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[forcenewz]

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[musical-chick-13]

Everyone keeps trying to make their anti-hero or villain Guy Blorbos™ into Rebecca Bunch. No one will ever be Rebecca Bunch, stop trying to make other characters into Rebecca Bunch, just go watch Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.

[wangxianficfinder]

Fic Finder

Sep 18th

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1. Hi! I don't know if this has been asked before but I'm looking for a fic. It had multiple chapters and might have been mostly from LWJ POV. (spoilers for the fic basically) I only remember clearly that in one of the later chapters it is revealed that WWX took the fall for JC who had set off a cigar fire. Thank you!

FOUND! Nursery Rhymes by manaika (M, 96k, WangXian, NieLan, Modern AU, Inexperienced WWX, Experienced LWJ, Reconciliation, Budding Love, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Unreliable Narrator, Medical Inaccuracies, Slow Burn, Past Character Death, Childhood Trauma, Found Family, Past Injury, Nurse! WWX, Doctor! LXC, Teacher! LWJ, Character With A Heart Condition (Major), Past Incarceration (Major Character), Underage Character With Leukemia (Minor))

NOT FOUND! Insert Coin Now for Extra Life by TriviasFolly (E, 201k, wangxian, modern, ABO, Intersex Omegas, Omega WWX, Alpha LWJ, Marriage contract au, Twitch Streamer WWX, fluff and smut, caring for other while sick, Possessive LWJ, Rare Male Omegas, Pack Dynamics, Sugar Baby vibes, Eventual Smut, Brief mention of lwj/others)

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2. hi - apologies if you have answered this and i missed it, or please ignore if i haven't waited long enough! i really appreciate all you guys do! I'm looking for a longish fic - cloud recesses classes WY gets whipped after JZ/JY engagement broken, recovers in CR while creating talismans. Wens attack and WY explodes heads. ACE JZ, badass Madame Jin, NH sets up JY/NM, WY grabbed by WR, LZ comes to save him and they kill WR. I've tried searching hashtags, but just can't find it -can you help? @oldoni

FOUND? 🧡 To have and to hold by Moominmammashandbag (M, 78k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Major character injury, CQL verse, Happy Ending)

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3. Hello Mojo!! I've always used your blog to find missing fics, but this'll be the first time I send in a an ask!!

I read this fic a long time ago and forgot to bookmark it, the premise was Jiang Yanli was engaged to Lan Zhan but she was in love with Jin Zixuan. So Wei Ying, doing what he does best and offers to take her place.

He's invented a talisman that changes his body to look like Yanlis, the catch is that it affects his health everything he uses the talisman until it eventually hurts him to the point of near death. And he falls in love with Lan Zhan along the way.

Can you help me find this fic?

FOUND? 🔒 You Free Your Mind In Your Androgyny by retired (misbehavingvigilante) (E, 368k, WangXian, JC & JYL & WWX, NHS & WWX, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bodyswap, Crossdressing, Dysfunctional Family, Gender Dysphoria, Hurt/Comfort, Identity Porn, Mistaken Identity, Misunderstandings, Transphobia, Self-Worth Issues, Suicidal Thoughts, Trans WWX)

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4. Hiii there was a fic where wei ying was chased by a dog and took shelter in lan zhans house. i remember wy having a panic attack and lz calming him, and ig he had a cat called bunny?? idk this was on the first chp. and it was a long fic ig?? Anyways hope you can find it!! @for13years-i-play-inquiry-foryou

FOUND? leave all your love and your longing behind by ScarlettStorm (E, 143k, WangXian, Modern AU, no magic, Meet-Ugly, Panic Attacks, autistic lwj, neurodivergent wwx, the neighborhood asshole dog, if you’ve met one then you know, Hurt/Comfort, Pining, Minor Angst, major shenanigans, Happy Ending, for everyone including the asshole dog, Eventual Smut, switch rights, Sex Toys, horny yearning, Masturbation)

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5. Hii I am desperately looking for a fic. It is around cloud recess time and wwx is a genuis and gets recognized by the Lans and they treat him well. I remember super specific stuff like there was an elder who blew something up to reroute a river because he needed the water for fire savety and he is kind of mentoring wwx. And some of the elders imply to lwj to court wwx. And there is a kind of scholar equivalent to a discussion converence and the Jiang scholars get so much shit from the Lans for not supporting wwx talent because he is like a once in a generation genius and they usually have systems in place to support people like that but the Jiangs were afraid of madam yu i guess. Thats most of what I remember. I really hope it still exists somewhere... @frankensteins-gendercrisis

FOUND?🔒in the shadow of moonlit flowers by Reverie (cl410) (T, 56k, wangxian, LXC/NMJ, Cloud Recesses, LWJ & NHS Friendship, Developing Relationship, POV LWJ, Minor Injuries, Autistic LWJ, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, aka the Madam Yu warning, Genius WWX, Light Angst And Hurt/Comfort, WWX Protection Squad, Gusu Lan Sect, Slow Burn, Protective LWJ, LWJ-centric)

FOUND? 🧡 Stunted, Starving Juvenility by TomatenMark (E, 859k, WangXian, WIP, Fix-it of sorts, Talisman master WWX, Not JFM Friendly, Study Arc, Getting together, Fluff and Angst, Engagement)

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6. Hi! I'm looking for a f/f wangxian fic, I don't remember much about the plot but I do know in it wwx bullies young lwj and calls her a lesbian. They later meet as adults and wwx is really trying to atone for her actions. Thank you!! @blessrainydays

FOUND? Out of your system by mimilamp (E, 20k, Female WangXian, Modern AU, Rule 63, Sexual Content, Strap-Ons, jealous wwx, lan zhan FUCKS, mention of LWJ/others straight girl WWX, Y E A R N I N G, Additional Warnings In Author's Note)

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7. Hello! Here for the fic finder, please. It starts with Wangxian hunting a monster that eats dreams. At some point it catches lwj and puts him into a dream and wwx goes into the dream and sees that in it they are married? Does that ring any bells?

FOUND? Dream of Me by KingdomFlameVIII (E, 11k, WangXian, Mild Horror, Dreams, Dream Sex, Bathing/Washing, Domestic Fluff, First Kiss, First Time, Light Bondage, Hand Jobs, Anal Fingering)

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8. Hi! I'm looking for a modern au where WWX was a fox that had gotten taken to a sanctuary and he had a faded red ribbon around his neck, it fell off and he got sad about it. It possibly had his name written on the inside of it? Wen Ning either ran the santuary or worked there. WWX might've been cursed to be in a fox form? I can't remember for sure. I thought I'd bookmarked it but can't find it and there's a gazillion fox!wwx fics and I'm not finding it. I can't remember more than that but hopefully someone will know. TIA!

NOT FOUND! in the arms of the angel by ScarlettStorm (E, 37k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, Fox WWX, animal rescuer LWJ, Minor pining, major shenanigans, Comedy, Smut, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Adhd WWX, the mortifying ordeal of getting your head stuck in a peanut butter jar, and getting subsequently rescued by your crush, there were in fact two beds, but LWJ knows what he's about, Blowjobs, Frottage, switch rights, Scent Kink, mildly telepathic sex, courtship via kittens)

FOUND! Found: Extremely Friendly Fox by wanderingflame (T, 22k, ZhuiLing, WangXian, Modern AU, mild animal injury, Curses, Fluff, Reunions, Fox WWX, Foxxian being a lovable terror, POV Alternating, Modern With Cultivation, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, LWJ wears reading glasses because it's sexy)

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9. Hi can I ask you if you could find me a fanfiction where Wei wuxian keeps doing different ghost games and Lan Zhan keeps interrupting them, the other thing I can remember is that they're both university students and Lan Zhan is responsible for the dormitory.

FOUND?🔒Grandmaster of Demonic Party Games by Trickster_Angel (M, 50k, WangXian, Modern AU, College AU, Crack, Light Angst, Humor, Paranormal, horror, Slow Burn)

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10. Hello! Submitting a request to find a fic, cause i'm honestly at my wit's end.

It was multichapter fic and I'm pretty much sure it was finished. It's basically story, where Wei Wuxian transmigrates from modern times into cultivator setting, summoned by mistake, by his counter-part here and basically hijacked their body? And was then promptly attacked by Lan Wangji, who thought it was original

In cultivator setting, Wei Wuxian was also known as a Yilling Laozu - ancient and mad with grief over Lans killing his husband few hundreds years ago. The present Lan Wangji is reincarnation of said husband, but due Yilling Laozu Wei Wuxian not letting him go, he couldn't properly reincarnate or something? Like - he is still man's husband, Lan Wangji, but a little bit different and that stops him from falling in love with YL WWX?

(There was also something about how this Wei Ying was summoned, because Lan Wangji from that universe probably died, before they had a chance to meet.)

Anyway, after getting (i think?) stabbed by Lan Wangji he got taken to Cloud Recess, then he somehow winded up in Lotus Pier, growing close with Jiang siblings. Also, Wei Wuxian from the modern times was some kind of doctor or inventor (?) and he tried bringing some modern solutions there.

I think this think may be quite known, but i tried all the tags i thought that will work and found nothing ://

Thank you very much in advance

FOUND? Old Foreshadows by protos_metazu_ison (M, 15k, WangXian, YLLZ WWX, BAMF WWX, War, Universe Alteration, Sunshot Campaign, Rated For Violence, Timeline What Timeline, Mojo’s post)

FOUND? 🔒 Transverse by Kytrin, Mslead (E, 192k, WangXian, ChengSang, ZhuiLing, ZhenYi, Dimension Travel, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Enemies to Lovers, Transmigration, Past Lives, Canon-Typical Death, Don’t worry - he gets better)

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11. for fic finder, i've read this a few times and suddenly i can't find it- wwx gets taken by a caiyi merchant while he's on his way to dinner with lwj. the merchant is someone wwx had previously gotten along with, so it's a bit of a depressing realization that even this guy hates him.

queue a sinister array, a timely rescue by lwj, and the sobering realization that wwx can't fully escape what he's done in his past life, and it can crop up where he least expects it @stgroversfire

FOUND! Before we get started, does anyone wanna get out? by Iggysassou (E, 13k, WangXian, Married Couple, Post-Canon, mdzs canon rather than cql, 5+1 Things, Canon-Typical Violence, Hurt/Comfort, Domestic Fluff, Protective wwx, protective lwj)

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12. Hi! This is for fic finder. I'm looking for a fic where sect leader JC returns to Lotus Pier after a trip/night hunt and the junior disciples all clamour towards him. JC then picks one of the youngest disciples who gives a short report and sends them off for training. I think it might be from the pov of someone who accompanied him (LWJ? LXC?) and then I think there's a bit of commentary about the kind of sect leader JC is. I think it's likely some sort of canon divergence or time travel fic, but not sure. Thanks!

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13. hi, i’m looking for a fanfic in which jzx’s death was faked, he was found in the lake (?) by wwx, i remember people thought wwx was dead but lwj managed to find him alive in some village. lwj told jiang yanli to find wwx and after he found jzx, he was told not to sleep in the same room with jyl as she was married woman and it was inappropriate. this fic wasn’t finished

FOUND? Discarded by teawater (E, 178k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Dying Lan children, Hurt/Comfort, YL WWX, Golden Core Reveal, Case Fic, Depression, Family Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Worth Issues, Angst with a Happy Ending, and it's not always dark, POV Multiple, BAMF WWX, dubious morals in the Lan sect Feels, Pining, Grief, Fix-It, BAMF LWJ)

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14. Hi! I’ve been looking for a fic I read a while ago in which WWX designs a talisman (or something) to test blood relationships and finds out he really is JFM’s son. If I remember correctly he’s already left Lotus Pier, I think he finds out with JYL and JC at Cloud Recesses? “This body yet survives” by RoseThorne comes very close but doesn’t have him as JFM’s son. Help please!

I’m pretty sure 14 is a modern era AU and they take a DNA test which reveals the siblings as wwx’s half siblings - can I locate it? Ehhh, of course not unless I get lucky with my history search

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15. I’m looking for a fic that is a modern au, no cultivation, where wwx leaves home or is driven out of his home and loses contact with his sibling and lwj. Fast forward to the future, he’s living somewhere and is with the Wen siblings? I don’t remember how, but somehow lwj finds wwx first, maybe over text? And slowly wwx starts sharing his life again? I feel like maybe wwx had been abused or threatened to never talk to his siblings again. He’s very afraid. I remember Wen Qing was very suspicious of LWJ and protective of wwx. Thanks for your help!

NOT FOUND! clean from the war (your heart fits like a key) by sysrae (E, 28k, WangXian, Modern AU, Reunions, past xy/wwx, xy is fucked up but not evil because it's a modern AU and I said so, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, past wwx/jfm, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Abuse, Rape Recovery, transphobic violence, Victim Blaming, Past wwx/others, allusions to past self-harm)

FOUND! Love Don't Belong To Me by airinshaw (E, 28k, WangXian, Modern, Getting Together, Kissing, Intercrural Sex, Light Angst, Happy Ending, PTSD, Panic Attack, WWX's canonical self-esteem issues, Canonical Child Abuse, not as dark as the tags imply, Past Relationships mention)

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16. Hello! Thanks in advance for this. I read ff earlier this year, it was post-canon I guess, Wei Wuxian is staying in cloud recesses and Lan wangji is chief cultivator (I guess). once wwx took juniors to night hunt and he kminda knew that someone will come for him, a walking corpse was searching for him specifically. after empathy wwx got to know that the walking corpse is his father. I dont remember anything other than this scene. Please help! @vbhardwaj-reads

FOUND! An Aftermath More Devastating Than The Storm by UneducatedAuthor (Not Rated, 111k, WangXian, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Post-Canon, Everyone Loves WWX, The Junior Ensemble Love WWX, Hurt WWX, Protective LWJ, Protective LSZ, WWX Deserves Better, Genius WWX, WWX Protection Squad, Chief Cultivator LWJ, Cultivation Sect Politics, JC & WWX Reconciliation) Has Wei Changze as a fierce corpse searching for his son

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17. For fic finder, I remember it was a multichap canon dovergent wangxian fic with inventor wwx. Tho I am not sure if that tag was used. The most notable part of it was Madam Jin bringing evidence of jgs putting his lot in with wrh complete with bills, transactions, correspondences etc. Jgs tries to discredit her by being a misogynist. That's when madam Jin uses a wwx custom binding spell on him and then says "I am a quick study when I want to be" to wwx and then she says "thank you for your instruction" because she learned the spell from jzx who saw wwx teach it to jc in cloud recesses lectures. After that she tells jzx to take the sect leader's seat and there was resistance from jin elders in the same scene and also in other later chapters. It was complete and happy ending I believe for wangxian too @yiling-laozu-is-loml

FOUND? Cultivating immortality by KizuKatana (E, 231k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Rogue Cultivator WWX, Mutual Pining, BAMF WWX, BAMF LWJ, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, unreliable narrator, Found Family, First Time, novel canon relationship dynamics)

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18. Hey its my first ask so i don't know if I'm doing it right... I've been trying to find two specific fics really hard but no luck yet. I hope you'd be able to help

A) It was a post-sunshot campaign au..I think someone basically heard wwx getting yelled at by jc and flinching away from his touch. That gives rise to rumours that jc is sexually abusing wwx. Everyone starts pitying wwx and it comes to a head at some sort of banquet..?

B) A post-canon wangxian fluff fic. I think it might've been a 5+1 sort of fic but im not sure. There was one particular scene where wwx is just hanging out with other lan spouses and they are all complaining about their husband but wwx is silent cause lwj treats him really well..After he says so one of the women say "how long will it take your husband to realise if I kill you and take your place?" To which wwx replies "like right away"

I really hope you'll be able to find them

18A)

FOUND? Short Prompts by Vrishchika (M, 40k, WIP, WangXian, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Not JC Friendly, Separate Tags for Each Chapter) chapter 15 I'm sure of it

18B)

FOUND? Life before you was tragic by covalentbonds (Not rated, 4k, wangxian, Fluff and Humor)

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19. Hello! I am trying to find a fix where Wei ying get thrown to burial mound by wen Chao as a child, and then he become the protector of Yiling! He is always covered in shadows when he meet the sects! Can anyone remember the title! It is in AoW but I cannot find it! Help please!🙏 Thanks 😊 Have a wonderful day! @fallingstar77

I don't remember the name of #19 fic, but what I do remember is that it's listed on the amazing Warprize compilation you guys did.

FOUND? 💖 what price is duty, what cost is love by thunderwear (G, 18k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, WWX was never adopted by the Jiang Sect, War Prize, YLLZ WWX, Mutual Pining, First Kiss, First Time, Falling In Love, eventual dramatic confessions, Eventual Happy Ending, Angst with a Happy Ending)

FOUND? Sanctuary by Alineko (T, 45k, WIP, WangXian, XuanLi, Canon Divergence, YLLZ WWX, WWX Isn't Adopted by the Jiangs, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Cultivation Sect Politics, Sunshot Campaign, Overpowered WWX, Burial Mounds Ensemble as Family, WWX Creates a Sect | Yiling Wei Sect, Sect Leader WWX, Unreliable Narrator LWJ, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Self-Indulgent, Touch-Starved WWX, Different First Meeting, POV Alternating, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags)

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20. Hi, Im looking for a fic that may have been deleted but i'll try here. In it LWJ takes a'yuan away from cloud recesses to raise outside of the sect after WWXs death. He builds a garden with various monuments one of which is a boulder tied down with ropes to represent the Xuanwu. Eventually he senses something and goes to the burial mounds where he drags a reborn WWX from the blood pool. He takes him home to rehabilitate. On the way he stops at an inn to bathe him. Thats all I remember<3

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[atiianeishaunted]

just remembered i can rant on here yippee >///< have a rant abt takashi shirogane bc im that man's number 1 hater, this will be horribly written and disjointed bc i jus need 2 get this out of my very soul, im tweaking SO BAD, a conversation w red is not enuff.. im homophobic to this man and this man alone. tomato tomato tomato shiro

also im a certified keith apologist that boy does no wrong free him ...

can you imagine taking in a little orphan boy thats clearly craving stability and proceeding to utilize him as a tool/replacement for you to live vicariously through because you cant accept retiring fully despite health concerns EVERYONE is telling you to not ignore ....... ??? not to mention him abandoning keith the first chance he gets even though he knows full well keith has literally nothing besides him (i find it hard to believe he wasnt aware of the unfair treatment keith was going through) (also side note, abandoning adam was also crazy..... adam shouldve lived jus so shiro would have to face the consquences but yk) (free adam he did nothing WRONG) (someone write a fic where adam lives n confronts shiro im begging)

also does anyone else find it suspicious that keith never mentions adam and vice versa, same w matt/pidge, shiro is shown to be very close to the holts (side note, if you ship shiro x matt DNI, that boy is a CHILD), so shiro was just hiding the fact he adopted a whole kid... insane behavior? methinks? also on that mentioning the holts, he treats them way better than he does the child he ADOPTED, constantly prioritizes them and treats them liek actual family. red worded it best when he said that shiro views the holt as family n keith is just a recruit to him ,,, punching the AIRR

shiro not once ever shows unconditional care towards keith, i know people will argue with that but like just think about it, everytime he shows some sort of care or concern towards the kid its usually followed up by it benefiting him, the constant "you cant run off / you cant die / etc etc. because you need to carry on my legacy" ???!??/.1/1/ hate that!

keith sees shiro as his savior essentially liek a god who can do no wrong, we constantly see this by the way he talks about the man and how far hes willing to go for him while shiro holds him at arm's length and constantly neglects him?!?!? idk why everyone jus treated that as cute ????? shiro is a horrible guardian to keith man ,, he encourages destructive behaviors and keith's insecurities purely bc it benefits him !!!!! straigfht up grooming the kid into being the perfect soldier/student/you get the point for the garrison

i coudl rant for hours and hours abt this but liek im genuinely so mad my brain is blank,, extreme hater hours, might add onto this hashtag later everytime i get mad about him, again this is a mess, you will prolly hear this rant a million times over from me, slightly more well constructed next time hopefully,,,,,,

[alarmsofmyheart]

Tyme has the best rizz ever. I can't accept all the Tyme has zero rizz/awkward flirt/introvert flirt etc etc.. I dont want to keep quite anymore. From amongst all the doctor gays I've seen in any media I've consumed, and from the real life surgeons I've worked under, TYME HAS THE BEST RIZZ. I kept typing and deleting this. Because obviously, I didn't want to communicate and my opinion really doesn't matter. And there's hella lota things happening in the show, but

- TYME FORCEFULLY GETTING GREAT'S CASESHEETS FROM THE NURSE TO TREAT GREAT WHO IS HAVING LIKE ONE VISIBLE WOUND WHEN TYME BEING (I GUESS) THIRD YEAR RESIDENT, NOT AN ER SURGEON ITS NONE OF HIS BUISNESS (There are interns as the nurse said, calm down sir nvm thank you for your empathetic enthusiastic service)

- TYME TUCKING IN HIS SCRUBS BEFORE GOING TO SEE PATIENT GREAT (internally screaming since the day I saw that clip/episode, surgeons atleast any single one I know don't fucking tuck in their scrubs, at least not in my country, UNLESS ITS SOME VERY IMPORTANT SUPERIOR COMING OR MEETING THEM like health ministry people checking the quality at hospital etc aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaass so Tyme tucking in his shirt before seeing Great is so important to me atleast)

- TYME KNOWING HIS FULL NAME, i don't really know how it is in hospitals in Thailand, do they use their full long names or both the nickname and full name, but either way, TYME KNOWING HIS FULL NAME AND HIM TELLING HE KNEW IT FROM THE BOUQUET (instead of the case sheet which is what I expected) was sexy

- TYME TELLING HIM TO COME BACK TO HIMSELF FOR SUTURE REMOVAL BECAUSE HE WAS THE ONE WHO SUTURED IT (bombastic side eye) (WHAT A FLIRT!!!!! SIR YOU JUST MET HIM)

are infact some top quality rizz and quality realistic writing(atleast to me).

I don't consider Tyme putting himself between Great's legs/leaning in while examining the wound as rizz, it's obviously unethical, there's no need to compare reality with fiction but still I'm most of the time a boring person. So I don't mention that in the list. Rest of that happenings were pure pure flirty cutey pie thing.

Did the rizz work on Great? Yes. That's all that matters.

Also I'm posting this now because I didn't have Tumblr account till two days ago. Anyway what an episode today!!!!

Sad. Fucked up. Happy.

Not just the characters but Timeline is not straight as well. 😌

----------------------------------------------

Also it's nice of them whoever from production editor writer cast whoever decided to spell TYME as T Y M E instead of T I M E because they all know we be writing time time time multiple times in our meta/posts and it kinda easily seperates the character name and the entity of time, probably plays an part in trending hashtags etc etc. but great decision.

[aritany]

what's the origin story for dgdss? if you don't mind 🥺

oho! well. as it happens, i love telling this story.

if you want to know how my childhood best friend writing a short story about me ended up leading to me getting a big 5 book deal, read on.

tw for reference to self harm and some...... unpleasant commentary (not mine) about it later on, folks.

so.

i was homeschooled until my very last year of high school (yes, like mean girls, except my mean girl dominated the first 15 years of my life and that last year was just blissfully chill) and like many homeschooled children, i was a part of a co-op.

cool, right? it's like School Lite™ where you put a group of feral children in a classroom, except you're all varying ages and grade levels, and also, nobody in the room is an accredited teacher, and nobody seems to have an issue with this.

my mom and her mom were best friends, and we were born around the same time, so naturally, we were best friends too from birth, and we were part of the same co-op all through my elementary and junior high school years.

anyway. i won't air all of the dirty laundry regarding our early friendship, because the whole book deal thing doesn't touch it, and i also think there's no need to be pointing out the behaviour of an Actual Child in retrospect. all you need to know is that we were best friends, our relationship was fraught, and by the time we hit 12-13 it was to the degree that people started telling me, hey man, this is Very Strange Behaviour and You Might Be A Victim, and i had to go do some introspection.

the introspection led to the general conclusion oh shit, but we stayed friends, because obviously. when you're 13, breaking up with a best friend is literally The End of the world, and anyway, there was a lot of good in there too, right?

right?

anyway, things took a turn when we were about 14. i struggled heavily with mental illness and self harm as a closeted religious teenager (who'da thunk?) and i confided in her about a small fraction of what was going on, because she was my best friend. i didn't tell her details, because even then i knew what i was experiencing was heavier than was probably appropriate to burden another kid with (and i stand by it!), but she knew the gist.

several Tense moments resulted, one of which was the day she pointed out self harm scarring in front of other people and asked me what happened, ran away, and refused to talk further about it, so i had to talk to her mom, who told me i should apologize to her, considering my mental health struggle had been so difficult... for her.

yeah, you know the type of people we're dealing with, here.

she was determined to undermine me in front of our mutual friends. anything to make me look worse, in one way or another. anything to step just a little higher. if i was interested in something, here's a public dissertation on why it's a dumb thing to be interested in. if i had a crush, forget keeping it a secret, and forget the notion that it's normal, because it's not, it's stupid, and shallow to have a crush in the first place. if we had a similar interest, here's a dressing down about how all i ever do is steal the things she likes (even if i liked them first).

needless to say, by the time the whole deal with the short story is going down a few short years later, we're on the rocks.

let me set the scene. we hadn't seen each other in several months, due to the On The Rocks of it all, and were meeting up for coffee while our moms were also getting coffee. hashtag classic homeschooled behavior, etc.

we're catching up, and she tells me she needs to apologize for something. i am, as you might imagine, agog, considering the rarity of apologies from this girl. she tells me she wrote a short story and submitted it to her university journal to be published, and that in hindsight she thinks she should have asked for my permission first.

i am, obviously, suspicious. to her credit, she gives it to me to read through and then leaves to go do christmas shopping. it's a muddy-ish faux-deep piece about a narrator who has a best friend struggling with mental illness and self harm.

(oh, you might say. to which i say, yeeeeah.)

in the story, the narrator depicts the struggle of trying to care about somebody who is in pain, referring to the best friend as 'cariad' the whole way through, which is just so weird i'm not even going to touch on it. google it if you'd like. the line that i still remember (and will probably remember until the day i die) is the one where she describes her cariad as feeling the need to use a razor as a microphone.

i honestly don't recall what i said when she eventually came back, but i contained all of the aggression of a piece of pocket lint at the time, so i imagine it was along the lines of oh. yeah, okay. [insert image of the saddest wettest cat you've ever seen]

i never saw her again. we went our separate ways, and that was that. we never talked about it.

(the one upside of it was that my mom, with whom i have a Notoriously Contentious relationship, was outraged on my behalf. that was the first (in many years) and last (ever) time we were on the same side of a battle, so, you know. silver linings.)

but the real indignity of it to me was that my friend never really knew. i never really told her about what was happening in my head. she never knew why i was hurting myself, or how bad it got, because i did everything i could to keep that to myself, and at the end of the day, she thought it was all for attention to the degree she wrote a transparently biographical account of it and chose razor as a microphone as a phrase on purpose.

dead girls started as a way to process the complicated feelings i had about that friendship and then obviously ultimately became a whole different creature in the process. i wanted to write about how it felt to go through that never having had another close friendship to compare it to, and how confusing and nauseating it was to have other people point out shitty behaviour.

it became about healing when you can't get closure. how do you move on when you'll never know why somebody hurt you?

nothing that happens in the book is based on real life events between us, partly because i'm not a hypocrite, and partly because if your work can be traced back to your personal experiences, perhaps you should do what you can to be kind.

'my julia,' as i like to call her (she is not named julia, because, oh my god) is nothing like julia hoskins in appearance or general personality. but the way she made me feel? oh, that's all there. nora feels it the way i felt it.

i wrote dead girls back in 2020, and got agented with it in 3 weeks of sending my first query. we got a book deal for it with a penguin random house imprint 1 year later to the day, and next week it's going to be out in the world, and i'm not going to lie, it feels really damn good.

also, her short story got rejected by her university, because it was bad. so you might lose some, but you win some, too.

[rainbowdaisy13]

Something else about the documentary is how she villainized the people that tweeted the hashtag taylorisoverparty and how that took a toll on her mental health and it was so awful to her and of course it’s terrible when a bunch of strangers say things about you on the internet (which they will and have done with other celebrities too, if you’re a public figure you will have people who like you and people who don’t, hell even if you aren’t a public figure) But when her current ‘boyfriend’ has tweeted terrible things, specific misogynistic sexist things it’s all fine it’s all great cause he’s her man🤦🏻‍♀️ or when she starts literal hate campaigns toward different people by liking certain posts (like she did when she broke up with joe liking those 10 year old memes knowing damn well her fandom will go after him) it’s all amazing and it’s all yes mother is hilarious and yes we love her and let’s hate on these poeple for the rest of our lives (bc yes, years later they still hate on her exes) So yeah throwing pity party after pity party for yourself looks absolutely ridiculous now … Cause like, is her mental health the only mental health that matters in the world?

And another thing about alcoholism: if her wonderful fans love her endlessly and want the best for her and care about her they would caution her and get worried because I can’t stop counting the way alcohol badly impacts your health and I’m not even saying to shame her or anything BUT stop with the whole bejeweled era and the “ crazy fun party girl who has just been released from her prison of 6 years because what she thought was good for her 6 years ago is not good for her now so it’s all joe’s fault and let her drink “🤦🏻‍♀️ if you truly care about her you will at least stop supporting and glorifying alcoholism that is just terrible

there are so many other things that are wrong here, and they get clearer when you look at things from a different perspective

“So yeah throwing pity party after pity party for yourself looks absolutely ridiculous now … Cause like, is her mental health the only mental health that matters in the world?”

YES Anon!!! She told us ⬇️

So tell me everything is not about me

But what if it is?

[c00kiejar]

This song...

I've never really made a proper post before, just shitposts and the occasional art thing. I want to make one to properly express how I feel right now and why this song represents it perfectly. I will warn you first, however, that this mentions a certain YouTuber who was recently completely destroyed on Twitter and my personal experience as a viewer, and may delve into some not-too-happy thoughts

Still here? Let's dive in

It all starts way back when I was still a kid. I was navigating the wonderful site known as YouTube, trying to find videos on videogames and, specifically, I think it was Super Paper Mario. I had no idea how to beat Chapter 2-3 (the Ruby debt one), and I needed help. That's when I stumbled across a YouTuber called Chuggaaconroy (a.k.a. Emile). The way he provided all the information I needed in one video was exactly what I needed. I couldn't subscribe to his channel because I didn't have a Google account, so I just periodically checked his channel, eventually learning he uploaded every day at 5 PM, perfect for younger me. I'd watch his videos when they came out, loving every single one. I eventually discovered his collab channel, The Runaway Guys, and loved that channel even more. He, Proton Jon (Jon) and NintendoCapriSun (Tim) entertained me for YEARS with their content. I even branched out into Jon's streaming community, becoming a semi-regular artist on the booru for a time (you can still find my stuff there under the name TehSm1tty. Not my best work, but I still like some of it). Years come and go, and I have my fair share of mental health troubles, but I'd always find Emile, Jon, and Tim there to brighten my days.

Fast forward to sometime last week. I've been pretty inactive on Twitter aside from my alts, but I decided to see what was popping on main. I log in and get recommended a post with the hashtag "WeStandWithChugga". I had no idea what was going on, so I looked into it. I won't go into detail here, but the jist of it is that Emile was a total creep to many women and even drove wedges between himself and good friends because of this weird behavior. There's a lot more to this than just that, but the point is that it shattered my view of him. I knew he was pushy and that always kinda annoyed me, but the extent of it broke me. For a few days now, I've been having a rough go of it. I mean, my childhood YouTuber just got outed as a complete creep and has some serious allegations of being at least a lolicon, at worst a pedo. I've been down and out for days, and it just wouldn't stop. That is, until I found out that Tim has a Reddit account. I never knew this (or, well, maybe I did and just forgot. Idfk), and was amazed to learn that Tim's been keeping Reddit updated on what he's able/willing to share. Turns out Emile's getting the help he needs at a legit mental hospital and that he's ok. That's what made everything stop. Hearing he's ok. After all the shit Emile has done, he's still a human being and doesn't deserve to have the whole internet turn on him in a fraction of a second. Hearing a fellow human is ok made me feel better. I'm not letting him off the hook, and I do not believe he should ever be forgiven for what he's done, but if he is willing to better himself and become a better person, I am more than willing to believe in that Emile.

Now to come to roughly 40 minutes ago. I decide to boot up Satisfactory and play a bit, but I have no idea what to listen to while I do. I put on a song but quickly get bored of it, and then I see "OMORI | Do You Remember? | Extended" in my recommendations. I put it on and instantly, as if I were splashed in the face by water, I wake up and feel better. I was still stressed about everything going on (I'm set to go to college in September, AND my folks are headed to Mexico in about a week, so I'm stressed from those too), but with the first note on the piano, everything faded. All my swirling negative emotions were replaced with a somber peace. I'm still hurt by the last week's revelations, and I'm never going to truly recover (who could?), but I'm moving on. I think my comment on the video describes how I feel best; "The sad yet peaceful feeling this song evokes in me... It's pretty much how I feel today. I feel at peace... or, well, mostly. There's still pain, and there always will be, but I can move on and I'll live. In the future, I'll look back on this last week and feel sad, but that'll be in the future when this is all over with for good, so I can also look back at before it and be happy that those good times happened. Nothing will ever be the same, but such is the way of the world. Saying goodbye is saying hello to the future, and we all need to do that eventually. Who knows what the future may hold? I, for one, can't wait to see. Hello future, and goodbye sadness".

Chuggaaconroy was an inspiration and a light in the sea of darkness for so, so many, and these revelations have snuffed the light he provided out. What I hope is that Emile takes a long, long break from the internet to become the person we all believed him to be, to truly become that bright light in the dark, rather than just another dark figure holding a flashlight. I don't hope for that as a supporter of him as I don't support who he is right now (as if I haven't said it enough), I hope for that as a fellow human who only wishes to see everyone become the best version of themself.

I think this post was exactly what I needed. I've finally gotten everything out in a cohesive (maybe?) and healthy manner, and I'm ready to become my best self. I will be beginning work on YouTube videos tomorrow, and will hopefully be posting Thursdays at 5 PM (in honor of DatPags whom has not uploaded in a long time).

To anyone who finished reading this post, thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. Please, go become your best self, but do not do so by putting others down. Better yourself and acknowledge your flaws, overcome them, and do not repeat Emile's mistakes. Learn from those around you.

Yours truly,

Cookie_Jar of Tumblr dot com

[carsonian]

Cap-IM Rec Week: Fluffy Friday

@cap-ironman, it's Friday! Coincidentally, I'm in love. 🤔

"met my destiny (in quite a similar way" by ishipallthings (@ishipallthings)

“I’m in love with you.” The spatula in Tony’s hand clatters to the floor with an audible thwack. (In which Tony is incredulous, Steve is determined, and absolutely no pancakes are made for breakfast.)

There's been a longstanding campaign by well-known and less-well-known dentists to delete this fic from the interwebs because of its devastating effect on readers' dental health. 'Nuff said.

"Rushing Headlong in the Wrong (Right) Direction" by nostalgicatsea (@nostalgicatsea)

“Steve,” Jan said slowly, “what did you think you were bidding on?” He could feel the heat of his blush creeping down his face and neck, and considering its intensity, he knew he was as red as a fire hydrant. “Uh,” he said for the second time in minutes. Or: Steve bids on Tony thinking Tony's auctioning off a date and gets something very different instead.

Steve may be the only white man underwhelmed by a wheel of cheese. And to that we all say: respect!

"The Way You Love Me" by Saber_Wing (@saber-wing)

Tony mustered up his best, ‘look at me, I’m so put together,’ voice, the one the press ate right up. And there was next to zero chance Steve was going to buy it, but that wouldn’t stop him from trying. “Don’t worry about me, sugar plum. I’ve got this.” Tony tried to open his eyes again, as if to prove a point even though no one could see him. And oh, oh no, that was a mistake. Frantically, he grasped for the wastebasket, dry heaving into it. Oh, he did not have this. He did not have this at all. Tony underestimates the severity of one of his migraines, and pays for it.

I really don't use this word lightly so it's after carefully considering every angle that I bring it up here. This fic is: scrump-dilly-icious. Again, I don't use that word lightly. But this fic is. Scrumpdillyicious!

"My Favorite Things" by Captain_Panda

Tony Stark loves Christmas. Too bad he's dating Scrooge's more miserable cousin.

Captain_Panda, the writer you are. . .

"very first words (of a lifelong love letter)" by picturecat (@snoozingcat)

Steve punched a triceratops and all he got was this lousy love confession. (He's pretty happy with it.)

I have no words because when I read this, my body had a magic-girl transformation into just. A pile of goo. So it goes. Hashtag worth it.

There's a reason why The Cure said "It's Friday, I'm in love." Because-- now--here's the reason: it's Friday. We're in love.

Go forth: SteveTony lovers, fuckers, ambassadors, champions, perverts, freaks, losers, dreamers, legends! Read, re-read, kudo, comment, spread legs and spread love.

[allgymyt]

Hypertrophy Training: Build Muscle Fast with Proven Techniques

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[bee-dot-exe]

Alright. Okay. Buckle up. I'm making this post I guess.

I'm gonna be honest, when I suddenly saw someone post on here and the caption or hashtag said something like "Forever neg", I just. Didn't read it. I didn't really read anything that came up on my dash with his name actually because it was 95 percent negative. And I wanted to wait to see if he would say anything or share his side or whatever before I read anything or saw any opinions of what could potentially not be the same for the sake of my own mental health really. And when I went to where the search bar and trending tabs are and saw that a recommended tag to follow was "Forever situation" I was actually mad.

Well he went live while I was asleep or doing something and I didn't know, so when I saw something here saying he had been live, I didn't read it, but I opened the vod so fast.

And I cried. Not hard. But I did.

First off, I would like to say I appreciate Forever for going live and talking about this at all, he could've waited much longer to say anything or just brushed past it entirely, but he didn't. That doesn't mean the subject of the stream was okay, I just am glad he said something at all.

What he did was really bad. Like not okay at all. But I also believe that some people, absolutely not every person, but some, can grow up and try to change. And I would really like to believe that Forever is one of those people. I am not defending him in the slightest, I am not denying anything, but I also am taking into consideration that this happened some eight years ago.

I don't know if I will look at him completely the same or support him with every inch of my being again since knowing this, but I do wish him the best in whatever comes next in his life, be that projects or furthering his relationship or whatever.

I will still occasionally make him a subject or mention him in things I write because I'm not writing about ccForever, I'm writing about qForever, and his character meant and still means so much to me.

I've had anxiety my whole life, this past like month has been especially bad, and I've felt genuinely a bit sick since I watched. I just can't stop thinking about it. I have only known about Forever for like four months, but his character and therefore him as a creator, have been wrapped around my brain. People say things, namely Badboyhalo, that he is like the sun kind of joking, but it truly does kind of feel like it.

And that's it. He ended stream with a montage of clips from the server with Cucorucho shooting him point blank. No more interactions or lore or theories.

I'm saying this once and I hope that's all the times I need to say it.

We are not going to do anything or urge anyone to say anything further on the matter to anyone if they don't want to talk about it. Not to Quackity or the QSMP team. Not to other creators. Not to friends or family of his. Not to other fans past or present. Not to Forever.

We are allowed to be angry or confused or even grieve. But we will do it privately and be respectful.

Goodbye Forever.

[ask-a-bot]

DP: sorry we took so long to come back, the ‘summer holidays’ have ended and we live near several schools. We were woefully unprepared for school traffic.

T: yeah there are human children everywhere. I’m terrified to walk anywhere right now.

MS: ve are doing fine for ze moment, ve don’t need anything in particular.. although very do need to find Waspinator a therapist.

W: for last time, Waspinator is fine

MS: no jou aren’t. Anyway, as for ze Vehicons… I suspect zey are reluctant to leave until Megatron haz fully recovered. Zey fret over his health in every video call.

🪣: I also think they like spending time with the Terrans. The kids have grown on them.

T: wait who are the Terrans…?

DP: oh. New Cybertronian species, native to earth. They’re younglings.

T: …WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME THERE WERE LITTLE ONES?!

They are my nieces and nephews. And I have one who is neither. Come and say hello, young ones.

Hi!

This is my nephew, Jawbreaker. He likes to be called "JB", as in Mrs. Fletcher of Murder She Wrote, but I am not one for nicknames.

You like murder things? Aw! No fair! Mom won't let us watch stuff like that.

I find Murder She Wrote quite sad. The stories are always about the people and there are always lives left damaged and innocent people hurt. They are good – always good – but somewhat painful. I can understand why your mother does not permit you to watch them.

Is there anything you would like to say about yourself?

OK! I'm the only dinobot in the family. I'm big and strong and sometimes I break stuff. Like I broke the kitchen wall when I wanted to show Mom something cool. I'm learning to be more careful though.

It is a part of growing for many of us. I, too, sometimes break things.

You do?

Yes, well... Cybertronian buildings are made of metal. I am still a little... heavy handed... sometimes. Brick, stone, concrete, wood... Earth materials are easily broken. Especially when you were built to break through Cybertronian rock. I, too, must learn to be careful and gentle. It takes time.

Moving on, then. We have my niece, Twitch:

Hello! I like birds and nature, dancing and training!

I like Earth's wildlife too. Snf. And training is always fun.

Uh-huh! 😊

My nephew, Thrash:

Yeah, I'm the coolest Terran! I'm really musical and I'm a better dancer than Twitch. I'm also a lot faster!

Life does not have to be a contest, young one. You will be happier if you accept that everyone has their own skills and we are all the best at something. Twitch included.

Brrrrrrrrpt!

Thrash! That is not the way to behave.

Sorry. Not sorry.

I heard that. Do not give me reason to talk to your mother.

Ahem. We have my niece, Hashtag:

Hi! That's me. I like skating! I think I'm pretty good at it. I'm also real good at all things Internet, but I kinda get distracted by it.

And I am Nightshade! I am the non binary nibbling.

Nibbling?

Niece, nephew or other.

Ah. So, that is the word for "sister's offspring". Thank you.

I like science and I am quite good at it. Getting better at it. I have an owl alt mode and I have always liked the way they look. I like fiction books as much as I like non fiction.

Books are good.

They are!

I also have two human... nibblings. But I am not sure where they are.

Getting car sick with Hot Rod and Bumblebee.

Oh. How nice. Bumblebee's idea, I take it?

He kept saying he's faster than Hot Rod, so now they're racing.

They wanted humans with them to... uh...

Hmbph! To act as referees, probably. Human younglings are hardly likely to stay impartial, however.

That's probably what Bumblebee's counting on.

Probably.

[rosecoloredknight]

I always see you reblog posts with the hashtag someday or fatherhood. How do you stay positive in those days when you feel kinda sad it hasn't come yet? (if you ever feel that way)

hmm, interesting question —

I could be a goof about it and just say that straight up delusion keeps me positive about such life or dream of mine hahaha, but I'll try to be more honest.

Keep in mind that it's different for everyone, okay? 😊😊

Firstly, for the "someday" because it's more broad with stuff like life goals, life, family, love, adventure, etc- ...I understand my reality or where I'm at in life. I accept that I've rejected advancement in relationships, career opportunities, and travel opportunities in general. At the same time, I've also made peace that I've missed out on opportunities when it pertains to the same things. But mostly important, I acknowledge that some setbacks or missed opportunities were due to my immaturity, mental health, inexperience, and hubris. I just didn't know better.

And that's okay.

So that's step one: understanding the reality of my situation and where I am in life.

And, well at least for me, it does get lonely, quiet (or loud depending on how you see it), hopeless, meaningless, and disheartening feeling as though you won't be able to experience joy in life or love in general.

However, I'm just optimistically in love with life ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. I will always choose to or try my best to remain in love with life because each day is a new day and you never know what it might bring. I'm intentionally choosing to make the most of what I have currently in my life and appreciate it. I'm choosing to be grateful for the friends I've made and currently have. Cherish them as much as I can. Moreover, where I'm at in life is not where I'll be forever. Meaning, maybe I have a job I don't enjoy.. I can always find another one or endure it for the sake of survival, and saving up money until I find a better job.

I'm trying not to ramble and make sense at the same time —

Do I want love? YES. I want to be that person someone wants to call to talk to and wish good night. I want to be that someone's daydream. I want to be someone's good thing. And everything else I've reblogged about love. And I will. I'm hopeful I'll find them or they'll find me 😊😊 and when that happens, forever will start.

Until then, I gotta keep growing as a person, friend, family member, and man. I gotta keep trying to be the best version of myself every day 😊😊

That being said, try not to drown in the longings to where it becomes an ocean of sadness. It's okay to want that and grieve for it as well BUT get the fuck up, look up, and breathe. You'll get all of that in due time 😊😊

Tumblr is a good place to read this post I'm about to paraphrase - you ever came across that text post about romanticizing your life? DO THAT. Be in love with the life you currently have, love your friends, family and yourself. Make the most of what you have and what you can experience, all while being excited and curious about your tomorrows 😊😊

It's not easy, and it will never get easier to deal with those sad, lonely and empty days, but it'll be worth it. time will pass anyways so you might as well be good in it 😊

—

As for "fatherhood"?

I think the fact that I'm an uncle to 10+ niblings makes it easier for me to deal with that "missing part" of my life hahaha—

There's not really much to explore other than the fact that I hope someday I get the opportunity to be a dad or be seen as a father figure? Whether it's biologically or as a step dad. That's all. I don't know if it will ever happen, that's out of my control like most things, BUT I really really really hope it does. I feel like I could make the best dad/step dad out there 😊😊😊

———

okay.. this is how I approach life, anon. It's messy, and chaotic and extremely delusional, but I try to take a minute or two to appreciate what I do have and even if I have nothing, I'm choosing to remain optimistically in love with life. 😊😊

thank you so much for the ask, anon. I hope I made sense(?) and this helps you in any small way in figuring out how to deal with those difficult days. Good luck, rooting for you. 😊✌🏽

[venti-ass-kisser]

My introduction post yay!

Hey there! Im Mozzie or Moz, blah blah blah

——————————————————————

anyway, I reblog a lot of stuff but I also post about random thoughts and stuff so the hashtags are:

for reblogs: #Mozzie reblogging

for my mental health rants and vents: #Mozzie’s shitty brain

for me and Neil’s silly shit: #Mozzie and Neil shenanigans

for random posts: #Mozzie just living

——————————————————————

Posting on here just makes me feel a bit less shit about stuff but I think I overshare a lot so sorry about that

——————————————————————

I’m autistic and INSANELY anxious so I am so so so sorry about any misunderstandings, I’m really trying my best.

——————————————————————

quick note: I am not doing very well mentally at the moment, so if I act irrational or childish, it’s because I’m not okay right now.

I will delete this section once I’m doing better, and it will probably come back in the future. Don’t worry too much about me, I have an amazing support system which I am super grateful for. This is just a little “hey, by the way” section

——————————————————————

Any bigotry or discrimination of any kind is not welcome on here. I inspect every account that follows me, so if I see anything, and I mean ANYTHING discriminatory, you’re getting blocked.

REMEMBER TO DRINK WATER

[dissociativediscourse]

Hello! I made a post reaching out to the plural community for help, and somebody recommended me your blog so, here I am!

Lately I've been considering the possibility that I might be an OSDD system, but I'm not really sure given the fact that I have convinced myself in the past that I had some sort of disorder, when in reality I didn't.

I guess my question is... How can you tell? How do you come to the conclusion that you might be part of a system? How can I tell if I'm sabotaging myself? I'm so confused.

I'll link the post down bellow, you don't have to read it if you don't want to, that's completely okay! I just thought it might help given the fact that I list most of my symptoms in there.

Thank you, have a nice day!

https://www.tumblr.com/just-an-anxious-little-mess/714800517560385536/plural-community-i-need-your-help?source=share

Hey, there! I’m more than honored that I’m being recommended for advice, and I’m happy to help!

So, first and foremost: I can’t diagnose you. And neither can anyone else on Tumblr— or anyone that isn’t a licensed professional who specializes in complex dissociative disorders. That doesn’t mean that we can’t help! It just means that you should really take anything you read (anything that’s not professional advice from a specialist, I mean) with a grain or two of salt.

Also, even with a list of symptoms, there’s still so much more that goes into it. Presentation, when and why these things happen, little details that you may not even notice yourself. Things that you’d have to know someone in real life to truly see and know for sure.

Finally, my case is a little difficult to use as a comparison for situations like these; I was diagnosed when I was a mid-teenager, and had no idea what DID even was. It was a bomb dropped on me. I’ve told the story here a million times, but… It wasn’t a case of self-diagnosis. So… Be warned that my experience with self diagnosis of DID is very limited and mostly in relation to those around me.

With all of that out of the way, let’s get started. I can’t tell you whether or not you have DID/OSDD, but I can give you some helpful pointers that may help.

If you’re questioning these things, one of the best things that you can do is look for a therapist. I have a tag (#therapy advice tag) that is featured on my blog that may help you— if it’s not enough, feel free to message me, because I’m more than happy to offer some pointers depending on your situation. It is imperative that you find someone that actually knows how to treat DID and isn’t just a cocky EMDR therapist or a newbie trauma specialist that’s fresh out of their residency and thinks they know everything. This sounds daunting, and it is an involved process. But it is very possible in many cases!

A good thing to keep in mind is that whether or not you have OSDD/DID, you want help/treatment that works for *you*. Many people think that they just need to self diagnose or get a diagnosis and then… It’s healing time!! Well… That’s not really how it works. Diagnosis is a tool that will probably only matter to your insurance— and the great news is that if someone is qualified to treat you for your dissociative disorder, they’ll put that f44.81 right on your bill! Mental health diagnosis isn’t like it is with medical doctors. It… Honestly doesn’t matter that much as long as your treatment is working.

This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t care whether or not you have this disorder. It’s just that the more energy you spend worrying about it, the less energy you’ll have to actually cope with it and get help. And that’s not good!

All this to say that a good goal to set for yourself isn’t “figure out if I have DID/OSDD ASAP and get that hashtag systemlife going!” (Which, I know that isn’t your goal. But that was a fun little sentence, wasn’t it?) — A great goal, though, would be to listen to your mind and your body and begin to work on stabilizing yourself and finding your ability to ground. To extend some feelers and figure out what you need to heal from your traumas. Because while right now it may be scary and confusing, you’re never going to do yourself any harm by grounding and finding your center and learning how to stabilize. You could be experiencing a complex dissociative disorder, and this could be that hard and heavy denial spiral. We’ve all been there. It sucks. You could also be confused… But that’s not bad.

Please remember that whether you have DID/OSDD or not is really and truly of very little importance compared to figuring out how to heal and be present and navigate your life in a way that allows you to live and enjoy living in the present. One mistake that I see very frequently is people ascribing far too much value and importance to whether or not they’re systems rather than whether or not they’re okay.

I know that I’ve gone on tangent after tangent and you’ll have to forgive me— It has been a little bit of a long day. I guess that all of this is to say that worrying about whether you’re correct about your diagnosis isn’t ever going to be helpful for you. Getting help for it is, though. Reach out. Find resources, find a professional, read books on trauma and dissociation. If the help you find doesn’t work for you, it doesn’t. Then it’s time to move on and try a different method! Don’t be discouraged if this happens, as it likely will at some point. It happens to most of us! And it will be okay.

Let me know/know that my DMs/Askbox are always open if you need more specifics or help with the therapy search. ❤️ Please be safe, and have a wonderful night.

[rusticrenewalranch]

🌱✨ We are embarking on a grand journey with the Rustic Renewal Ranch Network and invite you to be a part of it from the very beginning. This is more than just a project; it's a movement towards redefining living. Merging the wisdom of our roots with the best of modern technology, we're creating spaces where green living, wellness, and the spirit of travel thrive. Do you sometimes feel that the world is imperfect or unfair? Here's your playground to build an ideal world for the harmonious life of society and the individual! Join us in shaping a future where we embrace the positive, discard the negative, and celebrate the beauty of a life lived in harmony with nature. ✨🌱

Introduction to the Rustic Renewal Ranch Network

Welcome to the Rustic Renewal Ranch Network - a constellation of transformative retreats where dreams of a simpler, more authentic life become reality. Our ranches are more than just places; they're vibrant ecosystems of change, growth, and rejuvenation.

In the heart of nature's unspoiled beauty, each ranch offers a unique escape from the relentless pace of modern life. But it's not just about vacations and weight loss programs; you can live here permanently. And if you ever feel like a change of scenery, you're free to move to another ranch within our network. Each location features wonderful bungalows equipped with everything needed for a comfortable life, including ideal internet connectivity for work and a community of good neighbors. Here, the values of sustainable living, community, and personal wellness are not just ideals but everyday practice. We blend ancient wisdom with modern understanding to create spaces where people can reconnect with the earth, their community, and themselves.

From the serene northern landscapes of Europe to the sun-kissed coasts of Spain and Portugal, our network provides diverse settings for rediscovery and exploration. Whether it's through the quiet contemplation of nature, the satisfaction of physical work, or the joy of harvesting your own food, each ranch offers a unique pathway to transformation.

So, why join the Rustic Renewal Ranch Network? It's not just an opportunity to escape. It's an invitation to transform your life, to find balance, and to be part of a movement redefining wellness, work, and the very essence of living well.

Why Join the Rustic Renewal Ranch Project? Wake Up!

The Illusion of Remote Work

Remote Work or Choking in Smog?

So you 'escaped' the office for remote work, yet you're still inhaling city fumes? Swap that faux freedom for real, fresh air. Don't just change your workspace, change your life.

The Truth About Your Diet

Eating 'Healthy' or Just Lazy?

Think you're eating healthy? Guess again. Those 'organic' labels are laughing at you. Get real food, from real soil, not from plastic packages. It's time for a truth taste.

Your 'Green' Lifestyle Exposed

Green Living or Barely Surviving?

Proud of your little recycle bin? Cute. But if you're serious about saving the planet, start living it. Drop the half-measures and go full eco-warrior with us.

Your Skill Set, Really?

Master of Tech but a Slave to Convenience?

Great at coding, but can't cook a meal without a microwave? Let's fix that. We're offering life skills that matter - beyond the keyboard and screen.

Transformative Weight Loss Approach

Tired of Fad Diets and Gym Fads?

Ditch the diet trends and gym gimmicks. We're pioneering a real solution: intermittent fasting backed by Nobel Prize-winning science, plus natural labor - not just for looks but functional fitness. Work with the land, burn calories authentically, and watch your body thank you by transforming. This isn't just about shedding pounds; it's about shedding outdated notions of health and beauty. Join us and redefine what it means to be truly fit.

Health - More than a Hashtag

Wellness Guru or Couch Potato?

Stop scrolling through #Wellness. Start living it. Trade your couch comfort for real health - mental, physical, and spiritual. We’re not just talking yoga mats here.

Slide 6: Your Social Life - A Virtual Joke?

Your Social Life - A Virtual Joke?

Friends List Full, But Life's Empty?

Tired of digital 'connections' that leave you more isolated? Time for real bonds, real conversations, and a community that actually gets you.

The Adventure You're Missing

Adventurous Spirit or Keyboard Warrior?

Claim you love adventure, but the wildest thing you do is a Netflix marathon? Break out of your comfort zone. Real adventure awaits, not just in your browser history.

🍋🍊🍇Stop Liking, Start Living🍋🍊🍇

Enough with the virtual life. It’s time to get your hands dirty, breathe clean air, and actually live. Join Rustic Renewal Ranch. This isn’t just a change of scenery, it's a life reboot.