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theoptimisticpatriot · 2 years ago

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Iraq - what I thought 20 years ago

There has been much analysis of both the war and its long-term impact. It prompted me to look back (for the first time in many years) at my own resignation speech. With apologies for the self indulgence, I have posted it here.

Much stands the test of time, I think: ‘It will turn many parts of the world against us, undermine friendly Governments, fuel terrorism and those who will join it in the future, and make it more difficult to sustain international action against common problems.’

These days I would not be so casual about the importance of international law. I was too kind to Tony Blair - we now know he had given a blank cheque of support to George Bush - and unfair on France. Given what happened, my support for intervention in Afghanistan looks misplaced although if it had not been for Iraq, perhaps there might have been more success?

I am surprised how fully the UK architects of this disaster have now been rehabilitated within British politics, and within the Labour Party. We do not need to hold personal animosity to realise that those whose judgement was so flawed on this issue might well not be right on others.

At the end I said our troops would not fail us. It is now clear how badly we failed so many veterans in the years that followed.

My final reflection is that British support for the conflict could not have happened without the breakdown of proper systems of good governance. We look at the conduct of the current government and its disregard for proper democratic procedure with horror, but we need to recognise that such behaviour has deep roots.

18th March 2003: ‘With regret, I resigned from the Government this morning. It has been an honour and a privilege to serve the Government and the Prime Minister since 1997. Although some have at times questioned the Government's direction, I say with all honesty that not a day has passed when I have felt that I could not make some difference on the very issues that brought me into the Labour party 27 years ago. I shall certainly miss being part of the Government.

The events of 9/11 must have brought home to us all the fact that we have created a world of great danger and great insecurity. That action must be taken, that we must tackle the sources and causes of insecurity, is not in doubt. But it is not simply a question of whether we take action; how we take action is also important. The reason for that is simple. If we act in the wrong way, we will create more of the problems that we aim to tackle. For every cause of insecurity with which we try to deal, we shall create a new one.

I am not a pacifist. I am not against armed intervention. In 1992, I was one of the Labour Members of Parliament who called for much earlier intervention in Bosnia. I shall never forget the surprised and bemused expression on John Smith's face when some 20 newly elected Labour Members of Parliament went to see him to demand Labour support for a foreign war. I believe that we should have supported it, and that, had we done so, Balkan history might be different. I supported our action in Kosovo, Sierra Leone and Afghanistan. After 9/11, however, it should have been clear that the scale and nature of the threats to global security required the world community to come together on an unprecedented scale, not only to defeat terrorism, but to tackle the conflicts that give rise to it and other threats.

For a time, not least thanks to our Prime Minister, such coming together seemed possible. Today, the prospect is severely damaged, if not in disarray. That has happened not simply or primarily because of one country across the channel, unprincipled and disastrously unilateral in its way though France has been. It has happened because those who wish to take action now, and in the way in which we are considering, have failed to persuade others and thus create international consensus on the need to do so.

The question for me has never been one of narrow legality. I was in the Home Office long enough to know that lawyers are the last thing one needs when things are difficult. It is a question not of one or two votes either way in the Security Council, but of whether we can put our hands on our hearts and say that the majority of those who should support us do so. I do not believe that they do. I do not blame the Prime Minister for that. No one could have worked harder to forge consensus. His achievements are real, not least in persuading the US Administration to take the United Nations route. However, our Prime Minister has been ill served by those whom he sought to influence. The US Administration appear at times to delight in stressing their disdain for international opinion and in asserting their right to determine not only the target but the means and the timetable, their gratuitous actions apparently designed to make a common voice impossible, not least here in Europe.

That has made the international coming together that we need impossible to achieve. In future, people will ask how one nation could have thrown away the world's sympathy in such a way. Does anyone doubt that a nation of such power, influence and, in many ways, such genuine authority could have built the support that we needed if it believed that necessary? I am not indulging in anti-Americanism, but simply recognising that unilateralism on such a scale, no matter how legitimate the target, brings danger.The action against Iraq is, I believe, pre-emptive, and therefore demands even greater international support and consensus than other sorts of intervention. We do not have it. Such isolation entails a genuine cost and danger. It undermines the legitimacy that we must maintain to tackle the many threats to global security. It fuels the movements that are antipathetic to our values and way of life, and the view, which is probably the reality, that in an interdependent world, one nation reserves the right to determine which of the world's problems should be tackled, when, where and in what way.

The right hon. Member for Richmond, Yorks (Mr. Hague) set out a powerful case for support for a United States that acts in the manner I described. If I believed that that would work, I could swallow my qualms and sign up for that with the right hon. Gentleman. But I do not. I believe that the reaction to such a method of working will be as dangerous as the problems that we are trying to solve. It will turn many parts of the world against us, undermine friendly Governments, fuel terrorism and those who will join it in the future, and make it more difficult to sustain international action against common problems.If the motion were on the honesty, integrity, commitment and sheer courage of our Prime Minister, I would not hesitate to support it. However, we are voting not for that but for the words on the Order Paper and the consequences that will follow in the weeks, months and years ahead. I cannot support it.

My final point is a difficult one. I, too, have constituents who are in our armed forces in the Gulf, and their families at home. The failures of Governments and of the international community are not their failings. Although I clearly do not believe that we should commit our troops to action now, they should not feel that they are on the wrong side, that the enemy they face is not evil or that the world would not be a better place without Saddam Hussein. If the vote of the House commits our troops to fight, we must stand with them. We may have failed them; I doubt whether they will fail us.

John Denham

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theonceandfutureking6481 · 3 years ago

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BBC's Merlin Season 1 Episode 5: Lancelot Analysis

It's Lancelot's first episode which is tremendously exciting. I remember the first time I watched this show (last year- I really make it sound like it was much longer than it is), I wasn't particularly attached to him but on my second rewatch I loved him, I loved his and Merlin's friendship and I loved his sheer nobility and decency. Lancelot is of course typically one of the most central characters in telling's of the Arthurian legend, so of course his appearance is exciting. Also excitingly an episode where I talk about someone other than Arthur! Yeah, if you can't tell Arthur's my favourite character. I'm not sure how clear my point is throughout all of this, its hard to articulate but I hope I've done it justice.

"Sir Lancelot, the bravest and the most noble of them all"

This is a quote from much later in the show but it explains something very fundamental about Lancelot's character. Lancelot is supposed to be the chivalric ideal, in most versions of the story he is portrayed as such, as the only knight who really comes close to fulfilling it. Lancelot's fault that puts the dent in him being the true epitome of the noble chivalric knight is his love for Guinevere, and its actually his son Galahad (who doesn't exist in Merlin) who achieves this ideal. However, the point remains that Lancelot is almost there, his character is typically about a person who almost achieves this ideal of chivalry, and they run with this in Merlin, out of all the knights he is the most knightly, the most committed, the one most devoted to its ideals.

Lancelot talks like our idea of a knight, its kind of hard to explain but the way he talks is straight out of chivalric romances, out of films about knights. You notice it because everyone in this show talks in quite a contemporary way, its an Arthurian legend for people of today and the characters talk like it, but Lancelot just doesn't, he talks like a knight from a fairytale. It's just a small detail, but it really plays into the perception of Lancelot as the epitome of chivalric honour.

I'd argue that he represents a knighthood Arthur believes in, before he even realises it himself, a kind of honour that's about devotion to one another and helping others and fighting injustice. Arthur and Lancelot do get on extremely well, despite the fact that Lancelot, in Arthur's own words, doesn't sound or look like a knight. His passionate defense of him to his father, as well as the fact that Arthur releases him from prison without his father's approval is because Arthur respects him and admires him and probably because he sees him as a friend. King Arthur's court is often the ideal representation of chivalry, stories like these about chivalrous knights were very important to aristocratic culture in medieval times, and Arthur's court was at the center of it. The thing is that there is a code of honour and chivalry before Arthur in Merlin, the knights of Camelot already exist, and they are often honourable. But Arthur's task will be to reset the idea of chivalry and honour on new grounds, in new ways and Lancelot in many ways exemplifies this ideal

There is a huge emphasis in Lancelot's character in serving with honour:

"It's not my freedom I seek. I only wish to serve with honour."-Lancelot

"He laid down his life for me. He served with honour."- Arthur

"He meant no harm I am sure of it... he only wished to serve."- Arthur

I'm not exactly sure how to define honour, its kind of an abstract concept but I do know what it means, its acting with integrity and respect and honesty. It's a concept central to the Chivalric code, that knights should behave with honour, so its inclusion here further cements the idea of Lancelot's character as representing the ideal of chivalric knighthood. Also the concept of servanthood comes up again, Merlin emphasises (through Merlin most of all) the honour in being a servant, you don't need to be great or noble or a great leader, the world needs people who are willing to serve and that is just as noble as leading.

Chivalry as a concept is inherently bound up in the concept of nobility. The etymology itself is from the French word for knight/horseman, of which only nobles could be. However, one of the points of Merlin through many of its characters is upsetting this class divide so prevalent in Arthurian stories, not just in also including the stories of those who aren't noble but in setting up a code of honour that applies to everybody. Lancelot epitomises this, he is the knight who most represents the ideal of chivalry to Arthur, he's also not a nobleman. Just like making Gwen and Merlin servants, making the most noble knight not a noble sets up this shift, highlighting the capability of everyone to the kind of goodness and nobility that Camelot's ideal will represent. Because fundamentally what's the point of an ideal if it only applies to some people, ideals should inspire everyone to be better, they should make everyone's lives better not just a small subset of people.

As Gwen says that in Arthur's knights "we need ordinary people like you and me."

Arthur and Uther

Importantly Arthur realises the injustice of laws in his father's kingdom and you see the contrast between him and Uther.

"The code bends for no man."

"Then the code is wrong."

Uther is stubborn, we know that, he's unwilling to admit the fault in his rules, in his ideas even when the evidence is right in front of him and that is a fundamental fault, you can see it in his treatment of those who use magic. Arthur by contrast is someone whose views haven't been set, partly because he is still young, but also because he is a better person than Uther in the ways that matter. He's not going to purposefully blind himself to the truth. For Uther he is also one with a worldview of absolutes, all magic users are bad, laws are laws there is no room for argument or nuance, and I'm sure Uther would see accepting argument or nuance as a weakness.

It is also important that in recognising that the code should bend, Arthur recognises the essential flaw in Uther's construction of society and chivalry. The idea that knights should all be noble, Uther literally says that it is the fact that all knights are noble that binds them together, and this is emphasised by the fact that Uther created the first code of Camelot (also the fact that its the first code- makes this seemingly small law much more important). This is a premise Arthur does not agree with it, this episode proves what it really means to be a knight in Lancelot, its a willingness to do your duty and act with honour and self-sacrifice. It is not confined to class, and thus plays into merlin's wider subversion of chivalry as only being for knights, its a code of honour and behaviour that all people can aspire to, and the ability to live and die for noble causes should not be the sole preserve of knights. The Arthurian ideal is so premised on nobility, for the rest of the kingdom, yes they have a just king and presumably they are protected and safe but they are kept from the dignity of being allowed to be noble, being allowed to be considered a part of the nobility and goodness of the Arthurian ideal. It's significant that the first figure to represent this isn't noble.

Other Stuff

"I owe Lancelot my life and I am paying for that in the only way I can."- Merlin--> This is the worldview of knights and debts of honour in its own way as well

Gwen and Lancelot are just awww, like so sweet

"Merlin would do anything for anyone."- Gwen--> True and I love that about Merlin, even as he becomes more jaded as the seasons go on this doesn't change that much—>he's wonderfully decent

"You're the only thing I care about in this world."- Gaius to Merlin--> That was just sweet and kind of sad He's encouraging Merlin to put himself in danger and Merlin reacts with anger because its like does anyone care what happens to him—> but the point is Merlin can help Arthur and no one else can so he has to do it because its his job and its his job because he's the only one who can do it--> Duty is doing what you have to do, doing the right thing even when you don't want to

"It's my duty knight or not."---> Similar to Merlin—> Lancelot believes in being a knight so whether or not he actually is one he has a duty to act like one—> he is a swordsman he is skilled and (theoretically- if they weren't creatures of magic) could defeat a Griffin so he has to do it—> because he can and its his duty to his worldview And Gwen's response- "You really believe that don't you. I don't think I've ever met anyone like you."

"You've already proven that to us"- Arthur "But I must prove it to myself."- Lancelot--> Isn't there just something very noble in that- In the desire to prove your ability to yourself above all others- to hold yourself to a high standard not just to expect things to come Will parallel Arthur in later seasons as he tries to prove his right to be king to himself--> It's funny the scene when Arthur pulls the sword in the stone (much later) is the moment when he proves his right to be king in every version of the story- but usually its proof to others- In Merlin it was trying to prove to himself

"Till next time then, Sir Lancelot."- Merlin- wonderful way to end the episode on an acknowledgement of Lancelot's role in the wider story- he is a legendary figure

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seewetter · 1 year ago

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That’s why I avoid terms like gender identity like the plague.

It is good we have laws to protect trans rights and I’m happy that there was language to create a new protected class of people. I am aware that those laws protect on the basis of a person’s gender identity. They use that expression.

But trans is not a gender identity. Neither is cis.

The real reason I wanted reblog OPs post though, is because like OP points out, trans people “are”.

And I wanted to write a little bit about how trans people just “are”.

Trans people just “are”:

First, I will just mention science articles: twin studies and brain studies that show genetic factors influencing the likelihood of people being trans and brain differences. Or I could mention the longstanding historical record. Or the medical community’s united opinion.

But all of that is best left to people with a scientific know-how.

Wherever you are in society, people will try to box you in and tell you which bathroom, which changing room and which friend group is appropriate for you.

When you decide to choose the bathroom, changing room or friend group for yourself, that is already non-conforming behaviour. This doesn’t make non-conforming people trans, they just hang out with people they want to hang out with.

How do we know there “are” trans people?

The gym teacher says “boys go to the left corner of the gym, girls gather on the right”.

The teacher’s may be using correct biological criteria. The teacher may even be right about each individual student’s biology.

But the pointed finger is not part of the students’ biology. They don’t have to go to that corner of the room like homing pigeons. And the corner of the room is not their natural habitat. And the other students gathered there are not, in fact, part of some sort of swarm being. You are not an organ of womanhood or manhood. You are a person and can make free choices. You can in fact, join either of these groups or both or neither.

And rejecting your teacher’s pointed finger doesn’t make you trans or cis, it just makes you free.

If Billy Eliot wants to be a boy in the girl group, that’s Billy’s freedom. He’s still a boy.

But if there was a student who rejects the teacher’s (possibly biologically accurate) sorting of students and not only wants to join the group they are not supposed to but doesn’t want to be the odd one out in that group, just wants to be a part of that group the student chose. Then that student likely uses wordings that are common in the transgender community “I don’t see why I can’t be one of the boys”.

There is no “denying of biology” happening there, just a pure expression of freedom.

The political right will of course argue the merits of this choice. They‘ll argue this freedom shouldn’t exist or is a problem or whatever.

But I think we should remind them...

Why “are” people trans?

Not quite the same as the previous question.

One answer is of course the usual song and dance about twin studies, brain studies, a united medical establishment and historical data, as mentioned above. But again, I can’t judge any of that.

And I don’t think there’s a good answer. There is no answer that would be true for every trans person. There is no answer that wouldn’t raise more questions and offer more attack surface for TERFs and conservatives who broadly interpret any definition offered to suit their exterminationist agenda.

Like I wish I could just tell conservatives “your sexism makes kids not tell the difference between being a gender and expressing yourself” but that (A) overgeneralizes trans people (B) doesn’t address the moral panic surrounding trans people now being everywhere and (C) plays right into the hands of TERFs who simply reword such arguments until they sound like they are engaged in intellectual activity.

Most trans people don’t conflate gender with gender expression. Even those that do usually only do so with some things and would usually correct their misconceptions when confronted about it.

Making sweeping statements about “why” people are trans when biology and psychology are so complex that I could not tell you “why” people are neurodivergent or “why” people are lefthanded or autistic is kind of in poor taste.

I mean, maybe we could make the argument work: the more conservatives declare a culture war against transgressions against gender, the more of their children will just end up confusing gender and gender expression and turn trans so they can express themselves? It might be a fun rhetorical strategy, but you can see how irresponsible it could be.

Ultimately, knowing the cause of something doesn’t necessarily means you will show understanding for it. People treat each other well because they actively *want* to treat others well. If we want to be treated well by others we can’t necessarily “talk people into it”.

The term gender identity is serviceable. It works well enough to protect trans rights. But OP has a point: cis people keep treating transness as just symptoms, symptoms of opinions or mental illness. Not symptoms of freedom or freedom itself. Which is what this is really about: whether or not you make use of your freedom to associate with the people you feel kinship toward. And how you articulate your relationship with other people. The word identity is associated with government documents, with the fictional digital identities that people invent for fun and with creating a sense of group cohesion through ideology and propaganda. A detective establishes the identity of a criminal through government documents and people in witness protection get a new identity.

Cis people just get to “be”. They imagine that when the teacher pointed them in a corner of the gym it was a decision based in biology and their free choice had nothing to do with it.

These are people who can’t even understand or articulate their own freedom. How could they defend ours.

The weirdest double standard is trans people can only ever "identify as" and cis people just "are," and the more time goes on and people start realizing this, I hope this will change

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phantomnostalgist · 4 years ago

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Ethan Freeman Phantom interview

An interview with Ethan Freeman from about 1994 or 1995, printed in “Beneath the Mask” #8 (which I haven’t found my print copy of yet, but the interview was reproduced on our old POTO fan site).

Also of note about Ethan: at the time he was one of the two youngest actors to have played the Phantom - he and Anthony Warlow were both 28 or 29 when first cast in the role.

Are there any differences between London and Vienna - if so, what are they? The general tone of the production in Vienna was slightly more Operetta-like, probably due to the language, the sound of the translation and style of acting of some of the players. The tempo was also at some points quite different depending on who was conducting, and would undoubtedly feel strange to me now. The audience tended to be less tuned in to the humorous moments in the show in general, and some scenes like "Managers I & II" for example, simply run better and are more clever in English.

How did you get the role? I got the role of the Phantom after auditioning for Hal Prince and Gillian Lynne and the Viennese producer and musical staff. They appeared very excited about the audition. I'd sung "Music of the Night" which they praised in a friendly manner (Hal is always positive and encouraging), and they sent me off to learn the segment from the Final Lair "Order your fine horses... This is the choice. This is the point of no return!" When I came back the next day to do it (the Phantom candidates appeared by then to have been reduced to three) Hal said "OK Ethan I want you to scare me!" So I did the section with as much power and venom as I could muster (Id never seen the show - I think Id heard the record once or twice...) and after it was done, Hal just said "Great. You scared me!" and that was that really. Later that day they explained to Alexander Goebel and me what they would like and would we be willing to share, obviously with Alex, who was very well known, being the dominant of the two. So we split 5/2 which frequently ended up being 4/3 as the run went along.

How did you research the character? I read the novel finally, all the way through. Ruth Hale, my partner in "Cats" at the time, later to premiere as Mme Giry in the Hamburg production, gave me a copy as a present. I'd seen several of the films over the years so I knew there wasn't much to be mined from those - although Lon Chaney Snr did display some magnificent body language, and I've nicked at least one dramatic gesture from him. Principally though, I had several long meetings with Hal in New York to talk about the role and show. He instructed me to go watch Michael a few times then come back and talk some more. Crawford was magnificent, at the peak of his vocal power and still fairly fresh in the role and I was moved and impressed as I have not been since by a Phantom. (Though Dave Willetts, I must say, also made a huge impression the first time I saw him, for his power and well-delineated psychotic behaviour.) At first I thought boy, you've got your work cut out for you on all fronts. So, I would say my "research" of the role was principally based on my own discussions with Hal and also largely on my own thoughts and feelings. Obviously most of the physical manifestations of the role, make-up, costume, blocking, etc were predetermined so there wasn't much scope for change. To be honest, I feel some of the Phantoms I've seen tend, in an effort to be different, to stray from the basic line of the drama and weaken themselves as a result. Michael's acting was extreme, yet very clear and economical at the same time, and I also try to offer the audience a complicated and ambiguous character going through clear, unambiguous moments of his life - otherwise it's so easy for the audience not to "get" everything that's there - or to "get" things that aren't intended to be there at all.

How do you feel on stage? So varied in thought and feeling that I can't really give a concise answer. I feel quite differently now to how I felt 600 odd shows ago. I used to have to concentrate on staying concentrated - now it just happens. I know what to achieve and just try to let it happen. I'd say I'm both in and out of Erik at the same time and he in me.

Do you think it's based on a true story ie. did the Phantom exist? I doubt it - I haven't read this newer novel "Phantom" yet and don't intend to until I finish playing the part. However I've been to the Palais Garnier and in all senses of the word it is a 'phantastic' theatre, one which easily conjures up many stirring images - beautifully represented in the Phantom designs, I'd say!

What do you think of Erik? I wish he'd let me have a little more time to myself! Oh, I don't know. He's a sad, bitter, brilliant man. He has a great brain and can be a real bastard. I find him easy to understand - he's motivated by a terrible profound loneliness and has been forced to create his own universe which has its own laws. Anyone who has known some kind of loneliness or feeling of apartness when they were children or growing up can tune in to this crucial aspect of the Man, which is his great mythical attraction. He is so powerful, awesome, in control and yet so hurt and vulnerable. He must epitomise great beauty and great ugliness at war with each other, reason and insanity, God/Satan, Id/Ego battling it out. In the end, he learns about sacrifice, shows mercy and is redeemed by love - a great, archetypal Romantic drama - another reason why the story has always been so popular. I can't stand it when I see Erik played as a "nutter". Yes, he goes "crazy" a few times, but in general he is not insane in the pathological sense. I feel if he is played as a schizophrenic or a psychopath, the romantic ideal of the story is dashed, because both of those conditions would indicate a "determination" that makes any hope of redemption impossible, and would break with the "Romantic" style. He is very melancholy, angry, egocentric, neurotic perhaps, and goes off into rages of frustrated sexuality, but he is not insane. And I'll kill anyone who thinks otherwise!

What do you think happens to him at the end? That's our little secret! I think the different fan magazines have probably spent pages on that so I don't see I need to contribute. He goes!

Why do you think the show is so appealing? Some lovely songs, great orchestrations, a nice mixture of melodrama and light comedy, some stunning sets and a lot of good theatrical magic: and on the thematic side, many of the things I've mentioned before, which I suppose you could define as the archetypal Beauty and the Beast scenario which, if honestly portrayed, can tug the heartstrings of even the most urbane Japanese businessman.

What is your favourite role of those you've played? Obviously Phantom is the supreme role in my repertoire to date. I did however, really enjoy my stints in other Lloyd Webber shows as well. Che in "Evita" was very cool to play and Gus/Growltiger, while exceedingly 'uncool' thanks to the heavy knitted costumes, was a joy to play, despite being totally knackering, and one that I was surely born to do. I really enjoyed doing Hajj, the Poet in "Kismet" with the BBC Radio 2 last year, working with the composers, and would love to have the chance to do that again on stage someday.

What role would you like to play? I'd quite hope to have a go at Sweeney Todd somewhere down the line and would still like to play the Celebrant in "Bernstein's Mass" at some point. (I've nearly done that a couple of times.) Add to that a heap of great operatic roles I'd love to do but probably never will and whatever new, unknown roles lie lurking up ahead. We'll wait and see!

End note from me - Ethan’s wrong about schizophrenia, but hey, this interview was 25 years ago and actors can’t be expected to be experts on mental illness. But I really love this interview, the depth he goes into, and how his sense of humour comes through too.

#the phantom of the opera #phantom of the opera #ethan freeman #classic phantoms #poto #poto legends #phantom legends

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butyouvealwaysbeenthecaretaker · 4 years ago

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There's something I'm trying to put into words,

about the discomfort of straight women who are very into slash and yaoi. It's been bothering me in a quiet way for a while, and then over the weekend it exploded, and I'm trying to pick my way through pain constructively.

There's a couple of things.

~*~

Point zero is that desire is good, actually, and so is fantasy. Keep this in mind, we'll come back to it.

~*~

The first thing is shame. People who are choosing to approach their own desire from the side, not willing to recognise their own bodies or vocalise their desire in their own voice, or think about sex in which their bodies participate. People who are too afraid to work on their own liberation, so take yours.

After all, feminist sexual writing is a whole genre and tradition. The only reason why queer men's liberation feels appealing to these women is that they have nothing at stake in it: it's fantasy, it's safe, it's nothing to do with or about them.

For actual queer men, the process of liberationary sex writing is - of course - mortifying; or there is a stage of mortification and pain one experiences in approaching it. It is not, and never will be, your safe space; that's why you're trying to transform it into one.

~*~

The second thing is privacy. I'd wake up and log on and there would be a full-flown gigglefest about sex in slash, and not being able to quite put my finger on how to say - this is making me feel bad and weird. And in retrospect, this picks up on point 1. Whose bodies are we sexualising in this space. I want to go back and start a conversation about how I prefer girl-on-top and how people who read missionary fic are gross, and hey when you read Barbie/Ken fic, do you see them mostly doing it doggy style?

Because I think that would make-it-real, for these women to feel their own bodies are at stake and being scrutinised in the conversation.

Making my morning coffee, I wonder what kinds of sexual relationships these women have, and if they know that "gay missionary" isn't this abstract concept that appears in fanfiction but a kind of sex they have all the right anatomy to experience for themselves. I suspect they would not like that, and that also the purpose of these conversations is specifically so that nobody envisages them having sex, or being sexual beings.

~*~

The third is experience.

A. thinks that it's a problem that teenagers watch gay porn. (A. wrote her dissertation on gay porn.) A has never had her rights removed on the basis that the world must be made "safe for children".

B thinks there's too much gross stuff in fanfic and it should be banned. B has never experienced fanfic archives removing LGBT material under the aegis of child-protection and removing what is "gross". B has never experienced a reasonable-sounding expansion of anti-kink laws being used in the vaccum where anti-gay laws once stood, the way they disproportionately target queer porn, or are used to harass sex workers, or arrest queer people.

C thinks that anyone who has a gross fantasy, is a hair-trigger away from actually hurting somebody. C is cisgender, and will never be arrested in a bathroom or have her body regarded as inherently a gross sexual fetish. C does not date women, and has never come to learn that a fist may be more easy to take than a kiss, when you are made to feel disgusting for desiring love. C is also asexual - the shame associated with having a sexual expression of any kind is not on her radar. C does not experience gender dysphoria, and had to wrestle with the downright odd things you brain does to manage a libido and an incoherent body all at once. C has never dated someone who survived the peak of AIDS, and has formed intimate connections between blood and sex and death, forged by decades of homophobic media and law. C. cannot tolerate the concept of erotic horror because she has never been made to experience her own body and desires as horrifying.

All these women spend all their free time making stories about imaginary gay and crossdressing men, talking about drag race, and sylvester.

This is not dissonant to them. As we have said, these women see queer man culture as a a place of safety - an escape from patriarchy and their own discomfort. They are unable to comprehend queer expression as a thing that is not safe.

They are very certain that they can tell the difference between a sexual expression that is gross and nongross; and hurting the gross is therefore OK, because punishing perverts will never be co-opted in their soft-focus world of tender coffeshop AUs and gentle longing and having the right kind of gay sex that is photogenic for women to consume.

~*~ A corollary: these things are not for you. What if we defined queer media - one of many possible definitions - as a thing that excludes. Their defining quality is a conversation between queer artist and queer listener, drawn from the conversations the artist had with their friends and lovers, or conversations with the world which anyone within the wall will find familiar.

I am suddenly, humbling-ly and viscerally aware of where the *don’t like white people who like ballroom culture* people are coming from

~*~

The fourth thing is that broader conversation about women with privilege (whiteness, class, straightness), being unable to consider that their behaviour could ever be dangerous or destructive.

Their own narrative of sexual victimhood and shame is central in their own hearts, and they are incapable of adopting an intersectional perspective which adds nuance to their experiences.

~*~

And the fifth is how much they hate you when you try and bring actual queer politics into their fragile world.

Simultaneously asking, on the one hand - could we make this space safe for work again, so it feels a little less like it does now? and being howled at, as if that's an outrageous restriction on their right to talk about pornography.

And on the other, if we are to be a porn conversation place, can we try and rethink the judgemental "anyone who likes weird sex is a threat" attitudes that come up over, and over, and over again.

Needless to say, the needle for "this man is a sexual predator" fired in under 30 seconds and, shortly after demanding I leave the community I established, nobody has spoken to me since.

~*~

There's a particular soreness, I think, of being around people who want to casually chat about drag and feel like Born This Way is theirs and want to PM you about their dissertation on gay porn studios of the 1970s and stan the Marquis de Sade

but cannot take the reality of being around queer people or their lives.

An ugliness, a grossness, a grossness that compounds the passively "being treated like a sexual object" into an active bar on having sexual subjectivity. A be seen but not heard of the bedroom: be seen, a Bowie-chiselled Velour-glamoured Cowley-sparkling Velvet Goldmine vision;

but not heard, as in, don't ever cross that line into talking about real sex in our fantasies (even when our fantasies are your real sex), and don't ever make us consider that our words have weight.

I'm spending time in a little world with women who like Interview with a Vampire, the Company of Wolves, David Lynch and the Marquis de fucking Sade, and who are so fragile around their own fears of desire that they cannot tolerate someone saying - it's fine to be into stuff, and not be ashamed.

This odd middle space, where on the one hand I am comfortable in spaces which are sexually silent - where the horror and challenge of my body and life never come up; and on the other, I am comfortable in spaces which are radically sexually open, in which no-one need feel afraid or judged.

These women, on the other hand, want something else: this desire to talk about sex billowing out of them, irrepressably, but also to use that freedom to box other sexualities down tight - to judge, to shame, to define themselves coyly by describing others as disgusting, to feel that urge spilling into view only to publically run away from it and demand others do the same.

Erotica, without wanking. Desiring men, without women. Thinking about the sex lives of your toy dolls, but not being into that weird stuff. Fantasies, with no bodies. Male sexuality, with no actual men in it.

~*~

I am the last of three queer people who has left that community; and still, I imagine, the "define our own sexuality in coded ways by judging things we are not as gross, and creating in the gaps around our own bodies and desires a world of gay men who are like I wish to be" conversations are going on; but unobserved by any actual queers who might break the fantasy.

And reader, I liked these people. I'm heartbroken.

#longreads #responses welcome but reblog with care #I have this lovely little note I was sent last week from one of them saying how much they appreciated the work I'd put in to making such a n #nice community #The bedroom politics tag #the feminism tag

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my-fanfic-library · 5 years ago

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Something Different {BBC Dracula x Reader} [6]

Masterlistt

A/N: really quickly I just wanted to thank you all for the love and support on this fic. I’m so overwhelmed with all of the attention it got so far and I can’t tell you all how happy your likes and comments and reblogs have made me. I’ve just had the worst three months of my life and I haven’t been this happy in such a long time, so I just wanted to say thank you all so so so much for giving this dumb fic your time and affection it really means the world and more to me ❤️ I also just wanted to say that I’m not being ignorant or rude with not replying to people in the comments, this is a side blog of mine and thus tumblr won’t let me comment on this account - only as my main. Please know all of your comments have left huge smiles on my face time and time again and everyone who has requested to be on the taglist is on there. There’s a few accounts that won’t let me tag, so I am sorry to those individuals, I have tried my hardest to rectify the issue and I’ll continue to do so until it works.

Enough of my blabbering, let’s continue with your’s and Dracula’s journey❤️

~^*^~

You looked past Dracula’s face for a second, eyes locking with Zoe’s as she frowned. Her back was pressed against the wall, standing close to a man armed with a gun and the usual (stake and cross). Again, you found yourself in the glass box, sitting at the large desk with the vampire sitting opposite you. Today, he had been granted one wine glass of blood, which was sitting beside him. A gentleman and a wine glass went hand in hand, and you didn’t really mind the fluid that filled the glass.

“Must we proceed with such formalities?” Dracula sighed.

“Yes, Drac.” You rolled your eyes, focusing back on him.

“And why is that?”

“Because this is my job.” You crossed your legs as you sat, trying to get comfortable under the heat of his gaze, “now, today we’re going to talk.”

“As opposed to the sumo wrestling we did last time?”

“Funny.” You sneered, rolling your eyes, “I just want to know a little about you.”

“Ask me anything, darling, I’ll spill all my secrets to you.” He tenderly took the glass between his fingers and took a sip. He gasped, like he had been deprived of air and he was finally getting oxygen back into his system.

“I want to know, specifically, about blood. The last time we spoke here, we talked about the Demeter, remember?”

“How could I forget? It was in those moments you captivated me, [First].”

“Enough flirting, I’m trying to earn a living here.” You scolded.

“My bad, go on.” He licked his lips, deciding he wanted to create a little eye contact with you. His mind wandered back a week, to the second night he was ever allowed entrance to your humble abode. It was the most interesting affair.

~^*^~

You sat curled up on the sofa, as you did most evenings, watching the usual soaps when your door knocked. Instead of getting up to answer, you allowed it to open itself and a low “only me” rumbled to your ears. When your living room door opened, you peered over to see the familiar face of your vampire acquaintance. He took no time in strolling in and settling down into the plushness of your La Z Boy. Clearly he favoured that seat above all others in your home.

About ten minutes passed as he allowed you to watch the end of your soap, and when the credits began to roll, you stretched out on the sofa. Dracula eyed you, much to your obliviousness, and then spoke up.

“I’m glad to see you got my message. Thank you for trusting me.”

“Yes, I was meaning to ask about that. When did you get a phone?”

“Oh, it was a gift from my lawyer.” He told you nonchalantly.

“Your lawyer?” You cocked your eyebrow at him.

“Yes, I helped start the law firm back before I even met Jonny, you see, so he told me he feels indebted to me. Bought me the phone to help me settle in and adjust to the new world.” He explained.

“Right. Well, should we go for a quick walk?”

“A walk-...” he cut himself off, “seems good...” his attention on you had all but disappeared as he watched the next show begin to start. A food show, showcasing all sorts of delicacies, “gracious, and to think back when I was a mere mortal all we had was over-boiled starches...”

“Yes, culinary has come far, hasn’t it?”

“Is that chocolate?” He ignored your question, “but it’s so expensive!”

“Actually, it’s extremely cheap now. Besides, why are you of all people worried about the fate of chocolate? You don’t even eat it.”

“Humans are always so greedy for the delicacies of life. I suppose such things as pineapples are common as well.”

“We can literally grow them here now.”

“Let’s walk.” He chirped, clearly irked at how society had decided to treat such magnificent things.

“Honeslty, though,” you spoke, “I’d kill for some melted chocolate and strawberries.” You threw the words over your shoulder as you walked to the door.

A soft “oh” came from your lips when you swung open your front door to find a heavy drizzle greeting you. You felt Dracula’s hand slide over your back and then the sound of material as he opened up your umbrella. He stepped out, nicely sheltered with nylon. He held his hand out for you to join him. Not thinking twice, you took his hand and found yourself pleasantly surprised when he linked his arm with yours.

You allowed him to lead you where he wanted, first nearing the river before deciding to walk parallel to it. Walking in silence, you listened to the gurgle of the river and the sweet birdsong up in the thick canopy of trees. It was nice to know that the birds were enjoying their break from the hot weather.

Dracula took you up the steep hill that lead towards the viaduct, and once at the beginning of the ginormous structure, turned left, away from it and further away from Whitby town. The cindertrack this way was not lit at all and you found yourself relying on sheer instinct and the man beside you. Your heart began to race a little, wondering why on Earth he was leading you down this dark path.

Below your feet was an odd mixture. The firmness and sharpness of small rocks and pebbles, and the sinking feeling of the drowned cindertrack that clung to the underside of your shoes. On more than one occasion, you found yourself slipping and had to cling on to the vampire for dear life.

How ironic.

A good chunk way down the track, where a holiday park was a little in front of you and positioned to the left of the track, Dracula stopped and turned to face you, keeping the umbrella perched high above you to prevent you from getting wet. Now your heart really began to run.

“No need to panic, I just want to talk.” He explained gently.

“What is it? Why did it have to be here of all places?” You grumbled.

“I’ve brought you here because it occurred to me that your neighbours liked to listen in. To save you any trouble, I thought we’d talk here where no one would hear. Well, I’ve brought you close to where there’s other humans, so that if you needed to scream, they’d hear and come running.” He spoke in a tone of seriousness, but once finished, broke out into a toothy and boyish grin

“You’re not funny. It’s dark and wet. What did you want to talk about?” You folded your arms.

“Your proposal last night. Your life, for someone else’s? Will you gift me with the information of this so called meal you wish to bestow on me as a token of your gratitude?”

You froze. In your delirium, you had promised Dracula another’s life for your own. Although you genuinely hated that person from the bottom of your heart, could you ever send such a cruel doom to them? How could you live the rest of your life knowing that you, and solely you, had caused their death? All over some teenage heartbreak? Their behaviour had lead to your drastic move, your enrolment in such a dangerous occupation, your distrust of anyone and everyone. Did that justify you sending a vampire to feast on them?

Then again, if you didn’t deliver, what would Dracula do to you? You would have lied to him and he had already spared you once before with a warning. Do not cross him again. Did you dare to defy him? Did you dare to retract your proposal? Even if you sent him to that person, there was never a guarantee that he’d let you be. He could always strike out. Were you willing to risk that?

“Yes... there’s somebody down south, in London to be exact. I... I think she’d suit your tastes very well...”

“I hope you’re not just sending me as a revenge plot [First]. I would hate to have completely misread you.” He continued to grin.

“Not... entirely...”

“Not entirely? You bad girl. And I thought you were afraid of me? Now you’re using me as a weapon? How cold of you, [First]... How very...” he grinned at you, a wretched grin that seemed to highlight the exact type of evil he was. It may have stayed on his face for a second, if that, but it was enough, “delightful.”

“Don’t get too excited, toothy. I don’t know exactly where she is.”

“Give me her name, darling. I will be able to find her. Hopefully she can live up to your promise.”

“You’ll really go?” You asked, genuinely surprised at his willingness.

“You trusted me with entrance to your home, as well as being utterly alone with you. I’d like to return the favour and believe your words, as well.”

“I see... well before I tell you, you must promise to come to the Foundation a week today. I promised Dr. Van Helsing I’d continue my study on you.”

“You have my word.” He bowed his head a little in sincerity.

“In that case, the person in London you’re looking for is Lucy Westenra.”

~^*^~

Dracula eyed you as you glared at him. Had he done something wrong? It took all but six seconds for him to realise just how badly he had zoned out. He wondered how long you had been speaking, how much of your words he had missed thinking about that evening.

“You didn’t hear a word of what I said, did you?” You inquired, tone laced with annoyance.

“Now, that’s not true, I heard that sentence.” He smirked with a familiar boyish charm.

“I asked you about blood. You told me that when you drink a person’s blood, you build your skills. Care to elaborate for me?”

“Of course. You see, I believe you call it DNA nowadays, but when it is consumed, due to my... superhuman abilities, I am able to absorb in sorts, the very DNA. I can acquire desirable attributes all by drinking blood.”

“And that’s why you chose your victims carefully aboard the Demeter?”

“Indeed. My goodness, you are a smart little lady once you get that brain working, aren’t you?” He leaned forwards, gaze boring into your eyes. He liked the way they sparkled with life, glistened with mortality. He wondered what you saw in his eyes.

“You’re the one telling me, I’m just piecing together things that I already know with the new information you’re giving me.” You shrugged.

You continued to talk to Dracula, writing down important notes on him as he spoke to you. His voice carried easily and as you were already too aware, was very pleasing to the ear. For a long time, you bantered back and forth as he gave you answers to the questions that you needed. He seemed very at ease with you. Every now and then, one of you would glance over at Zoe, who kept a strange look of discontent on her face.

You looked over at Zoe once more, who tapped her wrist to signal that your time was up. You alerted Dracula of this, and also informed him that he would need to stay in the Foundation until sundown.

“I do have one last question for you, though,” you whispered. Zoe did not need to hear this, “where have you been for the past week? Did you find... it.”

“Indeed I did.” He smirked.

His phone vibrated in his pocket, but you ignored it and stalked out of the cell, leaving him alone. Zoe informed you as you left that she wished to speak with Dracula, and you were free to go. When you left that room, you collided into another familiar person.

Jack.

“Sorry, [First], I saw you coming but I guess I couldn’t stop in time.” He flushed a little.

“That’s alright.”

“Were you just in there with Count Dracula?” He inquired lowly. It was as if he was worried about the vampire hearing his words.

“I was getting information. Why?”

“Well... Dr. Van Helsing and myself... we’re a little worried about how close you’re getting to him...”

“Jack, it’s my job.” You glared lightly at him.

“I know that, but-“

“But nothing. If he wanted to kill me, rest assured I’d already be undead by now.”

“[First]-“ he began with an annoyed sigh, however you pushed past him and stalked away.

You decided not to go home, and instead found yourself sitting on a lonesome bench overlooking the harbour. Your eyes continued to wander towards the sight of the Abbey stood proudly on top of the cliffs. It was a very attractive town, Whitby. You could see why Dracula would want to become acquainted with it. It was picturesque and oozed with an old-fashioned aura only a small seaside town such as this could ever wish to. It was perfect in every way.

Sitting looking at the sight, you couldn’t help but think about Dracula’s visit to London. You wondered if he would return after today. He seemed to have forgotten you a little. He would occasionally send you a text (something that still made you laugh with the ridiculousness of it) but for the most part, he seemed very much preoccupied with London.

Had he already taken her life?

Had he really found her or was he bluffing to save face?

That night at around 11pm, when Dracula had still not come to visit you, you let your curiosity get the better of you. You only wished to know if she was still living. Maybe he hadn’t found her after all, and had travelled south again to continue searching for her. After all, London was a very big city.

Facebook was the obvious choice as you typed in her name. It came up straight away with the amount of mutual friends you shared. Her face was still as beautiful and youthful. Still as deceiving as her outward personality. She had begun to see an American boy, you noted, maybe a month or two ago, however, his own account seemed to be missing from her page. You knew why. Even if some men did know she was taken, they’d still happily bed her. You supposed she just liked the secrecy of this permanent man in her life. You scrolled down a little, looking through shared games and memories when one post struck you as odd.

‘Lucy Westenra is feeling... naughty 😈

[not usually into older guys, but.... ;)]’

So he had found her... and the fact that he had kept her alive made something odd stir in your stomach.

Two months passed without hearing a word from Dracula. You had begun work with Zoe and Jack - a secret project looking into the undead with the information Dracula had given you, along with ancient accounts found from the nunery Sister Agatha had been a part of. Although no undeads had been reported for a few decades, it was still worth a look into given the complexity of Dracula and the possibility of more dangerous creatures like him lurking out there.

Zoe was more than a little concerned at his disappearance. You chose to neglect to tell her that you had sent him to London to murder an old friend. She didn’t need to know that. And neither did Jack, considering his crush on Lucy had seemingly tripled in the time you had not spoken. You had to question his choices, in all honesty, considering how kind-hearted and tender Jack was and how... well, promiscuous and without inhibition Lucy was. They could not be more mismatched and you wondered if Jack knew this at all.

It wasn’t that you were jealous of his feelings towards her. It was more that you were disappointed. You would never confess that to him, though.

Whilst Dracula was gone, you were able to live your life somewhat normally again. You occasionally found yourself wondering over where he could be but other than that, your life returned to normal. You could sleep in peace, knowing that he was hours away from harming you. It was a nice break from the whirlwind friendship you had formed with him. Was it a friendship? Did you have any right to call him a friend? The thought made you feel ridiculous. What kind of person befriends a vampire?

You honeslty had no clue, but the way things had turned out, it seemed you hadn’t befriended him at all. He had disappeared. It made you a little disappointed - the realisation that he maybe wouldn’t come back. But it was most likely more unhealthy to loiter around a vampire than it was to not.

~^taglist^~

@vampiregirl1797 7 @avalanet @bunnyreese12 @nerdonpluto @teamceleries @grifffins @hitbythunder @winterseoul @mymagicsuitcase @angeli-fucking-cat cat @benedictethegoddess @bloodhon3yx @nifflersravenclaw @writteninthestars288 @labelladrama @frankcastlesgrunts @angelicdestieldemon @quakerlasss @aliisa-jones @wolverinexmenn @clairedragonessbaker

#sorry this took so long #uni got a little in the way #and then tumblr decided to delete half the chapter #dracula #bbc dracula #netflix dracula #dracula x reader #bbc dracula x reader #netflix dracula x reader #claes bang #dolly wells

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wisdomrays · 3 years ago

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TAFAKKUR: Part 385

SOCIOBIOLOGY

In all biological systems, the organism of the future is encoded in the macro molecular structure of DNA (Deoxyribonucleic Acid). It is this molecular architecture, present in every cell, that determines all the characteristics of an organism.

Genetics is commonly taken to refer to a part of biology that concerns itself with the study of the transmission of hereditary characters. This fascinating science would have remained quite benign if this was all that it was. However, recombinant DNA technology with all the power it offers for biological control has changed all that. By making it possible to manipulate the reproductive potential of an organism, modern genetics has the power to alter the course of development of living organisms. Life can be changed, for good or ill; it can be enhanced or retarded or mutilated. Moreover, whatever molecular genetics can do to the biological world can in principle, be done to human beings. Molecular genetics poses a grave threat to our notions of human life, its intent and its meanings.

In his book Responsible Science (1986), Robert Nelson wrote:

The challenge of molecular biology to traditional humanistic and religious concepts of human life needs to be taken very seriously. Not only the nature of life, but its purpose and worth are called into question by the rapidly growing knowledge of DNA and cellular development. If the human organism can ostensibly be reduced to an assortment of proteins and amino acids, hardly distinguishable at molecular levels from those of other organisms, where is the distinctiveness of human life to he found? And if found, how explained?

Biology, especially in the form of using genetics and evolution to explain social phenomena, has become a reductionist exercise. Reductionism means trying to explain the properties of complex wholes-molecules, say or societies-in terms of the units of which those wholes are composed. Scientists who are reductionists would argue, for example that the properties of a protein molecule could be uniquely determined and predicted in terms of the properties of the electrons, protons, etc., of which it atoms are composed. In a similar way, they could (and some do) argue that the properties of a human society are no more than the sum of the behaviours and tendencies of the individual humans of which that society is composed.

Genetics and evolution, as indicated above, have been used to explain social phenomena. This is the area of science called sociobiology. It is a discipline that passes moral judgement on many social issues because it presents biology as the human fate, an inescapable reality of nature. Since it is natural, the implication is that it is immutable.

Sociobiologists equate the social with the biological and maintain that differences of class, race, colour, gender and even economic status originate in individual biology. This type of thinking could lead to dangerous conclusions of a sort most of us would regard as immoral and unethical. It can lead, for instance, to the belief that some races are born ‘inferior’ to others; that women are inferior’ to men; IQ (Intelligence Quotient) is genetically determined; that social inequalities (wealth and poverty) are biological in origin. The big problem with this is that political leaders could use such arguments to assert that the current social order must prevail because it is the law of nature.

Sociobiology reached its peak when some biologists claimed to have discovered absolute evidence for genetic determinants of human behaviour. In his popular book The Selfish Gene (1976), Richard Dawkins wrote:

We, and all other animals, are machines created by our genes. Like successful Chicago gangsters, our genes have survived, in some cases for millions of years, in a highly competitive world. This entitles us to expect certain qualities in our genes. I shall argue that a predominant quality to be expected in a successful gene is ruthless selfishness... Much as we might wish to believe otherwise, universal love and the welfare of the species as a whole are concepts which simply do not make evolutionary sense ... If you wish ... to build a society in which individuals cooperate generously towards a common good; you can expect little help from biological nature.

The selfish gene thus operates to enhance its own selfish interests. The theory is based on the belief that genetic differences lead to behavioural differences, and that organisms are hosts to genes rather than the other way round. This provides the basis, as sociobiologists themselves claim, for the systematic study of the biological basis of all forms of social behavior, including sexual and parental behaviour, in all, kinds of organisms, including humans.

More and more human attributes are being subjected to a biological explanation. The Islamic view of human nature, however, does not consider biology as an inevitability. Human morality is the most important determinant, encompassing the spiritual dimension beautifully: The most honoured among you in the sight of God is the most righteous among you. And God has full knowledge and is well acquainted [with all things]. (Hujurat, 49.13)

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padfootagain · 5 years ago

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Quid Pro Quo

Okay, @yana-versio came up to me with this adorable idea of the reader not knowing how to react to Obi-Wan's sass and humour and thus creating a quid pro quo that she doesn't like him and that he doesn't like her, when in reality, they are both melting for each other like a pair of sweet morons.

Of course, I couldn't resist, you can easily imagine. I can never resist cuteness.

So here we go for some adorable idiots trope, just like I love it!

Hope you all like it :)

Gif not mine

Word count (oops, it's quite long) : 5848

You were eloquent. It was a talent of yours, and it was recognized by all of your colleagues in the Senate. You had a way with words and your speeches often made a difference amongst your fellow Senators. You knew how to reply to your opponents. You knew how to convince people. You knew the best way to express an argument. You were used to use this skill of yours before hundreds of people.

And yet… you lost all these tricks of yours as soon as this Jedi entered the room.

You were just so… confused about him. His humorous remarks were teasing most of the time, and although you guessed he was merely joking, a little voice in your head kept on repeating that he was making fun of you in an almost mean way… and you didn't know how to deal with it all.

Perhaps it was the way you felt when he was near you that made you even more nervous. Of course, of all the men in the galaxy, you heart had to settle for one you could never have, and who didn't even seem to like you as a friend.

How pathetic was that…

You heaved a sigh, resting your chin in the palm of your hand as you stared at the flying ships passing before the windows. On the opposite side of the long wooden table, Padmé was talking to you about something dealing with a new law that would be debated the next day, but you couldn't find a way to listen to her. Your mind had drifted towards this Jedi who had been protecting you for three months now. You were quite aware of the fact that he was in the building. On which floor? You didn't know. But he was wherever you went. He had been one of your shadows for the past few months. You wondered why the Jedi Council had decided to appoint such a skilful warrior to your protection though. After all, Master Kenobi's reputation was established. And yet, there he was, protecting you…

… and making fun of you.

On the other side of the window, the twilight grew more and more powerful through the sky, turning the blue heavens into a sea of gold. The light was blinding as it reflected onto the glass of the buildings and speeders. It was a lovely evening burning on Coruscant.

You jumped as you were hit on the cheek by a ball of paper. And as you turned to Padmé, she was laughing at you.

"You didn't listen to anything I've just said, did you?" she asked with a teasing tone. "I wonder what can keep your mind so busy… or who…"

"Padmé! I'm sorry, I was just… distracted. I'm tired," you replied in a serious tone, but your friend was not fooled.

"Who were you thinking about?"

"That's not what you think."

"Was it Jared?"

"Jared? Of course not," you replied with a wince.

Jared… another Senator who seemed to have more interests in you than in politics. To your great despair… He was too vain and superficial to your liking.

"But you seemed worried," Padmé went on in a softer tone. "What is it? You know you can tell me anything. I won't tell anyone."

You heaved a sigh, sitting straighter again. Perhaps you could ask her what she thought. After all, she had known Obi-Wan for years, maybe she could tell you if your fears were realities.

Because judging by the way he laughed at you, you wondered more and more if the reason behind his remarks was that he didn't like you. Or worse… hated you…

Hate might have been a strong word. Could Jedi even hate someone? You reckoned not. And you had never hurt him in any way, so why would he hate you? No, it wasn't hatred that you feared, it was just dislike. Dislike was already a terrible possibility to you.

"It's… it's about… Master Kenobi," you finally let out with hesitation lingering in your voice. "I don't know what to think of him."

"What do you mean?"

"He's just… I don't know how to react when he's around. I… I think he makes fun of me. I think he doesn't like me very much."

"Why would you think such a thing?" Padmé asked, taken aback. "Of course, he doesn't dislike you."

"He's always having these clever remarks, and I don't know… how to react to them."

"It's just how he is, but he's not being mean. Just… try to outwit him."

"I can't! Whenever he opens his mouth, my brain goes blank!"

Padmé raised a mischievous eyebrow.

"Does it, now?"

"Not like that!" you mumbled under your breath, feeling heat burning your cheeks.

You heaved a sigh, standing up as you took a look at the time.

"I should get back to my apartment. Good night, Padmé. And I'm counting on you… don't tell anyone…"

"Of course. Good night, Y/N. But don't be worried about his behaviour. It's just the way he is, he likes you."

You ignored her last remark and strode to the exit instead, but you hesitated before the door of Padmé's apartment. You knew Obi-Wan was waiting for you in the corridor. These days more than ever, there wasn't a moment that you spent completely on your own. He was like a shadow, following your every steps.

And indeed, there he was, standing in the hallway, his long brown cloak wrapped around his frame. He was watching the city bubbling with life outside, and if he didn't turn to you when you walked out of Padmé's home, you knew he had felt your presence all the same. The burning light of the evening shone through his dark blond locks that fell a little before his eyes, and were caught on his beard like droplets of golden light. He wore a peaceful expression, but you recognized the slight frown of worry that crossed his brow anyway. You had learnt to recognize this feature of his. You wondered what brought such worry to his usually peaceful mind. You wished you could have made this worry disappear.

"Are we going back to your apartment, Senator?" he asked without taking his eyes off of the city.

"Yes, please," you nodded.

Your voice was shushed, a mere whisper, and the sound made his frown even more pronounced as he finally turned his full attention to you.

Or well… actually, he had already set his entire attention on you before you walked through that door. He was always focused on you these days. The threats on your life were too serious for him to loosen his careful watch. And also… well, you kept on haunting his thoughts for another unspeakable reason that he wished he could make disappear. Stars, had he tried to stop himself from falling, but there was nothing to do against gravity. You were a sun and he was meant to get caught in your halo. There was nothing to do against it. You were such a kind, strong, brave woman and he couldn't help falling for you.

Now, as he turned his gaze to your face, he was merely letting you know that you had his full attention, when in reality, he had felt every of your movement since you had entered Padmé's flat. He tried to convince himself that it was merely a way for him to keep you safe, to watch over you. But he knew better, in the end. He was just worried about you whenever he couldn't keep an eye on you because of the way he felt for you. And he felt so guilty about it…

"Is everything alright, Senator?" he asked with a puzzled tone.

"I am… exhausted. That's all."

He slowly nodded.

"Politics are most tiring, indeed," he gave you a small smile as you walked with him down the corridor.

"More than one might imagine," you agreed.

"I heard that there had been some intense debate today," Obi-Wan went on.

"You were there," you laughed. "Haven't you noticed?"

"I was there to protect you, not to listen to every politician's arguments."

He paused for a moment, but couldn't stop the words to pass his lips as he thought them.

"I did hear about you and Senator Laffon having quite an argument, though."

"With Jared?" you frowned. "It was hardly an argument."

"A discussion, then."

"Well, yes… we did have a discussion."

He bit the inside of his cheek. Obi-Wan didn't want to say the words he knew were about to form on his tongue. He couldn’t hold them back though, and even if he knew he would regret them as soon as they would pass his lips, he spoke them anyway.

"Well… I'm sure the discussion was professional."

You stared at him, stopping in your tracks at the sound of his cold tone. There was so much more hidden behind this intonation. Thoughts he didn't need to speak out loud for you to understand, and one thing was for sure, you didn't like his insinuations.

"It was indeed," you replied with a frozen voice.

You didn't notice the way Obi-Wan was clenching his fists. His face wore an unreadable expression. He was a master at keeping a straight face when pain rushed over him. But you couldn't have guessed that. You couldn't have guessed that your tone was piercing his heart. Even he had not foreseen that you would have such an effect on him.

But instead of showing you how he felt, he opened the door of the building for you and let you step outside and walk towards your speeder, all the while making sure that you were both still wrapped in silence.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

"I don't understand her."

Obi-Wan heaved a sigh as he sat down next to his best friend and former padawan. Anakin was repairing R2, who had been slightly damaged during their last mission. Nothing serious, but the droid made a weird noise every time he used the telescopic arm hidden behind his steel body.

In the hangar, at this hour of the night, there was no one around but a few droids and the two Jedi. Obi-Wan was worried, but Anakin only replied to this state of his by letting out a laugh.

"And I thought you were the smooth one. The Negociator, huh?"

"This has nothing to do with me, but with Senator Y/L/N."

"Does it not?"

"I don't understand her, that is all. She is… so cold sometimes."

"And you have nothing to do with this behaviour of hers, of course."

"Well, I don't think so. Why would I? I mean… tonight it might be my fault. My remark might was… inappropriate."

Anakin raised an amused eyebrow, and Obi-Wan answered with a glare.

"Don't get any of your twisted ideas," he replied. "I mean… it was a little too direct. And not as humorous as it should have been."

"About what? Was it about Laffon?"

"How…? Never mind," Obi-Wan sighed. "It was."

Anakin hesitated to be blunt with Obi-Wan, but he chose not to. He didn't think the Master was ready to face the fact that he was jealous…

"Some say that they are pretty close," Anakin went on, studying Obi-Wan's reactions.

He didn't fail to notice how the Jedi was clenching his jaw and fists for just a short moment, before relaxing again.

"I heard so. But I don't know why… I have a bad feeling about him."

"A bad feeling?"

"Well, yes. He doesn't seem trustworthy. I am unsure of his intentions towards Senator Y/L/N."

"We both know what his intentions are. You just don't like these intentions."

"Senator Y/L/N is a grown woman. She is smart and responsible for her actions. She can see whoever she pleases."

Anakin stared at his friend for a moment, silent. He knew the truth, he could read it in his former master's posture. But he chose not to say his thoughts out loud. Obi-Wan would probably shut himself to him if he did. Instead, he chose to give him a piece of advice.

"I think she doesn't know how to react."

"React? To what?"

"You have a tendency to be… almost provocative with your words. And I think she just doesn't know how to react to some of your remarks. I've noticed it, the way she doesn't reply."

"Do you think so?"

"Yes, I think so."

Obi-Wan passed his fingers through his beard, lost in thought.

Was it really the problem then?

-----------------------------------------------------------------

The light of the room was dim, perfect for encouraging sharing secrets of both the mind and heart. Silk and gems mingled with threads of gold and silver shimmered in the weak yellow light. The decorum made of carved wood and gold made the whole ballroom look ancient. But then, it was the theme of the night. A look to the far away past through dresses and furniture. The candlelight made the scenery intimate despite the little crowd that had assembled through the ballroom. At the back of the room, an orchestra was playing a merry tune that called all guests’ feet to dance. But you were not there to dance and party.

The ball gathered most of the Senators, and both you and Padmé would go fishing for votes tonight. Your expensive dress of a dark blue silk, the shade almost as dark as a young night sky, was only a weapon for you tonight. Both figuratively and literally. Obi-Wan had asked for the tailors to add a piece around your chest made of the hardest metal to ensure your safety tonight. Indeed, in such a crowd, although he was in the room with you, he was worried of being unable to spot a threat on time. In the deep fabric and complex threading, it had been easy to hide a microphone as well. If you learnt some useful information tonight, you would have all the proof you needed. And the impressive piece of clothing was also an easy way to distract some of the Senators while talking, and that meant them leaving a few secrets to slip through.

Padmé was by your side, wrapped in one of her impressive traditional Naboo outfits. Obi-Wan was merely a couple of strides behind you. Wearing his usual brown cloak and beige robes, he was standing out by the simplicity of his clothes in this sea of velvet and silk. He didn’t seem to mind though.

And for now, all was going fine. You had convinced two senators already to give a vote for your side. Obi-Wan had to admit that he was impressed. You were good at this game. You turned their arguments against them, offered them another point of view, talked through your opponent’s hesitation until they could only agree with you.

Why were you so dismissive with him then?

A third senator joined your and Padmé’s cause in a matter of minutes. And the representative from Naboo decided it was the perfect moment to get a moment of relaxation.

"We need to find a drink. And we need to find you a partner to dance," she said with a wicked grin.

"I’m not dancing," you glowered at her.

"Use your charms! It’s now or never to do so! Besides, you love dancing."

"I’m a terrible dancer."

"Of course not! You’re good at it!"

You followed Padmé as she walked through the crowd, slaloming towards the buffet to grab a glass of liquor.

"What about Jared?" she asked with an innocent tone that betrayed her not at all innocent thoughts.

"Oh, please… not him," you moaned.

Behind you, Obi-Wan was doing his best not to listen to your conversation, but he failed miserably.

"Actually, he’s walking towards us," Padmé chimed, but your eyes grew round.

"What?! No, do something…"

"You’ll be fine!"

"I don’t want to talk with him."

"I reckon he doesn’t want to talk either… Oh, here he comes."

"Padmé…"

Before you could protest, you were forced to welcome Jared with a polite smile.

No one understood why you pushed the man away. He was talented, he was rich and he was without a doubt handsome. His charms had wooed many women along the years. But not you. He was too superficial to your liking. Too much mannerism that hid a spirit that sometimes lacked the rightful guidance of a moral compass. He was honey and sweet but too sugary to be good. On the other hand, he was most definitely into you. If you had used his infatuation for you a few times before, you had never given him any hope for a relationship with you. But Jared was not one to easily give up.

"Senator Y/L/N, your dress suits you perfectly, it is almost as beautiful as your features."

You cleared your throat, trying to hide your discomfort.

"Well, thank you."

"You look stunning."

"I’ll talk a little with Senator Organa," Padmé excused herself with a wink in your direction.

But as she turned away, her eyes were not on Jared, but on Obi-Wan.

The Jedi was struggling to stay focused on the crowd around you. He couldn’t help eavesdropping. He tried not to but his attention kept on being pulled by your voice. And knowing that Jared was with you now was not a fact to reassure his worried self. He didn’t trust the man at all.

He didn’t think that he was a traitor to the Republic. Obi-Wan didn’t think that he would ever try to hurt you either. But there was something off about his behaviour.

Was it really about Jared though? Or was it simply about the way he was flirting so blatantly with you?

Jealousy… Obi-Wan hated the very thought of this feeling. And yet, as he clenched his fists at the sound of Jared's laughter, he could hardly deny that his heart was stained with it now.

He was still three steps behind you, trying to set a respectable distance between you and him. But in such a large room so filled with people he couldn’t take the risk to be away. If need be, he had to be able to protect you in the blink of an eye. Even if that meant listening to Jared try to seduce you.

"Y/N, I have a proposition for you."

"A proposition?"

"Come have dinner with me tomorrow night. If you do, you’ll have my vote."

You clenched your jaw and stood a little straighter. You tried hard to keep your voice from shaking, but there was anger in your eyes as you looked up at him.

"I’m afraid politics and pleasure never make a good mixture," you replied in a frozen tone.

"Why not? Y/N, you can’t be unaware of my… feelings for you."

"I am perfectly aware of your intentions. But I don’t share them."

"You have never even given me a chance. How can you know then?"

"I just know. And I am not desperate enough to get votes to accept romantic invitations to get some."

"I was merely joking."

"Were you?"

But he shook his head, letting out a shushed chuckle.

"Can you at least grant me this dance?"

"I don’t dance."

"Now, you’re lying."

"I don’t want to dance."

Something in your eyes betrayed your thoughts. You didn’t know what it was, but Jared suspiciously narrowed his eyes and spoke once more in a breathy voice.

"You want to dance with someone else, though."

You couldn’t stop yourself as you took a step back, your eyes a little wider.

"I see… why I don’t stand a chance, now," Jared went on. "Someone else is already in your heart."

"You don’t know what you’re talking about…"

Jared shook his head again.

"But you would dance with this man, right?"

What was the point in denying it all, Jared had seen right through you.

"I would. But I don't think he ever will ask for me to dance with him."

"Then he is an idiot."

"It's complicated."

"Well then… I merely hope the man knows how lucky he is to have you. I wish you a pleasant evening, and a good vote tomorrow. I would hate my side to lose, after all."

You gave him a sad smile and merely nodded as he walked back through the crowd.

You glimpsed over at Obi-Wan, who wore an unreadable expression.

But he had heard the whole conversation. Behind his peaceful features, his heart was shattering, and the pain was so vivid, his head was spinning. The sounds around him were shushed for a moment, but it only lasted an instant before the music and the brouhaha of conversations were deafening again.

He would have to make an inquiry about this man you loved though. He was surprised you had kept your lover for yourself when Obi-Wan had no involvement in politics whatsoever. He only wanted to keep you safe, the details of your private life were unimportant. He wouldn’t have told anyone if you wanted to keep your relationship secret. But a love interest brought new threats and new individuals he had not identified yet.

For your safety, he would have to learn about this man you loved. And he would have to find a way to make his heart take it all with a silent pain.

----------------------------------------------------------

Obi-Wan was bored to death by the end of the evening. Events surrounded by people were never his cup of tea, and as you finally walked out of the building, he was exhausted. The flight back to your apartment was quiet, Obi-Wan flying the speeder and you sitting in the seat right next to him.

You heaved a tired sigh as you finally walked into your living room, letting your head fall back and face turn to the immaculate ceiling as you finally allowed your shoulders to drop and relax. You didn't pay attention to Obi-Wan as he closed the door behind him. You reckoned you could relax around him. He wasn't a Senator after all.

He was a Jedi. And as he looked at you in the dim light, in your deep blue dress, he felt guilty for the string of thoughts that crossed his mind. He shouldn't have thought about how beautiful you were, how he wanted to hold you…

He noticed how the yellow light of your flat bathed your naked arms and shoulders, and his heart quickened at the sight. Beyond your frame, the lights of the city bathed in the shadows of the late night embraced your silhouette in a way that made your form almost unreal. He couldn't remember seeing such a beautiful sight as your form bathed in this dim yellow light against the distant shimmer of the busy city and the inky sky filled with stars.

He could never act on the way he felt. But stars… did he feel…

"I reckon we both deserve a good night of sleep after such an evening," you sighed.

"You were the one giving punches tonight, not me," Obi-Wan smiled. "Senators are more dangerous than they seem."

"I'm not dangerous!" you replied with a raised eyebrow, turning to him.

"Of course, you are. I wouldn't leave you with a blaster."

You opened your mouth but then closed it again. What were you supposed to answer that? He was joking, clearly but…

You reacted by turning your back to him again and walking through the room to get a drink. You took another glass for Obi-Wan.

He bit his tongue. Anakin might have been right. Perhaps you just felt bad because you didn't know what to answer.

"It was just humour."

You turned to him again.

"I know."

"You… seem uncomfortable sometimes. I don't mean to make you feel this way."

"I just… I'm not good at answering to this kind of remarks."

"Really? Because you were eloquent tonight. Even with Senator Laffon."

"Oh, don't mention him," you winced.

He gave you an amused smile, and accepted the drink you offered him.

"He did sound… stubborn."

"That's a euphemism!"

He drank up the whole glass in one gulp before speaking again.

"We need to talk about this other man though."

"What other man?" you asked with a frown.

"I couldn't help but hear what Senator Laffon said about you… having a relationship with another man."

You opened your mouth to reply, but he spoke again first.

"I will not judge you. I do not care about what he does for a living. And you have my word that I will not tell anyone about your relationship. But you must tell me who it is. For your safety."

"For my safety?" you asked with outrage in your voice.

"Indeed, I need to know everyone who could be in contact with you."

"He is not a threat."

"You will have to let me decide on that point."

"No, I won't."

"Senator…"

"He is not a threat. You can trust me on this. And we are not even together, my feelings are not… reciprocated…"

Your voice started strong and firm but ended by breaking, and the look of pain in your eyes that you were unable to hide pierced Obi-Wan's heart.

"You must tell me."

"No, I must not. There is nothing that will call for your protection."

"It is my mission to assure your safety, and I intend to do so. I have already saved your life three times since I was appointed to your protection, I must know everything!"

"Not this."

You walked to the door and opened it for Obi-Wan to get out. Your heart was beating so fast… You couldn’t let him know. Of course, he didn't feel the same, but then… how would he behave with you if he knew?

"Good night, Obi-Wan."

But instead of walking to the door, he spoke to you with a soft voice this time.

"You have to tell me."

He walked closer to you, until he could take your hands in his calloused ones. You both shivered at the sensation, but were certain that the other had not reacted the same way as you did. He had only touched you once before, to get you out of harm's way after an attempt on your life. You could still feel his soft grip on your arms…

You looked down at your entwined fingers, your pulse racing more and more under his touch.

"Can't you trust me at all?" you asked back in a soft voice. "Nothing is happening between us, I am nothing special to him. There is no threat coming from my feelings for him."

"I'm sorry to hear that," he said, the softness in his voice matching yours.

You slightly frowned, turning your gaze to his again, and he made his meaning plainer before your puzzled expression.

"Loving someone who doesn't share your feelings leads to a painful life."

You raised a surprised eyebrow.

"You sound like you've felt that way yourself… but I thought Jedi were not allowed to fall in love."

"We are not allowed to marry. The feeling of possession is to avoid. Loving only one person is not our way, we should love all beings, and feel compassionate for them all. But no one is perfect."

"Did you act on your feelings then? Did you tell her that you love her?"

He gave you a sad smile, his throat tightening as he thought about the life he could have had with someone he loved as deeply as you. But it wasn't a life meant for him to live.

"What would be the point in that? She loves another. And I am not allowed to be with her anyway. So why would I burden her with my feelings?"

You clenched your jaw and forced a pinched smile to your lips, fighting back tears. You looked away again, unable to keep diving into his blue eyes.

"I have to insist though. You should tell me."

"Don't you trust me at all?" you asked again.

"I do, actually. I do trust you."

You looked up at him. The question had been earnest. You didn't know what he thought of you, you weren't sure at least. He gave you a tender smile.

"I would trust you with my life."

You couldn't stop your lips from parting with shock.

"You would?" you asked with a shaky voice.

"Without a hesitation."

"But you won't trust me with this."

"I won't trust him with this."

"That is almost overprotective."

He opened his mouth to answer but remained silent. Sadness passed through his gaze and he let go of your hands.

Perhaps you were right. Perhaps he was crossing a line. Limits between his heart and mind were blur these days. And maybe now it was his heart that longed so much to learn the identity of his man that you loved, not his sense of duty.

He gave you a nod.

"Perhaps so. I'm… overzealous."

He turned towards the door, still open on his right. And he was about to step outside and drop the whole matter. But he couldn't.

No matter if it was only because of his mission, or because of the way he felt for you, he needed to know who your heart belonged to.

He had no hope for it to be him, but he had to know anyway. Even if it was only to make sure that the man in question deserved you. It would ease his mind to know that you loved a good man.

So he turned to you again, and asked once more the same question, with determination in his eyes.

"Maybe I'm being overzealous, but if it is what it takes to push away all threats, then it is worth it. Who is he?"

"I won't tell you."

"Your secret will be safe with me."

"No, it won't."

"You have my word. I have never broken a promise."

"I know you won't tell anyone."

"Then, how could you think that your secret won't be safe?"

You didn't answer. You searched for the right words, but couldn't find anything to say. One more time, you were staring at him with a thousand thoughts to express, but no way to speak them out loud.

You could read in his eyes that he wouldn't give up. He would not accept 'no' as an answer this time.

Perhaps you should tell him. Perhaps you should stop being so scared and tell him. There was no other way out of this. You could give him another name, lie, but what was the point?

Actually, having him push you away could do you good. It could help you forget about him, stop these feelings in your heart that kept on growing every day.

He took a step closer to you again and crossed his arms before his chest, waiting for your answer. His eyes kept on asking the same question over and over again even if he didn't speak the words.

You looked down at your feet. You couldn't tell him while looking into his eyes. You just couldn't gather the courage to do it.

His voice was soft but firm when he asked out loud the same question one more time.

"Who is it?"

It came out as a mere whisper, in just a breath. And you almost hoped that he hadn't heard you. But he did.

"You."

He didn't even notice it as he stopped breathing. He stared at you, frozen, almost as in a trance.

Your eyes were still fixed on the ground. You realized that your hands were trembling, but no matter how many times you closed and then opened your fists again, the shakiness was still there.

"So, you see… no threat here whatsoever," you nervously chuckled. "Now, can we forget the whole conversation happened?"

But Obi-Wan didn't say anything.

As he rose his fingers towards your face, they were trembling. He held your chin between his thumb and index finger, pulling your chin up in a tender gesture until your gaze met his again.

His lips parted and he was about to speak, but he actually didn't. Not right away. He just stared at you for a moment instead. He could see how nervous you were, almost scared. You expected him to push you away, and both of you would get back to your lives the way they were before your crazy confession… just a word from him, it was all it would take.

But you didn't know that he felt the same then…

He almost told you everything. The way his heart pounded everytime he saw you, the way he kept on thinking about you all the time, the way you walked through his dreams at night…

But he didn't. He could have still said that he loved you, just these three words, but he didn't either.

Instead, remembering your conversation with Jared, he asked you another question.

"Would you like to dance?"

"What?" you asked, taken aback.

His fingers moved from you chin across your jaw, his fingertips barely brushing your skin, making your breath get stuck in your throat. His fingers moved to rest on your cheek, then travelled through your hair so he would cup your face. He stroked your cheek with his thumb for a while in a tender, loving gesture. Through the whole room, there was nothing but silent and your two heavy breaths, and you wouldn't have been surprised to discover that during this brief moment, the whole galaxy had vanished.

And then his hand left your face, and he offered you his open palm instead, his blue eyes still staring into your gaze.

"Would you like to dance?"

Tears formed in your eyes as you read the truth written all over his features. He didn't need to speak all these words, you had guessed them already.

Slowly, you nodded, slipping your hand in his.

"I didn't know Jedi could dance," you smiled, and he let out a chuckle in response, moving across the large room to turn on the music.

But you stopped him after he had taken only a couple of steps, pulling him softly towards you. He slightly frowned, puzzled, but you answered with a smile.

"Who needs music to dance?"

He grinned, the biggest smile you had ever seen on his features, and he slowly nodded.

"Silly me," he breathed.

His arm wrapped itself around your waist, and he pulled you closer, close enough for you to rest your cheek against his, his beard tickling your skin.

Quietly, in a delicate movement, he started to make you sway to a rhythm he invented. And as you both closed your eyes, the entire world disappeared for good this time.

Would the world be back at the end of this dance? Perhaps, it was a risk to take. But for now, none of it mattered. You were in his arms, he loved you and you loved him. The question of being together or not would come with the morning light.

For now, you were dancing, and it was enough.

******************

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goldenkamuyhunting · 4 years ago

Note

What is your opinion on the golden kamui fandom being problematic about the rising sun flag and imperialism?

So, as usual when I get two similar asks, I placed them together, I hope the askers won’t mind it.

To everyone else my apologies, this is not really a GK post, it’s actually a rather boring reply as I’m sure plenty of people know about this sort of things but, since I get those two asks in such a short time, I’ll assume something happened that made some GK fans worry about this topic.

Unluckily my interest in GK is solely focused on what happens in the manga and I hardly follows what the fandom is up to (as sad as it is I simply don’t have the time), so I’ve no idea if something new had happened so my reply will be mostly general and not referred to a specific happening.

So let’s make a premise.

Golden Kamuy is a Seinen manga, meaning it’s a manga those demographic designation is a (male) (Japanese) audiences aged 18 to 40. Adults in shorts.

This is also confirmed by a recent data collection (albeit it shows that GK readership is equally split between males and females).

Why is this relevant?

Because in many countries, by the time you’ve reached major age, you should have learnt that imperialism is, to put it very mildly, a Very Bad Thing, that at best may benefit a small favoured group but never the nation as a whole, that harms other countries, that doesn’t help to reach national security despite claiming to do so, that is often moved by racism, human aggressiveness, greed and other negative emotions and so on.

It has its reasons, of course, and it has been excused for centuries so that people back in the past didn’t truly realize how harmful it was and maybe assumed it was a great thing that would benefit their nation, but we don’t live in the past. We live in the present and we should be aware of why imperialism is something that shouldn’t be supported.

If someone, at adult age, hadn’t learnt this lesson, the problem isn’t GK, not only because an adult isn’t supposed to be so suggestible just reading a manga would bring him to change his own mentality to embrace imperialism, especially considering GK is AGAINST imperialism so, at best, it could have the opposite effect and discourage people from embracing it, the problem is society, which hadn’t taken care to educate those people or has failed to do so.

And this is dangerous because adults in many countries are called to take decisions for their own country and embracing an imperialistic mind setting might bring them to take decisions that will be harmful for themselves, their own country and other countries.

In short this is not a ‘fandom problem’ like a ‘ship war’ could be, this is a problem that can affects society therefore each of us, not just the members of a specific fandom, and it’s something that can’t be solved easily.

The idea some have they can bully them out of a fandom as if this were to be the key to solve the problem is naïve and solves nothing because the key point would be to change their mind setting so they won’t make troubles for society, not have them leave your playground so you can go on happily and ignore them and the harm they can do.

So no, I’m not happy there are imperialists in the world, they make the world a dark and unsafe place, I wish people just wouldn’t embrace that ideology but I’m aware I can’t change an adult’s mentality with the snap of my fingers so the best thing I can do is to work for a society that educates people not being imperialists from young age because this is all I realistically can do, and not reduce the problem to a mere fandom matter. Reducing it to a fandom matter misses the point.

Now, of course, while I said GK readers should be adults, it’s also possible there are minors who decided to read GK and no one stopped them. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, 18 isn’t the border between mental maturity and immaturity, some mature sooner and some mature later. I’m sure there are readers of GK who’re minors yet have reached a good level of maturity… but this isn’t a given, there are some who could have not and it’s okay. Everyone matures at his own speed.

However, if the imperialists people saw are minors, well, they might not yet have completed their education and/or reached the mental maturity to understand GK is against imperialism and assume the opposite, they could also be more prone to be influenced by a wrong reading of the story or they might not have been educated yet against the harm imperialism can do.

This is sad and troublesome but it’s up to the adults who’re in charge of their education to help them grow out of it as they’re supposed to know the best way to do it. We can just hope they’ll grow out of it soon.

Lastly, the so called imperialists might actually be not imperialists at all but people who just spoke as such because they feel they’re in a fictional contest and would never embrace such things in real life.

To make things simpler a Sugimoto fan can say ‘oh, I wish I were a convict so Sugimoto would come to stalk, kill and skin ME’ but that’s just something they say but don’t mean. They don’t really want to be a psychopath murderer hunted by a war veteran and then killed and skinned by him, they’re just trying to express, with a huge exaggeration, their liking for Sugimoto, knowing such thing will never happen.

In the same way someone else can say ‘oh, I wish Tsurumi would conquer the whole world and enslave everyone as I’d love to be his slave’… but they don’t really mean for their country to be invaded and conquered and for them to be reduced to a slave… and maybe wouldn’t even like Tsurumi if they were to meet him in person… but in the safety of a fictional universe he can’t do any harm, kind of like how, in a role-play, you can chose to align as chaotic evil and, while it’s true you might wreck havocs in the game, in real life you might be the most moral and lawful person ever.

Now other fans might misunderstand or not like this way they have to put things, or even find it disturbing, but as long as they don’t truly mean it and a person isn’t imperialist in real life, this won’t create real life harm and this is what really matters.

This about imperialism.

Flag usage is more or less the same.

The rising sun flag is of course shown in the manga, we don’t really see it that often but it’s depicted in it, and that’s because not only GK it’s an historical manga and that flag was in use in the time in which GK takes place (it seems it actually exists from Edo era) but because it also has a specific purpose in the story (Yuusaku’s backstory) and depicting it is clearly not done to promote the use of it.

However if people want to use it they should be aware, especially if they’re adult, that a flag isn’t just a pretty draw someone made on a piece of cloth but it’s a symbol of something, a country, an ideology, a sport team and therefore it’s not something to take lightly. The display of certain flags could be forbidden, a crime in some countries, or the mistreating of some of them could be punished in other countries, or even the flag itself might pass a message that might not sit well with you or might identify you as part of a group with whom you actually have no relations. In the past the burning of a flag could even been seen as a hint that one wanted to go at war with the owner of said flag.

Long story short one shouldn’t be careless with them, especially if he’s an adult who knows he should be responsible for his own actions.

Of course people who use flags carelessly exist.

The Hetalia fandom for example was a prime example of this, using flags for cosplay without any care if they were mistreating them or if the flags were actually not supposed to be used.

They absolutely didn’t mean any harm as they saw them as mere accessories for their cosplay but this actually wasn’t the right stance. A flag stays a flag.

People make mistakes though. Hopefully, after making them they learn their lesson.

Still it was troublesome for sure, but it was not like we were having a new wave of Nazi aiming to conquer the world and commit genocide, just people making a dumb and careless mistake thinking they were merely joking. Not pleasant but not dangerous.

I’ve no idea if fans in GK are falling for the same mistake but it could be.

If they instead are using those flags because they’re imperialists, well, what I’ve said previously about imperialism and how bad it is remains true.

Anyway that’s all and how you can see this is not really a GK post, just a post about the, I fear, rather common knowledge of how adults should act in a responsible way because they can affect the world we live and they will be hold accountable of their own actions… but also about how sometimes people don’t mean ill but act careless and do mistakes that cause others to worry.

It’s hard to judge without a specific case and anyway everyone should judge with his own head, not mine.

So, to those who made the asks, sorry if this wasn’t the answer you were hoping for, but I hope I drove home the point if there are imperialists around is a serious matter, not just a fandom one or something that can be taken lightly, and if instead the ones that had worried you are just people who aren’t imperialists but saying things they don’t really mean or acting in a careless manner… well, I get you were displeased by their behaviour but it might be a case of much ado about nothing.

We won’t get a REAL imperialism resurgence and of this we can be glad.

#Ask

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ibijau · 4 years ago

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Burn it down AU // on AO3

today: everyone loves A-Yuan and would go to war for him

warning: mentions of violence against a child

Married life was odd, and not wholly pleasant. The last time Lan Wangji had shared a living space with someone it had been as a child, with his brother. Then, as they'd grown, they had been granted individual spaces, so they would not disturb each other in their studies. Many years had passed since then, but Lan Xichen and him had been similar enough in temperament and habits that no major problems ever arose back then. Even more recently, with A-Yuan, Lan Wangji had found cohabitation easy enough. His son was a quiet, obedient boy who never created trouble.

Nie Huaisang was not quiet, found it difficult to obey any rules, and did not back off from making trouble. Although he swore there was a method to his madness, to Lan Wangji he just appeared messy.

Part of that was a difference in sect culture: Qinghe Nie relied on servants to free time for higher purposes, whereas Gusu Lan expected its disciples to deal with a number of menial tasks on their own to teach humility. As a consequence, Nie Huaisang did not even know how to fold his clothes.

But some of it was also due merely to the fact that Nie Huaisang was, by nature, messy. He left inkstones and paper sheets everywhere. He dropped his clothes on the floor at night and left them there to crease, then complained about it in the morning.

It was slowly driving Lan Wangji mad.

Worse, it was creating a bad example for A-Yuan, which Lan Wangji could not tolerate. He often found himself snapping at Nie Huaisang, who mostly ignored him, clearly used to such remarks.

Still, as weeks passed, they found a balance. Nie Huaisang became more careful to keep his mess out of spaces that visitors might see or that Lan Wangji used. In return, Lan Wangji forced himself to tolerate whatever went on in the parts of the house they had agreed belonged to Nie Huaisang.

It was not all bad, anyway. Nie Huaisang made excellent tea, and his conversation was not devoid of interest when he bothered to talk about something of value. He appeared to genuinely like A-Yuan and never minded taking time to play with the little boy or to tell him stories. He also understood that sometimes, things were simply too much for Lan Wangji, that the loss of Wei Wuxian, the drift between him and his family, his entire sect even, and the still constant pain in his back, would add up until they were unbearable. When that happened, Nie Huaisang took A-Yuan out of the Jingshi to play with the rabbits or make mud cakes in the rain for a few hours, just so his husband could have a little time to collect himself. Lan Wangji allowed it. To his surprise, he trusted the other man to take care of A-Yuan.

It was harder to trust others, but as time passed, Nie Huaisang became very insistent that A-Yuan needed to be around children his age.

“He’s becoming shyer than the bunnies,” Nie Huaisang pointed out. “It’ll be good for him. If he stays in isolation like this, he’ll just turn out like you, and I’m not going to stand here and watch that happen.”

The way that was said made it seem as if resemblance to Lan Wangji was a fate worse than death.

Lan Wangji thought of his first meeting with Wei Wuxian, of his beloved’s attempts to become friends with him. He had not known how to handle that and had pushed Wei Wuxian away when he’d desperately yearned for his presence, even back then. If he had known better how to be around others, if he hadn’t been so clumsy…

Perhaps Nie Huaisang had a point.

With great reluctance, Lan Wangji agreed that A-Yuan would spend certain days of the week with other children his age as they were taught the basis of cultivation and good behaviour. The little boy was ambivalent at first, but before long he became close to another child and school days became his favourite because he would get to see Lan Jingyi.

A-Yuan spoke of little else but his new friend (and he was speaking more easily now), and Lan Wangji found himself glad that his son would get to experience a brighter childhood than his own. Aside from his brother, he could not remember being close to anyone until Wei Wuxian came to Cloud Recesses and forced his way into his life.

Things, of course, could not stay good.

It took both more and less time than Lan Wangji expected, but it happened anyway and he felt so ill equipped to deal with it.

Two months after starting school, A-Yuan was punished by Lan Qiren.

The punishment was something relatively light, at least by Lan standards and in regard to the crime committed. A-Yuan had been insolent, so he'd received a few swats on the hands with a thin stick. Lan Wangji had rarely committed that particular crime himself, but he had memories of his brother doing it frequently in the weeks after visits to their mother stopped. It had taken a while until Lan Xichen was disciplined back into quiet obedience, but after that he had never spoken out of turn again. Lan Wangji knew this was normal.

He had thought it was normal.

Now though, with A-Yuan crying his lap, his little hands striped red, the normalcy of this situation was harder to grasp.

"I just wanted more," A-Yuan sobbed in his arms. "I didn't mean, I didn't mean!"

That was as much detail as he had gotten out of his son. The senior present when Lan Wangji had retrieved his son had not been present when the punishment happened, and hadn’t known any details.

It must have been a first offence, because A-Yuan was a good boy who learned fast and Lan Wangji had not been informed of any insolent behaviour before. First offences were not usually punished this harshly. Yet Lan Qiren must have wanted to make an example and to show his family did not get preferential treatment.

It was normal.

It was unbearable.

If it had been any other teacher, Lan Wangji would have gone to them and ordered that they never hurt his son again.

But it was Lan Qiren. It had been ingrained in him since infancy that the venerable teacher's decisions were to be respected, that he understood the Lan ways better than anyone, better certainly some rebellious boy in love with the wrong person.

A-Yuan needed to be a Lan, it offered him complete protection against enemies outside their sect.

Lan Wangji only wished he knew how to protect him against enemies within their sect as well.

They were still sitting on the floor, A-Yuan huddled close in his arms, when Nie Huaisang came home. He had gone out painting, as he often did on days where A-Yuan went to school. He looked as cheerful and carefree as always, and Lan Wangji felt anger flash against his husband. If he hadn't insisted that A-Yuan needed to be around other children…

"What's going on here?" Nie Huaisang asked when he noticed the odd scene in front of him, still half smiling as he closed the door. "A-Yuan, did you step on a flower again?"

"He was disciplined," Lan Wangji announced.

Instantly, Nie Huaisang’s smile dropped, his eyes widening at the news.

"Who did it?" he asked, his voice so cold that it shocked A-Yuan out of his tears. Nie Huaisang noticed the child looking at him, and immediately his expression changed back to something more mellow as he came closer. "A-Yuan, can you tell Nie-ge what happened?"

“I asked for more,” the little boy mumbled, raising his hands so Nie Huaisang could see them.

“More what?”

“Rice. I was hungry.”

Lan Wangji’s hold on his son tightened. Even after all this time, even with the guarantee of never missing a meal, A-Yuan still had odd moments when he wouldn’t stop eating as long as he knew there was food to be had. It wasn’t too much of a problem when they were home. Lan Wangji and Nie Huaisang would do their best to calm him and to make sure he didn’t make himself sick. But for such a moment to happen when he was having lunch with the other children, for Lan Qiren to have been there…

He exchanged a look with Nie Huaisang, and saw his anger mirrored. It was already awful to know that A-Yuan had been punished harshly when he was still just learning the ways of Gusu Lan, but for it to be over such a thing…

"A-Yuan, would it be okay to stay with uncle Xichen a little bit?” Nie Huaisang suddenly said. “Not long, I promise it won't be long at all! But your father and I need to go talk to Master Lan about what happened. I’m very surprised that my favourite little boy could have been bad enough to deserve this."

"Brother cannot…" Lan Wangji tried to protest, only to be cut short by Nie Huaisang.

"Nonsense, of course uncle Xichen can. He loves A-Yuan very much, and will be very happy to have him a little. Does A-Yuan want to see his uncle?"

The little boy hesitated, then nodded slowly. Lan Wangji had not often allowed his brother near his son so far, but it had been enough to make an impression.

Lan Xichen, after all, played a flute.

"Then let's go see him right away!” Nie Huaisang cheerfully exclaimed. “You know, if you ask very nicely, I'm sure uncle Xichen will play music for you. Won't that be nice?"

Without waiting for an answer, he bent over to pick the little boy from his father’s arms. Lan Wangji resisted a second, holding A-Yuan closer, before allowing it. The sight of Nie Huaisang’s anger was such a new concept, and he was not sure he wanted A-Yuan to be there to see it explode.

The three of them quickly made their way to the Hanshi. Luckily, Lan Xichen was there at that hour. He made a shocked face when Nie Huaisang pushed A-Yuan into his arms, his eyebrows rising in silent interrogation.

“We need you to keep an eye on A-Yuan for a little bit,” Nie Huaisang chirped. “Please, Xichen-gege, can you do this for us? We’ll try to keep it short, but please?”

Lan Xichen’s eyes opened wide and jumped from his brother to his brother-in-law a few times.

“I suppose I can,” he said with some hesitation. “If… if you need, I do not mind keeping him for the night.There is no need to… rush things.”

“It’s fine, I’m hoping to get this over with as quickly as possible,” Nie Huaisang retorted, which made Lan Xichen frown. “Thank you though. A-Yuan, be good and don’t worry: everything will be fine.”

Lan Xichen looked as if he might ask for details, but eventually seemed to decide he would rather not know. Lan Wangji was not sure how wise it would have been to tell him anyway. His brother would probably have sided with their uncle, and he did not want to end up having an argument in front of A-Yuan.

With his son cared for, Lan Wangji and Nie Huaisang headed for Lan Qiren’s house. At that time of the day they would be disturbing his meditation. Nie Huaisang did not appear to care when his husband informed him of this. After seeing A-Yuan’s heavy tears, Lan Wangji was not sure he cared either about what was convenient for his uncle.

For all of his bravado, Nie Huaisang still visibly flinched when Lan Qiren opened the door and glared at them. Most people who had studied under him could never shake a certain fear of the venerable teacher, Lan Wangji had remarked over the years, and Nie Huaisang difficulties with studying meant he’d dealt with Lan Qiren’s severity more often than most.

“May we come in?” Nie Huaisang asked politely, with the most deferential bow Lan Wangji had ever seen him perform. “There is an urgent matter we would like to discuss.”

It would have been rude for Lan Qiren to refuse, or else he would have. Lan Wangji knew his uncle enough to tell he had guessed the reason for their presence, and already resented that some young people barely out of childhood would dare come to his house and question his decisions.

“I will tell you what I tell every parent who thinks their child was unfairly punished,” Lan Qiren said as they followed him inside, looking only at his nephew. “Young ones always twist situations to make themselves look innocent when retelling what happened, but no punishment is ever given in vain. That boy of yours was insolent, and you should be grateful I decided to be lenient.”

Without even realising, Lan Wangji clenched his fists. He thought of A-Yuan crying as heavily as he did after his worst nightmares, of his hands stripped red from the blows he had received.

Lenient indeed.

“How is it insolent for a child to ask for more food?” Nie Huaisang asked innocently.

Lan Qiren startled slightly, as if he had already forgotten his presence, and glared at him.

“He had had enough, and his tone was unacceptable.”

“He told us he was hungry,” Lan Wangji protested.

“Children cannot be trusted,” his uncle retorted. “They have to be taught not to indulge, and to respect their elders. He was breaking both rules.”

Nie Huaisang nodded at that.

“Of course, of course, children need to be taught to respect rules. I’m not sure beating them up works so well. I know from personal experience, it just teaches them to continue doing it and get better at not being caught. But I find that if you explain to them why…”

"I know more about raising children than you," Lan Qiren cut him, his voice making it clear that he considered the conversation had lasted long enough.

Nie Huaisang trembled slightly at that tone, but after a glance toward Lan Wangji he pinched his lips and appeared to find renewed courage.

"Yes, and what a great job you've done with that," Nie Huaisang noted with a sharp smile. "The eldest is a sect leader who can't make a decision unless you or Jin Guangyao are here to tell him what he ought to think. As for the youngest, you've made him so desperate for attention that he almost ran away with a criminal. I hope you see why I don't want you to have a say in my son's education."

"That child isn't…"

"Marrying his father gives me rights," Nie Huaisang chirped, his voice mellow and sweet in the way poisonous berries might be. "Do you want to check the contract? I looked it over very carefully before signing it, because I know how trustworthy you Lans are. I get a say in the education of any child either of us has, and what I say is this: if you or any teacher ever lays a finger on my son without first consulting with us, I am grabbing both him and his father and returning to Qinghe before the day is over."

The unexpected threat had Lan Qiren’s face turn dark with barely contained anger. For Lan Wangji, the idea of living in Qinghe was hardly any better than having his son hurt, but he carefully kept his expression as neutral as possible. Whatever Nie Huaisang was doing seemed to be having an effect, he would not ruin that.

"The marriage contract also states..." Lan Qiren started.

"It says we would live in Gusu unless forced otherwise by circumstances,” Nie Huaisang cut him. “I promise you I know exactly what to tell my brother to make sure he takes us in without a second hesitation. Politics matter, but my brother will always have other priorities. So think carefully. How badly do you want to beat up that child, and is it really worth angering Chifeng-Zun?"

Lan Qiren glared at him, before turning to Lan Wangji.

“Control your husband.”

“You chose him for me,” Lan Wangji retorted.

“And now I’m telling you to make him behave.”

Lan Wangji took a moment before answering. Not because he was hesitating, but because he knew his uncle would dismiss anything he would say he did not give the illusion of carefully considering the situation.

“I can’t. If he’s upset, he will return to Qinghe and we will have a new enemy.”

His uncle glared at him, then at Nie Huaisang who this time managed not to flinch and even glared right back at Lan Qiren.

“You are going to spoil that child,” Lan Qiren warned. “Considering where he comes from, he needs a firm hand to make sure he doesn’t…”

“We’ll make sure he turns out fine,” Nie Huaisang cut him. “It doesn’t matter where he’s from. A-Yuan is here now, with us, and he’s a good boy who will not be hit again by anyone.”

Nie Huaisang had never asked who A-Yuan’s mother was, nor where the little boy came from. Nobody save Lan Qiren and Lan Xichen knew, and all three of them had agreed the secret needed to be kept. Still Lan Wangji suspected that his husband had guessed the truth. At the very least, he seemed to understand that A-Yuan’s life had been difficult before coming to Cloud Recesses. It was hard to miss when sometimes, the little boy’s nightmares would wake them in the middle of the night.

“Fine. Do it your way,” Lan Qiren conceded with great reluctance. “I’ll give instructions to the teachers, that boy of yours is not to be touched. But in half a year I will assess the situation and if he has been making trouble, he will be brought back to proper discipline.”

Lan Wangji looked at his husband, who stared at him expectantly, as if to say the choice would be his. An easy choice to make. He trusted A-Yuan to be a good child. Even if he wasn’t, they would have won six months during which no one would be using violence on his son. It was the best deal they were going to get.

Lan Wangji felt much lighter when they left his uncle’s house, relieved by a victory he had not expected. The political situation must have been more tense than he had realised if Lan Qiren was willing to compromise rather than to risk angering Nie Mingjue. With the loss of Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji had considered that politics no longer concerned him, but perhaps he would still need to be more attentive than he wanted to be.

For now though, all that mattered was that he would be able to promise his son nobody would hurt him again, and know it would be true for a few months at least.

"I know I'm not his father," Nie Huaisang hesitantly said as they walked away. "I know he's your son, not mine, and I wouldn't pretend otherwise when we're in private! But this… Finally I'm in a position to take a stand and I couldn’t… I don't like seeing children be hurt."

Lan Wangji slowed down for a moment, and looked at his husband. Nie Huaisang appeared worried, as if he thought he had overstepped some boundary. Considering how protective Lan Wangji tended to be over his son, it was not an unfounded fear. But Nie Huaisang had never been anything but surprisingly patient with A-Yuan, and he seemed to sincerely care for the little boy.

He did not mind if Nie Huaisang made claims over his son in public, he decided. He did not mind either if this husband of his truly had a hand in raising Wei Wuxian’s child, either.

“Hm. Thank you for helping.”

Apparently reassured, Nie Huaisang’s smile quickly returned.

“Let’s get him back and have dinner in the Jingshi? I really don’t feel like going to the common halls and seeing your uncle’s face again. Once in a day is already too much!”

“Hm,” Lan Wangji agreed. It had been a difficult day, and a quiet dinner at home sounded quite nice.

In the end though, they spent the evening in the Hanshi. Lan Xichen had already ordered for food to be brought there for him and his nephew, apparently convinced that Lan Wangji and his husband would leave the child to him for the entire night. He would not say why he believed they would do something of the sort, when they had said they would pick up A-Yuan as quickly as possible. Nie Huaisang seemed very amused by his brother-in-law’s surprise at their early return, but he did not comment on it.

Still, it was not a bad evening. Lan Wangji spent most of it with A-Yuan on his knees, either listening to his son chattering about the less unpleasant part of his school day or observing a game of Go between his husband and his brother. They only went home when A-Yuan fell asleep on his lap, exhausted by this too long day.

#wangxian #nie huaisang #lan wangji #mo dao zu shi #xisang #both xisang and wangxian are barely there and I'm sorry but welp #wangxian fucking informs almost every choice lwj makes lol #jau writes #burn it down au

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cienie-isengardu · 4 years ago

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My little OP Theory: Zoro saving Supernova(s) from drowning?

Since I catched up with recent OP chapters my hopes and expectations to see Zoro interacting with other Supernovas have increased significantly. We already could see a bit of how Zoro and Law relationship changed between Punk Hazard and later story arcs; from keeping distance to shared drink and how it’s different from the rest of (male) Straw Hats). I still hope to see more of them together, because Zoro and Law are very similar in many ways and together are entertaining characters and, like I said once, they play the same role as “cool-headed” to Luffy’s chaotic craziness and Sanji / Eustass Kid’s hot-headed tendencies in their respective TRIOs.

Since the Wano arc brought Eustass, Killer, Law, Luffy and Zoro into the same conflict with Kaido (with Drake, Appo, Hawkins on enemy’s side), I expect to see more of their interaction in future. Right now Eustass, Luffy and Zoro seems to be on the same level of, well, reckless stupidity, what suits them just fine. But Wano arc, due to what happened to Killer, makes Zoro the only one from Worst Generation that did not eat devil fruit/SMILE and by extension is THE ONLY ONE THAT STILL CAN SWIM.

And here comes what I hope think we will see in nearest future: Zoro saving from drowning other Supernova(s).

In One Piece it is pretty common for the strongest heroes to fight the boss and his/her/their inner circle of the most dangerous & loyal “officers”. With so many Supernovas in one place, it makes sense to assume the final battle will involve all of them in this or another way. Since the group of allied pirate crews are once again separated into smaller groups, Supernovas may be forced to rely on other members of the Worst Generation instead of their “normal” (weaker) crewmembers. Which means if one of Supernovas will be thrown into water during battle, he A) will become powerless and B) has smaller chance to get help from his own friends.

Up until Wano, Luffy and Eusstas always could rely on Zoro and Killer, respectively, to be saved from drowning, since those Supernovas are their loyal comrades. With Roronoa there is no doubt he would do everything to protect Luffy. And I mean really, everything. The bond between Eustass and Kid, so far is presented as strong as that of Straw Hats duo. What made Luffy and Eustass the only Supernova captains that were supported by other Supernova-level no-devil fruit user that secured their weak point.

Right now, Luffy still doesn’t have to worry because Zoro is always there to pick him out from water. Law - whatever he likes it or not - is recognized as a friend of Luffy and I have no doubt that Zoro would jump into sea after him without second thought if Law was in danger of drowning. I’m not sure how much Law himself is aware of that, but he and Zoro seems to be on friendly terms, so it may not be that surprising reaction after all. At this point, Trafalgar should known that Straw Hats takes care of those they befriended.

Now, Killer, as a SMILE failure, can’t swim thus will not be able to save drowning Kid, if situation turned that way. As a hammer, he can’t save himself either. In time of such eventual danger, both will be (again) powerless to save a friend. After what both suffered so far, the feeling of helplessness will sting as hell.

Killer and Kid don’t seem to like rely on strangers. Eustass especially does not like taking help from others, even when situation is very serious. Sometimes I think he just don’t believe in people’s good will. Frankly, looking how Kid Pirates are known for their ruthlessness - starting with Eustass’s impulsiveness and ending with Killer’s title “Massacre Soldier” - it makes sense they accept stranger’s help with suspiction. Even more if the help comes from other pirates like Straw Hats.

Zoro saving Luffy’s enemy/rival from drowning is nothing new. It happened with Smoker and I will not lie, I love that moment very much. It sets an interesting relationship between Smoker and Straw Hats, not truly allies, not really enemies. Something similar to what was between Gol D. Roger and Monkey D. Garp.

Of course, Kid and Luffy are rivals with the same goal: finding One Piece and becoming Pirate King what makes them both very competitive and agressive toward each other. Their relationship is much more complicated than those of Luffy and Smoker’s or Luffy and Law’s is. They are rivals but they are already tangled into one big mess with Kaido that forced them to ally against common enemy. An alliance that did not stop their passive-agressive behaviour toward each other.

We know Luffy isn’t a guy that let’s other people - even enemy - die and despite his harsh relationship with Kid, he already showed he cared for rival captain and Killer when they were tortured in prison. He was affected by Kid’s rage for what happened to his partner. So there is no doubt that Luffy will want to save Killer and Kid if they were thrown into water and started drowning.

Zoro so far has more or less neutral relationship with Kid, but already fought against Kamazo the Manslayer (Killer) who tried to kill little girl O-Toko. Not the best way to start relationship and it is hard to tell how much Zoro knows about Killer’s state as “pleasure”. During fight when Zoro, Luffy, Kid and Killer teamed up, someone already said aloud that Killer ate SMILE and is one of failures and Kid started wrecking havoc for making fun of his comrade. So, there is a chance Zoro already learned that about his temporary ally and we know from previous chapters how angry he is about the SMILE that take away people feelings leaving them only with laughter. More, Roronoa could understand Killer’s pain; being too weak to save your captain, to be with friend when he needed you the most. So, if Kid is gonna be drowing, saving him would be the right thing to do (approved by Luffy, because no rivalry is worth someone’s life). Because if the roles were reversed, if Luffy were in such danger and Zoro couldn’t save his captain, he wouldn’t forgive himself if something happened to his friend. As the first mate, he can understand Killer’s feelings, because he - like all Straw Hats - already experienced that moment of powerlessness.

I have no doubts that Zoro would be willing to jump into water after both Killer and Kid, if the situation called for such action. I do wish for such thing to happen, partially because there is something magical about such moment; saving your (or your captain) potential rival that build some understanding and respect and maybe even trust between characters. Partially, because such action would definitely allow both pirate crews to celebrate together victory at the end of fight, putting aside their rivalry and ambitions for another day and just drink together and laugh and be happy to be alive.

Is Zoro meant to save other Supernova(s) from drowing, especially Kid or Killer? I sincerely hope that yes.

Becuase really, why else erase Killer “normality” without giving him any additional powers? I mean, beside putting him and Eustass in emotional hell?

Killer ate that damn SMILE to save his captured captain, and most likely was forced to work as Orochi’s assassin that wasn’t sent just after powerful/dangerous enemies but after little girl like O-Toko too. As a SMILE Failure, Killer can only laugh all the time when he hates his own laugh and he endured all of this for saving Eustass. Him, not being able to swim, when Kid may need to be fished out of water in fight full of Emperators and Supernovas and other dangerous being is just creating such possibility. And well, Zoro is the only Supernovas not tainted by devil fruit or SMILE that is gonna be in centrum of the battle for sure.

There is also X-Drake who works undercover and I guess depending on what he is planning to do in upcoming fight, he may be also saved from drowning.

#one piece #roronoa zoro #monkey d. luffy #eustass kid #killer (one piece)#trafalgar law #supernovas #the worst generation #my theories #my thoughts #zoro saving devil fruits users from drowning #gives me so much life #i kinda love to see devil fruit users being thrown into water lol #but seriously #saving smoker was such awesome moment #and now both kid and killer may need saving #especially kid who can't count on killer anymore because of SMILE #and good lord they care of each other so much #i can't wait to see after party between straw hats hearts and kid pirates #just let zoro jump to save one our supernova anchors and i will be happy as hell #one piece spoilers #okay there is also #There is also X-Drake who works undercover and I guess depending on what he is planning to do in upcoming fight he may be also saved from dr #drowning too if he turn out to be ally

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altosense33 · 4 years ago

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Professional Teeth Whitening In Notting Hill.

Content

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erekiosuncreativeideas · 5 years ago

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Reliving An Old Nightmare - Chapter 10

<= Chapter 9

Summary : Snatcher and Hat Kid experience BFF stuff together, and everything is completely fine! Also available on AO3 : https://archiveofourown.org/works/22337299/chapters/55072831

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New chapter! I hope you'll like it! A new big "thank you" to Krekka01, who corrected it.

You know, I should stop splitting chapters into several parts, but I always end up writing too much. Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy reading it! Please don't hesitate to tell me if you do! (or reblog/like, it makes me happy too!)

Don’t forget to check out the audio file associated with this chapter !

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Chapter 10

-“So… if Vanessa’s not the mastermind, who is?” asked Snatcher after a moment of silence. His stare was fixed on the little Hat Kid, as his mind prayed for her to know who was responsible. But the girl only shook her head, visibly embarrassed.

-“I… I don’t know,” she answered with a quiet voice. The ghost’s hopes were shattered in thousands of pieces with the brat’s awful recognition. Before he was able to retort anything, his contractor lifted her hands in defence, trying to justify herself. “...yet! I don’t know yet! We still have several days to find out who is behind this!”

-“Yeah, which is a lot of time, isn’t it?” he replied sarcastically. “Oh well, why don’t we spend the rest of the day drinking tea? After all, we have all the time in the world! Oh, wait… we don’t!”

-“Would you please shut up!” yelled the child, exasperated by his behaviour. “Yes, I know we don’t have much time! But I arrived here just like you, only several hours ago! As if I-”

-“Wait...” the spirit interrupted her, just as his mind became blank. “What do you mean, ‘you just arrived here’?”

Surely, he must have misunderstood what she had said because there couldn’t be any possible logical explanation behind this. Snatcher had been in this dimension for a whole day already! A night had passed since his arrival, so why was she talking about mere hours? This didn’t make any sense!

The hat-wearing girl seemed to think the same thing as him, because a clear expression of confusion crossed her features. Her eyes were fixed on his, as her mind was probably trying to understand as well.

-“Uh… I mean that I’ve been here for three to four hours, at most?” She raised her eyebrows, puzzled for a few seconds. However, the perplexity on her face didn’t last long, as it was quickly replaced by a much more horrified expression. She let out a small “oh” as her breathing sped up little by little.

-“What ‘oh’? What now?” questioned the shade, infuriated. Something was going on, and he hated not understanding what exactly. Plus, there were too many things happening at the moment, and if another one was added to the pile… it was already too much as it was.

-“We have to go back now,” simply murmured the brat, now completely frozen. She was looking everywhere but at Snatcher, panicked by something he couldn’t tell yet.

-“What? Hey, kid!” He took her by the shoulders, forcing her to come back to reality. “Why do we have to go back? What’s happening?”

The sudden contact woke up the child from her panic attack, and she slowly rose her head to meet his nervous stare. The look on her face did nothing to reassure Snatcher a bit. He could feel his body tensing up from the apprehension. Finally, after what felt like hours to him, the brat opened her mouth:

-“Time isn’t synchronized. It’s moving much slower on the ship than it does down there.”

The shade remained motionless for a few instants, his brain trying to get what the little girl was telling him. The time was moving differently? But then, it hit him: that was exactly what she had explained to him earlier when she was talking about the Void.

“The laws of physics don’t apply there, so you could make several steps and have moved forward by a mile, just like you could walk for hours for nothing.”

-“You mean… that several days might have passed since we came into the ship?” questioned the spirit, now very concerned by the current situation.

-“I wouldn’t say days, but…”

The shade cut her short and hit the nearby crate with his fist. It shook everything on it, and water splashed from the inside of the saucepan, while the kid’s colour pencils jumped from the shock. Snatcher didn’t care. What was it, compared to the fact that they might have lost several hours in the stupidest way possible? His anger was now palpable.

-“You’re telling me that, even though we have a countdown problem, we just lost time by coming into this spaceship of yours? Is that what this is about?!”

The hat-wearing brat avoided his stare and hunched, more than ashamed.

-“I didn’t know, okay?” she shot back. “I thought it wouldn’t be a problem!”

-“You thought? You’re supposed to be the time expert here, kiddo!” countered Snatcher, louder. The hair on his spectral body was becoming sharper and spikier as seconds passed. His figure was now looming menacingly over the small child’s one, as his fingers slowly turned into deadly claws. His left hand scratched the inside of the saucepan without meaning to, and his teeth were becoming more and more dangerous. “If you don’t find a solution right now, the lack of oxygen won’t kill you - I will!”

-“I have no idea what’s going on!” screamed the little girl suddenly, with a voice Snatcher had never heard before. “Happy, now?! I’m just as lost as you! I’ve been stuck in this ship for hours, not knowing if I would either die of thirst or asphyxia... alone!”

She was on the verge of tears, trembling as she kept her arms along her body, fists clenched in pure rage. She was glaring at the ghost with a fury that looked so strange on her. The spirit was taken aback so much that he couldn’t help but waver at the weird and unusual sight. His spiky hair turned soft again, little by little, as he floated back, still staring at her in bewilderment.

-“Do you know what it’s like?!” she continued, tears trickling down her cheeks. “To feel so stupid and incompetent on something you’re supposed to know like the back of your hand? To know that if you fail, you might have someone’s death on your conscience?!”

The last sentence hit Snatcher close to home, as he was immediately reminded of all the villagers’ blood on his hands. Did he know what it felt like? He certainly did, unfortunately. He had learnt how to live with it as years went by, but after seeing the village alive again… it had been quite a shock to him. And his contractor, a child, experienced it as well. A sudden and strong feeling of guilt engulfed him completely, as he remained motionless, unable to ignore it.

Why did he have to feel emotions?!

Silence fell in the room again, both of them avoiding each other’s eyes. The brat wiped her tears with her sleeves and sniffed noisily, frowning and looking away. She didn’t seem sad - just extremely frustrated and exhausted. What just happened had surely been the final straw. Snatcher didn’t know why, but he disliked the sight that was in front of him. He had seen her cry and die plenty of times during his advanced contracts! So why was this time so different? He couldn’t tell. However, there was this annoying feeling looming over him, ordering him to apologize to the little girl, no matter how ridiculous it sounded to him. He wanted her dead, so why did he care?

Wait. He didn’t care, what was he even thinking? Clearly, the danger of their current situation was giving him incoherent thoughts. There were absolutely no other explanations to that awful feeling in his non-existent stomach.

Thinking about their current position reminded him that they needed to stop wasting time.

-“So…” he started again, deciding not to apologize (what for, after all?) before addressing their main problem, though in an uncertain tone, “once we go back, what do we need to do?”

He wished to avoid going back to the manor very much. After the way he had left, after hearing Vanessa crying her eyes out, and after learning that several hours may have passed since his outburst, the ghost wasn’t even sure there was still a village to go back to; however, according to his contractor, the Time Piece was hidden in the mansion, much to his dismay.

The child sniffed once again, lifting her head to look at him with a tired expression painted on her face.

-“We need to find the Time Piece and break it to get out of here. If this dimension really is linked to it, then breaking it should reverse the process.”

-“Should?” remarked the shade, doing his best not to sound too sarcastic. For reasons.

The brat pinched her nose, clearly unhappy with the evolution of the conversation.

-“I told you, this is new to me. No one has ever created something from a Time Piece! I mean, not on purpose. Time Rifts appear because of time distortions, that is to say when a Time Piece is broken. But this one… someone made it - created it from scratch.” She paused, staring into space as she started thinking again. “I have no idea how that’s even possible.”

Snatcher had no idea either, though it was not surprising, given his lack of knowledge in that field of study. However, if the time specialist before him didn’t know what to think, then their situation didn’t look too good.

-“So, the Time Piece,” he said, wanting to get back on the subject without losing more time, “where is it? I know you said it’s in” -he paused, looking elsewhere for a brief moment- “the manor, but in what room exactly?”

As he said those last words, his mind kept repeating old memories from his past, ones he wished he could erase completely, but he knew better.

“Please, not the cellar. Not the cellar, don’t tell me it’s in there. Anywhere but there.” Similar pleas echoed in his head on loop, as he did his best to remain calm, not wanting to show his discomfort to his contractor. Even though she knew his past, from what she had told him earlier, that didn’t mean he wanted to show any weakness to her. Fortunately, she didn’t seem to notice anything different. She simply hunched again, replying in a tone much too uncertain to Snatcher’s taste.

-“Yeah, about that…”

The spirit knew there was going to be a catch. It was in there, he knew it! Where else could it have been, when Life was so determined to make him suffer more and more? It was simply pure irony.

The child noticed his distress and rose both of her hands, trying to get his attention back on her:

-“Wait, wait, wait! Don’t get mad, I swear it’s not my fault!”

The ghost lifted his eyebrows in confusion.

-“What do you mean, ‘not your fault’?” he questioned with a voice full of wary.

-“Well, see, usually I know where my Time Pieces are. I can sense them, it’s in my nature.” The ghost tried to interject to ask about that point, but the little girl stopped him with a hand gesture. “It’s complicated, we don’t have time for that! What matters is that I usually know where they are and. When I don’t, I find out pretty quickly. But this time…”

She paused, looking for words. It felt like an eternity for Snatcher, who was silently begging for his biggest fear not to be true. When she finally opened her mouth again, the ghost couldn’t help but hold his breath, even though he had no need for air in his state in the first place.

-“This time, I don’t know precisely where it is. I can sense it’s in the manor, but nothing more than that… it’s very hazy. I think that someone is trying to hide it from me.”

The spirit almost let out a huge sigh of relief but managed to keep it to himself. At least, it wasn’t in the cellar… or at least, even though the awful possibility still existed, it wasn’t certain. Nonetheless, what the brat had just said promptly brought him back to reality.

-“Someone… you mean the person who made this dimension?” he asked, trying to gather as much information as possible about that very worrying situation. The kid shrugged, frowning as she replied.

-“I don’t know. Probably?” She shook her head. “I don’t think Vanessa would be able to hide something like the Time Pieces, since they are quite powerful, so-”

-“Don’t underestimate her, kiddo.” The warning came out by itself and Snatcher gritted his teeth as he realized what he had just said. Why couldn’t he keep his mouth shut?! He sighed, ignoring the sad look appearing on the child’s face. He didn’t need to be pitied. Especially on something regarding that woman.

And then it hit him. If they had to search for the Time Piece inside the manor, it certainly wouldn’t be easy to find. If someone had gone this far in order to hide the Time Piece from its literal alien owner, Snatcher doubted he was going to find it on the dining table. The worst-case scenario would be to find it in that place, and he very much hoped he wouldn’t have to set foot in there.

In any case, that meant he would need to go back there and face Vanessa. That simple thought made him shiver. He didn’t know if he would be able to. His ex knew, and that alone was enough to scare him. Plus, the way she had been crying when he left, if Subcon was still standing at this time, she would still punish him in any horrible way.

What if she locked him in the cellar again? What if she froze him the instant she caught sight of him again? If he ever died or disappeared, then what about the kid? If she wasn’t captured by Vanessa and her accomplice after that, she would either die with the Time Rift or asphyxiated in her own spaceship. But he used to want her dead! No, not “used to” - he still did! Why did it bother him that much, then?

The ghost closed his eyes, not wanting to go on this trail of thoughts at all. Doing so wasn’t a good idea. For reasons. Again.

-“Snatcher?” The spirit reopened his eyes, only to find the little girl staring at him with a clear expression of worry on her face. The ghost felt a tingling in his chest as his eyes met hers. Great, just what he needed... more feelings! But that still didn’t change anything, and he knew very well what was going to happen eventually.

-“I’m going to go back there, aren’t I?” he asked, though it wasn’t a question. In the end, only the awful and horrifying recognition of what was waiting for him. He knew they couldn’t barge into the manor to steal the Time Piece without thinking, especially since they had no idea of who was helping Vanessa. They would be in the enemy’s territory, thus in great disadvantage. Plus, the ghost couldn’t help but feel like there was much more to this story than what they first thought. It was like they were the pawns of that someone’s chessboard. Their puppets. Their toys. And Snatcher hated that idea.

His question seemed to upset the child much more than what he anticipated. The hat-wearing kid lowered her eyes, as an expression of extreme guilt appeared on her face. She certainly had thought the same thing, without finding the courage to tell him. But Snatcher knew very well what needed to be done, much to his horror. However, the result wouldn’t be too different if he waited for the world to end itself. At least, even though Vanessa was extremely impulsive and volatile, they still had a chance.

Though, there was still the problem of that unknown enemy…

-“You don’t have to,” simply said the kid, in a quiet voice.

-“What other choice do we have, kiddo? Wait for death?” he replied, with an insincere scoff. “I mean, we don’t even know who’s behind this and why. You think I want to go? Believe me, I don’t.” And he really, really didn’t.

-“Then we could always wait for the night and go inside!” she countered, with a more panicked voice.

-“Yeah, and what about the guards outside?” He folded his arms in. “Trust me, we’ll definitely draw attention.”

A forced smile appeared on his lips and he stared into space, while the little girl was still trying to find other excuses for him not to go. Deep down, Snatcher knew he had no other choice. Not doing so would be accepting their doom without doing anything, and even though the afterlife was quite boring, he didn’t want to let go that easily. Plus, he finally had the occasion to take revenge on the one who had made not only his life hell but also his afterlife.

And even if he really didn’t want to admit it, even just to himself, there were… other reasons.

-“But…” The little voice brought him back to reality. “...what if she tries to hurt you again?”

The kid was now staring at his left hand, still in the warm water. Said hand didn’t hurt as much, which surprised him quite a lot, considering how bad the kid was at taking care of herself. At least, he had to admit he had been wrong to doubt her on that point.

He slowly raised his head towards the child once again and let a forced smile come on his ghostly lips. There were no other choice for now.

-“I thought we didn’t have much time?” he simply said, though the words felt so, so heavy in his mouth. His non-existent heart sunk as he accepted the only possible option they had for now. He had to go back, since Irony decided it would be the safest solution so far.

The kid’s face crumpled instantly, as she understood what meaning those words hid. She pounced towards him and threw herself into the spirit’s arms before he was able to do or say anything against it. The contact made him freeze completely and his injured hand left the saucepan suddenly, making it shake with the swift gesture. He felt the small arms of the girl hugging him tighter and tighter, as if she wanted to prove to herself that what was happening was real.

As if this was a goodbye.

Snatcher remained unmoving for a few seconds, not knowing how to act at all. The contact was so foreign to him, even more at this moment since he could feel sensations again. He could feel the kid’s heavy breathing against him, her heart pounding in her chest, her tears soaking his spectral form. Muffled sniffing could be heard, along with silent cries. The ghost’s arms were frozen mid-air. He didn’t know what to do with himself. After a while, he slowly lowered them, finally putting his hands on the kid’s shoulders. A horrible sensation, so, so painful, awoken inside him, as his hands felt the contact of the child’s clothes.

What was wrong with him?

-“Okay, now, that’s enough, move it!” He pushed the kid away, trying to hide the sadness that had taken place on his spectral face. He hated what was happening to him. It wasn’t like him. The hat-wearing brat raised her head, and their eyes met once again. Hers were red and swollen, but she still tried to smile despite it.

-“Are you sure?” she asked one last time, even though she probably knew his answer already.

-“Yeah. Take me back.”

The little girl wiped her eyes and nose once again, before nodding in a much more determined manner. She then searched for something in one of the pockets of her pants and handed it to him. It was a remote.

-“If things turn bad, use this. It’ll teleport you here immediately. I don’t need it, but I always carry it with me, just in case. Seems like it might be useful to you, now.”

The ghost grabbed the device with his right hand, not wanting to use his injured one too much before a little while. He squeezed the object, almost afraid of letting it fall down.

-“Yeah... I could use that,” he answered as a thank you.

-“I’ll do everything to synchronise the time on the ship to yours. That way, I’ll be able to meet you again, without losing any more time. If I manage to, and if you don’t use the remote until then, I’ll send another message to let you know about another meeting place. Sounds good?”

The ghost dismissed her with a hand gesture, though he couldn’t help but feel very nervous about what would wait for him in Subcon Village. Would it be frozen? He supposed there was only one way to find out, at this point.

-“Yeah, yeah, I got it. Let’s stop wasting time now.”

The kid nodded again, but before he could react, she took him into her arms once again, hugging him much tighter than before.

-“Kiddo, you know I’m dead and all, but if I were alive, you would have broken my ribs there, you know that?”

She chuckled at his words and let him go after a few seconds. The spirit held back a smile (what smile? He didn’t smile!) and floated away. The kid then lifted her right arm and clicked her fingers, after what had seemed like an eternity to Snatcher.

And then, everything went white again.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Welp, again with a cliffhanger, huh? Some things never change... I hope you liked this chapter! I can't wait to show you more of this story! Don't hesitate to share your impressions and theories, I LOVE reading them!!!

See you in the next chapter!

=> Chapter 11

#A Hat In Time #Reliving An Old Nightmare #RAON #snatcher #hat kid #fanfiction #my art

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