#being in love brings out the worst in me
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honeypleasejustkillme · 2 years ago
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real photo i swear
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egophiliac · 2 years ago
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Have you heard of the "Crowley is Malleus' dad" theory going around? Where Prince Levan (or whatever his name is) didn't actually die and just went out to get some milk and is now known as Dire Crowley, the silly man? The implications of that theory is absolutely hilarious when you think about it
hold on, we can figure this out, we just need LISTS
PROS THAT CROWLEY IS SECRETLY REVAAN/LEVAN/LAVERNE/WHATEVER:
unspecified fae of some kind, with similar coloring to Mal
the animal masks are apparently a Briar Valley thing
has some kind of big blackmailable secret that was alluded to in episode 4, and then as far as I know never brought up again
(unless this was just Azul bullshitting, which is extremely possible)
based on Diablo, which...maybe means something?
has canonically worn Dad Shorts
CONS:
(gestures to Crowley's entire personality)
NO LISTEN Revaan was the guy they sent off on diplomatic missions and to take care of delicate political situations, and...look, I love this dweeb, but would you trust Crowley to be in charge of negotiating your war treaties
despite my brain insisting on reading his name as "Raven", Revaan's title does imply that he was also a dragon (or super into longan berries, I'm not ruling that out)
currently unclear why Lilia "my closest friend Revaan...he is no longer with us...I used to make fun of him for being kind of a priss about eating jerky..." Vanrouge has somehow not noticed or said anything
Malleus' Aloof Anime ~Aristocrat~ vibe had to come from somewhere, and by all accounts it was NOT his mom's side of the family
???:
turns into a bird in the opening, I don't know if that means anything but it's kinda cool, I guess
all that aside, if Malleus and Yuu are any indication, then the Draconias have...questionable taste in their social choices. so anything is possible!
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borgialucrezia · 4 months ago
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peaky blinders — 5x03 'strategy' created by steven knight
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struggling-jpg · 3 months ago
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2.7 Quest Thoughts
Spoilers Under Cut, it's a long one and is kinda incoherent and definitely doesn't cover everything I would've talked about in proper detail v-v
I felt heavily moved by the themes of this quest. Both Sunday and Tingyun (Fugue) are characters met with a huge shift in their worldview due to near-death experiences (especially on Tingyun's part with death), so I just wanted to word-vomit about it.
Tingyun first since her section in the quest was shorter, but the fact that they brought up the whole thing where she technically never met the Astral Express and how having Phantylia copy her so closely felt tickled the part of my brain that loves when media explores these topics and scenarios. The confusion and heartbreak that comes with having most of your existence taken and used, people experiencing "you" without it actually being you but being so close to you that you can't even find much comfort in the fact that it wasn't you (say that sentence twice ToT). Also how the trauma comes in the form of "Destruction" creating scars in her that won't ever leave, and while she's troubled by it, and will continue to be troubled by it, she chooses to take a step forward and take action, which is really cool for her in long term storytelling! I just hope we get more time with her grappling with these changes while she makes these strides, because of course, as established, those scars won't heal (at least not so easily). I have more thoughts but I don't think I can put them into coherent words at the moment.
Now, onto Sunday, he's always been an interesting figure in this game, especially his place among the player base and fandom. Genuinely, I think he's one of the most easily misread/misunderstood characters in HSR through a matter of media literacy, which is a mix of many things, and a slight failure of Penacony's long-winded writing, but that's a discussion many people have already brought up (plus a very fair criticism). Despite that, I think Sunday's intentions were pretty straightforward in the end, but for the sake of memes or something else, I've noticed that quite a bit of players twist him into something more malicious than he actually was (which tbh, he wasn't malicious at all).
(Part of me wonders if, in terms of players that also play Genshin, stemmed from the comparisons with Wanderer/Scaramouche, which that in itself is a can of worms I might make another post on.)
He's a lot of things. Very empathetic to the plights of those who can't fight for themselves, very meticulous and orderly (to the point disorder makes him feel uneasy), very sacrificial (self-sacrificial specifically, which I think players have confused with him having a "god complex" when it's more of a "savior complex"). Considering his background, he identified and related with the "weak" even if he wasn't fully aware of that before. All these traits that were shaped by his upbringing come to light in this quest.
Learning that Wonweek was a fragment of Sunday was really interesting, and what made things better was how their interactions near the end were handled. It could've been easy to do the merge and have Sunday "change" in ways that would have felt cheap or a speedrun of sorts to "redemption." But the thing about this quest is that this is just the starting point, so having Sunday express dislike for Wonweek, and while admiring certain traits, decide to maintain himself as he is now was great, in my opinion. It gives Sunday things to work towards at his own pace but also doesn't invalidate the intentions he came in with, which is the point Hoyo seems to be taking his journey with. Sunday's perspective wasn't entirely invalid like some players have made it seem to come across, it's just that his approach ended up being extreme/wrong. I appreciate that HSR didn't do a "we're absolutely right, you're completely wrong" approach with Sunday. I think it makes this new chapter in his journey feel more like a first step instead of a one-and-done "redemption quest."
Now we get to directly see Sunday trailblaze, learn, be challenged, grow, and have a potentially satisfying arc that spans over a longer time, which fits HSR's long-term storytelling. I, for one, welcome Sunday onto the Express.
I don't think I've been able to express my thoughts that well, but I wanted to do this while my emotions and memories were still fresh.
On another note, I found myself tearing up at the interactions between Tingyun and Yukong + Sunday and Robin. When you're aware of the contexts and backgrounds of these characters, it just makes the moments hurt more. There's so many things I could say from each conversation but I'm sorely lacking in the elegance to express them all. Different forms of support and parting, it's so bittersweet. (Yukong, my girl, I know you are suffering frfr)
Robin talking about Sunday and saying that he's stronger than most people but as a result, people expect him to get up faster when that isn't the case just got me, especially since he was actually agonizing over things in real time. The siblings make me sad, and I love their love for each other. The whole, we don't have to fly out together because we'll meet up in the sky stuff has me being a mess out in these parts. Maybe in a later post, I'll be able to talk about these parts with better articulation.
But for now, cheers to taking that first step forward!
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gojooooo · 1 year ago
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the idea that sukuna isn’t used to being chosen. can’t even conceive in the fucking slightest that it could be a thing. he’s gonna laugh at the mere concept of it like it’s the funniest joke on earth. he was an unwanted, ill fated child, the first thing he’d learned was how it feels to be shunned instead of loved. sure he’s used to being worshipped, respected, sometimes even admired and he knows it’s mostly out of fear, occasionally out of jealousy, maybe also out of idealization at times. but who would deliberately choose to have him by his side? who would choose such a monster, so cursed both in sight and in soul when they could choose anyone in the world?
so when yuuji, who could pick any regular, well adjusted person he meets in life, says he wants him, that he stays with him because he wants to and would look for him again and again in every lifetime because he likes, loves sukuna as he is, sukuna breaks down. because yuuji isn’t laughing, or making fun of him. yuuji means it. and he’s considerate enough to not say anything and just hold sukuna as his shoulders shake with every sob, pressing a kiss and then another and then another along his black markings until he believes it too, at least a little.
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itspileofgoodthings · 3 months ago
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#on Friday one of my students was like 'are you a swiftie' and i said yes#and this one boy was like i have never heard you mention her#and i gave myself a mental high five for my own restraint#i have really tried to tamp down on that this year because things just get out of hand too fast otherwise#then of course 6th period came around and my defenses were gone and it was Friday and several students were gone#so I spoke on her and what I believed her legacy would be lol#and then I felt really bad about that decision :((((( for some reason#the kids loved it. but that is no sign that it was the right call!#anyway still reflecting#i did love that the student didn't know#i really want to be restrained both in general but especially about Taylor in my professional setting#and just. not be opening myself up to needless barbs about her but also not alienating people?#i HATE alienating people i want to reach all of them and the less I have standing in my way the better#so kind of constantly diffusing what threatens to blow up out of proportion#is like. half of my job#another student asked me immediately afterwards if i liked Kanye and i said gently that i did not know Kanye's music so i couldn't tell him#but like. i'm not getting into it you know? i'm not getting into the Taylor Culture Wars or whatever. I will not fan the flames of that#with students especially. but also i do care about her she's such a real part of my heart and my outlook#that sometimes I feel compelled to speak!#and just let them know what's going on in my heart#but yeah. as with many feelings relating to Taylor i often feel bad or foolish immediately afterwards for being vulnerable#kind of no position more vulnerable than taking the side of a millionaire pop star that people love to hate on#kidding!!! but I mean it's not wholly untrue#i like to think i try to move the space of the conversation immediately into something both grounded and relevant#when I do bring her up. and hopefully away from the worst bits of the inflammatory nature of Taylor discussions.#i hope it's healing for somebody/does any good.#but i have no way of knowing#i'm just rambling. it's saturday night and i had half a very strong drink#so my mind's just mulling.
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ahaclownery · 1 year ago
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I've been sick so my brainrot produced more brainrot <3
this is so stupid
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dramarants · 1 year ago
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Wanting more homoeroticism in the tension between the show’s leads as the narrative introduces greater intimacy and higher stakes between them, especially in a landscape that lacks queer representation who isn’t a villain or dies within one or two episodes, but also recognizing that core values/motivation for these characters lie in their relationships with one of two major female characters in an on screen sausage fest where the only other woman is a morally reprehensible femme fatale and erasing and/or vilifying female leads in favor of conventionally attractive males is a common practice observed in fandoms that’s rooted in misogyny and justified under the guise of rejecting heteronormativity, thinly veiled double standards, or claiming the woman is simply not interesting enough and not wanting to bolster that mindset
#the worst of evil#you know who’s not interesting enough? haeryeon!! bibi’s acting the hell out of her and slaying while doing it#but idk anything besides she’s willing to subvert her dad for dick and values money over everything else#and also she’s hot which is great for me!! but also the male gaze#and I also get it - we don’t know much about euijeong in her limited screen time besides her relationships to junmo/kicheol#but she is given so many traits that are silently conveyed like compassion and bravery and sacrifice#she brought a fucking gun to her date with kicheol like the conflicts and motivations here are SO JUICY#her exasperation guilt and despair with the investigation; esp after listening to the voicemails#what’s the self respecting thing to do; do I still love my husband if he loses himself; can I continue a game I never wanted to play#at the cost of my life or my family’s life?#even though a lot of her choices are for her marriage she’s using whatever agency she has in her own terms#kicheol works to be an honest man and make a difference partly bc of her#not trying to place the burden of fixing men on her but ignoring her impact in the boys’ lives is wild#ship whoever you want hate whoever you want but don’t deride a woman just cuz ‘she’s in the way’ ya know#all this being said; kicheol bringing junmo home after he RAMPAGED seemingly on his behalf - literally who else is doing it like them#the yearning all around - I get it now; we need gangster mob!throuple to get any shit done around here (and for all 3 to stay alive 🫣🙏)#but the reality next week is gonna be so so bitter
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theircurse-archive4 · 2 years ago
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✨ TODAY IS THE FIVE YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF ME RPING YUMENO ! ✨ 
Granted, I didn't have anything in particular planned nor did I have like ANY time today but I wanted to thank everyone that's supported me; both new followers and old ! And then there's the really old followers that have been around for years ( the ppl that remember my og url are the real ones LOL ). Here's to having a lot more fun on this platform together ! 🎉💕
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thirdeyeblue · 9 months ago
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☝🏻☝🏻☝🏻exactly what @bronzeagepizzeria said
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Does it need saying?
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ik in season two things will only get worse but i loved the one episode (one scene being real) of amanda danny and johnny. want to see more of that dynamic. me, my lame husband that i love, and the guy that brings out the worst in him
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undlewear · 1 month ago
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okay i think it might be true that if you really deeply truly love someone that you also kinda hate them cuz u know them and they know u and its scary like …its a different kind of hate though its complicated and indescribable its like i dont hate you 99% of the time but like if i didnt love u id fuckin hate ur guts
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narcissusneverknewme · 5 months ago
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a very select portion of personalities trigger my latent tsundere traits.
In reverse of the usual order, this feels all the worse if they are fictional.
#maybe because I am accustomed to acting against impulse with real people#so perhaps I channel away from my worst urges very rapidly with people- fast enough maybe that I rarely need to confront the impulse at all#but with fiction or any kind your reaction to them falls under your own scrutiny more maybe#hmmm you know what else I kind of wonder about too though is that maybe I get this feeling towards men I like more often than women.#I am attracted to more real women than fictional ones and way more fictional men than real ones#and I don't only have the TSundere Response for people I am attracted to— I was kind of tsundere with my cat but she was worse#but I feel like out of the personalities that bring this out in me there is some trend towards male.#women I typically have this overwhelming sense of 'ANYONE would feel this way; looking at her. listening to her'#whereas if i like a guy it's usu. like 'damn I hope I'm not the only one'#so the numbers may be being impacted by multiple sources#there was a very beautiful young woman in my highschool English class that I completely avoided for this reason#you know what's funny I have a horrible softspot bitchy women I pretend not to have#i know too much and won't get involved on any level with a mean person ... but man do I feel so permissive with a beautiful bitch 😂😂#I feel so indulgent to my soul anout things women do sometimes that I would NEVER put up with from a man for a second#and I always suppress this tendency but it is so pervasive#so anyway I'm not tsundere towards women mostly I think it's cute when they are#but boy oh boy am I not in to tsundere behavior in a dude.#this is what 'if you think I'm holding a woman with big brown eyes accountable for Anything you've got another thing coming' means to me#these are only trends not absolutes. I would never hold Tantai Jin accountable for anything so 😂 it's not entirely a gendered thing for me#But the person I think of most is Regina in Once Upon A Time#I was enamored from the moment she walked in as the rigid; bitchy; single-mom 'madam mayor'#oh man but she made me feel crazy. unhinged#and so so willing to let her do anything#i didn't want her to do evil I wanted her redeemed. but I just Loved it when she was a bitch#😍🫣#regarding the tsundere thing; there is a range possible of how much someone brings this to the surface for me#sometimes it's just a little. I still resent it at nearly full price.
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plainclothesdisaster · 1 month ago
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DPxDC Mechanical Engineer Danny
Danny caught the attention of Batman while studying at Gotham University for his alternative energy projects. He’s hired right out of college to work on the Watchtower.
He shows absolutely no tell of his abilities till there’s a dire situation- Flash’s electric discharge messes with one of his projects in progress and the whole base would have lost air pressure if he hadn’t done a quick fix using telekinesis and ice.
Of course Batman notices.
Batman assumes the worst- he suspects Danny’s a rogue of some kind, someone who has infiltrated the Justice League with an ulterior motive. But he can’t just fire Danny now- he’s the only one who knows how the new Watchtower energy source works. Plus, he’s not letting Danny go anywhere until he’s figured out his true motives.
Cue Batman subtly testing Danny- tossing things at him to trigger inhuman fast reflexes, having him lift too-heavy machinery, setting up convenient opportunities to steal or snoop or otherwise be up to no good. Danny does take advantage but only once, to use a computer terminal with unlocked clearance. He didn’t plant any bugs that Barman could find, and he otherwise kept up his powerless civilian act perfectly.
Still, Batman’s not satisfied. He brings an infrasonic sound emitter to Danny’s lab one day, and that, of all things, is what gets Danny to break.
“I know what you’re doing,” Danny admits with a sigh, finally. “If you’re really that suspicious of me, I can leave, but I kinda like my job so I’d prefer not to. The benefits are insane compared to what’s standard.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Sure. yeah. How about you turn off the freaking noise generator and we can talk?”
“Hm.” Batman obliges, and he takes the stool next to Danny at his gesture.
“Number one, I’m not a meta. Despite all the data and conclusions you’ve probably drawn otherwise. Number two, I’m on your side. I’m here to work on the base, that’s it. I follow your rules to the letter.”
“The-“
“The classified files I looked at? Yeah that was the one exception. You already know what I looked at, I’m sure, but maybe you haven’t figured out why. It goes back to point one- I may not be a meta, but I am something that organization, the GIW, cares about. I looked at your files on them to sus out your relations. Seeing as I don’t particularly love being the victim to twelve degrees of human rights violations if I can avoid it.”
“Hm.” The Ghost Intelligence Ward was one of many government agencies that the Justice League hadn’t worked closely with. But they also hadn’t been flagged for Justice League investigation. Danny’s comments made him doubt that call.
“Any other questions?”
“If you’re not a meta, what are you?”
“I’m an engineer. A pretty decent one. And I’d really, really like it to stay that way.”
Batman considers, and ultimately lets him stay. He likes Danny (everyone likes Danny), and it would be a massive pain in the ass to replace him. He really is a good engineer.
It’s only much later that his faith in Danny is repaid in spades.
Batman finds Danny on the Watchtower command bridge. Alarms are blaring, the station has been knocked out of orbit, out the window there’s shrapnel floating everywhere as a space battle rages around them.
On the station it’s chaos. Technicians run around, shouts from the med bay, sparks from the walls.
Batman and Danny stand at the main controls, watching the battle outside, stoic, unmoving.
Wonder Woman’s harried voice crackles through on coms: “We need backup.”
“There is no more backup.” Batman replies, while looking pointedly at Danny.
“What?”
Batman doesn’t move.
“What.”
“The impact from Darkseid’s initial attack should have sent this station on a terminal trajectory toward the planet.”
“Well. We aren’t currently plummeting to our deaths, so turns out it didn’t do that.”
“You did something.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You’re lying.”
“Maybe Superman nudged us back on course in all the chaos.”
“I’ve been watching the trackers. No one else with the capability has come near the station.”
“Can’t you just be grateful we got lucky?”
Sounds of peril screech over the coms. Danny’s face scrunches.
“Luck had nothing to do with it. As it is now, we are going to lose this fight.”
“Isn’t there anyone else you can call?”
“I’m asking you. You can help, can’t you?”
The glare-off lasts a long moment more before Danny breaks.
“Fuck. Fuckity fuck.” Danny runs his hands through his hair. “Shit. You don’t know what you’re asking.”
“I’m asking you to save this and countless other worlds from a genocide. I’m also asking you to save my friends.”
Danny looks at him, hard, weary, and with a kind of deep resolve that feels far too ancient to be on the face of a supposed twenty-something.
“Fine. Fine. Okay.” He steps back and transforms. If Batman is surprised when he shakes off his human appearance like an old coat, he doesn’t show it. But what’s undeniable is the being in Danny’s place has the unmistakable presence of power.
“No one else can know.” His voice echoes in a way that’s sonically impossible, both sounding closer and further away than he should be.
He pulls a gear-shaped medallion seemingly out of thin air and puts it over his head in one motion.
“If I get in trouble for this, I’m blaming you.”
He vanishes. Outside, the shape of the battle changes instantly. The stars seem to glow brighter as the arms of the galaxy flash with the colors of the aurora. Then it’s like the void of space itself comes alive. It moves the spaceships back like they’re toys, plucking them from one side of the field to the other. It finds Darkseid at the heart of the chaos and massive arms of nothingness and darkness wrap around him. He’s screaming as it swallows him whole.
His armies scatter. The battle turns. The JL deal with the stragglers, but the air of relief is palpable.
Danny reappears next to Batman, once again donning his grease-stained coveralls. Arms folded.
“Happy?”
It took all of five minutes. Less, probably. Batman tamps down a thousand questions.
“Thank you.”
“I’m gonna need two weeks off minimum.” Danny snaps. “One to deal with the bureaucratic nightmare you’ve just caused me, and another to recover from the headache.”
Batman blanks. “Granted.”
Danny sighs. “And I’m not fixing the station until I’m back. It won’t fall out of the sky as is. Make up whatever excuse you want.”
“Done.” He considers. “I would prefer to tell them the truth. That you saved us.”
Danny glares. “I’m not supposed to save you. I made a pact not to use my power to influence the mortal realm.”
“A pact with who?”
Danny rolls his eyes. “The embodiment of Time. The concept of Justice. Among others.” He smirks at Batman’s confusion.
“And what, exactly, does that make you?”
He stands, framed by the space window, haloed by the stars. “I’ll give you three guesses.”
Batman frowns.
“Look. I like you guys. I like working on your base. I like supporting the work you do. But you can not go factoring me in to any of your plans or contingencies. This was a one time thing.
“So to answer your question again: I’m an engineer.”
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nezuscribe · 4 months ago
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(previous part)
it's been a week since you've spoken to arranged!gojo, and he feels like he's about to start going crazy.
you don't speak during your meals, not even when he addresses you in a question. sometimes you spare him a glance, but he'd still rather see your icy glare than see nothing at all.
and he knows he fucked up. he knows that you seeing him alone with anya was perhaps the worst possible place you could’ve caught him, but he's been almost begging you to listen to him, to hear his side. but every time he goes to explain you leave abruptly, leaving him alone, feeling the looks of pity from those around the two of you.
and you know you're being petty. after all, the two of you are only bound by words, nothing else. if anything, the two of you were just becoming friends, so this shouldn't hurt you as much as it does.
but you hear the whispers of the ladies, hear of their secret proposals of how gojo would surely bed them if they just asked. how miserable he must be trapped with you, how this marriage is ruining his life. and you know anya, know about her history with him. before you were his wife you were the higher echelon wallflower, listening to all the gossip, observing from afar.
you've gathered some ideas in your head as to why he might want to speak with you. perhaps he wants to gently break the news that he's found a mistress, one that he actually loves. or that maybe he's already had one and now you know why he's been so secretive.
so the more he tries to talk to you, the more you pull away. you don't know why he cares so much, why this even matters to him. if anything, you feel like he should be content with your silence.
but he's not, and gojo grows more restless by the hour.
he decides he can't live like this anymore. tonight he's going to make you listen to him, even if you want nothing to do with him.
you're holed up in your room, talking with alina as she dabs lavender oil on your neck before you go to sleep. you know she knows about your silence with gojo, but ever friend, she does nothing to bring it up.
well, she wouldn't have to if he didn't come knocking feverishly at your door.
you watch in your mirror as she peeks her head out, her gasp of surprise causing a sinking pit to form in your stomach. you can hear how she scrambles with the titles of my lord, how she explains that you're nearly about to go to sleep.
it's late, the only light is the flickering of the candles on your nightstand. he should be asleep by now.
gods, you wonder for the millionth time this week, why does he care so much?
alina finishes up, closing the door slightly as she turns to you, her eyes finding yours in the mirror.
"i'm sorry my lady," she bows her head almost apologetically, "but my lord wants to talk to you. he's requested me to leave...if you'll excuse me," she bows, quickly leaving, not giving you any time to actually excuse her. you know she can't stay any longer, but you do wish she put up more of a fight. you watch her skirt bustle away, the door being left slightly ajar.
you try to act nonchalant, continuing to dab the oil onto your wrists as you look down, even when you hear the door click shut, even when you can feel his presence several feet behind you.
you sigh through your nose, heat rising to your cheeks.
"what?" you bite out, your own voice shocking you. you want to get this over with, not too desperate to hear about how he's ready to take on a mistress and shun you away.
you can hear him take in a deep breath, your eyes briefly looking up in the mirror to catch his, the same ones that make your knees weak, and avert your gaze.
"you haven't spoken to me in over a week," he says after a beat of silence.
you shrug indifferently, despite the fact that he could probably ask you the specific amount of hours it's been since the two of you had talked and you'd give an accurate number.
"i've been busy," you murmur, taking your earrings off as you place them gently in the little glass bowl to the side.
he doesn't say anything about your blatant lie, just nods slowly, as if he understands.
"i missed hearing you talk," gojo tells you quietly, almost as if his voice had been stuck in his throat, and you wonder if any man before him had ever tried to sweet talk his wife before he told her about his new mistress.
you don't say anything, still refusing to look at him as you stand up from your seat, turning off one of the candles near you as you smooth out some of the wrinkles of your nightgown.
"is this what you really want to tell me gojo?" you say bluntly, looking to the side momentarily, getting a longer look at his bulky figure, how he tries to make himself seem smaller, "that you miss my stupid jokes and dull stories?"
"they're not stupid," he quickly cuts in, his voice a little stronger, brows furrowed, "and i like your stories."
you roll your eyes, moving around the bed, to the side where he's not, and fluff your pillows. you've never found this useful, but it gives you something to do with your hands other than fidgeting with them.
truth be told, you're reflecting. you're scared of what it is he has to say, and so you try to appear stronger, and less caring, despite the fact that it's tearing you apart.
you try not to feel self-conscious of the fact that this is his first time ever seeing your room, or the fact that it's so bland. you didn't come to this estate with many things, and so you've tried to spruce up the space as much as you can, but aside from the few flowers and paintings on the wall, you fear it looks bland compared to everything else he's seen.
"and no," gojo adds, running a hand through his already tousled white hair as his arms crossed over his chest, and you finally allow yourself to stare at him, "that's not all i wanted to say."
he paused for a second.
"i don't know why i followed her out, or why i even stayed to hear her speak, but she kept saying these things about..." he trails off, gnawing on his lips as your eyes narrow slightly.
"me?" you finish for him, and his eyes dart to yours.
gojo nods a little bit, arms bulging a little bit as if remembering what she had said.
"i'm used to people staring at me, i lived with it my entire life. but with you, people..." he struggles to find words, "people stare longer. and i don't know why."
you raise a brow.
"do you want me to explain?" you say and he looks at you briefly, almost in a brazen way.
he shakes his head as if he had steered off track.
"that's beside the point. what i wanted to tell you is that she...she was saying some nonsense and i was about to leave until she offered for me to stay at the hostelry she was at." his blue eyes are wavering, his finger itching to get closer to you. this stupid bed is in the middle of you two and he wishes it were gone.
your breathing hitches a little bit, and you hope he doesn't see the sad tilt on your lips.
"so i banished her. or, well, i guess you saw her and then i banished her, but i would've done it regardless," he explains hurriedly, "look, i'm sorry...really sorry. if you want me to-"
"you banished her?" you cut him off, voice raised slightly in confusion.
his mouth gapes open for a second, and then blinks slowly, nodding.
"of...course," he tilts his head, his gorgeous head, slightly "you know that i am married, right? to you? she was offering to-"
"i thought you were going to tell me that you slept with her. o-or i don't know! that you were going to make her your mistress or something!" you spew out, your voice raised as you pace around the floor, moving a little bit closer to him as his eyes widen.
"why would you ever think that?" gojo says in a panicked tone, nothing like the man who commanded the northern army, but more like somebody who was watching his world burn in front of him.
"why?" you exclaim, shocked, "why? are you daft? every single woman wants to sleep with you! every single time we host those dinners, o-or we go to those parties, they look at you and they look at me and they pity you. i hear the whispers of the ladies, how they wouldn't mind being the other woman."
gojo hears the way your voice wavers, how your lips tremble, and the way you try not to let your bottom lip quiver. he sees the way you try to stay strong, to keep your image unbridled, but right now he feels like he's watching you break and he doesn't know what to do.
"so? what makes you think i'd do anything with them?" gojo argues, his voice raised a little bit, not in shouting, but in genuine disbelief.
you take a moment to step back and observe his behavior, and a nagging voice in your head tells you that he's telling you the truth. that he's concerned and worried, that maybe all he came to tell you tonight was an apology.
but that can't be correct.
so you sigh, your arms crossed over your chest protectively.
"i...i don't know," you murmur, "you sleep in another wing, you're always away. i thought...maybe..." you can't meet his eyes, fidgeting with the ring on your finger.
gojo takes a step forward, lips parted, cheeks rosy and flushed.
the two of you don't say anything for a minute, his chest heaving up and down. you feel like there's a weight both removed and added onto your shoulder.
"why didn't you say anything?" he whispers, "did you think...did you think i was...?" he can't finish the sentence, the words themselves too gruesome.
he doesn't say anything as he takes another tentative step closer.
you watch him, your eyes mirroring one another.
"i made a vow to you," his voice is heavy, traveling across the spanning stone walls, going deep into your bones, "and even if you prefer me to be your friend, i'll keep to that vow till the day i die."
your eyes gloss over, lips trembling.
you don't say anything, taking a couple steps forward as you smash against his chest, face crumpling against the stone wall of his torso as you hug him tightly, hoping that he can't feel the tears that seep through his nightshirt.
never in your life has somebody made a promise to you. and never in your life has somebody kept to that promise.
"thank you," you murmur, your voice muffled as his arms wrap around your body, steady and strong.
"and anyways, i'd prefer to be married to you than those miserable women any day," he mumbles into your hair and you laugh wetly, squeezing your arms tighter.
"really?" you say, tears blurring your vision.
"really," he hums, not able to say anything because he fears what you'd say if he told you that he'd rather be your husband and your friend. but he'd keep that inside, respecting your wishes.
if only he knew you wished the same.
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hauntedhappenings · 9 months ago
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I'm so incredibly congested so hey guys reminder to appreciate what you have! if you can breathe through one or both of your nostrils, if when you wake up in the morning your mouth does not have the dry-numbness of being forced to mouth breathe, if you're not exhausted from coughing, if your ears are not so congested your hearing is muffled, and most of all: if you can swallow pills!!!!! liquid medicine SUCKS!!!!!
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