#been feeling really bad this week and not done much work so idk whether i should stay home and study

[cliveguy]

😑 the seminar skipping beast has awoken within me

[exopelagic]

I am baking cake at midnight and it is going to kill me <3

[sxfterhearts]

convenience store comfort: a jongseob headcannon

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ non-idol!jongseob x angry + tired!y/n ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅

♡ genre/warnings: just fluff, seob and y/n aren't together (yet), reader is angry (!!) and jongseob is there to comfort her + calm her down <3 mentions of alcohol and late night CU shenanigans

♡ word count: 1.8k words, all dotpoints, lowercase and no punctuation intended (+ weird formatting grrr)

♡ author's note: a lot of people requested for jongseob. idk whether its bc im perfectionistic but im not 100% happy with this, so i will defs do another one soon to do him and your requests justice (╥ ᴗ ╥)

♡ a song to listen to: just dont know it yet, new hope club

//

you and seobie were dance class partners since you were in kindergarten :))) omg imagine little seob and little you jamming to songs – so adorable

you had your regular weekly meetup with the dance crew to go over some new choreography and jam to some new songs recommended by your crew members

the moment you entered the dance studio and locked eyes with jongseob (who was doing his regular warmups on the floor) he could already tell something was up

your hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail, glasses resting crookedly on your head, sleeves rolled up unevenly - as though you just emerged from a hurricane

as you approached jongseob’s corner he lowkey panicked

he could see your eyebrows were scrunched up and your lips formed in an adorable pout - too adorable for him to keep a straight face, so he just muttered softly under his breath, “long day?”

you plopped down onto the floor next to him, immediately collapsing into a heap. you laid down with your head resting close to his lap, and arms and legs spread out, staring up at the ceiling. “couldn’t be worse,” you replied irritatedly.

the rest of practice went by in a blur - you could barely keep up with the moves - instead opting to linger at the back next to jongseob

you were trying to subtly copy his moves, but was promptly called out by your leader for slacking off and forgetting the moves from last week

by the time everyone vacated the studio, it was safe to say that you were pissed. and so done with life.

“should we go to CU?” jongseob asked, careful, as though he was walking on eggshells around you - unsure when you were about to explode.

“let’s go” you replied without even looking at him, snatching your bag off the ground and turning promptly on your heels, already making your way out of the studio.

“hey!! wait up, y/n!”

it became a tradition to grab snacks from the CU downstairs after difficult dance practices

it all started in high school, when jongseob was devastated after losing a dance comp and you tried to cheer him up by buying him every single flavour of gummy candies on offer 

(it didn’t really work, but when jongseob chewed on the pillowy soft bits of peachy goodness whilst staring at the funny faces you pulled to cheer him up, he could feel his tired heart begin to warm up)

“what do you- oh.” he was about to ask what you wanted, because it was his treat (by tradition: the person who is in charge of cheering the other up would pay), but the words caught in his throat when he followed you around the CU, leading him straight to the alcohol section – it mustve been pretty bad if you were reaching for the sojus

“are you having some?” you asked, without turning your head. you inspected the variety of alcohol on offer, and quickly settled on two bottles of unflavoured soju when he squeaked an affirmative yes in reply.

you quickly trotted over to the pouch drinks section and picked up the peach ade flavour without much deliberation, knowing that itwas jongseob’s favourite flavour, and two packs of peach gummy candies on the way to the counter (jongseob blushed because you remembered..)

he whipped out his card, paid for the drinks and snacks, and followed you like a little duckling to the bar seats by the windows

safe to say, after downing one whole bottle of soju (with barely any peach ade), you were a blubbering mess

“that.. that stupid, stupid, argh!!!” you munched furiously on the gummies, biting off their little heads first before chomping on their little bodies (jongseob almost felt bad for them) “why is he so incompetent?!”

you were referring to the new guy you were training at your workplace. initially jongseob was unsure how to feel about your newest colleague, especially after harbouring a silent, unrequited crush on you for the longest time. but his worries were quickly squashed after hearing you drunkenly curse out this guy’s name, followed by a string of… colourful words

“is it not common sense to… turn.. turn off the steamer after steaming the milk?? or to wipe spills, when you knock over,” you paused to hiccup, “a cup?” another hiccup

an adorable quirk of yours was that you started to hiccup if you drank or ate anything too quickly. jongseob handed you an opened bottle of green tea to slow down your drinking.

“i.. i mean! cmon! he’s so dumb!” you continued your little monologue, arms gesturing wildly - to the point that jongseob had to hold your hands steady and lead the bottle up to your mouth to make sure you were drinking something that was non-alcoholic.

“drink slowly,” he reminded you in an even tone. he kept trying to maintain a neutral expression but he had to admit that you were kinda funny in this drunken state, cute and frustrated

you hummed, listening to him as you stared at him with big eyes, gulping slowly. his adam apple bobbed up and down as he swallowed himself, feeling somewhat self-conscious now that your attention was completely on him

“why are you like this?” you asked after a few sips, suddenly looking like you were sober again

“like… like what?” jongseob asked nervously, like a deer caught in headlights - scared that he did something wrong.

“like this…” your pointer finger came up to poke his chest, and he felt his heart pound under your touch. 

jongseob just stared at you, confused

“just.. just like, you always… you take care of me so good…” you mumbled, finding the prints on his big oversized t-shirt very fascinating all of a sudden

now it was jongseob’s turn to widen his eyes - was this just the alcohol talking? he forced out a nervous laugh. “yeah, you’re always getting in trouble, so i always have to be there for you”

“yeah but, why?”

“cos…” jongseob looked away. between your finger on his chest and your gaze on his face, he couldn’t possibly look at you anymore without blurting out something he might regret. “cos.. youre you, and i’m me, and i’ve known you forever, and we always look out for each other” he began to nervously toy with lid of the soju bottle, unknowingly shaping the metal bit into a heart… “plus im not doing anything, you’re just letting out some steam”

“i get…” another hiccup “i mean i get that.. b-but like…” you paused, raising your open palm in front of his face to steal his attention. “like…”

he understood what you meant immediately and wordlessly poured a few peach gummies into your hands, his own larger ones coming to hold yours tenderly while doing so scream!!

you chewed slowly while in deep thought “like..”

“finish chewing first, y/n..” jongseob reminded, half-teasingly and half-seriously, worried that you might choke

“like! like… ah…” you sighed exasperatedly, taking a big gulp of green tea. you looked like you were solving a math problem in your head, which was concerning, because jongseob knew how much you hated math

“what are you trying to say exactly?” he couldnt help but to laugh at you. there were only a handful of times where he’s seen you get this drunk and every single time it ended up like this - you trying to have a coherent conversation with jongseob and him just playing along with your drunk antics

“seriously? i have no clue.” you said, defeated. with a big exhale, you extended your arms on the table and rested your head on top of it, facing him. you pointed at him again, as he watched you intently. “jongseob.”

“hmm?”

“it’s a disaster”

“what is? your day? i know that already - you just spent the past hour explaining that to me”

“no, well, y-yes, but no…” you trailed off, fingers wiggling accusatively at him while you scrunched up your nose. adorable, he thought. “it’s a disaster.” another hiccup

“why??? y/n, maybe it’s time we get you home…”

“no seobie, dont want to.” you shook your head and body violently in response. “want to stay here with you!”

jongseob felt his entire body tingle with warmth and slight embarrassment, because no way you meant it like that… no way, this is unrequited love after all, right? 

“seobie…” you looked at him, eyes filled with emotions jongseob can’t really figure out. was it a pleading expression? or were you asking for something? he wasnt sure - but one things for sure - he would give you anything you wanted

“...yeah?”

“can you… can we just stay here for a bit? im tired…” you reached out for him with grabby hands, and he complied easily - after all, he would give you the world

your hands gripped tightly to jongseobs, as you started another round of monologues, “you know, sometimes… sometimes i think i just need someone to listen to me. you do that really well. and its like when i tell you about what bothers me, the worries… they just…”

“...disappear?” he finished for you, squeezing your hand in response. he couldnt help it - his neutral facade broke. at the start of the night, he was a little scared and unsure of what to expect. you were hard to read when you were emotional. but now, sitting here next to you in the 24hr convenience store, one bottle of soju and two packets of peach gummies deep into the night, he felt the corner of his lips turn upwards. after all, he would always go along with whatever you wanted

“yeah.” you smiled at him, eyes blinking slowly, as though you were about to fall asleep. after a while, you felt the fatigue seep into your bones and overtake your entire body, and succumbed to its temptations. 

you shifted in your seat to get comfortable and snuggled into jongseob’s arms like a body pillow, pulling him closer and closer to you. it was a slightly awkward position for jongseob, and he could feel the pins and needles starting to prickle on his limbs, but then, after a moment of silence, you muttered something under your breath.

“what is it? do you need something? is it uncomfortable?”

you giggled, his response so characteristic of him. he was always doting on you, always making sure you were alright, always ready at your beck and call. it gave you more confidence to repeat your words: “jongseob, i think im in love with you”

the poor boy nearly choked on air - but held it in so as to not compromise your position. “you… you what? what?”

“i love you, jongseob.” you said, cracking one eyelid open. just to prove your point, you brought his hand to your lips and pressed a soft kiss to the back of his hand, and then with the accuracy of a tipsy person, you pushed his hand towards his lips.

“there. we kissed, indirectly.” you said, satisfied with yourself, bursting into another round of giggles. 

jongseob, ohmygosh, he didnt know what to do. his brain shortcircuited and he just sat there, letting you laugh at him while the tips of his ears turned bright red

[studentbyday]

week 1. a stuttering start.

i can't believe autumn is already approaching. i feel like i haven't done much to truly live on my own terms this year... (the majority of my time was spent either chained to my desk, living the studying hermit life as usual, or...and this is a new one for this era of my life, feeling like a child following the real adults around on my travels which @zzzzzestforlife documents way better tbh. the travels, that is...)

in addition i've been feeling very unmotivated and numb this school year. even more so than usual. i've never been as zesty as...well, Zesty when it comes to new school years, but it has slowly been getting worse since i started uni and i think i'm getting dangerously close to falling off some cliff i'll later realize was an important cliff to not fall off of. do you get what i mean? i'm only speaking vaguely because i myself do not quite know.

i oscillate between wanting to be extraordinary and extra ordinary. i have fallen back into bad habits, which do not set a good precedent. and overall i feel lost. so so lost that i started reading designing your life. and dulled by the isolation of school i can hardly focus. it's not a new problem, i've just finally been able to put words to it after all these years. engaging and/or cathartic verbal conversation brings me back to life, whether i'm listening or speaking, but i don't get enough of that in my daily life...this is just a very weird mundane state to be in. don't get me wrong, i was relieved to get back to this life with a very predictable pattern after the hectic-ness of travel, but something about it always felt off and i almost can't believe that only now i've realized why.

anyway, feelings pass. and i have overcome the jet lag, so i am that much more energized (and perhaps a little more desperate) to bulldoze through this problem.

Study:

Read/skimmed all the syllabi for anything new (much of it is the same year-to-year as they're all courses in the same faculty and i am resigned to the fact that there will be weighty group work in at least one course out of every year)

Caught up on course announcements

Finished microbiology module for this week (hmmm i read like half of this module last year when i attempted and then dropped this course so it wasn't the most interesting the second time around but i think it'll get better as i get to the new stuff and the nitty-gritty details 🔬 mwahahaha 🦠 i also decided last minute to make flashcards for these and had to transfer my notes to anki. i wish there weren't so many isolated facts or similar but distinct processes i need to remember.)

Made flashcards for half of this week's immunology content (seems to be a memorization-heavy course and i think i really need the active recall since i barely remember the pre-req info 😅 luckily they review it in the module... 🤭)

Reviewed some of the flashcards made this week

Worked on (but didn't finish) global health slides for this week (i'm...not entirely sure what i should be taking notes on or how because...this all seems either very common sense or kind of..."woo-woo" based on my way of understanding the world...but ig that's my own biases talking? i hope they'll just test us on the common sense stuff. that will be easier for my brain 🥴)

Around half of pathology slides are left from this week (probably the most work intensive course i'm taking rn based on the timeline 😵 but also it's shaping up to be my favorite subject this semester because the modules are so well designed AND it's large processes or, even if it's smaller concepts, they're all connected to each other so i don't need flashcards!...i think! i can just pull on the thread of memory and it all unspools (...ideally...)!)

Wrote down due dates for all assessments this semester

Other life things: (yeah idk what to call this section)

I became a 6AM girlie!!! 🥰🥰🥰

Unpacked

Washed my water bottle

Caught up with a friend 💗

Health:

Yoga x2

Journalled x2

Early morning walk in nature x1 (the air smelled so so fresh i was so glad i went out...and even gladder that i went out when i did because after that the air quality got super bad from wildfire smoke 🥺)

Pilates x1 (i made it! in 2 split sessions, but still! and i feel great!!! 😃 i'm so glad i found this channel because she explains the moves in a way that i can get it even with my bad coordination 😅 she also goes slowly and there is no annoying workout music so i can completely focus on the movements and how they feel, it's perfect. 😊)

Music in My Head:

Blue Danube Waltz (OG piano version)

Treat People With Kindness

On the Sunny Side of the Street

Hikaru Nara (the perfect song for my current ambivalent mood because the whole theme of the anime, which is reflected in the sound of this arrangement, is the need to reignite your spark for the things that mean something to you and make the absolute most of it because life is short)

a few dark academia playlists that i put on loop to study to (links under the cut) (somehow the ones with new age music are the only ones i can listen to...light/quiet enough that it doesn't interrupt my thoughts but intense and melodic enough that it puts me in the mood to focus 😅)

[restinslices]

Could you possibly do a scenario where the reader goes to Johnny and asks him for romantic advice because she has a crush on Kitana or Mileena? “Man I’m desperate, I had no idea who else to ask.” Type of scenario.

This kinda short. It only has 1101 words and idk if I fully like this but fuck it, we ball. Idk why I’m so bad at fluff😭

Content Warning: Johnny

The word “crush” was typically used by children. Almost everyone has had a crush in their younger years. Someone in their class, or a random person in a hall, or someone in a higher grade level. Even celebrity crushes are usually talked about by younger people. Because of this, people tended to foolishly think that having a crush would no longer be a thing when they got older.

You were one of those people. Unfortunately, you found out that that way of thinking was false.

You hoped it was simply attraction when it came to Kitana, but the more time you spent together, the more you realized it went beyond that. Everything about her was perfect. Her hair, her smile, the way she’d scoff when hearing something stupid, her need to protect her family and defend the innocent. That was just a small list of what made Kitana amazing. 

You groaned and put your head in your hands. You were so pathetically in love with her and had no idea if she’d ever feel the same way about you.

”I’m almost done with the story. Relax” Johnny elbowed your arm and smiled at you. For weeks you debated on whether or not you should ask someone for advice. It couldn’t be Liu Kang, because that felt like asking a parent. Kung Lao and Raiden were busy training new recruits, so you didn’t wanna bother them. Any other allies like Syzoth, Ashrah, Kuai Liang and Tomas were busy with other things. Bi-Han… well… you couldn’t ask him for obvious reasons. You probably wouldn't have even if he hadn’t betrayed everyone. 

That left you with one other option that was in Earthrealm. Johnny Cage.

Pros? Johnny had plenty of experience with romance, so he had to have some sort of advice.

Cons? Johnny is Johnny. Johnny tends to blab about his movies, like he was doing now. To be fair to him though, you hadn’t worked up the courage to admit you wanted his help. It just seemed strange to have to ask for help with a crush as an adult. 

You lifted your head and looked at him. You don't know what he saw on the other side of his shades -or why he was wearing shades indoors- but it must've tipped him off that something was wrong. 

“I have a feeling you're not worried about whether or not the movie had a happy ending”. You rolled your eyes at his joke. You hadn't even been listening the whole time he was talking. 

“Absolutely not”. Johnny leaned back against the couch and sucked his teeth. 

“You sure?”

“Positive” He booed at you, which made you swat his arm. “I got serious shit I need help with”. He looked at you as if saying “go on”. So you did before you'd say nevermind and run out of there. You let it all spill out. How much you liked Kitana, how you had no idea how to make a move on her and other pathetic sounding things that came out before you could stop it. When you finished, Johnny sighed and took off his shades. 

“And of course you came to me for help” he said with pride. “I am a love expert”

“Please!” You scoffed. “I just had no one else to go to. You're a last resort Cage-”. He put his finger against your lips to shush you. 

“Shhh… it's okay. I'd ask myself for advice too if I were you- hey!” he pulled his finger back when you tried to bite him. “No biting the love expert”. 

“Already regretting this” you mumbled. Johnny either didn't hear or didn't care. You had your bets on the latter. 

“So you want Kitana? Now that's a woman! You're gonna have to be real smooth to earn her heart”. Those weren't really helpful words but you kept listening anyway. “Kitana seems like she'd love confidence. You can't be all small and scared. You gotta walk with confidence”. He pulled you up to your feet after he stood up. “Puff your chest out”. 

“What?”. Johnny moved to your side and pushed on your back, making you slightly arch and your chest raise. “This feels ridiculous”. Johnny shook his head. 

“Women love confidence. Kitana loves confidence. This gives the image of confidence. Now walk with confidence”. 

Walk with confidence?

You started to walk how you usually did but Johnny stopped you immediately. “No! Walk with confidence!”

“What the hell does that even mean?”

“You gotta walk with long strides but a little slow. Like a model”

“You want me to walk slow?” You looked him up and down with distrust. “Why?”. 

“It'll give her more time to look at you”. You felt stupid, but you did it again and again until Johnny was satisfied. It felt more like bootcamp than love help. 

“Now here comes the confession part. The trick…” you leaned in in anticipation. “Don't”. 

“Wha-”

“No questions without a raised hand”

“I'm gonna raise my hand and beat you with it”

“And I will prosecute you to the highest extent of the law”

“AnD i WiLl-”

“Do you want Kitana or not?”

“Of course I do!”. Johnny put his finger to his lip in a shushing motion. You sucked up your pride and stopped talking. 

“Now, you don't wanna confess. None of that 'oh I love everything about you. I think you're so beautiful and intelligent’ nonsense. You approach her-”. Johnny put back on his shades, put his hands on his hips and got uncomfortably close. “Listen babe, you and I… we could be something. You're diggin’ me and I'm diggin’ you. This Saturday we got a date”. 

“Shouldn't I ask instead of telling her to go on a date with me?”. Johnny shook his head at you. 

“You do that and you don't seem confident! Remember confidence is the key!”. 

This made no sense. So let's recap. Johnny wanted you to puff your chest like a peacock, walk like a model and tell Kitana that you two were going on a date instead of asking? 

Maybe you should've just googled this. 

“Um, okay… great talk Johnny” you patted his shoulder then walked towards the door before he could protest. “Great talk. Brilliant talk. Enjoyed it. I'll remember it!”. You closed the door behind you and sped walked to your car, leaving Johnny alone in his house. 

Once you got in your car, you sighed. Well… that was something that happened. You pulled out your phone and went to the voice notes app. 

“Note to self. Never ever ask Johnny Cage for love advice again”. 

[fruitsoxs]

I just read the jealousy drably you posted and I already really enjoy your writing! I’m a sucker for hurt/comfort and I was wondering if we could get a part 2 of sorts with comforting and loving Vash after realizing the situation made him a bit upset/ jealous. Whether you write it or not, I can’t wait to see your further work 👍

i decided to throw these two requests together!

Part 1

pairings: vash x reader , wolfwood x reader

warnings: a bit of angst, vash cries, wolfwood is kind of a jerk

notes: yeah- part 2 so soon for you babes. ily all! he one bed trope is kinda weak here so i think i might write another drabble or fic later because I love that trope. also is this a little too long to be a drabble? idk

Vash

Your eyes flicker to the man beside you for a moment. He’s not looking at you- no his eyes are conveniently tracing every other thing in this room but you. His blue eyes refuse to land on you, no matter how much you try to intercept his vision. You briefly wonder how long he can look at the same lamp before getting bored, but your sarcastic thoughts are cut short when he finally speaks up.

“I’ll switch with Meryl-” Vash says suddenly causing your eyes to widen in confusion. 

What is going on with him? 

Sure this room only has one bed. Yeah it’s a little awkward, but it’s never been such a big problem before. In fact, you have been traveling with Vash for so long that it has happened multiple times before and has never been this big of a deal! You thought the two of you were close enough that something this small wouldn’t matter- but apparently you were wrong.

Actually, Vash has been acting like this for a little over a week now. He’s been avoiding your gaze, not talking to you, and even refusing to joke around like he once did. Every time you try to approach him, it feels like he’s putting up this wall to keep you away. Even the others have started to notice. Wolfwood has been giving the two of you curious glances, and he’s kinda bad at picking up on that stuff.

You’re honestly starting to get tired of it- he’s given you no explanation about why he’s suddenly distant, and it’s beginning to really hurt. You aren’t just close with him, you’re pretty much in love with him. You have been for a long time- and while you don’t mind staying friends, it hurts more than anything to have him push you away this far.

“Don’t bother.” You finally answer after a moment of silence. “They won’t switch with either of us- they did this on purpose.” You explain throwing your bag into the corner of the room. Vash flinches at this- and you sighand take a deep breath. 

Another awkward silence fills the room, and you find yourself staring at him as he avoids your gaze again. His eyes shoot over to you for only half a second before they go back to that stupid lamp. A deep anger starts to bubble up in your chest. You don’t like getting mad at him. You barely ever do. But right now? He’s hurting you. Every time he looks away, every time he ignores you, it makes your heart sting.

You can’t even think of a reason why he’s doing this! It all started a week ago after a night at the bar. You went to grab everyone some drinks, and when you came back Vash was gone. When you asked, Wolfwood just shrugged and told you he went to bed. After that? Nothing.

“Which side do you want?” You ask, trying desperately to get anything out of him. Vash just shrugs. “I’ll take the floor.” He says without even turning to you.

Your heart sinks. What have you done? You don’t understand. 

“What is going on with you?” You suddenly ask, a little angrier than you mean to be. You can see a change in his body immediately. He goes rigged- tense. “What do you mean?” He asks. You sigh and slump down onto the bed- resting your head in your hands. “You’ve been quiet- too quiet. Every time I try to talk to you, you find some excuse to walk away. You won’t sit next to me in the car. You refuse to even look at me-” You cut yourself off, feeling tears threaten to spill from your eyes. “What did I do?”

He looks over at you with wide eyes. It’s the first time he’s looked at you in days, and now you can see that something is very wrong. His eyes are dark- his face is pale. He looks like he hasn’t slept in days. 

Oh.

You’re so stupid. All this time you’ve been so hurt by him ignoring you, you haven’t really paid attention to him. This isn’t about you, or maybe it is, but there’s obviously something deeper happening here. There’s something really wrong.

“You didn’t do anything. I-” He starts to explain- but can’t seem to get it out. He turns away from you again. “It’s me.” He finally concludes. In the moonlight from the window you can see his shoulders shake slightly. 

“Oh Vash…” You immediately get up and reach out for his arm, he doesn’t stop you. You grab him and pull him close, hugging him tightly. “What’s wrong?”

He doesn’t hug you back for a second- his body stiff. Eventually though, his arms wrap around you and he pulls you close. The hug feels normal- like you’ve done it a thousand times before. And to be fair- you have. 

“The other day at the bar…that guy was flirting with you.” Vash murmurs, and your eyes widen. That silly random doctor? He was a bit funny yes- but you only were talking to him because you felt a little cornered. You don’t even remember what that guy looks like. “I saw you laughing- and I just got so jealous.” 

Your heart flutters softly. He was jealous?

“And…I just kept thinking that I have no right to feel that way. I have no right to think of you that way. Everyone around me always gets hurt, and I don’t want you to get hurt.” He’s crying as he explains this, light tears dripping from his cheeks onto your shoulder. “But I can’t help but be selfish. You’re more than my best friend I…” he trails off choking up. “I love you.”

You feel your breathing stop for a moment. The room goes eerily quiet. The onlys pounds you can hear are his soft sobs, and your heartbeat. You tighten your hold on him, so he can’t even try to pull away. “I…I love you  too.” You admit softly.

“But-”

“No. I love you too. You can’t…you can’t do this to yourself. You can’t force yourself to be isolated from the world. I don’t want you to push me away- I don’t care what your reasoning is.” You cling to him as you speak. “I want to be by your side. Please let me.” You beg softly.

His arms tighten around you too, and he shoves his face into your hair, still crying quietly. You rub his back with your hand, and murmur soft words into his skin until he calms down. Soon, the two of you are just holding each other in the moonlight. 

“Okay.” is all he says, pulling away. He’s smiling down at you through red eyes, and it’s the most genuine smile you’ve ever seen. “I promise, I won’t push you away ever again.”

You reach your hand up to his cheek, and he turns his face to kiss your palm lightly. The two of you stare at each other for a second. “I’ll take the left side.” he breaks the moment with a playful grin and you giggle.

The rest of the night is spent cuddling and talking about your feelings. The only tears shed after that are happy tears.

Wolfwood

Despite having a romantic dance at a random bar (and yes, Wolfwood is a surprisingly good dancer) the next day things go back as they always are. Actually, things feel a little bit worse even. After weeks of trying to break down Wolfwood’s ridiculously high walls, you were finally granted a pleasant evening in his arms- only to immediately be cussed at for sitting a little too close to him in the car the next day.

It’s not like you were sitting on his lap either! All you did was softly press your leg up against his, because Vash was once again thrashing in his sleep- and he pushed you over and grumbled for you to get back in your own fucking seat. Charming right? 

Things kept getting worse after that. You two started bickering more. You both started to refuse to talk to each other at some point, forcing poor Vash to be your messenger(he was not a fan of telling you to fuck yourself for Wolfwood). You even got into a tiny argument over directions, that resulted into a bigger argument about how utterly useless you are. (Which definitely did not make you cry that night)

The others in the group were starting to get really fed up with the two of you. 

Which is how you ended up here- standing in the hallway to your tiny hotel room with Wolfwood staring at you from the doorway. He looks over to the single bed in the room, and glares at you. “This is my room.” he says matter of factly, putting his Punisher down against the wall. 

“No, I’m pretty sure this is my room.” you respond, crossing your arms.

“One second.” He huffs disappearing out into the hallway. You wait a moment, staring at where he once was with a frown. When he comes back he looks like he’s considerably more angry. “Apparently- it’s our room.” He mumbles shoving past you. 

Your eyes widen a bit, but you’re not as surprised as you should be. Meryl is sneaky when she wants to be.

There’s some shuffling behind you, and you turn to see Wolfwood grabbing some pillows and throwing them on the ground. He’s got a look on his face that’s not quite a frown. It actually looks more anxious than anything. It makes your own anger fall. 

“What are you doing?” You ask tilting your head as he messes with his floor pillows. “I’m sleeping on the ground.” he tells you, looking up for only a split second. You notice that there’s a sucker in his mouth that’s almost completely gone- it’s his second one in the past hour. He must be stressing over something.

“No you’re not.” You sigh and lean down to pick up his pillows. He catches your wrist softly, stopping you. “Yes I am.” he argues back. His grip is nothing short of respectful, so soft that you actually don’t even think of pulling away. “No, I won’t let you.” you shoot back, making him roll his eyes.

“What’re you gonna do? Force me to sleep on the bed?”

“Actually yeah- I am.”

“Oh? And how are you gonna do that Angel?”

The nickname makes you perk up a bit. It’s been a couple of days since he called you that. Maybe this means the stick up his ass is finally gone?

“Just sleep in the damn bed Wolfwood-”

“I don’t want to-” He growls, glaring at you once again. His look seems to say ‘Stop pushing me’, but you’ve never been so good at obeying warnings. So you grab his pillow and yank it away from the floor. “Too bad!” You yell, trying to throw the stupid thing back onto the bed. He stops you by yanking the pillow back towards him.

The two of you stop and glare at each other, both holding onto the pillow like children. The stare off goes on until you finally give up, sighing. “Look, if you don’t want to sleep next to me that bad- I’ll sleep on the floor.” You mumble, your chest suddenly feeling very tight.

“That’s not it…”

“ Don’t argue with me. You carry around that stupidly big cross all day- wait what?”

Your eyes meet his, and he looks down at the floor. There’s a hint of a blush on his cheeks, so faint you can barely see it. “I said that’s not it. It’s not that I don’t wanna sleep next to ya…” He lets go of the pillow with a sigh, and fishes into his pocket to pull out a cigarette. In silence, he places it into his mouth and lights it.

“Then what’s the problem?” You ask a little confused. If that’s not what his issue is then what is it? Does he think you don’t want to? You’ve made it pretty clear that you wouldn’t mind! So what’s his deal?

“The problem is....” He starts looking at you as he breathes some smoke out. “I want to.” 

Your breath hitches in your throat as you look at him. “Oh.” is all you can say as your cheeks flush red. He wants to? He wants to sleep with you? He wouldn’t be this upset if he meant platonically right? He’s definitely hinting at something right? His cheeks are a bit red too

“Me too…” you finally admit after. He laughs at your words and runs a hand through his hair. “Yeah I figured. You were pretty aggressive about getting me into bed.” He mumbles playfully leaning down to pick up the pillow, and throws it over onto the bed. You can’t help but feel the corners of your mouth twist upward.

After a few moments of silence, he steps towards you and puts his hand on your cheek. “I’m sorry for being an ass recently. I just…I don’t know how to deal with this stuff.” He mumbles looking down into your eyes. “It’s okay Nick…We can take it slowly. We can figure it out as we go…” you reply softly. He smiles down at you. “You’re too good for me.”

And then, he kisses you. It’s so soft, and so careful. His lips are only against yours for a moment before he pulls away. “Let’s get some rest.”

small a/n: as always let me know if you see any typos- i only have someone to beta read my full fics, and i cannot correct my own writing.

[t4t4t]

Trying to tell Collie to focus in the grocery store got interpreted as being rude and I just immediately left the store the way Eddie looked at me. Then he tried talking to me in the car and I didn't really feel like talking but he was demanding responses that I understood him. He seemed to interpet so much not wanting to talk or responding "wrong" as "childishness" and said as much in like ten different ways and said I couldn't ask to use the car anymore. I suppose I need to apologize for.... being misinterpreted as rude and not wanting to talk being misinterpreted as "childishness."

We went to the adhd check in appointment today, I can't get stimulants prescribed from that clinic because I told them I used K and I'd have to wait a whole year to get prescribed stimulants, unless I find another prescribing clinic in that time. Eddie had a recommendation of where to go that wouldn't say that to me, I guess. I guess I wouldn't have known prior but goddamn.

My foot still hurts to walk on. I should just have waited in the car in the first place, I waited outside sitting on the ground. Maybe he shouldn't have come at all, he couldn't contribute much, they were already committed and couldn't be convinced.

I feel unloved, it feels like my presence here is more precarious than Collie's... I'm not sure how much Eddie or Alina seem to like me but it's probably less than Collie... Collie waffles still every day on whether she'll spontaneously call me a creep or a loser or that she loves me. I doubt I'll be kicked out but being told I can't ask to be driven somewhere in that car seems bad.

He kept on saying he feels the need to give me advice he feels he shouldn't have to give as a younger person to someone who's older than him, which just like. Wtf. Why this whole framing. Dammit. I don't have many older friends. :/ I don't really have any real friends irl, maybe Mara will want to hang out again but it's been ages, maybe Violet will but it's been ages. Ophelia doesn't seem to like me. Idk.

Yalls warm messages was the highlight of my day I guess. Anon hate just as we got home and just after Eddie told me the thing about the car felt really awful but yeah. Thanks.

I wonder how serious that was. He told me I should get used to the bus all snarkily.

Yknow I haven't came a single time since we've been here ? They barely touch me at all. Collie sometimes fools around with me with clothes on but she wants me to top 80% and I can't get hard anymore. I've tried twice and neither went well. Not that I want to, I want a vaginoplasty and I don't want phallus preserving. I barely masturbate and I barely like it when I do. I hope it happens this year but it might not. :/

She asks me to get clean sometimes for anal which I haven't done in so long... I don't feel like the room is fully ours to ask to commandeer. Eddie's been fucked more than anyone else, but I'm not even entirely sure that's his preference, just how it's worked out so far. Alina and I have kissed, and Eddie and I have kissed, but that's been it so far with both of them. Eddie and I have given each other hickies but he hasn't done it in a week. Idk. None of us have felt the best this past week but it sure felt lonely.

[hikennosabo]

trimax vol 12 random thoughts

okayyy i'm FINALLY done with all the art i had to do this week so i can focus on writing this post lol. this volume is so much, i don't know if i want to read it again...

i love that vash is ourple on the cover <3

chapter 1:

i like domina, she's cute. tbh i wasn't sure whether she was a plant at first because i assumed they were all blonde...

wait, pause, tell me about this. what are the circumstances of the other plant fusion incidents. were they rebelling against humans, same as knives? or were there other reasons??

vash's black hair is so STRIKING. i'm sad about it but i also kind of love how it looks...

the memory montage has been talked about like a dozen times by now, so idk if i can add anything that hasn't already been said... LOL. there's some deep cuts in here, i don't even remember them all... it really speaks to vash's memory of people. and there are anime-only characters too, which is cool! part of me wants to go through each page and label everyone but... nah.

ik they've taken a bit of a backseat in the latter half of the manga, but i feel like meryl and milly's section should be larger. :( and for that matter, legato takes up a lot of real estate on his page?! that's kind of unexpected... although legato and vash DID have that seven-month-long psychic battle... and i guess legato is on vash's mind rn because of the coins... so i suppose it makes sense...

a few things about the ghg page - first of all, WHO is that on the top right?! is that supposed to be elendira??? is it??? because it's not like vash doesn't know what she looks like, they've met face to face!

secondly... livio. this is his old self. face in shadow, skull mask visible. i don't think this necessarily means vash still views livio like this; that's unlike vash. livio's face is obscured while his mask and long hair are highlighted, both things that he has discarded along with his identity as a gung-ho gun. this is vash remembering the gung-ho guns specifically. it IS a bit sad that this is what livio gets... i suppose drawing him twice might've been redundant, but still...

a bunch of people have already pointed out wolfwood's grave being depicted next to rem and given equal weight/importance (page space) as her, so all i'll say is that scrolling through the pages and expecting to see wolfwood but getting hit with his grave instead was a fucking gut punch that i DID NOT need.

anti-plant missiles... so plant incidents have been common enough that they'd need to be built in the first place, and built into the fleet at that...

so they CAN be broken apart?! i see...

domina is so funny.

the ark just straight up vanishing really had me think for a second "wow! so that's the power of thor's hammer!" but no it just teleported. LOL

knives... oh, knives... he's looking less and less like a person. i'm probably supposed to be horrified, but i'm just sad.

chapter 2:

knives is the first creature in the universe to warp... wow... he's so talented~ i'm proud of him~

domina is so CUTE!!!! it's too bad what happens to her right after this... and it's impressive how likable she becomes in just a few short scenes. it makes her death more effective than it would be otherwise.

nothing to say, i just think they're cute.

knives putting his feelers out to interfere with the earth fleet was brought up in... volume 9, i think... so it's not like this was completely unexpected. (also "feelers" is kinda cute... like a bug...) wow... knives is fighting so smartly~ i'm proud of him~

i speculated a few volumes ago if knives would try to "save" the earth plants, but he just want to kill them... or at least kill the independents. i still feel like i don't have a full picture of what it's like for plants on earth or the relationship between humans and independents. either way, it's unconscionable to knives that independents would work with humans like this...

chapter 3:

perhaps i shouldn't laugh but shooting straight up into the air is such a dumb thing to do. haha get rained on idiots.

brad is stunned at their idiocy, lol.

chronica worrying over domina is sweet. she's not always "cold and calculating"...

i love how this spread is framed, with the black bars on the top and the bottom. it's cool.

and the double meaning of the chapter title. "the interceptor"... knives intercepting the earth fleet and vash intercepting knives's connection to the fleet...

uhhh... i don't have that much to say about this chapter...

chapter 4:

the universe conspired to deal me massive psychic damage by having 'brother' by gerard way start playing on shuffle while i was rereading this bit... i don't NEED this right now!!!!!

NOT THE IMAGE OF THEM AS KIDS

I'M EATING ROOOOOCCKKKKSSSS!!!!!!!

people have already pointed out knives covering his eyes (and vash covering his own with his sunglasses), it was a fucking punch to the gut the first time i read this chapter and it still is and i am fucking EATING!!!! ROCKS!!!!!!

is that REALLY the reason why you don't want to see your brother's corpse, knives?? is it really???

people have already talked about vash's little gunman speech so i won't say too much about it, except that it's fitting that we started this story with vash being just that - a gunman - we didn't even know about him being a plant - and now vash is determined to end this story as a gunman. well, "end," sort of. there's still 2 volumes left.

also, we're recycling chapter titles again for some reason... we already had a chapter titled "the gunslinger" in volume 6...

chapter 5:

should i call these their "teenage years"? ...i'm writing that in my notes.

i wish i could express my emotions about the plant twins beyond incomprehensible screaming and eating various things (rocks, glass, drywall...) because then i might have more substantial things to say LOL...

the virgin "did you really just shoot me?!" 98 knives vs the chad "if you're going to shoot me, improve your aim" manga knives

y'know, up until now, i never really bought the claim that "tristamp made knives more morally grey," because i was thinking along the lines of "the morality of his actions didn't change, orange just took a magnifying glass to his emotions, so he's easier to sympathize with," but... they COMPLETELY changed the context of knives cutting off vash's arm, huh?! i guess they DID make him more morally grey...

he's ready to go down with knives. if you'll excuse me, i'll be crunching on some more rocks.

chapter 6:

can't help but remember baby knives saying "we can work through a few little differences if we just talk to each other" :')

trying to talk to the plants... yeah... good idea! it's too little too late for knives because EVERYTHING is for him, but... it's a good idea!

okay, so the story of the village. they got kicked out of the city for being "contaminated," so they built their own village and had to resort to stealing from travelers to survive. right... chaining vash up is pretty extreme but i suppose it's indicative of their level of desperation. (especially since vash still looks like a teenager, like, as far as the villagers knew, the person they attacked was just a normal human kid...)

obviously this story doesn't move knives in the slightest, but even with the explanation for the villagers' actions, the bit about "the contaminated humans being kicked out of the city" is a different example of human cruelty that knives could've spat back at vash, lol. like, they were kicked out, and just left out there to die i guess? with no resources or plan to supply them with anything? except for the lone girl who seemed to be bringing canned goods back, but 1. this wasn't a regular thing for her since she hadn't been back in three years, 2. she was literally the only person trying to help, and 3. it was just luck that she wasn't contaminated to begin with - if it weren't for that there would be NO ONE trying to help. not trying to justify knives's worldview or anything but i just think this is interesting because even though now we know and understand the villagers' situation, there's still an undercurrent of human cruelty in this story, and that's something that can't be erased and something that knives invariably clings to to justify his actions.

and his worldview gets even further reinforced in this moment because the military starts shooting at the ark lmao. but then it's vash's friends to the rescue...! the takeaway from all this and the entire ethos of this story as a whole is "humans are complicated," they're not all bad and not all good, vash acknowledges that and tries to see it, and knives does not, blahblahblah it's been said a hundred times...

microorganisms :)

someone in the tag pointed this out already, but the way the earth fleet talks about independent plants is weird. "salvage," "persona," "repair"... that's weird, right? in my last post i said they were giving like, advanced-AI-robot vibes, and this is doing nothing to change that impression. but they're made of flesh and blood...

chapter 7:

knives is wrong about human nature but there sure are a lot of humans in this story who piss me off. fuck you, military guy!!

we all knew that vash was going in to this fight prepared to die, that his plan is to bring knives down with him, but actually seeing him bleeding so much... hurts.

LIVIOOOOO!!! I LOVE YOUUUUU!!!

he's so cute, what the fuck!!!! "i'm mr livio"?!?! oh my god. i'm sobbing. he's so cute.

gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss. manipulate, mansplain, malewife.

this image of a single man facing down an entire military...!!! he's so cool!!!!!! also he's kinda caked up too

and he just bowls through them like it's nothing!!! i LOVE watching him fight, livio is one of the coolest fighters in this entire story, i'm so glad we get to watch him kick some ass!!!

chapter 8:

they said it's just a projection, but this is what i was imagining the "consciousness" of the merged plants to look like...

no concept of the self except for independents, i suppose. so do all plants think the same? last volume, vash said something about billions of thoughts being "exchanged," so there is SOME mental distinction between individuals, i think...

i wonder what information chronica is gathering from this, exactly. just the essentials, since time is limited? or all of it, every single detail?? knives's past and trauma included??

he's talking as if this is a mercy. i wonder if that's really how he's justifying this to himself.

oh, just this panel by itself is a fun dynamic. i don't actually expect elendira to live to the end (sadly...) but i AM looking forward to seeing these two fight again. interestingly, she doesn't seem surprised that livio is still alive...

this last bit of the chapter feels like all the dominoes falling at once, lol. elendira and livio, chronica and knives... and then BOOM! LEGATO JUMPSCARE!! ...from. seemingly nowhere. where did he come from. also i still don't know what to make of his... iron maiden... giant matryoshka... i don't know what or who this is!! it's driving me nuts!! is it going to be explained?!?!

chapter 9:

it's SO funny that vash says this because I WAS ALSO WONDERING THE SAME THING!!! the previous volume put so much emphasis on the coins that i assumed vash would fight legato FIRST and THEN move on to knives. but he never wanted to fight legato to begin with, so it makes sense that he'd skip right to knives LOL.

knives GRINNING when the earth ship appears and then staring straight down the barrel of their cannon... he's not afraid at all. dare i say this scene is pretty cool. knives and chronica are now on even ground in terms of knowledge about each other, and knives probably knows this, but he's still so confident. and then the cannon fires and he BLOCKS it. i shouldn't be complimenting him so much in this post. but i must give cool credit where cool credit is due. this scene is COOL!!!!

oh, so this IS how his powers worked all along, okay... i was confused. i guess this means his power in tristamp is different... because it's clearly NOT strings... it's just straightforward telekenisis i think... hmmm...

... i'd previously heard about what legato's backstory entails, but actually seeing it...

...

knives isn't even visible in this spread. legato hasn't even seen knives yet. but the framing of legato looking at the vast sky, the light, is evocative enough.

legato being able to even control knives with his strings... well, he was able to (somewhat) control vash, so it makes sense that he could, but i've never really thought about the implications until now. under different circumstances he could've been a massive obstacle to knives, if not outright stopped him.

new hair, new outlook, right?

and okay, sure, it's likely that knives's train of thought was "i could use this power for myself, so i won't kill him," but i want to believe there was something else... legato was used and abused by humans, and knives isn't stupid, he can see that just from looking at the state legato's body is in. so maybe knives recognized there's a kinship between them, even if he'd never admit it... i dunno, it's just, his expression here... it's hard for me to describe, but it's something...

oh, this is making me feel something. this is implying knives gave legato his name, right? that's... oh man. i want to say that it was kind. i don't know if i can call it a bond, but their relationship, whatever it is, is deeper than i imagined.

"...but in that moment, i was reborn." new name, new life, new purpose...

on a lighter note, now i'm thinking about where legato's name actually comes from, and i'm remembering this comment from nightow:

i want to believe knives thought the same thing... LOL. as for "bluesummers," "blue" obviously came from his hair, but "summers"... i want to say maybe it was summer at the time of this flashback, but i'm not actually sure if this planet has seasons...? do they ever say if it does??

oh, legato... my legatito... i should've known he'd be one of my favorite characters the instant he showed up in tristamp voiced by kouki uchiyama LOL. i've laughed at him a lot and made fun of him a lot but i really do genuinely love him.

i fully do not expect him to live to the end... but i'm looking forward to seeing whatever else he does before he goes...

[existentialsophism]

Ok so I’m gonna post this here bc my mom is giving me the silent treatment and it might hit (maybe idk it’s very long)

Neurodivergent Ramblings

I had so much shit as a kid like being told I was off topic and absent minded and wandering around the classroom and yet somehow nobody had me evaluated for anything???? You have a master’s in child development and you never saw this coming??? You fucking moron!!! I lost friends and my grades failed because of that. I had to figure out why I was so weird on my own while I was being constantly bullied and manipulated for being different. I learned to hate myself before I even learned how to socialize. I wasn’t physically abused but the mental strain of masking and trying to pay attention in classes was so draining I almost killed myself several times once I got to college. It’s made me wonder if life is even worth living. And now I find something that works and I’m not even guaranteed that I’ll be able to continue because I’m not a cishet upper middle class white boy who will perfectly slot into the diagnostic criteria. That and all my shit overlaps and is impossible to separate. And now that I know shit is wrong with me I can’t even fucking access the shit that makes it better. Oh you mean I need someone to professionally tell me I can’t focus in class?? I FUCKING KNEW THAT HOW STUPID DO YOU THINK I AM YOU ASSHOLES?????? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU THAT YOU HAVE THESE RESOURCES THAT I CAN’T EVEN USE BECAUSE A DOCTOR DIDN’T CERTIFY THAT I’M NOT LYING ABOUT BEING DISTRESSED BY THIS????? DO I FUCKING LOOK DISTRESSED ENOUGH TO YOU??? I’M FUCKING CRYING OVER THIS AND YOU THINK I’M LYING OR SOMETHING???? I get not distributing stimulants without a diagnosis, I get it. But if the thing helps, and you’re a doctor who can control its dispersal, why don’t you just do it anyway??? I’m not even guaranteed a diagnosis because even though I have all of the symptoms it’s apparently not good enough for a self-assessment which doesn’t take into account the fact I also have autism and those two overlap/cancel each other out, which means I’m not guaranteed to get the shit I know would allow me to function like a normal fucking person.

No wonder I’ve never been able to relax, that’s an adhd thing. Even during sex or something I can’t relax, every single action is intentional because I have 15 separate thoughts at once about whether or not I’m doing enough or what I could do to make the other girl feel good too or whatever. I hate it. I want to just turn my brain off and be puppy, but I can’t. I have the autistic inability to turn my brain off and the adhd inability to relax. And it’s exhausting. I get headaches a lot from the sheer mental effort it takes to be alive. I’ve been awake for an hour and I think I’ve done more thinking than the average person does in their whole week. How lovely it would be for my mind to be quiet. Or even just for me to be able to control it. I can’t control my own mind so I try to control everything else in my life and get distressed when I can’t. I usually try to channel it into helping my friends and the people I love but I’m bad at that so it doesn’t even work.

I never really struggled academically as a kid because class wasn’t that challenging and I was privileged enough to have had a really strong foundation. That allowed me to look like I was actually able to hang in school when really I was just good at taking tests and not much else. I constantly forgot homework and materials for class even with my mom reminding me and half packing all of my stuff for me, I’d forget about projects until the night before, I’d have trouble with little details in later math classes which resulted in me not doing as well as I could have, it’s all shit that is part of adhd that not a single person thought to tie back to it. Because apparently you can only have adhd if you’re struggling in school or some shit. The autistic ability to control my actions didn’t help either since I could just mask everything “abnormal” about myself for my own mental and physical safety, which further contributed to everyone around me thinking nothing was wrong, and now everyone thinks I’m just trying to be trendy or label totally normal neurotypical experiences. Somehow they think that my suffering is just for attention or something?? Why would I choose to be like this? I hate it! It’s a disability! Why would I choose to be disabled?? I don’t get why neurotypical people think they can bully kids for being weird and then tell them everything they’ve been bullied for their entire life is normal actually. Why am I being gaslit by the entire world?

[bagalois]

we have break for the rest of the week because of jewish holidays, but i need to study still. midterm exams are next week, held the day after we get back. i have a homework assignment due on the same day as one of my tests.

i feel like i'm constantly complaining about my workload, but i kind of do it out of endearment. i'm happy to even have the chance to be here. there was a time when i dreamed of research, and while i'm still not there yet, i'm finally on track for that. i think my dreams are finally within sight.

(some sappy emotional stuff under the cut)

to be honest, lately i've been feeling really, idk, out of it. there's an emptiness that's been creeping along on me for the past few months, and i can't bring myself to take it seriously because "it's not too bad." but then i find myself thinking and doing things that aren't, umm, very mentally stable, more and more often.. and just to be clear i'm very safe. i'm not in any real danger of anything besides bad school performance and maybe some hits to my general health. nothing major. i've been trying to keep myself relaxed, rested, and focused on academics/work in the meantime, but still, i need to think about how i'm going to manage my mental/physical health through the rest of the semester.

especially with my classmates gone for the week, there's nobody around me and i need to study but it's hard to bring myself to care when nobody's physically around. i've always been an extrovert, feeding off the energy of others.

i feel like, at my core, i don't really care about anything. but it's also true that if i fail out of the phd program, that might as well be the end for me. so in that sense, i definitely do care, but i don't feel like i do. there's no urgency in me. i can't get anything done, i can't get myself to focus. but i need to pick myself up, i have exams.

at one point, it was important for me to stress and put this pressure on myself, but because i got tired of it, i stopped. i accepted the reality of failure, and now i might even be expecting/anticipating it. now my lack of drive is killing me.

i think.. i need to challenge that again. i was tired of putting the pressure on myself, but i need to turn it back on. in any case, i'm not alone in my academic journey - even if i don't care, all the people who got me here in the first place do. i like to tell myself, the internet is watching me. my friends are watching me. the past and future versions of me are expecting the best from present me. my professors will only accept excellent performance out of me. only after i put everything i'm capable of into my studies, am i allowed to decide whether i'm done with this or not.

anyways, i love everyone who interacts with my posts <3 you don't know how much it means to me.

i am tentatively thinking that i might want to get straight As on my midterms.... i don't know if i'm even capable of it. it'd be nice certainly. i'm almost afraid to hope and disappoint myself, but better to have loved and lost than never loved at all amirite lmao.

i'm going to go to one of the classrooms today and study and work on my homework that's due after break. i hope i get everything done that i want to.

[quinloki]

Quicksand

Fem Reader x Sir Crocodile

CW: Language, violence, blood, moral ambiguity, murder, sexual themes and situations, yandere, angst with a happy ending, a referenced instance of physical abuse. 18+ only

Chapter 1 - Table of Consent -

Chapter 8: Unstable

You made it home safely, and the rest of the week progressed in a similar way. The only thing that bothered you was that after Monday you kept feeling like you were being watched. You couldn't find anything definitive, but there was a powerful sense of being stalked that itched at you randomly. You wrote it off as being stressed about the auction at first, but as things progressed for the preparations you were less and less stressed.

Despite the lessening stress, the strange sensation wasn't abating.

Practicing with Dandy was going well. Aside from the fact that you were spending a couple hours every day interacting with him. You were, at least, finding a decent area between Strictly Business and Mitigated Admiration.

You'd need to fawn over Doflamingo a little more, but you couldn't bring yourself to do so with Dandy. You knew him too well, and you absolutely weren't going to give him any ammunition to use against you down the road. As coworkers it was best to keep him at slightly more than arm's length.

Organizing the space, equipment, and laying out the plans and event timing went smoothly as well. The extra hands - provided by Sir Crocodile and managed by Buggy - were a huge weight off everyone's shoulders. Especially since they were all not just competent, but quiet as well. No zany quirks, no desire to be the center of attention. They were more like you and less like Buggy or Dandy, so they didn't stress Buggy out and they didn't create additional work.

But they weren't creative. They came to people with questions on everything, almost more akin to computers than people. Not that it was a bad thing, the lack of personal decision making might have been part of their contract for all you knew. They were extra hands, and extra eyes, but that was really it.

Alvida caught you glancing around on Friday when things were finally coming together.

"What's got you so twitchy, (Y/N)?" She asks, "Anything I can help with?"

"Ah, no. Everything's pretty much handled. The Auction's Wednesday, the VIP will be in Tuesday, and I'll sleep again sometime Thursday, I'm sure." You joke, stretching. "I just keep feeling like someone's watching me, it's been for the last few days, and I can't shake it."

Alvida's expression shifts. "Have you told him?" She asks, and you knew which him she meant.

You shake your head. "I thought it was stress at first, but as everything's been getting handled, it's not abating. There's no way it's related to him though, right? Not so soon."

"Whether it is or isn't, you should let him know. Even if it's just a creepy guest or something, I imagine he'd rather get control of it than have things spiral." Alvida looks around. "Go ahead now if you want to, I'll make sure no one sees the texts."

"I don't even know what he's going to do," you grumble, pulling out your phone.

"Honey, he's a successful businessman, he's probably got 'people'," she says, making quotes with her fingers. "He'll delegate or something and it'll put your mind at ease."

You: Idk how to say this other than to say it - I feel like I'm being watched. It's been going on since Monday. I thought it was stress, so I didn't say anything, but everything's set and I'm still feeling it. It's probably nothing, I don't even know what you could do, but I figure it is better to say something than not.

"There, sent." You look up at Alvida. "I don't know what good it'll do other than worry him, but it's done. The items show up Monday, will you be ready to help me with inventory?"

"Yeah, we're going to do the big cash out Sunday to free up available time and hands on Monday. There's even a private escort process set up to get it to the bank despite it all being closed that day." She explains.

Your phone buzzes before you can say anything more, and you pull it out to check the notification.

Suwani: May I come over tonight?

You stop, nearly dropping your phone. You're quite sure, because of the text you had sent beforehand, that he's not asking to come to your apartment for anything untoward, but the idea of him being in your apartment makes your face go red. Your fingers seem to move on their own as you reply.

You: I cannot promise my place is tidy, given my hours this week, but yes?

Suwani: I'll get your address, don't send it.

You blink at your phone for a moment, wondering how he'll be able to get your address in a couple hours' time. You realize he would have access to the employee records, easily enough. Shortly after that realization is the understanding that he's concerned someone has access to your texts.

"Alvida." You say shortly, getting her attention. You show her the texts. You can see her expression change before she goes over to her desk and pulls out a box. She opens it, points to your phone, and then motions for you to put it in the box. Once you do and she closes the lid you lean forward and practically hiss. "We think someone's tapped my phone?!"

"It certainly seems to be a possibility." Alvida admits. "Though in all fairness, it might be a matter of assuming more than expected."

You sigh, "Worst-case scenario would be a tapped phone, so operate under that assumption until proven otherwise."

"Right, like how we deal with pulling Strip Miners and Card Counters. You assume the worst, then investigate. Apologies for a misunderstanding, the marines when you're right."

"Okay, if I think of it that way, I can process it better." You say, relaxing visibly and sighing. "I really hope it's just coincidental timing."

Alvida seems ready to argue, but then stops and thinks about it for a moment. "Yeah, no, I can see that." She nods her head to the box. "Want it back now that we're done?"

"Yeah." You stop her after you answer. "You have a faraday box at your desk?"

"I do – I had a friend a long time ago who needed to throw off a dangerous ex. Bought the box because of that, and now I have it for random stuff like this. Girl's gotta have options." She gives you a wink. "It's also a good place to throw my phone when I'm tired of dealing with texts from Buggy."

"... I did not hear that." You say flatly, opening the box and pulling your phone back out.

Your side eye your phone randomly as the day continues, and even with the distraction weighing on your mind you end up heading home a little early. You wanted it to all turn out to be nothing, and at the same time you wanted it to be something. You wanted to be able to trust your instincts.

When you pulled into your apartment lot you spotted a familiar figure. You parked and waved to Crocodile as you got out of your car. His appearance was his "Suwani" mode, trying to look as lowkey as a hot guy can manage without giving off CEO or Warlord vibes. He looks down at you with a quiet smile as you approach, and tilts his head toward the apartments, prompting you to continue on without saying anything.

You want to comment how it feels like you're in a spy movie, but you don't want to break the silence. You lead the way to your apartment but stop short of the door.

Your key's in your hand, but there's a key in the door.

Crocodile puts a hand out and motions for you to stay in place. You almost protest, thinking that you can't let the company CEO go into a dangerous situation, before your brain reminds you that he's a Warlord. In the moment's pause you notice a weirdly shaped gun in his hand and realize he had a ranged-style taser on him.

He steps through the door and closes it behind him, which certainly answers the question of if you should follow him in or stay outside. You decide to move to the other side of the door, just in case someone comes running out of the apartment, you don't want them to run into you. You're not big enough, or skilled enough to block the exit, and there's no reason to even entertain the idea.

After a couple minutes the door opens and Crocodile steps out, a finger up to his lips before he pantomimes for you to hand over your phone. You do and he goes back into the apartment, leaving the door open for you to follow in behind him.

He goes into your kitchen, and you hear the oven door being opened. He places both of your phones in the oven, leaving it off and points toward your bedroom. It's the only other room that's closed off from the kitchen and living room, so you can understand why that's where you're going. You step inside, and he steps in behind you, closing the door.

"Was someone in my home?"

He sighs. "Not that I can tell. You'll need to walk through yourself and see if anything feels out of place. Nothing was tossed, and nothing looked out of place to me, but it would have to be overt for me to notice."

"Like a horsehead in the bed," you were being sarcastic because you were a little frazzled.

"I was expecting to find a crocodile of some variety." He admits evenly.

Your brain sputters. "... Alive?"

"Sometimes."

"Some... how often have you found a crocodile in someone else's home?"

"Today would've been the first, it's usually in a vehicle or business." He says, a small smile on his lips. "Young Lady, I have been Crocodile by name since I was born, and my early years were not pretty." He says, holding up his prosthetic and pointing to his prominent scar.

"Live crocodiles as messages. Like stationary doesn't exist." You shake your head, trying to shake off the discomfort of the situation. "I - I'll look around."

Crocodile grabs your arm and catches your gaze. "If this because of me, I will resolve it. I told you before I have the resources to keep you safe."

"If it's just some random weirdo?"

"Then I will not require my resources." He answers, and everything about him is so sure, so confident, that you honestly feel a little better.

You nod, smiling slightly and walk out of the room and through your house. Nothing looks or feels out of place, and you even open some of the drawers to make sure. You work your way through the small apartment and go back into the bedroom once you're satisfied. Crocodile is sitting at your computer desk, back to the desk, fiddling with something. When you close the door and approach, he holds out a simple cell phone toward you.

"If you're okay with it, I'd like to take your phone." He begins. "This does nothing except receive and send calls and texts. It's much harder to clone or piggyback on, and there's no GPS, but It'll let you stay in touch while I have my tech expert clear your phone."

You can't help but grin as you take the small flip phone. "I feel like I'm suddenly in a spy movie," you muse. "Ah, you can take the phone and do what you want, but I don't need it back. Alvida's been nagging me to buy something from this decade, so I'll take this as a sign to get a new one."

There was a quiet moment as you put the new phone in your pocket. "I can almost hear a whirring sound coming from you," you tease, looking over and trying to suppress the grin on your face.

"Mm." He grunts, but he's not looking directly at you.

You were already aware that when he wanted something he was direct about it. His tone and body language weren't difficult to decipher, and his confidence – well earned as it was – wasn't hard to pick up on either. Right now, however, he seemed to be almost bordering on awkward, and there was only one thing between you that wasn't something you'd talked about much.

Money.

"Are you trying to figure out how to buy me a new phone?"

The obvious flinch wasn't nearly as subtle as you had expected it to be. His cool demeanor evaporated with a sigh, and he put his head in his hand for a second before bringing it up and brushing it through his hair. A motion that, as far as you were concerned, was unfairly adorable.

"I'm not trying to imply you're unable to-."

"No, it's, um, adorable." You hide your face in your hands and you can feel your ears going pink. To think that you've called him adorable of all words. Out loud. With your own mouth.

There's a soft chuckle and you hear him get up from the desk chair. "That's certainly the first time someone's called me that."

"Sorry," you murmur, still mostly hiding behind your hands. You can see, and feel, that he's nearby and despite everything else you're keenly aware of him.

"I hadn't come over with the intent to do anything, Miss (Y/N), but if you continue to seduce me like this, I may have to change my plans."

"I'm not trying!" You say in a rushed panic.

You feel him lean down, and his words and breath are by your ear. "Then you're a dangerous woman, my little desert flower, if you do so this effortlessly."

You make a noise as a shiver runs down your spine. Peeking through your fingers and looking up, you meet the deep amber gold eyes focused on you. There's a knowing smirk pulling at his lips as he reaches up and gently pulls one of your hands away, a soft gasp escaping you before he kisses your cheek.

Moving your other hand away on your own, you turn toward him, lips brushing across his. Your eyes close and you realize that you haven't so much as touched him since your first date. You wonder idly how you could manage so long on your own and be okay, only to feel so needy right now.

He deepens the kiss, his warm fingers running along the line of your jaw. His thumb rests against your chin and you don't resist as the light pressure parts your lips and gives way to the tongue that follows. His pleasant hum pushes against you as his left-hand wraps around your waist, pulling you closer to him as he cradles your head and threatens to devour the air from your lungs.

There's a hunger in his actions that makes you feel better about your own need as the kiss breaks enough for you to draw breath, and not a moment longer. His desire crashes into you again, and there's a tug at your clothes. It's not enough of one to remove them on your behalf, and the request is hardly questioning. It's more a declaration of his desires and a chance for you to push them aside if you need to.

You reach up to take your work jacket off, when a horn honk out in the parking lot causes you both to stop. After a second there's another honk and Crocodile makes an aggravated noise, before straightening up and taking a step back. Despite his efforts to keep himself composed, his displeasure is painfully clear, even as straightens his clothes and brushes a few errant strands of hair out of his face.

"My apologies. I'll have to speak with Mr. One about his punctuality." His apology is soft, but he practically bites the last word off in a growl.

"If he'd only been a minute or two later, I think it'd be worse." You admit.

There's an amused grin and soft grunt from him. "After the auction, I'd like to take you on a proper date."

"By proper I feel like you mean Baratie's." You tease, "I would be honored." You answer, before he has a chance to say anything different.

"The honor," he says smoothly, taking your hand and bringing it up to his lips. "Will be all mine, Miss (Y/N)."

Crocodile kisses your hand, and then puts a finger up to his lips as he leaves the bedroom and gathers both of your phones from inside the oven. He leaves without looking back, and you can understand why as you close the door behind him, letting out the frustrated sigh you'd been holding in since the first horn honk.

[aroaceconfessions]

i've considered myself aroace for a while now and have been pretty secure with that identity. not happy, but secure. i always thought that if i ever developed feelings for someone i would welcome them because i do want a relationship. it seems that that really is the case now and wow, i am not happy about it. i feel like part of it is that i am not entirely sure it is a romantic crush and not something else because emotions are really, really complicated. what complicates it even more is that it is on a guy, and i always imagined myself falling in love with a woman (i am also a woman). and lastly, i am 24 and have never even held hands with someone romantically, and i have never (purposely) flirted with anyone. just genuinely no idea how to approach this crush, how to get an idea of whether he likes me too, how to talk to anyone about my feelings without being embarrassed, or anything. i'm honestly just panicking. to make matters worse, i might have to quit in a few weeks (the guy is a colleague) and that could have two consequences: i lose contact with him and never get to figure out my emotions, probably agonising over them for years to come and thinking that might have been my one chance at a relationship, or he wants to ask me out and hasn't yet because we work together, me quitting would mean that he could do that. i don't think that's at all the case, i'm guessing he thinks i'm cute but boring lol but who knows. anyway that would put me in a very awkward position because i don't know how to react to something like that. the thought of dating is super terrifying. idk if that's because what i'm feeling is not really a crush and i am truly 100% aroace and just overthinking things, or if it is because i've never done this before and have issues with anxiety. and i want to add that i feel bad for allo people who apparently do this all the time?? how do they get stuff done. anyway sorry for this aroace confession that's about how maybe i'm not all the way aroace. thanks for providing a space to vent, it is so very much needed

Submitted March 5, 2023

[hearthandheathenry]

so I’m not sure if this is a sort of ask you’d be able to help with.

I’m very much a believer in mundane before magic. Things like do I have a headache from the lights or is the energy bad in a room? yknow

Anyway- in my head I know it’s silly, and that it’s just my hormones from being on my period- but a part of me thinks that’s it a bit of an interesting coincidence that the peak of my period was on the solar eclipse. This month I’m a few weeks off than regular and it sucked wayyy worse than usual. I was running hot all day and the eclipse was awesome but at night I had a bad fever. I was feeling my emotions worse than normal.

And- again here’s the part that I doubt the most/ think it’s probably just my brain making it up- I cannot for the life of me stop dreaming and daydreaming and thinking about this person I’ve not seen before. Now I’m no stranger to dabbling in more casual manifestation and attraction of friends and good opportunities. I’ve prayed to different gods or left offerings while asking for a friend or someone who could be a partner. The god I’ve been recently making offerings for and researching is a lesser known one from antiquity. Very much fertility and weather- I wonder if now my periods will just be worse since starting my worship lol.

In the back of my head I sorta wanted to do something on the eclipse anyway. It’s not a specific person, but I can’t stop thinking about this gorgeous person. It started when my period started but it’s continued after it. Again this is where I doubt the most since duh I just keep thinking about my ideal guy etc, but, I also had some weird dreams, a lot of imagery of Set from kemetism and birds and this person all jumbled together. Plus while out and about I saw a lot more Egyptian imagery and birds and romantic symbols and shit. It’s just in the very back of my head that I’m thinking maybe my past manifesting/spell work efforts are gonna pay off. Or maybe even someone is doing something and attracting an energy and I happen to be more sensitive to it. Idk just weird coincidences that have been irking me.

Sorry if this ended up being a weird ramble but I really wanted to write out how I was feeling and thought fuck it might as well send in an ask since I never really have much to say.

feel free to not respond if u don’t wanna 👍

also props to ur blog it’s very informative much luv :)

I didn't realize I received an ask, so sorry for the delay and thank you for your patience! I'm always happy to chat or give my 2 cents about anything!

First, I absolutely believe the eclipse can affect your period, so no worries there and it's not crazy or anything. Our menstrual cycles are based on the lunar calendar, every 28 days or so (some are just slightly longer or shorter, but the average is 28 days) and if the moon can affect the tides so completely, it absolutely can affect us humans who are 1 made up of a bunch of water ourselves and 2 are also energetic beings that can be sensitive to magnetic changes like any other being. There's some really cool research videos from NASA showing the magnetic fields around earth moving with the eclipse, feel free to check them out! Everything around us, especially large things with massive energy like the sun or moon, can absolutely affect our bodies! I'm not sure if you were in the path of the eclipse at all, but I'm in northern Illinois and we were at about 93% totality by me and even with that, you could absolutely feel it whether you were inside or not. My husband, child, and I all got huge bursts of energy and it was very overwhelming. My husband described it as an anxious feeling as he's not yet super in touch with his bodily feelings and energy and didn't enjoy the experience, but I could tell for me it felt very neutral but overwhelming, so I leaned into it and used to get excited and get things done. It was again though, very overwhelming, which is why a lot of people don't enjoy eclipses or claim they're chaotic energy. A huge burst of energy will always feel weird! Everyone around us and anyone who we spoke to absolutely felt the same. SO, in conclusion, absolutely could your menstrual cycle be affected.

Now, in regards to the imagery you've been experiencing and you looking into kemetism, I did a little digging myself since I'm not super familiar with kemetism and I found some pretty interesting things! I started off researching the God Set(Seth) since you mentioned him, and noticed the egyptianmuseum.org had mentionrd him being associated with eclipses, not just storms and such, but even more than that he had a long-standing tiff with the God Horus the Younger who ultimately bested him and took over his late-fathers throne. Horus the Younger was represented by a falcon and associated with healing, protection, the sun, and the sky. I'm not sure if this is the God you were making offerings to, but perhaps he is the one answering your calling and you are getting glimpses into a little about him and his journey to steer you towards recognizing who is answering you. They do say that if we focus on something we want, we begin to see it everywhere, even if we don't want to, but also many spiritual people who reach out to their Gods and Goddesses report seeing representstions and messages from them before they realize who is trying to communicate with them. So, perhaps Horus the Younger is the one trying to make contact with you. Or, if you've been manifesting a good partner for yourself, perhaps the man you've been seeing is closely tied with Horus or perhaps follows him spiritually. Or maybe he even just embodies the good characteristics of the God and your brain is choosing to represent him in this imagery. There's a lot of "what ifs" from an outside perspective, and only you will know what rings true to you and your situation. Hopefully some of my ideas and such will spark some clarity on your situation and you will figure out what messages you're receiving from the universe to continue on the path you want to lead. I definitely implore you to open your heart to the messages and synchronicities that appear to you in your life, as our guides are always walking along side us in our journey and the universe whole heartedly supports you in every decision you make. Not everything is a sign, but if it feels like it is, then it probably is. Learn to trust your gut and lead with instinct and be open to the energy around you, and just use your brain to keep you in check from becoming too far gone so that you can still be safe within your reality, instead of held back by anxiety or worry about simply being weird.

On another side note, just with the period and everything, I personally implore you to also maybe use this as a sign to learn more about your menstrual cycle if you've been working with fertility gods and your cycle was suddenly changed by the eclipse! There is so much us women aren't taught and we usually find out ourselves as adults doing research. Understanding the phases of our cycle, what's going on in our body and with our hormones, etc are all things that can lead us to better health, better periods, and a better understanding of ourselves biologically AND spiritually (you'd be amazed at how much power a woman holds thanks to her cycle). There's also so many cool unexplainable things that happen in regards to a woman's body and our ability to create! Did you know at the moment of conception when a sperm meets an egg that there's a flash of light scientists can't explain? Did you know that breastmilk is so complex and tailored to each baby and feeding that we can't reproduce it in a lab? Did you know that your energy levels directly follow your menstrual cycle and affect everything you do from weightlifting or exercise to needing to eat more or less to needing more or less sleep? Theres so much knowledge we've lost that women are now reclaiming and teaching and I love every part of it. I think every woman (and man tbh) should go on a journey of learning about their own fertility cycles and such.

Hopefully this was at least a little bit helpful for you! Best of luck on your journey!

[sir-sunawani]

Quicksand

Fem Reader x Sir Crocodile

20 Chapters - 46,838 words

Read it on Ao3 or Wattpad

CW: Language, violence, blood, moral ambiguity, murder, sexual themes and situations, yandere, angst with a happy ending, a referenced instance of physical abuse. 18+ only

Chapter 8: Unstable

You made it home safely, and the rest of the week progressed in a similar way. The only thing that bothered you was that after Monday you kept feeling like you were being watched. You couldn't find anything definitive, but there was a powerful sense of being stalked that itched at you randomly. You wrote it off as being stressed about the auction at first, but as things progressed for the preparations you were less and less stressed.

Despite the lessening stress, the strange sensation wasn't abating.

Practicing with Dandy was going well. Aside from the fact that you were spending a couple hours every day interacting with him. You were, at least, finding a decent area between Strictly Business and Mitigated Admiration.

You'd need to fawn over Doflamingo a little more, but you couldn't bring yourself to do so with Dandy. You knew him too well, and you absolutely weren't going to give him any ammunition to use against you down the road. As coworkers it was best to keep him at slightly more than arm's length.

Organizing the space, equipment, and laying out the plans and event timing went smoothly as well. The extra hands - provided by Sir Crocodile and managed by Buggy - were a huge weight off everyone's shoulders. Especially since they were all not just competent, but quiet as well. No zany quirks, no desire to be the center of attention. They were more like you and less like Buggy or Dandy, so they didn't stress Buggy out and they didn't create additional work.

But they weren't creative. They came to people with questions on everything, almost more akin to computers than people. Not that it was a bad thing, the lack of personal decision making might have been part of their contract for all you knew. They were extra hands, and extra eyes, but that was really it.

Alvida caught you glancing around on Friday when things were finally coming together.

"What's got you so twitchy, (Y/N)?" She asks, "Anything I can help with?"

"Ah, no. Everything's pretty much handled. The Auction's Wednesday, the VIP will be in Tuesday, and I'll sleep again sometime Thursday, I'm sure." You joke, stretching. "I just keep feeling like someone's watching me, it's been for the last few days, and I can't shake it."

Alvida's expression shifts. "Have you told him?" She asks, and you knew which him she meant.

You shake your head. "I thought it was stress at first, but as everything's been getting handled, it's not abating. There's no way it's related to him though, right? Not so soon."

"Whether it is or isn't, you should let him know. Even if it's just a creepy guest or something, I imagine he'd rather get control of it than have things spiral." Alvida looks around. "Go ahead now if you want to, I'll make sure no one sees the texts."

"I don't even know what he's going to do," you grumble, pulling out your phone.

"Honey, he's a successful businessman, he's probably got 'people'," she says, making quotes with her fingers. "He'll delegate or something and it'll put your mind at ease."

You: Idk how to say this other than to say it - I feel like I'm being watched. It's been going on since Monday. I thought it was stress, so I didn't say anything, but everything's set and I'm still feeling it. It's probably nothing, I don't even know what you could do, but I figure it is better to say something than not.

"There, sent." You look up at Alvida. "I don't know what good it'll do other than worry him, but it's done. The items show up Monday, will you be ready to help me with inventory?"

"Yeah, we're going to do the big cash out Sunday to free up available time and hands on Monday. There's even a private escort process set up to get it to the bank despite it all being closed that day." She explains.

Your phone buzzes before you can say anything more, and you pull it out to check the notification.

Suwani: May I come over tonight?

You stop, nearly dropping your phone. You're quite sure, because of the text you had sent beforehand, that he's not asking to come to your apartment for anything untoward, but the idea of him being in your apartment makes your face go red. Your fingers seem to move on their own as you reply.

You: I cannot promise my place is tidy, given my hours this week, but yes?

Suwani: I'll get your address, don't send it.

You blink at your phone for a moment, wondering how he'll be able to get your address in a couple hours' time. You realize he would have access to the employee records, easily enough. Shortly after that realization is the understanding that he's concerned someone has access to your texts.

"Alvida." You say shortly, getting her attention. You show her the texts. You can see her expression change before she goes over to her desk and pulls out a box. She opens it, points to your phone, and then motions for you to put it in the box. Once you do and she closes the lid you lean forward and practically hiss. "We think someone's tapped my phone?!"

"It certainly seems to be a possibility." Alvida admits. "Though in all fairness, it might be a matter of assuming more than expected."

You sigh, "Worst-case scenario would be a tapped phone, so operate under that assumption until proven otherwise."

"Right, like how we deal with pulling Strip Miners and Card Counters. You assume the worst, then investigate. Apologies for a misunderstanding, the marines when you're right."

"Okay, if I think of it that way, I can process it better." You say, relaxing visibly and sighing. "I really hope it's just coincidental timing."

Alvida seems ready to argue, but then stops and thinks about it for a moment. "Yeah, no, I can see that." She nods her head to the box. "Want it back now that we're done?"

"Yeah." You stop her after you answer. "You have a faraday box at your desk?"

"I do – I had a friend a long time ago who needed to throw off a dangerous ex. Bought the box because of that, and now I have it for random stuff like this. Girl's gotta have options." She gives you a wink. "It's also a good place to throw my phone when I'm tired of dealing with texts from Buggy."

"... I did not hear that." You say flatly, opening the box and pulling your phone back out.

Your side eye your phone randomly as the day continues, and even with the distraction weighing on your mind you end up heading home a little early. You wanted it to all turn out to be nothing, and at the same time you wanted it to be something. You wanted to be able to trust your instincts.

When you pulled into your apartment lot you spotted a familiar figure. You parked and waved to Crocodile as you got out of your car. His appearance was his "Suwani" mode, trying to look as lowkey as a hot guy can manage without giving off CEO or Warlord vibes. He looks down at you with a quiet smile as you approach, and tilts his head toward the apartments, prompting you to continue on without saying anything.

You want to comment how it feels like you're in a spy movie, but you don't want to break the silence. You lead the way to your apartment but stop short of the door.

Your key's in your hand, but there's a key in the door.

Crocodile puts a hand out and motions for you to stay in place. You almost protest, thinking that you can't let the company CEO go into a dangerous situation, before your brain reminds you that he's a Warlord. In the moment's pause you notice a weirdly shaped gun in his hand and realize he had a ranged-style taser on him.

He steps through the door and closes it behind him, which certainly answers the question of if you should follow him in or stay outside. You decide to move to the other side of the door, just in case someone comes running out of the apartment, you don't want them to run into you. You're not big enough, or skilled enough to block the exit, and there's no reason to even entertain the idea.

After a couple minutes the door opens and Crocodile steps out, a finger up to his lips before he pantomimes for you to hand over your phone. You do and he goes back into the apartment, leaving the door open for you to follow in behind him.

He goes into your kitchen, and you hear the oven door being opened. He places both of your phones in the oven, leaving it off and points toward your bedroom. It's the only other room that's closed off from the kitchen and living room, so you can understand why that's where you're going. You step inside, and he steps in behind you, closing the door.

"Was someone in my home?"

He sighs. "Not that I can tell. You'll need to walk through yourself and see if anything feels out of place. Nothing was tossed, and nothing looked out of place to me, but it would have to be overt for me to notice."

"Like a horsehead in the bed," you were being sarcastic because you were a little frazzled.

"I was expecting to find a crocodile of some variety." He admits evenly.

Your brain sputters. "... Alive?"

"Sometimes."

"Some... how often have you found a crocodile in someone else's home?"

"Today would've been the first, it's usually in a vehicle or business." He says, a small smile on his lips. "Young Lady, I have been Crocodile by name since I was born, and my early years were not pretty." He says, holding up his prosthetic and pointing to his prominent scar.

"Live crocodiles as messages. Like stationary doesn't exist." You shake your head, trying to shake off the discomfort of the situation. "I - I'll look around."

Crocodile grabs your arm and catches your gaze. "If this because of me, I will resolve it. I told you before I have the resources to keep you safe."

"If it's just some random weirdo?"

"Then I will not require my resources." He answers, and everything about him is so sure, so confident, that you honestly feel a little better.

You nod, smiling slightly and walk out of the room and through your house. Nothing looks or feels out of place, and you even open some of the drawers to make sure. You work your way through the small apartment and go back into the bedroom once you're satisfied. Crocodile is sitting at your computer desk, back to the desk, fiddling with something. When you close the door and approach, he holds out a simple cell phone toward you.

"If you're okay with it, I'd like to take your phone." He begins. "This does nothing except receive and send calls and texts. It's much harder to clone or piggyback on, and there's no GPS, but It'll let you stay in touch while I have my tech expert clear your phone."

You can't help but grin as you take the small flip phone. "I feel like I'm suddenly in a spy movie," you muse. "Ah, you can take the phone and do what you want, but I don't need it back. Alvida's been nagging me to buy something from this decade, so I'll take this as a sign to get a new one."

There was a quiet moment as you put the new phone in your pocket. "I can almost hear a whirring sound coming from you," you tease, looking over and trying to suppress the grin on your face.

"Mm." He grunts, but he's not looking directly at you.

You were already aware that when he wanted something he was direct about it. His tone and body language weren't difficult to decipher, and his confidence – well earned as it was – wasn't hard to pick up on either. Right now, however, he seemed to be almost bordering on awkward, and there was only one thing between you that wasn't something you'd talked about much.

Money.

"Are you trying to figure out how to buy me a new phone?"

The obvious flinch wasn't nearly as subtle as you had expected it to be. His cool demeanor evaporated with a sigh, and he put his head in his hand for a second before bringing it up and brushing it through his hair. A motion that, as far as you were concerned, was unfairly adorable.

"I'm not trying to imply you're unable to-."

"No, it's, um, adorable." You hide your face in your hands and you can feel your ears going pink. To think that you've called him adorable of all words. Out loud. With your own mouth.

There's a soft chuckle and you hear him get up from the desk chair. "That's certainly the first time someone's called me that."

"Sorry," you murmur, still mostly hiding behind your hands. You can see, and feel, that he's nearby and despite everything else you're keenly aware of him.

"I hadn't come over with the intent to do anything, Miss (Y/N), but if you continue to seduce me like this, I may have to change my plans."

"I'm not trying!" You say in a rushed panic.

You feel him lean down, and his words and breath are by your ear. "Then you're a dangerous woman, my little desert flower, if you do so this effortlessly."

You make a noise as a shiver runs down your spine. Peeking through your fingers and looking up, you meet the deep amber gold eyes focused on you. There's a knowing smirk pulling at his lips as he reaches up and gently pulls one of your hands away, a soft gasp escaping you before he kisses your cheek.

Moving your other hand away on your own, you turn toward him, lips brushing across his. Your eyes close and you realize that you haven't so much as touched him since your first date. You wonder idly how you could manage so long on your own and be okay, only to feel so needy right now.

He deepens the kiss, his warm fingers running along the line of your jaw. His thumb rests against your chin and you don't resist as the light pressure parts your lips and gives way to the tongue that follows. His pleasant hum pushes against you as his left-hand wraps around your waist, pulling you closer to him as he cradles your head and threatens to devour the air from your lungs.

There's a hunger in his actions that makes you feel better about your own need as the kiss breaks enough for you to draw breath, and not a moment longer. His desire crashes into you again, and there's a tug at your clothes. It's not enough of one to remove them on your behalf, and the request is hardly questioning. It's more a declaration of his desires and a chance for you to push them aside if you need to.

You reach up to take your work jacket off, when a horn honk out in the parking lot causes you both to stop. After a second there's another honk and Crocodile makes an aggravated noise, before straightening up and taking a step back. Despite his efforts to keep himself composed, his displeasure is painfully clear, even as straightens his clothes and brushes a few errant strands of hair out of his face.

"My apologies. I'll have to speak with Mr. One about his punctuality." His apology is soft, but he practically bites the last word off in a growl.

"If he'd only been a minute or two later, I think it'd be worse." You admit.

There's an amused grin and soft grunt from him. "After the auction, I'd like to take you on a proper date."

"By proper I feel like you mean Baratie's." You tease, "I would be honored." You answer, before he has a chance to say anything different.

"The honor," he says smoothly, taking your hand and bringing it up to his lips. "Will be all mine, Miss (Y/N)."

Crocodile kisses your hand, and then puts a finger up to his lips as he leaves the bedroom and gathers both of your phones from inside the oven. He leaves without looking back, and you can understand why as you close the door behind him, letting out the frustrated sigh you'd been holding in since the first horn honk.

[concerned-k1wi]

I have so many thoughts rn but none are coherent:

-oh boy Keeley don’t be looking so deeply thoughtful and considering about Jaimie’s romantic potential when the initial question was about whether he’s bangable

-Ik (or at least am hoping with my whole soul) that Keeley and Roy are getting back together but yikes I’m hoping they don’t put Keeley in a ‘one or the other’ choosing type of scenario cause that would so undermine all THREE of their characters in such a shitty way

-On another note God I have so many feelings about Nate because on the one hand I fully believe he deserves to be happy and content and appreciated and in a healthy work environment and just generally I’m of the opinion he deserves good things but aaaaa Nate also hurt so many people? Like we kinda forget sometimes that it wasn’t just Ted he was a dick to? He was an asshole to Colin and to Will and I’m sure there are other instances of him being a bit dickish that im forgetting about

-I think we’re going to get a Nate redemption I really do and I think Nate deserves that but I also really hope that they don’t just consider the shit Nate did to Ted but also the things he’s done to others (and the reverse I hope Nate gets a full apology from the team for how they treated him prior to Ted’s coaching).

-I just want peace and love is this too much to ask for 😔😔

-But also I feel like as much as Keeley believes in Shandy she is going to need to put Shandy in her place a bit? Just make sure she knows that things *have* to be run by Keeley first. Shandy can’t just make big decisions like changing the tagline for the Bantr app without consulting others (and probably not even just Keeley) first.

-I’m so genuinely proud of Ted for being able to say that he was upset and irritated by Michelle getting with their ex marriage counsellor. That was huge development and I’m so proud. It’s also I think really good representation of how sometimes negative feelings don’t necessarily have a resolution, but it is still helpful to air them out and not keep them locked up.

I have lots of other thoughts but I think most of them have been talked about by others. might rewatch the episode again today but idk. I’ve heard lots of people say this episode wasn’t as good but just because it wasn’t as funny or lighthearted doesn’t mean that this was a bad episode. It was actually so incredibly significant for a lot of characters and personally I really enjoyed it even if I didn’t have any fully body laughs this week. As much as Ted Lasso is a comedy show, it’s characters are the centre of the story *always* and this episode and it’s scenes was important for the characters.

[bbybrahms]

Coming out to tell the story of the Repo! Zine from discord. Idk if there are multiple Repo! servers so to be clear this is all from the server titled 'TESTIFY', since I don't want any other servers reps getting tarnished by this cus I'm sure they're doing a better job than whatever this is.

Maybe it's a case of ESH but I can't clear up anything in the server and already stuffs being said about me, so I'm posting here.

From the start the organisation of the zine was messy. It's a passion project on discord so I really don't expect perfectly organised perfection, but it was red flags from day one.

Firstly, before anything started, we were led to believe that it was going to charity, specifically a palestinian charity. For me, that was a leading motivator in applying. Although iirc one person argued against it being palestinian (suspicious), there were ppl looking at different charities and essentially it was very heavily implied by the end that would be what we're doing. Except this was never brought up again.

The lack of communication was astounding. Contributors weren't outwardly informed their application was successful, a channel was just silently made and roles silently given. It took weeks to get info on the dimensions/format/deadline etc. (the deadline was given 2 WEEKS before any info on filetypes and colour profiles etc) and a lot of the time it would be organisers going "idk I'll ask this person" "idk wait for that person to respond" just no respect for the creatives they'd gotten involved. Zero communication. Told us next to nothing for Weeks.

At this point, I wasn't seeing these as red flags I just waited for the info I needed then got on with it.

I submit my piece a few days early, then when the deadline comes I'm curious what the other contributors did so took a nosy peak in the folder (idk if this is frowned upon or not I just wanted to see others art and mine was in the same folder so I think it's ok?) But there's like 1/4 of the amount there should be in there and this is a small project to begin with. So I follow up and get told the deadlines actually moved (was this decided privately or could they just not be bothered to chase up late submissions? Idk?)

The deadline gets moved 4 times total - a lot of the time after the deadlines been, like they'd message day after for example like "btw deadlines moved". This drags the project out months more than it originally was meant to be. The creatives who submitted on time are told nothing, they just have to wait what will happen to their art.

A final deadline finally happens. They say it's final, everyone agrees. Many people have dropped out at this point and frankly I should have done the same, but since I had already submitted I didn't really see the point in calling quits so late.

After the deadlines been, there's no word. So a little while later (iirc just under a month but don't quote me on this), I chase up again about how we haven't heard anything. I get told the zines still on, the deadlines closed, things are in the works. This was early July.

In early August, someone else follows up and ask if the zine is still on and if they should post the work they made for their submission on their own. OVER A MONTH LATER(mid September), they are told they can post their work if they so please. In this same convo, a mod comes in to say they'll probably get started that week - and then ask what file type we're doing. The deadline was in June. The disrespect to the people who put hours of work into a submission for a fandom they obviously care deeply about. Not only is it months before anyone is told what's being done with their work, not only is getting a response like pulling teeth, the people organising reveal they've only just given a single thought to how they're actually going to put it together. I see this and while I don't really care about whether or not my submission makes it into the zine, I feel so bad for the other contributors who showed so much interest and enthusiasm for this project.

So first day of October (last we heard was in mid-September, deadline was end of June, whole thing began in April where the original deadline was 6 weeks), I'm like "whatever, I'm over this zine, I'll take the L and whatever discord mod wrath this server has to offer, and point out how poorly they're treating their contributors." So I tell them straightforward that the zine has been a mess from day one and that their lack of communication is disrespectful and rude, not responding for over a month is just lazy and again rude.

I'll just post what I said:

(I use light mode because I can't read light text on a dark background easily, so no one needs to go 'haha lightmode')

I absolutely stand by every word btw. The zine was a joke. The lack of respect for the creatives was just so bad, the lack of communication, the lack of organisation. All of it.

I get this in response:

one mod says "contact me if you want your piece removed" and the other mod says "if you contact anyone I'll report you for harassment"

Anyway... yeah. I get told I'M the one being disrespectful, they don't bother remembering I was the one who checked in TWICE (guess I'm forgettable that way), I get called disgraceful, embarrassing and told I should never work professionally at all?? and that I'm a disgrace to the art community. And that I'm overreacting. Haha ok.

I'd also like to bring back how we were all lead to believe this would be for charity. And suddenly it's no ones priority? Were the mods never intending to actually follow through with the charity thing or did they just forget completely since it was six months ago this was decided? Ig if anyone would be interested in buying a Repo! zine just donate to Palestine instead. Safer that way.

As you can see in the screenshots, I got timed out🫶 I can't respond to any of this and basically have to just let them lie about me never checking in and being a rude and horrible disgrace out of nowhere, also implying I don't have my own stuff going on which is Bold to say the least.

Seeing as this was the first time anyone got a response on the same day, I hope at least I helped the other contributors by spiting the mods into action? Idk? Regardless, I'd say I dodged a bullet and the mods showed their true colours. I don't want my submission used but if I contact anyone I'm getting reported (to who??) for harassment (it was one message) so I just removed my submission from the folder and hope no copies were made🤞

If anyone in the server sees this: I stand by what I said, please don't include my work, and see you round ig✌️

I don't think I'll join another Repo! server, I love Repo! it's a huge passion of mine, I'll continue making art for it when I feel like, but yeah. That's my experience in the 'TESTIFY' server. It kinda sucked.