#been drinking and have to go REALLY bad
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One of these days this blog will get big enough to get asks while I'm holding hehe
#been drinking and have to go REALLY bad#feel free to send asks#bladder holding#piss holding#omo#omorashi#irl omo#pee kink#piss kink#bladder desperation#bladder control#ftm nsft
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i miss her…
#cant believe i forgot about her till the photobook q&a im so sorry witch mona~~~~~~~#press f for honeypre atelier gachas it was gone too soon™️#(currently e x t r e m e l y worried and stressed for tomorrow like never before b u t i have to appear like im fine sobs save me monachann)#(can i go on a stress-prompted tangent here about something inane? no? toooo bad im gonna go off anyway~~~~)#ok so. like. since witch mona is the image i have up ‘ere and since it’s still 七月… today’s tangent will be on irl spooky stories!!#s o. presenting a decently repressed memory from my childhood that resurfaced while i was hibernating at home:#anyways. well. thoughts about the afterlife can vary from person to person yes? there’s no one true correct belief after all#but the one question that unites us all is probably the one and only ‘are ghosts real?’#and well. for personal reasons i think so. i mean i’ve seen this one dude i hate get possessed a couple of times so welp. cant deny it ig.#wild story about that actually. back in the day my family’s finances were allegedly doing so badly that [dude i hate] had to pick up#a *c e r t a i n* side hustle for extra cash. that side hustle? literal grave digging at the cemetary. at night no less#and *ofc* he wasn’t respectful about it in the least so ofc some spirits followed him home. yay. free roommates.#one(?) of them even took residence in my room at the time and im 80% sure they ate my history textbook :( much sads#anyways well once that guy had too much to drink (which was rather often tbh) he’d get possessed. fun!#the only possession i ever saw was the n-rarity angry ghost who’d just huff and puff in silence with unfocused eyes most of the time#he’d occasionally put on a leather jacket too. but that was like a r-rarity event that didn’t happen that often#my mother had the chance to also witness the mosquito (who tried to barge into my room for fresh blood) and the 姑娘 (self-explanatory)#which is kinda unfair tbh. i wanted to see the ur-rarity ones too :( mostly bc it’d be funny to see a guy i hate act ooc (impure intentions)#oh right. how did we get the dude out of his possession? we just shook his arm really hard. prolly caused some lasting effects but who know#i think he could also just sleep off the possession but idk i was asleep for the ur-rarity incidents.#cant ask the one witness of it bc i dont want to bring back unnecessary flashbacks of [guy we hate]#anyways it’s been years since we moved out from that place and i still want my history textbook back. mostly for the principle of it but—#and so that’s the tangent of the day. i feel weirdly less stressed now thanks witch mona#i do wonder how my grandparents are faring on this 七月 though…#b u t !!!!! tomorrow’s date on the lunar calendar says it’s an auspicious day for wishful activity and starting a new job!!! so… maybe~~~~?#hauauauauauauauuauaaaaaa anyways insane tangent over stream mona’s new album ok bye#oops forgor to disable rbs i hate how easy it is to forget to use this function man
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*insert pink color here*
#ironic that last year at this time i was really sick cause i had candidemia#(fungus in my blood and organs etc)#and now my doc is having me take a cordyceps and lionsmane supplement#LMAO#kinda fucked up but in a funny way 💀#guys if you ever get candidemia or a fungal infection the diet and meds you gotta go on SUCK#basically no sugar and i mean not even a gram of it can be in the food you consume for 4 weeks at minimum and you gotta eat mostly greens#and drink water and that's it#my infection was so bad they were worried about it fucking up my brain and other major organs so i was on that for 3 months#from what the docs said i caught it cause my last bout with covid at the time shot my immune system#and get this: they saw A LOT of people that had similiar fungal problems after said clients had covid#some food for thought if you're thinking about boosters or anything#but yeah...TLOU lite isn't fun#when fungus gets in your system that bitch doesn't want to leave and it makes you sick#covid almost killed me but the fungus shit was scary cause it likes to be incognito with symptoms until its like HEY ROOMIE#IVE BEEN INSIDE YOU FOR A LONG TIME HERE'S SOME NERVE DAMAGE A FEVER AND IMMA MAKE YOUR BRAIN FEEL LOOPIER THAN USUAL 😃#OH AND YOU PROBABLY HAVE SEPSIS MY STEPSIS#this is a tangent train psa: stay healthy#fuchsia is my vent word for good things???#not really good but???#need another pink
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try juicing your own apples. Don't have any sugar in them.
Hello anon thank you for your message and advice!
I do not think that would work for me because I don't know how to juice apples (would I need a juicer? I don't have one) and also idk if you know who I am but I am Luna I am an alter in our DID system and I am mentally around 5 years old and juicing apples sounds like a grown up project. I can do lots more stuff than an actual 5 year old but I don't wanna juice apples. But I like your idea for healthy juice cause we do make a lot of our own food and sweets and stuff instead of buying them cause we can control the ingredients and stuff but I am not the one who really does that. Lior likes to cook. Allora likes to cook. I like to watch Little Bear. Still thank you for sending a message with advice for us!
#luna speaks#answers#anyway since i've been around so much the past few weeks we might just buy some juice next time we're at the store#it's not really the added sugar in juice that's the problem#it's that lior doesn't drink it so there's no point having it if it's just gonna go bad#but i've been around a lot so it might make sense to get some again#we haven’t talked a lot about our DID on this blog yet#if anyone doesn’t know what that is or has questions or anything we’d be happy to answer
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#idk if it's because i've given autism a very in depth look now or if i just always been like this and never really thought about it#but i'm finding it harder and harder to match my feelings to what i guess i'm supposed to feel?#like when something sad happens and i have no reaction to it#it's not that i'm not sad or that i'm glad it's happening but i just have no feelings?#which in turn bring put feelings of guilt because i'm not sad or worried enough...#it's such a weird experience and i'm of course not saying that autistic people have no feelings#that's so not what i'm saying#but it is a trait of autism to have difficulty pinpointing what you feel and also difficulty expressing it in ways other people usually doit#so perhaps it is because i've learned about that that I'm accepting that maybe i just don't feel things ''the normal way''#but i'm having a weird one tonight because my mom had to leave because of an emergency with my grandma#and it's 1am right now#and i am worried. of course i am. I don't want my grandma to suffer (although i have accepted she's not gonna live much longer)#but i still don't want her to die obviously#and most importantly I don't want my mom to have to go through that... to see her mother die? that's horrible#i'm obviously sad and worried#yet i'm sitting here drinking coffee and laughing at funny videos like nothing's happening#and i feel fine... like as if my mom was just sleeping at home like every night and not at a hospital visiting her dying mother...#and i know that years back i would have gone ''what the fuck is wrong with me?!'' and perhaps maybe forced myself to feel worse#or to cry or whatever because I can't be chill when something bad is happening...#and maybe i'll feel that way when my mom is back because I can't be calm and happy is she's sad#that would be rubbing it in her face#so maybe i'll feel more guilty then?#idk it's a weird feeling that i wanted to put into words#mostly for when it happens again i'll have a record of it somewhere#idk#angel talks#personal
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things aren’t going well with peach. while i think my dad’s very right to be concerned that she hasn’t eaten anything in nearly 60 hours (obviously i am too), im becoming increasingly concerned that she hasn’t slept at all in around 36 hours and prior to that she was under anaesthetic, which isn’t exactly restful, so it’s closer to 48 hrs
like dad took her back to the vet today and we’ve got injections for her painkillers now because she’s not eating, and also injections for fluids (because she doesn’t drink; she only gets water from her food), so the not eating is Bad but also kinda under management, but if she doesn’t sleep soon i’m extremely worried. dad was like ‘if she doesn’t eat by tomorrow afternoon we’ll take her back because the injections will run out’ but like. if she doesn’t sleep tonight we have GOT to take her back first thing in the morning so they can sedate her or something
#her pain doesn’t seem to be too bad now that she’s got pain relief so idk what’s stopping her from sleeping#she won’t even lie down unless i’m sitting next to her. she just sits there staring out the window#her pupils are also taking up her entire eyes and have been all day#that’ll be a side effect of the medication and maybe the lack of sleep? but it won’t be making her feel any better#she can probably barely see at this point#like imagine you’ve been awake for 2 days after surgery and you’re in a lot of pain and haven’t eaten since before surgery#and are also on strong painkillers. and you also have no idea what’s wrong with you or why everyone’s doing things that hurt you#bruh your brain would be COOKED. there’s no way she has any idea what’s going on rn but she’s clearly feeling terrible#personal#like i think she’ll be ok in the long-term but she’s gotta somehow get through all these immediate issues#last time something like this happened she stopped drinking and never started again#not eating or sleeping don’t have workarounds as simple as putting water in her food#it really doesn’t help that there’s so much other shit going on rn#i’m doing a whole bunch of stuff with my phone and computer that’s taking a lot of work#but also my sister’s going on a long overseas trip that she’s leaving for tomorrow#so the combo of dad and sister coming and going constantly and also like 6 random deliveries for tech stuff in the last 2 days—#has the dogs really wound up. so georgie’s been howling at absolutely everything#and it’s rainy so my clothes aren’t trying and they’re hanging on a rack hooked on the hallway door so the door can’t close#which puts one less door between my room and the dogs so they’re waking me up every time anything happens#and i sleep during the day so that’s ALL THE TIME. i’ve had like 8 hrs of sleep between the last two afternoons#my sister always has so much random life stuff she wants to talk about and was getting really annoyed that i wasn’t very receptive#like ‘im about to go away for 3 months’ sorry i know its a big thing but i can’t just reschedule peach’s medical emergency
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added too much milk to my tea. i fear my life may be over 💔💔
#it’s not actually that bad it’s kinda good. i just was not expecting it#and i’m used to the specific amount of milk i usually have and this was not it.#and that upset me.#but it’s okay!!! because it is just tea!!!! at least it’s not cold idk.#AT LEAST IT WASNT TOO MUCH SUGAR!!!#i am not a sugar person when it comes to tea. i need like. half a tsp#and thats only for black tea#everything else i drink black.#but if my tea has too much sugar it is not a good experience :(#i also really don’t like when it’s not stirred properly and you get to the bottom of the cup & it’s like oh!! sugar!!! no thanks!!#it’s also really weird to me that i am not a sugar in hot drinks person#because i fucking love sweet treats!!!!! like i am such a sugar enjoyer!!!!!!!!#i am the person that will eat things that everyone else says are too sweet!!!!#i am a horrendously sweet food enjoyer!!!! i like candy corn!!!!#but yeah. anyways#why have i said more in the tags than the actual post 💔💔💔#tea#idk. thst felt necessary#i also felt like i was doing a little hashtag tea moment yk.#lately i’ve really been enjoying saying hashtag ironically idk why.#scared people think it’s unironic but also i laugh every time i dk it so. idk.#ALSO I SO GENUINELY DO NOT CARE#nobody is actually going to remember that i said hashtag one time. like no one actually cares!!!!!#ok yeah anyways!!! bye :D
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this whole epilogue is just a little treat for me oh my god. "familiar faces arrive in simulanka" does not even begin to cover it
#personal stuff#thorn plays genshin#literally gasped aloud seeing kaeya and jean#the besties........ hi.... i missed you guys so much. i'll cry#why'd the eng add that line in for kaeya. sounds like he just says ''thank you [?] miss''. why do they make him flirty he's just being nice#alice inviting the knights to simulanka once everything has calmed down... kaeya making jean take a break... what if i cry#kaeya i'm sorry . if it were up to me i never would have let you drink literal magic ink#COLLEI'S HERE TOO YIPPEE#we need to stop sneaking up on her. i feel bad whenever she gets scared :(#AWWW. she sounds happy to hear from him and wants to go say hello................... growth from her voicelines omg#AND MONA'S HERE TOO. WOOO#so glad we get to see her with the barbeloth stuff#i love when they use her idle animation in the middle of conversations it's neat :] also it using klee's constellation...#FISCHL TOO???? HII.#wanderer seeing fischl who absolutely does not remember him: oh god#ALBEDO AND KLEEEE. OH MY GOD.#klee saying mini durin is her big brother wAUUUGH.#alice just inviting her whole extended family [mondstadt + collei] is so so so so sweet. oh my god#HARD LEFT TURN?? HELLO??#albedo popping up to be like yeah that prophecy that durin will come back to life is true i've been studying it.#HELLO?????#REALLY interesting stuff. cannot believe they stuck this in a limited time event. Again#not sure if durin really will be the one coming back to life?they'd have to remodel all of dragonspine if so. or get him a new body#but yeah it just says ''rhinedottir's child'' will come back to life that could be any one of her creations right?#anyway we didn't get a fontaine event with albedo visiting elynas but this is a suitable substitute. i liked it a lot
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my doctor was sooooo fucking worthless and unhelpful im going to masturbate and i hope it fucking kills me
#“no need for follow up”#“yeah you did have several cysts we scrapped off your remaining ovary but. dw about it. idk why they were there. dw about it. oh also your#ovary on that side was freakishly huge but. dw about it. it might go away. dw about it#*doctor shrug emoji* “#“go see a gyno next year maybe. but not me im too important for that. go find and onboard a gyno to your situation. next year maybe idk lol”#he barely even looked at my incision like#this fucking appointment could have been an email. or a phone call. or they just could have let me start driving again. also i forgot to ask#if i can stop drinking ensure now or after the 6 weeks? cause that shit cost $$$$. but he probably would have been super unhelpful if i had#fr fr this guy only wanted to give me the time of day when he thought i might have fun cancer inside and now he's like gtfo!!!! get your#fugly cancerless ass out of here!!!! recover from a major surgery on your own you swagless cancerless loser 🤣 we arent helping your#swagless ass!!!#anyway it seems weird and fucked up that im was never offered to see a physical therapist and i guess am going to have to blindly trust my#abs they sliced thru are healing or whatever and to rawdog my own physical recovery of my muscles? even just dumb shit like. my center of#gravity has drastically changed since the mass removal and my back hurts like shit all the time because all my posture muscles were built up#for when i had an extra 30 pounds of cyst hanging in the front and my posture and walking reflected that. and i lowkey don't know how#hard i am able to be with my healing incision because its really tight and makes me hunch forwards still. like i would really like to know#how much i can safely or maybe should be forcing my skin and incision to stretch. without damage? is that crazy#am i crazy???#this shit is why i didnt see a doctor for 2 years until my problems had snowballed into a 30 pounds ovarian cyst that was crushing my other#organs and had one of my kidneys all backed up with piss. and even getting emergency treatment for it everyone was like. how did you like it#get this bad?? how could you not know you needed to seek medical treatment???? like. bro. seeking medical treatment isnt even a guarantee to#get medical treatment.#anyway he said my “remaining ovary seemed low key polycystic but dw about it. don't quote me on that im not dealing with it.”#bro i dont want to doctor google it i wanted an actual doctor to deal with it. fuck you.#like. maybe even a doctor who knows my situation so i dont have to struggle with getting someone to believe me and take me seriously.#but whatever. back to trying to figure out the daily protein and extra calories my body needs for recovery via doctor google i guess.#its fine 🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬
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my mum picking me up this morning: you're not as hungover as i thought you'd be
me, just yacked in an alleyway: yeah haha
#it's 3pm now and i still cant believe that happened that was. an experience#basically my mate's 21st coincided with her sister's 30th so they both had this big joint Event last night#where they literally rented out a farm house and the field nearby and set up a whole campsite and barbeque and everything#it was really random but also really good esp bc ive been friends with this girl since we were super young#and our mums were friends so ive just got. lots of connections to her family and it was nice seeing them all again#but there was fully like 60 people at this thing and i DID drink more than i meant to but i wasn't paralytic which is good#and my hangover ISNT that bad in terms of how bad my hangovers can get#it's just that my mate's dad picked us both up at 9am this morning which was already going to be... rough#and then proceeded to do the bumpiest drive down the country lanes ive ever experienced#i was literally grinding my teeth like i am NOT about to throw up in this man's car please if there is a god do not let me throw up#and i didn't! my mum picked me up from this (thankfully very quiet) road that has this rickety old alley coming off it#and i had the very humbling moment of 'im actually going to be sick aren't i' and had to WAIT FOR AN OLD WOMAN#TO FUCKING MEANDER OUT OF THE ALLEY AND WALK FAR AWAY ENOUGH FOR ME TO AT LEAST HAVE A SHRED OF DIGNITY#and proceeded to throw up. in a public alleyway. at 9:30am on a sunday. so of course i needed to tell you guys about it#im now force feeding myself garlic bread. im going to manchester tomorrow. i have a flight at the crack of dawn on tuesday#what is even going on anymore#also fully did just do nos last night with some 30 year olds. i cannot express how fucking odd a thing that is for me to do#actually no i can express it bc youse know that im funny about drugs so for me to not even be that drunk#and get offered a fucking balloon of all things and be like 'yeah why not!' is.... odd#i know i inhaled wrong though bc it didn't do a thing which honestly im happy about <3#hella goes home
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and the award for weirdest sleep goes to...
#todays gonna be a weird i think#might delete socials for a bit#i had a VIVID dream me and one of my mutuals were trying to buy a new Tolkien appendix book or something. new Middle Earth book#and we discovered even opening the book slightly caused us immense eye pain so i confronted the clerk like#WTF IS WRONG WITH YOUR BOOKS#and she was like THOSE HAVE BEEN CURSED GET OUT GET OUT YOU CAN ONLY READ THEM IF YOU PERSONALLY EMBROIDER THE PAGES WITH THE TEXT#and she had like. embroidery kits for the damn book#anyway. that's like the 4th night in a row ive slept badly so.#gonna delete socials and just focus on 1. adding books to librarything. 2. setting up the aerogarden. and 3. finishing this book#i wanted today to be a chill relaxed don't bother with plans day but i think my brain needs a strict to do list lol#also gonna make cabbage rolls for supper. side note the label on that box is REALLY cute ill try and remember to post a photo#not sure if ill make my intended cocktail for tonight. i thought i was sleeping poorly bc i was drinking them before bed but i only had tea#last night and slept worse than ever so. idk. i already have half the ingredients for it...#anyway. the coffeepot is done so i gotta stop rambling and do something#oh side note i found where i went wrong with my budget yesterday LOL i calculated everything monthly EXCEPT my groceries#only added the biweekly/per paycheck number for those which is why i had so much 'extra'#WHOOPSIES#so i gotta redo that and it's actually going to look PRETTY BAD not PRETTY GOOD so
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idk i think my bf might be developing a drinking problem and i just don’t know what to do…..
#it’s been going on for a couple of months now but he promised he would stop and he had been doing well until today….#and it’s like. on one hand i never wanted to be w an alcoholic and i told him straight so he promised it would stop#but on the other hand i can’t just abandon him#and it’s like we used to go out a lot and party but like. that was it but ever since he met this guy he just gets lost when he drinks w him#and the thing was he got like aggressive like he didn’t do anything to me and i can’t really explain it but he just wasn’t himself#and like. we talked about it a million times and it’s not like it happens every week#it’s been like 5 times since december#but 3 have been on the past month alone#and two weeks ago it got bad like he almost got into an accident#and like i’m not even physically w him anymore like we really only see each other once a week since i moved#and from the very first time it happened i told him i couldn’t be w him if it kept happening#and after that incident two weeks ago he swore it was the last time but it just happened again#by the way he and that guy get wasted it really is a miracle they get home alive#and like. idk what to do#i really don’t want to be w someone like this#and i hate feeling like this like if i were to think only about myself i don’t want this i hate feeling like this#but i also can’t abandon him#like not even bc i would miss him or whatever i just wouldn’t feel good leaving him alone#but like i don’t want to live like this#maybe i’ll ask for some time to just figure things out#but it’s gonna suck so bad bc we were supposed to see kendrick lamar next week and then we already had plans for his bday and omfg#i don’t wanna leave but i don’t want things to be like this either#and i asked him to stop and gave him multiple chances but idk#i just don’t know what to do#i love him endlessly but i need to put myself first but i can’t abandon him:(#and our 1.5 anniversary was also next week…..#but i think time is the sanest and safest thing right now
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starting to get rly nauseous :-((((
#gonna try to drink a protein shake before i take meds this morning. probably i just didnt eat enough yesterday or sleep enough#and i have been very anxious anyway. but if its still like this tomorrow morning ill ask my dr if i can go back down to 30mg#its not as bad as concerta but its still really uncomfortable. my tolerance for nausea is very low#ugrjrhfjfgb dont wanna go to work today.....#.diaries
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girl help I’m experiencing
#weird addendum but pls don’t reblog my vent posts??? why would you even want to????#everything has been So Much lately and I wasn’t gonna vent but then I remembered this is my blog and I can do what I want#one of my best friends left the country last week and he’ll be gone for like two years and I’m so sad without him around#I mean he’s been messaging me every day since he left but it’s still hard not having him here yknow?#and I’m moving into his place but it requires a lot of work before I can so I’m always exhausted#and my joints have all but given out on me completely so I’m always covered in KT tape and braces#which doesn’t gel very well with moving furniture and heavy boxes#and I have no money so I need to be job searching but I can’t do that until I move. BUT I NEED MONEY TO MOVE#on top of that my grandpa died and there’s so much family drama involving that it’s unreal#and weirdly the thing I’ve recently felt bad about is I’ve been neglecting my self imposed Fandom Duties#maybe not fandom specifically but like. creative duties#I want to write fic. I want to draw. I want to read and comment on other people’s stuff#I also really want to do more of my non fandom writing because I want to get something published this year. but i got no good idea aaack#or early next year#and I’ve just had like. no time at all to do any of it and the time I have had I’ve been too drained to do it#ughghghghghghggh#I think today I will drink and try to write something. as a treat.#after I go on a reblog spree to bury this because emotions are very embarrassing#anyway how are you?
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anyway I just had the most frustrating appointment with a doctor I've maybe ever had
#went in to talk about the ol' mental health#because it has been bad!#and obviously I am Grieving so of course I'm not well but i just wanted to flag it with a doctor because of my history#and honestly some of the feelings I've had lately have been scary. so doctor it is.#anyway she kept just listing other courses/universities i could go to and asking what i wanted to do as a career#and I'm there like hello! i dont want to talk about university courses! I am very depressed!#I am a recovering addict who has started drinking again! I am scared I am falling into the abyss again!!!#and i kid you not. she suggested starting a fucking gratitude journal.#I also tried bringing up OCD because it has really been occuring to me lately that I experience those symptoms#and it's something I'd like to explore. those thoughts sure can intrude etc etc.#and she was just like nah dont worry about it 👍 try going for a walk!!#anyway fortunately I have my ADHD assessment soon and I'm hoping to bring some of this stuff to them. because jfc that was AWFUL
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I think I MIGHT be gradually dying
#I’m so dehydrated that my lips are kinda torn up. I’m drinking water just not absorbing it#my stomach hurts it’s hard to get anything through my esophagus in either direction#my head hurts really bad. every time one finally goes away another starts really soon. subsequently I’m barely sleeping#I wake up in more pain and very dehydrated#I HAVE been to the ER for iv fluids and potassium and zofran recently. might have to go back soon.#I’m very disoriented all the time and I’m short of breath and I’m subsequently depressed bc I can’t engage in hobbies or activities
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