#benkaben

[projectjasper]

Hello! ♾️! 👀✨!

heyyyyy 🥰✨️ [twirls]

-----

well i think I'm allergic to your bullshit and your cat

put a "∞" in my ask box and I'll shuffle my music player and give you my favorite lyric from the song that comes up.

[forcebook]

You DON'T have more than 5k followers?? HOW!

My guess IS 2500~ btw <3 🫴💙✨

i mean….. if we all collectively imagine that i have 5k+ followers then i might as well have!! nobody can stop us or prove us wrong. except tumblr but i don’t think they will asdfghjkl

thank you, beloved!!!!! that’s very kind of you!! 💕💕💕

[rigb0ner]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! 💙​✨​💙​✨​💙 ✨ 💙 ✨

[thisautistic]

Can I request beloved SCOY? Something soft and sweet, if you'd like to :D

[almayver]

TU PINGÜINITOOOO... OHHHH 🥺🫴💙✨

El dibujo de Junior deprimido y desilusionado con la vida de humano me llegó al alma que puedo decir. 🖤

[glaciem-draco]

Thank you, I was hoping someone would make this reference!

… let's hope it stays at the 'hot' part by the ending?

I don't even go there but why does it seem like (each episode) if they are happy at all, it's only for about ... 5 minutes give or take?

[bengiyo]

Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo: We Are So Fucking Back

I am glad that we are all having a normal one in reaction to Hwang Da Seul's latest project (@chicademartinica, @dropthedemiurge, @shortpplfedup, @lurkingshan). I'm still meditating on the whole affair, but for now want to get into how Hwang Da Seul feels so compassionate to closeted men, and how I also am stuck on the removal of the cross (@my-rose-tinted-glasses).

Shan already linked back to The Knowing, and I keep thinking about how rare it is to see two boys who've already come to an understanding of themselves meeting each other, and also including a bully who knows himself. What stands out for me with Hwang Da Seul is how old the pains weighing on her characters feel each time.

Dohee has suffered the abuse of his father, abandonment of his mother, and dissolution of his closest friendship, and he's just pushing through to leave all of this. His pain is obvious and lived in. He doesn't have to sit around moping exclusively about how he feels, because it's ever present. Like anyone else living with chronic pain, you just have to do stuff while hurting a lot of the time.

Juyeong is so fascinating to me because his exuberance and passion makes it almost impossible to hide who he is, and I will always be a sucker for the characters who love so loudly that you can't turn it off. I also keep thinking about how he has been communicating his attraction through his eyes so often, and how he's made desire known through all of his careful flirting.

The building romance between them hits for me most because they're paying attention to each other. Dohee made food that he realized Juyeong would like, is careful about hurting him in their sparring matches, and went for the ice cream that Juyeong said he wanted. Juyeong heard Dohee say he wanted to see snow, and so he made snow for him!

Now, back to that cross. Rose's post and one @benkaben posted have been rattling around in my head for hours. We know that Juyeong's mom is a pastor, and that he's being sent here as essentially conversion therapy (as Shan already pointed out). It's not just that he takes the cross off before confessing, which clearly shows that he's setting everything associated with that aside. It's that he's also confessing through a wall. It's such a small detail in how you can set aside the weight of responsibility and guilt associated with your queerness, but you don't lose the cultural touchstones: for some Christians (I was raised Catholic) you confess your signs through a mild layer of anonymity by putting some sort of wall or separation between you and the priest. There's something so subversive about having Juyeong set down his cross but still confess his feelings like a Christian.

I am also curious where Hyeonho will feature in the rest of this story. It's clear that he and Dohee felt something between each other at some point, and that Hyeonho ran from it. He doesn't want Dohee to get hurt too badly, and he's observing the growing relationship between Dohee and Juyeong. I'm so happy this character exists, because it gives us three characters struggling with the pressures on them to be a certain way. If we had to have a character who will make ugly choices around that, it helps for it not to be part of the main pair, and it also shows that these boys have not been the only queers around that they knew of.

Finally, let me just thank Hwang Da Seul for not being precious about the kissing. I like that their first proper kiss was their second kiss, and I like that it was awkward. I loved them false starting multiple times, trying to make sure they weren't observed too closely (considering their history), and I like that they built back to it. I know that kissing early means we're in for much pain, but it's so nice to have a show not dance around the kissing, or have it be especially mild. I like when two boys like each other and go for it.

I'm so happy that Hwang Da Seul is back. Every time I watch her shows I feel like I'm talking to someone who understands what the inside of the closet looks and feels like. I always feel seen by her in a way that feels gentle. She lets me remember how scary and ugly all of that was without it being a triggering or jarring experience. Peak drama season is upon us, because we're also about to get Love in the Big City in just three days. See you all on the other side.

[respectthepetty]

Gosh I’m so curious about your insight into why Juyeong removed his cross again in episode 6 and how Dohoe noticed it and became upset. I am so confused

IT'S ABOUT GOD!

Okay, gather 'round, you heathens (affectionately)! Let me school you in religious righteousness and shame.

Although I questioned if what Ju Yeong wore was a cross,

If it is a cross, Ju Yeong took it off BEFORE he confessed to Do Hoe.

He was using that moment to confess not only his love for Do Hoe, but also his sin.

So now, act like you were raised in a super religious family and truly believe that Jesus Christ is your Lord and savior who died horribly on the cross, so YOU could get into heaven one day.

That's right! God sacrificed his only son, so YOU wouldn't have to go to hell.

It's a heavy cross to bear, the weight of knowing someone died for your sins. Someone scarified their child, so you could have eternal happiness. God condemned his only son to be executed for you.

However, the catch is that you cannot sin in order to get into heaven.

You have to obey your parents.

You can't commit murder.

You can't idolize anyone above God for there is only one God, and he willingly allowed his son to be killed FOR YOU!

Oh, and you cannot lie because that's a slippy slope to hell.

So, once again, imagine you are that boy who wears a cross necklace and truly believes you will go to hell for your sins, so when you confess to the boy you like, you take off the necklace, because God should not bear witness to this offense.

But then, you sacrifice your body for that boy to be happy. You also take care of that boy's father to make up for the sin. You become the prodigal son, so the boy you like can live in eternal happiness even if it's without you.

And you keep wearing the cross, so God is with you in all you do and He will see the good in your heart.

God is with you always, in everything you do because the necklace is always on as a reminder of the one time you liked a boy and almost sent both of you to an earthly and eternal hell.

But the thing is, we know Ju Yeong takes the necklace off, and so does Do Hoe.

So how must that feel to Do Hoe to know that Ju Yeong removes his necklace when he is with him? How must that come across? Probably as if Ju Yeong carries shame about Do Hoe, or specifically about their relationship with each other and that Ju Yeong does not see what is between them as godly, but rather sinful, shameful, and even more, wrong.

When Do Hoe told the truth about the night of the incident, he looked at Ju Yeong's neck.

And it could come across as sexual, like he wants to kiss or touch Ju Yeong after such a brutally honest moment or when it's snowing, but in the context of the argument, that is an odd time to fantasize about wanting someone in such a sexual way.

But it's because Do Hoe is looking for the necklace. And it's there.

Ju Yeong had it on the first time he kissed Do Hoe, but he didn't wear it when they kissed in the van nor during their first time, so Do Hoe is checking to see if it's okay to kiss him now, with the necklace on.

Because if the necklace is off, he knows Ju Yeong will allow himself to be selfish, abandon God, and accept the sin.

But that has to be a fucking awful feeling, no?

To believe that you, a person who probably lied about your schooling and now sit in a fancy apartment with your nice car and cushy job because of that lie, are in love with a man who is so morally righteous that even your relationship with him is so sinful that he has to take off his cross and forsake God to be near you.

Once again, Ju Yeong could not be wearing a cross, but imagine being a liar in love with a saint.

Hell, I'd hate myself too.

@heretherebedork, @benkaben, @chicademartinica, @anxiouswannabe90skid

[italianpersonwithashippersheart]

@benkaben

December 7, 2024 | Cooheart

[lurkingshan]

Spare Me Your Mercy, Love in the Big City, and the Trap of Pursuing Mainstream Popularity for Queer Art

I read this excellent post by @waitmyturtles yesterday tackling the frustrating failures of Spare Me Your Mercy, a show that was one of my most anticipated of the year, but that ended up so lost in its own confusing blend of sauces that I didn't even finish it. I appreciated her clarity that despite the show receiving strong ratings and finding popularity with the mainstream domestic audience, that doesn't actually make it a success as a piece of narrative storytelling. And if anything, its popularity underlines why it was a failure as a queer narrative, in particular.

Because here's the thing about great queer art—it's almost never popular with mainstream audiences, especially in socially conservative countries. High quality, well-executed, honest and authentic queer art is more likely to be protested than celebrated in places where real queer people are not safe to live free lives. For an illustration of this, look no further than another highly anticipated queer drama of this year in Love in the Big City. Easily the queerest show to ever get made and aired on Korean television, it drew major protests before it even started, forcing the production to release it quickly in one go to ensure it would reach audiences. And why were those conservative groups so afraid of this little old drama? Because even just in its trailer and promotional materials, it was clear this was no sanitized, G-rated drama created to make gay people seem more palatable to the masses (unlike the film version with the same name, which not coincidentally has been much more warmly received by the Korean media establishment). This show was real, and raw, and QUEER in a way that terrified those bigots, because they know one of the most important ways the oppressed can advocate for themselves is by demonstrating their humanity through art. 

Which brings me back to turtles’ post, and the importance of separating the concerns of art and commerce when discussing the different ways media can succeed. This is something I had some good dialogue about with @biochemjess @pharawee @clairedaring @flowerbeasblog and turtles (and even more of you in the tags) when I was still watching and posting about Spare Me Your Mercy. I originally posted to unpack why the show was flopping narratively, which turned into a discussion of the fact that it was getting good ratings from the domestic audience despite this. And while I appreciated understanding how the show is landing with its priority audience, for me, it’s very important to keep a distinction between these two different kinds of success. Especially in discussions of queer art, and especially for a show whose creators explicitly said they were intentionally downplaying the queer romance part of the queer romance ( @benkaben) to avoid “distracting” from their other messaging goals. 

The important thing to keep in mind is that for queer stories, when they are popular with a mainstream audience it’s often because they are stripping any authenticity from the representation of queer people. Turtles addressed this well in her review of 2gether when she posited that part of the reason it was such a phenomenon in conservative Asian countries (aside from the timing of its release in the early days of the global pandemic), was because its presentation of queerness was mostly unrecognizable to real queer people, stripped of any true notion of queer sexuality or the realities of homophobia. Compare the reception of The Miracle of Teddy Bear—a show that absolutely refused to make its central queer character palatable for a mainstream audience, because the fact that he wasn’t palatable was the point—to that of Spare Me Your Mercy, a show whose creators chose to censor their own story. The ugly truth is that when we’re talking about queer dramas, the best and most vital shows are pretty much anathema to mainstream ratings success.

The impulse to pursue mainstream popularity and commercial success for queer art inevitably leads to watering down queer stories ( @twig-tea) to make them more light, comfortable and familiar to a majority heterosexual and socially conservative audience. And yes, of course, some degree of commercial success is necessary for queer art to get made in the first place. This is how the Thai BL market took off, by recognizing that there was an audience beyond queer people who were open to watching stories about boys falling in love, as long as it didn’t get too real. But there is a careful line to walk here, and it’s so important not to confuse popularity with artistic merit. Queer people won’t win liberation by self-censoring queer media to make it more palatable for mainstream audiences. We win when we make queer art so good and so honest that the mainstream is forced to acknowledge it. We win by challenging the mainstream perspective on queer people and how they should behave, not by catering to it. As @bengiyo said in a completely different discourse, the question is not whether the audience can love queer characters whose actual queerness is suppressed for their comfort. That kind of respectability politics is old hat and it never fucking gets us anywhere. The real question he posed is this: “Do you love us when we’re ugly, when we’re sick, when we’re old, when we’re being mean or catty?”

Which is why a show like Love in the Big City ultimately won by being so excellent, and so true, and so undeniable, that it broke through with audiences around the world and achieved some measure of recognition in spite of how very unpalatable it was to its domestic audience. Unlike Spare Me Your Mercy, this show did not get amazing domestic ratings, but its message was heard far beyond those who watched it on Korean television. And that is the point. Making authentic art that advances the struggle of queer people and making nominally queer art that can achieve mainstream popularity are completely different pursuits, and we must keep that in mind when we discuss whether and how these shows succeeded or failed. And while both must exist in a healthy media ecosystem, one will always be more vital for the survival of queer people than the other. 

[i-got-the-feels]

Fadel, they are the snitches / I love you, Style. It's nice to have to miss someone.

- Episode 6, The Heart Killers, 2024

Dedicating this set to @benkaben because their tags made me laugh after crying through the entire episode

[heretherebedork]

Saw @benkaben tag a post with this in it and had a vision.

[littleragondin]

Favorite QL Characters of 2024

I got tagged by @lurkingshan and @bengiyo thank you both! I have watched very few QL this year compared to what came out, finished even fewer, but I still got some lovely favorites ♡

Nomoto Yuki - Tsukuritai onna to tabetai onna

I love the whole cast dearly, but Nomoto is one of my all time favorite ♡

Aoyagi Hajime - BL drama no shuen ni narimashita: crank up hen

He started my year with a bang, and I am so excited to get him back!

Tae Myungha - Love for love's sake

Not enough words for how hard i love him, truly.

Ishida Tomoya - Mitsuya sensei no keikakutekina ezuka

Everyone in this show was wonderful, but I especially adored Ishida and his journey.

Shiba Ryoma - Doku koi: doku ko sugireba koi to naru

#1 in the Best Plant Dad category.

Kurosawa Musashi - Ossan's Love Returns

I have not yet seen the original series, but I loved him so much in this one! (Contender in the "wildest in law" category).

And two recent addition to the list!

Junior - Caged Again

Like many, I do adore this sassy, fashion-forward little penguin.

Yang Zixiang - See your love

I don't care if he is a bit cliché, i just find him too charmingly adorable to not put him on the list.

I am not sure who did it yet, so if you haven't and feel inclined i will tag @iguessitsjustme @heretherebedork @petrichoraline @fandomfairyuniverse @benkaben and @troubled-mind -☆

[slayerkitty]

BL Superlatives 2024

I knew I wanted to do a post for this, so I put out a request the last few days for people to put a few suggestions in my ask. I also asked some besties discord for suggestions as well.

Best Performance by a Road (submitted by @lurkingshan): Shan. The journey I went through when I read this. You don't know. I started giggling and I haven't stopped. Because first I was like... "by a Road?" and Road is capitalized. And I thought, did you mean OffRoad? And then I thought, no, surely they meant like... two characters having a moment on a road. Then I thought wait - do they mean like... THE ACTUAL ROAD? And I honestly couldn't decide which way I wanted to answer this, hence the giggling.

So.

You get all three, LMAO.

Best OffRoad Performance: Vee, Century of Love

Vee screaming in the stairwell at the news his grandma was going to die soon? I had chills. OffRoad let out a scream so guttural that I actually started crying and got goose bumps. I don't think this is that moment, but it's close enough.

Best Performance by a road: Shirasaki and Hayama from 25 Ji, Akasaka de (At 25:00 in Akasaka).

Hayama running after Shirasaki and them working out their miscommunication and confessing their feelings was peak BL for me this year.

Best Performance by a Road: The Hallows, Pit Babe.

This racetrack saw so much! Racing, accidents, sabotage, sex. This is one busy stretch of road.

Most daring plot? (Submitted by @toastofthetrashfire): 4 Minutes

The plot of 4 Minutes is kind of insane, where the bulk of the show takes plays during Great's "four minutes" - a period of time where his brain is lacking oxygen before he dies. It's wild. It's complicated. It's riveting.

Best Hallucinogenic Moment: Caged Again

Junior rings a gong and triggers some kind of hallucination for him and Sun, where they have a super important conversation about the state of their humanity and their hallucination is DEMONSTRATED AS A CARTOON in which they are their penguin and panther forms. It's as unhinged as it sounds and yet it was the most adorable hallucination I have ever seen. This show consistently delivers within it's premise even when it goes in unexpected ways.

Best Use of an Honorific: Jane, The Trainee

Jane wanted Ryan to tell him why Ryan was angry and switched his honorific from Khun to Phi. I actually caught this by ear myself at the time, without the subs, so my reaction was Ryan's reaction, about to lose our goddamn minds. And then Ryan wanting to use Phi for Jane from then on? I was so absolutely gone with them.

Show That Made Me Unhinged: Dead Friend Forever

This show. THIS SHOW. It hooked me with it's slasher premise. I called it "8 Stupid Teens in a Cabin" (affectionate). This show absolutely locked in it's chokehold with episode five and the flashbacks as we started to learn what actually happened to Non. I made meta round up posts (there are four of them) which I updated twice a week (I had help from @toastofthetrashfire) and absolutely did not spend hours analyzing things like back pack colors and school insignias. Needless to say, so much fun was had.

Cutest Animal Cameo (submitted by @toastofthetrashfire): Moo Deng, Caged Again

Moo Deng has long been ready for her TV debut and Caged Again was the first to step up.

Best Use of an Unexpected Prop (submitted by @benkaben): Clothes Pin, The Heart Killers

Presented without explanation, lmao.

Most Jaw-Dropping ZeeNunew Moment (Submitted by @toastofthetrashfire): THE BEHIND THE FAN KISS ON STAGE.

Best Smile That Can Knock You Out Cold (submitted by @tankhunmybeloved): Because you asked for it, lmao.

[twig-tea]

2024 Tumblr Top 10

tagged by @lurkingshan here and @neuroticbookworm here, thank you both! This really reminds me that I need to do a real pinned post at some point.

If you want to generate your own, you can use this link! I used the link to find the posts but wrote this below because I thought reflecting on the posts would be fun.

My GL rec list (covering everything through to Feb 2024), which I'm very happy about taking first place. If you want GL recs, check that out first, and then feel free to browse my #GL recs tag.

The admittedly shady post from October calling out the director of the Addicted Heroin Thailand adaptation for (a)making weird choices and (b)defending them as artistic. But I stand by my anger about this. Censorship is not an aesthetic!

The non-novel-spoilery reaction post to episodes 1 & 2 of Love In The Big City which was also from October, but which honestly stands up for my reaction to the whole series. What a gift of a show.

A quick pitch for Akaya is in Love with Hiroko from July. This one hurts! I was so ready to cheerlead for this show and did several times, but the penultimate episode made me wary and the finale really upset me, to the point where I didn't end up writing about the finale, so I'll take the chance here: Don't make a show about two self-aware lesbians, one who has been comfortably sexually active for years and one who is super horny for her, and have them get together as adults and yet be celibate for a year out of "respect". Is the message that sex between consenting and enthusiastic adults is not respectful?! GTFO. For the record I can be respected with orgasms, thank you.

The episode celebrating the messaging in the finale of Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo from November. Glad that this is here between the previous entry and the next two, because this is a good balm for the pain. LFtCoT landed the ending and gave us all a giant hug while doing it!

The list of things I was thinking about at the end of Wandee Goodday ep3 from May. Another disappointment for me. The things this post shouts out are still things I like about this show, and reading it again is a reminder of where the back half let the first half down (not taking seriously some of the things we were told to take seriously in the first few episodes).

An early post about Love Is Better the Second Time Around from March. Another show that did not land everything, in this case because it felt like it tried to shove in a complicated conflict in the last two episodes that they didn't have time to handle. But I still love those early episodes and all of the interplay between Miyata, Iwanaga, and Shiraishi.

My clown theory for Every You, Every Me also from October, which ended up being correct! I've never been more happy to be right, I liked this reveal for the show so much.

In February I wrote this thesis about the state of Thai BL looking at data from 2022 and 2023, which I have been meaning to go back and update since I think Shan as usual was feeling the start of the wave and we needed more data to see the change actually play out in 2024. I now no longer feel (as I did in this post) that things haven't changed, I do think they have this year. But I need to crunch the numbers again to prove it to myself (and everyone else) though. Stay tuned!

In July I did a round-up post about the various theories surrounding Century of Love, and whether Vee and Vad were the same person. Turns out San did wrestle with this as I'd hoped but the show itself felt like it lost steam and copped out around this, unfortunately. At least we'll always have fox demon Offroad and grumpy old man Daou's collarbones thanks to this show.

Special shout-out to @lurkingshan because two of the posts above are answers to asks she put in my inbox that spawned project posts. Shan knows what the people want to hear!

Tagging @italianpersonwithashippersheart @benkaben @ellsieee @colourme-feral @pigglepiephi @impala124 no pressure tags and apologies if you've been tagged already!

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

Rose Recaps QL 2024 - Favourite Friendships

Now that the xmas madness is mostly behind me I'm getting back to this, once again taking @abstractelysium lead with their prompts.

Peak, Latte, Thanwa & Almond - Knock Knock, Boys

They really brought me back to my time sharing a house with friends.

Fueng & Krom - City of Stars

Probably my favourite part about this show.

Ai & Ing - I Saw You In My Dream

Friends that actually confided in each other. About everything. Rarer than you'd think, so it was very refreshing to see it.

Kang & Neth - Only Boo

I love her. The type of bestie we all need. Supportive but also will tell you when you're being an idiot.

Ryan, Pie, Pah, Bahmee & Tae - The Trainee

I really enjoyed seeing these bonds be formed and the friendships grow.

Achi & Jinta - Cherry Magic Thailand

I loved how much they used telepathy to communicate in this version.

Yai & Tharn - The Sign

Yai is just the best bestie.

Venice & Archie - Marahuyo Project

Several good friendships in this show but this one just touched me deeply.

Kasuga, Nomoto, Yako & Nagumo - She Loves to Cook, She Loves to Eat

I love them. All four together but also, Yako with all of them individually.

Once again I'm gonna tag some people so I can see other people's faves. As usual, no pressure. @lurkingshan@he-is-lightning-in-a-bottle @benkaben @mikuni14 @btsstarseeds @sunshinechay also if you see this and want to play consider yourself tagged and tag me. 💜