#bendigobarbie

[wrevkthisblog]

i am not stupid so why do i attract stupid people…people that are confused, simple, and slow, sometimes even intentionally. I do my best at ruling my throne so i am at a lost of words for why i am always constantly introduce to incompetence. i clearly give the energy needed to obtain ones fire; so why rip me so? why strip me of my intelligence & infused thoughts of something pure….something genuine w. unconditional love.

why do they crave what they planted infront of their face just to tease themselves of a love they can’t taste. some are truly blind, howled and their lost for romance is unfound and it leaves them foul, dirty, unable to scurry because away is something they won’t trial. Like a forest i comfort w. love that grows patience & not rage since understanding a life where the Devil wished he may & wish he might’ve. Discovering entities inlove w. my epiphanies was enough to know since young that i am that guy. I am that vibe. I am that energy your soul craves from inside. Throwing rocks at me and turning your face to hide has left you in so much shit that even God can’t make right. I just hope they know they stupid, their dumb and i’m high. I hate that dumb shit, I hate that the dumbfucks experienced my drive.

because i never do anything to people, i’m always doing something for people even when everything in my body was telling me it wasn’t right, intuition telling me, you a liar, and my energy stalking the idea of what the potential you could be like. The smart you? The know how to talk to me, you? The take accountability and ownership, you? The stopped being so weird fake, you? Of course, who am i kidding, you don’t even know you. You over thinking and trying to comprehend you.

i gotta find the ones who know them. Who’s not afraid to be real. Because those are the ones who deserve my energy who deserve my feels. Everything else is so gone now…I wasted too much time on pretenders; you’ll think they’ll really love me when truly they don’t…the worst feeling is thinking you locked in w. a mf just for them to prove you wrong. There’s bigger fish to fry apparently and these mfs know they can’t come near me anymore. All my healing, helps me to recognize negative energy from any frequency. I am apart of the lamb and it is the goats that are the imposters. God single-handily chose me, as a child, when i was asleep during a nap, it’s always been on me just as well as in me, there’s never been a reason for me to prove or compete for anything but Gods love.

that’s everyone’s problem, they are always depending on this virtual world to make them who they are when God has already created you. God already knows who you are. The only thing you have to do is, listen. But no one wants to listen, everyone wants to talk. How come in their story im wrong but can’t explain why they are right. Delusion is the conclusions for the illusions they suffer from. I was only passing thru for all of you when whoever decided to make me a huge part of their life. But it’s okay, it doesn’t matter, it only matters to the ones who watch, who pray on my downfall because i took away something they looking for now.

i still have my heart of gold and my dignity, i still have my respect. I still sleep peacefully knowing my man is only mine and not hers or his, ha! True love does so much to the brain that there’s not even the need to physically be high when your spiritual has been elevated. Villains never know true love and legends never die. Yes, there’s much more to connection than love but God is Love and that’s a stronger answer. Because of my relationship with God, I am never phased to what others project twrds me, everything repels and bounces off of me, unharmed. It’s not just my ego but my consciousness that doesn’t care to prove anyone wrong. If they believe they are right then that is them.

because one thing about me, i’m growing and bringing out the woman I am always meant to become and I will stand firm on what i say, followed by the correct actions. People just don’t have the right energy to be on my throne, in my life, my world and this isn’t an explanation, because i am who i am. You can dissect me but you cannot be me, you cannot become as one w. me unless given permission. To access me is VIP pleasure, an experience and a flex because i am healed without wishing bad unto others. I healed without turning into those who hurt me.

i am fed up to the point where i have a lot to say, A LOT! But what point or difference will it make, I truly hate to repeat myself and ive always said that since very very young, because i am on the top of a royal status to the point where i’ve been entertaining peasants for real. The strength i’ve gain and the fights i’ve been thru just to get better and become better to achieve more is astounding to me. The thought of almost settling for what disgusts me now is a humbled hum that eases the strings that tug my heart. Humbleness rises inside me since i am able to value and support those with nothing to gain. I’ve opened up and now i can’t trust no one but i’m still granted with the love i deserve. the softness, patience, intimacy, acceptance by someone who’s realer than anyone that anyone has ever met 💯 and that’s what grinds their gears.

no matter how badly i was done by others, God still granted me my garden and not just a rose. Thank you for loving my intellectual talks of deep passion for my words from my inner divine mind. One of the greatest fears people live in is their own head and what others think of them, i am beyond blessed from always knowing i am the shit 💕🥹✨

[wrevkthisblog]

I can’t believe i wrote this 3yrs before i actually was able to experience this & it was w. my true love whom i’ve met in 2017 & been together since 🥹💯💕

No Need To Boast ..

since the beginning of the year, all I’ve been wanting to do was lay on the beach and soak up some sun … and sleep by myself … not having a cautious conscious about my kids running around or anything … and I finally got what I wanted … but the whole time I slept on the beach, in the sun, I thought about having laughs and fun with my kids on the beach, in the sun … then I thought about having a significant other, like my sister ; which only made me smile cause I’m not gonna worry about a man, at all .

wtbs:

God know who I need and don’t ✨ I may be alone but I’m sure not lonely x- if you not showing me love and compassion then you can not dwell in my kingdom .. God know who I’m compatible with & who I’m not … I try hard not to ask him why .. and even after I ask, though I shouldn’t ; God always gives me the same answer which leads me to always realizing how thankful I am for LIFE and to be LIVING and not just existing . I’m thankful for my FAMILY and CHILDREN . there’s no reason to ask why ..

[wrevkthisblog]

At Last

so many things

changed the course

of my life.

there was times

when me,

i couldn’t even realize.

yea, i was taken

not by love

but by

granted.

and tainted

shaped

molded

and demanded

by deceivers

and distractions

that wanted nothing

more then to hear

myself crying,

hurt.

watched me

believe all their tales

but i knew why

since why is more

important than how

or who, since i wasn’t

the only one they’ll

devour.

true love

is something

a villain can’t

require..

so it’s evident

that your heart

is in no mood

to be desired.

that’s why they

try to put out

my fire.

since i hold

so much more

and their actions,

satire.

it matters

no more to me

i get my rest

when i’m tired.

sleep

to the peace

to the whole

to the ones that

love

their heart.

promising to be there

for themselves

everytime they’re

called.

[thirdtothrone]

i am a child of the sun. 🌞

the world was never created

🌍...to be against me

[wrevkthisblog]

because i’m really a dope tweeter 😋✨

[wrevkthisblog]

1:23AM 10/19/21

i want to feel proud to make a baby with someone like i want to sit there pregnant af and excited asl while i list all the amazing qualities, good and bad that baby might have personality wise from me and their dad then get more excited like WOOHOO genetics because that’s the whole thing isn’t it? love. friendship. being in love. learning someone over time, the ins & outs, falling in love with all of their flaws to the point where you don’t view them as flaws at all but special quirks; to be so deep in love that you are excited - excited to share experiences - excited to learn more - excited to create a human life with this person & not just because you want a baby but because you want to grow even further in love with your spouse; to create a little version of you both, sewn together so intricately by flowers & honey.

just because it hasnt happened yet, doesnt mean it never will.

[thirdtothrone]

and when i sleep,

i’ll remember myself,

in my dreams.

[wrevkthisblog]

i am my own everything.

..nothing can complete me but me..

[wrevkthisblog]

i’ll always be that girl that sat on the moon for you, just to tell the sun how much he couldn’t compare to you.

[thirdtothrone]

this is my dream bedroom fr

[wrevkthisblog]

12:19AM 10/29/21

associating with the wrong people for too long possibly damaged how i view myself; making me doubt my own heart and sanity. it makes me want to blame myself for other people’s behavior, God forbid if they’re still out there shaming me for things out of my control; i just be wary of how many chances i give to people who are slowly chipping away at my mental and emotional health; theres a few things i should always look out for, if they are hurting my feelings weekly 🚩 if they are triggering me in diff ways & bringing out unresolved trauma within myself 🚩 it’s deeper than just “thats my friend, i love her even tho she can be a lil toxic” like noooooo 🙄 loyalty is great and honorable but at what cost? like if time has gone by & this toxic friend has no intention of changing because they know ill accept them… 🚩 then i feel trapped; see, boundaries are necessary & i deserve more; my inner child deserves more. some months ago now i had a friend (i thought we were) ghost me and basically removed themselves with no explanation at all, why? why tag me along, making me feel for something that isnt even there? why 1 side me? & see, that is what reminded me of everyone who’s ever abandoned me and the people who ever abandoned them and how they always speak the opposite of what their actions show. it’s always actions speaking up for them than them speaking for themselves. you ever had that one moment that fills you with shame but doesn’t actually teach you better or accomplish anything; i get that feeling every time i decide to associate myself w. people like that especially since my mental health at those times be the main reason i was neglecting my intuition. they took an opportunity to throw a curve ball instead of creating a safe space for me to be laid down easily and that was all i needed to see; because after all i did for them, not materialized but mentally & spiritually & physically, trust me i did not hesitate to ghost them either. that on top of many other terrible things they done towards me my entire life theyve known me was a wrap for me so yeah, i gotta start using discernment when navigating through my emotionally taxing dynamics ♡