#bertie and his adorable teeth

[mechs-headcanons]

in a bertie mood ig so!! bertie headcanons!!

a HUUGE trickster. loved to play pranks and was generally a class clown. the biggest little shit, and wouldnt follow rules if he thought they were stupid. malicious compliance was his best friend and loopholes were his brothers in arms

often had to be the """responsible""" friend bc tim was so reckless and chaotic and got into so. many. fights. but every once in a while would get into his own fights and would encourage gunpowder's fights. was also a pretty good fighter, but he fought dirty. like biting and scratching and he never cut his nails so he kind of had claws. regularly drew blood and once some kid his bit the wound got infected and bertie bragged abt it for like. weeks

wild child. woudlnt wear shoes and ran around in the woods all the time. would eat anything, even handfuls of dirt. he did this regularly

*strikes him with the asthma beam* (i dont have asthma but my siblings do so most of my headcanons abt his asthma are based off of them) he prefers humid climates bc its easier to breathe. would get asthma attacks after running around for three hours and then get back up and run around again as if nothing happened, often to his own detriment. has to be cajoled by tim to actually take his inhaler. he forgot abt it a lot so gunpowder would carry it just in case. would get completely Wiped Out by sickness if it targeted his lungs/throat

every once in a while during the war would just come back to camp completely covered in blood. who's blood? who knows, but never his!! Jonny thought it was the hottest thing ever

probably a war criminal like tim tbh

demisexual cupioromantic, trans man

he uses he/him but i think he also just doesnt care. just dont be disrespectful bc he Would Punch You In The Face, and you'd probably lose a few teeth

probably gave the toy soldier teeth as a gift several times. he never said where he got the teeth though. ts adored it

toy soldier introduced him to teeth in tea and bertie's life changed for the better. gunpowder, though he was well aware of how Weird bertie was, thought that was the weirdest thing he ever did/enjoyed.

probably had a bunch of hobbies and half finished projects, always finding something new to work on/start

didn;t want to join the lunar war when he and gunpowder were drafted, almost became a draft dodger abt it, but went anyway to make sure gunpowder didn't die or do something ridiculous

only likes attention when he chose to be the center of it, if you start looking at him when he isnt being funny or performing he gets embarrassed and starts stuttering and looking anywhere but your face

was killed by a nasty combination of an infected gun shot wound a gas attack after his mask was broken. his body had to be burned bc those who were killed by the gas weren't exactly edible

this man has No morals, just people he cares about and will do anything for

regularly stole provisions from other soldiers and other camps.

he could talk his way into Anything, he was a manipulative bastard and the ultimate sweet talker. managed to convince jonny to give him the better booze that the first mate had hidden away in his tent exactly once before jonny started refusing to give him anyhing point blank.

if he was in the city/alive during UDAD i think he'd be one of the furies. lawyer/manipulation vibes and yet still often an omen of death and the embodiment of "oh no, the consequences of my actions!"

chaos incarnate bertie is just neat i think :3

-✨ who is always thinking about this loser and need more people to conside that he was probably Just As Unhinged as gunpowder tim

bertie!! yes give him asthma,,,, me too my chest hurts.

[number1spongebobfan]

Non Rail Vehicle Headcanons Part 2

Bulstrode

He's a boat-man. He spends time underwater often, so he wears scuba-diving gear.

He's brutish and unhappy.

He got his comeuppance being used as a playground for children. One time SpongeBob and Patrick came to play on him and he was utterly humiliated xD

Duck doesn't like him at all. He finds him to be unwestern, villainous, and unruly.

He's a humpback whale with mechanical boat parts in his animal form.

He met the Star Fleet from Tugs before and is familiar with them.

Trevor!

He works on the farm. He is allowed to try his farmer's produce and other goods. A good taste tester!

He loves children. He cannot stand child abuse. He's a heavy machine and if anyone lays their hands on a kid, they'll have to go through him!

Bill and Ben make fun of his hair because it looks like a pumpkin.

He is a frog with traction wheels on his legs in his animal form.

He is sweet, tough, and amiable.

He likes to eat pumpkins and is always excited to pick them up for Halloween.

Bulgy

So you know how Mickey Mouse is rivals with Peg Leg Pete? Bulgy is Pete and Bertie is Mickey Mouse.

He is really annoying.

He is rabidly anti-rail and protested for the railroads to shut down. He's an analogy for people on the far ends of the political spectrum.

Shire horse (like Gordon) with double decker bus wheels on his legs in his animal form.

He turned into a chicken coop. The chickens pecked and layed eggs on him :)

He eats too much hamburgers.

Terence

He wears a cowboy hat. He also knows how to lasso!

He keeps his teeth pearly white using a special brand of toothpaste.

He calls his rollerskates, "caterpillars". He loves caterpillars because they are very cute and they turn into butterflies.

He knows how to square dance.

He's a pony with tractor wheels on his legs in his animal form.

His favorite song is, "Old MacDonald had a farm".

He has a straightforward and logical personality.

Elizabeth

She's stuffy and self-righteous.

This is due to her being locked in a shed for a long time. She lacked her social skills.

However, she is sweet and adorable once you get to know her!

She likes to play with balloons and knows how to make them.

She's a golden retriever with lorry wheels on her legs in her animal form.

She likes to blow bubbles.

She uses a strong, cherry scent of perfume.

Madge

She is modest. She wears a Catholic veil on her head to preserve her modesty.

She is Luke's mother figure. She comforts him when he is sad and plays with him.

She visits the Skarloey Railway.

She's a fox with lorry wheels on her legs in her animal form.

She has chronic pain. Duncan is her masseur. He pounds on her back like a madman but for some reason it helps. XD

She has a beautiful singing voice. Birds and butterflies come and settle around her because of how good her voice is.

She likes to have picnics.

[for-valour]

THAT SMILE! George VI during the Royal state visit to the United States, June 1939.

gifs made by @for-valour

[ivyaugustetc]

the dead poets at hogwarts: a headcanon from hell

@aedan-mills @charlie-dalton-simp @pretentious-strikes YOU ENCOURAGED THIS BEHAVIOR SO YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE CONSEQUENCES. also i love you a lot but THAT'S BESIDE THE POINT.

also @aedan-mills i found out that some of the wand stuff is related to their birthdays and i am much too lazy to look all that up and figure it all out, but anyone else is welcome to lmao. sorry to disappoint but alas it's summer and i don't want to research that much. but other than that, please listen to me flex my extensive knowledge on harry potter :)

neil (half blood): i'm sorry,,,, can you say gryffindor? this boy would get up there and in a second the sorting hat would have him all figured out: big dreams with the will to pursue them, but not ambitious enough to step over others to achieve said dreams? sounds like a gryffindor to me. i just know he'd thrive at hogwarts, probably going on to play quidditch (def a chaser) and would excel in charms class. as far as pets go, i feel like he'd stay simple and classy with a chill barn owl he'd name after a famous broadway actor. he would kind of be a mix of james and remus, in which he's wild and crazy but still manages to get good grades. the teachers love him simply because they don't know much about him outside of class. he would absolutely LOVE going to hogsmeade and going batshit crazy at zonko's and honeydukes. he'd have a whole phase where he gets addicted to licorice wands and everyone else thinks they're disgusting but he simply cannot buy enough of them. he'd play a bunch of zonko tricks on the rest of the poets, saving the most harsh for charlie and the most wholesome for todd <3

todd (muggle born): ugh see i can see him being both a hufflepuff and a ravenclaw, but my heart says hufflepuff so i'm gonna go with that. he would absolutely HATE the sorting ceremony with a burning passion. getting up in front of everybody only to have a hat judge u??? no thanks. HAHAHA CAN YOU IMAGINE HIM ON A BROOM. i can't either because he would simply never get on one, probably referring to them as "flying death traps" more often than not. "hey todd, you think about joining quidditch?" "no thanks, i'd rather keep my limbs intact ;)". but he would love muggle studies a lot, even if the teacher was boring as hell. snape would scare the hell out of him for sure, resulting in his lowest class being potions. he would excel in classes that are more learning out of the book rather than in practice. for a pet, he'd want something that could not possibly turn on him and would just be sweet and loving, so ima give him a toad :) he'd name it something fancy and british, like nigel or sumn. and because of nigel, he'd love chocolate frogs because hey they're twins!!

fanon knox (pure blood): hogwarts fuck boy. okay well maybe not f boy but like...his favorite part is the fact that this is a co-ed school rather than an all-boys school so he can spy on both genders equally yknow. hmm i get hufflepuff vibes from him because he's a big romantic, sucker for cute relationships, etc. he would enjoy whichever class his current crush is in, although I feel like he'd do well with classes that involved spells and wand work mostly lmao. he'd want a really fucking cute pet, so i'd give him a kneazle (it's like a cat but a bit more lion like). he'd give it a strong sounding name, something german idk. but he'd love the shit out of that kneazle, i can tell you that much. i feel like he'd try out for quidditch his first few years, not make it on, and then make it on to the team around fourth year and somehow end up team captain in seventh (and that proves kids, that you too can have a redemption arc in sports). as far as candy goes, ima say he likes the super sour candy like acid pops n shit. like i feel like the others would dare him to each as much sour candy as he can and then he wouldn't be able to taste for a week. but he'd think it was worth it :)

cameron (muggle born): good god this boy just wants to learn. magic just fascinates him, what with growing up in a big muggle family (bestie he is the weasleys if they were all type a). he's a ravenclaw, no questions asked. he would love classes involving preciseness and attention, things like potions and transfiguration. i feel like he'd have a cute, stable relationship along the way ofc because he deserves so much love and happiness and UGH he's a baby. he'd stick with a lil ginger cat, naming it after one of the famous wizards he's read about. he would love spending christmas at the school and going places when the ground are nearly empty, enjoying the scenery. for candy, he'd go plain and simple with chocolate frogs. can't go wrong with those. he'd still have fun with his friends, but he'd skip a lot of parties for some studying (don't judge, i do it too lmao). would not play quidditch but would enjoy it, end of story.

charlie (pure blood): slytherin. don't dispute it. think the weasley twins but even more flirtatious. he would be a regular at every single party that happened, flirting with the guys and gals shamelessly and drinking butterbeer like it was water. look me in the eye and tell me he would not absolutely fucking HATE GILDEROY LOCKHART WITH EVER FIBER OF HIS BEING. he'd do spot-on impersonations of him though. teacher's worst enemy. like when he walks into class on the first day, every teacher collectively mutters "bloody hell not this kid again". asks the most incredibly stupid questions ("okay but is there a spell to turn my eyebrows green? just the eyebrows though, not my hair"). he would be the most aggressive beater on the slytherin team, though he would never deliberately try to hit someone, just distract the shit out of them ("put the fear of god in them and fate will do the rest"). he'd want a loud, aggressive pet but he'd probably end up with a mean cat that hisses at everyone. he'd give it the most adorable name that just. does not fit the personality. something like priscilla. for candy, he'd take his chance with bertie botts' every flavour beans and just roll with the punches. he's chaotic like that.

pitts (half blood): ASTRONOMY IS HIS JAM. he fucking loves that class. he tutors the entire ravenclaw house in that class. he's the guy that little first years who are terrified of the class go to when they're completely lost and don't understand what's going on. besides that, i feel like he'd just be everyone's cool older brother yknow? like he'd be in charge of helping all the first years figure out where stuff is and giving them advice to help them and stuff. he would be a die-hard quidditch fan although he would not play the sport (maybe recreationally on the weekends and holidays and stuff, but the fact that it's so fucking dangerous just does not appeal to him). he'd like the candy that does tricks and stuff, like fizzing whizbees and stuff. he gives me charlie weasley vibes, where he's hardcore in certain areas (in his case, astronomy) and just flipping chill in anything else. cool older brother vibes, man. it fits.

meeks (half blood): i've said it once and i'll say it again: nonproblematic ginger dumbledore. also a hufflepuff <3 this dude just wants to fucking coast along, getting good grades and not participating in the dumb shit that could probably get him killed (even though he would in a heartbeat if his friends were in danger. duh). he'd be a teacher's favorite, probably having conversations with his favorite teachers during free time. okay ik this isn't technically at school, but i swear to god he would be dumbledore one day. like he would be the chill ass headmaster who gets shit done while also being very la di da life is nice flowers are pretty type of person. that being said, his favorite candy is and has been lemon drops ever since dumbledore got him addicted to them. his favorite classes would be potions (he'd surprisingly get along well with snape) and he'd just be great and mixing shit right and just knowing how much of stuff to add in ("how much powdered root do i add?" "about three and a half shakes." "that's not a measurement, meeks." "*shrug* it works"). he'd stick with his small friend group and love them to death, but he'd be a friend to all really. he'll help anyone that comes to him asking for help with homework (and though he won't admit it, he gets super prideful when it's someone a few years ahead of him).

stick (muggle born): harry potter if harry potter could've been more harry potter. like he would just be a part of everything and end up being part of some prophecy that demands he'd save the world and at first he'd be like HEY i'm just a small boy but then he'd grit his teeth and finesse the shit out of this preventing the end of days stuff. he'd definitely be a gryffindor, and fucking proud of it. he'd be the seeker on the quidditch team because he is so short and small and yeah he'd fucking kill it there. he'd kind of be the shy one no one expected much from, but once he starts absolutely wrecking the shit out of the other houses' quidditch teams, he'd become sorta popular? like people would invite him to parties and stuff and he's too nice to say no, but he'd mostly just hang around the outskirts, saying hi to the other poets if he saw them and mostly talking to chris and ginny (danburry, not weasley). he'd like defense against the dark arts and minerva mcgongiall would become his literal mother i can't explain it. he'd have an owl as a pet and treat it like it was his own child, telling it thank you every time it brought his mail or took his mail. as for candy, he'd like drooble's bubble gum because the bubbles are all magic and shit and i just feel like that would make him so happy <3

chris (pure blood): the older sister lesbian <3 she'd be a sweet hufflepuff who would be friends with everyone while also being the greatest socialite the school has ever seen. you know that party that practically the entire school attended and talked about for months on end? she planned that shit. she'd be like pitts in the respect that she'd help all the first years find their way in the school and in life in general. she's just such a warm and kind person that everyone would love her. she's have a little pink pygmy puff to match ginny's purple one, and she'd give it such a perfect, human name like lila or something. she'd be great at muggle studies and all the teachers would love her. also every one is so invested in her relationship with ginny it's adorable. he favorite candy is acid pops even though they make her eyes water like crazy. she'd make pretty good grades, every once in a while getting one slightly lower than she'd expected, but she always manages to bring them up to her satisfactory level :) she would not play quidditch, but she would go all out to support ginny, even though they're in different houses. that's what i call love, baby.

ginny (half blood): the mom lesbian <3 she's a ravenclaw and also one of the sweetest people in the whole school. while chris helps other with the social aspect, ginny will help anyone in any subject they need help with (she and meeks are a help duo on this). she's quieter and less social than chris, but she's one of the best chasers the ravenclaw quidditch team has ever seen. she'd end up team captain by fifth of sixth year. she'd be like oliver wood in that she is sO invested in the team's success that at sometimes she'll go a bit crazy, but chris is always there to help her put things back into perspective <3. she'd make stellar grades of course, being good friends with all of her teachers. her favorite candy would be the sweetest things like fairy floss. as previously stated, she'd have a purple pygmy puff to match chris's pink one, and she'd also give it an adorable human name like lisa or something. ginny's just sweet to everyone, especially neil and his friends.

I DID IT. IT TOOK FOREVER AND A FEW HAIL MARYS BUT I DID IT. enjoy besties <3 love u all

[cheesyficwriter]

Hello cheesy! Could you please write for the prompt "kiss on the nose"? Thanks ❤

- folk melody

Hiya, Folk! Thank you so much for the request 💜 I've had this plot bunny stirring for quite some time, and I found a way to fit it into what you've requested. Hope you enjoy this piece of fluff with a potion mishap 🙂

Weasley Hair With a Granger Face

Hermione has made a disastrous mistake.

A colossal, humongous, why did I ever trust George Weasley type of mistake.

It all started when she sought out some Sleekeazy to tame her frizzy mane, desperate to find a remedy before the Auror gala she was to attend with Ron that evening. She ran into George in Diagon Alley, and when he thrust a vial into her hands that he insisted would give her the sleek and shiny look she was hoping for, her first instinct was not to trust him.

However, as she checked the time, she realized she had no choice but to go with what he offered, or deal with her mass of curls for the rest of the evening.

Now, she finds herself standing in front of her bathroom mirror, gaping at her reflection that resembles herself, with one stark contrast — her appearance is reminiscent of a Polyjuice Potion gone wrong.

Her hair is just as frizzy as ever, but instead of her usual caramel-colored locks, the color has now transformed into a vibrant shade of red.

She’s a ginger.

It’s like she’s a long lost member of the Weasley clan, with her wild curls being the only remaining signature feature that makes her Hermione.

“George. Weasley.” Hermione mutters through gritted teeth. She picks up her wand, murmuring Crinus Muto, groaning when the color of her hair did not transform back to its original state.

Of course not. There must be a temporary lock on all charms used to combat the effects of the product.

“Hermione?”

A knock on the bathroom door makes Hermione’s grip on her wand tighten, eyes bulging out as a wave of dread washes over her. What in Merlin’s name is she supposed to tell Ron? She’s already preparing for him to take the mickey out of her for trusting his brother in the first place.

The knock grows louder again, and she can hear Ron growing impatient. “Hermione, what’s taking so long in there?”

After one last failed effort to charm her way out of her situation, Hermione takes a deep, steadying breath before swinging open the door with reluctance.

Ron draws his wand faster than Hermione can blink, pointing it directly at her.

"Who are you?" he demands.

Her heart rate accelerates, not once preparing for the possibility that Ron would be so thrown off by the change in her hair color that he would suspect an intruder.

She slowly lifts her hands in a defensive position. "Hermione Granger. Your fiance."

Ron’s extended arm doesn’t budge. "Prove your identity."

The corner of her mouth arches up, knowing immediately what to say in order to get him to believe her. "You have a freckle shaped like a Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Bean on your bum."

Ron’s eyes widen, his cheeks growing the same shade of auburn as their matching hair color. "It is you. Blimey, what the hell happened?"

“I’d rather not discuss it, thank you,” Hermione brushes him off, sliding past him into the sitting area.

“Now hold on a minute.” Ron follows behind her, curiosity displayed in his tone. “Did you...voluntarily change your hair color?”

Hermione squeezes her eyes shut, knowing that Ron won’t relent until she fesses up. “Not exactly.”

Ron’s eyes narrow. “Then how exactly does Hermione Granger end up looking more like my sister than my future wife?”

Hermione huffs out a dignified breath, crossing her arms. “We could get married even if we had the same hair color, Ron.”

Waving a dismissive hand through the air, he grumbles, “Yeah yeah, I know that. Still doesn’t explain the reason for the change.”

“Well, you might want to ask your brother!”

Ron’s lip part, an airy chuckle escaping his lips. “Which one?”

“Oh, you know which one!” Hermione shrills, pacing the floor.

Ron snorts, once, twice, before doubling over with laughter, clutching his sides. “Of bloody course. I can’t believe you fell for it! It’s George.”

A flash of irritation rolls through her. “Ron! You’re supposed to be on my side! I just wanted to sleek down my hair.” She gestures towards her curly-haired mess. “How am I supposed to go to the Ministry this evening looking like this?”

“Oi, being a redhead isn’t so bad!”

Hermione slumps onto the sofa, moaning into her hands. “I know that. It’s just not...me.”

“Hey…” Ron’s voice is much softer this time, and Hermione feels the weight of the cushions cave in as Ron sits beside her, wrapping a comforting arm around her shoulder. “It’ll be alright.”

Hermione sits back up, sniffling as she rests her head on Ron’s shoulder.

"For future reference, love,” Ron whispers, his cheek resting on top of her curls. “It doesn't matter to me if you have brown hair, red hair, short hair, or long hair. You could even be bald for all I care. You're still you. And I'm still me. That’s all that matters."

Hermione smiles against his jumper, snuggling even further into his chest. "That’s quite sweet, Ron.” Her head snaps up with a sudden thought, sending a warning finger in his direction. “Don't use this as an excuse to dye your hair blue now!"

"Why, Hermione,” he muses, a teasing glint in his eyes, “I didn't realize you were so vain."

“Oh, shut it.”

“Hm…” Ron toys with the red fringe on her forehead. “Now I have an idea of what our child might look like if we have a girl.”

Hermione grins from ear to ear, overcome with adoration for the man who’s managed to lift her mood with practiced ease. “Yeah?”

Ron leans over, placing a gentle kiss on the tip of her nose. “Yeah. Weasley hair with a Granger face.”

Weasley hair with a Granger face. Sounds perfect.

[schrijverr]

Introductions

How Bertie met Jonny and introduced him to Tim. Wherein Jonny gets beaten up and then saved by Bertie, who is familiar with keeping idiots alive.

On AO3.

Ships: Bertie x Tim (x Jonny preslash)

Warnings: jonny gets beat up. Tell me if I missed anything or if you want me to tag something!

~~~~~~~~~

Bertie was making his way to his and Tims tent, when he saw the small crowd chanting something about a fight. He frowned and went over to see what the fuss was all about. Getting to the front he could see four big guys beating the shit out of a small soldier.

“Hey, hey, what the fuck, let him go.” Bertie exclaimed, pulling one guy off.

The guy turned around, gearing up to fight Bertie, but although Bertie had a soft heart he was also up in the 6ft with a lot of muscle on him, so the guy just snarled something about the other deserving it, before storming off with his buddies.

With the entertainment gone, the crowd dispersed until it was just Bertie and the soldier. He looked worse for wear, but not really upset, even grinning slightly as he checked if his teeth were still all there.

“Hi, I’m Bertie, you okay? What did you do to piss them all off?” Bertie asked.

The soldier shook his hand: “Jonny, nice to meet ya. And I’m fine, you didn’t need to save my ass, I had it handled.”

Bertie rolled his eyes at the brashness of this Jonny, who from his perspective was on the edge of being beaten to death, something he informed the other off.

Jonny in turn just laughed and said: “Very bold of you to assume I can die.”

Oh no, Bertie thought, another kid with illusions of grandeur about his own survival skills, he and Tim would get along. Hmm, he and Tim would get along.

“Sure, immortal boy, just tell me why they beat you up and I’ll get you some bandages so that you and your invulnerable skin can continue to exist.” Bertie told him sarcastically, leading him along the route he had already been taking.

“Hey, I said immortal not unkillable.” Jonny protested, jogging slightly to keep up, “And I kind of did deserve the beating, if you are to believe their reasoning. And I’m not a boy.”

“Okay, then immortal man.” Bertie teased, “What’s the reasoning?”

“Well, you remember that one recruiter song? The one that went like: Grab yourself a laser lad and serve your Queen with a smile, smile, smile.” Jonny sang the last part and it sounded very familiar almost uncanny, like he was the person he’d heard on the radio…

“Oh.” Bertie said, getting it suddenly.

“Yeah, apparently I’m to blame for convincing them to join, like they didn’t buy into it themselves, like I mean, if they’d just listened they could hear that was just blatant propaganda.” Jonny told him, “I just want to say, I’ve seen a history book, no one ever described soldiers as having a smile that’s just basic thinking.”

Bertie snorted slightly and agreed: “You have a point there, me and Tim got drafted, but I have to say this is not what I expected of it.”

“Oh, I enlisted, along with TS, thought it’d be fun.” Jonny told him.

Internally Bertie thought, oh god why is he so dumb that he thought that was a good reason, oh my god, who is in charge of him. Out loud, however, he said: “What makes you say that? You were just bashing those guys for thinking it would be fun.”

“Yeah, but they’re dumb, cause they can die, I can’t, so for me it is fun, like an extreme laser tag fight.” Jonny explained.

Bertie fought off a huge face palm, Jonny obviously believed this immortality thing more than he had expected. He asked: “And is it as fun as you expected?”

“I’m having a great time, yeah, less beating the shit out of someone with my bare hands, but still enough violence to keep me occupied until I can go.” Jonny shrugged.

“And where is this TS?” Bertie asked, trying to figure out who was making sure Jonny was surviving this war until it was over. He was already so tiny and it broke Berties heart to know that he had probably come up with the immortality to cope with the war.

“The Toy Soldier deci-”

“The Toy Soldier?”

“Yeah, its a bit of a weirdo, but anyway, it decided it liked the uniforms of the Lunar Men more, all the plumes, you know, so it joined them, but I’m sure I’ll see it again once it gets bored.” Jonny explained, but not clearing much up.

“Ah, of course.” Bertie said, glad that his tent was already in sight.

When they got in sight Tim waved at him with a smile and held up a bottle as he called out: “Bertie, who did you pick up this time?”

“Who’s that?” Jonny asked.

“Tim, an idiot I’m trying to keep alive currently, who has a affinity for explosions.” Bertie said.

“He sounds cool.” Jonny replied, skipping forward and introducing himself to Tim, “Hello, I’m Jonny d’Ville, nice to meet you.”

“I’m Gunpowder Tim.” Tim shook his hand, “What happened to your face.

“Some assholes.” Bertie answered for Jonny.

“Apparently people don’t like it when you tell them they’re stupid for enlisting and buying into propaganda and me helping in creating said propaganda.” Jonny told him.

Bertie pushed him down on the floor and got out his first aid kit as he started to clean Jonnys face while he said: “Phrasing it like that doesn’t make you sound sympathetic just like an asshole.”

“I am an asshole.” Jonny pointed out.

“Where did you find this kid?” Tim asked, and Bertie could see how much he was loving this.

“Getting beat up for being the one who sang that recruiter song that terrorized the radio for weeks, remember that one?” Bertie answered as he dabbed Jonny face with disinfectant.

“I’m not a kid.” Jonny interjected, “I am very old, but I feel like you won’t believe me when I tell you this, which is honestly quite rude.”

“And why’s that, baby-face?” Tim asked.

Jonny pouted, which did nothing to built his case, just made him look adorable, as he said: “I’m immortal, I’ve been alive for centuries and I’ve died about three times so far in this war, which honestly isn’t a lot, but I’m aiming for that, because I have a bet going with Ashes about it for when I get back to Aurora.”

“Those were a lot of words mate, but don’t expect me to make sense of them.” Tim informed him, “Can you play cards and drink?”

“Yeah, of course.” Jonny answered with a grin.

“Then I don’t care, here have a glass.” he grinned back and handed Jonny some booze.

Bertie rolled his eyes at Tim and said: “You, good sir, are a bad influence.”

“What can I say, Jonny here doesn’t look like he needs one to be fun, unlike you Bertie. Come on drink a bit, I stole a card pack and I modified my gun, let loose, have a little fun.” Tim slung an arm around Bertie and gave him his best puppy eyes.

“Okay, fine.” Bertie sighed, putting a band-aid over Jonnys nose, the final touch to his handy work, “It’s not like I can escape you.”

Tim cheered, while Jonny started to shuffle the cards. In the back of his mind, Bertie couldn’t help, but feel like he’d made a mistake with introducing the two, but he loved seeing Tim smile and this Jonny kid did just that.

[coffeebased]

I won’t be the first or last person to marvel at how quickly February whizzed past, especially in comparison to January’s gauntlet. To be completely fair to February, it had the ongoing COVID-19 international epidemic, as well as the ABS-CBN shutdown crisis, the anti-terrorism bill, the reminder that historical revisionism re: the Marcos dictatorship is alive and well… and those were just the actual headlines.

I must digress before I spiral.

I read 12 books in February, half of which were newly released in this month. I’ve split my post up into three parts like I did last month: one-shots, parts of series, and re-reads. It seems to be working well for me.

  Prosper’s Demon by K.J. Parker

The unnamed and morally questionable narrator is an exorcist with great follow-through and few doubts. His methods aren’t delicate but they’re undeniably effective: he’ll get the demon out—he just doesn’t particularly care what happens to the person.

Prosper of Schanz is a man of science, determined to raise the world’s first philosopher-king, reared according to the purest principles. Too bad he’s demonically possessed.

After I read Sixteen Ways to Defend a Walled City last year, I knew that I wanted more by Parker. I considered delving into his back catalog, which I still will probably do, but I saw that he was releasing a new book in Feb 2020, so I jumped on that first. Prosper’s is exactly up my alley, what with the discussions of morality and the greater good with demons, and quite a bit of engineering. I’d admired the voice of the main character in Sixteen because he was dry and very caught up in doing what needed to be done, and the main character has the same appealing values. It’s a short read, but it sticks in the teeth and fills the belly.

  Paladin’s Grace by T. Kingfisher

Stephen’s god died on the longest day of the year…

Three years later, Stephen is a broken paladin, living only for the chance to be useful before he dies. But all that changes when he encounters a fugitive named Grace in an alley and witnesses an assassination attempt gone wrong. Now the pair must navigate a web of treachery, beset on all sides by spies and poisoners, while a cryptic killer stalks one step behind…

Kingfisher, also known as Ursula Vernon, tends to write capable and damaged characters falling in with each other and foiling plots. She also tends to write paladins very well, which is a personal delight. I always enjoy a Kingfisher story, because the characters do the sensible thing more often than not, and she deals with trauma very compassionately, from what I suspect is a personal viewpoint. Her books are also usually very funny, very disturbing, and no-nonsense, scratching that Terry Pratchett Witch itch when I miss him very much. Grace is along the same lines, with a good solid HEA that leaves everyone, including the reader, satisfied.

  Kindred, a Graphic Novel Adaptation by Octavia Butler, adapted by Damian Duffy and illustrated by John Jennings

I lost an arm on my last trip home.

Home is a new house with a loving husband in 1970s California that suddenly transformed in to the frightening world of the antebellum South.

Dana, a young black writer, can’t explain how she is transported across time and space to a plantation in Maryland. But she does quickly understand why: to deal with the troubles of Rufus, a conflicted white slaveholder–and her progenitor.

Her survival, her very existence, depends on it.

This searing graphic-novel adaptation of Octavia E. Butler’s science fiction classic is a powerfully moving, unflinching look at the violent disturbing effects of slavery on the people it chained together, both black and white–and made kindred in the deepest sense of the word.

Kindred, the novel, is on my Next 20s list. I had meant to read it before I read the GN, but picked up the graphic novel based on a friend’s recommendation. The graphic novel is searingly painful, and I enjoyed reading it, but there are parts of it that feel slightly disjointed. I’m not sure if it’s because of the time travel, or if it’s an adaptation problem. It made me want to read the novel immediately, which is what I am reading right now. I don’t think that I’ll be able to properly synthesise my thoughts about this book until I’ve read the original.

    Mirror: The Mountain and The Nest by Emma Rios and Hwei Lim

A mysterious asteroid hosts a collection of strange creatures – man-animal hybrids, mythological creatures made flesh, guardian spirits, cursed shadows – and the humans who brought them to life. But this strange society exists in an uneasy truce, in the aftermath of uprisings seeking freedom and acceptance, that have only ended in tragedy. As the ambitious, the desperate and the hopeful inhabitants of the asteroid struggle to decide their shared fate, a force greater than either animal or human seems to be silently watching the conflict, waiting for either side to finally answer the question: what is worthy of being human?

Recommended to me by a new friend who’d heard I was into sci-fi and graphic novels, who absolutely hit the nail on the head with this rec. The art is beautiful, dreamy, and layered, and it keeps you tied to the story as the authors build what is a magnificent construction in your head. The authors do some really lovely things with timeskips that I have no idea how to talk about without spoiling anything, and I only regret that we weren’t able to linger through the second volume. I’m don’t know why there isn’t more of Mirror, but I do appreciate how they tied everything up as well as they could in two volumes. Looking forward to more like this in the future.

  Heartstopper: Volume Three by Alice Oseman

In this volume we’ll see the Heartstopper gang go on a school trip to Paris! Not only are Nick and Charlie navigating a new city, but also telling more people about their relationship AND learning more about the challenges each other are facing in private…

Meanwhile Tao and Elle will face their feelings for each other, Tara and Darcy share more about their relationship origin story, and the teachers supervising the trip seem… rather close…?

You can read all of Heartstopper and its future updates here. Heartstopper is a lovely slice of life comic, PG13 at best, that really takes me back to my own mid-teens. The story is centered around the developing relationship of two young boys, Charlie and Nick, and it really deals with it respectfully. It tackles a lot of teen issues without being too preachy about it, which is probably the least inspiring thing I could have written about it, and integrates it deftly into the story. The art style is adorable and really complements the sweet story. This volume, just released this month, revolves around a class trip to Paris, and there are some shenanigans that you’ll have to read for yourself.

  Sixty Six Book 2 by Russell Molina and Mikey Marchan

Kuwento ni Celestino Cabal. Kabebertdey niya lang. Mayroon siyang natanggap na regalo na ngayo’y unti-unti niyang binubuksan. Ika nga ng matatanda, “Huli man daw at magaling, maihahabol din.”

The story of Celestino Cabal. His birthday has just passed. He received a gift that he now gets to open, bit by bit. As the old saying goes, “Better late than never.”

This is the synopsis of the first book. There isn’t an official synopsis for the second book online, and I hesitate to write my own. Sixty Six Book 2 was released during February Komiket, and since I had been waiting for it for a few years, I had to go to the event even though everyone’s been iffy about going into crowded spaces due to COVID-19. I was excited to read this but unfortunately, I don’t think it capitalised on the foundation set in Book 1. The artist was different, and I admired their work on a technical level, as well as their humorous use of WASAK as a sound effect. I don’t know if there’ll be a third book, but the author has made themselves a little leeway for that possibility at the end of this volume.

  Thank You, Jeeves, Jeeves #5 by P.G. Wodehouse

The odds are stacked against Chuffy when he falls head over heels for American heiress Pauline Stoker. Who better to help him win her over but Jeeves, the perfect gentleman’s gentleman. But when Bertie, Pauline’s ex-fiance finds himself caught up in the fray, much to his consternation, even Jeeves struggles to get Chuffy his fairy-tale ending.

This book was in my next 20s! So I’m accomplishing one of my 2020 reading goals, yay! But hot damn there is some racist language in this book. Every time I was finally sinking into the story boom! Racist language! And I know that it was because of the time it was published, like I know that academically, but oof. That aside, the story is solid. It’s a comedy of manners AND errors with Jeeves ex machina, as per usual, but this is the first full Jeeves novel I’ve read, the rest were short story collections, and it was good to see the characters take more space. It certainly made the comedic payoff a lot stronger.

But oof.

  Die Vol. 2: Split the Party by Kieron Gillen, Stephanie Hans, and Clayton Cowles

No one can escape DIE until everyone agrees to go home. Or rather, no one can escape DIE until everyone who is alive agrees to go home. The second arc of the commercial and critical hit of bleakly romantic fantasy fiction starts to reveal the secrets of the world, and our heroes’ pasts. Yes, they can’t escape DIE. They also can’t escape themselves. Collects issues #6-10 of DIE

CHARACTERISATION. There’s a lot more breathing space in this newly-released volume of Die and I live for that! The first volume was a lot of the characters running from one place to the next and we, as readers, were being given the sense of setting. But volume two, you can feel Gillen just finally branching out and hitting us with their joined histories. I want to see more of how these older players will be dealing with the actions of their teenage selves, and I think the third volume will really show what the comic’s capable of. I’m really looking forward to that.

  False Value, Rivers of London #8 by Ben Aaronovitch

Peter Grant is facing fatherhood, and an uncertain future, with equal amounts of panic and enthusiasm. Rather than sit around, he takes a job with émigré Silicon Valley tech genius Terrence Skinner’s brand new London start up – the Serious Cybernetics Company.

Drawn into the orbit of Old Street’s famous ‘silicon roundabout’, Peter must learn how to blend in with people who are both civilians and geekier than he is. Compared to his last job, Peter thinks it should be a doddle. But magic is not finished with Mama Grant’s favourite son.

Because Terrence Skinner has a secret hidden in the bowels of the SCC. A technology that stretches back to Ada Lovelace and Charles Babbage, and forward to the future of artificial intelligence. A secret that is just as magical as it technological – and just as dangerous.

The last Rivers of London book finished the first major arc of the series. It was a succession of explosions contained in a novel. So I was wondering what kind of tone Aaronovitch would be setting with False Value. Would it be all action, immediately? A filler story? I just wanted more Peter Grant. It could literally be an entire novel of Peter going to America to visit the Smithsonian museums and I would be on that.

False Value is a slow story but does a lot of table setting for the next arc. While the case of the book feels very small and contained, you can see that they’re being pulled into the larger world of magic. I did have a hard time with the first few chapters, but I’m not sure if this is a problem of the book, or because I sailed straight into it after the Jeeves book I had been reading.

I finished the book too quickly and now I have to wait for the next one. Bother.

    The Thief, The Queen’s Thief #1 by Megan Whalen Turner

The king’s scholar, the magus, believes he knows the site of an ancient treasure. To attain it for his king, he needs a skillful thief, and he selects Gen from the king’s prison. The magus is interested only in the thief’s abilities.

What Gen is interested in is anyone’s guess. Their journey toward the treasure is both dangerous and difficult, lightened only imperceptibly by the tales they tell of the old gods and goddesses.

It’s March now, so my friends and I are starting on the second book in our read-along of The Queen’s Thief. I wrote last month that I was worried about how my friends would take the series, but really I needn’t have thought about it at all. The book stands well on its own, and my friends all got into the story. I hesitate to say that they loved it because there are four more books in the series, but they were definitely into it. Some of them had a hard time sticking to the two chapters a day schedule because Turner’s prose really just pulls you in.

I still love Gen, and I’m excited to relive his character growth.

  The Farthest Shore, The Earthsea Cycle #3

Darkness threatens to overtake Earthsea. As the world and its wizards are losing their magic, Ged — powerful Archmage, wizard, and dragonlord — embarks on a sailing journey with highborn young prince, Arren. They travel far beyond the realm of death to discover the cause of these evil disturbances and to restore magic to a land desperately thirsty for it.

I’m reading Tehanu, the last book of the Cycle, now, and I’m scared of ending the series. It’s given me so much joy and peace these past few months. I slipped right into it after finishing The Farthest Shore, remembering that they overlap slightly, and that’s done a lot to soften the blow of the third book. Re-reading Farthest at this age, when things have been losing their colour and flavour, where I have to fight harder to keep myself honest and keep myself ‘good’, hits differently. I’ve been recovering, and the bitterness that Ged has over the loss of his mastery is too real to me. Of course, it’s a good book, but it hurts.

—

All right, that’s it for now. I’ll probably be popping in to post a little about Komiket and some other things I’ve been reading next week or so, so please keep a weather eye out for that next post!

February Reading Round-Up I won't be the first or last person to marvel at how quickly February whizzed past, especially in comparison to January's gauntlet.

[colpapabear]

👉

Send 👉 for an ‘after scene’ of one of our finished threads

the one where they danced

Humming a melody to himself, Rob unbuttoned his shirt, folded it neatly and put it to the side. It was swapped for his pyjama top. The bottoms soon followed. The was a faint smile on his lips as he padded into the bathroom to brush his teeth and get ready for bed. The few drinks in his belly warmed him nicely, that had to be it, why he felt so light, so content. 

When he returned to his bedroom the same melody was still on his lips, the one that didn’t seem to want to leave him alone. It was accompanied by the memory of swaying to the music with Albert in his arms, the other’s soft smile, his  accent, even his stutter which was in Rob’s eyes turning more and more adorable. 

Oh, he had a big problem, Rob thought as he slipped beneath the covers of his bed. He wasn’t a fool, he knew he was beginning to fall for Bertie. Sure, his chances were slim but after that dance and testing conversation this evening... perhaps they weren’t so slim after all. 

It was something he could worry about tomorrow, he thought as he snuggled up and closed his eyes. Tomorrow he could worry about wether or not he would try to push his luck with Bertie, if it was worth it. For now, he was sleepy and would indulge in just replaying the memory of dancing with Albert in his head over and over again until he fell asleep to undoubtedly sweet dreams.

[lupinscorner]

we belong together pt. 3 (teddy lupin)

pairing: teddy lupin x reader

request: “another could be they stay at Teddy’s house for the first time as a couple during the summer. Maybe they could have a sass battle bc we all now Remus is a sassy cinnamon roll”

original request (part 1): “could you a teddy lupin x reader were marauders AND LILLY AND TONKS are alive and teddy and the reader are best friends and she’s like a mini version of James AND Sirius and they are walking through the hallways and boys flirt w/ the readers so teddy gets PROTECTIVE and the reader puts him aside and doesn’t really that the marauders and moms are RIGHT THERE and the reader asks teddy we he’s so jealous and he FLIPS and tells the reader he loves her and they become a couple. super fluffy”

takes place: teddy’s seventh year

part 1

part 2

part 4

part 5

a/n: so I know that the request was for over the summer, but I didn’t feel that it fit in with the timeline of the imagines well, so I just changed it to spring break. Also, I wasn’t quite sure how to orchestrate a ‘sass battle’ but I tried my best, so hopefully it wasn’t shit. Enjoy!

The train compartment was littered with sweets wrappers. Chocoloate frogs cards had tucked their way into the space between the leather set cushions, and an Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans carton on the floor.

The train ride had mostly consisted of you and Teddy goofing off in your compartment together, which, luckily enough, you two had been able to find without having to share it with a random student you barely knew. Halfway through, you remembered groggily falling asleep on Tedd’s shoulder, and you had just woken up. 

Teddy looked down at you, and began to speak.

“We’re almost here, love. Just about to arrive at the station.”

Attempting to put your thoughts in order, it took you a few seconds to fully awaken and realize where you were and where you were heading. 

“Right, right, I’m staying with you for break,” you said tiredly, stretching your arms out and yawning. Teddy grinned.

“Yep. First time as a couple. ”

You started to pick up the stray wrappers on the floor, collecting them into a pile on the seat beside you.“But I’ve been to your house for break plenty of times before.”

“Anyway, I still think it’s fun. Though it sucks that the break is only five days long.” Teddy picked up the Every Flavour Beans carton, flattening it out into a rectangle before placing in the pile you had created. “Besides, my parents might have to tell us not to do any ‘fooling around’.”

You stifled a laugh as Teddy gave you a confident wink. “You're such a dork.”

From the window, you saw the flashes of greens and blues turn to the grey of concrete and slow, allowing you to make out King’s Cross Station. Finally, the train came to a halt, and the sound of compartment doors opening filled your ears.

“Guess that’s our queue to go,” you said, standing up and grabbing your bags with one hand. Teddy nodded, taking his own backs and following you down the narrow hallway of the train.

Outside, you saw Remus and Tonks, waiting of you and Teddy. You and Teddy headed towards them, waving.

“Hey, its to good to see you guys!” Teddy greeted, giving both of his parents a hug. Feeling a little awkward you stood to the side, but then you were engulfed in a hug from both of your boyfriend’s parents.

“And y/n! Oh its so good to see you again! I’m so happy you could stay with us,” Tonks gushed. 

You smiled gratefully, hugging them tightly. “Its so good to see you too!”

“Well, we should head back to the house, then. Teddy, y/n, you both passed your apparition tests, though I’m not quite sure how Teddy did it,” Remus said cheekily, raising an eyebrow at his son who just smiled triumphantly. “We’ll just apparate back to our house, alright?”

You nodded. And with a pop! you were there. 

After being shown to the guest room, you and Teddy plopped down on his bed together, laying with your head in the crook of his neck and his arm casually around your side. 

Tonks opened the door, glancing in. “Now that you two are a couple, the door stays open. You hear me?” You nodded and laughed, partially out of embarrassment. 

You turned to Teddy, who was smirking. 

“I told you so.” You just, shook your head while laughing and kissed him lightly. Looking at your watch, you attempted to stand up, but found Teddy’s arms keeping you in.

“Listen, it’s been a long day for the both of us, and its already ten. I’m just gonna change into my pajamas, and then I’ll come back, alright?” You consoled, finally standing up.

Teddy crossed his arms, disappointed. “Fine.” You just chuckled.

After chaning into your pajamas, brushing your teeth, and doing everything you needed to do to get ready for bet (and after a lot convincing to get Teddy to do the same), you finally were ready for bed. But, knowing your boyfirend, he obviously made you stay and lay with him. He stroked your hair lightly as you fell asleep in his arms. 

---

Putting another spoonful of cereal in your mouth, you admired the quaintness of Teddy’s family. Everyone was seated at an adorable table, in a rustically decorated house that for sure was done by Remus, but whose walls were adorned with quidditch posters and bright paintings, most likely the work of Tonks. 

“Oh, hey dad, can y/n and I got to George’s joke shop today?” Teddy asked, taking a sip from his water.

Remus considered. “I don't know, didn’t you say that you and y/n both have a couple of tests to study for over break?”

“Well maybe, but I’ll study for them later. I promise I’ll get a good grade.”

“Sure, Ted,” Remus said, chuckling.

“Okay, okay, so maybe in the past I haven’t gotten great marks, but this time-”

“Remember when you said that last test? And then you got a Troll,” Remus sassed, stirring his tea nonchalantly. You couldn’t help but laugh at the father-son relationship, and the entire nature of the whole conversation. 

Teddy got out his puppy dog eyes. “You wouldn’t want to take away a fun experience from y/n, would you?”

You cut in. “You know, I’ve really been to the joke shop multiple times-”

“Shh, darling, I’m taking care of it.” You rolled your eyes and giggled at your boyfriends silly nature. 

“Alright, alright you can go, but I better be seeing a passing grade on your test.”

“Yes!” Teddy exclaimed, pumping his fist in the air.  “Y/n, we gotta go get ready!” And with that, Teddy had grabbed your arm, pulling you up the stairs. 

---

After a fun visit to the joke shop, where you got a personal discount from George (who was one of your favorite people in the whole world) on a couple pranking products, you and Teddy were cuddling on his bed. He was playing with his wand, using a simple charm to lift a quill threw the air.

“So, umm, hey Teddy?” You asked, nervously.

He looked at you, confused. “What’s wrong, babe?”

You tried to find the words to explain. “Well, I sort of got this offer to do this internship at Illvermony. You know how I really want to be a professor? It would be for the rest of the school year, and half of the summer. And...I think I might take it.” 

“What?”

masterlist

[queenofcats17]

The last story was SO amazing, I just had to think of another one! But please take your time, there’s no rush! Could you write a story where after Joey got angry, he decides to go pay Bertram a ‘visit’ and just taunts him, while Henry is still missing Bendy and Linda and is trying (although tiredly) to think of how to escape, and Murray is trying to talk Henry out of it because of how scary Joey was the last time? Sorry if this idea isn’t very good. You don’t have to write this, it’s fine!

Sorry this took so long

Joey was in an extraordinarily bad mood. Not only was Henry still trying to break free, but he had also mentioned her name! He needed to find some way to make himself feel better. He needed to go intimidate someone. So he left Henry with Murray and went to the lower levels. He knew exactly who he needed to talk to. He headed down to Bendy Hell and waltzed into ride storage. 

“Bertie~” He said in a sing-song voice. “Have you missed me?”

“Drew.” The voice that came from the ride dripped with disdain and hatred. The ride sprung to life, the cars slamming down all around Joey, trying to squash the studio head. Joey easily dodged each attempt, humming to himself.

“Now now, Bertie. That’s not very nice.” Joey snickered. The doors in the middle of the ride opened, revealing the disembodied head of Bertram Piedmont. Joey tried to stifle his laughter. Bertram was so overdramatic. Bertrum’s body had long since turned to ink. He didn’t even have a head anymore.

“You deserve to die!” Bertram roared, continuing to slam the cars into the floor. “You deserve to suffer for all you’ve done to us!”

“You wouldn’t want to hurt your dear Lacie, would you?” Joey asked. A Searcher rose from the floor, right under one of Bertram’s cars. Immediately, Bertram assault halted. Unlike Henry, most of the Searchers didn’t have any defining characteristics. But Bertram could still tell it was Lacie. He could always tell. 

“What do you want?” He asked, gently lowering his cars to the ground. Lacie moved soundlessly away from the cars to stand behind Joey.

“Oh, nothing.” Joey smiled innocently. “I just wanted to see how you were doing. It’s been so long since we talked, after all.”

“So you came here to taunt me.” Bertram’s lip curled in disgust. 

“That makes it sound so cruel.” Joey put on a hurt expression, wiping away a fake tear before devolving into harsh giggles. Bertram gritted his teeth, staring down at Joey. 

“Lacie’s much happier like this, you know.” Joey patted her head. “She’s a part of one big family. But she does miss you terribly.” He looked back up at Bertram, looking adorable and distraught. “Wouldn’t you like to be together with her again? Wouldn’t you like to be a part of a family?”

“Whatever you’ve created, I’m quite sure it’s not a family,” Bertram replied coolly. “You’re simply a child playing with your toys. Nothing more.” 

“Oh really?” Joey raised an eyebrow. “Just a child, hm? Could a child do this?” He turned to Lacie, putting a hand on her head. Almost instantly, she began to scream, her form changing to resemble an inkier version of the one she’d had as a human. 

“Stop it! Leave her alone!” Bertram yelled. Joey just smiled at him, his grip on Lacie’s head tightening. It was a terrifying expression, gleeful and malicious. 

“Stop!” Bertram begged, on the verge of tears. “Stop hurting her! Please! I’ll do anything you want!”

“Apologize,” Joey said, his smile widening. “Say you were wrong and that you’re jealous of me.”

“That’s ridiculous!”

“Say it.” Joey tightened his grip on Lacie’s head, making her scream louder. 

“I’ll say it! I’ll say it!” Bertram stammered. “I-I was wrong. I apologize. I was simply…jealous of you.” It was absolute torture to say such things. But he couldn’t let Joey keep torturing Lacie. She’d done nothing wrong. Joey let go, and Lacie returned to her formless Searcher shape.

“There. Now doesn’t that feel better?” He cooed. Bertram didn’t reply, closing the doors on the central tower. He didn’t want to look at Joey. He didn’t want to look at Lacie. He wanted to be alone. Satisfied, Joey departed. He felt so much better now. Inside his ride, Bertram started to cry.

“Mr. Piedmont?” He started at the sound of Bendy’s voice. 

“What is it, boy?” He tried to sound indignant and annoyed, as he always did when the little demon arrived. He always looked forward to Bendy’s visits, much as he liked to deny it. Bendy was a very sweet child. Bertram had always had a soft spot for children. One of his greatest joys had been seeing children enjoying the wonders he’d created. 

“I, um, I was just wondering if you’d let me ride in your cars again,” Bendy said. “It’s been…kinda a rough few days.” 

“Well, if you must.” Bertram opened his doors once more, letting down a car and allowing Bendy to get in. 

“Thank you, Mr. Piedmont!” Bendy smiled at him. 

“You’re welcome.” Bertram smiled softly, watching as Bendy spun round and round. The boy really did deserve better. He hoped someday someone would be able to get the little demon out. He deserved to see the world.

.

Meanwhile, Henry was still in Murray’s care. With Joey gone, he’d managed to regain his mind once again. Which meant he was answering a lot of questions from Murray. 

“Who was Linda?” The scientist asked curiously. 

“She was my wife,” Henry answered, staring down at the floor. “She…died in a car crash a few years before I came back here the first time.” Instinctively, he reached down to twist the ring on his finger, only to remember he’d given it Annette for safe-keeping. He hadn’t wanted Joey to take that away from him too.

“Oh…I’m…I’m sorry.” Murray drew back a bit. Henry didn’t say anything, continuing to stare at the floor. 

“I would have thought I’d miss her less by now.” He murmured. “It’s been years. But…it still hurts.” He smiled softly. “She would have loved Bendy. She always loved hearing me talk about him and Boris.”

“Loss can be difficult,” Murray said. 

“She’s why I can’t let Bendy stay here.” Henry looked up, his eye glowing with a burning light. “I couldn’t save Linda, but I’m going to save him. He’s my son and I’m not going to let Joey hurt him. We’re getting out together.”

“That’s really not a good idea.” Murray began to fidget a bit at the memory of Joey’s fury. “Eventually, Joey’s going to lose his patience and he might do something terrible to you and Bendy.”

“Then I’ll have to make sure I don’t get caught when I finally do get out,” Henry replied as though it was the simplest thing in the world. Murray stared at him, screaming internally. He could kind of understand how Henry and Joey had been friends. They were both such stubborn people. 

“I don’t think you understand just how dire this situation is, Mr. Williams.” He tried to continue smiling. 

“I completely understand.” Henry looked the slightest bit peeved. “That’s why I’ll be careful the next time I try.” For a moment, Murray desperately hoped Henry was joking. But he could quickly tell Henry was dead serious. His internal screaming got louder. Oh yes, he could definitely see how Henry and Joey had been friends. 

“Well…Best of luck to you, I suppose.” Murray squeaked. He clearly wasn’t going to sway Henry. All he could do was brace for the disaster that would come. 

[tcmpcsts-blog]

❝ I am learning to sharpen my teeth and rule kingdoms, instead. ❞ ADONIS BOSSO? No, that’s actually EMETITIRI BURKE. A SEVENTH YEAR student, this RAVENCLAW student is sided with THE DEATH EATERS. HE identifies as a CIS MAN and is a PUREBLOOD who is known to be ENTITLED, SCHEMING, and PRETENTIOUS but also LOYAL, PASSIONATE, and OBSERVANT. { RAVEN, 20, AEST, SHE/HER }

STATS

GENERAL

Full Name: Emetitiri Maduka Burke. Nickname(s): Emet by almost everyone, Tiri by his family. Age: Eighteen. Gender & Pronouns: Cisgender man & he/him. Place of birth: Burke Manor, somewhere in Southern England. Birthday: 27th July, 2005. Currently living: Hogwarts most of the year / Burke Manor the rest of the year. Species: Human / Wizard. Ethnicity: Nigerian. Occupation: Hogwarts student. Orientation: Bisexual. Social status: Upper class. Relationship status: Taken / in a relationship with Odilia Travers.

APPEARANCE

Body Build: Mesomorph. Height: 6'2". Hairstyle: Very short, though in the summers he grows it out slightly. Hair Colour: Dark brown. Eye Colour: Dark brown. Distinguishing Features: Cheekbones. Preferred Clothing: Emet has grown up swathed in traditional masculine style. He has always dressed in a similar way to all of the male members of his family, especially his father, but he also inevitably ramps it up slightly ; a dark suit is highlighted slightly by a family brooch, his shoes are adorned with bronze laces instead of black ones, and so forth. Accessories: Nothing consistent, but he frequently wears family heirlooms. It is no surprise to see him sporting something as gaudy as it is historical, such as engraved brooches, massive rings and loose lockets.

EDUCATION

School: Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. House: Ravenclaw. ( Though he could have as easily been in Slytherin or Gryffindor. ) Best Core Class: Charms. Worst Core Class: Astronomy. Electives: Arithmancy, Study of Ancient Runes, Apparition. Prefect: Yes, since his fifth year. Quidditch: N/A ( Is a very poor flyer. ) EXTRA-CURRICULAR(S): Ancient Runes. O.W.L. Grades: Ancient Runes (O), Arithmancy (O), Astronomy (E), Charms (O), Defense Against the Dark Arts (E),  Herbology (E), History of Magic (E), Potions (E) Transfiguration (O), Study of Ancient Runes (O)  N.E.W.T. Grades: To be determined.

MAGIC

Wand: Alder wood with a Thunderbird tail feather core, 11" and rigid flexibility. Pets: Inherited a female owl from his father, a black eagle breed, called Ala ( named after a female Igbo goddess ) Boggart: TW: PARENTAL / FAMILIAL DEATH His family being killed by Death Eaters. ( The only way to get rid of it is to either kill the remaining family member or the Death Eater, we love choices! ) END OF TW Animagus/Patronus: Corporeal / Black swan. Amortentia: Bronze, silk and peppermint-flavored Bertie Bott’s beans.

PERSONALITY

49 Archetypes: The Ringleader ( Persuasive / Daring / Passionate ). Alignment: Chaotic neutral. Enneagram: Type 3, The Achiever. MBTI: ENFP, The Champion. Soul Type: Performer. Zodiac: Leo Sun, Aries Moon & Aquarius Rising.

QUICK FACTS

member of the burke family, child of two neutral blood-elitists who supported the death eaters in the last war but never actually fought for them, so they’re not a top-tier pureblood family which emet is insecure about

is actually Incredibly Loyal towards his close ones, he’d die for his family without hesitation even if they were sympathetic towards muggles / muggleborns and didn’t believe in the death eater cause

going out with the iconic odilia travers written by the equally iconic mel who he is a Very Loud boyfriend to but they’re adorable and you can’t change my mind about it, they started going out early sixth year, got initiaited into the death eaters together & are growing more and more iconic as the days go on

has a close circle of friends, including piran nott & ria selwyn! they’re super obnoxious & probably annoy the shit out of everybody else but what did you expect lmao

is seventh-year prefect for ravenclaw, super salty that he wasn’t chosen as head boy as he thought he was the perfect candidate! other extracurriculars include dueling club, which he’s very Defensive & Loud at, as well as wizard’s chess where he attempts to keep up his ravenclaw image

speaking of image, he’s a very image-aware person ; he loves his friends, girlfriend & family and would love & spend time with them regardless, but when it comes to new people coming into his life, he is very 👀 about reputations & how their relationship would be perceived

super skilled at charms, persuasion, defensive spells, transfiguration, confidence, etc / super weak at offensive charms, potions, anything involving being Too Subtle & probably not the guy you’d want at all different types of operations

desperately trying to impress whatever death eater connections he has with connections / resources & enthusiasm! 

TW PREJUDICE when it comes to death eaters & blood purity, emet’s main force for buying into it is ( unsurprisingly ) ignorance & insecurity ; he wants so desperately to feel extraordinary, to feel more than what he is & represents. the fading glory of pureblood society is something he cannot personally stomach because he feels as though he Deserves something far grander & more prominent, as does his family & friends, despite ignoring all of the social ramifications of these actions END OF TW

PINTEREST | ABOUT PAGE | CONNECTIONS ( all tbd )

[crystaiskiess]

Pure As Mud : Chapter 5

Previous Chapter

Chapter Masterpost

Summary: Dan Howell is muggleborn, Phil Lester is a pure blood. Phil dreams of Slytherin, Dan's just happy to be a wizard. When conflict arises the boys are broken apart, only to come back together as prefects years later. Can they repair the bond their younger selves broke?

Author Notes: Here's the next chapter! Hope you enjoy it! I update every Saturday!

AO3 Link

“It was nothing really.” Dan waved Sam off. “He called you handsome." “In passing” Dan pointed out. “Still did it” Sam shrugged. Dan sighed heavily, “I know ok! But I don’t want to get my hopes up!” The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. Sam nodded, “Called it.” “I actually hate you.” Sam shook his head, green eyes bright with mischief, “No you don’t, you love me. You also love Phil let’s be real.”

If Dan had something he would have thrown it at Sam by now. “Love is a very strong word.” Dan murmured and Sam’s smirk moulded into a small smile. “It is Dan, and we both know that you are in love with Phil Lester.” Dan wished he didn’t agree so whole heartedly.

Phil was waiting outside the hospital wing when Dan and Sam exited the classroom. “Oh! Dan. I was-” Phil coughed awkwardly, “How are you feeling?” Dan laughed softly at his friend’s nervousness, “I’m fine. Trust me.” Sam nodded, “He’s just as annoying as ever.” “Oi!” Dan turned and shoved him. Sam laughed as he received a hearty shove in the side. “Meet you back at the common room?” He asked with a sly grin. That fox, he was leaving him with Phil on purpose.

Phil smiled that bright joyful smile that made Dan feel like he had been hugged and stabbed at the same time and gestured to follow him. “Come on! We’ll talk outside!” Phil laughed as he ran down the corridors. Dan followed suit, begging the universe to make Phil stop running, he hated any sort of exercise. Luckily the universe obeyed however Dan was too busy praying to it to notice Phil stop and he slammed into him chest first. They both went toppling over.

Phil burst into a fit of laughter, too distracted by the situation to care about covering his mouth. As if Dan wasn’t already fucked, Phil's laugh was as beautiful as a baby bird. Phil’s tongue poked between his teeth while his eyes crinkled shut. Dan was almost positive his heart would explode. He vowed that no matter what he had to do he would see that laugh again. “Are you ok,” Phil pulled him out of his thoughts with an offered hand and a wide smile. “Yeah I’m fine.” Dan laughed. They walked down the corridors and it was only when they exited the castle that Dan realised Phil had been staring at him the entire way. He was just worried about him right?

~-~-~

“Lana you are a devil in an angel’s body.” Phil narrowed his eyes at his practically spritely best friend. She shook her head with glee, “No I’m not. It’s simple,” She counted off the facts on her fingers, “I have way too much homework to deal with a Hogsmeade trip. So does Sam. Therefore you and Dan can go to Hogsmeade together.” She finished with jazz hands. “I swear you are doing this to spite me.” He rolled his eyes. “Maybe, maybe not you’ll never know.” She poked out her tongue happily. He sighed, “Has Dan agreed to this?” He asked. With a pause she shrugged, “Wouldn’t know to be honest. You’re asking him.” Phil groaned. “Devil.” he called out while walking away. “Angel!” She called back.

Dan took the news so much better than Phil, but that was probably because he wasn’t hopelessly in love. “Ok cool, where do you want to meet?” Phil felt his face flush red hot. “I- erm.” Dan raised an eyebrow, “What?” He asked. “I’ve never been to Hogsmeade before.” Phil admitted, ducking his head.

Dan’s jaw dropped open, “What the fuck?” He paused and counted on his fingers, “We’ve been allowed to go for three years and I the muggleborn have been before you?” Phil shrugged, “My parents never got around to it.” “Oh,” Dan’s face dropped, “I-I’m so sorry Phil I should have thought-” Phil waved him off, “No don’t worry about it. I just don’t know my way around so I probably can’t meet you places.” He laughed, but was imagining what it would be like to explore the beautiful town with Dan by his side. Maybe Lana was an angel after all.

“You definitely need to go to Honeydukes in that case.” Dan started listing all the places he would take Phil, but Phil wasn’t listening. He was imagining Dan showing him around Hogsmeade, drinking Butterbeer for the first time. He was imagining Dan’s eyes sparkling as they looked in the shops, his dimple as they laughed. “Are you listening?” Dan asked with a smirk. Phil looked up in shock, “Er no sorry.” Dan laughed, his dimple creasing his cheek. Forget the butterflies, Phil felt a whole damn zoo fill his stomach. “Too excited about spending an entire day with me?” Dan joked. Boy did he have no idea. “You wish Howell!” Phil answered shoving the other boy in the side. He tried not to imagine what would happen if he kissed Dan in the snow filled streets of Hogsmeade. He failed.

~-~-~

“Fuck. What the hell do I wear?” He threw the contents of his wardrobe onto his bed with impressive speed. Sam rolled his eyes but came over to help. “This one,” he picked up a black button up. Dan nodded taking the shirt, “Skinny jeans?” He asked nervously. Sam raised an eyebrow, “I literally have no idea what that means.” Dan rolled his eyes. “This is why I need muggleborn friends,” He said holding up a pair of black skinny jeans. Sam poked his tongue out but nodded, “Yeah wear those, show of that butt that you don’t have.” He joked before a pillow hit him square in the face. “It’s a friend day.” Dan shrugged pulling the shirt over his head. Sam shook his head, “Mmhmm and that’s why you’re so stressed about it.” “I’m stressed because Phil hasn’t seen me out of uniform since first year.” That earned a major eye roll. “I’m sure he’s stressing as well.” He doesn’t drown in the eyes of his friend so probably not.

Fuck, he’s wearing his glasses Fuck, he looks even better out of uniform Fuck, I’m fucked “Hey Dan!” Phil exclaimed as he bounded up to him. He was like an adorable puppy with beautiful eyes.

“You ready for your first ever Hogsmeade trip?” Dan asked with a grin. Phil nodded gleefully, his glasses slipping down on his nose. Dan leaned forward and pushed them up. Fuck that was weird. Phil didn’t seem to mind though. In fact he looked positively joyous. That was the excitement of Hogsmeade, it must be. “Well come on then,” Phil tugged at Dan’s arm. That little touch set Dan’s arm on fire.

Phil’s eyes sparkled when he was excited. It must be illegal to be that beautiful. Dan couldn’t stop looking at him. At one point Phil caught him staring and flushed, but he didn’t look away. They stood staring at each other. Brown on Blue. Blue on Brown.

“Where do you want to go first,” Dan coughed, pulling his eyes away. Phil looked around, his eyes slowing on Honeydukes, “Could we go to Honeydukes?” He pleaded. Dan nodded, how could he say no to those begging eyes. “Of course.” He smiled. They walked into the small candy shop bustling with students. “Wow,” Phil gasped.

The walls were lined with lollies and cakes of every size and shape. Bertie Botts, Sugar Quills, Chocolate Frogs, Pumpkin Pasties, Cauldron Cakes “I want it all.” Phil murmured and Dan burst out laughing. Phil stared at him a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “That was my first impression as well.” Dan admitted. Phil started to push his way through the crowd and Dan attempted to follow. Someone shoved Dan backwards. “Phil!” Dan called out and Phil turned around in shock. Seeing his friend attempting to follow Phil reached his arm out. Their hands collided and Dan held tight. They fit like two puzzle pieces and Dan felt his heart squeeze in shock as Phil squeezed his hand. Phil pulled him through the people. Their hands were linked together and Dan wasn’t sure he ever wanted to let go. Did he have to let go?

They reached a Bertie Botts stand past the crowd but Phil made no move to release his hand so Dan didn’t either. “I want some.” Phil grinned. “Of course you do you spork.” Dan laughed. Phil looked at him confused, “What’s a spork?” “It’s a utensil like a fork.” Dan laughed at his helpless friend. “Remind me never to introduce you to my family. You’ll make a fool of yourself.” Phil shrugged, “I’d like to meet your family one day.” “Fine. One day.” Dan laughed. He told himself he wasn’t wanting Phil to meet his family as his boyfriend one day. He lied to himself.

“You’ve never had Butterbeer before and you’re the pureblood?” Dan gasped. Phil rolled his eyes, “I hate that term. Pureblood. Makes me sound up myself.” “And you’re not?” Dan smirked. “Oi watch yourself Howell.” Phil laughed. Glasses nearly slipping entirely off his face as he looked down at his drink. Dan rolled his eyes and leaned forward to push them back, just as Phil looked up. Their noses brushed they were so close together. Dan felt everything freeze. Phil’s eyes were as blue as the sky, but up close he could see green as well. With specks of yellow. They didn’t retreat. There was centimetres of distance between their lips. Dan wondered what would happen if he closed the distance.

No. Dan pulled away, his cheeks flushed hot. Phil’s eyes flashed with what looked like disappointment. But Dan must have seen it wrong. He must have.

Next Chapter

[weepingstar]

A House of Vice

(just so you know i’ve started posting on ao3 so… there’s that) 

Credence was never allowed sugar or sweet foods when being brought up by Mary Lou, can distantly remember a time before his adoption where he’d stolen fresh doughnuts at Coney Island once, but other than that, his palette was a decidedly savoury one (if one can call gruel and weak soup savoury). Devoid of flavour entirely? Possible. But especially devoid of sugar, Credence sometimes wondered whether Mary Lou would take a stand against that too, accuse it of being devil’s work, or whether she already had and he wasn’t aware of it, had missed that particular leaflet.

Upon moving in with Mr. Graves (and thinking of just how quickly that happened makes Credence’s head spin), Credence quickly develops an unrepentant sweet tooth. Not by small measures either, but by bounding leaps, until Graves sternly tells Credence he can’t have sugary treats for every meal, as they’re precisely that, treats.

Nevertheless, Graves finds himself indulging his dear boy daily, somehow ends up walking home in order to stop at expensive French patisseries instead of apparating straight back. Visits a few wizarding sweet shops too if he can, as Credence had recently developed a particular love of liquorice snaps, and would munch on them happily in Graves’ study. Graves pretending to look over case files as he watched Credence’s delicate toes curl in pleasure.

When returning home, and upon opening the large door to his brownstone, Graves will give Credence his coat to hang, and then present him with whatever treat he’s been unable to resist buying today, and Credence blushes every time. Graves wonders if Credence’s inevitable cavities and tummy ache are worth it for the pleasure it gives him to see how prettily Credence flushes whenever he graciously receives his little gifts.

One evening Graves brings back cakes which turn Credence’s teeth gold from the icing, and Graves’ face red from laughing at the shock. Another evening, he finds British Chocolate Frogs which were a particular joy because Credence had to chase one around the living room, picking him up before he melted in front of the fire. Although Graves knows he had been the one to enforce the restriction of sweets, he is the one who buys them daily for his secret darling. His precious boy still hasn’t gotten over his aversion to the outside world, prefers to stay in unless he goes out on the arm of his Mr. Graves. It’s Graves who brings him Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans and has to suffer through a sardine flavoured one, trying his best to remain dignified in the face of such vile circumstances. Finding his Credence’s favourites become less like a game and just a way to make the boy smile everyday, although his smiles are much easier to come by now.

On a Friday, Graves will bring home Chocolate Cauldrons from the wizarding bakery near work, telling Credence they now know him by name, isn’t that terrible? Is Credence not repentant for what he makes Graves do? Tweaking the boy’s ear when he apologises quietly at the same time as trying to snatch away the package from Graves. In the mornings, it’s Graves who always orders Effie the house elf to make up Credence’s hot chocolate and take it up to him. On evenings when Graves knows he’ll be late home, he sends word to let Credence know, tells him there’s some Sugar Quills and two Cauldron Cakes in the sweets cupboard, and he can have those if he wishes to wait up for him. The boy always does, and he’s often asleep on Graves’ return, chocolate crumbs on the side table. Graves might indulge himself too, in carrying the boy upstairs to tuck into bed instead of simply shaking him awake, he supposes that’s his vice that he’s learning to live with just as Credence is suffering from his addiction to sugar mice.

Now, one thing that his terrible, clever, sneaky, wonderful Credence had done in order to get around his awfully strict rule of sweets as treats (and with the way Credence acted, Graves almost felt guilty for giving the boy such a resriction), is Credence begins to bake. Asks Graves one Saturday how they make pain au chocolat like the ones Graves buys (tells him how they’re the best, how Graves always buys such delicious pastries for him, how lucky he is). Graves, always eager to please his Credence, always indulgent, buys Credence a cookery book, finds him the ingredients and tells Effie to keep an eye on him, to call if something catches on fire.

Several unexpected pleasures come about from this, firstly, as Graves isn’t partial (more like completely averse to) baking, the only apron in the house is from an older female relative. Credence doesn’t seem to mind and drifts around with his frilly apron on, bow tied neatly at his little waist and scalloped edges looping elegantly around his neck. Graves needs a moment to collect himself, and then announces he’s decided to work in the kitchen this evening, to keep an eye on Credence, when Effie pipes up to say that was her job, she thought, Graves quickly dismisses her. Tells Credence to take his time, bake as much as he might like. Another certain pleasure is a little flour gets on Credence’s elegant nose, and a little stripe down his cheek. Graves makes sure he’s the one to brush it off, after the appropriate amount of time has passed, just after a few hours of fawning over his adorable Credence who bustles about the kitchen in a feminine apron and oblivious to the flour on his face. After that, Graves tells Credence to come closer, brushes his thumb over Credence’s face slowly, softly, watches the flush of embarrassment spread as he brushes off the flour.

Credence’s baking goes from small individual disasters to very quickly the neatest and sweetest little delights in all of New York. However, Graves is well aware Credence usually aims to make a baker’s dozen, and he once comes home to find only eight such treats, as well as an unfinished dinner from Credence, who, with shifty eyes, tells Graves he isn’t too hungry, sheepishly murmurs that he has a little stomach ache. Graves goes to the kitchen to retrieve his Exhibit A - a half eaten custard tart, Credence squirming in his seat, Graves asks Credence if this was why he couldn’t finish his dinner, tells Credence he won’t have his dear boy lying to him. Credence’s eyelashes sticking to one another as fat tears spring forth, Credence very much ashamed of his behaviour to his darling Mr. Graves, who has only ever been kind to him, looked after him, and he lied like an ungrateful brat about such a silly thing! Asks Mr. Graves if he could possibly forgive him while held tightly to Graves’ chest, the older man bending to the will of Credence as soon as the first tear dropped, nodding frantically and trying to get his sweet boy to stop crying, mind quickly considering a slice of tiramisu in the cold pantry

Later on, once the two of them retire to Graves’ study, Credence having apologised and now intent on staying close to Graves, Graves having accepted his apology and very much regretting bringing the issue up, also intent on keeping his Credence close. The two (partially oblivious) star cross’d lovers settle into reading for the evening and growing steadily closer on the couch while pretending to ignore that such a thing is occurring, even with Credence’s feet on Graves’ lap, being slowly rubbed by the older man.

Resigned to his fate, Graves invests in some enchanted toothpaste and asks Credence to please consider Graves’ elderly heart when he wants to skip on eating all of his greens. Credence nods soberly and swears to be good for Mr. Graves, taking the enchanted toothpaste in one hand, while clutching a few squares of Turkish delight in the other.

Graves thinks that as his Credence has given into his vices, perhaps he should too, asks Credence to stay up for him more often, carrying his boy to bed more times than not, even if he’s awake, awake and blushing at Graves’ attentions, quietly asking to be let down but not really meaning it. Lays a kiss on Credence’s brow and placing a sugar mouse on his bedside table for the morning.

[thelifeofkaiblog]

About My Pets: 7 Facts Each!

•*•*• 13th August 2017 •*•*•

((2:47am))

Honey

- He’s 12 years old

- He was a rescue kitten

- He follows you into the garden at night, if he wants you to feed him, but you have to find his (adoptive) brother first

- He likes to sit on your chest/shoulder, so you can’t see the TV

- He had gingivitis when he was younger, so I told Squish a couple of years ago and he thought I was joking because Honey is ginger :P

- He’s very lazy and loves to stay inside

- He sheds endlessly and it’s a nightmare

Poppet

- He’s 12 years old

- He was a rescue kitten

- He meows loudly when he wants to know where people are in the house and it’s adorable

- He is incredibly picky about attention, but tolerates extra from me because he’s learnt that the path of least resistance isn’t too bad ;)

- He will almost never sit next to you or get on your lap (my bed, at night, is the only somewhat common exception)

- Up until about two years ago, he spent most of his life outside, but he has arthritis and a heart murmur, so he stays inside more now

- He always looks grumpy/evil, but he has also had 3 of his 4 canine teeth removed, so his (rare) bites are actually cute

Bubba

- He’s 3 years old

- He loves meeting new people and dogs, but has a healthy mix of curiosity and fear when it comes to smaller animals (cats, hamsters, etc.)

- He is fairly “situation proof” in regards to elderly people, toddlers, children, dogs (even those who are wary of dogs), etc.

- He’s named after my late grandad’s middle name because he passed away a few months before we got Bubba and they would have loved each other

- He is addicted to food and used to steal toast from the toaster or food from people’s plates when they didn’t know he was lurking

- He is very gentle and sometimes gets spooked easily

- He has a lot of energy and adores going on walks, but runs away from his harness being put on

Fluff

- She is 2½ years old

- She’s a Russian Dwarf Hamster

- She’s always been friendly

- She shows signs of dementia (or similar) and has become territorial in her old age

- She loves dried mealworms, fresh fruit/veg, frozen peas and sunflower seeds

- Her nickname is “Dumpling” because she’s round and chunky :P

- Squish and I got her 3 months into our relationship, but she lives with me

Previous Pets:

Mickey - b&w cat, was my mum’s for a very long time before I was born and followed us when we went to my childminder’s house a few minutes walk from ours, but passed away when I was about 4 years old

Gerbils - “Patches, Wolfie and Beau”, grey and white, light brown and black (respectively), all rescues, loved destroying the tunnels I built for them, didn’t bite, but didn’t enjoy handling either

Pumpkin - Syrian hamster, brown, black and white, from the RSPCA, she was an adult who had given birth before we got her, she was an impulse rescue (by my mum) a week or so after my grandad passed away, she was an escape artist and skilled at climbing/swinging from the bars (despite being chubby), she passed away of old age a few months after Squish and I met (he’d been able to hold her a few times before)

Izzy - our first Russian Dwarf Hamster, we had her at the same time as the gerbils and Pumpkin, but she and the gerbils were no longer with us when we got Bubba or when I met Squish, she was gentle and it was with her that I learned how to teach RD hamsters how to use a specific toilet “house”

Bob & Bertie - goldfish we won at a fair, but we gave them to a reputable pet shop (a day or two later) when we realised they’d grow very big, which is why I don’t like them being used as prizes because most people don’t know they need huge tanks, not small ones