#because up until this point the fate of one particular character was up in the air

[gotta-get-back-to-hatchetfield]

Help! I loved Nerdy Prudes Must Die and am curious about Nightmare Time but don't really have time to commit to watching it all... (a handy guide)

For those of you who don't know Nightmare Time was a series of Hatchetfield one shots that starkid wrote and recorded during lockdown, all of which are of course available for free on YouTube. They go a lot deeper into the lore than the 3 Hatchetfield musicals, including explaining and explore the characters we know and love in more detail, sometimes including shocking revelations.

They also introduce new characters to the Hatchetfield universe, including Stephanie Lauter, Grace Chasity and Pete Spankoffski, who we first met in a Nightmare Time episode.

As they were filmed in lockdown the recording quality is somewhat variable, but Season 2 has a much higher production value than Season 1, and in Season 1 Episode 1 in particular they were very clearly trying to find their feet with it. That being said the actual scripts and content of the episodes is solid throughout.

I've decided to put together this handy guide of which Nightmare Time episodes people might want to check out if they want to learn more about certain things we saw in NPMD.

1) Nibbly - Honey Queen (season 2 episode 1)

If you're curious to learn more about the Lords in Black each of them (bar Wiggly) have an episode of Nightmare Time devoted to them.

For Nibbly, Wiggly's hungriest and pinkest brother that episode is 'Honey Queen' in Season 2 Episode 1.

It explores a very entertaining rivalry between Linda Monroe (from Black Friday) and Zoey (the annoying barista from Beanie's in TGWDLM) that naturally turns very very dark. We also get to meet Linda's husband Gerald who she spends most of Black Friday on the phone to.

As a heads up Nibbly doesn't appear until, shall we say, the end of the episode (with Hatchetfield there's always a twist) and he's not in the super sexy form from NPMD but it's a very strong episode and does give a bit of background to Nibbly's deal.

2) Tinky - Time Bastard (season 1 episode 2 part 2)

If you're curious to learn more about this yellow motherfucker played by Curt then you're in luck because he's in my personal favourite episode and one with a lot of interesting lore surrounding it.

If you're curious about what he means when in NPMD he says 'I could add another Spankoffski to my set', Time Bastard is focused around Pete's brother Ted (from TGWDLM) and the dodgy dealings of CCRP.

It's an extremely clever episode, with lots of really fun twists. It's unfortunately season 1 so has slightly lower production quality, but in terms of raw scripting is just outstanding and has some really interesting reveals about people in the Hatchetfield universe who may not be who we think they are...

Also worth noting that this is in the same episode (Youtube video) as a different Nightmare Time episode 'Forever and Always'. Most episodes work like this where you have two different stories per episode, they absolutely can be watched independently but usually have some sort of thematic link (in this case it's the things we do for love and how they will inevitably be thwarted by CCRP being sketch).

3) Blinky - Watcher World (season 1 episode 1 part 2)

And if you're curious about the one who's always watching you, he's actually the first Lord in Black we meet through Nightmare Time, in the very first episode when Bill and Alice Woodward (TGWDLM) go on an ill fated trip to a spooky theme park.

Again this is from the first episode so production quality is low but it's a really solid episode and a very interesting look into these characters.

While this is our first meeting of a lord in black in Nightmare Time, I don't believe he's actually referred to as such, and the concept of the Lords in Blacks being introduced as Wiggly's brothers comes in at point 5 on this list.

4) Pokey - Yellow Jacket (season 2 episode 4)

You've already met Pokey through TGWDLM (yep that was his blue shit that destroyed the world!), but you won't truly realise how fucking scary he is until you meet his incarnation 'Otho' in Yellow Jacket.

A solid episode exploring Lex, Hannah and Ethan in a lot more detail, and in a world and lives where (at least at the start of the episode) things seem to be a lot more stable for them than in Black Friday.

And yeh as I've already mentioned Pokey is fucking s c a r y in it. Also you remember James Tolbert's character, Charles that gets a little cameo in Hatchetown? Well he's the main human antagonist of this episode!

We also learn a lot of lore about 'the gift', the thing that makes Hannah able to do magic.

5) The concept of the Lords in Black generally - The Witch in the Web (season 2 episode 3 part 2)

If you're curious about why everyone's been posting pictures of those evil teddy bears and now even more confused that you've met them all as fucked up high school students, the Witch in the Web is the episode where we're first introduced to the 'they don't care bears' as a set.

This is a really cool episode, again about Lex and Hannah, but it also exploring Uncle Wiley (from Black Friday) in a lot more detail.

We also first meet two characters called Duke and Miss Holloway who together form the ship Holloduke that if you were following any of Starkid tumblr during lockdown you will definitely have heard of. They're really cool!

Here we also meet Webby, Hannah's imaginary friend in Black Friday, who turns out to be the lord in black's sister: a queen in white. And she's dope.

6) Pete Spankoffski, Stephanie Lauter and Grace Chasity - Abstinence Camp (season 2 episode 2 part 2)

We first meet the now beloved characters of Pete and Steph and the slightly less beloved character of Grace in an evangelical abstinence only camp. The episode centers entirely around these characters and plays excellently with tropes of the horror genre.

It also has the best song in all of Nightmare Time and it's up to you to decide if I'm talking about 'oh my god it's the axe-man' or 'virginity rocks' (it's both, the answer is both).

That's pretty much it in terms of Nightmare Time episodes that cover things from NPMD, but in case you're curious here's a quick run down of what the rest are about:

The Hatchetfield Ape Man - season 1 episode 1 part 1. Hidgens makes Ted pretend to be a Tarzan style half monkey, half man thing to con Angela Giarratanna out of her inheretence.

Watcher World - season 1 episode 1 part 2. See bullet 3 above. Alice and Bill Woodward go to a theme park and shit hits the fan.

Forever and Always - season 2 episode 2 part 1. Paul and Emma get married. Things are not as they seem (there are robots). One of my personal favourites.

Time Bastard - season 2 episode 2 part 2. See bullet 2 above. Ted fucks with time travel and things end very badly for him. Best episode imo.

Jane's a Car - season 2 episode 3 part 1. Turns out the soul of Tom Houston's ex-wife Jane, who died in a car crash, transferred into the car. This somewhat complicates his budding relationship with Becky Barnes.

The Witch in the Web - season 2 episode 3 part 2. See bullet 5 above. Hannah Foster's having nightmares and somehow a witch and Uncle Wiley are involved. Luckily a good witch (Miss Holloway) is there to try and help.

Honey Queen - season 2 episode 1. See bullet 1 above. Linda Monroe and Zoey Chambers compete to win the Hatchetfield honey queen beauty pageant and things spiral wildly out of control. My personal favourite episode from season 2.

Perky's Buds - season 2 episode 2 part 1. Emma's finally achieved her dream of owning her own pot farm. Just her, her non-binary farm hand Ziggs and some very evil birds.

Abstinence Camp - season 2 episode 2 part 2. See bullet 6 above. Pete, Steph and Grace go to a retreat in the very creepy woods to learn one way or another about the perils of pre-marital sex.

Daddy - season 2 episode 3 part 1. Remember Sherman Young (Jamie's weird creepy guy from Black Friday)? Turns out there's something very weird going on with his mum. We also learn a lot about Frank Pricely (owner of toyzone from Black Friday) in this episode, who turns out to be a very interesting character.

Killer Track - season 2 episode 3 part 2. Miss Holloway must take extreme action to save a young girl and then the whole world against an evil song that kills anyone who listens to it. We learn a lot more about Holloway as a character and she is soooo cool. Another favourite episode of mine.

Yellow Jacket - season 2 episode 4. See bullet point 4. Hannah seeing her sister struggling to provide for them financially decides to find a way of using her power to earn some spare cash.

Hey Melissa - episode aired only on a livestream, type it into youtube and it'll come up. If you've ever found yourself asking 'what if Mariah's secretary character from the start of TGWDLM was really into dom pup play and Paul Matthews was her little pup bitch and she was also a horrific out of control serial killer?' then a) are you Matt Lang because if not I'm concerned? and b) by god this is the episode for you!. I personally really enjoy it I think it's super funny, but obviously heavy trigger warnings for abuse and sexual content warnings (there's a reason they didn't put this in the real series). Fucking excellent tho.

[avelera]

(Critique) Mel Medarda Should Have Known About Her Latent Magical Ability

Overall, I have very little to complain about with S2 of Arcane, but there's a couple very, very small fixes I'd make as a writer to bring it more in line with how tightly written S1 is. Personally, I think the Arcane team either 1) opted for pacing over exposition in S2, which is a completely valid choice or 2) had some limitations in S1 as far as background lore (they hadn't decided how much to tie it into League yet as canon or as an AU) which is why some elements which are teased in S1 (the Gray, Mel's powers) don't get named or explained.

The reason I think Mel should have known about her latent magical powers from the beginnings is two-fold and based almost entirely in writing principles:

Audiences should be given the tools to at least have a chance to solve the mystery at the same time the characters do

It's more powerful when a character's fate is decided, directly or indirectly, by their own deliberate choices

In the case of point 1, we never really get a hint about Mel having any sort of power until the very last shot before the rocket hits her, there's a slight glow which could easily just be artistic flare.

In the case of point 2, Mel's bloodline is what makes her magical, a choice entirely out of her hands.

Personally, if I could do a few small tweaks to sort of bring Mel's story into focus, this is what I'd do:

Make Mel aware since childhood that she is a bastard who was conceived specifically for magical ability that her mother hoped would give House Medarda the edge against their mage enemies.

Have Mel's abilities not develop when she was a child, thus leading her to believe that the reason she was banished from House Medarda was because she failed her mother and her House (rather than to protect her, which was Ambessa's true goal).

Have Mel's banishment encourage her to become skilled in many other areas, like diplomacy, but still keenly feel the inadequacy of not being the weapon Ambessa wanted. (That way, we the audience have some prayer at correctly predicting what's going on with the glow of her tattoos in the last shot of S1, that she has finally come into her power as a mage during a moment of crisis.)

Make it clearer in the flashback to her childhood that the people Ambessa was fighting then were mages. Then, when the young girl (the "Symbol of the Old Regime") is killed, Mel will feel keenly how it is only her own bloodline that keeps her mother from killing her as well, making her question her safety and loyalties.

Let her talk to Jayce about how she grew up believing she had magical abilities, only to never have them develop. It would give her and Jayce one more thing to bond over, since he almost certainly wished he had innate power too after the Wizard saved him, hence why he turned to artificial means to develop the magic he could never develop genetically. (And oh, the irony of the fact the Wizard didn't have it either, it was always Viktor and Jayce gave him that power.)

Have Hextech be the thing that awakens Mel's powers. This one in particular drives me crazy. Mel is the first investor in Hextech, the first believer in it besides Jayce and Viktor. Have exposure to Hextech be something that magically changes her too, because of her deliberate, purposeful choices. Have her choices be why she is "touched by the Arcane." It's heavily implied but never stated or resolved that Hextech is wearing thin the veil between Arcane and reality in Piltover. Mel's close involvement with it should be the thing that triggered her latent powers, because then it's a deliberate action on her part that leads her to being kidnapped by the Rose once her powers awaken. It's no longer a coincidence caused by Jinx's rocket that developed her powers all at once.

By having proximity to Hextech be the thing that awakens Mel's powers, it also brings her story in line with the themes of the show, "Everyone's choices get them what they wanted, but not what they needed." All her life now, Mel wanted to develop the power her mother literally bore her to have. Now she has it and it's horrifying, and alien to her, and has changed the course of her life. In the end, she becomes Head of House Medarda with all the innate power she always dreamed of and it tastes like ashes in her mouth, because she needed to kill her mother to achieve it, and she must leave the city she loves and the independent life she crafted by her own hands behind, in what becomes a tragedy rather than random chance.

It also makes the mirrors and foils of Mel vs. Viktor much clearer. Jayce, in his desire to become the Wizard who saved him as a child through artificial means, has instead turned his two closest loved ones into the powerful mages he wanted to be. As it is, it seems coincidental that Jayce happened to pull two godlike powerful beings, which is unsatisfying, rather than it being the product of all of three of their deliberate choices to become involved with Hextech and how it changes the trio as a result.

It also reframes her support for Hextech weapons at first and then her opposition to it and her mother using Hextech as a weapon. At first, Mel wants to be a Medarda and make her mother proud, she feels keenly her own lack of magic and her inability to be the weapon her mother wanted, but Hextech promises to give magic to the people in a way she and Jayce both keenly feel because they can't access magic genetically. But once Mel develops her powers because of her exposure to Hextech "radiation", and learns how dangerous Hextech/magic can be through conversations with Jayce and seeing its impact on Piltover, she can now, as a mage, change her mind on the subject and decide to stand in opposition to her mother because this power is too dangerous to weaponize.

Again, I think the reason they didn't make this through-line more obvious was because they probably just didn't know what direction they wanted to take Mel in in S1, and then they decided to give her powers as well and it had to be some big secret birthright that got sprung on her to explain why she didn't know in S1. But it makes the story just a smidge less satisfying because the characters feel moved about by fate instead of by their own choices.

[tobiasdrake]

Got Buffy on the brain.

Spike is an example of the magic of long-running series, which has more or less died out in the streaming era. Specifically, what happens when plans go awry. Because Spike? Spike is a plan that went very, very awry.

Spike was supposed to be a setup arc villain. That's it. That's all he was ever meant for. He's introduced in season two as the new scary Big Bad Evil Vampire. He's got a lot of charm and wit and some interesting characteristics but also he's killed two Slayers and is looking to add a third to his list.

Plan was that we have the Spike arc, then Buffy kills him in the midseason finale. Drusilla takes over as Big Bad Evil Vampire until surprise twist Angelus turns up as the true season villain. And that's it. Buffy fights Angel's entire little vampire sect and overcomes them and that's the season.

But Spike was spared his fate when he was just too likable to dispose of so quickly. He became a loose thread, kicked into the void for later seasons to figure out what to do with. Because this was back in the day when "We'll have another season to figure this out, we don't have to solve it now," was a thing you could reasonably rely on.

And then Angel got a spinoff, and they had to write him out of the show. That means we now have a void in the series. We need a new sexy vampire boy that the protagonists can have a fraught and snarky but generally positive relationship with when it really counts. And. Like. We have this loose thread over here....

And, as luck would have it, Spike had been written from the beginning to be a hopeless romantic. A vampire entirely capable of human affection, loyalty, and even selflessness for the people he loved. So it was really easy to slide him into a protagonist role and have him just pack-bond onto the protags now. All he needed was a restraining bolt to keep him from vamping it up. And hey, we're doing this arc about government labs and demon research soooooooo....

Spike is one of the show's most popular characters, and one of the things that makes him so interesting is the simple fact that he was an accident. He wasn't supposed to be here. He wasn't planned from the start, like Angel and Buffy were. Creative circumstances contrived to make Spike the path of least resistance.

And in-universe, he is a cosmic accident. His capacity for affection and loyalty defies conventional wisdom about vampires, which says they are just soulless husks incapable of true emotion. But the way it manifests as the series progresses is possible only because of the restraining bolt placed on him, which no other vampire has ever experienced, behaving in a way that it was not intended to function.

Spike is, both in and out of universe, an anomaly for multiple reasons. This was never the plan, and nothing about him as a character or plot point works the way it feels like it's supposed to. He is a walking contradiction of the roles he occupies and the rules of the setting. He's not supposed to be here, and moreover, he's not supposed to be.

And that is precisely what makes him so interesting, and captivates so much of the fandom. It's something that more tightly written series, with a limited number of episodes planned from the beginning, can never truly experience.

With other characters, with Angel or Buffy or Giles or Willow, there are surprises to be had. But they often fit very comfortably into their particular roles. But with Spike, you never really know what you're gonna get. Even his creators don't.

[badgalsasuke]

My thoughts on the Naruto ending pt. 2

So I wanted to add something regarding my thoughts on the Naruto ending (if you have not read that post, I suggest you do so you can understand this one better).

On one of my posts regarding NH and Neji's death @calculosavulsos pointed out something that I had missed out.

I had dismissed Neji's death as simply an act of pettiness from Kishimoto, y'know, killing the beloved more developed and compelling Hyuga as payback for being forced to make NH a thing. But after reading calculosavulsos comment, it made me realize that the theme of conformism in the ending might have been established several chapters prior to the actual final chapters 699-700.

Although Neji and Hinata had both been introduced several chapters before their duel at the chuunin exams, it is until this fight that we're revealed information on the Hyuga clan and the philosophy that rules it and the values they live by.

For genin Neji, fate is unchangeable. Every single person has their destiny established from birth and it is no use to try to challenge it. This pisses off Naruto, a ninja that defies everyone's expectations and who goes through life challenging the status quo and urging others to do the same. Naruto then, swears to win to prove Neji that a person can, in fact, defy their destiny.

The reason why Neji believes people's destiny is assigned at birth is due to the segregation in the Hyuga clan, some members are born into the main branch and some are born into the cadet branch, members from the main branch enslave and torture members from the cadet branch who must serve them and protect them with their lives. Neji's own father suffered this fate, cementing this idea on Neji that's what he will live to do as well.

Naruto, on the other hand, believes the opposite. He believes he is the master of his own destiny and is capable of changing whatever the status quo might be, clashing directly with Neji's ideals. Naruto believes that those who are passive and let life come at them instead of facing it are cowards.

It's during their fight that Neji reveals to Naruto why he feels he can't escape fate and Naruto responds that he's actually been fighting off his fate, calling him a hypocrite.

After an intense physical fight Naruto swears he will change the Hyuga clan even if he still doesn't truly grasp the full depth of the issue, meaning he plans to abolish the division between the cadet branch and the main branch that other Hokages had enabled until then.

What I love about this fight, and this panel in particular is that Neji is using his Ultimate Defense: The Zero Blind Spot which is supposed to protect him of any force that comes at him to attack him, a technique he coined himself, whereas Naruto is using the massive force of the Kyuubi chakra in a direct attack to Neji's defense. It's basically an unstoppable force clashing against an unmovable object. Once again, Kishimoto is communicating through the visual language of his work, the ideals and feelings the characters are seeking to evoke. Basically, the way both boys are fighting is a physical representation of Naruto's defiance and Neji's resignation.

Naruto is a series where we see a constant defiance of the status quo, society's apathy and the cover up of crimes against the marginalized.

But as I explained in my thoughts about the ending post, thematically the Naruto finale is about conformism. I had personally traced this conformism to the special chapter of Naruto's nameday as Hokage, but after reading Calculosavulsos' comment, I realized the conformism theme can be traced to as far back as Neji's death in the manga.

In several interviews Kishimoto talks about how he chose to make NH canon right in around the middle of the series, possibly after Hinata's popularity skyrocketed due to Studio Pierrot's added filler scenes for her fight against Pain. In a particular interview Kishimoto stated clear and plainly that the reason why he killed off Neji is because he needed to come up with a scenario to bring Naruto and Hinata close, he went as far as to calling Neji cupid. For me, as I stated at the beginning, this reeked of pettiness and I left it at that, not looking deeper to see if there was another layer to Neji's death, but turns out there is.

Neji, just like his father, Hizashi, ends up sacrificing his life for a member of the main branch of the clan. Hizashi ended up dying in Hiashi's place who was supposed to die to avoid dragging Konoha into a war with the Land of the Clouds. Neji ended up dying in Hinata's place who was supposed to die to avoid Naruto's death and the ultimate defeat of the Shinobi alliance at the hands of Obito and Madara.

Unsurprisingly, Naruto's guilt-tripping into returning Hinata's feelings begins here as well. Neji uses his last breath while bleeding to death to serve, as Kishimoto called him, as a cupid for Naruto and Hinata. Also notice how Neji never drops the honorifics towards Hinata even though he is the older one of the two and Hiashi had said the Cadet and Main branch were fighting as one (implying the segregation had been abolished)

Neji and Naruto were supposed to change the clan Hyuga, as Naruto had promised Neji years prior and as he states again to Neji who's slowly dying on his arms "you were gonna change clan Hyuga", meaning Neji was supposed to fight back against his destiny of a lifelong slave that would die to protect his enslaver and yet Neji was ultimately the first character of the series to conform.

Neji's death is direct parallel of his father death, to the point his final thoughts mention him understanding how he was only able to achive freedom, at long last, through death.

Neji, like every other Hyuga from the cadet branch, was only able to attain freedom through death. Naruto would never change the clan Hyuga as he promised either. Kishimoto is establishing the theme of conformity that's the focal point in the finale, right here.

If Kishimoto hadn't been forced to make NH a thing, maybe Hinata is the one that would've died to protect Neji instead, reverting the roles of their parents, or maybe Kishimoto simply would have not felt the need to come up with a scenario like the one he did. But it's clear that Naruto and Hinata ending up together represents the apathy, resignation, defeat and compliance we see in Naruto and Sasuke's adult characters.

[definitelynotafurinasimp]

Hello hello!

I saw your “Them comforting reader after a long day” post and i thought how about a “reader comforts them after a long day” with Furina/Mona and whoever you choose. I’m gonna go back to bing read your posts now! Take care!

Comforting them after a long day

characters: Furina / Mona x gn!reader (separate)

warnings: maybe slight hurt/comfort, but mostly fluff

a/n: Couldn't exactly go the full comforting route in Mona's path, bc let's be honest. That girl is too proud to show even a little bit of weakness or vulnerability, but this should do as well.

Oh, also: FINALLY A REQUEST FOR MONA I LOVE HER SO MUCH I- SOJDVNIJSDVNSIDVNSIDJVNIJSDNV

Anyway, hope you enjoy!

Furina

Even though Furina had promised herself not to hide behind a facade any longer, there were times she instinctively fell back on her old habits, the 500 year old autopilot that made it possible for her to keep her secret for so long not disappearing overnight. So when she finally closed the doors to her apartment, only to immediately turn around, lean onto them and let gravity do its job until she had slid down to a sitting position, Furina finally closed her eyes before letting out a heavy sigh she had held back for far too long.

“That was a big one. Want to talk about it?” Your voice suddenly rang out, causing her eyes to snap open and quickly land on your silhouette in the hallway as she struggled to leap back up, embarrassment flaming up in her as she tried her best to play it off as if nothing happened, only for her to end up leaning awkwardly against the door.

“Want to talk about what?” Furina shot back immediately, only to silently cringe at the way her words came out, putting on a smile as she slowly took off her shoes and coat and made her way over to the living room, being closely followed by you.

“If you don’t want to talk about it, it’s also fine. Can I take your hand for a bit?” You eventually stated with an understanding smile, grabbing her head once she gave you a nod and starting to massage it by pressing your thumbs against different spots.

It wasn’t like Furina didn’t want to tell you… actually getting her complaints off her chest probably wouldn’t feel so bad. There was nothing stopping her except old habits and the fear something bad might happen once she opened up, that she inherited from her “former life” as Fontaine’s Archon.

“ No, I want to. But I’ll warn you. It might be a long and ultimately boring tale, so are you sure you want to list–” Furina interrupted her melancholic monologue when you pressed against a particular point on her hand, causing her to suddenly yelp in pain as you briefly stopped and looked up at her once again, your face asking her if you should stop. Just like with her opening up, your hand-massage was painful, yet also felt… pleasant and before long she signaled you to continue before reopening her mouth. “–so are you sure you want to listen to it?”

Without a moment of hesitation you responded, giving her a determined nod as you continued to carefully massage the same spot until stopped being painful, showing Furina one last encouraging smile until her complaints and worries started to pour out of her mouth. The former Archon talking until she felt the corners of her mouth dry up, with you intently listening to each and every one of her words.

…Maybe being more open every once in a while didn’t feel too bad.

Mona

Being an Astrologer was what Mona had always dreamed of being, so when it came to it, she wasn’t scared of pouring every single second of her free time into her work, even when chances were her research would reach a dead-end. Because even with fate ordaining everything that ever happened or still lied in the future, there was no way of knowing how things were going to turn out without at least giving them a shot.

So having her the last couple of weeks worth of work turned out to be for nothing when it became clear it wasn’t going anywhere was nothing Mona was unfamiliar with. It was simply a part of her job after all… but even though the great Astrologer Mona Megistus would never admit to being bothered by setbacks, you knew her better than to fall for her unaffected facade.

“Do you have ingredients at home?” You suddenly asked in the middle of your walk, immediately gaining Mona’s attention as she quickly got lost in thought, trying to remember what food she had used up and what still remained, only to eventually give up and shrug her shoulders, letting out a small sigh as she straightened her hat.

“There might still be some left. I can’t say for sure though, keeping stock of my supplies wasn’t exactly something I kept in mind these last few days,” she admitted only for you to quickly whip around your head, a smile adorning your lips as you came up with a suggestion.

“Let’s go out and eat something! That’s something we didn’t do in quite a while.” Considering Mona’s thoughtful look and how she paused in her tracks for a few seconds, it was fair to say that she wasn’t completely against your proposal, even if you were sure it would still require a lot of convincing to get her to finally agree.

“I’m not sure. Going out to eat when you could just as well buy ingredients and cook something is a waste of money isn’t it?” She hesitantly responded, still pondering as her fingers continued to scratch her chin. Truth be told. You couldn’t agree with her more. You had recently spent a lot of your money on things that in hindsight didn’t exactly prove to be the wisest investments, but even so, you felt as if it was your duty to get Mona to eat something tasty today, even if it meant eating nothing but bread and butter for a few days.

You knew Mona better than to not notice how demoralized she seemed the last few days, her sudden mood change and her increase in free time coinciding too well for it to mean anything except her latest research turning out to be for naught. Of course you knew better than to confront her directly about it… something that would only lead to Mona getting defensive as she’d deny feeling down about anything, too proud and stubborn to open up. And so, the only option left was for you to do what you did best.

“I know… But you’ve been so busy these last few weeks so I couldn’t see you all that much and... I’ve missed you,” you explained while trying your best impression of a puppy, “So can we please go out today?” When you saw Mona’s face heat up slightly as she quickly glanced around the two of you, looking if there was anyone in earshot, you knew your plan turned out to be a success, having to do your best to stop your lips from curling up into a smile when she let out a yet another deep sigh. 

“Fine, but stop saying embarrassing things. We’re in public.”

[writing-n-memes]

A list of things I don’t like about the Percy Jackson show in no particular order because I’m a hater

- Sally talks back to Gabe. She’s supposed to be a silent rebel and book Sally would never jeopardize Percy’s safety because she’s angry with Gabe. Because I think the writers forgot, the WHOLE reason Gabe is there is because she is protecting Percy with his presence

- Annabeth is too stoic. Obviously, tv Annabeth has emotions and expresses them but it’s very limited in my opinion. Book Annabeth is emotional about everything. She is quick to anger, pride, sadness and to not show it because she’s ‘too smart for that’ is dumb. She’s 12 and emotions are normal

- Instead of Percy seeing the fates cut Luke’s string, it’s annabeth. Annabeth may be closer with Luke, but it should not be her to be aware of Luke’s fate. She’s too close to Luke to be analytical. Percy seeing it made him realize the prophecy is about Luke. Percy is the main character and should give Luke the knife. Also, Annabeth giving Luke the knife wouldn’t be nearly as meaningful because she’s always had faith he would turn around; even after he trapped her under the sky in titans curse. Percy trusted Luke to do the right thing at the exact right time

- Grover is a whole different character. The only example you need to know he’s not book Grover is tv Grover straight up lying/manipulating the god of war to his face. Book Grover is brave but not like that. He has too much respect and fear for the gods. Don’t get me wrong, I like tv Grover, he’s just not accurate to the book

- Misdirect of Clarisse being the lightning thief. What was even the point? Just seemed very random

-Fight scenes were lacking. I can’t entirely explain it, but I was bored for every one of them. Hate to bring the movies into this, but at least the movies had interesting fight scenes that had me on the edge of my seat

- Poseidon was basically a saint in the show, which is a big no no. I’m not saying he can’t be likeable, but Poseidon was NOT that nice. First of all, he wouldn’t go against Zeus like that. Not for Sally, and certainly not for Percy. He would do some minor rebelling, but he would not directly fight or disobey Zeus for either of them.

- Despite the last point, they showed too much of the Olympian’s bad sides. They absolutely would do all of this stuff in the show and more, but Percy shouldn’t be made aware of this yet. Percy knows the gods aren’t great in book 1, but he doesn’t quite know the extent until he finds out about the story of the oracle in book 5. This is why he’s more bitter in heroes of Olympus. He knows more about the god’s bad sides. If book 1 Percy knew/saw all the stuff about the tv show gods, then he probably would’ve led his own rebellion against the gods and Kronos.

- Gabe’s death? Come on. What happened to ‘If my life is going to mean anything, I have to live it myself’ (don’t know if that’s the exact quote). Sally deserved to kill Gabe. Percy could’ve done it, but Sally made the choice for it to be her. Ignoring the fact that Gabe wasn’t abusive, just a general jerk so he didn’t deserve to die, but also, the death being an accident felt easy. Sally killed her husband and she had zero remorse for it. She used his dead statue body to sell and use the money to go back to college and follow her dream of writing a book, while also meeting the real love of her life, Paul Blofis

- Kind of made this point already, but I’d like to specifically point out Athena being too cruel. Not to say she isn’t cruel, because she is. However, the show made it clear too early on. Annabeth is the favorite child up until mark of Athena, that’s why she’s so distraught over her hat losing its invisibility power. Annabeth always had Athena’s respect up until that point. Athena wants to protect Annabeth from Percy in the original series. She would not just try and kill her. At least, not in book 1

- Changing Medusa’s story. I understand to a degree why they did it. There’s been a lot of talk the past few years on social media about what Medusa’s story means to them. They did show Medusa as a victim, but immediately disregarded it because she uses it as an excuse to… kill children for no reason. Might as well have kept the original story in at that point. Not to mention Poseidon sucks, but only in this story, and he’s a saint for the rest of the show. Feels like that makes it worse

- Deadline didn’t matter. They miss it, but it doesn’t matter for no reason. Every book has a deadline, including in every spinoff so what’s going to happen with future seasons? Is the timeline going to be ignored because it was fine the first time? Or are they going to backtrack and say, ‘Ok, THIS time limit matters. Ignore the fact there was an exception the first time’

- Luke is too tamed. Too apologetic. He’s supposed to be angry. So sure he is right that nothing will stand in his way. Not any friend or family could talk him down at this point. We’re not supposed to sympathize with him. Not yet. He is the main villain at this point and there should be no sign of redemption yet. May’s story (his mom) happened way too soon. It was told in the last book for a reason. So Luke could gain sympathy and make Percy question his side; he does question it but doesn’t “trust” Luke until he gives him the knife 100-200 pages later.

- Annabeth was there for Luke’s betrayal. She should not be there because Annabeth is supposed to be a Luke defender for the whole series basically. ‘Luke was wrong, but he can change’ basically. I don’t know how she’s supposed to defend him when she experiences his betrayal firsthand instead of just hearing he betrayed everything she believes in. This is important because it���s the main conflict between Percy and annabeth through the series; Annabeth’s loyalty to Luke. Also, little side note: This is an example of tv Annabeth being too stoic. Book Annabeth would do what she’d have to in this situation, but she’d be a crying mess. Which is fine! Having emotions is normal!

- Dialogue is stiff. I don’t know why it is, but some things just don’t flow. Even direct quotes from the books doesn’t feel right sometimes. Maybe it’s because they rushed filming and should’ve done more takes to get it right? I don’t know. I don’t doubt the actors talents so I’m not blaming them. Walker Scobell did great in the Adam’s Project and he was only 12 I believe! He didn’t have a single line that felt stiff in that movie but his lines along with the other mains seemed a little off at times.

- Kind of goes along with last point; some dialogue is accurate to the characters, but not in the context it’s used in the show. Here’s an example that someone else pointed out and I agree with them completely. Percy’s line about Thalia having a pine cone’s fate is so out of character. Would Percy say that to Thalia in Titan’s curse? Probably. But would book 1 Percy insult and dishonor Thalia’s death after finding out she sacrificed herself for her friends? Absolutely not. Percy thought her story was brave and tragic. Percy would say that line in other cases, but he would not say it under those circumstance.

- Kind of the opposite of previous points, but why is Hades so nice?? They made him into a silly guy and play it off for laughs. It’s supposed to be a serious scene. There’s humor everywhere else in the series so use that humor somewhere else. Hades is angry because Percy ‘stole’ his helm and hates him for the rest of the series. How are they going to make this guy lock Percy up in the last Olympian and fight him? This is the guy Nico is scared of, which is why it was brave he stood up to him. This is the guy who told his son that he wished he died instead of his sister. Just doesn’t seem right

- They figure everything out too fast. They figured out who Medusa and Procrustes is right away. This series is kind of like an introduction to Greek mythology to kids who don’t know anything about it. It’s about learning, but also building up the tension. Knowing something is wrong, but not knowing what. I don’t care that they were all told Greek myths growing up and that 2 of them have been training for years. Learning something in the classroom doesn’t mean they will automatically know what to do in a real life scenario. Monsters are supposed to TRICK. That’s what happens in almost every book.

- Why were there four pearls only for them to lose one? When I first read the book, I didn’t think about them needing more than three so it felt super unnecessary

- I know I’m pointing out too much about each god that appears but I don’t care. Ares admitting he loves his family is soooo weird. Pretty sure he would take over and destroy most of them

- tv show watchers don’t know how close Luke and Annabeth are. Those two barely interact and they tell us a couple times they’re close from lines like ‘She’s like a sister’ and whatnot, but it doesn’t accurately portray the care they have for one another. It doesn’t help that Annabeth barely reacted to his betrayal in the show

[daresplaining]

Daredevil vol. 6 Annual #1 by Chip Zdarsky, Manuel Garcia, Chris Mooneyham, Rachelle Rosenberg, Le Beau Underwood, and Clayton Cowles

There's a part of me that says I should conserve the few Mike Murdock scenes that I haven't analyzed yet, because who knows when (or if...) we will get more? But it's also nuts to me that four years have gone by and I haven't posted about this scene yet, so screw it, I'm gonna talk about it now.

I've written a bit before about the way this issue emphasizes the concept of Mike barging into pre-existing spaces, observing things that had not been observed before by any pre-existing characters, and ultimately presenting a new path for readers to follow through Matt Murdock's life history. The creative team positions Mike not alongside his twin, but almost in opposition to him, through stark differences in their childhood experiences. Matt loved his father unconditionally, Mike's relationship with Jack was a bit more complicated. Matt tried to stay out of trouble in school, Mike beat up bullies without apology. And then we get this absolute bomb drop of a scene, in which Mike is present where no one was supposed to be, and as a result, is struck with a life-upending revelation that will not hit Matt until years later. This scene stunned me when I first read the issue, because no matter how much Real Boy Mike's story might have diverged from his brother's, I never expected him to have a different experience of this.

Daredevil vol. 1 #230 by Frank Miller, David Mazzucchelli, Christie "Max" Scheele, and Joe Rosen

In Daredevil volume 1 #230, Matt finds himself in a church basement being cared for by nuns after collapsing, near death, in the street. As he lies there, feverish and delirious, he eventually takes notice of a particular nun. Her presence, her smell, and the feel of the cross necklace she wears (which, as seen in the panels above, she ends up giving to Matt) conjure up a long-forgotten memory from the time of his accident. He recognizes this nun as a mysterious woman who visited him in the hospital, as he lay suffering from his newly acquired hypersenses.

Man Without Fear vol. 1 #1 by Frank Miller, John Romita Jr., Christie Scheele, Al Williamson, and Joe Rosen

It is an intimate moment, written almost like a dream; a calming presence in the middle of one of the most nightmarish experiences of his life. Adult Matt pieces together this sensory puzzle, the mystery of this nun, and eventually uncovers the truth: that she is his mother, who he had been raised to believe was dead. This revelation is the start of a long and winding journey through which Matt and Maggie carefully, nervously inch back into each other's lives and begin to build a relationship.

But in the 2020 Annual, this private little moment between Matt and the stranger he will one day come to know as his mother is private no more. It now has a witness, and we the readers have a new, messier perspective on this classic scene. Enter: the brother who wasn't supposed to be there.

In this new version of Daredevil history, Mike spends the night at the hospital, watching over Matt after Jack is forced to leave for work. As Daredevil fans, we have spent plenty of origin retellings and flashbacks inside that hospital room, but Mike stays on a bench out in the hallway, involved but still not fully immersed in what is happening-- an intruder, a spare (I love the detail that he and Matt are dressed exactly the same in this scene). Not once do we see Mike enter that room at any point. The closest he comes to it on-panel is standing uncomfortably in the doorway. And that is how he remains when Maggie arrives and makes her fateful visit: outside, unconnected. When Mike wakes up, she is already in the room with Matt. Maybe she took a moment, as she passed by, to reach out to her other son and he just wasn't awake to notice. We might never know, and neither will he. What matters is that Mike is forced to listen in, and by listening in, he reaches the same conclusion about Maggie that Matt won't until years later. And for Mike, it isn't a gentle, gradual, fever-softened understanding. It is a sudden, nightmarish jolt at the end of a long day filled with sudden, nightmarish jolts.

Mike bears this revelation alone and silently. He could have marched into that room and confronted Maggie. He could have gone in after she left, just to be closer to his brother in this moment of shock and uncertainty. Instead, he chooses to walk away. Later in the issue he reveals to Jack that he has found out the truth, but if the volume 1 continuity has remained intact, we can assume that he never tells Matt. Instead, he carries the burden of this secret knowledge himself, and allows his brother the freedom and peace of mind to not be hurt by the shattering of such a foundational lie.

[bestworstcase]

In general I'm far more partial to your thoughts on whatever Ruby & Yang's dad is up to than the fanon-consensus fall vault guard angle, though I do wonder about, say: Oz having the crown stashed somewhere outside said vault so whomever else is in on this could play keep-away with it. Of course that has no shortage of logistical drawbacks, though Raven sort of rejoining the fold does open up handy rapid-evac options so long as Salem doesn't catch her directly. Still, the 'dragon dad has totes noble rational Reasons, not that deep' conclusion does seem damn simplistic.

tbh i think the fanon presumption that tai MUST be guarding the crown is equal parts

1. the fandom completely failing to engage seriously with the (very obvious by now) factor of summer rose being alive – by which i mean, a huge swath of the fandom has grokked she’s still around in some capacity and treats this as little more than a trivial detail meant to twist the knife for ruby (and to a lesser extent, yang) in a shocking way, rather than, you know, the load-bearing pillar it clearly is in this given how her fate has been one of the central narrative questions since the beginning. which is to say that i think a lot of people are just brushing past the possibility that tai’s absence in vacuo is directly related to summer being at beacon, because they’ve either not added two and two to figure out where she is or they have but don’t consider that to be salient to the question of tai’s motives.

and

2. kneejerk backlash to the cyclical tai parenting discourse, with people who read him as a decent-to-good father getting defensive in reaction to the discussions that circulated after B4 revealed that his whereabouts are more or less unknown. it does in fact look Really Bad for tai to not be in vacuo for unclear reasons! which is why the subset of fans who read him as a good parent were predisposed to assume that he has a justifiable, crucial reason to stay in vale, namely guarding the crown. and then any other speculation on the subject of why he isn’t in vacuo was instantly conflated with the tai-is-neglectful reading and thence dismissed out of hand as "character bashing."

eyeroll. the point being, i think this defensive reflex toward tai resulted in a lot of people circling the wagons around the first snap assumption they made even though tai guarding the crown doesn’t make a whole lot of sense even if one accepts the fanon presupposition that he’s The Best Dad.

because he quit working for ozpin after summer disappeared (and to judge by the 9.10 flashback, didn’t have much respect for oz before that!) – we know this because,

it’s a notable enough change for ruby to comment on it when tai starts going on missions again; he’s been off active huntsman duty for over a decade, meaning he wasn’t taking any assignments from oz during this time (which is a point in his favor re: the question of his parenting and i think it’s really funny that people in the “good dad” camp were the loudest voices pointing out that tai clearly wants nothing to do with ozpin right up until the boba incident)

ruby and yang had no idea that ozpin had any particular connection to their family beyond having been headmaster when their parents were in school; they didn’t even know that qrow worked for him. tai kept him so much at arms length that he was just a random public figure to the girls.

tai is explicitly not involved in glynda’s effort to reclaim beacon, nor do port and oobleck seem to have any expectation that he should or will be once yang is back on her feet. they’re his friends, but there is zero professional or collegial relationship.

and frankly after tai watched his team implode and lost not one but two of his loves at least indirectly because of ozpin, why in hell would he want anything to do with that man ever again? did we forget him seething at qrow in v3? did we forget how palpably he wanted to just smack ozpin in IQ? hello?? if we’re starting from “tai is a loving dad who would move mountains for his kids” then i simply do not believe he’d stay in vale while qrow led ruby to round two with salem just because that’s what ozpin’s “in case i die” plan said he should do. like that’s flat nonsense.

the only way i could even consider that as a possibility with any seriousness is if i were convinced that tai straight up just Didn’t Care That Much about his kids, because that kind of coldly pragmatic decision-making—i’ll let my teenage children fight on the front lines while i putter around home keeping an eye on things for a dead man, because the crown is the most important thing—does not track with a man who gives a shit about his kids.

but i think tai does in fact care a lot about his kids, however dysfunctional the family relations may be, so like

the explanation that makes the most sense to me is that he figured out summer was alive and with salem in some capacity sometime in v2-3 and he’s been torn between the two sides of his family ever since. does he go after ruby or does he try to save summer? <- isn’t that a lot more balanced. a lot more understandable. potentially a lot more sympathetic, depending upon exactly what the circumstances are and how much he’s learned. for him to be Just Some Guy having to choose between His Kids and His Wife?

like?? i firmly believe that if the good-parent-tai crowd hadn’t immediately dismissed every other theory besides dragon-guarding-the-crown as hysterical character bashing then within a few weeks at most someone in that camp would’ve remembered that tai fucking hates ozpin and they would’ve eventually landed on “oh. duh. he’s staying in vale for summer” – because it is both obvious and casts him into a much more tragic, sympathetic light versus the stiff upper lip sorry kids it’s for the greater good crown guard angle.

[flummoxx]

Saïx’s final fight in the kh2 manga - a quick character analysis

(spoilers for kh2, 358/2 days, and kh3)

[ I wrote this 4-ish months ago but my writing has improved a lot within that time so please ignore any spelling errors or grammar mistakes ]

Setting The Stage: As Sora and his friends make their way through the Castle That Never Was, he comes across Saïx and Luxord, both prepared to fight them. Before Sora can prepare for battle, Luxord traps his friends (Donald, Goofy, Riku, and Kairi) each in their own cards.

At first, the battle precedes how you would expect. Luxord challenges Sora to a card game in order to bring his friends back: Sora is reasonably upset at him and determined to win the fight, while Luxord may or may not be cheating. Saïx stands to the side watching this unfold.

Saïx Takes Over: In the middle of Luxord and Sora’s battle, Saïx breaks all of the cards in half, right in front of Sora’s eyes. When Luxord protests, Saïx threatens him with the same fate and he backs down.

As Sora stands there frozen in shock, Saïx takes this chance to get in the first couple of hits; knocking Sora to the ground. As Sora gets up, tears roll down his face, believing that all of his friends have died. When Sora finally gets the chance to hit him, he knocks Saïx back pretty far. This causes Luxord to call out his name and Saïx replies with, “I don't need your help.” As he enters his berserk state, the manga shows us a flashback to 358/2 days during the Roxas and Saïx battle.

With the usage of this particular flashback, it's clear that Saïx views Sora as Roxas, explaining his cruel actions here. By fighting Sora he's able to get payback for their battle in days; he's able to finally destroy Roxas, and to make him pay for everything Saïx believes him responsible for. Saïx prevented Luxord from helping him because this battle is something Saïx wants all to himself. He won't tolerate any interference. He’s waited long enough.

As Sora finds himself on the ground again, Saïx asks him some Important questions. He begins with, “You're still standing..? Why do you fight?” he then adds, “Your friends are gone. You have nothing left to protect.” Lastly, Saïx questions, “What point is there in fighting alone?”

I find all of these questions crucial to understanding Saïx’s actions in this fight.

Saïx thought that by making Sora believe all of his friends were dead, he would lose all motivation to keep going. He would lose his purpose. Sound familiar?

Fast forwarding to kh3, Saïx admits to losing all sense of purpose when Axel made friends with Xion and Roxas; leaving him and Subject X in the dust. Feeling that if Axel didn't need him anymore he no longer held any meaning. However, I don't think that was the only reason as to why he lost his purpose. Going back to kh2, Axel died as a sacrifice to protect Sora, leaving Saïx alone in the organization. During this time, most Nobodies were not aware they would come back recompleted after they faded away, so Saïx had no idea that Axel would return. I believe Axel’s death was the final push for Saïx to completely lose his purpose and revolve all his actions going forward around revenge and jealousy. When Sora continued to fight despite the loss of his friends, Saïx became confused as to why he would want to go on when he had nothing left to protect. 

Sora’s Victory: Sora tells Saïx that he still fights; that he continues to press on, because he knows that his heart is connected to his friends, even if they're not physically alongside him. Saïx doesn't understand this himself until much later in the series. (Mentioned in his character files, “If I could just connect to others’ hearts, that would be enough.”) With a final blow filled with determination, Sora finally defeats Saïx.

As Saïx begins to disappear, he looks to kingdom hearts above him and wonders where his heart is. He fades away alone with no one to support his fall. (If you're worried about Sora's friends, they're doing just fine. Luxord had kept the real cards that held Sora's friends in his pocket. The ones Saïx destroyed weren't the real thing. I'm assuming Saïx knew this but It made no difference as long as Sora believed they were dead. Jiminy Cricket was able to release them from the cards safely while Sora fought Saïx.)

[zeravmeta]

you know for the longest time I've been of the opinion that the rhine labs trio dynamic is a parallel to the dynamic that doctor-kaltsit-amiya have and honestly this event is giving me more to play with

because like. saria is The Boss. like she is very much The Guy that everyone in rhine labs looked up to (and even still look up to) that could handle basically anything. rhine labs was the dream that kristen and saria made together, where even as further and further conspiracy and questionable experimentation took it over, people still trusted her. and thats so reminiscent of babel, the dream that theresa and doctor shared and the eventual fate of that, with one (saria and doctor) so clearly just supporting the other (kristen and theresa) because they cared about them. Saria always had a strong moral center, but years of having to slowly look the other way and cover up more and more made her numb to that sort of thing, up until the breaking point with ifrit, which has left her with so much guilt she literally Cant do anything except atone. Much in the same way, doctor was once just a medical practitioner who had to step up and fill in the diminishing ranks up until they turned out to be very good at war, from which they sacrificed more and more of their humanity until they were a cold machine of war, with post amnesia doc living with that sword of damocles always hanging over them that they'll eventually have to answer for their past selves' sins. it's this particular wrinkle that contextualizes sarias own relationship with doctor, because she can so clearly see herself in them and yet, much in the same way she has to stop kristen, she Would step to stop doctor if they ever became the same way again.

silence and kaltsit also have an interesting parallel in this aspect, as both have a very specific strained relationship with saria/doctor due to what they caused. notably, both of them looked up to saria/doctor, but were left feeling betrayed after seeing just how much they were willing to justify for their goals. the key difference with them here is that kaltsit being an immortal left her taking action and planning for literal centuries on how to fix all these problems, whereas silence is basically on day 1 working to dismantle and reform rhine labs. they also fundamentally share the same types of feelings to saria/doctor, where that, while there isnt only loathing and resentment, a whole bunch of their interactions are indeed colored by that feeling, and that even if the other truly is working to right their wrongs, that doesnt mean that those feelings of bitterness just dissappear, and justifiably so.

ifrit and amiya may not seem like complementary characters at first but in fact I would argue that due to sharing Hypergryphs Favorite Character Archetype (the girl who will end it all) they actually overlap significantly, but they just have one key difference: ifrit didn't have to grow up quickly the same way amiya did. the point of silence and sarias intervention is that ifrit was not forced to take up the mantle the same way amiya did, and a lot of their respective dynamics hinges on how they treat ifrit/amiya: ifrit is very specifically protected by saria and silence, both of them willing to completely drop their history for her sake, while doctor and kaltsit, while protective, are also subservient to amiya. the two might be the adults in the room, but its amiyas goals that they are supporting and amiyas dream that they are fighting for. they even both have the same type of relationships with their caretakers: even though saria/doctor did wrong them, they still heavily admire and look up to them, with silence/kaltsit being someone they also deeply cherish but are more willing to push back against.

you can even extend these parallels to the idealism that both trios drew from their true leaders: kristen and theresa. in a weird way, these two characters share the trait of genuinely and unconditionally loving their "other half" (saria and doctor) but are so committed to their dreams that it inadvertently destroyed their other half. Kristen was perfectly fine committing atrocities for her dream, even if she was willing to take every detour if it meant that saria would stand alongside her again and support her, while theresa, even though she hated war, was perfectly willing to let doctor become a war machine to win more and more of their harsh battles (a trait thats also passed along to amiya).

the real difference is that kristen's dream was always for herself, while theresa's dream was for everyone else, and the fallout of that is drastically different: kristen burned her bridges for her dream, while theresa's death completely shattered hers. saria, silence, everyone in rhine was betrayed by kristen, whereas thereas death splintered the organization and left so many mourning.

they're all a sort of twist on each other in that way. saria is a doctor who never spiralled into the war machine that pre amnesia doctor was, silence is a kaltsit without the agency or control that she has, and ifrit is an amiya who never had to grow up as quickly.

what makes it so good to me too is that the rhine trio isnt a dark reflection of the rhodes trio, it's the opposite.

true reconciliation between saria and silence *is* possible, and very well the path that they're headed in. for everything that happened, they are working together and slowly rebuilding that trust because they've already had their reckoning. with doctor and kaltsit, there's simply too much history and (justified) loathing on kaltsits part for their past relationship to ever be truly salvaged, even moreso because both of them are willing to follow amiya to the depths of hell for her dream, while saria and silence would die if it meant that ifrit would never have to pick up a weapon again.

maybe one day, if doctor does get their memories back, and true closure can be achieved in that shared history, they might be able to salvage their relationship, but as it stands theres still too much to answer for.

[figcookie01]

some queer and misc. analysis of trish una

im not sure if everyone saw my addition on this post here proposing the theory that bucciarati is a "parental" character in a non-traditional and queer sense, but i wanted to continue that discussion by talking about trish now.. since to me, she has what could be described as araki's first attempt at a true character arc for a female character, who simultaneously has elements that read like queer self-actualization that we watch unfold throughout the story.

for the purposes of this analysis, what is important to recognize about trish's introduction is how she is figuratively (team bucciaratis mission to protect her will get them closer to giorno/bucciaratis goals) and literally (his only known relative and identifiable factor at the start) linked to her father; she loses her mother (loving supportive family), is thrust into a horrifying world out to harm her for factors beyond her control, and is expected to blindly trust her father and by extension his men assigned to protect her. its no wonder she is so guarded, but my point here is how this establishes trish as starting off vulnerable and uncertain of the world she's inadvertently embroiled in beyond her safe upbringing with her mother.

nevertheless, trish is repeatedly described as having the willpower to figure these things out for her own sake, and a tenacity for these frightening events (la squadra's attacks) beyond that on the average person. both giorno and abbacchio mention it at different points (although abbacchios line is changed to narancias in the anime).

perhaps the most notable early example of her gumption is what she first says at the end of the grateful dead/beach boy fight. although bucciarati is not at liberty to answer her questions about both why she is being attacked, and also what the truth about these strange powers are.

however, id argue this is in line with what has been previously established for bucciarati's character to say; that it is up to trish herself to determine what these things mean, especially if they are related to her intrinsic identity.

this continues once they arrive in venice at the church, where we get to see trish's human vulnerability and fear. something i find particularly interesting is that, above all else, she is afraid of the uncertainty about what her father will be like and her personal fate.

this was one of the original things i wanted to talk about under a queer reading; for a queer person to come out to their family, there sometimes may be a concern about alienation of self. that is, coming out may, figuratively and literally, feel like you are revealing an entire side or life you live that they know nothing about. it may be about seeking approval from those who are, in many cases, a major part of life and your upbringing; she wants this week from hell to be over so she can return to some semblance of normalcy as herself, and her father is her only hope for this then.

something of particular note that bucciarati responds with is the probability that she will be given an entire new identity and forced to uproot even further, separated in even her most fundamental identity from the life she once led for the sake of her fathers comfort. even before the horrific reception her father gives her, trishs chances of being accepted as she is and loved are poor, a matter that might be incredibly common for people who try to express who they really are to unwelcoming families.

in trishs case, diavolo has literally never met her at all in any capacity, nor was he present in her upbringing; there is an extra factor of blind faith she must put into him. but he is the only biological "family" shes got; we will talk about nontraditional families and team bucciarati in a moment.

for this reason, bucciarati assures her (whether it is of his own doomed naivety or something else entirely) that a family will love you no matter what, because thats what they do. its a value that, up until that next moment, was something he himself had complete faith in.

as the rest of this arc shows though, that wasnt the case for trish, and never would be.

the events at san giorgio are the turning point for the entirety of vento aureo, with trish at the center of it all. and while this analysis is focused on trish, i wanted to include how it is also an earth-shattering moment for bucciarati, now faced with the culminating reality that the boss never gave a shit about family in the first place, and was only after his selfish desire to be unknowable. his attempted murder of his innocent civilian daughter invokes, to me, the needless cruelty some unaccepting families may have towards their children upon coming out or other realization that their child is both related to them, but not in a way they deem acceptable.

while it is laid out rather straightforwardly, this needless cruelty from biological family is relatable enough to change narancias mind and follow bucciarati after he betrays the gang; cementing once more that the only bonds of trust these characters have are with one another, since not even their biological families will care for them, let alone society.

at the restaurant in venice, narancia is still fearful about how trish will receive this absolute rejection, but her reception is surprisingly determined.

in the past, ive seen this scene used as the real point where trish as a female character finally comes into her own as a person, but as we previously established, she really had it in her all along, and it was only put to the test then (more on her innate courage in a moment).

trish, like the rest of team bucciarati, has no choice but to persist as she is, to exist as her own person even if all the odds are against her. not only this, but she tentatively decides to join in bucciaratis cause, a move that she explains as just to find her own origins or die trying. at this point, her motive might be concerned only with herself, but throughout the notorious BIG fight, that matter changes.

aboard the plane to sardinia, trish grapples with the willingness of team bucciarati to pursue diavolo, even after they no longer are required to protect her. i would say this is when she begins to feel comradery with the team and their cause to exist boldly in the face of someone all-powerful (diavolo) who wishes they were dead, rather than just being someone or something reduced to a secondary role (although how shes treated after this fight is another story...)

the moment trish realizes that she alone can save giorno (and therefore, the entirety of the team), she is struck with the final dilemma of whether or not she wants to get involved with all of these things on the front lines. she decides she does, without being fully conscious of it, because of the courage now awakened and manifested in-full as her stand, spice girl.

spice girl is unique as a stand for being one of the few that seems to have her own consciousness, although it really is a part of trishs consciousness that was always a part of her, now fully realized in literal, physical form.

the courage required for her stand to now fully manifest was in her all along, and under a queer lens this could be likened to a person now being able to live authentically as they are, the incongruity mostly solved now that she has grown as a person and has a (support) group/system of those who have had similar experiences.

notorious BIG concludes with trish delivering her own beatdown and saving all of the team, seeming to fully cement her as a force to be reckoned with within the jojo universe and her nuanced personhood that had been building this entire time.

all this in mind, this isnt to say that trish's character doesnt feel stunted by araki after this point, for no other reason than misogyny. her destruction rank-A level stand and fighting prowess is forgotten after they arrive in sardinia, and during the green day/oasis fight she is conveniently relegated to the caretaker position for narancia, even if giorno is the "healer" and her own stand stronger than his in combat. i would argue the biggest injustice towards trish as a fully fledged character was the enforcement of these stereotypically feminine roles on a character who, as weve just discussed, has learned to be confident, courageous, and unapologetically herself throughout the entirety of vento aureo.

when i first set out to write this post, i was concerned with talking about trish from an almost entirely queer angle. it evolved, then, into something much more full-bodied, with that being simply one lens you can apply to her character arc.

id love to discuss these things (and the stuff in my bucciarati analysis) at greater lengths, and also want to say that despite writing this over a period of time, i may have messed up my wording or made points that seem like reaches... none of this is meant to speak for the experiences of any real person, and are rather generalizations. i hope that regardless of these things, more people can see vento aureo for the narrative value i really think it has, especially to the queer fanbase who, including myself, may relate heavily to the subtextual experiences depicted.

special thanks to @fur-bee for going through this with me and giving me key insights and for my other friends to proofread and such :D

[thebrokengate]

The Record of Stan Frederick: A Study of Amendments

This is an analysis that is long overdue. If there’s anyone in the world that could tell you how much I love The Record of Stan Frederick, it’s my best friend whose ear I’ve talked off endlessly about it, and they would probably tell you that Amendments is not only my favorite episode of the series, but also that it’s my favorite Slenderverse video of all time. If anyone who hasn’t experienced the Slenderverse asked me to show them one video from it that would paint them a picture of what the spirit of this universe is all about, this is the one I would point them to, because its characters, story, and editing encapsulate everything that I’ve loved about the Slenderverse for years all in one episode. I believe that Amendments is not only just a brilliantly made episode among many others in The Record of Stan Frederick, but it is also crucial to our understanding of the narrative, of what both separates and brings together our primary protagonist and antagonist, how the events of each character’s lives and how they felt about them affected their choices, and how the overall story of this series promotes the cautionary tale of not letting yourself fall into perpetuating the cycle of violence.

This is a case study of Amendments.

In the context of The Record of Stan Frederick, the dictionary meaning of the episode’s title would be defined as “a change made by correction, addition, or deletion” as our protagonist Stan Frederick’s goal in this particular video is to correct his error of putting off stopping his ex-partner in crime, Connor Dwight, from hurting the people around Stan when he had known how to stop Connor for at least a year. Stan put everyone else’s monsters ahead of his own, which only led to further destruction that could have been avoided—yet another huge mistake that cost him greatly. With his metaphorical will to live gone when he lost Willow, a child Stan was trying to help who was being hunted by the monsters known as Seedeaters, who manipulated her sister Dana to give her over to them—an event that Connor had a hand in tricking Stan over after being given Willow’s death prophecy by another monster known as the Rake, in which Connor proceeded to give Stan a warning ahead of time that other characters they knew could be the next to die, but never gave Willow’s name as an option—Stan finally worked up the nerve to take care of him once and for all.

Stan returns to his childhood home years after the loss of his little brother Erik and his parents, the place still as empty as it was then, save for the monster who took them all, standing at the top of the stairs waiting for him like it had never left. The Slenderman, as we know him, a monster who Stan used to fear so much and once gave into survival to appease it, and now Stan needs its help. It’s such a cruel twist of fate when he had taken everything from Stan in the past, and he has to question it: Can the monster feel emotions like pain or fear, and do the things that it does mean anything in relation to what it is? The reality of this question is to wonder if this faceless being who never speaks its mind has any level of consciousness humans can understand. Is it just a monster meant to prey on people like an animal for its own survival? Is it meant to play games with the mind until its victims are broken and nothing more? Is it something so far removed from us? Or is it like us at all, able to understand the horrors it puts humanity through, but does it anyway? Could it ever have felt the pain that Stan felt every time it took someone from him, and could it have ever understood him? But they’re questions that never come with an answer. It does what it does and that’s all we know.

But there is one other thing that Stan knows: how to please it. He makes a deal with Slenderman, not a far cry from making a deal with the Devil, that if he would make Connor human again so that he can be killed, Stan would let Slenderman take him in return. Turning the corner up the stairs, Stan finds that Slenderman has disappeared at the request, and at first believes that this was a denial of the offer on the monster’s part, only to look back down the stairs and see him now at the bottom instead. The deal Stan made effectively reversed their roles where Slenderman went from being both literally and metaphorically above him to being below him, showing that Stan now is the one who has control over the monster, it doing his bidding instead of the other way around—a relatively uncommon thing for a protagonist of the Slenderverse to make happen. This is one of the many things that makes The Record of Stan Frederick unique in general, because the story is told from the perspective of someone who has already been through this and knows the monster’s behavioral patterns instead of someone who has never had these experiences before.

With his deal accepted by the monster, Stan enters his old bedroom with only his camera that he sets up on the windowsill, and Connor’s gun. For a moment as he loads the gun, he thinks back on the last conversation he had with his brother Erik the day Slenderman took him, a memory that we as the audience also hear, before putting the gun to his head which lures Connor out. The trigger is pulled and despite the gun being loaded, no bullet comes out, because Stan isn’t allowed to die. The Rake still owes him for having given Connor to him years ago, and Connor can’t kill him because he’s under the Rake’s protection. Similarly, Connor can’t be killed in his current form as what’s known as a corruptelam—an echo of a person much like that of a ghost that can be left behind when a monster consumes a human. So with the two of them now standing face to face, both unable to be killed by the other, they’re finally at a stalemate. This is also reflected in the framing of the scene in which neither character stands above or below the other, showing that they are currently equals, unlike before for example in the episode People where Connor stands over Stan and Serena after fighting them off.

This is when Stan tries to appeal to Connor’s emotions, asking him if he remembers when they first met and saying that he knows Connor forgot a lot of things. It’s unspecified just how much Connor did forget as the type of corruptelams Stan had described the Rake leaving behind being echoes of the body rather than the mind, the type which Connor is, but we do know that day was one of the things he seems to have forgotten. Stan reminds him that they were once just kids in the foster system, both afraid of the same monster and the only ones who seemed to have been followed by it, which is when they clicked. And interestingly enough, for a second, Connor almost seems… sad. He bows his head and stares at the floor, and Stan mirrors the same position. Mirroring someone’s behavior in psychology is often a sign of empathy, giving the other person a non-verbal sign of connection and understanding, and it’s often something subconsciously done in our every day social environments. It shows that both of them are in sync, engaged in the same discussion and nostalgia of the past they endured together.

Stan didn’t know anything about Connor back then, certainly not what he was capable of becoming, but he knew even less about what he himself would become and what they would become together. Fear drove them both to survival, as equally guilty in what they did as they are in their equal inability to die. It’s what they both wanted at one point, to be able to live without that fear. To want to survive is human; when we’re faced with death, most of us will do anything to stop it, just as they did. But sometimes we go about it in a way that brings harm to others. Sometimes we become selfish creatures and throw others to the weeds if it means we’ll get a good night’s sleep. The truth is, the only thing that makes Stan better than Connor here is the fact that he woke up one day and realized he didn’t want to live that way anymore, to hurt others to keep himself safe. They’ve both been victims and they’ve both been perpetrators, but only Stan broke that cycle.

Stan then lifts the gun and points it at Connor, who reminds him that Stan can’t kill him. Stan replies that he knows because Connor is a corruptelam, the phenomena which he had named himself, to which Connor points out that he finds this whole situation embarrassing. This moment and the moment before are so surprisingly human, taking a step back and looking at the portrayal of Connor’s character up until this point as an otherwise threatening and intimidating figure. But, being completely unphased by the gun, Stan wonders if Connor had forgotten that, too—how to be scared, knowing now that he can’t be killed as a corruptelam and feeling that nothing bad would ever happen to him again because he’s something stronger than a human now. This conversation perfectly mirrors Stan’s earlier questions to Slenderman of if he can feel emotions and if the awful things he does have any purpose relative to his being, because Connor has truly become their own monster: perpetuating the cycle of violence, taking what he can from Stan to hurt him, and now unable to die. He’s forgotten the times that he used to lie awake in bed every night, terrified that their monster would come back again and harm him, and that’s something he outright tells Stan. “You move on. You make it better for yourself. You forget!” he argues. “No, you don’t! You don’t forget that,” Stan responds. “I certainly don’t. I forgot a lot… But I would never fucking forget that.” 

To remember our fears, in Stan’s eyes, is what keeps us human. It’s what reminds us that other people in our own personal situations have the same feelings as us, and makes us ask what right we have to make them suffer while we find peace. What makes us our monsters is not the hardships we face, but the hell we choose to make others go through to feel better about ourselves, and we have to be careful not to cross that line. We are all as capable of continuing the cycles of torment we experience as we are capable of breaking them, and Connor unfortunately never did.

It’s at this point that Stan allows Slenderman to complete his request, to turn back the clock and make Connor human again. Connor falls to his knees before his monster and screams as Slenderman does this, remaining on his knees even when it’s over and Stan points his gun at the back of Connor’s head. This scene shows that their stalemate has finally been broken with Stan now being above Connor rather than on equal ground with him. Connor begins to make one final plea for his life, but Stan cuts him off by shooting him, ending his life for real this time. Blood covers the screen, hiding Stan’s face from view as he too falls to his knees, now becoming his monster himself. We can no longer see his expressions beyond the blood, we don’t know his exact thoughts, if he feels better for taking Connor out of the world so he can’t hurt anyone else, or if he feels more grief for having to take his life with his own hands this time around—having also been stated in one of the book excerpts to have hated himself for giving Connor over to the Rake originally—or if he’s feeling some strange mixture of both. We don’t know what his emotions are toward that action in that moment, just as we don’t know what Slenderman’s emotions may be when he hurts people, if he even has any at all. There’s only emptiness left in the silent room that we as the audience feel, until Stan leaves Connor’s body behind for the Rake to find and goes back downstairs to accept his fate in giving himself over to Slenderman, completing their arranged deal.

Except he doesn’t.

As Slenderman tries to take him, Stan talks back, explaining how Slenderman used to be so huge and terrifying to him as a kid, and how he took everything from him. He asks the monster then if he really thought that Stan was going to let him take him too before using the same gun he had just killed Connor with to shoot himself, finally able to die as he was no longer in the Rake’s good graces. A body for a body. And not to get all David Kushner’s Daylight here, but that gun, too, is a metaphor for how Stan and Connor drinking poison from the same vine of survival led them both to their deaths. It was Connor who owned the gun first, the person who also initially suggested the idea of sacrificing other kids to their monster in return for their own peace, which Stan agreed to. The blood from the same deal they made was always on both of their hands, but Connor choosing to share that poison with Stan made Stan his own undoing from the beginning as he would always be the one to stop Connor. The awful truth is, if not for Stan, Connor’s way of surviving may have been proven to always work. It’s a horrible way to go, but no one else ever brought him down. If Connor truly wanted to survive in that way, picking Stan as his survival partner was the wrong move, unbeknownst to him at the start. The gun is a symbolic reflection in this scenario of Stan’s original plans when he had initially accepted Connor’s proposal of harvesting—that he was going to poison his and Connor’s cups of coffee which would kill them both, stopping Connor from going through with perpetuating the cycle of violence and ending his own life because he never stopped feeling guilt and grief from losing his brother to Slenderman.

The narrative actively punishes Stan whenever he chooses to live, and fate seems to scream that he has always been meant to die that day with Connor before they could ever do any of the horrible things they did together. Whether that be the time he handed Connor off to the Rake and got to live again only to be stuck trying to make up for their mistakes, or this time in Amendments when Stan returns as a corruptelam for one last try at making something of his life and he loses the last of the people that he loved, it’s always a punishment that he doesn’t die. He committed unforgivable sins that he could find no redemption for unless it was to choose death, and there was never another option to redeem him. The tragedy of The Record of Stan Frederick is like something out of a Shakespearian play, that there is no atonement and no end to Stan’s suffering unless he dies when all he wanted to do before was get out alive—just as his favorite song said. Amendments perfectly conveys the message of this story like no other, that becoming your own monster can only lead you down two paths: one of a never-ending cycle of hurting others to feel better about yourself, or one of never-ending regret. There’s no hope in that cycle. But there is hope in reaching out to others for help when you need it, and that is part of the message, too. After all, it’s Stan who tells his support group in the episode titled Support Group that they have each other and tells them how important that connection is. The support of those going through the same troubles as us is meant to lift us up, to help us survive together in a positive way, not to abuse and exploit it as Stan and Connor once did. It’s up to all of us to decide which path we’ll choose, and it’s up to us alone to accept the responsibility of those actions—just as Stan finally did.

[ofoceansandtombsanew]

Can I ask, if you have top favorite romantic couples (can be canon or non canon) of all time from any media? Why love them? Thx :D

... now this, took a minute to answer in some ways. There a lot of ships I like, so this was really easy and hard to answer at the same time. Some ships it was an immediate yep yep and others I had to go '... but is it a fav of all time, though?" But I think I got it narrowed down.

So here we go, fav ships of all time from any media, no particular order. I didn't get any specific no. to do so I'll just list a handful until I can't think of any others. (Anyone who comes across this that sees a ship on here you don't like and feels the need to say something about it, stay in your lane this ain't about your opinions it's about mine.)

The main FMA ships

Arakawa Hiromu, nigga, you cooked. Imma just put the FMA ships as one and leave it there because if I do it separately, we'll be here all day. But if you wanna see me diving into why I like these ships in a manic ramble, here's a post I made on that here. The romance in FMA is literally a category and a discussion all on its own that I can go about on for hours. FMA has the best romances in shounen so anyone who has consumed FMA will know what I'm talking about. Like, whenever anyone tries to use a manga being 'shounen' to justify shitty romantic writing, I point at FMA's brilliant riding. An animanga's demographic is not an excuse for terrible executions in romance. EdWin, RoyAi, LingFan, AlMei and all the side ships drank and left no molecules.

NaruSaku

Toxic shippers, again, stay in your lane, I don't feel like dealing with y'all any day. I have been shipping this shit for years, always have, always will. Ignore the fact I ship Sakura with literally everyone from the Akatsuki to Hinata to Sai to Shikamaru. (Y'all I used to look up Kisame/Sakura fics, unironically TAT). (Same for Naruto honestly, I've shipped him with Sasuke, Ino, Temari, Tenten, the list goes on and on.) The way Sakura goes from finding Naruto annoying to almost dying multiple times to keep him safe, I will never EVER be over that. Naruto's love going from puppy to something as passionately red as the thread of fate itself. The MinaKushi parallels. I have a lot (and I mean a lot) of ships in Naruto pertaining to these two, but NaruSaku is my absolute favorite. Like it was literally confirmed that Sakura got over Sasuke and then it got retconned for some bullshit. Saying it with my whole chest, argue with a wall, it should have been them. I won't dog any other ships, but yeah, it should have been them. 699 chapters of Naruto being in love with one woman, I sing the praises everyday.

SakuHina

Hinata's prince charming is literally Sakura. I have a whole ass fic I am slowly, painstakingly writing about what Naruto would have been like if Hinata had a crush on Sakura the whole time. I just think they're really cute together, have amazing chemistry and balance each other out. I didn't expect to like SakuHina as much as I did but here we are.

Kyoru

I mentioned it before in another answered ask but Fruits Basket was my first manga (if you're curious what my first anime was, it was Yu Yu Hakusho) and Kyoru was probably my first OTP. There are two characters I think upon so many rewatches and rereads that were prime game for who Kyo and Tohru could have ended up with had things been different (which, I do really ship as well. Multishipper here guys) but I'm not mad about the endgames that we got. From start to finish, Kyo and Tohru's relationship is beautiful and you can feel how strongly they feel for one another. It's like, wow, Takaya really gave us one of the best ships in shoujo and didn't even apologize for it.

Klance

Red + Blue = True. They had chemistry, supplemented for what the other lacked and we really don't need to have me diving into the bs that was VLD. That show wasn't even out long, my god, it was a mess.

NeuviFuri

Should I explain to you the romanticism of Hydro x Hydro? Oof how I love them. A Genshin ship after my own heart, truly. But if anyone is trying to against MiHoyoverse (I was here from the Mihoyo days, leave me alone) in terms of seeing who ships NeuviFuri more, we all lose. They literally paid people to do an ice dancing program in NeuviFuri cosplay, paid a guy to make a companion piece to Furina's song from Neuvillette's perspective and several other animations concerning their relationship in some way. But the Mihoyoverse shenanigans aside, it's the build up of 400+ years of working together, the care they still have for one another and yes the complementary abilities and color palettes. Not enough time in the day to talk about them, I don't think.

AriDante

Almost thought I wouldn't have a gif for them, then I remembered THEY GOT A MOVIE. Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe is one of my favorite books in the world. I have reread it once a year religiously since 2017 when I first discovered it. This is such a beautiful novel and relationship and if you haven't had the pleasure of reading it or the sequel, please do yourself a favor and buy it or rent it from your local library. It's just, the way Ari has been in love with Dante for so long and didn't even realize it but it's so, so clear to the reader because of just how he talks and describes him? I don't even want to go to deep into this one just in case there's someone here that hasn't read this book because it deserves to be read and experienced blind. Just, just please y'all read it.

[spicerackofblorbos]

Chapter 3: January

☾ Pairings ➼ Levi Ackerman x fem!mute!Reader (she/her pronouns), set in a modern semi-fictional world

☾ Summary ➼ Due to childhood trauma, you find yourself an adult without the ability to speak. After years of working on it, you have found ways to live without a voice. Now here in your late 20s, you are 5 months in getting used to a new town. On a fateful day in late November, you and your adopted sister visit a local bookstore-café, unaware of the friendships about to blossom. Throughout the months, one friendship in particular develops into something more.

☾ Content/Warnings ➼ fluff, slowburn, oblivious feelings, angst, mention of minor character deaths, trauma, illness, adoption, mentions of fire, disabilities, alcohol use, very light nsfw mentions, references to child abuse (to be continued as writing is ongoing)

☾ Author's note ➼ Hey guys! I'm so proud of myself for getting this out before the end of January hehe. I hope you enjoy!

☾ Word Count ➼ ~7.5k

January, you thought, had to be one of the most depressing months out of the twelve. It’s cold, dreary, and full of post-holiday blues. The gloom that came with those blues was only intensified by the immediate and prominent holiday of “Remembrance Day”, a cultural holiday created to celebrate and mourn those who have long passed.  

‘I don’t know why we can’t just stay home and celebrate privately like we usually do. It might be crowded.’ You sign outwardly to your sister as she drives, making sure to go slow so she can see through intermittent glances. You stare out ahead as the snowy landscape zooms past. The late afternoon sun glints off the fresh snow, blinding you as the light refracts off the crystals.  

When you were younger, this annual holiday was something you used to ignore. Even at a young age, you were aware of the situation you were forced into. You lost everything and then were thrust right into the foster care system, tossed in with families who didn’t want you. You had to do it all alone and because of that, you never learned how to grieve properly. It wasn’t until Hange’s family, your family, took you in that you were taught how to deal with your past and the residual effects that came with it.  

Hange tuts at you as they turn a sharp corner.  

“Hey, you’re the one who said you’d be okay with it this year. And besides, maybe this town is full of early morning mourners. The temple could be all ours.” They speculate aloud, wiggling their eyebrows at you. It just prompts a signature eyeroll, and you stare back out the window. The residential homes turn into office buildings as the two of you make it closer to the designated temple in town. It’s not much longer until they turn down a gravel road, pebbles and snow crunching under the heavy wheels. 

Busy is an understatement. Due to the small nature of the town, only one temple exists, and it sits in the middle of the local cemetery.  When your sister pulls into a dirt parking lot, you notice the multitude of cars already vacant of people who are milling around the grounds. A bubble of anxiety threatens to rise in you, but you swallow it down. You and Hange step out of the car and are met with a brisk wind; It makes all the air in your lungs escape from shock. When you take deep breaths to calm your heart down, puffs of hot steam billow out from your mouth. Hange locks the car behind them and turns to you with their hand out.  

“Well, c’mon, my little berry. Those votives aren’t going to light themselves.”  

You take her hand without hesitation and you both set forth up the hill. You are at a loss for words because of how stunning your surroundings are. Leafless trees remain stoic and strong under a layer of snow. They pepper around the ample lot, giving off shadows of tree branches everywhere. Up a dirt path rests a sizable temple with a dark blue exterior and a wrapping porch around the building that offer various access points to the inside. On the edges of the dirt path lie smaller stone paths leading to rows and columns of personal gravesites for the residents of Jinae. The winter sun beams down between fluffy clouds, warming up the air as the day goes on. It was melancholic in a way that fit the day of Remembrance perfectly.   

Fortunately for you, most of the crowd was at their family stones, so the trek up to the temple took little to no time at all. This is where the designated altar is set for those who wish to pay their respects but had no tombstone to do so at. It’s the first time since your teen years that you've prayed outside of your home. When the Zoë’s took you in, they explained many of the traditions to you that you were in the dark about due to your lackluster upbringing. Remembrance Day was one of those and on paper it sounded great, until they took you out to the temple the following January and you had flipped out from the candles. You were a little better about it nowadays, but you requested shrines at home with electronic votives from then on.   

After stepping through the open doorway, you note only a handful of people lingering at the altar, lighting green candles and bowing their heads in prayer. You avert your gaze quickly from the bright flames, looking anywhere else. It was relatively quiet, bar for a few whispers here and there. You and Hange step in line behind an older couple, who are now turning towards you to leave. Tears streak down their faces as they head in the direction of the doors behind you. You bow to them in respect, as they do to you in return. The two of you step up onto the ledge and Hange takes the match sticks from the table. She gingerly holds out a stick for you to take as she regards you carefully. 

“Did you want to try it this year?” They grab your hand with theirs, looking into your eyes closely. 

You take a deep breath and raise your hand as if to take it, but it falters. Something sears in the back of your mind. Letting your hand flop to the side, you shake your head and sigh heavily. She just gives you a soft smile and squeezes your hand in reassurance. 

“That’s okay, Love. I’ll take care of it for you. Just close your eyes and think of them.”  

So, you do and reminisce about your lost family. There were so many memories you were still unable to recover from all those years ago. So, you opt to think of your parents' soft smiles and gentle hugs. Of an older brother that you think had a mischievous grin. You focus on the overall warmth you associated with them, feeling that warmth curl into your toes. You hear your sister strike the match and then she blows it out just as quickly. You were never saddened by these thoughts, even in your younger years. Hange often wondered if this was due to a detachment of your own making. You open your eyes after a moment and flinch back from the sight of the votive right in front you, flames flickering. 

“Let’s get going.” Hange hadn’t let go of your hand this whole time and she uses that to pull you away quickly out of the side door. Even though it’s cold, you feel miles better outside and you let loose a breath as if you had held it in the whole time. You wonder when you’ll be able to withstand being so close to fire again; you think maybe you never will. A sudden flash of black hair whipping around the corner of the temple catches your eye and you whip your head around to stare at the now empty space.  

“Is something wrong?” Hange squeezes your hand again, and you turn back to look at them to shake your head ‘no’. Some part of you hope it was him. You haven’t seen Levi since the whole debacle at the gala last month. He never made any attempt to reach out to you. Truthfully, you didn’t expect that from him anyways, but it irritated you to no end at the time. Your sister had pushed you to go to the café at least once to just say ‘hi’ because they could see how much it bothered you, however you refused to budge.   

“Then let’s go sight-seeing. I want to see how the people of Jinae celebrate their loved ones before heading out.” The two of you head back down the hill, the cold wind biting at your nose. At some point, Hange turns down a nearly empty path. The stones ahead were covered with a wide assortment of flowers in various colors. People had also put offerings of their loved one's favorite foods out at the base of the stones. It makes you smile at how loved these people are even past their time.  

Hange leads you around for half an hour, taking in the sights of the different offerings and gifts laid about. She points and grins as she mumbles things to you, but you’re not really paying her ramblings any mind. You find that nodding in response was enough to get them to turn back around and jaunt off somewhere else. Another fifteen minutes later, and their rumbling stomach is so loud you can’t help but laugh. You now realize why she’s staring so heavily at a plate of cold dumplings left on a headstone. You reach for her shirt and tug on it to get her attention. 

“What’s up?” They twirl around on you with worry. 

‘Want to go get some dinner?’  

“We probably should, shouldn’t we. Sorry, I’ve just been so engrossed in all of these displays!” She points to one right next to you. It’s littered with quite a few child’s drawings taped to the stone. A plate of cookies sat at the base of it with a steaming cup of coffee right next to it. The family must have just been here. When you look back up to meet Hange’s gaze, she’s staring at something behind you with an amused expression.  

You turn to see what she’s gawking at, and you spot a familiar raven-haired man. He’s standing next to a not-so-familiar messy blonde-haired man around the same age that is currently kneeling on the ground as he places a plate of something on the stone in front of him. The one standing darts his eyes in your direction and there’s no mistaking it; It’s Levi. Panicking, you whirl your head back around to face Hange and she’s smirking. You attempt to step forward to pass your sister, but she just grips your arm firmly and starts tugging you in Levi’s direction.  

Oh no, oh no, oh no. 

You try your best to wiggle out of the grip but it’s of no use, she’s latched on to you. After a few more futile attempts, you give up with a huge huff. You don’t even turn around, you just let them drag you along.  

“Levi, what a pleasant surprise!” Hange yells out to him as they close the distance, you still in tow. 

When they stop abruptly, you almost bump into them. You avert your gaze as far away as possible and turn around slowly. A family of four passes by in silence on the path next to you, a little girl with pigtails flings around a stuffed rabbit as she trots along.  

“Tch, I don’t see how this is a surprise, Four-Eyes. The whole town is practically here.” You hear Levi’s gruff voice respond back. It makes your stomach flutter with anxiety, but you’re not sure if it’s a good or bad kind of anxiety. There’s a ringing silence that follows after, but you can’t be brought to look up. That is, until someone clears their throat. 

“Uh, hi! I’m Furlan, Levi’s friend! It’s nice to meet you...?” He trails off. The voice is boyish and playful, and very different from the man next to him. You glance up to the source and the dirty-blonde haired man is looking between your sister and you with gray eyes. Not as deep and metallic as Levi’s though, they were much softer and lighter.  

“Hi! I’m Hange Zoë, and this is my sister!” She lets go of you to throw her arms around you as she squishes your face with hers. You feel warmth creep through your whole body from embarrassment and it makes you want to run away. “She’s hearing but she’s mute and speaks through sign language mainly. I’ll translate for you for the sake of brevity, though. Unless you already know it?” Your sister releases you to meet Furlan’s outstretched hand with hers and shakes it vigorously. The man laughs, and it’s a light airy sound.  

“I don't unfortunately. But it’s nice to meet you both!” He waves to you with a wide grin, and you give a small wave back. Furlan continues, “I see you know Levi.” You chance a look at Levi and he’s staring straight at you. Your eyes shoot back to his friend.  

“Well, ‘know’ is an understatement. He’s not very forthcoming about his life unlike his roommate. Uh, Erwin and I became close after a very unfortunate relationship mishap.” Your sister chuckles at her dark joke.  

“Ah! I thought I recognized your name! Erwin mentions you in passing a lot. And, well, that’s Levi for you. I had a hard time getting to know him when we first met.”  

“You idiots know I’m here, right? And that’s because you were trying to beat me up, asshole.” Levi’s terse tone cuts in, shooting daggers at his friend. Furlan just laughs again, loudly, and raises his hands in defense. Hange nudges you gently with her elbow and you glare at her, but the look in her eyes makes you nervous.  

Winking at you, she grabs her phone and yells, “Oh jeez, hold on a second. Someone from the lab is calling, it must be about last night's reports.” and starts to walk away. You hold on to her hand for dear life with your mouth wide open in protest, but she pulls away with a flourish. “I’ll just be a moment!” And then she’s gone.  

You stare down at your empty hand and then back up to the two men in front of you, pressing your lips into a thin line as you clench your jaw. ‘Fuck.’ you think to yourself. Tapping your foot impatiently, you also fold your arms across your chest. You keep your gaze averted from them, but you still feel Levi’s stare aimed directly at you. Finally, Furlan clears his throat again.  

“Did you two kill each other’s cats or something? Jeez.” Levi clicks his tongue at the same time as you roll your eyes.  

“Sure, if that’s what you want to think.” Levi retorts dryly. A heavy huff escapes your mouth as you fiddle with your jacket sleeve, foot tapping even faster. Another silence. Furlan examines your face closely and looks back at Levi in thought. If you were looking at him, you would have noticed a lightbulb go off in his head. 

“Wait wait wait! Is this the girl you were talking about a while back?” That makes your eyes fly to Furlan’s and you can’t keep the shock from filling your face. He talked about me?  

Without even waiting for an answer, he states, “So I heard you like colors.” You feel a blush start to seep up into your cheeks and you look away again, shrugging. Levi kicks Furlan in the shins and he doesn’t even react in pain.  

 “Wow, it’s super nice to meet you then. This guy would not stop talking about you aft-” Levi kicks Furlan in his other shin and it must have hurt this time because he winces.  

“Furlan, shut up.” Levi scolds. 

“Is that an order?” Furlan smirks as he leans down to rub the now sore spot. 

You’re not even listening to their bickering; your mind was going a million miles a minute. Levi had talked about you to other people. Were they good or bad things? And why did he have to mention your issues with picking a favorite color? You chide yourself for being willingly open about such silly things with Levi after just meeting him. You reach for your phone so you can say something but then are cut off by Hange coming up from behind you noisily. 

“Sorry about that! What are we talking about?” Hange rests her chin on your shoulder and stares at the two friends.  

“It’s nothing, we were just about to go.” Levi replies coolly as he starts to turn away to leave. He must still be mad at you, you think. Irritation itches at your skull again, but something in your heart aches. 

“Wait! ‘We’? Where’s Erwin? It’s weird to see you without him, Levi.”   

“Oh, he’s currently back at their apartment cooking dinner for us. He came out to show his respects early this morning.” Furlan cuts in before Levi can say anything. 

“Sounds great, we’re in.” You stare at your sister in horror before shoving your hands in their face. 

‘No, we’re not!’   

“Oh uh, I don’t know if Erwin...” Furlan trails off as Hange just chuckles and waves her hand dismissively. Then she pulls out her phone to check something before shoving it right back into her coat pocket.  

“Erwin doesn’t mind, he said so.”  

‘We are not going!’ You’re practically flinging your hands at her face, but she just gives you her puppy-dog stare. 

“But I’m so hungry! And he’s fine with it. Plus, a homecooked meal! It’s so much better than fast food!” Hange whines. 

‘I know what you’re doing, and it’s not going to work.’ Her face pouts even more, which you didn’t think was even possible. ‘You’re the worst. Fine!’ You stick your tongue out at her as you stomp your foot for good measure and her whole face lights up in response. 

“Well, I’m not fine with it.” Levi shoots back, eyes narrowed at the two of you.  

“Oh, c’mon Levi. Miche’s already going and Erwin said it’s fine. The more the merrier.” Furlan grabs Levi’s arm to keep him from leaving. Your sister whips her head to stare at Furlan in surprise. 

“Miche’s going?! What the hell, and Erwin didn’t even invite me!?” She yells. 

“Tch, fine, do whatever you want. I don’t care. Furlan, we have one more stop, let’s go.” Levi stomps off in the opposite direction, leaving the atmosphere 10 degrees colder.   

“We’ll meet you there. We have one more grave to look at but then we’ll be on our way.” Furlan nods to the two of you and gives you a warm smile before darting off after Levi. You exhale a big breath and round on Hange, not even sure what to say. There’s a mischievous glimmer to her eye and you regret leaving the house at all.  

When Levi and Furlan are out of earshot, Furlan knocks his shoulders in Levi’s and smirks.  

“Isabel would have liked her, don’t you think?”  

Levi says nothing back, but he can’t help but agree. It’s been 10 years, but his chest still tightens at the thought of Isabel. He pulls out the bag that had sat tucked into his jacket pocket, holding the slice of vanilla cake he made for his fallen friend. 

.

Erwin and Levi’s apartment is immaculate. Years of cleaning after Hange had given you the confidence to say you were a tidy person. But after seeing their apartment, you felt like an amateur at best. Even the air felt fresh, albeit it was filled with the smells of cooking dishes. Light tones filled the whole room, broken by the occasional pop of color. There was plenty of white as well, so you know Levi had a lot to say when it came to decorating the place.  

“Wow Erwin, your place is so clean!” Hange mutters as she pads around the whole living room. Erwin and his friend Miche were both in the kitchen working over separate pots. Miche was a very strange man, much stranger than Levi for sure. The second you stepped into the apartment, he took a huge whiff of you and grunted. Hange and Erwin chuckled and reassured you that it was normal, but you were still freaked out. If Miche had a problem with your smell, he didn’t say so. 

“You can thank Levi for that, mostly. He likes to clean.” Erwin calls out. You knew that of course, thinking back to that fateful night at the bar.  

You decided to make yourself at home, curling up at the end of their 3-person couch. Pinks and oranges begin to filter into the room as the sun starts to set. You stare out of their balcony door that overlooks part of the downtown area. They were so close to their café, and you wonder if they had chosen the café location just because of that. 

“I can’t believe you didn’t invite me tonight, Erwin!” Hange whines as she leans over the island to see what Erwin was working on. He swats at her to back up and she does so with her glasses fogged up from the steam. 

“I already told you. I invited you a couple weeks ago, but it seems to me you weren’t listening to me then. I think you were going off about some lab report that frustrated you.”  

“Oh yeah. Okay that’s totally fair and on me. You should have reminded me at least!”  

Miche comes over to you with a small plate of some raw vegetables for you to snack on. You take it while smiling at him gratefully, and he just nods before heading back into the kitchen. He had already known you weren’t verbal before you walked in the door, you guess Erwin had told him. Apparently Miche and Erwin were friends for a long time before Levi came into the picture. Just by watching them in the kitchen, you can tell that they worked very well together without having to say a word. 

After gingerly placing your empty plate down on the coffee table in front of you, you stand, stretching your limbs with a big yawn. If you sat for any longer on that soft sofa, you figured you might fall asleep. So, you shuffle your way towards the kitchen, making sure to pick up your plate as you do. Miche takes it from you without saying a word and you wonder if he had a hard time speaking growing up or if it was a conscious decision not to say much. Regardless, you sign a quick thanks then turn to Erwin, who was in the process of mincing some sort of herb.  

‘Where is your bathroom?’  

“Down the hall, it’s the door at the very end.” He slaps Hange’s hand as she’s reaching for a dinner roll over the counter. You smack her in the head on your way past and she just blows a raspberry at you.  

You take your time going down the hallway because your eyes are distracted by various photographs framed on the walls. There weren’t any family photos of either of the two, but plenty of random friends throughout the years. There were a couple of Erwin when he was younger, maybe in grade school, with a few friends hanging around him. You think you spot a young Miche with him in one of the photos.

That must mean they’ve been good friends for more than 15 or so years. There’s another picture frame of Erwin and Levi in graduation gowns holding up diplomas, college you think. Erwin has a huge grin showing off his pearly whites and his arm is propped up, leaning on a short-statured Levi. Levi’s not even looking at the camera, electing to look off to the side with a scowl stuck to his face. That checks out, you think to yourself.  

You look closely at the one at the very end of the hallway and you notice it’s another photo of Levi. It’s a picture of him and two other people, Furlan being one of them. They’re all pretty young looking in this, but the girl in the middle who had her arms wrapped around the other two looked even younger. She has the brightest, widest green eyes you’ve ever seen. Her red hair is choppy and pulled into low pigtails and a large grin plasters her face. Furlan’s to her left, and he’s looking over to the other two contentedly. Levi is on her right and he’s looking away like he always does, but an actual small smile seemed to pull at the corners of his lips. You also note that this was before whatever accident fell upon him as his scars were missing. They look very happy.  

“That’s our friend, Isabel.” Someone mutters softly next to you. You squeak as you jump back, punching into the space where the voice came from. Something catches your fist before it makes an impact. Turning, you see it’s Furlan, holding up your fist in his hand. Panicking, you pull your arm back out of his grip and step back. He stifles a laugh. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. I just needed to use the bathroom but saw you standing here staring at the wall.” Furlan rubs the back of his neck and glances up at the picture, a wistful smile appearing on his face. Wording a voiceless apology with your lips, you back up into the wall so he can scoot past you to the bathroom. He thanks you before slipping into the room and clicking the door behind him. You take a deep breath and head back to the kitchen, your trip to the bathroom forgotten.  

When you emerge from the hallway, the sounds of clinking glasses and heavy plates can be heard from the dining room. Not really sure where to sit, you go to stand by the table as Erwin and Hange set it. Miche comes over to place a bowl of the dinner rolls that your sister was eyeballing earlier, and he points to one of the chairs against the wall for you. Again, he seemingly knew what you were thinking. At this point, you’re convinced that he knows how to read minds.   

You plop yourself down as your sister does the same next to you. She starts pouring wine into the glasses around the table, save for your own; she hands you a soda can and you bump her shoulder with a smile. Furlan comes back from the bathroom just as Erwin and Miche take their seats. Steaming plates of delicious foods consisting of a spiced chicken dish, baked asparagus, smashed potatoes, and sweet carrots lay around just waiting to be served.  

‘You really know how to serve a feast.’ You sign to Erwin with a wide smile. 

“Well, it’s not all just me. Miche makes a great sous chef.” He jokes. 

“Hey, where’d the grump run off to?” Hange inquires as they take a sip of their white wine. 

“The grump is right here, tch.” a voice cuts in.  

Glancing up, you see Levi drying his head with a towel as he makes his way to the table, water droplets falling from his hair down onto the gray long sleeve he had on. After folding the wet towel and placing it on a table behind the couch, he pulls the chair out across from you and sits down with a small huff. You both lock eyes for a second before looking away.  

“What are we waiting for? I’m dying over here!” Hange starts plating up without waiting for a response. She starts to help you too, but you just grab the serving utensils from her hands and huff at her. She playfully slaps your arm but starts digging in. Erwin had thrown on some background music before sitting down, so soft jazz reverberated off the walls mixing in with the bustle of plates being filled.  

“So, Hange, what do you do?” Furlan pipes up after a few minutes, tearing a roll up with his fingers.  

“I work at Titan Labs, head researcher and what not. I’m working on ways to create zombies!” She cackles and takes another spoonful of her potatoes. The look on Furlan’s face was priceless and he stared at Levi and Erwin for confirmation.  

“They’re just kidding, Furlan. They work with curing viruses, at least that’s what I’m told. Hange you can’t just go around saying stuff like that.” Erwin scolds and Hange just grins. 

“Oh uh. Okay. I guess that’s a little better.”  

‘My sister can be a little overzealous and crazy sometimes.’ You sign to Furlan and Hange just grabs her heart dramatically.  

“Pft, I’m not that crazy.” That's all she says before diving back into her chicken, paying the rest of you no mind.  

“There’s nothing wrong with crazy. Just try not to get us killed, okay?” He laughs a little and winks at you. Feeling your face flush, you let your eyes roam over to Levi’s. His gaze flickers to yours briefly, but he just takes a swig of his wine and peers out the window. The evening sky was clear, and the stars had started to come out.  

The rest of the meal was filled with mindless chatter that you observed happily. Erwin and Miche had roped Hange into some sort of debate, so them translating for you was a little difficult. Luckily, Furlan understood and was fine being the only one talking as Levi just ate in silence. You listen intently but your mind wandered to Levi occasionally, wondering what he was thinking as he delicately cut into his food. Furlan got to a point where he picked up on asking you yes or no questions for the sake of the language barrier and lack of interpreter. It was hard not to smile at his warmth, and you’re open to all of his questions easily. The flush on your face does not disappear the whole meal. 

With stuffed bellies and sleepy minds, everyone decides to leave the table and move into the living room to wind down. All except for Furlan, who had said he had an early shift the next morning and needed to leave before he ended up staying all night. Hange, Erwin, and Miche were murmuring together with intermittent laughs about something random. Levi just sat in a chair in the corner of the room scrolling on his phone and not paying any attention to his surroundings. That left you to juggle between staring at the TV and checking your phone every once in a while.  

A couple moments later, there’s a scratch of a chair against the floor as Levi gets up from his spot. He slips out of the balcony door with a blast of cold air before closing it shut behind him. You can see his puffs of hot air as he stands, leaning against the rail with his back to you.

As you’re staring, you feel someone tap your shoulder and when you turn to see the source of it, you’re surprised to find its Erwin. Crystal blue eyes stare back at you and then they flicker over to where Levi stood. He says nothing else and sits back down in his spot like nothing happened. Hange gives you a supportive wink and goes back to her conversation with the two men.  

Ugh.

You stand up and pull on your jacket that you had slung over the backside of the couch hours ago. Zipping it up, you take a deep breath before sliding the door open and forcing yourself into the cold. Levi does nothing to acknowledge you, he just stands stoically looking up at the stars. You tighten your jacket around you and stand awkwardly behind him, shifting from one foot to the other as you consider what to say.

As you feel the winter air nipping at your skin, you exhale softly and pull your phone out to type out a message. It takes you a few minutes of typing and deleting repeatedly, but Levi says and does nothing as he waits, hearing the clicks of the letters coming out of the speakers. 

‘I’m sorry. For exploding on you last month. I threw my anger at you when really, I was angry at myself. It wasn’t nice or warranted and I apologize.’ You shuffle up next to him and hand him your phone carefully. He takes it from your cold hands, his own brushing against yours and they’re surprisingly warm. You see his eyes slide over the words, face bright from the phone light in contrast with the dark night.   

He rolls his silver eyes and just scoffs. He doesn’t say anything, and you fidget with your phone. When it was clear he had nothing to say, you fight the urge to turn around and leave. You glance behind you and see Erwin and Miche doing a bad job pretending not to stare at you and Levi. Hange, on the other hand, gives you a big smile and a thumbs up. You swallow hard and type out another message.   

‘Are you mad at me still?’ 

“Still?” He stares up at you in confusion then slight guilt. “I- look, I was never mad at you. It’s just...” He runs his fingers through his hair to push it back, and you spot a few piercings climbing up his ear that you didn’t notice before. They glint off the full moon which sits high in the sky. He takes a deep breath and looks away from you.  

“Okay, I was a little mad at first. But I’m clearly not anymore.” He mumbles.  

‘Clearly.’  

“I know I can come off rude and cold but it’s just... Shit!” He grips the rail so hard that his knuckles turn white. “I’m not mad at you, and I haven’t been for a couple weeks. I just- I felt awkward after the whole thing and I didn’t know how to talk to you. Plus, you know, I thought you were mad at me. So. You have nothing to apologize for. And, here,” he grabs your phone that you loosely held and starts moving around apps, pressing random buttons as he goes.

Then he hands it back to you with a side eye, opting to stare back out to the moon as he spoke. “I don’t want to throw your phone off the balcony so from here on out, just directly text me and I’ll respond.”  

When you look down at your phone, your mouth opens slightly in awe. Your phone screen displays a newly made contact page for “Levi Ackerman”. So formal, you think. Clicking the message icon, you type out a little text to him with shaky hands. You’re not sure if it’s from the excitement or the cold. 

'Hi' 

You hear his phone ‘ping’ and he pulls it out of his back pocket.  

“We’re great with words, aren’t we.” he says with a smile playing on his lips.  

‘I’m glad you’re not mad at me. I’m still sorry for last month though.’  

“It’s fine, but thanks anyways.”  

Like a breath of fresh air, a comfortable silence falls on the two of you. You lean forward against the rail and stare down to the ground. Levi and Erwin’s apartment rests on the third floor so there was quite a drop. The yellow glow of streetlights reflected off the snow that was piled on the sides of the road. You shiver as a gust of wind blows through your hair, so you pull your hood up for extra warmth. Against your better judgement, you shoot him another text with something that’s been itching at you all night.  

‘Who’s Isabel?’ You watch him carefully.  

When he eyes the text, the small upturn to his lips disappears and he freezes for a moment. His hand grips his phone a little tighter as he sighs heavily. Exhausted. The circles under his eyes seemingly darker. He hangs his head down, giving you another side-eye between his raven locks as he starts speaking in almost a whisper.  

“She was one of my best friends. Well, Furlan and I’s. We all, uh, grew up together.” Levi swallows hard.  

‘What happened?’  

His body tenses up once more and you worry for a moment that he might get defensive, but he just grips the rail tightly in both hands again. 

“I used to ride motorcycles. I suppose you wouldn’t know that.” You shake your head at him, and he just purses his lips. “Yeah... well. Isabel had this annoying habit of wanting to go everywhere with us but she wouldn’t get her own license so she would ride on the back of Furlan and I’s bikes...” He shifts uncomfortably and leans forward over the rail, looking down at the ground.  

“Well one day, my uh, relative, was having complications at the hospital in town and I needed to get there fast. And of course, she wanted to tag along. I didn’t have time to fight with her, so I let her on with me. But...” You reach out to try and touch his arm in reassurance, but Levi jumps at the close proximity, and you pull back quickly. Mouthing a ‘sorry’, you shove your hands in your pockets. 

“You’re... fine. It’s fine.” He pushes off from the rail and folds his arms across his chest and stands up straight. “It was raining that day, and I was being careless. I was so caught up in where I was going, I didn’t take the time to be cautious of my surroundings. I don’t remember much but we ended up skidding off the road. I woke up in the hospital with this,” Levi raises the hand that was missing his index and middle finger and then he points to his scars. “And no Isabel.” 

You have no words. Even if you weren’t mute, you wouldn’t know what to say to him. You notice in the time that you’ve known him, you haven’t seen him ride before, nor have you even seen a bike in his vicinity. So that alone was a surprise. But another thought scratched at you. Something about his demeanor right now screamed guilt. Did he still blame himself for Isabel’s death?  

“I went to go celebrate her today with Furlan. She always had a thing for sweets.” He mumbles, looking a little more relaxed. He has a faraway look in his eyes.  

‘What was she like?’ His eyes shift to yours, now soft.  

“You remind me a lot of her, actually. Stubborn. Happy.” Levi huffs, but you could have sworn it was a little laugh. 

‘You’re pretty stubborn yourself, you know.’ He just rolls his eyes again at you but says nothing else. ‘I think it’s great that you’re celebrating her life. She sounds wonderful. Thank you for sharing that with me.’ You offer him a slight smile and his lips twitch at you in return. He puts one of his hands in his pocket, making sure to keep his phone out with the other as he spoke. 

“Who were you and Hange celebrating today? I saw you two at the temple earlier.”  

‘Are you creeping on us or something?’ You smirk at him teasingly and his already rosy cheeks turn a darker shade.  

“Tch, no. I just passed by, is all.”  

‘It’s okay Levi, I get it. We’re that fascinating lol. She was there for her grandparents.’ You fidget with your phone in between numb fingers. It was really starting to get cold, and you weren’t sure how much longer you’d be able to stay out on the patio. But you didn’t want to leave just yet. 

“So, you’re not celebrating anyone today?” His innocent question makes you pause. It was your turn to look away, staring at the twinkling stars above. You suddenly feel small, like the universe was too big for you. Biting your bottom lip, you start to type away.  

‘Yeah, I have. I lost my parents and brother when I was around six or so. I don’t remember much but there was a big fire, and I was the only survivor. I am not a big fan of fire now.’ Silence ensues for a few minutes as Levi digests what you texted him. Your hands mindlessly trace the scars that trailed up your left arm from that disastrous night. 

“I’m really sorry to hear about that.” He says, finally. 

‘Oh, it’s fine now. It was so long ago. Hange’s family took me in after 8 years in the foster system, and now I’m stuck with her.’ You give him a meek grin and point behind you. He’s watching your face carefully. 

“I’m sure there are worse families to be stuck with.” Levi jokes quietly.  

You have no idea, you think to yourself. The thought of the households you lived in prior to the Zoë’s makes you cringe a bit. Memories of being left behind, small cupboard-like rooms, and physically abusive foster parents swirl through your brain. You close your eyes tightly to try and push them away. You feel something warm holding your fidgeting hands still. Opening your eyes to see what it is, you’re met with Levi’s pale hands cupping yours into his own.  

“It’s been a very hard day for us, huh?” You don’t want to tell Levi that it’s not your family’s passing that’s upsetting you right now. You figure if it came up later, you would tell him then. You nod once, meeting his silver eyes with earnest. He releases his grip abruptly, your hand freezing from where he had left it. Another comfortable silence falls on the two of you and it warms you from the inside out. Knowing that he wasn’t actually mad at you filled you with immense relief and you were glad that the confrontation was over. Or so you thought. 

“So Furlan huh?” He playfully chides. You stare at him, incredulous.  

“What? He just seemed really into you. Do you feel the same?” There was a look in his eyes that confused you. You feel your face heat as you tap away at your phone screen. 

‘He was just being nice. I don’t know what you mean. There’s no way he could be interested in me.’ You watch his face anxiously, not certain why he was bringing up such a topic. You didn’t really feel comfortable talking about other boys with him just yet, whether it be because you still barely knew Levi or something else you couldn’t quite describe.  

“Tch, you don’t know.” He cocks an eyebrow at you but says nothing else. You just shake your head at him, at a loss for words of what to say next.  

Suddenly, there’s a knock at the sliding door and peeking through is a Hange with a wide grin.  

“Are you ready to go home, my little berry?” Their muffled voice penetrates through the glass pane. You give them a thumbs up and a small smile. They give you a thumbs up in return then spin around to Erwin and Miche who are now standing up, going back into a conversation. You glance back at Levi and find his dark eyes gazing at you. The moonlight hit his entire figure at an angle that made him look almost... otherworldly.  

.

A couple hours later, you’re lying on your side in your bed with fluffy sheets surrounding you. The clock reads late but you can’t sleep due to the giddiness from the buzzing of your phone. You stare at a message notification sent by one Levi Ackerman, and a smile playing on your lips. 

Thanks for confiding in me. I don’t mind learning more about you, if you want. 

You had received the message a good 5 minutes ago, but you weren’t sure how to respond. For starters, you were extremely shocked to see that he was still awake at such an absurd time. But then again, so were you. You start typing but then delete it right after, going back and forth until finally you give up and just voice what you wanted to say.  

Sufficient with your response, you lock your phone and place it on the bedside table. You stare hard at the table, willing for something to come your way but nothing does. Maybe he fell asleep, you wonder. After a few minutes, you start to drift off with the thoughts of a curt man with silver, glowing eyes. 

Levi can’t help but chuckle at the three dots in the corner of his phone as you start typing but then change your mind. It had taken him forever to find what he wanted to say to you, but he never imagined your response to something seemingly so simple now could take you so long. In truth, he was surprised to see you open the message so quickly and at such a late time. Perhaps you struggled to sleep as well.  

As he waited, he couldn’t help but wonder what to make of you. There was something so intriguing about you that he just couldn’t quite reach, and honestly it confused him even more. Something else bothered him as well as he recalled the haunted look in your eye after talking about your history. Were you holding something back?  

Finally, his phone pings and he scolds himself for how swift he was to pick it up. A simple message brings butterflies to his stomach and unknits his tight eyebrows. Whatever it was that you had kept to yourself, he figures it didn’t matter. He would make it his goal to try and get to know you better.  

Ask away, I’m here for you. Goodnight, Levi.

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[just-a-carrot]

Okay so I just realised something about the order of the arcs and which character is the focal point/sorta love interest in each of then(excluding arc 5). The first route isn’t really focused on anyone in particular, but Genzou meets a horrific fate via Orlam(ie nearly boiled alive and left to die alone and in pain). So. Arc 2 focuses mainly on Genzou, Iggy’s deja vu/vague memories of the past loop driving him on a desperate attempt to save him. Only to swap places with him, and have, well, Orlam die. Which then prompts an entire loop of trying to understand and console Orlam because then, maybe then, if he “fixes” the both of them then tragedy can be avoided. And then Arc 3 is the first arc where Gidget dies by HIS hands(if I remember correctly). So. It would then make sense that Arc 4 focuses on them. While also throughout all of this the background realisation of Bucks/everyone being the root of the cause slowly builds up until Arc 5. Idk I feel like I’m rambling and not really making sense but oh well. Im not all that clear on the rest but atleast arcs 1-3 feel intentional in that way? Like at first Iggy realises that okay Genzou’s cruelty and carelessness led him to provoke Orlam into doing that, so maybe if he shows him compassion and becomes something he can care about then maybe that can soften him and his crudeness(and it partially does), but then HE becomes the object of Orlam’s cruelty because, suprise suprise, Orlam’s still a wreck and still hurting and wanting vengeance thus leading to Arc 3 where Iggy attempts to console him too, only to go too far into trying to understand him and falls right beside him into cruel monarchy. Also I secretly think Orlam used Iggy to make Genzou suffer in Arc 2 because he felt truly abandoned by Iggy in that Arc, as hinted by him saying stuff like “you know it’s a shame Iggy I really liked you” or something like that in Arc 1.

Mannn I really am making no sense right now mb enjoy the word vomit i guess

oh this is interesting

tbh i hadn't thought about the order in these terms before. much of the order simply developed because the characters have always weirdly stood in that "standard order" in my head, even whenever i think about them, whenever i tag them in stuff, it's always in that order 🤣

when i first started working on the game (and the first couple of releases too) the idea was that you'd be able to play the "middle arcs" in any order you wanted. the choice screen asking who to call would have all three names and you'd be able to choose whichever order you wanted to go through them in. i guess because in the beginning i had thought they'd be a bit more self-contained and static?? unsure. but starting from work on arc 3 and getting even more intense with work on arc 4, i realized that that just wouldn't work. the narrative only works in this order, like, just the structure of the game in general, the structure of iggy's relationships, and even from a narrative viewpoint, each arc gets more intense and builds more on the previous ones, so it just didn't make sense any more for someone to be able to play arc 4 before playing, say, arc 2. (can you even imagine??? LOL) some of this is probably because of how much the chars and story grew as i was working on them, too. like arc 4 in particular veered on in wild directions different from how i'd first imagined it and with all sorts of new ideas and complicated dynamics getting woven into it based on where i'd taken the earlier arcs

all of this is just to say that it's interesting reading this, as the order of the arcs was both originally Just Because but also then because of the story beats and evolution became Very Important over time, and there are probably many ways that the inter-arc stuff connects to show interesting dynamics that i never even planned for or saw myself

[amyriadofleaves]

outside it starts to pour — neuvillette | chapter nine

synopsis: in the limelight of fontaine, the prying eyes of its people never truly tears their gaze off the iudex and you, the présidence du conseil d'état, which makes for baseless rumours to fester and echo throughout the theatrics of opera. you and neuvillette are challenged by the reputations the both of you are expected to uphold, and the weighty decision to navigate these intricacies rests upon the discerning judgement of fontaine's archon.

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⌗ pairing : neuvillette x fem!reader ⌗ feat : neuvillette, reader, clorinde ⌗ warnings : n/a ⌗ word count: 4.5k

It would not be an overstatement to remark upon the folly of those who regard you with such narrow-minded scrutiny. Despite your accomplishments, diligence, and endurance through it all, the people have diminished you from a capable and esteemed Head of Civil Affairs to nothing more than the Chief Justice's attendant wife.

However, you find it not in your duty to rebuke those claims, or rather, think not to bother addressing them outright. The attitude you bring to your office and those beneath you isn’t anything out of the ordinary, per se, but one with a discerning eye can notice the unusual edge and snappiness to your character. 

And the one with the said discerning eye happens to be your husband. 

Multiple questions from him arose over the course of a week before his schedule took him up in its clutches again, and obviously you were one to deny such accusatory things. Oh, how glad you were when you found his office vacant most of the time. No one to pester you, and no one to pester the pesterer. 

But obviously such luxuries come with some demon to tip out the work-life balance. The invite to a ball as a plus one has you lurching for air, and another report on the impending prophecy gnaws at you like a teething hyena.

Today just so happens to be another banal day of doom and gloom. Ruthless court hearings meant Fontaine would see rainfall, and for this particular week it meant every consecutive day — which also meant a certain Champion Duelist is slipping through every nook and cranny for a playdate. 

“If it isn’t my favourite new bride,” she muses, leaning against the doorframe. You notice the difference in the way she quips the last few words, and you subconsciously associate the likeness of tone to that of the Duke; weird — you never considered their closeness up until this point.

You sip on your cup of chamomile tea. “So what you’re saying is that there was a point where I was not your favourite bride.”

“Maybe it’s because you weren’t married, idiot,” she starts, closing the door behind her and making herself home to your small, albeit homely office. “One day you’re all over never finding a husband, and the next day I see an invite on my doorstep that you’re getting married to the one man you hate!”

You wish to strain the lie for a little longer, test how much more you can baffle her straight through your teeth. “Well, Clorinde, fate has many a surprise for those who least expect it. Take the newlyweds that run the new bakery down the street — rumour has it that they hated each other before making out in the store room; oh, the poor manager… So, it really is a trap anyone can just about fall in.”

Her lips twitch as if a lightbulb had switched on near her temple, a subtle trip, but telling of the inevitable. You show indifference. “A trap, you say? So who exactly arranged it? Pray tell, was it Monsieur Neuvillette, Lady Furina, or god forbid, you yourself?”

“...What?’

She chuckles, taking a seat across from you.  “If there’s one person you’re not going to fool, it’s me. You forget I was on the other end of your endless ramblings about him — so why have you exactly gotten married to the very man you so detest?”

Ah, Clorinde, you reply with a soft smile, setting down your teacup. Always one for blunt truths and cutting humour.

Clorinde leans stiffly against the back of her chair, expression hardening. I’m serious.

I appreciate your concern, truly, you reply, a hint of amusement in your voice. But marriage hasn't dulled my wit or ambitions, if that's what worries you.

The Champion Duelist crosses her arms and you catch a familiar shade of crimson dotting her sleeve. “I never doubted your wit, only questioned the timing of it all. You're a force to be reckoned with, and now you have a husband? It all doesn’t line up.”

“Consider it the responsibility of my duty — Lady Furina thought me ‘worthy’,” —you say this while quoting it with your fingers— “of this, and so there she went, thrusting me into another job I did not want to do.”

Given the slight furrowing of her brows, you surmise she is more intrigued than she’d like to come off as. “Oh? And what do you mean, ‘worthy’?”

“Worthy of being a pawn in her stupid games,” you groan, finding interest in the shape of your nails, a roll of your eyes prompted by the repulsive thought of the woman that started it all. “I won’t have you guess any further. Your guess is correct, unfortunately.”

Now she’s truly given herself away; despite the stoicness of her poise, the way she grips the table to bring herself closer to hear you better speaks volumes. “Oh really? My guess was a shot in the dark. Never expected myself to be right.”

“If you did in fact miss your guess, you, my dear Clorinde, would be out of a job.” you three of your fingers inward  to mimic the shape of a firearm.

Arms crossed, she flashes a grin. “I’ll just bail my way out through my boss.”

“I don’t think he’s as merciful as you think.”

“To me, probably. But you’re another story.”

You scoff, your head canting to the side. “You think I’m the exception? Yeah, right.”

“Are you blind? Everyone in the workplace has been either praising or critiquing his bias,” She helps herself with the kettle of tea, slightly leaving her chair to reach for the handle. “But that’s the fun of it all. Keeps things interesting.”

You chuckle softly, leaning back in your chair. “Interesting is one way to put it. I prefer ‘degrading’.”

“Semantics,” she shrugs, a smirk playing on her lips. “Either way, what Lady Furina intended for your arrangement is playing out just as she planned.”

Time will tell, you muse, taking another sip of tea. But for now, let's talk about the blood on your sleeve, shall we?”

She reaches for her elbow, pulling the cloth toward her to take a closer look. “Oh — this? The usual, really. Criminals.”

“I see you’ve made short work of them.”

“As I usually do, miss ma'am.”

You try for another sip of your tea only to find that your lips come away empty; though with inexplicable reason you feel it as though you have, indeed, taken a generous gulp of it. With your eyes trained on Clorinde, you reach for another tea packet from the pouch.

“Speaking of which, that old man should be making his way over to the Palais in a moment. Saw him leave the Epiclese when I did.”

“Let’s not talk about him.”

Her eyes dart to every part of the room almost erratically, losing track of its target. “Great then, we shall move on to the next topic of conversation.”

In all your impatient habits you cannot wait for her to finish her sentence. “Why are you talking like that?”

“Archons, woman. You’re always so full of questions, you bursting buffoon,” Clorinde quips with a playful eye roll, noting the embarrassed look on your face. “But I was just going to mention what gift I got you.”

“Ooh, do tell.”

You did expect a gift sometime along this week: a lipstick, a gift she had frequented much in giving you, was nowhere to be found on the table, now replaced with a meticulously crafted blade with a sheen so polished it burned shadows into your irises. In one swift motion, a dagger slides onto the table, her hands prodding them forward. Her eyes study the subtle raise of your brow. “Not what you expected, I'm guessing?”

“Certainly so. But it is very in character for someone like you, Clorinde.” You trace the blunt end of the dagger with your finger, allowing your touch to graze the hilt. Foreign was the feeling of it in your hands,  the weight of it a limbo between light and heavy. It had been an undeniably long time since you were in possession of a tangible weapon, your reliability on both martial prowess and vision a dwindling skill since your role of being the Head of Civil affairs. “Thank you — but why?”

“I’m assuming you’re asking me what far fetched reasoning I have for it — but I’ll simply state this: you are now the focal point of public attention. And you know what that can stir?

“Envy?”

“Precisely. Or you could just take it as a token of our spar from a few weeks ago. Or to when we used to spar as children,” She delivers it with a sag into her seat, but beneath that facade, you know she really is just concerned.

You open your mouth to speak, but she interrupts you with an abrupt shift from her posture. “And before I forget — I got you more.” She holds a drawstring pouch teasingly in the air, and judging from the familiar clinking of glass, it’s exactly what you think it is.

You reach up for it, forcefully pulling it towards you. Peeking through the bag, you look up at Clorinde through your lashes. “How’d you know I ran out?”

“I'm your supply. Do you think I miscalculate, let alone forget? Come on, chenapan.”

You look away playfully, dodging the jab. “Shut up.”

Rain begins to patter erratically on the window, and both of you tear your focus to it. You swipe the curtain away to look out into the clouds, but you spot a familiar figure standing, hands poised on a railing. His hair is darkened, soaked by the water that drips down to his feet. 

A deep laugh stirs you from your staring. “I take it as my cue to leave. Have fun with your husband.”

You turn around as swiftly as one possibly can, and find her sitting up from her seat. “What? Already?”

“I have places to be. And you seem to have one in mind,” She gestures with her eyes to the man outside, and you roll your own.

“Are you serious right now?”

She flashes you a brief grin with a scrunch to her nose. “What do you think?” Before you can object, she rids herself from your clutches and slips through the door — and when you make your way to peek out from your office, you see nothing but the closing of the entrance.

Shame compels you to shut the door as you lean back, letting your head find solace against the smooth, polished wood. Your gaze, once fixed on the deathly white expanse of the ceiling, drifts instead to a forgotten frame resting on your shelf, its surface gathering a gentle layer of dust.

With no one to distract you from the paperwork on your desk, you find yourself moving of your own volition. If there’s no one to bother…then…

Tea it is.

Picking at the drawstring, you reach blindly for a packet of tea, letting whatever god decide which flavour would be bestowed upon you. You hope it’s chamomile.

It ends up being mint. You make a disinterested scrunch to your nose before lazily studying the print of the brand of tea out of sheer subconscious curiosity. Whatever you’ve just read draws you out of your stupor and suddenly you’re sitting up straight.

This brand is so undeniably familiar. 

And yet, before you can make the connection yourself, the way your heart picks up in pace tells just as much. The main cause of your mother’s murder. A harmless tea packet, seamlessly packaged with powdered death. It had long since been discontinued, but you make a whirl in your seat and hold up the tea packet beside the silhouette of the man standing far from your window and you begin to wonder. 

A pair of bloodied hands drag you by the throat to your home. Your mind forcibly tears itself open by the seams, flooded by the quiet, harmless serenity of dawn — shattered by gasps of your mother with her hands clutched, clawing at her neck. Your father’s calm, almost rehearsed demeanour as he offered her the cup, his eyes glinting with sinister intention; one of you which you were too blind to recognise.

As you clutch the packet, the print of tea blurs against the well that rim your eyes. Maybe it was what your father always had on his person: a gift, a kind gesture, a murder weapon. 

Given the period of Neuvillette’s station, it would be an educated guess to say that your father had met him several times. You can almost see it: your father charming the Chief Justice with that same smile, his lies wrapped in the veneer of regard. For the first time, you feel a flicker of doubt. Could he be unaware? Could he too have been a pawn in your father’s deadly game?

With the curtain of silence drawn between you and Neuvillette since the rise of never ending contretemps, you think maybe you should ease it a little, but not too much — you are inquiring only of his acquiring of such tea.

You stand from your seat, reaching for the parasol that leans against a wooden leg of your desk. It worries you not at how you drag it across the floor, the rubber end of it leaving nothing but a squeak of friction.

Ensuring the door to your office is firmly shut, you begin to pace through the opulent halls of the Palais with an almost childlike curiosity that stirs within you, urging you to uncover what solace he finds in standing amidst the rain. Each step is measured, the echoes of your footsteps mingling with the soft patter of raindrops, growing more muffled than the last imprint of your stride. Avoiding Sedene is a calculated move on your part, slipping past her by briskly walking on your toes when her eyes are plastered on something you aren’t able to discern past the counter.

You slip quietly past the back end of the Palais and push through the heavy barricade of the backdoor. A light coolness touches your head in irregular successions, prompting you to look up at the now brighter sky, a marked change from the sombre gloom it had worn when you last observed it from the inside. 

The slide upwards from the metal skeleton of your parasol scrapes against the gentle downpour, and you eye his figure from behind a white pillar. Nothing seems to stir him from his fixed gaze, one that overlooks the expanse of Fontaine, a land belonging, by technicality, to his people.

A wave of hesitation washes over you like a deluge, for perhaps such a matter is best discussed over tea (the irony of it does not escape you, but your preoccupation with trivial details overrides the thought).

Whatever. You loop the drawstring of the pouch of tea in your free hand, twirling it in your fingers as a makeshift fidget toy. The pad of your heels provides a necessary friction against the floor, a main giveaway of your whereabouts, and still he does not stir.

You walk until you are a few metres behind him, amusing yourself with the idea that he has come so far as to ignore your very existence—a foolish notion that has only furthered the distance between you both since the marriage.

He remains unmoved, ever so rigid and uniform in his stance.

“Monsieur Neuvillette,” you call, your voice carrying a command that transcends the simple utterance of his name — a subliminal message only he can decipher.

He turns slowly, his expression inscrutable as he realises it is you who has come to seek him out.  For a moment, he simply regards you, his gaze steady and unreadable. “Madame,” he finally responds, his tone courteous. “It is you.”

You take a step closer, the parasol offering minimal protection against the persistent drizzle. “Might I inquire about something? I expect you to not think too much of it.” You feel you know him enough to know of his tendency to over inspect on many a detail that come under his radar, so consider this a courtesy for one less burden. 

Neuvillette’s eyes flicker with a hint of something — surprise, perhaps, or maybe curiosity. “Go ahead,” he replies softly.

A scrunch of the small paper packets in the cloth brush against each other as you bring it up to eye level. You reach into it almost as naturally as if you were one of the magician prodigies that made themselves known amongst their covey at the grand festivals of Fontaine, producing seemingly impossible wonders from the very depths of their pockets.

“Does this brand of tea seem familiar to you?”

His head dips from the point of your parasol to the item of interest. Despite his speculated age, the rounding of his eyes seem to take off a few years, easing the wrinkle between his brows. “I am afraid it appears to be just about any tea brand. Is something the matter?”

You take a step closer, the rim of your umbrella shielding but a fraction of Neuvillette’s exposure to the rain. “Monsieur Neuvillette, this specific brand of tea hasn’t been manufactured to the public in five years.” 

Those words, once uttered, solidify your qualms, drawing you back to the very heart of your deepest fears. Yet, a part of you refuses to accept it. It could’ve been any other aristocrat! your mind suggests, desperately grasping for any semblance of hope. But you know such thoughts cannot obscure the harsh reality — and this you know well:

He is alive. And free. 

The man standing before you gazes at you with mounting concern, his eyes reflecting a growing unease. Shadows cast the contours of your face to form a mask of denial, yet you are acutely aware that he does not buy into your falsehood.

“Goodness, is the tea horrible?” he questions, the tremble of his voice a comical degree of concern you cannot help but laugh at. 

Scoffing, you turn your head to the left to avoid his probing eyes. “Why would I give myself the trouble of coming here if that was the problem?” you retort, trying to mask the heat trailing down your cheeks as tears threaten to escape. You blame it on the rain, but you know that isn’t why you are ablaze.

“Tell me what ails you, Madame. I shall fix it,” he implores, his voice filled with genuine worry and a desire to help.

“It is just as I said. The brand of tea. Do you have it delivered to your doorstep? Does it come in bulk?” you ask, questions tumbling out, each more desperate than the last.

He blinks, momentarily taken aback by your line of questioning. Even to your own ears, the inquiries sound strange and out of place — but, they are vital to uncovering the truth, to piecing together something you thought you left behind.

“Well — I had it gifted to me,” Neuvillette begins, his tone measured. “And in turn, I requested more with the intention of always having a suitable gift on hand.”

Your eyes flit to every outline of his features as you try to match the puzzle to the one you find is fraying in your very mind. His eyes betray nothing in your search for a tell, a slip. Everything brings you back to square one. Perhaps your father has already stopped in his schemes — or perhaps (you think with foolish aspiration) his age has taken him. But your father is too resilient and stubborn to die a cretin’s death. 

“Then that is that. I shall take my leave — sorry to bother you, Monsieur.” You wish to continue this investigation elsewhere, for you find that the sombre droplets of water that stain the parts of you that your parasol cannot protect is too gloomy and dismal.

As you bow and turn, you miss your husband’s act of hesitation: to let you go, or to be selfish. He is a man of duty and stature, and to stray from such virtues would be incredibly unbecoming. The topic of scandal rises for a brief moment (he seems to be as forgetting as you in remembering such a tie).

“Stay,” he murmurs, voice barely carried by the wisp of wind.

He himself seems surprised that he had gone so far as to reach for your wrist: an anchor, something to hold on to.

Brows knitting, your mind searching for anything to study — because who knows? A man’s intent can be just as malicious as any other of their kind. “What?”

“I am requesting that you stay,” he says, a little louder, before his voice drops again: “here, with me.”

You tip the handle of your parasol backward in an attempt for a better look — or, for lack of a better word: to appraise.

Your eyes scan him from head to toe. “And what for?”

His grip on your wrist loosens slightly, though he does not let go. “Company,” he confesses, his eyes searching yours for understanding.

The rain continues to fall around you, a gentle, persistent reminder of the world outside this moment. You study his face, noting the sincerity in his eyes, the vulnerability in his posture.

For a moment, you consider pulling away, retreating back into the safety of distance and formality. But something in his gaze holds you in place, a silent plea that begs for you to yield.

“Alright,” you say softly, lowering your parasol. “I’ll stay.”

His shoulders relax, and a faint smile graces his lips. “Thank you.”

You toe lightly until the tip of your heels meet the stoop of the balcony, which diverts the path of your stride so that you don’t nudge Neuvillette with your parasol (if it does, he makes no comment of it). The two of you stand in silence for what seems like aeons, the only assurance of him still being there being the slight rustle of his robes that have grown to latch onto his skin like lifelines. 

After a while, Neuvillette breaks the silence with a quiet, almost offhand comment. You know, he begins, his voice gentle, I’ve always wondered whether it is because I am rigid.”

“And what of your rigidity?” For this you find no reason to look at him — but you think he senses your sceptical brow nonetheless, the rain dulling almost when you find another, more interesting thing to latch onto: that being his response to your inquiry. 

“It is the very quality,” he replies, his tone reflective, “that compels you to resist, to fight tooth and nail against even the slightest inclination of giving me your attention.”

The shift of your head carries the weight of your astonishment. What a far cry! Oh, this man was certainly in your good graces for being so utterly unheeding. “You think that’s the problem? If you are having trouble, picture this — and I am talking from the perspective of those netizens that so revere you — you, the Chief Justice, stand between the very apple of the Oratrice. Do you not see? You are reduced to a mere byproduct, an instrument of Fontaine's justice. And justice always prevails; partiality, love, does not. Despite your greatest efforts, your own prejudices aren’t accounted for on the scales.”

You hadn’t expected to find yourself on such a tangent, but the words flow irresistibly, and you surrender to them. “Consider it, mon chéri.” The term of endearment carries no warmth; instead, it is a taunt, a beckoning.

“Is that what you think of me? Detached?”

The parasol now rests on your shoulder, supported by the balance of it as both your arms find a more comforting rest on the cemented railing. “Oh, I like that word: detached. You stand out here, overlooking the city just about how you might an audience at the Opera Epiclese and it makes me wonder if you are even able to dream.” 

“I do not come here to daydream.”

A bitter smile pulls at your lips, its sharpness cutting through the soft rain. “Do not play that game with me. Your pastime is quite what you are doing now, and it makes you look like a defeated dog. Has no one inquired of it? Ever? Have you never been questioned about the shadows in your eyes, the perpetual distance in your gaze?”

“The inquiries of others matter little to me. I am simply here to seek solace,” he responds, his voice steady but with an undercurrent of weariness that speaks of long, lonely nights and endless responsibilities.

The cuffs of your sleeves are now soaked from the rain, but you find it a small diversion to focus on while listening to his rebuttal. “Proves my point,” you murmur, brushing away droplets as you speak. “Your solitude is not solace.”

A low laugh sounds from Neuvillette. “You mistake my solitude for avoidance, for I have long carried the weight of my duties alone — and changing this is no easy feat.”

Without a second thought, you grasp the handle of your parasol and extend it to shield him from the rain, sacrificing your own comfort for his. In doing so, you are left drenched, the cool droplets seeping through your garments. It is the first time in many months that you have afforded yourself the opportunity to truly study the smooth contours of his profile. His opalescent eyes, so often inscrutable, now glimmer with a mingling of hope — sending a sudden chill of the rain upon your skin that nearly causes you to shudder, and yet you endure it, thinking perhaps it would not be so terrible to experience what he does.

You offer a small, tentative smile. “No, it isn’t. But it is not impossible, either. You must allow yourself to be human, Neuvillette, with all the imperfections and vulnerabilities that come with it. This arrangement shall fail without your empathy.”

He immediately extends the parasol back toward you, the fleeting warmth an indulgence for only a millisecond before the chill breeze takes you in its clutches again.  “Madame, your clothes —”

“You sought out my company, so this is what you receive. Take it as a token of my gratitude, and nothing more — for I’d like us to be on good terms, given our ranking and status as of late,” you push the item in his hand away, obliging him to latch onto it like a lifeline before it blows into the pattern of the wind.

“And do not forget, we have a ball to attend to,” you add, albeit very plainly.

It is a warp of the way light catches on the fine lines of his face — you tell yourself — when his lips quirk into a fatigued smile. “I do not forget important things.”

a/n: hey... hi... do you guys even remember me ive been in hiding for so long I am so sorry school is horrible finals are horrible ive completed my FINAL official exam today but that doesn't mean I won't have any tests for the rest of the term I have left when I tell u I RUSHED to complete this .

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