#best hater upper round 2

[web-novel-polls]

Best Hater Upper Bracket

Please vote for whoever’s best at being a hater, not who you like the most. If unfamiliar with a character, check out the propaganda below the cut! 

Shen Yuan / Shen Qingqiu from The Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System 

Submission 1: He was an anti fan that literally got so mad at a novel he was reading that he died and then was transmigrated into the novel he hated (besides the main character) as the villain. The author of said novel also transmigrated and they formed a love/hate broship.

Submission 2: 

My man is the hater-est hater to ever hate, except like Kendrick Lamar. He hate-read a webnovel with over 20 million words, and left scathing commentary on every single chapter. Even the author Shang Qinghua, of the webnovel PIDW, which by subtext was very very popular, knew Shen Yuan (Peerless Cucumber) as the legendary anti-fan.  He hated it (everything except the protagonist Luo Binghe) so much that after reading the last chapter, he choked and died (...slight exaggeration). Shen Yuan also proceeded to transmigrate into the novel, make everyone fall in love with him, use the power of headpats and 'a smile from the cold beauty' to overturn the genre from harem-esqe to danmei, bending the protagonist. Tldr, the power of Shen Yuan's haterism turned Cool Edgy Awesomely Powerful Protagonist Luo Binghe to soggy wet clingy white lotus bing-bong Bingmei, and it's honestly better off this way <3 

Submission 3: he's an internet hater screenname Peerless Cucumber who hates this webnovel so much he dies and transmigrates into it to fix the entire plot and also he's left so many hate comments the author (fellow transmigrator) knows and remembers who he is after being in the webnovel world for decades. Dedication. 

Yu Ziyuan from Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation

Submission: I would not blame anyone who went through the first half of the story believing that Yu Ziyuan hated every single person she ever met because she talks shit about her husband, her son, her adopted son, and her daughter whenever she gets the chance to. Sometimes all at the same time. She projects so much raw hater energy that she psychologically scarred her son for life. 

[iphoenixrising]

DickTim Week 2021: Day 5 Winged!Talon Tim au

So. another dual prompt and I really regret nothing about this one tbh. I took tomorrow’s Talon and today’s Wings and made a Winged!Talon!Tim fic. Of course, I talked to the wonderful babes on Capes & Coffee about a what if combination and this just, whew. Careful, it might break your heart a little, but damn if it isn’t an interesting idea.

Not beta read, so don't be a hater :D

Previous Talon!Tim universe posts: The initial idea, Babe and I talking it out, Talon Training Ask, Ra’s vs the Court, Talon and Ra’s, Talon and Ra’s take 2, Talon and Shiva short.

**

Watching B take on the new and improved Talon is really the entertainment of the year.

Once upon a time it had taken all of them plus more to take down as much of the Court of Owls as humanly possible. Of course, like rats, the Bats knew there would be no way to get the entire Court or all the Talons, not when the upper echelons of Gotham had spent the better part of 200 years creating, storing, training, and obtaining more.

Politicians were investigated, corrupt cops removed, and criminals burrowed underground once word of what the capes did to save the day got passed around.

For the first time in years, crime in Gotham was at an all time low.

But, as the coin flip dictates, nothing good lasts forever. Trouble is always brewing below the surface to eventually rise to the top and try to take over.

Case in point:

The Bats of Gotham have come up against a new threat wearing the signature Talon armor, and the call goes out to all available capes for help taking on the undead mercenary before another crime family ends up in the Obituaries rather than Blackgate.

The fact the Court is still up and running after the Batfamily took them down in a fiery blaze that ended with all their Talons gone, Sensei exposed, and most the ruling families imprisoned or poisoned by Lincoln March, is like a kick to the abdomen after they closed that particular book. Worse, with a new Talon soldier is sighted running around Gotham, another circus kid has been kidnapped and turned into the right hand of the Court of Owls. Dick, with his absolute survivors guilt, is the one to make going after the Talon and whoever is still behind the scenes a top priority.

Which is how they find themselves in the middle of Knight’s Stadium facing down a Talon that is too short to be March. Red Hood, Nightwing, Robin, Batgirl, and Black Bat pretty much got their asses handed to them in the first twelve minutes. Pretty hard to understand until you take into account the new and improved Talon facing them now is terrifying in a completely different way than most undead assassins are.

He knows them.

He knows them in ways that lets him fight fast and furious with vicious accuracy, striking at weaknesses few of the vigilantes of Gotham realized they even had.

He isn't as big as Lincoln or even Cobb, not nearly as old. He hasn't been kept in cryostasis waiting for the next generation to need his skills. He doesn't have creaks in his joints from being put on deep freeze too many times.

This one is silent and efficient, obviously trained in multiple types of martial arts, is highly proficient with or without the standard Talon knives, is a master tactician, counters the majority of their moves with alarming consistency–

and the fucking Talon has wings.

Honest-to-God wings.

Everyone had assumed the metal monstrosities on his back were weapons of some kind, but the glint of steel in the streetlight flash a warning before the lumps moved in an arch, extending far out past his shoulder blades, slicing into Red Hood’s body suit with a razor-sharp edge, shredding the armor like paper.

It’s not enough he’s got weapons obviously made specifically for his skill set, it’s not enough he’s an assassin and doesn’t hold to the same standards of non-lethal combat, it’s not enough that he can use his wings to fly or to fight like he’s using another limb to kick the shit out of them, and it’s not enough that he effortlessly counters so many of their attacks that he has to have some kind of inside information on all of them and their fighting styles.

The knives are definitely a thing when the Talon can throw them hard enough to penetrate parts of their suits in between armored plating, which further drives the theory that this is a person they’ve dealt with before. Intimately. Few people in the world know how their suits are made. Even more, few people know particulars enough when their suits are constantly reconstructed.

The only thing on their side that tipped the scales in their favor–

–the Batman.

The wings threw him off his game, obviously, but not enough to stop B from holding his own with swift and merciless force.

It's like watching a dance of fast and furious fists, blades in Talon's hands glinting deadly in the night, finding B's suit over and over and over until he's made it to blood and bone. He takes every hit the Batman can dish out, head snapping back, left, and right with the volley of jaw-breaking blows and bone-shattering kicks.

None of it gives the Talon pause. When a move makes him drop a blade, another is already in hand, cutting into their body suits, wings flipping out to defend or distract, sweeping moves and well coordinated attacks.

The unnatural appendages are like another arm, another leg, an extension working on the same central nervous system, regardless as to how the Court managed to make it happen.

A jump kick off a trash can is a lucky shot as a wing catches B in the ribs hard enough to knock him into the wall of Mike's Famous Hotdogs. The only thing saving the Dark Knight from a concussion or permanent brain damage is the plating in his cowl.

It gives the Talon enough time to make a final bid for a battered Nightwing, Red Hood, and Robin struggling to their feet again, eyes for their fallen mentor.

Before he can lunge forward to start the attack yet again, the Talon just stops, pauses like he’s stuck or something, and in the span of a breath, both wings extend fully, flap powerfully once to propel him up into the Gotham night.

O tries her best to track his flight through the city, but no one’s arms are working well enough to toss a tracker on him.

She loses him over Cape Carmine, slams her palms against her system in frustration, makes sure she gets as much footage from the confrontation as possible.

After some sleep and a whole lot of bandages and ice packs, the Bat family meets in the Cave to watch the footage, breakdown the Talon’s fighting style, his weaponry, and make theories on his identity.

O helps out with readings she has of electronic pulses she managed to capture coming from the armor over his wings. She thinks she might be able to use it to track him if they can get close enough for her equipment to ping the signal again.

B makes a trip to Arkham since Freeze apparently hasn’t stopped producing the formula used to put Talons in cryostasis.

It’s not until Gotham’s power grid has a massive surge that O and the Bats can pinpoint a possible location, all of them invested in one hell of a fight to get the last rats still scurrying in the underground.

The plan of attack comes together smoothly once they’ve scoped out the location, seen the shady activity, and together, they make one hell of a plan.

**

And because, you know, Gotham, it is completely normal for the Court of Owl's headquarters to have a skylight.

Natch.

For this one, they've got Batgirl and Black Bat, Red Hood and Robin, Nightwing and B, a real family affair.

O's quiet voice over comms leading them through the maze of traps and empty rooms, abandoned libraries and spooky ball rooms. The laboratory isn't the most horrific they've all ever seen (because the Joker's summer place is literally the stuff of nightmares), but a few of them do gag on the smell alone.

The plan, however, goes horribly awry when the clear sounds of tormented screaming echoes from right under their reinforced bootheels.

Black Bat's fists clench hard, her breathing wheezes out when the tone, the utter agony goes right through her.

A shudder slides up Robin's spine as all of them turn toward the noise.

Without a flicker or a word, the Batman moves, strafing in the shadows toward the sound. He can't assume it's an innocent civilian with something the Court wants, but he's betting on the fact that scream will lead them to whoever is running the show.

The medieval room has bars and reinforced locks, implements hanging on the wall. The cement brick is stained rust colored with old blood, the vestiges of training, and the awful realization they've found another hidden niche in the city that always existed right under their noses is punctuated with the abrupt drop in temperature, with the sudden charge in the air, with the zzzzcrack snapping beyond the door, replaced with a muted buzzing Robin can feel in his back teeth.

B is already on his way to the roof, Batgirl down through the floor vent while Nightwing picks the locks with fast precision, knocking the tumblers around.

Robin and Red Hood stay close to the reinforced door, balancing on the balls of their feet, katana and .45s at the ready.

Black Bat takes the high road, ceiling tiles giving way under her Bat-a-rang. She gives a sharp nod before she's up and gone.

"All right. Ready?" Nightwing stands, cracks his neck, flips his escrimas in both hands, works his shoulders to prepare for the strain of each blow he plans to give.

"Ya betcha ass," Hood murmurs low, a cut figure with both guns at his sides, gloved fingers on the trigger guard.

"Don't disappoint," Robin snarls, "either of you."

"Nice pep talk, squirt," Nightwing snickers.

"Tt, back up your mouth with action."

"Better shuddap, Demon. Golden Boy ain't fuckin' 'round. Neither is the Bat. We get one more chance a' this asshole. We ain't gonna blow it again, ya feel me?"

"Finally, something we agree on, Hood."

"Other than N's shitty mullet?"

Nightwing swiftly glares at them both over his shoulder, unconsciously putting himself front and center of the trio, ready to be the first in once they get the signal.

– which is the sound of the glass raining down from the heavens.

Three booted feet kick the door hard enough to take it off the hinges, lying against the faded stains like a fallen body.

First step in the room is the complete opposite to what they'd all been expecting.

The two Owl masks aren't the usual, but a perversion of the originals, crudely drawn yawning mouths complete with fangs dripping blood.

But.

The boy on his knees, arms in a binder holding the appendages hostage at a painful angle, is dripping the real thing. Rivulets down his chest and where his back is partially visible. Some from the base of the wings going into the back of his shoulder blades where the skin is torn and raw.

The bar gag shoved in his mouth doesn't take away from the splatters on his chin, the bruising on his face, the swollen eye. But it's his wings that makes the Bats falter from the initial rushing attack.

His wings are without the armor, are bound straight up above his restrained body with hooks grotesquely puncturing through the downy softness, desecrating the beauty with blood and gore. The angle makes the pull to his back where the wings are part of him just another agony on top of atrocity.

"Fuck," from the first Owl mask, and a swift move frees the Talon's bound arms, the appendages flopping uselessly to the floor, only his trapped, tortured wings keeping him up on his knees.

The second Owl shoves the first back, "let him take care of them. Let's get out of here!"

The first Owl snarls out something low and foreign, the phrases rolling off his tongue.

The words lock into place, and the Talon's head snaps up, snarling around the gag in his mouth.

When his face is finally, finally visible, the protectors of Gotham are frozen in their tracks.

Familiar violet-blue eyes, too-long blue-black hair, cut jawline and pointed nose. Tiny scar on his right cheek from the time he caught Ra's al Ghul's ring across the face.

"Jesus Fucking Christ," is barely heard through the Red Hood's synths and in no way fully expresses his utter horror at what these dirty motherfuckers have done.

Robin wretches, bile burning the back of his throat once those eyes swing up to the masked parody of the Owls and his bare upper body is visible through the blood and sweat on his chest, when the scars peeking through on his collar bones form a half-visible Y-incision, when the coloring of the bared wings now makes sense (robin's wings, Damian Wayne thinks with his heart beating pitter patter fast, and his stomach in knots, they put robin's wings on him...).

And the hurt, agonized noise coming out of Nightwing's chest is the only noise he can make when those dimmed, dazed eyes swing from the Owls back to the vigilantes frozen in their spots, when there's no spark of joy or fondness or stubbornness he's so used to seeing staring him down.

The errant thought, the first instinct, is the only humane way to deal with this new Talon is to put him down for good wars with the man behind the mask that only wants to reach out, wants to pull the Talon into his body and curve over, to scream at the injustice of it all, to rail at himself for not even suspecting.

Another switch flipped and the hooks release his wings, blood splattering on top the old stains.

"Get them! Don't fuck it up this time or you won't get another chance," the second Owl shoves the Talon's injured shoulder in the direction of the horrified vigilantes.

They don't even bother to take the gag out of his mouth before setting him on his target.

A flap of wings, and the Talon is on his feet again, swaying only slightly. He's in the boots and pants from earlier, the rest of his uniform tossed carelessly behind him by his tormentors. A sweep of his feet and the knives glint in bare palms, a whisper of a sound.

The curved, clawed blade glints in the overhead light when the Talon raises it and cuts the strap of the bar gag in his bloody mouth, turns his head to spit it out without looking away from the vigilantes.

The Batman, grim and stoic in the face of this surprising turn of events, gives the barest nod. From her hiding spot behind the complex machinery, Black Bat takes off after the running Owl members, leaving the rest of the family to deal with their former third Robin.

The wings flinchingly flare out and their former bird hunches over, ready for the attack.

“Wait! Wait, wait, wait,” the Red Hood removes the helmet, leaves the domino underneath. He keeps one hand out in peace, slowly dipping down to put his helmet on the ground. “Is us, Tim. Timmy. Baby Bird. Is us. Yer family. Gotta lookit us, yeah?”

For the first time, the Talon speaks, “who’s Tim?”

And then he lunges.

**

The fight happens very differently this time.

The former power behind the punches is obviously dulled with the Talon’s identity reveal. He doesn’t hold back, is utterly ruthless with his attacks. He takes out B’s right knee, puts Hood down on the stained floor, knocks Robin into the wall with crushing force, and slams Batgirl’s head off the operating table.

He stands over Nightwing, wicked blade in hand and robin’s wings spread wide. He takes a knee, the sharp edge right above N’s adam’s apple, staring down impassively into the whiteouts.

“Timmy,” N spits blood, grunting when one knee pins his arm down. “Timmy, please. I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry. I love you and I’m sorry they did this to you.”

Those eyes don’t change in the slightest. “You should not have tried to oppose the Owls.”

“We beat them once,” Nightwing gasps, “and you helped us, Baby Bird. You were with us then, don’t you remember.”

“I was nothing before the Court perfected me,” the Talon replies emotionlessly.

“You were perfect before they ever touched you.”

“No,” and the Talon leans down, puts them a breath away. “The only thing you and those others do is put the criminals back in prison, back in Arkham for them to escape again, for them to kill and destroy over and over again. Like this, I can stop them permanently.”

“Oh Timmy,” and behind the whiteouts, Nightwing’s eyes spill over, his vision wavery. “Timmy–”

“Don’t call me that. Stop calling me that.”

“You know me, you know us. You have to remember–”

“Lies. All of it lies!”

Nightwing’s chest stutters, his fist clenching, “it’s not. None of it is. Not even this–”

And he’s fast enough to grab the back of the Talon’s neck, to lean up enough against the blade pressed against his throat, can bring their mouths together, can kiss him like he’s dying and the Talon is the only thing that can save him.

It’s sloppy and awkward because the Talon doesn’t know what’s happening, gasps against the vigilante’s mouth. The tongue sliding over his, the muffled moan in his mouth sparks something in the back of his brain where the Court of Owls could never touch.

When Nightwing pulls back, stares up at wide violet-blue eyes, when the blade falls away to clatter against the block, when the Talon’s mouth trembles and tears fill his eyes, when his wings flutter and falter, fold in on them both, when his voice goes hoarse with, “D-Dick?” Nightwing throws both arms around his waist and holds on.

[dwtsfun]

Dancing with the Stars Season 3 Rewatch: Week 9

So we are at the semi-finals. And these are redemption dances/the couples' choice.

Ballroom Round

Mario and Karina- Tango (Judges' Score=30, My Score=10)- Perfection. I don't think I need to say anything else.

Emmitt and Cheryl- Waltz (Judges' Score=29, My Score=9)- I really really loved this dance. It was very magical. My only issue was his hands every now and then. The energy didn't flow all the way through them at times. But it was only a very miniscule critique.

Joey and Edyta- Quickstep (Judges' Score=29, My Score=9)- First of all, I'm shocked that they didn't get ripped apart by the judges for breaking hold in the middle of the dance. I'm glad CAI said something about it and stayed consistent unlike the other two. It was pretty good for the most part. His frame is still very peculiar to me, but that's it.

Latin Round

Mario and Karina- Cha-cha (Judges' Score=29, My Score=9)- So I'm going to say that this dance was great. His arms have gotten so good over the weeks. You all know that that has been my biggest issue with him. I do have to agree with Len here. I do think there was a tad too much non-cha-cha in it and not enough partnerwork.

Emmitt and Cheryl- Cha-cha (Judges' Score=30, My Score=10)- This is where I feel Cheryl shines over so many other pros. Like the dance before, there was non-cha-cha content here. However, I think Cheryl did a much better job of balancing out everything and making the transition between each style a lot more seamless. Emmitt killed it though. His feet were really good. He fixed the stompiness. He was super light on his feet, like he was so well known for all season. It was fun. And he put on a show.

Joey and Edyta- Rumba (Judges' Score=30, My Score=9)- Joey definitely redeemed himself this week in my opinion. He performed two high quality dances. As this couple's biggest hater (I went in thinking that I would be this way about Mario and Karina), I have to say that he thoroughly impressed me with these dances. The weird issue he has during his Latin dances with his masculinity battling his femininity was basically nonexistent during this rumba. He was nowhere near as stiff in his upper body. And he just felt a lot more comfortable. I wanted more hip action from him, but this was a great dance.

My Ranking and Scores Out of 60:

1 Mario and Karin- 59 (30 for tango, 29 for cha-cha) = Emmitt and Cheryl- 59 (29 for waltz, 30 for cha-cha) 3 Joey and Edyta- 56 (27 for quickstep, 29 for rumba)

So this was the end of the road for Joey and Edyta. And like I said earlier, they had a great week to go out on. They impressed me. They had two of their best dances of the season (I still believe that foxtrot was his best). I think they should be proud of how they went out. That's it for the semi-finals and I will be back to write about the finals in like 2 hours lol. Let me know your thoughts.

[herelivesahobbit]

Jane Austen Novel Listing

I'm getting into this list making nostalgia trip (I was hugely into it whilst a wee angsty teenager) so today, I will list the Jane Austen novels in my current order of preference (and why) : 6) Sense and Sensibility - At a very fangirl! level there was no couple I shipped in this story which made my teenage self really hate it the same way my childhood self hated any books without good food descriptions. Now, tho, I kind of love Elinor and the ambiguity of Willoughby. Still, it's too preachy and prim and the plot is rather ridiculous. 5) Mansfield Park - As per the usual rite of passage for all Austen aficionados, I completely hated this one at first read, mainly because poor Fanny Price is all morality, less self-awareness, and no charm. However this novel actually has an excellent range of sharply drawn characters and a surprisingly well crafted plot. The Crawford twins might be my favorite Austen antagonists. Oh the delicious amoral ambiguity! I did initially want Fanny to marry Henry but the movie adaptations have me now firmly on team Mary / Fanny. 4) Northanger Abbey - The first one she wrote and the last one I read. The sheer number of times I laughed out loud while reading this novel should actually make this number one. Catherine Morland is perhaps her most lovable heroine and the cadence of the plot is pitch perfect. Really a perfect novel, except that actually it has no theme beyond 'lmao @ Gothic novels...chill'. 3) Emma - Listen I wrote a paper on this once so I have that love - hate relationship with it. A glorious showcase of Austin's satire. An unforgiving and relentlessly funny expose of upper class society and marriage. Mr. Knightley is by and far the best of her heroes. If not in sex appeal, certainly in gentlemanly-ness. It's too long and the plot rambles towards the end though. 2) Pride and Prejudice - ah the ⚓. The First One. The Original. I think a lot has been said already about this so let me just quickly heap on some more general praise and leave it at that. It combines a deftly paced plot with well rounded characters and sizzling wit. Really the ingredient X though is - chemistry. Liz and Darcy danced off the pages and into the imaginations of our fervent hormone fuelled minds (most people read this one as teenagers, I assume? ). I, too, liked the social/sexual struggle in lines such as - " In vain have I struggled...it will not do..." 1) Persuasion - her most mature and by far most layered novel. The gentle melancholy that pervades this novel makes the wit only that much sharper - and what a great first chapter. Might be all my time favorite novel opening. The angst and nostalgia and desperate conflict of love and ego creates perhaps her greatest love story. No, not Anne and Wentworth, but Anne and herself. Really it's a coming of age novel about Anne finally learning how to say FU to the haters so she can peacefully bone the hot pirate. I mean Captain. Great stuff.

[hanzi83]

Part of my Script for the Podcast

Here is a fun game you can play since most people who love to read or listen to my stuff, read along the script to see how much I ad libbed and how much I read. Trolls wanted to act like school children so I am going to treat you like school children and we are going to play cornball games like this. 

Podcast topics script 

It feels weird doing this podcast, and even though I have felt motivated doing this podcast for almost a week now, it just feels like people who have surrounded themselves by me online and have felt they have been a part of my life, whether it is them just forcing themselves into my psyche, where I am going to always think about them after making every move, because they know that I know whatever I say or do, they will be on top of it, and because I barely relevant in the grand scheme of things to the masses, I assume they think that I am going to always want them around because they are the only ones even talking about me, whether it is underselling anything I do that is positive, or memorize anything I have said out of irrational anger or just trying to joke around, they now have me in a bind where I am always going to have to address and engage the fucked up shit going on, especially spreading disinformation and making up rumors. Since I have started this podcast it feels like they will now attack a lot more aggressively because I am restraining from letting them have this much direct contact with me. 

It turns out the last episode was not even properly uploaded on Spotify or other podcast distributing sites, and I don’t even know how to fucking address it, was that done on purpose to show there is some censorship going on because people with power who might be close or far away are even shitting on any attempt for me to gain traction, and now they have found a way for me to have to be forced to get people’s help, or in my mentally ill brain, it will make me wonder if I am being fucked over by people claiming to be trustworthy, or someone powerful so the topic will always focus on the notorious trolls who have made a name the last year being really aggressive about the trolling and making sure I am living in fear, or does it direct the conversation back to Stern, because maybe in my head I am concocting this scenario where Howard will not let me get bigger, and will disencourage me from wanting to continue because they know it was a struggle just to start this basic podcasting shit, and now I am going to have to go learn how to fucking problem solve this distribution shit. It is fine, it is something else for you people to laugh at me about because even when I try to be creative and a little more productive, it becomes clear whether it is people in my life, my supposed fans or the powers that be don’t want me ever being on my own because they need me to be interactive with people who just want to remind me of every fucking insane thing I may have said or try to create rifts between me and others. 

I don’t even think people who I have become friendly with seem happy that I have decided to do something for myself, which is the criticism I receive the most from people, so when I do something on my own, still not sure if I am doing this right, or whether I will remain compelling to carry this out, or just not being tech savvy enough, I have gotten a few “I am proud of you” but for the most part I think people are scared of me being unfiltered even though I have stated that most of the shit on this podcast are from my delusional thoughts, and they are my theories. It becomes difficult because I listen to so many podcasts that wrap up and analyze politics, hip hop, wrestling etc, where I have now taken that for granted because I have become reliant on people spotting the interesting observations and analyzing it so my shit is just a reaction to that. Can I talk about the Childish Gambino album? I can barely articulate how to explain the different styles and instruments being used, all i can analyze are lyrics, and even now I am taking in so much hip hop to catch up on weekly releases, I don't even get to go revisit it again. Only joke I had for the Gambino album was that if I list off my favorite tracks from the album, people will think I am attempting to give away my router number in a drunken stupor. It feels like I have to come up with angles etc and if it has not become obvious I am reading this and I am sure writing it will come out better in my head than me attempting to reading it, and insisting on keeping up the fuck up because showing my mistakes seems to be the only interesting things about my stupid podcast

I know this take has been done to death on twitter or whatever echochamber, but I feel like I was a pioneer with all this social distancing shit. I have been exiled from everyone for so long and have spent countless nights sitting in my room in the dark, smoking a cigarette while the windows are open, just being depressed about not having anyone and then when I am around people, I don’t want to be around them because I find it more fascinating talking to myself and feeling my own thoughts and maybe that has to do with the fact that when I was younger I did not want to be alone with my thoughts. Like I did not want to even think about shit in fiction. Seeing Terminator 2 as a kid, being used to watching pretty PG kind of stuff, the part where the sun explodes and the entire earth is burning, I remember being freaked out and asking my friend if that could happen someday and he would say calmly “Yeah if there was a nuclear war” and it just made me not want to think about it and I would always want to be distracted because I was scared of having to think what is possible. I feel like people are now kind of going a little bit nutty by not being able to interact or go outside, and as someone who barely left his house since 2009 I assure you, you will survive this. 

I wanted to talk about the coronavirus shit but here is the deal, and this is probably why so many people who go the route of the lowbrow type of humor might gravitate to me, because realistically that is where my level of intellect should be because I have been so dumbed down for so long, I would wait for people who were smarter to kind of lead me, and agree with it even though I don’t know how to explain why the earth is actually round, but the evidence that scientists will tell you I will just pretend to understand and use their explanations and I feel a lot of people do that, even though the thing they are going with might be a fact but I bet if you got those people in a room alone to ask them off the record, a lot of people would be in admission that they have no clue, so I have no clue what the fuck is legit about this coronavirus, it used to be so simple just to have a few things that you sense as bullshit, but now with conspiracy theories also becoming a marketing tool, it has made me question that as well. Was it started in China? Was it planned from the US? Did Bill Gates do it since more interviews about him talking about the pandemic are making the rounds, are these celebrities really quarantined? Are they hiding in their bunker? Have they fled the planet and let their illuminati clones suffer? God damn man, tell me something. Some say this is to start a war with China, but if I think the Chinese government is corrupt and dangerous, then I am buying into neocon propaganda, but then if I think there are racial implications with taking advantage to this shit, then I am a hater of the US empire, because it is apparently okay to like US imperialism. There is so much to keep up with, and there are too many narratives. Maybe I need an illuminati microchip that can make me take all of this in and analyze properly because it feels like mentally I am 15 years behind or some shit. I just analyze the world like I think we are all in some reality show and the people who are the upper echelon and their associates of lower status are hooked up with some advanced shit. 

I feel like it is a serious thing happening, while some people are being Thanos snapped, but it is also a test run and all I am doing is being Doctor Strange and analyzing all the scenarios that are fucking possible of what could be happening. Will this be the one of the system’s sacrifices of mass people before a more deadly one is created. Is this a way to bring in more leftist policies and make an argument for socialism because if there were ever an event that is taking place that has given the best argument for it, it would be what is being so transparent with how businesses are acting, and how pretentious some of these celebrities are acting. They are supposed to be the villains now, so when you see a bunch of people circle jerking and singing the song Imagine, then you have Norm McDonald come out and give this overly religious message because being anti neoliberal, while making it seem you are anti left, makes right wing people think you are some hip dude because you are not politically correct

That is why I analyze shit the way i do, and I like being unfiltered while I am fucking wrong most of the time with my opinion, even though people have told me I am fucking right in some sideways like way but never bother to elaborate. I really think that this is all planned out, and there are good factions and bad factions. I believe people are having their last run as a baby face before they are revealed to be heels, when in actuality they are just playing heels. We are supposed to be calling it out, but it also seems that people that do call it out, do it with this far right perspective and maybe that is part of their propaganda to tell some truth, or maybe they are pretending to be truth tellers while still running a hustle. I have to think that we are far advanced, and maybe the people dying are being cloned for another planet, maybe the celebrities have escaped the system and are using their clones to fucking die on earth. I don’t fucking know anymore. It just all feels planned. I am not saying idol worship, which is a mistake we all have made, maybe some of you were smarter than most of us before, but it takes some of us some time. I still think they have really tried to hard over the course of the last decade to make it seem like people in the upper echelon are like regular people, and sure with emotions and depression and stress etc but I do think it is harder for them on some level because they are in a world with hidden people and have to embrace some dark ritualistic type of shit, and they make it seem relatable. Is this a way to crash the economy and is it for the sake of good or bad, because I think this whole Trump thing has been a way for people to be more woke and actually have a revolution, even if the whole thing is scripted, and the tragic thing is people will die. That is why in my fucked up brain I hope these people are spiritually somewhere else, maybe their consciousness will be transferred, or maybe there is another world after you die, and no I am not religious, but I believe we are far more advanced than we think. Am I right? Probably not. 

It is not all pretentious because I have enjoyed the hip hop element of storylines taking place during this pandemic, with the producers having their battles on Instagram live or Boosie asking women to put their pussy lips on live so he could then give her 1000 dollars. By the way because I think everyone becomes a character and a meme for social media, I am going to predict where this boosie storyline is going to go. He made some anti trans remarks, according to the T’s because he gave his opinion on Dwayne Wade’s daughter, and even though I think there is a sensationalized thinking of the worst case scenarios with this stuff, I do think there are people in the celebrity world who have agendas when they do it. Anyways I think with Boosie asking these women to strip for him, there is going to be a time where some chick is going to be shaking her ass and then she will somehow then reveal she has a dick, and then Boosie will react and he will become a bigger meme, and then to come full circle, it will be revealed to be a plot by the black fraternities he was beefing with a couple of months back. 

As far as the wrestling stuff goes, now here is where we go with layers. Let me preface this by saying whatever is happening with these institutions, I believe it is all planned for them. Since WWE is on the downswing, I don’t know if this will be a case of WWE doing well with what the hand they have seemingly been dealt, and people can toot their own horn that anything good that happens is when it somehow happens to be an accident, or maybe this is one situation where they are going to fall a part because they insisted on going on with this show when a pandemic is happening, so will wrestlers end up having it so we have more sacrifices and then people will really be outraged about WWE and mixing in the accumulated bad press they have received for other things. Maybe the bad press will be that instead of informing their fans of the safety of the wrestlers, they decided to pull the wool over our eyes and lie about Reigns being pulled so we assume the match is not happening. People will then think using a pandemic to pull the wool over our eyes was done in such bad faith. I don’t know what the angle they will decide to go with, but I know that there will unfortunately always be something that will be revealed about Reigns, because he is supposed to be a real villain, and lately he has been seen as a good company man and not talking down to fans. I feel like we are in the conspiracy era, and by the way it feels like America, which I have pointed out is like the attitude era just a little before Trump was becoming a political figure, and now in the world we are in the era of WCW shutting things down for couple of weeks and they rebooted it to start over with Russo and Bischoff. 

So I will be happy to talk more about wrestling but if you haven’t noticed and you can tell when I am reading, that I will probably mess up 15 times because even though this sounded good in my head writing it, it will not sound as clear because I tend to adlib a lot. But this podcast is a fucking failure and no one wants my vision of podcasts because it is not good enough until I give into how they want me to do it because it is not simple enough for them to move on to a next podcast but because they have entitlement issues over me, they think it has to be catered to people who have verbally jumped me everytime I log on, and then if they give me criticism I am supposed to just take their judgement as is and not add any context why i don’t react well to people telling me what I should do. If you are a real supporter of mine, you will understand the journey I am taking, and if you actually have respect for my mental health you will stop pressuring me to have guests and take calls when most of it is just trolling and not even anything creative. Why do you need to be a part of everything I do? Stop trying to bully me into doing it your way. I don’t care if people listen or not, I just want to express myself in a more healthier fashion than having to be reeled into drama on periscope and it is becoming so fucking sickening having to guess who is setting me up, are people confiding in me, knowing my shit is tapped, am I being put through morality tests. Sorry if me expressing my mental health is too fucking boring for you. Maybe some of you shouldn’t be part of my life. I will probably end up failing with this anyways. I fail at everything. I will probably fail at failing, because that’s how much of a god damn failure I am. 

[mastcomm]

After Culinary and Literary Acclaim, She’s Moving to the Woods

NAHMA TOWNSHIP, Mich. — It was only Saturday morning, and already the problems were piling up for Iliana Regan here in the rainy woods of Michigan’s Upper Peninsula.

Ms. Regan is a 40-year-old chef from Indiana with a Michelin star who last summer published “Burn the Place,” perhaps the definitive Midwest drunken-lesbian food memoir. On its cover, the chef David Chang calls her one of the best chefs he has ever known.

Ms. Regan and her wife, Anna Hamlin, who is 10 years her junior, have staked their future on these woods, where sight unseen they bought a late-1990s, four-bedroom cabin with pine log walls on 150 acres at the edge of the Hiawatha National Forest. They fixed it up and named it the Milkweed Inn. Last summer, they hosted their first guests.

The dream is that every weekend from May to October, 10 people will each pay $750 to nearly $1,000 to relax in the woods and immerse themselves in what some chefs and writers have started calling “new gatherer” or “deep nature” cooking.

If the chef René Redzepi (also a Regan fan) is the Nordic godfather of a culinary movement that cultivates a deep connection to the surrounding landscape, Ms. Regan is its Greta Thunberg, steering her tiny boat steadily into uncharted waters and attempting a new definition of what it means to be an American chef.

“She’s an example of American pragmatism,” said Mr. Chang, who invited Ms. Regan to cook with him last year at an event in Austin, Texas, and later interviewed her on his podcast. “It’s almost a liberal-arts approach to how she cooks.”

Her plan is counterintuitive: Make the remote inn successful enough so she and Ms. Hamlin can jump off the fame Ferris wheel near its apex and close Elizabeth, the Chicago restaurant on which Ms. Regan built her name.

The restaurant has won a Michelin star six years in a row. Jeff Gordinier, the food and drinks editor for Esquire magazine and a former reporter for The New York Times, called it “a funky, foraged, magic-realist vision of the Midwest” when he included it on his recent list of the last decade’s 40 most important restaurants.

Closing it would be a relief, the women said. No more wondering if they can make payroll or whether the dishwasher will show. No more pressure to scale a concept or seduce an investor or battle the haters on social-media platforms like Yelp, which Ms. Regan described in her memoir as a 10-ton penis relentlessly “boinking you on the head.”

She just wants to write, raise a family and fill her pantry with the wonders of the woods.

“Cooking is something I want to be doing until the end of time,” she said. “But I definitely don’t want to be 55 years old and running Elizabeth.”

On this weekend, with winter bearing down and a compound to secure until the first guests would return in May, it was hard to see how that was going to work.

On Friday night, after the staff at Elizabeth had served the last fresh doughnut dusted with blueberry powder, which capped her 14-dish fall tasting menu, the couple wrangled their three dogs into an S.U.V. and drove six-and-a-half hours to get here.

Around 2 a.m., they got lost on the network of profoundly muddy, one-lane logging roads that lead to the cabin. The next morning, Ms. Regan had to drive back out 25 miles to pick up a reporter and photographer at a minimart near the edge of Lake Michigan because the rain hadn’t stopped and the roads were too rutted for a city car to navigate.

Ms. Regan doesn’t so much arrive as she just appears, quiet as a deer. She looks younger than she is, in round eyeglasses and a yellow Minnesota Vikings watch cap she bought not because she is a fan but because she liked the looks of the Viking.

It’s hard to square the woman who quietly suggests a fried chicken thigh from the gas station as a road snack with the person who, before she got sober 10 years ago, ran away from the police in handcuffs, had sex in bar bathrooms and used her car key to administer bumps of cocaine.

“Because Iliana speaks with this high, gentle, childlike voice, I think some people underestimate her,” Mr. Gordinier wrote in an email. “She’s not an innocent kid lost in the woods. She’s actually the wolf. She’s fierce and independent and hungry.”

After a quick stop to pick apples from what seemed like the only tree in the forest that still held any fruit, we made it to the cabin. Almost immediately and despite the clear warning they give every guest not to pet him, Bear, her beloved Shih Tzu, bit me hard enough on the finger to draw blood.

There were other, bigger problems. Mice had discovered a bag of marshmallows left over from a summer s’mores kit. An enterprising rodent had dragged one into the banneton basket Ms. Regan uses to proof her sourdough bread, and hosted a mouse party.

A Knack for Foraging

Bread plays an outsize role in her life. She makes it from a starter she has been tending like a pet for 15 years. It took her a year to learn how to turn wild yeast and winter wheat flour into a perfect loaf with a hard crust and a custardy heart. She serves it as a separate course at Elizabeth, alongside cultured butter that has been molded into the shape of an owl.

The bread also sustains guests throughout their weekends at the inn, which starts with pierogi and smoked lake trout on Friday and peaks on Saturday with a 15-course dinner that might include wild blueberries in juiced wood sorrel, young milkweed pods fried until the insides turn as silky as cheese, and moose tartare.

“Making a good loaf of bread can entirely change my mood,” she wrote in her memoir. Executed correctly, the day is good no matter what else happens. Screw it up, and she feels sad and worthless.

The mice had ruined the proofing basket, so she improvised with a colander and a dish towel. Temperature and timing were not on her side. When she baked her loaf outdoors in a cast-iron Dutch oven tucked inside a ceramic grill, it emerged misshapen with large holes.

Redemption came in a steamy cup of tea brewed from three kinds of mushrooms, including some black trumpets like the ones she hoped we might find down by the river once the rain stopped. She has been making the dark broth ever since she ran an underground restaurant out of her Chicago apartment a decade ago.

“It’s her ‘Free Bird,’” Ms. Hamlin said.

One sip, and you think maybe they can actually pull this off.

Ms. Regan grew up with three older sisters on a 10-acre farm near Merrillville, Ind. Her bedroom had plywood floors, and the basement always flooded. The barn was crammed with used restaurant equipment, coffee cans filled with old parts and an abandoned light-blue Chevy, where she used to sit and fantasize she was on a date with a pretty girl. An outsider observing her young life, she wrote, might have bet she’d grow up to be an alcoholic transgender trucker carny.

Her mother liked to read Gourmet magazine and make her own pasta. Her father, a steelworker who never met a vegetable he didn’t want to grow, saw early on that she had a knack for finding the last ripe dewberry on a bush.

In an arresting passage in her book, she describes the day he taught her to hunt for chanterelles. She was about 5, and so focused on the task that she lost track of him. A drunk uncle who she recalls was always telling her what a pretty little girl she was, picked her up from behind and carried her into a dilapidated cabin. A family friend was inside, saving her, perhaps, from something terrible. He took her back to her father. As they headed to the car with their bags of mushrooms, a tornado spun through the sand and swept the family to the ground. When they finally made it home, her father placed her on a stool next to the stove and taught her how to carefully cook the chanterelles with red wine and butter.

“This was the day I slighted fate and became a chef,” she wrote.

By 15, she was already a hard worker, grinding it out in small-town restaurants. She was drinking, too. And chasing women. She tried studying chemistry at Indiana University Bloomington but realized she wanted to write, so she got a creative writing degree from Columbia College Chicago.

In between classes, she worked in restaurant kitchens, eventually landing a job waiting tables and expediting food at Trio, the restaurant the chef Grant Achatz ran before Alinea, where she also worked for him.

Despite the insight that comes with maturity and a decade of working the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, she can still obsess over criticism and the backbiting gossip endemic in professional kitchens. To wit, she had heard that Mr. Achatz didn’t think much of her.

Not so, he said in an interview. “There is a certain amount of honesty there that resonates,” he said. “She’s not playing the game.”

In 2008, Ms. Regan began selling food she made or grew at farmers’ markets, including warm pierogi she stuffed with beets and sautéed in butter. Chicago Magazine named them the best pierogi in the city. Two years later, she started a small underground restaurant with an elaborate menu in her apartment. Fans encouraged her to start a traditional restaurant and were willing to back her.

Ms. Regan opened Elizabeth in 2012, naming it after a beloved sister who was a drinker, too. She died, possibly from a stroke, during a night in jail that followed a fight with her husband.

Success, and Stranger Things

Elizabeth is a small restaurant tucked between a tire shop and a soccer supply store in a north-side Chicago neighborhood. The open kitchen in the back feels like something your well-off friends who like to cook might set up until their loft got remodeled. The décor is deeply personal, with thrift-store teacups and antlers and Funko figurines. In the bathroom, a collection of small logs leans against the toilet. A thoughtfully considered shelf holds bobby pins and a marble box of tampons.

It was here that Ms. Regan learned to weed out the arrogant young male chefs who challenged her authority and to temper her own tendencies to either withdraw or yell like a coyote and fire people if things weren’t done properly. She taught herself to become, in her words, a girl boss.

“I can’t really say I have gone to chef ladies for advice necessarily,” she said. Part of it is simple shyness, or maybe respect for their time. When she went to Sqirl in Los Angeles recently, she didn’t tell the chef, Jessica Koslow, that she was coming even though the two had cooked together before and had spent time together in Copenhagen at Mr. Redzepi’s MAD conference.

She just ate, and left a copy of her book. “I know how much pressure there is when another chef calls you up and says they’re coming in,” Ms. Regan said.

Ms. Koslow was disappointed but understood. “She’s just so cool by even doing that, for being someone who doesn’t need to be recognized,” she said. “She is just trying to be her, and that’s so refreshing.”

Doug Seibold, who runs Agate Publishing in Evanston, Ill., has an imprint dedicated to Midwestern literature. He had been following Ms. Regan’s career, and reached out five years ago, thinking she might want to do a cookbook. She didn’t, but she was interested in a memoir. It came out in July. By December, several publications had picked it as one of the year’s best.

“I think some people were unprepared for a Michelin-starred chef to be the daughter of a steelworker union rep who grew up with sisters who were drunk and fighting all the time,” Mr. Seibold said.

The memoir made the long list for the National Book Awards, the first time a food book landed there in nearly 40 years. The September morning the list was announced, she and Ms. Hamlin woke up to dozens of messages. They had no idea what had happened.

“I had to actually look up the National Book Award,” Ms. Regan said. “It was a huge shock.”

She is working on her second book. It’s about foraging, but also about inherited trauma and her family’s cooking lineage.

The book advances were small, and went right back into the restaurant. The couple relies mostly on income from cooking classes and Elizabeth’s popular theme menus, which can cost close to $600 for two with wine and can last three or four hours.

Ms. Regan created one inspired by the television show “Stranger Things,” and prepared her “Game of Thrones” menu by reading all five books and highlighting every food reference. During November, the theme was 1980s Nintendo. The menu featured dishes like a Super Mario mushroom built from a root-beer leaf with Meyer lemon and a slice of black truffle sandwiched between brick pastry.

“I basically gauge how far she is willing to go,” said Ms. Hamlin, who is as animated as her wife is introspective. She grew up in a Southern Indiana restaurant family, and fell for Ms. Regan when she was working for a wine distributor and landed the Elizabeth account. Now she is a full partner, running service, worrying about staff and matching beverages as eclectic as the food.

They also offer an elegant, seasonal tasting menu, which is so personal it can restore an eater’s faith in a format that has become cliché. Late last fall, she served a dense, rosy slice of duck that had been dry-aged for three weeks, with a sauce made from the apples and wild cranberries we had harvested together at Milkweed a month earlier.

Still, 2019 was a tough year, even though the book was a hit and they hosted their first guests at the inn. Ms. Regan had to close her two other Chicago businesses: Bunny, the Micro Bakery, which had been entangled with a difficult investor, and Kitsune, a 24-seat mash-up of Japan and the American Midwest that was a critical darling when it opened in 2017.

The closings were a blow to her ego, but she had to consolidate. It was the only way to save Elizabeth, expand the inn and create some semblance of a balanced family life.

“Everybody around me seemed to be, like: ‘Hashtag-cheflife, it’s all good,’ ” Ms. Regan told Mr. Chang on his podcast, “and I’m like, what are they talking about?”

She also had a miscarriage last year. Ms. Hamlin has medical challenges, so it’s up to Ms. Regan to carry their child. More attempts to get pregnant haven’t worked yet, but they’re trying.

On Their Own

The Milkweed Inn is all Pendleton blankets, deer taxidermy and wood smoke. The water pressure is great, and the basement is filled with new fishing gear and inflatable kayaks. A copy of the 2016 Best New Chefs edition of Food & Wine is in one bathroom. There Ms. Regan is on the cover, the only woman in a sea of 10 men.

You can rent one of three rooms inside the house, a platform tent or the tiny Airstream trailer the couple took around the country to cook pop-up dinners in 2018. It has a bumper sticker that reads “Ted Bundy was a Republican,” which is just one reason the handful of people who own hunting cabins nearby were initially suspicious of the two women.

After a walk to look for mushrooms, Ms. Hamlin removed the orange vests the dogs have to wear during hunting season. Ms. Regan was busy sweeping the new wood floor. She had two walleyes hanging by their lips over a fire outdoors, and a pile of chores to do before they left the next day.

Talk turned to what little progress has been made for women in the restaurant business and whether her book would become a movie and just what it means to homestead a new life here.

Ms. Hamlin is still adjusting.

“I know we’re safer here than when we’re in the city, but I am scared of bears and I’m scared of old white men sometimes,” she said. “This can be quite isolating.”

“That’s why I like it,” Ms. Regan said. She slipped on a jacket and headed outside to check on the fish.

from WordPress https://mastcomm.com/life-style/after-culinary-and-literary-acclaim-shes-moving-to-the-woods/

[timclymer]

Want a Nice Booty? Here Are Personal Trainers Top 5 Ways Of How to Get That Nice Booty!

Alright ladies, you say you want a nice butt. You talk about how you’re going to get your butt in great shape. At times you get envious when you see another woman walking around with a perfect butt. Well here’s your opportunity to get that butt that you’ve always desired. Get ready to have all those jaws dropping when you walk by and all those haters talking about your booty. Here are the 5 things you didn’t know about from Personal Trainers of how to get that nice butt! Check it out.

The Benefits of Glute Workouts:

Squats & Leg Press- The benefit to squatting & pressing is it activates pretty much every muscle in your lower body. You can focus more on Glutes and hams if you squat deep and wide and hold in a seated position for 5 to 10 seconds for the last 2 or 3 reps with that deep stretch. If you want to focus on quad development, then squat just to parallel and front squats are great too!

Lunges- Probably one the overall best lower body workouts. Great for quad and ham development and if you want to activate more of the glutes, you must lung deep and take a larger step and you can incorporate arm movement with it to attack your core. For all you women that want that amazing look this is exercise is a very important one to help you get there.

The Benefits of Bridging / Kickback Movements / – These movements keep the knees bent while they move the hips through a full range of motion. Because of the bent knees which decreases hamstring contribution and increases glute contribution and the emphasis on end-range contraction.

The Benefits of Dead lift / Good Morning Movements / Back Extension / – The movements work the hamstrings really well and they move the hips through a full range of motion while hitting the glutes pretty hard. If you want more glute focus try doing stiff legged dead lifts on a platform, so that you can get a deeper range of motion and stretch on those glute muscles.

The Benefits of barbell hip thrusts- The movement is almost like a bridge, but you focus solely on bringing your hips up through your heels and squeezing your Glutes. Try doing a bridge flat on the floor with a barbell across your pelvis and you’ll thank me later for your Glutes.

If I had to recommend 5 glute specific work outs, they would be:

Barbell hip thrusts & Single leg hip thrust

Deep-wide squats

Barbell glute bridge

Stiff legged dead lift on a platform

Box squat (high and low)

This is the way we transform a booty from sad to great!

Most women don’t understand what it takes to go from flab to fab in the glute region. Their butt’s are often wide and flabby, so the first thing that comes to mind is to somehow shrink it. The first idea is to basically starve themselves by putting their bodies in a huge calorie deficit and the second idea is do a ton of cardio thinking the butt will just magically appear after melting all the flab off. Though an individual does need to melt off that excess fat around the glute region through burning calories, they want to be careful and make sure its fat they’re oxidizing, not muscle tissue because they don’t want to be left with a flat soggy looking booty. In order to have a nice looking butt, a woman must have muscular shape to give it the sought-after round, perky, and lifted appearance. You want your glutes to grow from North to South, not East to West. It’s not easy to build glute muscle so they must train hard and intelligently. Some good news is glute specific exercises are difficult, so they are going to raise your metabolic rate as you workout. So the workout will burn fat off of the butt while simultaneously adding muscular shape. This is how you get a great butt!

Again, the best thing to do is you U-tube these workouts so you can get a good idea of ​​how to do the workouts properly and be better educated on the form, or have them demonstrated by an expert. Safety comes first and you also want to make sure you properly warm up close to 20 minutes before you perform these exercises. Perform these exercises with single body weight first to get the feeling for them and advance to 2-3 warm up sets with light weight. These Glute exercises can also be incorporated into full body workouts, just choose three Glute workouts and add them in with your upper body workouts. Remember the rep schemes I talked about, be wise. I recommend working your Glutes out 2-3 days a week, but make sure you get at least 48-72 hours of rest in between to allow muscle tissue to repair. Hit them hard damn it! Don’t be afraid to use weights and get that booty you’ve always wanted!

There you have it! This is what we focus on in my personal training programs. That’s the secret how Durham’s Best Personal Trainers help make amazing Glutes! Now spread the word so we can live in a world with Kardashian’s, J- Lo’s and Vida Guerra’s. Thank you.

Source by Richard Stadnyk

from Home Solutions Forev https://homesolutionsforev.com/want-a-nice-booty-here-are-personal-trainers-top-5-ways-of-how-to-get-that-nice-booty/ via Home Solutions on WordPress from Home Solutions FOREV https://homesolutionsforev.tumblr.com/post/187868210565 via Tim Clymer on Wordpress

[homesolutionsforev]

Want a Nice Booty? Here Are Personal Trainers Top 5 Ways Of How to Get That Nice Booty!

Alright ladies, you say you want a nice butt. You talk about how you're going to get your butt in great shape. At times you get envious when you see another woman walking around with a perfect butt. Well here's your opportunity to get that butt that you've always desired. Get ready to have all those jaws dropping when you walk by and all those haters talking about your booty. Here are the 5 things you didn't know about from Personal Trainers of how to get that nice butt! Check it out.

The Benefits of Glute Workouts:

Squats & Leg Press- The benefit to squatting & pressing is it activates pretty much every muscle in your lower body. You can focus more on Glutes and hams if you squat deep and wide and hold in a seated position for 5 to 10 seconds for the last 2 or 3 reps with that deep stretch. If you want to focus on quad development, then squat just to parallel and front squats are great too!

Lunges- Probably one the overall best lower body workouts. Great for quad and ham development and if you want to activate more of the glutes, you must lung deep and take a larger step and you can incorporate arm movement with it to attack your core. For all you women that want that amazing look this is exercise is a very important one to help you get there.

The Benefits of Bridging / Kickback Movements / – These movements keep the knees bent while they move the hips through a full range of motion. Because of the bent knees which decreases hamstring contribution and increases glute contribution and the emphasis on end-range contraction.

The Benefits of Dead lift / Good Morning Movements / Back Extension / – The movements work the hamstrings really well and they move the hips through a full range of motion while hitting the glutes pretty hard. If you want more glute focus try doing stiff legged dead lifts on a platform, so that you can get a deeper range of motion and stretch on those glute muscles.

The Benefits of barbell hip thrusts- The movement is almost like a bridge, but you focus solely on bringing your hips up through your heels and squeezing your Glutes. Try doing a bridge flat on the floor with a barbell across your pelvis and you'll thank me later for your Glutes.

If I had to recommend 5 glute specific work outs, they would be:

Barbell hip thrusts & Single leg hip thrust

Deep-wide squats

Barbell glute bridge

Stiff legged dead lift on a platform

Box squat (high and low)

This is the way we transform a booty from sad to great!

Most women don't understand what it takes to go from flab to fab in the glute region. Their butt's are often wide and flabby, so the first thing that comes to mind is to somehow shrink it. The first idea is to basically starve themselves by putting their bodies in a huge calorie deficit and the second idea is do a ton of cardio thinking the butt will just magically appear after melting all the flab off. Though an individual does need to melt off that excess fat around the glute region through burning calories, they want to be careful and make sure its fat they're oxidizing, not muscle tissue because they don't want to be left with a flat soggy looking booty. In order to have a nice looking butt, a woman must have muscular shape to give it the sought-after round, perky, and lifted appearance. You want your glutes to grow from North to South, not East to West. It's not easy to build glute muscle so they must train hard and intelligently. Some good news is glute specific exercises are difficult, so they are going to raise your metabolic rate as you workout. So the workout will burn fat off of the butt while simultaneously adding muscular shape. This is how you get a great butt!

Again, the best thing to do is you U-tube these workouts so you can get a good idea of ​​how to do the workouts properly and be better educated on the form, or have them demonstrated by an expert. Safety comes first and you also want to make sure you properly warm up close to 20 minutes before you perform these exercises. Perform these exercises with single body weight first to get the feeling for them and advance to 2-3 warm up sets with light weight. These Glute exercises can also be incorporated into full body workouts, just choose three Glute workouts and add them in with your upper body workouts. Remember the rep schemes I talked about, be wise. I recommend working your Glutes out 2-3 days a week, but make sure you get at least 48-72 hours of rest in between to allow muscle tissue to repair. Hit them hard damn it! Don't be afraid to use weights and get that booty you've always wanted!

There you have it! This is what we focus on in my personal training programs. That's the secret how Durham's Best Personal Trainers help make amazing Glutes! Now spread the word so we can live in a world with Kardashian's, J- Lo's and Vida Guerra's. Thank you.

Source by Richard Stadnyk

from Home Solutions Forev https://homesolutionsforev.com/want-a-nice-booty-here-are-personal-trainers-top-5-ways-of-how-to-get-that-nice-booty/ via Home Solutions on WordPress

[tylerarltunl]

Tyler’s Takes 8.0

April 21, 2018

Not a whole lot of sports to get to this week but I will provide my takes regardless of the little action there was. Got some college football, NBA, and my take on the NFL draft coming up so let us get to it.

College Football

Nebraska Cornhuskers

There were a lot of spring games today but only one of them was sold out. I do not if that is how desperate Nebraskans are for something good in their life or what but that is a record that will stand the test of time. Husker fans sold out a practice. I still cannot wrap my brain around how that could ever happen. I am proud to be a Husker and now to what I saw... Adrian Martinez is FAST. Or the Husker defense is slow.. This dude should still be in high school right now and put on one heck of a show. His passing will only get better and that is why I think he has the starting job in his sights. You cannot coach what he does with his feet and pocket presence and timing is either something you have or you do not have. He seems to have it and he is 18. My other player I enjoyed was Greg Bell.. Man it is nice to see some speed and vision in the backfield again. Wilbon had speed but no vision and to me Ozigbo had the between the tackles runs you want. Ozigbo is a change of pace back to me and I think he will be a great second string back behind Bell. One cause for concern... The field goal kicking looked awful. They have a scholarship kicker missing a 34 yard field goal.. that cannot happen. Not much to say about the defense only time and real competition will show there. Is it September yet? This Husker team is not going to impress a national audience this year. What I am looking for will not be wins on the schedule but some effort and attitude like they belong on the same stage with the upper tier teams which they will see enough of this season. What I want is 8-4 and with two wins coming from Michigan, Ohio State, Wisconsin, Michigan State, and Iowa.

Major League Baseball

-The Red Sox had won 8 in a row.. I finally get to sit down a watch a game from start to finish and what happens.. they get no-hit for the first time in 25 years. That is my luck. So a spectacular week turns into an okay week and maybe the bats go in a prolonged slump and they give this great start away... No-hitters can mess with a team so here is to hoping they get the win tomorrow and can forget about the awful game I sat through tonight. No bones to pick about starting 17-3 just a little salty they decided to play their worst game of the year the night I had free to watch them. 

-Thoughts and prayers to  White Sox pitcher Danny Farquhar who collapsed on Friday with a ruptured aneurysm.

-Danny Doughy had a nice tweet today. “I have as many wins as my dog right now” that pretty much sums up the Royals season so far. Moustakas is smacking the cover off the ball right now just keep uping that trade value for Royals fans.

-Braves and Phillies keep winning holla

-Yankees fans are so annoying... booing Stanton and giving him hell I mean dude is a strike out machine right now but no one but me will remember this behavior when he is hitting homers in late September. 

National Basketball Association

-My upset special was not that special.. I mean the Pelicans won but sweeping Portland shocked the hell out of me. I like getting proving right though so I hope you got it all out of your system AD. 

-Warriors are cruising (18 straight Western Conference Playoff Wins) YES! They actually look like they were waiting to flip the switch which is great news for me. Anthony Davis and the Pelicans pose a serious and real threat in the next round. Who guards him?

-The Bucks finally decided to show up at home.. They should be up 2 games to 1 and I would be a lot happier about that pick. They are not and the beat up Celtics are two games away from a series win.

-76ers vs. Heat as the best playoff series of the first round? I do not think so.. if D Wade does not go off in game 2 Philly is cruising. 

-Rockets look like old Houston tonight which made me happy. If Chris Paul doesnt get to a conference final with this team his haters will be out in numbers labeling him a great player who could never win. I think they do but tonight was interesting.

-The series I predicted as the best to watch OKC vs. Utah is playing out well. I love how these two teams attack each other and the crowds in both these small markets are what playoff basketball is all about. Really cheering for the Jazz because I picked them and hate Russ but Russ vs Harden would be an interesting option. 

-I said come playoffs you always take Lebron and I will be the first to admit when I am wrong.. BUT I would never be happier to admit I was wrong then seeing Bron go down in the first round. Watching him sulk and not give effort in the fourth quarter is why I am not a fan. Me not being a fan of him is not a mark on how great he is..  he has just always rubbed me the wrong way. Go Pacers!!

National Football League

-The Draft is too over-hyped... I hate all this talking and speculation about speculation. Not going to dive deep into the draft just my take on the Quarterbacks... I look at QB play as who is going to lead my team to the most wins year in and year out. Blah Blah Blah the talking heads will talk your ear off about what a guy can and cannot do.. Just give me a winner so that is how I would draft and that is how I will rank the QBs here.. This is a list of the guys who I think would lead their teams to the most victories and therefore who I would take and in the order I would take them. The first three I would stake as playoff caliber the last two as busts.. look for a steal (Mason Rudolph) to do some things as a late round pick.

1- Josh Rosen (Too much being made about his personality did not win at the highest level in college but will be the most successful)

2- Baker Mayfield (You can be short and win)

3- Lamar Jackson (Call me crazy but here I am most talented player in the draft)

4- Josh Allen (Everyone wants him to be Carson Wentz he is not)

5- Sam Darnold (Total Browns move if they take him does not value possession of the football and does nothing really well if he played at Illinois he would be below Mason Rudolph who should be getting more love)

One more and I am done

National Hockey League

-The Bruins had a chance to close out Toronto at home and failed to get it done. They move to 11-10 in Game 5s with a chance to close out an opponent. I think this goes 7 now but I stand by my champion. 

-Las Vegas was 500 to 1 to win it at all before the season started you have to know someone in Vegas took that bet.. and now they look like the second best team in the field. CASH IN THAT MONEY

-Washington is the most up and down team in hockey. More talent than they know what to do with but cannot put it together in the playoffs down 2 games to none to Columbus they have rallied back and lead 3-2 no one wants to play this team if they get over their yips

That will do it for me everyone I want to thank you for reading and as the weather hopefully gets nicer wherever you are reading this I hope you start to enjoy the spring and summer with whatever you find fun. For me it is getting on the golf course which I really value now. I am hitting the ball amazing I just cannot putt and the course is not to my liking right now (tight lies and dead spots). Just getting that handicap up for summer tournaments though! Everyone have a great week and Ill see ya back here next Saturday. 

[almajonesnjna]

10 Ways to Burn 300 Calories at the Gym

Through good weather and bad, busy schedules and not, the gym is always there for you. While the treadmill might get a bad wrap, it’s actually a trusty machine, and if we can’t convince you to give the treadmill a chance, here are nine other ways to torch 300 calories* in no time.

Go Back

See All Slides

Begin Slideshow

1 of

Begin Slideshow

Click Arrows Above

1. ROWING

Kill two birds with one sweat session and get a full-body workout while clocking cardio on a rowing machine. During the catch — the starting position for your row — you’ll engage your hamstrings, calves and lower-back muscles. During the drive — the full-body dual push and pull motion — you’ll fire up hamstrings, quads, calves, glutes, abs, pecs, traps, delts and triceps all while getting your heart pumping. At a moderate intensity, 40 minutes of rowing burns about 300 calories.

2 of

2. JUMPING ROPE

In the depths of winter, you might find yourself mourning the loss of fun outdoor workouts (beach volleyball, anyone?). Take the playground spirit inside by jumping rope at the gym. You’ll burn about 10 calories per minute, work your legs, butt and arms and maybe even knock your old schoolyard record out of the park.

3 of

3. BASKETBALL

Embrace the year-round activities you can still do in the gym — like shooting hoops. Basketball is a surprisingly good cardio workout. A 30-minute, half-court game burns just under 300 calories. Switch to full-court for a cardio boost.

4 of

4. CYCLING 

Even if your road bike has been relegated to the garage for the season, you can still clip in for a solid cardio session. Riding at 9 mph for about 45 minutes burns 300 calories. To increase your calorie burn or pump your heart rate up faster, crank up the resistance or move into a standing position as you pedal. There’s also always spin class, for a little motivation boost.

5 of

5. STAIRCLIMBING

When it gets too frigid to run stadium stairs, take it to the stairclimber at the gym. When done properly, climbing can burn 300 calories in 40 minutes while sculpting some serious lower-body muscle. Just mind your posture — hunching forward over the machine as you climb and taking short, quick steps can significantly reduce your burn.

6 of

6. JACOBS LADDER

If you like stair climbing, the Jacobs Ladder machine puts your workout into high gear. The machine, which mimics rock climbing or ladder climbing by engaging your upper body, core and lower body — is one of the best cardio workouts you can get in the gym. The faster you climb, the more you’ll burn, and the higher you’ll get your heart rate — you can torch 300 calories in about 20 minutes.

7 of

7. TREADMILL RUNNING

We’ve already said it, but we’ll say it again, the treadmill is a tried and true cardio workout. Work toward your next race PR by holding a running pace of 8 minutes per mile with 0% incline — you’ll burn 300 calories after just two and a half miles.

8 of

8. HIIT + TREADMILL

If the mere thought of running in place has you searching for excuses to procrastinate, keep your time on the treadmill interesting with a HIIT-style workout. Spend 5 minutes warming up at an easy pace before kicking it into high gear. After that, alternate between increasing and decreasing your speed and resistance in 1-minute intervals. After 30 minutes, you’ll have breezed through 300 calories. So much for gym boredom.

9 of

9. WALKING UPHILL ON THE TREADMILL

Walking at a pace of 20 minutes per mile for an hour burns about 300 calories — just make sure to keep your arms moving to boost your calorie burn. To increase the challenge and work on toning your lower body, bump up the incline.

10 of

10. ELLIPTICAL

For treadmill haters, there’s always the elliptical, which replicates the movement of running without the impact that can be rough on joints. Grab the handles to get your upper body in on the action. Beware: These gym machines are notorious for overestimating your total calorie burn even if you correctly input all your data — it takes about 25 minutes to hit your 300 calorie goal.

READ MORE > 7 RECESS-INSPIRED WORKOUT THAT BURN 400 CALORIES OR LESS 

*Calorie burn based on 150-pound, 35-year-old woman

The post 10 Ways to Burn 300 Calories at the Gym appeared first on Under Armour.

http://ift.tt/2Apnuqe

[web-novel-polls]

Best Hater Upper Bracket

Please vote for whoever’s best at being a hater, not who you like the most. If unfamiliar with a character, check out the propaganda below the cut! 

Jun Wu from Heaven Official’s Blessing (TGCF)

Submission: 

(Spoilers)

Tossing his old pals into lava and then destroying an entire generation of gods wasn't enough! He also ground the old generation of gods up and made them into the foundation of the new Heavenly Realm, so everyone steps all over them whenever they're walking around. Also an over simplified explanation of the entire plot is basically Jun Wu hears one phrase that sets him off and decides to be a giant hater because of it, destroying a whole kingdom within like three to four years in the process. This guy is the epitome of "...and I took that personally."

Wiki Link

Hua Cheng from Heaven Official’s Blessing (TGCF)

Submission: Treats nearly everyone that isn't Xie Lian with derision

Wiki Link

Additional Propaganda:

bro challenged 35 gods and killed 33 of them because they spoke ill of the guy he loves he held onto a grudge against one dude for not letting him join the army for over 800 years he ascended to heaven as a god, looked around at the other gods, went "ew" and JUMPED BACK DOWN

[neilmillerne]

10 Ways to Burn 300 Calories at the Gym

Through good weather and bad, busy schedules and not, the gym is always there for you. While the treadmill might get a bad wrap, it’s actually a trusty machine, and if we can’t convince you to give the treadmill a chance, here are nine other ways to torch 300 calories* in no time.

Go Back

See All Slides

Begin Slideshow

1 of

Begin Slideshow

Click Arrows Above

1. ROWING

Kill two birds with one sweat session and get a full-body workout while clocking cardio on a rowing machine. During the catch — the starting position for your row — you’ll engage your hamstrings, calves and lower-back muscles. During the drive — the full-body dual push and pull motion — you’ll fire up hamstrings, quads, calves, glutes, abs, pecs, traps, delts and triceps all while getting your heart pumping. At a moderate intensity, 40 minutes of rowing burns about 300 calories.

2 of

2. JUMPING ROPE

In the depths of winter, you might find yourself mourning the loss of fun outdoor workouts (beach volleyball, anyone?). Take the playground spirit inside by jumping rope at the gym. You’ll burn about 10 calories per minute, work your legs, butt and arms and maybe even knock your old schoolyard record out of the park.

3 of

3. BASKETBALL

Embrace the year-round activities you can still do in the gym — like shooting hoops. Basketball is a surprisingly good cardio workout. A 30-minute, half-court game burns just under 300 calories. Switch to full-court for a cardio boost.

4 of

4. CYCLING 

Even if your road bike has been relegated to the garage for the season, you can still clip in for a solid cardio session. Riding at 9 mph for about 45 minutes burns 300 calories. To increase your calorie burn or pump your heart rate up faster, crank up the resistance or move into a standing position as you pedal. There’s also always spin class, for a little motivation boost.

5 of

5. STAIRCLIMBING

When it gets too frigid to run stadium stairs, take it to the stairclimber at the gym. When done properly, climbing can burn 300 calories in 40 minutes while sculpting some serious lower-body muscle. Just mind your posture — hunching forward over the machine as you climb and taking short, quick steps can significantly reduce your burn.

6 of

6. JACOBS LADDER

If you like stair climbing, the Jacobs Ladder machine puts your workout into high gear. The machine, which mimics rock climbing or ladder climbing by engaging your upper body, core and lower body — is one of the best cardio workouts you can get in the gym. The faster you climb, the more you’ll burn, and the higher you’ll get your heart rate — you can torch 300 calories in about 20 minutes.

7 of

7. TREADMILL RUNNING

We’ve already said it, but we’ll say it again, the treadmill is a tried and true cardio workout. Work toward your next race PR by holding a running pace of 8 minutes per mile with 0% incline — you’ll burn 300 calories after just two and a half miles.

8 of

8. HIIT + TREADMILL

If the mere thought of running in place has you searching for excuses to procrastinate, keep your time on the treadmill interesting with a HIIT-style workout. Spend 5 minutes warming up at an easy pace before kicking it into high gear. After that, alternate between increasing and decreasing your speed and resistance in 1-minute intervals. After 30 minutes, you’ll have breezed through 300 calories. So much for gym boredom.

9 of

9. WALKING UPHILL ON THE TREADMILL

Walking at a pace of 20 minutes per mile for an hour burns about 300 calories — just make sure to keep your arms moving to boost your calorie burn. To increase the challenge and work on toning your lower body, bump up the incline.

10 of

10. ELLIPTICAL

For treadmill haters, there’s always the elliptical, which replicates the movement of running without the impact that can be rough on joints. Grab the handles to get your upper body in on the action. Beware: These gym machines are notorious for overestimating your total calorie burn even if you correctly input all your data — it takes about 25 minutes to hit your 300 calorie goal.

READ MORE > 7 RECESS-INSPIRED WORKOUT THAT BURN 400 CALORIES OR LESS 

*Calorie burn based on 150-pound, 35-year-old woman

The post 10 Ways to Burn 300 Calories at the Gym appeared first on Under Armour.

http://ift.tt/2Apnuqe

[johnclapperne]

10 Ways to Burn 300 Calories at the Gym

Through good weather and bad, busy schedules and not, the gym is always there for you. While the treadmill might get a bad wrap, it’s actually a trusty machine, and if we can’t convince you to give the treadmill a chance, here are nine other ways to torch 300 calories* in no time.

Go Back

See All Slides

Begin Slideshow

1 of

Begin Slideshow

Click Arrows Above

1. ROWING

Kill two birds with one sweat session and get a full-body workout while clocking cardio on a rowing machine. During the catch — the starting position for your row — you’ll engage your hamstrings, calves and lower-back muscles. During the drive — the full-body dual push and pull motion — you’ll fire up hamstrings, quads, calves, glutes, abs, pecs, traps, delts and triceps all while getting your heart pumping. At a moderate intensity, 40 minutes of rowing burns about 300 calories.

2 of

2. JUMPING ROPE

In the depths of winter, you might find yourself mourning the loss of fun outdoor workouts (beach volleyball, anyone?). Take the playground spirit inside by jumping rope at the gym. You’ll burn about 10 calories per minute, work your legs, butt and arms and maybe even knock your old schoolyard record out of the park.

3 of

3. BASKETBALL

Embrace the year-round activities you can still do in the gym — like shooting hoops. Basketball is a surprisingly good cardio workout. A 30-minute, half-court game burns just under 300 calories. Switch to full-court for a cardio boost.

4 of

4. CYCLING 

Even if your road bike has been relegated to the garage for the season, you can still clip in for a solid cardio session. Riding at 9 mph for about 45 minutes burns 300 calories. To increase your calorie burn or pump your heart rate up faster, crank up the resistance or move into a standing position as you pedal. There’s also always spin class, for a little motivation boost.

5 of

5. STAIRCLIMBING

When it gets too frigid to run stadium stairs, take it to the stairclimber at the gym. When done properly, climbing can burn 300 calories in 40 minutes while sculpting some serious lower-body muscle. Just mind your posture — hunching forward over the machine as you climb and taking short, quick steps can significantly reduce your burn.

6 of

6. JACOBS LADDER

If you like stair climbing, the Jacobs Ladder machine puts your workout into high gear. The machine, which mimics rock climbing or ladder climbing by engaging your upper body, core and lower body — is one of the best cardio workouts you can get in the gym. The faster you climb, the more you’ll burn, and the higher you’ll get your heart rate — you can torch 300 calories in about 20 minutes.

7 of

7. TREADMILL RUNNING

We’ve already said it, but we’ll say it again, the treadmill is a tried and true cardio workout. Work toward your next race PR by holding a running pace of 8 minutes per mile with 0% incline — you’ll burn 300 calories after just two and a half miles.

8 of

8. HIIT + TREADMILL

If the mere thought of running in place has you searching for excuses to procrastinate, keep your time on the treadmill interesting with a HIIT-style workout. Spend 5 minutes warming up at an easy pace before kicking it into high gear. After that, alternate between increasing and decreasing your speed and resistance in 1-minute intervals. After 30 minutes, you’ll have breezed through 300 calories. So much for gym boredom.

9 of

9. WALKING UPHILL ON THE TREADMILL

Walking at a pace of 20 minutes per mile for an hour burns about 300 calories — just make sure to keep your arms moving to boost your calorie burn. To increase the challenge and work on toning your lower body, bump up the incline.

10 of

10. ELLIPTICAL

For treadmill haters, there’s always the elliptical, which replicates the movement of running without the impact that can be rough on joints. Grab the handles to get your upper body in on the action. Beware: These gym machines are notorious for overestimating your total calorie burn even if you correctly input all your data — it takes about 25 minutes to hit your 300 calorie goal.

READ MORE > 7 RECESS-INSPIRED WORKOUT THAT BURN 400 CALORIES OR LESS 

*Calorie burn based on 150-pound, 35-year-old woman

The post 10 Ways to Burn 300 Calories at the Gym appeared first on Under Armour.

http://ift.tt/2Apnuqe

[joshuabradleyn]

10 Ways to Burn 300 Calories at the Gym

Through good weather and bad, busy schedules and not, the gym is always there for you. While the treadmill might get a bad wrap, it’s actually a trusty machine, and if we can’t convince you to give the treadmill a chance, here are nine other ways to torch 300 calories* in no time.

Go Back

See All Slides

Begin Slideshow

1 of

Begin Slideshow

Click Arrows Above

1. ROWING

Kill two birds with one sweat session and get a full-body workout while clocking cardio on a rowing machine. During the catch — the starting position for your row — you’ll engage your hamstrings, calves and lower-back muscles. During the drive — the full-body dual push and pull motion — you’ll fire up hamstrings, quads, calves, glutes, abs, pecs, traps, delts and triceps all while getting your heart pumping. At a moderate intensity, 40 minutes of rowing burns about 300 calories.

2 of

2. JUMPING ROPE

In the depths of winter, you might find yourself mourning the loss of fun outdoor workouts (beach volleyball, anyone?). Take the playground spirit inside by jumping rope at the gym. You’ll burn about 10 calories per minute, work your legs, butt and arms and maybe even knock your old schoolyard record out of the park.

3 of

3. BASKETBALL

Embrace the year-round activities you can still do in the gym — like shooting hoops. Basketball is a surprisingly good cardio workout. A 30-minute, half-court game burns just under 300 calories. Switch to full-court for a cardio boost.

4 of

4. CYCLING 

Even if your road bike has been relegated to the garage for the season, you can still clip in for a solid cardio session. Riding at 9 mph for about 45 minutes burns 300 calories. To increase your calorie burn or pump your heart rate up faster, crank up the resistance or move into a standing position as you pedal. There’s also always spin class, for a little motivation boost.

5 of

5. STAIRCLIMBING

When it gets too frigid to run stadium stairs, take it to the stairclimber at the gym. When done properly, climbing can burn 300 calories in 40 minutes while sculpting some serious lower-body muscle. Just mind your posture — hunching forward over the machine as you climb and taking short, quick steps can significantly reduce your burn.

6 of

6. JACOBS LADDER

If you like stair climbing, the Jacobs Ladder machine puts your workout into high gear. The machine, which mimics rock climbing or ladder climbing by engaging your upper body, core and lower body — is one of the best cardio workouts you can get in the gym. The faster you climb, the more you’ll burn, and the higher you’ll get your heart rate — you can torch 300 calories in about 20 minutes.

7 of

7. TREADMILL RUNNING

We’ve already said it, but we’ll say it again, the treadmill is a tried and true cardio workout. Work toward your next race PR by holding a running pace of 8 minutes per mile with 0% incline — you’ll burn 300 calories after just two and a half miles.

8 of

8. HIIT + TREADMILL

If the mere thought of running in place has you searching for excuses to procrastinate, keep your time on the treadmill interesting with a HIIT-style workout. Spend 5 minutes warming up at an easy pace before kicking it into high gear. After that, alternate between increasing and decreasing your speed and resistance in 1-minute intervals. After 30 minutes, you’ll have breezed through 300 calories. So much for gym boredom.

9 of

9. WALKING UPHILL ON THE TREADMILL

Walking at a pace of 20 minutes per mile for an hour burns about 300 calories — just make sure to keep your arms moving to boost your calorie burn. To increase the challenge and work on toning your lower body, bump up the incline.

10 of

10. ELLIPTICAL

For treadmill haters, there’s always the elliptical, which replicates the movement of running without the impact that can be rough on joints. Grab the handles to get your upper body in on the action. Beware: These gym machines are notorious for overestimating your total calorie burn even if you correctly input all your data — it takes about 25 minutes to hit your 300 calorie goal.

READ MORE > 7 RECESS-INSPIRED WORKOUT THAT BURN 400 CALORIES OR LESS 

*Calorie burn based on 150-pound, 35-year-old woman

The post 10 Ways to Burn 300 Calories at the Gym appeared first on Under Armour.

http://ift.tt/2Apnuqe

[albertcaldwellne]

10 Ways to Burn 300 Calories at the Gym

Through good weather and bad, busy schedules and not, the gym is always there for you. While the treadmill might get a bad wrap, it’s actually a trusty machine, and if we can’t convince you to give the treadmill a chance, here are nine other ways to torch 300 calories* in no time.

Go Back

See All Slides

Begin Slideshow

1 of

Begin Slideshow

Click Arrows Above

1. ROWING

Kill two birds with one sweat session and get a full-body workout while clocking cardio on a rowing machine. During the catch — the starting position for your row — you’ll engage your hamstrings, calves and lower-back muscles. During the drive — the full-body dual push and pull motion — you’ll fire up hamstrings, quads, calves, glutes, abs, pecs, traps, delts and triceps all while getting your heart pumping. At a moderate intensity, 40 minutes of rowing burns about 300 calories.

2 of

2. JUMPING ROPE

In the depths of winter, you might find yourself mourning the loss of fun outdoor workouts (beach volleyball, anyone?). Take the playground spirit inside by jumping rope at the gym. You’ll burn about 10 calories per minute, work your legs, butt and arms and maybe even knock your old schoolyard record out of the park.

3 of

3. BASKETBALL

Embrace the year-round activities you can still do in the gym — like shooting hoops. Basketball is a surprisingly good cardio workout. A 30-minute, half-court game burns just under 300 calories. Switch to full-court for a cardio boost.

4 of

4. CYCLING 

Even if your road bike has been relegated to the garage for the season, you can still clip in for a solid cardio session. Riding at 9 mph for about 45 minutes burns 300 calories. To increase your calorie burn or pump your heart rate up faster, crank up the resistance or move into a standing position as you pedal. There’s also always spin class, for a little motivation boost.

5 of

5. STAIRCLIMBING

When it gets too frigid to run stadium stairs, take it to the stairclimber at the gym. When done properly, climbing can burn 300 calories in 40 minutes while sculpting some serious lower-body muscle. Just mind your posture — hunching forward over the machine as you climb and taking short, quick steps can significantly reduce your burn.

6 of

6. JACOBS LADDER

If you like stair climbing, the Jacobs Ladder machine puts your workout into high gear. The machine, which mimics rock climbing or ladder climbing by engaging your upper body, core and lower body — is one of the best cardio workouts you can get in the gym. The faster you climb, the more you’ll burn, and the higher you’ll get your heart rate — you can torch 300 calories in about 20 minutes.

7 of

7. TREADMILL RUNNING

We’ve already said it, but we’ll say it again, the treadmill is a tried and true cardio workout. Work toward your next race PR by holding a running pace of 8 minutes per mile with 0% incline — you’ll burn 300 calories after just two and a half miles.

8 of

8. HIIT + TREADMILL

If the mere thought of running in place has you searching for excuses to procrastinate, keep your time on the treadmill interesting with a HIIT-style workout. Spend 5 minutes warming up at an easy pace before kicking it into high gear. After that, alternate between increasing and decreasing your speed and resistance in 1-minute intervals. After 30 minutes, you’ll have breezed through 300 calories. So much for gym boredom.

9 of

9. WALKING UPHILL ON THE TREADMILL

Walking at a pace of 20 minutes per mile for an hour burns about 300 calories — just make sure to keep your arms moving to boost your calorie burn. To increase the challenge and work on toning your lower body, bump up the incline.

10 of

10. ELLIPTICAL

For treadmill haters, there’s always the elliptical, which replicates the movement of running without the impact that can be rough on joints. Grab the handles to get your upper body in on the action. Beware: These gym machines are notorious for overestimating your total calorie burn even if you correctly input all your data — it takes about 25 minutes to hit your 300 calorie goal.

READ MORE > 7 RECESS-INSPIRED WORKOUT THAT BURN 400 CALORIES OR LESS 

*Calorie burn based on 150-pound, 35-year-old woman

The post 10 Ways to Burn 300 Calories at the Gym appeared first on Under Armour.

http://ift.tt/2Apnuqe

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10 Ways to Burn 300 Calories at the Gym

Through good weather and bad, busy schedules and not, the gym is always there for you. While the treadmill might get a bad wrap, it’s actually a trusty machine, and if we can’t convince you to give the treadmill a chance, here are nine other ways to torch 300 calories* in no time.

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1. ROWING

Kill two birds with one sweat session and get a full-body workout while clocking cardio on a rowing machine. During the catch — the starting position for your row — you’ll engage your hamstrings, calves and lower-back muscles. During the drive — the full-body dual push and pull motion — you’ll fire up hamstrings, quads, calves, glutes, abs, pecs, traps, delts and triceps all while getting your heart pumping. At a moderate intensity, 40 minutes of rowing burns about 300 calories.

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2. JUMPING ROPE

In the depths of winter, you might find yourself mourning the loss of fun outdoor workouts (beach volleyball, anyone?). Take the playground spirit inside by jumping rope at the gym. You’ll burn about 10 calories per minute, work your legs, butt and arms and maybe even knock your old schoolyard record out of the park.

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3. BASKETBALL

Embrace the year-round activities you can still do in the gym — like shooting hoops. Basketball is a surprisingly good cardio workout. A 30-minute, half-court game burns just under 300 calories. Switch to full-court for a cardio boost.

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4. CYCLING 

Even if your road bike has been relegated to the garage for the season, you can still clip in for a solid cardio session. Riding at 9 mph for about 45 minutes burns 300 calories. To increase your calorie burn or pump your heart rate up faster, crank up the resistance or move into a standing position as you pedal. There’s also always spin class, for a little motivation boost.

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5. STAIRCLIMBING

When it gets too frigid to run stadium stairs, take it to the stairclimber at the gym. When done properly, climbing can burn 300 calories in 40 minutes while sculpting some serious lower-body muscle. Just mind your posture — hunching forward over the machine as you climb and taking short, quick steps can significantly reduce your burn.

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6. JACOBS LADDER

If you like stair climbing, the Jacobs Ladder machine puts your workout into high gear. The machine, which mimics rock climbing or ladder climbing by engaging your upper body, core and lower body — is one of the best cardio workouts you can get in the gym. The faster you climb, the more you’ll burn, and the higher you’ll get your heart rate — you can torch 300 calories in about 20 minutes.

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7. TREADMILL RUNNING

We’ve already said it, but we’ll say it again, the treadmill is a tried and true cardio workout. Work toward your next race PR by holding a running pace of 8 minutes per mile with 0% incline — you’ll burn 300 calories after just two and a half miles.

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8. HIIT + TREADMILL

If the mere thought of running in place has you searching for excuses to procrastinate, keep your time on the treadmill interesting with a HIIT-style workout. Spend 5 minutes warming up at an easy pace before kicking it into high gear. After that, alternate between increasing and decreasing your speed and resistance in 1-minute intervals. After 30 minutes, you’ll have breezed through 300 calories. So much for gym boredom.

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9. WALKING UPHILL ON THE TREADMILL

Walking at a pace of 20 minutes per mile for an hour burns about 300 calories — just make sure to keep your arms moving to boost your calorie burn. To increase the challenge and work on toning your lower body, bump up the incline.

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10. ELLIPTICAL

For treadmill haters, there’s always the elliptical, which replicates the movement of running without the impact that can be rough on joints. Grab the handles to get your upper body in on the action. Beware: These gym machines are notorious for overestimating your total calorie burn even if you correctly input all your data — it takes about 25 minutes to hit your 300 calorie goal.

READ MORE > 7 RECESS-INSPIRED WORKOUT THAT BURN 400 CALORIES OR LESS 

*Calorie burn based on 150-pound, 35-year-old woman

The post 10 Ways to Burn 300 Calories at the Gym appeared first on Under Armour.

http://ift.tt/2Apnuqe