#been bored out of my mind lately
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i think people give elise too much shit for her little outburst at the end of sonic 06 because if i was running a country at 17 and had been repressing my emotions for 10 years straight and one day i got kidnapped like 500 times and ended up befriending the guy who rescued me and while spending time with him i felt like i really got to be myself and have fun for the first time in forever and formed a really meaningful relationship with him only for some weird demon rat thing to show up and kill him right in front of me just to make me cry so the destructive fire god that my dad sealed inside my body would be unleashed and then in order to save the world i had to reset the timeline and forget we ever met i would have become the joker
#posts that sound insane to people who dont know the sonic lore#been htinking about sonic 06 again lately#also i didnt know how to work this in but remember the scene where she jumped off eggman's airship not knowing sonic was gonna catch her .#yeah#also i think its pretty obvious that she wasnt actually gonna let the world end so she could stay with sonic#considering she ended up blowing out the flame anyway. she just had a lot of feelings about it. which shes allowed to do#anyway. people alwasy say elise is boring and has no personality or character#but i think shes interesting. once you actually start paying attention to her#also i dont even ship sonelise but i think its pretty clear that sonic and elise meant alot to eachother#even if i prefer to make it platonic in my mind#people who say sonic hated elise just hate elise themselves and are projecting that onto sonic#< TO BE CLEAR PLATONIC RELATIONSHIPS CAN STILL BE VERY DEEP AND MEANINGFUL#idk if my wording on that was weird
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Got super bored in a college lecture and suddenly treebark had possessed me
#og post#my art#treebark#trafficshipping#itlw#martyn inthelittlewood#rendog#fuckin. showing up to me psychology class and they’re like ‘let’s talk about neuroscience’#like YEAH it’s relevant but it’s also boring as hell and also NOT ON THE TEST. LET ME OUT#idk why treebark was on the mind. as of late its not typically#but hey i won’t look a gift horse in the mouth (aka i actually DREW something. i’d been struggling to draw lately)#also this was done entirely in a program i’d never used before. procreate. so that was a little agonizing#except the text that was done in my normal art program#bc i couldnt be bothered to figure out how to accomplish it in procreate
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i was having a chuckle to myself last night about Gristol, and how his plans are basically:
Restore Ford Cruller's memory
Find Maligula
???
Profit
but then... of course they are, right? this is Gristol we're talking about. Fatherland Follies drives home again and again that he's still operating on a child's logic, a warped and reductive version of the world that he never bothered to grow out of. both of his memory vaults center on the images of his childhood, this idealized version of the past that he clings to no matter what. and that's still how he remembers Maligula, too - as this saviour figure, who rushes in to help him when he's in trouble.
[ID: Two slides from Gristol's memory vault, Glory to Grulovia! Left: Gristol clings to Maligula's back as she summons waves to sweep away his assailants. Right: Gristol and Maligula waving from a balcony as the people cheer. Gzar Theodore brandishes a dagger in the background.]
like so much else, Maligula represents a return to this idyllic childhood - to the peace and simplicity of his youth, when he was free from worries and responsibilities. in his mind, he doesn't need to make any further plans - once Maligula's back, everything will go back to normal. Maligula will make everything better.
...is what i thought, but then i remembered this line:
[Screenshot source. ID: Gristol, in Truman's body, bows on his hands and knees in front of the newly-awaked Maligula. The caption reads: "Yes, High Priestess! I am here to correct the mistakes made by my father!"]
and that's kind of interesting, right?
to be clear: this happens directly after Maligula sees Helmut-in-Gristol's-body, and recognises him. her line before this is:
"Little Gzesaravich! Have you come to pay for your father's sins?"
my first thought was that Gristol hadn't expected to still be in Truman's body by the time he managed to find Maligula, and this was him trying to placate her and buy some time until he could explain the situation. but watching the cutscene back, that's clearly not what's happening here. Gristol is answering as himself, and his response of throwing himself to his knees before her is, as far as i can tell, genuine.
so what is going on here?
in Fatherland Follies, there's this line in the ride narration that stuck out to me:
"Why didn't the Gzar help Maligula in her time of need? No one knows, but historians agree - it is Gzar Theodore's biggest failure."
other lines mention Gzar Theodore's "mistake", and it's wording Gristol himself echoes in the screencap above. evidently, he believes that his father abandoned Maligula, leaving her to her fate at the hands of the Psychonauts, and it was that mistake that lead to them being driven out of the country - that mistake which he seeks to correct. maybe he even feels like he has a debt to repay to her for his family turning their backs on her all those years ago.
the 'High Priestess' thing, though - that's kinda weird, and threw me for a loop the first time i played the game. it took me until my second playthrough to connect the dots, and remember how the room in the Lady Luctopus - Gristol's room - was full of Delugionist scribblings and symbols.
[Screenshot source. ID: left, the walls of the hidden backroom in Gristol's hotel suite, covered in scrawlings of eyeballs and Maligula's name. Right, the pinboard from the hidden backroom. On its surface are photographs and newspaper clippings connected by pieces of string.]
i mean, look at this stuff! he had a whole conspiracy board and everything!
we learn very little about the Delugionists and their beliefs as a whole during the game, but i think drawing the connection here suggests two important things. one: that Gristol was in deep with this stuff. i don't know how he linked up with them - maybe via old family connections, or just good old-fashioned digging (we know he's skilled at worming his way into peoples' good graces, after all) - but it seems likely that he's begun to internalise their ideas, maybe even warping his own memories of events. and two: the Delugionists themselves are, if you'll pardon the pun, pretty far off the deep end.
like... i understand why PN2 didn't go heavy on the "mass-murderer cult worship" aspect of things, in the end, but man this is such a tantalising glimpse into the wider mythos around Maligula. Gristol is proud and haughty and thinks himself above everyone else; the fact that his first reaction seeing Maligula is to throw himself to the ground at her feet says so much about the way he's come to see her. he's not just trying to bring back Maligula, his childhood bodyguard. he's trying to bring back Maligula, the High Priestess of the deluge, the semi-mythical figure whose supporters believe even death couldn't stop. he doesn't even flinch at the way she confronts him, and maybe it's because he's bought in so completely to this deified figurehead, this idea of Maligula; more a living force of nature than a person. and it all comes back to the same place: an abdication of responsibility, not just to the person who protected him when he was little but to this avatar of floods and destruction. Maligula will make everything better.
i'd write more about my thoughts on the Delugionists but that'd be taking a hard turn into speculation, and this is already kind of long and rambling so i'd better end it here. but what an unexpected and evocative line, right? it's some of the only stuff we have to go off of regarding the Delugionists as a whole, but i think it does such a good job of hinting at the wider story - at teasing another layer to the mythos surrounding Maligula, one whose ripples we see throughout the game but which never quite breaches the surface.
#psychonauts#psychonauts 2#bored waiting at the airport so you get more psychonauts meta from me#the delugionists have been on my mind recently (because i Might Just have an upcoming au lorepost about them and also cults are fun)#so tossing my thoughts up here because people seemed to like the last few times i did this#and also it's my blog and i like to talk :)#related vent i HATE drafting posts in the tumblr editor because if you hit crtl+z to try and undo a formatting change#it deletes like half the post you just typed out#(yes i did it again while i was writing this. yes i'm still salty. why do i even bother)#what else... this is just becoming a disconnected thoughts dump#but if you've seen my posts you knew what you were signing up for when you hit the button to expand the post tags#there's new art coming hopefully this weekend if i can get it finished! it's more mermaid au designs#i'm two and a half weeks late for mermay but it turns out starting a new job and moving house doesn't leave you with a ton of free time#but that's okay it's never too late for mermaids#omg and artfight's coming up next month too! geez#i gotta make refsheets for the fsau trio because i would LOVE to get art of them#and this year i don't have a thesis to crunch on so i might actually have time to participate#oh and then in august i'm having top surgery! will make a proper announcement post for it at some point#i say 'announcement'. it's just a life update but it's nice to share#i'm super excited about it :)#i might end up blogging the process and recovery but obviously it won't be going here lol. i'd put it on my main#idk if anyone would find it useful but when i first started looking into surgery i had like very little idea about the whole process#and it's only through joining a bunch of online support/discussion groups that i managed to find more info and resources#so hey it might be useful to share? we'll see#our flight doesn't land for another fifty minutes so now i'm just writing in the tags because i'm bored#alright i'll proofread this and then post it when i land and have signal again. peace out yall hope your pride month is going well
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#poll#random poll bc im bored and curious of ppls opinions bc in my mind these all sound incredibly similar in genre/vibe#i know all of these bc ive been watching so many music show broadcasts lately 🫠 bc tHERES SO MANY DAMN COMEBACKS#lmk if theres any others u think i should check out 🤩
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they hate me for my swagger
#its nice to look in the mirror and feel good =w=bb#somehow so good that you try pixelart fr for the first time and arent completely embarrassed by it#SHITT why do i never do eyebrows T-T i ALWAYS forget them mannn#its just not a part of the face i recognize as important.... despite them being very much so imo#too late now i dont wanna change itt#sillyposting#my work#waughh this is making me think i really need to get onto eyebrow piercingss#big part of feel-goods today was my jewlery and.... i need moree......#do you think if i ask for them for xmas my parents will let me??#actually wait who am i kidding “will they let me”. they dont have much choice. im wondering if theyll PAY for itt =3=#besides the basic earlobe my whole 4 other piercings were done with little of their knowledge#god i can not imagine how tf 17 y/o me had the BALLS to get facial piercings knowing my parents didnt approve#actually i can. that was not the worst thing i had to plague my mind during that time =3=p#ououoouuu i used pixelart.com again and im kinda glad i couldnt figure out how to create my own colours....#its good for my progress to be forced to stick with an (admittedly pretty large) colour pallet.......#even if it means my hair and my face kinda blend together.....#actually thats fine ive been thinking my head is wayy too red next to my hair irl soo =3=bb#yayy#floating head bc i couldnt be bothered.#actually i really need to start doing SOMETHING in the background i cant keep getting away with boring nothingness T-T#ughhh you mean i have to try??? do something new???? ewww
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long time no see (again)
i have a weird cold thing and mind funk stuff due to seasonal changes and also my body hurts
my students have their school festival on saturday so i'm super looking forward to it and it's keeping me energized for the week
happy WEDNESDAY
#i work at two elementary schools and the one doing the festival is closing down next year#theres about 30 students total but anyone who doesnt graduate will be integrated into my other school#im looking forward to it but all of my students said it's boring. um LOL#also 6th grade is killing me right now#how are all of them so lazy... and i have them at least thrice a week.....#i love them as people but as students they wear me out#im worried about them in jhs (where i will continue to teach them....)#so that's been on my mind as of late... cant think abt anything else. frown#text
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new year another dude enamoured by me himself but bothering me about it
#my friend i will help you pick out a mirror#and then you just talk at it#like we all do it there is no shame in it#i just dont see why you should drag me in it#i should probably stop listening to people out of curiosity of how everyone's mind works but it would be so boring#sure it comes at a cost of people thinking they are interested in me while not asking me anything about myself#but i have been pretty good at seeing the signs early and not ignoring them lately#so i think my curiosity can continue at the cost of slight discomfort at pathetic call backs for my attention#this is unrelated to my friendships tho but some people just don't want to go down that sacred path or down the strangers/neighbours lane#which i hold great respect to#but this whole wooow you left me on delivered at 2am as i cant sleep and we are 20 and i literally just yknow went to sleep way before that#and we also just dont talk like that#like we talked late one time bc we were both studying for our term in this case#but those texts are so old same archetype different people#now i can laugh abt it tho cuz i finally see it trough a healthy perspective of why would you be pissed at a friend going to bed#and not feeling like i am being mean to a kid#0 notes to me
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#personal#bless my supervisor really#after lunch i'm half dead bored as shit trying not to fall asleep in my desk and she's like hey you and White Guy™ should work on this thing#i am soooo bad at playing it cool truly. the rumors are true i stopped aging after 19#but hey we spent 30 minutes at my desk and i did all my daily quota of looking#god. he's just. i just love hearing him talk. id rank his voice in the top ten things about him#i was just SPOILED today#he gets there early everyday so wheneve i come in he's preparing his breakfast in the kitchen. singing to himself and stuff#he literally had me sighing out loud as i walked to my bus stop#this is sabotage really because ive been on the cute girl grind as of late#last friday she was wearing this shirt with holes in the shoulders and the amount of skin i could see.....#i understand how the victorians felt basically#she's such a girlfailure...... and god she's so pretty#couldn't stop staring at the shape of her waist in the dress she wore today#she's so easy to talk to too. and perceptive and very thoughtful#okay i think that's enough#i hope you guys know that i'm holding myself back from rambling about every daily thing like this is middle school#i got it real bad#if you are on my mind all night and day blame it on mu youth..........
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Uhh. I’m bisexual
#like I’m just gonna call it#I’ve been going back and forth for so long#I’m allowed to change my mind back to gay but it has Not been fitting lately#5 months into shots and my sexuality is indeed doing weird shit#I still generally have a preference for men but I’ve been feeling kind of bored of them lately and more interested in exploring the feelings#that I have towards women#I think I just have strong Types with both genders and I see more examples of my guy typed out in the wild than I do girl types#but I’m learning that they’re very much There#there’s also some overlap and gender FUCKERY has been THE most 👀❤️ thing for me lately#if you are big and tall and hairy idgaf what else you have going on
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#ive been having a tough time lately#tonight is particularly bad cause the minute i stop feeding distractions to my brain i start feeling anxious and sad#which means I'm fucking up my sleep schedule and thats not gonna help#but i dont want to sleep because thwt mrans work in the morning and lately work has been a special shade of shit#no crunch or harassment but a special third thing#called im so bored out of my mind I want to scream and every minute lasts an jour#plus the guilt i feel because im not being productive in the way i want to be#its like reverse gaslighting where my coworkers tell me im doing good and being helpful#and my brain is like#okay but these tasks are stupid bullshit i had to drag myself to do in three times what i could have taken if i gave a fucj#and you being happy about my performance makes me lose any respect i have for you or this place hahahahahahahaha#tbd
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A MIMIR MUCHACHOS a mimir...
#luly talks#im always eepy until its bedtime.then im like heeheehoohoo what if i never slept again? 🤪#but I've been very bored lately like everything is either too much or too little#I've been struggling to find inner peace NWHSNSHABS#okay i think I'll set my goal tomorrow to make some art. some silly comics. at least let em be SKETCHY who carss#no one cares i just want to put sumthin out there... and i will ! ! !#bc i have some funny ideas its true its true i do#ina repetition mood if y'all dont seem to mind i am quite tired snd i love that stuff sooo much#feel like columbo going on a semi related rant but my ex blood fucking HATED when i repeated something a lot literally had#words banned bc it was driving her crazy which i find quite funny and symbolic of the disabled experience honestly#like for me to say the same words constantly was easy and comforting but for him it was EVIL and FUCKED UP#we all are so sifjfbfnf#im so tired okay im going to bed manifest some warm sheets and a kinder matress and all sorts of lovely things for me pls heaaart
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okay okay i'll stop reblogging songs, you all have a good day ☀️🖤
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This 6 year old kid I babysat for when I was like 18 once had a really bad nightmare and he didn’t want to be alone but he wasn’t allowed downstairs at night. All I did was sit on the landing and talk to him about his favourite topics and you know what kids really do have a lot to say and they also listen.
I hadn’t had much interaction with his age group for years but by treating him like a person we had the best conversation, he told me all about the shapes he was learning about in maths because it was his favourite subject he then listened to me tell him about Pythagoras Theorem, not how to use it or anything but what it could do. It fascinated him and he listened to me. I was in the middle of writing an essay on Buddhism when I went to talk to him and he listened and asked questions.
He asked me about school because that’s what he knew and when I told him I was going to be studying philosophy he kept asking me more and more about it to the point I was explaining Socrates to this kid. They are so much more intelligent than people will give them credit for.
We also talked about squirrels and dogs and superheroes because he’s six but honestly in those two hours of trying to help this scared kid I had a better conversation than I’ve had with most adults because we were actually listening to each other.
And the next time I went to babysit his mum thanked me because he had told her all about our conversation, your interaction with kids leaves an impact.
me, helping a little girl pick out a locket at the shop: do you usually like to wear goldtone or silvertone?
little girl: I like silver because of Artemis, the goddess of the moon and the hunt and also she’s a warrior and she never got married.
me, internally: never let the world change you
#i remember this one time when I was like 10 and we were in a Greek airport with a delay on our flight#and this was like just pre iPads and all that#the family that had been staying at the same resort as us were sat opposite us but their kids were a lot older like late teens#the dad was doing something stupid whilst eating some sort of sweet or something to make his son laugh#this kid was clearly mildly embarrassed by his antics but for some reason this had me in hysterics#and it felt like I was the only one watching them and they saw me laughing in this busy airport#so the dad played it up#started being even more silly to keep me laughing as I was bored out of my mind#and eventually his son started laughing too and it was just the three of us sat across from each other in airport seats#but we shared a moment and it mattered and I still think about it#I guess the point I’m trying to make is that children will remember your kindness#even when you think you’re not making a difference they will remember it
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2 more hours until comfy time
#idk if I wanna go to sleep but I wanna be comfy. in my bed. 8PM save me....save me 8PM....#I have come to the conclusion that despite my eccentricities...I am really really boring#i was at my relatives house the other day late and before I went home I mentioned it was past my bedtime and they where like.#'at your age I was out partying until 5AM aha!' and like yeah okay I already knew I'm not built for that#but even my friends like. go out most days. even if it's just on a walk somewhere. and then they come home and stay up and do things#I've been doing more productive tasks lately (barely productive but it's not sitting at my puter playing video games) but like.#I'm still mostly sitting at my computer until 8PM and then I sometimes have dinner and then I go to bed#sometimes there's nothing here I want aha...or I'm too tired to make it#I think. I haven't had longer-time real life actual friend interaction in a bit. and it's making me feel unusual and not real again#I'm boring because I've been with just myself too long aha....#we have confirmed meet-ups for September at least hehe#sorry. this could've been it's own post. but it's been on my mind in conjunction to. sleepying so early right now#Android.txt
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shitlock holmes
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