#being cared for and feeling like someone's priority

[help-itrappedmyself]

Liminal Jason part 3

For those of you that saw the blip earlier, when I tried to post this but it broke cause it was too long, here is the real thing. Masterpost for earlier parts.

Sorry again. And slight tw for panic attack

Jason woke up slowly, taking in his surroundings as he adjusted to being awake. It was quiet, and a little humid. He was on a bed, could feel the sheets beneath him, and he wasn’t restrained at all. There was a moment of confusion, because when you wake up after being attacked like that you usually end up dead or a hostage. There was a creeping realization dawning in the back of his mind. He didn’t want to acknowledge it. He opened his eyes, not wanting his suspicions to be true. But he was in a holding cell in the cave, and he realized what must have happened. Then he was pissed. 

He let out a growl, pushing to sit up on the bed. He thought they were doing better. He thought his family trusted him again. His growl was angry, foreboding, telling of the danger and anger in his thoughts. But his head was pounding from the sedative. They knew he hated needles. Hated drugs. Why would they do this to him, trick him like this when they knew how he felt about it. The haze in his head, making his thoughts heavy, and doing nothing but reminding him of all the harm drugs have done to the people around him. He stopped growling, hoping the quiet would help. Much less angry, the clouds in his head starting to make him sad and breathless. He hopes the effects wear off soon. He can’t focus. There is something important that he is missing. He is forgetting something, the spiral of his thoughts and emotions starting to lean towards hysteria. He’s alone. Trapped and alone, mind heavy with fog. He can’t think, why is he stuck here? His breath starts coming faster, increasing while his heart starts to race. He tries to keep quiet, and calm down. A whimper escapes him as he finds a corner and slides down the wall. Then he heard a keen. Close, probably coming from one of the other cells. The sound cuts through the haze. Important, a strike of clarity hitting him with a pulse as he remembers the kid. There was a kid with him. 

Danny. Jason hears him call out again, a sharp keen of panic-confusion, and Jason needs to help him. Jason stumbles up, leaning on the wall for support. He heads towards the door, but he was familiar with how the cells worked. He reached it and of course it was locked. He attempted to manually override, but the pad inside the cell was locked down. The cell can only be opened once someone on the inside clears whoever is inside it. Created for instances where one of them has been incapacitated by a new strain of fear gas, or a new Ivy concoction. To hold someone until an antidote can be created. There was no getting out of here before the other came by. 

Hopefully, they’re on their way now, seeing him awake on the cameras. Jason has some choice words to be had about his situation, angry seething inside him as the panic from earlier recedes. 

Danny lets out another keen, breathy and biting and Jason hears him start to panic. Jason still has to do what he can. He can’t reach him, but he can try and calm him down. They’re in this together, and Jason is going to do whatever he can for the kid. He let out a rumble, steady and calm in response to Danny’s cries. His rumble is filled with annoyance, but still said okay-here-safe. 

Danny is silent for a moment before he hums back a confused-trust. It’s closer, louder, like Danny has moved to be right on the other side of the wall from Jason. This kid, who just had his world destroyed, came here alone and afraid, and he trusts Jason. Screw yelling at the Bats. Danny needs him, and priority one is getting Danny to a place he can feel safe. 

A soft churring sound leaves Jason, sweet and caring, and Jason hopes the kid knows that he is going to do everything he can for him. Then Jason hears Danny let out a short purr, a quiet susurration, that ends as quickly as it starts. Jason is stunned by how much faith Danny is putting in him. How much Jason cares for this boy he just met. 

The bats can pry this boy out from his cold, dead hands.

[sleepystargaze]

On Caitlyn's 180: An Essay

This is all spoiler below. But I NEED to talk about it.

What if this is the exact moment Caitlyn puts everything together, including Vi being one of the children who burglarized Jayce's penthouse.

Hear me out.

So, Caitlyn asks Vi what she's doing there, and Vi says, "Trying to save my dad." She has this little "AHA!" moment.

(go look at the last panel of this gif set rn for more context)

That woman just had an epiphany. Furthermore, the way the music swells at this exact moment just feels like it's clueing in on more than meets the eyes.

She clearly realizes, at minimum, that her and Vi are here for the same thing: Warwick. And then doesn't even really question it. This got me to thinking, "but how she do that though?"

Well, she has all the information she needs to put it together, this is just the first time she's had a reason to pull that SPECIFIC information together.

Let's start with the fact that Caitlyn loves a mystery, and the rise of shimmer is a part of her favorite mystery.

Literally, in her giant bedroom, the only part of it that looks lived in is the big map at the foot of her bed. The show doesn't indicate when exactly this obsession started for Caitlyn, but it makes it clear that it's been on her mind for a very long time. Jayce called it "the great conspiracy," so she definitely talked about it a lot. And Jayce's flippant attitude tells us she's definitely been thinking about it since she was a teenager.

Educated guess, I believe this started with Sheriff Grayson's murder. (a) It would be unsurprising Caitlyn felt a great need to bring justice to the person that murdered someone she cared for. (b) It was a murder that would ultimately become a cold case. (c) Silco being the main conspirator to her murder, the trail would lead her to a larger conspiracy.

And from this scene above, we know that Vi is impressed with what Caitlyn was able to gather without ever going to the Undercity. Which means, we know her board was really close to the truth. Afterall, it did lead her to Vi, who single-handedly led her to the answers she sought.

So, why the hell does this matter in regards to Vi being involved in the burglary?

Caitlyn knows that Grayson's main priority at the time of her death was finding the culprits of the explosion.

Caitlyn's parents clearly involve her in the conversations revolving around the explosion at the penthouse. I don't feel it's a stretch to assume she also knew that the council were putting pressure on Grayson to solve the case.

The explosion of the warehouse happened on the same night as Grayson's murder. While I don't think Caitlyn had a way to really connect the 2 explosions except that they happen within days of each other, I doubt Caitlyn forgets this fact even if she does not connect them initially. 

Now you may being wondering why the heck that matters. What does the warehouse have anything to do with it?

Caitlyn was in the ruins of the destroyed warehouse at the end of season 1.

In which she heard this conversation.

Thing is, she was going through an extremely traumatic experience at the time... Then her mom was killed... So I doubt she realized it was the same place nor had the mental capabilities of processing the information. And by the time she did have the capacity to really consider it, she likely had no reason to...at least yet.

Regardless, she's here for this conversation. She now at least knows Vander's name and that he was important to them and that Silco murdered him here.

So, she has her connection here. If she realizes this was the location of the second explosion, she now knows that Grayson and Vander were murdered on the same night. And if she connects it to the penthouse explosion, Grayson's investigation and main focus at the time, she also knows that...

4 children were fleeing the scene.

Seems like everyone knew this within the hour after the explosion. Word spread so fast, Vander knew before the kids even got home. Caitlyn undoubtedly knows about the kids. She just doesn't know who they are, but she has seen them.

Caitlyn has an eye for detail and a mind for investigation. I doubt she lets much fall between the cracks. They didn't leave Ekko's home until it was dark. She had plenty of time to look at this mural, at the 4 children including Vi. Then at the tea party when Jinx starts talking to her hallucinations, she's pointed to...

Again, traumatic experience. Probably not thinking about it that hard, but she did see the puppets. Again, no reason to connect those things yet. But she does now have the context to connect that these 2 other children are important to Vi and Jinx and that they were important enough to be brought to the "tea party."

And because of the mural, she knows that these were real people and that they died.

FURTHERMORE, they undoubtedly know who Vander was by the reputation he left behind.

When that one guy getting tortured gave up Vander's statue as the meeting location, Ambessa's second-hand man, who is not from Zaun OR Piltover, knew exactly where that was. There's no way Caitlyn doesn't also know about the statue. Besides that, she also saw him in the mural. If she's seen this statue, she knows it's the same man.

Caitlyn would now know that Vander is important to the whole undercity. "Well respected."

Lastly, Singed told Ambessa about the man behind the monster.

This one is a bit of a stretch, but think about it. Ambessa has no reason to withhold the information Singed gave her. Here it is below if you want a reminder:

"He isn't a monster. He was once a man. Well respected, at that. Victim of great tragedy. He had a furocious will to live. An incredible tolerance for pain. With him, I was able to make strides impossible with any other specimen. But the mind... the mind I could not recover. The man forever lost in the bowels of the beast, compelled only by the scent of blood. Or so I thought. It now seems I had yet to uncover the right catalyst."

Singed is awfully forthcoming with information once he realizes he doesn't have to hide it from Ambessa. And when Caitlyn walks in on them in Singe's lab, Ambessa makes no effort to hide her current involvement with Singed. AND even if Ambessa realizes Singed is talking about Vander, I highly doubt Ambessa has the information necessary to realize she's literally delivering Caitlyn to a connection to not only Vi, but Jinx.

Caitlyn, however, does have all the information. If Ambessa or Singed told Caitlyn the same info or even more, Caitlyn could likely start making some assumptions on who the man behind the beast is.

She just didn't have a catalyst to put everything together... Again, yet.

And while we're on the topic of this scene...

We learn Caitlyn abhors a gap in information.

Caitlyn talks about the mystery of shimmer, "This led to one other missing puzzle piece whose absence has always gnawed at my mind."

She wants all the details even if it does not add much to the full picture.

She already knows Silco and the chembarons are responsible for the manufacturing and distribution of shimmer. Learning who made it only tells her who made it. It doesn't solve anything or change what she would have to do to stop the spread of shimmer. But she wants to know. She HAS to know.

She wants all the dots to connect and is not satisfied until they do.

So, when Vi says, "Trying to save... my dad."

What if this one sentence was all Caitlyn needs to connect everything she didn't understand before. I mean, how else do you explain that little "aha" head move she does.

There is no way she did not take a greater interested in how the heck Vi was involved to begin with and especially as a child.

Her main focus has been on Jinx: finding her and bringing her to justice. She's been distracted.

What if this is the catalyst, the first time she has a reason to connect all those dots to make what Vi said make sense. And suddenly it all does.

Honestly, it would explain why Caitlyn jumped ship so easily.

In conclusion.

Caitlyn has all the information she needs to connect the dots.

She has the motivations to continue seeking those answers.

She just didn't have the mental opportunity to really consider it... until she did.

Anyway... Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm reading too much into it. Maybe one "Cupcake" is just not enough to convince me she'd immediately plan a mutiny, but maybe she is that simple! (She's definitely not. *coughs*)

But you know what, even if she didn't glean that Warwick is actually Vander and Vander is Vi's dad in that moment, she definitely knows after this...

So, anyway, I think she definitely knows or is at minimum primed to have the realization. Guess we'll see.

[ppapagei]

Respectfully, I feel as though you misunderstood my argument & I want to clarify my position & respond to your points:

1.) She has not said that she will not fight for our trans community. These tweets you have added & McBride‘s statement on H.R. 1579 are not even contradictory. She says she disagrees w the bathroom policy, and is pointing out how the right continues to use us as a boogeyman to garner support under the guise of ''safety'' and 'protecting women'', then will cut social programs, healthcare, push abortion bans, etc., harming the very people they claim to protect. (ofc alongside trans ppl who also need these programs, medical procedures, etc.) I believe that throughout her career McBride has explicitly stood up for transgender rights as spokesperson for the HRC, being the first openly trans state senator & her work in that position to expand access to healthcare & social programs that benefit transgender people. When she is sworn in she will be the highest-ranked transgender elected official in US history, and it is disingenuous & misinformed to claim she is throwing the trans community under the bus w her recent statement on H.R. 1579.

2.) I mean performative in the sense that those pushing for this bathroom ban (Nancy Mace) are not doing it out of genuine concern for women‘s welfare. Bathroom bills & similar policies (genital checks, etc.) have & will harm cis ppl as well as trans ppl (their intended target). Women & nonwomen, cis & trans, intersex & perisex, black & white, however we will describe people, all can & will be harmed by this type of legislation. It is a performative bullshit excuse of ''protecting women'' that in reality will harm more women than it claims to ''help'' or ''protect''.

3.) Trans men are not just ''caught in the crossfire'', please don’t even try to lecture me on my own lived experience. We are also targets of transphobic bills like this, and our invisibility isn‘t a privilege, in the same way the hypervisibility of trans femmes isn’t a privilege. I have remained respectful w how I communicate w you, a stranger on the internet, but it is clear that energy is not being reciprocated. We are fighting the same fight. My intention w my original post (a personal vent that suddenly blew up lol) is that I am so incredibly fed up w this crabs-in-a-bucket mentality & infighting that holds us back. We agree on so much, but someone using different language, priorities, or strategies to fix a major societal problem (that cannot be solved by just one person or on one front btw!!!) means we should just throw them away?? How can we ever expect to achieve anything with that mentality?

4.) ''She and the rest of us will always be the disgusting trannies no matter how much we grovel and say "thank you for misgendering me Mr. Speaker, I am actually a sexual threat to cis women and I'll go use the men's bathroom like the degenerate that I am".'' This is not what she said. She is not rolling over or like detransitioning or selling out her community bc the House Speaker said to. She is literally fighting this by being the highest ranked transgender elected official in US History during a majority far-right authoritarian government. Her response is her making careful choices under INTENSE scrutiny. She is being thoughtful w her words & actions because as a trans woman in politics, the game is stacked against her. She is an elected official, but she is still a transgender woman. A transgender woman who is allowed to make decisions for her own safety & political career instead of martyring herself for ''the cause''. We need more trans ppl involved in politics, McBride is trying to build a career, not fall on her sword at the first battle. She hasn’t even entered office yet for her first term!

5.) ''What next, should POC congresspeople not fight for racial equality because it's actually in the Republicans not to be racist? Ought Rashida Tliab put out a statement saying "actually you're right, my people do deserve to be bombed and I'm not going to fight that because I'm here to work on more important issues"?'' That’s not what I‘m saying at all. I‘m not saying that McBride shouldn’t fight for trans rights, or that she’s turned her back on the community & that’s awesome! /s She is currently fighting for the trans community & our civil rights, but some people are more concerned w tone policing her reaction to targeted transphobic bullying, than they are w the bullies in the first place.

6.) It is good to think critically, I also criticize all sides of the political spectrum. Again, we agree on a lot! I just do not think this is the time to criticize how a transgender woman responds to targeted harassment. Nancy Mace brought H.R. 1579 because Sarah McBride was elected.

7.) McBride has never said she wouldn’t fight for trans civil rights, idk why you keep repeating this, it doesn’t make it true. (ofc if u have a source for this i am totally open to learning more & changing my opinion on this) If people have critiques on the policies she’s pursuing I‘d love to hear them! But this is criticizing what she’s done w an office she hasn’t even been sworn into yet. It is criticizing how she responded to bullying from her peers, which imo is cruel & lacks perspective of the larger issues at play.

7.) Yup, she represents us because she is trans. I don’t want it to be that way either but we belong to a marginalized group that has been historically oppressed in this country, and she is the first of that marginalized group to be elected to Congress. It is historically significant & many cis ppl will view her under intense scrutiny as a representative of the trans community. To compare McBride to MTG or Byron Donalds is incredibly misinformed. They differ greatly on policy & political beliefs. At least compare her to Jeanette Rankin, whose appointment as the first woman elected to Congress did not make her a sellout or traitor to women, she continued to work for womens civil rights in this country & did not compromise her beliefs in pacifism or the suffragette movement.

Like yes, criticize away, but that criticism needs to be educated, contextual, and accurate to have merit. I am not saying ''but ur not addressing republicans transphobia!'' I am saying ur criticism of how McBride responded to targeted bullying immediately following her election (again, hasn’t even entered office yet) is misinformed & inaccurate. She is not saying that she has given up on fighting for the trans community. By being in office she will continue her work, and we need more transgender role models, esp in gov/politics where anti-trans beliefs & legislation has proliferated in recent years.

Believe me, I will be paying attention to her actions in Congress & how she votes once she has been sworn in. If she does turn her back on the trans community I will be among the first to call her out on that!! You should as well! But she has not turned her back on us by deciding to run for Congress, winning her election, or her statement on H.R. 1579.

genuinely fucking furious about reactions to Mcbride, especially seeing this shit coming from fellow trans ppl…. like have you lost the fucking plot????

[saintsenara]

For unhinged and deranged ships: Snape/Bellatrix.

thank you very much for the ask, anon!

i adore these two haters, and not just in a "toxic situationship which leaves dozens dead" way.

because - as the most delusional snapemort defender in history, who would also defend bellamort with my life - i think it's inherently plausible that snape spends his period as a death eater during the first war feeling profoundly jealous of bellatrix.

after all, she's the dark lord's favourite - and voldemort isn't exactly shy about this being known [she wouldn't run around yapping about he "calls me his most loyal, his most faithful" if she had even the slightest feeling that voldemort would murder her for leaking his pillow talk] - which means that, if you go in for the idea that he's sleeping with her, i think you can argue that he also permits her some degree of public physical affection. i don't think they're holding hands during acts of terrorism, or anything like that, but i do think that bellatrix is summoned away from group settings to join voldemort, everyone knows what they're about to get up to, and the dark lord doesn't care.

snape - in contrast - is kept as a pretty clandestine part of voldemort's operation. karkaroff can't think of anything specific to credibly accuse him of, sirius isn't fully convinced he could have been a death eater, and so on.

and this makes sense - it's clear that snape gets taken on by voldemort in a back-of-house role [to be a spy he can eventually place at hogwarts, and very probably originally to brew for him], and is peripheral to the more public-facing, combat side of voldemort's terror. which means that any time he spends with the dark lord is probably one-on-one - and any affection he receives from voldemort during these sessions [and look, i ship it...] is similarly private.

but it's also clear in canon that this order only continues for a few months after bellatrix gets out of azkaban, before things start to shift and she finds herself having to be the jealous one.

from the start of half-blood prince onwards, snape usurps bellatrix in voldemort's public favour [no matter what he's like with either in private]. and we know that she's not thrilled about this - not least because she's correctly worked out that snape's not trustworthy and voldemort's only response is to tell her to wind her neck in.

and we also know that snape fucking loves how annoyed she is - he's having the time of his life roasting her when she cockblocks narcissa by stomping around his front room [the line about "endless reminiscences of how unpleasant azkaban is"... a third-degree burn, i fear] - and that all of snape's best pairings feature that "we literally cannot stop hurling insults at each other, i will not rest until i've told them this next zinger, i am incapable of letting anything go" dynamic.

textbook enemies-to-enemies-who-fuck.

where this turns into enemies-to-lovers... is that both snape and bellatrix are clearly profoundly lonely people. and not only that, but profoundly lonely in strikingly similar ways - above all in that they're in love with someone who doesn't want them in the way they'd like to be wanted. i don't think bellatrix loses anything of her character - her cruelty, her temper, her resilience - if we also imagine her as a bit of a hopeless romantic [her joy at voldemort complimenting her - "no higher pleasure... that means a great deal, bellatrix, coming from you" - which vanishes when he turns it into an insult is but one example] who would jump at the chance to be mrs riddle. snape's unrequited love is well known.

neither of them seem to have friendships in which they're the priority - snape is close to lucius malfoy, but the relationship is nonetheless transactional; bellatrix clearly adores her sister, but she's secondary in narcissa's concerns to her husband and son. they live their lives in service to men who regard it as their duty to sacrifice themselves for their cause - snape with dumbledore, who may like him, but who also thinks of him primarily as a tool to bring about voldemort's defeat; bellatrix with voldemort, who considers her to have done the bare minimum in terms of loyalty to him by enduring fourteen years in azkaban [even though he also thinks this places her above all her fellow death eaters, who didn't even do that]. they both have experience of imprisonment - snape metaphorically, trapped in the school he doesn't seem to have particularly enjoyed and the childhood home he thought he'd escaped; bellatrix literally. they're both voldemort's exceptions in terms of the demographics of the death eaters - snape on account of his social class; bellatrix on account of her gender - which means that they depend entirely on maintaining the dark lord's goodwill and are peripheral to the elite male social group which makes up the rest of the inner circle.

and these similarities mean that they have a pretty high chance of being able to understand each other, comfort each other, and help each other move beyond their isolation...

until voldemort gets jealous, that is.

[ambrosiagourmet]

Take this with a grain of salt but I don’t think Izutsumi necessarily MUST be be viewed as canonically aroace. I do not have a problem with that reading at all, to be clear, but I’ve been mulling this over for a while and with how much self-loathing and neglect informs her character it just doesn’t seem to entirely fair in insist on taking the “I don’t have a type” line at face value.

She’s a traumatized 17-year-old girl who thinks she’s unlovable and has never had the freedom to chose what to do with her life. Of course she doesn’t have a type and longs for a mom to love her unconditionally.

[everyones-story]

i wish i had the balls to want to kill myself

[swordmaid]

thalia is so growing on me i love my rich woman who has Problems.. i gave her ice powers for like. the elsa vibes.

[skrunksthatwunk]

found out that rascal's owner took him again while i was out, and he's probably not gonna be back since the semester's almost over. i don't even know if his owner's coming back next semester, if i'll ever see him again. if he'll ever see me again. why do they wait until im not around to do this? why do they never let me say goodbye to him?

[todayisafridaynight]

SORRY TO TAKE SUCH A HARD LEFT BUT HOW DO YOU THINK JO FOUND OUT ARAKAWA WAS DEAD

IM GOING TO SCREAM IF I TRY TO THINK ABOUT THAT NOOOOO I GOTTA GET BACK TO YOU IN 5-7 BUSINESS DAYS WITH THAT ONE............

[musical-chick-13]

I know SO many people who hated The Sound of Music back when I was still trying to make a living as a Stage Performer, but I don't think I can EVER articulate just how much the line, "Just because you love this man doesn't mean you love God any less" did for me in regard to starting the process of unlearning all of the self-destructive things I had begun to internalize from the Catholic church.

[mrfoox]

I'm... I want people to be as into me as I am into them. I want to spend time with people all the time, I want someone to want the same from me

[rewatchingspn]

in roadkill (2x16), we're making a return to sam being characterized as the "empathetic, good at handling people person," and dean being the "rough around the edges, 'regular' people get in the way" person... interesting the different approaches the writers have with the boys episode to episode, and in what situations each of their very different sets of people skills shine.

[bbael]

It feels like im constantly running away from people and that is true actually

[vampirebutterflies]

tagged by darling @gremlin-soup for my top five songs Right Now !!

✿ Here with Me by d4vd

❀ Sea of Love by Cat Power

✿ Hardlight by Spacey Jane

❀ Blood cover by Gang of Youths

✿ Running Up That Hill cover by The Wombats

taggin @not-nervous-jester @chupacactus @blackbeardskneebrace @blakbonnet @nofeelingisfinall @eye-scream-girls @couriander @skysofrey @smoothedsmoothie @enbiosaur @turtles-on-turts (won’t let me tag u I hope u see this 🥺) and @creepycute-puppy-gf if y’all wanna play because I am Full Of Love and interaction is!!! scary but fun!!!!

[devilmeows]

INSANE that cis people will value their stupid wizard franchise over the lives of trans and jewish people. INSANE

[oglegoggle]

Bleh I know that everyone is busy today with like their families and loves and shit so giving me attention isn’t really the top of the priority list but fuck…. I wish no much I were at the top of someone’s priority list. Like genuinely not “I’m gonna tell you you’re the most important person in my life every day until something catastrophic happens that permanently damages the fuck out of you and I have to step up and make difficult choices for your care then I’m telling you you rank more like 6 or 7 in my list of priorities but I will still tell you you’re my favorite while I actively fucking abandon you.”

Can still hear my fathers voice ringing in my head telling me that no matter how much I give, no matter how much I try, I will never be the first priority in someone’s life. Everyone will always have somebody or some obligation that means more to them than I do. And unfortunately as it were uhhhhhhh that’s never exactly been disproven.