#being from the south is traumatizing and not in the way people think it is.

[dinoswordsb]

Downloaded tiktok again to grab something out of my favorites and I ended up scrolling for awhile, kept getting videos about Appalachian experiences. Ok awesome. Go to comments to see what people have to say, how they relate. Every comment section is filled with the most disgusting and hurtful things I've ever seen

[room-surprise]

Evidence that Kabru from Delicious in Dungeon is Indian, a Masterpost

(EDIT: This post is an excerpt/remix of Kabru's section of my larger essay about the real world linguistic and cultural references Dungeon Meshi. You can read the essay on AO3 here. I also have another post about what part of South Asia I think Utaya is based on here.)

Since Kabru’s first appearance in the anime is upon us, I wanted to write something that compiles all the evidence we have that Kabru is meant to be a person of South or Central Asian ethnicity, or at least whatever the equivalent to that is in the Dungeon Meshi world. 

Ryoko Kui can and does draw people of many different ethnicities, and the way she draws Kabru matches the way she draws other Asian characters in Dungeon Meshi. He doesn’t look Black, or Hispanic, or any other ethnicity because he isn’t supposed to. He looks like a dark-skinned South or Central Asian person, because that’s what Ryoko Kui probably intends him to be.

So let’s go through the evidence! (There are no spoilers for the plot of Dungeon Meshi below, but there ARE spoilers for Kabru's backstory as explained in the manga, and in extra materials like the Daydream Hour and Adventurer's Guide book.)

KABRU’S NAME

The Dungeon Meshi Adventurer's Bible tells us Kabru’s real name is unknown. There are other characters whose real names are only told to us in the Adventurer's Bible and were never revealed in the manga, but then Kabru, Thistle and Izutsumi’s entries simply say their real names are unknown, and though Kui could tell us their true names, she doesn’t. I assume this means that the characters themselves don’t know what their real names are, and that the names they go by are not their birth names, but this is only a supposition on my part.

KABRU THE MOUNTAIN

Kabru (काब्रु) is the name of a mountain on the border of Nepal and India, and part of the Himalayan range. It’s the 65th tallest mountain in the world and it is very snowy and icy, with frequent avalanches. Because of this, even though it’s not the tallest mountain in the world, climbing it is challenging, and is not often attempted. Those few that have managed to climb it consider it a major achievement.

“This prohibitively fearful icefall… had thwarted numerous expeditions, perhaps even the 'thought' of attempting the mountain… Unstable seracs of the icefall, a complex maze of chasms, and delicate snow bridges spanning seemingly never ending, near bottomless crevasses… Each time the members stepped into the icefall, they stood a good chance of never returning.” (Kabru - Mountain of the Gods, Major A. Abbey, Himalayan Journal 52, 1996, editor Harish Kapadia)

WHAT DOES KABRU’S NAME MEAN?

Kabru is a character that is known for being very good at charming people, but who doesn’t express himself honestly, because he’s trying to manipulate the people and situations around him in order to maintain control at all times. I think nobody really knows who Kabru is deep inside, maybe not even Kabru himself, so a remote, hostile, icy mountain that’s hard to climb seems like an extremely appropriate name. 

Some of the oldest English sources I found regarding Kabru suggest that Kabru isn’t the correct local name for the mountain (a common problem in early Himalayan exploration by Europeans) and might just be a descriptor, or that it’s a misspelling. 

This makes the name seem even more appropriate, since Kui’s told us Kabru’s true name is unknown. It’s possible that Kabru was a place-name or a descriptor that Milsiril (Kabru’s elven foster mother) was given when she picked up a traumatized 7 year old Kabru, and she just started using it as his name, and that even he doesn’t remember his real name thanks to his severe trauma.

The fact that people in the real world can’t seem to agree on the mountain Kabru’s name, or what it means, reminds me of the running gag of Laios repeatedly getting Kabru’s name wrong in the manga.

"All the people near the Kabru massif call it 'Kaboor'." (The Alpine Journal, 1921-22 Volume 34, Edited by George Yeld and J. P. Farrar)  “It is also said that the name applies to a peak close to Kinchinjunga on the southeast, and not to the peak known to Europeans as Kabru… [The real name is] Pahung Ri [Pauhunri].” (Appendix I: Place Names in Darjeeling. The appendix says it was “compiled mainly from an article written by Colonel Waddell and published in the Journal of the Asiatic Society of Bengal (Vol. LX, part I, 1891)”) “Kangchen is a Tibetan name… the Sikkhimese use it as the name for the peak called Kabru by Europeans.” (Charles Bell, Dyhrenfurth's Himalaya (Berlin, 1931)) “...Kyabru or the horn of protection. The name is… Kabur… possibly a corruption of Kangbur or the swelling of snow; it might also mean the white swelling (kar-bur).” (Appendix I: Place Names in Darjeeling.)  “Kabru literally means the 'White Avalanche' peak (Ka means 'white' and bru means 'avalanche').” (Kabru - Mountain of the Gods, Major A. Abbey, Himalayan Journal 52, 1996, editor Harish Kapadia)

I’ve seen one other mountaineering article cite the “white avalanche” meaning, and I think it’s plausible since the Appendix says it can mean “white swelling” or “swelling of snow”, which may very well be a literal translation for “white avalanche”. 

WHAT ABOUT UTAYA? IS THAT INDIAN TOO?

Utaya means “raised” or “uplifted” in Hindi, but it’s also a real village and a Japanese boy’s name.

Utaya (ウタヤ) is the name of the village that Kabru was raised in before his mother died and he was adopted by the elf Milsiril. Utaya is located in the southeast of the Western Continent. It’s worth noting that Kabru probably wasn’t born in Utaya, since his mother had to flee from her home to keep Kabru alive, so Utaya may be some distance away from his birth place… Not so far that a woman with a newborn baby couldn’t survive the trip, but far enough that her husband’s family gave up on chasing her. So Kabru was probably born in a close-by area.

In the real world, Utaya (Yakut: Утайа) is in an extremely rural and isolated area with a population of less than a hundred people. It’s located in the Sakha Republic, which is in the Northeastern part of Asia in the Russian Federation. The Yakut/Sakha are a Siberian Turkic people.  

The Turkic peoples are a collection of diverse ethnic groups of West, Central, East, and North Asia as well as parts of Europe, who speak Turkic languages. 

Early and medieval Turkic groups exhibited a wide range of both East Asian and West-Eurasian physical appearances and genetic origins, in part through long-term contact with neighboring peoples such as Iranian, Mongolic, Tocharian, Uralic/Yeniseian peoples, and others. Turkic peoples share, to varying degrees, non-linguistic characteristics like cultural traits, ancestry from a common gene pool, and historical experiences. 

JAPANESE MEANINGS FOR UTAYA

Utaya can be a Japanese boy’s name with several different meanings, depending on which kanji it’s spelled with. In most of the spellings: Poetry, sing a poem, singing, compose poetry

In many of the spellings: The place where the sun shines, it's been a long time, distant, big, to shoot with a bow, to swear, affirmation, question.

The Utaya disaster happened a long time ago.

If Utaya is up in the mountains above the clouds it’s a place where the sun shines brightly.

 Kabru has sworn to himself that he will prevent another Utaya tragedy from happening.

In only a few of the spellings: to mend, feathers, wings, a word for counting birds and rabbits, sort them out, washing with water to separate the good from the bad, roof, house with a roof, a world covered with a big sky, infinite space, song that praises the Buddha, Eight.

Counting birds and rabbits makes me think of divination and also that the people of Utaya were like little birds and rabbits (small prey animals) to the monsters that devoured them.

Separating the good and the bad could hint to the “judgment” of Utaya and the greed of its people that led to their downfall, also sorting through things to separate good and bad is something that’s done with food and other resources.

The Himalayan region is often referred to as the “roof of the world”, with a big open sky above it. 

The infinite could refer to the dimension the demon comes from, or to the sky above the mountains. 

Buddhism is a common religion in the Himalayan region, and eight has auspicious connotations in Buddhism. 

With all that in mind, Utaya as a name for Kabru’s home village is an interesting choice, and adds another layer to his origins, maybe suggesting not just North Indian/Himalayan, but Central or North Asian cultural influence as well. 

It is also possible that the name is just telling us that Utaya is “up” in the mountains, or that it was “uplifted” by the wealth of the dungeon, or even that Kabru was “raised” there… The Japanese name meanings are also extremely fascinating and hint at similar ideas, as well as the tragedy that happened to Utaya.

WHY ELSE DO YOU THINK KABRU AND UTAYA ARE HIMALAYAN?

In the real world, the Himalayan mountain range is an extremely popular tourist destination, and the amount of people who want to visit and attempt to climb the mountains far outpaces the local ability to support it. This makes me think of the dungeon of Utaya and how people overcrowded it in their desire to conquer and exploit it. 

Dungeons as an unsustainable way for locals to make a living that leads to the destruction of their homes when the dungeon inevitably collapses is a major plot point in Dungeon Meshi, so I think the parallel is likely intentional. Characters often talk about someone “conquering” the dungeon, and “conquer” is also the terminology commonly used for climbing a mountain. This terminology obviously has a hostile, imperialist subtext in the real world, since it’s most commonly used by outsiders talking about proving their strength by climbing a mountain.

Also, there are local legends in the areas surrounding Mt. Kabru that there is a valley of immortality hidden on its slopes, which reminds me of the way that the dungeons can grant conditional immortality to the people inside of them.

This image of Utaya could be showing us a village built on a mountainside. The house shapes seem a bit more Middle Eastern than Nepali/Indian, but it’s not a detailed drawing and the roof styles are a mix of flat and peaked.

CULTURE

In the Daydream Hour sketchbook, Ryoko Kui included a small comic about characters sharing desserts from their home countries. A young Kabru is shown enthusiastically trying to share an unnamed sweet, and he is interrupted by his elven foster mother, who insists he present a type of elven cake instead. We know that Kabru hates this type of cake, and he seems disappointed to have to eat it and talk about it.

The white balls in Kabru’s dessert are very likely meant to be  an Indian sweet called rasgulla (literally "syrup filled ball"). Rasgulla are a dessert popular in the eastern part of South Asia, made from ball-shaped dumplings of chhena dough, cooked in light sugar syrup. While it is near-universally agreed upon that the dessert originated in the eastern Indian subcontinent, the exact origin is disputed. Rasgulla are as culturally important to the Bengal and Odisha regions of India as Parmesan cheese is to the region of Parma in Italy.  

Rasgulla are also popular in Nepal, where they are called rasbari. 

KABRU’S PHYSICAL APPEARANCE

Kabru is one of several characters in Dungeon Meshi with clearly non-European features: he has brown skin and thick black/dark brown curly hair. He has almond-shaped eyes with long, dark lashes (fans like to joke that he’s wearing eyeliner). All of these are traits common to people from the Indian subcontinent. His blue eyes are not common for someone with his skin/hair color, but blue or green eyes are not unheard of in that region either. 

(Indian man with blue eyes)

Blue or light eyes are often a cause for discrimination, like what Kabru experienced as a child. More on this in a moment.

Kabru is 5’7” (170cm) tall, which is short for a Northern European man (180), tall for a Nepali man (162cm), but close to the average height of Indian men (177cm). He has a slender build, which is also common for Asian people in general, and South Asian men in particular.

Compared to the European-looking tall-men in Dungeon Meshi (such as Laios, Falin, Delgal, Marcille’s father), Kabru’s facial features look more like the other Asian characters, such as Toshiro and his party. 

CAN DARK-SKINNED PEOPLE HAVE BLUE EYES?

Yes. Light-colored eyes are very uncommon in parts of the world where most people have dark eyes, since dark eyes are a dominant trait in real-world human beings. That means that in order for two parents with dark eyes to have a child with light eyes, both parents need to have a recessive light-eyes gene (or for there to be an illness or genetic mutation), and that’s rare in populations that don’t have a lot of light-eyed people to begin with.   

THEN WHY DO SO MANY DARK-SKINNED CHARACTERS HAVE BLUE EYES?

Anime and manga often give characters with dark skin light colored eyes instead of allowing them to have brown or black eyes, which is much more common in real life. It’s a hurtful design trope that makes many readers feel that their natural dark eyes are somehow ugly or inferior to blue eyes.

This trope is used over and over again by authors who want their characters to look “cool” and “exotic”, and for their eyes to be high-contrast to make it easier to show their emotions.

I don’t think this is what Ryoko Kui is doing in Dungeon Meshi. 

UNREALISTIC HAIR AND EYE COLOR COMBOS IN ANIME

In a lot of anime/manga, blue eyes (regardless of skin color) don’t actually mean anything in the narrative, in the same way characters having green or pink hair doesn’t mean anything, the colors are non-diegetic, they don’t actually exist in the world, like the music that plays in the background without an on-screen source. 

It’s an artistic shorthand to make characters visually stand out, instead of giving them all black hair and eyes like most real-life Japanese people… Which is what most anime/manga characters are meant to be: Japanese people. 

Dungeon Meshi has a large cast of characters that are explicitly meant to be non-Japanese. We know this because there’s a group of characters that are Japanese, and they’re drawn differently from everyone else, they wear ethnically Japanese clothing, and have ethnically Japanese names. 

Unlike other series, where eye and hair color don’t mean anything, Dungeon Meshi has no unrealistic skin, hair, or eye color combinations. 

(Except for the elves, who seem to have different genetics than real world-humans. I’ll get into that another time.)

Ryoko Kui must be aware of the dark skin, blue-eyes design trope, because if she gave Kabru blue eyes just because she thought it looked good, surely she would have made some of the other Asian or dark-skinned characters have light eyes. Out of 9 Asian or dark-skinned tall-man characters, Kabru is the only one with blue eyes.

Kabru having light-colored eyes is central to his story, and Kui talks about it.

KABRU’S STORY AND WHY HIS BLUE EYES MATTER

Kabru’s father and his family tried to kill Kabru when he was born because he had blue eyes. Kabru’s mother ran away, and ended up raising Kabru by herself in Utaya. She didn’t try to return home to her own birth family, but instead struggled to raise a child completely on her own with no money or support, which implies she had no other options, due to the fear people of their region have for people with blue eyes.

This is a real thing that used to happen frequently in areas where most of the population has dark eyes, and it still happens to this day.

In a realistic story, this is logically what would happen to a character with dark skin born with blue eyes in a place like the Utaya region. It’s rare for manga or anime to show dark-skinned blue-eyed characters facing this. 

WHAT IS THE “EVIL EYE”?

The “evil eye” is a supernatural belief in a curse brought about by a person looking at you. The belief in the evil eye has existed since prehistory, as long as 5,000 years ago. It is estimated that around 40% of the modern world's population believes in the evil eye. This concept is most common across the Mediterranean, the Balkans, the Middle East, and Central and South Asia, areas where light-colored eyes are uncommon. 

In areas where light-colored eyes are rare, people with green eyes, and especially blue eyes, are thought to bestow the curse, intentionally or unintentionally. Just one look from a blue-eyed person is often considered enough to inflict a curse.

One of the most famous and widespread talismans against the evil eye is the nazar, a glass amulet featuring concentric circles in dark blue, white, light blue and black. It’s supposed to “bounce” the curse away from the wearer. 

HOW DOES THIS APPLY TO KABRU?

Imagine Kabru growing up in a village surrounded by people wearing and hanging talismans that look like his eyes, because the people around him think blue eyes are evil. They call his mother a witch for birthing him, and a whore because she doesn’t have a husband. Imagine parents forbidding their children from playing with or even talking to Kabru. People crossing the street to get away from him, or chasing him away by throwing rocks.

I think the reason young Kabru was able to learn how to speak some kobold is likely because he was so heavily ostracized by the other tall-men around him, the only children he could occasionally interact with in Utaya were kobolds, who might not share the same cultural superstitions that the tall-man do. 

This childhood trauma, combined with Kabru’s experience of the dungeon collapse in Utaya, and being raised by an elf that treated him more like a pet than a human being, set Kabru up as a character who has never had a home where he belongs. He has been an outsider from the instant he was born, and every place he has lived treats him as an “other.”

To his father’s family, he was a curse. To his mother, although she loved him, he was a burden. To the people of Utaya, he was a monster. To the elves, he’s a tall-man baby (no matter how old he gets) with funny looking eyes, to the people on Merini Island, he’s a foreigner from the West with elven ways and education. 

CONCLUSION

I wanted to write this because I know some people will see Kabru in the anime for the first time today and think "Oh, another dark skinned blue eyed character! This is a bad character design that is evidence that the author is racist at worst or ignorant at best.” And I don’t think that’s a fair assessment of Ryoko Kui’s work in Dungeon Meshi.

This isn’t to say that Ryoko Kui has never done anything wrong, or that her work couldn’t be more inclusive, or that there’s no way in which she could improve. 

But there are pages and pages of artwork she’s done that shows she cares about these issues, and I think it’s worth celebrating when someone makes that kind of effort with their artwork.

ANYWAY…

If you’ve read this far, you’re very strong hahaha. I hope you enjoyed this essay. I’ll be publishing more soon when I finish my Dungeon Meshi research on the names and cultures of all the characters. Wish me luck!

[notherpuppet]

I know they’re probably not going to go into this (which i understand, there’s only so much time in an episode and they’re telling a different story) but I think about Al’s background a LOT. Get ready if ur in the mood for a read.

To be a mixed Black person in America is a…bizarre experience. You come to realize that due to the coincidence of your genetic makeup, white folks may divulge information that they keep so closely guarded from the ears of “more obvious-looking” black folks. Im gonna bring it back to Alastor, but lemme give some personal context. I’m mixed with Filipino, so I’m pretty obviously not white, yet my ambiguous ethnic makeup in a predominantly white suburbia seemed to make white peers and people feel much more at ease in relaying their criticisms or prejudices of black people to me. I would hear someone feel comfy enough to spew vitriolic racist shit with me, then toe the line like a circus acrobat when around someone a few shades darker in skin tone and a few coils curlier in hair texture. It was constantly infuriating and holding my tongue was a practice to both investigate someone’s true nature and preserve my own safety. I did abandon that method of navigating life in America, and experienced the switch-up white folks made when I started ‘broadcasting’ my blackness. (E.G. beyonce pre vs. post Lemonade). The criticisms and prejudice confessions just came less often, til I saw them being caged up completely after white peers experienced backlash from me. After they realized “OH this bitch is a n*****!?”

Now this is from someone who is brown, but i also wanna talk about my white-passing cousin with a similar racial makeup as Al, who is from the south and oh BOY. (Let’s call him J for this post’s purposes). J’s navigation though simple daily life is such a constant contradictory experience, of which he is still working through in therapy. I think of one moment when he was manager at retail gig and his boss told him that whenever a Black customer enters, it’s policy to give them “exceptionally attentive customer service”. Essentially, “follow that n***** around”. This is just one modern incident of when J would hear the quiet part out loud, despite his Blackness, because his appearance was white enough to make white folks drop their guard. Eventually, my cousin and I took to the same direction where we used our advantage of disarming white folks against them when the time came. We would keep note and record of racism and unlock a sort of “this you?” when the opportunity to expose that person’s true nature came. It’s pretty vengeful thinking ngl, but it is really REALLY hard to resist exposing an asshole rather than attempting to teach an asshole to change their ways. Especially given that such an attempt is an ARDUOUS uphill battle. The experience of KNOWING the truth about what someone thinks of your people, and being opened to opportunities and information that you would not have access to if the chance of your genetics was only slightly different is bIZARRE, horrific, and fuel for constant inner turmoil. (It sucks y’all)

Now back to Alastor; to have been a mixed person in the Deep South in 1930s America—it’s not too difficult for me to imagine how traumatic and convoluted that experience must have been. Especially when legally and socially, things were so much more Black and White. And when you’re on the line in between that, when society does not prepare a place for your existence, it can be SO isolating. You may consider the absurdity of such an arbitrary method of determining class, status, and/or caste much earlier in life than peers, which only further isolates you. You hold a resentment of society now that you know exactly how the other side is operating to ensure your oppression.

And then I think of Al’s weird ass moral code. How he arrived in Hell and (according to Mimzy) began killing overlords with reckless abandon. This is someone who likely had to develop the cunning to navigate 1930s Deep South America as a mixed, murdering, psychopath without getting caught by authorities who are already gunning for you. And now he is in Hell where the rules of society have gone up in smoke and he can fully embrace his rage, resentment, and vengeance. A desire to burn down the powerful people of the world can be accommodated and ANY previous inhibitions can finally be released. The morality of rising above someone by cutting them down (instead of developing emotional/spiritual healing) has become the easier and satisfying option. Finally the opportunity to show the power-secure villains of the world how easily you can tear them down when nothing is holding you back any longer.

TLDR; The trauma of racism in America is pretty sufficient cannon fodder for a severe psychotic break, the development of socially debilitating behaviors and isolation, and a quest for profound vengeance. So maybe that can explain some of the enigma that is Alastor.

And this is just ONE facet of Al. I didn’t even get to bring up the isolation that comes with being an aroace nonbeliever in the 1930s Deep South. Like FUCK. I’m a mixed, aroace nonbeliever from a modern day conservative town and yall….what a weird experience for sure lol but anyway lemme get back to my life. Whole point of this was—-WHAT AN INTERESTING FUCKEN CHARACTER TO THINK ABOUT

[keypaa]

Astrology Observations No.6

with lovely @sc0rpi0suntaurusm00n

Saggittarius suns, moons and mercurys don't have a social filter, they say what everybody is afraid to say blunt af. Jupiter the optimist makes them confident to say what they mean, feel or think (Sun,Moon,Mercury)

If you have venus in tense aspects with neptune you need to do a reality check of your relationships now and then, because sometimes you will put the people around you on a pedestal and other times you will dislike people because they don't fit into your picture perfect fantasy anymore. Just needs some work.(Neptune is like a siren that wants to sell you a fantasy that isn't there, and when you follow her whistles she gets you. Venus energy wants to receive, get loved and share love. So combining these two energies in a tense aspect like a square or opposition gets messy)

Saturn square north node + the south node are generational breakers. Their upbringing was hard and truly intense

Scorpio mercurys don't mind sounding too direct they will ask you anything if they want to know the answer. Oh I saw that you talked about me on a tuesday girls night with ... around midnight, why did you do this...¿😆

Capricorn suns please let us know how to help you. You go through traumatic sh*t, and after all that you stay humble and act like nothing happened

Jupiter aspecting neptune in a positive way love to create art (all forms of art), it makes them genuinely happy ^^ Neptune has to do with artsy stuff, singing, imagination jupiter expends this energy

Mars in leo want to achieve something (whatever it is) The ego is also ruled by leo, so leo placements feel worthy if they achieve something for themselfes

Pure devine love is something that pisces venuses and moons are capable of giving to human 🫘 But they will also text or call you multiple times if you don't answer (Especially Pisces suns with a pisces venus)

You just want to listen to people who have scorpio mercurys, they always have something interesting to say...They know the secret spots, newest updates overall everything that is hidden honestly

Taurus moons have the ability to become real successful and are some of the warmest people if they let you in :) They like to be confortable and also give this energy out to their beloved ones

Mars in aquarius are known to behave different than the rest of their peers. Nothing that is bad, we need more people who think outside the box and follow different life tracks

If you have your moon (square,opposition) your venus list of your emotional needs and your definition of love and find a solution to combine both, if you not want to hurt the people around you regarding showing them your feelings. Due to this conflict of wanting to show love and not being able to express your feelings as you would like to this technique could possibly help you (:

Taurus venus attract love easily (best example: Ariana Grande MASTER MANIFASTOR)

Leo moons love receiving princess treatment and they know how to get it aswell ;)👑 They are LOUD with their wants and needs

Gemini moons get borderline crazy in their love reationships. One day they LOVE the other they despise you and the cycle begins again (also if you have a gemini venus)

Leo placements are either one of the most timid people you will ever meet or they

want all attention on them

Why did I meet a whole lot of taurus sun boys that struggle with finding real genuine love

Mars in sagittarius are se*ually free people. They like going after their needs and what they feel free to do

Sun (trine,conjunct,sextile) jupiter are confident at their core or they come off as such. It gives the personality an optimistic vibe

Venus in virgo are the most devoted lovers on the world, they will not forget your anniversary (and get real mad if you do), take care of you, pay attention to your dislikes & likes

If you have sun in scorpio degrees your real personality is so hidden from the public. Everybody is going to want to figure out who you are only to discover a new personality trait of yours every now and then

Virgo man get the ick real quick. Why do they hate on women without a reason, boy get that frustration out in a healthy way

Aquarius placements may feel excluded from groups a whole lot but later in their life they find their people and have a good amount of friends around them. Also people who start trends and influence a whole generation (XxxTentacion, Paris Hilton,...)

@sc0rpi0suntaurusm00n part:

Pisces moon - these are the folks who you see drawing in a corner or reading an interesting book, whether it is mixed with fire or air there will always be an ethereal Aura or a mystery to these natives 🫶

Cancer moon - shy individuals quite often. Not ones to initiate contact but definitely enjoys some attention to their needs. Cares about their mother or maternal figure quite deeply. Often times these individuals have a significant relationship with the mother which is part of who they are, single mother raised is quite common and adoption is likely as well from what I have seen. There may also be a misogynistic type in lower vibration natives from what i have seen

Capricorn moon - they may seem like the mysterious yet charismatic type but deep down there is a lot under the surface. These natives being cardinal signs, they can relax into something and then when you least expect it their passion and drive is unstoppable. You never know when they're tumultuous emotional life might break through the surface and send them blazing toward a new goal.

Taurus moon - (I am biased as a Taurus moon myself lol🫣)they may have a soft spot for comfort and stability, and typically the pinnacle of finance, care, and stability (although when mixed with sag it may be expressed quite unconventionally) Taurus moon natives are the least likely to make plans and change them due to "not feeling like it" if they are going to do it, they will. Taurus moons are always sharing their food OR they will never let you touch it - no in- between lol😭

Aquarius sun - Aquarius is very different, what I notice in common is the respect for difference. Often these signs are good with computers lol (maybe just because I have 3rd house aqua). The Aquarius man can be so caring or they can be cold, but they have a soft spot always -whether it is a quirky girl or a Quirky interest. These are often the people who want to be first to do something- the trendsetters... Although some can just be quite on top of trends-i have never seen an Aquarius who wasn't ahead of their pears in something whether fashion electronics or anything new.

Scorpio moon - one of my personal favorites💕, but I'm so biased lol(Scorpio stellium🤫) although these natives are known for having rough lives which is true, these peeps are totally down for a trauma dump sesh, or just a really good rant when you are their close friend. The female Scorpio moons are often friends with more females- might be gay even but too stubborn to act on it. There is always something interesting going on in their emotional world. Either the purest virgin or somewhere between that and a man eater... Scorpio moons do not play around, they are often no bs types whether mixed with air or fire -except for Libra placements sometimes if undeveloped.

Aries moons - omg 🤍 y'all are so passionate with your emotions, like if you are mad you can have a hard time hiding it, but yall are just made to be a ball of passion. There is nothing you do that you do not put your whole heart into, if you don't have your heart in it you won't do it. You can set boundaries a little too rough sometimes for us water signs, but it's okay because you are baddies and need that extra space for chasing passions. PLuS You are always loyal anyways so we don't mind. Aries moon has a really hard time holding a grudge against people, because y'all just want to live and let live. Amazing peoples! especially the girlies whom I have met. The lower vibrations can be super flirty and super flighty tho🫠

Pisces and Aries are actually a really great duo, despite what the horoscope things so often say - pisces and Aries are the most common duo i see i believe this is due to the fact that pisces is at the end of the zodiac and Aries is new to the cycle. Its like opposites but they are also alike which is perfect for a friendship.

Unlike me, a scorpio, since i don't often have libra best friends although libras fall into my 11th house - might be due to my lilith placement being in libra as well...😭

Virgo mercury can be so intentional with their words, and this mixed with virgo mars can make for a really sharp mind but also sharp words in an argument.

- That is part of what makes cancer (sun/moon) and virgo moon a good pair in a relationship, because cancer (sun/moon) is very emotionally intelligent and virgo moon is often good at compartmentalizing emotions and rationally dealing with emotions, and often times cancer (sun/moon) need to learn to balance emotions with reason

Moon quincunx to Mars or mars square moon aspects may cause anger issues in men, specifically cancer moon Sagittarius Mars or Aries Mars. As well as Aquarius moon with Virgo mars.

Pisces placements remind me of the most beautiful expression of emotions. The positive expression of pisces placements can be expressing deep and dark emotions through arts, music, love, and things that are beautiful expressions of feelings. Some pisces placements are old souls having to go through rough experiences in childhood, like experiencing many be lifetimes in one life, it reminds me of what I believe mMitski said best 'I was so young when I behaved 25'

April Mercury Rx in Aries!? Was I the only one or no? - there were so many fights and arguments...as well as exes coming back 🫣 like as a scorpio mercury rx it wasn't that crazy for me but my friends had their exes come back into their lives and there was even a small fight which is very mars..

_______________________________________________

If you would like you can join my spiritual family glad to have you here, and never back down never WhAaAT! Keep your hopes in life up always¡ :)

Luvv muah

555

7:25 PM

© 2024 the content is subject to the copyright and responsibility of the author

[ghostf1ux]

5 Times Jason Saved his the Flock and 1 Time they Saved Him: Your Mom (And Dad (Are Dead))

Day 6: Greatest Fear

Words: 1.8k

TW/CWs: Fear Toxin, Jumping off a building

Part 1 | Part 2 (here) | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

-------------------------------------------------------

“Has anyone seen Nightwing?”

Tim's question sends a jolt of… something through Jason's chest. He fires off another shot at an approaching hireling of Scarecrow's, then takes a moment to actually look around.

From his place on a rooftop higher than most the others around, Jason can make out a few vague blurs of color on other buildings through the smog of fear gas practically dripping off them all. Robin and Batman fight side by side, or rather, back to back, against a horde of henchmen and Scarecrow himself. Spoiler is a spot of purple in the mix of heavy green fog and debris on the streets, helping evacuate the civilians still in the area and fighting what guns-for-hire may threaten them. Red Robin is barely a dot on a rooftop a sizable ways away, standing still while he's presumably checking the computer on his wrist. Black Bat is… well, she's somewhere. Jason can't actually see her, but based on the way some goons are kinda just falling over in some places, he guesses she's fine. Even Signal is out tonight, closer to Jason as far as rooftops go, and easy to spot even with it being nighttime. A mostly yellow suit did that for you.

But no Nightwing. No signature splash of blue flipping his way through fights and comforting those who needed it. No constant stream of chirped puns or quips.

“His tracker is pinging two blocks south of your position, Hood,” Oracle mentions. Jason sighs.

“I'll go check on Goldie, I'm finished with these guys anyways.” He kicks the foot of one of the goons he had knocked out for emphasis, despite the fact that he's the only one who can see it. Whatever, that's what's important anyways.

Within moments he's leaping off the building and soaring through the air, using his grapple to facilitate the airborne movement. He finds a smile pulling at his lips despite the potential situation, and the actual one. He would never get over the freedom of feeling like he's flying when he's traversing the city like this.

That smile falls when he hears a choked sound and sees a cloud of that thick, green gas gathered around a hunched black and blue form on the next building. Jason eases to a stop near the ledge in front of him, making sure his landing is able to be heard.

He falters when he registers the choked sound as Dick sobbing, practically tearing out his own hair with how hard he's pulling it. He doesn't have his rebreather on.

“Did you find him?” Tim asks impatiently.

“Yeah, I found him alright,” Jason responds quietly as not to startle the clearly high-on-fear-toxin Dick. 

“Do you need help?” Yes, he most certainly did because what the fuck is he supposed to do in this situation?

“I've got it, baby bird,” Jason replies tersely instead. Why? Who fucking knows. His inability to let people think he can't handle whatever is thrown his way despite the fact that he definitely doesn't know how to handle this? His internalized self-loathing that didn't allow him to just accept even an ounce of familial affection and love on a bad day? His ego?

Probably that last one. He doesn't see what the other two might have to do with it.

Jason switches off his comm so he can focus, setting his helmet off to the side before raising his hands placatingly as he approaches Dick much like he would a traumatized child tucked into a dank alleyway in Crime Alley.

“Hey, dickiebird,” Jason starts softly, tapping into his Robin days. Dick's tear-streaked face snaps up at the words, entire body tensing and shaking as he recoils back. He's ready to bolt.

“Easy, I'm just trying to help you out, yeah?” He telegraphs his careful movements as he steps closer. “I need you to try to breathe, Goldie. In four, hold four, out four. You know the drill.”

Dick shakes his head, fingers twitching with the need to– what, reach out? Whatever Dick was seeing, it had nearly made him frozen.

“No, no no no no please not again– leave- leave him alone–” Dick's words come out as a hushed plea, his hands clenching. “J- Jay please- please I- I can't lose you- not again, please not again–”

Again, Jason falters, because what the fuck is he supposed to say to that? His brother is hallucinating his death, and he's just standing there. 

Fuck Jason is bad at this. He should've taken Tim's offer. He should've done a lot of things.

Focus, fuck, okay. What would Dick do in this situation?

Does that question even apply since the situation is about Dick?

“I'm right here, Goldie. Not dead, pinkie promise.” Jason tried for a soft smile, but it probably came out more strained and uncomfortable than he was intending. What can he say, he's not used to doing this without his helmet on.

“No, no, you died and I wasn't there, I wasn't here, I wasn't- I couldn't- I–”

Dick breaks off into hysterical sobbing, curling up impossibly tighter into the little ball he seemed to be so comfortable in. Jason hovers just a few feet away– too close for him to be at all comfortable with this situation (let's be real, within city limits was far too close) and too far to do anything about it.

The fear toxin antidotes he keeps on hand sit heavy in his utility belt. He withdraws one and carefully starts approaching Dick again.

“Listen, you just got tagged with some fear gas, yeah? Nothing you're seeing is real. I'm right here, the family's all here, alive and well–” Well that's an overstatement but besides the point– “–I just need to give you the antidote.”

Dick looks up at that, seeming to finally register Jason's very alive presence before him. He's still hyperventilating, and tears are streaming down his face, but he's somewhat more present.

He thinks.

“But- I- No, you–”

“I'm right here,” Jason assures him. He's only a foot out of reach now.

Unfortunately, it seems Jason was a little optimistic about the whole ‘being present’ thing. 

This is shown when Dick flinches and his attention snaps to something behind him, like he hears something. Or sees it. Most likely watching the beginning of one of the many scenes that plague his nightmares. Jason opens his mouth to speak before Dick beats him to it.

“I can't- I can't watch it again, Jay- not again, please- I can- I can help them–”

“They're already gone, you can't save them, it's just a hallucination,” Jason cuts in softly. Fervently, Dick shakes his head.

“No, no, I can save them this time, they don't have to die, not again, not this time.”

And then Dick is scrambling away, away from Jason, away from safety, directly towards the edge of the roof–

“Dick don't–!”

He's reaching for Dick, lurching forward to stop him, but he's too slow and Dick is too far and he's hit the edge of the roof and he's reaching over like someone is falling and he's not close enough so he keeps going and his heart is racing and the blood is roaring in his ears and he's falling falling falling–

Without a thought Jason is diving over the ledge after his brother, arms outstretched, embracing his brother as he tackles him in mid air. Dick is clawing at Jason's leather-clad arms, trying to get away, but Jason can't help but realize they're still barreling towards the ground and that really doesn't sound like a good time so he tightens his grip and pulls out his grapple and shoots at the nearest point he can rely on for a good anchor spot.

A shriek is wrenched from his throat when the cable suddenly goes taut and both his and Dick's weights are wrenched to a violent and instant stop, practically tearing his shoulder out of the socket with the force.

“Why- why did you stop me- I could've saved- I could've saved them–!” Dick screams, uncaring of who hears them. He's still scrambling frantically in Jason's iron hold, intent on finishing his impromptu flight. Jason has half a mind to let him with every jostle that sends stabs up pain through his shoulder and down his spine. Unfortunately, he happens to like the chirpy, annoying big bird a little too much for that.

“They're not real, they're already dead!” Jason snaps back, only feeling mildly guilty about the flinch he receives for his poor delivery. “Just stop fucking moving, for fucks sake– where's your fucking comm–”

Through Dick's flailing Jason manages to lock his legs around the man's waist, hopefully keeping the man in place before he remembers the inhuman ways he can bend and twist his body in to get out.

Using one hand to get the comm unit out of Dick's ear is a hassle and a half and takes him biting his lip so hard it bleeds to accomplish, but he does manage it. As soon as he puts it in his ear he's nearly deafened by the cacophony of voices he can't even make out.

“Jay please, please let me- let me go, I need to–”

“Dick we are at least six stories off the ground I am not letting you go to chase the ghosts of you past that you can't save anymore!” Jason nearly shouts, rifling around in his belt for another antidote.

“Why the hell are you six stories off the ground?!”

“Is N okay?”

“Sounds like he was tagged.”

“Hood, report.”

The last voice is so painfully Batman it makes Jason flashback to his Robin days.

“Dickwing got fear gassed, jumped off a roof before I could administer the antidote. I caught him, dislocated my shoulder in the process, and can't get us down,” he lists out automatically, grinning when he finally finds the syringe. “Fucking finally. Goldie stop screaming I need to stab you.”

On second thought, that probably wasn't the best way to say that, and that notion is backed up by Dick's renewed efforts to get away from him, but no one ever accused him of being good at emotions.

“Language.”

“Hood, dear god please say that in a better way next time.”

“Nah, I think it was perfect.”

“Is this normal comms for you all?”

“Yes,” Everyone on the comm responds in unison, including Alfred and even Dick through his sobbing, which quiets down once Jason finally gets a dose of the antidote in him. He uses his free hand to support his brother's head, not wanting him to have a fucked neck on top of the wicked hangover their antidote gives.

“I'm almost finished up here, Hood, then I can come swing by,” Stephanie finally says once everyone is done with their laughing. Jason lets out a sharp breath, inhales, holds it, then exhales again.

“Yeah, sounds good, awesome. I'll just be. Yknow. Hangin’ out,” Jason responds flatly. “Not like I have a dislocated shoulder I'm hanging from or anything, nope.”

“You have gone through far worse before,” Damian tuts. Jason rolls his eyes.

“That's not the point, demon brat. Focus on your damn fight. And Spoiler, grab my helmet off the roof whenever you get here.”

“You got it.”

[starfilmz]

can’t stop thinking about a scenario where instead of sam getting trapped in hell for a year as a vessel, but dean instead, who made sam promise him to finally live his normal, apple pie life if things goes down south.

unlike dean, sam didn’t have people like lisa and ben to come home to, to feel normal again.

but then came you.

actually, you’ve been in sam’s life for as long as he could remember. you’re a friend he met in stanford— the information technology student who happened to go to the same psychology class as he did.

the night after it all happened, sam arrived at your door after researching your whereabouts with bobby. it’s probably the middle of the night, but he knew you’d still be awake if you still kept your old habit. but what doesn’t know if you’ll let him in after years of no calls or text.

you were his last option on keeping his promise to dean, so when you opened the door and welcomed him into your home with opens arms, he felt like he’ll be alright. even if it was just for a moment.

“hey,” sam greeted you with a lopsided smile, a mixture of pretend and his nerves getting to him seeing you for the first in the a while. “it’s been a while...” his voice faded when you’re eyes visibly widen. looks like you remembered him.

“oh my god, sam winchester?” the sound of his real name coming from someone who wasn’t after him or was a hunter felt strange, but humanizing in a strange way.

sam stumbled on his feet as you practically lunged into his chest, feeling your arms wrap around his neck. the hug surprised sam, his arms stuttering before deciding to reciprocate.

you were laughing, not at him, but from the excitement you were visibly showing him. “it’s been more than a while! it’s so good to see you, sammy.”

sam hated anyone calling him with the nickname given by his brother, but for some reason, he didn’t seem to mind. you reminded him of dean, specifically the non-traumatized part, that unwavering endearment he didn’t know if he deserved matched the both of you.

sam blinked, ignoring how the grin on your face looked like dean’s, and he didn’t have the willpower to make further small talk.

“can i come in?” he said, scratching the back of his neck. he felt awful for being rude, especially to an old friend he hasn’t seen a while, but you still kept a bright expression as you gestured him inside.

that’s where his new life started. with you and the promise he’s keeping in his mind.

sam vaguely explained his situation, keeping the angels, demons, and apocalypse talk to himself and just said how his father and brother was gone. he had no one else, so he found you.

sure, you were skeptical at in the beginning, but you had a soft spot for this man ever since you first laid eyes on him. when you saw sam in front of your door that night, you could only remember the teenage boy who kept to himself for the rest of the class, refusing to raise his hands when it was obvious he knew the answers, and who struggled to look for a project partner.

that’s when you stepped up, first came to his world.

so, you allowed him to live with you. your apartment was big enough for two, one bedroom and an empty guest room you’ve been using a storage space. but sam kept it clear he’ll be paying for everything he’s going to use.

when sam wanted to go job hunting, you were the one beside him searching along. when he did get a job, for the first time in a while, sam was able to go home to a house that had freshly cooked food filling the air.

you were willing to teach him how to cook some of the meals you’ve prepared in most dinners you two shared when he asked. you worked too, some days longer than the rest, and he wanted to make dinner for you. when the opportunity came, a few bites in, and you had to reopen the stove when sam realized salt and pepper wasn’t the only condiments he could use.

sam used to refuse to drive your car to work, or literally anywhere. at this point, you knew sam’s life story (vaguely, unfortunately, as some details were still hidden for your sake) and couldn’t blame him for it. sam couldn’t step inside your car without reminiscing dean and his constant urge to free him from hell.

one of the many things he felt bad doing was going out in the middle of the night and lying about where he’s going. sam told you he liked to go on a walk during the night, or he forgot to buy something that he needed by tomorrow, and you believed him. in truth, he was at bobby’s finding a way to save his brother, reading scriptures after scriptures and digging ancient artifacts he never even knew existed.

sam usually arrived early in the morning, just right after you went back to bed. as a way to lessen his guilt, he’d cook a light breakfast for the two of you and eat with you as he once again lies about just waking up.

he thought he could keep up with his lies that just got worse by the day, until one night of research with bobby got into his head. there was no spell, ritual, or artifact that has worked and it got to him. before he could realize he’s back home, your house, sam opened the door to you in the living room.

you were in your usual position on the couch, computer on your lap and a half drunken coffee on the table. sam was obviously disheveled, hair a mess and clothes wrinkled in spots he balled his fist into.

“sam, hey, are you alright?” as if a dam cracked in sam’s head, he suddenly poured his heart to you. he was telling you everything. from his mom, to his curse, his real former job, dean’s real cause of death, and how everything is his fault.

that night you’re beliefs had changed—whether it was for better or worse— and sam clung to you, desperate and frustrated in himself, at lucifer, bobby, dean, even you, and he doesn’t know what to do anymore. so, instead of questioning him like any sane person would do in these types of situations, you decided to believe him again.

again and again, you brushed off your own worries and allowed sam’s tears to stain your shirt.

work be damned, you’re not letting this boy cry himself to sleep alone.

the next day, sam was still pretty beat up from last night’s event and while you did try to make it seem like it wasn’t a big deal, he hated it. instead of going to your respective jobs, you and sam both sat in the living room and talked. sam began talking about, well, the beginning. and after that grueling yet relieving conversation, sam decided to never lie to you again.

and after a year, you were the only person in his life that made him normal. sure, there were some demon prevention marks all over the house, and hex bags that covered both yours and his tracks, you and sam lived a normal life.

that was until a very much alive dean knocked on your door.

[deadlittledogs]

I present to you my humble accounts for today:

I emerged from my coffin around 11pm, my head pulsating from the prior days dehydration. I stayed up until 3am playing an erotic video game and doing the worm on my carpet to get rug burns for fun and I went the whole day without drinking water I guess. In my dream I was lost in a downtown area and old people were poking me with sticks and giving me money. I used the money to take a plane and was excited at seeing snowy mountain peaks down below.

For breakfast I had waffles and sausage and my parasitic twin brother and I yelled at each other the whole time we were cooking and threatening to void the other sibling of their respective nutrients. After we were both fat and happy (and therefore no longer angry) we crawled into our vestigial yolk sac's and watched 3 hours of South Park together.

We decided to go outside because I was constipated and drove aimlessly in a random direction. Going through farmland, we were occasionally hit with the pungent, putrid stench of rotting cow shit. My brother kept hitting his 'orange creamsicle' geek bar in the passenger seat beside me so the whole car smelt like milk and manure.

“Next year I need to get more 'Yaoi',” he tells me. “Will you shave my feet so I look less like a guido?”

I nod in agreement. I’m prepared to make that mental sacrifice and I am an excellent sibling-type creature after all. 2025 is the year of yaoi and we’re both going to become more and more moe until we explode everybody with our telepathic mind powers.

We arrive at the mountains and go through winding roads dusted with debris from the wind. I feel sick, because sometimes when I go places it can feel like I’ve been there before but 'not really'. This area of Washington is completely new but the way the earth looks and the way the heavy gales shove at my boxy car feels both familiar and unfamiliar all at once. It feels like an odd dream I'm just only beginning to remember, but I am in control so I don’t mention it. I drive us deeper into it's unknown girth.

We find a spot called ‘Silver Lake’.

Exiting the car, the wind rustles at my clothing and my hair whips around my face; nothing on me going untouched as I'm misted by a thin curtain of rain. All my nerves tingle at the full body touch; it feels like I’m being molested but in a good way.

We run and splash in the puddles. “I’m 30 years old” I say, and I chase a goose for fun. The lake is deep and green and you can see thick stalks of algae and pondweed below. It's tempting to swim in it but my body is already in a chill, steady on it's way to becoming soaked. We find an unoccupied rental cabin and curiously, I find the door already open. I push it just a smidge with my finger, eager to see the inside of it, and quickly spot a man lurking in the darkness barely illuminated by the shine of his phone. I leave, quickly, unsure if I was noticed but embarrassed nonetheless that it seemed like I was trying to break rules (and was almost caught).

We run in the mud for a bit longer but the rain is really coming down now, so we leave, and we drive all the way back home with our hair curling at the tips.

I make a bowl of canned lentil soup after arriving to help with my regularity, and my brother puts on the episode of South Park where everyone barfs for 20 minutes. It’s not the best combo for this kind of soup.

Almost instantly I get the devil in me and I write this as I warm up my feet from the cold bathroom floor. A cleansing was due after all, so I’m not too traumatized. One day I think my future captive will be extremely pleased with how often I need to lock myself in the bathroom for 3 straight hours to do unspeakable things to the poor, honest toilet-chan.

Overall, it was an okay day, and tomorrow I will shed myself of my pus and shit and skin and walk naked through the city, hell at my fingertips and the holy spirit leaking from the engorged blood vessels in my eyes. Don’t even get me started on my awesome bush.

I hope this entry finds you well.

Your's truly,

Bear-kun.

[whatsaudreythinkingabout]

yellowfang thoughts

the more i think about it, the more i realize how much of a deeply, deeply tragic character yellowfang is. everyone talks about how much she fucking sucks after she becomes a starclan cat, and they’re absolutely correct; she goes from the cool grouchy grandma to a complete fucking hypocrite. and for the longest time i thought this was completely OOC for her, but it recently hit me over the head that it might not be. to say that this change in character was intentional would be giving the erins WAY too much credit knowing who they are, but the more you think about her life and what she went through, the more it makes sense in a twisted sort of way.

starclan forced her into a life she never wanted. she wants to train as a warrior, but she is cursed with the power to feel other cats’ physical pain and badgered into becoming a medicine cat by sagewhisker until she gives in. she falls in love with raggedstar, but as as soon as things go south for her he offers no support. when she dares to go against the destiny that was laid out for her, when she continues to meet with him and becomes pregnant by him, starclan punishes her; not just by having two of her kits die, but by condemning the surviving kit to become a tyrant and a child murderer. he turns against his parents; he kills his father and frames his mother for his own crimes not knowing who she truly is, and yellowfang is forced to watch this all unfold from a distance, unable to tell her son the truth and wondering how things could be different if he knew. and finally, for the good of the clans, she has no other choice but to rip out his eyes and then poison him. her own son, the kit she herself bore, dead at her own claws. a cruel twist of fate for a cat who never wanted any of this, who just wanted her own life.

so by the time she gets to starclan, her experiences have changed her. so many innocent lives were lost and the clans were nearly destroyed because she disobeyed, because she went against their will. she even forgives sagewhisker for being so shitty to her because now she’s convinced that she was the one in the wrong and her mentor, a messenger for starclan, was acting in her best interests all along. she’s become so thoroughly traumatized by everything she went through that she decides she cannot let another cat experience what she experienced. now that she’s a part of starclan, she has the power to prevent something like this from ever happening again. but that’s just the thing. she’s a part of starclan. she’s a part of the system now; the very same system that screwed her over. and the system chews people up and spits them out until they become just another cog in the machine. so instead of going to the root of the problem and questioning the level of influence starclan has over living cats, she not only perpetuates the cycle but becomes an active participant in it.

and because firestar is the son she should have had, she sets her sights on his descendants.

she cannot prevent leafpool from bearing kits, as these kits have their own destiny they must fulfill. so she tells leafpool she must give up her kits, just as she had to. she lies to squirrelflight that she will never have kits of her own and that the three are her only chance to be a mother so that she will take them in. when they arrive in starclan moons later, she and others have the audacity to judge whether they are worthy to join their ranks or should be damned to the dark forest for their actions when they not only did exactly what they were told to do, but did the same things that she did and still went to starclan for (though to give her some credit, she is at least more sympathetic than the other judges and even defends them; perhaps out of guilt?). she allows ashfur into starclan on the basis that he “loved too much,” because her relationship with raggedstar warped her view of what healthy love should look like. she forces the kin of firestar’s kin—namely, jayfeather and dovewing—into destinies they want no part of; they’ll learn to love it, just like she did.

and she thinks she’s doing the right thing. she’s learned the hard way that going against starclan will only lead to more suffering. she’s convinced that she’s helping them, that by acting this way she will be able to prevent them from making the same mistakes that she made. but she cannot see that she is only inflicting on other cats the exact same suffering that starclan inflicted on her.

and if that isn’t tragic, i don’t know what is

[bat-besties]

People often say Cass’ reason for identifying as nonbinary is “not understanding gender” and while it’s often a joke, I do think it’s the complete opposite to Cass’ knowledge. (I’m using she/her for canon, this applies however and whichever way you headcanon Cass’ gender identity)

I feel it’s often coming from a place of her not understanding language, but gender is so much more than language. A lot of sociologists and gender theorists would kill for the ability to perfectly understand body language and then travel across (at least) China, Vietnam, and the US observing people in urban and rural environments, in both peaceful and violent situations. 

 In many ways, her lack of preconceptions about gender or need for language to shape her observances would make her more able to see the reality of gender performance rather than ideals. The idea that women are weak or men are unemotional would be foreign to her. 

As a child she’s isolated, but she still trains with the League of Assassins briefly. Unfortunately, the first time she is heavily gendered is as a disguise and a weapon in the most traumatic event in her lift, which undeniably shapes her attitude to femininity as this post covers. 

But as she runs, her world suddenly expands to, well, the entire world. 

Her gender identity may have come to words and self-expression in America, but the first place she would be able to really observe people is in south China, likely passing through Guangdong and Guangxi over the course of a year or two. That’s a really formative period, and as I personally think Lady Shiva is from south China (specifically Yunnan), is also unintentionally Cass connecting with her heritage. 

She’s a homeless and very traumatised nine year old, so obviously her experience would have been overall awful. However, a teenage Cass still strongly believes in the sanctity of life and the capacity for goodness in people, and I have to think that while she’s seen a lot of darkness, she’s seen a lot of goodness too. Cass isn’t always curious about things she doesn’t understand (as with her reading), but she has to have been observant to keep travelling and keep escaping from Cain. 

She will have seen the wealthy gamblers of Macau, the street vendors of small-town Vietnam, the pickpockets of Gotham. She will have seen different gender norms across cultures, even if she doesn’t know how each language reflects those norms. She would have to adjust to each new place, and refine her body language reading more generally (like how Americans smile way too much), including gendered readings. 

Cass will have seen a million couples, straight and gay. Pairs of women afraid to hold hands but projecting their nervousness on the first date like a signal. Unhappy marriages hidden by false smiles for the neighbours. Elderly couples where the man still walks on the road side of the pavement.

Considering herself an orphan, she will have seen mothers nursing their babies, fathers pushing their daughters on swingsets, sisters yelling at each other one moment and laughing the next. 

Watching unobserved, she would see all kinds of women in the city. Groups of women going from club to club in high heels, schoolgirls copying each other’s homework on the train, business women in neat makeup and a purposeful walk.  

She will have met other homeless girls like herself. Despite being unable to speak with them she might recognise the guarded set to their eyes, the way they are always poised to run - but they might have a smile for her, and a willingness to share a sheltered spot. They might have cut her hair spiky and short, or taught her to play cat’s cradle.  

Unfortunately, she will have seen predatory behaviour, men who leer or talk with deceptively friendly tones to a little girl alone. (I know she’s meant to “discover” men being attracted to her in the comics as a teen but that’s optimistic). When those men approach other girls, she doesn’t hesitate to protect them. 

But she would have seen so much joy too - boys playing football and grown men joining in, old men sitting on plastic chairs and observing the street together, gangly teen boys play-fighting.

On the streets, clustered and sometimes hidden, she would have seen people whose clothing and body language doesn’t match their bodies. Before Cass knows the words transgender and drag and gender nonconforming, she knows that these people are at risk for being different - at risk like she might be, if she couldn’t convince herself she only needs her fighting skills to protect herself. She wouldn’t need words to take each person as they look to her, to have an amorphous and wordless idea of performativity. 

And then of course, she has Barbara, and Batgirl, and finally language. 

So, I think Cass’ gender identity is something she discovers with the background of this huge tapestry of humanity she’s observed over the years. And if she goes “fuck that it makes no sense”, that’s a deeply informed, nuanced Fuck That. 

[birdiescanfly]

Jake Seresin: Self-Esteem

I've been thinking about Hangman lately, and I can't get the thought of him as being a bit insecure and traumatized by his childhood out of my head. So obviously I need to flesh it out more, but I’m thinking Jake grew up poor. In my experience, this can lead to a very disorderly life which is why he likes to keep things so perfect and clean (His styled hair, his crisp uniform). Being dirty all the time as a kid, living in a dirty place, or even just not having nice clothes is something that like really effects Jake and that’s why he tries so hard to present himself in a certain way. Not only that, but growing up being called trashy and dumb kind gives you a complex so I think Jake would likely push for a different view of himself, even if its asshole perfectionist. Thus the creation of ‘Hangman.’ People see him as uppity and/or finicky, a clean freak, and a loner who only thinks of himself but like, it all comes from a desire to NOT feel like he did as a child. To prove himself.

I imagine him growing up Deep South, Bible belt all the way. A trailer park kind of life. I think that the reason he leans so far away from his old life is because he got a lot of backlash during his academy days maybe?  His commanding officers and peers probably had preconceived notions about him, especially if his parents were laborers with no higher education. (Neither of my parents graduated high school, and you wouldn’t believe how many professors I’ve had that find out I’m a first generation college student, and immediately treat my like an idiot.) I think, for Jake, it would be made even worse if he had a really thick accent. Maybe Jake even tries to hide some of natural drawl and slang. I often see him proud of his accent in stories, but I bet that during those first academy years, he just wanted to fit in. He wanted to prove that he belonged with people outside of the hicks he grew up around. (Up for interpretation, maybe he adored his family but he leans away from them to distance himself from that life cause he doesn’t feel like he fits in anymore, or maybe his parents were shit stains, up to you), but nonetheless, there is a divide between Jake and them now. It’s a very much “you chose them” mentality. Makes him feel in between worlds and that he’s always trying to prove that he belongs to his two spheres of life.

So yeah, Jake hides his accent because people think he’s dumb when he uses southern phrases or slides words together. So Jake hates dirt and disorganization, and he cleans and clean and cleans, he takes two showers a day and maybe even still feels a little filthy.  Maybe he still feels like he’s not smart enough, or good enough. And yeah, Jake grew up trailer trash, he’s got to prove himself a little more, he’s got to push a little harder than everyone else.  He’s got to be number one, or he’s nothing, right?  But he’s got Hangman for that.  Hangman can be number one, he can be the perfect pilot and he can be clean, and he can prove that he’s worth more than anyone ever thought.

I am in fact projecting, but what are comfort characters for, right? And also, I just love reading about everyone’s theories about why Jake is such a loner who leaves people behind, and I adore even more the stories that dive into Jake’s self-esteem issues and childhood.

I’ve got more to this idea, (Hangster all the way), but this is too long as it is so I’ll just make another post.

[beifong-brainrot]

consider: those nwt twins mom (malina?) would basically be a cult member for unalaq turned wife, and thats the background for the twins being born

Honestly I can see that. It would explain Eska's odd relationship expectations from Bolin if she grew up with that type of power imbalance being normalised to her from a young age. Plus Unalaq totally gives off cult leader vibes let's be honest.

But personally, when I think about the twins homelife, I tend to imagine them as the result of an arranged marriage. I can see Malina as the daughter of some noble or other important figure and Unalaq wedding her, to strengthen his position (since I think there would still be many people loyal to Tonraq even after his banishment), or for some other way to benefit himself.

I can see Unalaq and Malina having a more business like relationship? There's no love between them but they work together while ruling the North. I can certainly see Malina as a bit of a scheemer, who is very well in tune with politics and is a skilled politician.

I think that due to being a woman, Malina probably would be facing a fair share of sexism in the North. I think that while Katara absolutely helped move women forward in the North, unscrewing presumed centuries of misogyny isn't gonna happen in 80 years.

So scheeming and marrying well are the only ways Malina could really get ahead in life.

Maybe she even hooked her hubby up with that corrupt judge who knows. And I can even imagine her being in correspondence with Raiko during the whole North occupying the South thing.

She knows that Unalaq is only after that Vaatussy and she's ok with that. They only ever did it once in order to sire the required heir.

That's it I'm slutshaming this middle aged evil religious twink. You're not allowed to make that facial expression at people you aren't legally wedded to you freak youre scaring the hoes. Rip Vaatu imagine being stuck in a tree and your only hope of escaping is this underfucked zealot who has probably been stuck in a lavender marriage for the last 20 years or so and he want to "fuse with you" like ok bro

I'm not sure how this would affect Malina's relationship with the twins. She could still be a caring mother, but I can also imagine her just seeing them as a means to an end. She is aware that as a woman in a rather misogynistic society, her role first and foremost is to bear children, and I just don't know if having children out of a sense of obligation us the best reason to have them.

Which may explaun why Eska and Desna are... like that.

Because growing up with a weird cult leader who cares more about your cousin than you on one side, and a woman who had you only to keep her relavancy in the eyes of the patriarchy on the other probably isn't good for your mental health or social skills.

Unalaq and Malina's transactional relationship could further enforce how Eska and Desna equate affection with being "useful". One of the first things Eska does when daring Bolin is demand prizes from him, and one of the only nice things she does for him while they're dating is offer to protect him from the Dark Spirits.

I imagine that Malina still maintains a certain level of control over the North after Unalaq's death. Hell, she might have even more control, since the twins are socially and emotionally stunted teenagers who just went through the incredibly traumatic experience of their dad becoming a hentai grade tentacle monster. Of course they'd rely on their mother. Even if it probably would be in their own... special little way.

Like if my dad did this and then promptly died with no explanation of his thought process I think it would haunt me forever

Like I know the "Desna sleeps in the tub" thing was a joke but it struck a chord in me because I personally would often lay in the empty bathtub to ward off panic attacks back whek I would have them frequently

Plus, Eska and Desna don't seem to excited about ruling a country which is understandable since they are like teenagers with no ability to process their emotions.

And that makes them somehow not knowing about the secret, super important jail P'li was in that was apparently on their lands make more sense. If Malina were the person managing corespondence/relations with the White Lotus in their stead, their lack of knowledge would make sense.

Their girlboss mom is using them as fighureheads yipee.

Also, seeing Korra's name and portrait with thw cool glowy effect next to Eska and Desna is just like:

Unalaq vision probably

[qqueenofhades]

May I ask for new year’s eve Dreamling watching the ball drop because Hob celebrates every year, Morpheus isn’t the sort of person who cares at all, but Hob forces him to celebrate and wear the dumb paper glasses and stuff anyway

"Hob," Dream says, not for the first time, in a deeply pained tone. "I simply do not see why this rigmarole is necessary."

"It's necessary because I say it's necessary, you joyless git." Hob dulls the sting by leaning over to plant a kiss on Dream's cheek, adjust the 2024 cardboard glitter crown from Tesco that is perched atop the dread dark head of the immortal King of Dreams and Nightmares, and throw an arm over his shoulders -- all of which Dream suffers with the tense, bristled wariness of a cat suddenly subjected to excessive snuggling. "Plus, there's going to be a general election this year -- fucking finally -- and the Tories are going to get thrown out on their kleptocratic arses. Good as any reason to celebrate, if you ask me."

Morpheus mutters something under his breath that Hob can't understand but doesn't sound particularly complimentary, but for once in his eternal-ageless-stubborn-bastard life, decides not to press the point. He's already been horribly traumatized by enduring the New Year's Eve party and being forced to socialize with Hob's friends from around London and the South East and colleagues from Goldsmiths and all the other strays he's picked up over the years (indeed, very much like Dream himself). All right, socialize might be a stretch. More like lurking ominously with a single glass of prosecco and giving the other guests a fright when they come round the corner too fast, but at least he hasn't run screaming into the night or huffily evaporated into the Dreaming never to return, so Hob is going to optimistically count that as a success. Besides, it is tacitly agreed between the two of them that Hob's love language is cheerily bullying Morpheus into taking part in normal human courtship activities and Morpheus's concession is to act like this is the worst thing to ever happen to him in literally eighty billion years, but still grudgingly put up with it. Baby steps, Hob thinks, taking a swig of his own bubbly and looking back at the television. Baby steps.

It's already the New Year in Oz and the rest of Down Under, and five hours off yet in New York, where they're still greasing up the ball drop in Times Square, but it's just about time in London, the fireworks over the Thames are all set to go, and Hob and the ten other people in his flat (hardly an excessive number, not that you'd know it from Morpheus's face) lean forward in eagerness. The bloke on the BBC leads a countdown, it rolls over to 00:00:01 GMT, 1 January 2024, and everyone lets out a boozy cheer, raising glasses to salute each other and making more please-God-help-us jokes about the Tories. Hob, meanwhile, turns to Morpheus, who gazes expectantly back at him with those luminous, star-flecked eyes, and leans in to kiss him -- quickly, chastely, nothing to make the silly goose come over in his melodramatic conniptions all over again. "Happy new year, darling."

Dream huffs, but he does look slightly pleased. (It's a subtle art, reading his expressions, and to the untutored looks no different from "mildly constipated," but Hob still knows his Stranger well.) "Happy new year, Hob Gadling," he allows, after a long moment. "I still do not understand why you feel it necessary to celebrate all this. Have you not seen so many that it is no longer special?"

"See, that's exactly why." Hob should get up and refill the pigs-in-blankets tray, as there is evidently nothing that British academics love more and it has been descended on like starving vultures, but he doesn't feel like it, not yet. He grins at Morpheus instead, lowering his voice, not that there's much risk of anyone overhearing. "A bloke born all the way back in God's Year 1356, and I'm still here, ringing in the fucking year 2024? That's a bloody miracle, you ask me. And with you, no less? What else would I want in the whole world?"

Dream's expression melts a little, despite himself. A faint pink flush climbs into his elegant ice-sculpted cheeks, and he huffs. "You are quite the flatterer, Robert Gadling."

"Eh." Hob takes a more comfortable position, settles deeper into the couch cushions, and feels, with great vindication, Dream's head tip and lean and rest on his shoulder, snuggling closer entirely of his own volition. "You love it."

[thestartarot]

Aquarius North Node / Leo South Node analysis

My own observations, take what resonates.

18 y/o and over due to sensitive topic nature. Thank you.

Trailblazers, we are entering age of Aquarius.

Soul color: blue

Destiny point: to build a society that allows your liberty to be upheld and keeps the people around you safe. To overcome societal norms by being their authentic self. Find middle ground in all manners of life. Discover creativity. Discover equality. Acceptance despite differences.

How to overcome: Be your own self and live in your own truth. Be Aquarius, don’t reject it. Don’t repress who you are and anything that is associated with inauthenticity like lying, cheating, or overtly objectifying yourself and others. Love yourself and people for the facets of who they are. Society brings structure and hope. Build your own moral code that points you in a direction of good. Use your thoughts as modes of creative expression instead of internalizing them and feeling jaded.

Full disclosure: this really is a wild turkey placement. Childhood will vary dramatically. There are certain threads that are shared in different generations of this placement. I will discuss those. I have frequently said this is also a polarizing placement and mental health needs to be a top priority. I’m going to discuss the polarity associated with Aquarians. In a simple way to demonstrate a complexity, imagine the concept of Aquarius as a line. On one side, there’s one extreme it falls to when depressed or under developed, on the other side, we see the Aquarian at its best living its truest self. It’s important to pay attention to how you are feeling and learn ways to self soothe (hot bath, go get a coffee, put on a skincare mask)

Isolation, Stoic,

Unemotional,

Deeply traumatized

Society and people

Become means of control

And a source of pain &

Pleasure

<——————————————————————————>

Unhealthy mindset A true libertine

When developed, Aquarians want people to embrace themselves, want a society where one can be accepted. In private, loves to enjoy themselves. Society and people are objects to be understood and admired. Fairness.

So the Aquarian already living in a very polarizing existence all the time and very inwardly (unlike Gemini who demonstrates polarizing mentalities outwardly.) Honestly, it’s an air sign thing. Y’all think so much you create different modes of thought all running at the same time and frequency and sometimes these modes aren’t too grounded in reality.

My moon is in Aquarius, and it squares off with some very important planets which is why I take my own mental health seriously, there are many ways I relate. - I struggle in social situations and sometimes I feel like I’m in a constant state of being misunderstood or disenfranchised by the people around me. It’s okay, to feel disconnected from society, but there are slippery slopes to that and particularly this placement (edit: 08/10/24)

Childhood: really varies for everyone with this placement. The most common thread I see is a hunt for the innermost & sometimes primal need for success & fulfillment in whatever that looks like for the individual. Success can be happiness, it can be owning a house of their own with a beautiful partner, being great at one’s job. However, success happens when working collectively and this placement may have felt indifferent socially. Childhood may have been stressful because of a lot of inner repression. Possibly conflicting beliefs or attitudes with family members. A lot of outer resentment towards the world because of coming into a world in active war time. The Leo South Node feels discouraged and disconnected because something is stealing the torch (war, politics, social inequalities, fundamental rights but society not granting those.) So the Aquarius in this placement at birth is a gift but also was born under uncertainty making society feel quite scary and uncomfortable. Parents or parental figures (lots of extended family dynamics, unusual or drifter upbringing) were just trying to get by too and they wanted you to fit in but they couldn’t always concentrate on you and when you weren’t perfect upon random inspection, you may have been punished (grounding, abuse). They need good teachers. Aspecting planets or houses may change this but at some point may have had more fascinations of death in the general sense of the word. There will be many hurdles to overcome in childhood and adulthood. You may feel lost. Always feeling like you are in a crowd. Or never seen. The Leo south node in this placement daydreams of fame and not having responsibility. The battle of finding one’s place in society, feeling misunderstood, and isolated can lead to substance abuse disorder / dissociations very young. The polarity in this placement will need lots of love and care because despite the mental framework, the Aquarian wants to succeed and thinks a lot about how to be the best. So, I stress mental health and great teachers. This placement often gets the “tough luck” approach.

Possibly experienced one too many early passings of childhood friends.

Adulthood: Aquarius is one of the most dominant signs in my personal opinion because I see the sign so heavily pronounced in culture and eras of time making it an undeniable Renegade. An Artist. A visionary. The inspiration in the stars. A moody and rebellious lost soul forced to live in the world alone. I have a theory that the innate liberty of Aquarius inspires the Leo to move towards the collective instead of the controlling. An Aquarian can manipulate the environment around you and the environment can manipulate the Aquarian into feeding their delusions. The Aquarian sign here can feel so detached from reality because they are so focused on the social framework around them and how to navigate it, they might not develop their natural talents that Leo south node came bursting in with. The most important thing stressed here is Aquarius is such a fixed sign that the intensity of your presence can cause people to go through changes. It’s not your fault, you are very statuesque and people are moved in emotion by you. Take it in stride. Don’t take it as an attack. The only way you are going to move forward is to be vulnerable and not feel shame. In this vulnerability is where you will shine and find your creative light.

Early and perhaps untimely deaths are associated with this placement and it may be because death does seem to follow them in the shadows. & usually at their own hand, drugs, or someone else’s. Y’all be safe you agents of change! The 27 club has presence here.

10 celebrities to unalive young with NN in Aquarius

Kurt Cobain

Heath Ledger

Janis Joplin

Jimi Hendrix

Brittany Murphy

Bruce Lee

Brandon Lee

James Dean

Aaliyah

River Phoenix (List credited to ChatGPT)

How to overcome: be your authentic self, don’t let society determine who you are and who you can’t be. Let the bare bones of truth be your armor. In healthy ways, be involved in society. Watch out for the polarity you have to deal with and don’t let the Leo south node be too consuming and too angry, use the creativity that comes with Leo to express your emotions. Take caution of those around you, people often like to dominate the Aquarius because the intensity in their presence can come off as a threat.

If I had three tarot cards to throw at this placement, it would be Death, The Star, and Judgement. Don’t let being an outsider turn you astray, be creative and use that philosophical and fantastical mind to good use. You’re great!!!

I stress mental health (journaling specifically, take note of song ^^) and to further emphasize the polarity and repression in this placement, here are five serial killers with a North Node in Aquarius:

Ted Bundy

Jeffrey Dahmer

Edmund Kemper

John Wayne Gacy

Richard Ramirez (List Credit to ChatGPT)

***all of these trash piles are aspected by Saturn in an earth sign.

So we have Kurt Cobain and John Wayne Gacy in the same sign, both experiencing tragic death. Kurt uplifted so many people while the other was pure trash. The reason is, Kurt Cobain was more successful at expressing his truth, rip forever. Placements should not use substances. Therapy advised if feeling disenfranchised, would look into counseling.

Final thoughts, Aquarius is a beautiful sign that wants to be happy and free. Leo wants Aquarius to bloom. What is dished out to this sign will be dished back out out 10 fold. But, the struggle will be, does one embrace the collective society or does one let society consume them and act cynical and cruel? When Aquarian placements learn how to love in a healthy manner, they are great lovers.

Also, keep in mind that everything I’m writing is opinion and not fact and this placement and your Saturn placement could be beneficial and make all of this irrelevant. That’s why I said it’s a wild turkey &&& also nothing takes precedence over experience and faith.

— Casper

Copyright © 2024 thestartarot | All rights reserved.

[ccatskies]

this is my take on the initial episodes of queen of tears: so, um. hyunwoo’s reaction to haein dying. a lot of people were immediately put off by it and dropped the drama, calling him an asshole. i wouldn’t say the reaction wasn’t a little uncomfortable to watch as a viewer, but that’s only the case if you’ve never put yourself in the shoes of someone suffering immensely from a dysfunctional relationship.

the lack of overt affection was destroying him because his wife is so closed off and would rather care for him in a way that is impossible to be acknowledged by him, she humiliated him in front of his employees and he had to respond w “yes, ma’am” despite not agreeing w her bc she’s his boss, she didn’t stand up for him vocally when her family was berating him to no end, plus the family made him do their household chores against his will. he had to walk on eggshells around them, especially his wife.

it was so bad that there were multiple scenes where his hands were clenched together, trembling. he went to therapy and got strong anxiety meds prescribed in return. this abysmal marriage was crippling him emotionally and mentally (it’s safe to say haein put him through emotional abuse, even if she didn’t intend to affect him that way)

his initial plan was to divorce haein because he couldn’t take it any longer, even if it meant his multimillionaire father-in-law was going to stab him in the back (figure of speech). in fact, he preferred being stabbed over having to face the vengeance of the hong family.

the “window fantasy” isn’t fictional. there are multiple women, unwillingly dependent on their narcissistic husbands (not only bc they can’t go anywhere since their working opportunities have been sabotaged but also bc a bad rep will follow them if they leave or don’t yield to their husbands; tldr: there are consequences to leaving), that have wanted to be widowed at some point bc they couldn’t bear the trauma of the marriage. growing up in a south asian society, i know a thing or two about being stuck in traumatic marriages and the only way being out is if your partner somehow dies.

no one would invalidate an abuse victim if they wanted their abuser to die. so, are these women any different just bc they agreed to the marriage when their partner swore to carry out their commitment? only to find out none of their needs are being met and they’re stuck? are they not being abused?

so, people, to an extent, DO justify it when women want their toxic husbands to die because of terrible life situations.

now, back to QoT. i saw someone on twitter say that if the roles were reversed i.e if haein was the one who was wishing for hyunwoo to die, they’d be okay with it bc “yess go get revenge on your toxic husband and free yourself girl” bc misogyny is a systematic thing. it’s not easy to escape abusive husbands in our society especially when they hold power over their partner.

so, for the opposite to happen i.e the husband wanting his wife to die just looks “bad.”

however, queen of tears is a show where it is blatantly obvious that the gender roles are reversed. something that even my younger brother pointed out seamlessly. the hong “queens” family think they’re progressive for making their sons-in-law do their chores for them (something they did not sign up for). this is how many daughters-in-law are treated in modern society. the only reason “misandry” feels more real in the show, in terms of the hong family, is bc the women of this family certainly hold more power over the sons-in-law because of CLASS. haein is a multimillionaire’s daughter while hyunwoo is a villager’s son. they could easily take revenge on his family in irreparable ways. class distinction exists, power exists, abuse exists.

with all that in mind, hyunwoo might as well have been going through the “widow fantasy” where if he left his wife willingly, he’d have to suffer and if he chose to stay, he’d still need to suffer. the only way out was haein not being in his life anymore without him having to do anything.

it sounds cruel but it’s obvious he was pushed to the edge. he wanted to escape the trauma and it should also be noted that by then, he was completely out of love with haein (he told his therapist that he despised his wife the most). how much can you sympathize w someone you can’t even look at without feeling small?

so, in that period, he must’ve went through an overwhelming amount of emotions while he was on survival mode, not allowing him to think straight, or even consider what he had w haein in the past bc much of that was long gone. furthermore, i don’t think he would’ve been that obsessed w the will revision if yanggi didn’t motivate him to think that way, with the intentions of getting compensation for their poor excuse of a marriage.

so yeah, i wouldn’t say he was being a good husband to her initially. but rather, he was being selfish… by looking out for himself for once. he’s always had to clean up the hong family’s mess, looking after their reputation, never getting peace of his own.

then again, it takes two to tango and the marriage failed bc of both hyunwoo and haein’s lack of efforts. but i would say it was more complicated for hyunwoo bc haein always kept him guessing (and she was indecisive as well; the wedding anniversary issue) and he’s grown up in a pretty communicative family, so not taking his partner’s words at face value isn’t something he’s used to. he felt the most unloved.

so, personally, it was hard for me to sympathize with haein until a few more episodes into the show (this is coming from someone who relates to haein a lot, kind of opened up room for a lot of self reflection). she was a bad wife to the point her partner wanted to die. can’t say if the feeling was mutual on her part. haein herself admitted that she was a terrible partner, understanding why he did what he did, despite it being heartbreaking.

another thing i’ve noticed people say is that hyunwoo was pretending to be the good guy and hiding behind his “kind” actions but you could tell his actions became more genuine and he started to catch feelings again, albeit he was in denial at the beginning. when the divorce agreement papers leaked, he told her the honest truth without coming up w excuses, acknowledging that this whole ordeal hurt haein more than it hurt him. he didn’t take advantage of her memory loss (the rain scene w the cat “aeong”) to cut himself some slack and to make sure haein wouldn’t immediately be plotting against him.

he wasn’t hiding behind his actions or claiming to be a good guy. he was owning up.

he started to care, felt guilty (hotel scene in germany) and realized why and how their relationship failed, worked towards making it better. i think he would’ve been honest and told haein abt the divorce himself anyway but learning about it from her mother kind of broke the trust haein had on him.

anyway, i never thought i’d be on tumblr defending a man who was happy at the news of his wife dying but here we are.

[irladagio]

in light of my recent posts and reblogs, i really want to share my recreation of finch AND ink how it is possible that i made them to be able to be stand alone characters. finch and inks backstories. how they are interesting and how ink can be autistic without it being a terrible and rude stereotype. :) also with them being able to keep much of their og personality if you wanna even call it that.. finch, though i do ship him with hacker, does not need him to be interesting or even involved… I’m going to start with Finch (bc i love him just read my blog page..) his backstory. It’s a lot heavier than what it was made to be. As someone who is familiar with racism and has read many books on his time…I can confirm it was not “yup war and that’s it :)” no. it’s dark and traumatic and I wanna make sure I write it in that light. War/Racism/Transphobia isn’t light or easy to deal with.. and that definitely would explain his “i can’t open up because i’ll get hurt” mentality. I have so much so many extra characters that balance out the excessive amount of men in ds (i understand why tho) they’ll be his friends, subordinates, enemies? World building!!!! I headcanon that he has BDP and I am in no way a mental illness expert and I’ve actually done research like someone who wants to write a character with a condition.. but i want to be as accurate as possible, so i’ll step away from focusing on that for now. But i would basically explain how he manages it, his day to day and stuff like that. This Man Love To Dance And Write and IDC what you say people. Yeah also he’s also texan. deep south, has a slight country accent. Odessa, Texas. No changing my mind on that one either. Katja, I think i wrote a post on her um yeah more on her later. I know im mostly focusing on Finch and yeah i tend to do that i’m sorry. But what im saying is!!! I rewrote him, and I’d love to share it! (ALSO IF YOURE INTERESTED PLS MESSAGE ME, KEEPING THIS TO MYSELF IS PAINFUL AND ITS ALL I THINK ABOUT ACTUALLY..PLSSS)

obviously im not sharing the entire thing rn but whenever i have time i’ll work on the post. hopefully..🤞🏽

[jacksope-lives]

A meta-analysis on Emma-May and the treatment of women in media and fandom

Okay so this has been on my mind for a while but fuck it Emma-May Dixon/Mcgucket analysis. For a character we know nothing about, I think about her all the time, and when I think about her, I get genuinely frustrated by the way the narrative and the fandom treats her in general. Either she’s a non-existent character whose erased or ignored for the sake of keeping their shipping of Fiddleford completely pure and fine, OR she’s villainized as being a horrible wife/ made into a poor ignorant beard in order to progress the male characters narratives. 

I actually deeply hate both of these interpretations, and I know people who do this are simply doing it so they can enjoy their ships or whatever, but turning a female character into a prop like that is incredibly frustrating and gross to me in general. So, based on the limited information we have about her, I want to throw my hat into the ring and share my thoughts about Emma-May and her relationship to her son and ex-husband outside whoever people want Fiddleford to be shipped with instead.

For one, I think it doesn’t go acknowledged enough that she was a single mother for the vast majority of her son's life. Considering both the time period, and the fact that due to the implication via her name that she is also from the south, she was likely a stay-at-home mom prior to becoming a single mom. Into the 70s most women were still homemakers, especially those in more rural traditional locations. There is no doubt in my mind that the struggle of entering the workforce after having been out of work as a mother, in a society which is incredibly disgusted by that idea, was deeply traumatic and terrifying for her, not to mention the stigma surrounding divorce she likely had to endure as well.

Moreover, I think it's likely that her choice to divorce Fiddleford was one made on her own (for reasons I’ll get into shortly) and I think the common interpretation I’ve seen in shipping contexts where he wants to leave her to he can go be with one of the Stan twins is… flawed, to say the least. Specifically, given we know from ”Legend of the Gobblewonker” that Fiddleford created a killer robot in response to being served with divorce papers we can infer that it was likely not a mutual decision, and also likely one made at the point where Fiddleford is long gone in terms of mental capacity. This to me indicates it wasn’t something that happened shortly after the end of his time with Ford, as “Society of the Blind Eye” shows us that it took several months to years before the effects of the memory gun fully materialized.

Her choice to return to her maiden name would also have been deeply shocking for the time and situation she was living in, and that to me speaks to the idea that she is both deeply resilient and also to the idea that she was deeply hurt by making this choice. Honestly, even in fan works which do include her as a character, she’s typically not shown as being particularly angry at Fiddleford for blowing up her life and leaving her a single mom, either being absent or being waved off as being okay with it. This is, in my opinion, just an extension of the narrative’s choice to treat her as a nonentity, and fandom’s tendency to ignore or erase female characters who are “in the way” of their ships.

Despite what seems to be fandom consensus that Fiddleford is gay and closeted, and his marriage to her is essentially a one-sided lavender marriage, I actually don’t agree. This isn’t to say that I disagree with the idea of shipping Fiddleford with the Stan twins on principle, I don’t. Rather, I think the problems in their marriage don’t stem from a fundamental incapability in terms of sexuality, nor do I think Fiddleford was simply using her to cover for his true desire to be with men. In fact, I do think he loved Emma-May and I think she deeply loved him, which is what makes the results of everything else so much more tragic. Frankly, I think Fiddleford’s choice to “abandon” his family wasn’t seen as that to either of them when it began.

Instead, I think it was seen as an opportunity to further his field, and being a loving and supportive wife, she approved of the idea. I think this is further supported by the mention in Journal 3 that Fiddleford keeps a portrait of her and their son on his desk to “remind him of what’s important”. Fiddleford is definitely a bad husband, but I don’t think those traits reflect negatively on Emma-May, either as a wife or as someone oblivious to the fact that her husband can’t love her the way she deserves to be loved. I see Emma-May as a character who is often unfairly ignored or maligned for the sake of slash-shipping, which is unfortunately deeply common for female characters in fandom.

I perceive her character as being a strong and resilient woman thrust into the workforce and single-motherhood in a time when both of those things were even more difficult than they are now. A woman who lost her husband not to an affair or incompatible sexualities but to a profound mental illness. A woman for whom divorce was not a desirable outcome or even a freeing one, but an unfortunate necessity and one that wasn’t wholeheartedly accepted by the man she likely still loved on some level. And I personally find this character far more interesting than being a blank slate, oblivious beard, or nonentity erased for the sake of shipping her husband with whatever Pines twin the fandom is gushing over this week.