks getting darker with every kiss.
"Cum with me, please," she pleaded urgently as if her life mattered to it.
"I will, don't worry," he kissed her cheek, caressing her head.
Without another minute, her nails dug deeper, her pussy trapping his shaft in her fully. Her walls spasmed in a periodic pattern, sucking him in. Her clear cum glistened his shaft, wrapping him in its warmth and comfort.
"Good girl," he whispered, his jaw twitching slightly. He wrapped both of his arms tighter and pulled her into a messy kiss.
His release followed up right after, managing to pull out just in time to cover her abdomen in his crystal white load. He panted as his fingers traced his cum on her stomach, spreading it all across her.
His other hand gently laid her down, licking all of his mess off of her, the same way he did with her own.
Perhaps it was the overstimulation he loved to observe on her or the fact that she clung to him more after cumming. Either way, he didn't stop rolling his wet tongue along her body.
"My good girl," Heeseung whispered into her slick hole, pushing his tongue inside to slurp up all of her cum like it was a treat.
Did he love her? Yes.
However, was he a bit of a sadist? Yes.
A low moan escaped his lips as he felt his mouth filled with her cum, his free hand gripping hers tightly.
"H-hee."
He lifted his stare, landing on her adorable one, beseeching him to hug her.
"You look so cute when you’re all tired like this, Y/N," he smirked, a faint peck landing on her cheek. His hand intertwined with her, the other playing with her hair.
Sometimes, the amount of love he harvested for her managed to surprise him, finding himself falling apart in her touch and gaze.
"H-hee," she whispered, closing her eyes. She tried to fight her exhaustion, but it was starting to get to her.
He saw how drowsy she looked, so he pulled her tighter to his body.
"Go to sleep. I'll be right here when you wake up," he kissed her, his voice very relaxed and comforting.
"You promise?" she murmured, half asleep on his chest.
"I promise," he assured, kissing her forehead and tucking her against him, pressing her body against his.
His hands stayed on her side, keeping her safely in his warm embrace.
"Until the day I die."
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Taglist: @end-hyphen, @hee-pster, @jakeswifeyy, @gegeetime, @heerated, @jayked, @forjongseong, @enhastolemyheart
𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐧! ^^
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@maggstar
#minors: dni#enhypen hard hours#enhypen hard thoughts#enhypen smut#heeseung smut#enhypen imagines#enhypen headcanons#enhypen drabbles
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PAC: Is Your Circle Trustworthy?
Hello beautiful people! I am so sorry for the wait, I've been busy with just enjoying what life has to offer. I really hope that you all are doing good! Today's reading is inspired by the people that are/were in my life that I've considered friends. I think that we all go through a period of time where we're questioning the people in our circles. Maybe it's because we're going through a period of transition, experiencing successes, experiencing painful moments, etc. I think that there is nothing wrong with this because we're all human at the end of the day. What aligns with us will stay, what doesn't will go. Also, please check out my Five Dollar Friday sale. It would mean a lot to me! Thank you! So with that being said, please pick the quote that resonates with you, my dear!
Top Left-to-Bottom Right: (1-4)
Pile One: I think some of you work in an elderly home/nursing home. Maybe you’re working on getting your degree in nursing. I heard the line from Beyonce’s ‘Hold Up’ where she says “Something don’t feel right / ‘Cause it ain’t right”. I don’t think you guys have a good discernment. You don’t trust yourself so in return, you attract some questionable people. I get the feeling that you guys are like the friend that doesn’t know how to say no, so you end up getting taken advantage of. You guys remind me of a friend that I had once. I think that you need to start owning your power, realizing your worth. You can do this by spending more time by yourself. Once you start seeing how people interact with you as you step into your true self, you will see who stays and who will go. There is nothing wrong with a fresh start. You need to get real though. You need to clean house, babe. Nothing is permanent, so don’t force yourself to stick in a situation that you don’t need to be in.
Cards Used: 8 of Swords (RX), The Moon, The Devil, Queen of Discs, Strength, 4 of Swords, The Chariot.
extras: “the underdog”. independent not by choice. meditation. saturn in the 1st house. looking at the moon. empire (2015). solar system. planetarium. “they don’t wanna see me smile”. oh happy day.
Pile Two: I feel like you guys are going to a concert soon. You could have made up with a friend that you fell out with and now you’re wondering if they have good intentions this time. They have changed for the better, I see. It takes two to tango is the energy that I am getting from this. There’s no fingers to point here. You both did your dirt but after some time apart, you’ve come to acknowledge your part in the ending of the friendship. I think that you guys have a good circle around you within this friendship and outside of your friendship. But you guys do not need to befriend your co-workers. Keep that to a minimum. This goes for any classmates that you think are cool too, lol. I see that you’ll be turned off by their behavior very quickly. But you have a good circle overall, just don’t let your ego ruin your friendships. Check yourself before you wreck yourself.
Cards Used: 5 of Swords, 6 of Swords, Ace of Cups, 9 of Cups, Temperance, The Sun.
extras: childhood best friends. autism. “stand back!” thumbs down. 2009. new boyz.
Pile Three: For this pile, I heard “divinely orchestrated”. I think your circle is perfect just the way it is. You are spiritually bonded to the people that are your friends right now. They have pure intentions. This could be your chosen family. You’ve chosen correctly. For some of you, your circle consists of mostly your biological family. Your guides approve of the people around you so much. I think that you will be lifelong friends with these people. I am seeing some distance between you and these people though, physical distance to be exact. Did you move or are you planning to move? I feel like your circle wants you to make the move if you haven’t. They see that you are bored and fed up with your current environment. They will always be there for you. You’re right where you need to be and you have the support around you, just do it!
Cards Used: Temperance, 10 of Pentacles, 7 of Discs, King of Cups, The Hierophant, Ace of Discs.
extras: polaroid cameras. divinity. todrick hall. twitter memes. “fall flat”. chasing fame. smalltown girl.
Pile Four: At one point, your circle was perfect for you. But I think that you have outgrown it. I feel like at the beginning of this friendship, you were insecure. Perhaps, you and these other people bonded over traumas or a common enemy/disdain for something. Maybe you were both impulsive teenagers who hated the world. Now, you don’t want this friendship in your life anymore. You’ve done some soul searching. This person is still on the same shit. Now there is some tension that has risen between the two of you. You want more for yourself, but this person doesn’t. If you don’t cut this person/these people off, they will take you down with them. I feel like this person is immature. They lack the emotional maturity to see how their lack of growth is detrimental to this friendship. They don’t really appreciate it like they should. I feel like this person has ego trips that you’re just now noticing. I heard, “Don’t save her / She don’t wanna be saved”. This person is judgmental and it’s best that you get away from them for your own good. I am channeling the energy of Nancy from The Craft. This person could be doing witchcraft on you if you know they engage in that stuff. Be careful, Pile Four.
Cards Used: Judgment, The Empress (RX), Justice, 2 of Discs, The Moon, The Hierophant (RX), 10 of Discs, The Hermit.
extras: beignets. spiritual/religious awakening. take me to church by hozier. army-bound. powerful.
#law of assumption#manifesting#neville goddard#tarotreading#hoodoo#astro notes#pick a card#pick a pile#divination#tarot#tarot community#tarot tumblr#black tarot readers#tarot witch#daily tarot#free tarot#tarot cards#tarot reading#tarot deck#pick a reading#tarot pick a card#tarot pac#paid readings#pac reading#divination readings#future spouse reading#channeled reading#intuitive readings#love reading#occult
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Humans are weird: Poop Crystals
( Please come see me on my new patreon and support me for early access to stories and personal story requests :D https://www.patreon.com/NiqhtLord Every bit helps)
The pace in which human technology progressed over the millennia was rather standard for a class 4 species. Even when accounting the periods of scientific degradation which resulted from natural plagues or religious persecution; it was expected that humans would not achieve advanced space travel until another 2-3 thousand years had passed.
Scientifically speaking human scientists were well more advanced than the society they lived in, but due to the technological limitations of the human race they were held back from implementing their designs. A primary limitation was the lack of a sufficiently powerful power source. They did have many different forms of power generators ranging from solar to nuclear, but to power larger machines often required equally large energy sources. To power their ships alone around a third of their vessels were dedicated to the power cores.
With these restrictions in place travel between stars for humans often relied on decade long journeys in cryo sleep; which ironically required even more power generators to maintain. Their large size made them easy targets for natural disasters such as space debris or prowling space pirates seeking an easy profit margin at the slave markets. These dangers became a standard for human travel until the Terran civilization encountered the planet Nolla 987 and the species that called it home.
During a long duration colonization trip the human ship “Midas” was struck by the trail debris of a rogue comet and knocked off course. The robotic caretakers tried their best to maintain the course, but with the damage done to the ship their primary programming to maintain the lives of the crew kicked in and diverted the ship to the nearest habitable planet for debarkation. Nolla 987 was the closest planet with a stable atmosphere. Originally charted several years earlier but deemed unsuitable for colonization or industrial expansion, it was not ear marked for either and left alone; until the Midas incident that is.
The landing was not a smooth one. Several engines had been damaged and multiple hull breaches resulted in portions of the ship being shredded away during the entry process. It would be safer to say that the Midas crash landed during the final stretch of the maneuver, but with a 73% survival rate of the crew a rather acceptable crash landing.
One by one the crew and colonists were unfrozen to find the ship a burning wreck and only a handful of robotic assistants still functioning. The industrial printing machines were relatively undamaged but without the ships power core they could not be used to print components or tools needed to make the necessary repairs. The crew was then forced to ration its remaining power supply and divided into two teams. The first team would comb through the wreckage and salvage what they could of the wreck while also building shelter. The second group would scout the surrounding area for anything of use and then report back.
It did not take long for the second team to stumble upon a nest of the dominant species of the planet. An insectoid called the “Sectar” which ranged from the size of a house cat to as large as a two story building. These insects digested their food and excreted the waste into a dense crystalian substance that they then used to build massive hive like complexes.
The occupants of the hive had been driven from the hive by the crash landing of the Midas leaving it almost completely empty save for a few eggs and new hatchlings who were not strong enough to flee on their own. Several of the second team members had been scanning the crystal structures while interacting with the newborn Sectar’s. To quote a journal entry of one of them, “They were like insect golden retrievers. Extremely derpy with at least four times as many sets of eyes. They followed us around on their legs like we were their mothers and clung to our legs when we began to return to our ship for the night.”
At least one of the second team was confirmed to have brought a hatchling back to their camp. There was a debate amongst the survivors on if they should try and eat it, but the notion was quickly squashed as they still had food reserves and no one was brave enough to see how the alien’s bio matter would react inside the human digestive system.
The same human who had brought the hatchling back offered it a portion of food which it eagerly ate. Not long after the hatchling excreted a hardened crystal roughly the size of a thimble. When the human made to pick up the seemingly beautiful gem they recoiled as an electrical discharge shocked their hand. This immediately drew the attention of the rest of the crew who began carefully examining the crystal substance. After some rather rough jury-rigging, the crystal was wired into one of the printer machines and to the surprise of everyone powered the machine. The crew quickly learned that the older Sectar’s would produce larger crystal excrements but were extremely hostile and territorial. Smaller Sectar’s were deemed more desirable for the time being as they were easier to train and harvest crystals from.
Within a matter of days the crew had not only collected enough crystals to power all of their machines and send out a distress signal, but also used the new found crystal power to create a full settlement on the planet complete with water filtration, crop fields, and a sizeable wall to keep out the native wildlife.
It would not be for another thirty years before a passing human shipped picked up their distress signal and went to investigate the planet. When they arrived on Nolla 987 they were astonished to find a fully functioning colony complete with limited orbital facilities. Nearly every human settler and their descendants had a Sectar in their household that they would take care of and feed and in exchange use their crystal excrement to power nearly everything they needed to live.
From there it was only a matter of time before the entirety of human space was aware of the events of Nolla 987 and the Sectar species. Within the decade the colony on Nolla 987 became the capital for a fully settled world with dozens of cities and communities. The Sectar species were transported throughout human space and began being implemented in all aspects of society.
There was initial resistance to the new power source by existing power blocks which realized Sectar power would be far more efficient than nuclear powered engines, but unlike other power sources they had squashed in development the Sectar power option had thirty years of trial and error to back it up with research as well as a fully functioning model with the planet of Nolla 987.
Sectar’s became a common sight on every human planet and were treated like common pets. It was even studied that when introduced to different food sources the energy output of crystal excrement could be increased resulting in certain food industries booming overnight. The composition of spices, cooking technique, and flavoring became an entirely new and highly prestigious academic field with the most successful of its practitioners being highly sought after by companies.
The technological capabilities of humanity experienced a massive surge in advancement within fifty years to the point humans no longer needed cryo ships to travel between stars. Those who had been studying humanity found themselves now being introduced to them as humans winded up on their doorstep with a Sectar on their shoulder and a perverse obsession with collecting its bodily waste.
#humans are insane#humans are weird#humans are space oddities#humans are space orcs#scifi#story#writing#original writing#niqhtlord01#funny
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I’m TIRED of seeing people love Ganymede but hate on Europa and acting like Europa is the worst villian, people don’t understand her, and you know what they don’t understand Ganymede EITHER!! They’re so much more interesting together than ppl realise.
Sure, they’re both the ring-leaders of the moon-revolution, but they want different outcomes from it. Ganymede. Biggest moon in the solar system and he makes sure people know that. I think the quote of him saying “we’re amongst the biggest moons in the entire solar system!” best describes him. He puts himself on a pedestal from other moons because of his size. The exact thing a lot of the moons resent the planets for. What Ganymede wants is respect for himself. He even mentions how he only bothers to remember 4 moons names and doesn’t see it as an issue. He gets names wrongs, constantly brings up how he’s big, he's self-centered… His attitude is just like the planets, his only difference is that he isn’t one.
He’s hypocritical and that's great! That’s what makes him so interesting.
Europa on the other hand is the smallest out of their little ‘A-Team’. And because of this she’s shown to be the most empathetic towards the smaller moons. She wants an actual change for these moons. She’s bothered by how Jupiter doesn’t care if the other moons were missing, when she asks him if he’ll be alright without them she dislikes the answer that he can’t even feel them there.
While Ganymede doesn’t even care to remember the other names of Jupiter’s moons, Europa goes to mention the smaller moons like her :) and she seems happy about it. Ganymede even nearly loses all of Saturn’s moons support because of his ego, it’s only because of Europa actually giving them a voice that they decide to join.
Europa is part of the moons that have lived under the shadow of the planets, Ganymede? Not so much.
Not that I’m not defending her actions but she at least has more of a right to be bitter.
Anyways They’re fun together :) Europa is a lot better at actually getting people to consider their cause, but Ganymede has the assertiveness to make you feel like you can do it. I love them. Really interesting characters!! SO STOP HATING ON EUROPA.
#stop villanizing Europa u all hate women im calling u out#solarballs#solarballs europa#solarballs ganymede#hooo boy has it been a while since ive been this annoying abt a char but UGH no one gets it#talking#i cld also go on and on abt ganymede i love ganymede I like how he mirrors titan in a way. Jupiters fav but he likes jupiter and his#spotlight LOL
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Unwanted: Chapter 2, Unspeakable - Pt. 1
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Fem!Reader
Summary: When your FWB relationship with your best friend Bucky Barnes turns into something more, you couldn’t be happier. That is, however, until a new Avenger sets her sights on your super soldier and he inadvertently breaks your heart. You take on a mission you might not be prepared for to put some distance between the two of you and open yourself up to past traumas. Too bad the only one who can help you heal is the one person you can no longer trust.
Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language, mentions of alcohol, longing looks/touches, this part's mostly fluff, ngl.
Word Count: 1.1k
Previously On...: And from that night, you and Bucky became best friends. Because there are some things you can't share without ending up liking each other, and the stuff of your nightmares was one of them.
A/N: I thought the Harry Potter quote was appropriate to bastardize for the Previously On... Don't come for me, lol
Banner By: The absolutely amazing @mrsbuckybarnes1917
Taglist: (Please let me know if you’d like to be added!) @blackhawkfanatic @les-sel @marcswife21
From that night on, Bucky found every excuse he could to touch you. It was as though, after so many years of nothing but cold cruelty, he had become addicted to the warmth and softness of your skin. You didn't mind in the least; you liked the way he wrapped his arm around your stomach and rested his chin in the crook of your shoulder when he came up behind you, or the way he pulled your hand onto his thigh and traced the lines of your palm with his index finger while you watched TV in the common room, side by side.
One afternoon, you were standing in front of a monitor in your lab, lost in thought as the numbers from your latest algorithm trial ran across the screen. So immersed were you in the data that you didn't notice the form coming up behind you until two hands grabbed you by the waist, lifting you up and spinning you.
Without thinking, your years of training kicked in, like flipping on a switch. You stomped down, hard, on the top of your assailant's foot with your heel, while simultaneously throwing your elbow back into their solar plexus. The attacker let out a low "Oof" and released their hold on you, giving you the opportunity to drop your weight low and spin on your toes to face them.
Bucky stood stooped before you, one hand clutching his abdomen where your elbow had made contact, the other hand held up in surrender. The other hand?
"Jesus Christ, Buck!" you panted. "You scared the shit out of me!"
"I was trying to surprise you, you hell beast," Bucky said, though he was smiling. Rubbing the tender spot of nerves you had so artfully disturbed, he asked "Where'd you learn to fight so dirty?"
"Krav Maga," you beamed, pleased that you'd managed to get a hit on a super soldier, even if Bucky hadn't been actually attacking you. "Care to tell me how you managed to end up with two fucking arms?"
Now it was Buck's turn to beam at you as he held out his new left arm for your perusal. You took the hand, inspecting it. Black metal gleamed in the light of your lab. You turned the arm over, admiring the craftsmanship. "This is a thing of beauty, Buck," you murmured, trailing your fingers along the gold veins that ran through the metal. Bucky involuntarily shivered at your touch. "You can feel that?" you asked him, awestruck. He nodded, his face awash in delight.
You leaned in to examine it more closely. If you didn't know any better, you'd say it was... But, no, it couldn't be– "Bucky," you said in astonishment, looking up to meet his eye, "is this vibranium?"
Bucky grinned from ear to ear, looking like a little boy who had gotten just what he'd asked for for Christmas. "It was a gift. From the Wakandans, for helping them capture Helmut Zemo." Bucky seemed almost shy at revealing why the Wakandans had gifted him the arm, as though he was still uncomfortable with being acknowledged for doing good instead of being blamed for committing evil.
"This..." you started, at a loss for words. "Bucky, this is amazing! The Wakandans are the most technologically advanced nation on the planet. This makes the arm I've been working on look like a fucking stick."
Bucky cocked his head and studied you as you studied the vibranium appendage. "You were making me an arm, doll?" he asked, throat choked on emotion.
You looked up at him, a blush of color rising to your cheeks. "Well, I was trying to. I wasn't going to say anything until I knew it would work; I didn't want to get your hopes up, but this... this is worlds better than anything I could have manufactured."
Bucky gently pulled his metal arm from your hand and used it to cup your cheek, instead. You leaned into the cool, hard metal. "That's the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me," he murmured. You gave him a soft smile.
"You're one of my best friends, and you deserve all the good things," you told him with a shrug of your shoulder. "Including two functioning arms."
Bucky pulled you into a hug and you returned his embrace, relishing in the feeling of being completely held by him. "I don't know what I'd do without you, Pocket," he said into the top of your head.
You pulled back to look up at him. "Well, hopefully, you'll never have to find out." You stayed like that for a few moments longer, neither of you willing to be the first to let go. "You know what," you said, eventually pulling away from him, "we should celebrate."
Bucky looked down at you with a glint in his eye. "Celebrate, huh? What should we do?"
"Anything you want," you told him, moving out of the cage of his arms. Arms. You still couldn't believe it. "It's your arm we're celebrating."
He studied you for a moment, and there was a look in his eyes you couldn't quite decipher. As the heat of Bucky's gaze lingered on you, a shiver ran down your spine. There was something different about the way he looked at you now, something that made your heart race and your palms grow sweaty. It was as if every fiber of his being was focused solely on you, his eyes tracing every contour of your face with an almost alarming intensity.
"Can we start those Hobbit movies?" he asked.
"That's how you want to celebrate?" you smiled up at him. "You're such a fucking nerd. Yeah, we can absolutely do that. Oh, shit--" you remembered. "It's Girls' Night tonight. It’s fine– I can skip it."
"No," said Bucky, and the look he'd been giving you had vanished, leaving you to wonder if you'd simply imagined it to begin with, "go to Girls' Night. I know how much you look forward to those."
"I said we'd celebrate, and I want to celebrate," you insisted. "I can bow out of Girls' Night early. I'll just pop in, have one glass of wine, and then I'll be all yours; they can manage without me for a night."
Bucky hit you with his devil-charming grin. "All mine?" he asked, a mischievous lilt to his voice.
Rolling your eyes, you playfully slapped at his chest. "You know what I mean, asshat."
"Another dollar in the jar," he tsked.
"Get the fuck out of here and let me get back to work," you said with a laugh, shooing him away. You followed him with your eyes as he made his way to the door. Right before he went through, he turned around and looked back over at you, giving you a parting smile before walking off.
<- Previous Chapter / Next Part ->
#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes x y/n#bucky x you#bucky x reader#bucky fanfic#bucky barnes#bucky barnes fanfic#bucky x female reader#bucky barnes fic#bucky barnes fanfiction#james bucky buchanan barnes#james buchanan barnes#mcu bucky barnes#james barnes#bucky x y/n
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🎊 Gifts for our NEW YEAR 🎊
PAC
Disclaimer: people I am doing this in all seriousness and all and no it's not for entertainment purposes but ya collective readings so take what resonates
Pile 1. Pile2.
Pile 3. Pile4.
Pile 1❄️❄️🤍
We keep this love in photographs, so if you wanna buy cameras or just capture moments please go ahead and buy it it will give you lots of joy pile 1 new year could be looking as just any new year coming but you know that things are gonna change and maybe the people you are close with now will have to move and you too to other places so cherish this moments.Are you all joining colleges??or like your graduation is being done anyway congrats wishing you absolutely the best .
Maybe you will take the road less taken which will have its own uncertainty but for sure it's gonna be so worth it ,okay first of all whatever type of exams or test you are planning for they gonna give you your desired or expected results and you could be seeing true faces of your close mates and if you feel that you get easily evil eye or affected by others energies don't worry your guides are there to protect you ,this year you could have on issue in financial matter you are being in open to receive energy I see a energetic shit around you and you actually coming into limelight (attention song being played)you definitely should check your solar return chart could bein fire asc sign ok
And I am seeing or more of sensing lot's of puppy love energy so ya talking stages could happen and you ending up liking someone all over just enjoy your "up in the poppy hills" movie vibe so here comes the end of a eventful year wishing you all the best guys take care 💓
Oracle cards: Give it sometime approx 3 to 4 months,the more you live the less you worry,luck is in your favour,My gurl is the prettiest,Be careful with the people you choose
Please comment on your 2024 wishes and reblog means alot
Pile 2❤️🩹🥀
Some of you could be getting married or just getting your"THE ONE" for you if you wanted to meet your soul tribe and have been manifesting some wholesome human bond well I am pleased to tell you , you're making some lifetime connections this year , lots of self care products buying specifically perfumes and scented products if 2023 has been the pain the upcoming one will heal all those wounds and the word hork you thought no one saw wanna check some parts of pile 1?? I would recommend there could be a message for you there
Look you need to stop procrastinating!!!like if we wand our desires to turn into reality we need to put some action okkk and studyyyyy like when you study just put your focus on it if need then gurl you have to read it again n ugh that's more tiring.being more organised and balance is always a gift for you this year and a quote for you is "sometimes rejection is protection in disguise"so just jio lol even if it's your lala world I just said a paradox bit don't come to me fantasy and reality just need a little balance and we are good with it.
If you love gloomy weather then congrats you could experience it alot this year.I think you tend to underestimate your intuition and when it turns out right you regret so this year all about working on this and believing ourselves more then others 💗💗
Oracle cards: make a priority list,oh lala it's a love story, it's a yes, please zindagi jiyo baba...,study remember it's "you reap what you sow".
Please comment on your 2024 wishes and reblog means alot
Pile 3📸🦋
My Roman Empire is..... Idk lol.So travels travels and lots of travels in the list 😸 are you planning to fulfill your bucket list or something kya pile 3 anyway you could start talking again with a dear one with whom you could have stopped interacting or cut ties.Having a reunion of some kind being on backpack this could be the highlight of your year sudden plans being made you shifting family dynamics being changed
You again starting to learn alottt like an instrument, occult knowledge,your ancestors, about the world human body and many moreee.Having watermelon with closed ones on a beach or family farm haa such a vibe and keeping your room clean so it does not look like a messy place
Honestly I don't want to touch this past but somewhere along the line if you started feeling that it's hard uk to be happy like genuinely feel so content of life and kinda just at the starting stage of depression well this year is gonna prove your fact so wrong love muah muah have my love ok💓💓
On a side note your Cooking is good please try more
Oracle cards: Are you pretending love,the fingers create magic , living life king size , friends are the bigger enemy.
Please comment on your 2024 wishes and reblog means alot
Pile 4🪴🦓
Headache ahh you could be having them a bit this year ya but but it's because of all the packed schedule you need to get done with which you will be doing for not overthinking about "this" situation of yours someone from past could come back now it's upto you what you will do with them (it seems romantic connection btw).
Do you put this "I don't care" attitude I see you gotta change this one as there will be things you have to be responsible for alot this year.Emotionally you could be working on yourself listening to podcasts and actually making opinions of yours not just blindly following whatever is being said .you confused about something?? honestly sameee sorry for this just that your biggest gift could be knowing yourself more and handling just how you show yourself to the world
Oracle cards: posh lifestyle,lose yourself a little bit, it's not worth it,it worth trying,you know the answer
Please comment on your 2024 wishes and reblog means alot
Wishing you all a very happy New year 🧿🧿🤍
Pls message me my ishman fam i need someone to talk about them 🤌🤌
#moon child#witch community#astrology#baby witch#tarot reading#spiritualguidance#athena swords#pick a pile#pac#pac list#tarot deck#tarot cards#tarot readings#tarotblr#tarotcommunity#pile 3#pile 2#tbr pile#piles#choose one#pick and choose#athena#ishman#ict#ishan kishan#shubmangill
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I just read Unwelcome Ozian's "Rules of Programming," and Oh Boy.
For those who don't know, Unwelcome Ozian is a conspiracy theorist on Tumblr who purports himself as a kind of guide for people who believe themselves to be programmed multiples - that is, people with deliberately-induced dissociative identity disorder, with alters carefully programmed for specific purposes by means of brutal torture methods. His claims are largely based on the work of Fritz Springmeier and Cisco Wheeler, two far-right conspiracy theorists who spun this whole mythology about an ancient satanic cult that uses torture to put people under what they referred to as "trauma-based mind control," or TBMC. (They also claimed that the fight for gay rights was part of the plan to enthrone the Antichrist in the year 2000, and that Al Gore carried around a briefcase full of blood to drink. That's the level of credibility they're on.)
There have also been a number of abuse allegations (including allegations of sexual abuse) against Unwelcome Ozian from those who came to him for help, so yeah. Also, he really hates Svali (another conspiracy theorist working from Springmeier and Wheeler's mythos) for some reason.
Rules of Programming effectively distills a lot of the stuff you find in the works of Springmeier and Wheeler, with the addition of some actual scholarly concepts/research plus some pop-psychology/pop-self help style lists of things programmers supposedly do to their victims. (A lot of the things it talks about are just regular forms of authoritarian abuse, gaslighting, scapegoating, etc. In fact, some of them even appear to be copied from Internet articles.)
Essentially, this book is yet another modern witch finder's manual, giving anyone who wants to find diabolical witches a set of unfalsifiable criteria that will always appear to confirm their presence. Like the work of Springmeier and Wheeler, its descriptions of torture are just evocative enough to play on the imaginations of people who may not be in the best mental shape and fuel the creation of confabulated memories. (Some of which may very well be mingling with memories of real abuse.)
Oh, and just to be clear, we do have very clear cases of confabulated memories - you can see them for yourself here and here. If you don't want to click the links, the tl;dr is that the New Age movement is chock full of people who very vividly "remember" past lives in pseudohistorical settings and locations that never existed, and some of these "memories" are quite vivid and disturbing.
So, here's some notable stuff from this book:
Marijuana is supposedly contraindicated for programming purposes. (This claim was made by Springmeier and Wheeler in How The Illuminati Creates A Total Undetectable Mind Controlled Slave, but it goes back to Cathy O'Brien and Mark Philips.)
Victims are allegedly given types of programming such as heart of stone programming and color, gem, and flower programming. (These were first described by Springmeier and Wheeler in They Know Not What They Do: Illustrated Guide To Illuminati Mind Control.)
Handlers must allegedly present themselves as omnipotent and god-like to victims. But they may also manipulate their victims by threatening suicide. (These two things really don't go together, especially if the cult as hardass as it's claimed to be.)
Alleged behavior of programmers - "Teach children self-betrayal, i.e. show gratitude and humility for punishments and insults." This is literally just how authoritarian Christian parents expect you to behave when punished. (Again, most of the things programmers supposedly do are just things that regular abusers do, period.)
He talks about practices such as anchoring and future pacing, which are described by Springmeier and Wheeler in How The Illuminati Create A Total Undetectable Mind Controlled Slave.
Direct quote, "For example if a programmer builds a system using the planets of the solar system there will be alters with planet names, and space terminology used." Compare with "In recent years, these have been solar systems, galaxies, and planets, because they have gone to Star Trek, Star Wars, Alien types of programming" from How The Illuminati Create A Total Undetectable Mind Controlled Slave. Again, it's the same mythology.
He claims epsilon programming is used to create animal alters and describes how they're allegedly created. The stuff he describes can be found in How The Illuminati Create A Total Undetectable Mind Controlled Slave.
He lists off a bunch of stuff that's supposedly trauma-based mind control spiritual abuse. In reality, it's just regular spiritual abuse - for example, "the programmer/handler is in a ‘divine’ position," "misuse of scripture to control behaviour," and "appeal to the work of evil spirits as explanations for the child’s behaviour."
About that last one? A very similar line appears in the article Part 2: The characteristics of spiritual abuse: "Appeal to the work of evil spirits as explanations for the victim’s accusations or behaviour." The earliest archived version of this page is from 2017. The Rules of Programming was published in May of 2023.
The book's text on cultivating a trauma bond includes several items that appear to be slightly reworded text from Dr. Joseph M Carver's article Love and Stockholm Syndrome: The Mystery of Loving an Abuser (first archived on the Wayback Machine in 2015). For example, "The presence of a perceived small kindness from the handler to the child" (RoP)/"The presence of a perceived small kindness from the abuser to the victim" (Carver).
The book's text "Seeking/finding pleasure in the presence of extreme danger, violence, risk or shame" is also found in the article Impact on Abused Persons, which cites a 1997 book, The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships.
A bunch of stuff associated with toxic relationships are rephrased as stuff associated with being a victim of TBMC.
The book claims that some "programmed responses" might be "They are only like that because they love me," "You wouldn’t understand," "They will make it up to me later," and "It’s my fault, I make them angry." This text can be found in the 2021 article, The Misconception of Trauma Bonding.
The book lists some benefits of playing chess (for example, "Playing chess can improve cognitive skills like memory, planning, and problem-solving") that appear verbatim in the Healthline article The 9 Best Benefits of Playing Chess.
Some text (for example, "Trauma can shut down episodic memory and fragment the sequence of events") appears to have been copied from the 2017 infographic, How Trauma Impacts Four Different Types of Memory.
Material from changingminds.org appears to have been copied into this book. For example, the text "Agreement over rules typically starts with generalised rules with which it is hard to disagree" can also be found on the page titled Confession, with the slight difference that "generalised" is spelled with a Z. (Its earliest archived version dates to 2004.)
The book claims, "Torture involving states of extreme pain and terror, to the point of near-death, is required to install programming." This inadvertently reveals the absurdity of the alter programming conspiracy theory, because in the real world millions of abusers and cult leaders manipulate and control people with far less dramatic methods every day. Even if alter programming was a real thing, it would be so pointlessly overcomplicated that you'd have to ask yourself why so many people would bother with it.
The book describes a number of abuses and tortures that pretty obviously stem back to European witch panic, including "desecration of Judeo-Christian beliefs and forms of worship," taboo sex, ritual cannibalism, and dedication to Satan.
The book includes the "Steps on Obedience," which are found in Svali's older writings. Additionally, some of the text seems to be copied from Svali's old writing with minor modification. For example, The Rules of Programming says, "The part/alter is placed in a room without any sensory stimulus. The room will have grey, white, or beige walls. The programmer leaves the part/alter alone for specified lengths of time: these times may vary from hours (2-3) (3-5), to days as the child grows older." Compare with Svali: "The small toddler/child is placed in a room without any sensory stimulus, usually a training room with gray, white, or beige walls. The adult leaves and the child is left alone, for periods of time: these may vary from hours, to an entire day as the child grows older."
The book gives a list of supposed secret meanings to perfectly normal hand gestures, which is very obviously sourced from How The Illuminati Create A Total Undetectable Mind Controlled Slave. (RoP: "Hands locked folded interwoven backward - - you can’t break “the circle”". HTICATUMS: "Hands locked folded interwoven backward--you can’t break "the circle"")
The book claims that programmers will write down detailed documentation after each programming session, describing exactly how the session went and what should be done at the next session. Additionally, block reports are supposedly written every four weeks, which summarize the whole thing. This is noteworthy because if this conspiracy theory was actually true, this type of documentation would have come to light at some point by now. The fact that is has never turned up in all of the years alter programming has allegedly been practiced (since the mid-20th century or since ancient times, depending on who you ask) is incredibly damning.
(Break here because this list is reaching Tumblr's text block limit.)
Some text (for example, "A Place in the World. One never need 'find' his or her place because in fact that type of autonomy is not allowed! There is often a false egalitarianism which disguises competition" and "Mystical Manipulation. False origin stories or very selective accounts are given about the leader to demonstrate divine authority, spiritual advancement") seems to have been copied from the article Communal Abuse and Cults (earliest archived version: 2017).
Some text (for example, "Change Of Diet: Creating disorientation and increased susceptibility to emotional arousal by depriving the nervous system of necessary nutrients through the use of special diets and/or fasting" and "Hypnosis: Inducing a high state of suggestibility, often thinly disguised as relaxation or meditation") seems to have been copied from Brainwashing & Mind Control Techniques (earliest archived version: 2004).
Some text (for example, "Sins, as defined by the leader, are confessed either to a personal monitor or publicly to the group" and "Sacred Science: The group's doctrine or ideology is considered to be the ultimate truth, beyond all questioning or dispute") appear to be sourced from Robert Jay Lifton's eight criteria of thought reform. (Originally written in 1989.)
The text "Crafty redefinition of existing words (and the definition of new ones) to powerful euphemisms, secret codes, renamings, buzzwords, chants and mantras, ‘speaking in tongues,’ forced silence, even hashtags" may have been sourced from Cultish’s Exploration of Manipulative Language (originally posted in 2021), or from Amanda Montell's book, Cultish: The Language of Fanaticism.
Some text (for example, "The group devoutly believes it will be the ultimate winner of the final battle" and "Lack Of Restraint: Leaders believe themselves to be free from religious and social laws") appears to have been sourced from Doomsday Religious Movements - Canadian Security Intelligence Report (dated December 18, 1999).
The text "Glittering Generalities: These are intense, emotionally appealing words so closely associated with highly valued concepts and beliefs that the appeals are convincing without being supported by fact or reason. The appeals are directed toward such emotions as love of country and home, and desire for peace, freedom, glory, and honour" appears to come from Wikipedia.
"Name-calling: Name-calling seeks to arouse prejudices in an audience" also seems to be derived from Wikipedia.
The book mentions "Being locked in a small confined spot, a pit or cage with spiders and snakes" as a form of torture. This one can be traced back to Michelle Remembers.
The text describing bladder torture in RoP is identical to the text describing it in How The Illuminati Create A Total Undetectable Mind Controlled Slave. I'm not going to post it because it's kinda graphic, but feel free to compare the texts yourself. Just search for the text "urinary bladder."
Basically, most of the alleged tortures and programming methods are very obviously sourced from Springmeier and Wheeler's books, even if they aren't always described with identical text.
A list of tortures in the book include the hell confinement, the Tucker telepohone, the strappado, the Cold Cell, the German Chair, the box, white torture, and the Tiger Bench. Most of these can be found on this Listverse article from 2013, and RoP's descriptions match up with Listverse's.
So basically, we have someone claiming to be a trauma-based mind control survivor, but a lot of his information very obviously comes from other sources. (Now just to be clear - it's not possible to tell whether any of the copied text comes from the actual webpages I linked, or if they were sourced from other pages or books with the same text. But either way, it's obvious he didn't come up with all this stuff on his own.)
I also think the fact that this book includes so many descriptions of actual abusive behaviors and practices makes it all the more insidious. The author effectively links a lot of stuff that actually does happen with the conspiracy theory in such a way that it can all look like it's the exact same thing, making it seem like if you suffered from these real types of abuses, then you may have likely been a victim of alter programming.
But here's the thing - abusers are often just insecure, lazy, and taking their issues out on someone weaker. Sometimes they're just doing what their family did and haven't realized this behavior is toxic. There's no deep or complicated reason behind it, much less some carefully orchestrated design on this level conspiracy theorists propose.
#conspiracy theorists#conspiracy theorist#conspiracy theories#conspiracism#rules of programming#unwelcome ozian#ramcoa#ritual abuse#satanic abuse#sra#trauma based mind control#tbmc#alter programming#project monarch
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Ben 10 rewrite-fix-selfship thangs by me and my little sister @mayameanderings we did agesssss ago but am only posting now since my friend @franollie is re-entering the fandom!
My s/i's name is Solana Cristalina!!!He's half Petrosapien,half (afro-dominican) human,transmasc genderfluid and bigender,audhd,super bubbly,chaotic,physically incapable of not running his mouth,a pastel punk femme,a mom friend and has a mean streak that's mostly funny but sometimes angsty or played for coolness against villains!His design is meant to look like a half white black person because that's what i am but since he's made of crystals,his colors reflect the primary light of whatever scene he's in(Hobie Brown moment).His eyes glow in the dark and he's strange looking but not enough to not pass as human!
His dad,Diarius,raised him on Petropia for the first 5 years of his life but decided Earth was safer for him and so he started being raised by his mom,Mariana.He had his own special debut episode in Classic called 'Crystal up,Sunshine' and Mariana is a Bruja who mentored Lucky Girl!Gwen on her and her son and daughter's summer jewel collection travels after Solana had his adventure with Ben and Gwen and became basically like siblings with them even though he was only in a few episodes for that run.Him and Kevin met the same year but at their school where Solana was a Special ED kid and Kevin was in a club/support group for troubled kids.He sat in front of Kevin and he was like 'This shiny kid is gonna blind me' which led to them talking and Solana was like 'His edge is going to cut me' /irony.They befriended eachother nonetheless before Kevin dropped out as he's implied to be homeless in canon and Solana was upset since he was his only friend but they reunite in the show itself with the exact quote 'Holy shit,edgy kid!!!' and 'Holy smokes,shiny kid!!!' but it dosen't end well just yet since Kevin was an antagonist at the time
Kevin is black monoracial but mixed etchnicity-His mom is mexican and Devin's american.He was taught to seperate his blackness from his latinohood and he grew up disconnected to his blackness due to almost no other black people around and becoming best friends with Solana was the start of healing journey og embracing his afrolatino identity.He participates in both black latino and black american culture since he's half both!!He used to feel guilty about falling under stereotypes but now sticks it to racists by being way better than them and loves himself for who he is!He has fang grills by Omniverse and his redemption arc in Alien Force isn't relient on romance despite Kelana being a big part of it
The Tennysons are white latinos with Abuelo Max being an argentinian inmigrant based purely on vibes and Verdona was latina too(poc swag transcends solar systems.Next question‼️).Gwen is a lesbian and dating Kai,Julie,Ester and Charmcaster and the last one was her first love and there was so much unnecessary gay drama that could've easily been avoided if Gwen wasn't such a loser when it comes to romance and her and Ben's character development sticks instead of keeping them static characters for the sake of unfunny comedy.Ben and Rook's obviously a thing as a plot that's not really a plot twist since their dynamic is the same as in canon but intentionally romantic
Kai is recurring in Alien Force and respectfully written as navajo instead of only existing for Ben and having a fucking feather in her hair and is an official member of Team 10,as is Julie who's also not a Ben love interest but a girlgeek that has a sibling-like relathionship with him and has Ship pre-debut as she gets her own special like Solana that dives into her backstory.Ester's way more prominent too and yet another member and has quiet bpd due to childhood trauma but is helped with it by her friends and girlfriends
The last additions to complete Team 10 to make it fit it's namesake are Charmcaster,Albedo and Alan.Hope is still technically a villain but a dear friend to everyone on the gang who regularly spends time with them and helps on missions,Albedo got a fullon redemption arc and Alan was pretty much adopted/taken in by everyone since he dosen't have parents
They're also all trans and autistic
Solana and Ben are a 'i'm mean to you because i love you' typa beat,Solana and Gwen are soul sisters who bond over everything and on the same level to eachother as him and Kevin are and Kelana in Classic was Kevin actively trying to make Solana worse but Solana is such a nice person that it dosen't work,in Alien Force they get to be proper longterm friends with crushes undertones and in Omniverse they basically act like they're dating already but are still complete oblivious.They develop all throught the franchise and don't get together until the final series:Ben 10 Forever
Ben 10 Forever takes place in Ben's young adult years and is a darker,more complex story to reflect it.This includes Solana dying when he saved Diarus' life in a battle in episode 1 but being ressurected with Petrosapien resources and having trauma from it and Diarus has survivor's guilt.He was always afraid something would happen because he just dosen't trust most human's and blames himself moreso because he feels he should've been there full time,even though he wasn't neglectful and visited all the time with him and Mariana just being long distance
Kevin having mimic powers and Solana being crystalline=They're a reflection of eachother
Mr Smoothie is Team 10's hangout and Solana has a job at a thrift store and convinced Ben to be hired alongside him
#ben 10#ben 10 classic#ben 10 alien force#ben 10 omniverse#ben 10 forever#solana cristalina#kevin levin#ben tennyson#gwen tennyson#team 10#julie yamamoto#kai green#ester omniverse#albedo#rook blonko#charmcaster#alan albright#lucky girl's girls#diarius#mariana cristalina#benrook#real self shipping hours#💌#summerposting#kelana
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How to Find the Best Solar Panels For Your Home
Solar quotes are a great way to get an idea of how much your solar system will cost. They are also an important first step in getting a system for your home. Whether you want to install a system yourself, or have an installer do the work for you, a good solar quote can help you choose the right best solar panels solar quotes for your needs.
When comparing a solar quote, make sure it includes all the components. This means you should look for a full description of the system you are considering, including the equipment used, labor, and the warranty. In addition, a good solar quote should include a diagram of the wiring. It should also come with a warranty for any damage to your home, equipment, or system.
One of the best places to find a solar quote is at a reputable website. These sites offer detailed information about the equipment, quality, and price of a solar power system. For example, a SolarReviews site can compare up to four different local solar companies to find the best solar panel deals.
Aside from comparing prices, you should also check out other options. Some solar companies offer in-house products and services, such as monitoring your energy production and energy audits. Also, look for a company that offers financing options. Many companies will give you an even better deal if you can arrange financing for the installation. Alternatively, you can finance your new solar panel system with a bank.
You can also take a look at some free solar quotes, which are a good starting point. However, these quotes are not as comprehensive as a paid one.
SolarReviews, for instance, is a reputable site with a database of 350 solar companies nationwide. Using the service, you can compare the price of a solar power system, see its reputation, and learn about the oohs and aahs from previous consumers. Specifically, the site provides a map that shows you how much power your home will generate. There is also a nifty mobile app that makes it easy to track your electricity usage.
The site also has a blog that provides a wealth of other useful information. For example, they offer a solar capacity map that provides the average power metering of all properties in a region. Although this may seem like a small tidbit, it is a useful piece of data to have in your arsenal.
Choosing the right solar panels for your home is a daunting task, but it can be done. The best way to do this is to use a site such as SolarReviews to gather as much information as possible about the system you are considering. As with any purchase, be sure to compare the solar quotes you receive to ensure that you are getting the best value for your money.
Lastly, look for a company that has an Australian office. While many solar panel manufacturers now manufacture their products in China, a manufacturer that is locally based is more likely to be around for the long term. And if you are buying a solar system from a company that is based in Australia, you can expect an Australian warranty claim process.
Solar Safari are Sydney based Clean Energy Council Approved Solar Retailer, focused on tailoring solutions to meet your residential or commercial requirements. Our team of dedicated and experienced professionals have in-depth knowledge about Sydney’s Solar conditions and will design a system to suit your specific needs.
#best solar panels solar quotes#how much is the government rebate on solar panels#solar panels sydney rebate#cost of solar panels sydney#bird proofing solar panels sydney#solar panels sydney reviews#solar panel maintenance sydney#solar panel companies sydney
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QUOTES TO A LOVER, PART TWO * slightly implied nsfw
my heart beats faster when you take my hand.
you are the only one that made me risk everything for a future worth having.
i fancy myself in love with you.
you know it's you i want.
i'm in my bed, you're in your bed. one of us is in the wrong place.
when i'm with you, the only place i want to be is closer.
maybe i'm too late to be your first, but right now, i'm preparing myself to be your last.
i shouldn't want you this bad.
this feels better than any dream.
bring me your pain, love.
i wanted your kiss to leave a mark. that's how i knew i loved you.
chemistry is you touching my mind and it setting my body on fire.
i fall for your smile every single time.
for thousands of nights i dreamed of making love to you.
you are the one i am lit for.
it's so beautiful when you smile.
i don't want to be one good memory.
i get excited when you describe exactly what you're going to do to me.
your body will haunt mine.
i have been waiting years for you.
i want to feel your skin. i want to breathe you in.
let go of your inhibitions.
i knew from the moment i saw you.
i will die with your kiss on my lips.
you look beautiful wearing my heart.
i crave your mouth, your voice, your hair.
i always want more with you.
tell me you'll always be by my side, or on top of me, or under me.
i don't want comfortable. i want passion.
you burn me.
over everything, i choose you.
i want to be a body for you.
i yearn for you.
at least i'll die with love.
some of the best moments in life are the ones you can't tell anyone about.
no one compares to you.
i want it all tonight.
i want you to cut me, sharpen me.
when it comes to you, i don't like to share.
there's this place in me where your fingerprints still rest, your kisses still linger, and your whispers softly echo.
i long to hold you in my arms.
the solar system and everything beyond it isnt nearly big enough to hold how deeply i love you.
it's not what you show; it's what you have in mind.
while i sleep, i dream of you.
please touch me.
i found you, and now everything is music.
the proof will be my body.
your kiss still floated on my lips.
i bet you know how to kiss.
i want to stop the time so that you're always mine.
i will not go another breath without you.
i want you in the worst way.
my passion for you is intoxicating.
i get carried away when i'm with you.
it took us so long...
i've come to care for you.
i was your exception.
you kissed me. i felt hot wax on my forehead.
i like you most with a smile and without clothes.
as if you were an archer with your swift hand at the bow, the arrows of delight shot through my body.
i will touch you with my mind.
you are enough to drive a saint to madness or a king to his knees.
i want someone who will kiss me like it's the only thing keeping me alive.
this feeling is too big for the universe.
that does something to me.
if i had a camera, i'd take a picture of you every single day.
#rp starters#rp memes#rp prompt#rp musings#rp meme#roleplay memes#roleplay prompt#roleplay meme#writing prompt#askbox meme#ask memes#rp asks#ask meme#inbox prompts#inbox prompt#rp inbox meme#sentence starter#sentence starters#sentence starter prompt#love quotes#love prompts#romance prompts#mcflymemes#romance memes
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quote; Solar Flares // @bluegarners
this is my (first) piece for @dickgraysonbigbang ! i was paired with the absolutely phenomenal @bluegarners to draw for her fic, Solar Flares. i'm not being dramatic when i say this is the best fic i've read IN MY LIFE. i couldn't stop myself from drawing a second piece for this fic, which will be uploaded when chapter two is up. keep your eyes out for fic fanart in the future— there are two more art ideas that i just did not have the time to get to before the bang deadline was up and i am just WAY too attached to this fic to let them go
#dgbb23#dc#dick grayson#nightwing#dick grayson fanart#dick grayson fanfiction#batfam#batfamily#batfam fanart#batfam fic#batfamily fanfic#my art#art#fanart#dc fanart#solar flares
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Offering Ideas for the Muses
~ Since I don't see many posts on this topic, I've also included common "general" traditional offerings to the Greek pantheon. I did my best to come up with unique but simple ideas; I wanted to include things that most people could likely offer or do. I hope this list is helpful to someone. ~
Kalliope - Your favorite poetry, poetry books, poetry you wrote, musical instruments, writings you're proud of, devotional writing to her, a handmade scroll with your writing, your favorite pen/pencil, a quill, clay objects (especially tablets), gifts from your siblings (if applicable), imagery of Orpheus, lyre imagery, golden crown imagery. General: Imagery of here, incense (frankincense, patchouli, citrus, etc.), olive oil, olive branch, honey, water, baked goods, wine, rosemary, Orphic Hymn 0 or 75 (can be given to any Muse, but I'll only list it here since Kalliope is thought to be the mother of Orpheus).
Kleio - Any historical or historical fiction books you enjoy, your favorite books (any genre), school notes about history (if applicable), a list of lessons you've learned from the past, a letter of how the past has helped you grow, setting time aside to learn history (anything that interests you), learning about ancient Greece, your favorite bookmark (especially one you frequently use), your favorite quotes. General: Imagery of her, incense (frankincense, patchouli, lavender, etc.), olive oil, olive branch, honey, water, wine, baked goods, rosemary.
Ourania - Star maps, globes, maps of Earth, compasses, dream journals, telescopes, glow-in-the-dark stars, your favorite books about the universe, sci-fi books/shows, seeking knowledge about the unknown, your own art of the stars or space, your own sci-fi writings, solar system imagery, space/star imagery, imagery of your favorite constellation, General: Imagery of her, incense (patchouli, lavender, rosemary, etc.), olive oil, olive branch, honey, water, wine, baked goods, rosemary.
Thaleia - A list of your favorite jokes, a joke book, ivy leaves, an ivy wreath, funny stories/memories from your life, jokes you've written, your favorite comical musical/play/movie/etc., confetti, streamers, a shepherd's (or wooden) staff, comical masks, smiley faces, blooming flowers, sheep imagery, comedy mask imagery. General: Imagery of her, incense (patchouli, rosemary, strawberry, etc.), olive oil, olive branch, honey, water, wine, baked goods, rosemary.
Melpomene - Ivy leaves, an ivy wreath, serious/somber poetry, "vent" art, your favorite tragic musicals/plays/movies/etc., tragic stories you've written, symbols of inner strength/perseverance (whatever that looks like to you), stories about overcoming/growth, therapeutic journaling (I recommend doing this with professional assistance), tragic/sad masks, siren imagery, sword imagery, boot imagery, tragedy mask imagery. General: Imagery of her, incense (frankincense, lavender, cedar, etc.), olive oil, olive branch, honey, water, wine, baked goods, rosemary.
Polymnia - Meditation (if applicable), devotional writings you've written, your favorite hymns/devotional poems, laurel leaves, lustral water, self-made hymns, devotional writings about her, burning non-toxic offerings, fire, prayer journal, imagery of Mount Olympus, imagery of animals you associate with "divine connection" (maybe doves, stags, owls, etc.), imagery of anything you associate with "divine connection" (hands in a praying position, the stars or sky, nature, etc.). General: Imagery of her, incense (rosemary, myrrh, patchouli, etc.), olive oil, olive branch, honey, water, wine, baked goods, rosemary.
Erato - Smut fanfic (that's right, I'll say it), written erotica, your own erotic writing, love letters you've written or received, erotic poetry, setting aside time to explore your, er, "interests", red or pink flowers, jewelry/perfume that makes you feel attractive, sex-positive journaling, basil, myrtle, lyre imagery, sexual imagery, anything you associate with passion/erotica. General: Imagery of her, incense (rosemary, rose, amber, etc.), olive oil, olive branch, honey, water, wine, baked goods, rosemary.
Euterpe - Your favorite poetry, your own poetry, poetry books, sharing your poetry with others, relaxing/calming tea, media that brings you comfort (watching a movie with her, giving her a DVD of your comfort movie, your favorite book, etc.), the lyrics to your favorite songs, imagery of animals/objects that have symbolic meaning to you, imagery of double flutes. General: Imagery of her, incense (patchouli, lavender, myrrh, etc.), olive oil, olive branch, honey, water, wine, baked goods, rosemary.
Terpsikhore - Musical instruments, dancing in honor of her, songs you've written, a devotional playlist, your favorite song lyrics, setting aside time to simply listen to music, your favorite musicals, expressing yourself through song/dance, picks for instruments (guitar picks, lyre plectrums, etc.), sheet music, supporting local/small musicians, learning to play an instrument, lyre imagery, songbird imagery (or any animal you associate with music). General: Imagery of her, incense (patchouli, citrus, strawberry, etc.), olive oil, olive branch, honey, water, wine, baked goods, rosemary.
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How did you feel about Solar not going on Nexus’ side? Cause I know I could hear the cries of people who wanted that to happen.
I am glad Solar didn't side with Nexus. I honestly expected him not to side with him and i am glad i was right there. For Solar, i'm fairly sure Nexus reminded him of both his Sun and Moon. His Sun, who cared about him, and fought to get him his own body, and his Moon, who, before he died trying to separate his kill code from himself, probably cared about Solar too before he died and the backup took his Moon's place. I think Nexus reminds him of that, which also means Solar's logic went to the fact he needs to die. I'm not happy that Nexus needs to die, but he made it very clear that he is a threat. Corrupted or not, Nexus still intends to kill them. Even Solar. Since he even said as such: "Next time you see me, better be ready to die."
I don't care if he's corrupted or not, that corruption will still lead to real potential harm or death to his ex family, and that is the problem. Even if Nexus still cared just enough to extend an offer for Solar to join him by taking the wither shards and bringing them to him, the New Moon we came to know is gone. Or buried deep in there at the very least. If they kill Nexus, it's out of self defense. I am very sure that Nexus plans to destroy their dimension. Introducing the negative star power like he is, it's like what Rez said, but don't quote me on that. I only watched that video once, and then the channel was terminated. Glad it is back, but i do think that Nexus may be that catalyst he was talking about.
I want Nexus to be saved, i really do, but i will not blame the family if they kill him. At that point it'd be out of self defense, like i said. And defending their family members. Will it hurt? Absolutely. But look at what could have happened if Sun didn't kill Blood Moon. (I still think they simulated the clones' personalities instead of the originals, but still). If they don't defeat Nexus, we can probably say goodbye to them as a whole, cuz if he blasts the negative star power into their dimension, chances are that it will die if there is enough to overpower the positive star power or expedite its' death exponentially.
I think Solar had an understandable reaction after Nexus left. Wanting him dead and all. He had to do the same to his Moon and his Monty. For Nexus, if his old self does somehow peek out from under all that negative energy, if he is still in there somewhere, a death for him may be considered a mercy kill at that point. Especially if he is suffering greatly from what he did to himself.
Though we have yet to see if that even is the case. If so, then i may change my stance a bit, but only a bit. At least for now, i am sticking where i am. I have yet to be given a reason to believe New Moon is still in there somewhere.
People can say it's just him trying to be edgy and rebellious, but what he's doing to himself is harmful to, not just himself, but also the people he knows, and even the people he doesn't. You gotta look at the greater good in situations like this. If the end result of that is that Nexus needs to die, i understand it, even if i won't like it. The best case scenario is that he is cured and able to come back, but i see that being very, very tense for a long while. Especially between him and Moon. Just have to wait and see, but unless i am given a reason to believe that New Moon is still there somewhere, somehow, i will not change my stance here.
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