#SORRY IM UPLOADING THIS KINDA LATE FOR A LOTTA YOU BUT I NEED TO SHOW PEOPLE NOW NOW NOW ITS SO FUN

[randomgooberness]

OKAY, WE FINALLY HAVE A PIRATE EPISODE! HERE YOU LITTLE MONSTERS GO!!! <3

Mind is written by @shineyfish

WARNINGS: violence(obviously), drug mentions, smoking, and unintentional self-harm.

They traveled through the doorway, leading them down to the rest of the railway system, which was water-logged. Aside from the few bursts of unconducted energy, the rest of the track didn't seem to be electrified. Gordon mentioned Benrey being a 'powerful asset' to the team, something that Mind was vocally against, but... He did have to admit that the thing was powerful.

They raced through the labyrinth of abandoned trackways - Literally, and Tommy won - before making their way up a ladder and to another hallway, higher up and filled to the brim with soldiers.

To which, hilariously, Mind's reaction was to start talking like a pirate.

"IF IT'S A FAIR FIGHT YER LOOKIN' FOR, THEN YE'VE COME TO THE WRONG MAN!"

Gordon, bewildered out of his skull, started cackling. 

”YEAH!?” He screamed. “GET THE- GET THE- FUCK YEAH CAPTAIN MIND GET THEM! THEY DON'T HAVE ANY SKILLS GET THEIR ASSES!” 

The encouragement only seemed to make Mind laugh with him, nailing the unlucky soldiers in the hallway.

"THE BATTLE BE A' RAGIN, TIS THE PERFECT TIME TA PLUNDER!"

He dipped into one of the side rooms, opening the boxes on the shelves in search of ammo, or anything valuable. He wasn't picky.

"It appears yer treasure be naught but a ruse, these boxes be empty!"

Gordon wheezed. 

“BULLSHIT. WHERE'S OUR TREASURE.” He cackled. “CAPTAIN MIND, WHAT DO WE DO!?!” 

“Loot the bodies,” Benrey said, making Gordon choke laughing. 

“GET THEIR GUNS!”

"PLUNDER THE LOT A' THEM! SEIZE THE ARTILL'RY!"

Mind cackled, spinning his gun in his hand before shooting a bootboy. That was just showing off.

"YE CALL YERSELVES MARINES, BUT MARINERS I DINNAE SEE NONE! YER A BUNCH A' COWARDS AN' DEADWEIGHT!"

Gordon wheezed again. 

“MAKE THEM FUCKIN- what is it- MAKE THEM WALK THE PLANK!!!” He laughed, following behind him. “Dude you need like, a cool eyepatch or something.”

"AYE, A' DO!"

Mind smiled back at Gordon, looking Genuinely happy.

"Although, a' dinnae want a hook fer a hand. That can be yer thing!" 

The power absolutely going to his head, he pointed ahead with his gun.

"COMPANY, LETS SHOW THESE LANDLUBBERS TA FEAR TH' WAVES!"

“HOW AM I GONNA SHOOT WITH A HOOK HAND- wait actually hold on I got it-“ 

He took out his crowbar, grinning as he held it tight, and raced into battle alongside Mind. 

“YAAAAARG!”

"YAAHAHAHAHAAAARRGG!"

Making good on his word, Mind looted almost every soldier's body that they came across, taking no prisoners.

"Tis but a shame, we be without our mechanical longboat! Would have made this voyage easier. Alas, tis no issue!"

"OUR WH- oh a train? YEAH. OUR UH. SHIP- I'm not good at this- let's- OH SHIT- YARG!" Gordon straight up brained a soldier he found in a room, and walked inside, spotting a security officer. "OH, THERE'S A GUY IN HERE!"

Mind snorted at Gordon not understanding the pirate talk, punching him in the shoulder about it before turning to the guard. 

"AHOY THERE SQUIRE, WHAT SAY YE TA JOINING OUR CREW? I'LL GIVE YE A CUT A' ANY LOOT WE TAKE!"

The guard didn't react to the pirate voice, staring ahead at the two.

"Okay, why not.”

“Y-”

“Didn't want to die alone anyway."

Mind threw his hands in the air.

"YAAAAR! THAT BE THE SPIRIT! LET US CHARGE FORTH AND PAINT THE WALLS RED WITH BLOOD!"

Gordon started laughing so hard that he went into a coughing fit. 

"LH- HHHVKKHCKLLETSSSGOOO! LETSSSGO!!!!!" He cried, stumbling to follow Mind out. 

"C-Captain Mind!! There's- there are more soldiers on the port bow!" Tommy shouted, pointing at more soldiers approaching. 

Captain Mind yelled as he rushed the soldiers, firing at them as he did. When he got close enough he ran out of bullets, and in a slight panic used the butt of the gun to knock one of them out.

He didn't expect everyone to go along with the pirate bit if he was being honest! He had to admit though he was a fan of the captain role. He should be the leader of these guys.

Gordon shot the knocked-out soldier right between the eyes. Meanwhile, the guard didn't take cover as he shot at soldiers in the distance. 

As the bullets flew past, Mind fired back, yelling at the guard.

"GET DOWN, LAD, TAKE COVER!"

The guard did not get down or take cover and rag-dolled on the floor shortly after, the bullet hitting them in the shoulder.

Mind watched it happen with wide eyes.

"WELL WHAT USE ARE YE TAE US NOW?"

Gordon broke into cackling. It was a little stressed, but to be fair- that was extremely funny. 

”WHY DID HE DO THAT!? WHY DID- ok lets- let's keep going- we shoul- actually, any idea, Captain??”

Mind paused for a second, smiling as he assesed the area, before pointing towards one of the rooms with his gun.

"Avast, an unchecked room. Could harbour mariners, brace yerself lad!"

His throat was starting to kill him a bit. He usually didn't commit to the pirate thing for this long, but he was having a great time and nobody could stop him.

"Gotcha- ready- or uh- aye-aye? Is that- READY!" Gordon cocked his gun and gave Mind a dumb smile.

"Lets unload hot piratey death!" Bubby cheered.

His crew was full of idiots. Laughing, Mind charged on ahead.

"THEM WHO DIE BE THE LUCKY ONES, AND THAR BE PLENTY O' LUCK GOIN ROUND TODAY!"

Inside the room was three soldiers, two of which were mowed down immediately, and the last one sat in one of the chairs, seemingly unaffected by the gunfire.

"ARISE, YE LANDLUBBING SCURR, AN' FACE YER DEATH LIKE A MAN!"

Mind had his gun raised to him, but the soldier did not rise, face scrunching up at the group.

"No, I don't feel like it."

"GET UP-! GET UP, ASSHOLE!" Gordon screamed at him, running and kicking the chair over.

Miraculously, the soldier managed to stay in the chair, unfazed. Mind shot nearby the soldier's head, an incredulous laugh escaping him. Wwwhatthefuck.

"STOPPP."

Gordon started laughing so hard he turned around and left the room, before walking back in. 

"Get up!" He barked again, taking out his SMG. "GET UP, ASSHOLE!"

"Leave me aloooone!"

Mind was starting to lose it, what was with this guy?? 

"IGNORANCE CANNAE SAVE YE NOW, MATEY, DO AS HE SAYS!"

Confusion may have been apparent, but the pirate voice was unwavering.

A stray shot to the chair broke it completely, and the soldier was forced to stand, taking out his gun, but still acting as if the threat was just a minor inconvenience.

"You wanna stop- you wanna stop please?"

"WHAT- what are our chairs made out of!?" Gordon choked. "GUN ON THE GROUND, BUDDY. SET IT DOWN, NOW. I'LL BLOW YOUR FUCKING SKULL OUT, DON'T TEST ME-"

"God, you're so annoying."

Eyes shifting to the door for a split second, the soldier dashed out, pushing past Mind and Gordon as he did so.

"HEY, WHERE D'YE THINK YER GOIN?"

Without considering the possibility of a trap, which was strange for him, Mind ran after him.

"Come the FUCK on are you kidding me!" Gordon shouted at no one in particular, moreso the situation as he raced after them both- shooting rapidly. 

Once the soldier darted out of sight, Gordon sighed, holding a hand up. 

"STOP! Stop- we lost him." He looked to another dead soldier on the ground, noticing a lit cigar in his mouth.

Mind leaned over the railing, trying to spot where the guy went.

"Alas, he's slipperier than a fish out o' water."

He coughed, cringing slightly. 

Turning to face the rest of the team, he gave them a smile.

"No a venture that we cannae take on! We'll find th' landlubbin' scurr if 's the last thing we do."

Gordon laughed a bit. 

“Is the voice starting to hurt??”

"No."

Yes, but he wasn't going to be defeated that easily.

"Just a tad scratchy on the ol' throat."

“Alright,” Gordon rolled his eyes a little, chuckling, before bending over and picking up the cigar from the dead body. “Wait, hold on,” 

He contemplated it for a moment, standing up, before taking a drag from it. 

“Thats disgusting.” Bubby said.

Mind looked at him for a second.

Gross. You don't know where that's been. Sir. 

It felt weird to see the man smoke, he just... Didn't seem like the type. Sure, Mind himself didn't smoke often, but he's been around enough smokers.

"... D'ye usually smoke? Ye didnae have th face fer it."

Gordon took in a really, really long drag. 

“Y’gotta look good when you’re killing-“ He choked, before breaking into a massive coughing fit. 

Mind snorted. Idiot.

"Ah, I ken now. Yer a professional. Best smoker in th' world."

“Smoking is a terrible habit!” Bubby snapped. Gordon paused, blinking, and dropped the cigar on the ground, stomping at it and pointing at Dr. Coomer with extreme fury. 

”THIS ONE DRANK PISS!”

"That disnae give ye cancer."

Not helping.

“Not helping.” Gordon sighed. “Lets keep going. C’mon, captain.”

With another cough, Mind walked ahead of the group.

"Fuck-, Thar be another passage way, anchors away crew!"

The cough made Gordon cackle. 

“Bro! Stop doing it if it hurts! If you lose your voice I’m making fun of you.” He wheezed, following.

Mind went to argue, keeping to the wall as shots fired at them, before coughing violently, behind cover.

"hhghbbbb. Thaaat's enough of that. I have about 20 more years of whiskey drinking before my voice sounds like that naturally."

He covered his mouth for a second, catching his breath.

"Do we still have problems?"

He looked out from the cover and gunfire shot past him immediately.

"We still have problems."

Gordon laughed, finding immense joy in Minds antics. 

“Uh, well, we could send Benrey out, maybe- I haven’t seen him, though.”

Mind didn't look at him, but he did pause.

"... Knowing our luck, he'd either join them or just stand there like an idiot."

He made a small noise of consideration.

"This sounds like a job for Ambassador Pineapple!" He took out a grenade, "You'll be representing us on the floor, now go out there and work your magic!"

After throwing it at the problem, there was a couple seconds more of gunfire, an explosion, then silence. The entire time, Mind was twirling the pin in his hand.

"... And it sounds like we've come to a resolution!"

He ducked out of the cover.

"Testing, one two, testing... Well, I'm glad everything worked out."

“Ambassador Pineapple??” Gordon wheezed, following him out from under cover. 

“G’oh, I miss him every day!” Dr. Coomer nodded. Bubby followed as well. 

“I agree with everything he said.” 

“I-It’s always good to have peaceful conver- conversations!” Tommy added, pointing his gun thoughtlessly.

Mind nodded.

"Ambassador Pineapple."

He did not explain further, exploring over the room.

"Everyone that matters is here and accounted for, so let's move on. This room wasn't heavily guarded for no reason, I refuse to..."

Ahead on the wall was a spray painted sign that read "Surrender Freemen". Normally, Mind would just pass it off as the education of the military, but...

Freemen.

Free men.

They knew.

He swallowed, staring at it.

Gordon was walking by it, completely unaware, until he noticed Mind staring. 

“Whatcha lookin’ at, bud?” He asked brightly, walking over, before pausing as his eyes scanned the words over. “…ah.” 

“…What the fuck? You cant graffiti, that’s against the law,” Bubby, who was graffiting an hour earlier, said. “They even spelled it wrong! Blasted military education.” 

“Haha, yeah.” Gordon chuckled a little, though his expression wore the feeling of swallowing fire and being doused in ice. “Yeah they’re…stupid.”

Mind blinked a couple times, analysing Gordon's demeanor change.

... The fuck is that about?

He knew. He had to know, there was "no way he doesn't, I mean," the thing said free men. He needed to know that "means both of us." 

He wrung out his hands, glancing between the sign and Gordon.

"No... No, he doesn't." They'd been through this, if Gordon knew, then he was "damn good at hiding it. Nobody can hide shit that well" without dropping too many clues.

I can trust him. "I have to."

He picked at his face, staring back at the sign.

His thoughts felt... Overlapping, repeating over themselves and crashing against his skull like waves. A slurry of He Knows, They Know, They All Know, it was difficult to hear much else.

He took a shaky breath.

"The morphine must be wearing off."

"...I don't think you should get another dose until tomorrow, man." Gordon muttered. "Are...you okay? It...is there something I don't...know? About this?"

He took a second, looking at the grafitti again, and then back to Mind, tilting his head, eyes full of the same emotion as before, and now worry. 

"...You're talking to yourself again."

"I... Am I?"

Fuck.

He picked at the scars on his face, glancing away. 

"No, it's... It's fine, man."

He couldn't look at Gordon. 

He didn’t know. He didn’t know. He didn’t know. It was just "my brain being a dick to me," which was why he needed the fucking morphine.

God he hated this. He needed to "get this talking to myself shit under control, fast."

Taking out his gun, counted over the ammo, trying to focus on anything else.

"Let's... Go, let's go."

"Alright." Gordon huffed, following him. "...N'don't pick at your face, man. Our gloves are probably filthy."