#before i get judged too hard
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the makeup in bridgeton season 3 is so obnoxious like how the fuck am i supposed to even try to get engrossed in the story with all that glam and highlighter and fake lashes like at least try
#before i get judged too hard#i like the pretty dressed and the pretty girls and the pretty balls#the story is very lackluster#tho sometimes they have some banger lines
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This was originally meant to be a warmup sketch but I went a little crazy in the end.
Trying to get myself back into drawing regularly is hard because I’m so fuckin rusty LOL
#ff15#Ffxv#noctis lucis caelum#my art#don’t judge me too hard this is mid LOL#just wanna get into the habit of posting art to look back on since I lost a ton of stuff before
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like five commissions would solve so many of my problems right now …. 🌀you want to commission me🌀…. 🌀you want to look at my pinned post and you want to commission me sooooo bad🌀…….
a few recent commissions ⬇️
been loving leaning into more illustration/poster work and would love to do more!!
#i’m like out of options LOL#like everyone else i’ve been applying to probably hundreds of jobs and like everyone else i can’t get SHIT#my options are 1) stay out here and suffer 2) beg my parents to help me move home and REALLY truly suffer (this one isn’t really an option)#or like 3) go lay in the dirt indefinitely idk i’m in over my head and i made a mistake moving but it’s too late to back out!#going home wouldn’t be good for anyone least of all me!#idk i feel like everyone is judging me for thinking i had it good then falling flat on my face anyways#i feel like it was some kind of sick joke that i finally for once felt stable and happy just to get it yanked away from me#and be worse off than before#sorry i’m really emotional because i’ve been going through it so hard for so long and i’m really exhausted#i hate getting on here and begging for work but idk what else to do right now#mine#arty art
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@mitsubasousukenotgay
Quick, little tutorial on how I draw these guys!!
#ask#mitsubasousumenotgay#(Or more so comment than ask)#(But apparently tumblr doesn't allow videos in reblogs so)#(Don't judge the video too hard I haven't had to speak to a screen in months...)#(warning phoe voice jumpscare)#(Very nervous to post this; acting like I haven't spoken on the internet before hahahah)#(I'll get back to streaming real soon~~~)
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Obsessed With You - The Orion Experience/Fan Behavior - Isaac Dunbar
Gift for @t3acupz
#Hannibal#Matthew Brown#will graham#nbc hannibal#brownham#gay hawks#jonathan tucker#hannibal nbc#I literally could Not get this out of my mind#it was driving me crazy so I got up to make this#enjoy my brainrot#I had never used that program before but it mostly worked!!#our conversation made me feel more creative than I've been in months#this is low effort so dont judge too hard#I am... going to bed now LMFAO#Video#OT#live look at my brain rn is just this video
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in honor of my s5 announcement this week, here’s one of the scenes from the first episode! hope you all like it🫶🏻
#if all goes well this will be releasing the last week of august btw#anyway i have never written a script before so pls don’t judge too hard😭#also i have a fic wip coming out this saturday (hopefully)#but it is a birthday present so i’m trying not to spoil anything#it was hard enough finding a script scene that wasn’t too spoilery😭#even tho. i love them all#this script is my baby okay#alright these tags are getting long#miwip wednesday#:)#rewrite#oh also if u missed the announcement i am writing a full s5 script with all plotlines and all episodes#that was the announcement.#ok bye💗#s5 script
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GCSE DRAMAAAAAA
this post is brought to you by my growing insanity after rereading an inspector calls for my drama gcse in a single afternoon
(inspired by @thebrokenpaintbox on this post)
#before you laugh too hard at the gcse drama skits remember this shit is HARD#my group managed to pull ours off but it could have gone downhill so easily#this is my attempt at comics dont judge it ok#also that placard is taken directly out of my own drama gcse#i did a whole monologue about how maybe killing tens of thousands of people might not have been a great idea with that thing on#anyway#shoot from the hip#sfth#sfth genre#west end big boys#oh one more thing#for anyone who doesnt know how gcses are graded#a nine is the best you can get#tom was wrong in drama at till four
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Im just rambling my heart out rn bc im like this but listen hear me out. I think Tim is aromantic. hot take I know but as an aro person maybe its just me but I see a lot of myself in his flirty chatter and playful gestures. In my head he does it as affection, as a way to stretch his wings and engage in a bit of fun banter, and of course, to get what he needs. I inherently see his tendency to draw the eye of people in order to obtain information as a gesture rather detached from the inherent concept of romanticism. it displays a nature in which one understands romance and appeal on a surface level, but does not feel it themselves. I think he likes traditionally romantic stuff. He calls himself a hopeless romantic. He kisses his friends on the cheeks and he treats Sasha as a lover would treat their spouse but they are not dating and both of them know this. He spends passionate nights with people and leaves feeling satisfied. But if you confessed romantic interest in him he would give you a horrifically awkward, apologetic look and let you down easy. I think he was devastated by the realization in his youth. I think beneath all his affection and smiles and toying remarks he knows he will never truly be able to have the romantic relationship he always dreamed of having, because what he desires simply does not exist. I think he indulges in the little things- passing glances, playful flirts, romantic comedies, nights on the town, to taste what he cannot have- and even moreso, to enjoy what he *can* have. To enjoy the fact he can do so comfortably, openly, without concern for what it may look like or if it's really romantic or not. Perhaps he has grown to be happy with the way he lives. Perhaps he is content to be in his lovely queerplatonic relationship. Perhaps he distantly wishes he could be a better partner because he knows he will never meet the standard. I think he loves so strongly, so powerfully, that it simply is not something that could fall into romance. It just isn't. But he loves all the same. He loves so passionately, like a fire, but it is not romance. it is simply love. Tl;dr personal hc is that tim is romance-positive aro (unless it comes to romance aimed at him) and is bisexual. Bc we need more alloaro rep. and more romance-positive aro rep. And i see myself in him.
#I am projecting so hard#but listen its such a comfort hc and i dont see many ppl talk about it#usually I see sasha as the aro one#and fuck yeah I love aro sasha.#but I cannot ever unsee aro tim bc thats just me bro#me too!#I love standard romantic gestures but get paranoid that peopl take my very naturally affectionate nature as romantic#and I think he does the same#bc i love him and therefore he gets the projection beam#also I adore hcing naturally flirty or 'sexually themed' characters as aspec#bc yeah sometimes they are#people have misinterpreted my friendly and affectionate gestures as romantic so many times#so i want to see a character who deals with that too#tma#headcanon#tim tma#tim stoker#timothy stoker#this is aimed at nobody at all but#part of me hopes one of my fellow aros will lay eyes on it and feel seen idk#I dont see a lot of rep for myself#timsasha QPR beinig a widely accepted hc is still so wild to me#ive never seen anything like that before in a fandom#like term and all#god its so nice. So i am sharin my thoughts on it#personally as an aro person in an qpr with an alloro person I also hc sasha as alloro but#any hc is valid as fuck i aint gonna judge#we're all just projecting here
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Just submitted a new patient request to Anchor Health. Cross your fingers for me, so I can get set up w/a doc I can stick with who can handle my T and PCP stuff and maybe even mental health stuff? (their website let me mark all three as things I wanted them to provide care for at least)
and the poor local PP can get back to trying to help others without me taking up any more of their scarce resources and staff
#text post#tbh they might say no#i do fall under the qualifying thing of I came from a state that's not safe for trans folks anymore#but I did note on my form that I've been here abt a year since they needed an address and I didn't want the CT address to be confusing#my concern is bc i've been in the state a year already that will disqualify me#told them too that I've been working with pp but need to find full time care for these things and would like to switch to them#they take medicaid plus offer rides to the clinics and i think telehealth too?#so for whatever can't be done via telehealth I could get a ride to the nearest clinic and back again#which frees me from having to try and budget for lyfts or for poor Housemate to have to work aer schedule around me needing rides#which reminds me i neeeeed to get my bloodwork done#idk if i can manage it today bc the doc messaging thing already has my brain even Louder than before (but it deeply needed doing)#but this week if the uni finally shoots me my latest paycheck I think i'll just take a lyft and either go to a blood draw clinic or call pp#and ask to have them do it and apologise for it taking so long to get it done#bc I can tell they're judging me for it and like. they're not wrong to#i really do want to get it done it's just been hard to coordinate around other stuff and yeah. blood draws usually suck for me so also#it's hard to make myself go do it even when something important to me depends upon it#im rambling too much again time to dip back to survey sites and maybe researching dentists for the fall for me and Housemate
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why does everything i get really into always end up being so god damn niche. by the year 2035 i am going to be blogging exclusively about the interpersonal relationships between the pillbugs and snails hiding underneath the bricks lining the flowerbeds in my parent's garden.
#im falling hard into the virvox guys rn sowwy. i like em a lot hee hee. i didnt realize just how small the fanbase for em was tho#actually i didnt realize how small the company that makes them were either. i got so used to the yamahas and cryptons of the vsynth world#that i forgot that like honestly. a lot of the voicebank makers and some of the software makers themselves#theyre like companies of like maybe 5 employees with like no funding LOL not a bad thing but i forgor#but yeah i was looking up to see if there was like. a fanon reason why people shipped takehiro and ryusei? not judging because i get it#i like took one look at the virvox guys and immediately slotted them as a very strange boyband (a catboy and a middle aged dragon man....)#and also took a second look at takehiro and ryusei and assumed they were childhood friends. i saw the doujin flash before my eyes#but also looking into it it seems the fanbase is also like. 20 people. and like 3 of them ship that#and at least one person ships whiteCUL and ryusei? why not LOL when it comes to vsynths sometimes a ship can be spearheaded by like#one very prolific artist HGDJKDFSHDJK which actually reminds me. honestly i dont really have many vsynth ships#i guess i dont really partake in a lot of shipping stuff deeply but i like romance!! you know i like love stories. you know this#i mean i keep calling the eclipsed sounds characters the celestial polycule for a reason tho. im not joking around about this#this is serious to me. they are stars and moons and suns and together they hang out and kiss. in the sky. this is serious to me#also i do like solaria x eleanor forte actually. its a bit random but i understand it. i understand it#and of course the aformentioned takehiro x ryusei. and also the whole virvox polycule. get that old man in here too#(what do they call people like me. a multishipper? i do that a lot. you know this from my otome game fanart LOL)#OH and i dont remember either of their names rn but i like that the cevio bank anju inami voiced has like a big fat crush on like#that girl with the brown hair. i like that theyre like. besties (turning into something more wink wonk)#thinks with all my brain. i think thats it. i dont know why theres so little. i think its because i think of them as like#audio sample libraries first and foremost and i forget about their characters and relationships LOL#but im not against the idea of making some audio sample libraries kiss...... not at all#picks up a guitar sampler and a sound effect cd. presses them together.#hee hee. they kiss
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tbh i think one of the biggest things they could have done to make five and nine hate each other without bullying or bigotry involved would have been to lean into the thing where some adhdtistics naturally vibe, whereas others have an incompatible combination of nd traits that make them viscerally unable stand each other, and go from there
#lorien legacies#LL number five#LL number nine#like nine is very obviously coded adhd but he is also autistic as hell#and. gestures at five#this is also why canon!nine's brand of lying about things and getting his behavior excused as being 'bad at signals'#when that's Not What's Actually Happening irritates me#they could have even included elements of some of the others being a little too defensive of his behavior at five's expense#without it just being 'lol bully the fat autistic kid'#if they're used to accounting for the fact that nine is neurodivergent and having a Hard Time of It#in ways that make it easy to assume he's just a dickhead when he really genuinely does not realize or understand that's how he comes across#and/or is exhausted and defensive that he has to try constantly and /so hard/ NOT to come across that way#and feels like he's being fucked with when people correct him constantly#because 'that doesn't sound right but i don't know enough about social skills to dispute it'#and is also increasingly bitter at feeling like 'why the fuck should /i/ have to be the one to change everything about how i act'#'why can't people at least try to meet me in the middle for once. fuck this'#all compounded by brain damage from extended solitary confinement and physical TBIs#and it becomes more understandable for the others to kneejerk toward accommodating his access needs before five's when they conflict#while also y'know. being significantly less assholess toward five in general; and in fact treating him a lot less shittily BECAUSE they#have experience with not judging people for initially being awkward and kind of insensitive or seemingly abrasive#or just behaving in ways that seem Weird. it's still a blind spot that they favor nine here but they're not being ableist pieces of shit#nor are they trying to shut him up about abuse and force him to Get Used to It#anyway lots of thoughts about this need to write up posts etc#LL tag#ableism cw#dyn: lost boys
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{Hero Archetypes: The More... something version}
The Fallen Hero You are the Fallen Hero, a tragic embodiment of betrayal, vengeance, or perhaps a heart-wrenching love story turned awry. Whether exposed to corrupting influences, manipulated by deal-makers, brainwashed, extorted, blackmailed, or witnessing the destruction of sacred bonds, your descent into darkness is marked by profound sorrow and loss. You might have turned for the sake of greed. Yet within, a lingering spark of hope remains, compelling you to reluctantly extend assistance to the newcomers. Motivated by the sincere desire to shield them from the same tragic fate you endured, you find yourself driven to guide and protect, despite the shadows of your own past.
tagged by: @tarnishedxknight tagging: anyone!!
#quiz#((*taps fingers together* I have;;; thoughts on this#so this isn't. quite accurate for Gylfie as she does have morals and does act for what is good#which is going against Vayne and fighting for all of Ivalice instead of continuing to blindly go with Archadia's expansion#because she knows Vayne will destroy Ivalice in his constant need for power and Archadia will devour herself before she's full#so Gylfie never fell in the sense of turning on what is right and following Vayne without question#or continuing to believe that it was the destiny of the Empire to conquer all#with that all said - I can see her having a corruption arc and I think that'd be fun to explore heh#but also this is accurate with how Gylfie sees *herself*#I really should write a post about this at some point lol#but Gylfie doesn't believe herself to be a good person whatsoever. She used to believe Archadia was the best of the best for *years*#and felt it appropriate for the Empire she loved so much to continue her expansion and that Rozarria was 100% the enemy#and... never thought twice about the smaller kingdoms caught in the warpath#her mother's criticism of Archadia slowly began to chip at that but she wasn't disillusioned until Nabudis because *that*#was something she absolutely couldn't get behind no matter how she felt about the Empire. it was a horrific and brutal act that greatly#disturbed her and really snapped her out of it#also Ffamran leaving did make her start to question things a bit but not quite enough#anyway my point is: Gylfie doesn't believe herself to be a good person. she believes herself to be a *product* of war#to be too much like her father to be a good person#and that she's done so much harm that there is no room for her to be good#with that said she doesn't necessarily see herself as a horrible person but. definitely not a good one#and ABSOLUTELY doesn't see herself as *any* kind of hero - she'd honestly just laugh if someone called her one#but she had been brainwashed essentially and she had witnessed destruction of sacred bonds#and she has acted selfishly and she has done horrible things in the name of the Empire#but she also tries so hard to do *right* despite it all. she *wants* Archadia to be better#she *wants* Ivalice to remain whole and she does what she can to see Vayne defeated and Archadia changed for the better#her goal of becoming Judge Magister changes from her believing it was her birthright to her wanting to be one to make sure Archadia#stays on track and continues to do better under Larsa's rule because she knows he'll make the Empire *better*#and she's willing to do whatever she can to protect him and protect Archadia's future#but with that she may have to do things that wouldn't necessarily be considered *good*
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this summer i need to cut my hair and buy silly t-shirts and stop being apologetic abt merely existing and do things even though i'm very bad at them and be earnest & bouyant and stop thinking i'm being punished when bad things happen and read books i've never heard of and be in any body of water as much as possible and be less afraid of people crushing my heart when i give them it!!!!! Basically i need to go on walks even when i don't feel like it so every time i do i will be enraptured by the world like i always am 🙏❤
#i booked an appointment to cut my hair & got two books i'd never heard of before and every time i go to the thrift store i look for silly#t-shirts and in regards to all the other stuff i will try very hard. and that at least is something.#ALSO i will watch tv shows from ten years ago and go to concerts without feeling alienated when i'm there and stop feeling like i'm running#in a race of time with other ppl my age that i will never win and be open to new experiences and push myself out of my comfort zone 👍#double also!! i will stop being scared to wear certain clothes bc i think i'll be judged for it and i will be more easygoing with strangers#and i'll stop feeling like i'm slowly wasting away and i will stop feeling like i'm bothering everyone all the time and i will learn arabic#and greek and hindi and freshen up on my spanish & latin. the latter ones i am already busy with <333#owl app i hate u but u do get me places. oh also if anyone's studying languages atm memrise.com is a pretty good site too!!!#ANYWAY. bucket list 4 the summer 👆#through rain and wind and other hashtag bad weather i WILL swim this summer mark my words ☝️
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my (virtual) meeting with my thesis advisor is in... 7 hours. I'm sort of almost finished writing the exposé that I was supposed to write. sort of. I'll probably need another hour or two until I feel okay enough about it to actually get any sleep.
unfortunately my left arm is realllly starting to hurt and I can't lift it much anymore (thanks to the covid booster I got today). hopefully I'll get it done anyway. and hopefully the pain won't be so bad that I can't sleep.
#I mean. if I get... idk like 3-4 hours of sleep that should be enough#I only have to be awake until the meeting is over. then I'll probably go back to bed.#and that way if it goes really really badly I can escape from that by being asleep lol#I hope it'll be okay 😭 I'm so scared#but it's this... much more quiet subtle kind of scared. I never experienced that before the anxiety meds#so it feels weird.#I haven't even cried yet! no panic attacks or anything! there have been a few meltdowns but not specifically about this#so I have to keep reminding myself that this is fine! I can handle this! it used to be sooooo much worse and I somehow got through that too#so I will definitely get through this and it will be okay#after all - no matter what happens. I'll be done with uni in February. I won't have to speak to my advisor ever again (so if he thinks I'm a#fucking idiot it doesn't matter at all!)#this is far from the hardest thing I've done! I was my dad's carer. I got my driver's license (yes that was very hard for me). I was in#therapy. I lived in abusive households until I was 25! this is easy in comparison#it just feels hard because I can't stand the feeling of being judged. and this is. just. me being judged (for what I write)#but it will be okay and I'll never write anything like this ever again and I'll get a break and I'll find a job I don't hate and it'll all#be worth it#personal#posts about my thesis
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#need to get my outer appearance to the point I’m like this about myself#like I have so much admiration..and it’s clear she works hard for it (working out etc)#idk if it comes off as vain but this is really important to me that I reach a point where I’m on this vibe abt myself#but this inner is just as important I just want to become a better person in general.. need to focus on that#and certain goals and not drinking alcohols every evening after spending all day at a job i hate..#I’ve been with the same company for ~5yrs and I’ve only gotten frumpier grumpier more boring and more lazy#surrounded by other ppl who have resigned themselves to living for the weekend#idk what I’m going to do#I know I’ve been talking about this for years#I feel like the relationship I’ve been in for the last few years totally destroyed my sense of self#bc I was always trying to focus on him#like a sunflower follows the sun#but this breakup.. might be an opportunity to come back to myself#isn’t it so crazy that I’m still living with my ex#I’m so thankful that he’s listening to political videos on YouTube in the living room bc it’s the biggest turnoff ever (he’s conservative)#and before u judge me for that… I could accept it bc i know he’s not bigoted just a little ummmm#easily manipulated#I’ve seen how succeptive he is to the way things are presented to him#and he elicits the exact response that’s why coerced#almost too easy#but he is so sweet#generous#and so soft although he considers himself the opposite#everyone he meets loves him#just one of those people
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I’m developing a new chart system
#movie chart#chart meme#jock nerd/prep goth test#comedy movies#action movies#so we got into a debate because i said i wanted to watch the barbie movie#and my boy got all ehhhhhh about watching it with me because its Girl Power and girls have cooties or whatever#so i tried to explain the magnificence of birds of prey and he tried saying how unrealistic it is#and then tried to say how great batman the edgelord is so this chart came to fruition#you have your hyper serious dark tone movies like john wick and sin city#but whereas john wick is really dedicated to realism sin city is well... sin city#and then we have the action comedies like birds of prey and red and the a team#where red had mostly realistic fight scenes. and birds of prey...... did not#please dont judge me too hard on these i havent seen morbius or rush hour or the a team#i originally had rush hour higher on the realism side but then i watched a few clips and um no no sir not realistic#my boy was the one who called it realistic with his defense being that there was no cgi. he missed the mark#the fact that jackie chan had to do the ladder scene like 50 times to get it right proves its not very realistic or feasible#in making this we also came to the conclusion that the more melee is involved the less realistic movies tend to become#anyone can shoot a gun but watching a man punch someone is only entertaining for so long before you have to spice it up with the impossible#red 2 is not on here but the convenience store fight scene lives rent free in my brain#batman is also not on here because ive only seen one movie and did not trust my boy enough to let him rate the rest#i asked him for a serious overpowered movie and his first choice was antman. he cant be trusted with this task#realistic comedy was the hardest one to do because low and behold the sillier the movie usually the sillier the action#its occurring to me that the opposite of realistic is unrealistic but here we are with me unwilling to fix it now#realistic overpowered/serious comedy test#realistic unrealistic/serious comedy test#if i just turned the a team onto its side this would be lost.jpeg i have missed a great opportunity here#neo rambles#neo just wants to watch the barbie movie in peace why do boys have to hate girl power movies#i blame marvel for this
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