#before i was encouraged to post it

[shivunin]

Happy anniversary to me and AO3!!

Here is the aforementioned more coherent post. I have divided it in two parts: a little note and a silly and self-indulgent section (affectionate) where I give some of my fics fun lil superlatives. I'll add a couple little factoids to the latter section, too, just for giggles.

But before all that: I'm not gonna get emotional this time, but I have greatly enjoyed writing Dragon Age fic. I told myself three things when I started, all of them comically incorrect now ("I'm only writing this one story," "I will never write a soulmate AU," and "I will never write a DA2 story; no way could I ever hold a candle to what already exists") and I am so, so glad I was wrong on all counts. I have grown so much as a writer because of fic and I have met some genuinely remarkable people. If you have ever commented, written something in the tags, kudo'd, or bookmarked anything I've written (and especially if you have ever sent me a writing prompt, bless you), from the bottom of my heart: thank you. It has been genuinely incredible to share my love of this series with y'all, and I can only hope you have felt as glad of the experience as I have.

That's really all you need to know---that I'm glad to know you, in whatever sense that means. Thanks for sticking around c:

(and thanks to Cullen for scrambling my brain so thoroughly that I am still doing this a year later when I swore it was just going to be the one story lol)

Anyways! (she says, setting up the cake and candles and kazoos even though the room is otherwise empty)---

I was thinking about what to do for this anniversary that only I am keeping track of, and I decided (because of a trip I took when I was sixteen, which I originally recounted here, but which has no bearing on any of this so I cut it) that it would be funny to give my fics their own imaginary certificates. You know, like participation trophies. For my own entertainment (only a few though; there are twenty-three of them, and that's too many awards). Awards follow:

Best Punch: Your Fate for Mine; after I finished Trespasser the first time, I really wanted to deck Solas, so I let Cullen do it for me. It's the best one because it was the most satisfying to write C: (fun fact also: bless him, my husband proofread all the smut in this fic for accuracy lmao. special side award to my husband for being the best)

Best Kiss: Wander the Drifting Roads; nothing has yet felt as satisfying to me as Emma and Cullen kissing in the rain after all that time. I think about it Often. Also I wrote the first draft of this fic in roughly a week and a half---which is why it needed so much editing later :)

Most Persistent: To the Bone; because I swear to whatever higher power is out there, I tried so hard not to write a soulmate story but Salshira would not be stopped. In the end, I couldn't let the idea go and well, here we are.

Specialest Baby: Tidal Lock; because it is my special baby and the first fic I ever completed. I have a soft spot for it, and oddly enough it has the highest kudos: bookmarks ratio of my works at over half. It was extremely fun to write Cullen as a kid (he is soooo serious) and (for me) there's such a pleasant full-circle element to the narrative.

Best Smut: More than Memory; this one is my imaginary people's choice award, since it was received far and away the best of any smut I've written. I think, and it's just my intuition here, that it's on account of all the yearning. But maybe it's actually cus Cullen is, as always, a hot, hot mess C:

Hyperfocus Award: This one's a tie between Misericordia and Saccharine. As soon as I knew what to write for both of them, I achieved that beautiful state of not noticing the passage of time, anyone around me, the existence of my physical body, nor any of my pressing irl tasks. I wrote both of these in a delightful fog and then came back to it later as if seeing it for the first time. Extremely nice experience, 10/10, would recommend.

Blue Ribbon, Gold Star: A Golden Bell Hung In My Heart; this one gets a special extra award because I think it's probably the best thing I've written so far (at least from a technical standpoint, but it has a lot of my favorite elements, as well). It's one of the few for which I knew what I was trying to write when I set out to write it, and I think I achieved it unequivocally. Also, you know. Presents :)

Tumblr Ficlet Award: lol I am not picking only one. Here're my top three ficlets, based on how pleased with myself I felt when I initially typed them out: Lock and Key (I loooooove a good hurt/comfort), A Fool and His Gold (love yearning, too), and A Bond Beheld (because it includes that knight/liege thing that makes the Cullen romance so!!!).

For posterity: Unless I finish this short fenris/hawke piece open in the other tab, my final word count last year is 516,937 which is....a shocking amount. I probably won't surpass that this year, which is fine. I had no idea I had at least 450,000 words to say about Cullen, but hey, here we are.

That's it for this year---and I have no idea if I'll do this again next year---but thanks if you've read this far! I really wanted an excuse to think back on what I've written this year and have a little laugh to myself :) Have a good Thursday and...yeah. Thanks for reading!

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

Of the 19 hijackers who carried out the Sept 11 attacks:

15 were from Saudi Arabia (a powerful/oil-rich country the U.S. works hard to maintain diplomatic relations with)

2 were from the United Arab Emirates (also a powerful/oil-rich country the U.S. works hard to maintain diplomatic relations with)

1 was from Egypt, 1 from Lebanon.

None of the hijackers were from Iraq.

None of the Sept 11 hijackers were Iraqi.

None of the 9/11 hijackers were from Iraq.

[tectco]

I was thinking about Husk's love for magic tricks and was like haha magician husk! and i remembered there's magician assistants and i mean,,,Angel's right there sooooo

i whipped up magician and assistant huskerdust

[toytle]

sorry for the lack of lps dc updates, i’ve been struggling w some of the designs, but i think these ones turned out well. if i do say so myself U__U

[rollercoasterwords]

truly mskingbean89 is stronger than me because if thousands of people were saying something i wrote had been written by taylor swift i would end it all 😀

[spearxwind]

Hello everyone! I am opening up for commissions for hopefully the next couple of months.

This time around I have crafted a google forms with all my offered options and all the pertinent info, so if you'd like a commission go fill this form out:

Form will remain open for a few days, or until I am at order capacity, and then will (hopefully) be reopened when I work through the current set. I will contact you when the form is closed!

Here are some examples of stuff I've done recently:

As always, if you want more examples feel free to peruse my art tag/art blog, and/or my commisions tag. If you'd like something from me that is not an option in the form feel free to email me at windydraws@gmail.com and we can discuss it.

Cheers!

[kasu-meow]

Imagine being in high school with Satoru, Suguru, and Shoko, and as you gradually get closer to your new classmates, you end up developing a crush on Suguru. He's handsome, considerate, and mature; what's there not to like? However, you are unfortunately aware of Suguru's popularity with the ladies, and your awkward attempts at getting the local heart-throb to notice you seem to be going nowhere.

After failing to talk to your crush for the umpteenth time, you finally decide it's time to swallow your pride and ask for help. You take out your phone and are just about to text Shoko for advice, but you don't notice your thumb pressing down on the wrong chat, and you end up accidentally pouring your heart out to the world's worst confidante: Gojo Satoru.

It's all over, you think. Not only is he a huge blabbermouth, but he is also Suguru's best friend on top of that, so there is no way Satoru is keeping this to himself. On the next day, dread fills you with every step you take toward your classroom. You try to think your options over, should you perhaps drop to your knees and beg the white-haired sorcerer to keep his mouth shut? How about sneaking out to the nearest candy shop and purchasing an ungodly amount of his favorite treats instead? The guy is well-known for his unmatched sweet tooth and you are tempted to try out your ideas, but you'd be lying to yourself if you entertained the possibility that Gojo Satoru hasn't already spilled your deepest secret by now. You try and think positively instead, and you tell yourself that hey, at least now Suguru will know, and he can let you down gently. Maybe then, you'll stop agonizing over him, right?

What you are not expecting is for Suguru to act like nothing happened, and for Satoru's blue eyes to be glued to the side of your head for the entire morning instead. The guy normally bounced off the walls, so him calmly and silently burning into you with his stare and his signature unnerving smirk instead of hounding you like he normally would unsettles you more than any other crazy hypothetical your mind had cooked up since the dreaded incident up till now, and you make up your mind to just avoid him as much as you can until you figure out his intentions.

You are even more surprised when you sit down with Shoko for lunch like usual, and she doesn't make a peep about your embarrassing mishap with Satoru, so you finally allow yourself to believe that hey, maybe the guy is actually decent and kept your secret to himself!

You give yourself a pat on the back, your mood so much better than it was just a minute ago, but sadly it doesn't last for long because before you know it, Gojo Satoru himself has you cornered in a deserted hallway, a shit-eating grin residing smugly on his stupid face, and he really lets you have it. You think he is making up for all the teasing, taunting, and goading he didn't get to do earlier due to you promptly avoiding him like the plague, judging from how fast he speaks as he pokes and prods at you for your huge, gigantic, monumental (as he so lovingly put it) crush on his best friend.

You are beyond mortified, but not really surprised. This is Gojo Satoru, after all; this sort of behavior coming from him is nothing short of ordinary, so you silently take what he throws at you with a sigh and an expression that reads, "Are you done?"

But he isn't done; no, he has apparently just gotten started, and if you weren't surprised before, you are definitely floored now because unless your ears are deceiving you, Satoru has just offered to help you get Suguru's attention.

"What? Why? What is he plotting? Is this some kind of prank? Is Suguru in on this and they are just making fun of me?" Are all the questions that pop into your mind during the silent beat that follows Satoru's offer. You really weren't expecting him to be interested in your or Suguru's love lives in the slightest except for maybe teasing you both, let alone to actively involve himself in them to ensure your future relationship's smooth sailing, and you tell him as much. He looks almost offended at the implication but, alas, restates his original offer to you. You can't help but question his true motives, but he brushes off your concern with a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders, stating he's just bored, and he thinks you and Suguru would be a good match, and weren't you sending your message to Shoko to ask for help in the first place? You carefully think over his words; he seems sincere enough to you, and even though you are still overthinking the situation, you find his offer oddly sweet. If he was going to stab you in the back and tell everybody, you figure he would have already done it, so you reason with yourself that there is no harm in trusting him just a little, and you do desperately need the help, although he isn't who you were hoping to get it from. With a shake of your hand and an enthusiastic grin, Satoru then skips off to join his best friend for their upcoming mission, leaving you alone to deal with the mess that's forming in your brain.

Despite having gone back to your dorm hours ago, the shock of the day still doesn't wear off at all. You find yourself tossing and turning on your bed, screaming silently into your pillow. Even after thinking it over for the rest of the day, you still can't make up your mind about the deal you struck with Satoru. Despite his insistence that he is doing this out of the goodness of his own heart, you still find yourself doubting his sincerity just a tad. You can't put your finger on it, but you can't help but feel like he has some ulterior motive you aren't privy to. Before you can talk yourself out of it, you end up in front of Shoko's door, in desperate need of another opinion.

The whole situation is so deeply embarrassing that you really want as few people as possible to know about it, but you trust Shoko with your life, and you do need someone else to help unravel your thoughts. What you don't anticipate, though, is Shoko's confident affirmation that Gojo Satoru likes you, and he is only offering to "help" as a way of getting closer to you, or worse, thwarting your blooming relationship with Suguru. The absurdity of the statement, coupled with Shoko's positively certain tone, like she is stating the obvious, almost makes you burst out laughing. You barely spend time with Satoru or even talk to him outside of training and missions, so you fail to see how he could have possibly developed any interest in you in the first place. Shoko tries to convince you to listen to her reasoning but it all falls on deaf ears. She sighs and surrenders that if you aren't ready to accept the facts yet, she cannot force you, but still urges you to be careful of what Satoru might be up to. After all, getting this close to another guy could end up being confusing rather than helpful, and she worries you will end up developing feelings for the blue-eyed sorcerer instead, possibly getting hurt in the process.

You swallow thickly, her words lodging themselves in your brain. You are still deeply in denial of the idea, brushing it off with a wave of your hand as you make your way back to your dorm. The notion that Satoru might be in love with you rings so untrue to you that it's ridiculous. What's even worse is the thought of you possibly falling for him as well. You already have a crush and it's on Suguru.

Yes, if you know one thing, it's that you will definitely not be falling in love with Gojo Satoru.

[its-pit-not-icarus]

Fresh crochet kwookies 🔥

Took me around a day and a half for Bigsnak kwookie and half that for lil guy 🖤

[edsbacktattoo]

I bet there’s some insane foliage.

[inkskinned]

im gonna start a fight; and, at the same time, i need you to take this in the most good-faith way possible, but:

videos that involve body-checking and intentionally (and uncritically) show a mealplan of an unhealthy number of calories are just a revamped version of pro-ana food diaries.

and yeah, i know there's arguments. i address some of them under the cut. but at the end of the day, we're just coming back to romanticizing mental illness; we've just found a better platform for it.

this is already something we've done. we knew it was wrong and tried to stop it. and tbh. it just wasn't enough.

there are people who argue "well, what if you have an eating disorder, you can't help it if you don't eat!" except that as someone with an ED; we are not infants. we know what we're doing. part of having an ED is that you are like, maybe too self-aware. even if we can't help our own food choices, we don't need to fucking romanticize the disorder - something we've been warning you about since 2013. there are hours of setup, filming, and editing that go into these videos. they do not happen to fall into place randomly. there is a reason they are pieced together to be beautiful, bright, inspiring.

there's this woman who pretty much only posts daily plans under a normal amount of calories, and everyone defends her saying but it's better than nothing! and i'm like. except she opens those with images of her showing off her body and provides no context in the video or caption that suggests that she believes what she's doing is unhealthy. she has hundreds of thousands of followers on a platform designed for young kids and teens. i refuse to believe that by accident her content just happens to be cheery advice on "healthy" versions of starving.

for any other symptom of mental illness, we would be incredibly enraged by this kind of placid acceptance of a "tips and tricks" fast-start guide. imagine if people posted pink & pretty videos saying "best places to cut yourself" as if it was a fucking storytime. we, as a society, are so fucking fatphobic that we would rather accept blatantly harmful displays of self harm than admit that we are obsessed with a hyper-thin body type.

i am not suggesting someone never talks about their disorder. i talk about mine. actually, it's a plot point in my book.

here's the difference: i recognize it's a fucking mental illness. i am very careful to never mention a specific weight, eating pattern, or calorie plan. i always make sure to position it as something that ruined my fucking life. i do not put cheery music in the background and hearts and sparkles over my worst moments. i do not film it in bright light. i do not start each passage with an image of a thin body followed by "here's how to look like her."

eating disorders should not be framed as aspirational. and the problem is that society worships the "after" image, so long as you don't get too sick. there is a reason so many people who quit being "influencers" will later admit - i wasn't eating well that whole time; an obsession with food was completely destroying my life.

we let any uncredited, uncertified person write the most backwards, fucked up shit about how to get the body you desire! because the underlying, secret belief is: well, at least they're thin! and the real thing that fucking gets me each time - they make fucking money off of it. their irresponsibility and societal harm literally pays off for them.

"why do you care so much." "don't like it don't look." "so what if people experiment with new ways of thinking of food?"

thank you for asking. we're about to get extremely personal. it's because when i was 18 i discovered "thinspiration"/"thinspo." and it absolutely influenced, shaped, and codified my pre-existing eating disorder. i went from having some troubling habits and traits to being incredibly unwell within what felt like a matter of days. there were actual pages designed to train me on how to have an ED correctly. it was all so suddenly easy. i was sick; and the nature of the illness meant - i wanted to be sicker.

it takes an average of 7 years for a person to fully recover. i know this personally - even now, 10 years from the worst of it, i still fucking struggle. i am so much happier now and i eat what i want and i literally don't think about food at all (19 year old me would shudder) and yet - i still fucking know the calories of plain toast with butter.

an eating disorder is one of the deadliest types of mental illness. over 1 in 4 people with an ED will attempt suicide.

and i'm sorry. i just do not see the exchange rate of "high rate of engagement" versus "the value of a human life."

[moeblob]

Happy Birthday to Ferdinand von Aegir!

I actually made 33 emotes, affectionately known as Aegirglyphics to some, for my own personal use on discord. However, I figure why not share some of them! They're free to use for discord servers/icons/pfps or whatever. However, my only request is Do NOT use them as subscriber emotes on Twitch. You can make them free follower emotes but you are not to make them locked behind a paywall.

[rengokussy]

Spent a couple of weeks embroidering my beloved Erwin Smith. Very proud with how he turned out!

Details

[landofourwins]

not to be that type of person but i hope everyone wishing for a crash (and the f1 admin) gets everything that's coming their way.

[kagooleo]

so with confidence I present my rarepair...fluffyriceshipping!

they were originally a joke ship (which was my last chance to get out) but they grew on me more and more throughout last year, and months later they've become my favorite pair to draw! their name was the funniest thing to make of them because i got to joke around with their jpn names

the tl:dr of them is that there's a lot of good drama to make of thirty-somethings with the weight of responsibility of their respective cultures on their shoulders, as well as their personal thoughts of the trainers of their respective regions, all this culminating together to be really compelling for me to develop, so I'll ramble a Whole lot more under the cut about them :D!!

~

ok now that the people that wanted to see more about what i'm crazy about when i'm not online are here you guys better prepare for the worddump lmao

before they meet its postgame and they’re both in their thirties (early to mid), lance post gsc/hgss still upholds his champion position and managing the dragon's den alongside any g-man/undercover rocket work on the side (in workaholic mode), riley post dppt is occasionally battling at the battleground but also holing himself up with patrols on iron island and doing egg research and training his aura (Also in workaholic mode)

i'd say all the work makes byron and roark try to get him a break from all that, convincing him at some point to take a vacation! see the sights my guy you've been workin yourself to the bone

it's canonically shown in hgss that riley does appear as a partner for the battle tower, so at some point he is in johto! the region resonates with his cultural sensibilities so maybe he revisits it again to instead actually relax there.

lance would probably catch his hat flying away when he's visiting elm's lab (a fellow egg researcher) in new bark and riley would have absolutely fell first for him (and i'm a sucker for meet-cutes,,,)

and from there they hit it off! being both skilled trainers in their own right they battle and go out to eat after and talk about their family (clair and the elders, for riley's case his family friends byron and roark), their culture (dragon clans and aura guardians), and then when they talk about their respective trainer kiddos (silver and dawn) something clicks between them (it’s a Really rough snippet but hopefully it’s decent)-

"Do you have any kids? I know the news loves to make up some kind of story about secret love affairs with a random person." the guardian says, awkwardly.

Lance smiles, "Oh, yeah! I have one but he's technically not mine." Riley chokes on his iced tea.

"I'm sorry?" A million thoughts roll through his mind as he processes his words said so matter-of-factly.

"Haha, sorry, sorry, I'm only partly joking."

"E-Elaborate..."

The champion explains the general gist of things as he's met him, Silver, his kid-by-odd-circumstance, was homeless for a while, but was training alongside some other up and coming trainers. Uncovering some Rocket related files, he learns he's the son of the boss of the entire organization, and after some on and off meetings he eventually got him a place to stay at the Dragon's Den, and soon after began living with him at his place when he warmed up to the idea of adoption.

There are times he gets overwhelmed with all that he's been through, and some nights its all too much. But Lance was there with him, stayed with him every step of the way, unlike the one who gave him that abandonment anxiety in the first place.

"He's my kid, not by blood, and maybe not by his family, either. But instead, by his own decision he chose to stay with me. I'd want him to keep the freedom he has now." Lance states, firmly. "And now he's grown up as strong as I believed he could. I'm proud of him, as much as he tends to deny that." Riley senses his draconic aura swell with pride, mixed with a humbling sincerity in his words.

"What about you? Any kids of your own?" the sudden flip of the question surprises the guardian briefly.

"N-Nothing adoptive but…I suppose it's similar, in a way to meeting them as you have."

The guardian's turn, now. Dawn was someone he met when he was training on Iron Island, and also served as a guide to get her through the caverns. When he felt something off in the aura surrounding the area, he eventually learned of Galactic causing the pokemon on the island to feel restless and agitated. With her, they were able to clear the island of their antics and even gifted her a Riolu egg on her journey. From there, he was impressed with how strong she was, and did hear from Cynthia that she raised his present up to evolving her into a Lucario. He couldn't have been happier.

That was the case, until he caught the aftermath of the events of Mt. Coronet.

What Cyrus did, the lengths he'd go to, and dragging the both of them into a mess that could have torn the world apart.

After that, Dawn stayed home for a while. Cynthia put him as a contact for her mom, who was really worried for her. With his aura and her friends, Lucas and Barry, they were a big help for her recovery. And eventually, after a lot of time and work, she became the region's champion. She messages every now and then to him, as processing any trauma is never an easy road, but he realized how lucky she was to have the people she'd met to keep her steady, and knew she'll be alright.

"I...still wish I could've done more for her," Riley says, quieter. "Cynthia told me about what happened in that other world, and it...it was a lot for Dawn, a lot of emotions to help her figure out." he finishes, sheepish.

"…I don't blame you for feeling that way, I wouldn't know what to do in a scenario like that, either." the champion says, unsure too.

"It's amazing, in a way. All these kids going through so much on their own. I'd be proud were it not so scary, realizing how young they are to go through what they have been through."

"There's only so much you really can do, as an adult. I've realized that fact a long time ago." Lance's aura felt oddly melancholic, as bright and pretty as it may appear. "It's either immediate or slow when things change for them, and sometimes you'll have to make a choice on the spot when the time comes for them to decide what they want to do." It sounds like he’s speaking from experience, but the melancholy makes it appear that he's had some regrets.

“I trust in them to find their own path, eventually. When they’re together, those kids are gonna be alright on their own.”

His reassurance helped, even if only by a small amount.

-

I should make some kind of master post about them at some point but WAH god I’m so happy I can actually put them together in pokemon masters, they’ve really grown on me and I’ve developed a lot for the both of them in my free time, but yeah this is the rarepair that’s been on my brain for ages now, a gaze into my goo brain 🤪

[iridescentmirrorsgenshin]

An analysis of Alhaitham's egoism in relation to Kaveh

(Update: The essay this is taken from is now uploaded! It can be accessed here and here as as a pdf <3)

Max Stirner's anarchist egoism is speculated to be the basis of Alhaitham's personal egoism, therefore I will be drawing upon Stirner's 'The Unique and Its Property' for this analysis.

Property and power are key principles within this philosophy. The egoist recognises himself as an individual, separate from the general collective of “humanity”, in which concepts such as freedom and property are governed to and over the people, for then the individual is not considered as such, rather they are a part of “humanity”, rather than a whole individual (Stirner, 170). This thinking is demonstrated within Alhaitham’s Story Quest, where he dismantles Siraj’s Hivemind by targeting individuals that compromised the Hive and reminding them of their own beliefs and preferences – the individual in themselves is a whole, and is not a “part” of a system (Stirner, 170).

In this, the egoist governs himself by what he owns and what he wants to own: “ownness is my whole essence and existence, it is myself. I am free from what I am rid of, owner of what I have in my power, what I control. I am at all times and under every circumstance my own”(Stirner, 106). This relates to the concept of freedom, which, for an egoist exists according to having the power to be free of something, for example, being freed of hunger, thirst, or societal expectations (Stirner, 105). This is reflected within Alhaitham’s description: “He lives free – free from the searching eyes of ordinary people,” but also extends to the power to own.

As power is considered something which the egoist owns, property then becomes something which the egoist exerts power over, and in this, can property be made use of by the egoist – all the while, the property remains an independent vessel (Stirner, 162). This is seen within Alhaitham’s view on his vision, in that it is “no more than a useful tool”, as it can be used to serve his own needs, and that since it in his possession, he has obtained it with his own power, it makes no difference to check on it as he continues to retain that power.

In this sense then, Alhaitham has constructed his life around this form of egoism, in that anything he wants, he has, such as his job as the Scribe, his house, the interests he pursues, the people he enjoys. In order to maintain this way of life, he will deal with, or be rid of, anything he deems as "harmful".

With this, the egoist seeks satisfaction in themselves through the satisfaction of another. Ownership, in relation to another person, can become love, which like all things the egoist has power over, is ultimately theirs – as in their love for a person (Stirner, 187), which is given willingly by the egoist, for loving a person is done for the satisfaction that love brings: “But I love them with the awareness of egoism; I love them because love makes me happy, I love because love is natural to me, it pleases me,” (186).

In loving another comes sacrifice, which the egoist can give into without compromising himself, as he himself sets the “purchase price of [his love]” (187) according to the happiness attributed to the loved one, as in return, the egoist shall also receive happiness (186). To enjoy someone, in an egoist fashion, is to be able to sacrifice all possessions and ownerships without foregoing the sense of an individual, of “ownness”, as the egoist would then lose his objectivity:

“I can deny myself countless things to heighten his pleasure, and I can risk for him what would be dearest to me without him, my life, my welfare, my freedom. Indeed, it forms my pleasure and happiness to feast on his pleasure and happiness. But me, myself I do not sacrifice to him, but rather remain an egoist and—enjoy him. If I sacrifice to him everything I would keep without my love for him, that is very easy… But if I sacrifice others to one passion, I still do not…  sacrifice my particular worth, my ownness. Where this nasty incident occurs, love looks no better than any other passion that I blindly obey.” – The Unique and Its Property, 185

It is relevant to note that just as the egoist receives happiness from a loved one’s pleasure, so does an egoist suffer from a loved one’s despair. Just as the egoist would sacrifice something of their own to provide happiness for a loved one in order to exact their own happiness, so too would an egoist sacrifice something, or act, to eradicate the root problem of a loved one’s misery, as this, in turn, would then resolve their own misery:

“If I see the beloved suffering, I suffer with him, and I find no rest until I’ve tried everything to comfort and cheer him…. It doesn’t follow from this that the same thing causes suffering… his tooth gives him pain, but his pain gives me pain. But because I cannot bear the sorrowful crease on the beloved forehead, therefore, then for my sake, I kiss it away. If I didn’t love this person, he could go right on creasing his forehead, that wouldn’t trouble me; I’m only driving away my troubles. – The Unique and Its Property, 186

The phrasing of “driving away… troubles” is particular to note here, due to similar usages of language used within Alhaitham’s Character Stories, in relation to him acting in accordance with his self-governed rules and serving his own self-interest by: “[acting] on his own will and deals with anything that appears harmful in his eyes”.

Kaveh, however, interprets Alhaitham’s egoism as a detached, pragmatic view of humanity, in which the individual isolates themselves not only as a means of prioritisation, but by elevating oneself over others by refusal to intermingle and to cooperate for the benefit of others. Not only is this a harmful opposition to Kaveh’s view of individuals sharing their knowledge and talent in order to pursue a better society, but due to Kaveh’s experience of Alhaitham’s personal egoism, it is harmful to Kaveh personally. Kaveh refuses to prioritise himself over others because he has seen a negative consequence of egoism, in which he has been “cut to the quick” and it has ended one of the few stable relationships in his life.

By Kaveh seeing Alhaitham’s comment about his altruism as malicious, Alhaitham has elevated himself over Kaveh, since Alhaitham does not have the same struggles as him, and has trivialised Kaveh’s trauma. To Kaveh, Alhaitham’s prioritisation of the self actively harms others as it desensitises the self to the emotions of others. Therefore, Kaveh opposes the egoism which Alhaitham advocates for, since he interprets it through his own lived experience. Hence, by Alhaitham asserting egoism over Kaveh as a means of Kaveh prioritising himself, it only reinforces Kaveh to strive to consider the feelings of others, as well as to not prioritise his own way of thinking if it undermines someone else’s.

In actuality, Alhaitham’s frustrations with Kaveh lie in his belief that Kaveh’s talents are incongruous with his values, and that if Kaveh were to prioritise himself, he would save himself suffering and enable himself to discover his “true self”, unrestricted by others placing labels onto him.

This is a personal frustration which Alhaitham would not compromise himself to assert onto a person he was indifferent to, due to his belief of not getting involved with other’s fates. However, he has been observed to ‘subvert’ his own rules to accommodate Kaveh. Through egoism, it can be seen that rather than ‘subverting’ these rules, Alhaitham adheres to them as an egoist, since he sees Kaveh as his mirror, they offer each other a contrasting perspective he believes they need to have a complete, objective vision of the world.

This is necessary for Alhaitham to consider within his own life, and therefore has extended his house to Kaveh, in order to expand his scope of thinking, and to consider perspectives he otherwise would not entertain. Kaveh’s ideals, his beliefs, and his philosophies explicitly interest Alhaitham, in contradiction with Kaveh believing that Alhaitham is disdainful of his perspectives.

In this way, Alhaitham enjoys Kaveh. He willingly pays for some of Kaveh’s tabs; pays for crates of wine for the two of them; and goes out of his way to pursue interactions with Kaveh. Just as Alhaitham is to Kaveh, Kaveh is an old friend, as unchanged in his beliefs as he was in the past and thus is a constant: “the most unshakable part of one's past is a friend that will never change”’.

Alhaitham strives to act in accordance to his own egoism and therefore assesses what “appears harmful” to him, in relation to these rules, so as to be rid of them. This can be extended to Kaveh, as Kaveh falls under what ‘belongs’ to Alhaitham, in the sense that ownership equates to Alhaitham’s enjoyment.

Alhaitham wants to have Kaveh in his life due to the alternate perspective which Kaveh offers him, thus expanding his horizons and granting him knowledge he otherwise would not obtain. As well as this, Kaveh is seen to be considered part of Alhaitham’s way of life that he wants to protect. In line with Stirner’s egoism, it follows that as Alhaitham enjoys Kaveh, as in, ‘owns’ the contentment Kaveh elicits, he therefore is affected by Kaveh’s self-inflicted grievances. Therefore, Alhaitham sees Kaveh’s altruism at the expense of his own wellbeing as something “harmful” to be dealt with, as this not only causes Kaveh inward misery, but also detriments Kaveh finding his “true self” (Alhaitham Character Story 3), which the egoist pursues above all else.

[skrunksthatwunk]

love like you / maternal pang

bonus under cut:

the first stephanie + the maternal pang tone destroyer i couldn't include bc it's a serious comic