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decks-writing-blog · 6 months ago

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Whatever the Fuck Benrey is: Chapter Twenty-One: Pretty Neat, Huh?

Chapter One

Previous Chapter

If Gordon had had doubts about his sleep-deprived conclusion on his feelings for Benrey, they were dispelled upon waking up with him. Whilst asleep, they’d shifted into a more traditional spooning position, Benrey’s back pressed to his chest. Gordon could happily lay here forever with him. … Or maybe not forever. Waking up like this every day for the rest of his life sounded pretty good though.

No nightmares either. Or if he’d had one, he didn’t recall even the feel of it. Perhaps he’d just been too tired but Benrey’s presence had certainly helped because it always did. Probably cuddling anyone at night who was into it would’ve helped but it was Benrey who chose to, had suggested the idea in the first place. When or why he’d started caring enough to do so was still a mystery but it didn’t really matter, did it? He cared and Gordon loved him for that and for so many other things.

Which didn’t mean Benrey wasn’t an annoying bastard, trolling whenever possible when they played games together even if they were supposed to be on the same team. And Gordon had eventually found the cling-wrap over the basement door. It was probably only a matter of time before he pulled another prank. But he better knew Gordon’s limits now, putting them closer to being on the same page of what went too far. He hadn’t repeated anything like the falling bucket prank.

There was still the question of if he reciprocated. Even if what they had now was more than enough to make Gordon happy, the possibility of romance was still alluring. Theoretically he could tell Benrey how he felt and ask. Probably the wisest move but… what if that ruined what they had now? So he’d think about it more later, maybe ask someone or the internet for advice. Right now he didn’t want to move or even think in general. Going back to sleep would be nice.

Except even if he was still tired, that wasn’t easy. The light coming in through the gaps in the curtains was too bright. He needed to get up to get a drink of water if nothing else. Sometimes being a human with normal animal needs sucked.

And then sealing the deal on sleep being over… “I’d have thought you’d want to get up soon as you woke up today.” Of course Benrey was awake. He didn’t need to sleep as much as Gordon did so naturally when sleeping in, he’d woken up first. And of course he knew Gordon had woken up too; he could be quite perceptive at times.

Gordon took a breath, intending to ask why he’d not want to linger in bed but… let it out in a sigh instead. The reason he was so tired and sore, they’d just returned from the Black Mesa facility with all of Benrey’s experiment related stuff. Including his records that Benrey was going to let Gordon look at.

With a groan, he forced himself to sit up and look down at Benrey, his face an unreadable blur. “Good morning.”

“It’s not morning.”

“Yeah, probably not, huh?” The light coming in through the window attested to that. Gordon slid off the bed entirely, allowing him to reach over to the nightstand for his glasses. The beside clock read 12:32pm. They’d slept for almost ten hours… or Gordon had anyway. “You look at any of your stuff yet?”

Benrey slid out of bed too. The ruffled mess of his hair and pajamas was endearingly cute. “Nope, waiting for you. We’re gonna look together, remember?”

Of course Gordon remembered. Most of yesterday was a blur but that kind of thing wasn’t easily forgotten. “You sure you’re okay with me looking?”

“Yep.”

Gordon should perhaps decline anyway out of politeness or at least tell Benrey to go through it all himself first to sort out stuff he wasn’t all right with Gordon seeing. But he was being given permission to look. All the questions he’d ever had about whatever the fuck Benrey was could finally be answered. And not the type to be constrained by social conventions – especially ones that were stupid like the whole offering something out of a sense of obligation with the understanding and hope that it’d be declined for the sake of propriety thing that people sometimes supposedly did – Benrey likely wouldn’t lie about being okay with it. What was there to be gained from such a lie? Nothing as far as Gordon could tell.

“Wanna go look now?” Benrey gestured towards the door.

As eager and curious as Gordon was… “I gotta eat something first.” And more importantly get some coffee, he could drink some water while he waited for that to brew.

In anticipation for playing games together once they got a proper gaming computer built – a process they hadn’t quite begun yet – they planned to eventually get two office chairs into the gamer pad. For now though, they had only the one. Gordon was going to let Benrey have it but… “Nah, you’re taller so you’d have to bend over to see the screen good.”

Gordon couldn’t argue with that. And with all of the stuff they’d brought in from the lab, there wasn’t room to comfortably pull in one of the kitchen chairs. So with a sigh, he sat down and booted up the computer.

Back at the lab they’d pulled the hard drives out of the computers salvaged from the facility to plug into the ones they already had up and running. Here though, the salvaged computers were more high-tech than the cheap temporary computer Gordon had bought solely to be able to browse the internet on. Enough so that even if it wasn’t built for gaming, it still might be able to be used for such. And so while Gordon had had ‘breakfast’, Benrey had moved their computer aside and replaced it with one of the three brought in last night.

Which meant starting it up brought up the familiar Black Mesa login screen. Promoted and having put himself in charge of sorting through the old experiment data he’d long since gotten the master login from Breen. As he typed it in – slowly but surely he was developing a one handed way of typing that wasn’t as fast as he used to be able to do but was still far better than pick-typing – he repeated it out loud to Benrey so he could log in by himself later. It was possible to change the login for this computer or set it to boot up without it but whatever, Benrey deserved to know some of Black Mesa’s secrets. If he wanted to risk sneaking into the temporary lab to log in to one of computers there to set up a prank on Breen or whoever, as long as he could do it without getting caught or landing any of the Science Team plus Darnold in trouble, it wasn’t any of Gordon’s business.

What was his business though, being the one with easiest access to the mouse and keyboard was finding the experiment data saved to the computer. The systems used across all of Black Mesa were the same, making it easy to navigate even though the experiment was of an entirely different sort than the ones he’d worked on.

After who even knew how many years Benrey had been an experiment for, there was an awful lot of stuff, taking up most of the available memory across multiple backup drives. They were in luck though as the people in charge of organizing the data had done that job well – a surprisingly uncommon trait amongst the Black Mesa scientists – making it easy to navigate. True to Benrey’s word, a lot of the files had the term ‘Subject X’, implying they were about Benrey. Possibly a roman numeral. There might be nine prior attempts at making him or maybe nine other aliens captured for study. Or the ‘X’ might be because it was the first letter of ‘Xen’. Maybe it meant nothing and had just been chosen at random or for some reason not directly related to Benrey and the experiment.

“Start with the videos.” Benrey leaned in over Gordon’s shoulder. “You scientists are always super boring when writing your research paper stuff.”

Gordon should perhaps ask one last time if Benrey was really sure he was okay with him seeing. He’d already said several times that he was though and Gordon wanted to see. So much so he’d been willing to go all the way to the Black Mesa facility for the chance to. Thus instead, he said nothing as he followed Benrey’s orders. Not how he would’ve done it but it was only fair he let Benrey call the shots here.

The earliest video file was dated at April 1st 1983 and was titled ‘SubX Success’. So they’d presumably had Benrey for about twenty-five years. Well, it had already been established that they’d had him for at least for as far back as he could remember, thus basically his whole life. Still a long time to be an experiment though. Not that there was anything that could be done about it so instead of saying anything, Gordon opened it and set it to start playing.

On screen was a man – his age indeterminate beyond being old enough that his hair was starting to go gray – in a lab coat standing behind a table in a generic looking lab. “That light means it’s recording now, correct?”

“Correct,” came an off screen voice, presumably the camera man. In typical Black Mesa fashion, the camera used to record was more advanced than what would’ve been available elsewhere at the time. Allowing for video and sound quality to be not too far below what would be considered on par for modern day technology.

“Good, good. Now,” he turned his attention into the camera, “we finally have a living specimen. If it’ll stay alive for long, we don’t know yet, especially since its not quite what we expected, but I personally have high hopes.”

As he spoke, he pulled a cart in from off screen. On it was various equipment, including a stand that held up a small metal canister about the width of a pool noddle. Grabbing it, the man pressed something on the side that cause the lid to lift before upending it onto the table in front of him. The camera zoomed in on it as he did so.

A grayish blob flowed out of the canister, looking not at all like a living thing. Not until it moved anyway, reaching out with formless tendrils as if looking for the canister as it was pulled away. Finding nothing, the blob instead reached out all around it. Not the settling motion of a non-solid but seemingly intentional reaching out for something.

Was that… Benrey? It didn’t look anything like him but there wasn’t any reason for it to considering his shape shifting. If it was Benrey though, that made it a he instead of an it. Assuming that’s how Benrey preferred to be called anyway. Gordon had never actually asked so… he paused the video and looked up at Benrey. “You go by he/him, right?”

“Yup. Why?”

“Just wandering and making sure.” He could maybe ask for more specifics later if Benrey was willing to share his thoughts on the human made concept of gender and all that. For now though… “Let’s continue.” He clicked the play button, resuming the video.

The scientist’s hands came into the picture, one of them holding what looked an awful lot like a scalpel – this had only just started and it was already taking an uncomfortable turn. “As you can see, its form is a bit odd but when we cut it, it bleeds to heal itself.” He demonstrated with the scalpel, making a small cut on top of Maybe-Benrey, making him visibly flinch away. The blood was a now somewhat familiar slightly purple tinged red that did indeed seem to close up the small cut. “We’re not sure if it makes enough for us to be able to harvest it but the hope is that it’ll bigger and thus will in time.”

His other hand blocked the blobs attempt to crawl away, pushing him closer instead as he lifted the scalpel to do another cut, a bit bigger this time. “It also responds to being cut as if it feels pain. We will have to see how that develops in the future and see if it responds to other stimuli as well. For now, I don’t wish to keep it out of its simulated environment for long lest that kill it. End the recording ple--” The video ended, cutting him off.

Gordon turned in his chair a bit, letting him look up at Benrey. Before he could figure out how to ask what Benrey thought about the video…

“That ain’t me.” Benrey’s tone was just ever so slightly strained towards perhaps anger or frustration. Or maybe Gordon just expected him to be having an emotional reaction and thus was imagining it.

“Well, um… I guess we don’t know that for sure yet. The guy did say it might die. So maybe… the next one’s you or the one after that. We know it’s got something to do with you though so… you know.” There was a good chance that Benrey had looked an awful lot like the blob in the video at some point in his life. Which was interesting as that would make him a fascinating creature indeed.

“I tried the no structure thing. It sucks.”

“What does that mean exactly?”

“Last time I was doing the trying to find my true form or whatever thing, I finally like uh… dissolved all my bones or whatever. It sucked, didn’t feel right at all. If I’m really just… a dumb boring blob or whatever that was, I would’ve felt something, right?”

“I don’t know. I know less about how any of that should work than you do.” If they kept going, there was no doubt a lot more to be revealed. No bigger questions had even been answered yet. Gordon’s curiosity was stronger than ever and the answers were right here but… Benrey didn’t seem to be pleased with this little bit they had found. “You wanna stop? Or maybe take a break since we went all that way so it’d be a shame to stop now.”

“No.” Zero hesitation on that answer. “Next video.”

“How ‘bout we start from the top? The first document should have the purpose and intended method of the experiment clearly stated.”

“Fine, guess that’s easiest anyway since you wanna look at everything anyway.”

Gordon was no longer entirely sure he wanted to see everything, everything. Not if Benrey – or the prototype Benrey and eventually no doubt Benrey himself – was going to be shown being sliced and diced or anything of the sort. Science was only interesting and fun when no one was being hurt. Even if physical damage wasn’t as big a deal for someone with Benrey’s powers, that didn’t make it okay or pleasant to witness. For now though, he turned back around and scrolled up a bit to open up the earliest file on record, dated almost a full year before the first video had been taken.

“Read it out loud,” Benrey said as he leaned into the side of the chair, forcing Gordon to catch himself with his foot before it could swivel too far the right. “Make it entertaining.”

“I doubt I can do that.” His interest in the subject would make it compelling for him but his lack of experience reading things out loud would likely harm how interesting it would be to someone like Benrey. “I can try though.” That’s all that could be asked of him.

***

Benrey soon set into pacing behind the computer chair as Gordon read. As expected the file was dry, scientific, and took way more words than it really needed to, making it boring. If Gordon was indeed trying to make it entertaining, he was bad at it. Benrey hung on every word anyway. Finally it was time to get some answers.

The stated purpose of the experiment that had resulted in Benrey was to create a life form that could passively produce healing gel, negating the need to create it manually using limited resources. One of the key ingredients for which was a rare plant found on Xen that refused to cultivate in any lab scenario, creating the need for the experiment in the first place.

Benrey’s pacing slowed to a halt as Gordon read through the list of proposed materials and procedures to create this life form. This was an the answer to the question at last; Benrey had been made in the lab out of alien plants and chemicals. He was the only one of his kind. There wasn’t a group of aliens out there like him which also meant he had no family he’d been stolen from as an egg. He hadn’t even come from an egg but instead, reportedly a vat, not even a tube. And to top it all off they’d made him solely to harvest his healing juice.

That was… fine though. It didn’t matter. Nothing changed. It’s not like he’d have liked his family if he did have one. He’d have been mad at them, right? Because they’d have let him get stolen and experimented on. So this was probably the better option anyway, right? No one had let him be stolen and experimented on, he’d just been made to harvest healing gunk from and then bonus experimentation had happened along the way too. Shitty but… whatever, it didn’t matter anyway. He’d just been mildly curious. And now he knew so he could go back to not caring. He was fine with this.

Once apparently done reading – though Benrey had tuned out the last however long – Gordon turned the chair to face him. “So you were made in the lab but entirely outta alien stuff which basically means you’re like both, right? A lab grown alien. That’s pretty cool.” He would think that, wouldn’t he? “Even if uh… the reason they made you is kinda, not great. Or I guess their intentions were good but being made to have a resource harvested from you is uh… uncomfortable. But being a lab grown alien is pretty neat, huh?”

“Guess so, yeah.”

Benrey had apparently done a bad job of conveying just how much he didn’t care because Gordon’s attempt at a smile died. “You were hoping that uh… you were a just a normal alien, huh?”

He shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. I don’t care. Don’t need a family anyway. What they made me for kinda sucks but… I already knew they were keeping me ‘round for that anyway so it’s nothing new. So… I don’t care.”

“I’m sorry.”

Benrey scoffed. “Don’t be.” Even if him caring enough to be sorry was a good sign, Benrey didn’t want to talk about it anymore. He knew now so it was time to move on. “Let’s continue. There’s a lot to get through.” So the question of how Gordon would feel about him after would finally be answered too. It’d be real nice to just be done with all this nonsense already.

“You uh… sure you wanna keep going? I mean that was… You’re allowed to be upset by it. We could take a break to process that if you want.”

“I’m not upset and I don’t need a break. It’s easier this way, don’t gotta worry about trying to find my people or whatever. I’m like uh… um… a legendary Pokemon. There’s only one of me ‘cause uh… the world couldn’t handle more. So drop it and read the next file or whatever.”

“All right, if you insist. But if um, you do ever need a break, just say so, ‘kay?” Gordon swiveled the chair to face the computer again.

Benrey had no intention of taking him up on that offer. The sooner all this was done with, the better. So he settled back into pacing as Gordon started reading the next document.

Next Chapter

#hlvrai #frenrey #hlvrai gordon #benrey

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blacktobackmesa · 2 years ago

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Hi, I'm sorry I'm back in your inbox again skfbdjdn, but uhhh I was thinking about the headcanons you posted on Valentine's day and now I've got to know how Gordon would react when he realizes he's developing feelings for Funny Benny who lives in the computer. I'm usually a fairly casual frenrey shipper, but with how good you are at writing the hlvrai cast I'm on the edge of my seat to hear about how their relationship in streamman

Ohhh yes yes good. (Also, no apologies, I love messages, they are my friends) I'm gonna go deep into the paint on this one, check below the cut for Gordon's slow realization, the little things leading up to it, and more.

(There's a little allusion to sexual topics. Nothing explicit. Literally just the fact that adults in relationships can have sex. If you are a fan of the show where the climactic final boss monologue has heavy discussion of a dick slip, I don't think you're going to be scandalized, but I've been wrong before.)

Gordon and Benrey have that fun dynamic of "omg stopp what are you doing (does nothing to stop them)", and there's a lot of ways for both of them to be affectionate while obfuscating their feelings. But it's not really like they're trying to hide anything from each other? It's just the language they've built up to communicate. Like:

"Oh, fuck you." [Gordon Translation: That quip was pretty funny, I'm surprised I didn't see that coming.]

"you wish. say please, k?" [Benrey translation: I'm glad my comedy had the desired effect, so I'm continuing my jokes. I'm also implying intimacy by being comfortable enough to make sex jokes about us.]

At some point, Gordon realizes that his interactions with Benrey are making him feel... almost lonely. Which is weird, because the things that make him feel lonely(?) are all the things he likes about hanging out with Benrey. He figures out that he misses being able to have that kind of dynamic with a romantic partner.

Then it takes another full week for him to do the math that "Being with Benrey makes me think about my past relationships" + "I feel sad that I'm not dating anyone" = "I feel sad that I'm not dating Benrey". Look, he's not a scientist. He just plays one in a video game.

First response to realizing his feelings: MASSIVE ANXIETY.

How can they make this work out? What if he's waited too long? He knew Benrey was into him in the game, but this is several years of platonic interaction later. If Benrey still likes him that way, will he be angry and bitter at Gordon for trying to act like he hasn't been quietly turning down Benrey's affections all this time? Even if Benrey's still interested, they're basically on different planes of reality!

Thankfully, he has someone to talk to who helps get some of those anxieties sorted.

Gordon: what about going on dates? Fang: you go on outings with the science team all the time. You literally sit in the dark and watch movies together at least once a month. Gordon: Am I going to be content in a long-distance relationship where I know we can't ever move in together? Fang: Okay, one: his domain is on a computer in your home. Two, you're pretty dang happy with your ""long distance"" friendships. Three, you have the haptic suit. And four, it is none of my business if you decide to buy some very specialized bluetooth devices. Gordon: dude. Fang: I'm just saying you have options on the physical side.

Thankfully, Benrey's kind of glad he waited. Like, it would be awesome if he and Gordon had been together from the start, but he kind of feels better about who he is as a person at this point. Gotta get Benrey lvl. 5 before you can unlock Ultimate Romance. Anyway Gordon asks him out and he ragdolls on the fucking floor

#frenrey #gordon streamman #you are welcome and invited to share your own ideas on this post #3…2…1…gordon! [gordon]#who killed this [benrey]#fang0riously

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randomgooberness · 1 year ago

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OKAY, WE FINALLY HAVE A PIRATE EPISODE! HERE YOU LITTLE MONSTERS GO!!! <3

Mind is written by @shineyfish

WARNINGS: violence(obviously), drug mentions, smoking, and unintentional self-harm.

They traveled through the doorway, leading them down to the rest of the railway system, which was water-logged. Aside from the few bursts of unconducted energy, the rest of the track didn't seem to be electrified. Gordon mentioned Benrey being a 'powerful asset' to the team, something that Mind was vocally against, but... He did have to admit that the thing was powerful.

They raced through the labyrinth of abandoned trackways - Literally, and Tommy won - before making their way up a ladder and to another hallway, higher up and filled to the brim with soldiers.

To which, hilariously, Mind's reaction was to start talking like a pirate.

"IF IT'S A FAIR FIGHT YER LOOKIN' FOR, THEN YE'VE COME TO THE WRONG MAN!"

Gordon, bewildered out of his skull, started cackling.

”YEAH!?” He screamed. “GET THE- GET THE- FUCK YEAH CAPTAIN MIND GET THEM! THEY DON'T HAVE ANY SKILLS GET THEIR ASSES!”

The encouragement only seemed to make Mind laugh with him, nailing the unlucky soldiers in the hallway.

"THE BATTLE BE A' RAGIN, TIS THE PERFECT TIME TA PLUNDER!"

He dipped into one of the side rooms, opening the boxes on the shelves in search of ammo, or anything valuable. He wasn't picky.

"It appears yer treasure be naught but a ruse, these boxes be empty!"

Gordon wheezed.

“BULLSHIT. WHERE'S OUR TREASURE.” He cackled. “CAPTAIN MIND, WHAT DO WE DO!?!”

“Loot the bodies,” Benrey said, making Gordon choke laughing.

“GET THEIR GUNS!”

"PLUNDER THE LOT A' THEM! SEIZE THE ARTILL'RY!"

Mind cackled, spinning his gun in his hand before shooting a bootboy. That was just showing off.

"YE CALL YERSELVES MARINES, BUT MARINERS I DINNAE SEE NONE! YER A BUNCH A' COWARDS AN' DEADWEIGHT!"

Gordon wheezed again.

“MAKE THEM FUCKIN- what is it- MAKE THEM WALK THE PLANK!!!” He laughed, following behind him. “Dude you need like, a cool eyepatch or something.”

"AYE, A' DO!"

Mind smiled back at Gordon, looking Genuinely happy.

"Although, a' dinnae want a hook fer a hand. That can be yer thing!"

The power absolutely going to his head, he pointed ahead with his gun.

"COMPANY, LETS SHOW THESE LANDLUBBERS TA FEAR TH' WAVES!"

“HOW AM I GONNA SHOOT WITH A HOOK HAND- wait actually hold on I got it-“

He took out his crowbar, grinning as he held it tight, and raced into battle alongside Mind.

“YAAAAARG!”

"YAAHAHAHAHAAAARRGG!"

Making good on his word, Mind looted almost every soldier's body that they came across, taking no prisoners.

"Tis but a shame, we be without our mechanical longboat! Would have made this voyage easier. Alas, tis no issue!"

"OUR WH- oh a train? YEAH. OUR UH. SHIP- I'm not good at this- let's- OH SHIT- YARG!" Gordon straight up brained a soldier he found in a room, and walked inside, spotting a security officer. "OH, THERE'S A GUY IN HERE!"

Mind snorted at Gordon not understanding the pirate talk, punching him in the shoulder about it before turning to the guard.

"AHOY THERE SQUIRE, WHAT SAY YE TA JOINING OUR CREW? I'LL GIVE YE A CUT A' ANY LOOT WE TAKE!"

The guard didn't react to the pirate voice, staring ahead at the two.

"Okay, why not.”

“Y-”

“Didn't want to die alone anyway."

Mind threw his hands in the air.

"YAAAAR! THAT BE THE SPIRIT! LET US CHARGE FORTH AND PAINT THE WALLS RED WITH BLOOD!"

Gordon started laughing so hard that he went into a coughing fit.

"LH- HHHVKKHCKLLETSSSGOOO! LETSSSGO!!!!!" He cried, stumbling to follow Mind out.

"C-Captain Mind!! There's- there are more soldiers on the port bow!" Tommy shouted, pointing at more soldiers approaching.

Captain Mind yelled as he rushed the soldiers, firing at them as he did. When he got close enough he ran out of bullets, and in a slight panic used the butt of the gun to knock one of them out.

He didn't expect everyone to go along with the pirate bit if he was being honest! He had to admit though he was a fan of the captain role. He should be the leader of these guys.

Gordon shot the knocked-out soldier right between the eyes. Meanwhile, the guard didn't take cover as he shot at soldiers in the distance.

As the bullets flew past, Mind fired back, yelling at the guard.

"GET DOWN, LAD, TAKE COVER!"

The guard did not get down or take cover and rag-dolled on the floor shortly after, the bullet hitting them in the shoulder.

Mind watched it happen with wide eyes.

"WELL WHAT USE ARE YE TAE US NOW?"

Gordon broke into cackling. It was a little stressed, but to be fair- that was extremely funny.

”WHY DID HE DO THAT!? WHY DID- ok lets- let's keep going- we shoul- actually, any idea, Captain??”

Mind paused for a second, smiling as he assesed the area, before pointing towards one of the rooms with his gun.

"Avast, an unchecked room. Could harbour mariners, brace yerself lad!"

His throat was starting to kill him a bit. He usually didn't commit to the pirate thing for this long, but he was having a great time and nobody could stop him.

"Gotcha- ready- or uh- aye-aye? Is that- READY!" Gordon cocked his gun and gave Mind a dumb smile.

"Lets unload hot piratey death!" Bubby cheered.

His crew was full of idiots. Laughing, Mind charged on ahead.

"THEM WHO DIE BE THE LUCKY ONES, AND THAR BE PLENTY O' LUCK GOIN ROUND TODAY!"

Inside the room was three soldiers, two of which were mowed down immediately, and the last one sat in one of the chairs, seemingly unaffected by the gunfire.

"ARISE, YE LANDLUBBING SCURR, AN' FACE YER DEATH LIKE A MAN!"

Mind had his gun raised to him, but the soldier did not rise, face scrunching up at the group.

"No, I don't feel like it."

"GET UP-! GET UP, ASSHOLE!" Gordon screamed at him, running and kicking the chair over.

Miraculously, the soldier managed to stay in the chair, unfazed. Mind shot nearby the soldier's head, an incredulous laugh escaping him. Wwwhatthefuck.

"STOPPP."

Gordon started laughing so hard he turned around and left the room, before walking back in.

"Get up!" He barked again, taking out his SMG. "GET UP, ASSHOLE!"

"Leave me aloooone!"

Mind was starting to lose it, what was with this guy??

"IGNORANCE CANNAE SAVE YE NOW, MATEY, DO AS HE SAYS!"

Confusion may have been apparent, but the pirate voice was unwavering.

A stray shot to the chair broke it completely, and the soldier was forced to stand, taking out his gun, but still acting as if the threat was just a minor inconvenience.

"You wanna stop- you wanna stop please?"

"WHAT- what are our chairs made out of!?" Gordon choked. "GUN ON THE GROUND, BUDDY. SET IT DOWN, NOW. I'LL BLOW YOUR FUCKING SKULL OUT, DON'T TEST ME-"

"God, you're so annoying."

Eyes shifting to the door for a split second, the soldier dashed out, pushing past Mind and Gordon as he did so.

"HEY, WHERE D'YE THINK YER GOIN?"

Without considering the possibility of a trap, which was strange for him, Mind ran after him.

"Come the FUCK on are you kidding me!" Gordon shouted at no one in particular, moreso the situation as he raced after them both- shooting rapidly.

Once the soldier darted out of sight, Gordon sighed, holding a hand up.

"STOP! Stop- we lost him." He looked to another dead soldier on the ground, noticing a lit cigar in his mouth.

Mind leaned over the railing, trying to spot where the guy went.

"Alas, he's slipperier than a fish out o' water."

He coughed, cringing slightly.

Turning to face the rest of the team, he gave them a smile.

"No a venture that we cannae take on! We'll find th' landlubbin' scurr if 's the last thing we do."

Gordon laughed a bit.

“Is the voice starting to hurt??”

"No."

Yes, but he wasn't going to be defeated that easily.

"Just a tad scratchy on the ol' throat."

“Alright,” Gordon rolled his eyes a little, chuckling, before bending over and picking up the cigar from the dead body. “Wait, hold on,”

He contemplated it for a moment, standing up, before taking a drag from it.

“Thats disgusting.” Bubby said.

Mind looked at him for a second.

Gross. You don't know where that's been. Sir.

It felt weird to see the man smoke, he just... Didn't seem like the type. Sure, Mind himself didn't smoke often, but he's been around enough smokers.

"... D'ye usually smoke? Ye didnae have th face fer it."

Gordon took in a really, really long drag.

“Y’gotta look good when you’re killing-“ He choked, before breaking into a massive coughing fit.

Mind snorted. Idiot.

"Ah, I ken now. Yer a professional. Best smoker in th' world."

“Smoking is a terrible habit!” Bubby snapped. Gordon paused, blinking, and dropped the cigar on the ground, stomping at it and pointing at Dr. Coomer with extreme fury.

”THIS ONE DRANK PISS!”

"That disnae give ye cancer."

Not helping.

“Not helping.” Gordon sighed. “Lets keep going. C’mon, captain.”

With another cough, Mind walked ahead of the group.

"Fuck-, Thar be another passage way, anchors away crew!"

The cough made Gordon cackle.

“Bro! Stop doing it if it hurts! If you lose your voice I’m making fun of you.” He wheezed, following.

Mind went to argue, keeping to the wall as shots fired at them, before coughing violently, behind cover.

"hhghbbbb. Thaaat's enough of that. I have about 20 more years of whiskey drinking before my voice sounds like that naturally."

He covered his mouth for a second, catching his breath.

"Do we still have problems?"

He looked out from the cover and gunfire shot past him immediately.

"We still have problems."

Gordon laughed, finding immense joy in Minds antics.

“Uh, well, we could send Benrey out, maybe- I haven’t seen him, though.”

Mind didn't look at him, but he did pause.

"... Knowing our luck, he'd either join them or just stand there like an idiot."

He made a small noise of consideration.

"This sounds like a job for Ambassador Pineapple!" He took out a grenade, "You'll be representing us on the floor, now go out there and work your magic!"

After throwing it at the problem, there was a couple seconds more of gunfire, an explosion, then silence. The entire time, Mind was twirling the pin in his hand.

"... And it sounds like we've come to a resolution!"

He ducked out of the cover.

"Testing, one two, testing... Well, I'm glad everything worked out."

“Ambassador Pineapple??” Gordon wheezed, following him out from under cover.

“G’oh, I miss him every day!” Dr. Coomer nodded. Bubby followed as well.

“I agree with everything he said.”

“I-It’s always good to have peaceful conver- conversations!” Tommy added, pointing his gun thoughtlessly.

Mind nodded.

"Ambassador Pineapple."

He did not explain further, exploring over the room.

"Everyone that matters is here and accounted for, so let's move on. This room wasn't heavily guarded for no reason, I refuse to..."

Ahead on the wall was a spray painted sign that read "Surrender Freemen". Normally, Mind would just pass it off as the education of the military, but...

Freemen.

Free men.

They knew.

He swallowed, staring at it.

Gordon was walking by it, completely unaware, until he noticed Mind staring.

“Whatcha lookin’ at, bud?” He asked brightly, walking over, before pausing as his eyes scanned the words over. “…ah.”

“…What the fuck? You cant graffiti, that’s against the law,” Bubby, who was graffiting an hour earlier, said. “They even spelled it wrong! Blasted military education.”

“Haha, yeah.” Gordon chuckled a little, though his expression wore the feeling of swallowing fire and being doused in ice. “Yeah they’re…stupid.”

Mind blinked a couple times, analysing Gordon's demeanor change.

... The fuck is that about?

He knew. He had to know, there was "no way he doesn't, I mean," the thing said free men. He needed to know that "means both of us."

He wrung out his hands, glancing between the sign and Gordon.

"No... No, he doesn't." They'd been through this, if Gordon knew, then he was "damn good at hiding it. Nobody can hide shit that well" without dropping too many clues.

I can trust him. "I have to."

He picked at his face, staring back at the sign.

His thoughts felt... Overlapping, repeating over themselves and crashing against his skull like waves. A slurry of He Knows, They Know, They All Know, it was difficult to hear much else.

He took a shaky breath.

"The morphine must be wearing off."

"...I don't think you should get another dose until tomorrow, man." Gordon muttered. "Are...you okay? It...is there something I don't...know? About this?"

He took a second, looking at the grafitti again, and then back to Mind, tilting his head, eyes full of the same emotion as before, and now worry.

"...You're talking to yourself again."

"I... Am I?"

Fuck.

He picked at the scars on his face, glancing away.

"No, it's... It's fine, man."

He couldn't look at Gordon.

He didn’t know. He didn’t know. He didn’t know. It was just "my brain being a dick to me," which was why he needed the fucking morphine.

God he hated this. He needed to "get this talking to myself shit under control, fast."

Taking out his gun, counted over the ammo, trying to focus on anything else.

"Let's... Go, let's go."

"Alright." Gordon huffed, following him. "...N'don't pick at your face, man. Our gloves are probably filthy."

#doodles #artists on tumblr #hlvraifm #gordon feetman #gordon freemind #freeman’s mind #SORRY IM UPLOADING THIS KINDA LATE FOR A LOTTA YOU BUT I NEED TO SHOW PEOPLE NOW NOW NOW ITS SO FUN

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anons-has-hlvrai-aus · 12 days ago

Text

The Metamorphosis of Gordon Freeman [Chapter 8]

String Theory

Chapter 1 | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Chapter Summary: When life gives you Worm on a String, summon skeletons…I guess.

Word Count: 2,610

Ao3 Version

Notes: This is a much shorter chapter for how long it took me to get finished, but I hope it’s fun regardless! And fun fact for Tumblr readers! If I worked things out correctly, there’ll be another new chapter tomorrow both on Ao3 AND here for Halloween!

“Oh, shit.” Gordon held up one of the Squirmles they had bought. “Did you forget to give this one to Tommy?”

Benrey shook his head, pushing the first Squirmle closer to Gordon’s chest and grabbing the other from off the table. He phased a hand through the packaging to pluck free the little blue worm from its disposable prison. “This is a friendship gift.”

Gordon haphazardly followed Benrey’s example with collecting his own worm, careful with the spool of fishing line that came with it as he examined the little toy: it was comfortably fuzzy and folded into itself within his palm, the googly eyes that clung onto the perceived face of the worm were as endearing as they were silly.

“So…what, like a friendship bracelet?”

Benrey hummed in affirmation while he made a mess of the fishing line from his worm. He dragged the toy around, performing basic tricks with it for a few minutes before squinting at it for a long while. “…don’t like the string.”

“It’s part of the toy.” Gordon explained matter-of-factly. “You can’t make it do tricks without it.”

“But he looks so sad with the string. Look at him. Look at this face.”

He did. It looked like any other Squirmle.

“He can’t show it but he HATES the string.”

The not-human squinted again, this time at the thread and started to bring it close to his mouth of sharp teeth.

“Don’t-! Do NOT use your teeth to remove the string. You’ll fuck up your mouth doing that.”

“Oh.” Benrey pulled the worm away to stare at it. A rustling noise came from the oven.

“What the hell was that?”

The door of the oven swung open, a pair of boney hands pulling out the skeleton attached to them.

“…w…wha-?”

“Hey man.” Benrey smiled a bit as he turned to the now slowly approaching skeleton. “This is my friend.” He looked back at Gordon.

“I don’t…how long has that been in there?”

The skeleton took the worm from Benrey’s hands and observed the fishing line attached. It opened its jaw and in a single, swift motion, bit off the string from the base of whatever knot was keeping it tied to the worm itself. The fishing wire elegantly fell to the floor of the room, soon to be discarded by either occupant of the house while the worm was delicately returned to Benrey’s possession.

“Why…why did you do that?” Gordon asked.

“He free…” Benrey responded with a fleeting smile.

“You’re not gonna be able to play with the worm anymore. You only had him for a minute, and you’ve completely cut off your only way to play with it.”

“You can always get more string for later.”

“I mean…fair enough?”

Benrey fiddled with the worm again. Its movements were significantly less clumsy without the string, but it clearly wasn’t as fun to play with.

“See? You can’t really enjoy it as much without the string.”

“He’s much happier like this.”

“It’s a toy worm. Whatever feelings you think it has are far from real, so there’s no actual harm in putting a new string around it.”

“Look.” Benrey held the worm in front of Gordon’s face again. “Should I allow my personal desires to get in the way of other people’s happiness?”

“You are overthinking the ramifications of playing with a worm that has a string around its nose.” He sighed. The worm’s googly-eyed stare went on for miles. “Are you gonna put a new string on it or not?”

Benrey shrugged. “Maybe I might, or maybe don’t. Maybe, sometime. Or never. Maybe.”

“I guess anything could happen, huh?” Gordon looked at his own worm, still fully stringed. It actually wasn’t too bad of a gift for how cheap it was. He could snake it around his fingers, or let it sit in his palm. It fit very nicely in his shirt pocket and was very endearing in how it stuck its nose out when it did.

He wouldn’t dare carry it around with him. Not unless he made it into a keychain somehow, but then his worm wouldn’t really be usable as a toy anymore, either.

“Thanks for the help, man.” Benrey told the skeleton.

It walked through a wall to the outside, leaving a trail of green to blue sweet voice in Gordon’s direction when it did.

It was all just a bit strange, but also pleasant.

For now, he would cherish the little toy as it was, and decidedly not question the thing with the skeleton.

It was only one skeleton, and it wasn’t like it would be staying here all night…

It was dark.

It was too dark.

He wasn’t sure why, he had regularly exposed himself to darkness many times before for a long time now, but something happened this time.

Maybe he turned the lights off too fast.

Maybe his mind was still racing from the day’s many confusions.

Maybe…

Metal footsteps clunked on the concrete floor while They searched for a light switch. Gordon’s eyes were a conduit for Them to perceive the world, his mouth for communication, his legs for travel.

It was with great dread that Gordon knew where he was, and that The Player did not, and that as such he would be forced to endure the dark room instead of turning tail for the exit.

Because the dark room was not just a room, and somewhere in his gut, no, in his code, before he even knew what sentience was, he knew this wasn’t just a room.

There was a box that wasn’t checked, a trigger that went off incorrectly, it screamed out that something was wrong and that it needed to be fixed.

“Thief! Thief!! Thief!!!”

But Gordon knew, he wasn’t sure how, but he knew that nothing had been stolen, especially not the game itself. Perhaps that’s why Benrey always said he was trying to steal something…the game’s way of trying to tell Them before that something was wrong.

But the game couldn’t know, it was an incomplete product. Bugs were bound to happen.

But this was a dangerous bug to overlook, so easy to set off by mere accident. Maybe something about the way the headset was registered messed with the triggers, Gordon couldn’t really recall anymore. It had been common information at some point, but it was lost the moment he was removed from the game.

How many versions of him existed? And how many had lost a hand due to some fault in the very fabric of his old reality?

He wanted to run out of the room but he could not. The Player could not. A scripted event was a scripted event.

His reality was fake. He was fake.

But the pain was real.

Gordon screamed.

Or maybe They did it for him.

Any moment where They didn’t have control over him was its own sort of pain, a hollowness.

Gordon screamed.

The room was too dark.

His body waited for somebody to take the reins, to fill the terrible and wonderful hollowness.

There was a pain in his arm.

Gordon tried to scream.

His mouth was not his own, could not speak unless spoken through.

A dull, deepish voice spoke to him, far too muffled for him to understand but mostly likely antagonistic.

Red and yellow and teal and cyan and red and yellow and teal and cyan and red and yellow and teal and cyan and, and, and, and-

And

Pigments mixed into mud.

Shades of blue emerged and just as quickly were blotted out by more brown.

Gordon could not scream.

His wrists, which he was always careful to never look at directly when preoccupying himself with objects in his hands, itched and for a moment he felt an old, comfortable, agonizing tug at them.

Gordon could not scream.

Gordon could not dream.

Gordon could not love.

Gordon could not feel.

Gordon could not move.

Gordon could not think.

Gordon could not grow.

Gordon could not stagnate.

Gordon could not-

Something was tucked into his hand, the one that wasn’t chopped off.

Soft, friendly, comfortable.

The mud cleared from his vision.

The lights were on. They had been for a bit.

His arms didn’t tug, didn’t itch.

The floor was not concrete.

His body, not encapsulated in an unfeeling shell.

Gordon looked around, a head of dark hair receded sheepishly behind a door frame while an off-white blur quickly vanished into the wall to his immediate left. His fingertips gently rolled around the item put into his hand. The little dots of plastic and the tiny spool among the soft body made clear what he had been given.

It was so simple and so innocuous, and also so notably disconnected to his past. Of all the things to ground him back to reality…this had been the most odd. So baffling in its arrival, yet very welcome with how different it was from those horrible sensations.

He held onto the worm with his flesh hand, petting it with his thumb while he kept the lights on and lay onto his back.

He was here, and he was now, and he was safe.

Phantom pain came and went through his right side, which wasn’t unusual given his arm situation.

He sighed, and after a while called out to Benrey. The man immediately came back around from the other side of the door frame. His eyes lacked emotion, his mouth was preoccupied with what looked like a large lump of the igneous rock, likely taken from a bag in the garage from when his house once had a shrubbery that used the rock as bedding.

“M’yeah?” Benrey mumbled, the rock falling out of his mouth when he did. He silently swore and picked it up off the carpet.

“…why did you…?” Gordon tried to say, but as he rolled the Squirmle around his hand a bit more, he changed his mind. “…how…?”

“My normal voice was uh…making you worse, and Sweet Voice wasn’t helping so…” He looked around the room for a second, “Wasn’t sure what to do. I’m not…” he whispered something about not recognizing the house he was in before continuing, glancing at Gordon’s right arm while he did so. “My friends didn’t want me touching that hand. Told me to put the worm in your other hand. So I did that.”

“…you’ve comforted me before, though, with jokes and stuff…”

“Time is weird.” He sniffed the air awkwardly, looking at Gordon with an odd look.

“Well…I appreciate it, Benrey.” Gordon looked at the clock on his nightstand for a distraction.

“…how do I calm you down again without Sweet Voice?”

He sat up to stare at the non-human. Benrey had comforted him before without the use of Sweet Voice, he could clearly remember it during his first SV lesson and had assumed that Coomer or Tommy had taught him. Benrey should have been able to remember comforting him like that…and he surely should have remembered the house he’d been living in for the past few weeks.

“……Benrey.”

Benrey didn’t look at him.

He said his name again, this time getting his attention.

“That’s my name?”

“…Benrey, do you have memory issues?”

Benrey stared blankly at Gordon before answering with a quiet “sometimes.”

He was about to say something but was cut off.

“It’s weird. Time is weird. I’m supposed to be in my room…But brain said ‘nah man you gotta go see this’ so I did. This is a nice house. Much better than my room..”

“Do you-? Your most recent memory right now is…before we’ve even-? Is this permanent?”

“Nah.” Benrey shook his head and started chewing on the rock more. “Future Benrey thought it was important so I listened.”

“Future Benrey?”

“Or I guess Present Benrey for you. That would make me uh…Past Benrey, for you, I think. Unless this is before they fucked with my head…”

“Before WHO fucked with your head?”

Benrey seemed to go completely still, squinting his eyes for a minute before replying. “…what?”

“You said somebody fucked with your head.”

“Oh. Somebody did do that, yeah.”

“Who?”

“Uh…” He looked around. “Oh shit, nice house. Much better than-”

Gordon interrupted this time, shaking his head. “Nevermind. You wanted me to tell you how to comfort me without Sweet Voice. I don’t really know what kind of memory problem you’re dealing with right now so I’m just gonna…roll with the punches and go ahead and tell you since you asked.”

“Okay.” He pursed his lips and attempted some sort of expression that was ultimately unreadable.

“Is that supposed to be-? What kind of face is that? It needs a little work.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Gordon sighed, and held his left hand open, the Squirmle still sitting within. “I have issues with people touching my right hand. I’m hoping you know why.”

“The uh…military.”

“Yes, that’s right. So…because I have issues with my right hand being touched…I would prefer that if I start freaking out…you do something with my left hand. For some reason it grounds me…but nothing past the wrist. I don’t…” He avoided looking at the hand longer than he needed to, “Not the wrist. Just the hand. Tommy and Coomer have found that squeezing it works best, but any sort of touch seems to work, like-”

“Worm?”

Gordon paused and…looked back at the hand. For a moment he didn’t feel afraid to stare as a pair of googly eyes did the same back at him from the safety on his palm. “…Yeah. Like worm, I guess.”

“Cool.” Benrey nodded. “…I’m gonna look around.”

“Go ahead, man. Your stuff is in the attic if you wanna play on your PlayStation.”

“Oh shit roommies.”

“Yep.”

“Awesome.” Before stepping out of view, Benrey looked back at Gordon with weary eyes. “You gonna be okay, man?”

“I’ll be fine.”

“I can leave a friend here if you need protection.”

“You mean a skeleton?”

He nodded. “They’re my friends.”

Gordon began to lay back down while he pondered Benrey’s words. “You keep calling them your friends…where do they come from? Do you like…make them?”

Humorously, Benrey ended up looking at the wall before just…shrugging. “Idunnoman. Shit’s weird.” He let out a small chuckle.

“Fuckin’ TELL me about it.” Gordon laughed with him. “I’m going to sleep. I guess you can keep some skeletons around the house if you’re THAT worried about me, but they better not overstay their welcome.”

“Nice.”

Gordon reached out to a lamp on his nightstand to turn on, but a bony hand beat him to it, turning the lamp on while a ‘friend’ on Benrey’s side of the room materialized and turned off the overhead light, but only after Gordon gave it a silent affirmation to do so.

The Squirmle stayed in Gordon’s left palm for the rest of the night, his thumb petting its fuzzy head rhythmically until he was able to drift to sleep.

His head swarmed in the meantime with questions about Benrey. His strange talks about “Past Benrey” and “Future Benrey” and his apparent memory issues were nothing short of enigmatic. Did this have any correlation to Tommy’s sudden anger at Gordon, earlier?

But that wouldn’t make sense. A memory issue wouldn’t prevent somebody from being able to become a normal person, maybe slow them down a bit at worst. Forzen had it figured out, and Gordon had only found out a couple weeks ago that he had a memory issue.

So it was definitely something else.

Whatever the problem was, he would just have to figure it out later.

#hlvrai metamorphosis au #hlvrai #hlvrai au #metamorphosis au #half life but the ai is self aware #half life vr but the ai is self aware #fanfic #the metamorphosis of gordon freeman

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princess-of-anons · 8 months ago

Text

Okay my last post for Metamorphosis AU got an “OwO” from somebody so I’m gonna assume that means there is Interest.

So here’s some lore for the aliens and alien-adjacent characters for the AU

Benrey and Gordon

Benrey (and by extension Gordon) isn’t technically part of a species, but there are/were others like him. A lot of them were captured by Black Mesa and subsequently “pulled apart” for whatever materials made up their bodies while the vast majority fled for greener pastures after the fact.

He doesn’t have a true form either, at least not one that can be properly “rendered” into the simulated world they live in without crashing the game.

He wouldn’t be able to shift into a true form if he wanted anyways, Black Mesa kinda messed up his head and one of the things they broke was his shapeshifting ability, so he’s kinda stuck looking like Some Guy, but he can still fuck around with proportions and add extra limbs.

That “change in his DNA” that Coomer sensed was Benrey trying to shift out of human form. It didn’t work but it was still freaky so he counts that as a win.

When Gordon’s alien powers start blossoming he and Benrey can share dreams (very important for the plot) and Benrey can shapeshift into whatever Gordon’s brain imagines to be a True Form for Benrey, which happens to be a massive worm-thing, both inside and outside the dream; this has the accidental effect in that Gordon can ALSO become a Worm now. Whoops.

Benrey can be easily nullified by blue light, which is pretty much everywhere on Earth. Extended exposure to blue light will cause it to be less effective with time; the only consistent way to keep Benrey at bay is with TV and video games since the movements on screens is distracting.

Gordon can, with time, do everything Benrey can but with more clarity and intent since he didn’t get his brain scrambled by Black Mesa AND grew up on a planet filled to the brim with blue light.

Yes I’m going back to the worm thing. Gordon doesn’t know WHY his brain imagines Benrey’s true form to be a giant worm, Benrey doesn’t have thoughts about it he just likes turning into a worm to bother Gordon. He has intentionally blocked the front door 15 times within 3 days of unlocking Worm Mode and he cannot be stopped, he’s just so happy to not be stuck as Some Guy forever.

Yes, I do have pictures of The Worm. They will arrive with time.

G-Man and Tommy

Mr. Coolatta/G-Man, unlike Benrey, is part of his own species, most of whom have taken the form of the exact same middle-aged human man. They have knowledge of multiple timelines and dimensions, and the ones that decide to go into “work” are often tasked with a specific timeline to keep watch of.

Tommy is biologically G-Man’s son, but whether he spawned via budding or was born to a human mom is intentionally left undiscussed. Tommy doesn’t know, and he doesn’t want to know.

Tommy grew up human and his DNA is 100% human.

The Resonance Cascade activated Tommy’s G-Man powers. Unlike Gordon, whose powers are coming to him slowly and with time, Tommy’s were immediately activated. He simply hasn’t used them yet outside of having a scarily good aim.

G-Man is actually young by the standards of his species.

Members of G-Man’s species that go into “work” are bound by the laws of the universe to follow the orders of their employers. If given an order, G-Man would not be able to disobey it even if he REALLY didn’t want to.

Only G-Man knows who his employers are, and he cannot tell anybody about them unless they also work for his employers.

Okays that’s what I have so far, the rest I either cannot remember right now or is probably spoilers

I have no clue what people might want tagged so just let me know and I’ll tag as needed

#hlvrai #metamorphosis AU #hlvrai au #hlvrai metamorphosis au

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butchbenrey · 5 months ago

Note

Are there any theories, predictions, or hopes you experience in regards to hl2vrai?

Also, consider this: benrey that is of copious spikes

god i have a complicated relationship with the idea of hl2vrai for so many reasons, most of them being really personal so i dont have as many theories or expectations as youd might think. the whole announcement and trailer happened during a really rough period of my life so the whole thing kinda has the ooze for me. still, i know i'll watch it when it comes out. i can't not, hlvrai has been my whole thing for nearly 3 years now.

as far as what i expect to happen, i think benrey probably wont come back. or if he does, itll be for a gag or something. this is gonna sound so bitter (because it admittedly is) but it seems like the crew is largely obsessed with teasing their fans for liking benrey too much and i imagine theyll keep dangling him over our heads. maybe thats too cynical, i dunno. i honestly don't think most of the science team will be returning? like obviously gordon, coomer, and g-man will, and people have theorized that tommy is that second g-man we saw which i can definitely get behind. but baaulp didn't like playing tommy and i don't get the vibe that gir is particularly attached to bubby either. i imagine the crew would wanna switch things up because they're notoriously unpredictable.

also, from the moment i saw alyx with a fat cigar in the trailer i've been pretty confident mira will play her, which i was initially really hyped for but now have complicated feelings about (again, for personal reasons).

speaking of alyx, i definitely don't think the gnome himself is coming back but i do think that the gnome series will have something to do with hl2vrai. ever since the gnome finale theater scene with the peppa pig monologue i've assumed "the girl" that "gordon" would meet soon was alyx. i imagine she'll have some memory of the gnome series somehow, or she'll have some knowledge of the higher powers at play (like whatever the fuck gaben was talking about wrt his games being their own entities and shit) or whatever. i wouldn't be surprised if they built on that meta aspect of the gnome series and make the game of half life 2 itself its own sort of character in a way. like, the nature of the copy of half life vr that "gordon" was playing within the fiction of hlvrai was left really ambiguous. "gordon" questioned it of course and was baffled by the weird ai but eventually just came to accept it. it was only truly interrogated by coomer at the very end, and not for long. but with the trailer for hl2vrai being narrated by coomer and having such a focus on how the ais were left to rot without the player, it seems like the meta aspects of the story will come into a bit more focus. but also, maybe not. because as much as the gnome series toyed with examining the nature of the game, most of it was ultimately left ambiguous. we'll see, i guess.

those are my expectations and predictions. my hope is that it's not as cynically self-referential as the brba stream and everything surrounding it was. ultimately i don't care if benrey's not in it, i don't care if none of my predictions are true, i don't care if it's wildly different from hlvrai in every way. they'll make a high quality work of art no matter what. i just don't want it to have that same weird mild contempt for hlvrai fans that i had seen not just in the brba stream but also cropping up here and there in other streams. like, the "stay tuned and benrey will be at the end of the stream" joke was funny maybe for the first 3 times but after that it just got really tiring. i think rtvs has every right to not be happy with their fans and they don't owe us anything but that doesn't mean i have to like it when they're mean about it, y'know? it just gets old really quickly and i don't super love being the butt of the joke just for being a big fan of a series they made. shrugs.

alternate answer: i hope the sacred texts come true

#barking #answered #freakish-hazzard

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queenofcats17 · 2 years ago

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The Birthday Boy

So, I haven’t done a Tommy-focused fic for @hlvrai-twh. And I’m gonna do that now!

I'm guessing on a lot of the G stuff, so I might be proven wrong later in the blog.

Once again, here is the AO3 series.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Tommy had felt pretty bad about how Benrey had been treated during the game, and he’d fully intended to find Benrey after his birthday party to apologize for what had happened. Benrey was his friend, after all, and Tommy certainly hadn’t enjoyed having to fight his oldest friend. He could understand why Benrey had been the bad guy, what with the cutting off of Gordon’s arm and continuing to be antagonistic, but Gordon certainly hadn’t helped the situation by lashing out at Benrey. Plus, Benrey just didn’t really...get how humans worked. Gordon didn’t know that, though. From Gordon’s perspective, Benrey no doubt seemed incredibly cruel and callous.

The point was, they both had valid grievances, and Tommy hoped maybe if he could get them both to see that, they could all be friends again. Normally he wasn’t the biggest fan of having to moderate conflict, but he knew how stubborn both Benrey and Gordon could be and figured the interaction would benefit from his mediation. They both liked him, after all. They both trusted him. They would listen to what he had to say. He was sure they could talk this out and everything would be fine.

Then the swap had happened and the game reset.

And Tommy forgot everything.

At first, everything was alright. Or, as alright as things could be when he was trapped in a twisted version of his workplace. He was trapped and terrified, but at least he wasn’t alone. He had Gordon and there weren’t any monsters actively threatening to kill him at every turn. Although he didn’t remember the first run, he did feel a strange sense of relief every time he turned a corner and there wasn’t a hoard of enemies ready to jump out at him. He hadn’t even really needed the pipe he’d picked up to defend himself.

Things didn’t stay alright, though.

For starters, the man he thought was Gordon ended up losing an arm. That had terrified Tommy, as he hadn’t been sure what would happen to “Gordon”. They didn’t have access to any proper first aid kits. What if “Gordon” got an infection? What if he ended up losing too much blood? Tommy had been so scared that he was about to lose his friend. It had been such a relief when “Gordon” had eventually woken up again.

Reuniting with Coomer had been a slightly stressful experience as well, not just because Tommy had been dealing with an injured friend. Seeing Coomer had filled him with a sense of impending dread, the likes of which he’d never felt before. At the time, he hadn’t understood why he’d felt that way. He should have been happy to see Coomer. Doctor Coomer was his friend! But he hadn’t been happy. He’d been afraid, sure something bad was coming.

Perhaps that dread had come from the unconscious knowledge that this was all wrong. That they had done this dance before to a different song. Maybe he’d known, somehow, that the man with him wasn’t truly Gordon Freeman, and that Coomer did not consider this “Gordon” an ally. That knowledge surely brought up associations with the fight against Coomer’s clones. But this was all speculation. There was no way he could know for sure what the cause was.

The only thing he knew was that Doctor Coomer’s presence made him feel that something was very very wrong.

And then had come the less than tactful delivery of the truth of the situation while in the library: Benrey had stolen Gordon’s body and was trying to escape, leaving Gordon to be deleted in his place.

Having that knowledge so suddenly thrust upon him had...not been great for Tommy’s mental health. At the moment, he’d become overwhelmed by what he felt was the sheer hopelessness of the situation. He didn’t know how to help Gordon, how to fix things. He wanted to fix things. He needed to fix things. He couldn’t just let Gordon suffer like this. Gordon was his friend! But also, what would they even do if they got the chance to fix things? How did they fix this?

It was all just...so much.

There was so much he needed to juggle, so much he needed to remember and consider. They needed to get out, they needed to help Gordon, and they needed to make sure Benrey didn’t hurt them.

There was also something else that Tommy was trying very hard not to think about, but that his mind kept drifting back to.

Why had Benrey done all of this?

No one seemed to have an answer for that, and he certainly wasn’t going to ask Benrey about it.

Tommy kept coming back to that question, though. Why had Benrey done all of this? Why would he have done something so horrible to Gordon? Tommy knew Benrey! Or, at least, he’d thought he did. He’d never thought Benrey would have the capacity to do anything so heinous. If it had only been to avoid deletion, then why hadn’t Benrey come to Tommy or the others? They would have helped him. He had to know that, right? They were his friends. They wouldn’t have just let him be deleted.

So why? Why steal Gordon’s life and body? Why doom Gordon to be killed in his place?

It just...didn’t make sense to Tommy.

He also couldn’t help but feel a sort of...betrayal at all of this. Benrey had stolen Gordon’s body and was now putting all of them in danger. And for what? Just to avoid deletion? Why hadn’t he trusted them to help him?

He didn’t fully understand why Benrey had done what he had until he remembered the events of the first game. That made him feel even more angry and betrayed.

“He did all of this because- because he was mad we made him the bad guy?!” He yelled as he paced his little office. “That’s- That’s- THAT’S SO STUPID!”

Coomer simply watched from his chair as Tommy paced.

“Why didn’t he just talk to us?!” Tommy continued. “Didn’t he think about what the consequences would be?!”

“I don’t think he did,” Coomer said.

Tommy stopped, looking back at the older scientist in confusion. “What?”

“I don’t think he thought about any of it,” Coomer continued. “From what I observed, I don’t believe his thought process went beyond “I want Gordon to hurt and I don’t want to die”. I don’t think he considered what any of the consequences would be or how painful it would be for both Gordon and himself.”

Tommy was momentarily silent, then groaned and covered his face with his hands. “He’s such a fucking idiot,” he muttered darkly.

“Yes, yes he is.” Coomer agreed with a solemn nod.

When Null arrived, Tommy tried to be as friendly as he could toward him. This was still his friend, he told himself. This was still Gordon. And he needed to make sure Gordon didn’t feel lonely. Not to mention, he couldn't help but feel guilty. Both for not being able to help Gordon and for his father’s role in everything.

Having Sunkist around definitely helped. Whenever Tommy was feeling overwhelmed, all he had to do was find Sunkist and bury his face in her fur and he would feel better. Sunkist seemed to improve Null’s mood as well, so Tommy often brought her to the cave when Null was having a bad day.

“Do you think I could bring Joshua here?” Null asked one day when Tommy had brought Sunkist over.

Tommy stiffened, avoiding Null’s gaze as he stroked Sunkist’s back. “I, uh, I don’t- I don’t know, Mr. Fr- Uh, Mr. Null. Why do you ask?”

“Well, you brought Sunkist into the game,” Null said. “She’s technically just a part of your pre-programmed backstory, but you brought her here anyway. So maybe I can bring Joshua here.” He looked so hopeful it made Tommy’s heart hurt.

“Are you- Do you really think it would be a good idea to bring a kid here?” Tommy asked. “This is a pretty dangerous place.”

Null’s face fell. “That’s...a good point,” he conceded. “I just...I miss him.”

Sunkist turned her attention to Null, getting up on her hind legs to lick at his face.

“Whoa, hey!” Null laughed, gently pushing Sunkist away. “Alright! Alright! I’ll stop being sad!”

Sunkist sat down, barking out some sweetvoice.

“She doesn’t want you to stop feeling sad,” Tommy said. “She wants you to know that you’re not alone.” He reached out and put a hand on Null’s shoulder. “It’s...It’s okay if it hurts. I can’t- I can’t imagine how hard it must be to be away from your son. But you’re- you’re not alone. We’re here for you.”

He didn’t say they’d find a way to get Gordon back to Joshua. He couldn’t promise that. He didn’t know if Benrey would even come back. As much as he wanted to promise they’d find a way to let him see Joshua, he couldn’t give Gordon false hope.

Null smiled softly, putting his hand over Tommy’s. “Thanks, Tommy. I appreciate it.”

Tommy cried after he left Null’s cave. He holed himself up in his room with Sunkist and he cried.

It wasn’t fair. None of this was fair. Why did it have to be this way? They should have been able to do something to stop this. They should have been able to save Gordon. It wasn’t fair. It just wasn’t fair.

It was a day or two before Tommy visited Null again, not that time had any meaning in the game. Null didn’t comment on Tommy’s long absence, as Tommy was often gone for days at a time when he got caught up in an experiment. Tommy still felt guilty, though.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Null asked, frowning slightly.

“I...don’t think we can bring Joshua here,” Tommy said, avoiding looking at Null.

“Oh.” The disappointment was clear in Null’s voice. “Well, I guess I should have expected that.”

“I’m sorry,” Tommy said again, fiddling with his lab coat.

“It’s alright,” Null assured him. “It’s not your fault.”

And yet, Tommy couldn’t help but feel that it was. He’d failed to save Gordon. He’d failed to ensure Gordon would see his son again.

But he couldn’t tell Null any of that.

So he forced himself to smile. “Okay. Do you, uh, do you want to play fetch with Sunkist?”

Null smiled back. “Sounds good.”

Tommy didn’t talk to his father much. That had been true even before all this had happened. Or, at least, that was what his memories told him. Talking to his father could be...hard. Tommy’s father had always thought in terms of the big picture, the long term, the large scale. It meant he was almost always prepared for the worst-case scenario but fell flat when it came to the littler, more mundane problems.

Tommy had deliberately avoided his father after the game had ended. He didn’t know just how much his father had been involved in what had happened, but he still felt hurt and betrayed. He felt like, if his father had as much power as everyone said he did, he should have done something to stop this. His father should have kept this from happening, should have kept Benrey from escaping, should have kept Gordon from dying. His father, to his credit, hadn’t tried to force Tommy to talk to him, remaining outside of the map to work on Gordon’s code.

Once Gordon returned as Null, Gman simply observed, knowing the other AIs didn’t want to see him. Although he hadn’t been able to save Gordon’s passport, he had managed to salvage the photo of Joshua, which he gave to Null when Tommy asked. That request had been the most they’d talked before Benrey came back.

Tommy only went to properly talk to his father after Benrey had returned to the game. After he was sure that things were going to be alright. As he’d expected, he found his father outside the map, waiting for him.

“...Hi, Dad.”

“Hello, Tommy.” Gman nodded slightly.

Although he looked the perfect picture of calm professionalism, Tommy could tell he was somewhat nervous due to the occasional tapping of his foot. Tommy couldn’t help but feel a sort of vindictive satisfaction at this. Good, his father should be nervous.

For a moment or two, the two of them just stood there, floating in the void outside the map.

Then, Tommy asked the question that he’d been dreading the answer to, “Did Benrey learn that body-switching thing from you?”

Gman visibly flinched, turning away from his son. He didn’t even need to say anything for Tommy to know what the answer was, but he spoke anyway. “...He did.”

Tommy had predicted that would be the answer, but it didn’t make it hurt any less. He’d hoped this hadn’t been because of his father. He’d hoped Benrey had found the spell somewhere else. Deep down, though, he’d known that this all came from his father.

“Why?” He demanded, already feeling tears stinging his eyes. “Why did you teach it to him?! None of this would have happened if you hadn’t taught him that spell!”

“I know.” Gman’s voice was quiet and weary. His shoulders slumped as he continued to avoid looking at Tommy.

It only made Tommy angrier. If his father had known this would happen, then why had he done it?! Why had he given Benrey the tools to do such awful things?!

“Why did you even tell him in the first place?!” Tommy rubbed furiously at his eyes, willing the tears to stop. He couldn’t do this right now. He couldn’t break down. If he broke down, he wouldn’t be able to get any answers. “You had to know what he was going to do!”

Gman was silent for a long time before answering. “...He threatened to hurt you. I did not know if he was bluffing, but it was not a bluff I was willing to call.”

Now it was Tommy’s turn to go quiet. A part of him thought that maybe he should be happy that his father cared so much about him. Another part just felt guilty. His father wouldn’t have given Benrey the spell if he hadn’t been worried for Tommy’s safety. The one time his father hadn’t thought in terms of the big picture and it was because of him.

“Once the switch had occurred, I did what I could to save Mr. Freeman’s data and keep you safe, although my powers were severely limited as a result of Benrey’s actions,” Gman continued. “I understand that nothing I say will excuse what I did, but I...truly am sorry. I did not want this to happen”

Tommy didn’t say anything. His emotions had gone on such a roller coaster and now he just felt drained. Continuing to be angry wasn’t going to help him. There would be no fight, no tearful apology. This was the best he was going to get. His father thought through reactions and responses ahead of time. This was the response that had been decided upon and it likely wouldn’t be changed. At least he’d apologized.

Gman waited patiently for Tommy’s response.

“I...Thanks for apologizing,” Tommy finally said. “I appreciate it. I think Gordon’s the one you really need to apologize to, though.”

“I will,” Gman assured him. “Once he’s more...emotionally stable.”

Tommy let out a long exhale. “Thanks, Dad.”

Then, he turned and left.

Things were...tense after Benrey returned to the game.

By the time Benrey swapped back with Gordon, Tommy was considerably less angry with Benrey and more willing to spend time with him. He’d seen how sincerely sorry Benrey was and how much he genuinely wanted to make amends. Benrey was trying to be better, Tommy could see it. So, Tommy would come to see him and try to get him to do things other than mope.

But when Benrey had first returned...Tommy hadn’t wanted anything to do with him. He’d still been furious and hurt by Benrey’s actions, remaining cold toward Benrey every time they’d interacted. He was glad Benrey was trying to make amends, but he’d needed to be angry about everything for a while. It still really hurt. He’d thought they were friends. He’d thought Benrey trusted him. But Benrey had been willing to let all of them die just to save his own skin.

Not once did Benrey object to Tommy’s cold shoulder, a treatment Forzen and Coomer also employed, nor the open hostility showed by Bubby nor Darnold’s deliberate avoidance.

Things continued like this for a bit before Tommy finally sat Benrey down and asked all the questions that had been stewing in his mind for ages now.

Benrey had known he wasn’t going to like this conversation as soon as Tommy had grabbed his arm and dragged him to an empty room, but he hadn’t protested. Whatever was coming, he figured he deserved it.

“I want to talk,” Tommy said, turning to face Benrey after making sure to close the door.

“Okay?” Benrey stayed where he was, trying to make himself as small as possible.

“Don’t...Don’t do that,” Tommy sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I’m not- I didn’t bring you here to yell at you. I just...I have questions.”

“...Okay.” Benrey unclenched himself a little bit but remained tense and afraid.

Tommy sighed again, his shoulders slumping. “I thought we were friends, Benrey.”

It was like their conversation in the hallway all over again. Benrey probably should have expected this would come sooner or later. They’d never really finished that conversation, had they? Tommy had been avoiding him ever since that day.

“...I know.” Benrey hung his head.

“Did you really not think about how any of this would affect us?” Tommy asked.

“I just...I just wanted him to hurt like I had,” Benrey mumbled. “I didn’t wanna be bad, but he made me bad. You all made me bad. It wasn’t fair. I didn’t...I didn’t wanna think I did anything wrong.” Tears were welling up in his eyes at the memory of what he’d done, the pain and rage reflected back at him on a face that was no longer his own. “I didn’t think about what was gonna happen after. I know I did bad. I know I did. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

“I was going to apologize to you after the party, you know,” Tommy said. “I felt bad that you were the bad guy. Gordon was kind of a dick to you. But you were a dick right back. You both had valid grievances and I- I was going to make you talk it out so we could all be friends again.” Now Tommy was tearing up, all his emotions beginning to boil over. “You didn’t need to do any of this, Benrey! We could have worked it out! If you’d just told us we would’ve helped you!”

“I know, I’m sorry.” Benrey had transitioned to full-on sobbing, his arms wrapped desperately around himself as trying to bring himself some small modicum of comfort from the guilt weighing him down.

“Did you not trust us?” Benrey full-on sobbing had made Tommy start full-on sobbing now too. All his bottled-up pain and anger were spilling out now. “Did you not think we’d help you? We’re your friends!”

“I know! I wasn’t thinking about it! I’m sorry!” And he was, he truly was. He’d been sorry ever since the switch had first occurred. It was too late to back out by that point, though. And he hadn’t wanted to believe he was the bad guy. He hadn’t wanted to be bad. He couldn’t be bad.

“Why didn’t you trust us, Benrey?” Tommy demanded. “Why didn’t you trust me?” His voice broke on the last word, all the anger draining away to be replaced by raw, genuine pain. “I thought I was your friend.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I know, I’m sorry.” Benrey collapsed to the ground, covering his face with his hands, his whole body wracked with great heaving sobs.

Tommy had thought that this would bring him some form of catharsis or closure. Instead, he just felt tired. All of this made him tired. Now that the danger had passed, he so often found his emotional wells depleted. Dealing with all these emotions and conflicts was exhausting.

Tommy didn’t know how long precisely Benrey cried for. He cried a bit himself, but it was mostly little sniffles, much quieter than Benrey’s body-shaking sobs.

Finally, Benrey seemed to cry himself out, slumping back against the wall behind him. He looked especially like Gordon when he was exhausted. It was maybe slightly concerning that Tommy categorized “exhaustion” as a Gordon-like expression. He’d unpack that later.

Tommy was about to suggest they go back to the others when Benrey suddenly spoke, “Are we still friends?”

Tommy froze, halfway through kneeling to help Benrey up. How was he supposed to answer that?

Benrey, in turn, didn’t dare say anything. He didn’t want to pressure Tommy into answering.

“I don’t...I don’t know,” Tommy finally said after a painfully long silence.

Benrey visibly cringed, drawing into himself. He’d had a feeling that would be the response. It didn’t make it hurt any less.

“I...I still want to be friends,” Tommy continued. “But I...We need to work back up to where we were.”

“I understand,” Benrey mumbled, lowering his head.

“Look, let’s just...let’s go back to the others.” Tommy knelt, holding out a hand to Benrey. “We can- We can talk more about this later.”

“Okay.” Benrey sniffled, taking Tommy’s hand and allowing himself to be pulled to his feet.

It was a start, Tommy told himself as they headed back to the group. Maybe it wasn’t all fixed, but it was a start. They could get better from here.

For the first time in a while, Tommy actually believed that everything was going to be alright.

#hlvrai #fanfiction #the witch's house au

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jjcattt · 11 months ago

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so hlvrai2 is a thing now apparently. pumped this out both as an outlet to the hype, and as a callback/tribute to all the hlvrai art i did in 2020-2021. (fun fact: all the green text in the back is a reference to text in my past hlvrai art.)

notes, details, and explanations for the background text under the cut (warning: it’s kinda long)

the passport has stamps from xen and chuck e. cheese. because honestly i’m so mad nobody ever adds passport stamps to hlvrai art i mean come on guys.

and yes, the listed sex on the passport just says ‘yes’. is this saying that benrey’s biological sex is yes, or is it saying that he has sex? yes.

I don’t really know how easy it is to tell, but the faded ripped stickers on benrey’s helmet are of the non-binary and mlm pride flags.

finally, the green text references, from left to right top to bottom:

“var = everything you ever hated” is a reference to a drawing of benrey with lyrics from the song ‘are you happy?’ by bo burnham (“you’re everything you ever hated, are you happy?”)

“// love me” is a reference to art i made for the y2kvr au, with lyrics from the song ‘stalker’s tango’ by autoheart (“love me, love me, love me, love me more than you possibly can”)

“I AM GOD” is a reference to the first drawing of benrey i ever made, a postcanon au drawing of benrey standing on a cabinet while gordon tells him to get down. i don’t know why i drew it it wasn’t funny.

“> his w gonna” is a reference to the last piece of hlvrai art i drew (before this) where i got too lazy to draw the background, so i found a picture on google of the xen boss battle, which had text on it saying “I knew this was gonna happen”, but the image cropping made the text say “his w gonna”. i got made fun of for about a week in the group chat for that.

“GORDON” is a reference to probably one of the most acceptable pieces of old hlvrai art i drew, which was based on an idea i had of ‘what if benrey killed gordon in the final boss battle’, in the art benrey is reaching for the camera while yelling gordon’s name. the concept was kinda stupid but the art was good for the time.

“what do we have here.jpg” is a reference to art i drew of benrey at xen, with lyrics from the song ‘snow’ by ricky montgomery (“skeletons, skeletons, what do we have here?”)

if you look through my post history, you can still find all of these old pieces (but i don’t recommend it. seriously what was i even DOING)

#hlvrai #art #fanart #half live vr but the ai is self aware #hlvrai benrey #hlvrai fanart

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snailsdraw · 2 years ago

Note

Sorry I just need to take a minute to say HOLY SHIT YOUR COMICS ARE SO FUCKING GOOD. Like!!! They're PERFECT!! I can fucking HEAR them- a mark of good fanfic dialogue is "If you can hear it in their voice, it's really in character," and EVERY FUCKING COMIC OF YOURS, I CAN HEAR. Like you get all the little things- you get the interruptions, you get the speech patterns, you get the dumb shit in the background, like holy shit!!! Like you convey the dynamic REALLY WELL!! And like your designs oh my god your DESIGNS. THEY'RE SO GOOD. THEY'RE SO GOOD. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. I just wanna take a minute to appreciate how you draw hands specifically, it's GREAT. And there's one specific thing in your recent comic, when Benrey's walking to kill the pigeon, THE WAY HE'S INTERACTING WITH THE BACKGROUND IS. IT FEELS LIKE HE'S THERE. IDK HOW TO SAY IT I JUST. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA And your artstyle is so. It's so shaped. Holy shit the shapes. Idk how else to say it, it is so shaped.

you are very good at art and i like your things and think you're cool

HWWHWHWHWHWHWHWHWHWHWHWH YOU ARE TAKING MY HEART AND SQUEEZING IT /POS

BBBBBBBBBBBB ok, words. WORDS, snail.

I'M SO GLAD YOU LIKED THE INTERACTION DETAILS!!! I love writing notes/making mental notes on character idiosyncrasies and speech patterns and stuff (character studies fun, makes brain stupid happy), so those were really REALLY fun to write!!! The Science Team's dynamic in general is one that's a joy to explore because they're each so different, which in turn makes them fun to SHAPE!! BECAUSE SHAPE LANGUAGE!!

Also THANKS FOR NOTICING THE BACKGROUND BENREY heheh it was a small thing and you noticed anyways :")!!

HBBHBHBHBHHBHBBH the validation from this wonderful Thing you've taken the time to write!!! and send me!!! It's gonna be the Motivation Ever for so many things (in and out of HLVRAI). Thank you so much ;-;!!!

(lies down on the floor /pos)

#snail mail #WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #hlvrai #favourite #also also thanks for the hands compliment. i lub drawing hands :]

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hlvrfreakyfriday · 1 year ago

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HLVRFF: Chapter 11

Gordon was honestly a little worried he’d fucked up when Benry started sobbing again. Thankfully, though, the entity was able to speak through his tears just enough to assure Gordon he was crying in relief.

Benry really didn’t want to leave. The fact that he was going to anyway, just to try and help Gordon feel better, just further cemented that Benry really does care about him. Gordon’s kicking himself for never taking the time to really notice until now.

(He’s kicking himself for a lot of things regarding Benry, really.)

When Benry’s sobs finally calmed down to just a few quiet sniffles, the two of them got to talking.

About Gordon’s nightmares…

“Just because I have nightmares about the fight on Xen doesn’t mean I’m actually still afraid of you. I still have nightmares sometimes about that army of Coomer clones too, but I still willingly go hang out with Dr. Coomer. And like, hell, when I was a kid I had this recurring nightmare about a giant Agumon trying to eat me, even though he was one of my favorite Digimon. Dreams are just weird, y’know?”

“huh. yeah, i guess so. wait... if you had nightmares about your favorite digimon, does that mean i’m your favorite roommate~?”

“Pretty sure you’re my only roommate, Benry.”

“pretty sure you’re dodging the question, gordon.”

About Benry’s life in Black Mesa’s labs…

“i never talked about it ‘cause like, it’s all in the past. can’t do anything about it. and i’m not in the labs anymore now, so. it’s not important.”

“I, uh, kind of think it IS important? I had one of your nightmares, the one about being cut up on the exam table, so obviously that shit still affects you. Do you at least talk to Tommy about this when it’s bothering you?”

“uhhhhhhhh......”

“Dude.”

“please don’t tell tommy.”

“Oh, I’m gonna tell him if you don’t tell him yourself.”

“okay fine geeeeeez.”

About… feelings…

“Hah, you know, I’m a little surprised that you don’t actually hate me.”

“huh? why?”

“I mean... I was really shitty to you? Even before the betrayal thing, when the worst thing you did was just be annoying. I may have been stressed out of my fucking mind during all that, but I never lashed out at the other guys nearly as much as I did at you. Or, y’know. Told any of the others that I wished they were dead. Can’t... really say I blame you for getting so pissed at me, after all that...”

“uh. yeah.”

“Yyyeah. So... why don’t you hate me?”

“...i just don’t. never hated you. not even when i was big mad at you. like, anger and hatred are two different things. you’ve made me feel angry, but never actual, straight-up hate. i know i’ve said i hated you a couple times, but that was a big fat lie. even though you didn’t remember me and kept yelling at me, i was still just... happy to see you again. hear you laugh again. see your light again. i really really missed you. i didn’t wanna lose you again, especially not so soon after finally finding you."

“Benrey, I...”

“-which kinda makes all the messed up stuff i did even more messed up. which is uh, why i really wasn’t expecting you to ever forgive me. um... you do forgive me, right? i, i didn’t misunderstand that?”

“I do, yeah.”

“...even though you don’t have to?”

“I want to. The main reason I was still holding any grudges against you is because I thought you didn’t care; that you weren’t sorry about the things you did, and that it was all just... a fucking game to you or something. Knowing that you DO care, that you actually care a whole lot... It helps. Helps me feel better. Even if just a little bit. So I forgive you, because I genuinely want to.”

“.....”

“And like I said, I may not remember when we were friends as kids, but I really want to be friends again.”

“.......”

“...Oh shit are you crying again? Fuck, dude, don’t-”

“shhut th’ fuck upppppppp and just gimme hug.”

They talked for a good long while, on into the night. They had to stop eventually though, especially for Benry’s sake. All that crying and heart-pouring clearly took a lot out of the guy. When the time for sleep came, Benry hesitantly asked if Gordon would… maybe stay? Share the bed, keep the cuddles going?

And maybe Gordon was just feeling overly soft and fond after all that just happened, because he did stay.

Or, well. They actually moved from Benry’s room to Gordon’s, with his much bigger, actually-made-for-two-people bed. Gordon had forgotten just how nice it was to share a bed with someone. The warmth and presence of another body lying next to his had always been soothing for him, and he never realized just how much he missed it. It made it hard for him to actually get up when morning finally came.

It was also hard to get up due to the fact that Benry was holding onto him like he was an oversized teddybear. Which was not only restricting, but also very comfy.

Shit, no wonder Anna was always wanting to use Gordon as a pillow. His body makes a pretty great one.

From then on, if there was any remaining tension in the house, it’s definitely gone now. Gordon’s already finding himself way more patient and way less annoyed with Benry and his antics. Like, yeah, he already was before, but if his attitude about the entity these past weeks was a long way away from how it was in Black Mesa, now it’s practically light-years away.

Benry’s attitude seems to have shifted, too. He’s gotten… more genuine, if Gordon had to describe it. Letting his usual aloofness falter way more than before. He seems to be less intent on pressing all of Gordon’s buttons, too (or at least, no longer to the point that Gordon gets actually upset). They still have their back-and-forth banter, but it's got Gordon mostly laughing rather than groaning. He’s emoting more with his face, and whether that’s Benry adapting to not having his Sweet Voice, or it’s a result of their honest talk that night, Gordon’s not sure.

But it’s really nice to see.

*****

In the morning, a few days later, they get a knock on the door. Gordon's a little apprehensive about answering at first, not wanting a repeat of when Anna came by- but then again, the only other people who don’t know about all the weird alien shit in his life are Gordon’s mom and brother, and they both always call or text before visiting. So it’s probably just one of the team or a mail guy or something. Gordon goes to open the door and-

“Dr. Freemannn...”

-once again, it is neither of those.

Now, except for the few times the guy actually threatened him, Gordon’s never been that freaked out by Tommy’s weird eldritch dad. When he’s not trying to ‘convince’ Gordon of something, he just looks like your standard suit-wearing government employee.

To Gordon’s regular human eyes, anyway.

Through Benry’s eyes, Gordon can see that Mr. Coolatta lacks any of the glowing 'life energy’ patterns on his body. Benry’s body lacks those, too, but he at least has the glow in his eyes that every living creature seems to have. Mr. Coolatta’s eyes meanwhile, are just... black. Void. Nothing. In fact, it’s like there’s a whole... aura of nothingness about the not-a-man. It’s giving Gordon this horrible feeling of wrongness the longer he looks at him, but he can’t STOP looking at him, it’s like being sucked into a black hole or something, and it’s got him so on edge he feels like he-

Mr. Coolatta clears his throat. Gordon releases the death grip he didn’t know he had on the door frame.

“Uh, hey, Mr. Coolatta. I take it you’re here to help with, um, this?” Gordon says as he steps aside, allowing the older entity into the house.

“Yes. Tommy, informed me of your... predicament. That neither you, nor. Ben-rey. Know how to, fix,” Mr. Coolatta says in that weird, almost forced-sounding way he does, as he and Gordon step into the living room.

Just then, Benry pokes his borrowed head in from the hallway. His eyes light up (both figuratively, and to Gordon’s current eyes, literally) when he spies their house guest. “yooooo, thought i heard g-dad in here,” he says, strolling up to stand next to Gordon by the couch. “you gonna get our brains back in the right cases, yeah?”

There’s a very subtle look of... something distinctly negative on Mr. Coolatta’s face as Benry speaks, but Benry either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care.

Gordon however is suddenly feeling some slowly mounting concern for whether or not Benry will continue to live under his roof.

“UH,” Gordon speaks up, “if you can just, get us back in our own bodies, that’d be great. All we need you to do, really. We’re both totally fine, other than this!”

Benry gives Gordon a small confused look. Mr. Coolatta also gives him a look, but he’s not sure what exactly it’s conveying.

“Well, if we are. To do this,” Mr. Coolatta starts,” then I suggest that you. Should both, sit down for, it.”

The two younger men do so, taking seats on the couch behind them. Gordon’s about to ask what exactly Mr. Coolatta’s going to do, when a strange pulling feeling hits the back of his head.

Or, no, it’s more like in his actual brain. And it’s going very quickly from just being in the back, to all over, and from a gentle pulling feeling to a painful one. Christ, he’s never even had a migraine or concussion this bad. He wrenches his eyes shut, and throws his borrowed hands up to press against his head...

…And feels the unmistakable texture of a knit beanie that he definitely wasn’t wearing before.

Gordon opens his eyes, and the room looks so... washed out. The colours are all dull, and there aren’t as many of them, and he can’t feel them- holy shit he can’t feel them. He can’t feel colours anymore. What he does feel though is glasses on his face, and pain in his back, and long hair against his neck. He looks to his right- and there’s no one there. So he looks to his left, and there’s Benry- who ACTUALLY LOOKS like Benry.

Which of course means that he looks like himself.

Which means that they’re in their own bodies again!

Benry seems to realize this at about the same time, as his eyes widen before he suddenly bursts into cosmic song. A flurry of happy yellow, excited orange, and positive purple Sweet Voice float out through his teeth as he grins bigger than Gordon’s ever recalled seeing him.

Gordon grins too, and laughs, both at Benry’s happy display, and from his own immense relief. He yanks the beanie off his head and hands it to Benry, who puts it back in its proper place on his own head, still singing all the while. The singing only hiccups for the briefest of moments when Gordon leans over to hug his eldritch roommate, followed by an even bigger burst of colour and song as Benry hugs back.

The pair's attention is brought back to their helpful houseguest when Mr. Coolatta clears his throat again. Gordon releases Benry from the hug and turns to the older entity.

“Thank you, SO much, I can’t even begin to tell you how much I- how much we both appreciate this, man,” Gordon says. Benry’s stopped singing, but is still latched onto Gordon, burying his face in the human’s shoulder. He doesn’t say anything to Mr. Coolatta, instead just giving the guy a thumbs up.

There’s another slight facial twitch before Mr. Coolatta replies, “Yes, you’re. Very welcome. I trust that... this, won’t happen again, hmm?” he then asks, looking at Benry.

Despite not looking up, Benry seems to realize the question is directed at him. “uh, yeah. i don’t- ‘m not gonna do that again. like, ever. wasn’t fun, was really bad actually. no more botched brain hangouts. promise.”

Mr. Coolatta seems satisfied with that answer (or as much as he can be regarding Benry), as he thankfully makes no threats or insinuations about Benry’s continued status as Gordon’s roommate.

He also doesn’t make any comments about Gordon owing him anything before he leaves. Gordon wagers a guess that he can probably thank Tommy for that. Bless that man.

*****

It’s a little after lunch time when Gordon makes his way to the front door, car keys in hand. Before he gets to the door, though, he stops and turns to Benry, who’s sitting on the couch, playing a game.

“Hey, I’m going to the hardware store to pick out paint chips and figure out what colour I should repaint my room. You wanna come with?” he asks.

Pausing his game, Benry peeks over the back of the couch, spitting out a surprised little ‘huh?’ at the man. “you want me to come with?” he asks back after a moment.

Gordon nods. “Yeah. Figured you could help me pick a colour. Find one that’ll not only look good in my room, but feel good, too.”

“thought you can’t feel colours anymore?”

“Yeah, but YOU can feel them again. And I wanna make sure I don’t end up with another shitty wet sandpaper colour. Honestly, I can’t believe you never brought that up before.”

Benry remains still and silent for a bit, seemingly processing what all Gordon just said. Then, tentatively, he asks, “can we get new paint for my room, too?”

Gordon’s mouth quirks up in a slight smile. “Sure thing, bud. Get whatever colours you want.”

“helllllll yeah!” Benry whoops, punctuating it with Sweet Voice. Gordon’s small smile turns into a full-on one.

This whole fiasco may have started out incredibly shitty… but Gordon has to admit, he really likes the way things have turned out as a result of it all.

THE END

#half life vr but it's freaky friday #fic repost

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