#before the fall of insomnia
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A Day Off
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy XV.
OC: Lillian Nox Fleuret is the third princess of Tenebrae and the youngest sister of Ravus and Lunafreya. She is an Oracle. Following the attack on the Fenestala Manor, King Regis rescues Noctis and Lillian and takes them back to Insomnia. She and Noctis grew up together in the Citadel before moving to the apartment in their first year of high school. Their friendship blossomed into love over the years, and after realizing their feelings for each other, they began dating.
This takes place two years before the game. Both Lillian and Noctis are 18.
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M.E. July, 754.
"Noct... Noct! Get up. We need to clean your room before Ignis comes." Lillian announced after knocking on the still-sleeping prince's door and inviting herself.
Noctis groaned and snuggled deeper in his blanket. He mumbled a few incoherent words then the room fell into silence again. Lillian sighed and refrained from jumping on him and dragging him out of bed, "Wake up It's afternoon, Your Highness." she tried not to trip on the piles of clothes thrown on the ground and went to open the window.
A hand got out of the covers and patted blindly around it. Once he found his phone, he switched it on. Lillian sat on the bed and looked around her. The prince opened one eye, read "13:56," and then put his phone next to his pillow. He sat up after removing the blanket from his face, "'morning, sleepy-head." Lillian chuckled at his bed hair. She let her fingers tangle in his messy locks and started fixing them. He grunted a greeting and leaned closer to her as she gently combed his hair. It was a habit that he loved. Moments like these made him forget all about his responsibilities and bask in her calming scent.
"I told you to sleep early... Have you completed watching season two yet?" He had told her that he had started the second season, and they made a bet whether he could finish it in a single day.
Eight episodes. Each episode is an hour long. It was safe to say that he had won the bet.
With his eyes still closed, Noctis grinned. "Yup. All of it. Slept at four am... I feel like shit, but it's worth it," he finished with a yawn. His voice is still deep with sleep.
The Oracle shook her head at the prince. He can be silly sometimes. "Don't do that again, please. You look lifeless," she removed her hand from his hair, and he pouted in protest, "Now get your ass up. Ignis is coming at five, and we still need to clean your room."
"Right," he sighed, then smiled, "can I get a 'good morning' kiss?" He tugged at her sleeve, his other hand reaching for her face, cupping her cheek.
Lillian chuckled, then planted a soft kiss on his forehead, making his heart flutter. He sighed happily. Truly, nothing made him happier than these peaceful moments with his princess. He watched silently as she gave him a small smile before getting up from his bed.
"Your breakfast is on the dining table. I'll go get the cleaning supplies that we need." She tied her hair up so it wouldn't bother her during the cleaning. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Noctis finally getting up, running his hand through his hair, and stretching. She left Noctis' room and went to the kitchen when she realized her first mission of the day, waking him up, was complete.
Looking through the cabinets, she gathered several plastic bags for all the trash lying on his bedroom floor. Just as she pulled out a cleaning detergent, Noctis entered the kitchen, rubbing his eyes as he sat on the dining table's chair. "Thanks for the food, Lilly," he said with a smile, before eating the pancakes.
"Hm? Oh! No problem, Noct," She said dismissively, waving her hand. With the supplies in her hold, she went to start the cleaning.
"I'll be right there once I'm finished," he called over his shoulder.
"Okay!" Was her reply.
He sat there, chewing on the chocolate-covered pancakes, then his thoughts drifted to Lillian. Ever since Ignis reprimanded and threatened to take him back to the citadel, Lillian volunteered to help him. Well, in this case, help Ignis since he was the one who would usually clean up after him.
"Ignis already has enough on his plate," Lillian said one time, "You shouldn't make his life miserable with your mess!"
Noctis promised her to try to keep his room as clean as he could because he felt guilty and didn't want to be separated from Lillian — who would stay in the apartment while he went back to the citadel. Emphasis on Try... He just couldn't help it! He tried but failed. All the royal training and political reports made him neglect to tidy his bedroom.
Once he finished, he got up and downed the strawberry smoothie. Ignis had asked Lillian to keep an eye on Noctis' dietary habits. He hated vegetables, but he hated upsetting Lillian even more. And so he ate every meal she prepared for him. He also noticed how she tried to make the greens delicious for him. She was constantly coming up with new recipes that included vegetables to make eating them more fun for him.
He adored her so much for doing this.
He cleaned his cup and plate, then hurried off to his room. He was greeted with the sight of a full laundry basket containing all the clothes he had tossed around.
When Lillian noticed his arrival, she handed him a garbage bag and said, "I'm gonna put these clothes in the washing machine," she then hoisted the hamper by its handles and added, "This is the last time you bring food here, understand?" She spoke with a stern tone that caused Noctis to avert his eyes sheepishly.
He nodded, "Understood."
Soon after that, she left, leaving him to his task. The young man looked around his room, empty packages of several snacks and bottles of juices scattered all over the floor and the desk. He glanced at the digital clock next to his laptop, "2: 13 PM," less than three hours remained until Ignis arrived. Thankfully, his room was not as wild as it used to be.
He nodded, ready to prove his independence to Ignis and Lillian. With this mindset, he began, starting with the floor, "Let's do this."
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Noctis proudly smiled as he admired his now sparkling clean room.
Lillian cleaned everything thoroughly, from the floors to the walls to the windows, and Noctis assisted her.
He turned to Lillian, her keen eyes looking for any spot they might have missed. Noctis draped his arm over her shoulders and pulled her close, side-hugging her, "Relax love," he chuckled, "The room is spotless. Even Iggy would be taken aback by how it looks."
Lillian returned the side hug by wrapping her arm around his back and nodded, "Yeah," she smiled when he kissed her temple and muttered a sweet 'thank you.'
"I promise to keep it as clean as possible. I won't let your work go to waste."
"That's right! Plus, we did it together, Noct," she looked up at him and smiled. She turned to the digital watch, "We still have thirty minutes before Iggy comes... Until then, I'm going to take a shower."
Earlier that day, she had cleaned her room and their living room, not that there was much to clean; she always kept things organized. And now, after cleaning Noctis' room, she was worn out. She figured a nice, hot shower would relax her muscles and clear her thoughts.
The prince smiled mischievously and said, "Mind if I join you?"
He faced her, hands moving to her hips as he pulled her flush against him. She blushed, and he smirked; He loved teasing her.
"No, I don't mind," she said, smirking at his surprised expression. Pushing away from him, she made her way to the bathroom. "You'd better hurry, though. We don't have much time."
Noctis looked at the doorway. He chuckled; she had caught him off guard. He didn't expect her to agree. With a cheeky smile on his face, he rushed after her.
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Ignis raised an eyebrow at the flushed face of the young princess and the prince's satisfied smile and decided not to ask about whatever had happened. Something told him that he was better off not knowing.
He nodded in approval after touring the apartment and then placed a folder on the coffee table.
"This is a report on the current situation between Insomnia and Niflheim, have a look at it later," Ignis then turned to Lillian, "Nyx asked me to let you know that he'll drop by tomorrow."
She smiled in excitement, "Alright!" It had been two weeks since she had seen the Kingsglaive, and she had missed him. Helping the Glaives around Insomnia's borders was a job she loved; she always looked forward to it. According to Libertus, she had made their life much easier by taking care of the Daemons and them fighting off the imperial army.
Ignis smiled at her enthusiasm and glanced at Noctis who was looking curiously at a bag he had set down on their kitchen counter.
"I had time earlier and decided to bake some desserts," the advisor adjusted his glasses, "I'll take my leave now-"
He was cut off by Lillian, a frown on her face, "What?! You can't leave just yet! I'm going to make us some coffee and eat the dessert together, so please take a seat," and with that, she went to prepare their drinks.
Noctis looked at the princess, a look of admiration on his face. The sun was setting, and the apartment was bathed in orange rays giving it a cozy atmosphere. A gentle smile on his face as he watched her prepare cups and a plate to display the pastries. The comforting smell of the coffee filled the air, and Noctis exhaled a contented sigh. He wanted to hold on to these moments when nothing mattered and the whole world seemed tranquil.
Ignis cleared his throat, snapping Noctis out of his reverie. They both took a seat at the dining table, and Lillian joined them after bringing them the food.
"This tastes amazing!" Noctis exclaimed as he took a bite, "But something is missing...right, Lilly?"
She nodded, "Yeah, it almost tastes like the one we had in Tenebrae," she hummed in delight and added, "This tastes so good! This is what happiness tastes like," she giggled, and Noctis nodded his head in agreement.
Ignis sighed slightly in disappointment before taking a bite. At least he was close this time. He watched silently as Lillian and Noctis chatted about some series he had stayed up late to watch. He listened to them and made a few comments here and there. The trio kept talking about random topics until Ignis checked his watch and told them that he had to leave.
After wearing his shoes, he turned them, "I'm glad to see that you're doing well. I'll return in two days to go over the report with you."
"Right," the prince said as he leaned against the wall, "Thanks for the dessert, Iggy," he said with a small smile.
Ignis nodded and then addressed the princess, "Be careful tomorrow, alright?"
"I will. Don't worry," Lillian assured him.
"Good. Have a good night, then," and with that, Ignis left.
Noctis locked the front door and followed Lillian into the kitchen.
"Maybe we should leave these to Prompto..." She muttered as she placed the pastries in a paper bag before putting them in the fridge.
He took their empty cups to the sink and washed them. "I'll invite him over for some gaming tomorrow."
The young Oracle sat on the sofa and sighed. She watched Noctis dry his hands with a paper towel before sitting beside her. He opened his arm, and she rested her head on his chest, his arm hugging her frame as he placed his head on top of hers. His other hand sought hers and intertwined them.
"Are you all right?" Noctis spoke softly after a moment of silence.
"Mmhmm," she closed her eyes and listened to his heartbeat. "Just thinking."
He had an idea about what she was thinking and sighed, "... Another vision?"
The Oracle took a deep breath and started, "Yeah, and as you already know, I can't talk about it."
"I know, I know... Is it that bad?" Noctis inquired.
Lillian nodded, and he sighed heavily. He didn't want to think about the future but from how somber Lillian looked every time she had a vision it just made him nervous. But he knew that as the future king, he had to be strong for everyone's sake. To avoid ruining the mood, Noctis changed the subject, asking, "So, when do you think Nyx is coming?" He will worry about their future later; for now, he will enjoy every moment.
When he mentioned her best friend's name, her smile returned, "Certainly around noon. I intend to heal as many Daemons as I can," she stated with a determined tone.
"I know you will," he chuckled, lovingly caressing her hair.
Lillian glanced at the report Ignis had left on the coffee table; they could review it tomorrow. "Do you wanna watch a movie?" It was still too early to go to bed.
"Sure. Any suggestions?"
"I heard 'Wolf Children: Ame and Yuki' is pretty good!"
"If you say so," with that, Noctis and Lillian moved to her room. After turning on her laptop and getting comfortable on her bed, the couple started the movie.
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A/N: And there you have it! It took me a while to write this one, and I'm happy with it.
The series Noctis was watching was "Alice in Borderland." I was watching the 2nd season- which was a masterpiece by the way, then thought to myself to include it here.
'Wolf Children: Ame and Yuki' is one of my favorite films, and I figured that it was the perfect movie for them to watch.
I'm planning on writing more one-shots of Lilly and Noct's life together before their journey.
Thank you for taking the time to read this, and have a fantastic day/night!
#final fantasy 15#final fantasy xv#video games#fanfiction#noctis lucis caelum#ffxv noctis#original female character#lillian nox fleuret#established relationship#fluff#romance#ignis scientia#ffxv ignis#before the fall of insomnia#mentioned nyx ulric#prompto argentum#gladiolus amicitia#oneshot
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alright here's a silly headcanon for yall
Eddie routinely takes an after lunch nap every Sunday when the Post Office is closed.
It's such a habit now that he always gets quite sleepy after lunch anytime of the week. But he only naps on Sundays. It's unprofessional to sleep on the job ya know. /lh /silly
#this hc was brought to you by a naptime enthusiast#Eddie deserves a good nap you guys#hes just a baby 😭<3#it also plays into my Eddie Has Insomnia headcanon#poor fella needs some sleep#i imagine he Did fall asleep once during the week#he thankfully woke up right before his lunch break ended but he was so upset by his unprofessional behavior /silly#he got over it dont worry but know he's extra careful to keep himself busy so he doesn't fall asleep again#*now#welcome home#eddie dear#typing out loud#Eddie Nap Edition
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god please let me sleep a full uninterrupted night tonight or I will do something about it. amen
#i gotta stop saying kms sorry#but i cant take this anymoreeeee tbh#im 99% sure its the modafinil. i already have insomnia but then after i finally fall asleep i cant stay asleep for more than 5 hours#and then i cant fall back asleep. its been almsot 2 weeks of this. i cant do it anymore. my fatigue is WORSE NOW bc im not sleeping enough#which. the medication is literally supposed to be helping with. the literal thing its supposed to be helping is worse now#and he said it would help with my adhd. it is not. my focus and motivation are exactly where they were before. as is my fatigue#the only difference is now i have even more sleep problems. but i cant get any other adhd meds theyre all out of stock#i cant fucking fall asleep AS IT IS and this has made it so much worse and i have to drug myself even more heavily to sleep#which makes me More Tired the next day. on top of the lack of sleep. i cant do it#mia.txt
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have not slept a single second tonight because my body has decided the conditions on my friends’ couch are not 100% optimal for me to get any rest, so now i gotta drive home in about an hour and hope i don’t die so that i can sleep in my bed
#insomnia you are my number one enemy all the time#i just wanna like… sleep normally again#be able to fall asleep before 2-3am every night#please that would be lovely
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instead of do school i was diagnosed with draw sad gladnis art instead
#gladnis#gladio amicitia#ignis scientia#ffxv#inspired by an idea about gladio being told beforehand that insomnia would fall during their trip#and then him telling ignis on the beach in galdin that evening#figuring out their emotions around it before having to tell noct and prompto the next morning
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Okay but genuinely, if anyone has advice for falling asleep better I would really appreciate it because I am not going to be able to get through the semester like this.
(Someone in the notes of my other post suggested breathing exercises, I have noted it and am keeping it in mind.)
#My insomnia got much better with a weighted blanket but it's getting bad again#I'm pretty sure the blanket *is* still helping and that without it this would've been the kind of night where I just didn't#fall asleep at all#but something else still needs to improve#I did go to bed early (ish. Not extremely early but an okay hour) and I wasn't over-caffeinated or anything!#Personal#Genuinely considering sleeping pills; my parents told me I shouldn't get them because the side effects aren't worth it when I brought it up#to them before#but sleep would be worth it
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I love you nose spray. I love you tea with honey. I love you throat lozenge. I love you paracetamol. I love you vicks vaporub. I love you cough syrup. I love you and thank you for keeping the devil at bay 🥰😘❤️
#still have loads of brainfog but at least im not conked out !#also im p sure this cured my insomnia. i fall asleep before 2am now what the fu ck#rolo posts
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Nobody talk to me someone washed my comfort blanket (that I cannot sleep without) without asking me first and used detergent that I am allergic to (when it touches my face it burns in a weird tingly way a little bit and having it on the rest of my skin for longer than like 5 minutes makes me insanely itchy for hours after)
#he lost his scent ☹️#they were trying to do me a favour but man 😔😔😔#i am now faced with the decision of not being able to fall asleep because I can’t have my blanket or because I am insanely itchy#I think I’m gonna try to live through the itchy mess#maybe if I fall asleep super fast I’ll fall asleep before it gets bad?#who am I kidding I have insomnia that’s not happening
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Despite all odds, I have arrived home safely👍
Turns out that the earlier goop was the better goop. The adderall goop. The adderall has worn off now though. So I am. Very incredibly out of it.
But I am home. And I will take my quick shower. And then I will climb into bed.
I do need to eat. But... later...
#speculation nation#im the special kind of tired where im more tired than hungry#which is to say my every cell is yelling at me to get some fucking sleep.#and i dont think id be much more successful at eating rn than i was this morning.#i ate. half a can of chef boyardee. which was half bc i was so focused on typing and half bc i could barely stomach it.#so i at least ate Something. but not as much as normal.#i did have an ensure in the middle of the day. so theres some nutrients too at least.#i'll eat after i get a few hours of sleep. when the edge is no longer so desperate.#and hopefully i'll be able to stomach things better then.#honestly have all nighters always been this hard or am i just getting older? i havent actually pulled an all nighter since uhhh#well there was kind of one on dead dad day. but that day sucked just in general.#last time i think was april '23 when i read t.rimax volume 9-14 within a 24 hour period while also finishing a final presentation.#even then tho i got like 2 hours of sleep. it was still pretty rough though.#like ok i guess those times were pretty awful and also i did get at least some sleep. which is more than today.#so it makes sense for me to be in worse shape rn. i also didnt get as much sleep the night before last as i wanted to#i got... ...maybe 4 hours sleep??? ummm. which isnt a good thing actuslly. no wonder im so fucking exhausted.#i can barely type right now i will be honest. it was so hard to bike home. it took all my focus to not drive off a bridge#or get pushed into traffic by wind. oh boy the wind sure did try.#then i almost tripped down the stairs at my apartment after grabbing the mail bc i Briefly was focused on my mail 🙄#barely present. total mess. but at least im home. and i already did all the thinking i need to do today.#i was brave. i perservered. i was tempted to give up around 6 am ish but i was like No. this is getting done TODAY.#so i did it. i turned it in. and i so bravely did my in class work for my 2nd class. even though i was so mentally not present the whole way#i did my thinking... i am home... rest soon.#actually its kind of funny im lying on my couch rn and i think if most other ppl were in my current state theyd fall asleep right here.#but the power of my insomnia is so. powerful. i am not at risk of falling asleep without meaning to.#only time thats ever actually happened are like. a handful of times i was like. the most tired ive ever been in my life. etc etc.#in fact idk how well i'll be able to fall asleep for my nap. i certainly couldnt last night despite how hard i tried.#hopefully this time... i am truly tired enough....pls i need to rest i am so tired 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
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#dont call anyone im safe im fine im just venting. tw for suicide/self harm/kind of intense language. ideally no ones reading this tho#bro i cant keep living like this#i dread waking up every day so much that i dread even falling asleep#i got insomnia medication in my system and my brain is still like nope absolutely not#i cant keep up at my job even when i am rested enough#i get headaches every other day#my instant mental reaction in the face of stress is to hurt myself (i have not)#like fuck. i work for the disability department of an insurance company#i know for a fact that (probably) every contract stipulates we wont cover disabilities as a result of self inflicted injuries#which is supposed to prevent ppl from taking advantage of the system or whatever#and im always like if someone goes to the lengths of actively injuring themselves to the point of disability#in the name of 'getting out of work'#that person is not 'taking advantage of the system' THAT PERSON IS FUCKING MENTALLY ILL#AND I WOULD KNOW BC I AM ONE OF THOSE PPL#do not come for me on some shit about wanting to disable yourself being morally questionable i cant be concerned abt that rn#i gotta focus on the fact that i hate my life so much id rather break my own right hand than continue it#its an improvement from the active suicidal ideation but its still a symptom of the passive ideation#fucking hell. im too self aware so i absolutely feel like im faking it or making shit up so i can be lazy and not work and whatever#but FUCKING CHRIST theres no way. if i had a choice i wouldnt let myself feel like this.#i just got to a point where i can live alone and support myself. i was so happy and so proud of myself. I don't want to lose that#but god every phone call i have to make for work makes me want to hurt myself. every early morning (and there arent many!!! i mostly work#from home!!!) makes me wish i was dead. i have to sleep for hours after work more often than not. i cant really maintain my living space#theres fucking. mold and discoloration and shit on a bunch of my clothes and some of my bags and shit!!#cause i cant fucking keep my room clean and my basement apartment got fucking humid over the summer and so much moisture got trapped#i constantly have dirty dishes getting moldy before i get to them#i just dont have the fucking energy. i want to take better care of my space. i want to be more social. i just want to go to sleep without#fucking dreading waking up. i wanna go a full week without a headache. i want my stress response to be something other than the intense and#overwhelming desire to cut myself. if i start again i dont know if ill be able to stop and i know i wont be able to keep it to my arms/legs/#easily hidden parts of my body. last breakdown i escalated to my face and i know ill pick up from there.#fuck
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im so... shmeepy...
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
#txt#i bet he was so tired and that nap was eveerything to him in thst moment#whenever im tired i think abt my fav characters/people sleeping and its awesome its actually so awesome#and sometimes instead... esp during the morning#i just imagine myself cozy in bed and reading a book. and slowly turning the pages... before going to sleep#i blink and nearly fall asleep at school all the time lol#did you know mr president had insomnia? yeah#us presidents#this picture of hin reminds me of when i was a kid... and how i fell asleep on the night coach to glasgow#except i didnt have nearly as much space#im going to sleep soon
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I keep jolting awake and every time I do there is so much fear in my heart and I honestly don't know why
#I mean I definitely have had bad insomnia before but this just feels different#it took forever to fall asleep. I think what little sleep I got was dreamless#but I'm waking up every 30-60 minutes as if there's something wrong#I think I'm hallucinating bugs on the walls. cuz almost every time I've woken up I've either seen them or felt that they were there#but as soon as I become a little more aware I realize there's nothing there#I'm so tired and I feel so insane. I just want to sleep but whats the point. I'm not resting at all#even if I go to sleep now I know I'll be back up in abt 45 minutes probably convinced something is watching me#and I'd rather just be aware and of sound mind instead
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going to a comedy open mic tomorrow mostly to watch my friends (it's at a cool venue that my improv troupe performs at once a month and a few improv troupe friends are doing standup there) but when these friends were asking if i'd be interested in coming they were like "btw there's usually a ton of open spots on show days if YOU want to do something... and they're not strict about it only being standup either, people have done character pieces and sketches etc like they embrace the weirdness... and they're not strict about time limits you could probably do anything between three and eight minutes... sometimes if there's not enough people signed up they'll even let you go twice..." and i'm like god damn it i thought i was gonna take a break from aubrey but this setup is like tailor made for an aubrey appearance lmao
#still on the fence about it bc the burnout i experienced at the beginning of may extended to aubrey#especially bc so much of my aubrey stuff is comedy about gender and my brain was more in ''set everything on fire'' mode#and i think i've gotten to a good place with that burnout but i still haven't worked on any aubrey stuff since i got home from college#but even still even tho my mental health is better than it was a few weeks ago#recently i have had this horrible insomnia where i haven't been able to fall asleep at night in over a week#(i've made up for it with naps but still i am not mentally 100% rn. i've tried so many things and nothing has worked.)#so that's my justification for *not* doing aubrey tomorrow. however.#i reeeally need to get more performance experience bc there's only so much you can develop a sketch character without performing them#and this venue is so good. it's an art gallery like an hour away that's designed to be part gallery and part performance venue#especially for comedy. like the venue owner is this veteran comedian who used to work with bobcat goldthwait and a lot of other big names#and it's a low-pressure environment bc everyone there has seen me do comedy before with my improv troupe#but they still haven't seen me do aubrey at all so it's bringing a new side of my comedy to some of my main collaborators#like this is so much better than my previous aubrey performances bc they were all either#1. shows in CLASSROOMS with a bunch of my classmates who generally don't get my comedy (very clique-ish)#or 2. a guest spot on a show at a coffee shop where everyone knew each other except me#plus the biggest thing for me is the lack of a strict time limit. like as much as having a good 3-minute monologue can be#i think aubrey is a character you need to get to know a bit longer than 3 minutes. and a lot of my stuff is long while also being very tigh#like not every monologue is like this but my best aubrey monologues are almost like aubrey is telling you a sitcom storyline#and removing too many lines makes the whole narrative jenga tower fall over#and as much as i want to figure out how to make every monologue a good starting point#having the chance to perform multiple monologues if i get to go twice so that they can build off each other would be perfect#idk i'm not sure how often the open mics are there. at least monthly tho i might be missing next month's depending on when i'm in toronto#so like this wouldn't really be my only chance. but yeah i'm on the fence about whether to bring aubrey back for a performance tomorrow#i probably wouldn't do new material. i'd do the 5 minute version of my uncle reg monologue bc it's the one that's worked best so far#and if i get to do multiple. maybe i'd do the ''nom de plum'' monologue bc i think it's also very strong#and it has a good callback to uncle reg#but idk i also think doing the song would be very fun and on-theme since it's pride month and the song is a satire of rainbow capitalism#tho i'd probably have to rework the monologue that leads into the song bc even tho i loved the concept i don't think i articulated it well#or i could write an entirely different lead-in and make the previous monologue (''C/H/M'') a separate thing to revise later#which would probably go better and somehow be less work to write. but even so i don't know what the venue's sound setup is
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Okay last OC post I've already indulged myself enough today with my many many OC essays. Anyways Maggie can't dream </3 Part of her weirdass soul is that like... the reconnection of both halves (It wasn't equal halves, about 2/3rds of her soul went into Margaret, the other third was the ghost-of-a-ghost left behind) didn't really... work... properly. That's the cause of her worsening issues, both portions of her soul are constantly freaking out (Not to mention that souls grow over time when alive, the piece that made up Margaret is bigger than it was when Maggie died). Part of that is in her ability to dream, or lack thereof. She's only able to dream in memories, typically getting either the memory of her murder (Horrifying, violent, and extremely traumatic), or random memories of Margaret's life (While not violent, this is still really horrifying to Maggie, because this essentially proves that Margaret was her own person, and therefore she feels like someone died to bring her back to life)
#my OCs#Maggieeeee maggie my beloved. girl please SLEEP#she had insomnia before (depression + ghosts that pester her + she just. likes being up at night)#but now its even worseeee to the extent shes just. not sleeping. if she stands still for too long she'll literally fall asleep#SHE GETS BETTER this entire thing with Maggie is that She Gets Better.#Her insomnia never like. goes AWAY. but it goes from 'sleeping maybe 1-2 hours each night' to '4-5 hours a night + midday nap'#esp because once her soul heals properly she can have normal dreams again#Part of the reason Jenna moves in with her is because Maggie genuinely cant sleep alone anymore#she NEEDS to have someone in the house with her to sleep#Jenna being there instantly makes it easier- albeit its still not EASY by any means- for her to sleep bc she knows she wont be alone#turns out getting murdered when home alone at night kinda fucks w your ability to feel safe. whoops
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cant get over the situation i was in this morning where i was chitchatting with a pair of regular patrons (the husband used to be on the board so like. we have to play nice with them always now) and mentioned having had some wicked insomnia last night . and the two of them repeatedly said "oh, you're too young for that stuff" like. carl. joan. do you think insomnia is exclusively decided by age?
#like i know elderly folks can GET insomnia when they havent had it before#but that is a circumstance that can actually happen to anybody#i slept like a fucking rock my whole life until i got covid and now i have insomnia issues#the ssri helped a LITTLE bit but i still have bad nights and i go to bed anxious all the time that one is incoming#yet i really cant predict when they'll happen#my mother's been insomniac since she was seven like. cmon#oh i fucking hate it when ppl point to some arbitrary ailment you have and say you're too young for it#like all that says to me is that the person saying it was lucky enough not to have anything really go wrong for them#health-wise . UNTIL they got old#so now they think only old people get health problems#no thats just your luck speaking actually most of us are falling apart daily
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im still not over the sleep thing one sec i gotta rant about this shit
#i think the problem now is that historically my sleep habits have been Really Messed Up by what can loosely be called insomnia my whole life#its always kinda just been a given that if im in bed and i cant sleep there is absolutely nothing that can be done to help#and thats not for lack of trying i have tried every meditation and suggested solution possible. it does not happen.#if i cant fall asleep and try to force myself w/o distractions i will be awake staring at the ceiling for hours. usually till the morning#thats not an exaggeration it happened often before i gave up on it. so i figured out coping methods!#namely 1) making sure my body is taken care of as well as possible to make sure its not caused by pain or hunger or anxiety#and 2) not trying to force it and accepting itll happen when it happens. and then reading a book or watching a show on a dim screen#until i physically cant keep my eyes open and then i can fall asleep. if i try any earlier than that no dice. my brain wakes itself up again#these worked for years! but now thanks to adhd meds that actually make my brain quiet. uh. these same coping methods are. not working#im physically tired and start my usual routine and wait to pass out while reading but i just. dont. ever.#like. the physically tired feeling has never made a difference in my body cooperating with sleep. but now apparently it will????#and ive been ignoring it??? bc im used to it not working? i tried just. closing my eyes and trying to lay still yesterday and it WORKED#after like. 10 minutes or so. it was fucking crazy. i thought media and pop culture was lying about people doing that.#anyways. apparently i can fall asleep like a human and not some kind of weird chronically exhausted cryptid now.#(because of new adhd meds to be clear) but i havent been because i didnt even think to TRY it. since. yknow. cryptid status.#shits weird.
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