#ben x tori

[googly-eyed-plank]

If The Outlaws had YouTube Channels (Part 1)

RANI • She'd seen how fun it looked to get on the social media train from various other people at school, but she was never allowed to make accounts herself when she was really into it, but did anyway, behind her parents' backs. She'd often use filming equipment from school or her mother's phone whilst she was busy, and send the footage to her school email for editing on the library computer, but wittled it down to filming on her own phone once she'd gotten one. • (Pre-Community Service) She started out with basic little things, like making lyric videos of her favourite songs - she was young at the time, so not all of the early ones have exactly the best colour palette, but they still did well in spite of this. Once she was older, and had her own phone, she moved onto trying to make study help videos, in a bid to make her own study sessions less draining, and made a fairly successful series on certain subjects (primarily mathematics). • (Post-Community Service) The uploads lessened, and the study series ended, and while it was a stupid idea, the thrill of potentially being found out enraptured her, and she began doing discrete haul videos of all the items she'd "bought" that day. These were less popular. • After running away, all her videos have since been privatised, and she unsubscribed from everyone else's accounts. She still follows Ben on an alt. • Rani currently has 40 subscribers, who were interested in the channel before it went idle, and forgot to unsubscribe. The Community Srevice guys used to be subscribed, but unfollowed at various points in time. • John was happy to unfollow after finding out about Rani dumping Ben, and Greg did so too, as he felt bad for Ben (given he's also been dumped numerous times), Ben took a while to unfollow, but did a few weeks before meeting Tori, and Gabby (with a little convincing there was no "tea" to be seen) and Myrna also did the same after this.

BEN • He started the channel a little while after he was dumped by Rani, deciding this would be a good venture to keep himself occupied instead of thinking about her, and finds himself actually enjoying it. • For the content? Cooking tips, mostly. Making food is one of his passions, and making people happy through something so simple is something that means a lot to Ben. While he won't do any tutorials for special dishes (gotta keep those recipes secret!), he does take requests for other things, and often replies to comments to try and help out others and their cooking journies where he can. • Often livestreams making a dish to allow for people to ask questions, and uses any donations to place in the fund to pay back Rani's parents for the loan. • He also promotes the foodshack from time to time, and manages to build a nice little community for himself. • After meeting Tori, she shows up on his channel quite a lot, most often on livestreams, where they reminisce on things that've recently happened, and joke about as Ben cooks. • Is doing very well for himself and currently at 3k subscribers and counting (some of his audience transferred over from Tori's channel). His biggest supporter is Tori, and he always pins the lovely comments she leaves on his videos.

TORI • She created her account on her 13th birthday, after also recieving her first ever pair of rollerskates. She had tried rollerskates before at a friend's party, and had always wanted a pair of her own as a result, so once she got them, she was only too excited to show them off. • Her first video was reviewing the skates and tattling off different facts and specifications she'd been researching leading up to this moment. • From there, it was mostly a lot of practising videos, and showcasing of cool tricks she'd learnt or come up with. At the end of each year, she'd upload a "best of" compilation, edited together with the help of her father. • By the time she was 16, she felt fully confident in her abilities, and while she still had some things to learn, she started making more tutorial videos, and reviewing/trying out other rollerskates she could get her hands on (at one point, a rollerskating place even sent her a free pair to review on the channel after liking her content for the last pair of theirs she'd bought). • Sometimes goes to the skate park to show them off, and livestreams with the use of a camera off to the side (managed by her dad), and a GoPro for different angles. Once she met Ben, he began manning the miscellaneous camera for her, so the lives became more frequent. • Once she and Ben starting dating, he began to appear a lot more in her videos, often holding the camera and giving commentary, and sometimes even being given lessons to see how he would do. • On special occasions (such as her birthday), Tori would begin recording small and sweet vlogs to upload, just letting her audience know how things were going. • Tori currently has around 10k subscribers, thanks to her stunning moves and the additional help of one of her skating videos getting somewhat popular on another platform. She's thankful for the happiness she gets to give to people through her content.

[eyo-its-li]

i love making memes but ik im going to cry when it happens

[dispatch-eddie]

Thanks for making Heartstopper a bit angsty this season, Alice Oseman. I can handle it like this but not the tooth rottingly cute sweetness that was season 1.

[solitarybookdragon]

"Ben laughs a very attractive laugh" YES FINALLY a book that shows that you can find people objectively attractive but not be attracted to or have a crush on them

[imjustavenuxwithaboomerang]

I FINISHED HEARTSTOPPER SEASON 2

last two episodes exclusive (mostly anyway) notes:

sahar is still my girlfriend (also her being bi means i have a chance IM KIDDING)

tori kicking david's phone out of his hand is so joyful to me

tao and elle being together makes my bi heart soar like who do i wanna be more ya' know (i've mentioned that already but it's still true)

darcy's mom has been added to the 'worst parent in media' list in my brain (along with terri, lynne, and cash from hsmtmts and donald from lab rats)

i will never forgive people spoiling season 2 plotlines (like aroace isaac, harry's low-key redemption arc, charlie's ed, tao and the outing situation, etc.) under season 1 reaction videos

it really was the best idea to have tao cut his hair cause otherwise i would not take him seriously

im loving tao's mom rooting for him and elle

i still don't like nick's dad and sarah is so right about him not getting a say in david and nick's lives

all of the dresses at prom looked so pretty

^i love pretty dresses so much, if i see a pretty dress, i shortcircuit

"i love your hair" yeah nick, we could tell from you noticing the haircut earlier in s1

i've been informed that ben won't be in the show anymore and im just like-

^GIVE ME THE PRETTY MAN JUST HAVE HIM BE SILENT AND IN THE BACK, AWAY FROM CHARLIE

i can get behind them setting up sahar and imogen

i love tara just casually being on nick's shoulders while decorating

i really enjoyed this show and i will be looking forward to s3

[theyarerealtome]

Ok, but so many feelings about Charlie giving Nick the queer experience he himself never got to have?! 

Charlie outed with no choice about the matter? Unflinchingly keeps Nick’s sexuality a secret, even when it makes things more painful for Charlie himself.

Had an abusive and toxic first relationship? Is the sweetest, most supportive, loving, healthy boyfriend to Nick.

Was horrifically bullied for being gay? Introduces Nick to a diverse, accepting, LGBTQI+ friend group, so he isn’t trapped in his homophobic social circle.

Just…. Charlie freaking Spring.

When Nick called him the kindest, most thoughtful, caring, amazing person? He’s not wrong. 

[annoyingvoidzombie]

Heartstopper 2x01 Out:

The Pictures they took in the booth in the episode before! + The bday present

"Good morning Boyfriend ❤️" not crying not crying

Lift your head dude, there's so much more than sexting

Charlie is happy, truly happy so yayyy

Nick tells Charlie he came out, and "well done" kiss and omg so cuteee

Mmm Charlie's bedroom makeout and such great couple moments that all ends with them loving eachother

Bed scene, ohhh something getting steamy

The sparks the sparks

They're just sooo happyyyyyy

"I HAVE A BOYFRIEND" yes Charlie we know, the world knows

Tao X Elle just do something already, fighting over the apple juice isn't what we had in mind but sure ..

Imogen you're so fun and pretty

Some test plot

Oh shit, Ben Vs Nick, that won't end well for some

Mr. Farouk sure is loving his new power

Wow Nick is cold ass

Rugby? Again love? Didn't you learn ?

Nick teasing Charlie with love

Tara x Darcy are so adorable and Elle's relationship mummies

Tao hair cut, and Elle touching it, he must be freaked out

Chocolate is a present? Since when...

Okay, now we know that chocolate and Oreos are it their thing also it's Nick's favourite

Locker room kiss

"BUT KISSING SO FUN" oh Nick, you're head over heels

Eiffel tower kiss!! Me? Crying?

Tori spring is the biggest Narlie shipper, sipping on her drink and loving seeing them as happy

Knees touching, shoulders too is PG13 make out basically and now fingers too

Sleepovers, really?

Welcome to the group Imogen, beautiful thing, you deserve to have them in your life too

Nick trying to coming out to Imogen.. having his difficult time

"draw me like one of your french girls" okay Tao, okay.. your crush is showing

Why can't they kiss already??

I would have loved to have this kind of friends group growing up

Nick is such a big spoon to Charlie little spoon

Tao making some excuses

Thank goodness Imogen is so blunt, and now she sure knows how to act as "an ally" but Ben? Well.. I kinda saw it coming

Again with all the hugssss

They're kissing infront of everyone and they truly don't care

Charlie is happy, he truly is

Charlie didn't saw this one coming, no one did, "hanky panky" wow

"I can protect him" wow baby .. you truly love him and your sister loves you!

[theredandwhitequeen]

Book 5 of the 50 book challenge. Solitaire by Alice Oseman. Solitaire is her first book and written before the heartstopper web comics. It follows Tori Spring in high school, Charlie and Nick are together and it’s after Charlie was hospitalized for his eating disorder and self harming. It has a bit of a mystery to it and it had Charlie having his eating disorder come up. Tori is a bit of a mess but it feels like her parents aren’t paying attention to her in the way she needs. She has some disordered eating problems as well. Nick is around as well. She makes friends with Michael who is new to school and her friend is involved with Ben Hope which is not great. It’s a ok book, but it has an unreliable narrator so it can be hard at times.

[cursiveinkwords]

rAHHHH

HEARTSTOPPER OMFG.

I'm going wild

(and crying but besides the point)

It was so compelling and cute and heartbreaking all at the same time, and overall was just an impeccable show ❤️❤️

nick and charlie just keep getting better ahhh <333

Wish there was Michael Holden incorporated ngl but the show was amazing!

Looking forward to seeing when season 3 is out :)

(on a side note, happy there won't be ben in season 3 but WE LOST BASH 😭)

[celestialspecial]

I absolutely LOVED crimes of passion!!!!! it was such an emotional rush!! I wanted to ask if there are chances that you'd continue it??

I was planning on making a second part but it didn’t seem like there was much interest so I tabled it for the time being but would definitely write another chapter at some point!!

[zepskies]

August Fic Recs

Hey, friends!

I got inspired by the awesome monthly rec posts that @winchestergirl2 and @deanwinchesterswitch put together, and decided to try this out. I might not do this every month, but we'll see! lol I now realize how much time and effort this takes, so to you guys who do this on the regular, I salute you! 🫡 😂

Note: If the author provided a summary, I'll include it. If not, and if it's untitled, I'll include the first line of the story. If it's a series and the author provided a series masterlist link in the chapter post, I'll also include it. MINORS BEWARE: a lot of this is 18+ content!

Supernatural

Dean Winchester x Reader:

@mxltifxnd0m -

Cute Glasses

Boyfriend Headcanons

@dewwinchester -

Stitches Summary: Dean texts you for help, and you drop everything for him.

@dean-winchester-is-a-warrior -

Things Learned and Unlearned | Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15 Summary: Y/N has spent her life trying to outrun her mother's reputation. When she meets the rich and successful playboy, Dean Winchester, how quickly can he get her to stop running?

Every Fucking Time Summary: You want to help Dean, but he knows you can't.

@talltalesandbedtimestories -

Just a Little Spice Summary: Dean likes to spice things up, but it would be nice if he didn’t have to put his life in danger in the process.

@luci-in-trenchcoats -

Oh, Baby Summary: When Dean is cursed on a hunt and turned into a baby, the reader has to take care of him along with Sam. Dean however, is a bit more adult than they might realize…

A Shirtless Winchester

Imagine...Breaking Dean Out of Jail

@zeppelinlvr -

"Better?" "Much" Summary: waking up next to Dean and getting ready with him.

@ohsc -

Help You

@rizlowwritessortof -

Sweet Escape - Part 1, Part 2 Summary: What happens when a friend jokingly does a spell at your birthday party to bring your cardboard standup of Dean Winchester to life?

@deans-queen -

Stolen Moments Summary: Y/N finds herself unable to resist capturing a rare, peaceful moment of Dean Winchester sleeping in a motel room. But when Dean wakes up and catches her in the act, what starts as an innocent photo op quickly turns into an intimate encounter.

Sweet Distractions Summary: Reader (Y/N) is at the bunker, working on an essay for her Child Development class. When Dean comes to check on her, his bad-boy charm quickly becomes a distraction she can’t resist, no matter how hard she tries.

@tofics -

Let There Be Light Summary: You, Dean and Sam are fighting America's monsters together. Coming from a long line of hunters, you fit right in with the Winchester boys, despite having been raised entirely different from the two. Where you were brought up with love and care, John raised Sam and Dean with rules and obedience. Seeing what Dean does for the world, you decide it's time that he gets his own share of love...

@jackles010378 -

A Sweet Treat Summary: Dean gets a little excited when Y/N makes his favourite treat.

Dean Winchester x OC:

@rizlowwritessortof -

Remember Me - Part 4

@spnbabe67 -

Girls, Girls, Girls Summary: While on a witch hunt Dean gets hit with a spell. Later at the hotel, Dean feels the effects of the spell and Tori has to help him through it.

It Takes Two Summary: Dean and Tori get roped into doing a pregnancy yoga session and he reminisces on how he found out she was pregnant. (Dean's POV)

Comfortember Day 7: Sick As A Dog Summary: When Dean wakes up sick, it's up to Tori to make him feel better again.

Comfortember 2023 Master List

The Broken Heart Trilogy Master List

Sam Winchester x Reader:

@ohsc -

Delicate

Untitled Drabble - "She wouldn't stop giggling."

The Boys

Soldier Boy x Reader:

@kaleldobrev -

Yes Ma'am (Soldier Boy x Plus-size!Reader) Summary: Macho Man Ben never thought he’d ever take orders from a woman; but now he does so with a smile (aka Ben is whipped and he doesn’t care).

After Everything Summary: You and Ben have a heart-to-heart.

@artyandink -

The Art of Heresy - Prequel, Chapter 1, Chapter 2 Summary: Modern day, 2022, and you have no clue what’s going on. You knew what you went through. You knew it was real, but why were there people trying to convince you that everything that happened to you wasn’t real. Hell, you called bullshit. But you get your chance to fight back when you get a call at your door.

Billy Butcher x Reader:

@lady-z-writes -

Untitled Drabble - "Butcher stumbles in the office. Haggard, nothing new."

Tracker

Russell Shaw x Reader:

@impala-dreamer -

Don't Mention It

@luci-in-trenchcoats -

M.I.A. Summary: When Colter Shaw calls the reader for help on a job, she thinks nothing of helping out. Only he never shows up and Colter may have just become the latest disappearance in this small town. It’s up to her and Russell to work together to find him before his case goes cold like all the others before…

Jacklesverse

Various characters portrayed by Jensen Ackles and/or crossovers:

@deanbrainrotwritings -

Jacklesverse Bingo 2023 Masterlist

@justagirlinafandomworld -

Stranded - SPN/The Boys crossover: Soldier Boy & Reader, with a mention of Dean.

@lamentationsofalonelypotato -

It's Not a Big Deal - SPN/The Boys crossover: Soldier Boy x Reader, with a side helping of Dean. Summary: Dean's in for a rude awakening when he finds out exactly what you did when you got stranded in another universe.

@artyandink -

Nature's Beauty Summary: You have stretch marks. How would the boys react to that?

Chicago Med

Will Halstead x Reader:

@deanstead -

5 Times You Held Back + 1 Time You Didn't Have To Summary: Five times you held back, and the one time you didn’t have to.

Wow, I read a lot this month! 😂 I hope you enjoy these lovely writers and their stories as much as I did. 💜

[eyo-its-li]

i actually cant express how excited i am

[panic-in-the-multiverse]

Charlie spring with sibling reader headcanons

Being Charlie Springs Sibling Would Include

Pairings: Charlie Spring x sibling!reader (some other characters makes an appearance)

Warnings: spoilers form season 2, mention of homophobia, mention of self harm, a bit angst?, mostly fluff

A/N In celebration of Heartsopper season two I thought why not write all the heartstopper requests I haven’t done yet, so here we go

And if you have a request with heartstopper pls send them

So whatever gender you have obviously decides what school you go to

I also believe you’d be older than Charlie, he’d definitely be the youngest

Really supportive of Charlie, even more so when he was outed and started to get bullied, if you go to the same school you’d definitely come to Charlie’s rescue and defend him (a bit harder to do if you aren’t in the same school)

Teaming up with Tori to comfort and protect your brother

if you aren’t or if you are going to the same school doesn’t matter either way you’d always comfort him at home

Knowing about his self harm, and the fact he doesn’t eat much, which you try to help with as much as you can

Comforting hugs

Movie marathon

Being friends with his friends, because they are genuinely good people and support him like you do.

When he got his crush on Nick you would tease him most days, and he would be stood blushing in his room with a smile on his face

If you’re part of lgbtq+ then he and the rest of your family would be supportive of you too

When he got together with Nick you’d be a bit protective first knowing about Ben before, but as soon as you see that Nick is a good guy the two of you become friends, and you share memories of Charlie to Nick.

Whenever Charlie goes to a party if you don’t come with him you make sure he has someone with him that will look out for him, because he doesn’t do too well in public spaces

Charlie, when I think of him I can’t stop thinking that he talks more to his siblings or friends about his problems so I imagine he’d go to you a lot of times if something was troubling him

A lot of gossip about Nick, like a lot, Charlie can’t stop talking about him

Omg imagine you were also at that dinner party with Nick’s family, you would definitely stand up for Nick, to Charlie’s surprise and which would also make him really happy <3

Pillow wars

Omg imagine when Charlie was a child and got nightmares and he would go into your room to cuddle with you, and you’d let him everytime, even to this day (my little brother does this instead of going to our parents, it’s so cute)

Just the best of siblings

I don’t know what else really, might add more if I come up with something, but for now this is it

[that-sarcastic-writer]

Safe Haven (4)

Soldier Boy X Fem!Paramedic!Reader

Summary: You and Ben have been bonding for a few days, but after a scare, you both have an important conversation

Warnings: Foul language, talks of PTSD, some slapping (not from ben), angst, this is literally the slowest of burns, eventual smut, so minors dni, Soldier Boy bc he's a warning on his own

Like I've said before I write sb as less insufferable and horrible, he's still a dick but he's warming up to reader so he's nicer

WC: 3.2k

A/N: I AM SO SORRY. I know I left this tory forgotten for a year, and that's so not fair to you guys, and I am truly sorry for it. I've never been good at finishing my series. I tend to get blocked in the middle and I'm never able to get past it. But I started rewatching s3 again and decided to give this series a second try. And I think I have a much clearer idea of how to proceed from where I left off. I just always have a hard time with the middle. But I will do my best to not leave this series unfinished because yall were more than supportive to it and it's not fair to just leave you hanging. So if you stuck around thank you.

Next part | Series Masterlist | Soldier Boy Masterlist

The last thing you expected to wake up to was the smell of freshly brewed coffee and Ben, in the kitchen, actually cooking something. You were still a bit out of it from sleep when you walked into the kitchen, but you stopped dead in your tracks and your eyes grew at the sight of him, frown plastered on his face as he stood with a pan in his hand. You blinked a couple of times and snorted in disbelief. 

“Since when do you cook?” You asked as you moved to stand beside him, slightly tilting your head as you looked at the slightly burnt sandwich on the pan. “If that’s what you would call cooking.”

“Fuck off,” He rolled his eyes at you and scoffed like he took offense to your words as he grabbed the sandwich from right out of the pan and took a bite out of it. His face remained in a frown, lips pursed into a displeased grimace. “I got hungry and you were still in your room, so I improvised.” 

Well at least you appreciated him not barging into your room so you would cook for him. After you went off on him the other night he gave you space, he was just as flirty and inappropriate, but respected your space and wouldn’t antagonize you much. If he could do something on his own he would, but was still silently grateful if you ever did anything for him. And much to his surprise, you still allowed him to stay, for some reason. But he didn’t mind it. And honestly, you didn’t mind his presence either, if anything he was pretty bearable most of the time. 

“Does that not burn?” You asked, eyeing him with big eyes as you turned the stove off and placed the pan on the sink. 

He shrugged, “The Russians burned me with flamethrowers the size of your head for fun, so no, this doesn’t burn.” 

You stared at him blankly, lips slightly parted as you tried to process his words. 

“Right..” You simply shook your head, not even wanting to inquire further. You were about to walk away when you heard him say your name. 

“That’s for you,” He said, pointing at the glass mug you usually use for your coffee, droplets of water already pooling around it like it had been sitting there for a little while. You looked between the glass of coffee on the counter and him, confused. 

“You made me coffee?” You asked slowly, squinting at him with confusion. He grabbed a glass of his own from the counter next to the stove and he nodded as he drank from it. 

“Why do you sound so surprised?”

You grabbed it and hesitantly took a sip from it, eyes widening in surprise. It didn’t taste half bad. So he wasn’t entirely useless. 

“I don’t know. I mean, you cooked and you made me coffee,” You said slowly and paused, narrowing your eyes at him suspiciously, “What do you want? Is this your way of convincing me to fuck you?”

He laughed at that, tongue running over his pink lips playfully and an equally playful glint in his eyes, but he shook his head, “No…” His lips curved into a small smirk as he stood in front of you, leaning down close to your face. “Is it working?”

You took a deep breath, eyes wandering to the side to avoid his. You'd be lying if you said you hadn’t considered it. In the days he had been pretty much hiding in your house, you had grown to like his company, when he wasn’t being a dick of course. And he was irresistibly attractive in more ways you would like to admit. But you knew better than to let him in your bed. 

“You wish.” You moved away from him and hopped on the kitchen island as you sipped your coffee, your face already flushing with heat, though you were glad he couldn’t see that. 

“You know the offer is always on the table if you change your mind darlin’.” He winked, lips curled into a smirk as he drank from his coffee. You rolled your eyes at him and shook your head.

“How did you even manage to get the coffee machine on? I’ve seen the way you look at my phone, it’s like your brain is computing. Technology isn’t your thing.”

His face turned blank and his lips fell into a flat line, jaw slightly twitching, like he was not amused by your comment in the slightest bit.

“You can suck my dick, thank you. For your fucking information I’m not that stupid. I’ve seen you make coffee every morning for almost a week, I can manage to make some goddamn coffee.” 

You were trying your hardest not to laugh, you had to close your eyes and exhale through your nose so you wouldn’t laugh at his clearly offended tone. And when you opened your eyes to look at him, he looked anything but amused. 

“Jeez alright, don’t get your panties in a bunch. It’s not the worst coffee I’ve had, so.” Your lips curved into a half smile and he rolled his eyes. 

“That’s how you like it right? Iced, a bit of cream and caramel?” 

“Yeah, actually.” You said with a half smile, surprised he actually seemed to have remembered that, most guys you've dated wouldn't have bothered to remember even after months.

He smirked almost proudly and he hummed as he stood in front of you, and had your legs been open, he probably would’ve stood right in between them. You straightened your back as you looked up at him with curiosity. 

“That’s a good girl. I like a girl who knows her stuff.” The words rolled off his tongue so naturally and yet so breathtakingly hot it made you inhale sharply. He knew what he was doing to you when he did things like that, and the worst part was that he would often just walk off, almost as if he was hoping you would chase him. Which you never did, as much as a part of you wished you did. “I’m a pretty quick learner, I can do things just the way you like ‘em, you just have to ask.” 

And with that he walked off, smug smirk full on his lips at the sound of your sharp breaths and quickly beating heart. Your sanity and modesty could only last so long if he kept this up. And honestly, you didn’t see it stopping anytime soon. 

~~~~~~~~~~

You blew out an annoyed sigh as you padded down the hall from your room to your living room, the persistent sound of Ben calling your name nonstop having pulled you out of your own space. 

“Dude what.” You sighed out as you stood with your arms crossed and looked down at him. He was sprawled out on the couch, an arm behind his head. For a second your eyes drifted to his bicep under the soft fabric of the henley you had given him, and you had to force yourself to look at his face instead.

“What are you fucking deaf? I’ve been calling you for like five minutes.”

“Yes Ben I heard you the first five fucking times you screamed my name. I was busy. What do you want that is so urgent and you can’t do yourself?” You asked, leaning your weight into one heel. 

“Do you have any drugs?” He deadpanned, not bothering to take his eyes from the TV. You stared at him, blinking a couple times. 

“What?”

“What I said. Do you have any reefer or benzos or some shit like that?” He turned his head to look at you this time, face completely serious. 

“Uh.. No? What the fuck do you want drugs for?” You asked, rubbing the side of your face, still trying to process his request. 

He ran a hand over his face, fingers threading through his hair and he sighed heavily, looking up at the ceiling before speaking.

“I need something to help me take the edge off. I’m constantly restless, I always have this feeling like I’m going to punch a hole through a wall, I can’t sleep and I didn’t feel that way when I was fucking high all the time, so.” He said with complete honesty, he was serious too. 

Your lips slightly parted as you thought about it for a second. You guessed it made sense. If he did have PTSD weed probably would help him relax. You knew that feeling pretty well. You sympathized with him even. 

"Yeah okay. I know a guy." You finally said.

Ben gave you a surprised look, his eyebrows slightly raised. He definitely didn't take you for the drug type. But then again, maybe you liked to feel numb sometimes, too. 

"Thanks sweetheart." 

"Sure." You gave him a half nod as you glanced at your phone. "Listen, I'm gonna go out for a bit. I'm gonna buy some groceries and stuff. Stay here? Please. Your face is still all of over downtown. And with the whole Homelander Starlight bullshit I just don't think it's safe." 

"Aww sweetheart, you worried about me now?" He sat up with a shit eating smirk that made your roll your eyes. 

"Not particularly. It'd be less money I'd have to spend if you weren't here actually." He shot up an eyebrow with disdain and scoffed at you, making you grin. "I mean it, after what Homelander did in plain daylight, nobody's safe." 

"What did that fucker do this time?" He asked, his tone suddenly changing and he sat up straight. 

"Didn't you see? Oh yeah, you don't even own a phone." You sighed, "Homelander lasered a guy at some form of public event. The guy wasn't a criminal, he wasn't dangerous, he was just telling Homelander the truth to his face. So he killed the guy." 

"In plain daylight? You're kidding." 

"I fucking wish. I saw the video, it was all over Twitter before it got taken down. The worst part, everyone there cheered him on. He murdered an innocent person and everyone praised him for it. It was terrifying." 

Ben sat in silence for a long minute, even after you were done speaking. His lips were parted but he never spoke. That was his son. His only son. He couldn't say he was a saint, he knew he had done plenty of wrongs, unforgivable things, but he had never killed a person without reason. Let alone an innocent person. He was disgusted, digusted that his own flesh and blood could do something so horrible. Disgusted that Vought made him that way. He couldn't live knowing Homelander was still out there like this. He had to end this. One way or another. 

~~~~~~~~~

"Ben!" You called out loudly as you kicked your front door open, struggling to carry the multiple bags you so wrongly assumed you could carry on your own. You groaned loudly, the one time you needed this motherfucker. "Ben you useless asshole I need your super strength!" 

Still nothing. 

"I cannot with this motherfucker…" You muttered angrily to yourself as you pretty much dropped the bags on the floor. 

You left the door open since you still had more bags in your car but you wanted to find him first. You called his name a few more times as you walked around your farmhouse. He sure wasn't downstairs. You went up to the second floor, maybe he was in the guest bedroom, he slept there sometimes. 

Still no Ben. 

You stood in the middle of the hall with a frown on your face. Your stomach twisted with uneasiness. Your palms began to sweat cold as you thought the worst. God, where could he have gone? He clearly didn't know his way around town, he had no car. And worst of all he was still wanted by FBSA and now the CIA as well in a joint task force. 

He was gone. He was actually gone. 

What was this feeling? You felt sick and lightheaded, and your heart was racing. You leaned against a wall as you took deep breaths. Were you actually upset he was gone? Was this worry and panic you were feeling? Your mind was racing with every possibility, the next being worse than the previous. Maybe he got hurt? Or worse, maybe he blacked out and hurt somebody else again. God, why didn't he listen to you? 

You were drowned in your own worry when you heard heavy footsteps coming up the stairs. You straightened up, afraid someone had come for you, another supe, or the cops. You had been aiding a known fugitive afterall. 

You didn't know how long it had been, but you heard your name. It was his voice. 

"There you are. You okay? Why is the front door wide open?" Ben stopped at the top of the stairs, eyes furrowed into a worried expression. 

You didn't realize you had been holding your breath. And you felt like you could breathe again. But the knot in your stomach was quickly replaced by your blood boiling. God, how could he just walk in like that? Did he not realize how worried you had been?

You were worried about him.

You hadn't worried about anyone since—

You didn't think, you simply marched in front of him and your flat palm collided with his cheek. You were so fucking furious with him.

"What the fuck were you thinking? Why did you leave without saying anything? Are you so reckless and careless that you didn't stop to think you're literally the most wanted Supe right now?" You were shouting at him, shoving at his chest like it was going to do anything. The man didn't even move. He was stunned, surprisingly not angry. If anything seeing you like this turned him on.

"Jesus Christ, woman, can I tell you my safeword first?" He scrunched up his face a bit. He didn't feel your slap. It didn't even leave a tingle, but it was more so the fact that you had the guts to do so. You glared at him and smacked his chest one last time before you crossed your arms over your chest, face fixed tight and fuming. "Why are you so angry? I wasn't gone long." 

Did he seriously not realize?

"Why? Why am I so angry?" You repeated his question with disbelief. "Maybe because you could've gotten hurt out there or arrested! Or worse you could've—" You stopped, catching yourself before you said the words.

Ben raised an eyebrow at you, sensing the heat in your words, and he gave you a half nod of his head, knowing what it was you didn’t dare to say. 

"I could've what? Go on say it. If you had the balls to smack me then have the balls to finish that sentence." 

"You could've hurt someone." You finally said after a few seconds of silence, your voice much quieter now. 

"Right, 'cause I'm the brainwashed terrorist supe who just loves to blow people the fuck up, is that it?" He lowered himself to get in your face, his words accusatory, but also hurt by your accusation. You didn't to outright say it for him to know what you meant. Everyone else seemed to think so anyway. You avoided his eyes, mouth closed. "What? You got nothing to say now?" 

"I don't know! You're unpredictable, your powers are unpredictable. I'm not saying you meant to hurt those people, but you did Ben, I saw it. I saw all of it. It wasn't fucking pretty and I just—" You swallowed, closing your eyes, frustrated with yourself. Why were you so upset about this? About him? "I know you don't want any more of that on your conscience."

Ben stared at you for a long while, lips pressed together, and his jaw ticked with frustration, but he didn't snap at you. He just sighed. 

"I didn't hurt anyone. I just.. I can't keep hiding here with you when Homelander is out there. I just can't." He finally said, his voice strained with emotions you just couldn't quite understand. "I went to see an old friend from Vought. I needed to know what was going on. I need to do something. But I'm…" 

He swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing and lips pursing as he tried to say his next words, like it was hard for him to do so. You met his eyes this time, expectant. 

"I'm sorry for worrying you. I didn't think… To be honest with you I don't know why you care but I'm glad you do. So I'm sorry." He breathed out the words with his chest, like he was lifting a ton of bricks off his chest and he could breathe. 

Your eyes grew in size at his seemingly sincere apology. He had never sounded so genuine, he had never looked so much either. But he was, his green eyes were big and apologetic, and there was no smug smile, no grins, just a flat line and his big eyes. 

"I'm sorry for hitting you. I was just worried. I thought something might’ve happened." You sighed, giving him an apology of your own, which he welcomed with a tiny smile and nod. "But I... Fuck, I'm still worried about what you're doing. Homelander is extremely dangerous, Ben. I don't think you should get yourself in more trouble than you already are." 

Ben would be lying if he said he wasn't surprised by your concern, it made him feel strange, actually. No one had actually shown him such selfless care before. Everyone always needed something from him or were just pretending to care for him. But no you. Everything you had done for him you had done because you wanted to, not because you had to. And he still didn't know why. 

"Listen darlin', I can't tell you much, but I can tell you this— I had a mission before you found me. I started something and now I need to finish it." You frowned even more, and he couldn't help but reach his fingers to smooth the tight lines above your brow, and for some reason, you let him. "I have done some pretty bad shit, I'm not gonna lie about that, but if I can do one good thing by killing that motherfucker, I will. I can't just sit here while he's out there doing God knows what and with nobody to tell him otherwise." 

"I don't know what it is that you got yourself into, or that you got me into, but we're here now. I just ask you that you tell me what's going on. I think I've proven to you that you can trust me." You finally said with a long breath, but you still felt that pressure on your chest. "Do what you gotta do, just be careful." 

His lips curved up into a small smile. A genuine smile. He hesitated at first, but something in his chest told him to do it. You had already slapped him once anyway. He closed his eyes for just a second and leaned down, his lips touching your forehead ever so slightly. 

"Don't you worry about me, sweetheart. There's nothing that fucker can do that hasn't already been done to me before. I'll be okay." 

He'll be okay as long as you let him stay because somehow, you have been the only thing keeping him sane.

[hello0780]

solitaire Ranttttt

I love this book and I've read it at least 30 times. i just want to say before I start that these are my personal opinions about the book.

I know i said I've read it a lot but i still don't know everything so please don't get mad if i get any facts incorrect.

Solitaire starts as Victoria (tori) Spring is starting school after x-mas or winter break. Tori lives with her mom, dad, and two brothers, Charlie and Oliver. Charlie, who is also in the heartstopper comics, struggles with an ED. I truly think that this effects Tori's life a lot. I know its not Charlies fault but I'm sure tori is almost constantly worrying about him. Tori and her mother don't get along very well. I'm not entirely sure why they don't but i think they touch more on that fact in This Winter. I've read it but it was a long time ago and i really need a reread.

on a different note. I've been needed to talk about this but none of my friends care enough. This is a controversial opinion but i hate Becky. she is such a bitch to tori and i just can't stand her. i know most of the time when tori and her would fight it would be when Becky is drunk but that doesn't make anything she has done right. she dated Ben Hope, one of the worst people in the universe of solitaire. i guess i don't really have a true reason to hate her accept for the fact that i have had friends like Becky. its all fine and its a beautiful friendship, then out of nowhere they go behind you and become friends or start dating someone that isn't a good person. they don't know they are a bad person and you do. and if you try to tell them that they are a bad person they either don't care or they don't believe you. I truly don't get why people like Becky. this is way too much but I'm going to do it any way. I'm going to analyze one of their fights.

pages 226-228 Solitaire

Becky was kissing Ben Hope after 100% knowing how awful of a person he was and still is to her best friends little brother. Tori sees this happening at the Solitaire party and is furious. which is completely reasonable because of how actually nasty he is.

after ben walks off Becky asks tori what she's looking at. in the next bit tori just goes off on her saying stuff like "you are a nasty bitch," and "you just don't care, do you?"

"that's it isn't it? I'm you naive little friend whose sad little life makes you feel better about yourself. well, you're absolutely spot-on there. I haven't got a single clue about anything. But you know what i do know? I know when someone is being a nasty bitch. Go ahead and cry your little crocodile tears if you want to. You don't fucking care at all do you?" this is a rant Tori goes on while arguing. This leaves Becky absolutely speechless.

"well- you- you're the one being a nasty bitch! Jesus Christ just calm down." After Becky says this Tori tells the reader that, i quote, "this is bad. I need to stop. I can't" Tori is now aware that she can't help was she says anymore. She no longer trust Becky. She no longer has a "BFF". Becky has betrayed her.

Tori continues to yell at Becky. "I'm sorry - do you have any comprehension of the level of betrayal you have just reached? Do you have any concept of friendship? I didn't think it was possible for someone to be that selfish, but clearly i've been wrong all this time" Tori is very very upset now and then says " You've killed me. You've literally killed me."

Becky has single handedly DESTORYED Tori. Becky is awful, and of course she just tells her to calm down. she literally was just making out with a boy that SA'd HER BEST FRIENDS BROTHER! and she knew he did it. which is ACTUALLY INSANE!!!!!

just the amount of betrayal and shit she caused makes be fucking sick to my stomach. yeah i do know that its a fake story and they aren't real people. it's just the fact that people like Becky do really do shit like this. I can't believe people are actually capable of stuff like this.

i really need to shut up but i have two more quotes from Tori then I'll stop.

"You have solidly proven that everyone and everything is shit. well done. Gold star. please delete yourself from my life."

" i am gone. I am gone. I guess everyone is like this. Smiles, hugs, years together, holidays, late night confessions, tears, phone calls, one million words - they don't mean anything. Becky doesn't care. No one really cares."

thank you for listening/reading

[marlinspirkhall]

Songs which contain the secret:

Just by Radiohead

Yes by Coldplay

Hush by Deep Purple

Crucify by Tori Amos

For My Lover by Tracy Chapman

Waterloo Sunset by The Kinks

Songs which don't know they contain the secret:

Broken Hearted Melody by Sarah Vaughan

Whipping Post by The Allman Brothers

SW by Blonde Redhead

Semi-Automatic by O Mer

Lent by Autoheart

Pissing In A River by Patti Smith

Songs which are waiting for you to tell them:

Mess by Ben Folds

A Distorted Reality Is A Necessity To Be Free (demo version) by Elliott Smith

Drop The Pilot by Joan Armatrading

You've Got The Love by Florence + The Machine

Songs which are still searching for it:

42 by Coldplay

Hotel California by The Eagles

Jigsaw Falling Into Place by Radiohead

Blood Makes Noise by Suzanne Vega

Worried About Ray by The Hoosiers

Songs which wish they knew it:

Kill V. Maim by Grimes

TALES OF DOMINICA by Lil Nas X

They ache for it:

Pulaski At Night by Andrew Bird

I Think I'm Gonna Kill Myself by Elton John

Songs which once knew it, but then the secret changed:

Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen

Feeling Good by Nina Simone

Pavlov's Bell by Aimee Mann

Songs which are just as surprised as you are by what they find inside themselves:

I Need My Girl by The National

Turn The Page by Bob Seger

Sister Golden Hair by America

Plainclothes Man by Heatmiser

Songs which know, but will never tell you:

Tomorrow Is Today by Billy Joel

I Can't Tell You Why by The Eagles

Ooh by Scissor Sisters

Songs which will tell you, given time:

Over My Shoulder by MIKA

Beyond The Sea by Bobby Darin

Songs which don't contain the secret, but if you never listen to them, the others won't tell you:

The Bends by Radiohead

Journey Of The Sorcerer by The Eagles

Songs which make you glad you don't know it:

Lost In The Citadel by Lil Nas X

Fast As You Can by Fiona Apple

I Love You Goodbye by Thomas Dolby

Songs which were imbued with it by mistake and won't give it back:

Strawberry Swing (cover) by Frank Ocean

Night Shift by Lucy Dacus

Humpty by Mitski