#beloved mutuals (all my mutuals): this post is not about you
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ok, you know what, fuck it, fic recs post. historically i try not to rec works in progress or things i haven't commented on and i'm throwing that fully out the window for this because honestly, fucking whatever.
if you're on this list and i haven't been fully unhinged at you in the comments, please know that it's because (1) i'm the worst and (2) i'm trying desperately to calibrate so i hit 'enthusiastic' and not 'kind of frightening, actually'. i swear that i have written at least several sentences of a comment for every fic on this list, it's just that i'm genuinely impossibly slow, sometimes. it's me, not you.
my previous rec post is here, in case you missed that. as a bonus, special for this rec list and as a concession to the horrors, i am attempting to guess how much any given fic will fuck up the average person. obviously this is a ymmv kind of situation, but i'm trying, at least?
everything else under a cut because i am longwinded.
and found by @dangerouscommiesubversive, explicit, every possible combination of di feisheng/fang duobing/li lianhua | li xiangyi; bless, but i am not typing all that out. starting off with a wip where i haven't left a comment in like four fuckin' chapters, breaking those rules real good. this fic is a fucking ride. i will admit that i wasn't entirely convinced by the premise when i saw the blurb, but i am nothing if not willing to admit when i was wrong, and i was—once again—totally wrong. this is the fic where i was like 'ok but…is anyone really, like, desperate for gen z li xiangyi?' and then i read it and i was like 'ohhhhhh fuck yeah, ok, i get it, i was actually fully desperate for gen z li xiangyi.' he is. such a little prick. i love him. there has been something unexpected and delightful in every single chapter of this so far, plus a number of impressively memorable one-liners. this fic is fun and distracting and at least as of chapter seven, i'm gonna say it's not even gonna fuck you up. (please note that this is only through chapter seven!)
and the days are bright red by @junemermaid, explicit, di feisheng/fang duobing/li lianhua. rip to my beloved tumblr mutual @junemermaid, because they're getting called out twice in this list, but: tough. this fic is so delightful. featuring: memories of slut era li lianhua, the mortifying ordeal of being known, an entire box of historically accurate sex toys, fang duobing and di feisheng communicating (sometimes silently) in a way that unsettles li lianhua (back from his months-long sojourn), some very hot sex that is both very much about sex and also about trust and being perceived, casual intimacy, and fledgling tenderness. there are Emotions in this, and they get moderately intense, but it's a very kind and surprisingly gentle feel-good fic.
a drink under a clear window by @momosandlemonsoda, explicit, di feisheng/fang duobing and fang duobing/qiao wanmian. a fic that tackles the dreaded v-shaped polycule and makes it work. it seems like perhaps it shouldn't: fang duobing as the hinge, with di feisheng and qiao wanmian on either side, but actually it works perfectly, and is a lovely little glimpse at who they could become and the relationships they could have. i love the thought of qiao wanmian having come into her own as a leader in her own right, as more than just the representative of the ghost of li xiangyi, and this does a wonderful job of letting her be her own person. also, yes, ok, passing fang duobing back and forth like a party favour. this is a post-canon fic in which li lianhua is dead, but the fic itself a straightforward delight that is not at all fucky uppy.
the floating clouds, no resting place, again by @junemermaid (not sorry), technically gen and no ship, but functionally pre-di feisheng/fang duobing/li lianhua. the hair-washing fic. ohhhhhh. i started jotting notes for this post the day that i finished this fic, and i really thought that they were in any way comprehensive, but instead, what i typed and left as a note to myself was this:
and honestly. you're right, hypothetical reader, that doesn't totally make sense, but i stand by it regardless, because i apparently had that thought in [checks date i last saved the file] fucking august, and i'm still nodding along with myself. that is that this is like. this fic is very beautiful and will make you ache and will leave you slightly better at the end of it than you were at the beginning. it may also make you cry; this seems to me a fair enough trade.
the floating lotus by @anndramarama, not rated, di feisheng/li xiangyi. pre-canon stuff doesn't always work super well for me, but i really enjoyed this one, featuring di feisheng and li xiangyi when they're both so young and arrogant and full of themselves—and stupid and naïve and young and almost hopeful in a way that they're often not, in fic, for all that they were barely but children at the point of the donghai fight. they just seem…vulnerable, i guess, in this, in a way that i find touching. seasonal bonus: a ghost story, of a sort. given that this is set pre-canon, i think it's hard to come in any softer than bittersweet, which this very much is.
from here one's hand could pluck the stars by @howlingmoonrise, explicit, di feisheng/fang duobing. sex pollen fic! also featuring, a little surprisingly, given the premise, incredibly explicit and enthusiastic consent. look, this does what it says on the tin. di feisheng gets sex pollened. fang duobing is left to stay with him. the obvious ensues. unfortunately, it is also devastatingly charming? fang duobing is earnest and sweet; di feisheng is suffering beautifully terribly and trying so hard not to impose on fang duobing. they're both trying so hard to be respectful of what the other person needs, but they're also still bratty and argumentative and exasperated/exasperating, and it's very entertaining. this will fuck you up none percent, and may even make you laugh.
my war is done by @orchisailsa, explicit, di feisheng/fang duobing/li lianhua. another wip, with the first of three chapters posted, but please understand that this chapter is nearly 15k and so fucking good and compelling. li lianhua lives! and returns to find that things have changed in his absence, and perhaps that he has also changed in his absence, and now wants things that he had told himself he didn't mind not even having to lose. bonus: road trip and—delight!—only one room at the inn. also some other stuff that i'm not spoiling, but that made me absolutely gleeful. this is definitely a work in progress, and while i don't think there's anything particularly upsetting in the chapter, it does end on something of a cliffhanger. i personally do not feel that this is an upsetting cliffhanger, given the information about the fic that's presented in the tags, but it is technically a cliffhanger.
awkward paragraph break, but it's also important, i think, to mention the absolutely stunning (and not at all safe for work) companion piece to my war is done, you'd be there calling my name, by saki the cup bearer, who i don't think is on tumblr. it's fucking incredible; i am very decidedly not an artist but i cannot begin to imagine how much effort went into this. just. holy shit.
not unlike him in shape and form by @philologicalbat, explicit, fang duobing/li lianhua. ok look. i fucking love when things are deeply emotionally messy, and this is so emotionally messy. li lianhua who's been attracted to fang duobing and not doing anything about it, then discovering that fang duobing is shan gudao's son and is very much going to do something about it. he wants in this, and he's cunty and manipulative and mean about it, and sometimes also almost sweet, almost tender, and i love that, because i feel like li lianhua is very often an object of desire and very rarely gets to desire. i love how human he gets to be in this fic. this is not a sweet or gentle fic, but it does end in a moderately tender place that is tentatively hopeful, i think.
unbecoming heir by @bettercostume, explicit, di feisheng/princess zhaoling. i am taking your hand in mine and begging you to trust me. i know what this fic looks like. it's noncon and a weird pairing and you might look at it and expect it to go in the obvious direction and: it does not. this fic is so good that it makes me angry. it makes me miserable and everyone in this fic is trying so miserably, miserably hard, and it's fucking devastating. i spent literally thirty minutes earlier today yelling at my wife about it. i cannot rec this fic strongly enough. this is not a happy fic, but it is a good fic. it will absolutely fuck you up. this is very complimentary but also you will be fucked up.
until you are its primary evidence by @ilgaksu, mature, di feisheng/fang duobing/li lianhua. the single most effective use of what is effectively a prologue that i've ever seen in fic, are you kidding me. this fic is nothing at all like what i expected it to be, and is something far better than what i could have imagined. it's fang duobing's point of view, which is a rarity already, and it's so well done, and it allows him so much humanity and so much anger and grace alike. there are so many tricky things about this fic—the prologue, the fact that it's set in the amnesia arc, fang duobing's pov, the fact that it actually addresses canonical disabilities and illnesses without being fucking weird about it, the tension between the three of them—and it's all balanced so well. this has some emotionally heavier moments but ends tentatively happily; tentative only because it's set during the amnesia arc, and, well. we know what comes next.
as a final note: if you wrote one of these fics and feel that i've wildly misinterpreted the emotional tenor of the ending, please message me in whatever way you prefer and i will correct it. i would not normally presume to guess how things are likely hit people, as i am in many ways not anyone's ideal reader, but today it seemed like it was kinder to at least try.
#mysterious lotus casebook#fic recs#mlc fic#difanghua#liansanjiao#difang#fanghua#feihua#sorry to everyone who's seeing this post twice! it's just that i tried to correct one thing (missed a tag) and tumblr ate the whole post 💀#anyhow!#this is not what i had planned to do with my overnight last night#but it was an enjoyable couple of hours rereading all of these#so thank you very much for that#hopefully someone else who wants distraction will also find this useful#everyone please rest up and take care of yourself and stay hydrated and stuff ok? ok. good talk.#echoes linger#also i swear that i'm working on the comments thing#it's just that sometimes forming my thoughts into something audible to other people#feels very much like diy tooth extraction#the kind with rusty pliers and a shot of vodka#you know?#i'm working on it 💕
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so we all saw @dr2-hell's updated bunnymaeda design right. because i sure as hell did
#martzipan#nagito komaeda#GRRGRGRGRRGHHH I'M OBSESSED WITH THIS DESIGNNNNN . I LOVE IT SO MUCHHHH#wanted to do some pose practice. so i went to my beloved pinterest board#and . considering i have been thinking nonstop abt bunnymaeda today. he seemed to be the best subject#this outfit is GORGEOUS and beautifully designed to like every last detail. i am truly insane about it#that said. oh my GOD it takes so long to draw.... all those damn BELTS#worth it though it's so so so fucking pretty. i want those boots and gloves i am Jealous#still not over the zipper. guys the zipper goes. it goes ALL the way to the tail. do you know what that Means#it means something i can let you infer. it also means that i can both draw bulge and evoke pussy imagery <3#<- most vulgar tag i have put on an art post in a while. mutuals you didn't read that one#really sad i couldn't include his little clover earring bc i think it's so cute#unfortunately i draw the maeda with little hair tufts at his ears#anyways i love this design so much. i am going to. Eat Him <3
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What if Doug and Kayleen Gpi were lesbians. Are you guys ready for this one yet. Am I too early
#Fun fact the way I drew them is based on this one straight gpi production#Doug was a guy in it but I know better#took a good look at him and immediately thought HANDSOME BUTCH#So it’s real now. You’re welcome (all three ?? Of you 😁)#Kayleen t girl femme gpi#Doug tboy butch gpi#SCREAMING INTO THE VOID.#CAN ANYONE HEAR ME?#ITS SO DARK IN HERE#Honorable mention to beloved husband Robin#for making the one post where he said the thing about Kayleen wearing skirts over jeans.#like yeah. Insanely based.#gonna be so honest that’s like the whole reason I drew this#OKAY IM GOING INSANE#gruesome playground injuries#kayleen gpi#doug gpi#MILO ART#lesbian#queer#I think like. Everyone is asleep or has disappeared off tumblr rn#but IDC. I REFUSE RO WAIT TO POST ANYTHINGGGG#Crossing my fingers that the rest of you gpi mutuals will find your way here#I trust…..
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got hit with the echo+sora brainrot so i am once more rambling in your askbox about it. because reasons.
anywho i think there is something truly saddening about echo's struggles to make peace within herself and how she truly finds it hard to find that peace when she is so certain that if the truth about her origins were to be revealed to the world, much less to *sora*, everything she achieved, everything she worked for, all of which matters to her most, will crumble away in a moment's notice.
but the fear of losing all your life's work is none compared to the fear of losing sora. the feeling of poison that settled itself within themselves and between each other out of fear and tragedy of what had happened to them is familiar. echo's resemblance to dusknoir was already enough to set the two off because of how much it had all hurt to see someone you love and yourself turn into a mockery and a splitting image of someone who had pretended to care yet showed he never did at all, but this poison is louder. it hurts to bare, to carry, and to have none but yourself to be its sole holder.
but this poison, this feeling of heartache is different. because whereas the previous pain was something both of them felt, sora was lucky enough to not have known the truth about the person who she cares for so dearly.
echo knows that she used to be darkrai. and it haunts her to have known that her previous incarnation was so *cruel*, all for the sake of it just feeling right. wishing to engulf an entire world in darkness, solely for whatever desire she used to have.
and for how much she knows, how much she will hammer it into her own head that she is *not* like that anymore, that she looks at her past with sneer and disgust and that she will not be the barer of evil anymore, it will not matter in the slightest when she will have to look at sora if she were to ever find out.
how afraid, angry and dejected she would look when finding out, and how she will go on the defense/offense because of how much this will overwhelm her.
because when echo looks at her own shadow, she sees herself for what she is. she knows what she is, be it out of shame or guilt.
but when sora will look at it, she will see a tall, contorting and menacing shadow, towering over with a bright cyan eye doing nothing but looking at her, as if tempting her to make the next move.
and she defends herself. from someone she knows will not harm her. she raises her arms up in self defense from a hand that would never hurt her more than the world has already did.
she knows echo will not hurt her. and thats why she is afraid.
Oh my oh my OH MY, Sinnoh!!! YES YES YES!
HOW!!! IN THE WORLD!!! Are you so good at crawling into my head and creating these vivid analysis/snippets on my OCs??? I've barely shared ANY information about Echo and Sora because I've been wanting to hoard most of my stuff for when my fic is finally finished... but... I think you've broken my resolve a bit, if I'm entirely honest.
You know what? I'm so inspired by your accuracy and eagerness to talk about my girls that I'm gonna forgo my crippling anxiety regarding my writing skills and instead post a snippet of my WIP fic here as a treat for you. A teaser, if you will. Since I have no idea when the fic in question will actually be done and ready (or when I will be satisfied with it, cause the thing is currently 36,000 words and still slowly climbing). And now you've got me eager to share SOMETHING of my fic with you and anyone that might want to take a peek at it.
Please enjoy this conversation between Dusknoir and Echo. The topic deals a lot with what you'd described up above!! c:
[Note: this is an unedited part of my fic because I am still in the process of writing and it may change in the future, so please be gentle w/ me but I'd love to read any thoughts/comments that pop up while reading!! pls send asks or replies or anything really cause I love you guys]
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“I’m going to tell you something now, and you are going to listen.” Echo commands with a sharp bite in her voice that Dusknoir cannot fathom ignoring. He pauses and then offers a slow nod, waiting, wondering what she could possibly desire to tell him at a time like this, of all things.
Minutes pass as Echo remains rooted in place, still as her own shadow, and her eyes dart around as she stares at the patches of dry grass and sand beneath her paws. Her claws clench and unclench, digging into the earth like daggers as the wind of the forest (it’s trees so close, just behind them, a looming sort of presence that could engulf them whole) whistles through the surrounding branches, carrying stray leaves of many bright greens through the chilling breeze. Dusknoir watches them dance around Echo, twirling, floating down, down, down… but it’s quiet, too quiet, and Dusknoir feels a shiver pass through him when Echo’s voice finally rings out through the silence.
"When I evolved, Sora was petrified," She says, nearly a whisper, an admission that melts away her confidence and appears to bring her a flood of both shame and regret. Her face twists up then, strangely, like she’d felt a twinge of pain from somewhere deep inside the very fabric of her own soul and was unable to quell it. "She couldn’t even bring herself to look at me most days. At first, my appearance… well, it reminded her too much of you. And eventually of someone I used to be.”
Someone I used to be. At that, Dusknoir’s immediate reaction is to recall Echo’s previous life as a human, as the miserable shell of a creature surviving alongside Grovyle that he’d relentlessly hunted in the dark future. A human made of contempt and anger and apathy, who never smiled or laughed or cried or screamed like the old legends said humans would-- an entity that simply existed rather than lived. An echo of a life long dead and buried. But, judging by her tone, by her voice, by some uneasy intuition itching in the back of his mind like a swarm of pestilent Ninjask… he knows that she means something else entirely. Something that she isn’t willing to share. And frankly, that concept utterly terrifies him.
Someone I used to be. Dusknoir wants to speak, to break his own silence, wants to ask the myriad of questions bubbling up in his throat because this isn't the first time she's hinted at another life beyond being human, but those questions die at the source like a flame doused in water. And always the coward, coward, coward, instead he takes the easy way out by doing nothing at all. Whether Echo notices his surge of inner conflict or not-- the nervous wring of his hands and the tremble in his spine that he cannot control under her gaze-- she does not react.
“I’d take a step and Sora would flinch away.” Echo confesses, her markings flickering with light before going dark and dead, as if her body wished to snuff them out entirely, a deep seated rejection, a self-loathing so strong that Dusknoir cannot help but recognize it and empathize, and his heart aches, “It took ages for her to stop shaking when I’d speak. To stop looking at me like-- like I was going to…”
Echo grimaces like she’s enduring waves of grueling torture and doesn’t finish that string of thought, but it’s not hard to make an educated guess on what went unsaid. Like I was going to betray her. Hurt her. Break her heart. She’s been through so much already and I couldn’t bear to be another influence in the history of her suffering. I hate myself because of how I made her feel. When her eyes went wide in fear and through them I could see myself staring back like some sort of burden, some sort of curse.
“I am not my past.” Proud and true, Echo straightens up and holds her head high, a spark igniting in her eyes, a glint of determination, a will to keep going and going despite such circumstances and strife, despite this horrid, unspeakable past that haunts her so, “And I am definitely not you. It’s taken a while, but I know that much now. I’ve accepted it.”
I am not my past. And I am definitely not you.
A sigh, a breath, and Echo glances at him with a certain sorrow that cannot be described, a sorrow that lingers even through the veil of her tenacity, "But no matter how I feel, no matter my conviction, my shadows still find ways through the cracks. Every time I think I'm getting a grip and that I might finally understand myself… I change all over again." She admits, sounding more angry and tired than defeated now-- like a mirror of her old self, her human self that had clawed and damned and cursed him, despised him more than anything. "I hate it. I hate that I never truly know who I am. That I have to learn about my past through stories others tell me, or through fragments of twisted, broken memories that I wouldn't wish on anyone. Through conflict and pain and… and..."
"Echo," Dusknoir murmurs her name softly, an offering, a potential escape if only she would wish to drop the subject and forget this conversation had ever happened-- if she'd overstepped and needed an excuse to back out, a diversion, an understanding. And briefly, Dusknoir wonders why she is opening up about this particular information, why she would delve into something so vulnerable, so personal. Why she would bring up this hurtful history when it obviously brings her great discomfort.
And then, he gets an answer.
“You’re lucky, Dusknoir." There it is, that wildfire burning in her eyes again. A spark that’s new and bold and startling. But lucky? No, never. He'd have to disagree, accounting the mountain of evidence that was his life and regrettable deeds.
"You already know exactly who you are and what you’ve done, and most importantly why. You have more than a tattered picture of yourself that reflects broken answers. And you can change with that knowledge. I see you trying.” She tells him, searching, looking for something so deeply and Dusknoir wishes he knew what it could be so that he could give it to her, because he would, he would gladly give it to her without a second thought if it meant they could be close again. But he isn’t a fool, and he’s wise enough to know they’ll never be like they were before. “And if somehow I could change, even as half-assed as I have. Well, then what’s your excuse?”
You can do it, say her unspoken words, I believe in you.
#Sinnoh I have so many Echo and Sora feels right now and IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT HOW DO I COPE#like... i am so amazed with what you wrote in this ask i honestly don't even know HOW to reply because I'm stunned it's so perfect#my fic is from Dusknoir's POV and explores his relationship with Grovyle and Celebi and also his reconciliation with Echo and Sora#just stating that for anyone who hasn't seen my previous post about my WIP fic cause that was like... more than 6 months ago#I am... really REALLY nervous posting this because Dusknoir is very beloved by the community and I wanna do him justice#and there are SO many amazing writers amongst my mutuals and I wanna be a COOL KID like you guys#I realize this snippet is mostly just about Echo and that Dusknoir has no actual dialogue... (even tho he talks A LOT in the fic)#but the portions of Dusknoir's thoughts and descriptions I want to GET RIGHT the vibes need to be ACCURATE#(pls tell me the vibes are accurate)#note: he is majorly nervous rn tho cause he and Echo have not fully reconciled and he's TRYING to listen and be there for her now#(insert his attempt at dadnoir; he's giving it a shot guys)#Meanwhile Echo is dealing with BIG TIME problems and regrets and guilt cause Dusknoir returning to the past resurfaced all of that grief#Me; the writer; knowing that the truth about Echo's past would mess up Dusknoir for YEARS: oh my idiot ghost dad... you have NO idea bro#echo/umbreon#sora/lucario#pmd ocs#dusknoir#pmd eos#pmd2#wip fic#Yes I have a fic title but I'm not sharing it cause it's spoilers ok
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The one thing I regret the most is that I can't support everybody as much as I wish I could. I want to comment on everything my mutuals say because whatever they posted is important to them, so it's important to me, too! I want to comment on and reblog every fic they write, everything they draw, every GIFset they make, every headcanon post, every theory they put forth. I just want them to know how much I value them and their opinions and the things they create and I just inevitably miss so much and it makes me sad.
#mutuals my beloved#honestly you don't even have to be one of my mutuals for me to feel this way#i want to support everybody#i want all fics to be read and have comments#i want all creative posts whatever they are to feel appreciated#if you post about your day i want to like that post so you know someone saw it and they care#it just... burns me that i can't do this for everybody#i can't even do it consistently for a handful of people#i know nobody expects that#it's just how i feel#i feel helpless sometimes in life#and this makes me feel like i can support somebody and can maybe make their day a little better in this way#and i want to do it#you ought to see my list of to-be-read fics#i WANT to be reading them all#but if i don't have the time or the energy to comment i don't want to read and then forget to comment you know?#commenting on fics and vids and art posts is important to me#anyway i'm just rambling#i just wanted to let you know if i've failed to comment on or interact with in someway something of yours it's not because i don't care#i just didn't get there yet#or it slipped through the swiss cheese holes in my brain somehow#but i love you and support you and you're so important and i want you to always know that okay?#ageless aislynn
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[Start ID. A drawing of @mieczmaszyna 's character Izzy. In the words of its creator, Izzy is a humanoid robot with a white chassis, oval head, black headset, square green glasses, claws, and a tail resembling a cable plug. Ai wears a cowboy hat, vest decorated by a star and bottle cap, pants with tassels, spurred boots, and a red bandanna. He's viewed from the side, kicking up one leg and holding both arms out in front of itself to shoot finger guns, looking excited and rather jaunty. The background is a dull yellow-green, muddied by the warm reddish tone of the drawing, and in paler green are the words "BANG BANG!!" by ais arms. End ID]
robot cowboy!!!
#peridots-art#bots#others' ocs#izzy#mieczmaszyna#gotta admit doing all the shading here was. very fun. insert medic hoo noise#i don't know if people usually read these but @ the intended recipient of this post! if you are!!#i remember first liking your art a year ago (actually only about a week off now lol) when it crossed my dash for the first (/only) time#and then found it again whilst enjoying the funky robot dudes (yesm/p03) and their respective games and I fell in Love with your style#i also was always enthused by the number of my fixations that you also liked! fnv! insc! ultkll! tf2 and hylics which i've never played!#and then there's hk which has been my most prominent special interest for close to two years so. safe to say that was. AWESOME to see#ALSO ALSO!! i think we may be like. mutuals-in-law*2??#by which i mean one of my two closest friends on this site (holly) is mutuals with a cool artist (sodapop)#who i learned by accident that you've sent asks to before. either way it's cool :]#reserving the caption 'robot cowboys my beloved' for the future cause there are too many! victor and p03 and my own guy atoya and now this?#it is a wonderful problem. anyway i'm also looking at P3RI and realizing how many traits they and izzy share by accident lol#think. that should be all the tags (see: incoherent rambling). really like your stuff and have been meaning to draw something for you for#a while just got nervous 👍
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also i think i should put together xiaoyun crumbs list for people who are insane (me)
#there is a thread by a beloved mutual (?) and person i look up to wrt interpretations of the characters on twitter#and im looking through it again its so cute#but it hasn't been updated with like lantern rite stuff or the waterborne poetry stuff so i might as well make a new compilation here#i just read the thread again and like LAUGHING again at that little girl in qingce village who wonders what would make adeptus xiao smile#because if you play her in tcg. GUESS WHAT HER DECK IS#CHONGYUN XIAO AND SHENHE LIKE LMFAO I CANNOT MAKE THIS UP#literally took a screenshot when she popped up because i was like WOIFHOIEWJGKLEWFJW choked on my water truly#im insane shut me up about them#certified copium post bc THEYRE TOO CUTE#and this all started w a little bit of yang energy and karmic debt headcanons weh#they've come so far.... canon interaction after like 2 years ..... :') my babies#ramblings!#xiaoyun
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Someday tumblr is going to be gone, or I will, and that's ok. It's sad, yes, but at least I will have known you. At least I'll still be able to quote terrible posts with my friends, at least I'll be able to look back and remember all these people who are closer to me than anyone I knew before. This site has gotten shit, but at least we've been here together. At least I met you.
#just a load of garbage#im having a lot of emotions today sorry lol#but its true im so glad to have met you all#tomorrows 4 months since my auntie died and ive just been thinking a lot about connections#like some of you i reblog posts from and stuff but ive never talked to you#i dont know your favourite colour or your favourite type of pasta but i do know that i love you#i dont know what your name is or how old you are but i do know that without you my life would be different#to my followers:#yall deal with my bullshit on a daily basis and for that i love you more than life itself#this site has given me a new favourite story#a new favourite song#a new favourite movie#and for that i will be forever grateful#this site has given me the chance to make new friendships#like my beloved bestie jachary#and to strengthen ones that existed before#like tay and emmy and sarah and all my other irls#my mutuals who ive never talked to#reach out to me! talk to me about anything#i will value it more than anything#and my beloved frog anon#i havent responded to some of your asks because i cant think of a response worthy enough#so yeah let me say it again in case you didnt understand#i love you all#<3
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just saw that there's a monster in the hull update and realized i'd missed three of those........this + the audio are such treats giggling and kicking my feet about it fr. going to leave a comment on the fic itself but in the meantime needed to drop a letter on here to say i love the way you write billie--her loneliness, her thoughtfulness, distrust of yet attraction to emily and everything she represents........not to mention the way she's haunted by daud, the longing for a life she can't fathom and will never have !!! society if everyone gave billie the complexity she deserves. and your banter and prose are stunning as always lord everything abt this fic is so good. bringing wine to you on the deck to drink together about it in spirit and yes pun intended
🙏😭 thank you so so much I don't know what to say! that's amazingly kind of you ♥ its a genuine pleasure to like. double down on themes and nuance and less popular characters and just like. idk. trustfall into the fandom that there's people with taste like you, and you can invite them onto your metaphorical deck for wine and meaningful looks 🍷♥♥♥
re: billie - no one else in the dh universe comes close to whatever she has going on
hiding my thoughts about writing dh2 billie >
there's so much material to her!
i thought i'd never write for dishonored 2 (not derogatory - its my favourite game). its undoubtedly linear & doesn't have the mystery or grit of dh1 IMO.
but i saw lapin post that billie & emily comic, and i saw a few other people i respect mention billie/emily and it had me rotating them until the abjection/emily-monster thing clicked and then it was downhill from there
but there's more to think about - what billie has been doing with herself, how she feels about daud & the whalers at this point in her life, her relationship with sokolov (god.a separate rant), her history in karnaca & dunwall, emily's place in the empire and how that fits into billie's story, her lifelong revenge arc, and comparisons between jessamine & deirdre.
like. when you consider billie's perspective you realise how fucking badass she is for going back to dunwall. she not only did it scared she did it scared for her life. suicidal level flimsy disguise trapped in a tin can with your enemy. etc
PLEASE tell me if you ever decide to post that daud & billie fic you mentioned a while back :O
#asks#corpseprince my beloved <333#thinkin bout your one-day fic. daud and billie are SO difficult to write#not simply father daughter but like. the suicide pact vibes they have and the all consuming nature of dauds bonds#and there's a strong running tension between them#not to mention neither being the type for feelings#the more 'dishonored fandom friendly' fics im working on i've deprioritised recently#yuri on the way <3 there was a deficit anyway!#mostly excited for brigmore smut#if i may bitch on your lovely post (sorry). if you cbf with that stop reading here#idk. it keeps happening#so i post a chapter. maybe get 2 kudos that week#which is nice and i smile every time im stoked to see readers around#but then one or two days later some unpleasant fucko on tumblr has taken one of the ideas i put in the new chapter of my fic#and turned that into a low quality textpost like it was their idea. it gets a heap of notes#and its always a *highly specific* idea after i posted it. and i know what the fandom is talking about broadly so it sticks out#i dont mind at all when its like mutuals or people who have commented or talked to me then its more like 🤝#like. someone who doesnt appear to have ever interacted with me or the fic#im not trying to flatter myself by saying theres no chance its a coincidence. but its offputting as hell#backhanded signal of success? bestie thats my meta post but you made it worse <3#so my focus rn is niche-r stuff for smart cool people with taste#THE RAMBLING. *tops up your wineglass if you made it this far*
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i can’t message my friends anymore abt saw without being put on the vore list (it’s a long story) and i have sworn off twitter so i have no choice but to complain here. some of the meta/analysis posts i see on this site are genuinely just people watching the movies and listing what happens 😭 like… congratulations for paying attention and listening and seeing the text and action on screen im really proud of you . this is important work bc many people watch movies without somehow doing this (cough cough cough cough spiral cough cough) and i think it’s important for those people to come on tumblr and see the information that they missed during the movie (somehow) but. it is also frustrating to see people saying Guys 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯 Did you know that this surface level interaction happens on screen in the movie?
#this is NOT about my beloved mutuals btw you all mean the world to me. just this one post i’ve seen circulating (about strahm lol)#not tagging and turning off reblogs sorry blacklist gang.
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you guys don't even know. about my great hugs
#you don't even KNOW!! 😭#one of my stepsisters-in-law posted on my fb about 'can't wait to see you soon and get one of your infamously awesome hugs'#and I'm gonna put that on my resume#these hugs? oh THESE hugs?? INFAMOUS.#anyway in a good and just world y'all could see for yourself because in a good and just world I could hug ALL of my friends#beloved mutuals in my heart I am hugging you SO MUCH#in case you don't like hugs in which case I suppose I'll have to just try and beam my warmth and joy into you telepathically instead#about me
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alexa play daydreaming by aretha franklin on repeat for the rest of the day
#SIIGGHHHHHHH#this is literally me swooning and literally being genuine friends with the man i like ssoooo muuchhhhh#like he’s all “let me pick you up’’ and ‘don’t worry about it i got it’ and ‘who thinks your gorgeous? ME’#‘when can i see you’ and ‘i don’t want you to ever be uncomfortable’ ‘i don’t want to force you’ ‘i will never hurt you VK’#*silently listening and nodding then responding according to EACHA ND EVERY POINT#and the soft eye contact and the way he’ll be like ‘nah don’t worry about that don’t even think like that i’m not like that 100%’#LIKE SIR!!!!#i’m just going to keep making posts about his man til kingdom come he’s so sweet oh be still my heart#mutuals my beloved <3#vk overshares in the tags#Friendly Giant ™️#FG
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some of yall are avoidant in the strangest ways when it comes to acknowledging the presence of emotional interconnection - and the decisions driven by them - amongst characters in a story. especially romantic, but i've seen it happen for like. literally anything.
i say strange cause i'll see someone say "X story is about LOVE!" and then turn right around and say that acknowledging the fact that a character's choice is partially or largely fueled by that love cheapens their narrative or deprives the character of agency. as if love, a strong narrative, and chracter agency cannot possibly coexist. ???
and sure, yeah, in certain circumstance it IS simply incorrect to make out a character's motivations to be driven by/for another character. but sometimes it's like. you think the very presence of this interconnection - romantic, platonic, familial, or otherwise - cheapens the narrative even in moments (or within entire narratives) where these connections are The Whole Damn Point.
#if you interpret this as being about shipping im biting you#not all romance is shipping not all shipping is romance#and also this post is not Only about romantic connections as stated. Several Times. tho i will admit to seeing it More Often about romance-#-but imo thats just cause of the prevalence of shipping in fandom spaces. not bc ppl Only think this way abt romance#and i see this happen eventually in like. pretty much any fandom im in with an observable presence#anyways characters arent in a vacuum on Any level there will always be impact from other characters in their choices love and light#beso babbles#not rebloggable cause i only trust my beloved mutuals to not read into this in the Worst ways possible lmao#i said what i said and Only what i said
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Some of you all need to read the posts you reblog and use the tiniest shred of awareness
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ok update on the stressful thing i had to rant to paul about last night: i had to call bruce about it this morning and bruce literally saved my ass he's literally the best. also even in the middle of crying on the phone to bruce mcculloch (which is not a thing i ever thought i'd experience so wtf) i was still able to have this hilarious exchange:
me: oh my god thank you so much, you're definitely my favorite kid in the hall now bruce: (fake offended) and i wasn't before???? i was probably third, behind kevin and dave me: no, you were all tied for number one! except for mark bruce: yeah mark is kind of b-tier
#again being vague about the stressful thing bc like as much as i love sharing my personal kith updates#there are still some things i want to keep just for myself. online boundaries and all that y'know?#HOWEVER. if you are my mutual/a beloved kith follower (any kith follower) and you dm me i'll give you the full details#just bc like there's a difference between posting personal stuff vs telling a friend in dms#and also as stressful as this was it is leading to something cool
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Shoutout to all my moots 😘 love my little friends I see them in my notifs and I give them kith on the forehead
#if you're seeing this post yes you're right it's about you#inspired by seeing little miss daisysjones and beloved daydreaming-optimistic reblogging a couple of my posts#kissing both of you tenderly on the forehead#and lovingly cupping all of my mutuals faces and nuzzling our noses together <3
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