#benji rants

[benjamindisco]

Okay. Huge Guild Wars 2 rant.

I love GW2. I was in the beta test. 3 of my characters are turning 12 real life years old this month. I have played this game for 4,310 hours (or 179.58 DAYS) of my human life. I stopped playing for a bit in the early years, but then came back with a vengeance right around the time Path of Fire was released.

I think it's a good game!!!

I loved the base game. Looking back on it now, and trying to get friends into it later, it was a bit clunky. But it was a new MMO, almost completely different from the original Guild Wars. They needed time to fine tune what they had. I mostly missed Living World Season 1, but LW2 was still very similar to the base game.

With the first expansion, Heart of Thorns, things started to change. They moved away from dungeons, they added new movement options with gliding (no more having to run around cliffs), and overall changed the feel of the game. There were still some issues (I still have trouble navigating Tangled Depths, haha), but the game was finding its stride.

LW3 was excellent. The maps are all so unique, the story more and more engaging with every release. I cannot stress how unique and amazing each map is in LW3!! They put so much care into those maps, which I think is exemplified by the extra long jumping puzzles in Ember Bay and Siren's landing. They didn't have to have such incredibly in depth puzzles showing parts of the maps we never had to see. But so much love and care and attention went into creating all of this.

Which leads to Path of Fire. To me, this is peak GW2. The most beautiful maps and most engaging story yet. The love and passion the devs feel for this game is tangible. The main NPCs are so wonderfully written. The achievements and unlocking the mounts (especially the griffon) were challenging, but it kept you so invested. Every challenge was different, and I felt like I had to keep playing because there was always something new and exciting to do. This continued on beautifully into LW4.

Then ArenaNet announced massive layoffs of the GW2 team in February of 2019. In September of that year, The Icebrood Saga began.

I felt that the writing was still pretty good here.... but the cuts were noticeable. The achievements for each map changed from being incredibly unique challenges to do this event 50 times. The maps started being released in segments instead of all at once. In Champions, they didn't even make new maps, you were just in old maps again.

End Of Dragons. Every map has the achievement touch 1 million lanterns. The maps are large, but feel so empty. New Kaineng is just nearly identical skyscrapers you need to navigate around. Echovald is large swaths of trees with nothing in them. The NPCs aren't particularly memorable. They introduce 3 factions in Echovald that just.... don't matter, and aren't very different. I am a person who loves a fishing mini game (soooo much), and I really dislike the fishing system they introduced here. And skiffs. These things were added to make it feel like more was added to the game, but they were not well thought out or polished. And the Gen 3 legendary weapons. They feel more like a Black Lion set than legendaries. Gen 1&2 legendaries were each unique, with unique animations and footprints to each one. The Gen 3s are all the same thing over and over. Oh but you can get recolors of them, so CLEARLY that makes them good lol.

And now Secrets of the Obscure. The story is oh here's secret Wizards you've literally never heard of, who are protecting the world from secret Demons you also have never heard of. The whole thing was pulled straight out of someone's ass. Like they only have 1 writer now and they're under the world's most massive time crunch. This is a paid expansion, and they released the story in parts. Frankly unacceptable. This is a LW but you need to pay money for it. One of the maps was released in THREE SEPARATE PARTS. They cut it in THIRDS and released it slowly!!!! The whole first map is reused assets again, and the last map is covered in ugly, undistinguishable textures. So many of the achievements in the last two expansions are run around and click on 1 million small things on a map. Instead of anything fun or engaging.

It is so hard to believe the drop in quality that has been happening here. Very clearly because the dev team was eviscerated. There used to be a huge team of people who loved working on this game. Now they have like 3 people who are being forced to churn out """"full expansions"""" in a year.

I haven't been able to bring myself to finish the last release of SotO yet. It's gotten depressing and frustrating to play.

Next is Janthir Wilds, and I do not have high hopes. They're doing Homesteads as the 4th type of home base they've tried to introduce to the game. They're focusing on re-releasing Warclaws, a mount that has been available for 5 and a half years.

I miss when this game was loved.

[silly-boi-broski]

"I wrote this book for a few reasons: Because I wanted more stories about boys like me. Because I was angry. Because I still am. But mainly, I wanted to show queer kids that they can walk through hell and come out alive. Maybe not in one piece, maybe forever changed, but alive and worthy of love all the same. "That's what you'll find here. Terrible things, survival, love, and a future worth fighting for. "Sharpen your teeth, take up your fire, and let's do this."

"For the kids who sharpen their teeth and bite."

I will never be over this book, bro. Just looking back at the author note makes me want to reread it again and I've read it 5 times now. It's a book that makes me want to scream and cry and throw it across the room and vomit up my insides and finally yell at the people who hurt me in the past. It makes me want to reach out to the people I used to know because it reminds me of them. Because Theo reminds me of one of my old best friends because Benji reminds me of myself and so many other beautiful and hurt and angry people because Nick reminds me that I'm not the only one going through this shit right now, that just because I'm neurodivergent doesn't mean I'm automatically weak or broken or less than even though that's what so many people that I grew up around want me to belive. This book makes me feel so many fucking things at once, and I don't understand half of them, but I have never felt so seen. I have never felt so real and understood. I have exhausted my friends of sharing about it and gushing it, but I don't care because it's a book about boys like me and I can't get enough of it. For fucks sake, I could already recite half of the god damned bible verses in the book and it made me cringe everytime but it made me feel so fucking seen because I know that I'm not alone in thinking like that. I know other people know that pain of not being able to get away from those verses and quotes, no matter how hard I try.

Andrew Joseph White has tickled my brain and touched my heart in so many fucking ways with his writing, and I don't know how to feel about it, but I know for one thing now, no matter how much shit is thrown at me. I am not alone, because I am one of the kids who needs to sharpen their teeth, and bite.

[goobygoobb]

no i dont think i will stop thinking about benji from hfwu .. benji whos father his number 1 supporter was shot in front of him at the beginning of the book his blood splattered on his face buried under his nails forever ingrained into the ridges of his fingerprints benji who loved so fiercely it was dangerous so much so that he forgave the boy who hurt him so quickly and it cost him almost everything BEEENJIII who felt different for so long and who ended up associating that feeling with being monstrous after he was injected with seraph BENJI. who just wanted to be a boy that loved boys. who was only a teen when the world fell apart and chained him down, benji who had religion and trauma whispering in his ear bite your tongue and do as you are told for He will never forgive you if you follow your heart — benji who was never even sure who He was, if heaven and hell and everything his life revolved around for so long even existed ..

i love him

[kimkhimhant]

I don't understand why so many people equate a single aspect of a character's personality to their sexual preferences. like pointing to Kim's apparent enjoyment of violence and being like obviously he's a violent dom top.

it feels like toxic masculinity and disturbing stereotyping to say a character who has violent tendencies can't possibly be gentle in romantic and sexual relationships, or someone who has a lot of anger can't possibly bottom or submit to the person they love.

because Kim can kill people means he would want to aggressively dom Chay and would never want to give Chay any power in their sexual relationship? it doesn't make sense to me and it honestly feels like an insult to Kim's character. I don't have a problem with Kim domming or topping. i have a problem with people making that his whole personality when it's Not. the biggest move he makes on Chay is a very innocent cheek kiss, when he absolutely could have done more. to say that the violence he commits to protect Chay= violent sexual dominance is weird!

to say that because he is ambitious & hardened & willing to threaten & kill people who endanger his loved ones, he could never willingly submit to someone - what kind of claim is that? doesn't that make it all the more impactful when he Does submit?

claiming so confidently (and rudely) that there's nothing submissive about him, and that it's out of character to write him as anything but an aggressive and violent dom top really does feel so narrow-minded and insulting. his actions in canon are very much open to interpretation.

the club scene, he momentarily loses control of his emotions: he finds out chay skipped his audition, is at a club, and is being offered drugs. he freaks out and drags chay away, but when chay stands up to him he stands down. he leaves. he doesn't continue to force chay. we can interpret this interaction either as a momentarily loss of control, or as proof that he's capable of force, but again, neither option is explicitly confirmed by canon.

the song, it's implied that he started writing it while he and chay were still together, rather than a post-breakup manipulation tactic. we see him alone in his apartment writing a song while thinking about chay's love song and smiling. it was a love song, written in response to chay's love song, but they broke up before kim finished it.

kim is absolutely capable of violence and force. boundaries are a little blurry for him, especially when he's trying to accomplish something. he looks into chay's phone, breaks into his room, bypasses his being blocked by messaging from a different number. chay also walks right over kim's boundaries. he insists that kim stays to listen to his song (repeatedly), get's kim's address from his friend and shows up at his place, etc. they are pretty well matched in that sense – their concept of boundaries and attachment are both unhealthy.

there is really nothing in canon that dictates whatever romantic or sexual dynamics they will have. i'm frustrated when people act like there are. the image someone presents in public has nothing to do with their sexual preferences.

it feels like a projection of misogyny & toxic masculinity & honest to God homophobia to say that because Chay is sunny & soft, he can only ever be a submissive bottom, & bc Kim is cold & raised to be violent, he can only ever be a violent, dominant top.

again, as a disclaimer, i'm not opposed to domtop kim. i think it's an entirely valid portrayal of him! i support those who write those dynamics! but it's not canon, because there is no canon sexual dynamic for kimchay. sub bottom kim isn't canon either! because there is no canon sexual dynamic for kimchay.

we almost never see kim with his defenses down. he's always on guard and putting on a brave face, except for just a few scenes, like when he's alone writing music and finding chay's polaroid.

i think it's important to recognize the fact that sexual dynamics cannot be predicted by looking at how someone looks and acts in public, and that no interpretations are confirmed by canon and all interpretations are therefore equally valid

[cheekyboybeth]

Peter Pettigrew is either dating Benjy Fenwick or is aroace

don’t tell me any different

[moth-bells]

Sometimes I wanna bash my head through a wall when I see ppl look at a game that is screaming 'hey!!! this shit if fucked up!!! Everyone here is bad!!!' and then go 'omg this is disgusting how could the creator condone this and romanticize it!!! If you like this game youre just as disgusting as it!!' Like please. Im begging. Media literacy.

[liass-21]

saw you tag that "if i cannot be wanted i will be needed" post as ethan hunt and yeah. yep. you get it 👍

WE get it. he’s sooooooo god. he’s so self sacrificing he literally does not know how to function without some sort of purpose—and when his purpose is usually saving the fucking world, he takes it pretty damn seriously.

i forget the name, but there was a benthan fic i read where after they got together, ethan was so abnormal and wouldn’t let benji dote on him or pleasure him at all. he was the ultimate service top to the point that benji was like dude! stop it!

he DOES NOT KNOW how to let people want/need him back. he doesn’t know anything except to give of himself. can you tell i think about him soooo normally.

[doomed-syko]

don’t get me wrong, as happy and excited as i am about the catfish comeback and (possibility) of new music, the way nothing that has happened since summer 2021 has been publicly addressed by the band at all, leaves a very sour taste in my mouth.

not a word about dropping out of the two cardiff shows two weeks before they were happening, nothing about bob leaving in september – not even just resharing his post as an instagram story, which would've been the bare minimum – and nothing about bondy leaving after being in the band for years.... and now they’re just back? without any explanation?

idk that just seems so incredibly disingenuous to what they as a band but especially van have always preached. i’m sorry but it does not seem like you are only "in it for the fans and the live music" when you couldn't be arsed to make any sort of public statement in the over two years, that was between bob leaving and the reading and leeds headline announcement, to let your fans know what was going on.

it just feels very disrespectful, not only to the two long-time band members that left the band but also to the thousands upon thousands of fans – doesn't matter if die-hard or casual – that were left with so many questions.

again i am very excited for what is to come, i will go and see them if they'll tour in europe and i will always appreciate van for the music but my opinion of him (and benji) has changed drastically since 2021 and i don't know if that can ever change.

x

[campbenji]

If Benji not canon then why fannypack, butter knife and captain's hat

[befuddled-calico-whump]

Big interpersonal stuff fan here- I can't WAIT to read the next chapters you got coming up. (but don't rush yourself because of jt! It's better to wait for something you're proud of over something quick and dirty)

-⌚anon

:D thanks for the encouragement!!

[benjamindisco]

Every time I apply to a new job I'm just like maybe now I will be free of The Red Store's clutches. Daydreaming of having a job where I get to help people and not walk ±10 miles every day.

[sophieseals]

I didn’t like the established back story of the IMF

Like for lack of a better phrase but when did they decide the IMF is the suicide squad? It just seems like something so unnecessary that they could say to later reinforce Grace’s position on the team, but we aren’t even seeing her in part two? This is the first time they’ve brought this up and it could’ve just been left. Plus realistically how much do we all believe that Luther, Benji and, Ethan were in such bad shit from crimes they had created (or were framed) that they were coerced to pick a government agency of an IMPOSSIBLE mission force because it was better than the alternative, like how long were they ALL going to prison for? I know people can change and shit but these characters weren’t written that way? If this was something established in M1 we would be seeing way different characters and more growth would we not? It just seemed like something lazy and tacked on so they could recruit Grace which to be honest could have easily been done another way.

[goobygoobb]

benji from hell followed with us is very special to me in a totally normal way ( i let people too close to my heart and apologize for their mistakes until the anger and pain boils over and consumes me whole, struggling between who i am and who people want me to be while also not even truly understanding myself, just longing for somewhere i can belong with people who don’t care wtf is going on and just want me to be okay because i did not grow up with that kind of unconditional love )

sorry i will get back to drawing silly doodads

[kimkhimhant]

rewatching the white collar episode controlling interest (aka the best episode) and godddd the whole therapy session with dr. summers makes me insane.

"your behavior is sociopathic. you work on perception, perception of others, how you think they'll feel. This influences your actions and thoughts more than your own emotions. deceit and manipulation are the essential characteristics of this disorder, you excel at both of them." "deceit and manipulation are generalities, they can apply to anyone who lies, and everyone lies, including you dr summers." "that may be true but not everyone believes their own lies." "why would i delude myself?" "because you don't want anyone to see your vulnerabilities."

gnawing on my own arm over this. like ok i know she's evil and all that but kjsghfd her straight up pointing out this huge aspect of his character that most of the show completely brushes over (yes i know the show is meant to be more of a witty comedic kinda procedural and the emotional stuff isn't the focus but :') i do wish it went a little deeper sometimes).

we so rarely see neal expressing his genuine emotions because he is so intently focused on the image he's presenting to other people, and so uncomfortable (terrified of?) feeling anything. even in the romantic relationships he has during the show, he keeps his walls up (after kate at least), and we really only see him visibly distressed around peter and mozzie.

he just keeps that charming smile on his face 24/7, and he really is deluding himself by refusing to acknowledge his emotions. how many people has he seen die? the love of his life was blown up just meters from him. he's been shot, kidnapped, beaten. he grew up in witsec, neglected and clinging to a lie that basically destroyed him. he can smile all he wants, but those things can't be erased, just covered up with more lies.

[that-starry-freak]

This shit i do when im anxious

My anxeity came out of nowhere and then I found out about drama which made it worse lmao

So I started sketching and stuff

God I love them. Stupid lesbians. Stupidstupid lesbians. I'm still struggling with their genders and stuff (im lying its just Benjis) but yknow

[moth-bells]

Dont you just love tyring to explain something to someone thats from your autism only for them to get frustrated and go "You cant blame everything on your autism" and then you want to cry because no one ever fucking cares to know anything about you or your disabilities :)) dont you just lvoe that??