#because this fandom is allergic to happiness

[prettymediocrewizard]

Ok hiii 1.) love your art especially the GuriTen/Monster stuff 2.) I was curious if you had any favorite head canons for the characters in Monster!

Hello! Thank you so much, I'm really happy when anyone enjoys my monster art (*꒦ິ꒳꒦ີ)♡ it means a lot to me!

and oh my god.. a headcanon ask, that's a first :0 ty ty!! I'll be brief about this because it's hard to think of any if not asked for specific headcanons on certain characters or scenarios so I will keep these not tied to any particular timelines and some are light-hearted n silly. They're just things I like to think about with some characters + some guriten since I've not spoken too much on them outside my sketches...

• Tenma is allergic to cats (specific to a scenario I've written in my head lol) • Nina and Lunge are ace • Grimmer prefers cheap wine while Tenma prefers nice beer • Dieter would love Pokemon/videogames • I like to imagine Nina and Eva become good friends • Jan Suk is the type to accidentally spill drinks all the time • I agree with everyone saying that Gillen had(/has) a crush on Tenma • Tenma would be really awkward with falling in love with Grimmer (honestly vice versa too, but Grimmer would have a lot more growing pains in terms of figuring out emotions)- but I think once Tenma settles into the role of his partner he'd be a lot more assertive and confident (aka tenma does top) • Tenma and Grimmer's home would eventually get filled with little knick knacks since Tenma can't resist giving gifts • Grimmer would probably take awhile to get used to a permanent home but when he does he starts a record collection

I'm still so new to the fandom so I think most of these headcanons have circulated in one way or another, plus reading what others write does help form some of these thoughts! I also love subtle things that breathe life into characters that would largely go unnoticed and are mostly unimportant but to me add little bits of depth to characters~ I try to add those to my drawings in a way (like adding a ring, specific props, Tenma's hair length, expressions, poses, clothing, whatever pops into my head...)

Thank you again for this ask! It was fun to list some headcanons out~~✨

[emotional-piece-of-meat]

Thinking about batboys doing average father-son activities with Bruce.

Dick and Bruce go shopping. Alfred did, does and, probably, will do it until the end of time, but since Dick lives in Blüdhaven he prefers to do it by himself. Sometimes Bruce offers help, sometimes Dick accepts it. At such moments, Dick lets Bruce pay and completely enjoys his nepo baby life. Bruce still doesn't know the value of money and can't estimate the cost of groceries, Dick still likes being wheeled around on a cart. He barely fits in there and the rest of the customers look at them weirdly, but Bruce has been used to close attention and has never been able to turn Dick down. They recklessly rush through the departments while new articles about the eccentric Brucie appear in the newspapers, then both get scolded by Alfred for buying all sorts of useless junk.

Jason and Bruce read together. Wayne's library is one of a few places in the mansion where Jason appears regularly and willingly. They don't even talk, just sit in one room, mostly in silence, punctuated by snorting or brief comments. Bruce has a lot of books he planned to read but always put off, so he uses this time to good advantage. Jason acknowledges his existence with a slight nod and on good days sits closer, almost enough to be in Bruce's space. Jason often rereads books, writes notes on transparent stickers that Alfred gave him and chews a pencil, thinking. Sometimes Bruce finds books on the table in his office, the same transparent sticker invariably says "You would like it" with a postscript in smaller letters at the bottom "or not, I don't care". Bruce always smiles softly, adding it to the top of his list.

Tim and Bruce go to the skate park. They both wear sunglasses and casual clothes, but those few parents who come with children still whisper to each other. For the first few times it's kind of awkward, Bruce is unsure what to do and Tim isn't used to attention from his parents, but they cope. Bruce ruffles Tim's hair, enjoying the way his eyes light up, and tries his best not to jump up every time Tim falls. He wears a protective gear set, Bruce insisted, and they both know that Red Robin has been through the worst, but Bruce has little control over the mother hen regime. In the evening, coming home, they buy ice cream and coffee for the night extracurricular activities, and if Tim pretends to be asleep while Bruce carries him out of the car, no one mentions it.

Damian and Bruce go to the cinema. Damian isn't used to pop-culture, and Dick is convinced that this tragedy should be solved. Damian says it's a senseless waste of time and he has more significant stuff to do, but always looks forward to these days. It's mostly cartoons, ideally with animals in the main roles. Damian loves cartoons, and he is less ashamed of admitting it when Bruce says he loves them too. They eat something that Alfred would disapprove of, stay for a short time after the credits and constantly walk home by foot. Damian doesn't ask for uppies, he would never, Bruce picks him up and puts him on his shoulders anyway. Damian likes to be on high, for Bruce it's not even a workout, just a warm-up weight and he tries not to think bitterly that he isn't able to do this with his other children anymore. Sometimes they talk quietly, sometimes just enjoy each other's company. Sometimes Damian falls asleep, knowing perfectly well his father won't let him fall, and Bruce holds him tightly to not let him down.

It's weirdly cozy for their life, almost normal. It's not better, they would choose vigilante life anyway, they already did, but it's nice to feel from time to time. They appreciate it, even if they don't say it out loud.

[h0ped3lusion]

I'm such a loser for post-apocalyptic and fallen civilization settings or something similar to that trope

Bonus points if it has something to do with some kind of spreading illness that cursed the land—

[kyri45]

✨ShadowPeach Bio Parents Bio AU Q&A! 17/11✨

Welcome to the Q&A! A space where I can answer related or similar question about the Shadowpeach Bio Parents AU! If you submitted your ask anonimously, then you’ll have to check the whole post if it’s answered here, if it’s not, worry not! Your asks might have been used for a future comic or just in the queue~

Anonimo ha chiesto: (Baby Mk trying to wake up macaque) Macaque: Wukong your son's awake Wukong: Before sunrise he's your son. Lol lion King reference

Aaaaaaahhh I love it! I was thinking the same!

Anonimo ha chiesto: I wonder if MK is experiencing any other Yaoguai urges? Besides his crush instincts and fun Monkey habits and behaviors.

mmmmm I think he mostly sometimes starts a tantrum in monkey style, where he starts to move a lot and jumps around

Anonimo ha chiesto: So like do macaque and wukong have rings or anything like now I think it would be cute if they renewed their vow.

I think I need to go study traditional chinese weddings traditions

l@ovingshadowpeaches ha chiesto: Ohhh my gosh i finally have the balls to send you this ask!! I adore your shadowpeach bio parents AU SO SO SO MUCH, your art style is so satisfying and mesmerising to look at, the plot is chefs kiss and I hope you know I LOVE all the soysauce duo content i am being fed and our Macaque introject adores it because the MK he knows is his son and your comic makes him feel a lot more valid and closer to his boy, your comic is so comforting to both him and me. I can't wait to see how it all plays out and I can't express enough how much we love love this comic!! All the love!!! GAH!!!

awww tysm for your ask!!!! :')

Anonimo ha chiesto: I think that is hilarious that macaque yoinked the great sage. Also other demons jealous Mac?!?! I need more jealous mac. I can only imagine it went like, Here is a basket of delicious peaches for your enjoyment. Excuse me while I go beat the shit out this demon for trying to take you away (Not that they could even if they got past Macaque).

hehe meanwhile Wukong's ego grows tenfold

Anonimo ha chiesto: SHADOWPEACH BIO PARENT AU The last question had me saying: what was Pigsy's and Tang's reaction to Mk's l̶o̶v̶e̶r̶ crush on Red Son? And also the court napping thing?

I think at first they didn't believe it, then they realized what happened, and didn't know wheter being shocked or not since they should have absolutely saw it coming.

@vex--lynn ha chiesto: Do you find it crazy how much you've affected the Fandom, like you've taken it by storm! It's kinda like when "Garden across our collarbone" took over the Fandom. In the end, we're left crying happy tears. I'm so happy to have found this comic while it was still being made cause I feel like I'm part of the adventure of these crazy monkies! I wish you nothing but the best for you!! <3

BRO u CAN'T JUST PULL OUT THAT NAME AND MINE IN THE SAME CONTEXT. That fic is like an atomic bomb I'm just a humble artist drawing gay monkies.

Anonimo ha chiesto: I just want you to know that your LMK comic is getting me through a really hard time in my life right now. It really helps to have something to smile about and look forward to. Thank you so much for all the recent fluff. It brings me a lot of joy. 💕 Awwww tysm!!

Aww that's so nice to hear!

Anonimo ha chiesto: Okay since mac has 6 sensitive ears... wouldn't be sometimes hard for him...? l mean what if there was very strong noises like fireworks or smt around!? U know what is the best solution for this!! Mac lying down between wukong's arms and put his head on chest and listen to his heartbeat!!! This will absolutely will calm him down right? I WANNA SEE THIS IN YOUR COMICS PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAASS

askjcbaicbasc that's sooooo cute! Maybe, perhaps, in the future, who knows....

Anonimo ha chiesto: Is it slowly building back up to shadowpeach getting back together or? 🤔 idk their relationship status rn

situationship so bad these 2 are sleeping together and have a kid but still are allergic to flirt like normal people.

Anonimo ha chiesto: Got a question about Sun Wukong being trans. I know he probably uses glamour to hide his ✨✨boobies✨✨. But like, is he also using tape or are they kinda just... Out Cause now I'm thinking about the times we've seen him shirtless so like... ???

before he learned to shapeshift he mostly used bandages since that's all he could do at the time. Now MK is teaching him what binders are and he couldn't be more grateful.

@ayrza ha chiesto: I know you may not share it, or even read it, but I need to get it out of me. Do you realize that MK has only had father figures and no mother figures? Which means that the simple word "MAMA" carries too much sentimental weight and that's... 🥹 THIS COULD NOT BE MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN YOU ALREADY MADE IT!!! MY BABY SAID MAMA!!!! 😭✨💖

o my gAAAAHHD I THINK THAT WAS UNINTENTIONAL OF ME BUT THIS CHANGES EVERYTHINGGG

@s-p-r-i-n-g-t-i-m-e ha chiesto: question: what does MK call Pigsy and Tang? Anonimo ha chiesto: I love the new post i am crying 😢 😭 But I do have a question is mac mama and wukong Baba, or is wukong Mama and mac baba this is an important question I have for you???

Pigsy is "Dad" and Tang is "Papa". Mac is "Mama" and Wukong is "Baba"

Anonimo ha chiesto: I’ve seen many many drawings and intereptations of Mac being all piecered, especially on his ears cause if you have six, you gotta use em. Does macaque have any piercings in your au or is his ears too sensitive for that in your mind? Does he like to fidigit with them or any body else?

mmmm he can perfectly have it. I think he would have a few, but only rings and like each of them is far from the others in the lobe area because I can imagine someone with sensitive Hearing wouldn't like to hear the sounds of metal or earrings tingeling every time he moves around.

@alchemical-spill-on-aisle-three ha chiesto: In your shadowpeach comic, is Mei going to help MK with his crush? I just think it would be really funny if they got into hijinks while trying to get MK and Redson together lol

Mei is the one who organized their sparring meetings in the first place. She was Spicynoodle number 1 fan since the beginning.

@straightally2001 ha chiesto: Hmm... if Kai is gonna be MK and Red Son's son does that mean that Nya is gonna be Mei's daughter?

Omg yes. But guys don't tempt me or I might make a "Spicynoodle 50 years later/ninjago crossover" comic the size of the shadowpeach one if we go down this path

Anonimo ha chiesto: If mk is a trans does he still get period?

yes

Anonimo ha chiesto: what is MK’s favorite thing about red boy?

The fact that he tries to hide his emotions but his fire powers reflects them out of his control. MK thinks it's very cute.

Anonimo ha chiesto: So, are you ever going to make a sick episode for the bio dads? I am asking because I am sick, and it would be interesting to see what they are like when sick.

nope sorry. donesn't fit in the current schedule. But MK will go at the hospital at some point if that's of any reassuring.

@sokda-lal-ashes ha chiesto: Do you have why doodles that aren't exactly in the stories but that fits your bio parents au? I love your art so much!! Especially your redson design!!!

Yes but they are spoilers. Sorryyy

Anonimo ha chiesto: Wukong: hay don't forget to eat breakfast. Macaque: what are you talking about I just ate Wukong: you had espresso & anit depressants that is not a meal. Macaque (repeats mocking Wukong) I don't need your judgement I feel like the whole being revived thinks makes macaque sometimes not realize he's hungry or thirsty

ahah how much I relate (I don't take antidepressant but a lot of magnesium bc of mood swings)

@astro-lmk-enjoyer ha chiesto: Wait… if macaque gets his power from a lunar eclipse, does that mean that wukong gets his power from a solar eclipse? Bye <3

Anonimo ha chiesto: Oh so I just had a thought! Since the light hair streaks are being caused by a lunar eclipse because Macaque draws his powers from the moon, is the opposite true for Wukong? Are any of his powers from the sun and would something happen if there was a solar eclipse? Love all the world building in your comics its all so good!!!

mmm I don't think that's how it works.

Anonimo ha chiesto: wait, so since the brotherhood knew about Macaque courtnapping Wukong, did they ever have to witness the monstrosity of cuddles and affection you describe Shadowpeach when they’re together? I could only imagine the awkwardness. Or many they’re totally cool with them being open with each other right in front of them. I know th3 brotherhood won’t show up in your comic as you’ve said before but a fan can only dream.

Oh yeah. O yeah they did.

@shamelesschopshopwasteland ha chiesto: How are Macaque and Wukong? Do they spend time with each other outside of sleeping? (Also I love you AU!!! <3)

Macaque still works from time to time to the Dojo in weekdays, and also likes his alone time, but has been spendind more time with Wukong to help the other monkeys and telling stories about what happened in all those years they missed when they were still enemies.

Anonimo ha chiesto: (I LOVE YOUR ART SM IFDJKEWVJHA, make sure to take breaks!!) Considering Macaque doesn't like the cold. (I love that HC so much, especially because I like to HC that he's freezing 24/7 can only warm up with hot springs and touch but not actual heat/the sun) How would Macaque react in a snowstorm/winter. Would he just bundle up a lot or lock himself in a room or something similar?

3 layers of jackets and self-heating socks when he's going around, otherwise Hot springs every evening.

Anonimo ha chiesto: what other nicknames/pet names does SWK and Macaque have for one another beside peaches and plum?

mmm I think Sun and Moon

@patienceandpokemon ha chiesto: Okay, rip my heart out with happiness in P7 of Monkie trio with the moonlight reveal why don't you?! THANK YOU! But in seriousness, in the latest bit . . Are Mac and MK recharging their shadow powers under the moonlight? Is that why Mac never really attacked in season 1-3 in your AU of LMK, unless there had been a full moon prior? Or am I snowballing into unrelated territory? Anywho, love the comic! He's so fucking fluffy and white like a pearl! And MK, baby fluff!!!!!

Wait he actually did it in the series?? I never noticed!

Anonimo ha chiesto: Soooooo we know Macaque did the courtnapping for shadowpeach so who did the courtnapping for the demon bull family? PIF or DBK👀

I think PIF did?

@boonalina ha chiesto: Question: In your AU, when exactly did Mac and PIF become sworn siblings? Cuz we know Wuk and Mac were sworn bros with DBK, and then DBK "betrayed" them by getting together with PIF. So when exactly would Mac have become sworn siblings with her? Was it like during the time Wukong was under the mountain or smth? Cuz it does seem like Mac drifted apart from the Brotherhood when Wukong was imprisoned.

this is a fandom headcanon, but I believe it was a little after Wukong was imprisoned, and a little after Macaque was revived

[foxqueen211]

Redraw from this part because @artepti makes me go crazy with their au. I swear, first Shadowpeach bio parents au, then Lovingly Led to Ruin I swear to god this fandom is allergic to happiness (Im one of them) Also... WHAAAAT? ONE OF MY FAV LMK ARTISTS FOLLOWS ME?

[two-ii-tango]

faith characters doing Normal People things because i am SICK and TIRED of this fandom being allergic to happiness

[lvnesart]

someone i know said that crepus was abusive to diluc and kaeya. people are allergic to correct characterisation i guess

I'm gonna be so real. I want gonna answer any asks until later today but the second I saw this notification I needed to respond

My biggest ick with this fandom, specifically when it comes to Crepus or Kaeya's biological father, is how people are sooo quick to slap the abusive title onto them. And I KNOW people like to say Crepus is abusive because he was strict and he expected the best out of Diluc. You know, like SOME parents usually are?? I'd be more surprised if a parent expected nothing? Especially in a family like theirs wherein not only is he training for knighthood but Crepus intends Diluc (maybe even Kaeya) to inherit the wine business. I think its completely fair if Crepus expects the best out of his boys.

Is Diluc taking it all to heart and feeling like his dad wouldn't be happy with his choices a negative consequence of this? Yeah! But do you really think that if Crepus lived and Knew how he made him feel, he would continue to push him to perfection?? We don't KNOW him

Plus, lets be real, Diluc is an unreliable narrator in his own life. He went on fatui murder sprees, badmouths the knights, and is actively butting heads with his brother. Yeah I wouldn't think my dad would be so happy either lmao

[celaenaeiln]

Thank you so much for debunking the whole "Dick was a super angry child" thing the fandom has been pressing hard for the last few years it's one of my pet peeve characterization for him. (The other him being a Playboy) Does he get angry of course he does he's only human but he's usually very level head and even if he was the "Angry Robin" when he first started he was 8 years old and just lost his parents! I feel like anyone especially a child would be hurt and angry then but he didn't want revenge he wanted justice. He was a sweet child who just wanted to make his parents proud.

og post in question

Yes!!

Actually another anon asked me about this too a while ago - that I'll be getting back to soon - and I began writing right away but then I just couldn't. I had to put it on hold because I was overwhelmed by the sheer amount of evidence that Dick was a happy robin. Not A happy robin, THE happy robin. I was exhausted because I didn't know where to begin, there was just too much evidence. I needed to create a separate post first.

It makes me so mad when i see Angry Dick Grayson posts because it's not even an interpretation of events. There's nothing to debate, there's no doubt, there's no question, there's no confusion, there's nothing to contest - HE WASN'T AN ANGRY ROBIN.

Jason says it himself! And unlike people in the fandom who've never read a comic in their life but like running their mouth off, he would actually know because he studied Dick. He watched all of Dick's videos when he was Robin. 11 years worth of videos. And this is what he says about Dick's robin:

Suicide Squad: Get Joker Issue #1

Jason straight up says that Dick was the happy robin. And that's just Jason. There's still Tim, Damian, Bruce, Alfred, Clark, the Justice League, and the Titans who talk about it.

Frankly it boggles my mind when I hear people who write takes say that Dick was an angry robin because even if they've never read any of the robin comics, they should at least know what he was like from what the adult characters say right? Did they really never stop and wonder why Jason keeps talking about not being Dick when he argues with Bruce? Or why Tim was so obsessed with Dick aside from knowing him from the circus? Or why Bruce writes entire monologues about how Dick saved him? Or why Alfred goes on massive rants about how Dick was the best thing ever to happen to Bruce and him or why he started crying and mourning when Dick merely left as Robin? Did no one stop to consider when they started going around saying he wasn't happy?

Honestly Angry Robin Dick Grayson characterization is a black hole of logic and intelligence.

The reason it became so popular is because it's a logical fallacy and logical fallacies sound convincing. This particular argument is the hasty generalization logical fallacy. Hasty generalization is when a statement is made after one or two examples rather than relying on extensive research to back up a claim.

For example: I got sick after eating pizza from Aleano's. Therefore, I must be allergic to pizza.

Proponents of angry robin dick characterization choose one example from decades of writing to claim that he was angry after his parents died which-seriously? Besides you'll start to notice that people who write those takes will never provide evidence because it's near possible to find something that doesn't exist. Sure one or two out of context photos might be provided but that's the best they can do to support that type of characterization. As much as we wish we were magicians from Hogwarts, no amount of wishing is going to transfigure the hundreds of comics filled with happy robin to him being an angry monster.

Also it's ridiculous that type of character because they're saying that if he's upset that his parents died, then he's an angry character. But if the Joker's happy that random people died, then he's a psycho. What do they want?! And that's not even the whole truth of it either. Dick was massively sad more than he was angry. He was taken away from his circus family and is left alone like all the time now. His life changed in a second - he's depressed. But he was able to work through it and that's how Robin was created.

Dick was not Robin when he went after Tony Zucco. The reason Bruce made him Robin was specifically because he admitted he didn't want Tony Zucco dead.

The problem is people sometimes hyperfocus so much on one detail that they forget the big picture. They centered 11 years of Robin characterization around one moment.

Let's get the facts straight. Robin is a success story. The greatness of Dick wasn't just that he was the smart, the best of the ages, and the greatest athelete - no. His greatness is that he is able to move. ON. He can do what Bruce never could. He could move on and take his parents death and turn it into something positive. He was able to overcome grief and not dwell in the past.

That's why he was able to be happy. That's why Bruce couldn't. And that's why Bruce needed Dick because Dick made him happy.

Alfred says this about Dick as Robin -

Robin: Year One Issue #1

"The addition of Dick Grayson into the Master's crusade has made a difference in him." "I do believe I saw him smile. There have been occasions in the pantry when I could just discern the muffled sounds of laughter echoeing up from that dreadful cavern beneath the manor."

People don't seem to understand. Alfred never approved Bruce's tenure as Batman. He loathed it so much he punched Bruce for it. It was Dick's light and goodness that changed Bruce's mind because he saw how happy Dick made him and how happy of a child he himself was.

And Dick? He never changed his personality in or out of costume.

Robin: Year One Issue #2

"He doesn't seem to struggle to lead a normal adolescence." "He's had no need to develop the masquerade that Master Bruce felt necessary." "His personality remains the same with or without the mask and boots. "

He's not the troubled kid some people seem to think he is. He wasn't mean or selfish or cast aside or raging moodily in a corner. Actually in the Batman (1940) and Detective Comics, he was seen as a role model for how helpful and kind he was. He was actually the one who went out of his way to help troubled kids because of his kindness, goodness, and empathy.

Checkmate (2006) Issue #14

Checkmate is a member of Task Force X under Amanda Waller and an ally of Batman's. She knows him. She knows what Dick was to him and Dick even mourns about the time when Bruce used to be happy. It was his joy and personality that did that.

Of course my argument isn't to be taken one sidedly saying he was constantly happy 24/7, all the time, in every occasion - no. Emotions are a spectrum and no one feels one emotion all the time. Thats silly. But, your personality outlook is based on what you feel most of the time. Dick sometimes got angry, sometimes got sad, etc. But in a dichotomy between happy and angry there is no doubt, no question, that he was overwhelmingly on the happy side.

There's a reason why everyone calls him happy. It's because for an overwhelming majority of the time, he was the happy robin.

52 Issue #25

Way back in the Batman (1940) comic Dick says, "I became Robin, history's first sidekick. And there I was, the laughing boy daredevil--"

Batman and Robin (2009) Issue #9

You can call him crazy, excitable, feral, overexcellent, etc. But never forget that Bruce once went insane after locking himself in a simulator that emulated Robin Dick Grayson's joy.

The incontestable truth - Dick was a happy robin.

[justatalkingface]

If we already on Aizawa talk, it’s pretty obvious that Hori wanted to create another kakashi.

But he ultimately failed to understand what made Kakashi so popular, kakashi also wasn’t that much liked in part 1… while Aizawa is worshipped in the fandom as a saint that can’t do anything wrong.

Kakashi regretted everything at the end of part 1 and improved so much by the time of part 2.

Aizawa took 2 wars to apologize to izuku, and even then it was felt half assed.

Fundamentally, I think the thing is that Kakashi is a character that belongs in the Naruto setting. Like. He's a character that makes sense; his motivations make sense, his actions make sense... he fits.

Eraserhead, though, is unironically just all of Kakashi's beats copied onto MHA, but... you know, he's not in ninja land, so a lot of his actions don't make sense? He is a character that exists in MHA, not one that fits in it.

For example: we know Kakashi teaches because he's basically mandated by law, as part of a master apprentice system. Because the village helped raise him as high as it did (along with it being an absolute military dictatorship built around trying to monopolize violence), he's obligated to give back to it by helping raise the next generation.

Moreover, it quickly became apparent that he liked teaching. He may not have been the best at it early on, but the man unironically seemed to have a blast fucking around with teaching them every day, even before he really became attached. Also, he actually taught them things.

Aizawa teaches because he... likes teaching...? *flashes back to every moment where Aizawa basically says, 'Don't you dare child anywhere I can possibly perceive you* along with... peer pressure. Apparently.

He's in a school, where he's expected to teach entire classes of children all day, five days a week... but he seems to hate that?

He's admitted, I think on multiple occasions, that he hasn't taught them anything, (which I agree with, since he generally just exists nearby while the kids teach them damn selves.)

Another notable flaw is Hori fundamentally misunderstands why Kakashi wouldn't shut up about 'underneath the underneath' before Shippuden (where all subtly flew out the window): because the man is a fucking ninja, in a world populated by ninja, dominated by ninja wars, teaching ninja children how to be ninja.

By definition, they're supposed to be paranoid, unhappy little shits that'd sooner kill someone than believe a word they say, because that means they would have better odds of surviving the hellscape that is Naruto.

Aizawa, meanwhile. is teaching heroes. Public figures. And not only that, he's teaching how not to trust badly.

Kakashi's lessons are practical, yet calculated: when he tricks them, it's always light, harmless teasing, or a dead ass serious lesson on, 'if you keep doing this kind of thing some asshole is going to stab you'. Even though he's doing all that, though, there's never a doubt in the kid's minds to trust him if he gets serious because his happy go lucky persona is clearly that: a persona. It's just one more mask he wears, which means Serious Business is clearly separated from Silly Kakashi Fun Time.

Aizawa teaches them... that he's lazy, he hates them, and that he's allergic to the truth. That's... that's it. No matter how much he pretends it's a lesson, it's really just his personality, so the kids have no reason to trust anything he tells them without evidence.

Fundamentally, their trust in him should be so broken that it actually puts them in danger, because there really doesn't seem to be anything he takes seriously, so when he tells them something important.... they say, 'Cite?', instead of acting on what he says, because of all the other times he told them something 'important', and it was 'jUsT a LOgiCaL RUse'.

Unironically, the fact that this man was never fired actually breaks my suspension of disbelief more than the idea of superpowers ever will, and the fact that he's never gotten any of the kids he's 'taught' killed flat out destroys it. I've mentioned it before, but his behavior logically would have gotten some of that class murdered because of how little they trusted him.

All of that combined, I think, is why he's designated The Mouth of Hori, given that 'sacred' role to push whatever message Hori wants to readers to get: because he's not a character in his own right, he's a half assed Naruto character randomly put there to get viewership, so whatever out of nowhere action he does to push Hori's agenda doesn't distract from all the other out of nowhere actions he does to push Hori's agenda.

[hazshit-hotel-hater]

Niffty Redesign! (3/7)

Holy shit was not expecting to finish in the same day much less in like… under 4 hours??? IDK IM HAPPY WITH HER THOUGH!!!!

My biggest inspiration this time was lovebugs and specifically this LPS lovebug

Yes im colour picking Niffty from a littlest pet shop. Who is gonna stop me? Hasbro? They don’t even own LPS anymore!

Im making Niffty a bit tanner because while I see it a lot in other fandoms, I don’t ever see tan asian people in the Hazbin fandom, tbh this place seems like its allergic to melanin in general. There’s also a lot of stigmatisation around POC women in Hazbin like I’ve mentioned before. I plan on having Niffty deal with a decent chunk of stuff later on, a lot of it relating to obessions and romance and learning how to manage feelings like that and keep relationships with other people.

I wanted her socks to be cute but also held up by a garter belt so you can gather she’s got something going on. People seem to stray away from the topic of Niffty and sex or romance because they see her as a child or have infantalised her in some way. Yes ik I talk about this all the time but like GOD it pisses me off.

Her maid dress is actually a much darker shade of hot pink to the point its not really hot pink anymore but it is I promise

Niffty’s main sins are lust, wrath, and envy, seeing as she is a lovebug and also her current backstory is killing a lover out of jealousy. The redder pink parts are supposed to be a mix of lust and wrath so I hope that comes across well?

The same thing can be said about her clothes and all that. With her dress and the reddish hearts it’s supposed to be like “in one sin there’s another” but idk how well I pulled it off. The stitched up heart is also supposed to represent her hopeful/eventually redemption. I’d like to give Niffty more character than just “crazy small lady” so I’ll be trying to balance being somewhat like that with also being a bit sensible. I think it definitely could be done but I have doubts Viv will do much with it.

It really sucks that the POC characters and especially women they just get reduced to one or two traits and then thats it. Viv already is terrible at writing women and I think writing Niffty for her is just boring because, again, she cannot write women. 90% of this rewrite is me saving the women/hj

There will be more indepth Niffty content from me eventually, as of now this is my backbone for her design and overall story. Btw I think her rubber gloves are cute but make really annoying squeaking sounds 24/7. No idea if I’ll pull off another fast design like this, but we shall see!🐐

[nikethestatue]

Happy birthday to my bestie, my mate, my Elriel sister @tswaney17

I wouldn't have joined this fandom without her. So if anything, blame her! Jokes aside, I hope you have a marvelous year and meet your own stranger in the night. Please enjoy!

One shot

Summary: Elain Archeron is celebrating her birthday and happens to meet an enigmatic and mysterious stranger who upends her world

She smoothed her black bodysuit over her hips, though it wasn’t wrinkled and then tousled her hair, in what she hoped, was sexy, beachy curls.  

Anyone else would’ve told her that she looked great—well put together, elegant, and not trying too hard. But to her self-critical eye, she saw a slew of imperfections. Hips too wide, breasts too large, stumpy fingers...She could stand here all night and critique herself, but what would be the point? It was what it was, right? Some part of her though, liked what stared back. The black bodysuit hugged her in all the right places, and paired with strappy golden heels and some delicate gold jewelry, she looked...nice. Not quite her 31 years old. Her friends always said that she was a ‘young 30’. She looked about 24. But inside, there were days when she felt 78.  

Oh well. Time to go. That’s not to say that she didn’t want to back out of her solo restaurant trip about 25 times today. Internally, she’s been telling herself that she is too busy, too tired, too poor, and that staying in with a bottle of wine and pizza would be just fine. Another part of her wanted to get out. Even if she looked like a loser, dining alone. At least it was a Wednesday night—not the weekend—so she could theoretically make up a story of being on a business trip. Not that anyone’s going to ask. But she needed that security blanket for herself: “I am eating alone, because I am here on business’. Yeah, that sounded legit. She was a successful, professional woman, determined and confident, and she was on business in Chicago.  

She grabbed her clutch and headed out.  

It was a warm evening by Chicago standards. The middle of April could be blustery or it could be blistering. You never knew. Tonight was lovely, actually. Trees were in full bloom—white, pink, yellow, assertive red, purple, even blue—bursting in flowers of every shape and size along the streets of her neighbourhood.  

Beatrice was a quint restaurant in Fulton Market. Or as ‘quaint’ as a restaurant could be in the bustling, hipster corner of the city. She only knew it because she’d come here before with her stylish, popular co-worker, Morrigan. She recalled how Mor wore a pristine baby blue bodysuit, sky-high heels, and a sparkling silver belt studded with glittery gemstones. Mor’s hair was a waterfall of golden blonde, which cascaded sensually down her back. Her skin was flawless. Her makeup was perfection, and her nails the right shade of pearl. When they were seated, all the girls in the party immediately rattled off a list of things they didn’t eat, were allergic to, and ‘avoided’. Mor announced that she was ‘celiac’ in a tone that implied that obviously she was celiac! And then proceeded to order bread. When the waiter told her that bread has gluten, Mor said that ‘she was allowed to today’.  

Back then, she’d ordered something called the Straight ‘A’ Salad, not wanting to tuck into something juicy and fatty in front of everyone. It ended up being empty and unsatisfying. But she still wanted to go back there, because the other items on the menu looked good, the vibe was nice and not overwhelming, and the drinks were inventive. If nothing else, she’d get her full in alcohol. 

“Follow me, Miss,” the hostess beckoned her and she scurried quickly between tables, wanting to be seated as soon as possible. 

It was nice. The table was by the wall, and she could see inside the restaurant and out the window. She laid her clutch on the table and exhaled. She was here. She was in her place, in her chair.  

She made it. 

“Are we celebrating anything tonight, Miss?” the waiter asked, when he approached with the menu. 

“Oh no,” she laughed, “I am on a business trip.” 

“And do you have any allergies?” 

“No!” she stated decisively. No. She is going to eat what she wanted. No faux allergies for her. 

The drinks menu looked a bit intimidating. Lots of things with Mezcal and Elderflower and words like ‘smoked’ and ‘hibiscus ginger kombucha’. After discreetly googling what kombucha was, she gagged and decided on a Lemond Drop. Safe and sound. 

The waiter wasn’t exactly impressed by her choice, but she didn’t care. Instead, she ordered Cheddar Popovers with bacon butter, and green chili queso for appetizers. It harkened back to her California upbringing, where things were less formal, the food less complicated, and the loneliness less acute. She suddenly and desperately missed her sisters, who lived back home. She missed the sun, tacos, trips to Sacramento and the simpler life she had back home.  

Sighing, she sipped her cocktail and looked around. It was fairly bustling, couples and friends chatting animatedly, drinking their complicated drinks and laughing. But...she felt okay. Not amazing, but okay. It was peaceful.  

It felt peaceful until her eyes fell on a singular, solitaire figure of a man, who sat at the bar, with a drink in front of him. The reason she even paid attention to him was because he was literally breathtakingly beautiful. So handsome, her breath stalled in her chest. Big. So goddamn big, it felt like he was sucking the air into the vortex of a black hole that he’d created just by simply...being. He sat, unmoving, in a sharply cut suit and a white shirt, unbuttoned at his neck. The other reason why she looked at him was because he was staring back at her. Big, bold, unflinching stare. Those incredible, luminescent eyes almost glared at her, and she wished she’d know what colour they were. The man’s face remained impassive, but he continued staring, even once she’s averted her eyes and squirmed in her seat. And now, all she could feel was his stare, following her every move. It was suddenly hot, and she felt her nipples pop like tiny Whack-A-Moles beneath her bodysuit. Served her right for not wearing a bra! Jesus Mary and Joseph. Well, her evening was ruined just like that. Instead of being at peace with her lemon drop and her popovers, she was not being scorched by the gaze of this absurdly handsome man, and all she wanted to do was look his way and see if he was still looking at her. While she didn’t want him to be looking at her. But she wanted to make sure that he was. Oh, god. What. The. Hell. 

She was on the verge of fanning herself, before realising that she’d be looking like she was having hot flashes, and it was too early for that. Her nipples were hard as bullets and she was forced to cover her breasts with her folded arms, just to maintain some sense of decorum. As she ‘busied’ herself with her drink, she snuck a momentary glance at the man. He was still there, but no longer looking at her. Instead, he was on his phone, and a deep sense of regret and longing washed over her at once. 

He was interested in her for 23 seconds.  

That was it. 

But she supposed that for the most handsome man in the world to take notice of her for 23 seconds was sufficient enough. 

“Miss, your popovers,” the waiter stepped up to the table, placing one plate down in front of her, and then the other, “and queso. Please be careful, it’s hot.” 

The food looked fine, but somehow, she no longer felt particularly hungry. She wasn’t sure if it was because the man was no longer looking at her, or because he was looking at her before. Did she want him to look at her? No. No, she didn’t. He was entirely outside her comfort zone, with his piercing gaze and his unnaturally good looks and he was definitely a player, so there was no need for all of this.  

On her birthday, all she wanted was peace and quiet. She didn’t need smouldering men giving her the death stare. Instead, she forced herself to concentrate on her food. The popovers were light and fluffy and crispy on the outside, and the bacon butter was to die for. Sinful, but so, so good. 

She sunk into her seat, enjoying her cocktail and alternating between the popovers and then the rich, spicy queso. She was still deciding on the main course—penne with spicy vodka sauce? Slow cooked short rib?  

“Miss,” 

Her contemplation was interrupted by the waiter, who was holding a drink. 

“From the gentleman at the bar,” he said and placed the drink in front of her. 

Her mouth fell open. Whaaat... 

Timidly, she allowed her eyes to travel to the bar and sure enough, there he was. Staring. A small, secret smile touched his beautiful mouth and he inclined his head just a bit. She didn’t exactly know how to act in these situations. Was she supposed to drink the drink that he sent? Invite him over? Go over there herself? Ignore him like a total douche? 

Okay, first things first. She raised the pretty coupe glass to her lips and tentatively sipped the drink. Sour and smokey, with a touch of sweetness and heavy on lemon flavour, this was definitely a whiskey drink. And she didn’t like whiskey. But for some reason, she really liked this. She took another sip, a bolder one, and then glanced at the man. He was smiling, as he watched her drink, and when she swallowed, he winked at her. Approving? Enjoying watching her? Smug? Pleased? She wasn’t sure. But she... 

“Ready to order, Miss?” the waiter was back, and she absently said ‘fish tacos’ which isn’t what she even wanted, but she was too scrambled to come up with a better idea. “Very good,” the waiter chirped, and before he disappeared, she said, “can you ask the gentleman who bought the drink to join me?” 

Her throat was dry. Her underarms were sweaty. 

WHAT was she doing?? 

She never did anything like this before? Inviting strange men to eat with her? Never! 

“If he wants to,” she added quickly and the waiter nodded.  

God, please say no. Please. Please god, let him say no. I don’t want it. I don’t. 

There he was. Moving through the restaurant like the Angel of Death. Dark and tall and slim and muscular. Jesus. He was actually coming over! Oh. No. Nononononono. 

And then he was standing at her table, how own drink in hand. 

“I wasn’t sure if Whiskey Sour was the way to go,” he said—his deep, dark, raspy voice matching his appearance to a tee. "But it looks like I did well.” 

She swallowed hard and then muttered, “Is that what it is?” 

Yep, it sounded lame even to her own ears. 

“Indeed,” he confirmed. “First time?” 

Somehow, this made her blush. A simple question, and a correct assumption, but for some reason, it was laced with innuendo. 

Their eyes finally locked.  

Hazel. His eyes are a gorgeous greenish amber colour, spectacular like the rest of him. 

He took a sip of his drink and slowly dragged the tip of his tongue over his lower lip, swiping the droplet and that made her even sweatier than she was before. Soon she was going to be sweating like a sumo wrestler—which of course is the most enticing look a woman could sport.  

“No, I’ve had it before,” she finally managed to answer. 

He smirked a knowing smile. 

“Have you?”  

As he was looming over her and attracting way too much attention from the females of the species, and even some males, she all but ordered him, “you can sit down!” 

He smiled again, that smooth, secret smile, saying, “I thought you’d never ask”. 

She didn’t know what to say to that, so she just watched him in silence as he slid onto a chair across from her.  

“Thanks for the drink,” feeling awfully uncomfortable, knowing she was not great at small talk, and completely out of depth with this man, she thought that this was all a pretty bad idea. What was supposed to have been a quiet and nice evening alone, was turning into...well, she wasn’t sure what it was turning into, but it was something.  

“You aren’t waiting for anyone, are you?” he asked, sounding curious. “I wouldn’t need to fight a boyfriend or something...I mean, I’ll win, but,” 

She huffed, and snorted a laugh. 

“So confident?” 

He shrugged, “pretty confident”. After a pause, he pressed, “so?” 

“No,” she blushed despite her best efforts to appear cool. “I am here alone. On a business trip,” she lied smoothly, grateful for having this little nugget in her pocket.  

He crossed his legs and leaned back in his chair, lounging comfortably. Suddenly, he said,  

“Nope. Try again.” 

Startled, she glowered at him, not knowing what he meant. All the while, as she squirmed in confusion, he casually drank his whiskey, watching her closely. 

“What,” she brought her glass to her lips and took a generous swig of the drink, “what do you mean?” 

“Only that you are not being exactly truthful,” he shrugged, and then grabbed a popover and swallowed the whole thing easily. “You aren’t here on any business trip.” 

“What?!” she exclaimed with indignation. “Excuse me! How do you know? What do you mean?” 

His eyes slowly slid over her bare arms, her chest, her neck, and again, she blushed like a fool, but there was no stopping her body’s reaction to this strange man. 

He was...enigmatic.  

“A beautiful woman like you, wearing something so elegant and understated,” 

Understated? Did he mean boring? 

“is not in Chicago on any business trip. So, that makes me think—if you aren’t waiting for anyone, and you are dressed up, then you must be,” he cocked his head, considering, “celebrating something? A new job? A birthday?” 

Most of his words rolled right over her head, because all she heard was ‘a beautiful woman like you’. He thought that she was beautiful? He? HE thought that?  

“What?” she asked dumbly. 

He chuckled, amused. “You are a little naughty liar, is what I am saying,” 

“You can’t call me that!” 

“Then don’t lie to me.” 

She bubbled her lips and finished her drink. Finished already? Shit. 

He noticed it too and motioned for the waiter.  

“Another drink for the lady,” he ordered. “And I’ll take another whiskey. And,” he thought for a moment and added, “bring us a bottle of champagne.” He looked at her and asked, “what are you eating?” 

“I think I ordered fish tacos,” she recalled, watching him in confusion.  

“Want to eat them?” 

“I dunno.” 

“Mind if I cancel them and order us steaks?” 

“Uhh...okay?” 

He did just that, telling the waiter that he’d pay for the tacos as well.  

Who the hell was this guy? He flicked his fingers and just got whatever he wanted. The waiter didn’t even question him! ‘Of course, sir’ ‘Whatever you want, sit’ ‘Right away, sir’.  

“So, is it your birthday?” he asked once the waiter ran to fetch the drinks. Literally, ran.  

“No.” 

His brows knitted together and he pursed his lips. 

Something about him and his look made goose bumps rise on her skin and she shifted under the table, crossing her legs. This guy and his unbelievable dominating bossiness were both scary, but also highly sexual. She knew that she was a bit of a submissive at heart, but that was mostly because she read way too many omegaverse books. But now, she was faced with a true Alpha. When they spoke of an Alpha Male, she suddenly became aware that she was in the presence of one. He wasn’t just tall, dark and handsome—even if he was a walking cliche with all of these attributes. But it was his undeniable, almost God-given natural dominance and superiority that she found so fascinating. And yes, so appealing as well.  

“It’s not your birthday?” he repeated. 

“N-no,” she bleated pathetically. 

He didn’t respond immediately, but only drummed his fingers on the table, and she noticed that his hands were scarred. Rather extensively. Burns, from what she could tell. Jesus. How did he get these? And both hands, too.  

“Lie to me again, and I will take you over my knees and spank that perfect bottom until you beg for mercy,” he warned, his voice impassive, his face unchanged.  

Her mouth dropped open and she thought that she was going to slide under the table and dissolve into a puddle. 

Was she supposed to cause a scene and slap him? Was she supposed to storm out of the restaurant? How does one reacted to being threatened by a spanking by a complete stranger? 

Also, he thought that her ass was ‘perfect’? 

“Let’s start anew, beautiful girl,” he proposed then, while she made silent gasping noises like a dying fish. 

The waiter arrived just then, and only that prevented her from fainting or screaming out loud. He popped the champagne bottle with flourish and poured both of them a measure, while also setting their cocktails down before them. 

“Don’t come back until the food is ready,” the stranger warned the waiter and the man nodded and left without saying a word. 

“What is your name?” 

She swallowed, but remembering his warning, she decided to go with the truth this time. 

“Elain.” 

“Gorgeous name,” he approved. “It suits you. I am Azriel.” 

“Azriel,” an exotic name for an exotic man. “Nice to meet you. I think?” she ventured and extended her hand to him. 

“Pleasure is certainly all mine,” he said, squeezing her hand in his huge, warm, powerful palm, watching her with strange, almost palatable hunger. “Whether you’ll receive pleasure from me or not remains to be seen,” he decided vaguely and she bit her lip, sensing that innuendo again and not knowing how to deal with it. 

The one time a guy was instantly interested in her, and he is a dangerous weirdo. Figures. Just her luck. 

He raised his glass and said, “Happy birthday, Elain! I hope it’s wonderful to you.” 

“Thank you. That remains to be seen, I think,” she said softly and they touched their glasses. She sucked the champagne quickly, and with a sense of foreboding and some kind of desperation. She had no idea where this was going, or what he wanted from her. But she wanted it to continue. At least for the duration of this dinner. 

“What do you do?” he inquired, dipping a chip into the queso, but instead of eating it, he held it out to her. She looked around, in some kind of futile hope that someone would save her from this, but there was no one. Only this stunning, somewhat insane man, who was feeding her chips and dip. 

“Come on, beautiful Elain. Open up,” he urged soft, his voice smooth and husky and so tempting.  

Numb, and only driven by the sound of that sensual voice, she opened her mouth and he gently pushed the chip inside. As she pulled it between her teeth, he brushed his finger over her lower lip and then brought it to his mouth and sucked. 

“More?” he whispered and then concluded, “more.” 

He dipped another chip and fed it to her again. 

“So?” 

“I am in marketing,” she answered, knowing in advance that hers was the most uninspiring answer in history. But she was more preoccupied by the fact that she was being fed chips by a strange man in the middle of a restaurant. 

“And you live in the city?” he asked further. “Please don’t even start with the whole ‘I am here on business’.” 

She sighed and admitted, “Fine, I am from the suburbs. But I work in the city. What do you do?” 

He didn’t seem too thrilled about her question and took his time eating the last of the popovers. 

“Do you really want to know?” he asked finally. 

“Yes, of course. Why not?” 

“You might not like it.” 

“Why wouldn’t I? What do you do? Kill people?” she joked. 

He smiled at her, but the smile was less of a smile, and more just a stretch of his lips. The smile didn’t reach his eyes 

“And if I am?” he wondered at last.��

She frowned and then it dawned on her and she laughed, “what? You kill people?” 

“Maybe.” 

A shiver ran down her spine and she gawked at him in shock. Until she dissolved in a flurry of laughs. 

“You had me there for a sec!” she wiggled her finger at him. “A+ for a perfect deadpan delivery! I am impressed.” 

He didn’t seem to be laughing, but he added, “but they were all bad”. 

She stopped laughing and nervously shifted in her seat. 

“Wait. What?” 

“You wanted to know what I did for a living,” he reminded her. 

As she processed his words, he just sat there, watching her intently. 

“Oh my god,” she exclaimed at last, realisation dawning on her, “it’s a scam, right?! You are one of those guys who pretends to be an assassin, or a millionaire, or in the CIA and then I fall for it, and in two months you’ll start asking me for money and I blow all my savings on you and then never hear from you again.” 

Shaking her head in disbelief she grabbed her napkin and then said, “thank you for the drink, Mr. Azriel. But I am not stupid. I appreciate the gesture—the razzle dazzle—but let’s part ways right here so that no one leaves here too traumatised.” 

He listened to her impassively and in the next moment, the waiter arrived with their steaks.  

She was hungry and upset, but she knew that she couldn’t stay here any longer and remain in his company. The whole thing was too bizarre and she didn’t want to get in trouble. And this man was clearly trouble. Or maybe troubled. Or both. 

“Azriel, I am,” 

“Sit,” he ordered, though his tone was soft. “You are safe with me. Don’t worry. But you did ask me what I did for a living,” he insisted again. 

“Well, when I did ask you, I didn’t expect for you to tell me that you are some kind of a killer!” she snapped, her voice rising. 

“I’d rather you didn’t yell,” he requested. “However, I wanted to tell you,” 

“Why?!” she exclaimed. “Don’t killers usually try and keep their profession,” she made a quotation mark sign with her fingers, “a secret?” 

“Normally, yes,” he agreed. “But, I want you to trust me and I felt that being honest is the best way to earn that trust.” 

“Trust me? Why? And,” 

“Because I want you,” he interrupted her and his tone was blunt, but calm. 

“Wha,” 

“I want you,” he repeated. “I saw you and you...well, you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. And now, I am obsessed with the idea of learning what you’d look like when I enter you. What sounds you’d make when you come on my tongue.” 

At that, the big steak knife fell out of her trembling fingers and she wondered if she was having some kind of out of body experience. An ‘episode’? She wasn’t prone to episodes, but hell, there was a first time for everything, right? 

He shrugged, and continued like this was a perfectly sane conversation they were having, “Sorry if this is a bit unorthodox,” 

An understatement of the century! 

“However, I am not one to mince words,” 

Another understatement of the century. 

“And when I want something, I go after it. And right now, I want you.” 

She made a gurgling sound, but he ignored it, then cut into his steak, and chewed slowly.  

“However, you don’t strike me as someone who sleeps around or who is used to the type of man I am,” 

Was any woman? 

“Therefore, I wanted to build a baseline of trust between us. Like I said, you have nothing to fear from me. I am simply a man, interested in a woman.” 

He was anything but, but okay. 

“So,” she finally found her voice which was lost somewhere in the bottom of her stomach, “telling me you are an assassin is your way of establishing a baseline of trust?” 

He looked at her hand, which was clutching a butter knife, her knuckles white, and smiled faintly. 

“I suppose so.” 

She reached for the bottle of champagne, but her hands were shaking so badly, she could barely grasp it. Smoothly, he took the bottle and topped off her glass. This was probably the worst idea—to continue drinking—but she couldn't think of anything else. 

“Why don’t you relax and eat,” he suggested. “The steak is cooked perfectly.” 

“I don’t think I am hungry.” 

“Nonsense. Lay down your weapon of choice, dig into your dish and relax a bit. Have fun. It's your birthday!” 

He then raised his glass and mused, ‘what should we toast to?” 

“Me remaining sane after this dinner,” she muttered under her breath. 

He laughed.  

“How about ‘to the future’? Because tomorrow with you is worth every yesterday I spent without you,” he said and she almost choked.  

He couldn’t be for real.  

No man talked like that. Ever. 

“Listen, I know I could a little blunt, but in my line of work, I have to move quickly and I typically don’t get many second chances. And I don’t want to miss my chance with you,” he drank his champagne and watched her attempt to concentrate on her steak. “And when I said that you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, I am being honest. I saw you across the restaurant and you kind of blew my mind. It happens, you know,” 

“No, it doesn’t,” she argued. “Only in romance novels.” 

“Okay,” he shrugged, “so we have a romance novel beginning, so what?” 

“It’s not real,” she insisted.  

“Well, while you think on that, tell me when I can kiss you, because I’d really, really would like to kiss you right now,” 

“Never!” she shrieked. “Stop talking like that!” 

She desperately needed him to stop talking. Stop using that sensual, deep baritone to say deliciously sinful things to her. Because if he continued, she wasn’t sure what she’d do. She kept trying to shield her breasts from him, since her nipples were achingly sharp, threatening to poke through the top of her body suit. And between her legs—disaster. She was flooded. Every glance at his strong, powerful hands made her wonder what they’d feel like between her thighs. What his soft lips would taste like if he did get that kiss from her. And every word he said just made her wetter and wetter. She feared she’d have a stain on her clothes once she got up from her seat, and the thought alone was mortifying.  

“I think you should let me kiss you,” he insisted, watching her intently. 

“No, I am not kissing you!” 

God, this steak was good!  

“How about this then,” he proposed slowly, “I scoot closer to you, and you let me play with your clit, while you eat, and then you come all over my hand. I pay the bill and we go to my place and I’ll continue making you come. Because all I want to do right now is kiss every inch of your porcelain skin, and fuck your soft, lovely mouth and watch my dick disappear between those rosy lips. And then you’ll come on my dick in your perfect pussy and ask for more, while screaming my name. And if you let me, I’ll fuck that gorgeous ass as well and will make you come from that as well. And then you’ll sleep in my arms and in the morning, we’ll go get breakfast.” 

She watched him in dull astonishment, her brain failing to work properly as she attempted to process his words.  

This really couldn’t be real. At all. No man, in the history of mankind, ever said words like these to a woman.  

Yes, he just sat there, with her perfect face and his perfect body, and waited. 

“And then you’ll go and kill some people at work?” was all she managed to say to his explicit monologue.  

She’s never been fucked anywhere, let alone her ass. So yeah. 

“Well, not at work. For work,” he corrected. 

“Uh uh,” she sighed. “And you are okay with me knowing about that then?” 

“Like I told you, I want you to trust me.” 

“Uh uh,” she sighed again. Then she set her napkin aside and told him calmly, 

“Azriel, it certainly has been an interesting evening. I thank you. I am not sure I’ll ever forget it, or you, but...I don’t think that I am the girl you need,” 

“All me to decide that,” he argued sharply. 

She chewed the inside of her cheek, before clarifying, “I suppose I choose not to be that girl for you.” 

“Why?” 

“I like my boring little life. It suits me. And you...you don’t suit me or my life.” 

She couldn’t even believe her own assertiveness. She was rarely like this.  

“It’s unfortunate,” he said sadly. “Forgive me if I offended you,” 

“Astonished, more like,” 

“Better than offended.” 

She got up from her chair and her knees felt soft and shaky, and for the first time she understood what ‘jelly legs’ were. She had jelly legs because of him.  

“Thank you for dinner. I better be going.” 

“I’d like to walk you to your car,” he offered. 

“I think it’s a bad idea. Besides, I am getting an Uber. I drank too much. Goodbye, Azriel.” 

She rushed out of the restaurant and onto the bustling Fulton Market, where there were hundreds of people milling around. Her fingers trembling, she got her phone out of her clutch and pressed the Uber button on the verge of hysteria now. She didn’t know where she was going even, so she pressed ‘home’ even though she knew this Uber would host like $60 at least. But she needed to get away. Away from here, away from him, away from making a bad decision. Very bad, terrible decision that she was yearning to make right now. 

3 minutes. 

3 minutes. 

Okay, she just needed to make it for 3 minutes out here, until the car came. 

She glanced at the phone frantically, over and over again, watching the little car move along the street diagram. 

Suddenly, a familiar scarred hand reached over her shoulder and grabbed her phone.  

“Wait! Give it back!” she demanded desperately. 

Azriel smiled at her and then typed something in her phone.  

“Now you have my number.” 

A text chimed, and he added, “and I have yours”. 

“We’ll never see each other again,” she promised. 

“We’ll see,” he said simply. 

Finally, Honda Civic! Blue! There she was!  

She bounced on her heels impatiently, hoping he wouldn’t do anything, and yet hoping that he would at the same time. 

Ugh. 

“Goodbye, Azriel,” she said again. 

He opened the door for her politely and before she folded herself into the car, he pressed his lips to the top of her head. 

“Happy birthday, beautiful. I’ll see you later.” 

-

Azriel ‘The Shadow’ Night had two problems on his hands. 

As he watched the Honda weave in and out of busy traffic, he lit a cigarette—an occasional bad habit of his—and inhaled deeply. 

Nothing that he told her was a lie. 

He did find her to be incredibly beautiful. And his attraction to her was instant and hit him like an avalanche. He’d never felt anything remotely like this before. He wanted her with every fiber of his being and know, innately, that their paths were crossed forever and for a reason. 

The only omission in his tale was that their meeting was not accidental. And that she was the target, who was his current assignment.  

Now, he needed to figure out how to murder her, while keeping her alive. 

[redrandomposts]

hi it's me again from the luka vs ivan r7 ask, and claiming the 🌦️ emoji :>

for their song i wanna go w something like nightglow by tanya chua from the hi3 game. it's THE year ender event for the segyein and the entire city is packed into the arena.

i can see the producers dressing them up in complementary styles. luka wld have elements of ivan's signature style and vice versa.

imagine the entire time ivan and luka ARE in equal footing. luka has the fanbase power and experience ivan cant match, but ivan has a type of completely human showmanship that luka cant replicate. imagine them dancing during their round too and they keep on switching back and forth on who gets the lead !!

luka can see that ivan is singing the song for SOMEONE but he cant pinpoint who and it's throwing him off just a bit. it's one of those rare rounds where luka doesnt have any immediate upper hand on his opponent and the aliens are eating it up !! a dark knight to go up against their brilliant prince ? absolute genius.

but also consider : the producers dont want anyone else but luka to win. so they rig it :> the final score is a tie, but a gun is shot and ivan falls...

... just in time for the rebels to barge in :>

(so similar to canon!r7 ending except ivan wasnt reaching out for someone in the crowd and no one is cradling his head on their lap lmao)

why are alien stage fans allergic to happy endings? you guys arent vivinos, you can do what you can to give them happy endings...

i think unsha's coming in clutch and preventing this. that, or the show gets boycotted because they decide to off ivan. you know how rii7e's whole situation had the entire company boycotted by nations and people from other fandoms? that is happening.

the whole show would plummet in stocks, aliens pulling out their human pets from the program, protests and rallies ongoing.

im projecting my love for ivan, but also, i 100% believe this would happen.

its not like ivan can be brought back to life. till visits his grave, where fans constantly leave flowers; monuments are brought up to support ivan, flowers flooding each and every one. till remembers, quite clearly, how ivan died alone on the stage, reaching out for something. ivan looked lost, sorrowful, somehow relieved, and he hates it.

anyway, that's what's happening guys!!! ivan dies, aliens boycott alien stage and whatever else, and everyone is happy and alive.

[racketballz]

I always adore sbj’s decision on making Buttercup the supreme chef of the trio and Blossom being the comically the worst chef. Its nice just giving Buttercup a traditionally positive feminine trait (yes I know its not gendered) cause If its up to the general ppg fandom they’re often so allergic on giving Buttercup anything that seems feminine, cause they just put all the positive and negative masculine trait on to her only and Blossom and Bubbles gets all the positive feminine trait, while also forgetting that those two also have their share of masculine traits

I think it’s awesome too! I also think cooking is a crazy skill to have cooking can be really technical but it’s also intuitive and thoughtless it’s a lot like second nature and it’s super passionate which aligns with her. I think it is “feminine” and I can see her being conflicted about it quite a bit and then she makes something bangin and she’s just like chewing and mad and happy and fuck everyone I’m the shit I think it’s cool like it’s a little hobby for her and it’s so cute I do think about her in a little chef outfit sometimes!

I think often I kinda see buttercup is written like a failure as a girl and woman I think it’s a little upsetting in way that it doesn’t give her an arc if its intentionally written that way! I think buttercup is an icon because she has a lot of issues with the way she comes off! Constantly fighting herself about what she isnt supposed to like based on her sisters who are traditionally feminine and what she thinks isn’t or is allowed to be her archetype! I think in the show it’s done in a real generic way it’s relatable to many kinds of people she’s so special!!! Sometimes I think the most womanly thing you can be is be masculine it’s align with what I think it is to be a woman which is drive and fight and stubborness

Also I do think blossom is genuinely frustrated that she can’t as self proclaimed whole package but I love her so much oh angel please get out the kitchen

[welcometololaland]

almost uploaded a picture of my bank statement instead of this header! happy days!

thanks for the tags @hippolotamus @kiwiana-writes @happiness-of-the-pursuit @rmd-writes

@nancygillianmvp @terramous @tellmegoodbye @freneticfloetry @beautifulhigh

@orchidscript @myheartalivewrites and @strandnreyes (don't think that was a real tag but i'm taking it anyway to force you to love me).

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

49 (last time it was 46 but i feel like that isn't enough of a difference? disappointed in myself dfhskjh)

2. What's your Ao3 bodycount word count?

1,119,086 which does include some co-writes, but I also have around 200k of unposted WIP in my google docs so i'm counting it (including a fully written fic - someone put their hands around my neck and force me to edit it PLEASE).

3. Which fandoms do you write for?

red white and royal blue, 911 lone star, top gun maverick (flirting with winter's orbit always)

4. Top 5 fics by kudos?

the order of these has changed but not the identity:

Speak for Yourself (RWRB) (you know when eminem said he'd never be able to top My Name Is? this is my version of that)

Fifty First Dates (RWRB) (oodie agenda reigns supreme)

The RIng-In (Lone Star) (otherwise, lone star is in danger of being eviscerated from this top 5 lmao)

(Not) A Cinderella Story (RWRB) (NDAs are hot, apparently)

Cursed is a State of Mind (RWRB) (cursed caffeine is the main drawcard let's not lie)

5. Do you respond to comments?

i try my absolute best to. i am currently really behind and i apologise for that (the problem is, i reply to comments before i post anything and i haven't posted anything in ages).

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

serious answer - Contaminated

my answer - oh baby i'm a fool for you because we never find out if they actually watch twilight and that's a damn shame

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

literally everything else - i don't really do open endings or sad endings! in the words of the great philosopher, skepta: "nah, that's not me."

8. Do you get hate on fics?

i used to, but i haven't in ages! thank god for that.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yes, although i have to say i've been moving away from pwp lately. i feel my best smut is written into longer fics where the sex serves a plot or characterisation purpose within the frame of the overarching narrative.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

yes, a RWRB/LS but i never finished it. ALTA is a veronica mars inspired tarlos fic which kind of feels like a crossover at times.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge :)

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes! Phonography (Lone Star) has been translated, as has Baby, Make Your Move (Lone Star) and Warm Whispers (Lone Star). I'm very grateful to the incredible people who have made these translations happen - you are so talented.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

yes, many with @dustratcentral. I also wrote a chapter of a co-written fic with a whole bunch of incredible RWRB authors called never the same twice.

@rmd-writes and I have created (Un)Professional Services and (upcoming) Call Me (By Your Name).

The Rainbow Fish was co-written with @strandnreyes.

I love co-writing so much and I am always open to anyone who wants to give it a go!

14. What's your all time favourite ship?

me + my unposted wips.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

probably the aforementioned crossover which was apparently also my answer last time.

16. What are your writing strengths?

i'm allergic to giving myself compliments but i would say maybe dialogue/banter and worldbuilding.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

keeping things short. also, exposition.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

kinda scared to because i don't speak any other languages and i'm so hesitant to annoy my very talented multi-lingual friends with my annoying questions.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

we don't talk about that.

20. Favourite fic you've written?

probably still Love Game because the experience was just so amazing and i never wanted to stop writing it.

heaps of people have already done this so leaving an open tag and also a couple of suggestions under the cut but apologies if you've already participated or been tagged 7 million times:

@bonheur-cafe @theghostofashton @thebumblecee @indomitable-love @eclectic-sassycoweyes

@tailoredshirt @vineofroses @liminalmemories21 @mikibwrites @birdclowns

@ladytessa74 @basilsunrise @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @rosedavid @sanjuwrites

@alrightbuckaroo @three-drink-amy @marjansmarwani @dumbpeachjuice @doublel27

@lemonlyman-dotcom @blueink3 @ambiguouspenny @clottedcreamfudge @emmalostinwonderland

@sail-not-drift @inexplicablymine @celeritas2997 @cricketnationrise @reyesstrand

@goodways @carlos-in-glasses @heartstringsduet @sunshinestrand @sherryvalli

[randoimago]

Hi. Can I request general relationship headcanons for Pokemon boys Roark, Flint, Milo and Kabu? Thanks.

General Relationship Headcanons

Fandom: Pokemon

Character(s): Kabu, Milo

Type of Request: Headcanons

Note(s): I did Flint and Roark here!!

Kabu

Always up at like 5am to do his morning jog and stretches. If you want to join him then he appreciates the company. But if you think he's insane for waking up that early, then he chuckles and makes sure to pick you up something from a bakery on his jog.

He's an older guy so his house runs a bit on the warmer side. His pokemon also keep things warm for his old bones. It's a nice, relaxing warmth too. If it's too warm for you then he's fine turning the temperature down for you and using a blanket or cuddling with you for his warmth.

Calls you his "dear". Not huge on physical affection, but anytime you ask him anything or want to do something then he'll give you a smile and a "yes, dear". Might also call you "my love" too.

Milo

Really hopes you like flowers because he'll gladly get you some flowers that his pokemon helped him grow. Or if you are allergic, then he's sure to bring you some fresh fruits and veggies from his garden.

Has made you a flower crown before. Well, his pokemon made it. He's a tad clumsy with his hands, but he still got it for you and hopes you enjoy it. If you ever make him a flower crown, then his hat is going on your head while he wears your flower crown.

So cuddly. Gives the best bear hugs. That said, he won't constantly be seeking affection, he lets you mention if you'd like hugs or to cuddle together. And he's happy to provide when/if you do.

[jessythebunny]

💐 Welcome to my fandoms house 💐

Finaly you made it here and i'm so happy because you decided to follow me and i hope you enjoy your stay🐰✨

Everybody is welcome here except Homophobes, racists, Pedophiles, Proshippers, Gacha heaters, and all the nasty people in general

So in this blog i make a lot of things here like memes, arts,edits, ect, sometimes they look good, sometimes they look cringe🙂🙂

Also i'm in love with James. He is the one who will be more present in this blog, sorry not sorry!!

And also these things here bellow👇🏻👇🏻:

I can do:

Tweening/animation

Drawing arts(even with bases or without them)

SFW (make characters kissing,marking echothers, moaning...)

Drawing simple backgrounds

Art requests

Art commissions

Things i can't do:

Gacha heat

Gacha cringe

Drawing diffecult backgrounds(like forests/cities/beaches, i really need Pinterest so bad😭)

Drawing animals(don't worry I am learning now)

Animate eyes

NSFW (18+)

Letting my oc's naked

🚫 But this blog is also contains swears, yeah a very ✨MOROCCAN✨ swearing, yep i like swearing a lot (But not to this degree), so if you have nothing nice to say here just leave my blog or block me IDFC 🚫

🎧°•My bio and information•°🖤:

🌺Name: Jessy the bunny or Jess in short🎧

🎧real name: N/A🌺

🎧age: 16 yo🌺

🎧birthday: December 1st🌺

🎧nationality: Moroccan🇲🇦🌺

🎧Zodiac: Sagittarius♐🌺

🎧Pronons:She/her/they/them🌺

🎧Gender: female🌺

🎧MBTI: INTP🌺

🎧sex: asexual💜🤍🩶🖤🌺

🎧hobbies: drawing/cooking/reading books and manhwas(especially the yaoi/yuri ones👀💦)/doing Gacha videos and art/writing stories🌺

🎧favorite shows: Thomas and friends, happy tree friends, dragon ball, smurfs, south park, lazy town,Hazbin hotel...🌺

🎧fears: dark, insects, social phobia, bullying (yeah i'm weak),being ignored🌺

🎧likes: Chocalate, cookies, sleeping, Science and Biology, English, watching videos or make them, anything sweet🌺

🎧dislikes: butter(i'm allergic),Maths and physics, Injustice and insult, school(yeah i hate school soooooooo much because of those fucking classmates), Sports, thomas and friends AEG,making friends irl because they are treacherous🌺

🎧features: Nervous, introverted, depressed, funny, shy, autistic🌺

🎧I'm a young artist, plz don't judge me!!!🌺

🎧my DMs are always open, but mostly for commissions🌺

🎧I'm also calling someone who's older than me by mr or miss as a respect for them🌺

✏️°•Extra Information and rules•°✏️:

💚I'm a little bad at English, so you may find some spelling and grammatical errors, so I sometimes use a translator

🖤Don't ask me hateful or disgusting questions, otherwise I will block you

💚I swear a lot, but it's not because I'm rude or something, it's because I'm nervous and I don't control myself, but that doesn't mean I'm mad or upset with you, so don't get me wrong

🖤I don't interact with many people, including: kids (under 13), NSFW bloggers, Zionists, Jews, proshippers, pedos, gacha heaters...

💚Don't spam my inbox, if you ask me very much or asking me something multiple times, I'll ignore it and I'll never answer it!

🖤don't steal/repost/copy/use my art without my permission, if you want to use my art as a pfp, ect, ask me first and credit me

💚I have Instagram, Youtube, Tiktok, Pinterest, whatsapp channel,Facebook and discord, so if you saw my art in another social, tell me immediately I will deal with it

🖤I still have some difficulties in drawing, so sometimes I have to use drawing bases to practice, so don't attack me please!

💚Although I like to draw cute things, on the other hand, this blog contains mature content, such as blood, cursing, and some chaotic thirst so be careful.

⚠️°•TW•°⚠️:

Swears

Gore/blood

Sexual themes

Violence

Bad grammar

Cringe behaviors

SFW (safe for work)

Vent

🤍°•FAQs•°💛:

🌟Q:what's your favorite fandom?

A: thomas and friends and this blog will be based with it thank you very much✨✨

_

🌟Q: what's your favorite characters from your favorite fandom?

A: James, Duck, Thomas, Gordon, Percy, Oliver and Toad, Donald and Douglas, Marion, Skiff

_

🌟Q: As for the engines, in their human form, can they fuck or reproduce?

A: Unfortunately, they can fuck whatever or whenever they want but they can't reproduce or have kids because they don't have biological hormones or DNA or whatever it's called like a normal human being

_

🌟Q: what are the ages in your Au?

A: 3 years until 60 years, There are those who are older than this, but I limit myself to these ages because I want them to be limited

_

🌟Q: what are your self insert's sexualities?

A: Every self insert into a random fandom has its own sexuality, for example my versions, I can't let all my versions being Asexual, bc if I let them it'll be boring so I tried to diversify their sexualities, for example Soft Jessy is lesbian, Bad Jessy is trans, Galaxy is pan, ect...

But fo the other fandoms I usuelly let them bi or pan or even straight to make sure that everyone has its lover/soulmate/partner/boyfriend/girlfriend...

_

🌟Q: how did you make your Oc's and are they real or imagined?

A: I made them randomly so that I don't feel like I'm filming the videos alone and that they aren't real people, I made them according to their personality, their life, the story of their past, etc.

_

🌟Q: who are your besties?

A: 🎧@miasonyson🎧

💞@lovable-chica💞

💎@asktoyokoakemi💎

💜@viktuurishipper96💜

🎀@bertramtheoldwarrior🎀

🌠@blueskygirl22🌠

🎩 @jammyjams1910🎩

💖@just-an-emily-existing💖

💟@prometheus2007💟

🐾 @thefluffyrailway-official 🐾

_

🌟Q: are you doing art requests?

A: yes I do them,like if someone asks me to draw anything about TTTE Au or other fandoms Aus, But for their Oc's they just have to wait until June because it's summer and i will be active anytime

_

🌟Q: Are you gonna do art commissions?

A: Yes, I do them and I really want to, because I need some money to help my parents, so now I am waiting for someone to ask me

_

🌟Q: How tall are the engines?

A: Well, in terms of height, the shortest is Toad and Percy is the second shortest engine and he's almost 5’8ft,and the tallest engine is Gordon, The flying scottsman, Spencer and Diesel 10.Their hight is 7’11ft because they're big and tender engines

_

🌟Q: Does Lady's magical dust have any benefit or any influence on the rest of the engines?

A: Yes, it definitely has a benefit for the engines. Thanks to it, it can save them from becoming victims of scrap, or if something physically harms them in their human form, it comes and treats them because ordinary doctors cannot treat human engines

🎀°•some basics of my Au•°🎀:

🌟some of my oc's transform into their true forms for many special reasons, for example demons, wolves, rabbits, etc., but the duration of this transformation is specific

🌟These reasons in particular may be either psychological, such as sadness, shame, and the desire to feel lonely and calm, or physical reasons

🌟The characters are distinguished from each other by their superpowers and magic, which makes them 100% different from ordinary humans

🌟Each one of us has his own personality, and this is the result of their personalities and feelings being different

🌟Characters can fuse and create new characters, but only if three basic conditions are met: If the two characters have a relationship of love, brotherhood, or strong friendship, If these conditions are not met, they will not be able to fuse

🌟ech character has a rival with another character, The reasons are as follows: Either he had a bad past, or that person was famous and forgot about his friend, and so on

🌟as for the humanized engines, their blood is a bit darker than a normal human being, and also if they lost anything or got cut like if they lost their arm or their leg or anything, don't worry, Lady is here for help

🌟and also they can eat, drink, wash their teeth,taking shower, and almost anything about humans, but the only thing that they don't do in their human form is breeding and reproduction, and the engines in their human form become even more stronger so they can done their jobs very fast and easely.

💗🌟Thank you so much for your time and reading this and i hope you enjoy your stay here again ^^🌟💗

✍🏻°•My Au's headcanons+Refs+ Stories•°🩷 :

❇️°•Commission info•°❇️

🌟°•Original oc's•°🌟

🚂°•Original engines•°🚂

🌹°•other social medias•°🎧

💞°•Official ships•°💞

♡__________________________♡

💫°•Some fandoms i drew•°💫

🖤°•Douglas and Oliver headcanons•°💚

🌈°•original face expressions+color pallet chart•°✨

💐°•Self inserts•°💐

🎀°•Some random ttte headcanons•°☁

♡__________________________♡

🚂°•The main 12 steam team•°🚂

📖°•ttte fanlore/AUs/fanfics/crossevers/series•°📖

💚°•the emo controller•°🖤

🖤°•Casual emo controller•°💚

🚂°•the narrow gauge engines•°☁

💙°•the Gresley family•°☁

🚂°•the diesels•°⛽

🪄°•Magical/ghost engines•°👻

🤍°•Other ttte characters•°🤍

✍🏻°•About my humanisation•°✍🏻

♡__________________________♡

✏️°•Some simple tutorials•°🖌

💙°•Original stories/lore•°📖

😌°•This could be useful•°😌

🎧°•Artist profile•°💚

🌠°•Unrelated ttte stuff•°🌠

♡__________________________♡

⭐°•Side blogs•°⭐:

☆• @sodormagicalworld (my ttte historical fiction AU) •☆

☆• @thesillybunny58 (a shitty blog where I can reblog some random posts ehe) •☆