#before all the MAJOR trauma
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SAEKA RIKIHISA + ANZU ADACHI - Jujutsu Kaisen [anime style]
more art || commissions || saeka page || anzu belongs to my bby @risingsh0t
tag list (ask to be added or removed): @bbrocklesnar @carrionsflower @risingsh0t @statichvm @marivenah @confidentandgood @unholymilf @florbelles @thedeadthree @simonxriley @shellibisshe @roofgeese @aezyrraeshh @faerune @tekehu @arklay @jackiesarch @timdownie @minaharkers @captmactavish @carlosoliveiraa @rosenfey @queennymeria @shadowglens @nightbloodbix @riikugan @heroofpenamstan @fenharel @alexxmason @malefiicarum @perpetuagf @gearvmac @gwynbleidd @delzinrowe
#my art*#oc: saeka rikihisa#m.oc: anzu adachi#artists on tumblr#jjk oc#jujutsu kaisen oc#anime oc#jujutsu kaisen#my ocs#misc: peeps ocs#character design#original character#digital art#here they are!#golden girls in the school years!#Alyssa I hope you like how she turned out#PLS TELL ME IF SO#*SOMETHING IS WRONG#but besties livin their best lives#before all the MAJOR trauma#but they trauma bond
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The fact that shiro fucked up so bad at parenting that both rin AND yukio are victims of parentification is so crazy
#Ive said this before but i think shiro did the best he could considering her own childhood#But holy shit dude how do you fuck up that bad#That both of his kids are jealous of eachother and their relationship with him#The difference is that shiro had an active role and yukio's trauma but an inactive role for rin#Idk how to explain this but rin has really strong eldest daughter vibes to me#This is why hes haru no noroi natsuki coded#Nobody liked that post but i will not be silenced#Its also important that both twins are just like....wrong about eachother#'You got to know him as your dad and grow up normally'#No he didnt yukio shiro spent all his time with u and rin was busy fighting thugs for your honor#'You got to actually know our father'#rin yukio spent the majority of his childhood feeling like if he didnt grow up as fast as possible you were gonna be killed#Thats a lot to put on a 7 yr old#Also just to be clear im not like...compairing their traumas#Well i am but i mean like saying one is worse than the other#okumura twins#blue exorcist#ao no exorcist#yukio okumura#rin okumura#shiro fujimoto
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Since writing my last post about how Vanitas understands "salvation" as the preservation of one's self, even at the price of death, I've been thinking about how that plays into Vanitas's thoughts on resurrection. It's only two short lines, but I find the view he expresses in this scene absolutely fascinating.
Vanitas tells Misha that the dead "don't come back," and the fact that he phrases it that way stands out to me. He doesn't say that resurrection is impossible on a physical level; he implicitly concedes that maybe Misha could "bring back" something that looks and acts like Luna. He doesn't quibble about the practicalities of reanimating someone whose body turned to ashes or bring up whatever concept of the afterlife he may have.
Instead, Vanitas says that a resurrected Luna would simply be "something else that looked like her." A resurrected Luna would lack some fundamental part of whatever it was that made Luna who they were in their first life.
But what would they lack? I don't think he's implying that a resurrected Luna would lack their soul—not really. Setting aside the absence of souls as a conceptual presence in VnC, I think that would be too concrete and specific for what Vanitas is gesturing toward. Rather, he's conceiving of the Self in a somewhat ineffable way. On a metaphysical level, a version of Luna brought back from the dead simply Wouldn't Be Her, and he can't put it in more concrete terms than that.
So why does he think this way?
I think the concept of resurrection is awful enough to Vanitas that he has to reject it outright for his own stability. He cannot even slightly entertain the notion that resurrection might be possible, because that would destroy one of his main coping mechanisms.
Resurrection is nightmarish to a man that relies on death as an escape. Vanitas is suicidal, but beyond his self-hatred, his relationship to death is very particular. He's someone whose body and being has been corrupted and violated several times—through violence, through experiments, and through Luna's bite, and he's desperate to retain control of himself in the aftermath. He's desperate for control in regards to everything in his life, but especially his body and his death.
Vanitas is being slowly transformed into something inhuman, and he plans to die someday to escape that fate. The idea that after he's gone, someone could override that decision and force him back into living a life he doesn't want must be unacceptably horrific to him. He dismisses it out of hand because he has to.
Vanitas says a resurrected Luna would, on some level, not really be Luna. Whatever comes back might look like them, but it would lack some fundamental self that makes Luna "Luna." Thus, if Vanitas himself were ever "resurrected" after his death, it would be the same. Death remains an absolute escape for him, and even if someone contrives to bring back something that looks like him after he's gone, it won't be him. That life won't be his problem.
In addition to whatever beliefs Vanitas might have about death and afterlives the feasibility of resurrection, I think this is a key part of his relationship to the concept. He lives his life knowing that death waits for him as an escape valve. He needs that looming death as his salvation. Thus, faced with the concept of resurrection, his argument basically boils down to "nuh-uh." He shoots down the concept and declares that a resurrected person wouldn't be themselves in some nonspecific way, because the possibility of anything otherwise isn't something safe for him to consider.
#of course. it's not out of the question that Vanitas has actually encountered a botched resurrection before and is speaking from experience#but occam's razor and all that#or mochijun's razor:#when encountering a vanitas character trait. assume it's a trauma response until shown substantial evidence otherwise#vnc#vanitas no carte#the case study of vanitas#vanitas#vanitas my beloved#english major hours#ID in alt text#I briefly wonked up posting this but I think it's normal now
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I'm very late for 8/3 day and I don't know if I'll get this finished before it's no longer the eighth world wide so I'll just give the sketch for now!! I do plan to finish it but guess it won't be for 8/3 lol
#nearly 5am posting this i am very late i had all day and i just didn't#also pre tartar 8 and 3- makes me sad seeing them like this- before all their major trauma :(#but i thought it'd be cuter this way than current 3/8 lol#also funnier#agent 3#agent 8#agent 24#splatoon#splatoon 2#splatoon 3#art#fanart
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↳ ꜰꜰxɪᴠ — ʀᴏᴜᴠᴀꜱᴛʀᴇ ᴅᴇ ʟᴇᴜᴠᴇᴄʜɪᴇʀ ⇄ ᴇꜱᴛᴇᴇᴍ
Today, tomorrow — forever on, from one war to the next. Have you ever wondered when our war ends? Does it even matter? Were we not meant to be nothing but weapons from the day we were born, our edges kept sharp and bloody when needed and hung up and set aside like good, obedient little soldiers when not?
(Steel Temper! Heavensbreaker! The Warrior of Light! Our Weapon of Light!)
Look in the mirror. Do you still feel him crawling up your spine, setting within your bone? Do you feel it gnawing at the edge of your soul? Feel the blood in your fingers again. Remember your purpose. Remember the grind of the bone beneath your fist. Remember. Remember. Remember. Stare into my eyes and REMEMBER.
(Even now, you continue to deny it. Well. Deny me all you want. You cannot deny what we have done.)
You feel it, don’t you? There’s no point to hiding it. I know you. Feel the furious pulse of hot blood in your head. Feel it in your teeth. Feel it in your throat. Feel it in your heart. Feel my hand on yours, cloak it in scale, and grind it deep into where it needs to be. Again, and then again. One broken shield exchanged for another. It’s never enough. It will never be enough.
(Or you could beat every single one of them to death with your bare hands. You would like that, wouldn’t you?)
But you know as well as we — that it was never the Eye.
(I knew you would.)
It was always just you.
#//flashing lights#ask to tag#FFXIV#FF14#Final Fantasy XIV#Final Fantasy 14#long post#spoilers#major spoilers#ffxivedit#Warrior of Light#WoL#oc: rouvastre#FFXIV Esteem#feels weird tagging them as Esteem when it's not the canon version but that's what they are so.#another loreset sorry but rouvy's weird fucked up Nid.hogg-adjacent DRG fray!!#the actual lore: rouvy's DRK questline takes place between SHB -> EW and thus it unfort. doesn't involve Sid.durgu#nor does their Esteem take Fray's form bc they never met!!!#Rouvy's Fray is based off the Azys Lla section in HW where Rouvy nearly fell to Nid.hogg and similar to Alb.eric saw directly into#Nid.hogg's soul and saw a mirror there. the incident really shook them and he's been denying that capacity for rage and violence exists#ever since. ShB forces Fray to the surface via a mixture of extreme loneliness (she doesn't have either of their emotional support dragons#in his head anymore) and slowly festering annoyance and frustration w/ being the WoL and how he's treated as such that was#building in the BG during StB + all her unexamined HW trauma. among other things.#as a result their Esteem takes the form of a weird fucked up DRG since they're based off the Nid.hogg incident he's been denying.#+ is also her emotional support imaginary friend to fill the spot in his braincase where there would normally be an emotional support drago#and spends most of their time trying to convince Rouvy to fuck this shit I'm out before the lightwarden thing kills them#the equivalent of Whitebrim is Fray controlling the meat suit to yell at the Scions. Mys.te's stuff happens during EW#and significantly affects his version of Ultima Thule#Esteem actually manifested on Azys Lla first but Rouvy's been Ignoring That:tm: for years until everything happens all at once#but Rouvy doesn't officially switch his tank spec to DRK until just after Dohn Mheg for reasons
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Taken by nightmares
TW - nightmares, Cia being creepy, warriors gets bullied by his own brain 101, warriors get his soul stolen (in the dream F), Sky gets a little present, but its not pleasant, blood
Running running running
He was running out of time
Time ticked forward. The flames rose higher. The pain in his soul turned sickly.
"LINK!"
Turning around he found a monstrous beast.
Ganondorf.
The glow of the stolen fragments of the triforce shone from his head as the beast stomped forward. But he felt frozen in place.
Impa lay still on the ground nearby. He was too late to save her.
He raised the master sword in front of him, her glow reflecting in the beast's eyes. A final light in the darkness that was consuming the world around them as it fell away in pieces. The screams of his fellow soldiers echoed through the abyss as the wind picked up into a torrent of pain and destruction.
"You have failed."
A sickening voice echoed from behind him. Female....
Cia...
Unable to move he found hands tracing up his arms as nails dug into his flesh. slow steady footsteps filled his ears as she came into view. Her eyes glowed crimson as she tilted her head and smiled.
"You caused this pain." she smiled. Plaicing a hand to his chin as she drew herself into his face. He could feel the blood rushing to his ears. "You should have given yourself to me. It would have made this so much easier..."
He couldn't speak. He couldn't get away.
Trapped.
Alone.
"My chosen one, my perfect soul. Give yourself to me."
He struggled, he cried, but no noise came out.
Let me go! Let me go!
"Your gods can't hear you now..." She giggled, as she took a step back from him, "By my guiding hand, you are mine to the end!" Turning to him she raised her staff, a dark red mist emanating from its gemstone. Stretching across from her and ensnaring him in its grip.
Gold light begain to stretch across his body, "I will manipulate you into my image. And together my hero we shall rule this world."
Nonononononononononono
Let him go!
"..nk"
He could feel his very essence being drawn from him as the darkness began to seep into his bones.
"....ink..."
Just another sacrifice for her war.
Just another one converted to her perfected image...
"LINK!"
Bolting upright the first thing he did was grab the thing in front of him. Turning it around as a scream of pain left it. Green and red filled his vision as gold joined it.
"Link it's okay!"
"NO! NO I WONT BE A PUPPET! I WON'T BE PART OF YOUR PERFECT IMAGE!" He gripped tighter. forcing the object into the green fabric. Another sound reached his ears. Another yell. More pain more suffering.
"Sky can you get free?"
Sky?
"No."
Sky? Sky... Sky...
The next thing he registered was a knife in his hands. A blade pressed against skin. Panicked voices.
"Step back. You're scaring him." A calm voice, unwavering and unafraid.
Who were they ? They wanted to kill him. They were going to kill him or take him to Cia or or or...
"Link. It's okay. The threat has passed." He pushed the steel against the man's neck. "Put the knife down. No one is going to hurt you."
Dusty blond hair filled his vision. As he registered the wrist in his hand roll slightly.
"Who do you work for?" His voice was low, and the knife pressed tightly against his neck. "You have five seconds."
"I work for Hylia. My name is Link. Like yours. I'm a hero from an age before yours." The man spoke plainly and slowly.
Other Links? Other Links...
the chain...
He moved the knife away slowly but The man did not relax. "Put the knife down, captain. It's okay..."
"Its okay... ITs okay.... Its okay..." Slowly repeating it to himself he moved the blade ever so slowly away from his neck. Watching for sudden movements.
The shift of grass from a boot...
On instinct, he turned the blade and stabbed quickly. Finding his blade stopped short of the man's neck by his own arm. Which was now dripping crimson red blood.
Pushing the man to the ground he jumped on top of him, removing the blade from his arm and trying to space it into the neck where it would be safest.
If they can't talk they can't tell. If they can't tell they can't find you.
The man below him pushed away at his arms, pain ghosted his features as he found leverage and twisted his body sending him to the ground. The man above him pinned him down, his arms placed above his head as he felt something heavy collapse across his legs.
"Warriors! It's me! Sky!" The piercing blue eyes looked down at him.
Sky... Sky....
Sky!
He let out a gasp before looking towards the skyloftian again. "Sky?"
"Yep. Thats me. You back?"
Everything came rushing back to him. He'd attacked Sky. He'd almost killed him.
Dear hylia....
"Sky?"
"You had a bad dream, that knocked your senses for a bit." The skyloftian smiled. and offered him a hand.
He offered him a hand?!
His eyes fixed to the skyloftians bracer where blood pooled around some damage. He didn't say anymore. Turning away. "I'm sorry..."
He felt a pat on his shoulder. "I'm okay." You could hear the grimace in his voice. Trying to hide the pain. "Get some rest, we can talk in the morning."
Why would he want to talk to him in the morning?
"I almost killed you!" He spoke to the air. His voice filled with shock as a hand raised to his lips.
"You were taken by a nightmare. That is not your doing." Sky's voice was unwavering and calm.
How could he be so calm at a time like this?
"I...." He tried again.
"No. Get some rest. We will talk in the morning."
Curling up on his side he spoke no more, but he would not sleep either. The threat of nightmares returning too close for comfort.
#lu warriors#your turn!#lu sky#Angst wave#major writes to bully blorbos#bad cia is creepy#very creepy#soul harvesttttttt#linked universe#linkeduniverse#writing#creative writing#yes im writing these in real time#oh no my blorbos are bullying eachother!#sorry bud#trauma is bad for you kids#warriors seek help before you kill someone#again i dont know if anything will come of this#ive just been so desperate to do writing like this and this is how thats gonna happen#all of these are first drafts which is fun#you get to see my process first hand#good older bro sky cause he is#Sky took a potion he's fine#Warriors on the other hand.....#no beta we die like wild
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Maybe i love unreliable narrators so much because i am an unreliable narrator in my own life. Every alter has a different perspective, everyone *thinks* they know what they're talking about when really its a limited one person perspective. The point of the disorder is so you think you know everything when in reality theres so many things you don't know you don't know. Maybe i love unreliable narrators in fiction because they say what they say and people pick apart and find the truth anyway and maybe i just like the idea of someone seeing the whole picture after talking to different alters, of someone knowing me more then an alter knows.
#did#did osdd#did system#trauma system#endos dni#did community#fictive#this post was inspired by sam thinking louis and Lestat were idiots for playing with a raccoon#in reality louis has major beef with this raccoon#hates his guts#and was staying up to fight the raccoon ig#and lestat thought louis hating this raccoon was hilarious#and kept putting trash on the porch to draw the raccoon in#so louis would chase the raccoon back off#the raccoon is named Leonard#maybe Sam wasn't too far off#but louis doesn't know it#certified leonard posting#Sam brought all the extra trash in before calling them idiots and laying down#Sam ruins all the fun smh#i personally liked the leonard chasing
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I am trying to get the next comic review out but I adopted a puppy on Tuesday and it's really hard to write when you're being chewed on and have to take a small furball out to pee every hour in the hope she learns.
#Personal posts#I am trying#I've never had a puppy before#All my dogs have been shelter dogs but we have a rescue dog with MAJOR trauma and she needed a companion#Rescue dog is doing great with her at least#They are Taro and Mochi
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I thought you might find this funny, but I have therapy today. Which means that I get to explain to my therapist what a rise of the tmnt apocalypse comic is and why it send me into a depressive spiral this weekend lmao
EYYYYY that’s what *I* did at therapy this week, too!!! Wassup!!!! Tell ur therapist I said hi!!!!
#CASS#it’s not ur fault it was just very real and spoke very directly to two major rl traumas lol#and now everyone is making fan work abt it lmao#including me sooooo#also all the twin shit is just killing me#no disrespect to the artists#but there was one fanwork abt how like#leo just KNEW when donnie died could just SENSE it coz they’re twins#and I was very sad and upset#because my twin was dead for over twelve hours before I found out#anyway#asks#lily-valley-hyperfixates
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It’s seem like I can’t escape the “people don’t want to come to work so now I gotta do their mess” shenanigans…
#literally the most two irksome work pet peeves happen today and I was pissed#1st is waiting until the last second to do or change something#2nd is people who call out for a bs reason and how I gotta do your work unprepared#I work with adult learning and online webinars stuff like that#I’m like a producer I set the webinars up and I’m supposed to moderate them intro the speakers etc#and they are live events with people attending online#why two days before the event the ceo was like I don’t like the platform let’s change it…#plus some others problems they had…#why are we discussing two days before????? we had all month to discuss changes or concerns#okay there’s major problems with the event so I gotta fix some stuff and now it’s on me#to research a new platform they want this done asap#I’m annoyed cause why is this urgency my issue?#this should have proper discussed way before we rolled out the product#THEN during that this girl in my team was basically like I’m taking off so now you have to take over my event#outta nowhere…#I gotta do the rehearsal tomorrow and I know nothing about the event…#like you have been planning this event for months and all the sudden you gotta be off…#you have been complaining that’s low attendance and it’s probably gonna fail I hate#YOU just don’t wanna do it!!!#it’s like a random classmate coming up to you and saying#you gotta do my presentation now I’m gonna be out#and not send any notes or details or nothing…#don’t know why you wouldn’t show up to your own presentation besides an emergency#which apparently they knew about it last week but tells me at the last second being vague about it#maybe it’s kiosk trauma but I can just sense the bs#like not even gonna send some sub plans or anything???#that’s nutty!!!#anyway got hit with a double whammy I was so mad#but I will calm down and deal lol#callyie chat
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2 & 3 from section 1 for peri and 7 from whichever section has a more interesting #7 for diodore -moss
oooh these are fun ones!
2. Describe their tent set-up (outside and inside) (Peri)
I think Peri's tent is constructed similarly to Gale and Astarion's (boxy, fabric walls, little covered area outside). Deep blue fabric w/ golden astronomical embroidery, mostly the sort of thing you see on star maps. Little golden tassles around the edges of the tarp (?) and the doorframe. He'd have a small, circular, dark wood side table short enough that you can use it sitting on the ground, and a dark blue pillow next to it; there would be some parchment and a bronze miniature astrolabe on the table. The inside would be just. full to the brim with the gaudiest night-sky-themed pillows you've ever seen. No bedroll, no palette, just a nest that would put those cube pits in trampoline parks to shame. There would be two bird perches for his familiar Medani: one taller one next to his tent and one shorter one under the overhang. The shorter one would have a crow-sized bow-tie hanging from it. Rugs on rugs on the outside area ofc. 3. What would their character quest be titled? Why? (Peri)
This is a hard one! His tav ending involves taking over the Waterdeep arm of the Harpers, so I think his arc would have something to do with that. He'd be pretty bitter about being dropped into another near-apocalyptic mess when dealing with the last one a few years prior was supposed to be a one-time thing. Something-something ptsd in a world that doesn't have the words for that yet, something-something 'once a hero always a hero', something-something the weight of responsibility...he's a planeswalker so I think part of it would be whether he decides to stay on Toril long-term and directly help rebuild the Waterdeep Harpers or if he continues to run travel around afterwards, so maybe The Far Traveller/The Far Walker?
Harpson/Fae-son are also potential options. "Fae-son" nods to him being a changeling without it being super obvious (like Astarion's "The Pale Elf"). It would also mimic his backstory reveals from RoT ("oh he's not 'from here' so, like, the Feywild" -> "OH he's not from here"). 7. Describe their arc. How would a player help resolve it? What choices can be made? Can your Tav be turned down a dark path, or pulled to a lighter one? (Diodore)
Buckle up because we're in for a long one here. I've thought about Dora's story arc a lot because she's the first of my tavs that I truly made for the game while having full control over her backstory, etc. (versus Corentin, who had their arc baked into the story as a durge). Dora's a paladin of Corellon (oath of ancients) and her story arc as a companion would have to do with whether or not she should accept capital-r-Redemption, the process by which a drow can be truly "freed" from Lolth and rejoin the ranks of the rest of elven society. It involves all of the Redeemed drow's memories being erased and them being reincarnated as a surface elf. The implication seems to be that without that, regardless of a drow's actions, they'd be thrown back to Lolth when they die? Or at least that their eternal fate is unknown (which is the way I prefer to think of it for. personal reasons). Under normal circumstances, Dora would be a long way from Redemption being presented to her at all (she's not even 200 yet and has only been on the surface for a couple decades), but like with the other gods' Chosen among the companions, near-apocalyptic circumstances tend to speed up those sorts of things.
Of course, you'd have the themes of faith & relationship with deity when they're all unequivocally real and are also mostly all assholes; maintaining or breaking generational cycles; facing the unknown; morality when none of your choices are "good" (and how that interacts with morality vs self preservation); power vs freedom; identity outside of the people who made you; etc. The choice would first be presented to her sometime in late Act I/early Act II, likely the first long rest after the group resurfaces from the Underdark and you've probably gotten some of her backstory already. I have no idea how Larian would have characterized Corellon, but he's considered one of the more benevolent/open-minded deities iirc, which could be interesting to see contrasted with Mystra, Vlaa'kith, and Shar. How much that open-mindedness would extend to a drow, even one who has been a faithful follower even before she escaped to the Surface (and who inherited that faith from her father), is unclear. At the beginning of the game she would be leaning towards accepting Redemption, despite her own misgivings about whether or not she would still be her in that case.
Her final decision (at the ending pier scene) would depend on the relationship she has with the PC and the other companions. Her best ending, imo, would be her not accepting Redemption but continuing to be a force for good. If she has a good relationship with the PC, she would have something to lose. I think seeing the House of Mourning would affect her too. After all, the thing Corellon is offering to her as a way to find peace is the same thing the Sharrans are using as a way to manipulate and control others.
She's viscerally aware of how she was socialized and very actively chooses "good", so pushing her towards a darker path would be incredibly difficult but not impossible. If you side with the goblins she'll leave immediately, and turn on you if she's in your party when you attack the grove. But if you decide to try and control the cult in Act II, depending on your over-all actions before then and how you've interacted with her, you could disillusion her to the point of convincing her to break her oath. That path would entail convincing her that controlling the cult is actually the best idea. I'm sure there would be other times that her oath could break that wouldn't necessarily lock her into an "evil" path, especially with how Oathbreakers are handled in the game. Knocking out Minthara instead of killing her outright and letting Auntie Ethel go in Act I instead of killing her are two things that come to mind.
If she doesn't choose Redemption she would be at the epilogue party, of course. I'm a bit undecided on what would happen if she does choose Redemption. She may not be there at all, w/ Jaheira, Halsin, Minthara, and/or Astarion mentioning running into her in her new, reincarnated state. Or she would be there, confused, and mention how the PC seems familiar in a way she can't quite place. In that case, she would ask them how they know each other and mention something about feeling a twinge of grief looking at everyone, but that she doesn't know why she feels that way. It would be up to the PC how much they tell her (if they tell her anything at all).
#ty for the ask mossy!!#and sorry for the wait lol a couple of these stumped me for a minute#thinking about peri & jaheira as narrative parallels...#b/c i want to be clear here. peri was and is *not* looking for more responsibility re: harpers#he was perfectly happy doing security systems. him not seeking power was an active character choice i made for him b/c he's a wizard#but in the Faerun In My Head (tm) the Waterdeep Harpers also get decimated by the Absolute b/c why would they not? theyd be a major threat#especially b/c their high harper was the catalyst for forming the lord's alliance and. like. you think they're *not* reconvening?#for Weird Cult Two: 2 Cult 2 Furious??#gortash would take remallia OUT if at all possible#and also I like torturing my characters#and i think the whole 'weight of duty'/hero's curse (once you get drawn into one situation you can't ignore the others/they come to you)#thing is interesting for peri in particular. the man just wants to live a quiet life and he will! for the most part.#just now with thousands of lives in his hands b/c he's helped stop 2 apocalypses and is irrevocably tied to the fate of the Coast now#his conscious wouldn't let him just leave the Harpers or Waterdeep to rot. and that seems to be similar to the situation jaheira's in#generational cycles the cruel march of time history repeats itself etc etc#that's also why i think he would get Weave'd and have an unusually long lifespan. he wanted to rest and the universe said “no <3”#i think about dora's story a lot also because the whole 'you can be redeemed (from something you were born with)#but only by removing integral parts of yourself' thing hits *right* in the religious trauma#you cant tell me there wouldn't be *some* part of a Redeemed Drow's soul that remembers the people from before they were changed#unless they just. get a new soul in which case it literally isn't them anymore.#doras first real & healthy relationships happen in-game#thats part of why she's drawn to astarion. his bullshit is predictable to her and therefore feels safer.#definitely safer than whatever is going on with the others#(also why she trusts karlach so quickly: she's straightforward and blunt & doesn't really hide things?#and was also the only one to warn her against astarion. dora'd literally never had someone like that in her life before so it stuck)#and she'd feel a bit uncomfortable w/ the concept of Redemption at first but who is she to argue with a god?#esp one who seems kinder than many of the others#but as the story progresses she realizes that she *can* trust these people and that they trust her#and she sees how Gale and Shadowheart and Lae'zel are struggling w/ their deities#and not only does she have something to lose now but she's seeing more of how the gods work generally
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there is something to be said though abt how through HW estinien, knowingly or not, systematically kills nidhogg's mate and children (tioman's death in sohm al angers and upsets nidhogg deeply and directly) one by one in a way that mirrors the way nidhogg killed his family.
maybe it was intentional. maybe not. but it is an interesting angle and it makes me really wish estinien wasn't so flat in HW bc a rampage of revenge against nidhogg that, like him, is understandable even if it isn't morally justifiable, that has estinien dipping into the same overt, self-destructive cruelty that drives nidhogg and prolongs the war would've been an actually great story arc had they been willing to actually make estinien unlikable and in the wrong for a minute.
#saint.txt#spoilers#major spoilers#estinienposting#ishgardposting#like I said once I think ysa.yle should've been on the edge of actually managing to get through sohm al safely#before esti.nien's impatience and trauma gets in the way and he biffs it for everyone.#centres the conflict on the actual issue which is the fact estinien's supposed to be the ishgardian nidhogg and like him#he has suffered something he (at that point) views as unforgivable and holds all dravanians but especially nidhogg as personally responsibl#the dungeon is still gross bc you're still invading a sacred space for indiscriminate slaughter but it's at least a better setup.#the aery as much as I hate it also works better as one man's self-destructive rage spiral in the wake of the Revelations#and as a hard reminder that at the core this is about revenge for esti.nien and 'ending the war' is just a backdrop to his real deal#and that he's actually probably utterly terrified of ending the DSW bc who is he without the safe mantle of the azure dragoon.#though honestly I still think there's too many problems w/ the aery for me to ever like it lmfao
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Gol-ly I sure wish I hadn't waited until I was being full-on triggered to realize that my living situation isn't good for me!
#i can feel all my major trauma responses kicking in and it's like. i can admit when i fuck up but they cant.#did text my landlord earlier to ask about open rooms and he gets 24 hours to respond before i call him#i should've done this sooner but was like nahhhh we get along it's okay and it is very much not okay#i cant communicate with someone who gets aggressive unpredictably and it's like. i understand WHY the aggression is there#but it doesnt make it any less scary for me; flat out did not eat my lunch at work and am making myself have some dinner#like. yes i messed up in not knowing how to care for a special needs animal while the owner disappeared for 3-4 consecutive days#I'm just. venting at this point but. there is an option for me to duck my head and go and I'm taking it as soon as i can U_U#hoatm rants
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yes it does, your parents are ususally the first people who force you into this kind of behaviour or at least that's why my therapist told me when I asked why that's such a girl thing.
OOF
(original text from article by devon price)
#like my parents always expected me to do more chores and more frequently compared to my older brother because I'm a girl#and if I didn't do them or do them to their liking their would be punishment#and if anything in our household was going wrong I had to be the emotional mediator even as a kid#all of which are situations in which the main goal is to please everyone so they won't get mad and punish you in some way#and once that's in your system it carries over to everything else#like because I had a bit of a growth spurt in primary school before everyone else I was almost kind of expected to “co-parent” the other#kids around me simply because I was like two heads taller than all of them even tho I was one of the youngest#and now in my current friendgroup everyone constantly expects me to manage one of my guy friends depression for him#they will actively notice he is doing bad and rather than talking to him himself they first go to me in dms and tell me to go talk to him#not even ask just “hey he's doing shit again you need to talk to him”#and I kept actually doing that for many years until I had a mental breakdown at the beginning of the year about it#because the vast majority of my friendgroup are guys and they always expect me to evaluate and manage their emotions and trauma for them#and I told them pretty clearly that if they do that shit again I will simply delete them from my life I have since gotten rid of 4 people#and now because I am breaking that established pleasing motherly care role I was forced into I am the asshole to everyone and#apparently going through my villain era#sorry for the trauma dump but I feel like a lot of girls with autism can relate to this#or at least it feels like a lot should because even my therapist knew this is a common thing so it has to be like REAL REAL common
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been cleaning my dorm for like 4 hours and it somehow does not feel like it has amounted to anything
#i have completed tasks things are better!! where the fuck is my dopamine you bitch#i couldn't deal w a lot of stuff in the way i would normally want to bc im trying to unfuck a LOT of things here#namely the cat piss closet. i have since washed basically everything in there bc they smell like piss#by virtue of sharing air with the piss for possibly weeks (im not bitter im not bitter) but ofc i can't put them#back in the closet bc it still smells like cat piss despite my best efforts#i am. very underequipped for this btw#anyway none of the major things i WANTED to be better are better despite effort (i.e. i wanted to stop living out of my suitcase#but i still can't do that bc the closet is still fucked up. so the scrubbing and scrubbing and scrubbing the floor and washing clothes#didn't lead to the tangible reward of not kicking my fucking suitcase every morning#and rascal Does Not Like It when im up and moving so a hazard of doing any chores is getting attacked#and oh boy did he#ugh i wanted to clear my weekend i had ASSIGNMENTS. I STILL HAVE ASSIGNMENTS#but thats not super appealing bc again im tired and i feel like dookie doodoo ass#but i don't want to have shit to do over the weekend bc i know my work is probably gonna be affected by my mental health#which is definitely gonna be affected by The Event. i wanna get my shit done before tomorrow afternoon but like. guh#whatever it's fine we roll nonetheless. i could probably get away with skipping another class or two over this anyway#only good thing about this#would be nice to go home and wash my face. shower. etc#anyway. if nobody got me i know kaiji fa.nart as my keyboard background got me 🤝#(chanting) no matter what kind of bad day im having kaiji's having a worse one no matter what kind of day im having kaiji's having a worse#horribly embarrassing moment where a friendly stranger in class saw like 4 kaijis in the margins and was like whos that :3#no it's not a bad thing i was just caught off guard and my drawing's rusty as fuck and whatever. bleh#im trying figure out his design bc im in trauma-bonded love aith him or whatever and#but my ass will NOT look up a reference. in class. and i haven't been drawing out of class bc ive been doing work for class. c'est la vie#wait i never closed that parenthesis. here:)#ech then again maybe i'll want the distraction of work. crossing that bridge when i get to it#after all i can just work ahead if that's the case yk#to explain the closet my roommate stayed in the dorm over winter break and i didn't and at some point in there#roomie's cat pissed on a fallen skirt like crazy. and then that piss was trapped in there for possibly weeks#and im not bitter not even a little that i didn't get an apology from my roommate. but hey don't ask and don't receive ig
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Yessssss. This was the one MAJOR issue I had with the movie. There was absolutely ZERO (good) indication that Ballister even lost his arm. The visual sum total of the scene is the sword getting slapped out of his hand, which understandably was jarring because you see him holding his shoulder at an odd angle ... oh his arm is held behind him I guess, too stunned to move again??? Ok. But he absolutely didn't incur a violently major life-threatening, limb-removal injury.
Quite literally, I could have never noticed that he'd ever lost his arm. I was THIS CLOSE to believing he'd ALWAYS had a robot arm because that scene was SO underwhelming. His reaction was so FLAT, and if you're watching through without pausing and you're not looking in the right spot with everything else going on, you don't even see the arm isn't attached.
Make him SCREAM, make him FALL, make him REACT. Show a red flash to indicate Goldenloin's sword bit flesh and not just thin air. Make the scene MEAN something to the characters, because it really didn't other than the presumed betrayal.
It just bothers me with how deep the hurt should have run in that scene. It could have been SO powerful and it failed so hard, leaving you to just plug the gaps after the fact.
Anyway this art is GREAT and I'm glad someone recognized what we COULD have had.
Most people who lose a body part experience something called 'the phantom pain'
Wich is basically when the brain goes "you know what? Imma refuse this body part doesn't exist, gonna think its there, and right now, it hurts like LITERAL HELL"
#ooof#YES#Nimona#I don't even know what prompted me to check back to even realized he'd lost his arm#that scene was so poorly done#had to do a before and after comparison all like#'oh look he sure did have a real arm when he picked up the sword'#and now he doesn't#practically took the show saying 'arm chopping isn't a love language' to confirm when he lost it#and that you weren't meant to assume it just happened at a random point after that event to show that TIME HAS PASSED#:')#anyway#awesome artwork#show's great u should watch#also apparently you're just not supposed to blink during that scene at all lol#dunno if I'm the only one who missed it but like#I feel like if anyone misses a major trauma there is something wrong with how the scene went xD#commentary
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