#been drinking and have to go REALLY bad
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secret-diary-of-a-femboy · 8 months ago
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One of these days this blog will get big enough to get asks while I'm holding hehe
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benoitblanc · 2 days ago
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heavy sigh. siri queue landslide by fleetwood mac
#in case anyone is wondering how it's going in the life of arwen: my best friend group is six people#me flatmate (who is my best friend) and two couples (third and fourth flatmates and their partners)#flatmate and i have kind of been fighting off and on for a few weeks. nothing major but our relationship is definitely changing#and i think it's scaring us both a little (or at least it's scaring me) so we're more prickly with each other than normal#but i guess fighting is an unfair way to put it. we're not really fighting. but i really really really miss not doing it#cut to monday night fourth flatmate and her girlfriend split after 3.5 years after girlfriend very clearly fucked up#but in a way where she could've still saved the relationship yet decided it wasn't worth the effort#fourth flatmate is understandably a WRECK#so the rest of us are all trying to be as supportive as we possibly can but it's just. really blindsiding#because it means that not only did girlfriend decide her relationship with fourth flatmate wasn't worth salvaging#WHICH MIND YOU IS BAD ENOUGH#but also that her relationships with the other FOUR of us weren't worth salvaging. third flatmate was her best friend for THREE YEARS#she would come over and make popcorn and watch doctor who with flatmate and me like once a week. that's over#she'd go to the bar with third flatmate's boyfriend because the rest of us don't really drink. also over#and flatmate third flatmate and i feel kind of guilty expressing the fact that we're also grieving one of our best friends#because obviously what fourth flatmate is going through is much worse#i also have an interview in two days on the other side of the country that has the potential to completely change my life#and i don't think i've ever wanted anything this much and it's suffocating. and it will mean leaving flatmate. and i love him#but i need to get into this program i need to i need to#also i'm on my period. yee fuckin haw#anyway how are the rest of us doing#arwen.text
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telesodalite · 1 month ago
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I need to be weirder about the scavengers and cannibalism...
#its been a long day... but im feeling better now. (thanks for the well wishes and such btw <3-)#(-sending my well wishes in return by tenfold bcs. damn. it seems stuff is really going around rn)#but yeah... just. augh. theres just smth about how the scavs sorta translate into more like. thriller-esque genres pretty well?#like. i feel somehow those themes compliment their characteristics? or could compliment their characteristics in a more rounded out way#sure. theyre generally a light hearted romp of absurdity with occasional themes of a not good not bad handling of 'mental health matters'#but they just really shine a bit in horrific circumstances. esp with the sort of absurdity they bring to the table#theyre odd people. even in the context of their generally weird and alien universe. and that right there feels like a trove of potential#its like. ok. the lost light crew? also odd. but thats a huge ship. full of people and variety and a sense of purpose and normalcy post-war#(normalcy being. whatever all those background folks were getting up too while plot happened around them. cruise ship stuff ig)#but in contrast. with the w.a.p crew. its an ark class ship with like. a handful of people. and a whole lot of junk and free time#both just cruising through space endlessly for years. one with hundreds of people. and one with like 6 people.#so both are technically isolated when theyre not making pit-stops planet or station side. but again. 100s vs 6 dudes.#think. top of the line cruise ship from hell with a small town sized populace vs a big shitty boat and 6 starving guys#both have the capacity to become case studies in madness. both could do really well thriller wise. but the scavs being a smaller group?#it only being the 6 of them emphasis the isolation perhaps. less variety. less change. same 6 people for 5(?) years#things could get weird fast. codependent mentalities. us vs them mindsets. an otherness about everyone else outside of their group#and then! then you add to the mix the fact that theyre eating/drinking from corpses?! *chefs kiss* awesome. love it.#non-stationary isolation + cannibalism. ough. perfect mix. a classic of maritime horror but in space! :D!#a big ship. small crew. living while knowing that as soon as you kick the bucket. your body is the meal. your body is the fuel.#no decorum about it. no faith. no belief. just perverse survival. bcs they might enjoy it. a bloody gluttony. with a bite. a sample. a taste#it takes seeing your buddy as a walking talking burger to another level. bcs every corpse you come across is also a burger. and a gas can#also fulcrum making candy out of corpses is so. particularly perfect when it comes to the horrifically absurd. just. smth about it. idk#but also also. the line. where was the line drawn for each of them? and when did they each cross it?#most of them dont seem like the type to jump head first into that. so how did they justify it to themselves? had they done it before?#and then. when did it become normal? a habit? smth enjoyable?#i might be running out of tags. but yeah. them being weirder. esp about each other and others.#nothing brings a group of people together like the overhanging knowledge that you sort of kinda wanna eat each other#(rlly wishing i could stomach realistic thrillers rn. but i just cant. gotta stick to written or artistic styles or risk panic attacks :/)#(ive tried a couple movies and shows now. and cant get through most of them. praise be synopses and peoples long rambles about them tho :D)#(nothing like reading someones passionate ramble about the meaning/symbolism of some gory nightmare without having to actually see it lol)
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deus-ex-mona · 5 months ago
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i miss her…
#cant believe i forgot about her till the photobook q&a im so sorry witch mona~~~~~~~#press f for honeypre atelier gachas it was gone too soon™️#(currently e x t r e m e l y worried and stressed for tomorrow like never before b u t i have to appear like im fine sobs save me monachann)#(can i go on a stress-prompted tangent here about something inane? no? toooo bad im gonna go off anyway~~~~)#ok so. like. since witch mona is the image i have up ‘ere and since it’s still 七月… today’s tangent will be on irl spooky stories!!#s o. presenting a decently repressed memory from my childhood that resurfaced while i was hibernating at home:#anyways. well. thoughts about the afterlife can vary from person to person yes? there’s no one true correct belief after all#but the one question that unites us all is probably the one and only ‘are ghosts real?’#and well. for personal reasons i think so. i mean i’ve seen this one dude i hate get possessed a couple of times so welp. cant deny it ig.#wild story about that actually. back in the day my family’s finances were allegedly doing so badly that [dude i hate] had to pick up#a *c e r t a i n* side hustle for extra cash. that side hustle? literal grave digging at the cemetary. at night no less#and *ofc* he wasn’t respectful about it in the least so ofc some spirits followed him home. yay. free roommates.#one(?) of them even took residence in my room at the time and im 80% sure they ate my history textbook :( much sads#anyways well once that guy had too much to drink (which was rather often tbh) he’d get possessed. fun!#the only possession i ever saw was the n-rarity angry ghost who’d just huff and puff in silence with unfocused eyes most of the time#he’d occasionally put on a leather jacket too. but that was like a r-rarity event that didn’t happen that often#my mother had the chance to also witness the mosquito (who tried to barge into my room for fresh blood) and the 姑娘 (self-explanatory)#which is kinda unfair tbh. i wanted to see the ur-rarity ones too :( mostly bc it’d be funny to see a guy i hate act ooc (impure intentions)#oh right. ​how did we get the dude out of his possession? we just shook his arm really hard. prolly caused some lasting effects but who know#i think he could also just sleep off the possession but idk i was asleep for the ur-rarity incidents.#cant ask the one witness of it bc i dont want to bring back unnecessary flashbacks of [guy we hate]#anyways it’s been years since we moved out from that place and i still want my history textbook back. mostly for the principle of it but—#and so that’s the tangent of the day. i feel weirdly less stressed now thanks witch mona#i do wonder how my grandparents are faring on this 七月 though…#b u t !!!!! tomorrow’s date on the lunar calendar says it’s an auspicious day for wishful activity and starting a new job!!! so… maybe~~~~?#hauauauauauauauuauaaaaaa anyways insane tangent over stream mona’s new album ok bye#oops forgor to disable rbs i hate how easy it is to forget to use this function man
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doux-amer · 2 months ago
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One thing that has deeply annoyed me about the response from Americans/Westerners about this week's events in Korea is that a lot of them, including people I like and respect, are like, "The protesting civilians and lawmakers who barged into the National Assembly would've been shot if this were the U.S./this would've never happened in the U.S. because people are too afraid of being shot." There's some truth to that, at least with regard to state violence, but I'm fed up because it doesn't account for how frightening this could have turned out to be had it not been for how much of an inept flop dunce Yoon Sukyeol is. It minimizes the courage of those who showed up.
Sure, it was likely that the military and riot police wouldn't have done much (again, YSY's self-coup wasn't thought out well, and there's more evidence of that as military officials and soldiers are speaking up about the lack of information they received, but I'll refrain from talking about that to avoid making this even longer than it inevitably will be, knowing myself), but let's not pretend there haven't been issues with them in recent years. They pepper sprayed and used water cannons during an anniversary rally for the Sewol ferry victims (x) (x) (if you don't understand how unbelievably cruel that is, look into the horrific Sewol ferry sinking). They tear gassed crowds (Korea has a gruesome history of this) and sprayed water cannons, and citizens have been injured and killed during the 2015 protests and 2016-17 Park Geunhye impeachment protests, notably Baek Namgi, an elderly activist whose death caused global outrage (x) (x). Park Geunhye was going to enforce martial law during those protests according to a leaked document, with hundreds of tanks, thousands of soldiers and special force troops! (x)
Not to mention, there are decades of extreme state violence that have scarred an entire country and are still super fresh for a huge percentage of the population. Again, check out that tear gas history piece. Look up the April Revolution, Gwangju massacre, and June uprising and see just how bloody they were. Thousands of civilians were tortured and killed. Look at how many protests were going on year after year during the 1980s. That isn't that long ago! All those older people who ran to the National Assembly to stop the coup? You bet a lot of them were college students who protested during that time or knew people who did. All the younger people? They may not have experienced what it was like living under martial law, but as I said, state violence still occurs, however much it's dwindled over the years, and you have to account for generational trauma. I don't think I'll ever forget the way I felt when I saw the breaking news alert about the martial law declaration on December 3. I've never experienced that, at least to that degree.
Instead of viewing the response from civilians and elected officials through the framework of police brutality in the U.S., it should be contextualized using Korea's own history. Thankfully most of the serious discussions are doing this, but like I said, even people who are smart about reading up on things have reflected on how this wouldn't fly in the U.S., not because of the difference in protest history, civil movements, and public engagement with both in the two countries but because of the military/police response. There's an insinuation there that Koreans would be more reluctant to do what they did if they knew what it's like to live in fear of violence instead of living in such a safe country like Korea...and I want to yell.
It was monumentally brave of everyone to do what they did to stop the coup. We're all laughing at how stupid the coup was and there's a reason why people were more furious than scared because of the political history of Korea and the laws set in place to protect the democracy and neutralize coup attempts, but this could have easily become a disaster. It's not alarmist of me to say so because there was no way for anyone to be 100% sure of how the military would react—especially when no one knew what the hell was going on.
#i am...not vibing with these posts about how people are like 'omg those poor soldiers/good on them for dragging their feet'#yes mandatory military service means being there against your will#and i DO believe a lot of soldiers probably were super shaken or confused by what was going on#especially with the news coming out that soldiers weren't aware of what their mission was#to find out your orders and see your people look at you with rage disgust and maybe even fear especially as a young person...#i get that it's upsetting and you can tell that a lot of them didn't want to be there!#but lol are we forgetting there are people who weren't conscripts involved?#are we forgetting that people will follow directions if it's drilled into them to do say especially with the threat of retaliation?#are we forgetting that mandatory military service goes back decades#and amazingly soldiers and police still committed atrocities against civilians during previous protests or what?#idk i think it's your moral duty to engage in weaponized incompetence malicious compliance insubordination etc.#when you're asked to do something evil so i don't really want to praise people for being decent#even if i'm glad they did and i'm relieved they did it you know? but that's just me#omg sorry i'm ranting. ANYWAY! history in every single country has shown#how easy it can be for things to go south rapidly so while there were things that made the coup expire as quickly as it did#and it's HILARIOUS and i'm enjoying myself...it could have turned out very different#just a few wrong turns—just ONE wrong turn—and it could have been bad#rules and orders are good and all but if someone wants to commit violence they will do it#i'm just relieved i didn't have time to worry myself sick over this before it was all over lmao#so i can just feel a lot of pride and admiration for everyone doing their best to exercise and protect their rights#and do it with great panache and fun. the protests are like concerts! the protest songs are so funny#the signs!!!!! i'm dying over them. the number of people paying for food and drinks for the protestors#enough that businesses in the protest areas had to stop taking prepaid orders!#the older people who said they have to get to the front that night to protect all the young protestors with their bodies#in case the military tries to attack civilians! 😭 that part made me almost cry#the ajusshi who (drunkenly?) shouted how much he loved all his friends who came out to protest like the old days#democracy is fragile and we have to protect it#and i think korea right now is a shining beacon of the power of the people
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savage-rhi · 5 months ago
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*insert pink color here*
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briar--rising · 4 months ago
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try juicing your own apples. Don't have any sugar in them.
Hello anon thank you for your message and advice!
I do not think that would work for me because I don't know how to juice apples (would I need a juicer? I don't have one) and also idk if you know who I am but I am Luna I am an alter in our DID system and I am mentally around 5 years old and juicing apples sounds like a grown up project. I can do lots more stuff than an actual 5 year old but I don't wanna juice apples. But I like your idea for healthy juice cause we do make a lot of our own food and sweets and stuff instead of buying them cause we can control the ingredients and stuff but I am not the one who really does that. Lior likes to cook. Allora likes to cook. I like to watch Little Bear. Still thank you for sending a message with advice for us!
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sherlock-is-ace · 4 months ago
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#idk if it's because i've given autism a very in depth look now or if i just always been like this and never really thought about it#but i'm finding it harder and harder to match my feelings to what i guess i'm supposed to feel?#like when something sad happens and i have no reaction to it#it's not that i'm not sad or that i'm glad it's happening but i just have no feelings?#which in turn bring put feelings of guilt because i'm not sad or worried enough...#it's such a weird experience and i'm of course not saying that autistic people have no feelings#that's so not what i'm saying#but it is a trait of autism to have difficulty pinpointing what you feel and also difficulty expressing it in ways other people usually doit#so perhaps it is because i've learned about that that I'm accepting that maybe i just don't feel things ''the normal way''#but i'm having a weird one tonight because my mom had to leave because of an emergency with my grandma#and it's 1am right now#and i am worried. of course i am. I don't want my grandma to suffer (although i have accepted she's not gonna live much longer)#but i still don't want her to die obviously#and most importantly I don't want my mom to have to go through that... to see her mother die? that's horrible#i'm obviously sad and worried#yet i'm sitting here drinking coffee and laughing at funny videos like nothing's happening#and i feel fine... like as if my mom was just sleeping at home like every night and not at a hospital visiting her dying mother...#and i know that years back i would have gone ''what the fuck is wrong with me?!'' and perhaps maybe forced myself to feel worse#or to cry or whatever because I can't be chill when something bad is happening...#and maybe i'll feel that way when my mom is back because I can't be calm and happy is she's sad#that would be rubbing it in her face#so maybe i'll feel more guilty then?#idk it's a weird feeling that i wanted to put into words#mostly for when it happens again i'll have a record of it somewhere#idk#angel talks#personal
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cemeterym · 4 months ago
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i'm begging my uni to stop making every fucking student social activity something where you have to walk around a bunch if you are a slow walker who cannot help it they literally want you dead
#i try to walk as fast as i humanly can. which i shouldn't bc it hurts and makes me dizzy. and i'm still slower than everyone else#last week we divided into groups and had to walk to checkpoints around the city to do tasks#i had a friend in my group who knows abt my issues and they walked slower with me which was nice. everyone else walked like 10 20 meters#ahead and it was fucking embarrassing bc for every checkpoint they had to wait for me#and i felt bad my friend couldn't talk to anyone else in the group bc they were zooming way ahead of us and i'm the one who couldn't keep up#and like. they didn't know my body's fucked. but these are people i do not know well at all and maybe i don't wanna disclose my medical#history to everyone i interact with#and like this event wasn't mandatory. i could've skipped it#but it's every fucking time#most nights we end up going to a bar and to these people “walking distance” is like a half an hour. and they walk fast#i can never keep up#i don't reallu enjoy bars either and i don't drink but you just kinda have to endure to socialize. some days i can't handle it tho#this week there's another checkpoint type activity. i know i shouldn't. i know i'm gonna slow everyone down#but i got specifically asked and invited to be a part of a team. i can't remember the last time that happened#also we're doing a group costume and mine includes platform heels on the streets of a very old city i am so cooked#my friend is nice tho. they know the basic lore and check up on me a bunch which always catches me off guard 😭#i'm used to pushing through and also used to people not really taking my shit into consideration so i don't know how to respond sometimes#2 people in the group know the issues and i just sent the gc a “sorry in advance i can't walk very fast” so like what else is there to do#only accessibility info we're ever given is if it's wheelchair accessible. and that's good. like you should do that. but it kinda ends there#like how much walking is there. where are the stops. are there places to sit.#i love having to either push through or be excluded disabilities are awesome#been in soooo much pain lately and have to take breaks walking uphill. functional body#i live in an area where everything. literally everything. is uphill one way or another. so as you can imagine it's going great#also “you have to endure to socialize” as if i don't end up hovering around my friend like a lost puppy with separation anxiety anyway#the group costume is winx club. btw
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danielnelsen · 5 months ago
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things aren’t going well with peach. while i think my dad’s very right to be concerned that she hasn’t eaten anything in nearly 60 hours (obviously i am too), im becoming increasingly concerned that she hasn’t slept at all in around 36 hours and prior to that she was under anaesthetic, which isn’t exactly restful, so it’s closer to 48 hrs
like dad took her back to the vet today and we’ve got injections for her painkillers now because she’s not eating, and also injections for fluids (because she doesn’t drink; she only gets water from her food), so the not eating is Bad but also kinda under management, but if she doesn’t sleep soon i’m extremely worried. dad was like ‘if she doesn’t eat by tomorrow afternoon we’ll take her back because the injections will run out’ but like. if she doesn’t sleep tonight we have GOT to take her back first thing in the morning so they can sedate her or something
#her pain doesn’t seem to be too bad now that she’s got pain relief so idk what’s stopping her from sleeping#she won’t even lie down unless i’m sitting next to her. she just sits there staring out the window#her pupils are also taking up her entire eyes and have been all day#that’ll be a side effect of the medication and maybe the lack of sleep? but it won’t be making her feel any better#she can probably barely see at this point#like imagine you’ve been awake for 2 days after surgery and you’re in a lot of pain and haven’t eaten since before surgery#and are also on strong painkillers. and you also have no idea what’s wrong with you or why everyone’s doing things that hurt you#bruh your brain would be COOKED. there’s no way she has any idea what’s going on rn but she’s clearly feeling terrible#personal#like i think she’ll be ok in the long-term but she’s gotta somehow get through all these immediate issues#last time something like this happened she stopped drinking and never started again#not eating or sleeping don’t have workarounds as simple as putting water in her food#it really doesn’t help that there’s so much other shit going on rn#i’m doing a whole bunch of stuff with my phone and computer that’s taking a lot of work#but also my sister’s going on a long overseas trip that she’s leaving for tomorrow#so the combo of dad and sister coming and going constantly and also like 6 random deliveries for tech stuff in the last 2 days—#has the dogs really wound up. so georgie’s been howling at absolutely everything#and it’s rainy so my clothes aren’t trying and they’re hanging on a rack hooked on the hallway door so the door can’t close#which puts one less door between my room and the dogs so they’re waking me up every time anything happens#and i sleep during the day so that’s ALL THE TIME. i’ve had like 8 hrs of sleep between the last two afternoons#my sister always has so much random life stuff she wants to talk about and was getting really annoyed that i wasn’t very receptive#like ‘im about to go away for 3 months��� sorry i know its a big thing but i can’t just reschedule peach’s medical emergency
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skeletonfromthecloset · 3 months ago
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added too much milk to my tea. i fear my life may be over 💔💔
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aromanticasterisms · 6 months ago
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this whole epilogue is just a little treat for me oh my god. "familiar faces arrive in simulanka" does not even begin to cover it
#personal stuff#thorn plays genshin#literally gasped aloud seeing kaeya and jean#the besties........ hi.... i missed you guys so much. i'll cry#why'd the eng add that line in for kaeya. sounds like he just says ''thank you [?] miss''. why do they make him flirty he's just being nice#alice inviting the knights to simulanka once everything has calmed down... kaeya making jean take a break... what if i cry#kaeya i'm sorry . if it were up to me i never would have let you drink literal magic ink#COLLEI'S HERE TOO YIPPEE#we need to stop sneaking up on her. i feel bad whenever she gets scared :(#AWWW. she sounds happy to hear from him and wants to go say hello................... growth from her voicelines omg#AND MONA'S HERE TOO. WOOO#so glad we get to see her with the barbeloth stuff#i love when they use her idle animation in the middle of conversations it's neat :] also it using klee's constellation...#FISCHL TOO???? HII.#wanderer seeing fischl who absolutely does not remember him: oh god#ALBEDO AND KLEEEE. OH MY GOD.#klee saying mini durin is her big brother wAUUUGH.#alice just inviting her whole extended family [mondstadt + collei] is so so so so sweet. oh my god#HARD LEFT TURN?? HELLO??#albedo popping up to be like yeah that prophecy that durin will come back to life is true i've been studying it.#HELLO?????#REALLY interesting stuff. cannot believe they stuck this in a limited time event. Again#not sure if durin really will be the one coming back to life?they'd have to remodel all of dragonspine if so. or get him a new body#but yeah it just says ''rhinedottir's child'' will come back to life that could be any one of her creations right?#anyway we didn't get a fontaine event with albedo visiting elynas but this is a suitable substitute. i liked it a lot
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thebyter · 2 months ago
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i read this one uu fic where ash knows tht spoke is spoke inthe mafia episode and its lkke him giving spoke a ceremony outfit and its kinda gay with all of the caressing and shit but idk if i like them that way Id prefer to see them in a toxic platonic way but the author might make them kiss if they make a sequel but ill pretend that its a cheek kiss instead if they do
#its a shame cuz its my fav fic so far#but if they do oh well I wont complain i wont be mean it might be kinda weird cuz spoke is 17 inthink Oh wow hes a year older tha me thats#crazy ngl not sure how to process that but#I really liked the fic because it was so good in making ash manipulative but also I dont have much to complain over#I wouldve said that spokes too dumbed down in the fic but hes stupid in uu#well not stupid I need to stop using that word so freely its moreso uhrr#He struggles with making decisions quickly and processing things and that causes people(ash) to take advantage of him#in ls hes the leader in uu he follows#really visible with him and mapicc 'Follow me me me!' 'Lets go go go!'#I do love the fic a lot I really want to see how the ceremony would play out#because ashalso fkrced spoke to drink aglass of milk and told him not to go invis and i assume theres gonna be multiple invis players#which would be reallyyyy interesting#Lkke the guy with the biggest mark on his head is getting a ceremony. something no other diamond player has got. this guy that everyone has#been told to kill on sight is rigth next to ash sorta like a right hand man situation but he doesn't have a say in anything it kinda plays#more into spoke being some sort of thropy but i dont want to objectify him in my mind cuz thats ickyyyyy#ash : I cant stop winning#!#I want to see ash make spoke come with him when hes taunting parrot loke inthe recent uu episode#I reallly loved that#I might become an uu ash fan but In our system we have a uu mapicc (named mape cuz we got 2 mapiccs) So When he finds out i like ash#hes gonna get mad but like I dont support his actions theyre clearly bad and flawed and evil like ls wemmbu but i csnt bring myself but to#like them#I say as I remember the evil alter forming sensation in my brain#We already got ls wemmbu Dont tell me were gonna get uu ash inhere too#Ohhh god this is gonna be so fucking bad#text
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nbspacegay · 19 days ago
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oop
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orcelito · 24 days ago
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This just in, local struggler severely overestimates how much they can eat yet again. Left with half a bowl of ramen and a sad, sad heart
#speculation nation#it's homemade at least so im not wasting money on fancy ramen#but i Hate this man it sucks 😭😭😭😭#i keep losing weight bc i can never eat enough#and i was like 'ok lets make a ramen thats a good sized meal' but then i cant FINISH it#forced myself to finish all the eggs at least and now im just picking at the peas. ugh.#at this rate im gonna have to start drinking ensures more regularly again#bc i havent gotten to the underweight phase yet but if it keeps going like this then i will#like it was. excuse me talking about my weight for a bit but im a tad bit concerned about it#but back before i started adderall back in uhh. september?? i think?? or october???#fuck if i remember. been a few months tho. but also not That long.#anyways i was at like. 140lbs at the doctor and like 137lbs at home (relevant bc clothes weight. rest of this will be at home weights)#and ive had such shit appetite that ive been watching it go down and down. like at least a pound a week. sometimes two pounds.#and now im at 123lbs. which is a solid almost 15 lbs lost in like 3 ish months. which is kind of a lot when ur small to begin with.#also a little alarming when u see this happen like a pound lower between every shower. bc i tend to check before i shower.#& i often shower every 4 days or so. when im in the Rotting Era and all. aka i dont rly go outside much.#and like 123lbs still isnt bad for 5'3“ but i think 107lbs is the cutoff for underweight. and im halfway there.#and now see i was about this weight a few years back so in one respect it's nice to fit into some of my older pants again#but at the same time..thats too quick!!! thats not healthy!!!! but when i try to eat more i Cant!!! it makes me nauseous!!!!!#so back in early 2020 when i was dipping under 110lbs bc of meds stuff i got onto ensure and it did help. so maybe i need to again.#just..blegh. i just kinda feel empty all the time. like stomach-wise. but not Hungry. it's a problem.#gotta come up with ways to eat that dont rely on my stomach to tell me when to eat. bc it's definitely not doing a good job at that.#weight mention/#and like see ive been eating 2 meals a day on average but i was doing that before too!!!!!!#but i think it's bc i cant Finish my meals half the time that's really causing problems.#staring at my half eaten bowl of ramen very grumpily. it has now been long enough that it's kind of gross.#and my arms hurt. just bc my bone aches have decided to flare up again. very grumpy.#negative/#i guess lol
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lesbianlenas · 2 months ago
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the holiday party i had to go to ended up being fine lol i was basically just talking to the other ppl i externed w and some previous interns so it was not actually uncomfortable when i went at all even tho i did almost pass out at one point idk what that was abt. my body is allergic to going out i think i have some sort of medical issue every time i go outside. anyway. i should not have whined and complained so much it was literally fine 😭
#michelle speaks#i was sooooo close to not going like sitting on my floor giving myself a pep talk level 😭 it was so bad a real low point for me 😭#but like i just had it in my head for some reason that i would be alone bc the other ppl i externed w would not want to talk to me or smth#but like literally we just talked to each other the whole time 😭 and when i got there 40 mins late they were like oh we were wondering#where u were & one of them was like i was going to text u & realized i didn’t have ur number etc. so i went insane for no reason.#i mean there IS a reason but i’m not going to get into my tragic backstory. it’s actually not tragic i’m js there is a reason why i had#that mindset from a previous experience but like yeah i was all worried abt it for no reason 👍#which like typically i don’t do the everyone hates me wah wah bit since i started taking antidepressants & it wasn’t really that it is#different but quite literally i don’t feel like explaining i am soooooo tired 😭 not from going to that party i was only there for a few hrs#& i got back a while ago idk what it is. maybe i was so stressed abt it & now i’m not anymore so i’m tired……:#no idea why i almost passed out tho i was just standing there and i was like whoa. and i sat down & i was fine but like idk 😭#i literally only had one drink and like a fourth of another drink bc i did not like that one so i got the other one#and i have drank many times w my medications & stuff and have always been fine that has never happened before#and i have drank a lot more & been fine so like?? at this point i am just like yeah ok whatever. u do u i guess.
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