#before the fall of insomnia
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A Day Off
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy XV.
OC: Lillian Nox Fleuret is the third princess of Tenebrae and the youngest sister of Ravus and Lunafreya. She is an Oracle. Following the attack on the Fenestala Manor, King Regis rescues Noctis and Lillian and takes them back to Insomnia. She and Noctis grew up together in the Citadel before moving to the apartment in their first year of high school. Their friendship blossomed into love over the years, and after realizing their feelings for each other, they began dating.
This takes place two years before the game. Both Lillian and Noctis are 18.
***************
M.E. July, 754.
"Noct... Noct! Get up. We need to clean your room before Ignis comes." Lillian announced after knocking on the still-sleeping prince's door and inviting herself.
Noctis groaned and snuggled deeper in his blanket. He mumbled a few incoherent words then the room fell into silence again. Lillian sighed and refrained from jumping on him and dragging him out of bed, "Wake up It's afternoon, Your Highness." she tried not to trip on the piles of clothes thrown on the ground and went to open the window.
A hand got out of the covers and patted blindly around it. Once he found his phone, he switched it on. Lillian sat on the bed and looked around her. The prince opened one eye, read "13:56," and then put his phone next to his pillow. He sat up after removing the blanket from his face, "'morning, sleepy-head." Lillian chuckled at his bed hair. She let her fingers tangle in his messy locks and started fixing them. He grunted a greeting and leaned closer to her as she gently combed his hair. It was a habit that he loved. Moments like these made him forget all about his responsibilities and bask in her calming scent.
"I told you to sleep early... Have you completed watching season two yet?" He had told her that he had started the second season, and they made a bet whether he could finish it in a single day.
Eight episodes. Each episode is an hour long. It was safe to say that he had won the bet.
With his eyes still closed, Noctis grinned. "Yup. All of it. Slept at four am... I feel like shit, but it's worth it," he finished with a yawn. His voice is still deep with sleep.
The Oracle shook her head at the prince. He can be silly sometimes. "Don't do that again, please. You look lifeless," she removed her hand from his hair, and he pouted in protest, "Now get your ass up. Ignis is coming at five, and we still need to clean your room."
"Right," he sighed, then smiled, "can I get a 'good morning' kiss?" He tugged at her sleeve, his other hand reaching for her face, cupping her cheek.
Lillian chuckled, then planted a soft kiss on his forehead, making his heart flutter. He sighed happily. Truly, nothing made him happier than these peaceful moments with his princess. He watched silently as she gave him a small smile before getting up from his bed.
"Your breakfast is on the dining table. I'll go get the cleaning supplies that we need." She tied her hair up so it wouldn't bother her during the cleaning. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Noctis finally getting up, running his hand through his hair, and stretching. She left Noctis' room and went to the kitchen when she realized her first mission of the day, waking him up, was complete.
Looking through the cabinets, she gathered several plastic bags for all the trash lying on his bedroom floor. Just as she pulled out a cleaning detergent, Noctis entered the kitchen, rubbing his eyes as he sat on the dining table's chair. "Thanks for the food, Lilly," he said with a smile, before eating the pancakes.
"Hm? Oh! No problem, Noct," She said dismissively, waving her hand. With the supplies in her hold, she went to start the cleaning.
"I'll be right there once I'm finished," he called over his shoulder.
"Okay!" Was her reply.
He sat there, chewing on the chocolate-covered pancakes, then his thoughts drifted to Lillian. Ever since Ignis reprimanded and threatened to take him back to the citadel, Lillian volunteered to help him. Well, in this case, help Ignis since he was the one who would usually clean up after him.
"Ignis already has enough on his plate," Lillian said one time, "You shouldn't make his life miserable with your mess!"
Noctis promised her to try to keep his room as clean as he could because he felt guilty and didn't want to be separated from Lillian — who would stay in the apartment while he went back to the citadel. Emphasis on Try... He just couldn't help it! He tried but failed. All the royal training and political reports made him neglect to tidy his bedroom.
Once he finished, he got up and downed the strawberry smoothie. Ignis had asked Lillian to keep an eye on Noctis' dietary habits. He hated vegetables, but he hated upsetting Lillian even more. And so he ate every meal she prepared for him. He also noticed how she tried to make the greens delicious for him. She was constantly coming up with new recipes that included vegetables to make eating them more fun for him.
He adored her so much for doing this.
He cleaned his cup and plate, then hurried off to his room. He was greeted with the sight of a full laundry basket containing all the clothes he had tossed around.
When Lillian noticed his arrival, she handed him a garbage bag and said, "I'm gonna put these clothes in the washing machine," she then hoisted the hamper by its handles and added, "This is the last time you bring food here, understand?" She spoke with a stern tone that caused Noctis to avert his eyes sheepishly.
He nodded, "Understood."
Soon after that, she left, leaving him to his task. The young man looked around his room, empty packages of several snacks and bottles of juices scattered all over the floor and the desk. He glanced at the digital clock next to his laptop, "2: 13 PM," less than three hours remained until Ignis arrived. Thankfully, his room was not as wild as it used to be.
He nodded, ready to prove his independence to Ignis and Lillian. With this mindset, he began, starting with the floor, "Let's do this."
***************
Noctis proudly smiled as he admired his now sparkling clean room.
Lillian cleaned everything thoroughly, from the floors to the walls to the windows, and Noctis assisted her.
He turned to Lillian, her keen eyes looking for any spot they might have missed. Noctis draped his arm over her shoulders and pulled her close, side-hugging her, "Relax love," he chuckled, "The room is spotless. Even Iggy would be taken aback by how it looks."
Lillian returned the side hug by wrapping her arm around his back and nodded, "Yeah," she smiled when he kissed her temple and muttered a sweet 'thank you.'
"I promise to keep it as clean as possible. I won't let your work go to waste."
"That's right! Plus, we did it together, Noct," she looked up at him and smiled. She turned to the digital watch, "We still have thirty minutes before Iggy comes... Until then, I'm going to take a shower."
Earlier that day, she had cleaned her room and their living room, not that there was much to clean; she always kept things organized. And now, after cleaning Noctis' room, she was worn out. She figured a nice, hot shower would relax her muscles and clear her thoughts.
The prince smiled mischievously and said, "Mind if I join you?"
He faced her, hands moving to her hips as he pulled her flush against him. She blushed, and he smirked; He loved teasing her.
"No, I don't mind," she said, smirking at his surprised expression. Pushing away from him, she made her way to the bathroom. "You'd better hurry, though. We don't have much time."
Noctis looked at the doorway. He chuckled; she had caught him off guard. He didn't expect her to agree. With a cheeky smile on his face, he rushed after her.
***************
Ignis raised an eyebrow at the flushed face of the young princess and the prince's satisfied smile and decided not to ask about whatever had happened. Something told him that he was better off not knowing.
He nodded in approval after touring the apartment and then placed a folder on the coffee table.
"This is a report on the current situation between Insomnia and Niflheim, have a look at it later," Ignis then turned to Lillian, "Nyx asked me to let you know that he'll drop by tomorrow."
She smiled in excitement, "Alright!" It had been two weeks since she had seen the Kingsglaive, and she had missed him. Helping the Glaives around Insomnia's borders was a job she loved; she always looked forward to it. According to Libertus, she had made their life much easier by taking care of the Daemons and them fighting off the imperial army.
Ignis smiled at her enthusiasm and glanced at Noctis who was looking curiously at a bag he had set down on their kitchen counter.
"I had time earlier and decided to bake some desserts," the advisor adjusted his glasses, "I'll take my leave now-"
He was cut off by Lillian, a frown on her face, "What?! You can't leave just yet! I'm going to make us some coffee and eat the dessert together, so please take a seat," and with that, she went to prepare their drinks.
Noctis looked at the princess, a look of admiration on his face. The sun was setting, and the apartment was bathed in orange rays giving it a cozy atmosphere. A gentle smile on his face as he watched her prepare cups and a plate to display the pastries. The comforting smell of the coffee filled the air, and Noctis exhaled a contented sigh. He wanted to hold on to these moments when nothing mattered and the whole world seemed tranquil.
Ignis cleared his throat, snapping Noctis out of his reverie. They both took a seat at the dining table, and Lillian joined them after bringing them the food.
"This tastes amazing!" Noctis exclaimed as he took a bite, "But something is missing...right, Lilly?"
She nodded, "Yeah, it almost tastes like the one we had in Tenebrae," she hummed in delight and added, "This tastes so good! This is what happiness tastes like," she giggled, and Noctis nodded his head in agreement.
Ignis sighed slightly in disappointment before taking a bite. At least he was close this time. He watched silently as Lillian and Noctis chatted about some series he had stayed up late to watch. He listened to them and made a few comments here and there. The trio kept talking about random topics until Ignis checked his watch and told them that he had to leave.
After wearing his shoes, he turned them, "I'm glad to see that you're doing well. I'll return in two days to go over the report with you."
"Right," the prince said as he leaned against the wall, "Thanks for the dessert, Iggy," he said with a small smile.
Ignis nodded and then addressed the princess, "Be careful tomorrow, alright?"
"I will. Don't worry," Lillian assured him.
"Good. Have a good night, then," and with that, Ignis left.
Noctis locked the front door and followed Lillian into the kitchen.
"Maybe we should leave these to Prompto..." She muttered as she placed the pastries in a paper bag before putting them in the fridge.
He took their empty cups to the sink and washed them. "I'll invite him over for some gaming tomorrow."
The young Oracle sat on the sofa and sighed. She watched Noctis dry his hands with a paper towel before sitting beside her. He opened his arm, and she rested her head on his chest, his arm hugging her frame as he placed his head on top of hers. His other hand sought hers and intertwined them.
"Are you all right?" Noctis spoke softly after a moment of silence.
"Mmhmm," she closed her eyes and listened to his heartbeat. "Just thinking."
He had an idea about what she was thinking and sighed, "... Another vision?"
The Oracle took a deep breath and started, "Yeah, and as you already know, I can't talk about it."
"I know, I know... Is it that bad?" Noctis inquired.
Lillian nodded, and he sighed heavily. He didn't want to think about the future but from how somber Lillian looked every time she had a vision it just made him nervous. But he knew that as the future king, he had to be strong for everyone's sake. To avoid ruining the mood, Noctis changed the subject, asking, "So, when do you think Nyx is coming?" He will worry about their future later; for now, he will enjoy every moment.
When he mentioned her best friend's name, her smile returned, "Certainly around noon. I intend to heal as many Daemons as I can," she stated with a determined tone.
"I know you will," he chuckled, lovingly caressing her hair.
Lillian glanced at the report Ignis had left on the coffee table; they could review it tomorrow. "Do you wanna watch a movie?" It was still too early to go to bed.
"Sure. Any suggestions?"
"I heard 'Wolf Children: Ame and Yuki' is pretty good!"
"If you say so," with that, Noctis and Lillian moved to her room. After turning on her laptop and getting comfortable on her bed, the couple started the movie.
***************
A/N: And there you have it! It took me a while to write this one, and I'm happy with it.
The series Noctis was watching was "Alice in Borderland." I was watching the 2nd season- which was a masterpiece by the way, then thought to myself to include it here.
'Wolf Children: Ame and Yuki' is one of my favorite films, and I figured that it was the perfect movie for them to watch.
I'm planning on writing more one-shots of Lilly and Noct's life together before their journey.
Thank you for taking the time to read this, and have a fantastic day/night!
#final fantasy 15#final fantasy xv#video games#fanfiction#noctis lucis caelum#ffxv noctis#original female character#lillian nox fleuret#established relationship#fluff#romance#ignis scientia#ffxv ignis#before the fall of insomnia#mentioned nyx ulric#prompto argentum#gladiolus amicitia#oneshot
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okay. got some amount of normal sleep lol. still playing it safe with the taking, felix can loop everyone else in, only action item for me whenver I actually get up is actually remember to check livlyb island actively and straight up hey anjer
please just tell me how many days it's been since i logged in and literally in any way get me the ipa transcription of your name lmao like i don't even know what to do with the j ya feel me. not posting shit here until i hear back from you lol
lemme just grab the most recent picture of my island i can find lol literally none of this is a secret. oh my god actually let me just get one of the random fucking cards lol at this point it's pretty clear why I've been keeping y the same aesthetic with minimal changes fuckin. literally anyone send me requests will prioritze anjer (there's a hard limit of 200 so don't like. start flooding it or anything) and to be clear, open invitation only for random tumblr peopl, if you know me irl at all fuckin identify yourself in some way
there. that works lol
okay. wait until i connect with anjer. Just gonna link this in the discord i guess. will clean up my friends list. after that feel free to send random requests vaguely identifying yourself and use the word tumblr fucking somewhere. cool lol. appreciate y'all. anjer hit me up. only reading on tumblr until then. peace ✌
#quite literally had to go cough it out in n the bathroom#yeah no way I'm gonna get that close ever again but let's not push it lol#not worrying about typing but yeah defintely not pressuring myself to talk out loud lolol#yeah. catch up later. gonna go fuck around playing pokemon go with dad later#Hopefully I fall asleep before then lol but given my sleep patterns probably not lolol#insomnia was literally unmedicated adhd the entire time lol literally just need to get back on a normal schedule#catch up later y'all. bye#livly island#stand by lol
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alright here's a silly headcanon for yall
Eddie routinely takes an after lunch nap every Sunday when the Post Office is closed.
It's such a habit now that he always gets quite sleepy after lunch anytime of the week. But he only naps on Sundays. It's unprofessional to sleep on the job ya know. /lh /silly
#this hc was brought to you by a naptime enthusiast#Eddie deserves a good nap you guys#hes just a baby 😭<3#it also plays into my Eddie Has Insomnia headcanon#poor fella needs some sleep#i imagine he Did fall asleep once during the week#he thankfully woke up right before his lunch break ended but he was so upset by his unprofessional behavior /silly#he got over it dont worry but know he's extra careful to keep himself busy so he doesn't fall asleep again#*now#welcome home#eddie dear#typing out loud#Eddie Nap Edition
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Legit idk how I did it but I have in fact quit drugging myself to sleep
#''drugging'' aka a few sips of chamomile and valerian tea#but it's like ten years since i started using some version of that to get to sleep#which was amazing because for the first time (especially when moki told me to add valerian) i could lay down in bed#and Know i would fall asleep. not a guarantee ever before even when i was tiny#but now for about a month i've been able to lay down in bed and Know i will fall asleep under my own power#not dependent on anything outside me#and besides a few days of pms insomnia and the night before my dissertation defense#i have truly fallen asleep and slept well and deeply every night#and every night builds my confidence and makes me a little better at chasing sleep on purpose#hey! burnout is good for something! God forbid i waste the chance to maximize and optimize my burnout
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and today we observe a phenomenon scientists have dubbed the flan boy effect
#ladies…… best friend number one clowned herself#she spent two months shipping me with him and then all of a sudden 🕳️🚶🏻♀️ she fell headlong for him#which is by the way!!! not the first time this has happened#the last boy she liked she also spent several weeks shipping with bestie number two before falling for him herself#anyway! here we are and the flan boy effect is described as follows:#sudden uncontrollable giddiness and lightness. insomnia and uncontrollable flutterings of the chest#she’s going through it#and part of me wants to be like oh honey I KNOW what it’s like to like that boy#but of course that’s still a secret (and one I’ll take to my grave if possible) so it was more a case of I FREAKING KNEW IT#I just KNEW from the first time she talked to me about him last summer that she was going to walk herself right into another thing#it just took longer to cook this time#and also! an important emotion I’m experiencing is relief because whatever happened I was absolutely NOT#going to be in a love triangle with my best friend#so thank god — THANK GOD — I no longer like him#however because of her crush on him I’ll have an irl space to yap about him which I do enjoy. it must be said.#but yeah. what a way to start the year 🤠#elly's posts#🍮
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im stressing myself out thinking im gonna start experiencing some majorly terrible side effect from the zoloft akljsldkfjsdfs thus far i just had nausea while trying to sleep last night, which came and went (and woke me up a few times) but was mostly tolerable, but im so freaked out about possibly experiencing major symptoms im making my body have a physical reaction which is. not helping because i cant tell if its from the zoloft or not halkjflskdfjslkdj
#i just feel tense and a bit. eh. not jittery. but something#my hand is twitching a lil but it was doing that a few days ago before i started the zoloft so. thats probably anxiety#ive felt pretty much fine this whole day tbh. a little heavy maybe??#when i first woke up there was a bit of heaviness/an ache in my head/back of my head but that went away#do i feel weak??? ....not sure#maybe the heaviness is just fatigue??? is that what fatigue is???#to be fair even without the nausea last night ive been having a bout of insomnia for the past few nights anyways#like i go to bed at midnight and don't actually fall asleep until like 4am#and then wake up periodically#so some of this could just be from that.... idk#i dont remember what it was like when i started the anti anxiety/depression meds i was on before....#i have a vague recollection of nausea so bad i just slept through an entire day#and didn't eat a lot for a week#but i dont remember when that happened or if it was medication related or not
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god please let me sleep a full uninterrupted night tonight or I will do something about it. amen
#i gotta stop saying kms sorry#but i cant take this anymoreeeee tbh#im 99% sure its the modafinil. i already have insomnia but then after i finally fall asleep i cant stay asleep for more than 5 hours#and then i cant fall back asleep. its been almsot 2 weeks of this. i cant do it anymore. my fatigue is WORSE NOW bc im not sleeping enough#which. the medication is literally supposed to be helping with. the literal thing its supposed to be helping is worse now#and he said it would help with my adhd. it is not. my focus and motivation are exactly where they were before. as is my fatigue#the only difference is now i have even more sleep problems. but i cant get any other adhd meds theyre all out of stock#i cant fucking fall asleep AS IT IS and this has made it so much worse and i have to drug myself even more heavily to sleep#which makes me More Tired the next day. on top of the lack of sleep. i cant do it#mia.txt
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have not slept a single second tonight because my body has decided the conditions on my friends’ couch are not 100% optimal for me to get any rest, so now i gotta drive home in about an hour and hope i don’t die so that i can sleep in my bed
#insomnia you are my number one enemy all the time#i just wanna like… sleep normally again#be able to fall asleep before 2-3am every night#please that would be lovely
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I love you nose spray. I love you tea with honey. I love you throat lozenge. I love you paracetamol. I love you vicks vaporub. I love you cough syrup. I love you and thank you for keeping the devil at bay 🥰😘❤️
#still have loads of brainfog but at least im not conked out !#also im p sure this cured my insomnia. i fall asleep before 2am now what the fu ck#rolo posts
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Despite all odds, I have arrived home safely👍
Turns out that the earlier goop was the better goop. The adderall goop. The adderall has worn off now though. So I am. Very incredibly out of it.
But I am home. And I will take my quick shower. And then I will climb into bed.
I do need to eat. But... later...
#speculation nation#im the special kind of tired where im more tired than hungry#which is to say my every cell is yelling at me to get some fucking sleep.#and i dont think id be much more successful at eating rn than i was this morning.#i ate. half a can of chef boyardee. which was half bc i was so focused on typing and half bc i could barely stomach it.#so i at least ate Something. but not as much as normal.#i did have an ensure in the middle of the day. so theres some nutrients too at least.#i'll eat after i get a few hours of sleep. when the edge is no longer so desperate.#and hopefully i'll be able to stomach things better then.#honestly have all nighters always been this hard or am i just getting older? i havent actually pulled an all nighter since uhhh#well there was kind of one on dead dad day. but that day sucked just in general.#last time i think was april '23 when i read t.rimax volume 9-14 within a 24 hour period while also finishing a final presentation.#even then tho i got like 2 hours of sleep. it was still pretty rough though.#like ok i guess those times were pretty awful and also i did get at least some sleep. which is more than today.#so it makes sense for me to be in worse shape rn. i also didnt get as much sleep the night before last as i wanted to#i got... ...maybe 4 hours sleep??? ummm. which isnt a good thing actuslly. no wonder im so fucking exhausted.#i can barely type right now i will be honest. it was so hard to bike home. it took all my focus to not drive off a bridge#or get pushed into traffic by wind. oh boy the wind sure did try.#then i almost tripped down the stairs at my apartment after grabbing the mail bc i Briefly was focused on my mail 🙄#barely present. total mess. but at least im home. and i already did all the thinking i need to do today.#i was brave. i perservered. i was tempted to give up around 6 am ish but i was like No. this is getting done TODAY.#so i did it. i turned it in. and i so bravely did my in class work for my 2nd class. even though i was so mentally not present the whole way#i did my thinking... i am home... rest soon.#actually its kind of funny im lying on my couch rn and i think if most other ppl were in my current state theyd fall asleep right here.#but the power of my insomnia is so. powerful. i am not at risk of falling asleep without meaning to.#only time thats ever actually happened are like. a handful of times i was like. the most tired ive ever been in my life. etc etc.#in fact idk how well i'll be able to fall asleep for my nap. i certainly couldnt last night despite how hard i tried.#hopefully this time... i am truly tired enough....pls i need to rest i am so tired 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
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I keep jolting awake and every time I do there is so much fear in my heart and I honestly don't know why
#I mean I definitely have had bad insomnia before but this just feels different#it took forever to fall asleep. I think what little sleep I got was dreamless#but I'm waking up every 30-60 minutes as if there's something wrong#I think I'm hallucinating bugs on the walls. cuz almost every time I've woken up I've either seen them or felt that they were there#but as soon as I become a little more aware I realize there's nothing there#I'm so tired and I feel so insane. I just want to sleep but whats the point. I'm not resting at all#even if I go to sleep now I know I'll be back up in abt 45 minutes probably convinced something is watching me#and I'd rather just be aware and of sound mind instead
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Okay last OC post I've already indulged myself enough today with my many many OC essays. Anyways Maggie can't dream </3 Part of her weirdass soul is that like... the reconnection of both halves (It wasn't equal halves, about 2/3rds of her soul went into Margaret, the other third was the ghost-of-a-ghost left behind) didn't really... work... properly. That's the cause of her worsening issues, both portions of her soul are constantly freaking out (Not to mention that souls grow over time when alive, the piece that made up Margaret is bigger than it was when Maggie died). Part of that is in her ability to dream, or lack thereof. She's only able to dream in memories, typically getting either the memory of her murder (Horrifying, violent, and extremely traumatic), or random memories of Margaret's life (While not violent, this is still really horrifying to Maggie, because this essentially proves that Margaret was her own person, and therefore she feels like someone died to bring her back to life)
#my OCs#Maggieeeee maggie my beloved. girl please SLEEP#she had insomnia before (depression + ghosts that pester her + she just. likes being up at night)#but now its even worseeee to the extent shes just. not sleeping. if she stands still for too long she'll literally fall asleep#SHE GETS BETTER this entire thing with Maggie is that She Gets Better.#Her insomnia never like. goes AWAY. but it goes from 'sleeping maybe 1-2 hours each night' to '4-5 hours a night + midday nap'#esp because once her soul heals properly she can have normal dreams again#Part of the reason Jenna moves in with her is because Maggie genuinely cant sleep alone anymore#she NEEDS to have someone in the house with her to sleep#Jenna being there instantly makes it easier- albeit its still not EASY by any means- for her to sleep bc she knows she wont be alone#turns out getting murdered when home alone at night kinda fucks w your ability to feel safe. whoops
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literally what the FUCK!!!! is going on w my insomnia recently. like it’s always been bad but it hasn’t been this bad this often in a long time. as of this moment, saturday, 4:24 am cst, i’ve been awake for 44.5 hours straight & counting. the week before last i was up for 71 consecutive hours. when i finally fell asleep after running on 90 min of sleep for those 3 fuckin days, i woke up three hrs later!! what the FUCK!!!! chronic insomnia can suck my dick and balls and thank me for it i am so over it. and YES i see the fucking irony that it rears its ugly head after i read/annotated fight club over n over for 10 hrs straight on thurs. it’ll be very haha laugh funny once my body knocks this shit off. fuckin hell. (i will update)
#ive had chronic insomnia since i was a kid but that doesnt make it easier to deal with lol#like. i just lie in bed with the lights off no music no sounds close my eyes n try to sleep#no distractions no NOTHIN#and i cross my fingers i fuckin fall asleep before i collapse and die lol#this is why when i read fight club for the first time 10 yrs ago#it was validating to hear abt someone else dealing w it so i was like ‘im literally the narrator’#bc insomnia is literal hell at times it’s not fun cooky quirky it’s debilitating!#where’s a testicular cancer support group when u need one 😵💫#and i didnt see the fight club movie until like. a year after i read the book LMAO#and before anyone replies like ‘thats rly serious’ or ‘have u tried ____?’ i know! and i prob have#like no this is not normal people behavior but this is my normal behavior it’s just more intense rn lol#i have a tendency to stay awake thru sleep medications lmao#ok disclaimers r done! whew#ty posts!!!!!!#ty posts
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Insomnia fucking sucks so so much. I would say I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, but I am a pretty vindictive bitch and would in fact get off to the thought of someone who wronged me having to go through this
#idk if it's technically insomnia or just a permanently fucked circadian rhythm but i have to start getting up early and literally can't-#make myself fall asleep before 5 AM. I tried Tylenol PM i tried melatonin NOTHING works#the anxiety of knowing I'm losing precious sleep that I'm already deprived of with every passing minute is pure genuine anguish#and the more sleep i lose the more insane and weak i feel. but not weak enough to just pass out already ig#textpost#ash rants
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I got maybe 5 hours of sleep last night and my brain is not functioning. It’s been a little bit since I had an episode where i couldn’t sleep (they sometimes last a day or two where i only get a couple hours of sleep) and it is not good
#yes I’ve tried melatonin#yes I put my phone down#no I didn’t eat sugar before bed#I’ve tried telling my doctor that I might have insomnia but they said it wasn’t bad enough#I woke up last night around 4:50 am and didn’t really go back to sleep#i usually wake up once or twice for a few minutes before falling back asleep#but sometimes I wake up once and I stay awake for hours while still resting my eyes
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Slept an entire 7 hours. Still exhusted

#I've been trying to get to bed every night before 12 the last two weeks and I've been pretty good at it#expect if I dont knock myself out with melatonin and magnesium early enough it takes an hour to actually fall asleep#and wake up in the middle of the night multiple times#and not being able to fall back asleep so only getting 3hrs of sleep 😍 I love insomnia#ren's rambles
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