#best of the epics that are just guys stabbing other guys

[opisasodomite]

I’ve relapsed into my childhood habit of checking out about a dozen books at once from the library, and then before I’m done checking out even more, but unlike then I’m actually reading them this time lol

[cosmerelists]

My Top 10 Favorite Stormlight Fights...That DON'T Involve Kaladin

I wanted to do an overall “top fights” list but I found that were all, uh, just Kaladin. So Kaladin’s best fights will be saved for a future post, probably, but for now--let’s give some love for those epic fights that DON’T involve our most dramatic hero.

[SPOILERS FOR ALL OF STORMLIGHT ARCHIVES!]

10: Adolin (and Renarin!) vs. the Thunderclast [Oathbringer]

This one makes the Top 10 for me mostly because of how cool it must have been in theory...although tragically we never do actually get to see Renarin fight the Thunderclast. I mean, Adolin's part is still very cool--gotta love the one guy without Radiant powers nevertheless trying to fight a giant stone monster from ages past. And then Renarin comes and defeats it off-screen, and that is cool enough to make this list even though we don't see it.

#9: Moash vs. Leshwi [Oathbringer]

This is such a short fight, and it probably wouldn't make the Top 10 for most people...but I thought it was cool. We have Moash facing off against a Fused--one of the first Fused we ever see--with a Shardblade, only to realize that he can't beat her with that weapon, so he grabs a simple spear instead (my heart!). Then he gets lashed to the sky...but pulls her with him and stabs her in the chest. And so he kills her, and Lewshi being Leshwi, she's like, "Okay. You're legit and I like you." So kind of a cool character-building moment for both of them!

#8: Adolin & Dalinar & Elhokar vs. the Chasmfiend [Way of Kings]

This fight didn't do it for me one a first read, because frankly I didn't care that much about the Dalinar chapters in Book 1 because I was always waiting to get back to Kaladin. But upon a reread and a re-reread, I liked it much more! Like so many early fights in Way of Kings, it felt like a sort of tutorial for how the powers work, here focusing on how Shardblades and Chasmfiends Work. You get to see Adolin & Dalinar work well together despite their conflicts, and you get to see Elhokar being, well, Elhokar.

#7: Adolin’s Duels [Words of Radiance]

Except for the last one, to keep this ranking Kaladin-free! But Adolin's pre-Whitespine-Uncaged duels were also very legit. Adolin is a great swordsman, and that makes him fun to watch (well, read about). And I loved the way that he had a different way to mess with his opponent in every duel, from unhinged battery to slowly picking apart the other guy's armor. It's great to see someone good at dueling get to do what they're best at.

#6: Szeth vs. an entire party [Way of Kings]

I'm referring to when Szeth assassinated King Hanavanar of Jah Keved...while the guy was holding a big dinner party. And while this scene is a little painful to read, since Szeth slaughters everyone while crying, if memory serves, you gotta be a little impressed by the way Szeth is able to kill an entire room of people, many of whom are armed with Shardblades or half-shards. At one point he even tosses his sword away and goes hand-to-hand with people holding deadly weapons and just slaughters them all, no problem. That guy is frightening good at murder.

#5: Navani vs. Raboniel vs. Moash [Rhythm of War]

Some fights are cool because they involve visually stunning moves or epic swordplay. Some are cool because they rip my heart into a million pieces. This is one of the latter! Navani killing Raboniel is gut-wrenchingly tragic but also so cool (the Fused are impossible to kill and yet, Navani does it)...and then Moash shows up. The confrontation between Moash and Navani was an emotional beat I didn't know I needed until it was happening...and listen, I am SUCH a sucker for self-sacrifice. Raboniel grabbing Moash to let Navani escape, even after Navani killed her? I'll never be over it.

#4: Szeth vs. Gavilar [Way of Kings]

I mean, this one is a true classic. It's the first fight we see, and serves as a basic tutorial on how stormlight and Shardblades work. We have Szeth in the opening of Way of King, going to assassinate Gavilar. He lashes people and things left and right. He's on the ceiling and the walls. He's burning souls and cutting holes in the building. He's desperately fighting Gavilar in what is probably Gavilar's only cool scene in all of the books. It's just classic.

#3: Shallan vs. An Entire Army [Oathbringer]

I'm not sure this would make a "Top Fights" list for very many people, but it is one of my personal favorites. This refers to the Battle of Thaylen Field (yes, Kaladin is in the background but that doesn't count as involvement), when Shallan, Veil, & Radiant summon hordes of alters to distract the Odium-crazed army. Not only does she fend off an entire army single-handedly (holy shit, Shallan), but she does so despite the fact that it is her being killed over and over again in thousands of forms. The image of her, Radiant, and Veil holding hands as she struggles to stay conscious is incredibly powerful to me. And Jasnah goes to help! A+ fight.

#2: Adolin & Maya vs. the Tukari [Rhythm of War]

This is one of my all-time favorite fights. It takes place in Shadesmar, when Adolin runs to help Notum who is being stabbed and beaten by a group of Tukari, Not only is it a heroic fight against grossly mismatched odds, which I always love, but it also demonstrates the bond between Maya & Adolin. And when the two of them fight back to back using the kata... *chef's kiss*

#1: Dalinar vs. Odium [Oathbringer]

I'm aware that Kaladin is, like, in the background here, but the actual conflict between Dalinar & Odium does not involve him. And this isn't a physical fight--there's no clashing of Shardblades or running on the ceiling--but damn if this fight doesn't hit hard. Dalinar fights with a book and with his whole soul, and he refuses to give up his pain or to absolve himself of the guilt of what he's done. This might be one of the most powerful moments in any book, so it gets the top spot here!

What are your guys' favorite non-Kaladin fights? Let me know in the comments, if you want!

[thefictionalhurt]

Let me introduce you to my whump obsession: Link Click. I often see plenty of people on my dash theorizing about this show and they are right to do so because it is so much fun and destroying me slowly. Anyway, what I haven't seen is anyone capturing the beautiful whump, so allow me.

Obviously Spoilers for the first two seasons, if you'd like to watch it yourself (which I highly recommend).

I'm going to be focusing on Lu Guang here, because he is my little meow meow. Season 1 is relatively tame. Season 2 starts with Lu Guang having been stabbed.

Bonus: Live Reaction of his friend Cheng Xiaoshi

Lu Guang is rushed off to the hospital, while the police take Cheng Xiaoshi away (who they think stabbed the poor dude)

Police tell Cheng Xiaoshi his best friend died (for Lu Guang's protection) and that scene is an absolute highlight so I'll try to post it in a clip later.

Ah yes, then Cheng Xiaoshi almost gets kidnapped, Lu Guang rushes from the hospital to save him, gets kidnapped instead. And tortured. While his friends desperately search for him.

The bad guys(TM) set up a hostage exchange: Lu Guang for Cheng Xiaoshi. Not without staging it very dramatically.

The exchange happens, Lu Guang flees the building with his other friend, Qiao Ling, when it goes kaboom.

They survive, dragging a police man to safety with them (so heroic!) and Cheng Xiaoshi's plan to do Cheng Xiaoshi shenanigans and escape the bad guys failed. Lu suddenly turns into damn Sherlock Holmes and deduces where they must have taken his friend, so they follow.

Epic final battle in the subway tunnels. Cheng Xiaoshi is wrestling one bad guy, Lu Guang swoops in to save him. Proceeds to get tasered.

Ladies and Gentleman, we've got a whumper after our own heart here, because once bad guy has a hold of Lu Guang, he digs his fingers into his wound.

No, Lu Guang cannot catch a break, because now bad guy 2 shows up and shoots Cheng Xiaoshi. Lu Guang is feral and the two friends fight the baddy. He's an ex-cop tho and look at those abs. He wipes the floor with them.

The End. Just kidding, they get saved by cop friend (who literally never arrives with backup and frequently endangers civilians what).

I hope to make gifs or clips for all this goodness but phew, that needed to get out of my system. Seriously, it's so good. The English dubbed version is a master piece of pained noises if you ask me. But not just the whump, all around the characters, the music, the animation, chef's kiss. Also, there will be a Season 3 and a shorter arc of six episodes is currently airing.

[karaspal]

movies i think kara would star in:

- a coming-of-age movie - kara would have such a fun time doing this movie! it would be kara’s first main role and this movie would always have a special place in her heart;

- a horror movie - she’d do two - one will be your typical slasher movie and one would be more on the supernatural side. for the slasher movie, it would be revealed her love interest was the killer and her character will stab him ten times at the end (which serves him right, screw this guy), and for the supernatural one, she’d defeat the evil with the power of love and friendship;

- a murder mystery limited series - the producers would keep the killer a secret even from the cast so she decides to try and solve it in her spare time. while on a mission, she’s talking with clark about her theories and bruce overhears so he decides to help (annoy) her. bruce bets on the best friend, while kara on the love interest. at the end, they are both wrong when it is revealed kara’s character was the killer all along (and she was being an unreliable narrator).

bruce: girl- are you kidding me?!

kara: as if i knew???

everyone makes fun of how the “world’s greatest detective” couldn’t solve a teen show’s mystery and bruce never hears the end of it;

- a “tortured artist” type of movie - i think after some experience, kara would want to dip her toes into more challenging stuff. she’d definitely love making this movie but feel so drained after. she’d do a cute sapphic romcom after that;

- a sapphic romcom - this one would be self-indulgent for kara. and you know what? she deserves it! she’d even get jon and jay little roles. jon would love it and jay would be happy to see his boyfriend smile, even if he doesn’t particularly care to be in the movie;

- sci-fi - kara would even co-write this one! it wouldn’t be some epic, big budgeted movie, but a cozy indie one. no high stakes, just good vibes. the planet kara’s character lives on would resemble krypton a lot, down to the tree with red and blue leaves the wind blows through. it would make her feel nostalgia, but for the first time ever, in a good way;

other movies she might do are 1) a sports movie because she does seem to enjoy sports, 2) an adaptation of a game, but only if it’s a game she’s played and loved, and 3) a superhero movie where she conceals her secret identity by wearing a wig except her character is brunette as a superhero and ginger as her civilian self. kara thinks it’s the funniest thing ever.

additionally, i think every movie kara chooses, she’d chose because it’s a project she’d enjoy working on. i don’t think she’d be chasing a big career. in fact, i think she’d turn down some big offers because it’s not something she’s interested doing. acting is her passion and i think she’d like it to stay that way.

[tobiasdrake]

Haha hahaha hahahahahahaha haha hahahahahaha

I'm not supposed to be laughing but goddamn

Hahahahahahahahaha

Okay. So. There's this thing. About Wolverine.

He gets fucked up a lot. Way more than any other character, even though he's supposed to be the best fighter. This is because his main superpower is regeneration, which can only be demonstrated all cool-like if he gets fucked up.

Cyclops can shoot laser beams, so they get to show how cool his powers are by having him shoot people with laser beams.

But Wolverine only gets to show how cool his powers are by getting fucked up, so fucked he gets. The curse of the regenerator is that the powerset demands you get dunked on way harder than anybody else.

So. Like. They put him in a boxing cage and it's like. Yeah. Yeah, that's gonna be it, right? We're gonna see him take a hit really hard, and then he'll heal from that. That's gonna be how we establish--WRONG, he takes a few punches and then wallops the guy.

And then the guy comes at him with a knife in the bar and. Yeah. This is it. The guy's gonna stab him and we'll see him pull the knife out and regenerate from--WRONG. He extends his claws and overpowers the guy.

Bartender grabs a shotgun and this is it. He's gonna shoot Logan and we'll get Logan's metal skull and he'll be like--WRONG. Logan brandishes his other claw and violently negotiates his way out the door.

So what is it? How do we finally show his regeneration abilities? Rogue gives him shit for not wearing a seatbelt and before he can answer, the cosmic universe bashes his truck in with the biggest fucking random falling tree you've ever seen and sends him ragdolling on his face across the landscape.

We're supposed to be like "OH NO Is he okay" and then he gets up and it's like "OH MY GOD he's okay" but I just

I can't stop

I can't stop laughing

Another epic battle for the great Wolverine!

[wren-writes-things]

Hii wren <3

1, 8, 10, 28 for soft asks :3

Hey Pixel! How have you been?

1. What song makes you feel better?

Well music just calms me down in general, I’ve always just really enjoyed the piano and singing. So you can probably get me to listen to just about anything and I’ll probably be happy.

But let’s see… New Discovery by the Crane Wives and Meteor Shower by Cavetown both have a really nice imagery to them and I appreciate that. Also my roommate writes music and I always love hearing what she’s working on because I know she puts a lot of work into them.

Oh the BotW soundtrack. My absolute adoration for that game might provide a bias but I love it so much.

8. Tag someone (or multiple people) who make you feel good.

I had things to say and it got out of hand, this is not my fault. Also I realized partway through this that a surprisingly large percentage of my mutuals are trying to kill me with their fanfics. “Guys, you have to stop, I can only take so many emotions,” they say, as if they don’t choose which fanfics they read.

@liminal-lesbian | You’ve always left really supportive comments when I posted stuff about my AUs and you’re just a really nice person. It also makes up for the fact that your last fanfic inflicted permanent trauma on me. (Joking on that last part but seriously if you haven’t read her fanfics drop everything you’re doing and go read them now. You could be literally trying to save the world but this takes priority.)

@the-god-of-chaos-himself | You might have an evil alter ego trying to murder me as I type this, but you’re an awesome person to talk to and I enjoy our conversations. (Yes this does imply Dalex is trying to stab me and I’m just typing on my phone, I have ADHD what do you expect?)

@kiwibirb1 | I was so excited when we became mutuals the other day the other day, you’re just a very cool person and I’m always excited to see what new ideas you have.

@detentiontrack | So we do not talk much and I legitimately did not know you were aware of my existence, but you said I was nice the other day and it just made me really happy. Plus I just find your blog really interesting.

@sars-wulf | While you’re definitely trying to murder my emotional stability with your writing you are very cool. I really just enjoy talking to you.

@aspynnwoofs | You’re really exciting to have boop wars against, also you’re just a really nice person! We do not talk a ton (because I’m pretty sure we’re both bad at conversation initiation), but I really enjoy seeing you.

@meowlphibia | You’ve successfully become the most reasonable one in the adoptive family of Marcy Wu, but only because everyone else is completely unhinged. Congratulations on this award. Honestly though you’re just a really cool person to talk to.

@heart-wit-strength | The joy that I experience every time I notice you in my notifications is astounding. You’re just a really cool person with really interesting Amphibia takes and AUs. Also you gave me claws one time via polls and I wish to assure you that I have made the best use of them.

10. What's something you’re excited for?

Ooh! I have an example that isn't Amphibia related for once. Epic The Underworld Saga is coming out soon, which yes I am aware you know (because you're the one who cursed me with this interest, and I mean that positively) The music is just so well done and I’m really looking forward to it. The Art of Amphibia is coming out and I need it! Oh also Stardew Valley updated and I’m really looking forward to when the update is available on the switch.

28. hugs or hand-holding?

Hugs, they’re just really nice.

[aro-geo-turtle]

Malevolent part 44 let’s fucking go

Oooh a flashback. Love the music and these lyrics feel pretty damn thematic…

Blood and sand mentioned!! Okayyy not a flashback, purgatory time! Interesting glimpse at what lies beyond

lol yorik’s comic relief music is the best. Interesting that Arthur cant remember that purgatory place, so we get to know something awaits him but he doesn’t.

Dress up time! John sassing how many times they’ve been stabbed lol. So cool that they get armor

…is Faroe in the dark world. The million dollar question we’ve all been silently wondering, finally asked aloud

Mother darkness???? Did we skip over some explanation there? Could be…Lilith maybe?

Statues are a serpent, a faun, and a headless rider. That seems important. Listen to Arthur’s detective instincts! Yesss such good deductions!

Ok good John did filled him in on everything—!!!!!” “I LOVE YOU, TOO” !?!???!? HE ACTUALLY SAID IT HE SAID THE LOVE WORD TO JOHN DIRECTLY TO HIS FACE😭😭😭😭 and it’s so casual and sweet I can’t stop replaying that one bit

Yorik is third wheeling so freaking hard stop killing the mood my guy. Wonderful he’s finally caught up to the rest of us

Damn they’re bringing the rapier Arthur got stabbed with??? Practical I suppose, but still extremely funny.

What is yorik up to??? I’m sus as hell.

John please shut up about the hags corpse. This is not a thing we need to hear about. Of fucking course the weeds attack

Damn they got out just like that?? Epic. Oh its so nice to be outside again, even just hearing about it

Wait the glass gave them a vision of the castle??? I don’t remember that

Prince Warren of Aravel…oh god posing as someone you’re not plots always make me super super anxious, this is going to be fun

Hm, yeah when thinking of miles to go, you also need to remember how far you’ve come to keep your spirits up.

I really don’t like yoriks fascination with this hand. I hope it’s something hilariously and deceptively innocent. aaand their title of the “day of wrath” continues to be ominous, especially with that “you will see” !!! I am alarmed!

ALEXANDER THE OWL!!! MY BESTIE YOURE BACK! I’m so happy to see him. Did Arthur just call John and yorik “boys”??? 🤣🤣 and then he sasses them both lol

Yesss Arthur remembering things. And there’s an implication from John’s response that the dark world doesn’t have others around, which is interesting. Hmm, and someone ordered him his drink and we only know one person who’s ordered Arthur that drink. I hope it’s Parker and not someone more sinister.

And a nice calm non-cliffhanger ending for once! Wonderful!!!! Nothing super big and surprising this ep, just pushing the plot along, and that’s honestly a relief after the last chain of episodes. But we got a full “I love you” directly face to face (so to speak)!!! I’m so happy about that

[forever-eternal]

hi!! I was wondering if there was any random headcannons you had about either states or Adam and Robin

I have a few off the top of my head :D

__________________________________

-- Adam and Robin are both Very Asexual, and only attracted to each other. Trying to be a Homewrecker with these two will end horribly.

-- Greg is an undead. As a human child, he met Adam and Robin a few times. When he died in a horrific accident as a young preteen, they brought him back and adopted him.

-- Greg is mute!

-- Boe (WV) has a pet rosy maple moth named Rosie

-- Boe is Best Friends with all the WV cryptids.

-- Boe is dating John Deere! Boe is the Jack Hoffmen of States and I will die on this hill.

-- Ivan and Gabriel (Alaska and Texas) are really nice guys, and kinda shy, but they have epic mean faces and can make themselves appear very intimidating.

-- John (Georgia), despite being Gabriel’s height, is too nice and Teddy Bear to intimidate people unless he’s angry. Then people remember that a Teddy Bear is still a bear.

-- Ivan and Gabriel learned to be scary from Adam. Man is Dad To The Max, but he is still the Personification of the United States, and he can be terrifying when he wants to be.

-- Adam and Robin make all their kids stuffed animals, with the animals name sewn on one of the limbs

-- Ian (Florida) and Robin have a running tally of who had football-tackled more police officers. It’s currently a tie.

-- Adam has met Santa Claus.

-- Countries being on good terms does not mean the Personifications are! Several Government and Assistant Personifications are not allowed to be in the same room as Adam or Robin, it’s attack on sight.

-- Adam and Robin can replace people they erase! I implied it in ‘Must Be Mistaken’

-- Robin eats people. It’s not cannibalism, since she’s not human, but she does eat people. Adam too, but only sometimes.

-- The basement of the Jones Residence, where only Adam and Robin are allowed to enter, is full of trophies from people and personifications they’ve killed. The walls look like the French catacombs with all the skulls.

-- Adam and Robin also engage in human experimentation from time to time! Remember the chimeras from Full Metal Alchemist? That type of stuff. They only do it to bad people, and they also just don’t care. The only humans Adam and Robin care about are their family members.

-- If Adam and Robin ever die, they can never be reformed. Getting the exact same fragment from Eternity or Infinity is impossible. Other personifications can reform as the same people, Governments can not.

-- Robin represents in small parts of the Government; the interns, cubicle workers, receptionists, all the little pieces that make everything run. Adam is the big pieces; the President, the Senate, the HoR.

-- Adam’s immune system is trash and it has always been trash 👍 that will never change.

-- The OG’s had to teach Adam and Robin how to act human, blinking, chewing, breathing and all.

-- No one knows that Adam and Robin are fragments. Only other Fragments know. All the Politicians know is that they’re terrifying and Will Eat Them.

-- Adam and Robin are petty as hell and have a ‘Petty Schedule’ to determine who messes with which politician this time. This is reserved for the people who annoy them, but they aren’t annoyed enough to hurt them.

-- Adam has been torn in half by a cannonball before. He has also been shot, stabbed, blown up, burned, and I’m sure there are other things he has yet to talk about. Only Robin knows about most of these.

-- Adam and Robin can regrow limbs! If they break a bone, and manage to get away for a few hours, they’ll just cut it off and let it grow back good as new.

-- Adam and Robin can either have no organs or too many of one specific organ. Or whatever they think is funnier at the time.

-- In Verse, ‘The Thing’ is based on a witness that saw Robin eat someone. She looked freaky as hell and had the time of her life.

-- Adam and Robin have multiple forms, which I have talked about already in a previous post.

-- Adam and Robin are so in love it gives me a toothache

[swan-of-sunrise]

Taking Care of Business (Chapter Forty-Two)

Summary: Once reunited, Din, (Y/N) and Grogu agree that the only way they can finally achieve a peaceful life is to confront Moff Gideon and stop him once and for all.

Pairing: Din Djarin X Fem!Reader

Word Count: 6.3k

Warnings/Disclaimers: None

A/N: I’m sorry for making you guys wait, but we’ve finally arrived at the re-taking of Mandalore and the epic ass-kicking of Moff Gideon! Thank you for reading, I hope you all enjoy!

Chapter Forty-Two The Homecoming (Previous Chapter)

“Din! Din, behind you!”

“I can’t just stand here and watch them kill him! Din!”

“No, no! Din!”

(Y/N)’s terrified screams, Grogu’s wails and the incessant pounding of the captain’s fist on the blast door’s fortified glass echoed throughout Din’s mind as the two Stormtroopers dragged his limp body down an endless hallway to the Imperial base’s debriefing room. He blinked hard to clear his head, making sure to keep his limbs as loose as possible for the benefit of fooling his captors, and he forced himself not to imagine what Moff Gideon and his forces had in store for his family; although his wrists and ankles were tightly bound with whipcords, Din was mustering all of his strength to break free and overpower both beskar-clad Stormtroopers single-handedly and without even one of his weapons. You’ve gotten through tougher scrapes than this, he told himself as he anxiously wet his dry lips and prepared himself for his ambitious next move, now do it again for (Y/N) and Grogu.

Seizing his opportunity, Din lurched towards the nearest wall and pushed off its surface with his bound feet; his sudden action sent the Stormtroopers stumbling backwards and after head-butting one of them, he flipped the other over his shoulder and snatched the vibroblade fastened to his utility belt, slicing through the whipcords securing his ankles and drawing his bound hands back to stab the fallen Stormtrooper. The second Stormtrooper shot the vibroblade from his grasp before he could move and continued firing, forcing Din to somersault across the hallway and kick the blaster from his hands; he sprang to his feet and roughly slammed the second Stormtrooper into the wall, but was forced to raise his arms to block the blaster bolts that the first Stormtrooper fired at him and then the stream of fire from the second Stormtrooper’s flamethrower. Crouching low to the ground, Din rolled across the hallway and knocked the second Stormtrooper down and pointed his flamethrower at the panicked first Stormtrooper before slamming his fist into his helmeted head; he charged at the first Stormtrooper and wrestled the blaster from his grasp, quickly maneuvering him onto his knees and snapping his neck with one quick motion.

A whipcord wrapped itself around Din’s neck and cut off his air supply, and he was yanked backwards onto the ground at the second Stormtrooper’s feet. He grasped at the whipcord and struggled to breathe as the Stormtrooper tightened the weapon around his neck and despite his best efforts, dark spots began to appear in his vision. The Stormtrooper, taking advantage of his weakening state, grabbed his discarded blaster and pressed the muzzle against his helmet, and Din could feel himself slipping into unconsciousness.

“No.” Eyes flying open at the sound of the familiar vocabulator, Din looked over to see IG-12’s hand grasping the blaster’s muzzle; the weapon fired, the red blaster bolt ricocheting off of his beskar helmet, and an enraged Grogu crushed it in his suit’s metal hand. “No. No. No. No.”

(Y/N) appeared on the Stormtrooper’s other side and with a strong kick to the abdomen, the Stormtrooper was sent flying down the hallway and his unconscious body lay sprawled on the ground. Din rolled himself over and just as he took a deep gulp of fresh air, IG-12’s bacta sprayer administered the medicine over his upper body and made it once again difficult for him to breathe. “I’m okay…” He hoarsely reassured the concerned child and weakly waved his bound hands around to clear the air. “I’m okay.”

“Din!” His wife’s panicked face came into view as she hurriedly knelt beside him and helped him to his knees. “Grogu, can you cut him loose?”

“Yes.” Grogu piloted IG-12’s hand to slice through the whipcord, and he let out a triumphant coo when the bindings loosened.

(Y/N) spared the child a brief smile over her shoulder as she pulled the whipcords off of Din’s wrists and neck. “Thanks, little guy.” When the captain turned back around to face Din, her (Y/E/C) eyes were filled with unshed tears as she stared into the visor of his helmet. “When they took you away, sweetheart, I thought…I-I thought that you…Maker, I’ve never been more scared in my entire life.”

“Alor’ad…” Din rested one of his gloved hands on her cheek and guided one of hers to the sliver of skin between his helmet and cowl with the other, allowing her fingertips to feel the warm skin of his jaw as his thumb softly wiped one of her tears away. “I’m okay, ner cyar’ika alor’ad. Can you feel my heartbeat? I’m right here. I’m alive because of you and Grogu, and I swear on all the stars I’ll never leave your side.”

Nodding, (Y/N) smiled through her tears and rested her forehead against his in a Keldabe Kiss, and Din took the opportunity to savor the brief but intimate moment of calm before reluctantly returning to the reality of their situation when his wife quietly spoke. “He can’t keep winning, Din. Your people have been through too much at the hands of Moff Gideon and the Empire…” She pulled away to look into his visor, and he felt a surge of admiration at the fiery determination in her reddened eyes. “And I for one am sick and tired of that son of a mud-scuffer targeting my family.”

Din, understanding the meaning behind his wife’s firm statement, gave her one last Keldabe Kiss and turned to look at Grogu; the child was seated inside the IG-12 suit and watching them both with widened eyes, and the corner of Din’s mouth lifted upwards into a proud smile as he recalled how he’d crushed the Stormtrooper’s blaster without a moment of hesitancy. “Thank you for your help. Grogu, I’m going to need you to be brave for us, okay?” The child softly cooed and tilted his wrinkled head to the side as he continued. “We can’t keep running; if we don’t take out Moff Gideon, this will never end. You with us?”

Grogu gave them both a firm nod and after affectionately rubbing one of his large ears between her fingers, (Y/N) helped Din onto his feet and brought a hand up to her commlink. “Bo-Katan, come in.”

“Received. Where are you?”

“We’re safe,” (Y/N) reassured the Nite Owl while adjusting Din’s cowl for him. “Din’s escaped and we’ve got the little guy with us.”

“We’re going after Moff Gideon,” Din added. “Do you have a location?”

“No. We are under attack; I have to get the troops to safety.”

Din buried his disappointment and nodded. “Understood.”

“Stay safe, you three.”

“You too, Bo.” Dropping her hand from her comm, (Y/N) turned to Din with an expectant look on her face. “Since you’re our clan’s resident bounty hunter, I take it you’ll be leading the way to Moff Gideon?”

Beneath his helmet, Din pursed his lips to keep from chuckling as he was reminded of their playful banter regarding bounty hunters versus smugglers. “Naturally. And as our resident smuggler, you’re gonna help us evade as many Stormtroopers as possible until we can get our hands on some weapons.”

(Y/N) grinned as she playfully elbowed IG-12’s arm. “You sure are getting a well-rounded education from having the two of us as your guardians, huh, little guy?” Grogu babbled in agreement and the captain looked over at Din with a self-assured gleam illuminating her beautiful face. “Now, let’s take back Mandalore once and for all.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Din hadn’t hunted down a bounty in some time, but navigating the halls of the Imperial base and evading pairs of Stormtroopers at every turn was beginning to help him tap into his dormant bounty hunting talents. Thanks to their adventures at the hidden Imperial laboratory on Nevarro and the light cruiser they’d infiltrated to rescue Grogu, he had an idea of the base’s overall layout and was able to track the Imperial commander’s path while (Y/N) successfully ensured that the three of them remained unseen, taking advantage of the hallways’ niches and blind spots that the Stormtrooper’s bulky helmets caused.

“We’re getting close to something important,” (Y/N) murmured as they waited for two armed Stormtroopers to pass by their hiding spot. “Why else would there be so many Imps around here?”

“I agree, which is why we should call in our back-up now.” Seeing that the Stormtroopers were gone, the three of them slowly edged around the hallway’s corner and continued forward while Din spoke into his helmet’s commlink. “R5. Come in, R5. We need you, buddy.” He breathed a sigh of relief when he heard the astromech’s familiar chirps and whistles, thankful that the droid had listened to their instructions earlier that day and stayed on the planet’s surface when the Armorer transported the injured Mandalorians up to the fleet in the Gauntlet. “You’re gonna have to scomp into the base and get us the location of Moff Gideon’s command center.”

The astromech’s panicked beeps were illegible to Din, but (Y/N) nodded sympathetically and replied, “I’m sorry, Din doesn’t speak Binary. We’re counting on you, R5, and we know that a Rebel hero like you can get the job done.” Din tilted his head at the captain’s flattery and she shrugged, reaching up to cover her commlink before whispering, “He’s got very fragile nerves, but he’s making his way down into the base as we speak.”

They ushered Grogu around another corner and pressed themselves against the wall to avoid a pair of Stormtroopers jogging by. “We can’t show up at that command center unarmed, alor’ad; you’re sure you don’t have any weapons on you?”

“I lost my blaster when we ran into a Stormtrooper right before finding you, and the only other thing I’ve got is a sewing needle.”

Din heaved a sigh and glanced over his shoulder at the jetpack he’d stolen off of one of the dead Stormtroopers, thankful for the useful device but cursing the Empire for failing to commission more weaponry to their personnel. “We’ll have to make do until a lone Stormtrooper passes our way.” They pushed themselves off the wall and quietly made their way down the hall, and he pursed his lips in impatience. “R5, how are those schematics coming?”

Several moments later, a series of beeps came through the comms and an image projected itself out of Din’s vambrace, making (Y/N) beam and Grogu coo excitedly. “We’ve got it. Great job, R5!”

“Thanks, buddy, you’ve done good.” When his wife arched a brow at his praise, he shrugged indifferently. “He’s not so bad, I guess…for a droid.” He raised his arm and together, they studied the detailed hologram. “That’s the command center; the communication log says that’s where he operates from.”

“Then that’s where we’re going.” (Y/N) gave Grogu an encouraging smile. “Ready?”

The child nodded and patted one of the buttons on his vocabulators. “Yes.”

Din patted the top of his wrinkled head as he passed him by and led them down another hallway. “Stay close, kid. Let’s go.”

With the Imperial base’s schematics to guide them, the three of them continued down the hallways and tunnels until they came upon a large doorway that glowed with vibrant red lights. Din’s hand guided (Y/N) and Grogu flush against the wall as he briefly peeked around the corner, furrowing his brow at the sight of a grand hall divided by several barrier shields guarded by two Stormtroopers each; eight armed Stormtroopers dressed in beskar won’t be easy to defeat, he thought to himself as his mind raced to think up a battle plan, but we’ll just have to make it work.

“The command center is down there,” Din softly explained when he pulled away from the corner to meet (Y/N) and Grogu’s concerned gazes. “We don’t have any weapons, so this might get messy; the barrier shields are dividing the Stormtroopers into four groups of two. I’ll go in and take each pair out while you stay here with Grogu and direct R5 to open the next barrier when I give you the signal.” The captain opened her mouth to argue, but Din was faster. “Alor’ad, you’re a fearsome warrior and the best pilot I know, but even you have to admit that your hand-to-hand combat skills aren’t developed enough to take on over a dozen beskar-clad enemies just yet.”

A miffed (Y/N) crossed her arms over her chest but gave him a reluctant nod. “Fine, but I’m only agreeing with you because I speak Binary…and because you said I’m the best pilot you know.”

Half amused and half exasperated, Din lifted the edge of his helmet up to press a soothing kiss onto his wife’s furrowed brow. “Ner atin alor’ad. Don’t worry, I’ll be careful.”

“You’d better be.” (Y/N) stole a quick kiss before he lowered his helmet into place and brought her hand up to her comm. “R5, there’s some barrier shields. We’re gonna need you to deactivate them one at a time on my command, okay?” The astromech beeped out his reply and when Din gave her a firm nod, she continued. “Deactivate the first shield.”

Din charged around the corner the moment he heard the barrier shield fizzle out, punching the first Stormtrooper hard in the front of his helmet and kicking the legs out from under the second; he snatched the fallen Stormtrooper’s vibroblade and turned in time to grab the first Stormtrooper’s blaster wrist, stabbing him several times in the stomach and using his dying body to block the second Stormtrooper’s blaster fire. He tossed the beskar-clad corpse aside and threw the vibroblade at the second Stormtrooper, hitting him square in the exposed section of his neck, but he narrowly missed grabbing the blaster as his lifeless body toppled into the endless chasm beside the walkway. Cursing under his breath, Din grabbed the vibroblade tucked into the first Stormtrooper’s boot and turned to face the next barrier shield; the Stormtroopers on the other side were panicking and slamming their hands on the control panels nearby, but it appeared that the surprisingly tenacious astromech jammed all their signals. When they saw that Din was staring, the two nearest Stormtroopers quickly armed themselves with electro batons and shields.

“R5, next shield!” (Y/N) called into her comm.

The second barrier shield fizzled out and Din sprinted forward, slicing the first Stormtrooper’s arm and carving a deep cut into the second’s thigh; the second Stormtrooper slammed his electro baton into his chest, sending him stumbling backwards into the first Stormtrooper’s electro baton. Gritting his teeth, Din charged at the second Stormtrooper and shoved him into the third barrier shield with a well-placed hit with his knee, then turned in time to catch the first Stormtrooper’s wrist and slam him against the floor. He scooped up his electro baton and caught the swing that the second Stormtrooper aimed at his head before knocking his legs out from under him and kicking the first Stormtrooper roughly in the head as he struggled to stand, knocking the screaming Imp into the chasm and reaching to grab his discarded shield.

An anxious-sounding (Y/N) yelled behind him, “R5, next shield!”

The third barrier shield fizzled out and with his electro baton and shield raised, Din launched himself at the next two Stormtroopers; he rammed his shield into the first Imp, sending him flying backwards into the fourth barrier shield, and deflected blaster fire from the second before electrifying his leg and sending him crashing to the ground. He electrocuted the first Stormtrooper and knocked him unconscious, tossing his electro baton aside and grabbing the blaster holstered at the Stormtrooper’s waist; when the second Stormtrooper staggered to his feet and began firing his own blaster, Din was forced to duck behind his shield and lay down blaster fire as the hallway filled with smoke.

“(Y/N), have R5 deactivate the next shield!” He called out over the deafening noise.

“R5, next shield!” When nothing happened and no beeps could be heard on the other side of their commlinks, (Y/N) anxiously repeated herself. “R5, next shield!” Din and the second Stormtrooper continued firing at one another, and Din was beginning to worry that he might overheat his weapon if the astromech didn’t act soon. “Din, R5 isn’t answering!”

“R5!” Din barked into his comm. “R5, next shield!” With a lucky final shot from his newly-jammed blaster, the second Stormtrooper dropped to the floor and Din sprinted past his dead body as the fourth barrier shield fizzled out, sliding on his knees and bowling over the first Stormtrooper with ease; he slid past the second Stormtrooper and scooped up his partner’s discarded blaster before jumping to his feet and shooting both Imps dead. Din’s chest heaved as he fought to catch his breath and when he looked out at the smoke-filled hallway littered with the corpses of several Stormtroopers, he nodded to himself and called out into his comm, “R5, good job, buddy…”

At the opposite end of the hall, (Y/N) and Grogu cautiously emerged from around the corner and the captain let out an impressed whistle. “Only you could make hand-to-hand combat look like an art form, sweetheart.” She stepped over the sprawled bodies as she led Grogu’s IG-12 suit down the walkway to where Din stood, pausing a moment to scoop up one of the last Stormtrooper’s blasters and holding it at the ready as she spoke into her comm. “You did a wonderful job, R5. Can you open the next door?”

The doors slowly swung open and both Din and (Y/N) cautiously stepped into the chamber, their blasters raised and their eyes darting around in search of any hidden threats. When they found none, they continued forward and examined the rows of tanks that lined each side of the chamber; Din frowned when he made out the humanoid forms floating in the murky liquid and the longer he looked at them, the more he began to suspect what exactly they were. “Wait here,” Din spoke to (Y/N) and Grogu before walking down to the end of the chamber and examining the control console; he fiddled with the knobs and watched the detailed Aurebesh notes flash by, and his eyes widened beneath his helmet. “Dank farrik, they’re clones…”

From her spot in the middle of the chamber, (Y/N) stifled a gasp and tried her best to calm an understandably fearful Grogu. “It’s okay, little guy, that’s not Gideon. These are his clones.”

Grogu squealed in terror and when Din’s head whipped around, he saw that several of the clones had opened their eyes. One imploring look from (Y/N) had Din switching on the tanks’ self-destruction function; he knew in his heart that for the sake of his family and the galaxy, Moff Gideon’s clones could never be allowed to see the light of day. “Let’s go!”

The lights switched off and as (Y/N) and Grogu ran to Din, the tanks rumbled and began to burst open; the three of them fled the flooding chamber while emergency alarms blared, not stopping until they came upon a closed set of doors. As they halted their movements, the doors slowly slid open and after exchanging a wary look, Din and (Y/N) led the way into the cavernous command center with their blasters raised. A blue-hued hologram of the Imperial base’s schematics was on display in the center of the room but before they could examine it, the doors behind them slid shut on their own accord.

“Oh, that’s not good.” (Y/N) hurried to the closed doors and pressed every button on its control panel, but nothing happened. “I have a bad feeling about this…”

The hologram flickered twice before vanishing and revealing the double doors sliding open at the opposite end of the chamber; Din ducked into a niche while (Y/N) and Grogu hid behind the niche directly across from his just as a chillingly familiar voice rang out through the chamber. “My clones were finally going to be perfect! The best parts of me, but improved by adding the one thing I never had: the Force.” Moff Gideon’s voice shook with rage as he spoke, and Din’s grip tightened around the hilt of his blaster in anticipation, thanking the Maker that he’d destroyed the clones when he had the opportunity. “I was isolating the potential to wield the Force, and incorporating it into an unstoppable army.” Across the chamber, (Y/N)’s jaw tightened but he could see a hint of fear in his wife’s gaze. “And you smothered them before they could draw their first breath.”

In perfect synchronization, Din and (Y/N) leapt out of their hiding spots and fired their blasters at the beskar-clad Imperial commander. Moff Gideon merely smiled and blocked the blaster bolts with his vambrace before firing a missile at them, forcing Din to hastily shove (Y/N) against the wall to avoid the projectile; it flew across the command center and exploded in a massive fireball against the locked doors as Din shielded the captain’s body from the blast. They both looked back to the Imperial commander, who had donned his horned beskar helmet, and with one brief glance, they pushed off the wall and charged towards him with their blasters blazing. Din activated the jetpack he’d stolen off a dead Stormtrooper and launched himself through the air, slamming into Moff Gideon and sending him skidding back several feet into the base’s hangar. Before Din could react, he was flipped over the Imperial commander’s head and sent hurtling into a stack of cargo crates, knocking him senseless for a few moments and causing him to groan in pain.

Moff Gideon kicked his discarded blaster away as he strode towards Din, but (Y/N) appearing behind him and firing her blaster at point-blank range was enough to momentarily draw his attention away from Din, giving him several precious moments to stagger to his feet and watch as the Imperial commander kicked (Y/N) halfway across the platform. Din’s vision went red and he threw a punch at Moff Gideon’s helmeted head, but he effortlessly caught his fist in one hand and used the other to strike him over and over; his hand closed around Din’s throat and he roughly threw him against the ground, forcing Din to scramble out of the away just as his fist slammed into the spot where he’d landed and cracked the stone floor.

Din’s eyes widened beneath his helmet as three figures dressed in ornate red armor and carrying electro-bisentos emerged from between stacks of cargo crates; knowing that he was without a single weapon and already weak from Moff Gideon’s attack, he squared his shoulders and started forward to confront the trio of warriors. The warrior on his right swung his electro-bisentos first and Din expertly dodged it, ducking beneath the other two weapons and blocking a strike with his vambrace before kicking one of the warriors in the head. He was taken by surprise when one of the electro-bisentos collided with his shoulder, sending a stinging pain coursing throughout his entire body and giving one of the warriors the opportunity to slam their weapon into his helmet, a hit that knocked him flat onto his stomach; he writhed in agony when the tip of an electro-bisentos pierced into the unarmored section of his shoulder and struggled to lift himself up off the ground, but he was quickly surrounded by the red-armored warriors and a boot pressed down on his back to hold him in place.

“No. No. No.”

Din forced himself to crane his neck and sucked in a fearful gasp when he saw (Y/N) and Grogu standing side-by-side in front of the command center’s doorway, the captain’s blaster drawn and already firing at the three red-armored warriors as the child smashed his clawed hand against IG-12’s vocabulators. To Din’s utter horror, the three warriors abandoned him on the ground and charged at them with their electro-bisentos raised for battle, forcing (Y/N) and Grogu to retreat back into the command center where they had no chance of escape.

“No!” Din cried, scrambling to his feet and sprinting as fast as he could after them; he was knocked down by a missile fired from Moff Gideon’s vambrace and when he picked himself up, he was met with the terrifying sight of the command center’s doors sliding shut and trapping his family with the three highly-skilled warriors.

Din ran to the door’s control panel, but a whipcord wrapped itself around his neck and he was instantly thrown onto the ground by his own momentum; he yanked on the whipcord in a desperate attempt to free himself, but Moff Gideon merely tugged him back across the platform and kicked him hard in the torso. Although his vision was blurred by a lack of oxygen and stinging tears, Din spotted the vibroblade tucked into his boot and quickly snatched it from him, slicing through the whipcord just as a concentrated stream of fire washed over him. Tightening his grip on his new weapon and gritting his teeth, Din jumped to his feet and launched himself at the Imperial commander; he slashed and parried with all the strength he possessed and while they exchanged blows, he was unwittingly reminded of their vicious duel on the light cruiser. Just as he’d done once before, he had to defeat Moff Gideon and protect his family from the Empire’s lingering danger, but unlike the last time, he vowed to himself that their second duel would end with the Imperial commander dead at his feet.

On my name and the names of the Ancestors, Moff Gideon will not leave this planet alive, Din swore to himself as he kicked his legs out from under him, sending him crashing to his knees. He swung his balled fist at Moff Gideon’s helmet-covered face, but it was caught by his quick hand; Din’s knees started to buckle while his fingers were crushed in the Imperial commander’s iron grip, and the hard impact of his knee hitting his beskar-covered face sent a searing pain to his nose. One of Moff Gideon’s hands wrapped around his neck and lifted him into the air, high enough so that the tips of his boots were barely brushing against the ground, then flung him down onto the platform behind him.

The wind was knocked out of Din’s lungs and his body ached from being tossed around, but he forced himself to scoot back as Moff Gideon slowly strode towards him, trying in vain to come up with a plan to defeat the powerful Imperial commander and save his family before it was too late. His salvation came in the form of a blurred figure wearing blue and white beskar armor, who slammed directly into Moff Gideon and sent him sprawling onto the hangar’s platform before turning to face Din. “I’ve got this,” Bo-Katan reassured him as she gestured towards the sealed command center. “Go save your kid.”

With a hasty nod of thanks, Din scrambled to his feet and hurried across the platform to the command center’s control panel, only slowing down to scoop up two discarded blasters; it was only then that he finally took note of the intense sky battle raging on high above between the Mandalorians and the beskar-clad Stormtroopers, and a quick glance over his shoulder showed him the ferocious duel that Bo-Katan and Moff Gideon were engaged in. He skidded to a halt in front of the command center doors and slammed his foot against the control panel’s buttons, impatiently waiting for the doors to slide open wide enough for him to slip through and bursting into the command center with his blasters raised. It only took Din a split-second to evaluate the situation – a dazed-looking (Y/N) was propped up against the wall with a broken blaster laying beside her and Grogu was pinned down beneath several pieces of scrap metal in front of her as two red-armored warriors advanced and the third lay dead on the floor beside the destroyed remains of IG-12 – and with that, he fired off two shots that hit each warrior in the back and charged into battle.

The first warrior hadn’t yet recovered from Din’s surprise attack when the second withdrew an electro-chain whip and wrapped it around his left wrist, forcing him to drop his blaster as a searing pain coursed through his body. Din grimaced beneath his helmet and shot the second warrior in the shin but before he could wrench his wrist free, the first warrior swung his electro-bisentos and Din blocked it with his vambrace; the force of the blow knocked his other blaster from his grasp and the first warrior raised his weapon for another attack, but was thrown back by an invisible shove as Grogu let out an enraged cry.

“Thanks, kid!” Din wrapped his hand around the electro-chain fastened around his wrist and yanked the second warrior onto the ground.

“Din!” Whirling around, he saw that (Y/N) had dragged herself across the command center to the third warrior’s dead body and retrieved his vibroblade. “Catch!”

The captain tossed the weapon across the room and Din lunged to catch it, ducking out of the way of the first warrior’s attack and elbowing him hard in the face; before he could use the vibroblade, the second warrior’s electro-chain slammed into his back and he fell onto the ground beside Grogu, who’d crawled his way out from beneath the scrap metal. The first warrior’s electro-bisentos swung down but just before it could make contact with Din’s neck, its momentum was halted when the child raised his clawed hand and used the Force to protect Din; Din kicked the legs out from under the first warrior and rolled onto his feet, scooping up one of his blasters and shooting the first warrior several times and planting a hard kick onto the second warrior’s chest as he lunged towards (Y/N). The first warrior staggered towards him, but Din easily knocked the electro-bisentos from his grasp and drove his vibroblade into the narrow gap between his helmet and chestplate, kicking his dead body away before shooting the second warrior until he lay dead at his feet.

Din’s chest heaved as he struggled to catch his breath and once he was sure that all three red-armored warriors were dead, he ripped off his helmet and hurried to where (Y/N) was sprawled on the ground. “Ner cyar’ika alor’ad, are you all right?!” He discarded his helmet and helped his wife sit up, his gloved hands supporting her body as his eyes frantically searched her for any injuries.

“I-I’m okay, sweetheart.” (Y/N) comforted him with a smile, despite the rapidly-swelling bruise that spanned her cheekbone and the drying blood that trickled down the side of her face. “I hit my head when that son of a mud-scuffer slammed me into the wall, but I definitely made sure to repay the favor.”

Din chuckled despite himself. “Yeah, I can see that.” He littered her forehead and uninjured cheek with kisses as his eyes welled with tears. “I’ve never been more afraid than when those doors sealed you two in here with those warriors, alor’ad. I thought I lost you.”

His wife’s (Y/E/C) eyes shone with unshed tears and she nodded in understanding. “I know the feeling all too well.” Her hand reached up to brush some wayward strands of hair away from his forehead and she leaned in to capture his lips in a brief but meaningful kiss that he was quick to return; after several moments, they pulled away from one another and (Y/N) beamed down at Grogu as he crawled into her lap and nuzzled his face against her stomach. “You know, this little guy saved my ass a couple of times; after I took down the warrior who attacked me, he used the Force to keep the other two away from me.” She ducked her head to give the child’s wrinkled head a kiss. “Grogu was very, very brave.”

Din’s heart swelled with pride as he patted Grogu’s head and smiled when he cooed. “You did good, kid.” Just as the captain opened her mouth to reply, a panicked look overtook her earlier happiness and Din’s brow furrowed in confusion as she held a hand up to her commlink. “What is it, alor’ad?”

“That was Axe; he’s crashing the light cruiser into the Imperial base, and we only have minutes to evacuate.”

A sense of understanding passed between them, and Din found himself slipping his helmet back on and helping his wife stand before reaching down and grabbing both discarded blasters; he offered her one of the blasters and gave her a firm nod. “For Mandalore.”

The corner of (Y/N)’s lips curved upwards as she replied, “May the Force be with us.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Clan Mudhorn emerged from the command center and stepped out onto the hangar’s platform, Din walked in front of his family and used his beskar-clad body as a shield. Several feet away stood Moff Gideon, who was striding towards a crouched and helmetless Bo-Katan with purpose while he brandished his electrostaff and spoke. “The Darksaber is gone.” The Imperial commander’s black and crimson cape brushed against the shattered remains of the blade’s hilt as he stepped past it, and Din’s eyes widened in surprise beneath his helmet. “You’ve lost everything. Mandalorians are weak once they lose their trinkets.”

The Nite Owl’s eyes landed on Clan Mudhorn standing behind Moff Gideon, and her exhausted face morphed into a vengeful smile as she shook her head. “Mandalorians are stronger together.”

Together, Din and (Y/N) fired their blasters at Moff Gideon and advanced forward as he was forced towards the platform’s edge; Bo-Katan rolled out of the way while the Imperial commander dropped his electrostaff and began returning blaster fire from his suit’s vambrace, and Din used his free arm to ensure that the captain’s body was shielded from the blaster bolts whizzing past. The four of them were suddenly thrown onto the floor and as sparks rained down, Din looked up to see the burning remains of the Imperial light cruiser crashing into the base’s opening high above them.

A startled cry caused Din’s heart to leap into his throat and when his head whipped around, he saw (Y/N) drop to the ground and the sight of the clutching her leg caused him to surge towards her. “Alor’ad!”

He wrapped his body around hers as Moff Gideon’s blaster bolts ricocheted off his armor and out of nowhere, Bo-Katan slid in between them and used her glowing shield gauntlet to protect them. More and more smoldering debris fell onto the platform and forced Din to pull (Y/N) onto her feet, supporting her with one arm as he fired his blaster at Moff Gideon with the other; the Nite Owl let out a guttural battle cry and charged towards the Imperial commander as she fired her blaster, while Grogu waved his clawed hand and used the Force to shove Moff Gideon back onto the plaform. (Y/N) launched herself into the line of blaster fire and expertly shot the electrostaff into the crevice below the platform and when Moff Gideon aimed his blaster at his family, Din dropped to his knees and slid in front of them as he fired his blaster without prejudice.

As a towering ball of fire descended onto the platform, Bo-Katan hurried to their side and thrust her shield gauntlet above their heads; Din pulled (Y/N) and Grogu close to protect them from the falling sparks, all while watching a screaming Moff Gideon be consumed by the blazing inferno with a sense of dark satisfaction. Burying his beskar-covered face in his wife’s neck, Din waited for the inevitable rush of heat and the brunt impact of debris from the destruction of the Imperial base…but none came.

“Din…” He opened his eyes at (Y/N)’s awed whisper and pulled back to see that they were surrounded on all sides by an invisible shield, the wondrous expression on the captain’s face illuminated by the flames that harmlessly swirled around them. “Look.”

Din’s eyes followed hers and widened when he saw Grogu standing in front of all three of them, his tiny arms raised as he manipulated the Force with the ease of a true Jedi padawan. It seemed as though it were only yesterday when he’d used his special abilities to save Din, Greef, Cara and IG-11 from Moff Gideon’s forces back on Nevarro, and the comparison nearly made Din choke up with pride for his foundling. Good job, kid, he thought to himself on the off-chance that the child could understand his silent message through the Force, you really are one of a kind, ner kotep ad’ika.

Bo-Katan breathed out a awestruck laugh as she deactivated her shield gauntlet and sat back onto her shins. “You two’ve got one hell of a foundling.”

“We sure do-” (Y/N)’s satisfied smile morphed into a grimace and she looked down at the blaster wound on her shin. “Maker, everything they say about getting shot directly on a bone is true.”

Din winced in sympathy, knowing all too well how painful that sort of blaster wound could be, and he rubbed a soothing gloved hand across her back to distract her from the discomfort. “Everything’s gonna be all right, alor’ad; we’ll get you to one of the fleet’s medics and they’ll patch you up in no time.”

When the fire began to die down, Grogu lowered his arms and the protective shield melted away as they cautiously got to their feet; the exhausted child plopped down onto the ground and with a silent chuckle, Din scooped him up and held him in the crook of his elbow while Bo-Katan supported (Y/N). The smouldering remains of the secret Imperial base and the noticeable absence of Moff Gideon filled Din with a sense of satisfaction, and he knew in his heart that they’d just won a final victory over the Empire; Mandalore once again belonged to the Mandalorians, both factions disregarded centuries of bad blood and finally came together as one, and Clan Mudhorn was free to live a peaceful life away from the looming threat of Moff Gideon. And as he stood alongside his fearless wife and loyal friend and held his precious foundling close to his chest, Din finally allowed himself to breathe.

This is the Way.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Mando’a Translations:

Alor’ad-Captain Ner cyar’ika alor’ad-My darling captain Ner atin alor’ad-My stubborn captain Ner kotep ad’ika-My brave son

A/N: Yeah, I really wouldn’t wanna get on the bad side of Clan Mudhorn lol thank you all so much for reading and commenting! Oh, and I’ve created a Spotify playlist of all my favorite music from the world of Star Wars, so if you’re interested in checking it out the link is down below!

Spotify Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2KuSKJhVOPPvxdJ9YHeo4M?si=2977ff31bf0c4bdd

Chapter Forty-Three Taking Care of Business Masterlist

Tagging: @remmysbounty​​​ @sinon36​​​ @seninjakitey​​​ @thatonedindjarinfan​​​ @ginger-swag-rapunzel​​​ @mostclevermiss​​​ @momc95​​​ @welcometothepedroverse​​​ @sarahjkl82-blog​​​ @elinedjarin​​​ @ccomandercody​​​ @crowleysqueenofhell​​​  @goldielocks2004 @wondergal2001​​​ @groovyqueer​​​​ @impala1967666​​​​ @fluffy-canada-pancakes​​​​ @icee228​​​​ @siimiasoi​​​​​

[frogndtoad]

Do you have your favorite albums shared in a post somewhere? I've been trying to find new music and the only thing I wouldn't care to listen to are songs that tend towards vulgarity, so I'd really appreciate some recs if you've got some :,)

howdy anon! always happy to share new music - i don't have a post, but a few of my all-timers are:

Stars - Heart maybe my favorite album by my alternatingly favorite band; absolutely atmospheric indie pop mostly about love, for better or for worse (as in contextually. all of the songs rule). plus theres french horn!

Streetlight Manifesto - Everything Goes Numb the ska-punk album so good it took me over half a decade to get into ska fr because nothing else could measure up. absolutely epic horns quite good lyrics. wish i coulda made any of the anniversary shows this year

Clipping. - Splendor & Misery perfect afrofuturist noise rap concept album about a slave spaceship and the sentient ai that controls it and the human who breaks free. probably the least gory clipping album if thats an issue for u. i love listening to static dot jpg

The Mountain Goats - Beat The Champ if there is a theme in this list let it be my love of horns. other alternatingly favorite band, and if you havent checked these guys out what are you even doing sending asks to frogndtoad dot tumblr dot com. this is their concept album about pro wrestling - a lot bigger sounds than some of the earlier lofi stuff, plenty of lines still about getting stabbed or doing stabbing. but to a jaunty little horn feature! i have rotating top goats but this has been it for a bit

Willi Carlisle - Peculiar, Missouri one of my favorite if not my favorite finds of the year. truly truly beautiful folk album i dont even know what else to say here. absolutely so excited for Critterland next year

disclaimer also that i was taken a little aback by the use of the word 'vulgarity' here in my asks on tumblr dot com for a couple reasons but tried at the very least to take ur sentiment as best as i could and provide some good albums i stand by. might not meet your needs but its not esp gorey and its not esp raunchy and i hope that you enjoy

oh also!! i do keep an #album-log tag that i update periodically with roundups of what ive been listening to and how much; theres a few stats there. might try to keep a better maintained recs tag in the new year but mostly i do that at least for myself i just think its fun to share also

[chiefwritesbook]

WIP Intro: SOTAL

Hi hello this is my main WIP and book 1 is out and I'm !!!!!!

(have a moodboard first of all)

Series title: Stories of the Ancient Lands (SOTAL) Genre: Epic fantasy/romance Themes: Justice (and prejudice), power & leadership, morality, self-identity, friendship & love

Blurb for book 1: War rages across the elven kingdom of Kies Tor. In the capital, the exiled crown prince has returned, seeking to usurp the throne. Midst the bloodshed and chaos, Talin Zylvaris II must take her place as queen and lead the kingdom to safety. It’s a heavy weight for the youngest Torrian ruler in a thousand years.

There is, however, a glimmer of hope in an unlikely alliance to the west. Against her council’s advice, Talin rides out with her mysterious royal bodyguard to seize it, oblivious to the dangers stirring at home. Caught between a court conspiracy and advancing Hellhounds to the north, Talin has only one chance to save her people. If it is not already too late.

About the main squad: Talin: Queen of an entire kingdom, inherited a war, trying her hardest not to screw up and also keep her people alive while everyone at court plots things behind her back. Probably needs to be fished out from the increasingly large pile of other people's bullshit.

Red Wolf: Lord Commander of the Royal Guard. Not a Werewolf™️ and definitely not a simp for the queen, not at all. Prone to getting stabbed or slashed by various sharp and pointy things - it's an occupational hazard.

Ettrias: Talin's twin brother, crown prince of Kies Tor, also very much exiled for murder. May or may not be plotting to assassinate the queen. People tend to forget he's highly competent with a sword and attempt to kill him for some reason.

Captain Golmin: Army vet who became head of the royal guard because it pays to be best friends with the Lord Commander. Really just tired of everyone's shit. Always ends up caught in the middle of a court conspiracy or another, possibly because he's dating the crown prince.

Ashera: A 12yo child who wound up as the Lord Commander's squire because the guy felt guilty about failing to save her hometown and subsequently promised her mother that he'd look after her. Looks like a cinnamon roll, can and will commit crimes.

Book 1 excerpt to finish off: Talin tried a different tactic. “Why did you allow the assassin to scale the walls?”

“We needed a man for questioning.” Red Wolf took the torch from her at the bottom of the steps and led the way onwards, past endless rows of black-barred cells. She could see some were occupied, though none dared come close to them in Red Wolf’s towering presence. A straggly youth with rags for clothes spat on the ground when they passed. Her bodyguard slammed the bars with a gauntleted hand, and he jumped back, eyes wide.

“You and Captain Golmin set this up?” Talin asked.

“The plan was my idea. Captain Golmin only helped because he had an obligation to his lord commander,” Red Wolf explained. “We organised a new night shift that left blind spots on the walls and allowed the assassin to observe the pattern. We also leaked false information that I would not be guarding you at night. I had been asking you if you required me to guard your chambers only because I did not want to go against your word, but you refused each time. We were running out of opportunities.”

“You mean to say that I was bait,” Talin said.

“Not the word I would use, but in a way, yes,” Red Wolf confessed.

“Why?”

“You have been on the throne for less than a year. If someone wants you dead this quickly, something is amiss. I’d like to find out what.”

[inutaffy]

NOW FOR THE OTHER TAG. "why are they in space" lmao lemme tell u why

OKAY SO! end of season 3 right, all is well, then some alien dinosaur shows up (he's a tricerton. im not spelling it right but idc) and he beats up the mutanimals (ninja turtles friends) and so raph goes after him, tames him ig??? and then dino dude is all "there are KRAANG ON YOUR PLANET" and the turtles are like "lol we got rid of them like 15 episodes ago keep up" but decide the humor dino man anyways EVEN THOUGH HE BEAT THE CRAP OUTTA THEIR FRIENDS??? LIKE OKAY UH SURE ANYWAYS WE'RE GONNA GLOSS OVER THAT- hey btw where did u say the kraang were again??? not that we're worried but yk just in case.....okay yeah can u take us there okay yeah cool thanks

so dino man takes them to where the kraang are hiding out (i think t was the technodrome?? idk its been like a week since i finished s3 but im pretty sure they were in the technodrome. ANYWAYS) dino man takes them there, they beat up some kraang, if u listen closely you'll hear me yelling over leo's fighting style. i just think he's neat, and then they find out that the kraang are doing smth or another at the statue of liberty, so THEN dino dude is like "WE GOTTA DESTROY THE BEACON." so the turtles are like ok CHILL we're doing that rn, cue more fighting with the kraang (WHO ARE ALL TERRIFIED BY DINO DUDE BTW. BC HIS SPECIES IS LIKE THE SWORN ENEMY OF THE KRAANG. THEY ARE NOT BESTIES)

then plot twist, after the kraang retreat, the dino dude is like "i also have to destroy your planet now bc u humans suck ass and also there are kraang everywhere lol there's nothing u can do to stop this" and the turtles (raph specifically, THAT WAS HIS DINO PAL MAN) are like hey wait lets talk this over we JUST saved this fucking planet wdym you're gonna blow us up and then dino dude is like oh im not blowing u up we're just gonna activate a black hole and get rid of this whole galaxy.

the turtles do not like this

so raph is EPIC and destroys the beacon (but not before it signals the rest of the dino army but they don't know that until the next episode rip) oh and also dino dude falls off the statue of liberty and dies

next ep!! the kraang have reassembled and are loading up the technodrome, the turtles gear up to take them down again, then the rest of the dino dude army shows up, shit goes south real quick, mikey gets captured and the others almost get vaporized and leo gets to fly a spaceship again, they rescue mikey piss of the dino general dude meet this AWESOME KRAANG GUY WHO I LOVE his name is agent bishop and i love him, and then they gather all their friends for an epic season finale boss fight to stop the dino dudes from black hole-ing the planet (they get shredder involved too. it's awful. i hate him)

so they're all fighting and stuff, trying to stop the dino army for setting up the black hole thing, AND THEY ALMOST WIN. BUT LIKE I SAID. THEY ENLISTED THE FUCKING SHREDDER. AKA "I HAVE NEVER LET ANYTHING GO EVER. I STUBBED MY TOE ONCE AND NOW I HAVE A PERSONAL BEEF WITH FUNITURE." so shredder does what shredder does best and LITERALLY stabs splinter in the back while he was going to shut off the black hole portal thing. like the bitch he is. and the turtles are like "WHAT THE FUCK." and then the portal is activated and the earth is sucked into a black hole and the turtles are just SITTING THERE holding their dead dad as the world is ending but at the last second a SHIP shows up and this robot (FUGITOID. I LOVE HIM. i know he does something in this season that pisses the turtles off but i forgot what it is) shows up and is like "COME IF YOU WANT TO SURVIVE"

and so they do and fugitoid zooms them away to the relative safety of space and does some time rewind thing that sets them 6 months in the past so that they can now find the black hole portal parts which are scattered across the galaxies before the dino army does and stop them from destroying the earth again and THAT. THAT MY LOVE. is why they are in space.

no. everyone needs to read this. what the fuck

[sfss-a]

I came back from see L/ittle Mermaid. -PERSONALS DNI!

Favorite parts:

Ariel exploring the human world. It's my favorite part in the movie. We actually see the people within the land and Ariel interacting with them. More proof that Ariel didn't want to be human just for a guy. The animated version wasn't like that either, but we see more evidence of this here. And Eric teaching Ariel about his collection and other countries and the pair spending time together during Kiss the Girl are the finishing touches. Plus, Jodie makes a cameo and gave Halle a fork for her to play with! Thank you, Marshall.

Eric's characterization. It is so much better in the animated movie. I was never one of the haters who say he's boring, but Ariel did overshadow him. In this version, Eric protests against her mother and loves the sea just like Ariel clashing with her father. I love how the movie shows they have a lot in common. And I love Uncharted Waters. I have this feeling it was fanservice for the parents.

More violence. It's funny that it's PG and it's marketed to little kids, but there are fish getting slaughtered, sailors trying to harpoon mermaids, Ursula playing with mermaid skulls, dead bodies are shown, a wrestling fight, and there's even a death scene (and the murder is shown), not implied or off-screen). How Ariel signs her fate with Ursula is ripping one of her bloody scales and Ursula uses it for the transformation spell. The writers did their homework with the original fairytale, because it was brutal too. I'm surprised it was PG-13 or even R-rated by all the on-screen violence it's shown.

Not-so favorites

Flounder's design. I don't agree with the outrage of how "colorless" the underwear scenes are, but the CGI sucked out Flounder's colors and the fish lips are weird. It's too bad because Jacob's voice is so adorable.

Not enough screentime with the sisters. They had more than the first movie, but I still wish to see more of them like in the original fairytale.

Ariel killing Ursula with the ship. The first movie had Eric do this and it still doesn't make sense to me. At least in the first movie Eric shows experience when stirring a ship. How Ariel drove the ship into Ursula was just a lucky accident. Why the storybooks made Ariel look like a girlboss/badass in that scene when it's not canon, I don't even know. It kills the epic-ness of the final battle. The remake reconfirmed Ursula is a god so why would a stabbing from a jagged ship kill her so easily? This is why I used the broadway version of Ariel throwing the trident at her. A god vs god fight makes more sense and cooler to me.

Javier as Triton. He's good in the gentle parts, but he's not intimidating enough for me. He's the God/King of the Sea and a might warrior, but how he lectures Ariel and fights Ursula makes him look "meh, whatever". This is why I prefer Jason Momoa or Idris Elba.

The ending. No sparkly dress or wedding. I was really looking forward to those parts. I will, however, like Triton apologizing to Ariel and the other mermaids sending her off with Eric.

Unpopular opinions.

I would prefer Eric to be black too. Before y'all get mad, there's nothing wrong with interracial relationships! But unlike the first movie that didn't show any cultural significance (ie accused of Danish), this movie is firmly set in the Caribbean. The accents, food, music, clothing, and dancing is islander-style. And the mother/queen is black. And we're LONG overdue for a black prince. I do enjoy Jonah as Eric, but I wouldn't mind a black Eric preferably a Caribbean actor.

David Diggs voice as Sebastian and Sebastian's design doesn't bother me. In fact, Sebastian had the best lines in the movie. Maybe as someone who looks after strong-willed girls myself, I understand his frustration when taking care of Ariel. But still, I love Sebastian.

Scuttlebutt is not as annoying as I thought, but still unnecessary.

It's not perfect, but the movie is very good. Don't let the toxicity in the internet stir you away from it. Not just the diversity, but the writing. There are parts the live-action adaption did better than in the movie. And it teaches the audience a good lesson about overprotective parenting on both ends. I highly recommend it.

[gigantomachylesbian]

saw your storygraph post, and now i'm wondering, do you have any favorites amongst the LGBTQIA+ books you've read so far this year? would you recommend any of them? i'd love to hear your answer!

Yeah absolutely! I'll try to recommend a variety of things (without going overboard) but I must admit that I'm very biased towards epic fantasy and horror in my reading (also wlw stuff more than anything else, though I'm trying to broaden my horizons a bit!) Under the cut because I have so much to say about books literally all the time every day.

She Who Became the Sun by Shelley Parker-Chan.

This is my absolute favorite book I've read so far this year, and it probably makes my top 3 overall! This is a historical fantasy novel inspired by the rise of the real-life Hongwu Emperor in the 1300s in China. It follows Zhu, a girl who takes on her dead brother's identity to also claim his fate of greatness, becoming a skilled tactician and ruthless enemy along her rise to power. This book has some of the best scheming, back-stabbing, and vying for power I've ever read--I cannot possibly emphasize enough that a guy gets drawn and quartered and it was delightful to me <3. In addition to just being deeply compelling and well-written (Zhu is SUCH a good, complex character, she is absolutely ruthless and clever and perceptive), it has some really interesting representation! Because it's set in historical China, a lot of this stuff isn't stated explicitly in the way it would be in, like, a contemporary novel, but it's absolutely clear in both how the text is written and its themes. Zhu does have a romance with a woman which I really enjoyed, and at a certain point she acknowledges that, while she's not a man despite living as one to maintain her power, she's not really a woman, either. At the same time, our other POV character (and Zhu's narrative foil, which is done so well it makes me BANANAS), is Ouyang, a eunuch within the Mongolian army who, while not transgender, faces a unique, interesting, and incredibly degrading position of gender within this society due to his status as a eunuch, and it drives everything he does. He's literally my favorite character in the entire book I need to study him like a bug. ALSO he's gay. She Who Became the Sun really explores, through Zhu and Ouyang, this theme of "like recognizes like," where, despite being on opposing sides, Zhu is able to recognize in Ouyang this sort of precarious gender status she herself experiences, and understand him better for it. This book is complex, extremely well-written, and delivered everything I want from a historical fantasy, from rich settings, cut-throat politics, complex and morally gray characters and, of course, ghosts! The sequel (I believe the series is a duology?) comes out this summer and I AM going to flip out about it.

Honey Girl by Morgan Rogers.

Now, on a totally different note, I've got a contemporary romance! But not really of the rom-com variety necessarily. This novel follows Grace Porter, who recently completed her Astronomy PhD and celebrated by letting loose for once in her life--which results in her having a vegas wedding with a girl she just met. As silly as that premise is, much of the novel focuses on, yes, Grace's developing relationship with Yuki as the two connect, but also on the effects that Grace's perfectionism and burnout have on her mental health. The novel explores her feelings of uncertainty about her future, as well as how the scientific field she loves is 10 times harder for her to succeed in as a queer black woman, even when she's dedicated her whole life to it. It has some incredible discussions of both the beauty of science and of storytelling, a delightful and fleshed-out set of side characters (including a fantastic queer friend group that I adored), and absolutely beautiful, rich descriptions and prose. I absolutely adore Grace as a character and find her to be just so incredibly real and believable, and this was a book I could just sink right into with its beautiful descriptions.

Hell Followed With Us by Andrew Joseph White. Now we're onto a YA dystopian horror! This novel follows Benji, a trans teenager whose eco-fascist, Christian cult has destroyed most of the world, and turned him into a bioweapon to destroy the rest. He's on the run, and finds refuge in a group of survivors based out of a local LGBT+ teen center as they fight to survive when faced with the murderous cult members, horrible conglomerations of flesh and bone made to kill them, and a damaged, burning Earth. This novel has some absolutely fantastic body horror! It's very gnarly, and combines a lot of meat with Christian imagery in a way that was just delightful. The tension and horror elements definitely worked for me, and I really enjoyed Benji as a protagonist. Benji's experiences as a trans kid are pretty heavily focused on, especially combined with the community he finds in the other survivors and his relationships with them. Also, his love interest is canonically autistic! Overall, Hell Followed With Us has a great balance of nasty body horror, the challenges of fighting to survive, and the hope found in community.

Okay those are the only books I'm letting myself write extensive recommendations for because otherwise I'll be here all day, but here's some bonus recommendations: The Burning Kingdoms series by Tasha Suri (lesbian epic fantasy series, 2 books so far, Indian-inspired fantasy world with incredible world building, action, and complex women <3. Also in my top favorites from this year!), A Strange and Stubborn Endurance by Foz Meadows (mlm fantasy romance, explores cultural differences really well+a powerful trauma recovery narrative (with a touch of vengeance <3), first book in a series but the second isn't out yet, I LOVED this book and its characters and the romance so so so much, but do heed the trigger warnings as it starts out pretty dark), Plain Bad Heroines by Emily M. Danforth (Horror that plays with metafiction, weaves together narratives of past tragedies at an all-girls boarding school with the making of a contemporary film about those events, lesbian+bi+polyamorous rep, grossnasty bug stuff+picnic at hanging rock vibes. An absolute blast!).

Okay those are all my recommendations for now (and limited to just what I've read this year) BUT if you're looking for a specific genre, type of representation, or even just something more lighthearted than most of what I've mentioned, please don't hesitate to ask! I definitely have way more things I could've recommended if I didn't want this post to be a million miles long. Also thank you for asking! :^D

[jackalsinthekitchen]

pop report #7 (billboard hot 100, week of 5/18/24)

america is not bored (for a minute, anyway)

Sometimes America gets bored, and dilutes its own hit parade. Only mass disengagement – ideal in an election year – could let that sacred democratic space become occupied, sorry preoccupied, with ranking thirty-one new Taylor songs from least to most enervated. But last week’s chart reflected a striking exception, a national rubberneck. For Drake and Kendrick Lamar are, yes, quite conceivably the Mike Jack and Prince of their genre (a proposed big third has been reviewed and rejected), and no serious, high-profile hip-hop feud has yet graced the streaming era. The 5/18 Hot 100 reflects a sudden, vicious bloom of disses, each star ultimately having accused the other – with apparent sincerity – of something unforgivable. It was savage, yet it perversely brought out the best in both artists, and showed up the old-headline hits as trivialities.

Drake has no status as an innovator, though his preference for doleful singing over speaking has proven influential, helping blur the lines between popular genres. Moreover, he can but must not dance – ergo, not much of a Mike Jack. Yet his place is secure atop the album charts, no matter what he’s on about this time around, and he rivals fellow maybe-mercenary Swift for consolidating power over time. Kendrick’s prolificacy would earned him a verbal dressing-down from the spirit at Paisley Park, and his joie de vivre dwells at an opposite pole. But unlike the Dylan Nobel, that K-dot deserved his Pulitzer felt self-evident. As with Jackson and Nelson, the division of clout and cred feels clean until you stare longer – and also, the artsier one is much pricklier about being associated with the less artsy one closer to world domination.

Amid innumerable chronicles of the fracas are good articles; the beef isn't mine to condense. But the records remain the record. In a field of cherry-bomb epics, Lamar’s “Not Like Us” scorched the widest radius, and now it’s a #1 forever, just like “First Person Shooter”. After a breath of sweet soul comes that graveyard stab of strings, pilfered from a Monk Higgins cover of Ray Charles’ ominous lament “I Believe to My Soul” and sped the hell up. Lamar is hopped up on his own venom, every accusation a gouge; he means fucking business, and it’s the coldest of kills (“stab this way, stab that way”). It’s ruthless, but the smooth dexterity of his performance is riveting – whatever’s on the tip of his rapier, the music is still the point, which helps the unease go down easier.

After all, imagine what a dark landmark this would be if hip-hop’s most handsomely paid icon is, y’know, guilty of all that. “I think that Oakland show gon’ be your last stop,” Lamar spits, after raising (as opposed to prefabricating) the specter of Tupac, half of the most famous such feud – a bicoastal tempest that left two all-time luminaries dead. Without comparing each hypothetical loss to art, the threat of either principal failing to survive this spat has been too terrible to touch, the way the horrific inconvenience of a civil war maybe keeps it from manifesting in our violently polarized era. The level of discomfort this event has and could attain was built to compel morbid fascination. As Americans, we’re awfully accustomed to unimaginable outcomes – and what we move on from says strange things about our ways of processing.

But even when we can't, we often insist on stepping into a sweet denial chamber for a second. Sandwiched between two million-selling musical murders is “Million Dollar Baby”, the club-ready runaway smash from one of those sleepy-eyed white guys with a certain kind of facial hair. The now-aptly named Tommy Richman is from TikTok, and his robotic funk savvy reminds me of Peter Brown’s “Do You Wanna Get Funky With Me”, a one-man simulation of something Black that feels bloodless, but more than functional. The summer and its songs are now upon us, and one of them is that other musical murder: “Euphoria”, Kendrick’s first full-length shot across the bow. “You’re not a rap artist, you’re a scam artist” has waited behind a lot of lips since Drake’s ascendency, but nothing could sound as juicy as Kendrick just letting it slip over a dreamy Teddy Pendergrass sample. Then he erupts with molten contempt, trenchantly transforming a human mess into something profound.

“This conflict did not begin with an act of violence,” Michael Harriot reminds. “In a sense, [this] is really about Black excellence.” And although Lamar’s bars being brilliant is as foregone a conclusion as Drake’s next album going #1 – though any fallout remains to be seen – it remains the apparent responsibility of the Black musical icon to vault over established standards, to pull out every stop. No album has masterpieced harder than Cowboy Carter in a hot minute, and had it lassoed the entire top 10 like Swift’s album did, it would’ve resulted from a livelier, more rewarding mass listening project. Yet stats suggest Taylor’s unwieldy latest affair is winning the attention war – though it rarely gets more exciting than the dirgey “Fortnight”, a flagship single featuring Post Malone, the original sleepy-eyed white guy with a certain kind of facial hair.

Though the album gives up slow rewards (like “I wanna kill him”, it’s in stray lines that hit you sideways, as opposed to the inescapable hooks we rely on her for), I’m on Team Disappointed – and yeah, tTPD’s concurrence with Beyoncé’s ambitious and open-armed coup amplifies my chagrin. The theory that unprecedented validation has eroded TS’s humility and editorial sense is confused by how casual and canny Midnights was at once. Maybe after a tumultuous personal spell and a generous spectacle of a victory-lap tour, this functioning workaholic has earned a This One’s for Her. Yet the album’s overall efficacy as a sedative or a diary feels limited, especially comparing it to the sumptuous acoustic textures and painstaking craft of folklore. She’s not banal yet, but the watered-down EDM “Fortnight” revisits is beginning to wear thin.

Three places down from the archetypal club hit by the white kid is a folky country banger by Shaboozey, a Black performer, rather closer to Zach Bryan’s misty reveries than Morgan Wallen’s rap-smitten flexes. “A Bar Song (Tipsy)” stands as strong a chance of uniting and lighting up a crowded room as “Million Dollar Baby”, though the vibes are otherwise irreconcilable. Our country’s ever-unresolved racial dialogue can feel most productive, or at least most interesting, in the pop-musical realm, though it isn’t always easy to know what questions and answers the constant cross-pollinations are raising. Disheartening recent influx of male artists notwithstanding, the way the Blackest and whitest pop genres are talking to each other right now is politically exciting. It goes beyond softened borders, with Bey’s panoramic expansion of an old Ray Charles concept merely the most pointed, adventurous example. But masc vs. femme, Black vs. white, queer-coded vs. painfully straight, in the box vs. new under the sun, Champagne Papi vs. Kung Fu Kenny – our musical landscape is an ever-restless one, the central conundrums rarely under threat of resolution.

My point, such as I have one, is that if you slice off the top of the charts you always end up with an interesting double record, with even the most recent Swift swallow a more interesting double record. Cue up side 2 of whatever variant you chose of this round, and you get the casually buzzing hornet’s nest “Like That”, with Kendrick already sounding brutally peeved on his verse. The needle then hustles you into the petulant intro to Drake’s “Family Matters”, for which “Euphoria” already provided some context if you’ve been off the grid. Drake's track lands no point harder than how long this month has lasted.

Compare the normally sedate, reflective Kendrick’s palpable anger – you feel the threatening brush of the quills of his mind – to the normally sedate, unreflective Drake’s manufactured-sounding intensity. His sense of affront sounds weakened by his well-funded complacency – easy to project, like the idea that he farms out his verses. But rap is like jazz; the central instrument is too communicative to conceal much. For the former Degrassi MVP, anything like sharpness feels like an imitation. He sounds inconvenienced where his rival sounds murderous, a comprehensible tactic that as fits go earned worst-dressed on the skirmish’s fizzled-out conclusion(?), “The Heart Part 6”. “Matters” is a deft cut which admirably matches the mood-shifting “epic” vibe of “Euphoria” et al. But even with Drizzy stepping up, the contest was never exactly a close one.

The temptation down the rabbit-hole of whether Kendrick is a spousal abuser – a charge so hyped up in the drop, it has the feel of a secret a kid can’t keep in, rather than, like, a lie – isn't much match for the distracting allure of Sabrina Carpenter’s “Espresso”, the latest surefire trifle in a neo-neo-disco wave. Dance music hasn't sounded so percolation-for-percolation sumptuous as it does on this (or, say, the casually flawless “Dance the Night”) since Nile Rodgers was still [c]hic. The song’s unhesitant strut is the kind of thing you just bow down to, pure feelin-yourself momentum from a versatile new star whose identity appears as malleable as Chappell Roan’s is uncompromising. Its phrasemaking, its effervescence, its on-vacation give a fucks – the song is like “Flowers” in full flower, being single as a garden of delights earthly and otherwise.

This top ten is rounded out by a far more gentlemanly duel, for it’s the season of not just the sticks but the Growly Boys. The unabashedly dramatic “Beautiful Things” and “Lose Control” are how-tos for those interested in self-immolation, over a cause Macklemore will swiftly remind you isn’t the end of the world (love, or pussy I suppose. or both). Benson Boone and Teddy Swims sure do have diaphragms; not a dandruff-grain of irony sullies either’s heaving shoulders. Each song has a guaranteed valentine future: karaoke challenge, front-lawn boom box staple, so forth. And both, if you listen over and over (which, why), largely validate their own abundant sincerity. Both also serve to make the “take me to church” guy sound like a paragon of smoothness and restraint, on his new one, which lands like a less self-satisfied, slightly doomier Maroon 5 hit.

Other chapters in America’s bestselling beef (“meet the grahams”, “Push Ups”) fill out the top twenty – the album this feud forms is a great, if bitter and bewildering, one – dispelling a slow-moving cloud of flukes and superstars. SZA, always a lot more subtly exhilarating than people seem willing to concede, continues to gaze out over the waves she rode last year. Ariana finds her place in the moment by encouraging single-soul vulnerability, rather than trying to lead an army of discontents to liberation. Taylor simulates the instant standards she didn’t hold herself to writing this time, dragging herself to the gym and onstage, feeble but serviceable revisitations of “Anti-Hero” self-loathing and “Bejeweled” self-puffing. Jack is still in a post-nut haze, Noah is still wistfully welling up, and Zach and Kacey are still stuck somewhere between the present and past – reminding us just how hard this moment will hang on as it fades into whatever’s next, as moments do. Whatever we don't remember, someone will.

[gaykarstaagforever]

I don't understand why people think Gladiator is exceptionally good.

All of these mid 90s to early 2000s historical melodramas are of exactly the same quality. Braveheart, Last of the Mohicans, Gladiator, The Patriot, Troy, probably like 10 other ones I don't remember.

Dances with Wolves may be slightly better? A little more of a sense of humor to the characters? But then Costner did Waterworld and The Postman, which is taking this kind of stuff and going hard the wrong direction with it.

All of these are hammy miahmashes of actual history written by people who read part of one pop-history book about the topic, where complex historical events are boiled down to one usually Mel Gibson having to sacrifice themselves to inspire rock-stupid people to rise up for great justice. The screenplays are flat, the characters are morality play tropes, violence solves problems instead of causing more problems, and John Williams had to write another variation of the Superman theme to lend epic weight to what is really kind of B-grade action and plotting.

I'm not saying this is bad. It's a style and it's entertaining and all of these are fun so long as you don't think too much about any of this. But why do people seem to remember Gladiator being "the good one"? It isn't. It is just another one.

People love Braveheart too, inexplicably. And it's exactly the same. And The Patriot is goofy and ridiculous. Explain. Sure, Mel Gibson stabs a horse with the American flag. But in Braveheart a bunch of drunken goobers stab a whole ton of horses with sticks the guys on the horses should have clearly been able to see, and that's classic cinema.

I don't get it.

Plus I still think The Patriot has the best John Williams theme.