#best floor vents
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Me: Elbows my rib outward once and it really hurt
Rib: Feels wrong since elbowing it
Rib: Proceeds to give me bad anxiety from feeling that there's something wrong with it
Rib: Gives me 3 bad panic attacks in less than 2 days
Rib: Now hurts when I touch it
Rib: Is clearly not where it's supposed to be when I look in the mirror
Rib: Makes it so I can't lift heavy things or put pressure on it without it hurting
Rib: Still gives me anxiety and makes it impossible to focus on bad days
Doctor: "There's nothing wrong with you. Your body's just asymmetrical. Drink some water and it will go away."
. . .
Wtf doctors?
#chipsvents#Injury#Rant#Vent#Shitty Healthcare#Like I know somethings wrong with it#The best part is that the doctor looked at me as if I was crazy for even going to get it looked at#I swear if you're not dying on the floor in front of them they don't care#Anxiety#Panic attack#Anxiety attack#I fucking hate my rib
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what do you mean it’s not normal to relate to noel’s lament on a fundamental level. what do you mean it’s not normal to want to be angel dust. what do you mean it’s not normal to want to be a stripper and/or hooker with a substance abuse problem with a toxic boss/situationship and a severely fucked mental state. what the fuck you guys
#em rambles#vent ish#hazbin hotel#ride the cyclone#angel dust#noel gruber#monique gibeau#noel’s lament#based off me lying on my floor looping noel’s lament with my phone almost dead and my glasses off at 2am when i said i would sleep#and also based off a convo with bella aka @cloudii-skiies aka my best friend my ride or die my literal number 1 person
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i’m sorry but i hate when people who have never stepped foot in my store tell me how to merchandise it,,,,
#like i’ll take constructive criticism#but if you’re gonna make a map of my floor and lay everything out#in a way that doesn’t make sense or take into account stock and size integrity#and then tell me i need to change everything by friday#just get out of here lmao#dealing with maximum levels of frustration at work between yesterday and today#venting sorryyy#at the end of the day it’s my store and i’m gonna do what’s best#but i’m still annoyed about it#gg txt
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rlly dwelling in the Not Having A Friend Group rn. like I can talk to people and I have ppl I consider my friends but they r from all different areas and aspects of my life. and I don't talk to any of them regularly anyways. ppl are lucky if they hear from me once every few months, and idk how to like. not do that, bc also when everyone is kinda at the same level of distant, how do I pick who to reach out to? it's not that I like that person above all the other ppl I haven't talked to either. and like my definition of friend has changed bc I'm not close w ppl anymore
RAHHHHHHHH I'm feeling the loneliness and the isolation (that I have brought up on myself) extra hard tonight.
#i just want connections i just want COMMUNITY#Oh freshman year of university how i miss you#only because i lived on a floor with a bunch of other gay creativeppl#and so it was SO EASY to hang out with people#WHY IS MAKING DEEPER CONNECTIONS WITH PEOPLE SO HARD#WHY IS MAINTAINING FRIENDSIPS SO FUCKING HARD FOR ME#im jn my feels tonight so ik this is stupid and irrational#but i still feel like im never gonna get better at it and im never gonna find My People ya know?#like i think thats why i love found family so much#but i feel like im never gonna be a part of anything like that#bc i cant fucking talk to people or smth#idk man#having a rough night#been feeling this way for a while loke#i have my best friend obviously who i love and adore#but they live further away and while they are so wonderful. i would like to have more than One Singular Friend.#but its like i do have friends#vut im not close to any of them anymore (if i ever even was)#RAHHHHHHH#ok sorry im spiraling tonight lol#real#vent post#personal
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#sry I need to vent more abt my tattoo pain bc I physically cannot do anything productive rn im completely and totally incapacitated#can’t read anything beyond short posts or texts. can’t eat or move at all#tried to sleep through it so it would at least Be Tomorrow so I can get medical help. but the jolts of pain make me like Jump#hence me being sent home from work early today like it’s not even that I was complaining I was just flinching involuntarily so much#and was unable to work or function at all. thank god I don’t work retail rn I remember the pain of tattoo infections in that context#it’s so Abrupt it feels like I’m being stabbed or repeatedly bitten#literally trying not to scream bc I have a roommate. but he almost certainly hears me crying and saying ouch#which sucks bc I barely know the guy lol he has no context. At least on my drive home I could scream as much as I needed#literally would go to the ER if I could afford it and that sounds so dramatic bc it is#it doesn’t feel like it can wait. genuinely don’t know how I’m gonna get through the night#I haven’t slept in like 60 hours and I doubt I will tonight. but it hurts too much to even tell if I’m tired#and I don’t have time for this!! I have so much I need to be doing. I hate that the only way I can have Time is to be Extra Disabled#in a way that leaves me completely unable to do the things I normally can fight through despite burnout#and I was just at health services yesterday asking them to do insurance paperwork that they couldn’t do#it’s embarrassing having to be like hey I was just there but can I come back#I have Another tattoo infection but I pinky promise I take such good care of them#and my artist is like the best of the best too. it’s like it doesn’t matter what either of us does to keep me safe#and I know if anyone responds to this it will be to tell me to stop getting tattoos#but that’s literally like telling me not to get top surgery if I’m immunocompromised n might have recovery complications#both are equally important gender affirming medical procedures to me I’m not joking#and I hate always having to justify this whilst in agonizing pain. I hate answering the same things every time bc still no one believes me#I say this as someone who lives every moment in baseline pain that would have your average person writhing on the floor and I ignore it#this is truly unbearable if I hadn’t been through it a million times I would think it was life threatening#just needed to get it out ig. bc it’s all I can physically do. until health services opens in 12 hours#PLEASE let them have availability tomorrow bc i have literally no option on weekends#this is just. so upsetting and embarrassing. I don’t have time or emotional capacity for this#personal#mine#vent post
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not to be dark on main but i'm remembering that my father has literally psychologically tortured me. and i still live with him. because i the only other place i have to go is the streets.
#tw describing abuse in the tags look away now this is ur warning ok#uhhhh making this tag here so it offsets the actual description maybe?#ok hi. he basically would yell and scream at me for. hours sometimes. while i'd cower on the floor/try to run off/lock myself in rooms#he did this bc i had severe agorphobia bc he wanted to cure me. he told me this is *the best thing he has ever done for me*#yeah. anyway guess who's been telling their therapist *for 9 months* that they cant stand living at home anymore#i told her if i have to wait years to get out i am not making it out of this house alive bc of the toll on my mental health#oh and the physical neglect. that's a ticking time bomb since im disabled and i use drugs now.#i could have died bc of him *multiple times*. so yea!#julian rants#vent
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#i slept late i had nightmare i woke up late... i couldnt work#so i cleaned house#i will try my best tomorrow#i feel so lazy but i always feel like i have to pick up myself on floor everyday#i hope i can learn discipline#i hope i can answer messages without need energy#everything bothers me i dont be myself#i really dont be myself#im venting too much yeah#anyway i tried my best today#edit: dont wanma be myself#lol my brain work pls
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Oh god just had a fucking flashback to a friend trying to pressure me into sexual activity when we were literally ten because they were curious about sex jesus fucking lord above. Face in my fucking hands I have never hated my life more than right now
#neg#vent#cocsa tw#csa tw#i kept saying i didn't want to do it and they kept telling me we had to do *something* sexual. we had to#i felt so fucking violated even though we never did because eventually my insistence got them to back down#we were ten. TEN#i repressed that memory for fucking YEARS to stay friends with them#but when i slept over sometimes i'd stay up late and then sleep on the floor in a different room#because i didn't want that sense of violation to go any further#so yeah. i think im gonna throw up 😁#at least that time my insistence i didn't want to do anything led to the person who did backing down. wasn't always so lucky.#but fucking christ man. that was my best friend. for YEARS.#and after finally starting to get over our separation i get hit with a fucking flashback#that reminds me that even to THEM i was only a sex object as a child!
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Roach apologists i applaud you for having more courage than the marines because tonight i have become the biggest threat to your kind. Your sworn nemesis. There was a fucking german cockroach on my pillow and now i will never hear any of you out ever again. I cant even tell if im joking
#insects tw#i am literally so upset i didnt even react#i just threw my pillow off the bed and killed it and now i want to shave my head and scrub the floor. burn my mattress#its a miracle im even laying down but im sleeping backwards#resting my head where my feet go.#i dont know where the fucker came from or how long its been here#let alone how long it was IN MY BED#and of course now im paranoid#currently suffering from a case of the buggies like never before. my leg hairs feel like bugs rn#what the fuck would have happened if i hadnt gotten up to pee. i feel sick#the worst part is that i went to chug my water to prevent attracting more. there was a dead ant in my cup#sleeping with a shirt for once cuz my back is so hyper ticklish that even laying flat it felt like theres roaches on me#literally my best bet is that this roach came from the boat earlier#guess im purging my room tomorrow. cool#vent
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sobbing the lyrics to "friday night" from yakuza 0 as i'm faced with the horrible realization that I'm going to be at work until 8:30 tonight and have to immediately take a shower when I come home because I have work again at 1:00 tomorrow
#jess speaks#vent#best case scenario is that my managers decide to let me out early tonight for whatever reason. or that i collapse on the floor and die :)#i hateeeee working evenings AND I HAVE TO WORK EVENINGS ALL NEXT WEEK TOO AGGHHHHHHHHHH#i want to quit my job so baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!!! but my parents won't let meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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ppl dont talk about the fact that even Daisuke's characterization is affected by Jimmy's unreliable perspective. He refers to Daisuke as a spoiled rich kid who has his mommy and daddy behind him, that he's impressionable and stupid, and i do see people kinda characterizing him like that
like he has these rich parents who will dote on him and give him everything, that he's an airhead who isn't good at anything...
yet in curly's perspective we see that he's good at board games, he's trying his best, he's trying to listen to swansea and learn from him. He did get the internship from his parents but not because he wanted to, but because his parents thought he wasn't going anywhere in life, that he needed to be doing something. Daisuke is silly and a positive person but that's just for show, we see in the scene where Jimmy finds him lying on the floor drunk on mouthwash, that Daisuke isn't doing well, he's scared and feels sad about his parents. He makes jokes to cope with the horrible tension on the ship.
people characterize him as a stupid little kid too much for my liking, that's how Jimmy sees him. As a spoiled brat who came on the ship just to be an inconvenience. Even Swansea didn't see him like that, sure he complained about him but in Daisuke's final moments we see Swansea's true colors and how much he actually cares for him. He's an adult, who's putting on this happy go-lucky persona because he truly wants to succeed in life, and he's doing the internship for his mom and dad even though he doesn't want to. So he makes friends, he tries his best, he wants to be on the good side of everyone on the ship.
Jimmy just saw him as an easy target, someone too trusting and easily manipulated. A stupid kid he can use to get what he wants. He even plays with Daisuke's feelings of needing validation from Swansea, someone he looks up to. He tells Daisuke that by going in the vent, he'd make Swansea proud.
Daisuke isn't someone who has it easy or someone who's a stupid airhead. Jimmy just saw kindness and positivity as weakness.
#sorry if this doesn't make any sense...i just needed to get my thoughts abt daisuke out of my head#fuck you jimmy#mouthwashing#mouth washing#wrong organ#daisuke#daisuke mouthwashing#mouthwashing daisuke#jimmy mouthwashing#swansea mouthwashing#swansea#riv rambling
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And the cycle begins anew . As it does every week
#vent continued in tags sorry gang#every fucking monday ma ends up pissed and yelling about SOMETHING#sorry that im taking the meds that actually help and im not miserable and in pain all the time and throwing up all the time and i didn't#hear the baby making a mess at four in the morning . shocker that the meds that knock me out would prevent me from waking up to hear that#and its not like i can even be upset that she's mad . i was mad . i am mad . i did my best to clean it up#and its not like he only got into her shit. he got into my shit too. he ruined and wasted my stuff too.#when he was able to get into my room and destroy things all the time it was always “dont act like that#he doesn't understand . you cant be mad at him#why would you leave it out if you didn't want it destroyed“ as if i had any other fucking option#maybe if i didn't have fuckin . 8 sheets of drywall (?)#two metal floor vents and a fucking DOOR just sitting in my room i'd have space fo put my stuff and i wouldn't bitch about it#he doesn't get into my room anymore because i have a lock that i have to carry the key for around 24/7#but i do myfucking best to keep him from getting into shit but i CANT DO THAT ALL THE TIME#ESPECIALLY NOT AT FOUR IN THE MORNING WHEN HE IS ACTIVELY BEING SNEAKY AND IM SO KNOCKED OUT I COULD WOULD AND HAVE SLEPT THROUGH TORNADO#SIRENS . SHOCKER THAT HES ABLE TO DESTROY SHIT WHEN IM IN SUCH A STATE . WHO COULD'VE PREDICTED THIS .#im trapped here i can never fucking leave jesus christ#i can never leave. what the hell am i gonna do#i cant do this for the rest of my life . i want to move away so bad but i cant even do that#im too disabled to work like i need to to support myself i cant move to another state but its the only way i'd be able to escape this#unless i move to fuckin . chicago or some shit#god i hate it here i hate myself for not being able to handle it and being upset and being dramatic about it all#and i hate myself for being so tired of it because i dont have any excuse and i hate myself for being so upset that im not able to have#a social life and being jealous of my younger coworkers that talk about hanging out with their friends or like . goin to the fucking park#on a weekday and not being constantly messaged about how bad their baby brother is and how they need to come home asap and#how they aren't wrecked by the guilt of being out even on the weekends and i hate that im so jealous of them#and i hate how embarrassing it is that im the only one of my coworkers who doesn't get asked what they're doing on weekdays anymore because#everybody knows exactly what im doing. im staying at home watching the baby#and i hate how humiliated i am every time one of my friends cancels plans last minute and i hate that i lie to my ma about why plans change#god that got long and obnoxious . sorry gang (me rereading my tags later)#puppmeo misery
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it's fucking.... yelling hours...
#i heard him say “i hate them”#ahhhhh#that was my best friend#i feel like im gonna die into my bathroom floor#“they're fucking useless”#i might be but he's not#they speak#vent#nram
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