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everything fucking sucks
#ig we're venting in tags#so#uh tw ed and sh#these relatives i dislike are at my house#i hate them cuz they always have some comment to pass about me#“she so quiet why doesnt she talk she was so bubbly when she was younger why her hair cut like that#she has lost so much weight is she not eating“#i got bullied for my weight and now that im losing it . they have even more remarks :D#when can i can catch a break bro#and they also literally just decided my entire career that this is what i should that is whats best for me“ im this im that”#BRO STFU IM ABT TO JUMP FROM THE 3RD FLOOR#they also saw the bracelts um#i dont sh my wrists cuz i already get tons of shit for my fluctuating weight but how can u js ask someone if they sh dude.#i js wear bracelets cuz i like them#and i will never sh anywhere visible#so i js wish they could fuck off and . leave me alone.
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Me: Elbows my rib outward once and it really hurt
Rib: Feels wrong since elbowing it
Rib: Proceeds to give me bad anxiety from feeling that there's something wrong with it
Rib: Gives me 3 bad panic attacks in less than 2 days
Rib: Now hurts when I touch it
Rib: Is clearly not where it's supposed to be when I look in the mirror
Rib: Makes it so I can't lift heavy things or put pressure on it without it hurting
Rib: Still gives me anxiety and makes it impossible to focus on bad days
Doctor: "There's nothing wrong with you. Your body's just asymmetrical. Drink some water and it will go away."
. . .
Wtf doctors?
#chipsvents#Injury#Rant#Vent#Shitty Healthcare#Like I know somethings wrong with it#The best part is that the doctor looked at me as if I was crazy for even going to get it looked at#I swear if you're not dying on the floor in front of them they don't care#Anxiety#Panic attack#Anxiety attack#I fucking hate my rib
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what do you mean it’s not normal to relate to noel’s lament on a fundamental level. what do you mean it’s not normal to want to be angel dust. what do you mean it’s not normal to want to be a stripper and/or hooker with a substance abuse problem with a toxic boss/situationship and a severely fucked mental state. what the fuck you guys
#em rambles#vent ish#hazbin hotel#ride the cyclone#angel dust#noel gruber#monique gibeau#noel’s lament#based off me lying on my floor looping noel’s lament with my phone almost dead and my glasses off at 2am when i said i would sleep#and also based off a convo with bella aka @cloudii-skiies aka my best friend my ride or die my literal number 1 person
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i’m sorry but i hate when people who have never stepped foot in my store tell me how to merchandise it,,,,
#like i’ll take constructive criticism#but if you’re gonna make a map of my floor and lay everything out#in a way that doesn’t make sense or take into account stock and size integrity#and then tell me i need to change everything by friday#just get out of here lmao#dealing with maximum levels of frustration at work between yesterday and today#venting sorryyy#at the end of the day it’s my store and i’m gonna do what’s best#but i’m still annoyed about it#gg txt
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breakups are so fucking weird. three years and just like that it's gone. huh
#helix.txt#gross i ended up spilling my guts in tags. look at them fucking writhing on the floor all bloody#dont rb please#vent#to quote fall out boy i knew it was over i just didn't know the date#yeah that's it. fall out boy can fix this.#i will feel better if i go listen to bang the doldrums#and infinity on high in general#and folie a deux. folie a fucking deux how i love that album#my chem will make me better. gerard way save me#god what a weird feeling. you used to know me better than any other person but then you moved hundreds of miles away and it worked#for a while. then two years later you said it wasnt working and that this was best for both of us. guess i never got the memo for that one#hope we treat other people better because i wasn't as kind as i should have been towards the end and you were never as thoughtful or con-#-siderate as i needed towards the end. we grew apart because you're bad at keeping contact over messaging#and in some ways the cracks in the foundation that grew from that were my fault too i guess. our conversations always felt one sided#maybe i was smothering you#you could never seem to keep more than a passing recollection of the things i liked or even pay much attention to them#but i wasn't great about that either#we just became different people. you weren't what i wanted or needed and you couldn't do long distance. whatever#i know it was the right thing i just wish it hadn't made me feel so damn awful#will we still talk after this? who knows. we didn't end on bad terms but things are definitely weird#and considering your track record with people you can only talk to online i'm not optimistic#you tried to break things off initially by saying you'd said you would improve in the past with nothing to show for it#something i didn't disagree with but i said it didn't bother me much. and it didn't#but it's complicated now. i did deserve better. but you made it clear i'm not getting it from you#you weren't as present or thoughtful as i needed#i wasn't there in person the way you needed and certainly not as considerate as i should have been. and for that second part i'm truly sorr#anyways. sorry. i'd been thinking about it for a long time anyway. i didn't want to admit it because i didn't like to think#about what it might bring. maybe i should have been braver#right. that's enough
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rlly dwelling in the Not Having A Friend Group rn. like I can talk to people and I have ppl I consider my friends but they r from all different areas and aspects of my life. and I don't talk to any of them regularly anyways. ppl are lucky if they hear from me once every few months, and idk how to like. not do that, bc also when everyone is kinda at the same level of distant, how do I pick who to reach out to? it's not that I like that person above all the other ppl I haven't talked to either. and like my definition of friend has changed bc I'm not close w ppl anymore
RAHHHHHHHH I'm feeling the loneliness and the isolation (that I have brought up on myself) extra hard tonight.
#i just want connections i just want COMMUNITY#Oh freshman year of university how i miss you#only because i lived on a floor with a bunch of other gay creativeppl#and so it was SO EASY to hang out with people#WHY IS MAKING DEEPER CONNECTIONS WITH PEOPLE SO HARD#WHY IS MAINTAINING FRIENDSIPS SO FUCKING HARD FOR ME#im jn my feels tonight so ik this is stupid and irrational#but i still feel like im never gonna get better at it and im never gonna find My People ya know?#like i think thats why i love found family so much#but i feel like im never gonna be a part of anything like that#bc i cant fucking talk to people or smth#idk man#having a rough night#been feeling this way for a while loke#i have my best friend obviously who i love and adore#but they live further away and while they are so wonderful. i would like to have more than One Singular Friend.#but its like i do have friends#vut im not close to any of them anymore (if i ever even was)#RAHHHHHHH#ok sorry im spiraling tonight lol#real#vent post#personal
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Twice now in the past week when the people in the apartment above me were using their shower it's leaked through the ceiling into my bathroom and I can't tell if it's a broken pipe (I don't think so bc it's not every time?) or if they're just spilling water everywhere and it's leaking through (what the fuck are you doing in there) and either way my landlord isn't going to do anything about it bc it's not constant and like oh my god I so so badly want to go like 1 year without being reminded that my entire bathroom desperately needs to be torn out and rebuilt something my landlord is never ever ever going to do
#it used to be just the birds outside the vent which was not a big deal#but now it's been SOMETHING every single year since 2020. AND the birds got worse#what if I just sank into the floor and didn't have to deal with anything ever#oh the light is also maybe breaking? Hoping it's just that I need to replace the lightbulbs but it's being a lot weirder than normal burnt#out bulbs so. that's fun too. It's probably bc of the humidity bc the vent is blocked or broken. Bc of the. The aforementioned birds#and this is with one of the best landlords I've ever had in this city btw
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#sry I need to vent more abt my tattoo pain bc I physically cannot do anything productive rn im completely and totally incapacitated#can’t read anything beyond short posts or texts. can’t eat or move at all#tried to sleep through it so it would at least Be Tomorrow so I can get medical help. but the jolts of pain make me like Jump#hence me being sent home from work early today like it’s not even that I was complaining I was just flinching involuntarily so much#and was unable to work or function at all. thank god I don’t work retail rn I remember the pain of tattoo infections in that context#it’s so Abrupt it feels like I’m being stabbed or repeatedly bitten#literally trying not to scream bc I have a roommate. but he almost certainly hears me crying and saying ouch#which sucks bc I barely know the guy lol he has no context. At least on my drive home I could scream as much as I needed#literally would go to the ER if I could afford it and that sounds so dramatic bc it is#it doesn’t feel like it can wait. genuinely don’t know how I’m gonna get through the night#I haven’t slept in like 60 hours and I doubt I will tonight. but it hurts too much to even tell if I’m tired#and I don’t have time for this!! I have so much I need to be doing. I hate that the only way I can have Time is to be Extra Disabled#in a way that leaves me completely unable to do the things I normally can fight through despite burnout#and I was just at health services yesterday asking them to do insurance paperwork that they couldn’t do#it’s embarrassing having to be like hey I was just there but can I come back#I have Another tattoo infection but I pinky promise I take such good care of them#and my artist is like the best of the best too. it’s like it doesn’t matter what either of us does to keep me safe#and I know if anyone responds to this it will be to tell me to stop getting tattoos#but that’s literally like telling me not to get top surgery if I’m immunocompromised n might have recovery complications#both are equally important gender affirming medical procedures to me I’m not joking#and I hate always having to justify this whilst in agonizing pain. I hate answering the same things every time bc still no one believes me#I say this as someone who lives every moment in baseline pain that would have your average person writhing on the floor and I ignore it#this is truly unbearable if I hadn’t been through it a million times I would think it was life threatening#just needed to get it out ig. bc it’s all I can physically do. until health services opens in 12 hours#PLEASE let them have availability tomorrow bc i have literally no option on weekends#this is just. so upsetting and embarrassing. I don’t have time or emotional capacity for this#personal#mine#vent post
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#home improvement#interior design#ventiques#home decor#flush mount floor register#metal floor vent#wood floor vents#flush mount floor vent#flush floor regester#metal vent cover#air vents#heat vent#floor vent#flush mount vent covers#best floor vents
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not to be dark on main but i'm remembering that my father has literally psychologically tortured me. and i still live with him. because i the only other place i have to go is the streets.
#tw describing abuse in the tags look away now this is ur warning ok#uhhhh making this tag here so it offsets the actual description maybe?#ok hi. he basically would yell and scream at me for. hours sometimes. while i'd cower on the floor/try to run off/lock myself in rooms#he did this bc i had severe agorphobia bc he wanted to cure me. he told me this is *the best thing he has ever done for me*#yeah. anyway guess who's been telling their therapist *for 9 months* that they cant stand living at home anymore#i told her if i have to wait years to get out i am not making it out of this house alive bc of the toll on my mental health#oh and the physical neglect. that's a ticking time bomb since im disabled and i use drugs now.#i could have died bc of him *multiple times*. so yea!#julian rants#vent
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#i slept late i had nightmare i woke up late... i couldnt work#so i cleaned house#i will try my best tomorrow#i feel so lazy but i always feel like i have to pick up myself on floor everyday#i hope i can learn discipline#i hope i can answer messages without need energy#everything bothers me i dont be myself#i really dont be myself#im venting too much yeah#anyway i tried my best today#edit: dont wanma be myself#lol my brain work pls
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Oh god just had a fucking flashback to a friend trying to pressure me into sexual activity when we were literally ten because they were curious about sex jesus fucking lord above. Face in my fucking hands I have never hated my life more than right now
#neg#vent#cocsa tw#csa tw#i kept saying i didn't want to do it and they kept telling me we had to do *something* sexual. we had to#i felt so fucking violated even though we never did because eventually my insistence got them to back down#we were ten. TEN#i repressed that memory for fucking YEARS to stay friends with them#but when i slept over sometimes i'd stay up late and then sleep on the floor in a different room#because i didn't want that sense of violation to go any further#so yeah. i think im gonna throw up 😁#at least that time my insistence i didn't want to do anything led to the person who did backing down. wasn't always so lucky.#but fucking christ man. that was my best friend. for YEARS.#and after finally starting to get over our separation i get hit with a fucking flashback#that reminds me that even to THEM i was only a sex object as a child!
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*to the tune of that one generic kids song*
Theres a bucket in the middle of the floor 👏👏
Theres a bucket in the middle of the floor 👏👏
Theres a bucket in the middle
Theres a bucket in the middle
Theres a bucket in the middle of the floor 👏👏
The bucket is sitting in the way👏👏
When you're walking carrying a tray👏👏
The bucket's in the way
Just like every other day
there's a bucket where it really shouldn't be 👏👏
#pire.txt#Venting about work tag#The sequel is about how all the water is now on the floor but it's not being scrubbed#Because the other useless linecook in our kitchen thought the best time to scrub floors was right as a 20 person table was about to ring in
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Roach apologists i applaud you for having more courage than the marines because tonight i have become the biggest threat to your kind. Your sworn nemesis. There was a fucking german cockroach on my pillow and now i will never hear any of you out ever again. I cant even tell if im joking
#insects tw#i am literally so upset i didnt even react#i just threw my pillow off the bed and killed it and now i want to shave my head and scrub the floor. burn my mattress#its a miracle im even laying down but im sleeping backwards#resting my head where my feet go.#i dont know where the fucker came from or how long its been here#let alone how long it was IN MY BED#and of course now im paranoid#currently suffering from a case of the buggies like never before. my leg hairs feel like bugs rn#what the fuck would have happened if i hadnt gotten up to pee. i feel sick#the worst part is that i went to chug my water to prevent attracting more. there was a dead ant in my cup#sleeping with a shirt for once cuz my back is so hyper ticklish that even laying flat it felt like theres roaches on me#literally my best bet is that this roach came from the boat earlier#guess im purging my room tomorrow. cool#vent
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sobbing the lyrics to "friday night" from yakuza 0 as i'm faced with the horrible realization that I'm going to be at work until 8:30 tonight and have to immediately take a shower when I come home because I have work again at 1:00 tomorrow
#jess speaks#vent#best case scenario is that my managers decide to let me out early tonight for whatever reason. or that i collapse on the floor and die :)#i hateeeee working evenings AND I HAVE TO WORK EVENINGS ALL NEXT WEEK TOO AGGHHHHHHHHHH#i want to quit my job so baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!!! but my parents won't let meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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