#ben solo needs a nap!

[allthatglxtters]

Nico still prefered to keep his own company, especially in a place like this. He barely understood his life usually, much less in current circumstances, so when he wasn't in classes the demigod was trying to puzzle through what was happening and wandering around town.

His wandering today had brought him to to the edges of town, where he quickly found he wasn't alone as he saw the other man meditating. And saw rocks and other things floating around him. Nico had taken a step back when the other seemed to focus on him and came back down to the ground, the demigod pushing his hands into his pockets and giving the other man a slight shake of his head.

"No, you're definitely fine. There wasn't exactly anything loud about your meditation. I didn't mean to interrupt, should've scouted my surrounding's a bit more. Do you come here a lot? I'll avoid the place if it's special to you."

Open Starter || Ben Solo

it was time to let the past die. a long time ago he thought that meant burying the past under years of hatred and rage. now? now letting go meant find peace. he didn’t think he had ever had that before, Ben didn’t think he’d ever have it. but he had to try, didn’t he?

he wished the jedi masters of old that his uncle had talked about were here to guide him. rey had felt their presence once…he didn’t feel any of them. but he couldn’t hope for much, he supposed. what jedi master would want to take on the task of helping an ex-sith?

“be with me.” he whispered, continuing to close his eyes. he wanted to focus, he felt himself in the air, felt the rock shift around him, felt every little pebble….including the ones that were crushed under walking feet.

ben guided himself back down the the ground, feeling sheepish about meditating and being so open with himself with someone so nearby. “i didn’t know anyone else was around. i hope i wasn’t too loud…”

@ivycovestarters

[squibsterr]

Posting this cuz I like to check in and say hi to this fandom every once in a while. It's just a short, corny, unfinished fanfic. I'm not really a writer but maybe someone will enjoy this

__________________________________________

It was peaceful for once, maybe because the room lacked the sound of Ghost rambling on about something or yelling at Spooker and Colon for whatever. The only sound was the squeak squeak squeaaak of the swivel chair, and it was starting to get to Toast. His eyebrow twitched and he sighed in annoyance. “Spooker, can you please stop that?” he asked politely, but in an angry tone.

Spooker immediately quit what he was doing ���Oh! Sorry boss” he laughed nervously and started fiddling with his thumbs. Toast smiled “Tell you what,” he began as he shut the filing cabinet. “Why don't you and Colon go solve a case for me?” he suggested. “Really!?” Spooker yelled and Ghost jumped up from his nap. “Wha- wha’s going on?” he slurred. Spooker almost fell with how much he leaned out of his seat in excitement.

“Yes it would be very helpful” Toast nodded his head. Chris looked from his phone as what was being said piqued his interest. “What's the call about?” he asked. Toast took a second to recall. “Well some guy called about how when he sat up from his chair, he turned around and it was gone” he explained. Chris raised his eyebrow with an unamused expression.

“Oh, that one?” Ghost lifted his head back up. “Yeah have them go to that. It'll give me time to actually sleep” he stared daggers at Spooker. Spooker jumped up and squealed in delight. “Ooooh did you hear that Colon? We're going on a solo mission!” he shook his fists. Chris sat up from his chair. “Yeah man, but it's not a solo mission if two people are going” he corrected. “Oh... Haha… well then I guess it's a duo mission?” he shrugged. Chris reached up his hand for a high five and Spooker gave him one. “Heck yeah” he smiled.

Spooker was jumping up and down. “Let's go pack the equipment!” he said, and they both ran off. Ghost looked up at Toast. “That was a good idea, Johnny. I'm ninety-nine percent sure that call was a prank call” he said. Toast stared at the door their two co-workers' exited. “Well, I wasn't trying to be mean sir. I was just giving them a reason to get out of headquarters for a while” he had a look of guilt on his face. Ghost let his head fall back down on the desk. “Well now I can finally take my nap,” he said. Toast chuckled. “You do that sir” he rubbed the other's back before turning away.

______________________

“Alright, so the place should be the last house on this street…” Chris turned the car. Spooker seemed unnerved. “Man, this area is eerily quiet. I haven't seen any other cars drive around here” he said as he looked around. Chris quickly patted his head. “It's not that out of the ordinary. I mean it is getting pretty late. And maybe this area is just peaceful” he said.

“Yeah your right” Spooker agreed. Chris pulled the car into the driveway of the client's house, the headlights shining onto it and he parked the car. “Alright let's go,” he said and they both got out.

They made their way to the porch and knocked on the door. They waited, waited, and waited. Chris was tapping his foot in boredom and Spooker tiredly leaned his head on his shoulder. “Maybe he’s not ho-” he was cut off by the door abruptly opening. It revealed a disheveled-looking man who seemed as if he hadn't slept in days. “Hey, you here about the ghost?” He asked.

Chris nodded his head. “Yup, Chris Ghostie and Fred Soup at your service sir” he reached out to shake the man's hand, but he just stared at it. Chris seemed a little weirded out. “Are you gonna…?” He trailed off. “Oh!” He exclaimed in realization as he snapped out of his haze. He took Chris’s hand and frantically started shaking it. “My names… Ben. Thank you so much for coming!” he said a bit louder than needed. Chris had to pry his hand out of Ben’s. “It's no problem” he shifted his gaze to the ground uncomfortably. Spooker smiled. “Can you show us inside?” he asked. “Oh, yes” Ben turned around to get the door.

The two P.I.E members followed the man into the house. It was very dirty and looked abandoned. The two of them felt uneasy but they couldn't back out. Ben turned around to look at them with an awkward grin on his face. “W- welcome to my home please make yourself… at home?” he said. There was a brief silence before Chris spoke up. “Right… and can you tell us where you've been having paranormal problems?” he asked.

“Oh uh- yeah” Ben stuttered. He pointed to a room next to them. “In there,” he said. “Okay we'll get right to it sir” Chris responded and Ben went to sit on the only furniture in sight, his torn-up couch. Chris turned to look at Spooker and held his hand in front of the side of his face so Ben wouldn't hear. “There’s definitely something wrong with that man” he whispered. Spooker gasped. “How could you just say that dude?” he hushed. Chris gestured to Ben. “Just look at him,” he said. Ben was muttering to himself, his eyelid twitching while also chewing on his fingernail. “He looks like a zombie he's seriously giving me the creeps dude. And this place looks like it hasn't been lived in, in years” he explained.

“Well all is see is a troubled man in need of our help” Spooker crossed his arms and pouted. Chris just sighed. “Whatever man let's just put a pin in it for now. Let's go” he reached for the doorknob of the room and upon contact it immediately fell off. “Well that's just great,” Spooker said sarcastically. Chris took a step back and kicked the door open. Spooker stared in awe. “Wow, man that was awesome!” Spooked exclaimed, Chris smirked. “Yeah I know I'm pretty cool” They both crept into the room, the floorboards creaking under their feet. The only thing they could see was a chair in the middle of the room.

Spooker whimpered in fear. “It’s so dark in here. The only thing I can see is-“ he turned around and the entrance of the room was completely gone. Chris went to feel around the wall. “What the hell Where'd it go!?” he questioned. Spooker started yelling at the top of his lungs. “Spooker!… Spooker!… Snap out of it Fred!” Chris smacked him across the face. Spooker rubbed his cheek. “Ow,” he whined.

“Listen, man, in a situation like this we have to ask ourselves what we do if we were Ghost and Toast?” he asked. Spooker paused and hummed in thought. “Kiss?” he suggested. “What!? No w- okay they totally would” he laughed. Spooker raised his eyebrow. “But I don't think kissing is going to help us out of this situation…” he said. “Oh wait! Colon our flashlights!” he pulled a flashlight out from his utility belt and switched it on

“Good thinking dude” Chris did the same and they shined their lights toward the chair. The light revealed a dark hallway leading to who knows where

[askbensolo]

Chapter 26: Fifth Supper / See You in July

Hi, I’m Ben, Nice to Meet You Masterlist

I spent the rest of that day mostly in my chambers. I took a fat nap since I hadn’t slept the night before, but despite my exhaustion, my sleep was restless. I kept on waking up and wondering why the sun was so bright, then remembering where I was and what had happened. Oh, yeah, I’d remember in a half-awake daze. I just blew up my life.

At the same time…it was a huge relief not to be hiding things anymore.

I put off going down for lunch for a long time because I was afraid to run into Fannie. I contemplated skipping it altogether, but my stomach wasn’t a huge fan of that idea. I headed downstairs and hung awkwardly around the entrance of the dining hall for a while, trying to see if I saw her anywhere.

“Ben Solo,” someone said, and I turned—and there was Ginnie, with Fashha standing beside her.

I was surprised they had approached me. “Um…hi,” I said. I looked over to see who was at their table—no one else was. “Where are Fannie and Connie?”

I tried to sound casual, and not like I was trying to avoid Fannie like the blue shadow virus.

“Fannie and Connie are in our bedchamber,” said Ginnie. “Fannie is resting, and Connie is watching over her.”

“Oh,” I said, surprised. In all my observations of her, Connie had never come across as particularly nurturing…but perhaps she at least cared about her sisters, when it really came down to it.

“My mother wishes to speak with you,” said Ginnie, in her usual monotone, and I blinked, looking from Ginnie to Fashha.

“...All right,” I said. Fashha stepped forward, and took both of my hands with sincerity—a gesture that shocked me.

“Thank you,” she said in Basic, and then continued to say more in Twi’leki that I could not understand. But I could tell from her facial expression and her body language that, whatever she said, she really, really meant it.

“My mother wants to thank you for taking care of Fa’nakhra,” Ginnie translated. “Fannie told us what happened last night, and that you made sure no one hurt her.”

“Oh,” I said, embarrassed. “Well…no problem. Did she, um…tell you about Pennie? What Pennie did to her? And tried to do?”

Fashha’s eyes darkened, and she spoke again.

“Fa’nakhra needs to stop trying to force her foreign ideas on her sister, and learn that this is the way things work here,” Ginnie explained. “Fannie has been away from Ryloth too long, and forgotten our way of life. A woman must always do what she has to in order to secure the best position for herself. But Pen’awen must also learn that women cannot afford to make unnecessary enemies out of one another, least of all their own sisters. She must learn to ignore Fa’nakhra instead of retaliating.”

“‘Can’t afford to make unnecessary enemies?’” I repeated indignantly, frowning at Ginnie. “‘Ignore Fannie, instead of retaliating?’ That’s all your mom has to say? What, does she not get it? Pennie drugged your sister and tried to get her assaulted, for crying out loud! I don’t think your mom really gets it—”

Fashha let go of my hands and took a step back when I raised my voice, but Ginnie did not react.

“I am merely repeating my mother’s words to you, Ben Solo,” Ginnie said coolly. “You have a different way of looking at things—as does Fannie. You and Fannie are entitled to your ways of seeing things. My mother is entitled to hers.”

“And how do you see things, Ginnie?” I challenged.

“That is for me alone to know,” said Ginnie, without expression.

I glared at her, frustrated…then looked at Fashha, who was watching me now with guarded concern as if questioning again whether to trust me.

I could understand now, more than ever, the tension that Fannie faced in her relationship with her family. I had always known how much she loved her mother and her sisters..but now I knew how insanely difficult they must be for her to love. How in the galaxy do you love people who are so, so wrong in their ways of thinking? If I were in her place, I would have simply cut contact with them.

I was beginning to think I ought to suggest that to Fannie, for her own sake. I didn’t want her living with a family who refused to understand how horribly Pennie had hurt her and put her in danger. But…I knew Fannie wouldn’t listen to anything I had to say now. In fact, she wouldn’t have listened even before I had lost her trust. Her desire to do whatever she thought was right, no matter the personal cost, was too strong.

I thought again of the domesticated blurrgs, who had never known a world outside of the one they had been raised to accept. Fashha and her daughters were like that.

…Could a tamed blurrg ever become wild again?

“I, um…apologize for losing my temper,” I said at last. I couldn’t apologize for calling Fashha out on how little she seemed to care about either Pennie or Fannie, because I didn’t think I was wrong for that…but I could apologize for losing my temper, so I would. “Can you tell that to your mom?”

Ginnie turned to Fashha and translated. Fashha nodded, and spoke in return.

“She forgives you,” said Ginnie. “She understands that you are possessive of your mate, and that the thought of Fannie nearly being claimed by another man at the banquet is upsetting to you.”

My eyes bulged out of my head. That was so not the point.

But…I figured that was maybe the best I was gonna get. And anyway, when I’d first come here a few days ago, Fashha had not even been willing to speak to me.

I didn’t trust myself not to say something rude again if I opened my mouth, so I simply inclined my head.

“Ben Solo!”

And I turned and looked again, and now Vataash was approaching me.

Wow! Wasn’t I popular?

Vataash looked beat up from his brawl with Nabohri last night, but his eye was looking a lot better, now. The bacta patch had certainly helped.

More than that, though…he had a huge smile on his face that showed off all of his sharpened teeth.

“You did not speak in jest, nerra, when you said Pentarra offered you a place of honor at the banquet,” Vataash said with a cheerful laugh. “I did not believe you, at first. I truly thought you were lying.”

Oh! So I was nerra, now! As if he hadn’t spit in my face only yesterday!

“Well—I’ve definitely told a lot of lies over the past few days,” I said—but he didn’t seem to hear me.

“Please!” Vataash said, extending his hand backward to gesture toward the farthest table on the men’s side of the hall. “Eat at my table. You can sit on my right. Nabohri is sitting at my left.”

“Nabohri?” I asked, surprised. “Is he…okay?”

Vataash smiled a dry smile. “Oh, of course he is. And more importantly, he has recovered from his delusions of grandeur, remembered his place, and humbled himself appropriately.”

I squinted as I looked toward Vataash’s table. Yes, there was Nabohri, taller than anyone else even when he was sitting…and now he had a white bacta patch pasted over the left side of his face and the bridge of his nose. He stared dispiritedly down at the table, looking as if his mind were somewhere else while the boys around him all joked and laughed.

I turned back to Vataash. “I’m surprised he’s willing to sit beside you, after what you did to him,” I said.

“He should be surprised that I am willing to let him sit beside me,” Vataash said smoothly, and his arrogance annoyed me. “An honor, as I said, that I now extend to you. Come, Ben Solo! I would certainly consider your presence an honor as well.”

Vataash may have seen himself as the leader of his brothers. But it was clear to me now that he was no leader at all—he simply took his cues from his father. Pentarra had honored me. Now Vataash wanted some of that honor, too.

“Ben Solo usually sits with us,” said Ginnie unexpectedly, and both Vataash and I turned.

Ginnie did not have any readable expression on her face. Just that same, heavy-lidded stare. Vataash paused—before giving a condescending chuckle. “Likely only because he has had no other choice,” he said, with a snake-like smile.

Ginnie shrugged. “Perhaps,” she said. And then she turned and said something else to her mother, and they headed off to their table.

I looked at Vataash, and then over at his table. (I noticed Pentarra’s table, too, and observed that Pennie was strangely absent—not that Pentarra seemed to mind. He was currently grabbing one of the servant girls by the hips to place her on his lap).

I was quiet for a moment.

“Thank you, Vataash,” I said. “But uh…I think I’ll sit with Ginnie and Fashha.”

Vataash looked shocked by this response.

Insulted, even. As if I’d told him I’d rather sit in the bottom of a trash compactor.

“...Of course,” I told him, “you’re welcome to sit with me, if you want.” And then I smiled, and couldn’t help throwing in: “You could even sit at my right.”

Vataash stared at me.

And then he turned without a word, and walked away.

I didn’t know what the future of my relationship with Fannie was…but I appreciated what little kindness Fashha and Ginnie showed me. Even though it was just the three of us at the table, they didn’t speak to me any more than they had the previous few days—but Fashha served me the rice herself, and Ginnie did not laugh or even look at me when I gave up on my fingers and started licking rice out of my cupped palm like a dog instead. (She did, however, smile down at her plate…but I don’t think I could blame her for that.)

The surprises were not over yet, though, and I proved to be more popular still—because partway through lunch, who should come over and sit next to me but Mikal?

“Hi, Ben,” he said, and Fashha and Ginnie looked up quizzically. “May I sit here?”

“You already are,” I joked, delighted to see him—and he looked down, and then back at me.

“Oh. I suppose you’re right,” he said, and stood up again. “May I sit here?”

I stifled a laugh, then looked at Fashha and Ginnie. I figured it was more their call than mine.

Fashha looked at Mikal for a moment, then back at her plate. Again, she did not consider this any of her business. Ginnie, however, did not seem to be above involving herself for once.

“Why would you want to sit here?” she asked Mikal. “This is not your mother’s table. You are too old to sit on the women’s side, anyway.”

“I do not think there is a rule that I can only sit at my mother’s table, or on the men’s side,” said Mikal. “After all: Ben is here too, and he is no longer a child, nor is he your mother’s son. I think the only rule is that I must ask your permission first.”

Atta boy, Mikal. I couldn’t help but grin.

Ginnie blinked slowly. And then she shrugged, and went back to her food.

Mikal stayed standing. I knew he needed verbal confirmation before he’d be willing to sit down.

“Ginnie gives you permission to sit,” I told him, and patted the place next to me. Mikal nodded, and sat.

“Is Fa’nakhra all right?” Mikal asked me.

“Yeah, I think so,” I said. “She’s in her room with her sister now.”

“Good,” said Mikal. “She did not look well last night.”

“No, not at all,” I agreed. “Where’s your food, Mikal?”

“I already ate it,” he said. “I didn’t want to take the food from your table.”

I was about to tell him that the same food was served at all the tables, and that there always seemed to be more than enough…but I decided not to press the matter.

“Ben, I was wondering something,” said Mikal.

“Yeah?” I asked, placing a piece of meat on my handful of rice before shoving the whole thing in my mouth.

“Yes,” he said. “At the bonfire, you mentioned that you went to college.”

“Oh…yeah.” I coughed, wondering how to explain to him that all the stuff I’d boasted about that afternoon wasn’t true (especially with Ginnie sitting right across from me). But…it turned out that wasn’t why Mikal had brought it up.

“Do you…think that I could go to college, someday?” Mikal asked, sounding shy, or embarrassed—which was unusual, because he never seemed shy or embarrassed. “I have never been to school before. I believe that is usually a prerequisite.”

I looked at him, pleasantly surprised.

“Hey, that’s a great question,” I said. “I’m not sure. But—I definitely think you should. You seem like a pretty smart kid.”

“Thank you,” he said. “I think I would enjoy learning. And…it would be exciting to see what’s outside of Ryloth.”

I also thought that getting Mikal off of Ryloth—or at the very least, out of here—would be really good for him.

“You’re—what, fifteen, right?” I asked.

“Yes.”

“Then you’ve got a few years,” I told him. “Tell you what: when I get back home, I’ll look into it and see what I can find out.”

Mikal smiled (something that was also rare for him). I smiled back, and patted him on the shoulder. We exchanged contact information, and I said I would reach out to him later.

“Man…it sucks that I don’t know when I’ll ever see you again, little buddy,” I told him. “You’re a good kid. I’m gonna miss you.”

“Yes—I will miss you, too,” Mikal said. “Perhaps when I am old enough, I can go to the same college you went to on Naboo. And then we could see each other again.”

I smiled at the thought…but I knew I wasn’t going to be on Naboo for much longer. Once I told my mom that Snoke had started talking to me again, there was no way she wouldn’t force me to move back home—even if I never heard from him for the rest of my days.

“Well,” I said slowly, “I don’t know where I’ll be, a few years from now. But…I do hope we see each other again.”

Mikal nodded. “Me, too. I like you, Ben.”

I grinned, and rubbed my non-food hand over the top of his head. “I like you, too, nerra.”

After lunch, I went back up to my room and drafted a script of what to say to my mom. I also started a list of things I’d need to do in order to move back in with my parents on Hosnian Prime.

Unlike the chamber Fannie and I had spent the previous night in, there was only one mirror in my room—a standing glass against the wall. I could see it from the table I was working at, and I looked up at myself every once in a while. Waved. Tried to grin at Ben Solo.

Hey, bud. I’m here for you, I told him. We’re gonna get through it.

Now that I looked at him again…I didn’t really hate him so much. I knew he was doing his best.

Certainly more than he had been the past few months.

My pre-lunch nap hadn’t made me any less sleep-deprived. At some point in the afternoon, I fell asleep while still sitting at the table. I dreamt I was looking into the mirror, and that the reflection of myself rippled like the water in a pond. When the glass cleared, I saw someone else standing there: a guy who looked about my age, with a strong brow like mine, and deep-set eyes like my mom’s, and a cleft chin like Luke’s.

I stared at him, trying to determine if I knew who he was. He looked oddly familiar…though I also felt pretty sure I had never seen him before in my life.

“You did the right thing, Ben,” he said, his voice calm. Relaxed. Warm.

I looked behind myself, as if he were speaking to someone else—even though he had addressed me by name, and I was the only one in the room.

“Well…I wouldn’t congratulate myself that hard,” I replied, and because it was a dream, I didn’t feel weird about talking to a mirror. “I mean…I sure took my sweet time doing it. And anyway…is it really any reason to pat myself on the shoulder? That I finally went back and undid a huge mistake that I was responsible for? It’s not like I even undid it, really. All I did was say sorry. Sorry doesn’t fix anything.”

“You’re right,” the guy said solemnly. “One action does not reverse all the consequences of our past decisions. Everything is connected in the Force, and the mistakes we make at one time will have long-reaching impacts far into the future. You and I are both aware that darkness does not easily die, and that the fruits of our dark deeds will follow us even after we have turned away from them.”

I nodded grimly.

“But” he said, his blue eyes shining, “the light side of the Force always stands ready to welcome, Ben—always. You need only to choose it. That is the one thing the light asks: no matter how long you have spent evading it, no matter what you have already done, and no matter what consequences for your past actions still await you—all that the light requires is that you turn. Darkness will always follow us…but the light will always pursue us, Ben. And even if we cannot escape the things we have already done…we always have the ability to choose what we will do next. Remember that, Ben Solo.”

It sounded like the kind of thing Uncle Luke would say…only, it didn’t make me want to roll my eyes.

I had no idea who this guy was. But for some reason, I felt an undeniable connection to him. As if our souls matched, somehow. “...Thanks,” I said. “I’ll try to remember that. But…wait. Who are you?”

The man only smiled at me…but he did not answer.

And then there was a knock on the door and I jolted awake, and realized I had been asleep with my head on the table and drool hanging out of my mouth. I quickly checked my holopod—it was six-thirty.

I hadn’t expected to hear from Fannie the rest of that day—maybe even the rest of my trip. Maybe even ever. So you can imagine my surprise when I opened my door and found Fannie herself—back in her ruffled sky-blue robes, and holding a tray of food.

“Oh! Uh—hi, Fan,” I said—surprised, embarrassed, and a little scared. I quickly brushed the back of my wrist against my mouth to get rid of any leftover drool.

“Hi, Ben,” she said. “Ah…may I come in?”

I looked down the hall behind her. “You came up to the men’s quarters?” I asked.

Fannie shuffled her feet antsily. “Well…everyone else is at supper right now,” she said. “And…after I thought about it…I decided it was very important that we talk before you leave Ryloth tomorrow.”

I looked over my shoulder, back into the room. “It’s…just me in here,” I said, in spite of the dream I’d just had. “I don’t know if you…um…feel okay, being in the room with me alone. Which I can totally understand, of course.”

Fannie shook her head. “No…you were right, Ben. I do know you. Maybe there are things you’ve concealed from me recently. Things you’ve told me over the past month that weren’t true. But…I do know you, Ben—I’ve known you for a very long time—and…I know your nature: both your flaws, and your virtues.”

I nodded, and let her in. But…I made sure to give her a lot of space. I sat down again at the table where I had been working, and let her decide where she wanted to sit.

She looked around, then placed the food tray on the coffee table between the armchair and the fireplace. She took a couple of the pillows I had tossed off of the bed and placed them on either side of the table. And then she gathered her skirts and sat neatly on top of one of the pillows, tucking her knees beneath herself in that way she always did.

She looked gently up at me from where she sat.

“...Would you like to join me, Ben?” she asked softly.

My chest ached. The thought of getting close to her pained me.

“You sure?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

“Yes,” she said, with a faint, sad smile. “Please. Come and eat with me, my friend.”

My friend. Maybe, to someone else, it would have hurt to hear that. But to me…it was a relief. I could stand to lose her as my girlfriend, as much as I didn’t want to—but to lose her friendship completely would have been far, far worse.

I stood up and approached quietly, sinking cross-legged onto the cushion she had laid down for me.

“Are you, um…feeling better, Fan?” I asked.

She nodded. “Physically, yes. In other respects…well, I have a lot I’m still grappling with.”

“Yeah, I’ll bet you do,” I said softly. “I mean…you’re someone who has always seen the best in everyone, even in those who are most difficult to love. You hold out hope for people like crazy—even when others tell you not to. I’ve watched you fight tooth and nail to defend those you care about. Those whom no one else believes in. So…I’m sure it’s horrible to feel like they were right, and like you let yourself get hurt.”

She looked at me, stunned.

“Yes. Precisely,” she said. “I’m…surprised you could put it into words so neatly.”

“Well,” I said quietly. “I know you pretty well, too.”

We looked at each other. Embarrassed. And…sad.

She held her hands out to me on the table, her palms facing up, and my chest felt like it was going to burst as I placed my fingers gently on top of hers, my palms facing down.

We sat like that for what felt like forever. And I thought about that moment, so many years ago, when we had first met. When I had forgotten what a handshake was, touched my finger to hers, and immediately ran away…

Two nights ago we’d been giggling and holding each other under a quintet of moonlight.

Tonight we sat two feet across from each other, and holding hands hurt.

“...You brought food,” I said, breaking the silence.

She nodded. “Yes. I didn’t see you at dinner, and…I thought you might be hungry.”

I laughed softly. “You are so obsessed with me getting enough to eat.”

“Well…I care about you,” she said—and my heart threatened to break right then and there, because I knew she meant it, even after everything. I didn’t know if she still wanted to be with me, and I didn’t expect her to. But…I knew that she still loved me with the same love she had had for me since the very beginning of our friendship.

I ran my thumbs lightly against the backs of her index fingers.

“...I didn’t think you’d want to see me again,” I said quietly.

“I wasn’t sure I would, either,” she said. “But…I don’t know that we left things as complete as they ought to have been, when I walked away from you this morning. I don’t know that I gave you as much a chance to apologize as I should have.”

“I don’t blame you,” I said. “I don’t think I apologized as well as I should have, with whatever chance you did give me. I’m so sorry, Fannie. I wasn’t good to you. You deserve so much better. I screwed up, big-time.”

I knew that those words by themselves wouldn’t do anything—not that any multitude of words would have done anything, since I’d made my words cheap—but my voice broke under the weight of them, and under the weight of how much meaning they bore for me. I meant what I said—I really, really meant it.

She didn’t say anything. And I knew she was struggling to come up with something that was both appropriate to say and true to how she felt.

It’s okay? Well, it wasn’t.

I forgive you? Perhaps she didn’t.

Damn straight, Solo, you bet your sorry ass you did?

Well, Fannie would never say that…though I wondered if she didn’t at least think it.

“...I love you a lot,” I said, after she had been silent for a while. “I never thought I would, but…I do. Once I decided that was how I saw you now, loving you came naturally. But…loving you well didn’t, and…I wish I’d done a better job.” I looked down at my lap. “I thought I was doing a good job. Getting a good grade in ‘boyfriend,’ or whatever. All those stupid poems I sent you. All the love songs I wrote. But…I failed at loving you in the way you deserve to be loved, because…I loved myself more. And…I’m so sorry, Fan. I know there’s nothing I can do to make you believe me, but…”

“...No, I believe you,” she said softly. “And, um…actually, Ben…I have something I need to apologize to you for, too.”

I stared at her, not sure what she could possibly have to confess.

“...What do you mean?”

“Well…” said Fannie, playing with the ruffles in her skirts, “you may have hidden what you did from me for weeks. But…there is something that I have failed to be honest with you about for much, much longer, and it has to do with Deirak.”

“Deirak…?” I echoed, frowning. “But…you guys broke up years ago.”

“Which makes it all the more embarrassing that I have waited so long to tell you,” said Fannie quietly. “I suppose I rationalized it by thinking it was something you didn’t need to know. But…since you’ve come clean about the things you weren’t telling me…I think it’s only fair to you that I do the same. You’re not the only one who can be selfish, after all.”

I looked at her curiously. She was the last person I’d ever describe as selfish. “Well…I have no idea where you’re going with this,” I said. “So…go right ahead.”

Fannie nodded, and let go of my hands. “Please,” she said, gesturing toward the food she had brought. “Eat.”

I recognized at once her old habit of trying to take care of others whenever she felt uncomfortable. My mom did that, too. But I was starting to feel hungry—so I was more than happy to humor her. I was also glad that the food she had brought was flatbread and stew, which wasn’t too hard to eat without utensils. The stew was in a bowl, so I could slurp it up, then use the flatbread to mop out the rest.

“Let me start from the very beginning,” Fannie said. “All the way back to when you and I first met. There was always something that drew me towards you, Ben. I wouldn’t say it was love at first sight, really—but I felt an immediate connection to you, and it was certainly not long before I began to feel attracted to you.”

“I mean…I kinda remember something like that,” I said, lowering the bowl from my lips. “You told me you liked me when we were sixteen and seventeen. In the cave.”

“Yes,” she said, with a little smile. “And you told me you didn’t like me back.”

I laughed. “Well, yeah. ‘Cause I didn’t. Not like how I do now.”

She giggled, too.

It felt so good to hear her laugh.

“Well…yes,” she said. “I knew you weren’t interested in dating, back then, so I knew that I could never have you. I…also knew you were starting to realize I liked you, and that it was making you feel uncomfortable.”

“...Oh,” I said awkwardly. “You, uh…picked up on that?”

She nodded. “Yes. I noticed you were starting to distance yourself from me. And I began to feel so miserable and alone.” She paused. “Now…I knew that Deirak liked me. He had shown interest in me for a while—but I had never been interested in him. And then I had a thought: perhaps if you saw me going out with Deirak, you might feel safe to be close with me again. And…perhaps it would take away some of the pain to simply have someone to call my own, even if it wasn’t you.”

I raised my brow. Now this was certainly a side of the story I had never heard.

“So,” Fannie went on, “I asked Deirak to be my boyfriend. And…my plan worked. Once you knew I already had a boyfriend, you stopped worrying about my feelings for you and started being close with me again. But…even though I started dating Deirak, I was in love with you, dear, the whole time.”

“Gee, uh…am I dumb or something?” I asked, scratching the back of my neck. “How did I not see that?”

Fannie smiled. “You’re not dumb, Ben. You can just be a little clueless at times.”

“Well, I know that.”

“But…I think Deirak could tell,” she said. “He sometimes questioned the nature of my friendship with you. I always denied that I loved you as anything more than a brother, and promised Deirak that he was the only one I liked. Oh, I liked Deirak, of course. But…only as much as I liked the mere concept of having a boyfriend. It was you I was in love with, Ben—and I regret that I strung Deirak along for so long, and never gave him all of my heart the way he gave his to me.”

“Uh…wow,” I said. “Does…Deirak know all this?”

“Oh, yes,” said Fannie with a melancholy smile. “In fact…it was the real reason that he and I broke up.”

I paused with a piece of flatbread in my mouth.

“I thought you two broke up because you were going in different directions at the end of Jedi school,” I said, taking out the bread to speak. “Because you were going to Ryloth, and he was going to stay on Ossus.”

“Well…that was what pushed me to finally confess the truth to him,” Fannie said. “It was becoming clear at that point that he and I did not have a future together. Once I could no longer deny that, I knew it was necessary that I tell him the truth: that I had never loved him in the way that he loved me, and that although I loved having a boyfriend, I didn’t love him. That I’d spent the past three years using him to ease the pain of not being able to have you.”

Well, I was floored. I didn’t know what I was more shocked by: a) the fact that this had been going on at all, b) the fact that Fannie had never told me any of it, or c) the fact that I hadn’t paid close enough attention to notice.

“And…how did Deirak respond when you told him that?” I asked.

Fannie laughed sheepishly. “Well…he certainly wasn’t happy about it. Nor was he happy that I had repeatedly told him otherwise whenever he had asked during the course of our relationship. So you see…you are not the only one between us, Ben, who has lied in a relationship to make themselves look better.”

“Gosh,” I said. “I, uh…don’t know what to say. Wait, so—did you even break up with him, like you told me you did? Or…did he break up with you?”

“It’s…hard to say,” Fannie said softly, her mind in the past. “I don’t know that either one of us was ultimately responsible for leaving the relationship. I think we both knew at that point that it was already ending.”

“Is that, um…how you feel about you and me, right now?” I asked softly, and she looked at me again.

“I’m not sure,” she said.

…Silence.

“You should eat,” I said, pushing forward her cold bowl of stew. Geez, I sounded just like her.

She smiled and nodded her thanks, taking her piece of flatbread and dipping it into the bowl. I watched as she took dainty little bites and hid her mouth behind her hand, in the way that I had always teased her for.

…I wondered if this was the last time I was ever going to share a meal with her.

“Well…dang, Fan,” I said quietly. “If I had known all of what you just told me, I wouldn’t have spent every single weekend hanging out with you for three months right after you guys broke up. Now I get why Deirak always seemed not to like me very much.”

“I know, Ben,” she said. “It’s…why I didn’t tell you. I loved the care you lavished on me. So in order to keep your attention, I concealed from you the true reason we broke up. I didn’t lie, exactly…but I wasn’t honest. I used you, too, in the same way I used him. I’m very sorry I waited so long to tell you this.”

“Hey…it’s okay,” I told her quietly. “I probably would have done the same. Did, um…did Deirak ever forgive you for what you did?”

“I apologized to him a lot,” Fannie told me. “For the first few years, we avoided each other whenever I returned to visit Master Luke and the other Jedi. But…yes. He did finally forgive me. It took a long time, and both of us growing older. But he did forgive me.”

She took another bite of her flatbread. “Though…I never told him about you and I finally beginning to date, this year,” she said. “I suppose I don’t necessarily owe that to him. But…I also don’t know that it was right to conceal it from him merely to avoid my own discomfort.”

I shrugged. “Well…at least you might not have to worry about that anymore, I guess. You know. If you and I are…ending.”

She bit her lip, but didn’t say anything as she looked back down at her bowl and mopped forlornly at the last dregs of stew.

After a second, I reached out and patted her arm.

“Yo,” I said. “Thanks for telling me all that. Of course I forgive you, ya know. I mean, we were kids back then—we were both a little dumb.”

“Perhaps,” she said, looking relieved that I didn’t hold it against her. “Still…I was aware that what I was doing was wrong, even at that age. I don’t know that my youth serves as an excuse. But…anyway, Ben. I just wanted you to know that you are not the only one of us who has ever been selfish and dishonest with the one they claimed to love. Having remembered how much forgiveness I needed for how I treated Deirak…I think I can forgive you for how you treated me.” She looked up at me with deep brown eyes—not quite smiling, but with a look on her face that was warm as well as weighty.

“Well…I appreciate it, Fan,” I said softly. “You know I always felt like you were better than me in almost every single way. But…I guess you’re mortal, too.” I threw her a wink. “If only barely.”

She shook her head. “Oh, stop it, Ben…I told you. You’ll never be able to focus on what you need to do to grow, if you are so convinced that I am simply ‘better than you’ by nature.”

“Yeah…I guess you’re right. After all, you’re always right. About everything.”

“Oh, stop it.”

“Nah…you know I’m kidding.”

“Yes, Ben, I know.”

“So, um…” I cleared my throat. “Are you and I going to be…just friends, now?”

She looked up again, and hesitated. “Well, that’s the thing, dear. I…I don’t know that I could ever be ‘just friends’ with you again, to be honest.”

I knew what she meant by that.

You know when you go on a trip—say, to Ryloth, for example—and you pack a suitcase? You get everything in its place, pack it all nice and tight, and head on your way. But once it’s time to come home and you’ve taken everything out already, and maybe you even have some souvenirs to bring back, nothing ever seems to fit in the suitcase again the way it did before.

That was how I felt about me and Fannie. Who knew—maybe it was possible for us to reverse everything and go back to a normal friendship. But…it sure seemed difficult. Like taking salt out of a stew you’ve already mixed.

“And yet, at the same time…” Fannie added quietly, “I…don’t know that I can continue in this relationship at the moment. I would need some time before I could say that I am ready to trust you again, Ben, and truly mean it. I forgive you, dear—yes. But…trusting you will take more time. You have witnessed the kind of men I have in my life—the kind of men I grew up around. I am grateful that Master Luke took me away and that my later years were spent around people I could trust. But…someone who comes from the kind of place I do very much needs to be able to feel safe. I’m sorry, love. I hope you understand.”

She had called me love, that time. It made me feel hopeful…and sad.

“Yeah, I totally understand,” I told her. “But um…if we can’t go back to being friends…and we can’t go back to dating…then, well…what do we do?”

Fannie was quiet for a long time.

“...Maybe,” she said at last, sounding like it was difficult for her to say, “you and I simply shouldn’t speak for a while.”

My heart sank.

But…I also knew she was right. Not talking for a bit was probably our best option. It had been hard enough to be a long-distance couple, with her on Ryloth and me on Naboo. Maintaining a long-distance, post-breakup, potentially-pre-makeup friendship sounded next to impossible.

“...Yeah,” I said quietly. “Yeah, I, um…I think you’re right.”

She still had a bit of stew on the corner of her mouth. I reached out and wiped it off with my sleeve, and she gave me a look that told me she thought that was gross. I tried not to laugh.

…I was going to miss little things like that.

“So…how long do you think a ‘while’ is, Fan?” I asked.

“Maybe…next summer?”

Next summer.

It was November, still—the end of autumn. We would have all of winter and spring to get through.

…It sounded so far away.

And so did the previous summer, back on Naboo. Back when I had first fallen in love with her and the weeks were full of warm, happy evenings spent by her side…

“...All right,” I said. “Summer it is, then. What month?”

“July, perhaps? It’s right in the middle, I suppose.”

“Okay, July. And…then what? We come together again in July, and then…?”

“Well…I don’t know,” she said. “I suppose we’ll…have to see where each of us is at, then. A lot could change in eight months. Always in motion, is the future.”

“...What?”

“The future,” she repeated. “It’s always in motion.”

“Yeah, I got that, but—why’d you say it all backwards the first time?”

“That’s just how Master Luke would always say it. I’m not sure why, come to think of it.”

“Fair enough. But um, Fan…”

“Yes?”

“Do you…still want to be together, someday?” I asked, rubbing my left thumb with my right. “You know. If we work on stuff, and things get better…and if I do better, next time… I mean…I think we make a pretty good team—when I’m not screwing it all up, that is.”

“Oh, Ben…” she said softly. “Yes, you made mistakes, but there were so many ways in which you were good to me as well.” She reached out and took my hands, taking me by surprise in the process. “I know I seem cheerful by nature. But so often you have been the one to encourage me, lift my spirits, and give me the strength to carry on. Yes, you have had your moments of selfishness, as have I—but you have also given much of yourself to love and care for me, and I see that too. You’re a realist and a skeptic, and grating as I find it, you bring me down to earth when I’m too far up in the stars. You have an incredible gift for capturing stories and emotions, and you have such a sense of humor. Goodness, you’ve always been so funny—even if you say things that you oughtn’t to…or perhaps, because of it. Me, I’m just—nice, I suppose. Sweet. Honestly I feel so boring, compared to you, Ben—like a wall painted white.”

I almost laughed. Her? Boring? She was definitely the more interesting one between the two of us.

“Sometimes we clash over our differences,” Fannie concluded, “but I also think we balance each other out and complement each other in many ways. I don’t know that I could properly express to you how much I value you, Ben. I’m not as good with words as you are.”

“Gee…thanks, Fan,” I said, squeezing her hands tight. “But I really look up to you, ya know. Yeah, yeah—I shouldn’t think of you as better than me…but there’s so much about you I admire. The way you haven’t let the unfair things in your life turn you bitter or cruel. The way you think so hard about what’s right, and stand up for it. The way you love and trust so fiercely. Sure, maybe you’ve placed your trust in some people you shouldn’t have. But I’ve seen how many people you’ve changed for the better with the way you love them. I think a lot of your Jedi school friends have experienced that from you. I know I have. And I also know I won’t be the last person you’ll impact for good. I hope we stay in each other’s lives for a long time, Fan—whatever that looks like—and I really mean that.”

Fannie smiled, her eyes shining with tears. “Thank you, Ben.”

“Yeah, of course. No problem.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “Did you, uh…really mean what you said, earlier? When you said you had already decided you wanted to be with me, even if Luke didn’t agree?”

Fannie was quiet for a moment.

“...Yes,” she said finally. “Yes, Ben, I did mean that. I respect Luke very much, and I think very highly of him. I am confident he has my best interests at heart. But…I came to realize that, at the end of the day, only I can determine what is most wise or prudent for my own life and where I sense the Force is guiding me. And…I decided I was prepared to choose you, Ben, no matter what anyone else said or thought. I agree that there are significant risks and challenges—that there will be compromises to be made, and areas in which we need to grow towards one another. But…I also recognize a great deal of goodness and strength in our relationship: that you and I make each other better people, and buoy one another’s weaknesses well—and so I was willing to navigate all our difficulties together. I had decided that, and was quite set on spending the rest of my life with you—in a much deeper way, now, than when I simply had a silly schoolgirl crush on you all those years ago. Even now, and after everything…I have a hard time imagining myself with anyone who isn’t you.”

“Aw…please don’t say that, Fan,” I told her, embarrassed. “If you and me don’t happen to work out, you’ll be doing many, many guys a disservice.”

“And if you and I don’t work out, I think it would be rather unfortunate for you,” she said, and I frowned—just before I noticed the little twinkle in her eye. “I do believe I might be the only one in this galaxy who is able to stomach you, Ben Solo.”

I couldn’t help it. I had to laugh.

“Well—you may be right about that,” I chuckled. “But…be honest with yourself, Fan. Could you really spend the rest of your life with me? Even if I never became a Jedi like you, and our paths were different? Or…would you resent me for it, and feel like I was holding you back?”

“I don’t need you to be a Jedi like I am,” she said. “I think you would make a very good Jedi—oh, Ben, don’t look at me like that, I mean it!—but…to be a Jedi is a specific vocation, and I do not think all are called to it—not even all who are Force-sensitive. It is much more important to me that you believe the Force is near to us and all around us, and that we have access to its power. That there is such a thing as true good, and that the duty and purpose of our lives is to do and embody it. That harboring the light side of the Force and fighting back against the darkness ought to be the guiding principle in all that one does, Jedi or not.”

It all sounded very grand. I didn’t know what to say…so I nodded.

“Since you’re being honest with me now, dear…” Fannie said softly. “Do you believe in the Force?”

It was a question I wished she hadn’t asked, because thinking about it scared me. Talking about it was even worse. But I knew that, after everything, she deserved a sincere response from me.

“...Yes,” I said at last. “Yes, I believe in the Force. I kind of have to. Its existence is obvious enough, when I see the power you and the other Jedi can draw from it, and when I think about experiences I’ve had that can’t be explained otherwise. It’s just that…” I pressed my lips together, knitting my brow and rubbing my knuckles into my palm. “...I feel too small for it. Or not good enough. Or too broken. I don’t feel like I could ever be like you, Fannie. I mean—I want to, and I wish I could. If I could just…y’know, flip a switch…but I can’t. I mean, I’ve tried. But…”

I wrestled with my tongue in vain before finally surrendering with a self-conscious laugh. “...Geez. And you said I was good with words.”

“No…it’s all right, Ben,” Fannie said with a gentle smile—the same one she had worn seven years earlier, when we had sat together in her hut over tea. “I think I understand what you’re trying to say.”

And then she hesitated, briefly…before crawling over and wrapping her arms around me in a big hug.

For a moment, I simply sat there, surprised.

And then, very slowly, I let my arms rest around her body. And I felt her cheek warm against mine, and the weight of her arms around my chest. And listened to the sound of her breath coming and going.

I’ve never been kissed. Not on the mouth, at least.

But…that hug, I think, was a little like being kissed.

I felt my throat tighten. And then I shut my eyes, and squeezed her close—as close as I could hold her.

“...I have sometimes felt as you have, dear,” Fannie said softly, her voice close to my ear. “Perhaps it is true you will never be like me. Well—neither will I ever be like you. We each have our own journey to traverse, and some of our paths will wind and weave a bit more than the others. But I have faith in you, Ben—and I trust in the Force that you will find your way. The Force is never far from you—whether you feel it or not. The light always stands ready to welcome you, and you need only to choose it. That is the only thing the light asks…no matter how long one has wandered.”

I blinked.

“...Wait. What did you just say?”

Fannie withdrew, looking at me. “Which part?”

“The whole thing. Or…I don’t know, maybe just the second half.”

Fannie smiled self-consciously, struggling to remember. “Ah…I think what I said was…hm…oh, goodness, Ben—you’ve put me on the spot, and now I can’t recall anymore.”

“It’s okay, don’t worry about it,” I chuckled. “I just…could’ve sworn that a bunch of what you just said, I’d heard somewhere before.”

“Oh, yes—I experience that, too, sometimes,” Fannie said warmly. “Usually, it means the Force is speaking to me.”

Under normal circumstances, I would have rolled my eyes a little and laughed…but for some reason, this time, I didn’t.

We finished our hug, and then we finished our meal—the first time we had finished eating dinner together the entire week.

As we stacked the empty bowls, I tried to convince Fan to find somewhere else to live, since I didn’t like the idea of her staying here with her family. But…I was right, of course. Fannie was too stubborn to listen.

“They’re my family, Ben,” she said, solemn as death. “I am bound by duty to love them, no matter what.”

I admired her stalwartness. After all, it was the reason she still loved me so much. But…I also thought she had a duty to take care of herself.

Still…I knew I couldn’t argue with her.

“...Someday, Fan,” I said seriously, “I’d like to be your family, too. And then, if you’ll let me…I’m gonna take you away from all of this.”

Fannie didn’t say anything. Not with her words, at least. But I could see the yearning in her eyes, and feel the pull of her heart—and I knew that she still wanted it as much as I did.

And yet…if that ever was going to happen…it would definitely be a while before it did.

And, whether it would happen…

…Only time would tell.

And so Ben Solo and Fannie Pentarra broke up, at the end of November in 29 ABY, in one of the upstairs west chambers in her father’s mansion, in the Tcha’buli region of Ryloth. They were boyfriend-and-girlfriend for a grand total of about seven weeks.

And now they are strangers, until next July.

…Well. We’re still friends, of course. We’ll always be friends. We always were and we always will be and we still are, even now—even if we haven’t seen each other or spoken in months.

“Kartakk erai de numa,” she said to me, as we said goodbye outside of her father’s gates.

Call me your sister.

It surprised me to hear her say that, because she hadn’t said that to me in so long. Obviously, there’s a bit of weirdness to your girlfriend calling herself your sister (which was why she had stopped saying it).

But: I knew exactly what she meant. And it didn’t feel weird to me at all.

We held hands for the last time, and folded our fingers together. And looking into her eyes, holding her hand in mine…I have never felt so convinced that someone else held a piece of my soul.

When I said goodbye to Fannie on Ryloth and headed home to Naboo, that was the last time I saw her. The last time I held her in my arms, and the last time I heard her voice. But…I still think about her a lot. Almost every day. I look out at the stars, and wonder if she sees the same ones. I ask the Force to protect her, guide her, and keep her safe—and even though I don’t seem to feel the Force, most days…I do it all the same.

After all…she told me that the Force was never far.

And I trust that girl with my life.

I miss her. It was sad to celebrate my twenty-fourth birthday without her. And Life Day, and New Year’s Day, and Valentine’s Day. But we’ve each got some things to work on and to think through…and if we do end up trying things again, she deserves a better version of me—one who’s a little more grown-up. It’ll take me more than just another birthday to do that.

I know now that Fannie Pentarra was never a better person than me. That I am fully in control of my own choices, for better or for worse (though I’m definitely hoping for “better,” from here on out).

But…I’ll be damned if she isn’t the most incredible person I’ve ever met.

And I’ll be more than a little disappointed if I lose her for good.

[spaciousreasoning]

Zooming the Steps

This morning’s blood sugar was up to 150, due most likely to the relative lateness of our meal after the meeting last night, which included tater tots.

We got the day started with our usual coffee and brain games, mostly of which were easy stuff for a Monday morning. While we made our cheesy eggs, bacon bits, and toast with jam for breakfast, I played some Death Cab for Cutie tunes for Nancy. Ben Gibbard, the founder of the band, co-wrote the theme song for “Shrinking,” which we really like. Nancy had never heard of Death Cab, but she enjoyed the collection of tunes from Spotify.

We made an appointment for Jan. 22 for our annual first of the year phone call and chat with the Edward Jones representative. Then we went to Albertsons for some cookie ingredients and more stuff.

After putting away the groceries, Nancy and I went for a short walk around our block, just .6 of a mile. It took just under 15 minutes at a slow pace. My left foot is not doing great. Even the slow walk brought some pain.

With Kathleen coming over to play the piano, I headed out for some solo time. I stopped at Old Crow to get a mocha, then dropped off our old toaster and some pants Nancy did not order at St. Vinnie’s. Then I took a burned out blow dryer to Best Buy, which recycles old electronics.

After those errands, I spent time driving around different parts of town, trying to familiarize myself even more with our new environs. I finally stopped by the Target on the west side of town and found a flannel sheet set that was nicer than the ones that were available at the Gateway Target the other day.

When I got home, Kathleen was still playing the piano. Or, they said, she was just starting, because she and Nancy evidently spent a bit of time in conversation.

A couple of calendars were returned by the Post Office for what they claimed were bad addresses. I asked my sister Deborah and a Tucson friend to help find good addresses for the two whose calendars were returned. Deborah said Marion’s address is still the same. I then reached Marion via Messenger and she confirmed it. I’ll be taking the envelope to the Post Office tomorrow and telling them they need to deliver this without me having to put another stamp on it.

I also got my ABRS check for the final quarter of 2024.

Another NA step group met via Zoom today for the first time, at 5 p.m. Oregon time. Michael, from the Tuesday men’s meeting, is leading this one as well. There’s also Jeremy, who lives south of Eugene/Springfield, somewhere between Roseburg and Myrtle Creek, and Tim, who lives in northern Idaho now but used to live in Alaska for many years. He and his wife are currently doing some traveling, and he dialed in from somewhere in northern California.

After the meeting, Nancy and I had leftovers from Friday night, the chicken and rice and roasted veggies. For dessert we had a small chocolate cake a friend gave me Sunday night at the meeting.

Then we streamed some entertainment, starting with the first episode of a new series, “Joan,” based on the true story of a woman who went from housewife and mother to petty offender, diamond thief and criminal mastermind in 1980s London. Then we watched another “Father Brown,” the first episode in the fifth series, which was something of a Christmas special; and wrapped the evening with the next episode in the third series of “Harry Wild.”

Having missed our usual afternoon naps, we made it to bed right about 10 p.m., good timing, given my early Tuesday appointment with the doctor to try and find out what’s going on with my foot.

[callifantasy]

Got my hands on this little thing!

Let's see how suffering 1/4 plays out! 🥺

[thisisartbylexie]

Don't disappear Darlin', I want you (Don't leave me here) And when the day comes (I'll meet you here) 'Cause I know that wishes come true Finding my way back to you

- x

[emilyredekerart]

. mighty kylo ren .

---

Commissions are open! Info here, message me if interested!

Credit me if you repost.

Please be respectful in the comments.

Do not involve my artwork in fandom arguments.

[thewonderfulblue]

me @ all the fresh reylo content that slaps me in the face every time I open tumblr

[steeevienicks]

Super bowl is boring af so I played with my new wig and became an *almost* con ready Fem Swolo (ft. The goodwill pile I haven't done shit with).

I used a nude lipstick as the scar because I'm almost out of my actual scarring liquid and want to save it for eccc.

[thepilotanon]

do you have any.....silly kylo hc with his partner? stuff that no one else but you would see kylo be and its silly :)

Ohhhh, yes, yes, yesyesyesyesyesyes.

We know Kylo is famous for his shirtless bit when he Force connects with Rey, but I raise one up with pantless Kylo wearing his shirt in his quarters with his partner. You just casually walk in and find Kylo having a rare time off and just...not wearing pants. Pale, thick trunks of legs and Kylo borrowing your favorite mug for tea is a funny image in my mind, and I think he would notice you puffing your cheeks to try and keep in your laughter. "You realize that my usual pants are leather and not really breathable, right? I need to breathe sometimes." "Yet you'd wear pants after taking a hot shower??" "I'd rather not getting the risk of a towel snap in the locker room." Kylo would let you smack his flat ass, though. He likes the attention from you.

Kylo sneezing. He doesn't sneeze in public, which is weird. But he sneezes and it startles the both of you, because it comes out of nowhere; like a beast of a sneeze that scares of predators within a six mile radius, startles Kylo from his nap and look around all confused. He's looking around all confused before sniffling and cursing about how much he hates getting those rare sneeze attacks. Once you're used to it, you usually snicker when you see Kylo scare himself awake or at random when he sneezes.

Kylo mocking people. He mocks Hux the most, Pryde second. The way he does a bad impression of their voices and mannerisms is more comical, even though he's trying to be serious when he's telling you exactly what they've done to annoy him. Kylo notices how much you enjoy it in your private quarters, especially before bed, and eventually tries to amp his acting performance to get you laughing. "Ugggh, I'm HuX aNd I kNoW hOw To RuN a ShIp WhEn KyLo IsN't HeReeee." "And how does that make you feel, 'Hux'?" "LiKe I hAvE tHe BiGgEsT bAlLs In ThE gAlAxYYY."

Kylo just also smiles and laughs a lot when he's alone with you, like he doesn't need to feel like he has to have a wall up, or portray himself as the Commander/Supreme Leader to anyone. It's not like he's letting Ben Solo out, because he is who he is and you love him regardless, but it's still the More Real Him. He likes to make jokes with you or tease you relentlessly, actually tickles you and behaves so casual and relaxed - and it's silly, because no one but you knows about it.

[juniperwoodwell]

Prompt List!

What's a prompt list? Well, it's a list of dialogue or idea prompts for different characters.

•In my prompt list you can choose any prompt you like for a character then send me a request for it, This is to help me get more stories out there for you guys and help motivate me to get them out quicker!

•All Prompts can be used multiple times, I won't be crossing them out but will be linking any posts I make with the prompt.

•You can also include what genre you'd like, Romance, Angst, Fluff, etc. (excluding smut)

(I will be frequently updating the list so don't worry about how short it is right now)

•If you have any prompts or suggestions let me know!

•Masterlist

------------------------------------

•The General section is for any character (ones I write for) of your choosing. You can use these for multiple characters.

•General

•1: "Call me that one more time, see what happens."

×

•2: "Wait a minute, are you jealous?"

•3: "I never thought you'd be the one to break my heart."

•4: "I wish I never met you"

•5: "In Truth you like the pain, You like it because you believe you deserve it."

•6: "Say it. Say you'll marry me and I'll do it, I'll get the paperwork and a judge. We'll be married by morning."

"What are you even saying?"

"I'm proving to you that there is no one else in this entire world I want more than you. You're everything I've ever wanted and if you say you want to marry me right now then let's get married. I love you."

"You better start making some phone calls then baby, because I love you too."

•7 "What else are you going to steal from me?"

"What? I haven't stolen-"

"First you steal my Hoodies then you steal my heart, what's next. My last name?"

•Charles

•1: "Don't patronize me for something you were too scared to do!"

•Erik

•1: "I didn't say 'I love you' to hear it back, I said it to make sure you knew."

•2: "Did we mean nothing to you? Did I mean nothing to you?"

•3: "Don't patronize me for something you were too scared to do!"

•Frank

•1: "I'll protect you, They're never going to touch you again."

•2: "Don't mess with that, You'll hurt yourself."

•3: "I'm not the good guy here."

•4: "You're not a bad guy."

•5: "I'm tellin' ya sweetheart, you don't want me. The blood on my hands..It don't wash off."

×

•6: "Your bullshit has a body count"

•Matt

•1: "I screwed up, Alright.? But I never lied to you. I've done a lot of shit in my life, but loving you is different."

•Eddie

•1: "I screwed up, Alright.? But I never lied to you. I've done a lot of shit in my life, but loving you is different."

•Bruce

•1: "I screwed up, Alright.? But I never lied to you. I've done a lot of shit in my life, but loving you is different."

•2: "If you want something, I'll buy it for you. It doesn't matter what it is as long as you are happy with it."

"But what if it's super expensive??"

"Honey, do you think money is really an issue for me?"

"Oh... well I guess not."

•Thranduil

•1: "I'm very certain that the human body isn't supposed to bleed this much..."

•Legolas

(Coming soon)

•Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw

•1: "I came back for you, I promised I would and I did."

•Jake "Hangman" Seresin

•1: "Your bullshit has a body count."

•Conner

•1: "Your stitches ripped"

•2: "I broke my rules for you"

•Steven Grant

(Coming soon)

•Marc Spector

•1: "You have no idea how to make toast?"

•2: "Hey! Would you stop stealing my damn fries!"

•Jake Lockley

•1: "You're losing my interest, that's very dangerous."

•Arthur

•1:"Do you realize what time it is?"

•2: "I came back for you, I promised I would and I did."

•Merlin

•1: "I love you too much to leave you like this.."

•2: "I think someone needs a nap."

•3: "This is why I fell in love with you"

•Gwaine

(Coming soon)

------------------------------------

Others

•Poe Dameron

•Damon Salvatore

•JJ Maybank(OBX)

•Kylo Ren/Ben Solo

------------------------------------

I'm also starting a taglist, so let me know if you want to me tagged for any of the characters I write for.

[nudebabitz]

hiya big royals au fan over here and i'm wondering if you'd be so kind as to drop some fig and newton headcanons for us!

Omg I'm HONORED that you're a royals au fan, I'm TOUCHED that you've read my work 😫😫😫🤌🏼🤌🏼🤌🏼*

Fig and Newton headcanons--I HAVE SO MANY, THANKS FOR ASKING!

They are literally best friends, like BEST FUCKING FRIENDS! Neither of Anthony and Kate's other dogs loves them as much as they love each other; Roger is too old and the cats just like to sleep with him, and Albert thinks he is a human and doesn't deign to interact with the corgis. As a result, Fig and Newton are happily allowed to be obsessed with each other

Newton knows that Kate is pregnant. Fig does not because he is not very smart! He figures it out when his mom has a very large belly and he and Newton can't both fit on her lap

Baby Edmund is obsessed with these two. Newton, who is two years older than Fig, and therefore An Adult TM, is very gentle and lets Edmund hold his tail and crawl. Fig needs to be reminded by Newton that he has to be gentle, but he likes to lick Edmund's hands and nap with him

Miles, who is a chaos baby the moment he comes out, gets along with Fig like a house on fire. I'm talking this puppy aids and abets this toddler into doing anything. They'll chase each other around the halls of Highgrove House or Clarence House, they go everywhere together, Miles will throw food off his highchair because Newton does funny little jumps and eats it, and they basically give Kate, Anthony, Mary, and their staff a headache

For their first Halloween, Kate dresses Fig and Newton up as Ewoks. She goes as General Leia, Anthony is Han Solo, and Baby Edmund (just barely a month old) is Yoda lol

Fig is allergic to poultry

Newton once ate hot gravel from when Kate and Anthony were getting the road up to Highgrove House redone. He was fine!

Newton also once tried to eat an entire chicken bone and Kate had to reach into his mouth and pull it out (as dog owners often do)

Occasionally, Albert will allow Fig to come cuddle with him. He has a soft spot for him, but don't tell anyone

Miles once almost crushed Fig by attempting to ride him like a horse (Fig had no idea he was going to d word, he was just vibing)

Fig and Newton are so popular with the British public that they get their own special Buckingham Palace mugs, plates, and other souvenirs

After Kate gets Fig, corgi sales skyrocket across the UK. People are obsessed with the Queen and her corgis (lol)

After Kate and Anthony get engaged, and take their official engagement portraits, Newton wanders into the room their in, and interrupts the session, demanding pets from them. The photographer takes candids, and those photos go viral; Kate and Anthony laughing and cooing over this ridiculous rotund corgi

Kate insists Newton be in some of their official wedding portraits--again, those photos go viral

Royals often get official paintings done of them. For his fifth birthday, Anthony commissions Ben to paint one of Fig and Newton

*on a very real note, I am touched, everyday, that Leaf betas this for me, and read over all my chapters and writing before I even asked her to beta and just had a panic spiral that my writing sucked and wanted her to look over things before I posted :,) I love you so very much, Miss Leaf! I am so grateful for you and so grateful that I can trust you with my rough drafts and messy concepts and wild ideas and that you take the time to listen to me! <3

[rynwritesstuff]

King of my Heart - Prologue

Summary of Story: After being kidnapped and held prisoner by pirates, you flee their clutches and escape into the forest a few miles away from the palace. You are found by a dashing young man, Benjamin. He rescues you, and it is then that you find out that Benjamin is royalty. Benjamin helps you recover from the trauma you faced, and in the midst of everything, a beautiful love blooms between the two of you.

This story will contain: Mentions/talk of rape/sexual assault, sexism, mentions/talk of being captured, NSFW content (PIV sex, name-calling, oral sex), and more (in-depth chapter warning is below)

This chapter contains: Brief mention of rape/sexual assault, brief mention of being captured, panicky feelings, brief name-calling

*I TRIED TO TAG THIS TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY, BUT IF I MISSED SOMETHING, PLEASE LET ME KNOW!*

(I want to say a HUGE thank-you to @mrs-gucci for proofreading this for me and generally motivating me to do what I love!)

*If you would like to be added to the taglist for this story, please send me a message, ask, or comment!

Read chapter one here

There is a willow tree near the middle of the forest about a mile away from the royal palace where the Solo’s reside. The tree is tall and beautiful, and it’s leaves blow in the wind wonderfully. Today, there is a fog that covers the tree, coats it as paint does a canvas. 

Ben Solo, the young prince, believes that this tree is the grandest thing he has ever laid eyes on. He rides there nearly everyday to read or write or nap. He feels safe there, under the willow tree, but today? 

Today, something feels wrong.

There is a strange scent in the air, one that tells him that a storm is coming. Ben pays it no mind, and instead pulls a pastry from his bag and simply goes back to reading his novel. 

On the other side of the forest, near the sea, you are running. There are tears in your eyes, and they run down your cheeks and stain your bosom. You are barefoot, and your dress is covered in grime. You run faster, breasts bouncing as men yell behind you. 

“Catch her!” the leader tells his followers. “Do not let the harlot escape!”

You hide behind a tree, your chest heaving as you cover your mouth. Your heart is beating quickly, thudding rapidly in your chest. You close your eyes for a moment, and more tears run down your cheeks. 

Please, do not let them find me, you silently beg to whatever God may be listening. You have lost everything: Your home, your family, your belongings, your pride . . . Your virginity. Those men, those scoundrels, they took everything that could ever matter to you, and you have finally escaped. 

“We are not leaving without her!” the leader bellows. “Get my harlot back!”

You are frightened that they will see you, that they will find you, that they will hear the pounding of your feet against the grass, but their voices are becoming more distant. The village can’t be far from here, you realize, and you begin to run again, breathing ragged and tense. 

You reach a willow tree, and beneath it sits a young man. He looks up when he hears the sound of quick footsteps. He gets to his feet, and when he sees you, his eyes widen. 

“Are you hurt, miss?” he asks. You let out a sob. 

“Please,” you beg. “Please, help me. P-Pirates . . . “

Ben’s heart sinks. Oh, this poor woman. She’s covered in blood and sweat and dirt, and her hair is in desperate need of a wash. So is the rest of her, if he’s honest. 

“Come,” Ben says, waving you over. He gathers his things quickly. “I’ll take you somewhere safe.”

Relief floods you, and you nearly collapse as it washes over you. 

“God, thank you, thank you, sir–”

“Shh, shh, you’re alright, miss,” Ben says, taking your shaking hand and guiding you towards his horse. “Are you hungry?”

You nod. 

“Desperately so,” you admit. Ben pulls an apple from his bag and hands it to you before helping you onto his horse. 

“This will not be a long ride, miss,” he says reassuringly as he mounts as well. You, tired and frightened and overwhelmed, lean your head against his shoulder as you hold onto him tightly. 

“Thank you, thank you . . . “

Ben looks around the woods nervously, then gives his horse a kick. The two of you gallop off towards the royal palace as rain begins to fall.

Tagging a few folks who might enjoy this: @safarigirlsp @mrs-gucci @clydesfavoritegirl @eagerforhoney​ @mrs-zimmerman​ 

(If you’d like to be tagged in this, please let me know!)

[skywalker-solo-palpatine]

I mean honestly, those two really need a nap after all the stuff they've gone through

Happy New Year everyone!!

#reylo Always on the same wavelength. <3

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: West Coast Avengers #11: PRIDE of the REGIMENT

August, 1986

Looks like the West Coast Avengers are going to fight some more random idiots!

Like I said last time, Master Pandemonium is fine and good but, yeah, I want to see random jerks.

And these random jerks sure do look randomly jerky!

And and, Iron Man is involved! I’ve felt like he was getting sidelined a lot earlier in the series so look at him being front and also center!

Of the three non-Avenger dinguses on the cover, I only recognize the sai guy, since he was in Batroc’s mercenary group in Great Lakes Avengers.

Guess I’ll find out who they are INSIDE. Except I read this digitally so more VAGUELY TO THE RIGHT.

Last times in West Coast Avengers: Tigra has been having trouble with her cat soul being super horny so she made a secret deal with the cat king of the cat world of the cat people to kill Master Pandemonium in exchange for removing one of her souls. But she screwed it up and he got away. So she’s still super horny and has made plays at both Hank Pym and Wonder Man and also has a cat guy boyfriend on the side that she can magically summon. Wonder Man learned about Tigra and Hank but Hank still thinks he and Tigra are exclusive. Also, other people are on the team and have their own stuff. Wonder Man was cast in a movie! Ben Grimm almost joined the team but didn’t! Really, this is kind of a standalone and I didn’t need to explain anything!

The issue starts with Mockingbird being really angry, possibly at people wanting her to change her long distance service.

But, no.

Hank Pym assumes the phone system glitched and complains about her treating the equipment roughly.

Hank Pym: “I just got the last bugs out of that system, Mockingbird! You didn’t have to slam it down!”

Iron Man: “Nobody ever gets the last bugs out of a system, Hank! After a while you call them ‘features’!”

HAH!

Iron Man asks what has Mockingbird so mad and she says “Ohhh -- the world!”

Hawkeye: “Oh! Is that all?”

HAH!

Okay but for serious, Mockingbird is mad that people pick on poor, defenseless intelligence agencies like SHIELD.

Which.

I mean. Okay, it makes sense for her character. She worked for SHIELD most of her adult life. She’s got a lot of identity tied up in intelligence work. But its like when Jen Walters, She-Hulk, complained that people were picking on the poor oil companies in her solo series.

They do not need help!

In this specific context, SHIELD is having a rough time in the press recently because they lost a helicarrier and there are reports of agent brutality. Which Mockingbird thinks is just media sensationalizing.

I don’t know though.

Mockingbird has decided that she’s going to go visit Nick Fury and get his side of the story. She invites Iron Man and Hawkeye along. Iron Man doesn’t really get along with Nick Fury since Nick Fury tried to take over his- I mean his boss’ company a while back but he does care about the actual SHIELD agency (since he was an advisor to the board that founded it (this is, of course, before the retcon that SHIELD is a super old counter-cult to the super old Hydra cult. Or something)).

What was I talking about?

Iron Man: “But can Hawkeye get in, now that the Avengers have a restricted clearance?”

Mockingbird: “Heaven help me, Iron Man, but I’ll vouch for this suspicious character!”

This is actually a fairly cute moment. Just the (West Coast) Avengers goofing around together.

Speaking of cute, Tigra is just napping poolside while Wonder Man swims hundreds of laps.

Just friends existing adjacent.

This is just a fun moment.

Mockingbird is afraid she’s going to become one of those annoying people who talks up California’s weather vs New York winters.

Iron Man had to turn down the solar power converters on his armor because ITS JUST TOO SUNNY.

And Wonder Man has apparently decided that he’s going to get in shape (??) by swimming 300 laps a day.

Simon, if you get in any more shape, you’re going to be cubist.

Hawkeye invites Wonder Man (but not Tigra, apparently?) to go visit SHIELD with them but Wonder Man has to go be in the movie he’s in.

And Tigra invites herself along to that.

So that’s where everyone is going to be in this issue.

Wonder Man and Tigra at the Arkon movie studio and the other three West Coast Avengers at the “Hair Razing” hair salon.

Good name. No one will ever suspect that its a secret SHIELD base.

The pink-haired hairdresser Josyane who speaks in an OOTRAGEOUS FRENCH ACCENT is a SHIELD plant and also a hairdresser. The other one, Cherie, has no idea that there’s a secret base under the salon.

So as a flawless cover story why several people are coming in when the salon is booked solid, Mockingbird claims to be Bobbi van Dyne of the Cleveland van Dynes. And Hawkeye and Iron Man are hilariously in disguise as her bodyguards Antonio and Bruno.

Tony looks so silly. But I guess he had to wear something that would cover his armor. Even though what he wears in no way could cover his armor.

Also, Josyane asks who did Mockingbird’s new hairdo.

Mockingbird: “David, at the Sainte Regine! But that big palooka over there won’t even acknowledge I got it done!”

Hawkeye: “So I like long hair! So sue me!”

Mockingbird: “I got it chopped after fighting a werewolf -- it was getting in my way!”

Hawkeye, indignant: “So I like long hair...!”

Heh.

He’s so grumpy.

Iron Man is boggled that Hawkeye hasn’t mentioned the haircut at all since Tony Stark is a guy who would notice a haircut.

Hawkeye: “Hey, I know you know all about women, Iron Man, but I’m the one who fell in love with a long-haired cutie! And it’s because I’m in love that I don’t mention the way she resembles the quarterback of the Chicago Bears!”

So, you’re trying to start a fight?

Anyway, as these secret hair salon bases go, the West Coast Avengers sit in the seas and get lowered to the secret base.

Where SHIELD agents immediately surround them, pull guns, and start shooting at the superheroes.

Hawkeye: “Don’t’cha know who we are, you idiots? We’re the Avengers!”

SHIELD idiot: “Avengers are security risks!”

That’s not untrue but still! Simmer down!

As you might expect, the Avengers make the SHIELD agents look like fools and chumps.

(And now that the topic has come up, Hawkeye really isn’t letting the hair thing go)

Once a small army of agents gets embarrassed, Nick Fury comes in shouting.

He tells them that considering they were fighting superheroes they did pretty good and then pivots immediately from compliment to MORE yelling. Telling them to do better than pretty good next time and then calls them goldbrickers because Nick Fury’s vocabulary never evolves.

Once he finishes putting the fear of Fury in his men, Nick Fury turns to the superheroes and asks what they’re so upset about.

When they say they weren’t expecting to be attacked unprompted, Nick Fury tells them to get over it.

Iron Man (secretly Tony Stark) even says that his cool boss Tony Stark didn’t expect such a “garrison mentality” from SHIELD and Nick Fury tells him “my heart bleeds for yer playboy boss, Iron Man!” And then blames all of SHIELD’s troubles on Tony Stark not selling him guns.

Hey, Nick, get over it?

But Mockingbird, as mentioned, has a big place in her heart for SHIELD so she says that the (West Coast) Avengers are here to see if they can help with SHIELD’s troubles.

AND THEN SHE STARTS RECAPPING HER HISTORY WITH SHIELD TO NICK FURY

WHO WAS THERE FOR IT

Ah, I make fun but I do love when a comic goes ‘so you probably haven’t read issues x, y, and z of series 1, 2, and 3 and fan wikis don’t exist yet so lemme just catch you up.’

I think losing this attitude was a big contributor to comics becoming unwelcoming to new readers.

Anyway. Recapped backstory.

Bobbi Morse was a scientist in a SHIELD lab when Nick Fury decided ‘this girl needs to kick people in the face’ and trained her to be a field agent.

As Agent 19, she was sent to hang out in the Savage Land with Ka-Zar. They met Gog!

Anyway, after Bobbi came back from the Savage Land, she was tasked by a congressional committee with hunting down moles at the highest levels of SHIELD.

So she quit the agency so she could do her mole hunt as HUNTRESS!

No, not the Batman one.

Since Nick Fury didn’t know who this Huntress was or why she was jumpkicking SHIELD station chiefs in the head, he put her on a most wanted list.

So she changed her name to Mockingbird.

Glad she didn’t stick with her first look. It’s kinda generic.

Then she Mavel teamed up with Spider-Man to take down a mole in New York and got shot a lot by agents of SHIELD when she tried to run over to greet Nick Fury after he saved her from the mole.

I mean, running at a dude when you’re wearing a mask and he’s surrounded by a bunch of people holding guns... even Bobbi admits it was a dumb decision.

Mockingbird: “After I recovered, I stayed solo -- then went double with the guy who likes long hair here -- "

This hair thing is becoming one of those couple cold wars. They’re going to be sniping at each other over this until they either fight or Hawkeye breaks down.

Anyway, Nick says he owes a lot to Mockingbird for what she did IS WHAT HE WOULD SAY but she stayed solo and SHIELD’s problems are only for SHIELD to worry about.

Nick Fury: “We’re supposed ta be a secret organization, an’ I can’t have ex-agents waltzin’ in and out while I’m tryin’ ta solve my new problems! -- Or guys who put profit before the interests o’ the world!”

Iron Man: “You thick-skulled, right-wing -- ! When Tony Stark stopped making weapons he was able to start on projects that would serve the world -- like his new satellite research facility enabling man and his technology to benefit from -- !”

Nick Fury: “Sure! You an’ your boss’re big on the fancy stuff, ya walkin’ tank -- not like us grunts who’re out there on a thousand frontlines protectin’ the world day after day after day! My boys an’ girls do the grimy work, while you super guys get all the glory! Well, we don’t mind -- it’s always been like that for the joes, in any war -- but if my boys an’ girls get a little tight now an’ again, you can understand why!”

Someone call the waambulance for Nick.

I’ve never really been all that wild about Nick Fury. Mostly its just disinterest. Early on, I was really only about Spider-Man and the X-Men. ‘Cause cartoons. Nick Fury showed up sometimes but c’mon, he wasn’t a cool superhero like Spider-Man.

And now I’m older and less wild about Nick Fury. I just hate his hard man hard choices there are walls and there are men on those walls attitude.

Then I was exposed to Ultimate Nick Fury and geez he’s just worse. In all those regards. And how he went out of his way to just be a huge asshole. Not for spy reasons. Just because. So he can smirk about what a cool alpha male guy he is, I guess.

Getting off track, basically Nick Fury is kicking them out of the secret base.

Hawkeye thinks to himself that he’d just do Nick a murder if he didn’t have to be respectable as leader of the team. Which is funny. He’s so annoyed he has to be responsible.

And so Mockingbird wins the Great Hair War, but not when she’s in the mood to appreciate it.

Also:

Nick Fury: “Hey -- Bobbi Morse! Barton! As long as yer gonna be an Avenger -- let ‘em know SHIELD trains its troops ta be the best!”

Hawkeye: “Avengers, Fury, are born the best -- not trained!”

That is patently untrue, Hawkeye.

The Avengers train so much. There’s so much training and Cap gets huffy if you’re late for training and they also want you to do assigned reading on all the previous cases.

Meanwhile, movie set.

Simon Williams on the set of the Arkon movie.

There’s movie stuff going on. The important part is that Simon is going to show his ionic eyes for the movie.

So I guess he’s gotten more comfortable with showing them off! Or I hope he is because he’s agreed to have them in the movie!

Also, incoming Tigra being catty again.

Yay.

Simon, completely unaware of the potent hate beams radiating off of Tigra, introduces her to Christy Carson. Who... I don’t remember what job she has on this movie set.

The important point being is that Tigra gets mad.

Tigra: He likes her more than he likes me! I don’t like that! Just because I play the field doesn’t mean I like coming in second anywhere!

That’s an argument, Tigra.

She doesn’t realize though that Simon learned about her and Hank so he’s stepping back from the tentative relationship he had with Tigra.

So she starts hanging off Simon’s agent Dino to make him jealous but he just observes that “Tigra and L.A. were made for each other -- !”

MEANWHILE, Hank Pym, non-superhero but adjacent to superhero guy, follows up on the Master Pandemonium problem.

Someone is still remembering that subplot.

Since the West Coast Avengers learned from Master Pandemonium narrating about himself that he was a major movie star and that he owns Anvil Studios, Hank is checking at the local bureaucracy to see who is the registered owner of the studio.

Hank Pym: “The files will tell us the name of the registered owner -- and checking out files is just my speed now -- there’s no need tying up any of the active Avengers!”

Buuuuut

When the records are pulled, Hank discovers that the deeds for specifically Anvil Studios - and none of the adjacent pages - have been burned away. Leaving only the smell of sulfur.

How mysterious.

Hank decides to take some of the charred page remnants to run SCIENCE tests on them.

Meanwhile, back with Mockingbird, Iron Man, and Hawkeye.

Hawkeye prods Mockingbird into talking about her feelings.

Mockingbird: “I just never thought that you’re either in or out when it comes to intelligence work!”

Hawkeye: “Any regrets?”

Mockingbird: “You know there aren’t, sport! When I got you, I got all I’ll ever really need in life! But it’s like being disowned, being frozen out of SHIELD! It hurts my pride!”

She’s tempted to turn this sky-cycle around and force Nick Fury to accept her help.

Hawkeye jokes that it’s comforting that he’s not the only leader that screws things up.

Iron Man: “What have you screwed up -- other than Firebird’s membership?”

Hawkeye: “That’s enough, isn’t it?”

He himself is tempted to turn this sky-cycle around and ask Firebird to join the team. But he’s realized that its better to give Firebird some space from him.

Iron Man: “That’s very insightful, Clint!”

Hawkeye: “Yeah, well, I got Agent 19 on my case -- an’ I want to keep her there -- so I’m correcting my deficiencies! -- Minor as they may be!”

Stay classy, Clint!

And then a guy jumps off a building onto Iron Man and shorts out his armor. And two goobers tackle Mockingbird and Hawkeye off their sky-cycle.

No respect for people having a conversation. Geez.

So these three goons are Razorfist (the guy with stabby hands), Zaran the Weapons Master (the guy with the red ponytail), and Shockwave (the guy in the power armor).

Hilariously, Mockingbird declares that these guys are OBVIOUSLY kung fu fighters based on how they land.

Shockwave’s armor is built for electrical attacks as Iron Man finds out when he tries to backhand him. There’s an enormous electrical discharge which shorts out Iron Man’s armor.

Iron Man: Massive overloads -- no matter what amperage I design the circuit breakers for, somebody always finds a way to overload them! System’s gone to level 3 -- have to reset them manually!

Which will take time, time that Shockwave very much won’t give Tony as he kicks him in the face and easily dodges Iron Man’s ponderous counterattack. Because turns out that the Iron Man armor is very heavy when the power is out!

Hawkeye is doing better with his opponent, Zaran (the Weapons Master).

Womp womp.

Zaran spins this positively since he’s a martial arts dude he Craves Challenge Etc. He says that he should have come to America sooner because of the cool guys to fight like Captain America and Hawkeye.

He pulls out some shuriken but Hawkeye drops a smoke arrow and dodges the attack.

Zaran again spins this positively. He still has the advantage because Avengers don’t kill. Plus:

Zaran, the Weapons Master: “Monsieur Khruul gave my associates and myself a complete dossier on your weaknesses! You’ll try to subdue me with your one weapon -- while I kill you with any one of a hundred!”

Oh boy, guy. That is an argument.

Like, for one thing, where are you getting all these weapons? I see some daggers or something in your gloves but you haven’t used them. Where did you pull a whole ass wooden bo staff?

For two thing, you’re a kung fu fighter or whatever, according to Mockingbird. Shouldn’t you know the one kick ten thousand times versus ten thousand kicks one time thing?

Hawkeye is clearly better with you with his one weapon than you are with any individual thing.

ALSO, with all his trick arrows, you can’t say his fighting style lacks variety!

Anyway, what Hawkeye took from all that was recognizing Monsieur Khruul from Avengers #121-123.

Guy supposedly died in issue #123 so I don’t know how he’s giving away dossiers. He was killed by an alien dragon which is a pretty conclusive way to die, all things told.

I guess one of his family could be the new Monsieur Khruul but its weird to drop a callback into this issue if it’s not even the same dude.

So if it was the same dude who gave these dudes the dossiers, how long have they been sitting on this attack?

Or: how long ago was Avengers #123 supposed to be??

(Hawkeye wasn’t even on the team for that story so I don’t know why SPECIFICALLY Monsier Khruul would have a dossier on him.)

Moving on.

Over with Mockingbird vs Razorfist, Razorfist gloats that he only has to hit Mockingbird once to kill her. Which is big talk considering she’s making him look like he’s flailing angrily.

Mockingbird: “Some folks have said I mock them when I fight, the way I’m always one step ahead of them -- one inch beyond their reach! But I just know how to fight -- right?”

Then she flips him on his ass.

His mistake was attacking her when she had a lot of frustration to work out.

Also, she’s kinda pissed about him using kung fu to kill instead of for spiritual discipline.

Razorfist: ‘This is fine, sexism will save me’

Mockingbird: ‘Low kick, lol!’

Meanwhile, Iron Man is still have a bad day with Shockwave.

Guy keeps hitting Tony to prevent him from resetting the armor.

(Iron Man manages to shoot a unibeam at Shockwave, which he dodges. But I guess that means there’s some power left? I dunno how that works.)

Shockwave finally manages to fuse the system reset closed so Iron Man can’t even get to it but grabbing onto Iron Man’s Iron Arm lets him... reverse the polarity? Which flings Shockwave away from him.

Then Iron Man jumps on him, yelling about how this is a character moment for him because he fixed his life from the spiral he had been in and chose to continue as Iron Man.

Also, he grabs Shockwave by the throat and starts choking him. Wow, kinda intense, Tony.

Shockwave threatens to blow out the rest of the circuits in the Iron Man armor but he’s overlooked something.

Iron Man: “But once my circuits go, my hands will be locked around your neck, with all my weight on top! I wouldn’t kill you consciously but you’ll still die!”

That’s a fun loophole on the Avengers don’t kill thing, Tony.

‘I’m not killing you, I’m just creating a situation that will be fatal if I can’t stop it!’

Shockwave panics and turns off his armor’s power, upon which Iron Man headbutts him unconsciousness.

Iron Man: “And so, Iron Man wins after all!”

Fun that Iron Man was the one who was having the hardest time with his opponent but wins first.

Although, the other two don’t take much longer.

Despite Zaran the Weapon Master’s hundreds of weapons and despite Hawkeye being an archery expert, Hawkeye closes the distance and bonks Zaran with his bow.

I think he was doing it to prove a point? Since Zaran had talked about taking on Cap and Hawkeye has that thing where he’s always lowkey competing with Cap.

Anyway, Mockingbird is literally smacking Razorfist’s ass with her telescoping rod and interrogates him for why any of this is happening.

Razorfist: “We represent the Blood Tong of Hong Kong! They plan to open operations in America! Super heroes -- SHIELD -- the masses of your police -- none shall stem our inevitable victory!”

Since that’s what Mockingbird wanted to hear, she clobbers him unconscious.

As the only one of the three villains still conscious, Zaran darts away from Hawkeye, scoops up Shockwave, and escapes in a flying car.

What a character.

Not great that none of the three heroes present did much to stop him but eh. Lets blame this on Hawkeye.

Oh and while Mockingbird was distracted by flying car, Razorfist also snuck away. So lets blame Mockingbird too.

The only one who is blameless is Iron Man who is stuck inside a ton of almost useless power armor and has a reaction time of no.

Based on Razorfist’s threats that whatever a Blood Tong is is definitely coming, Iron Man and Hawkeye discuss how they should get the word out to the East Coast Avengers, the Fantastic Four, and Nick Fury.

Mockingbird insists that they do it through Proper Channels instead of just going back to Nick’s secret barbershop and telling him directly. He made it very clear that he doesn’t want help and dammit Mockingbird cares about his pride.

(Hawkeye doesn’t but this isn’t a hill he’s going to die on, the hill he eventually dies on is much stupider)

Anyway, Iron Man argues that costumed idiots is more a superhero concern than a thing for super spies. “Something for the ‘fancy folks'!”

All three heroes miss a flash card that Shockwave dropped mid-battle.

And sure, its evidently in code and only translated for the audience’s benefit.

But geez Shockwave, you’re one dumb, stupid idiot carrying that into battle with you! You can’t remember THREE names??

The real shocker is that SHIELD hired the three bozos to kill Mockingbird, Hawkeye, and Iron Man specifically. The Blood Tong thing was a cover story for if they were captured.

And since its specifically Mockingbird, Hawkeye, and Iron Man, I think we’re supposed to suspect that Nick Fury is behind this.

He’s acting jerkassier than usual and all.

Since I don’t think its relevant to the West Coast Avengers book, I’ll just reveal the gist of the SHIELD limited series.

Rogue LMDs have infiltrated SHIELD.

Is SHIELD ever not infiltrated?

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Yesterday’s late night sketch I’m actually really happy with how it turned out 💕 iPad Pro, Procreate Credit me if you repost. Please be respectful in reblogs and comments. Do not involve my artwork in fandom discourse.